#which makes the struggle all the sadder doesn't it ?

[bludgeon-alt]

this requires too much context to properly explain in a caption so please just take the art at face value

[fictionadventurer]

Pop culture reduces It's a Wonderful Life to that last half hour, and thinks the whole thing is about this guy traveling to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist and a little girl saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." A hokey, sugary fantasy. A light and fluffy story fit for Hallmark movies.

But this reading completely glosses over the fact that George Bailey is actively suicidal. He's not just standing there moping about, "My friends don't like me," like some characters do in shows that try to adapt this conceit to other settings. George's life has been destroyed. He's bankrupt and facing prison. The lifetime of struggle we've been watching for the last two hours has accomplished nothing but this crushing defeat, and he honestly believes that the best thing he can do is kill himself because he's worth more dead than alive. He would have thrown himself from a bridge had an actual angel from heaven not intervened at the last possible moment.

That's dark. The banker villain that pop culture reduces to a cartoon purposely drove a man to the brink of suicide, which only a miracle pulled him back from. And then George Bailey goes even deeper into despair. He not only believes that his future's not worth living, but that his past wasn't worth living. He thinks that every suffering he endured, every piece of good that he tried to do was not only pointless, but actively harmful, and he and the world would be better off if he had never existed at all.

This is the context that leads to the famed alternate universe of a million pastiches, and it's absolutely vital to understanding the world that George finds. It's there to specifically show him that his despondent views about his effect on the universe are wrong. His bum ear kept him from serving his country in the war--but the act that gave him that injury was what allowed his brother to grow up to become a war hero. His fight against Potter's domination of the town felt like useless tiny battles in a war that could never be won--but it turns out that even the act of fighting was enough to save the town from falling into hopeless slavery. He thought that if it weren't for him, his wife would have married Sam Wainwright and had a life of ease and luxury as a millionaire's wife, instead of suffering a painful life of penny-pinching with him. Finding out that she'd have been a spinster isn't, "Ha ha, she'd have been pathetic without you." It's showing him that she never loved Wainwright enough to marry him, and that George's existence didn't stop her from having a happier life, but saved her from having a sadder one. Everywhere he turns, he finds out that his existence wasn't a mistake, that his struggles and sufferings did accomplish something, that his painful existence wasn't a tragedy but a gift to the people around him.

Only when he realizes this does he get to come back home in wild joy over the gift of his existence. The scenes of hope and joy and love only exist because of the two hours of struggle and despair that came before. Even Zuzu's saccharine line about bells and angel wings exists, not as a sugary proverb, but as a climax to Clarence's story--showing that even George's despair had good effect, and that his newfound thankfulness for life causes not only earthly, but heavenly joy.

If this movie has light and hope, it's not because it exists in some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but because it fights tooth and nail to scrape every bit of hope it can from our all too dark and painful world. The light here exists, not because it ignores the dark, but because the dark makes light more precious and meaningful. The light exists in defiance of the dark, the hope in defiance of despair, and there is nothing saccharine about that. It's just about as realistic as it gets.

[maxphilippa]

An Small Analysis Post On Lightbulb, Because I Hate How The Fandom Butchered Her Character As A Whole.

I'm making this post mostly as a reminder to myself To Not Hate Lightbulb because I actually think she's a pretty interesting character, but the way the fandom portrays her kinda ruined my interest for her.

The fandom's portrayal of Lightbulb ultimately just sticks to the nonsensical/silly aspect of her, which is pretty much what Lightbulb didn't want on canon to begin with. Interpretations and all that are understable, but I would like to just point out some things about Lightbulb. She's not just whimsy and sillyness and nonsense, her whole arc is about literally Toxic Positivity, Lack of Compromise, Lack of Leadership skills, Lack of Connection With Others and Unhealthy Copying Mechanisms.

Now Max, what the hell are you talking about? Well.

I personally think that Lightbulb is a genuinely good character. The way she copes with stuff really makes you see that she's really not doing great mentally. Of course, toxic positivity and sillyness may be her way to cope, because if no one sees her being vulnerable, they will never know what may hurt her the most.

I do think that she cared for Marsh in the same way Paintbrush did, but dare I say she also lacks emotional intelligence when it comes to comforting others or accepting those feels. Why talk about them seriously when you can just joke around and make them laugh about the issue? Of course that didn't happen.

Lightbulb has attachment issues, she doesn't want to be left alone, and she doesn't seem to be conscious over the fact that her attitude and way to approach others IS why she never truly got too many significant relationships at all until the very end, only for all of her friends to leave.

Having a "I don't care :]" attitude only did it so much worse for her on an emotional stand point because she ended up caring so SO badly for the remaining members of her group, and when her team was going down, she didn't know what to do or what to say at all. On late s2 she's actually getting the needs of her teammates and their struggles.

But I want to note something here. The reason as to why she "ditched" Test Tube so quickly on the alt dimension ep was because she thought that she found people that got her, people who were going through it but just wanted to keep thinking positively, and at the end of the day, that just doomed her. Because she realized that they weren't like that. She didn't find anyone that got how she felt.

You can only hide so much things with laughs and shenanigans and attitudes and addictions, before you realize that you have to own your mistakes and have to ACTUALLY TRY to be a better person.

Now, I don't think that Lightbulb meant things to go that way.

Thus all of these things are so much sadder when Fan and Test Tube get eliminated and Lightbulb is left alone. For the first time she ACTUALLY tried to let go off her unhealthy copying mechanisms and got close to people and lost them on the process. She lost all of her team because she didn't care seriously enough.

She's alone.

She doesn't like being alone at all.

So she's currently suffering the consequences of her actions.

And she doesn't like being alone.

Lightbulb struggles so SO much with having healthy relationships and healthy connections because she never was honest with herself at all. And when she realized that in order to be close to others, you have to grow and let yourself feel, it was far too late.

Her whole team is gone because of her lack of care for it and how she sucked at being a leader despite being an light to them, her unhealthy copying mechanisms indicate that she's been like that for a long time, and that the attitude she took was in order to cope with things feeling so so bad.

I really want to see what they'll do with her once s2 is back again. But for now, we can only hope so much.

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

brainrot over mlb again someone has probably already done this, sorry if that's true. also pre-emptive warning for intentional unhealthy dynamics but anyway: standard kwamiswap AU with Marinette getting Plagg and Adrien getting Tikki But along with this, it also posits that Marinette has always been "unlucky", and Adrien has always been "lucky". The AU then focuses on playing with the idea of this, making you suspect it's untrue, but then worry it really is true, exploring the implications of it, questioning if "destiny" is real or not, pointing out that sometimes "luck" is subjective, etc, etc. It's now specified that the bakery is struggling and Marinette's kinda poor, and she often kind of feels paranoid it's her fault (even though her parents have never actually told her this), or at least that they'd do better if it wasn't for her. They also often have less time and energy for her as a result of having to work harder to keep above water, which she unfortunately sometimes can't help but take the wrong way. Her misfortune also is what feeds into her need to plan everything, know people's schedules, and generally be a people pleaser. And with it cutting into funding for her fashion hobbies, and with her receiving less positive reinforcement and attention in the first place, she's just... generally sadder and less fulfilled than canon. Adrien meanwhile still lost his mom, but it's the standard "happened right after you got mad and wanted something bad to happen" setup, and now it's another part of why he's always so nice to people, because part of him is still subconsciously worried that he actually *can* influence bad things to happen to people just by hoping for it. Which has also progressed into a general recurrent anxiety over his lifestyle in general, and a fear that being rich at all is depriving and harming others. I also feel like they have altered hero personas and dynamics as a result of all this too Like Lady Noir steadily becomes kind of a show off, previously starved for praise and attention, and has somewhat more of a temper and a mean streak, due to using Lady Noir to unbottle her frustrations with her life. She also kinda resents Mr. Bug (btw, my placeholder rename for him is Scarlet) at first out of envy, especially because at first she kinda feels hurt and insulted by the idea of now having to be the "destructive" hero of "misfortune". Which progresses into a tsundere kinda deal where she's in love, but would rather explode than admit it (in part because she's terrified that if she admits to it and acts on it, she'll just fuck it up anyway) Scarlet still jokes and quips, but Lady Noir's increased volatility kinda taught him to back off early on, and the vibe is more like "concerned for her/trying to cheer her up" than "in love with her". He's also more pacifistic than Chat, and generally a bit more cautious and not as outwardly carefree about heroism in general, because of his increased anxiety about not wanting to make anyone suffer. It's honestly kinda toxic at first, because Lady Noir starts taking the lead (specifically *Scarlet's* idea in the first place, to try and help her loosen up and feel more confident), only for this to kinda backfire on Scarlet, because she becomes kind of bossy and starts blaming him when things go wrong, to protect her own ego. Then, the civilian relationship's also changed in a way that contrasts it. This version of Marinette is... technically into Adrien, but not pursuing or even properly realizing it, because she's so deeply convinced she doesn't deserve him that she represses the hell out of it. But Adrien kinda compensates, because he still feels a similar compulsion to try to cheer her up as Marinette too, especially because Chloe's mean to her, so that makes him feel indirectly guilty because he's Chloe's friend

So the civilian dynamic, ironically, is that they bond much faster, and Marinette follows him around like a meek, docile, undyingly loyal puppy, and will do *anything* he says. But it's *still* kinda unhealthy this way too, even though he's always nice to her. She gets it in her head that he's the only one who can "cancel out" her bad luck, making her get needier and clingier (while also being guilty about it, but not able to stop) And meanwhile, he gets kinda overprotective and smothery, while being the first one to get feelings for her. Partly because caring for her is something he chose for himself, and gives him a sense of actual purpose, compared to his disillusionment with his other responsibilities, partly because she makes him feel special for more than just his status or the stuff he has. So yeah, it DOES all get better, but it's Definitely a "gets worse before it gets better" kinda thing (at the very least, there comes a point where realizing that she's kinda being like Chloe is enough to snap Lady Noir out of the way she treats Scarlet)

[kokoberry-arts]

[Vent post]

I'm gonna be honest with you guys, but this Pride Month may be the hardest one for me. Sorry for another vent post but I just have to get it off my chest, even if no one will read it or care.

This year has been really hard for me for many different reasons, one of them being my sexuality. And this being Pride Month, a time for people to celebrate being themselves, I'm struggling even more. I'm having a hard time being happy with myself and even worse being proud of myself.

I came out as asexual in 2020 and in 2023 I started to realize I'm also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. And tbh I didn't feel bad about it at all! I actually felt amazing since I could finally name what I'd been feeling for such a long time. Ever since I came out, not once have I been feeling bad about it.

Until earlier this year. I won't say what happened other than I got betrayed by a very close person. And what happened made me feel bad about being aroace. For the first time since I came out, I truly hated myself and my orientation. I wished I could just be "normal". I wished I could have the same thoughts and desires and everything as "normal" people. And I've been struggling with this feeling for a few months now.

I'm especially struggling with the idea that I may end up all alone, which is one of my biggest fears. All my friends started to enter serious relationships and they slowly started to have less and less time for me. My parents don't accept me. And the only person I thought understood me and was there for me stabbed me in the back and left for someone else. All because I guess I wasn't good enough or important enough... Being aroace was making my life so much harder, sadder and lonelier...

I've been trying to get better but it's been hard. It doesn't help that I don't really have anyone to talk to about my struggles. And I don't think I'll be able to actually celebrate this Pride Month. Or celebrate being myself. I want it to get better over time, that time will heal the pain, and I'll go back to feeling proud of myself.

I hope that your Pride Month is much much better than mine.

[diavory]

My thoughts on Obey Me! NB

A VERY deep dive so please beware of spoilers! 🩷

Get comfy because this is gonna be long 🫡

First of all, the beginning just tells you this is going to be one hell of a storyline :D also, feel free to add your teories and thoughts!

So we know is canon that this story continues from lesson 80.

Lesson 80 MC is someone who has lived a lot of moments, grown and get to love the characters in the game (especially your love interest, in general, we know we share a deep bond of mutual trust, love and care. It is something shown on many, many events, devilgrams and the main storyline!)

This is why this whole situation feels so painful.

And now they are back to square 0, in a time where they didn't exist, surrounded by familiar faces that don't remember them (minus Solomon) and now they don't have time to grieve the emotional pain of this huge change because they gotta survive.

We are back to being suspicious, unwelcomed, back to being a potential threath to 7 brothers who just became demons and are on a huge unstable situation where they can't afford to take any risks.

Is even sadder when you see MC's dialogues on some lessons, how they want to act as they used to, to greet them as they already know us when they don't.

The 7 brothers are different, same as the Angels and Diavolo with Barbatos; Lucifer's character is so interesting here because he is full of fear, regret, and yet his pride makes him take the burden of all of this on his own to protect his family, this is why him allowing us near was such an important matter and how his trust was broken so fast once we showed how much of a threath we can be (the Ring Of Light adding a HUGE amount of suspicious to the sus level ngl).

We see how the brothers even look a bit relieved to have someone, a demon, with them. Whether out of convenience to have someone that knows how things work, someone who can assist them, guide them or just of a need of a friend in a land where the other demons are being hostile towards them for being former angels. MC represents a sense of security, confort, even when it comes from an unknown person who seems to be too powerful to be a simple demon.

Regarding their sins

I find it fascinating.

They can feel how the sins that were associated to them are now becoming a heavier influence on their acts, way of thinking and personality. Which only serves as a reminder that they are no longer angels, a reality they haven't come to terms with and struggle to accept.

Probably the reason of this being the many, many, maaaaaany insecurities they have acumulated on the year following their fall. Did they do the right thing? Was there a second option? How would things look if they did ____ different? Would there be a day when they feel at home?

Talking about this, let us move to focus on Mammon for a bit.

Our first man may not be the powerful first born, or as smart as Satan. But he cares for his brothers, A LOT. Mammon has shown multiple times that even if he denies it he worries, he doesn't want his brothers to be looked down upon, he KNOWS Lucifer is struggling to keep everything under control, he knows everything is too much. We've seen in the OG game too how he worries about the people he cares, going extra miles to be able to help, even if he sometimes fails and he feels bad for it.

Our boy knows his limits on how he can't resolve everyone's problems, and yet he tries. I really loved the moment when he explains that he wants to tame Cerberus so the 7 can live a better life, not because he wants a treasure. How he can't keep letting others make them feel less, the Devildom is their home now, and he knows the only way that others would accept them is by making them respect them.

How so?

Becoming the rulers.

This lesson where they go to find Cerberus is one of my favorites without a doubt, you can see how they are a family :")

Talking about family, let's move to our newborn, Satan!

Oh Diavolo.

We know how Satan has always struggled with him being born after Lucifer. He is probably older than most of the brothers, having lived inside of Lucifer, watching the World through his eyes, becoming the anger that he was building inside.

And yet he despises the feeling of being nothing for than Lucifer's shadow. His own perception of him as an individual is fragile, becoming easily unstable and having a hard time keeping this controlled. He yerns to find himself, who he really is but he is scared too, confused, being tossed around on a new place, treated like... well, a demon, to keep him from harming someone.

Was this the best decision?

No.

But giving how everything that was happening around them was too much... We can call preventive messsures? We know Barbatos and Diavolo can and will take actions if someone dares to be a potential danger for the Devildom, and a powerfull demon who has yet to learn how to control themselves because well, he has only existed on a physical form for a year, may have the brother on a tough position.

I really love for the lesson where he finds the little cat, he just seems at peace and is quick to ask MC to please leave so he can be alone. I really like how he took the time to understand the little creature in front of him, one of the first times we see him so calm.

Talking about controlling emotions, let's look at Asmo for a quick second.

Our brightest star, the jewel lf the heavens is now struggling to see his light. He can feel how tense the situation is, and is seen many times trying to cheer up his brothers, being a positive energy for them, always smiling to bring smiles back. He now has the power to charm, but the beautiful demon can't stand his reflection in the mirror and secretly yearns for the beautiful white wings.

Asmo grieves in very subtle ways, like focusing in what he was know for: his beauty; or decorating his room in the most beautiful way, even requesting Lucifer to add a window that wss not there to his room. Asmo has a hard time getting used to the obscure Devildom, where the night shines unlike the Celestial Realm where everything is pristine, pure, and well, celestial. That's why he fell easily for Raphael's illusion of him saying they can go back to being Angels. Seeing Simeon and Luke shaked his resolve to keep being positive for their new reality, and I am glad that we are shown all of this side of him; somehow NB makes the Obey Me characters feel more real. They are not perfect.

Which reminds me :)

Solomon. Solomon my dear what the hell are you doing.

He made a pact when Asmo had just experience a very vulnerable state, with major changes happening and without a lot of time to process what making a pact really means.

Yes, they needed a way to survive (dejavù to when MC made a pact with Asmo) but still. HE DID IT TWICE.

He summoned Barbatos too, agains his will. Forced him to obey and even Asmo got a bit uneasy after seeing the power of the pact in action. Yes, Barbatos sent Solomon far away but REALLY!?

What the hell Solomon did to piss Barbatos THIS much. I read that it may be related to the time where Solomon fought the Devildom? I kind of forgot how it goes but, I really hope we would learn more about this.

Listen, let's talk about this sorcerer a bit more. I may be a simp for him but I see the 🚩

First, he traced after us, and honestly I am grateful that MC has someone to rely on instead of being alone in this new time. He already knew the main characters so that helped a lot to cover up any first suspicious we could have raised, after all, we know that Solomon is smart, maybe way too smart.

Jokes aside on him having his honeymoon phase, I belive that MC feels at ease around him. We have the options to trust his judgement and his decisions, he already met the versions of the characters, so who else could be a better ally?

Solomon is... a complicated character to me. He is a human who has lived far too long to the poing of many times being compared to a demon, a powerfull being with many pacts, one being with Barbatos and that says a lot. Thirteen says she likes his soul, yet something changed once he left the reaper's home and didn't come back in many years, his soul doesn't shine as it did before and she doesn't know why. She sees the same shine on MC, which makes me wonder what happened, what can make a soul change?

Something that is bothering me a lot is that Solomon was asked to pick a side already and he chose humanity. He doesn't mind Diavolo's plan as long as it doesn't damage humans, and honestly; what he said about Diavolo being friendly doesn't mean he sees other races as equals is so interesting to me. What does he know? Whas has he seen?

Yet, I can't help but get an uneasy feeling of something major coming our way, Nightbringer aside. With how unstable the current situation is between the realms, we don't know what we may get ourselves into. And Solomon asking us to please, side with humanity if there ever came a moment where we need to pick a side just seems too direct, as a foreshadow for a battle yet to happen.

He asked MC if they would side with humanity.

MC who feels like the Devildom is their home, who got to love the place, their people and their rules. Who is trusted by them.

But this is a tale of another time, they are not the people MC grew to love as hard as it may feel. This is not the Celestial Realm, the Devildom they met.

Is there a loyalty to be acted upon, when the people it was made for are not there?

Is clear MC wants them to trust them, giving back the grimoire and acting agains what Solomon most likely wanted was the biggest giveaway.

Many times MC was told that them trusting so easily, being so nice with those around them was their biggest virtue and yet their biggest weakness.

Sometimes I wonder if Solomon took an interest on MC because he saw the potential of them. He saw an ally, finally a human he could rely on.

Let's head into our next contestants!

The twins.

We can see how they are constantly seen with the other, maybe as a way to process everything that went through, but; as close as they are they have secrets they can't tell to each other, they have regrets that won't leave them alone, and are being tormented by the nightmares of all the things that went wrong.

We see the difference between the way they act, Belphie being more straight forward, not trusting anyone easily and you just know his trust was severely broken, you can see the effects of seeing how giving your all for someone can go oh so wrong, his sister is now dead. He was an older brother once, now he isn't. The only person he was meant to protect is now dead, and he blames humanity.

Beel tries to be the one acting as the middle ground, trying to be the glue, to keep his family, who are his treasure and the people he wants to protect, to keep them together, to keep them close. He struggles a lot with his sin, it affects his daily life, he is aware of how many things can go wrong if he doesn't keep it in check, and we know the least thing he wants to do is end up causing unnecessary trouble, let alone hurt his brothers.

Let us move into Levi now.

He struggles with quickly adapting to new routines, he knows he may be seen as the weakest among the seven, not feeling as if he can shine as bright as them. Being content staying on the shadows where he can be himself.

Let me tell you something, they way the devs handed his lesson where we get to learn how he really feels, his insecurities, how scares he is, how he wishes he could go back to the times where everything was monotonous, simple, to the things he knew.

How he is depressed and doesn't know what to do. Everything on this lesson was so well written that you can understand him, the reason why he does the things he does. And I absolutely love the last part where Lucifer says exactly what Levi needs to hear.

Because after all his family comes first. No matter if he has to go against Diavolo, Levi ends up agreeing to the proposal, but I can't stress enough how important it is that he asked if he was okay with it, reassuring that he could say no. That he didn't need to push his emotions aside and that his opinion matters, HE MATTERS. I may have teared up a bit reading it :')

I love healthy communication.

Okay, before this becomes longer that it needs to be, let me quickly talk about Diavolo and Barbatos.

We know that the og demon King has just recently fallen into his slumber, throwing the weight of being the Devildom's ruler to his son who probably wasn't as prepared as we might think since it is hinted that it was a bit sudden.

We also get to know there are even demons opposed to him becoming the ruler. Diavolo has big plans but has a long way ahead. Thinking about him makes me go back to the OG Obey Me! Lesson where we go with him and Belphie to a theme park in the human work. But I don't wanna give spoilers on this, but I'll leave it with the fact that Diavolo struggles to see sometimes that he is doing something wrong, that maybe he can't use his authority to force someone to do things that they probably don't want to, that there are gonna be cases where he is actually, the one who is mistaken.

Barbatos is there for him, even if we know it was probably Diavolo's request (this was lighly hinted too) he is as efficient as ever, but I can't help but not trust him, don't come at me, I just feel that he knows too much and says too little.

Let us finish with the Angels: Simeon and Luke.

The first time we met Simeon back in the OG game, he already had an understanding of what Diavolo wanted, the wound of loosing his friends and seeing them fall had healed, or at least he no longer felt as if maybe he could have said something to prevent the war, to be able to make them stay.

He keeps his thoughts and ideals to himself, he is trying to recognize his past friends in their new selves, but he is still an Angel, so even if he doesn't feel completely fine with everything, he is going to enjoy being around that people he used to know.

Also, something that I'd like to mention, is that we know that Simeon was demoted for helping Lucifer and his brothers, so let's add that to the list of thing this Angel has to process, alone.

And Luke... he is very similar to the first time we see him on the OG game, making very clear how he thinks of demons and his opinions. I don't really have much to say about him, Lucifer even doesn't seem to know him that well based on what he says when you have it on your DDD's screens.

Anyway, this is all I have to say at the moment I think?

Idk this game is certainly dark.

Thanks for reading! 🩷

[jubileemon]

Verosika Mayday was well-liked for her design and her history with Blitzo, being one of many people he had wronged in her past. However, some find her to be too spiteful and petty, having trouble feeling sorry for how Blitzo treated her.

Despite her career success and seductive prowess, Verosika's encounters with substance abuse and her history with rehab hints at a deeper struggle, possibly a search for meaning or stability amidst the chaos of her lifestyle. She is one of several individuals who have been wronged by Blitzo, as their shared history is marked by betrayal and heartbreak.

When Blitzo confronts Verosika in the recording studio she is shown to have a tattoo, a heart with the name "Blitz" written on it. Except now it has a big cross over it. It seems likely that she loved Blitzo, only for him to break her heart by stealing from her. That fact that Blitzo is so desperate to be loved and believes that no one in his life does love him makes it even sadder. He had someone that truly loved him and through his own self sabotaging antics turned that person into a bitter enemy.

In the episode 'Ozzie's', Verosika's musical confrontation with Blitzo serves as a cathartic moment for her character. Her lyrics paint a picture of a deeply hurt woman, reflecting on their broken relationship. As she sings about Blitzo, it becomes even clearer about how she was very hurt by whatever happened in their relationship. After pointing out what a selfish, unreciprocal lover he was, she describes him as "a reckless, heartbreaking freak".

It makes perfect sense for Verosika to accuse Blitzo of being a bad lover. After all, they were at a sex-centered restaurant in the Lust Ring. Regardless of what other ways he might've made a substandard boyfriend, sex is what the others there would've been interested in. She wasn't just insulting him to vent, she was insulting him to damage his reputation.

I mean, it's the Lust ring. The highest "virtue" in that ring is doing everything and anything to satisfy your lust. Therefore, helping somebody else satisfy their lust is also a virtue and expected behavior. So, doing the opposite of that, denying somebody their satisfaction is the greatest sin one can commit in the Lust ring. Add in that they are in Hell, which is looking at most things through the lense of transactions, and the behavior of which Blitzo is accused makes him look not only inattentive substandard lover but straight out thief and fraud. Because Verosika did her expected part of the deal, and Blitzo didn't do his. Nobody in Lust would care if he stole her money and car, but breaking her heart ("heartbreaking freak" part of the song) after not giving her anything in return for all the things she did to satisfy his lust? Horrible "sin" in that ring.

Despite getting to chew out her ex in a much better fashion than in "Spring Broken", Verosika still doesn't leave the episode on a positive note as she's last seen sulkily swirling a wine glass and taking a drink while Moxxie sings the rest of his love song.

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

Looks at Pep's profile on toyhouse:

Oooh, interesting stuff here! Also lots of sadness in the links! More thoughts below:

<"–and even being rescued himself in a few situations.">

<"- he and Porto helped me home when I was struggling to move, let alone keeping my form together -">

<"Porto, and Bello, found me when I wasn't in the best place, and very vulnerable">

My first thought was imagining Pep in 'Sopping Wet Creature' form being in either Porto or Bello's arms, but it's more likely him having a panic attack and both of them helping him get home.

<"but I realised what they needed, and I gave it to them - I still have that scar... I didn't even know I could get new scars...">

Wait, what do you mean new scars? And hmmm, clones don't really have blood (at least not like regular blood), but given what we currently know (or at least theorize) about Pep, perhaps he was the only one that could've helped Mirtillo.

(On a related note: Mirtillo being purple and considered to be Pep's baby. And a certain picture with a baby wearing purple. I'm not saying they're the same, just that maybe there's some subconscious connections here. Maybe the loss hits harder because he has lost his child before. It's twice now that he was taken away from his family.)

Also the dramatic irony of having an idea of what exactly happened to his family hurts! And every single one of Pep's links being one-sided thoughts! I'm over here making myself sadder theorizing that the last parts of each one are the exact thoughts he had while searching for them! That even though he was able to see the world outside the tower, he couldn't fully enjoy that freedom because in the back of his mind he's thinking that he failed them, that he was too weak and couldn't protect them–

He hopes that maybe, just maybe, he could find them. To be able to hug them again, hold them all in his arms and never let go. He would never ever lose them again.

Okay, I'm done for now.

On happier thoughts, Happy 1 year to this askblog! (It's March 1st where I am) Thank you for sharing this story with us! We appreciate all the love and care you bring with your designs and writing.

Always remember to take your time and have fun with it! Take care of yourself, Bean.

(Shy Theorist)

(AUGH, Shy Theorist Anon, must you sucker punch me right in the heart on this joyous occasion!!! (silly/lighthearted)

But you bring up various points! And I will provide context for others where applicable, like right now;

[Pep's updated reference on toyhou.se] and the [links where he shares his thoughts on his fambily members]

First point about [Porto] and [Bello] rescuing Pep I actually hope to touch on soon! Well, 'soon' as in 'within the next few story posts' - when they will actually be up is yet to be determined jfgksgd - but you're not too far off hehe

Second point about Pep getting a new scar - this is a little confusing since I don't draw scars in my cartoony style (for some reason that I do not remember) - unless it's like [Halloumi's] missing eye scar, which is just a big 'X' - but a lot of the characters do have visible scarring!

We just gotta hit them with the unsilly beam, like this;

And there they are! Although Pep's 'scars' are just markings to mimic Peppino's scars - except for one - while clones do not typically scar due to their healing/regeneration factor, it is possible

[Mirtillo] and [the baby in that 'certain' picture] both being purple babies might be intentional, or it might be bc I have a bias for purple, I'll never tell - but I do confirm they are not the same being, since Mirtillo has been depicted as a newborn clone (the 'gummy bear' stage) and clones made out of human cadavers do not have this stage

And yes!!! Pep doesn't know what happened to any of them, and he misses them all so much!!!

But they just might be closer than he thinks...

... Any way, thank you so much! Your kind words really mean a lot to me, and I always love hearing your thoughts and theories - even if I am a coy bastard about them sometimes, fkgfksdf

I know I keep saying that hopefully we get back to it, and I really mean it, but it in the meantime I just do what I can, and drop a few crumbs now and then hehe)

[chloecherrysip]

Saw your 'Mario has PTSD too' post and I love it. The idea of him trying to pretend that everything is fine for Luigi is just so... augh. I love this trope of a character botteling up their feelings for the sake of others until they can't anymore. May I add a little something? Mario also had a near death experience from getting exploded from the rainbow road and then being eaten by an eel. So I guess he would have PTSD from this too

(Referring to this post!)

Thanks!! It really gets to me too. I just think Mario is very much wrapped up in being The Strong One, The One Who Protects And Makes Things All Right and Can Be Leaned On, and he WANTS to be that post-movie more than anything because goodness knows Luigi needs it (not even just from a mental perspective, but physical too, considering the poor thing hardly slept or got any food/water for what seemed like multiple days!) but there's also his own exhaustion and the dawning realization of how close things were, how his brother could have very easily died if one little thing happened differently, and the guilt, so much GUILT for essentially being the reason all this happened - it's a lot!! And then the guilt would compound once he starts to slip and knows that Luigi can probably tell, and he doesn't want to make him MORE worried when his little brother's already going through his own struggles, so that just makes him try HARDER to seem Totally Normal and Fine and In Control, and it's not a good cycle. :( (But it doesn't take too long before the inevitable breakdown and the brothers getting to cry it out together. Sometimes you just need to do some messy crying and hugging to feel better!!!!)

And yeah, I think that makes sense! Mario didn't have a cakewalk of a time either, that's for sure, even if there were some nice/peaceful moments in his journey. I saw in one fic someone theorize that maybe loud sounds would instantly make him shift into danger mode and being really on edge because of the blue shell for a little while, and I think that makes sense. And man, the eel stuff really does get more disturbing the more you think about it!! DK and Mario sniping at each other is funny, but I still really wish that scene had been given a little more room to breathe and resonate as a stronger, sadder Darkest Moment in the movie. Especially the line "at least your brother's not gonna die because of you!" which is heavy stuff, man! Mario's clearly angry and upset and feels like the situation is all his fault and he's never going to see Luigi again (heck, he'll never see the rest of his family or his home again either) and he tried so hard but he's finally reached a truly hopeless state where he just wants to wallow in how he's let everyone down and be left alone, which is rare for him. It's a brief moment, but a rough one for sure.

(And maybe once it's all over, he closes his eyes and sometimes still sees himself there, wet and cold and broken down, and there's a moment of blind panic where he's convinced he's imagined everything that happened past that point and he's about to be digested and die down here at the bottom of the ocean, with the horrible certainty that Luigi's dead too, that his brother died alone and scared all because of his stupidity, and he can't breathe, he can't BREATHE - and then he wakes up/comes back to the moment and it's all okay, he knows rationally that it's okay now but he still can't fully calm down because what if NEXT TIME.....)

[maespri]

bela talbot . . .

so i just got through rewatching season 3 of supernatural and. i'm 300 years late to the party and fixating on a character from literally One season but man bela talbot will always be like. in my top ten characters in that whole show. because i think complex morally grey female characters should be absolutely worshipped and loved. but in all seriousness- i love her character and the way she was written (which is a high compliment for supernatural lol) and i juuust need to get my thoughts out.

she's obviously written in at first just to bring some sort of chaos to sam and dean's lives and to be an antagonistic figure in bad day at black rock, and she makes that whole episode absolutely hilarious. like, of course she pretended to be a hot waitress and stole a rabbit's foot from sam's pocket and made his life comically difficult for a few hours by doing so. and of course bobby immediately knows her when dean calls to ask if he has any idea who would want the foot. she's so prolific that bobby's literally like, "some freaky woman stole a rabbits foot from y-? oh my god it's probably bela." and of course dean broke into her house to get it back and of course bela has a cat. and the episode ends with bela literally shooting sam while dean is talking about how "i happen to be able to read people. you're a thief, sure, but you wouldn't shoot someone-" while she's actively firing off a round into sam's shoulder. and then she steals $46,000 from them in lottery tickets and drives away. she's hilarious.

but then there's also this underlying parallel that i think is beautifully, and maybe unintentionally at some points, drawn up between dean and bela. viewers are obviously meant to root for dean and dislike bela, but if you squint... they're really not all that different. they just happened to go down two different paths, with dean choosing to use his knowledge of the supernatural to help other people, and bela using hers to help herself.

i'll touch on those comparisons in a second, but going into bela's backstory for a moment- her parents abused her, so she made the deal with lilith, the crossroads demon, to have them killed. what makes that even sadder when i think about it is the fact that bela could've easily killed her parents herself. you don't need a demon to slash the brake lines on your parents car. she was fourteen. she must have been beyond desperate if she were willing to exchange her soul, and agree to live for only 10 more years before going to hell, just to have them killed.

but with that in mind, back to my point about how similar dean and bela are... dean's father was also abusive in many ways- dean just struggled to see it that way. bela is a thief, yes- but dean manages to steal the rabbit's foot from bela, sneaky and undetected practically right from her damn pockets, and wave it in her face while leaving her house unharmed. she's conniving and lying and she doesn't use it for good, but dean is a liar as well- he just does use it for good, whether it be lying about being an FBI agent to get details on a case or lying to sam to try to stop him from worrying about him.

and they are both endlessly stubborn. in red sky at morning, when dean gets in her face talking about how the spirit only kills people who have killed their family, bela just tells him she had a good reason. she doesn't tell him her story, because she doesn't owe that to him, why should she? and in time is on my side, when bela is quite literally living through her last day alive, when her 10-year deal with the crossroads demon is coming to head, when dean has her up against a wall with a gun in her face, insulting her for what she did to her family, saying she makes him sick- bela offers no context. she loathes pity, doesn't want it. she lets him believe she did it for the inheritance when that isn't true at all. and she dies carrying that with her.

and all of that isn't to say bela is excused from what she does, or that she's really good deep down. she did irreparable damage to sam and dean and other people's lives. she's a conniving thief. she only uses the supernatural for her own personal gain. she doesn't really care about how her actions might affect others. and she doesn't have much regard for other people's lives.

but she's still so... human. and the fact that she's so morally grey is what makes her so wonderful. you don't want to like her but somehow a lot of people end up doing just that.

underneath that confident untouchable front she puts up, she's so helplessly human. she goes to sam and dean in red sky at morning to ask them for help because she's literally going to die, and she pays them when they do help her, awkwardly stating she "doesn't like owing people favors." she calls dean three minutes before she's literally going to die and go to hell. he's her last resort. and she begs him for help, and he tells her he can't, not anymore. she had her chance and she sold the colt anyway. in jus in bello (if i'm remembering correctly... i could be wrong), when dean calls bela and is all, "i'm gonna kill you," bela actually seems genuinely distressed and calls him back to tell her that she doesn't like having grudges with people, and she does something to try to make it up to him.

also let's talk about the fact that dean just has bela's number in his phone and that she has him in hers. and one of, if not the only time, we actually see him call her is to be like "hey bela! i'm going to fucking kill you i'm not even joking. bye!" kind of hilarious to me actually.

anyway. i think she's such an interesting character. she had her reasons for doing what she did the same way sam and dean had their reasons for doing what they did. and i really wish we could've gotten more backstory on her character. but yeah thats my thought dump for tonight.

[quodekash]

I could literally fall asleep any minute but im nothing if not sleep deprived and watching my favourite gay little shows!

hey nawa, I see you looking at guy as he struggles in the room on his crutches

you should kiss him

I think that you should absolutely just slam your face into his

give him another injury but its not really an injury it's just a hickey

(we're less than a minute into the episode and im already begging guynawa to make out, we're off to a great start)

we all know this is a complete lie, we've seen the trailers, we know what's gonna happen

but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt my sad little gay soul

sailom what the hell

no way

no

you are not quitting school

is that a frikin letter of resignation or smth? can you even do that?

I love that solution and I wish it were a possibility but sailom's gonna say no, of course he's gonna say no, because the stupid bastard doesn't like accepting help for free

he doesn't understand the concept of FRIENDSHIP and FAVOURS

BITCH YOU CAN ACCEPT HELP, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO ACCEPT HELP, THEY ARE SO SO WILLING TO HELP AND GIVE YOU MONEY AND SCHOLARSHIPS AND PLATONIC LOVE AND H E L P

O4EKLGHNVWOERISDLGI HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY I HATE HIM

guy's right, and I hate sailom so much for it

BUT THAT'S THE THING, he WONT ask for help, theres no way in HELL that he'll ask for help

which is precisely how he ends up getting shot at, alone on a street corner, and why kang will have to rescue him on his bike, and why sailom will stand in the bathroom with kang holding a blanket over him as he sobs 'I have no one left'

its not that you have no one left. it's that you wont accept the help from the people who love you

(and also your brother kind of abandoned you and your parents are dead and your boyfriend also kind of abandoned you and yeah anyone would definitely feel alone in that situation so he's perfectly valid, but also ALL of his friends are offering help, his teacher is offering help, and he's accepting NONE of it)

HUG TIME

OH MAN IM ALREADY SOBBING

I LOVE MEANINGFUL GROUP HUGS SO MUCH

this could be one of the last times that they see sailom for a really long time. theres no way I could possibly be sadder holy frick

I SPOKE TOO SOON

WHY MUST THERE BE FLASHBACKS

WHY

I HATE EVERYTHING

y'know, I really thought he might hug him. but nope. he wrenched that pin off his shirt and took my heart in the process.

OMG

YES

THE PERFECT THING TO MAKE ME REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HAPPY

GUYNAWA TIME PLEASE GUYNAWA TIME

NOOOOO THE SCENE CUT BEFORE NAWA WALKED INTO THE LITTLE ROOM THINGY TO TALK TO GUY IM SO MAD

well, not really mad

mostly just sad

bitch wth

of COURSE he's not frikin doing alright

omg he's here too?

go talk to your boyfriendddd

and also ANSWER MY QUESTIONS PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IM SO CONFUSED GIVE ME ANSWERS

awh :(

thank you krup ;-;

this man is lovely

not just for this but also just in general

but also his actor is the freaking DIRECTOR who is RESPONSIBLE for a LOT of my anguish so we can't be too nice to this guy

oh look at that. the shooting scene is right about to happen

I was expecting it to come later on in the episode but this works too I guess

who the hell are these guys???

they dont say a word

what the hell is going on

thank you kanggg

where did he come from tho

how'd he know where sailom was and that that was happening? did he just HAPPEN to be in the area?

or is he tracking sailom's phone just to make sure he's safe cos like he already got drugged once

hey man, have you ever heard of a little thing called dodgeball?

shocking, I know, but it IS possible for a gun to have been fired, and for the person being fired at to not actually get shot

I can't think of a single reason why sailom would make up this story. like sure you could argue that hes just trying to get an enemy/rival convicted, but he very explicitly stated that he has no idea who tried to shoot him, so it can't be that.

why the hell are you suspicious my guy?

acab is real man, holy frick

how do you know they're all fake tho?

maybe all of them were real reports and you're just an ignorant arrogant piece of shit who doesn't think people under the age of 20 are capable of being truthful

I hate this guy so much

OH MY-

NOW HES STARTING TO SOUND LIKE FRIKIN UMBRIDGE

I WAS IRRITATED BEFORE, BUT NOW IM ANGRY

deep breaths, deep breaths, in and out in and out, lets not destroy our laptop today

thATS WHAT I SAID!

I feel that

:(

im so sad man

oh would you look at that. ive been impaled.

yeah that whole scene was a trainwreck for me. I am very much not even slightly okay but its fine

OHHHHHHH

that makes sense

WHAT

ANSWER MY QUESTIONS BITCH

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT CMON MAN IM SO CONFUSED

the way they fall back into old habits, kang's arm draped over sailom ;-;

I ran out of images as per usual, BUT im halfway through the episode when it happened, as opposed to like ten minutes through, so that's a nice change of pace

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Keen eyes

A-Yuan notices things. He's good at that, at noticing. Hanguang-Jun says he has "an eye for detail", and he says it like it's something special, so A-Yuan figures it is, even if it doesn't feel like he's doing anything special at all.

A-Yuan notices everything. How some of the younger disciples don't tie their forehead ribbons right (Hanguang-Jun ties his own as well as A-Yuan's every morning and it's always perfect). How granduncle Qiren's beard is starting to sprout white hairs. How admiringly everybody looks at Hanguang-Jun, bowing so deeply A-Yuan often worries they might hit their heads into the ground. How the vendors in town wink at him before sneaking him some candy when they think Hanguang-Jun isn't looking.

But A-Yuan notices other things as well. Like the way Hanguang-Jun looks at him sometimes, warm and loving but the tiniest bit sad, like he's trying to hide it but somehow it still shows. How he winces imperceptibly when somebody comes up behind him, or when he has to sit down on those chairs with tall backrests. Or how he doesn't let A-Yuan sit on his shoulders for more than a few seconds anymore.

He notices the way Hanguang-Jun seems lost in his thoughts sometimes as he plays the guqin and a familiar song fills the silence of the jingshi. How he looks nothing like the firm and focused way he does when he teaches A-Yuan the chords. How he looks like he could cry, his eyes filling up, but never does.

A-Yuan notices things. He's good at that, at noticing. Which is why he can't help wondering how nobody else is seeing just how sad Hanguang-Jun actually is, and how nothing seems to cheer him up sometimes, even if he tries to smile and says he is okay.

A-Yuan knows he is not. He doesn't know why. Maybe it's him that's making Hanguang-Jun sad. Maybe nobody else is seeing anything because Hanguang-Jun is only sad around A-Yuan. But why? He's doing his schoolwork and he's training and all his chores are always done. He's still struggling to learn some of the rules, but he'll do it soon! Would that make Hanguang-Jun feel better?

("You've done nothing wrong, Sizhui." Zewu-Jun tells him one day, as if he could read his mind. "In fact, without you, Wangji would be a lot sadder."

A-Yuan -no, Sizhui now - wanted to ask why. But he knew he would get no answer if he did. Granduncle scowled at him when he asked, and even if Zewu-Jun wasn't the kind to do that, he wouldn't have told A-Yuan anything either. Rule 367, do not pry into others' lives...)

[foundtherightwords]

The Quiet Chaos - Chapter 10 (last chapter)

Pairing: Billy Knight (Lethal White/Strike) x OFC

Summary: After a bad breakup throws her carefully-planned life into disarray, Esme has sworn off dating forever. However, when she forms an unexpected connection with a young man named Billy, who's dealing with his own struggles, Esme is forced to face the truth: sometimes you can't plan for love.  

Warnings: mental health issues, angst, slow-burn, developing relationship, dysfunctional family, some violence (non-graphic), some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter word count: 1.5k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9

Chapter 10 - All I Want

The hospital where Billy was staying was like something out of an Edgar Allan Poe story, all crocketed spires and byzantine windows fitted with iron bars. Esme almost expected to see a wild-haired patient in a straitjacket at one of the windows, or perhaps a dark-eyed Victorian doctor strolling along the grounds. The interior was plain, chilly, and impersonal, like most hospitals. A few paintings, which she suspected were done by former patients, were hung crookedly on the walls to give the place some character, without much success. A faint smell of disinfectant pervaded throughout. It wasn't exactly the ideal setting for a romantic reunion, but she tried not to let it dampen her mood.

She had called ahead to ask Billy if she could visit, and he had agreed, perhaps a little reluctantly, or perhaps that was only her imagination. Now she stood by the reception desk after having checked in, anxiously waiting for him. It was quiet, almost eerily so, and the few patients who shuffled past her all had the tranquil but dazed look of the heavily medicated. She was afraid Billy would be the same. No, they wouldn't let him have visitors if he was.

"Esme?"

At the sound of his voice, she spun around and let out a breath of relief. He looked just the same, in jeans and a hoodie, his hair tousled, his eyes soft and perhaps a little sadder, but they were still Billy's eyes. As those eyes settled on her, a look came into them, a look so familiar that it made tears well up in her chest. It was a look that said "You're here!" and "You're here?" at the same time. She had once wanted to wipe that question mark away, thinking it was doubt. She realized now that it wasn't doubt, but wonder. No matter how often they saw each other, the wonder, the amazement that somehow she was with him, was always going to be there. It was how she knew he loved her. And the sweet little ache in her heart, when she saw that look, was how she knew she loved him.

But the ache wasn't so little now. It was filling her chest, making it hard to breathe. A small "Hi" was all she could manage.

"Hi," he said, giving her his usual shy smile that pushed the ache deeper.

"How are you?"

"I'm alright. They're changing my meds a bit, trying to get rid of some of the side effects, so I won't be so tired all the time."

"... That's good."

"How are you? How's Angua?"

"I'm OK. Angua's OK. She misses you." I miss you too. More than I can say.

Another vacant-eyed patient drifted past them. Billy cleared his throat. "Would you like to go outside? We can sit down."

It was freezing in the garden, the dry, brown grass and empty bushes offering a dismal prospect, but the air was fresh after the disinfectant smell inside, and Esme gladly sat down with Billy on one of the benches that dotted the lawn.

"I wanted to make you a Bakewell tart," she said, "but they don't allow homemade food in here, and the store-bought ones aren't as good. So I brought you this." She held out an old iPod. "I've checked with the staff; they said it's OK as long as it doesn't connect to the Internet."

"What's in it?"

"It's the rest of Hogfather. Now you can finish listening to it. I'm also recording Jingo on another, I'll bring it once you're done with this. I'm no Stephen Briggs, but—no, wait, he didn't do Hogfather, Nigel Planer did—anyway, you said you preferred my voice, so—"

Billy gazed at her, again with that mix of wonder and delight. "Thank you."

"Oh and I received your carving," Esme said, trying to sound casual.

"... and?" Billy asked, breathless.

"It's beautiful. But I can't look at it." This was the truth. She had put it on top of her bookshelf, so it was ostensibly on display, but not on her eye level.

"Why on Earth not?!"

"Because it reminds me too much of you," she said, her voice breaking. "Everything reminds me of you."

"Esme..."

"No, I know, we've agreed to take a break," she cut in. This was what she'd come here to say, and she was going to say it. "But I have to tell you the truth, Billy. It's a stupid idea. The worst idea you ever had. And I'm not agreeing to it anymore. So you take as long as you need to get better, but don't think for a second that I'm going to stay away, alright? You're stuck with me."

"But I don't want you to sacrifice—"

"This isn't a sacrifice! I'm not doing this for you. My motivation is entirely selfish."

"...why?"

Why? There was so much she could say to him, so much she had been rehearsing in her head since he'd asked the same question weeks ago. Because you're sweet and kind and I can be myself around you. Because even if we see each other every minute of every hour of every day, your eyes still light up every time and I can't get enough of that. Because you show me that everything doesn't have to be in neat little boxes, that chaos doesn't always mean destruction, that it can bring color and life as well. But she couldn't make speeches. So she said simply, "Because I love you."

His face crumpled. Esme wondered how long it had been since he last heard those words, or even if he had ever had anyone say those words to him. This time, there was no hesitation, no wondering if this was the right moment for a kiss. She took him into her arms and kissed him, long and deep, sealing her promise.

When they drew apart, Billy dug into his pocket. "I have something for you."

It was a little circle of wood, with a leather cord through it to make a pendant. Esme turned it over. Carved into the disk, perfect in every tiny line and curve, was the White Horse.

She lifted astonished eyes to Billy's face. He looked back at her, calmly, tenderly, without a hint of the old fear, his hands steady in hers, not twitching to tap at his nose and chest. "You can wear it," he said. "Or you can wear your silver necklace again. I don't mind. I just wanted you to know that I'm not afraid of the Horse anymore, and it's all thanks to you."

"When did you make this?" she asked.

"Couple of weeks ago. I was going to give it to you at the exhibition. But then the—the thing with Jimmy happened, and I forgot."

"So why didn't you send it with the carving too?"

"I wanted to keep it. To remind me of you." His voice croaked. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'm sorry I said all those things about you trying to save me. I know it's not true. I'm sorry I hurt you." The dam behind his eyes broke, and he buried his face in her shoulder.

"Shh. I know. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I'm sorry I just assumed to know what's best." She cupped his face in her hands, lifting it so she could look into his eyes, eyes still brimming with tears. "Please don't cry," she murmured, kissing away his tears, not caring if his beard scratched her lips.

He smiled through the tears. "What was it that you said, about crying not because someone hurt you, but because you love them? This is like that."

"So say it."

"I love you."

Now it was her turn to go weak at the knees. It had been a long time for her as well. At least since she heard those words said with so much sincerity.

After they untangled from each other for the second time, Esme sniffled, and gave a little laugh. "Did I really say that cheesy line about crying because you love someone?" She covered her face. "See, this is why my mum's the writer in the family."

"Has she written any new Emerald book yet? Emerald Saves a Billy, perhaps?"

"Maybe she meets him under a bridge."

"Yeah. And she saves him from a troll."

"You know what, that actually doesn't sound half bad."

"Certainly better than Emerald Saves an Amoeba."

"Shut up." She gave his shoulder a playful swat. He chuckled and gathered her into his arms. She put her head on his chest as she had done on New Year's Eve, remembering the way his laugh had rung out back then, remembering how she had wished she could have that moment forever. Well, this wasn't a full laugh, but she'd take it. She'd take anything the future might have in store for her, as long as they were together.

THE END

A/N: And there it is. Phew. It's been hard writing this one, not just because I'm not used to writing a developing relationship, but also because of all the angst. At least I've given these two the happiest ending possible, although there is still a long road ahead for them (and who knows? I may explore how they navigate that road in the future.) Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @quinnypixie, @accidentalslag, @etherealglimmer

[expectopatronum18]

-JK Rowling's original draft for the Battle of the Department of Mysteries.

IN TEXT:

"Harry runs for it with prophecy but Sirius is in trouble - goes back - chucks away the prophecy -Sirius chooses death rather than the Dementor - snake there - Voldemort comes"

Personally, I wish this had made it to the books.

In the book though, Sirius's arrogance and underestimation of his opponent in his last moments are supposed to parallel Bellatrix's last words as well, hence showing the distinct similarity between the 2 cousins fighting on diametrically opposite sides.

What does this prove anyways? That Sirius was arrogant? Ofc he was, we see examples of this throughout the 5th book. Plus this in NO WAY compares to the type of arrogance Bellatrix exhibits. She takes pleasure in Molly's grieving of Fred and taunts her asking what her children would do without their mother.

Sirius does have a dark malicious streak, yes, but it still doesn't compare to the way Bellatrix takes pleasure in the torture of her victims.

On the other hand, if Sirius's death had been written the way it is here, it would show a facet of his character. Throughout the books, Sirius tries to pretend as if everything is perfectly normal. When he isn't able to keep up the act, he locks himself away from the world by staying in Buckbeak's room for hours, indulges in drinking, and is affected by the smallest of remarks. Nobody shows him any compassion except Harry, who never shows it out though( poor boy's never learned how to). Mrs. Weasley calls his depressive isolation 'fits of sullens', and literally flings his deepest regret to his face over a simple argument concerning Harry. Dumbledore insists he has to stay in the house despite being a personal witness to all this.

Showing Sirius choosing death rather than trying to fight off the dementors( something he claims would enjoy: “Personally, I’d have welcomed a dementor attack. A deadly struggle for my soul would have broken the monotony nicely") would have really shown the depth to which he struggled during those 12yrs, and just how much he was brushing off his suffering by making that claim. Making him choose death as a means of escape even when Harry's safety hasn't been fully guaranteed at the moment( the thing he cared for the most) would have instilled a deeper understanding of why he acted the way he did in phoenix, and would have ultimately made his death soo much sadder( not lyk we needed that tho 😭 )

[luvrodite]

TONIGHT YOU ARE MINE: THE PLAYLIST + COMMENTARY

note i spent so much time on this au i thought its soundtrack deserved its own post, and then i realised i wanted to add notes on why i chose each song. i don't think anyone really cares, but this was fun to do so i thought i'd put it here, too.

me, myself & i, 5 seconds of summer

this was a song which i thought really fit the reader's internal struggle throughout this fic, with refusing to accept help and that ultimately being the cause of the breakup.

silver springs - 2004 remaster, fleetwood mac

the document i wrote this fic in was originally titled time may have cast a spell on you (but you won't forget me) for the line in this song. i really liked the idea of this being from jason's point of view during the breakup. the whole 'i know I could have loved you/but you would not let me' felt very fitting for the both of them.

ain't no rest for the wicked, cage the elephant

this song was suggested by fall nonnie when we were first discussing songs that the band might perform, and i loved it so much.

tonight you are mine, the technicolors

another song i think the band would perform, that jason and reader would spend making eyes at each other – probably long before they actually get together.

midnight rain, taylor swift

do i have to explain? i will anyway. just, the idea of chasing success and inadvertently hurting the one that loves you. i think midnight rain is a lot sadder, and obviously a story in its own right that doesn't perfectly fit this fic, but that specific aspect really spoke to me. they get their happy ending in this one.

mess it up, gracie abrams

i think gracie abrams is a queen at writing songs for girls (gn) who do it to themselves, and that was perfect for this fic. 'i keep thinking maybe if you let me back in/we can make it better breaking every habit' is very reader and jason in this fic.

grace, florence + the machine

grace is very much an apology for the platonic aspect of jason + reader's relationship. when they broke up, it wasn't just jason as a boyfriend that they lost, but also their best friend. grace was written to florence welch's younger sister, and it makes me ache so much thinking about this line, 'and you, you were the one i treated the worst/only because you loved me the most'

cassandra, florence + the machine

cassandra. where do i even start? 'they cut out my eyes and sent me home packing/to pace around the kitchen for scraps of inspiration'. the idea of losing your sense of self, the ability to write which you've always had, and then it slipping away from you with one single breath. this was for the reader.

everywhere, everything, noah kahan

another song suggestion from when we were discussing this au. the kind of love jason has for this reader.

why am i like this? orla gartland

another self pitying song for the ones who make mistakes and beat themselves up for it. why am i like this?

october passed me by, girl in red

a sad sort of love song for the sad lovers of this story

doomsday, lizzy mcalpine

a bit angry, jason's perspective during the breakup of not being allowed to make that decision with the reader. of being pushed away, and the underscoring of how much devotion there was before it all fell to pieces. i think he's allowed to be angry, i would be too.

too young, louis tomlinson

this au would not be the au it is without a louis tomlinson song. i think this is from reader's perspective, an apology to jason, for giving in and giving up. i also love louis tomlinson and this song so much. i think that, if the timeline of the breakup had been longer, always you also would have made it onto this playlist. i think it's an honorary song, anyway.

meddle about, chase atlantic

sexy song for jason and reader to make eyes at each other on stage to. but also i listened to this while writing the smut scene so.

[words-without-rules]

Incoming rant:

I swear, it feels like anytime I try expressing my gender or sexual identity, it always becomes a whole fucking thing. No matter how hard I try to explain it, it's like they just don't really get it. And, honestly, most of the time, neither do I. I don't feel like a girl or a boy and frankly it bugs me more than I'd like when people refer to me as either. Moreso as a girl because that is what I was assigned at birth as and what I look like, I guess. But I've always felt like I act a lot more like a boy. Ever since I was little, I even refered to myself as a tomboy so I suppose that was the start of it. But I also have a few feminine traits and insterests, I suppose? Which honestly I don't think those things should matter because gender rules are fucking bullshit and don't mean anything!! Which is why recently I started identifying as agender, but I've still been accepting she/her and he/him pronouns, because, I don't know, those just don't really trigger the same response as being called a girl or a boy does in me. But I feel like that's making it more confusing for everyone around me, because they're not sure how to refer to me and can sometimes end up calling me a girl or a boy by mistake. Or some people are just assholes and insist on calling me a girl because of my fucking sex. And what's even sadder is a few of them have been members of the queer community themselves which makes no fucking sense to me! So now I'm considering switching to just they/them pronouns but that's probably just going to make it even harder for people. So maybe it doesn't even make a fucking difference, I don't know. I just really don't give a damn about gender when it comes to identity or romantic or sexual preference. It makes no difference to me. The person on the inside is all that matters to me. Of course, I respect all others identities and pronouns still, this is all just my personal preference. But, I don't know, I've been struggling for years to find the words to properly identify myself. Hell, I remember the day I discovered pansexual was a thing and I was blown away, because I had never felt so.. I don't know, seen? That may not be the right word. And I only just looked up the definitions for all of the non binary terms and learned those for the first time to confirm agender was really the closest term to how I feel. And it is. So now I'm just stuck on the whole pronoun problem. I know people are going to mess it up no matter what I decide, so is there really a point? I honestly just want it to not matter. I want people to call me whatever and just not really care, but I do and I hate it. I'm stuck on this fence of if gender doesn't matter, does it matter how people see my gender or not? Because if they see me as a certain gender, they might make certain assumptions about me as a person based off of that and I can't describe how much I fucking hate it when people do that. I am not my gender! I am who I choose to be and I don't consider gender as any part of that. It's seperate entirely, in my eyes. But I know most people aren't going to see it that way. They'll just skip right ahead into putting me in a box. I hate it. I hate it so much. I've been trying so hard to just ignore it and not let it bother me, but it's getting harder and harder and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing it...