#which like. REALLY sucks. because it's been almost 4 weeks since Last Update and it would likely need another one or two more

[musical-chick-13]

I need to. Take a break. From this.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 3.5.2024

So, Polynya, did you finish the fanfic? Well...sort of? No. No, I guess the answer is actually no.

Last week, I said I had two and a half scenes left, one of which was the epilogue, and one scene I wanted to rewrite. I wrote the scene and a half that were not the epilogue, and then I tried to do that scene re-write. It came out better than it was, but I still didn't love it. I figured I would just go ahead and write the epilogue and then maybe come back and try again. 3/4 of the epilogue went great, and then I just couldn't manage to end it, and got stuck for three days. I went back and tried to re-write that scene I didn't like *again*, and barely got into before realizing that the way I was hoping to make it better did not, in fact. Yesterday, after Much Struggle, I managed to pull together an end to epilogue with is...okay...but I don't love it. So the current state of things is: 107,408 words, and it is strictly speaking, A Whole-ass Fanfic, but with two half-scenes that I hate.

It's really frustrating, because I had a bunch of productive weeks in a row, and my brain has just utterly collapsed on me in the eleventh hour. I've been trying so hard to push it over the finish line, but it's one of those things where I can't just brute force it, I need to somehow have a good idea. I am also so so tired this week. I know, logically, that probably I just need to relax and rest up for a few days and this will be easy to fix when I am feeling better, but it's hard to relax when I have this stupid almost-but-not-quite-done fanfic hanging over my head.

Here are some other stupid facts:

The scenes in question are important and I want them to be good, but they aren't exactly load-bearing, in the sense that nothing else depends on them

I don't even *need* the epilogue, and in fact, after I realized that I end all my Heart is a Muscle fics with people drinking (not on purpose, I'm just unoriginal), it made me want to drop the whole thing on principle (except that I also don't because it's sort of a thematic lead-in to the next story in the series and also Ukitake is there)

The two problem scenes are way at the end of the fanfic. When I do start posting this thing, I plan to post one chapter per week like I often do, meaning that I have literal months to fix these

Chapter 1 is beta'd and ready to go and literally nothing is stopping me from posting it this very second

BUT I don't want to post Chapter 1 until my beta has seen the whole fic because what if she notices something in Chapter 12 that needs to be fixed back in Chapter 1

AND literally nothing is stopping me from just sending my beta the last few chapters with a little note on the scenes I'm not happy with. It's highly possible she might have some ideas! Or just be like "you are insane these are fine"!

EXCEPT I don't want her to see my bad writing that I am embarrassed about

And so, here we are. I am probably going to give it another day or two, and if I can't manage to fix those two scenes, I'll just suck it up and send the rest to her.

I guess I also should re-do the banner, except I don't feel like re-doing the banner. It's....okay. I don't know. I just kind of slapped it together based on a thing we were doing at Art Club. Maybe I don't even want a banner.

Speaking of Art Club, it's March now, which meant there was a new theme at Art Club (nature) and I decided to try to get back into my daily drawing. I think this is possibly what killed my momentum on my fanfic. I am just literally only capable of having one priority at a time, even if it's a little tiny one, otherwise my brain just plays tug of war with my priorities and it's hard to manage either of them.

Anyway, I've been in kinda rough shape for the last few days, but I am sure it will pass. It's got some good bits, but I think I just never really managed to fall in love with this one, and I'm really worried about it getting a cooler reception than I'm used to, since the fandom seems to have quieted down significantly since the last time I posted one of these. On the other hand, I've worked too hard on this to not post it. Also, it's got some stuff in it that had to happen for the series to progress. And maybe other people will like it! Who knows! Not me!!

I had hoped to be able to start posting it this week, but that's not looking likely at this point, so I guess you can have another preview.

--- from Ch 3

"You really didn't have to go to all this trouble," Rukia pointed out, as she methodically piled her bowl with a heaping serving of everything on offer.

Renji grabbed a big pinch of the shirasu before passing it over to her. "It's fine. I'm not sure when I'll be up for cooking again, so I'm trying to clean out my fridge."

"Oh, so I'm helping?"

Renji grinned. "Sure."

"I love helping! If you need me to take this pickled ginger with me, I could take it off your hands."

"I think the pickles will probably keep for a bit."

"Hmmph," Rukia replied skeptically, and scooped some more into her bowl.

It was always difficult not to just sit and watch Rukia eat, in part because she truly did have an extraordinary talent for shoveling food into her mouth, but mostly because it reminded Renji of why they had come to the Seireitei in the first place, of how lucky he was these days. You have to go to work, too, this morning, he reminded himself, and dug in.

"You know, speaking of helping…" Rukia said a few minutes later, once she'd managed to eat enough to shave the edge of her morning ravenousness. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

The pleasant feelings in Renji's chest abruptly turned cold and gloppy. He frowned, and raised one eyebrow skeptically. “Yeah?”

Rukia looked up at him with her big, stupidly blue eyes. “Do you remember when we talked about how important it was for you to have a comfortable and peaceful recovery from your surgery?”

“I do. I distinctly remember asking you to drop it and not bring it up, again, actually.”

“Right, well, I never actually agreed to that. I think that you should come stay at my house.”

Renji gave her an incredulous look. “Your house? Kuchiki Manor, you mean? Your house that is actually my captain’s house?”

“It’s very nice there, as you know. The food really is very good and we have a million servants with nothing better to do--”

“I am sure they have better things to do, Rukia.”

“--and you can sit in a sunny spot in the garden and I’ll read you books and it will be so much nicer than staying in the Coordinated Relief Station!”

Renji heaved a huge, exasperated sigh. “It’s a nice idea, Rukia, but think about the look on Captain’s face if you even--”

“He said it was okay.”

Renji felt all the blood run out of his face, possibly out of his body entirely. “You asked him?”

“I know you’re only getting it done because he ordered you to. He obviously wants you to do your best to heal up well. He cares about you, too, you know, in his own way.” 

Renji stiffened, his fingers tightening on his chopsticks. “You probably told him the whole story, then? How I broke my arm in the first place?” His voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away.

“Not the whole thing!" Rukia shook her head vehemently. "He knows you broke it saving me, that's the only important part.”

Renji drew in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. All he could focus on was the sound of his own blood pounding in his ears. “Why do you always have to do this?” he finally managed through gritted teeth. “I asked you to just leave it, but you never can.”

Rukia shoved out her lower lip. “Maybe if you took care of yourself half as well as you take care of everyone else, I would!” she protested. “Just let me spoil you for a few days, would it be so terrible?”

“Yes.”

[sanderssideswriting]

Kind of suck that jacksepticeye can make a comicbook base of his egos in the year 2023; but Thomas can’t! It’s been what; almost 3? 4? Years since the last big episode? Thomas can make other videos and other shows, wouldn’t making a comic be easier or less time consuming? It could give the fans a statistical ending.

So I don’t know anything about Jack and his egos. But that is VERY cool he made a comic for it and I hope that continues in some way shape or form.

Thomas making a comic or something might be better. But he’s still not finished part 4 of the finale. I don’t know much about comis other then like, you draw stuff and whatever. But that’d also take a lot of time. Finding artists, having thrm draw it, approve it, reject it, make changes. Like no matter what he foes it will take time.

Which is understandable with everything going on. I just wish there was a little more transparency in it instead of random teasers and updates where he says he’s still writing. Which fine, I get that. But does he have to write it all now?

To pull an example from my own life. I wrote a fic in another fandom. The planning everything took months alone. Then I prewrite like 15 chapters before I posted the first which allowed me to be able to post consistently while staying ahead. And I did gave to take a break in the middle for reasons. In which I told my readers “hey, I’ll be taking a break for the next month or two and will be using some of that time to get ahead again” because I’d not written a chapter in weeks and was getting to the end of my backlog. My “plan” for if I lost motivation for that fic or other fics and I abandon them I’ll make the last chapter telling people what would’ve happened. I hate cliffhangers and it’d be better then nothing.

Thomas has written a significant portion. Why can’t he begin filming and also write the last part? Why can’t he be a little more transparent with what’s going on? Or stop making timelines he doesn’t follow.

I don’t know if a comic would be faster, I don’t make comics. Tbh I don’t really care if it would make the process faster. Thomas’s chosen medium is video formats. Every process to make a “proper” finale will take time. That’s just life.

And I’m fine with waiting, he can take his time. I just wish he was a little more transparent about how everything is coming along. Just like, a little more. Like “hey everyone! Part one is nearly done!” “Hey everyone have a lot more projects so the finale is going on the hack burner.” “Hey! I have a new series coming out that I’m so excited for! I’m on the last part of the finale, it may take some time to finish, but it’ll get done eventually.” And so on. Instead of like “part one will be out by [date]”

[jpbradley]

JP aten't ded [pancreatitis update]

So for those who don't know me; in 2022 I almost died of pancreatitis, it was a bad time. I was put in a coma and was saved by the hard work of the doctors, nurses and support staff of the NHS. I spent 4 1/2 months in hospital relearning how to walk and eat and over the past year have had a bunch of cool complications from that event.

We never really found out the cause and since then pancreatitis has continued to loom over me. Every time I eat and feel anything unexpected in my abdomen I am hypervigilant that my pancreatitis is returning and that I'll be hospitalised again.

Last week that fear became a reality. That also might end up being a good thing.

My experience of pancreatitis begins with back pain. I'm pushing 40 by this point and back pain is hardly uncommon for people my age, but this is constant, cannot be relieved by changing position and ultimately feels like a knife being driven into a tight knot in the back. This persists until it becomes impossible to sleep through the discomfort.

This is the symptom that woke me up last week. In the middle of the night I felt it combined with a stabbing pain in my abdomen, followed by vomiting; and remembered with terrible clarity the weeks of that pain I endured before my first admission. I woke my wife and, terrified, resolved to go to A&E.

At the hospital we went through the standard gamut of blood tests which confirmed that something was going on, and I sat in urgent treatment waiting for a bed to free up. The NHS is an institution under resourced by a government that seeks to destroy it and replace it with medical insurance that would force most working class people into debt so crushing they could never escape it.

As such the wait is long, and I spend a good chunk of it on the floor in a side room because every other position is worse. They don't have an answer for what I have yet (spoilers; it's pancreatitis) and so they can't prescribe pain relief. So I wait. My wife waits with me and I have to look up at her stricken face as she looks down at me powerless to do anything to help.

Being ill sucks and the toll it takes on the people who love you is terrible.

Eventually I have a CT scan (abdominal pelvis with contrast for you radiology fans out there) and a while later am moved into a cubicle where a doctor finally administers IV morphine. The feeling is fuzzy, the relief immediate. My abdomen still hurts a lot, the muscles strained from the vomiting, but the tension I had been unable to release from my body flows out of me and I fall asleep.

At one point I wake up and my wife is asleep in the chair beside me with her head laid by my side on the gurney. I feel grateful and guilty for putting her through this.

From there I eventually get moved to a surgical unit. It's here that we learn that after over a year of speculation we finally have a root cause for my pancreatitis; gall stones. Getting in early and not waiting until my condition for worse means we caught the gallbladder in the act. Motherf-

Sometimes the gallbladder produces stones and sometimes those stones interact with the pancreatic duct, causing the pancreas to decide the world is ending and move all of it's stocks into burning the gaff down. Their own gaff, where they fucking live. It is a dumb and anxious organ. I can relate.

The result was that a few days ago I had a very sexy cholecystectomy. As you can guess that's them taking the gallbladder out, in this case via keyhole surgery which has left me very tender but massively reduced my time to discharge from hospital. The doctor on ward rounds gave me the option of discharge the following day before he went away and spoke with his consultant who said; "Have you seen his history? Not a fucking chance, tell him he's staying" (I assume).

So is that it? Gallbladder gone and pancreatitis no more? Well- Maybe.

Pancreatitis isn't well understood. Gallstones are indicated and the most likely cause of pancreatitis in me. Other causes could be alcohol; which some doctors love to bring up as their pet theory, or cholesterol. Studies are ongoing into pancreatitis (my medical records are part of one of them) to understand the causes and also the varied survival rates among severe pancreatitis sufferers. So with that said there is a possibility it could return and despite everything I have to be constantly vigilant to make sure I am ready if it does.

Which brings us to the last thing I want to talk about, which is living with pancreatitis.

On the grand scale of things my living adjustment for pancreatitis is quite tolerable; I have to take synthetic pancreatin with every meal which allows my body to process things like fat and complex carbohydrates. I also no longer have a gall bladder, this means my body doesn't have a reserve of bile which is used to break down fat as it passes into the large intestine. As such for the next few weeks I need to be on a low fat diet and slowly introduce fats to build up a tolerance.

More difficult for me is the uncertainty around my body. I've never lived a particularly healthy life but before my illness I at least felt like I understood it. Where it hurt, what was wrong, how to know how to communicate that. These days my stomach gurgles and I find myself performing an itinerary of everything I've eaten to see if there's something in there that might cause me to suddenly collapse.

The uncertainty is draining but the vigilance I feel is worth it, and if there's one thing to take away from all of this it's; if you can please don't wait until it's unbearable to get help, please go early if you can and if it's nothing at least rule it out.

If you read all of this; thank you! I really appreciate it.

I just needed to get it out somewhere and because resources can be a little difficult to find/confusing about pancreatitis please feel free to ask if you have any questions and I will answer as best I can about my experience with the illness.

[veirsewrites]

Writing Update

Look at me doing 2 updates in one month.

Summary:

Decided on how to handle personality types.

Chapter 2 ending scenes got longer.

From Within is on an indefinite hold.

I wrote a crap ton underneath if anyone is curious~

Firs point- I’ve mentally solidified how I’m going to handle personality and possibly flirtation types. The player’s inclination will be set at the end of chapter 3, which is before you decide which path to follow. I’ll still have different types of dialogue choices but if it’s not in line with your established personality, the other characters will be like “whoa, nice!MC, didn’t expect you to be an asshole.” The three personality types being nice, asshole and apathetic (I know, what a range). It's kind of the same with flirtation styles- bold and subtle (because I’m sorry but describing an old powerful vampire as timid and shy feels wrong. Subtle and withholding feels better.) My one hesitation is that there’s not too many places to flirt with different styles because I don’t want to force flirty scenes where it doesn’t feel natural. Or, if you flirt with no one in the first 3 chapters, I'll align a flirt style with one of the personalities (if you didn't flirt with anyone then all of the sudden decide to or something, not sure yet.)

Next on the docket is the ending of chapter 2. I said I was about halfway done writing last time, but would probably add more. And I did, in fact, add more. It's the ending scenes, I’ve been working on them for a while .There’s at least 12 variations of the scene and damn, if I’m not getting worn out by it. I do my best to channel the emotions I’m writing and these scenes are trying me lol. So anyways, I’m almost done with one branch, which has 4 variations. Then I need to write 2 more branches, each with 4 variations of their own. This is all with Arlo/Aida. I'm also considering adding some with another character.

---

Another update but on From Within! Someone commented on waiting for Chapter 3 so I thought I should address it.

I’ve been debating on what to do with this. I love the characters but there’s some problems with the plot: the first half is fine, but the second half and my ability to keep Leo relevant is wavering. Originally, when I planned this story, it was going to be two books. The second book taking place on the Homeworld where Leo would’ve been a main part. But the storyline for that was weak and I couldn’t see how to get a full book out of it without it just sucking. I’ve decided to scrap that and make it one story. Now I’m left with little Leo in my hand and trying to decide what to do with him. I love writing him and I don’t really wanna throw him out. So I’m adjusting the second half to be more contained and have better reasons for keeping him. He originally would’ve been present for the last quarter of the book, but now I’m thinking of bringing him in earlier, like the first half. I need to adjust some events and really think of how I want to end it and how it works without the second book.

TLDR: If it wasn’t already obvious, From Within will be on hold for an indeterminate amount of time.

My main focus will be on Water to Blood and I probably won’t think hard about From Within until that’s over. I’ve also written other story ideas that I would be more inclined to start before deep diving back to FWI. But it really does depend on how I feel. I had actually fleshed out and outlined a different story before Water to Blood that I was going to focus on but then decided to do vampires instead. Even had set up a blog but its since been forgotten.

Anyways, hope everyone has a nice week!

[adhd-disaster-willie]

you’re the one that brings the sun; chapter 5/6

chapter 1, 2, 3, 4

warnings: swearing

word count: 2,757

notes: okay so this update took a while because I’ve been busy with school and writers block has been kicking my ass, but I think it’s worth it :)))

---

It was established in August that at least once a month, Alex will receive a phone call informing him to be at Julie’s house in ten minutes for a mandatory slumber party. It’s endearing sure, but he would like some sort of warning other than Luke calling him and saying that if he doesn’t show up as soon as possible, he’ll paint his drumsticks neon green. So that’s how Alex ends up sitting cross legged on Julie’s bed, putting Reggie’s hair into a bunch of tiny braids and watching The Princess Diaries for what’s probably the hundredth time. 

“Lilly is definitely a lesbian,” Flynn says through a mouthful of popcorn. 

Alex hums in agreement and Julie nods. “If only this movie weren’t made in 2001,” Julie says mournfully.

“Y’know I always thought that Joe was gay,” Alex admits. “Up until he dances with the queen.”

Reggie attempts to look up at Alex, earning an offended squeak from the latter. “Really?”

“Yes, now will you please stay still, I only have one more left.”

“Ok but there is no way Mia’s mom is straight!” Flynn says.

Julie seems to mull it over for a bit. “She does live in an old fire station. And artists are never straight.”

“Yea, like Willie!” Luke pipes up, sitting up from his position hanging halfway off the bed. “Willie’s not straight.”

“We should start a betting pool on how long it takes for Luke to bring up Willie,” Alex mumbles, his cheeks flushing pink. He ties off Reggie’s final braid and pats his head approvingly. “You look like a real princess.”

“Do I?” Reggie grins up at him with a bit of a twinkle in his eye and Alex chuckles. 

“No subject changing,” Luke protests. “How’s Willie doing?”

“Still a pining idiot,” Flynn answers with a cheeky smile. 

“I’m trying to watch the movie.” Alex shoves at Luke’s face and slides down off the bed to sit on the floor beside Reggie. 

“You’ve seen this movie a million times,” Luke points out. He leans down so his head is hanging off the edge of the bed and smirks mischievously at Alex, who is pointedly refusing to look at him. “Aleeeex,” Luke whines. “Don’t be a buzzkill.”

“Alice, please,” Flynn says. Alex shoots her a look seeping with betrayal and Flynn raises their hands defensively. “I haven’t seen Carrie in a few days!” They protest. “I need drama.”

“Drama?” Alex asks. “Or blackmail material?”

Flynn shrugs, which only serves to cement what Alex was thinking. “Yea, nope. It’s not like anything has even happened since-” He cuts himself off, realizing his mistake and preparing for the onslaught of questions. 

“Since!?” Luke cries. “Since what?!” He grabs Alex’s face roughly and looks at him with wide eyes. “Since what, Alex?”

“Nothing!” Alex squeaks, wrenching himself from Luke’s grasp. “Nothing! It was- let go of my fanny pack! Julie stop filming!!!” Alex swats at Luke’s hands and attempts to leap forward to grab Julie’s phone, but ultimately fails. 

“I’ll let go if you tell me,” Luke teases in a sing song voice, his grin only growing the more Alex fights. 

“Fine! If you just- sorry Reg the puppy-dog eyes only work on Luke and Bobby.” Reggie sighs in disappointment and Alex finally manages to get Luke off of him, huffing angrily and brushing nonexistent dust from his hoodie. “You’re a barbarian,” he mutters.

“Well?” 

Alex responds to Julie’s prompting with a long-suffering sigh. “You have to promise not to make fun of me,” he says. They don’t promise. The movie is long forgotten as Alex’s friends gather around him, looking all too fascinated by his latest embarrassment. “He well… don’t laugh, ok. He wore a crop top last week and I tripped on my own feet and scraped up my knees.”

Flynn raises an eyebrow. “Nuh uh, there’s more, spill.”

Alex groans, burying his face in his hands. “They got all worried and started putting bandaids on my knees and I almost fainted. Then- please don’t make me say this,” Alex pleads, looking to Julie as if she’s his last hope. She shakes her head. “When they finished lecturing me I just looked at him and said ‘nice shirt’ and ran off. Nice shirt??? What is wrong with me?”

“Wait a minute,” Julie says, gesturing for Alex to pause. “You just… ran off? Where?”

Alex doesn’t say anything. 

“I’ll paint your drumsticks if you don’t tell us,” Luke threatens. The difficulty is that Alex doesn’t doubt him one bit, and knows that Julie has a healthy supply of paint in a drawer just a few feet away from Luke. 

Alex mumbles something under his breath and Reggie pokes him. 

“Sorry what was that? Speak up.”

“Orange, I’ll paint them the ugliest shade of orange ever.”

“I went and hid in my closet!” Alex blurts. “For like an hour. I am never going to live that down.”

“That’s… incredibly ironic,” Julie laughs. 

“I’m telling that story at your wedding.”

“Reginald, don’t even think about it!” Alex kicks Reggie lightly and raises his hand to flip off the other three, who are all dying of laughter. “I hate all of you. I need new friends.”

“Good luck with that.” Flynn pats Alex’s head; he can practically hear their stupid smirk. 

“Fuck off.”

“No.”

---

Alex wakes up with his foot in Luke’s face, one arm thrown over Julie, his face in Reggie’s neck, and a very giggly Flynn perched on the end of the bed taking pictures. He sits up and murmurs sleepily, squinting in the oddly hazy room.

It’s gray and gloomy outside, quite fitting for mid-November, but far from Alex’s ideal weather. He’s always been partial to spring, when it’s not too hot and not too cold and not always cloudy and sad. 

Flynn hops off the bed and onto Julie’s chair, where she spins a couple times before turning her phone to show Alex. “This is gonna be my new lockscreen,” they giggle. Alex stares at the photo, baffled as to how his arm was bent like that. 

Breakfast is heaps of pancakes and fresh coffee (bless you, Ray) that for a moment, Alex considers just dumping over his head. Julie is curled around Luke for warmth throughout the whole morning and Flynn makes a point to gag at least once every 5 minutes. Alex knows she’s happy for them though, they finally got their act together a little over a week ago and at least this is better than the pining. Alex doesn’t say that though, because it will only get him a lecture on how he is not one to talk about pining. 

Alex almost thanks a god he doesn’t believe in anymore when the rain outside doesn’t seem to make any moves into thunderstorm territory. Willie hates thunderstorms. He stays cocooned in a blanket until noon, but eventually Tía Victoria shoos them all out, claiming that Julie will never finish her homework with them all glued to her. 

Alex is sopping wet when he finally arrives at his dorm, sadly no car can go right up to the entrance of the dorms. The first thing Alex notices when he walks in is the candles, and the second thing is the haphazardly thrown together fort in the middle of the room, which he narrowly avoids tripping over. “Willie?” He asks, lifting what he assumes to be the entrance and raising an eyebrow at Willie, who is grinning at him and shining a flashlight in his face.

“Ok, get that out of my eyes.” Alex clamps a hand over the light and Willie sticks his tongue out. “Did the power go out?” Alex asks, worry etching over his face. He can’t have all their food being ruined, with Alex living off his coffee shop job and Willie off of the occasional commission and odd check from his eccentric uncle. 

Willie shakes their head. “Nope.”

“So why the… candles?”

“It’s fun!” Willie pulls Alex into the fort, stumbling back and just barely evading them toppling over each other into a quite compromising position. Willie presses his back against the couch and pats the space next to him. “It’s like you’re a little kid again.”

“Luke used to love making forts,” Alex admits. “We would move all the furniture in his living room and make the absolute worst blanket forts you can imagine. Like seriously, it’s no wonder none of us went into architecture.”

“Really? I can totally see you as an architect”

“That’s…”

“I’m joking, hotdog,” Willie giggles, bumping their shoulder together. He has a tendency to raise his eyebrows when he’s amused; Alex finds it all too endearing. Accompanied with the way their eyes crinkle when the laugh and the soft candlelight leaking through the thin blankets and draping over his features, Alex thinks he’s having trouble breathing. 

“I was drawing you, y’know,” Willie says softly after a few minutes of silence.

“Hmm?”

“The day we went stargazing, I was drawing you. You’re- you’re a good muse.”

“Oh.” Alex’s stomach flutters. “I uh… thank you.” He gives Willie a hesitant smile before turning to focus on the flickering light. His breath feels weighted, like every exhale means something, but he can’t quite pinpoint what. There’s a light breeze whistling through the crack in the door and Alex closes his eyes for a moment, pretending that it’s wrapping around him and holding him close. Alex didn’t get much affection as a child; his parents had always been very stiff. Sure, they loved him, but they weren’t that good at showing it aside from a rough shoulder squeeze and tight smiles so full of expectations. When he came out, even the snippets of affection faded; no more of his mother fixing his hair or giving him a quick kiss on the forehead when he was sick. Two months after his coming out, they just… kicked him out. He came home to find his belongings shoved carelessly into a trash bag or two and that was that. Luke more than made up for the lack of physical affection, but Alex knows that there will always be something missing. 

Wide awake, Alex lets his head fall onto Willie’s shoulder. This time with care and attention, hesitancy. He hears Willie suck in a sharp breath but then the tension melts from their shoulders and fizzles into nothingness. For a moment, there is nothing but them and the pattering of rain against the windows. 

“Lets go for a drive.”

Alex looks up expecting Willie’s usual carefree and impish grin, but he’s taken aback by his wistful expression and something bursts in Alex’s chest. Something that may be instinct and may be just an overwhelming surge of emotion.

“Okay.” His voice is barely a whisper, a single wisp of smoke snaking from a blown out candle.

The air is damp and the rain is coming down hard; Alex reaches a cautious hand out beyond the awning and winces at the downpour. But Willie is wiggling his stupid eyebrows in the way that makes Alex’s face heat and he can’t say no as Willie drags him through the wet grass, shrieking with laughter and going slower than necessary to relish in the water pouring down from the sky in torrents. They’re soaked to the bone and breathless, overflowing with mirth, by the time they reach Alex’s car and clamber into the seats. Right after a brief argument about who’s driving of course. (“You will not be touching my steering wheel with your grimy paint hands, William.” “Says you.”) So Alex is driving. 

Willie has their hands pressed to the window, breath fogging up the glass and sending them into a fit of giggles every time. Alex switches on the radio and there’s a song playing that he recognizes but couldn’t sing along to; something soft and low, like lilting waves. Willie knows it though. And they’re singing. Oh. They’re singing. Alex almost has to pull the car to a stop and put his head in his hands because Willie never told him he could sing.

Willie’s voice is low and slightly raspy, but not in a bad way. Alex knows he’s heard this song before, but he’s 100% certain that this is his first time really hearing it. And it’s beautiful. Or maybe it’s just Willie. It’s probably just Willie. 

Alex brings the car to a slow stop in the parking lot of an odd gas station that always seems to be closed. He doesn’t turn it off though, because he would rather die than have Willie stop singing. He leans his head back and breathes, certain he’s inhaling Willie’s voice. Willie’s voice which is like sparks on his skin, like smoke that crowds his lungs and opens his soul for the very first time. He feels a sense of mourning when the song stops and something else comes on, something peppier and sickeningly sweet. He switches the radio off. 

“I didn’t know you could sing.” Alex isn’t even looking at them; he’s fiddling nervously with the strap of his fanny pack.

Willie smirks proudly. “You learn something new every day.”

“Yea.”

Willie traces a heart in the fog on the window and lets it sit there. Then he unbuckles his seat belt and pokes Alex’s shoulder. “Hey ‘Lex, come on.”

“No.” Alex shakes his head vigorously. “No. We’re already soaking wet and-”

“Hot dog.”

And damn it, the nickname may be so incredibly stupid but Alex has such a weird soft spot for it. He groans dramatically, making a point to wring out his hair, which is already mostly dry at this point. “You’re the worst. What if it starts thundering?” 

Willie shrugs. “I have my noise cancelling headphones. And you can-” they cut themself off. 

“I can what?”

“Nothing,” Willie squeaks. “Please. Please.”

So Alex climbs reluctantly from the car and stands in the parking lot looking far from amused. “You owe me.”

Willie laughs loudly, grabbing both of Alex’s hands and spinning him in an aimless circle, pulling them both into a dance  to music that’s only in his head. They twirl Alex around several times, and Alex is certain that he’s going to actually fall over and faint. Willie raises his face to the sky and squints, letting the rain soak him without care. Alex is in awe and how open and free Willie is, like nothing can ever go wrong and if it does they’ll always be flying. He doesn’t realized they’ve stopped dancing until Willie turns to him with a curious expression. Their eyes rake over his face and Alex realizes he’s staring. But for once, he doesn’t look away. And for the first time, he sees the corner of Willie’s mouth quirk up and their eyes flick to his lips and even linger there for a brief second. 

The rain doesn’t seem to have plans to stop anytime soon, and they’re both shivering and wet and Willie’s hair is dangling in front of his face. Alex reaches out and tucks it behind his ear, both of them holding a breath, waiting. It’s right there, right in front of him, and Alex is inches from just grasping it and clutching it to his chest. Willie takes a step forward so their faces are just inches from each other and Alex can feel their breath against his cheeks. He exhales shakily and raises one hand to cup Willie’s cheek, his touch feather light and afraid. Willie leans into the contact and grins upwards, their nose wrinkling fondly. He gives a silent nod and for the first time in years, Alex takes the plunge. 

Their first kiss is soft and slow and Willie tastes like rain and green tea. Alex smiles against their lips, a breathy laugh escaping his own. He’d think this is a dream, but no section of his imagination could conjure something even a fragment as magical as this. They’re in the middle of a parking lot, cold and wet, and yet Alex feels the warmest he ever has. Alex is hesitant to pull away, but he does, just barely. Their foreheads stay resting against each other, like breaking apart would break them. Then it comes crashing into him. Alex just kissed Willie. He just kissed Willie. And Willie kissed him back! Holy shit!

“Wowza.” Wowza? What the fuck Alex? 

Willie breaks into joyous laughter, throwing his head back and clutching Alex’s shoulders. And Alex laughs with him; he buries his face in the crook of Willie’s neck, his heart full to bursting. Wowza indeed.

---

notes: ...I did say I was thinking about a Willex rain kiss. I actually wrote like half of chapter 6 a while ago so I might be able to post it tomorrow. 

chapter 6

taglist:  @thatsanewflavor @spookiest-sapphic @dovesgrangers @julie-n-phantoms @frostknyte @thegaylink @nervousmiracletrash @crummycassidy @fairygclds @reallyintrospectivepeople @madsmax-37 @swamp-acad @kat-maybe-not @sunsetcurve123 @lookingthroughmirrors @queer-fandom-enby @over-under-through1 @willex-n-waffles @caliibee @stars-soph @herequeerandcantdrinkbeer @nickalicious @andwhenwepart @maizsnex @fanofthepod @heademptynothoughts @thunderstorm-symphony @julieandthephantomsandme @i-spit-on-fire

[peralta-guaranteed]

hc or ficlet of teddy proposing you amy again but this time jake decides enough is enough

(Read it on AO3)

“You’re probably wondering why I called you here.” Charles says in a deep, low voice.

“Are we not just having drinks?” Jake asks as he hands Rosa her beer and Charles his fruity rosé-tinted cocktail with a berry garnish.

“No! There are far more pressing matters at hand!”

Jake and Rosa clink their bottles together before the first sip, waiting for Charles to continue on his dramatic tangent, as he needs to do sometimes.

“Amy is going to a seminar in Staten Island next week.” He gives them both a deep stare.

“You might be surprised, bud, but I do know that.”

“Teddy is also going to that seminar.”

Jake stops mid-drink.

“I did not know that.”

“Neither does Amy.” Rosa cuts in. “Or she definitely woulda mentioned it.”

“He’s actually attended this seminar twice before, so I deduced that he’s not going for the learning material this time.” Charles leans back almost triumphantly.

“Yeah, it really doesn’t take a detective to figure that out.” Jake is trying to keep busy peeling the label off of his bottle, but Rosa can tell he’s clearly failing. There’s a furrow in his brow she’s rarely ever seen before.

“We have to stop him! He’s going to propose again, or do something romantic, or make a call-back to the seminar where they met, and Amy’s gonna get all confused-”

“My wife of four years and mother of my son is going to get confused by an unstable ex?” Jake’s voice is - bitter, Rosa thinks, is the best way to describe it, and she doesn’t think she’s ever heard that tone from him. Neither has Charles, it seems, because he backpedals immediately.

“Well, no, but- I mean- Amy is going to be upset- she’s been looking forward to that seminar and Teddy is going to ruin it!” He sputters, and Rosa can’t help but nod.

“And what do you suggest we do about that? We can’t keep Teddy from attending a work-thing, and I’m not going to stop Amy from going.”

“We can- we could kidnap Teddy just for the week, and then-”

“Kidnap a police officer.” Rosa interrupts again. “Because that’s gonna go over so well with the authorities.”

“Well then Jake can go to the seminar as well, and punch him out if he tries anything-”

“Yeah, because Holt’s totally not gonna be suspicious when Jake asks to go to a seminar that doesn’t involve some action training.” Rosa quips.

“I’m also not that big a fan of the idea of punching a man for, like, talking to my wife.” Jake grumbles, the label of his beer now completely gone, and only half-sounds convincing.

“It would be for love!” “It would be fucking creepy, is what it would be. Like I’m laying claim to some property or something in the most machismo-asshole way possible.”

“Yeah.” Rosa nods. “Amy’s a grown woman, she can tell him to fuck off herself, and she’s done it before. She doesn’t need us to bring chaos to her ‘fun’ little seminar.” She does sarcastic finger quotes around ‘fun’, but she also does know how much Amy is looking forward to this boring thing again - it’s her first time away from Mac on her own, and she’s planned her own trip just as meticulously as she’s planned for Jake’s stay with the kid, as if he has never taken care of his own child before, and kept her up to date on all of it in case she needs to jump in and help in any situation (which she won’t, but she might go over for a playdate anyway, just to see her godson).

Charles grumbles a bit more, something about ‘true love’ and ‘knights in shining armour’, but he drops the subject before their first round is finished and they can actually spend a nice evening together.

-*-

Rosa hands Jake a beer in return, once Charles has called it quits for the night because he has to go say goodnight to Nikolaj (Jake facetimed Amy and Mac instead and promised he’d be home soon, to which Amy rolled her eyes and said ‘Sure, babe. Tell Rosa to keep you out longer for some fun, please.’ the same way he had when Rosa had picked her up for a girls night two weeks ago).

“You okay?” She asks as she watches him peel the edge of the label almost immediately.

“Charles has really gotten into my head. I hate it when that happens.” He sighs as he lets go of the paper and drinks instead.

“Again: Amy’s a grown woman.”

“I know.” He’s fiddling with the label again after just one sip. “It’s just that all this Teddy-shit really does upset her. I mean, not in the ‘confused’ way like Charles said, which is bullshit.” The furrow is back for a second, Rosa notes. “But like… she just mulls it over in her head so much and it makes her feel like shit even if she won’t say it. I think the stunts he pulled at our wedding bothered her more than the whole thing actually being cancelled.”

Rosa nods as she takes her own first sip. She remembers Amy’s face when she realised Teddy was also at that stroller-contest thing she dragged her to. She remembers her face when they finally drove back to the precinct together too. She knows her friend, and if there’s anyone who knows her even better, it’s obviously Jake.

“So we gotta prevent that somehow.” She tries to continue the conversation without delving into Charles-level shenanigan-planning.

“”I just don’t want Amy’s first time off from Mac to suck because of some inconsiderate asshole. But I can’t exactly go along with her like Charles suggested, I have a kid to take care of, and also that idea is kinda insane.”

“Guess I gotta make sure it doesn’t suck, then.” Rosa finishes her beer and tries to ignore Jake’s gobsmacked stare at her. She doesn’t know when it happened, but at some point, apparently, she’s become willing to attend a boring seminar for Santiago.

-*-

Howzit goin

learn to write like an adult Peralta

also your wife will not stop talking about your kid

you love him

I do

but I don’t need updates on his bathing habits

no Teddy sightings yet but we’re also way too early because Amy. Keep you posted

Jake smiles at the text chain on his phone and makes a mental note to send her a picture of Mac in the tub later tonight, just to annoy her a bit more. Amy had handed the baby over to him at the precinct like she was going on a year-long world-cruise instead of just a five day overnight stay in another part of their own city, and Rosa had been standing behind her with her travel bag, rolling her eyes.

It had taken surprisingly little to convince both Amy and Holt that Rosa was actually interested enough in the seminar to join it at the last minute, and Amy had immediately included her in her itinerary, as well as offered to drive with her so she didn’t have to carry all her luggage on her motorcycle. Jake was going to owe her so, so many favours after all this.

The Mac-inna-tub picture only gets a grumbling emoji response, but she texts him again at around 9, when Mac is already fast asleep and he’s finally turned on Die Hard at the lowest possible volume to not wake him up again.

Teddy showed up

tried to say Hi (or worse) to Amy but I stared him away

going out for first day drinks with the group. I’ll keep him away. Maybe slip something into his drink.

why do I not question you having something to slip into drinks?

I can do more than just knives

don’t stay up all night watching all Die Hards. You gotta take Mac to daycare early tomorrow

Amy told me to tell you that

sure

and it’s only Die Hard 1 tonight

gonna spread them out over all the evenings

got one night left if you skip 4

The Holiday is on Netflix

you’re a good one Peralta

There’s no more updates until 11am the next morning, long after Mac has gone to daycare right on time, as he’s informed Amy via text to calm her down, and he was at the precinct only 15 minutes late this time.

Teddy pulled out the big guns

he had an actual ring this time. Looked expensive

There’s a sinking feeling in his chest, and he wonders what he should answer before his phone pings again.

I broke the ring

and the box

also his hand (‘accident’ - have to say that for liability)

anyway he’s out of the seminar now I guess because he can’t write anymore

so no need to worry

Jake tries to suppress his grin by biting his lip as he texts her back, Charles already getting a bit suspicious over him smiling at his phone constantly two desks over. He can probably explain it away by claiming he’s been messaging Amy, instead.

You’re my goddamn queen, Diaz

no

Amy is

but I definitely own your ass now too since I have to spend 4 more days in this shit place for you

There’s very few updates the rest of the week (apart from several pics of Amy either working, drinking, or lying hungover in bed in their shared hotel room - Rosa has resolved to make the whole boring thing a whole lot less boring, it seems) even as he keeps texting both ladies with Mac-updates and Mac-pictures.

Amy is all smiles and definitely not upset when they get back to the precinct and he’s already there to pick her up and hand the baby to his excited mama, and even Rosa spares a smile for the two Peralta-boys after the week she’s had.

He sidles up to her as Amy coos over her little boy giving her a hug and hello kisses.

“I really do owe you one, Rosa. Thanks.” “Dude, you owe me several.” She growls. “At least I won’t have to do that ever again. I’d say Teddy’s out of the picture now.”

“Because of one broken hand?”

“Yeah, I visited him in the hospital when he was getting his cast on. To ‘apologise’ for the injury.” Rosa grins, and even her sarcastic finger quotes seem intimidating. “Not even he’s that stupid to try and come back.”

Jake raises his fist, and Rosa reluctantly bumps it before both turn their attention back to Amy, who’s already chatting about weekend plans and offering Rosa a ride home. She takes the offer, if only to play peek-a-bo with Mac in the backseat.

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Tell Me

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Tell me what it's like to be with you Remind me of the things we use to do And tell me that this time will never end Tell me what it's like, tell me again

Everytime you stay It never feels quite the same And everytime you go It hurts a way you'll never know

Everything I fear Shows itself everytime you're here And everything I know (I know) Leaves with you everytime that you go

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                               It was not easy to ignore her. I had spent days doing exactly that but now that she had pushed me away, I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like a creep whenever I'd find myself staring at her for a bit too long. How could I just forget about her and pretend that nothing had happened between us? How could I just pretend I didn't care about her anymore? That I didn't think about her all the time? That I didn't have feelings for her? It felt completely stupid to go on with my life as if she hadn't been the most important part of it in the last few weeks... as if she was not still a big part of it.

I looked at her as she walked out of our class, laughing with Daxia and Asher about something I didn't hear. She raised her nose up in a grimace and giggled a bit more but I just pushed my hands in my pockets, remaining motionless as she left. She was better than me at pretending, and if I couldn't remember the way she had kissed me in the elevator, or the way she had looked at me when she found out I paid half her rent, I would believe her. Luckily (nor not?) I could clearly remember all of it. The way she had ground on my thighs as we kissed deeply and how she had whimpered when my cock had swollen between her legs... The way she let me touch her, the way she sucked on my tongue when we kissed in our room... but most of all, the way her eyes fluttered when I placed soft and slow kisses on her lips after my claustrophobic crisis... the way she had looked so hurt and sad whenever I left for whatever reason... the way I could hear pain in her voice every time I rejected her. It was all those things that kept hope alive inside me. You can't just forget about someone like that, right? Not someone who had that effect on you, no, I didn't want to believe it.

I waited, hopeful that maybe she'd glance back, giving me just enough fuel to keep hoping for something, but she didn't, and I ended up walking back to my room only to grab my guitar and my notebook. I scribbled a few words quickly, the first things that came to my mind when I thought about Devon, and found a melody just as fast.

I stared at some of the words written and felt my eyes flutter as I breathed in. I tried to stop the tears and swallowed them hard before clearing my throat and rubbing my eyes. It couldn't be the end, I didn't want it to be, and now that Devon was ignoring me the way I had ignored her, I couldn't help but hate myself, knowing it was what I actually put her through, and probably even worse.

I took my phone and snapped a picture of my notebook and my guitar, wondering how Devon would have taken the picture and knowing it would definitely have looked better than the one I was now posting on instagram, but it didn't matter. Somehow, I wished she would see it and realize it was for her, but I knew there was only a tiny chance for that. I hesitated but added a few words from the song I had just written in the description part and blinked a few times staring at it, wondering if it was a mistake.

"Every time we get this close, It's always pulling us apart."

--

Turns out Devon didn't like the picture or commented on it. I was not really expecting it but I was hoping for it, but if I knew one thing about Devon now, it was that she was really stubborn. It was not what emanated from her the most, in my opinion, and it wasn't as important as her intensity, her feelings, her fiery, her empathy and her sensitivity, but it was still a part of her that I couldn't deny. I couldn't blame her, most artists were stubborn, I was slightly entitled myself, but her stubbornness was strong and I liked it, even if it caused a problem at that exact moment.

When Lewis invited me home to watch the game, I almost refused. I wanted to see Devon, but she had asked not to see me, and it would have been wrong of me to go to her place, knowing she didn't want me around her. I wanted to respect her and what she wanted, even if I was desperate for a conversation with her. I knew I couldn't force her to have feelings for me, or to act on them. It was on her, and begging her or harassing her wouldn't change anything. In fact, it would make things worse and anyway, it was not the kind of things I did. If Devon ended up giving me a chance, it would be her decision, the same way it was my decision to push her away and not take all the chances she already gave me. A bad decision, but it was all mine.

I finally accepted when Lewis told me Devon was leaving for the evening and even if I was disappointed, I didn't show it or mention it. I couldn't stop wondering where she was going and with who as I drove to my friend's and when I parked. I stayed for a few minutes, sitting behind the wheel, trying to stop the erratic beatings of my heart. I hadn't felt like that for so long. It felt like a heartbreak all over again, except this time, the whole break up was my fault and the problem was me. I leaned my forehead on the wheel and sigh until I heard someone chuckle.

"Are you napping before the game?"

I sat up and leaned my head on the bench before sighing loud enough for Louis to hear.

"You’re here for Devon, I'm guessing." I just let out without enthusiasm, not even looking at him.

"Nop, I'm here because Lewis invited me to watch the game."

It made me frown and I turned my head his way as it was still leaning on the bench. "What?"

"Ya head." Louis shrugged, glanced at the door of the building before looking back at me. "I thought Dev was going to watch it with us."

I raised my eyebrows and started my car again, shaking my head slightly as Louis got closer. "Hey, mate, where are you going?"

"Devon doesn't want me near, I'm certainly not going to spend the evening in her vital space and make her uncomfortable." I explained, putting both my hands on the wheel.

"Dev doesn't want you to avoid her."

I sighed again and turned my head only to meet Louis' eyes. "She was pretty clear."

"You know she likes you, right?" Louis raised his eyebrows. "She wants you in her life."

"But she made it clear she didn't want me around. I can't just go with your words, okay? I have to go with hers."

I couldn't pretend it didn't feel good to hear from her best friend that Devon actually liked me, but I was also aware that Louis wanted me happy. He had been taking care of me ever since that story with my ex girlfriend. I didn't know if it was out of guilt or pure friendship but either way, I couldn't deny that he was there for me, no matter what. I had been blabbing and complaining to him every single day since that stupid blind date at the restaurant and even if he was annoyed by all the shit I threw at him, he remained calm and collected, which was a first for him.

"You're right." Louis admitted, taking one last pull at his cigarette and throwing it on the ground. He pushed the smoke out of his lungs on the side to make sure it wouldn't come in my face and licked his lips. "You do give up quite easily though don't you think? She came back every time you pushed her away." he pointed out in a gentle tone.

"No, she didn't." I shrugged a shoulder. "We just ended up being locked together in random places."

"Maybe Lewis' apartment can be that random place."

I moved my head closer to the window and looked up at the building before sighing. "If I have an inkling of a feeling that she's uncomfortable, I'm leaving."

"Good."

I ended up in the elevator with Louis, rubbing my hands on the back of my jeans. I was more and more nervous as we got closer to his apartment and when Lewis opened the door, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest by my throat.

I didn't ask about Devon but she didn't seem to be there and we all sat in the living room with a beer. There were a few guys from some of my art classes too, sitting on the floor, but I decided to sit next to Louis on one of the couches. I finished my beer quite fast and got up to grab an other in the fridge. My heart skipped a beat when I closed the door after grabbing a beer and my eyes got slightly bigger.

"Hey, Devie." I let out in a low tone, swallowing hard as my eyes roamed on her. "Uhm you-you look great."

"No need to lie, Niall." she shook her head with a sigh. "I don't know why I let Daxia convince me to wear things like that, this is so uncomfortable."  She pulled on the bottom of her dress roughly but all it did was show part of her bra. She was leaning a bit and I let my eyes roam on her cleavage for less than a second before looking away.

"You shouldn't do that." I pointed out, clearing my throat. "It's- it's pulling it at the top."

She looked down at her breasts and groaned, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I had to admit I didn't remember her with that much cleavage and I licked my lips.

"Are you.. are you wearing a push-up bra or something?"

She looked up in my eyes with surprise and her lips parted slightly before she moved her head slowly from left to right. "How did you..." she didn't finish her question and shook her head faster. "That's it. That's enough. I'm getting changed!"

"No wait!"

I grabbed her wrist, two of my fingers and my thumb wrapping around it loosely. She stopped and breathed in, and I wondered if it was because she was annoyed that I stopped her, or annoyed because of that electric feeling that probably crossed her body the same way it had crossed mine at the contact of our skin.

"Devie, you look amazing." I admitted in a low and soft tone as she turned around to face me. I hated thinking she was going on a date, and all the scenarios in my head made my heart sink in my chest, but I couldn't lie to her. I would never lie to her again. "You really do. You look beautiful."

She bit her bottom lip and nodded as I let go of her wrist and she pulled on the top of her dress again to cover more of her breasts.

"I'm sorry, Devie. I know you're leaving but, if me being here bothers you, I can leave."

She looked up again and her eyes met mine. She just shrugged and cleared her throat, looking back at everyone in the living room before turning back to me again.

"No it's okay, I know Lewis is your friend." she shrugged, grabbing her purse on the table. "I'm leaving for the evening anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

I remained silent and pushed my hands in my pockets, holding my breath. Was I allowed to look at her the way I was looking at her?

"A pair of shorts."

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"If you wear a pair of shorts under your dress, it'll bother you less that it's short."

"The problem is mostly that I hate my thighs but I guess you're not wrong." she chuckled, raising her eyebrows. "It's a good idea."

I waited patiently until she came back, walking by the kitchen and waving shyly at me. "Bye Niall, thanks for the tip."

It took me a few minutes to go back to the living room. No one had noticed I had left for a while except for Louis, who turned his head my way as soon as I sat next to him. "Did you tell her?"

"Mm? Tell her what?" I asked, staring at the tv as I leaned my elbows on my knees.

"That you love her."

I turned my whole body his way, now only focusing on him, and shook my head. "No, and I don't plan to." I explained slowly. "Louis, she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you and you know it."

I didn't answer and turned back to the tv for a few minutes and finally leaned my back on the couch. "You think she's gonna shag a guy tonight?" I asked low and a bit sad, looking down at my beer as I turned it in my hands.

"No."

"Why not."

"I know Dev, she's not like that." Louis explained, letting out a sigh. "Would you shag a girl tonight? A girl that's not her?"

"What does it have to do with anything?"

"Dev is a lot like you." he finally confessed. "I'm sure you've noticed before. You two react the same way, you've been through the same things... both of you gave up on love and both of you are completely in love with each other. You stopped having sex with Mandy because Devon is all you think about. Trust me, you're all Devon thinks about, too."

"She told you that?" I asked, closing my eyes and swallowing hard.

"She'd kill me if she found out I told you."

---

An other week without Devon, an other week getting drunk and complaining to Louis. I had missed a few classes and always ended up in the music room to write songs on the piano after everyone had left until very late at night. I would probably get denied the access to that room if they found out I was drowning my pain in vodka, beer and rum while I was composing but I didn't care.

On friday night, Louis had begged me to join him in class. He had asked for the keys to classroom to finish his work and apparently, he wanted me to write a song for him that he'd use. I had never written a song for kids before but I was always ready to try new things. Besides, Louis had been there for me a lot in the past few days and I felt like I owed him at least that.

The days were getting shorter and it was already dark outside. Weirdly, the hall was barely lighted but I noticed the open door of a neon-lit room. I walked in and noticed Louis, sitting on one of the desks. His lips curled when he saw me and I realized I hadn't seen a small classroom like that before.

"Neil, hey, I'm glad you're here." he raised his eyebrows, jumping off the desk and walking to me. "I really need you."

"Yea, of course." I frowned, looking around the room. "I mean we could have worked in my room, or yours?"

"Mm no, we couldn't." he replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing me closer into a weird hug. "It really had to be here."

"Okay, you're being weird. It sounds like a bad horror movie. Are you gonna kill me or something?"

Louis chuckled as I looked at him and he took a few steps back, throwing his arms in the air.

"I'd never do that, Niall. You're my best friend!"

I took a step closer when he reached the hall and he moved his hand in front of himself, making me stop immediately. "Wait here a minute or two, okay?"

"Alright."

I sighed and sat on a desk, my guitar on my lap, and let my fingers slide on the strings gently. It's only when I heard a voice in the hall that I looked up and frowned. My heart skipped a beat when Devon walked by the door, her eyes covered with Louis' hands but I frowned and raised my hands up when I noticed Lewis, slightly behind them, who was telling me to keep quiet with a finger on his lips.

"Lou, I hate surprises, you know it." she let out, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Despite all the stress my friends were putting me through, I still found myself thinking about kissing her as my eyes fell on her mouth and I held my breath.

"Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them, alright?"

"Mmhm."

Slowly, he removed his hands from her eyes and I stood there, not really knowing what the hell they were trying to do. Devon didn't want to talk to me, she didn't want to be around me or hear about me, and bringing her here was not going to change anything, I knew it. It's only when Louis closed the door and I heard the lock that I understood.

"No!" I Iet out, jumping off the desk as I gripped my guitar tighter. "NO!"

I hit the door a few times without looking back at Devon but I knew that by now, she had understood what was happening. Our friends had decided to lock us in a room without our consent and I could feel myself get dizzy at that thought.

"It's not funny guys! I'm claustrophobic!" I yelled, hitting the door again with the side of my fist. "Let me out!"

"The room is big enough and there's like, five windows, Niall!"

"Yea!" Lewis agreed. "Feel lucky, at first we had thought about the janitor's closet!"

"Guys, it's not cool!" I begged, leaning my forehead on the door. "And it's useless."

"No it's not!" Louis let out as I closed my eyes and groaned low. "Solve your shit! I'm tired to hear both of you talk about each other!"

"Plus, we stole your phones." Lewis let out with a laughter. "I took Devon's when she was not looking and she just thought she lost it. Louis stole yours a few minutes ago."

I frowned and my hand reached for my pocket, realizing he was right and I just rolled my eyes. My heart was beating so hard I was wondering if it would just stop completely at some point. It was not a claustrophobia crisis though, it was just the fact that once again, I was locked with Devon somewhere but this time, the roles were reversed. She was the one who was avoiding me.

"Neil, tell her, okay?"

I didn't answer him. I just licked my lips and turned around, scared of what was going to happen. Devon raised her eyebrows at me and pressed her lips together, her arms wrapped around herself. She tilted her head and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Tell me what?"

-

Request

[leftonraed]

The Night We Met - Episode 2

pairing : Taehyung x OC genre : bodyguard!au, singleparent!au, idol!au word count :  2.5k summary — You witness Taehyung and his niece’s relationship evolve and meet Hwiin.

Prologue | ep.1 | ep.2 | ep.3 | ep.4 | ep.5 | ep.6 | ep.7 

The sun shines brightly this morning, even birds can be heard in the quiet apartment. Taehyung rolls over in his sleep and suddenly crashes on the floor in a heavy thud.

“Ow… What the-” He grumbles loudly, squinting an eye open to make sense of his surroundings right after the brutal awakening.

He slowly lifts himself on his hands and knees to look at the bed and notices Hina had invaded his already quite small part, they had agreed on, in her sleep.

“What even is that position?” He mumbles, now able to make her out in the dark room. Her tiny feet facing him as they twitch a little. Surely the way used to get rid of me, he thinks.

Taehyung stands up cautiously like an old person, massaging his hurting shoulder. His limbs are stiff and heavy with slumber but he resists the temptation of the warm sheets to get breakfast ready.

After a quick passage in the bathroom to freshen up, he walks in the kitchen and has the water in the kettle heating first. Music’s playing very softly from his phone while he prepares food consisting of soups, cooked rice, strawberries and other side dishes.

He’s busy setting the table when he hears noise coming from the dark corridor.

He looks up and stills, feeling his heartbeat picking up. The chopsticks slip from his hand at the scary sight before him.

A weird looking shape is carefully walking his way, wrapped in what he guesses as a thick blanket rendering the strange creature menacingly imposing.

Taehyung blinks his daze away as it comes to light.

“Oh,_____. Good morning,” he smiles lightheartedly. “I didn’t recognize you.”

You mutter something back, walking by him like he isn’t even there and head to the kitchen counter. He watches you reach for his cup.

“Wait, this i-”

You spit out the bittersweet drink, disgusted. “That’s not coffee,” you grunts confused.

“That’s a tea I make for my voice-” He trails, looking at the mess you’ve just made. He smiles again, “don’t worry I’ll clean that.”

“Bkjhn- coffee- skjvnjf- wait here.” You go sit on the nearest couch.

He stops mid-mopping to object but indirectly meets the threatening look of the scary blanket creature and simply nods.

Hina shows up a little after, hair sticking everywhere, and observes for a long time the interesting sight you offer.

When Taehyung eventually puts the lovingly prepared breakfast on the coffee table, he realises another blanket creature has made its appearance, looking quite adorable he must say.

_____________________________

Taehyung goes to answer the door when the doorbell rings.

Hwiin instantly meets his eyes, noticing right away how good-looking his complexion is. He looks rested and not so despondent anymore.

He smiles softly, “come in, don’t stay out there.”

She’s glad and for a second, she feels her heart warming up at his familiar appeal.

She snaps out of it and walks inside. It’s only been a week or so since her latest visit but his apartment looks nothing like before apart from the loud T.V.

Although the least that had to be shared had been summed up in an official announcement by the agency to explain Taehyung’s temporary retirement, they had all agreed on not wanting any media to share anything concerning directly or indirectly his brother’s death and keep a very low profile regarding Taehyung having Hina’s custody for as long as possible. This meant not to be seen out together, not to tempt any ill-intentioned stranger.

She trips on one of the toys laying around and catches herself by grabbing hold of his arm.

He doesn’t note the effect the sudden closeness has on her and bends down to take the toy away. He grunts, “sorry ‘bout the mess.”

She smiles awkwardly to herself while taking off her beanie and scarf when you eventually catch her eye.

“Who’s that?”

Taehyung glances your way in the living-room where you’re busy doing your fitness routine with Hina gazing at you closely and it pulls a grin from him.

“_______. Seojun’s replacement… Your savior.”

Hwiin stares at you too long for her own liking before turning around to frown at him. “What happened to him?”

“Family stuff.” He walks around the counter and takes a cup to pour some tea for her as he always does when she visits.

“And she lives here? With you?”

“I thought it’d be practical because I don’t really know what my schedule is these days. And she’s just moved to the city.”

She drops her handbag on the counter and sits on one of the stools. She lets the warmth of the cup heat her cold palms and waits for him to look away to get another glimpse at you that unintentionally turns into a subtle glare.

She can’t help but start to make assumptions about you while you’re stretching your fit body.

“She’s really into exercising,” she gets startled by his voice and can hear his grin and it makes her eyes roll. She turns back again. “I don’t know how she keeps doing that every morning.”

“Is that even… appropriate?” She trails, seeing a mental image of your revealing outfit. “I mean her living here doesn’t allow her to be unprofessional.”

He frowns a little at her, amused. If only she knew, he thinks. “I don’t really mind. Plus, if she can help keep Hina from turning into a couch potato...”

She remains silent and sips on her hot beverage as he tries to quickly change the subject.

“I’m almost done with the custody papers by the way. So we should get back to work in a short while.”

“It’s good to hear. The agency shared a couple of things about your activity for the next few weeks but nothing’s final.” She hesitates, “but are you… ready-ready?”

“I think I am. M’definitely in a better place. I think  _____ helps a lot. She’s a breath of fresh air. And I think work will help me get out of my head.”

“Good.” Hwiin smiles half hearted.

“Oh, I think she’s done. Come, I’ll do the introductions.”

______________________________

The next day, Hwiin is back at the apartment with work papers and her laptop in her arms — now that Taehyung’s comeback is around the corner, she doesn’t want to waste any time. She frowns when she doesn’t recognize his voice behind the door.

“What was it again…” She hears mumbling followed by numerous electronic bips. The door unlocks and reveals yourself when you pull it back.

You stare blankly at her, a lollipop wedged against your cheek. “Yes?”

Hwiin doesn’t know what to say and frowns when you’re still not moving an inch. “Can I come in?”

“Who are you?” You ask right after.

“What do you mean “who am I”? We met yesterday.” She complains dumbfounded. “It’s me. Hwiin.”

She hears footsteps coming her way and you slam the door right before she gets to see anything.

“No, Hina. Go back,” she hears you order. “This is probably an intruder or a dangerous person.”

“What?” She exclaims to herself, an angry look directed at the door. “Let me in.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Where’s Taehyung?”

“He’s out.”

“What in the-” She mumbles to herself, fetching her phone in her purse very annoyed. She thumbs on his phone. “Taehyung, yes. Can you please tell your bodyguard that I’m not a threat and to let me in? Stop laughing!”

“Yes?” You answer again when she knocks.

“I have your boss on the phone, maybe he’ll convince you if you agree to speak to him.”

You open the door wide enough to take the device from her and close it again. Hwiin is tapping her foot impatiently. You eventually let her in and she snatches her phone from you while you stare at her with an unbothered look, still sucking your candy.

_______________________________

Later that day, dinner’s served.

“You shouldn’t force her,” you comment from your position at the end of the dining table.

Taehyung hasn’t had a moment to himself the second he’s come back from his running errands, from the long hours he’s spent with his manager to get updated to preparing dinner, and it didn’t take long for you to understand cooking isn’t his forte. You’re now witnessing his struggle to have Hina eat any of the food to no avail.

The little girl seems intent on draining him from the last remnant of energy left in his being. Taehyung wonders how he’d be able to put up with her when he goes back to working.

She refuses each of his attempts, twisting her neck one side or the other. This time around, he’s made sure not to have the plate too close to her so she wouldn't dirty him.

“She has to eat,” he mumbles, keeping his eyes on his niece. “Come on, open your mouth.”

She kicks her legs the whinier his voice gets. When the spoon isn’t prodding her lips, she stretches her arms towards the plate in his hand.

“No hands.” He warns and moves the plate closer to him which has her writhing in her seat out of irritation.

The bubble gum bursts softly and shrivels on your lips. Face prompted in your palms, a thought crosses your mind. “Why don’t you let her use her hands?”

“I don’t want her to pick up some bad habits.”

You blink blankly at his profile. It’s obvious he’s getting tired but he only gets himself to blame.

“Just let her this one time,” you encourage.

Defeated, Taehyung unwillingly listens to you, positioning the plate on the table of the baby chair and her whimpers immediately stop.

“See? She just wants to feed herself, silly.”

Hina looks up to frown at him, points a tiny finger in his direction and repeats with a pout, “siwy!”

A silence falls right after, during which he stares at her, dumbfounded.

The spoon slips from his fingers. She uses her hand to grab the square-cutted vegetables from her plate. A glint of amusement wrinkles your eyes the longer you watch him.

“Hina! You just said your first word!” Taehyung exclaims at the little girl looking up with big round eyes, confused, and busy stuffing her small mouth.

You pinch your lips to stop yourself from smiling.

He flinches the next second and frowns at her, “wait, you shouldn’t call me that.”

He looks at you when he hears you giggle and falters a quick second. Taken aback by the pleasant sound, he realizes it’s his first time he sees you laugh. He likes hearing it.

He quickly goes back to scolding mode, “what are you laughing at? It’s your fault she did that.”

“I did nothing,” you trail, calming down and not feeling a bit regretful.

“Siwy!”

He whines flustered, “Hina, stop calling me that!”

________________________

You knew nothing about their relationship, except that he was her uncle and she lost her father. Right after Taehyung welcomed you in his home, you didn’t talk if you weren’t spoken to and simply lingered around when needed. You preferred to keep to yourself and not meddle but Taehyung seemed to lack when it comes to raising children or even just one.

He acts like he wants to succeed in everything and would feel miserable every time he’d think he failed. You have been hired to protect Hina if she needs to be out in his company but you also naturally want to assist and support him in your own way. After all, no one’s around to help and it’s not like Hwiin and Hina share affectionate bonds.

Taehyung’s watching T.V when you walk back in the living-room with his niece after her shower. Her refusal when he suggested he’d take care of it surprised him but he trusted you enough to let her have it her way. The little victorious smile you offered him left him flustered right after you’d closed the door in his face not to give him any time to react. He had no choice but to go rest and wait.

His eyes carefully rake your figure dressed in short shorts and a tight-fitted tank top from head to toe. He notices your hair’s wet and your braless breast and he blushes when mental pictures suddenly flood his mind.

Hina breaks his trail of embarrassing thought as she bounces her way and lunges on his lap, the flowery scent coming from her envelops him. She seems a lot more open around him already.

“You not tired, you?” He smiles lazily while she tries to climb in his lap. She shakes her head.

You go sit on the couch perpendicular to the one he’s sat on.

“Ow, ow,” his whimpers have you looking back at him. “You’re hurting me, Hina. Why are you so hyped right now? You're supposed to be in bed at this hour.”

He can’t help but feel a little confused having to put up with Hina’s unfamiliar behavior and your arousing presence.

Amused, you gaze at her pulling on his shirt to help herself stand up on his thighs and pinch his face as she whines her objection. You look away before he realizes you’re watching them.

It takes no more than ten minutes for her to show the first signs of somnolence. He lays her in his arms and stands up.

“Let’s put you to bed.”  

She knuckles her eyes, “no- daddy…”

He looks panicked for a second and dares a quick glance your way but it seems like you haven’t heard her so he keeps walking to his bedroom.

Hina falls asleep a couple of minutes after he’s tucked her in. Taehyung isn’t sure about returning to the living-room. He’s come to enjoy being in your company but is afraid about you noticing the effect you have on him.

The lights and T.V are still on when he comes back and you’re still there but you’ve moved closer to his seat and laid on one side. He walks around the couch to sit near the armchair. He’s barely returned that he starts tapping the tips of his fingernails, thinking of a way to make conversation.

“She already asleep?” You yawn.

“Like a log,” he smiles and then there’s silence. “I’m happy, she is more comfortable but-”

“But?”

“I don’t know about her... calling me-”

“Don’t worry about it,” you cut him off sleepily and he looks at you. “Let her if she feels like doing so. Do you mind her doing it?”

“I don’t really know. I mean she’s like a daughter to me but I don't want her to forget about her dad.”

“She won’t. When she starts asking you, tell her. But for now, I think it’s best you just bring the love and comfort she needs. She needs familiarity in these times. She’ll make her own decision when she’s older. Much older. Give yourselves time. You’ll get even closer.”

“But my job will keep me from her.”

“Then make some time. From what I understood, you don’t want anyone to babysit and you’ll never get the life you had before. You have to find time if you want her to get close to you.” You meet his eyes. “And you should enjoy your moments together. Not torture yourself about the- “right” thing to do… because it doesn’t exist. You’re doing good.”  

Taehyung thinks about your words but hasn’t quite the time to process them as you stand up and stretch.

“I feel sleepy…” You yawn. “Goodnight, Taehyung.”

“Goodnight.”

/////////////////////!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Feedback is much appreciated Reblog if you wish to read more

[zwowow]

I’m in the mood for angst, so Em ignoring Kells, and kells feeling like shit because of it

saw an old man in a sweatsuit. thinking of u

The first day, he understands that Em is busy. He's always working on his own shit and working with artists he knows, too. He has shit to do other than answer Kells' dumbass texts.

The second day, he gets it still. Em isn't attached to his phone the way Kells is. But really, he could've at least opened the text. Maybe Em had just swiped away the text, he thinks. 

fit check? 

He sends the text with a mirror selfie he'd actually taken three days ago attached. He was wearing a hoodie he'd stolen from Em, there was no way he couldn't open it and respond.

By the third day, Kells would never admit it, but he's mad anxious. He'd been right about Em being unable to resist opening the text, but had been proven wrong when even hours later, he hadn't texted anything back. Was there something wrong? Had he said something to deserve the silent treatment he was getting? Was the sweatsuit comment, though he’d sent almost the exact message five times in the last few months, too far? He shoots off a quick we good??? and he pretends he doesn't notice the way his fingers shake on the keys.

The fourth, fifth, and sixth days drag and fly by at once. For the first time since Em's cold front had started, he was busy all day every day. He didn't have time to check his phone every hour and see the lack of notifications under Em's contact. He still felt every minute pass by. He perked up every time he did get a call or text, only to come down every time it wasn't who he wanted it to be. 

With each day the urge to call or text Em again grew stronger, but he made himself wait. If Em wanted to talk to him, he'd reach out. He'd read Kells' message. The ball is in Em's court, though the more he thinks about it, Kells wonders if it's ever been his.

Seven days marks exactly a week since the last time Em texted him. His thumb hovers over the call button at least ten times throughout day. He needs to hear Em's voice, if only to hear him say that it's over. He can't just fade away. Kells won't let him. 

This time, he actually presses call. Em doesn't pick up, but Kells stays on the line anyway, just to hear Em's outgoing message.

"Call me." He says quietly, desperately, into his phone when he gets prompted to leave a voicemail.

The worst part, he thinks when he gets to day eight and Em's radio silence has taken its permanent place as the most important thing on his mind, is that he doesn't even know what he did wrong. The last time they'd actually talked, they'd been facetiming and it felt like a normal conversation. There were no awkward pauses or barely concealed annoyed sighs, just a normal conversation that ended slowly, neither of them ready to hang up. When it finally came time, Kells pressed his screen to end the call, and cut Em off right in the middle of saying something.

He texted him right away and asked if it was something important, and Em texted back quickly.

Nah.

So Kells left it at that. And that was the last text Em had sent him. Kells hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but looking back a week and a day later, he wonders if the end of their normal phone call had been normal after all.

On day nine, or ten, Kells isn't sure what to call the wee hours of the morning when he hasn't slept at all, he finally breaks. Obviously Em doesn't want to talk to him. If he can ignore him like this without even an update text. No explanations of how busy he is or anything else Kells would think was bullshit but accept as an excuse because anything is easier than accepting the truth. The truth that he's finally come around to.

Em is done with him.

They had a good run: great sex, funny banter, and even though they argued twice a day it seemed, Kells has never really felt known like he did with Em. But that's over. Em has made it quite clear that he's done with this by ghosting him this last week.

Kells pulls out his phone and opens Em's contact for the last time.

Got the message, asshole. Guess this is over.

It's 4 AM California time, so around 6 in Detroit. Em is probably still sleeping. He'll wake up to a breakup text and be relieved. Kells hates him for it. Why did he have to be the one to send the final text, and the one to get his heart broken?

If Em wanted to end them he should've done it himself. But no, he's a fucking coward. He always has been. Kells should have fucking known. He's a stupid piece of shit for not knowing, for not expecting this. Em was always going to tire of him. Shit, he gets tired of himself sometimes, he's whiny and needy and kind of a prick, but he hadn't expected Em to just go silent. He'd thought they'd made it past the point of the fadeaway. He'd assumed he deserved more for Em. Kells chuckles into the dark. Idiot move. To believe he deserved anything but to get shit on.

Whatever, what's done is fucking done. Em can stop answering his texts, but he can't un-suck his dick or un-eat his ass. At the very least, Kells will always have that. There's enough memories of the two of them to relive a new one every night until he's finally over him.

After sending the text, Kells lays back onto the headboard of his bed and feels around his bedside table in the dark for the half smoked joint and lighter he'd left there earlier. He lights up in the dark, guided only by the flame of his lighter. In the dark, nobody can see the tears he sheds silently while he smokes. Not that there's anyone with him, he's alone and lonely. As it should be.

The roach is just starting to burn his fingers when his phone lights up and begins to buzz.

It's Em.

He contemplates letting it go to voicemail. He wants to ignore Em the way Em has been ignoring him. At the last minute he picks it up, unable to resist hearing Em's voice. It's pathetic, how much he needs to hear Em on the other line.

"Kells?" Em rasps into his ear.

"Hm?" He doesn't trust himself to talk. He might say some stupid shit like 'I didn't mean it' or 'take me back' or 'I love you'.

"Kells. Fuck. I just saw your text." Which one? He wants to snear. Which text? The one he just sent breaking up with him or the ones before that he had no problem ignoring?

"Okay." He says instead. His throat works tightly over the word, threatening to squeeze out one of the things he absolutely must not say.

"You're done with this? You want us to be over?" Em sounds frantic, but Kells doesn't understand how he didn't see it coming.

"You're the one who's been ignoring me for over a week! Obviously you want this to be over." The silent tears he shed earlier come back with a force that almost turns them into full blown sobs.

"No! Kells… That's not it." 

"Then what is it?" There is no logical reason Em can give for going from texting and calling multiple times a day to radio silence for ten days.

But he wants to hear the illogical reason anyway.

"Do you remember what I said last week when we were about to end the call?" Their last call. When Em cut off in the middle of his sentence. And the last text he sent Kells. Nah

"Like right at the end? I didn’t hear you, you told me it was nothing."

"I said I love you." Those words steal the breath from his lungs. He chokes on the meaning behind them. Em loves him, he said he loves him. Regardless of what he said, though, he still hasn't talked to Kells in over a week.

"Kells... you still there?" Em says says he's been silent for a while. Kells inhales deeply, clearing his lungs of the last of the weed and what Em just laid on him.

"Yeah. I'm just tryna understand how the fuck you go from saying you love me to not thinking I'm worth a fucking text back." He hadn't known his words would come out with such bite, hard despite coming out through tears, but it's what Em deserves.

"We haven't said that yet." Em says like that explains the cold shoulder.

"I know."

"You didn't say it back. Man, you fuckin’ hung up." Kells wants to hang up again. He's told Em multiple times now.

"I didn't hear you." His voice is wrecked and desperate. If he had heard Em, he would've said it back. He's been feeling the same way for months, but hadn't wanted to ruin what they had by admitting to such deep feelings so early on.

"I know but... it fucking scared me, y'know? I said I love you, Kells. Do you know how fucking awful that is, to say you love someone and have them not say it back?"

Do you know how hard it is to be ignored by someone you love, he wants to ask? Does Em know how awful it is to fall in love so easily you never know when it's real until they leave? Because Kells knows how Em feels, but he doubts Em knows how he feels.

"You didn't answer my calls. You left my texts on fucking read." He's crying openly now, loud sobs into the night.

"I know and I'm sorry. It was a dick move, but I didn't know what to say to you. I love you, Kells, and I was convinced you didn't love me back, that you hung up on purpose to get out of saying anything back, so I tried to see how long I could last without you. I fucking tortured myself...." Em clears his throat and lowers his voice "Obviously, I wasn't just torturing myself."

"No. You weren't." 

"I'm sorry, so fucking sorry. I love you Kells. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Kells doesn't forgive him. Because even if he didn't mean to, he did hurt him. Bad. He's spent the last ten days in pain and he won't lie about it. So he tells Em the truth, though both his brain and heart beg him to tell an easier to swallow lie.

"I love you, too." He says.

[dracoyoflam]

WML Chapter 1: One Day

A/N: This is a brand new story that I just started called 'Where's My Love'. I will try to update with new chapters as often as I can. I am also writing new chapters for the HDTH sequel so stay tuned for new chapters for that. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Hermione was sitting at her desk working on a pile of paperwork that had been handed to her that day and of course, had to be finished by the end of the day. She loved her job most of the time but things like this stressed her out.

‘It’s going to be another late night.’ She thought to herself, annoyed.

She pulled out a purple memo pad and started writing. She needed to let Ron know that she would be working late tonight and to make dinner plans for himself.

She wrote a quick note and sealed it shut. The paper folded up into an airplane and took off out of her office. She had been sending him interdepartmental memos that said basically the same thing far too often lately.

She felt bad about all the extra workload, but she offered to help out the department when one of their best employees left for maternity leave. Her boss thought she was up to the task and she didn’t want to let him down.

Things would lighten up soon and until then she would just have to suck it up and deal with an angry husband. Honestly, she didn’t really care as much as she should but their marriage was anything but perfect.

On the outside, everything probably looked great and everyone thought they had an amazing relationship but on the inside, their marriage was falling apart.

Ron had been distant and started pulling away a few months ago and now that she was having so many late nights at work, she could feel him pulling even further away.

She knew that she should care a lot more, but they hadn’t been truly happy in their marriage since the first year. They married too young, and they were so naïve. They thought that because of everything they had been through that it proved something. Like it was fate for them to be together but apparently, it wasn’t.

Hermione got up and grabbed the finished half of work and walked out of her office with it. She went over to the delivery system but of course, it was still broken. She wasn’t surprised. That thing had been broken for about two weeks now and there was no sign of it getting fixed any time soon.

She sighed.

‘Well, at least I can get out of that stuffy office for a few minutes.’

She started walking and got in the elevator to take her to her boss’s office. It usually only took about three minutes to make it from her office to his… not that she timed it.

She grinned a little to herself. She secretly didn’t mind that the delivery system was broken because she didn’t mind that she had to see her boss. She would never admit it but it was becoming her favorite part of her work routine.

She would never act on any of the things she felt but she loved to look at him and talk to him. He was intelligent and could carry a conversation a million times better than Ron could dream of. He also had a way of making everything feel sexy, even in their dreary office setting.

She finally exited the elevator and walked a few steps forward before turning and entering his office. He was sitting in his chair and he was focused on writing whatever it was in front of him.

He ran his hand through his blonde hair and some loose hair fell back into his face. He was clearly stressed about something, and he obviously didn’t notice her enter the office.

Hermione gently cleared her throat to get his attention. He immediately looked up and smirked at her.

“Did you miss me, Granger? This is the third time this week.” He chuckled lightly at her.

She smiled back and walked forward to set the stack of files at the end of his desk.

“Of course, I did Malfoy..” She joked. “and also, the delivery thing is still broken.” She laughed lightly.

He raised his eyebrow at her.

“That thing is still broken?” He rolled his eyes.

Then, he squinted at her and looked her up and down.

“You didn’t curse it just so you would have a reason to come see me… did you?” He asked jokingly.

She laughed at him.

“Maybe.” She simply replied as she continued to laugh.

He sighed and sat back in his chair.

“That thing will never get fixed. I’m sorry you have to keep coming up here. I’m also sorry that you got stuck with extra work again.”

He motioned to the files she had set down on his desk.

She waved him off and smiled at him.

“It’s fine. It has to get done and I don’t mind helping out where I can.”

It was the truth and she felt less aggravated about it now that she was having the best part of her day. Draco Malfoy had been promoted to her boss a couple of years ago and they worked really hard to get on good terms with each other.

If she was honest, she was proud of him as a person now. He had come a long way from who he was in school. Even Harry and Ron came around eventually, not that they had much choice. They all worked together, and he was Hermione’s boss.

They even had evenings where they would all get together and do different things. Either to a bar or sometimes over to Malfoy’s house for drinks and games.

She went to turn around and leave when he stopped her.

“Wait, Granger. Would you mind helping me out with a special project? I know you have a lot on your plate right now but…”

“I’ll do it.” She said, cutting him off before he could finish.

“You don’t even know what it is.” He laughed.

‘He’s so pretty when he smiles.’ She thought to herself.

She had to shake the thought and hoped he didn’t see the slight blush that covered her cheeks.

“It’s fine. Whatever it is. I like to help out and I know you wouldn’t ask unless it was important.”

She smiled back and he seemed to sigh in relief to her saying yes.

“Great. Thank you. I will send you the details later when I get a chance.”

She nodded her head to him.

“Sounds good. I’ve got to get back to work if I plan on finishing the last of those reports.”

She slowly turned and started walking towards the door.

“Wait.” He stood up from his chair and walked over to her.

They were both standing, facing each other in the doorway.

“Are you sure that you’re okay to be staying late and doing all this extra work? I’m sure I could figure something else out. I mean, you do have a life and a husband to get back to.”

Hermione mentally groaned. ‘What life?’ She thought sarcastically.

“It’s completely fine. I really don’t mind and I honestly don’t have much of a life outside of work anyway. As for my husband, I doubt he even notices that I’m gone.”

It fell from her lips before she could stop herself.

Her body stiffened slightly at the surprise of her accidental honesty. She cleared her throat and avoided eye contact.

“I’ve got a lot of work to get back to. Goodnight, Malfoy.” She flashed him a quick smile as she walked out of the office and back to the elevator.

‘Oh no, did I really just say that?’ She stepped into the elevator, and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She was tired and now embarrassed.

She groaned. ‘I could kick myself. I can’t believe I told him that.’

They were friends in a way and they liked to flirt in a fun and obvious way that they never took seriously but to put her marriage problems out in the open like that was humiliating.

She looked down at her shoes and felt a tear escape and fall to the floor. She was thankful that she was alone. It was late enough that most people in their department had already left.

She wiped her eyes and sucked in a deep breath to calm her nerves. Then, when the elevator stopped, she stepped out and rushed into her office.

‘I’m so stupid.’ She thought angrily at herself. She was completely humiliated.

She plopped down into her chair and pulled out the next folder to work on.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

About 4 hours later…

She had just finished the rest of the assignments. She rushed through the last quarter of the stack to save on time. She was really hoping that they would still be acceptable.

She usually tried to be a perfectionist about everything but she was exhausted from all the extra hours and stress at home so she figured that maybe one time, not being perfect, would be alright.

When she walked into Malfoy’s office, she was surprised to see him still sitting at his desk. She had fully expected him to be long gone and she almost screamed out when she saw him.

She almost dropped the big stack of papers in her arms and gasped out loud.

“Oh godric! You scared me. I thought everyone had gone by now.” She said as she tried to regain her footing.

He chuckled softly and shook his head. Clearly, he found it amusing.

“Sorry, just finishing up on a few things.” He got up from his chair and walked over to her.

He grabbed the large stack from her arms and walked over to his desk where he dropped them in a pile where she had placed the stack from earlier which was now gone. He sighed and dropped back into his chair.

“I hope the documents are acceptable. I wanted to get them all finished tonight so a couple of them may have been a bit rushed.” She said.

He smiled at her.

“I do not doubt that they are all perfect. Thank you again for all the extra time and work you’ve been putting in lately.”

She smiled back.

“I hope so and of course. As I said, I don’t mind helping out.”

She tried to suppress a small yawn, but he noticed and laughed softly at her.

“You are exhausted. Go home and get some rest.” He said simply.

She nodded to him. “Okay. Good night. I’m sure I will see you tomorrow.”

Then, she turned away and waved behind her as she walked out the door. She didn’t realize how tired she was until he mentioned bed. She quickly grabbed her things from her office and gradually made her way to the entrance of the Ministry where she was able to floo home.

She walked into her living room and set her things down on a corner table. She was so tired that she didn’t notice the woman’s blouse thrown on the back of the couch.

She slowly walked down the hall to their bedroom but she stopped when she thought she heard strange noises coming from inside. She quietly moved closer and leaned toward the door to hear better.

She heard a man and woman in bed, moaning and gasping with each other. She stood straight up and her mouth fell open in shock. She didn’t know what to think or what to do.

She felt her eyes burn as tears started to flow down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath as she opened the door and walked inside the room.

[runbymachinesandclones]

So! Quick life update... I haven’t done this in a while over here but, I’ve been feeling pretty happy lately 😊

A week and a half ago, I officially went back to the lab and my heart could literally burst with the joy this brings me 😁 (you can’t see it but, there’s a big smile under the mask).

Last year, I did my last experiment on the last week of March, before everything shut down where I live. It was really rushed but I had no choice but to do it that way or risk losing the patient samples I had at the moment. Everything sounded so scary yet a bit optimistic back then: we were going into lockdown for 3-4 weeks. We all know how that turned out... (Oh, our little naive past selves). So, that left me spending the next ~14 months doing research, some writing, and lots and lots of reading while sitting in front of my computer, and even thought that was fine for the first few months (doing science involves a lot of that, I don’t shy away from it when it is well balanced with the experimental part), I missed the lab work soooooo much!! 🥺

*Actual GPOY* 🥲

A big reason as to why I decided to pursue a Biochemistry/Pharmacy degree was that I have always enjoyed chemistry and biology lab classes since I was in middle school. That continued to be the case at university, which kept me away from considering office jobs after graduating because I couldn’t really picture myself doing that kind of work for long. I really love planning and performing experiments, watching some of them fail spectacularly only to look for ways to try to fix my approach to answer a research question through searching in the bibliography, and of course, getting promising data that I would later spend hours upon hours analyzing. So, it was really discouraging to end up in the exact place I have tried to avoid with many of the career choices I have made until today; bound behind a computer, away from my pipettes. The situation demanded it and I knew it was going to be a temporary thing, that we would eventually get back. But as the months went by and things started looking to be getting better, only for them to get worse again, I started feeling unsatisfied about my work life after years of being used to actually looking forward to it each morning, the challenge it posed. I consider myself a bit of a workaholic: I used to spend a loooooot of time in the lab. So, spending that same amount of time away was a big adjustment for me. I wasn’t feeling quite myself... I guess many people were going through a similar experience (not just in their work life, but also in adjusting to being away from their social life) and I consider myself very lucky that I didn’t have a worse experience considering everything that happened and is still happening regarding the pandemic. But, feeling unmotivated... fucking sucks 😣

Flash forward more than a year later... I’m still not working as much as I was used to because we are trying to do a rotation that would allow all the different members of the lab to work at least a bit each week to make progress on each of our projects uniformly while observing social distancing. Last week, I had the opportunity to set up an experiment (on my birthday, nonetheless... A nice present from me to me) which ended at the end of the week. I’ve been analyzing the data these last few days and I’m super thrilled that it worked as well as it did because I felt super clumsy throughout the process (it is not that I forgot how to do it but, more like I didn’t really feel fine tuned for it after months of not doing anything that delicate with my hands). 🙂🙃🙂😌

Here, have a glimpse:

Treg cells, my beloveds 😍😍😍

Immunology is such an amazing field, always relevant, especially during these times...

TL:DR —> Anyway, here’s hoping things start looking up everywhere and that we can soon go back to as close as normalcy as we can. Stay safe, everyone! We are almost there! 🤗

[sebabestianstan101]

Suit and Tie - 002

Pairing: Ceo!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Synopsis: You’re good at your job as the Secretary in The White Wolf Enterprise for years now, with a great set of friends and co-workers and a really hot boss, James Buchanan Barnes. You have a pretty decent work-relationship with him, even if you have to use all of your strength and self-control to not jump on him at every chance you get. Nothing exciting is really going on with your life, until your boss himself decides to spice things up a bit.

Themes throughout the series: Smut, angst, fluff, slight dom!bucky x sub!reader (nothing too crazy..), swearing, there’s probably going to be more as the story progresses

SERIES MASTERLIST  Teaser 001 

“Thank you, Tony. It’s always a pleasure to work with you.” 

Both men stand as they shake their hands after discussing the partnership. As expected, it went well between the two. They knew each other since college and were great friends, and now, they’re good business partners. 

“Likewise, Barnes,” Tony says smiling before giving him a pointed look, “I’m expecting your attendance at my wedding. You better fly your ass there, or I’m withdrawing from this contract we just signed.” 

He actually can’t, but knowing Tony he’d probably do his magic and make it possible. Bucky chuckles and feigns nervousness as he pretends to wipe off his sweat. 

“Well, I guess I have no choice but to fly to Barbados!” He exclaims before laughing. You discreetly smile in your laptop at their friendship. You have noticed that Bucky is very relaxed around Tony and not tense like he was in the last meeting with Alexander Pierce. That meeting did not go well and that stupid proposal from Pierce went down the drain along Bucky’s approval. You carefully watch Bucky nod as Tony updates him with his fiancee, Pepper Potts, with a happy look on his face. However, you also notice a hint of longing in his eyes as Tony talks about the love of his life. 

That is the only thing Bucky is missing. A billionaire and a CEO of one of the top manufacturing tech companies all over the world is not as fulfilling as it sounds when he’s got no one to share it with. Sure, he’s sexually active and still finds time to get on with women;  women who only care for his body and his money. He doesn’t even remember half their names. 

He longs for a partner – a life-long companion that he can fall in love and start a family with. At 38 years old, he’s way past the idea of only living to work. He wants to continue working while settling down. As he thinks of this, his gaze inadvertently drops at you, smirking when he caught you already staring at him. 

Your heart skips a beat, eyes slightly widening before looking back at the screen. Shit, he saw you. Your cheeks heat up, fully aware that he’s still looking at you, and you start to type random letters to busy yourself. You hear Tony bid his goodbye signaling that he’s leaving. You look back up and give the other CEO  a smile which he returns. 

Bucky clears his throat, grabbing your attention which makes you look back at him. You unconsciously start chewing your bottom lip and hope that he doesn’t mention your staring because you will definitely die of embarrassment.

“So,” he clasps his hands together, walking towards you, “I’m sure you heard my conversation with Tony. His wedding is in a week which means that I’ll be flying to Barbados and will be gone for 4 days,” he pauses before looking at your lips that you’re still chewing on to which he internally groans at. His eyes snap back up before continuing, “So, uh, work still continues, yeah? It won’t be much of a vacation since 4 days is a lot.” 

You nod in acknowledgement while preparing to start jotting down his reminders which he usually gives when he’s leaving for a trip. Your fingers position along the keyboards before humming, urging him to continue. 

“Since I have another board meeting to discuss, I’m going to be needing assistance all throughout as well as immediate communication. Normally, I’d have Wanda course everything, but she just took her Maternity leave, as you know, so I’ll have direct contact with you instead.”

You nod once again and smile, as you think about your friend with her firstborn. It’s crazy how you're the same age, but are living very different lives. You, being much lonelier and single. 

“Alright, Mr. Barnes. I’ll make sure to keep my line on so there will not be any delays. You can count on me on that,” 

He gives you a look for a brief moment before letting out a laugh and shaking his head. You look up at him in confusion, trying to figure out what was funny. Is he messing with you or..?

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I –– I think you misunderstood me,” he paused giving you a softer look, “You’re coming with me.” 

You blink. Once. Twice. 

If your heart kept skipping beats earlier, now it completely stopped. Did you hear him right? Coming with him? To Barbados? What? 

“What?” You voiced out your thoughts staring at him, dumbly, “I mean –– what? Are you serious?” 

Bucky smiles at your stunned expression, noticing how he gets you to lose your composed, professional state in seconds. He finds your disbelief adorable  as if he suggested something crazy. Technically, he did, but being a CEO means that his normal is far different from others. 

“Maybe I should have led with that but,” he takes a seat on his desk across you, “you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll have you covered. We leave on Sunday so you should already start packing if you must.” 

You blink at him once again, a bit overwhelmed with the surge of information. Sure, you’ve travelled before, but it wasn’t as spontaneous as this. Who the hell casually asks someone to fly to an island with him – to his friend’s wedding,  at 11am in the morning?

 Oh, right. Rich people. 

“For the wedding…” You trailed off realizing that this was a personal event and you wouldn’t want to intrude.  You see the corner of his lips subtly turn upwards and  how amused he is at how you’re taking in all this. It was sudden, yes, but he almost wants to tell you to start getting used to it. 

“You’re coming with me, if that’s alright. Tony doesn’t really mind, and he already knows you. As usual, he really goes all out with everything and his wedding has a bunch of… pre-celebration events, if you would call it. So, yes, you’re coming with.” 

You slowly nod, and your heart warms at the thought of attending one of his best pal’s wedding with him. There’s something so personal with it, and you want to pinch yourself for having these thoughts. Clearly, it’s a work thing. 

“Is that alright? I do apologize for overwhelming you, but I figured it would be better to tell you as soon as possible.” He cuts your thoughts off. 

You smile at him and nod. Of course it’s alright. First, he’s your boss so technically, you have to do as he says. Next, you’re going on a trip with him. To an island. At his friend’s wedding. What more could you ask for? 

“Absolutely. Thank you, Sir.” 

-

“To Barbados, Nat. Barbados!” You frantically rummage through your summer/tropical clothing right when you got home to see if there’s anything you may possibly need while your cousin casually rests on your bed. “Uh,” you glare, “a  little help, maybe?” 

Natasha rolls her eyes at your flustered state. As she is  naturally a laid back person, your whole life together has consisted of you panicking and her telling you to chill. She suspects that it has something to do with your upbringing, as your mom constantly pressured you even as a child. She also thinks about your ex who treated you like absolute shit for 3 years, but you didn’t have the courage to break up with him until you finally did. 

She wants to thank your boss for bringing excitement into your life. You’re a very fun person to be around, but she also knows how little you give credit yourself, let alone, have fun. Natasha cares for you so much that she’ll kill anyone who’ll hurt you. She would’ve killed your ex if you didn’t stop her. 

“Y/N. Take a breath. You really won’t find what you need if you keep throwing your clothes across your room.” She says as she glances at the mess you made. 

“You’re right,” you sighed, “the lack of planning and the spontaneity of this whole situation is making my mind go crazy.” You make your way to your cousin and lie down beside her as she gives you a hug. Nat is really like your big sister. You wouldn’t have learned how to suck it up if it weren’t for her. 

She rubs your back comfortingly before giving you a tight squeeze, “Everything’s gonna be fine, Y/N/N. We can make a list of the things you need and start from there. Think of it this way,” she smirks and wiggles her eyebrows, “you’re going to Barbados with your extremely hot boss that you’ve been crushing on for the longest time. You might actually get it on with him.”

You hit her with a pillow before groaning as you bury your face into one. Your stress came from the sudden trip, and another was really cause you were very excited for it. The thought of spending time with Bucky made your whole body tingle of excitement. 

“Shut up! If only..” 

“It’s true!” She exclaims smiling at you. She can feel you relax, probably realizing that it’s not as bad as you visioned. 

Then suddenly, you tense up when your phone rings and tense up even more (if possible) reading the Caller ID. 

“Oh my god, it’s Bucky.” Shit. You clear your throat and take a deep breath before answering, “Hello?” 

Natasha is impressed with the way you were able to compose yourself so quickly, when you were literally dying on your bed earlier. She thinks it’s because of how many times you’ve done it in the past.

“Y/N, hello! I just wanted to give you a heads up so you don’t get surprised, but I felt a little bad for overwhelming you earlier. I will have something delivered to you in awhile, so just expect that.” 

“Delivered..? Like.. I mean, is it like –” you were cut off by the buzzing of your doorbell which Bucky must have heard. 

“It’s just a little something to make up for the short notice. Bring it as you pack.” You can hear him smile through the phone making you smile as well even if you were a little confused. 

“Oh, okay. Thank you, sir, you really didn’t have to.” 

Through the phone, Bucky smiles at how sincere and polite you sound. Suddenly, he just feels the need to spoil you with gifts, but he’ll have to wait. 

“Please, I wanted to. Now go, I think my chauffeur is at your place with my gift. Before you wonder why I know where you live, I have the files of my employees so don’t worry.” He chuckles to which you laugh at. 

“I figured,” you smile widely, “I’ll go grab the package, Sir. Thank you again.” 

“It’s my pleasure.” He says before ending the call. 

You and Nat stare at each other in anticipation before she tells you not to keep his chauffeur waiting and get the package. You open the door and you are greeted by Bucky’s chauffeur, Thor.

“Hello, Ms. Y/N. I believe Mr. Barnes has already informed you of this package he has intended for you to receive.” He smiles warmly with two boxes on his hands. 

“Oh, wow, there are two?” Your eyes widen at the expensive looking boxes resting on his hands. He was a big guy, so the one of the boxes didn’t look as large but as it was being handed over to you, you have come to realize that it was massive. “Thank you, Thor.” 

He nods and smiles in acknowledgement and you see him give you a knowing smile before leaving. Natasha excitedly runs towards you pulling you to your living room. 

“Holy shit! Oh my god, wait, open it now.” 

You let out a nervous breathy laugh before unboxing them. You open the first and gasp as you lift up a muted ocean-colored dress with intricate detailing of sheer lace. 

“Holy shit.” You repeat as you gawk at the beautiful dress. It feels expensive (and obviously is) and you almost didn’t want to accept it. You open the other and are met with a pair of simple dangling earrings with a matching dainty necklace. You read the card along with it, in his handwriting, 

For the wedding. 

                                James 

You stare at Nat and she stares back, both of you astounded at what just transpired. You think that because he’s a billionaire, he probably doesn’t think that this is a lot to give to someone –– his employee, but it really is a lot for you. You’re in shock as you stare at his gifts. On cue, your phone gets a notification indicating that you received a text message from the person consuming your thoughts. 

1 New Message –– Mr. James Barnes: 

I hope you like it.

You stare at your phone before typing,

 Mr. Barnes, I truly appreciate your gifts, but I don’t think I can accept these..

You chew on your nails, anxiously looking at Nat who was anticipating his reply as well. In a matter of seconds you receive a message from him.

It’s really just a simple something, and they will look perfect on you. I expect to see you wear them – that’s an order from your boss. :) 

Your heart swells and your face breaks into a smile. Simple something my ass. 

003

A/N: Please send an as if you want to be tagged! As usual, feedback, comments, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated!  ++ requests open if anyone is interested. Keep safe, loves!

TAGLIST: 

@extremelyblackandwhite  @ineffabl-y @marvelousnh  @nightlygiggles  @chontellaa  @niahmariec  @jensenradalecki   @spideyxxboi

[somuchcolour]

WIP fic rec list

So I have a shit ton of important things to do so I was like, so what better time to make a WIP rec list of fics that are currently (hopefully) updating.

I know wips get a bad rap but I personally enjoy feeling like I’m in 1830s paris waiting for the next chapter of illusions perdues to drop. Also these authors are giving us sweet sweet entertainment and they deserve the hype. All stories deserve love no matter their completion status.

In no particular order:

A Brief History of Sex by Letzi

Never let it be said that Castiel Novak is not a passionate man. He doesn’t seem like he is at first glance, he’s willing to admit that. But what he does in life, everything that he does, in fact, in life, has been in the pursuit of passion.

He’s not sure how it landed him night after night sitting inside a cramped closet in a brothel’s bedroom, watching a prostitute get fucked from behind by one of her clients through a peephole, but that’s where he finds himself these days.

He has to make do with what he has.

--

ABO AU based on the TV Show Masters of Sex and the life and work of Virginia Johnson and William Masters, the pioneers of sex therapy.

A Priori by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings   

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are headed to Hogwarts.

Castiel, as a member of the old Novak wizarding family, is fully expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw, like all of his ancestors before him. Dean, as a Muggle-born, has no idea what the Houses even are. With a surprise sorting and classes starting soon afterwards, they're both pitched headfirst into the unknown - and they find themselves in competition with each other almost at once, both of them needing to prove themselves to the people they left at home, and the people with them at Hogwarts.

Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Dean and Cas learn what it means to prove yourself, what it takes to discover who you are, what it feels like to fall in love, and what it is they'll fight for - what matters most of all.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion by ForeverShippingJohnlock    

Castiel Novak is a zombie. Or rather, a "partially deceased syndrome sufferer." Treated and on medication, Castiel is deemed fit to return to living society. Whether society is ready to accept him or not is another matter entirely.

Dean Winchester is an active member of the Human Volunteer Force, a group determined to eliminate the undead. With his father as the leader of the HVF, Dean has spent years learning that PDS sufferers are scum, treated or not, and Dean wants nothing more than to make his dad proud.

Against all odds, the two boys form an unlikely friendship that makes Dean question everything he knows and believes, while Castiel thinks that maybe his second life isn't such a curse after all.

A story of love and loss, life and death, and everything in between.

Beyond Our Waking Eyes by abbythebollix    

Dean Winchester is troubled, Sam Winchester is growing up and Castiel Milton is too fucking hot for his own good.

Cupid's Fiery Shaft by ChasingRabbits               

When Gabriel Milton is forced into working on the school's annual Shakespeare play, he finds himself drawn to one person in particular--a techie named Sam Winchester.

While waiting on numerous universities to dictate the next major step in his life, Sam has been blowing off steam with his friend, lab partner, and (unknowingly) Gabriel's stepbrother, Castiel Novak.

Castiel Novak: a swimmer and one of the school's resident oddballs, who finds himself in a quandary upon meeting Sam's older brother, Dean.

Dean Winchester: gruff-voiced automechanic by day and culinary genius/MegaNerd by night, who might not be as heterosexual as he lets everybody believe.

If it sounds complicated, that's only because it is.

Now That's Comedy by CaptainMercy42     

Comedy. It's what Winchester's did. Winchester's, and about a million other dumb fucks with an iPhone and 140 character witticisms about their first world problems. It was not supposed to bug him when no-talent "wordsmiths" got highlighted in a bit on Ellen or Bob and Tom. But it did.

His dad, well he was great at it. It was dark comedy. It came from a dark place; the loss of a wife and the life of a morally bankrupt single dad, almost innocent in how thoroughly unprepared he was for fatherhood.  Substance abuse in itself provided jokes for days. The material actually outlasted his dear old dad. This surprised no one. What was surprising was Sam's decision to ditch college and do his own act, despite his lingering bitterness.

The first night Dean saw Sam perform was also the first night Dean saw Castiel perform.

Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by linoresearch   

The year is 1722 and across the oceans merchant ships are hounded by pirates. Killing and stealing their way to infamy, the Winchesters plague the trade-routes to the New World, leaving a trail of death and devastation across the Spanish Main. They are villains, and every ship that sails under the colours of the Royal Navy has been tasked with bringing them to justice; sentenced to hang by the neck until dead.

When the lookout of the navy frigate, the Lady Mary, calls ship-ahoy from the crow’s nest, first-mate Lieutenant Castiel Novak has no idea how his life is about to change. In a swash-buckling adventure across the high-seas, Castiel faces sea-monsters, ghost-ships, and much more, in the race to secure a valuable and dangerous prize. Thrown in among the pirates aboard the Black Impala, he also learns that Captain Dean Winchester can be hard to resist.

Number 1 Crush by Duckyboos                

Dean, Benny, Charlie, Garth, and Cas are old college buddies. In their thirties now, they meet up once a year to shed their adult responsibilities for a week. This year it's Garth's turn to choose where they go and he's still as obsessed with horror and weird shit as he was back in college. He ends up picking a supposedly deserted hotel in the friggin' mountains. The place is creepy as hell and as night falls, two things become increasingly apparent. One: the place isn’t as deserted as they first thought, and two: Dean’s college stalker is back from the dead.

Dial 'M' For Monster by Duckyboos    

By day, Dean Winchester bakes cupcakes. He owns his own bakery (Stairway to Leaven) and people come from all over state to try his delicious vegan red velvet. By night, he’s a fighter of supernatural evil.

Castiel Novak owns the small town's only motel (The Resting Place). He has a problem; he thinks rooms 6 & 11 are haunted.  It’s not like he can just look up a local ghost hunter in the phone book though, now is it?

Oh, he can? Sweet.

All The Other Places by Englandwouldfall                

As is usually the way with this crap, nothing is that simple. Part 4 of Beach House       

Shades of Mediocrity by Englandwouldfall               

Dean needs to rearrange his life all over again, regroup, restart and work out what the hell to do next.Castiel needs to learn where to channel his heart break, among other things.   Part 4 of Home            

The Taming of the Dudes by Englandwouldfall  

They've been doing this long enough and successfully enough that Dean kind of feels they shouldn't be arguing over something as serious as the mortgage. Part 5 of As you like it       

Two and a Half Sheets to the Wind by Englandwouldfall        

The whole point of working on a cruise ship was to escape everything, so the last thing he needs is to run into a guy who makes him a little too honest on the first day of a month long stint around Europe.

With Interest by everandanon     

In which sought-after bad boy Castiel Novak agrees to make awkward, nerdy sophomore Dean Winchester fall in love with him for a bet, and quickly finds himself in over his head — but by the time he realizes his mistake, it’s too little, too late . . .

Fast-forward 11 years, and as guilty as Cas still feels, he has bigger problems to deal with. Grieving his twin brother and struggling to provide the care his niece deserves, Cas finally sucks it up and moves back home in an effort to hold things together.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before he runs into Dean - Dean, who's all grown up and even more beautiful than Cas always suspected he'd be. Dean, who says he wants to be friends, and is clearly much better at a game Cas hasn't played since he broke Dean's heart.

Dean, who might not be the forgive-and-forget type, after all . . .

Quarantension by everandanon  

In which Dean and Cas weather quarantine together like any Good Friends would — by developing outstanding skills in self-deception and providing all the casual affection and strictly platonic* orgasms the other could possibly need to make it through.** *Really not platonic **Spoiler: They need a lot.

Fortress by imogenbynight         

Five years ago, a malignant mass removed from John Winchester's temporal lobe left behind a quietly ticking bomb that nobody noticed until it decimated everything. Five years ago, John dragged Dean away from everything he'd ever known, hellbent on rescuing him from an imagined threat that felt more real to him than the blood on his hands. Five years ago, Castiel let Dean's hand slip through his fingers as he rescued Sam from what he'd thought was a more immediate threat.

For five years, Castiel has wondered if there was some way he could have saved Dean, too.

Now, with a phone call that he'd all but given up hoping for, Castiel has a chance to try again.

It's Kind of a Funny Story by deathsteel    

After an aborted suicide attempt lands Castiel Shurley in the hospital, he meets Dean Winchester, a charming damaged young man who is much more than first meets the eye.  Not being able to deal with the stress of growing up may have gotten him here and being hopelessly in love with his best friend's girlfriend probably didn't help, but Castiel soon learns that sometimes it takes  going a little crazy to find the path you were always meant to be on.

Loosely based on the movie/book by Ned Vizzini 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'.

Just A Schoolboy Crush by Zombiecat    

Castiel has a cliche crush on the highschool football all-star, Michael Ashton. Even though he's fully aware he's doomed to longing looks and pining in silence, it wouldn't be so bad if his best friend, Charlie, hadn't told Dean. Dean Winchester never seemed to miss a chance to get under his skin but for some reason he starts acting odd when he hears about Castiel's big secret.

God, Make Small by komodobits               

The last plane into McMurdo before the six-month winter brings a new face, an astronomer on transfer from one of the inland observatories. Truthfully, Dean doesn't know shit about neutrino particles; he's just the guy who gets paid to move the equipment from A to B and tries to keep it from getting broken and/or frozen solid. Castiel Novak's awkward, endearing smile is an additional bonus. However, the relentless blue night is brewing coldly for a storm, and it's starting to look like Dean and Castiel might be the only ones left out on the ice.\

Legacies by vanishingact    

Castiel Milton's uneventful life as a Massachusetts lawyer gets a little strange in the fall of 1887 when he is assigned to handle the late Henry Winchester's estate and his client's distractingly handsome grandson arrives to take up residence in the old manor house. As an unlikely friendship (with a side of pining) develops, the house slowly coughs up its secrets and reveals a whole world of trouble that Dean never knew his grandfather kept hidden.

The Game of God by seperis           

You can't win a war for humanity by sacrificing all of your own. Part 4 of Down to Agincourt        

Sequins and Spirals by euphemology  

Dean Winchester is a world-renowned figure skater who hails from the “good old U.S. of A.” He is well on his way to the 2014 Winter Olympics, but there’s one small problem: so is his arch-rival, Polish skater Castiel Novak. Competition is definitely not going to be easy, but it gets even harder when the two men get assigned to the same room in the Olympic Village.

Show Me How To Love by universalromance    

A new family of kids at Lawrence High School brings a new perspective to Dean's life, especially when he becomes inexplicably drawn to the youngest of the siblings, a severely autistic boy who has never spoken or touched anybody in his entire life. Rating will possibly go up later. Possibly upsetting psychological subject matter.

The Process by Soupernabturel           

“Dean, hands to yourself please.”

The man in question straightens up in his chair, turns his flirty smile from the man two seats from him and onto officer Novak. “Sorry, Cas.”

“Cas?” Hannah asks.

“We get some regulars. They come to know a few of the officers, the patrol officers, especially.” Novak explains, the look on his face, almost slightly bored, slips a little. “As you know, I’m usually the one monitoring the Strip.”

 Police!Officer Cas is being filmed at work (A-la: Jail Las Vegas) for a reality TV show. Meanwhile Dean is a sex worker, not only familiar with the Strip’s booking process, but with a certain blue-eyed officer.

Start With a Name by cumberbellins, frickenapplepie (cumberbellins)    

Waking up in a stranger's living room with a blue eyed man staring down at you isn't the most pleasant experience ever. Dean Winchester can tell you that. Another thing Dean Winchester can tell you is that whenever you have to break into your brother's apartment, you should make sure that you got the right window.

starving in your gravity by alullabytoleaveby   

Dean has enough on his plate. Really.

There's his job as a paramedic for the local hospital and, while he loves it, loves getting to help people, the hours are long and the pay leaves much to be desired. There's his definitely-not-a-relationship with Castiel, the hot ER doctor, where's he's completely out of his depth emotionally. And then there's his brother, who's just dropped out of law school and has no idea what he's going to do now.

So what he definitely does not need is his alcoholic deadbeat dad stumbling back into his life.

Make Damn Sure by SurlyCat      

Dean Winchester is not thrilled about taking an office job at one the most powerful media corporations in the country. His work has always been hands on, but when Charlie tells him about the job opening and its comfortable salary, the temptation is just too great to turn down. And really, it wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the blue-eyed man that also works there.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have crossed paths far too often over the last 12 years, with an unsavory outcome nearly every time. This time though, walking away is just not an option as they're forced to collaborate on a project and learn to navigate each other like civilized human beings. For Dean and Cas though, nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

...In Bed by SurlyCat                

Dean Winchester and Castiel Milton met on a rainy summer day over a broken down car. Even though Castiel is nosy and seems to have no filter, Dean still finds himself drawn to the man. Over time they become friends, and over time, Dean falls for Cas, certain that Cas is uninterested. What Dean doesn't know is that his friend hasn't always been quite so tame, and Cas is careful to keep it that way. Who would've thought that a fortune cookie and a childish game would be responsible for bringing out the truth?

Tag, You're It! by Kitmistry   

Five months after the case that almost claimed their lives, what started as blowing off some steam during a high-pressure situation and continued as a mutually-beneficial arrangement is getting out of Special Agent Castiel Novak’s control. Falling in love with his partner is doomed to end in disaster, especially when said partner is Special Agent Dean Winchester—cocky, infuriating, and the biggest playboy Castiel has ever met.

Still on medical leave, Dean is bored out of his mind, and worst of all - once Castiel gets sucked into the investigation of a new case - without enough distractions from his inner demons. When he stumbles upon a small, seemingly risk-free case, Dean jumps at the chance to get involved, but the lies he has to tell could be catastrophic for the already shaky foundations of his relationship with Castiel.

With a new threat trying to take over the underworld of DC, Castiel and Dean have to find a way to work past their problems or risk losing each other forever.

Part 2 of The H Files       

The Supernatural Edification of Dean Winchester by OverlordoftheBees   

Based on TV Series “Afterlife”. Professor Castiel Novak (MA Berkeley, PhD Harvard) is an academic who has staked his credibility upon his ability to decompress and deconstruct the mythology surrounding mediums, clairvoyants and all things "new age spiritualist". That is, until a routine trip with a graduate class brings him into contact with medium Dean Winchester: uniquely gifted, supremely abrasive and desperate for a way out. When Dean touches on the tragedy marring Castiel’s past, his neatly constructed worldview is decimated. There is only a veil between life and death, as both well know. And as Castiel finds himself increasingly drawn to Dean, the fragility of that barrier is strained to its limit.

These Are the Nights by vintagenoise         

After a sudden tragedy, Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester reflect back on their youth in the beachside town of Sileas, Oregon, and all the lessons they learned on the path that led them to each other.In the Winter of 2008, Castiel visits his boyfriend, Dean, for Christmas. Despite all the big issues he and Dean have dealt with in the past, they've never had the chance to sort through the little things. Castiel is sure that their plans, from embarking on a road trip together, to spending time with the Winchesters, can only be good for their relationship. There's just one little problem that needs to finally be confronted: sex, and Castiel's difficulty with it.In the Summer of 2009, Dean and Sam visit their estranged father and his new family, who reluctantly allow Castiel to visit through Independence Day. All Dean wants is for his family and his boyfriend to get along, but between John's struggle to accept his son's sexuality, and his wife Kate's strange attitude towards Castiel, he's not sure he'll be able to make it work. Part 7 of Young Volcanoes                

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Welcome To The World, LittleBean: A Life Update

Dear Future Husband,

My sister had the baby! And it made me depressed.

I kind of receded from the world for a couple of weeks and stopped talking to people I enjoy talking to, and stopped doing things I enjoy doing, and kind of stayed in my room unless it was absolutely necessary to leave.

Why, might you ask, would I have done such a thing as a response to such a happy event?

Well, for some of the reasons I've written about previously. The emotional weight of the sadness that comes along with seeing a younger sibling live through something you yourself desire but feel you'll never have, is probably the biggest.

But another reason I've been really down is because of my mother.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has problems.

I think I've mentioned this previously, but if/when I marry, I will most definitely be marrying INTO a family and as "out" of my own as I possibly can.

MotherLivelyHeart suffers from anxiety and depression. Shocker, I know.

In fact, my inner voice is comprised mainly of her criticism and negativity. Shocker, I know.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has never really wanted to be a mother, as far as I can tell. Shocker? ...I dunno.

When I was growing up, my mother used to always say "I only had children for the grandkids" and everyone would laugh. But HAHA! it wasn't a joke. I figured out pretty early on that she was kind of serious with that statement.

But nothing in my life confirmed that until she was on the phone with her machutanim on the day LittleBean was born and repeated that sentiment to them.

So, all my life, she's struggled with being the parent she never wanted to be in order for us to have offspring that she could love and adore and spoil and then send home to their parents without having to parent herself.

THIS is the "home" I came from.

THIS is the parenting I received.

It's absolutely no wonder I'm so screwed up.

My mother has been overbearing my entire life. And a lot of it comes from her own insecurities and anxieties and lack of the world living up to her expectations. Which is kind of understandable.

The problem comes when those expectations come at the cost of other peoples' comfort and safety.

LilSis had a c-section. The baby wasn't exactly breached, but was flipped at a weird angle and stuck. The baby was also a meconium baby, so while it was already over a week past the due date, LilSis thought she still had time. But as it turned out there wasn't any time because when she went for what she thought was a routine check up, they induced her and after two days of labor and nothing happening, they did the c-section.

Now, LilSis made it clear earlier this year that she didn't want anyone at the hospital with her aside from her doula and husband. No visitors, family included. The rest of us seemed to accept this, but MotherLivelyHeart just kind of smirked and went, "yeah, ok, we'll see about that."

And I get that LilSis is her baby.

I get that it's not easy to see your child suffer.

I get that she's been waiting her whole life to be a grandmother.

I get that she's had expectations about what it would be like to meet her grandchildren, especially her first grandchild.

I. GET. IT.

But when LilSis facetimed and showed us the baby and B"H the baby looked fine but LilSis was clearly too pale and weak and dizzy and needed to get off the phone, but again repeated that she didn't want anyone coming to the hospital, dear old MotherLivelyHeart's response was that she wanted to "surprise" them at the hospital.

"I don't need to ask permission."

"I'm not a 'visitor', I'm her MOTHER."

"I don't need permission to see my own daughter."

"I know what she needs, I'll just drop it off, give her a hug and leave."

"I don't need to see her, I just want to see the baby."

UHM, NOOOOOOOOO.

Your daughter is almost 30.

She's been married for over half a decade.

She has a right to her space and her boundaries for her little nuclear family and YOU ARE CROSSING THEM by even THINKING that would be acceptable.

And the next day, my mother called LilSis and asked her about something she wanted to bring with her. LilSis made it clear that she didn't want anyone to come. When my mother didn't seem to get this, my brother in law texted her a kind "now isn't a good time" message and my mother felt "ganged up on".

She went into a tailspin.

"They don't like me."

"What did I ever do to them that they hate me so much?"

"I've been dissed and dismissed."

"They've cut me out of their lives."

And sooooooo many other thoughts along those lines.

There isn't even enough space here to describe all the insane things she did as a response to this "rejection" she was experiencing.

She was 100000000000% projecting her own thoughts, expectations, and experiences with her own c-section onto LilSis and the whole situation was absurd.

Then LittleBean ended up back in the hospital because of some complications and LilSis and her husband still wanted space.

Now, what MotherLivelyHeart doesn't know, because I will never tell her, is that I saw LittleBean before she did.

Because I'm actually supportive and respectful of boundaries, when they got home LilSis and her husband allowed me to come by and drop stuff off, and run some errands for them (while they were still keeping overbearing MotherLivelyHeart at arms length). So I met LittleBean like 3 or 4 times. And the babes is absolutely precious. <3

LilSis and her husband finally let MotherLivelyHeart over this past week to meet LittleBean and help out and it's like a switch was flipped. Suddenly everything for MotherLivelyHeart is sunshine and rainbows and I legit can't handle the mood swings.

But I digress....

One night last week I drove around and cried and screamed for an hour.

It absolutely sucks when you have no one to talk to.

Which brings me to the next part of my life update:

I finally spoke to a therapist.

So, I thought I was ghosted by the therapist I wanted to speak to. It took a few days, but he finally responded there was an issue with his online scheduler and he needed me to reschedule.

Fine, whatever.

I rescheduled for two weeks from that date (which had already been rescheduled from two weeks prior). So, now it's been a month and a half.

Fine, whatever.

Well, my meeting with him ended up being earlier this week. As it turns out, this therapist I wanted to speak to isn't taking on new clients at the moment, so he was acting more as triage for his practice and had a 15 minute zoom call with me before picking a therapist from his practice he thought I'd connect with.

So the next night I had an hour and a half zoom call with her and she's absolutely lovely and has experience working with children and adults who have experienced similar situations to the one I'm in.

For $120 I had my thought processes and experiences validated.

But that's pretty much it.

She told me I sound pretty level headed and understand what's healthy and what's not healthy in my life and in my past (which is one of the problems with being an overthinker, overanalyzer, and having done extensive research to try and figure out WTF is wrong with me), and she told me there are some exercises to try and reduce stress because it's clear that I'm overstressed and have been since I was a child, and even possibly since birth.

But these are all things I knew already. These are all things I've validated for myself. Yes, it's nice to hear a specialist say the same things, but for $120!?

I literally had to use unemployment money to pay for that. Unemployment that I'm going to have to end pretty soon.

How on EARTH am I supposed to be able to afford continued therapy when it costs so bloody much!?

It's absolutely awful that the people who need therapy the most are the ones who can't afford it.

And I found an organization that claims to help anyone who asks without needing an explanation, so I messaged them a brief "my life is a mess and I need to talk to a therapist. I found someone I think I can connect with, but it costs $120." and they sent me $10.

They said they help anyone who asks without an explanation.

I gave a valid explanation with a specific amount requested.

And they sent me $10.

It just so often feels like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Like I'm a joke to Hashem.

This random organization was like a beacon in the dark. A sign from Hashem that if I reach out for help, I can receive it.

He put this organization into my path and awareness just at the time that I needed it.

All so that He could mock me.

OF COURSE the therapy practice I chose doesn't take insurance.

Not that it would help, because my OBAMAdoesntCARE has been PENDING SINCE OCTOBER.

So OF COURSE I have to pay out of pocket.

And OF COURSE it costs so damn much.

And OF COURSE when I reach out for help I get laughed at.

What did they think I was supposed to do with the $10?

That's literally 1/12 of what I needed.

Even the Torah has us give more than that in maaser.

I legitimately don't understand.

Where do I have to go and what do I have to do to get a sugar daddy to pay for this so I can get my goddamn life in order!?

I'm literally drowning out here and God is throwing me half-deflated pool floaties.

On the bright side, I keep making amazing non-Jewish internet friends.

Do you know how much that sucks?

That I'm literally getting more support from non-Jewish internet friends that live halfway across the world than I am from my own community?

And it sucks even more to know that Hashem put those people into my path too!!

He literally keeps giving me things that He knows will make me feel worse because they make me feel better but also disconnected from the Jewish community, and not giving me things that would make me feel better and closer to Him and the Jewish community.

What am I supposed to do with that knowledge!?

I've often wondered if maybe I just wasn't meant to be Jewish. Like maybe there was some mistake and my mother isn't really Jewish and therefore I'm not Jewish and this is Hashem's way of telling me that I just need to separate myself from the Jewish world and go seek a secular life because that's truly who I'm supposed to be.

Except that my parents were married by a really chashuv community rav who did his research and would not have married my parents if there'd been even one safek as to her Jewishness.

And so, I'm stuck.

I'm stuck feeling constantly disconnected from the community that's supposed to be my rock and support. By the God who's supposed to be merciful and kind.

It's exhausting.

Are you out there? Do you feel the same? Are you a BT or ger or someone else who has lived both lives and can explain to me why yiddishkeit is better?

I have too much Jewish guilt to walk away from any of this, but I have too much mental stress to keep striving to be a part of it.

It's utterly exhausting to be stuck in the middle.

I hope you're doing better than I am.

-LivelyHeart

[prettyboybarzal]

tattoos together (5) // tyler seguin

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4)

pairing: tyler seguin x reader

summary: it’s the off-season and tyler is off to canada to see his fam bam!! 

(off-season in canada!! awkward friendships!!! and JAMIE BENN!!! yeehaw!)

word count: 1k+ (another shorty, but i’m trying to get to a certain point, so bare with me) ((there will be a part two to this chapter specifically, so you’ll get more off-season canada content))

author’s note: again, i’m sorry that i’m slacking with updating this. not feeling ~motivated~ so if you like this story, give me a lil holler so i know that someone’s enjoying it other than myself lol

warnings: a curse (literally i think 1 single curse?) and that’s all?? ((if you find anything else let your girl know)) 

July 2017

Tyler was satisfied with the way that you’d left things before he left LA. With the promise that everything would go back to normal, he felt okay again. And he wasn’t disappointed. For the weeks following it felt like you would talk every single day. But, as the months went by, and hockey season came to a head, Tyler started reaching out less and less.

He didn’t mean to fade from your life like that again, but things were a little hectic in Dallas. Besides, he was sure you were just as busy because you didn’t reach out any more than he did.

When the season came to an end, he booked his flights to head home for the off season. And then he booked tickets for Maisy to visit as well.

The first month at home was great. He got time in with all his favorite people, caught up with his sisters, snuggled his mom. It felt normal, until Jackie Seguin started prying.

“So, Ty,” she started as she made dinner one night. Tyler glanced up at her with a raised eyebrow, knowing where this conversation was about to go. “Have you spoken to my California girl lately?”

“Actually, no,” he answered. “Not really.”

“Well, why not?”

“Things have changed,” he told her. “Like, drastically. We’re okay now, but I don’t think it’ll ever go back to the way it was.”

“How come?”

Tyler stared at her for a moment, thinking about the proper way to answer her question. He knew that things probably could go back to normal, if he broke up with Maisy that is, but even then he wasn’t sure you even felt about him the same way he felt about you. It certainly never seemed that way.

“Because I’m with Maisy,” he stated. “And that means YN’s gotta be at an arm’s length. If Mais found out what happened between us and I was still hanging around her all the time, she’d be pissed.”

Jackie hummed in response, and then let the conversation die.

When Maisy landed a week later, Tyler and his sisters went to pick her up. They embraced her with open arms, like he expected them to, and suddenly you were pushed to the back of his mind again.

The week was spent doing all the tourist-y things during the day, and with his family at night. Maisy was great, so thoughtful about helping Jackie around the house and making sure to bond with Tyler’s sisters. He appreciated it, but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t feel right bringing her home to them, even though they’d been together for the entire season. He wished it felt right.

He dropped Maisy off a week later, kissing her goodbye before she wheeled her luggage into the airport and left him for the next two months. He drove in silence for the entire way back to his house, and disappeared to his room once he got there. Candace appeared in his doorway not long after.

“She’s sweet, but I don’t see it.”

“Huh?”

“I like her,” she said. “But you don’t light up around her. It almost feels like you’re settling.”

Candace left the room before Tyler could protest or argue with her, and Tyler sat there with all these excuses on the tip of his tongue and no one to share them with.

It was midnight when he saw a Snapchat story of you with a glass of wine, also watching Netflix. It was only 9 p.m. in California, a Friday night too, and he was wondering what you were doing in on such a nice night. So, he called you.

“Ty!” you exclaimed. Tyler’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of your voice. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he answered. He shuffled up to lean against the headboard. “I just miss you. My entire family has been asking about you.”

“Really? I miss them.”

The silence that followed held a lot of weight.

“You should come visit,” Tyler offered. The moment the words left his lips he was shaking his head at himself, but he kept talking. “Just for, like, a weekend or whatever.”

“Yeah?” you asked. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, I don’t know, Ty,” you murmured. “I wouldn’t want your girlfriend to feel uncomfortable.” Tyler shoulders dropped. “You understand, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I get it,” he stated. “I just miss you, that’s all. Miss how things used to be. I miss Boston.”

“You don’t miss Boston,” you stated with a laugh. “You miss being young and unattached with a super hot, emotionally unavailable best friend.”

“Did you just call yourself super hot?”

“And emotionally unavailable,” you repeated. “Gotta build myself up and knock myself back down, you know? Keep myself humble.”

Tyler barked out a laugh, which only made you giggle a little harder.

“For the record,” Tyler said, “we may not be super young anymore, but you’re still very emotionally unavailable.”

“Mmm,” you hummed. His words, however playful they may have been, were honest. You were the most emotionally unavailable in that moment, more than you had been before the Tyler fiasco. “Isn’t it past midnight for you?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Go to sleep, Segs,” you said. Tyler sighed. “Thank you for the call, by the way. I like to hear your voice every once in a while.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“If Jamie came to visit, would you come?”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” you grunted to Jamie who stood beside you at baggage claim. Jamie chuckled. “It’s not a laughing matter. This is bound to make things worse between Tyler and I.”

“I don’t know how things could get worse,” he stated. “Seems like you’ve already hit rock bottom. You can only go up from here.”

You responded by slapping him in the chest before grabbing your luggage to storm outside. He was hot on your heels, a cheeky grin plastered across his face.

It had been a month since Tyler asked you to visit, a month since you turned the invite down. Yet, here you were, in Canada, in the middle of July.

You stood with Jamie, in silence, waiting for Tyler’s car to pull around. When it did, Jamie nudged you roughly and you nudged him back. Tyler bounded out of the car to envelope you and Jamie in a group hug. He exclaimed, “I’m so happy you guys are here!” He pulled away to grab you by the shoulders and said, “My mom’s so excited to see you.”

“I’m excited to see her,” you responded. “And my girls. And the boys!”

“Your girls?” Jamie asked.

“My sisters,” Tyler answered. “They like YN more than they like me.”

Jamie wasn’t at all surprised by the way Tyler’s family greeted you. And all he could think about is how much it probably sucked to be Maisy. There was no way they interacted with her the way they did with you, even he could tell.

The moment you entered the house you were whisked off to have some girl talk in the kitchen, the dogs readily following the commotion. Jackie ordered Tyler to bring your luggage to the guest room and Jamie was left out to dry as well, except Jackie promised lunch after she got to chat to you.

“Your family loves her,” Jamie noted as he followed Tyler up the stairs. Tyler nodded. “I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction for her arrival.”

“I was.”

There was a beat of silence until Jamie asked, “Do you regret this? Having her come?”

“I wish I could say yes,” Tyler responded. He placed your luggage down in the guest room and plopped down on the end of the bed. “Having her here feels like all the pieces are together, you know?”

“You shouldn’t be dating Maisy.”

“Well, I am,” Tyler said. “And I’m not going to break up with her because of some unresolved feelings I have for my emotionally unavailable friend. I’m not going through all that again just to get shot down. I’ll take what YN’s willing to give me.”

The plan was to stay for a week which was way more than you were willing to offer Tyler, but Jamie didn’t care. He wanted to go for a week, so you went for a week. The first two days were weird for you and Tyler, filled with shy glances and awkward silence. Every single time you found yourselves alone in a room, one of you left.

It wasn’t until the third day that Tyler worked up the nerve to get you alone. It was about an hour after dinner. You’d gone up to your room to get some work done, but left the door open in case anyone wanted to come distract you. Tyler walked by, shirtless with a pair of joggers on, then walked back to lean against your door frame.

“How’s work?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You blinked at him, eyes shifting to find your California poppy near his shoulder.

“Boring.”

“Do you care if I come distract you?” he asked. You shook your head, patting the space beside you. He walked over and tossed himself down onto his back, arms laying out beside him. Poppy, star. “What are you doing?”

“Reading a manuscript that needs editing,” you answered. He nodded, shifting his body to lean his back against your headboard. “It’s pretty good.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“It’s been a year now,” he stated. “Since you started there, since you moved to California.”

Since we last kissed, you thought.

“Yeah, crazy how fast time flies by,” you noted. He nodded. “It’s funny, they actually just opened up offices in Dallas. Did you know that?”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you answered. “It’s a small office, but I think they’re hoping to really blow it up out there. Some of my coworkers have moved to be a part of it.”

“Did they ask you?”

“No, not yet,” you said. Tyler’s eyebrows raised.

“Yet?”

“Well, I don’t know if they will,” you stated. “And I don’t know if I’d accept if they did. But, yeah, they asked some people. Not me.”

You were babbling.

“If they do ask, you should,” Tyler spoke up. You raised an eyebrow at him. “You should move to Dallas, if they offer.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

You stared at each other for a moment too long, you knew that. You really wanted to kiss him, really wanted to promise him that you’d move out to Dallas if they offered. But you didn’t like promising things you weren’t sure you could keep. Eventually, Tyler sighed and swung his feet off the bed.

“Well, if they offer it,” he said. “At least entertain the idea for a little bit. At least think about it.”

“Okay,” you said. Tyler leaned in then and placed a kiss to your temple, allowing his lips to linger for a moment before pulling away. “Goodnight, Ty.”

“Goodnight.”