#whisker grill

[thetigers]

Synthetic Feline by Beru Betto Art

[british-catgirl]

starting a collection

[ice-cap-k]

Silent Squeak

Cross-posted to AO3 here: Silent Squeak

_______________________________________________________

“Do you want the veggie rolls or the dumplings?”

“Dumplings, please. Whatever recipe you use tastes amazing.”

“Thanks. Just give me a moment to plate it.”

The smell of warm dumplings made Owen’s mouth water. He was starving and knew that the meal about to be served would be worth every second of the wait. Everyone knew Scott was the best cook in the attic. Between the farm fresh veggies he had managed to grow in his makeshift indoor garden to the hours spent perfecting his craft over a hot pot, the field rat had refined his talent to a peak. And that worked out perfectly since few other rats were so interested in the culinary craft.

Owen could manage a few of the simpler things. His own veggie rolls and grilled steak turned out edible, at least. Maybe a little chewy, but that just added to the experience. They were rats. Chewing through stuff was in their nature.

“Here you are.” A plate clatters onto the tabletop in front of Owen. The smell of the broth hits his sensitive nose, and the spoon is in his hand in an instant. The first bite almost burns his tongue, but he doesn’t care. The warm food tastes like the most amazing thing he’s had for a while.

“You know,” Scott says with a smirk as he slides into the booth on the opposite side of the table. “You could always try to make something with the food you steal from the pantry instead of eating it plain.”

Owen pulls the spoon out of his mouth and uses it to point at the farm rat. “That’s what I have you for,” he says around a mouthful of dumpling. “Why would I cook when I could just ask you to make something for me?”

He rolled his eyes. “And here I thought you visit so often because you enjoy my charming personality.”

“It can be for that too. You’re a really good friend, Scott. Who said it can’t be both?”

“Oh. Well, I really appreciate the visits.” A little smile appeared between Scott’s whiskers. His eyes dropped to his own bowl of dumplings and the spoon in his hand. “I don’t mind cooking, though. If it wasn’t so cold outside, I could have brought the food to set up a picnic on your balcony.”

“You wouldn’t have had to bring food,” Owen said, shoveling another spoonful into his mouth. 

Scott’s eyebrows shot up. “How else would I make something for us to eat?”

Owen had to think about that for a moment. “Well, we could try cooking at my place.”

“But you don’t even have a kitchen in your clock tower,” Scott said incredulously, gesturing to their surroundings with a free hand. 

Scott’s home was admittedly one of the most complete in the attic. Many rats had plenty of rooms and accommodations. Some had even built up storefronts and businesses outside of their personal nests. Owen’s clock, though, was hollowed out with a mindset more focused on convenience and his own personal interests. There was a small mudroom at the base of the clock, and if you climbed the gears he could reach his tinkering workshop and bedroom behind the clock face. A simple hallway led to an elaborate balcony, but that had admittedly been built by Scott. And that was it. There wasn’t much else that could fit inside.

The grandfather clock didn’t have things like kitchens, cozy living room seating spaces, or teal and orange booths set in the wall where he could eat with company. 

Although Martyn’s Bar did have most of that. He supposed that was always an option.

“Fair enough. By the way, how are you feeling?”

Scott’s ears twitched to match the confusion that crossed his face. One ear pressed flat against the back of his head, the other swiveled forward to catch Owen’s words. “What do you mean,” he said, blinking blankly.

“That janitor really got you the other day. We were all scared for you. And when the Mom of the house let you go you were shaking. So I thought I’d ask you how you’re feeling now that things have died down a little.”

The spoon dropped from Scott’s claws. The sudden clatter made Owen flinch. “Sorry,” Scott said hurriedly, scooping up the spoon and shoving another bite of food into his mouth. He looked away as he chewed. One claw shot out, indicating to Owen to wait while Scott finished. 

By the way, Scott’s face grew a few shades paler, though, the tinker rat figured that this was more of an attempt to stall. “Scott?”

“Sorry…” Scott took a moment to swallow. The food must have gone down heavy because Owen could hear the gulp from across the table. “Of course I’m fine. You don’t have to worry. It’s not like I’m the only one who’s ever gotten tossed in a cage around here.”

“No, but I’d imagine your experience was a bit rougher than average…” “I said I’m fine.” Owen was surprised by the forcefulness in Scott’s tone. The farm rat was usually so quiet and polite. It wasn’t exactly impolite, but he had made it clear that he wasn’t interested in discussing further. “Although, speaking of which,” Scott continued with some of the curiosity and lightness returning to his voice as he changed the subject. “Any news on the recovery of that crow the daughter was taking care of? Were they able to put a splint on their wing?”

“Oh yeah,” Owen perked right up as memories of today's event started replaying in his head. “They managed to bandage up Kara’s wing a little better. It seems our attempt at first aid was a little lackluster. The wrapping had started coming loose.”

Scott nodded along, fully absorbed in this new conversation. “Well, none of us are medical professionals. How long will it take to heal?”

“I’m not sure, but-”

They carried on like this for the rest of the meal, discussing the day’s events and plans for the Christmas celebration. There was a lot of planning and things to look forward to, and Owen completely forgot about Scott’s dismissive response when he brought up the incident with the cage.

________________________________________

“Under the table! Under the table! Quick! QUICK!!”

“He’s right behind us!!”

Owen dove nose first under the coffee table left out in the entryway. Claws scrabbled at the tiled floor as he pressed himself beneath the bracers connecting its legs where the butler wouldn’t be able to reach him. As soon as he was out of harm's way, he turned to check if Scott had made it as well.

“Owen!”

His best friend was reaching out to him. His eyes were round with terror as he leaped for safety. “SCOTT!”

A large hand swooped down and the other rat disappeared behind massive fingers. Scott let out a strangled squeak as the human’s grip tightened around him.  His muffled voice faded as the hand carried him back up into the air.

“Drat. He got Scott.” Owen watched from his hiding place as the butler made for the lounge. There would be a rat trap in the back corner, nestled up against the fireplace. He’d been caught and tossed in that trap countless times. Once the coast was clear, he could run in and let Scott out. He would just have to keep an eye out for the cats. 

Moments passed, and eventually, the disgruntled butler left the lounge empty-handed. Owen couldn’t speak human, but he could tell by the tone of their voice that the butler wasn’t happy. But he was leaving and that was what was most important. That meant the clock was ticking on the opportunity to get Scott out of there.

He pulled himself out from under the table and tore across the linoleum. Please don’t let there be cats. No cats. No cats. No cats. 

Luck was on his side today. No big hairballs were prowling around the lounge. It was a straight shot to the fireplace.

“I got you, Scott.” With one great leap, Owen launched himself up onto the platform the cage was resting on. He shoved down the lever on the latch. The metal door fell open with a clank. “Let’s go before he comes back.”

He turned to jump back off the countertop but stopped when he didn’t hear pawsteps behind him. When he looked back, Scott was still inside the cage. He was looking down at the bars on the floor, one hand gripping a wire making up the wall. 

“Scott?”

Owen padded back, but Scott still didn’t make any move to leave. “Everything alright,” he asked, ducking into the cage with his friend. 

“I’m fine.” Scott’s voice was small. He usually was pretty soft-spoken, but this was even quieter than normal for the farm rat. Now that Owen was closer, he could see Scott’s shaking shoulders and hands.  

“Are you sure…” 

“I’m sure.” With a deep breath, Scott squared his shoulders. The shaking stopped as a big, empty smile stretched across his face. “Thank you for saving me.” With that, he scampered out of the cage, leaving Owen to follow after.

Owen blinked with surprise. “Hey, wait for me,” he shouted before jumping down after his friend. 

Scott looked over his shoulder as he ran on all fours. There’s mischief glinting in his eye. The smile on his face began to look a little more real. “Last one to the attic is a rotten cat!” he calls. 

“Hey!” Owen pushes past his concern for his friend. Scott wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway. He was okay now. Everyone got spooked when the humans caught them. That was all it had been. It had to be.

Owen was generally bigger than Scott. Faster than him too. Scott may have a head start on him, but there was no way he was losing this race. “I’m going to make you eat those words!”

____________________________________________________

“Hey, have you noticed anything off about Scott lately?”

Owen put the glass in his hand down on the bar counter. Only half of his drink had been emptied, but Martyn was already pouring him another glass. He nodded his thanks, wrapping his fingers around the base of the cup without really lifting it off the bar. “What do you mean?”

It was just the two of them at the moment, but it was getting late and the other rats around the attic would start filtering into the bar sooner or later. That was fine by Owen, it had been a long day. He could sit back and enjoy the warm atmosphere and excessive amount of Christmas decorations Martyn had set up around the business. It was one of the more elaborate builds in the attic and a good place to kill time now that Owen was no longer banned.

“Maybe ‘lately' is the wrong word,” Martyn said, crossing both arms and leaning against the counter from the server’s side. “It’s been going on for a bit, but hasn’t he seemed a bit more twitchy whenever the other humans are passing by?”

Owen smirked and rolled his eyes. “I would hope everyone is twitchy around them. Not keeping your guard up will get you captured. Or dead.”

Martyn shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, you’re not wrong. It just seems to me, like, whenever one of us gets into trouble, Scott immediately is there. He’s always the first to jump when one of us gets caught. He’s almost always the one to flick the switch. And when he gets caught… Well, I’ve never had a panic attack myself before but it sure does make me think of one. I can get freaking out when you’re in one of those cages, but it’s like Scott just… I don’t know. Shuts down?”

Despite himself, Owen couldn’t keep his ears from drooping at Martyn’s words. The other rat’s eyes followed the small movement. How could he not? They were a dead giveaway to Owen’s own thoughts on the matter. “I see. So you’ve noticed it too.”

It shouldn’t surprise the tinker rat that the others would have caught on as well. 

“He doesn’t want to talk about it.” Owen stared down at his own reflection in his glass. It looked back at him with a somber expression. “It’s been happening ever since the basement blew up and the janitor caught him. I’ve tried asking him if he’s okay, but he just says that he’s fine. I don’t think he’s actually fine.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Owen shot a glare at the other rat. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. It’s you two who are all buddy buddy all the time. Surely you’ve got something in mind.”

“I don’t,” Owen admitted. “Not really. I guess I’ll just keep being there for him if he needs me. And if he wants to talk about it, then I’ll listen.” 

Martyn smiles. He uncrosses his arms and pushes off the bar as he reaches for another glass. “Good plan. And if you want there’s always the option to get him drunk and see if he’ll talk then, huh?”

“Martyn,” Owen hissed in disdain. “Don’t talk like that. That would never work.”

“Well, you might want to tell him that,” the older rat says, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously. Owen was about to ask him what he meant by that when Martyn’s attention shifted from him to something behind him. “Hey Scott,” he called, holding up the glass. “What can I do you for?”

“Hey Martyn,” Scott’s voice drifted from the direction of the doorway. “Don’t mind me. I’m just here to see if Owen wants to grab a bite to eat.”

Owen’s breath catches in his throat as he whirls around to see his best friend stepping into the room. “Hi…” He breathes, feeling somewhat panicked. How much had Scott heard? By the serene smile on the farm rat’s face, he hoped the answer was ‘nothing.’ Scott didn’t look like he had heard anything from that conversation. “Hi,” he replied back. “Are you hungry?” “Huh? Oh, yeah. Actually. I’m famished. I just… let me just finish-”

“You know,” Martyn cut in. “I did just pour one out for Owen, and I have plenty of leftover steak I swiped from the pantry earlier today. How about I throw some on a plate for the two of you? On the house.” 

Owen shot the other rat a pointed glare, but Martyn was outright ignoring him. The older rat kept his eyes glued on Scott, who perked up at the idea. “That’s really nice of you. Thank you, Martyn. Here, let me pull up a seat.”

“Sure, and let me pour you one of your usuals to go with it.”

“Aww, thanks!”

Owen tried to stare down Martyn. Signal him with his ears or eyes. Something to get the other rat’s attention and get him to stop whatever he was getting at. Martyn noticed him. He smiled at Owen but continued to ignore him as he slipped into the back room to get the steak.

“This is nice,” Scott said, slipping into the stool beside Owen. “It’s been a while since we’ve eaten out or got drinks together. Hope you don’t have any plans after this, because if he starts playing Christmas tunes over the speaker we are doing karaoke.”

“Sure,” Owen said, nervously taking a drink from his glass. He was going to need it. “Let’s see where the night takes us.”

[floridaboiler]

HAPPY NATIONAL CATFISH DAY!!! Catfish gets its name from the long barbels that hang on either side of its mouth, much like the whiskers of a cat. Catfish is one of the highest consumed fish species in America. You can have it breaded and fried, or grilled over coals and served with tangy fruity salsa.

Source - https://mewe.com/p/bikinisummer

[klm-zoflorr]

You know the drill by now. Marley incorrect quotes. They're funny. Part 9.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: How long does your ideal hug last?

Historia: 38-45 minutes

Mikasa: That's really impractical

Historia: You said ideal, not realistic!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, writing a letter to Magath:

Dear Commander,

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?????

Kindest regards, Zeke

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa, about Eren: I can excuse terrorism but I draw the line at mass murder

Falco: You can excuse terrorism ??

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Thanks for always giving me great advice Commander, even if I don’t always use it.

Commander Magath: You actually never use it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: It's not my fault dad likes me better than he likes you

Zeke: Oh, don't flatter yourself. Dad likes everyone better than he likes me

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: I have a big announcement, everybody! Armin and I-

Sasha: Omg, you're pregnant??

Eren: Congratulations !

Connie: I'm so excited to find out if I'm gonna be an aunt or an uncle!

Annie: What? No, stop that. Armin and I bought fake beards, glasses and monkey plushies, we're gonna make Historia believe she has even more far removed psycho relatives lol

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: What happens when you die?

Zeke: Your soul goes into paths

Eren: No, I mean - when you die, do I get your stuff?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: I want us to be more than friends

Historia, clapping her hands excitedly: BEST friends??!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: *stoned out of his mind* I'm hungry

Carla Yaeger: I'm disappointed in you

Eren: Grilled cheese

Carla: What?

Eren: Grill me a cheese

Carla: I'm not doing that!

Eren: *starts crying*

Carla: Oh, for God's sake

*Cut to Carla making him a grilled cheese*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Merry day before Christmas!!

Porco: It's called eve

Falco: Oh sorry. Merry day before eve!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren fighting the Warhammer Titan: Call an ambulance!

Eren unplugging Lara Tybur from her titan: BUT NOT FOR ME!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Tits or ass?

Reiner: Uhhh

Bertholt : ✨personality✨

Porco: It's not about which one you think is your best quality, Bertholt

Ymir: Ass.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, wearing cat ears and drawn on whiskers: Zeke, where are your whiskers ?

Zeke, also wearing cat ears: Ask again and you'll be down to eight lives.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, to Falco: Oh please. Do you really think that disapproving glare works on me after all the times I've seen it?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, after learning of Ymir's death: Maybe because you're skinny, and maybe because you're pretty, you're used to getting away with things. But I want you to know that your actions have an affect on others, and I hate you, and you are a horrible person, and you not understanding that you are a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person.

Porco:

Porco: *blushing* You think I'm pretty?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Right now I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.

Eren: Can I pick?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I finally figured out what's been missing from my life.

Eren, pulling away the red curtain to reveal the Yeagerists: It's henchmen

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, about Reiner: What does being claustrophobic mean?

Falco: It means he's scared of Santa Claus

Reiner: No, it doesn't!

Gabi: Oh oh oh!

Colt: Stop it Gabi, you're scaring him!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: So you believe in God?

Hannes: Yeah, I do.

Grisha: Ahah, that's so stupid.

Hannes: Well, what do YOU believe in?

Grisha: That there is a millenia old mute teenager hanging around in a parallel plane of existence building up titans and reconstructing my arms when I get injured, all that with only magic sand and not a drop of water. There's no food there but it's fine because she's dead anyways. Also she's everyone's ancestor and if she allows you to you can talk in everyone's heads. She gained the ability to transform into a 120 meters tall skeletal monstrosity after a weird underground worm grafted itself onto her spine. You too can gain that ability by eating people!

Hannes: I... Okay. I'm just... Gonna leave now...

Grisha, loudly, at Hannes' retreating form: I DID IT BY THE WAY. I ATE PEOPLE AND WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Grisha: For the greater good, of course.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: So there I was, burying a Marleyan in the garden in a nightgown and slutty fishnet pantyhose...

Eren: And you think that's a normal Saturday morning activity?

Yelena: Well you gotta bury them somewhere!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: Is it ok if I use gendered terms?

Yelena: Sure... Whatever

Floch: Fuck you.

Yelena: Where was the gendered term?

Floch: In your mom

Yelena:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Hi! How's it going?

Gabi: I don't know... I feel weird. *touches her arm* when I touch there it hurts.

Gabi: *touches her head* and when I touch there it hurts

Gabi: *touches her leg* and there too...

Gabi: *touches her shoulder* and it hurts as well...

Falco:

Falco, grabbing her hand: Gabi, your finger is broken.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, about Ymir and Annie: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Annie: Excuse me??

Eren: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing in everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Ymir:

Historia:

Armin:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*S1*

Eren: I'm having a really hard time, I just lost my mother.

Reiner: I'm sorry, do you want me to help you go look for her?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: Would you like to know the quickest way to a man's heart?

Carla: *twirling her hair* Go on?

Grisha: Bilateral incision to the upper left region of the sternum.

Carla: What the fuck

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: So how do you ask someone out?

Eren: Well, first-

Mikasa: Don't ask him. He asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Eren: ...You said yes though?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, to Connie: You're starting to forget your Spanish because you don't practice

Connie: Lo siento. Estoy embarazado.

Sasha: You just told me you're pregnant.

Jean: Congratulations Connie, you're glowing!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask someone if they're a horse but can't tell people what my name is in French

Jean: Ask me if I'm a horse. I dare you.

Armin: Tu es un cheval?

Jean: Nay

Armin: Oh you-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi, getting enrolled into the Survey Corps: You kill people for money??

Erwin: Look, it's not THAT extreme, we only do it when there's no other-

Levi: And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, a big smile on her face: You have to be the worst driver I've ever seen. How the hell did you get a licence?

Sasha:

Falco, appearing from the backseat discheveled: Please tell me you have a licence

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, her ear stuck to the door: I can hear three -no wait maybe, maybe four of them?

Gabi: They're talking about whether Kylie Jenner would make a good mother

*Reiner, Annie, Marcel and Porco's conversation gets heated*

Gabi: The consensus seems to be "no"

Falco: Well, that's why I'm a Chloe man

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: So does your friend... Mikasa, know about our plans?

Eren: Of course! Mikasa is in the known of all my plans, I heavily imply those to her all the time!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: I have no fears!

Historia: What if you wake up one day and Eren is taller than you?

Jean: I have one fear.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: What now, you just turn tail on the family business?

Eren: Nothing says family quite like the whole family being dead

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: May I get you anything to drink, Eren?

S1 Eren: The tears of titans wrenched from their bodies as their bones are crushed.

Hange: We have jasmine tea.

Eren: Oh, jasmine. Yes, please.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, to the 104th: If I die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucking party and you're all invited

Armin: If

Annie: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and he might not even die

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: Why do people have quiet respectful funerals? When I die I want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting "thanks for the memories" by fall out boy

Porco: Jesus god almighty

Marcel: Dare tell me you wouldn't want to go to that kind of funeral. Come on.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: So can you take me to the ice cream store? Reiner said no

Porco: Well if Reiner said no then why should I say yes?

Gabi: Because he's not the boss of you!

Porco: *realises it's a trap*

Porco:

Porco: *getting up* Go get your stuff

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco, in a high-pitched voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Gabi, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Zeke: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Porco: Playing systemic oppression.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Porco: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Gabi, go find out if that airship can catch fire!

Reiner: You're a bad influence.

Porco: And you don't know your sayings.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: You’ve heard of Netflix and Chill, now get ready for…

Marcel: ...IMAX and climax!

Pieck: Blockbuster and Cockthruster.

Porco: Hulu and Woohoo?

Zeke: Amazon Prime and Sexy Time!

Reiner: Church and repentance.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Yeah, like your family is so perfect! Your brother's a pervert!

Eren: Don't talk to me about the sexual habits of family members, what about your cousin?

Gabi: Reiner has been through a lot...

Eren: ...yeah, of dick!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner, covering Gabi's ears with his hands: Honestly I would be offended on my own behalf but WHY ARE YOU TALKING THIS WAY TO A TWELVE YEAR OLD??

Eren: When I was her age I was running for my life and slaughtering grown men. She'll be fine.

Reiner: You are not even REMOTELY what I would call "fine"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bertholt: You're so pretty

Annie: r u flirting with me

Bertholt: Yeah

Annie: dont ever do it again

Bertholt: Sorry

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: It's been a tough year

Yelena: It's the first week of January

Floch: Your point?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: I mean, to be fair, we did organize a hostile takeover of our government, start a rebellion, invade his home, blow up his home, engage in technical terrorism, involving MULTIPLE sentient titans and A LOT of explosives, blow up his train, kill a bunch of his men, blow up his ship, shot him, shot him again and killed him. I'd be stressed too.

Mikasa: Well, if my ability to feel emotions hadn't been irrevocably numbed over a thousand times over.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: *holding acorn* What's this?

Connie: A tree

Gabi: Really?

Connie: In a nutshell, yes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Historia: Bold of you to assume I was even held!

Mikasa: Historia, we've talked about this

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: What did you two do?

Mikasa:

Armin:

Hange, whispering: You're not in trouble. I just need to know if I have to lie to the Yeagerists again or not.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Aww Pieck, you had a crush on me, that's sooo embarrassing!

Pieck: We're literally married.

Zeke: Still.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt: I told you not to wear it in the shower!

Falco, holding a soggy Burger King crown: I don’t need a lecture right now, okay? I need emotional support

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I love hearing Mikasa shouting at someone else. It makes for such a nice change.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: It'll take a lot more than trying to kill Hange with a hammer to make her wanna run away.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Are you single?

Marcel: "single" is the word the government created to give Americans tax disadvantages. If you're asking me if I'm lonely the answer is yes

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Are you alright?

Reiner: I'm gonna start charging people money for asking me that.

Eren: Oh, sorry. I meant it in a sarcastic way.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Mikasa is at a weaponsmith's exhibit, looking at all the pretty knives*

Eren: She's like a kid in a candy store

Armin: A butcher at a slaughterhouse perhaps

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: *in paths, making his grand speech about how Eldians need to be exterminated for there to be true peace*

Eren: Stop talking, please, this is just embarrassing.

Zeke: Stop me yourself, coward

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: *sending a message to Zeke of him standing in an empty field with the caption "I thought you'd like to know that I'm outstanding in my field"*

Zeke, texting back: Tf u gt data cover in Hel? 😳

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Erwin, texting: How make chicken

Levi, also texting: What

Erwin: Where buy chicken

Levi: Erwin this isn't google

Erwin: Avacoda

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, texting: fr eren giv paths bac u suk 😠🖕🏻

Eren, also texting: What, so you can forcibly mutilate our people for an uncaring and selfish nation who will never even recognise what you did for them? No way in hell I'm doing that bro.

Zeke: your anoyin

Eren: *you're

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, texting: h3y hru 😙

Pieck, also texting: Where are you? I'm at the front desk of the grocery store, please don't make me ask them to call you here.

Zeke: im coming. wat u think abt sover8y of the hi2ry ppl fro this mor9 gen meet? 🤔🤓

Pieck: What? Do you mean "What do I think about the sovereignty of the Hitoury people from this morning's general meeting"? Why are you asking me this by text?

Zeke: ya

Zeke: luv u bby c u lat3r <3 😘😍

Pieck: Please stop texting like a lovesick illiterate 13 year old girl.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, texting Connie: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Ily

Connie: Ily 2 bro <3

Connie: Evil gang 😈

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean, texting: You are in a realm by yourself, the laughing stock of your village. You are a comedic vessel that has no port or harbor, a joke of a wanderer with no destination.

Reiner, texting back: I think u have the wrong number

Jean: is this eren?

Reiner: no

Jean: My bad

Jean: 👍

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Well clearly you don't own an ✨air fryer✨

Gabi: Why are y'all frying air?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, to Mikasa: Oh please, don't be so dramatic. If I'm really as evil as you say then may God strike me where I stand...

*lightning strikes*

Zeke, looking at the charred piece of ground 1 meter away from him:

Zeke: HA!! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: I mean, to be stab-worthy, you know? It's, uh...

Sasha: It's kind of a compliment

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Armin: IT. I threw the remote at my tv when the clown showed up. Never again.

Historia: Annabelle

Eren: Paranormal Activity

Annie: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the lyrics.

Mikasa: That time me and Eren got kidnapped.

Historia: That time you got WHAT

Ymir: That's not even a movie.

Mikasa: Still.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Eren sneaking back into his bedroom after a night of plotting war crimes*

Levi, flicking the light on: Mind telling me where you've been all night?

Eren: I was... Going over some plans with Commander Hange

Hange, turning around dramatically in Eren's chair: Wanna try that one again?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*During the time they were waiting for Eren*

Hange, to the pitch black room: If chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would?

Levi: Hange, it's 4 AM. I don't have the patience for that kind of conversation.

Hange: What if you gave them titan serum, would they grow bigger?

Levi: Hange.

Hange: How do we know regular chickens don't already have a taste for our blood? Maybe they just play coy and innocent, until the day we're at their mercy, and then BAM!

Levi: They're vegetarian, Hange. They eat grain.

Hange: But are we sure of that?? I mean, we deduce an animal's diet by what they eat in the wild, correct? Chickens have so long been domesticated we forgot what they're truly after. Plus, look at those sharp beaks and scary teeth, that can tear meat off surely.

Levi: You're mixing that up with geese. Chickens don't have teeth.

Hange: Really? When was the last time you looked at a chicken, Levi?

Levi: I-...

Hange:

Levi:

Levi: Okay, but have you ever heard the french idiom "when chickens will grow teeth"? That proves chickens presently don't have teeth!

Hange: Or maybe they do, and everything we've ever said will never come to pass is actually gonna happen because we live in the worst timeline. Think about it, when was the last time you had a moment where you were genuinely calm, at peace and sure everything would turn out well?

Levi: When I had my tea yesterday, it was very early in the morning and all the brats were away.

Hange: ...Or maybe they grew their teeth in secret and they're hiding it from us!

Levi: Chickens aren't even smart enough for that!

Hange: ...Again, do you speak with a lot of chickens?

Levi:

Hange: I'd much rather speak with chickens than most of my trainees, to be honest.

Levi: Ha, true.

Hange:

Levi:

Hange: But do you think if chicken were big enough to eat us-

Levi: Hange, shut up.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: You know, I used to be really against organ transplants.

Porco: And then I had a change of heart

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Ok, I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Pieck: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Porco: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Falco: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Reiner: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up

Eren: You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid

Reiner: So what if I do?

Eren: *blushes*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I love Star Wars

Sasha: Hello there

Reiner: Ahah hey what's up

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Eren: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Ymir: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Levi, on his walkie talkie: This is Captain Levi, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: You ruined my life!

Grisha: How could I have done that?! I wasn't even there!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*After the Paradisians retook Shiganshina*

Zeke, still growing his limbs back: All in all, a 100% successful trip

Reiner: But we lost Bertholt.

Zeke: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Isabel Magnolia left the Survey Corps and is trying to make a living selling goods on the street*

Levi: What are you selling?

Isabel: Hats…what are you doing?

Levi: You are now selling quality piles of ashes!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: I'd like everybody to take a moment and think back to a time when they did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.

Commander Magath: What the HELL did you do?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Annie, I need to talk to you about something important.

Annie: That building was already on fire when I got there.

Armin: What?

Annie: What?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie, to Hange: Of course you shouldn't try to ride a Titan like a bull! Respectfully, Commander, any idiot would know that!

Sasha: I knew that!

Connie: See?!

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: *going off on his own and doing some wild thing*

Hange: What the hell are you doing?

Eren: I'm Eren-ing (ironing) this plan's kinks out!

Hange: What?! No, no, uh-uh! You're not turning yourself into a verb, I won't allow it!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zofia: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Gabi: Oh, I’m always running

Gabi: The question is from what

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: GABI! I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SWITCHED ALL THE CARTRIDGES OF MY COLORED PENS!

Gabi: Welp! Gotta go!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Did they hurt you?

Bertholt : No, no, I'm fine. Did YOU get hurt?

Reiner: Who cares?!

Bertholt : I do!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: I mean, accidents don't just happen... You know... Accidentally...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: thank you, ancestors, for passing down detailed and cautious instructions on how not to get seduced and stolen away by mischievous female spirits, which I have lovingly transformed into How To Find Me a Wife Real Quick manual

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Porco is hard to figure out. Who knows what he's really thinking.

Zeke: Hey, Porco, whachya thinking about?

Porco: Frogs.

Zeke: He's thinking about frogs.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, giggling: Hey Armin, why can't a koala be a bear?

Armin, reading a book: Because they're marsupials

Sasha, also giggling: bECaUse THey'Re mArsUPiaLS

Historia: NO! It's because they don't have the right koalifications!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Zeke: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Pieck: Th-that's not how that works-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Oh yeah? Well at least I know how to read.

Porco: What?

Reiner: You made fun of me for reading comic books. Well, at least I know how to read.

Porco: What are you talking about?

Reiner: We were by the swing sets on the North side of the training camp.

Porco: You mean when we were ten?! That was a whole decade ago!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Mikasa Ackerman, I need you.

Mikasa: For?

Eren: Ever

Mikasa, voice cracking: Oh.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I just need to hear those three words from you.

Zeke: I love you.

Pieck: Try again.

Zeke, grumbling: I will behave.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Man, sure is dark in here

Gabi:

Falco: I'm not scared or anything

Gabi:

Falco: I mean who is scared of the dark these days? Not me no sir

Gabi: Do you want me to hold your hand?

Falco: Yes please.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: I fear no man. But that thing...

*Connie trying to slurp spilled vodka off the carpet while Sasha is desperately trying to hold him back*

Levi: It scares me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: And, I'm gonna have to shut down this whole operation

Gabi: But why?!

Commander Magath: Because, Gabi, I can't have you sell your baby teeth as a "magic titan remedy" behind the government's back!

Gabi: *grumbles*

Falco: But they're not even hers!

Commander Magath: They're not- WHAT?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: I'm giving head to Porco for his birthday, t'was a pain to track down his first grade teacher!

Reiner:

Pieck: ʷʰᵃᵗ

Reiner: Zeke, what do you think "giving head" means?

Zeke: Giving your friends the head of their worst enemy on a silver platter, of course, why, what does it mean?

Pieck: Well, uh...

*Later*

Zeke: Frankly I'm disappointed

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fun fact: this took two notes sheets (around 17500 characters. Longest yet!)

MORE

[mikkimur-sims]

If you want to complete this aspiration, you need to cook well.... and find friends. So, Mayor Whiskers decided to attract grilled cheese fans with music. Unfortunately, not only sims like music, but also insects.

[blueflamebimbo]

Heblo! I have come once more with an suggestion, this time for a misuwunderstanding 🥰 Twisted wonderland Jack takes care of cacti for a hobby, but he's also a wolfie, and I want him to show reader his pups! (Cacti babies) but well... you can guwuess which misunderstandings occur... 👀 sending you thanks and pups ♡

Jack Howl and a confusing adoration for cacti? I gotchu baby! Please have fun reading, this was so much fun to write! @nakunakunomi

“Y/N!” Jack bellowed as he made his way across campus to meet you in front of the cafeteria. Grimm barely batted a whisker as he raced the crowd in order to get the last ham and cheese toast - the latest delicacy available - and forgot all about you. You ended up being the last person standing at the entrance of the building as you watched Jack dash across the cobble stones. 

“Jack? Weren’t you meeting up with Ruggie for lunch?” You smiled at him, silently delighted because of his enthusiasm.

Jack’s ears flattened slightly and a sheepish grin crept onto his features, “Actually, no…,” he explained, “Ruggie actually snuck into the kitchens and already had his fill of lunch before our last class was even done.” 

You snickered, unable to find that surprising. The two of you walked into the cafeteria together, finding a table along the windows. The white haired boy insisted on getting the two of you lunch, and before you knew it you were sharing grilled cheese sandwiches and lemonade. This had become somewhat of a ritual, the two of you spending time together during lunch and during study sessions, and the comfort that naturally came with being around Jack was slowly becoming a sensation that you looked forward to every day, though it was hard to express this to NRC’s most dense jock. 

After classes ended that day, however, Jack waited for you outside of the classroom. You frowned, a little confused as you noticed he looked as if he was mulling something over.

“You okay?”

It took Jack a second, but then he nodded, “Do you have some time before you need to head back to Ramshackle? I want to show you something. Something I’m proud of. Something I… made.” 

The confusion on your face went nowhere - if anything, you were getting a little nervous as well. “Of course, whatever you need, Jack. Where are we going?”

“The greenhouse.”

The two of you made your way over to the greenhouse, the beautiful building feeling a little damp and hot after the sun had beamed onto the glass the entire day. Jack led you towards the back, where you took a seat. Jack stepped up to the wooden table at the far end, near the window, and placed his hands firmly on top of it.

“I never thought I would be able to take care of something so fragile, Y/N,” he murmured, seemingly more serious than you’d ever experienced him being. You let him continue, your heart pounding with the uncertainty of what was happening. “At first I assumed I could never take this type of responsibility. I mean, you know me - I would be so disappointed in myself if I took something like this on and made a fool of myself, or made a fool of them. I couldn’t bear the thought of caring for a living creature and then just… letting them down.”

By now you were really starting to panic. Exactly what - or who - was Jack taking care of? 

Jack turned around and leaned back against the wooden tabletop. “But, you know what? I persevered, and I can proudly say I’m rather good at what I’ve accomplished so far. They-- God, Y/N, they are really thriving.” 

“Jack,” you choked out, your voice quivering with anxiety now, “Who is thriving? What’s going on? Jack, who are you taking care of?” 

Jack smiled, “My pups, of course.”

You spluttered, not knowing how to react to the idea of Jack having children. “P-Pups? Jack, how long has this been going on?”

The boy frowned, not quite understanding why you weren’t joining in on his enthusiasm. “I mean-- I’ve only had them for a couple of months, really. I didn’t want to say much about it in case I fucked it up and had them dying on me, you know?” 

Something inside of you snapped. Dying on him? How was this guy being so nonchalant over the survival of his children? How had you been crushing on someone who had a secret life in this way? “I just-- I have so many questions,” you groaned, “What about their mother?” 

Jack pouted then, his eyes widening, “What do you mean? I’m their mother, of course!” He sighed, turning around and grabbing the pot with his creations. The cactus that came into view had two little cactus pups snuggled up to the main cactus. “I’m honestly a little disappointed in you, Y/N…” he murmured, “I thought you of all people would be excited to meet my pups. You were going on and on about cacti all of last year, I really assumed you’d be proud of me.” 

It took you a whole minute to catch your breath after you burst into a fit of laughter, a grin so wide spreading across your face that it started aching soon after it bloomed. You stood up and beamed at Jack, joining him at the table and taking the pot into your hands. “Jack, look at what you did! You idiot, I thought you were about to confess to me about having children.” 

Jack frowned, “Children? Y/N, I’m sixteen years old. I can barely take care of Ruggie, let alone an actual child!” 

The two of you stood there, amused for what seemed like ages. The sun was setting as you and Jack spent some time prepping new pots for the pups, already promising to dedicate the next weekend’s free time to repotting the new cacti. 

You washed your hands off the dirt, shaking the water droplets off your fingertips before you turned around, suddenly facing Jack who wore his usual adoring smile. 

“Thank you, Y/N. And again, I’m so sorry for confusing you, before.” 

You shook your head, “That’s alright, Jack. You can confuse me anyday.” 

Jack shot you a knowing smile, and suddenly you couldn’t help but look forward to Saturday morning.

[that-sims-four-blog]

Homeslice? Probably.

Excuse the delay, though. Had a nasty hangover on Wednesday. And that's not going into my losing interest in this project...

And now, on tonight's episode of Leeb, Leefuh, Lurve:

They're at Geekcon!

...Okay, it didn't go as well as planned, meta-wise. See that Lars? He's the catalyst for ruining the whole plan. And it all started with me thinking, "My God, he looks like he had been cast in The Matrix."

So, I decided to load up CAS to give him some sunglasses. Turns out that I can't find what he was wearing anywhere. Disappointed, I went back to the game, and... oh.

The GeekCon was over, and Makoto was nowhere to be found. Oops.

But on the bright side, though, I found something equally as odd as that—James Hetfield cosplaying as Luigi.

I couldn't quite snap a screenshot of it, but Kotone did manage to get a selfie of herself and him. That's a shame, I suppose.

Meanwhile, after some insightful talk with a ghost, Fuuka managed to come over her fear of death!

I genuinely don't know how she got it... Looking at the time there, aren't you? Well, well, you just caught me sequencing this as if I was editing a movie. Ha-ha. But, yeah, she got over her fear of death.

Yes, that's her silly beanie. That has nothing to do with dying. I thought it'd be silly. Did they become friends, forever and ever? ...I mean, as heartwarming would it be in prospect, maybe.

Mayor Whiskers???? Holy crap, we need to stop HERE, RIGHT NOW, to look at this Mayor Whiskers. Holy Mary Mother of Christ, it really is him.

Over at the Rose-Xiao-Long-Belladonna household, a couple of strangers—neighbors? unlikely—came to visit them. Ruby took the hold of greeting them and starting a little chat.

That's Hector and Hilary Laurent, having their little chat with Ruby, along with another offscreen party whom I forgot the name of. Lavina La Land, that's her name. So, yeah, they had a pretty great chat. ...No, she didn't rip someone's heart out—stop looking at the Moodlets, you.

She would make a good storyteller if it weren't for anyone not taking her grandiose cow-milking and... flowery prose seriously. I bet that she had been reading too much fairy tales.

By the way, Yang also had a shot at chatting with them once Ruby went into the Great Realm of The Offscreen.

Yang, Hilary's proposed to him. I don't know if they're okay with polyamory, but, come on, you have Blake...

You know, James Hetfield seems like the guy to love grilling, including in real life. I am not elaborating, but he seems like he would.

Another parallel with reality: Lars tries a hand at painting.

The result (right) is not really something Lars would paint—it would be much, much more surreal; one is featured in the Some Kind of Monster documentary and, oh boy, it sure is weird—but, come on... he tried. He did try. Appreciate his effort, damn it.

The royalty report came in:

I swear to fucking God, don't look at his hat.

[mywidelyopeneyes]

Dating Gunther B Gunnerson Hcs

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH STUFF ABOUT THIS MAN HELP, SO I AM HERE TO DELIVER TO ALL THE OTHER FANS 🙏🏻.

Gunther is secretly a huge romantic. He loves romance novels, romantic comedies, and all things lovey-dovey. He might not show it, but he's got a mushball inside him.

Gunther has a pet cat named Mr. Whiskers. He adores his cat and loves to spoil him with toys and treats. He's also prone to talking to Mr. Whiskers as if he's a person, and will often tell him about his problems and struggles.

Gunther is a great cook. He loves trying new recipes and experimenting in the kitchen. He's a master of the art of grilling, and can cook up a mean steak.

Gunther loves watching space-themed movies and documentaries. He's a total nerd for all things space-related, and loves learning about the cosmos. He's also prone to getting excited about the newest discoveries and innovations in the field of astronomy.

Gunther loves animals, especially dogs. He's always happy to pet a furry friend, and will never hesitate to stop and play with a playful pup.

Gunther's a good listener. He's always willing to offer a sympathetic ear and some support to those in need, and will never dismiss someone's feelings or struggles. He's the kind of guy who will always be there for you, whether you need a shoulder to cry on or just want someone to listen.

Gunther loves his ship, the Invincible II. He's proud of it and takes great care of it. He's always happy to talk about its many features and upgrades, and will often spend hours working on repairs or maintenance.

Gunther might be a tough and rugged space cadet, but inside he's still a sentimental sap. He loves his friends and crewmates from the Invincible II, and would do anything for them. He's the type of guy who puts others before himself, and will always lend a helping hand to someone in need.

Gunther is prone to getting into mischief. He might be a bit of a troublemaker at times, but he's always quick to apologize and own up to his mistakes. He's not afraid to make a fool of himself, and will often be the first to laugh at his own jokes.

Gunther's a total goofball.

Despite his tough exterior, Gunther is a huge softie. He's a total sucker for cuddles, hugs, and sweet nothings. He's always quick to offer a gentle touch, a kind word, or a soothing hug when you need it most.

Gunther's always looking for a good adventure. He loves exploring new places, solving puzzles, and facing challenges head-on. He's always up for a good dare, and will never hesitate to take on the impossible.

Gunther's a total nerd. He's a master at video games, and can often be found spending hours in front of the computer, gaming away. He's also a huge sci-fi fan, and can often be found talking about the latest movies and TV shows.

Gunther's a true friend. He's the kind of guy who will always have your back, no matter what. He's loyal, trustworthy, and always there when you need a friend. He's the kind of guy who will always offer a supportive word, a sympathetic ear, or a helping hand, no questions asked.

☆☆☆☆

[whisperthatruns]

Behaving Like a Jew

When I got there the dead opossum looked like an enormous baby sleeping on the road. It took me only a few seconds—just seeing him there—with the hole in his back and the wind blowing through his hair to get back again into my animal sorrow. I am sick of the country, the bloodstained bumpers, the stiff hairs sticking out of the grilles, the slimy highways, the heavy birds refusing to move; I am sick of the spirit of Lindbergh over everything, that joy in death, that philosophical understanding of carnage, that concentration on the species. —I am going to be unappeased at the opossum's death. I am going to behave like a Jew and touch his face, and stare into his eyes, and pull him off the road. I am not going to stand in a wet ditch with the Toyotas and the Chevies passing over me at sixty miles an hour and praise the beauty and balance and lose myself in the immortal lifestream when my hands are still a little shaky from his stiffness and his bulk and my eyes are still weak and misty from his round belly and his curved fingers and his black whiskers and his little dancing feet.

Gerald Stern, This Time: New and Selected Poems (W. W. Norton & Company, 1998)

[puppyexpressions]

5 Ways to Keep Your Pet Safe During A Cookout

Summertime and cookouts often go hand-in-hand. From barbecued ribs to potato salad and sweet treats, many family gatherings revolve around this warm weather tradition. Our pets are family, and most pet owners want to include their pets in family gatherings and activities. Many pets enjoy the added attention from visiting family members, and they likely will drool in anticipation of a delicious piece of steak or burger that may accidentally fall from the grill.

 However, grilling and cookout activities can be dangerous to pets, and lead to burns, skin irritations, choking, and sometimes deadly gastrointestinal (GI) problems. We want to ensure your pets are safe during summertime cookouts, so follow these five cooking safety tips.

#1: Keep your pet away from the grill while cooking

The sizzling aroma of fresh meats and veggies on the grill can be enticing not only to people, but also to pets. However, an active grill holds many pet hazards. Pets should be kept more than three feet from grills, because the dangerous grilling flames and heat can lead to burned paws and singed whiskers on curious noses. Therefore, never leave an active grill unattended. 

Additionally, ensure you prevent pets from accessing the fat and meat trimmings that build up and become trapped below the grill. Pets lack the proper enzymes to digest rich, fatty foods, and ingestion can result in GI distress, inflammation, or potentially deadly pancreatitis.

#2: Never leave grilling accessories in a pet-accessible area

Many tools are required to ensure a successful grilling venture. However, these tools can injure pets. Ensure you keep all grilling tools, such as skewers and cooking tongs, out of paws’ reach to prevent traumatic injuries from sharp edges, or burned tongues in pets trying to sample your recipes. Additionally, store charcoal bags in a pet-safe location to prevent ingestion. Although charcoal is not toxic to pets, ingestion can still lead to GI problems, choking, or blockages that may require surgery in some cases. 

Store all plastic ware and storage containers in a non-pet-accessible location, to prevent a dangerous ingestion. Your pet also may be tempted to lick residual food particles off the foil, and accidentally ingest some of the foil, which can lead to GI blockages. Diagnosing this type of blockage can be challenging because the foil is not visible on an X-ray.

#3: Avoid sharing your plate with your pet

We understand that your pet’s longing eyes and drooling muzzle can be impossible to ignore while you prepare your barbecue feast. However, many popular grilling foods, spices, and side dishes are dangerous to pets, and can lead to GI inflammation, blockages that may require surgery, or potentially deadly toxicities. Never hesitate to call your if you are concerned that your pet has ingested a toxic food, and always keep the ASPCA Animal Poison Control number readily available. 

Common cookout foods dangerous to pets include:

Bones

Raw meats

Hot dogs

Garlic, onions, or other members of the Allium family

Ketchup  

Corn cobs

Salty snacks, including pretzels, chips, peanuts, and popcorn

Desserts, or any chocolate

Alcoholic beverages or desserts with alcohol

Sugar free foods, such as jello

#4: Use caution with bug repellent and sunscreen around pets

The rising temperatures bring an abundance of biting insects, including mosquitoes and fleas, which can carry infectious diseases and parasites dangerous to pets. Bug repellent and citronella candles are as much summer staples as swimsuits and cookouts. However, never use human-intended insecticides on your pet, and ensure your pet is a safe distance away when you apply bug spray to yourself or in the yard. Most commercial repellents contain ingredients that are dangerous to pets.

Veterinary-prescribed flea, tick, and heartworm prevention products are the safest, most effective way to protect your pet from hitchhiking pests. Additionally, excess ultraviolet exposure can lead to sunburn, or skin cancer, in some breeds. Never apply sunscreen directly on your pet without veterinary advice. Many human sunscreens contain ingredients such as zinc oxide, or para-aminobenzoic acid, that are toxic to pets.

#5: Ensure your pet can be identified

You can easily become distracted during the chaos of family or friends arriving to share the fruits of your barbecue labor. Ensure that your pet is microchipped, and wearing a secondary identification such as an embroidered collar or tag. Curious pets may accidentally sneak out the front door during the excitement of arriving guests. A microchip is the safest, most effective, and only permanent means of identifying your pet, should they go on an unplanned adventure. Always ensure your pet’s microchip registration is kept up to date with your current contact information.

[littlechinesedoll]

The Fox Bride - SasuNaru

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Edo Period, Fox!Naruto commoner!sasuke, kakairu adopts naruto, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Protective Umino Iruka, shy!naruto, Inspired by Art, Meet-Cute

Summary: SummaryNaruto knows he’s something… but not entirely human. He’s some kind of fox. He has ears on top of his head, a fluffy fail, whiskers on his cheeks, sharp eyes, fangs, and nails. He lives deep in the snowy forest.

Uchiha Sasuke meets Naruto one cold winter morning. For the first time in his life, Sasuke wants.

inspired by: https://twitter.com/mashromn/status/1613357795021324288 but made it sasunaru

Notes:

my first sasunaru fic, please be nice! 🥺🙏🏼🙇🏽

ages naruto: 18 sasuke: 20

---

Naruto’s parents are hunters. 

They’re not really his parents. They’re humans. They found him crying, hungry, and cold, lying next to his mother, another fox like him, dead in the very forest they live in. They don’t know how she died, but she died protecting him.

Naruto knows he’s something… but not entirely human. He’s some kind of fox. Iruka-papa doesn’t have ears on top of his head, nor does Kakashi-papa have a fluffy tail like his. He has fangs and sharp teeth, and whiskers on his cheeks which thicken when he’s emotional, and his blue eyes that turn red and slitted, and nails that grow into claws when he’s angry or threatened. Very much unlike Iruka-papa and Kakashi-papa.

But Iruka-papa and Kakashi-papa love him all the same, and Naruto loves them with all his heart. He loves their hugs, and Iruka-papa’s kisses to his whiskered cheeks, and Kakashi-papa nosing his hair.

They’re very protective though. Even though Naruto is now at the age of marriage, like Iruka-papa has said, Kakashi-papa disagrees, and doesn’t like Naruto going to town, or anywhere farther than the nearest human to their home deep in the snowy forest. The only person aside from his parents he’s ever interacted with is the healer who tends to them when they’re sick, Tsunade-sama. The others he watches from the house and lets his parents speak with.

And Kakashi-papa has said, he’s too cute to be sent to the market. But Naruto knows, they’ve said it before. Naruto-kun is different. He’s small, despite growing into an adult already, just barely up to Iruka-papa’s shoulder; he’s pretty, with his pink tinged skin, full cheeks, bright yellow hair, long lashes, and shining blue eyes; he’s too innocent, too kind, too trusting, and while some may think that’s adorable, it will get him hurt. Because of what he is, someone will hurt him. 

So, he’s left to tend to their small garden and care for their crops, care for their home and keep it clean and warm, and prepare the food for when his parents come home.

It’s winter, and Naruto has soup ready for when his papas come home from their hunt. It’s made from the boar bones they had caught and butchered some weeks ago, kept fresh by the freezing temperatures. He adds some salt to the broth, then some of the sliced carrots and potatoes they had stored from the fall. He grilled the fish he caught and salted with Iruka-papa the other day, and the rice is already cooked and resting in the ohitsu. (1)

He takes a sip from the ladle and decides that yes, this might be his best soup yet. His papas will love a hot midday meal after a cold, long morning of working and hunting.

“Dare ka?” Hello? Anyone?

Naruto gasps, his ears turning to the direction of the front of the house. Someone’s here. Someone who is not Iruka-papa or Kakashi-papa or Tsunade-sama. How did they know how to get here? And he can’t pretend that nobody’s here either, since there’s a fire going and smoke is billowing out of their house.

“Dare ka koko ni iru no desu ka?” Is anyone here? “Hello?”

Naruto grabs Kakashi’s haori that is long enough to cover his tail, and a tenugui to wrap around his head to hide his ears and pretend that he’s keeping his hair out of the way since he does have a kappougi on. (2)

He kneels at the door, slides it open just a little, and peeks out the engawa. “H-hai?” he sees a black horse tied to a tree and a young man.

“Oh, good,” he says. “Someone’s here. This is the home of Hatake Kakashi-san?”

“H-hai,”

“I have something for him. May I come closer?” he asks, getting the feeling that this person might be a little shy or jittery, since he’s only peeking through the door.

Naruto nods gingerly, ears listening carefully for any suspicious movement.

The man, tall, maybe just as tall as Kakashi-papa, with dark hair and dark clothes, goes back to the horse to unlatch the parcel, then approaches their engawa and sets down the large box. (3)

He sets it down and retrieves a scroll from his bag and a stick of charcoal.

Curiosity gets the best of Naruto, and he slides the door open further. “What is it?” he asks, poking the box.

“It’s a futon,” the man doesn’t look up as he writes something on the paper with the piece of thin charcoal. “I’m supposed to hand it over to Hatake Iruka or Hatake Naruto?”

“Hai, Hatake Naruto desu,”

“Hai, sign here—” the man hands over the paper for the receiver to sign, and stiffens, frozen in this spot just outside of the engawa. Now that he’s gotten a good, close look at him, He’s beautiful. “…please,”

“Hai,” Naruto takes the piece of paper, hunches over the engawa and writes his name down to where there is a mark. He writes his name carefully. はたけナルト.

When Naruto looks up to return the piece of paper and the stick of charcoal, he meets the man’s eyes. He almost gasps. How handsome! He has eyes darker than the charcoal, like a bottomless well. An icy stare that's... honest and genuine. His hair, parted in the middle with bangs framing his elegant face. He looks so different from Iruka-papa and Kakashi-papa, who both have lighter colored hair and eyes. He has even paler skin! Naruto finds himself wanting to grow closer to him.

“Ano…” says the man as he takes the paper, still struck by Naruto’s etherealness. There’s a delicate divinity to him, like Sasuke wants to offer… something. A gift. Flowers. A basket of fruit. Anything. Everything. For the first time in his life, Sasuke wants. “Boku no namae wa Uchiha Sasuke. Hajimemashite, Hatake-san,” My name is Uchiha Sasuke. It’s nice to meet you, Hatake-san. Sasuke doesn’t know why he’s introducing himself. He’s a delivery man. The only thing he should do is drop the parcel off and leave, and that’s what he’s always done. What's so different now?

Naruto flushes, embarrassed about how the handsome man is introducing himself, then remembers his manners and bows. He feels his stomach clench, then finds himself wanting to touch the man. What is this feeling? “H-hajimemashite, Uchiha-san. Naruto dake de ii desu,” he says shyly. “Hatake-san wa boku no papa desu,” Pleasure to meet you, Uchiha-san. Please call me Naruto. Hatake-san is my Papa. “Did he buy this?”

Sasuke shrugs, hoping this conversation will drag out and he’ll have more time to speak with this beautiful creature before him. Naruto-san must have been cooking, since he has a kappougi and a headscarf on, but it’s puzzling that he has a haori over it. “Maybe. I was only tasked to deliver this to his home. I didn’t expect it to be this far,”

“Oh, um, yes. It’s a long journey from here to the town. I hope it wasn’t too much for you and uma-san,” (4)

Sasuke glances at his horse. “He’s sturdy,”

The horse chuffs, shaking its head, clearly displeased with being gossiped about.

“May I touch him?”

“Sure, but be careful. He’s… distrustful of others,”

Naruto brightens, slips his socked feet into his sandals, and in Kakashi’s haori, still in his kappougi and tenugui on his head, he respectfully, quietly approaches the horse to not spook it. He offers his hand first, and when the horse pushes its nose into it, a smile breaks from Naruto’s face.

Naruto has one of the most blinding smiles Sasuke’s ever seen, brilliant enough to part the dark clouds and reveal the sun and the blue sky. It makes his heart skip a beat.

That’s new, Sasuke thinks, watching his horse practically smush his face into the boy. The beast’s never let anyone else touch him before, always threatening to kick.

“What’s his name?” Naruto asks, brushing a palm over the horse’s muzzle and jaw.

“Susanoo,” answers Sasuke, keeping alert just in case Susanoo acts out and hurts Naruto.

“The god of the sea and storms,” says Naruto, pressing his cheek to the horse’s muzzle. What a gentle creature. “How very fitting for a fine, strong horse. Hajimemashite, Susanoo-san,”

Susanoo presses its muzzle against Naruto’s forehead. The gesture seizes Sasuke’s heart. His horse has never shown tameness to anyone other than Sasuke himself. It’s a touching scene; it makes Sasuke’s chest swell with emotions he’s never felt before.

Naruto giggles. “Thank you, for letting me touch him,” he turns back to Sasuke and bows. “You have a lovely horse. He loves you very much,”

“He seems like he likes you, too,” says Sasuke, giving Naruto a small smile.

Naruto’s cheeks heat. “Please wait here,” he rushes back into the house.

Sasuke undoes Susanoo from the tree, then waits like he’s asked, and a little later, Naruto is back out holding a single carrot, which excites Susanoo, and a bowl of something steaming hot.

“Here,” he hands Sasuke the bowl of hot soup. “It’s very cold, so I hope this can warm you up and help strengthen you for your journey back,”

“Oh,” Sasuke’s almost too stunned to take the bowl. “Thank you very much—you didn’t have to,”

“Of course I had to,” Naruto tells him. “It’s freezing and you had to go all the way from town, you poor thing! May I give your horse a carrot?”

“Yes, thank you, that’s very kind of you, Naruto-san,” Sasuke sips the soup. It’s delicious! Warm, filling, and comforting. This is his only trip for today, with how arduous it is to travel in this weather. How lovely to be treated to a meal like this after a challenging route. Sasuke isn’t used to receiving or giving kindness from customers. Usually, they receive their parcel and send him off.

Naruto turns to the horse, “And I’ve got a treat for you, Susanoo-san!”

The horse chuffs in delight, and bites into the sweet carrot when Naruto presses the narrow end to his mouth. It’s gone in seconds.

“Ii ko da ne!” What a good boy! Naruto giggles once again then the horse presses his muzzle to his cheek. He receives the empty bowl back from Sasuke. “Uchiha-san, Susanoo-san, otsukaresamadeshita. Ki wo tsukete desu,” Uchiha-san, Susanoo-san, thank you for your hard work. Please take care. Naruto bows.

He starts to make his way back to the house. He doesn’t want Iruka-papa and Kakashi-papa finding out he was out here with another person for so long. It’s not that he’s not allowed to speak with others, it’s just that if they found out about him, and that he’s different… there is a possibility that they might take him away from his parents and hurt him in ways Naruto can’t even think of.

“A-ano,” Sasuke says before Naruto is too far away from him.

Naruto turns around. “Hai?”

“May I see you again?”

Naruto blushes, the blood rushing to his nose and cheeks, the plush, pink skin and blond bangs striking against the white tenugui and the snow around them. “I… I don’t know…” he can feel his ears flattening on his head as he looks away.

He’s flattered though, that someone wants to see him again. Naruto would be lying to himself if he says he doesn’t want to see Uchiha-san again, too. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone like this, to see and interact with another person, but his parents—Kakashi-papa especially—will never approve.

“My Papa… he doesn’t like visitors…”

“Sou ka,” I see. Sasuke understands why. Naruto is gifted with kindness and beauty. Any parent will do everything to protect such a gifted child. “Naruto-san, thank you for the delicious soup and the carrot for Susanoo. That was very generous of you,” Sasuke mounts the horse. “Sayonara,” Goodbye. He pulls on the reins and Susanoo neighs, then breaks into a gallop.

Naruto watches as Sasuke rides away and sighs, but smiles at the bowl Uchiha-san had emptied. Uchiha-san thought his soup was delicious, and Susanoo-san quite enjoyed the carrot he grew. He tries not to resent his parents, keeping him sequestered away like this, but he knows they’re right. Even Tsunade-sama says the same thing, that the second they see him, there’ll be no question of his dreadful fate.

He takes the parcel into the house and prepares for his parents’ return.

Sasuke then decides, resolute, when he looks back over his shoulder and sees the parcel gone from the engawa, and Naruto-san enter and slide the door to his home closed, that he will come back at a more opportune time and speak with Hatake Kakashi-san and Iruka-san about their child.

He intends to make Naruto-san his bride.

---

(1) An ohitsu is a bamboo basin/container with a lid that keeps rice fluffy and warm.

(2) A tenugui is a piece of cloth that can have many uses, handkerchief, a headscarf, a wrap. A kappougi is a Japanese apron used to protect the kimono from splashes and whatnot when cooking.

(3) An engawa can resemble the porch of a Japanese home.

(4) Uma - horse

Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you liked it!

[toki-woki-fnaf]

Fucking hands you this.

i'm glad that isn't real, its greatly concerning :(

the whiskers could be used to grill a hamburger

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 1: Battle of Bamboo Rice

Narrated by no one.

Narrator: The afternoon sunlight streams in through the windows, giving the empty room some warmth. Everything was calm, perfect for a quiet nap.

Narrator: Bang! Bang bang! Bang bang bang bang!

Narrator: A great crash from the kitchen disturbs the tranquility, as a burning smell quickly permeates the room.

Narrator: A fluffy, charcoal-colored ball rushes out from the kitchen. With soot all over his face, Momo’s fur stands on end and his ears are against his head.

Momo: Wahh! That scared the whiskers off my face! The k-kitchen exploded!

Choose either “How could that be?” or “Are you alright?”

If “how,” ...

You: What happened? Why would the kitchen explode all of a sudden?

Momo: It’s the bamboo rice! That bamboo rice blew up!

If “alright,” ...

You: The kitchen exploded? Are you hurt?

Momo: I’m okay, but the bamboo rice must be burnt...

--

Narrator: Momo hangs his head, and even his whiskers droop in despair.

Momo: I wanted to try out a new bamboo recipe, but it blew up in my face once again.

Choose “Why are you cooking with bamboo?”

You: Why are you cooking with bamboo?

Momo: It’s a long story. I went to audition for “Space Panda,” the superhero movie...

Narrator: With his round physique and brave personality, Momo got the part at the “Space Panda” audition and signed up to play the charismatic Captain So Panda.

Director: It’s fifteen whole days of shooting. Can you do that? We won’t have time for reshoots since we don’t have the budget to keep renting the place and gear...

Momo: No problem! I take my craft with the utmost seriousness and strive to get it in one take? Oh, meals are included, right?

Director: Of course! We’re not the kind of crew to cut corners and save on meals. The bamboo used in our shoot can be eaten, too!

Momo: Good! I will show up to the set on time!

Director: Those determined eyes, that confident smile... You’re the So Panda we’re looking for! On behalf of Miraland’s film industry, thank you for working with us!

Momo: ...It was only after I got home that I realized pandas eat bamboo day in, day out. How am I supposed to act like bamboo is the best thing in the world?

Momo: To not be a burden on the crew, Nikki and I had to do research on bamboo-related recipes. If we can make bamboo tasty, then acting will be easy!

Momo: I was trying to make bamboo rice while Niki was buying seasoning. Not only did it not work, it even blew up... What do I do now?

Choose “The explosion stopped. Let’s check it out.”

You: The explosion stopped. Let’s head into the kitchen and check it out.

Momo: It made such a ruckus. The rice must be everywhere...

Choose “It might not be as bad as you think.”

You: Maybe it’s better than you think.

Momo: You’re right. Even if the mission is a failure, we can always learn from it and improve!

Momo: Our next objective is Kitchen Planet, where we will do recon on the enemy bamboo rice’s movements! [Your Name], follow me. We’ll check it out!

Choose “Aye aye, captain!”

You: Aye aye, captain!

Narrator: Momo musters the courage and strides into the kitchen with his head held high. He’s surprised to find the situation much better than he imagined.

Narrator: The rice and meat are falling out on both sides of the bamboo tube. But most of it still seems edible.

Narrator: Momo takes a bite, and his eyes widen in astonishment.

Narrator: The BBQ has been grilled to perfection. The soft rice and rich aroma blends seamlessly with the freshness of the bamboo. Even the bamboo itself is crunchy.

Momo: Yum! With bamboo this tasty, I can eat ten of them in one go!

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

[manwalksintobar]

Behaving Like A Jew // Gerald Stern

When I got there the dead opossum looked like

an enormous baby sleeping on the road.

It took me only a few seconds — just

seeing him there — with the hole in his back

and the wind blowing through his hair

to get back again into my animal sorrow.

I am sick of the country, the bloodstained

bumpers, the stiff hairs sticking out of the grilles,

the slimy highways, the heavy birds

refusing to move;

I am sick of the spirit of Lindbergh over everything,

that joy in death, that philosophical

understanding of carnage, that

concentration on the species.

— I am going to be unappeased at the opossum's death.

I am going to behave like a Jew

and touch his face, and stare into his eyes,

and pull him off the road.

I am not going to stand in a wet ditch

with the Toyotas and the Chevies passing over me

at sixty miles an hour

and praise the beauty and the balance

and lose myself in the immortal lifestream

when my hands are still a little shaky

from his stiffness and his bulk

and my eyes are still weak and misty

from his round belly and his curved fingers

and his black whiskers and his little dancing feet.

[mikkimur-sims]

Now the super team is here. Very soon Mayor Whiskers will be able to eat cheese in space. It's every grilled cheese fan's dream.