#where she can keep things neat and tidy and cover up anything that feels off

[seahorsepencils]

also can we just talk about the fact that in the Wish World, a woman can get away with calling another woman beautiful without setting off everyone's queer panic, but when a man does it to a man, it tips over the edge? so the Kates of the world are flying just under the radar, but are likely to be more emotionally repressed as a result - and yet, all the queer or queer-coded characters in this world are offered the same security and protection from doubt by the prospect of entering into an opposite-sex marriage...

[boldlyvoid]

Got a little carried away thinking about what I’d do for Spencer after Maeve died.

Cw: depressed Spencer, food mentions, reader is worried he might commit suicide, he’s fine tho

He’s not answering the door. She taps her foot anxiously and knocks again, “Spencer open the fucking door.” Still nothing. “You��ve got 5 seconds before I kick the fucking door down and you lose your deposit. It’s not a fucking joke anymore.”

Nothing. She pushes all the baskets out of the way, shakes the door to see how sturdy it is and then backs up, she lifts her leg and puts all her force into the kick. When she collides with the wood, she uses all of her body weight to push it forward, snapping the hinge and watching the wood fly in different directions.

She steps inside, the place is an absolute mess, he opened books and ripped pages. A chess set has been thrown across the room. A mirror fell and cracks, his curtains are ripped. All his drawers are open. “Spencer? Where are you?”

She walks into his bedroom to find it neat and tidy, his bed hardly slept in and piles of clothes thrown about. And sees that the bathroom door is closed and her heart sinks, “Spencer I’m coming in.”

She gives him a chance to cover up if he’s in there before twisting the door handle and opening the door, it opens fine and there’s nothing in its way. Inside she can't see him right away, not until she pulls the shower curtain back. He’s curled up in the fetal position with headphones on, listening to an audiobook that sounds like Leonard Nimoy's voice.

She smiles, getting down on her knees and lightly rubbing her hand over his shoulder. It startles him awake and his eyes fly open. He gasps and jumps back, “what?”

“You weren’t answering.”

“And?”

She just stares at him in silence. “I broke your door, I’ll pay to have it replaced, but I couldn’t let you keep ignoring me.”

“I’m fine.”

She nods. “Can I clean your house? You can go back to sleeping in here, it looks cozy?”

“It feels like a hug.”

“Do you want a real one?”

He nods and lunges forward, wrapping himself around her with the porcelain tub edge cutting into her stomach, he’s holding her so tight. “You’re okay.”

“Thank you.”

She doesn’t say anything because she knows that was hard enough for him to say, he doesn’t need to do anything more today. “I’m not leaving, I hope you know that.”

“You don’t have to stay,” he tries to push her help away.

“I didn’t ask, I was telling you. I’m staying here. You’ll have to call the cops to get me out of here, we’re making dinner, we can watch Star Trek and if you want. I can tickle your back again like I did that night in Omaha? When you told me how your mom used to do that to help you fall asleep as a kid?”

He nods, “can I nap first?”

She hugs him once more and kisses the top of his head, “do you want to move to your bed?”

“Please?”

She helps him up and brings him over there, tucking him in and turning to leave when he grabs her hand. “Don’t tell anyone else. I don’t want any other help, it’ll overwhelm me.”

“Of course buddy,” she smiles down at him.

She leaves his room and heads right to the maintenance office of his building. She pays for his door and offers to replace it herself for the inconvenience. It’s more difficult than she expected but his door closes and it’s fine. And she gets a second key, pretending to be his girlfriend and being given the spare. Next time she won’t have to break the door.

So she locks it and heads to the store, placing a note on his pillow so he doesn’t feel abandoned again, she’ll be home again soon.

She buys the essentials for Spencer’s favourite soup, making it for him from scratch while also cleaning his apartment to the best of her ability. She buys garbage bags and cleaner at the store, opening the windows and dusting everything. He’s still got his headphones on so she doesn’t feel too bad about turning on the vacuum, but he doesn’t wake up until he smells the soup.

It’s just a basic chicken noodle, but she sautéed the carrots, onion and celery first, drawing out the flavours before mixing in the chicken pieces. She cooks them up with all the seasonings she could find, he was surprisingly well-stocked in the spices department. Adding the water, she lets it simmer and out he stumbles.

“It smells delicious,” he rubs his eyes and walks into the room, “Woah, I can see the floor again.”

“I wrote down a list of every book that was destroyed, in case you want to get new copies? I never threw them out, they’re just in a bag, I didn’t know if they were triggering or just in reach.”

“Just in reach,” he smiles. “Thank you, this is really helpful.”

She smiles and joins him on the couch, watching reruns of Star Trek on the science channel and listening to all his facts. She had already watched every episode with him in hotels across the US, but back then she didn’t get the commentary, he wanted her to enjoy it. Now he tells her all the little facts, he pauses and backs things up to show her continuity errors and he repeats all his favourite quotes and he smiles.

By the time they get to eating dinner, Spencer’s starving and actually excited for the meal. He eats a little too fast, she has to remind him to take his time, his stomach has been empty for too long and it’ll make him feel worse. He listens, enjoying it now that he slows down, appreciating the fact she took the time to care for him.

When she gets into bed beside him she can tell that he’s tense, “you can tell me everything on your mind or nothing at all. I’m here for what you need, I don’t expect anything from you.”

“Just cuddles? No talking? I’m not ready.”

“Sounds good,” she opens her arms and lets him settle into her embrace.

She rubs her hand over his back, bumping along the fabric of his T-shirt and attempting to soothe him before he sits up and takes it off, throwing it to the side and snuggling back in. It’s easier this way, she can feel the bumps on his skin as her fingers trace down his back and her nails lightly drag their way back up. Over and over she does it in a figure-eight motion, the infinity symbol, hoping He's aware enough to know she means she’s going to be there for him forever.

She can tell he’s asleep when his breathing changes, his body gets heavier and his hand drops from her side to the mattress.

“Dream of me?” She whispers against his hair, hoping his subconscious will listen. “I promise I’ll take care of you in there too.”

[flooffybits]

If You Can Hear Me

Idol: Dreamcatcher

marshmallow: Helloo, can I please request a Dreamcatcher 8th member scenario where reader has a rough past and is going through a lot, and the members know it. But instead of worrying the others, she writes all of her emotions and stories into multiple songs without then knowing. But when she left her laptop, the curious members take a look inside and are amazed at how beautiful the songs are. Thank youu.

Warning: mentions of depression

☕buy me a coffee☕

Gahyeon quietly padded outside her and Handong’s shared room, only to sleepily enter yours and Yubin’s. Seeing the two of you still fast asleep, she silently made her way over to your bed, glad that you didn’t have the top bunk as she wordlessly joined you in bed.

The sudden movements caused you to groan before you looked down to see a mop of dark brown hair all over your chest. Adjusting your position and reaching to push the latter’s hair away, your bleary eyes soon make out the maknae’s features before letting out a breath.

“Gahyeon?”

But the younger girl only grumbled as she buried her face into your neck, giving you no proper reply before you heard her silent snoring. And due to your tired state, you simply adjusted the sheets around you before going back to sleep, this time with a clingy and tired baby in your arms.

The next time you wake up, Minji is giving your shoulder a little nudge with a bright smile adorning her features. "Good morning!" She greets and you blink a few times before yawning, stretching your arms in front of you before you realize that Gahyeon was nowhere to be found.

Instead, Yoohyeon had taken her place.

“I thought Gahyeon was here.” You mutter while rubbing your eyes, though your other arm draped loosely around the snoring puppy. Minji chuckled before she placed a kiss on the top of your head. “She got up a while ago. Yoohyeon, I’m not sure when she came here.” Your leader explains and you can only nod your head, because this wasn’t exactly anything new to you.

Lightly tapping her back, you make sure to wake Yoohyeon. But when she refuses to get up, you merely move her so that she’s laying in your bed instead and Minji watches with amusement swimming in her eyes before stepping back and heading for the door. “You have a schedule after lunch. Don’t forget.”

You lay there for a few more moments, waking yourself up, before finally moving to stand, stretching your arms over your head and letting out a sigh. When you look back at Yoohyeon, you let out a small sigh before reaching to pull the covers over her so she was more comfortable, fixing one of your pillows so she would cuddle that instead.

Peeking at the top bunk, you smile when you see Yubin fast asleep, knowing she had stayed up much later than you. You reach to gently pat her head before heading to the bathroom so you could freshen up for the day.

When you reach the living room, you’re not too surprised to see Siyeon, Gahyeon, and Minji already up and about. And it doesn’t take long before Bora comes to join you, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she greeted you with a good morning.

“What time are you heading out, unnie?” Gahyeon asked while munching on her pancake and you check your phone for the time. “Well, hopefully after eating. But considering the traffic, I just might have lunch after my schedule.” You explain, making Siyeon pout as she shook her head. “You have to eat properly. We don’t want you getting sick.” She scolds lightly.

“Siyeon is right. You haven’t been eating much, lately, and we’re close to having another comeback.” The leader stated softly and you purse your lips slightly. “I’ll prepare something for you, so promise me that you’re going to eat at least on the way to the location.” Bora seemed to have sensed your hesitance, and seeing the look on your face, she decided it was best not to point it out, and instead decided to compromise.

Your shoulders visibly relaxed and you eventually nodded your head. “Okay.”

The four exchanged looks before letting the tension eventually pass and Bora was soon working on getting your lunch ready. And when Yubin woke up, she had silently joined and helped the older woman in preparing your food when she found out what the other was doing whilst Handong joined you in picking out your outfit.

“I’m worried about her.” Minji breaks the silence a few minutes after you had bid them goodbye and exited the dorm. “Why?” Yoohyeon asked when she began to fill her plate with her own food.

“Unnie has been withdrawing from us a lot more.” Gahyeon says with a frown, voicing out what was on the majority of their minds.It was no secret to them how you were struggling with certain things. While you often portrayed yourself as a calm and collected person in front of the audience, the girls knew more than that facade and how your demons were much louder than the screaming of the crowd during your performances.

You just had a great way of keeping them under wraps.

“Has she shown any signs of it getting worse?” Handong asked your roommate and the younger woman shook her head. “Unnie’s just been quieter than usual. She’s been writing a lot, too.” Yubin answers when she recalls how your conversation at night gradually decreased and you had resorted to writing in your notebook or laptop.

“Has she mentioned anything?” Minji asks carefully, only to receive another shake of the head, and that was worrisome enough on its own. Without having much of an idea what was bothering you, none of them knew how to help or what to do.

“I wish she didn’t feel like she can’t come to us.” Siyeon quietly mumbles while leaning against Bora’s side and the older girl nodded her head. “I just hope we can help her; make her feel less of a burden.” The dancer mumbled softly while she gently patted Siyeon’s hair.

Not wanting to worry further, the girls decided that it was best to end the discussion there, though they do promise to do the best they can to make sure to help you in any way possible.

..

“Are you sure you’ll be fine on your own?” Yubin asks when she watches you getting ready to leave, somewhat in a hurry. “I’ll be fine, Dami. I promise I’ll be home with all of your favorite snacks and drinks.” You reply, checking your wallet and then shoving it inside your pocket before putting your coat on.

“Stay safe!” Bora calls out to you when you open the door, struggling to put your shoe on and making Gahyeon laugh at your slightly clumsy display. “You have a curfew!” Siyeon adds and you look at her over your shoulder, causing Yoohyeon to crack up this time, before shaking your head.

“See you, love you!” You tell them right before shutting the door and the girls are once again left without you.

Yubin sat by the stairs that led to her bunk and she swung her legs a bit while observing your shared room. It was neat like always, remembering how you wanted to keep the room tidy for the two of you, knowing how Yubin wasn’t exactly too comfortable with a messy room.

Though when Yoohyeon comes inside to check on her, she’s not too surprised when the girl knocks over the pile of clothes you’d left on your computer chair, probably planning on cleaning that up when you return.

“It wasn’t me!” The taller woman immediately shouted before scrambling to pick your clothes off the floor and Yubin sighs before hopping off her bed and then helping her best friend clean up the mess she created.

“What did you do this time?” Handong asked while peeking inside the room and Yoohyeon pouts when she folds the shirt in her hands. “I swear, it was an accident.” The Chinese woman playfully rolled her eyes. “It’s always an accident with you.”

While the pair was busy arguing, Yubin silently placed your clothes back on the chair, only for her to notice how you had left your laptop on when she saw the light near the power button still on. It made her smile a bit with how your urgency had caused you to forget some things, so she moved to turn it off.

But as the screen came to life, she was surprised to see your notes open with various words and phrases written in them. Yubin knew that you often wrote, but she didn’t think you had turned your thoughts into songs, seeing as you’ve never shared anything about song writing.

She knew that it was wrong to snoop through your things, especially ones as personal as these, but each line written captured the emotions she didn’t think she’d find from you made her read more and more of what there was on display, and her silence was soon noticed by the other two.“Dami, what’s that?”

Yoohyeon’s brows pinched together before she and Handong locked eyes for a brief moment, and then moved to stand behind the younger woman, checking to see what had her so distracted.

“This is…” Handong’s eyes widened a bit when she realized what it was she was reading, but much like the other two, she found it difficult to tear her eyes away, too.

The three of them spend longer inside your room and the rest of your members start to wonder just what it was they were doing. So when they go to check, they’re all surprised to see the three still huddled in front of your laptop.

“What are you doing with unnie’s laptop?” Gahyeon questions as Siyeon purses her lips. “What’s wrong?” They spot the tears Yoohyeon was desperately trying to wipe away when she read more of your songs, but it was all in vain.

“I didn’t know it was this bad…” Yubin quietly muttered to herself, but it was loud enough for everyone else to hear. “What’s bad?” Bora asks curiously when she lightly patted Yoohyeon’s head in comfort for whatever it was that had her looking so upset.

But Minji speaks before anyone else answers. “You shouldn’t be looking through Y/n’s stuff like that.” She says sternly, but even with that, she admits that she’s just as curious as the rest of her members. “I know but… you have to see this.”

The four newcomers exchange looks and, eventually, they take a quick peek at the currently opened file, but Minji was far more reluctant due to the invasion of your privacy, but seeing the way her members’ expression shifted, her curiosity eventually got the best of her and she walked over, noticing as Siyeon wiped a tear away from her cheek before she took a seat.

Minji wasn’t sure what to expect when she viewed the screen, but as she let out a slow exhale, she let her eyes scan through the contents of your most recent work and it was then she understood what had caused two, now three, of the members to tear up. She felt herself choke up with the message left in your words.

Do I have to keep pretending?

Or is an echo all I’ll ever be?

Tell me could you really love me

When I’m nothing but a shell of someone I can’t be

When she sees the next one, it’s only then that she notices that there are dates on when you started each song and notes on when you had updated them. The next one was a newer work compared to the one she read earlier.

Now it’s not too late

I only have you, save me now

Tell me if you can hear me

Please come and let this nightmare end

She couldn’t finish the whole song, tears blurring her vision before she carefully shut your laptop and pushed it aside, making sure that it would be in a safe place on your desk, before she got up and faced everyone.

“We’ll talk later.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but given what they just found out - what you felt, they all understood and each departed for their own rooms to think and reflect on what they could do before you arrived home.

..

Trudging up the stairs to your dorm, you let out a heavy sigh, hoisting the bags you had that contained the girls’ food and drinks like you promised before leaving. You were exhausted after meeting with your parents, both physically and mentally, but you were just glad to be back home with your members.

Balancing the bags with one arm, you unlock the door and head inside, kicking your shoes off before you ventured further inside, only to frown at the silence that enveloped your usually loud and bright home.

“Guys?” You call out, confused by the lack of people, but the only person you notice is Minji, who was sitting in the living room with a contemplative look on her face and you slowly put the bags down.

“Unnie, where are the others?” You ask her, noting her silence and the unusual blank look on her face. It worries you, so you look around, only to see everyone’s doors are closed.

The unease builds in your chest, but you push forward as you take a hesitant seat across the older girl. “Is everything okay?” You ask carefully, and she finally lifts her head, surprising you when you see her slightly reddened eyes.

“Y/n, I want you to be very honest with me.” Her voice is like a plea, and her words make you antsy but you nod either way. “Of course, unnie.”

Whatever it was that was upsetting her involved you, you assume. And judging by the lack of your usually loud members, you think that they’re aware of what the problem is.

“Are you happy?”

The question catches you off guard and your eyes snap to your leader’s face, wondering if this was some sort of trick question, only to see nothing but desperation and sadness etched on to her features.

But still, the question makes you go quiet and your hands rest on your lap.

“I...” She licks her lips, almost as though bracing herself before Bora opens the door to her and Yoohyeon’s room. “Jiu wanted to say, we saw some of the things you wrote.” She explains despite the look her friend gives her and Yoohyeon quietly shuffles out of their shared room.

“We understand that you’ll be upset, but we have been trying to understand what was going on with you.” Minji sighs, seeing no more reasons for hiding. “We know that you're dealing with so much, but recently we’ve been feeling a little out of loop, and we had no idea how to help.” Yoohyeon elaborates with a nervous look in her eyes, still feeling guilty for having gone through your personal documents.

The next door to open is Siyeon’s and then Handong and Gahyeon’s. Yubin doesn’t wait either because she’s soon out of your room and joining you on the couch.“We’re asking this time… are you happy?”

You look to each of your members faces, feeling a little overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events that you feel a lump forming in your throat.

It was true that you had been suffering from depression, but you chose to keep that confidential and refused to let it be known to the public, but the girls knew.

They saw you every day and they could see it whenever the thoughts and whispers got a little too louder for you to handle. And while you would confide in them the first few months, everything felt much heavier for you that you felt like you were holding the team back.

“I… I don’t-”

“We won’t be upset, Y/n. Whether it’s a yes or no, we understand. We just want to help you.” Handong says softly when Yubin carefully reaches for your hand and slowly laces her fingers with yours.

You pause, your gaze falling to the floor as you gathered your thoughts before the weight of the past month finally settled on your shoulders. You’ve been busying yourself ever since your parents decided to come and visit you that you didn’t have the time to properly assess the situation.

You so desperately tried to throw it out of your mind, but now as your members finally sat you down and asked you how you felt, you could actually feel the weight crumbling down on you that it was nearly suffocating.

Arms are quick to envelope you from behind and the scent of Siyeon’s shampoo greets your nose. She doesn’t say anything, but it’s clear what her intentions were.

“I want to be…” You mumble quietly, squeezing Yubin’s hand when Siyeon rests her cheek on the top of your head. “There’s a lot that I want to just… shut out, and I can’t seem to do it and everything just piles up that I don’t know what to do or where to go.”

The crack in your voice resembles the ones in their hearts at the sound of it.

“You’ll always have us, unnie.” Gahyeon quietly tells you as she rounds the couch and sits on the opposite side of Yubin. “Gahyeon is right. You have seven people waiting for you and ready to catch you whenever.” Bora tells you with a kind smile, reaching to wipe your tears and cupping your cheeks.

“If you decide that you need a break and just breathe, we’ll be here to help you. You can lean on us if you feel like it’s too much for you. And if you decide that a… h-hiatus is what’s necessary, then we can respect that, too.” Even saying the word had left a sinking feeling in Minji’s stomach, but it was your well-being she wanted to prioritize before anything else.

You look at your leader and chew on your lower lip as your members could all see the conflict on your face.

While they didn’t like the idea of a hiatus, they understood that it may be what you needed the most right now. But that decision was mainly up to you and they could only support you whether you wanted to push through with it or not.

However, you don’t think that you were willing to give up after how far you’ve come. After everything you’ve been through, you doubt that you could actually pull through without your members by your side.

They’ve helped you become the person that you are now - cheered you up and encouraged you when things seemed hopeless and you were left with nothing but the harsh criticism of your family along with the nasty comments left by people online.“I don’t want to go on a hiatus.” You shake your head. “Things are hard, I know, but I don’t want to just throw in the towel after all that we’ve been through, especially when we’re scheduled to start for the next comeback.” You tell them when Gahyeon places her hands on your other arm.

Yoohyeon purses her lips together, tears already in her eyes before she’s blinking them away the best she can. “You don’t have to push yourself because of that, everyone will understand!” She exclaims and you shake your head once more.

“I’m not doing it for them.”

They pause at your words and Yubin feels as you hold her hand tighter in your grip. “I don’t want to keep doing this just because of them. I want to do this because it’s me, because I want to prove to myself that I can keep going and that I can make it.” You explain with a determined look in your eyes, that despite the dullness in them due to your exhaustion, there was still a little bit of spark that just needed more room for it to reach its full potential.

“Are you sure?”

You pause for a brief moment, but when you look back up, you offer them a smile. “Do you think I can show them some of what I wrote?”

That was enough of an answer that had all of them smiling, pride swelling in their chests as you all soon prepared for the upcoming comeback.

[blackcatclawsout]

Majima x Reader- Bento Box

I also post to AO3 under the same username!

Morning was always her favourite time of the day. Y/N stirred in her shared bed, nestling into the arms that were already wrapped around her. Majima seemed to already be awake; his grip tightened and drew her closer. He peppered her cheeks and forehead in light kisses, giggling at her sleepy groaning. She swatted away his face, chuckling softly.

"No, I have morning breath," she whined, smirking as he drew her near.

They laid in bed motionless, letting dawn's light hit their blanketed bodies. Everything was soft and warm, as the rising sun began to wake greater Tokyo. Y/N could stay like this forever, pressed against his chest, breathing in Majima. He rarely took showers at night, so she always caught a bit of his cologne in their morning cuddles. Stealing glances at her beau, she saw his face, softened as he breathed softly. She admired his thin face and his high cheekbones. Y/N gently reached up, rubbing the backs of her fingers across his motionless face. She cupped his cheek. Majima's eye opened, locking with her. His grey eye was softened in moments like these, pupil lazily dilating as he stared back at her. Catlike blinks between the two of them communicated their mutual appreciation for the silent moment they were currently sharing. Y/N's eyes darted towards his thin-lipped mouth. The hand she rested on his lean chest felt his heart speed up. The anxious pattering edged her to lean in closer. A giddy feeling rose from her stomach, compelling her to shut her eyes in excitement. The harsh melody of the phone cut through their synchronized breathing.

"Son of a..." Majima muttered, immediately turning to his bedside stand. Y/N sat up, calming her still fast-beating heart. "Nishida, d'ya even know what time- No, I haven't since... Fuck. I'll be there in a sec." He sighed, hanging up. Majima sat on the edge of the bed, fingers massaging his temple. His lover crawled to him slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder. Before she could ask, he stood up, turning around to face her. 

"Shit's hit the fan, I gotta go." His hand extended, resting on top of her head. Fingers wandered absent-mindedly through her locks as his eyes flickered over her partly covered figure. His brows were once again furrowed.

"I understand. You better get going." She nodded, smiling up at the older man. His lips parted slightly, almost to say something, but pressed together again. He sauntered to the washroom, closing the door behind him. Y/N glanced at the clock on Majima's side table.

5:56... yikes. No wonder Goro was pissed off. He doesn't usually get up for another half hour. 

She stretched as she got up, wrapping a robe around herself as she left the bedroom. Something Y/N had slowly grown accustomed to in her partnership to Majima was bento boxes. The idea of making someone a packed lunch seemed… childish to her; at least it did at first. She vaguely remembered her mother making her lunch when she was a child, probably because she couldn't be trusted to pack her own. She had learned quickly to become independent, fiercely so, and the thought of relying on someone else to make her lunch seemed strange to her. It wasn't until Goro explained that she caught the appeal.

"When you're a kid, your mom made one of them for you and your dad. It always had great shit in there- homemade and sometimes with cute decorations. Now, she only did this for you an' your ol' man, the two people she shoulda loved most. So when ya girl makes it, it means she loves ya!"  He flashed a cheeky grin as he explained. Y/N just cocked her head.

"You... don't think of your mom when you eat it?" She asked warily, causing him to burst with laughter.

"Hell no, I don't! I just think of my girl, and how lucky I am to have her." he leaned forward, pecking her cheek as he finished. 

Y/N washed the rice absent-mindedly as she thought back to then. A smile graced her lips as she turned the machine on to hum, beginning to make other parts of his lunch. There was a big learning curve at first; the rice balls would always fall apart, or she’d mess up some recipe. Far too often she had left out an element from the lunch box, only to find it waiting on the counter. Despite it all, Majima took a bento each day, calling after he finished to compliment her work. His praise motivated her, even driving her to go to a local bookstore, looking for any sort of help. Slowly, her skills improved. Her routine became more integrated and quicker with each passing day.

After a short while, she looked at her handy work. The layer bento was stuffed full of edamame, onigiri with fish, steamed vegetables, and leftover meat from their dinner before. She felt proud of her handiwork, even if it wasn’t perfect. Y/N glanced at the kitchen clock on the wall. 

It’s been almost 20 minutes... He should be ready soon.

She packed the food up, tucking his chopstick into the small plastic container. After ensuring everything was ready to go, she padded back to the bedroom, looking around for her lover. Muttering leaked out of their washroom, prompting her to follow the growling. 

“Hey, Goro-chan… You’ll need to be heading out soon,” She popped her head into the doorway,  smiling as she saw him already finished. He turned to face her, an exasperated look already carved into his face. 

“Those assholes…” He sighed as he walked towards her, He was dressed in his usual suit jacket and black leather pants. She could still smell the dampness in his hair and his body wash- one of her favourite smells. Y/N gave a soft smile to him. 

They didn’t often talk about his work, they met in spite of it, and he seemed to prefer to keep it that way. When they first met, he was insistent that he was a businessman- he looked the part then too. At the time, his hair was long and neat, his suit always pressed and clean; he had kept himself well-groomed with a clean shaved face, so it wasn’t much of a stretch then. Of course, life got in the way and they fell apart, only connecting years later by chance. The drastic change in his appearance tipped her off that he was into… different work by now. But she respected his privacy. She wasn’t oblivious by any means; Y/N meticulously knew what he did and where he was most days. After a few months of being together, she began receiving text messages from Nishida, informing her on where his boss was, especially during late evenings. They chatted frequently, even going into topics not associated with work. He was her confidant and seemed to share the image of Majima that she had. 

Goro finished with his hair and came to the doorway, kissing her cheek before heading out of the bathroom. He picked up a few things he left out on the bed before also leaving the bedroom. She tidied the washroom, bringing out the damp towel that smelled like him, and tiding the bedspread before also leaving.

“See ya! I’m off!” Majima called from the door. 

“Call you later!” She echoed from the laundry room, “Have a good day!” She waited for the door to click shut before she continued with the laundry. Household chores weren’t her favourite, she didn’t enjoy doing laundry or cooking. But if it was left up to the two of them, both Majima and Y/N would starve and live the remainder of their days on earth as nudists. On her days off, she tried to get everything done quickly, leaving the remainder of the day to read or do whatever else she pleased. Y/N stretched as the washing machine began to purr lightly. She sighed as she looked around for something else to do.

Can’t seem to find anything else… Guess it’s time for breakfast.

Padding to the kitchen, she used the remainder of the food prepared from before to make herself food. She hummed happily as egg sizzled and soup came to a soft boil. The fragrant embrace of food brought her a joy that nothing else in the world could, and she almost hated to admit it. It was half-way through her rendition of some pop song from the radio that she noticed something in the corner of her eye, sitting on the countertop. Turning she noticed it was the bento box she made. Y/N held the container in her hands, turning it over lightly. She felt her brow furrow slightly, thinking of what to do. Should she bring it to him? Glancing at the clock she sighed,

It’s 7:00 am… If I get ready soon I can drop this off and pop around Kamurocho for a bit

It was 10:30-ish when she was dressed and ready to head out. Just because of the occasion, she decided to wear a knee-length black skirt and a simple creme blouse, pairing them with black penny loafers. She admired her reflection in the hallway mirror, her makeup light and perfect for a sunny afternoon out. Y/N made sure to gently tuck in the bento box to the fabric bag she had slung around her shoulder and headed out for the day. 

Navigating the subways always seemed daunting during rush hour, so she grew thankful when she patted down the steps to find the underground mostly empty. It was a short walk through the underground mall to where she needed to go; the large hall filled with all ages shopping for what they needed. Sweet vendors sold their succulent items to the newly freed students, groups of teenage girls fawned over the newest character items displayed, some with their boyfriends. A light smile played over Y/N’s face as she too had been that way when she was younger. She understood the excitement contained within the first week off of school, how it drove young people to be out with their friends. As she left the mall area and came to her line, she noticed a pair of teens waiting. A boy and a girl stood side by side, rather stiffly. She eyed them, noticing the way they both twitched when talking to one another. How cute. She glanced down at her fabric bag.

I wonder what he was like when he was younger…

The train ride was about 20 minutes, dropping her off in the heart of Kamurocho. Despite the bright sun and lack of neon lights, people swarmed the warming streets, chatting and shopping to their heart’s content. The smell of grilled food, cigarettes, and sun-baked concrete filled her senses as Y/N darted through the crowd. Regardless of being the only foreigner for blocks, she was ignored completely by the other’s around her. It sometimes was the only redeeming quality of the busier areas. Endless roads seemed to carry on for miles, the farthest treks waving and fluttering in the edging midday heat. All of Kamurocho seemed to be gearing up for the impending festival season, which always impressed visitors from far and wide. Passing by, attendants called out in hopes of catching a customer, but their calls falling on deaf ears. The Millenium Tower loomed over the crowds in the bright sunlight, casting a sharp shadow; though it was a ways off, it still acted as a centre, or maybe more of a North star. She dawdled towards the quieter part of town where the Majima family office was located. She had vaguely remembered certain landmarks, like the worn down shrine that always seemingly had a fresh bowl of rice, or the old teahouse they had once stopped at. As she drew near the building, a tense feeling probed her stomach, though she had trouble understanding why. It was not like Goro was ever mean or told her not to come, yet she had the feeling like he had lived his life with her around his work, avoiding involving her in any regard. 

Y/N bit her lip anxiously; She would be lying to say she had not considered heading back. Simply calling him to warn him that he might have to eat out for today, or feign ignorance over his forgetfulness this morning. Yet, the prospect of doing anything else plagued her mind with guilt. Glancing at her watch, she decided to head in, despite it being only 11:22, as she’d rather be giving him his lunch early than late. She cautiously walked into the building,  immediately hit with a wall of air conditioning. She shivered in the artificial cool and looked about. The standard lobby was clean but dated and smelled of old carpet. Thinking back, Y/N had never gotten a good look at the inside, the most she saw was whatever she could see through the window the one time she saw Majima exit from here. The lobby only had a hallway attached, seemingly where the elevators and washroom would be. Gloomy plants sat destitute in the corner of the room. As she finished her look-over, her eyes settled on the high desk that rested on the left side of the room. Quietly, she approached.

The man sitting at the desk was middle aged and pudgy. His clothes and hair would have betrayed him for just another typical salary man and not someone who worked with the Yakuza. Several papers were strewn around him as he wrote on the one closest to him. As she stood waiting, she noticed the permanent fowl look on his face. It was decidedly funny when she realized it was the same face one makes at an offensive smell. Holding back a snicker, she spoke up. 

“Um, excuse me…” her voice almost was a whisper. The man whipped his head up, visibly confused. His eyes quickly jumped about her figure as he rose from his seat.

“No english. Out.” He rattled quickly in english, stepping from behind the desk. In her initial shock, he nearly dragged her to the door before she retracted her hand. 

“I’m here for-” She began.

“No english.” The man repeated once again, turning to face her.

“Is Majima Goro here?” She exclaimed loudly. The man froze where he stood, blinking owlishly at her. The air conditioning above them tousled both their hair, the moment silent, still and cold. He cleared his throat before straightening himself.

“Yes, I believe Majima-sama is in his office.” The man responded quietly, looking her over once more. Y/N sighed in relief, relaxing her own posture. 

“Thank you. Can you take me to him?” 

He shook his head softly, walking back to the desk, trailing her along dumbly. At first she thought he was refusing to help her anymore, but as he sat down, he reached for the desk’s phone and irritatedly called a short sequence. He muttered something under his breath before hanging up the phone and returning back to his papers. An awkward pause played as Y/N waited for any further instruction, standing dumbly in front of the pudgy man. Without warning, the elevator creaked opened, allowing two tall lean men to step out. She took that as her cue, and walked towards them. 

Confusion seemed to be the theme of the Majima family office; Both men took a second to look her over before jumping back into action, patting her down rather roughly. While they avoided the obvious areas, they did seem to paw her skirt a little belligerently. She bit her lip to bite back a rude comment, deciding that it wasn’t worth pissing off men who killed people for a living. When one tried to take her bag, she yelped causing them to jump slightly. Her face was hot as she opened the canvas bag herself, showing them the contents After an additional minute of snooping, they led inside the elevator adjacent; The three of them stood compactly to one another. Y/N felt them shift their body weight. The small box had no air conditioning, quickly undoing the chill she felt moments ago. Her heart beat began to pick up again as they climbed slowly to the third floor, seconds stretching to minutes. When they arrived, she was hit once again with the cooled air. 

The hallway was plain and for some reason nerve-wracking. The lack of scenery gave her less to take in as she tried to calm her beating heart. Checking and rechecking her bag, she made sure the food was in there. Her pulse was loud in her ears and her face felt hot. Why out of all the times she had given Majima a bento, this was the time when she was nervous about it? She thought back to their phone conversations after he had finished his lunch- Was he ever lying? What if he just threw it out at work and told her a pretty white lie? It was only an odd electricity in the room that made her tear her gaze from the bottom of the bag that she had been staring at.

Looking up, she found her gaze land on Goro Majima’s face, his brows furrowing as he looked over her.

“Y/N, are you alright?” His voice had an edge of concern as he stepped out a little from the doorway. She couldn’t help but find herself gawking- he felt too unreal to answer to. She had heard before that you often have trouble recognizing people when they are removed from the typical scenario you see them in; this seemed to be a prime example to her. Before she could answer, Majima led her into his office, draping his arm over her shoulder as he led her in. As she bustled in, he closed the door quickly behind them. 

Her eyes wandered over his office- It was small and rather boring, only a small katana on the wall suggested that he would actually use this space. It was surprisingly clean, save for a large desk which was scattered in various papers. The filing cabinets and tables were covered in papers as well, though neatly stacked into piles. It never had occurred to her that he would have done any other work besides physical. Her thoughts were stopped as Goro came into her view. His grey eye was dark and his brow creased, which only made him look older. His gloved hands rested on her shoulders, his gaze even with hers. 

“Are you alright, Y/N-chan?” His voice quivered slightly. Her face reddened in response, forcing her to break eye contact.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine..” she replied quietly.

A stale silence hung in the air before Majima straightened himself, hands dropping from her shoulders to hold her hands instead. He held her hands up, gently rubbing the backs of her knuckles.

“You’re not acting like yourself… What’s really happening?” His baritone voice was soft and pleading, making his concern more unbearable. The woman let out a shaky breath and urged herself to look at him. Her tongue felt swollen in her mouth and her throat seemed dryer than moments before. 

“You left your lunch at home, but I… just feel silly.” She managed to mewl meekly. Her eyes stayed trained on him while he processed what she said. His face betrayed his confusion before he cocked his head.

“My… lunch?” He repeated. She sighed heavily.

“I came into the kitchen and it was still on the counter, and I didn’t want you to be hungry or to have to go out and stop what you were doing to go buy lunch-” She began only to be cut off by his howling laughter. He held his stomach and keeled over, gasping for air while he cackled brightly. Now she really felt embarrassed.

After giggling to himself for a while longer, he looked up at her, still doubled over and gasping, “You’re too cute.” 

She fumbled with her bag, grabbing the bento and quickly shoving it to him. Even though her gaze was averted from him, she could still sense his smile as he gently took the container from her. He walked to his desk, plopping down in the plush leather chair, setting his feet up on the desk. Y/N drew near as he popped the lid open, surveying the contents.

“Okey-dokey, let’s see what we have... Karaage, edamame- always delicious… Ooh! Even salmon onigiri!” He loudly praised the humble contents of the bento, picking through the contents lightly. His lover settled on the edge of his desk, watching his reactions intently. He ate ravenously, akin to a rabid dog more than an actual person. She was the one to giggled this time, watching his face change with each side dish. 

As he finished, Majima sighed loudly, sinking further into his chair.

“Delicious as always.” 

Y/N cocked her head, “You think so?” He smirked, pulling her forward towards him.I know so.”

[diaryofabeautyfiend]

This is two parts because I got carried away. I wrote this on my phone and proof read as much as I could.

Warnings: cheating, male masturbation, m/f sex, minor spoilers for “Defending Jacob”.

——————————————————————————————

Plain Gold Ring

“Plain gold ring on his finger he wore

It was where everyone could see

He belonged to someone, but not me

On his hand was a plain gold ring”

-Nina Simone

When the Barbers moved to your building every old bitty in the place was buzzing with excitement. You had loosely followed Jacob Barber’s case as it played out on the evening news. The whole thing was bizarrely too neat and tidy for your liking. You tried to stay out of idle gossip as much as possible. But, when you heard Andy Barber was interviewing for a senior position at your firm, you had questions.

Andy was brought in to interview for a position that you were also interested in. You requested a meeting with your boss and you went in guns blazing. Your poor boss was not ready for all the excitement.

“Am I still being considered for junior partner?”

“Y/n, calm down.” When he saw you winding yourself up, he popped an antacid an a few ibuprofen.

“Calm down? Calm down he says. I’ve been with this firm since I clerked for you in Law school, Stan. I’m the best fit for this role and you know it.”

“I know you are, kid. I’ve been out voted.”

It’s common knowledge that the partners don’t want too many women gunning for their jobs. They already have one token female partner. They didn’t feel the need to add another. You were infuriated. You stomped back to your office and slammed the door.

All of the work you put in. All of the late nights. You don’t have time to even date. And all for what? You had to calm down now because you were starting to cry out of sheer frustration. You took a deep breath and started going through your to do list. With a relatively light schedule you decided to leave for the day. You mumbled something to your assistant about a doctors appointment and headed for the elevator.

You saw some of the senior partners headed your way shaking hands with Andy. You pressed the elevator button furiously trying to avoid them. Could you make it down seventeen flights of stairs in your stilettos? The elevator dinged and you jumped on just as Robert called your name.

As soon as you put your car in gear, your assistant called. You sent her to voicemail. She called again. Declined. Finally she texted call me back ASAP. Emergency. Fuck.

“Caitlan I said I had an appointment. What’s the emergency?”

“Sorry. Mr. Cramer insisted I call. He’s standing by my desk” she whispered. “They want you to have lunch with them today. Maybe it’s about the job.”

“Did you see guy shaking hands with them? That’s the new junior partner. They are asking me to lunch to reject me. Fuck! Where?” You rested your head against the steering wheel.

“Commander’s at 1:00.”

“Fine.” you groaned.

You went home to freshen up and send out your updated resume. You made sure to include “Willing to relocate” at the end to broaden your prospects. You had a friend in Chicago who worked for a very high profile firm. They were always looking for new blood. You shot her a text to let her know you were looking then emailed your resume. The prospect of starting over completely made you nauseous. You would have to go through the ranks and probably waist another five years to get exactly where you were right now.

When you arrived at the restaurant the maître d brought you to the table where Stan, several other senior partners and Andy were waiting. Andy stood up to pull out your chair.

“Gentleman. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Sit down, Y/N. We wanted to introduce you to Andrew Barber.”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N. These guys haven’t stopped talking about you all morning.”

“All good things I hope.” The men laughed and ordered a round of martinis. Good thing you ate a big lunch at home. No one likes a sloppy drunk girl.

“Yes. Well, Y/N, as you may not know Andy has accepted the junior partner position. We would love if you brought him up to speed on anything you’re working on and show him the ropes.”

You were seething. “Of course Mr. Cramer. Happy to.”

“Oh. Good. Let’s order huh? I’m starving.”

You were silent for the rest of lunch ordering two more martinis very dry and a salad. Dressing on the side of course. The men spoke loudly and never even tried to include you in the conversation. You excused yourself to use the restroom. Andy, ever the gentleman, stood up at the same time.

You didn’t go back. Not that it would have mattered. You ordered an Uber and checked your email. You didn’t notice Andy at the valet stand.

“I’m headed back to the office. Need a ride?” he called to you.

“No. I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” He watched you pace back and forth reading a message almost out loud.

You didn’t look up from your phone. “Shit.” You scowled looking at the screen. You dialed Caitlan’s extension. “Caitlan, Sloan Treadaway’s deposition was moved to today. I need it pushed to Monday.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I figured you would be coming back so I told them it was ok to push it up. I can call them back.”

“No. Don’t bother. I’m on my way back.”

“Looks like you can use a ride after all.” Andy was grinning from ear to ear.

He held the door and rushed around to the other side. You pulled a small bag out of your purse. You freshened your hair, popped some breath mints, lotioned and spritzed away the smell of booze. Andy thought this must be commonplace for you. It’s not easy trying to run with the guys. He could walk into this deposition piss drunk and most people wouldn’t care. You had to be perfect. He always hated that aspect of working in a big firm like this.

“Sorry. I’ll pay to have your car cleaned.” It smelled like you now. Expensive perfume and minty breath. Sweet but not sickly so. He inhaled letting his nostrils flair breathing you in. “Don’t want your wife to be pissed.”

“Lori? Don’t worry about her. She’ll understand.”

“How is she doing with her job search?”

“Doing ok. Thanks for asking. She’s interviewed with a few places.”

“She worked for a non profit right?” When he looked at you quizzically, you quickly explained yourself. “I hear things. Anyway. I know the director of a non profit organization that might be a great fit for her. I’ll pass along her information.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Stan told me you were the front runner for this position. I know how hard it is for women in this industry. I want to say how sorry I am…”

“Let me stop you there. First of all, don’t be sorry. You’re high profile and a damn good litigator. They would be stupid not to offer you the moon. You’re over qualified for this job. You didn’t come here gunning for me. I’ll be fine. Besides, a few of these old bags have one foot in the grave. It won’t be long for me.”

Andy smiled at you but still kind of felt like shit at the way the firm treated you. When you pulled into the garage you offered a quick thanks and rushed into the building to prepare.

Andy stayed behind for a bit. He spent a few precious moments breathing in your scent, letting it linger and wash over him. He hoped his clothes would smell a little like you. Stan said you were a “fire cracker”. Andy always hated that analogy. He knew by the way the group of men talked about you that he would like you. Your quick banter in the car confirmed it. Throughout the rest of the day you would invade his thoughts. He and Lori were still married but their relationship was long over. You had excited him more in a couple of hours than she had in years. When he got home he didn’t eat dinner or speak to anyone. He went right to his room where he replayed your exchange over and over. The ghost of your perfume lingered on his shirt. Both of your scents mixed together gave him a raging hard on. He kept your shirt over his face while he fisted his cock.

——————————————————————

The next morning you decided to face the day with a fresher attitude. Sometime yesterday you heard from your friend. She was thrilled that you reached out to her. She has been trying to get you out there for a while. Knowing that you had a solid backup plan was giving your hair volume and clearing your skin.

You thought you were early but Andy was already in your office waiting for you.

“Morning, Mr. Barber.” God he loved how you said that.

He scoffed, “Andy. Please. I brought you a coffee. I hope it’s ok. I got your order from Caitlan. I thought we’d order in lunch today. We have a lot of ground to cover. You should probably let your family know you’ll be missing dinner.”

“I don’t think my dead ficus will worry too much.” Your tone was dry.

“I apologize for the assumption.”

“Not necessary. Though my mother and my therapist would both be pleased to know that I look like someone who could have a family.”

You were funny. You seemed to say whatever thought popped into your head. You had one hell of a poker face though. He didn’t know if you were trying to be funny or if this was just you. When you didn’t look up from your computer screen he didn’t laugh.

As the day wore on you warmed up to him a little. You filled him in on the three big cases you were working on. You were actually going to trial on a very important case soon. He insisted you rehearse your opening statement a hundred times.

During the third run through Andy’s phone was blowing up. He finally turned it off and told you to keep going. He watched you pace around the room and coached you on your stance. “Stand with authority not arrogance.” He chided. He showed you himself then, asked if he could touch your shoulders. “Round them out like this. Good. Back straight. See?” he pointed to your reflection in the window, “It’s not menacing or arrogant. But you look like you’re in charge. You look perfect.” Hell. Was he flirting with you? By the time you looked at the clock it was 9:30.

“Fuck is that the time?” he said with a boisterous yawn.

“Shit. We should pick this up tomorrow.”

“Let’s go get a drink. I’m buying.”

You quirked your eyebrow, “I’m sure your wife and kiddo are dying to see you.”

He stacked some folders neatly on your desk and looked up at you through his lashes, “I’ll be sure to tell my therapist that I look like a guy who has a happy marriage and a good relationship with his kid.”

Your cheeks heated. The way he was looking at you made you sad but it also warmed your insides. “I’m sorry.” you mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. We said we would stay together until Jacob went away to school. He pretends to ignore the fact that we have separate bedrooms. We put on happy faces everyday. We’re a typical American family.”

You laughed at his admission. His whole story was so fucked up. You wanted to know everything about him. “You know, I think I will let you buy me a drink.”

“Good girl.” he said in a low voice that went strait to your core. The whole way to the car you repeated a mantra in your head reminding you not to get involved with a married man. It didn’t matter how unhappy they were. But you wanted him. Every time he touched you, your insides would quake.

The bar was packed with regulars from the DA’s office and other firms. You introduced Andy around. The guy was a legitimate pro. He was so smooth working the room. The whole time he kept finding small ways to touch you. The brush of his fingers on your arm his breath against your ear when he asked if wanted another drink. Your heart nearly stopped. You stuck with him for a while until your feet couldn’t stand anymore. Every time he caught your eye from across the room he winked at you.

For the first time in a long time Andy was enjoying himself. Your friends were fun and not at all stuffy like he thought this crowd would be. You were adorable. Your laugh was cute. The way you brushed against him on purpose was cute. You were openly flirting with him the more you drank. He had a massive crush on you. What grown man has a crush these days. He thought maybe if he fucked you and got it out of his system he’d get over it.

Your friend Liz sat down at your table trying to talk to you for a solid minute before you noticed. “Sorry. I was distracted. What were you saying?” She threw her head back laughing at you.

“I said you two would make a gorgeous couple.”

“Stop. He’s married.”

“Happily?”

“That doesn’t matter. Married is married.”

“So that’s a no. He’s been eye fucking you all night. Shoot your shot, darling. We get so few in this life.” The light hit his wedding ring just right making you feel horrible for even entertaining the thought. Do not get involved. You kept chanting it in your head over and over until Andy slid in the booth next to you. He leaned over so he could talk over the din of the crowd.

“Hey, you. Wanna get out of here?”

“You don’t need to bring me home, Andy. I can catch an Uber.” That was such a ridiculous statement since you lived in the same building.

“That’s not what I asked. I said do you wanna get out of here?” His eyes were fixed on your mouth. A salacious grin splayed across his lips just knowing you’d give in.

“Andy. I….” You stuttered over your words. Your brain stopped working when you felt his warm breath on the shell of your ear. “Let’s get out of here.” Your breath hitched in your chest when he touched the small of your back. He payed his tab and lead you out of the bar.

You held hands in the car. His thumb rhythmically traced patterns on your knuckles. Every touch sent bolts of arousal to your aching cunt. It felt electric. You were ready to crawl into his lap by the time you made it into the garage. He parked in his spot and followed behind you to the elevator. You lived two floors below him. You glanced back at Lori’s sensible suv next to his car and felt embarrassed. He caught you looking and stopped you in your tracks. He took your chin in between his thumb and index finger forcing you to look at him.

“I understand if you don’t want to invite me in. I’m asking a lot of you. But I really like you, Y/N. You are funny and intimidatingly smart. And, fuck me, you are fucking stunning. I can go to work tomorrow like nothing happened. Don’t worry about Lori. Worry about what this means working together. Can you handle this?”

Your brain was no longer working and deferred to your pussy for any and all further decisions. You had not had even mediocre sex in six months. You just knew Andy was going to blow your mind. All day you have been working together so well. You challenged each other and he encouraged you when you faltered. Would this change the dynamic at work? Absolutely. Could you handle it? You’re damn right you could.

“I can handle it.”

“Good girl.” You all but sprinted to the elevator. He wouldn’t touch you until you actually got inside of your apartment and closed the door. When you did, he pushed against you and covered your lips with his.

You tasted the golden flavor of beer on his tongue as it probed your mouth. He unbuttoned your blouse and pushed it over your shoulders letting it hit the floor. He kissed his way down the column of your neck to the swell of your breasts. You panted underneath him raking your nails through his hair.

“God you smell incredible. At any point if you don’t want this….”

“Andy, shut up and fuck me.” He growled low in his throat before he picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. You could see how hard he was through his impeccably tailored slacks. You unzipped his fly and took the whole throbbing appendage in your mouth.

“Fuck, baby yes.” he hissed. You relaxed your throat muscles and swallowed him deeper. “You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He moaned your name over and over soaking your panties. “Stop, honey. Let me see that pretty pussy.”

He eased you down onto the bed and undressed you painfully slow. It had been so long since he was intimate with someone, he wanted to take his time. He started with your feet removing your heels and massaging your insteps. His hands ran up the length of your legs to your skirt. He took off your panties first letting the skirt material pool around your waist. “So wet for me. So beautiful.” He slipped two fingers in between your folds hitting everywhere but your clit. He built up a tortuous rhythm that had you begging for relief. He smiled down at you watching completely fall apart. When he dipped his fingers inside of you, you were done. Your orgasm spilled out in one glorious cry. Before you could catch your breath he pulled off your skirt and unhooked your bra. His cock was weeping at the sight of you. A large hand held the back of your neck holding your head in place so you could look at him. Your eyes locked as he buried himself inside of you. There were no more words as he moved inside of you. Only breathless moans and sighs would escape your lips. He increased his pace and your orgasm started building again.

“Fuck. Andy, I’m….fuck!”

“I’m with you, honey. Come with me.” His words were your undoing. You latched your whole body onto him. He held you tight whispering praises in your ear. He kissed you slow and deep easing you back down to Earth. “You ok?”

“I think so.” You both laughed at the sight of yourselves. Sweat glistening off of your skin, lips puffy and kiss swollen. He eased off of you and rubbed your thighs to relax you. You thought he would get dressed and rush out but he crawled under the covers instead.

“Can I stay for a while?” Big arms pulled you down to his chest. He stroked your back softly to help you drift off to sleep.

“I’d like it if you did.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of your head and let his eyes flutter closed.

When dawn found you a few hours later, you were still tangled with each other. You jolted awake panicking because Andy was still in your bed. “Andy, wake up. You stayed all night.”

“I know. What time is it?”

“6:45.”

“Then we have time. Go back to sleep.”

“But Lori…”

“I told you not to worry about her. Get back on this pillow and let me hold you. Please.” The poor guy was so touch starved you guessed. Andy Barber was not a man who did well being single. He loved being in love. He longed for a connection. For passion. He knew those things would sometimes fizzle out of a marriage. But, with you, he couldn’t see that. Your fire matched his fire and Lori was the wet blanket that always snuffed him out.

He supposed that wasn’t really fair. Two people were in their marriage. He worked long hours and spent very little time doing anything but being an ADA and being a dad. He didn’t give the same dedication to being Lori’s partner. The stress of this past year pushed them further apart. He felt obligated to be with her. It was his idea to stay together for Jacob’s sake. He regretted pushing for it.

He pulled you close to his body and wrapped an arm around your waist. He nuzzled your hair and fell back to sleep. You did too.

[voiceless-terror]

Ink (TMA Fanfic)

For TMA Gerry Week 2021 Day One

Pairings: Jonathan Sims/Gerry Keay/Martin Blackwood

Rating: T

Summary: Art’s how Gerry shows his love- a few snippets where he does exactly that. No powers-au, Gerry and Martin own a bookstore. Takes place in this universe but can be read alone!

He’s getting used to having people who want him around.

Gerry’s had friends, sure. Once he left the institute and began working odd jobs, he realized how much he genuinely enjoyed having company. He still isn’t the most social of creatures, but he does enjoy a night out with old coworkers who enjoy his stories and laugh at his jokes. But now, with Jon and Martin, they want him around all the time. Even after they started dating, even after he moved in, he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It never does, though. And Gerry, in spite of himself, begins to relax. Begins to feel at home. 

He’s laying on the couch, scribbling in his notebook when Martin surprises him with a peck to the top of his head. “Whatcha drawing this time?” He was very excited when he heard Gerry liked to draw, immediately asking to see his notebook or anything he’d done. He’d only recently shown him some of his work; he knows Martin would never make him feel embarrassed, but, well. It’s another part of himself no one’s ever been interested in. Until now.

“Jon,” Gerry responds, leaning into the touch. It’s an amateurish attempt in his opinion, just a rough sketch. But he’s got the proportions down and he never forgets a face. Couldn’t forget, in Jon’s case. 

“That’s…” Martin trails off, peering closer at the page. “That’s really good. You’ve even got him smiling!” It’s not that Jon never smiles; he smirks and laughs and snarks. But he’s managed to capture that rare, bright grin that makes Gerry’s heart skip a beat.

“Mhm.” Gerry nods slightly, pen tapping against his sketchpad. He turns around, seeing the naked fondness in Martin’s eyes and has a particularly wicked thought. “Y’know, this is how he looks when he’s watching you.”

Martin sputters, turns a lovely shade of red. “W-What? Really?”

“No,” Gerry smirks. “It’s the way he looks at the Admiral.” A groan and a light smack to the shoulder prove his joke is unappreciated. “Sorry, sorry! I’m sure he also looks at you that way-”

“You’re an ass.” Martin rolls his eyes but oh-so-gently picks up his hand, pausing to inspect the ink-stained fingers. “A very talented ass.” His mind blanks as Martin kisses them one by one.

Thoroughly distracted, he never gets around to finishing that sketch.

_______

Painting, as it turns out, is a lot harder than it looks. Still quite fun, though.

They’ve just found the perfect space- a little out of their price range, but Gerry’s got savings and Jon was willing to part with a bit himself. Martin fretted over his ‘meager contribution,’ as his savings were depleted in the final months of his mother’s care. Ridiculous that he would ever think his contribution meager, considering he’s the one who scouted for locations and did all of the paperwork and stayed up late, agonizing over their finances. Some days, Martin’s the only one keeping them sane. Gerry and Jon are due to remind him of that.

Which is why they’re handling the decorating. Jon claims to have no artistic talent, but he does have a knack for making places seem like home. There are boxes filled with knick knacks and rugs and pictures, all waiting to be hung somewhere once Jon’s finally settled on a layout. Gerry’s left with painting the walls, labeling the different sections in whatever way he sees fit. He’s currently at work on the horror section, painting a stylized eye above the tarp-covered bookshelf when he hears the sound of the bell; Martin must be back from the store. They’d run out of appropriately-sized nails and after a minor freak out, he’d been on his way.

“Find what you were looking for?” he calls, listening as Martin’s footsteps grow closer, the crinkle of bags in his hand. “Here to save the day?”

“I wouldn’t call it saving,” Martin snorted, setting them down on the ground with a thump. “But it’ll certainly help. That looks nice.”

Gerry pauses, considering his work. He really needs a darker green for this. “Thanks. It’s a work in progress.”

“I’m sure it’ll turn out great,” he murmurs distractedly, and Gerry turns to look back at him. The lines of his face are more pronounced than usual, as are the shadows under his eyes. A sure sign that the stress is getting to him. Gerry understands, and he’s not much for being particularly sappy but he does what he can to help.

“Hey,” he calls down to him from his ladder. “C’mere. Need your opinion on something.”

Martin sighs, but heeds the call. “What is it? You know I’m rubbish with this art stuff-”

“It’ll only take a second. Come closer.”

“What am I supposed to be looking at-”

“Closer.”

As Martin huffs and leans towards him, Gerry darts his paintbrush out, drawing the quickest of hearts on Martin’s cheek before he can pull away. 

“Gerry!” Martin startles and his hand reaches up to wipe at his cheek.

“Don’t smear it, it’s a heart.” He pauses, going for his gravest voice. “Because I love you so much. I’ll be devastated if you ruin it.”

“I don’t appreciate that.” Martin sighs but drops his hand, his face softening already. Exasperation has never been paired with fondness, not when it’s aimed at Gerry. Another thing he’s starting to get used to.

“Shame. It looks good.”

Martin goes home with a heart on his other cheek as well. He looks ridiculous. Gerry loves it.

_________

When Jon’s particularly stressed, Gerry leaves him post-it notes.

Often he leaves before Gerry even wakes, so he’s got to do them the night before. A little cat here, a little caricature of Bouchard there. He leaves a variety, depending on his mood. Jon always gives him a kiss when he gets home, a soft ‘thank you for the note,’ and that’s all he needs, really, to keep doing it. He likes making Jon smile.

Martin’s gone grocery shopping and Jon’s pulling a late night again, so Gerry’s alone in the flat looking for something to do. There’s nothing on Netflix worth watching (or at least, worth watching by himself) and he’s not in the mood for his latest novel, so he decides he’s going to be productive, make a list of all the things he has to do this week. Jon’s always going on about lists, though he leaves them everywhere and never seems to accomplish everything on them. Maybe it’s the act of making them that’s relaxing. It’s worth a try.

He makes his way over to the second bedroom they (mostly Jon) use as an office. He’s sure Jon’s got a little notepad here that he can use, and he wants it to look as official as possible. He opens the left hand drawer but only finds Martin’s receipts, and on the right he finds a plain-looking notebook, a little worn with use. Maybe that’s what he uses-

Gerry opens it. Pauses. Blinks. Feels something heavy and thick form in his throat.

It’s his notes- his stupid little sketches, his ‘have a good day at work’s, his smiley-faces and little hearts. Each carefully placed on page after page with an accompanying date, neat and tidy, like a little scrapbook. Mum used to throw out his ‘doodles,’ as she called them, told him his time was better spent on actual art, but Jon’s kept all of them. Like they mattered. Like they were important. He sets it back down on the desk and just stands there, heart beating hard in his chest.

Gerry’s tearing up like some sort of moron so he’s distracted and doesn’t hear Jon come home, doesn’t hear his usual grumblings and sighs. Doesn’t hear him until Jon’s right behind him, startling him with a hand on his arm. “Sorry, I was just- Gerry, are you alright?”

Alright. Alright. It’s a word that doesn’t encompass everything he’s feeling. Wanted, embarrassed, a little overwhelmed. And so, so happy. 

He turns around and grabs Jon in a fierce hug, overcome with affection and eager to hide his stupid tears as he squeezes Jon to his chest. “You’re adorable, you know that?” he says, peppering kisses to the top of his head despite Jon’s weak protestations. “Real fuckin’ cute.”

Jon melts into his embrace, even as he complains. “I’ve got no idea what you’re on about, Gerry,” he says into his chest, the words muffled. “You’re being absurd.” Jon’s just about the only person he knows that uses ‘absurd’ on a daily basis. It’s insufferable. Gerry loves it.

“Just let me hug you, you little ogre.”

_________

Sometimes, Gerry’s the one who’s got to be up early. Doctors appointments are a bitch, and after a brief scare last year, it’s important that he keep up with them. Martin helps him schedule, marking the appointments on the calendar with a bold black marker that can’t be missed.

This morning’s particularly brutal, with an eight o’clock appointment an hour’s commute away. Jon went to sleep at a reasonable hour last night and he needs the rest; Gerry knows if he wakes Martin, he wakes them both. Jon’s never been good at sleeping alone. 

He’s stumbling blearily around the kitchen, about to put the kettle on when he notices it. On the table is a post-it note; he doesn’t remember leaving one for Jon last night, but he’d been rather tired, so who knows? Gerry putters around, fixing his tea and nibbling at toast when he finally spares it a glance. 

It’s not for Jon. It’s for him.

Good luck at your appointment! It reads in Martin’s familiar, neat script. Accompanying it is a small doodle that has to be Jon’s; it’s not particularly good, but it clearly shows a little Gerry, makeup and all, with a plaster on his cheek and a heart over his head. It looks like Jon spent time on it. Spent time on some stupid little post it note to make Gerry smile. 

He puts it in his pocket. Takes it out a few times in the waiting room, stares at it. Everything looks fine, the doctor says at the end of the appointment. He’s so lucky.

He’s so lucky.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29635833

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 33

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst

; Word Count: 6.1k

; Warnings: Discussion of car accident, brief sexual content mention, depiction of a PTSD/panic attack

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This is a bit earlier than usual but I want to get it out while it was done and I was feeling okay about it...work and job rejections have been hitting ol’ self-confidence hard so writing is a bit tougher than normal. I’ve gone through this for grammar but I haven’t properly proof read. I hope you all enjoy this though and please send me comments and feedback so I know what you think! I love to read them and it helps to boost me :)

; Flower Masterpost

-

Straightening up, you winced before rubbing at the small of your back before stretching. It was summer, which meant the sun was shining strongly. As much as you like the sun, you weren’t so much of a fan when you knelt in the grass for hours on end. The sunhat on your head helped a little, as did the sunglasses but your skin was shiny with the veneer of sweat.

You were hot, and with a deep sigh, you wiped across your forehead with your arm. The thick gardening gloves on your hands were covered in dirt and compost, keeping your hands clean but also making them incredibly warm. As much as you enjoyed gardening, it felt like a chore in the heat of a summer’s day.

But at least you had some company for your misery today. Your mom was knelt next to you, leaning forward and diligently weeding her beloved flowers. Hoseok and you had come over for the day, intending to feast yourselves on your dad’s famous pot roast before heading home with a bag full of leftovers that would be eaten at work.

Watching your mom closely for a moment, you felt a surge of warmth and love for her. You never really noticed how much older she looked now; the lines on her face that were deepening and the greys in her hair that were multiplying more than you liked. It was easy to miss the passage of time on your parents when you weren’t paying attention too closely, but now that you stopped and looked at her closely you could see it.

You hoped she was happy with how her life had turned out. Even if it wasn’t the best, that’s all you wanted for your parents. To be happy and proud of you.

“So, what’s your plan for your yard? Are you going to get that porch built that you wanted? I wouldn’t bother trying to do any of your gardens and flowers at the moment. Unless you’re planning on planting flowers that will bloom in autumn and winter. Though there are some pretty ones. I’ll have a look online for you and find the best ones if you want? Maybe we can get your garden looking all nice together, a little mother-daughter bonding time.” Smiling at her, you nod your head slowly.

“Sounds good. Though we haven’t bought it yet. Officially. I mean, they’ve accepted our offer but now it’s all that legal stuff, you know? So I don’t feel too comfortable changing anything just yet, just in case anything goes wrong.” There’s a slight hesitance to your tone. So small that you don’t even realise it’s there, but your mom recognises it.

Sitting up, she stretches as well before shifting until she’s sitting cross-legged and facing you. There’s a wince on her face from overused joints that are ageing but she doesn’t complain, instead just looking at you intently.

“What’s wrong? I can tell there’s something. Is there something wrong with the house or anything like that?” It’s amazing how easily she picks up on things like but she did raise you. Cleaned you up when you were younger and you fell over, taught you everything you know and helped to make sure you grew to be the best version of yourself.

“No. No, there’s nothing wrong with the house. Or with Hoseok, before you ask. It’s just...I feel a little stressed. Or worried rather worried that’s better. More accurate. It’s just...a house, you know? It’s a big purchase, really expensive and it’s permanent. If anything happens with Hoseok and me then we have to go through the whole process of selling it and splitting the proceeds. And then we have to move out and I wouldn’t have a home anymore and-” The gentle pressure of your mom’s hand on your arm causes you to pause.

She has a gentle smile on her face and an understanding expression which soothes whatever frayed nerves you have. This is probably one of the few times you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about this issue with Hoseok, being too worried he might take offence or something. But your mom understood.

“Sometimes...I think you get way too caught up in your thoughts. I want you to consider something, okay? Yes, it might all fall apart and it might not work out. But what if it does work out? What if everything is perfect and you get a nice house? And then Hoseok proposes and you get married. Then in fifty years, you can be telling your grandchildren all about meeting their grandad and falling in love in your lovely home.” Snorting slightly, you can’t help but roll your eyes slightly as your lips quirk.

“We’re not having kids, remember?” She makes an expression indicating she’s remembering what you’d told her. Your parents hadn’t been surprised to find out Hoseok didn’t want kids either. If anything, they’d been pleased because they knew how much you wanted to remain childfree.

“Yes, yes, but you know what I mean. Sometimes you just have to go with it. Enjoy your life in the moment sweetheart, you’ve spent far too long focusing on the negative aspects of life in my opinion. Just...take the time to enjoy the fact that you’re able to buy a house with the man you love and who loves you back. I can’t predict the future or anything but...I think you’re both going to be happy. So just focus on that, okay? You’ve got a nice little house to work on together, two cars, a cute cat, a good job and a great relationship. Focus on the positives.” Letting go of your arm, she took your hand before squeezing in reassurance.

Taking a deep breath, you let it out slowly before shifting and reaching out to carry on gardening. You know that your mom is right, but it’s still a worry that buzzes in your stomach continuously. That something will go wrong and you’ll have no home along with no Hoseok.

The very thought of not having Hoseok in your life anymore makes your breath stutter, lungs freezing until you’re pressing a hand against your chest to try and coax them back to life. One of the reasons you’d been so nervous about getting into a serious relationship had been because you were terrified of falling in love only to have it all stolen from you.

It still scared you, the idea that one day you might wake up alone and that you’d never see or talk to him again. But that was just because you loved him so much that the very idea of not being with him anymore hurt. You wondered if Hoseok felt the same, deep emotions that you did.

“I know...I know. I can’t help it, you know? I’m trying, I promise. Hoseok’s finally convinced me to give therapy a try. The antidepressants are working well but I still have moments, you know? I don’t feel entirely settled and this whole house thing is getting me a little stressed. Not because of the house itself but...just everything it symbolises. So I’ve got an appointment for one next month, the earliest I could get.” Shrugging, you smile at her before digging back into the soil to make a hole for the flowers your mom had bought.

“Good, I’m glad. I hope it works. My advice to you is to just take everything a day at a time, okay? It’ll all work out for you.” There’s a quiet reassurance in her words and you can’t help but relax, knowing that for now at least you can just enjoy yourself without any negative thoughts.

A loud groan leaves her as she stretches once more, a loud crack emanating from her back as her bones move and you wince slightly. Reaching over, you rub at her back soothingly and laugh as she lets out a deep sigh before thanking you.

“Okay, finish that flower off and then we’ll head inside. My back is killing me and I just want to sit down for a bit.” Nodding at her, you let her go before finishing off the flowerbed and packing up all the gardening stuff into the small shed your dad had built last year. 

Hands grasping at your waist cause you to shriek in surprise, spinning around and getting ready to push at the intruder. The sight of your boyfriend, his expression full of mischief, causes you to relax to the point your eyes are rolling.

“Hoseok! God, I thought you were some rando.” Hissing, you push lightly at his stomach and pout. A tiny bit of an over-reaction but if you couldn’t be dramatic with Hoseok then who could you be? He knew you weren’t truly bothered by his playfulness, especially when you leaned into his body a little.

“Bit weird for a rando to be in your parent’s backyard,” His arms slide around you, hugging you tightly and practically moulding your back to his front. “But no, it’s just your loveable weirdo.”

Snorting, you continue to carefully put away everything into their specified areas. Your mom liked things to look neat and tidy at all times now, which meant you were having to find where everything belonged. Otherwise, you’d get a phone call that would result in you being berated for leaving the shed messy.

“Is the door finished then?” Hoseok had volunteered to help your dad repaint the front door and start varnishing the porch steps. That had been around three hours ago, so you could only assume that not only were they finished but that he was probably famished. You’d discovered he seemed to have that stereotypical guy’s stomach in that it was a black hole which would eat anything and everything.

Burrowing his face into your neck, he hums in acknowledgement. Closing the drawer, you twist around until you can slip your arms around him in turn. Unlike the normal smell you’d come to adore, today he smelled of the overwhelmingly strong chemicals in the polish he’d used. It didn’t smell great and you wrinkled your nose, unhappy at the fact it wasn’t what you were used to but unwilling to move away from him.

“Thank you, for helping him. He’s been wanting that porch done for years now but his knees are so bad.” None of that is new information to Hoseok and you suspected that was why he’d volunteered to do it. To the point that he’d even headed out with your dad to the local DIY store to grab everything that they would need.

The look of happiness on your dad’s face when he’d realised that he was finally going to get one of his jobs finished had made you almost want to cry with emotion. You hadn’t though, but you were giving Hoseok a tight hug to convey your gratitude to him for being a good person. The quick kiss was just an afterthought, but he’d earned that too.

Wandering hands tell you that he’s more frisky than you’d thought he would be after the work he’d been doing, and it’s only when he squeezes a good handful of your ass that you pull away with laughter. While you still weren’t a big fan of your ass, it was still a little too big for your insecurities, Hoseok was very much a fan.

What some people call ‘an ass man’.

“Hoseok, come on. We have to go in and I am not doing anything with you in my parent’s shed. Plus, you got a blowjob this morning! I need to go help sort the vegetables out for dinner an-” Warm lips pressed against your own interrupt you, their softness making you give in almost instantly as you just enjoyed him.

Little butterflies were fluttering in your stomach as he just lazily kissed you, no urgency to his movements despite what you’d just said. Still, you didn’t push him away. He still remembered, even after over two years, that you enjoyed just kissing. Catching up on all the times you’d missed out on as a teenager and the intermittent years.

So you were loath to pull away from him; especially when he was doing what you imagined a loved-up teenage couple would do when out of sight of their parents. It was fun. Plus, Hoseok was a great kisser.

Finally, though, he stops and leans back to grin at you. It’s a testament to how much you are attracted to and love him with how strong the urge to drop to your knees for him right then and there. Maybe he could have two blowjobs in one day.

“Okay, we can go in now. Do you need help with the vegetables?” The way he changes the mood so quickly has you almost experiencing whiplash, eyes widening as you watch him turn around and walk out. Bringing a hand palm up, you squint at his back and mouth out ‘what the fuck?’ before following him.

By the time you manage to catch up to him, giving him a slightly sullen look even if you’d been the one to deny anything was going to happen, he’s already entering the house. The air is rich with the scent of slow-cooking pot roast and you sigh in contentment, heading into the kitchen.

“You can help if you want. Hey mom, it’s okay. We’ll do that for you.” Gently, you push her away from the counter and take the peeler from her hand. She looks between you both with a quizzical look, her lips quirked up into a half-smile when Hoseok just starts to wash his hands with no complaints before taking control of the carrots.

Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything except for thanks as she leaves you both to it. You get the strong feeling that she’s bemused he’s helping you without complaint or further prodding. As much as your dad likes to cook on occasion, he usually takes a little bit of convincing to get him to help out.

“Oh hey, there’s stuff to make my mom’s roast potatoes...do you want me to make them?” You don’t see the curious expression on your mom’s face as she tilts her head, watching as Hoseok lifts a bottle of soy sauce and the grinder full of black pepper. Instead, you’re too busy making an excited face at him as you nod eagerly.

“Oh my god, yes! My parents have never had them before. I think it’ll go well too as my dad always likes to put everything in the cupboard in his pot roast…”

-

“You know...you weren’t kidding when you said that there was a high chance that I could end up getting the shits from your dad’s pot roast. That was a spicy ass meal. God, it tasted so damn good though. I’m glad he made so much for us to take back.” Hoseok was sat, or rather slouched, in the passenger seat of your car.

A hand was resting on his stomach, which looked to be holding a significant food baby. Snorting with laughter, you nodded in agreement before grinning as he let his head loll on the backseat. You’d been telling him about your dad’s infamous pot roast for a long time now and he’d finally gotten to experience it. 

On top of that, your parents had been wowed by the roast potatoes Hoseok had made using his mom’s recipe. To the point that your mom had begged him to tell her how to make them, at which he’d made a big show about having to ask his mom for permission.

Somehow, that had all led to her calling his mom to formally ask for it. Even though Hoseok had been joking about it and fully intended to let her know how to make it. An hour after that, when you’d finally left after bidding your dad goodnight and with a bag full of leftover roast in Tupperware, your mom’s were still chattering away to each other.

You didn’t have too much experience with how parents were supposed to interact with each other but you were pretty sure becoming close friends wasn’t too normal. But again, you didn’t have any relevant experience here so maybe it was.

“Have you ever seen Step Brothers?” The question comes out of nowhere but Hoseok’s used to it by now. He doesn’t even look over at you in confusion or amusement, just answers you like you’d asked him what his favourite colour is.

“Yeah, why?”

“I think our moms just did that whole ‘did we become best friends?!’ thing.” Now he’s the one letting out a snort, his smile big enough that you can spot it out of the corner of your eye. He knows exactly what you mean, nodding even though you can’t see him properly.

“I think they did. You know, I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. We’ll never be left alone now, you know that right?” Shrugging, you flex your fingers on the steering wheel and enjoy the texture of the leather beneath your hands. You were already approaching home, the roads quiet in the warm evening sun as everyone probably spent time in their yards.

“I like your mom. And I like my mom...sooo, I don’t see any problem with that.” Given you’re focusing on the road, you don’t notice the droll stare he gives you. Which is probably a good thing, because you’d just poke him if you had seen it.

“Are you kidding? Okay, maybe it’s just me that won’t be left alone then. I’ll never be able to do anything wrong. Whether it’s trivial or something serious.” There’s a serious whine to his voice and a glance over shows you that he’s pouting almost comically, causing you to giggle at his protruding lower lip. He may be a little dirty and sweaty from his day’s work, covered in tattoos and piercings but he just looked adorable.

“Well...I guess you’ll have to be on your best behaviour then, won’t you?”

“Very funny. I tell you, I’m going to hear about everything tiny thi-” He’s cut off by your loud cursing, the words coarse and filled with vitriol as you glare at the asshole who almost hit you. Slamming on the brake, you jerk forward hard as the car stops far quicker than you expected and the seat belt feels almost like it’s choking.

“Fucking hell, these brakes are sharper than I expected.” You exclaim, resting your hands in the perfect driving position on the wheel while letting out a deep breath to calm yourself. Glaring down the road, you note that the other car isn’t even there anymore and you can’t help yourself from flipping the bird in the air.

You were at the last intersection before your street, the opening just ahead of the traffic lights that had been green for you. Which meant that they had been red for whoever that ass was. It hadn’t stopped them from speeding as they ran their red, coming within inches of hitting your side of the car if you hadn’t braked so suddenly.

Shuddering, you crack your neck and wince as you rub at it, hoping you hadn’t caused yourself whiplash. Setting off again, you scowl before realising you were hearing a weird noise. Frowning deeply, you look over the display to see if any warning lights have come on before realising it’s coming from your side.

It takes one look to realise Hoseok is very much not okay. 

He’s paler than you’ve ever seen and that immediately startles you, but what’s even more worrying is the way he’s got a death grip on the door handle and his seat cushion. You have to look away from him sooner than you would have liked given you were still driving, turning into the street with the house in sight now but you could hear him.

And you weren’t sure that you’d ever heard something so...haunting.

It was like he couldn’t breathe properly; his chest constricted or something while pained noises were being dragged out of his throat. You don’t even realise that you’ve sped up, subconsciously trying to get home and park so that you can help your boyfriend with whatever’s going on.

He’s still making those horrible sounds and breathing like he’s run a marathon when you pull into the drive, putting the parking brake on and turning the engine off before turning to him. Reaching out a hand slowly, it’s only when you can feel his bicep that you realise he’s trembling. No, not trembling. He’s shaking almost violently despite his death grip on the car.

“Hobi...Hoseok. Baby, what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” You didn’t know what to do, and you didn’t understand what was happening. Why was he acting like this? Like he’d just seen a ghost or something.

And then it clicks in your head. The intersection, the idiot who almost hit you, the way you’d slammed on the brakes and cursed a storm. For you, it had just been an annoyance and a near miss. But Hoseok had been in a situation like that when he was a child, and it hadn’t been a near miss.

“Oh, shit. Shit. Fuck,” Muttering, you look around the car as you wonder how to break him out of whatever attack he’s suffering. “It’s okay, Hoseok. It’s okay, I’m here. You’re safe, you’re okay. I promise.” 

As you try to find something to jar him out of his memories, you talk to him constantly. It’s utter nonsense what you’re saying but you want to make sure he can hear someone he loves, reassures him that he’s not alone. Glancing over to him, you swallow thickly at how panicked and frightened he looks.

Pulling out the tube of hard peppermints that had been living in your bag for probably two years at this point, you thrust them into his nose. It’s probably a dumb thing to do but something you’d learnt since your panic attack had been that a good way to get people out of the looping fear was something unexpected.

The strong scent of the hard-pressed mints was probably hard to miss given you jammed it against his nose a little too hard. There was white powder left, which wouldn’t look too great if anyone happened to see him, but you didn’t care. It worked.

Yanking his head back suddenly, Hoseok took a deep breath that sounded more painful than you like before looking at you with wide eyes. Letting the mints drop to the floor, you shift until you can reach and cup his face in your hands.

He feels cold yet the apples of his cheeks are so hot, his breath still faster than you liked but there’s coherence in his gaze. The Hoseok you know and love is back, no longer trapped in the memory of an eight-year-old. Guilt overwhelms you as you realise that you’d probably caused this.

“Hobi…” Is all you manage to get out before you’re stopped once more. Only this time, it’s by the way his face crumples and his eyes glisten as tears bank in them. It makes your chest tighten painfully to see him hurting; especially given how he so clearly tries not to let himself fall over the edge.

It’s only when your thumbs gently stroke at the skin of his cheeks, soft yet ever so slightly prickly from his evening shadow that was beginning to make itself known, that he cracks. The tears slowly slide down his face, each one shining in the evening light while his lips wobble as he tries to keep them pressed together.

“Baby, it’s okay. You’re okay, we’re okay.” You’re pretty positive that you’ve never seen anything more heartbreaking than watching Hoseok slowly break down. The rock in your turbulent emotions and mind, eroding as the dark currents of his mind hit at his weak points.

He just stares at you for a moment before he’s grasping at the door handle, breathing heavily before almost throwing himself out of the car. For a moment, you just stared out of the open door, watching as Hoseok practically scrambles for the porch of your house. It takes a few seconds for your brain to finally catch up, propelling you out of the car to follow him.

Crouching down, you reach out slowly to see if he’d be okay with you touching him. He’s sat down, the faded white paint on the old porch looking chipped and dirty as he rests a hand on it. When he doesn’t push you away, you carefully sit down next to him and rub his back in slow, soothing movements.

You can feel the muscles there shaking, his limbs still trembling slightly from the traumatic memory he’d probably had. Not a word has passed from his lips, only heavy breathing that he’s slowly managing to regulate once more and worry fills you.

“Hoseok...it’s okay. You’re okay,” Shuffling a little closer, you move your hand up to stroke the short hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m okay, you’re okay. We’re home. Nothing bad happened. I’m sorry for triggering bad memories.”

Hoseok shakes his head suddenly, the movement fierce and firm. Eyes widening, you let out a small ‘eep’ as he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly. This gesture is much different from his earlier embrace in your parent’s shed. There’s a little more urgency to this, the way his hands run along you isn’t sensual but more like he’s reassuring himself that you’re real.

That you are okay.

“You’re not hurt, you’re okay. Right? No pain, n-no injuries? You’re okay?” His voice quivers, breaking halfway through his words and your heart contracts at the sight of the fear in his eyes. The tears are still falling down his face, almost like he doesn’t realise and you gently cup his cheeks once more, wiping away at them.

This time, he seems to recognise your touch fully and leans into it, pressing his forehead against yours as a choked sob sounds from his throat. Cooing to him, you rearrange him until his head is buried in the space between your neck and shoulder, his larger frame seeming so small as you wrap your arms around him protectively.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I swear. Nothing happened. That asshole ran the red light but I braked quick enough. I was just angry at him, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...to do this. I’m so sorry.” Now it’s your turn for your voice to crack, emotions tumbling together at seeing him so afraid and upset.

“S’not you. It wasn’t you,” He mumbles against your hoodie, squeezing you a little tighter. “It was...it was just the sound and the feeling. The brakes screeching, the cursing, being thrown forward. It was...I was back there. Then, back then. It was just so similar. The intersection and it all just...I guess my mind just got lost in it. It was like I was reliving that moment in my head; both here and back then. I could hear you but I could hear my parents, my sister. I couldn’t figure out what was real.”

You didn’t have any experience with this, with any of it and you didn’t know what to do. From your limited experience of watching shows and movies, you guessed he’d had some kind of flashback to his childhood accident. The sounds and movements of the incident throwing him back decades into that traumatic moment. You felt stupid that you’d never even considered he could still have some form of PTSD it.

At least, you assumed that’s what it was. 

“You’re here. Here with me and we’re okay. I don’t...I gotta be honest baby, I don’t want to say. Or do. What do you need from me?” You hated having to ask that, putting the onus on him to figure out what you should be doing to help him. But you had no idea, you’d never dealt with this. You couldn’t even manage your panic attacks, nevermind one caused by a flashback.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t stress about it. You got me out of my head, that was good. Quick thinking,” Pulling away from you, he laces his fingers together before lowering his head till it’s between his knees and just breathes slowly. “Fuck, I’ve not had one of those in a long time.”

“You’ve had them before?”

There’s silence for a few minutes as he just breathes slowly, his eyes closed as he forces himself to relax. Twisting his lips, he rolls his head and the crack of his neck is loud in the quietness of the street. You don’t push him, letting him take his time to get to terms with what had just happened.

It was a good thing because you weren’t entirely sure what you were meant to do.

“Yeah. I used to get them when I was a kid. It took months for my parents to convince me to get in a car after it happened. Certain things would just...trigger a panic attack or a flashback like then. I can’t listen to the song that was on the radio at the time and...well as you’ve just seen, a sequence of events like that sets me off. A lot of my behaviour when I was younger, was a result of the PTSD from the accident. I thought I’d pretty much got past having these incidents as it’s been forever since I’ve had one.” Wiping at his face, he looks away from you and down towards the end of the road.

Wiggling over to him, you lean against him supportively before carefully taking his hand and linking your fingers. He lets you, his hand mostly limp except the slightest tremble of his fingers. Running the fingers of your free hand along the back of his, you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Don’t be angry or upset or anything, you can’t help it. I know very well that we can’t control what our brains do. It probably thinks it’s trying to protect you somehow but...you got through it pretty quickly. You’re okay and you’re here, talking to me rationally pretty quickly. Maybe you had this because you weren’t driving, right? So you weren’t able to do anything about it. When you’re driving, your mind is usually focused on something else.” Part of you recognises that you’re just rambling crap to him but you want to keep him listening. Make sure that he doesn’t fall back into his mind.

Turning to look at you, Hoseok gives you a weak smile and you feel pain in your chest at how tired and sad he looks suddenly. All signs of your happy and boisterous boyfriend have vanished for the moment. You’ve never felt more useless.

“Yeah, probably. You’re probably right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin-” Cutting him off with a sharp gesture, you gently poke at his arm before smiling.

“Don’t apologise. Please don’t apologise for something you can’t control. You tell me this all the time, so now I get to tell you. It’s okay to not be okay, remember? All I care about is that you’re okay, that you’re not hurting or scared. That’s it. I don’t care that it happened, I only care about you.” His eyes look a little watery again at that, his smile weak yet a little happier than before.

“I know it’s early but...can we just go to bed? Just nap or something? I’m so tired. From working on the porch earlier and from this, I just want to cuddle you and sleep.” Tilting your head, you scan over him slowly and sigh softly.

Hoseok looks tired, his shoulders slumping and back slouching from the weight of everything. It’s the least you can do for him, especially if that’s all he wants. So you nod, smiling at him before squeezing his hand.

“Sure. You go head in, I’ll grab the stuff and put it away then come up.” Standing, you head over to the car to grab everything your parents had given you to bring home. The sound of Hoseok’s keys jangling together as he opens the door is familiar, as is the door closing to prevent Kasumi from getting out. A glance back tells you that he’s inside and you let your head drop, hands resting on the cushion of the backseat as you take a deep breath.

Taking the time to just inhale and exhale slowly, you tell yourself to relax as well. Just as you’d told him that he was okay and safe, you had to acknowledge the same for you now as well. Seeing Hoseok like that was scary and you would be happy if you never saw anything like that again. It hurt to see him afraid, to see him cry and struggle with himself. Was this what it was like for him when you were experiencing a bad mental health day?

Shaking your head, you blow the air out of your cheeks before looking up at the sky. The colours are starting to become more extravagant and vibrant, the blue deepening into purples, pinks and oranges as the sun sets. It’s still warm out but there’s a pleasant breeze that cools you, blowing gently through the grass and the branches of the trees that line the road.

It all looks so peaceful and calm, so unlike what you’d been experiencing not even ten minutes ago. Swallowing, you grabbed the bags and pulled them out, closing the door and locking the car before heading inside.

His shoes are alongside the others but there’s no sign of him downstairs. No noise coming from the bedroom either and you look up the stairs with a concerned expression. You didn’t know what to do, what was right to do. So all you could do was what he asked.

Quickly putting away the leftover food and baked goods your mom had given you, you head upstairs to the bedroom. The curtains are already closed, leaving the room darker than in the hallway and a glance at the clothes hamper lets you guess he’s probably gotten into some comfy pyjamas.

The shape underneath the covers doesn’t move, but you smile at seeing Kasumi laid alongside him with wide and unblinking eyes. Quickly pulling your clothes off, you get into a fresh pair of pyjamas as well before heading over to the bed, placing your phone on the bedside table.

“Hey, pretty girl. Are you looking after daddy?” Whispering, you slide into bed and stroke at her soft fur. Hoseok’s eyes shine slightly in the dim light, the covers pulled up to his chin in an almost protective way as he watches you shower love onto Kasumi.

Turning your attention to him, you take him in for a moment with a soft smile. Gravity makes his cheeks softer and rounder while lying down, his lips pouting a little more than normal while his hair half flops onto the pillow. He looks adorable, yet there’s still that vulnerability in his eyes.

“Do you want to be the little spoon?” You ask, grinning when he nods quietly. It takes no time for you to shuffle forward, meeting him in the middle of the bed and wrapping your arms around him. He nuzzles his head into the space below your chin, his arms trapped between both your bodies while you throw your leg over him as well.

Grinning to yourself despite the serious situation earlier, you can’t help but find some peace and happiness at this moment. To know that he loved you enough to feel safe in your embrace like this, to feel protected and not silly. You were smaller than him, yet you knew that you would keep him as safe as you possibly could.

Reaching up, you alternate between running the strands of his hair through your fingers and massaging his scalp in the way he likes. A quiet rumble of appreciation leaves him at the feeling, his body relaxing in your arms. It would never fail to amuse you how easily you could get him to sleep just by playing with his hair. And you wanted him to sleep right now, to have good and pleasant dreams to rid himself of the anxiety and panic from earlier.

Pressing your lips to his head, you sigh quietly and tell him something that you rarely vocalise. Normally it’s hard to get the words out, but today they flow easily and you can practically feel the way he relaxes even further. 

“I love you.”

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.18|Brittana

A/N - Just a little something that yall might find some comfort in today so I’ve written a short epilogue. I’m not usually one for fluff, but I figured we might need it. I’ve always considered writing as something I can do to uphold Naya’s legacy because Santana is apart of that legacy and here, she’s always living her best life.

Thinking of you all today 💙

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

Once again, Brittany finds herself standing alone in her bedroom surrounded by boxes. It’s a little weird seeing her room looking so bare, but this move doesn’t drudge up the same kind of mournful feelings the last one did. This time there’s excitement, there’s anticipation, there’s –

“Hey B,” Santana gives a little tap at Brittany’s bedroom door. “Need a hand?”

Brittany turns to find Santana giving her that same soft grin she has come to adore. She’s leaned against the door frame, clad in her jean cut-offs and a plain t-shirt, and Brittany’s never been so enamored.

“What?” Santana’s grin widens.

Brittany smirks, “Can’t I check out my hot girlfriend?”

Santana rolls her eyes although her cheeks flush, “Smooth as ever.”

“You know it,” Brittany winks before she goes to zip her suitcase. “You’ll be happy to know that I’ve finally finished packing my room. It’s been a super productive afternoon.”

Santana sputters out a laugh as she glances around Brittany’s bedroom. The walls are bare aside from a couple framed pictures Brittany couldn’t find it in herself to take down. The desk by the window is neat and tidy for once too, but what makes Santana stop are the two gold crowns hanging off of one of Brittany’s football trophies.

“Not taking these?”

Brittany turns to find Santana pulling one off and putting it on. She looks just as regal as she did on Prom night and it makes Brittany’s heart feel so full. She can’t help but reminisce at how beautiful Santana looked all done up – she really took her breath away that night.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Brittany teases, “Too bad Quinn will be at Yale. I’m sure she’s going to miss the constant reminder that we won instead of her and Mike.”

“I can still text her,” Santana quips as she takes off the crown and sets it down where she found it. She goes back to looking around the room again, “It doesn’t look like you in here anymore.”

“Yeah,” Brittany sighs as she looks around too. Her eyes settle on Santana and she begins to grin, “But it’ll be so much fun decorating our own place together. It’ll look like the both of us.”

“True,” Santana grins, “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither!”

“I can’t believe how fast the year went by,” Santana mentions, “It feels like just yesterday that I was jumping off swings with you.”

“You mean head-butting me?” Brittany jokes.

“That too,” Santana laughs, “And now we’re off to college…together.”

“Not just yet,” Brittany reminds her with a pat to her suitcase.

“That’s right,” Santana nods to it, “That everything?

Brittany looks down and smiles, “Yup!”

Santana eyes the lone bag warily, “You’re only bringing one?”

“We’re only going for two weeks,” Brittany replies with a giggle, “You’d be surprised how much I fit in here. Bikinis don’t take up that much space which is a plus.”

She looks to Santana again hoping to see a smile but instead she finds her worrying her bottom lip. It makes Brittany chuckle as she closes the distance between them. Once she’s close enough, her hands land on Santana’s hips.

“Don’t stress,” She tells her sweetly, “That defeats the purpose of a vacation.”

“I’m not stressed,” Santana shrugs, “I’m just wondering…if I packed a little too much now?”

Brittany only giggles before pressing a kiss to Santana’s lips.

“You’re cute,” She says.

Santana only sighs through her smile, “Can you tell I’m a little nervous?”

“A little?”

Santana pouts, “This is my first big road trip. I didn’t want to forget anything.”

Brittany wraps her arms around Santana, holding her close, “I’m sure you’ve got everything and if not we can always buy stuff. You know Florida does have a mall, right?”

Santana was a little hesitant about joining the Pierce Family on their vacation back down to Florida for Summer break because she didn’t want to intrude on their family time, she’s so considerate like that. Brittany couldn’t imagine spending two whole weeks without her though, even Pete and Whitney begged for Santana to go.

Plus, it was the perfect opportunity to show her around Brittany’s old stomping grounds and most importantly, take her to one of her favorite places. With all of that taken into consideration, Santana couldn’t find it in her to deny Brittany this. She also didn’t mind getting out of Lima for the Summer, beats tanning by the pool alone.  

“Babe, this is going to be great,” Brittany says earnestly, “It’s going to be relaxing and we’ll get to spend so much time together doing all kinds of fun things. It’ll be exactly what we need before we have to leave for Columbus, because you know once we get there it’ll be all work. I’ll have to start football training again and you’ll have cheer conditioning.”

“You’re right. Ohio State doesn’t mess around,” Santana nods as she begins smiling again, “This’ll be great. I’ve never been on vacation like this before.”

“Neither,” Brittany grins before grabbing her suitcase again. “Let’s go. We’ve got a lot of road to cover.”

\\

Brittany and Santana decide to drive Santana’s car down to Florida ahead of Whitney and Pete who are catching a flight a couple days later. They take several pit stops along the way, making sure to snap silly photos by all of the state line signs so Santana can text them to Maribel and Hector to keep them updated on their adventure so far.

It probably takes them twice as long to make the trip, but it’s well worth it when Brittany gets to watch Santana’s eyes brighten as they finally cross the Florida state line.

“It’s so much different than Lima,” Santana says as she stares out the window at all the passing palm trees, their fronds waving hello in the warm breeze as they drive by.

Brittany only glances over with this cheek-bunching grin before she’s back to concentrating on the road ahead.

\\

A while later, they pull up to the rental Whitney organized and this time Brittany’s the one who’s in awe.

“No way!” She exclaims as she triple checks the address her mom gave.

“What is it?” Santana questions.

“I used to point this house out all the time when we lived here,” Brittany tells her, “Pete and I called it the Unicorn House because of the pink shutters and the baby blue door. We always thought it was so cool, the most colorful house on the beach. I had no idea it was a rental!”

Santana smiles, “Well let’s go check it out.”

Relieved to stretch their legs and really start their vacation in the sun, Santana and Brittany make quick work of unloading the car and moving everything inside. Just like Brittany figured, the inside of the house was just as cool as the outside. All modern fixtures, colorful artwork decorating the walls, but the real attention-grabber was the view.

“Wow,” They said in unison as they approached the back sliding doors that led out onto the terrace. It was nothing but white sand and clear blue water.

“Let’s open it,” Brittany says and goes to pull open the glass door. There’s a light breeze and the scent of saltwater. Brittany smiles into it; she can’t believe how much she’s missed this.

Lima’s been great to her, it’s the place she met the most perfect girl ever, but this place will always hold a special spot in her heart too. As she glances to her side at her girlfriend, her smile grows because now she gets to share it with her too.

“What do you say we make a quick run to the shops so we can have breakfast out there?” Brittany suggest with a grin, “We can unpack and stuff later.”

“Sounds awesome,” Santana replies, “When’s your mom and Pete flying in again?”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” Brittany says as she gives a little tug at Santana’s shirt, “We’ve got the whole place to ourselves until then.”

Santana’s grin widens, “Even better.”

\\

They decide to load up on fresh fruit, because after so many hours of fast food and gas station snacks they are dying for something healthy. Together they walk the aisles hand in hand, stopping every so often to add something to the basket Brittany carries.

It’s not their first trip to the store together, but it feels different this time knowing that it’s just them. Everyone they know is back in Lima, so doing something like grocery shopping together in Florida makes them feel so grown up and independent.

For a second, Brittany wonders if this is what it’ll feel like once they move away together for college. She’s sure the novelty of it all is bound to wear off the more they do it, but for now she leans into the excitement of it. The thought makes her feel giddy inside because she can’t picture herself doing such a routine thing with anyone other than Santana.

“Should we get anything else?” Santana wonders after adding a punnet of blueberries to the basket.

Brittany looks at their haul so far and shakes her head, “Nah. We can just order take out later if we want?”

Santana nods and they make their way to the check out lane.

\\

Back at the rental, Santana’s in the kitchen getting all of their fruits washed and cut up when Brittany reappears clad in her bright pink bikini.

“Okay! Your turn,” She calls out as she makes her way into the kitchen.

Santana does a quick glance up to reply then does a double take when she sees what Brittany has on. Her jaw drops at the sight and she nearly cuts off a finger!

“Woah,” Santana says in time as her eyes rake up Brittany’s tone figure, “I was not prepared.”

“Should I put on a shirt?” Brittany jokes.

“No, no,” Santana’s quick to respond, “No shirts. You can stay just like that.”

Brittany blushes as Santana continues checking her out. It makes her feel warm all over and a little confident too because usually Santana’s the one getting her worked up. It’s a nice change when the tables are turned.

“So, you want to go change and I’ll finish here?” Brittany asks.

Santana’s still staring as Brittany comes closer. She doesn’t even blink until Brittany’s tapping at the bottom of her chin with this smug grin on her face.

“Hmm?” She hums, “What?”

“Do you want to go change now?”

Santana smirks as she pulls Brittany in and pins her against the counter, “It’s not really the first thing on my mind right now.”

“Oh?” Brittany’s grin turns devilish.

Santana bites her bottom lip as she plays with the knot at Brittany’s hip. “The extra football training you’ve been doing is really paying off. Like I’ve always thought you were the hottest girl to ever walk the surface of the Earth, but damn.”

“Go change,” Brittany tells her with a giggle. “We’ll never get to the beach at this rate.”

“Fine by me,” Santana teases as she wraps her arms around Brittany’s waist and starts littering her neck with soft kisses. “Like so fine by me.”

Brittany struggles because having Santana’s lips on her is always kind of like kryptonite, but her desire to experience Santana’s first trip to the beach outweighs spending the rest of the morning wrapped up in bedsheets. Call her crazy, but they’ve got all day to mess around meanwhile the sun’s only out for so long.  

“Baby, as good as this feels,” Brittany sighs as she pulls away. She stares down at Santana lovingly, “I really want to take you to the beach first. Just you and me.”

Santana cutely pouts and it has Brittany giggling.

“Come on,” She says with a little pinch at Santana’s side, “I think it’ll be worth it.”

“I think it opens up lots of opportunities to be a tease,” Santana complains jokingly.

“Good thing we won’t be far from here then,” Brittany winks in return.

\\

Once Santana finally got changed, she met Brittany back in the kitchen where the blonde had packed a bag with their breakfast and a couple bottles of water along with their beach towels. Brittany had her sunglasses sitting atop her head, her long blonde hair free from its messy bun from earlier.

“Ready?” She asked excitedly.

Santana only grinned as she reached for Brittany’s hand to hold and together they made their way down the wooden terrace steps until their bare feet met warm sand. Brittany was already headed for the coastline, but Santana stopping held her back. She turned, wondering if Santana forgot something, when she realized it wasn’t that at all.

Santana never felt the feeling of sand between her toes before.

A smile formed on Brittany’s face as she watched Santana wiggle her toes. It was only for a moment, a little excited squeak of a giggle escaping the brunette before she looked up again – ready to go. Brittany only wrapped her arm around Santana’s shoulders, kissing the top of her head as they started to walk again.

Picking the perfect spot was always something Brittany took pretty seriously, but on this section of the beach – any spot was perfect. They were just far enough away from the popular areas so it wasn’t too crowded where they were.

“I’ve never seen water so blue,” Santana admires as she stares at the crashing waves. “Beats the lake in Lima.”

“Definitely,” Brittany chuckles.

They end up laying out their blanket a few yards away from the water so they don’t have to walk very far to get in. While Santana smooths out the blanket, Brittany sets down their bag and starts to pull out their towels and breakfast.

Together, they sit side by side and share from one bowl Santana found in the kitchen. It’s a mix of all the fruit they picked up earlier and with their feet in the sand and the sound of the waves and seagulls in the distance they’ve never felt so at peace.

“Is it true that you have to wait thirty minutes after eating before you can swim?” Brittany wonders aloud. She’s resting back on her elbows, her legs outstretched but she’s still too far away to touch the water.

Santana shrugs, “I have no idea. Probably should though just to be safe.”

“True,” Brittany grins as Santana lies back too.

She’s already starting to tan and Brittany can’t take her eyes off of her. It’s almost like this is too good to be true and she finds herself reaching out to touch just to make sure.

\\

Once their thirty minutes are up, Brittany’s on her feet trying to coax Santana into the water but who knew she’d put up such a fight?

“We didn’t come all this way to just sit in the sand,” Brittany teases as she tugs on Santana’s hand, “Come on.”

“That water is about to be cold as hell. No thank you!”

“Hell isn’t cold, Santana.”

“You know what I mean,” Santana then gets up when she finally breaks out of Brittany’s hold, “Now way I’m getting in.”

“But it’s not even cold,” Brittany replies although she’s not really sure since she hasn’t tested it for herself. “Why are you picking right now to play hard to get?”

“You haven’t seen nothing yet!” Santana jokes before taking off.  

Brittany laughs the whole time as Santana ducks and dodges her advances until Brittany’s speed finally does her in. Soon she’s got Santana cradled in her arms bridal-style, carrying her towards the water like she weighs nothing.

“Britt! Brittany! Don’t you dare!” Santana chastises between laughs, “I don’t want to get my hair wet!”

Brittany only stomps her way through the water, “Who goes to the beach and doesn’t want to get their hair wet? That’s silly, San!”

“Me, that’s who!” Santana giggles but she stops putting up a fight and just wraps her arms around Brittany’s shoulders.

Their faces are so close with the way Brittany holds her that their noses brush when the blonde suddenly looks to her. Really, she’s checking if Santana’s actually being serious because if so then she’ll happily take her back to shore but if not it’s fair game. Instead though, she gets sidetracked by the brilliant smile she wears and how beautiful she looks with her hair down.

“I won’t get you wet if that’s really what you want,” Brittany says innocently but there’s a mischievous glint in her eye too.

She’s standing still waist-deep in the water and Santana’s butt is barely touching the surface. Brittany does her best to hop so that the incoming waves don’t splash her which is pretty nice of her with all things considered. She could totally be that person and drop her without a second thought.

“Well, when you say it like that…” Santana starts to smirk.

Brittany lets out a laugh before she leans in for a kiss.

It was meant to be a distraction, but it ended up way steamier than she intended as she slowly  sank to her knee so that they both dipped below the surface. She could feel Santana’s teeth sink into her bottom lip from the initial shock of the water temperature but then it was soothed by her tongue gliding over the nip.

“See?” Brittany teases, “Not that cold.”

Santana only rolls her eyes as Brittany adjusts her hold. She goes from cradling Santana to having her straddle her lap instead. It’s a much riskier position than before, but neither of them complain.  

As they get acclimated to the water, they slowly move from kissing to playfully splashing at each other as they wade around. They go back and forth like that for awhile until they move back to the shore to get their tan on.

“I’m having slight regrets that we’ll be going to school in Ohio,” Santana mentions awhile later as they lie on their stomachs, “Must be nice living close to a beach.”

Brittany grins, “So you’re liking your first trip then?”

“Baby, I love it,” Santana replies happily and leans over to kiss her cheek, “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Brittany coos before she gets to thinking, “If you love it that much we can always transfer down here? I’m pretty sure there’s a few schools here that would love to poach me. You too.”

“So tempting,” Santana chuckles.

\\

They lie like that for awhile longer before the sun gets to be a little much and they head back to the rental.

It’s one of Brittany’s favorite feelings, that tiredness after spending the day at the beach, and she coaxes Santana into the shower with her to get rid of all the sand and saltwater. Despite finally getting each other this close without any barriers between them, they’re both too tired to actually make any moves.

Instead, they take turns standing underneath the cool water and washing off any residual sand.

Afterwards, they slip into something loose and tumble into bed with a yawn. They don’t even bother getting under the sheets first, their sun-kissed skin still warm from the shower. The just cuddle up to one another and doze off within minutes.  

\\

Hours later, Brittany awakes to Santana tracing her finger along the bridge of her nose. She blinks away the last bit of sleepiness and looks around the room, surprised to see it drenched in hues of orange and gold from the setting sun.

“I think you might’ve gotten sunburnt,” Santana mentions softly, “Your cheeks are a little pink.”

Brittany touches them bashfully, “Yeah. They do that after I’m out too long. Doesn’t hurt though, I put on sunscreen before.”

“Okay,” Santana smiles as her hand moves to rest on Brittany’s hip.

The blonde looks to the window, “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

“Shit,” Brittany curses, “I didn’t meant to sleep for that long.”

“It’s okay. You were tired,” Santana replies as she starts circling Brittany’s hipbone, “Hungry?”

There’s a familiar rasp in Santana’s voice and it has Brittany leaning in ever so slightly. She knows that tone, she’s been quite familiar with it since the night she won a championship title with the Titans. It’s come to be a favorite of hers.

“Starving,” Brittany smirks.

Santana bites her lip, “Good.”

“We can order a pizza,” Brittany husks as she slips her thigh between Santana’s, “I know just the place. They’re notorious for taking way too long but the pizza manages to always be hot still.”

“Perfect,” Santana smirks before she’s closing the distance.

\\

The next day, they have a bit of a sleep in due to their…activities carrying on pretty late into the night. Free house to themselves? Of course they couldn’t pass up the opportunity, but they’re well-rested and get up to do a tidy of the house before going to pick up Pete and Whitney from the airport.

Again, Brittany feels that same feeling from the day before when she and Santana were out shopping for breakfast. She can’t help but notice how easy it is for them to fall into such a domestic routine. It makes her feel so grown up, like it was just a couple weeks ago that she was graduating and sure she’s always been pretty independent but it’s different with Santana by her side.

When they get to the airport, they’re only waiting for a little while before Pete’s excitedly waving at them with Whitney trailing behind him. There’s hugs all around when they finally meet before they make their way to baggage claim.

“Did you have fun on the plane ride over?” Santana asks Pete.

“It was okay,” Pete shrugs, “Kind of bumpy but mom let me play games on her phone.”

“Nice,” Santana grins.

“Yup! Did you have fun driving here? Wait, did you guys go to the beach already?” Pete asks as he looks to his sister, “Britt’s cheeks are pink.”

Brittany’s eyes widen, “Uh…”

“We might’ve gone for a little bit,” Santana admits and watches Pete start to frown. He was pretty adamant about them waiting for him but Santana’s quick to recover, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t go again today! You’ll have to check with your mom first.”

Pete’s face fills with a mega-watt smile, so similar to Brittany’s it’s crazy.

“She’ll totally say yes,” He tells Santana, “Mom loves the beach too!”

“Sweet,” Santana grins.

“Alright, we just need to pick up the rental car and we’re out of here,” Whitney says as Brittany follows behind with Pete’s little suitcase.

“You didn’t have to rent a car,” Santana tells her, “I told you I was okay with sharing mine.”

“You’re too kind, honey,” Whitney smiles, “But I’m sure you girls will want to explore the area too.”

Santana just nods as Brittany comes up beside her, their fingers twining so casually.

“Speaking of rentals,” Brittany mentions, “I can’t believe you got the Unicorn House! It’s so cool.”

“We’re staying at the Unicorn House?” Pete asks eagerly. Brittany nods to him and he just about combusts, “No way! That’s the coolest house on the beach!”

“Totally,” Brittany winks, “It’s even cooler inside. Just you wait and see.”

\\

They all head to the rental house and it takes everyone no time at all before they’re making their way out to the beach. Everyone except Whitney who runs to the store for snacks and something to eat for dinner because apparently they can’t have pizza two nights in a row despite Brittany and Pete’s protesting.

Again, it’s nice to just lounge in the sun and cool off in the water whenever they want. Pete’s here too while Whitney’s at the store and Santana watches adoringly as he and Brittany toss their favorite football back and forth.

“Babe! Come play with us,” Brittany calls out to her as she tosses the football to Pete in a perfect spiral.

“Yeah! Come play, Santana!” Pete chimes in.

“I’m fine getting my tan on from here,” Santana answers then starts to smirk at Brittany. The way her muscles tense whenever she throws the ball or how her arms flex, it leaves Santana’s mouth dry, “The view’s not so bad either.”

Brittany lets out a laugh as she readies for Pete to throw the ball back. She’d have to agree about the view though, hers isn’t so bad too with Santana laid out in her maroon bikini on their beach blanket, skin glistening with sweat. She swallows dryly as her thoughts start to wander to the night before.

“Britt!” Pete shouts, “Look out!”

Brittany looks up and catches the football just in time before she’s thumped in the head with it. Good thing her reflexes are as sharp as ever!

“Careful baby,” Santana smirks before she’s rolling onto her stomach to even out her tan.

Brittany only narrows her eyes playfully before she’s throwing another perfect spiral in Pete’s direction.

\\

Once Whitney joins them, Pete goes from playing with Brittany to splashing in the shallow water with their mom. Brittany sits alongside Santana where they both share a bag of chips and watch Pete’s splashes get bigger and bigger.

“You’re so cute with him,” Santana mentions.

Brittany raises her brow, “Speak for yourself.”

Santana lets out a disbelieving laugh, “Right.”

“You are,” Brittany urges with a bump to Santana’s shoulder, “He loves spending time with you. Not as much as I do, of course.”

“Of course.”

“You ever wish you had a younger sibling?” Brittany wonders.

“God, no. Never,” Santana jokes before softening, “But seeing you two kind of makes me second guess it. Then again, Pete’s cool so you’re lucky.”

“True,” Brittany giggles. There’s another pause before Brittany speaks up again in a softer tone, “Thanks for coming out on this trip with us. I know you were a little iffy at first, but it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Santana replies with this smitten little grin on her face. “We should totally make this an annual thing.”

“Coming back here?”

“Yeah,” Santana nods, “It’s like our reset button. No matter how busy or crazy it gets wherever we are, we can always come back here and just – reset. It would be nice.”

Brittany starts to smile. Santana mentioning doing something every year means she anticipates them being together for a really long time which duh but making plans like that in advance makes it all feel a little more real. She always thought her strong feelings might’ve been a little exaggerated since they’re young and love always feels so all-encompassing, but then Santana goes and says something like that.

This love, it’s bigger than she thought. Maybe it’s even one of those forever kinds of love and that kind of thinking makes Brittany happier than ever.

“We can totally do that,” Brittany agrees before she leans in for a chaste kiss. She can feel Santana smiling too against her lips and she’s never felt more complete.

Whatever this upcoming year plans to throw their way, whether it be on the field or in the classroom or even at home, Brittany’s totally ready for it.

Because together, well…anything is still possible.

[princesspiratecat]

The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 22: Spring, 1083

(This is a long one, but hopefully worth the read!)

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16

Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19

Part 20 & Part 21

Never before had Gwendolyn felt so happy as she did when her sister had arrived to visit her at her little hovel. She hadn’t been able to stop the tears from flowing, and soon both of them were wiping them away. 

After the servant had left, Gwyn had demanded to know everything, but Gwendolyn didn’t know where to begin. There was so much to tell, and all of it pained her to speak of. 

“Is this really where you are now residing? This little hovel?” Gwyn turned a discerning eye towards the house as they walked nearer to it, and Gwendolyn felt herself blush with shame. She had tried to keep it neat and tidy, but there wasn’t much she could do without a proper set of tools. The hovel was just too poorly constructed for even the most basic of shelters. It felt like a blessing when the weather had finally turned and she no longer had to worry about rain falling on her bed. She could only hope it would not snow or rain again.

“I’m afraid so. The day of my birthday Marcelle hastily had my bags packed and drove me here in a covered wagon. He told me this would be my new home after we arrived. I should have suspected something that morning based on his behavior.....but I fear, I blindly trusted him.”

“Do not blame yourself. How could you have known what he was going to do? This has taken us all by surprise. When I found out you had been sent away, I could hardly believe it. It is Marcelle that must take the blame, not you.” As they reached the front room, Gwendolyn stoked the fire and began to prepare a meal, as the sun would be setting soon and she imagined her sister must be hungry. She immediately noticed how much food there was in the basket, and it was of better quality than what she normally was given.

 “What do you mean, us? How did you come to find out that I was here in the first place?” They sat down to a nice hot bowl of soup Gwendolyn had made from a fat hare she had caught yesterday. 

“I didn’t. Francine wrote about a month ago, and the letter had been given to me by Oswin.”

“Oswin? You mean, Oswald’s younger brother?”

“The very same, yes. I had thought it strange that she hadn’t invited me to visit her for such a long time, but in the letter she explained that she had suddenly been forbidden to see me by Marcelle, yet didn’t say why. In her next letter, she told me that the engagement had been broken off, and you had been sent away, but that she didn’t know where you had gone. When I confronted Aélfgiva about seeing you, she said she would talk to Marcelle. Not long afterwards, he wrote to say that a servant would fetch me in the morning to take me to you, and here I am.”

The humiliation that Gwendolyn had endured upon being sent off was awful in and of itself, but the idea that her entire family was now somehow tainted, and not good enough to associate with any of the Allards, hurt her even more. “ I had not thought that my exile had been extended to my entire family. This is worse than I had imagined.” 

“What exactly did he say to you? How did he justify his actions!? How could he bring you to this shithole, in the middle of a forest?!”

Slowly, Gwendolyn revealed all that her sister did not yet know. She tried not to dwell on the parts of the story that were especially painful, and rushed through his unkind words when he had dragged their family down to the mud, implying that they were nothing. She found it was nearly impossible for her to say the exact words he had said about their father, because the loss of him was still fresh pain for both of them. But somehow she got through it all, and then shared how she now viewed everything. 

“This hovel....this dung heap of a house, is his feeling about me, about us- made manifest and clear. But it’s worse than our house was. It’s worse than anything I’ve ever had to endure. And I was left alone to fend for myself when the snow storm came. I had to find food for myself, otherwise I would have starved.”

There was such anger on her sister’s face at hearing those words. “What about your dowry?! We had so many excellent animals. Surely it was worth more than this!”

“Oh Gwyn.....don’t you see? This is my dowry. This hovel is now all that I have....” Putting her troubles into words made them all the more real and soon Gwendolyn could not stop the sobs from violently shaking her body again. She got up and leaned her head against the counter, as the tears just kept on coming. 

Gwyn said nothing, but silently cried as well. 

“I’ve been clinging to the idea of Frances for months now. And I cannot understand why he hasn’t come to see me, even if it’s just to say goodbye. Am I really so terrible that I do not deserve such simple consideration? How can I be his future bride one day, and the next not even fit to say a single word to him? I cannot make sense of it......” she was sobbing so hard now that she could not continue. 

“Oh, please don’t upset yourself further. I do not believe Frances has any idea where you are”, said Gwyn. That got her attention and her head snapped up.

“What!?”

“I do not believe any of them know. Marcelle must have kept it a secret from all of them, because if one of them knew, they would all find out. Frédérique would never keep a secret like that from her brother, nor would Francine. The letter that she sent made it clear. He could not write to you, so she wrote to me. And that is why Marcelle forbade any of them from speaking to any of us.”

“I had not considered that. But....you must be right.”

“Perhaps that is also why Marcelle sent me a map and allowed me to see you. He still thinks that his children will blindly obey him. Indeed, he must feel very comfortable with that idea, which is why he didn’t think it necessary to keep you and I apart any longer. If his children don’t speak to us, he has no reason to continue punishing you.”

“Yes. He may also not want to be seen as the type of man who punishes two young girls who have done nothing wrong. I noticed how he sent a lot more food, of higher quality this time around. He even sent linens. He has never done that before. He wants to appear the good benefactor still- at least to you and Aélfgiva.”

After a long silence Gwendolyn gained some composure of herself and sat down by the fire again, staring into the orange flickering flames. It gave her some relief to know that Frances didn’t know where she was, and perhaps hadn’t given into his father so easily. Everything her sister had said made perfect sense. 

“I like to think that Marcelle has some heart left. I like to think that he still cares about us. Only his pride got in the way", said Gywn. Her sentiments may have been true, but Gwendolyn no longer wished to think about him. It was now time to turn their minds to the task of getting her out, and how they would accomplish that.  

“I must speak with Frances. I must. I have had so long to ponder the situation, if I don’t get any answers, I fear I will lose my mind and go mad.”

"Of course you shall. And I will assist you in any way that I can.”

The next morning they poured over the map and calculated that Gwendolyn had been taken over twenty miles from the Allard estate to the hovel, which was in the middle of two very small villages that neither had heard of. Having no money and few resources, the main obstacle in her leaving would be where she would go. She could not stay at the orphanage, and of course going back to the estate was impossible. 

“If only you had parted on better terms with Oswald, then perhaps we could ask his family”, Gwyn said. 

“What better way could there have been? Oswald did not want to break off the engagement for any reason. I tried to spare his feelings as best as I could, but given that I hadn’t seen him for so long....it was difficult. I realized that day that he had changed beyond recognition to me, and I no longer knew him.”

“You have been engaged most of your life to someone, and yet still remain unmarried. Do you not ever wish you had married Oswald instead? At least you would not be alone now.” 

Gwendolyn’s features clouded into sadness, as she had realized the same thing her sister spoke of from the very beginning of her troubles. Her life seemed to consist of always waiting, always hoping, always dreaming of having a family of her own and finding that she belonged somewhere, and she resented it. 

“Maybe, but would I have been happy? What Frances and I had was real, and what Oswald and I had was a youthful fancy. I know that now that I am older. I can never go back.” 

When they tallied up their resources, it was decided that Gwyn would return home when the servant came to fetch her, as was planned. She would then combine the meager allowance she and Edith were given at the orphanage, and income from the pelts of the animals Gwendolyn had caught, and try to procure a horse. Then she would ride back and come and fetch her sister, then they would ride to Grimsby. She would speak with Frances at any cost and Gwyn agreed that it was imperative that she do so- even if it meant further punishment from Marcelle.

The next morning was a cold one, and snow began again to fall upon the ground, but only lightly. Despite the foul weather she knew she would have to shelter herself from, she felt better than she had in months. 

“You have Mama’s strength, and you will get through this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She tenderly embraced her sister goodbye, and watched the wagon grow smaller and smaller as it slowly disappeared down the road, which was beginning to freeze. She sat down upon a log and got lost in her thoughts, contemplating how happy the visit had made her. It had brought her comfort, relief from her loneliness, and hope all at once. She was lucky that she still had some family left, even if they were orphans now. I’m not alone. I have the love of my sisters. 

She turned to head into the house, but then heard a horse in the distance and stopped to listen. It was the sound of a single horse, and she wondered if something had gone wrong with the wagon. Was her sister in trouble? The sound grew closer and closer, and she headed back down the path to the road, shivering slightly in the cold. But it was not the servant or her sister on this horse. It was Frances.

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — Tokyo nights.

Rated: SFW

Author note: Man, this one took me ages to write. And I don't even know how I could write this much for the second chapter, this is about 3,2k words. I'm tired because I decided to change lots of things in this chapter and I hope you all like it. Also, feedbacks are much appreciated!

Warnings: This chapter contains cursing, swearing, graphic descriptions of blood, violence and surgical procedures (Kind of inaccurate but only for writting purposes. Don't do it at home, kids). Also, there are slight mentions of anxiety, OCD and PTSD.

Enjoy the reading!

II — Tokyo nights

Previous || Next

You felt anxious.

Everytime you walked through Itachiyama halls, the hairs in your nape would stand and your skin, prickle in fear; a bitter taste would take over your mouth because everything was too much.

"Look, you don't have to worry. Itachiyama wouldn't dare to lay a hand on you because it would mean war." The memory of Suna's voice did nothing to soothe your nerves.

You knew that Inarizaki did not care. If anything, Itachiyama harming you would be like killing two birds with a stone: the Miya would get rid of your existence and then, have a excuse to go after your husband. "They know the twins' intentions, you know. It's not like Sakusa is dumb. Being honest, the guy is the most cautious man I ever saw" you recalled Suna saying it in your wedding's eve.

But one month after the deal, you still felt suffocated.

You opted to lay low and don't wander around the house; Sakusa's men were still suspicious of you and kept sending nasty glares in your direction whenever they saw you.

Since you weren't allowed to work anymore, boredom was killing you. At least, the maids were nice enough — or just too afraid to go against the lady's will — and let you do as you pleased. You then took over some house chores to busy yourself.

Cleaning, tidying and baking.

Sometimes gardening when you needed some fresh air.

"What a shame for Oyabun-sama, his lady is lowering herself to the peasants' level" you would hear some gossip here and there. Not that you cared, though.

"Sakusa-sama" you heard the housekeeper calling, the new name still foreign to your ears.

"Kaede-san? Do you need something?" The old woman wearing a green hakama stood in front of you, accompanied by a girl with dark blond hair.

"This is Kuribayashi Runa, the new maid working here" she said presenting the young woman by her side. The latter politely bowed at you.

"New maid? Why?"

"I'm afraid it's not appropriated the lady take care of house chores. These are strict orders from Komori-sama" her tone was dry. Kaede was never hostile towards you, but you could tell she wasn't fond of your presence either. "Also, remember you're having lunch with oyabun-sama today"

You released a shaky breath, dismissing their presence.

Why yakuza was taking even the smallest things from you?

Prying to the clock on the nightstand, you realized it was past noon and the lunch hasn't been served yet. Sakusa didn't show up either.

After being destitute of your duties, you went for a shower and killed time by reading in your bedroom.

Did something happen? You wondered.

Punctuality was something very fancied in this household and everything inside the mansion functioned like clockwork.

But how come Sakusa didn't show up yet? Why the food isn't set?

"[Name]" The door to your bedroom was open without ceremony, Komori's voice sounding harsh when he called you. The look on his face wasn't amicable either. "Sakusa wants to see you. Now."

The brown haired male did not spare you another glance, turning his back to you. You followed the tall man in an auto-pilot mode, already dreading whatever was going on.

The Kobun was taking you to Sakusa's office.

The large doors always made you feel unsettled; you never were there before. Being called to this room sent shivers down your spine.

Komori knocked the door only to the faint voice of your husband acknowledge your presence. Getting in, you were stunned. The whole mansion held a modern architecture with a minimalist design, and this room was true to Itachiyama's style.

The walls were pristine white and the floorboards were dark and shiny. The furniture held the impersonal style your husband seemed to appreciate and was clean to the eyes. Everything millimetrically positioned, aesthetically appealing.

By the glass wall, Sakusa stood proud. His back facing you, body clad in a black suit. The way he admired the stunning land through the windows held a power you never saw before.

Right now, he looked like a god rulling his own creation.

"Komori, go" his stone cold voice ordered the other male. The kobun did as he was told, leaving you two in this sinister room.

"I don't know if you are too brave ou just too dumb" he didn't turn to face you. The cold tone boomed loud within your ears and you felt cornered.

Forget the god thing. The man in front of you was the demon himself.

"What do you mean?" You asked, brows furrowing when suddenly, his enraged features loomed over you, even from afar.

"Don't fucking play dumb. I've warned you to stay out of my way" his menacing stare made the breath hitch in your throat "Where is the fucking folder?"

"I don't know what are you talking about!" You meekly replied, seeing his body growing close to yours.

"Thats it. You have a death wish." He merely stated "You're the only enemy inside this fucking house"

Without knowing what was going on, you didn't stand a chance to defend yourself. You tried opening your mouth in protest but your brain didn't come up with anything.

"Listen. I don't have the time to play whatever game you and those brothers of yours are planning." Sakusa scowled "In the first opportunity, you get to screw up. Fascinating."

"I don't even know what you're talking about" the cry left your mouth and your body trembled. The man before you grimaced at your outburst. He let out an exasperated breath, still trying to keep his cool.

"Do you expect me to believe you? Fine, I'll play along, then" He sat at the imposing chair behind his desk "The manila folder that was on this desk was stolen. You're the only one inside this house who has reasons to take it."

"It wasn't me! I never entered this room before!" You retorted, anxiety crawling in your skin. He fished his cellphone from his pockets, reading whatever on his screen

"Can't be proven, though it looks like we didn't find anything in your stuff–"

"Wait! You fucking messed with my things?" You cut him off in rage, observing him reaching over for a flask on the wooden surface.

"Well, you messed with mine first." He said while rubbing some hand sanitizer on his palms.

You rolled your eyes at his antics.

"Whatever" and then turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" The sarcastic voice filled your ears, making your steps to halt "As much as I despise it, you won't be out of my sight anytime soon"

God, You trully hated it here.

It was nighttime and true to his words, neither Sakusa nor Komori left you alone for the whole day.

Their presence was unnerving, to say the least, and everytime they talked to each other, you body went stiff.

Their speech wasn't explicit as you thought it would be. Both of them treated the matter as if they were making normal business instead of some yakuza stuff.

It didn't sound violent.

But you knew better.

"Have Fukuroudani made contact yet?" The Oyabun asked.

"Yes. Konoha told me they will be waiting by eleven" Komori peered at his watch "One hour to go. We should get going, then"

Sakusa turned his attention to you.

"Go get changed. We're leaving in ten minutes."

You did as you were told; black would do, you decided. Grabbing a wool coat and a satin scarf, you were ready to go.

Why the hell Tokyo nights were so cold at this time of year?

In the living room, Sakusa and Komori were waiting for you.

"Man, bringing [Name] along will be a pain" the brown haired male said while stretching.

"The stolen docs were about this meeting. We gotta bring her along if Inarizaki tries to do something" The taller one reasoned.

"Ah shit, this is so fucked up. I dont know how you agreed to it" Komori lamented.

Being honest, neither Sakusa did.

"Why do I have to tag along?" Your voice startled them. Your husband scowled at you while Komori opened the front door, both males ignoring your question.

A sleek black car was waiting for you three. Komori took the driver seat and Sakusa sat on passenger's side. You found comfort in the beige leather of the backseat, appreciating the warmth provided by the air conditioned.

"Shouldn't we bring more men with us?" The Kobun asked.

"There's a back up car in downtown. They can reach us in no time if something comes up" Sakusa said while covering his face with a mask "Also, I doubt someone would dare to mess with both Fukurodani and Itachiyama" He spared a glance at you through the rearview mirror.

You sighed. Anxiety didn't let you be for the whole day and now, fear was taking its toll on you.

With your temple resting on the window, you observed the city lights.

You loved Tokyo and how bright it was, although, you loved the suburbs even more; the industrial aesthetic and the narrow streets brought you the comfort you didn't feel in the last three months.

You lived here for your whole life, after all.

It wasn't a surprise when you spotted the building you used to live in.

A surge of homesickness found its place in your guts and your chest constricted in longing.

The drive lasted five more minutes before Komori parked the car by a hangar. When you lived in this neighbourhood, the place was deem abandoned with its vandalized walls and rusty gates. But inside there, you found our the interior was really neat, proving you wrong.

"Sakusa-san, Komori-san!" A blonde male came into view, eyeing you with wariness. "I see you brought your lady tonight. It's a pleasure having you here, miss" the indifferent tone of his voice said otherwise, tough.

You merely noded at him while the heads of Itachiyama greeted the man.

"Shall we start, then?"The blond asked before opening a door to your right. You felt unsettled knowing they wouldn't want your presence there.

"As you wish, Konoha-san" was all Sakusa said while a woman appeared out of nowhere.

"I'm afraid your wife would be pretty bored in our meeting. Yukie here will keep her company for the time being." The man Konoha pointed at the brunette with short hair. Sakusa sent you a hard stare before entering the room.

You both sat on some wooden boxes filled with god knows what. You eyes wandered through the hole place, trying to find something entertaining.

The woman hadn't said anything for a whole eternity before breaking the silence.

"So, Miya-san, huh?" The way she said the damned name tickled you off.

"I'm no Miya"

"Yeah, I know. I've heard of you" Yukie chuckled, looking at you with despise. You cocked a brow ate her.

"Sure you did" She was about to retort before the door was open again.

"Well, it's always a pleasure to make business with Itachiyama. We will see you off, then" Konoha said before reaching for the exit.

It was long past midnight when the meeting ended. The five of you were by the gates, Konoha and Komori doing some chit-chat, when four people appeared out of nowhere, knives in their hands.

"Ara, ara. look at these yakuza big shots" A man with an undercut said, fidgeting with the blade between his fingers. In your periferic vision you saw Yukie running back to the hangar and the three men by your side reaching for the guns by their hips.

Among the other four, a figure seemed familiar to you.

"Kuribayashi Runa" The name left your lips in a whisper. The female let out a mocking laugh and Sakusa frowned at you.

"Explain" Your husband immediatelly demanded, grimacing.

"She is the new maid working in your house. Today was her first day." Runa scoffed at your reply.

"Do I look like a maid to you, bitch?" And then, everything went into slow motion.

The woman came in your direction, holding the knife high in the air whilst you stepped backwards, being cornered by the gate.

You saw the blade glinting under the street lights and saw it aiming for your chest.

But it never came.

A hand pushed you downwards and you fell to the ground along a clattering sound. Sakusa's shadow loomed over you, trying to evade the knife.

By your left, you saw Konoha and Komori fighting the other guys, their guns useless in a hand-to-hand fight.

The adrenaline rushed through your bloodstream, your mind going frantic. It felt like one of those life or death situations you faced in the surgery room.

How can I save someone's life right now?

You saw Sakusa's pistol laying on the ground next to you. He and the woman were a couple of inches from your body.

You knew what you had to do.

With your leg reaching forward, you made her trip. The knife she held was kicked away by your husband.

"Sakusa! Watch out for Komori!" And you threw the gun at him.

A second too late, the bang echoed and an agonizing scream ripped through the night.

By your left, Runa and two of the guys were already running away.

The man Komori fought collapsed to the ground clutching his leg and cursing under his breath.

But the most disturbing sight was the way Komori held his arm, whimpering and cursing while his right hand clutched the knife's handle.

The blade tore his flesh and crossed the limb right next to its joint, in a weird angle.

Yukie came back, carrying a rope and a pistol.

"I sent some of our men to their direction." She said while helping Konoha to restrain the guy who attacked you.

"What the fuck you guys want?" The blond asked before kicking the man in his guts. The latter spat blood, giving a crooked smile at Konoha.

"Johzenji is coming" Was all he said before passing out.

"Yukie, carry him to the basement." He ordered "Since it happened on our territory, we will be investigating the incident. We count with Itachiyama's cooperation and will keep you updated" Konoha bowed at Sakusa, before rushing back to the building.

Komori was still on his knees, head hanging low. A grunt went past his lips and you knew what he was doing.

"Komori! Don't!" But again your shout came too late and the man ripped the knife away from his limb. Blood rushed through his fingers and dampened the suit he wore. "Fuck" you rushed to his side, Sakusa's features going livid.

"We gotta take him to a hospital" you said.

"No!" Komori croaked out, getting a hold of your arm. You knew what he meant, but you also knew what could definetely happen if he ignored the situation.

Sakusa was frozen in front of you two, unsure of what to do. You took a deep breath, mustering up all the courage you had.

"You have to trust me, then" you held the brown haired male by his torso and gave Sakusa a determined glare.

The oyabun noded at you and it was all the assurance you needed before ripping out Komori's blazer and transforming your scarf into a tourniquet.

In your old apartment, you ushered the two males inside, taking them both to your kitchen.

Sakusa sat the Kobun in a chair while you went to another room. A minute later, you brought two metallic cases, some flasks and a first aid box.

In the cupboards you took a flask of alcohol and squeezed it to the table, wipping it with some gauzes.

Positioning Komori's arm over the wooden surface, you sterilized his wounds with povidone and then turned your attention to Sakusa.

"I'll start it now" before proceeding to the sink. Sakusa admired the movements you made while washing your hands "I need you to do the same" and he complied.

The male helped you to put the gloves and mask on and to set your instruments over the table.

Looking at Komori, you realized he passed out in spite of the pain. The blood loss wasn't huge, but you did not knew why he fell unconcious.

You prepared two syringes of anesthesics. Sakusa sent you a weird glare, brows furrowing at you.

"Don't look at me like this. I'm a surgeon you know" and then you did the infusion. "Its not that weird if I have some hospital shit at home".

You opened the cut with a scalpel. Scrutinizing at the wound, you saw the artery was hit.

"Thank god." You let out a breath of relief, realizing the damage was little. It didn't need an anastomosis, so some stiches would do. "The ulnar artery was hit but it won't be too hard to fix. Although, I can't tell if there's a nerve damage" and you started to close the vessel's lesion.

You observed if there was any muscle or tendon damages and proceeded to suture the gashes, making sure the procedure was well done. You then patched it up and imobilized the limb with a makeshift splint, before undoning the tourniquet.

"Let's take him to my bedroom" With that, you both carried the unconcious man to your bed. "I need to check him overnight and– Shit! Your face!" It was just now you realized he had a gash on his cheek.

Sakusa flinched, feeling the blood drying over his skin and dampening the mask he used. He removed the cloth and observed the cut with the front camera of his phone. He frowned at the sight.

"It can get an infection and leave a nasty scar. Do you want me to patch it up?" You offered after checking Komori's blood pressure and his heartbeat.

A please left his lips in a whisper.

You both went back to the kitchen and you used a new set of tools. Holding his face between your gloved hands, you admired his facial features.

Sakusa was pretty.

Almost ethereal with his thin nose, almond eyes and thick brows. In addition, te two moles on his forehead complimented his beauty.

You snapped out of your reverie, getting to work.

"Finished. This kind of suture won't leave a visible scar" you said cutting the thread and reinforcing the stitch with tape.

Your finger lingered a bit longer on the apple of his cheek. Sakusa grabbed your hand and held it for a while before getting away from you and settling himself on your couch. You ignored the ghost of his touch on your skin and went back to check on Komori.

That night, Sakusa realized that no one ever handled him with such care, as if he was made of fine china.

I like that touch, he decided.

❥ taglist: is still open. Send an ask or use the commentary section to let me know if you want to be added!

@ukaiwachin @keekee-732 @chiibichann @shinguchi @captain-shittykawa @fortheloveofbakugo @daisyjaebae @jihoonspout @floodinginstars @fl4mepillar @trash4sportsanime @translucentthoughts @starrystanze @teaanbiss @hqxreader @sunboikyo00 @yskomiii @ly-nia @shadyjinyoung @julimausi1311 @idiot-juice-enthusiast @hyoonx23 @keuromi @differentballooncollection @re-zerohora @onigiriimiya @ayaeushi @wolfiepirate @sekshi-namjas @tomo-uwu @flodaisez @jh-bee @kemochie;

[megalony]

Family of six

This is a new murderer! Ben Hardy series I am going to be working on which I hope you will all enjoy, I know I have quite a few series on the go at the moment but I like to keep switching between them.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have a son together and are pregnant again but things take a worrisome turn when (Y/n) develops severe morning sickness and they find out they’re having triplets.

Enjoy.

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"Buddy, why aren't you at preschool?" Surprise filled Ben's dark sea-green eyes the moment he stepped through the door and was bombarded by his five-year-old attaching himself to Ben's legs.

Ben's words came across as confused and rather authoritiative but his tone made no difference to the little boy clinging to him. Billy was more than familiar with Ben's tones of voice, he knew which tone meant Ben was actually mad at him and which ones meant Ben wasn't angry and was just talking normally. And Billy was also familiar with the unusually sweet tones Ben sometimes had when he felt like being endearing.

He didn't mean to come across as anything but caring and concerned for his son but Ben wasn't expecting to come home and find Billy still here. He should be at preschool until three o'clock when Ben was meant to go and pick him up, he shouldn't be at home right now.

Ben had come home specifically for the reason that he and (Y/n) were going to their first scan for their second pregnancy. (Y/n) was supposed to take Billy to preschool this morning like she did every morning before going to work, although she wasn't working today.

"Mummy's in bed, she's been sick."

"Oh dear. Alright, you go play and I'll go see how your mum's doing." Ben leaned down and hooked his hands under Billy's arms when the five-year-old was reluctant to let go of Ben. Billy hadn't gotten to see Ben all that much for the past week, Ben left for work before Billy got up and on quite a few days he was back after Billy went to bed or just before so he didn't see him very much.

The club took up a lot of Ben's time because he had to make sure it ran smoothly. The front of the club had to be perfect and exact as not to raise suspicion about the dodgy dealings Ben had going on behind closed doors. The dodgy side of the business also had to be carried out in specific and exact ways so that no slip-ups happened and they didn't get caught.

But Ben always did his best to balance out his family life and his work because as much as he had to be at the club to make sure it was functioning and working in the right way, he had to be at home with his family too. (Y/n) and Billy were Ben's world and since the moment Billy was born, Ben had made sure to always try and be there. Billy had flipped a switch in Ben's mind since he was born, whenever Ben was at the club for too long or there every day of the week he would get stressed and annoyed in case he was missing out on something in Billy's life. He didn't want to miss anything, he wanted to be there and be involved and since Billy was so attached to Ben it made it harder for Ben to be away from him.

"Come on buddy I gotta go see your mum."

"Then can we have dinner?"

Ben looked to his watch before looking back at Billy with a smile, Ben had the rest of the day off anyway and even though he was rather good at cooking, he could never be bothered to take the time to do it.

"I'll go and make sure your mum's okay and then we'll head out somewhere for dinner, okay?"

He kissed the top of Billy's head when he giggled in agreement before effortlessly picked Billy up, swaying him side to side as he walked through into the back room and set Billy down on the floor where he had his toys scattered about. Billy preferred the back room to play in and watch tv rather than the lounge, it was a room he could play in and make a mess. The lounge was a room that (Y/n) liked to try and keep tidy and neat in case they had people over.

Ben dumped his keys from his pocket down on the table near the stairs before he headed up to go and check on (Y/n). He knew she hadn't been very well for the past two weeks, morning sickness seemed to suddenly hit her like a train and hadn't made things easy for her. It was unnerving for Ben whenever (Y/n) was ill or in pain because they were things he couldn't control and that made him angry. He liked control over situations especially when it came to (Y/n) because he wanted to make her happy and when she was ill he couldn't make her better.

When they had Billy (Y/n) had next to no morning sickness at all and other than the birth the pregnancy had been rather smooth sailing and Ben liked that. He liked that there was no problems or worries with (Y/n) or Billy.

Heading up the stairs, Ben made his way into his and (Y/n)'s room and he bit his lip when he looked around the room for a moment. The pillows and the covers on the bed were strewn about, the sick bucket was left in the middle of the bed and there were tissues, tablets and a glass of water on the side table.

"Baby? You in here?" Ben cautiously opened the door to the adjoining bathroom and leaned his head round to see if (Y/n) was in there. She had been asleep this morning when he left for work but she hadn't been sick through the night and she seemed fine and settled last night and this morning.

Taking a deep breath, Ben curled his fingers into his palms to stop himself from frowning or sighing when he looked at his wife.

(Y/n) was kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet with her arms folded over the toilet and her forehead resting on her arms. She looked like she had or was about to pass out then and there and Ben could see the way her stomach was constantly sucking in and her throat muscles were straining like she was trying to stop from gagging.

She was wearing her pyjama shorts and her bra, her night shirt was crumpled up on the floor so Ben guessed she had been sick down her shirt. And her hair was scrunched up into a loose knot on her head with strands hanging loose all around her features.

"Fucking hell baby, why didn't you call me and say you were this sick?" Ben wasted no time in kneeling down next to (Y/n) and gently moving her hair behind her ear so he could see her better. If she had called and said she was this sick Ben would have come back sooner to take care of her and either take Billy to preschool or look after them both. He didn't like the thought of (Y/n) being as ill as this and suffering on her own thinking that she couldn't bother him when he was at work. Ben thought he had drilled it into her head by now that she and Billy were more important than anything else.

He could see now why Billy was still at home, if (Y/n) was this sick and couldn't take Billy to preschool and Ben was at work there weren't many people (Y/n) could call on for help. She wouldn't want to bother her friends, she had no contact with her family after they found out she was engaged to Ben and his family were an hour away so they couldn't help either.

It was one of the reasons Ben was so determined in making sure (Y/n) and Billy and the rest of the world knew how much he loved them. Her family hated Ben and what he did and he wanted to show them that he would never hurt (Y/n) or their son and that she was looked after and doing what she wanted with her life.

"Y-you were at work."

(Y/n) rubbed her shaking hand over her forehead, feeling the sweat clinging to her skin even though she was starting to tremble against the cold air of the bathroom. She knew how badly Ben liked the club to be running perfectly and have everything in order and he had already taken the afternoon off for the scan. There was no way (Y/n) was dragging him away in the morning as well when she could just keep Billy at home with her. Ben couldn't do very much at the moment for her anyway.

"Don't pull that one, if you or Billy are sick and I'm at the club you call me. Now I think seeing the midwife would be a good idea for you but I doubt we'd get you there when you're like this."

There was no chance or time for (Y/n) to respond before she had to look away from Ben and hover her face over the rim of the toilet, snapping her eyes closed as she choked and gagged. All morning she had been either throwing up, cradling her stomach or slumped in front of the toilet wondering if she was going to be sick or not. There was nothing left in her system to throw up but her stomach was still trying to force out the sips of water she had earlier and the bile left behind.

(Y/n) had barely managed to make Billy breakfast and she felt so bad that he was sat playing downstairs whilst she had to stay up here. She knew that if she went downstairs she would be stuck in the downstairs toilet which wasn't very big and she could never get herself back upstairs with the way she was feeling.

It seemed like a good idea to go to the scan today because then the midwife could check (Y/n) over and maybe prescribe her something to take. But Ben was sure that if he tried to take her they would only have to keep stopping for her to be sick and she looked like she was about to faint. She was in no fit state to go for a scan or talk to a midwife or doctor.

"I can't go, I- I don't feel well enough." (Y/n) closed her eyes and leaned her head on Ben's shoulder. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep and hope that it made her feel better than this.

When she felt Ben's arms curling around her shaking form it made her feel ever so slightly more at ease but she could feel how he was trying hard not to tense when holding her because he didn't like how sick she was.

"It's alright I'll call and get another appointment, but I think right now you need to go back to bed."

Ben didn't like the way that (Y/n) had next to no energy left to move, it showed just how bad she felt and how sick she was when she just let Ben slowly lift her to her feet and hold her weight when she looked like she was made of jelly. Ben moved his left arm so it was wrapped around (Y/n)'s waist and his other arm went around her front just in case she fell or stumbled since she didn't look very stable on her feet right now.

Her head fell onto Ben's shoulder and her feet scuffed against the floor when Ben slowly walked her through into the bedroom. The moment Ben sat (Y/n) down on the bed he noticed she looked like a doll or a puppet, swaying and having limp muscles like she was waiting to be controlled by a puppet master.

"I'm gonna go down and get Billy something to eat... I think it'd be worth you trying to have a biscuit or something in an hour or so. You gonna be okay if I head down?"

It wouldn't be a good idea for (Y/n) to have anything to eat now since she was still throwing up and gagging. But Ben knew her not eating anything wasn't going to help her very much, especially since for the past two weeks she had barely managed one meal a day. That wasn't good for her health in general and especially not since she was pregnant. Soup or biscuits might be easier on her stomach and be something she could hold down.

Ben rested his hands either side of (Y/n)'s shoulders and leaned over her when she laid down. Her eyes were half-lidded as she looked up at him but she managed a smile and a nod in response. She knew well enough to know that Ben would be back up to see her soon anyway, he wasn't leaving her alone for very long unless she was asleep.

He smoothed his thumb over her cheek and kissed her temple lovingly before he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That's your second glass in half an hour, take it easy." Ben leaned his head to the side and spoke in a calm but slightly cautious manner that (Y/n) knew all too well. He didn't want to be demanding or controlling or sound rude but he couldn't help the look he was giving her right now.

(Y/n) had practically downed a full glass of orange juice in one go and was now taking large gulps of another glass. If she did that she would most likely throw it up again because she wasn't keeping anything down. Ben made her soup yesterday and she threw it up, she couldn't hold down two biscuits in the evening or a drink of water last night. She had orange juice all day today in little sips but she was suddenly so thirsty and it felt nice to have something other than water.

"I'm dry, and the baby likes it." (Y/n) swirled her finger around the rim for a moment, knowing she shouldn't down it when it was the most she had drank and managed to keep down in the past two days. Her throat felt like the desert especially with how much she was being sick but the cold drink was soothing and it was easier to drink than little sips of water.

"If you throw all that up your throat's gonna burn like a bitch cause orange has a lot of acid in it."

(Y/n) looked down at her glass for a moment before sighing and looking back up at Ben who was perched on the edge of the bed next to her legs. She knew he was right but she didn't feel sick right now, she had eaten a few biscuits today and had kept them down so far without feeling like she was going to collapse or like her stomach was constantly churning.

"And don't worry about the morning, I'm taking Billy to preschool."

"Are you going straight to the club when you drop him off then?" (Y/n) took a small sip of her juice to try and see if it would make her throat feel less dry and scratchy as she looked over at her husband. She knew Ben's routine and he always went to the club to get there for half seven in the morning to get the place up and running since it opened at eight. But Billy was at preschool from nine until three and (Y/n) doubted Ben would go to the club, come back home to get Billy then go to the club again.

"I'm off to the club in the afternoon, I'm gonna do half days for the next few weeks."

"Ben no-"

"I'm not doing ten or twelve hour shifts when you're sick like this, I wanna be home so I can help you and look after Billy." There was no way Ben was going to keep going to the club every day and do long hours when he knew (Y/n) was ill at home and had to look after Billy. It wasn't fair and Ben owned the club, he could do whatever shifts he wanted and he had people he could put in charge for when he wasn't there.

"You don't like the way the place is when you're not there, it doesn't run smoothly and you know it."

"I'll sort it, I'll leave fucking instructions for them if I have to but I'm not leaving you like this. I'm gonna go put Billy to bed, try a biscuit too since the baby's clearly hungry."

(Y/n) knew she wasn't going to win the argument so she nodded, watching Ben leave the room with a certain smile on his lips because he knew he had won just like he always did. It wasn't as if he was trying to do something bad or wrong either and (Y/n) knew that, she just knew that Ben had a particular way of doing things at the club and he hated when his workers didn't follow his rules or examples or did something wrong. It was better at the club when he was there to oversee everything. But Ben would still be there most days of the week, just not for as long because he wanted to be home to look after Billy and make sure (Y/n) was okay.

"Okay buddy, you ready for bed?" Ben leaned against the wall when Billy came out of the bathroom with a tired smile and droopy eyes.

The little boy held his arms out to Ben who had a knowing smirk on his face as he rolled his eyes but indulged his son anyway and leaned down to pick him up. He settled Billy on his hip and walked down the hall to Billy's room, Ben liked settling Billy to sleep because it never took long he wasn't a fussy child. Ben knew there were kids that took ages to fall asleep or liked the door open or the light on or couldn't get to sleep on their own.

Billy wasn't fussy at all, he got into bed had a night light on and just liked Ben or (Y/n) there for a few moments while he settled and got comfy then he fell asleep almost straight away.

"Can we go see uncle Joey tomorrow?" Billy smiled and tugged on Ben's arm when he settled the five year old down in bed and he wouldn't get go of Ben. With a smile, Ben sat down on the side of the bed and leaned over Billy who was still clinging to Ben's arm.

"Hmm I suppose we can do after preschool, he will be happy to see you." Ben carded his fingers through Billy's hair for a few moments to help settle and calm him. Joe worked for Ben but they were very close friends and Billy saw him as an uncle rather than just one of his dad's work friends. He was as close to Ben as if he were one of his brothers too.

Ben kept running his fingers through Billy's hair but the moment he was about to say something else he stopped himself when a noise caught his attention.

"Alright buddy, I'll get you up in the morning for preschool, I'm gonna go check on your mum now. Night buddy." He kissed Billy's forehead and looked to check that the lime green night light was on before he turned off the lamp and left the room. There was no mistaking that what Ben had heard was (Y/n) throwing up and considering she hadn't been sick since very early this morning he knew she wasn't going to be happy or very well.

Ben jogged back over to his and (Y/n)'s room and headed over to his side of the bed. He kneeled in the middle of the bed and moved his hands to hold (Y/n)'s hair away from her face as she was sat cross-legged on the bed leaning over the sick bucket.

He hated the way that when he rubbed his hand up and down her back he could feel her chest and her muscles constricting as she was barely breathing through her heaving. (Y/n) started to gasp and breathe deeper than Ben had heard before when she finally seemed to be able to breathe rather than just feel her throat muscles pushing together and closing off her airways.

(Y/n) spat into the bucket as she pressed her hand to her temple and closed her eyes to try and fight off the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. "Baby... do you want some water, maybe some tablets?"

"T-the tablets are in there." (Y/n) swiped the back of her hand against her mouth before she moved the bucket further up the bed away from her. The way her lips frowned in distaste and the tears in her eyes told Ben she was not happy about this at all.

She had thrown up all the orange juice, the biscuits and the paracetamol she had taken two minutes ago. Nothing was staying down and she hated it. She hated more that she hadn't listened to Ben who was right, it felt so nice to have a proper drink and not feel queasy but now her throat was burning like it was on fire.

"I don't like this Ben, it was never like this with Billy." (Y/n) buried her face in Ben's chest when he moved his hands from her hair to wrap his arms around her and hold her to his chest.

"I know baby, and if you get any worse I'm taking you to the doctor. I'll get you some water though because I need you to keep some fluids down or we're off to the doctor tonight." Ben had managed to rebook their scan for next week but he didn't want to wait that long if (Y/n) didn't end up eating or drinking anything. This was bad for her and the baby and if she couldn't keep any fluids down at all then Ben would have to take her to the hospital.

Ben buried his face into (Y/n)'s hair and rubbed his hand up and down her waist as he felt her slowly calming down. He really hoped he wouldn't end up taking her to hospital, he had been praying that this pregnancy would be as smooth as Billy's had been.

[greaterawarness]

Brothers Ch. 6 "Retired Commander and Captain"

(A slow morning for Cody and Rex.)

Cody was up by 0600 like most mornings. When he was in the army, he would consider 0600 sleeping in. He supposes he’s gone a little soft since being out. His morning routine was nothing glamorous. He normally showers but today he’s skipped that step, shaves, spends a small amount of time making sure his hair is in order, then dresses in sensible clothing. Today he plans on going for a run, so he wears breathable workout clothes.

“What are you doing? Come back to bed…” A sleepy voice calls. Cody walks out of the bathroom and leans against the doorway with a smile. Obi Wan is turned on his side with their red sheets resting at his waist. His usual neat and tidy hair now sticks in every direction.

“Can’t. Promised Rex I’d kidnap him for a run.” He walks over to sit on the bed. Obi Wan reaches out to gently touch Cody’s wrist. Cody leans forward planting a gentle kiss on Obi Wan’s forehead. “Go back to sleep. I should be back before you finish getting ready.”

Obi Wan grabs his shirt when he starts to pull away. He presses his lips to Cody’s before falling back on his pillow and rolling to his side of the bed.

“Very well. Run an extra mile for me.” He yawns while pulling the sheets up to his shoulders.

“Always do.” Cody pushes himself off the bed. Before leaving their room, he walks to his closet out of habit. He checks on his Mandalorian armor making sure it was still in tip top shape as if it would change from his last inspection before bed. With there being no changes, he leaves their room.

Cody and Obi Wan live in a luxurious spacious apartment. Only riveled by Padme’s and Skywalker’s. He walks across their pristine white marble floor to their white clean kitchen. Everything is sleek and modern just how they liked it. After leaving the Jedi Order they both developed a certain taste for things. Ahsoka had called it being boujee. Whatever the hell that means. He starts the caf so it will be ready when Obi Wan wakes and for when he gets back from his run. He leaves their apartment and makes his way down to the lobby.

“Morning Wooley.” Cody says as he passes his brother behind the main desk. After Obi Wan purchased this building, he gave a few jobs to the 212th. They’re simple jobs but his men seem to enjoy it. It doesn’t hurt that they all congregate in the speakeasy in the back. Easy to make 212th meetings if you work in the building.

“Early as ever Sir. Want me to pull your speeder around?” He asks.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just call a cab.” Cody says. When he’s on the street he hails the cab while taking in the sun’s rays. Cody always loved Coruscant in the morning. Wasn’t as busy as during the day or rowdy like at night. Though, things definitely got more interesting when the sun went down. Cody sits in the back of the cab admiring the buildings as they passed. Rex didn’t live to far and he could have walked it but knowing Rex he only has a finite time to reach him before the man collapses back into deep sleep. When the cab parks in front of Rex’s building, Cody slips out and pays the man. Before walking inside, he can’t help but glance at Skywalkers building only a block further down. Most people in this area are Senators or work in high-ranking positions. Not even on the handsome funds that Cody and Obi Wan pull in from the Jinn clan could they afford a place in this area.

Cody walks through the lobby and nods at the stern man behind the front desk. He meets his eyes before looking back to his screen. Cody punches in the code that grants access to the lift and rides it up to Rex’s floor. When he approaches Rex’s front door, he can already hear the madness on the other side. Cody grins before knocking. After a few moments the door opens when a blue twi’lek girl appears.

“Good morning Luna. I’ve come to kidnap your father.” Cody says. The teenager turns her face inside.

“Dad! Uncle Cody’s here!” She yells. She steps aside so Cody can walk in. While Obi Wan and Cody preferred a modern home that mostly consists of white marble and sleek finishes, Rex liked a more rustic feel. While the wall facing outward to the city is made of almost entirely of glass the other walls are exposed brick with exposed wood beams and columns. His floors, when not covered in scattered toys or clothes, are a light hardwood. It definitely felt more homy then Cody’s.

“You off to school?” Cody asks when the door shuts behind him.

“Yeah, just waiting on the gremlin to get ready.” She says, crossing her arms.

“That’s not a nice thing to call your brother.” Cody eyes her.

“Sorry,” She nods. “I meant to say bantha.”

Cody has to hold back a laugh. Luna slides across the floor in her long school socks to retrieve her datapad. Cody almost jumps when a woman rushes down the stairs holding a human toddler in her arms. Her blonde curly hair bounces with every jerk of her head. Cody crosses his arms with a smile waiting Morrigan to notice him. Her frantic busy eyes scan the kitchen island that is cluttered in papers, cups, and toys.

“My keys… where are my keys?” She asks with her one free hand held out frustratedly. Cody takes this time to walk forward. She stares at him slightly taken off guard before calming back down.

“I believe,” Cody starts while reaching for the thing in the toddler’s hands. “I’ve found them.”

Morrigan closes her eyes relieved.

“Thank you, Cody.” She says placing a hand on his shoulder. “You must be here for Rex.”

“Yes, I had planned on kidnapping him.” Cody explains. He leans against the messy kitchen island. She gives a sarcastic eyeroll.

“Good luck. I’m afraid my nine year old has beaten you to it.” She walks over to her bag to rummage through it. As if speaking his name summoned him, Rex walks down the stairs with his son slung over his shoulders.

“I don’t want to go!” Bjorn yells but shows no real struggle. Rex lets out long sigh.

“I know,” He says while setting the boy down. Bjorn’s a spitting image of his father. Well, Cody guessed all clones really, but he was Rex’s boy through and through. “But you have to. Otherwise, mum and I are going to go to prison!”

The boy rolls his eyes. He tries to walk away but is stopped by Rex’s hand. Rex pulls out a pair of glasses and puts them on Bjorn’s face.

“But…”

“No buts. You’re wearing them.” Rex waves a finger at the boy with a stern eye. Bjorn says nothing while grabbing his school bag and walks over to his eldest sister.

“Be safe! Don’t take your eyes off each other!” Morrigan calls when the two eldest children walk towards the front door.

“We know!” They yell back before closing the door behind them. With two out of the three kids gone the adults took this moment to breathe. Rex looks to Cody for the first time.

“Sorry that you had to walk in on our hectic mornings.” Rex says looking more tired than he did when they left to go home last night.

“Don’t worry about it. Love any chance I get to see my favorite nieces and nephew.” Cody says. Morrigan shifts her daughter while slinging her bag over her other shoulder.

“Well, I’m off to work. I’m running late as it is. Cody, try not to kill my husband. I do enjoy his company.” She says walking past him. She walks for the door making Rex chuckle.

“Love?” Rex calls.

“Yes?” She turns back around.

“I’m not sure how your meeting is going to go while holding Serin.” Rex crosses his arms. Morrigan pauses realizing her daughter is still in her arms. She shuffles over and hands her to Rex before giving him a quick kiss and rushing for the door. Rex calls out “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Morrigan responds by letting out a loud and sarcastic laugh while running out the door. Rex shakes his head while smiling at Serin who is content just sitting in Rex’s arms.

“If its just you and Serin we can go for a run another day?” Cody offers. Rex lets out a tired sigh.

“Nah, we’ll bring her along.”

After getting little Serin situated in a stroller Cody and Rex do a short stretch in front of Rex’s building. After they feel warmed up, they start jogging. When Cody goes for a run with Obi Wan they usually start out much faster and go for longer but ever since becoming a dad Rex has lost a bit of his steam. They run a few blocks before stopping at a crosswalk. Rex leans over with his hands on his knees breathing heavily.

“You okay?” Cody raises a brow at him.

“Don’t judge me Cody… I’ve got three kids…” He breathes before straightening up and pushing the stroller as he continues to run. Everything is so different now then it was when they were in the army. Before he and Rex ran a tight ship. Nothing got past them, and they were constantly working to keep their bodies and minds in top physical condition. Now, they’ve learned to take it easy and take things as they come. Not that they’ve gone completely soft. Cody and Rex still pride themselves on their combat skills and marksmanship.

They decide to end their run early when Serin starts to get fussy. They now walk at a comfortable pace after stopping to buy the child a juice box. Cody and Rex drink one of their own.

“So,” Rex says after they toss their drained juice boxes. “What are we going to do about that batch of clones?”

That batch. Cody knew exactly what he was talking about. Cody lets out a sigh through his nose.

“I could use some guys like that. It’s hard to find younger clones so willing to run into battle.” Cody starts.

“True but running headfirst into danger isn’t always a good thing.” Rex says making Cody laugh.

“Ironic coming from you!” Cody says wincing when Rex elbows him.

“All I’m saying is that they seem a little to eager.”

“What do you expect? They’re too young to have seen any battle but to old to not remember life and training on Kamino. They trained for a Republic that already didn’t want them.” Cody snorts. They fall silent for a moment. Memories of the days after the war. When it first ended everyone was so happy. It may have only been one real battle but so many clones and Jedi had died. Everyone celebrated and the clones were seen as heroes. For a time. Then the Jedi who had fought beside so many of the clones turned away from them. Some completely abandoning squads on random planets trying to wrangle up any remaining separatists. The anger from those times still burns in Cody and Rex.

As they contemplated on the past, they can hear the shouting of protests. Cody and Rex exchange looks before continuing on. They find a large crowd surrounding a stage built of crates with a few clones standing on top.

“We fought their war and look how they treat us?” A clone yells. Cody stops to stare at him. He looks familiar. “Clones only earn a small percentage compared to any other species on Coruscant but we far outnumber any other species when it comes to homelessness! We’re denied basic rights!”

Cody is both surprised and pleased to see that the crowd is a good mix of nonclones and clones. Serin starts to get fussy again, so they start to walk on. As they walk away from the rally, they can hear them chanting “We fought your fight now give us rights!”all the way down the block.

They decide to take a rest on a park bench and let Serin stretch her legs.

“That was Slick up there, wasn’t it?” Rex asks. Cody nods. He holds a twig that Serin hands him before she waddles off.

“I just hope he keeps it peaceful.” Cody sighs. Rex lets out a snort.

“He’s not wrong though. Some clones are lucky and get decent jobs and live a normal life. Most aren’t. unless they want to live like us working as bounty hunters and mercenaries. We do okay but this life isn’t for everyone. It’s most certainly not one I want my children.”

Cody looks over at Rex who keeps his eyes on his daughter.

“Bjorn looks just like us. What happens when he’s older and he can’t get a job because his face resembles mine? Serin… well I tell myself she’ll do fine because she’s a girl and she takes after her mother thank the Force. But I do worry about them.” Rex scoops his daughter in his arms and holds her close. She doesn’t appreciate this and squirms out of his arms to continue playing.

“I hate to break this to you Rex old boy, but your son is probably going to become a bounty hunter just because he has your wife’s attitude.” Cody says making Rex laugh.

“Oh, don’t I know it too?” Rex shakes his head. His face settles into a sad smile. “Still… I want him to have a choice.”

Cody lets out a breath while leaning back.

“Then I guess we’ll have to hope Fox and Padme can pull through.” Cody looks up at the sky before staring at Rex when he lets out a pfft.

“Never thought you would be saying that did ya?” Rex snorts making Cody laugh.

“Fuckin’ Fox man… who knew?” Cody shakes his head. When they fall silent again Rex leans on his knees.

“So, what are we going to do about that batch?” Rex asks again. Cody leans his head back with his eyes closed.

“I don’t know…” He groans. “Wolffe has probably already recruited them but… then they have the Force sensitive ones and I’m sure Skywalker will throw a fit if he doesn’t get them.”

“Yeah, probably. He and Ahsoka were fighting about it the other night. But they were drinking so it quickly turned into who’s fault it was who crashed the last ship.” Rex says with his chin perched on his hand.

“… It was Anakin, wasn’t it?”

“It’s always Anakin.” Rex nods making Cody chuckle. They sit in silence again while watching Serin play.

“You don’t think that day we ran into that batch wasn’t a bit…”

“Perfect?” Rex finishes for him. “Yeah. I know.”

“I mean all three of us were recruited for the job and then the batch is there for no apparent reason, and they were carrying blasters which according to our research none of them can afford. Seems like that whole event was planned.” Cody watches Rex carefully. His face is unchanging but deliberately still. “It has her fingerprints all over it.”

“I know.” He says softly.

“That means those boys are probably in over their heads. It might be best if we cut off all ties with them. Save ourselves a headache.” Cody says aware of how stiff Rex is next to him. It’s so apparent that Serin walks over to try and mess with his face. He loosens up so not to bother her.

“I’ll deal with it, Cody.” He says sternly. He stands with his daughter in his arms. He puts her back in her stroller telling Cody it was time to go. Cody doesn’t push the subject any further. Rex has a complicated history after the war. It often comes back to haunt him. Cody walks beside his friend feeling bad for even bringing her up. They would have to come up with a plan for that batch another day. Today Cody was only focused on getting back to the apartment to catch Obi Wan before he left for the senate.

Read full story HERE at AO3

[elvendara]

March Madness 2021

AKA Yooran Month

March 7th

Something I wrote for the Werewolf Choi Twins AU that happens after the ending of “The Pack”.

Saeran watched the clock and wiped his hands on his pants again. He was nervous. More nervous than he had ever been. He shouldn’t be, but what if…no…he wouldn’t think about that. Yoosung would be home soon and he had to look busy. Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary! Grabbing a random book from the shelf he sat on the sofa and opened it up. It took a few minutes before he realized it was upside down. Stupid! The clock was agonizingly slow!

When he heard the key in the door he began to tremble. Closing his eyes he employed a breathing technique to calm himself. By the time Yoosung entered the apartment, he was once more calm.

“Hey!” Yoosung called out cheerily. Saeran turned and smiled at his boyfriend. He looked tired, as always, but Saeran loved that Yoosung’s face still lit up when he saw him. It made him feel special.

“Hey!” he echoed. Yoosung’s grin widened as he dropped his bag on the floor by the door and kicked off his shoes. Saeran’s eyebrow lifted at the sight and Yoosung, with a sigh, bent over and placed the shoes neatly against the door with an exaggerated eye roll. Saeran berated himself, the last thing he wanted to do was start an argument, especially about shoes and neatness. They were just not on the same wavelength when it came to orderliness. Saeran liked things neat and tidy while Yoosung seemed to be followed by chaos wherever he went. Really it wasn’t so bad, and Saeran didn’t mind being the tidy one. Honestly, Yoosung had changed many of his habits to try and compromise with Saeran. Now, most of the chaos was contained in Yoosung’s side of the bedroom and the kitchen, which, was still very much Yoosung’s domain.

“Better?” Yoosung asked but he didn’t sound surly, just amused. Saeran breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sorry, I know it’s stupid…”

“Don’t say that, it’s not a big deal to set my shoes neatly on the mat. I’ll get it.” Yoosung laughed and sat on Saeran’s lap, displacing the book in his hands. Saeran set the book down and wrapped his arms around Yoosung.

“Well, why don’t I reward you for being so diligent.” Saeran teased.

“Reward? What kind of reward?” Yoosung’s eyebrows wiggled and he set his forehead against Saeran’s.

“Not that kind, at least not right now.” Saeran smirked and Yoosung pouted, pulling away and looking into Saeran’s mint green eyes. “I was thinking that since you have a day off tomorrow, we could order in and play some LOLOL.”

“Really?” Yoosung’s tiredness seemed to flee as he became animated and excited.

“Yes, really, why don’t you go boot up the laptops while I place the order.”

“OK.” Yoosung jumped up, as he made his way into the bedroom huridly, Saeran slapped him on the butt. “Hey!” Yoosung tossed over his shoulder but didn’t slow down at all.

Saeran smiled as he watched his boyfriend eagerly run into the bedroom. This was it. He held his breath and stood. Too late to back out now, even if he wanted to. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and hit the saved number. They ordered regularly from the Thai place down the street. As soon as he said his name the person on the other end asked if it was the usual, Saeran chuckled and said yes, but added a desert.

“Ah, romantic dinner yes?”

“Something like that.” Saeran said.

“OK OK, twenty minutes.”

“Thank you.” Saeran hung up and grabbed some PhD Pepper’s from the fridge. As he walked into the bedroom he saw that Yoosung had indeed booted up both their laptops, set up side by side. It was a little tight in the bedroom, he much preferred his own room at Saeyoung’s, but when Yoosung was with him, it felt more like a cozy comfort.

It was hard living away from the pack, but it was temporary, until Yoosung finished his clinicals and was able to find a permanent job. This was just closer and easier on Yoosung. They had had some complaints about the noise they created when they had sex, but Saeran didn’t think there was anything they could do about that. It was what it was and things often got a little crazy between them.

“What is that smile for?” Yoosung asked, eyes narrowing.

“Nothing, just…remembering the last complaint we had about the noise.” He laughed.

Yoosung blushed but didn’t comment, taking the offered can and opening it. Saeran leaned over him and kissed his exposed neck. It was one of Saeran’s favorite places to nibble on his boyfriend, whether he was in wolf form or human form. He was just so tasty!

“Stop! Don’t start something you aren’t prepared to finish!” Yoosung chastised.

“You’re right, this is about having some fun and destressing.” He plopped down on his own chair and opened the game watching it load. Yoosung sighed loudly but Saeran ignored him. “Food should be here in twenty.” He said instead.

“Fine. Where did you order from?” Yoosung’s fingers flew over the keyboard as his character appeared on his screen, already checking his guild to see if there were any worthwhile raids they could join.

“Thai Orchadee, the usual.” Saeran said.

“Great! I love that place, did you get me some Thai tea?” Yoosung asked.

“Of course I did. Do I know my man or do I know my man?” he smirked.

“You do indeed!” Yoosung lunged at him and planted a sugary kiss on his lips. He was intoxicating, suddenly he could feel the animal part of him respond biologically, his cock getting hard, his mouth salivating, his nails growing into claws eager to leave their marks on Yoosung’s skin. He calmed himself, using the same breathing exercises. Thankfully Yoosung was back to staring at his screen.

When Saeran’s character loaded he checked his inventory, though nothing had changed from the last time they’d played, it was just something to keep his hands busy. He organized and reorganized his inventory, opening all his bags and checking the bags on his mount as well. He wanted to go into the house he and Yoosung had bought together, pooling their money to be able to afford it, but he couldn’t, not yet.

“Looks like there’s a couple of raids going on tonight, I think we should join the Apocalypse raid. It’ll take most of the night, but the gear is worth it. Plus, there’s a chance of getting a rare decoration for the house. What do you think?” Yoosung asked.

“Sounds good.” Saeran answered absently. “Uh, when does it start?” he was nervous it would start too soon, and he would have to wait until after it was over to do what he wanted to do.

“Not for another hour and a half looks like, but that’s not enough time to do anything else, maybe we can just do some dungeons until then?”

“Yeah, we can do that, but uh, let’s wait for the food first, I’m kinda hungry.”

“Kinda? You’re always ravenous!” Yoosung poked Saeran’s belly, though no matter how much he ate, it was still as hard as a rock. Yoosung sometimes pouted at how easy it was for Saeran to stay fit. He couldn’t help it, his werewolf metabolism always worked overdrive no matter how sedentary he happened to be. His stomach decided to growl just to prove the point.

Yoosung rolled his eyes and laughed. They spent the time waiting for their food trying on different outfits and changing their character’s hairstyles and colors.

“I like that one!” Yoosung said as Saeran played around with his eyes and hair colors. Sure enough Yoosung always preferred red hair and mint green eyes on his character, go figure. Saeran grinned but kept the colors. He’d tried changing, but Yoosung always frowned when he saw his character.

“I’ll get it.” Yoosung jumped out of his chair when the doorbell rang, he was back with their food in no time. Having set it down, he went back into the kitchen for more drinks, Saeran already had the plates out when he came back.

“Smells amazing.” He said.

“It sure does.” Yoosung agreed.

As they ate, Saeran asked Yoosung about his day. There was always something humerous that happened, and when he talked about the dogs Yoosung would go all starry eyed. Saeran had often thought about getting a dog, but he wasn’t sure how it would behave around werewolves, not to mention a werecat. He made a mental note to ask MC how she would feel with a dog in the house. Either way, Yoosung was too busy to really enjoy a dog at the moment, besides, he had him if he ever wanted a warm cuddle.

“You know, I forgot to tell you, I bought some new things for the house. Want to redecorate while we wait?” Saeran asked when they finished their dinner.

“Really? That’s great, oh, did you get that loft? I’d love to add another story to the house.”

“No, nothing that big, just some new decorations, mostly for the walls.”

“OK.” Yoosung took both their plates and tossed them into the garbage in the kitchen. When he returned they both teleported to the front of their house and entered. It was very cozy, they had bought a fireplace and had a deep red rug in front of it. The furniture was made out of wood and looked comfortable to sit on. There was of course bookcases lining most of the walls, Saeran’s idea, he liked how they looked.

“Why don’t you take down the items over the fireplace, I want to put the new ones on that wall.”

“Will do.” Yoosung obeyed immediately and Saern’s fingers hovered over his keys, this was it. “Uh, what are you waiting for?” Yoosung urged after several seconds.

“Right.” Saeran took a deep breath and began to toggle the items onto the wall in a semi-circle. It hadn’t been easy to get the items into the game and he’d had to ask Saeyoung for help. Only because he wanted it done fast.

Yoosung’s eager smile slipped from his face as he watched on his own screen what was popping into view as Saeran hung the décor. He blinked…his mouth fell open…then tears sprang to his eyes. The words took his breath away, from left to right, in a semi-circle above the fireplace Saeran had placed round wooden plaques, each with a single word on it. Will…You…Marry…Me…Yoosung. His heart trembled, his hands fluttering to his breast, covering his heart and the tears fell. He slowly turned towards Saeran, who was sliding off the chair and kneeling on the floor in front of him with an open ring box that held two titanium rings.

“I know you’ve already become my mate, with all that it entails. I hope you’ll say yes to becoming my husband and marrying me, making me happier than I have any right to be.”

“Say yes!” “Yeah!” “Woot woot!” a cacophony of whistles and hoots and encouragement sprang from Saeran’s headset and he grinned to see the astonished look on Yoosung’s face.

“I thought you’d want your friends and family share this moment.”

“F…family?” Yoosung stuttered.

“We’re here too Yoosung, me and your father.” His mother’s voice rang through the speakers as Saeran unplugged his headphones.

“Me too little brother! You’re crying right now, aren’t you?” His sister Yasmine laughed. More laughter rolled through the air as Yoosung gulped.

“Say yes already! I’m ready to pop the champaign!” Saeyoung chuckled, MC’s laughter ringing through the speakers as well.

“I…Oh my God! I…YES! Yes!” His emotions were thrumming through his body. He felt he might pass out with the intensity of it. It wasn’t that it was such a surprise, of course this is where their relationship was headed. It was how thoughtful and incredibly well Saeran had planned this to hit just the right note of sincerity and romance.

There was a jubilation streaming through the internet that didn’t even come close to matching what he was feeling inside. Saeran’s smile split his face and he looked happier than Yoosung had ever seen him before. He rose to his feet and pulled Yoosung up from his chair. Setting the ring box on the desk he pulled out one ring and caressed Yoosung’s arm, sliding his fingers down to his hand and placing the ring on his finger with such reverence it pierced Yoosung’s heart with such love it might explode.

“I love you.” He whispered.

A symphony of “Aww’s” and crying filtered through the internet, bathing them in soft comfort and familial warmth. Yoosung blushed but kept his mentality enough to place the other ring on Saeran’s finger, caressing his hand and feeling the importance of this moment.

“I love you too.” He gazed into his boyfriends…fiance’s…eyes, then moved slowly to press his lips against Saeran’s, sealing their promise.

“Hey, anyone else wondering about the whole “mate” thing?” someone from their guild asked.

[enkelimagnus]

A Castle in the Forest

Percy x Vex’ahlia, Chapter 2, 3541 words

A Modern AU, in which Vex is a park ranger taking over the Alabaster Sierras post, and finds much more than she bargained for

Read on AO3

---------------

Five days after learning about the unmapped trail, Vex decides to work it.

Her pack is heavy with the paint used to mark trails, as well as with the wood markers she’ll hammer into the ground on the sides of the path, every couple hundred feet. She’s quite happy to do this, if she’s honest with herself. She hasn’t marked a trail in years.

She leaves the cabin early in the morning. The issue with unmapped trails is that no one knows how long they are. Given how some weekend hikers sometimes can barely understand how length correlates to time, she doesn’t want to have people lost in the woods without enough water or food and no way to know how far they are from the edge of civilization.

But it also means that she doesn’t know how long she’ll be out, and she doesn’t want it to last longer than strictly necessary.

She drives out to the edge of the forest, sharp eyes looking for the end of the trail, where it meets with the fields. She finds it somewhere around the Northern gate of the city. She’d actually driven by it when she’d gone back from Whitestone for her supply run, but the cover of night and shadow had kept her from seeing it.

It’s small, the tops of the trees parting a little more than six feet above the ground, and narrow, about the width of her body. The sides of her backpack brush against the leaves and branches of the surrounding vegetation; it must see very few people, or only some walking in a single file.

Vex thinks back to the red-haired half-elf in the shop who had pointed her to this trail. She would fit in the narrow path well enough. It looks like maybe Keyleth has been the only one on that trail after all.

Vex takes out her shears and starts slightly widening the gap, so people won’t get tangled in branches easily. It’s harrowing work, slow and long, but necessary.

She must widen the gap enough, set some markers that will show up on the ranger apps and will be used to calculate the distance from the beginning of the trail to the end. It’s a lot of cutting, snapping and hammering in the wooden markers with a heavy mace.

It’s a relatively warm day for the season, and Vex is quick to break a sweat. By ten in the morning, she’s taken off her heavy coat, and she’s only about two-hundred feet from the entrance. Thank the Gods for her gloves, or her palms would be slippery; that’s very dangerous when wielding a mace and sharp shears.

She stops around noon and quickly drives back to her cabin to check on the cub. He has a little park now, so he can run around a little and be a cub while she works. He’s adorable. She’s starting to get used to having the cub by her side, a companion to her new life. It makes the loneliness much more bearable.

She’s so used to having someone there. Vax usually, for most of her life at least. And when she was in Shademurk… There was Saundor. His name comes into Vex’s mind and she shoves it away and smiles at the cub. Then she goes back to work.

She manages a couple of hundred feet more during that day. She gives up as the sun starts disappearing behind the mountain and painting the trees in fire. She packs up and when she arrives at the cabin, it’s half-swallowed by the mist that comes with the night.

She feeds the cub, tidies around and makes dinner. It’s a hearty stew with loads of root vegetables and hints of the spices she brought from Syngorn. Winter is coming and greens are a little rarer. She’ll need to ask Vax to send her more spices.

While the dinner simmers, Vex takes some time in the bathroom, cleaning off the grime and sweat of the day and rinsing her hair. She sits down and brushes it out completely; her long dark locks reach the small of her back when they’re weighed down by the water and brushed out. She styles it back into her usual braid and goes back to the main room, now almost plunged in darkness.

Vex lights the lantern again with a new match so she can be sure it doesn’t go out and puts it down on the wooden table of the cabin. It’s small, big enough for maybe two comfortably, and she sits there, with the cub, just fed, in the crate at the foot of her bed.

Everything is narrow. The cabin has a room, a bathroom, a tall ladder that comes out of the roof and snakes onto the stone of the pike its resting against, that leads up to the outlook post, giving a breathtaking view onto the treetops.

She eats some of her stew with a small cheese and cured beef sandwich, cuts up a fruit and gives a little of it to the cub. He’s having a little trouble with it, but it’s soft and perfect and he looks delighted with the taste.

Eventually she snuffs out the lantern and slides into the narrow bed in the corner of the room. It’s bigger than a twin and smaller than a full size. It could fit two people, but only if they slept right against each other.

The pillow smells of the soap she used to wash it when she arrived. It’s Syngornian, made with olive oil. It’s perfect; it smells of every bed she’s had since she moved to Syngorn when she was ten.

She falls asleep for a few hours, wakes up to feed the cub in the middle of the night and goes back to sleep.

That becomes her rhythm for the following days. The trail is longer than anticipated, and she has other duties than marking it up. She needs to keep the rest of the immensity of the Alabaster Sierras park in check. She needs to spend time on the look-out post, check the other trails for any damage, look for tire tracks and occasionally check on hikers.

It’s a thankless job most days, and she’s exhausted most nights. She doesn’t have a lot of time to think about Keyleth and the clockwork machines, about the unmarked trail and where it could lead. She calls Vax some days, and then sleeps.

The cub is getting better by the day. He’s a lively little thing and Vex absolutely adores him. Eventually, on the days when she works the trail, she takes the little park with her so the cub can play in it next to where she works.

It’s comfortable, it’s lovely, even. The winter is coming, days growing shorter and shorter and she oftens finishes her days with her frontal light on, but it feels right. Alone in the wilderness, chopping down wood for her fireplace and taking care of the cub, she feels safe.

Safety is rare in this world, she knows that. She’s learned that. And even without Vax, her safety and the other part of herself, she feels safe right now.

Maybe it’s the distance, or the stolen bow hidden under the bed that she still doesn’t dare to touch, in fear that touching it would make her trackable by its owner. Maybe she’s just different now, and the quietness around her makes her feel much more at home. Lack of noise is good, especially when noise can mean such horrible things.

A lot of her has changed since Shademurk. She left a whole version of Vex’ahlia back in that godforsaken swamp. The version that couldn’t stand to be lonely. The version that threw herself into the arms of the first to provide noise to fill the silence. She’s not the one that let Saundor declare himself a permanent companion, barely a month after she’d arrived in Shademurk, not anymore.

She still dislikes being lonely, but she’s tasted what being too desperate to change it can lead to. And she has absolutely no desire to fall into that trap again. She only got out of the first one because Vax came in, threw a dagger into the guy’s chest and they escaped. Shame knots in her stomach at the thought.

Vex runs out of food for the cub around two weeks after her first trip into Whitestone. He’s eating much more than she expected him to. It’s the first time she’s the only one caring for a bear, the first time since she’s started actual active ranger duty. She’s done a few training sessions before, but this is much more than expected.

So she puts him back in the crate, puts the crate back in the truck and goes back down the path to the city.

It’s colder and lighter that day, the kind of heady white weather that makes your breath cloud in the air and that promises snow. Vex hasn’t really lived through snow. She’s incredibly excited about it.

The low wooden buildings are still foreign to her. As she drives through older parts of the city, they become a little less square and low, and start looking like overturned ships. It’s peculiar. She’ll have to look into the history of the city a little more.

She parks in the same spot as the last time and goes through the same general supply store. She manages to haggle down the price of a month of food for her and the cub, and comes out feeling more victorious than she has in a while.

She charges the supplies into the truck and pauses. She should be going back to the cabin now. She doesn’t really have anything more to do in town. The metal sign of The Alcove catches her eye from the other side of the parking lot. It can’t hurt to check for healing potions, right?

She’s about to walk into the shop when she sees something. She’s noticed it before of course, it’s hard not to; but at this time of the morning, the winter sun reflects off the white stone of the castle beautifully. It looks struck by the blessing of the Dawnfather himself. She guesses that explains the temple she saw the other day. When you see such beauty, it’s hard not to worship it.

The little chime jingles as she pushes the door open. The Alcove is as cramped and strange as she remembers it. This time however, she’s alone in it.

Instead of going to the shelf of clockwork, Vex goes to the shelf of various vials. They’re all labelled in a neat script but every vial is a little different. The enchanter has been using containers from their everyday life it seems. She’s pretty sure the fire-breath potion comes in what once was a jar of pickles.

Someone coughs in the back of the shop. Vex turns around right as Simon Whisk comes through the beaded curtain.

“Hello!” The man calls out with a smile. “You’re that new ranger, right? I remember you.”

Vex smiles curtly. “You have a good memory.”

“It’s not often we see new faces in winter. Most of the tourists come when summer’s around,” he shrugs. “What can I do for you?”

Vex takes a step away from the shelf and towards the register. “What’s the price on your healing potions?”

“The regular one’s fifty gold.”

Ouch. That’s a lot. She definitely doesn’t need to buy a new one right now, she still has a couple.

“And I’m guessing there’s no friend’s discount on these?” She asks, sending him a charming smile.

He seems to hesitate for a moment, looking between her and the potion. Vex smiles again, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. She slinks forward, leaning against the register, almost batting her eyelashes. It’s her usual little performance to get what she wants, and it’s having the desired effect.

Except this is not a usual situation. She shouldn’t be doing this, especially for something she doesn’t need and doesn’t particularly want. She shoves herself back, shaking her head.

“We’ll have time to become friends later,” she shakes her head. “Thank you for letting me know though.”

Whisk frowns a little. “Of course,” he nods. “Anything else I can help you with?”

Vex thinks a little, and goes back to her earlier fascination. “You mentioned tourists. Do they visit the castle?”

The man immediately changes demeanour, a perceptible shift. He tenses, closing off, and seems much more serious than before. The castle seems to be a sore subject.

“They don’t. It’s been deserted for years,” he replied. “All there is to see is ruin and old stone. The entrance was barred years ago.”

Vex raises an eyebrow. That’s definitely unusual. “What happened? Local sovereign was a dick and was deposed?” It wouldn’t be the first city where that happened. Nobles could very easily become tyrants.

“No,” Whisk replies. “The De Rolos were loved,” he shifts again and looks at her. “Do you need anything else?”

That’s a clear ‘please shut up and leave me be’ if Vex has ever seen one. She shakes her head, letting it go. For now, at least. She’ll find people that are more willing to answer her questions later.

“No, thank you. You’ve been incredibly helpful.”

The man nods. “Goodbye.” Without leaving her a second to answer, he turns around and walks back through the beaded curtain.

Vex swallows. Well, that’s definitely what making friends is like. She walks back out, the chime jingling loudly in her ear, and in the silence of the shop. She grabs a coffee on the way back to her truck and drinks it quietly, before getting back on the road.

It’s too early in the day for there to be a traffic jam. She gets home, cares for the bear, works, and tries to not let her mind wander towards the castle again. She has better things to do right now.

Eventually, she stops working and running around.

She lets herself think about it again once she’s sitting at her dinner table. The fire is roaring in the fireplace. It’s already freezing, and it’s only the early evening. The stew is warm and comforting, even if she lacks the spices’ usual bite. She’s trying to save her stash. About two weeks in and she’s already made quite a dent.

This whole story is strange. She remembers some about the De Rolos, from her classes in Syngorn when she was a teenager and still being groomed to make her father proud. They’d been the founders of Whitestone, and the rulers of the area for about two centuries. Two centuries was little to Elves but it meant a lot to humans. They indeed seemed to have been loved by their people, and to have been growing stronger with their trading ties to the rest of Tal’Dorei. Though they had little exports, the timber of the Alabaster Sierras forest was the most important one.

They’d worked hand in hand with the Tal’Dorei Wilderness Conservation organisation to both build the park and preserve nature and the ecosystem of the Alabaster Sierras and provide sufficient forest areas for exploitation and export. It had been a remarkable accord between the TWC and a government, the kind that Vex’ ranger mentors had mentioned many times.

Why didn’t they mention that they were all dead?

Her shoulders feel a little heavy suddenly, the day’s work of marking the trail and talking to some asshole hikers about park safety weighing her down. The thought of these good rulers being all dead isn’t exactly cheerful either. She digs her elbows into the table. She misses home suddenly, home where she doesn’t have to worry about her spices stash lowering or weird massacres.

She hasn’t actually lived in Syngorn properly for a couple of years now, but that’s still what she thinks of when she thinks of home. It’s the tall delicate building backed against the tall wooden tower her father calls his favorite creation. It’s the big bed with the deep green velvet canopy, the chirping birds that almost sound like they’re talking. It’s the greens and fruits and oils and vinegars made of every plant and fruit available. It’s Vax.

Her phone rings. She checks for the caller ID, and it’s Vax. Of course it’s Vax.

“Hey, Stubby. How’s it going”

Vex exhales. Gods, she misses him. Hearing his voice is like drinking water after a long day in the sun. She’s talked to him two days ago, but it never feels like enough.

“Pretty desolate,” she shrugs.

“Must be hard,” Vax points out. “You hate desolate.”

“Not anymore,” she replies, and she swallows a little at all the implications of that, as all of what Vax knows, and all that he doesn’t know. “Would you mind sending me some mango vinegar? And some more of the everyday spices? I’m running low.”

Vax huffs. “And what else is on your grocery list?”

She can almost see him, long dark hair held back with a leather tie, sprawled on the big chairs in the reading room of the building they grew up in, going through the loot of the day’s burglaries and deciding what to keep and what to give away. Vax loves his trinkets more than he likes money, and she’s the exact opposite. Coins are better than a vase that threatens to break. Gold will never betray you.

“Up here they eat a lot of potatoes. You know I can’t handle that without my favorite seasonings,” Vex shrugs.

There’s a silence over the phone for a moment. When he speaks again, he has the voice she hates.

“Promise me I won’t find you shacked up with an asshole again, and I’ll get everything you want from Syngorn to you within a week.”

Vex almost hangs up the call at that. She knows he’s worried, and for very good reasons, but she can’t stand this. She’s not going to make that mistake again, and he doesn’t need to make her promise it. The hurt and anger swells up again inside of her as she thinks back to the look in his eyes when he’d seen how small she made herself around Saundor. She hates that look, Gods.

“I promise,” she whispers anyway. “Don’t worry.”

“It’s my job to worry,” Vax replies. Because no one else will worry for you if I don’t . He doesn’t say it though. He doesn’t need to.

“I wish you were here,” she admits after a beat. She told herself she wouldn’t ask him to come, but… now that she’s on the phone with him.. If he offers, she won't say no. She can’t say no. “But you’d hate it here. It’s not good for thieving.”

Vax laughs. “It might be good for giving, however? Maybe they need a little Syngorn-loving too. I can arrange that.”

“There’s an empty castle. There might still be things, if it hasn’t been looted already,” Vex continues. She pretends she isn’t trying to get him to come. “You could stop in Westrunn… See Gil.”

“I’m a good brother, so I won’t tell him you called him that, or he’ll murder you.”

Vex chuckles. “He can always try.”

Gilmore’s nice. He’s good for Vax, good at helping him canalize his more… disastrous tendencies. Vex isn’t there for him, and she’s glad he has someone to rely on. Especially someone so charming.

“Okay then, Vex,” her brother says, and she knows by his tone that he means it. “It sounds like a good enough vacation. I’ll come. And don’t call me in three days to tell me it’s a bad idea.”

It wouldn’t be a vacation for her, but it would make the work easier. And he would even maybe pick up a pair of shears and help her out with the trail. He’s always liked following her into discoveries, after all.

“Love you, brother. I’ll see you in a few days?”

“Yeah, I’ll let you know. Love you Stubby.” And with that, he hangs up.

It’s been too short a conversation to really satisfy her, but Vex is getting tired. She’s had an exhausting day, after all, and she deserves a good night of rest. She gathers all her things, turns on the radio on the way to the sink. The sound sputters a little and she inches the antenna away from the wall and the stone, towards the open valley. Some band starts playing. It’s… Doctor Dranzel’s band? Something like that.

The lantern is slowly dimming. The warmth of the fire is seeping into her bones. Her hair is mostly dry. Vex does the dishes methodically, letting her mind melt away at the repetitive motions. Her nail scrapes at a piece of food the sponge won’t dislodge from the metal plate.

A wolf howls in the forest. Vex smiles. She breathes out. It’s been a very long time since she’s been afraid of the forests at night.

She falls asleep with a roaring fire in the fireplace, large logs promising to keep her warm all night long. Castle Whitestone looms over her dreams like a threat. Or perhaps, like a promise.

[only-kiwi]

lose you to love me - part 8

inspired by little do you know by alex & sierra.

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

tobi felt like she was always in the studio these days. or writing. or thinking about it. probably because she had a lot on her mind... harry was really fucking with her. unintentionally, of course. but still. she didn’t know what to do. she loved him so much, but she just didn’t want to go through the same thing again. she needed to be sure it was a forever thing.

getting out of the car, tobi spotted harry walking in. she called his name and jogged up to him, giving him a hug. “hey, how was your interview?” she asked as they stood outside, which wasn’t the best idea because she was sure she heard cameras clicking.

“pretty good, yeah. i covered Big Yellow Taxi.”

“no way.” tobi gasped. “that’s my favourite song.”

“i know.” harry smiled, but it slowly faded when he noticed an iPhone camera across the street pointing towards them. “let’s go inside.”

***

“okay so,” tobi started as they sat down, “i have literally like three sentences.”

“show me them.”

tobi opened up her notebook, there were words and sentences and phrases. most of which were scribbled out. harry knew she only did this when there was too much on her mind, she usually liked her notebook to be really neat and tidy. but this... this is was chaotic and he was honestly quite worried. harry looked at what was written down, he took in her words.

‘haunted by the memories’ ‘trying to pick myself up’ ‘you might change your mind’ ‘i forgive you but i can’t forget’

“what do you think? can we figure something out?” tobi seemed really adamant to get this song out.

“yeah, we can definitely work with this.” harry told her. “i just... are you sure you’re okay?”

“i’ve just been thinking a lot and i have all these feelings that i need to get out. i feel like i’ll actually be able to breathe after. because little do you know-“

“-that’s it!”

“what?”

“little do you know.”

“i don’t think i follow....”

“come here,” harry led her inside the booth to the keyboard. he started playing. “how did you feel when we broke up.”

“uhm, i couldn’t sleep for months. i felt broken, i guess. especially after you got with camille. i was struggling and you were just... fine.”

“ok listen....” he then started singing, “little do you know, how i’m breaking while you fall asleep.”

“yeah, i like that.” tobi wrote it down in case they forgot. “keep playing.”

“little do you know, i’m still haunted by the memories. little do you know, i’m tryna pick myself up piece by piece. little do you know, i need a little more time.” tobi sang and harry looked up at her as she stood in front of the keyboard. “harry, you might be a genius.”

“they’re your words, t.” he smiled.

“yeah, but... you always managed to make sense of everything.” harry smiled even wider at had words. there was something about the atmosphere that just felt so good, maybe it was because they weren’t hiding anything. and it felt like a movie with the way harry was playing the piano. “ok how about, ‘underneath it all i’m held captive by the hole inside. i’ve been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind. i’m ready to forgive you, but forgetting is a harder fight. little do you know, i need a little more time’.”

“you just made that up?”

“i guess. but it’s all i’ve got so i’m gonna need you to figure something out.” the pair wrote, then they threw it away. then they wrote again. harry liked the idea of the song sounding like a conversation, similar to ‘what a time’, so that’s what they went with.

tobi watched harry as he played the piano and sang, she let him do his thing and he looked beautiful while doing it. everyone usually sees him going off on a massive stage in front of thousands of people, and while that’s amazing, tobi always loved watching him like this. tears filled her eyes, the way he looked, the way he sounded... she really loved him.

“little do you know, i know you’re hurting while i’m sound asleep. little do you know, all my mistakes are slowly drowning me. little do you know, i’m tryna make it better piece by piece. little do you know, i, i love you til the sun dies.”

tobi couldn’t help herself from letting out the smallest sob. “why are you crying?” harry asked with a small chuckle.

“i don’t know,” she shook her head. “i just wish everything happened differently.”

harry reached up and wiped away his ex girlfriend’s tears and pulled her into his side to comfort her. “me too, baby.”

tobi cried harder, “you haven’t called me that in over a year.”

“i know.”

“you used to call each other that, you and camille. you said it in your songs.”

“it wasn’t the same.” he said softly, looking at her.

“but it was, though. she was your rebound but you fell in love with her. you’d still be with her if she hadn’t gone back to her ex, you know that.” tobi finally looked at him. “i hate to think about it but i can’t help it.”

“she wasn’t you, no one will ever be you.”

“you wrote a whole album about her.”

“not all of it.”

“what?”

“some of the songs are still about you,” harry told her. “falling, sunflower, fine line. there all about you.”

“you said it wasn’t about me.”

“yeah, i know. i guess i just didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” he shrugged. “oh, and to be so lonely is about you too.”

“i kind of figured but i wasn’t too sure about that one. didn’t think you’d write more songs about me after the first album.” tobi looked down at the piano, playing with some of the keys.

“you called me an arrogant son on a bitch when we had that fight.”

“i did,” she giggled, “sorry about that.”

“you were right.”

tobi shrugged, “come on, we have a song to finish.”

*

Liked by harrystyles, arianagrande and 1,893,076 others

tobiskye need a little more time.

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tobifan1 time for WHAT???

tobifan2 lyrics again pls say yes

arianagrande love u so much

tobiskye @/arianagrande love u more i’m coming to see u asap

harryfan1 are her and harry back together???

annetwist You look amazing, T 🤍

tobiskye @/annetwist i miss you!!

Liked by tobiskye, jefezoff and 2,921,673 others

harrystyles I’ll wait.

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harryfan2 WHAT THE FUCKSSJWK

harryfan3 y’all are so obvious

tobiskye ....so that’s where my scrunchie went

harrystyles @/tobiskye yes and I’m keeping it

tobifan3 stfu i love them

harryfan4 you can’t tell me they’re not together again like you just can’t

Liked by harrystyles, annetwist and all 1,824,053 others

tobiskye 🍏

View all 28,438 comments

tobifan4 <3

tobifan5 listening to the apple lyrics and realising it’s about harry omg

harrystyles Favourite song x

tobiskye @/harrystyles love u

harryfan5 get back together!!!

harryfan6 ily both sm

arianagrande bitch the song u sent me is fire

tobiskye @/arianagrande harry did most of it i just sat there and cried

Liked by tobiskye, arianagrande and 2,134,792 others

harrystyles T.S

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harryfan7 she’s so hot how did you go from this to camille

tobiskye i said 👽

harrystyles @/tobiskye you really did

harryfan8 would kill to look like this

tobifan6 CRYING SHE LOOKS SO GOOD

gemmastyles 💘

[idreamofplaid]

Beneath the Smile

Summary: Jared’s struggle with depression bubbles to the surface, and the reader is there to love and support him through it.

Characters: Jared x Reader; Jensen

Word Count: 2119

Warnings: Discussion of depression

A/N: This fic was inspired by an Ask I got from @sandlee44. It takes place at the time of Jared’s Season 3 breakdown. It is, of course, fiction. All the love to Jared always for having the courage to share his personal struggle with so many of us fighting the same battle. 

It was two o’clock in the morning when the phone rang. I reached in the dark for my bedside table and patted my hand over the smooth surface until I found it. When I turned it over, the little screen brought a faint amount of light into the room. Then my eyes focused, and I read the name of the caller. Jensen. I sat straight up, instantly awake now, and pressed the button to answer his call.

“Jensen, what’s wrong? Jared? Is he okay?” My words were spilling out of my mouth at a rate to match the now pounding beat of my heart. 

“He’s okay, Y/N, but I think you should come to Vancouver.” I noticed that his voice was still in the register of Dean deep. At first, I thought that was because of the late hour, but as he kept talking I realized it was because he was exhausted. “I’m at Jared’s apartment now. I came home with him.” My heart sank down to the pit of my stomach. I was terrified of what Jensen was going to say next. “He shouldn’t be alone right now.”

I struggled to find my voice. I had to ask, had to know, and Jensen wasn’t the kind of person to offer up information. The mere fact he’d called me told me just how serious this was, especially considering it was the middle of the night on the east coast where I was. “Tell me what happened, Jensen.”

I could practically hear him thinking, trying to figure out the best way to tell me whatever it was. “Jared had some kind of breakdown.” I grabbed a handful of my comforter and clutched it in my fist. “He was late coming back to set, so I went to his trailer to find him. He...he couldn’t get off the couch. He’d...just...shut down.”

“Why?” It was all I could think to say. My mind was racing, flying back through all the years I had known Jared. I’d been scared something like this was going to happen for a long time. Jared’s struggled with depression went all the way back to high school.

“I don’t know, Y/N. Nothing unusual happened. It’s about what he’s thinking and feeling, but that’s something he should tell you.”

I got off my bed and went to the closet while Jensen talked. My suitcase was on the shelf where I’d put it when I got home from my last trip to Vancouver. “Where is he now?” 

“He’s sleeping. It was a long day.” Jensen paused, and I could tell he was weighing something in his mind. “The producers wanted to shut down production, but Jared wouldn’t. We’re going back to work tomorrow.”

I dropped my suitcase on my bed with a thud and zipped it open. “Jensen, please keep an eye on him. I’m catching the first plane I can tomorrow.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was early October, and the air was filled with a crisp Canadian chill. Jensen had arranged to have a car and driver pick me up at the airport and bring me back to the set. I’d only been there once, but it still seemed familiar to me, probably because I’d pictured it so many times. It was the way I stayed connected to Jared over the months I was falling in love with him from thousands of miles away.

I walked up the steps of the very trailer I’d imagined so many times and opened the door. The inside was neat, but not perfect. That was a good sign; Jared was at least trying. Keeping things tidy was a challenge for him because he had the type of personality that just exploded around you in a sunburst and often he was so wrapped up in that energy that the details of his surroundings didn’t even register with him.

There were throw pillows scattered over the couch. I’d gotten them for him after that first visit because I thought his work space needed a homey touch. I wanted him to be comfortable here. I made my way to the sofa, sat down, and picked up a navy pillow. I hugged it to my chest and remembered the first time Jared brought me here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Year Ago

The smile had barely left Jared’s face since we’d gotten to the lot. He enjoyed being here, and everyone clearly loved him. The hair stylist had winked at me as she settled him in the chair and handed him a pack of gummy worms. “It’s the only thing that keeps him still.” Jared had pulled one of the sugar covered candies from the pack and held it out to me. I’d taken it from him and took a bite. The sugar had quickly covered my tongue, and  the sound of Jared’s laughter caused a smile to bloom on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Present

That seemed like a long time ago at the moment. The rattle of the door pulled me out of my reverie, and I hastily put the pillow back into its place. Jared sighed as he walked through the door, then he saw me. “Y/N.” He scrunched up his face, and the spot at the bridge of his nose wrinkled. “What are you doing here?” He was immersed in the look of Sam Winchester from head to toe, complete with all the layers, but he was still every bit my Jared. My Jared, full of sunshine and the darkness that tore at him.

I chose my words carefully. “I thought you might like to have me here, and...I wanted to be with you. Jared took off Sam’s jacket and dropped it on the counter. We were going to talk about it eventually, so I might as well say it. “Jensen called me.”

Jared had unbuttoned his cuff and was rolling up the sleeve. He stopped when he got to his elbow and hesitated before moving on to the other side. “He did?” Jared lifted his eyes to glance at me, his hand was on his sleeve motionless. “What did he say?”

I didn’t want to make Jared uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop staring at him. The love I felt for him had guided my every move these past few months. I was actively engaged in trying to make myself a better person for him. He inspired me like that, and he didn’t have any idea.

“He told me you had a hard day, but he didn’t give me any details.” Jared didn’t answer, and I stayed quiet too. He walked over to the couch and sat down on the other end, then he leaned back and stretched his arm out across the back. He wasn’t making eye contact, but he shrugged and started to talk.

“I don’t know what happened. Shooting was going great. We were taking a scheduled break, and I came back here. I planned to unwind for a few minutes, listen to some music, but when I got here something just kind of came over me.” Jared lifted his arm and ran his hand through his hair. “I just started thinking I don’t belong here.” I saw him swallow, and I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew it was important to let him talk. “Look at this.” His head turned, scanning the trailer. “I’m a lead on a TV show. I’m not that good. There are so many actors better than me. There are people who hate me because of what I have, and there are people who want to be my friend because of it, because of what they think I can do for them.”

Jared tipped his head back, resting it on the back of the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “There’s just so much pressure. What if I can’t keep this up. I’m cracking, Y/N.” He turned his head to look at me without lifting it. “I sat here on this couch, and I couldn’t move. I was scared if I went out there, everyone would know. They’d know I’m fake, that I’m not really what they think I am at all, and I can’t do this.”

Jared abruptly lifted his head and stood. His back was to me as he continued. “How’d I get here? I got lucky. That’s all. I’ve always been too skinny. My hair just does whatever it feels like. I have too many moles that have to be airbrushed and covered with makeup. I can’t cry when the script says to do it. It always looks forced, and then after I can’t stop crying because I couldn’t cry.”

He turned, ran his hand through his hair again and then down over his face. “I want to be good at this. I want to be an actor, but there’s so much of this that isn’t acting. Image. I don’t want to hear that word anymore. I’ve got all these people telling me who to be and what to say in interviews. They tell me how to dress.”

Jared took a deep breath. “There’s so much pressure. Kripke told Jensen and me at the very beginning that this whole thing is riding on us. If it fails, it’ll be because of me, Y/N. What would PR do if this got out? How would that look? I had a breakdown on set. I couldn’t take it, Y/N.”

It was time to say something. “Jared, come sit with me.” This time when he sat down, it was beside me. I took his hand in mine, so big, so strong but soft. “Jared, you have a very special gift. Acting is part of it, but it’s not the most important part. You know how to connect to people.” It was true. That was what had drawn me to him in high school. Jared circulated outside cliques; he actually saw people.

I scooted closer to him. “The world doesn’t always appreciate that. It wants to put us all in a shiny box, and you resist that.” I slipped my free hand into his hair and combed my fingers through the soft locks that he thought were so problematic. “You keep hold of what’s real about you, no matter how many cameras and lights they put in your face. Your heart is kind; that’s why I love you.” 

Tears formed in his eyes, and they threatened to fall. “I don’t deserve any of this, Y/N. I’m not worth it. I’m not who they think I am.”

I pulled my hand from his hair and let it rest on his cheek. “It doesn’t matter who they think you are. It matters what you know, and you’ll figure it out.”

A single tear slipped down Jared’s cheek, and he nodded silently. Then he wrapped his arms around me and held on. “I love you, Jared.” I rubbed my hand up and down his back. “You don’t have to be anything for anybody. Just you.”

After a few minutes, he pulled back and began to try to compose himself. “Jared, you don’t have to put on a face for me. I want you just the way you are.”

I fed him, using the ingredients in the fridge to make a sandwich. When Jared got like this, he tended to stop eating. It wasn’t time just yet to talk about finding him a therapist, but we would have that conversation before I left Vancouver. Right now, the focus was to take care of him by keeping him hydrated, nourished, and feeling safe, feeling loved. With this last in mind, I asked him. “Do you want to lie down with me?”

He bit his lip, and it would have been cute if my heart didn’t hurt for him. “Yeah. I’d like that.” I led him to the bed at the back of the trailer. Jared unbuttoned his top shirt and took it off, followed by toeing off his shoes. He took off everything else, leaving him in his t-shirt and boxer briefs. I made my way to the little closet in the corner and found one of his shirts I could wear, then went back to the bed where I found Jared under the covers.

I climbed in next to him, and he pulled me close. There was no sex; this was more basic, more intimate. Jared eased his hand beneath his shirt where he could feel the warmth of my skin. We stayed wrapped in each other like that, and I gave him the comfort he needed until he fell asleep. I would make sure he got the rest he needed too, and when he woke up; I would still be there to love and support him. 

Everything Forever: @gambitwinchester @princessmisery666 @onethirstyunicorn @peridottea91 @logical-princey @emilyshurley @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @fangirlxwritesx67 @waywardbaby @atc74 @ledzeppelinsbonzo @shaniquacynthia @mariekoukie6661 @tumbler-tidbits @67-chevy-baby @fandom-princess-forevermore @terrarium-jpeg @emoryhemsworth @crashdevlin @heycasbutt @jules-1999 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @cosicas-cuquis @sammyimpala-67 @queenoftheunderdark @dean-winchesters-bacon @mrs-meghan-winchester @timelordy-fangirl2 @sweetness47 @hobby27 @awesomesusiebstuff @kickingitwithkirk @gh0stgurl @becs-bunker @sandlee44 @supernaturalgrandma @lonewolf471 @sea040561 @dawnie1988 @maddiepants @volleyballer519 @outcastedangel @iknowwheremytowelis @kdfrqqg @lizette50 @daisymoder72 @sorenmarie87 @oldfreakything

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