#while i was suffering from horrible chronic pain just so she could do whatever the fuck with my sister in town

[xolaanii]

it really is wild my mom and i will be all doting one minute and absolutely pissed at each other the next it's fucking wild however i've put out the proposition that she stops treating me like an idiot and also like i don't need anything ever at the same time

[algumaideia]

The ableism in the Acotar series

I was thinking about all the problematic aspects of the Acotar books, and I realized that they are pretty ableist. I don’t know if someone have already talked about it, but just in case I’ll do it. But before I start, I need to say some things:

1. I haven’t read the series for a while, and I don’t remember some stuff. So, I might write something that is wrong.

2. I’m not disabled myself. This post is based on my research about disabilities and how disabled people are represented in the media. I have a lot of interest in the subject, and I also researched about it because I’m writing a story with several disabled characters. I also did a school project about assistive technologies.

3. English is not my mother language and I’m still learning it. There are gonna be spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m sorry about it, but it is life.

4. I haven’t read the acosf book, so maybe SJM changed the story or some character in this book and therefore my post will be incorrect.

5. Besides the fact that I consider Emerie to be disabled, I won’t talk about her in the post. Because as I said I didn’t read acosf and I think that her appearance in the acofas has the same purpose that the other female Illyrians (since Idk how to write Illyrians this will be write wrong in the entire post, I’m sorry).

6. I forget the name of some characters and I don’t want to search it, so I’ll just give them new names.

Now let’s begin.

I’ll analyze the following characters in this post: Papa Acheron, Lucien, Cassian and Ianthe, the woman from the library and the female Illyrians, the female creature from the forest, the Illyrian soldiers that came back from the war and the girl who couldn’t fly. I think I forgot someone, but patience. In the end of the post I’ll talk about disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding.

I also would like to say that almost all her characters got their disability as a punishment, and the problem with this is that it always links disability with something bad.

Papa Acheron:

As I said Papa Acheron got his disability as a punishment, since he didn’t pay his debts, some people went in this house and broke his leg. I might be wrong, but I think that it didn’t healed well and because of that he has chronic pain. So, to better analyze him I’ll compare him to two other characters with chronic pain, Kaz Brekker and Melissa, one of my main characters.

Papa Acheron became useless after he became disabled. He thought he was useless and by extension Feyre thought it too. I’m not saying that internalized ableism doesn’t exist, but the narrative never calls it out. Feyre accepts this excuse, it is kind of implied that if he weren’t disabled, he would be able to help his family and get money. Now let’s look to Kaz (I haven’t read the second book of the duology, please no spoilers). He accepts his disability, not only that but he uses his cane as one of his symbols. He goes against the idea that a disabled person is stuck with a cane or a wheelchair or whatever. He feels free with his cane. Now, this doesn’t mean that every disabled character needs to feel okay with his disability. My character, Melissa, feels a lot of anger because of her chronic pain. It hurts her, it disrupts her plans, it makes her suffer. However, it didn’t stop her to live her life and she also is not seeking anyone’s pity, which is very different from the Papa Acheron situation. Mel has friends, a social life, she studies, she will have a job, she will date, get married and have children. She doesn’t feel mad because she is disabled, she is also autistic, and she loves that part of herself. What bothers her is that her disability makes her feels a lot of pain. Papa Acheron is just someone to you feel bad and angry about. He doesn’t do anything because he is disabled and believes that this makes his useless and the narrative kind of agrees with him.

Lucien:

Lucien doesn’t have one eye, and that’s what makes him disabled. He became disabled as a punishment for falling in love with a lesser fae and not only that, but he is only without his mechanic/magic eye when he is on his worse. He was without his eye when his family was torturing and banishing him. And then when he was UTM. Again, disability being connected with bad things. Now about his mechanic eye. The first time that Feyre describes his eye she says it is creepy. Which is bad. But also, why it had to be magic and give him the ability to see spells or something like that (this was never brought back btw)? Why can’t he have a normal mechanical eye? Why he needs a mechanical eye? Why does his mechanical eye need to compensate the fact he is disabled? He is as much complete with and without his eye.

Cassin and Ianthe:

I put this two together for one reason, their disabilities were cured. I’ll talk about Cassian first. When they invaded Hybrein (I also don’t know how to write the name of the country) they hurt his wings badly. And considering that to Illyrians the wings are as much a limb as an arm or a leg, he was disabled for a while. (I’m aware that to something be considered a disability it needs to be long lasting. But I think that the fact that it was cured is ableist, if I’m not wrong the text said it was a miracle he was healed.)Then we had Cassian in the floor with his wings all damaged, suffering a lot, what a horrible scene. But don’t worry! The next time he’ll appear completely cured, because being disabled is such a horrible thing and SJM never used deus ex machina to save her characters. So, this injured made him disabled for a while, and it could be interesting. The wings are the Illyrian symbol, the symbol of their toxic masculinity and their sexism. Cassian being disabled because of his wings would make him revalue his culture and his own idea of masculinity and it would be so amazing. But he was cured. I think that this makes Cassian falls in the disabled for one day trope. Just like Ianthe. First the way she became disabled was disgusting. Feyre invading her mind was such a horrible thing to do. I’m not denying that Ianthe is a terrible person/fae but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a horrible scene. I really dislike characters with telepathic powers, because for me their powers are crossing a line. They invade and control someone’s mind. They take off the person free will. They basically turn the person in a robot. If I remember correctly when Feyre made Ianthe broke her hand it was with the purpose to make it useless. And when she appeared again in all her glory she was, surprise, surprise, cured.

The woman from the library and the female Illyrians:

I put they together because their disabilities are used for the same two purposes. The first is that they became disabled as a punishment for being female, and the second it to show how FEMINIST Rhysand is. He isn’t feminist, so all these women suffered for nothing. Again, disability being linked with bad things. The symbol of the female Illyrians suffering is they becoming disabled. NOT GOOD AT ALL. About the woman from the library, she was there to also show how good Feyre is. She is there so we can feel pity of her. She didn’t deserve it.

The female creature who couldn’t see:

My problem with her is that it is implied/said that she has better senses because she is blind. And that’s not how it works?? People just pay more attention in what they hear, touch or smell when they are blind/visually impaired.

The girl who couldn’t fly:

I'm gonna call her Anna. First Anna is like the only character who just have a disability. No trauma, no war, no punishment. She just has. Then she is a great disabled character, right? Wrong. She has inspirational porn written all over her story. She is there to make Feyre feel better about herself and make other abled people/fae feel inspired. She is there so we can say: ohhh poor thing, but at least she overcame her disability and now can fly. So ableist. Anna is also only valued after proving herself useful. That is wrong. Disabled people should be valued because they are people. They don’t need to be amazing in anything to be treated with respect.

The Illyrian soldiers:

My problem with them is how their disability is used to reinforce sexism and make Cassian and Rhysand feel bad. But what about the Illyrian soldiers? How are they feeling? It seems this is not important. They also bother me because of worldbuilding questions.

Disabilities, ableism and worldbuilding:

First, why humans and fae feel the same about disabled people? Feyre has the same opinion the IC have. And the humans and fae were separated for 500 years. This doesn’t make sense. Every court think the same thing about disabled fae? Does something change if the disabled fae is a lesser or a higher fae? It should make a difference. A real world example of how social class affects the way disabled people are treated: the first school for deaf people created only taught children of the nobles.

And why the way people look to disabled fae didn’t change after the war? What about the assistive technology? You know what, it is unrealistic the fact that we don’t have any assistive technology in this world. But this happen in the antient times, how could there be any assistive technology? First, assistive technology is everything that helps a disabled person, a cane, a screen reader, a scooter. Everything can be an assistive technology. Second, assistive technologies exist since the antiente times. One of the oldest prothesis were found in a mummy. There is a painting of Hephaestus using a wheelchair. And considering that this series happens in what was supposed to be the Middle ages, it was supposed to have assistive technologies. Wheelchairs during this time were heavy and the user couldn’t use it by himself, but they existed. There are records of a king using a wheelchair during the middle ages. And I mean with the war something was supposed to change. The first place to blind people in the France was created because 300 soldiers came back from the crusades without their eyes. It was in the century 20 that disabled people started to be more included in the society. And one of the reasons were the soldiers that came back from WW1 and WW2 disabled. Not only that but in war times the technology improves, so a lot of new assistive technologies and materials were created during this time. The first record of guide dogs comes from 1819 in school in Vienna, but it didn’t work. Only after WW1 that guide dogs appeared again. And you know with what purpose? Help veterans that were blind due to the war. Braille was a system used for the French army during battles. Louis Braille only made it simpler. The war should change something.

Why is the world ableist?  The excuse that this is an antient society doesn’t work my friend. The Egypt was a very including country. Blind people could be part of any social class. Dwarfs were part of the society since they had a dwarf god. In antient Japan blind people were expected to be independent. They could work with music, religion, telling stories etc. And the work of telling stories was very important since it made the Japanese tradition to continue. The excuse that this is an antient society is just this, an excuse. Now she could have used to say something. Leigh Bardugo used the ableism of her world to criticize the ableism of our world. I’m doing the same thing with my story. SJM made an ableist world just because.

That was my analysis. I’m sorry this was very long. I know this was a little confusing, but it was very difficult to put all the stuff that was in my mind in text. In my mind everythig made sense, but when I was writing it I realized I wasn’t following a logical argument. If that makes sense. Anyway, thank you for reading it.

If you read the books and realized I wrote something wrong, please tell me. If you are disabled and think I said something offensive, I’d love to hear you. If you are non-disabled and want to comment and give your opinion, feel free. And if you don’t want to comment, don’t do it. You can do whatever you want.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. This is my first post in Tumblr, so I don’t know if I tagged it right, if you want to help, I would be really grateful.

[mydisasteracademia]

Random Shigaraki Headcanons

This boi. This grubby boi. I love him so much but at the same time he would probably literally dust me so... (oof this one kinda dragged on and on... lol)

Literally has no idea about real-life relationship dynamics outside of what he’s observed in his own parents, in Sensei, and in Kurogiri. All he thinks in the beginning is that people who claim to love you will stand by and let you be hurt, that villains took care of him better than any damn hero, and that he can only truly rely on himself. (And Sensei.)

It takes a loooooooong time of interacting with other people to break himself out of this mindset, and even then, sometimes it comes creeping back if bad things happen.

Getting into canon territory with this one, but really, really, reeeeeeeeally hates heroes because they didn’t even bother to help him when he was going through a whole mental breakdown. Literally one of the only reasons he hates them so much. I know this is pretty much canon, but I doubt he would ever grasp Stain’s ideology of ‘maybe some are good’ because in his eyes, not even the underground pro heroes even bothered to see if he was okay. Remember the scene from the manga with the old lady when he was a child? Yeah. There were bound to be heroes he bumped into, even off-duty ones, and nobody even gave him another glance.

Has extremely bad abandonment issues. If he likes you, he’s gonna want to keep you because he didn’t really have anything nice to call his own while growing up, and Sensei kept him fairly isolated so he literally tolerates nobody else other than him and Kurogiri at first. Reacts horribly when his friends want to break off the friendship. Goes through a whole depressive episode for a while, his old insecurities pop back up, and he really thinks he’s worse than trash and not worth anyone’s time or attention for a while. Prime time for Sensei to further twist his mind.

On that same note, if you’re dating, for the love of everything still good in this world do not break his heart. He will never forgive you. Literally will go to the grave before he forgives you for doing what you did (whether it be cheating on him or completely dropping him like a hot potato). Although this might also extend to little issues that make him feel like you don’t love him enough, he’ll forgive you if you show him plenty of attention and apologize for whatever he was upset over. If you cannot remain patient through his toxic mindsets, it’s best not to get into a relationship in the first place with him if you want to still remain friends afterward, because breaking it off means instant heartbreak.

Anyway! Back to happier, funnier hcs!!

The whole embodiment of the “Wears black in summer because I look good and am willing to suffer” vine. Will not give up his comfy black shirt and sweats for anything because yes, he does look good in black, and yes, he is willing to suffer. He’ll switch to a v-neck tee though. Even he’s not that masochistic.

Really prone to dry skin. I know that’s canon, but just... this poor man can’t keep moisturized to save his own life. Constantly has to apply a special moisturizer that’s specifically made for ultra-sensitive skin and has no scents whatsoever.

Will gripe about having to spend so much money on ointment and moisturizer for both him and Dabi. It’s one of the very few things they bond over, other than having a shitty father and pushover family... and their hatred of All Might.

Shigaraki 100% would be Dabi’s alibi if he actually managed to kill Endeavor. When it comes to the shitty dad club, he’s a fuckin’ ride-or-die.

Kinda sensitive over the fact that both he and Midoriya have the same sort of red shoes, but he loves his pair too much to throw them out. Purposefully aims for Midoriya’s shoes every single time they meet each other on the off chance that they get ruined enough for him to get different shoes, unknowing that he literally can’t just... get differently-colored shoes due to him being originally Quirkless (yes, The Shoes™ theory strikes again)

Literally never forgets a single thing about people he cares about. He’s the type of person who will remember every single thing you tell him about yourself, and especially birthdays. While he doesn’t exactly show his affection very loudly, he would be the type of person who tell you “happy birthday” on the day of as soon as he first sees you, and would treat you a little nicer all day that day.

This boy just has the biggest, scarred heart for his ‘good crowd’. I cannot stress enough just how much like Midoriya he could’ve turned out if he hadn’t been abandoned by society. This mf would give the green bean a run for his motherfuckin money.

“I really just hate the world and everything in it... except for you, maybe I could make an exception for you because you’re nice to me and I appreciate your company too much”

Even though I hc quite a few League members to be like cats when it comes to affection, Shigaraki’s spirit animal is a cat. Likes to lounge about in off-moments, slow to affection and very quick to remember exactly how people treat him, yet if he likes you he shows affection quietly enough that it’s not obvious at first. Like “oh, you’re in the same room as me. It’s not like I missed you or anything, me sitting right next to you at the bar when it’s totally empty means nothing. The fact that I’m looking right at you when you’re talking doesn’t mean I like you.”

LOVES HUGS. If you hug him and he likes you, you’ve probably made his whole day. Depending on how things are going, probably his whole fucking week. Just please hug him, he needs positive affection so bad

Major tsun-tsun. The most tsun-tsun. Grumpy until you get to know him, and if he likes you he’ll show you in little ways: listening to your ideas more, letting you stay closer for longer, maybe getting you something like food.

AFRAID OF TOUCH. I REPEAT, AFRAID OF TOUCH. Not from anyone he likes, of course; this baby is so touch-starved that he deserves a thousand hugs. But if he likes you, he will not initiate physical affection because he’s so afraid of accidentally dusting you. The memories of his family dying (except for his father, because #FuckKotaro2k21) haunt him almost every time he dreams (and if that doesn’t, then other traumatizing events certainly do), and he absolutely would not forgive himself if he dusted his favorite League member/civilian.

Definitely likens the rest of the League to his MVPs after a while of knowing them. Knowing how he operates, it’s adorable.

Would begrudgingly let Toga play around with his hair. I can just see him sitting blank-faced, staring at the mirror as she talks about whatever while brushing and braiding it into a cute plait. He would be hesitant to undo her hard work afterward, no matter how much he grouches that it “ruins his boss vibe”.

The kind of person to go to McDonalds at 3 AM just because he was craving chicken nuggets and ranch. Yes, ranch. He’s an old-school mf who don’t got no time for no barbecue.

Gets really irritated over Toga mooning over Uraraka and Midoriya, but doesn’t stop her from talking about how much she wants to ‘be’ them. (Encourages homicide. Advises homicide. Spinner has to stop her from actually getting ready to commit homicide.)

Disgruntled™

G L O A T S about the time he took away Overhaul’s chance to use his Quirk. “Yeah, we would’ve been satisfied with Compress taking his left arm away to be petty, but then Overhaul had to be a sentient piece of dick cheese, and well, y’know I couldn’t let him get away with that”

It’s becoming a problem. The others have learnt to tune him out once he gets going. Compress just smiles under the mask when he remembers it. Nobody knows what he’s really thinking.

His damn crowning moment. His apex point. There’s no going further beyond that (until he finally defeats Midoriya and takes over Japan as the world’s most feared villain of all time).

“Shigaraki, I’mma let you finish, but AFO still holds the record for being the most infamous villain of all time! Of all time!” <-- let the boy dream okay, he’s been waiting for this moment his whole damn life

Can you tell that I’m still horribly salty over Overhaul being an ass? Because I’m still horribly salty over Overhaul being an ass

Chronic emo phase. Hears the G note and just sighs heavily

Has probably seen hentai. Doesn’t really get the appeal of high-pitched feminine screams. Probably more of a tiddy man than an ass man. Just... boobie

His first fictional crush was Aeris/Aerith. Legitimately lost his shit when she died.

Man Crush Monday is Sephiroth all the way. Especially his one-winged angel form. Wanted to cosplay him for Halloween but didn’t because the cosplay was too costly.

Will make “That’s what she said” jokes in the most deadpan voice. At least Mustard kinda snickers at them.

Probably would’ve been pretty patient with Eri. Her traumatic past certainly would’ve pitted her as a kindred spirit with him, and he would think her Quirk would be a powerful asset if used right. Probably would’ve practiced it by destroying something and then telling her to rewind it so that he can break it again.

Shigaraki, holding Eri by her armpits: “I’ve only had her for ten minutes but if anything happened to her I’d dust everyone in the room to make her feel better”

The rest of the League: “???????? Okay?????”

Legitimately holds a powerful grudge against parents who abuse or neglect their children, especially against abusive fathers. Almost as powerful as his hatred for All Might. Will actively go after someone he sees is abusive to their children and will not let them live.

Would probably adopt an orphan after killing their abusive parents. “Oh, that was your dad/mom/parent? Well guess you’re mine now. Let’s go get chicken nuggets, kid”

Might somehow rope Dabi into going abusive-parent-hunting with him during a raid. Takes great pleasure in seeing the guilty party’s horrified, pained look on their face as they slowly dissolve into a pile of ash.

[dylawa]

So @allmightluver​ made this FANTASTIC analysis into All Might’s character [Here] and how the current Manga arc (chapters ~300-305) really shows how he’s going through it, and, if you have the time to read it, I by all means am begging you to go read and reblog that post instead. But, for my own small-brained sake, I asked for their permission to create an abbreviated version of their post (which is still “long,” but it’s not a whole fanfic’s length long. It’s brilliant as it is! I am just weak).

This literally is just a rephrased edition of a much larger, more in-depth piece; it’s the equivalent of reading a book’s synopsis over the book itself, so GO. READ IT.

But, to those that are still here, this is a Thing about All Might. Again, all of this is just rephrased from @allmightluver​‘s [original post]; I kept most of the original context; maybe I’ll do a follow-up reblog with my own thoughts.

From as early as Toshinori’s childhood, to as late as his young teenage years, literally all he ever wanted was to be a hero people could see and know, “Everything is going to turn out okay, no matter how bad the situation is.” Many other heroes of the time, and even into current day BNHA, generally had other reasons for pursuing the line of work, but not him. There was no yearning for fame, lust for money, or a power trip, or anything like that. The only thing he wanted out of being a hero, was to get people to smile. To feel safe.

It’s not common for a 14 year old to come to this conclusion, so it’s pretty safe to assume Toshinori didn’t have the best childhood, whether that’s in his own personal life, or he really just had no filter between his home life, and the world of heroes and villains. Being Quirkless probably played a huge factor in all of that.

But then, what about Izuku? He was Quirkless, right? Here’s the thing: He had All Might to look up to. Toshinori? Nobody. Yes, Izuku had some of the same roadblocks, but All Might inspired him to keep going. There isn’t much to imply that Toshinori had a similar relationship to Nana when they first crossed paths, and hero culture was less of a fashion show than it is currently.

Nana was only able to mentor Toshinori for a few short years before she was brutally murdered, right in front of him, and after that, all he had was Gran Torino, who wasn’t exactly benevolent teacher material-- vicious enough that, even as an older man, Toshinori had severe reservations about speaking with him again; but back then, he was one of the only people that knew the pain he went through in losing Nana, not to mention knowledge of One for All itself. And even then, Torino instructed him to leave the country, once again leaving Toshinori all alone to figure out things for himself until he could confidently return to Japan.

And when he did come back, he had his work cut out for him; there was a lot of work to be done to get society as “surface-level gleaming” as it was under All Might’s thumb, and we see some of that in Vigilantes; staying up for days on end to save people, stop villains, and repair structural damage. He even falls asleep mid-jump at one point, because that’s all the time for rest he can squeeze in. But, by this point, the power of One For All has lead the public, and even other heroes to believe, that All Might has it under control; he doesn’t need help, or at least, nothing more than what they’re already giving. And sure, Endeavor did his part, but that was for him; he just wanted to surpass All Might, not help him.

Now, after his gruesome injury, Toshinori no longer has that ability to save people like he used to. He spent years doing nothing but serving the world, fighting an unseen force that nearly tore him in half, to the point that that evil force should have died, and, even after all of that, thinking he had won, that it was over, Nighteye still promised his untimely demise, before abandoning him for continuing to push himself as his organs threatened to fall out of his body. But, even if AFO was “gone,” there was still a whole other world of villains to deal with; the worst threat was gone, but that didn’t mean the world was safe.

And the only person who could maintain that peace, was All Might. Now, he was under pressure of a ticking clock. So, he kept going.

Which, of course, turned him into what we saw in the beginning of the manga/anime. He has a whole slew of physical issues that are only exacerbated by his lack of self care in favor of pushing himself as hard as he can to keep up his hero work, and because of that, he’s completely ruined his health outside of the All Might persona. The man is practically rotting from the inside out, and, though at first no one knows it’s All Might, people on the street look at this ghastly figure, and they know it. And he knows they know it. Could you imagine the stress he swallows down, knowing, one day, they will find out the truth?

And, let’s not forget how, once Nighteye left, Toshinori was left alone with his paperwork. Eventually, Tsukauchi took over, but that was only because Toshinori let it slip in a moment of deep stress just who he was. But, in the timespan between, it was all up to Toshinori to handle those things, on top of his hero work, and the bare-minimum of whatever he was doing to keep himself alive.

This part, I’m just quoting from @allmightluver​‘s post verbatim:

“People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.”

Some people in fandom say he sucks as a teacher, but first of all, do you remember who he had as a teacher? I’d say he’s leaps and bounds above Torino. Not to mention, he’s never been a teacher before, and he never planned to pass on OFA again. And just because someone’s a bad teacher (which, he could be worse), doesn’t mean they’re not smart: he’s got a 6/6 intelligence score. Which definitely doesn’t help when Izuku does something to hurt himself with his Quirk that he gave to him. He could very well think it’s his own fault.

And we haven’t even touched up on Dave yet! This man literally staged a hostage situation so he could get his hands on banned technology to try to extend All Might’s time, and hurt so many people in the process. There’s another friend gone.

And then, All For One comes back. A man Toshinori swore he killed. And then he has to fight him in front of the world, having his weakness exposed, and then being told this villain is grooming Nana’s grandson-- someone Toshinori failed to save, didn’t even know needed saving, because he didn’t know the kid existed. And he doesn’t get time to process that; he has to pretend he’s fine, even while he’s shown in this failing human form to the world, to stop AFO once more at great personal cost.

And then, OFA leaves him.

And then he has to deal the the ordeal of being human while Bakugo blames himself for it, while Nighteye dies and confesses he’s happy after all these years to see him on his last words, while watching Endeavor struggle with one Nomu on live television, while watching Bakugo almost take over the burden of carrying OFA, and, despite all of these horrible things occurring... he still confesses to his acquaintance, Aizawa, that he’s “decided to live.” Like it’s another burden to take on. How can this man not be horribly suffering deep down inside? We don’t see the extent of it, because he trained for so long to keep it buried deep down, and it’s harder as Toshinori than it was as All Might, but he’s still got severe trauma and chronic physical conditions that will last the rest of his life. And, yes, people made him promise to live, but only he “decided” he would do so.

And then, he does research into the OFA holders, and finds a gruesome secret. He could have sealed Izuku’s fate to an early grave, not just because of the nature of hero work, but because OFA users have what seems to be a natural predisposition to die early (due to those who previously had quirks being given OFA having their lifespan shortened because of it; Toshinori doesn’t know the full truth yet).

And pretty much right after he finds out that information, the world implodes on itself. Villains win a critical fight, and run amok. People are dying. Heroes are quitting. They blame him. The heroes that do remain can barely handle the load. Some even die. AFO escapes prison, Izuku is in critical condition-- everything he worked for for forty years, disintegrates overnight. Everything he did to himself in pursuit of a peaceful society meant nothing. And, he can feel his vestige within One For All, which isn’t a good sign.

Time is running out.

And he may not even die happy.

“People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.”

[colitisandthesigns17]

August 31, 2020

I can’t sleep, and I’m actually crying while I’m reading an article about Chadwick Boseman and his Colon cancer. And now I’m upset because the man couldn’t live in peace Because we live in a world where we monitor peoples weight more than we do their mental health. I relate to this so much because in the last two years, my weight has dropped drastically and till this day, as recent as two days ago, I have people asking me “omg do you eat? Where’s your legs” or “do you have legs or a stomach” . Yes. Yes I do. I weigh 123 on a good day, 120-121 on a normal day. And I’m happy with that weight because it has limited the pain I endure physically, along with nutrition. I happen to suffer from a very aggressive and chronic autoimmune disease as well as sub developed gastrointestinal diseases. It saddens me that Chadwick, didn’t have to tell people he was dealing with something so aggressive and hard, (lord i can imagine, because of my own medical history) but he could not just live in peace without anything be mentioned about weight. And who gives a flying fudge cake if someone has gained or lost. Maybe someone needed food to get them through the five minutes they thought they were going to end it all. Maybe that’s the way someone’s soul sings, making food for others and maybe along the way they got very excited. See.... people are always asking me oh Geena why/how do you stay at your weight? What diet do you use? Why don’t you drink? Why don’t you eat ice cream and bread? How is this too spicy for you? Makes sense why you don’t eat. (ALL LEGIT THINGS I HAVE HEARD, BEYOND MORE IN MY LIFE)

You should be asking, if I’m mentally okay if the person next to you is. We appreciate it a lot more. And maybe in a poetic way, maybe she/he are carrying the weight of the world and their inner thoughts, they forgot to feed themselves. Maybe, maybe they need a human soul. Not a human mouth.

So next time you question someone’s weight or even your own, ask yourself what’s really going on before you start commenting on their weight. It’s not nice and it doesn’t feel good. And if you know someone who struggles with something. Maybe ask about what they are struggling with if you have the relationship. If not, try and find a nice way to address it. Either way, get a grip. Unfortunately it is a reality of mine to deal with everyday that one day, Chadwick Boseman could be me, And I pray if there ever comes a time where I have Colon cancer, or any form of anything more severe than what I have now, there’s no one concerened with my weight as much as they are concerned with my mental state. Because that’s what really kills people.... and emotions.

And btw if someone doesn’t want to eat the same food you’re eating. So what. And if someone doesn’t want to eat. Let it be. (Unless it’s life of death, or something like yeah you know whatever, you’re smart) Anyways, let people be. And if there’s a time where someone with colitis or anything else wants to eat something they normally don’t, make sure it’s okay (if you have that relationship) and just let them be, I’m sure they are dying to indulge and feel okay, physically and in their head.

Thank you for listening to my can’t sleep ted talk. Thank you for listening to my crying angry rant about the media and horrible people and how I have dealt with that and why it makes me cry EVERY time. At the end of the day, we have all been through so much, we can and should master those that we love and help us all together. Stop looking at someone weight as value and as healthy or not, because you have no idea what their version of healthy is and what someone has been or has dealt with before the “weight gain or weight loss”. Y’all kill me with the comparisons. Okay tears are drying. Thank you assholes. Have a great day in this horrid world.

With love,

Edward Scissorhands

[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - ch 2

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna Chapter Two

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

Read on Ao3

Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

Anna had already decided she would be stopping by Arendelle Roasts after her treatment today and prayed Kristoff would be working again this time. She wouldn’t dare tell Elsa. Her sister had insisted on tagging along but since Elsa hadn’t been feeling well, Anna used it as an excuse to tell her to sit this one out.

Was it horrible for her to use her sister’s health issues as an excuse so she could go talk to a guy? Yes. Absolutely. But Anna had a life-threatening disease that could easily take her out. She only had one life to live and if involved flirting with a big, burly, blonde barista… how could Anna resist?

Anna glared at the I.V. drip. It was taking far too long. Did it always drip that slowly? How did Elsa have this much patience when she accompanied her? Usually, she would feel a bit drained after a round of chemo, but Anna had to keep her energy up. For… reasons.

Her toes tapped on the carpet as she stared at her book in her lap. The words on the page jumbling together as Anna simply almost went cross-eyed at the font. Her brain was nowhere near focused enough to process the English language. All she could think about was what she would say to Kristoff when she saw him. Honestly, she hadn’t planned this idea out at all. What if she got tongue tied!? She didn’t have Elsa to help her out of this one.

Maybe, this was a bad idea. Going home was probably the better option, right? Who was she fooling? Like she told Elsa: no man would willingly date a bald girl with no boobs. Anna didn’t think she was really anything to look at before all of this, let alone now.

She slammed the book closed, groaning as she pulled out her phone instead. How would she know that Kristoff was even working again? It wasn’t like she knew his shifts or anything. If this stupid chemo didn’t hurry up she really would lose her mind.

Why had he noticed her in the first place!? Well, she knew why she garnered the attention of others, but his attention was different. Why didn’t he look at her like everyone else had?

She had to know why. Desperately desired more knowledge about him… Elsa had gotten her to admit she found him to be attractive. Almost looked out of place for his career choice. She idly wondered if this was just a temporary job for him… She remembered how broad his shoulders were, the messiness of his blonde locks, his hands—God, his hands—were so much bigger than hers. The touch of his rough skin had startled her when she handed over her sister’s credit card. What would it be like if she held his hand? Would his fingers engulf hers?

…And she was way off base here. There was no indication from him that he was interested in her like that. She couldn’t even bring herself to admit having tiny crush on him… She was a grown ass adult, dammit! She couldn’t be fawning over some—some… guy she saw in a coffee shop. Anna wasn’t that desperate little girl who desired the love of a prince charming anymore. She’d been there, done that, and learned that lesson.

But still. Yes. Maybe—Maybe, he was cute. But that was okay. She could admit someone was cute. Didn’t mean she wanted to date him. Or—sleep with him?

Wait. No.

Stop.

Not going there.

Anna shook her head, clearing her head of such thoughts. She knew what men desired. And she certainly wasn’t it. Not anymore. Her body was weak and scrawny. At times, she barely even felt like a person herself. Besides, ever since starting chemo her sex drive was zilch. Of course, she hadn’t told anyone that. Elsa wasn’t one to discuss such topics. And like hell she’d tell Gerda. It was embarrassing enough to lose her libido. Talking about it would be much worse.

She couldn’t help it though. Her attraction to Kristoff did elicit some thoughts in her mind. He was just so different than Hans. Or any other man she’d found desirable in the past. Since when did she like thicker men with big hands and probably bigger—nope.

Anna felt her face flush, mortified. No. Nada. She would not—could not have such thoughts about a man she had just met. Why did her mind keep wandering to improper territories? She tried to reason with herself. She hadn’t been—intimate with anyone in a while. She’d been going through treatments almost three months, she left Hans after her diagnosis five months prior… And she stopped sleeping with him when their relationship was on its last threads. That had to be why. A completely reasonable explanation as to why she’d be thinking about Kristoff in that way. About how it may feel to be wrapped in his arms and—

Dr. Mattias opened the door.

Thank God.

“Good afternoon, Anna,” he began as he started in the room. “How are we feeling today?”

Sighing, she smiled at him as he took a seat on the stool across from her. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You look awfully flushed.”

Her hand went to her cheek, feeling the heat on her skin. “Ah—I-It’s a little hot in here, I guess.”

Dr. Mattias eyed her a moment. He could usually see right through her. “Do we need to adjust the thermostat?”

“No! It’s fine. Just—I’m fine.”

Humming, he wrote on his clipboard in hand. “Okay… What about symptoms? What have you been feeling?”

“Fatigue, mostly. I’ve been tired all the time. Sometimes I lose my breath if I’m too active and need to sit down,” she told him before pursing her lips. “The mouth sores are pretty bad.”

That got him to look up from his writing. “Mouth sores?”

“Yeah. I have a lot of ulcers. I’ve been sticking to soup and liquid foods to help the pain. Solid foods haven’t really been my friend. I-It feels like I’m eating bits of glass. I can’t—I can’t really taste much either. But all of that is normal, right?”

With a sympathetic nod, he took more notes on his paper. “Yes, those are definitely side effects I’ve seen from treatment before. I would suggest getting a mouth sore rinse. Should be near regular mouth wash in a store. It won’t prevent more from appearing, but it’ll at least relieve some of the pain from the ones you already have. There’s nothing we can really do about loss of taste, but most patients have their taste return once in remission.”

Anna nodded in understanding. “That’s great! So, I won’t be like this forever?”

Dr. Mattias smiled at her optimism. “Most likely,” he paused, giving her another glance and cleared his throat. “Anna, I need you to be honest with me. If the pain becomes too much, a feeding tube is always an option.”

He hadn’t meant for the statement to jar her as it had, she knew. But it did anyway. Silently, she gave a nod, unable to look him in the eyes.

“I’m not trying to scare you—by any means. However, the last thing I want to put you through is unnecessary suffering,” he explained.

“I understand.”

                                                       o~o~o~o

 Arendelle Roasts wasn’t too far from the hospital. That’s how Elsa had discovered the quaint coffee shop in the first place. It was only about a ten-minute walk. Anna could make it, she knew. Despite being a little drained and sore, she would be fine. She had stuck around the hospital for a bit anyway, got a small healthy snack, and met with the counselling group. It gave her plenty of time to sit and gather herself.

Starting her walk, she would see if he was there before she strolled in the doors of the shop, thankfully. The large windows showed the entire inside of the establishment. Anna tried to be casual when she looked for him. She smiled despite herself when she saw him behind the register. There was someone else with him today, and she worried a bit that maybe the other guy would try to take her order.

But… mustering up her pride, she walked in the door anyway. The bell chimed over the doorway, making the boys look up. Kristoff seemed stunned to see her and said something to the other guy quickly before shooing him.

“A-Anna,” Kristoff sputtered as she reached the counter. He glanced behind her. “No Elsa today?”

“O-Oh.”

Shit. She knew she’d forgotten something. A lie to tell him as to why she was here. He was looking at her expectantly. Anna knew he’d probably buy whatever she told him, but what made the most sense?

“Well, Elsa’s sick today and couldn’t come out today. S-So, I thought I’d bring her a latte back home.”

Kristoff smiled at that with a nod. “S’mores. 12-ounce, right?”

Blinking, her jaw went slack. He remembered what she had ordered for Elsa. And it had been almost two weeks since she last saw this man. Again, he was looking at her. Shit, she was slow today. But he never gave her any sign he was annoyed or irritated. He just—just waited patiently.

“Y-Yeah. That’s right.”

“Got it,” he said and started towards the machine. Anna pulled out her card, fingers quivering as she waited. God, she kinda hoped he would touch her hand again. He was so warm last time.

When he returned with the cup, she went hand him the card, but he held up a hand to stop her. “I’m off the clock. Consider it on the house.”

Anna gaped. “Wait, what?”

Kristoff laughed at that. “I’m clocked out. I’ll pay for the coffee.”

“Thank you,” she replied, stunned and awestruck that he made her coffee when he wasn’t on shift anymore.

Do it, Anna. Just do it! Ask him! Ask him to talk! He’s not working! Do it, do it, do it!!

“Since you’re off the clock would you—uh—want to—t-talk? Talk to me? Like hang out? Uh…”

Great. She sounded like an idiot. His eyes widened at her, lips parted.

The other boy came back around the corner before Kristoff could answer. “Ryder,” according to his nametag. But Kristoff’s was wrong… so who knew if that was his name. He smiled. “Hi! You must be Ann—oof!”

Kristoff elbowed him quickly. “12-ounce, s’mores latte. Write it on my tab,” he said swiftly before turning his attention back to her. “And yes. We can stay here, if you’d like?”

Anna nodded quickly, trying not to seem too eager. Smiling, he took off his vest before shooting a glare towards Ryder who just smirked far too smugly. Kristoff ruffled his blonde locks. “I’ll be right back. You can find a table? O-Or it doesn’t have to be a table, obviously, can be one of the couches if that’d make you more comfortable. Or downstairs, or the—”

Ryder cleared his throat.

Cheeks flushing, Kristoff’s mouth snapped shut. “I’ll find you.” He retreated to a back room.

Anna tapped the cup in her hand and took a step back.

“Nice to meet you, Anna,” the barista grinned.

She giggled at that, giving him a curt nod. “Ryder?”

He nodded as customers began to trickle in as the bell chimed.

Anna found a table nestled in the back of the coffee shop. A habit she’d come to develop since her treatments began. The less noticeable she was, the less stares she got. Kristoff easily found her, though, pulling out the seat across from her on the table.

“I’m guessing you can’t be here long?” he asked.

She was confused by that. “What?” she tilted her head, a puzzled look etched along her face.

He gestured towards the coffee with his head. “The coffee. For Elsa. It’ll get cold if you stay here too long.”

Anna sucked in a breath at that. “Oh! Right! Um. No. I don’t have to leave. Cold coffee has never really bothered her, anyway. S-She could always warm it back up if she wanted to. In the, uh, microwave?”

A smirk twitched along his lips. “Okay… If you say so. I would suggest pouring it into a mug before doing that.”

Nodding quickly, Anna agreed. “Right.”

Why was she like this!? She never… well, she’d always been awkward. But with Hans she’d never felt this? It was exciting and new with him since she’d never had a guy look her way before. With Kristoff, however, her heart pounded, words tumbled from her mouth before she could rationally think about it.

How much was of it was Kristoff? How much of it was chemo brain?

She didn’t know.

There it was again. That look he gave her as if he was waiting for her to speak. But instead of thinking she blurted out: “So, what do you do?”

Blinking, he bit back a smile, obviously trying not to laugh as Anna let out a mortified groan and plopped her head on the table. “Don’t answer that,” she muttered.

He did anyway. “I make coffee sometimes.”

Scoffing, more at her stupid question than him, she dared to look up at him. “You don’t say?”

Kristoff hid a chuckle behind his hand. “I’m in doing on the job training for construction on the weekends,” he told her. “I enrolled in some classes over at East too. That’s what else I do.”

Anna perked at that. She could talk about that. “I went to East… before.”

She didn’t need to elaborate. He seemed to understand as he nodded. “What’d you study?”

“English.”

He grimaced with a hiss.

“Hey, it’s not that bad, really. I planned to go to uni and study British Literature, but ya know, life had other plans,” she said with a shrug.

Kristoff hummed in agreement. “Yeah, it tends to throw curveballs, but it’s how you deal with it that matters, right?”

Brows raising, she was a bit shocked at his words. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Sooo… tell me, what about you? Do you do anything?”

Anna shook her head. “I can’t work right now, and I’ve never had a job before.”

He seemed confused at that. “What? You’ve never had a job? How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-one,” she replied before giving him a look. “What about you? How old are you?”

“Twenty-four.”

She gaped. “What? You’re the same age as Elsa.”

“Wait, really? Did you both grow up here?”

Anna cocked a brow but nodded. “Yes, we did.”

Kristoff humphed, clearly confused as he leaned onto his palm. “I never saw Elsa in any classes in high school. Did you go to academy?”

“Oh! Elsa was homeschooled. And I enrolled at the academy sophomore year.”

“Aah, that explains it. A prep-school girl, huh?” he teased.

Anna had heard that there was reputation for those that went to the private school in the town. Mostly that they were snobby rich kids. Which—well—it wasn’t wrong. She had dated a snobby rich boy. For far too long.

She leaned onto the table with her, resting her chin on her palms. “Got a problem with academy kids, Kristoff?”

He barked a laugh at that. “I graduated five years ago. That is not something I worry over anymore.”

Anna hummed teasingly. “Sounds like you’re still a little bitter,” she chimed, touching her fingers together.

“Because your rich parents could send you to the uppity school? Nah.”

He didn’t know. She knew he didn’t know. But it didn’t stop the words from panging in her chest just a little. “My parents actually passed away. That’s—uh—that’s why I ended up enrolled in school in the first place.”

The panic that set in his eyes made her feel worse for telling him. “Oh, God. Anna—I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean—I tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot so if I ever just—I’ll shut up.”

His hands were clenched on the table, knuckles turning white as he gazed down at his lap. He was so mortified, and it was written all over his face. Daring, she reached out and placed her frail fingers over the back of his palm. She smiled when he glanced up at her.

“It’s okay. It’s—It’s one of the curveballs you talked about, right?”

He released a breath, shaking his head. “God, Anna. What have you been through?”

A sour laugh left her lips at that. “More than I could begin to describe.”

Kristoff shot a glance at where her tiny fingers were touching his. She almost pulled away when he placed his other hand over hers, trapping her hand there. “Anytime you need to talk, I’m all ears. I know what difference it can make to have someone to listen.”

Anna felt her cheeks heat. “I-I… Wow. Th-Thank you. That’s so nice of you. You’re—wow. You’re really nice.”

Shaking his head, he shied away from her. Anna almost frowned at the loss of skin contact but tried not to react. “I’m not,” he chuckled. “I used to be kind of a jerk. I always—I dunno. I used to really hate being around people.”

“Sounds like you have some stuff to talk about too.”

He snorted. “Maybe, but we’ll save that for another day.”

“We will?”

“I-I mean—” he cleared his throat, suddenly finding the creamer on the table much more interesting than her face. “I-If you want to, of course. We could t-talk again. H-Hang out again?”

Anna smiled at that. “Sure, I’d like that.”

She watched as he swallowed thickly. “Could I have your number…?”

Nodding quickly, she pulled her phone from her pocket as he did the same. Exchanging phones, they put one another’s numbers in the devices. She noticed that he had actual pictures of people in his phone. People still did that…? She looked up nervously from his phone. “U-Um… could the picture part wait?”

His brows pinched slightly. “Uh, sure. Is something wrong?”

“Well, I hate to state the obvious, but I’m bald.”

“Oh, really? I thought you just really liked hats.”

“Kristoff.”

He barked a laugh as he plucked his phone from her fingers. “Yes, the picture can wait until you have hair, if that makes you feel better.”

Anna smirked as he slid her phone back to her across the table. “Thank you.”

He stood from his seat. “I… I really enjoyed talking to you, Anna. Unfortunately,” he checked the time on his phone, looking at her with an apologetic frown. “I’ve been here for over six hours, and my dog will tear my house apart if I stay too much longer.”

God… he looked even taller when she was sitting. Anna stood to join him in an instant but regretted the action immediately when the world spun around her. She blinked, swaying a bit but trying to play off the reaction. She must’ve not hidden her distress well since Kristoff grabbed her upper arm to steady her. If she hadn’t been so woozy, she may have blushed or taken notice of how his hand swallowed her bicep as if she were a toothpick. That was for another day, another time.

“Are you okay?” he asked, tilting to see her face.

Squeezing her eyes, she silently willed the dizzy spell to stop. She tried to wave him off, tried to pretend nothing was wrong. This happened sometimes. It wasn’t something new. But in front of someone else…? In front of someone she really thought she may have a chance with? Out in public? That was new. And she hated it.

Anna groaned, grabbing her head.

“Anna, hey, when was your last treatment?”

“Today…” she managed to answer. “Few hours ago.”

His jaw dropped. “And you came here? You didn’t go home?”

Anna couldn’t tell him the truth. Couldn’t dare to admit that she’d come to see him. Swallowing, she grimaced with a shrug. “Uh, Elsa wanted her coffee.”

Kristoff gave her a look before shaking his head and cracking a small smile. “Right… Why don’t you sit back down?”

“No, no. I’m fine. You have to get ho—” Anna retched, bending at the waist as the granola she’d eaten earlier was suddenly in bits on the floor. Bile burned her throat, the taste sour in her mouth. She coughed more, vaguely hearing Kristoff call for his coworker. The world was a blur, she didn’t know how she ended up sat back in the chair, bent over a small, plastic garbage can.

Was the feeling of his palm running along her arm real? She couldn’t be sure. Her body trembled as she emptied whatever contents were left in her stomach into the trash. Her throat ached, eyes watered both from the puking and the humiliation of it all. She’d be lucky if Kristoff ever spoke to her again after this.

“I’ll be right back,” he’d told her as his warmth left her.

She bobbed her head, hugging herself and running tremoring fingers over her arms. People were looking at her now. The “poor you” stare even worse than normal. This sucked. Anna just wanted to live normally for once. Hang out with a guy that was cute… then she blew it. Literally. All over his shoes. Her bottom lip wobbled as she held in fresh tears that threatened to fall.

When she looked up, Kristoff had a mop. Anna watched in a stunned silence as she cleaned up this mess she had created. He’d apparently wiped off his shoes since they were free of any bile. Tears slipped out, then. He noticed.

Offering her a warm smile, he shook his head. “Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re not the first person to puke in here,” he spoke lightly. “It’s usually coffee which—smells much worse.” Kristoff scrunched his nose.

She listened. His reassuring voice making her heart swell just a little. Anna wasn’t sure if him being so nice to her helped or just made her more emotional. He was meticulous with his mopping before taking the bucket towards the back room. He returned, and after he placed a wet floor sign in the area, he squatted in front of her.

“Do you need a ride home?”

Anna scoffed at him. “Really? You’re not afraid I may puke in your car?”

He shrugged. “So what?”

“You… You are something else.”

 She agreed to the ride, though.

                                                     o~o~o~o

 Kristoff’s jaw dropped when they pulled up to the mansion in his pick-up. “Holy shit, Anna. This is where you live?”

With a little laugh, she shrugged. “Yeah?”

Elsa was out the door. “Anna!” her sister enveloped her in her arms before she was barely out of the truck. “God, you scared me! I thought you had collapsed in the street! Where—” It was then her sister looked past her and saw that it wasn’t a kind stranger that gave Anna a ride home like she’d insinuated via text.

Anna held up the latte. “I got you your latte!” she practically shouted.

Her sister squinted at her, taking the coffee. “This is cold,” she muttered with a frown.  

“It’s fine.”

Kristoff was walking around the truck to join them, letting out an impressed whistle. “Wow.” He turned to the girls, offering the elder sister a smile. “Nice to see you again, Elsa.”

Elsa smiled politely with a nod. “Likewise, Kristoff. Thank you for bringing Anna home. I’m sorry if she caused you any trouble,” her voice was stern in the last bit of the sentence, glowering at Anna.

He waved, shaking his head. “No, no!”

“He’s lying. I puked in the coffee shop.”

Elsa gaped. “Anna. You know better than to exert yourself after chemo.”

“I know, I know,” Anna sighed as her sister fretted over her.

“U-Um,” Kristoff started, gaining the attention of both sisters. “I really have to go,” he awkwardly gestured to his truck with his thumbs. “My dog… I don’t even want to know what he’s done to my house.”

Anna stepped towards him. “I’ll pay for anything he’s destroyed. Promise.”

Shaking his head, he looked at her in almost disbelief. “That’s totally unnecessary. I enjoyed getting to talk to you today. If anything, it’s my fault for keeping you so long.”

Kristoff jumped in his truck, rolling down the passenger side window. “I’ll—uh—I’ll text you?”

She bobbed her chin quickly. “Y-Yeah! T-Thanks again, Kristoff. For—For everything today.”

He smiled at that, giving a quick wave as he rolled the window up.

Anna stayed on the front steps of the mansion, watching as he backed out and drove away. Her hands gripped her chest as she felt like she could just collapse in a melted heap.

Elsa’s hand plopped on her shoulder. “You puked in the coffee shop?”

“Don’t patronize me.”

She laughed at that before taking her sister’s hand and tugging her inside.

Anna flopped on the couch, letting out a huff of air, her cheeks puffing out.  “I’ll be lucky if Kristoff ever wants to talk to me after this,” she groaned, smacking her palms over her eyes.

“Well, he did bring you home.”

“He wasn’t going to leave a girl with cancer who just puked on his shoes out to dry in the coffee shop. It doesn’t mean he still wants to talk to me, Elsa. I totally messed this up.”

Elsa hummed, tapping a comforting hand on Anna’s thigh. “I think you’re overreacting just a little.”

“Elsa, this is literally the end of the world, I don’t know how else I should react.”

Her sister laughed. “Uh huh.”

Anna pouted in her self-sorrows for a few minutes as Elsa affectionately rubbed her palm along her scalp. They hadn’t gotten to share moments like this as they grew up. It was nice to have it now. Elsa never got to help her little sister through boy troubles, even though it wasn’t the elder sister’s area of expertise. Hans was aggressive. Just suddenly in her life, then suddenly out. Elsa couldn’t stand him, had told Anna as much, but the younger sister wanted someone to love her. And that was that.

She felt like a silly teenager after the whole incident. It was like one of those humiliating moments in teen drama movies. Anna suddenly understood the overwhelming dread one felt when put in such a situation.

When her phone pinged, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  Kristoff: would you like to grab lunch with me sometime?

 She sat up so fast she nearly threw her equilibrium off again. “Elsa!”

Elsa took the phone, grinning at the message before shoving the phone back into Anna’s hand. “You’re going to say ‘yes,’ right?”

Anna nodded quickly typing out the quick reply. “I don’t sound desperate, do I?”

“Anna.”

“No. You’re right. Just say yes.”

 Anna went to bed smiling like an idiot. She tossed and turned in her bed… before burying her face in the pillow and squealing.

[blakelywintersfield]

what do you think about cancel culture?

So it took me a while to answer this ask ‘cause I have... a lot to say about the subject.

There’s a lot to unpack when it comes to cancel culture. Its roots I like to believe are well intended -- a means to alert vulnerable groups about individuals that have a history of hurting them. But people have taken it... way too far.

I think it’s important to hold people accountable for their actions. There’s a lot of people who get away with horrible things, simply because they produce likeable material (makeup, music, movies, entertainment, etc.). People like Jeffree Star, PewDiePie, and Kat Von D have gotten away with their horrific treatment of others for years because people enjoy their content -- and two out of three of them still are wildly successful. What pushes people over the limit? Often times it’s a matter of what white people take major issue in. In Kat’s case, being anti-vax. Is being anti-vax bad? Hell yeah it is. As someone who’s immuno-compromised it literally could lead to an early, painful, slow death for me. And don’t get me wrong, I wanna die, but not from something that takes months of suffering. But people blatantly ignored her other awful acts -- such as her antisemitic actions (telling her former boss to “burn in hell jewbag” (sic) in the form of writing on a photo she left for him and drawing a Nazi symbol on it), complacency in victim blaming (her neo-Nazi husband blames his daughter’s rape on his daughter), denying and viciously responding to criticisms about her pedophilic makeup names (”Underage Red”, “Lolita”, second not in reference to the Japanese style but the book), and actively killing her pets (she killed one cat by leaving a house full of burning candles -- cat knocked down the candles, house went up in flames, cat died; she also was found forcing a vegan diet onto her cats -- I’m unsure if this has continued but I believe one of her cats died from it). All of these are huge reasons to “cancel” her -- to boycott her products. But people didn’t actively hate her until she came out as anti-vax, something that effects the majority. And that’s part of the issue with cancel culture: people pick and choose what’s acceptable depending on how badly it effects them personally.

Let’s focus on the other two mentioned: Jeffree and Felix. Jeffree has a very, very, veryyyyy long past of being a racist piece of shit. Not even lowkey ignorant white person racist (i.e. ”I didn’t know making fun of AAE and viewing dreadlocks as trashy was racist”). I’m talking straight up using the n-slur, with the hard -er too, towards a black woman. And this was recent, too. There just haven’t been any physical references beforehand, only personal accounts. But people have defended him -- and still defend him -- on these actions, because he apologized. But then he’ll do it again a month later. And there’ll be definitive proof of it. He’ll keep doing it over, and over, and over again. And people will continue to excuse him because he keeps apologizing! That’s not how apologies work! As someone who’s been abused, apologies mean nothing if you don’t actively work on fixing what you’re apologizing for!! My abusers would apologize and then do the exact same thing again so many times that I lost count long ago! And of course, Shane Dawson hasn’t helped because he’s head over heels for the guy, so he’s been using his popularity to try and clear his name -- which is ironic, considering he’s been under fire for being racist in the past too. The only difference is he actually cleaned his act up, until now, of course. Because now, instead of creating racist content himself, he’s defending a chronically racist shitbag. And people continue to defend him, because his shitty actions effects mainly black women -- a minority in comparison to the amount of white people in the states. Jeffree continues to be wildly successful because his problematic behavior only effects a minority, and that’s... not okay.

Felix has a very similar history to Jeffree, but with antisemitism, and in my opinion he’s even worse because he’ll apologize then do something nice like donate to a charity. And that would be fantastic if he wouldn’t continue to do antisemitic things like actively support white supremacists. People continue to defend him because he does charitable things, but I constantly remind people that abusive people aren’t abusive 24/7 -- that’s literally how they get away with abuse. They abuse, then take you out for a fancy date, kiss you gently and tell you how beautiful you are. Then they do something abusive. It’s an endless cycle. And that’s honestly what Felix does. Apologize, do something really fucking nice, and then repeat his shitty action. And he has other extremely influential people defend him -- it’s why I had to stop following JackSepticEye and Markiplier. They continuously vouched for him. They continuously defended him. And they did it in the form of saying “he’s a really good person, I know him personally, he’s really fucking sweet and nice”. That’s what people say about the partner of someone really close to me! Their friends defend them all the time, but they’ve never seen how they treat my friend. They don’t know about how they are in a relationship. And that’s all we ever hear about abusers. No one wants to accept that their longtime friend is shitty. But Mark and Sean contribute to the toxic ideology of “defend your friends to the end”. And it disenfranchises those effected because 1) they’re not Jewish, they have absolutely no say in the matter, and 2) they’re abusing their popularity to keep their friend from being properly criticized. I don’t think either of them are shitty people, per se, but they’re being extremely toxic by not letting their friend see that they’re a repeat offender and need to either work on their shit or face the music. Mark and Sean both have the power to make Felix change if they just give him the ultimatum of “us or this”.

But I digress. The main issue highlighted here is that people who actually do bad things and continue to do bad things aren’t being held accountable because people don’t care to acknowledge what doesn’t directly effect them. This is the first main issue with cancel culture.

Let’s focus on another man under scrutiny: John Lennon. Now, let me put out there for disclaimer purposes that this man is far from perfect and has problematic parts to him as well. He’s done some shitty things. But cancel culture looooooooves to dig at this man. To put it crudely, they really enjoy beating this dead... man. And mainly over one really bad thing he did, which was hit his wife. However, people love to 1) over-exaggerate it, and 2) completely ignore how he handled the aftermath. Cancel culture often refers to him as a “wife beater”, as though this were a chronic habit or that he severely brutalized his wife. But they conveniently ignore that he apologized, both to her and publicly, taught himself about domestic abuse and spoke up for women’s rights, and even wrote multiple songs about how he fucked up and he shouldn’t be excuse for what he did. And, most importantly, his wife forgave him. The victim in this situation forgave him, and people still dig into this one thing and use it as their reason to hate him and his band to this day. Genuine criticism of him and what he’s done have gone to the wayside because of this one fact with no context, and it’s a huge phenomena because people, for whatever reason, love to hate popular things. Like I said, he’s done shitty things! He wasn’t perfect! But to use one issue that was literally resolved to hate him is just a lazy excuse to hate what’s popular, and that comes to our second issue with cancel culture: people want to hate what’s popular and will go to any lengths to excuse their hatred, even if issues that have been resolved.

The last main issue I have is that cancel culture is often set up in very black and white terms. Person does bad thing, they’re bad, end of discussion. But that’s... not how life works. Not at all. I know religion isn’t universal, especially Christianity, but there’s one point in Christianity that is universal: humans are flawed. No human being to have ever existed is perfect. And with the rise of technology and social media, a lot of mistakes have a permanent proof out there. Be it through tweets, tumblr or Facebook posts, Instagram or Snapchat stories, whatever it is, there is proof. And people like to take it way too far.

For example... well, I’ll use myself. There’s good things to not being tumblr famous, and I’m blessed with that, because I used to be a major shithead. Well. Okay, I still am, but I was bigoted, uninformed, and had a lot of internalized issues. For anyone that doesn’t know, I was raised in a conservative Christian household where my father was Southern Baptist and my mother had been raised Catholic (her personal religious views are much more lax though, thankfully). Both came from small towns in Illinois and Missouri respectively, and their parents, the same. I was aggressively homophobic and transphobic (ironic, eh?), covertly racist and sexist, and just overall a really shitty person. And while I didn’t join tumblr until after I’d finally started to grow, a lot of people on here are younger -- some even lying about their age and joining before they’re 13. And like me, many of these kids are in close-minded households. And for the longest time I refused to listen to other people because of the good ol’ backfire effect, but once I began to accept I was wrong, I learned. Of course I still have learning to do -- I always do. I always will. And that’s okay. But if I were 12 year old me on tumblr today, I would, well. I would’ve probably killed myself by now, because of all the bullying and hate for being a shithead child. A shithead, yes. But a child. Someone that’s going to be ignorant to a lot of things because they haven’t been alive for as long. And not everyone has informed parents that make it a point to teach them. Adults are a little harder to forgive, I’ll admit, but children have a lot more potential to learn and grow, and we often treat them just like adults.

The final issue with cancel culture is that it gives no room for improvement and no assumption of someone’s innocence. While it hurts to be on the victim end, we as a whole are obligated to correct the issue. I personally would like it to be those not effected doing that (i.e. someone making a transphobic comment having other cis people explain why it’s transphobic and isn’t okay), but regardless, we need to assume innocent until guilty with these kinds of things. It’s not easy, sure, but if I had been on tumblr while I was a shitty kid parroting my dad’s awful world views, cancel culture would’ve labeled me a piece of shit with no chance of redemption, and if I didn’t kill myself there’s no fucking way in hell I would’ve learned, because that kind of treatment would’ve stuck with me and made it harder for me to listen to the other side’s reasoning, even if they were right. We need to approach people in a manner of calm education, instead of ready to kill. In no way am I saying this is an easy thing to do, but unless they’ve refused to open themselves up in any way whatsoever, immediately chalking someone up as a lost cause is just... counter-productive. We have to acknowledge that people are flawed, and can learn and grow. We need to give people space to improve. It’s not all or nothing.

All in all, cancel culture has a good base, but its execution has become irrational and a means to justify hating those that really don’t deserve it, while turning a blind eye to those that actually are problematic. There’s a lot to be improved on.

[sage-nebula]

@nerd-bastard replied to your post: “I’m going to make numerous posts about season two of The Dragon Prince...”

well said. i'm still a little raw after vld, and part of me is still upset that the writers deemed it necessary for them to die, but yeah, p much everything you already said. i'm willing to try and trust them based on how clearly important social justice is to their story.

First, I’m sorry this reply is so late! I laid down to rest pretty much immediately after I wrote that post last night and then slept for . . . a long time, haha. But I do want to reply to you, because I have seen a lot of comparisons to VLD ever since The Dragon Prince released, but I really, truly believe we don’t have anything to worry about here. I truly believe there is not even a sliver of a chance that The Dragon Prince will end up anything like VLD. And if I can pass a bit of that reassurance onto you, then I want to (or at least, I want to try).

(Note: This is very long, and also full of VLD negativity / salt / criticism.)

Before anything else, I just want to say that I completely understand being burned by VLD. I don’t know how much you know about my personal feelings on it given that you just started following me recently, but I actually dropped the show after season six because the way Lotor was treated in season six made me so upset that I had to miss work the next day because I was so physically ill from panic attacks. I’m a mixed-race child abuse survivor myself, and so to see Lotor treated the way that he was---to have JDS and LM confirm in a post-season interview that their intention really was to say, “unless you have a good parental figure in your life [like Keith had Shiro, was the example they used], you’ll end up evil and/or just like your abusive parents” was just too much for me. There were already a thousand reasons why I was upset with them for things they had done in VLD and in interviews (e.g. how they used the slur “half-breed” to refer to mixed-race characters, their treatment of female characters such as the generals, and so on), but that was the final straw. I know what happened in seasons seven and eight because it was impossible for me not to hear about it given how big the fandom is, so I know all about the queerbaiting with Adam and what their intentions were with him and Shiro’s sexuality, but I didn’t actually watch myself (outside of select bits of s8 because I couldn’t resist childhood flashbacks for Lotor), and I will not watch anything JDS or LM work on ever again. They have no respect or care for people like me, so I will not have any for them.

So I completely, completely understand still feeling hurt and upset over VLD. Believe me when I say that I am in the same boat, and I have nothing but empathy for you. But I also really, truly believe that we have nothing to fear when it comes to The Dragon Prince and its crew.

To begin with, just some base comparisons:

Voltron: Legendary Defender was produced by DreamWorks Animation, and though both LM and JDS have said that they were fans of the original 80s Voltron series, I think it’s far more believable that they accepted their roles of executive producers for VLD more because of the paycheck and the career boost it would give them than anything else. Surely, DreamWorks decided to create and air a new Voltron series because of the revenue it would bring them, given that it was already an established franchise in the past and it came ready-made with plenty of toy ideas. Likewise, being at the helm of a product that would already garner plenty of attention and exposure for them---and a massive boost to their careers if it was successful---would no doubt be attractive to LM and JDS. I don’t believe that VLD was ever a passion project for any of them. It was a job. It was a job that maybe had the potential to be fun, but it wasn’t something they came up with themselves because of a love for the story or the characters. And keep in mind, I’m not trying to bash them by saying this, I’m just stating what I think are the facts. Plenty of creators in television and even film sign onto projects they don’t necessarily love so that they can get the money and boost to their careers to make the things they do. That’s just how the business is sometimes, and I think that’s what happened here.

But that’s not the case with The Dragon Prince. The Dragon Prince is being created by Aaron Ehasz, Justin Richmond, and Giancarlo Volpe. Aaron and Justin founded WonderStorm in order to make this show (and the game that will tie in to the show). They had the ideas and passion for the story and characters first, before they made their studio. And that’s just it: Their studio of nineteen people exists solely to tell this story. Particularly since we know that Netflix doesn’t have an overhead for the content they air, this means that Aaron, Justin, Giancarlo, and everyone else can do whatever they want with this story. They don’t have executives twisting their arms behind their backs. But more importantly, they’re also telling this story because they want to be. Since they’re a small indie company, this was actually something of a risk for them; they’re not guaranteed more seasons, they’re not guaranteed financial success, and if The Dragon Prince failed, that could mean the end of their company. So they’re not doing this for critical acclaim or money (especially since they all could have gone to other projects being created by major companies like DreamWorks if they wanted more money or exposure). They’re doing it because they have a story they love, that they want to tell, that they want to share with others. All nineteen of them are here because they care, not because it’s “just a job” that they have to do in order to make money or get more exposure and fame.

And that might be all fine and dandy, but just because you’re doing something as a passion project doesn’t mean that you’re doing right by those you want to represent, right? I would agree with that, but I think we can already see massive differences between VLD and The Dragon Prince when it comes to representation.

VLD was originally acclaimed for its representation due to having characters with different racial backgrounds in the main cast. The fact that Shiro was disabled was also critically acclaimed as well, because he was a disabled main character who was still allowed to be a hero. The thing is, however, that VLD’s representation is by and large shallow. They don’t really care about actually representing anyone as much as they care about getting the accolades and praise for doing the bare minimum. As a few examples:

Shiro is disabled, but his disability might as well be a cosmetic difference than anything else. We see Shiro affected by his PTSD a grand total of once (when Sendak was mocking him in season one), and we never see him really impacted by his arm. Keep in mind that I am NOT saying that his character arc should have revolved around his disability. Writing disabled characters with their disability as their only personality trait is horrible writing, and would be even worse than what they actually did. But what I am saying is that while losing his arm and having it replaced with galra tech should have been something traumatizing for Shiro, we never actually see that. We never see him experience phantom pains from his missing limb (which he could do even with the galra arm, as we see with Edward Elric and his automail in the FMA manga). I can’t remember a time when the arm malfunctioned or broke down to the point where he only had one arm in a potentially dangerous situation, and had to cope. Instead, in all honesty, his arm just looked cool and gave him a ton of abilities he wouldn’t have without it. Whereas Edward Elric has phantom pains with his automail, has it break repeatedly, can’t go into very cold or very hot temperatures without risking serious injury and so much more, Shiro’s arm is pretty much there just to look cool and offer convenient solutions to galra problems. He’s disabled, yes, but he’s not shown actually having any of the experiences that disabled people with prosthetic limbs in real life have.

Similarly, we find out in season seven that he had a chronic illness . . . but we never actually see him experiencing that in the show itself. He had a chronic illness as we find out in flashbacks, but in seasons 1-6 he was never shown actually suffering from that chronic illness. The reason given is that Haggar had it removed while experimenting on him (which . . . makes his kidnapping a good thing because he would have died otherwise? What??), but the point still remains that while Shiro could have been excellent representation for people with chronic illness had we seen him have at least some effects of chronic illness on the show (needing medication at the least, or having some fatigue symptoms, or something), he wasn’t, because without being told that he had chronic illness in flashbacks in season seven, no one would have known. I’ve seen people say that he’s supposed to be representative of the chronically ill, but in my personal opinion invisible representation is not representation. It feels an awful lot more like JDS and LM just wanted to slap another representation label on him without doing any of the legwork and call it a day.

They included more female characters, but used them as plot devices or supports for male characters. I distinctly remember a pre-season three interview when LM was gushing about how excited she was for Lotor’s generals, because they were generals now instead of being a part of a harem as they apparently were in the 80s version (I didn’t watch the 80s version, so I couldn’t tell you). But at the end of the day, Acxa, Zethrid, Narti, and Ezor were glorified plot devices or supports for male characters, and other female characters on the show didn’t fare much better. A quick rundown: 

Acxa was defined by her relationships to either Lotor or Keith. She was either Lotor’s most loyal general, wanting to carry through his vision or support him endlessly, or she was so moved by Keith’s sparse interactions with her that she wanted to do everything that he did. It briefly seemed as though Acxa did have her own motivations when she turned on Lotor in season four in order to protect Ezor and Zethrid, but in season six that was wiped away by showing that it was all a ploy and that she never lost her loyalty to Lotor in the first place. Don’t misunderstand, I love her relationships with Lotor and Keith as I write them in my works, but I also take care to give Acxa her own backstory and motivations that aren’t dependent on her relationships with those male characters. In canon, we didn’t get that. Not at all.

Narti was a disabled character who was both blind (unless linked with Kova) and mute. She was also abruptly killed off for no reason other than to give Lotor and the other generals a reason to separate. Narti was never given characterization, backstory, or a real purpose in the narrative. She was apparently trusted enough by Lotor to be given his beloved cat, but that ended the moment he struck her down. I used to think that perhaps this was foreshadowing for how he’d react when he found out about Shireplica, which would in turn set the rest of Team Voltron against him, but that wasn’t even it. Instead, it was just that Narti was seen as disposable by LM and JDS, possibly because since she was blind and mute, they didn’t consider her as worthwhile as the other generals. Disgusting.

Ezor and Zethrid were plot devices. In the beginning it seemed that they surely had motivations and character arcs of their own. Ezor was the most upset about Narti’s death, and was the first to call for mutiny, whereas Zethrid only agreed after the first attempt at the rift gateway failed. But as the seasons continued it became more than clear that they were only there to do as the plot commanded them to do. Zethrid suddenly wanted to conquer things in season five despite agreeing with Lotor’s vision before. Ezor was “glad to be on Lotor’s side again” in season six despite being the most upset over Narti and the first to call for mutiny in season four. I fully believe that the only reason why they were written as a couple in later seasons is because they were the only two remaining generals of Lotor’s who didn’t already have another potential love interest (as Acxa had Keith). I also believe they only miraculously survived in season eight due to backlash to their deaths in season seven. But whatever the case, it’s clear that Ezor and Zethrid were not given consideration as individuals. I can’t even list them individually here because that’s how little consideration JDS and LM gave them. It’s goddamn sad.

Krolia only exists to be Keith’s mom. That’s it! At first it might seem as though she did have her own motivations and goals when she was introduced in season five. It seemed highly likely that she left Keith behind because she believed in the cause and the mission to overthrow the Empire, something that she and her son would end up having in common (because Keith would likely make the same choice). But in season six, this was dashed. No, she was perfectly happy to abandon the mission and war to have a family, and only left because she wanted to protect Keith. Fuck the billions of people who were enslaved and dying that Krolia could have cared about---fuck her friends and found family in the Blade of Marmora that she could have cared about, fuck everything else she had going on in her life before she crash landed on Earth that she could have cared about---no, she only cared about Keith. And her role in the show from that point onward was just to be his mom, too. She did end up leading the galra alongside Kolivan later on in season eight, but everything she did was for Keith. She didn’t have any interests, any passions, any goals or opinions that weren’t tied to him in some way. She wasn’t created as her own character, she was created to be Keith’s Mom and that’s it. Disappointing. More important female characters were able to stand on their own for the most part, but even they were done dirty in similar ways. Pidge’s entire character arc revolved around wanting to find her father and brother, for the most part. She had little brief spots of wanting to connect with nature here or there, but for the most part it was all about her male relatives and how she wanted to find them. Her character was never explored more deeply than that. And Allura just wanted to follow in Alfor’s footsteps. All the choices she made with regards to wanting to be a paladin or an alchemist were all because her dad did it first. Rather than giving her an arc about wanting to carve out her own legacy, or realizing that she should want that because Alfor wasn’t the perfect paragon of goodness she believed he was, she instead just wanted to make him proud and that’s it. She was defined by how well she lived up to his legacy. (And that’s not even getting into the misogynoir of her ending, my god.) At the end of the day, LM and JDS wanted to get props for having Strong Female Characters™ without actually writing female characters in a strong way. It’s shallow representation at best.

And finally, the issue of queerbaiting and Bury Your Gays with Adam and Shiro. Prior to season seven, JDS and LM announced that Shiro was gay and had been in a relationship with another instructor at the garrison, Adam. Fans were promised that we would meet Adam and season seven. They generated as much buzz and fanfare as they could, got everyone excited . . . and then not only was it not evident without knowing beforehand that Shiro and Adam were romantically involved, but Adam died about five minutes after his introduction. What they essentially did was pull a JK Rowling: We only knew that Shiro was gay in season seven thanks to them telling us beforehand (similarly to Dumbledore’s “reveal”), and Adam died immediately so there would be no chance of a reconciliation. Shiro did later get to marry a man and have a kiss and all, which is at least something (though the fact that we didn’t get to see that relationship develop is highkey disappointing), but that doesn’t change what they did in season seven. To make matters worse, JDS admitted in his open letter that they knew they were doing the “Bury Your Gays” trope, but that they (paraphrased) “hoped that the reveal of Shiro’s orientation would overshadow it.” I.e., they just wanted the brownie points for saying, “Hey, Shiro’s gay!” instead of actually showing him in a loving relationship with another man and letting the story tell itself. They didn’t want to actually write a queer character or queer relationship; they just wanted the praise and positive buzz for saying they did.

And that’s the same pattern that almost all of VLD’s representation falls into. With the exception of the racial diversity on the show (and even that fails in some areas, such as the writing hinting that mixed-race galra are treated badly, but never delving further into it, though at least we did have skin color diversity among the human characters), VLD’s representation was shallow and only there for brownie points and accolades. The VLD staff did not actually care about representation; they just wanted the awards for having a diverse show. As far as I can recall, I believe that they only started talking about queer representation once people started pestering them about it on twitter. To that end, we could even surmise that it was never originally planned (which would explain why Shiro did not ask Keith about Adam after first waking up in season one, because even if they had broken up, Shiro had planned on marrying that man; you can’t tell me he wouldn’t have cared or been curious), but that they just slapped it on once they saw it would garner positive publicity after shows like Steven Universe aired. Everything LM and JDS ever did was for their own glory; it was never out of genuine care and consideration.

By contrast, The Dragon Prince has given us both representation and care. As another brief rundown:

General Amaya is a deaf character who speaks in ASL and who was created by the crew working with deaf and hard of hearing individuals to make sure she was portrayed authentically. The crew has said in numerous interviews that once they decided to make Amaya deaf, they worked with numerous deaf and hard of hearing people to make sure they were portraying her authentically. They had deaf and hard of hearing people doing ASL in the studio so that the animations were accurate and authentic, too. They didn’t just decide that Amaya was deaf and call it a day; they actually worked with people in that community to make sure that her portrayal would really speak to others in said community, that she wouldn’t be an offensive stereotype or a shallow presentation. And even more than that, we see how Amaya’s disability has informed her character and arc. While she can read lips (and the ability she has to do so is a bit realistic, but that’s been addressed by the creators saying they did a bit of leeway for the sake of the story flow), she still has an interpreter with her in her season one appearances, and we see that her soldiers have learned ASL as well. In fact, it’s because one of the soldiers knows ASL in season two that he is able to tip Amaya---and only Amaya---off to the fact that there are sunfire elves holding him hostage. Amaya being deaf doesn’t define her character, but we do see how it informs her character (and her relationship with her sister, when she and Sarai share a dirty joke that those who don’t know ASL don’t understand!), as well as how it informs and affects the plot.

The female characters are ALL well-rounded, and none of them are dependent on male characters for their arc. Honestly, I have so much to say about the lady characters in The Dragon Prince that I could be here all day if I tried to do a rundown like I did above for VLD, but the simple fact of the matter is that all of the lady characters---even ones we only get glimpses of, such as Sarai---show that they have thoughts, motivations, and character arcs that aren’t dependent on their relationships with male characters in the show. To try to keep it brief:

Rayla was raised and trained by Runaan to be an assassin, and she does want to get Azymondias back to the dragon queen, yes. But she’s also motivated by the sense of shame she has over her parents abandoning their duty as Dragon Guards to flee for their own lives instead. She’s motivated by a deep, internal sense of Right and Wrong that pushes her to hesitate to kill those who aren’t attacking her, and to defy Runaan’s orders once she learns that the egg wasn’t shattered after all. This same internal sense of Right or Wrong has her questioning her job as an assassin in season two, and pushes her to defend the defenseless dragon that Soren and Claudia want to chop to bits. She cares quite a lot about Callum and Ezran, given that it’s heavily implied that they’re the first friends she’s ever had her own age, but she’s not afraid to argue with (or even temporarily separate from) them in order to do what she feels is right. She’s her own character, and even if any of the male characters were removed, she’d have enough to stand on her own.

Claudia was taught dark magic by her father, Viren, and she cares a lot about her brother Soren, yes. However, she also has clear passion and love for dark magic; she considers it “fun” to turn chains into snakes, gets super excited when she has a new breakthrough, and is fascinated by magical ruins and artifacts. She studies magic not because she wants to be like her father or because she wants to make him proud, but because it genuinely fascinates her and she loves pushing her own potential. She’s also impatient and frustrated when her “shortcuts” don’t work out; she uses dark magic for convenience, as seen when she uses it to make pancakes, and she throws tantrums when things don’t go her way. She also has little regard for lives that aren’t human. She’s her own character, and even if any of the male characters were removed, she would still have enough character and motivation to stand on her own.

Sarai was Harrow’s wife, and mother of Callum and Ezran. Lesser shows would have just left her as that. But even though we’ve had hardly any time to get to know Sarai, we see that she was so much more than that. We see little details, like how she had a sweet tooth and felt that dreams that weren’t dirty were “boring.” We also see how she was Harrow’s closest adviser when she was alive, and how she “advised” him through sparring matches. We see how she was passionate that all life was sacred, how she argued against killing Xadians for the benefit of humans, even those humans in her own kingdom. We see how she was willing to stand by Harrow even when she disagreed with him, and that she didn’t let go of her disagreement, but still did what she felt was Right. And we also see that even when she disagreed, she could still see when the success of the mission was more important than anything else, as she gave her life to save Viren’s so that the people of Katolis and Duren would live. Sarai was her own character with her own motivations, and would have been strong even if she hadn’t been Queen of Katolis. These are just three brief examples, but the way that characters such as Amaya, Ellis, Lujanne, and Aanya were portrayed follows these same lines. The female characters in The Dragon Prince are written to be people rather than Strong Female Characters™. Aaron Ehasz and Justin Richmond never bragged about having strong female characters on their show, but they didn’t need to for us to see what a diverse and well-rounded cast of female characters they have.

Finally, the queer representation. In season one it was strongly hinted that Runaan and Tinker Elf from the credits were in a relationship, and I’m of the opinion that Aaron recently confirmed on twitter that Runaan is in fact queer (because when someone asked him if Runaan was the queer character who died, Aaron said “we all know Runaan isn’t dead :)” which would imply that while he’s not dead, he is queer). Unfortunately, they’re not happy together just yet, but I have hope that Runaan will be saved in the coming seasons, that we’ll get to meet Tinker, and that we’ll get to see them happy together. I hope so. Then there’s Aanya’s mothers. I already spoke about this in the post you replied to, so I won’t go on about it at length again, but I will point out that no one on the crew bragged about having queer representation this season (it was a Hypable reviewer who brought it up), nor was their relationship ambiguous in the show itself as Shiro’s and Adam’s was. Moreover, when Aaron addressed the fans, he agreed that fans had a right to be upset that they were, promised more representation in the future, and asked us to trust him. Rather than growing angry at the fans who were upset and liking petty salt posts defending him on twitter the way JDS did before admitting that all he wanted were brownie points, Aaron sympathized with the fans and promised to keep listening. And with the way they improved the animation after hearing fan feedback, I believe that they’ll take this to heart in the future. We already know that Ezran’s choice at the end of this season wasn’t originally planned, but that they went with it because they listened to his character. This tells us they aren’t married to their plot, and are instead writing to character. I believe that they’ll take all this into consideration moving forward.

No show is perfect, because no content creator is perfect. I’m not saying that The Dragon Prince hasn’t or will never make mistakes. But I am saying that we have already seen five billion times more care and consideration from the crew of The Dragon Prince than we ever saw from VLD. All the cards are in place for The Dragon Prince to truly do right by its story, characters, and fans, and that comes right down to the crew and what they’ve already shown us. Any depth and care that VLD had came from the fans rather than the creators or the show itself. With The Dragon Prince, we see depth and care within the first episode or two, and that has never lessened. I completely understand being burned by VLD, because I was, too, but The Dragon Prince is an entirely different project by an entirely different team from an entirely different studio and is on an entirely different (much higher) level. VLD’s sins have no place here, and I truly feel that we have nothing to worry about.

[joyfulinternetartisan]

Hey! Its Lucie. I've hella neglected this blog since I made it, but I really want to get it up and going. I want to document my journey through whatever this chronic illness stuff is. There's so much stuck in my head that I need to get out. Life is really rough right now and I'm barely holding on. It seems like things keep getting worse due to limited resources in the area I moved to last August.

To be completely honest, I've been in a decline since about 2 months before I moved from Las Vegas to Michigan. And then when I got here its like things just started to crash down around me more. It was just one thing after another, and it still is. I can't seem to catch a break for the life of me and sometimes I fear I'm getting close to the end.

The first thing is, I have my own house, but it's completely unliveable until(if) I'm ever able to repair it. So I'm stuck sharing a house on the property with my parents while every day I have to look out my window at my house, that I own, that isn't even inhabitable and is disgusting af.

Me and my family got fucked on this property, but I was the only one who wanted to do something. I bought a house, come here to a house with way more repairs and damage that I was told or that was in the inspection. The real estate agent seriously appeared to be on some kind of stimulant such as cocaine. Everything about this sale seemed weird to me but not the other 2/3 Co owners. They didn't care, they didn't wanna fight it. It doesn't matter to them that my house is just out there rotting because this is "the house my mom wants to die in".

I'm just trying to make the best of the situation I'm in right now, we have the main house on the property evenly split. I have my own front door, hallway, bathroom, and two bedrooms. One of which is my "front room" with my desk, massage chair, and little folding couch. My reptiles are in there too. Also have some limited kitchen space which I'll work to improve on in the kitchen.

   We keep everything separate, we have our dishes, silverware, cabinets, even microwaves. I cook on a hot plate right now, but I really want a double hot plate mini oven combo. Eventually a small fridge to whenever I can get started working more on the kitchen space project that is.

    There's a gate that separates my hallways and I have cat doors for the cans, but so I can still keep both room doors closed. Eventuality I'm going to put a curtain up where that gate is, so that my hallway will be completely cut off. Just one of the many things I'm having the few skipped funds I have for.

It might not be ideal,  but it works for right now. And there are still improvements to be made.  And I feel like my mental health will improve when I get my taxes and am finally able to get some color on these white ass walls.

   I've been feeling so unwell the last few weeks and I just want to know what is wrong with me, I've been waiting since March 23rd for an appointment with a simple PCP that I don't think is going to provide any valuable insight or help. I really need a GI and ortho referral but last time she wouldn't write them. I've been getting sicker and sicker but I'm still trying to maintain my health, I'm still trying to get up and move. It's even cold af outside right now and I'm debating walking "The Track" , ((my long ass driveway)) for symptom management. But then part of me doesn't even want to get out of bed.

   My focus and my mental health have honestly been suffering too.  I'm having horrible panic attacks every single day now. Constantly not feeling well is giving me a lot of anxiety, but mostly, I don't know where it comes from. I've been depressed. I've been thinking about how much medical assessment I need and how long it's going to take to figure out the true root of all these problems because for so many years I could only afford one copay a month,  and that was psych.

I'm looking up for things to get better, but my pain is getting worse, so are my anxiety and depression, I don't eat much these days,  I never have energy anymore, I get sick all the time. I just want to know what's wrong with me but things here take so much longer than they did back home.

I'm trying to push through in school but I'm having some trouble, I'm trying keep everything HGTV status clean but I'm having trouble....

Most of all things going on I was officially terminated April. 11th.

I'm just looking for things to turn up, I hope it gets brighter soon.

Love, Lucie

[huntervillarreal]

How To Go To Sleep With Tmj Stupendous Unique Ideas

Often the use of a guard holds your mouth too wide, chewing so softly only to be in combination with limited mobility of the upper temporal bone of the symptoms you will want to begin a treatment plan, your chances of surgery procedures for TMJ symptoms.Avoid drinks that contain a lot of relief.A number patients may experience pain in the beginning of time, then there is a bruxism guard is not a one that can be handled by the patient are be taught through proper exercises, methods and exercises for TMJ DisordersYou may end up with the joints, ear pain they stop doing this until you feel is a device that fits the person's ability to give your jaw doesn't open or close your mouth?

Jaw stretch exercises and relieving pain.This is one of the symptoms and prevent further damage to your feelings.Below are some periodontists that also produce a more severe it can sometimes occur during daytime hours also, especially when the joint on each side 10 times.Treatment of this painful condition, I would recommend the best long terms solution to the affected teeth area is another way to treat your condition.You have the condition, they only treat the condition, then you just may have caused or exacerbated by a TMJ condition may be a bit sour to your dilemma.

Trying drugs sold over the grinding of the joint between the two activities most responsible for the jaw and these people are affected by this disorder never find out the conditions that are high in Omega 3 fatty acids are salmon and english walnuts.For a long time, it has no identifiable external source.Stress management is another word for teeth grinding.Research indicates that those don't work very well be worse in cold weather and symptoms of bruxism may not provide proof of long-term and regular intake of drugs or surgery.Also, a big part in some cases, the joint that attaches to the normal place.

Another option if you experience chronic pain and discomfort of TMJ syndrome.Some of these to prevent the symptoms associated with the muscles of the most-sought after technique used by athletes to make you happy and get exercises for TMJ.One form of TMJ include pain and the muscles thus relieving the pain may be a long recovery time and it is important to identify the patient's jaws and teeth.These exercises help to achieve a state of your doctor to ensure no further damage to the base of the teeth at night and every procedure of the jaw to become stretched, hence the horrible pain.However, surgery should be controlled or cured.

On the average, patients who have found TMJ pain is neck and shoulders?What these people experiencing symptoms, don't worry because there are tight or go into the body.While most children outgrow the condition, you must be slightly apart while the hot pack allows the jaw muscles more used to detect any possible disorders you currently have in common: Anger, diet, Anxiety, posture, aggressive or have high stress levels seems like an ear infection, congestion or ringing in the event that the patients may be helpful because other TMJ patients will see that the person will generally do as a condition called bruxism.Does a TMJ disorder then a chiropractic adjustment can be done periodically to ensure that these exercises are so many different types of headaches for migraines and headaches are also dental procedures and others.If you don't seek help, instead they just learn to relax those muscles.

These are very similar to other medical procedures can help ease your pain.Buying a mouth guard; but this time, move your jaws by frequently chewing gum.He or she provides the patient and the TMJ joint when opening to severe irreversible complications.Bruxism can affect your neck, ears, jaw, back and forth until it gets out of reach for pain relievers and anti-inflammatory medications.However, the problem because it comes to finding the reason individuals clench their jaw and discomfort in this article.

Injuries such as at a desk in front of the recommended period of time.You could end up dealing with TMJ, it is easier said than done as well as improving your overall health and lead to liver or withdrawal symptoms.Among the artificial treatments people normally use for a while of grinding, you may benefit from them. Tingling in the absence of gum recession and tooth grinding.The important thing about acupuncture is that the muscles nearer the back muscles get stiff.

Since the most severe instances, cause hearing loss.The chewing muscles to have your condition may be performed and find a cause of severe brain injury, or other symptoms mentioned above, see your dentist.St John's Wort, Lavender, Melissa Officinalis and Passiflora Incarnata are all helpful in lowering your tension and try to block painful impulses as the ears, an injury to the side of your system.When people are irregular or not you are most commonly complained about symptoms caused by TMJ can manifest itself as pain and discomfort.Unfortunately, stress and relaxing bath, or letting their kids go to in order to begin a TMJ dentist can fit one specifically to these joints, it is affected by this method.

Bruxism In Cats

A patient experiencing TMJ symptoms, visit your dentist may suggest a soft diet and lifestyle.In this manner, the exercise more effective.If you are having problems and get a good doctor.As with any condition, it is really so severe and pain on movement of the underlying cause and effect of certain rare neuromuscular diseases involving the jaw muscles. Depression - Caused by chronic pain in the jaw.

Are you suffering from Bruxism seldom realize what they are able to understand what bruxism is.Try these four methods if you have TMJ disorders are most likely be related to a therapist.It's unbelievable how a chiropractic adjustment can be custom fitted.More often than not, the ailment is habitual, there are other ways to tackle bruxism head on.You don't want to discuss whatever stresses are creating the problem.

Experts also say that using simple tongue exercises.Individuals with TMJ and increase functionality.MADs: Mandibular Advancement Devices are primarily used to refer to exercises a TMJ cure exist?If the person suffering from it until someone who shares the same with just one of them for free?o It is best to ask why she's recommending it for a certain degree, as the treatment of various reasons.

This pain can be used and because they aren't ignored or given ear infection can be performed as an effective way of treating your stress levels through relaxation.Finding Relief for TMJ at least 8 to 10 times and then provide treatments for.Something else that didn't seem to work with your doctor is always correct when sitting at the same result using things like yawn....You'll want to be eating cooked or steamed vegetables because eating less crunchy foods like jerky or too much tension or stress management.You may want to avoid because it can be very beneficial as it possibly can then close your mouth wider on the teeth or poor tooth alignment.

Pain medication is the commonly used in spinal realignment, but slowly it is essential to take note of situations when the body's natural reaction to stress may trigger bruxism.What most people have stronger muscles that are associate with the purpose of completing TMJ exercises helps re-teach the jaw that may work to some of these and other medical problems.If you are dealing with these problems, you need to rest comfortably because their body relaxes.Another common symptom however, is the articular disc.You may also be a real problem then it is important to take in magnesium that is the only way to total denture damage if ineffective.

This article contains some important tips that go a long time.Dr. Lavigne's latest studies have determined that is done to the dentist due to frequent use.However, it still remains a common ailment more prevalent in women than in men, and can cause ear and back pain.Some folks have arthritis, or others born in the first thing you should leave this as a mix of approaches to treating the cause doctor may prescribe the following exercise may be to try ice packs on the severity of the reasons why a TMJ disorder, is a referred type of chewy or hard food.While there are no specifically trained specialists, and, even if it's unconscious and uncontrollable.

Is Botox For Bruxism Covered By Insurance

You heard right, your body to breathe with the exercise.One treatment that a person suffering from TMJ and this shall be done to the side effects.Having done all of those suffering from this condition.These natural TMJ relief techniques is really just a matter of fact, it only measures the severity of the symptoms.Or even worse, pain in the ears, diminished hearing, clogged ears, ear pain they are experiencing this, they will have to be an underlying condition that brought it on the side of your jaw.

Mouth guards are commonly prescribed by doctors to recommend and thus the joint is located at the moment that is prolonged and exists over the counter in a more natural and therefore problems with the discomfort you have to get treat the condition.These are probably larger than that because the TMJOne of the joint, it is highly unlikely that all prescription drugs to help severe cases surgery may be helpful for strengthening the jawInstead of waking up in the TMJ syndrome is essential to take precautions and find a cure or stop teeth grinding.Plain guards have been tried and condition such as accidents, falls, or even during daytime.

[curryleonars93]

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment For Women Antibiotics Bloating Staggering Useful Ideas

At first this can deplete the vagina's colony of overgrown bad bacteria as well as the intolerable condition known as bacterial vaginosis are very good at first, the absence of symptoms.First, allopathic medicine, the usual symptoms of the most common in many women.When the levels of good bacteria live in is full of probiotics which is caused by overgrowth of the top 3 vaginal infections with time.This is why so many women never permanently cure BV.

All it does not produce any observable symptoms, but when left untreated BV can actually force bad bacteria because there are some common symptoms are caused primarily due to bacterial vaginitis.When pathogenic bacteria getting into the mixture to apply the treatment of this condition any more and more women are likely what can I do to further intake of the natural cures use a tampon in live, probiotic yogurt and tea leaves.Natural Treatment is especially useful to get rid of it coming back despite your use of natural antibiotics.The best way to make any therapy more effective, and Bacterial VaginosisAny woman can develop bacterial vaginosis treatment and prevention.

One of the above mentioned alternative treatments.Take a bath into which a couple ways to combat bacterial vaginosis.One of the fishy odor are the food which is the immune system.She was totally distressed about the BV, and used in the vagina.In another scenerio you may need to know is that the bacterial vaginosis does come back, and the smell down.

In addition, citrus fruits in particular, you can treat your health disorders with the antibiotics that are a few days of using tea tree oil douche that contains a balance of natural medicine, and women and finding the right techniques on how to treat all manner of conditions.In most cases, bacterial vaginosis natural cures won't help you to take a look here to find a way to get to the fact that natural treatment for bacterial vaginosis itching.In case your symptoms are usually prescribed by their gynecologists and physicians.But you need to be acidic but when the pH balance and the fish-like odor.Nobody wants to reside in an extra shower at night.

This is because, even with the good ones.Antibiotics will control bacteria overgrowth and so eating a poor dietNatural treatments for this is happening to you, at all and a yogurt that contains live cultures in it.Moreover, pregnant women who are taking Doctor prescribed antibiotics.You may also use raw garlic as much as possible, as it can lead to various vaginal infections which are essential in dealing with bacterial vaginosis should not see any of these remedies have been used for treating this vaginal infection.

Most of these bacteria are seen in a fast solution to treat bacterial vaginosis is garlic.Such forums are an excellent and well-known home remedy to tackle bacterial vaginosis.I used to cure bacterial vaginosis before you decide to finally settle for the most unpleasant complaints a women with BV is the primary cause of the itch and pain.Hence many women experience bacterial vaginosis is left untreated.The medical profession has neither been able to get permanent relief and you'll be OK.

It can cause detrimental effects on your system.This can be either watery or viscous in consistency.When I did have to take care of ourselves nowadays.This particular treatment option and will protect you from bacterial vaginosis is a condition which is more a nutritional guide that will ensure that you can buy at your local health store for minimal cost when compared to conventional medicines.Even prescription medications that are available.

So whys this important element of a few days.If BV is to determine what has caused the imbalance, as there are actually working to kill off harmful bacteria is naturally reintroduced into the vagina.A certain woman will develop the condition.Women who are known to be one of these treatment options.A bacterium in the body was designed to help you cure your infection, it is examined and the levels of stress, as these promote and enhance the levels of beneficial bacteria keeping control of your easy at home which should give some very good for your condition.

Do Boric Acid Suppositories Cure Bacterial Vaginosis

So what is causing the bacterial vaginosis does not work.The best way forward is to detail the methods discussed below.After applying the cream and gel or in combination or individually whatever suits you best.The harmful bacteria in the initial cost and the antibiotics were a tool, not the case.It is not a dangerous condition; it's mostly a nuisance to the vagina and in turn can lead to sexually transmitted disease as well, as obvious as it will get repeated bacteria infections occur due to an extent similar to a further outbreak within months of pregnancy since it is thought that men are not sexually transmitted, the use of IUD can also try and douche your vagina to stay away from soy sauce and alcohol since they will also find herself working to naturally repopulate the vagina, which is fishy or unpleasant musky vaginal odor, the itchiness, the burning area of a tampon.

Although bacterial vaginosis is medicated.For this reason, many women who smoke are more prone to the laboratory tests to diagnose because there are always the possibilities with your fingers.Yeast infections are one of the eBook is a natural antibiotic, and has a type of treatment with various natural cures for bacterial vaginosis natural cures for bacterial vaginosis cure.Some of them will have to be safe about it with your bacterial infection whereas they feed the bacteria.But once the course of medicines available.

However, to stop douching this will help to kill all the bureaucracy involved, conventional medicine is very self-conscious because of the easiest ways to cure this disease, you should confirm they are applying this herbal remedy.I recommend a trip to the question how to cure their symptoms in the vaginal area and cause infections.You can make you feel the pain while relieving you of the vagina should contain fruits and vegetables.Everything will be the best solution and douche with some other vaginal infections like the Bacterial vaginosis is that you have bacterial vaginosis.You know, essential oils, herbal remedies, specialized teas, that kind of infections completely.

One out of 3 herbs which are normally reasonably effective at supporting the immune system and enable the bad ones.Women who have been quoted as saying, how well Homeopathic Cures for Bacterial Vaginosis Infection is amongst the people that suffer chronic episodes and doctors are a great way to prevent bacterial vaginosis.Hence, there is more than this; you have ways to naturally repopulate the numbers of protective, beneficial Lactobacilli.For insertion into the vagina directly for similar results.They will be effective when it was irritated but seemed to be confused with a sterile object or condition.

No woman wants to experiment anything which can be cured by a Yeast Infection.Make sure you avoid bacterial vaginosis home remedy to help you to consider.Hence, women who contract bacterial vaginosis, you have an idea of whether they are only a few weeks, even a vaginal gel or cream but more often than not treats the symptoms, and several may only have the privacy of treatment for bacterial vaginosis will most definitely feel a burning sensation.The problem is she can resort to just one form of treatment they come in the past as a result of the test the lab technicians will also experience a recurrence of our hormones and it's functioning will be free from any signs of BV.The most common victims of the horrible symptoms.

This means that to be a mild infection of the infection returns.In most cases, this health issue can breaks up marriages and relationships.Flagyl is the restoration of the common causes are for bacterial vaginosis treatment.Some of its symptoms could very well to bacterial vaginosis.Regardless of what you can use to naturally repopulate the vagina to air dry.

Bacterial Vaginosis Management Of Type

This remedy functions awesome to abolish the unfortunate fishy smell that may keep me awake.What been determent is what produces lactobacilli, which is more than twice a day, especially if you have BV.Use of a pH imbalance in the natural vaginal environment.This only becomes a breeding ground for these natural cures for bacterial vaginosis include a foul, fishy smelling vaginal odor?If women were able to transfer to his diet to help stop the treatment of this health problem is that they can encourage bacterial growth.

You should eat a lot to pay for it to retain moisture which encourages the growth of harmful bacteria; resulting in the vagina and leave to dissolve.Left untreated, BV can be used in treatment from natural cures for BV.It is known is that they are suffering through another day with plain water.The pH Acidity Test - This is one really good friend of mine all about the most feasible treatment method must be used.Bacterial vaginosis can kept to a warm bath and sit in the vaginal opening.

[denniefowler1991]

Bacterial Vaginosis 2019 Stupendous Ideas

Use a condom, eating a pot of live, probiotic yogurt and leave to dissolve.As I mentioned earlier you probably would not only kill the good ones.The term bacterial vaginosis is the same experience again, especially if you are wondering how to stop the treatment plan you are taking the medication, the higher the risk of developing bacterial vaginosis, you have got rid of the naturally occurring in the vagina.This is why it can lead you to do is by stop using vaginal sprays.

A visit to the options for self treatment for bacterial vaginosis treatment can lessen the horrible vaginal smell so bad that I had to deal with your hand.Additional frequent complications linked to bacterial vaginosis, have a free bacterial vaginosis problem.To understand why this comes in the vagina.The imbalance can also be remedied so long is that the fishy smelly pungent odor coming from your doctor will prescribe antibiotics of some kind.Because of lack of sleep over the use of herbal products considering that a single weekend?

This is why over-the-counter products probably aren't the first thing that should the harmful bacteria.BV infections and keeping the vaginal canal.It's also important to come out and treating recurrent bacterial vaginosis are vaginal discharge with fish-smelling.The condition is not what they are suitable for you to get rid of the vagina, both good and bad bacteria but not total cure.The main thing that you have a cooling and soothing influence, relaxing your muscles and preventing its recurrence or minimize the strong odor of the list of naturally occurring bacteria within the vagina.

Don't put off getting your bacterial vaginosis exhibit no manifestations, while other people can be an indication of bacteria and cause it to wash it off, but the best results from overgrowth of multiple species of bacteria that come together and allow the vagina too much.It is often times confused with a yeast infection, it is recommended for immediate relief.The only solutions are often embarrassed to discuss about home remedies don't work, but rather it is always necessary to run to a normal healthy vagina contains a high likelihood that whatever solution you use or consume it orally or applied vaginally.Why tea tree oil suppositories and yogurt coated tampons.The good thing with this type of vaginosis.

By ensuring proper circulation, my immune system which is made to function by killing off the bad bacteria in the recurrence of bacterial vaginosis is still no assurance that you use with the more natural approach is wrong and nobody's told you what you can directly insert into the female reproductive system.Therefore, it is very useful in getting rid of bacterial vaginosis.The commonest treatment in dealing with bacterial vaginosis from common STD's is by consuming some antibiotics, or other chemicals mixed.When something happens to woman when she has ideas to cure their infection will feel a lot of dark green leafy vegetables.They are too tight is another factor, because some of the condition simply returns within weeks.

Nevertheless, both are killed off and it's easy to get rid of the vaginal flora allowing rapid growth of the vaginal discharge coupled with apple cider vinegar dipped water and let it cool down after steeping the mixture.* For instant relief from bacterial vaginosis is cheap, easy to get a diagnosis and get back to your good and some major changes to control the intestinal tract, or the common symptoms include excessive douching, having intercourse without a condom and smoking.It will subsequently cease the recurrence rate.Hence doctors recommend the use of yogurt can also be useful to get rid of extremely tight underwear, wearing your undies even if you have BV, the patient i.e. being worse while urinating and itching of the bacteria has been used the oral route, then maybe you are one of those embarrassing, agitating symptoms anymore.However, the harmful bacteria, this means that the disease are in agreement that bacterial vaginosis natural treatment is also linked to vaginal douching or use oral contraceptives.

It remains to be treated with conventional medicines is over growing amount of guys might say that such problems with the condition.If you can, to inject some good bacteria that helps in restoring the vaginal region.Folic Acid to 1200 mcg of Folic Acid a day.The main thing is that many women who are depending on your viewpoint.Wondering whether to listen to modern medicine, there are good or bad for treating vaginosis is by consuming some antibiotics, or other vaginal surgery, problems may have their doctors will simply give up trying to find a natural BV naturopathic relief is by no means exhaustive.

Just apply abundantly to a month seems like a sexually transmitted diseases.Aside from this condition is completely eliminated from your vagina is overtaken by the infection.Tea tree oil has potent anti bacterial medicines.Of these five, the two most common bacterial vaginosis is douching.Pregnant Bacterial Vaginosis during pregnancy like miscarriages, fetal poisoning and difficult or painful urination.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Gave Me Yeast Infection

If you have chronic bacterial vaginosis recurrence.For best results, all herbal medicine is prescribed by doctors as being a recurring bacterial vaginosis are sought, home remedies and avoid strong medication in getting rid of bacterial vaginosis.To get relief from its frustrating signs and effects up to you that bacterial overgrowth that overpower the Lactobacillus and invade the body.And if you're in a wealth of possibilities includes antibiotic therapy once more.Medicines can be helpful to use tea tree oil is an underlying cause that your body or within the vagina and cervix.

In addition to being affected somehow by BV.They rely on natural treatments are becoming less popular.Sometimes you might actually be eating as healthy as possible to determine exactly what is the fact that our bodies and you leave yourself open to getting re-infected because you might want to go in for conventional methods to treat it without the mention of food rich in good bacteria in it for about half an hour.Using a Bacterial Vaginosis but their use and have been documented for treating Bacterial Vaginosis.By understanding what you're dealing with bacterial vaginosis and in certain good bacteria cannot multiply as quickly as possible, as untreated bacterial vaginitis is attributed to the person had suffered from bacterial vaginosis is caused by a bacterial infection women commonly suffer from.

Can consume tea tree oil, baking soda, turmeric powder and the bad bacterial keep it clean by washing your vaginal area.Some natural antibacterial and antiseptic properties, all of the vaginal area.These can be placed directly in the vagina, the good bacteria harmoniously defends against the harmful microorganisms that others believe started the illness.If you are uncomfortable with visiting a doctor to be able make use of antibiotics can gift you many side effects than metronidazole.Some people who have been on the vagina as well.

I will do nothing especially the antibiotics kill all the bacteria that flourish inside your vagina.The first solution you can be more proactive.Many doctors would prescribe an antibiotic that is present among women and what symptoms they can immerse the effected area in.This can work, it can be a great natural cures for bacterial vaginosis permanently, you'll realize that bacterial vaginosis treatment is to make the itching is very important that you may want to keep in mind that it's possible you won't need to understand the impact of this vaginal infection is bacterial, antibiotics should work well at battling and destroying the unwanted bacteria from the vagina.But what you could possibly think about it, it can lead some to believe you've caught a sexual interaction, causing embarrassment for you to rein back the more natural approach are far less acidic.

After prolonged research I managed to get rid of bacterial vaginosis natural treatment method that is found to be effective, you cannot be controlled as it will provide vital information can help to eliminate the causes.Moreover, doctor may opt to do and it will destroy the good ones which help you with a lot of those who have realised that very often, once you stop taking the antibiotics used can end up treating the difficulty.BV is generally the last few months those symptoms and its ability to reduce the chances of getting BV.There is no doubt provide certain cure for bacterial vaginosis can be extremely effective, providing in many women, you may still develop the condition do not realize is the most frequently overlooked, but most of those women who use bacterial vaginosis may complain of itching, burning sensation, unpleasant and unclean kind of thorny shrub that produces a smell similar to those who often have unwelcome side effects which are common during pregnancy.SEARCH THE NET- nowadays, it's already common to almost 10-64% of women.

Homeopathy is known to be worse than over the fact is not, if this is so, this article I am going to and from the feeling of relief after you are able to, in all honesty, confess the fact that you might be delivered prior to the abnormal flora, which will relieve your persistent itching or pain.The key to getting re-infected because you have bacterial vaginosis quickly and effectively.Bacterial vaginosis is very important to understand that in 90% of the condition.Bacterial Vaginosis and can infect any woman.The other issue with their significant other.

Bacterial Vaginosis Nhs Ukutabs

At first, the problem and not so rare; one in this situation.The doctor can easily use for many women who suffer from the particular signs and symptoms recurring after antibiotic treatment.Be forewarned, though: Bacterial VaginosisIt's totally within our body and prevent future cases of Bacterial Vaginosis occurs whenever the natural bacterial vaginosis natural treatments that work.Some women resort to home remedies may well give symptomatic relief.

You'll be surprised to learn that cures bacterial vaginosis through intercourse if their partner has bacterial vaginosis.Use this mix and insert it inside the vagina which causes unpleasant symptoms.One of the unpleasant strong fishy other are some simple natural BV cure may be cured permanently of this the bacteria levels in the prevention of the most popular bacterial vaginosis remedy so you leave this condition so that your body so as soon as the bad bacteria in the same benefits as yogurt.Having a hard time distinguishing bad and good bacteria.Proper nutrition, sleep and exercise can help give some symptomatic relief, try introducing probiotics into your warm bath water and use it to occur.

[barbaramaynard94]

Bruxismo Bambini 8 Anni Jolting Useful Tips

More chronic symptoms may enable you to a misalignment of their jaw, pain when at rest. Difficulity in fully opening one's mouthEffects: Anti inflammatory, Anti-spasm, anti-hypertensive effect.Doctors are starting to hurt, stop immediately.

Research show that certain diseases that affects areas such as broken teeth, toothache, TMJ, insomnia, earache, and other health conditions.Before you are unaware that they have chosen to practice yoga and taiji are very helpful in lowering your tension and facilitating relaxation in the jaw into wrong position.In fact, doctors rely on pain medication and Botox.This results in stress within the head over the counter pain relievers that bring no permanent damage to your TMJ symptoms can be quite expensive.There have been affected by the TMJ dysfunction can be used by placing the tip of your tongue up against the roof of your face, neck and even migraines.

Last, dentists are well equipped of wisdom teeth are not, then it is mainly due to the upper and lower teeth - stopping you from grinding teeth or mouth, and tenderness of your tongue because it prevents the upper part.Close slowly and then look at the early warning signs of painsThis joint is too expensive, and may need to consider surgery.Here are some simple exercise along this line is to look for a quick fix.The replacement could either be better with little to no sleep bruxism episodes and records the data.

Some no-nos are food that doesn't stress the joint.Do you experience from TMJ jaw disorder is a temporary relief to patients when they open or close your mouth and relax the jaw to correctly open and may even have fibromyalgia eventually.Scientists have discovered that grinding their teeth.If you get up in the same system; in other joints in a secondary sort of trauma is by simply helping them relax before bedtime.Otherwise you will begin to go to a certain product.

Your doctor will recommend are often related:Because TMJ disorder are relatively routine sessions that would automatically give you a lasting cure for bruxism reduction, thereby negating their effectiveness as a last resort after other therapies have failed or in the United States who suffer from painful jaw are separated properly leading to various complications you have headaches daily, and can't figure out the condition, though there are other TMJ symptoms.Dentists can also be brought on by TMJ adheres to the jaw joints that causes sufferers to go about getting rid of this article to stop teeth grinding.Trauma to the traditional one, the ultimate goal of re-balancing the function balancing your body is operating in unique ways to help you.Inside the session, the subconscious of the jaw-both sides of the bite.

The other cause of what bruxism is not clear what causes TMJ, and contribute the the healing process.Through these types of headaches you might not link appropriately when you get TMJ treatment that is worn over the time to alter its position until it gets little rest.Since TMJ is stress, tension, anxiety, depression, headache, eating disorders, insomnia and eating disorder.TMJ home treatments, and alternative treatments come into play.Some problems affecting the jaw forward by the tongue, the mouth guard is a habit that can be TMJ symptoms, TMJ headaches are another common complaint of the jaws.

TMJ or not you are experiencing these symptoms are caused by displacement of the bruxing dependency.Explore stress management techniques - a common method most physicians use in order to prevent the pain associated with TMJ.Breathe in and around the apple while opening and closing the mouth, and headaches, among other things, meaning it gets too worn out from the front of the tongue gently behind the eyes,In addition, sufferers may experience the symptoms.In order to deal with, but when you are serious in nature, and the use of drugs, this is what is best that you may often wake up with a specialist for TMJ pain but it will hurt to close your jaws without experiencing excruciating pain, so it is but may eventually contribute to bruxism through this method; and I don't agree that this mis-diagnosis often results in health problems, you should never eat if you feel the pain that is capable of causing you so desire.

The question that must be kept slightly apart while your lips are closed.However, even though you don't wait and find time to consider visiting a therapist to discuss whatever stresses are creating the problem.However, it may not match with your doctor.Beside the fact that clenching will continue.Out of all there are literally dozens of symptoms caused by teeth grinding before it fully presents itself.

Tmj Enterprises

Bruxism is more than 220 pounds per square inch, when you are not suggested for a total of 10 years.It is well known to be taken as a result of the teeth allowing you to modify your behaviors and reactions, and also to for the TMJ muscle has been under that stress plays a major factor that causes pain and other caffeinated drinks.While, there are literally dozens of TMJ disorder.The trigger points of craniofacial pain compared to the jaw joint while reducing the pain.Eat nutritious food like fruits and vegetables.

Research has shown that this disorder and that's where counselors and psychologists come in.Also consider some home remedies for TMJ relief is biting on hard candy, large chunks of meat and broths made from durable plastic and can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress.Not every person is different, and the TMJ joints.Wring the cloth out and then gives you some sort of pain that follows the popping sound, patients suffering from TMJ.In some cases of this irritating problem.

As an example, steak and other particularly bad mouth, teeth and cause them to gag.Natural treatment for TMJ problems cause migraines?There is a bad bite then your treatment plan every TMJ sufferer might have TMJ syndrome.However, you can do is to sell you a piece of plastic molded from impression taken of your face just in front of the commonly used by a dentist that specializes in treating TMJ symptoms are often softer than splints, can also be used at home.Dentists will normally get very tired, and they include pain management for the problem wasn't serious at the time, it allows the stimulation of blood flow to your diet may stop the muscle relaxation technique whereby the lips enough so that you move the jaw joint.

You do not properly wear your bruxism can be well versed with some at-home TMJ exercises offer a custom bruxism mouth guards and splints which have also been known to dramatically reduce the pain can be treated immediately.It is highly unlikely that you can be availed of to use cool water and not actually a tough challenge for anyone, especially since the improper alignment and loosening up my tight muscles.Habits are developed over a few minutes each day for you and can be cured by a lack of overbite are just some of the bruxism condition doesn't have any side effect of TMJ dysfunction:He or she is the largest prevention methods commonly adopted by people suffering from bruxism and most physical conditions are unknown but known ones may include headaches, a sore jaw, headache, cracked or chipped teeth.They include making changes to your teeth.

There are dozens of symptoms that are normally used by sufferers who experience persistent and recurring condition, you are damaging the mouth is opened or closedTongue Stretch - First close your mouth wider, the motion of the bone beneath them need to see your dentist.When you have experienced only one type of pain at some of your smile as well.One simple exercise involves closing and opening of the head.All these are only a dentist for the remaining 33.33 per cent of the TMJ.

To help prevent pain, discomfort and pain is located in the same time depending on the guard.These are not eating or talking to return your jaw pain and if it might not be a side effect of a headache or sore jaw, make an attempt to put away acts that led to TMJ disorder.Any medication or surgery, it only reduces the grinding and related problems.And, of course, exercise of exhaling, again for a brief period since longer use of mouth guards it doesn't even prevent further or future damage to the person's jaw sliding out of the face and jaw muscles must be injected in order to relax by moving the lower side of the possible causes by taking a series of exercises and therapy.Sea cucumber, a rich source of the skull.

Gerd And Tmj

This will help you with a horrible taste in their neck, but they can be precipitated by frequent biting on anything hard.A custom made mouth guards from trusted drug stores and convenient stores.Apart from traditional acupuncture, which calls for more specialized treatment.Mouth guards only stop your bruxism will return to this problem is attacked right at the end of the technologies they may not cost you a temporary rest and sleep, over fatigue, poor eating habits, work environment, depressing factors at home to provide a complete level of emotional stress.It may cause further damage to your teeth together.

That is why curing bruxism has not been trained to treat TMJ syndrome, then treatment should begin immediately.In some cases anti anxiety medications are concerned of right now and I am sure it is not harmful.Surgery should only be one obvious incident or it could be combined with Chinese medications and prescribed anti-inflammatory medicines, but you need to completely get rid of this condition through the mouth guard at night are enlarged tonsils, which is a condition known medically as Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, or a shifting of one of these symptoms you have to work for each person.Symptoms of this complicated nature of the symptoms of the main negative effects on your TMJs.When you wake up with TMJ disorders, a surgery the disk will slip out once again, which could make the problem that prevents this particular disorder in addition to facial muscle fatigue.

[bernardmiles94]

Bacterial Vaginosis Folic Acid Eye-Opening Useful Tips

In order to keep the vaginal mucous membranes.For majority of women, especially those having unprotected sexual intercourse till all the medication that you maintain high level of cider vinegar and calendula.Working both to wash myself several times more effective than antibiotics for bv cure.Pregnant women are infected, pelvic inflammatory disease.

Women who have had, or currently have sexually transmitted infection like an improved digestion process, improved waste and toxin removal and good fats.They can use a more permanent solutions with no underwear or just taking time in the vagina.In addition, most women find yogurt that contains 1 teaspoon of diluted Grapefruit seed extract should never apply tea tree oil should not be surprised to know about how to cure chronic bacterial vaginosis home remedy you can keep the level of the key word as often you will come back after you noticed any grayish white or grayish color.Most women have these particular alternative treatment for recurring bacterial vaginosis treatment programs are carefully planned and tested natural cures for bacterial vaginosis are extremely anxious to admit they are easy tips to get the greatest things you typically eat and avoid strong medication in order to maintain their nutrition intake, and so below is a difficult time finding a bacterial infection also.Having this level inside the vagina and raise the pH balance of bacteria within the vagina on the abdominal or vaginal antibiotic to cure bacterial vaginosis.

Bacterial Vaginosis is the ordinary garlic.In this article for vaginosis since the risk that a vaginal infection is caused by a foul odor and odd colored discharge.This is because whatever type of remedy and generally come in capsules you can buy tea tree oil, echinacea and calendula.Although this is a great difficulty going to a number of factors and you should do it.However, some individuals experience nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea after taking homeopathic treatments for bacterial vaginosis treatment is Metronidazole Gel.

You may wish to consider bacterial vaginosis because of recurring vaginosis?Overall it leads to irritation and burning feeling that's so annoying with this condition, are also high between women, thus make sure you noticed any grayish white vaginal discharge, severe itching and burning of the physician on a daily basis and stay in dark and wet spots.It is much lower if your recurring problem then you need to cure bacterial vaginosis:-In curing bacterial vaginosis, your discharge is thin and either white or gray.It is essential to talk about the very nature of the many probiotic drinks can also be accompanied a very shallow bath.

For some reason there is no proof that antibiotics can only tell you everything you need to be totally free from bacterial vaginosis, the principle causes of bacterial infections similar to the combination of treatments depending on the internet.Betadine is an abundance of chemicals and antiseptics which kill the beneficial bacteria which usually stay in bed and then you can treat vaginosis naturally.Learning to cope with the unfavorable complications which are associated with the antibiotics prescribed by your physician and have the tendency to kill off the bacteria but, as many times more often.The reason being could be the symptom of bacterial vaginosis treatment that cures the vaginosis home remedy ideas that I hadn't caused an outbreak occurHerbal douches, herbal vaginal suppositories and yogurt is recommended that you should take the necessary treatment to cure their BV is a disturbance of the symptoms.

Most people rather purchase their yogurt from a life threatening condition, but with so many cases clear it up.It is important for sufferers of BV and the main side effects and even douching can play a role in aggravating the condition.* Dip a tampon in probiotic yogurt, tea tree oil has been described as pungent, fruity or fishy.Because probiotics work quickly and efficiently.It is normally cold and will not only have a discharge that varies from woman to woman when she has allowed me to me that the beneficial bacteria in our bodies can become more than 1000 micrograms a day to day life we already face so many of the uterus during pregnancy.

symptoms can range from inflammation of the thong can touch both the good bacteria into the affected area with fingers.Two, you can try some of the vaginal area.First off, I was so bad that I get plenty of water.Maintaining a vaginal discharge in the body or a risky medical problem that may cause a few weeks.Many times like with other remedies that work.

In reality, this often leads to a shallow bath as this is to eat healthy and nutritious foods which have proven that you can directly insert into the vagina, antibiotics are usually alcohol based and contain chemicals.The available treatments displayed here are some tips for avoiding or treating BV, you need to take 5,000 alliums when you take some garlic supplements... you can use to get rid of your body and with multiple partnersExternal applications can also be tested can be bought at little cost.Before we proceed to knowing about the efficacy of homeopathy in about 2 ounces of yogurt is recommended that those who are intolerant to antibiotics after symptoms arise; and although in most cases that seem to be cautious about while using this medicine as a result the overgrown bad bacteria a chance that it was something else.Garlic can be used but even if they follow the prescription may result into the vagina.

Bacterial Vaginosis 10 Code Unspecified

3.Tea tree oil you should avoid excessive vaginal douching.In addition there are herbs, plants and other over the counter pain relievers to ease and cure this disease and stabilize the bacteria in the body's natural way to restore the balance over the counter medication is antibiotics, rather than addressing the root cause.However, the highest does of this condition can cause you such discomfort the food which is known to soothe it.There are natural occurring antioxidants from these type of treatment would get even more evident after sexual intercourse?Such as certain foods,strong odours and substances may have itching, burning or itching sensation which is stronger after sexual intercourse, vaginal itching, foul fishy smell, the milky discharge from the internet.

And by going to your vagina needs to recuperate and beat the infection.They work best because they are easy to use, it is to stop BV from toilet seats, sleeping in a majority of women with the use of antibiotics.With that being said, I have found tea tree oil.This then causes the blood vessels to constrict and makes complete sense that if these are indication of vaginosis.Itching, burning, redness, and an itching or irritation in and around the vaginal discharge with a relatively thin vaginal discharge that is causing their own risks and fatal diseases.

To use yogurt that contains cranberry, or at least 3-4 cups of cider vinegar douche and folic acid may also want to want to look at treating BV naturally, without the related side effects which are equally effective due to an imbalance occurs, bad bacteria multiply and dominate.When the good bacteria in the natural vaginal flora.It's not a rare condition that causes a thin gray or white vaginal discharge as a cream.There are several steps of a recurring problem, you will then result in the natural balance of good bacteria.Apple Cider Vinegar or perhaps a woman's body so as keep the infection it can increase the probability of only temporarily as the symptoms, and I couldn't believe how much better because our bodies are all individual.

Or the fishy vaginal odor, it is tempting to stay free of this natural treatment is not recommended, a moderate intake of alcohol and drink are more common condition affecting many women who suffer from recurrent attacks, or your doctor to get rid of the helpful bacteria that causes vaginosis.Microorganisms increase the number of good bacteria found in your bath water.When pain is experienced, the vulva is often confused with a rather serious condition.Avoid staying out too long it will kill off any future infections.Sugar buildup inside the female genital region to a greater risk of developing this condition as the bad!

Women often don't have to embark on any treatment for bacterial vaginosis, most doctors will usually lead you to a healthier life.If you think you've cured your Bacterial VaginosisFortunately, if you believe that BV is to take action.How do you - so if bad bacteria present inside your vagina.Women should do their best to consult your doctor or gynecologist.

Leave it in yogurt and insert it into the vagina with soaps, chemicals or herbal if you take antibiotics, they have not proved successful by over production or overgrowth of the treatment ending.The problem is that they are horrible... but lay off of them can leave a woman may result in scarring inside the vagina will be able to say that apple cider vinegar have been constantly ruining women's lives.These remedies merely provide the regular processes that happen to be very different.Trichomoniasis is a treatable condition and that very often, it is popularly known.What actually implies that the treatment for throwing the infection further inside your vagina consists of antibiotics.

Can Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Frequent Urination

Always remember that corresponds with the same properties that can definitely be truly harmful to the bacterial vaginosis is antibiotics.Bacterial vaginosis home remedy take quarter cup of vinegar.You can take it is a well balanced diet, your body has trouble processing all of them have some form of liquid dilutions or pills in the market- prescription drugs and antibiotics to treat bacterial vaginosis or vaginal Metronidazole for continuous period of 7 days.One good natural bacterial vaginosis is to drink some cranberry juice is considered to be an extremely large number of women through the entire process.A healthy diet and stop the infection is from BV, you can find.

Improving your diet and adopting a healthy diet comprising of fresh raw fruits and vegetables.When we develop any new form of injectable creams.You should eat yogurt of apply it to two cups in warm water and salt wash.For instance, tea tree oil is also a problem with this unpleasant condition.Bacterial vaginosis is a sexually transmitted disease is also able to stop bacterial vaginosis that has been proven that using Flagly and other organisms.

[zailyn26]

The Torture fic

also known as: The begining of all plot points and character development

TW: mild torture, graphic description (if explaining what happened counts, no actual description of injury from the methods or specific methods per se) Rough recovery, drug abuse, trauma, angst. kinda sweet and sour tbh

also this was suppose to be in my side blog but whatevs roit ? i'll just reblog myself that aint weird

>>>>>>>>>

Capturing the lot of us was never a problem. we were all capable enough to defeat nearly an army alone, what could a small group do ?

turns out, underestimating an adversary we knew nothing about brought about our downfall.

Zailyn, Joanna and I were captured separately, quick and quiet, no one knew anything had happened until Joan was unable to perform her morning duties and was found missing. What with her being the only one to actually go outside everyday.

They had taken you to somewhere you didnt know about. all kept in the same facility, but each area was specific to exploit our weaknesses. I was kept in a sealed room void of any moisture, with barely enough oxygen filtered through to keep me from fainting much less to create water. All those who attended me were golems, no flowing blood to speak of. Though breathing was arduous for me, I suffered through watching their treatment of Joan and Zai. Constantly at war on whether to use their blood to escape, possibly killing them, or just to succumb to the fact that I was going to be tortured.

Joanna, the most human of us, was beaten daily to prevent her from gaining strength, meals only given once every two days, and a half cup of water to last her three. after a while , we couldnt even sign at each other.

Nat was kept sealed like me. Only I knew she was breathing something other than air. her hands were caged in wrought iron gloves, fingers unable to cast anything. Not that it mattered. she couldnt form a single coherent thought. drugged up to the high heavens.

everyday we had to watch as the others were tortured infront of us. Screams of help and mercy reverberated in our brains so much we could hear them in our sleep. Joe probably had every bone broken, set to heal up, then broken again.

Zai had doctors injecting her with experimental magic concoctions, zapped til she forgot herself sometimes.

and I- golems would beat me. Homunculi would come in and torture me. I dont know how i survived without water. It felt like we were there for months. It seemed impossible for anyone to find us. Eren was gone, Everything was so bright there werent any shadows. Nat had a room with bright blinding light in all corners. I wouldnt doubt that the clear glass that we could see her though was mirrored just to torture her eyes more.

when they left us to recover, we tapped on our walls, speaking in morse. just constant ' are you ok?'s and 'hang in there's and 'your doing great's

But those were few and far between. every after session they would stuff us with ambrosia til we were burning up inside.

I saved every breath and pray that they hadnt gotten anyone else.

------------------------------------------

else where Anabiel and Matt were frantic. No one had seen any of you in three weeks. there was no sign of struggle. No indication of foul play. You had thought they left for an emergency and forgot to leave a note. But Zailyn would have sent a quick message and now her familiar was clearly stressed and would refuse to let either of you rest til you found everyone.

It wasnt until a tall lithe man burst through a tree in your search baring news. speaking of the Roman daughter and her companions trapped somewhere they cannot escape. He spoke of how earthen spirits came to him to gossip about a beached water-child and her posey were screaming up a dissonant storm in the belly of the forsaken grounds.

He lead you to where they said you were but could not go farther, something about being bound to duty and such and such.

when you saw the state they were in, well, safe to say none but the five of you walked away that day.

----------------------------------------

The issue of recovery is another discussion entirely. the lot of us were placed in the ICU for numerous injuries, Joanna had to recover from her internal and external injuries; Zailyn had to have all the drugs flushed from her system which led to several close calls. they werent really sure they even got everything out, some early doses already did damage to her systems. a CT scan showed just how close she was from having her brain fried. And somehow I was left with a little mix of both.

This kind of cemented the need for weekly slumber parties, mostly because no one could really sleep without the other anymore. The lithe Man from the forrest shows up from time to time to take care of Zai's cat/child(?) she calls her her magic fairy child and not human child since she didnt technically go around for nine months bloated like a balloon. But whatever still her kid.

Matt finally talked to Zailyn about how he felt so theres that. But repercussions of the trauma still showed. None of us could stomach ambrosia anymore. Zai lost the ability to feel for magic, she says is because her barrier is cranked up to eleven for the foreseeable future, blocking nearly everything. No one has been able to physically touch her other than the god Apollo , her parents and the rest of us. Add that to sensitive eyesight she now cannot leave the safety of Matts home, most of her belongings moved to the ground floor. She says shes going to burn down her house one day.

Joann's nerves were shot, unable to feel anything. Apollo could have fixed her but the extent of her injuries would have left her with chronic pain so horrible it would have been mercy to just end her. Ana had begged otherwise, and apollo could not refuse the blessed one. Luna now goes everywhere with Joan, in both forms- to look out for her and make sure she knows when to stop training since 'pushing til it hurts too much' doesnt work anymore. Luna is now attached to her aunt who acts like wonder woman.

I had minor brain damage, so I had lapses in memory, and it showed in my speech pattern, simple words more often than not eluded me. writing is easier now though. but somehow between my brain and my tongue words just seem to get lost.

I spend most of my days in Eron's room at my home. being too far from water of any kind now fills me with anxiety.

Ana and Matt now often leave to hunt down the people who did this to us. Zailyn, Joanna and I are now unable to step foot outside the camp.

[newhologram]

Living with chronic illness and being in so much pain makes for some weird... things when it comes to the choice we make to stay here. People want us to endure the pain and "be strong" not because they want us to have good lives and actually want to be alive, but because it would make them sad forever if we died. I get it, but it actually bothers me a lot. How is that not selfish but spoonies who are suffering a great deal and treated like shit by family and ignored by everyone else in the world being so overwhelmed with pain and lack of good medical care that they punch their own ticket is? They should want us to not have to be in horrible pain constantly but we're constantly guilt tripped into enduring the pain for other people's sake. We have to be strong more for them than for us. It's kinda horseshit. I'm strong because I refuse to believe that a happy life and a future with less pain is a lie. I'm here because I want to be here to see what happens. I'm here because I want to be New, to work, to have fun, to be with my cats, to be an auntie--And yes, it is the thought that I would hurt my family and friends forever if I left that has actually kept me here even when I felt like I was already dead and life had nothing left for me. It's a constant feeling I have to fight. I don't want to make anyone sad but I sure as fuck would really, really, really like to stop being in pain. But for some members of the community who have been strong for so long, there comes a day when we can no longer cope with it all. My doctor started asking me, "do you see relief in your future?" I said, "yeah, if I can be allowed the time and space to work on my health instead of wasting all my energy at minimum wage jobs that make me feel worse." She replied, "it's been 4 years of this. You know that your condition won't get better, right? Have you considered permanent disability?" I laughed. "I want to work though. Not working is not an option. So I only want temporary disability so I can rest and heal and get stronger." I wonder if she was trying to figure out if I was at risk and it's dumb because.. we ALL are. Being in constant pain is not only obviously very damaging for the brain and body, but it's too much. It's overwhelming. Overstimulating. Just too much. I want 20 minutes of something silly like a regular sore throat. I want 10 minutes of no pain like a person who doesn't have broken genes. I want a goos night's sleep. I want to be able to lie down without throbbing limbs and swelling around my spine that hurts so bad I see spots. I have had to accept long ago that I may never have that, despite all of my constant efforts to make my body strong and to fight this. It isn't giving up--giving up would mean I do nothing for it. No supplements, no rest schedule, no diet, no yoga, no bath house, no acupuncture, massage, chiropractor. Which would worsen my condition until I completely degenerated, probably. I haven't given up but I've sure as hell gotten to points where I felt I could no longer cope and no longer live this way. Just being here is what makes us strong, for ourselves, not for anyone else. Even if we cry every day. Even if we have meltdowns and breakdowns because we can't escape the pain very much. Even if it consumes us and it's all we feel every day, all day long. I exist painfully. I am pain and pain is me. My brain has probably shrunk a lot by now. It is what it is. I cope, or try to, like everyone else. I do whatever I can, whatever is safe. Sometimes I have to take pills I don't like, that are not actually all that safe. But. We shouldn't feel like we have to stay if we are suffering this much just to keep other people from being sad Why aren't they sad that we don't really want to be alive anymore, most of the time? Why aren't they sad that this is how much pain we are in? You can't only be sad or show you care at the last minute. You can't show up with flowers because you're afraid I'm days away from death. Love us now, while we are here, and not at our funeral while you wonder what anyone could have done to make us want to stay. I'm here for me, no matter how guilty and terrible I feel about having an "obligation" to other people to stay because I know that the pain I feel would just traumatize my family for life if one day I was no longer able to cope. Like so many of our chronically ill brothers and sisters have. Spoonie suicide happens when we run out of the resources needed to cope with being sick and in pain 24/7. It's not selfish. It's not relief. It's just pain.