#why did you leave?

[hellowkatey]

duty and sacrifice

Summary: Obi-Wan's first night back at the Temple after Melida-Daan. Angstpril day 4: "why did you leave?"

Obi-Wan wasn’t asleep for long before being lulled awake by the bed beneath him shifting.

(Or rather, the couch. He had only been back at the Temple for a few hours and didn’t feel comfortable reclaiming his old room. Not while he was on probation.)

The living room was dark, but Coruscant’s nightlife brought enough of a blue-tinted glow to illuminate the outline of a familiar Jedi Master perched on the edge of the cushion near Obi-Wan’s feet.

“M’ster Jinn?” Obi-Wan muttered while wiping away the sleep. For the first time since they arrived back from Melida-Daan, Qui-Gon made eye contact with the boy.

“Why did you leave?” the question was not laced with bitterness or accusation like Obi-Wan would have expected it to be. It was soft. Uttered with the cautious cadence of someone who laid awake choosing each word with careful intention.

Even more surprising was the bitterness that Obi-Wan felt. His gut reaction was to respond with sarcasm. “You should know why. You were there,” felt favorable on his tongue. “Technically it was you who left me,” followed close behind.

Despite the small truths they harbored, neither was allowed to be spoken into existence. Obi-Wan had spent his own sleepless nights in deep thought over the morality of it all and knew exactly his answer.

“I didn’t leave,” he said, ”I stayed.”

Qui-Gon hummed with mild interest. “Is there a difference?”

“Well, yes. Staying meant fulfilling my duty. Leaving meant walking away from it.”

“So you believe your duty was to the Young?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “I know it was.”

“How?”

“Because I could feel it in the Force, Master Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon looked away again.

“So what do you think I chose?”

“What?”

They were staring at one another again, but Qui-Gon’s gaze had hardened again. “Did I stay? Or leave?”

That was the question. The dilemma the Temple was buzzing about. The critical decision the Council had to make a verdict on. Was Qui-Gon’s primary duty to the Jedi and his injured friend, or to his padawan that was making rather radical decisions a few months into his apprenticeship?

The problem with the question was there wasn’t a clear answer. Even Obi-Wan fluctuated his positions. He understands the reasons that Qui-Gon had to return. He knows he didn’t exactly give his Master a choice. Time was running out. Obi-Wan was stubborn and Qui-Gon— whether he was willing to admit it or not— was scared.

“I think you did what you thought was right.”

“Leaving you on Melida-Daan was right?” Qui-Gon whispered. His tone was too neutral for Obi-Wan to deduce if he was being sarcastic or genuine. No matter the intention, Obi-Wan shook his head with matching neutrality.

“No. But staying with Master Tahl was,” The couch shifted with Master Jinn’s shift in weight. His lip twitched a few times as it struggled to decide which emotion would surface. When the silence started to become uncomfortable, Obi-Wan cleared his throat and fiddled with the seam of the blanket that was not there when he fell asleep. “How is Master Tahl, by the way.”

It took Qui-Gon a moment to snap out of his daze. “She’s doing… better. It’s been a long road since… well, I’ll let her tell you the story.”

Obi-Wan swallowed the lump in his throat. He had assumed the worst when the days began to turn to weeks and Qui-Gon hadn’t turned back up on Melida-Daan. Though he relinquished his apprenticeship by not getting on the ship, he assumed— he hoped— his master would return. When he didn’t, Obi-Wan prayed it wasn’t mourning that kept Qui-Gon from finding him.

Learning Master Tahl was alive was a relief.

Realizing Qui-Gon did not come until Obi-Wan pleaded for assistance sent a new wave of dismay through his mind.

“It’s late,” Qui-Gon said, even though it was he who awoke Obi-Wan in the middle of the night. “Get some sleep, Obi-Wan.”

And then he was gone.

Obi-Wan settled back down under the blanket that usually rests on the end of Qui-Gon’s bed. It smelled like the laundry detergent used in the Temple washroom and Qui-Gon. Home wrapped around him like the hug of a stranger. His senses were torn between the comfort of familiarity and the dread of having to let it go all over again.

Despite his physical exhaustion, sleep refused him.

[thechaoticfanartist]

"Why did you leave?"

"I made a choice. I couldn't stay."

Angstpril Day 4: "Why did you leave?"

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added or removed) : @padme--amygdala @soclonely @mrfandomwars @jgvfhl @starlonkedd @milfspectre1 @togrutanduin @jedi-valjean @one-real-imonkey @traygaming @roseofalderaan @keoxus  @tranakin-thighhighwalker @veiled-in-stars @sentineljedi @spicysucculentz @amelia-song-pond @kohtoyah @saturnsokas @thejediprincessqueenofnaboo @veradragonjedi

[annasinterests]

we were girls,

together– tight as the hair ties we borrowed from one another.

but even those break, too.

a part of me grieves every day, even when I think I’m not.

when is it supposed to stop hurting?

when can I delete the video on my phone from your thirteenth birthday?

never in my life had I had a friend so ready to drop everything to be by my side when they were over two hours away from home. that when I was barely able to choke out the words of my pain, the first words of yours were, “I’m coming right now.”

saying you were my twin flame wouldn’t be enough.

you meant so much more than that to me.

I think there will always be a part of me that feels empty, and in that hole lives the memories of those seven years.

seven is my lucky number, anyway.

I still tell stories about you– about us– with smiles and laughs, but I don’t think anyone can really see how much it tears me up inside knowing that’s all I have left.

I still don’t know how to feel some days. sometimes it’s anger, other times it’s sadness. I ask myself questions that I’ll probably never get the answer to, and that’s okay.

because at least we were girls,

together.

- anna

[sinvulkt]

Angstpril: 4. "WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" (post order 66)

@whumpril - Alt.11 "Don’t push me away."

*** ** * ** ***

"Why did you leave?"

Aheka stood in the cave entrance, a pained look on her face. I recoiled. By Falling, I had saved her. I had also abandoned her. But I knew this was not what she referred to. All these times I had stalked my Master’s group, checked upon their wellbeing, I had not once stepped forward out of the shadows. Even when I placed a delirious Pat on their doorstep… I had left.

"I couldn’t stay."

Not then, not now. I was a poison in her midst, and it was only a matter of time before one of them got hurt.

"You can,” she denied.

"Even though I'm Fallen?" I challenged.

"Being fallen now doesn’t mean you will be trapped in the Dark forever."

I internally scoffed. That wasn’t quite what the teaching of the Temple said. But the Temple was gone now, and the prideful Jedi had always been flawed creatures. I could feel the hope and longing burning in my former Master's presence. My wings sagged. If she wanted me here… who was I to deny it?

(How could I, when I yearned for the exact same thing?) 

"You'll regret this," I warned.

"Or so you once told me.” She smiled, knowing the battle was won. “And yet, I don't think any of us regret meeting you." 

I stepped forward and into the warmth of the cave, knowing it would wrongly welcome me back. I would indulge, for now. And perhaps one day I’d lose control, perhaps one day they'd see the truth of the darkness that curled in my chest, and we’d all suffer the consequences. Until then however, my Flock was mine to protect.

[blogger360ncislarules]

Hetty wonders why Granger left her (pre S9′s Reentry)

@chaos-company

[misunderstood-entity]

I think the fact that you're not here anymore makes it so much harder to deal with certain things

You were the one who I went to after I'd had a shitty day at work, when I just needed to breathe and when I just needed a rant without being judged.

I really wish I could still do that. I really wish I didn't feel like I want to hurt myself again when all the feelings come back

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[autobot2001]

Angst April Snippets 1 & 2

@chaos-company Angst April  (snippets for The Hidden Killer

Day 1; lier, Day 4; "why did you leave?" Day 8; mind games, Day 24; "I was wrong about you." Day 21; "You're on your own, kid." Day 25; nothing lasts forever Alt 1; til death do us part 

TW: knife Janice Valdez Walks up the stairs towards the door. She thinks nothing about the lights being off until she turns on the lights in the living room. "I wouldn't scream," a male says from behind her. Janice recognizes the voice. His smile is still frightening as she looks at him. "Why did you leave, Janice?" Austin asks. "I was wrong about you. You're a psychopath." "No, you didn't obey me like a good female. I was the man in the relationship." "Fuck you, Austin. You're sick thinking that's how a relationship works." Janice watches Austin put out a knife. "You know how they say 'til death do us part'? Hmm, on second thought, you'll see your husband again." "Mom?" A little girl asks. "Get out of here, Lilah," Janice tells her daughter. The little girl runs out of the room but not out of the house. She sits on the stairs, hearing her mother scream.

Once the screams cease, Liliah goes back into the living room, seeing her mom is also dissected like her father. "You're on your own, kid," Austin tells the frightened girl, "you won't have to worry about your mom locking you up in an asylum." Austin walks away as the little girl stares at her dead parents. She forces herself to go to her room and pack a suitcase. She calls 911 before leaving the house, hoping the police will find the man who killed her parents.

Day 3; no escape, Day 10; Sacrifice Day 12; confessions Day; 14 cruelty  TW: gun, killing

Austin watches his next target walk into a parking lot with a woman. Looking at how he can trap them. They are pleased with the location of the car they were walking to, the corner of the lot. He quickly drives his car towards them. Stopping once he's at the poison that has the two trapped. "What's the big idea?!" The man yells and kicks the car. They watch the driver move to the passenger side to get out. "Hello, Joshua," Austin greets. "Do I know you?" Joshua asks. "You should. I remember you specifically ordered employees to torture me!" "You deserved it! You should have gotten the other half of the punishment for killing people!" "That's not punishment; that's cruelty! Sweetie, you're going to want to look away." The two watch Austin take out a gun. Before he can fire, the woman moves in front of Joshua. "Emily!" The two men watch Emily fall to the ground. "How unfortunate she was loyal to you, but you'll see her again. Her sacrifice is for nothing. As much as I'd love to torture you, I have no time to get your ass in the car." With one final pull of the trigger, Austin kills Joshua. Speeding out of the parking lot seconds before police could see him or his car.

[shesnake]

too much "this character did something bad" talking about fictional characters like they're autonomous entities and not enough "why have the writers made this character do the bad thing and how does it contribute to the overall plot and themes?"

[thedreadvampy]

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

[7amaspayrollmanager]

Alright let's imagine a scene that is all too normal in palestine. A palestinian business owner finds his building covered in graffiti stars of Davids and Hebrew that says "gas the arabs" and "death to arabs"

Now imagine there's a reporter there and asks the palestinian business owner what happens and they say "the jews attacked my business"

Pause. Now your response might be "uncle no. Say israelis not jews" and then this is when he would look at you like youre stupid because the israelis doing this are jewish. They are not the Christians or the druze or the palestinian ones with Israeli citizenship. They are Jewish israelis who believe in their religious supremacy. When you graffiti stars of david all over a palestinian business, car, or the street you seek that conflation. it sends a message, this is jewish land and you're next.

The problem is that these videos circulate in zionist circles. "Watch this video of children in gaza calling for the death of jews" "watch how they say they want to fight and kill jews" those children are referring to Israeli soldiers that come in night and do their raids with the star of David attached to their uniform or the ones that bomb them. It's easy to watch those videos and assume that palestinians are indoctrinating their children on anti semitism or you can realize that those children's only interaction with jewish ppl is through violence and parents cannot protect their children from this. Doesn't matter context is lost

Abby Martin went to Jerusalem and interviewed israelis for 2 hours and she says every israeli was extremely confident to say that this land is for them and that they should push the Arabs out and when she interviewed palestinians they spoke of freedom from occupation and their dreams. That's reality. Not the soundbites.

And yet we have invasive youtubers and interviewers constantly in the street of ramallah or wherever in palestine asking palestinians "do you hate jews?" And in those videos you hear those palestinians say "no we have no problem with jews we have a problem with occupation and we have a problem with zionism." Bc this is how we are trained to respond to this trope. Palestinians are very aware what the world thinks of us and the reality is that many palestinians have internalized it and we grow up reading books on the Holocaust and train ourselves to recognize anti semitic dog whistles so zionists don't get the soundbites they want.

So we say "anti zionism is not anti semitism" and we say "israeli zionists" and we do not say "jewish supremacy" even thought it exists in palestine but "zionist supremacy" and in these carefully worded speech we water down what is happening to us in an effort to not deter people away from solidarity. But it means nothing. The world categorically blames palestinians for rising anti semitism they blame us for jewish insecurity globally.

[meringuejellyfish]

is herobrine behavior/lore not common knowledge anymore .... has the world really forgotten about the 2x2 tunnels .. trees with their leaves all gone ... the sand pyramids in the ocean ... the herobrine shrine that would apparently summon him ... the lost to time brocraft hoax livestream that further popularized herobrine as a concept (of which herobrine was just a painting from a texture pack, later removed to which the streamer would continue to act freaked out until the end) .. the original forum post from sometime in august 2010 that detailed encounters with a pseudo-player in the distance on a singleplayer world which included this screenshot

does anyone even care at all. about a herobrine so small

[sparring-spirals]

Still emotional about Fy'ra Rai and Opal, actually. Thought dump time bc i. dont have the energy to cut this down effectively.

Because at that point in the episode, Opal is doomed. Not in the fun little "oh things are getting worse ;)" kind of way we'd been experiencing leading up to the fight, or even IN the fight. At that point in the fight, Cyrus is dead. Dorian and Dariax have their minds twisted, bodies clambering away from the fight. Morrighan has felt, firsthand, just how far gone Opal is, holes in her mind, her friend broken. The heartbreaking sentence of. "You can always come back." understands that she is gone already. She's lost already. Opal has forgotten Ted. Opal has forgotten herself.

So at that point in the fight, we know Opal is doomed. Us as the audience, the cast, the characters. Aabria is running through each of the other crownkeepers and it is more of a goodbye than a round of combat. Defying the Spider Queen invites death, with zero hesitation- Cyrus's body as physical evidence of that. The terms were very clearly set: You leave Opal, you let her be lost. Or you die. (Leaving Opal anyway).

and Fy'ra Rai then. Grasps the crown, understands intimately that she can break it off and it will kill Opal. (I will free you, if you want me to. We would lose you but you would not be taken). And asks, what do you want me to do. What do you want.

and Opal says, I want you to leave. (I want you to live.) and Fy'ra Rai functionally says. No. Sorry. That's not one of the options.

If you wanted to go. I will do that (your blood on my hands). If you want me to stay, I will. But I'm not going to leave you.

There was the point where Fy'ra Rai broke into the communication and I felt my insides sink because. Look. Lets be real, Aabria had already demonstrated the stakes here. The gesture would not be rewarded for the gesture alone. The Spider Queen's terms were: You leave Opal. Or you die.

And Fy'ra Rai said: no.

I don't think I'm overstepping to assume that if Fy'ra Rai had failed the intimidation check, she would have died. This entire thing hits me so hard because I think Anjali knew that too. I think Fy'ra Rai knew that too. Yes, Fy'ra Rai convinced a Betrayer God to negotiate. She carved a third option out of a non-negotiable situation. She knew what would happen if she failed and did it anyway, with no fear, no regret, no waver in her resolve. She had lost enough sisters. She wasn't going to lose anymore, no matter the personal cost. That's part of why it succeeded, I'm sure, but.

Just. Fuck me. The amount of resolve. The amount of love. The amount of conviction. "I am. A protector." You know your friend- your sister- is doomed. So no more negotiating away from that. You step to her side and you grasp her hand and say- doom me with her.

And in some, sideways way, this saves you both, at least for a little while.

Because this story is a tragedy. This ending is a sad one. We know this already. But think about- Opal, under Lolth's bidding, alone in the dark. Think about Fy'ra Rai, alive, intimately aware that she had failed to protect yet another sister.

And think about what we got, instead: the two of them, in deep darkness, danger encroaching- holding hands. Someone they love at their side. A champion. And her champion.

This is still a sad story. But it's not the same one. Fy'ra Rai stared down a Betrayer God and made her change her mind. She stared down a Betrayer God, and her love and conviction changed the nature of the story. It shouldn't have been able to. But she did.

Fy'ra Rai chose to doom 2 people instead of one, and the sheer strength of her love and will managed to save them both, at least for a little while. Isn't it funny how that works? Isn't it devastating? Isn't it. fucking incredible?

[c-kiddo]

you wouldnt last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[tapakah0]

Animation commission I guess...

Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)

Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day

[jell-o101]

"Why do you look like a bear-"

"Don't question it."

I HAD TO DRAW THE SCENE THAT MURDERED ME. THOSE HUGS MELTED MY HEART!