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#why do they want to be hated so badly? i dont know
blood-grove · 16 hours
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— school fights
— dad!ghoap & reader scenario based off my fics here :3
— tws; ofc fighting mentions, injuries , annoying adult (principal)
a/n; this isnt a chapter to odd adjustments just a scenario so pls dont treat this as a next chapter !
Fuck Fuck Fuckkk.
I was so fucking screwed.
But honestly the kid deserved it.
God my fist hurt so damn bad, I just tried rubbing it despite the fact I'm pretty sure I bruised my knuckles pretty badly.
Managed to sock him in the face though god damn it hurt.
I've never really gotten into fights much barely at all really, and it's been good at this school so far.
All into this one fucking kid decided to start fucking up your day for two weeks straight, You didn't even know what you did to cause this.
You weren't the tallest person either which also didn't help your situation Nearly comically shoved in the locker, Always having to quickly rush to your next class just in case the long open hallway would flood and stop up with foot traffic.
The relentless harassment, and the honestly uncreative insults thrown at you.
You just snapped.
John had packed me lunch usually I didn't ask since honestly I never got used to asking for things I felt everything they've gave me so far was enough, I didn't want to be spoiled even though there was a nagging voice saying I wasn't being spoiled.
This sort of parental affection made me feel spoiled, Made me feel like I almost had too much.
The principals voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"Are you listening?!"
No.
"Yes.."
"I've already called both of your parents both of your behaviors were inexcusable- And you? Biting one of your classmates?!"
I slightly flinched.
Yeah I did bite them.
But that was also deserved, I hated this school's stupid no-tolerance policy, Nearly the whole class was there saw it.
They all saw him dump that milk carton on my head my hair still damp, I tried to just walk away but being shoved onto the ground was my final straw as I punched him, and then we were both on the floor he was bigger than me and obviously, And I wasn't made for fighting he had landed a few more hits on me than I had on him.
So I bit him.
Hard.
Then the teachers finally got in threw the small crowd of students and pulled us apart.
"What are you some kind of dog? Do your parents teach you nothing?"
I just stayed silent gripping my pants leg as avoided eye contact, Why was I getting torn into for self-defense? Her shrill voice was getting on my nerves at this point getting to them bad.
I doubted things would go any better if I completely shut down, But eventually, she let up on me and went over to the teary-eyed boy no doubt from my bite of just to gain sympathy I couldn't care.
I just pulled my legs to my chest as he chewed on my lip focused on the ground.
This discussion was just hell, I wanted to throw up, yell, and vomit all once.
We both were getting suspended for a week, You would be put in sperate classes as if that was going to stop any other interaction from happening.
And you were supposed fucking apologize?.
"What?" I spoke up finally as the principal looked over at me Simon looked over at me as well had luckily arrived before the other kids' parent came which would have basically felt like my doom feeling like they were just going to gang up on me and guilt me till he came.
"You bit another student-"
"He dumped milk on me he's been fucking with me for two weeks!"
"Watch your language-"
"I-" I stopped as Simon slightly glanced over at me and I just gave up at that point as I bit my lip nearly crumbling up the apology paper I was given.
I was sniffling quietly by the time we left the office.
"Wait here." Simon finally said something as he headed back into the office leaving me to sit down on a nearby bench as I sniffled tears streaming down my face.
Simon came back out a few minutes later.
"Where's the paper?" Simon looked over at me as I handed him the paper as he just ripped it up tossing it into the trash.
"Why'd you do that?-"
"Do you want to go get ice cream?"
"..Yeah."
"Ow"
"Sorry.." Simon mumbled as he wrapped up my bruised knuckles and hand, My other holding my ice cream cone.
"Well get it wrapped up in ice at home.." I just nodded as he shifted getting up from his crouched position and picking up his own cup of ice cream.
He sat back down and we sat in silince for a while as we ate out ice cream.
"..Are you upset?"
He glanced over at me.
"Yes."
"I-"
"For not telling us you were being bullied."
"Well..I..I just thought.." I just sighed I went quiet looking away I could hear him shift taking another spoonful of ice cream.
"..If it happens again tell me.." I looked over at him as he shifted.
"You don't have to write that apology letter.."
"W-Well you ripped it up so..Yeah I thought so.."
"I'm going to the gym tomorrow.."
He paused as he shifted as he got up to throw away his ice cream cup.
"I want you too come."
"I-..Why..?"
"So I can teach you how to punch someone properly."
a/n; idk what to put here so this is it lmao
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Note
It’s almost like the lgbtqwerty cult has become so hateful and vile in recent years that I went from a “I really don’t care what you do” attitude to now being openly hostile to their way of life. Way to turn the people who were on the fence against you.
I think there is a small subset of the left that wants everyone to hate them for some reason and rather than accepting anything else, they've begun to antagonize outsiders in the hope of generating more of that hate. Don't give them that.
There's really something quite sad about someone who is so committed to feeling hated that they get mad when you tell them you don't hate them. I don't hate them but I do pity them.
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lobotomyladylives · 5 days
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I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck
#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i#in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where#i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever#i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at#and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like#everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd .#just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up#not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until#i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg#the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was#i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different#well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl#i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool
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oatbugs · 4 months
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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lemongogo · 3 months
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me admitting that i dont hate ast*rion after all .
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silenthillbunni · 18 days
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#1st ​my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner#so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively#nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way#but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop#i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together#nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done#then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth#when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?'#'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting'#i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room#but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive#so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner#she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to#but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything#she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of#idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone#and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao#i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden#nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd#like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library#i wnna show my mom what books i got#it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality#why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks#anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to
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secretlythatsme · 2 months
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i really love dc x dp tbh but i hate how so many fics end up making the batfam dumb as shit. and i don't mean in a "loveable goof" kind of way but in a genuine "these people don't have the skills or intelligence to be heroes" kind of way. which is just antithetical to their entire thing
sometimes it's because the writer just genuinely doesn't know anything about the batfam or what they've been through so they come across as idiots. and other times it's because the writer is writing op ghost king danny or just generally op danny and they genuinely think he could outsmart or beat them. more often than not, it's a combination of the two.
it's just so sad. like not only is it disrespectul to the batfam, essentially getting rid of all the skills and experience they have just to prop up danny, but it also makes things a lot more boring imo. don't get me wrong, i don't mind the occasional "main character is super op" kind of story, but it's boring when like 70% of fics are like that and there's no real challenge or obstacle for him. part of why the show danny phantom was so fun was that it was exciting and chair gripping to see danny have to deal with his new ghost powers, figuring out how to deal with ghost attacks or vlad, and dealing with school and his parents on top of that.
but often, dc x dp fics just,, get rid of any challenge for him. sure batman is a skilled detective but danny will always be able to trick him! sure cass has been trained since birth to read people's body language but this random ghost teen knows how to conceal and control everything!! yeah damian has also been trained since birth to fight and kill but this random guy from the midwest who just started fighting in his teens is so much better!!! like, alright. it's fun every now and then but it sucks when so much of the dc x dp content is just people acting like the batfam are the worst vigilantes/detectives in the world.
and honestly i still feel this way even with the ghost king danny fics because how? he's never had to deal with people obsessively reading his body language or reading between the lines. he's had to deal with hiding stuff sure but his parents aren't the most observant people - their whole deal was being neglectful. even as a ghost king, why would he know how to outsmart, take advantage of, or beat the batfam in any capacity when he would still mostly deal with ghosts. it's a completely different skill set here - one that he likely wouldn't be prepared for. it'd be fine if they at least attempted to explain why danny would have those skills (like league danny aus) but most of them don't.
and i'm not saying danny couldn't do it at all, especially if it's a ghost king au, but i'm just tired of seeing the batfam constantly downplayed in these fics Just to make danny look better, smarter, stronger, etc. ik most people in the fandom are just danny fans but it really shows with how they treat, characterize, and shit on the dc characters just to prop danny up. it also serves to occasionally make danny look like an asshole when he intentionally messes with them and basically commits psychological torture for a goof.
#man...#i Do like this crossover but i completely understand why so many dc fans hate it#the oocness the fanon the constantly making these skilled trained characters fumble around and get outsmarted by Some Guy#ghost king danny isn't even canon to dp! which isnt a bad thing by any means ik the dp fandom goes crazy for fanon#and generally speaking the fanon Is a lot more fun and engaging than dp's canon#but as a dc fan its insane to watch#i want to engage more with dc x dp content so badly like this crossover is really interesting to me#but so much of it is just 'the bat.fam are actually fucking useless and my blorbo is so much better :)))'#it's almost like they dont even like the bat.fam!!! they keep saying they just dont know/understand them#but it fully feels like they straight up dont like the dc characters#it definitely comes across as 'hey this is a fun world to put danny in lets do that while also shitting on it and all of the characters'#'lol bruce is so stupid this random teen can outsmart him and he can lie to cass and he can beat dick in a physical fight lol'#there's a point where it stops feeling like indulgent op blorbo and more like insulting anyone who isn't danny#<thats actually exactly what it is and its insane to me like why even like crossovers if you dont want to engage with anyone but danny#how can you say you like them when you outright refuse to know them or respect them?#and obviously im using 'you' in a vague way im not specifically calling anyone out#ik there are people in the fandom who are genuinely fans of both and Do know and respect the dc characters#but so far its very few and far between which is just such a fandom culture shock for me#like in most fandoms im able to read a lot of fics and only occasionally think 'thats not right'#but with this one its the other way around - im constantly going 'they wouldnt say/do that at all why does the op think that?'#like 9 out of 10 fics im like 'oh yeah this person has never read a comic in their life'#i can immediately tell when someone has only read the webtoon its extremely obvious unfortunately#maybe i should make a dc masterlist for dp fans... like here you can write about them again After you do your homework ajdhgl
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oscill4te · 6 months
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damn the family event i was supposed to go to today was canceled and it is bittersweet. Like I really didn't wanna go bc i am still not over everything, and seeing them always sets me back really bad. but damn, this family is so dysfunctional. everyone single family member just bailed or ghosted for different reasons. its kinda sad. I always feel as if I am the person who broke the family facade too. I bailed the last 2 years on this event too. so it is double ouch.
#gonna go uh. process things I guess.#like ;-; i was kinda hoping to see my sisters and aunt. moms okay. i mostly just didnt want to see my dad...#i scare my dad. he is scared of me. he turns all red and avoidant. i dont know why.#okay i do know why but its so complicated. he read through my diary when i was at work once#i fucking hate him for being such a control freak but i am just like him i guess#and lets just say; what he read probably has changed his view of me forever#i should be allowed to uncover repressed memories in privacy without family members reading it...#and i am allowed to have whatever pain i have about those things that happened...#i hate him for reading through my things#i am allowed to stumble and make mistakes and it was confirmed by my sister that it did happen so...#i am allowed to have feelings about it even if it is over reacting in others eyes and express it privately in my diary#i dont remember what i said in the note bc he took it. he wildly misinterpreted it too#he thinks i think he is a predator. no!!!! i dont think that!!!! im just hurt by weird things he has done#this stupid entry i wrote ruined our relationship but he shouldn't have read it#that note was only for me and potentially my therapist#and he never even talked to me about it. thats the worst thing. he sent my mom to talk to me about it#and he misinterpreted it so badly. bc theh both speak different languages and#the things my mom was telling me.. i was like.. i did not say those things... wtf#horrible game of telephone#txt
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soldier-poet-king · 1 year
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Once again I need everyone to like me all day long so much and it's INCURABLE
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lilowoof · 25 days
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I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
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skunkg1rll · 28 days
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i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((
#it's bc i saw that he#uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty#and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all#he said that he had me as his background#so now i feel so fkn sad#i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die#i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly#and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it#or even have a 'it' with me#hurts so bad#so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much#i wish i could go back and not do what i did#i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him#but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now#and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be#and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand#bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do#i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy#the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that#i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it#then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me#plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him#but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him#it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone#and it started w them wanting me back#who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding#that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die
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justablah56 · 2 months
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I'm literally going to explode and die I sent my best friend a playlist I have about her for valentines day because I love her , but now I'm listening to and being like whoooaaah man those songs are wayyyy too vulnerable why did you think this was a good idea what the fuck
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whynotimtired · 2 years
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The elmike break up scene paralleling robins coming out scene INCLUDING hopper at the end hearing them laugh and barging in bc the door was closed and they just laugh even harder
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termagax · 7 months
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kasey and aja are like. mom who is infinitely supportive and loving but emotionally distant and bearing up under the weight of her own baggage but she loves you so much so she teaches you how to punch good because this is what helped her and maybe it will help you. and it doesnt really but you cant be mad at her because she loves you so much shes trying so hard its the only way she knows how to be but it still kind of hurts. mom who was exactly as patient and kind and sweet and there as you needed her to be when you were six but now youre sixteen and she doesnt know what to do for this part because she never really fixed what broke inside of her when she was sixteen and shes so so scared youre going to break too and all she knows to tell you to do is meditate and thats so much not what you need rn. and you love her but its not enough and she loves you and its not enough. the relationship isnt ever broken it just floats apart and when you need someone you dont call her first anymore. and when shes worried about you she just stands by the door because she doesnt know what to say. do you get it.
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garlique · 5 months
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god oh my god this sucks so fucking much, i knew today would be the worst day so far but holy fucking shit i truly just wish i was fucking dead!!
#i have a job interview tomorrow and there was ONE THING that i needed to do this weekend to prepare for it#and we were both going through withdrawals so badly that i DIDNT FUCKING DO IT#im literally just so angry at myself and at everything else in the world and i've been so fucking mean to the cats today and i hate myself#about it#i dont even WANT to go to the fucking interview tomorrow i just want to kill myself and cry and die and fucking give up on it all#this sucks so fucking badly oh my fucking god and i would bet you all like 500 fucking dollars#that ethan relapses on it today while he's at work and comes home fucking STINKING and making it worse for me#YET AGAIN#oh my god im so fucking angry im so fucking angry i just wanna scream and punch and throw and smash#AND I JUST HAVE TO KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP INSIDE ME THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION NO FUCING OPTIONS NO CHOICES NOTHING#there will never be anything for me in this life and i dont know why i've been pretending otherwise#GOD it hasnt even been 72 hours yet can i please just be done#can i please find the first man who smoked tobacco and mass marketed it#AND FUCKING STRANGLE HIM TO DEATH????????????#im gonna kill and cry and die and hate my life my self my everything#ive just been crying so many fucking angry tears#like i'll be so angry and when it does come out it comes as tears and i personally???? hate that shit so much#makes me feel so fucking weak#fuck everybody fuck god fuck nice people fuck mean people fuck the normalizing of horrible drugs fuck addiction and fuck myself#just gotta keep telling myself i dont need it
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autisticlee · 6 months
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the idea of befriending animators and working along with them to pitch ideas or do other work while learning how the animation process works with personal hands-on learning experience by watching passionate friends work and letting me help, and even voice some characters (I've been interested in voice acting my whole life since it's a script and its easier than talking to people irl) is so appealing to me. but making friends is hard. autistic brain goes wrrrrrr. people go ew and back away. don't know how to meet creative people, befriend them, then convince them to let me work with them. most people make a art competition and think i'm trying to use them. or they reject me if they can't use ME. (because i'm a nobody without a following)
since I dont know all the reasons people reject me, ghost me, block me, ignore me, etc. all I can guess is it's because i'm autistic and it's any number of my social issues caused by it. and that really sucks that people will misjudge you, refuse to help, refuse to include you, and prevent you from going anywhere just for being autistic.......
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