#which I get tho bc who likes to be sad constantly when it comes to comfort reading!!!!!

[crybaby-bkg]

sadly and soggily thinking about dating gojo and being so deep in the relationship, that you think you two were made for each other. two peas in a pod, two halves of a whole, two severed souls connecting once more. so perfect for each other that you don’t even think about mentioning marriage and kids, convinced that you guys are already on the same page.

all until it comes up in conversation and things aren’t as perfect as you thought they were. marriage—yes, absolutely, gojo is ecstatic about tying the knot, giving you the wedding of your dreams, calling you his for the rest of you guys’ lives.

but….kids? he’s thought about it and the answer has always been a clear no in his mind. he couldn’t even dream of bringing another him into the universe, fears that it might throw off the balance of the world. that he can’t exist if his child does, but why exist at all if his child’s lesser abilities will only result in them being shunned? of being told how much of a disappointment they are? of being isolated?

and sadly, it’s a breaking point for you. you just wanted one, at least, with your forever partner. and if he can’t give it to you, then he must not be the one for you. you didn’t wanna trap gojo or coerce or manipulate him into giving you the baby you always so selfishly desired, so you leave him.

and how broken does it make him. makes him resent a baby never even conceived or planted, makes him hate what used to be and would have never been.

but…it also makes him think. if his fears would come true, if his hesitance is justified. would he be able to go long lengths to protect his baby? to protect you? would that target his whole family having a weak spot? and is it…is it even worth it at all?

[skunkg1rll]

.

[mikesigninspection]

I wanted to tell yall my opinion on "who would Mike first come out to".

Okay so I suspect that it might be El, Nancy or Karen. The reason why I choose these 3 is bc I feel like anyone else would make that coming out scene feel "too warm" (for exp. if he came out to Joyce).

Now ofc I believe that Mike will come out to Will during the confession but I feel like we need more, colder one? I am not saying that I need Mike to be unaccepted by anyone (thought that would be interesting to watch cause then they would show both sides of coming out) I am saying that I feel like if he comes out to these characters specifically, the whole scene is gonna feel more sad ( the vibe of it). Like when they do that blue/dark sort of coloring to express that this scene is supposed to make audience more sad than happy. It's hard to explain.

Alright.

El

If MIke comes out to El, it would be on accident. It would probably happen in the middle of a fight where he would spill it out and El would be shocked. Tho, she wouldn't be very confused and surprised (at least from my point of view.) She probably caught up with Mike and Will's problems and she could see the reason for it but she is still not so sure or she is in denial. I just feel like she wouldn't be all that happy, she would prob. ask him to leave her to think abt this but would be very understanding at the end.

Nancy

Now this is a different story. This is where he would come out when he prepared himself. Why do I feel like Nancy is one of those people? Not just bc she is his sister so it would make sense but smt else. Something about how they see each other.

Now, we all know that siblings fight constantly. Well most of siblings. And it isn't because they hate each other or something, it's mostly just siblings thing.

Ofc, Mike and Nancy also fight like other siblings do. However, their relationship is not the best. They often don't talk with each other. Hell, they would rather get hit by a car than talk about their feelings with each other like Jonathan and Will do.

So why do I believe that Nancy would be a good option?

It is simple. I believe that Mike thinks that Nancy is pretty neutral abt stuff. Maybe he thinks that she won't even care? He probably believes that her reaction to this wouldn't impact him that much since they don't talk. But there is also a part of him that hopes that she will understand and so is probably scared.

I feel like they might try to act like Will and Jonathan which is why they will try to talk to each other. Who knows?

Karen

So we know how Karen wishes that her kids talk with her( like deep talks)? She has been waiting for that for a long time now. Mike coming out to her would be a thing that would fulfill her wish. And her reassurance would mean the world to him. It would make him braver and more emotionally stronger which will make Vecna's plan harder to proceed.

One thing that makes me believe in this theory is her talk with him in s1. If you are a straight viewer you may catch this message harder but if you are a queer person, you would notice.

Karen talking about how Mike doesn't have to hide anything from her, how he can tell her anything doesn't apply to Mike being upset abt Will going missing. It also doesn't apply to El bc she didn't know abt her yet.

Others know that Mike and Will's relationship is different from the others. However, not all of them think it has to do with romance. But Karen does. She can see the difference between how Mike acts with Will versus how he is with Lucas and Dustin.

Her speech in that episode means so much to queer community bc it represents a parent who is reassuring their closeted kid that no matter who they love, they are gonna stay and love their kid the same. And if they also have a hard time accepting it themselves, their parent is there to help them.

That is that.

[golbrocklovely]

So we cant have an opinion? Ok..if you think calling us names just because we have an opinion is okay, then its weird. We say what we think about the drama and about the things they do. Also its very sad that youre protecting m and still throwing shade at shea even tho m isnt any fucking better. I dont understand you why you hate on stas and shea and not on m, she isnt ANY BETTER. Some of you should know that every person can have a different opinion. Okay bye

the inconsistencies in yalls arguments are FASCINATING to me lmao

if i'm weird for calling you guys names, what exactly are you for constantly shitting on colby and calling him a manwhore, trash, fuck boi ect???? what about all the terrible things you say about m??

also… what drama is there to be had? m posted a picture. how is that drama? it's only drama bc you guys have such vitriol for her that you need to find any and all reasons to hate her. same thing goes for k.

and if we are really gonna bring up shea and stas - let's get one thing straight. for all the reasons i don't like either of those girls, NONE of those reasons are bc of how they look. but that seems to be the SOUL reason yall don't like m.

or maybe the only reason yall comment on her looks so much is bc you know NOTHING about her and don't really have anything else to add to the conversation besides "m has fake boobs".

as for shea and stas, first off, i don't even care about stas anymore. she's off doing whatever she wants. i spent months on here defending her until i couldn't anymore. and then there was a period of time i didn't care for her and what she did, which was basically try to make every fan think her and colby had a thing going on while he was literally taking another girl on dates. but at this point i don't give a fuck about her. she's gone and is the least of my concerns.

but shea…. i have literally given LISTS as to all of the reasons i don't like her. bc she has actually done questionable things for years. and especially now - with all of her livestreams consistently bringing up colby, she can't even keep her own story straight as to what went on between the two of them. she lies bc she wants to look like the victim. that's not to say that colby probably didn't do her wrong at some point. i ain't saying he's a saint. but there does come a point where if you're gonna air out all of his dirty laundry, shit that we as fans shouldn't know about at all, that he came to you IN CONFIDENCE with, but claim you're the victim in all of this….. you've lost the plot entirely.

and you know why i can say m is better than both of them? she isn't in group chats with fans telling every little bit of info she can about colby. shea and stas can't say that.

see yall mistake me being nice towards m and k as me liking them. i don't like them. i don't CARE about them. and i also understand that i know nothing about them, which is something yall can't say. you think bc you hate watch everything they post that somehow you know everything about them when reality is you know nothing. at all.

but sure, m is exactly like shea and stas. if you honestly feel that way, i want you and your little friends to confidently say that shea and stas are also clout chaser that just used colby to get ahead in their careers and are also plastic bags bc they too have had work done. i will gladly cosign that if yall do it. but i'm not gonna hold my breath bc i know yall ain't gonna do it lmao

and i'm not stopping you from having your opinion. you guys loudly go on twitter day in and day out and complain about m and colby and call them every name under the sun. no one is stopping you. but you know, you're right. we are allowed to have different opinions. and wouldn't you believe it, this is me having a different opinion than you.

you think m is gross for having fake boobs and an onlyfans and colby is a manwhore. i think you guys are terrible, insecure fans who need to grow up and stop acting like children all the time throwing a hissyfit over their crush not liking them back and dating the popular girl instead. your insults are low and also not creative in the slightest. you spend every waking moment being miserable in a fandom you claim to enjoy being in, yet literally hate 1/2 of the content creators in it. you hate watch two girls you don't like whatsoever, essentially wasting your time so you can raise your blood pressure, just to run to twitter and get in your little gcs and bitch about the girls that wouldn't and don't give you the time of day. you're basically a fan of them bc of how much time you spend thinking about them, talking about them, theorizing about them, ect bc genuinely when do you guys even log off or think about something else? i don't even think most of you have a job, a, bc you're mostly really young (which already explains so much) and b, bc you clearly have a lot of free time on your hands. i genuinely hope you and your friends find a better avenue to put your anger to use rather than just complaining about snc and their gfs all day. you live a miserable life, and i hope that changes for you. and if not, kick rocks with open toe shoes.

okay, bye :) and genuinely don't come back lol

[gayforrenee]

My ratings on how emotional some of my favorite EAH duos would make me if they played marbles (the thing from Squid Game!!!) (also I just kind of want to give everyone my take on how I think it would all happen and who would die)

Before I go any further, mb for just dipping on y'all. I just left the EAH fandom and then got back into it. And I actually HAVE started writing All I Want again (weird that it was so sudden but whatever)

This is from the least emotional (still cry-worthy fs tho) to the most emotional (literally screaming and sobbing). 1 and 2 are actually tied because I couldn't decide which was worse. I struggled rlly bad on some of these so just because I put one higher doesn't mean I wouldn't fucking lose my mind for the lower one

8. Daring/Rosabella

Y'all. I'm sorry. I do love them. Don't get me wrong. They're just at the bottom. They were actually the only duo that I was even close to being sure about. I genuinely like them and if they had to play, I would be shedding tears. I feel like a lot of people would instantly go for Rosabella because of her like savior type of attitude sometimes, but I'm gonna be fr with y'all. I think Daring would actually lose. I think he would find a way around letting her lose. I know he's made out to be selfish sm, but then in the last season he kind of has that redemption arc and I actually start to like him. I think that Rosabella would try to fool him into winning, but he would possibly see through her playing with him and end up ultimately losing. It would definitely be emotional, but I feel like he would take it bravely. That might not be quite the right word, but I can't think of another good one rn so whatever.

Survivor: Rosabella

7. Darling/Daring

I KNOW. COME AT ME. This one would definitely be rough. The first thing I thought of when I saw this was that Daring would try to be the brother in the situation. He would try to protect, but I think he would fail. Darling can do anything she puts her mind to, and if she really wanted herself to lose, she would make it happen. That's just the tea y'all. I feel like there would be a moment where it looks like Daring's going to lose, and then Darling swoops in and takes that spot right out from under him. I think he would be really hurt, and I think he would feel a lot of guilt afterwards because he let that happen to his sister. There's a possibility that it could be him instead of her, which would take the path of him acting like the brother and taking the fall for her, but I just feel like she would end up losing.

Survivor: Daring

6. Cupid/Blondie

People don't talk about this ship enough, so I'm going to. Anyway, I love them. I think they're adorable and would've made a great couple. Thinking about them playing the marble game makes me want to kms bc I think it would constantly be them going back and forth and trying to get the other to take their marbles. I think Blondie would eventually convince Cupid that she needs to lose and not Cupid, and despite Cupid trying to beg her not to, Blondie lets Cupid take her marbles and she loses. It would honestly be hard to watch even though I have it at six. I would for sure cry a lot, and it would be really heartfelt. They're both just so soft when you take away their sassy and sarcastic moments. One of my favorite underrated ships.

Survivor: Cupid

5. Holly/Poppy

Just want to say how much I love these two. I love their personalities and just everything about them. I do feel like both would try to save the other. Again, it would be a back and forth battle between who's going to lose. I think that Poppy would end up being the one to lose. Holly would just give up because she sees that she's getting nowhere with Poppy. It would be extremely bittersweet and she would be nonstop crying. She would try to reason with her, but it wouldn't work. Poppy would be determined to let Holly live, so she would let herself lose.

Survivor: Holly

A/N: Here's the good shit y'all. Everyone is going to fucking HATE me. I'm so sorry in advance. My imagination really said fuck you once I got to like 3.

4. Apple/Raven

...

So. I feel like it would be giving Dragon Games LMFAO. No bc like it would be super angsty and sad. They would be fighting for each other to survive until the very end. There would be a lot of tears and a lot of just meltdowns over it. Despite the whole thing about how Raven is portrayed as the more selfless one in the friendship, I'm just gonna say it rn. Apple stopped being selfish (... only partially because she DID get herself killed to save Raven which only hurt her more but it's fine)

APPLE LOST.

She definitely lost. Raven didn't see it coming, and it just happened. Apple accepted it and that was it. Raven definitely walked away from this with guilt for the rest of her life. She would never be the same. I think she would always feel like a part of her was missing.

Survivor: Raven

3. Darling/Apple

I'll just start by saying that Apple dies. I'll explain why. LET ME EXPLAIN. PLEASE.

My take on this is, of course, that Darling loves Apple more than she will ever realize (literally no fucking shit). Everyone is made to believe that Darling is going to be the one who loses. Even Apple believes this. It makes sense that Darling would be the one to die. She's the knight in the relationship. Literally. Anyway, it just makes sense. How she is would just make complete sense. You're made to think that in the end, it's going to be Darling. It almost is. Apple really has her mind set on it being herself, but she just has a feeling that it'll be Darling. She thinks that Darling is going to find a way to lose her marbles. Then they start to get close to the end, and it clicks in Apple's mind that she can't let Darling die. She refuses to let her go. So she does what any good girlfriend would do.

Apple lets Darling get all of her marbles before Darling even realizes what Apple was doing. The minute that Darling has Apple's last marble, she just stares at her. I think she would silent cry and Apple would try to be optimistic. It would be so fucking emotional. I don't know how well I would handle it.

Survivor: Darling

2. Maddie/Raven

Banging my head against a wall because the way I would cry. I feel like everyone knows who would die. Let's just be fr. It's Maddie. Y'all can come at me, but it's Maddie. I know she's like goofy and crazy most of the time, but when it comes down to it, she absolutely loves her friends to the ends of the universe. She would do anything for them. I love her relationship with Raven, and I feel like going into it, Raven would already know that Maddie was going to lose. She would try to deny it, but she would already know. It would be gut feeling that she couldn't shake. She would try to draw the game out so that she had more time with Maddie, but it wouldn't matter because Maddie was going to die sooner or later. I think Maddie would be cracking jokes and trying to make Raven smile until she was finally killed. She would definitely know as well from the beginning that she would be the one. It wouldn't be that Raven didn't want to do it, because she really did, it would just be that Maddie felt like it should be her. Maddie wanted to let Raven live even if meant that she couldn't. This would make me bawl fr.

Survivor: Raven

2. Kitty/Lizzie

I actually just put this one on the list of ships to do, so here we go. This would be super fucking angsty. Both of them love each other a lot and don't want to watch the other one die. They know that one of them will have to die, but they want it to be themselves. It would be horrible to watch because I feel like, and don't get mad because I actually struggled to think about who would die, it would be Lizzie who lost. I can see it being Kitty. I definitely can, BUT, there's just something that makes me believe that it would truly be Lizzie in the end. I think both of them would hold it together for the most part until the end. Kitty would finally win and completely lose her shit. Lizzie would accept her fate but continuously apologize to Kitty for letting this happen. I think Kitty would tell her "it's okay" and just try to make her feel not guilty. Kitty wouldn't come out of this okay at all. I feel like she would actually go insane after watching the love of her life die.

Survivor: Kitty

A/N: GOD I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THESE LAST TWO. I love y'all but here comes, in my opinion, the ones that would make me want to break shit and kms. They're the full-on mental breakdown ones.

Ashlynn/Briar

I'll start this one by apologizing because I'm going to be dead serious right now. I would literally have a meltdown over this. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Their friendship is wholesome and they love each other so much that it hurts. And for the love of FUCKING GOD I AM SO SORRY BUT ASHLYNN LOSES.

I'm leaving that there.

This one is bad. It's definitely a lot of crying and "I love you's" because who doesn't lose playing a game where one of you has to die and the other has to live with that guilt for the rest of their (very possibly short) life. Briar definitely goes into the game convinced that she's going to do it. She prepares herself the entire time. She loses her mojo a few times because she feels bad that Ashlynn is crying so much and is just an emotional mess. It just reminds her of how Ashlynn would be if Briar actually lost. This one would be hard to watch. I think there would just be constant crying on both sides if I'm being completely honest. I think that everyone would seriously think it's Briar, and then you realize that it's going to be Ashlynn. There would be that moment of "wait, what the fuck did she just do?" It would be gut-churning honestly. Ashlynn was honestly always too nice, and this would be the moment when she needed to not be. Briar would tell her she needed to just let her lose so Ashlynn could walk away from this, but Ashlynn wouldn't want that. I think the second that Briar realized that it wasn't going to be her that lost, she would try to push herself harder to get rid of her marbles. In the end, it would be Ashlynn that got killed. Briar would take it really hard and she would struggle afterwards with the death of her best friend.

Survivor: Briar

A/N: ON GOD THE ONE I'VE BEEN WAITING TO TELL EVERYONE BECAUSE I WANT TO CRY RN THINKING ABT IT

Briar/Faybelle

Shaking. Crying. Screaming. Throwing up. Sobbing.

This would be really bad.

Absolutely fucking horrible to watch.

Writing the part of how this happens, I'm still unsure as to who I'm going to go with on losing, so we'll see as I keep going.

God, this is fucking hard. I can imagine it and I don't want to. It would be super angsty. Like screaming and fighting. A lot of crying. I know Faybelle normally hides all of her emotions on the show and whatever, but this would be that time that she just lets go. Going into the game, they both wanted themselves to die. It's hard to think about because on one hand, you have Briar who is the more soft one in the relationship and wants to let Faybelle survive because she loves her, but then you have Faybelle who feels guilty about how she's treated Briar in the past and she doesn't believe at all that she can continue her life without Briar. It's mostly the latter, but those are just two major points. I think that the idea of the other dying would be the fuel for wanting to lose their own marbles. They would be going back and forth the whole time. I just feel like the angst would be what hurts everyone. It would be so much screaming and crying of how they can't live without the other. We would also see a side of Faybelle that's never even been grazed, and I think that would hurt even more because the fact that Faybelle would let herself act so desperate and be so vulnerable would be an eye-opener. It would be like "oh shit, Faybelle actually fucking loves Briar and literally is about to let herself die just so she can survive." And then you have everything from Briar's pov which is "I can't live without Faybelle so I'm going to lose and she'll learn to live without me. She'll be okay." Both would have similar outlooks on it, but in the end, I genuinely believe that both would die.

Briar would let herself lose first and Faybelle would just fucking lose her mind completely. I think Faybelle would literally be on her knees and begging them to just kill her. If they didn't, she would find a way to do it herself because she can't live without Briar.

Very sob-worthy if you ask me.

Anyway, they both die. End of story. Not really but I don't want to actually write something abt this bc I would cry before I even got one paragraph in

Survivor: Neither bc I'm a bitch

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 66: Holy Palace's Aladdin

It almost feels weird to return to Aladdin right now

Weird thingies

Idk, just that giant head is kinda silly

Also, damn, Aladdin's wobbly legs

Nvm, they aren't Schehe's clones. But it still confuses me a little, cuz I feel like it's sort of implied later on that they are? But I might be misremembering thing - I'll comment on it when I get to the Magnostadt Arc. For now it's just a bit ?? Like, it's a real possibility Ohtaka didn't plan that far ahead yet.

You look really sad about it for a guy who nearly murdered him in blind rage

Ok, to be fair, I can imagine him feeling bad about it after calming down. Still, weird choice to want to explain Alma Torran to Judar instead of, idk, Yunan for example. I feel like it would have made the whole dying-and-coming-back-over-and-over-again a little more bearable. To actually know the point of that. Bc when Aladdin and Yunan talk, Yunan admits that Ugo'd never explained anything, and in that form (the blob, probably) form he couldn't ask. So. That fucking sucked.

Anyway. Giving Solomon's Wisdom to Judar? Really? I think you're putting too much faith in that guy.

F

I... forgot that's what happened. I remembered they were the same guy, but that magic turning into one? Tbh, cool.

Pretty!

Hello there, characters nobody cares about, least of all Ohtaka

Don't worry, grls, I've got u.

Look at this annoyed Alibaba, lmao

F A T E

I mean, I jest, but it's pretty cool. Fate is one of Magi's main themes, that for sure, and to have it explained the way it is, I think it really works.

Black Sun

Honestly, I just love it being explained like that. Things becoming inverted, distorted.

Idk man, there's not much I think I can say about it. The explanation is solid on its own, and it's pretty damn cool.

Tho later Ohtaka will come and try to convince us that maybe falling isn't so bad after, yeah, sure, all these brainwashed people are a good proof of that...

That's... yeah. I was thinking about it lately, cuz I was thinking about the Kou Empire Arc.

Maybe that entire becoming more powerful god than the other guy then that guy becoming more powerful than you and then you becoming more powerful than him... etc didn't come out of nowhere here, bc Hakuryuu's falling feels kind of like that. Abra is fallen, so she works against fate, so she fucked up the fate for Hakuryuu, who then proceeded to, idk, +2 to that by also falling, and, since he's not returning things to the actual fate's course, he just makes even bigger of a mess... Which is ironic as fuck. He tried to destroy Al-Thamen by literally doing what they wanted to - sowing more chaos and disasters all around, which at worst could have led the world to an end (given Judar could cause Il Illah to descend, apparently). Idk man, put some make up on to the clown music, you fucking moron.

Like, don't get me wrong, I like Hakuryuu for the most part, but Jesus Fuck he's an idiot. This is why he's constantly painted as immature. Because he fucking is immature. He never thinks things through, has no patience to speak of once he snaps, and ends up just making everything worse for everybody and himself, and wakes up with a hand in the pot, because turns out he has no idea how to handle the aftermath of his stupidass choices, because he was too busy fucking up people's minds to consider what happens after the war.

Ok rant over.

Foreshadowing

(soon) RIP Alibaba

Honestly, that's such a cool moment.

It kind of looks cute

Idk man, awesome moment all around. The fact that all of these blobs are helping him up is really cute, too

That crying Aladdin : (

Also, not gonna lie, this feels like the theme of this arc, among other things. And I'll definitely talk about it more. It's about losing the people you love, but at the same time meeting new ones, too. Of course they won't replace them, but the point is simply you're not alone.

;;;

Honestly, it just looks aweosme

[dayurno]

more than a woman is the ultimate kevin day song to me……. im so glad you agree…… i knew you would understand. i was listening to that playlist the other day and realized i HADNT added it yet and it felt like an oversight so i had to fix it immediately. it was very important to me the whole playlist wasn’t sad. i stsrted my kevin playlist in the height of me losing my mind about him last year in july (i read the books for the first time at the end of may!) but it only made me crazier so i held off making the jean one until november LOL. his is def a little more sad but i think a good portion of the songs are hopeful :-) and YEAH jean is soooo hozier to me. i gave myself a limit on how many hozier songs i could add. it will probably be broken eventually

UR PINTEREST BOARD that fic is going to kill me. im so excited every time you share something about it…. the dynamics seem so fun ^-^ also the richard siken tweet in there Took me Out. i own and have read crush by him so many times like it’s such a big part of who i am and relating that to kerejean makes me. sbdjebx. sweating. nauseous. so excited. the vibes are so good, it feels very nostalgic and warm already….. btw your jean playlist hit me over the head and gave me a.Concussion. i wanna get better???!?! under the table???? OOM SHA LA LA? that song changed my brain chemistry like three years ago and im going to associate it with him forever now. your kevjean playlist being so long is so very real too….. i need to sit down and listen to the full nine hours of it.

DBSIDBSID. the kandrew beef is Personal and it’s so funny. i am working on making them get closer it just takes a lot of time bc andrew simply does not like to stick around. he comes to a sort of truce with them at some point, mostly after he and jean have a Talk alone, but he still doesn’t like kevin for a while. there IS side andreil tho…. neil is 26 :3 he comes to visit kevjean in paris for a bit and immediately causes problems. but the problems help them get their shit together so it’s fine! andrew is of course intrigued. most of it happens in the background tho bc they like to disappear together…… but neil actually ends up in foster care and gets adopted by wymack when he’s around 13, which is around the same age andrew is adopted and meets jeremy, so they understand each other still :) they do a lot of sneaking around and do not want their relationship perceived at all vs jeremy knox head of the PDA committee and very happy for his own friend finding love.

the biting…….. jeremy falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but he does suffer from the most intense feelings of love anyone has ever felt and will latch on like a dog and not let go sometimes. it really depends on his mood and what they’re doing how hard he bites ^-^ jean almost never complains but kevin always does. as is how they are. and they really both love attacking kevin. sitting there biting at his neck and shoulders and jean in particular likes gnawing on the wrist bone. jeremy is only a few inches shorter than kevin but will not hesitate to push him around….. dreamy sigh. at first he’s very nervous about overstepping Anything around either of them but once he knows that they actually like him he becomes such a menace. it’s his life’s duty to make kevin day, his childhood celebrity crush, a little embarrassed and whiny. both he and jean are soooo happy to tease kevin and kevin complains constantly about being ganged up on. jeremy is actually still IN college too, he turns 23 toward the beginning of the fic (i. hc him as a cancer!) and he and andrew have their fifth year to get through so he’s really just some college kid nibbling on and picking on them and taking over their apartment. trust that jean gets teased too he wouldn’t want anyone left out!

JEANFO….. jean….. my apple strudel….. there is so much i could say about him but it feels hard to do him justice…… he really is so special. he’s a little more healed of course bc he’s 28 and has always had kevin keeping contact with him. kevin got out at 14 so jean was there for 6 years without him and it’s really. it’s not a good time for him. but kevin refuses to lose contact and even sneaks across state lines to see him at 16 when he gets his license (with 14yo neil). jean has always had something to hold onto and live for. so jean is doing okay……. he still struggles and he’s very stubborn so he would rather AVOID things and kevin isn’t the kind of person who’s going to push him to face them (kevin has his own things to avoid) but he gets a good push from jeremy. and he LOVESSSS keremy. it’s one of his greatest joys that the two people he loves most care about each other the way they do. he’s so obsessed with them and so excited to show them off when they get together with friends. he’s really a little bit of a clingy freak :-) ESPECIALLY if he gets drunk. he’s a very needy drunk and if someone doesn’t kiss him (or if he doesn’t get to bite) his whole night is ruined and they certainly can’t have that. he learns quickly he cannot keep up with jeremy Party Boy knox tho. he’s a silly guy <3 sooo bitchy to everyone outside of his boyfriends but tender with them…. they’re trusted with his girlish little heart. i could talk about him for ages but i fear tumblr will cut me off LOL our responses to each other are getting so long like we’re writing letters by candlelight to be sent post-haste…..

HELLO MY LOVE im sorry for the late reply my pc was out of commission and answering asks on mobile is terrible but i am back now as your penpal. I LOVED MORE THAN A WOMAN OFC i understand i think i've had so many kevin day playlists since i first read aftg in 2020 (which feels like such a lifetime ago!), so i try not to keep too much track of them and not to take them or myself too seriously either. in a way all the playlists i've made have been an abstract of my life at the time of making so i want to preserve them that way! which is why my kandrew playlist is 6 hours long. because i am preserving.

THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY PINBOARD i wanted this fic most of all to be an ode to friendship. in kandreil i think theres so much history and tension there that sometimes it's easy to forget that there are other reasons people can stay together, so i wanted to write a kerejean where they felt like they were genuinely friends before it ever started careening into romance!!!! i think it's working. Probably. it's a very joyful and warm fic (or at least i hope it is) and i've been having a lot of fun with dialogue specifically because so much of friendship is just talking! anyway ah i have to stop myself before i spoil anything so just know it's going to be fun. hopefully. and there's a scene where jean calls kevin the first flower of edgar allen (direct rip off from tlt but bear with me)

I LOVE THEM BOTH TEASING KEVIN!!!! is there anything more genuine than teasing your crush together.......... that's the kind of thing i live 4 in relationship dynamics................ ohhh i just know this fic will get me so bad if it ever sees the light of day (heh).... ALSO HE'S STILL IN COLLEGE KEVINNNNNNNNNNN kevin youre letting a man still in college boss you around youve been better and more dignified endings. AND I LOVE DRUNK JEAN THANK YOU especially needy aiyayayaya..... my favorite senseless hc is that jean is a lightweight and he cant keep up with neither jeremy nor kevin nor renee. he's drunk off of one glass while the other three compete to see who can get liver failure first. he has been consistently getting drinked under the table by kevin for years. our beautiful apple strudel....... our little cabbage as the french say. :-)

i hope my candlelight letter reaches YOU post-haste and ofc im sorry for the wait!

[shithead-123]

Kotlc collecting habits Pt.1

Basically what I think various kotlc characters (mostly the kids) would collect. other than prattles pins bc we all know everyone collects those so.

this is inspired by my own habits of picking random shit up and stuffing it in my closet.

Sophie: she doesn't rlly have the time to like exclusively go out and collect things she wants. I think she's rlly causal act what she keeps. if she see's a pretty rock? yoink. some nice smelling flowers? she'll pluck a few to maybe sundry when she's not busy saving the world lmao. I do think she would collect garden gnomes tho. Bc of mr. forkle's human house having the gnomes (the most weird or scary looking ones ofc, shoppes a weirdo 100%). It reminds her or her human past, and it also srsly weirds out like everyone who comes Havenfield which is is plus. Like just imagine a whole line of creepy ass gnomes lined up right outside havenfields entrance. She names them all too. they all human names ofc ofc. like bob. and carl. and other such things.

Keefe: I think he collects things based off of ppl if you know what I mean. Like he see's a bottle caps that reminds him of Sophie's exact eye color and adds it to his Sophie collection. Or if he see's like idk a purple rock that reminds him of like that one time Biana painted his nails the most vibrant and gaudy purple color she had, he adds it to his collection of things that remind him of Biana. maybe he adds little pieces of art he did for each person he collects stuff for. idk. Omg and maybe someday like he has all these collections and like the gang happens to fid out, and they start going through that shit. Keefe's so embarrassed and low-key scared they'll be mad, but they all love it. Fitz finally reunites with his long lost Bramble Jersey! Keefe immediately steals it back tho dw. he's such a people person fr. Especially bc of his empathy. He doesn't have collections for his parents. He used to for Gisela but when she was revealed to be a part of the never seen he showed her's into some dark corner of the house and hasn't looked back.

Biana: ikkkk ppl are gonna say that she collects hair pins and like jewelry and makeup and other stuff like that. And she does, She has an entire closet dedicated to dresses and shoes she has over the year. Like this is canonical. But her most prized and valued collection, is her stick collection. She has so many sticks. She has such stick fight vibes. She used to beat Keefe and fitz up with them. She organizes them by height. She lovingly pets them all. No one is allowed to touch her sticks. Biana = stick girl. One time when the gang was like idk practicing fighting with their bodyguards, she found the biggest most beautiful stick ever and literally screamed. No one knew why Biana, the girliest of girlies (said lovingly ily Biana) was so worked up over a stick. It's ok Biana, sticks r amazing fr.

Dex: I feel like before he became a techno path, he would collect like plant ingredients for different potions and elixirs needed at slurps and burps. He likes the idea of being useful, bc all his life he's been seen as a mistake. He's trying to prove his worth constantly. Kesler happened to ask him to get a like plant in front of a noble, and the noble complimented Dex on being such a good kid, so now he's like oh, I'm a good kid! which makes me so sad. But also he collects like useful things exclusively bc of the triplets. Like he can't bring shiny rocks or shells that he finds on the beach bc the triplets will get to it so fast that he won't even be able to like have a collection to adds things to. Instead, he collects pieces of scrap metal, herbs, wires, wood pieces, etc. so that he has the excuse of saying that this is material he needs for gadgets and elixirs and whatnot, so the triplets can't steal/break anything. he collects pens too( he is anti pencil).

Linh: Because of her being banshed for like 3+ years, I can't say that Linh is a big collector, neither is her brother. She didn't have the means to have things simply for enjoyment. Whatever little she owned went to keeping her and her brother alive and fed. It's hardcoded into to only take what she needs and nothing more bc of her previous life style. But now that she lives with Tiergan (NOT choralmere I REFUSE), I think she might start buying like little trinkets. Maybe stickers or small bracelets, or charms. keychains. Friendship necklaces. She would definitely buy lotttttts of excess things for princess purryfins. Like fancy collars, or little animal clothes. combs to brush her hair. Linh spoils her sm I swear. I wish is was Princess purryfins fr. I also think she would invest in a lottt of water proof clothing/goggles/etc. Like overly so. More than she needs. it's a way of calming her anxiety act her ability. Even if she messes up and loses control, at least she and everyone in Tiergan's house (I forgot what hi should is called) will stay dry. She hasn't fucked up completely.

[seancamerons]

Sean 😊

i have 3 of these. will say sean is my favorite. thank you. all this is under a cut bc i kind of went lengthy. 💕💙

he died in the army. (self explanatory)😥😥

he and emma reunite in the future bonus: emma is divorced or separated and working toward a divorce, spemma as amicable exes and they naturally pick up from a more mature pov/grown a lot separately and grow more fond between their history and mutual feelings and such and are in much better places in their life. best case scenario. perhaps sean attends janny's wedding and is the best man, emma is naturally manny's maid of honor (manny was emma's) and spinner got ordained bc jay can't marry himself who also was ordained and even tho spinner/manny were amicable exes as well and despite spemma not working out all remained friendly with little animosity </sorry habitual tangent the happy ending. down the road even emma and sean move in together and start their new lease make up for lost time could have a semiopen ended ending happy tho. but implied of happy days to come. this is my favorite end!

i do have a stretch one, this is a crack theory hear me out on!!

so basically he falls in love with army!anya. ok i don't have a lot of knowledge about army life or whatever but this is my crack theory and i have limited knowledge based on things I've heard and stuff so yeah.

and to make it a little more interesting, up the ante - he is her boss its kind of frowned upon or forbidden. when for starters for instance she's new girl on the block and freshmeet they don't get on so well. she is newbie. she's also an attractive girl a little girlie and the other girls in their group don't jive so well. she has 1 or 2 people in the group she's friendly enough with. sean initially doesn't like her at all. anya is no push over and isn't giving up and is determined to get better. sean is constantly at every turn making an example out of her of what not to do, she's embarrassed but that only drives her to work harder and strive for perfection or excellence. she doesn't wanna imress him, she's not a fan either. so the feeling is pretty mutual.

she even thought if she was in danger, he'd leave her behind, or not help her if she needs it or if her life depended on it. he always caught her doing things wrong, he'll always call her out on it. he's pretty cactus like and she's like a baby kitten, or a balloon that his pickly thorns pop. she's lost her temper got demerits (or strikes which lead to meetings and write ups) seems like he has it out for her and his mission is for her to be sad. he once made her cry bc she confronted him for this laundry list of things and he brushed her off and told her she's a coward and she should go home that she's hopeless. she did consider that, but she didn't want to disappoint herself or her parents.

pre anya he didn't have a hard time learning and being accoustome to habits and routine so with sean moving up the ranks sean is a lil closed off, bossy, moody, and demanding and anya initially hates him!

he's always catching her doing the wrong thing and making her do the work, but it's cause he believes in her. he's also like it or not attracted to her even though they have little in common.

so one night the rest of their army colleagues are out at a bar in the city to cut loose and have a good time. it had been a hard week for everyone including anya. they have some drinks and get to talking. sean surprises her when he defends her honor at the bar and decks the guy for trying to do something (use your imagination)

or possibly anya has a ex out wherever they're stationed the romance they had turned sour or ended somehow unrelated and stuff and he grabbed anya by the arm and demanded to take his hands off her in so many words or to leave her alone, she doesn't want to talk. sean read the situation pretty well. did i mention he's built?

the guy gets tough, but sean's tougher. so he becomes more persistent, insults sean and he comes over and sucker punches him bc she wasn't listening and neither was he when sean initially walked over to stick up for her (not like she needed his help considering) and wham! he's on the floor and then sean tells her to run and he takes her by the hand on the count of 3 they flee to another place closer to base like a park after dark before curfew so they have some time to sober up, grab a bite to eat before they get back to base.

he finds out that for anya and sean, it's a small world. they're both from toronto and attended the same school at different points like a few years apart (perhaps she was a middle schooler when he was in school at dcs or he was in wasaga that period of time but eventually got ged after his short stint in jail and we know the rest!) and any told her story and he was so impressed how she was able to pick her self up. he asked if she knew his mentor mr. simpson and she filled him in a bit on him. sean and Simpson still talk but at that point it been a few months with their busy lives and all but he admired that she didn't give up on herself and when things got tough, like sean always did and how his temper often got him into trouble. she heard stories his reputation for that stuff. she admitted she was afraid of him when she made the connection with first impressions. she proved him wrong, and is quick to call his bluff. they are team mates without sports and dating would be wrong on a lot of levels but the trust, attraction, and stuff.

he knows he can't give her preferential treatment, he wont hold her hand and he wont go easy on her, and no one was the wiser, sometimes they'd be able to get away and fool around and spend nights away on leaves or vacation far away, and when they're still working or on the clock or whatever behind closed doors they can be what they want and then in the world its like they are well behaved and model soldiers and so on. they get by. he knows he can't like be public with her, no kissing/pda, no sex, not too much alone time, getting caught can't emphasis CANNOT happen but they can talk when they can,he'll always help her and maybe he wont be so mean to her and realize he was once new and trained her like owen did more to grow into and hone skills she'll use in the future regardless! he wrote her recommendation letters for a college so she can get accepted to a university to study some topic she's interested in idk what anya would study so open ended!!

for a time they had a secret romance, no one ever found out about and then they bode time until it was free, coast was clear. for the first 2 years of their relationship it was a double life tho no one knew and they kept it that way but they hated it too because they'd really fallen deep for one another no matter how hard they tried to fight it/deny it and were mutually invested by then. they had goals, future plans and were supportive but they always promised they'd get through it together whatever it took. (ha see what i did there!) they taught each other a lot in their time once they got over the ihateyoustage and critical beginning. from the night at the bar she saw him in a new life. she'd judged him so quickly. they worked well as a team and everyone was proud of anya too. she was thriving in her new life. she was also happy. happier than she had ever been, she had true companionship and comradery. she made a lot of friends and got to try many different jobs. she never gave up. came out of her shell.

things improved obvi between sean/anya and the rest of her career seemed to flourish and promotions and opportunities came pouring in and eventually she had to pick and choose what to pursue and what to choose and sean would back her 100% in any way he can.

and much later down the line the chips fell where they did and they were able to be in a relationship because he was no longer her boss at that point and it wasn't such a risk and they moved in together and on a family weekend anya introduced her to her parents. mama approved of her. they were free to be who ever they wanted to be. I'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for happy endings but yeah. that's the sean/anya crack fanon/heancanon! haha idk props to rachel who is on here as @reggiephantom who idk maybe 2 years ago and i went back and forth talking about this headcanon/story idea.

thanks for the ask/message!💌

-

💌 ask me about a degrassi character/fictional character to rewrite/expand upon

[undermycoat]

just need to work this all out

ok so im unemployed fresh college grad atm and ive got job apps sent in and even an interview lined up but that interview is in the town my dad is in so im staying with my dad but in the time ive spent waiting for that date ive been with an employment agency but the job that place sent me to was the absolute worst and my mental health has plummeted to the point that i’m getting physically sick both bc of the job and bc i feel like i have to keep looking over my shoulder with my dad right there.

i skipped work saturday and today which is insanely immature but i cant think im struggling to sleep and eat bc of this and today i emailed the agency saying i wish to end our agreement. they said they wished i gave a notice (tbf i thought i had when i was like “i’m moving away” on saturday.. but whatever. actually not whatever — that shouldntve been discounted and im not entirely at fault here) but that they wish me the best and i said thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

earlier last week when i told dad this job is really bad for me he told me to stay working there until i get another job secured. i did not do that and now im terrified of telling him that i quit bc i dont know what hes going to do plus i dont want to talk about it with him i just want to be left alone

also this interview ive got lined up is for a really great company however i dread working there bc that means i have to stay with dad. i want to go back to where i used to live. also i dont like that one of the high up workers there is friends with my dad. being a nepo baby is great unless the nepo comes from my dad. i dont trust him to not keep tabs on me and i dont want him knowing what ive been doing or where ive been. not that im doing anything illegal i just want him to fuck off, yknow?

all of this leads back to the problem ive always had in that hes a huge control freak who needs to know everything going on in my life and i cant escape. my mom got out through the divorce but im still stuck here and i cant leave either bc even if i cant breathe with him and his wife and their kids i love my paternal grandparents and aunt and uncle. im just so paranoid and anxious and i feel like i cant breathe

im so sick of disappointing people but also the stuff my dad is proud of me about is stuff im not that proud of. its like i just cant win with him.

oh and paranoia aside i dont want to owe him anything bc he used to ignore me for months despite me calling and messaging him constantly (to the point that my mom was like “do you even love me? do you even want to be here do you even care?”) when he took me out for dinner one of the times he decided to acknowledge me he said he’d pay for a field trip (past the time the fee was due so i had to get special permission from the teacher) then the next week he said i only talk to him when i need money so actually no hes not giving me anything. WHAT. and then a couple years later he was like “i never got to be your parent you never let me be your dad :(“ and when i was like “why” he was like “i had to always go have fun with you instead of discipline you bc i didnt want our time together to be all sad and me getting mad at you” like again. WHAT.

he said that bc i was like “i was rly hurt when you said i only come to u for money bc i reached out to u a lot and u never replied”. so. idk what to do with that but i still dont rly understand the argument from him here. but yeah i was like rly hurt and then he started crying talking about how he never got to be my dad even tho i was like 19 when this convo happened so he had 19 years to try and didnt and its rly unfair that im supposed to feel guilty for denying him this even tho i was the child and he had total control he could decide what to do with me and he chose wrong and now hes taking it out on me here in this restaurant. ok.

its so fucked cuz now im like so was i doing something wrong all those times we were tgt? like idk im just scared around him bc i dont ever know if im doing something wrong bc he wont tell me or maybe he will or maybe he . idk i just cant sit still yknow?

also his wife is racist and ive got to deal with microaggressions from her. and hes a pastor

anyway i just needed to get that all out there to feel a bit less crazy. thank you for coming to my ted talk ✌️😗

OH YEAH. and he makes me feel stupid all the fucking time like i dont need a job right now. i Should get one but i dont have a mortgage im not buying groceries i dont need to pay for insurance I DONT NEED A JOB. but he told me to stay in this shitass job bc i need it. dude it had me out in the sun all day (ALL DAY) paying $10/hr and had me coming home genuinely thinking about killing myself. not even bc of the physical labor but bc it was so under-stimulating like i was in my head all day no music no interesting surroundings no conversation nothing for me to solve. and he was all like “well sometimes we have to do work that we don’t like” YEAH I FUCKING KNOW DICKHEAD. my mom said he talked like that to her too and also apparently ok not to brag bc im fr not but im rly smart like im fucking brilliant and my dad always acted like it was bc of him but my mom’s other kids are also brill while my dad’s other kids are… theyre sweet kids and intelligence isnt everything im aware i know but its like “really dickhead?” i just hate how he belittles u and talks like ur dumb. im not dumb. dont piss me off

[thesisterlocationtontmy]

Growing up on the internet is thing I've been doing and seeing a lot of things I shouldn't have seen. I guess that's why now that I'm finally an adult I can piece things together. It's true that as a child you aren't going to be able to pick up on nuance. While I able to learn about those nuances quickly and stay out of trouble for the most part, most aren't.

That's the sad thing about being on the internet at such a young age. Anyways I'm just thinking about this bc you become so desensitized to things after a while. For me, I think that's why I'm able to play a game like DoL and can ignore like half of it. The same thing for the series I've read. While most of those don't tend to be my favorites, usually I can thug them out to the end. Though that doesn't mean I don't get disgusted with the media in question. To this day there are two things I think about constantly that just twisted my insides because of how it presented itself with a real life horror.

However! I can't overlook a majority of things. When I'm talking about those types as above I mean dubcon and noncon. I'll ignore it in the media if it's something that 1. Shows how it affects the person or 2. It's important to the story. (Now how they are executed is a different conversation with a whole other can of worms.) Unfortunately I would love if all my media doesn't have noncon and/or dubcon but unfortunately being in adult spaces that's what you'll find like 50% of the time. I can weed down the stuff that I can absolutely say no to tho, which is going to be most proship. (Examples of that is incest, pedophilia, race play, etc.)

Anyways this moral dilemma does make it hard to interact or even get content when I add all my stipulations and preferences. I have done a lot of reading and for the most part I can get my fill with those. Though if I want a porn game with a customizable character and that allows the player to choose who they want while also keeping the spirit of a visual novel... Then that's where the problem comes in. That's partly why DoL is fine with me because I can turn off a lot of things and put "encounters" to practical none. This is also why Boyfriend to Death isn't for me, it has way too much that I can't ignore or just toggle off.

All in all this is just a post for me. Something where I can rant a bit. I only wished that I could find more of what I love instead of having to settle 💀.

[hauntedpearl]

hi doe!! for the writers ask game: 17 & 25? i love learning background knowledge writers have about their works/characters!!

hope you’re having a good day :)

hello mia <3333

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

hooo boy i will not shut up about my wip and it's probably annoying but it's on my mind a lot rip. I'm currently posting/writing this fic called to the wonder of all things, and in the euphoric high of writing sth coherent and kind of long (9k! which is A Lot For me!!!) i decided to do a dean pov chapter and it has been KILLING ME! there's a lot of stuff that i straight up deleted but i think i needed to write to get into Dean's head idk.

i often find it super hard to write from dean's perspective bc i think. idk. he's playing 8d emotional manipulation chess with himself CONSTANTLY and i am but one sad little guy like. i lose my shit lmao.

i wrote a lot of depressing shit surrounding dean's grief, his relationship w jack mirroring his relationship w Sam and whatnot. these are two things im super obsessed with when it comes to dean. i think the reason is mostly because a) i am sad and grieving constantly so it's nice to throw that onto someone who is not me and watch them suffer instead (sorry bro ily) and b) i also love kids and the idea of parents being good to their kids is very foreign and also VERY NICE AND GOOD TO ME I WANT IT so i write it.

anywaysss. i think. idk it was fun!! because these are all definitely parts of him that reveal *something* but they're also not parts that fit w the fic somehow so i ended up having to bin them. i still posted some snippets while i was writing tho and people seemed super into them and i am like. shamefully sitting in my room because i will not be posting anything with those snippets in them rip.

answered 25 here!

ask me weird questions

[astral--horrorshow]

hi!! can i get a romantic studio ghibli matchup (like, out of all the movies u write for !!) anyway, i’m a 5’0 trans gay enby who uses they/he pronouns. i have long-ish black/red split dye hair, i’m very pale, and i have blue eyes. i’m also kinda chubby and i look very very tired almost always. i mostly dress causal & in pajamas, but when i feel like it, i just dress in an all black emo sorta outift? idk LOL

if this helps i’m an ISFP 4w5, gemini/cancer cusp. i’m a very very quiet and reserved person in public, especially around those my own age. i choose to not talk and i often just nod my head or shrug. i really only respond when need be! however, when you get to know me, i am absolutely chaotic. i love to make people laugh and will do anything to achieve that! i’m very physical and i love picking people up and play fighting with them (i love arm wrestling and thumb war LOL). i have a temper that’s hard to control in private, and i do get a little physical- but i don’t hurt anyone. i just throw around stuffed animals or pillows. in public i am more self-aware and it’s only visible through my movements, tone, and expressions that i’m angry. but i also feel guilty and very sad and i cannot be angry at someone for too long and i end up coming back to apologize (but sometimes i’m petty so if its their fault and what they did really hurt i won’t). enough about that though, abt my friends. i always try to fix their problems and give them advice and i sort out their issues and whatnot for them. im always there to listen and id consider myself a good listener, even tho sometimes i can lose hope and give up. i am mostly pessimistic and think things will go wrong abt get really nervous, but sometimes im very optimistic and cheer people on, esp my friends. i overthink a lot, bad or good things, which usually ends up in me spaced out, and i have a hard time pulling myself back into reality. i get embarrassed very easily. i stand up for what i believe in no matter what and i speak my mind for the most part. i have strong beliefs and opinions, im very skeptical of others at first, and i take a while to warm up to new people. but sometimes my anxiety overwhelms me too much. i also get scared very very easily. i also have BPD if that matters

i love love LOVE bugs, cats, knives, plushies, and rubber ducks. I collect the last three things !! they are my favorites in the world and i love going outside and collecting little bugs and ive always wanted a pet spider. i also adore dark/horror media things, and i love halloween. i love being scared and going into horror rides & ghost tours, theyre my fav ! cats r my fav animal and i want 50 of them when i get older. plushies comfort me a lot so do rubber ducks, so ig thats a bit childish, but thats okay :). i collect knives bc i think theyre cool and i like to show them off like theyre my babies (they are). i also love rollercoasters and theme parks, i luv adrenaline. i constantly have to tell ppl they wont die, even tho sometimes im scared myself. i love weezer, foo fighters, childish gambino, korn, and ghost. music is a very very big part of my personality LOL.

im not a big fan of pda but in private i LOVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION !! i love kisses and hugs and i will die without them. gift giving is my least fav method of affection, i feel too bad lol. i dont like being ignored and i get a lil jealous sometimes, so i need reassurance a lot. i prefer masculine people and someone who'd be patient w/ me.

thanks!!

Okokok-

Before i finished i know who it was-

Howl from Howls Moving Castle!

I just think you two would get along great! Also, ty so much for paying attention to my less popular fandoms! Its a very nice change of pace. Howl is one of my favorite movies and the book is one of my faves too, so im glad i got to think ab studio ghibli today!

[peachy-sxnrise]

why are people on the internet so mean.

so the sims released the trailer for their new pack today and i was really excited for it, and my favourite sims youtuber, kayla (lilsimsie) was too when i watched her reaction video. in the video tho she missed a little text box that said one of the new items allowed you to summon the grim reaper at will, a feature i knew she'd be really excited about.

so then i went onto twitch and opened her livestream since i knew she was live and wrote in chat "pls tell me y'all told simsie about the summoning the grim reaper at will thing in the trailer after she missed it three times", to which a couple people very nicely replied "yes!" and "she did!", to which i replied "yay! I knew I could count on y'all!". i initiated this because I was excited for the feature and I knew Kayla would be too, and I hoped to spark a conversation on stream about it since I like her being excited about things.

I'm about to close the stream after this when I hear kayla say my username and start talking about what I just put in chat. she was perfectly nice and not targeting me in any way, just pointing out that so many people had brought up that she missed it. but then EVERYONE in the chat is going "people are so toxic" like constantly on repeat everyone is saying it. also, whole Kayla is talking someone says "you've done it now y'all you've broken her". and then kayla says "truthfully I did notice in editing I was just trying to get the video out quick and also I didn't want to take the time to add something onto the end because I had just found out my parents dog had cancer."

meanwhile, people are still yelling in the chat that people are so toxic for bringing this random feature up repeatedly (I'd just opened the stream I thought it would have already come up and i wasnt expecting kayla to respond to my comment if it had cos in that type of scenario she would just ignore the comment if shed already seen a similar one)

so basically the entire chat is yelling at me for bringing something up (in a very friendly way btw) because i thought kayla would be excited about it, and they're all making me feel shit about it and then I get the news that the reason kayla didn't go back and add it in afterwards is bc she found out her parents dog had cancer. which is really sad and obviously im sorry about that and kayla didn't do anything wrong in this situation.

but the CHAT oh my lord why were they so mean ;-; Kayla was perfectly nice about the way she addressed it, as we're the chat mods when they informed me that yes kayla had in fact been told about it, but the rest of chat were so freaking mean ;-; how on earth does this situation make me toxic. I was excited about the new feature. I knew Kayla would be excited for it too. I just wanted to hear her talking about it. I had no way of knowing if shed already been talking about it since I hadn't previously been watching the stream. but I'm toxic. great.

and then afterwards I knew I needed to rant about this whole situation bc it was pissing me off and I can't let go of things until I say them outloud (or type them ig) and I considered my boyfriend, but he was offline, and I considered my mum, but she was asleep, and then I realised I don't have a best friend to rant to. it got so bad I even considered twitter even tho I almost never use it anymore. eventually I decided on tumblr even tho I don't have a following who would be interested so no one's gonna reply to this being like "oh I'm sorry that happened that sucked" or whatever, which is fine ofc, but I just which I had someone in my life who I could be saying this rant to instead of saying it to an empty corner of the internet.

[crowwants2beskini]

Hi everyone, it's been a long time but Ive decided to come back. I've gained like 10 lbs since the last time I updated which makes me rly sad bc I worked hard to get down to 120 but I'm gonna do what I can to get there again. For the time being I'm mostly going to focus on my looks tho because we don't own a scale 🙃 We were previously living with my bfs parents and they had one so I would just use theirs when Icould, but now we moved into our own place and are living with a couple of friends who have a history of ED so we refuse to buy one. Maybe I'll try to buy one and hide it? Who knows.

In other news for life updates, I've had a job with Walmart for the past 7 months and I'm constantly walking and on my feet so I've built a lot of muscle in my legs and normally get over 10,000 steps on days that I work which is awesome. I wanna start walking outside of work too so I'm not just rotting away on my off days, luckily we have 2 dogs rn which gives me more than enough of an excuse.

I think I'm going to struggle a lot because I've been very bad with eating unhealthy and now that we have a whole house to buy groceries for its more of a community thing than what the individual wants. All of us struggle with eating/cooking proper meals, because most if not all of us are neurodivergen, so we keep lots of snacks in the house that serve as everyones main source of nutrition which doesn't help because mostly everything has high calories. It's also different now because there's so many people that I'm around constantly that I feel if i start eating less/eating differently it will be noticed immediately, especially because we have a house full of disordered people.

Anyways, that's where the state of things are right now 👍🏻 We'll see if I actually keep up with things or not and if I actually lose any weight

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

Ok my last few weeks have been pretty full of events and I don’t do journaling bc I am lazy but should stop because basilcayll it’s first for myself before I present to the world but also I feel like sharing because that what is also the Geist y of it

it is definitely a back ar of being with urself and love it and not become obsessed so u need to humble and exchange to see all the other beautiful souls around u- one reason I share

what can happen Exocet I make myself vulnerable

but yes, it is okay I guess to make urself vulnerabme if this is who you are and you try to walk with love and good intention even if they might not be good for some other people - it is okay I guess to make urself vulnerable - I don’t know I have to think about it but I leave it here like that

I don’t like to make myself vulnerable but the same time I am way too much out there

i don’t understand how this is coming together yet, I guess it’s here just good bc I am still pretty incognito hardly anyone know me but the few that anyway I tell every little detail out of my life and it is a way ti express myself and be open aboht mh work and my thoughts the way it feels right. Not like on Instagram where everything is so restricted and controlled that’s why I love tumblr and the way it is constructed it is way more constructive; and community based. The way information is distributed; sharing communicating interacting it is about sharing and enjoying art not about watching the around of it the stories the followings or maybe it’s just me lol I also don’t do that on IG. But yes DM reels everything Instagram is just so packed. And commericalized and monetized. It destroys everything. There should be a platfrom

or way to distinguish between enjoyment and money because I understand the circularity of Instagram as platform to get jobs earn money and advert ur work but it’s somehow fucked yo that is why it is so interesting to keep in touch with alternatives like Carlo told me bitte ga is or was doing it I really need to think and find out how we can propose alternatives. nit wveryone thinks like that about IG tho

I love my father, I love mz father si so so so so much

he is so beautiful and smart and I never ever thought I would reach another keven of love for him

it is crazy I ama k grateful for his spirit and also the way my mama gets him and emphasize it eventho he is so cruel to her for reasons I can understand

my father wanted to be accepted in this country but he wasn’t even accepted by his own father in law. I think it is cruel to come to this conclusion with the woman you created life with and that is full of love

but then u push her away because she won’t understand she doesn’t understand what family means as her family is so loveless which is not true she us different. She is sensitive and seeet and thoughtful but of course how should u feel when you constantly get reminded how bad Germans are white people in a family that is so strong and talks 3 times per week my father would call my aunt 3 times per week and they talk on the phone for hours in Farsi until they start fighting hahaha I am sways loved to sit and listen to ni word I understand which my father always said was my fault, urs my fault my sister and I speak no Farsi because I was a stubborn kid not wanting to learn his language is language of affection and love he grew op he talked to his own mother my grandmother the heart of love. I was a kid of my mother, the German mother who got accepted as my grandfather would show up to my but not my older sisters birth. FRITZ I hooked up with this guy I’m sad to say guy because I really liked him but he was not ready and I am so done not been acknowledged for who I am. I rather be on myself and finally acknowledge myself. anyways he was like it’s not time for a FRITZ yet we never talked about my grandfather obv it was the second time we met….

anywho Fritz my grandpa a director of a lycee in maths u think I hated maths he was so proud. He was old school. Traditional we would say

of course in awe for culture like go to cultural pkaces and be like how amazing are they super open minded of course he was no old German kind of man….but still

why didn’t he show up to my parents wedding?! why did he hold a speech talking about his only grandchild which was the daughter of my mamas brother who was born AFTER my sister

by god my sister is the first born of this family

that is holy she is holy, and yet they wouldn’t show up

they wouldn’t talk and to be honest maybe this would have been for it’s best

my mama learning how to cook Persian food and being the best in the whole family because she is sensitive she understands what her babies needed even if she was reluctant and not able to express her love in that way because she never keanred fomr her parents

but that’s not her fault no, and that’s what mz father should fucking know.

anyways I always “was against my father” my father said, I was born it was pretty hectic

my mother had a Abgang before me so I can imagine it was pretty traumatizing to lose a life inside of you so everyone was pretty excited for me to be born. But then the doctor said I was disabled they tried to press me out I didn’t want to and then when I came everyone was so happy that I was who I was my mother loved me so much from the first second and my father was so fulfilled with the love his children his family being complete his mother still alive his siblings having babies his loved loved family togehter safe and bonded so why not make the family even more bonded and contact the grand parents. Too good to be true but with my grandparents it was the moment of change. Idk tbh but I know my madar passed, my aunts asshole husband abandoned her with her 3 beautiful boys, mhh yes things were getting tough, my family was moving closer together and apart at the same time. Because my father really became a representative and father for my aunts children, my aunt didn’t know wha to do with her pain and started to be even fringed against Germans as her husband was German like all subtle but they build their little security net, they had each other at least. And then there was my mother, the only German, the kids didn’t count as we were still part Iranian. And we got everything; but I was acting out all the time

everyone always tried to shut me up. I was so conflicted between my mother who was so left out and started to develop and antipathies next to my aunt who was doing nothing but ranting about cold German people

my mother is cold but not inside she has ur renal realism inside of her which is not her fault

i think my grandfather was racist

not my grandmother

but I think he had it internally, I think it can be herited and u think I heruited too but of course we all have the deconstruct this. My grandfather tried, but he failed a little bit my mom is trying and she is open but sometimes it is coming out but for her it’s super different than to my grandfather as she is rather just feeling so left out. And hated and I feel like it’s self hatred that made her feel like this and as I am a soughter of my mother I feel that hatred and I overtake it

there is no bigger goal for me than make me conoekrt free from stigma and weird energies and thoughts toward any person of this world ni matter what age, gender, history future background uprising….they will have.