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sugako · 3 years

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after dinner special

bokuto x f!reader x hinata sum: after seeing the way his teammate looks at you, bokuto comes up with a plan to help all parties cw: 18+ only minors dni i am begging you, established relationship (bokuto x reader), slight manipulation (?? reader/bo make a secret plan to seduce hinata and he wants to so not really but idk what else to tag it as), oral (f!receiving), double pussyjob, nipple play, orgasm denial, D/s, spit roast, unprotected, hinabo if you squint extra hard wc: 4.2k a/n: finally back from the dead with this wayyy overdue fic ive been thinking about/writing for months, no edits or beta bc i'm too impatient and haven't posted in so long

Above all else, Bokuto was incredibly perceptive to other’s emotions. Among other aspects, that quality had really drawn you to him even if it wasn’t as extraordinarily overt as his confidence and enthusiasm. His perceptiveness didn’t end with you, of course, he was well-connected with his teammates, which meant when he saw the way Hinata’s eyes just barely glazed over when he met you he knew there was something more happening in his head. He watched the burning grow in Hinata after he had witnessed the two of you had, quite obviously, snuck off to another room during a get-together at Meian’s, spit still drying at the corner of your dry, puffy lips a week prior.

Even he wasn’t sure what exactly his plan was as he started up in the locker room a couple weeks later, oversharing every little detail he could recall about your body, namely when it was under him. Ignoring Atsumu and Kiyoomi’s groans for him to stop while Shugo and Oliver snickered to themselves reminiscing about their own escapades from a handful of years ago, he focused on Hinata’s reaction.

Shōyō remained uncharacteristically quiet as he rambled on about how cute your soft tits were, only speaking to quietly excuse himself to the bathroom. He was careful, but not careful enough to hide the tent in his shorts.

Not one to keep a secret, the words came tumbling from his mouth when he burst into your shared apartment.

“I think Hinata likes you!” He managed, tearing off his shoes to stumble into the hallway to wrap you in a tight hug like he did nearly every day.

“I-...what?” You choke, wrapping a tentative arm back around him and peeling away to look at him in the eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Not like… I don’t know, I think he wants to fuck you.” The smile on his face doesn’t waver, only confusing you.

“I’m not sure how to take this.” You deadpan, brows just short of knitting together. “Why…?”

“Well if you would like that I certainly wouldn’t mind.” His teeth graze over your skin as he pecks messy kisses all over your cheeks and neck.

“You wouldn’t mind?” You blankly repeat back, holding his back by his muscled shoulders to make him look you in the eyes. “Because not minding something and wanting something are very different and I just want to make sure whatever we’re about to talk about we’re just being really clear.”

Bokuto inhaled a massive breath, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he collected exactly what he wanted to say to you. Before he could, the smell coming from the kitchen distracted his senses, leaving him to weakly exhale and blink his eyes open. “Talk over dinner?”

The long talk over the dinner table was eventually fruitful. After he collected himself and stuffed his rumbling stomach, Bokuto was better able to explain what he had seen in Hinata. It made you recall every time you had seen him and you would be lying if you said you didn’t see it too. He wasn’t exactly a subtle person.

When it came down to it, you certainly weren’t opposed. Bokuto certainly seemed interested in the prospect of sharing you, especially with his favorite prodigy as he liked to class him. You recognized that Hinata was attractive and you had to admit that the concept of being squished between the two thick, bubbly men was alluring as long as he was truly interested.

Before the full invitation to come over for dinner - specially prepared by you - had even slipped from Bokuto’s mouth, Hinata was eagerly accepting. Part of you dreaded the entire ordeal, anxieties bubbling up about the lead up and the talking beforehand that you had foolishly agreed to do most of. Over dinner you stayed a little quieter than usual, trying to gauge Hinata’s expression and body language.

When he politely excuses himself to use the restroom after finishing, Bokuto grabs your hand across the table, rubbing a thumb over your knuckles.

“If you’re nervous we can stop right here.” He whispers, grinning softly.

You can’t help but smile back, shaking your head. “No, I’m okay,” you assure him, “I am a little nervous, but I really want to.”

He opens his mouth to say something else, but is cut off by the sound of the bathroom door closing and the soft pad of Hinata’s feet down the hallway. Clearing your throat, you give a reassuring smile to Bokuto, and stand to face where Hinata soon pops out of.

“Hinata, would you-”

“Shōyō is fine!” He interjects. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“That’s fine,” you smile, ghosting your hand down his arm and resting your palm against his elbow. “Shōyō, would you mind helping me wash up in the kitchen. I feel bad asking the guest, but Kōtarō has something for you and you’ll get to it faster if I finish this.”

Hinata can feel his heart pounding behind his rib cage so hard he worries you can hear his pulse reverberating. You look so sweet with those pleading eyes staring at him, the warm touch of your fingertips sending heat to his chest.

“Of course, I don’t mind.” He nods, letting you lead him a room away to the kitchen.

“Great, thank you, this is such a big help.” You grin while placing the dirty dishes in the sink before you and handing him a dry towel. “You can just dry and put them in the cabinet in front of you.”

“Okay,” he says quietly, eyeing down your low-cut shirt as you squeeze your arms together and lean down to grab the first bowl. His eyes roll to the back of his head when you turn the tap on a little too fast and water splashes all over the front of your thin, pale dress, making the black lacy bra underneath pop.

“Whoops!” You exclaim, smiling a little too happily, feeling how his feet shift beside you. “This tap is a little loose, I always get messy and wet trying to do anything.”

He has to bite down hard on the inside of his cheek to keep from groaning, glad that your gaze is in the sink and not on his flushed face. He doesn’t want to feel this way about his friend’s girlfriend, but it’s so hard when you’re standing so close - did you take a step toward him? when did your hip start brushing against his? - and you look so pretty.

“So, Shōyō…” you start, handing him another dish, “Kōtarō talks about you a lot, you know.”

“Really?” His voice is pitched and strained, stopping short of choking on his own words.

“Yeah, he thinks you’re great. He was so excited when you joined the team. He, uh, he pays attention, a lot more than some people give him credit for.”

Hinata nods, carefully placing the bowl in the cupboard. “He’s great, I’ve always loved watching him play.”

“He’s fun to watch,” you agree, “You know he thinks….actually, can I just ask what your type is?” The words tumble out quickly as you try to gain confidence, a small bit of worry creeping into the back of your head.

“My type?” He repeats back, pausing in his drying motions. “I don’t know if I really have one. Just anyone I feel good with. Why?” When he turns to look at you again you’re turned to face him, a small smile lighting up your features.

“That’s a good way to look at things. I only ask because, well Kōtarō seems to think you have some kind of interest in me.” You force the words to come out casually, keeping your eyes on him. Hinata sputters and chokes on his own words, the way your hand comes down over his doing absolutely nothing to help him compose himself. “There’s no good way to say this, but he was thinking you could, uh well take what you’ve been thinking about, if you want to.”

Taking a deep swallow, he took a short deep breath to clear his mind. “And what do you think?”

Tension dissipates from your body at his question. “I think I would like you to do whatever you want. Touch me, kiss me, anything. Only if you want to.”

His fists clench and unclench again, gears turning in his head as he realizes this was planned. All those stories Bokuto told, the glint in his eyes for the past few weeks, the way you put yourself on display for him all night with that sly little smirk - it was all part of some plan. A little worried voice in the back of his head told him this was too good to be true. But you were offering yourself up to him, angled forward so your tits would pop and watching him so carefully as though he were a scared animal ready to run, and he knew it had to be true.

The timid, apprehensive look he had been sporting slowly drained from his face, replaced with a much more confident and delighted one. His hands moved from his sides to dig into your waist, lifting you up onto the counter behind you.

“Don’t tease me.” He whispers hoarsely, lips ghosting over the pulse of your throat. The loose dress Bokuto had purposefully picked out for you to wear for the evening rode up as Hinata settled his thick body between your welcoming knees.

“I’m not,” you pant, “Kōtarō really wanted this.”

A shuddered sigh comes from his chest as he rests his head against your shoulder, just barely kissing the soft spot between your neck and shoulder. You fidget restlessly, trying to pull his still body closer to no avail.

“Wanna know he wants this.” He says eventually. “I trust you, I just…”

“No, no, I get it.” You say a little too abruptly, fishing around for where your phone was tossed onto the counter. With shaky hands you hurried to click it open, immediately going to your messages, scrolling to the most recent chat with Bokuto where he depicted how much he wanted to see you fucked out on his and Hinata’s cocks in vivid detail. You push the phone into his hand. “You can scroll wherever, he mentioned it before that one’s just… yeah.”

“Oh, wow.” He breathes, glancing through a few other messages from earlier in the week. Gently, he sets the phone down beside you before pulling your hips to the edge of the counter. His lips collide with the base of your throat knocking the air right from you.

You wind your fingers up in his hair as he pressed harsh kisses straight down your front, his rough hands pushing the skirt of your dress up even higher, leaving the tops of your thighs completely exposed. He keeps journeying lower until his cheek is flush to the hem of your panties. When his nose presses up against the slowly growing damp patch leaking his shoulders heave as though to hold himself back.

“And he doesn’t want us to wait up…?”

Truthfully, you didn’t know completely. Bokuto had asked to make some kind of subtle move on Hinata in private, he figured it would be less stressful for the both of you, but he hadn’t said how far to go with him, and you weren’t really sure what he was doing in some other part of the house, and Hinata’s fingers were so hot against your skin…

“No, it’s fine.” You pant, desperation evident in your voice. He doesn’t need much more, hand moving to pull the stretchy fabric you had purposefully worn to the side, his wide tongue darting out to lap up the wetness seeping from you.

With an aching whine, you lean into his touch, massaging his head and bringing him closer to you with every burning second that passes. Not that you had expected him to be inexperienced by any means, but you hadn’t expected him to be so good. He was loud, moaning against your cunt as he buried his tongue inside of you, nose tapping against your pleading clit.

The sound of your breathy whimpers and the loud slurping squelches drowned out the steps coming down the hall or the kitchen door swinging open. Bokuto stood there for a moment with a small smile, admiring how pretty you looked like this, even if he wished it were him, but he couldn’t let the moment pass him by.

“Puppy,” he sighed. The first syllable was enough to make Hinata pop off of you and stumble back to turn around, eyes hazy and drunken of the taste of you. Ignoring the hardened look in Bokuto’s eyes, you pouted sweetly, spreading your legs a little more to let him see your soiled panties.

“Kōtar-”

“You’re being greedy, don’t you think, puppy? Going ahead without me like that.” He imitates you with a fake pout, the look never quite meeting his blazing eyes. You can feel what’s coming and make no more attempt to argue. Hinata is taking in the interaction, still halfway in his own daze. “She’s great, huh, Shōyō? Pretty little pussy and she makes the best noises, especially when she’s crying for your cock.”

Hinata swallows hard, absentmindedly palming over his pants where he’s quickly grown half-hard. “Yeah, she’s, yeah no, uh she’s really great. This is still okay?”

Both of you nod quickly, reassuring him, but you remain silent for now, trying to settle before you know what’s to come.

“Totally okay as long as you’re okay.” Bokuto drops the edge in his tone to carefully watch him for a moment, assessing.

“Completely.” He agrees with a dreamy sigh.

Nodding again, Bokuto approaches the two of you. Refusing to meet his eyes you stare just ahead at the door.

“Oh, don’t look so sad, puppy, you know you’ll get what you want in the end anyway.” He jabs as he scoops you over his shoulder and gives you a gentle pat on the back of your thighs. “Let’s at least go to the living room.”

You glance back at Hinata, mouthing a silent whoops, while Bokuto leads him around the corner. Bokuto plops into the corner of the couch, back propped up by the plush arm, and maneuvering your pliable body to sit comfortably in his lap with your back pulled up flush to his chest. You’re gently pushed forward so he can peel the dress off and unclasp your bra. He’s calm for now, at least on the outside, but you can feel his heart pounding through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“Don’t need these anymore,” he hums, latching his fingers in the sides of your underwear and motioning for you to lift your hips to let him slide them off. Hooking his elbows under your knees, he pulls your thighs to your chest, high enough so that he can palm your breasts. Quietly whining, you turn your head away so you don’t have to look directly up at Hinata - not that he’d notice your face with the way your cunt was glistening under the low, soft lights of the room. “Shh,” he directs at you before glancing back up at Hinata, “go ahead, but don’t let her cum.”

With a warm grin he gets on his knees between Bokuto’s spread legs. You almost felt too exposed, all power taken from your hands, splayed open like this. Bokuto slots his chin against your shoulder and presses the softest kiss to your cheek in stark contrast to the way his rough hands are kneading and pinching your sensitive breasts.

Hinata eagerly gets back to it, lavishing your cunt with softer licks than before, making your hips shake as they seek out more friction. While your neediness grows so too does Bokuto’s grip on you.

“So pretty,” he coos, eyes glued to where Hinata was firmly pressed against you. Pride bloomed in his chest at the sight of his teammate sloppily eating out his favorite girl so enthusiastically, appreciating you so much as he should.

It’s impossible for him to not get rock hard with the way you’re grinding down into his lap and the crude, wet sounds and groans vibrating from the back of Hinata’s throat.

“Taste so good.” Hinata grumbles, pulling back and forcing his tense hips to stop rutting into the couch cushion. He feels himself making a mess in his pants, hoping that he isn’t leaking through to your nice furniture, but he can’t quite bring himself to stop either. Both Bokuto and you watch the string - you’re not sure whether it’s his spit or your own wetness - that stays connected between your slit and his puffy, glossy lips.

“Good...good job.” Bokuto sighs. You’re not sure if he’s praising you or Hinata, but you don’t have much time to think too hard about it before he releases your legs and wedges his hands under between himself and you to pull his straining cock from his pants. Mind buzzing, still a little hazy from the feeling of Hinata’s tongue, you grab out from him, pulling on the band of his pants. Truthfully, he’s not quite sure what you’re asking for but he does know how tight his balls are and how inviting your cunt looks.

Just as Bokuto is settling his cock between your ass, Hinata’s pants are slipped off, thrown to the ground. He dips his head down to take one of your breasts into his mouth, moaning around you and pressing in close so his tip catches against your clit. At your whiny cry and keening, Bokuto lets out a low, single chuckle. “Don’t let her have your cock, not all the way. You were being so greedy earlier puppy, I don’t think you deserve it yet.”

Hinata keeps his mouth firmly planted on your chest and reaches down to perfectly slip himself between the top of your folds, acutely aware of Bokuto’s heavy head just barely bumping against the base of his own cock. They’re both so thick and heavy as they rabidly hump against you, Bokuto maneuvering your body for you back and forth across both of them. Everything is warm and wet between Hinata’s mouth on your chest and Bokuto’s lips kissing down the side of your neck.

The tease of release that’s been creeping up on you for so long draws closer and closer. Hinata’s cock is catching so exactly on your swollen clit and Bokuto’s tip keeps threatening to slip past your entrance, slick dripping past your thighs.

“Gonna, ahg, cu-cum!” You manage out, hips already bouncing on their own accord against them.

“Go ahead.” Bokuto says with a shaky breath, squeezing you as tight as he could between his body and Hinata’s. One more roll of their hips has you crashing down, pleasure rolling through your body. All you can feel is warmth and overwhelming satisfaction as you twitch between their arms, creaming across their cocks. “Good girl, good girl…” you faintly hear Bokuto coo into your ear as you slump back against him.

The buzzing, quiet moment is quickly squashed as he hoists you out of his lap and onto all fours. He’s talking to Hinata and you know you should be listening, but your pussy is still throbbing and you’re trying to catch your breath.

“...okay, baby?” You catch the very end of his sentence and blink hard, desperate to refocus.

“W-wait, what? Sorry, I just-”

“It’s okay, puppy,” he rubs a soothing hand down your back, slowly bringing you back to reality. “Need a second?”

You shake your head, the last of the fog slipping away. Before you, you see Hinata, his rigid cock slicked up by you only a few inches from your face. “I’m okay now, can you just say that again?”

“‘Course,” he grins, teasing your entrance, “I said I’m going to take your pretty pussy from back here and Shōyō is going to use your mouth. If you want.”

Wiggling your hips back to meet his and craning your neck up to look at Hinata you give a deft nod.

“I do, I want that.” You sigh.

Trembling with excitement, already so riled up from feeling you cum against him, Hinata shuffles the last bit forward. He’s pretty and much thicker than you had imagined. The tight strain of scattered veins and his heavy balls tell you all you need to know about how pent up he obviously is. Reaching out with palms still a bit shaky, you helped to reel him in the rest of the way with welcoming, parted lips.

You wrapped your fingers tightly around where you couldn’t quite reach, sloppily taking more and more of him with each bob of your head. His salty precum meshed with what was leftover of your own mess, the taste making you moan around his length.

Bokuto was trying to move slower now, recognizing that you were easily slipping, but the way you rocked your body back and forth bumping against his sensitive, reddened tip, he couldn’t hold back much more. Digging his fingers into your hip, he eased the motions of your body, lining himself up, resisting from plowing into you at full force.

“Ready?” He asks, nearly whining. At the sound of his voice, you pull off from Hinata, letting your quickly tiring jaw grow slack.

“Uh-huh.” You barely heave out before wrapping your lips around him again. So sure you can take both at once and not falter, you ramp back up to your original pace, slobbering down his cock, the click of your quick motions echoing around your head. Unfortunately for your ego, you’re dead wrong.

Bokuto wastes no time drilling himself into you, setting a bruising pace straight from the beginning. It’s all you can do to loudly moan around Hinata’s cock, still stuffed in your mouth by the slight pistoning of his hips, the way Bokuto is ramming you forward only forcing him deeper down your throat.

As you gag, sputter, and moan down his length, drool dripping onto the already soiled cushions below, Hinata feels the pressure building and building in his core. Electricity tingles down his limbs, aided by the fucked out look in your pretty eyes. He doesn’t even have to move now with the way Bokuto is railing you against him. He wonders if you realize he’s close when you suck a little tight, cheeks hollowing as you take a little more of him, the hand that had been working his base coming down to lightly hold his swollen balls.

You don’t know. At this point, you’re moving on autopilot, simply trying your best. Your brain doesn’t know where to focus - Hinata filling out your mouth or Bokuto as he purposely alternates between hitting against your spongy spot and deep inside of you. It’s all a mess of spit, sweat, and cum, but you don’t think you’ve felt the rush of pleasure that comes with being used so well by more than one person.

Bokuto doesn’t know how much longer he can last. You’re clamping around, cunt fluttering each time his digs in a little deep or Hinata’s cock twitches against your tongue. He can tell by the scrunched up expression on his friend’s face that he can’t last much longer and he doesn’t blame him. Between fucking against your pussy and being wrapped up in your pretty mouth, no one really could. He’s determined to hold out though, a little spark of competition lighting up his chest. When Bokuto’s strokes suddenly slow you groan again, the vibrations dragging a stuttered moan from Hinata’s pretty lips.

“Gonna, hngh, uh gonna cum.” He sputters out, hips quivering as he tries to hold back from fucking too far back into your throat. At that, Bokuto’s hips speed up again, forcing a little whimpered cry, muffled by the cock in your mouth, from you. Still, you force yourself to focus on Hinata, sucking him dry as soon as the first spurt of cum hits the back of your throat.

He cums fast and hard and a lot. It’s seeping out from your lips, making him messier than he already was until he’s pulling his softening length from your mouth and flopping back against the couch, gently rubbing your arm while he catches his breath. With a heavy grin, Bokuto shoves a hand between your shoulder blades, knocking you into Hinata’s lap. Somewhat in vain, you try to clean him off between the pitchy mewls and cries that you breathe out while Bokuto chases his own release.

In no time, he’s there again, his own pressure built up as high as it could just before he burst inside of you. He fucks himself raw, your tight hole sucking him in, his cum only making it easier to slip in and out of you. Knowing he’ll finish when he’s completely spent, you lie limp in Hinata’s lap and he lazily wraps a hand around the back of your neck, soothing the leftover tension. You recognize Bokuto’s nearly done when his cock stops twitching and his hips slot against yours with some finality just before he slumps over you.

Whining when he slips out, even soft his cock is still a tight squeeze, you fall all the way against the couch, legs giving out at last. He falls back against the back, moving your legs to sit on top of his thighs and massaging them with great care. Completely spent and drifting half-asleep you just barely hear him.

“So,” he starts, head lolling toward Hinata who’s still lightly working his fingers against your upper back, “Dinner next week?”

#bokuto x reader #hinata x reader #bokuto smut #hinata smut #bokuto x you #hinata x you #hq smut #haikyu x reader #haikyuu smut #hinata shoyo smut #bokuto kotaro smut #hq x reader

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where-poets-go-to-die · 3 years

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Polyamorous BokuAkaa Headcanons bc this is self indulgent!! Mostly!!

CW: marriage & children (both hypotheticals and kids are only very briefly touched on)

Bokuto and Akaashi invited you into their relationship

First Bokuto off-handly told Akaashi that he thought you were cool and attractive

It took Akaashi about a month before he was like: "Okay. I agree. But why did you bring that up?"

"What if we tried a polyamorous relationship with them! :D"

"Well, we'd have to discuss it with them and ease them into it. And that's only if they want to do it."

So imagine your surprise when Bokuto loudly declares that he and Akaashi want to pursue a relationship with you

Like,, homie has no chill and sees no point in beating around the bush

Now let's get into romantical highschool hcs:

If you're a manager, please give them lil good luck hugs and/or kisses before practice matches or games if you aren't on the court

If you aren't, Bokuto is going to try to get you to come to any game they play and Akaashi, despite being a little stoic, will probably blush a lil bit and agree with Bokuto

Study!Dates!

Jus trying to help Bokuto with his calculus homework and anything else

Bokuto def gets really slouchy and whiney during really long study sessions so he's usually leaning on either you or Akaashi as he asks if you can take a break soon

Eventually you both cave and end up sitting on someone's bed, talking about upcoming events and watching videos

THEY ARE YOUR NUMBER ONE SUPPORTERS

You do theatre? They're always at opening night. Doesn't matter if you're acting, a stage hand, or a stage manager.

You do speech and debate? Akaashi will help you prep while Bokuto, despite being a tiny bit confused, will cheer you on.

You also play volleyball? Trust me, no matter your position, they're always constantly helping you improve and are at every game they can attend.

You do a different sport like softball, baseball, swimming, etc.? They're at any match they can go too. Literally Akaashi has to ask Bokuto to quiet down bc he's cheering really loud and getting stares from those passive aggressive family members.

Even if you don't do an extra curricular activity, but just have something you're really passionate about, they love to hear about you ramble on about it and love it when you show them what you've made.

Speaking of love... the first "I love you"

Surprise! Akaashi actually said it first

You were spending the night over at Bokuto's house and he was fast asleep, but you and Akaashi were quietly talking about whatever came to mind

Then he just takes your hand in his and says:

"You know, I'm really happy that you decided to be our partner. I love you, y/n."

You just smiled and said: "I'm glad I did too. And I also love you."

Then with Bokuto... it was a little different

You and him were having a one on one date, riding around on his bike through the park

He just smiled at you and shouted:

"I LOVE YOU A LOT!!"

So, to match his vibe, you yelled it right back to him

Despite being only meer centimeters apart

Post!Timeskip Time :)

Being sandwiched between them during the night is elite- top tier!

But you also switch it up

Sometimes Bokuto is in the middle and that usually happens when he comes home from away games

Sometimes Akaashi is in the middle and that usually happens when he had a stressful day at work

So,, the hypothetical marriage situation:

If you don't wanna get married, they're totally fine with it. Marriage is overrated anyhow 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT

If you do wanna get married,, they're 100% for it!! Then it kinda falls under three hypothetical scenarios:

1: You just get your marriage license and have a small party. No ceremony. But just some nice extra time with your boys.

2: Small wedding. Just family and really close friends as you get married in your backyard.

3: A big ceremony! Yeah, we're talking about a big wedding. (It's three people getting married to each other,, it's gonna be a large turn out.)

Then the whole last name debacle. This goes on for a few days, let's be honest here.

If you wanna keep your last name, they're coming up with different ideas like: taking your last name, hyphenating it with either Bokuto or Akaashi, etc. etc.

If you don't want to keep your last name, then there's: taking either last name, hyphenating their's, etc.

There's also the discussion of everyone keeping their own last name,, can't forget that.

It's a confusing process.

Then there's also the talk of children

If you don't want kids, fine! Kids aren't a necessity to relationships ((deadass,, why do people think that everyone needs kids???))

And if you do, then whoop!! Kids

I don't wanna dive into kids,, but like you can imagine whatever y'all do

A n y h o w

I feel like Bokuto and Akaashi would adopt dogs and cats from shelters

Bokuto would definitely own a mug that says something about loving his pets

Two cats and a dog

That's your animal family

Im done with the animal thing, hang on

Cats wise: One is a grey and white tabby and maine coon mix, you and Akaashi like to call her Koutaro Jr. and the other is a Calico who Bokuto affectionately calls Baby

Dog wise: a pit bull who is nothing more than an oversized lap dog. His name? Spike.

One time, Bokuto invited over Atsumu, Hinata, and Sakusa over for a group dinner for fun, ya know?

They show up right? Y'all are chillin; Baby is perched behind Hinata and Koutaro Jr. is vibin' in Bokuto's lap (Atsumu is cackling at how you named her, and how "yes, Bo! She does look like a bit like you!")

Then in trots Spike

He trots over and nuzzles his way between Sakusa's legs and rests his head on his thigh

"This is Spike, right?" -Sakusa

"Mmhm.. are you-" -Akaashi

"Such a sweet little thing." -Sakusa

He *almost* doesn't mind the pet hair clinging to his pants

Anyway

It's a mostly happy and healthy relationship (bc lets be honest, fights can and have happened, but you got through it)

Tagging: @yamaguchi-stan

#haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#haikyuu!!#bokuto headcanons #bokuto x reader #akaashi headcanons #akaashi x reader #bokuakaa x reader #poly!bokuakaa hcs #tw: marriage #tw: children #cw marriage #cw children

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ao3feed-dadzawa · 3 years

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To Rage Against the World

To Rage Against The World (When All You Want Is Peace) by Otaku6337

Shouta is angry.

He knows the world they all live in. He has been exposed to the worst of it, time and again, as both a teacher and, even more so, as and underground hero.

And yet to know that his kids, his Hellspawn, are still not whole and happy and together in the way that they have all fought so hard for... He is utterly furious.

(Yet again, I have Feelings about the latest manga chapter (340, this time) and, along with a tumblr ramble, also decided to write a short fic. Whoops?)

Words: 867, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 165 of Ota's One-Shot Wonders, Part 166 of Ota's BNHA Fic Stuff

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Class 1-A, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Aoyama Yuuga

Additional Tags: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Loves His Students, Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Manga Spoilers, for chapter 340, did you see that? it said Manga Spoilers, just wanted to check :D, Aizawa is Best Dad, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead is a Good Teacher, Hurt Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Hurt Class 1-A, Aoyama Yuuga Needs a Hug, because hurt aoyama isn't a tag, Everyone is suffering, Bittersweet, Hopeful Ending, Supportive Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, everyone is trying their best, Light Angst, some:, Hurt/Comfort, if you've read the chapter then you know the vibe

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36456907

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Dadzawa #♢#Aizawa Shouta #Yuuga Aoyama #R:T #A:Otaku #Hurt Comfort #Angst

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albatris · 3 years

Note

uh...........

....................

................................

so. i may have run out of ATDAO tag

not may. no. i did. i read the entire atdao tag. it was 38 pages. this is. hmmmm im. emotions

the main emotion is "how do i spawn More of this without Bugging Logan"

anyway have a nice day/night/australia, just thought you should know??? i guess???

oh and also. if ATDAO is ever published. I am buying it instantly. amazon will break with the speed of which i click "add to cart"

NICO??!? THAT IS A LOT OF PAGES??!

I'm very impressed and also completely delighted :D!!!!! congrats on getting through, uh.... all of the atdao content this blog possesses!! except for the stuff I probably forgot to tag because I do that sometimes whoops

but ye!! I'm really glad you enjoyed!!

also tbf you can absolutely always bug me about atdao things!! I love being bugged about atdao things to be honest!!! as long as you don't mind me rambling on for a while in response (or the fact that it sometimes takes me approximately forty years to answer asks that require me to use my Proper Thinking Brain) :P

ty for all your enthusiasm and support!!! hopefully I'll get this book finished so you can give it a read sometime!! :D

please have an excellent canadatime!!

#fhdjdkdhf #fhdsdkfkfkslslskfdkfjfhd #hi I'm logan and idk how to respond sometimes when i receive nice messages

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unsettledink · 3 years

Text

From the Ask Game Post celebrating finishing Act 1 of Gotcha:

H: How would you describe your style?

Long post summed up:

I have a descriptive writing style that leans toward the rambling and poetic, but doesn't always concern itself overmuch with grammatical rules, which can be very grating. I like to use repetition, whether it's in sentence structure or themes or visuals, and I find it more interesting to explore the sensory details of a scene than the action.

Everything I write is informed first by the emotional line; the rest follows from there, and I want the POV as intimate as possible to better present those emotions. I'm not fond of making things clear and obvious when I can come at them sideways, from basic description all the way to endings.

I tend to overcompensate in areas I don't feel comfortable, and luckily that seems to benefit me more than hurt.

Long post NOT summed up lol:

Breaking things down and starting with the more grammar related things:

I use a lot of long, often rambling sentences that contain way too many commas – most of the time they are technically acceptable, but... I'm really pushing it. There are some sentences floating around that are well over 100 words long whoops. That's definitely a thing that many people dislike or find difficult to engage with, jut sort of starting to skim over the words.

I personally tend to think it has some link to my ADHD, the tendancy within that to way over explain and go on and on in an attempt to make sure every single bit of ground is covered so there's less of a chance to be misunderstood, which in fact actually leads to the opposite as it's too many words and thoughts for others to follow at one time.

I.e., the above. :D

And to go along with that, my unholy love of semi-colons, though I came late to them. What's that, I don't have to start a new sentence, I can simple structure it slightly different and stick a semi-colon in there instead? YOU DON'T SAY! Now my excessively long sentences can remain grammatically correct up to 200 words!

I don't think is actually a good goal. But in seriousness, I think semi-colons are wildly underused and not nearly as hard to figure out as people act like they are; they're really just a beefed up a comma that can fix comma splices and fragments all on their own. :p

I also love my rule of threes, but I feel like once I point that out it's ten times more obvious. D: Why list something twice when you could do it one more time and then it's a PATTERN and it MEANS something more! Why use one word to describe something when you could have the build of THREE????? Look I have a problem. And yes I actively stopped myself from tossing in another 'Why when you could' in there and yes it hurt a little not to and yes I slipped up and did it in this sentence instead whoops.

There's some small things that probably have more influence on my style than I realize – like, I try pretty hard to avoid starting subsequent paragraphs with the same word, which can get tricky when all the characters are he's or there's a lot of dialogue, so that forces me to vary up my sentence structure and length and such even more. I'm also not a fan of using dialogue tags other than said that often – it's an instant back button for me if every single tag is something else my god why – so trying to keep myself from sliding into that or even 'said adverbly' pushes me to find other ways to show those same emotions and atmosphere.

I also – despite making it most of the way through a creative writing major – don't like... understand grammatical concepts easily. It's a weird thing, because I think learning about it is so cool and finding the terms for things I do or see is really exciting – I wish I could find a good book that went into real detail rather than being just about academic writing or english as second language – but if you hand me a sentence and ask me to identify parts, ummmm. I can probably give you the subject and verb. I can't even always remember which are adjective and which are adverbs lol. It's not like that matters in day to day life or anything, but I like having clear, specific terminology to talk about things with.

(This definitely happened because I read SO MUCH when I was younger, like at least a book a day for years and years and years and 'adult' books from early on. So that taught me to instinctively recognize what things should or should not look like/sound like, but I can't tell you why. It also means learning new languages is next to impossible for me because I don't have that base knowledge to grasp simple concepts.)

The biggest thing that falls about equally under grammar and style is this... bad habit I have. I've actively tried to tone it down in Gotcha, (and I need to go back to the first few chapters and fix them a little more) but there are definitely fics where I went way overboard with it, not even realizing at the time.

I tend to have a sentence, then drop the subject (or like, an entire clause lol) of the next sentence/s, if it's the same subject, creating sentence fragments. But in my head, it's clear those sentences are linked together, so it's not unclear or really a fragment, right???

(Examples and how I could NOT be lazy and fix it:)

“Uh,” Peter says. Pauses and ducks his head, like he’s embarrassed about this, ridiculous.

(“Uh,” Peter says; he pauses, ducking his head like he's embarrassed about this, which is ridiculous.)

But— it's been easy to talk like this, to Peter. To tell him things that he doesn't have to worry will go any further than the space between their bodies, curled close to each other. To talk to Peter, when he doesn't have to see his face, just a sliver of light in his eyes and a darker patch of space.

(But-- it's been easy to talk like this to Peter, to tell him things that Tony doesn't have to worry will go any further than space between their bodies, curled close to each other. It's been so much easier to talk to Peter when Tony doesn't have to see his face, just a sliver of light in his eyes and a darker patch of space.)

He turns his head to look at Peter, curled up on his stomach, face smashed into the pillow. Three months, and Peter thought it was worth celebrating. Had wanted to celebrate it, even if Tony was clueless about it.

(He turns his head to look at Peter, curled up on his stomach, face smashed into the pillow. It's only been three months, and Peter thought that was something worth celebrating. Peter had wanted to celebrate it, even if Tony was clueless about it.)

I could get all fancy and try to say I'm attempting to stylistically combine subject ellipsis with yoked sentences or something, but the reality is that I'm mostly being too lazy to go back and restructure things to work with my good friend the semi-colon, or just stick the damn subject back in there. I think part of it stems from wanting avoid starting sentences over and over with 'he' or someone's name, but that's just lazy writing.

I don't dwell on it too much and have mostly accepted it as a stylistic quirk; I really do think that when limited, in certain contexts it works well to create something a bit breathless (whether it's the long 'can't stop to take a breath there are so many things to get out' type or the 'can't catch my breath enough to get full sentences out' type) or stream of conscious-like. It can work well in sex scenes, or when you're deep in someone's thoughts But I know it's something that specifically drives a lot of people nuts and they can't stand to read much of it at all, and that's totally fair! They're even technically correct!

Then you get more into the purely stylistic areas!

I've been told, often, both in the fanfic world and outside it, that I have a 'very poetical style'. I think that's not inaccurate - for a long time I wrote far more poetry than prose. At some point, there started to be a significant amount of bleed over, where I was consistently hearing that my poetry felt almost prose like, and my prose almost poetry like (in a positive way 90% of the time, at least). What exactly makes something more poetry or prose like is a while other matter that I find a little baffling, honestly.

(I say, as I immediately sit down to think about it for too long.)

There's something very interesting to be said about the way poetry tends toward... a sparseness, trying to make a few words do the work of many, while at the same time being very descriptive rather than straightforward, trying to communicate these emotions and ideas and concepts through written out images and metaphors. It tends to feel very intentional (though that's often a LIE lol).

I think about that, and then I think about my adoration of the strict drabble, the older ONLY definition of exactly 100 words, of how challenging and fun it is to write those, how it really stretches your writing abilities sometimes. Having a specific concept and a specific number of words, having to be very intentional about every single one of them and yet still ending up three words over, trying to pick through it and figure out which ones to eliminate that leads to just rewriting the whole thing only now you're five words under-- I realize that sounds like hell for a lot of people, but I think it's so fucking cool. Or god, even better, three sentence fics. Admittedly I feel like I cheat at those a little, but technically they're still three sentences!!! >.> (I could go on about short form fic don't get me going.)

And that mindset can carry over to much longer things as well, though it's a little hilarious to say that in the context of Gotcha, where I have 100% indulged my every whim and cut nothing. (Not true actually! I have a whole document full of scenes and conversations and entire interactions that had to go.)

On the flip side of that, going to that very descriptive sort of sideways approach to depicting things, which is something I think I tend to do? I don't know, this thought isn't quite as formed in my head. Just, using five different ways to express something rather than SAYING it.

There are also some things I am honest to god just terrible at. Plot is the biggest overarching one. I just... I literally cannot conceptualize a plot on it's own, if that makes any sense. It's easier when it's fanfic, because I can do more of a ninety degree angle of 'but what if' instead of starting from scratch, but otherwise, I can only form this sort of vague linking of a couple events and god, it's so boring to try and figure out more. This is why, until now, I haven't written long things.

Seriously! Pre 2019, I think my most of my works hovered between 100 words to 1000. I had one long thing and while I love it and the concept, I didn't put it together well. (I dream of finding the time to go back and redo it someday, for all three readers lol.) Even now, most of my recent fic that's gotten over 10k is only because I like to drag those sex scenes OUT.

And I think I struggle with plot because I don't think in terms of plot. I think in terms of emotion. It's like the very very far end of the 'plot driven vs character driven' scale? Almost everything I write comes from an emotion first, and follows the emotional line more than anything. A more traditional plot may form around it, but even if it does, I'm not thinking of it that way?

Like, say alternate Aegis ending A) – I guess the plot is, uh, Quentin doesn't die and how do they deal with that now, with Peter having bonded him and SHIELD wanting his head and Quentin still wanting all the adoration? But that's not what I'm writing about. I'm writing about how this furious, horribly vulnerable version of Quentin manages to find a way to have even the smallest amount of trust in Peter, how he's navigating the push pull of what he wants (and has had to suppress wanting) and what his new, completely different from him Alpha wants, how Peter can find a way to repair things when Quentin has this ingrained distrust and has literally just had it violated even more by Peter. At it's core, it's a story about trust, and I have to deal with these obnoxious things like 'well what does Fury do while they're figuring it out?' Ugh, I don't know! Who cares! Not me! Why can't they just sit and have a lot of feelings at each other??

Except it's fanfic, so they can! :D

That got considerably off track um. Right. The point there was that one of the things that I think makes my writing seem more poetry like is that intense focus on emotion, and use of emotional reactions to show other things.

(I'm also really terrible at creating new characters, which is why I'll probably never bother to publish stuff. Fanfic has the bonus of characters that we're already attached to and that have already been developed, so I can skip making you care and just dig straight into the finer points of characterization mmmmm.)

Linked closely with that are a couple other things:

Because I want the focus to be on the emotions, I also want that POV to be as close and intimate as possible. In Gotcha we're incredibly far into Quentin's head, which we need because Quentin is deliberately blind to his own emotions (and also how else can we have any sympathy for such a godawful person). I'm almost always going to go with close limited third, and will struggle to even switch out chapters in the same fic with different POV's. And I really like to write that POV using a character that's not reliable – not necessarily deliberately so, but by their very nature – either insane or damaged or distinctly off human norm.

(You know what my absolute favorite POV is? Second person. Oh my GOD I love second person POV and I almost never ever see it in fic, much less done well, and most of the published books I've read in it use it as more of a gimmick than in earnest – when it's even actual second and not like, hybrid with parts in a different POV or straight up LYING to me about being second Raven Tower I'm looking at you. Again don't get me started.)

Also probably because I'm fixating on the emotions, I tend to focus a lot on sensory details. There's not a lot of me automatically thinking to describe rooms or environments, unless there's some sort of interesting lighting situation going on, but I am all about the tactile feel and smell and taste and sound of things. Sound ends up being more prominent then the other in Gotcha, I think, but it depends on the fic.

I think those senses are something people forget about all too easily, and I tend to say it's one of the easiest ways to make your sex scenes more interesting. Hell, if you're worried about the choreography of it or just don't want to bother, you can drop ninety percent of that and focus entirely on those sensory details, lay out just how much they're overwhelming the character and it'll be as hot as any graphic sex scene. It's totally my fall back when I'm not getting anywhere with 'when dick goes in where how'.

(That said I do seem to bounce between that type of sex scene and 'I will now describe every single movement made in great detail' type, Idk why. I think I'm terrible at like, fight choreography or just people moving around, but feel pretty comfortable and confident in the sex choreography. Though that's possibly because it's something I've put concerted effort into, a subject for another time.)

I've had to put a deliberate effort into the sort of environment/scene setting stuff a lot more, writing Gotcha, and it's so haaaaaard. Shorter fics, or smut fics, I can get away with 'eh they're in a bedroom there's a bed it's fine', but since Quentin and Peter spend so much goddamn time on that couch, I have to figure out how to keep it from becoming scene after scene of talking heads, or find things for them to do while they're out and about so I can get to the conversation I really WANT to write, and I'm always like... but how do people people? Catch me googling 'scenes of people walking down the street' because I have never seen another human being in my life, apparently. It ebbs and flows depending on how much energy I had to put into any one scene, because it's one of the first things to go.

Sticking with sex scenes though, that highlights something else I think I tend to do, and not just during the smut (though it's more noticeable there), which also goes back to that vague thing I had about approaching things sideways. Sex scenes in particular are almost never about the sex itself; I've had them called fraught or tense often, and I think it's because they might be fucking, but the narrative is really about something else, some emotion (lol surprise) or conversation or fight or connection, that just happens to be accompanied by orgasms.

Honestly, even when I start with sex, like for kinktober, the thing that makes it work when I'm writing is finding that underlying emotion that the fic is really about, that drives the character's desire for that kink. That's true even when characters are doing some activity that isn't sex or sitting around emoting, they're doing it because it's a cover for the real underlying content they're not ready to be open about or acknowledge. So apparently I don't like directness!

With those underlying things, too, I'm a big fan of themes and threads that are drawn through the entire work, especially if there's a big payoff for it, but even if there isn't! Even if I'm the only one who probably notices! It makes me happy to have it there, that inner lit nerd that likes to take things apart geeking out. :) (Ask me about Gotcha's sometime actually don't lol I'll never shut up and also spoilers.)

Ooooo, and how titles can tie into that and introduce a whole other level that I know mostly people don't care about lol. Then slightly different from that are the themes I return to again and again, so I think seeing those crop again becomes part of my style as well – like, terrible comparison, but you don't got to a Nolan movie expecting a clear, simply presented narrative lol (and there's probably going to be some sort of weird time distortion shit going on). It used to be that you don't read an unsetteld fic without expecting some character death, but that's pretty much a thing of the past.

Oh and with endings - I like my open endings! I like them ambiguous or dangling or emotionally completely but not plot wise, in writing and reading and watching things. You're very seldom going to find me annoyed about a 'what happened, really? Decide for yourself, this is a collaborative creative experience' @the-me09 don't kill me. I have had to force myself to be a little less so sometimes or add on just a few more hundred words to avoid being murdered in my sleep. (When we get there, I will 100% point out where the original ending for Gotcha was and sit back for people to scream at me.)

I always say I'm bad at dialogue and people disagree, which is very nice, but truthfully, it comes out as well as it does because I spend so much time and effort on it. I can bang out a smut scene of several thousand words in an hour or two and feel pretty good about it, but five hundred words of talking, especially if it's not about something emotionally fraught? Kill me now, I'll be here for the next week. Though I suppose that goes to show that if you are feeling unsure or uncertain about some element of your writing, buckling down and really focusing on it specifically is worth the trouble. Like I said about choreographing sex scenes, five million words ago.

I don't think it's something I'll let myself get into too in depth here, but I'd say my writing style is also very much informed and influenced by who I read, published and online, and who I grew up reading. Which can be said of every author lol! There are things other authors do that I admire so much that, almost entirely subconsciously, I try to emulate it-- or more, I'm so captured by those ideas and ways of doing things that I find myself playing with the same aspects if with less skill.

Thank you for reading my book on the subject, you know what else is distinctive about my style? A LACK OF CONCISENESS ye gods.

#ask games #act1 and done

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takenakamomozou · 7 years

Text

yoooooo i got tagged by @nichiiko!!!!! ty friendo

Nickname: kii

Starsign: gemini

Height: 5′0″

Time: 12:09

Last thing Googled: fairy kei fashion (lol)

Fav music artists: logic , in love with a ghost

Song stuck in head: twisted - missio

Last movie watched: the dark tower!!!!!! it was a really good movie i liked it

Last TV show watched: family feud lol

Wearing: a navy blue t shirt + some shorts

Blog created: around december of 2015 i think?

What I post: a ton of mp100 , shitposts , art , other anime stuffs

Other blogs: uhh i have another blog but it’s my really old ut rp blog haha

Do you get asks often?: not that much , but i do appreciate them :)

Why did I choose my URL: this was originally supposed to be be an art only blog for my old blog , but once i deleted my old blog i started to use this one

Gender: nonbinary

Hogwarts house: hufflepuff!!

Pokemon team: tbh mostly grass , ice , and prob fairy types

Fav colour: a rlly nice pastel blue or mint green

Avg hours of sleep: probably 4-5 on school days and assume i’m dead on weekends

Lucky number: 7 ??

Fav characters: as of right now literally most of the mp100 cast (esp mob and takenaka ;)) , deku and tsuyu from bnha , zenyatta from ow (where is his lore blizzard) , the main four in hxh , and quicksilver lol

Dream job: uh probably an illustrator or storyboard artist , if that doesn't work out i’ve been thinking about being a teacher

Following: 1,115 users

Tagging: uh anyone that wants to do this i dont feel like tagging anyone

#rambles #tagged #nichiiko #OH MY GO D #i haven't opened my laptop in a while and i forgot to post the WTF #HAHA WHOOPS

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cucumbers-and-olives · 4 years

Text

When All Is Said And Done

⚠️stop! have you read part one, the winner takes it all yet? if not, click the link and read it cause idk if this will make much sense!

Summary: You slowly repair you relationship with Reggie as you get closer to the end of the show.

Category: high school au, musical au?

Fandom: JATP

Paring: Reggie x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Includes: mentions of cheating

A/N: this is for @reggiepetersappreciationweek day 5? whatever yesterday was, i have a trash memory, and i forgot to post this so... whoops!

(also @williexmercer asked to be tagged in this so.... ta da?)

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: ahhhh ty so so much @wrhen for helping me give this story the ending it deserved, i had no idea how to end it, so thank you!

AO3 link here (nope)

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 under the same username. Thank you!

Here's to us

One more toast

And then we'll pay the bill

Closing night was always a sad thing. But after the last three months, all of the drama, and the nightmares… You could tell that the smile on Reggie’s face was his, and he was happy. Truly happy.

Deep inside

Both of us

Can feel the autumn chill

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You listened to his voicemail over and over, trying to decide if you should trust him this time. You got one of these voicemails every week on Monday. It had been a month since “the incident” and he wasn’t giving up.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be-” You tossed your phone at the wall as hard as possible, but with your bad luck it landed on the soft white sheets of your bed and you let out a scream. It was loud and heart-wrenching, and you collapsed into the shag carpet. The soft blue carpet he had bought for you when you found out you had landed the role.

And from your spot on the floor, there was the photo of the two of you that you had framed after your second date. When you knew he was the one. He had taken you to the fair, and one of his friends had come over to take a photo of the two of you, but someone had bumped into him, and there was a ton of bright pink cotton candy in his hair. That was your favorite moment with him.

You rolled over, and like a bad omen, your phone played the voicemail again. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I want to explain, so I’ll be at our spot at 7 pm tomorrow.” You had crawled onto your bed to turn it off when you heard him whisper something he hadn’t in any of the other voicemails. “I love you.”

As you lay down to sleep that night, your brain looped his words. I love you, I love you, I love you. I. Love. You.

He hadn’t ever said it before.

Birds of passage

You and me

We fly instinctively

The cast all had slight tears in their eyes. Most of them were seniors, including you and Reggie, so this was your last show at a school you had grown to love.

When the summer's over

And the dark clouds hide the sun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

“Y/N and Reggie.” Your science teacher moved on and continued calling out other pairs to work together.

He moved to where you were sitting. It seemed as if his personality had changed. He was no longer the confident, happy boy you knew, but a shy, quiet one. “I- I can ask for a different partner. You probably don’t, don’t want to work with me.” His eyes were transfixed on the desk.

You don’t know what led you to do this, but you slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his face to look at you. “We have 5 minutes left in this period, and then we have rehearsal. You have that long to come up with a convincing argument as to why I should trust you, go it?”

He nodded softly, and you released his face. Now you had that long to figure out if you should trust him again.

As the bell rang you began to pack up your stuff when a note fell out of your bag. You picked it up and began to read it.

“Y/N. I kissed him. I’m not trying to cover for him, it’s the honest truth.” You looked up at your teacher.

“Y/L/N, get to rehearsal, or at least get out of my classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry!” You said, hurrying out of her classroom. You stepped into the hall, and you continued to read the note.

“I know it sounds like I’m covering for him. I’m not. I came into his dressing room, I kissed him. (I’ll spare you the details) But you two are an amazing couple, and he’s been a mess without you. There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

And just like the “I love you,” those last words rang in your head through rehearsal.

“There’s a hole in his heart that only you can fix.”

When all is said and done

In our lives

We have walked

Some strange and lonely treks

He crossed the stage and looked back at you. The strength it would take the entire cast to not laugh like children would be incredible.

Slightly worn

But dignified

And not too old for sex

We're still striving for the sky

No taste for humble pie

“Thank you.” He said, passing you a coke. “The pie will be out in a second.”

The booth in the back of the diner was a quiet one, but there were so many memories here. Your first date, your first kiss, Reggie asking you to be his girlfriend, and getting cast as Donna and Sam. You had found out sitting in this booth.

The waitress came over. “Two slices of apple pie, enjoy you two,” She said, with a little wink.

You took a fork and stabbed the pie like an enemy. “Talk.”

“I didn’t mean to. She came in, and she started it, I-” You shoved some pie in his mouth. His face was alarmed for a second, and then he smiled.

“Not about that, idiot, about the project. We have to present tomorrow.” You took a bite of your pie.

“I thought…” He was lost in thought for a moment and then he spoke. “I was thinking we could alternate slides? Or if you just want to do the chunks you wrote, that’s cool too!” He said, eating some more of his pie.

“That sounds good, we can alternate slides. Also, could you help me with my math homework? I’m- well, I’ve got a D. Can you help me? I brought it with me if you want to now, I have it with me, or we can do it later?” You rambled off.

“Scooch over,” He said, standing up. As you did, he sat down next to you. “Okay, pull it out, and show me what you’re struggling with. We’re not leaving till you have it down.”

He smiled at you, and you knew you were back to normal now. Or at least, a new normal.

Thanks for all your generous love

And thanks for all the fun

Neither you nor I'm to blame

As he sang that line, you both glanced into the audience where your former-best-friend-now-acquaintance sat. Your relationship had healed over the last month. He and you were clearer, and when/if anything happened, you both gave each other a chance to explain your side of the story. It was better now.

When all is said and done

It's so strange

When you're down

And lying on the floor

“Okay look up when you open your eyes,” He said, removing his hands from your face. You looked out at the beautiful rolling hills and then up. Up to the sky, and the shining stars. You gasped as you saw them, each one more beautiful than the last.

“Woah, Reggie this is so beautiful, I-” You turned around to face him. He had a picnic all laid out. There was a full apple pie and ice cream, along with a bunch of your favorite sweets and some popcorn and pretzels.

“Reggie, when did you have the time for this? It’s almost tech week,” You said as you sat down next to him. “Not that I’m ungrateful but seriously, when did you-” He cut you off as he stuck a bit of pie in your mouth.

“Did you?” He nodded. “You bought a full pie from the diner?” You smiled at him so big. And it was a wonderful night.

How you rise

Shake your head

Get up and ask for more

Clear-headed and open-eyed

With nothing left untried

Standing calmly at the crossroads

No desire to run

“I’m scared Alex.” It was Reggie’s voice you heard as you walked up to the garage. Over the past 2 and a half months, your relationship had changed, and now, it was the Saturday before tech week.

You froze outside the garage as you listened to Reggie.

“I- I, I messed it all up before, and I keep feeling like I’m gonna mess up again,” Reggie said. His voice was shaking if it was even possible for a voice to do that.

“Reg,” Alex said. “What happened wasn’t your fault. They came in and kissed you.”

“I should’ve stopped it. I should have stopped them.”

“Reggie, she forgave you. And trust me, Y/N wouldn’t be with you if she thought you had done it on purpose.”

You knocked on the garage door. “Reg, you in there? We’re gonna be late to rehearsal!”

“Yeah- yeah, I’m coming, I’ll meet you in the car babe!” He hollered back.

There's no hurry anymore

When all is said and done

Then he did something unexpected. Something unscripted. You just felt him pulling you in and dipping you down, and for a moment in one amazing kiss, the audience wasn’t there.

You pulled away, smiling and breathless as the audience cheered.

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #tumblr is legit my fucking life now #motivate me to deactivate this blog to leave the hellsite forever 2021 #trigger warning: suicide mention #tw: suicide mention

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