#why yes clint IS still telling his story and gesturing wildly with both hands while holding wanda's

[normaltothemax]

5 Love Languages prompts [ absentminded ] sender casually takes receiver's hand in public, laces their fingers, and doesn't let go ( wanda to clint because she is just the kind to be like… still there? still there.)

They were out to dinner, celebrating a successful mission. Well, okay, really, they were all just starving after that fight and a single Chinese restaurant had somehow remained open. It was fate. Destiny. It would’ve been stupid to turn down their offer of a free “thank you” meal. Plus, it gave everyone time to just sit down and breathe for a minute or two.

Clint was in the middle of regaling everyone with stories from the circus, exaggerating only a little (who was going to tell on him?), making big, grand gestures with his hands, chopsticks almost jabbing Natasha in the eye a time or two. Partway through a(n entirely made-up) story involving popcorn, a horse, and a tightrope-walking bearded lady, a smaller hand slipped into one of his. He didn’t have to look to know who it belonged to—Wanda was the one seated directly to his right, after all.

He didn’t pause in his storytelling, didn’t stutter or even look over at her, just gave it a squeeze and continued on, dragging her hand along for the ride.

@writteninscarlet (x)

[avengerscompound]

Blank Space - Chapter 4

Blank Space:  A Scarlet Witch Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Wanda Maximoff x F!Reader Square:  @ladiesofmarvelbingo - E4, Pining

Word Count:  1830

Warnings:  Angsty

Synopsis:  Wanda has become used to the thoughts of others pressing down on her constantly until one day she meets you. A complete blank space in the world.

Chapter 4

Over the course of a week, you and Wanda really began to click.  She loved having you in her apartment.  Not just because being around you was the only time she really felt like a normal person again, and it was a relief just having her own thoughts and no one else’s.  She was really enjoying your company.  She loved how at the end of the day the two of you would make a meal together and just sit talking about any random thing that popped into either of your head.  It was so like when she was a child growing up.  She remembered how her parents would talk animatedly over a meal and how happy she was back then.

Plus, it was almost a novel experience for both of you.  You having not had anyone hear you for so long seemed to just blossom as you rambled about all the things you’d seen and heard since you had become the void in the world you were.  Wanda just delighted in having conversations where she was learning something new as the words were being said not before them.  And your stories were interesting.  Being a ghost meant you saw people behaving how they would if they were alone.  Wanda knew people’s thoughts could be shocking.  She was surprised by how much their actions could be too.

Sometimes you’d even cook for the group or spend time with them.  It was funny to Wanda.  She had never been around them and not been able to hear them.  It felt odd and like something was missing, while at the same time she felt like she could relax in a way that she had never happened with them before.  It was also funny watching them trying to see you and not being able to.  Clint and Sam were both extremely entertained by how things kept disappearing and reappearing in the kitchen as you used them.  She and Vision would pass on what you said to the others so that while conversations were often disjointed, you could at least participate in them.  You were really coming out of your shell and Wanda loved seeing it happen.  That mixed with how tactile you were, she was falling for you fast.

She loved how tactile you were most of all.  She knew it came out of the touch starvation that had developed over the past eight years, but Wanda had no problem with how you liked to cuddle with her or hold her hand.  She’d always loved that kind of physical affection and she particularly loved it coming from you.  She just wished that for you it meant the same thing as she wanted it to mean.  She couldn’t hear your thoughts she just ran on the assumption that it was only the touch starvation and nothing more.  She kept her own feelings under wraps.  The last thing she wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable or that you owed her.

Tony and Bruce were working hard on figuring out what was going on with you and how to hopefully bring you back to the world again.  At the end of that first week, they called you both up to the lab.

“Alright, so first of all.  I made you this.  I’m calling it your Mumble Bee.”  Tony said holding his hand out with a small, metal egg in it.  You went to take it and as you got within reach of him he flinched and pulled his hand away.  “Shit, sorry.”  He said.  “That is a hard urge to resist.”  He tried again and this time when you came close, Wanda could see Tony flinch and his hand started to shake as he resisted the strong urge to pull it way.

“That is so weird,”  Tony said taking his hand away as you looked the strange little egg over.  He pulled one of his screens over and began flicking things around.  “So, I’m just going to get your biometrics with it and then -”  The little egg made a whirring noise and buzzed out of your hand directly over your head.  You looked up as it buzzed over your head at different levels.  Tony kept typing away for a moment until it remained steady at about a foot and a half over your head and a small light projection of you emitted from it.  “There you are.”

“That’s so people can see you.  It will follow you around and repeat what you say.”  Tony explained.  “Try it out, kid.”

You started walking around the lab a little hesitantly.  Tony and Bruce both followed the path of the little flying bee around.  “It’s going to repeat me?”  You asked, and almost layered directly on top of that, the egg repeated it in your exact voice.

“So that’s what you sound like,”  Tony said.

“That is very painful for me, Tony,”  Wanda said, wincing.  The echo was worse than when she heard people’s thoughts.

“Okay, so I’ll make it so it only starts talking when you’re finished.  But that does mean conversations will be slow.  Is that okay with you?”  Tony asked pressing a few buttons.

“It’s better than I’ve had for a long time.”  You said.

“It’s better than I’ve had for a long time.”  The egg repeated.

Tony smiled.  “We’re getting there.  You’ll be interacting with the world soon enough.”

“Can she turn it off when it’s just the two of us?”  Wanda asked.  “That repeating everything could get really annoying.”

“Oh, yeah.  Definitely,”  Tony said moving over to one of his benches.  “Here’s a remote for it.  It’s also hooked into FRIDAY.  So if FRIDAY is here she can just ask her to power it down.”  He held out his hand with the small remote and you came and took it off him.  This time he kept his vision trained on the little hologram of you above your head and when you took it, his arm flinched but he held it much steadier than before.

“Hopefully, this is just a temporary thing.  But it will mean you can actually interact with us now.  So that will be fun for you.”  Tony teased.

“Thank you, Mister Stark.”  You said.

Tony grinned and gestured to Bruce who flushed a little and began to tap on a screen.  “Right.  So,”  he said as he seemed to try and gather his thoughts together.  “Your cells seemed to have been affected by a large amount of gamma radiation.  I've only seen a handful of cases like it.  Me being one of them.  From the story Wanda passed on, I assume during the battle of New York you were hit with something.  Your cells have mutated and you appear to now have a low-level telepathic ability.”

“Wouldn't that mean she could read minds like me?”  Wanda asked.

Bruce smiled a little.  “These things manifest differently.  Both Steve and I have super strength, for example.  However, the way it's manifested in both of us is wildly different.”

“Nice choice of words,” Tony joked.

“In this case, the telepathy is manifesting as a kind of camouflage,”  Bruce explained.  “A signal is being sent out to not see you.  You saw how hard it was for Tony to hand things over.  The push is significant.  We don't see her because we literally can't ignore the push to not look at her.  She is sending that push to you too, Wanda.  It's why you can't read her mind.  Her telepathy is telling yours no one is there and then canceling out the noise around her too, it's that strong.  But because that's the case your attention is then drawn to the emptiness.  This also explains why cameras can see her and FRIDAY knows she is there.  They don't have thought waves to affect.  It also explains Vision because he is affected because he does have thought patterns but he's also a machine so his programming allows him to overwrite the push.”

“So … So what does that mean?”  You asked shuffling closer to Wanda.  She took your hand and you clung to her the way you had when she first brought you to the tower.  “Does that mean I'm stuck like this.”

There was a pause while the Mumble Bee repeated what you said and Bruce sighed.

“I - I don't know,”  Bruce said, looking down at his hand.  “I wish I had better news.  I'd like to say this is something you could learn to control.  But it's not like I've ever really learned how to control mine.  I mean… I have some.  But not when the stakes are highest.

You frowned and moved in closer to Wanda. She wrapped her arms around you and pressed a kiss on your forehead.

“Hey, we’re not giving up though.  You're with the only people on the planet who could help you with this.  Cap has said he will help with training you to use them.  Plus your cuddling without very own in house telepath.  If anyone can help you she can.”

That night you were quiet and withdrawn.  Tony had been keen for everyone to see the mumble bee in action and while everyone was that little bit more fascinated in you know they could interact, you were quiet and withdrawn and kept your answers minimal until you excused yourself, saying you weren't feeling well.

Wanda had followed you down to her apartment but you’d just switched off the bee and went to bed.  Wanda felt helpless.  She wished there was something she should say or do right now that would show you that this was going to be okay and you were going to learn how to control it.  The problem was, she didn’t even know if that was true.

When she went to bed, it was feeling heavy and hopeless.  Here she was falling for you and she couldn’t even reassure you that things would be okay.

She was just starting to drift off to sleep when her bedroom door opened.  “Wanda?”  You said softly.

“Mmm?”  She said sitting up.  “Did something happen?  Are you okay?”

“Yeah.  I was just wondering if I could sleep in with you?”  You said.

“Yes.  Of course.”  Wanda said.

You closed the door and climbed into bed with her.  She wrapped you tightly in her arms, holding you close.  “I feel so stupid.”  You whispered.  “I should be happy that people know I’m here.  I mean, I am.  But being with you and then having everyone else still not able to even make eye contact.  It hurts.  What if I never get that with anyone else again?”

“You will,”  Wanda said gently.  “I’ll help you.  And you’ll always have me.”

You shook your head.  “One day you’re going to want more than just me following you around like a needy puppy.”

Wanda pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.  She wanted to tell you that she didn’t want anyone else.  Instead, she just held you, until you drifted off to sleep.

// NEXT

[blancheludis]

@ironhusbandsweek @rhfenovemberbash Day 5: “Are you jealous?”

Fandom: MCU, Avengers, Iron Man Characters: Tony Stark/James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts Tags: Secret Marriage, Fluff, Humor, Love Words: 2.592

Summary: "Are you jealous?" Tony asks as he downs the champagne Rhodey hands him automatically. "Why do I have the feeling you want me to say yes?" Because then they'd have a reason to leave the Avengers party and make the night much more enjoyable for themselves.

- Rhodey and Tony are secretly married - right up until Rhodey blurts out their secret in the middle of an Avengers party. Nobody wants to believe that someone managed to make Tony Stark settle down, but they are gkad to set the Avengers straight.

---

Tony is breathless. Every once in a while, the Avengers throw a party for friends and influential people to mingle with them. Well, Tony throws the party and makes sure it becomes a success because the only other person on the team who knows how to entertain people is Natasha. The rest are more or less only good at one-on-one talks or shuffling around in the corner failing at not looking overwhelmed.

These are, admittedly, grand affairs. Steve, at least, should be used to them. The USO threw parties where he was the glittering guest of honour, and propaganda does not work half as well when the mascot does not follow the tune.

Tony was even holding back. The Avengers parties are orderly and dignified. He has organized wilder things from his dorm room without the funds and influence he has available to him today.

It does not matter much. People are happy talking to their heroes even if they appear too shy to get dragged onto the dancing floor or get drunk just for the fun of it. Natasha surely uses the evening to gather intel on every important guest, and Tony has seen Bruce discussing business with several other scientists. Barton looks like he would prefer crawling around the air shafts, although he should be used to the attention as a former circus performer. Steve sits next to him, nursing his champagne as if he is in any danger of getting tipsy from it.

While he is leading the wife of one of his shareholders over the dance floor, Tony sees Rhodey sitting down at the Avengers table, looking satisfied enough that he must have found someone to tell his stories too.

When the song comes to an end, Tony bows with a dazzling smile and delivers the woman right back into her husband’s hands, exchanging the needed compliments before he excuses himself. He needs a break and a drink – and possibly an excuse to sneak out of here. Parties are nice, and his parties are the best, but there are places he would much rather be.

Not stopping on his way despite several people trying to get his attention, Tony makes a beeline for the Avengers table and lets himself fall into the seat next to Rhodey with a long-suffering sigh. Without comment, Rhodey hands his glass over, which Tony drains gratefully.

Already far more content, Tony sets the glass down and grins up at Rhodey. His mere presence has him more relaxed.

“Are you jealous, buttercup?” Tony asks, nodding at the dancing floor as if he has done a great feat out there.

Rhodey’s expression becomes playful as he leans closer. “I have the feeling you want me to say yes.”

In a way, that is exactly what Tony wants. Then, they could make up an excuse and he could show Rhodey just why he does not have to be jealous and why Tony thinks he is the luckiest man alive.

Tony is happy to continue the banter, but in his single-minded mission to get back to Rhodey, he forgot that Clint and Steve are still present too.

“Why would Rhodes be jealous of you?” Clint drawls, his frown contrasting with his smirk. Contrary to their dear Captain, he is well on his way to being drunk. “There’s plenty of good-looking women around. And some of them are even unmarried, unlike the ones Tony is apparently going for.”

Tony has been dancing with a never-ending line of women, but he has not yet seen one that would be desirable for him.

“Her?” he asks and shrugs dismissively. He has already forgotten what she looked like. “Never. She spent the whole dance telling me about some old lady’s society. I didn’t get a single word in.”

He has not actually tried to, mostly because his thoughts were elsewhere. Worse than simply nodding at the right places would be to offer a comment on a completely different ttopic than whatever she was droning on about. Tony has learnt that the hard way.

Clint guffaws in disbelief. “Because you’re so shy when it comes to talking up?”

Turning to look at Clint, Tony schools his impression into something very unimpressed. It does get tiresome to have his virtues doubted constantly, although he should take it as a compliment for his acting skills.

“Depends on who I’m talking to,” Tony says, almost a snub. “I definitely would’ve said something if she had wanted a second dance.”

It already feels like he has danced with everyone in the room except for the one he actually wants to. That is a thing he knows by heart, however.

Clint’s frown deepens. “Then why the jealousy thing?” he asks, almost like he thinks Rhodey needs someone to protect him. From Tony. That is hilarious in its own right.

Feeling his grin broaden, Tony throws a glance at Rhodey, silently asking for permission. Rhodey appears just as amused, just as ready to mess with the Avengers a bit.

“I was asking whether he was jealous of her,” Tony says slowly, carefully intoning each word to make sure his friends understand him correctly.

Thankfully, Clint takes the bait. Behind him, even Steve looks interested, taking his eyes off the party around them to watch the spectacle right here at their table.

“Of what?” Clint asks, and it would not have surprised anyone had he added full offense to it.

Tony opens his arms a bit, almost presenting himself up for inspection. “Getting her hands all over me,” he says like it should be obvious. “She definitely got a feel in.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Clint mutters, then turns towards Rhodey. “I don’t get how you can stand this guy.”

“We make do,” Rhodey says. He is still smiling, but there is a dangerous edge to it that neither Clint nor Steve seem to notice because they both nod like it is reasonable to do so. “For the record, I’m always jealous when someone’s touching my husband when I’m not.”

While Tony’s smile brightens immediately like it always does when Rhodey calls him his husband, their audience takes a little longer to realize what has been said.

“That’s not –” Clint starts before he breaks off abruptly, eyes bulging. “Wait, what?”

In turn, Steve leans forward, the mild amusement on his face replaced by puzzlement. “Husband?” he asks as if he has difficulties fitting his tongue around the word.

Never once taking his eyes completely off his friends, Tony turns towards Rhodey, just barely suppressing the urge to take his hand. “Way to spring the news, platypus,” he drawls, seemingly unaffected.

They do not need to know that his heart is beating wildly as he hopes this will go over well. A lot of people have disapproved of Tony in his life, but very few know of his relationship with Rhodey. Pepper, Happy, Rhodey’s family. Jarvis did. And now the Avengers. It is none of their business, but Tony values their opinion nonetheless.

“You didn’t tell them?” Rhodey asks mildly as if he did not know. This is mostly a ploy to give Clint and Steve some time to mull this over. And to subtly make it clear that Tony did not trust them with his secret.

Tony shrugs. “Don’t tell me I should have.”

That probably says all about how long Tony expects this whole hero thing to last. How secure he feels in his place among the Avengers. How much he allows himself to trust them off the battlefield.

Steve has the decency to look slightly ashamed, even though the confusion has not completely disappeared from his face.

“Can we go back to when Rhodes called you his husband?” Clint speaks up. He does not sound accusing but more like he has smelled blood and wants to make the most of it.

“What of it?” Tony asks, sounding a bit snappish. “It’s been some decades. The official timeline varies, since we’ve had several ceremonies.”

Rhodey takes initiative then and reaches out to take Tony’s hand. They are practiced in hiding this under tables, but for Clint and Steve it is a very obvious gesture.

“Tony is fond of vows,” Rhodey explains solemnly, eyes gleaming with amused fondness. “He’s cried every single time.”

That he has, and he is not ashamed of it. Family has always been what Tony longed for the most, and Rhodey gave him that despite all evidence that he would be better off without a trouble magnet like Tony in his life.

“As if you’ve been any better,” Tony shoots back, squeezing Rhodey’s hand where nobody can see. He has half a mind to relocate this age-old argument to somewhere they are not watched. Surely, they have been sociable enough for the evening.

Rhodey squeezes back, which Tony interprets as a call for patience. They cannot tell such news and then disappear to leave the Avengers to deal alone with the aftermath.

“I didn’t cry during the Vegas ceremony,” Rhodey argues, as if this one time could make up for all the others.

Turning to him, Tony raises his eyebrows, trying to keep in his laughter. “But only because you were too worried about someone barging in.”

“The police were chasing us,” Rhodey drawls as if Tony could ever forget that fact. “Of course, I was worried.”

That was a glorious day. The priest had been very disapproving, interpreting their undue hurry for youthful ignorance instead of the very real worry of getting arrested. Well, that and the fact that Tony paid a whole lot of money for him to ignore that they were two men.

“And nothing happened,” Tony shrugs, still feeling that same exhilarating relief whenever he thinks back to that night. “Apart from wedding number three.”

“Four,” Rhodey counters without missing a beat.

That startles Tony enough to wholly face Rhodey instead of watching Clint and Steve, still waiting for an unfavourably reaction. “What?”

With a small, devilish grin, Rhodey explains, “I totally count your emotional breakdown during finals when you were clinging to me and demanded I promise to never leave you.”

In Tony’s defence, that was a dark time. They were nearing the end of their college years, so Tony was naturally afraid that Rhodey would go off and forget all about him. The alcohol might have made him overreact a bit.

Tony thinks about arguing, but then he shrugs. “That’s probably fair,” he says, “but that was before the first wedding.”

Looking even more amused, Rhodey nods. “You made up for it with your vows.”

No one can say that alcohol steals Tony’s eloquence. What he remembers from that night is a very heartfelt speech and a never-ending litany of love confessions. He is a romantic at heart.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Steve says, keeping Tony from continuing the argument, although he has a dozen examples of Rhodey being even cheesier than him.

As one, they turn around to look at Steve, who is looking back like they are something fascinating, a never before seen species.

“We are married, Capsicle,” Tony says shortly, wondering whether he has miscalculated and this will be a problem. “Even officially by now. Did it as soon as it was legal. Been together since MIT.” Smiling back at Rhodey, he adds, “Best decision of my life.”

“But you’re –” Clint gestures at Tony like his hand is going to make his point for him. Well, you.”

That is always the argument people bring up once they are over the fact that Tony Stark is apparently bisexual. Who would settle down with him? Who would suffer his insanities and moods? Was there not someone better available, even with the money and the company?

“I know,” Tony replies sharply, tightening his hold on Rhodey’s hand. “I realize I’m very lucky Rhodey took me. That’s why we’re renewing our vows every year.”

Steve still looks lost, glancing at Rhodey. “And you’re –”

“What, Captain?” Rhodey straightens, his face losing its smile. He means business now. “What is your problem? That we’re both men?”

Tony would love to watch Rhodey tear into Steve, but they are still in public, still have a party going on around them. They do not have time for a scene.

“No, platypus,” Tony argues sweetly, shifting slightly to block the direct line of sight between Rhodey and Steve. “I think he can’t get his head around someone wanting me.”

That is the easiest way of diverting Rhodey’s attention back to him. Anyone doubting Tony or talking ill of him might land directly on Rhodey’s shit list, but his fist priority will always be Tony’s well-being.

“That’s very short-sighted of him,” Rhodey says with a definitive warning in his voice even while he looks only at Tony. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

They are playing it up for their audience, the smiles and sickly sweet voices, but they also mean every word they say. Tony has given up on doubting Rhodey’s love at some point during their third year together. It is easier this way, and much more fulfilling.

“What about Pepper?” Steve asks, not yet done with making things worse for himself.

Sighing quietly, Tony turns around. “I asked her to marry me about a month after she started working for me,” he says and leaves it at that, knowing they will not hear anything beyond this for now.

“So you’re like –” Clint asks, pointing between the two of them and Pepper who is across the room, talking to some of the guests.

“We love her,” Tony says firmly. “Platonic soulmates and all that. Marrying her would’ve been a good alibi, but then buttercup and I could do the real thing instead of just promising our eternal love in the secrecy of our dorm room.”

Pepper had been very gracious about the whole thing. She does love them. They are all part of the same family. They are all much happier like this, however.

“Why does nobody know?” Steve questions, still a stranger to secrets.

This time, Clint looks at him with disbelief too. Naivety does not become the leader of the Avengers.

“Military, remember?” Rhodey replies with just a hint of an edge to his tone, almost as if this has not given them so much grief over the years. “It’s easier if nobody knows.”

There are more questions ready to fall from Steve’s lips, but Tony is done with the topic. There are advantages to getting the secret out there so that Rhodey and he do not have to hide in their own home anymore, but he could do without the interrogation.

“Anyway, good talk,” Tony exclaims, showing too many teeth with his smile. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take my husband for a spin.”

And they do dance. Wild enough and then close enough to turn heads, although nobody seems to interpret the love on their faces for what it is. This is just another normal night under Tony Stark’s roof. They have done this for years, hiding themselves in plain sight.

Since the Avengers know now, they might at least not have to be all secretive at home anymore. Tony is tired of sneaking around, and since Rhodey just clued them in, he probably is too.

It is a good thing because they have made a bet ages ago of how quickly they can make Captain America go red with embarrassment by making out in front of him. Their weekend plans just got all the more interesting.

[burlybanner]

Dust (ScienceBrosWeek, 2019)

Summary: Tony Stark is a rose, is a rose, is a rose. Or: I do not think that name means what you think it means (okay, really, I just thought that summary sounded cool. It means nothing...).

Disclaimer: This is different from my usual style and I’m not sure where this story is going. So I’m not sure when I’ll continue. But keep me honest; it’ll happen eventually.

Enjoy. Unbeta’d, as usual. **

Bruce simultaneously wiped his forehead and cupped his hand over his glasses, protecting his eyes from the glare of rusted junk scattered across the clearing. Besides machine parts there wasn’t much here other than brambles, scraggly brown weeds, and burnt patches of road gravel - and the occasional ugly ragged bird, scratching at burnt crumbs. The place hadn’t seen rain for weeks, or maybe even months, and the abandoned farm looked exactly like what he expected to see. Or worse. 

A sudden gust from the föhn-ish winds lazily shoved the air like a tired toddler and kicked up clouds of gravel dust, choking off the oxygen in Bruce’s throat. 

So, okay. Definitely worse.

He hazarded a glance at Tony who, despite the blistering heat, looked ready for a photo shoot. Bruce’s eyes narrowed. Was there ever a time Tony looked anything but perfectly put-together? Apart from the days he crawled beneath a clunker’s belly, to spin grime into polished chrome? 

“Remind me why we’re here again?” Sweat trickled from the hairs on Bruce’s neck. He could feel the droplets settling uncomfortably beneath his collar, merging with the grimy dust. The only positive? The weather was too hot and dry for mosquitoes - just gnats, pestering the hell out of them.

Bruce swatted back a gnat cloud before it got too close. “Scenic tour, is it?”

Tony’d gone strangely quiet, but then he’d also been uncharacteristically silent since their Cessna landed on the camouflaged airstrip a few hours ago. Their driver sped from the tarmac and over the twists and turns of winding county back roads. For ninety minutes Tony silently sipped from a flask off and on, until they unearthed this dead place. The most Bruce got from him in an hour was a few rough, “uh huhs,” some “maybes,” and a chuckle or two. And already unsettled from the plane ride (he was a terrible flier, everyone knew it), Bruce let the bumpy ride lull him to sleep. He’d been too tired and frustrated to question Tony’s silence. 

When the limo slowed Bruce opened his eyes, shaking the lingering sleep from his bones. He listened as the limo’s tires popped and rumbled over craggy rocks and pebbles and groaned and stretched as the limo lumbered to a stop. After they exited the car, he briefly watched as it receded into a canopy of knotty trees and wondered if Happy would ever find them again.  

Tony inhaled sharply and twisted his body in Bruce’s direction. “Not exactly.” The metal frames of his glasses caught the sun, causing Bruce to squint. Tony’s grin didn’t reassure him. “Let’s head inside. Away from the heat.”

Bruce tried, failed from halting a comical double-take. “Where?” He scrunched his face at the distant “barn,” a careening red structure and one strong wind away from becoming rubble. “Surely not--”

“Appearances, Brucie,” Tony said, taking off his jacket and slinging it over one shoulder. He strode towards the barn before Bruce angrily trudged after him. “You of all people should know what that means.”

“It’s a mile away, so you better be right,” Bruce grumbled. He wasn’t in the mood but admittedly he’d been spoiled. Years ago, dry, dust-choked places like this wouldn’t have phased him in the least. They were paradises, in some lands. But he’d hung around Tony’s sweet life for far too long now and  yearned for temperature controlled buildings and AIA-winning environments. 

He made a face and huffed after Tony’s rapid retreat, suddenly hating how mercilessly soft he’d become. He knew that meant more than one thing but it hurt to poke the truth. He’d rather be angry at himself, at how quickly his former physique had devolved to flab.

Tony flipped around and walked backwards so Bruce could catch up. “If you went for a run with me every so often,” he grinned, and Bruce wanted to punch his gleaming teeth, “you wouldn’t be so out of breath.”

“I’d rather be fat, than a drunk,” Bruce retorted hotly, but Tony’s grin didn’t falter as Bruce matched the billionaire’s steps. 

“Tsk. Temper, temper, Brucie. And touche.” Tony gave Bruce a cursory nod and slowed his pace. “You’re not huge, you’re chub light. High side of average for a red-blooded American male.”

“Are you going to keep jabbering on about my weight, or are you going to explain why we’re here?”

Tony’s smile thinned, catching Bruce off-guard. He preferred their banter, honestly. Much better than the sadness he caught from Tony’s eye. “Do you remember,” Tony sighed, “when my father died?”

“Yeah, of course I do.” Bruce’s tone softened and Tony further slowed as they trudged toward the barn. “We’d gone our separate ways. Rhodey to the armed forces, me to the Peace Corps. You were finishing up your doctoral thesis, as I recall.” 

“Mmhm.” The rest of his response died a little, muffled by their feet scraping the gravel pathway. “Howard Stark, entrepreneur extraordinaire. I took over the business, kicked out the old guard, fought my way back to the top before buying you back from the government a decade later—”

“Not true,” Bruce puffed. “I was an aid worker then.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Barely scraping by. Ross still had your patents. Once you ran out of money, you would’ve crawled back to him soon enough. He was counting on it.”

“Whatever,” Bruce rumbled. “Anyway. Yes. You bought back my patents from the government. And you turned SI from a monster into a clean tech leader, turned Rhodey into SI’s government liaison - with their blessing - and turned me into a fat desk jockey.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, giving Bruce the side-eye.

“Fine,” Bruce rumbled. “Sitting and eating behind a desk turned me into a fat desk jockey. And before you ask, no I’m not blaming you. It’s my own doing after becoming SI’s R&D lead.” He waved off his anger, pretending to swat another cloud of gnats. “So? What’s your point? That’s ancient history. We know that.” He gestured between them. “You, me. Rhodey. The three of us know that.” 

“However. I never told you the whole story.”

Bruce opened his mouth but couldn’t find anything to say. He’d known Tony for over twenty years, but never knew Tony to hide anything from him. Or Rhodey. “What story?” He finally asked. 

“That Pops was a...Secret Agent, man,” Tony sang, off-key. “Helped run covert ops with my Aunt Peg.”

Bruce stopped dead and only partly because his feet hurt. “You’re putting me on.” But after a few beats of silence he realized the man wasn’t joking. “Seriously, your Dad? The asshole?”

“Hey, now,” Tony admonished. “Only I’m allowed to call him that. And don’t stand there like a dead pigeon. There are spies around and they get trigger happy if people linger out here.”

“What?” Bruce ducked and wildly glanced around the plains.

“Sorry. I’m joking.” Tony snickered and waited until Bruce caught up. “At least I think I’m joking. Honestly, I don’t know how spies operate.”

“Jesus Christ. Don’t joke about that. I still get nightmares of the DRC.”

“Sorry,” Tony repeated, and Bruce could tell he was genuinely sorry. Then, after a pause: “I...didn’t know you still had ‘em.”

Bruce rubbed his brow ridge with a shaky thumb. He would’ve let him off, told him he was joking, but it would’ve been a lie and he never was any good at fibbing, either. “You never really forget.”

“True.” 

Bruce opened his mouth then quietly shut it; it wasn’t the time or the place. If they wanted to swap more horror stories and compare pasts it’d take a lot of time and beer. Copious amounts of both. 

He’d heard about Tony’s kidnapping while abroad and although it mirrored some of his experiences, Bruce’s own detention had been...longer. He’d broke from his initial captivity before spending years on the run, fighting his way from militia group to militia group and running illegally through foreign checkpoints. Sometimes he got caught. Sometimes good people died. He regretted much of what he did to survive, to get back. And Rhodey hadn’t been around to rescue him like he’d done for Tony. 

Still. They both realized how lucky they’d been. Despite how it changed them.

Tony stopped and Bruce realized they’d made it to the barn; it was just as bad up close. “Not much to look at,” he grumbled at the gaping front. He assessed its dilapidated state while trying to catch his breath.

Tony grinned and pulled a rickety sliding door. Bruce briefly massaged his hamstring. “What did I tell you about appearances?”

Bruce shot Tony a rude gesture.

Tony laughed, hopping inside. 

When they passed from the blazing sun into the barn, Bruce shielded his eyes again. He blinked to let his eyes adjust to the sudden change from light to dark and briefly made out a few motes, dancing between streams of warped wood. When he could fully see he saw what he expected: A pitchfork, some old bales of hay. A broken tractor.

But the man surprised him.

“Hey, Clint,” Tony said, waving to a guy casually chilling in the corner. He had sandy blonde hair and was reading a magazine while chewing on a straw. He could’ve passed for a farmer, apart from the black tactical coveralls. And sidearm. 

“Mr. Stark.” Clint didn’t even look up. “You ready?”

“Yeah. Dr. Banner’s with me.”

Bruce unconsciously began backing away. “Tony...”

Tony squeezed his shoulder and Bruce found himself melting into Tony’s touch. He hated the pull Tony had over him, but he’d take whatever he could get these days. “Don’t bolt, Brucie,” he murmured. “Promise, it’s all good. No one’s gonna stuff you in a trunk.”

“That’s what they said at the Sudan border. Look how that turned out.”

“Bruce.” Tony waited until Bruce turned to him. Tony’s eyes had hypnotic qualities, Bruce swore they did. His heart slowed and his panic fled as Tony stared him down. For good measure, for Bruce’s peace of mind, he bumped foreheads with him. “Trust me.”

“All right. Okay.” Bruce licked his dry lips. “Okay.”

Clint had been shadowing them but Bruce hadn’t noticed. The man had slipped to the door and gestured to a wall switch, still flipping through his magazine and paying them no mind. Bruce’s paranoia spiked. Really, this guy was good at his job. Too good. 

“Goin’ down?”

“Yeah.”

Bruce staggered back when flaps rose out of the floor, revealing a platform lift growing from the ground like a flower.

“Like I said,” Tony said, when the lift stopped. “Appearances.” The platform was only big enough for four small people, but at least it had a safety cage with handrails so they couldn’t fall to their deaths. 

Tony pulled the metal gate and stepped inside. Clint followed behind him.  “Coming?”

Bruce swallowed, but Tony’s voice lingered in his mind: Trust me.

“Guess so.”

Bruce tentatively followed Tony onto the platform,  allowing whatever fate had in store.

[lifebeginsbyleaving]

the party (part two)

"I'm serious anybody could come snatch him up. Sharon, Thor-" Bucky reflexively glanced over where Thor was talking to a completely enthralled Peter. "Nat, Couls-" Sam droned on listing person after person.

"Sam don't be ridiculous." Bucky rolled his eyes.

"on. That long haired homeless man that stares at him." That caught Bucky's attention. He seemed on guard and looking for an attack. "He creeps me out. He always seems up to something. I think he's got a thing for Steve or som-"

"What man? Where did you see him? Did he look dangerous? Did he talk to Steve? Did Steve talk to him?" His questions came out nearly as fast as his explanations to ma Rogers used to. She always said speed is what gave him away. When he finished his assault of questions he paused his intentful stare at Sam to habitually check on Steve who was walking away from the bar.

"Look for yourself." Sam pointed to the wall behind the bar... which was a mirror.

"Sam I don-" Bucky's confused face met Sam's shit eating grin. The wrinkles on Bucky's forehead smoothed and his jaw clenched. "Very funny Wilson." Sam was always hinting at something between them. So was Tony he always said since he came back Steve wasn't in their relationship as much, and that he was why it ended. He wished that were true. Sam had become more insistent lately though. But him and Bucky have been friends long enough, long enough with Steve to get it all the time, and long enough with Sam that Bucky lets it slide. Besides they joke and tease each other about everything if Bucky told him to stop he'd have to explain why.

Sam nodded. "Yes I agree. It is very funny how you even thought that was a joke. Come on man, you need to get a haircut. You look like cousin it and repunzel had a ugly ass baby." As the bartender walked by Sam tapped the bar to order a round of shots.

"Keep talking Wilson I'll go back into your apartment and leave an even better suprise this time."

"Don't even joke about that! I'm still beyond pissed at you."

"Yeah? Tell me are you also still cleaning bird shit and feathers out of your carpet?"

"Barnes you ass it was fourty three birds of fucking course I still am!"

"Well you deserved it." Bucky smiled wistfully at his past prank. Sam was indeed still pissed and had enough to drink that his filter wasn't quite fast enough.

"Oh yeah why? Because I told the truth about you not even being able to smell bullshit anymore because of how long you've been up Steve's ass?" Bucky seemed shocked and he tensed up, but Sam had started and he had had enough of their crap. "Cuz that's what this little dance you do around each other is. It's bullshit." Bucky went to open his mouth. "Don't even try and deny it. We all know you've been inlove with each other since the good'ol days when you were The Captain and The Howling Commandos fighting the war. And we all know you're both unable to admit it." Sam sobered up too late. When he saw Bucky's blank face he knew tipsy or not he went too far. "Hey man I didn-"

"You're wrong."

"Alright I'm sor-"

"I've been in love with him ever since he was just a punk kid fighting bullies. And you're wrong about one other thing too." Bucky's face looked the kind of pained that only soul crushing heartbreak could bring. Bucky looked down at his drink. "I did tell him." He finished his newly acquired shot and turned back to Sam with a smile so fake and hurt it made Sam feel shittier than his apartment carpet.

Bucky continued. "One night Steve got the shit beat out of him. I had to drag him out of the alley bloody. Nothing out of the normal, but this time he convinced me to take shots with him. He said it was for the pain. He's always been a crafty little shit. Well pretty soon we drank enough giggle juice we were both tipsy. And I kissed him. Then he made me promise I would never do anything like it again, cuz it was a sin." Bucky let out a heartless scoff.

"Bucky he was drunk may-" Bucky cut him off blankly.

"Yeah that's what I thought too. So before I left for the war I told him again. That night was a fluke normally I would never be brave enough to say how I felt, but leaving for the war I knew I wouldn't make it back to him so I told him, the morning I left. He said I'd need God to watch out for me so I shouldn't go saying stuff like that. He also said I'd find a doll and settle down some day after the war. And I was okay with it." Bucky shrugged his shoulders with an air of acceptance.

"I had gone to church with Steve and his ma. I knew what he was raised to believe. I knew it was wrong in his eyes, and I was okay with it. I knew the times we lived in, so I was okay with it. I was okay with it because if I was dying it wouldn't matter, I'd be better if he didn't actually he could move on. I was okay when he rescued me. I was okay when he fell inlove with Peggy. But after my fall after... after hydra, after Germany I found out about him and Tony." His eyes were too red and glossy for Sam to believe that the party was continuing on around them without a care.

"When I found out, I knew he had gotten over thinking it was wrong, so I told him again. I told him I remembered kissing him in our little studio apartment, the kiss that tasted of whiskey. And you know what he said Sam?"

Sam braced for whatever terrible words that had a tear rolling down Bucky's cheek.

"'You're remembering wrong buck. Hydra did that to you.'" Bucky quoted with a clarity that only comes from repeating words over and over till you have them ingrained in your brain.

Sam's mouth involuntarily opened.

"I believed him too. Intill I was looking for a photo one day and in an old box I found the cap to the whiskey bottle, it still had the dent from when Steve threw it across the room missing the garbage. So you see Sam I did tell him. And he finally realized it isn't wrong. He just doesn't love me that way. Sometimes it seems like he does but he doesn't. He doesn't love me the way I love him and he would rather tell that horrible of a lie than have to say it to my face."

"I'm sorry Bucky I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No it's okay. It's all okay. I still love him and he still loves me." Bucky said all of it with a steady even tone, but in his eyes you could tell none of what he said meant what it was supposed to.

Steve POV

Steve could sense someone jogging up behind him interrupting his conversation with Maria. "Mr. Captain America Steven Rogers sir. I hav-" Steve turned around just intime to see a flurry of hands moving.

"Queens I told you to just call me Steve." Maria, sensing this would be a long conversation, walked away.

"Steve sir I have a glass of champagne for you. Well it might be warm now. And I think some of the bubbles are gone. I ran into Thor and we started talking abo-"

"Peter. How did you even get alcohol? I thought that Pepper told the bartenders to disregard Tony's approval of them giving you alcohol."

"Well she did, which he wasn't too happy about. But they didn't give me alcohol."

Steve glanced at the glass that was getting less and less full as Peter gestured wildly.

"Really?" He said equably.

"Well I mean I guess they saw me get it, but they didn't give it to me. Mr. Stark did."

"And why exactly are you giving it to me if Stark gave it to you?"

"Oh well he said to. Didn't I start there? I thought I did. Maybe I didn't. Did I tell you that he also told me to tell you that you should loosen up? Or something like that. Oh well I gue-"

Steve took the less than half full, warm, flat glass from him. "Thank you Peter. Did you know Clint asked if you'd make a webbing arrow for him?"

Peter's eyes widened. "Hawkeye wants me to make him an arrow."

Steve pointed up to where Clint was. "I don't know for sure you should go ask him."

Peter's head bobbed up and down. "Thank you Captain Am-" Peter cut himself off and did finger guns at Steve. "Steve sir."

"Thank you Peter for the champagne, goodbye." Steve said to the back of Peter's head as he was bumping into people trying to make his way through the party crowd.

Steve laughed and shook his head while looking down at the glass. When he looked up he caught sight of Tony out on the balcony. With another drink on his hand. Steve looked down at the glass Tony sent over and then over to one he wanted to take out of his hands before. Looking inbetween the two he wondered what was the difference. If Tony could send over a glass and tell him to loosen up, he could take one and put his friend to bed.

Platonically.

They were still friends and Steve still cared about him. They both could care for each other still in their own ways, and maybe a part of him wasn't ready to say goodbye to them taking care of each other. Maybe he wanted to be needed. Maybe he wanted to worry about someone he could help. Not Captain America, but Steve. Maybe Steve needed to love and be loved. Maybe Steve needed something he wouldn't lose or break.

Natasha's voice yelling words above the chatter of the crowd pulled Steve's head up, and after following her line of sight he realized it wasn't words but a name repeated. James. Bucky left the bar and made his way over to her.

He was about to follow him when he remembered the glass. He looked back towards the balcony and decided to head out there first he could find Bucky after. He tried to get out there fast, but he kept being stopped by people who wanted to talk. He finally was at the door.

Bucky POV

Bucky was wondering if his serum was failing him and he was susceptible to the effects of alcohol again, because at the sight of Steve trying so hard to get out on that balcony with Tony his stomach was wanting to find the nearest garbage can.

"James are you alright?"

He turned back with a grin. "Of course Natalia."

They both got lost in the conversation again telling the usual kinds of stories about missions, modern times, and Steve.

"I'm not kidding he jumped out without a parachute."

"That punk!" Bucky said exasperated but without a drop of disbelief and a smile.

Natasha smiled and her eyes lit up in a way that let you know this was going to be good. "Hey did I ever tell you about that time Steve legit fell out of a fucking tree trying to rescue a stuck kitten? How cliche can he be."

Bucky let out a loud open laugh. "Did I ever tell you that's not the first time that has happened?"

"No way. I though 'mister gee golly here's your cat dollface' couldn't get any more pathetic."

"He was nine and he broke his arm and he fell on me and he didn't get the cat. Mr. Snuffles jumped down on his own."

"That is gold. Keep talking. Was the little old lady cat owner upset?"

"No, actually the cat belonged to a classmate, Karen. Steve had a crush on her. She was upset he got hurt. So she kissed him on the cheek for his bravery. Told him that it's okay he didn't get the cat at least he was brave. But then she had to get Mr. Suffles back, so I took him home myself like always. And he complained the entire way. Not about the pain, about how he almost impressed her." Bucky said with a roll of his eyes.

"So here we are I'm limping down the street cuz when he fell I tried to catch him which all that got me was a sprained ankle. So I'm opening doors and Stevies holding me up, and he's just going on and on about how he almost had the cat. And then he says 'Gee I guess next time I shouldn't try to grab it by the tail.'"

Natasha burst out laughing.

"And I was so done I wanted to leave his scrawny ass there and I would've if I didn't think his ma would kill me. So I just said 'Steve I hope to God you didn't hit your head cuz you can't afford to lose anymore brains.' And he just went right on back to belly achin about her, and saying he hopes the cat is okay, and maybe if he'd have gotten it down she would've kissed him proper."

Bucky's wide smile was starting to hurt his flushed cheeks.

"So we're still a couple blocks from home taking a short cut through an alley, I've had enough at this point so I say. 'Would you shut up if you would've gotten a kiss on the lips for your bravery?' Well his face turned a darker shade of pink than the heat had given him. Then he said yeah he'd be so happy he wouldn't know what to say."

Bucky took another swig from the silver flask engraved with 'T.O.' Nat had given him.

"So I kissed him in that alley and told him to shut the hell up." Nat's face flashed with suprise then a knowing grin.

"He was cherry red and didn't say another peep the entire way home." Bucky seemed to be reliving his previous victory and took another giant gulp.

"Okay easy there tiger. That isn't Jim Beam." Natasha tried to take the flask from him.

"Hey Natalia what do you think he'd do if I kissed him now?" Bucky giggled and looked down. "I think he'd turn as red as his shield."

Natasha's face went serious. "James I think I should take you to your room." She moved to help him. Bucky looked back up and was wearing a matching grave expression.

"I think he'd hate me." They held eyes for a bit standing in the tenseness of that moment, Nat with her hands outstretched to guide him and Bucky with a vulnerable look in his eyes.

Bucky was giggling now so Nat snapped back to what she was doing.

"James let's get you to your room." She put one of his arms over her shoulders as she pulled him up straight and toward the door.

"Nat I don't want to go. I only came to this party to see Steve and I haven't seen him yet." He looked up at her from where he was slumped down at her side and batted his eyelashes.

"Let's go lover boy. One foot infront of the other." They were half way to the door when Steve appeared blocking their path.

"What happened? Is he drugged? Is he hallucinating again?" At the sight of Steve he stood up straight, and Natasha suspiciously was able to let go of his arm.

"Steve." Bucky said while smiling at him.

"No he's drunk." Steve looked at her confused.

"Drunk? We can't get drunk." Bucky was looking every where except at them waiting for the conversation to be over.

"He had a couple sips from Thor's flask."

"Even then it took me a couple glasses to even get buzzed." Bucky was finding the chandelier above them particularly interesting. Nat tilted her head and made a considering look.

"Huh that's interesting. Maybe it's because of the difference in serums. I'd make sense if he was less tolerant than you." Steve nodded accepting this theory. Bucky looked back down at her.

"Okay let's get him to sleep." Steve started walking closer to help Bucky.

"You should get him a bottle of water from the bar while we're here." Steve nodded and left.

Natasha whirled to face Bucky with a hard glare. "Alright Barnes I don't know why you thought you had to play drunk to talk to me honestly, and I don't care right now. You need to stop this."

Bucky looked spiteful. "Why Natalia? Why do I need to stop?"

"Because if you want to say something so badly that you're willing to try and trick me into listening, maybe you should be saying it to the person you actually want to be hearing it. And I don't fin-"

"Drink some of this." Steve handed Bucky the water as fast as he'd rushed back over. Bucky grinned and moved closer to Steve.

"Thans buddy. Iss nice of ya." Bucky said slurring his words while trying to grab the bottle, and missing.

"Okay definitely time we called it a night. Have a good time Nat."

"You boys too. Maybe if James could get a few words out you could've had a good night too." Natasha gave Bucky a smile that he could tell was every bit a double edge sword as her words.

"That's okay I'm tired anyway. Come on Buck." He assumed the position Natasha had previously filled. Bucky draped himself across Steve, letting himself be led out of the room.

Steve pushed open Bucky's room door while stuggling not to drop the water bottle or Bucky.

"There we go. Alright let's get ready for bed." He gently set Bucky down on the bed, and looked down at him. "I thought we were done with these days when neither of us could get drunk anymore." He said with a laugh.

"I'm sawrry Stevie." Bucky slurred with a pout as he swayed where he was sitting up on the edge of the bed. Steve knelt inbetween Bucky's legs and looked up at him as he brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. He gently laid his hand on Bucky's cheek.

"Don't be sorry Buck it's okay. I'm here." His thumb started brushing along Bucky's cheekbone and Bucky melted into it as his eyes fluttered shut. "We have to take your dress shoes off." Steve's hand was no longer supporting his head, he snapped back into the moment seeing Steve unlace his shoes.

"We can go bed. No. Wait. We can go to bed. Yes let's go bed." Steve smiled at him adoringly as he pulled off his shoes.

"No Buck we have to get ready for bed first." He pulled Bucky's hand to stretch it out and pulled his suit coat sleeve. He repeated the process with the other arm. Bucky left his arms stretched out on both sides of Steve's head, and Steve chuckled. He grabbed his right hand and kissed his knuckles before setting it on his lap. His left hand was cool on his lips and he had to hold on as Bucky tried to pull away. After both hands were in his lap Steve smiled at him and started with his shirt and tie.

Bucky decided to take Natasha's advice. He mustered up all the courage he could. "Hey Stevie?"

"Yeah Buck?"

Bucky looked down at Steve's face. "What would you do if I kissed you right now?" Steve's hands paused on the button he was unbuttoning, but he didn't look away from it.

"I'd tell you to sleep it off." He resumed his work.

There was a beat of silence.

"And what if I kissed you in the morning?" This time Steve's hands dropped to his sides.

"I'd deal with it in the morning."

Bucky decided to punch Natasha in the gut next time he saw her, so she could feel how it felt. "Okay."

As Steve finished the buttons the tenseness faded. Steve undid his belt before speaking. "Alright you're going to have to work with me. This is always where we ended up on the floor. Lie back."

Bucky seemed to not hear him, because he made no movements. "Stevie I can stand up."

Steve leveled him with a look that said 'oh really that's what you always say and why we end up on the floor'. Steve stood up and put his right knee on the bed beside Bucky. He put his right hand behind Bucky's head and cradled it and his other arm on Bucky's right shoulder.

"Lie back." He whispered loud enough for him to hear. Bucky sat dumbstruck not knowing what was happening while looking up at Steve. He pushed on Bucky's shoulder, and gently guided his head down as Bucky went pliant in his hands. The hand that was on his shoulder moved to the bed so Steve could keep his balance hovering over him his other hand still tangled in his hair.

They both just stared at each others faces with looks of vulnerability. Bucky's mouth was so dry he wondered if he could even speak.

"Is this what you meant?" Bucky let out softly. Steve was staring at Bucky's close face with a sense of uncertainty.

"Um. Yeah. Yeah Buck this is what I meant." As Steve quietly answered Bucky looked down at his moving lips, and then back up to his eyes.

"Okay." Bucky swallowed hard from the tension of not knowing what to do next. Steve's eyes wandered his face and he stayed under him waiting. Steve's eyes landed on his mouth which snapped him out of his stare. He got off Bucky hurriedly. He was back to half kneeling on the bed.

"Right, pants. We need to-" Bucky followed his movements on instinct not wanting to have distance. Steve put a hand on his chest. "No. Stay." He said firmly. Bucky looked at him through his lashes and submissively went back on his elbows.

Bucky's heart started pounding as Steve unbuttoned his pants. As soon as Steve finished with the button he looked back down at Bucky. He trailed his right hand over to Bucky's hip and hooked a belt loop with the other hand. "Up." He said as he pulled Bucky's hip up to his and yanked his pants down with the other. Once they were passed his ass Steve guided Bucky back down and unhooked his fingers. Steve's hands gripped around his thighs to drag his pants all the way off and Bucky gasped. Steve looked down and finished sliding his hands down Bucky's thighs. Bucky closed his eyes and imagined that Steve wasn't doing this just to put him to bed.

"You um," Bucky cleared his throat. "You do this to everyone at Stark's parties, or am I special?" Steve stiffened.

"No I don't." Steve said tensely as he gathered Bucky's clothes from the floor.

"Oh yeah then am I special?" Bucky said in a hopeful tone that was supposed to be more play than it was.

"You're drunk Bucky." Steve said as he turned to put Bucky's clothes away. Bucky sat up angry.

"If you don't want to be here then leave Steve." After he finished he came back from the closet to the dresser.

"Do you want a t-shirt or a tank top?"

"Steve I said leave." Bucky spat back.

He turned back around with a tank top and threw a pair of joggers on the bed. "No you said if I didn't want to be here then leave, but I'm still here. Because I want to be."

Bucky looked at him with venom in his eyes. "Do you? Do you want to be here? Because I don't think you do. And I'm si-"

"What are you talking about Buck? Of course I want to be here. I'll al-" Steve said dismissively.

"I wasn't done." Bucky coldly interrupted. "And no you don't. If you did you would've talked to me at some point during the party that you insisted I go to. You wouldn't have spent the entire night trying to talk with Tony. You don't want to be here with me, you just can't be with him."

"Buck come on let's not talk about this now we can in the morning." Steve tried to come closer to change his shirt.

"No." Bucky snapped. "I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. I can't. I'm done with this bullshit. I'm done pretending that it doesn't hurt everytime you disregard my pain just to worry about Tony. I'm not okay Steve. I haven't been thanks for noticing. You're supposed to be my best friend, but Sam has been the one keeping me together. You don't even seem to worry anymore, so if I'm that unimportant I might as well just leave." Steve's eyes widened and his mouth opened as Bucky grabbed his clothes and got up to leave.

"No Buck you can't! You are important to me, how can you even say that!" Steve grabbed Bucky's arms. Bucky pushed him away.

"How can I say that? Because you've been barely talking to me. I had to pretend to be fucking drunk for you to even touch me." Steve looked taken aback. "You hadn't called me Buck in ages intill tonight. So what is it? Tell me. Tell me!" Bucky shouted. "Is it the winter soldier? Is it because I'm a monster that ate your best friend? Because if it is stop playing fucking saint that doesn't care and just tell me! Tell me so I can leave."

"No! No. Jesus Bucky never! You aren't a monster you are my best friend. I'm sorry. I'll be better. I'll be a better friend." Bucky scoffed.

"And there it is. Friend. You know I wouldn't care if you just didn't feel the same way, but sometimes like tonight I swear you love me just as much as I do you. Yet you deny it can happen, well then why the fuck were you looking at me tonight like you would give anything in the world to kiss me? I know people's opinions and God stopped you before, but it's different now and you and Tony so why can't we be together? Why do you seem like you care so much and then you're running after Tony like he's the only person in the world? I know you were okay with the break-up, so why can't you move on? After tonight I'm sure you love me like you love Tony so why? Just tell me why. Tell me why and I'll stay." Bucky sucked in a large breath and looked at Steve lost, pleading, and hurt.

Steve was quiet.

He walked further into the room away from Bucky to start pacing. Bucky took him turning away as a sign that they were done. He scoffed and started walking to the bathroom to change and leave. Steve heard him and panicked. He started speaking hurriedly.

"Maybe I don't want to break you! Maybe I can't care about you in that way because I know the second I do there will be no going back for me! And maybe I couldn't live with myself if something happened and we couldn't go back to what we were! Maybe I want to love you so God damn bad it burns in my bones," Steve started walking back towards him. "but I can't! Because what if I do something and I lose you! What if I need you but I can't fucking have you! Buck I want to take care of you so damn bad I want to love you the way you deserve. But I can't take care of you like you could me. When you came back to me not knowing your own name our roles switched and it scares the hell out of me, because the last time that happened you ended up on the bottom of a mountain. Because suddenly I was the strong one, but I still wasn't strong enough to protect you. You've always been the one that takes care of me. Even after I became Captain America. But now? I don't know what to do, and I can't fail you again. Maybe I have to pretend you're okay so I don't have to worry about you. Because maybe if I worry about you I'll realize you're not okay. And I don't know what to do about it! God damn it Bucky how the fuck am I supposed to fix everything! How am I supposed to make it all okay? How did you?" Steve's passionate rant ended with him looking at Bucky with pleading eyes.

Bucky stated at him soaking in all he said and processing.

"How do you with Tony? How do you fix it with him?"

"I obviously didn't we aren't together anymore, and I can't do that with you." Steve looked beaten.

"Well fine then how did you before?" Bucky snapped he was done not getting answers he liked.

"Tony needed me in a way I knew. I know how to take care of him, because it's the way I used to take care of you. Taking care of you while you were drunk coming home after seeing dames was always easy. And maybe that's part of the reason I was drawn to him."

Bucky looked at him sadly. "Steve you can't love him because he's almost how I used to be. And you can't not love me because you think something will happen. You still love him, and it sounds like- It sounds like you just want to stop loving me." Bucky stated tearing up.

"I know I do. I know I still love Tony and I always will, and I know I love you, I always have. But Buck you aren't understanding. Don't cry. Please. Just let me explain." Bucky's tears were not stopped by Steve's pleas. "Okay look, I was just as upset when Tony almost died as I was when I was saying goodbye to Peggy. But it didn't hurt like that when you died. They were so important to me. But not like you. I needed to be with them because I loved them so much. But not you. Do you know why?"

"Stop. Steve stop please. Please I can't hear this. I can't." Bucky's tears were streaming down his heartbroken face.

"No Bucky listen. It was because I mourned their loss. I was heartbroken about not being with them anymore. But with you it's different. When the train happened it wasn't like I was mourning someone I loved. It was like I was lost. It was like I died. My heart didn't break over your loss Buck. It was like I didn't even have one anymore. When you fell I lost my everything. And I don't know how I even kept going but I did. I just kept thinking how if I wouldn't have made you fight with me you wouldn't have had to die. How it was my fault. I didn't protect you. Because I didn't know how. We always had each others backs in any fight, but you were always the one that knew when to run and I didn't let you. I pulled you with me. And seeing you fall was the worst thing that I've ever had to live through." Steve was crying just as much as Bucky now. "Then you were back and I wanted so badly to help you, but I just dragged you into a mess with everyone. I didn't know what to say that would make it okay. Especially since I'm the one that- that let you fall. That let you go through being brainwashed. That let you be used as a weapon. I'm the one that let you down. I should've just let you go home. It was my fault. I did that." Steve was sobbing. "Buck I can't be the reason you get hurt again. Buck I can't. I can't. Buck, I can't. I- I ca" Steve's head was shaking back and forth and his chest was hammering breaths in and out. Bucky moved closer and grabbed his arms. "Buck I can- I can't breathe. Buck."

"Listen to me Steve we are both fine. We're okay. We're here together and it's okay." Steve was holding on to him as tight as he could.

"I nee- I need my- my med- medicine."

"No you don't Steve. You aren't having a asthma attack. You're having a panic attack. You need to slow your breathing. It's going to be okay. I won't leave you. I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault, all that matters is that I'm here now I'm okay. Steve look into my eyes." Steve was still shaking his head, so Bucky put a hand on one side of his face and held on. Steve's lip was quivering and he had snot dripping. "Look at me." Steve's eyes focused on Bucky's. "Good. That's good. Look. Just look. You and me that's all we need. And look we have it we're going to be okay. We are okay. It's going to be okay." Steve's breath started to slow.

"You did not let me fall. And none of it was your fault. Nothing could've kept me from following you. You didn't hurt me." Steve's breath hitched at that and Bucky could tell he didn't need to hear that now. "But what you did do is save me. You cut through decades of brainwashing just by saying my name. You give me purpose and a reason to fight." Steve's breathing was still fast, but not worryingly so. "The best parts of me are what I stole from you. If you think you're the only one lost without the other you're not. I mean I went a couple months without you and I got fake drunk at a fancy party." Steve laughed and Bucky beamed. "I mean come on that's even more pathetic than being real drunk at a fancy party."

"Yeah it is." All the air that Steve had been pushing out punched into Bucky in a single breath that he didn't even know he'd been holding. "Especially since you had me change you."

Bucky acted offended. "You punk you're barely breathin again and you're already givin me grief." Steve smiled.

"Well if I didn't who would. You jerk." Steve's smile turned sour and he looked away. "I'm sorry about that. We were talking and I- I'm sorry."

Bucky wiped Steve's face. "Don't be. I was so focused on how you weren't there for me I didn't even think to be there for you. We're going to put it all aside and be okay tonight." Steve's hands were still shaking.

"Okay." Steve yawned.

"We should go to sleep." Bucky shrugged off his unbuttoned dress shirt and grabbed the tank top from the bed. As he was putting it on Steve started to speak.

"Buck? Can I-" Steve threw the joggers at him, and went over to the dresser. He pulled out a t-shirt. And threw it on the bed.

"Well what are you waiting for? Me to help you? I would if you asked really nicely." Bucky smiled and crossed his arms as he rested against the dresser.

"Bucky would you please help me?" Bucky was caught off guard, but recovered smoothly. He walked over and replied.

"Of course Stevie. Always."

After they got changed Steve stood awkwardly still with trembling hands. "Buck c-"

"Yes." Bucky didn't even spare him a glance as he got into bed.

"You don't even know what I was going to say asshole. Listen." Bucky cocked an eyebrow up.

"Before you were going to ask to borrow some of my clothes, and just now you wanted to know if you could sleep in my bed. My answer to both is yes, so yes." Steve frowned at him. "Stevie I know you better than anyone, and it's far from the first time you've asked. So get your scrawny ass into this bed it's cold on your side."

"I am not scrawny anymore." Bucky smirked "You'll always be scrawny to me." Bucky held the covers up for him and Steve slid into bed. Bucky turned off the lamp beside the bed, but enough city light filtered through the curtains to softly illuminate the room. "Goodnight Stevie." Bucky said before rolling over.

"Goodnight Buck." Steve said staring at the ceiling.

There was a calm silence.

"Buck?"

"Yes Stevie?"

"What would you do if I kissed you goodnight?"

"I'd tell you to never do it again. Not unless you meant it. Not unless you were going to kiss me in the morning too."

"Buck?" Bucky heard the rustle it the pillow and could feel Steve's eyes on the back of his head.

"Yes Stevie?"

"What if I said I'd kiss you in the morning too?" Bucky rolled over and looked at Steve's shadowed face.

"Then I'd let you kiss me."

There was a pause. Then Steve's hand was up on his cheek. His eyes went to Bucky's lips as his thumb moved to trace them. He looked back up at Bucky's eyes. "You would?" Steve asked in a soft whisper.

"I would." Steve dragged his thumb over to his cheek, and moved closer.

"What if-" They could feel each others breath fanning over their faces as Bucky cut Steve off.

"What if we love each other till the end of the line." Bucky phrased it as a question, but Steve heard no guessing in his voice. So he closed the distance between them and then his eyes. When they kissed it wasn't fireworks or butterflies, it was home, and it felt like where they had always belonged.

Steve's hand was still on Bucky's cheek, and Bucky moved his to pull Steve closer. Bucky kissed him one last time and pulled back. "Alright we should sleep now." Steve whined and kissed him again. "Steve I'm serious." Steve ignored him and continued. "Steven we need to sleep." Steve let out a frustrated sound.

"I don't want to kiss you I want to sleep." Steve seemed to realize his mistake as Bucky smiled. "No wait I want to kiss you I don't want to sleep." Bucky chuckled.

"See you need to sleep you're so tired you're mixing up words."

"No it's not because I'm tired. It's because you kissed me stupid. You're a really good kisser Buck. You should kiss me again." Steve moved closer.

"Uh huh sure. Flattery will get you nowhere Rogers." Steve's eyes lit up.

"Well good because I dont want to be anywhere but here."

"Neither will sweet talk babydoll." Steve was only affected by the nickname for a few seconds.

"Damn it, but Buck that was really good." Bucky seemed to consider it.

"You're right it was. Fine one more kiss and then bed." Steve was pressing his lips to Bucky's almost before he finished speaking. Steve let out a groan when Bucky pulled back.

"Kiss me again." Steve said with his eyes still closed.

"I'll kiss you good morning." Steve opened his eyes and saw the uncertainty in his.

"Yes you will, and I will kiss you." Bucky smiled.

"Okay. Good night Stevie."

"Goodnight Buck." They both settled in, Steve against Bucky's chest and Bucky with his arms around Steve.

"Tomorrow Rogers you're taking me on a date."

"Bucky I don-"

"Cut the bullshit. You are not a coward you never have been. You're doing this. You're going to be terrified the whole time so am I, but you're doing this. We're doing this." He said as he intertwined their fingers. "Because that's who you are. You do things even if you're scared because they need to be done. Lunch. Tomorrow. Don't you dare be late Rogers, I've waited long enough."

intro part one    @halevetica ‘s a win