#which makes it hard for me to write bc i get self critical

[subwillsolace]

hi beloved. i have a confession to make. i fear my responses to your fics have been lacking and i would like to get on my knees and apologize for my lack of affection. im not going to lie i feared if i were to constantly leave you an ask or comment (im a little shy with comments tbh mb because i could genuinely write 500 words per fic you write and idk if thats ok) on every. single. fic. you write. including your mediumgayitalian account. it would seem overbearing... but i have realized this continuous lapse in my judgement. now that i hear youre going to be very very busy in july i will cherish every bit of writing and every single post. and every post after july too. i apologize for acting like an emotionally unavailable boyfriend i swear i will rightfully show my appreciation for, no hyperbole, im being dead serious, my number one favorite author of all time in the years ive been reading fanfiction. lmk if youd like them through asks or comments. because i will SHOW you my appreciation. if that's okay with you.

oh my god beloved hi....lemme tell you a secret that is not a secret: i literally only post for the validation of comments and reblogs tbh.

i write for me. the stories are in my head already but when they are in my head they are blurry and inconsistent. to write them is relief and is also something for me to reread a bajillion times. i am my own target audience.

however.

like i have a blog and update it so often for the sole purpose of being appreciated. i know that is self-centered and egotistical and narcissistic blah blah blah. man Whatever. i want the attention of people noticing the work i care about 😭 like EYE know that the line i wrote was good and referenced something. i looked the reference up myself. but it is a special kind of pleasure to have SOMEONE ELSE notice that the line was good and referenced something. you know.

you could leave me forty comments on every fic every day and i would literally never get annoyed. like. this is my horny blog so i can say it but i am an attention whore. i like being appreciated. i like being showered in compliments. i am needy and i like knowing that people think im good.

anyways. thank you my dearest. no need for apologies. you could never be overbearing. you could ask me a million questions about every paragraph and it will take me time to get there but i'll answer them. thank you <3333

[itsrlymine]

HEYA it’s been a bit , this is 📀!!

IVE GOTTEN SO MUCHHHH MOREEE FROM APPLYING ALL YOUR INFO! (For context, this is a college student speaking)

My SP is obsessed with me and has the fattest crush on me LIKEE HE TEASES ME ALL THE TIME AND LAUGHS AT ALL MY JOKES EVEN IF IM NOT TRYING!!! He never wants to upset me and makes sure I know I can talk to him if anything. He comforts me when I’m frustrated or annoyed and usually will take my side unless I’m really wrong and need to be steered in the right direction. He truly values me!!!! He shows all the signs of liking me — the eyebrow raise when they see you, blushing in my presence, laughing at all my jokes (even the unfunny ones), making time for me, ETCCCC <3<3

I finally manifested therapy to heal from my emotionally ab***ve African mother AND MY THERAPIST IS LITERALLY EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINED HER: funny, intentional, educated, and direct. I LOVE HER OMG.

Getting material things that I want (it’s great because I never got what I wanted growing up but I’m not super obsessed with material things)

People chasing me left and right, tons of compliments and admiration and being able to see who isn’t really my friend. This brought me peace because I do want to have the RIGHT people in my life and I believe not everyone IS the right person. But I still love the positive attention although I’m REALLY shy bestie 🤭🤭

Princess treatment from my SP. he’s always offering to help me out and buy me things, the MINUTE I SAY I NEED SOMETHING, HES ALREADY LOOKING IN HIS BAG BEFORE I FINISH MY SENTENCE AND IM LIKE “😮” likeee okay backpack from Dora!!?!?!? OR h’ll be like “I can go get it for you?” LIKEEEEE and he’s so chivalry, old school gentleman. I REALIZE I MANIFESTED THIS BECAUSE I LISTENED TO SO MANY SP SUBLIMINALS WHEN I DIDNT HAVE AN SP AND NOW LOOK???? I trusted I’d match with the person who’s right for me and I DIDDDDD

I think women are into me BECAUSE?!?! (And everyone else better be next lmao) They’re always looking at me with heart eyes and I’m like stoppp before I kiss you by mistakeeee 🥰 LIKE OK I met this ADORABLE EXCHANGE STUDENT and she’s always so clingy and touchy in the sweetest and most wholesome way and she always blushes around me AND IM SHY BECAUSE I THINK SHES GORGEOUS AND I FEEL LIKE SHE THINKS IM A GODDESS AND OMG WHAT DO I DO JSIDDJDBDI she even giggles whenever I act cute (I think I’m destined to be a cutie pie like Chuu - the kpop idol who was in LOONA)

OK and in my Creative Writing class, EVERYONE WAS OBSESSED WITH MY STORY!!!!! I worked so hard on it and it was a LITTLE rushed (7 pages in a week…) BUT people still complimented it and only gave minor technical criticism, and they ALL WANTED TO KNOW MORE! And I was laughing so hard because they were being so sweet and funny omggggg 🥰😭🫶🏽

I LOVE MY WORLD I LOVE MY LIFEEEE OMG

And last thing, I’ve become so in love with MYSELF which I think is the most important thing about all this. I see myself as an iconic person, a goddess, someone who is loved and chased by all, a real work of art. I can’t look at myself and be negative because LOOK AT ME?!? Why would I lie? 🤨 I do deserve all this positivity and love and I won’t settle for less!!!!

THANK U FOR YOUR BLOG ILYSMMM 🥺❤️

Now I’m gonna go manifest being all cute and feminine to maximize the princess treatment and be babied and spoiled even more 😙 I want people wanting to protect me and hold me in their arms… 🥺 I’ll update!!! BYEEE

omg hi 📀 baby how are you??!! it's been a while wow i'm so happy to hear from you!! first of all, you better come through with all of these successes what the hell!!! i love that you got the type of therapist you wanted (bc why do some african mothers need to come with a therapist off rip omgg). ofc your sp is head over heels for you, why wouldn't he be? not you boutta have all the girls shook over you as well leave some of us ughhh! i think the best thing about this whole thing is about how we come back to self and appreciate ourselves for everything that we are. we might not have seen it before but once we do, there's no going back! congrats on the princess treatment and everything ugh isn't it the best???

[bitchslapblastoids]

interesting but predictable how some of the inherent uncanny valley strangeness of bringing something that exists in the chronically online space into the real world can manifest. I’ve noticed this at all the other tours of theirs as well - some people can have a hard time separating internet behaviors from irl behaviors, and the sudden merging of these compartmentalized ways of being (online vs offline) can be hard to navigate.

I think it can also make people uncomfortable to see their comedic silly billie faves being serious, and there’s a dissonance to seeing them, these characters who live on our screens, along with the audience around you who are typically just avatars and usernames shitposting in lowercase, all suddenly in the same physical room. And suddenly that often completely disparate, scattered, semi-anonymous community needs to adapt to social mores and group norms in a new social context. It’s taking a community with its own set of rules that were designed for and in response to a digital landscape and plonking it into a completely alien environment. And yeah, we’re all humans who exist in public outside of our internet lives, but it’s different when that happens but you’re still in the context of the phandom.

Which I think is what leads to things like shouting out rly profane, out of pocket things during the quieter moments of their shows. because if you comment something like that online, you won’t rly be interrupting anything. you might be ignored, you might get some laughs, maybe you’ll get a notice bc haha unhinged right. Or like treating an evacuation drill as a lol pass the tea yas mommy daniel moment instead of an oh we’re actually here in real life moment.

I went back to my tatinof review bc I remembered writing this - “someone behind me kept screaming at them to "GET NAKED" (particularly during silences in the 7 second challenge) to which everyone in my area responded with claps and laughter.” During my second TIT show, there were people around me who wolf whistled and shouted “kinky” and “ayo ok freaky” during totally inappropriate moments. I remember during Dan’s quieter bits of WAD people could not seem to just stay silent. (I have suffered complete amnesia when it comes to ii so I can’t speak to any part of that experience lol.) after the preshow and during intermission at tit, I heard separate people at separate times making a range of critical comments about Dan and Phil’s bodies in ways that were downright shocking and not how I hope they’d typically feel comfortable speaking about other humans.

I think on the whole, phannies are so lovely and kind to one another. I feel deep gratitude for this community. And I know this isn’t just a phandom thing; I think how we treat one another in public spaces has generally really eroded, and concert etiquette has become abysmally poor. But phandom, as always, is a little unique, because of the sense of mutual understanding and the co-created dynamic between us and d&p. It dissolves the boundaries, so when Dan tells you to shut up, your online brain tells you that’s just a chance to be funny with your fave. When you have a chance to be heard, your online brain provides a memey shitpost joke and your irl self shouts it out even though that ain’t the move in a theatre performance unless invited to do so.

No real conclusion here, just some observations about the rly unique dynamic this all creates!

[its-all-papaya]

N, Q, S, Z for the fandom asks!! Hehe -⭐

hi legend, cannot believe you came back when i have like three of your asks still half-answered in my drafts rn from like three days ago. you are too good to me.

asks from here

N- Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor

oh my god i literally cannot in good faith answer this. i have like 9000 favorites. partial rec list here for anybody curious (hasn't been updated in quite awhile, fair warning), but for the sake of the ask:

favorite fics MOST RECENTLY have been turn down the world (i've read it + its companions probably three times just this week. this 'verse is to me what oscar's asmr channel IN the 'verse is to lando. don't think about that comparison too deeply and if you do don't tell me abt it ok thx!) and also feel you taking me home by @wedriftlikelonelyplanets which i have read - no lie - on average like once every other day since it has come out.

favorite author is genuinely impossible bc we exist in a delicious lovely golden era of landoscar fic, but SOME of my favorite works consistently are @1425fivefive's, @wanderingblindly's and @bright-and-burning's. also OBSESSED with @ipleadbritney's world-building skills, her magical realism makes me drool down my chin, and love @hanquality for the way so much of her work feels one-of-a-kind in terms of like... tropes? (tingle prison my beloved, i want ten more of it.)

also most of my bookmarks on ao3 are public!! that's lowkey probably the best way of tracking what i like, but i only started using them like maybe two months ago, so... sorry LOL. i'm working on a better way to keep track of all the fic i've ever loved. this is such a rough list, plz do not take it as comprehensive.

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

i fear it's lestappen and it's partly bc my cursed lestappen fic damaged me critically from conception all the way through abandonment on ao3, but mostly bc i got maxiel-pilled WAY too mf hard. lestappen is the ship that got me into f1 - not just rpf but like literally the sport - so i will always be fond of it for that, but i really just do not interact with it anymore.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon

this is where i must remind everyone that i do not concretely know what 'headcanon' really means. is it something i believe is actually true about a pairing irl? bc in that case... nothing? everything i write is made up and it's mostly projection.

the closest i can get to answering this in the way i think it's intended is to say that i identify with lando so aggressively when he's disappointed or upset that it feels like we share a mind. so my headcanon is that lando's brain when he is being self-critical is my exact brain when i am feeling bad about myself.

sorry that answer is bad, i truly don't think i have 'headcanons' about irl people. i have ways i consistently characterize my rpf versions of drivers, so if that counts for this, then... sub lando :)

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go

i took a class on fan behavior in college and we watched fursonas the documentary on the second day of it, but that craziest part of the whole thing TO ME is that we took this survey and there was like a third of the class who was like "i'm not a fan." like there exists a category of people who consume media and interact with the world and do not exhibit 'fan' behavior for anything. like no buying jerseys for sports teams, no contributing to blogs or forums, no consuming fanwork, just. passively consuming things and never engaging with them outside of their 'canon,' or like the exact thing itself in its exact form. I CAN'T IMAGINE LIVING THAT WAY. i know i was born with the hyperfixation nob like two ticks off its max setting, i know i'm more 'fan'-y than the average person, but there's levels, yanno? and it's crazy that 'zero' is a level a person can be at. HOW BORING. anyway. that's what you get out of me when you ask a question with no direction, i couldn't think of anything actually compelling to answer this with.

anyway, thank you thank you star anon for letting me yap!! gonna answer your dad lando asks soon i swear.....

[lordgeneralsix]

astarion stans who refuse to try befriending or even romancing anyone else are the most annoying mfs. "I only romance astarion I just can't relate to the other stories" really? you can't relate to gales deep self loathing? his deep love and loyalty for those he cares about? you can't relate to wylls kind heart and desire to always do good, even if it means he's miserable? can't relate to shadowheart blindly following a god, only to learn the truth and reinvent herself? you can't relate to lae'zel or karlach who were lied to and used as weapons their whole lives, but continue to push on even when they're scared? you can't relate to the overarching theme of authority vs autonomy???

it's not difficult, it's just people refusing to appreciate and explore the game to its fullest bc their manipulative sexy vampire is all they need(something astarion actually loathes being seen as btw). but ok, you can be boring and do whatever you want, but don't lie and say the other stories are bad, because they're not. it's simply a lack of media literacy and critical thinking. because to you, if a character doesn't tell you point blank that they're aware of their situation, it's bad writing. missing the entire point that victims don't always realize the situation they're in. keep in mind astarion and karlach are the only ones who got away from their abusers, which is why they tell you clearly and confidently about what happened to them, fully aware that it was abuse. whereas the others give only their tunnel visioned perspective and speak highly of their deity(not caring about themselves, wish to appease them for something in return).

don't get me wrong (seriously, if I see one person misunderstand me I'm going to lose it) astarion is a good character, but people who only like him need to stop acting like he's the only complex and well written one. stop crying when people with brains call you out for being weird about his ascended ending. the game isn't about him. at least try and show some respect to those who worked hard on the game. make an oc and try new things, i promise the fictional vampire won't care if you don't romance him one run. have a drink with shadowheart, dance with wyll, go to a restaurant w karlach, maybe then you'll calm down.

[doomed-era]

for that ship ask game: mipha x link and midna x zelda?

YAYYY I love miphlink and midzel!!!

ok this is a long one so yay we get a cut.

Mipha/Link:

yeeeesss I think these two are cute as hell. I think there's some exploration to be had with their relationship being explicitly romantic. enough that i've written a fic about them, so. yeah I like it. I don't remember exactly when I got into it, it's been in the back of my mind for a long time since I've always liked Mipha. sidon saying Link looks upset after the Mipha memory still gets me

As for why I like them? I've gone over how I interpret Mipha's character a couple of times before but I'll try to sum it up: Mipha and Link are frightfully similar characters in more ways than one. They are quiet warriors who are willing to sacrifice everything for Hyrule (and, in a way, the status quo), and are treated as larger-than-life heroes before and after their deaths. It's difficult to know what they thought about this, because not only do they not talk about their motivations, Breath of the Wild doesn't really want to dwell on them and instead is happy to just see them as their roles. Link is the brave knight who is faithful to his duty and royalty (barf), and Mipha is the. girl version of this which is basically saying she's treated as saintly and passive and self-sacrificial (barf). I want something better for them!! grabs them both like this!!!

WITH ALL THAT ASIDE. I think the whole unrequited love thing Mipha has going with Link is boring unless Mipha and Link's psyches are explored respectfully (heaven knows Some People think she's better off dead and "lustful and creepy." somehow???? putting them in a relationship filters out a lot of that sentiment/I think pining like that can get obnoxious if it's stretched out.) so. I prefer them being in a relationship and exploring how that affects them. because BOY do I think it would. their similar natures would absolutely make their lives hard because they are AWFUL communicators and are constantly throwing themselves in front of each other. mipha keeps trying to figure out what link's doing and what happened to him while. not actually saying this sentiment out loud. and link's just in knight mode, being his. knightly selfless self while that's not what mipha wants! she KNOWS it's just a facade! meanwhile she's trying to keep up her OWN facade of unconditional gentleness while also being under so much pressure and not wanting to have anyone to lean on because everyone ELSE is under pressure too and link won't confide in her because vulnerability is for suckers and mid-afternoon snacktime. YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!! maybe in a better world they'd figure that out. in a world that accepted them for who they are instead of forcing them to perform. in a world that allowed them to be selfish. and maybe, together, they can learn to be selfish for each other.

also I think sidon being link's brother in law is funny

hot take mipha isn't creepy for liking link now that he's older it's like an aragorn/arwen thing. I understand that it's kind of unusual for someone to think that way about a childhood friend, but I don't think it's morally wrong. leave her alone for god's sake the amount of hate i've seen in the miphlink tag makes my blood boil. I've read fics treating her like some sort of byword. you don't have to like her, and criticizing a female character is okay. mipha's writing isn't the greatest (I mean, no female character in BOTW/TOTK is really written adequately, especially if they get slotted into a love interest role) but I think you all are just being sexist and trying to convince yourselves you're morally correct for it by covering it up with puritanism. you're not slick.

OKAY. SORRY FOR THE TEXTWALL LMAO

Midna/Zelda:

OH I SHIP THEM BABEY!!!! mostly bc of some lovely art I've seen on tumblr and rotating the "your heart and mine were one" line in my head (I am paraphrasing i don't think that's the actual line but MIDNAS FACE WHEN ZELDA SAID THAT. AUGH) also their general familiarity with each other/Midna's quips towards her.

why I ship them? uhh well as mentioned. the lines/their chemistry although not really dwelt upon is good. and also I like both of them a lot and TP Zelda is a lesbian midna is bisexual 100% ok byebye

hot takes? idk I really don't have any. I just kinda like them they're pretty

[zukkacore]

Coupling a few different headcanons together and I don’t remember if divorce exists in ATLA or if Mai is Izumi’s mom but part of me does think it would be funny if Zuko invented divorce specifically for Mai’s sake & so with her alimony from her failmarriage she’s free to spend several years being roommates w Sokka while they go to the university in ba sing se except this is not so that she can be employable her goal is to rack up as many useless degrees as possible.

One of her and Sokka’s favorite pastimes is attending essentially university workshops for open “mic” nights for like spoken word and stuff. Sokka kinda enjoys the artistry, Mai just wants to not be bored so she approaches these evenings with more irony-poisoning than he does. Mai thinks it would be very funny to sign Sokka up when she thinks he isn’t looking but much to her chagrin he’s actually better at making up poetry on the fly than he is writing it (not that he’s bad he studies different forms for fun™ like he’s basically a lit minor, but he also over-edits bc he’s extremely self critical).

Sokka Is good at spoken word but not in the way where it’s like, the hard hitting unpacking trauma kind of slam poetry, Sokka has never unpacked a trauma in his life, but under pressure he’s good at striking the right balance of comedy and the tiniest bit of vulnerability and clever wordplay. (This is also why he’s not that good at poetry he sits down and Thinks about, especially when asked to write anything abt himself bc he finds it incredibly navel-gazing and embarrassing). Still, Mai continues to play this joke on him when he least expects it, mainly bc she loves committing to the bit. She eases up for a while bc he starts to suspect her too much only to spring the bit onto him again whenever someone comes to visit just for maximum embarrassment, either Toph, Katara, or Zuko. Toph thinks the whole thing is hilarious. Zuko and Katara both find poetry night deeply moving, but Katara finds Sokka specifically being forced to vamp deeply funny.

She’s tried it w Suki but suki doesn’t even flinch & Mai wonders if it’s bc she’s just that supportive or if she’s just not that discerning when it comes to art. The real answer is that she is plently amused and will tell Sokka in her own time but also Sokka has embarrassed himself in front of Suki enough times that she doesn’t blink an eye at anything. Aang also is not fazed but that’s mainly bc he 100% wants to get in on the fun.

In retaliation, Sokka has gotten Mai on stage before but bc mai would rather die than spout poetry her time always ends up basically being musings abt her life that’s pseudo-workshopping material for a Tight Five & like… it’s not really poetry but the crowd is laughing including the guy who throws ppl out when ppl don’t stick to the correct form (on those specific days). So nobody is going to stop her. She tells a lot of really dryly delivered jokes abt her shitty childhood and her failhusband Li from the tea shop and it takes a hot sec before ppl realize holy shit, she’s actually talking abt the fire lord. And also jokes abt discovering lesbianism. Which she’s thoroughly embarrassed abt being late to the party about. & even more embarrassing to be a dyke secretly love with her best friend. Afterwards, Sokka and Mai do have to correct the other patrons who approach them bc they’re convinced Sokka is the dyke she’s in love with. But they’re just friends. (I don’t know how mining comedy out of blatant dyke drama would work if we’re right to assume Sozin invent homophobia in ATLAverse but w/e).

Also. Sokka WILL boo & heckle her out loud when her material stinks. But if anything, this gives her a chance to do crowd-work which she’s good at. So even tho it’s 100% genuine ppl do start to suspect it’s staged.

I also think part of Mai racking up unemployable degrees includes assignments where she makes really off-putting and macabre interactive exhibits/art installations bc she’s trying to work on authentically expressing herself & wants to be an unpalatable as possible to make up for the years of being a perfect daughter. But she also thinks being too earnest is deeply cringe so even tho her pieces are self evidently kinda tortured and gloomy, as a way of preserving her dignity her artist statements are intentionally as brief and opaque as possible for the highest impact comedic punch.

[utilitycaster]

Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

[gramarye]

really really long post where i just talk about johan from yugioh gx thank you

im thinking about johan tonight bc i was drawing him and i wanna talk abt him. bear with me. I REALLY LIKE JOHAN . TO START THIS OFF WITH i have an official licensed johan "WHERE AM I" shirt and i adore it its really funny also i used to have like a johan pin i bought from a german anime store and it was like 8 euros but i shipped it off to my friend who is really really crazy about johan

^johan where am i shirt

anyway johan. jessejohan. i like johan so much believe me he is my nordic scandinavian brethen i just think his writing has issues mainly that he has like no real relationships outside judai and like. i know as a gay person -- i am literally a lesbian In A Lesbian Relationship In Real Life -- that characters will become more likeable when they're queer coded bcuz its Different and its relatable. however i think his writing is kind of really weak and i quote this thing my friend said in 2022 like a lot

HARD TRUTHS TO SWALLOW jesse is a beautiful damsel in distress and his personality outside jaden and crystal beasts is kind of nothing. i love him tho

but the most offensive thing abt it writing wise is like in season 4 when they duel against trueman sorry it was fujiwara. okay i was rewatching gx ages ago and my ex was watching it with me and it was her first time seeing it and shes a literature major and when the whole. "what is the darkness in johan's heart" scene, AFTER IT WAS ESTABLISHED EVERYONE, EVERY STUDENT INCLUDING MANJOUME SHO ASUKA O'BRIEN ETCETC has darkness in their hearts,

my ex goes "if they reveal that he has no darkness in his heart because hes such a special boy im going to be so fucking mad because hes already a mary sue" (HER WORDS NOT MINE she was so mad about johan its funny.) AND THEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO

like he is literally too perfect. his only flaw is his one (1) time thing about getting lost which is never really brought up again (also its more of an endearing haha funny thing and yes i like it i have a shirt referencing that scene.) and the fact that.. he gets taken over i guess.

i do think the switch around where they bamboozle fujiwara is really funny. it is a funny scene i just wish they literally didn't do it at the cost of "johan is a perfect person without any mental weaknesses when literally every single other character has some flaws" I DONT GET IT!!!

maybe he can just photosynthesize his worries into strength i dont know. does anyone remember that meme

but really like WHAT IS JOHAN WITHOUT JUDAI!!!! why is he literally perfect and above other characters also. why could they not give him any darkness like What possible reason does that serve except me think he is BORING!!!! i do like johan btw as i said i really do. i just think his writing kinda sucks and people are way too nice on johan because he is queer coded but the fact is his writing is really weak. this isnt exclusive to johan ok i also dislike some aspects of jadens writing and asukas and so forth (naming characters i really like to prove my point) I AM CRITICAL this is just. about johan. ok.

and this brings me to the weirdo youtube essayists who only care about s3 and think its the peak of gx and yugioh in general and also. ONE SUCH YOUTUBER. WHO SAID IT IS "HOMOPHOBIC" THAT JESSE IS SOUTHERN IN THE DUB WHICH. WHAT?

you think all southern people all homophobic??? im sorry but i know so many goddamn queer people in thhe south. are you out of your mind. please blow up. LET HIM BE A GAY TEXAN you are just showing your own prejudice literally why did so many gx fans eat up "umm it was homophobic of 4kids to make him southern" they give like everyone accents. he has cowboy boots in his design. its not homophobia hes just southern and southern gay people exist. watch brokeback mountain or something

anway

i think johan is a much more interesting character if you incorporate his manga counterpart into it. like combine him with his anime self and it'd be really fun. his bug enthusiasm in the manga is fun like he has an actual hobby and personality. ADHD bug king

also i think personally they should lean into him being scandinavian more. ITS FUNNY. i think he should try to feed manjoume blodplättar because he looks anemic. he should open a can of surströmming around asuka (canonically very much hates food with strong smells) and she gets so upset she has to like leave the building entirely. she should get into a cultural dispute with o'brien because he thinks carola's swedish cover of mickey is better than toni basil's original

i think this and like. septembers mikrofonkåt is what he should listen to. swedish pop baby

anyway. i like johan i just think Some of his fans are insane and thats why i need to take him down a peg every now and then . in a loving bully way. also hes very gender to me dont worry about it. also TWO different people have said some variation of the "fuck danganronpa and its fans i hope komaeda marries a woman" post about him to me in different years which is so funny.

anyway yes i love jessejohan. send post

[stellacadente]

i actually think i should be allowed to one day walk into work and start screaming and not stop for the entire shift

so we've got guides/faqs for the different stuff we do, not going into detail it's not relevant but anyway, a lot of those were written and are constantly updated by me. well apparently they're hard to use because you have to... search for what you're looking for? (i've said a thousand times: ctrl + f. it's not hard.) so they've proposed we use chatgpt so "you can ask it your question and it gives the answer to you without you having to look for it" GOD 😭😭😭😭 how hard can it be to fucking ctrl + f "fattura" or "abilitazione" or whatever the fuck and read the fucking rule. lazy. and like yeah honestly i do take it a little personally when my coworkers criticize the guidelines and faqs i write which fine, my bad, even if i don't ever externalize it and just deal with it, because rationally i'm sure it's nothing personal, but i mean i put SO much effort into them, into making them AND keeping them updated, and i'm the only one who takes care of quite a few of them, and all people can do is 1. not look at them when they should lol 2. criticize them without ever being like. hey maybe we could change this thing and if you want i can help you with it. how am i not supposed to get pissed off when i take time out of my working hours to keep this shit updated (because it's not planned, i do it when i find a free minute or oftentimes i just CREATE a free minute or ten lmao) on top of everything else i do, which includes helping my coworkers with things they could just LOOK UP IN THE GUIDELINES, and no one seems to appreciate it. ever. i'm not saying like kiss my feet but maybe once in a while a "good job in keeping this shit running" would be nice lmao and if someone like gave me a hand that wouldn't hurt either... i just think they don't ever stop and think of how much effort and time and care i put into all the shit i do and while i love my job and my coworkers and my coordinators sometimes it does hurt bc like tbh i do more than is required and get very little in return. if i could bring myself to do less i would try it for a while just to see how they fare. but unfortunately i'm stupidly anal about my job. and too much of my self worth is based on how well i do this job, which yes, not healthy, i know

this turned into a vent. ops

[wetcatspellcaster]

hello! i have a question about finding time to write because i have an idea for an astarion fic but it's my first year in my ph.d. program and i am DROWNING IN WORK AND READINGS. how did you do this AND work on your dissertation? (also congrats on that!!! that's massive!!!)

hello, anon, congratulations to YOU on your phd programme!! many felicitations on the continuing of your education.

I took a while to reply to this, bc I'm not sure if I'm the best person to ask this question. my personal answer is 'hyperfixate on the dopamine source so, so hard until you burnout, and then feel guilty bc you haven't updated in ages (I'm currently one week since an update), and then let that guilt become your new motivator! :D'

...which doesn't seem very healthy. and definitely impacts my ability to answer the question in a way that is actually helpful.

so i don't have an answer, but my honest pieces of advice are below the cut.

idk what kinda PhD you are doing, but if it's a humanities, in my experience, there are dips and lulls. first year is always a bit hectic bc the imposter syndrome is high and you feel like you're treading water to stay afloat. but things will get so much easier, and will in fact go through peaks and troughs! in 2nd and 3rd year, i had months without any work at all. wait for a trough to do some drafting. if you're currently really struggling, then just sketch as detailed an outline as you can in a document when the idea is fresh, and then you can return to it in dribs and drabs when you have a spare moment. [if you're a scientist, apologies in advance, you have a much harder life than me!] .

this one isn't very burnout friendly, but i am introverted and treat writing fic like a hobby for when i have no social battery. then my fic battery runs out, i go be social. yes, this kinda just spreads the burnout around. yes, i also know writing is still work! but it doesn't feel like it, to me. so I guess make your fic idea as much about fun, and as least about work, as possible. make it into the catnip that will make you come back to it. treat it as an escape rather than another magnum opus, or god forbid, a second dissertation. .

this also applies to PhD work - again, if you are a humanities student, you'll inevitably hit a writing block in your thesis. these are normal, and though they feel like the worst thing at the time, they will inevitably shift. thesis writing block when i was often very productive with fic, bc my thesis wasn't taking up my brain power and/or taking time away from my thesis was exactly what i needed. If you're burned out on the thesis, maybe spend some time just playing around in your brain for a bit. my friend told me about how she used fic as a way to build 'mastery' - when she was depressed or feeling down about her thesis, she would do something she knew she was good at (fic), and this would lift her mood. in the self critical world of academia, sometimes a little fic positivity goes a long way (at least for me, but that's bc both my supervisors are very very harsh, the exact opposite of the AO3 comment box). .

find an update schedule that works for you. i used to write a whole fic before i published any of it, but that's become more untenable as my wordcounts get bigger and i need motivation. now, comments fuel me when i'm drafting. so honestly, if you think posting will add pressure, don't post. write it just for you. if you think posting is the only thing that will keep the idea alive, do it and then don't feel guilt if there's a large gap in updates. people will still read it when it eventually goes up! :)

Honestly, I don't really have an answer. I wrote a lot these last few months bc I was feeling very depressed with the endgame of my thesis, and writing distracted me and made me feel better. I try to keep two nights a week free for fic, but that works for me bc I'm an introvert who lives alone. I don't think you can force it, but what I can tell you is that the PhD does get much, much easier (and that first year is also a perfectly legit time to faff around a bit and commit some time theft if you want - at least in the humanities, bc you'll still have so much time in your project).

I'm sorry I don't have a clear answer! Fic is important to me, so I make time for it, sometimes to my own detriment. If your PhD is what is important to you rn, fic can wait! Similarly, if you want to take some time away from that treading water, maybe microdose an hour or so of fic to start building mastery :) xx

[softxsuki]

BIG BLOG UPDATES AND CHANGES. IMPORTANT. PLS READ

REGULAR REQUESTS:

Starting January 1, 2024 I will be deleting all my WIPs. Any request that is currently in my inbox will be deleted.

I thought about this long and hard and it’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while now; it started with me slowly deleting a few that didn’t inspire me, but now I think I just need a fresh start

And I just thought I’d remind everyone that my requests are now suggestions. So if you request something there is no guarantee that I will be able to write it for you

I’d like to start writing things that truly inspire me and maybe even sprinkle in a few writing with my own ideas

Ik writing in here is a hobby for a lot of other writers, but it’s my ultimate goal to one day have my own book published. This blog is just practice for me to write and honestly it became my safe place that I created after my aunt passed away, and I feel like I’m slowly losing that

With all that said, I’ll be leaving my wips up until the end of the year if you can’t remember what you requested, you can try and resend it in to see if ill be able to write that for you or not

URGENT REQUESTS:

Starting next year my urgent requests will be limited. I’ll have 3 urgent request spots open each month. Once they fill up, that’s it for the month

I’ve had so many events that had to be pushed back for months because I keep receiving endless urgent requests at a time. I know some of you really need it for comfort but other are just abusing them to get their requests written faster and this is the only solution I can come up with

If I’ve already written a requests regarding your topic, I’ll probably respond to your request with links to posts I’ve already written regarding that topic. I’ve written about suicide, self harm, depression, etc SO many times and I’m starting to run out of unique ideas. And it’s honestly not super great for my mental health to write stuff like that so often.

However if you urgently need a request about a topic like that, that I’ve written about already (so long as you’re requesting it for a character I haven’t used that topic for yet) and you can give me an idea that helps me out then I’ll do it. Bc I know these are issues that a lot of ppl struggle with and I don’t want to just ban those kinds of requests at all

Also please give me a short reason as to why this request is urgent. If I don’t think your request is urgent, I won’t be writing it. I’d like to save these spots for ppl who realllllly really need it and could be helped with this. And ofc any urgent requests that make me uncomfortable or topics that I know nothing about and don’t want to offend anyone with accidentally, I also won’t be writing.

And lastly with urgent requests, a thanks would be great. I’ve written like 10 urgent requests in the last few months and I’ve only heard back from one of them. It’s discouraging to write something for someone that they labeled urgent and then never hear a word from them again. No thank you, no feedback, nothing. A quick thanks would mean the world to me and encourage me to continue writing urgent requests for you guys. Pls and thank you

Which leads me to my next point

SAYING THANK YOU:

I come in here and write for FREE. I take requests for FREE. all of this is for free. And all I ask for in return is kindness

If you request something and I write it for you, a thanks would be wonderful

Maybe even some feedback. I’m open to constructive criticism as well, so long as you’re nice about it !

Out of all the writing I’ve posted, I’ve probably o my heard back from like 10% of you, which just makes me want to delete my account and not even both honestly.

I don’t even care about the likes or reblogs, my writing could get one like, but just hearing some feed back or even a thank you, especially from the person who requested it would make the world of a difference.

Even if you popped into my ask box to remain an anon, that works too!

This is a huge part of the reason why writing on here has started to feel so draining for me. I want to love writing again and I know this is something I can’t force ppl to do, but I gotta let it out

And lastly, when requesting, please don’t demand. “I want a drabble” I don’t write for people who demand. A please or “could you please” is perfect. Simple and easy to do

EMOJI ANONS:

I’m not sure how to go about doing this or even if I should do this

But I think most of my anons have disappeared or maybe just don’t interact with me anymore?

Perhaps we can do an anon role call? Where you just send me your emoji in my ask box just so I know you’re still around and if some emoji anons that I have listed don’t respond, then I’ll delete them?

Or should I just leave it as it is?

Idk so let me know if you have any suggestions regarding that

I love you guys a lot and appreciate so many of you, especially my regulars. I know some of you are shy and stay as ghost readers. I still appreciate you all 💗 but these are just some changes I’d like to make for my happiness and mental well being honestly 😭. I think I need a fresh start and just some more boundaries bc I feel like I’m stagnant RN and getting nowhere with the things I’d like to do.

SO these changes will begin January 1, 2024.

My wips will be wiped clean, starting over, so if you’ve recently requested something and want to try and resend it in to see if I’ll write it, give it a shot.

I hope I’m not coming across as rude or anything, im used to putting other ppl first and I tend to lose myself in the process so I just feel like this is something I really need to do. Im sorry if anyone is disappointed by this, but hopefully you’ll stick around to see any other new exciting events and writings I put out :)

Love you guys always 💗

[stars-of-kyber]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

@dreamstone28737 tagged me on this fun thing <3 thank you love!

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

32! Holy shit that's a lot.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

351,009 words and counting. Again, I'm shocked at how much I've got done lol

3- What fandoms do you write for?

Right now at this moment, Bridgerton.

4- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1st- You Belong With Me - 821

2nd -Falling For You - 451

3rd - You're The Only Thing I'll Ever Need - 423

4th - Lost, Drifting - 407

5th - Faithfully - 397

(The next one is Bad Habits which never stops to surprise me just how many Kudos it gets since it was one I thought I wouldn't get anything from.)

(God, I need to update my WIPs)

5- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Honestly? Only when I feel I have something to add to the comment. Sometimes I see a comment with "Great Chapter/Episode" (which I really absolutely love, btw. Any comment makes me so damn happy I can't even explain) and I never know what to say to that and I don't want the person to feel I don't care about their comments when I just reply with "Thanks! I'm Glad you liked it <3" and I keep thinking about different things to read and I never can and when I see it, I have a bunch of unanswered comments which makes me overwhelmed to start.

So yeah, I usually only reply when I know what to say lol

6- What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ending? (none? lol)

Posted, I'd say "The Way I Loved You", which I thought the ending might be kinda open? I don't usually do sad endings. I think "Faithuffy", "Of Noble Blood" and "You Belong With Me" have some rather angsty parts, along with "Lockdown" which touched a rather sensitive part of me. But all the endings were/will be (THEY WILL HAPPEN I PROMISE!) happy.

Unposted, it's probably "A Dead Man's Tale" which I'm writing right about now and I hope to start posting by Halloween on Tuesday (fingers crossed). The ending is... sentimental? Idk Kinda sad but happy too? I have no idea how to describe that. Either that or Raise a Little Hell, my Bonnie and Clyde, which will be my only NHEA story ever(if), when I get to write it.

(Feel free to tell me which of my fics you think it's the angstier. I'm curious!)

7- What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them? Lol

Walking The Wire because I finished it? sdakljfkdsgh I have no idea. Maybe Lockdown bc it's such a hard battle to end happily in the end.

(Which of my fics yall think is the happiest? Please tell me bc I have no idea.)

8- Do you get hate on fics?

Not on the Bridgerton ones, thankfully. Everyone that reads it is amazing which makes me really happy.

I had a pretty harsh time when I started on the Reylo Fandom in Star Wars. Not fun, I'll give you that.

9- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write hotter scenes, although I don't think I've ever finished an entire sex scene. That said, I have a one-shot called Stockings that is about 85% done which is porn/no plot that I might one day finish but I'm not that much of a fan of it, to be honest.

10- Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Unless you count crossover with Julia Quinn's own other series, no I don't.

11- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of.

12- Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, which is kinda sad because I am a translator and I could very well do it myself lol but Idk if there are too many Portuguese-speaking readers that would be interested in it, and although I speak pretty good Spanish, I'm a tad out of practice and I don't master the written language nearly enough to attempt to translate something to Spanish.

13- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago in a Galaxy far far away. It was... nice. And not at the same time. I hold myself to very VERY high standards, so I'm extremely self-critical and working with someone with different styles and ideas can be really harsh without trying to dictate the way you want the story to go. Plus the three times I did, we ended up giving up halfway through the story lol

14- What's your all-time favorite ship?

This is a stupid question and I hate it. I'm not good at picking. I am deeply, truly in love with Kathony, and have been for the past couple of years, but if I had to say at the top of my head, the oldest OTPs that have been in my heart, the ones here for the longest time and never really left are Percabeth from Percy Jackson and Jily from Harry Potter. Reylo and Rebelcaptain in Star Wars were also a very big part of me for a long time and I love them.

Asking all-time faves is mean.

15- What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Sought you, Sang you, Dreamed you, my Reylo Kidfic. I love it so much and I am so sorry my baby, but I can't focus on Reylo anymore. I have complete faith I will finish all my Kathony fics one day, I really do.

16- What are your writing strengths?

I honestly have no idea. As I mentioned, I am very self-conscious about what I do and I have incredibly high standards about myself. It's not uncommon to see me saying I hate my story and I won't post it and it's absolutely shit, I have no idea why people read it. So pointing out a quality is really hard.

I guess I'm good at dialogues? I always felt they sounded nice, idk.

17- What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm running a risk of repeating myself too much if I mention standards and self-consciousness, don't I?

I am terribly wordy. Nothing I do is short because I need 1k words for something I could have done in 200. I always feel people will get bored by it.

I also sometimes feel I have issues representing the emotions I'm trying to put through in my story. Many times you'll find me going to a neutral third party saying "Please tell me what's missing here." bc I feel it lacks.

Let's not mention the lack of self-discipline and the amount of time it takes me to write a story/update something. And overthinking things. Also coming up with more ideas than I have time to write.

18- Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do that all the time? I am a native Portuguese speaker and English is my second language.

19- First fandom you wrote for?

Lol that's going far back, isn't it? I have been writing originals since I was 10 (I have a lil notebook with the first story I've ever written, it's adorable, but as usual, incomplete), but in 2011 I was obsessed with a soap opera called Rebelde (the Brazilian version, when I liked the Mexican RBD one, I didn't really know what fandom was yet. BUT I'M GOING TO THE CONCERT ON THE 9TH I'M SO EXCITED) and my first fic was a Roberta x Diego one, which is complete and (unfortunately, -or not- not all of it) available in Nyah Fanfiction, although I wish it wasn't bc it's truly shit. Like very very very shit. It was crazy, she died of lung cancer in the end. I swear to God, I had no clue what was going on with me at 14.

20- Favorite fic you've written?

Okay, look, this is not fun lol

I truly, honestly can't pick. Each one is special for me for a different reason. The Way I Loved You was my first Kathony. You Belong With me my first WIP and I have such a special place for it. I could go on and on for hours. I love them all, even the ones which are not my faves (Bad Habits, Reading Project).

But I will be absolutely thrilled if you guys tell me your fave of my fics. I would love a lot to know.

I'll tag @mimix007 @waterlilyrose, @harnitbee, @bellascarousel, @ladystanbury, @searching4paradiso, @alihightowers and her dragon people and @suspendingtime

[omensastrology]

Explain Noah's chart since we have the exact hour >.<

We can start with his Big 3 which are your sun, moon and rising. Noah’s big 3 are

Sun: Scorpio

Moon: Aquarius

Rising or ascendant: Virgo

Scorpio suns are known for being a very intense and passionate sign. They’re known for being private and secretive which makes getting to know them difficult. I know many scorpios and I think this is a given trait among all Scorpios 😂

Moon in Aquarius are known to be independent, intellectual, unconventional and unorthodoxed.

Virgo rising individuals tend to have a very precise and methodical nature, with a strong desire for organization and order

Combine all of those together and you get an individual who is very complex with a wide range of different energies . With Scorpio sun, you have a natural inclination towards secrecy, and with the Aquarius moon, you may struggle to connect with others emotionally. The Virgo rising can further exacerbate this tendency by making you seem distant and aloof. (Sounds just like our Noah)

Based on his birth chart his sun is in his 3rd house and moon in his 5th house (romance, creativity, children)

With his sun in his 3rd house (communication), he has an intense communication style, he doesn’t like small talk but loves conversations with depth. Scorpio in this house is also gifted with being a powerful writer and have a sharp intellect.

With his moon being in his 5th house is what I believe makes Noah Noah on stage. This placement is great for performers and their creative minds and ideas. They love expressing themselves and their individuality through creative outlets such as performing and writing. This placement also is in a little opposition with his Scorpio sun when it comes to romance. While the Scorpio sun likes intense and dramatic relationships, the Aquarius moon is more light-hearted and fun yet they can still seem aloof but if you given this moon sign the freedom he needs, he’ll be loyal 🖤

Stelliums

Noah has a stellium in his 5th house and a Scorpio stellium in his 3rd house

5th House Stellium

Your 5th house rules over dating and relationships, children, self expression. This man was made to be on stage. He has performer energy and is creative as fuck. When it comes to the relationships, his stellium in this house makes romance hard bc he seems to attract intense and dramatic love affairs (oh boy do we know about the dramatic exes). The most interesting part of this stellium is that when it comes to children or inner child, this stellium placement might have childhood wounds that need healing

3rd house Scorpio stellium intensifies his mental world with all that is Scorpio . . Mentally intense,private, critical thinker, powerful communicator. You could be a powerful teacher, speaker, or writer who transforms others through your voice ( “the way you fuck, the way you taste” really was transformative for me 😂 well done Noah ). He is the total embodiment of a Scorpio

Based on his Big 3 homeboy is going to have a hard time settling down. He’s got too much freedom loving placements to be tied down. God help the woman that has to deal with all that Scorpio energy.

[j2zara]

🛒✨️🧐!

The fact that you sent this all the way back in february is so embarrassing for me i'm so sorry friend. For once i have a weekend where i don't have to cram for an exam so i'm taking what i can get ok. Thank u for ur patience

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

I retread SO much of the same stuff… but it is very fun and funny when you guys see the things i do over and over. I think there’s so much fun stuff to play around with when it comes to the clones and like. fate and cycles and self-determination and what it means to be a person. There’s ALWAYS gonna be contrived hadestown / or hades/persephone and Orphydice references, of course. So with that comes repetition of names or the importance of names, or “it’s you” “it’s me”. The pomegranate & right now i’m in such a Penelope and Odysseus phase (I blame Epic). Obviously there are, like, certain lines that often get retread, too, if i really wanna hammer home certain concepts. The concept of fairness comes up all the time, which obviously is a big thing with Kipperlilly and ankarna being the goddess of justice. A lot of the things Jaceporter say in If you want divinity are sentiments that are either echoed or intentionally juxtaposed in Blue’s inner monologue. Same with Jaceporter and LJ3. And of course, there’s “it’s jace. It’s always jace”

I genuinely think the reason I do this is b/c my writing can get quite repetitive otherwise, which is really boring. So instead, i just lean into it and tell myself, it's not repetition, it's a motif or something. Which. Idk if that fixes it, but I hope in giving it some intentionality it at least alleviates the repetitiveness.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I genuinely think this would've been easier last year, i swear not b/c i’m full of myself, at least i hope, but just b/c everyone was so incredibly nice and supportive & i hadn’t written anything that i’d shared w/ ppl in like four years so even though i’ve always been very hard on myself, it did feel nice to see ppl so receptive of something i made. I’m just in a phase where i’m feeling like. Very very critical of myself and anything I make. I really hate admitting stuff like that b/c it feels very compliment fishing etc etc and i swear that's the last thing i want, but i also want to be honest that like for some reason, being positive is like really hard rn??

Anyway, I think I’m… pretty good at getting character voices right, and the progression of a character arc, like getting into a character’s interiority and bringing everything back to their motivation? I know my style is very tell-y which. Is atypical from what is popularly considered like. The “right” way to write which i agree with somewhat but—I also think telling can be done well. Whether i do it well is another thing.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Depends on what the story is and what I’m researching. For fic i tend to let a lot of things slide, for original stuff i tend to be a lot more thorough mainly bc the standards are just, different. But a lot of times on my true zero draft i just make a note to research something and come back to it later. It also depends on what it is i’m researching, b/c I generally enjoy looking up stuff about languages and different mythologies and cultural practices, but i drag my feet when it comes to like. Getting combat or weapons stuff right rip. I also tend to have to look up stuff about music but i get really easily overwhelmed and confused so that tends to annoy me too.

I also have to frequent stuff about dnd which is really really annoying but also whats the point of writing tangentially dnd stuff if you’re not gonna have some fun w/ the mechanics. At this point I should just have the page on wild magic bookmarked.

ANyway. SORRY for taking forever thank u for ur patience friend!

[1d1195]

I kinda love how sometimes you work by writing out the ending first then the build up to it a bit later! Though I get how it can be hard to write it out!

Omg I didn’t even notice you mentioned a song rec😭 typically I read your descriptions but I forgot to read this one bc I was really excited 😭but the song is very fitting and idk how to explain it other than it does feel like a small town romance!

Omg Barbie and Ken being the OG fic characters is actually such a slay! And omg I HATED when kids said shit like omg like LET ME ENJOY IN PEACE!!! And in a way I’m glad Barbie has had a resurgence due to the movie because that movie broke me yet healed me lol

If you don’t have the same number of works or more that’s perfectly okay! You put out so much, FOR FREE MIND YOU and that’s more than enough! Life gets crazy and inspo sometimes can be low so really it’s okay ❤️

Yes i agree!!! Lots of people are lacking critical thinking skills and tbh I can go on about that! But I’m glad you’re trying to make your students at least aware how to do that!

It’s my second to last quarter! I’m probably just being dramatic since you’re right I did just get back from break lol I hope they get better too lol

I’m actually currently safe from the fires thankfully! Though where I live it is being monitored closely as the winds can be extremely dangerous if it gets bad! I think people don’t realize how NOT NORMAL having these kinds of wild fires during the WINTER is! Typically these happen during the summer time. And it’s so devastating and I have so many friends from the LA area and some have been affected so badly :( anyways that’s so sweet of you to check up on!

What color did you get your nails done?! Any cute designs?! And even if it’s an all amount of self care it’s still something! Hope you have an amazing start of the week! Sending lots of love 💕-💜

It doesn't always happen but I do feel like it happens a LOT to me. Idk. I get this little idea in my head for one specific little part and then I gotta build around it. I think Traditional I wrote like the middle of it and I would 10/10 would NOT recommend doing that ever again (except I did when I wrote Love & Dryer Sheets--but that came to me in a dream so I can't help that one). The middle is the worst. Dolcezza I started from the beginning I think. As did Ding. It all depends really. It's fun though when I write the ending first, it kind of gives me a goal and it's almost like the whole beginning doesn't matter. My OG bedtime fanfics (Nick Jonas, Edward Cullen, Zach, and Finn from a couple YA novel I read) didn't have endings. They were in perpetual middle parts and it was the WORST. So now when I have an ending I'm like "praise be the Lord."

No I honestly don't expect anyone to read the descriptions. I only put them there because I think it's the only thing keeping my blog alive. I skip right over them and then sometimes I forget I wrote stuff in there for y'all. I truly am going to miss TikTok for my song inspos and new music because I don't listen to the radio anymore and I think my students' music is trash lol

I felt slighted when the movie came out because I loved Barbie for so long I thought I was going to be obsessed forever and then my stupid elementary peers made me quit and now Barbie's back and I want to be like "YOU DON'T GET IT" but I gave up on it so that's on me for listening to kids. But now I obsess appropriately and you won't catch me letting 1D slip through my fingers. My sister's going to have to bury me with my 1D CDs and posters so I have it in the afterlife.

Well thank you. I just want to remain relevant (mostly because I don't know where else I would write and this is a massive outlet for me) so I fear that the # i produce is important. Which doesn't make sense at all. I'm a quality > quantity gal all the way.

You're not dramatic. This was the Monday-iest Monday ever. I'm exhausted. There's 4 more days of this shit? ugh. At least there's a long weekend. 2nd to last quarter though!!! We're getting there! Ahhhh!

I'm sorry to hear about your friends :( that's so awful. I didn't think of how this is abnormal due to the fact it's winter. It's so sad ugh :( I'm glad you're good for now and I hope it stays that way 💕

I can't remember if I told you, I'm real basic about my nails so it's just a winter blue with sparkles overlayed. No designs. The second one of my nails chip I peel them off. But I REALLY like them. I gotta do my toes next they look so gross lol. But my sister reminded me that no one is seeing my feet rn so it doesn't matter and I needed my nails done more.

Monday was long but overall fine. I feel like I'm getting a little overwhelmed with things and obligations but it's not terrible. I hope your week is smoother! Love you lots!!!

xoxo