#which was even more cruel imo because when they started up again it just broke the palestinians

[hussyknee]

"Not publicized to prevent copycats" is an absolute bullshit excuse in a nation of school shooters btw.

Please, please read this.

The Congolese genocide is one of the biggest mass murders in modern history, counting eight to ten million murder victims and millions of others severely injured.

As for Palestine, but the bombardment is somehow more intense than ever, they killed about 178 people including 52 babies the first day after the ceasefire. Zionists got hold of the photo of one of the babies cradled by his grandfather in his tiny shroud, his face waxy and eyes open and glassy in death, and has been passing it around, along with other similar pics of dead little children, claiming they're "obviously a doll". The open calls for genocide from the Israeli general public are more virulent than ever, and the IOF has arrested and imprisoned more Palestinians in West Bank than they released. The increase in intensity may be due to Blinken having told Netanyahu that "he had weeks, not months" to finish up whatever he wanted to do (genocide isn't good for the holiday spirit of the voting public methinks), and Netanyahu reportedly wants to "thin the population" as much as possible and herd the remaining survivors out through the Egyptian border.

Please take the time to scroll the tags at least every other day and reblog one or two posts. Keeping eyes on the unfolding situation helps keep the pressure on and politicians are clearly nervous now! YOU can't do anything, but you help create a vital domino effect for hundreds of thousands of people who CAN organize. Relevance is survival. Don't let these people have martyred themselves in vain!

[incorrectcoldflashblog]

☔️

Hi, anon! Sorry it took me a while to answer, I had to try a couple times to make sense of this particular AU, haha.

Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Maybe I’m being overly optimistic but I still have hope I’ll be able to share ALL of my current WIPs eventually, lol. The only one I don’t actually think I’ll end up writing, and I’ve talked about it on here before, is my Genie AU, which was a mix of canon and AU where Barry is still the Flash but Len is a genie. Putting this under a read more because it got a bit long.

The idea originally came to me because I love genie/djinn lore but I’m not a huge fan of ‘The master falls in love with the genie and in the end he sets them free’ because IMO it doesn’t matter if your masters are kind or cruel, they’re still trying to master you. So I knew I wanted Barry to break Len free of the lamp in the very beginning, without giving in to the temptation of making any wishes, just because it’s the right thing to do, or maybe even because this is a Barry who went through a version of Flashpoint and is wary of whatever alteration of reality Len is offering. Meanwhile, Len is the one who is wary of freedom and doesn’t see why his purpose in life has to be ruined just because Barry doesn’t have any self-control. But we know how stubborn Barry can be when he genuinely thinks he’s doing the right thing so he frees Len from the lamp and *that* is when things turn to shit, lol. Len immediately starts decaying and comes to Barry being basically like, you broke it you buy it. Fix it or I’ll burn your house down with your family inside. So much for trying to do the right thing.

So yeah, the first part of the fic would be Len being pretty much the world’s worst house guest and trying to understand how the human world works now that he has to live in it full time thanks to SOMEONE, while Barry and his team (which in this fic was going to be Caitlin, Cisco and Hartley, with Hartmon as a side pairing because Cisco got tricked into making a wish before the lamp was destroyed and now he and Hartley have a baby and must raise it despite very much hating the sight each other, or do they) try to get information on the lamp, and the curse, and djinns, and try to unearth the mystery of Len’s origins. And of course during that time forced into close quarters Len and Barry were gonna fall in love^^ Not that they’d ever admit to it, especially not Len. There would be tropes galore, such as being forced to take care of Cisco and Hartley’s dumb baby together, or Barry teaching Len to read, but that one was gonna be a slooooow burn, mostly because I had plans for this version of Len to be somewhere on the asexual spectrum? Or at least it was gonna be strongly implied because humans were always just kinda there to him, and in any case he wouldn’t sleep with someone who kept him in a lamp when they weren’t using him.

I had plans to insert a bunch of references to Len’s canon appearances, including the fact that Barry would’ve found the lamp during a robbery of the Kahndaq Dynasty expo at the Central City museum, and Len was going to blackmail him into forging a new identity for him (as opposed to destroying his records like on the show). So, Leonard Snart was going to be his fake human name, although most characters just referred to him as Cold. Cold was literally constantly scheming in the first half of the fic and one of those schemes was gonna get Joe killed and force Cold into taking responsibility and sacrifice himself to bring Joe back. And that was gonna be the end of Part 1 because. Pain.

Part 2 was gonna start after a time jump and Barry still having no idea that Len is dead because, again. Pain. He thinks Len just took off, even though he promised him he wouldn’t leave. Joe never told Barry the truth because Joe never tells his kids the important things (yes, I’m still salty he told Iris her mother was dead, why do you ask). Meanwhile, Len has been sulking in the afterlife for four mortal years and the only people he’s got to talk to are some of his former Masters (namely Lisa and Ray) and Death (Sara, of course, who else), who he eventually tries to make a deal with: Undo the spell. She can have Joe West back. So Death is like, well, okay, that was dark even for you but if you really want to go through with this, do it yourself because I’m not going to do some insignificant mortal’s dirty work, I’ll give you one day because you entertain me. And Len sets out to do just that but of course he can’t, because once he’s back on Earth he immediately runs into Iris and tries to use her to get to her father but the thing is that Len/Cold HAS changed during the time he spent with Barry. He never meant to, but he did. So he basically just tells Joe to have a nice life and resigns himself to leave and go back to his little corner of eternity.

But not before Barry sees him.

And then—well admittedly I hadn’t really written too much past that point, haha, but I’m sure you can guess that Barry is furious with Joe and finds a way to go to the afterlife to get Len back, and I guess it turns into the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice for a while, although I would never give my boys an unhappy ending so I did plan for the fic to have a happy ending and have Len and Barry leave the afterlife together. However, it was by that point that I realized this would take waaay too many chapters and way too much worldbuilding to write this story in a satisfying manner so I got discouraged and gave up XD But yeah, that was basically the whole plan for this giant project that will probably never happen, although I guess you never know!

Thank you so much for the ask, anon. I can only hope I haven’t bored you to death <3

Send an emoji and I’ll answer

[carinyms]

I've scrolled through a lot of discourse on episode 4 of Loki and I need to talk about it

(good lord its a whole essay im sorry)

I gave myself a headache from crying while watching this. (I joined the Loki fandom post-IW so I’ve never had to see him die before while emotionally invested and boy!!! Is it doing things to my fragile psyche!!). But now I’m rehydrated and more stable and ready to party so let’s go

Right off the bat, I loved this episode — loved it loved it loved it. Silly, manic in-shock Loki is gone and shit is getting real. My thought while watching this was truly “wow this is my favorite episode so far” and damn am I in a minority with this opinion lol.

So here’s my perspective on some of the discourse flying around, and just general thoughts

On the whole ‘Narcissist’ thing:

IMO, Mobius saying this means nothing: he’s mad and he’s spouted lies at Loki to push his buttons before (see: every interaction they’ve had since episode 1).

Loki saying this to Sif-- well, Loki is and always has been an unreliable narrator on himself. The major theme of this show is that he doesn’t really know who he is, deep down, and he’s trying to figure it out. The TVA is taking advantage of this, and even though he’s trying to stay above it all throughout the series, he's still in a really impressionable spot and absorbing what others tell him about himself. (not to mention this scene is literal torture and he’s already proven that he’ll say whatever he needs to to get out of it.)

But he does admit one true thing when he says “It’s because I’m scared of being alone.” (And like wow okay same don’t mind my tears) but here’s a big brain idea!

Sif pulls him up and says ‘You are alone, and you always will be’, which is like, WOW that’s cruel after what he said, but it makes me ask wonder: Sif is sentient in this scene, but obviously it’s not really her. Who’s controlling her? And why is it so important for them to make sure Loki thinks he’s alone? I’d go as far as to wager that Sif never even said this to Loki, the big bad made this up. (he admits he forgot about this ever happening, I doubt he’d remember what she said.)

I think the nexus event on Lamentis that caused the branch was two Loki’s joining sides. Or, Loki no longer being alone. Loki insists while talking to Mobius that “she’s not my partner!” but she was, and they were partners from the moment they grabbed hands on Lamentis — right when the timeline broke off. I think Loki variants teaming up is the biggest threat to whoever is pulling the strings here — that’s why the post-credit scene is so significant. (Is Loki the only person who has multiple variants of himself who've escaped the TVA?)

And here’s where I’m gonna get salty--so I apologize but i need to rant about this-- but it’s seriously pissing me off that so many people are intentionally reading this as Loki/Sylvie and then being mad about it when that’s clearly not what’s happening and why is everyone acting like Mobius with one angry jealous brain cell and no critical thinking about the context of the characters.

If people ship it that’s chill, but for the people who are against it—it’s clearly supposed to be platonic, and it’s so upsetting that in the year of our lord 2021 we still can’t have a man and woman hold hands without people saying it’s proof they want to f*ck each other, like what in the misogyny??? STOP. This show was written by a bi woman and Tom the-most-emotionally-sensitive-man-on-this-planet Hiddleston — let them display an intimate loving friendship goddammit. This isn’t romance, this is Loki learning how to admit he cares for someone who cares for him in return — something he hasn’t experienced a whole lot of and clearly doesn’t know how to navigate.

(You have permission to personally come at me if it actually turns out to be romantic by the end of the show—but as of right now I will die on this hill.)

Him putting his hands on her shoulders to me was a clear indication he wanted to hug her, and I’d like to think he would have told her he cares about her, and that they can figure it out together. Because these are two characters who’ve never had anyone else to rely on and trust, and for the first time they’re not alone.

And I have to think about what prompted this from Loki. He just lost Mobius the moment after he called him friend. The way I see it, he’s just realized the true gravity of what they’re up against, and Loki is suddenly very afraid of losing Sylvie too before he tells her cares about her, of dying truly alone because he never told anyone what they meant to him. (Don’t think about this in the context of him also having watched his entire family die knowing he never told Frigga or Thor how much he loved them either don’t think about it—) He’s realized, finally, that he has doesn’t have to be alone, that he can choose to be close to people and have friends. And god it’s so heartbreaking that he never got to hug her or have that moment with her. I really hope they get that in the end. I hope he gets it with Mobius. I hope they have a group hug. I'm upset again.

Okay, deep breath, ANYWAY.

Hopefully this didn’t come off as attacking anyone else’s opinions.

Personally, I love this character so much, I’m just so happy to be seeing him in his own storyline that they can’t go wrong here. Objectively I think the production is amazing, and personally I love they way Loki’s character has been explored so far. (Yea yea, was I HOPING that the bad-memory loop would morph into Sanctuary and Thanos and like a full exploration of his true worst memories? Yes but let’s be honest my whump needs will never be met in canon and I have to accept that lol.)

Honestly I left all my own meta about this character at the door when the series started, because for me the opinions I’ve formed from the hundreds of (amazing) fics and meta I’ve read on this character and what’s true in canon are basically inseparable at this point, and no portrayal is going to live up to the way Loki exists in my head. Canon Loki and fic Loki are two different characters and I can enjoy both at the same time :) I’ve just loved seeing the character get given the different dimensions he deserves, and written by people who care about his story.

Also, it’s not over! If he was dead and this was it I’d be very upset, but this is the rock bottom of the storyline, and I think the whole next two episodes will be the build back up. I trust it’s gonna be worth it. SO hyped for flaming sword Loki. I would die for Sylvie, but I’m excited to see him on his own again.

My current most pressing questions are:

-what was the fallout of Sylvie’s bombing the timeline? (Have we seen that yet, am I just dumb and missing something?)

-Obviously, who’s behind it all? (Kang? Is there a head honcho Very Evil Loki at the top?)

-How much does Ravonna actually know, and to what extent is she just a pawn too? She asked Sylvie to prune her— she’s probably also been duped here.

-Is everything we learned about the sacred timeline BS? How much of what the TVA workers believe is real?

-my favorite theory so far is that the war of the timelines miss minutes talks about hasn’t actually happened yet, maybe making setting that into motion is the true endgame, leading into Multiverse of Madness?

(Side note: holy HELL im so excited for this soundtrack to drop on Spotify. It’s SO AMAZING I had CHILLS in the end credits.)

Open invitation to discuss anything with me if you feel inclined! :)

[its-chelisey-stuff]

Word of Honor eps 11-20 (many confusing thoughts ft. the feels)

Well, the drama has finished airing (and I’ve seen a bunch of spoilers lol) but I’m watching it on youtube so every rant and ramble you read here is gonna be a pretense of me not really knowing the story and that includes what I know from reading the novel because it’s confusing to keep in mind what happens in both since the drama diverted quite a bit from the source. All that matters is that we got a happy ending, so now I can enjoy the delicious angst, pining and romance freely and without worries.

On the plot

I didn’t have enough of GuXiang and CWN in these eps but at least they’re safe and together, for now. They’re gonna romance each other and will eventually reunite with main OTP and their kid (who looks like a little Wang Yibo to me lol). And Ye BaiYi (aka captain of the WenZhou ship) has made his first appearance and wants to help save ZZS. Btw I love his dynamic with WKX, it’s hilarious!

Now, I’m a bit confused about the names and faces and who’s bad, and who’s not so bad but the main baddie has been revealed and it looks like the dude is controlling the Scorpion King via daddy issues which yikes. I’m worried that it looks like WKX doesn’t know who is pulling all the strings because that shows that his plan for revenge isn’t perfect and if he was wrong about Gao Chong, then he can be wrong about other, bigger things and that isn’t good.

Also, some of the valley ghosts want to take WKX out of the picture, which is of course not surprising considering killing the current leader is the only way to succession of what it seems like a dictatorship. What a nightmare to live in tbh, I’m surprised WKX is functional enough to walk so nonchalant and elegantly in public and that he managed to raise an equally functional GuXiang. But I guess that’s because he wanted to survive and get the justice/revenge he feels he deserves (I’m on his side, btw), so he had to act like a madman while trying to keep his sanity. He has some glitches,of course, but he did well, all things considered.

Which takes me to the whole Five Lakes Alliance and their “friendship”, which imo went to hell 20 years prior to the start of the story, and they all pretended for two decades, because they all wanted the Armory and each had a piece to get into it. Is it bad that I don’t feel that bad for them? Maybe just about little Chengling’s dad but other than that...*shrugs* Plus, their actions brought terrible consequences for innocents, namely WKX’s family.

On the love story

The romance is delightful!! On ep 11 WKX went to rescue little Yibo but found out ZZS was also there so he went full-on killer mode so hot because how dare these scorpion killers hurt his man? They made up (with he help of their adoptive son) and even took their time to have dates and enjoy a lot of alcohol until ZZS went “my dude, tell me the truth, you’re Rong Xuang’s son, aren’t you?” to which WKX offended, replied “Honestly? No, how fucking dare you?” but it is a theme with these two to part dramatically after an argument and then reunite in dramatically gay fashion when ZZS is in danger, which actually happened 3 times in these ten eps.

The reveal of ZZS’s condition to WKX was PERFECTLY done. I love gorgeous men crying and being all angsty under the rain so that scene with OTP afterwards was delicious and then WKX sadly playing the flute while getting drenched and reciting poetry (GONG JUN IS AMAZING AS WKX!!!!!!) has definitely become one of my fave moments so far. I love that despite their short time together, you can see and feel the bond between the two and that there’s a side of them, a vulnerable one, that they only show to the other and that’s how I believe in the depth of their feelings (plus the arguments and shared near death experiences lol you can’t beat those). You don’t need lots of time to actually get to know a person, and after the few weeks(?) of a rollercoaster of emotions these two have shared, it isn’t weird they’ve become soulmates.

We know ZZS has accepted his fate and is happy with the way things will end for him. He said it himself, he just wants a peaceful life or a peaceful death, and while the former is out of reach or so he thinks, he can certainly make reality the latter. I understand that he is perfectly happy as is, because he achieved his goal after years of being a muderous puppet and meeting WKX is like the perfect ending, a last blessing. However, that’s not the case with WKX. He hasn’t achieved his goal yet, he doesn’t have the same peacefulness and acceptance as ZZS. He has a lot of rage and hate inside him and he had just set his plan into motion when he met ZZS and although that hasn’t changed his mind about his revenge it has made him want things he didn’t know he even wanted before. Now he desperately wants a life with him. So finding out that the man he’s fallen for, is dying, is a cruel twist of fate, another one in his life. Why allow him to meet ZZS when he will lose him in a couple of years?

Anyway, as a man with a mission, WKX had to suck it all back up and go watch the shit show he thought he always wanted to see, which ended super bad. And at this point I don’t even know if WKX knows what he’s doing anymore or if the drama is fooling me they might be succeding.

cough cough eye sex cough cough 

 After a total of 3 caves, declaring their love for each other (ep 18 min 17:50), rolling on the grass super gay, saving their son yet again and a tragic backstory later, ZZS comes to understand who WKX really is and his heart broke as well as mine and everyone’s because damnnnnn that was heavy (but also, I wasn’t expecting the childhood friends trope, but I don’t I mind it, in fact I like it as it reinforces the narrative that OTP are meant to be). What broke me even more is that, amidst all that, WKX still has the state of mind to worry about ZZS’s health and ask if it’s possible to save him with the YingYang book of the Healer Valley. He might act like a monster but he isn’t one. If he was, he wouldn’t have compassion for others and that huge capacity he has for loving. Come to think of it, maybe it’s the terrible life he’s had what makes him being all devoted to the person he loves, to love without holding anything back.

Of course ZZS isn’t short of affection for his man, because while his love is on the more quiet, much more subtle side, he is always paying attention to WKX and is visibly worried about him and this hatred he has for the people of the alliance as well as his plan for revenge.

I just love how we went for “oh, they might like each other, but they each have their emo baggage and ZZS doesn’t look too willing to take on WKX’s troubles or even understand him” to “yep, they’re soulmates, they’re in this together and ZZS won’t let darkness eat WKX away and WKX will risk it all to save his man”. It’s beautiful.

[thebad---catholic]

Why I don’t think Azula should’ve gotten a healing/redemption arc

k so I made this meme a couple weeks ago

and I got a lot (a lot? Like 10 but that’s a lot for me) responses disagreeing with my post, which is fair because there’s really only a tiny subset of fans who fit into the “if you stan villains you’re a bad person” category, and Azula’s character (like most other things in atla) is fairly nuanced. I won’t dive into her personal psychology so much, just why I was satisfied with her arc as a viewer.

Note: I’m only speaking within the context of Atla. I haven’t read any of the comics or seen Lok so for the sake of this lil post those don’t exist.

Not enough time

Plain and simple, Azula didn’t have enough time for any sort of healing or redemption. She would’ve needed at least 2 seasons based on what Zuko went through. Adding more seasons for this purpose would feel kind of pointless. Maybe they should’ve explored this in other media but not within atla as the story works best as a tidy three season bit.

Along this same vein, I’m not viewing the show the same way as I would irl. If we’re being realistic, Azula was a horribly abused mentally ill 14 year old who most definitely should’ve gotten treatment. But this is a cartoon, where standards are a little different, which I’ll talk more about in a minute.

Iroh used to be a bad person/If Zuko changed so could she

This one is more complicated for me, but basically I view it like this. In the show, Iroh and Zuko display goodness before their redemption.

We see this with Zuko especially. He is banished for trying to protect the lives of fire nation soldiers from certain death. Twice he spares the life of his rival Zhao, even after that rival tried to kill him. In season two, he saves appa, risks blowing his cover to light lanterns for Jin, saves a town from mercenaries, and even when he’s robbing, he spares certain people (the pregnant woman for example) and mostly targets the wealthy. Zuko, even at his worst, had hard limits on his morality.

Iroh is more subtle. The most clear example comes from the flashback in “Zuko Alone” where Iroh gifts Zuko a dagger from the earth kingdom that he notes is of superior craftsmanship. This, to me, shows where the start of Iroh’s arc comes from: his appreciation of the other nations. It’s been noted before that Iroh has also mastered all four elements, even though he can only firebend. Redirecting lightning comes from waterbenders- likely learned before Iroh “turned good”. Even as their adversary, Iroh respects the people of Ba Sing Se for their resilience. (This again contrasts Zhao, who was so deranged he murdered the fucking moon just to win.) Finally, the dragons. Iroh is known as the dragon of the west even to people from Ba Sing Se- this means that he spared the lives of the final dragons before Lu Tens death. Like Zuko, Iroh shows mercy even when on the wrong side. Lu Ten’s death breaks Iroh because it forces him to finally come to terms with the fact that the fire nation is built on a lie. Fire nation superiority is a lie, and it’s one he’s known for a long time.

Azula doesn’t display any of these traits. The only time in the entire series where she apologizes is after she insults Ty Lee, and I’d argue it was an act of manipulation, as she quickly uses the apology to receive praise from Ty Lee. The beach episode is the only soft side we ever see to Azula, and all of her interactions can still be interpreted like my example. Was the comment about Ursa thinking she was a monster a slip of her mask or an attempt to “perform” like the others? We know Azula is a liar, so was she lying when she said ursa was right, or that it still hurt? Or both? And, mind you, I do love how this episode explores azula more closely, but I don’t believe being a nuanced villain makes you a redeemable one. Even as a child, Azula is cruel and takes pleasure in hurting Zuko, and animals, and her friends. She’s a master manipulator who makes friends through fear and intimidation. Imo, the only reason she doesn’t actually kill someone is because Avatar was technically a kids show, though that sure as fuck didn’t stop her from threatening multiple peoples lives. There is no action of Azula that signifies an ounce of good in her.

She was abused

1) a tragic backstory isn’t the be all end all of whether or not a character’s redeemable, and 2) So was Zuko. And probably Iroh and Ozai, and probably Azulan. The fire nation royal family is fucked up. Even if Azulan was a “good” father to Ozai and Iroh he was still a dictator who was grooming them to take over.

Having Azula be a puppet in her fathers game was an incredibly mature route for atla to take. Once again, it adds depth with a realistic take for Azula’s villainy. Very rarely are individuals born evil (enter nature v nuture debate here). Some of the worst people to ever exist were victims of abuse and neglect to varying degrees. Once again, though, this doesn’t suddenly render Azula open to redemption. And from a storytelling perspective, there’s parallels between Ozai and Iroh and Azula and Zuko.

Ozai continued the cycle of abuse, Iroh broke free from it, Zuko ended it, and Azula was broken by it. These are all things that happen in real life.

She’s 14

Oddly enough this is the argument that baffles me the most. I know I just said a whole lot about real life vs fiction, but I’m gonna pull the fiction card on this one. I can suspend belief with these characters and their ages. I don’t think any 12 year old could function after waking up from a coma and finding out his entire people were slaughtered and that he only had like, six months to save the world, regardless of his upbringing and power set. I also don’t think any 14 year old could lead a trio to infiltrate a city state, outsmart the shadow leader of said city state, and manipulate and entire little army for her favor.

There’s just a point where you have to suspend belief. The characters of avatar are fantastic, but are not realistic portrayals of people in their age group. Azula could be 14 as easily as she could be 25 and nothing about the narrative would change. The same is true for the rest of the main characters- even Aang, as youthful and fun loving as he is, also has more emotional maturity than anyone in the gaang, and more than most adults i know. If you want a realistic example of a child working through trauma, try Lilo from Lilo and Stich. Not anyone from Atla

Not everyone needs a happy ending.

This is ultimately what it comes down to for me. I like Azula as a villain. I like Azula as a villain who stays a villain and who is driven insane by power and paranoia. I like Macbeth. Azula is a tragedy- and that’s what I like.

So there ya have it folks. That’s my take. I’m writing this at five am with very little sleep, so please forgive typos and whatnot. I feel like maybe I haven’t explained everything the way I wanted to, but I can’t stop thinking about this, and the great thing about this show is that it’s fun to keep thinking about.

[missanabanana]

If anyone ever sees this it'll probably get alot of hate, and tbh im not really looking for a discussion just trying to get this off my chest, but I don't hate the John Walker character from FATWS.

And it just doesn't make sense, up until he straight up murdered that guy I had nothing against him.

He got put in a strange new role that no one could guide him and no one knew the rules to it, and Sam being mad at him was petty, like you gave it up man, and yeah you thought no one was going to use it, so it sucks the military lied to him, but then he should have been mad at the military and brought it up with them not doing everything to undermine John walker

Which is another thing that is against him, not only is he in a role that he didn't choose, didn't sign up for, was picked for and as a good military person said yes and did his duty, but the only two who properly worked the first Captain America, and most likely have a lot of respect in the military treat him like garbage.

They are facing a threat that is international so technically avengers level, and John now has that clearance with the shield, and they are giving him nothing, and he is doing everything by the books and trying to be respectful but they keep treating him like crap.

So yeah he starts to crack, you see home become ruder and more curt to them, like damn I would too

Then he gets his *** handed to him, and the not even soldiers line makes me feel bad, like given this impossible role, and he doesn't feel like he lives up to it already, but then when facing threats he should be able to take down, like regular people, he still fails and that, that just sucked

And up till then i really had no issue with him, even the wanting the serum part, like duh, he's facing insane threats and insane expectations, like it makes sense, likes Sam you fly, and have an ai robot, ofc you don't want nor need the serum( love Sam tho don't get me wrong) and he has a Frisbee

So right up till then no issues, but he's murdered someone, and honestly haven't even finished 6 cuz im really mad at how they treat him, but yeah what he did was awful, but the way Carly murdered his friend( and also burned that whole building of people, that sicko) and looked like a scared baby (which they did for a reason) and then he gets upset by his friends murder and they decided to villianise him sucks

Im losing my train of thought, anyways, John suck but only and only because of the murder, and its not because he murdered a man but the how, it wasn't in the heat of battle, but he chased him down just to get revenge (and yeah his best friend died) and it was also a really cruel way to die

But other than that he was wasn't awful, and then on top of that how Sam and James took back the shield was disgusting and just brings back the feeling bad for him, like he knew what he did was wrong , they should've gone back to the us and let them deal with it, he probably would have, but they only thought of the shield and broke his arm

And yes he was dangerous at that point, and should disarm him, but still they did it awfully

Also if it was Steve, like still alive and someone had just killed bucky like that and he went off to finish the job aint nobody was gonna be this pressed, which I totally get, we know Steve so people like Steve, but i find people refused to give walker a chance from the get go and looking for every chance to villianize him and that sucks

It also sucks that this is how they are trying to make Sam captain, like firstly i think its useless because he is falcon and i think he is great at that and shield doesn't go with the look, but like they are obviously tearing this character down just to build his and that's jut lame writing, Sam coming into on his own would have made for a much better story, or even the guy being great at his job but realising he didn't really earn this shield and having Sam take it back would have been great

Anyways i don't love John walker, i think hes kinda a goody two shoes character, and those have never been my fave, but i think he was well written and could make for a great bad guy later in if this is how they want it, and i know that sounds contradictory, but i don't need to love a character not to hate him, he was kinda boring, so it was neutral at the beginning, and while i think he leans more in the good guy lane, a lot of great villians come from good guys, so while villianising from the get go is stupid imo because he really wasn't, but since the show so obviously wanted him to be a bad guy to make Sam look better (which is so lame- also again i like Sam) then they did it poorly, that part where he's talking to Lamar about their badges and he knows while he did it for his country it was still awful actions, was a great insight and could have definitely be used later on, especially after Lamar's death, like he's done all these 'good things' and at what cost, his conscience, his friend's life? And then he goes bad, that would have been so much more interesting to see

Anyways he's obviously now the villain and from now out i don't think there any redeeming, but from the get go? Yall was wrong to hate, or at least i don't think he deserved all of that hate.

Also side note to that Carly remark its sucks they villainies John instead of the real villain, and are trying to make us sympathetic to her, but again they want to make John the ultimate baddie in this, so they can't have any other really bad villains, which is in an interesting way to go, but again it sucks because this is how they are building up Sam to be captain America and again I find that weak.

Like i said I haven't even finished 6 so who knows how worse he gets, also this is my opinion regarding the show, not anything to do with how he is in the comics, idc if he blows up the moon in the comics and is the ultimate villain, in this show, he had real potential to be a boring good guy character

If anyone sees this please don't give me hate this is my opinion on a poorly written character arc, for a character that i think doesn't deserve half the hate he gets, i really don't want to discuss this but if anyone does, give me some constructive criticism not blataint you're wrong, also don't come for my spelling or grammar, i didn't care that much

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

idk if u care but crispin gray recently had an interview about his entire career and it kind of changed my perspective of queenadreena…idk if for better or for worse lol. it was weird to see him so dismissive of a lot of his catalogue w katie except for ‘love your money’ just because that was the only remotely chart successful song. i get you want to be able to sustain yourself but jeez him and katie really had a weird back and forth relationship

Sorry i'm replying late, i've seen the interview pop up on Youtube but honestly i was too invested in university shit recently & generally not in the good mood for that but i'm planning to watch. How did it change your view on Queen Adreena, did he say something mean specifically on QA or Katie? I mean i gotta watch it but honestly? Not surprised in the slightest. A few years ago he was asked to describe fave songs he recorded throughout the years and he listed more of Daisy Chainsaw ones than anything else, with Love Your Money as number 1. The differences in their points of view are real something, Katie Jane absolutely HATED Love Your Money, same as Daisy Chainsaw. Kinda apparent he wanted bigger fame but DC dropped fast and QA failed to live up to their predictions.

i had a time when i liked to dig up old Queen Adreena interviews that are lost in the old internet & generally not available for years (which i planned to post on is-she-suffering but my investment in that site is... varied in its intensity). Also that was back in the days when i wrote Queen Adreena book during manic phase and tried to sell it but lost motivation Well since i don't do anything with that knowledge anyway i'll put what i know here as i love fan discussions

So they sure had/have odd back and forth love-hate relationship & that's the reason why their career went how it went. There's been a huge tension between them at some point. I'm sure you know she had a major mental breakdown (probably schizophrenic episode) after Daisy Chainsaw, or even beginning before her leaving, and then she went into isolation and lived with an old woman in Lake District for awhile. She left Daisy Chainsaw cause Crispin didn't want her to come up with her own songs (all of DC was by Crispin except for Lovely ugly brutal world by KJ).

They almost split up as Queen Adreena after Drink Me. The material for The Butcher and The Butterfly was written at different times, originally it was meant to be called Atom Bomb at Bikini but it was constantly delaying and they eventually recorded everything they've got live. So that's obvious right? But i was surprised to find out they were writing songs separately. Some of them (i forgot which though) were written by Katie Jane and Pete Howard's sons band (they're even credited) + some with Melanie Garside, Richard Adams + some other musician. Katie Jane didn't like it. They intended it to be their last album at the time. She also hated live at ICA show but they released it cause they were broke

But that's a digression. I just wanna say that at this point they were done with each other but kept pushing it. Katie had her own art projects and stuff, Crispin started Dogbones with Nomi and i just remember how vaguely pissed at Katie he waas in the interviews. Like he stressed that Dogbones is his number one priority and if Katie wants to do something with Queenadreena, she must wait til Dogbones have a break first or something, and it sounded oddly bitter.

RaCH and Djinn era are just so weird, they had opportunities but let them go in a way. I don't think many people know but they were huge demand in Japan. They entered album charts and were interviewed by 11 magazines and 6 (!)TV stations there (wtf happened to that material i want to know???). But they only played 5 times or less.

Katie said she considers the band dead but they decided they can try to play for a couple more months. But aside from that she 100% lost the interest in the band around Djinn. There's an interview where she says "the overall image is Crispin but the shape will change again at rehearsals". And you can hear it, it’s more blues rock than anything. IMO it's their worst production wise. Instruments are fine but Katie's voice is so badly produced that sometimes i find some songs fucking irritating, cause they didn’t cut out her breaths and the vocals are TOO LOUD, to the point of distorting. As if she stands too close to the mic. The album is fine but it feels unfinished.

And here we come back to Crispin... here's what he said after the QA split:

Why the Dogbones started? “I needed to work more than the previous band I was in was working, the previous band who shall remain nameless, haha… um… Queenadreena. I wanted to work more than the singer of Queenadreena wanted to work… so that’s why it started. Fine by me… but I really like to be in a band, I’m not a solo project kind of guy. The last album (‘Djin’) did come out in the UK, but it was so low key because Katie kind of disappeared so there was little point in promoting it. Personally it’s my favourite by far so it was a shame but there you go… So here are Dogbones, it’s not been an easy ride but we are trying very hard.

Ok so the bitterness is kinda apparent isn't it. I think there were two reasons why they argued so much, first musical differences. Katie at some point lost interest in loud rock music for some years and went the folk way in Ruby Throat. I have a theory that Taxidermy and Drink Me are more influenced by Katie Jane and Butcher and Djinn are more Crispin. During first albums i think Katie more actively took part in music composition and choosing arrangements. She wrote lyrics, melodies but also composed a lot of songs on some little electronic keyboard thing and 4 track (Heavenly Surrender, Pray for me, My Silent Undoing, all Lalleshwari +more). Plus she wanted more peaceful/dreamy sound on Taxidermy than full on rock, Crispin complained about it in some 00's interview, that he'd like it to be more rock. Then there are 2 versions of Drink Me, the original has rough and alt versions of songs (it was sold by Katie and it's leaked on FB and probably YT). Crispin Gray apparently really hated the final Drink Me. Now next album is The Butcher & The Butterfly and it's more standard blues rock, no more crazy dreamy things of previous albums etc., Djinn is even more blues rock but darker. Djinn was his favourite at some point while KJ hated Butcher, not sure about Djinn. So i think they had different views on where they should go, Katie made her weird simplistic creepy tunes (like Lalleshwari) and folk melodies adding that strange things to noise rock. Crispin probably wanted blues & rock.

Other than that, i’m convinced they are bitter exes, lol. There’s been rumours about them dating during Daisy Chainsaw for years, plus Katie had a history of dating band members. Crispin wrote X-ing off the days about her. I don’t know if they dated again in Queen Adreena. Then there’s this interview, timeline is unclear, either The butcher & the butterfly or later:

„Katie writes all the songs herself and often looks for melodies and structure with the drummer. With Crispin - her husband or ex-husband, which is not entirely clear to me - for almost three years she has no longer been in a room. "Sometimes we send him a letter with a new song and that's all we can do. All we have are our lungs and our musical talent and we have to do with it. It is repugnant difficult life, I know most of the time how I should deal with it." But Queenadreena will still remain even exist? "I think so, we are now pretty busy and I see where the ship aground.”

I always wondered what exactly happened after Djinn, i’ve seen Katie Jane say „i think they gave up on me” while others said she disappeared. Other times CG said there’s no bad blood between them but at the same time there’s been some weird tension.  As of recent i thought they reconnected somehow through the internet and had a good relation but who really knows.s

I get why Crispin gets irritated when people compare everything he does to „stealing from KJ” but honestly, he gave them good reasons, at least in the 90’s. I can believe Starsha Lee singer isn’t copying Katie cause she’s from Brazil or something and she didn’t know Queen Adreena before. But everything else… Crispin’s problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. He spent 90’s chasing something, tried singing himself, had girl singer replacements and even one KJ copy. Dogbones was ironically his most original non-Katie band, even with all their grunge influences. In a way he wants to be a frontman and at the same time doesn’t. Idk if he’s very controlling, but Daisy Chainsaw shows he valued his songs/lyrics first & in Queen Adreena he had to step back a lot, cause Katie’s condition was she would be in charge of the lyrics. I don’t think he realizes how strongly Daisy Chainsaw issues affected Katie, i mean from her own words you can read that aside from media attention/hate, her being unable to write lyrics had a role in her breakdown. I think she now let go but for years she hated remembering Daisy Chainsaw and she felt kind of worthless cause she was only somebody else’s mouthpiece. I’m not trying to say he’s cruel or anything, but i firmly believe rock lyrics writers should sing their own songs or else there are problems.

They both were writers-composers with different vision and i have impression they struggled a lot while shaping their songs, cause they both stuck to their ideas. Hence 2 versions of Princess Carwash maybe. Katie once said that he „gets terribly upset with her” cause she writes her songs on a simple wind organ and uses a few chord buttons only. Clash of writer ways/personalities/egos and at some point they had to let go.

Maybe he prefers music/bands where he was 100% in control including lyrics (note he wrote/sang some lyrics in Dogbones too). Daisy Chainsaw achieved bigger success US and UK wise as they were offered to play Top of The Pops, and they’re more well liked/remembered by „general alt public”. Queen Adreena however is way more valued as a cult band, with cult following and admiration in UK & France. Most people think Pretty Like Drugs and other QA songs are his best work and he probably finds it irritating cause truth is, he never managed to be more successful than Daisy Chainsaw/Queenadreena. Love Your Money is ironically the least Crispin Gray/DC/QA sounding song in my opinion. I kinda find it irritating that he downplays Queen Adreena cause it was probably his best work in this band but whatever

So yeah sorry for the word spill, that’s what i can think of it right now but as i said, i haven’t watched the interview yet, it’s just this kind of treatment is in a way consistent for him

[depressedoverdrawings]

Can you hear the tumult of our youth?

KazeKi is the first romance I’ve ever enjoyed, or rather, that I emotionally connected with, as “enjoy” is a funny word choice for a work that made me feel so miserable. Personally, I’ve never enjoyed media that focuses on relationships and love, were they movies, TV, or literature.

But after I discovered KazeKi, I found myself drawn to it, almost involuntarily so. It was as if a spell had been cast. I suppose what superficially drew me in, at first, was the art. It had the charm of retro manga (I absolutely love retro manga/anime looks, IMO they have so much more character than most modern anime and manga), the nostalgic elegance of the idealized upper-class XIX century, and the unrelenting beauty and cuteness of all the boys.

It was mildly surreal and highly entertaining to witness the seed of so many shounen-ai visual tropes: The flower motifs, the flowery poetry, the impossibly pretty boys in dramatic embraces and breathy kisses, the aggressive frenchness of it all. Even it was shocking to me how these elements, instead of striking me as the tired, sappy tropes I saw them as, were now all genuine and beautiful, somehow. Even those silly sparkles around pretty boys seemed fitting. I realized these weren’t tropes back then, but elements of a sincere artistc vision. However, while the art was mesmerizing to me, I came to realize that what drew me in deeper, and kept me anchored to KazeKi, were the themes explored, and the character-based drama, the very stuff I had always avoided.

Without getting far too personal about it, Kaze to Ki no Uta was the first romance that struck something within me, somewhere personal. Now, I certainly have never faced trauma and pain anywhere near to what poor Gilbert and Serge face in their absurdly depressing story, but I definitely wouldn’t call myself emotionally and sexually resolved and healthy, and once upon a time I was a closeted boy in a catholic school, so I guess there’s space for a little bit of self-identification. My coping mechanism to my personal woes had always been to just bottle them up and distract myself with entertainment and art. And that was exactly what I was doing, browsing music on YouTube, when I stumbled upon the KazeKi OVA’s soundtrack.

I found myself listening to this gorgeous arrangement of a Chopin piece, and thought to myself, staring at the angelic figure looking back at me, across the screen: “Gee whilikers, that’s sure is a pretty drawing of a pretty girl”. Then, after reading the comments, I found out that was a boy. As much as the “draw a girl, call it a boy” school of drawing pretty boys makes me groan, I could still feel it, that first hook of interest, stabbing me. As the slideshow enticed me with pictures of Keiko Takemiya’s gorgeous art, I found myself enamoured by it. It was a particular drawing that made KazeKi finally snatch me: that same boy, lounging angelically on some sort of abstract architectural design; in the background, a neoclassical vase flanked by two neoclassical girls, and, above and below, this stunningly beautiful vegetation. So much care, skill, and good taste, concentrated in just one image! I’d have it as a poster, if I could. So, I googled “Kaze to Ki no Uta”, unwittingly throwing myself in a rabbit hole I could not have prepared myself for. Trying to read it was in itself a journey, but, to sum it up: I managed to read it about as well as one can, if they don’t speak japanese and have no access to the spanish and italian translations.

It had been years since I had started feeling emotionally numb. My most extreme displays of emotion came in the form of quiet, teary eyes, reserved for those rare, impactful pieces of art, and those rarer moments of despair-inducing introspection that I couldn’t manage to suppress, but even those lasted little, as I fought to recover my composure. By the end of Kaze to Ki no Uta, I was a sobbing wreck, doing my best (and failing) to contain my ugly crying. Ugly crying, for god’s sake. I was ugly crying, actually sobbing like a kid, because of an yaoi manga. Crying in the shower, even! What kind of weeb had I degenerated into? It hurt. It deeply hurt, in a way I hadn’t been made to hurt in a long, long while. KazeKi had impacted me to the point that I wasn’t just sad, I was scared too, as the waterfall of emotion opened the path for that deeper, personal darkness to come out. And it did.

Now, I admit I’d been a little bit more emotionally fragile than usual right before I read it, due to the effects of the quarantine and the previous consumption of a highly depressing piece of media: Les Amitiés Particulières, which is probably even more depressing than KazeKi as it deals with a much more grounded homophobia-induced tragedy based in real life. Somehow, it didn’t impact me as much as KazeKi, however. Also, it was definitely what influenced my personal YouTube algorithm to recommend me the KazeKi soundtrack, so I wouldn’t know of KazeKi if it weren’t for Amitiés. But even then, it felt unnatural to, well, feel so much. I hadn’t felt this invested in and attached to fictional characters ever since I was a little kid, too young to realize those people in the TV weren’t real. In the following couple of weeks, I was crying over these boys, spending whole days feeling like trash, feeling mild anxiety spikes whenever I remembered about KazeKi, having (even more) difficulty falling asleep, and utterly failing to avoid thinking about my deep-seated intimate issues, all because of these dumb, pretty anime boys. Not even my trusty prayer of “they’re not real people, stop being stupid” worked. In an attempt to stop wallowing in this shounen-ai hell, I decided to consume a whole lot of escapist media while I deliberately avoided any activity related to KazeKi, be it reading the manga, listening to the OVA’s soundtrack, looking at fanart, or even just thinking about it. It “worked” for a month or so, but now I’m back here, wallowing in KazeKi’s painful beauty again, stalking the other seven people in the western world that seem to care about KazeKi, and distilling my thoughts in this bizarre textwall, in an attempt to work it out. If you’re one of those seven people, please don’t refrain from talking to me, if you feel like it! I’ve had just one opportunity to have a conversation about KazeKi, and it was in YouTube comments, for heaven’s sake. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m this afflicted by KazeKi due to its unrelenting, merciless, cruel beauty. Everything about it is presented in this assembly of pure beauty and lost perfection, this painful nostalgia that is present in its aesthetics of an idealized Europe which lives only in its surviving art, that is present in the story which ultimately tells us of the loss of love, and is present in the fact that the whole story is a broken man’s reverie about the past. Tragedy might make me sad, but tragedy with beauty will destroy me. Bittersweetness is just so more cruel than bitterness. And it was this masterpiece of sadistic bittersweetness that permanently broke something in how I deal with my emotions. Kaze to Ki no Uta touched me deeply, to the point of leaving a permanent impression, I’m afraid. I can count in one hand the pieces of art that have punched my soul in the face like KazeKi did. I am honestly flabbergasted over the effect it had over me. At first I felt embarrassed over being emotionally obliterated by a freaking shounen-ai, but I’ve since come to the conclusion that KazeKi is a work of art, a genuine, sincere work of art, deserving of the title. Now I just hope I’m not alone in being emotionally obliterated by this freaking shounen-ai. After everything they went through, the personal fights, the shaky development of their relationship, the undeserved ostracism at Lacombrade, Auguste’s demonic persecution, the escape; how could it be that Gilbert’s life would end in such a horrible way, and that Serge would be left alone to face the full, unbearable weight of his grief! Why?! Keiko Takemiya, you’re a vile sadist. You’re a genius, too, of course. But you’re a vile sadist.

I knew that a happy ending wasn’t going to happen. The horrible ending was a pretty early spoiler, really. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t stop myself from reading on anyway, and I couldn’t stop myself from having an inkling of illogical hope. Even if my logical self knew a happy ending wasn’t gonna happen, it couldn’t prepare me for just how tragically their love would end, and how awful it all would feel, once I knew their full story.

It’s all the more bitter because of how close Serge came to saving him, too. Having escaped together to a place where they could’ve built the nearest thing to a normal life a gay couple could have, back then. But in the end, not even Serge’s love could mend Gilbert’s mutilated soul. Those boys deserved so much better, especially Serge. Serge, you sweet angel! You were created to suffer.

KazeKi really is a masterpiece in how it explores its extremely heavy themes and the minds of its characters, and how it flawlessly meshes that with perfect art. There are many moments in KazeKi that haunt me: Serge letting that bird go, Serge’s vision of Gilbert at the Lacombrade grounds, Gilbert running into the carriage, angel wings behind him; Serge laying alone on the bed in Room 17. I cannot look at those pages without tearing up and feeling this horrible feeling in my heart, and this feeling is literal: My heart actually feels heavy and constricted when I think about it, it can’t be healthy. Up until now, I thought “cri evrytiem” was just a meme. KazeKi has woken me up to the fact that bottling up one’s own personal issues will inevitably end with them exploding out, leading to something much, much worse. I am scared by the prospect of facing my personal issues. To me, they are horribly strong, and seem incredibly hard to solve, if they’re even solvable at all. I’m horrified by the prospect of facing them, working to solve them. I’m so scared, that simply thinking about it, right now, gives me this awful weight in my chest, and makes me want to cry, again. But I know now that I have no choice in this matter, as the only alternative is that abyss I dare not speak of, and one cannot return from. Melodramatic? Yes. But I did just read Kaze to Ki no Uta.

Thank you for getting this far, whoever you are.

I’m forever haunted by Serge’s words to his long-gone Gilbert, right at the beginning:

“Gilbert Cocteau, you were the greatest flower to ever bloom in my life. In the faraway dreams of youth, you were a bright red flame, blazing so fiercely… You were the wind that stirred my branches. Can you hear the poem of the wind and trees? Can you hear the tumult of our youth? Oh, there must be others who so remember their own days of youth…”

[makeste]

Idk, I remember deku being actually okay with abandoning the hero dream literally seconds before all might showed up to offer, all might saying both before and after choosing deku that you can't be a hero without a quirk, and aizawa saying that it's more cruel for their dream of being heroes to end halfway (aka quirkless bakugou) rather than kick them out before they start (quirkless deku if it had stayed that way)... it's not balanced. deku never *actually* had to deal with it, ofa was there

anon if I’m being honest I’m not 100% clear on your argument here. you talk about Deku having to face the possibility of never having a chance to pursue his dream, but then you say that he never had to deal with it? he spent ten years of his life dealing with it. no one believed in him at all (except for one person, whose response to believing Deku might be capable was to furiously suppress that thought and go out of his way to degrade Deku at every turn because the thought that he might be capable made him afraid). he had to believe in himself. he had to try and press on even though everyone kept telling him it was impossible. he had to deal with the potential loss of his future at a time when he should have been the most hopeful for it.

and he was never okay with it. when all hope seemed lost, after even All Might, the hero he looked up to the most, told him it was impossible, he tried to convince himself that it was all right, even though we can clearly see from the expression on his face that this is a soul-crushing blow for him.

I assume you’re actually talking about the panel towards the end of the chapter, where if you take the scene out of context, it does look like he’s a little more hopeful about trying to move forward:

but the thing is, this expression isn’t because he’s finally come to terms with being quirkless. this expression is because Katsuki just finished running up to him and being all “HEY DEKU!! I NEVER ASKED YOU TO SAVE ME YOU STUPID NERD GRR” before doing an about face and stomping off, which was as close to a thank you as Deku was ever going to get from this version of Katsuki at this particular point in time. this face is because he’s happy that Katsuki is alive and that they were both saved. and in the immediate aftermath of that, it probably seems silly to be worrying about things like whether or not he can become a hero like he always wanted. but that doesn’t mean he’s actually made his peace with it. there’s no way he went from the pain we saw in that other scene above to him just all of a sudden being totally fine with it just like that. it’s just that after this point he literally never has a chance to think about it again, because that’s when All Might shows up and is all “I know this is going to sound like an impossibly fantastic coincidence, but what if I told you that I, the hero you’ve admired all your life, could give you my quirk? :D” and Izuku is all “:O” and so our story begins lol.

but the fact that he eventually, after ten years, finally did get a quirk (which broke all his bones and inadvertently set him on the path of being hunted down by a homicidal maniac whom All Might mistakenly thought was dead) doesn’t negate the ENTIRE CHILDHOOD he had of not having one and being treated like an outcast and an object of scorn or pity because he didn’t have one. he absolutely did have to deal with it. he had to deal with it during the formative years of his life. and he had to do it alone, without anyone there to mentor or guide him. even the people who cared about him still dismissed him. he was completely written off from the age of four, and he dealt with it entirely on his own. so I have to disagree with the point I think you were getting at, anon. it is unbalanced, but in this instance the one who undoubtedly got the short end of the stick was Izuku, not Katsuki. Katsuki will be all right. and Katsuki, unlike Izuku, will not be alone, and he will have people who still believe in him. one person, at the very least.

also, just a side note, this idea of balance/imbalance in terms of How Much Suffering They Each Have To Go Through is kind of straying from the point imo! because that makes it sound like a punishment being handed down unto Katsuki from above. “you are hereby sentenced to one hundred years of quirklessness for being a jerk to Deku in middle school.” him losing his quirk isn’t about fairness, or penance, or about equalizing him and Deku; it’s about him experiencing something from a perspective he was never able to have before because he was privileged. characters grow through their experiences. and just like Izuku grew through his, Katsuki will grow through his own, if and when it does happen. and he will either get his quirk back in the end (which, let’s be real, is far more likely to happen than not), or he’ll figure out how else to Not Lose to this, because that’s what he does. anyways but in any event we’re still just talking about an as-of-yet totally hypothetical situation so let’s just see what happens.

[sayruq]

Sansa Appreciation Week 2020

Day 6: Sansa’s Antagonists

cersei is THE antagonist in sansa's story imo, more than joffrey, littlefinger, tyrion, etc. she had the most impact on sansa and sansa had a lot of impact on her.

in the beginning cersei played the gracious and beautiful queen and sansa was starstruck. cersei invited her out to tea which is a big deal because not everyone gets to meet the queen. on the show, cersei gives sansa a nickname and seems very fond of us, winning sansa over almost instantly.

then cersei demanded that lady, sansa's direwolf, be killed and her fur given to her. lady is particularly gentle for a wolf and wasn't even present when joffrey was bitten, her death was unnecessary and cruel. every stark is connected to their direwolf, sansa bonded very strongly with lady to the point where she started flaunting rules slightly. lady's death traumatised sansa deeply and she grew to hate cersei, blaming her, joffrey and arya for what had happened.

then sansa witnessed robert yelling at cersei publicly. it was obvious that cersei was humiliated and judging by joffrey's reaction, it wasn't the first time. sansa began to sympathise with cersei the way very few people did. she also began to realise that she was going to be married to joffrey and staying in king's landing for the rest of her life and in order to be comfortable and not fearful of that, sansa began placing all the blame for lady's death on arya alone. this led to sansa seeing cersei as an ally when ned, without explaining himself, broke the betrothal and decided to send sansa back home to winterfell where she would be the odd one out again.

cersei used sansa's desperation to imprison. then she began pressuring and subtly threatening sansa into writing four letters. still sansa bravely begged for mercy for her father in front of the court despite cersei’s obvious disapproval. ned was excuted and sansa became cersei’s hostage.

cersei began acting as a twisted surrogate mother. she was in charge of sansa's clothes and food but unlike catelyn she didn't arrange for sansa's education to continue. she also shared her wisdom with sansa  but was also prepared to kill her. cersei arranged sansa's wedding, made her wedding dress and even delivered her to the sept though she never bothered to warn sansa and even threatened to have her dragged there. historically, young noble girls are sent to older noble women to act as servants so they can learn how to run a household. cersei does not bother with practical lessons, instead she tells sansa that the world is awful and accidentally helps develop sansa’s ethos. despite this she thinks she was quite generous with sansa.

sansa ends up living cersei's marriage to robert, only robert knew better than to have tywin's daughter beaten publicly. joffrey internalised his father's behaviour and he has been told by cersei that kings answer to no one. this led him to publicly abusing sansa though curiously not in his mother's presence. in fact tyrion used cersei to curb joffrey's behaviour. everyone in the king's courts, lords, courteiers, knights and kingsguards, laughed with joffrey when sansa was humiliated and no one spoke out except tyrion, the king's hand, but that doesn't have the same impact as cersei finding out.

but the thing that makes cersei and sansa such an interesting dynamic is that sansa is an existential threat to cersei, it’s not just cersei’s life but everything cersei wanted and everything cersei is. sansa's entire outlook on life was changed but she was able to adapt and escape. cersei on the other hand is doomed because she forced sansa into her life. sansa carried the poison that kill joffrey leading to cersei spiral into paranoia and alcoholism. this led to cersei being removed from power and brutalised by the faith militant. kevan and pycelle were killed by varys specifically to trigger cersei which will (unfortunately) lead to the deaths of her two other children. jaime is more pre-occupied with sansa for the sake of his honor than with cersei's safety. in the end, whether in king's landing or casterly rock, cersei is going to die.

the impact sansa and cersei have had on each other in undeniable which is why cersei is my favourite antagonist.

[bigskydreaming]

To be perfectly honest, my biggest issue with handwaving away Bruce’s worst behavior with his kids as bad writing is it results in not only Dick being expected to fix or compensate for his own father’s badly written bad behavior for the sake of his siblings in canon.....but ALSO throws Dick under the bus by making him solely responsible for the canon problems he’s stuck fixing, as if HE’S the reason those problems exist, not Bruce.

This is a huge part of the problem with how he’s written in fandom imo and it desperately needs addressing.

Example:

Bruce fires Dick in various canons, is unsympathetic and unyielding resulting in Dick leaving in frustration, callously gives his name to Jason.

Canon results: Dick eventually comes back on his own, takes all initiative in repairing his relationship with Bruce, the one broken by his father’s canon bad behavior, and puts aside his initial resentment of his feeling replaced by Jason, for Jason’s sake.

Fandom spin, because fans don’t like seeing Bruce written as this poor a father: mitigating the reasons Dick left in canon by mixing and matching continuities so sometimes Dick left because he gave up Robin on his own, thus also had little reason to be upset Bruce gave it to Jason, or else generally just de-emphasizing Bruce’s firing of Dick in favor of emphasizing his bad behavior with Jason thus rendering Dick unsympathetic and leaving readers unconcerned with what made him leave in the first place.

Or another example:

Bruce hits Dick, blames him for Jason’s death and kicks him out of the Manor telling him to leave his key with Alfred.

Canon results: Dick retreats to the Titans and avoids Gotham and Bruce while Bruce gets excessively more violent and reckless as Batman, leading to Tim seeking Dick out and begging him to return as Robin, and while Dick refuses to do that, he IS at least motivated to return to Gotham to check up on Bruce, leading to him and Bruce being endangered by Two-Face, rescued by Tim as Robin, and Tim then becomes Robin with Dick’s approval and help, leading to Dick returning to Gotham more regularly to help with his training and thus by extension resulting in his relationship with Bruce slowly repairing over time, with Tim often credited as being the reason Dick and Bruce started talking again.

Of course, this also means (unacknowledged) Dick once again took the initiative in regards to repairing his relationship with Bruce...while Tim might have been the catalyst, all of the above nevertheless required that Dick yet again put aside his legitimate grievances with his father and his actions towards him, forgive and forget regardless of the fact that like with his firing, while Bruce may at times express regret for the way things happened or express that he missed Dick, this also never involved or led to Bruce actually apologizing for any of his specific actions or taking accountability for them, as well as forcing Dick to put aside his personal feelings about there being another Robin at all, given that initially in his grief for Jason, he was not at all on board with the idea of him being replaced in any way, or another child similarly being put in potential danger.

Fandom spin, because fans don’t like seeing Bruce written as literally having abused Dick in his grief: Either Dick had simply retreated to the Titans and stayed away from Gotham and Bruce because of his own grief for Jason, in which case Tim really was more responsible for getting him and Bruce to talk again, because he convinced Dick to stop thinking just about himself and realize how this was affecting Bruce too....or else Dick was selfish in his grief and blaming Bruce for Jason’s death, and it took Tim to knock some sense into him....or else Dick just had no patience for Bruce’s grief or else simply no idea how to help him or else stayed away out of guilt, because he felt like Jason’s death was his fault for being ‘a bad brother’ or else simply hadn’t cared all that much about Jason so felt uncomfortable intruding on Bruce’s grief, and either way, not only is this why he wasn’t there for Bruce and why it took Tim to get him to step up, its also why he was so quick and able to be a better brother to Tim this time around, by choice, and also legitimizes Jason’s hurt and resentment about being replaced and no one caring and Dick being a better brother to Tim and more invested than he ever was with Jason.

Or another example, from the Reboot era for some variety:

Bruce loses his shit after seeing Dick die in Forever Evil, and unable to process it well or healthily or react to it or the future threats to Dick because of being unmasked in any other way than get him the hell out of Gotham at all costs, he guilt trips, emotionally abuses, manipulates, victim blames and physically beats Dick into accepting the undercover Spyral mission despite Dick’s extreme protests, almost all of them centered specifically around the effect believing him to be dead will have on the rest of their family.

Canon results: Dick is hung entirely out to dry, with all of his family effectively holding him and only him to blame for their feelings of hurt and betrayal, on the specific grounds that they expect Bruce to make shitty, callous choices like this and by extension they expect Dick, his son, their brother, to be the one to pump the brakes because he knows better, regardless of the fact that Dick is just as desperate for their father’s rarely doled out approval and thus just as vulnerable to going to extreme lengths to please him, those lengths logically being further and further the more desperate and vulnerable he feels....such as being in an intensely vulnerable state post being tortured and feeling guilty and responsible for failing Bruce and his family and friends by getting captured in the first place, the very things Bruce exploited to get him to agree to the mission.

Fandom spin, because fans don’t want to view Bruce as being capable of being so callous and cruel and outright hurtful to his eldest son (often hypocritically given how many MORE fans are completely willing to view the events of RHATO #25 as viable Bruce characterization, in order to milk the hell out of his abusive behavior with preferred family victim Jason, an ‘actual’ abuse survivor and thus thematically more compelling to have been abused by Bruce): All record of Bruce as the motivating factor in Dick taking the Spyral mission is stricken from fandom record by these fans, as are all of Dick’s protests for his family’s sake, ironically the very same points echoed by those characters when they later crucify him for not caring enough about them to take into account how they would feel because of all of this, or just Dick thinking the mission was more important than that anyway.

IN ALL OF THE ABOVE:

Notice how not only is Dick written in canon as being expected or responsible for compensating for Bruce’s worst written behavior in regards to both himself and his siblings.....but when fandom attempts to compensate for Bruce’s worst behavior by ignoring, mitigating or justifying any of his actions or choices in these matters...

It is always, always, ALWAYS additionally at Dick’s expense, as the inevitable end result of removing or lessening Bruce’s own culpability in character conflicts that he himself instigated....is inversely, MORE culpability is heaped on Dick for those same conflicts in order to justify or keep the conflict’s very existence, even if he bore NO initial culpability or responsibility for the conflict in the first place, in canon!

When the core conflict is between two characters, and Dick is one of them and the other, Bruce, is deliberately UPLIFTED on the conflict see-saw so as to raise him out of the depths of badly written canon behavior and restore him to the heights of Good Dad Bruce....of fucking COURSE the extension of that sees Dick dumped down to those same depths of shitty behavior that Bruce was just raised out of, in order to make this possible.

AND IN ADDITION TO THAT....

Notice how in all of those instances, its not just that Dick is spun by fandom to be worse than he is in the actual canon instances....first, fans actively ignore or erase or explain away the EXTRA MILE that Dick was written going, in all of these instances in canon, in order to....compensate for Bruce’s shitty behavior and ‘fix’ what Bruce broke in each instance....

Even BEFORE fans THEN proceed to make Dick go the extra mile in the REVERSE direction, such as when FIRST its ignored that Dick put aside his resentment for Jason’s sake, THEN its added on that Dick was a total asshole to Jason. Or like FIRST its ignored that Dick put aside his legitimate grievances with what Bruce had done to him when Dick went to CONSOLE Bruce in the first place after Jason’s death, in order to help train Tim...THEN its added on that Dick only ‘stepped up’ and patched things up with Bruce because TIM got Dick to see that the father he was avoiding because he kicked him out of his own home NEEDED him. Or like FIRST its ignored that Dick literally, physically FOUGHT Bruce over the fact that Bruce wanted him to do this thing he KNEW would massively hurt the rest of the family...THEN its added on that Bruce didn’t even play much of a role in Dick’s decision at all, definitely not something that Dick actively pushed back against for his family’s sake.

AND THEN.

AND THEN.

On top of ALL OF THAT, fandom repeatedly insists that the reason they go to all of these lengths when ignoring or avoiding addressing Bruce’s worst writing....is because they prefer him being a good dad, and having a good relationship with his sons, including and even especially Dick....and that’s WHY they do all this.

Ie....this is supposedly for DICK’S BENEFIT. In order to make Bruce a better dad FOR him.

So riddle me this.

How the FUCK does it work or make any kind of sense to take a son who has literally been written being abused by his father in canon - WHETHER YOU LIKE TO ADMIT THAT OR NOT - and THEN not only disregard how often canon expects Dick to essentially be the parent canon chooses at times not to depict Bruce as capable of being.....but ALSO actively write Dick as being WORSE than he is in ANY of these canon instances....in order to make HIM the catalyst, instigator or responsible party in these instances that BRUCE initiated....so as to avoid having Bruce be the bad guy.

How do you possibly spin that that’s for DICK’S BENEFIT?

I’ve said before that I don’t have a problem with Good Dad Bruce Wayne in and of itself, that in fact I WANT that, ideally, I WANT him being a good dad to Dick and the others, being good FOR Dick and the others - and I stand by that! 

But when the go-to default method of making this happen always ALWAYS seems to be....’make Bruce better.....by actively making DICK WORSE, so that Good Dad Bruce has an opportunity to actually ride to the rescue in situations that initially, in canon, HE CAUSED, and that DICK had to ride to the rescue on for himself and everyone else, like....we obviously need something for Good Dad Bruce to FIX, to make BETTER, to PARENT....ergo Dick logically has to fuck up some how, NEED Good Dad Bruce to fix it, to tell him its all okay, to make it better in the same way canon expects Dick to make it better for his dad’s fuck ups’.....

Like.

When that’s the modus operandi by which its believed Bruce is being made into or shown as being a better loving, caring, supportive father?

THEN HOUSTON, WE HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.

You fundamentally just can not claim to be making things better, healthier, happier FOR a character....by literally writing that character as WORSE than he is in canon, particularly in specific canon instances like the above.

(And on a personal note, I really really wish the people who were as defensive and protective of Good Dad Bruce Wayne and all ensuing fics, headcanons and meta, could be as aware and understanding of the fact that many fans can and DO relate to various Batkids BECAUSE of canon instances of Bad Dad Bruce Wayne, because THAT’S specifically relatable to some of us, and while that doesn’t preclude us from wanting to see the inverse of that just as badly or as often as you do, it does mean it REALLY FUCKING SUCKS to see the kid we acknowledge as having been abused and neglected at key points in canon....ACTIVELY WRITTEN AS BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HARM DONE TO HIM BY HIS OWN CANON ABUSE.)

[pavlikovskaya]

the secret history live blogged

forever mad that i got spoilered so much on this book.

anyway hello! and welcome to this … shit fest of the secret history by donna tartt aka the biggest letdown of my life

enjoy! i didn’t

ok whaatttt the fuck. he was walked over?? he was packed and squished under ice?? WHAT DID THIS BUNNY GUY DO TO MAKE Y’ALL SO MAD????? istg what the fuck. cruel cruel fate

four against one, i knew y’all were assholes. you sounded like assholes before i even knew what your names were.

i have to say, i’m not a very big fan on the beginning: hello, my name is richard, i am 28, this is my story. makes it sound like he’s in an AA meeting, but i’ll let this one slide.

years at home dispensable like a plastic cup? fictional history and upbringing tales? [*clears throat in relatable*]

my father was mean, my house ugly, my mum didn’t give me attention, must kill someone to cope and serve the aesthetic™ of rejected, unloved child, brooding and mad at the world. got it.

if richard, plain and poor is the one who kills the rich asshole bc he’s a rich asshole, i might relate to him more than i thought.

[*slams book shut*] okay. okay. am i gonna have to google every other phrase in this godforsaken history book or is donna gonna go easy on my ass?

sounds like a university i would love to go to. oh, pardon me, CoLlEgE.

wait, they’d pay him back for the plane if he GOT IN??? and if he didn’t well then what, soz dude, tough luck , such is life, see ya never? makes a lot of sense. should pay him back regardless imo but hey, i had to pay £50 six times to audition at universities who, all six times, rejected me, so.

three days on a bus and arrival at six in the morning? i cannot fathom a worse scenario.

this prof conducts his selection on a personal level rather than on an academic one, said with a note of sarcasm? is he … you know … ?

ahhhh these saucy saucy tea spilling french people, gotta love em. ‘listen, i know i’ve only met you three minutes ago, but i’m bout to spill some serious tea which i must ask you to keep to yourself and never mention for i have some formidable enemies in the literature division, yes, my very own department, but we all actually love each other. you know, in a very shakespearian ‘i shall murder you at the end of the play but for now, let’s make sweet love under the stars as a witch friend of mine who will later murder you watches’ way. all very platonic. but don’t say a word of it.’

who do you think was with morrow when richard came to see him in the lyceum and what were they talking about? GODDAMN IT, this french bastard put me in a gossipy mood.

bunny — short for edmund…….

god, i love a redhead.

richard and me being whipped by francis and his long, flapping black coats, love to see it.

‘pseudo-intellects and teenage decadents abounded and black clouting was de rigueur’ can I enrol ~now~????

francis talks to cats and bunny yells from his window down at the incest twins to stop snogging in the garden. i can’t wait to see which one am I at the end of the book

henry and julian driving off together? do i smell something…. gay?

THEY WRITE WITH FOUNTAIN PENS????? [*flashbacks from my childhood intensify*].

i do not understand most of these references or sentences and if the whole book is like this, i will throw myself out the window in attempted suicide even though i live on the ground floor.

i have absolutely no idea what they’re on about.

hwhat

francis in black cashmere and cigarette smoke brushed past him and almost touched his arm. how bloody delicious is this??

‘give him some flowers and he’ll enrol you.’ ok, julian is definitely the gay prof everyone falls for.

at this stage, i would rater have voted we kill henry, not bunny, but we’ll see.

‘i was tired of being poor.’ [*buys a tie with pictures of men hunting deer on it*] ‘that’s better.’

‘i believe that it is better to know one book intimately than a hundred superficially.’ donna tartt gave me the book and the reason both.

constantly chuckling at the way richard is so completely mesmerised and intimidated by francis to the point that he’ll duck into a doorway to let him pass even though they’re going to the same lesson.

I don’t know how a ‘bostonian voice’ is supposed to sound like so francis will be slightly british in my mind for the rest of the book.

cubitum eamus? cubitum. eamus? CUBITUM?? EAMUS????? OH! GOD! HELP ME! THE SWEET SWEET HOMOEROTIC FORESHADOWING OF IT ALL!!! throwback to when, in a much too similar vein, boris, upon being asked by theo to say something in russian for him, he said ‘fuck you up the ass’. my heart is racing with yearn. i can’t fucking believe i just read this. it’s time to bust out the annotation tabs again.

oh my gooooddd whAt is henry’s problem????? he reminds me slightly of number one from the umbrella academy, but in a meaner, more show-offy, bastardish way that’s supposed to showcase his superior intelligence over all mortals like fuck you, go read harry potter and chill.

‘meke (s.p.) you Wear it’? i take it meke is actually make but what on earth is (s.p.)? google gave me 238 possible definitions for that acronym and, needless to say, i didn’t bother.

i love how donna’s main characters are funny essentially bc they’re bitches towards other people they deem inferior to them in their internal monologues.

if you were drunk and ‘slam-dancing’ at a party, i don’t have to be stuck up or elitist to judge you and hate on you. even less so if you throw your beer in my face.

‘love that jacket, silk, isn’t it?’ ‘yep, my grandfather’s. totally not from that annoying girl in my dorm whose mate your mates beat up at a party last term for shoving camilla and throwing a beer in her face and who probably only gave me the jacket because she wants to fuck me, nope.’

‘let me get that door for you.’ that’s it, that’s the tweet.

when bunny said they should round up the ‘officious fags and burn them at the stake’ i yelled the loudest what the fuck i’ve ever yelled at a book. i can see now why they killed him. and i bet that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

okay, his true colours are starting to show. it’s even more unnerving when i think about the fact that like half of this stuff is supposed to be true.

called it, they’re boning.

i can’t wait until francis locks lips with richard. i am simply tingling for it. i hope he and camilla have a threesome with richard at this country house. oh wait no, they’re all here. eh, maybe another time.

oh, we finally get some juicy inside gossip

if francis and richard don’t fuck in that gorgeous immense library, i will riot.

okay, what’s henry’s deal? he’s nice now? and he’s oddly … interested in/caring towards richard? like who the fuck says ‘i hope you slept well’ without at least a little affection towards them.

AHAHAHAAHA, NOW I GET ALL THOSE MOON LANDING QUESTIONS ON THE TSH RELATED UQIZZES I STUPIDLY TOOK. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS REAL. imagine them lot in present day completely bewildered and confused at the fact that the whole world is in lockdown for some weird fucking reason. this is the funniest shit ever, swear to god.

dogs get heart attacks?

wow they’re being dicks. that shady shit they’re doing’s so fucking rude aajksdhfkfh and to think i had initially thought richard was the ‘leader’ of their group...

okay, they’re either all into bdsm or they’re some odd breed of late vampires who don’t have much of the traits/qualities of ‘classic’ vampires as they have possibly diminished over the centuries as the species was becoming extinct. maybe witches. hm. or occultists. I REALLY DON’T KNOW!!

richard be like ‘what should I tell you?’ well—and this is merely a suggestion—, how about you start with what they’re actually doing when they’re not hanging out with you?????

i can’t wait for bunny to figure/find out richard’s not actually rich and be a dick about it.

two months??? what kind of bonkers winter vacation between terms is that???

is being constantly cold part of the dark academia aestehtic? cos it certainly seems to be.

what the fuck are these (sp)s bunny keeps putting in his letters??

i hope somebody (henry, or maybe francis? as something that would bring them together?) is fake rich too.

ouuuuu here comes the dark, mental stuff.

richard dropped out of drama to study the classics. if we were villains is a group of people studying shakespeare. coincidence? i think not. it is with dread that i think at the possibility that i might like the other more because so far, i can’t say i’m heavily impressed with tsh.

now i’m all for weird, fancy names, but marchbanks is really an odd one. who the fuck looks at their newborn baby and goes ben? nah. tom? no. MARCHBANKS! perfect.

henry winter saves richard from a piping cold winter. ah, don’t bother, i’ll do it myself [*jumps out the window*]

henry dislikes electric lights? smokes cigarettes without filter? reads milton translated into latin ‘just to see if a language with no noun cases could possibly support the structural order he attempts to impose’? can this dude be any more pretentious?

BUNNY! IT’S BUNNY! HE’S FAKE RICH THE BASTARD! ALL THAT ‘oops, forgot my wallet’ BULLSHIT, I THOUGHT IT WAS A TEST FOR RICHARD OR JUST RICH PEOPLE LEECHING OFF OTHERS (why spend yours when you can spend theirs?) BUT NOOOO, HE’S BROOOOKE! AND AN ASSHOLE! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!! serves him right, the asshole (that gay people being burnt at the stake comment really bothered me despite the fact that i laughed). and not only is he broke and leeching off of henry, he leeches in the most shameless, greedy, extravagant and ignorant way, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu fuck out of here.

ha! he got fat the bastard. found some sugar daddy to sustain you during your last month in italy or what?

this rabbit dude sure has some big balls for a broke ass bitch.

‘let me see your head wound.’ vs ‘your arm.’

‘that sort of tension which i, being rather more disinclined that way than not, am quick to pick up on. i had caught a strong breath of it from francis, a whiff of it at times from julian (…)’ sounds like we got another one boys, a straight dude with the best gaydar in the world. that being said, julian is the fakest bitch in the book so far.

this secrecy is killing the ever-loving shit out of me. argentina one way?? whY

lol if you’re gonna steal his book with the intention of having him come back to the apartment and see all that shit, at least don’t put it in such an obvious place where he couldn’t have possibly missed it. for such a smart guy, you sure are dumb, dude.

francis’ mother be like ‘give that bad boy a kiss from me’ and i’m like HE BETTER.

richard the worst liar. just say your mum called for fuck’s sake! you could get your boyfriend in trouble!

cheesecake cover: ‘please do not steal this, i am on financial aid.’ bunny: [*steals it*] the cheesecake: [*sucks*] me: serves you fucking right, pig.

THINKING ABOUT HIS HANDICAP. I’M YELLING. funniest thing donna tartt ever wrote.

i bet they’re all there sat at the table like nothing happened and weren’t supposed to leave anywhere at all.

called it! motherfuckers.

what the hell is going on. are they a gang of assassins or something?

richard: ‘you killed somebody, didn’t you?’ henry: [*laughs as if it was the most ridiculous idea in the world and how could you possibly suggest such a thing*] yep

bunny: gays are weirdly obsessed with food, don’t you think? also bunny: [*gets excluded from the bacchanal because he couldn’t stop eating*]

okay. i can see now why this book started the whole dark academia aesthetic

aight, that’s all good and great (far from it) but WHERE IS MY FRANCIS CONTENT????

going through the motions of hating and liking henry every other chapter.

everybody: [*burning clothes, cleaning the car, running this way and that to get rid of evidence*] francis: aight y’all imma take a power nap real quick cool? cool

there is hardly anything in the world i hate more than loose-of-tongues. bunny and that bitch ass hely from the little friend. god, i want to sock each and every single one of them in their stupid bloody loud mouths.

i want to know, i really want to know if there are any bunny apologists or … s…. s… [*grits teeth*] stans out there. don’t worry, nothing will happen to you, i just wanna talk.

if it’s henry and richard and not francis and richard,,,,, i will riot.

boy this henry guy smokes a lot…. more than me in my prime.

as if this dude reenacted the murder he wasn’t even present at in the lobby of a hotel just to torture henry. i can’t believe this character is still alive and has been for so long.

FINALLY! one francis moment that indicated there will be no more francis moments…. .

funny that, reading the secret history put something into perspective about the goldfinch for me.

i love how richard just casually throws it in there whenever he happens to mention camilla that he loves her and wants to kiss her and that she’s so beautiful and blah blah blah and then it’s never brought up again ever because he’s constantly going on and on about henry.

wait, don’t tell me it’s happening now, in the middle of the book! that would be most unexpected as there’s a whole entire book following.

henry is such a stone cold bitch, i wonder where they put his heart when they made him, in his ass?

don’t tell me henry went boxer dogs on JULIAN?!?!?! he wouldn’t. … would he?

i don’t know. i get it, obviously, the gravity of the situation, but going as far as killing him to silence him is a bit … extreme in my opinion.

thank you, charles, for being the only voice of reason in this madness.

okay, i understand it’s in richard’s best interest not to be involved, but they called him there to what, make him listen to all this and then send him on his merry way?

charles: well, if you wake up intending to murder someone at two o’clock, you hardly think of what you’re going to feed the copse for dinner. [*crickets*] francis: hey, how about asparagus?

henry: someone’s coming. quick! act normal! richard: [*turns to inspect the trunk of a tree*] [*footsteps approach*] richard: [*inspection of tree intensifies!!*]

you’re a bit late, bunny, just saying.

and now what the fuck is the rest of the book about? what do we do, let’s run, let’s stay, let’s go to the police, what do we do with him?

i love how richard describes himself as part of the process: we dwelt on it, we convinced ourselves, we devised plans when in reality, he was only there as an attaché, he wasn’t included much, almost at all in the actual planning process of it other than to give his insight on the poison route because henry thought it was his area of expertise so to speak when, really, it wasn’t and then was told about the other plan because they simply thought he should know. even then henry tells him ‘you can go now, if you like’ because there wasn’t anything they sort of needed him for anymore since he wasn’t going to be there, he was just a pair of ears. i like to think he was there in hopes to maybe dissuade them, try to stop them, tell them how mad it is, tell them there’s another way, but he didn’t do much of that either (not that I think he would’ve succeeded anyway, had he tried, henry’s one stubborn motherfucker). he didn’t come up with shit, he wasn’t supposed to even be there, i think, much less contribute in any way. had bunny not told him about the bacchanal, richard would have probably found out about it after it was already done, he was only included for the fucks of it and yet, he talks as if he was right there in the room with them, brainstorming ideas how to kill him. and i get how it only comes from a sense of obvious guilt because he knew about it, he was there and didn’t do anything to stop it, but he’s by far not one to have agreed to the whole thing or condoned it in any way from what he’s told us in book one. he himself says in the very same paragraph that he only watched. he’s very much a dark academia nick carraway type of character and i hate it. because i like him. he deserves better.

i’m pretty sure that the reason that serial killer autobiography you picked up in an airport was bereft of details is because no publishing house would allow such lurid specifications that might shock, disgust, enrage or give ideas to the reader in their book, not because the author is shy, richard, but ok, let’s move on. actually no, let’s not. you can’t expect the autobiography of a killer to only tell you about the murders, especially since in this particular instance, he was caught and went to prison. of course he’s going to tell you more about that than the killings, have you any idea what prison life is like? how much it eats away at your soul? how it crushes your spirit if you have one and how hard it is to get over? the time he spent in jail is going to haunt him forever and after such a long time in there, however long it was, you hardly think about your crime as anything but a huge mistake that was not worth the torment if you’re not a downright psychopath which, since he came out and wrote a book about it, doesn’t seem to be the case here but i guess you’ll find out all about it soon enough.

OH! a francis moment???? could this be it? please dear god may this be it.

it wasn’t, but there’s another one!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

‘it’s fun, i promise you.’ [*dies*]

if this is it, if that’s all, i am not forgiving this book.

‘i tried to pull him out but it was no good; his head lolled back uselessly’ YEAH. BECAUSE HE’S DEAD, RICHARD. [*scoffs*] ‘uselessly’

i wish i held any of my teachers and professors in at least half the high regard henry holds julian. i also wish they were half as competent and passionate about teaching as julian.

I DON’T BELIEVE ‘HE WAS JUST THERE’. IT’S BORIS AND THEO AT 6 AM IN THAT NEW YORK BAR ALL OVER AGAIN. HE’S ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE RICHARD WENT ALL ‘YOU’RE NOT HOT’ ON HIS ASS AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE. if they don’t kiss again—

i can’t help but admire the way they communicate sensitive information to each other in ancient greek, they sound like characters from jane austen novels while talking about drugs and saving face from tabloids and gossip, it’s rather amazing.

quite pointless to go through all that trouble to hide the cigarettes and deny having been smoking when the smell will be there no matter what and she’ll know for sure. i swear, all these seemingly smart ass people are actually idiots

my question is why would anyone, drunk or not, for any reason, leave the top down in the rain? why? what possible pleasure could one get from driving in the middle of the rain with rain actually pouring down on them?

isn’t linoleum a bit tacky for a house that looks like it’s been in architectural digest?

why is charles so on edge? why are they all always hiding??? camilla and her late night 3 am phone calls, her secret phone code with henry, charles mysteriously going out for cigarettes so brusquely without a word in the middle of the night and refusing to talk about it, what are they all always hiding?! nobody trusts one another with anything, it’s very annoying, to be honest. aren’t they supposed to be super best friends? you’d think that after a bacchanal and a double homicide, you wouldn’t keep secrets from one another, but i guess not.

ah, shame. was kind of hoping for some sneaky richard/francis basement action, but alas. what’s their ship name anyway, richis?

i just spoilered myself again, twice, by going through the tsh tag on tumblr and then looking for francis/richard fanfics on ao3 and finding out that francis marries? gets with? a girl who’s apparently called fucking priscilla. donna tartt really has a knack for weird fancy names, huh? i’m here for it tbh

richard you fucking snitch! you had one job!!!!!!

why the fuck are they still keeping him in the dark about shit? henry and charles quarrelled and charles is in jail and henry still won’t tell him what’s so bad about it and why he wants richard to handle all this shit instead of him and why bunny’s murder still matters and why why just why are they still using him as their pawn??

seriously, this exchange was about the worst they’ve had so far. he himself knows it: ‘there was a silence during which I felt acutely the hopelessness of ever trying to get to the bottom of anything with henry. he was like a propagandist, routinely withholding information, leaking it only when it served his purposes.’ THEN WALK AWAY. SAY NO. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. FUCKING—UGH!!!!!!!

they’re all so shamelessly using him… i can’t read. it’ll kill him, one way or another.

these ungrateful little shits i swear to god. richard bails him out, he’s all thankful and sweet when he wants him to do ‘this one little favour’ of taking him to his francis’ house so he can break in and when richard’s like i don’t have a car, he immediately turns sour and passive aggressive like you know what?! richard hasn’t slept all night and all morning waiting for your ass to go to court cos you were a drunken idiot and decided YET AGAIN that driving in that state is a great idea so he can bail you out and when you are finally out, you start being fussy and then it’s all ‘right. thanks a lot’??? richard doesn’t fucking need this shit! y’all are horrible friends. he’s not your bloody servant. how about you take that stick and privilege out of your asses and start treating him a bit more kindly, huh???

‘henry made me swear not to tell.’ WHAT. WHAT. BITCH, GET THE FUCK OUT.

this is by far the most toxic friendship i’ve ever heard of.

oh wow that kiss was hot. i thought it was just a speculation that they were incestuous with each other, but i-i guess not.

FINALLY it gets interesting. Mr Abernathy spilling some piping hot tea mmm

he literally just said i’d sleep with you if you got drunk enough to let me. oh dear god help me.

oh fuck it got sad. It’s patrick and brad all over again ugh always happens to the best of gays

finally richard my boy starts hating them, as he should. except francis, you’re a dick in that respect. he’s only joking for fuck’s sake, don’t get all butthurt, jesus. sensitive much?

uuuuuu tunts Tunts TUNTS! shit is hitting the fan. henry, henry, henry, our ‘golden boy’. nothing but a crook himself, the motherfucker. i’ve been waiting for this reveal since the beginning of the fucking book. if they gang up on him and kill him, i will never stop laughing.

it’s as if he’s begging to be excluded and hated, i swear. why is he being such a prick? does he love her? is that it? then there are a BILLION other ways to go about it, he doesn’t have to be such a shady bitch!! besides, wasn’t he in cahoots with julian?

‘i was depressed, i thought if i slept here it might make me feel better.’ that’s so precious tho….. funny, but precious. such child-like innocence in this grown ass intoxicated man, i melt.

clever, luring him out of the playground under the false pretext of a drink when he’s had plenty. think like a drunk

the only consistent, recurring and ever-present elements in donna tartt’s books are the hors d’oeuvres.

it’s so cute how charles needs him, i—

girls be like: watching a film, listening to a podcast, talking on the phone, having dinner, figure painting, filing nails, writing an essay and doing their makeup all at the same time

this so called love he feels for camilla is so unfounded and feeble and just … it seems so out of the fucking blue every single time he mentions it, i can’t read this shit. IT’S SO SEE-THROUGH!!

okay WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST READ. WHAT. THE ACTUAL. MOTHERFUCKING. FUCK. one second he’s ‘i love her so much’ the next he wants to strangle and rape her?????????????? i have zero goddamn words. i am fucking speechless. i don’t think i have ever been this confused at something since i watched the turning. i don’t think you realise quite how done i am with this fucking book at this point.

i think i do hate henry more than bunny and i’m afraid i’ll like if we were villains better.

richard: [*takes sleeping pills*] also richard: [*surprised he can’t keep up with the film he started watching after taking sleeping pills*]

‘look,’ said francis. ‘let’s just go, if we leave now we can be in montreal by dark. nobody will ever find us.’ vs ‘well, i’m not going,’ said boris serenely. ‘fuck that, i’m running away. do you want to come?’

this henry bitch is the most difficult piece of shit i’ve ever fucking encountered. ‘you mean, it’s something you need to tell me in private?’ oh FUCK OFF AND STEP OUTSIDE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. IT’S ONE THING I ASK OF YOU, YOU TWAT.

huh, i thought he was doing this shit on purpose, leaving the page face down on the table so that julian could see it, i thought it was some sick twisted plan of his.

lmao called it. everybody saw through julian’s façade except richard and the others and i completely understand. in a fashion much like julian’s, i think he knew that, he saw it, but just chose to ignore it because the image he posed and richard himself constructed of him in his mind was much more favourable to what he really was. i mean, fuck, who the fuck says ‘i hope we are all ready to leave the phenomenal world and enter into the sublime’ with their whole chest and mean it?

if you think he’s not coming, why sit in silence staring out the window, ignoring everyone and wasting everybody’s time instead of telling them from the very start this piece of information you have on hand that could save everybody a lot of trouble, time and overthinking? why be all mysterious and enigmatic about it? just tell them from the start, you’re not in a film for fuck’s sake……..

charles, one of the four of them (henry, camilla, julian and himself) might be the one i despise the least, almost like had he not been so brutal towards camilla,,,, but i don’t know if i can trust her, that whole scene seemed … staged somehow. i don’t know. i don’t know

didn’t expect henry would turn on julian too though. first real thing he’s done all book.

agatha

christie

writes

good

mysteries.

richard does seem like the type of fellow who would grow up in a household where his dad would strike his mum for no fucking reason.

okay so did henry punch him for that comment or not? what was all that father beating mother bit for?

#boysweekendinthecountry! 🤪 #partytime! #ignoringourproblems! #woooo!!!

oh my fucking god chARLES!!!

yes, henry, great, brilliant, fucking splendid idea to antagonise the man pointing a gun at you.

MY PAUL SMITH SHIRT!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHASFSHDGFDK

i love how absolutely nobody noticed fucking richard BLEEDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM

‘expected everyone to stop and look at me. no one did.’ and they never will. that’s your whole friendship summed up in two lines. you don’t matter to them, you never did, you’re absolutely unimportant. just a tool, a pawn, a nobody. sorry you had to get shot to realise that.

‘’he shot me.’ somehow, this remark did not elicit the dramatic response i expected. before i had the chance to elaborate—’ ELABORATE WHAT? ELABORATE WHAT?! THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO SAY!! GOD, this hurts to read. this angers me beyond words, but it also fucking hurts so bad…

nothing, not even getting shot can make richard lose his wit

disGUSTING henry and camilla moment. I HATE THEM

oh shit. did not see that coming. well, glad that’s over.

ugh, time to read how francis got hetero married :\

[*chokes*] DUE TO THE VERY EXCELLENT EXCUSE OF HAVING A GUNSHOT WOUND IN THE STOMACH I DIDN’T TAKE MY FRENCH EXAM YAY!!! god, i fucking love Richard.

the thing is, right, i read that line, ‘i managed to get out of taking my french exams the next week’ about three or four times and somehow, the following line or even the words ‘gunshot wound’ never made it to my eyes! i don’t understand how! but i’m completely happy about that given the fact that i spoiler myself on every single book i read by reading ahead like an idiot..

how much do you want to bet that it was the inn keep who called the ambulance and not those fuckers? because of course henry, dead henry’s more important than slowly dying, almost dead but not quite richard.

despite everything, it sounds like he had a nice summer in brooklyn. good for him. god knows he deserved it, the poor guy.

yeah no, fuck henry’s post-mortem hero narrrative.

lol, at least he got a nice car out of it. this book shows me once again that things happen just the way they should happen.

OH MY FUCKING GOD NO. NO. NO. NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT READ. I DO NOT SEE. I REFUSE TO COMPREHEND THIS PIECE OF INFORMATION.

i will not say a WORD on this, much less his letter. i am hurt, i am wounded, i am grieving, my head is full of thots and i cannot speak. i died on this bed.

ugh [*rolls eyes*] this fucking guy again with his sudden, out of my ass declarations of love towards camilla. JUST GIVE IT UP ALREADYYYYYYYY!!! TELL IT TO SOMEONE WHO CARES!!! (francis) i wouldn’t be surprised if she was married or engaged and just didn’t bother to mention it ‘because he never asked’ or some bullshit excuse like that.

I HATE HENRY I HATE HENRY I HATE HENRY I HATE HENRY [*deep breath*] I FUCKING HATE HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s telling me about all these people and where they ended up after graduation but not only do i not give a single solitary fuck, i actually don’t know who the fuck he’s talking about?? like who the fuck is bram guernesnesnica? rooney wayne? what the fuck do i care what jack jud and frank did?

the only people i do remotely care about are the professors (the saucy french teacher and the boring, senile dude who wouldn’t shut up and who kept referring to richard as ‘jerry’ in his grad school recommendations letter ahahah that is the content i signed up for, not dumb and dumber’s bar or whatever) and the cat charles left at francis’ country house who lives in a ten fucking room apartment in boston.

love how ionic the whole marion storyline turned out to be. marred another corcoran who looked just like bunny and had a daughter who, despite having her and his mother’s name ended up being nicknamed also bunny. i’m sorry, i just—i have to laugh.

[*slams fists on the table*] THE AGENTS??? YOU’RE GONNA TELL ME ABOUT THE BLOODY FBI AGENTS???!!!!!! CAN THIS BOOK PLEASE JUST FUCKING END ALREADY??????!!!!!!!!

a dream. a dream. if it’s a dream of henry i will personally shoot you and make sure i aim a little higher than your abdomen this time.

[*shoots the book*]

oh, you died and suddenly you have a sense of humour?

‘that information is classified’ [*shoots a torpedo at the book*]

‘are you happy?’ / ‘not very.’ vs ‘are you happy here?’ / ‘not particularly.’

okay. so. final thoughts: fuck this book.

good night

[hamliet]

MXTX Ladies’ Week: Girls, Goddesses, and Ghosts

After writing about Scum Villain’s female cast here and MDZS’s here, it’s time to write about Heaven Official’s Blessing’s female cast... which is actually smaller than the other two in quantity but imo, in quality, is far greater. Most of the women do not die, and several have fantastic arcs. They’re allowed to be kickass, to make their own decisions, to be morally flawed, to be extremely feminine, to be emotional, to be ugly, and to even be villains--and the whole while, the story depicts them with empathy.

So let’s start with the mortals. This is again more a ramble than a direct meta. 

The Humans:

Me, skipping happily into TGCF, immediately loving one character, and her dying like ten chapters in:

Yes, I’m talking about Xiao Ying. I also realize I said that most of TGCF’s female characters don’t get killed off, so I’m not leading off with a convincing argument (she is the only one who really does). 

Little Ying’s role in the narrative is as a parallel to Xie Lian and a way to introduce the main themes of the story, which her arc encapsulates. A teenage girl who is noted to be physically unattractive, she’s introduced to us praying to Feng Xin for protection. The god who she prays to for protection from whomever is stealing the brides comments cruelly on her appearance, foreshadowing how corrupt heaven is, and Xie Lian quickly realizes that someone has tried to humiliate her already by cutting a hole in the back of her skirt, hinting at the theme of human cruelty and suffering. He is kind to her, and in return, she helps him prepare for his undercover mission to catch the bride thief, showing the the answer to her prayers is through her own work and kindness, and the connections she makes (with Xie Lian in this case).

The reader quickly learns that Little Ying might not be physically beautiful, but she has a beautiful heart, taking care of a scarred ghost who lives in the mountains (Lang Ying). Yet people turn on her and scorn her when she tries to protect Lang Ying, because humanity is often cruel to their own, and an orphan girl who is unattractive is a target. Yet, unlike the rest of the crowd gathered by the house where all the brides have been stolen away to, she wants to help. But her attempts to help, to save everyone, get her killed, and it’s noted that they do not actually help. 

Softly, she said, “I feel as though my entire life, there weren’t many days where I lived happy.”

Xie Lian also didn’t know what to say, and gently patted her hand. Little Ying sighed, “Oh well, forget it. I might just be someone……born unlucky.”

This is something that repeats in Xie Lian’s arc as well: he often winds up hurting where he tried to help (as with Jun Wu, too), and sacrificing oneself is looked at, as it is in MDZS, with nuance in TGCF. Little Ying did not need to die. There’s a futility to human suffering in TGCF: it doesn’t bring a purpose, it isn’t glorious, and it doesn’t always make someone a better or worse person. It just is. 

Yet it’s also worth noting that the story is asking: when society treats you a certain way because of things you cannot help, such as gender, appearance, and economic status, what power do you have to decide your fate? The answer is what brings comfort to Little Ying in her last minutes: she’s not alone. Xie Lian stays with her as she dies. Little Ying, too, made an effort to make sure others were not alone (Lang Ying). Suffering is unbearable, but if you’re not alone, there is comfort. 

The Demons: 

Two of the demon ladies are fantastic deconstructions of female character stereotypes: the crazed ex (Xuan Ji) and the evil seductress (Jian Lan).  

(remember this meme? it plays into the crazy ex trope too)

Xuan Ji is the scorned woman who murders brides to vent her frustration at the world (and at Pei Ming, the lover who abandoned her). She is Little Ying’s counterpart in the first arc, in that while Little Ying is a Xie Lian parallel, Xuan Ji is a parallel to our main antagonist, Bai WuXiang, in that she’s determined to take out her misfortune on literally everyone around her. But she is in genuine pain, which the novel takes care to note:

Under her long hair, her tears started to fall as she said, “I’ve waited for him for centuries, what important matter does he have? Back then, in order to see me, he would cross half of the border in a single night, so what important matter could he have now? So important that he wouldn’t even be willing to see me once? An important matter? He doesn’t actually have one, right?”

It’s not portraying Pei Ming as a poor sad victim here; on the contrary, his treatment of Xuan Ji is condemned. She betrayed her army for him, and he doesn’t like her because, in many ways, he comes across as a chauvinist (at first. This is later unpacked too, but that’s for another meta). 

 “General Pei does not like strong-minded women, and Xuan Ji’s natural disposition is strong-willed. This is why they could not stay together for long. General Xuan Ji was unwilling to let go, so she said to General Pei that she was willing make sacrifices and change herself. Thus, she voluntarily abolished her martial arts and broke her own two legs. In this way, she did the equivalent of breaking both her wings and tying herself to General Pei. Despite all this, General Pei didn’t abandon her. He took her in and looked after her, yet, he still wouldn’t take her as his wife. Because General Xuan Ji’s long-cherished wish could not be fulfilled, she killed herself in hate. Not for any other reason, but only to make General Pei feel sad and aggrieved.

Again, harming yourself for the sake of someone else is not presented as a good thing in TGCF. The story does a good job of pointing out that both sides can be at fault; there isn’t a black and white, one is evil and the other good situation in the story. Because Xuan Ji then won’t give up and makes it her mission to torture and humiliate Pei Ming, which she does the former and tries for the latter on numerous occasions. Yet the conclusion to their arc is Pei Ming finally telling her: 

...it was Pei Ming who abandoned Xuan Ji first, this female ghost also killed countless after, trying to kill them time and time again... looking like this, she was a little pitiful.

Pei Ming looked back at her, and in the end, he only said, “Xuan Ji, it’s time you wake up.” 

“Wake up what.” Xuan Ji was confused.

“That you’ve become this way, I’m part of the reason, but a majority of it is by your own decisions. You’ve done so much but you can only move your own heart, I’m a steel-hearted man. Rather than love me, why don’t you go love yourself.” 

He yanked back his robes from Xuan Ji’s hold, and left without looking back.

It’s not that he’s innocent in how he treated her (he isn’t), and it’s not that Xuan Ji’s pain isn’t real, but what we do with our suffering is the pivot on which everyone’s character arc in TGCF swings, and so just as Pei Ming finally decides to take responsibility for his actions, so does Xuan Ji. And after she finally lets go of her resentment, she is able to dissipate and leave the world, entering into a reincarnation cycle.

Jian Lan is originally portrayed to us as Lan Cheng, a vulgar-tongued prostitute who is the mother of a demonic murdering ghost baby, CuoCuo. Yet eventually the reader finds out she was actually a potential concubine for Xie Lian and, after the kingdom of Xian Le fell, she became a prostitute, and CuoCuo is actually the son of Feng Xin, one of Xie Lian’s best friends. Feng Xin promises to take care of them, but Jian Lan tells Xie Lian this in the end:

"having Cuo Cuo is enough for me. Who hasn’t made promises or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hung around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.”

It’s not that the story wants to imply that forever really isn’t possible (Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s relationship counters this), but it also doesn’t invalidate Jian Lan’s choice. 

“What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. To be a charity case and a nuisance, I’m not interested.” 

“Why would he think you both a nuisance?” Xie Lian asked, “Don’t you know the kind of person Feng Xin is?” 

“You, His Highness the Crown Prince, you have never lived the common life, so of course you’d think things are that simple. He won’t now, and he won’t on the surface either. But once time gets dragged out, then nothing could be sure.

It’s her choice, and her choice not to risk trying love with Feng Xin again is respected by the narrative. Her choice parallels Xuan Ji’s, but unlike Xuan Ji, Jian Lan’s problem was never that she cared too much about a cast-off lover, but that she did not want to tell said lover the truth. Now that she has, her choices and her freedom to decide her fate remain. She too is not alone: she has her son. 

The last demonic ghost character is Ban Yue, another Xie Lian parallel. She is an orphan girl, mistreated, and later a high priestess of Banyue. She states Xie Lian’s words “I, too want to save the world,” and says that she took his teachings to heart. 

She’s noted to be very lonely, and after Xie Lian “died” saving her, she finds someone to cling to in Pei Su (Pei Ming’s descendent). Once they find out the kingdom of Banyue plans to destroy the city itself and everyone around it, Ban Yue opens the gates for Pei Su to slaughter everyone in the city--but at least the people outside it will survive. It’s a complex moral decision that doesn’t have an easy answer. 

“You also said, ‘Do what you think is right!’” Ban Yue told him.

‘....what… nonsense! … Why did I keep saying those kinds of things… I’m nothing like that at all… am I??’ Xie Lian thought.

“But, I don’t know what’s right anymore.” Ban Yue said.

Xie Lian froze.

Ban Yue’s sulky voice buzzed from the pot, “I thought I was doing the right thing, but in the end it was me who opened the gates that let in the enemy who slaughtered my people... But if I didn’t open the gates, the Banyue people would terrorize the Midlands and hurt more people... I really wanted to do well as the Head Priestess. But, not only did I opened the gates, I killed them, and refused them human flesh. If they didn’t feed on human flesh they’d suffer, and I couldn’t relieve them of that suffering... It’s like no matter what I did, the result was going to be bad... I know I didn’t do things right, but can you tell me, where did I go wrong?” 

Hearing her question, Xie Lian rubbed the back of his neck and said slowly, “I’m sorry, Ban Yue. The answer to that question, I’d not known it back then, and now… I don’t think I know the answer now either.”

The thing is, if Xie Lian hadn’t gotten himself “killed” saving her, the gates wouldn’t have been opened. Yet, if he didn’t sacrifice himself, she would be dead. There isn’t a right or a wrong choice; it’s complex morally. It also foreshadows what will happen in Book 2, when a flashback reveals to us that Xie Lian himself learned the hard way that there isn’t always a way to save everyone through the fall of his kingdom Xian Le. 

The Goddesses: 

My favorite female character in TGCF is YuShi Huang, or the Princess who Slit Her Throat. She’s not dead though; she’s a goddess whose quick thinking saved her family’s kingdom. She’s a Xie Lian parallel in that she is a laughingstock; Pei Ming is noted to have led a siege against her kingdom and have mocked her cruelly in her life. However, YuShi Huang, being the youngest of sixteen children, become the unlikely heir who saves her father and her kingdom, and later will grow to save those who laugh at her. 

She has a kind, self-sacrificing personality like Xie Lian, but she does warn Xie Lian when she helps him by lending him her spiritual device to give his kingdom water that rain is a limited resource, and there’s only so much that he can do. She’s in other words a mite wiser than Xie Lian is at this point--if Little Ying can be seen as him in his childlike stage, trying to save everyone, and Ban Yue as his adolescent phase of character development when he’s started to question, then YuShi Huang can be seen as his parallel once he matures--which is why the reveal of just who the Lord Rain Master is comes very late in the story. Her wisdom is used to save and to heal what she can (such as smuggling Hua Cheng to Xie Lian), but she knows she cannot do everything. 

She also foils Xuan Ji, in that both are from YuShi and were treated cruelly by Pei Ming in life. However, she ultimately saves Pei Ming several times, and when Xuan Ji passes on, she performs a passing service for the ghost. Pei Ming’s subsequent... embarrassment (schoolboy crush? It’s kinda questionable based on the explicit parallels with Xuan Ji, and Xuan Ji’s outright accusations of him liking her in dialogue with him) over how YuShi Huang saved him is also rather amusing. 

Aaaand then there’s the other goddess. Ling Wen has the distinction of being the only complex MXTX character I struggle to like. (Jun Wu used to be on this list but. Writing him helped me like him. Not so much with Ling Wen--but I do think she’s a well done character so please note that my dislike is purely my personal opinion and not an accusation of narrative failing nor an implication that anyone should not stan her (by all means, do so!))

She’s a Jun Wu parallel in many ways, which is why she’s the only god who winds up on his side even after all he’s done comes to light. Her role in a corrupt and sexist court is also not unsympathetic: she’s often worshipped in her male form, so she adopts it, she was mistreated by the literature god before her, and she’s angry about it (every woman who’s seen men get promoted ahead of them in an office can feel this on a--hem--spiritual level). Her anger is justified, and it’s hilarious how the Upper Court cannot actually function without her and so her punishment for her crimes essentially amounts to “please just do your job.” 

She’s also only character who does not have a close relationship with anyone, and this is almost certainly deliberate in response to the unfairness and the sexism and cruelty of the world and how it treats her, as a woman. She tells Xie Lian: 

“Something like a genuine heart is made to be trampled...”

After a long silence, Xie Lian said, “You said ‘similar to him’. So, was General Bai Jing like this too?” 

Ling Wen smiled lightly, “Why else would he be deceived by me?” 

...

Xie Lian said, “… you wanted to help General Bai Jing in becoming a Supreme, and have him wake to his senses, right?” 

Ling Wen gave a small laugh, “Your highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognized no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?” 

Her closest relationship is with the Brocade Immortal Bai Jing, someone she transformed into an object. But if, as Xie Lian implies, she wanted to awaken Bai Jing again, it may imply that she might be lonely and long for connection after all, even if she is afraid to take the risks involved in human connection. Hopefully she’ll be able to connect again, now that the gods are incredibly grateful to her for doing the job none of them could do. Like Jun Wu, she has a chance. 

[sometimesrosy]

I’ve been thinking a lot about outlander and t100 which has led me to this; I see so many similarities between j/c and b/c. Yes, Clarke and Bellamy can “live” without the other, it’s like Jamie and Claire said to each other, it’s like living without a heart, or with half a heart. Claire had to raise Brianna so she did and she had a life and a job, Clarke raised Maddie and created a home. Jamie had a job and married someone, Bellamy became the leader of spacekru and got with echo. But then they

Pt.2 to an outlander/t100 ask; they found each other again and Claire and Jamie dropped everything to be together. And so did Bellamy for Clarke kinda. Dropped his people and echo and sanctum and ran off to save Clarke no matter what. So even though C/J are definitely more soul matey-dependent on each other, both couples have loved each other through space and time. For years, and have found their way back to each other every time. Love that for my two fav ships ❤️❤️❤️❤️

+++

I just caught up (almost) on this season Outlander (i still have to watch last night’s show because i couldn’t wait to get ALL the season on dvr,) so i dug this question out of my inbox. Sorry to keep you waiting so long.

Bellarke and J/C are, I think, the same romantic trope in many ways. That love beyond death, time and space epic love thing. 

In fact, is this a spoiler? I think this is a spoiler. So I’ll try to be a little vague.

The last episode I watched had Jamie near death, and the only thing that brought him back was Claire’s love/touch. Love’s true kiss/kiss of life sorta. 

And when they had their intimate discussion the next day when they woke up, (bellarke had one too,) Jamie told her that he came back because she needed him. (Bellamy told Clarke he needed her too.) Claire asked “not because you love me?” (which would never happen with bellarke, no saying the L word.) And Jamie said he loved her when they’re together and when they’re apart and even in death he’ll love her. Which, fine, that didn’t happen on The 100, or rather, they never SAID that on the 100 because Bellarke don’t TALK about things like that... BUT Clarke lived for 6 years talking to him every day because he kept her going. And Bellamy lived with a bit of Clarke’s heart inside his heart and tried to live for her. So their love, too, unstated as it may be, also follows Jamie’s statement. 

It’s the same archetypal story. Fated lovers, soulmates, separated by cruel fate/gods/apocalypse, but a love that is true and real and continues past death, time and space. 

Clarke was assumed to have died in praifaya/Jamie was assumed to have died in Culloden. Bellamy went to space/Claire went to America.  Clarke lived for Madi/Claire lived for Brianna.  Bellarke had 6 years apart/Claire and Jamie had 20? years apart. Bellamy discovered Clarke was alive through distant messages/Claire discovered Jamie was alive through distant messages. The lovers were reunited, in jeopardy. Oh and they had to deal with relationships over the time jump. Bellamy w E/Jamie with Laoighre (did I spell it right?Laoghaire) Hah then they had fights with the powers that be. Then they went on a journey. (Bellarke to sanctum/Jamie and Claire to America.)

Well then our two stories are separated, because while they both have the same archetypal love story, they are told in different GENRES. Outlanders is a time travelers and warriors history in a romance genre. The 100 is an epic love story in a post apocalyptic action tragedy science fiction genre. 

The romance genre has, as it’s core plot, “how do these epic lovers find each other/save each other/find a HEA.” Jamie and Claire are an established relationship, married (arranged marriage trope actually, they married before they fell in love,) with children (brianna, roger, fergus, ian, marsali,) and GRANDCHILDREN (Jemmie and all Fergus and Marsali’s kids.) Traditional romance should have a Happy Ever After ending or a Happy For Now ending. But this whole epic thing puts a doubt on how everything will work out. Their struggles never end. Is the book series even done yet? I don’t know. (there are ten books planned she’s only published 8)

The post apocalyptic science fiction show OFTEN has a romance at it’s center, but not always, and being post apocalyptic genre, does NOT have a required Happy Ever After ending, so the romance could end tragically or disappointingly. You never know if the post apocalyptic stories are going to end with hope or end with no hope. And that puts the romance at the center of its story at risk. Take, for instance, Maggie and Glenn on The Walking Dead. ): Great love story shown on screen. beautiful. D:  ): Not so much a happy ever after show. More like a life sucks and then you die and then you come back as a zombie show. HOWEVER, I do think that JR is tending towards the happy ever after bittersweet post apocalyptic genre, as evidenced by Marper’s ending. They broke the cycle and lived a life on their terms. HOWEVER again, it’s not certain, as evidenced by KABBY’s ending, where they DIDN’t break the cycle... or Kane broke the cycle that Abby was continuing. So though their love was lost, it was sacrificed to a better world. Anyway. It’s dangerous to ship on a non romance show. imo. 

But for Bellarke, the central relationship of The 100, with a love story archetype that matches the swoonworthy Outlander story, we have “how do these epic lovers find each other/save each other/find a HEA” with the CORE plot, and then the umbrella plot, the “plot” plot, of “How do Clarke and her soulmate Bellamy save and redeem humanity and become the good guys?” So we’re watching the umbrella plot while the core plot is going on. 

BOTH stories have the main characters suffering ENDLESSLY, with themes of love, love lost, betrayal, family, found family, war, the end of the world (literally for The 100 and for certain people [the highland scots, and i think the native americans] in Outlander, generations, warriors heroes, DOCTOR heroines, trying to become a hero/find your place, death and a heroine who stops death, saving your people, trauma, ptsd, tyranny, criminals, heroes who are called criminals.

Clarke and Bellamy are a good deal younger than Claire and Jamie, and in a time when people don’t start their families so young, and also where women aren’t subordinate.  But also, The 100 has a hope of breaking the cycle of violence because it’s about the future, while Outlander, about the past, cannot break the cycle of violence. We KNOW Britain defeats the clans. We KNOW that slavery will last for generations and the natives will be driven out and massacred. 

So what Claire and Jamie are looking for is a way to ESCAPE the fated horrors that they can’t stop. While Clarke and Bellamy are looking for a way to STOP the impending horrors and make up for the past.

These two stories definitely have a conversation going. Did JR read Outlander before starting The 100? Quite possible. In fact maybe THAT’S why he says it’s not a time travel story even when we know something wonky is going on with time. Because OUTLANDER is a time travel story and this isn’t like that at all. 

[kenobios]

rotj: my thoughts

positives and negatives. spoilers ahead

so, i wasn’t gonna write one of these but i felt i needed to get some stuff off my chest so i can move on. i was just gonna pretend this movie didn’t happen but i think i can come to eventually accept that it did now that i’ve had time to digest everything.

POSITIVES:

- honestly... from my first viewing there isn’t a lot i like. but i’m sure this will improve the more i watch the film and actually have the chance to form an opinion on more things within such a hectic onslaught of information. - i laughed. c3po and that little fixer dude were genuinely funny (to me). dio (sp?) was super cute too. tbh i never cared much for droids (my obi-wan is coming thru here) but i actually enjoyed them so that’s a win for me - very pretty film. visually spectacular.  - fast-paced. not boring for a second (to me). kept me entertained. - rey’s yellow lightsaber. i actually liked this even tho it doesn’t match up with current canon (yellow being for temple guards). it reminded me of bastila and i was just waiting for her to show it off as a double-sided saber... which i didn’t get but it still looked like it was built for it so i’ll take the win. - the idea of palpatine being powerful again but it would have been cool to see a younger version of himself - rey and ben teaming up and the intimate moment they shared which felt genuinely beautiful and was one of the highlights for me

now here’s the ISSUES i have off the top of my head, some of them having been mentioned on this blog before:

- the trio. everyone else has already said it. forced and uncomfortable. it felt like they were setting up a love triangle for the first half of the movie as well, which was weird. when they had poe and rey have those ‘moments’ or when they bickered with each other i was like ‘they better not be tryna spring up some hanleia dynamic on us for the last film between these two’ especially while also baiting finnrey (which is never touched upon again after the first half of the movie, yikes)

- towards the end of the film, i turned to the person next to me and said “this reminds me of a video game plot” - i couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that was, but it was just a feeling. and not a deep, thorough video game plot either. another reviewer said something similar. it’s just... very shallow, expository and it feels like it’s dragging you and the characters through very railroaded and forced missions/battles. i mean at the start they’re really just looking for something, going to someone, that person says they need to talk to someone else for the thing, they go to another person, etc. which is a type of mission device used in games as well. it also felt to me like one of those japanese otome games where rey is the bland female character that all the male characters fall for (poe, finn, kylo) and she gets her pick of which one she wants to romance, which was cringe.

- i didn’t hear the characters. i only heard what they were forcing the characters to say in order to progress the plot or explain the plot. the characters themselves became faceless inserts for exposition. so many times i heard a character say something and thought... that was a jarring piece of dialogue that seems both out of character and unnatural to say at that point in time.

- although i said being fast-paced could be a positive, it was largely a negative for me. at one point it felt like slide transitions were happening at minute intervals. a major plot point would be revealed and then no time is given to process, it’s onto the next major scene. this left everything feeling very rushed and messy, which i believe is due to half the film being cut for time constraints.

- each character is either twisted into an unrecognisable character, or ignored/not given the time they deserve. rey? blank slate female protag with a famous bloodline and who barely reacts to the things going on around her (leia dying, ben dying, she disregards her ‘friends’ on multiple occasions). like others, i always defended rey’s abilities, but this film is too much. she has been made a mary sue. finn? rendered nothing but the ‘friend’ pining after a girl and only briefly gets time with his own story which is never fully explored in this film by any means. poe? turned into a grumpy, seemingly jealous ‘friend’ with a shady past that felt like they were trying to make him the ‘han solo’ of the trio rather than going with what we already know about his character. leia? now this is hard, and i respect what they tried to do, but i still felt like her death could have been done a bit better rather than the quick ‘shock’ moment it was. also the stuff with luke training her is a no for me. way too shoe-horned and part of what made leia cool to me was that she was a skywalker but didn’t need to be a jedi. her powers were elsewhere. kylo? don’t get me started. rose? who? she may as well not have been in this movie with the way they ignored her character and showed how little the other characters care about her. it broke my heart.

- rey palpatine? though i’m a rey kenobi fan, i was happy with rey nobody. i liked what it stood for. i didn’t mind the idea of rey palpatine in theory, but the way they force-fed this to us in the film rather than building it up left a bad taste in my mouth and i’m going to have to pass on it. if they wanted to have her related to palpatine, they should have just made her a clone imo. it would have matched with what was being built up prior (in tlj with the clones in the cave), it would have explained her ties to the dark side, it would have completed the palpatine/skywalker poetry, and it would have still been congruent with her being a ‘nobody’ since that’s essentially what clones are seen as in star wars. also we wouldn’t have to think about the fact palpatine got laid. laboratories were already set up in jakku by palpatine. cloning itself was shown in rots anyway (snoke) so? 

- although i’ve wanted ben to be redeemed... it still felt too rushed in this film. also, he does display some toxic tendencies as kylo ren towards rey (trying to manipulate her to go with him) which didn’t sit well with me but i didn’t really see ben/kylo ren in his scenes sometimes anyway, since he was also forcibly used to give exposition to us/rey. i did like his scene with his mother and father in the film but i just needed more than that to really feel his redemption rather than the quick switch we got. 

- i originally wasn’t okay with the whole ‘bringing someone back to life through the force’ thing since i always liked the idea palpatine was just saying that to honeypot anakin, but decided i’m willing to accept it as a unique ability they had for each other due to their force bond. but then... ben dies anyway. and it’s done in such a way that leaves you feeling ‘wtf just happened?’. it was random, forced, didn’t feel necessary and it just... happened. no one reacted to it. he wasn’t referred to or mentioned after this. the last skywalker goes out just like that. poof. okay. so was this a shock death or was jj genuinely trying to appease people who didn’t think ben deserved redemption or to live? either way ben lived such a sad, cruel, manipulated life that his death seemed unfair and we’re all supposed to think this movie is hopeful and celebrate a few minutes later? i don’t think so. in fact, everything that happens after that scene feels incredibly uncomfortable because of the massive tonal shift.

- the kiss. ok don’t hate me. i enjoy reylo. but i honestly think the kiss wasn’t exactly... needed? maybe it was just because everything else felt so forced but it felt a little forced in this scene for me. for me, the hug ben gave rey just beforehand spoke more volumes of their intimacy. i did mention their intimate moments above as a positive, so i still like this overall moment (in addition to the moment rey heals him). but the hug spoke enough to me that it would have been nice to keep it more subtle yet obvious enough (thanks to their acting) that they cared deeply for one another. but then again, this is what i felt before i knew ben died, so. idk. i guess it would suck for ben to die without having kissed rey? how about just don’t kill ben off. have them hug instead of kiss and then leave us to fill in the gaps as they both live. how about that.

- the rey skywalker thing is embarrassing. and rey ended up alone in the desert... just how she started. i just can’t. by the time this came on the screen i was ready to leave. i only stayed because i HOPED there would be an after credits showing her on the falcon, or her training finn to be a jedi, or her speaking with any of the force ghosts (luke or ben or anakin).

- speaking of which. why were there no force ghosts in the scene where she fights palpatine? we just get voices? that scene really lacked impact and the whole fight sequence just felt blah. palpatine came back super strong and then he was gone in moments. there should have a) been force ghosts or some kind of visual presence of the jedi to help rey whether physically or just boosting morale and b) ben should have fought palpatine with her.

- why is rey alone in the desert? i honestly didn’t think this meant she was going to be a hermit until i came online and saw that’s what everyone else thought. but just... why? why is she not passing on the jedi ways she fought to keep alive? or the knowledge she has gained/kept in the sacred jedi texts she stole? surely not. surely that is her plan. surely ben saved her not just because he loved her but also because she can carry on the skywalker legacy NOT by dying alone in a desert but by training new jedi. (which, again, SHOULD HAVE BEEN FINN AS THE FIRST NEW JEDI!) or better yet, a new type of jedi that don’t follow toxic ways but that incorporate both the light and dark side of the force like she does? and calling THEM skywalkers? but nope. instead she ended up back where she started. except with less personality this time.

- i can’t talk enough about how cool it would have been to have jedi!finn at the end. talk about coming full circle from the promo baits they had for TFA of finn with the lightsaber. AT LEAST GIVE US THIS.

- the whole movie just felt like a massive disrespect to the previous film. everything rian built was trampled on, retconned or ignored. say what you want about tlj and rian, but this is what happens when you ignore or try to retcon the preceding film whether you like it or not. everything feels messy and the plots get screwed up. this movie would have been largely different (better) had they not tried so hard to pretend tlj didn’t exist. even if you didn’t like it, take the plot and mould it into something you do like. don’t just toss it aside and lose all sense of continuity between the films. i don’t blame jj for this exactly, but rather the disney committee that were too afraid to acknowledge tlj’s existence due to the reception it got from fans and thus felt the need to have jj ‘fix/retcon’ things rather than build upon/improve things.

- oh yeah hux. that happened, i guess. i thought it was weird and it kinda sucked that they did that. who cares about the new guy? general pride or whatever? no one. surely making general hux more menacing couldn’t have been THAT hard. but no. we get a rather silly death instead. alright. at least he can forever be known as the petty king of star wars.

- there’s probably more. i could write an essay but i’m getting tired of complaining already so i’m leaving it here. if you happened to read this far and want to talk about it with me some more, my DMs are open!

overall, i just hope some canon content is going to be released, either in the form of a book or a comic, that explores more of this following the movie. i want to know more about finn’s story. i want to see whether rey does stay on tatooine or whether she trains jedi. i want to see whether she communicates with ben through the force, or just, y’know, any closure on that would be nice. i want to see the director’s cut with the other half of the movie. then, perhaps, i will know peace.

[fierceawakening]

advice pls?

this was submitted by an anon

i’ve added paragraph breaks so i can read it more easily

(abuse adjacent cw??) please don’t feel obligated to answer but. my last relationship was kind of… bad? it was my first time really trying bdsm and while some of it was great other parts were not and i… came out kinda traumatized. some of it was honest misunderstanding on his part but he also didn’t really listen to me or negotiate properly imo. when i said i didn’t like something, he would say that was ok or good because bdsm is about subs doing things they don’t like for their doms (and they’re supposed to enjoy it on a meta level or something?), and he said i shouldn’t safeword to get out of a scene i didn’t want to do, i should do it and then afterward tell him why i didn’t want to do it. 

i said i didn’t want to 24/7 but he would randomly come into my room and give me a command and then hit me if i didn’t do it anyway. he knows more than i do so i trusted his expertise i guess, even though it felt wrong to me. and it’s not like he went heavy with pain or injury or degradation or anything (except when he accidentally injured me lol) and i feel like a wimp or a failure and ashamed for being hurt anyway. (i feel like a lot of subs are having a “more fucked up than thou” contest and i failed it, idk if that’s fair.) he kept hitting and biting me even after i explicitly told him to stop, for months until we broke up, which seems more clearly not-okay but again it wasn’t hard, it was supposed to be in good fun and i knew it, it was considered ok by the original context and terms of our relationship if that makes sense. i still think it’s bad but i know it wasn’t very bad. 

from what kinky people i see online are into and their attitude toward consent (more “try something and escalate unless they safeword” than “negotiate in words beforehand”) it seems about normal and i think they would all roll their eyes at me if i complained about something at this level. i guess i just want to ask someone who knows from bdsm, is this considered ok and normal? 

please no answers like “it’s ok to be traumatized by whatever you’re traumatized by”, while i’m sure it’s true it’s not helpful to me. i just want to know if these are the norms in bdsm and i just got what i signed up for, and in that case fair enough and i should stick to vanilla stuff i guess. i guess sending this i’m hoping you’ll say “no that was bad and not okay”, but if not i’m prepared to accept that answer. thank you for taking the time to read regardless.

oh yeah and if i said something hurt (in the bad way) he would say i was being a wimp or a pussy and like, i was, but. and he also started doing breathplay without really negotiating either, but i liked it so i didn’t mind, so maybe i am a hypocrite.

Anon, you asked for my unvarnished opinion, so here it is:

This person’s behavior was abusive and cruel and it’s not only “okay to be traumatized by whatever you’re traumatized by,” it’s 100% understandable that you were traumatized by this.

From what you say, this person repeatedly violated your boundaries and then made YOU feel bad about it, when HE’S the one who did it. He ignored or worse mocked and belittled common-sense requests to negotiate about the things that were upsetting and hurtful to you. And he insulted you by telling you over and over that if you did not immediately give him exactly the amount of power HE WANTED and nothing less, you weren’t submissive enough, somehow.

THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS SHOULD WORK. EVER.

AND I AM SO SORRY SOMEONE TREATED YOU THIS WAY JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING FOR FUN.

That is 100% not okay, and that is on him, not you.

I’m not going to say what you did “wasn’t BDSM” because I think a lot of people ignore the crappy people in our community by going, “oh if it really harmed someone physically or emotionally that’s ~not BDSM~ so we don’t have to worry about it.”

But I AM going to say this:

BDSM is supposed to be fun.

It’s supposed to be something the people involved like doing and look forward to doing. 

It’s not supposed to be frightening. Anything that IS “frightening” should be, like, horror movie thrill kinda thing. Where you’re excited and keyed up but you know you’re really safe with this person.

And you should only do THAT if it’s something you both want. AND if you try it and oh shit this is scaring me for real, you should be able to safeword, and if you do the response should be “shit, sorry, are you okay” and not “rrrgdjkhjks i was just beginning to have fun.”

There are people out there who get pretty serious and intense about their kinks and take risks with it. And I’ve definitely met some of them who do things I can’t imagine being up for and seem happy afterward. So that does exist. 

BUT.

You know what they don’t do, if they’re decent people? Find someone who is just starting to think about what might be fun and proceed to shame and belittle them for Not Being Serious Enough.

I don’t think you are a wimp or a failure. 

I think your ex messed with your head (and did unsafe irresponsible things to your body, too), and I think that wasn’t okay.