#which is why I haven’t actually gotten very far into the book lol

[alwaysonthemend]

Author's Note: I got a request about 10 million years ago for a fluffy Jake fic where he teaches you how to swim. I loved this prompt so much and I am SO SO SO SO SORRY it took this long. Like it’s embarrassing how long this took. I doubt the wait was worth it at this point but hey at least I actually posted it eventually lol. This has no smut which is very not like me but this Jake was just too sweet for it. I can't write Jake smut without it being filthy. Anyways, all mistakes are my own!

Warnings: Just fluff and cussing. Also Jake is adorable. 

Word Count: 3984

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“Fuck!” 

You snapped your eyes up from your book just in time to see Jake go sailing off Daniel’s shoulders and into the waves, shouting expletives even after he hit the water. You can’t help but to smile as you take in the sight before you – Josh, sitting triumphantly atop Sam’s shoulders, sporting a shit-eating grin, Sam wearing an equally smug smile of his own, and Danny giggling as Jake resurfaces from underneath the waves. 

They’ve been playing chicken for what feels like hours – far longer than any grown men should be playing such a game but they’re enjoying themselves so you can’t really fault them. They’ve more than earned some time off with how crazy tour life has been. 

“I’m done with this shit.” Jake exclaims, trudging his way up from the water and onto the shore where you’ve been sitting. 

“You’re only saying that because you keep losing!!’ Sam calls after him, unceremoniously dumping Josh off his shoulders and into the water before following Jake out as well. 

“You fucker.” You hear Josh yell and you giggle at the scowl he shoots in Sam’s direction. 

Shaking your head, you close your book and look up to see Jake standing before you in all his glory. You allow yourself to drink in his form – his tanned skin looks almost golden in the afternoon light and the smile he’s giving you is downright radiant. His expression is shy and so very soft as he looks down at you. 

“Hi.” You say, smiling back up at him. Your relationship with Jake is still in its early stages – the both of you wildly in love with each other but still figuring out how to express it without feeling hopelessly awkward.

“Hi, angel.” He answers, extending both of his hands towards you. 

You grab hold of them and allow him to pull you upwards and into him, and your belly erupts in butterflies as he presses a soft kiss to your lips. 

“You taste like salt.” You say, grinning at him as you pull away. 

“I wonder why.” 

You nudge his shoulder playfully and pull yourself away from him, turning to look at the other three boys as they make it to your spot. 

“I can’t believe we’re at the beach and you haven’t even gotten in the water, Y/n.” Sam says, shaking his head at you as he grabs his towel to dry off. “That’s literally the point of coming to the beach.” 

You freeze for a second as you stoop down to grab your book before smoothing over your expression and plastering a smile over your face. 

“Maybe I just don’t want to get in the water with you all.” You tell him, turning away as you speak in the hopes that he doesn’t catch the lie. “I’d end up getting hurt with how rough you guys play.” 

“Or maybe she has a secret fear of getting wet.” Danny supplies, grabbing his own towel and scrunching up his curls to help dry them. 

“That’s why she’s dating Jake.” Josh says through a laugh before shaking his head like a dog and spraying the rest of you with droplets of saltwater. 

You turn away from him, trying and failing to protect your book from the water. 

“Oops.” He shrugs and gives you a sideways smile – the one he always gives when he knows he’s being a shit. 

“Fuck off.” Jake snarks back, shooting Josh the bird and turning to look at you for help. 

You laugh lightly, amused despite yourself at Josh’s ability to come up with a joke without missing a beat – and slightly thankful that he’s managed to effectively turn the conversation away from you and your lack of swimming. 

“Don’t worry, babe. You get me plenty wet.” You assure your boyfriend, lacing your fingers with his. 

Jake’s cheeks flush a bright red and he mumbles out a small, sheepish “thank you.” 

“Blech. Gross.” Sam says, breezing past the both of you to walk back towards the beach house that you all had rented. 

“Ready?” You ask, turning back to look at Jake. 

He nods at you and the rest of you begin to follow Sam back to the house. 

Jake falls into step beside you, allowing Josh and Danny to walk in front of the two of you. You walk at a slower pace, falling much farther behind the rest of the group. He’s still holding your hand and the feeling of his fingers interlaced with yours makes your heart flutter. 

“You know I wouldn’t let any of them hurt you or anything, right?” Jake asks, voice soft and too quiet for the others to hear. 

“Huh?” 

“In the water, I mean. You said you didn’t want to swim because of how rough we are.” He clarifies, jerking his head back towards the beach. “If you want to swim, I wouldn’t let them bug you or anything. Or we could come back tomorrow without them.” 

You’re silent for a moment, wracking your brains to try and come up with a response. Even after being able to officially call him yours for a few months now, his sweetness still manages to take you off guard sometimes. “Thank you, Jake. I know you wouldn’t let anything happen.” You finally settle on, giving him a smile. 

“Do you want to, then? We could come back tomorrow and just swim around – just me and you?” He’s looking at you all hopeful, and a sudden flash of guilt slices through you. You know how much he loves being at the beach and there isn’t a doubt in your mind that he would adore swimming with just the two of you. 

“Maybe. I was actually thinking of going into town for some shopping tomorrow, though.” You say, praying that your answer doesn’t disappoint him. 

“Oh.” He says, the glimmer in his eyes fading a little bit. “Okay. Maybe another time then.” 

Fuck. 

You open your mouth to invite him to come with you into town instead but you’re interrupted by Sam yelling from the deck of the beach house. 

“Would you two hurry the fuck up! I’m hungry!” 

“Coming, Samuel. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Jake calls back, extracting his fingers from yours and jogging up the wooden steps onto the deck, leaving you with nothing but an intense feeling of guilt and shame. 

Slowly, you trudge your way up the stairs behind him, signing heavily at yourself. 

-⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️-

Dinner was proving to be  a loud affair – alcohol and good food making the boys even louder than they usually are (which really is saying something). Jake cooked, looking positively gorgeous as he flipped burgers on the grill. 

“That smells so fucking good.” Danny practically moaned, taking a seat in one of the patio chairs. 

“Course it does, Danny.” Jake grinned at him, face cocky and cheeks flushed from being out in the sun for so long. “I’m the meat man.” 

Sam let out a loud cackle, shaking his head into his drink. 

“I don’t think that means what you think it means, brother.” Josh tells him, amusement flickering over his face. 

Jake furrows his brows in confusion at him before turning to look at you for support. 

Grinning, you just shake your head at him. 

“Definitely not what you think it means, babe.” 

Once the burgers were finished (Jake had begrudgingly grilled a vegan burger for Sam with only a few protests), the five of you all decided to retire – all of the boys exhausted from their earlier antics down at the  beach. As you all said your goodnights, you couldn’t help but notice that Jake seemed a lot more reserved than he had before your earlier conversation. You knew him well enough to know that something was off with him. Though he would never say it, his feelings were definitely a little hurt after you’d declined going down to the beach with him. You know that sooner or later you’ll have to either fess up the truth or come up with a more convincing excuse. 

Once you make it to your room, you turn to see Jake gathering his things to go and take a shower. Without thinking – afraid of letting him leave with his feelings still hurt, you blurt out his name. 

“Yeah?” He says, looking up from his suitcase. 

“I-” You purse your lips, frustrated at yourself for saying something before you’d been able to come up with an excuse, 

“Is everything okay, angel?” 

You just shake your head, anxiety making the back of your neck feel hot. 

“If this is about not wanting to go down to the beach tomorrow, it’s okay.” He says simply, shrugging his shoulders and shooting you a sideways smile. “I can find something to do on my own.” He turns his back to you, making his way towards the bedroom door. 

“Jake, stop!” You call – louder than you meant to. 

Jake turns back to you, confusion evident on his face at your raised voice. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” You start, and you can feel your cheeks growing hot as your emotions start to get the better of you. You know it’s silly to be so upset – but you’re torn between hurting Jake’s feelings or revealing something that you never wanted to reveal. 

“Y/n,” Jake starts, placing his things on the dresser and crossing the room to stand in front of you. “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say here. But I promise you it’s okay that you want to do something else.” He assures you, placing his hands on your shoulders and squeezing lightly. 

“I do wanna go!” You insist, clenching your fists in frustration at yourself. “It’s just..”  

He raises an eyebrow at you, silently begging you to keep going. Ducking your head to look at your feet rather than at him, you allow your confession to slip past your lips. 

“I don’t know how to swim.”  

“What?”  

You flinch slightly, waves of embarrassment washing over you at the incredulity in his tone. 

“You don’t know how to swim?” He says, before giggling softly under his breath. 

“It’s not funny.” You say, finally turning up to look at him. You can feel tears threatening to fall and your bottom lip quivers as you fight to hold them back. 

“Hey, hey. No.” Jake slides his hands from your shoulders to your waist, holding you softly. “I’m not laughing at you, angel. I’m just laughing because I thought something was really wrong.”

His words do little to soothe your shame and you shake your head and try to pull away from him – but his grip on your waist only tightens. 

“Let me go.” You say petulantly, wanting nothing more than to go and sit alone somewhere in your misery.

“No.” 

“Jake…” You warn, dropping your shoulders in defeat. “Please let me go.” 

“Why?” 

“So I can go suffer in peace.” 

He chuckles again, sweet and genuine, and you can’t help the smile that wants to grace your lips at the sound. 

Jake lets go of your waist but his gaze pins you to the spot for a moment, He’s not looking at you any different than he usually does – only a small bit of amusement lingering on his face. 

“You could have told me that a whole lot sooner, ya know?” 

You shake your head. 

“It’s embarrassing. I mean, who else my age doesn’t know how to swim, Jake?” 

“Plenty of people!” Jake says, walking away from you to take a seat on the edge of the bed. He leans backwards, using his arms to brace himself as he leans back. Despite the situation, your eyes still roam his beautiful form – admiring the golden tan of his skin and the way his hair falls across his shoulders. 

“Swimming can be intimidating. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

You sigh heavily, looking away from him to stare at the wall. You’re not entirely sure what to say and the room lapses into silence for a moment. 

“I could teach you.” 

Your eyes snap back to him at that, eyeing him warily as he looks at you hopefully. 

“What?” 

“I could teach you to swim.” He continues, rising from his place to meet you in the middle of the room. “This house has a pool. The rest of the guys are probably asleep. Just you and me.” “I don’t know…” You trail off, biting your lip as your nerves make themselves known. You’ve put off learning to swim for so long that the fear has begun to fester inside of you – becoming much stronger than it used to be. 

“I won’t make you if you don’t want to. But the offer’s there. I wouldn’t mind.” 

He’s standing in front of you again, hair framing his face and eyes soft. He smells like grill smoke and beach air and you can feel your resolve melting away by the second. 

“Okay.” You breathe out, glancing up at him again. 

A sweet smile spreads across his face, exposing his perfectly white teeth and making his eyes crinkle in the corners. 

“Come on, then!” He exclaims excitedly, grabbing a towel from his back and practically skipping to the bedroom door. 

“Now?” You ask, heart beginning to pound at just the thought. You were hoping you’d have a bit more time to mentally prepare. 

“The guys are asleep.” He starts kindly, lacing his fingers with yours and pulling you out of the bedroom. “It’ll literally just be you and me – no chance of any of them coming out to the pool at this hour.” 

You follow him down the stairs, shivering slightly as your bare feet hit the cold tile of the kitchen. Jake pulls open the sliding door for you with a smile, allowing you to step out onto the patio where you all had eaten dinner. The deck wraps around the side of the house and the pool lies in waiting to your right – dark and ominous as the reality of what you’ve agreed to do washes over you. 

“Jake…” You start, the dark water in the pool filling you with dread. 

“Oh shoot. Hold on.” Jake mutters, before scampering back inside. 

You furrow your brows in confusion before the pool is suddenly illuminated, the little lights on the walls coming to life beneath the water. 

“Figured doing it in the dark probably isn’t the best place to start.” Jake chuckles, walking back outside to come and stand next to you. He dumps his towel onto the deck before rounding the corner of the pool to the stairs. You watch as he walks down the steps and into the water, hissing slightly as his lower half becomes submerged.

“It’s a little cold.” He says with a sideways smile, fanning his hands out in the water on either side of him. The water on that end doesn’t look too deep, but you can’t help but eye the other end – clearly deeper than the side Jake is in. “Coming?” 

You nod, walking slowly over to the steps. You look into the water, clutching both of your hands closely to your chest. You take a step in and immediately the cold makes you want to pull your foot out. But you keep going, wading into the pool to stand next to Jake. 

Immediately, both his hands extend in the water to place two solid hands on your waist. 

“Hi.” He says with a smile, inclining his head at you slightly. “Not bad so far, right?” 

You shake your head slightly. 

“This isn’t the scary part.” You remind him, before nodding your head towards the deeper end of the pool. 

“Fair enough.” Jake affirms, gripping your hips a little tighter. “Put your hands on my shoulders and just hold on, okay?” 

You comply, placing your hands where he told you too. Slowly, Jake leads you both out towards the middle of the pool, only stopping when the water reaches up to your chest. 

“Damn.” Jake says with a grin. “Really holding on tight there, angel.” 

“Sorry.” You say, realizing how your fingertips had been digging into his shoulders. 

Jake giggles softly. 

“It’s okay.” He lets go of your waist and brings his hands up to grab your wrists, holding tightly to you as he bobs up and down slightly in the water. 

“What now?” You ask, trying to keep your heart rate steady. You glance downwards, eyeing the water warily. 

“Keep holding on to my shoulders and I want you to just let your legs relax.” He tells you, adjusting his grip on your wrists. “Just let them float up to the surface.”

You stare at him for a moment, unsure of yourself. 

“I’ve got you.” He assures you, smiling softly. 

Slowly, you allow your body to untense, relaxing your muscles and letting your body float in the water. Keeping your grip on his shoulders, your legs slowly start to float up towards the surface. 

“There ya go.” He grins. “Perfect. Now kick your feet.” 

You kick your feet half-heartedly in the water, barely causing a splash. 

“Harder.” Jake tells you. “Break the surface as much as you can. Sort of like you’re kicking downwards.”

You kick your legs harder, causing the water to splash upwards and spray the both of you. 

“Oops.” You laugh, the sound coming out breathy from your nerves. 

Both Jake’s hair and your own is now sopping wet – and you’re distracted for a moment by the sight of him. His hair sticks to the side of his face and neck, and you watch, entranced, as a single drop of water makes its way down his cheek and slides down his plush lips. 

“That was perfect.” Jake says with a smile, amusement flashing across his face after catching you staring. “Now you just gotta use your arms.”

Your eyes widen slightly. 

“So I’ve gotta let go of you, then?” You ask, trying to joke but there’s no real humor in it. 

Jake laughs anyway. 

“That would make it easier, yeah. I won’t let you drown. I promise.” 

“Thanks, babe.” You say, a hint of sarcasm sneaking into your tone. “Why did I let you talk me into this?” 

“Because you love me.” He says cheekily. 

You roll your eyes in response. 

“When you let go, I want you to keep kicking your feet under the water. Think about your arms going up and down, too. Kind of like a bird.”

“Like a bird?” You ask doubtfully, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I mean… kinda. Just move them up and down.”

You grumble at him, but slowly let go of his shoulders. He hovers his hands on your waist, helping to keep you afloat as you try and practice the motion. 

“I hate this. This is so stupid.” You mutter, feeling like you’ve never been more out of your element in your life. 

“That’s the spirit, babe.” 

You scowl.

“I’m gonna let go now and you just keep doing what you're doing.”

“What?” You squeak, snapping your gaze to meet his. “Don’t let go!” 

“You’ve got this!” He grins, extracting his grip from your waist. 

You flail in the water for a moment, arms and legs flapping and kicking around wildly. Eventually, the panic wears off and you calm your movements down, allowing your limbs to move more fluidly in the water. 

“Babe!” Jake grins, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re doing it. That’s called treading.” 

You can’t help the proud smile that overtakes your face at his praise and you can feel your cheeks heat slightly. 

Jake swims farther away from you – going more towards the deep end. 

“Swim towards me.” He commands, treading in place. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” 

“Kick your feet like earlier and tread with your hands. Simple doggy paddle. Right towards me.”

“Absolutely not.” You tell him, perfectly content to keep treading water where you are. “I’d rather not drown, thanks.”

“Y/n,” Jake starts, sounding like a father speaking to his kid. “Do you really think I’m going to let you drown? You’ve got this. I’m right here.” 

You sigh at him. 

“I hate you.” 

“No you don’t.” He says kindly. “Now come over here.” 

Begrudgingly, you do as he says – kicking your feet aggressively behind you as you paddle with your hands. Slowly but surely, you make your way over to him. 

As soon as you get close, Jake darts his hands out and grabs your shoulders – helping you to float next to him. 

“See?” He asks with a grin, eyes sparkling in the dim light, “Not so bad.” 

“I still don’t like this.” You mutter, mind half focused still on trying to tread the water next to him. 

Slowly, Jake lets go of your shoulders and the two of you just float in the middle of the pool for a moment.  

“You’ll get better at it.” He assures. 

Just then, you hear a car horn honk in the distance, drawing your attention away from Jake and towards where the sound came from. Seeing nothing, you look back towards your boyfriend only to be met with a face full of chlorine as he splashes you. 

“Jake!” You sputter, blinking your eyes to try and clear the water from them. “You fuck head!” 

“Oops.” He giggles – the sound so reminiscent of Josh it’s almost like his twin just came down and possessed him for a moment. Sometimes you forget that they’re twins until you’re so starkly reminded. 

“What?” 

Your bewilderment must have shown on your face. 

“Nothing.” You smile at him. “You just sounded exactly like Josh when you did that.”

“Ugh.” He groans, rolling his eyes and swimming away from you slightly. “Don’t tell me I remind you of that loser.”

“Jake, you’re twins. You two are so simila-” You’re cut off once again by a face full of water. 

“Those are fighting words, Y/n!” Jake says through a laugh, swimming farther into the pool. 

“Come back here, you ass!” You paddle your way towards him, muscles straining to try and keep up with him. 

“No!” He giggles, stopping for a moment to splash you again. 

This time, you see it coming and splash him first, causing him to sputter and cough as the water fills his mouth. 

The two of you descend into laughter as Jake swims away from you again, using his legs to kick water at you. You give chase, splashing him as well as you pursue him. 

Eventually too winded to continue, you give up your chase of him and just tread the water again, laughing breathlessly. Jake swims back over to you, his own laughter sounding like music to your ears. 

“Does this mean I win?” He asks you, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss. All you taste is chlorine, but the warmth of his lips pressing to yours fills you with butterflies. 

“Nah. Just taking a break for a second.” 

Jake’s eyes are pinned to yours, a strange expression spreading over his face. It’s sweet and loving… but there’s something else there too. Pride? 

“What?” 

He shakes his head at you. 

“You learned how to swim.” 

“Oh.” You say on an exhale, glancing around to realize that the two of you have come to a stop in the deep end of the pool – the very place that you’d been so afraid of not an hour before. “I guess I did.” 

“I’m the best fucking teacher ever.” He says, grinning proudly at you and puffing out his chest.

You roll your eyes but you can’t really argue. You are swimming, all thanks to him and his willingness to be patient and to distract you from your nerves. You realize now that the whole water fight had just been to get you out of your head – something that he’s always been remarkably good at. 

“Thank you, Jake.” 

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

----------

If you're reading this, I love you! 💞

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[dustorange]

opinions?… 😬😬

https://www.tumblr.com/melmov/750293558453501952?source=share

link

Wfa =free, comics = $3.99 per -> subsidized demand -> market distortion -> :/ :(

The claim of that post—“people have gotten tired of unrelenting grimdark” e.g. actual DC main runs and therefore prefer “slice-of-life fluff [that] also presents a coherent, easy-to-enter, balanced storyline” e.g. WFA—is directionally accurate but its also sort of talking about a Different Group of People than DC Comics Readers.

in particular there is a group of people who have been pretty much totally deracinated from developing or being capable of developing their own opinions on media or humor or life. because of social media and maybe also they r very young. there is a general valence to that part of fandom: the incorrect quotes, the Canva-post-derived politics, the memetic vocab + jokes and like this weird very limited view of redditizedhistory and culture+literature consisteing of the binding of Isaac and twoheadedcalf poem. and so there is just genuinely not the ability to process things that haven’t been run through a filter of accessibility. and WFA, which has BEAUTIFUL art and lots of very sweet moments, IS super accessible and its also sort of been through the preapproved foundfamily neoliberal kitsch machine and come out with a passing grade. but yes it is missing that like elusive Something and it also lacks a seriousness and it isnt the Characters. it’s something else. And its so pretentious to say its for people who don’t have the like stamina ??? for longerform storytelling but yes if you pressed me i would say its a bunch of people, primarily young genz and millennial girls/women, whose critical mental faculties and attention spans have been fried by social media and underexposure to challenging original content

that’s a different new group being lassoed into dc stuff from the previous existing audience. The DC Comics Reader People. i don’t know how much of this to do gender politics with but comics fandom has DEFINITELY gotten MUCH more female in the last 2 decades and there was a distinctive male comic book go-to-the-LCS-and-get-physical-copies and rigorously-autisticslly-fight-about-minutia-of-canon culture. Men also r going to be the one who GENERALLY prefer your fightheavy “”””grimdark””” comics, as opposed to women who doooo generally prefer social relational content. And also women-dominated comics fandom spaces are obviously qualitatively different from men’s fandom spaces. So PART of the reason WFA outsells real DC stuff is market distortion and PART is the DCfan genderdemographic shift that favors content like WFA

I rly hesitate to endorse a lot of Canon dc tumblr’s posts about the fanony WFA-style stuff bc it seems so clear that a the latter is enjoyed primarily by a group of very young people and it also feels like there’s a weird power imbalance intellectually between fanon and canon people. AND I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN LET PEOPLE READ AND ENJOY THE CONTENT THEY WANT and they shouldn’t be shamed for enjoying something as visually sweet and cute as WFA. and a lot of canon tumblr’s rants abt fanon stuff r clearly sort of excessively vicious and insecure attempts to feel superior. although admittedly quietly they r correct but it comes off cruel idk. also i think that BATMAN and superman and to some extent some others ARE indeed very flexible in terms of what is canon and what you have to consume to have consumed The Character and The Story. ive never seen BTAS but as far as im concerned, someone who has only watched BTAS is someone who has the right to do whatever batman stuff they want.

Related questions are: Is mainline DC batman stuff GOOD right now? and Is WFA good? I agree that mainline DC stuff isnt the best right now and i haven’t read WFA so i can’t comment on its quality but i honestly don’t think its the case that “WFA is better written than actual Batman comics, so thats why WFA is more popular” lol

[ennawrite]

Thanks for the tag @sonics-atelier (& someone else but i can’t find the post😭)!!

Answer the questions below & tag whoever you want, or make it an open tag!!

Who's your favourite ACOTAR character?

Nesta & Lucien. Tamlin is at the top as well :)

Who's your least favourite character?

Amren. She is not interesting to me at all. I can forgive a lot but I draw the line at boring characters.

Say something nice about your least favourite character.

I think she could be a cool character but SJM hasn’t given us much in regards to the IC, even though they’ve been part of the series since the second book. Maybe she can rectify that in the next few books but I’m losing hope, especially after HOFAS🤷‍♀️

Who's your favourite High Lord? (If you picked one for your fav character, then who's your second fav!)

I absolutely adore Tarquin. I think he has the potential to be a really good HL, especially since the bar is so low😭

Favourite MINOR character?

Probably Jurian, if he counts as a minor character lol. The Bone Carver too, though his death was very anticlimactic for being a DEATH god lmao

Favourite ship? (Crackships included!)

Tamsand, Azris, Targwyn when it comes to crackships. Elucien for real ships!!

Favourite court and why?

I loveee the beach so I love the Summer Court, I feel like it’d be so nice there. I also really like Tarquin & Cresseida and I just know they’d be so fun to party with

Make up a brand new court RIGHT NOW, NO PREP JUST VIBES.

I’m making a court for the girlies, gays & theys. No straight men allowed.

What relationship would you have wanted to see more of in the books?

I wanna see more of Tamlin & Rhys rectifying their past friendship. I would also like to see Lucien/Eris & their mother interacting.

What's your unpopular opinion?

I don’t really LOVE any of the mating pairs we’ve gotten so far, but I’m still a ride or die for Elucien. But also, I loved the idea of feysand & nessian until they actually got together and now I’m doubting SJM’s ability to write a good, healthy romantic relationship. Which is a bit ironic.

What's your favourite headcanon/fan canon?

That Tamlin & Rhys had a brief, violently passionate love affair hundreds of years ago and that’s why there’s so much tension between them (outside of the family murders lol). On the flip side, I also like the idea of Tamlin having a romantic relationship with Rhys’s sister and that she didn’t really, but escaped through the Starlight pool w/ her mother and Tamlin glamoured random heads to look like theirs. That HC gives me peace because it actually utilizes the magical element in these books lmao

If you were swept away to Prythian, what's ONE thing you would want to do?

Oh baby I’m going to all of the Soltice parties. Especially in Spring & Summer. I’m avoiding all the warnings and heading straight to the faerie wine. And then I’m gonna stick realllll close to Tamlin during Calanmai 😏

If you could have ONE faerie ability seen in the books, which would it be?

Ooh probably shapeshifting. I know we haven’t seen too much of it from Tamlin or Feyre (which is a shame) but Lysandra from ToG made it seem so badass. I love it. Also, winnowing sounds amazing.

Again, I’m late to the party so consider this an obligatory tag to YOU if you haven’t done this yet :)

[web-novel-polls]

Aroace-spec Character Tournament

[Please vote for who you believe is the most aroace-spec character, not the most popular. It will never be acceptable to post "anti-propaganda" in this tournament or invalidate a suggested identity because "they're not aroace enough." You will be blocked unless it's clearly a genuine mistake / misphrasing.]

Propaganda underneath the cut

Yin Hanjiang from Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know

Submission: Demisexual demiromantic

Resubmitting him too because, having read the book, he is also not allo. He very clearly draws a line between love and desire, which allo people usually don't do. He spends the entire book being fairly platonically loyal to Wenren E and then when someone explains what love is and he notices that it lines up with how he feels about Wenren E, he's mad about it. Plus the aroace feeling of falling in love with someone and having that shake your entire being to the core. Also, when asked, he doesn't know what love is, but none of the characters in this book do, so.

Mod Propaganda

Literally only cares about Wenren È

“And as for Yin Hanjiang, he actually seemed to deeply believe he was an ice-cold sword, blind and heartless, not caring if what was in front of him was a man, woman, or beast, so long as it wasn’t Wenren È.” - Ch.6

One of the only characters that’s clearly in love/obsessed with someone at the very beginning, but the story clearly talks about how he Only Likes Wenren È specifically, romantically and sexually (probably. Haven’t gotten that far).

Anyway, demisexual and demiromantic.

Wenren È from Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know

Submission: Asexual demiromantic

Resubmitting him because I have now read the book. And oh boy. He is not allo. He spends the whole book being confused about love and romance, and why that, specifically, would be such a huge motivator for people. He has no interest in it besides how it affects someone else and causes them problems. He falls in love by the end but he still doesn't understand how love works for other people at all

Mod Propaganda

“Wenren È cultivated the Path of Slaughter, and when he saw a beautiful woman, his first thought would be what kind of difference there was to fight a woman versus a man.” - Ch.6

The beginning part of the story is just him trying to understand what romance is and why a novel is saying he was in love with Baili Qingmiao.

Interprets “love is always seeing the other person” as “I should force Baili Qingmiao to be able to physically see this boy at all times”

He eventually becomes stupidly in love with Yin Hanjiang, but it’s a Journey. He clearly does not experience/understand romantic and sexual attraction until then (and even then I'm not sure lol)

[blueaphelion]

Now that I’m caught up on all the Star Wars visual canon (or whatever you’d call the movies and series), I’m starting to speculate more about the upcoming stuff, mainly The Mandalorian season 3 and Ahsoka.

I wonder if Sabine will show up in Mando S3, since it looks like it’ll heavily be about Mandalore itself. She hasn’t been with Ahsoka during the times she shows up in Mando or TBOBF, which could mean any of multiple things:

1. Timeline-wise, we haven’t gotten to the Rebels epilogue yet, which means Sabine is still on Lothal, and Ahsoka has yet to stop by. Maybe Ahsoka is doing some footwork on her own, until she gets some actual leads on Thrawn and Ezra. Since there haven’t been any leads on them yet, Sabine decides to go get involved with whatever is going on with Mandalore when she catches wind of it. This is also why Ahsoka’s clothing/design in the epilogue is so different from what we’ve seen thus far in live action. She hasn’t yet gone through whatever it is she has to go through to become what fans have deemed “Ahsoka The White.”

2. We are past the Rebels epiologue, but for Mandalorian political reasons Sabine has split off from Ahsoka to help her people while Ahsoka continues the search for Thrawn and Ezra, and that’s why we haven’t seen her accompanying Ahsoka in Mando/TBOBF. Whatever happens in season 3 happens, and then we hop over to the Ahsoka series for the storyline that focuses on the search.

3. We are past the Rebels epilogue, and Sabine is with Ahsoka, but for whatever reason we don’t see her the times Ahsoka is on screen. She could be on the same planet doing other things for their cause, or she could be doing mundane things like sleeping on the ship or something (lol).

4. Something else that I’m not thinking of that is totally different than any of the scenarios I described. (Because let’s be real, we can speculate all we want but in the end, the official writers often come up with stuff we never would have dreamed of.)

It really all depends on the timeline. From what I’m observing, the live action series have all been released in chronological order, since Mando S1-2 came first and then The Book of Boba Fett follows after both in-universe and by release dates. In the future, Mando S3 is next, followed by Ahsoka (from what I’m seeing? Neither have had official, specific release dates confirmed yet.) If that’s the case, the events of Ahsoka will take place chronologically after the events of Mando S3.

Also, they seem to really like having characters cross over from one show to the next, especially if they’re a main character in one show and are just a side in another. Because of this, it seems highly likely that Sabine will be in Mando S3, even if she’s only there for like an episode or two as a background character with only a few lines. I mean, she is a Mandalorian, and we have no idea if anything happened to her family during The Purge, or if Krownest was hit at all, or what that situation is.

Also, as someone who is a former wielder of the Darksaber, it seems fitting that she would run into Din at some point. Lots of very interesting things could happen with that, since Din will have then met two former wielders whom are very different from each other. Sabine even still has Ezra’s lightsaber, which could mean some very interesting scenes and conversations. Just sayin’.

At this point, I’m going to drive myself insane thinking about all the “what if’s.” There are infinite possibilities. Do I hope we see Sabine in Mando S3? I love her and think there’s interesting potential for her character there, so yes. Will I be surprised if she isn’t? No. Again, the official writers know more about where the story is supposed to be going than I do. All I can do is sit back and enjoy whatever ride they’ve created for us.

[ratherbefangirling]

Fanfic writing asks! 💖

8, 43, 57, 72, 63 💕

Omg I wasn't actually expecting it but thank you so much 💓

Warning this is long

Question list

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Yoongi peels oranges sitting on the soft rug placed on the carpeted floor. He feeds a bit to everyone. For you though he has reserved a plate of your favourite food so that you can eat it with Namjoon who loves feeding you since he can't cook for you. You always told him it was fine but he just wanted to do something anything for you. So you let him do it. Let yourself be loved.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I dream a lot basically I have a string

•This Rapunzel AU where the reader has glasses

• Dragon Namjoon

•Yandere where he isn't originally obsessed with the reader but married to her

• Friend for rent

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

Half conscious. Sometimes I do intend to portray things but a lot of times I leave that weird idea in a wip until it joins with something I later wrote. I very much write on whim for the life of me I cannot write otherwise.

I am very conscious about the moods and If there is a cliffhanger

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

It has to be by @mintsugarmy ; I have told her I'm going to print her comments and put it on my wall, other one on top of my head is @bri-mal because she said if I ever wrote a book she'd get it

(I'm doing this out of memory because I realise I have a bigger masterlist than I realised)

63. What was the hardest part of writing [insert fic]?

Since you've not given any fic I'm going to talk in general. Firstly editing it, I used to write on my computer before but with tumblr it's written on my phone so autocorrect and everything and English not being my native or me not living in a west I feel like I don't know what universe it should be in.

Secondly like loosing motivation, for me story writing is like making a soup. So me writing it at first begins with full of energy then I need to let it simmer in my brain and some soups are easy others aren't and then when I serve the soup the response is so different that it's almost a gamble with myself. Often it feels like do they like my writing or was it fluke it turned out to thier taste.

Like any bts writer knows how maknae line fics easily steal the show and I began writingthinking I should try to make more hyung line to fill the gap but then I wanted to pay them all equal attention.

Also I see a lot of interaction with writers from thier followers that sometimes is disconcerting like what am I doing wrong. Ofcourse I take time to realise there is skill difference and some have been here far longer then I have and there is also the fact where I dont write NSFW but also I write yandere

As writer I can appreciate a growth in my work and I am grateful for the people and connections on this site and I do just like tumblr even without writing. Which is why I'm perpetually online lol.

Recently for my fic Belong I've recieved a lot of attention at first it made me happy. It is supposed to be a comforting fiction so that felt good but it was supposed to be short but a lot of people wanted to read more and I did enjoy writing something with minimal angst or drama. Just a feel good thing but after a while I feel overwhelmed by it and it sometimes feels unfair that the fic I've worked the most on recieves barely any attention as compared to belong. Writing for myself is fun and that is why I keep coming up with new things but it's plainly a lie to say if people's responses don't matter. I always appreciate people who question things about my writing because it means they're paying attention.

I think I got carried away haha. If you reached here thanks for reading.

And to anyone else reading this if you haven't already go check out @aris-ink works.

And I'm socially inept only because I kept reading novels about friends rather than making them so do you want to be mutuals? 💜💜

[figofswords]

back to your harrow pfp i see 👀

well yes of COURSE we are on 24/7 tlt lockdown

[butterflydm]

wot reread: crossroads of twilight (prologue - chap 9)

spoilers through... mostly crossroads of twilight (I have to admit that my brain is not certain where CoT ends and KoD begins; they kinda blur together).

wish me luck.

1. The opening quotation literally sounds like Jordan is saying to us all: Slog Time is in full swing! “The right hand falters and the left hand strays”. No, this is the tenth book in the series why are you doing this to me. That being said... I guess I will say that Perrin is the hand that falters and Mat is the hand that strays, even though it should be the other way around because Mat was absolutely Rand’s right-hand man.

2. So, imo, one of the main issues that happened during the Slog was that Jordan started these new subplots back in LoC/ACoS and then... lost sight of what the narrative PURPOSE of the subplots were supposed to be and started just writing them for their own sake, as if they were the main plots. Perrin’s ‘kidnapped wife’ subplot straight-up shouldn’t have happened at all but, if it did, it should have been wrapped up in a single book. What his actual plot should have been about was the tension of killing or not killing Masema, which is a question that actually goes to the heart of Perrin’s characterization and his place as one of Rand’s childhood friends!

Is it okay to kill a dangerous man who isn’t a threat to you personally but has caused enormous destruction in his wake? Very relevant question, because lots of people want to kill or control RAND because he’s a dangerous man who brings destruction in his wake. The only Perrin pages that I will consider relevant are the ones dealing with this issue, thanks! Everything else can (and should, in the TV series) be tossed away.

3. Mat’s subplot losing its way is actually worse, because Winter’s Heart gave us some strong narrative promises about him and left him off on a relatively exciting note... and then we immediately slow everything down in this book when his plot would have been much better served by a quick pace, focusing on the elements that Winter’s Heart told us would matter: Seanchan characters questioning their empire, the issue of the sul’dam, and the future slaver empress being a woman who is capable of channeling but being destined to marry a man who (last book) despises slavery and is wary of women who can channel, literally her two main things. In Mat’s storyline, I’m also going to be keeping an eye on characterization reversals from previous books.

4. We basically skipped Egwene last book, so this should now be the book where she does the siege of Tar Valon; this is also the book where Elayne is going to defend Caemlyn against a mysterious army. Those are the two things that the narrative told us last book would happen. I feel like Elayne probably holds up her end of the narrative deal; she usually does. But we’ll see! CoT & KoD really merge together in my brain and I’m not certain what happens in which of the books. But both Elayne and Egwene have kept their eyes on the prize so far -- Elayne on securing rulership of Andor and Egwene on securing rulership of the Aes Sedai, both tasks that need to be accomplished for the Last Battle, so honestly they both get gold stars simply because they haven’t gotten distracted away from the main plot of this story: defeating the Dark One at the Last Battle.

5. We don’t know what Rand and Nynaeve’s plans are for after the cleansing, only that they were both really tired and Cadsuane was being creepy and possessive of Rand at the end of Winter’s Heart. Their storyline moved ahead of everyone else’s at the end of the last book, so we will also see everyone else catch up to them in this book, probably.

6. And now we dive into the prologue. This is the other place where the Slog comes into play: too many random PoVs. Some of these are worthwhile and some of them just felt kinda pointless. Though, ironically, all of them are probably better (and much more succinct) than Mat and Perrin’s plotlines in this book, lol, which I’m basically tossing in the bin.

7. Rodel Ituralde has received his letter from his King via “Lady Tuva” which is actually from Graendal. What happens: he’s waiting. We do learn some info about how he is trying to hold Arad Doman together by the skin of his teeth. It’s been “less than a month” since the weather changed. We learn that he’s been getting odd orders from the King (who is in hiding) for months. How many of those orders were actually from Graendal, I wonder. Yeah, it sounds like pretty much all the orders were from Graendal, as Ituralde thinks with despair, “the orders the King sent could not have been better written to achieve chaos”. This is the fruits of Graendal’s labor during the LoC-WH era.

8. Ituralde has taken the letter as an opportunity to meet under a flag of peace (the “White Ribbon”) with Lord Shimron, who used to be one of the King’s advisors but turned Dragonsworn and sits high among the Dragonsworn in Arad Doman (and the Dragonsworn rule by council, which is interesting). He wants to set against his differences with the Dragonsworn to unite against the Seanchan invaders. Oh goodness, yes. I absolutely approve. Please unite against the Seanchan. Would love for Arad Doman to be a bulwark against them going any further to the north, just as Rand is holding Illian to stop them going any further east. Ah, the exact words of the letter are to ‘gather as many men as he can and strike against the Seanchan’. I am assuming Graendal did NOT think he would consider offering truce to the Dragonsworn and was just hoping to feed the Arad Domani army into a meatgrinder. The Dragonsworn here are both Arad Domani and Taraboner and the ones from Tarabon are VERY unhappy about the puppet King and Panarch that the Seanchan have placed on the throne in their home country. This is a good section. Worth all 15 pages. I also really appreciated us getting a chance to see Dragonsworn (who aren’t under Rand’s direct control) who also aren’t cultists like Masema’s people or using it as an excuse to be bandits. Lord Shimron and the people with him are shown to be very principled; they’ve just decided that following the Dragon is a higher calling than following their King.

9. Valda PoV and catching up with the Whitecloaks. This is literally just reminding us of things we already know about Valda and the Whitecloaks. Unnecessary. 5 pages we didn’t need. He’s bitter about the Seanchan taking the Fortress of Light - yeah, duh, of course he is. I just kinda assumed that.

10. And we’re with Gabrelle and the Black Tower now. We don’t learn anything particularly new. Taim and Logain are still at opposite sides of the Black Tower conflict. Only two weeks have passed in this storyline since we last checked in with Toveine. We could have covered this in maybe 3 pages, for the new info about Logain going recruiting.

11. Yukiri in the White Tower. The rumors are all worrying Yukiri, one of the Sisters in the White Tower, especially the ones about Rand vanishing (she wonders if Elaida’s proclamation is to blame). Anyway, Yukiri is one of the Sitters who was drawn into the Black Ajah Hunters plotline, so I’m inclined to like her part. She’s working now with one of the Gray sisters who was sent back to the Tower to spread the rumors about the Reds having raising up Logain as a False Dragon. Things have gotten even worse in the Tower, with sisters not leaving their Ajah quarters alone and always wearing their shawls. They have three names of other Black Ajah sisters from Talene: Atuan (Yellow Ajah), Galina (Red Ajah; in charge of Rand’s kidnapping and now a slave to the Shaido), and Temaile (Gray; left the Tower with Liandrin’s bunch,  currently in Caemlyn). Of them, only Atuan is in the Tower still. In order to figure out why everything Elaida knows is also known by the Black Ajah, Yukiri asks the sister to renew her old (30 years ago) friendship with Elaida. We also learn that Alviarin abruptly left the Tower yesterday. Most of this section is good and useful; I would take out the scene about the “weird Sitters” mystery.

12. Gawyn with the Sisters in the village outside Tar Valon. Gawyn is aware that standing aside the way he did and letting Rand be hurt is something that Egwene would need to ‘forgive’. Gawyn thinks about how he should have gone home (to Caemlyn) once he returned to Tar Valon and found all his Younglings expelled from the city proper. Yes, that would have been a good idea. Your loyalty is supposed to be to Caemlyn and your sister, and you know that wherever Elayne is and whatever she’s doing, she is NOT in the Tower and neither is Egwene. In fact, your most recent news for BOTH of them is that they’re loyal to Rand (since Gawyn doesn’t about Amyrlin Egwene yet). Yet he tells himself that MAYBE Elayne IS in the White Tower and arrived while he was gone, despite there being absolutely no reason for him to think that. Ah, the rebel army has arrived at the threshold of Tar Valon, we learn. And Gawyn straight-up learns from one of the newly arrived Tower Red sisters that Elayne is on the same side as the rebels and yet... stays to hear Elaida’s orders for him instead . I need @markantonys here to explain to me what goes on inside this man’s head. Because he believes that he must be loyal to the White Tower for Elayne and Egwene’s sake even though he now knows Elayne is ‘with the rebels’ and was last aware that Egwene was with Rand (or I think she left him a letter, so he probably knows she had a ~mysterious task~ but she was definitely on Rand’s side so)... I just don’t understand how this leads to “obey Elaida’s orders”? Is it decision paralysis? He can’t make a choice so he just defaults to the thing that’s in front of his face?

13. Bashere outside Caemlyn with the Legion of the Dragon. He’s studying the newly-erected camps of that army that Elayne was warned about last book -- he can spot soldiers who belong to both of the two main rival claimants to the throne of Andor, Neaen and Elenia but, more intriguingly, the banner being flown near the banner of Andor is one for a lady named Arymilla, who wasn’t considered a serious claimant. Oh! The spy-glass that he’s using was a gift from Rand. That’s sweet. I actually do think Bashere makes for a good general for Rand, but he was also good as a co-general with Mat, from what we saw of the Sammael plan, so I do really mourn that he basically ended up being Mat’s replacement*. But as an individual character and for what he brings to the story, I appreciate him a lot. But, anyway, Caemlyn has been surrounded by this army, with all the main roads out of the city covered. It’s actually an interesting narrative reversal of what we should find in Egwene’s story, once we get there! Elayne is being besieged and Egwene is besieging.

* technically, Mat is replaced by the combination of Bashere + Min, I would say. Bashere for the general expertise and being a “man Rand would trust with his life” and Min for being the person who is there for Rand emotionally (and to carry a lot of knives on their person). Though as my reread has shown to me, Min is TERRIBLE at this job, with all her secrets from Rand and spilling Rand’s secrets to other people and her ominous visions of the future. Hilariously, Mat - who has an undeserved (at this point in the story) fandom reputation for having ‘abandoned’ Rand - was much better at being a friend, a confidant, and a comfort to him than Min has been shown to be. Maybe because he wasn’t just pretending to be Rand’s friend in order to try to angle his way into Rand’s bed. Maybe because Rand understood Mat well enough from their years of friendship that he rarely took Mat’s outer shell as seriously as most of the other characters do. Probably some of both. But Mat actually kept Rand’s secrets for him, provided comfort in the way that Rand told us he preferred at the time (sit quietly next to him as he processes and let him work through it), and, though he grumbled and complained, he always did his best to be there when the chips were down.

14. Bael is annoyed that the Legion of the Dragon and the Aiel forces are just being straight-up ignored by this army, and Bashere reminds him that Elayne doesn’t want them to interfere, which means Rand doesn’t want them to interfere. Which means that the heads of Rand’s armies here both know that he has feelings for Elayne. I kinda assume they must also know that he’s sleeping with Min but they don’t reference her at all, so I wonder if Min being openly Rand’s mistress is just straight-up a Cairhien-only affair and none of his people in Caemlyn know about it. And the Wise Ones, of course, know about Aviendha/Rand/Elayne due to the first-sister ceremony, given that Aviendha and Elayne openly talked about their feelings for Rand in the ceremony. Again, Min is left out of the matter here so... hmm. Let me double-check something in Winter’s Heart. Yeah, they don’t mention Min in their first-sister ceremony when talking about Rand. It really does feel like there are two entirely separate sets of relationships here: Rand/Elayne/Aviendha and Rand/Min.

15. Bashere thinks about how this sort of civil war, even a bloodless version, wouldn’t be possible in Saldaea, due to the Blight always being over their shoulder. Better a tyrant than civil war, is the way that thinking runs in Saldaea, because the country has to stay united in order to fend off Shadowspawn and the Blight to their north. We have seen inklings of this kind of thought appearing earlier in this prologue, with Ituralde reaching out to the Dragonsworn because the danger of the Seanchan is so great. Better unite with Dragonsworn, even if that costs his king his crown, than allow their country to be taken by the Seanchan.

16. Bashere comes back to his tent to learn that his wife, Deira, has just survived an attack. He notes that they’re considered odd among Saldaeans because they rarely shout at each other. Then why does Faile... moving on. Anyway, they tease each other a lot, mostly, and talk lightly of serious matters. But, yes, an assassination attempt on Bashere’s wife. Then he, mysteriously, tells Tumad to go to the “man who came to me yesterday” and tell him that Bashere agrees to whatever it was that he’d asked. Clearly something related to why someone tried to kill Deira. This is also a good section of the prologue.

17. Before I even read this next section, I am going to say that 30 pages given to one of Cadsuane’s companions is just TOO MANY. This is too many pages of a side character’s PoV! Anyway, Cadsuane “left a week ago” so Rand is currently still in Far Madding during this section of the prologue. Samitsu’s purpose in Cairhien is to keep an eye on the politics. Nothing in this is relevant at all until Loial and Karldin show up: we know that Dobraine is keeping an eye on Cairhien for Rand. I don’t care what Cadsuane’s flunky thinks about the situation. Dobraine is literally doing exactly the job that Rand set for him -- running the city and making sure that there’s enough support for Elayne that her claim should settle into place easily once she makes it. I approve of Rand choosing Stewards for the cities under his rule but this one should have been Berelain. She was doing a GOOD JOB and she got kicked out because Rand started to feel too much lust for her now that he had an on-site girlfriend, so he demoted and dismissed a good proxy ruler for being too pretty and replaced her with a man. I will never not be mad about this plot/character development. #BerelainDeservedBetter

18. Okay, Loial comes back into the story, along with Karldin. They went off to let the steddings know that the Dragon Reborn wanted all the Waygates possible to be sealed, because the Shadow is using them to move troops. The PoV character is still Samitsu, but one of Rand’s oathsworn Aes Sedai is also here to talk to them, Sashalle, who is Red Ajah and was one of the three sisters stilled by Rand at Dumai’s Wells and then healed by Damar Flinn. Sashalle sounds like a true believer in Rand now (potentially helped along by Verin’s Compulsion).

19. Loial and Karldin are looking for Rand, of course, and worrying over the tales about what happened to the Sun Palace. They’re able to get some reassurance from Samitsu and Sashalle on that regard -- Rand has left but he is not the one who destroyed the palace. We then find out from the servants that Lord Dobraine was murdered. The group of four investigates. He’s almost dead but there is a faint flicker of life, Normal Aes Sedai healing would kill him from the shock of it. She is able to heal him enough to close the worst of the wounds without the shock of healling killing him, but he will need to heal the rest of it the normal way. It looks like the people who tried to kill Dobraine were planning to steal something that he was keeping (probably for Rand?) and might have successfully stolen it, as Loial and Karldin wonder if there were more than two attackers (there are two bodies). We end on the news that a group of Sisters and Asha’man have entered the city, led by Logain.

It does sound like every single PoV in the prologue has been pre-cleansing. Honestly, most of these PoVs were pretty useful, though a couple seemed pointless and several could have been shorter. Maybe the prologues in The Slog got a bad rap and it’s really all Mat and Perrin dragging everything down.

20. Now we enter the book proper and we are in Mat’s PoV. As a reminder, these characters were established as strongly ANTI-SLAVERY/Anti-Seanchan in Winter’s Heart:

Mat (one of his main pieces of characterization in WH)

Setalle Anan (one of her only pieces of characterization in WH)

Juilin (mostly for the sake of his ladylove)

Noal (believes slavery is worse than death)

Teslyn, Joline & Edesina (for obvious reasons)

Thom (helps Beslan plot rebellion against the Seanchan)

Beslan (despises the Seanchan for invading his city). he’s not present but he’s also not dead, so I’m including him

These characters are strongly Oh Shit, Gotta Save My Own Skin/It’s All About Me:

Renna, Seta, & Bethamin (slaves if the Truth Were Known)

Egeanin (same but for her actions and not inherently who she is)

Domon (wants to be free to marry Egeanin)

These characters are strongly pro-slavery:

Tuon (dormant marath’damane)

And we have Selucia, who is a slave. Because Tuon was allowed to bring her slave along with her, which was our first hint on-page that the narrative planned to pull its punches with Tuon, back in WH. Why would you bring her slave along with her? Literally only to coddle her. Why are we coddling the slaver? The narrative doesn’t get into it enough in Winter’s Heart for it to stand out what a bizarre choice it is for Mat to give Tuon the indulgence of bringing along her slave during her kidnapping when he’s actively helping freed slaves escape at that very moment, but it really stands out once we get into Crossroads of Twilight.

Characters who didn’t express strong feelings about slavery in WH:

Olver (only cared about boobs the entire book; did not appear to have noticed that Ebou Dar was ever invaded at all)

Mat’s remaining Band members (mostly just yes-men at this point, sadly)

21. I am not going to go over the majority of Mat’s chapters, since this is a pointless side-quest, but I am keeping tracking of certain items -- every time Tuon refuses to use Mat’s name, every time she acts like a spoiled brat, every time she reminds us that she’s a slaver, and every time one of the actual good things from Winter’s Heart (or previous books) is undermined or reversed. Apart from that, things of note in the first four chapters:

It’s been six days since the night of the escape.

Mat has been thinking a lot about just taking a horse and riding away from the circus as quickly as he can manage it.

He’s depressed about how many Atha’an Miere were killed or recaptured by the Seanchan.

“Oh no one has cut off slaves’ feet for hundreds of years... well, not many people currently cut off their slaves’ feet and we frown at them for doing it. We don’t punish them but we kinda frown.” (paraphrased)

No alarm was raised for Tuon’s disappearance.

Mat still doesn’t want to be married.

Why didn’t Mat and ALUDRA pretend to be lovers instead of Mat and Egeanin? I guess Aludra was already with the circus but still. Didn’t... didn’t the circus see him coming to visit her before? Hadn’t he ALREADY made an arrangement with Luca?

Olver shows a single vague hint of concern that the Seanchan might catch them, so he is aware that they are not on the same side as the Seanchan, at least.

Utterly UTTERLY bizarre that Mat thinks of Selucia as a ‘lady’s maid’ when he knows damn well that she’s a slave. I guess we’re supposed to assume that he’s in denial that his future wife is a slave-owner who actively has a slave with her right now? But if that’s the case, then the narrative needs to have him confront that denial at some point.

Tylin is dead! 💖 It was a horrible and painful death! 💖💖 Best thing that’s happened in this book so far. I’m glad she was an exception to Jordan’s Can’t Kill A Woman thing.

Why does the book act like Joline hasn’t had a collar on her? She had to be collared in order to escape the city; this fact was repeated earlier in Mat’s recap. Sure, it wasn’t the same, since she knew (well, ‘knew’) that she would be let out again, but she HAS been collared and linked to a sul’dam. iirc, I remember that Nynaeve wanted to sick up the second she put on the bracelet on and wouldn’t let Elayne wear the collar even as part of a plan, even as a fake, back in TGH.

...does Mat not know about the sul’dam secret? It kinda seems like he doesn’t. Rand didn’t seem to know it back in TPoD either. The Wondergirls have known since book TWO, this should be common knowledge among all their allies! Lack of communication kills! I love the Wondergirls but they really only are good at communicating with each other and don’t tell anyone else shit.

Ah, we get fixed in time again: Joline wanted to talk to him because they can feel immense amounts of the Power at work and they’re certain it’s the Forsaken: the cleansing is happening. Mat isn’t worried though because after she mentions it, he gets a vision of Rand (and Nynaeve, but Mat only picks up on the fact that it’s Rand and the other person is just the figure of a woman) and he wonders if maybe it was RAND who made the dice stop this time, not Tuon. He doesn’t say anything to them about it being Rand tho.

I don’t care about Tuon’s sob story. We heard her backstory in Winter’s Heart and that was fine, but now I only care about the person she currently is, not the child that she was once upon a time. Every one of the damane was also just a little girl, once upon a time, but none of them get a chapter expounding on their backstories and trying to get us to see them as ~innocent little girls~. I think Alivia got, like, two sentences.

22. And we’re back with Perrin’s subplot that shouldn’t exist because the Shaido should not still be a problem. Five chapters. Things of note:

We start with Perrin dreaming of being a wolf. I do like when we get wolf-related things. Sadly, the wolves are of no use to Perrin when he’s awake. why is perrin trapped in a subplot where his wolf-friends are useless? (why is mat stuck in a subplot where he has the shittiest luck in the world?)

Perrin thinks about how he is absolutely willing to abandon Rand and the Last Battle if it comes now, because he has a greater duty. Oh, I guess he IS the left hand who strays after all, making Mat the right hand who falters. That kinda makes sense, since Mat has just been chilling in the circus next to the city and not ACTUALLY escaping despite that being his entire goal last book.

Faile has been gone for 22 days.

Perrin has finally figured out that Masema is trying to avoid returning to Rand for as long as possible.

Perrin finds the tracks of a pack of Darkhounds and follows it until he detemines that it went off hunting in another direction.

Berelain discreetly gives Perrin proof that Masema is dealing directly with the Seanchan -- High Lady Suroth (Darkfriend).

Why doesn’t Perrin immediately take this to Rand, showing him that there’s no point in trying to take in Masema under his wing? He doesn’t even have to break off his search, just let one of the Asha’man go. But that would require thinking about something other than Faile, so it’s out, of course.

The Shaido have taken an entire TOWN. Ridiculous. They shouldn’t even still be around. Ten thousand Shaido? Ridiculous.

Berelain mentioned that Neald or Grady could fetch more jewels from Mayene for them to sell to potentially buy back their people from the Shaido. Or. Here’s a thought. Have them try to find out where Rand is? Like, they wouldn’t actually be able to find him right now given where we are in the story but they should at least TRY. And if they tried and failed, at least that would be an excuse for this plotline to continue.

We find out that Darkhounds can eat wolves’ souls. That’s creepy. I’d like more wolf-lore and less... any of the rest of this.

Elyas was there during the Blood Snow, apparently. I assume as a Warder?

While Perrin is studying the town where Faile is being held captive, he has a whirlwind of colors in his head and he doesn’t just see Rand but also Nynaeve. It’s not about Faile so he forces himself not to think about it. He does let the people with him know that the big surge of saidin & saidar was Rand.

note: I think both Mat and Perrin made the right call here when it comes to whether or not they talk about this being Rand’s work -- Mat is among near-strangers; he shouldn’t tell them that Rand is doing something important; Perrin is among Rand’s allies; reassuring them is a good thing. But Mat also knows how to keep his mouth shut, so there’s that, too.

New things I’m keeping track of for this book! Now, Tuon is only in Chapter 3 of Mat’s section here, a total of 14 pages.

Tuon refuses to use Mat’s name, calling him ‘Toy’ instead:

Chapter 3: 13 times

Tuon acts like a spoiled brat:

she refuses to use Mat’s name

throws pottery at Mat because she’s annoyed at him

she’s jealous of another woman wanting to have a conversation with Mat

Tuon reminds us she’s a slaver:

she refuses to use Mat’s name

talks about turning Mat into one of her slaves (da’covale), possibly a cupbearer

she gives Mat a “hard rap” on the head to chastise him over being “superstitious”. I guess we can also add her to the list of women who are violent to their ‘romantic’ partners. Not a surprise from her, of course. We know that she’s ordered her slaves beaten before.

Something from Winter’s Heart (or previous) is undermined (I’m kinda using this section to rant about the things that are pissing me off; so skip if it doesn’t appeal):

last book, Noal was very anti-slavery and said it was a fate worse than death. This book, he tells Egeanin that he’s sure her slave misses her too (and Mat thinks he sounds sincere), and that he’s seen worse in his life than damane and da’covale.

most of the Windfinders that Mat helped free were killed or recaptured

previously anti-slavery & anti-Seanchan Setalle Anan is buddying up with a slaver and helping her throw pottery at Mat and being AMUSED at Mat getting a temper tantrum thrown at him by a slaver who has invaded her home and whose forces she is currently attempting to escape. She’s acting like she needs to protect Tuon from Mat, because she apparently has forgotten everything that happened LAST WEEK. Why is Anan coddling Tuon like she’s another one of Tuon’s slaves?

instead of having sympathy for the Aes Sedai, like he did last book (which was a week ago!), Mat is now forcing them to share a wagon with the sul’dam to “keep them out of his hair”. He is forcing women who were SLAVES to share a wagon with former SLAVE KEEPERS.  Teslyn is being forced to share a wagon with the woman who ordered her punishments & trainings redoubled in an attempt to crush her spirit! WTF! (That’s Bethamin btw)

The vast majority of the progress that Egeanin had made seems to have vanished, unfortunately. Tuon’s very existence made her remember that she’s Seanchan to the bones, I suppose. Shame. Does she find her backbone again later on? I hope so. She was already kinda on thin ice for me in Winter’s Heart, tbh, finding out that she gave up something dangerous to Rand to the Seanchan (and someone that the readers know is a Darkfriend) in order to save her own skin. Egeanin may vaguely believe the damane are people now but the only person she really cares about at this point is Egeanin, it feels like.

The Mat-Tylin ‘romance’ gets buffed up in retrospect after we find out that she’s dead. It’s honestly (and unfortunately) easy to see why someone reading Mat’s storyline with a casual eye (especially a privileged man who isn’t as aware of how rape trauma can present) would come out of CoT thinking “oh yeah, Mat genuinely liked Tylin and clearly everything in ACoS & WH was just a sexy game” because that is how the narrative is currently treating that storyline. There’s a single line that alludes to the true horror that we saw in their relationship (Mat thinking about how he’d wanted to get away from her) but the rest is forcing us to watch Mat mourn her and feel guilty about ‘getting’ her killed and Tuon praising Mat for his loyalty to his rapist (while also trying to encourage him to move on and transfer his loyalty to her).

Mat briefly considers allowing the sul’dam to abuse the Aes Sedai because he’s finding them annoying right now.

The three sul’dam themselves also seem profoundly worse as characters this book than in Winter’s Heart -- very certain of their superiority to the Aes Sedai who are marath’damane and not a hint of the concern and worry and doubt that we saw last book about the fact that they are all capable of being held by the a’dam themselves. Maybe that’s because this is all from Mat’s PoV but, again, that’s on Jordan for deciding to craft his narrative in a way that prioritizes the slavers over everyone else. Last book, whenever we went into the Seanchan PoV, it highlighted the dysfunction in the empire, but this book... we get a whole fawning chapter about how Tuon's horrible personality and pro-slavery attitude is forgivable because she was a tragic little girl once upon a time. Again, I ask, what on earth happened to Jordan in between writing Winter’s Heart and Crossroads of Twilight that made him abandon was seemed a very clear and obvious plot-thread set-up about questioning the empire and instead meander onto... this mess of a plotline?

Mat also seems less insightful in this book so far? In Winter’s Heart, he figured out on his own that the Return was a settler invasion that would be much more difficult to dislodge than a normal invasion, but here he has to have Egeanin explain it to him all over again like he’s a child. Why not just have Mat think about it in his internal narration? Honestly, I kinda feel like most of the things people hate about Sanderson’s Mat are already beginning to be on display with Jordan’s CoT Mat. Qualities it feels like Mat somehow lost between WH & CoT: insightfulness, empathy, independence. And he’s also definitely continuing to get more sexist as well. It’s been a week.

People that Mat thinks about:

Rand x3

Perrin x1

Unnecessary scenes:

young Sitters ‘mystery’: 1 (5 pages)

too many random PoVs: 1 (5 pages), 1 (6 pages), 1 (13 pages)

Mat’s side quest (tuon): 4 (91 pages)

Perrin’s side quest (shaido): 5 (123 pages)

[sweet-milky-tea705]

Abandoned Studies

Felix Escellun x GN reader, fluff, slight spice, word count: 1400

(I apologize for any bad writing or grammar, It’s my first fic lol)

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I stare blankly at the mountain of books, loose pages, and scrolls piled on the table before me. The room I was given in the tower was nice, the bed was soft and comfortable, light filtered through the dark curtains of the open window while a gentle breeze blew through them, plus, the ambiance of the room was warm and cozy despite me only being here a few days. I took a deep breath of the fresh, yet somehow also dusty, air and picked a book from the pile. The title reads, “The Comprehensive Study on the Art of Magic Cultivation”, I frown at how long and serious the title is. I take it with me and drop down onto the bed.

“At least it's not history,” I sigh, “This feels like school all over again.” My hands reluctantly open the book, I’m somehow surprised at how well the pages are preserved, the burgundy leather cover looked worn and it was clear it was more than just old, the thing seemed ancient. I turn a few pages and start reading, It’s more interesting than I had thought. I was never a huge fan of being forced to read things but if this book was on Earth, The author would’ve been a complete nutjob. I’m definitely not used to all this magic stuff here, not to say I’m not enjoying the hell out of it.

Next thing I know, hours have passed and I’m more than a quarter through the book, which is surprising given the fact that it’s about as thick as a brick. It was starting to make sense to me, but that’s definitely more in theory than practice since I technically haven’t tried anything yet. Maybe when I do I’ll at the very least understand it more. Just as I look back down at the book, I hear a knock at the door to the room, at first, a tentative tap, then a slightly more firm knock.

“Come in,” I say, laying the book and my glasses next to me on the bed. The door creaks open and I find Felix standing in the doorway eyeing the massive pile on the table. “Well...uh, that sure is a lot. Eager to study, hmm?” he says with a small, almost awkward smile. I laugh at the thought of being eager to work on anything, I don’t necessarily fit that narrative. “Not particularly, I just grabbed as much as I could carry, figured I could sort through them later.” He chuckles and takes a few steps into the room, looking at the little changes I’ve made during my stay here.

When the silence stretches a little too long I decide to speak up. “You know, I’ve really enjoyed your company lately, I’m lucky to have such a talented young mage here to help me with all this magic stuff, among other things of course.” I say the last few words with a playful tone, he flushes slightly at it before quickly regaining his usual composure.

“Of course, I have also enjoyed your presence, I can only stand Sage’s banter for so long. You have certainly been a nice change of pace.” I stand up from my place on the mattress and make my way towards him. He was a little too far away for my comfort. “Have I now? I think I understand Sage just a little bit, you are fun to tease.” Slightly flustered, his eyes widen a little bit and he coughs, moving his gaze back towards the books and changing the subject. “Good to know I suppose. How has the research been going?”

“Pretty well, it’s a lot more interesting than I was expecting. I’ve never really been a big reader. Why don't you come look?” I gesture towards the book I left open on the bed and my round glasses tossed next to it. He agrees to look at it and we both plop onto the small bed. I pick up the book and begin reading aloud to him. “It seems nice, you’ve gotten rather far into it for it being only a few hours,” he says finally, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to read aloud that much since I’m not the best speaker, but I guess he wanted to hear a good bit of it. Regardless, I smile at the praise, I’m glad I seem to be doing well, I didn’t usually hear that often.

I notice the room has gotten considerably darker, It’s getting late, isn’t it? I look at Felix expecting some sort of remark on the matter, but his attention seems to be elsewhere. Golden light shines in through the window and a small gust of wind gently blows through his hair. I never realized how long his eyelashes were, or how rosy his cheeks are. Wait. I look back up at his eyes and realize I had been staring. “O-Oh. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare, you just look amazing right now.” Oh my god, did I actually just say that?

I look down at his lips, parted in response he can’t seem to get out. I chuckle and cup his cheek. His eyes widen and his blush deepens even more at the touch, “You know, this book has been getting a little boring, don’t you think?” I ask, tossing the book aside once more with a smirk. When I turn back to face him for an answer, I’m pulled forward to find my lips pressed against his. Surprised at his sudden boldness, I gasp, yet I melt into him quickly regardless, the kiss deepening slightly and our lips matching pace with one another. I part away for a moment and he whimpers slightly, arm draping over my shoulder. I kiss him again harder this time. Then again.

I go further, moving onto his lap and slipping my tongue into his mouth. At this, he inhales sharply and pushes forward, hands grasping at the buttons of my shirt while mine run through his hair. Soon, my shirt is slipping down my shoulder and I tug at his hair gently. I didn’t know his lips were this soft, we move together like water against each other, only small gasps of air and the sound of our own heartbeats cutting the silence of the room as the sun continues to go down.

Our lips part after what could’ve been ages or only a few moments and I meet his gaze breathlessly, our clothes and hair awry. To my surprise, the sun had almost completely gone down and the room had gone almost dark. Felix was only barely visible, but still, the sight of him was perfect. “You are so amazing, Felix...” I whisper before peppering kisses on his face, granted, not very well since we were smiling too much. He pulls me back down for one more kiss and looks back up at me, satisfied at the happy little mess we had made of each other. He sends a small flame at a nearby candle to light up the room a bit. I look down at the floor and chuckle at the poor book that had fallen off during our...research.

I pick up my glasses and say with the most shit-eating grin I can muster, meeting his gray eyes, “Maybe we should study more often like this, don’t you think?”

“I’ll look into it,” he laughs playfully, running a hand through his hair, “Though I severely doubt much work will get done.” How can he be this effortlessly beautiful? I smooth down my own hair and pull my shirt back over my shoulder. Suddenly, with a growl of my stomach, I realize neither of us has eaten yet. “So... dinner?” I look at the door and then back to him expectantly.

He looks surprised for a moment, as if he hadn’t even noticed how hungry he was. “Yes,” he says, smiling fondly, “Let’s go eat something.” He opens the door and the candle goes out, leaving the room empty and dark aside from the gentle moonlight. The cool air ruffles the curtains a bit and the crickets chirp outside. What a lovely way to spend the evening, I think to myself and walk out the door.

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Choose Me Instead II Draco Malfoy x Reader II Chapter 19 of 27: Cursed

Summary: Pretending to be in a relationship with Draco Malfoy to get back at your ex might have not been the smartest idea you ever had. Especially during your last year of Hogwarts where you should be focusing on exams and your future plans. However, you were just pretending. There was no way in hell you could actually catch feelings for someone like Malfoy. … Right?

CHOOSE ME INSTEAD MASTERLIST CHOOSE ME INSTEAD PLAYLIST

A/N: Better late than never lol! Here it is! Thank you for being patient though! ilysm <3 This was a difficult one, I hope you like it! Btw, I recently found out that Dracos mum is called “Narcissa” and not “Narzissa” in the english version. She’s called “Narzissa” in the German Books. However, I’ll keep calling her Narzissa in this story (because I’m lazy and don’t want to change it). Enjoy!

Words: 3.4k Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader, post war Warnings: tw eating disorder (mentions of it) --> please be aware that the way eating disorders are approached by the purebloods in this story is not something i (the author) approves of. I just thought it’d be a more realistic way for them to act like this.

It felt wrong.

Draco only used the Room of Requirements to be with you. He never went here on his own. Not that he would ever admit it – but the room scared him. The last time he’d been here alone was at the beginning of this school year. He found out then that it didn’t change for him anymore. All he saw when he walked in were the dirty, cracked windows and the flies and spiders that died in front of them. Old furniture, forgotten books and dirt was scattered around, piling up and towering over him.

As he stood there, his gaze was drawn to the end of the room. Hiding behind the corners, buried under black linen, there it was. The vanishing cabinet. He felt its presence. Looming, waiting, calling for him. Alright, to be fair, the last part was probably only in his imagination. It didn’t change his feelings towards this particular room of Hogwarts though.

It was different when you were with him. It changed for you and turned the monster that it was for Draco into a purring housecat. With you, it felt like a vacation. As if he had travelled to a small cottage, far away from roaring cities or ancient castles.

However tonight, you were not here. Astoria Greengrass had taken your place. She sat on a couch across from Draco, back straight, hands neatly folded in her lap. Her black hair was tied up in a bun and not a single strand of hair was out of place. The spitting image of her mother, Draco thought. He had always wondered about how different the Greengrass sisters looked. Astoria inherited the sharp features, thin lips, and slim figure of her mother. Daphne resembled their father a lot more with her round face, long blonde hair, and the doe-like eyes. The both of them were like night and day. Yin and Yang.

Draco looked around the room which had turned into a smaller version of the Slytherin common room. All the important details where there – from the green colors to the Slytherin emblems on the pillows and carpet. Only the windows were out of place. They didn’t offer him a view inside of the lake but were the same cracked ones, he had seen one too many times in his life. It reminded him that he wasn’t here with you.

It felt wrong.

 ***

Draco leaned back against the chair. He crossed his leg and his fingertips tapped a non-recognizable rhythm on his right upper thigh. Astoria didn’t look up at him when she spoke. He could tell that the words had been carefully chosen in advance. Remembered and recited in front of a mirror. Yet she couldn’t meet his eyes. Draco noticed the way she plucked at the skin on her thumb.

When you’d ask him tomorrow for how long the conversation went on, he wouldn’t have an answer. Time seemed to stand still the moment Astoria opened her mouth for the first time.

“Say something,” she whispered when she finished, and the silence became unbearable.

Draco noticed that there wasn’t a fireplace. Another thing that the Room of Requirement had gotten wrong.

“Say something,” Astoria repeated herself, her voice shaking a little more this time.

Draco stopped the tapping. “Is that why?”, he finally asked.

She hesitated and then nodded. Draco sighed and looked out of the window.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a while.

Astoria scoffed. “Me too.”

“I am,” he looked back at her.

For the first time since he had entered the room, Astoria lifted her head. When her eyes met his, he saw the anger in them. “I’m dying and all you have to say is ‘Sorry’?”, she spat out.

“You don’t know that,” Draco said matter-of-factly.

Astoria raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“That you’re dying.”

She looked at him as if he was a little slow in his head. “I … I just told you.”

“You told me about the family curse,” Draco corrected her. “No one can say if it will happen to you.”

She let out a huff, stunned by his reaction. Had he not listened to a word she said? “I told you about the clairvoyant at Knockturn Alley!”

“Seers say a lot of shit.” He shrugged and added: “Especially when you pay them.”

Astoria lost her posture – with wide eyes and a shake of her head, she let herself slump back against the pillows. “I can’t believe you’re not taking me seriously.”

Draco sighed and began tapping on his thigh again. The same rhythm from before. “I am, Astoria. I believe you.”

But I don’t want to, he added in his mind. He had heard rumors of the Greengrass curse before – only once, when he was maybe eight or nine years old and while he pretended to be asleep on an armchair, he listened to his mother and her friend.

“The poor woman,” Narzissa had said. “And those girls …”

“We don’t know if it will happen to them,” her friend replied softly.

“Why risk it though?”, he remembered his mother ask. “And decide to give birth to not only one but two girls?”

“Well, if one dies, she will still have the other.”

Looking back, the joke was tasteless and not the least bit funny. He didn’t remember how his mother responded to it. Back then, Draco didn’t understand what the women were talking about. So he had shoved the memory back and forgot – until tonight.

When Astoria came up to him at the Winter Dance, she was more … vague. Talking about how something had changed in her life, how decisions were made for her and that she was left with no option but to finally confine in him. Merlin, Draco had thought she was pregnant. This was worse – for obvious reasons.

“If you believe me, why are you like this?”, her voice ripped him from his thoughts. Draco hadn’t notice that he was staring out of the window again.

He cleared his throat and focused back on the Slytherin girl. “I believe you’re overexaggerating.” It was the truth. Or better – it was a truth. The one he was able to share with her.

“I’m dying.”

“You’re not!”, he replied with a sharp voice.

Astoria flinched.

Draco sighed and leaned forward. “Look,” he continued, much softer now. “I’m sorry. You’re obviously very scared of this – and honestly, who wouldn’t be after receiving such news.” He paused. “But didn’t you just say you never experienced any symptoms?”

She looked to the ground. “Yes.”

“See?”, a smile played around the corners of his lips. “Stop beating yourself up about it.”

Astorias gaze stuck to the ground. His words didn’t ease her pain, he saw that. “I … Look at me, Draco,” she then mumbled.

Draco tilted his head. “I am.”

“No, truly look at me!” She lifted her head. “What do you see?”

He stared at her for a while. What do you want me to say? He refrained himself from asking that. Instead, for the first time in years, he truly looked at her. Her school uniform was in perfect condition, no spot or loose thread in sight. The diamond earrings sparkled in the soft light and around her neck hung a delicate golden necklace. Her outer appearance was perfect. As always. The only thing that was different were her eyes. He frowned when he saw it. The fire in them. Gone. The arrogant spark, challenging every Ravenclaw and Gryffindor that didn’t get out of her way fast enough. He wondered when it had left her.

“I resemble a corpse! I swear, my grandmother had a better complexion than me on the day she died!”, Astoria continued after another minute of silence.

Oh. Draco blinked. She meant that? He wouldn’t have noticed that in a hundred years.

“And I’m so thin and –”

“Because you’re starving yourself,” Draco interrupted her and immediately scolded himself for it.

Astoria, who was in the middle of shifting to a different position, stopped, and stared at him. “What?”

Draco pondered for a moment about his next words. Astoria and her fucked up relationship towards food wasn’t a secret. Well, not since fourth grade when rumors started spreading about the true reasons of why she was always so eager to get to the nearest bathroom after meals. And then her bones began to stick out underneath her school uniform. Everyone noticed it. Everyone looked the other way.  Problems like hers … they weren’t uncommon among their circles. Yet, they were problems to keep to behind closed doors. They were private. Nothing to talk about.

“Everyone needs an outlet for the stress that comes with living like we do,” his father had once said. “Women are just worse in finding the right one.”

Oh, how he hated his father.

Draco smiled sadly at Astoria. “Everybody knows, Astoria.”

“Knows what?”, she asked sharply.

“That you have issues with food.”

Astoria blinked. “I … you’re such an asshole,” she then exclaimed. “You’re an asshole, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco sighed and shifted positions. “Anyways,” he tried to change the subject. “You’re scared, I get it. But so far, you don’t have any symptoms. In fact, you started feeling ill once your mother went with you to see the seer, right? It frightened you and now you can’t stop focusing on that fear.”

Astoria scoffed. “Thanks, Mr. Therapist. You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m just guessing. It doesn’t make sense to care so much about something that might not even happen to you.”

“Doesn’t make sense to you, you mean”, Astoria corrected him.

Draco frowned.

“Because your problems are much more important.”

“My problems are real.”

That was probably the wrong thing to say in this situation. Even Draco realized that. The words had just slipped out. He hated to admit it but the egocentric, narcissistic part of himself believed them.

Astoria stood up abruptly. She smoothed over the fabric of her skirt and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of her bun behind her ear. She then looked at him, no expression on her face. When she spoke, her voice was calm and quiet: “Fuck you.”

With long steps Astoria made her way towards the door.

“Shit,” Draco mumbled under his breath and got up as well. “Astoria!”

She didn’t turn around.

“Astoria, wait! Please!”

The last word made her stop, hand already reaching for the doorknob. As she turned around, there was a bitter smile playing around her dark red lips. “Why?”, she asked him. “I trusted you with something and all you’re giving me is shit.”

Draco looked down to the ground and then back up. “I don’t know how to respond to this.”

“With empathy, Draco,” she folded her arms in front of her chest. “You might want to look that word up.”

Draco let out another deep sigh. A part of him secretly wished she would ignore him and just leave. It would be easier for him. Knowing this wasn’t an option for her, he finally walked towards Astoria. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. His words had failed him, they had made everything worse for her and he hoped from the bottom of his heart that this would ease her pain just a little. Astorias body went stiff at first – only after a few seconds did she let her body relax. She leaned into his embrace as if someone took a weight off her shoulders.

“You know I’m here for you,” Draco whispered. “And I will be there in case …”

“In case, I’m dying after all.”

When Draco breathed in, he could smell her lavender shampoo. “Yes.”

Suddenly, her petite body began to tremble. At first Draco mistook it for giggling, then he heard the soft whimpers against his shoulder.

“It’ll be fine. I promise.” He hugged her tighter.

“You can’t promise me that,” she sniffed.

Draco let go of her and took a step back. He put a hand to her cheek, making her look at him. “The curse hasn’t been around for decades. It might skip your generation again.”

Her eyes were red and her cheeks puffy, silent tears running down them. “I’m so scared.”

“I know.”

“Please marry me.”

Draco closed his eyes at her plea. His head suddenly hurt and he wished you were here. You’d know how to handle situations like this.

“Astoria …”

“I know you don’t love me,” she interrupted him, her voice still trembling. “You couldn’t.”

He opened his eyes, looking at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You love her.”

Her. You. Draco blinked. “What? No, I –”

“I realized it on New Years Eve.” She wiped the tears from her cheek, still holding on to him with her other hand. Astoria cleared her throat. “I didn’t believe it in the beginning but … it’s so obvious. You love her so much, how could I ever expect you to look at me the same way you look at her?”

Draco shook her head. “Astoria –”

“But you know the relationship has no future. Neither of your families would ever agree to it. You know it. You know it in your heart.”

The piercing pain in his forehead grew stronger. When he’d remember this moment, Draco wouldn’t be able to describe his feelings. Her words barely managed to get through to him. You love her, he heard her say over and over again. You love her.

No. He didn’t love you.

He couldn’t.

“Marry me,” Astoria repeated herself and took a step closer again. She had to lift her head to look into his eyes. “My family will secure the future of the Malfoys.”

“I …”

You love her. You love her. You love her.

“What do you get out of it?”, he finally managed to get out and tried to focus back on her, feeling weirdly out of breath.

Another tear rolled down her cheek. No sobs this time. “Once people will be able to see the sickness …”, she hesitated. “I won’t be looked at as the second daughter who’s living in her sister’s shadows.”

You love her.

Draco furrowed his brows at her words, utterly irritated by them. “Nobody thinks that, Astoria.”

She laughed. “Yes, they do! Daphne has always been prettier, smarter, more desired. I can’t compete with her. I am the leftover Greengrass that no one wants and that’s now dying from a family curse. Because of fucking course it would hit me and not my picture perfect sister!”

Draco stared at Astoria.

“But with you,” she continued. “With you people would see that I’m more than that. That I’m worthy of attention and of love despite … being me.”

This is wrong on so many levels, he could hear your voice in his head, clear as day.

“Have you met with the therapist yet?”, Draco suddenly asked out of the blue.

“What?” The Slytherin was thrown off by his question. “Yes.”

“Did you talk to her about this?”

Hearing this made her drop his hands, taking a few steps back. She buried her face in her hands, taking a deep breath. “Oh, fuck you, Draco!”, Astoria muttered. “Stop trying to analyze me!”

“I’m not!”, he assured her. “But … Astoria, this is so fucked up what you just said to me.”

She looked back up at him. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

“Excuse me?”

She chuckled. “You spent a few months with a Gryffindor and now you act like our values mean nothing to you when you are the one who used to scream ‘mudblood’ the loudest.”

Draco swallowed.

“Merlin, what is wrong with me,” Astoria sighed. “After everything I just confessed, you don’t find it in you to show me a little mercy and change your mind?” She smiled at him sadly. “Do you want to marry me?”

“No.”

You love her.

 ***

The talk with Astoria left him feeling uneasy.

It handed after she asked Draco to marry her a second time and he declined. She nodded when she heard his answer, sniffled, wiped the remaining tears away and left. Not without saying “You’ll change your mind sooner or later”. When she was gone, she didn’t take the anxiety with her. Draco had to deal with that on his own. Now, as he walked through the halls of the old castle, his steps were stiff, and he had deep lines between his eyebrows.

“Calm down, she has no symptoms,” he mumbled to himself as he turned another corner.

Yet.

What if he would be wrong after all? What if the curse wouldn’t skip another generation of Greengrass women and fall upon her? What if she would die and he made her last remaining years even more miserable in her eyes because he turned down the proposal?

What if, what if, what if.

He wanted to talk to you about all of it. You’d tell him he didn’t have to feel bad. He didn’t owe Astoria. He shouldn’t be put in this position in the first place. You would find the right words. To be honest, Draco knew all of this himself. He just wanted to hear you say it out loud. Hear the words from another person to ensure that he was right. That he wasn’t crazy or selfish for not sacrificing his life, his future, for a dying girl.

“She’s not dying,” he reminded himself. A Hufflepuff boy passed him and frowned.

“My family will secure the future of the Malfoys.” It was the argument his mother had used against him countless times. He was certain that he’d hear it a lot more often soon. He was aware of how strong the argument truly was. His family could return to their former glory with all the luxury that came along with it. Fancy parties, status, high-paying careers – something he had been promised his whole life and that was stripped away the moment he was forced to become a Death Eater. The promise of a good life. An easy life.

Maybe life shouldn’t be easy for them. At least not so fast. Maybe his father shouldn’t come home from Azkaban one day to live like nothing ever happened. No, Lucius Malfoy deserved to suffer longer than his time in prison. And ultimately, so did his mother and Draco.

Draco gritted his teeth at his thoughts. He couldn’t marry Astoria. Not for that reason. Not to make the life of his family easier. His parents needed to work and plea for their redemption. Just like he did.

“Watch it, Malfoy!”, Seamus Finnigan hissed when he bumped into him. He came out of the library, a stack of books in his arms.

Draco didn’t look at him. Until now, he hadn’t even noticed that he was walking towards the library. It made sense though. The bag that hung from his shoulder seemed to become heavier with every step. The black notebook. He needed to write.

 ***

You sat alone on a table, hunched over a book. More of them piled up next to you, accompanied by an overused quill and bottle of ink.

Exams, Draco remembered. How easy it was to forget those mundane things in the midst of all the sadness. Exams, followed by entrance tests to become an Auror. Draco smiled at the thought of you fighting evil. He was certain that you’d excel at it.

He stopped in the middle of the corridor, not caring about the annoyed huffs and curses from students who almost ran into him. He watched you. The way you sometimes licked the tip of your finger before turning a page. How you sighed and frowned when you didn’t understand a passage.

You love her. The words shot through his mind.

It was different to the scenes he had read in books when he finally saw it. When he blinked and it was suddenly so clear to him. His heart didn’t stop, his knees didn’t become weak, he didn’t hear violins around him. No, a ray of sunlight that fell through the window and hit your face, caused you to lift your head. In that moment, your eyes found his. A smile played around your lips as you waved at him and pointed at the seat next to you. And it was so clear to him, that he wanted this all along: to be with you. To come home to you.

You love her, Astoria had said. 

And he knew she was right.

***

A/N: How did you like it?? I’m so excited to hear from you!! <33

CHAPTER 20

HP Masterlist General Masterlist

Tag List:  @writerdee1701, @youareinllve, @sjmahoney, @detroitobsessed, @takura-rin, @jadam268, @wynterwind,  @renaissance-confiance, @doitforthevine67, @ilovemollyweasley, @flowerpowerpixie, @gold-flowing, @starkssnarks, @bookcornerkins, @harpersmariano, @markedsweetly, @iraniq, @pointlesscoconut, @hvrcruxes, @pillowjj, @idkatee,    @magicwithaknife, @graystherapy, @scoote-rankle, @nxstalgicnxbxdy, @sunsetsofanemoia,  @tommy-holland, @lordfxxker, @streetfighterrichie, @awaken-the-sirens, @destiels-assbutt13, @pockitparks, @just-addicted-to-bangtan, @cuddlykoala101, @zpandaqueen ,  @natsiboo, @jjjmaybank, @justmesadgirl, @books-and-tings, @slytherinprincedracom , @katiaw2, @saintkore, @nctnight, @lifestragedy, @obxmxybxnk, @spideydobik , @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @aspiring-ginger, @dracomalfoyswifey, @jpow345, @realistic-breadstick,  @abbs-is-tired, @alwaysbeanunknownfan, @niallsarmveinstho, @is-this-a-febreze-commercial, @acciowilltolive, , @sexytholland, @faangirl101, @donttellany1iusetumbler, @mendesmuffinsss, @lilxnvm, @kill-the-teen-memories, @darkusangelus, @itsbebeyyy, @hesaidimcrazy, @jenniweaslee, @hpxpjo, @brisbubble, @xomaymay, @shitnstuffillregret, @serialkillme, @angel-tears15, @panicattheeverywherekid, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything,  @nobleking, @tashii-blr, @ddaeing, @randogirlo-fando-main, @sadgirlnumber92899, @captivateing, @bitchyegirl, @smiithys, @ninipoo1, @intheawks,  @nothanksnyla, @calpal-4ever, @dracosathenaeum, @belsandthings, , @kiwi-sloan, @xdmx, @lexi-ravenclawdracomalfoy, @kvyenxay, @live-awkward, @babebenhardy, @bitchysweets-blog, @cravingmusic, @frau-moon, @ohissandhalasta,  @broken-but-beautiful-cassie, @lil-black-heart,  @vminenthusiastt, @dracos-sluts, @mrmoonyy, @saucysuazo, @fuzzzwald, @matsuno-nadeshiko, @amber-arsenault ,  @loveableasshole,  @spideycures, @echpr, @shiningstar-byulxx,  @twinklebug2282, @bloodiedroses, @klthmef, @ostorian ,  @bi-chai-tea, @maddieisnotok, @amandaluvssupernatural, @makeoutwithstiles,    @i-am-addicted-to-tea, @tenclouds, @lovingdracomalfoy, @lannaax, @dr-bitch-bby,  @fallinallinmendes, @suckerforparker, @runninglownad, @piercinghorizons, @dosicas, @yanaaaaaaa,  @akzer300500 @hoseokslily, @dracofeltonmalfoy, @emilianamason, @tothemoonwithclifford, @gcldreinhart ,  @angelofthorr, @k-k0129, @musicalmuffindog1410, @andydre4m, @mxl-foyrecs, @seeinorange, @vlgsqd , @justmimithings, @allthevoicesinmyhead, @pipppaaaaalouisee, @yessirrz, @2think2twice2 @spencerreidisbootiful, @find-a-little-faith, @thatguppienamedbae, @emmamarie7708, @dontpanicitsdan @jordaangx, @ceeellewrites, @drxcomvlfx, @7minutes-tomidnight, @coldheartedslytherin, @wingardiumdepressionosa, @perfect-storm95, @danisaur1324, @unlikely-y-bliss, @trentdijklfc66, @saptediavoli, @treestarrrrrrrr, @aangsupremacy @yaanasluv, @megamihatake, @lavenderblossom12, @bimbelle, @beiahadid, @weasleytwinswheezes, @bogikrmn, @gublerslut, @prongsandprancer, @superkawaiicandyfloss , @instantllamaruins​

If you want to be added to my tag list, let me know! <3

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY SUPPOSITION SUNDAY: The Warden

SPOILER WARNING!  It’s still a thing, and, if you haven’t yet, you still need to watch Megamind.  (If you have seen it already, however, you need to see it again.  Because it’s awesome.)

Yes, yes, the post is three days late this time.  Real life has to take priority and such. So sue me.  (Don’t really do that.  LOL!)

For that same reason—or more accurately because this week has exhausted me—I will attempt to make this post shorter than usual.  We’ll see how that goes.  My money is on “not well.”  LOL.

Anyway, today we’re going to look at a subject that often divides the Megamind fandom: the Warden and his relationship with Megamind. There are several fan theories—I mean, suppositions—surrounding this, but I’m going to be focusing on a few of the main ones.

The first of these is that the Warden was actually a father figure to Megamind when he was young, allowing him to be raised in jail not out of cruelty or disinterest, but because it was the only way to keep him safe from shadowy government agencies that otherwise would have performed all sorts of experiments on the blue alien.  This both accounts for why a child would be allowed to grow up in what is clearly a high-security prison for dangerous adult criminals—something that, admittedly, needs some sort of explanation—and fits with widely accepted sci-fi and comic book tropes. (From Area 51 to mysterious “Men in Black” type organizations, fiction is full of government agencies created to study extraterrestrial life and technology.)  Some even go so far as to suggest that the Warden may have tried to adopt Megamind officially, but was blocked from doing so by these same entities. On top of this, such an idea also offers room to re-imagine the Warden as a much more interesting, complex, and sympathetic character.  Indeed, there has been some excellent fan fiction written about this pseudo-parental relationship.

Art: Fathers And Sons Day by tabbydragon

There is some evidence to support this.  The first is that, although the Warden behaves harshly toward Megamind in the “jail-break” scene near the beginning of the film, Megamind himself seems to be trying to engage in a playful exchange: pranking the older man, wishing him a good morning, and even teasing him.  While some say that this is simply Megamind’s personality as well as his determination to always appear indominable, others suggest that, perhaps, the blue man is trying to recapture a lost amiability between himself and the prison Warden.  It is possible that, when he was younger and less villainous, Megamind might have exchanged friendly jokes and greetings with the man in charge of the jail he called home.  It has even been suggested that the Warden is so hard on the blue man at the beginning of the film not because he hates Megamind, but because Megamind’s life choices have hurt and alienated his father figure. This idea finds some support in the facts that, when Megamind leaves jail to confront Titan, the Warden wished him good luck, and at the end of the movie, that same man seems genuinely happy as he watches the television broadcast of his one-time prisoner being named Defender of Metro City.  Finally, there is some evidence from the comics which, although not truly considered canon, as I’ve mentioned before, do offer some material for fan theories.  In the “episode” entitled Bad Minion! Bad! Megamind runs into the Warden in a bar, and the latter offers the former advice.  There is certainly a somewhat fatherly feel to the scene.

The second theory is exactly the opposite: that the Warden either did not care for or outright disliked the former supervillain.  Unfortunately, as fun as the Warden/Father Figure concept is, this second, darker idea has far stronger evidence to support it in the film itself.  (Try not to hate me, everyone.)  These clues range from the obvious to the subtle, but there are quite a few of them to be found.

During the first scene in which we see Warden interact with Megamind, he doesn’t behave like an angry, disappointed father—at least not a good one.  He isn’t merely surly toward Megamind; he is absolutely nasty. The Warden verbally condemns the alien, telling him that he’ll “always be a villain,” and essentially steals what he believes is a gift for the blue man, even taunting him by saying: “I think I’ll keep it!”  This hardly seems like the actions of someone who once felt any sort of affection for the extraterrestrial.  That same portion of the movie holds another clue as well: the screens monitoring Megamind’s brain activity.  Indeed, in original concept art for the film, the system appears both more invasive and more nightmarish.  It seems that, far from protecting Megamind, the Warden may have actually allowed him to be experimented upon.

Next, there is the newspaper article at the beginning of the title sequence, which bears the headline “Hometown Boy Makes Bad.” It’s hard to see what the paper says, of course, even if you bother to really notice it, but luckily for us Liz (Demishock) wrote a wonderfully thorough blog post which, among other things, provides a transcript of the “news story.”  In it, the Warden is quoted as referring to young Megamind as a born villain as well as abnormal.  

You don't know this kid. I've watched the little criminal since he was in diapers. This kid is just a bad seed. I've got experienced, hardened criminals in here who are afraid of him - I mean, have you seen the size of his head?…  It's not like he's a normal kid… I mean, have you gotten a good look at his gigantic blue head? I don't know where you come from, but where I come it's just not right.

Granted, there seems to be some truth to what the Warden is saying, as the article also mentions that Megamind, who can hardly have been more than seven years old at the time, has basically been put into solitary confinement for the safety of other prisoners following an unnamed incident, adding that the other inmates “refused to point fingers for fear of retaliation.”  (This fits with the fan theory that young Megamind would have had to both fight and develop a fearsome reputation in order to protect himself. You can read more about that in the post How Strong is Megamind?) However, the Warden seems to dwell a lot on the fact that Megamind looks alien, and he displays an obvious dislike for the young boy.

Finally, there is evidence hidden in the school scene, although it’s easy to miss. In an amazing two-part video series, Megamind: A City of Deception. YouTuber The Theorizer illustrates several hidden clues about Megamind’s early life and how it it led him to embrace villainy.  (I will very likely write another post going into more detail about that at a later date.)  One thing that The Theorizer discovered is a seemingly innocuous detail in the background during the popcorn scene.  Take a moment to examine the images below.  Look closely at the blackboard and you’ll see a paper cut out of a school bus.  Look even more closely at that and you’ll find something odd: the bus is full of crayon-drawn children except for one figure: an adult male, riding in the back of the bus, who looks suspiciously like the Warden as he appears at the beginning of the film. 

In a movie where so much attention is given to small things—I mean, seriously, the animation team actually went through the trouble to write a news story for a paper that was on the screen less than ten seconds—this cannot possibly be a coincidence.  (You can learn more about the artists’ amazing dedication to detail in my post What’s Hidden in the Animation?)  Although it is vaguely possible that Megamind, painfully aware of how much his appearance was despised, chose to draw the Warden’s face instead of his own, most fans believe there is a darker reason for this oddity.  

Think about it: the Li’l Gifted School for Li’l Gifted Kids is built close by a jail with a strangely similar name: Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted.   It’s clearly a small academy, yet the only two known aliens in the city—who, by the way, have extremely different social backgrounds—both just happen to attend there.  And now the prison warden appears to be somehow involved with the elementary school?  It’s bizarre.  Add to this the fact that the young alien adopted by a privileged family—a boy who possessed super-strength and laser vision—seemed inclined to be a bully, (as is made obvious by the kickball scene,) and a disturbing fan theory emerges.  Adults realized that Wayne Smith, the child who would eventually become Metro Man, might prove dangerous if left unchecked, and came up with a plan to turn him into a hero instead.  Wayne was showered with praise, conditioning him to seek public approval, but a superhero needs a nemesis.  The strange-looking, unwanted blue boy who’d already been labeled a criminal would have seemed like the obvious choice.  If this is true, then Megamind was purposefully, albeit covertly, groomed to become a supervillain from a young age, and the Warden played a major role in doing that.

So there you have it.  Two competing fan theories concerning the Warden’s connection with Megamind.  Both have some evidence supporting them, and there are fans who are firmly dedicated to one or the other.  Which is true?  Did the Warden care for Megamind like a son but distance himself when the boy turned to villainy?  Or did he judge and despise Megamind but come around to liking him when he finally realized what sort of person the blue man was deep down?  The fact is that those questions can be argued for hours on end.  No matter which of these suppositions you prefer, however, the mere fact that even a minor supporting character is complex enough to offer room for this debate speaks to the impressive amount of work and devotion that went into creating this amazing animated film.

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

Mr. Sandman pt. 2 (Miss Venable x reader)

After one month I finally finished the second pt, whooho :) Well i guess its a bit different, than the first chapter, but i hope yall like it- I can imagine making a third pt of this, but it would be much more fucked up and weird, than this chapter..lol I wanted to say thank you for your nice comments under the first chapter, they made me really happy :3

summary: three weeks have passed and you are trying to understand everything

warnings: depression (idk if a robot can have depression-), uhm bruises,..

And if ur name is Laura, don't hate me! yikes hahah

here is the first pt. :

https://littlejeaniehugsbumblebees.tumblr.com/post/639876084639334400/mr-sandman-ms-venable-x-reader

hello google translate:3

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream Make her the cutest that I've ever seen Give her two lips like roses and clover And tell her that her lonely nights are over

It had been 3 weeks since the thing with the letter. 3 fucking weeks since you found out you were nothing more than a programmed machine.

And everything had gotten weird.

Ordinarily, you might call your behavior depression, but you were a goddamn robot and couldn't actually feel anything.

Sometimes you would spend hours in front of the mirror looking at your strange body. No.. to look at her body. You were just an image of her and your body was just a thing made of metal, tied through with cables and covered with a skin-colored rubber.

It all made no sense, all your memories of your family, your friends and your meeting with Mina (your first meeting in your bookstore, your first date, the first kiss, ..) all of this had to be real. But as Mutt had explained to you, your brain was just a hard drive with a stored script in which Mina had invested a lot of time to make your "memories" as detailed as possible. After all, she wanted you to be perfect.

To be honest, you had no idea how to act towards Mina. She was right somewhere, without her, you wouldn't exist. Maybe you should be grateful or happy that she created you. And on top of that, you really thought you loved her, needed her, or wanted her. But inside you knew that you only did all of these things because she programmed you to do so. Nothing you ever did was really your own excuse. You were just what she wanted you to be and in addition to that, you weren't even unique anymore. Mina had just copied you and used you for her own purposes.

Inwardly, you tried to fight the urge to kiss her, sit on her lap, or even smile at her, simply because you knew it wasn't what you wanted, but what she wanted. She wanted you to kiss her, wanted you to sit on her lap and wanted you to smile at her.

And all these feelings that cooked in you at the same time, the forced love for Mina and at the same time the hate because she was so selfish, let you get tired and pulled you down into a deep hole.

But you were a robot, you couldn't feel anything.

------------------------

"You should fucking stop coking while you're working on her", hissed Mina, staring into the stupid faces of Jeff and Mutt.

"She should be perfect, do you understand that?"

"Calm down", Mutt mutturd, raising both hands as Jeff swept the rest of the cocaine off the table. The fine powder fell like snow on the floor and the fact that these drugs were now on the white floor made Mina even more angry.

"We're the best at this and we know that if she doesn't turn out perfect, you'll probably kill us," Jeff explained with a smug grin on his ugly face.

"It's better for you if you know," Mina growled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"How far are you?"

"So," Jeff got up bored to go to his project.

"All we have to do is insert her face and load your script from her hard drive and then we're done."

Mina's gaze wandered to the 3D printer Jeff was pointing to. Inside was the mask of a face ... your face. It was her eyes staring at some point, the same blush of her cheeks on yours, as was the gentle curve of your lips as hers.

"May I ..?" Mina asked and held out her hand for the mask. Jeff shrugged.

"Do what you want, but then bring the mask with you to her body, then we can finish it off."

The man turned to go to the computer next to the body on the table.

"Meanwhile I'll be loading your script on her hard drive", he called afterwards, but Miss Venable no longer listened to him. Her attention was fully focused on the mask, which she had carefully removed from the printer.

The face looked almost dead in her hands as not a single facial muscle was tense and yet Miss Venable could already tell that you were exactly as she had imagined. Just like she remembered Y / N.

Miss Venable stepped away from the 3D printer to walk past Jeff to your body.

She took off her leather gloves before running her fingers over the exposed skin of your arm. It was fascinating how much the rubber felt like real skin. It wasn't the first time, that she saw the result of your body, but it always fascinated her.

Her gaze wandered to your head and she was startled, when she saw directly in your head on the hard drive, that was connected to Jeff's computer by a black cable.

"And she won't ask any questions?" She asked, turning to Jeff.

"Nope," said Mutt, who stood with his arms folded next to his colleague to stare at the computer.

"I took the liberty of reading your script and apart from all the crazy sex you wrote down there, it seems to be very verbose."

Mina's eyes narrowed at Mutt's words and she bit the inside of her cheek to swallow all the insults that came into her mind. This script had been private.

On the other hand, she was tired of waiting for you and just wanted it to be over as soon as possible and that she could finally have you after waiting so many years.

"Okay, this is what we got," Jeff began as he got up from the computer and walked over to your body to pull the cable out of your head.

"Y / N will think, she was here to pick you up from work and then she would have passed out for whatever reason. So she won't wonder why she is here. Well, you know, she thinks that you've been together for a few years, so you have to play along right away. "

"I've spent so many years preparing for this moment," Mina hissed as she watched Jeff insert the face into your body.

And she was right, for years she had lived in her house like a second person was living with her. She had bought Y / N's size clothes, her make-up, her perfume, the books she liked ... Someone would have called it madness, but to her it was confidence. Just because she knew she'd have you one day. And today she could finally take you home with her.

"We're ready," Jeff said, turning to Mutt.

"You can power her up."

"Wait," Mina interrupted while she stared down into your blank face. Your eyes were closed and now it almost looked like you were sleeping.

"I want to be alone with her, when she wakes up."

"B-but what if something doesn't work?"

"It will work."

"Your decision", Jeff mumbled and went to Mutt to leave the room with him.

"Oh and Miss Venable, you know, that telling her about your her identity wouldn't be the best idea."

"She will never know, I'll make sure", Mina replied and went to the computer to switch you on. As quickly as she could, she came back to the table you were lying on, staring expectantly into your face.

And then you came to life.

First your eyes opened and Mina saw you blink a few times confused at the bright ceiling lamp.

"What's up, honey?" You asked her with a frown, but Mina couldn't answer. You looked so damn real, just like her.

"Are you okay?", You grinned crookedly while you sat up.

Your smile, the slightly curved eyebrows and your lively eyes, it was perfect.

"I- I am just happy that you're awake again," Mina finally managed to stutter.

"Naww you were worried about me? You're cute," you muttered, reaching for her hands.

"Can we go home now?"

Mina nodded slowly while she stared into the loving glitter eyes.

You were perfect

Wilhemina opened her eyes. The image of your sparkling eyes was still buzzing around in her head while she stared at the ceiling of your bedroom. Damn it, how many weeks had you not looked at her like that?

Miss Venable was usually not one to wake up at night, but since you knew what you really were, she slept badly and at night dreamed of the time when you didn't know and you were both happy. In addition, the weight of your head was missing on her chest..Your arm wrapped around her waist and the locks of hair that usually tickled her face.

It was almost impossible to sleep like this. She just needed to feel like you belonged to her. How many times had Miss Venable dreamed of Y/N in Jonathan's arms one night and then woke up only to see, that you were as close to her as you could possibly be?

And since you knew it, you just lay next to her in bed, curled up in yourself and felt worlds away from Mina. She was sure you were toying with the idea of ​​sleeping in the guest room. But you could never do that, because that's how she programmed you. You wanted to be with her.

Mina turned her head to the side to see you. You lay on your back next to her and stared out the window with glassy eyes. Lost, thought Miss Venable.

"Why are you awake?" She asked softly and grabbed your hand, which was on your chest.

"I can't sleep"you replied dryly without looking at her.

I don't need to sleep, I'm a fucking robot Wilhemina.

"Do you want to read? Uhm- We haven't read together in ages," she asked and began to run her thumb over the back of your hand.

You just shook your head before turning to her and looking at her with such a pain in your eyes, that she wanted to cry.

"I'm not real, Mina," you said in a thick voice as tears came out of your eyes. You reached your other hand to your face to wipe away the tears.

"These tears are not real."

"That is not true." Mina whispered and took your other hand as well.

"You are here and you are real."

"I'm not even alive. I'm just a dead thing made of cables, I live as much as your computer does."

"Don't say something like that.", Mina mumbled reaching behind her to turn on the bedside lamp. She actually wanted to say something, but when she turned back to you, her eyes fell on the small bruises on your arm.

"What the hell, Y / N", she scolded in horror and ran her fingers over the dark spots.

"Oh, it's not that bad," you said quickly as you pulled your arm away.

"It's actually quite interesting, you know, when we were in the office to fix my hand, Mutt explained to me that I have certain sensors under this rubber layer, that make me think I'm feeling pain. And how my skin changes color when I injure myself..you know, its really cool"

Mina looked at you disturbed, while you explained to her factually how interesting you found that.

"Mutt sent me the plans for my body too," you continued, staring thoughtfully at your forearm.

"It's so fascinating to see how my body digests food or how my emotions work."

"Why are you in contact with this idiot?", Mina frowned.

"Because I wanted to know how I work..I also noticed that I can't get any older and it's kind of funny."

"Funny", Mina repeated, planning a thousand ways in her head, how she would kill Mutt.

----------------

"You fucking idiot," she hissed the next day as she hobbled into Jeff and Mutt's office.

"How dare you even think you have the right to clear Y / N?"

"I thought, it would be good, after she found out everything," Mutt muttered without looking up from his computer.

"Oh yeah?", Mina's eyes sparkled with anger.

"And I thought, we said,  it would be best if she didn't know."

"I understand why he gave her the plans," Jeff interjected.

"Who the hell asked you ??", Mina spat and Jeff shrugged.

"I'm just saying, that I think it's better for her. You want her to be happy and I think that's only possible, if she knows who she is."

"Oh no," Mina shook her head. "I want her to be like Y / N again and unfortunately that won't work if you explain how her robot body works. You could have sent her the script right away."

"Who knows, maybe I'll do that too," Mutt mumbled and looked enviously at Jeff, who was already coking again. "She deserves to know everything."

"You won't do anything like that," Mina growled dangerously.

"You both still work for me and what I do with my girlfriend is my decision".

With that she turned to walk out of the office and eventually out of the building. She just wanted to go home, but at the same time she knew that you and not Y / N would be waiting for her there.

"I'm home princess", she called out loud as she always did when she came home and like the weeks before she got no answer from you. Mina sighed as she hung her jacket on the stand. She hobbled into the bedroom and saw you the night before, just lying there and staring out the window. You hadn't gone to work in the past few weeks, it felt kind of pointless.

"How was your day, princess?" Asked your girlfriend, who was lost in the doorway and tried to get you to talk somehow.

"Good," you said curtly. "You didn't want to tell me how long I've been around, but I think I figured it out today."

Mina's breath caught.

"Did Mutt tell you that too?"

"Nope," you mumbled. "It was me alone. Well, I noticed that based on what I thought I knew, we've been living together for 4 years, but there are only pictures of the last two years, so I think, I'm 2 years old. Somehow that sounds funny, doesn't it? You're dating a two year old. "

For a few seconds, Mina just stared at you. You were right, you were two years old.

"When will you finally get back to normal," she finally mumbled and stepped outthe door frame to sit on the bed. You snorted in annoyance and shook your head as you sat up.

"Define normal, Mina."

"When will you talk to me again? When will you kiss me again? Will you sit on my lap or at least smile at me?" She screamed, making you wince at her volume.

"You treat me like I did something wrong."

"Sorry, but do you find it normal to live with someone, who is actually dead and looks like your 'big love'?" You yelled back.

"It was normal until you knew it and now you pretend there was something wrong with it," Mina stared at you in disbelief, as if she didn't understand how fucked up these facts actually were.

"You could at least have made me unique with a will of my own .. I could have loved you anyway and if I had decided it myself, that's actually how it works," you spat as you leaned against the headboard.

"Then you wouldn't have been like her," Mina replied dryly and you just rolled your eyes.

"So what?".

"So what ?!", Mina repeated angrily.

"Maybe because the only person I love is her and not you?"

Your eyes widened at her words.

"You- you are insane, Mina," you stuttered and got up to walk out of the room. And you would have loved to leave, but you were a human boomerang, no matter how far away you went, you would keep coming back to her. Because that's how she programmed you.

----------------------

A few days went by and you thought a lot about the fact, that she had told you in the face, that she didn't love you but this woman. And you started to hate it all. You hated Mina for her incredible selfishness. You hated yourself for being completely at the mercy of her because she programmed you that way and you hated Y / N (although you were actually Y / N, only in lesbian and metal) because Mina loved her and not you.

You knew, that Mina regretted telling you that, at least she tried to apologize to you later, but you ignored her.

In your eyes, what Mina felt was no longer love, but madness. And if you hadn't hated Y / N, you would probably have prayed for her, that Mina wouldn't have the idea of ​​kidnapping her. Probably the next step on the insane scale. First Y / N had decided on Jonathan and then the stupid robot broke, so Mina was only left with kidnapping as a way out.

You really did your best to understand her behavior, but you just couldn't. Okay, well ... you were just a stupid robot and you only knew empathy from Mina's script.

"Well," you began when you came into her working space on Wednesday afternoon and sat across from her at the desk.

"I've thought of something."

That was the first time in days that you spoke to her without being asked.

You had actually decided to ignore her, until it was enough for her and she decided to leave you. However, the human part of you (Mina's ugly script) thought it would be fair to at least give her the opportunity to explain to you why she was the way she was.

Mina looked up from her laptop and smiled gently at you.

"Anything you want, princess".

You could hear the relief in her voice and you knew she was probably glad you spoke to her again.

And to be honest, you liked that situation. The fact, that she was so eager to talk to you again gave you an incredible feeling of power.

Usually you played by her rules and now you had the reins in hand.

You crossed your arms over your chest and looked at her for a few seconds with narrowed eyes. Despair literally glittered in her eyes and you couldn't help but enjoy this moment.

"I want to get to know Y / N", you finally said and watched as her brown eyes widened.

"You can't be serious," she whispered in disbelief.

"I am absolutely serious."

You shrugged your shoulders.

"You want me to get 'normal' again, but for that to happen, I have to understand you first, and here we are."

"But- ..", Mina started and then broke off herself. This stunned look sparked another war in you.

One side wanted to love her and tell her the idea was stupid, while the other side of you hated her profoundly.

"I hope you are aware, that this is not possible," she said quietly.

"And why not? Because then she finds out that you are a psychopath? This is your problem and not mine."

"Y / N, I can't do this," she mumbled, always seeing youstill horrified.

"I can dress up or something," you replied and immediately hated yourself for your willingness to compromise.

Mina shook her head.

"That's impossible Y / N ... your voice even sounds like hers."

"Nobody pays attention to the voice."

"Jonathan would notice," Mina said, pressing her lips together.

"Jonathan?" You repeated, confused, and raised an eyebrow.

"Her Husband," she mumbled softly.

"And why should your husband come with her, when I just want to see her?"

"He does not like me."

"And why should you come with me, when I want to see her?"

"Oh Y / N, come on", Mina rolled her eyes. "Do you really think, I'm so stupid and leave you alone with her? No way."

You snorted in annoyance and shook your head as you stood up.

"It was clear that you wanted to be in control of that too," you muttered, turning to walk out of the room.

"I'll leave the decision to you, Mina, but don't expect me to come back to you if you don't even give me the opportunity to understand you."

----------------------

And Mina actually didn't seem to have given up hope, when she told you on the same day, ,that she would agree to your request.

It was maybe a bit ridiculous to dress up because of the whole thing, but otherwise Mina would not have agreed and you also wanted to spare Y / N, what had happened to you the last few weeks. By being basically Y / N, you knew exactly what it would feel like for her to find out the truth about you.

"So .. what do you think?" You asked when you walked into the hallway to Mina, who was already waiting.

Mina looked you up and down critically.

You had to do your best not to look like yourself, or rather not to look like her.

Dyed hair, different make-up, more conspicuous clothing and jewelry.

"I don't like it," Mina muttered and you rolled your eyes.

"It's not about whether you like it, it's about whether I look like her."

Mina shook her head.

"You definitely don't do that and I still think it's ugly."

"Well, maybe I should always dress like this now," you muttered as you stepped forward to leave the house.

During the drive to the café, Mina explained her rules to you and that she would interrupt the whole thing immediately if you didn't follow them.

But you didn't listen to her at all. In your mind you were with Y / N and the life that was actually intended for you and it annoyed you, that Mina was so addicted to control.

"So, behave, understand?" She finished her sermon as she parked the car.

"Do I have any other choice? Otherwise you would probably take me to the junkyard," you joked and climbed out of the car, only for Mina to come to you and take her hand in yours. You wanted to push her away, her behavior was disgusting, but instead you gave her a warm smile and pressed a quick kiss on her cheek.

You knew exactly how much that would hurt her.

Mina pulled you into the overcrowded café and despite the many people you immediately discovered the young couple, who were sitting at one of the back tables.

Y / N, who had a child on her lap and her husband Jonathan.

Shit, shot through your head. They look so happy ..

You felt Mina's grip on your hand tighten a little, and if your bones weren't made of steel, you would have been afraid, Mina would break your hand. As you both approached the table, your eyes were glued to Y / N. In fact, she looked exactly like you, the only difference being that her hair was a little longer than yours. She moved like you, had the same posture as you and wore the same innocent smile on her face as you always did.

And as much as you loathe Mina, you had to give her one thing: she had done an excellent job designing you and you finally understood, what she always meant when she told you, that you were perfect.

She could have shown you a photo of Y / N and you would have been 100% sure that it was you.

"Oh Mina, hi", Y / N squeaked excitedly and got up from her seat when she saw Mina and you and you couldn't help but grin. Stupid thing.

"Hello Y / N," Mina mumbled when Y / N came and hugged her.

"I'm Y / N," Y / N said to you with a polite smile after letting go of Mina.

"And this is my husband Jonathan and our daughter Emily."

Your gaze wandered to the child who paid you no attention and to Jonathan who smiled crookedly.

"Uhm Y / N, that's my girlfriend Laura", Mina stammered and you looked at her confused. Laura?

"Hi," you mumbled tersely, trying to bring a smile to your face.

You watched Y / N turn away from you againe to sit next to your husband and put the child back on your lap.

"God, I'm so glad, that we can meet," Y / N said excitedly as Mina and you sat down (Mina across from Y / N while you sat down across from her annoyed husband).

"You know, I was really sad when you said a few weeks ago you weren't going to our college meeting .. I missed you, Mina."

You knew how much Y / N's words would hurt Mina and suddenly you found the fact, that you were sitting with her in this cafe with the real Y / N and her great life more than just amazing. And you knew that Mina made herself very vulnerable at that moment, which was actually a rarity.

"You know, Mina, I was really happy for you when you told me that you had a girlfriend," Y / N said while she stared at you curiously. Holy shit.

"How did you meet?"

"Uhm she-" Mina began, but you interrupted her.

"Let me tell her, honey."

You grabbed Mina's hand, that was on the table and crossed her fingers with yours.

"Well, as you know, Mina works in this robot company. And because Mina is not stupid, she had the great idea to create a human robot that exactly meets her ideas, who wouldn't do that if you were CEO of this company? And unfortunately her ideas looked exactly like me and in front of you sits the end result of her experiment and thats our lovestory. "

Y / N and Jonathan stared at you in confusion and you could hear Mina holding her breath. You held this tension for a few seconds before you laughed out loud.

"Oh my god, guys..that was a joke", you laughed and immediately the looks of the others relaxed again. Mina cleared her throat only to growl a quiet "not funny".

"So you know, I work in a bookstore and she was my customer back then. Love at first sight and that shit. And then we started dating," you explained and looked at Mina lovingly from the side. Disgusting.

You heard Y / N squeak softly next to Jonathan and you wondered if you were as annoying as she was.

"Thats so cute," she said. "And how long have you been together?"

"4 years", Mina muttered and you hummed in agreement.

"I'm happy for you," said Y / N and looked back and forth between you and Mina, smiling.

"Jonathan and I have known each other since college, as Mina must have told you."

"Oh yeah," you said, staring at the child playing in Y / N's lap. It looked just like her, and who knows, maybe it was just a robot?

"Mina told me a lot about you, unfortunately a little late. Well, whatever, what are you two doing?"

"We're both mechanics and work in rocket construction," Y / N explained and Jonathan just nodded.

"You know, Jonathan is currently working with other mechanics on a rocket that will go to Mars."

Y / N gave Jonathan a proud look.

"Oh wow, that's so cool," you said with mock admiration as you stared at Jonathan with bright eyes.

"You know, Mina's work is really boring, but rocket building? That is so interesting, tell me more about your work, jonathan."

The man in front of you looked at you confused as you cocked your head and smiled sweetly at him.

"Uhm, so I work in a team with 14 other mechanics," he explained bored and crossed his arms over his chest. "And we plan to finish the whole project within the next two years."

"And should the rocket be for humans?" You asked as you put your hand on his arm to remove a lint that didn't exist. Beside you, you could feel Mina squeeze your hand tight and you knew, that she hated to see you obviously flirting with the man.

Jonathan cleared his throat and pulled his arms apart again so that you had to remove your hand again.

"This rocket is supposed to be for robots," he muttered, looking at his wife, who was sitting next to him, smiling gently.

"Oh, did you hear Mina? Robots?" You said as you turned to Mina to look at her with shining eyes.

"Maybe I should report to NASA, I would be the perfect astronaut for this mission".

You looked back at Y / N and Jonathan, who obviously didn't know what to make of your statement again. You grinned cheekily when you put your hand on Jonathans again.

"I understand, that all of the robot comments might sound a bit confusing, but you have to know, that Mina has some really weird fetishes."

------------

"What the hell was that supposed to be?" Scolded Mina after the two of you had reentered your house. You turned to her and shrugged your shoulders.

"I don't know what you mean, honey," you said with an innocent smile on your face as you approached her passed to enter the living room. Mina watched you angrily as you let yourself fall on the sofa to stare indifferently out of the window.

"Those stupid robot comments?" She hissed angrily.

"And then the disgusting way you stared at Jonathan with .."

You snorted in annoyance.

"Of course it is that thing that bothers you".

"Yes, it bothers me because you know that I hate him", Mina hissed and hobbled into the room to stand in front of you.

"You fucking belong to me Y / N .."

"Of course I'm yours," you mumbled sadly and while you were still looking out the window, you could feel her angry eyes digging into your skin. You thought back to the previous afternoon. Y / N had started talking about their perfect life in response to your questions. Her and Jonathan's career, and then cute Emily, who had been sitting at the table the whole time playing with a teddy bear. You noticed, that as a stupid robot you could probably never have children and you couldn't help but feel envy for this woman and again there was this hate for Mina.

"Okay, take that off," Mina suddenly said in a sharp voice. You looked at her confused and blinked a few times.

"Please what-?"

"Take. That. Off.", She repeated, growling, while her eyes wandered over your body. "This makeup, the jewelry and these clothes, that's not you. And I want you .. now"

"Oh no ... I definitely won't do that," you breathed as you stood up.

"I told you, I didn't want anything physical from you until things were cleared up."

"I waited a long time Y / N and nothing happened, so take this shit off," Mina spat, staring at you impatiently.

"Leave me alone, Wilhemina," you muttered as you stepped past her to leave the room.

"You will come back immediately, Y / N", Mina suddenly shouted in a tone that was strange to you and immediately made you jump. Her voice suddenly sounded so shrill that it gave goose bumps over your body.

You turned around automatically to go back to the living room, where Mina was still angry and looking at you expectantly.

"I want you to take your clothes off," she said sharply, and you just couldn't argue. There was that sound in her voice that she had never yelled at you with, even though you had argued a lot in the past few weeks.

"Now, Y / N," she hissed loudly before she hit the floor with her stick and you immediately began to take off all the jewelry, that you had only been wearing to not look like Y / N. You grabbed an unused kleenex, that was lying on the living room table to wipe the lipstick off your lips. Your fingers carefully removed the lashes, that you had placed on your eyelashes. Your eyes were still on Mina, who had meanwhile sat down on the sofa and watched your every move. You stood in front of her, undecided after throwing the handkerchief with your lipstick and lashes on the table.

"I want you to sit on my lap," said Mina and suddenly you understood why you were actually doing what she wanted. 

“I want.”

Damn robot.

You carefully climbed onto her lap and stared sadly into her brown eyes, which were dark with lust.

"Good girl," she hummed, sending warmth through your whole body.

"Its that what you want, isn't it? Be my good girl?"

You looked down at her with glassy eyes before you nodded.

Immediately her hands began to wander over your body and you knew that you had failed.

You had never hated yourself and your stupid body as much as you had for the next few hours. As warm tears of frustration ran down your face, you moaned her name like a whore. It was fascinating how your body reacted to her touch, you wanted her so bad, simply because she programmed you that way.

With that she had won.

You had fought her for 3 weeks, only to end up in bed with her again. You hated her for it and you hated yourself and still you let her fuck you so senselessly.

When you found yourself in your bed a few hours later and felt her naked body pressed against yours, you felt more terrible than ever. Mina had her arms wrapped tightly around you and you could feel her breath on your neck. It was all disgusting and you noticed how it got too much.

You carefully freed yourself from her iron grip to go quietly from your bedroom into the bathroom. You turn on the light and stand in front of the mirror to examine your naked body. Disgusting.

Your face looked completely tearful, with a swollen lower lip that she had a few hours agohad eyes.

Your body was covered with small bruises and the prints of her fingernails and suddenly you could feel her hands running over your body again. It was electrifying.

You hated this picture in front of you. You were only there to be hers. To do what she wanted. And there was nothing you could do about it.

Your fingers carefully traced her markings. None of this was real. Your skin was some kind of rubber that only discolored. An illusion to hide your cables. And you've had enough of this human shell, this illusion. You were a robot and you looked like a human, you acted like a human and that didn't make any sense. You finally wanted to know who or rather what you were. Your eyes wandered from your reflection in the mirror to the sink and the small nail scissors stabbed your eyes.

The whole thing was idiotic, but you couldn't help but hold out your trembling hand for it.

----------------

A few minutes after you got out of bed, Mina woke up too. The lack of warmth in your body was missing, as was your weight in her arms. For a brief moment she was afraid, that you would finally have run away, but then it occurred to her, that you couldn't run away, that's how she had programmed you. Still, she had the feeling that something was wrong.

Mina sat up to grab her dressing gown, which she pulled over her naked body, and then hobbled out of the bedroom into the hallway to look for you. She didn't have to look far as the light shone from the open bathroom and she saw you leaning over the sink.

"Princess?" She asked softly and put a hand on your bare shoulder. You winced at her touch as you turned and revealed to Mina what you had done. Mina let out a shocked scream and stared in horror at your slashed arm, which revealed all the cables and your metal bones.

"What the fuck are you doing ?!", She screamed angrily as she grabbed your arm.

"I- I just wanted to see my real body," you stuttered and hid the nail scissors behind your back.

"Don't you see that you are destroying everything?", Mina spat and looked at you hurt.

"You're the one who breaks everything."

"Mina, please," you mumbled and pulled your open arm back again.

"I just want you to be normal again," she breathed and felt tears come out of her eyes. You shook your head slowly.

"We already had this conversation, I'm not going back to normal, you have to understand."

"Oh I understand it now".

Mina looked at you thoughtfully for a moment before continuing.

"Get dressed."

"It's 5 am," you said and watched in confusion as Mina turned around to go back to your bedroom from the bathroom.

"You understood me, Y / N", Mina mumbled and heard how you ran after her angrily.

"Make up your mind Mina," you hissed as you walked past her to your closet. "Before you wanted me to take my clothes off, just so you would tell me now to get dressed again."

"You can also accompany me to my office naked," Mina hummed, who started to get dressed. You spun around and stared at her in confusion.

"You want us to go to your office?"

"Exactly".

"Forget it," you snorted and shook your head.

"I won't do that shit. You can't-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Shouted Mina.

"I want us to go to my office and you will come with me, do you understand me?"

She glared at you and you nodded quickly.

"Good," she hissed. "Now damn it, get dressed and shut up."

----------

Mina was incredibly nervous when she drove to her office. She didn't really know what she wanted there herself.

She wanted you to go back to normal, but you didn't go back to normal. She wanted you to be Y / N again, but you weren't. Mina could feel that you were scared when you sat silently next to her in the car without moving. But she didn't care, earlier she might have calmed you down, but earlier you were still like Y / N.

Mina parked the car in the company's parking lot before opening the door for you to get out. Without a word, she ran through the building, clutching your wrist with her free hand. What hadn't been cut open. She stomped angrily into the office of Jeff and Mutt, who were bent over the table again to coke.

"Look Mutt, Venny joins the chatroom," grinned Mutt as he lifted his head from the table and recognized Miss Venable.

"What gives us the honor?"

Mina put her hand on your back and pushed you forward.

"She is broken," she croaked. "She doesn't work anymore .."

"So what should we do now?" Asked Jeff, as he got up and walked over to you to look at your cut arm.

"I want you to fix her, she should be normal," Mina hissed and felt tears sting in her eyes again.

"Otherwise replace her if you have to, I don't want her if she is like that."

Mina looked sadly into your fearful eyes. There was nothing left of the loving glint she'd seen when you smiled at her the first time. You weren't like Y / N and as long as you weren't like her, she didn't want you. Damn robot.

Sandman, I'm so alone Don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream

[hizashiiis]

While You Were Away

Yuu Nishinoya x Female!Reader

This is part of the @inarizahki​ mafia collab! I had Nishinoya, so I wrote this little thing about him coming back from a “business trip.” That can mean whatever you’d like it to, lol.

Warnings: Mafia content, suggestive themes, large dogs, loneliness

Word Count: 1.3k

Three weeks. That’s how long it had been since you’d seen your husband. He was off on some sort of “business dealing,” which, knowing him, probably meant he was torturing someone for information. 

You knew, logically, that having a husband in the mafia would mean danger, and it would mean a lot of time apart. But there’s a big difference between knowing that, and feeling the emptiness of your house when he wasn’t in it. Every step down the long hallways felt colder without him there, and every meal eaten alone felt a little more lonely. 

He had attempted to get one of the other members of the Karasuno Clan to stay with you in the house, but you had refused. You could keep yourself safe, and you weren’t too keen on seeing anyone if it wasn’t him. He insisted on at least stationing a few security men outside just in case, though. 

You picked up your phone, unlocking it and going to the messages app, looking for any sign from him that he was okay, and maybe, hopefully, coming home soon. There was a text from late last night, telling you about a dog he saw while walking in a downtown area. In a city he couldn’t even tell you the name of. 

You sent a quick text acknowledging the coolness of pit bulls as a breed before setting your phone back down and heading into the living room to sit and pet your own dog. 

When you entered the room, the enormous german shepherd went absolutely nuts, running in circles around your legs and jumping up and down off of the couches. He was a very excitable dog. You’d had him since you and Nishinoya had gotten married, him claiming that the puppy would serve as good company when he was away. In moments just like this one. So you’d said yes, more to satisfy Yuu than out of real comfort in the dog. But you’d grown to love him as you might love a child, if you were interested in having one of those. 

You laugh at the dog’s antics, petting him as he raced by. “Settle, Bear. Everything’s okay!” Trying in vain to get him to sit down, you flopped onto a large chair beside the fireplace, beginning to read a book you’d started a few days ago. 

No more than ten minutes after you’d started to read, your phone started to ring. You jumped to answer it, startling your puppy, who was now chewing a large rubber bone. 

“Hello?” You answer the phone, waiting with baited breath to see if it would be good or bad news. It was typically one of the two. But to your surprise and utter relief, it was your husband that was on the other end of the line. 

“Hey baby!” Yuu yelled down the line, expressing his hyper energy just as well over the phone as he always did in real life. From the background, you can just barely make out a groaning Tanaka telling him to be quieter. 

“Yuu!” You respond, feeling your heart flutter at the sound of his voice. You’ve been together for two years now, married for a few months, but it’s still so nice to hear him call you baby. “How are you?”

“I’m good, but I miss my cute little wife.” You can practically hear him wink as he speaks, and you laugh. 

“I miss you too! Where are you?” You assume it’s safe to ask that now, since he usually wouldn’t call you from anywhere he wouldn’t want to be traced from. 

“About that, actually…” His voice holds a teasing sort of tone, and he waits a few seconds to hold the suspense. “Why don’t you look outside, pretty girl?” 

You hop off the couch, running to the large window that looks out on the street. A shiny black car that you recognize as Asahi’s rolls to a stop just outside of the house. As you run to the door to see your husband, you hear the security guys checking out the car to make sure everyone was who they said they were. 

A man knocks on your front door as you hang up the phone to tell you it’s clear, and with that confirmation, you race outside to greet Yuu. 

You squeak as he picks you up and twirls you around, happy to finally see you after an endless three weeks apart. Putting you down, he captures your lips in a deep kiss, biting down on your lower lip. You can hear the men behind Noya cough and clear their throats awkwardly. Yuu waves them away, kissing you harder. 

You pull away after a moment, holding his face in your hands. “Hi, my love. Missed me that much, huh?” You tease, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. 

“What can I say, babe, you’re addicting.” He winks at you, catching your thumb as it crosses his mouth to give it a kiss. Tanaka clears his throat again, a bit louder this time, making Yuu roll his eyes and pull away. “Problems, Ryuu?”

“Uh, yeah, I haven’t even gotten my hug yet, and neither has Asahi. She’s our friend too!” Tanaka says teasingly, holding out his arms. You giggle and run to give the two taller men hugs. Tanaka practically squishes all of the air out of your lungs, while Asahi is far more gentle, whispering a nervous little, “Hello.”

“It’s good to see you guys!” You say to them, returning to your place next to Noya. “How was the, er… business trip?” You cough a bit on the word ‘business,’ letting them know that you know what they were doing there. Asahi has the decency to look a little bit awkward at that, but Tanaka and Noya just grin. 

“It was great!” Yuu says. 

“Very productive.” Tanaka adds with a wink. 

The four of you continue to talk a bit, but after a few minutes, your husband becomes very fidgety, seemingly very antsy to get inside. Noticing this, you carefully excuse yourselves, holding tightly to Noya’s hand as you walk inside. 

When you get in the door, he jumps on you, kissing you roughly. You return the kiss, though a bit softer. Your hands move to tangle in his hair, holding him tightly as if afraid he might disappear at any moment. Tears slide down your cheeks, falling to the wooden floor below you. 

A sudden, very loud woof startles you out of your kisses, and Yuu laughs, reaching down to pet the big puppy. “You missed me, too, huh Bear?” he giggles, trying to get the dog to stop giving slobbery kisses all over his face and hands. It’s no use, though; he’s too excited to see Noya home. 

You smile at the sight of your two favorite people rolling around on the floor. This is what you’ve missed the last few weeks. It doesn’t seem so empty anymore; your home is full of energy again thanks to your hyperactive lover. 

“Yuu, are you going to cuddle me or not?” You say, a fake pout on your lips as you cross to the living room. “You’ve been gone too long!”

Noya gets up from the ground in a flash, rushing to your side on the couch and snuggling into you, peppering a million kisses across your arms as he does. “Of course I am, what kind of husband would I be if I didn’t? I was gone so long and I hardly even got to text you! Now come here, baby, get your Yuu cuddles.” His face takes on a determined expression, now fully set on giving you all the attention you missed out on when he was gone. 

The two of you stay like that for a long time, with Yuu cuddling you, occasionally placing a sweet kiss to whatever part of you he can reach. At some point you fall asleep in his arms, glad to finally have him back with you. 

[itsonlystrange]

I’d like to point out that the “it’s all just a bunch of coincidence” argument is very poor. People say that about anything they don’t like. If we’re using this argument then I could say that everytime Mileven accidentally held hands or touched or any of that lovey dovey stuff that the Mileven fandom goes nuts over is a coincidence, but I have 0 evidence that it’s a coincidence, I’m just saying it is because that’s how I, a biased person on the side of byler, sees it. And I love the Milevens that actually respect us, it’s just the toxic ones that stomp on us or rain on our parade that irritate me.

So I ask skeptical Milevens, why do you think it’s all a coincidence? Because the Duffers have gone on record multiple times saying that nothing in their show is a coincidence, so it’s odd of you to assume that it is, when that goes against everything the duffers have said.

I see a lot of people claim that all of Bylers very romantic coded scenes are just coincidences with out any real evidence solely because they want them to be coincidences.

Reminder that the duffers had to write, revise, have Noah and Finn read at the table read, rehearse, and then film all of Bylers romantic coded scenes. And do you seriously believe that nobody stepped up and said, “Hey, I think some people will start to ship this if you make your two male characters hold hands and look at each others lips.” Like on paper, that sounds romantic. And on screen, it looks romantic too! If the duffers didn’t want byler to be shown as romantic they wouldn’t have put all of that effort into Mike and Will’s romanticly coded scenes in season two. And sure, one could say they were oblivious and didn’t realize that this relationship could be seen as anything more than romantic and that one of their 100 other writers and revisors and producers didn’t step up and say “Is this really what we want to be conveying in this show when they’re just supposed to be friends?” (Which I doubt. The duffers and everyone else on the writing crew knew exactly what they were implying. And if the duffers themselves didn’t, I HIGHLY doubt that someone didn’t step up and point out how romantic some of these scenes are, especially considering multiple of their writers are apart of the lgbtq community which makes it highly more likely that someone would have realized as I’m sure their gay senses are much stronger than those of the cishet writers on the squad. ) However, byler kind of blew up after season two, so if ST didn’t mean for Mike and Will’s relationship to be seen as more than platonic, then why did they continue doing it in season three? And the thing is, we’re not “delusional” for thinking this. Hundreds of thousands of millions of people have pointed this out across all platforms. It stops being a problem with us and “seeing what we want to see” when millions of people see the same, and it becomes the writers problem for even implying that in the first place.

Here’s an example: take Lucas and Dustin. Sure, there are definitely people out there that think or head canon as either as gay, but not nearly as big of a community as the Byler community. The reason is: Lucas and Dustin don’t have queer coding. They haven’t been painted the same way as Mike and Will’s relationship has. Or Jonathan, yeah, people may head canon as him as gay, or even think he actually is, but he doesn’t have any evidence that really points up to the fact that he is, or that he could be.

The duffers aren’t stupid. They wouldn’t have written byler this way if they didn’t want people shipping it. The official ST writer account has acknowledged byler multiple times, before st3 even started filming. They knew what they were doing. If their goal was to portray Mike and Will as a simple platonic friendship, and that all of their queer coded scenes in st2 were just a coincidence, why would they continue to do it in season 3? Queer baiting is real, yes. However like I said before, the st writing team has a lot of queer and lgbtq+ members themselves, not sure why they would want to queer bait when they’re gay/lesbian/bisexual themselves.

The truth is, byler would have never made it this far if it wasn’t meant to be shipped and portrayed like more of a romantic relationship than a platonic one. They would have shut it down awhile ago. They wouldn’t be so ominous about it. Noah and Finn wouldn’t constantly dodge questions about it unless they legally weren’t allowed to answer them. The duffers wouldn’t have been so vague in the ending of season 3 or in any interviews regarding season 3 about byler. Mike and Will wouldn’t have gotten a whole segment in the official ST book, they wouldn’t have held hands! Seriously! They held hands. Did someone seriously not point out how non platonic that was?———

And use the excuse all you want, “Will was just scared. That’s why Mike held his hand.” Okay, well Max and Lucas held hands when they were both scared in the exact same episode but I guess that doesn’t count because they’re a boy and a girl and Mike and Will are two boys. ———-And it’s funny because you KNOW that if Mike promised to go crazy together with El, that would he in every Milevens Instagram bio, it’d be on merchandise, it’d be everywhere. If Mike said meeting El was the best thing he’s ever done, people would be going bat shit crazy over how romantic that is and how they’re so in love. If Mike and El fought and he ran out in the middle of the rain looking for her when he couldn’t even apologize to his real girlfriend who dumped him just hours prior, people would say that Mike was in love with El and how much he cares about her yadda yadda. But that’s the thing. It’s two boys, so apparently it has to be platonic. Because that’s just how it works in their cishet minds. ——I’d like to see a better argument then “it was all a coincidence.” Because that’s not valid. Why? Why do you think it’s all a coincidence? It’s all just fake? Please. Elaborate. Because if these romantic scenes involved Mike and El instead of Mike and Will, then they’d see. Because they didn’t have Finn and Noah rehearse all these romantic coded scenes multiple times for nothing. They literally wrote, revised, edited, rehearsed, and filmed ALL of these scenes and still went through with it. And even in season three when people really started shipping byler, they STILL directed Finn and Noah to look at eachothers lips. They still filmed the rain fight. KNOWING byler shippers existed and KNOWING this would only heighten the amount of byler shippers there are.

The duffers aren’t stupid. This isn’t a surface level show. Everything they do is intentional, they’ve said it themselves. And yes, I agree that some byler proof COULD just be apophenia, but stuff like this? Crazy together? Looking at eachothers lips? Holding hands? I’m the only one that cares about Will? Mike keeping his eyes open in the final Mileven kiss, those aren’t small little things. You’re telling me that they couldn’t find another take for that final Mileven kiss? No. Finn kept his eyes open because he was directed to do so. The duffers are writers and directors for a reason. They went to school for this. So please, I’d like to see some actual argument against byler other than “they said they loved eachother!” “It’s all a coincidence!” I’d like to see people actually counter my arguments with actual evidence. Not just “Finn says they’re in love” not just “Millie ships it!” Because interviews are not evidence. They’re instructed to create hype for the show. If David can lie about hopper being dead, Finn and Millie can lie about Mileven being in love. I don’t want the argument of “it’s been built up for 3 seasons so they won’t destroy it now.” Stancy was built up for 2 seasons and see how that turned out. And Mileven fell more in season three than it went up.

Anyways,, if you’re a polite Mileven, this isn’t for you. I love you with my whole heart. If you’re just vibing, I love you. Ship what you want to ship! Feel free to counter my argument! However, If you’re someone who calls us “delusional”, leave. The doors right there. The cast has talked about how much they hate the ship wars in our fandom, so if you’re just gonna say how stupid we are, don’t let the door hit you on the way out:)

Sorry for long post lol. Love you all

[paunchsalazar]

hey!! i loved your hoo playlist! can you explain more or less where which book begins and ends? or just your thought process behind picking the songs?

omg hi!! this is going to be really long I’m so sorry... I vaguely broke them up by book and sorta character/event/theme, it’s not super strict or anything but that was the logic!

I kinda imagine it playing out like a movie or tv series.. and so some of these kinda play over a scene or transition to the credits in my head? some more than others! otherwise it’s like punny titles or just songs that remind of plot points!

Lost Hero

- Goodbye Stranger - for Jason, since he has no idea what’s going on lol

- Teenage Dream - for the three of them, but mostly Piper!

You think I'm pretty without any makeup on You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong

- Parachute - kinda Jason and Piper, I think as she realizes their relationship isn’t quite what it seems? (and just playing with his flying lol!)

- Metal Guru - Leo! 

- Pretty Girl - Piper, I was imagining this when she clashes with Drew/learns about the Aphrodite cabin

And I could be a pretty girl Shut up when you want me to And I could be a pretty girl Won't ever make you blue And I could be a pretty girl I'll lose myself in you

- The Sky’s The Limit - when the three of them take off on Festus

- Snowqueen Of Texas - this was for Khione lol

I'm on my knees, your majesty; Snowqueen, save a cold kiss for me I'm on my knees your majesty

- Sweet Talkin’ Woman - this is book-wide but it’s for Piper’s charmspeak!

- Are You Gonna Be My Girl - is sorta general but I was imagining it when Jason and Piper kinda decide to be together/give it another go

- It’s Not Unusual - I think this was sorta the entire book/wider series but I just think it’s cute and fun and a Guardians of the Galaxy type end credits song? And just them accepting their very bizarre situation 

Son of Neptune + Mark of Athena

I put these together because there wasn’t really a set bookend in my head!

- Hello Stranger - finally reuniting with Percy! (and I wanted the Percy and Jason songs to mirror each other)

Hello stranger (Ooh) It seems so good to see you back again How long has it been? (Ooh it seems like a mighty long time)

- Diamonds - Hazel 

- Don’t Go Breaking My Heart - Frank trusting Hazel with the wood, also Percy + Annabeth, everyone really

Don't go breaking my heart You take the weight off of me Oh, honey when you knock on my door Ooh, I gave you my key

- Beautiful Soul - I literally don’t know why I added this I just wanted an excuse to add a Jesse McCartney song (which feels so tonally correct to me?) but also I think it’s Frank liking Hazel in spite of her big secret and Percy loving Annabeth

- Pocketful of Rainbows - encountering Iris!

I don't worry Whenever skies are gray above Got a pocketful of rainbows Got a heart full of love

- Am I The Same Girl - Annabeth’s POV upon reunion!

Why don´t you stop And look me over Am I the same girl you used to know?

Why don´t you stop And think it over Am I the same girl who knew your soul?

- Bizarre Love Triangle - Frank, Hazel, and Leo

- Treasure - Hazel again + the literal treasure?

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl you should be smiling (you should be smiling) A girl like you should never look so blue (blue) You're everything I see in my dreams I wouldn't say that to you if it wasn't true

- The Sweet Escape - off on the Argo II

- Okay Okay - to Italy! and I just think Italian disco is so fun

- On An Evening in Roma - walking around Rome, seeing all its history

Though there's grinning and mandolining in sunny Italy The beginning has just begun when the sun goes down So please meet me in the plaza near your casa I am only one and that is one too few On an evening in Roma Don't know what the country's coming to But in Rome do as the Romans do Will you on an evening in Roma

- Stuck on the puzzle - Annabeth + the Mark of Athena

- Coca Cola - I was imagining the pirates+sacrifice to Dionysus/ his appearance

- Edge of Seventeen - I think Annabeth remarks to herself something like am I really going to die at 17? so this is for her and all the kids just on the cusp of being 17

And the days go by, like a strand in the wind In the web that is my own, I begin again Said to my friend, baby (everything stopped) Nothin' else mattered

- Landslide - when everything goes wrong and they start falling to Tartarus

Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Even children get older And I'm getting older too

House of Hades + Blood of Olympus

these are more thematic I think? but a few moments in particular

- Head Over Heels - falling down... 

I made a fire, and watching it burn Thought of your future With one foot in the past, now just how long will it last?

Something happens and I'm head over heels I never find out until I'm head over heels Something happens and I'm head over heels Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart Don't, don't, don't throw it away

- You and Me - Percy and Annabeth in Tartarus

If the stars don't shine If the moon won't rise If I never see the setting sun again You won't hear me cry as I testify Please believe me boy you know I would I lie As long as there is you and me

- Don’t Worry Baby - Percy and Annabeth in Tartarus, on the shore of the river

Well it's been building up inside of me For oh I don't know how long I don't know why But I keep thinking Something's bound to go wrong

But she looks in my eyes And makes me realize And she says "don't worry, baby"

- It’s Only A Paper Moon - the mist and Hazel starting to understand it

You smile, the bubble has a rainbow in it Say, it's only a paper moon Sailing over a cardboard sea But it wouldn't be make-believe If you believed in me

- Money, Money, Money - Hazel + Pluto

Money, money, money Must be funny In the rich man's world

- Magic - the whole story, but particularly with the presence of Hecate 

- Summer Wind - Jason harnessing the winds!

The summer wind came blowin' in from across the sea It lingered there, to touch your hair and walk with me All summer long we sang a song and then we strolled that golden sand Two sweethearts and the summer wind

- Mala Femmina - the return of Khione

- Would You? - Leo and Calypso

Well, you know she took my hand And we walked away And I can't understand why she would stay Would you like to fall in love with me?

-  Love is Like a Fire - Leo and also Frank 

- Don’t Wanna Fight - Percy and Annabeth

Take from my hand Put in your hands The fruit of all my grief Lying down ain't easy When everyone is pleasing I can't get no relief Living ain't no fun The constant dedication Keeping the water and power on There ain't nobody left Why can't I catch my breath? I'm gonna work myself to death

- Love Really Hurts With You - Leo after leaving Calypso’s island

- What Makes the Sunset - Percy and Annabeth (and by extension Bob and Damasen)

What makes the sunset? What makes the moonrise? What makes the tide remember to hide and why does it soon rise? What makes a star fall? Where does it fall to? Why does its flight make us stop in the night and wish as we all do?

- Dedicated to the One I Love - everybody, but an ode to Bob and Damasen (their goodbye made me cry!)

While I'm far away from you my baby I know it's hard for you my baby Because it's hard for me my baby And the darkest hour is just before dawn

Each night before you go to bed my baby Whisper a little prayer for me my baby And tell all the stars above This is dedicated to the one I love

- Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - Percy and Annabeth in Tartarus, I was thinking about this post-curses and them being so done with everything

Good times for a change See, the luck I've had Can make a good man Turn bad

So please, please, please Let me, let me, let me Let me get what I want This time

- Lonely Boy - Nico 

- Fantasy - indulging all their visions... the mist, etc. 

- Stupid Cupid - Nico and Cupid (of course)

Stupid Cupid you're a real mean guy (stupid Cupid) I'd like to clip your wings so you can't fly (stupid Cupid) I'm in love and it's a crying shame (stupid Cupid) And I know that you're the one to blame (stupid Cupid)

Hey hey, set me free Stupid Cupid stop picking on me

- Suzanne - still Nico, looking over at the couple (sorry... all the mopey songs)

- Dream A Little Dream of Me - dreams... also Percy’s wishes of the future

Stars shining bright above you Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you" Birds singing in the sycamore tree Dream a little dream of me

- Our Day Will Come - I think Annabeth says a line almost like this? somewhere at the end of HOH, I think when they’ve just gotten out of Tartarus and are all sitting together, like haven’t they had enough? won’t their day finally come?

Our day will come If we just wait a while No tears for us Think love and wear a smile Our dreams have magic because We'll always stay In love this way

- Call Me - all of them! also Nico and Reyna, just being there for each other

Tell me and I'll be around Now don't forget me 'cause if you let me I will always stay by you You've got to trust me, that's how it must be

- Nobody - Nico... oh buddy 

Venus, planet of love Was destroyed by global warming Did its people want too much too? Did its people want too much?

And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me Guess I'm a coward I just want to feel alright

- I’m a Believer - Jason and Piper

I thought love was only true in fairy tales Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer Not a trace of doubt in my mind

- Summertime - Piper singing and it being the end of summer

- Happy Trails - more singing ( I want to include the songs actually mentioned!)

- The End of the World - the big battle!!

Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don't they know it's the end of the world? 'Cause you don't love me any more

- Too Late To Turn Back Now - departing with Festus (I think Leo almost says this too!)

- Here Comes The Sun - day comes, the Athena Parthenos is back

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here

- Walking On Sunshine - Will Solace

- Evil Woman - Gaea fight

Evil woman, how you done me wrong But now you're tryin' to wail a different song Ha, ha, funny, how you broke me up You made the wine, now you drink a cup I came runnin' every time you cried Thought I saw love smilin' in your eyes Ha, ha, very nice to know That you ain't got no place left to go

- Seven Wonders - the seven! also traveling the world... making it this far

If I live to see the seven wonders I'll make a path to the rainbow's end I'll never live to match the beauty again The rainbow's edge

- This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) - to me this is just after Annabeth and Percy’s kiss, shots of everyone back to camp, wides of people running around, new cabins under construction, the sun is shining, the camera pulls out 

Loving you is some kind of wonderful Because you showed me just how much you care You've given me the thrill of a lifetime And made me believe you've got more thrills to spare, oh!

- Love Makes the World Go Round - like the end credits! last pov with Piper, love makes it all happen

Without love flowers wouldn't grow in the spring And without spring, yeah the birdies just couldnt sing Everybody needs love to watch the twinkling stars above It makes a boy and girl, Say they feel so fine, now

[seeingteacupsindragons]

(Answering publicly as an ask with permission)

For screenreaders, the text reads:

Hello! Sorry to bother you again... You've mentioned quite a lot of times that you're learning japanese and I see you're even able to read manga in the original text(kudos to you for that!) I'm an aspiring japanese learner myself-I've recently mastered all the hiragana and katakana, but I'm kind of clueless how to continue from there, since I'm studying on my own. Do you maybe have any tips on what I could tackle next? Sorry that I couldn't send this as an ask. Unfortunately tumblr isn't really cooperating with me today. Thanks a lot in advance!

This is going to be a long story, because: this is actually the third time I’ve tried learning Japanese.

The first time, my parents bought me a (I’m told very expensive) program for Christmas when I was twelve to learn Japanese at home--it came with a bunch of CDs and books and things. It was a lot like all of the materials for a foreign language course, at home.

But I was twelve and didn’t know what I was doing, and had no support or encouragement from anyone else, just a desire to learn, so it didn’t end up really working out. I remember some of the info from the books, but honestly, it just didn’t work for me. I didn’t really even know how to use any of the stuff.

In college, I made it through three semesters of Japanese. I learned a lot there, but it, again, didn’t quite work. I had my classmates and a couple friends, a teacher, but I have never been motivated by grades, and there just wasn’t much of a reason to keep on.

Anyway, years later, JR happened, and I desperately wanted to read them, but I was nowhere near close to being able to tackle that. At all. So I picked up Duolingo and found that my Japanese from college was coming back to me, and that was pretty cool, but it’s not like I was getting anywhere. JR is much too high a level for me to really take a crack at.

And then I ran out of YuuMori scans.

This was back in...November? The end of October? When only up to chapter 27 had been translated, and a new chapter was getting uploaded in English every month or two. And I was dying, because I’d been reading like a volume a night and other people were definitely going to accidentally spoil things for me and I hate spoilers.

But a couple of my friends who are fluent in Japanese were reading it that way, and after I saw a couple screenshots, I noticed that everything had furigana in it, and after some puzzling with a dictionary, I could figure out some of the speech bubbles, because I still remembered my kana from college! Cool! I asked one if they thought I could manage is, and she was encouraging, so after a week of debating, I went and bought volume seven so I could keep reading.

This has been going much better, and I’ve been learning far more Japanese than I have before.

Why this time?

I have a really good reason to keep reading (YuuMori, yay! Fan comics! Random stuff from Japanese people on twitter!) that I can actually hope to mostly manage because it’s not too high a level for me to make it through (although...the politics in YuuMori is...rough.)

I have friends who are fluent in Japanese this time (did not have that before--I could ask the Japanese TAs in college, but we weren’t friends, so it always felt awkward). I can ask them for help, they correct me when I get things wrong, and sometimes I pop into their DMs like “Hey, I keep finding this weird grammar bit that I don’t understand and isn’t in the dictionary, what does it mean?” And since I’m livetweeting, if they see I got something very off, they’ll comment and go, “Hey, actually....” or will help if I’m totally confused.

One of them is a Japanese to English translator, so she gave me the recommendation for the Japanese to English dictionary I’m using (which is super useful, omg), and a browser extension, which is also really helpful.

Plus, having multilingual friends is really nice when I’m like “Hey, this part of learning a language is like...normal, right? It’s a good sign, not a sign I’m a total disaster?” and they can reassure me because I’m anxious.

Another friend also recommended this book called All About Particles, which has been useful for that part of Japanese that I reference a lot. Another recommended I pick up Learning the Kanji but I haven’t gotten around to that just yet.

I have a couple friends who are also not quite fluent who I DM back and forth in Japanese from time to time, which helps up both practice, too. Having a reason to really use the language is incredibly necessary for me. After all, language is a communication tool, right?

There’s also this cool website I found a few weeks ago that I haven’t had a chance to use yet called https://learnnatively.com/. It ranks Japanese books and manga on their difficulty, so you can buy and try to read them (after all, that’s how little kids in Japan learn Japanese--isn’t it?).

Another thing I was doing all fall and winter, but have mostly stopped now, was taking out a notebook (my old Japanese notebook, lol), and diagramming out the sentences. Okay, sure, I could look up words in the dictionary, but I needed to figure out how they fit together. So I would write them out in order with the particles, look up the conjugations and particles on google, and then note that, and then piece together how all the words fit together.

I don’t need to do that so much anymore (although it would probably be helpful, lol). But then, I’m very gifted with grammar and always have been. A couple of my friends who are fluent have commented they’re very impressed by how fast I’ve picked up the Japanese grammar, and even my mother was like, “Yeah, you’ve always been good at that since you were little...” And discussing some linguistic things with my friend who has a Master’s in translation led to her asking me if I’d studied it because I said things that she’d heard there, which..well, no, it just made sense to me.

So. I have that going for me, too.

There’s also tons of podcasts and YouTube series and things like that designed to help learning Japanese...that’s not really how I learn, so I haven’t been using them and can’t give any recs. But they’re certainly out there!

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing, and it’s been going pretty well, all things considered.

I hope this helped, and if not, was at least sort of interesting to read.