#which might not be wholesome but its good to know where to seek help if you ever need to do it in the future

[smallest-moon]

this sounds really wholesome but then you realize theyre talking about robbing banks

[3days-ofbread]

Ok but like.... how do all the mercs act as like "big brother/dad" to pyro

oh boy do i have some information for you

Heavy:

-He has permanent dad energy, it comes natural.

-Lots of humoring Pyro like going to tea parties or talking to stuffed animals. As the brother to a bunch of sisters, he's used to it.

-Calls Pyro all sorts of things in Russian. It can range from 'firestarter'

to 'puppy'.

Soldier:

-Again with the talking to stuffed animals thing, but he takes it seriously. Like, really seriously. Like screaming at the top of his lungs at them while they're in formation seriously.

-He absolutely taught Pyro how to flare jump.

-Everyone's used to Soldier and brushes him off when he tries to order them around, but Pyro can just waltz in and leave with the entire team at their heels. Soldier really respects that.

Scout:

-You know the domination lines where he calls Pyro 'Mumbles' or something similar? Those, but (affectionate).

-Side note-- each class calls Pyro's stuffed animals a different name 'cause they can't tell what Pyro's saying. Scout gives them "cool" names, ex: Buzzkill, two of them are referred to as Rip and Tear; his favorite, though, is a baseball themed teddy bear, which he named Jeremy and considers to be the coolest.

-Pyro likes to play Catch, so they do that from time to time, and sometimes hours on end.

Demoman:

-They both love explosions, it's a perfect match.

-Demoman has a certain viewpoint of Pyro, especially when he's drunk. It's essentially "heehoo small person :)" and he tends to coo over them because of that.

Engie:

-The "mom friend" instincts combined with thing that likes being taken care of... perfect.

-Pyro loves helping Engie with whatever he needs! Obviously, Spychecking on the battlefields, but Pyro will stand by Engie while he works, available to fetch a tool or component.

-Whenever Engie cooks, Pyro's serving gets a spoonful of sugar in it, whatever that may be.

Medic:

-Admittedly, not all of the reasons he likes Pyro are wholesome. Y'know, killing machine at your disposal. But we're putting that aside.

-The routine check-ups on the crew are essentially playing doctor to Pyro. Medic checked himself before all the others, but he still lets them fiddle with the tools and try to mimic what he was doing. Of course, nothing too dangerous, Pyro might get too excited and accidentally kill someone.

Sniper:

-Spychecking again. Sniper's pretty good at it on his own, but he appreciates the help. And as you can imagine, Sniper and Spy don't get along, let alone Sniper and the BLU Spy.

-Will play along with Pyro if needed. He has a stuffed koala for sentimental reasons (who might or might not have a name, Sniper refuses to tell anyone) and it occasionally joins the other stuffed animals in their escapades.

Spy:

-Technically, he hates them. But he does little subconscious things, like handing over his cigarette if he notices them eyeing it, or (mostly involuntary) playing hide and seek. (Spy is always the seeker. If he really wanted to, he could hide and no one would ever see him again.)

-Extension to the hide and seek thing; Pyro's stuffed animals will sometimes play. They'll hide them in little corners or inside cabinets, and Spy can always find them right away while the other mercs will struggle. If he's alone, he'll mutter "Je t'ai trouvé", or another French sentence along those lines.

-Spy doesn't really have "names" for them. In english he'll just refer to them as "one of Pyro's things". In French, he's labelled them by number and will sometimes call the stuffed animal its respective number. So you could say that's what he named them?

[somebody-909]

Stalkyoo - Black and White Formal Romantic Subtext Analysis

The beginning of I Love Yoo up until the Black and White Formal shows the development of Shin-Ae and Yeong-gi's relationship from strangers to reluctant acquaintances and eventually to friends.

Their relationship's development up until the present comic, in my opinion, reaches a peak during the formal arc, where we see both the completed development of their friendship (neither are reluctant) but we also see the fast emergence of new possible romantic feelings. The arc is pivotal in defining and developing their relationship and we continue to see its effects afterwards. So, in order to better understand the two characters' relationship, let's take a look at the key moments in the arc that explore their friendship and romantic tension.

Ep. 49 | Makeup - A Friendly Face and Romantic Tension

Shin-Ae is forced to attend the black and white formal to take care of her father. She is in an incredibly difficult position, with college exams the next day, her father ill, and now having to deal with this incredibly unfamiliar situation and this horrible dress.

When she sees Yeong-gi however, it’s great to see a comforting and familiar presence. We get a chance to see their friendship in this uncomfortable setting when Yeong-gi shows concern for Shin-Ae.

That is not all, however. The makeup panel (which was removed by Quimchee later on, but is included in the mid-season recap), introduces us to the first instance of genuine romantic tension between the two in the arc (and the whole comic up until here, really).

The two are very close together and look at each other softly. Shin-Ae seems to be blushing, as well. This moment is intimate and romantically tense.

This first scene does a great job at introducing the two major dynamics in their relationship that are explored in this arc: their established friendship and new romantic tension. These dynamics lead up to what occurs on the hospital balcony.

Ep. 49-51 | Hands - Distance and Desires

When Yeong-gi gets up to get Shin-Ae food, she reaches for him and grabs onto his sleeve. This panel introduces Shin-Ae's desire to stick with Yeong-gi throughout the night. We understand how comforting she finds it to be near him.

She extends her hand — showing how she is now also "reaching" for him and his companionship.

In Ep. 50, when Yeong-gi is scolded by his father and leaves to wait outside for Alyssa, Shin-Ae notices he seems down from across the floor. And for the first time, she tries to reach him. Up until now, she has been wary of Yeong-gi and his intentions, but now we see that their relationship has truly progressed to real friends. Shin-ae genuinely cares for Yeong-gi. But before she can reach him, she is interrupted by Sang-chul.

In the next episode, we see Yeong-gi respond to her call, reflecting what Shin-Ae did in Ep. 49, and extending his hand back towards her. Both characters' reciprocal desire to connect with each other is shown through their hands.

This scene, where they reach for each other but don't connect, introduces the arc's recurrent motif/theme of DISTANCE. Shin-ae and Yeong-gi want to connect, as they care for each other and find comfort in one another, but because of the circumstances at the party they are torn apart repeatedly.

And despite (literally and figuratively) reaching for each other, neither their hands nor their good intentions (like Shin-ae’s desire to be there for Yeong-gi) actually do reach each other. This repeats a few times in the arc, causing significant tension; due to the obstacles of the events around them, they can’t reach each other despite how much they may want to. As such, readers also feel relief whenever the two characters do manage to get together.

Ep. 55 | The Dance - A Kousuke and Yeong-gi Parallel

Kousuke, while having good intentions, struggles to understand what Shin-Ae wants, and instead goes for what makes sense to him. Yeong-gi, on the other hand, consistently shows an understanding of what would truly help Shin-Ae.

It is certainly true that Kousuke’s method was pragmatic. If the problem is that Shin-Ae feels humiliated and that he is embarrassed by her, what better way to show that he isn’t than by dancing with her in front of everyone? It’s a well-meant gesture that would show that he cares more for her than what others think and regardless of what they think. However, although his intentions were sweet, the outcomes were less so.

Shin-Ae DOES NOT want to dance. A scene that may have been beautiful, is tainted by Shin-Ae's true feelings of discomfort.

The truth is, Shin-Ae doesn’t want to go back in front of them. She doesn’t want to prove something to them. She doesn’t want to dance. But she feels like she has to. She can’t say no. The dance is actually… sad to see. She doesn’t want to be there.

But as she dances and feels terrible, Yeong-gi shows up. She is immediately excited and put at ease but is also worried about him since she hasn't seen him since he left to go outside.

But then Yeong-gi acts a goof. He understands that Shin-Ae doesn’t want to be there, but she has to. Because he understands the feeling of putting on a performance, despite being miserable… he immediately recognizes Shin-Ae's going through that too. So being the lovely friend he is, Yeong-gi goofs around. What better way to make Shin-Ae feel less tense in this too formal environment by reminding her of a friendly presence and doing something hilariously inappropriate? And of course, he knows how to help alleviate some of her discomfort, because they’re friends, after all, right? Yeong-gi shows a deep level of empathy for Shin-Ae.

The scene also develops a contrast between Kousuke and Yeong-gi — and the differences in how they affect Shin-Ae — that is paralleled many times later in the series.

Yeong-gi is the one who gets Shin-Ae to smile. He's the one who turns this scene from something uncomfortable to wholesome. And yet, he's not the one dancing with her. He stays to the side, in the shadows of the crowd, with distance between him and Shin-Ae, and with his head down. It fits his overarching character arc — staying hidden and away, and unable to chase for what he wants because of a quiet sense of shame and low self-worth.

The significance of him not interrupting and staying off to the side is purposefully emphasized in Ep. 57, when Kousuke says:

"I'm surprised you didn't interrupt my dance with Ms. Yoo."

Yeong-gi doesn't respond and simply looks away and slightly frowns. This emphasizes that there is a reason Yeong-gi stays away, and it's likely because his low self-esteem issues cause him to think, "Who am I to interfere?"

Overall, this dance panel achieves a similar effect to the earlier scene when their hands reach for each other, adding to the tension caused by distance — it feels like Shin-Ae and Yeong-gi should be together, but because of the circumstances, they can’t. They are reaching for each other, emotionally, but just can’t close the gap.

Ep. 55 | “We’re (just) friends... right?” - More Romantic Build-up

Although Yeong-gi knew exactly how to cheer up Shin-Ae, what he didn’t expect was her laugh… or rather the way he feels when she does.

Look at Yeong-gi’s expression — his eyes are widened. He has a look of awe and he seems shocked. He felt something unexpected. Maybe his heart skipped a beat... Could it be possible…?

He also has a resigned smile after, choosing to look at their dance from afar.

After the dance, Yeong-gi asks Shin-Ae to confirm their friendship.

But the panel and his tense smile seems… eerie. Faked. Like Yeong-gi might not be asking this question for obvious reasons. Even Shin-Ae notes that he seems uneasy, with a confused look and a nervous sweat drop.

We’ve already seen their completely established friendship. But as soon the two explicitly acknowledge this out-loud, we seem to have something new to deal with. Why does Yeong-gi suddenly want confirmation of their friendship, and in a manner that seems quite… sad? Why does his smile seem faked? We can look just a few panels prior to have a better understanding of what’s occurring internally for Yeong-gi.

Yeong-gi's shocked expression and widened eyes are similar to other moments of romantic tension, namely the hospital balcony scene and the earphones scene (albeit in a more muted manner). This is the second moment in this arc after the makeup scene that adds to the romantic tension leading up to the hospital balcony scene.

I believe Yeong-gi seems sad when he asks, “We’re friends right?” because when Shin-Ae laughs, he subconsciously feels the pangs of possible budding romantic feelings (it isn’t quite there yet, it is slight, but he is feeling something new) and he immediately subconsciously tries to deny those feelings by having Shin-Ae assert their friendship.

He feels dissonance between two facts:

“Shin-Ae is my friend”

“I felt something when she laughed”

This dissonance is uncomfortable, so he seeks to deny what is implied by the second part (that he may feel more for her). Additionally, we understand Yeong-gi struggles with self-worth. With the added pressure of those around him, as well as Shin-ae who has consistently accused him of being too pushy and a player, it is no struggle to understand why he immediately tries to avoid this feeling at even the first slightest hint of it.

But by looking for an affirmation of friendship to refute what he felt when she laughed, he unwittingly makes a link between what he felt to something beyond friendship.

Ep. 57-8 | The Bar - Brief Respite and a Kousuke/Yeong-gi Parallel

Due to the aforementioned tension, moments like the bar where Yeong-gi and Shin-ae are able to interact and joke around (about boobs in this case) feel incredibly refreshing — everything else is uncomfortable, but being with each other is comforting.

Once the others join them, we also get another slight Kousuke and Yeong-gi parallel. When Alyssa mentions Yeong-gi could dance with Shin-Ae, Yeong-gi refuses, likely due to pressure from Kousuke to be faithful to Alyssa. (We don’t quite know what he would’ve said otherwise). Shin-Ae responds to him refusing the dance, thinking:

“It would’ve been awkward anyways like my dance with Kousuke.”

The phrase "it would've been [negative adjective] anyways" usually implies a sense of settling for an outcome and sometimes slight displeasure.

I will admit that is hard to firmly state she’s disappointed that he said no. But the phase most certainly implies that she would’ve gone along with it if he said yes. (If this is hard to understand, Shin-Ae doesn’t think something like, “Good. I didn’t want to dance anyways.”) Her thought is relatively indifferent, especially in contrast to Kousuke whom she explicitly didn’t want to dance with.

Ep. 61 | Yeong-gi Takes a Stand - Relationship-driven Growth

When Yeong-gi learns that Shin-Ae is in trouble, but is yelled at by his father for his behaviour and not being with Alyssa, he is absolutely terrified at first (poor boy).

Randulph: "What are you doing? Fooling around again? It hasn't even been that long since I last reprimanded you!"

*Yeong-gi flinches*

Randulph: "How many times am I going to have to scold you tonight??? How hard is that head of of yours that nothing I say gets through to you! And Alyssa isn't even with you!"

Yeong-gi: *meekly* "Well — my friend was —"

Randulph: "I'm not through talking!

*Yeong-gi flinches*

Randulph continues scolding him, then says, "Forget about your friends."

To which Yeong-gi replies, "No... Castigate me, humiliate me. Do that all you want after I've ensured her safety!"

Upon thinking about the possible danger Shin-Ae is in, we see him, for the first time, advocate for himself and stand up to his father. Yeong-gi's concern for Shin-Ae allows him to stand up to the man who terrifies him. Shin-Ae takes easy precedent over the politics of his family and it shows how far their relationship has come and how it drives Yeong-gi's growth.

Ep. 62-3 | Sang-chul — Anger on behalf of Shin-Ae & a Shin-Ae and Alyssa Comparison

When Yeong-gi sees Sang-chul with Shin-Ae's jacket, he confronts him.

Sang-chul: "Back off bro. I don't want to start any trouble here."

Yeong-gi: "Too late for it now, innit? You asked for trouble as soon as you tried to take advantage of Shin-Ae."

Yeong-gi gets personally angry on behalf of Shin-Ae. It's another example that emphasizes their friendship.

We also see a contrast developed between Shin-Ae and Alyssa by Sang-chul:

"What is this Shin-Ae person to you anyway? You didn't react this way when I mentioned kissing your girlfriend... Where is she anyway? I still need my selfie and my kiss since you're fine with it."

Sang-chul assumes Yeong-gi must be romantically and sexually involved with Shin-Ae partly because he's a disgusting, sexist dirtbag, but also because, frankly, Yeong-gi seems to just generally like Shin-Ae more than his actual girlfriend.

I also want to draw attention to the fact that Sang-chul has mentioned kissing Alyssa three times: once before when they first met, and twice now. All three times, Yeong-gi didn't react.

In Ep. 63, Yeong-gi begins to move away from Sang-chul to get to Shin-Ae.

Sang-chul: "Heh. That's right. Wuss. Go run to your b*tch."

*Yeong-gi stops*

Sang-chul: "I'll go keep Alyssa company while you're at it! I still haven't gotten my kiss! Should be easy. She must be dumb as hell if she's dating you."

*Yeong-gi turns around, glares at him, kisses him, then punches him* "There's your damn kiss, you gobshite!"

Yeong-gi: "Don't you dare call Shin-Ae a b*tch ever again. And stay away from Alyssa."

Why is it, that now, he suddenly becomes agitated after already ignoring three taunts by Sang-chul to kiss Alyssa? Especially when he was in the middle of getting to Shin-Ae? I'm going to argue that Yeong-gi actually decides to punch him as soon as he first stops after Sang-chul insults Shin-Ae. Additionally, after the punch, Yeong-gi's first demand is to never insult Shin-Ae again, placing emphasis on this. It is also said more forcefully then the second: "Don't you dare... ever again" vs "And stay away". Alyssa is added almost like an afterthought.

There is a purposeful comparison here between the way Yeong-gi treats the disrespect towards the two women. Yeong-gi immediately gets angry enough to get violent when Sang-chul insults Shin-Ae, but barely responds at first when he calls Alyssa dumb and threatens to kiss her. He cares more for Shin-Ae than he does for his romantic partner, Alyssa.

Naturally, since the comparison is between his girlfriend and Shin-Ae, it also paints his feelings for Shin-Ae in a romantic light.

Ep. 63 | Yeong-gi Saves Shin-Ae

When Shin-Ae falls in the pool, it is Yeong-gi who saves her. Kousuke does not. This is another narrative parallel meant to contrast the two's relation to Shin-Ae. They both fall into the pool (parallel) but Yeong-gi, not Kousuke, saves Shin-Ae (contrast).

The episode also focuses almost solely on Yeong-gi's response to Shin-Ae's injury. He is absolutely terrified and feels terrible guilt, thinking he did this to her. But he is the one who saved her. He is the one shown to panic, yell for her, and scream for help. (We can also get into the authorial choice to focus on Yeong-gi's reaction and not Kousuke's... At the very least, it emphasizes that this moment is especially significant for Shin-Ae and Yeong-gi.)

Conclusions

The black and white formal arc serves as a climax for development between Shin-Ae and Yeong-gi — we see how in the face of adversity, the two value each other deeply as friends, and are given romantically tense moments.

There are also multiple narrative parallels, where Kousuke and Yeong-gi are put in similar situations, but the way they impact Shin-Ae are contrasted. Despite having multiple moments with Kousuke, Yeong-gi is who impacts her positively and who she wants to spend time with. This is continued in the hospital finale, when despite literally “reaching” Kousuke (he is with her and holds her hands), it is only after chasing Yeong-gi and being with him that she finds cathartic emotional support and finally cries. (Although these parallels jab at YooTip, I want to focus more on how it emphasizes that Shin-Ae and Yeong-gi's bond is beyond that she has with another person she has known for the same amount of time. It shows the difference between the more basic-level bond she has with Kousuke, vs. her bond with Yeong-gi that is surprisingly strong for people who have only known each other for a few weeks.)

Overall, this arc builds a base for when Yeong-gi first feels true romantic feelings for Shin-Ae: when she holds onto him and cries on the hospital balcony (you can see that analysis here). In this scene at the end of this arc, the two who so desperately tried to connect during the gala, finally do (although their hands still do not touch).

[bitch-for-a-rainbow]

So there's a blanddcheadcanons post that says that "Kara is the mortal avatar of Rao" and I really don't like it, especially in the context of SG 3x04 (The Faithful). At best, as was pointed out to me by a friend with whom I discussed this post, the House of El is likely blessed and somewhat sponsored by Rao, which probably doesn't do much but produce Krypton's greatest heroes, given what the word "El" **means** in Kryptonian. I'm interested in your thoughts on this (pls post your answer).

    I reject the headcannon solely because if it were true it would mean Coville was right and I fucking hate that bitch.

     In all seriousness, though, this is an idea I've seen a lot and I'm not a huge fan of. I don't know much about Raoism beyond what appears in the show and that which can be inferred off of the show. One thing I would point out though is that El in Kryptonian (while obviously being intended to mean God by the original comic writers) can mean Sun or Stars, and since the Kryptonians in the show are, as far as I can tell, monotheistic, and worshipped only one particular star, the El family is not necessarily named God. It would, however, signify their enormous prestige on Krypton and contribute to the famous El pride (or rather, arrogance). I’m not sure it would necessarily have to mean anything more than that-- that the Els are a respected house who have produced a variety of successful politicians, civil servants, and scientists. And (this time reaching a little bit) that they are perhaps so old and respected that their house name was once a title. 

      There is a certain allure to the theory, for sure. Kara is a paragon character. She always, always does what she thinks is right, regardless of the cost, personal or global, and regardless of what other people might think of it. She has a very direct moral compass, and there are only a handful of times when she doesn’t follow it, all of which involve saving Lena. Ship who you want, but it is notable that Kara routinely prioritzes Lena’s life over that of others given the rarity of that happening otherwise. She never even considered breaking Rick Thompson’s father out of prison when he kidnapped Alex, and all he’d committed was bank robbery. Kara has lines she does not cross (though murder is clearly not one of them). She is a character that has seen some of the worst that sentient life is capable of, has seen more death and suffering than most people could imagine, and she came out of it with an all-encompassing desire to protect others. She lives to give people hope. Plus, the humor of having Kara-- the one person most offended by the idea of being an Avatar of Rao-- turn out to be an Avatar of Rao is great.

       But, I would also say that having Kara want to do good because she is the avatar of a benevolent god is reductive and not particularly true to her character. It is true that helping and protecting people is a large part of the core of who Kara is. But there is a difference between altruism and the self-destructive, bordering of suicidal desperation to save absolutely everyone that Kara practices. And to anyone who doubts the suicidal bit, I direct you to the season 1 finale where Kara literally goes on a goodbye tour because she thinks if she goes out to fight Non she’ll die. She still goes because she has hope, but that hope is that she can at least save Earth with her life. She doesn’t fight because she is certain in the ultimate victory of good and justice. She does it because she more afraid to lose another family than she is to die. Kara doesn’t become Supergirl and risk her own life because she believes in good, she does it because she can’t stand to listen to people suffer-- because she has suffered. To use Alex’s words in 1x13 “You fight everyday to keep people from struggling like you have.” Notably also in 1x13, Kara wakes up from the Black Mercy and her first words are “Who did this to me?” and then she goes after Non in what could arguably be described as a homicidal rage-- a rage that is fueled entirely for personal reasons, not the greater good of Earth (though that comes as an added benefit), which is.... not very befitting the avatar of a benevolent god. 

     A major part of season 1 is Kara dealing with grief and rage. She nearly breaks a guy's arm in episode 6 because he screamed at her for damaging his car, to hell with the children he'd almost hit with it. In season 3's Midvale flashbacks we see her first put both hands through a lunch table, then attack Jake when she suspects him for Kenny's death. She gets better at controlling it as the seasons progress, but during Crisis she very nearly melts Lex. Also not particularly godly of her. 

     Then there is the fact that so much of who Kara is is shaped by fear: fear of the government, fear of humanity, fear of abandonment, and fear of herself. In her civilian life, Kara is, for the most part, unnoticeable. She's polite, soft-spoken, doesn't wear a lot of bold colors or styles, and is often a pushover. As shown by her encounter with Red Kryptonite, Kara would not dress or speak the same way to people without the pressure of hiding her identity (though much of her dialogue is purely the loss of her "don't be an asshole" filter, some of it is stuff she had every right to say before and just didn't). I have always found that episode to be very interesting purely for the fact that Kara doesn't actually seem to be seeking harm on others so much as seeking their attention. Her argument with Alex is almost entirely about how much she hates having to hide and pretend to be less than she is. Kara drops Cat off the balcony and then catches her. She attacks the police when they point weapons at her but doesn't kill or even hurt them that badly, instead of destroying the car they're using as shelter. Red-K removed her inhibitions, made her angrier, yes, but if her goal was to actually hurt people, she could have done so-- would have done so, and with great ease. She goes to a public bar and uses super strength to smash bottles by flicking peanuts. Why do that at a crowded bar? Why not just flick potato chips at the windows in her own apartment?

      This is Kara at her absolute worst-- but does she seek out the DEO agents who shot her out of the sky? Does she go after Maxwell Lord or Non? No. She tries to make people pay attention to her. Her most shameful and hideous desire is for people to give her respect. (Admittedly, respect gained through fear, but still.). Kara's a nice person-- much, much nicer than average-- but a lot of that "nice" is just her avoiding conflict to avoid attention.

      Kara is a good person. Kara inspires people. But that is because Kara gets up every day and chooses to be good and to inspire. It's one of the reasons I enjoy Non as a villain so much-- he and Astra are Kara's narrative foils. They also remember Krypton and grieve its loss. They also were trapped in the Phantom Zone. But where Kara had the Danvers to convince her that some good people existed and would risk themselves just to help others, Non and Astra had Alura sentencing them to eternal suffering rather than helping them save their planet (through the means they thought necessary) and then landed on Earth and found it headed on the same path as the planet they'd just lost. Kara had people to help her grieve. Non and Astra were surrounded by misery. They lost hope. Kara discovered it.

     Kara is the Paragon of Hope because she has been hopeless. Because she has suffered so much, seen so much, and because she chooses to believe in a better future. She didn't have hope her first time in the Phantom Zone. She didn't even have hope for a while on earth. From what we can gather, Kara's choice to start actually believing in the future was a gradual shift that occurred sometime after Kenny's death and has lasted her ever since. For Kara, hope is learned. She chose to hope and she won't let it go, and to assign that incredible victory off to her being a God is an insult to her growth and to her character. 

   Now I personally thought “The Faithful” handled this concept very well. 3x04 is one of my favorite episodes of television in general, let alone in Supergirl. Season 3 is my second favorite season, and that says a lot for its good episodes when the bad of season 3 is so, so very bad (To say nothing of the episode to episode production value, we have the waste of Argo, Mon El’s return as obviously he’s grown he has a beard Mon El, and whatever the hell was going on with Kryptonian genetic engineering eclipse causing witches). To this day I don’t know why Kara had magic dreams. The show did nothing to explain it and I can’t imagine up a reason. 

     But “The Faithful” works because it highlights the whole paragon part of who Kara is. When you realize that every person in the room of Coville’s cult is a person she has personally saved-- that hits hard. Especially since only a fraction of the people she’s saved would ever set foot inside that building with the totally not-creepy, entirely wholesome way they deliver the invitations. (“Your daughter is special. She has been chosen. As have you.”) It works because it focuses on how the average human must view Kara, the ones who don’t see her argue with her sister over potstickers and crush her phone when she gets mad. It works because of how desperately hard Kara tries to be a human. It works because the writers know that we, the audience, do not see Kara as anything but a regular person with irregular abilities: a kind and remarkably devoted person, but not a god. 

[leafcabbage]

hi hello very cool tumblr user leafcabbage. i sent an ask a few days ago abt starting your fic i dont remember if i was on anon but if i was then thats me!

anyways bc i'm clinically insane i finished binge reading ycssgwtlfs this afternoon and haven't been able to stop thinking about it actually!! sometimes the it gets worse before it gets better trope isn't my cuppa but you definitely made it work so well if not for the SHEER amount of hurt no comfort liiiiikeeeee omg omg omg omg that series of chapters where ranboo was just slowly losing their grip was just so exhausting to read (shals pos so slash pos!! i mean that like it very deeply emotionally affected me!!) and i am so here for it because it made the comfort at the end so so worth it. very excited to continue w the next parts :D

i also loved the little moments scattered throughout. i want to see so much more of techno and wilbur's relationship because that is really fascinating to me. i could read a whole other fic about that actually they have a great dynamic also bc we saw both their biggest flaws come to the forefront when trying to help ranboo. its just interesting. and!!!!! woah?! whats up with big q and techno?!! intrigue moment!!!!

and even though dream was a piece of shit (btw you wrote the gaslighting SO WELL that is exactly what it feels like. i was genuinely nervous everytime i read his name because we don't know whether ranboo was gonna get manipulated until he started talking. i thought it was a great detail that dream's mood was always the first thing we learned in every scene's narration because ranboo had to walk on eggshells with him. GOOD SHIT!!!! GOOD SHIT!!!!!!!!!) i rlly hope he gets out of that clearly toxic family eventually. how dare you make me empathize with him >:[

and purpled my beloved...... idk i just liked his and ranboo's dynamic. it was cute and i really liked seeing him and punz at the end. he is in the bathroom a lot. hope the guy is doin okay. i took that uquiz you made bfore i started reading the fic and i got him, so i am just attached ig oopsies. also tubbo and tommy's roomie was such a good moment it was genuinely really wholesome and is like my new favorite long build up joke ever :D

(also ahhh sorry if its annoying that i'm sending this in ask form instead of just commenting, especially since its kinda long!!!!!! but my eyes hurt from staring at the ol screen, tumblr interface is just a lot less headachy lol, thanks for writing such a wonderful fic and i hope youre having an awesome day!)

ahh this made me so happy!!! dont worry about sending it in ask form, i love seeing the little blue dot that means i have an ask, its very exciting. this did genuinely jumpscare me (in a funny way), which sound so dumb but i open the ask box and saw a long ask and went "woah!!" and genuinely actually jumped. thought you might enjoy learning that.

long answer so

i really really work hard on making the hurt worth it for the comfort, and having enough time to have that comfort and recovery. i think it helps that im writing a full series so if something wasnt dealt with in ycssg, i have quite a few more fics to deal with it and create closure. but im glad it was worth it! and it got tiring for me writing those chapters to be honest, it draws out just a little long and that was on purpose. it doesnt end at the perfect time, like in an ideal world ranboo would have accepted help at thanksgiving and that would be the beginning of things getting better, but thats not how life works. ranboo did not willingly seek out help, and thats an important part of the story. they accepted help because they were convinced they were literally dying and didnt know what else to do. and then they were somewhat reliant on tommy and tubbo, and if that hadn't been the case things wouldn't have ended up where they were.

sorry im now just talking about my own fic, that was all to say thank you ajshdlfk

thank you with the relationship comment too! i really wanted to make it clear that everyone has a life outside of the bench trio too, so in my head they have semi fleshed out stories and lives. especially dream. theyre all real people (or as real as fake people can be) not just props

dream was such a complex character to write, and he continues to be, and i love writing him so fucking much. he's ranboo's antagonist but he isnt evil and inherently awful, he has his own life and his own problems (which doesnt make what he did to ranboo ok at all, but thats just to say that hes a person out side of it) and im glad the emotions in his scenes came through so clearly!

purpled has ibs thats canon and its because i have ibs and i thought it would be funny. love the guy, really. hes one of my favorite side characters. i love him and im glad you like him too he deserves to be liked. IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ROOMIE i have this ongoing joke with myself that he was fridged but in like a moving out kind of way. he was uhauled. hes my favorite NPC <3

im glad you enjoyed ycssg so much!! and i hope you enjoy the next fics too!!! this ask made me smile very much so thank you for that!!

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

When Dana Terrace did her AMA on Reddit, a fan asked what we could expect for the new season. To which she replied by listing five things:

Parental conflict

A lot of emotions

Island exploration

New characters

...There's a fifth thing in there. You just got to look closely.

Now, when Dana mentioned parental conflict, dozens of fans assumed she was talking about Alador and Odalia, which, I mean...valid. They were the only two parental figures who presented any real conflict, and the idea of Camila being involved seemed implausible due to Luz being cut off from the human world. But no matter how you perceived that line, one thing’s for sure: No one expected Eda and Lilith's mother to be a source of conflict!

Yup. Today we met the woman who created two of the (former) greatest witches in all of the Isles. Was her introduction welcomed? Or did she give the Blights a run for their money for the "Worst Parent(s) of the Year" award? Only spoilers can answer those questions, so keep that in mind as we go in-depth with "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances."

Let's review, shall we!

WHAT I LIKED

The Flashback: Already, this episode comes out swinging by giving us so much information! We get an explanation of what Eda goes through when cursed (which is horrifying), the reasoning behind her gem, the revelation that Eda ran away from home, and the reveal of how she got the portal door. The best part is, none of it feels rushed or forced. Eda's curse and the portal are integral threads to this story, both in this episode and in future ones. Tying them together sets up Gwendolyn's determination to cure her daughter while showing Eda's determination to escape her mother by skipping town into another dimension. There's also a sense of mystery in how and why the portal was in their backyard. And judging by how we got all of this incredible information in episode FOUR of the new season, something tells me we'll get answers to those questions sooner than we might think. This was such a strong opening to the episode. Despite giving so much information, it makes fans like me want even more. Which is an A+ in my book.

Gwendolyn: Yeah, might as well step out the gate in saying that I like Gwen...but I can already see how others won't. Immediately, she sets herself up as a mother who would do anything and everything to cure her daughter. That aspect of her character is perfect, and it quickly won points from me in terms of liking her. It's just that Gwendolyn's disregard of what Eda wants and the complete dismissal of Lilith are aspects of Gwen that are certainly going to rub some people the wrong way. Especially if those kids come from households where their parents are a lot like Gwendolyn. I was in the same boat of hating her too for a while, but thankfully, the last act saved her.

First, there's that scene where Gwendolyn threatened the lives of the demons for not only screwing her over but making things worse for Eda. It's one of those "Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned" moments that I always love to see.

Then there's the fact that Gwendolyn learns her lesson and, more importantly, apologizes. Not many actual abusive mothers would do that (Looking at you, Odalia), so it's nice to see that she makes an effort to make amends. Oh, and by the way, since I mentioned it, don't go around calling Gwendolyn abusive. She isn't. Or, at least, not to my eyes. If anything, she's a lot like Sara Fitzgerald from My Sister's Keeper (The book. Not the movie. The movie sucked).

In that story, Sara makes controversial choices that result in her youngest daughter Anna getting the short end of the stick due to putting all attention towards her eldest Kate. But here's the thing: KATE HAS CANCER! So while Sara's choices are beyond questionable, you can understand her point. And if you don't, well, I'd see how you would react when in her shoes. Trust me when I say that situations like this aren't always cut and dry. It's the same with Gwendolyn. She's far from "Mom of the year," but you understand where she's coming from. She wants to do what she can to help Eda, even if her methods could have been better. But that's just how I feel, and I can't speak for everyone who dealt with mothers far worse than her. If you refuse to forgive her, I'll understand. But to me, I consider Gwendolyn a worthy addition to the series.

(Plus, she just radiates Grandma energy when interacting with Luz. It's cute, and therefore I must love it!)

Luz: This season is on FIRE when presenting Luz!

I adore that the first thing we see her doing in this episode is sleeping after, most likely, another all-nighter to find a new portal. It proves that she has a determination made of iron and an intense dedication to getting back to Camila. In fact, it's that dedication that works as a perfect way to build a connection between Luz and Gwendolyn. They both want to reconnect with their families and are willing to do whatever it takes to do so.

Regardless, despite so desperately wanting to see Camila again, I'm glad that Luz still has common sense when it comes to helping Eda. She quickly sees that Gwen's cures are doing more harm than good, and it's great that Luz is the one to call malarky on the whole thing. No one had to spell things out for her because she's smart enough to notice that everything Professor Warlop is marketing feels a lot more like the fake medicine real people sell in the human world. It's a testament that despite having a big heart and the best intentions, Luz still has the intelligence to know when something is up and put a stop to it. And, again, let's hope that more people pick up on that.

Lilith: ...who would have expected Lilith of all characters to have most of the emotional moments in this episode?! I sure didn't!

But...Yeah. Lilith is the best thing in "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances." On top of her seeking Gwendolyn's approval being relatable for some viewers, it's also really heartbreaking. I mean, listen to the shocked and hurt tone in her voice after finding out Gwen visited Eda regularly. That alone should give away how much Gwendolyn is important to Lilith and says so much about how strained their relationship became after the curse. Then there's that scene where she just breaks down, feeling both scared and torn apart by the fact that she experienced the curse in its full form and could do nothing to stop herself. It...stung. That's the best way to describe it. It stung seeing a character who is (mostly) cool and collective to become so vulnerable and broken. And, you know what? It's because of this that Lilith has won me over. I still don't think she should have been as forgiven as quickly as she was, but after learning what Lilith went through and what she's currently going through, I'm more than willing to be ok with her. And--I can't believe I'm saying this--I'm going to miss her being a part of the Owl House. She earned her place, in my opinion, creating entertaining dynamics with everyone. Sure, she'll make appearances every now and again, but I wouldn't mind a few more episodes with her being with the main group. But I'm positive the writers will have plans for her in the future and seeing how well she was written in this, I can't wait to see what they do next.

King Hoping to see his Dad Again: This was just a cute tidbit that ties nicely into last week's episode. Bonus points for that scene where King and Lilith get drunk off of Night Market ice cream. It got a good chuckle out of me, especially when Hooty was the one who ended up being the voice of reason.

Cursed Lilith: ...How does she look worse and more terrifying than Eda?

How Beast Keeping Magic Works: Not much I can say about this. It's neat to be given a visual explanation of how Beast Keeping magic works and how it's more than just controlling animals. Judging by the roof shingles, it can also be making objects more animal-like. It's pretty cool, and I hope to see more of how the rest of the magic from the prominent covens work.

Luz wasn’t the only human: To tell you the truth, this doesn't surprise me. Eda did say that every myth humans have is a bit of the Boiling Isles leaking into the human world, so why can't the opposite be true? However, the reveal of there being a famous human around many years ago presents many more questions, and possible theories, that deserve to be discussed in a future post. For now, I'll just say that it's awesome how this reveal perfectly transitions us to next week's episode, "Through the Looking Glass Ruins." We already know Luz is going to the library. But, seeing how Gus is going to be a prominent character in that episode as well, he probably wanted to tag along with Luz to study about the first human in the Boiling Isles. Only to then get sidetracked by some cool kids from Glandis. It's in the realm of possibility, thus proving how more serialized this season compared to Season One while still being somewhat episodic. Because even if "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" presents a lot for the overall story, it's still its own tale about family relationships and knowing how to truly be there for the people you love. Resulting in a necessary and cute episode that ends on a wholesome note without any major surprises like--

Creepy Clone Luz: ...

...Dana Terrace, you lying--YOU SAID CREEPY LUZ WAS A FARCE! IN THE SAME AMA, TOO! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SNAKE TONGUE, GOSH DANGIT!

...Alright, now that I got my overreaction out of the way, this was an amazingly well-written surprise!

Tricking fans into thinking that Camila is crying over the realization that Luz is gone, only to then reveal this...thing, is the best shock to the system that this series has done so far. Even better, it results in all the right questions:

Who is it?

What is it?

Where did it come from?

When did it get there?

How did it get there?

How does it know about Camila?

And why? Just, why?

To me, a series that presents all of these questions, and makes me excited for whatever answers are given, is a series that's doing something right. Because if I'm still reeling over something that lasts for a second, despite seeing the episode hours ago, that is a testament to how good a surprise really is.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Trust me, I want to give this episode the A+ just for that ending alone. But, there are some issues I have that are worth discussing.

Eda’s Outfit Change: I know. It's the nitpickiest of all nitpicks I could present. Particularly because Eda doesn't even look bad (although that's no surprise). The issue is that it feels weird that Eda's having this permanent outfit change in the fourth episode of Season Two. Or, to me it is, at least. Because I think that if you're going to give a small yet constant change to the look of a character, it should be done right away. Like, in the first episode of a new season. I highly doubt fans would question why Eda is wearing different clothes by then, so it wouldn't be too bad if the first time we see her, she’s sporting a new outfit. Again, this is just me, and I have no problems with the outfit itself. It just seems odd they would do this later rather than sooner.

Screwing with Eda: I...did not like this. At all. It was funny at first to see Luz and Gwendolyn lure Eda with Apple Blood like how Wile E. Coyote would bait the Road Runner with birdseed, but it quickly took a turn. Because I don't want to see Eda meet inconvenience after inconvenience from her mother and surrogate daughter. I like Eda, and seeing her happy makes me happy. If I wanted to laugh at a character's suffering, I would have picked Boscha, Mattholomule, Alador, and/or Odalia. This? This was just unnecessary cruelness to a character who doesn't deserve it. And it takes up a good chunk of this episode, making me question whether or not this would be the stinker I was fearing. Fortunately, the ending increased my enjoyment by several notches, but that doesn't change how this was the low point of "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances."

IN CONCLUSION

Despite the road being rocky in the middle, I still consider "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" to be another solid A episode. The first and last few minutes have some quality writing that adds more to the characters, ongoing plot, and mystery that the series is building up. It's one of those important episodes you can't skip when watching a series, but given how it's keeping the new season's impeccable track record, I fail to see how that's a problem.

(Although, I am scared. We haven't gotten a stinker yet, and I really don't want it to be next week's episode. It's a Gus episode with sweet Lumity content on the side! That cannot fail!)

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Mmmm'kay, I'm loving this arranged marriage au, the possibilities are endless. But... imagine if once they got married and they went to their shared home for the first time and they found only one bed? The tension. And then they're both like, "I don't wear a shirt to bed..." 😂

Yeah anon, it really grew on me too. It was going to be angstier as I was writing, and then I realized, wait, this has so much potential, so I softened it up a bit.

So “there was only one bed” in the “arranged marriage au”, huh, got it.

Here’s the first part

cw and tags: angst, trust issues, double entendre noises, naked cuddling, pining, sleep deprived Runaan has his own opinions, light bdsm but for angst reasons, biting, falling asleep on someone

____________________________

Runaan stalked in through the tree house door ahead of Ethari, dropping his flower crown carelessly atop a side table. Ethari slowed to catch it from sliding to the floor, hanging them both on pretty silver hooks set into the wall. The hooks were meant to hold the flower crowns as they dried and became a nostalgic reminder of Moonshadows’ vowing night, a permanent decoration to be seen by all who entered the home. Every vowed household had one.

Ethari stilled as Runaan’s footsteps retreated up the curved staircase and faded from earshot. He ran a soft fingertip along the edge of a lunabloom petal and felt a heaviness settle on his shoulders.

“My vowing night,” he murmured, so softly that only the flowers could hear him. “I imagined it very differently when I was a wee lad. With more kissing, for sure. I barely got any--”

A soft cough outside the door perked his ears with alarm. He whipped the door back open and stared out at a sheepish Lain.

“Hey, bro.” The rangy assassin straightened up from a crouch near the door’s crack and slouched easily against the tree’s thick bark. “How’s things? Need anything before you two tuck in for the night?”

Tucking in doesn’t seem to be on Runaan’s to-do list, I’m afraid. But Lain’s smirk told Ethari that he might be missing something. “Lain, what are you doing?”

“Vowing vigil, bro. Assassin thing, you wouldn’t understand.”

Ethari’s feet hurt from hours of dancing beneath the full moon’s light, and he was starving and exhausted. But for the sake of his brand new husband, he pasted on a smile and asked curiously, “Maybe you could explain it to me? ...Bro?”

Lain blinked, and then a broad grin sidled across his face and decided that it liked it there. “Sure, bro. Assassins have each others’ backs, yeah? No matter what. When one of us falters from injury or falls ill, the others gather around to keep them safe. When one of us lets his guard down, we gather, too, and hold ours high.”

Ethari squinted in puzzlement, not following Lain’s secret assassin lingo.

Lain flicked his gaze up toward the various branches overhead, belonging to half a dozen different trees. “Runaan’s our leader now. But he’s gonna let his guard down tonight, for you. And we’ll hold vigil to defend him while he does it. No matter how many times he does it,” Lain added, with a giant, cheesy wink.

Despite Lain’s suggestive joke, Ethari’s cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment and his tummy miserably curled in on itself. He recalled Runaan’s clipped words on the day they’d finalized their betrothal: “Don’t you dare kiss me again. You’re lucky I didn’t stab you.” Runaan wouldn’t be letting his guard down, in any respect, today. Or possibly ever.

“Thank you for your courtesy,” the woeful craftsman managed, before turning away and closing the door in Lain’s face.

His feet found the stairs, and he trudged upward with a heavy heart, just wanting to find a place to crash and sleep. High narrow ceilings that slotted up through organic gaps in the tree gathered darkness overhead, winking with mushroom light and the odd moonfly. Delicately carved walls and living lattice windows showed him various rooms along the side of the stairwell that wound upward around the heart of the tree itself.

This place is beautiful... I’ll have to explore later, after I catch some sleep. Where is the bedroom in here, anyway? Ah, here-

He came to an abrupt stop outside a graceful wooden arch twined with soft glowing vines and nearly bumped right into Runaan, who was swiftly exiting the bedroom with an armful of blankets--as well as cheeks the color of moonberries. Their eyes met--Ethari’s seeking, Runaan’s vulnerable, darting away. Ethari glanced over Runaan’s shoulder, seeking the source of his seeming distress, but saw only a spacious, neat, empty room behind him.

“Where are you going?” he asked Runaan.

Runaan studied the blankets he held, then raised a wry gaze to Ethari’s face. “There is only one bed here. I will sleep elsewhere.” He moved to slip past Ethari into the hallway.

Ethari’s hands clutched at Runaan’s shoulders. “No, you can’t do that.”

Runaan’s gaze was cold. “Take your hands off me.”

Ethari jerked his hands back as if they’d been burned. “Sorry. I only meant that... the assassins are watching the tree house tonight, and they’d know that you... that we didn’t... uhh...”

Runaan’s eyes widened and his gaze sliced toward the nearest outer wall, looking vulnerable, hunted even. Ethari’s heart clenched at the sight. Had the assassins’ supposed vigil slipped his mind? Was it just a prank Lain was pulling?

“That’s... really a thing, then?” he asked.

The quirked frown that snapped into place on Runaan’s face seemed to indicate that it was.

“It seems we’re trapped in here until moonrise,” Runaan grated.

Wow, that makes me feel great. Thanks for that. Ethari let his shoulders slump as Runaan spun and retreated deeper into the bedroom.

The assassin plopped his blankets on the foot of the broad bed. Ethari approached and stood beside him at a safe distance, studying it analytically. Runaan shot him a side glance and opened his mouth sharply, but Ethari spoke first. “No one needs to sleep on the floor. Look at this bed. It’s enormous. Five elves could sleep here and not even touch.”

“You exaggerate. I only see room for three.”

“Oh, should I go invite Lain to sleep between us, then?” Ethari teased, before he really grasped the words he just said.

Runaan rounded on him. “Is this funny to you? Have you no respect for--?” The assassin managed to snap his mouth shut before he said anything further, and he huffed a furious snort.

Ethari backed away, his guts swirling with guilt. He’d fooled the village council into choosing him as Runaan’s marital ally, hiding his feelings from them, and from Runaan too. And then he’d tried to steal his first kiss, blurted the truth, and confessed what felt like an innocent, wholesome, clever chain of events. Except now Runaan didn’t trust him. Their union had meant to strengthen Moonshadow relations, but Ethari had brought the seed of deceit into its very heart.

He looked down at his boots, silent, waiting. This was no time to try to earn back Runaan’s trust. That would be a long and painful process as it was. Better to start when his husband wasn’t actively yelling at him.

Maybe tomorrow, after a good night’s rest. If we can manage to figure out how and where to find it.

When he peeked up at Runaan through his lashes, the assassin was staring at him with wide intense eyes. Ethari raised his brows. Runaan kept staring. Not fondly, either. Ethari’s shoulders slumped, and his gaze found the smooth wooden floor. The grain was beautiful, he noted, full of deep blue-silver swirls.

Runaan tucked his hands behind his back, cleared his throat, and took a deep breath. “I apologize. This is no way to begin our... arrangement. If we must share a bed, then I suggest we get to it. We’ve had a long day of... of getting married. You must be as tired as I am.”

Ethari offered him a tired half-smile. “Do your feet hurt too?” he asked softly.

Runaan’s brows evened out. “I’m on my feet all day. Hours of dancing are no hardship.”

Ethari let his eyes slide toward the outer wall of the tree house, beyond which he knew several assassins were pretending not to eavesdrop. “That’s a real shame, Runaan.”

Runaan’s eyes zeroed in on him with intense focus. “Explain.”

-*-*-

“Ah, right there, push harder,” Runaan moaned, writhing lightly on his stomach atop the soft bed. His long hair sprawled, tousled and tangled, across his bare back.

“You sure you can take it?” Ethari’s question breathed through closed teeth as he bent to his task, hands working over the assassin beneath him, lending his body weight to the sweet, insistent pressure he offered.

“I’m going to be sore when I wake, no matter what,” Runaan said breathlessly against the pillow he clutched. “Your hands are v-very skilled--aah-- Please, please, continue... hnngh... aahhh...”

Ethari chuckled softly at the sweet, desperate noises Runaan was making. The lanky assassin looked delicious all stretched out before him, all long legs and tousled hair and breathy gasps. He dared to hope that, one day, Runaan might make them for another reason besides getting an intense calf massage to work out the knots from too much dancing.

Runaan’s other foot kicked helplessly atop the blanket as Ethari pressed a knuckle into a new knot high on Runaan’s calf. “Hhhgh, moon and shadow,” he cursed.

Ethari’s hands paused, holding Runaan’s muscled calf protectively. “Too hard?”

“Mm’mm. Keep going. It’s good for me.”

“I’ll slow down,” Ethari offered. “I don’t want to break you on our first night.” He couldn’t help but say that last line with a sassy grin.

Runaan’s head popped up from his pillow, and he shot Ethari a hot glare over his shoulder. “You couldn’t possibly--”

Ethari drove his knuckle deep into the knotted muscle.

“AAH-ha-haagh, moondimmit, fuck!” Runaan swore. “Light and shade of the sacred cycle, have mercy on my s-soul...” he squeaked.

“Ooh,” Ethari cooed, “I like it when you plead.”

Runaan’s gaze could’ve stripped the bark off the entire house in a single slice.

A sudden sliding scuff on the branch outside the shuttered window drew their attention. It was swiftly followed by a quiet yelp as someone outside lost their footing.

Ethari paused his hard kneading and flicked his eyebrows with another sassy smirk. “Well, that’s three assassins we’ve overwhelmed so far. How many more do you think will want to listen in?”

Runaan let his forehead plop into the pillow as he caught his breath. “It’s been an hour. We’ve made our point. And I’m not sure I can walk at the moment.”

“You want me to carry you somewhere?” Ethari offered softly. He rested a light hand against the back of Runaan’s knee.

“No, I just want to sleep with you now.”

Ethari blinked, unsure he’d heard right. “S-Sorry?”

“We’ve established that I can’t sleep anywhere else, Ethari. So I have to sleep with you. All I meant.” Runaan groaned and rolled into a sitting position at the edge of the bed. One hand reached for Ethari’s scarf. “You don’t plan to sleep in that, do you?”

“Uhh. Nope.” Ethari tugged his scarf free. “I don’t sleep in much, actually... I get hot... uh...” Like right now. It’s really hot in here all of a sudden!

“Hm. That’s fine. I don’t sleep in anything at all.” Runaan stood up and shucked off his trousers with zero ado whatsoever.

“Hrkk!” Ethari choked against a fist. “Are-Are you s-sure you...” Moon help me, I’m just infinitely gay, infinitely, did he just, did he-- Help....

Runaan turned around and looked down at him, hands on his narrow hips. Ethari desperately locked his eyes onto his new husband’s turquoise ones, feeling his cheeks burn.

“I’ve got about five minutes of consciousness left before I crash,” Runaan said in a cool tone. “And I’m not falling asleep around someone I don’t trust, unless I can control the risks he poses.”

Ethari gulped. “Wh-What does that mean? Are you going to tie me up or something?”

Runaan raised a speculative eyebrow.

-*-*-

“Not too tight?” Runaan murmured, kneeling at Ethari’s side as the craftsman lay on his back, wearing nothing more than a soft pair of sleep shorts--which was more than Runaan was wearing. His fingers lightly adjusted the soft bindings around Ethari’s wrists.

“This really isn’t necessary, I promise,” Ethari began. “I’ve already agreed to--”

“I know what you’ve said. I also know the depth of your capability for deceitfulness. If you’d been truthful, we wouldn’t need restraints.”

We. How “we” does he mean that? Ethari wondered.

“Now roll onto your side,” Runaan ordered. “I’m not turning my back on you again, and I’m keeping you right where I can find you.”

With his eyes wide and dark, Ethari rolled over and felt Runaan tuck his bare body behind him, nestling close. Ethari’s breathing stuttered as Runaan hooked one leg atop the craftsman’s hip, pinning him in place. He clutched his softly tied hands to his chest to reassure himself that he was still breathing. This was torture of the worst kind! To be in love with such a beautiful elf, to be allowed to marry him, to share a bed, to watch him strip down and snuggle tightly--and to have it all mean something entirely different than what Ethari had begged the universe for--it was the sweetest dagger in his heart. He knew he’d never recover from its wound, and he wasn’t sure he even wanted to.

Runaan’s hand snaked between Ethari’s arm and his ribs and clasped his wrists lightly, tucking one seeking finger under the bindings. The touch was so intimate and gentle, as if Runaan were admitting that he too were bound the same way as Ethari was, that it brought a shaky tear to the corner of Ethari’s eye.

His struggles to smooth out his breathing did not go unnoticed, however, since the assassin was pressed skin to skin against his back. Runaan’s fingers gently rubbed along Ethari’s wrists, soothing the cord’s rub.

“Sometimes I don’t trust myself, either.” Runaan’s voice was slurred with sleep. His five minutes had come and gone, perhaps a couple of minutes ago.

“I swear to you, Runaan,” Ethari said, breathing his words like a prayer, “I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted this.” He wriggled his bound wrists against Runaan’s grip.

Runaan squeezed the bindings possessively. “Maybe I did.”

Ethari gasped slowly at Runaan’s sleepy confession. Then he gasped harder as Runaan’s mouth closed over the skin at the base of his neck. Runaan instinctively clasped him still with all his limbs, holding Ethari in his control with a soft hum that grew gentle teeth against his skin. Ethari froze, entirely breathless, trembling with a heady concoction of delight, fear, and arousal. “R-Runaan?”

Runaan’s mouth nibbled gently, sleepily. “Mmmm.”

“Runaan, are you... awake?”

The assassin’s teeth grazed his skin and claimed his ear, biting gently, sucking on its tip. “No. And don’t you dare tell me about this in the morning.”

A waterfall of helpless, confused, ecstatic noises tumbled from Ethari’s mouth. Runaan’s hands began roaming him, and his teeth dragged and nipped in their wake, drawing gasps and curses from Ethari’s lips, making him writhe against his husband. Runaan’s nibbling became insistent, and he crawled across Ethari, pushing him onto his back, pinning his bound hands over his head even as his mouth worked along the lower curve of Ethari’s left pec.

Ethari bucked helplessly and groaned until his voice shredded into a needy whine. “Runaan, please... aah...”

Runaan nipped his way across Ethari’s heart and along the side of his neck, drawing ever louder sounds of pleasure from Ethari’s lips. He eased down flush atop him, tucking his long slender legs outside Ethari’s sturdy ones. Rampant heat flared between them. But while Ethari was getting worked up, Runaan was relaxing bonelessly, his breathing slowing.

He pressed his mouth to Ethari’s ear, nipping gently at its lower edge. “Hold me, Ethari. I want to trust you so much.” And he let go of Ethari’s bound wrists and nestled his head against his husband’s muscled shoulder.

Ethari tensed, as desperately confused as he was aroused, but he lowered his arms to hold Runaan close, craving the smell of his hair, the weight of his body, the warmth of his breath. “I... I have you, Runaan...”

“Mmmm.” The assassin’s breathing slowed and evened out as he passed fully into slumber, sprawled without a stitch atop the elf he claimed not to trust.

Ethari felt his body throb hot against Runaan’s lax weight. With a tiny whimper, he let his head fall back against the pillow. No...This really is torture of the worst kind! He flexed his wrists against Runaan’s bindings as they rested against the small of the assassin’s back. How am I supposed to survive this kind of cruelty?

He bemoaned his indecently unfair fate for several minutes before exhaustion claimed him, too. His last waking act was to kiss Runaan’s temple and murmur, “Sleep well... husband.”

At Ethari’s soft words, Runaan let out a deeply contented sigh and snuggled closer.

Alone in the dark, and yet not quite as alone as he had been, Ethari thought he might cry, for every single reason at once.

[buckybarnesbingo]

Titles Game

Tonight I'm Going Back to My Old Ways - suggested by @steverogersnotebook

@somesortofitalianroast - Bucky didn’t usually go for straight guys. Not since Brock in college, anyway. But tonight, all he could see was the blond across the bar. He was laughing with his friends, and he was gorgeous. Muscles for days, a body Bucky wanted to climb like a tree, and a wonderful smile that was a combination of Hallmark wholesome and downright dirty that shouldn’t have worked, but did. The piercing blue eyes just sealed the deal: Bucky was going to get him in his bed. (there would definitely be a tag in there about how they need to communicate and how Steve's not straight)

@wolfnprey - Bucky had settled down after he started a family. Everything told him he didn't deserve happiness, but he was beyond listening. Until some old ghosts showed up. Literal ghosts, and they were hellbent on making sure Bucky's life was upended. He'd buried the necronamicon in the basement ten years ago, but now he was digging it up with the help of his old partner. If only Steve was forgiving.

@steverogersnotebook - (Early recovering Bucky) finds it hard to come to terms with the modern Brooklyn, seeks out night clubs and smokes like a chimney in an effort to feel the way he remembers feeling.

@ribbonsflyingoutthewindow - Their relationship had been strained in a way that Bucky was pretty sure couple's therapy couldn't fix. Not that he had tried. He wasn't about to unload all of his trauma concerning not being his old self anymore on some poor middle-aged Brooklynite mother of three even if she did have a degree that supposedly helped. There was no way she was prepared to help a brainwashed assassin with a fault list from Coney Island to hell and back again. So instead he'd unloaded all of that on Natasha. As a best friend, she was legally obligated to listen to him anyway. And besides, she was cheaper; she could be bought with a whine and a wine. However, talking to Natasha also meant he got the cold, hard truth that his relationship was suffering not because he'd forgotten who he was and became a brainwashed assassin for decades, but because he'd forgotten who Steve was and hadn't spent a lot of time figuring it out again. So per his therapist's (Natasha's, whatever) advice, Bucky's getting back to his roots and rebecoming the man who knew everything about Steve Rogers and hoping that maybe somewhere along the line, he can figure out what it was that made the two of them work so perfectly together.

More under the cut!

Down the rabbit hole - suggested by @liquidlightz

@phoenixgryphon - MCU Nat going down the rabbit hole that is pre Cap2 TWS information

@steverogersnotebook - An edgy Alice AU where bucky meets the OUAT version of the mad hatter.

@somesortofitalianroast - Bucky wasn’t sure how, but he was constantly seeing the same figure out of the corner of his eye. A tall, muscular blonde, who seemed as though he wasn’t quite there, which was why Bucky was sure he was imagining the man, or confusing multiple tall muscular blonds. They weren’t as uncommon as one would think, and Bucky was so tired, so he decided not to worry about the blond. Until the day he literally fell down a rabbit hole - in Brooklyn, of all places - and ended up in another version of New York.

@wolfnprey -  Stripper AU. Nat drags Bucky to Down the Rabbit Hole for a particular stripper named Alice who is a beefy blond with bright blue eyes.

@bookdragon13 - Or alternatively: Steve goes to Storybrooke during his quest to find Bucky and meets Jefferson. Steve immediately goes “Bucky?” And Jefferson, in his sassy way, says “who the hell is Bucky?” But proceeds to use his hat to help Steve find his Bucky, if only to meet his lookalike Whether or not this becomes angsty, I’m not sure

@psychiccatpanda - Bucky In the 21st Century:  After spending too much time on the internet trying to figure out what some of the things he’d been hearing about really were, Bucky wishes he’d trusted Tony when he said, “Snowflake, there’s whole swaths of the interwebs you don’t want to know.  Trust me, please?”  Now, six and a half hours later, he knew that there was Avengers fan fiction (and what that consisted of) and Avengers cosplay porn.  He wasn’t sure what to do with this information.  But maybe he just needed to do some more research. After a snack.

@liquidlightz - Alpine was very protective.  Bucky loved gardening and he'd planted many different flowers, but there was a fat rabbit that kept popping by and eating all the best tulips, daylilies, you name it.  Bucky was hesitant to harm the creature, but Alpine was having no more of it.  She chased said rabbit down its hole and Bucky had to dig her back out.

@ribbonsflyingoutthewindow - Bucky’s family owned a farm so he'd had a plethora of pets his entire life, but when he'd moved to the big city, Bucky had stuffed Top Hat the white rabbit in her carrier and told her they were headed for the adventure of a lifetime, no looking back. And truth be told, sometimes New York was lonely. But the other truth was he didn't miss Indiana at all. He loved New York, but he'd never regretted his move more than the day he came home to discover Top Hat not in her enclosure. He had to go door to door on the entire floor and maybe the floor above and below his. Everyone had to help find his missing long-eared, fluffy-tailed best friend. Cue everyone in Bucky's apartment complex searching the entire building for one white rabbit trying to pull her own disappearing act. And cue Bucky searching for a rabbit, but finding maybe a little more along the way.

You pull hope from defeat in the night - suggested by @somesortofitalianroast

@steverogersnotebook - After a terrible loss on a mission, Bucky and [strained relationship/preferred pairing] are nearly wiped out themselves. One has to get out and get help for the other before it's too late for them too. In dragging the injured party to safety, promises made in supplication reignite hope for a resolution.

@somesortofitalianroast - (pre-serum!steve/Winter Soldier!Bucky) After exhausting missions, there’s nothing Steve likes better than hooking up with a guy at a bar, preferably one who would believe him when he said he wouldn’t break. Tonight, he chose the guy carefully, a big, beefy brunet with thighs for days and something about him that made him look gentle. One night turned into another. And another. And another…. Who said hookups couldn’t lead to love?

@bookdragon13 - Just when Bucky was feeling his lowest, walking around Brooklyn at night, he hears a faint meowing. Bucky finds the white kitten and takes it to the local vet. Afterwards, he couldn’t just leave the white fur ball behind, adopting her and giving her the name Alpine. With Alpine around, Bucky couldn’t help but start feeling like he could climb out of the hole he’d dug himself in. He can’t help but laugh at Alpine’s antics and when he’s having a bad day, she cuddles with Bucky as he rubs his fingers through her fur

@liquidlightz - Bucky had written off more cheques than his body could cash, yet again.  Losing badly at poker and getting beaten down for failing to pay up.  This night was turning out better than the last, as he found himself in the hands of a gorgeous Doctor with gentle hands who seemed to enjoy his attempts at flirting through bloodied teeth.  Things might be looking up, he was going to go all in and take another chance tonight.

@wolfarrowepz - (Winterhawk, hockey AU)The Avengers were eliminated in the second round of the playoffs.... less than a third of the team had been with them when they won the championship 3 years ago. Now all Bucky wants to do is go home and sulk and ice his knee in peace. Clint has decided he needs to come to dinner with the team to show all the rookies and new guys to show them that losing isn't the end of the world. Fuck it all if Bucky will do whatever Clint asks. Bucky he liked him since they joined the team together as rookies. Clint is 100% oblivious to every move Bucky makes but if Clint asks him to do something he will. Clint on the other hand is convinced Bucky isn't into him. Cue pining and the inevitable "of course I Like you, you dope!" moment.

With Steel and Silver Burning Heart - suggested by @ibelieveinturtles

@steverogersnotebook - Dragon trainer AU, Steve goes to slay the dragon, Bucky's the dragon trainer. They meet, they clash, they enemies to friends to lovers.

@phoenixgryphon - big beefy bucky the blacksmith.  who builds broadswords to bring in the bills

@somesortofitalianroast - (Regency!AU) James Barnes was well aware that he was the Marquis of Buchannan in name only. With no money left in the estates coiffers and three younger sisters - the oldest a mere year before her official debut - to support, he was desperate. Desperate enough to approach the new Duke of Brooklyn - a known rake with a history of getting in duels - with an offer: he supplies the cash for Rebecca’s debutante and in return, he gets James. But what happens when the purely financial relationship is no longer purely financial?

@liquidlightz - Bucky was not amused when the blade pierced his heart.  Fuck, that hurt! "You asshole", he berated his not-looking-so-hot-now date on the other end of that dagger, "I thought we were having a good time." Bucky had to thank his lucky stars, and not his wits, that this hunter was a moron and that blade was cheap metal and not silver.  He should, maybe, start being a little more discerning in his hookups.

@bookdragon13 - As a Knight of the Realm, Bucky was sworn to protect the royal family. He didn’t mean to fall in love with the Princess in the process. Neither did Bucky realize he was a jealous man, until he saw another knight, Brock, try to kiss the Princess, with her unwilling. Bucky immediately called Brock out, challenging him to a duel. When Brock was wounded, Bucky threatened that if Brock tried anything with Her Royal Highness again, he wouldn’t be so lenient.

[rubik-ashala]

Let Alucard have nice things!

This doubles as both a headcanon description and a rant so here goes:

I just got done watching the 3rd season of Castlevania and I am not happy. I have two things two say about it. This contains spoilers for the series so you have been warned.

First complaint and observation:

Did anybody get the feeling that the show was supposed to end after the second season but didn't? That everything was wrapped up nicely, Dracula was dead, the big world destruction war was halted, we were shown what the trio would be doing after everything etc. Like it was meant to end there but then a conversation like this happened:

Castlevania team: And that’s a wrap everybody! The good guys took down Dracula in an epic fight, the world was saved, Job Done! Time to move on to new things.

Shareholders, producers, etc: Uhh, actually we already signed you up for a 3rd season. So you might want to get on that.

Castlevania Team: What! But we weren't prepared for a third season! The whole plot is wrapped up! What are we supposed to do?

Shareholders, producers, etc: Don’t know but you better get to figuring it out.

Castlevania: I guess we will just game of thrones it terribly then and hope we make it through.

Because that is what it felt like happened. There seemed to be no overarching plot, just four separate ones and only two of them is even remotely together. They take two side characters Issac and Hector and give them there own plotlines. Issac gets the Denarius treatment for no real reason other than to seemingly follow in Dracula’s footsteps and Hector gets dragged to Camilla’s realm because, she needs a forge master to grow an army so she can take over what has been fractured. They split up the trio, suddenly giving Serphia and Trevor a romantic relationship with little to nothing building up to it and throw them in a quest to keep Dracula from coming back after some crazy monks due some occult doctor who style shenanigans to open a portal to other worlds. And while that is going on, Alucard aka Adrian Tepes gets left alone guarding his fathers now broken castle and the Belmont’s treasure trove for months after everything has happened.

Which flows into my Second point:

Alucard got done dirty in the third season!

We watch as Alucard deals with the mental repercussions of what he did, alone. We watch as he deals with the loneliness of being out in the middle of nowhere alone for months with none to talk too. And we see the toll it is taking on him albeit comedically. 

Then the siblings come in. 

They come to him for help and education on fighting vampires back in their homeland, something that Alucard is more than happy to help with. One, because he has company again and Two, passing on the knowledge to the new generation seemed fitting.

During the time they stay he grows fond of them and they him. You see them training and horsing around, eating meals together and other wholesome shenanigans.

You get to see a conversation where the sibling talk about how they notice how lonely he has been and how they believe he stays out here to punish himself and maybe they should do something for him before they move on. And it’s all like “aww that is so sweet!”

Then you see Alucard trying to sleep and failing miserably in his bed. Even so far as wondering if he should get a coffin to sleep in. Then you see the siblings show up in the door way and begin walking towards him in the bed saying , in a very sultry voice, how alone he must have been, how he should deserve a reward, ectera. Followed by them getting all hot and steamy with him.

 The scene makes a point to show how much Alucard is enjoying this attention, and how happy it is making him. Your watching it and it’s like “Maybe it's gonna be one of those fond memories he will be able to look back on after their gone.” or “Maybe they will become some Badass monster hunting thruple and Alucard wont be alone anymore.”

Nope! Not today in my Grim Dark Gothic Fantasy World!

They instead, after giving Alucard the night of his life, put these metal cuffs on him that shoot out a bunch of ropes that tie him in classic Jesus on a cross position and then proceed to try and kill him. 

Why?

Because the were under the belief he was lying and holding things back from them, and in particular about the castle not being able to move. And they were tired of being lied to.

Luckily for Alucard they didn't realize his sword could move on its own and they weren’t alive for much longer because of it but...Really?

Why? Why do this to him?

He lost his mother to a witch hunt, he had to kill his own father and now this? All in little over a year? What the Hell man!?

Let the Dhampire have nice things! He deserves better than this!

So, I made a headcannon to soothe me angry brain.

I took a fantasy race of mine that was inspired by the Crusnics of Trinity Blood and added them in to Castlevania. In Particular one specific one.

Name: Floki 

Age: Around Adrian’s age give or take a few months.

Hair: Black

Eyes: Mismatched blue/green

Height: About the same as Adrien’s perhaps a little taller.

Personality: Mischevious, HArdworking, Loves deeply, Fiercly but wisely protective, loves to work with his hands, loves to learn more about the world and how it works. Deeply fond of Adrian even though he hasn’t seen him in a few years. Also, a smidge psychotic, but just a smidge.

Floki is part of a race of beings referred to as “The Old Ones”. They are a race similar in habit to the Vampire but they feed off vampires, night creatures and other supernatural beings over humans. They are immensely powerful, even at young ages and have been rumored to be the source of some of the gods of Ancient Mythology. 

Floki’s father (Yet named)  was Dracula’s mentor and where he got much of his scientific knowledge from in his early years. They became friends during his teaching and even after parting ways, would still occasionally see each other every few half centuries or so to trade information and chat.

During this time, Floki’s father was desperately trying to have children of his own and failing. At one point believing that he was sterile and unable to father children. Something Dracula knew as well and so hid Lisa’s pregnancy from him for fear of making his sadness worse.

However, a few months later, It was revealed that his current love was with child and Floki was born accompanied by much drunken Norse revelry.

When the two men met again a few years later, Floki was brought with his father to show to Dracula that he finally had a child. A moment where Dracula also revealed his son and Where Floki met Adrian.

Floki showed Adrian what it was like to play and horse around. They would play pretend out in the woods, get dirty, skin thier knees, the works. And where one was, you would find the other close by.

The visits between the two powerful men became more frequent due to the boys wish to see each other, not that the parents minded all that much.

Over time Floki’s affection for Adrian would change and deepen. His longing to stay by his friends side would get stronger and one fateful afternoon when Adrian got hurt, FLoki would realize how he had fallen in love with him.

Adrian would never know this however, due to Floki’s unstable powers at the time, his sub par control of his hunger and the fear of hurting him.

As they got older, and partly to the above, their visits to see each other would lessen and by the time they were full grown, had stopped entirely. 

That is until Floki Heard of Lisa’s death at the hands of the church.

Even with his incredible power to teleport far distances it took him several months to reach Wallachia. He didn’t seek out Adrian immediately though, too curious to see the truth of what happened.

Each of “The Old Ones” Has a unique skill that is developed and evolved over time, according to personality, interest, skill and homeland. Due to Floki’s curiosity, his love for history and his desire to see how it all works together, he developed what he liked to call, memory recall.

His skill allowed him to see memories of the past through people, objects or locations where something that evoked strong emotional or magical reactions in the area happened. And if there was no such thing, if the event was more recent, if he had access to people that were there and stood on the location, he could see and feel the event as if he lived it.

Lisa’s death held him up in an inn for several days trying to chase the feeling of flames on  his skin. Dracula’s anger and grief laid him up for even longer as he cried himself sick. 

Gregit was better though, seeing the man who did the deed getting called out by a demon and then eaten gave him a bit of satisfaction.

Briela was fascinating though. He had to meet whomever managed to capture the ever moving castle.

By the Time Floki would arrive at the now defunk castle and underground hold, the siblings bodies are already outside on pikes.

This doesn't scare him away of course, and to find out why they were there he uses his memory recall. Where he sees through there eyes what they did to Adrian, albeit a little fuzzy. But is able to hear what the twins were thinking in that moment and see, just for a short time, Adrian tied to the bed afraid and hurt.

This causes him to snap his fingers and cause the corpses to burst into flames.

An action that draws Adrian’s attention causing a little bit of a fight before they recognize each other.

Over the next while Adrian allows Floki to stay and fix the castle as well as the Belmont estate and work towards getting the transportation engine online again. Eventually. 

Overtime, all of Floki’s feelings come back with a vengeance and he gives as much attention and TLC to Adrian as he allows. Eventually getting Adrian to allow him close enough to see though his memory what the siblings had done to him

A scene that will either start a few revelations with both Adrian and FLoki or lead to a very steamy situation. Possibly both.

But it all ends in Adrian getting all the Love and TLC that man deserves after the hell he was put through.

I just hope they aren’t trying to set him up to become an antagonist later... 

[enchantednightingales]

RJC’s review of: A Number

I’d like to start by apologising for the continued use of the almost-pun “A Number” but in my defence... Caryl Churchill started it.

There are A Number of things one can look forward to in Polly Findlay’s production of “A Number” at The Bridge theatre and just three of them are Colin Morgan. Fangirls can delight that Colin’s stealth stage door exit skills have FINALLY been put to their stunning first use on stage. Colin plays three different characters with about six to eight costume changes in the space of an hour. He disappears and reappears completely anew and it is magnificently seamless.

When I first read the play I had A Number of concerns. Maybe I’m an old fashioned kind of gal but I prefer sentences to begin AND end. I’m greedy like that. I found the play far too difficult a read and I was somewhat apprehensive about the production. Fortunately, I see the text benefits from performance as Roger Allam and Colin Morgan breathe something reminiscent of natural into those lines. I tip my imaginary hat to them as well, remembering that stuff must be tricky, the majority of these lines don’t follow a natural structure and tripping on the lines would weaken the effect. 

I am not completely sold on this effect to be honest. It cries device to me and distances this tale from pertinence.  “She was one of those people, when they say there has been a person under a train” is a good example. WHO EVER says that? Ever? Nobody. I’m a great lover of words but apparently I don’t like them in this particular order. I never was one for the abstract. Be prepared for a little abstract.

Colin’s nasal and fumbling B2 makes a lot more sense in person than I could have ever anticipated when reading. A Number is obviously not quite my cup of tea shall we say but it is becoming an increasingly tolerable piece thanks to the efforts of this production. It’s an intriguing story. A failed father seeks a fresh start, sends his son into care but not before cloning him, as “tribute”. Written just as cloning became a legitimate thing it’s pushing at big relevant buttons but for my money it’s a paper thin approach. It’s definitely a conversation piece though, a trigger of questions, forcing you to think and figure the thing out. If you can be bothered to meet it half way and you kinda have to.

A Number is another “sins of the fathers” type narrative in which Salter, the father, cannot break the cycle of his own ineptitude and selfishness. A price his sons inevitably will have to pay. I won’t give that price away but it makes for a sad little story. Some emphasis on little. When it could have been bigger (that’s what she said). 

A Number hits a number of notes in its short duration. It’s kinda funny, it’s even kinda cute (maybe that’s just Colin), it’s kinda sad, kinda creepy, kinda cruel and ultimately super dark.

Roger Allam and Colin Morgan pull out of the bag a rather lovely and truly unforgettable chemistry as father and sons. I’m not quite used to seeing Allam as the “little man”. His appearance is entirely ordinary and as a character he’s far from powerful or noble. For a man usually possessed of scene stealing charisma, Allam fearlessly relished in the grim and pitiful. He’s squirming from the beginning to the end. Trying to contain the anger of his first son, trying to contain the disappointment of his second son and in the final act, trying to salvage some scrap of meaning or importance from one beautifully blasé last (of 19) hopes. Allam’s physicality when B1 is on stage is intriguing to watch as he screams fear and seeks distance. His tone when B2 is on stage almost convinces you of wholesomeness and genuine love. Salter is quite an understated journey but enjoy as Allam hits every single note of it in true masterclass fashion.

One could marvel for A Number of hours about how amazing the stage is for this production. The first night, when the room completely changed angle, my eyes widened like a kid in a Colin Morgan-themed Candy store! WOW. It messed with my mind so much that I was second guessing everything. What they can do nowadays is awesome. I still don’t quite get how it all works and where exactly Colin escapes to in-between but... that’s the magic of theatre for you. 

I’m also a big fan of the 90s kinda feel. The stack tables, the CD tower, the TV stand, the landline phone! It’s soooooo 90s I keep expecting to hear Hanson’s MMM Bop playing upstairs or something. I feel like I’m a teenager again, at my friends’ house and it’s all kicking off between her hot older brother and his step-dad again. Flashbacks.... 

My only criticism with the whole set change thing is the decision to blast some crazy sounds at you for their duration. It’s like watching a crappy horror movie with jump scares that don’t lead anywhere. It’s not particularly satisfying and ones patience for it tends to wear thin. Especially when everyone around you likes to gasp and yelp every time it happens. Personally, not sure why nobody just took my advice of playing Bjork’s “Army of Me” in-between the set changes. I’ve only got an entire playlist of suggestions but whatever. You know better. I suppose it might wake the odd theatre sleeper.

Can I talk about Colin Morgan now? 

I feel like A Number is a bit of a showcase of everything Colin can do (and do better than anyone else). He’s got the skills for comedy, for brutality, for tears and not to mention his signature LIMITLESS energy. As his self-elected number one fangirl I will quite happily sit there and bask in the pride as he totally nails this whole thing.

Colin’s three characters are all quite different. One might easier refer to them as Benjamin, Leo and... well... Michael. B2 is adorable in his almost whiney tone and sounds possibly too much like Yasmin in “Worldship Humility” accent (for my liking). I keep expecting him to start calling people goat fucking somethings but so far he’s not done it. His twitchy, stiff awkwardness is reminiscent of Benjamin but that’s about it.

B1 isn’t exactly Leo-like, he’s far too efficient for that, he just STRANGELY ENOUGH looks A LOT like him. The hoodie and denim don’t help. He’s got that similar breaking point type edge to him. B1 sounds as serious as he is and for the first time ever, Colin is somewhat unsettling, I don’t blame Roger for keeping his distance. He’s a tad nasty and Colin goes there. Customarily though Colin helps us to “see it human” with a tear or two. As poor B1 just sits there stewing in his own anger, hatred and confusion, lost to a father and lost to himself. It’s a sad tale and Colin sure won’t let you miss the point.

B1 is part of my favourite exchange which involves Salter demonstrating his worst colours when he justifies his actions by claiming B1 was something to be crushed. Representative of the lacking thought and care that can go into the creation of life that is ultimately one of mankind’s most devastating flaws. B2 speaks of being cloned from a speck and says “you threw the rest of me away”. Colin slays me with that line. I am dead now. He killed me. Here I must afford A Number with the compliment that it is effectively unsettling and unpleasant, which is, what I think it was going for. I hope.

Can I talk about Michael now? 

He’s so adorable. Can I just point out SPOILER that Michael is Irish! Even Irish clones are better! Unlike in All My Sons, Colin catches a break and can conclude this show on a happier note, he’s a happy man attune to and accepting of similarities to the likes of apes and lettuces. He’s a purple shirt of sex wearing Maths teacher twenty years away from Netflix and Chill with his pointy eared wife (possibly called Rebecca in my head) and he’s at ease with life, fatherhood and clone-being. I love Michael. When he’s on stage “you can’t help feeling wonderful”.

Dean (Gloria) has a cheerful contender for my heart. Who saw that coming?

After that ridiculous wait we all had to endure while Colin was being all lazy and stuff we finally get some Colin vs Bad Dad on stage again!

PS. Did I mention that Michael is lovely? 

[pamphletstoinspire]

 Learn to Preserve Inner Peace

Sometimes you might fall into some sin or negligence in word or deed, such as disturbing yourself at anything which happens to you, or murmuring, or listening to murmuring, or falling into some dispute, irritation, curiosity, or suspicion of others, or into any other fault, whether it be one or many falls.

In such cases, you ought not to be disturbed or disheartened or saddened at the thought of what has happened, nor be confounded within yourself, at one time, believing that you will never be free from such infirmities, at another, that your faults and irresolution are the cause of them, or again, imagining that you are not walking in the spirit and way of the Lord, with a thousand other fears, pressing down your soul at every step with discontent and cowardice.

Otherwise you would feel ashamed to present yourself before God, or you would do so in a spirit of distrust, as though you had not preserved that faith in Him which is His due. And as a remedy, you would waste time in pondering over these things, scrutinizing how much you harbored the thought and whether you consented to it, whether it was voluntary or was at once put away. And, from taking the wrong road, the more you think of it, the less you are able to make up your mind about it, and the more your weariness, perplexity, and anxiety to confess it increase.

And so you go to Confession with a tedious fear, and, after having lost much time in making your confession, your spirit is even more uneasy than it was before it, for fear that you have not told all. Thus your life is one spent in bitterness and anxiety, with little fruit, and with the loss in a great measure of its reward.

All this comes from not knowing your own natural weakness and the way the soul should bear itself toward God. For after having fallen into all the faults we have enumerated, or into any others, we may more easily approach God by a humble and loving conversion, than by the spirit of grief and discontent at the fault itself, in the case of the examination of venial and ordinary sins, to which alone I now allude. For it is only into such sins as these that a soul that lives in the manner I am now supposing is wont to fall. And I am speaking only of those persons who lead a spiritual life and are striving to ad­vance in it, and are free from mortal sin. For those who live carelessly and in mortal sin, and are always more or less of­fending God, have need of a different kind of exhortation; and this medicine is not for them. Such persons should be troubled and ought to weep and to make their examination and confession with much thought, lest, through their own fault and indifference, they render the remedy that is necessary for their salvation unavailing.

To return, then, to speak of the quiet and peace in which the servant of God should ever abide, I will go further and say that this conversion must be understood to apply — in order that there might be entire trust in God — not only to slight and daily faults, but also to such as are greater and more grave than usual, if at any time the Lord should permit you to fall into such; even though they may be many together, and are not merely the effects of weakness and frailty, but of willfulness. For the contrition that only disturbed the soul and filled it with scruples will never lead it to perfection, unless it is combined with this loving confidence in the goodness and mercy of God.

And this is especially necessary in the case of persons who not only seek to rise out of their miseries, but would also ac­quire a high degree of sanctity and a great love for and union with God.

Many spiritual persons, from not wishing to understand this aright, ever bear about with them a heart and a spirit bro­ken and distrustful, which hinders their spiritual progress and capacity for the higher graces, which one after another God has prepared for them. These often lead a sort of life that is very wretched, useless, and pitiable, because they will follow only their own imaginations and will not embrace the true and wholesome doctrine that leads by the royal road to the high and solid virtues of the Christian life and to that peace which was left us by Christ Himself.

Such persons, whenever they find themselves in some dis­quietude through doubts of conscience, should seek the coun­sel of their spiritual father or of someone whom they think capable of giving them the advice they need, and should com­mit themselves to him and rest entirely in his judgment.

Learn to recover your soul’s calmness

Take this rule, whenever you fall into a fault, be it great or small, even though you may have committed the same four thousand times in a day, and always voluntarily and with ad­vertency: never allow yourself to fall into a state of morose bit­terness, and do not be disquieted, nor waste your time by scrutinizing yourself. But at once acknowledge what you have done, and, humbly regarding your own weakness, turn lov­ingly to your God, and say to Him with your lips, or with your mind only, “Lord, I have done this, being what I am, and noth­ing else could be expected from me, save only these and simi­lar faults, and I would not have stopped where I did, had not Thy goodness lifted me up and continued with me. I give Thee thanks for that from which Thou hast preserved me, and I grieve over that which I have done through not corresponding with Thy grace. Pardon me, and give me grace that I may never offend Thee anymore, and may nothing ever separate me from Thee, whom I desire ever to serve and to obey.”

Having done this, do not waste time in anxious thoughts, imagining that the Lord has not forgiven you. But, in a spirit of faith and repose, continue your exercises, as if you had not fallen at all.

And this you must do, not only once, but a hundred times, if it is needed, and at every moment, and with the same confi­dence and repose the last time as the first. For in this way, you will do great honor to the goodness of God, whom you are bound to conceive of as all-gracious and infinite in compas­sion beyond all that you can imagine.

Thus, nothing will come to disturb your progress, your per­severance, and your onward course; nor will you let time pass away vainly and fruitlessly. Moreover, you may, by thus acting, even turn your sin and failing to account, rising from it with an intense act of acknowledgment of your misery and of self-abasement before God; accompanying it with an act of ac­knowledgment of His mercy — loving and exalting it. And this very fall will enable you to rise higher than you were be­fore you fell, through the help that God gives you, provided you make good use of it.

If those who are of an anxious and restless temperament would give heed to what has been here said, they would dis­cover how great is their blindness in thus losing time, to their own great hurt. And this warning should be carefully noted, for it is one of the keys that the soul has for unlocking great spiritual treasures, and thereby for becoming rich in a short time.

BY: LORENZO SCUPOLI

From: https://www.pamphletstoinspire.com/

[bi-bobbysoxxers]

Heyy y'all! I was tagged by @meiyanaalexia Thanks for the tag, fam!

Rules: List ten of your fave female characters from your ten fave fandoms and then tag 10 other ppl!

This list is by no means comprehensive or a ranked list, as i think all my fave characters are equally bad betches, in their own right xD alright let's get to it!

-Tamari and Lady Tsunade (Naruto/Naruto Shippuden)

Tamari's one of the more cool, levelheaded female side characters in naruto and idk, she's very much Gaara and Kankuro's rock, and idk, i like that. I view her as a very strong female character, and i think she carries a lot of badass masculine energy. Plus she's a badass fighter as well. (((And she's hot but that's beside the point lol))) I like Lady Tsunade a lot, but i admit, i wasnt a fan of her at first. But now that I'm seeing her character unfold in Shippuden, I like her a lot. I like the concept that she's kiind of a grouchy, reluctant leader of the leaf village, cause that makes her seem like a very reliable leader, in a way. I think she's hella underrated as a strong character, tbh. Plus i like that she's a healing ninja, cause it seems so opposite to her outward personality. The more i watch naruto the more i'm really liking more of their female characters, tbh.

Quotes!

Tamari: "Sharpen your karma at sunset."

Tsunade: "People become stronger because they have things they cannot forget. That's what you call growth."

-Lucy and Kiyoko (Bungou Stray Dogs)

oh wow, uh, not gonna lie, i really like this anime more for most of the male characters, but Lucy and Kiyoko have alswas been in my faves list. I didnt really understand Lucy's character in season one but as the plot thickens, so does her issues with wanting to morally become a better person, but still being fairly new to learning to become selfless. I think a lot of people can relate to her because she can be fairly emotionally erratic, and she struggles with the whole "forgiveness thing." But later on you see that all she really wanted was a true family and friends that value her. And i think that's something we all want, deep down. Also, her powers are highly unnderrated and badass and i love how she is slowly becoming a protector for ppl like Atsushi, which really shows her growth as a character.

I also put Kiyoko on this list because i think she is equally as good of a female character as Lucy is, but for dif reasons. I loveeee the whole concept of "initially bad" characters soon wanting to become good. There's a simplicity in her character that i think models Atsushi's in a way, i mean they're both damaged, but both yearn to do good and make a comeback with the chances they've been given in life. If Lucy was a Tarot Card she would be the Fool. I also love how steadfast she is in her newfound family and how much she believes in everyone in the ADA now. It's very wholesome and pure :3 also i love her and Atsushi's relationship, it kinda reminds me of me and my BFF's ride or die relationship, lol.

Lucy: "Make sure you survive...Then come back for me. I'll be waiting."

Kiyoko: "I saw a bright world. I cannot go back to a time when I didn't know such a thing existed."

-Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)

Ugh, there's so many things about this character that I have always loved and adored. Her character design, her quiet whimsical weirdness. Her determined loyalty to the people that accept her. Her lovely simple wisdom, at times. Like Harry said, Luna is just "...coooll." She kinda reminds me of me when I was a teenager but way cooler lol.

Luna: "My mum always said things we lose have a way of coming back to us, in the end."

-Lara Croft (Tomb Raider movies and videogames)

Laura is....a simple character by design. If anything, the plotlines and video game design of the Tomb Raider franchise are way more intricate. And yeah...there's her misogynistic character design (Note: the impossibly snatched waist and bOoBiEs in earlier games.)

BUT. I still stan her for a multitude of reasons. Growing up, there were may more princess characters than female warrior characters and ya know, I'm really glad I was exposed to Lara Croft movies and the Tomb Raider: Legend video games as a kid. I think Laura taught me that you can definitely embrace your feminine side and still be a badass and follow your dreams. Even now, after me finally figuring out i'm not cis, i know, that she's still an icon for most kids out there. And for me too. She was a symbol of bravery, intelligence, as well as still being a character of emotional depth, grieving the loss of her parents while vowing to continue to do what she loved, which is exploring. Cultural and moral problems with her character aside, i still find both her and her stories very inspirational, both as a bigender queer person, and as a designer.

Laura Quotes: "The line between our myths and truth is fragile and blurry."

"The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are."

-Scorpia (She-Ra)

Oh wow, i could go on for days about how much i love thus character. If you're queer or fun in any capacity you've probably watched the final season fo She-Ra by now and spoilers aside, i just love the journey this character went on from start to finish. Scorpia is so genuine and nice, and sometimes that puts her in situations where she has to make hard decisions. And idk, those decisions just made that character so much better for me. On a lighter note, Scorpia is great queer rep, especially for butch lesbians, lesbians, trans ppl, androg ppl, and gender nonconforming ppl. She's always said things that have resonated with me as a queer person and aside from that, she's a very excitable and fun character. She just excudes so much curiosity and joy that you really can't help but like her, lol.

Scorpia: "I am brave, strong, loyal, and i give great hugs!"

-Sypha (Castlevania)

Altho I personally don't view Sypha as a cis woman, (I see her as nonbinary or agender), I think the way characters treat her in the show is indicative that in that period, they view her as a woman. So i figured I could put her on this list as well lol. Anyways, uhhh wow, Sypha is great, there's so much I love about her that it's hard to put into words. I love that she regards herself as a "scholar" of magic, but still views herself as a heretic, I just find it pretty funny and very sexy of her lol. Aside from that, I think Sypha is a great character who always seeks out logic where there usually ends up being none. I love her cheeky remarks to both Alucard and Trevor, and I love her can-do attitude. At the end of the day, she's one of those characters you love just for her great energy she carries for herself within the show. There's really no rhyme or reason to her, she just, is. She subverts many female mage character tropes as well, being a natural badass. Also her god jokes are so damn funny.

Sypha: "See?? God hates me!?

-Aunt Sarah (Derry Girls)

Okay first of all, if you havent seen Derry girls, pleaseeee watch it, holy shit it's the funniest show i've seen in a longass time. Second of all, my friend and I are still going thru the show, but Ajnt Sarah has started to become one of my favorite characters. She's one of those very aloof characters that you kinda ignore at first but then her character just has these amazing one liners and she really grows on you. Also she is very caring about her family and she's cute as hell???? I'm sorry but like her aesthetic is just on fuckin point, like??? Go off babe?? Anyways yeah she's cute.

No quotes for her since that might ruin some of the better punchlines if you end up watching the show lol.

-Marga (Cable Girls)

Yeah, if you want a really good 1920's drama that focuses on women, go give Cable Girls a try! It is very poetic in its direction lol. Anyways, Marga is one of the "new girls" at the beginning of the show and she is just, so earnest, and genuine, and pure. And I love her. She's very nice to the other girls working and she's got some great one liners. She's that timid, cute character that slowy comes out of her shell throughout the show lol.

-Kiki and Sheeta (Studio Ghibli)

I loveee Studio Ghibli films, and one of my two fave films of Miyazaki are Kiki's Delivery Service and my ultimate fave, Castle in the Sky. I adore Kiki as a character because she is your quintessential cute witch, and her journey with finding and grasping her full powers are very relevant to me, and my journey with upholding my creativity as a designer. As well as being a great movie with a great lessom for all artists, Kiki is a very passionate and genuine character, who's resilency has inspired me in hard times. I love her relationship that she has with other ppl as nd creatures, especially with her cat Gigi. She's cute, i love her lots.

Sheeta, I love for different reasons. Sheeta is one of those rare instances where a quiet protagonist, really works. I love her calm and humble, yet powerful energy surrounding her. I love her background, and how there has always beem magic inside of her, even if she's not a practicing witch. She is so very humble and a very introspective character. There's not a lot of female protagonists quite like her. Plus she's adorable as well, lol.

-Aunt Hilda, Zelda, Prudence, and Lilith (CHAOS)

I'm not gonna get into super specifics since i love all these characters equally, but I will say that all these characters absolutely MADE this series for me. I personally found Sabrina's character very annoying and slightly egotistical (i mean she's allowed to be i suppose,lol) but these characters were just so much fun!

I love Aunt Hilda for her soft personality and great revenge comebacks. I love Prudence for her aesthetic, character design, and amazing characrer development throughout the series. I love Lilith, for being both a BAMF and. MILF, lolz. And finally, i absolutely adore Zelda's character, for being so poised, calculating, blunt, and yet so very badass and loveable xD I love everything about her character, tbh.

There's so many good quotes from each character, so just watch the show, lol.

Andddd i think that's it! Sorry this was super long, I wanted to state my reasoms for why these characters were on the list, lol. Hope you liked some of my character analysis, feel free to screech with me about shows anytime lol. I'd love more good show recs!

You def don't have to go as hard as I did on this but I tag:

@heathen-beast @iquotetheravennevermore @sweet-communist @gardiewithyou @sawayakakuns @shortlady72 @thatonegirluniverse @thatlowkeyhipster @letting-and-living @beauxxxtifullies @catastrafey

Anyone else can participate if they feel like it! Have fun lol. Let's love our great women characters lol.

[buzzworddotie]

A little (not quite) Anxiety Ramble

Do something! Do SOMETHING! Don’t stop doing something!

Welcome to 2020.

It won’t stop, my brain will not shut off. We’ve been in lockdown for… to be honest off the top of my head I can’t even get dates right but I’ve been in isolation mode, working from home for about 4 weeks now maybe?

On week 2, I became more lethargic than I ever have in my life, I withdrew from any contact with other people, my brain was in a fog, I couldn’t focus. My muscles were tired and refusing to function and my energy was entirely zapped.

I managed to pull myself out of that by attempting to not guilt myself for eating that bowl of carb loaded cereal or allowing myself to rationalise that it’s OK to just watch a movie.

But here I find myself in that cloudy little place again. My anxiety is in such a way that my brain refuses to shut down and my motivation is becoming a precious commodity that I’m unsure of how exactly to keep it in a steady flow.

When the anxiety kicks in like this for me, I stress and worry about every and any thing. Things entirely out of my control, other people, how I am perceived, why I am not now or have ever been good enough for anything or anyone. 

My rational brain packs its bags and heads for the door as I stare in the mirror and hate everything I see looking back. My doubts, my insecurities, my shame - every dark little voice that can be mustered up gets louder and louder.

And so I overthink every action I make, I try too hard to impress a version of myself on people. I try too hard to force anyone who might give a shit that I am in fact OK! And you know there’s nothing saner than someone screaming “I’M OK!!” directly into another person's face manically.

Sleeping is the worst, or in my case not sleeping. It doesn’t matter how tired I may or may not be, I can be assured that as soon as I lay my head down that anxiety demon comes alive.

I cannot remember the last time I slept for a solid 7 - 8 hours. I can recall what it feels like to be at complete odds and ends at 4am because it’s happening every goddamn night!

Is this a symptom of what is happening in the world right now or is it just an exemplification of how screwed up I might actually be? These are the beautiful thoughts which haunt my brain in between scrolling through Twitter or Reddit, telling myself to not scroll through Twitter or Reddit and then, you know, casually reminding myself that I will never be good enough for whatever the fuck I think I should be good enough for!

I’ve always been a bit of an introverted extrovert, or am I an extroverted introvert? I’m not sure, the point is I’ve never had a problem being a bit “isolated”. I’m quite happy in my own company and just pondering about, in my own little world doing whatever silly things I decide to do with myself. However, that world of mine was always interrupted with everyday interactions - people I work with, the ability to visit someone and general activities which we just take for granted.

I’m starting to even question if I am as introverted as I liked to think I was at all! I told myself that being locked down wasn’t a big deal for me, not a massive shift in my life. I’m single, I live alone… Just a real wholesome and healthy picture there! “I’m OK!!!”

First World Problems.

One thing about me I’ve known since childhood is that I love my independence. I was told by my parents growing up I was the most independent of all my siblings. There is a sense of freedom that comes with independence and I think losing that is throwing me for a bit of a loop.

The freedom and independence to just make a decision to do something in the moment and being able to just do it. Even the smallest, stupidest of things like going for a browse in a shop. Such a boring and mundane activity but an activity that clearly ticked some kind of box for my mind.

Of course, I am wary of banging on about this word “freedom” but allow me to state, I do not mean freedom with the gusto of some hardcore, right wing, gun toting Murican (Or the Irish lady, she whom shall not be named… We all know).

No, I’m not trying to suggest my first world concept of freedom is being threatened on some conspiracy level, I accept the merit in the fact that for a period of time we have to do what’s best for the greater good. But jaysus, it’s not easy at times is it?

Without the fundamental freedoms which I take for granted as everyday life it’s as if my brain is being withheld vital nutrients for it to operate full steam ahead. Don’t get me wrong, this anxiety trip isn’t a new phenomenon for me, I know the bitch well, but I had such a great grip on things and I think the hardest part for a minute there was trying to figure out how I was allowing it all to spiral so ferociously when I know I have the tools to not do that.

It also bothers me because I am, by nature, incredibly laid back and positive. I flip between Energizer Bunny, Everything is Awesome and easily passing for a hippie stoner on my good days. So seeing myself behave erratically at times now makes me not recognise or like the person I am having to live with during this lockdown! Her neediness and desire to please is very, very off putting to me.

But maybe I just need to let her be a little bit, maybe I just need to let her know that it is fine. It is fine if a momentary lapse in the mind causes a mini freak out which embodies itself as wanting to just shut down, it is fine if she does just go a bit OTT at times with people to overly compensate for how weak and low she is feeling. It’s fine.

It is fine. Once you recognise that that’s all it is, it does not lessen your worth to behave in a way you might later regret and it does not lessen your value if you allow your insecurities or vulnerabilities to sneak through every now and then. You just have to hope that whoever is lucky enough to get the brunt of your vulnerability can appreciate the value in getting a taste of it at all. Because that right there, that vulnerability, that is a precious thing which is not afforded to many, if any at all. 

It is the most beautiful aspect of humanity, to be vulnerable. And it is really fucking hard to let go of. Vulnerability takes an incredible amount of strength, it’s a feather that keeps on floating through regardless of how much dirt and debris gets attached to weigh it down. It is delicate and strong all at the same time. 

And for me, it is terrifying to let that wall down. It feels frightening to think for a moment I let someone see weakness or gave a hint that I, with all my positivity and strength and being there for other people, could have a moment of weakness. It cracks the veneer of who I want to pretend I am.

Meet my friend, Anxiety.

Anxiety has been an under current which has existed within me since my childhood but something I only recognised as I began to get older and, yes, get help. Speaking to a professional allowed me the opportunity to begin to understand myself and learn about myself, gain self awareness.

Where I am now compared to where I was back then are completely opposed. At its worst, I was consumed by my anxiety and all the other little niggly things which tortured my brain. It all manifested in self-hate usually, maybe hate is a strong word but certainly a really strong dislike of myself! I would allow that to spin in circles in my mind until I was lost in it and trying to fix a million and one things about myself and others which really, was all very surface or non-existent.

The difference today is that I can, at last, recognise it. I can see the signs, at times I am deep within them and it takes a step back to shake it off and see it but at least I can find it within myself to rationalise and take that step back.

It doesn’t make it easy, there is nothing easy about managing mental health in the same sense there is nothing easy about managing physical health. If I want that toned stomach I will have to feel the burn and it has to work the same for mental health too!

Jesus, it is not easy at times. I will always remember an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race in which the contestant Katya suffered severely from debilitating anxiety. During a walk through Ru asked the Queen if she was, in fact, addicted to the anxiety. This registered with Katya and as time has gone by and that interaction replays in my own mind, I realise it often registers for me too.

When it is all you know, you can easily become all consumed by the anxiety, the worry, the stress and you can get sucked right down into it. And you can find a level of comfort within that discomfort, it’s recognisable and it can feel easier to submit yourself to it than seek out the light and pull yourself back from it.

When I break it down I can see the various triggers for my anxiety:

Opening up and being vulnerable = Opening myself up for rejection.

Feeling like I cannot help = Opening myself up for failure.

Failure, rejection = Not good enough. 

Attempting to improve and increase my self worth is really something that I never understood was such an issue for me, mostly because the concept of “self worth” was never something that even showed up on my radar. But guess what? It’s a thing! 

Self love is not about having an over inflated and delirious ego, it is about recognising that you do have worth as a human being. Recognise yourself as a human being.

Oh god, she’s going to talk about her childhood...

So, why is it that I may not have always recognised myself as a human being, worthy of care and love? Well, I will refrain from the details that will cause my very being to quiver but I was raised in a home in which I received a lot of love, but it was unstable. Arguments, raised voices, depression and a lack of seeing love between my parents. A tumultuous family backstory which, while I was not in existence for much of it, carried a heavy cloud over all proceedings. I was in existence for difficult times with siblings and parents who butted heads constantly. 

I was a witness, I was shielded from being on the receiving end for the most part but I still stayed awake at night waiting for things to take a turn for the worse. I jumped at nothing and everything, like a scared little mouse. I was reserved and private with friends, I held the problems into myself and did not expose anyone to it. 

As well as this, I faced a level of mental, physical and, like so many other girls and women out there, sexual abuse. I won’t delve into all the details but it seems like some sick, twisted joke that once you are forced to be subjected to this as a child, you do not recognise the issue with it which leaves you vulnerable for it again as you mature into an adult and set off on your own.

This is because your self worth has been destroyed. So when you see ladies coming to the fore as part of #MeToo or another movement, or no movement at all, don’t be so quick to judge. These ladies have likely held their tongue because their self worth has been so low that until they became exposed to others discussing it they didn’t even realise what had happened to them.

I won’t dwell too long on that, I could spend a long time dissecting it but it isn’t for now.

I will note, neither of my parents were responsible for that abuse. However, what my beautiful, kind and lovely parents were responsible for was me and as much as it absolutely kills me to have to admit, there were failings. Aside from generally being exposed to an unhappy home, as a child I was used to bridge the gap. Something which ran into my adulthood.

If my father was angry, upset or, as I now reflect and realise, in a spiral of depression it was my responsibility to pick him out of it. From a young age, I was the fixer - a tool to try to make things better. 

Until I actually discussed this with a professional I never saw the problem here, everything was normalised to me, but apparently not great! It’s a lot of pressure to put on a child!

Add into that a complex / chip on my shoulder of never being as good as an older sibling, whom I perceived as the ‘golden child’, feeling like I had to keep things hurting me hidden for fear of disrupting an already disruptive home for which I felt responsible for keeping the peace or holding together and well, you get yourself a nice little stew that is a recipe for absolute fucked up adulthood!

Honest Reflection.

How could I ever expect to grow into a well developed individual? The balance of genuine love I did receive from my parents is what I believe kept me from falling down an even more desperate track, a track which I pondered along on many occasions. A dark road with flickering lights where the allure of escape was often far too real.

However, my internal commentary of having to be responsible for others actually kept me from ending it on many occasions as I could not release the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down.

Jesus, unpack this shit and it’s an absolute shit show! But I don’t claim to be special or unique, the sad reality is how many people went through a similar journey or worse and are now in their early to mid adulthood and attempting to get to grips with it all. And that’s only if they managed to find the tools and resources to recognise it in the first place.

Recognise that 1. You are not mental and 2. You are not a terrible human being. 

I can’t speak to anyone else but clearly I have lacked the tools to manage or cope with my emotions. Anything outside of my control freaks me out and I lose the absolute run of myself! I panic, I seek out approval and validation and often in unhealthy ways. I have had eating disorders which I have been in denial about, I have drank too much, gone off the rails and slept with far too many people! 

What now? What triggered my writing, which has evidently turned into an unintentional essay about myself (fair play if you’ve made it this far, you’re a better person than me).

I recognised irrational behaviour and a deep dip in my mood as well as an increase of self critical behaviours. That was when I began writing, this is now the future, or present, or wait, is this inception? I’ve incepted myself, just know as you read now a couple of days have passed.

And it took those couple of days for the lightbulb to click on but better late than never! 

Let there be Light!

I began writing this aimlessly as a means to just put my thoughts down and that was a step in the direction of realising I had to do something. I am now slowly picking myself back up from it all.

First step, I went to the chemist and I just asked what can you give me for anxiety, I am not sleeping, I have not had a proper night sleep in close to two weeks or more - I asked for…… Help!

Gulp, scary, try it sometime.

The Pharmacist gave me a product called “Avena Sativa” (check it out). I added 20-30 drops to a little bit of water and it immediately relaxed and eased my mind. I took more before bed and baby, when I say I slept! Pure, deep, joyful sleep - all the z’s.

But wait, there’s more! Thinking I might as well hit this from all angles, I also grabbed some Vitamin D supplements and began retaking my B-12. I don’t know if one or all of these things did the trick but I can certainly feel the easing effects.

So that’s the taking stuff, but that isn’t all I did - Oh no, that would be too short for me!

I knew I really needed to hit this hard if I wanted to pull myself out of the hole I could eventually be down deep within. I’m a fan of meditation, I get that some skeptical people might huff it off as new age hippie nonsense or whatever, but it can work. Youtube has a host of wonderful meditation videos and for me, switching off from the world and onto one of those helps me massively. 

Additionally, I stopped hanging out of my phone, for the best part at least. I have a bit of anxiety with my phone (of course I do). I went through a period of time where my phone was a bearer of bad news, any phone call could have been bad news and eventually, it was. I realised I find it hard to let go of that, the idea that if I do not have my phone on me and with sound on 24/7 I risk not getting an important piece of news, I risk letting someone down or not being there as I should be.

Should = dangerous word. Don’t let ‘should’ govern your life or mind. Every ‘should’ is an expectation and additional level of stress you are putting on yourself. Best advice I received was to replace ‘I should’ with ‘I want to’ and see what the end result becomes.

Let’s wrap this up.

All in all, this is a time that can lead those susceptible to anxiety, and even those who are not typically, to find themselves in the mental trenches. It’s imperative to look at yourself from the outside and attempt to recognise what might be the deep rooted cause of what is effing you up. Do you really hate your body right now or is your self worth a bit low because of some other reason that deserves to be addressed?

Maybe consider going a bit easy on yourself? Don’t beat yourself up over that response or message that you regret. Don’t assume you can control others, just be yourself. Speak your truth at any given time and allow yourself that beautiful release of scary, scary vulnerability. 

Don’t run from it or beat yourself up over every and any little interaction or negative thought, give yourself a break and pull yourself out of the addiction of dark thoughts. Seek out help, ask for help - even if you are just asking yourself. Make healthy choices that will have a knock on effect of making you feel good about yourself or happy in your decision.

It is far from easy, but again, nothing worth having in this life is ever easy. But then the end result, when you push through and put in that effort - it is so, so very worth it to be able to have that moment of that day when you actually don’t doubt yourself or hate yourself.

I will keep motoring along with my own work and efforts and I ask that you do the same, if you find yourself in that dark place. Push through and don’t give up on yourself, you’re all you’ve got and that’s a pretty amazing thing to have.

[ea-lord-of-the-derps]

Injury Lawyers in Augusta GA

Professional Personal Injury Lawyer In Augusta

At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, we are dedicated to offering world-class legal services for all those injury claims. By choosing our law practice, clients get the chance to make a strong case and generate meaningful results with the assistance of a professional team. Our law practice has quickly become one of several region's leading legal teams and is growing with each day.

For all those seeking international-grade legal services by using our company, it's time to begin having an in-depth consultation. Our company is passionate, proven, and able to put our best foot forward with regards to delivering results.

The reason we continue to be the ideal solution involves our background in Augusta. We have was able to assist a large number of legal clients through the years and remain a respected name in town. Whether it be developing a case, collecting evidence, or providing legal guidance, getting the right attorney by your side might be a real difference-maker. We are going to be more than pleased to present a robust listing of options that you should undergo and choose from. This guidance comes from taking the chance to understand the thing you need then continuing to move forward from there.

The point behind our law practice which team of legal professionals is related to helping others. We never scrimp and we still put our best efforts behind helping our clients every step of the way. While challenges are going to arise throughout the legal process, clients will know they could depend on what we're doing and can still maintain an open type of communication. And this is what sets us apart and lets us end up being the ideal option for those who want to create a viable injury claim by using a law practice.

Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C. 1 10th St #550, Augusta, GA 30901

There exists nothing more essential than picking a sincere legal team with numerous years of proven experience. With regards to injury claims, we understand how important it can be to comprehend exactly what the client is handling and whatever they hope to obtain through the experience. Each situation is exclusive and that's why we take time to tune in to what you will need to say and what your vision is focused on. This info becomes the building blocks where we build our case.

Integrity may be the name of your game and it's something we are proud to focus on. We appreciate how difficult it might be to pick a law practice then let the legal team to help you out. it's not easy to know what is right and precisely what is wrong while not having to depend on a team of attorneys. This is the reason we still help our clients recognize precisely what is transpiring and the way it will help them within the long term. This is focused on communication and showing a sense of compassion for the clients that is certainly crucial in Augusta. If you prefer a compassionate, proven team we are the main option in town.

At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, we are dedicated to providing client-friendly solutions and that is something we don't compromise on. Clients will need someone that will go ahead and take case by its horns and continue to push forward using a viable solution. This consists of customizing each detail and building the situation based upon exactly what the client requires. This could involve the sort of evidence which is used, the details that is certainly relayed on the court of law, or the sort of settlement that is certainly provided in the long run. We take time to pour through many of these details with this clients and make sure they are content with the decisions which can be made. And this is what allows us to create a meaningful relationship with this clients while they turn to progress using the injury claim.

Setting up a claim like this isn't simple and easy , it's essential to think about all of your options as soon as possible. With the aid of Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, you will see many of these options appear using the guidance of your seasoned attorney. The lawyer will almost certainly know what works and what doesn't while allowing your case to head from the right direction.

How does the method unfold after it is time to generate a decision? Is it going to be as straightforward as you desire it to be? may be the claim going to go through and result in a settlement as quickly as necessary? Generally, it is not necessarily and that has a lot concerning the legal team by your side. Are you presently picking someone that has seen all this and will know how to adapt as you go along or are you currently picking someone that will wing it? At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, perform not scrimp and we know very well what is essential. And this is what allows us to create a wholesome strategy that is not merely planning to incorporate exactly what the client needs but in addition exactly what the case demands within the long term. This really is the best way to start to see the kinds of results that can bring a smile in your face.

The good thing about working together with our law practice is understanding they will ensure the process is as smooth as is possible. This consists of the original consultation, case building, and everything in between. Our company is always going to make the effort to ensure you have a hands-off approach from the case building process.

Having a sense of commitment is important in fact it is something we are very proud of at Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C. We do not spend time providing solutions that will not result in a meaningful end or will not sync with just how the case should certainly be presented. We realize a few things are going to benefit one client but aren't planning to complete the task for others. This really is an element of the process in fact it is something we take quite seriously.

To make sure we are giving the right measure of commitment and setting up hard yards, we still assess our work throughout the process. This consists of asking for feedback from our clients to learn about what works and what requires improvement. This info is vital in ensuring you might be treated the right way and gain access to a team that is certainly truly enthusiastic about what it does legally.

All injury claims will be cured with respect and professionalism and that's a guarantee. It's something it is possible to lean on as being a client understanding the team will almost certainly make use of all from the resources to complete the task.

One of the main reasons this has become an illustrious legal team from the heart of Atlanta is related to its good track record. Our company is not new to the marketplace and get spent years concentrating on various fronts to help you our clients. This expertise is important with regards to case building, collecting evidence, and simply recognize when adjustments are needed. This is focused on using a legal professional by your side that will treat you the right way and is going to take the desired steps to offer serious results. Why opt for those who are planning to waste your time or will not assist whenever necessary? Our company is an all-on-one law practice that recognizes steps to make adjustments and give valid solutions for personal injury claims.

Whether it be filing the individual injury claim or asking for an appeal, we have now your back every step of the way. This is focused on ensuring the end result is in your favor and permits you to relax knowing compensation is around the corner.

Our background is focused on earning the client's trust and showing them our dedicated approach to injury cases.

Being proactive can be something we still emphasize at Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C because it's what our clients demand. There exists nothing worse than sitting on both your hands and hoping for the appropriate cause come through. This may not be planning to complete the task and will often result in a situation in which the lawyer doesn't do enough to help you out. At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, we are seriously interested in our legal approach within these matters and everything is carried out our power to create a strong case. This consists of using new-age methods that put us the main thing on the legal industry. Having someone as professional and passionate as this may be a game-changer after it is time and energy to fight for the legal rights. Why opt for someone that will not be happy to make the hard yards?

From the time we talk to you about the case, our company will almost certainly start experiencing the appropriate details. This consists of presenting a robust strategy that will help push the situation from the right direction and will almost certainly result in a favorable decision from the court of law. Here is the appeal of going with a team that is ready to be proactive.

What makes us one of several better legal teams in the commercial? Exactly why is Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C the ultimate option for those who are seriously interested in setting up a private injury claim?

Several reasons permit us to be the ultimate choice for those who wish to see success. It's not only about having 350+ numerous years of collective experience but the power to know very well what our clients want. This is focused on showing a sense of compassion and working within the legal framework to guide clients towards a just verdict. There will be several steps as you go along and merely the best legal professionals know how to respond to each one of these.

This comes from experience and operating in Augusta. We have spent decades operating in Augusta and this experience can be something you can trust from the first day.

Our company is always setting up some time to construct a network of resources in this particular part of town and that is what allows us to gain an edge over others. We are the most effective at everything we do and yes it starts by understanding the legislation locally.

All-in-One Case Building Case building is a critical piece on the legal puzzle with regards to filing a private injury claim. Our attorneys have spent years analyzing what works and what doesn't by building a large number of cases. We recognize exactly what the legal setup in Augusta demands and the ways to put forward a case that will gain traction. This really is essential in fact it is something we commence to pinpoint once the initial consultation transpires. We will start to assess what the options are immediately and will shed light on each one of these since we undergo them. Here is the appeal of knowing you might be by using a knowledgeable team that has seen all this.

We realize the kinds of hurdles that will arise and the ways to navigate around them by using the legislation. This is an all-in-one case building that will produce a serious difference with your claim along with the settlement that's provided. Remember, there are numerous steps at the same time and allowing us to help you out will lead the claim down your path.

To arrive at our offices for more information, please call us at 1-888-579-1790. A legitimate representative will anticipate to set up a consultation and get going with the original steps. It is a fascinating way to ensure that you are setting up a robust injury claim and can seek compensation for all those relevant damages. Our law practice is among the the best in Augusta and continues to be the optimal option for all of your needs.

[this-chick-digs-chicks]

Augusta Georgia Injury Attorney

Professional Personal Injury Lawyer In Augusta

At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, our company is focused on offering world-class legal services for all injury claims. By choosing our law practice, clients get the chance to develop a strong case and generate meaningful results with the help of a specialist team. Our law firm has become one of several region`s leading legal teams and continues to grow with each day.

For all those seeking international-grade legal services by using our team, it`s time to get going with an in-depth consultation. We have been passionate, proven, and ready to put our best foot forward in relation to delivering results.

The main reason we continue being the way to go involves our track record in Augusta. We now have were able to assist 1000s of legal clients over the years and remain a respected name around. Whether it is constructing a case, collecting evidence, or providing legal guidance, having the right attorney on your side could be a real difference-maker. We are going to be delighted to offer a robust listing of options that you should undergo and choose from. This guidance emanates from taking the chance to understand what you need then advancing following that.

The aim behind our Augusta Law Group and also this team of legal professionals is related to helping others. We never scrimp therefore we carry on and put our best efforts behind helping our clients every step of the way. While challenges will certainly arise throughout the legal process, clients knows they can count on what we`re doing and may consistently maintain an open collection of communication. This is what sets us apart and lets us end up being the ideal option for people who want to create a viable personal injury claim by using a law practice.

Legal Integrity In Augusta Georgia

There may be nothing more important than choosing a genuine legal team with numerous years of proven experience. When it comes to accidental injury claims, we realize how important it can be to know what the client is coping with and what they are hoping to get from the experience. Each situation is different and that`s why we take time to listen to what you have to say and what your vision is focused on. This data becomes the foundation from which we build our case.

Integrity is the name in the game and it`s something we are proud to pay attention to. We appreciate how difficult it could be to choose a law firm then enable the legal team to aid out. it`s quite difficult to know what is right and precisely what is wrong without having to depend on a team of attorneys. This is the reason we consistently help our clients recognize precisely what is transpiring and just how it is going to help them across the long-term. This is all about communication and showing a sense of compassion for your clients that is essential in Augusta. If you need a compassionate, proven team then we are the main option in town.

Client-Friendly Legal Solutions

At Augusta Attorney Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, we are committed to providing client-friendly solutions and that is something we don`t compromise on. Clients would like someone that will go ahead and take case by its horns and continue to push forward with a viable solution. Including customizing each detail and building the truth based on precisely what the client requires. This could involve the kind of evidence that is used, the info that is relayed on the court of law, or the type of settlement that is provided eventually. We spend some time to pour through all of these details with our clients and make sure they are content with the decisions which are made. And this is what permits us to develop a meaningful relationship with our clients while they check out move ahead together with the accidental injury claim.

Setting up a compensation claim similar to this isn`t simple and easy it`s essential to take into account your options at the earliest opportunity. By using Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, you might see every one of these options appear with all the guidance of a seasoned attorney. The lawyer will probably determine what works and what doesn`t while allowing your case to head inside the right direction.

Seamless Legal Process

How exactly does the procedure unfold after it is time to produce a decision? Would it be going to be as straightforward as you would like that it is? will be the claim going to endure and result in a settlement as fast as necessary? In many instances, it is not and that includes a lot with regards to the legal team by your side. Are you working with someone who has seen all this and will understand how to adapt on the way or are you going with someone that will wing it? At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, we do not cut corners therefore we determine what is necessary. This is exactly what allows us to create a wholesome strategy that is not only likely to incorporate just what the client needs but additionally what the case demands over the long term. This can be the only way to start to see the types of results that may bring a grin for your face.

The good thing about utilizing our law practice is understanding the team will make sure the procedure is as smooth as is possible. Including the original consultation, case building, and everything in between. Our company is going to make the effort to ensure you possess a hands-off approach from the case building process.

Committed to Legal Excellence in Augusta

Having a sense of commitment is necessary in fact it is something we have been pleased with at Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C. Perform not waste time providing solutions that will not resulted in a meaningful end or are not going to sync with just how the case should certainly be presented. We realize some things are going to benefit one client but aren`t likely to complete the task for other individuals. This really is an element of the process and it is something we take quite seriously.

To ensure our company is supplying the right measure of commitment and investing in the difficult yards, we consistently assess our work during the entire process. This includes asking for feedback from the clients to discover the things that work and what requires improvement. These details is important in ensuring you will be treated correctly and get access to a team that may be truly excited about what it does legally.

All accidental injuries claims will probably be addressed with respect and professionalism and that`s an assurance. It`s something you can lean on as a client understanding the team will almost certainly use all of their resources to complete the task.

Good Track Record Record with Our Augusta Clients

One of the many reasons it has become an illustrious legal team within the heart of Augusta has to do with its good track record. We are not a new comer to the marketplace and get spent years working on various fronts to assist our clients. This expertise is essential in terms of case building, collecting evidence, and simply recognize when adjustments are needed. This is all about having a legal professional on your side that is going to treat you correctly and will take the required steps to offer serious results. Why choose individuals who are gonna waste your time or are not likely to help whenever necessary? We are an all-on-one law office that recognizes how to make adjustments and offer valid solutions for personal injury claims.

Whether it be filing the personal injury claim or requesting an appeal, we certainly have your back every step of the way. This is all about making sure the effect is within your favor and permits you to relax knowing compensation is nearby.

Our history is focused on earning the client`s trust and showing them our dedicated procedure for accidental injury cases.

Proactive Methods

Being proactive is something we consistently emphasize at Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C because it`s what our clients demand. There is nothing worse than on both hands and hoping for the ideal lead to come through. This is not gonna get the job done and definately will often resulted in a situation where lawyer doesn`t do enough to help you out. At Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C, our company is intent on our legal approach in these matters and everything is done in our power to create a strong case. This consists of using new-age methods that put us at the forefront of the legal industry. Having someone as professional and passionate as this can be a game-changer after it is time and energy to fight for your personal legal rights. Why go along with someone that is just not ready to make the hard yards?

From the minute we talk to you regarding the case, our company will probably start dealing with the appropriate details. Including presenting a powerful strategy that will assist push the truth in the right direction and will result in a favorable decision from the court of law. This is the attractiveness of going with a team that is ready to be proactive.

Local Experience in Augusta, GA

The thing that makes us among the better legal teams in the market? How come Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C the best option for those who are intent on putting in a personal injury claim?

Several reasons permit us to end up being the ultimate choice for many who wish to see success. It`s not just about having 350+ many years of collective experience but also the ability to know very well what our clients want. This is focused on showing a sense of compassion and working throughout the legal framework to steer clients towards a just verdict. There will probably be several steps along the way and simply the ideal legal professionals know how to react to every one.

This originates from experience and employed in Augusta. We have spent decades operating in Augusta and that experience can be something you can trust from day one.

We have been always investing in enough time to construct a network of resources within this part of town and that is certainly what permits us to gain a good edge over others. We work most effectively at whatever we do plus it starts by learning the legislation locally.

Respectful Augusta Attorneys

All-in-One Case Building Case building is really a critical piece to the legal puzzle when it comes to filing an individual injury claim. Our attorneys have spent years analyzing what works and what doesn`t by building a large number of cases. We recognize exactly what the legal setup in Augusta demands and the way to put forward an instance that will gain traction. This can be essential in fact it is something we start to pinpoint once the initial consultation transpires. Our team will start to assess what your choices are immediately and can shed light on each one of these when we go through them. This is the appeal of knowing you are using a knowledgeable team which includes seen all this.

We realize the sorts of hurdles that are going to arise and the way to navigate around them with the aid of the legal system. It is really an all-in-one case building that is going to produce a serious difference inside your claim along with the settlement that`s provided. Remember, there are numerous steps along the way and allowing us to aid out will lead the claim down your path.

https://twitter.com/kennethnugent4

https://twitter.com/champsvsstars

To arrive at our offices for additional information, please phone us at 1-888-579-1790. A legitimate representative will anticipate to setup a consultation and get started with the first steps. This can be a fascinating way to ensure that you are investing in a solid injury claim and can seek compensation for all relevant damages. Our law practice is one of the best in Augusta and remains the best option for all your needs.

Our Augusta GA Law Practice Location:

Kenneth S. Nugent, P.C. One 10th Street Riverfront Center, Suite 550 Augusta GA 30901 (706) 724-175

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

READY OR NOT (2019)

This was…really good! And I’m not just saying that because it’s the popular thing to say.   

Basically, Samara Weaving is a young woman with huge eyes who is marrying into a family of rich people. Catch is, she has to play a game to become “one of them.”  She pulls the evil card and has to play hide and seek.  As she gleefully runs off to hide, the family bust out the weapons, because they must kill her!  Shit!

The plot proceeds thusly, with the predictable complications, near-escapes, actual escape, but then eventual recapture-ing, before the final denouement.  I say “predictable,” because that’s just how the genre is, but the entire story is really well done, with fine acting and production.  There are even some gross scenes, where Samara Weaving’s hand is almost blown off, she falls into a pit of goat carcasses, and then she impales that same hand on a nail.  Nice.

So, at the end, Samara Weaving finds her gumption and kills her mother-in-law.  Her husband, who, up to this point had been trying to save her, says something to effect that he now knows that she’s going to leave him.  With that in mind, he gives in to the dark side and decides to help his family kill her.  Shit!  I mean, what a shitty thing to do.  He always knew that pulling the bad card was a possibility, and I would think that if you really loved someone you wouldn’t subject them to any possibility of death, but that’s just me.  He figures that since they’re not going to be together, he might as well kill her!  So, the family have Samara Weaving held down to a table and are about to stab her, but she manages to jerk to the side and is stabbed only in the shoulder.  She rolls off the table, just as the sun is coming up.  (The family has to kill her by sunrise to fulfill a pact with an evil being, Le Bail, which is not an anagram of BELIAL.)  Everyone cringes, but nothing happens!  The evil aunt moves in to kill Samara Weaving, but the old woman explodes into a splatter of blood!  The rest of the family likewise explode, which makes Samara Weaving giggle.

The last person alive is her husband.  He yells to Samara Weaving that she’s made him wholesome, so he should be spared, but it’s bullshit and he explodes too.  She’s covered in blood and wanders outside the now-burning house.  A paramedic shows up and asks her what happened. She says, “My in-laws.”  Haw haw.

There’s a lot going on here. We have the ancient trope of young-woman-being-hunted-by-a-murderous family, which hearkens back to at least “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974), except this family is a bunch of billionaire assholes.  That last part ties in to the current zeitgeist that maybe the super-rich don’t actually contribute that much to society.  See “The Dark Knight Rises” (2012)(Selina: “You're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little to the rest of us”).  In this manner, there’s a subversion of the murder-family trope, a la “Cabin in the Woods” (2012), but “Ready or Not” doesn’t go quite as far as that movie.  In some ways that are hard to articulate, this movie pulls its punches somewhat.  It’s good, but not great.  It’s just not quite as vicious as it could have been.