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gretahayes · 1 year

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Favourite tim drake recs? :0

Assuming you mean fanfic recs, I've got probably the most for him and this is long, so it's going under the cut;

This is genuinely one of my favorites, it's set post-Red Robin, and deals with Tim's vigilante stalking habits, his family finding out, Cass realizing there's no photos of Tim, them setting out to take/find some of him (a much harder feat than you'd think) and finally, Tim seeing the photos. It's amazing and sweet, and I can't recommend it enough. (I especially like the Bruce & Tim and Tim & Damian in this)

This is by the same author, also set post-Red Robin. This is Damian and Tim focused, Damian POV, in which Damian sees Bruce's contingency plans for him and the rest of the family, and with nobody else to turn to, runs for Tim. Canon divergent in the way Bruce doesn't have a contingency for his children, neither does Tim for his team, or them for him, but it kinda makes sense in this setting. Their interactions are amazing here, and seems so real.

In this, Tim gets a tonsillectomy. An elaboration in the form of a long fic. A must-read, I feel. It's funny and has so many feels and such good characterization.

!!! Can't believe I almost forgot about this one! Tim is Bruce's assistant, not son, and never became a vigilante. He's incredibly overworked, but no less dedicated to the Waynes. It's heartwrenching and sweet and funny and—words can't do it justice. It's a must read. The Al Ghuls make a cameo but Tim knows how to deal with them. Tim's deeply sad but next to nobody knows and those that do just accept it (including him). Kon is the MVP. Cass. Damian and Tim have an odd bond built of mutual respect and disdain for everyone around them. Luthor tries to recruit Tim every year and fails.

This is funny and amazing—Tim lands in a universe where he's technically considered a drug addict, since coffee is a drug and in the regular universe everyone drinks it.

The YJ fic Ever. I've recced this at least three times, and I will continue to. It's amazing characterization all around—both YJ and batfam—and genuinely is so fun. I love everyone in this. When an unknown enemy threatens Robin, Gotham's vigilantes come together to keep him safe. Unfortunately, they're protecting the wrong Robin. Or: Tim Drake plans his own rescue. Things get complicated.

This is Tim & Damian—Tim gets his overprotective big brother moment :) love love LOVE the way everyone is written here.

This is short and hilarious—Tim has amnesia after a head wound (can only remember back to his YJ days) and tries to bullshit his way out of anyone noticing. He might have succeeded if not for Cass.

This is a time loop fic, switching POVs. Tim's stuck in a time loop in which Jason always dies. The loop before the one this was set in, he accidentally kills Damian out of stress and too-fast reflexes. He breaks down when he sees Damian again, the whole thing unravels, and they resolve to help him out of it.

THIS SERIES MAKES ME FERAL. Jack, Tim and sometimes Dana, set when Jack made Tim quit from Robin. Horror-type elements and beautifully poetic, but centered around Jack's POV of the son he realizes he doesn't know, and him realizing he may be a shit dad. Dana's the best stepmom ever, and Tim's far nicer to her than he is Jack. This is the first work, in which Jack tries and fails to understand this Tim, and realizes that this Tim is Robin, not Tim. This is the second (and last) work in the series, in which Tim hasn't fully quit the lifestyle even though he's not going out as Robin, but Jack has no proof he hasn't. Just a hunch and a few odd occurrences that us, the readers, who are familiar with Tim's hero life will find obvious, but Jack does not. Dana makes Tim happier, more Tim than Tim-Robin, than Jack does, and Jack hates it. Near the end, he starts calling Tim Robin, not Tim. I LOVE it. Even if you hate Jack (like I do) you need to read this, for the Tim characterization if nothing else. Outsider POV, except he shouldn't be an outsider. But he is.

This is so fucking funny. Tim gets a matching tattoo with Kon, and hides it from Bruce. When Bruce—and the rest of his family—find out, all goes to hell.

Remember when I said the Jack and Tim series was only slightly horror? This is horror. Bruce's got a habit of picking up monsters, and this one is about Tim. If you're sensitive to horror, please read the tags and maybe avoid it, because this is delightful but not for everyone.

In this, Tim becomes an unintentional sugar daddy to the caped community. It's a bit iffy in some places, but hilarious.

This is Dick and Tim (surprised it took me this long to rec one with them as the main focus tbh) and it's Dick checking up on his little brother. Pure fluff, and genuinely amazing.

This is Tim & Bruce but also Tim & Tam in some places. Bruce forgets Tim is the majority shareholder for WE and is thus invited to shareholder meetings, Tim finds this very amusing and is generally a menace. You can FEEL the teenager in this Tim. Amazing.

Tim's de-aged to a kid in this, and re-meets his family. Fluff and feels ensue.

This is Bruce and Tim. Bruce isn't prepared for his newest Robin's neuroses.

This has Tim & Cassie meeting at an archaeologist event as kids and having to fight a monster thing :) it's cute

GODDD this fic? This fic ruined me. Beautiful Tim characterization, a gorgeous look at Bruce and how much he fucks up despite caring, and Dick being a stressed but amazing big brother with gorgeous writing. I love their brotherly affections here, and Tim's weird neuroses being shown here. Tim & Bruce is how it starts, and it's very much centered around their relationship, but it tapers off into Dick & Tim, which I'm not complaining about. Kon (and Bart!) makes a cameo and is an amazing friend. Can't rec this enough. If you read none of the other fics, please read this one.

This is Dick and Tim again. Dick forces Tim to go undercover with him to an Elvis convention in a thinly veiled attempt to spend time with the brother who he doesn't think knows how much he loves him. It's set in Tim's POV, though, so until Dick says this, Tim doesn't know. Hilarious and short.

This is Dick and Tim (who's surprised? Nobody) where Dick goes to Robin!Tim's science fair because Tim mentioned it and well, nobody else was going. Short and sweet.

This deals with the batfam finding out about the shitshow that was Tim's BruceQuest. If you're a stickler for canon I'd recommend you skip this one, but if not, it's a great read.

This is Dick and Tim again, and it's amazing. Tim's alone on Christmas Eve. Dick finds out, and does something about it. It's Robin!Tim, so this is Dick, Babs and Tim. This author is amazing at writing their interactions, plus inside Dick's head is a tricky place to write and they nail it perfectly. Mostly Dick & Tim, but since he invites Tim to Babs' holiday party, Babs makes a good number of cameos.

This is Tim talking a jumper off the ledge while Damian watches. Then they talk about it. Tim from Damian's POV is always interesting, but this especially is amazing.

This is a core four fic, Tim's POV! Pure humor. Tim finds a dildo in the dishwasher and he drags them for a team meeting so he can sus out whose it is.

I've recced this before, I think, but I'll do it again. Red Robin canon divergence fic in which Bruce is actually dead, and Tim calls Dick to tell him he thinks he may have been wrong. Dick's POV, short, but the emotion in this is outstanding.

In this fic, Damian has trouble with the transition from Dick's Batman to Bruce's Batman. Tim, who's also had both, is surprisingly helpful. This has so many Tim and Damian feels that I'm literally bursting at the seams. Melancholy, camaraderie, and all the good stuff. Damian's POV, and since he sucks at so much as guessing at what's going on in Tim's head, it's all the more great.

This is Dick and Tim, a soft Christmastime fic.

This is Bruce and Tim. Bruce and Tim have a sort-of game that started when Tim was thirteen. Initially, it was Tim stealing sips (or occasionally whole mugs) of Bruce’s coffee, back when he was too young for Alfred to allow him to drink it. Now, though, Bruce is getting his own back, and steals Tim’s coffee when he can. Sweet and fluffy.

Here, Tim gets a headwound and only remembers back to his Robin days, and forgets to be awkward around Dick and Damian. Tugs at the heartstrings. Dick's reminded of how much he misses this Tim.

This is really funny. Remember that time during the YJ days where the adult heroes were de-aged and the kid ones grew to be adults? Tim didn't reach six foot. In this, he's mocked ruthlessly for it.

Here, Tim goes to high school again after dropping out :) it's core four and hilarious

In this, Tim accidentally kills his dad in self defense—or rather, thinks he does, Jack's still alive but he doesn't know that until Dick shows up—and scrambles to call Dick. He calls Jason instead. Dick eventually gets called and shows up, and the brotherly feels in this are amazing. Tim's in shock for a good portion of it, and it's his POV, so you've got to piece some stuff together. Bad dad Jack, as in worse than canon bad dad Jack. Tugs on the heartstrings, and have I said I love Dick in this? Because I do. Bruce shows up near the end, and to everyone's surprise, doesn't absolutely fuck things up and/or fail as a parent.

Here, Tim is sick and alone. Dick, after not hearing from Tim at all for three days, goes to his apartment, finds him sick, and takes care of him. Eventually he gets dragged to the Manor for some actual r&r. It's sweet, and this writer has an amazing way with words and an intriguing flow.

In this, Bruce knows Tim. They have a routine, have habits, they know each other. This is so so touching, and I love it so much.

Here, Tim and Steph give Bruce a headache. It's amazing.

I..can't even begin to describe this. Bruce is fresh from the timeline, and this is a sort of introspection/character study type thing about him and Tim and how Tim's changed. Mostly, though? Mostly, Bruce just gives his son a hug.

Here, Kon is Tim's work husband. Bruce suffers. Pure fluff and humor, with a touch of feels.

Here, Bruce takes Tim to get his wisdom teeth out. They're both worried, but together, they're alright. Tim cries while doped up on the drugs. He cries a lot.

Here, 90's!Tim Drake wakes up in his Red Robin body. Exhausted from a YJ mission, he chooses to focus on getting through a normal day so as not to disrupt things for his future self. But, y'know, his way. Hilarious and so in-character, if exaggerated for comedy.

This is Tim and Damian—Damian gets hit with truth serum on patrol, and a pissed off Tim has to come and get him. Damian resolves to not tell Tim he's been hit with truth serum. They get closer as a result. Love their dynamic in this.

This is core four again, but just general teenager superhero chaos. Can't rec it enough

Here, Tim tries to build a LEGO Gotham, but his family just can't leave it—or him—alone. He calls a family meeting to tell them to knock it off, and they do not. Fluff and humor.

Here, Tim has appendicitis and gets his appendix removed. The best mix of fluff, feels, and good old complicated family dynamics ever

In this, Bruce tries to navigate giving affection to his odd son, Tim. Touching and funny.

This is Tim and Damian—Damian crashes on Tim's bed in the Watchtower when injured, Tim finds him. They talk, and maybe bond a bit, even though they'd never admit it.

Here, Bruce hugs Tim. Really nothing else to it.

Another fic where Tim wakes up with amnesia and pretends to know his family so he's not rude. He's found out when he correctly deduces Bruce is his dad, but makes the mistake of calling Bruce dad.

This is Dick and Tim again. Tim gets de-aged into a six-month-old, and Dick takes care of him. Soft and so so sweet.

In this, Tim's trying to work in his apartment when his siblings keep showing up to distract him and get him to take a break. It's sweet of them, if very annoying.

This is Bruce and Tim. Tim's injured and lying in bed, Bruce gets him takeout. Feels fuzzy and just...good. You've got to read it to know what I'm talking about, no summary does it justice.

Here, Damian tries to make amends with Tim. He does it very oddly though, so Tim thinks he has a crush on him, and avoids him all the more for it because ew-gross-ew-ew.

In this, Tim gets his teeth knocked out and grabs Dick as a mediator so he tells Bruce. Short and funny-sweet. You can tell this is in Tim's Robin run, due to all the little hints dropped.

This is Tim and Kon, funny and nonsensical. Tim calls Kon in the early hours of the morning, drunk. Kon thinks he deserves sainthood for this.

In this, Tim has road rage and most of his family find that out in the most hilarious way possible.

Bruce and Tim—a test sort of fic? Interesting, definitely.

This is timkon, Tim has memory loss and is amazed by Kon all over again.

Core four go to a gala :)

This is Dick and Tim, Tim breaks into Dick's house, accidentally interrupts his nap, tries to leave out of guilt, and gets wrangled into hugs. So so soft and so so sweet.

Another de-aged Tim fic, but this time with six year old Tim and Bruce taking care of him. This is so melancholy and...ugh. I love them.

Here, Tim and Dick are thrown into an alternate universe and have to try and get back with no other support system and no way out. They meet this world's version of Bruce and Alfred, though.

CEO Tim, and hates it. He makes that Luthor's problem.

Timkon, in which Tim plans all his dates VIA corkboard and Kon is so attracted to that.

CEO Tim (again), except he's still a teenager and people end up thinking he's a communist. This is short and hilarious all the way through. Also, Bruce is there.

This is The kid!Tim fic ever. Tim, having found a weird hole after a storm, decides to go exploring ignoring the fact that This Is Gotham and They Probably Have Cursed Stuff Down There.Luckily, it was just a cave system that spans the entire Gotham underground. Unluckily, Tim is a very curious child. Tim's a sorta eldritch being at the end?? Amazing, 100 would recommend.

In this, Tim finds out he isn't his parents' biological son. This changes everything. This changes nothing. Can't say anything else without spoiling, but I can't rec it enough.

In this fic, Bruce is back in time in Drake Manor, and meets baby Tim. It's like you're frozen in time, and all that matters is Bruce and his infant not-yet-son.

Here, Kon and Tim date. Tim's a cryptid stalker that refuses to be photographed, Dick is a big brother that loves his little brother, and it's cute.

Sorry it took me so long to compile this list anon, happy reading!

#asks #anon #tim drake #fic rec #god this is. a lot #took me a while to compile

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cairoswrld · 2 months

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everyone keeps saying "just know it is yours" how do you just KNOW, like you know its not there sooo isnt that just being delusional?

"Faith is self-confidence. Faith is not optimism. Faith is not wishing. Faith is knowing the unspoken secret of the universe. Faith is that assured awareness and knowledge that whatever your fulfilled desires are here, existing within the unseen domain, now you must live as though you are already possessed of them." — Neville Goddard.

one thing about the law of assumption, manifesting all of that, is that you’re always doing it. - you’re always persisting in some sort of belief, you’re always assuming things before they even happen. it’s never delusional when you sit there and think "oh no what if he doesn’t like me" "oh no what if it doesn’t work out" "ugh he hates me" "oh he’s probably going to find someone else" and then two weeks later, he cheats and leaves. but when someone wants to now sit there and think "ykw im going to be a billionaire one day" and everyone around them is like "oh you’re crazy"

you’re right anon, it can feel a little delusional just telling yourself that "for certain this thing will happen, big or small" but a lot of people were delusional and crazy until shit manifested and everyone goes "omg how do they do that ??"

i used to watch a lot of celebrity interviews, and so many of them swear by manifestation, by believing that you can do something, by scripting, by affirming etc etc. - a good example is Marilyn Monroe. - she was overlooked so she manifested beauty, and now to this day we still speak of her as a symbol of beauty.

people have so much faith in it not working in their favour but can’t turn that faith into it working for them. - read success stories. and you’ll notice how beautiful the law is and how simple it really is.

honestly when you start applying the law, it starts to make so much more sense than when you’re reading it. like even for me, when i approached it i was like "ykw imma just try what these people say and see what happens" and it works. there’s so much content for you to learn from, i made a post literally yesterday to navigate the process of trusting your imagination over your physical circumstances, you don’t have to walk far to find an answer to a question if my response isn’t adequate yk? and then just apply and watch what happens in your life.

law of assumption has a lot to do with faith. in yourself, in the universe whatever it is. and the way you build faith is by applying it practices.

if not faith, definitely hope. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with fully hoping for better, for the best case scenario yk?

resources:

hopefully these answer your question neh:

imagination. - i made this yesterday, it basically speaks on how to trust your imagination over your physical world to help with that knowing

3D validation. - short post about using self concept to build up faith within, seek validation that you have it within; so that you can achieve that knowing feeling

negativity. - how to deal with thoughts and beliefs that don’t support your manifestations, talks about dealing with things that "block" you from that knowing feeling

delusion. - how the law will always work, regardless of whether you believe in it or not. the law will always support what you assume and believe.

persisting. - you’re always in a knowing state of something, whether you know it’s not working so it appears that way or that you know it is and it appears that way 🤷‍♀️

wish fulfilled. - how to achieve that knowing feeling.

i hope this answers your question anon, if in doubt after all of this. go search up "how to persist", and whatever they say whether you believe it yet or not, APPLY. just apply it and see what happens.

(persisting is continuing that knowing feeling despite 3D circumstances that’s why i say look that up specifically)

#a nonie #cairoswrld #loassblog #loassumption #loa #loablog #manifestation #persisting #the wish fulfilled #imagination

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agentrouka-blog · 1 month

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Dany fan here: I think other Dany fans think Jonsas are over the top with Dany hate because of pol!Jon. I follow many Jonsas because I’m perfectly fine with Jonsa. It’s not for me but I see the vision. That said I’m a bit of an unusual Dany fan in the sense that I’m a big fan of the Meereenese Knot essays and think the interpretation of Dany presented there is pretty spot on. I personally think Dany has a good heart but that circumstance and experience and terrible coping mechanisms have led her to act in villainous ways and whether or not a character is a villain is determined by their actions regardless of whatever goodness is in their heart. But anyway I do not like the pol!Jon theory. I think it’s out of character for Jon and needlessly cruel to Dany. I think it’s possible that he ultimately kills her and that could be fine and I don’t reject that theory, but I think the idea of Jon deceiving and sexually abusing Dany and then killing her for the sake of Sansa is what Dany fans think of when they think of over the top hate because they assume every Jonsa shipper also believes in pol!Jon.

I do understand why people thought Jon was deceiving Dany in the show though because their relationship was just so poorly executed and Kit and Emilia had no chemistry on screen. Imagine fucking up your show’s romance so badly that people think the script confirming that the love was mutual must have been tampered with.

Hi there!

(I think Dany is a compelling tragic villain, and it's lovely seeing someone loving her for it!)

I do think that pol!Jon (under duress, esentially) is a not unreasonable theory that grew out of the way the show presented their relationship. If there was sexual abuse I think it's fair to say it was in the hands of the more powerful party, though.

That said, I don't see it happening that way in the books at all and I think all characters will be better off for it. I agree it wouldn't feel right.

Certainly not in a punitive "you thought he would love you but he really loves Sansa, now die!!!" way. That cheapens jonsa as much as it cheapens the complexity of the conflict between Dany and Jon.

It's just a deeply uninteresting way to explore their existing conflict or their respective strengths. Not to be a hater but it's not exactly riveting literature watching Dany be manipulated by Daario and it's unlikely to be more so in a repeat performance with Jon who isn't even her type. Same as watching Jon go through a repeat of the abusive Ygritte plotline would be less than compelling.

We'll have instances of romantic manipulation. Littlefinger is practically begging Sansa to use his own obsession against him, and Arya gives us a preview when she lures Raff to his death wearing "Mercy's" face. That's been set up since the first book, and it works as a satisfying response to the way everyone has been telling Sansa how weak and simple she is. It's very personal, very steeped in their respective histories, very poetic.

But for Jon and Dany I think we can expect something more universal and even-handed than that. They are both at varying points manipulative and earnest, highly clever or unexpectly outmaneuvered. And neither will be in this conflict all alone and without advice. Not to mention, we have both of their POVs and watching one just miss all the clues of the other manipulating them would be flat. This only ever works with one POV withheld. The show tried that with Jon Snow live on the screen, to disastrous results. No way is that GRRM's plan.

I'd rather watch two clever adversaries play a big game of chess. And given GRRM's love for that game, I am certain it's also what he would prefer to write.

#anti jonerys #jon snow #anti daenerys targaryen #<- for filtering #jonsa #rouka ask

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olderthannetfic · 11 months

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I've been thinking about what exactly it is I hate so much about this new round of fandom-as-activism, even though I'm a Black person, and I think it's the same reason why I avoid online book circles--doubly so, if they mostly push YA. There is this constant use of passive voice that assumes the speaker is helpless and completely without agency, as though the act of reading a book, playing a game, or watching a movie/show is the same as an attack on one's person if you don't like the media. "This game depicts a route wherein one of the love interests is a stalker!" Okay, turn off the game. "This BL manhwa depicts a stalker and a serial killer/misogynist being in a toxic, maladaptive relationship! It's not a romance! The fans are sick, evil people" Okay, this manhwa isn't the first of its kind, nor will it be the last. There's dark romance that's M/F, M/M/, and F/F., and they're extremely popular. You clearly don't like it. Stop reading. "This danmei shows the two main characters as awful people who abuse and lie to each other over and over again! How could people like this?!" Yes, that's why the core fanbase likes it. Stop reading it since it's not your thing. "This YA novel has a love triangle with an older, toxic ML who is controlling to the main character and seemingly forces himself on her! Inappropriate and pedophilia!" Ravishment fantasies are extremely common across races, ethnicities, nationalities, genders, and sexualities. Young people should have ways to engage with their sexualities without harm from the real world and older people. Stop reading it. "This fanfiction depicts instances of racism that I don't like! It's harassment!" It's not harassment, and it's not mainstream media that's everywhere. You have to go out of your way to read it. Just stop reading it. "This HBO show and its predecessor shows incestuous relationships, the most popular being an uncle-niece relationship! They're promoting incest." It's just a story. incest is common in monarch/noble-centered stories to symbolize the decay or decline of said family or noble class, as well as being common practice in real life nobles because of blood purity. You clearly don't like it. Just stop watching.

A book, fanfiction, movie, show, manga/hwa/hua is just a text, of sorts. It is an object. It cannot perform action. It cannot hurt anyone (unless we're talking about propaganda, which is something different). Everyone engages with and interprets a story differently because we all have individual experiences that we bring with us that results in specific dislikes or triggers. Engaging with media is not the equivalent of someone hitting you in the head with a sledgehammer because that will universally hurt. Someone being offended by a book or show is not universal because of the previous explanation. I'm not sure if these people actually like these things but want to prove their moral purity, so they complain and attack or whatever other reason. It always just comes across as extremely performative, unnecessary, childish, and American (pejorative). They act as though the world is constantly testing them with temptation via media, and they must pursue the path of penance and flagellation or risk going to hell. Grow up. This is so embarrassing.

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emepe · 1 month

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— Pairing: Eren x Reader, friends to lovers

— General info: series, 18+, modern AU, serial killer AU, smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

— Summary: Fate is a tricky thing. Certain situations can’t be avoided as much as certain people’s lives can’t be kept from intertwining. With a serial killer on the loose, and unexpected relationships blooming, how will the universe intervene?

— Chapter summary: A journal entry. Meanwhile, Armin does what he can to help Eren out.

— Content warnings: mentions of murder and torture of a woman, misogyny.

— Notes: Hello, hello! Thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged chapter 1 of this series. I really appreciate it <3 Happy reading, bubs!

Links: Read on AO3 | Chapter guide | Masterlist

just friends

September 8, 2024

There’s nothing I hate more than arrogant women. That’s why I had to kill her.

All I wanted was for her to smile at me. She wouldn’t. I filled her room with all her favorite things and even loosened her handcuffs. But she was so fucking hard-headed it drove me crazy. The little bitch even dared to spit at me. I had to teach her a lesson. I had to let out my anger somehow.

For a while, it was exciting to watch her writhe in pain. I can’t even begin to describe how thrilling it is to see how much a human can tolerate until they break. I told her it was compensation for the look she gave me the day we met. She kept lying and saying she didn’t even remember having bumped into me on the street.

I really wish she could’ve bounced back this time. I’m so lonely without her now. I miss her.

Humans are social by nature, it's what all the books say. When one is young, we need protection and love from our caregivers. As we grow, our world gradually expands and we bond with other people — friends from school, teachers, neighbors, coworkers. If one must stick to tradition, there's bound to be a romantic relationship to develop at some point. But for some people, that imposed path doesn't come naturally. Or rather, there have been blockages throughout the years that resulted in stunted social growth.

That's where you find yourself. It's not your fault. When one grows up forced to believe she's nothing but a burden, it's only natural to try to take up as little space as possible. But again, it's not your fault. One doesn't acquire those thoughts on their own.

You ruined my life!

As much as wellness and self-help gurus will preach there's a place in the world for everyone, self-awareness keeps you from blinding yourself toward the baggage you carry. It wouldn't be fair to lay that on anyone else.

So you've shrunk yourself. No making yourself seen, no making yourself heard. No talking outside of what is strictly necessary to survive. No inserting yourself into other's lives. For the most part, it's worked. Albeit, you've been deemed unlikable, weird, and rude. It's better this way. There's no use in putting yourself out there if there's so much to feel ashamed of. It's too much to trouble others with your pitiful self.

Who in the world would want to put up with you?

After the usual snarky murmurs and judgmental glances, you're rarely acknowledged save for when someone — usually a man — tries to “take a crack” at you and the whispers float in the air for another while. Other than that, you're at peace with yourself. You're almost convinced you've developed invisibility powers.

That is until Armin came along. At first, you sighed at the prospect of going over your routine yet again. Cementing boundaries and erasing any hope that it just takes the right guy to “loosen you up”. It was disgusting to have your quietness be misinterpreted for arrogance by the men at work. Even if that were the case, who was anybody to assume you needed to be knocked down a peg through sexual advances?

But Armin proved himself to be different. He tore away at your skepticism by simply being kind with no ulterior motives. Men can be so stupid. They'll believe a girl can't pick up when they're being slimy. It must've shocked them when you started having lunch with Armin more frequently.

It was thanks to him that you slowly expanded your world's limits. It was because of him that you began to question the voice that rang in your ears. After receiving the housewarming party invitation, you wondered whether to step forward or back. There was no denying Armin's expansion had awoken something in you. You wanted company — craved it — but you didn't want to risk bringing trouble into the group. What if Armin was an anomaly and the things that echoed in your head were true? Maybe Armin wasn't an anomaly at all, he just didn't know enough about you. You certainly didn't let him in enough.

In the end, your heart overruled your brain. You wanted more. With a hopeful heart, you went to the party.

A heavy sigh slips past your lips as you pick at your dinner on Sunday night. Your hair is still damp from the shower and it rests uncomfortably along your neck. Your phone lies next to your plate, buzzing every few seconds to match the texts that come into the group chat — arrangements are taking place for the next get-together with Armin and his friends.

After your moment of realization on the balcony, you faked a yawn and went back inside to pretend to fall asleep.

This morning, you avoided being alone with Eren. Not out of fear of something happening, but you needed to sort out your feelings on the situation.

There's no denying Eren is an attractive man — but that doesn't faze you.

Catching Eren's eye wasn't something you planned. Your world suddenly expanded outside of your will — out of your control. You're not annoyed, just overwhelmed.

Being the center of someone's attention means more expectations, more to live up to — he has no idea you're not the kind of girl he needs. Nobody needs someone who's a burden. It's not as if you're open to reciprocating any special attention, anyway.

If history has taught you anything, it’s that love isn't in the cards for you. It's best not to entertain any silly ideas.

Friendships are tricky, but no more than romance — or whatever crossed Eren's mind each time he looked at you. Keeping to oneself is easier than either one. But with the latter idea being too late to return to, you'll have to nip this problem in the bud.

The few hours before lunchtime seem to drag slower every Monday. Given that sparing time to eat was nothing but another task to check off your to-do list, you never used to pay much attention to the clock. But since Armin, lunchtime means more than bringing food to your mouth, methodically stretching your pace to fit the length of your lunch break.

Now it means meeting with a friend, having someone fill in the silence with tales from the accounting department, and occasionally going on quick drives to Kuchel.

So when you venture off to his cubicle, only for him to tell you he's swamped with work and won't have lunch until later, you're mildly disappointed. You don't let it show. After all, work trumps your trivial need for company.

So you wish him good luck and return to your desk. Without any conversation to fill in the minutes, you finish your food fairly quickly. When you glance at the time on your phone, barely fifteen minutes have passed. Your fingers tap rhythmically against your desk before you decidedly stand, grab your bag, and head for the elevator.

The coffee shop on the corner of the street has been your go-to spot since you started working here. You've been there alone and with Armin. It's where your feet take you on the rare occasions when Armin is too busy. There's nothing wrong with the in-house coffee kiosk from your office building, but you find more comfort in being surrounded by strangers who keep to themselves than bumping into someone who doesn't like you.

The early September days serve as a transition into cooler temperatures. A light breeze has added to the warmth leftover from summer. The leaves have yet to develop a clear change in color, but some yellow streaks are popping up here and there. The beginning of autumn pushes you toward all things cozy. By the time you reach the shop, you've got your heart set on having a warm cup of cinnamon tea.

You settle at a table, place your order, grab a book from your bag, and wait. Before you can reach the second paragraph of your read, a shadow casts over your left side, forcing you to look up in confusion. It's too soon for your tea to be ready.

You're met with striking green eyes and plump lips that pronounce a bashful hi.

It's a strange coincidence. You wish you could say you've never seen him around here before, but you've never bothered to commit any face to memory if it's not necessary.

“Eren, hi.”

The tint on his cheeks you remember so well from two nights ago resurfaces. A nervous swallow pulls at your throat. You never did map out a plan — then again, you weren't expecting to see him again so soon.

“I wasn't sure if it was you. Are you here with someone?” he asks, taking a second to look around the shop.

You shake your head.

“No. Armin's busy so I came here alone,” you explain.

He nods, rocking his weight on his heels. A question seems to linger on the tip of his tongue as his gaze flits between you and the floor. It takes him a moment for him to find his voice, though. In spite of yourself, you have to admit it's actually a bit endearing. It's different. It's refreshing.

“Is it okay if I sit with you?” His eyes are overflowing with hope.

You nod. He sits. The book in your hands is put away.

For a while last night, you debated the validity of your theory. Maybe Eren wasn't interested in you in the way you thought. After all, it was your first time meeting and he might’ve been nervous. You know enough about the way you present yourself to acknowledge you're not the most approachable person. Maybe all he needs is time to get used to you.

“Do you want to order something?” You ask, prepared to wave over a server. He stops you with a dismissive hand.

“It's okay, I already had some tea.”

Your eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Not a coffee guy?”

He shakes his head, sputtering a nervous chuckle.

“Not really. I don't like bitter things.” His nose scrunches as if he can savor it on his tongue.

A server brings over your tea along with a small tray of additives. You thank them before returning to Eren's statement.

“You can always add sugar,” you point out with a shrug.

He shakes his head again. This time you're relieved to find a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“Nothing can beat tea with honey.”

Your hand pauses mid-air on its way to pick up the wooden wand half lost in a jar of golden syrup.

You hum in thought as you reach for the sugar spoon instead.

“Really?”

“Yeah. That's how my mom made it for me when I was little. I'd get a stomachache or a cold and it was the first thing she'd make for me. I feel like a kid each time I drink it. It makes me think of her.”

The corners of his lips tug into a smile. You find yourself mirroring his expression as you look down at your hand stirring the sugar into your tea.

“Your mom sounds nice,” you murmur.

“Oh, she's the best. I love her.”

Eren's shoulders relax. He feels at ease talking about his mom. He feels even better knowing he's successfully carrying out a casual conversation with you. In the light of day, everything is less scary. There's less to worry about. That carefree feeling blankets over everything. Suddenly, the motive he walked into this coffee shop for seems doable.

Then a sinking feeling comes over his stomach.

“Sorry.” The word bounces off his tongue without thinking.

“What for?”

He doesn't want to say it, but he hopes his apologetic gaze is enough to convey an explanation.

Your eyebrows shoot up in realization at his hesitance. Then they furrow as you press your lips into a fine line and shake your head dismissively.

“Oh, that.”

The recall of Saturday night when you drunkenly talked about your mom causes your cheeks to flare with heat.

Guilt settles in Eren's stomach. He didn't mean to bring up his mom. He also didn't mean to be so quick to apologize. It just made things worse now that you know he's tiptoeing around you. That's probably the last thing you want — to feel purposely pitied.

Flustered, he rummages through his brain for a solution — a way to get back on the track he was on.

You fix your gaze on him. It's obvious he feels troubled. It's a foreign experience having someone worry so much about if they've caused you any harm. You're unsure of what feelings to associate with it other than guilt. He's not at fault for your crappy family life.

“So you and your mom are close?” you ask.

The crease in his forehead smoothes over.

When he shyly reconnects with your gaze, your eyebrows raise ever so slightly in encouragement. The movement is so subtle it's hard not to miss — but not for Eren, who takes in every detail of your face with so much care. For Eren, the small shifts in your features are so interesting to look at. You express so much with so little. And yet there were times when you would accentuate your expressions as much as you could. What you held back vocally was compensated tenfold through your face. It's fascinating to him.

“Yeah.”

His voice is soft — a trace of his withering embarrassment.

“She's my best friend,” he adds with a little more confidence.

You take a sip of tea. The drink warms your stomach, mirroring that of your chest elicited by Eren's words. The fondness in his voice taints him with a childlike innocence.

Eren Jaeger isn't worried about looking cool. He's honest and clumsy. It's charming.

A light shake of your head keeps your thoughts from drifting further.

“So not a coffee guy but a mama's boy, for sure. Got it.” You nod along with an overly serious expression painted on your face.

He laughs, the sinking feeling in his stomach now dissolving into nothing. Had he not been on the receiving end of your bluntly spoken teasing the other night, he might not have laughed so easily.

A blush spreads across his cheeks.

“Come on, don't tease me,” he mumbles.

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Eren falls back into his previously relaxed state.

The conversation continues to flow in between every sip of your tea.

“Do you come here often?” you ask as you prepare to take another sip.

Your eyes are locked on his. He struggles with the intense eye contact. At least, it's intense on his end.

“Not really. Armin mentioned it to me so I thought I'd try it out.”

The pads of his fingers drum a nervous beat on the table.

You nod, relieved. You'd feel silly if it had turned out he was a frequent customer and your disregard of the people surrounding you kept you from noticing him. It would've piled onto your embarrassment from the Kuchel incident.

“Ah, so are you on your lunch break, too? Do you work around here?”

“Um, kind of. I do media production and marketing for a museum, but I do a lot of hours at home. My place is just a few minutes by car.”

“That's so cool.”

The amazement in your voice in addition to its sudden turn up in volume is enough to make him blush.

“It's nothing special. I'm definitely not raking in the big bucks like Jean.”

“Still, it's cool. It's a lot more interesting than being an office manager.”

Your eyebrows scrunch together with newborn disdain for your job before you finish the remainder of your tea.

“Well, I can't argue there,” he says, imitating the sliver of bitterness in your voice.

You gasp in mock hurt.

“Hey, only I can say it.” Your tone is serious, but he knows you're joking. He can tell by the twinkle of amusement in your eyes.

He laughs.

“How long until you have to get back to work?”

You peek at the clock on the wall across the room.

“I still have some time. It's a short walk back, anyway.”

Despite your wording, your answer triggers his nervous antics. You're bound to part ways eventually and he swore to himself he would get the words out. He runs a hand through his hair to distract himself from the anxious flutter in his stomach.

It's no big deal, he thinks. She's just a girl.

He regrets not ordering something else when you asked him. It would give his hands something to do. Then again, he can't keep them from shaking as he gathers the courage to pronounce his next thought. So it's better he doesn't have any breakables in his hold.

He pronounces your name carefully. His heart skips a beat when your eyes meet his. It's strange to think that you hold so much power over him within just a couple of days since meeting. He wants to get closer — he needs to. Again, that feeling of wanting this moment with you to stretch farther squeezes at his chest.

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Just the two of us?”

He can feel himself growing numb to his surroundings as he awaits your response. It's similar to the feeling he gets after stepping foot off a rollercoaster. The adrenaline is pumping furiously through his veins while his mind goes blank. It's a weird moment of chaos and bliss all at once.

You clear your throat.

“So… a date?”

He swallows thickly and nods.

He watches you contemplate his proposal. Your lips are pressed in a fine line, your gaze low and brow furrowed.

It's too much to hope you're equally attracted to him — he's aware. But he hopes you like his company just enough to say yes. Or at the very least, you're curious to know more.

Your mind is in conflict. This is more than you've bargained for. All you wanted was to get along with Armin's friends.

“I'm sorry, Eren. No.”

He instantly deflates to your firm tone.

“It's nothing personal,” you explain. “You're a really nice guy. Really. But I'm not interested in dating… at all.” You sigh, dreading the pending words on your tongue. “And I don't really see you that way. I just want to be friends.”

He remains quiet, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he processes your words.

The situation is uncomfortable for you, but his defeated form weighs heavier on your heart. He looks so small. It's definitely worse for him.

“Eren?”

Your voice grounds him.

“Sorry, I really spaced out there,” he nervously laughs. “Friends, though. Yeah, friends is good. Friends is perfect, actually.”

The word leaves a bitter taste on his tongue each time. He can pat himself on the back for shooting his shot later but, for now, his senses have been blurred by the disappointment of being turned down.

“I really like talking to you, Eren. Really.”

Your attempt to lighten the defeat on his shoulders works — a little. It's a relief you're not entirely opposed to having him around, at least. Eren finds comfort in that. Maybe it'll suffice while he fights away at his attraction.

“I like talking to you, too.” His voice carries a tint of helplessness.

Your eyes soften.

“I should get going.”

You pull out a fresh bill from your purse and place it under the empty teacup before standing.

He stands with you and holds the door open. It's not until you're both out on the sidewalk, bidding each other goodbye, that he forces a smile.

“I'll see you around.”

“Bye, Eren.”

“Sorry I couldn't make it to lunch,” Armin says. He leans against the edge of your desk with his hands in his pockets.

It's been an hour since you got back, and you've been typing away, replying to emails.

You shrug, tossing a small reassuring smile his way before focusing back on your computer screen.

“It's fine. I wasn't alone this time.”

He perks up.

“Really?”

You hum in affirmation.

“I went out for tea and bumped into your friend Eren.”

Armin's jaw falls open.

“Huh. Well, what do you know? That's a crazy coincidence.”

There's something suspicious about Armin's theatrical tone, but you're too engrossed in going over your email for typos to notice. You only manage to murmur a simple uh-huh.

“What'd you talk about?”

You send off your email with a satisfied click and look up at Armin as you lean back in your chair.

“Just this and that,” you reply nonchalantly.

His lips press into a dissatisfied line.

“Well, what do you think of him?” His eyes light up expectantly.

“He's…” You lose yourself in thought for a moment. Images of blushing cheeks, boyish smiles, and shimmering green eyes flash through your memory. You remember the honey and his simple confessions. “... like a little kid.”

Armin's face bears a mix of confusion and amusement.

“What do you mean by that?”

A soft pensive hum vibrates through your throat.

“Dorky,” you reply firmly.

Armin snorts, readying himself to come to Eren's defense, but you continue.

“He's… honest, like a little kid would be. And he's a little clumsy with his words but it's… Kind of endearing. He's a sweet guy.”

Armin nods along, his face serious. Finally, he smiles.

“Sounds like you had a nice talk, then.”

Date proposal aside, your moment with Eren was enjoyable. Even taking your rejection into account, you didn't sense any resentment directed at you and that just further proved your pure perception of him.

It's not the first time you've been asked out. It's certainly not the first time you've said no — that's always been your response, albeit for different reasons. A few guys in the office have tried getting closer to you but, even if you were open to dating, you can always tell it's nothing genuine from their approach. Their overly kind performance just makes it easier for you to decline. Once that's been done, their creepy narcissistic truths come to light — you're stoned with sexist slurs and disgusted looks. It'd hurt more if you were still the kind of person who craves approval from the wrong people.

There's a clear difference between them and Eren. So even though you rejected him, you still wish to be close as friends. He's a nice person to know.

“I did,” you tell Armin.

There's a shimmer in your eyes he manages to catch. Your features are soft and serene as you prop your chin on one hand while you mindlessly scroll through your emails with the other. Your lips are shaped into a discreet smile. Like a kid.

On his way back to his cubicle on the opposite end of the floor, Armin hums a cheerful tune to himself. There's a proud bounce in every step he takes.

“Armin, check your phone. It was buzzing like crazy a few minutes ago,” a female coworker says in passing before grabbing a manila folder from her desk and rushing off to a meeting room across the hall.

“Thanks, Mina!” he calls after her.

Armin taps the missed call notification on his screen and brings the phone to his ear, grinning expectantly.

“You suck,” Eren's voice comes through the speaker after the first ring.

“Woah, woah, woah. What did I do?” Armin laughs as he steps out onto the empty smoker's balcony.

There’s a groan on the other end.

“What do you think? I crashed and burned.”

Armin’s face contorts in confusion. From what he could gather on your end, the coffee shop incident went well. You were smiling, and although the things you said about Eren didn’t seem like it, you meant them fondly — Armin knew you well enough to confidently confirm that. At the very least, it meant you weren’t completely repulsed by his company. Even if there are different sides to every story, the discrepancies shouldn’t be anything major.

“What are you talking about?” Armin sighs.

Another groan on Eren’s end. If Armin wasn’t so patient, he would’ve hung up.

He really is like a little kid, he thinks.

“I asked her out and she said no.”

Armin’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. How could you keep that part out of the conversation you had earlier?

His shock doesn’t stem from your rejection, but rather because of Eren’s unexpected bravery. Although Eren was tough on the playground when they were kids, he grew up to be a fairly meek guy. When it comes to a girl he likes, he’s never been the bold type. Armin found it a bit strange at times. Eren’s had a track record of being popular among women, so his confidence should be over the roof and his personality, unbearable. But if he’s honest, it’s a good thing he doesn’t pay much attention to those things. It’s easier to root for a friend who only acts on more honest feelings. Even if that confidence didn’t stick with him.

“This is all your fault, Armin. So much for having my back.”

Even through the phone, Armin can tell his best friend is pouting. He has to hold back from rolling his eyes — it feels deceitful to do it behind his back when he has to play the role of a sympathetic friend right now.

He rubs at his nape, unsure of whether he should feel proud of Eren for making a move or apologetic for not contemplating what seemed like a far-fetched risk.

“To be fair, buddy, I didn’t send you over there to ask her out. I just thought you would like the chance to talk to her and get to know her a little better.”

“You couldn’t tell me that before? I don’t think I can ever face her again!” Eren half-yells.

Of course, Eren chooses to focus on the negatives. Armin cherry-picks the situations he meddles in. Even if it’ll serve as a confident boost to reveal to Eren what you said about him and how you said it, it could do him some good to bounce back on his own — and learn to pace himself.

“First off, you have to relax an—”

“I can’t.” Eren’s voice is reduced to an embarrassed murmur. “She makes me nervous. I can’t help myself.”

There’s a long moment of silence.

It’s been obvious from the start that Eren is attracted to you, but the near confession pulls at Armin’s heartstrings. It’s times like this when he’s reminded how cute Eren can be.

“That bad, huh?” Armin smiles down at the people walking on the street.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in love with her or anything but…”

There's a long pause on Eren's side, only disturbed by some light rustling as he moves his phone around.

“... I like looking at her… and I like hearing her talk. Do you ever notice how soft her voice is? There’s just something about it… There’s this thing with her eyes, too, it’s crazy.”

“Well, as long as you’re not falling in love with her.”

Eren releases a third groan.

“Armin, please. I just want to get closer to her. And I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot each time we’re alone. I wish there was something I could do to make her like me.”

“I don’t think she dislikes you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“She said she doesn’t see me that way. She just wants to be friends.”

Eren’s desolation is seeping through the phone now.

“Maybe I jumped the gun by asking her out so quickly.”

When Armin suggested Eren find you at the coffee shop during your lunch break, he figured it would help him get used to you. So that when the time came, he could ask you out without being more anxious than he needed to be. Had everything gone accordingly, Eren wouldn’t be moping now and wondering what would have happened — if anything was meant to happen — if he had just given you a little more time.

“Maybe,” Armin echoes.

“Do you think I blew it?”

Armin shakes his head even though there’s no way for Eren to tell.

“I think you just got a little excited. You never know how she might feel later on.”

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I hardly think she’ll like me any better if I act like those guys who can’t take no for an answer. I should just try being her friend.”

Armin wants to beg him not to feel discouraged — that there’s a reason why he was so excited to introduce you to each other, and why he teased him at the housewarming party after he caught him blushing while doing the dishes with you.

It didn’t start that way but, the more he got to know you, the more he thought you and Eren would be good together.

Soft-spoken girl who keeps to herself meets the most dependable and kind-hearted boy.

Armin would be lying if he said he wasn’t swayed by the promised satisfaction of playing matchmaker in the fantasy playing out in his head. Not that he felt you absolutely needed to get together. But he could feel it in his gut. You and Eren could do each other a lot of good. He already knew Eren would feel a pull upon meeting you and, if there’s anything he gathered from both sides of the coffee shop incident, it’s that you like Eren enough to let him stick around. It was a good call on your end, though he may be biased.

If you happen to fall in love along the way, then so be it.

“You’re a good guy, Eren. Everything will turn out fine.”

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#snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot x reader #aot x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #eren x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger fanfiction

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666writingcafe · 30 days

Text

The Road to Becoming a Sorcerer

Beel

Something's wrong with MC. They're less talkative than normal, which is strange, because I thought they'd be asking Solomon all sorts of questions about our activity today.

You see, a couple days ago, Solomon reached out to Lucifer and me, asking us to accompany him and MC to the Sorcerer's Society headquarters so that MC can get their license and begin the process of becoming a proper sorcerer. I assumed that Solomon told MC about this.

He, in fact, did not, which I learned this morning. MC initially looked absolutely confused when Lucifer told them about our plans for today.

Perhaps they've gotten used to Solomon springing things on them and learned to simply roll with it. But I feel something is weighing on MC's mind. Something that they don't feel like sharing right now.

In any case, the four of us arrive at the headquarters with little incident. According to MC, the castle we're looking at normally looks like a typical office building, which means the sorcerers have implemented an illusion to prevent random people from entering it.

The moment we step inside, however, people begin whispering and pointing at us. Some glare at Solomon, still upset over incidents that occurred many years ago, long before MC was even a thought in the universe.

I've never understood grudges. Why devote energy towards hating someone when you can simply focus on something else instead?

Then again, that may just be a "me" thing. My brothers hold grudges towards people that they feel have wronged them.

Like Lucifer towards Solomon. If it weren't for the fact that he genuinely likes MC, he wouldn't be going along with any of this. Historically, he's dismissed Solomon's apprentices as nothing but trouble.

Apparently, so does the receptionist. If it weren't for MC politely saying please, I don't think he would have helped us at all.

They have a way of getting others to do what they want, but I don't think they realize fully what that means. They could very easily weaponize their ability and potentially start a war. Not that I think they would, but the possibility exists.

Everyone is attracted to MC's soul, and they would do anything to even be in its orbit, let alone get close enough to it to bask in its glory.

"You must keep mini Lucifer safe for one full day." Oh right. The test. Solomon also talked to us about that. Something about a game? I kinda tuned out at that point in the conversation. I was getting hungry.

"Something that I've never been able to do consistently is to take control of another person's power. The one time I was successful was with Asmo, and that was a complete accident."

I remember now. Solomon enlisted the help of our brothers to administer this test for MC. Asmo has the pact with Solomon, Satan and Belphie like pulling pranks on Lucifer, and Mammon and Levi can easily be bribed into doing anyone's bidding.

And since Lucifer is literally too small to do anything, that means I am MC's only ally for the duration of the test.

This is going to be interesting.

#obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me lucifer #obey me solomon #continuing to push my “beel isn't dumb” agenda

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gojoscloset · 5 months

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Coward pt. 2

Gojo Satoru x Reader angst

Warnings: Angsty , not proof read, written at work, sexualized themes / NSFW

Continuation of Coward pt. 1

————————

Please read before we continue:

Hello Angels it’s been a long long time I know I know I’m really sorry! Every time I get my creative juices flowing the world brings someone into my life that only wants to fuck with my emotions and then I stray away from creative things and yada yada it’s a never ending cycle honestly! Originally the chapter was going to be a lot longer but I felt bad that I’ve been leaving some of y’all hanging without a hint or context so I split it just to give you guys something for now and hopefully I’ll bring more to the table next chapter! (^: I’ve actually been reading hella fanfic so it’s gotten me back into my zone and I know I always say this but hopefully I’ll get back into the swing of things! Much love, hope you all have a good day and enjoy! Also if it applies, happy holidays ❤️

Let’s continue shall we?

——————-

“Here you go baby, this one’s on the house. You look like you could use a little pick me up.”

You snapped out of your thoughts and watched the waiter as she placed a to-go cup of coffee in front of you.

“Also, we closed a few minutes ago, but take your time darling, no rush.” She gave you a knowing smile and left you alone to return to your thoughts. You managed to thank her before she headed to the back, assuming she was finishing up her cleaning duties before going home.

You finally looked up and around the diner, it was empty and quiet with the exception of the soft music playing in the background and sounds of cooks and servers cleaning up in the heart of the house. You arrived around midday, but the sun set long ago, how long have you been there?

You gathered your things and cleaned up your booth a little, placing a nice tip underneath a ketchup bottle before walking back home. Moments like these were not unfamiliar to you, well at least not anymore. You thought about all of it on your way home and how the lines blurred drastically after Gojo left. Your days felt meshed together and it was hard to separate the happier emotions from the negative. Everything that normally felt good felt plain. Bland. Numb. To say Gojos absence shook your world was an understatement.

The world continued to spin but your world felt like it was falling apart for weeks now, yet You were forced to live life normally when all you wanted to do was lie down for a long long time and let flowers bloom from your chest. But of course, this was real life, and the show must go on.

Your immediate friends and family knew about the situation, (albeit not in detail). They tried their best to get you into better spirits. Invitations to outings, being forced out of your home for drinks and the occasional club.You knew they meant well with all the drinks and parties and outings, but god you hated it. You hated having to get ready, and hated when you would have to re-blend your makeup, or redo your lashes because you started to cry halfway through.

Or when you would constantly remind yourself not to unfocus your eyes and dissociate in front of your friends. Or when someone would say something funny and you had to fake laugh and fake match the energy your friends were putting out so you wouldn’t accidentally let it slip how bad you were actually doing.

Pretending to fix your hair or makeup in the restroom just so you could look at yourself a little longer in the mirror. Well rather the shell of you.You tried your best to mask it all, but everyone knew the look, heartbreak was a universal thing. You could cloak your sadness with alcohol and cheap thrills but everyone knows at some point the party has to come to an end.

In other words your friends knew, and you knew they knew. How could they miss it when you yourself would look in the mirror and see a fake bitch looking back at you? You felt just as fake as the man who did this to you. You had the same lifeless look in your eyes, you looked just like him.

—

“Everything alright?” A voice called to you from the bottom of the steps of your complex. It was your neighbor, Jun, casually smoking what looked like a USB port.

‘Damn, when did I make it home?’ You thought but smiled at him

“Yeah, um I was thinking about work, but I’m doing alright, thank you .”

“Positive? Because I haven’t seen you or the tall one in a while. I don’t hear y’all laughing when I walk my dog anymore.”

You cleared your throat, temporarily getting rid of the lump forming, just enough for you to speak without sounding like you were going to cry.

“Ha….yeah …Let’s just say he’s not in the picture anymore.” There was an uncomfortable moment of silence after you said that.

“He didn’t deserve you anyway” Jun had no idea what the situation was, but you could always tell he was for the girls, apparently having been raised in a house full of women. (Information gained after knowing him since the day you moved to these apartments.)

You fake laughed and shook your head. “It is what it is, I suppose. But you know, life continues.” You gave him another smile and watched him take another hit of his vape.

“True. But also” he exhaled the smoke blowing it away from your direction. “You don’t have to pretend with me. Breakups aren’t easy, especially when you’re alone. I won’t pry, but if you need to talk about it, like really talk about it, you know where to find me.”

—

You actually ended up accepting Jun’s offer a few nights later. It was another one of those days where you had the mighty strong urge to drastically change some part of your life to feel like you were in control. You suggested going bald. Jun, however, suggested you look for another job, one that ‘wasn’t remote so you could interact with other people, rather than being locked in your home for days at a time.’

You also mentioned to Jun how you felt like you were going crazy constantly thinking about Satoru. How he would plague your mind 24/7 and you felt like a psycho for always thinking of him.

“We’ll if you feel like you’re going crazy, do something crazy. But obviously not something that will hurt you or others. But whatever you choose, get out of your comfort zone.”

And that you did.

If someone told you a few months ago you quit your remote job to work as a bartender at a bar that caters mainly to the ‘male gaze’ you would probably look at them crazy and offer them a number to a hotline, yet here you were

“Frozen or on the rocks?”

Working your charm at the bar, something you hadn’t done since before you moved to Japan. It was a leap of faith, and a damn good one if you do say so yourself.

Despite it being a very risky decision, to you this has been one of the most refreshing decisions you’ve made in a while. Sure you hated going to places like these with your friends in efforts to forget about Satoru, but it was different when money was involved. You finally felt like you paved a way to healing, everything felt great, for the moment.

You knew the few shifts a week would turn into being scheduled for the whole week. But you didn’t mind, the burnout felt good as hell as it was a socially acceptable form of self harm. But what you liked the most was you rarely had time to think about Satoru. It was always Wake up, get ready for work, work, go home, sleep,repeat. There was no time to think of boys, only time to think about what drinks were next in queue.Ticket after ticket, tip after tip the money came fast, and you spent it slow. Sure, sometimes you would be tired,or you would have to miss events you were interested in, but when the money talks, you listen.

—-

Working at the bar had its perks financially, sure however there was something else you slowly grew a liking to, one that unfortunately motivated you just as much as the money.

Attention.

You swore up and down that you were only doing it for the money. That your flirtatious choice of words were simply to sway your customers for your own gain, but there was much more behind your coquettish behavior.

It definitely made you feel guilty at first, like you were still somehow tied to him. Nonetheless you talked sweet to men because you knew you attract more bees with honey, and you were your sweetest if they were handsome, or if they looked like they could hand-some money over. Money was cool for a while but the validation?The attention that you gave to other men? It did something to you.

Secretly, the flirting and constant attention was a form of revenge for you. One you felt was harmless but actually had consequences.

In the moment where you knew you had someone around your finger your thoughts moved to Satoru. For a split second you would think about how much it would hurt him if he knew, and it felt good even if it was just for a few seconds. What you didn’t know was revenge actually releases dopamine, something you’ve been lacking for a while now which is why it was easy to get hooked on this rebound behavior in attempts to fill the void money stopped filling. The desire also influenced your appearance, having you invest in a number of things from Acrylics to lashes and tattoos, to expensive perfumes and hair extensions. Small things that made a big difference in how men treated you, and how they tipped you. You saw the difference it made, and you wanted more. The flirty conversations at the bar top soon turned into heated (but safe) one night stands with whoever you chose, continuing to fuel your petty reasoning.

Shamefully when the alcohol hit and things got nasty you would daydream about Satoru walking in on you and whoever you were with so he could see what he left behind, so he could hurt like you were hurting.

Even if you knew this was all in your head.

—

It was one of the busiest nights at the Bar, nothing you weren’t used to. The music blasted in the building putting you in the zone, like you were on autopilot.

You timed and coordinated everything to ensure a good shift, you organized the drinks, socialized with the customers and made sure everyone was happy, it was your job after all.

On top of everything it was a themed night at the bar, lingerie night to be exact. The girls wore their best lingerie, nothing that would have their bits all on display, but pretty damn close! And you were no exception, you wore your best embroidered lace set, tight ribbons squeezing your torso and thighs to give your figure the ‘squishy’ look. You knew they were a sucker for lace and ribbon. You did a darker western makeup look this time, something sexy and bold to stand out a little more.

——

Two tall figures approached the bar top, and you turned to them, multiple beers pressed against your chest and you popped them open back to back quickly “hey babes! I’ll be right -“ you froze in place and almost dropped everything in your hand.

You made eye contact with Geto and smiled, shaky but it counted. You didn’t even have to look at the other man to know who accompanied Geto, the two were attached at the hip, but you did so anyway, catching a glimpse of the face you’ve been trying to forget. But how could you forget a face like his? A face that was proof that God does in fact have favorites.

“I’ll be right with y’all!” You smiled again and turned to the other side of the bar, tossing coasters in front of the gentlemen like frisbees. You placed the beers down, your hands and feet ran cold, fingers shaking slightly. Your heart was definitely in your ass by the time you placed the last beer on the coaster, you cleared your throat and tried shaking it off mentally bracing yourself for impact.

“Hey, how ya doin’? What can I do for you boys ?” You smiled, focusing your gaze on Geto, trying your best to look at Gojo as little as possible without being rude.

But of course he was the first to speak, pointing at the menu.

“Which one do you recommend? I’m more of a sweet over bitter kind of guy?” He looked at you through his shades and gave you HIS smile. Then it hit you. They either probably had no idea who you were or they were pretending. But Gojo wouldn’t pretend in a scenario like this.

“Hmmm, anything from this particular page is good, and the first three are our top sellers!” You flipped his menu a page over and pointed a shaky finger at a boxed area containing the bar's popular sugary drinks.

You could smell his cologne when you got closer to take a look at the menu in his hand. Satoru was a man with expensive taste, and he never chose scents everyone else had and as hard as it was to admit, he smelled delicious. Your body remembered his scent, and you had to take a small step back to gather your bearings.

“What about you handsome, what can I get for you ?”

You turned to Geto, using him as a way to get away from Gojo momentarily. You could feel the heat rise to your face and the familiar lump in your throat coming fast, momentarily things felt like they were moving fast but nothing was happening at all.

“Hmm I’m not sure, do you mind if I continue to look?”

“No go ahead, take your time babe! I’ll be back in a sec to check up on y’all.” You smiled and quickly made your way around the bar.

Many tried to flag you down while walking out of the bar area, but you ignored them, it’s not like you could see them anyway, everything was in tunnel vision.

‘No no no no no’ the interaction made your whole body cringe, everything felt dreamy, as if this was an out of body experience and not in the good way.

“Kagi.I have to go. Like right now right now.” You spoke into your head set letting the manager for the night know you were about to dip. Quickly unclasping the headset from your hip and wrapping the wire around the walkie talkie, just in time for you to hear a static “Locker room” from the other end. You quickly rushed to the Locker Room and grabbed your items from your assigned locker, Kagi walked in not long after, approaching you as you frantically put your sweatpants and hoodie on over your outfit.

“Hey what’s wrong?”

You shook your head in response while closing your locker.“ I can’t talk right now, but I really need to leave. Please split my tips amongst the girls and tell them I said I’m so sorry” you zipped up your backpack and made a b line to the door. Kagi had questions, but she let it slide only because this was very out of character for you, she figured it must’ve been urgent and would ask questions later. You pushed Past the doors and past the guests, catching a glimpse of the Snow White hair amongst the crowd once more before rushing out the exit.

—

It was evident you longed for Satoru, yet you found yourself at the doorstep of one of your favorite Booty calls. The door clicked open and he smiled down at you, confused but it was always good to see your face since he knew what you wanted and he knew exactly what to give you. You wasted no time, crashing your lips against his, you needed to feel something, something other than that heavy feeling you constantly carried in your heart.

It was messy and rough. This was probably the nastiest you’ve gone with him, and the roughest he’s been with you. Aggressively grabbing at your body, leaving his markings on your neck,wrists and chest. You did the most in his bed, putting on a show like you would for Satoru, but instead for a man you knew didn’t deserve to see this side of you, but it didn’t matter in that moment. You did it to forget, and to ease the pain away, even if it wasn’t helping. Of all the millions of trillions of things you could think about, all you thought about was him. How easily he seemed to forget about you, and how easy it was for him to give beautiful smiles to others.Things you weren’t jealous of before burned your insides at the thought. You wondered why out of all the bars he chose that bar in particular, though you had no right to judge him when you worked there.

—

The ride from his place to yours was silent. You managed to catch the last train before the stations shut down for the night, and thankfully you were alone.

You took a good look at yourself in the reflection of the windows ignoring the familiar scenery that whizzed by to get a gander at your physical form. You knew you were looking at yourself but even you couldn’t recognize the person in the reflection. You honestly felt like you shouldn’t even be surprised that Geto and Gojo didn’t recognize you back at the bar.

You were quite disappointed in yourself to say the very least. You have been practicing in your head for months what you would say and do if you ever came across him again and clearly it didn’t go as planned. The script you wrote in your head was thrown to the wind, the same wind that blew your cover. You weren’t a hot and sexy ‘boss bitch’. You were overworked and over sexualized, utilizing male validation as a form of escapism.

You turned your head revealing the deep purple bruises all across your neck in the reflection. You grabbed the strings of your hoodie and pulled them tight, hiding the marks as best as you could, you didn’t want to see them, they made you feel disgusted.

The train arrived at your destination and you quickly made your way back home to your apartment. You climbed up the stairs , mentally wishing Jun was home so you could talk your feelings out , but alas he usually worked nights on the weekends, so no luck there.

You pulled your keys out as you reached the last of the steps, wanting to just go home and shower everything off, but you halted immediately when you looked up and saw the devil himself, nonchalantly leaning against your door.

“There you are…. I’ve been looking for you”

#jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #gojo x y/n #gojo #satoru gojō x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo headcanons #jjk hcs

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athousandbyeol · 8 months

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discussion #11 (only friends): is mew an outcast in the friend group? is it an intentional tactic by the directors/scriptwriters to make mew "less attractive"?

i think, from episode 1 to episode 3, we aren't seeing much of mew because it's intentional.

he's always at the furthest side of the shot, not really in the spotlight (except in scenes shared with top and close-up shots of himself alone). the clothes he wears aren't exactly trendy or fleshy. those glasses. he looks... boring. ordinary. nothing exciting about mew.

(i just have to put this picture because he's as precious as he can be <'3)

(well, hello there, mew.)

i think the directors and scriptwriters intentionally make mew look/feel like an outcast in this messy friend group so that we'll grow suspicious of him. mew is 'hidden' because he has yet unleashed the 'other side' of his. because i think we might have questions now; is he really all this? is that even possible?

side note: even p'force said mew is the flirty/cunning one in this relationship. he knows a lot of things, but i assume he chooses not to let people know because it isn't of importance to mew. he just wants to have fun sometimes and get that degree. that's all. but is that really it?

i see so many people are having strong opinions about mew, but saying mew is boring is where i believe this is somewhat true. i think many of only friends watchers took the bait— mew is so boring— they [topmew] aren't progressing anywhere— what are they even doing? it's so interesting to witness so much disparity when it comes to topmew. some like their story. some hate them. but as someone who enjoys every plotline in the drama, i can only say the six of them revolve around each other. the story won't progress if one character/a couple is pulled out from the circle. all of them are equally important. some relationships progress faster than the other. it's in sync with the build-up of the story (do refer freytag's pyramid to get a better idea of how a story is constructed), and the growth of the characters. they depend on each other. so, like it or not, the six of them co-exist. it can't be five people or only two pairs. it must be six and three pairs to make only friends work.

i regress.

moreover, i guess, p'jojo and p'ninew want us to implant this idea of mew in mind— just a normal person. i think, in that way, it creates tension, suspense and speculation. i think most of topmew enjoyers see this gradual growth of mew's character. as top has grown out of his confident persona little by little (mostly when he's with mew, top shows more of his vulnerable and child-like personality; the smile top gives mew during the silent disco scene was so pure and innocent. it made top look like a kid again; that lost kid in the fire), mew's other side of the coin is waiting to set sail. this excites me very much. because we clearly don't know who on earth mew is. and i'm taking this opportunity to applaud p'book again. he's doing a fantastic job as mew. kudos to him.

additionally, i have a question, don't you think it's a bit off that mew is friends with 1) ray, an alcoholic (i apologise if this term is degrading), 2) boston, a sexually-active person, and 3) chueam, the party-goer (i don't have anything negative to say about her, hehe). mew— a nerd, who likes partying but is still pretty much an average university student— how did he end up in this group? i just find it a bit weird. a bit out of place. he feels like an oddball in this friend group. it's like he doesn't belong here. and that itself is very intriguing.

i have a feeling mew's transformation will shock everyone, and he might be the core of everyone's heartbreak/headache (with nick being the second/main destroyer). i'm excited to see mewnick's revenge arc unfold because both of them will approach their battles differently; nick is going to be more emotionally driven, while mew is strategic and perhaps, heartless.

thus, i think the directors/scriptwriters have succeded in making us view mew as just... a person. nothing special. dull and one-dimensional. but this is just so thrilling to me as i believe (way before the series aired) mew is so much more than what we think he is, and i can't wait to see that mew. :)

//p.s. i don't know what this is honestly so i apologise for even writing this post...

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

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ask-the-amph-greater-universe · 1 month

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I’ll respond to as many of the scenarios you listed as I can let’s see

Draconis would at first be looking for the starholder, not really trusting this place, but when he finds Chapter he’ll probably just leave him there, he only takes stars from people he deems evil and it’s not like this guy is hurting people. He debates bringing him back to reality but isn’t sure he’d react well to that.

Bold of you to assume Draconis will let them be dismissive of him. He’s probably going into dragon form to pick them up and examine them. Not like he has any fear of any of em. Draconis doesn’t know enough about Antares’ world to want to steal his star, he’s just having fun messing with them.

Draconis would just be curious of Runaway Eclipse, no real taunting just talking to him

Honey isn’t deemed evil so no star theft there, although he’d probably offer to take them to his world to help fix Cider.

Draconis will humor Beastmaker for a bit, maybe going dragon form when they try to transform him. He is secretly planning star theft though

Depends on the deal Blue Moon tries making with him, but the initial attack will lead to Draconis taunting him a bit. I mean Draconis has five stars on his body alone, so I can’t imagine the star hating guy has a very good reaction to that.

Ahh. I wasn't quite sure What type of star sealer he was. There's quite a bit more scenarios that would be interesting but we'll go with we got.

I mean chapter is just sitting in a closet asleep with maybe his Star chucked to the side. Chapter is literally just sleeping silently. Although it's clear from like the dust and cobwebs that are literally on his person that he's been sleeping for a really long time. If they do wake him up he will be grouchy and asking why the hell would they disturb him from his dream space. His only friends are there.

I mean everyone will be very upset about being picked up. But they aren't exactly surprised by the dragon? How depending on where he is Horn, Black Stars pet dragon might get territorial. Most of them will be grouching about how he's just trying to get attention because he's too prideful to realize that his life is a waste. And most of them all assuming since he's definitely not Sun, he must be an eclipse.

As long as they are at first very nice runaway won't run away at first. He'll exchange a simple greeting and say he seems like the strongest powerful thing around here. And he will be very obviously somewhat terrified and just hoping he doesn't try and kill him.

Honey will be thankful for any sort of help. He isn't really sure Cider is fixable. Seeing the horrors of the universe is not something you can quite program out. But a more hospitable place will be greatly appreciated. Although cider might quietly mumble that he doesn't want to leave Apple behind. Apple being the wither storm that did this to their universe in the first place.

Beastmaker is a mix of childlike wonder and recklessness to the point of being near suicidal. The dragon though will just impress him heavily. He enjoys it very very much. He wants it very much for himself. Also good luck getting the star. Because he's basically merged with it. Or maybe it's the whistle. I've never honestly thought where the star is.

I mean Blue Moon's not going to be the one making a deal. They want this man dead. Honestly Blue Moon will tell him he's abusing power that shouldn't be his. Plus the fact that, ahh. Well Blue Moon's going to be glowing like a freaking god. Blue moon gets magical power from the stars. Not the direct Creation magic boost. But basically it's like he's taking the magic from all the stars and merging it into some powerful ass spells. Blue Moon will probably match him in magical strength.

#crossover story #red blue and black #sulky star cluster #beastmaker #empty cup #story made of Ash #runaway eclipse #draconis

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beevean · 1 year

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While I like Steven Universe and all of it's misgivings (even though I feel some parts of it could be written a bit more realistically, like Kevin and Steven's weird animosity angle), I always felt that the Movie adding Spinel was kind of a lazy and thoughtless decision just to make Pink Diamond more cruddy than she really is. I get that as part of the regime that considered castes wouldn't treat their lower halves with such kindess as they would the parts they belonged to, but it just seemed rather out of character for Pink to discard Spinel and make her stay in her garden for so damn long, if we were to assume Pink actually did shatter her Pearl accidentally. If there was more instances of Pink Diamond being that volatile in the show and not a lot of heresay (The Crystal Gems talking about Pink like she's an spoilt brat, for example), I'd probably would buy it more. As it stands, there's too little information thanks to the nature of the show, and it really just feels like after the revelation of Pink and Rose Quartz being one and the same, they forgot to give more humanizing qualities to Rose, especially sinc she's such a trigger for Steven in Future.

Spinel, to me, only exists to make Pink Diamond more cruel than she actually is, and I don't actually like Spinel because of that.

I agree with you in part. I don't think Spinel exists only to make Pink look more cruel, but I think the show started villainizing her a little too much in general, culminating in Future.

The idea is sound on paper. Present a character as a paragon of unreachable goodness, to the point that Steven feels like everyone expects him to measure up to his dead mom, and then start showing the cracks in her shining armor: she looked down on the same humans she swore to protect, she bubbled Bismuth, she shattered Pink Diamond and is the reason Homeworld hates everything to do with Earth, she was Pink Diamond and lied to all of the CGs and forced Pearl to keep her secret. We see her at her best, and slowly we go backwards to see at her worst. The idea is that we're supposed to put together the events in reverse order and appreciate her character development... but in practice, it means that Steven just starts to resent Rose and have an attitude of "yes mom sucks, must be a day ending in Y"

Future is what irked me the most. The last time Rose is plot relevant, we discover that she literally traumatized Pink Pearl through a temper tantrum. The last time we see Rose, it's her painting stuffed inside Lion's mane, out of sight and out of mind. The last time we hear her name, Steven is angrily comparing Greg to her. Everyone has moved on from her, but not in a healthy way, but in an almost... cancelled way? The narrative put too much focus on her bad actions, and seemingly forgot that Pink did a massive work on herself to do the closest thing a Gem can to grow up.

Spinel is just one of those examples. As an antagonist, she works, she's out of her mind with emotional pain, Pink and not Rose hurt her (so Steven can't just tell her the truth, like she did with Jasper and the Diamonds), and her inner conflict is abandonment issues, which how in the hell is Steven supposed to solve? He doesn't, the Diamonds do. But... yeah. Since Rose isn't around to defend herself, a recurring theme in SU, we never learn why she never came back for Spinel. Maybe because the portals were broken! But the narrative just leaves us with "Pink was a jerk and abandoned her friend because she was annoying" (or because she was meant to replace Pink Pearl in a shallow, insulting way, but still).

This is a big flaw of trying to paint the complexities of a dead character. We have to rely on hearsay, different opinions, and so does the titular character. Steven decided that Rose was a liar, and that's where the show stopped. It sucks, because Rose is my favorite character in the show and back in the day I swear that she was more hated than the Diamonds :<

#steven universe #rose quartz #pink diamond

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strixcattus · 16 days

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I'm supposed to be working on other things right now but I'm thinking about that question on the survey that asked about which ending you preferred/considered canon. And I'm about to say a lot of things that may or may not make sense or all be related to one another, and I'm not sure they'll come out in a parseable order, so I may or may not even end up putting this in the main tag. We'll have to see.

I chose the answer I consider best. Or, least bad. And not in a narrative sense—after the update, I like the scene of the "And? What Happens Next?" ending better than perhaps any other. But I chose the one that I believed led to the most favorable scenario after the end, which would be the loop ending. And I've got a post in my drafts, half-written, that explains in detail why I consider each ending to be a "bad ending" for the world or the characters or both in some form, which I had to put on a back-burner because I wanted to ensure I wasn't doing some sort of bad-faith reading on the Shifting Mound during my discussion of one ending, and even though with the benefit of distance I can see I generally wasn't I've never gotten back to it. To sum it all up, each ending requires you to trade away something the game's story makes you value (unless, I suppose, you come to hate the Princess and by extension the Shifting Mound, or the Shifting Mound and by extension the Princess, on a nonnegotiable level) in order to resolve the narrative, but the loop ending allows you to put it off ad infinitum. What you're sacrificing is the resolution itself. So you lose nothing, and gain nothing, and probably something really horrible happens to the world, but you don't have to think about that part.

But I consider the canon ending to be "There Are No Endings." Maybe it has something to do with it being the first ending I got. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I consider it the optimal outcome for the world—you sacrifice everyone who's unconditionally been on your side this entire time (Shifty doesn't quite count, since she wasn't present in the same way the Voices were) in order to maintain balance and surety. Maybe it just says something about what I value, and that unseen value says something about the endings.

Shifty's right. She doesn't get it right about what you, the player, feel and value (unless your values happen to align with hers—mine don't, but I know some people's must), but that's how people are. She says it—and normally I'd go sifting through the files or the game itself for when exactly she says it, but it's late and I have other things to do, so I'll just say she says it very early on—she says very early on that she cannot know your mind, because you are not her.

It's the same way as your final words to the Voices in the mirror. None of your options are poorly worded. If you expect the Voices to take the harsh truth gracefully, that's an honest mistake, because you can't know what's going on in their heads. Your options are to lie kindly, or tell them a truth that will make them hate you, because just as you can't see inside their heads, they cannot see inside yours, and they will assume you must have some other choice. You don't. But you don't get to articulate it. Lie or hurt them. Those are your only options.

But aside from that Shifty is right. I've seen people ask—and this was early in my entrance to the fandom, and I don't know how much discussion went around about it because I wasn't in the circle, so to speak, even less than I am right now, but I've seen people ask if Shifty could have killed us.

That's not the question to be asking. Of course she could have killed us. She can do anything we believe her to be able to, and if we believe her able to kill us, she can. She always could have killed us.

But she never would have, because she knows. She knows something as a god that you cannot know until you choose to raise yourself to her level—she knows that a universe without either one of you may not be a universe worth living in. She knows that she needs her counterweight. She may not value people on the same level you might, but she does not want them to suffer—she specifically wants them not to suffer, or at least not to suffer in a way she could have prevented. She is a detached god, not a cruel one.

She's right. She's forceful, but she's right, and she can't understand why you would rather be a person than a god, because she has never been anything but a god, and her Vessels are as much a part of her as your Voices are a part of you, but while you lived alongside your Voices as a person before cannibalizing them, she only welcomed her Vessels back upon their absorption. She does not know firsthand what it is to be a person, but she is right about everything else.

(I have to wonder if she is less cruel to her Vessels than you are to your Voices. Hers maintain their form throughout.)

And now this has me thinking—what if the Voices are you? Not in the way in which they're obviously you. I mean that you live your life, you make your decisions, and then you die. And then there is a new one of you. But the new one is not the Voice that has appeared in your head. The new Voice is the old one, fully realized into his own person with a personality you can no longer mold, just as the Vessels are not their own persons until you make the choices that make them into real people. The new entity is you, unmolded, without any personality save what you, the person who does not exist in this world, pour into it.

#slay the princess #I don't actually know how comprehensible this post is #someone tell me if even one point makes any sense

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wandafiction · 3 months

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In Every Universe - Part 5

Warnings: Brief mentions of death, angst, hurt

You groan at the incessant beeping you hear as you start to wake up, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel the burn of bright lights above. You attempt to move your hands to rub your eyes, hoping to soothe the pain, only to find them stiff and sore but also locked in place. Your ears pick up in the sound of metal hitting metal and you can only assume you are back in handcuffs.

Attempting to draw from your powers, you feel nothing but pain causing you to writhe in the bed as energy pulses through you but has nowhere to go. You gasp as your powers settle down, choosing not to attempt to use them again, and you can only assume they are power dampening.

Oh how you hate the power dampening cuffs, or anything of that matter, as your body needs to constantly release and take in energy to remain stable. The Hydra scientists had explained how normal human homeostasis works and how your body is no different but with the additional energy your body's homeostasis is harder to maintain.

You try to even out your breathing, trying to slow your heart, when your ears concentrate back on the beeping that has increased in rhythm. You swallow slowly, your throat extremely dry and sore, wetting your lips with your tongue. You know you're I'm a hospital bed, or at the very least a medical bay, and with the additions of handcuffs you know you are still in the avengers compound.

"Fucking hell." You turn your head to the side, trying to hide most of your face in the pillow as you slowly open one eye. "This is worse than a hangover."

"I'm not surprised, you've been out for nearly a week and you pretty much drained yourself of energy." You startle slightly at the male's voice, looking over to see a smaller man looking at his clipboard.

"You must be Doctor Banner, also known as Bruce or the hulk. So to whom am I speaking to out of the three of you?" You smirk as the man looks at you over the rim of his glasses.

"Dr Banner. And may I ask how you know such information about us. Reviewing the footage with Agent Romanoff we could see small tells and little actions you did when looking at the people who entered the room. Almost as if you recognised them." You hum shrugging.

"Well I mean Hydra's not dumb, they taught us about you guys. They have a profile on each and everyone of you, and I made sure to learn them off by heart. For example Mr, sorry, Dr Banner. You did have a very lovely lady friend that you fell in love with, the hulk saved her once but she was the daughter of the guy who was trying to kill you. So I can only assume that didn't work out, so with that in the past you've decided to concentrate on your studies trying to get the other guy out of you so you can live your life. Without fear of, what's it called -ah yes - hulk smashing the people you love to death." You chuckle as he shuffles uneasily on his feet clearing his throat.

"Well -uhm- you will be cleared to go back down to the cell soon. Just got to do some final tests and we will get you back down there." You pout as he avoids your gaze.

"You're no fun. You're all I'm Mr Serious just here to do my job, get paid, and not kill people. How boring." Bruce doesn't give you any sign that your little quips are bothering him, instead he just continues to check your monitors and write things down.

"Just so you know, your mind might get more flashes than it has already had." Your eyes move to look at him as he looks at you before quickly diverting them and looking at the hospital standard painting in your room.

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Neither do the others since I haven't told them. But when I have tech that can give me accurate brain scans and I see passive activity that a normal brain does not hold, I can only assume you are having flashbacks. Am I correct in assuming you've had one or two but kept it to yourself?"

"I don't like doctors." You choose to say instead earning a chuckle from the man, your eyes slowly moving to look back at him.

"And I don't like the hulk all that much but we all have to deal with things we dislike and just move on from it, right?" He gives you a lopsided smile and you hum slowly nodding.

"Right." You say slowly your eyes taking in the man's features trying to gauge whether you can trust him enough.

"So if the thoughts in your mind become too loud, the pain turns from a low thumping to a stabbing like pain just press the call button on your remote and I will come to give you some meds."

"What sort of meds?" You shuffle uncomfortably in your bed, your hand brushing over the IV in the back of your hand, small flashes of how Hydra would have you hooked up to an unknown amount of concoctions whenever you were on a medical bed.

"Just painkillers and maybe some relaxants that will help you sleep easier."

"How long do I have to stay here before I'm kicked back to the cell?" Bruce closes his folder, putting it at the end of your bed, taking his glasses off as he pockets his pen.

"Until I give you the all clear."

"And how long would that take doctor?" Bruce pretends to think about it for a second before smiling with a shrug.

"Let's say until the flashbacks stop being so powerful and the mind wiping and control ease off."

His hand gently lands on your calf giving it a small squeeze. And you take in his relaxed form, he isn't afraid of you he is just helping you. You scrunch your brows as he gives you a smile, questioning why he wouldn't have you sedated or on so many meds you don't even know your own name.

"I know you don't want to believe we used to be friends, used to be the same team. That's what Hydra does, but just know that even if you don't feel like you can right now you can trust me to help you get your memories back. And the handcuffs are just for precaution, you lost control of your powers - I can only assume from a flashback - and we don't need it happening again when they start coming thick and fast." He doesn't offer any more information turning towards the door and moving to leave.

"I remember the kid." His movements stop, closing the door quietly as he turns to look back at you. "Peter, the kid, I remember him. Or I remember some bits. I had a flashback about a movie night we had, and uhm the feelings and emotions came rushing back. I know he's not my brother but I love him as one."

"Anymore?"

"And Tony when he rescued me and brought me here. But that's it really." He gives you a smile in return as you tilt your head curiously. "Why haven't you told anyone you know about the flashbacks? And I mean now I've confirmed it. Will you tell them?"

"No I won't. If they find out then they are all going to try and get you to remember things and them and it's going to be extremely overwhelming for you and your brain. It needs time to heal, not a group of loud and unruly people telling you things you don't whether are true or not. We just have to let your brain fix itself. There's no saying how long and if it will completely fix itself but you will remember them all without their intervention."

"Thank you Doctor Banner, truly. I know I'm still the enemy and to me you're just the same, but I don't have fear of you hurting me so I will happily cooperate with any medical things you require from me."

"It's appreciated. And please just call me Bruce or Banner, there is no need to be formal."

"Okay well thank you Banner."

"Of course Y/n. If you need anything or are in pain don't be afraid to press that call button and I will be here as soon as I can, if not it will be Dr Cho." You give a nod in acknowledgement. "Anything else I can do for you at all Y/n before I disappear to check on other patients?"

"Yeah how is Peter and everyone else involved in my …. Mishap."

"He is completely unharmed." Banner smiles softly looking at you. "Thanks to you and your quick thinking."

“Thank you Dr banner.” Bruce chuckles with a shake of his head.

“What have I said about calling me that? Anything would be better, even green giant would be better.” You chuckle.

“Sure. one last thing, am I allowed visitors?”

“I don’t see why not.” With that he leaves without another word leaving you slightly confused but nonetheless relieved now that you are alone and can have a moment to adjust to your new surroundings.

It’s not that you didn’t like hospitals and Doctors, well if you were being honest you didn’t like them, but it's more you had nowhere to go. Your mind kept playing the fact that you had been unconscious for a week now, and you had already been in the cell for nearly a week also. The first question to pop into your mind was why was Hydra not trying to rescue you.

You were also trying to fight off the flashes of a time before Hydra, which is hard to come to terms with since you could only ever remember being a part of Hydra. You remember Peter and you remember Tony so surely that means that they are telling the truth, but you also think maybe they are using Wanda to plant fake memories. Get you to fall into a trap, to trust them, for you to help them and then find out it was all made up.

The rational side of your brain knew that this was probably very far-fetched and from what you are feeling from the flashbacks you were sure it wouldn’t be a lie. However, if it wasn’t a lie and you have been missing for over a year then how do you even begin to get back to who you were.

“Knock, knock.” Your rambling thoughts quiet as the door to the room slowly opens as a smiling ex-assassin enters the room.

“Miss Romanoff, to what do I owe the pleasure?” She quietly closes the door making her way to the bed silently, your eyes watching her movements as she looks at the handcuffs.

“I’m just here to see how you are feeling sweetheart.” Her eyes glide up to look at you, with a soft but also sad smile as hand slowly moves to push some hair behind your ear. “My sweet child, what have they done to you?”

“You don’t have to pretend to like me to get information out of me?” You turn your head, her hand dropping to rest on your shoulder, missing the pained look on her face.

“I was really hoping you’d remember, but that's okay. I’m here to get you out of the handcuffs.” Your head whips around looking at her with scrunched brows.

“But Dr Banner, Bruce, said that they had to stay on.” You eyes watch as she unlocks the handcuffs allowing them to drop to the floor.

“Well he is right you do have to have some power dampening thing on you, just for your safety as much as everyone else. But that's why I have this.” She holds up a small, thin silver bracelet.

“I’m not really a jewellery type of girl Miss Romanoff, and anyway I thought I was meant to be in love with Wanda.” You quip earning an ‘are you serious’ look from the older woman. “Sorry, explain it to me.”

“It is less restricting than handcuffs, so you won’t have to have someone unlock them just to go to the restroom. Also it will still dampen your powers, but not to the same degree. It will allow energy to flow easily so it doesn’t build up like it did in the cell, but you won’t actually be able to use your powers because any surge in energy will just make the power damping increase.”

“So I don’t need to be allowed to go to the toilet and I won’t cause an explosion. Guess that's a fair trade.” You chuckle as Natasha holds the bracelet up and you easily lift your hand up.

“So how are you feeling honey?”

/\/\/\/\/\

You trudged into the common room, your gaze on the floor, in sweatpants and a hoodie with the hood up. You aimlessly wander into the kitchen opening up the fridge only to stare at it when nothing in there seemed to be anything you wanted. You could feel their eyes on you as you closed the door only to open it again when your eyes spotted the chocolate bar you had yet to finish hidden behind the fruit.

You easily grabbed the chocolate, putting it in the pocket of your hoodie before also grabbing some grapes and once again closing the fridge door. You turn around bumping into someone who definitely wasn’t standing there a minute ago, their hands landing on your shoulders as your eyes look up at them. Your lip trembles as you see who it is.

“Oh my sweetheart.” Are the only words muttered before arms wrap around your shoulders and pulling you against them, your head in the crook of their neck as you finally let go of the tears you’ve been holding in.

The grapes are carefully taken from your hand, hearing the whispered voices next to you but not listening to what's being said. Your arms, that have been hanging limply, slowly wrap around the torso of the person who is now slowly pressing kisses to the top of your head.

“Let's get you some water, maybe run you a bath and into some fresh clothes. Then we can go to my room and cuddle under the blanket while watching a movie. How does that sound?” All you can do is simply nod, another kiss is placed to the top of your head as you do.

The arms easily lift you off of the ground, your legs instinctively wrapping around their waist, your arms moving to snake around their neck as you continue to hide your face in the crook of it. Gentle hands held your thighs, to keep you from slipping down, as they started to walk out of the kitchen.

You only let go of the person when they bent down to sit you on the edge of the bed, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms securely around your legs. You looked up at the woman in front of you, your bottom lip trembling your eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I miss them so much. Natty, I miss him so much it hurts.” Your words are broken up by gentle sobs as Natasha crouches down in front of you, her hands cupping your face.

“Oh my sweet girl. I’m sorry I can’t take the pain away, I wish I could take this pain from you. Your brother would be proud of who you have grown to be. I mean look at who you have become, and I don’t mean an avenger but as a person, you have grown up so much this past year. He would be so proud.”

“You think so?” You sniffle using your sleeve to wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I really do.”

“I really wanted him to meet the person I love, you know. I always knew I wanted him to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, be the godfather to any children I have. He was my little brother, I was meant to protect him but instead I was the one who hurt him. Killed him.” Natasha’s thumbs rub soft circles on your cheeks as you say your piece, getting what you need to say out.

“So would he have approved of your little crush on our witchy resident?”

“Don’t know what you're talking about.” You hide a smile at the thought of Wanda, mumbling into your knee as you rest your chin on top of it, your eyes avoiding Natasha’s smug smirk at all costs.

“Sweetie, I'm a spy, you can’t hide shit from me.”

“That's a dollar in the swear jar.” You smile cheekily as Natasha rolls her eyes lightly hitting your shoulder.

“Hey, no going off topic. So when do you plan to tell Wanda about your not so subtle feelings towards her?”

“I don’t. She is my friend, and I don’t want to ruin that so I will just bury it down.” Natasha shakes her head in amusement.

“I think the little witch might surprise you if you do tell her.” Your eyes flick up at that, your heart thumping in your chest.

“What do you mean?” Natasha doesn’t answer, instead standing up and moving towards the bathroom door.

“Oh when did we get a swear jar?” You giggle with a grin, Natasha had always been good at getting you out of your emotional pit.

She used just the right amount of distraction. One where you still felt like you could allow yourself to feel what you were feeling, but it never consumed you so much that you got lost in it. Natasha had been there for you since your first day, sure she may have given you a little bit of tough love during training but you found out it was because she cared about you. Something about reminding her of her sister who she hasn’t seen in many years, so she took you under her wing.

As you follow Natasha into the bathroom, watching her fill the bath with warm water and adding the bubbles and making sure there are plenty of them by swirling her hand around in the water, you feel the sense of being safe enveloping you. The way that Natasha could so easily read you and know what you need, how she did her best to comfort you and allow you to have your independence as well as giving you some restrictions to keep you safe.

It was all you ever wanted from your own mother. Yet you never did feel like she would ever treat you like a mother should, and you knew that it was wrong the way your mother (and your father) treated you. The way people in highschool would talk about their parents, saying how they wished they had more freedom and didn’t have to deal with them just because they weren’t allowed to some party on a school night.

You knew you couldn’t tell anyone that you didn’t feel safe in your own home, too scared of your parents finding out about it, so you simply moulded your replies and answers to what seemed to be the norm. You always made similar excuses to those you heard around you, and no one ever questioned it.

So as you stand there watching Natasha be that person you had always wished a parent would be like you couldn’t help yourself.

You got Natasha’s attention by hugging her side tightly, since she was sitting on the edge of the bath it was a little awkward. Neither of you say anything and for a moment silence fills the room, only the sound of running water to be heard. You took in a deep breath having so much to say but not sure how to say it.

It had only been a few seconds since you had latched onto Natasha’s side but the moment she bent her left arm so her hand could rest on the outside of your arm everything seemed to fall into place. Her thumb rubs circles on the outside of your arm as her fingers wrap around slightly until they are resting on your bicep and giving it a gentle squeeze. In that moment, with the smallest amount of affection she could show you feel the most comfort you think you ever have from someone who isn’t your brother.

“You okay honey?” Natasha reaches her other arm out to turn off the tap as she turns her head to look at you.

You bite your lips as your eyes search her features for anything that could be hiding in the facade of care you can see. Her soft eyes look to yours as you continue your search, drying her hand off on her shirt before cupping your cheek with it. The warmth you feel on your cheek radiates around your body and you feel like you can completely relax and you know you’re safe. Natasha tilts her head in silent question as you release a small breath.

“I’m okay. Just thinking.”

“And what’s got you thinking so hard?”

“A lot but mainly me and you.” Natasha brow lifts slightly as she tries to predetermine where this conversation is going.

“What about me and you?”

“Just how you’ve been more of a mother than my own mother, which is really crazy to say out loud, but you have and I just kind of see you more in that light than I ever did her.” You ramble quickly.

“What are you saying sweetie?”

“I just, well, you well. Wow, uhm. I just wish I could have had you as a mother growing up but I’m really happy I get to have the chance now. But I mean if it's weird for you then that's okay, I know it sounds kind of crazy and weird saying that but you do feel like a mom, like my mom. I’m sorry I don’t even know what I’m saying.” Both her hands now cup your cheeks as she moves her body to face you more.

“Hey, hey. Calm down, take a breath for me.” You do as she says, all while smiling and giggling embarrassingly. “Good. It's not weird Y/n, because I think of you as the daughter I never would be able to have. You’ve managed to find a home in my heart and I will gladly step up to that role if you want me too.”

“It’s not weird?” Natasha shakes her head smiling.

“Not at all.”

“Wow.” You let out a breathy chuckle, Natasha’s smile widening at the sound.

“Honey.” You hum as your eyes meet Natasha’s warm gaze. “You can say it, it's not weird.”

“Mom.” You barely whisper it but you know Natasha heard it when the tears build in her eyes and her smile stretches up even more.

“Hi sweetheart.”

/\/\/\/\

“Hey Y/n you okay?” Her voice brings you back into the room, realising you completely zoned out staring at nothing in particular.

“Yeah I’m okay.”

“You sure? You went quiet on me for a while.” You nod humming.

“I’m okay mom.”

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#wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maxmoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x reader

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