#which is why I find it so easy to pick up what Taylor is putting down lol

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know it’s been said so many times before by people more experienced and insightful than me, but I don’t think it’s inherently taking jobs last minute that was the issue, because that’s the nature of jobs in their respective industries and they both understood that. Like, it sucks to have your partner leave for months at a time but you can’t begrudge them that especially when they’re still establishing themselves.

But it’s what happened at home that I would bet was ultimately their undoing. Because it’s one thing to take a job last minute and be like “sorry babe I’m going to miss x” but then still show up in other ways (communicative eg on the phone, showing up at home when you’re there, supporting your partner’s dreams and ambitions, etc.). But it’s another to a) keep chasing your own ambitions (fair, needed, healthy) but b) resent your partner for chasing theirs or belittle the things they find important.

I doubt Taylor expected Joe to follow her around everywhere and it wasn’t (just) the physical absence that hurt. It was the emotional absence that stung and made things untenable. (Based off songs like YLM and even Hits Different and just, you know, ~vibes~.) It’s the whole making time to make things work thing — it just seems like one person was making all the time and the other wasn’t in recent years. There could be a million reasons why and we may find out in TTPD.

Seeing how supportive Taylor is in general, I have no doubt she empathized with his need to work and encouraged him to do so. I just feel like what we’re seeing and going to learn about is that when the roles were reversed, that same support wasn’t extended (or not as unconditionally) and that was what started to make her feel smaller and smaller. And I have a feeling that same lack of support may have extended to personal plans as well.

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - chapter five | we found wonderland, you and i got lost in it

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 2.9k

summary: you know you have to end your fake relationship with ben, you just have to find the right time. and get through one more big event as his girlfriend. ft. special guest appearance by mason!!! (and lots of angst)

A/N: once again i'm sorry for the delay in updating, i've had a busy couple of weeks! i also apologize in advance for this chapter...title is from wonderland by taylor

previous chapter | view all chapters

The week following the Nike party, you once again find yourself in the difficult position of avoiding your best friend/fake boyfriend.

This time, though, it’s not because you’re confused about how you’re feeling about him. It’s because you’re now painfully aware of the fact that you’re in love with him, and it’s very hard to be around him and pretend you’re not.

It’s also much harder to pretend to be his girlfriend in public now, which is why you know you need to tell him this is over. You just don’t know how - or when.

You know for certain that you’re going to have to wait until his international break this week is over, as the last thing you want to do is mess with his head before he takes on Italy at Wembley on Sunday. When he texts you from the training camp that he’s likely to be on the starting lineup, you’re so happy for him that you almost forget how dire the situation is. 

You’ve already agreed to attend the game and sit in the players lounge with his family, as well as attend the team dinner with him afterward. These are all things a girlfriend would do - although they’re also all things you’ve done many times before you were “dating” - but you’re dreading it. 

It’s going to be incredibly painful sitting there cheering him on in his kit and holding his hand at dinner knowing all of this has an expiration date. That it isn’t real.

When Sunday rolls around, you reluctantly put on Ben’s jersey - a brand-new England one this time, which he had delivered to you this week - and prepare yourself for the task at hand. You just need to get through today. You’ll tell him tomorrow that this needs to end, and hopefully you will have done enough to repair his image by now that whatever statement his publicist writes about your “amicable breakup” will suffice. As much as it’s killing you to keep this going, you’re not sure you would have it in you to end it if Ben will suffer for it. 

His mum and sister come to pick you up so you can go to Wembley together, and you force a smile as Sally chats excitedly about the match ahead and thanks you profusely for what you’re doing for Ben. This makes you feel even worse, as you can’t really explain to Ben’s mother that you might have to put his reputation on the line once again because you’ve gone and fallen in love with him. 

Or perhaps that you’ve been in love with him the whole time without realizing it. And that you being in love with him is the reason you agreed to be his fake girlfriend so easily. 

And maybe that it’s why it’s why it’s never worked out with any of your past boyfriends. You’d always assumed they were threatened by Ben because they weren’t used to boys and girls being so close or they were intimidated by him being a footballer, but maybe there was some merit to it - maybe it’s why it didn’t even cross your mind that pretending to date Ben might interfere with your love life.

But those are all thoughts you don’t have time to dwell on right now, as your Uber is pulling up to the stadium and you have to mentally prepare for an entire day and night with Ben and many of his closest friends and family. 

You’re escorted by England staff to a bustling room full of people and given your VIP passes for the day. You weren’t sure if the players would be allowed to mingle with their guests before warmups, but it seems Southgate is going a bit easy on them as they’re already leading their group in the qualifiers and they’ve been training hard all week. This is nice for the boys, but not so great for you.

As soon as you walk into the lounge, Ben runs over to greet you, enveloping his mum and Alex in a quick hug before giving you a casual peck on the cheek that feels too casual, too reflexive. You barely even register it until he’s pulled back and is beaming at you.

“Thanks for coming,” he murmurs in a low, sincere voice that you know is only meant for you to hear. “I missed you this week.”

Your brain can’t seem to conjure a response, apparently overwhelmed by the slightest bit of attention from the man you’ve known just about your entire life, but luckily you’re interrupted.

You squeal slightly as you feel someone hug you from behind, but you relax as you turn to see it’s only Mason. Returning his bright smile, you throw your arms around him to hug him tightly. 

“Mason, it’s been forever!” you exclaim as you pull back. 

Mason has always been one of your favourites of Ben’s friends, and you’ve been quite close with him ever since Ben joined Chelsea. You think you’ve missed him almost as much as Ben has since his transfer to Manchester United.

“I know,” Mason sighs. “Been a crazy few months, but it’s nice to be back in London for a few days and see everyone.”

“Especially his best mate who he abandoned,” Ben jokes, making both you and Mason roll your eyes instinctively. “I’m gonna show Mum and Alex to the bar, you want anything, Y/N?”

“Um, no, I’m good, thanks,” you say a bit stiffly, fiddling with the seam of your shirt and avoiding eye contact.

Ben looks a bit confused but doesn’t press you further, probably because you’re surrounded by people, and nods once before walking away with Alex and Sally. 

As soon as he’s gone, Mason looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s going on with you two?”

“Has Ben not told you about our…arrangement?” you ask quietly.

“No, he has,” Mason shakes his head. “I mean why are you being weird privately? Are you guys fighting or something?”

You let out a sigh - if Mason picked up on how awkward that interaction was then Ben definitely did too, and that’s the last thing you want. 

“It’s nothing. I’m just…reconsidering the arrangement,” you admit. “It’s become a lot harder than I expected.”

“Too hard pretending to be in love with Ben? Fair enough,” Mason says with a slight chuckle, which quickly fades when he sees your serious expression.

“More like…too easy,” you murmur.

He’s the first person you’re confessing this to, as it’s still too terrifying for you to even fathom, let alone speak out loud. It does feel like a small weight off your chest, but that’s replaced by another wave of fear. You know Mason won’t tell anyone, but saying it makes it seem all the more real.

“Seriously?” Mason asks with wide eyes.

“Please don’t say anything to him.”

“I won’t, but…holy shit, Y/N. You’re in love with Ben. I mean, I always thought there was something, but-“

“Keep your voice down,” you scold him quietly, before his words fully grip you. “Wait, you knew?”

“Well, you guys have always been so close.”

“He’s also close with you and Tom and Madders and-“

“It’s not the same, and you know it,” Mason says gently yet firmly at the same time, placing a hand on your shoulder. “You should tell him.”

“I…I can’t,” you sigh. “He doesn’t feel the same way, and I can’t risk losing him completely.”

“But-“

He doesn’t get to finish his rebuttal before Ben returns to your side, passing you a glass.

“Got you a water just in case, you looked a bit pale,” he says softly with a gentle hand on your back, making your heart thump so hard in your chest that you’re worried it’s going to explode. “But say the word and I’ll swap it out for a G&T.”

Damn this boy and his thoughtful gestures and how well he knows you and how cute he looks in his training kit. It’s going to be a long day. 

“Thanks,” you say with a small smile, ignoring the knowing looks Mason is sending your way.

The boys say goodbye shortly after to go prepare for the game, and you find Alex and Sally once more so you can make your way to your seats.

It’s a tense game, even if you weren’t already tense going into it. Both teams have a goal going into the second half, and possession has been a pretty even split so far. As the clock begins to run out, it looks like a draw is likely - until Ben volleys it into the net with less than five minutes to go and scores the winner.

Of course he looks insanely good doing it, too - you really hope Sally is distracted enough by celebrating Ben’s goal that she doesn’t see how you’re staring at her son like he’s the hottest person you’ve ever seen in your life, which he very well might be. You’re completely in awe of him as he celebrates the goal and, as soon as the whistle is blown, the win, with his teammates. 

God forbid he just be your insanely attractive, smart, caring best friend, he also has to be a national hero today. 

Everyone is caught up in the excitement of another win, solidifying England’s place in the Euros, as you make your way down to the tunnels to congratulate the boys.

When you see Ben, you don’t know what comes over you, but every single rational thought that existed in your brain a few hours ago flies out the window. You know you should be holding back, but instead you find yourself running straight toward him and flinging your arms around his neck.

Ben immediately catches you and pulls you close, and despite how sweaty he is and how many people are watching, you can’t seem to get close enough. You squeeze him tight as he lifts you off the ground for a moment. 

“You were amazing,” you mumble into his shoulder. 

When he pulls back, part of you expects to snap out of whatever spell he has you under, but it’s the exact opposite - you see his wide eyes and bright smile and it suddenly feels hard to stand. 

Ben must notice your sudden lightheadedness, as his hands find your waist and keep you steady. 

“You alright?” he asks you quietly, and you nod.

“Yeah, I’m just so proud of you,” you say, and it’s half of the truth. The other half is that you’re so in love with him you can hardly breathe. “That was so incredible.”

Ben smiles and squeezes your waist tighter, somehow both grounding you and making you feel like you’re floating at the same time. 

“Thank you for being here,” he breathes. 

You think you could stand here in his arms, staring into his bright blue eyes, for the rest of eternity, but you’re still in a room full of people, all of whom want Ben’s attention at the moment. 

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Ben says softly as he’s being summoned for an interview, and you just nod and watch him go.

You continue to watch him with pride from afar as he answers questions about the match and his goal.

His gaze periodically drifts over to you, his smile growing each time your eyes meet. 

You realize that although this may be the first time you’ve been able to identify what the feelings are, this isn’t the first time you’ve looked at him and felt like your heart was going to explode out of your chest.

You felt this way when he showed up at your dorm with all your favourite foods and spent the entire night helping you study for a chemistry exam. You felt it when he got his first England call-up and FaceTimed you before anyone else. You’ve felt it when you’re watching a film and he adds his own little commentary that would annoy you if it were anyone but him. 

At your best and worst moments, through the years and across miles that separated you, it’s always been Ben.

As Sally and Alex leave to find the washroom, you see Mason approaching you with a knowing glint in his eye.

“Nice game,” you say to him a bit shyly, knowing that he’s caught you staring at his best mate like he hung the stars. 

“Thanks,” Mason says with a soft look, throwing his arm around you. “You should tell him tonight, Y/N. The game is over and he has the next week off. It’s the perfect time.”

“I can’t,” you reiterate, “he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“How do you know?”

“Mase, the whole reason we’re doing this is because he has a reputation for being a fuckboy, remember?” you whisper to him. “He’s never seen me that way.”

“Y/N…”

You’re once again saved from Mason’s line of questioning when Ben begins to wave you over to where the players are all taking photos with their significant others in front of the England flag.

“Tell him,” Mason whispers to you once more as you begin to walk away, walking directly over to the man your brain is telling you to run away from. 

Your heart rate is still struggling to return to normal from the hug earlier, and it doesn’t help things when Ben immediately pulls you into his side for the photo, fingers splayed across your hip.

“You two are adorable!” the girl taking the photo, someone from the media team, exclaims with a grin. “Would you like to do one with a kiss?”

You’re aware that it might look suspicious if you don’t kiss him when all the other couples have, so you’re already racking your brain for an excuse when you feel Ben looking at you.

He raises his eyebrows slightly, keeping his gaze locked to yours, and your stomach flips as you realize he’s asking for your consent. 

The rest of the world seems to cease to exist for a moment. You can’t hear the camera flashes or see the dozens of people watching you. Everything disappears except Ben, and his lips that are dangerously close to kissing yours should you give him permission. 

Once again, your feelings overtake your common sense, and your head is nodding before your brain can catch up. 

Your eyes shut on reflex as Ben presses his lips to yours. 

It’s the most amazing kiss of your life.

His lips are soft and warm and they mold so seamlessly against yours, like they were sculpted for this very purpose. 

It only lasts a moment, but it’s long enough to know that you could spend the rest of eternity kissing him. 

When you slowly open your eyes, the look on Ben’s face snaps you out of your idyllic trance and brings you crashing back down to reality.

His eyes are wide, and he looks a bit like he’s seen a ghost. While you were fantasizing about what could be, he appears uncomfortable. Ashamed, even.

Of course he is. You’ve just kissed the man you love, but he’s just kissed his platonic best friend as part of an elaborate PR scheme. 

You’ve been living in a fairytale, getting swept up in a world where you are Ben’s girlfriend and his feelings for you are genuine, but it’s not real.

It never will be.

“I-I have to go,” you mutter quietly, shaking your head as you pull away from his embrace.

Your vision goes a bit blurry as you desperately look for an exit, brushing past Mason as he tries to ask if you’re okay and marching toward the door.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You can hear Ben’s voice as you walk quickly through the tunnels of Wembley, trying to find your way to the street so you can get an Uber and get out of there.

“Y/N, please stop and just talk to me for a minute!”

You begin to jog away in your desperation to avoid speaking to him right now, but you realize it’s not very realistic that you’re going to outrun a professional footballer, so you stop when you hear him getting closer.

“Ben, just let me go,” you sigh in exasperation.

He’s looking at you with wide eyes, and when he reaches out to touch your arm, you recoil from him.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” Ben insists. “Are you upset that I kissed you? I thought you were saying you were okay with it, or else I never would have-“

“It’s fine, Ben, I just can’t do this anymore,” you say, trying to get the words out quickly so he doesn’t hear your voice tremble. “I’m sorry.”

“Can’t do what?” he questions. “You mean…this? The plan?”

You nod and watch Ben’s face fall in disappointment. Despite how your heart is aching right now, you still feel terrible for letting him down. All you ever wanted was to help him, and now your stupid feelings have gone and messed everything up. 

“I’m sorry, Ben, I can’t,” you say, clenching your jaw to keep from crying. “I have to go.”

“Wait,” he says again, voice softer this time as he reaches out to grab your hand. “Please tell me what happened. Did I do something?”

It hurts you to see him so distraught over upsetting you when he doesn’t know the reason why, when his only crime is making you fall in love with him. 

“Nothing happened,” you insist, once again pulling away from his touch even though it feels like cutting off a limb. “I just need some space and everything be fine, I promise.”

You turn to walk away from him with tears streaming down your face, knowing that for the first time in your life, you’ve made a promise to him you’re not sure you can keep.

a/n: let me know what you thought!!! your comments/asks make my day! tag list: @lunamelona @kathb59 @captainwans​ @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @cinderellawithashoe​ @batmansb1tch​ @ncentic​ @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 (let me know if you would like to be added or if i missed you!)

[bybdolan]

As promised/threatened/announced, I compiled some of my favorite and least favorite metaphors/images/turns of phrases/everything that kind of falls under this category on Midnights and explained why they work for me and why they don’t. Enjoy! (Bevor we begin: @whiskeyswifty put together some of her least favorite metaphors on the album here and there probably will be some doubling. Points were made!)

FAVORITE

“From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes.” – What a genius way to signify the passage of time! Not only does it have a strong sensual element (the feeling of water on your skin, the smell and sound of a crackling fireplace), it also implies a certain loss of virility and innocence through going from an image usually associated to childhood to the scorched, burned wood of a fireplace. LOVE.

“The rust that grew between telephones.” – A little gem on a song I really dislike otherwise. It fits the color scheme of the song (very obviously the writing exercise Taylor set herself with it: “write about things that are red that you associate with the relationship” – not a bad approach per se but often led to weird moments on Midnights) and immediately communicates a loss of contact in a very sad, destructive way.

“I’m a monster on the hill. Too big to hang out, slowly lurching towards your favorite city. Pierced through the heart but never killed.” – LISTEN! I absolutely love this line because the idea of her as this large, scary being is thought through and expanded upon in a way that is so effective in evoking a very specific mental image in your mind. I can clearly visualize  this creature on all fours crawling towards a skyline or something 1930s-monster-movie like that. I also like this because it goes into this slight horror element that pops up at certain points on the album but is never all that realized and tbh… I want gore!

“Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve. I think it’s time to teach some lessons!” – again: a very solidly thought out use of school imagery that is gleefully condescending.

“I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails, and the liquor in our cocktails.“ – Great line in a song I never listen to lol. It is, again, kind of sensual (speaks to the feeling of wind on your skin, makes you think of the sea; there is the slight burn of alcohol) and just makes you think of freedom and fun and life being easy going, which is exactly what she is describing here.

“High Infidelity” – one of her BEST titles and arguably my favorite “writing exercise” song concept because wheeew! I know she was happy when she came up with that and rightfully so! Genius wordplay.

“And maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did.” – kind of using this as a stand in for the entire song because I find the war metaphor to work very well as a whole (although I carry sliiight issue with it from a personal standpoint, given that it feels very clearly connected to WWI instead of just ~a war~ and it’s a peculiar choice). It’s a very tight sing imagery-wise because every lyric connects back to the main theme in a way that also makes it makes sense on an individual level. I picked this lyric specifically because it reminds me a favorite song where the singer describes his duties yelling at him from beneath the floor but he can’t hear because he is hanging out with his favorite person. I like personifications like that, and the suggestion that these influences are outside of ourselves, rather than inside.

“The tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind.” – Putting this one directly behind The Great War because a) crypt parallel and b) Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve also works sooo well as a whole because the imagery is so tight and is utilized perfectly. One of her strongest work ever in that regard, because it adds a very specific layer to the story being told without ever outright saying it.

[the entire chorus of Karma] – it’s soooo fun and tongue in cheek and every single comparison she does works so well to me. “Karma’s on your scent like a bounty hunter” is so good as well. The song genuinely has some very good metaphorical work.

LEAST FAVORITE

“He was sunshine, I was midnight rain.” / “All of me changed like midnight.” – I think my main issue with this song is also the underlying issue I have with all of my least favorite imagery moments on the album: It feels like they were forcefully included to fit the theme of the song or album, without actually thinking about how they work by themselves. Midnight rain as a concept is so broad that the lyric describing it feel weak? I suppose it is meant to signify that she is dark and moody, but it ends up feeling a bit basic (as weather metaphors sometimes do). And the idea of “changed like midnight” just escapes me because, apart from the striking of the clock in a New Year’s Eve or Cinderella way, I feel like midnights are not commonly associated with change. I get where she is coming from, but it feels so so flat to me. However, this is also the lyric I am willing to give grace considering it might simply. Idk. Go over my head.

“But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet.” – Hands down my least favorite lyric on the entire album (and one of my least favorite lyrics of all time). Again: I get the idea, but the mental image this puts into my head is just incredibly goofy. Joe Alwyn with big ol’ round cartoon eyes. Was somebody scrambling for a lyric that matched the cosmic imagery of the song but already blew “starry eyes” and “eyes full of stars” on two different songs? Mh? “Flying saucers” as an object and a word combo simply are not romantic to me. Couldn’t we at least have used spaceship to signify that he feels out of this world? Idk man

“Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man.” – Do I have to say anything about it? By itself it would be okay I guess but using internet speech from 2014 as an opening line to a song is. A choice. Also… I thought we didn’t dress for men (or women for that matter)? Why are u then thinking about him while doing your makeup, babygirl?

“You know how scared I am of elevators, never trust it if it rises fast.” – overdone! This is not a bad metaphor per se but it sure is a familiar one and IMMEDIATELY leaves your brain. Never use a metaphor/an image you have heard before, or whatever George Orwell said. (Great writing advice!)

“Spider boy, king of thieves, weave your little webs of opacity.” – Another one of those lines where you can feel the forced concept. I know somebody was super happy with “Spider boy” and then went looking for something that fit. “Weave your little webs of opacity” is SO clunky and heavy handed! I do like “my pennies made your crown” though.

“Sit quiet by my side in the shade, and not the kind that's thrown, I mean the kind under where a tree has grown.” – Bad. Very unsuccessful way of incorporating online lingo, and the “having to explain yourself” thing through the “I mean” is sooo… scrap it. I like the tree idea though, having grown something together, nurturing the relationship like a plant, etc.

“Freedom felt like summer then on the coast, but now the sun burns my heart, and the sand hurts my feelings.” – ok including this with a caveat: I think this actually is a good metaphor. Evocative, sensual, well thought out. However! I personally think “the sand hurts my feelings” sounds goofy and I think this line also would have worked had we stuck to the “real” nature impressions. Sun burning skin, sand getting into every crevice. Something like that. I think it would have communicated the idea equally well.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Having looked at a very specific part of the album like this, I wonder about the “writing exercise” thing she mentioned on the Graham Norton show. Multiple people have said that the concept album idea does not work for them, and I think I personally agree, but furthermore, Taylor developing entire songs about a word or a specific image appears to be pretty hit or miss, since we sometimes end up with these forced lyrics where you can just tell they needed that line and wondered how to make it fit with the rest of the song instead of having it come naturally. That said: as the good examples illustrate, Taylor is a capable writer and knows what she is doing.

[ingrid-said-no]

and then, just like clockwork

pairing: edward nashton x reader

summary: reader has had a crush on Eddie for a long time, but when they found out someones going on a blind date with him, they had to do something.

warnings: reader is a bit weird 😟 mentions of an allergic reaction

a/n: this is supposed to be a prequel to a fic I wrote called "what if i told you im a mastermind" inspired by the new Taylor Swift song, but then one day I woke up and decided that fanfic looked ugly as fuck and that I'm never posting it, so I'm posting this one instead even though I wrote that one first. (Also why the fuck did I start the fanfic like that HELP you'll see)

>

You had to shit so bad. But you also had to finish the pile of paperwork in 12 minutes. The ongoing internal debate of wether you should get up or not stopped when you realize you're already wasting that 12 minutes. A frustrated sigh escapes your lips as you grip both handles of your chair and struggle to push yourself out of it. You've been working for hours and your legs feel so numb.

The bathroom was a long walk, when you finally got there you were practically running to the toilet seat. You were zipping up your pants in the stall when a horde of clacking heels enter the bathroom.

"Come on Jan, promise me you'll go to that diner next week."

"I don't know.. are blind dates really that worth it?"

"No, but it still doesn't hurt to try. Plus, I heard the nashton guy is kinda cute so you'll be fine!"

You knew who they were talking about. He works in the station above yours, and you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't find him attractive. There was something drawing you to him despite him not knowing you exist. You've always wanted to talk to him but could never muster up the courage, too nervous that you might stumble on your own words and mess things up. Now you realize that your chances could be taken away by anything, you knew you had to act fast.

Your hands quickly fixed your state and rushed out of the bathroom immediately. One, because you almost forgot about the work you had to finish in minutes. And two, because you had a scheme to strategize.

When you got home, you brewed a cup of coffee and immediately started planning. Now Jan, you work in the same office. She's been nice to you so far even if you didn't talk much, but it doesn't matter because you won't waste your chance with Eddie. Not again. You had to get rid of her, make sure she can't attend the blind date. How?

Whatever information about her you had in your brain, you dug for. You needed an advantage. Just to think clearly, you shut your eyes. And when you opened them, the answer was right in front of you.

Coffee. You were usually the person who gets asked to order coffee whenever you stand up from your desk, even when you aren't even gonna go outside. But you do what they tell you to anyway cause the smell of coffee is addictive, you couldn't pass down the opportunity to pass by the local coffee shop just down the street.

All of it fell naturally on your lap. Next time you bring her coffee, you could put something inside it to make sure she won't meet Eddie.

~

It was finally the day of the blind date. You had successfully gotten rid of Jan, and it was easy. She wasn't poisoned or anything. It was just an allergic reaction to cinnamon. You 'accidentally' got her order wrong and one suspected it because it's a common mistake. It was perfect.

Already had an idea of which diner they were meeting at, you waited for him there. You knew Eddie would never step out of his own comfort zone, you knew he would pick a diner that he's most familiar with because it was the safest, and because he likes the pie there.

There you were, waiting. So was he. It was sad to see him down like that, but it was for the better. Eddie knew he'd get stood up, it's impossible to think that someone would be interested in him. Not impossible for you though, you wanted to know him more, and this was your chance.

You had ordered him a pumpkin pie from another table, and now watching his reaction to the waiter handing him the plate. He looked around to see who could've bought it for him. When his eyes landed on yours, you felt this electricity run throughout. You gave him a small wave and an awkward smile, and in return he gave you his own little wave and awkward smile. This is it.

You weren't sure if you blacked out, because one second you were just waving at him, then suddenly you were sitting across from him. Hearing him laughing at your stories and stupid jokes. It was like a dream. You weren't sure if you deserved it, but for now you didn't care, because you finally have him.

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x02 review

"Put this on" and she doesn't put it on. So then what's the point. FOR THE CHIVALRY, ZAL. THE CHIVALRY.

Oh, is this the episode they have sex?

Why would Belly know where Conrad's dorm is though?

Jeremiah didn't take the coffee you offered him but why does that mean you have to throw out your coffee too?

Ah, one Black/dark-skinned guy.

He is literally the best actor on the show so far and he's only here to be Conrad's roommate.

Exposition time: "He fell into a depression and was looking at your picture!" like who says that? If anything it would've been like, Ohhhhh you're Belly and that's it. Belly would be like "What's that supposed to mean?" and then you can be like "Nothing, nothing, just you know, it really fucked Conrad up when you two broke up." Like just make the dialogue a LITTLE natural??

THE INFINITY NECKLACE. Honestly, who cares.

"I know even though he won't say it" we don't NEED a voiceover here, oh my god, Scorsese can't be the only one who uses voiceovers properly.

How is it possible to care even less about Belly's brother and her mother when I care so little about Belly and this ridiculous triangle.

I skipped through this conversation because it's painful af.

I always find it rude when people turn on music in other people's cars lmao.

"Cause I'm always here if you ever need to talk." *suddenly starts talking* if it was that easy then why do this whole thing anyway.

At least Taylor is good at keeping up with Belly's lies but Belly why wouldn't you text Taylor the lie you said to your mom? Amateur shit man.

If you guys know each other so well wouldn't he know that you could do something like change a tire? And I'm not saying he has to know everything about her but they don't seem to know anything about each other.

The details on this show are horrendous.

Also a spare can only take you so far, you would still need to go to a mechanic to change the tire.

Belly, you were my best friend! WAS SHE?

This is the flattest argument. They're not even talking over each other, everything is SO contained.

If you hate yourself for forgetting him then I need more emotion. And he is STRUGGLING for a tear.

And she manages a tear when he's like you weren't there, you left me but her face is so flat, that's why I keep saying crying is about more than tears, like both of you should be DEVASTATED. At the VERY LEAST I should be getting Bellarke from these or from her and Conrad (ha, which I also said when watching Shadow and Bone)

I know it's supposed to have been like a while since the two of them have spoken but it doesn't feel that way so their resolution happens SO quickly i'm like why even there be a "chasm" in the first place.

How are Bella and Jacob better than this?

Wait, how did they get their tire fixed?

Everyone is so bad at trying to act natural around each other.

"You always could read my mind" I MEAN COULD HE?

Just because you guys say it doesn't mean we SEE it.

Belly! omg Nicole! Everything sounds SO fake.

Why wouldn't you grab something from like a gas station on the way? You're just going to hope for Oreos? Also Conrad you had to drive four hours from Brown to wherever she lives you didn't pick up supplies on the way?

*gasp* hot cocoa! "amazing!" i mean,, is it?

again conrad/belly are supposed to be matt and julie on the couch

or they're supposed to be ryan and marissa by the pool

or jake and peyton just being themselves

and there's just such a coldness to them. and i know he's doing that whole focus on her because he's suddenly serious and intense and it's NOT PLATONIC but it doesn't work when you don't have chemistry and are only capable of one facial expression.

of course a taylor swift song is playing.

they're trying SO HARD to be happy, like jeyton has great chemistry but i remember that one scene when they're in savannah and hilarie just overacts

and that's what it is watching belly all the time while conrad is just standing around being jughead or jon looking at daenerys, i just i can't. i caaaaaaaan't.

and i've just seen too many play fights

and the love scene, the lighting is doing the work and so is desiree because that's the song they use in leo dicaprio's romeo + juliet and also it's a clear call back pjo's love scene

but as much as i have issues with pjo's narrative so much about this is earned because there are callbacks, like i know i don't know the whole context of this show and of this ship but it seems like the only thing is the necklace whereas joey calls back to the time when pacey is like i'm going to count to ten and then i'm going to start kissing you etc. and brings it up IN dialogue then she whispers before the kiss, "my love" and belly's just here being like "no i know, no i want to" your voice should be different, it shouldn't just be like a regular conversation, like neither of you have conviction in your voices

"what is she doing here?" are you torn are you mad or are you just saying the line, sir?

oh good, it's over.

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

SO's US Tour Round-Up

I'm pretty behind in doing reviews for these books, so I thought I'd write up some smaller reactions and put them all in one. It seems easier, so I may try this way for the next batch as well.

****

California : The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Look, I know that California is a big place, and there are a lot of things that could represent it - but I think nothing screams California more to an outsider than Old Hollywood. Plus, I had been wanting to read this book for a while.

I'll be honest - I have some mixed feelings about this one.

On the one hand, it's an interesting read. The premise is a young woman listening to the story of aging Hollywood Starlet Evelyn Hugo - and the story of her having seven husbands. You can tell that this was inspired by someone like Elizabeth Taylor -- and the book is broken up into various parts - each documenting the story behind each husband.

It's incredibly engaging, and I can say the book kept me captivated the whole way through. I think those who are interested - if they pick up the book, they'll probably, overall, have a good time with it. The problems I, personally, had was when you started to dig a little deeper.

First of all -- I was slightly disappointed that I don't think Reid fully captivates the Old Hollywood atmosphere. Everything reads as if it were happening in the present, and I never get that full sense of what Hollywood was like back then. I guess I wanted more from that. (Honestly - though, when this inevitably gets turned into a miniseries - I think seeing it on screen might help with some of the atmosphere issues.)

Secondly - the book deals with three main themes -- women's issues, queer identity, and (tangentially) racial issues. I think it's awkward with all three, and there were aspects of the book that just didn't settle well with me. Added into that - there was one element (the main character's central romance) that just did not work, which tied into the above elements, and why I don't think the book succeeds the way I think the author intended.

Overall, I think if you take the book for what it is -- an entertaining riff on Old Hollywood and its scandals and stereotypes, I think you'll enjoy the book. I just don't think it's the literary genius that social media (TikTok) has been making it out to be, and while I recommend it, I would advise going into for the enjoyment value and not thinking about it too hard.

Rating : 3.5 Stars

****

Colorado : Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore by Matthew J. Sullivan

When I started this project, and was looking for a book for Colorado - all signs pointed to me to Stephen King's The Shining. Which I've read! And enjoyed! And wouldn't even have minded reading it again -- but I've been trying to go with books that I haven't read before.

So - I took a chance on this one. I like books about bookstores, and this one had a mystery imbedded into it, so I thought - hey, why not?

It's not a bad little book - but I can't say it's all that memorable (save for one thing) either. The story revolves around a woman named Lucy who works at an Indy bookstore in Denver. When one of her coworkers commits suicide, she starts looking into it, and finds out that it intersects with a horrific incident in her own past.

This is another one that was pretty easy to read - and the central mystery around it was pretty captivating. I finished it rather quickly. And even if I didn't really love the ending, I think it still works relatively well for a thriller.

Lucy's a likable enough character -- though the book does spend a good amount of energy exploring her relationship with her live-in boyfriend that ultimately doesn't go anywhere or have much plot relevance. The other characters serve their purpose well, though I wouldn't say this book digs in deep by way of character development.

As for atmosphere - I think it both works and doesn't. The whole idea of the bookstore was fun - but the mystery doesn't do much with it other than kick of the premise. The setting of Colorado works for a story that wants to remain in an isolated place, but it's by no means the feature of the novel.

One thing that I do think worked really well for the book was a sequence where it transcended genres and slipped from thriller to horror. There's an entire section that depicts a young girl witnessing some gruesome murders - and it is haunting. It's by far the biggest thing I remember from the book. I wish the rest of the book's writing lived up to this sequence.

Overall - it's a solid recommend. Again, I think if you go in wanting a couple of hours worth of engaging entertainment it's worth the read, but I don't think it's something you'll remember much about a year later.

Rating : 3 Stars

****

Connecticut : Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan

The premise of this one is fairly simple - it's a slice of life from the POV of a Red Lobster manager named Manny. The restaurant is having its last day -- a cold day in late December, and it really showcases what it's like to be service worker in the lower working class of suburban America.

I was kind of expecting this one to be a comedy at first, but it's really not. It's more of a drama and a character study. And you know what? I really, really enjoyed it. It hit a bit close to home -- and it will for anyone who has ever had to work in a service industry. But I think where it really excels is just capturing what life is really like, and how there are these bittersweet beginnings and endings in a world that trudges forever on.

I think there's also a conversation about class baked into the story. All of the staff have unpretty lives. They aren't poor and it's not a horror show in the way I think other media often portrays the working people, but I think it's a commentary about how many of us lead outward sad lives but are so entrenched on making it through the day that we don't even notice. I'm painting a bleak picture here, I know -- but there is some silverlining, in that the staff is able to remember good times, too, and even at the end of their tenure, it's not all bad. It's a book about finding the good stuff even when everything around you is falling apart.

All of this is juxtaposed against the customers - who, while being not so great people themselves, regard themselves (intentionally or not) above everyone else. The irony being that they're living in New England and choosing to go to Red Lobster instead of somewhere local for their seafood, and yet still feel above people who go to, say, Long John Silvers.

I definitely recommend this one. Out of the books that I've read lately for this challenge, it's the one that's stuck out to me the most, and the one that's held the most weight, even if it's a somewhat simple story.

Rating : 4 Stars

****

Delaware : Cure for the Common Break Up by Beth Kendrick

I'm sorry Delaware that you don't seem to have any great American novels tied to you. I'm sorry that you don't seem to have much of anything written in your state. Because this book kept coming up on lists for Delaware - and while I'm totally fine with a Hallmark-esque, breeze romance novel. This book was terrible.

If you've followed me at all lately - I keep posting excerpts from it. Because it's just so unfathomly bad. Look - I can do fun campiness. The author does write for Hallmark, and even if they aren't the best pieces of literature around, at least they're often fun. This was not fun.

The story revolves around a woman named Summer who literally crashes and burns (she was a airline stewardess whose plane crashed) and when she's dumped, makes it to Black Dog Bay - where the main attraction is the fact that everything in the little town has to do with heartbreak. It's actually a kind of cute premise - which is why I initially picked it up - but the execution is just terrible.

Summer is wholly unlikable a good amount of the time. Her life is a mess, and yet she's perfect at just about everything. Her love interest is a guy named Dutch Jenson (omg the names) the mayor of the little town who kind of lucked into the role. The romance is kind of pathetic - there's zero build up, zero reason why the two should be together, and zero payoff.

The book really isn't interesting in being a romance anyway. It's more concerned with Summer's attachment to Dutch's teenage sister (where she's supposed to be a mentor) and Summer's dealings with an older woman named Hattie -- who is so bitter after a broken love affair that she's planning on taking the town down with her. Of course, Summer is able to save the day and the town and, everyone lives dully after after.

This book is stupid. It's just. So. Stupid. The characters are flat when they're not being annoying. The dialogue is incredibly forced - it's painful the people talk in this book. There are a ton of pop culture references that make me wince more than anything. The 'humor' is bad sitcom level of bad. And the plot is entirely bland and unoriginal. I think the whole thing makes those ridiculous Hallmark movies feel like groundbreaking art forms.

I think there's some fun to be had with cheesy things like this -- if you have fun characters and do interesting things with them. But this one just kinda fails in a whole lotta ways.

Not a recommendation from me.

Rating : 1.5 stars

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 3 - Wrap Up

KELCE / SWIFT - Why?

So the big news in the NFL this week was obviously are Kelce and Taylor real? She went to the game. She sat next to his mom. They drove off together in a "very orchestrated" convertible. So, yeah they must be together. But why? Is it a marketing plan put together by the Pfizer people so that Taylor's fan base will want to listen to Kelce on the non-stop commercial urging us all to get the covid vaccine and the flu shot at the same time? Is it to keep Taylor's name out there for the SuperBowl half time show so when she does it - football fans love her? Are is it as simple as Taylor wanting to "feel tiny" like SNL set up in the video above? Honestly, I don't know. But, it's gonna be fun to watch and find out! Now, on to week 3 wrap ups!

TuPADRE vs TRADE WITH ME

Hey! TuPadre figured out how to load the gun! Boom! Just like that in week 3 they come away with a quick win against Trade with Me. Poor Brett. Loses Survivor. Only puts up 51 points total from his team. I guess it's better than losing by .50 of a point. Gully had great performances this week from Watson, Moss (zack not randy), Deebo, and Tyler Bass. Going into Monday night he still has Higgins to play. Probably won't get high point but week 3 goes down as a win for TuPadre and Son. Nice Win Gully! Congrats. Brett moves to 1-2.

MR AWESOME vs TREE HUGGERS

What else can be said. Scott Krippayne is finding Fantasy Football EASY this season. 3-0 start and came in this week with not only the high point of the week with 156.76 but also the high point of the season! I am just glad to not have to send it to the Moose! Nice win Scott! Devante with 34, Bills D with 36 (almost had a shut out and would have bumped it up to 46), hell even his kicker had 18 and I don't think he picked him up in round 8. NICE! Now, where there is a winner there is a loser...and once again that loser is Gabe Scott. Gabe moves to 0-3. I am not going to dig into the details. He just scored less than Scott...so he loses. Sorry Gabe. Next week you face Kyle Allmendinger who used up all his points this week so you have a good shot!

MALIK MY BALLS vs BACKDOOR BANDITS

Well, this sucks. Kyle is done for the week...finishing with 131. I am down 50 points with 4 to play on the two MNF games (Mixon, Evans, Atwell and Bengals Defense). 50 divided by 4 is 12.5 points per player. That's what I have to accomplish. Kyle had a great week from Lamar (33), Jefferson (25), Patriots D (17) and really had double digit performances from everyone but Brandin Cooks so if I can pull out the win it will be epic. I chose this GIF because whatever happens that will by my expression. At half time of the Bengals/Rams game it all looks promising...I am down 10...but time is running out for Evans who already has a dropped TD. Also had a TD from Atwell - taken away cause his heal touched the out of bounds line...and so 5 min left in the game i am down 1.06. At the two min warning I am up by .54 - but with a last min Atwell TD - I won 135 to 131. Shout out to Kyle for being a cool competitor this week. Fun Win for me - hard loss for him.

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs HOWARD

So this one is a crazy match up. Moose who is currently undefeated has 99.78 but has one of the most explosive rookie WR's in the game yet to play - Puka Nacua. Howard has 65.4 points going into the Monday night matchups but has 5 yet to play - Kyren Williams, Chase, Goedert, Swift and kicker for the Bengal - McPhearson. I am thinking with it being the NFL week of Taylor Swift - DeAndre Swift might have a big night (which he did) and help Howard get this to a close game with the Moose by nights end. A half time update...Nacua has been held to 35 yards and Howard has taken the lead by 1 point. But as the game went on - and Jamaar Chase got on fire - Howard could not be caught. Rob Howard takes away the perfect season from the Moose! Great job Rob. Congrats. What a night!

FUNK GUY vs LANAKILA

This one should be a no brainer but I can see where Funk Guy might be a bit nervous. He is down 15 but he has Jalen Hurts left to play...facing Cliff who still has the Eagles star kicker Jake Elliott. Can Elliott put up double digits numbers? Can Hurts have multiple rushing TDs and rush for 100 yards and throw for 300 yards? Will it be a blow out or a close one? Well, I can answer that now. It was a close one and even though Hurts put up 21 and had a great game, the kicker put up 11! So Funk Guy loses in another very close one. Cliff with an awesome week from Mahomes with 31, Olave with 15 and a game winning night from his kicker!

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs BOOMER SOONER

Well, I am not going to post what comes up when I search the GIF using the word "Tight"...as in - it's going to be a tight game. The night started out - with Stu with 92 and Bebo with 91. Stu has Rachaad White and Bebo with DeVonta Smith. 1 point difference. 1 player left for each guy. This one really didn't move much. By the end of the Eagles game...Stu only had 4 points from White but Bebo still had Higbee playing in the LA game and Higbee already put up 5 so, Bebo clinched early in the night. Bebo Norman, like Scott Krippayne is undefeated after week 3. Stu moves to 1-2. Great game guys.

SURVIVOR

Bye Brett. Bye Bebo...but who is left? We are down to 7. Krippayne, Mitch, Gully, Howard, Dana, Stu and Kyle. Good luck in week 4!

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Noella Maria of the Oakland Raiders is our featured cheerleader tonight. Noella is a freelance makeup artist and from her instagram looks like she loves going to Coachella, Disneyland and hanging with her friends. I am thinking perfect for Brett Rutledge. Let's go!

[humansun]

taylor swift in one week

Written Wednesday, August 2nd, 2023 at 8:07AM

It’s hot. I’m sweaty and I just got out the shower.

What am I thinking about? I find it intimidating for myself when I’m not doing as well as I wish I could be, but I can only do my best in the circumstances I’m in.

My grandma still gets on my nerves but less so. My relationship with my mom is a lot better. I’m still trying to figure out my way. 

Good things: I submitted my AWC application, I have plenty to work on this month, and I have a new book to dig my nose into for the next week. 

The reason why things feel particularly hectic this morning is because I’ve been procrastinating on my actual work work, so after writing this, I’ll jump right into it!

I haven’t gotten the time to meditate or really catch my breath after everything that’s been happening. Hopefully, when things wind down significantly, I’ll be able to do that and it will be relaxing. I’m going to be okay!

Written 11:29PM

Hi, I accidentally and then intentionally had way too much caffeine today, so that’s why I’m up and why I most likely will not attend tomorrow’s gym session.

Instead of putting myself down about it, which old Betty would do, I am now accepting my circumstances and understanding that part of my routine is to be out of my routine. This is not my quote, but shoutout to the quote’s owner, a podcast host for one of the random episodes I picked out a few months ago.

What’s going on? Well a lot. Instead of me screaming at the top of my lungs while playing Mario Party with buds, today I couldn’t sleep for 30+ minutes, so I’m up jotting all my thoughts down and reading the book I checked out yesterday.

Today was a special day, for all the mundane reasons. I did my productive morning, tried my best to keep it neutral while my emotions were going bezerk over my grandma’s commentary throughout the day, took myself on a mini-retreat to an underground-vibe park, and meditated! I also fell asleep while reading at the park.

I spent a fair share of my morning thinking about how I didn’t meet my calorie needs yesterday and that left me feeling uneasy. But! The best part about taking the time to reflect is resolving the issue eventually. I realized that everyone has a couple off days when they’re transitioning into a new routine and process, and it’s natural for things to not go 100% as planned. Even when things are super solid, it’s natural for things to go awry on some days. That is life.

While meeting up with a coworker, I have come to realize how comfortable and stable I feel in being in my mid-20’s. I’ve reached a point of acceptance and contentment, which I honestly didn’t expect. It’s almost like life happens before you realize it, but when you realize it, you learn that you are okay with the process.

I’m confident that as I continue to age, I will reach these conclusions and find joy in the small moments and ease in the temporary lows. Being 25 has been an adventure that I had not planned, but I’m certainly happy and proud of the place I am currently in. I didn’t realize that I would make this much progress creatively over the past year.

I especially would not have thought that I would complete two short films, even if they were super scrappy. I learned while making them, enjoyed the process, and spent time with some of the best people in my life. There will never be regrets in this experience.

I want to also recognize that maybe in this moment, I feel secure and happy. There’s a chance that this could change tomorrow when I wake up, and I’ll feel lost, crummy, and uncertain about the future. But this is what life is. It’s the ups and downs that we’ll get as we’re hit with unexpected life events, fluctuating emotions, and the different types of responsibilities we’ll be dealt in all our roles in life.

There is nothing easy about existing, but trying is a huge feat. Learning is rewarding. Growing will always be exciting. There are not many days now that I feel certain, excited, and secure in my path, but today in particular, I do. Today I feel like everything makes more sense, even if its not exactly what I imagine it to be. I feel today that I am worthy and that everything will fall into place, because there is proof historically that it has.

The promise that I make to myself today is to always do my best, and always strive for better. Not in terms of materialistic goals or money, but in terms of being a better me, appreciating my present, and growing internally. I have the potential to always grow, and I’m confident that I will continue to, with the effort that I put in each day. 

Each day I can grow more patient. I can be more controlled. I will empathize and listen rather than think about my response and interrupt. I will be open-minded and celebratory of life when I can be. I will know that there is another tomorrow. I will appreciate each moment of my existence as best I can. In the mist of all the hardship and uncomfortable thoughts/feelings, I get to experience today’s joy. That is my win.

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

It's Going To Be You

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Spencer Reid Taglist - @asherhunterx, @ilovespencerreidmarryme, @canadailluminate, @nomajdetective,@reidsbookclub, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29,

Prompt - I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was…not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.

—————————————————–

Spencer Reid knew from the moment he laid eyes on you that you were something else, he could tell from one glance that you would change his life. No words needed to be exchanged for the man to be completely and utterly taken by you. He watched as you walked through the door, though your head was held high, shoulders pushed back giving the impression of complete confidence, he saw the way you fiddled with the strap of your bag with one hand. When he looked at your other hand he could see your forefinger picking at your thumb, clearly a nervous habit. He watched as you looked around the room, watched as Rossi made his way over to you, guiding you over to Hotch’s office with a smile.

“Down, pretty boy.” Derek grinned as Spencer startled, his head snapping around to face Derek just as you entered Hotch’s office. “I’ve never seen that look on your face and you don’t even know her name.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Spencer replied, cringing at how unconvincing he sounded.

He turned away from Derek and tried to focus on his paperwork but he could stop his eyes from straying over to the closed office door every few minutes much to Derek and Rossi’s amusement.

“Who is she anyway?” Derek asked.

“She’s lucky number ten,” Rossi told them, smothering a smile as Spencer looked over, “who knew finding another agent would be so difficult.”

“Wait,” another voice interrupted, “there’s a new person here? Is she nice? Why is that always my first question?” The group laughed as Penelope quizzed Rossi.

“Listen, I know as much as you people.” He said and before anyone else could speak Penelope was being handed a folder causing them all to groan.

-

“Agent Hotchner?” You asked as you were granted access to the office.

Hotch stood as you walked in, moving around his desk to hold a hand out to you.

“Yes and you’re Y/F/N Y/L/N, I presume?” He asked, smiling slightly at you as you nodded, still fiddling with your bag. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, please have a seat.”

“Thank you sir.” You smiled, taking a seat in the offered chair watching as he made his way back behind his desk.

“Your supervisor spoke very highly of you when I spoke with him, your success rate is impressive.” Hotch praised, glancing down at the file in front of him. “Your latest case seemed rather difficult, are you sure you’re ready to be back in the field again?”

“I passed all my psychiatric exams, I was cleared to return.” You told him stiffly.

“I’m aware of your results, I just want to be sure you’re ready. Infiltrating yourself into the life of Douglas Miller couldn’t have been an easy feat.” Hotch watched as a look of satisfaction took over your face.

“I’m ready, sir.” You told him, relaxing slightly. “It was a tough case, I’ll be the first to admit that seeing what I saw had an impact but I can do this.”

Hotch smiled at you before closing the folder.

“I believe you,” he said, “I think you’ll be a valuable addition to this team.”

The words were what you were hoping to hear, you’d wanted a job with the BAU for longer than you could remember but you paused. Surely it wasn’t that easy, right?

“Wait? That’s it?” You asked.

“That’s it.” Hotch confirmed, fighting back a smile at your expression.

“But- but I’ve been here less than five minutes.” You countered back, there were so many emotions going on within you that you felt slightly overwhelmed.

“Y/N, ever since your name was put forward I looked into your work and I was impressed. Your skills at undercover work are far above what I’ve seen in a long time, that alone would be an incredibly useful assest to the team but on top of that your ability to connect and empathise with unsubs, fast thinking and your profiling skills- trust me, you deserve this job and I have complete faith in you.” Hotch’s words had left you speechless, you had no clue how to respond but thankfully you didn’t have to as the door was pushed open and both you and Hotch turned to look at the brightly dressed woman in the doorway.

“I’m sorry to interrupt sir but we have a case.” The woman said and Hotch stood gesturing for you to follow.

“You have a to go bag?” He asked as you both walked out the door.

“Yes sir.” You nodded, still baffled by how well things had gone.

“Good, welcome to the team Y/L/N.”

-

“Everyone, this is SSA Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’m sure proper introductions can be made later.” Hotch said as the two of you entered the room before gesturing to Garcia that she could begin.

“Ok, yes, so, we have five bodies so far found in Wyoming. The first two bodies were hidden amongst some trees close to firehole bay. The ME presumes that the time of death was mostly likely a week ago but we should have full confirmation when you arrive. The victims, who we haven’t been able to identify yet, but I am working on it, were stripped completely and the wounds, that are in your files because I so do not need to see that, show heavy signs of torture. ” Garcia informed you all.

“The next body was a single male, again stripped and tortured and the ME says this death is most likely four to five days old. This body was found a few miles away from Basin Bay Point campsite.”

“Wait a second,” somebody interrupted, causing you to turn your head. There sat a man, younger than the rest of the team, he was…how you had missed him you didn’t know but now you felt like you couldn’t look away. “If I’m not mistaken those places are roughly twenty miles from each other at walking distance.”

“And driving distance?” An older man asked.

“I don’t think there is a way to drive to Basin Bay Point, especially not to where the body was left.” The younger man replied, looking down at the folder he was given with a frown.

“I’ll have a map ready for you on the plane.” Penelope assured him before continuing. “Now, the next two bodies were the most recent, ME says they were killed a day or two ago and these victims we have been able to identify as Taylor Gomez and her boyfriend Jack Gaskarth.” Penelope said as she brought their pictures up. “They were never reported missing because they had told friends and family they were going camping, which checks out because their bodies were found three miles away from Lewis Lake campground. They show the same wounds as the other vics.” Garcia explained.

You grimaced as you looked down at the tablet Hotch had passed you as you saw a young man and woman, naked with slices all across their bodies, as well as deep bruising to the neck.

“What was the CoD, Garcia?” The younger man spoke up again.

“ME still needs to run a full examination but her best bet is that it was asphyxiation.” She told him with a frown.

“That makes sense, there isn’t a lot of blood or scabbing which suggests they were done post mortem.”

“So what,” you spoke up, pausing for a moment when everyone turned to you, “the unsub blitz attacks the victims and kills them before torturing them? What’s the point in that?”

“It could be a number of things actually. Perhaps it’s not about the kills for him but more to do with the fascination of the human body, we’ve seen it before where curiosity leads to this kind of attack. It could also be that he has to kill, he has a compulsion to kill and once he’s given into that compulsion he gets to fulfil other urges. If I had to guess I’d say the victims are victims of opportunity-” The younger man rambled, his hands gesturing in front of him as he spoke causing you to smile.

“Because there is no set pattern, he crosses race and gender lines and there’s no secondary location.” You cut off the other man who looked at you with a grin.

“Exactly, the area is so isolated that he can get away with quick and easy killings but because it doesn’t seem like there’s a secondary location yet we have to presume that the torture is a means to satisfy himself when he can’t hold his victims hostage.”

“It’s a long flight and this unsub doesn’t appear to be slowing down. Wheels up in fifteen.” Hotch said as he stood up, everyone was quick to follow until it was just you and the guy you had spoken to left.

“Hi.” He said, causing you to turn around with a smile.

“Hi.”

“I’m Spencer, Spencer Reid.” He introduced himself.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you.” You replied, reaching out your hand to shake his, your eyebrows pulling together slightly as he shook his head.

“Sorry, I don’t um,” He said, causing you to drop your hand and nod understandingly, “it’s nothing against you, just…germs.” He trailed off, berating himself in his head.

“No problem.” You smiled again, god that smile. Spencer felt his heart race.

“Congratulations on joining the team.” He praised as the two of you walked out of the round table room.

“Thank you, I’ve wanted this for so long.” He watched as the smile fell from your face before you shook your head slightly.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, understanding the nerves. He couldn’t help but glance down, almost smiling as he saw you picking at your thumb.

“Yeah, I’m just, what if I mess up?” You couldn’t help but ask. After wanting this job for as long as you had, all the hard nights and long days spent training you were finally here and you’d be damned if you screwed everything up.

“You won’t, Hotch wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were good enough, trust me. I think you’ll be amazing.” He told you, flushing slightly at his own words and the soft smile that replaced the frown on your face.

“Thank you Spencer.” You replied softly and before he could respond the rest of the team was calling for the two of you to head to the air strip.

-

On the plane you were properly introduced to everyone as you took a seat next to Spencer, sitting opposite Hotch and Rossi. On the table in front of you Spencer had both a map of the US and a smaller map of Wyoming. You watched his fingers trace invisible lines as his eyebrows knitted together.

You were trying not to stare, really you were, but there was just something about the man that made you want to get to know him.

Thankfully before anyone noticed your eyes glancing at Spencer every few moments, the man himself spoke.

“Guys, if you map out where the five victims were found,” Spencer began, circling three places on the map as he did, “it looks like the victims might have been hiking the continental divide trail.”

“Pretty boy, isn’t that trail like thousands of miles long?” Morgan asked, watching as Spencer nodded, pushing the little map of Wyoming out of the way for a moment and drawing a line down the map of the US.

“This is the continental divide trail, it’s 3,300 miles long and it’s actually quite difficult to hike. These people had to have been exceptionally fit and healthy which further backs up the theory that these were blitz attacks. You can go days without seeing other people when hiking the trail and most hikers have to give up because of lack of supplies or needing urgent medical care from injuries and illnesses they attract. A part of the Wyoming part of the trail includes a 120 mile stretch of desert with water sources few and far between.” Spencer rambled and you couldn’t help the soft smile, though you did try to hide it behind your hand, glancing away from Rossi when you locked eyes with him and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“So we have a serial killer and 3,300 miles of potential hunting grounds?” JJ asked.

“So far he seems to be focusing on Wyoming, which narrows the geographic profile down to…’ Spencer paused as he pulled the Wyoming map closer to him, “550 miles.”

“I hope you all brought your hiking boots.” Rossi said as groans filled the jet.

“Hello my crime fighters.” Garcia’s voice sounded through the speakers. “Hotch, the families of the latest two victims are at the station waiting for you.”

“Thank you Garcia,” Hotch replied before turning to the team. “JJ, I want you to come with me to the station and help interview the families. We also need to get ahead of the media on this before they start glorifying the unsub. Reid, since the geographic profile is mostly established, I want you to take Y/L/N and head to the latest crime scene. Dave and Morgan, the two of you head to the second crime scene.”

You and Spencer both shared a look at the news you were travelling to a crime scene that couldn’t be driven too. Whilst you managed to pass the FBI’s training and fitness tests you weren’t exactly athletically inclined and seeing from the look Spencer was giving you neither was he.

Judging from the chuckles that filled the plane the others had come to the same conclusion that you and Spencer were not going to recover from this trip.

-

You had driven as close to the crime scene as you could get, which was thankfully closer than the one Morgan and Rossi had to go to. It was still a hell of a hike to get to where the unsub had dumped the bodies.

“Ok, ok,” Spencer panted, cheeks flushed from the heat. “Let’s take a break.”

“Please.” You were quick to agree and the two of you sat down heavily on a fallen tree trunk. You had all been warned that you needed supplies, even for a short hike. So you had both been sent out with backpacks filled with water bottles and food. There were other supplies like maps, compasses and first aid kits that you were hoping you wouldn’t have to use. Thankfully you had been paired with the man with the eidetic memory because you couldn’t read a map to save your life.

After the two of you gulped down some water and caught your breath Spencer spoke up.

“Why the BAU?” He asked suddenly, causing you to look up in confusion.

“Sorry?” You replied.

“You said you had wanted to join the BAU for a long time, why?” He asked again, not pushing you when you paused.

It wasn’t a secret what had happened to your family, Spencer could easily find the information out if he wanted to but you wanted to be the one to tell him. It wasn’t a story you liked sharing with people but something about Spencer made you feel…safe.

“When I was a kid there was a serial killer but he was in the next state over and we were from a small town so nobody thought to worry and after a while things went quiet so everyone just assumed he stopped, you know? Anyway, one day I went to my friend’s house, it was summer and I was always out with my friends. I was there for a few hours but I was always home in time for dinner except for this day, I ended up losing track of time and headed home an hour late. When I got home, my momma was there in the kitchen. She was covered in blood and I just screamed. The rest of my family didn’t make it either. When the police came they said the markings were the same as the victims from the next state over.” You told him, not pausing for breath as you rushed through the story. You watched as his expression fell, his sympathy written on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone. You gave him a small smile before continuing.

“I could just never understand why. The thing that kept me up at night was that question: why? Why them? Why did he come here? Why wasn’t I home? Why did I deserve to live? I started researching and somehow came across an article about the BAU, from there I knew I wanted to work there.”

“Most people wouldn’t be able to come back from something like that, especially at such a young age.” Spencer said, causing you to glance over at him. “They’d be so proud of you.”

You couldn’t help but let out what sounded like a chuckle and a sob at those words, causing Spencer’s eyes to widen in fear he had upset you further but then you smile brightly and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I like to think so.” You said softly. “You ready to continue?” You asked, chuckling as he groaned before standing up.

“I hate Hotch.” Was the grumbled response and the laugh he received in return made every sore bone and the aching feet worth it.

-

“We know that this unsub is a physically fit white male in his mid to late thirties.” Hotch began.

“Looking at the geographical pattern it’s safe to assume that he too is hiking the Continental Divide Trail in search of victims who are isolated from the rest of civilization. He also has no problems taking down two victims.” Spencer continued.

“The period in between kills is lessening so we should expect to find another body soon, have as many officers as possible on the rest of the trail.” You picked up.

“Considering the last kill was two days ago, the average person could walk up to 30 miles a day on normal terrain but we have to consider that the terrain out there is harsh so lets say he walks 20 miles a day that gives up a 40 mile radius he could be in. He is guaranteed to stay on the continental divide trail so stop every male you see.” Spencer told the LEO’s and after some more information was shared everyone headed off in different directions, the BAU members heading into the room they had been given to work in.

“Y/N,” Hotch said, causing everyone to look over at you.

“Yes sir?” You asked, looking up from your laptop.

“You’re probably the most skilled undercover agent in this room,” He said, causing your cheeks to flush and Spencer couldn’t help but smile. “I know this isn’t exactly the type of case you’d usually be assigned but perhaps if we send you out there we have a better chance of catching him. This man is impulsive, if he sees you he won’t be able to control himself.” Hotch explained, ignoring the questioning looks he was getting from most of the team.

You, however, relaxed, thankful that you hadn’t done something wrong. Undercover work was easy, you were comfortable with it, you knew you were good at it. Obviously you weren’t as confident at this part of the job yet, how could you be on your first case, but undercover work? That was your area of expertise.

“Of course sir.” You agreed easily before remembering how fun the small hike to the last crime scene was…your body would not thank you for signing up for a much longer hike.

“Hotch, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Morgan spoke up causing you to frown. Sure they didn’t know you yet but surely your record spoke for itself. “No offence to you,” he said quickly as he turned to you, “it’s just-“

But before he could finish Hotch cut him off, “I have full faith in Y/L/N’s abilities.”

You couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at Hotch’s words, a man who you looked up to, a man who barely knew you but was trusting you with so much already. You locked eyes with Spencer who smiled at you reassuringly.

“I’m not doubting the kid’s abilities,” Morgan continued, missing the way you rolled your eyes at being called a kid. “I’m just saying maybe don’t send her in on her own on her first case.”

“I’ll go with her.” Spencer spoke up before Hotch could argue back.

Your eyes widened at Spencer’s offer, he did just as well as you did on your first outing and now he was offering to put himself through hours more of that for what?

“Are you ok with that, Y/N?” Hotch asked you.

You didn’t even hesitate to nod, more than happy for the opportunity to spend time with Spencer Reid.

-

“We’ll be close by the whole time,” Hotch told you as he passed you your backpack filled with supplies, “the second we hear something, we’ll be there.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but smile at his concern.

“I’ll be fine, sir. This is actually the part of the job I’m good at.” You laughed, watching as his lip twitched upwards.

“You’ve been a great help in coming up with a profile too.” He assured you and before you could say anything the rest of the team was flooding in.

The plan for you and Spencer to hike up to a specific spot that Spencer had managed to pinpoint the unsub at and set up camp there. From there you would wait and hope for the unsub to appear. The man was impulsive and his need to kill would be overwhelming by now. The two of you were wired up so that if the unsub appeared the rest of the team could step in and help with the arrest.

You and Spencer were dropped off half an hour away from your campsite just so that if the unsub was around he wouldn’t suspect anything.

The walk was mostly silent, both you and Spencer focusing on not breaking an ankle on the uneven terrain when Spencer finally spoke up.

“Morgan didn’t mean anything insulting.” He told you, causing you to pause before shrugging your shoulders and continuing. When you stayed silent Spencer continued, “he’s just protective but sometimes he isn’t really good at showing it and it comes across…”

“It comes across like he thinks I can’t do my job despite this being my forte.” You finished with a huff before sighing. “I’m sorry, I just…you can’t imagine how many times a male colleague has said I can’t do something and then a supervisor has agreed, you don’t understand how hard I have to fight to be given assignments and not have somebody constantly berating me.” You ranted.

“People look at me like I’m a child. When I first joined the BAU nobody would take me seriously, without Gideon I don’t know what would have happened.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to frown.

“So you can understand why it’s so frustrating that someone who doesn’t know me didn’t even want to give me a chance.” You replied, causing him to nod sadly. ‘I know he probably didn’t mean anything but…”

“You’ve heard that your entire career.” Spencer finished.

“Hotch was the first person to give me a chance without any hesitation.” You told him softly, watching as he smiled at that. “This should be close enough.” You said as you looked around, the place looked similar to the image Spencer had shown the team.

“Please tell me you know how to put a tent up.” You said, watching as his face twisted.

“I know the theory?” The way his response sounded like a question made you smile as you pulled poles and material out of a bag. The two of you staring down at the mess with matching expressions of confusion.

“Now would be a really good time for the unsub to attack.” He muttered, causing you to laugh loudly. Spencer couldn’t help but grin over at you, your cheeks flushing as you caught the expression.

It took longer than either you or Spencer were willing to admit to put the tent up, despite the fact that it wouldn’t get used, you had to make it look like the pair of you were really camping. There was a lot of grumbling, many curse words and a cut or two.

There was also a lot of laughter coming from the comms in your ears causing both you and Spencer to roll your eyes.

Once the tent was up, Spencer lay a blanket down outside of it and sat down, gesturing for you to do the same. Miraculously the two of you got a fire started and as the sun set and the night time air chilled you were thankful for it.

“I don’t camp but I guess I can see the appeal.” Spencer told you as he titled his head back to look up at the stars. You glanced up too, the sky wasn’t totally black yet, more of an inky blue colour and you could see every star on the cloudless night.

It was beautiful and yet you still found your gaze falling back on Spencer.

“Yeah, me too.” You replied softly, your voice quiet so as not to break the peacefulness around you.

Somehow the two of you ended up laying down and looking up at the sky, you had a smile on your face that refused to move as Spencer’s hushed voice told you facts about stars.

“I’m glad you’re on the team.” Spencer whispered after a long pause of silence. It took you a moment to register his words before you turned your head, coming face to face with the man.

“Me too.” You whispered back, meaning the words with your entire being.

Just as Spencer went to say something you heard a rustle in the bushes and locked eyes with Spencer who nodded.

The two of you waited, not waiting to disrupt the operation if it just turned out to be an animal, but as you pushed yourself up on your elbow and discreetly looked around you saw a faint outline of a man. He was hidden behind a tree but he was watching the two of you.

“The hike up here was exactly what we needed.” You told Spencer and through the comms you heard the team moving out.

“You’re right.” He played along, smiling up at you from his reclined position.

Before you knew what was happening Spencer had his gun out and the unsub grabbed you, placing you in front of him as a human shield. If someone asked you, you would never have been able to recall the events that led to you having a knife held to your neck.

You saw the panicked look in Spencer’s eyes but you couldn’t hear his thoughts, they were overwhelming. Thoughts of Maeve passed through his mind as he pleaded with anyone who would listen to let you be ok, he couldn’t lose you too. Hell, he’d only known you a few days and yet he knew you were special, he knew he had to have you in his life. If you died now…

“Just let her go.” Spencer said, keeping his gun trained on the man.

“I let her go, you ship me off to death row.” The man responded, his face close to your face, too close. The smell of his breath had you grimacing.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Spencer responded, not even thinking. He just needed to get you away.

“Spenc, what you doing kid?” He heard Morgan through his ear piece but he just shook his head before shooting you a reassuring smile, trying not to focus on the tears in your eyes or the blood on your neck.

“I’m listenin’.” The unsub replied after a moment of silence, gesturing for Spencer to continue.

“Let her go,” He said, lowering his gun, “I won’t arrest you. You can get a head start before anyone else gets here. Just let her go.” Spencer pleaded.

It was a tense few seconds in which Spencer never took his eyes off you, he hated to see that scared look in your eyes, the fear in them made Spencer ache.

“Let her go.” Spencer said once more and he let out a sigh of relief as you were pushed into his arms.

Just as the unsub ran to leave, you twisted around in Spencer’s arms and drew your own gun, shooting the unsub in the leg. The rest of the team ran in just as the man fell to the ground.

Spencer turned you around so that you were facing him, his hands on your shoulders.

“Are you ok?” He asked, Morgan and Hotch walking over whilst Rossi and JJ dealt with the man.

You didn’t respond with words, instead you wrapped your arms around Spencer. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his own around you, holding you close as you let the tears slid down your face.

You pulled away abruptly, rubbing your eyes as you did.

“Sorry, you don’t like to be touched and here I am-“ You said but Spencer just cut you off.

“It’s fine, really.” He assured you before his attention turned to your neck. The knife hadn’t pierced the skin too badly, there was a small bit of blood where the knife had nicked you when the unsub pressed a bit too hard.

“Are you ok?” He asked again, fingers on your jaw so that he could tilt your face and get a better look.

“Spencer, I’m fine.” You assured him but that didn’t stop him from getting you medical attention the moment you were back in the town.

Spencer watched as you squirmed away from the nurse seeing to you with a soft smile.

There was something about you that made him feel so free, like he could be himself and the thought of losing you…he didn’t want to think about it again.

“You like her.” Derek said as he came to stand next to the younger man.

“That’s ridiculous, I’ve known her for a few days.” Spencer shot back but he knew his friend was right.

“If she’s the right girl, a few days is all you need.” Was Derek’s reply before he walked away, leaving Spencer looking at you with a thoughtful look on his face.

-

The plane ride home was uneventful.

You took the seat next to Spencer again and watched him pull a book out. You couldn’t help but glance down at it, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you didn’t recognise the language.

“It’s Russian.” He told you quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone as they settled in for a long flight.

“You read Russian?” You asked just as quietly, watching as he smiled bashfully and shrugged before nodding. You glanced down at the pages again before letting out a small yawn. “Can you read to me?” You asked him, smiling as he nodded again.

“Of course,” He said and with that it wasn’t long before you fell asleep to the soothing sound of Spencer Reid.

-

“Ask her, man.” Morgan said as both he and Spencer watched you leave the office after finishing your paperwork. Spencer too was done and Morgan assured him he’d make sure Hotch received it.

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before Spencer snatched his satchel up and ran to the elevators, getting there just before they shut on you.

“Hey.” He greeted as he stepped in.

“Hi.” You smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of your face.

“I was wondering, I mean if you wanted to, of course you don’t have to, I was only suggesting but I’d really like it if you would,” Spencer rambled before cutting himself out with a groaning causing you to giggle.

“Are you asking me out?” You asked, cheeks flushing as you asked.

“I’m trying to,” he told you, “but I’m not very good at this.”

“Just ask.” You told him softly.

“Would you like to go out with me?” He asked after taking a deep and calming breath.

“I’d love to.” You grinned, thankful that the man had made a move. You wouldn’t have risked asking him on the chance that you were reading him wrong and he didn’t like you but thankfully he had taken it into his own hands.

“Good. Great. That, that’s great.” He repeated, a soft grin spreading across his face causing you to giggle as the doors opened.

The two of you walked out together and there was a moment of awkward silence before Spencer dipped his head down to kiss your cheek, making your blush even more prominent.

You looked so pretty when you blushed, Spencer thought.

“I’ll call you.” He promised.

“I hope so.” You replied before heading towards your car, when you turned around you saw Spencer still stood by the doors with a smile still on his face. You giggled to yourself but couldn’t stop smiling yourself if you tried.

Spencer Reid was something else and you couldn’t wait to learn everything about that wonderful man.

[leafsgarbage]

no one but you | s.k.

Synopsis: Kiyoomi has a reputation, and you begin to wonder if it precedes him.

Genre: Angst, fluff 

Warnings: mentions of blood, stabbing, guns, and some others.

Pairings: kiyoomi x f!reader, badboy!kiyoomi x f!reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Song Rec:  Style - Taylor Swift, i don’t want to watch the world end with someone else - Clinton Kane

Main Masterlist 

Sakusa Kiyoomi was known for a lot of things. None of them being good. He was notorious for being a man of few words but harsh actions. Some say he’s killed a man, others say he’s just putting up a front. 

You never really decided to listen to the rumors. Leaving them unanswered was better than finding out it was something worse. He never bothered you and your paths never crossed before. It was easy for him to remain a mystery to you.

You on the other hand, were known for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s what happened as you rounded the corner of your favorite music shop leaving the store with your brand new microphone that you worked hard to buy.

In an instant, it was thrown on the floor, broken, and you had a hand over your mouth and a knife to your throat. “I seen you walking around this girl Sakusa, I don’t know what she is to you, but I’ll slit her throat right now unless you hand over the fucking molly.” 

Your eyes widen, body shaking. Kiyoomi looked cool and calm, not even batting an eye. “You’re one stupid mother fucker then. She’s just a schoolmate. I barely know her.” 

“I guess there’s no harm in killing her then.” You close your eyes only to feel the man ripped away from you.

“Killing girls is low, even for you.” Sakusa throws the man towards the two guys he was with. “Take care of it.” He holds your shoulders causing you to look at him. “Are you alright?” You nod, unable to speak. “Hey, I’m sorry about that.” You look solemnly at your broken microphone sitting sadly in pieces on the floor. Kiyoomi follows your gaze and picks it up. “I’ll replace it.”

He grabs your arm and leads you back to the store. “It’s expensive.”

Kiyoomi rolls his eyes. “I got it.” And he did. You pointed out which microphone and he bought you the whole set with a stand and everything. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say.

He shakes his head, stopping in his tracks. “He mistook you for my sister, I apologize for putting you in that situation. I wanted to buy it for you, y/n.”

“I didn’t know you knew my name.” You chuckle.

“How could I not? You’re always on the announcements for something. You do a lot of good things.” He compliments and your cheeks flush. “Anyway, head home safely, steer clear of these parts, it’s no good for you.”

“My favorite shop is here.” You point out.

He clicks his tongue before giving you a stern look. “It’s dangerous here.” Then he walks away.

Quickly, before you forget, you yell out, “Thank you!” He doesn’t say anything back and just keeps moving. 

From that day on, you begin to notice Sakusa around school a lot more than you have before. He’s at his locker as you walk by and you send a smile his way, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. He ignores it and continues his conversation. You wonder why he had the sudden change of demeanor when he was so nice to you before. 

You’re a little hurt, but you don’t have time to dwell on it as your vice-president comes and shakes your shoulders. “L/n, we’ve got a meeting with Fukurodani tomorrow, do you have the spreadsheet?”

Your eyes pull away from Kiyoomi to focus on Tora. “Um, yea they’re in my locker, I’ll get them tomorrow.” 

Tora peers to where you were looking at and sees Sakusa giving him a once over before scoffing and heading out with his friends. “What’s his problem.”

“What?” You ask.

“Nothing, just keep away from Kiyoomi, it’s dangerous here with him.” Tora’s words hit you like the warning Sakusa told you not too long ago. “Maybe you should change your locker or something...”

You tune him out and leave to head to your next class. 

From that point on you listened a lot more to everyone who gossiped about Kiyoomi. Some said he was a drug dealer which you didn’t think was too far off. Maybe he just needed extra cash, you didn’t want to assume what his home life was like, maybe he was poor. You thought that was the most probable option.

Then again, if he’s just a drug dealer, you wonder why he always travels with people surrounding him. Usually they work alone, or so you thought. 

When school’s over, you head to your student council meeting, you have to discuss the funding over prom and the pep rally which was very big for the seniors. “Good afternoon everyone, I hope we’ve got everything ready to solidify some plans.” You wait for them to get their papers ready. “Umi, what’s the budget looking like?”

Your treasurer discusses some ideas she has with budgeting and as a whole you tweak the plans in order to fit and by five you have a solid plan. “This is great everybody, I’ll see you all next week, send out any emails you were tasked with today. I’ll contact the principal to let them know.”

You wrap up your things as Tora comes up to you. “Hey, do you need me to walk you home.”

“That’s really nice, Tora. I’m alright, I’ve got some errands to run any way.” He nods before heading out the door. You exit about 10 minutes later and bump into someone. “I’m sorry.”

He chuckles shaking his head. “That’s alright y/n.”

“Oh, hey Komori! Long time no see.” He nods his head with a bright smile. “How’s volleyball going?”

“It’s pretty good, hopefully we’ll get passed the third round this time.” He says hopefully.

You hum. “I thought the volleyball team was solid about two years ago? Was it the seniors?”

He shakes his head. “My cousin and some our friends were on the team, all of us together worked really well, but when they left, it was a hard punch to really replace them.” 

“I’m sorry Komori, volleyball is still a big part of the school, maybe next year there’ll be some fresh talent.” You assure him.

“Thanks y/n, get home safe, I’ll see you.” He waves and you wave back.

You couldn’t remember Komori having a cousin, let alone them being on the volleyball team together your freshman year. To be fair you weren’t really involved in much till the end of your first year. You make a mental note to check the yearbook when you get home. 

As you’re walking a man purposely bumps into you and makes you drop your phone. You bend to pick it up, “What a bit-”

“Hey, you’re Sakusa’s sister right?” The man asks.

You tilt your head to the side, aggravated. “What?” Before he steps any closer, some guys pop out of nowhere and get the man on the ground. 

“You got a lot of nerve showing up here.” They say to him, and you recognize them. They’re the guys Sakusa was with last time. 

You take in a breath slowly backing away before bumping into someone again. You tilt your head up to be met with Kiyoomi’s stare. “You’ve got a knack for getting yourself in trouble.”

“Maybe I was just trying to find you.” You don’t know what possessed you to spit back like that but you instantly flush.

“Funny. Let’s go.” He grabs your arm pulling you away from the scene, and once you’re far enough he asks, “Where do you live?”

You give him a look. “Now why would I tell you that?”

He seems to have taken this the wrong way because his relaxed face contorts and he nods. He lets go of your arm turning around. “Got it.”

You grab his hand before he can go. “I just wanted some more answers. You seem to know some things about me so I just wanted to know some things about you.”

Sakusa ponders this for a moment. “We’ll walk and talk.”

Immediately, you hit a hard-hitting question. “Are you a drug dealer?”

His eyes widen and a smile crosses his face for a moment. “Here I thought you were going to ask what my middle name was.”

“You didn’t answer the question.” You say.

“I never said I would answer.” He retorts, and you guess he’s technically right. “But it’s a little more complicated than that.”

You hum. “I think I can keep up.”

“I know you can. I don’t know if I want you to.” You look up at him with sweet eyes. “I don’t want you to look at me any differently than you are now.”

The two of you stop walking and you take in his appearance. Even with how rugged he acts his demeanor and clothes don’t show it at all. If anything he’s the epitome of cleanliness and perfection. “I don’t think I could.” In your eyes, Kiyoomi was perfect. 

He chuckles lowly. “You’re supposed to be smart, y/n. Walking with me and playing 20 questions isn’t very smart of you.”

“Maybe I’m actually dumb.” You shrug. “Why can’t I be around you?”

“I told you, I’m no good.” He tells you.

“Why?” You spit back. “If you give me no real reason I’ll continue to talk to you.”

He shakes his head, both frustrated and equally taken with you. “It’s a family business.”

Your nose scrunches at his response. “What? Like a gang?”

“Something like that.” He nods. “People have interesting theories, but most of them are wrong. The drug dealer one I would roll with since it was easy.” You continue to walk and he peers at you only to see you have no sort of reaction. “Are you not phased by that?”

“You want me to run away screaming?” You ask smiling.

He purses his lips to prevent your smile from infecting his face. “That would be a bit more of a common reaction.”

“Maybe. Not for me.” You turn your eyes up to look at him and he swears you smile with your eyes. Your stare looks the same. There’s no judgment or fear, and he wonders just where did you come from.

Finally, you’ve made it to your house and you turn to Kiyoomi. “Not what I was expecting.” He mumbles.

You place your hands on your hips. “Are you house shaming Kiyoomi?” It was odd saying his name to him, but he didn’t seem bothered by it so you decided it was alright.

“It suits you.” He says. “Goodnight, y/n.”

He turns to walk away but you call out to him. “We’re friends now, right Kiyoomi?”

“It’s best not to be.” You huff under your breath, and against his better judgement, he continues. “But yea, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

You slept with a smile on your face, and Kiyoomi shook his head wondering just how he got himself wrapped up in the thought of you. He went to sleep, with a little skip in his heart that day. 

The next day at school, you approached Kiyoomi, his band of brothers around him eyed you, but Kiyoomi ushered you to come closer to him. They didn’t question it and let you in. “This is y/n, y/n, these are my friends.” Everyone said their name and you tried your best to remember them all. 

Once the warning bell rang you turned to Kiyoomi. “I gotta go.”

“What time do you get out today?” He asks.

“Around six, I have a meeting with Fukurodani board today.” You respond.

He nods his head before heading off. 

You didn’t know what he was getting at until you exited the school to find him leaning against the front gates. “Were you waiting here this whole time?” You ask once you get close.

“Had some things to do before, got here 10 minutes ago.” He nods his head in the direction of your house. “Let’s go.”

These walks became a regular occurrence. You learned a lot about Sakusa and he learned a lot about you. He used to play volleyball and Komori is actually his cousin. He loved volleyball but needed to give it up once his father had gotten sick in order to keep the family business going. 

He had two younger sisters, one in high school as a freshman and one in middle school. Although he didn’t say it, you could tell he loves them both to pieces. He liked everything to be in order and hated when life threw him random curve balls. He enjoyed listening to music but can’t play anything to save his life. 

He learned that you can play a whole bunch of instruments but don’t play in school because it’s not really your scene. Now, he knows that you’re hardly ever impractical and you can’t help yourself from taking pictures of him or the two of you together. Especially when he doesn’t know you’re taking a picture.  

“Why do you juggle so many things at once?” He asks you.

You sigh and look down at your hands, so close to touching. “You know people who shouldn’t be together but are?” He nods. “Those are my parents. They’re always at each other, and it’s easy to stay out with a valid reason than to just leave the house just because.” Kiyoomi doesn’t say anything, and you don’t expect him too. “Plus, it helps a lot in college applications.” You smile to make light, but Kiyoomi keeps his serious expression.

He takes a hold of your hand, but he doesn’t mention it and neither do you. “You wanna get something to eat tomorrow?”

With you, it’s easy for Kiyoomi to pretend he’s something he’s not. It’s easy to pretend that he’s just a normal guy waiting for a pretty girl to come out of her house and take her for some dinner. He wants to be that and he wonders if you want that from him too.

You walk out of your house quickly walking down the steps to him. Kiyoomi’s hardly ever seen you in anything but your school uniform, and he can see that it doesn’t do you enough justice. “Well?” You ask gesturing to your outfit.

He swallows the lump in his throat and just smiles. It’s wonderful and he didn’t have to say anything for you to understand he thought you were beautiful. “Let’s go.” He says opening the door for you.

“You look handsome Kiyoomi.” You compliment before getting in the car. You don’t see it, but there’s just the smallest tint of red on his cheeks. 

The restaurant is beautiful and it looks pricey. You wanted to pay for the meal, but you’re not sure how you’re going to. Sakusa notices your worry and grabs your hand squeezing it. “I got it.”

You’re seated at a booth and you wonder if it was from the last debate you and Kiyoomi were having. You always said booth was better than plain chairs. “This place is lovely, how did you find it?”

“The owners are family friends.” You two look at the menu for a bit and then the waiter comes to take your orders. It’s hard not to notice the way he seems a bit intimidated by Kiyoomi and you wonder if he knows who he is. You give him a look and before he can answer a man and woman come up to your table.

“Kiyoomi,” an older man calls out. “How have you been?”

Kiyoomi shakes his hand and dips his head a bit. “Sato-san, nice to see you.” He gestures to you. “Y/n this is Sato-san, the owner of the restaurant, Sato-san this is y/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” You greet. The man takes your hand and kisses the top of it.

He smiles weirdly at you but you don’t mention it. “Great to see you’ve found someone Kiyoomi, we’ll be in touch, I’m sure Mina is excited for you.” They walk away and you turn back to Kiyoomi.

“The woman he’s with is his mistress, he prefers you not speak to her. He’s been wanting his daughter to marry me for a while now.” He explains.

You choke on the air, eyes wide. “Married? You’re only 18.”

“That’s kinda how my world works.” He shrugs it off.

“Can you explain to me what kind of world this is now?” He shakes his head. “Why not?”

Kiyoomi clicks his tongue, knowing how he couldn’t keep it from you forever. “I just like the fact that you’re not a part of it. I want this such normalcy. Telling you would make it feel different.”

You shake your head. “Kiyoomi, I’m not asking you because I’m nosy. I want to know because this is a part of your life and I’m here for every single piece of you. Even the part you seem to hate.”

He’s touched, and you know it from the way he immediately grasps your hand for comfort. He does this when he’s at a loss for words. “Ok.” He says and explains everything. His family is a very powerful mafia of sorts and deals in a lot of things, most not very legal. However they have legal business where they are able to hide the money coming in from outside sources. It was a lot, and you’ve never heard Kiyoomi talk for so long. “It’s dangerous to even be seen near me y/n.”

“But it feels wrong to be away from you.” You argue.

He smiles, relieved that you’re still you and he’s still him in your eyes. “Yea, I guess you’re right.” He chuckles. You get up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. 

When you come out of the bathroom, one hand is over your mouth and another is pointing a gun to your waist. “Scream and I’ll shoot.” You nod your head quickly agreeing to his terms. He removes his hand and takes you outside to a car filled with men. “Get in.” 

Your eyes fill with tears and you’re about to get in the car before you hear a thump. You turn to see the man knocked out and see Eiko, one of Kiyoomi’s friends you met and the rest of them taking care of the men in the car.

“Y/n, don’t freak out alright. I need you to go back to Kiyoomi and tell him snakes are here. He’ll get you out safely.” You nod not saying a word.

Once you come into Kiyoomi’s sight, he can tell something was wrong. He gets up and grabs your shoulders to steady you. “Eiko said that snakes are here.” Kiyoomi’s face hardens and he holds you close to him. He grabs all your things and takes you to a back exit. 

He gets you in the car quickly before driving off. “Fuck.” He mutters under his breath. He’s looking in his rearview constantly and making unnecessary turns. Just to check. “They’re not following us.” He tells you and you nod.

The drive is silent, and once you get to your house Kiyoomi turns off the car and just sits. “Kiyoomi?” You call out.

“I’m sorry y/n.” He walks you to your door and kisses the top of your forehead. “Goodnight.”

The next day at school, Kiyoomi is nowhere in sight. Tora comes up to you waving. “Hey what are you looking for?”

“Nothing,” you mumble before heading off to class. For the rest of the week Kiyoomi is a no-show. You tried calling and texting him but he won’t answer or pick up. 

You get desperate and find Komori at practice. “Hi y/n.” He smiles.

“Where is he?” You ask cutting to the chase.

He shakes his head. “Y/n, I think it’s best you don’t try to find him.”

“Don’t say that to me, tell me where he is Komori or I’ll figure it out myself.” You spit back.

He eventually relents and gives you the address to his house. You make your way over there right after school. It’s a huge house in a very nice neighborhood and suddenly you feel out of place.

You ring the doorbell and a girl opens it. “Hello?” She says.

“Hi, are you Kimiko? Sakusa’s sister?” You ask and she eyes you wearily.

“Y/n?” She asks and you nod. “Kiyoomi told me not to let you in.” 

Your shoulders slump. “Could you just let him know I’m here?”

“I’ll let you in, he got me upset today.” You thank her tremendously and she shows you where Kiyoomi’s room was. “He’s in there.” You thank here again before knocking on the door.

He doesn’t open so you knock again. When he doesn’t come you just open the door. Kiyoomi has headphones in and he’s on his balcony just staring. You make your way to him, but before you could touch him he grabs your hand quick. His eyes widen before taking his headphones off. “Y/n?”

“I’m upset with you Kiyoomi.” You say. He doesn’t respond so you keep going. “You don’t just get to disappear from my life after the hole you made in it. That’s not fair.”

He shakes his head. “I told you y/n, I want you safe.”

“I won’t be safe all the time Kiyoomi. And if I want to be here with you, who are you to tell me I can’t?” You yell.

“What if I don’t want you here?” He says.

“I know that’s not true! So I can’t understand why you can’t just let me be here with-”

“Because I’m in love with you, y/n!” He yells and you keep quiet. He grabs your face and leans his forehead on yours. “Because I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me. I would rather be miserable the rest of my life without you, knowing you were safe. I-” 

You grab his face and kiss him to get him to stop talking. Just wanting to be near him and feel him. He reciprocates this, holding you tighter to him if that’s even possible. You tangle your fingers in his hair as he secures and arm around your waist.

You’re so overwhelmed you cry, and he pulls away asking if you’re ok. “I love you too Kiyoomi. I don’t care whether you’re bad news or not. You were always perfect to me. And I don’t want to go about my life as if you haven’t become my whole world.”

Then he does what you know so well, he holds your hand and doesn’t say a word in that moment. “I’d rather watch the world burn than not have you in it.” He whispers and you wonder just where he came up with something like that. “I’m sorry y/n.” You don’t say anything, just hold him close to you trying to make up for the week without him. 

You didn’t know it at the time, but Kiyoomi was listening to his favorite song that you wrote.

When you leave for school the next day, Kiyoomi’s waiting for you outside your house. “Y/n, there’s somebody outside?” Your mom questions.

You look and have to prevent yourself from smiling so wide. “Yea, he’s on student council with me, he’s gonna give me a ride.” You bid your parents goodbye and skipped out side. “Good morning,” you smile.

“Good morning beautiful.” He opens the door and you hop in the car. Once he’s in you lean over the console and kiss him. He smiles into you. “That was nice.” You sit back down with a little laugh. On the drive to school Kiyoomi holds your hand and talks to you about some of the errands he has to run today. 

Once you make it, you unbuckle and turn to Kiyoomi. “Ready?” You ask.

He gets out first then opens the door for you. The two of you step out together hand-in-hand with most everyone staring. He drops you off at your locker placing a quick kiss on your forehead. 

Tora and Umi quickly approach you after he’s left with the most confused look. “Y/n?” They ask.

“Yea?”

“When- since when have you been friends with Kiyoomi.” Tora asks.

You roll your eyes and pat his shoulder. “For a while, you just have to pay more attention.” You smile before heading towards your boyfriend and his friends.

“Hi y/n.” They greet and you smile at them. Kiyoomi grins and wraps an arm around you before walking off to drop you off at class.

After school Kiyoomi is there to pick you up, but he’s without his car. “Hi beautiful.” You run up to him and he picks you up, squeezing you close to him. He places you down and fixes your hair his face turning serious. “I need you to do something for me.”

“What is it?”

He cups your face placing a kiss on your nose. “It’s getting a bit dangerous as our rival is trying to take over Tokyo right now, and they’ll do anything to get it. Don’t walk alone. Call me and I’ll get you.”

“Ok Kiyoomi.” You smile and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t stress, everything will be ok.” For a moment he was at peace.

That peace did not last long. By the end of the week you and Kimiko along with Sakusa’s mother were tied to uncomfortable chairs with cloth over your mouths. You were waiting for Kiyoomi when you were immediately taken as soon as you stepped out of school. 

A man walked in and the others straightened up right away. “Where’s the little one?” He asks.

One of his workers steps up. “Kaito Sakusa was heavily guarded and we were outnumbered.”

He doesn’t look happy but eyes you specifically. “Who is that?”

“Sakusa’s girlfriend, sir.”

The man hums and mumbles something to his men. He comes closer to you and crouches down. “Remove her gag.” They roughly tear it off you, but you don’t say anything, just stare at the man as if he’s gum on the bottom of your shoe. “I’m going to call Sakusa, and you’re going to tell him to give up Tokyo.” You stay silent as he dials a number.

Once he picks up you hear his voice. “Nanami you fuck-”

“Ah ah ah.” He tests. “I hold the cards here, your girlfriend wants to say something Sakusa.” You keep your mouth shut not wanting to give anything away. “She needs a little convincing.”

The man behind you stabs a switchblade right through your leg and you scream from the pain. You don’t say anything. Not even as he twirls the knife. You heave trying to catch your breath. “What do you want.” Sakusa grits through the phone.

“Tokyo. You have one hour. First to go is the pretty girl you have here.” He hangs up and the man pulls the knife out from your leg. Kimiko makes noises to try to get someone to help you but they couldn’t care less. Her mother hands her a piece of cloth and Kimiko places it on your leg, unable to tie it.

“Hold on y/n.” She tries to say through the cloth. 

Not even twenty minutes pass and there’s a shootout going on between Sakusa’s group and Nanami’s. Sakusa’s mother throws herself to the ground in the chair and Kimiko grabs your chair so both of you fall on the floor. You’re in and out of consciousness as you’ve lost a lot of blood. 

Eiko makes it to you guys, untying Sakusa’s mother and Kimiko. “She lost a lot of blood Eiko.” Sakusa’s mother says. He unties you quickly picking you up and getting you out of there.

Kiyoomi runs out once everything is done and sees Eiko with you limp and he thinks the worst. “She’s alive.” He clears up. “I put a strap on her leg to stop the bleeding but she’s lost so much already.” Kiyoomi hugs his sister and mother before turning back to Eiko.

“Drive us to Doctor Kim, right now.” He takes you from Eiko and rushes to the car. He holds you close to him whispering. “You’re gonna be ok y/n, I promise, I’m so sorry.” He kisses your forehead and apologizes the rest of the way.

Thankfully, you didn’t sustain terrible injury, you’ll just have to stay off your leg for a while but it should heal all back to normal. Kiyoomi’s mother approached him sitting in a chair next to your bed. “Doctor says she’ll wake soon.” She places her hand on top of his to get him to look at her. “Why did you never mention her?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t want her a part of this.” That’s what Kiyoomi thought. If no one but him knew, then nothing bad would ever happen to you.

“We could have placed more security on her if we knew.” Kiyoomi flinches because he knows she’s right. He wanted to believe that everything was normal when it wasn’t. “I love you Kiyoomi, but if you truly care about her, you need to make sure she’s completely aware of everything that could happen to her.” She kisses the top of his head and heads out just as you wake up.

Kiyoomi takes a hold of your hand, scanning over you to see if anything was wrong. “Hi.” You croak and Kiyoomi hands you some water.

“I’m so sorry y/n.” He leans his head on your arm. “I’m sorry I let this happen.”

You place your hand on his cheek to pick up his head. “It’s not your fault, Kiyoomi. I’m a little shaken but I don’t blame you, not even a little. Come here.” He carefully lays next to you, engulfing you in a hug. “I knew what could happen Kiyoomi, but I decided that all of that was worth it if I could get to hold you like this.”

“I love you.” He says squeezing your hand and you squeeze his right back. “Your parents are waiting, the doctor told them you had an accident in the science lab. I’m sorry we had to lie.”

“That’s ok, I think they’d ask me to stop seeing you if we told them otherwise.” You giggle. Your parents come in and rush to your side asking you a whole bunch of questions, but you were happy because for once they both were on the same page. “I’m ok, mom, dad, this is Kiyoomi. Kiyoomi, these are my parents.” 

They shake hands and your mom asks him what happened and Kiyoomi explains to the best of his ability. 

You were nervous for what a life with Kiyoomi would mean, but with the way his hand always came back to yours no matter what, your fears are subdued. 

And with your hand in his, Kiyoomi knew he’d keep you safe no matter what it took. He wanted no one but you.

A/N: I kinda loved this lol

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[littlespoonevan]

Hi Ciara!! Im new to the fandom and was wondering if you had any fics to recommend? Like what are your top ride-or-dies that are quintessential buddie reads

Hey, my love! Welcome to the fandom!! I can definitely recommend you some fics :D this is a fic rec i made a while back which includes some of my all time favourite fics so i'm gonna add some newer fics here that have weaved their way into my heart :’) you can also find my buddie ao3 bookmarks here 

This is the place we were made by justhockey

Buck learned far too young that you should never make homes out of people.

When you have as much baggage as he does - boxes upon boxes of carefully wrapped trauma with fragile stickers taped to the sides - no one ever wants to help you unpack.

standing on the brink of emptiness by woodchoc_magnum

In which Eddie is struggling in the aftermath of being shot, learning how to take care of himself and realising he's in love with Buck; and Buck is dating Taylor, taking care of Eddie and Christopher and trying to figure out why he's so goddamn confused about everything.

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by HMSLusitania

In which the past catches up in unexpected ways, the universe finds a new voice to scream with, and an LA rain storm changes everything.

OR

Buck 1.0 fathered a child and Buck 4.0 comes into custody.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak:

Marry Buck.

First Best by hopeintheashes

"How come you're never around anymore?" Chris asks, in the moment he's least prepared.

"What do you want?" Taylor asks, tangled up on the couch together, wine in hand.

What he wants— who he wants— feels impossibly far away.

. . .

Buck and Taylor as friends with benefits, where the benefits are platonic cuddling and a little bit of tough love.

Buck and Eddie, figuring out that they don't have to live without each other, or by anyone else's rules.

In which everyone finally learns to ask for what they need.

but I called from the dark and you picked up the phone by allisonRW96

"Last time it was a thing that happened to him. Bad. Ugly. But past-tense. He forced down the memories to focus on more important things. This time, it’s like it never stopped happening. Like the bullet never exited his body and instead it’s still ricocheting around in there. Like it won’t stop until it tears up every part of him. "

Eddie has a bad night. Buck's there for him.

Before the Night Fades by MilenaDaniels

“I have a bottle of champagne, four champagne flutes, one engagement ring to go into one of those champagne flutes, and a note to deliver it all to table 34 with dessert,” Tomas explains, wide-eyed, throwing his hand back to the prep station where said champagne is waiting on ice next to four flutes and a small ring box.

“Okay?”

“Okay so there’s two men and two women and I have no idea who’s getting proposed to. I’m not even 100% on who came with who."

---

Or, EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night.

Close My Eyes and Stumble (Right Into Your Love) by HMSLusitania

Eddie's PTSD is just that little bit worse and when he moves to Los Angeles, instead of joining the LAFD, he joins dispatch.

Which is all good and fine, except for this one firefighter he keeps ending up talking to.

underneath my scars by woodchoc_magnum

Post 5x01 "Panic", in which Eddie struggles with his panic attacks, Buck helps him through it, and they find their way to each other.

i don't swim and you're not in love by hattalove

She turns to Eddie and says something else, but Buck is busy fighting the headrush he gets at the sound of Ana Flores calling Eddie and Christopher 'the boys'. Like they belong to her already.

God, what’s wrong with him? What is this?

or, eddie cooks, chris domesticates a slug, and buck tries to figure out why he hates his best friend's girlfriend. to everyone's immense shock and surprise, it goes badly.

tell the whole wide world and this room by hattalove

"I talk a lot. It’s probably not fun to sit through for something you’ll just instantly forget."

Eddie tilts his head. “Who’s forgetting?”

in which we learn about fermented milk products, discover that dolphins are sex fiends, and realize that sometimes, it really is all about knowing and being known.

with every heartbeat i have left by iriswests

Buck and Eddie were expecting to have a little girl.

When their baby girl is born a baby boy, instead, Buck is suddenly confronted with everything he’s been ignoring since he learned about Daniel every time he looks at his son.

--

or; buck and eddie have a baby boy, and buck spirals a little bit

when i was shipwrecked (i thought of you) by catching_paper_moons

Buck walks toward Jee-Yun’s room, still talking, and Christopher trails after him, asking excited questions in response, and Eddie’s smile grows. He wants this forever. Everything, every part of it; Buck, Christopher, and him—that’s all he needs. And—

Oh. Oh no. He shuts his eyes for a moment, inhaling sharply.

He’s looking at Buck, and feeling something strictly not platonic at all.

or: Eddie needs to learn how to let himself feel, and one step at a time, he learns how to do just that. (And he falls in love with Buck along the way.)

shout if you want my heart by hattalove

“I’m not even in the neighborhood of mad,” he says, instead of vomiting any of the thousand feelings warring inside him. “But Buck. This would’ve—this took you hours.”

“I’m good at multitasking,” Buck says, and Eddie can practically hear him shrugging over the phone. “I did all the cooking after I put Chris to bed, and then I got up a little earlier to get the cleaning and laundry done. It was nothing.”

Eddie’s starting to suspect he’ll have to wait for Buck to come back to make him understand that, actually, it kind of was everything.

or, eddie has a tupperware-induced emotional crisis.

no kingdom to come by waywardrenegades

Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like.

or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.

Plus or Minus by ElvenSorceress

"Chris said you were crying. You came home, hugged him, and cried more than he’s ever seen.”

Eddie considers for a moment but then shrugs and continues neatly stacking mugs in the cupboard. “It happens. Sometimes. I’ve been told I’m supposed to let it out instead of bottle it up. So. There you go.”

“Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?”

Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it.

“I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—”

“Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.”

~~~

Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her.

Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.

i did, i did, i do by hattalove

I didn’t know what it meant when you kissed me up against that counter, Buck wants to say. He wants to name every place that’s hurt to see for the past three years. Wants to remind Eddie of the way they used to be in bed together, quiet and all-consuming, the way their hands would curl together on Eddie’s stomach in their sleep. Wants to ask why Ana isn’t there anymore, why Eddie doesn’t tell him to get out when Buck’s spending the seventh consecutive night on his couch.

Buck wants, and wants, and wants.

Isn’t that the story of his life.

or the one in which, a couple of weeks after meeting each other, buck and eddie fell in love, broke up, and then forgot to fall out of it.

your summer sun forever by hattalove

“Crisis averted,” he says, and bites his lip to get the sting in his eyes to go away. He’s still a little rattled about Oklahoma, is all.

They’ll settle into being together. Into being in love.

or, buck learns a thing or two about the difference between a love that is spoken, and a love that is felt.

[phoebe-delia]

Hogwarts Talent Show Headcanon

Yes, yes this is sorta like my karaoke headcanon but it's different enough so whatever lol. Enjoy! Takes place after the war, so 8th year.

To promote inter-house unity, McGonagall announces the First Annual Hogwarts Talent Show.

Everyone thinks it sounds lame at first, but most of them are intrigued enough to try it once McGonagall says that the winning act will get a prize of a free dinner for two in Hogsmeade.

Everyone will vote on their favorite act, but they vote on parchment that's magically charmed to prevent them from voting for themselves.

The acts are as follows:

Ron burps the alphabet (He can totally do this how is this not canon? It's honestly like 30% of the reason why Hermione broke up with him shortly after the war ended.)

Hermione demonstrates a series of obscure but useful spells to make life easier that she read in random books in the Restricted Section. McGonagall raises an eyebrow knowingly at Hermione as she walks off the stage and Hermione doesn't meet her eyes.

Luna plays the recorder, and it moves a few people to tears with how surprisingly beautiful it is. When she finishes the song, she just smiles at the audience and walks off before they can applaud.

Seamus and Dean partner up for an act. Seamus is center stage, sitting on a stool and holding a banana. Dean is off stage with a microphone, narrating and adding dramatic commentary as Seamus nonchalantly peels and eats the banana. It's the funniest act of the night.

Neville is a surprisingly good DJ. He shows off his remixes and mashups and they're really fun; after the show, McGonagall asks him to be the DJ for the Yule Ball.

Pansy and Draco perform a lip-sync to the "Me Against the Music" by Britney Spears. Ron doesn't notice the way that both Hermione and Harry both go wide-eyed and blush during the performance.

Finally, it's Harry's turn.

Harry walks on stage and grins at the audience.

"For those of us who grew up in Muggle households, it came as quite a shock to find that not only was magic real but that we were magical. We heard of Muggle magicians who performed sleight-of-hand tricks for entertainment, and while the average Muggle couldn't tell you how it was performed, no one believes that magic is real."

"Well today," Harry says with a smirk. "I'm going to bring a bit of Muggle magic to Hogwarts. But I'll need a volunteer."

Countless hands shoot up in the air as students clamor and shout for Harry to notice them, to pick them. While McGonagall tries to settle them down, Harry's eyes search the crowd, overlooking every waving arm to find—

"Malfoy, how about you?"

Draco looks up with a start, trying valiantly not to blush as the entire school stares at him with a mix of shock and jealousy.

Draco shakes his head "Er, Potter, I don't—"

"C'mon Malfoy, what, are you scared?"

As a wave of "Ooohhh"s ripples through the audience, Draco clenches his jaw. "You wish."

Everyone whispers fervently as Draco walks onto the stage to greet Harry, who grins.

"Alright, Malfoy," Harry reaches into his pocket to reveal a deck of cards, which he fans out in his hand in front of Draco. "Pick a card, any card, and don't tell me what it is."

Draco raises an eyebrow, but he selects a random card and examines it; a king of hearts.

"Have you got a good look?"

Draco grits his teeth but nods.

"Good, now put it back." Harry offers the deck for Draco to easily slide the card back with the others.

Draco watches, fascinated, as Harry shuffles the deck. Draco tries to listen to what Harry is muttering about; something about the importance of 'building bridges' and 'healing.' But all Draco can focus on is the easy, practiced way Harry's hands manipulate and shuffle the cards.

Finally, Harry holds out the deck in one hand and uses the other to wave over it. "Abracadabra," he says dramatically, staring intently at the cards as if they hold the secrets to the universe.

Harry steadfastly ignores the mix of bewilderment and suspicion on Draco's face. "Go on, choose another card."

Draco picks one; it’s the ten of spades.

"Is that your card?" Harry asks hopefully.

"No," Draco can’t suppress a satisfied smirk as he shows the wrong card to Harry.

Harry frowns. "Hmm...Okay, let's try again." He clears his throat and repeats the same action as before, this time enunciating the "Abracadabra" a bit more clearly. Satisfied, he looks back up at Draco expectantly. "Pick another, please."

Draco rolls his eyes, but he reached into the deck and pulls a four of diamonds.

"Is that your card?"

"No, Potter."

Harry looks so defeated, Draco has to suppress it when he feels his chest twinge in sympathy.

"Damn. I really wanted to get you that card back," Harry says mournfully.

Draco rolls his eyes. "Yes, so did I. I was quite fond of it."

"Oh, wait, actually, I think I can help you there. Check your pocket for me, would you?"

Draco furrows his eyebrows but he reaches into his pockets, his eyes widening when his right hand clasps a flimsy, smooth plastic card.

He takes it out and gapes at it in astonishment as the words, "Dinner?" flash and settle into the king of hearts. Draco looks up at Harry, who smiles sheepishly.

"So, Malfoy? Was that your card?"

"Yeah," Draco breathes, nodding quickly.

Harry grins. "So...is that a yes, then?"

Two nights later, Harry and Draco sit in a corner booth at the Three Broomsticks. Harry reaches gently behind Draco's ear to reveal a galleon.

Draco surges forward and kisses Harry, and all Harry can think is, Abracadabra, indeed.

My ask box is empty!! Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it.

[broadstbroskis]

no better company than you | nathan mackinnon

a/n: alright, i’m rolling in late for @antoineroussel oussel summer exchange (thank you love, for running such a lovely exchange again, it was wonderful and i’m glad i was able to particiapte) and i’m very sorry for the lateness! i had the pleasure of writing for the lovely @ghstandpucks​ 💜 again, i am SO sorry about the wait but i hope you enjoy this! 

word count: 3.2k

-----

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I’m late!” You slide into the booth and throw your bag down next to you, hoping to god you don’t look as frazzled as you feel; this restaurant is far too nice.

Nate just smiles at your words, too familiar with your family by now to know that you’re always running 5-10 minutes behind. He’s ordered a bottle of wine- a nice rosé, fitting for the beautiful end of summer day- and had already started pouring a matching glass for you the second you started sitting down. “How’d the interview go?”

You bite your lip. “Eh.” 

“I’m sure it went better than you think.” Nate says encouragingly. “You’re too hard on yourself. All three of you are.”

And well, that’s not a lie. Your siblings were just as critical of themselves as you were. Sid was famously known for it and Taylor, your twin, was as bad as you. But…

“Listen to you!” You laugh at him. Nate’s just as bad as the three of you. A mini-Sid in many ways, to many people in your hometown.

But that was in Canada. This was Denver. And here, Nate was cool. Laid-back. Lowkey. Everything a professional athlete should be. Nobody knew about what a dork he really was, except his teammates.

And now, maybe you too, if all went well with this job interview.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nate says, looking at his menu to feign ignorance.

You giggle, pulling your own up toward your face. “Sure, buddy.”

It’s not often that you and Nate spend time one on one like this, even if you see him all the time over the summer. He’s usually with your brother when you see him, politely trying to decline your mom’s invites to dinner or already hanging at Sid’s house when you invite yourself over to your brother’s house for pool or lake time. Usually time one on one with Nate like this is brief, usually like in passing while he’s waiting for Sid in the kitchen while you’re eating.

It’s nice. Nate’s funnier than people give him credit for and it’s easy to relax into dinner and conversation, to forget about the anxiety from your interview as you chat about what’s new for both of you and gossip about people you both know.

By the time he drops you off at your hotel, it’s late and you’re too tired (and maybe just on the right side of tipsy) to even worry about the interview. You just barely change into pajamas, run through your nightly routine, and climb into bed, before shutting the lights off. It feels like you’re asleep before your head even hits the pillow. 

In the morning, you’re awoken by the sound of your phone ringing, and it takes a second for you to place the sound, but when you do you pounce on it, recognizing the local area code immediately. “Good morning.” You say, trying your hardest not to sound like you woke up literally thirty seconds ago.

It’s human resources, from the job you interviewed for yesterday.

You got it.

-----

“Ew, no!” Your dad holds his hands up innocently, when you rush over to stop him from unpacking a box. “Why would you put that there?”

“Hey, sweetie, maybe it’s time for a break.” Your mom says gently, exchanging a look with your dad, who nods his agreement enthusiastically.

Which is fair. You’d just about almost taken his fingers off just because you didn’t like where he was unpacking colanders. 

“Dinner!’” Your dad latches onto immediately. “Nate offered to take us all out tonight, I’ll let him know we’re ready.”

“Ready?” You frown, looking down at your workout shorts and baggy t-shirt.

“We’ll be ready in an hour.” He amends, already texting Nate.

Nate knocks on the door to the new condo you’re renting an hour and fifteen minutes later, sheepishly grinning when your dad tells him that you and your mom still need a few minutes. “Thought I had my timing perfect.”

Your dad snorts. “Oh buddy. Keep dreaming.”

He’s not too off on his timing, but unfortunately for Nate, you don’t have too much else going for you in your condo yet. Your dad had gotten your TV all set up, but in addition to the TV and living room furniture, you haven’t gotten much else, and that includes food and beverages. So the two of them sit in mostly silence while they wait another few minutes for you and your mom to finish getting ready. 

“I told you that you should have just met us there.” You tell Nate, as he trips on a box on his way out the door.

“Oh, so this wasn’t deliberate sabotage?” He deadpans.

“You caught me. Just trying to keep you around the city full time until I have time to make better friends.”

Nate laughs, as the two of you follow your parents out the door. “Be nicer to me or I won’t introduce you to my friends.”

“Who said I want to be friends with your friends?”

“Children.” Your mom turns to look back at you and Nate smiles at her innocently, but it’s been a while since that’s fooled her. “Do we need to stay home?”

It serves to get the two of you moving, even as you laugh at her joke. Nate drives you to another one of his favorite restaurants, and dinner flies by, with Nate insisting on picking up the tab, even when your dad tries to fight him on it. 

It’s started to cool down a little by the time you’re walking back toward the car, Nate and your dad still fake-fighting about paying for dinner, and you find yourself not realizing you’re smiling at the two of them as you walk behind them until your mom bumps your shoulder. “A few hours off for dinner with some good company was just what you needed.” She says.

And even though the smile on her face seems too knowing, you’re too tired to ask about it right now, so you just nod in agreement. “Yeah, this was nice.” You smile back at her.

-----

Mel Landeskog pokes her head around the corner and you wave at her, trying to catch her attention. “Jesus Christ.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t think he was serious.”

“I mean.” You bite your lip. “I did have to work today.”

“I would have picked you up!” She shakes her head, muttering under her breath, and you know Nate’s going to get an earful from her later. “But no, no. That dumbass just let you come all the way over here by yourself. Sends me a text to come meet you by the door. All casual.”

“I mean.” You send her a look. “Did you expect anything different from Nate?”

It’s the way she looks at you and sets her face that almost has you nervous for Nate. You’ve known Mel for a long time now, but really, you don’t know her from more than just years of NHL events. “I do now.” She says.

You hope Nate knew what he was getting himself into sending Mel a text to come find you earlier.  

Once she leads you up into the box with some of the wives and kids, she’s back to smiling and laughing, making introductions all around. The mood all around is light and easy, everyone excited for the home opener of the season, and happy to be back with everyone again. 

It’s fun to be back in this atmosphere. Hockey’s been a part of your life for so long and there’s truly nothing like the energy of the first game of the season. You feed off the energy, catching up with some familiar faces and chatting with all the other girls, probably too excited when they invite you to a girl’s night later in the week, but it feels good to have plans that don’t involve trying to invite yourself to Nate’s when you’re bored.

“Hey, good job tonight.” You nudge him afterwards, catching up with him in the family room.

He laughs, pulling you in for a hug. “A little different than what you were used to?”

“It lived up to the hype, I guess.”

“I’ll turn you from a Pens fan.” Nate promises. 

It’s your turn to laugh. “Feel Sid’s wrath.”

“What’s he going to do? Check me into the boards? Bring it.”

Nate’s been hanging out with your brother and your family for years now, so he should really know better by now. “Okay, buddy.” You pat his shoulder patronizingly. “Sure.”

“I could take him.” Nate insists. 

“Throw hands. Next game. I dare you.” 

He side-eyes you, because you both know that’s not going to happen and it’s only a minute before you’re both laughing. 

“I better see you on Friday!” Ashley Kadri shouts out to you as she’s walking past with Naz and Naylah, interrupting your laughter. “No excuses!”

“I’ll be there!” You call back. “Promise!”

When you look back, Nate’s pouting-exaggerated, albeit, but pouting. “Are you ditching me this Friday?”

“Yup. Found better company.”

“How dare you?” He cries. “There is no better company.”

“Well.” You shrug. “I’ll know for sure after happy hour on Friday.”

“Find your own ride home.” Nate says and then he starts speed walking away from you at an absurd speed.

“Nate!” You protest, jogging to catch up and he finally slows down enough for you to catch up when you round the corner, bumping your shoulder right back when you purposely bump into him in retaliation.

-----

No one lets loose like a group of moms when they’ve got a night without their kids.

Someone has mentioned this to you before, at a bachelorette party or a wedding or something, but you don’t think you’ve ever seen it really in action before until this happy hour. 

“If the waitress comes back, order me another drink!” Kerry calls, before running off to the bathroom.

The waitress nods at her, before addressing the rest of you. “Another round?”

“Oh, please!” Mel nods quickly and repeatedly.

“Can we get a few more orders of mozzarella sticks too, please?” You look down at the empty plates in front of you. “And maybe some nachos too?”

“Yes!” Jackie lights up across from you. “Great call!”

It pretty much only goes downhill from there and by the end of the night, both Mel and Ashley are crying for reasons no one is sure of entirely and you’re pretty grateful to see Nate among the group of husbands and boyfriends to come to pick up all their girlfriends.

So grateful you scream his name the second you see him. “Nate!”

He winces, trying to pull his ear away from you, but he’s laughing. “Guess you had a good time, huh?”

“Uh huh!” You nod enthusiastically, not realizing how loud you are until he winces again.

Nate laughs. “Alright, I think it’s time to go home.”

You gasp loudly. “I can’t leave my new friends!”

“Your new friends are all leaving you!”

You frown, but look around and realize he’s right. Naz has already sneakily pulled Ashley out of the bar and Gabe and Erik were collecting Mel and Jackie’s things. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Nate parrots. “Come on, get your stuff, crazy girl.”

“Hey!” You protest, grabbing your purse. “I am the least crazy person in my family.”

“I hate to break it to you.” Nate says, as he guides you into standing. “But that’s not saying much.”

He’s right, but you bump him with your shoulder anyway as you walk past. That’s about sibling honor and shit.

Nate parked too far away and by the time you reach his car, you’re leaning on him, the adrenaline from hanging out with friends wearing off quickly. Nate’s nice about it, guiding you to his car and then helping you into his front seat before heading around to the driver’s side. 

“You guys had a fun time then?” Nate says, once he’s started driving and you’re half asleep leaning against the window. “Looks like it at least.”

“Yeah.” You nod sleepily. “But you were right.”

He chuckles. “About what?”

“There’s no better company than you.”

-----

Nate becomes pretty clingy after that night, texting and facetiming whenever he’s out of town, and stopping by pretty much anytime he’s got a free minute. It quickly becomes something you look forward to, missing his visits when he’s out of town and looking forward to his calls, smiling when his texts come in and breaking up your work day. And it isn’t long before you realize that you’re being just the same. Sending him messages before and after games. Inviting yourself over for dinner and making Nate cheat on his diet.

In a blessed move from the NHL scheduling department, Sid and the rest of the Pens are scheduled to arrive in town on a Friday morning and aren’t leaving until the end of the weekend. 

They have a practice scheduled for early afternoon, which is perfect for you to wrap up your work day before heading over to watch the end.

Geno lights up when he sees you watching from the glass, the first person to acknowledge you, and skating over in the middle of the drill, leaving behind two shocked linemates. “Mini!” He shouts cheerfully, even as you roll your eyes at your least favorite nickname. All because you happen to be the shortest of your siblings. “Great to see you.”

“You too, Geno.” You smile warmly at him, a little annoyed that you can’t get a giant bear hug from your favorite pseudo-older brother right away. “But I don’t think a few other people feel the same right now.” You jerk your chin back over his shoulder. 

He turns his head quickly but then looks back. “Psh. They’ll get over it.”

You bust out laughing, which is right about when your brother comes over, and in classic Sid fashion, is all about hockey. “Stop being a distraction.”

“I was minding my own business until Geno came over here!” You protest, even as Geno starts laughing and Sid eyes you skeptically. 

“Why don’t I believe that one?” Sid says dryly and sure, maybe you were making faces at some of the guys you knew well as they were passing you, but you weren’t actively being a distraction.

“That’s your prerogative.” You tell Sid, who shakes his head and pulls Geno back for the remainder of practice. 

Practice doesn’t last for too much longer and you spend a few minutes chatting with the coaching staff while you wait for Sid to change. But he and Geno finally come out of the locker room and you stop mid-sentence to throw yourself at your brother.

Sid’s laughing and so are you, but both of you start laughing even harder when Geno pulls you both into his arms. “Two of my favorite people!”

“Taylor’s going to be so offended.” Kris grins, watching the three of you amused.

“Taylor?” You grin back at him, going for a hug once Geno releases you. “How about his wife and kid?”

“Those are my other favorite people.” Geno reasons.

“Now I’m offended.” Kappy deadpans.

“You’re not even close.” Geno grins, roughing his hair.

Kappy tries to get him right back, but Geno just swats his hand away and then Sid’s shaking his head, like this is just the same shit, different day. “Look what you did.”

You grin, leaning against him. “Not sorry. I’ve missed this entertainment.”

Sid shakes his head. “Then you can round them up for dinner.”

You do. Easily.

Nate had suggested one of the team’s favorite restaurants and you’re happy to see that he’d accepted your invitation to join everyone, even if he rolls in a little late. You’re deep into Kris’ camera roll, looking at pictures of his kids and catching up on stories that you haven’t heard about them recently, so you don’t even notice he’s arrived and said hello already until he blows on the back of your neck.

You jump. “What the hell?”

Nate’s grinning. “Hey.”

You shake your head at him and bump your shoulders against him. “Hey.” You mimic and then turn right back to Kris.

But your shoulder stays leaning on Nate, and it remains there comfortably all night.

-----

Sid’s a little cranky when you first meet him for breakfast the morning after the game and you’re sure it has everything to do with the last minute turnover that cost them the game (and bragging rights over Nate this summer, which is really what he’s probably cranky about).

He gets over it pretty quickly though, and soon the two of you are laughing and talking, catching up about your family and your lives.

“-and I even love my office, the vibes are just great!”

Sid shakes his head. “Vibes.”

You grin. You know he hates that word. “Good vibes.” You confirm.

“So you’re liking Denver?”

“Love it.” You confirm, smiling.

“Meeting good people?”

You eye him skeptically. “Yes dad. I already said my coworkers are great and I’ve been hanging out with Nate and his friends a lot too. It’s good”

“Geno thinks there’s something going on between you and Nate.” Sid says casually.

The jump of your heart is far from casual. “Oh yeah?”

Sid eyes you but his response to that is surprising. “You know if there was something going on between you and Nate that would be okay?” He pauses, watching you again, but your face is completely neutral, purposely not moving. “Right?”

“You know if there was something going on between me and Nate that your opinion wouldn’t matter at all, right?”

He grins, laughing as he nods, but after he takes a bite of pancakes he says, “To you, yeah. To him, it does.”

“Why?” You blurt out, giving yourself away before you can stop yourself.

But Sid doesn’t say anything to that. He grins again and then changes the subject entirely.

-----

You only make it about a day before you’re knocking on Nate’s door, pretty forcefully.

“What’s up?” He swings the door open, with a frown. “You okay?”

“Does what my brother thinks really matter to you that much?” You blurt out. It’s been bothering you ever since Sid mentioned it at breakfast. That you lasted this long was probably a miracle.

Nate blushes and your jaw drops. “It-”

“Oh my god.” You grin delightedly. “Come on, really?”

“That’s not-” He blows out a frustrated sigh. “You’re really going to make me say it?”

You nod, but you’re pretty sure he’s not going to get far into what he’s going to say.

He sighs again. “It’s not about, like, his approval, or shit. It’s just- he’s important to you. So obviously he’s important to me-”

You kiss him. 

“You know that you don’t even have to worry about that, right?” At some point, you’d slid one hand to his hip and the other arm around his neck, and the hand there plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I’ll argue about that with you later.” Nate says impatiently and so you’re laughing when he kisses you again.

[extasiswings]

15 + buddie

15. "Shouldn't you be with her?" On ao3 here.

When Eddie is eleven, his class gets a new student. Her name is Maria Esparza and her family is from Arizona. She has dark curls that look like they would be soft to touch and a smattering of freckles across her nose and she’s so smart—always reading and forever raising her hand in class, always with the right answers—but she never acts stuck up about it.

He thinks she’s beautiful and when he gets home from the first day of school he promptly announces that he’s in love. He doesn’t understand why his mother laughs or why Sophia rolls her eyes and calls him an idiot when he’s perfectly serious.

He’s in love, he insists, and goes on believing it for three whole weeks until he gets up the courage to give Maria a flower at recess and she looks at him like he has two heads. The rejection smarts for a couple of days, but then he’s fine. So, he figures...maybe it wasn’t love after all.

Eddie is fifteen when he finds his eyes slipping too frequently to Diego Reed in autoshop, lingering on the other boy’s long, dexterous fingers, his forearms, the sharp edge of his jaw. Eddie can’t explain it, he just knows those stolen glances make him squirm, make him flush, make him feel too warm and like his very skin is too tight.

Diego steals Eddie’s first kiss two weeks before winter break, pushes him up against the back wall of the shop where they’re hidden by a truck and licks into his mouth with a confidence that Eddie can’t imagine ever having when he himself can’t even figure out what to do with his hands. But it makes his knees weak and leaves him breathless and panting when Diego pulls away with a smirk and tells him not to say anything.

It’s not love—for one thing, Eddie knows he’s not supposed to love boys, and for another, the only time he suggests it might be anything at all, Diego gives him the same look Maria had once upon a time and walks away—but it’s nothing he’s ever felt before. The next year, Angelica Phelan asks him to go to the winter formal and he gets to second base in the science lab when they slip away from the chaperones. It’s different from kissing Diego. But it’s just as good, he enjoys it just as much, and part of him is…relieved.

He doesn’t think about that too much.

Eddie is eighteen when he’s not watching where he’s going and runs directly into his future on the sidewalk. Thankfully, the only casualty is Shannon’s coffee, and after she snaps at him for not paying attention and he offers to replace her drink—well. They close down the coffee shop, emerging, startled, from conversation only when interrupted by a mildly disgruntled employee trying to lock up. Eddie walks home in a daze, Shannon’s phone number burning a hole in his pocket, and he’s simultaneously elated and terrified because it’s never been so easy being with someone, he’s never felt so seen so quickly. He’s old enough to realize that love at first sight is bullshit, but he thinks he could fall very fast.

He’s right.

They take things slow because Eddie wants to do things right, doesn’t want to risk confusing love with the heady cocktail of teenage hormones and sex. So he knows by the time he does fall into bed with her, eight months in, that he’s in love. Really in love, thinking about the future in love, factoring her into the mix when he thinks about what the hell he’s going to do with his life in love.

And then Shannon gets pregnant. And it’s too soon, he loves her but it’s too soon, and he’s terrified all over again—

He loves her though. He loves her. And she’s pregnant so—they get married. He wants to do the right thing.

At their wedding the readings are selections from Song of Songs and Corinthians.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud....Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...

With all due respect to St. Paul, Eddie doesn’t think he knew what the hell he was talking about. Or at least, maybe he did, but he was being pretty damn aspirational and left out a few things.

Because after the wedding…after the wedding, Eddie learns a lot more about love.

Love is beautiful, yes. But love is also…trying to do the right thing and fucking up. Love is fighting and knowing exactly what to say to cut the deepest and not always holding back. Love is forgiving, but after a point finding it difficult to forget.

Or maybe that’s not love, maybe that’s just marriage. Maybe it’s a little of both. Because love endures—sure. Love endured with Shannon even when trust was nonexistent, when their marriage was fractured, shattered pieces strewn across the floor ready to draw blood if either of them tried to pick them up.

Love isn’t enough. That’s what Eddie knows. Or maybe it is, maybe love would have been enough to fix what was broken if it hadn’t been his. Shannon’s gone, so they’ll never be able to have that conversation. He’ll never know the answer.

Love endures. Eddie kind of wishes it didn’t. It would make a lot of things a lot easier.

But…it’s fine. He’s fine. Shannon dies and he locks that piece of himself away and has no plans to ever fall in love again.

Then again, God has a funny sense of humor and never seems to resist an opportunity to be an asshole, so of course…he does. Slowly. Quietly. The threads slipping through the cracks in his walls so carefully that he doesn’t even notice until they’re twined around his heart, unspooling through his blood, through his veins with every pulse. Eddie doesn’t notice.

And then he gets shot and it’s like being hit by lightning, an electric shock of clarity down his spine, rooting him in place as he meets Buck’s eyes.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

***

Eddie despises recovery.

He’s never been good at being still, at being useless, at being left alone with nothing but his own head. And maybe he’s not entirely alone—he has Christopher, after all, and Christopher is understandably a little clingy now that he’s home from the hospital—but Christopher sleeps and has play dates and spends time in his room and just in general isn’t in Eddie’s space every second of every day.

And then there’s Buck. Buck who offered to keep staying on the couch to take care of everything they needed when Eddie came home from the hospital. Buck who Eddie sent home to his own bed with promises to call if he needed help because having Buck so close after Eddie’s little realization was stirring him up, making everything a million times more difficult in his head. Buck’s still over frequently, but it’s less dangerous if he’s not staying overnight, if Eddie can’t wake up and be tempted to walk out to the living room and pull Buck into his bed. Not for anything sexual—he’s on too many medications and too immobilized for that even if it was remotely a good idea—but to be held. To feel wanted. To feel safe.

He knows Buck probably wouldn’t say no, wouldn’t think anything of it except that maybe he’s a little raw and fragile, which he is. Which is exactly why he can’t ask. So. Removing the temptation it is.

But. Being left alone with his own head is a terrible idea. He’s in pain because he lowered the doses of his pain meds so he would stop worrying about developing any dependency. He can’t sleep without waking up with screams trapped behind his teeth and the smell of blood and gunpowder in his nose. And he can’t stop thinking about Buck. About being in love with Buck. About wanting Buck. About whether he could ever have him or whether he’ll ever be okay enough to be in a relationship. About whether Buck could ever want him back or if he’ll ever feel safe enough to risk their friendship by even asking.

He broke up with Ana the second he was able to figure out how to do it without feeling like a complete dick. But he hasn’t told Buck that. He doesn’t know why.

And then there’s—

The key turns in the lock and Eddie starts, looking up from his place on the couch. Christopher is with his abuela for the night, and he didn’t expect—

“Hey,” Buck calls, stepping through the door. “I brought dinner.”

Eddie stares.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, before he can stop himself. “Shouldn’t you be with Taylor?”

—Taylor. Buck and Taylor. Which, Buck waited weeks to tell him about, hedging about why he wanted to know if it was okay to invite her to Eddie’s welcome home party. Which, Buck only did admit to when Eddie called one night at 2AM and Taylor answered Buck’s phone.

Eddie clears his throat, the question sounding a little too sharp and accusatory to his ears.

“I just meant,” he adds, softening, “I thought you said you had a date tonight.”

An odd look passes over Buck’s face.

“Isabel called me,” he replies. “She said you were by yourself, asked if I would check on you. We rescheduled, it’s fine.”

Eddie nods once and pulls the couch throw tighter around his shoulders with his good arm. A petty, possessive piece of him is pleased. That Buck’s there. That Buck would drop everything for him.

He’s always been wary of Taylor. Even way back when they first met and she was prowling around the station filming everyone and flirting with Buck. But now? Now he’s jealous, his stomach twisting at the very reminder that she has Buck the way Eddie wants him.

But at the same time…he hates that. Hates the jealousy, hates feeling possessive. Because what claim does he have over Buck’s affections? None. Especially not when he can’t even admit to loving him outside his head.

He hates it because he knows that more than anything, Buck deserves to be happy. And maybe Eddie could make him happy, but—

Even if Buck felt the same—and Eddie isn’t convinced of that, doesn’t have the arrogance to assume—what right does he have to say please, to say wait, to ask Buck to put his life on hold indefinitely while Eddie sorts through the tangled mess in his head in the hope that one day he’ll finally be ready? He can’t be that selfish. Especially not with Buck.

Buck deserves to be happy. Even if that’s with Taylor Kelly. Even if it means Eddie loses him.

He doesn’t get to be jealous.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Eddie replies quietly. “I’m fine.”

Buck sets the bag in his arms down on the coffee table.

“You don’t look fine,” he points out. “Actually, you look like shit. Isabel was right to call me.”

“I’m fine,” Eddie repeats. His heart pangs at the concern in Buck’s eyes. “Really, it’s okay—you should—you should—”

Go. Call Taylor back. Enjoy your date.

He wants to do the right thing. He really does. But the rest of the words refuse to leave his throat.

Buck shakes his head anyway. “I’m not going anywhere,” he insists. “So tell me what’s going on. How can I help?”

Eddie bites his lip. Drags his hand over his jaw before making a face. The messy, overgrown scruff is itchy and difficult to manage on his own, and the foreignness of it doesn’t help him feel grounded in his own body when he wakes up gasping in the middle of the night.

“It’s stupid,” he says.

“I’m sure it’s not,” Buck replies. “And I’m here, so you might as well just talk.”

I’m in love with you, Eddie thinks. And I can’t sleep. And I can’t shave. And everything hurts. And I just want to stop being afraid—

He swallows. He can’t say all of that. He can’t blow everything up that way.

So, he picks the easiest one.

“I can’t shave with my left hand and it’s driving me insane.”

Buck blinks. Then he laughs as the worry in his brow smooths out.

“That’s it?” He asks. “Well, that’s easy. I can do that. Come on.”

And that’s how Eddie winds up sitting on the bathroom counter with shaving cream all over his face while Buck wets a razor and steps between his legs.

His breath catches.

“You good?” Buck asks, his voice low. His eyes are soft and focused, and Eddie almost regrets everything because the proximity—god, the proximity. He’s been so cold since the shooting and Buck is so warm, heat spreading through Eddie’s body from every discrete point of contact. Buck tips his chin back and Eddie lets his eyes slip closed.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I’m good.”

The razor drags along his skin. Neither of them say a word, the main sound in the room the drip of the faucet when Buck rinses the razor between passes. They’ve always been physical with each other, but this sort of thing is new. Intimate.

Eddie aches.

His eyes open a crack to watch. Buck’s lower lip is caught between his teeth, and having every ounce of that focus on him is…intoxicating.

I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Buck steps in closer, Eddie’s legs spread ever so slightly wider. A spark of heat flashes through him and he inhales sharply—Buck’s startled enough that his hand slips and the razor nicks Eddie’s jaw.

“Shit,” Buck swears. The razor clatters into the sink. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

Eddie opens his eyes the rest of the way. “It’s fine,” he assures. “What, you think I’ve never cut myself shaving before? It’s still better than I would have managed myself.”

“I’m—” Buck looks stricken, his fingers reaching out to gently cradle Eddie’s jaw only for him to snatch them back almost instantly, the tip of one faintly smeared with blood. His hand trembles.

“Buck,” Eddie says quietly. Buck’s eyes are fixed on the red smear and Eddie is sent back—

Watching his blood splash across Buck’s face and not realizing at first that it was his. Being half-delirious on the way to the hospital worrying that Buck had been hurt—

All this time, Buck’s been moving forward, pushing ahead, for Christopher, for him, for everyone, and Eddie knew he wasn’t entirely okay, knew he was fucked up from the moment in the hospital when he said I think it would have been better if I was the one who got shot, but since Eddie’s been home, Buck has seemed…better.

Maybe not. Maybe he’s been struggling to pretend as much as Eddie has.

Eddie twists around to grab the towel draped over the faucet and wets it enough to wash the rest of the shaving cream off his face, feels the sting of soap and water in the cut. And then he reaches out to grab Buck’s hand, wiping the blood off of his finger.

There’s something profane about blood staining skin. And something sacred in the act of washing it clean.

Eddie wonders if anyone helped Buck wash his blood off when he was in surgery. Taylor, maybe.

But no, that doesn’t feel right.

Buck probably did it himself. Alone.

“Hey.” Eddie squeezes Buck’s fingers. When Buck doesn’t look at him, he reaches out and curls his hand around the side of Buck’s neck, tips Buck’s chin up with his thumb to force him to meet his eyes. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m okay. No harm done.”

Buck breathes out shakily. His throat works, his face passes through a million stages—finally, his hands fall to the counter on either side of Eddie’s hips and his forehead drops to Eddie’s good shoulder. Eddie lets his hand slip around to the back of Buck’s neck, his fingers combing up through the short hairs there. He turns his head and he’s close enough to kiss the side of Buck’s, but he holds off. It feels like it would be too much. Too much when Buck doesn’t know how he really feels, what he really wants. But even just this—the closeness, the touch—is good. Needed. A balm to the itch under his skin.

When Buck turns his face into Eddie’s neck and inhales, Eddie thinks maybe Buck might need this just as badly.

“I’m okay,” he repeats, closing his eyes again as his fingers comb through Buck’s hair. “We’re okay. We’re okay.”

They stay like that for a long time. Buck’s phone rings out once, but neither of them moves to answer it. Eventually, Buck lifts his head and clears his throat roughly as he steps back.

Eddie’s hand falls away from Buck’s neck. He feels the absence keenly.

“You good?” He asks. Buck nods. His eyes are red.

“Yeah,” Buck replies. He pauses. Shakes his head. “No. But—can we just—can I just finish this for now? I want to finish this.”

Eddie watches him for a moment. Wets his lips. Then finally nods and passes over the shaving cream again.

“Sure,” he says. “I trust you.”

I love you.

Maybe…maybe eventually he’ll be braver. Maybe eventually, both of them will be free at the same time and he’ll be whole and healed, or at least something closer to it than he is now. Maybe eventually…love will be enough. Maybe.

For now, he has this.

[h03-ington]

Hiii could I request an Aaron Taylor-Johnson x chubby male reader? Aaron and MR were trying to keep their relationship secret cuz MR feels insecure about himself but the paparazzi find out and start shaming MR. Leads to very fluffy romantic and passionate smut at the end? With Top Aaron and Bottom MR. Thanks sm <33333

hii! here it is, sorry for taking so long, just wanted to make sure i wrote the smut well and didn't make the whole thing too short, enjoy my luvs :)

warnings: slight body shaming, smut

========================

both you and aaron were dreading this night. it was the avengers premiere, and aaron obviously had to go.

because you weren't ready to go public about your relationship, you avoided public appearances, which meant aaron had to go alone.

"why can't i just stay home with you?" aaron asked

you sigh. "i wish you could.. but it's your movie, i mean, you gotta go."

"you sure you don't wanna come with me?"

"yeah... i wish i could, really, but you never know what they might say about us, what it could happen to your career, it's not that easy.. it's all because of me, i'm sorry."

"hey, hey it's not because of you. the whole industry is full of bad people who do bad things.. i just wish we could go out, have our own little dates everywhere we want, be like a normal couple without the media out to get us with our every move.."

"me too.. one day."

"yeah. one day."

you put your arms around aaron's neck and pecked his lips softly, then you both smiled at each other.

"i'll miss your pretty face"

then you heard aaron's phone ringing.

"it's my manager?" aaron said in a questioning tone

he answered his phone.

"hi. yeah, i'm gonna start getting ready in a bit."

aaron then furrowed his eyebrows.

"wait what?"

"how?"

"really?"

"but i thought-"

...

"fuck. okay, bye"

aaron then hung up the phone, and looked at you, speechless.

- what happened?

- aaron?

- what's wrong??

- they know M/N..

- what?? they- how???

- like i said, out to get us with our every move..

- so? what now?? you still going?

- no. they told me it would be complete chaos if i would, surrounded by paparazzi asking questions the media can use against me. i'm staying with you. he smiles cutely.

----------------------------

it was about half an hour later, you were browsing movies for you and aaron to watch on your television. aaron had the snacks ready, you just had to pick. but you suddenly pressed the wrong button, switching to the news.

- tonight on entertainment weekly: famous marvel actor aaron taylor johson EXPOSED! the new actor was photographed with his new.. boyfriend.. and twitter is freaking out! here's what people are saying:

"since when is ATJ into fat gays?"

"why does atj's bf look like THAT"

"damn atj that's the best you could do?"

these comments destroyed you.

they're right, i don't deserve him, why is he even with me?

then you felt aaron rub your shoulder comfortingly after the tv had turned off.

"hey hey hey. don't listen to them, okay? they're just people with sad lives"

"but it's true what they're saying. be honest." you said blankly.

aaron sighed. "okay, M/N look at me." , he then grabbed your chin and turned it so you were looking at him.

"you are an amazing person. inside and out. you don't know how happy you make me every time i see you. i love you so much. i love everything on you. your body, your beautiful face, your personality, your kindness, you're just perfect.

"what about them? those other people.. they judge and judge and they never stop"

"fuck those other people! y'know, no matter what you do, the world will always complain and judge you. so it's better to do your thing in life, and not care what others say and think of you. it doesn't matter at all. you need to realize how amazing you are, M/N."

you took a deep breath, and laid your head on aaron's shoulder.

"what would i do without you?" you chuckled

"beats me" aaron giggles

you lift your head off his shoulder, then you both share a look, filled with love for one another, hope, and lust.

you then press your lips against aaron's.

you parted your lips for his tongue to enter, and fought with your tongues for dominance, him winning, as always.

the kiss was passionte, just what you both needed. you whined softly, which drove aaron crazy, making him pull away from the kiss, taking your shirt off, giving you light kisses along your body, starting from the neck down to your waist, making you moan softly.

"god, you're so beautiful."

you pull his head back up, making out with him, gripping his hair tightly.

"giddy up baby." he smiles and picks you up, holding your legs at his sides, still kissing you.

you reach your bedroom, where he drops you on the bed, taking your pants off, kissing your waist softly, looking up at you sweetly for permission. you nod and smile.

he takes your boxers off, and starts rubbing your right thigh, kissing the left one, then he switches. "fuck aaron. just like that" you moan

you love this side of aaron. gentle, sweet, loving, everything you could've wished for right now.

"i got an idea."

you chuckle "what idea?"

"69?" aaron smirks

"fuck yeah!" you laugh

you got off the bed, letting aaron lay down on his back. then you sat on his face, and bent towards his crotch, where he still had his clothes on. you could already see the tent in his pants.

he started licking around your aching hole, as you started taking off his sweatpants and boxers altogether, revealing his huge member, already leaking precum from the stimulation

"fuck i love this cock" you moan

"fuck i love this ass" aaron inserts his tongue deep in your ass, and slaps your ass hard,

"FUCK!"

you lick the tip of his rock hard cock, and start sucking it aggresively, ignoring your gagging

"fuuuck" aaron moans and slaps your ass again.

"AH! YES"

your spit was everywhere on his cock, and you could feel it throbbing, ready to release. you stop and aaron then switches your positions, so you where lying on your back, with your legs on aaron's shoulders. he reaches to open a drawer, putting a condom on.

"you ready for me baby?" aaron asks

"yes aaron, please." you look at him pleadingly.

you feel his dick enter your hole, and he doesn't move much just yet, to let you get used to him. while you wait, he leans down and kisses you slowly and passionately, as you put your hands behind his head, gripping his hair lightly.

"i'm ready aaron" you said in between the kisses.

aaron thrusts into you, slowly, each thrust filled with pleasure for the both of you. he knows your body.

"a-aaron" you moan, in between the on going makeout session

"moan for me baby. you're so fucking hot."

you whimper in response.

he pulls away from the kiss, and presses his forehead against yours, looking deep in your lust-filled eyes. you were moaning together, maintaing eye contact for a while, but you were enjoying every single second.

aaron also moved his hand to your cock, stroking it in sync with his thrusts.

"mmm! fuck me aaron!"

he keeps stroking and thrusting in you, and goes back to kissing you, your tongues dancing together. you couldn't help but leave scratch marks his back from all of the pleasure you were experiencing.

"i'm gonna cum baby." he breathed out.

"cum in me. please!"

he speeds his thrusts up a bit, and you kiss his neck, leaving little marks.

"FUCK M/N! SHIT SHIT!"

you could feel his cock explode and throb intensely inside you.

he leans down to kiss you and down your body, then strokes your cock intensely.

"cum for me baby." he looks up at you, smirking

this feeling was amazing. aaron looked so hot stroking you, you felt like heaven

"fuc- ah! shit!!" you shoot out your load everywhere on aaron's face.

seeing the mess on his face turned you on even more.

aaron then rests his head on your stomach for a bit, to catch your breaths.

"fuck that was so good" aaron breathes out.

"yeah."

"you look hot with my cum on your face, y'know" you chuckle.

"i should wear it more often then!"

you both laugh.

...

"i love you."

"i love you too."

========================

did i use too much dialogue and oohs and ahhs in the smut LOL sorrey x

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

How long would it take the volturi to solve the Kira case?

Fascinating question, anon, I like it. So much so you get answered much earlier than you normally would be.

Shinigami and the World of Twilight

In Twilight there are few supernatural creatures that remain in our world. There's vampires, children of the moon, and the shapeshifter. However, these need not be the only supernatural creatures.

There have likely been mass extinctions (seen in Children of the Moon) and there may be more creatures that are so uncommon that we just don't see any hint of them.

Death Note's Shinigami easily fall into this category.

They live in another dimension, and in the human world (which they rarely visit in person), they're invisible to the eye save for those who have touched their death note. Their methods of killing are so unobtrusive, (heart attacks by default or whatever method they please), that they're unlikely to be noticed unless someone (i.e. Light) is trying to make a point. And in the grand scheme of things, Shinigami also kill relatively infrequently, meaning that any odd death gets passed off as that: an odd death. Also being forbidden to kill for the sake of a human being means that the deaths tend to be a) random b) whatever amuses them the most. That'd be hard to pick a pattern up of.

Shinigami exist in such a manner that I doubt even the Volturi are aware of them.

Some Ground Rules For the Post

I don't see why vampires would have an innate ability to see Shinigami that humans lack. As a result, the Volturi are in the same boat everyone else is, they can't see a Shinigami unless they touch that Shinigami's notebook.

Also, per the manga, the Kira case takes place from 2003-2010, meaning that as Twilight is happening (or before if Aro and the gang somehow solve this faster than L would), the world is mired in the Kira case.

Bella would certainly have been talking about it in Twilight. As would Edward, as he once had his Kira foray as well if on a much smaller scale and with a lot more junkies.

For the sake of my nitpicky need to have everything line up, we're going to push Death Note back a few years, to the beginning of Twilight.

Also, we're taking out L. If L's there, Aro can rely on him doing most of the work for him and only show up at the end to either murder or turn Light once L's narrowed down exactly who it is. That's not really fair per the ask, we have to leave the Volturi on their own.

With that, let's start.

Kira Makes His Appearance

Light's appearance was by no means subtle, he wanted to be noticed immediately, but he also didn't want to be noticed as a human being.

He made no televised announcements, left no messages, sent in no letters saying, "I am God, tremble before me". Instead, he let his silence speak.

He killed via heart attacks those he considered having broken the law to some heinous degree and then he sat back and watch. The public dubbed him Kira first and he only became a confirmed presence, something more real than a specter and a human who could be caught and brought to justice, when he murdered Lind L. Taylor in a public spectacle.

But this is a world without L, which means no Lind L. Taylor, instead we have Volturi and company in Volterra, utterly unconcerned with the human world.

Of course, they immediately notice once an undeniable pattern becomes clear. Human criminals are dying en masse of heart attacks, someone is making a message. The question is, to what end?

Aro wouldn't immediately think this is a human. This kind of power, this kind of gift, to be able to seemingly kill any person in the world at any time no matter the distance, is something too strong for a human. It would be unheard of to have this much power as a human.

Which means Aro believes he's looking for a vampire breaking the law.

The trouble is, it's only humans. The newborn wars are raging as always, every major coven he's ever heard of remains untouched, and there's been no noticeable uptick of deaths among the vampire population.

The only difference to them is that more of them are dangerously close to breaking the law, as crime rates are now plummeting as criminals live in terror of a spiteful god who might strike them down at any moment. This makes murders performed by vampires, in certain areas, far more noticeable.

(As Light is probably killing off known gang leaders, drug lords, etc. left and right, it's probably pandemonium in certain cities/countries. So vampires are probably alright in these places as I'm sure there's a lot of murder going on as survivors try to fill the power vacuum.)

Still, the Volturi have to put their heads together and try to think why any vampire would do this? To what end would they murder all these humans, in such a noticeable manner, and not even to eat their victims?

Aro concludes he's looking for a very young vampire, likely newborn, someone who still thinks of himself as very human and beholden to human society and who isn't aware of Volterra or else does not consider them a threat.

The Volturi Investigators

I think Aro's going to take the lead on this one. There's his gift, obviously, but he'd by far have the most interest.

Caius would be upset by the nerve of Kira, but he has no patience to track him down either when it becomes exceedingly obvious that this is going to be tricky. That, and it just doesn't seem like his thing to me. He's going to mostly sit this one out.

As for Marcus, he's not up to it.

Which makes Aro our lead detective.

The Investigation

Like L, the first thing they do is try to pinpoint the first deaths. There was the immediate deluge, of course, but that screams of confidence in this assassination gift.

Kira likely needed practice to perfect his gift or even realize he had it at all. There's going to be a first victim and it will probably be messy.

Given enough investigation, this probably leads Aro to Japan, where a man taking children hostage suddenly dies in the middle of the hostage situation when televised on national TV (though not outside of Japan). Given that Kira's a vampire, he could have moved from where he started quite easily, but Aro's willing to bet he's still somewhere in Japan.

What Aro does know is that Kira's keeping close to human society. Kira will be reading human papers, watching human television constantly, and appears to be very well-informed concerning his future victims. Both locally as well as internationally. Kira is likely still in a human settlement.

So, the first thing Aro does is look for an unusual number of casualties in any city or town in Japan. Kira will probably be in the newborn phase, may truly be only a few months old, and given his actions has probably been abandoned by his sire. Even if he has unusually high control, he's got to eat sometime, and thanks to his own actions the murder rate in major cities is way down.

Except... there's no uptick.

Crime, murder, in Japan is universally on a downwards trend. Major cities like Tokyo and small rural villages it's all the same, there's nothing noticeable.

Kira either isn't in Japan or... he's not eating.

Aro wonders if, perhaps this assassination gift of his, somehow feeds Kira. He is, after all, stealing life. He does it via heart attacks but maybe, somehow, the very act of stealing life is all Kira needs. Perhaps he doesn't have to drink blood due to this.

This blows Aro's mind for a few days but eventually he decides that, no, he's never heard of this. True, he's never heard of this gift either, but all vampires drink blood. Even Carlisle, who drinks animal blood, still drinks blood and suffers great negative effects for his avoidance of a natural diet.

Kira the vampire must still eat.

Which means, in the absence of any other explanation... Kira's not a vampire. Kira is likely a very gifted human.

Aro's mind is blown again because Holy Fuck, what a gift. Kira has blown Jane and Alec, who were only immediately noticeable in their own village, completely out of the water.

Except, the trouble is, neither Aro nor anyone else in the Volturi is a detective. Aro knows enough about human society to pay his taxes, to hire secretaries, and keep on the up and up, but he doesn't actually solve human crimes.

What he's looked for for thousands of years are vampires who break the law: and they have certain patterns, motivations, etc. that are more or less easy to spot. More, the entire point of his law is that, if Aro notices then it means you broke it. There are those that can and do fly under his radar.

How is he supposed to find a gifted human who can kill anyone in the world any time he pleases? From a brief perusal of Japanese news, there's no one immediately obvious as gifted or strange by local papers.

From earlier killings, Aro notes that Kira doesn't seem to kill between 8 in the morning to 4 pm, which might make him a student but also could mean he's working those hours.

And even if he is a student? How in the world is Aro supposed to touch the hand of every student in the entire country of Japan? Aro, who makes it a point not to navigate the human world.

Aro Calls in the Expert

When you want to hang out with the humans, there's only one vampire to call: Carlisle Cullen. As we're setting this in early Twilight, neither Eclipse nor Breaking Dawn have happened. To the Cullens, and Carlisle, Aro is simply a wise king and Carlisle's old friend.

And I'm sure Carlisle has been watching the Kira case very closely and is very disturbed by the entire thing. Kira's methods are very much not Carlisle's m.o.

Aro gives Carlisle what he knows: Kira's probably a gifted human, probably somewhere in Japan, probably in school, and has access to an extensive amount of human media.

That's it.

That's all Aro's got.

As for the police at large, without L, they haven't even narrowed it down to Japan yet.

Carlisle points out that, as much as he hangs out with humans, he doesn't think he could find the needle in the haystack either. However, he definitely wants to help in any way he can.

However, they do have something. Aro can't touch the hand of everyone in Japan, however, Edward can unobtrusively listen to a much larger segment of the population.

(Alice is off the table as she's best able to see the future of those close to her. Without knowing who Kira even is, let alone being close to him, she has no idea what he's going to even do next. She's likely very frustrated by this.)

Surely, whoever Kira is, he or she will be contemplating their victims more often than not. It's a long shot, but Edward might be able to find that needle in a haystack.

How's Edward Feel About That?

Edward's extremely conflicted. On the one hand, he doesn't want to disappoint Carlisle, and this is the first time Carlisle has ever asked him for a favor of this magnitude. And, in theory, Carlisle is right, all creatures are worthy of life.

On the other hand, Edward's on Team Kira. He thinks these rapist, murderer, pigs all deserve to die and is rooting for Kira to put the fear of God into them. Emphasizing this is when Bella was nearly raped in Port Angeles, but her would be rapist suddenly remembered himself and vomited in terror at the idea that he might be next should he get caught raping her. (As it is, Edward catches him, and a few weeks later he dies of a heart attack in prison. Edward pops the champagne).

More, if Edward goes to Japan, it means he has to leave Bella. Bella has proven she cannot survive without his personal protection. More, he's not sure he can survive without her presence. He can hardly contemplate the idea of leaving Bella, though he ultimately must, but to do so soon? He though he'd have a few more years, likely until they graduate, but now he and the family would have to move all the way to Japan in a matter of days.

Not to mention this would be letting Aro know that Edward's... not technically breaking the law but not not breaking the law either. Bella clearly suspects he's not human, she just doesn't have the right word.

And then to give Kira up to the Volturi? To have his activities stopped, to be turned and placed into the guard, or else murdered? Edward feels like he'd be selling out the brother he never knew.

But also Carlisle and imagining Carlisle's sad, disappointed, face.

Edward says yes but he really wants to say no.

He sneaks into Bella's room in the middle of the night, and for the first time, makes her aware of his presence. He tells her that regretfully he must leave her, he's off to do a man's work and catch Kira, and that they will never see each other again.

Then to Edward's horror and disappointment, Bella's completely on board for Edward catching Kira and thinks it's the noblest thing he could do. Charlie, being a chief of police, utterly despises Kira and Bella carries forward this sentiment. People deserve the due process of law, not being murdered off by some jackass conning people into believing he's a god.

Bella wishes him luck and tells him to return as soon as he can.

Edward just numbly says he won't be returning. This really is it. Goodbye forever.

Bella's utterly broken (though not nearly as much as canon as Edward didn't dump her for being boring).

Edward in Japan

Well, turns out, Edward's not actually that useful. There's a few problems.

First, there are a lot of people out there claiming to be Kira, or even convincing themselves that they're Kira. They do this to brag, to feel special, for any number of reasons.

None of them are Kira.

Second, Edward can only go out on cloudy days or at night, this severely limits when he can wander the streets and the people he'll run into. More, even if he starts with Tokyo, Tokyo's a big place. That's a lot of wandering to do.

Third, say that Edward does come across Light Yagami. Edward immediately dismisses him as being utterly insane. See, Light Yagami is talking to his imaginary friend, Ryuk, bickering about which apples they should buy from the store. Edward sees the giant clown demon that Light believes only he can see and goes, "Ah, another lunatic, cheerio."

Edward does not find Kira.

The Investigation Continues

Aro likely keeps Edward at it for months. It doesn't matter how long it takes, they're going to track down Kira and they're going to find him. It might take years, but dammit, they'll find him. Edward despairs that he will ever be able to go back to normal life.

Luckily for the gang, Bella saves their bacon.

Bella, ruminating on Edward's mission and on Kira, starts doing her own internet investigation. She doesn't get very far, but she does have those prophetic dreams to help her out.

Bella has a seriously weird dream about the moon, night gods, Kira, demons that look like giant crows, notebooks, and Light Yagami's face. Somehow, just as in canon with vampires, Bella's able to somehow put this together.

She calls up Edward (as they parted on more amiable terms, and so quickly, Edward did not yet disconnect his number) and tells him that Kira's name is Light Yagami, he's attending the University of Tokyo as the top student, and his murder weapon is an evil notebook.

How does she know this?

She looked it up on the internet.

Well, Edward isn't sure how to take that, but he also has nothing to lose. They find Light Yagami, Aro shakes his hand, and holy shit, Bella Swan was right. (Aro now decrees that she will be turned, much to Edward's horror and insistence that she has no idea he's a vampire, and has plans to recruit her for his guard).

What Are We Going to Do About Light?

Well, on the one hand, Aro discovered a new species today that he can do nothing about. Luckily, they seem to have their own laws that have more or less the same result as the Volturi laws: don't get noticed.

On the other hand, he's disappointed that this all-powerful gift was not a gift at all.

On the other other hand, Light does not seem to be an ordinary human. He's... lucky, for lack of a better term. No, it's more that he doesn't need luck, he somehow has such an awareness of everything around him that he assimilates it perfectly into his own plans. As if he can manipulate the very universe to his favor.

That's intriguing and useful, and in any other situation, Aro would jump on taking that chance and at least seeing what happens.

So the question becomes, does Aro turn Light or not? On the one hand, that's a useful gift, on the other hand, this kid's a loose cannon and a lunatic.

This Kira thing cannot continue, and Light, even as a vampire, would likely insist on continuing it somehow.

Luckily, there's a solution to this.

Aro burns the notebook, much to Ryuk's protesting despair. Light loses his memories of Ryuk, the notebook, and having been Kira. Before Light even knows what's happening, Aro turns him.

Three days later, Light wakes up a very confused vampire, gets the Volturi pitch with Chelsea there to help loosen bonds, and accepts a position in the guard to, oddly enough, stop those like Kira.

Aro's confused, but hey, they'll see how this Light thing works out. Aro also likely tells himself that he will watch for Ryuk trying to drop Light another notebook like a hawk.

The Kira case is never solved for humans: Kira just disappears one day as if he never existed. As for Light, I imagine he plots the destruction of the newborn armies, and Caius watches in utter fascination as this kid ruthlessly exterminates them all.

Bella is shortly turned into a vampire, much to Edward's despair, and due to the giant mess of this is also likely recruited to Volterra.

How Long Does This Take?

Given the need for the Volturi to first investigate, then Edward, I give them at least a year. Maybe a year and a half.

And really, it's Bella who saves their bacon.