#will probably talk myself out of then back into my decision by the time the presale starts lol

[foldingfittedsheets]

A basic human skill that people usually lock down around the age of three or four is impulse control. To conceptualize an action and it’s consequences before taking it. Maybe considering how that action affects other people. We then refine it through most of our childhood.

When I was a teenager my hold on this ability became… tenuous. I became a volatile and dangerous creature.

It’s probably not unique to me, but I had a perfect storm in terms of mental upsets. I had just mastered enough basic social skills, so I finally had a strong group of friends when my dad suddenly needed to move for work. Ripped away from my support network, blooming with hormones, I was dragged to Arizona. I was always a child of forests and mist and suddenly everything was hot, dry, and extremely pointy and aggressive.

Additionally to being abruptly transplanted I found myself an object of affection in a way I’d never been before. Lonely and desperate to make friends the only people who wanted to spend time with me had romantic designs. I just wanted to figure out my shit but I had a baby lesbian flirting with increasing aggression in art, a soft boy making heart eyes at me in biology, a senior nerd asking if I wanted to play Halo at his house and could he hold my hand?

Reader, I snapped. I didn’t want this romantic attention but I also didn’t want to be alone. My brain coped the only way it knew how, by simply cutting out decision making. Any action was the right action to take.

It started with the boy in biology. I’d stolen his pencil out of mischief and to my overwhelming fury instead of trying to steal it back he just softened his eyes and chucked me gently under my chin, a gesture so overtly sweet and romantic that I saw red.

I stabbed him with his own pencil.

I honestly and truly have no memory of it. It happened as fast as a snake striking and I was instantly filled with terrified remorse. Unfortunately that manifested as psychotic giggling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I don’t know why- I’m so sorry!” I said, while hysterically laughing. I ended up having lodged some graphite in his palm and had to tweeze it out with my nails while apologizing furiously. (It’s very important to note here that he forgave me and we’re still friends)

That was weird, I thought. Why didn’t I think before I stabbed someone?

The next event was equally catastrophic, and I had even less reason to do it. In gym with two girls I was tentatively befriending, we were warming up running laps. I started racing one of them. At breakneck speed we were sprinting around the gym.

This time, there was a blip of thought before I fucked up. I should get the other girl! I have no idea why or what the plan was but I turned on a swivel and body checked the other girl. We both fell down in immense pain. I think that’s the moment I broke my tailbone. Her knees were horribly bruised and she looked at me in bewildered pain. “Why did you do that?!”

I had no idea. I apologized and helped her up, both of us hobbling like newborn horses, bruised and hurting.

By this time there’d been enough social upheavals that I was reduced to spending time with some girls I had nothing in common with and low key disliked. Sat at a table listening to this girl talk about how she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up I thought, You’d better put the cap on before you throw it.

I then chucked my empty water bottle directly at her face. It bounced off her forehead with a bop! that would have made a sound mixer weep at its perfection.

All eyes turned to me is startlement. I stared back at her, stunned by my own action, just as confused as everyone else at the table as to why I’d done that. One of the girls to my right said, “Were you trying to hit that fly?”

“Yes!” I lied, “I’m sorry, I thought I could hit the fly!”

Everyone laughed at my antics and I joined in rather than admit I had just chucked something at her for no reason.

Things did start to improve after that. I solidified a friendship with the girl I’d raced (who I developed a massive crush on and ten years later would go on to date). My outbursts turned more whimsical rather than aggressive. Like accosting a girl leaving the cafeteria to look deeply into her eyes and say with great compassion, “It’s going to be alright.”

My new friend and I snuck into the van that delivered our cafeterias baked goods and lay giggling in the back. When I’d impulsively hopped in she’d joined me and made it a game.

After a year in Arizona I broke down crying to my mother, an act of great desperation, and we ended up moving back home. My impulse control returned to normal teenage levels and life resumed in a happier state of mind.

[hms-no-fun]

i have an intense love/hate with godfeels because it is beautifully written but it also makes me viscerally uncomfortable. something something disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed probably. engaging with that discomfort teaches me more about myself and is definitely worth it for something like godfeels. any advice for constructively engaging with media that Pisses You Off, by no fault of the creator? what would you say to your haters in good-faith, if you could?

well, to be fair i have said plenty to my haters in good faith previously, but that was a very direct response. if you and i were having a polite conversation amongst the two of us, my first question would be "how far did you get?" godfeels has been going for six years now (!!!), and it's gone through many phases in that time. i'm at a point now in my life where if someone tells me gf2 didn't click with them, i'll probably nod and say "yeah it's rough around the edges, there's a lot of stuff i'd do differently today." the most vocal contingent of haters i've ever gotten were the handful of people who dipped at gf2.2 when june got superdrunk and accidentally murdered a bunch of people, assuming the story was going to be about how cool and based that decision was. anyone who's actually read gf2 to completion should find that misconception laughable. it also makes a difference if you finished gf2 and stopped there, or started 3.1 and fell off, or if you got through chapter 8 and fell off, or if you're currently reading Double Album. each of those is a slightly different conversation with its own pros and cons. whether or not i'd try to talk someone into continuing their read depends entirely on those questions (and also how self-confident i'm feeling in the moment).

i guess i would say to someone who is not enjoying godfeels that they should stop reading godfeels. it's an extremely heavy story that digs into a wide variety of traumatic subject matter. it is also deeply personal in a lot of ways, which is perhaps a weird fit for a Homestuck fanfiction. so i can understand someone from the wider fandom hearing about godfeels as "the June Egbert fic" being disappointed that it's not fluff. i've documented in the past how gf2 emerged out of my dissatisfaction with the image of "Hairclips June," whose transition exists off screen and whose acceptance by her friends is an obvious expectation. i kind of feel bad for how that shook out in the long term since, between the lengthy hiatus of hs2 and the broader strangulation of the post-canon movement during the pandemic, the canonical "Hairclips June" story (or at least "June Who Doesn't Suffer 100% Consequences" story) doesn't seem to exist. i don't mean literally canonical, i mean "seeped into the fandom's collective unconscious" canonical, like Detective Pony. there are plenty of fanworks that do a good or at least interesting job with June, but they're not *about* June in quite the same way godfeels is. it's entirely possible that such a thing DOES exist and IS popular (i freely admit to being out of touch with modern fanworks), but for better or worse godfeels still seems to be the thing that comes up most often-- and not always in a positive light.

for a while now i've been working on an "Author's Introduction" which on the surface is an attempt to contextualize the phases of godfeels for new readers, but in actuality is more of a history of/commentary on the post-2019 fandom and the so-called "Homestuck Renaissance." i see this as necessary because godfeels is an extension of that moment, in particular the loudly recuperative pro-Vriska boosters and their exquisitely galaxy-brained VrisRezi meta. then gf3.1 responded to the fandom backlash, chapter 8 responded to my experience watching every foundation of my post-transition life crumble during the pandemic, and then Double Album is an exploration of building yourself and community back up in the aftermath of tragedy.

it's not that this context is necessary to understand or appreciate godfeels, just that i think it helps put things in perspective. when i started gf1, i hadn't written fiction in nearly 7 years. today, the series is sitting just shy of the 500,000 word mark. at every step of the process, the quality and ambition of my writing has increased exponentially. there's a reason i've written Double Album as a jumping-on point for new readers-- besides being better in virtually every way that matters to me, it's also largely shorn free of the baggage that can make godfeels a hard sell for folks. whether or not it actually SUCCEEDS as a jumping on point is another conversation entirely.

so i guess all of that is to say, if we were having a private conversation just the two of us, i freely admit that godfeels is a wildly disjointed story on top of being extreme and often emotionally masochistic. i am proud of this work from start to finish, but it fundamentally is the process of its authorship in a way that a thoroughly drafted and edited novel simply isn't. i used to publish chapters the instant they felt done to me, with only minimal revisions. these days i let chapters bake a lot longer and put much more thought into how they fit into the larger whole. i kinda miss the old way but the new way results in much better work.

i'd be curious to hear what exactly it is that Pisses You Off about godfeels, and why you nevertheless feel it's a worthwhile reading experience. you ask me for advice on how to constructively engage with media that pisses you off, but i don't have any because in general i don't engage with media that pisses me off. i stopped reading fanworks after 2020 because everything that survived seemed to cater only to the sector of the fandom that harassed my friends out of their jobs and platforms. i found their interpretations/extensions of canon lacking, their tendency for straightforward fluff rather grating. i COULD have made that everyone else's problem, but what would be the point? i wasn't the target audience. i didn't enjoy the work, so i stopped reading it. i'd rather move on to media i enjoy than suffer through media i don't.

BUT. there's a fine line here, because it actually takes a lot to Piss Me Off. i don't really believe in rules or standards in art as Inviolable Laws Of Nature. my measure of whether something is good has a lot less to do with its inherent quality and a lot more to do with the balance between intention and execution. it rarely matters how amateur something is, if it meaningfully accomplishes the thing it set out to do then i'll probably like it (or at least respect it). i look for expressions of authenticity, moments where the artist and the medium are in perfect sync. there are plenty of critically praised pretty-looking movies and games with big production values that i don't particularly like. sometimes that's because they're a naked moneymaking enterprise disguised as art. sometimes it's a problem of too many cooks in the kitchen. and then sometimes an artist is just full of shit and doesn't really know what the hell they're talking about (i like to call these people "Californians"). mostly, i just embrace that art-making and art-viewing are inherently subjective experiences, and i find little value in numbered rating systems of any kind.

a lot of my favorite movies and albums underwhelmed me my first time through. they challenged me in a way that i at first interpreted as incompetence, but have come to see as brilliance. there's stuff i found alienating in high school and early 20s that i find deeply relatable in my 30s. as a film student i've had so many conversations with so many people who have wildly different takes on the same movie that i've completely given up on the idea that anyone is an objective arbiter of what's good and what isn't. the only real thing is if it works and if it works for you. i search for the best in everything, because at the end of the day i'm just here for the love of the game and i don't much enjoy hating things. for media to really Piss Me Off, to elicit a genuine I Hate You response, it has to be more than just, like, poorly edited or whatever. it has to embody a repulsive worldview, be a tool of jingoistic propaganda, or otherwise act as an extension of corporate greed and wealth extraction. these days i reserve my hatred for that which has connection to real Power and exerts a mass cultural Influence, or that otherwise blindly reproduces the same problems.

i think it's far easier to critically engage with work you don't like when you search for the things that work, rather than the things that don't. when it works, when it really clicks, you see what they were going for, and only with that perspective can you see why what doesn't work doesn't work. all i ever ask is for readers to take my stuff as it is, good and bad, and judge it on those terms. i find your use of "comforts the disturbed, disturbs the comfortable" funny and fitting. art that wants to be for everyone is art that cannot be for anyone. it is a perfectly round grey sphere that all who gaze upon it can agree "exists" and "succeeds at what it's trying to do." good art is imperfect, because it is the result of a perspective you may not share. i've never wanted to make art for the masses. i want to make the kinds of things that i wished existed when i was younger. there are a surprising number of people who feel that godfeels positively affected their lives, and i know that i have very little to do with that. godfeels is an object that exists in the world. i had ideas of what it was when i wrote it, but i can't control what anyone else sees no matter how much digital ink i spill trying to explain my original vision. if it truly comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable, then on some level i must have succeeded in what i was trying to do even if the path to getting there was spotty and rough.

i did the best i could at every stage of writing godfeels. i would do things differently today, but i also wouldn't be here at all if i'd done it differently back then. i try to extend this grace to other artists as much as possible, that we're all just figuring it out as we go along. but i also know that everyone goes to art for different things, and finds value in different aspects of its expression. really, all i ever want is to have a conversation about the object without the looming specter of Respectability Politics and Moral Hazards. it's when people start acting like godfeels is Dangerous, and that i'm dangerous by extension, that i start having opinions about where critics are fucking up. tell me what it does or fails to do. point at the text and show me you've read and comprehended it by citing your sources and arguing through the text instead of around it. absolutely fuck off with the moral hand-wringing about Transgender Representation and Glorifying Violence and Perpetuating Toxic Stereotypes. it's a fucking Homestuck fanfiction, for god's sake.

but anyway you're not doing that, so, good job! i'm glad you find the experience of reading godfeels illuminating even if it pisses you off. i hope you found this lengthy answer enlightening, and maybe a bit annoying also. consistency is key, or so they say

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[shysheeperz]

Not me still debating about getting a Nintendo switch

[autism-corner]

Contextless posting =w=b

[holybibly]

ℑ𝔗'𝔖 𝔜𝔒𝔘 |𝔚𝔬𝔬𝔰𝔞𝔫 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯| 𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 ℑ

♡ Pairing: Best friends Woosan x reader ♡ Genre: smut, f2l!au, college!au ♡ Word Count: 6.6k ♡ Summary: Sometimes drunken decisions lead to the most unexpected results and the most shocking confessions. Or, after your boyfriend cheats on you, you propose a threesome to your best friends and it might just be what they have always wanted. 𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 ℑℑ ♡ WARNING: only!18+ pet names, explicit sexual content, explicit language, unprotected sex, pussy eating, size kink, oral giving and receiving, double penetration, threesomes, dirty talk and more. ♡A/N: Here they are, our winners. I'm a little overjoyed because I'm about to try out a new style for myself. I'm still trying my best to write smut. So please be gentle with me. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

One year ago.

It was a feeling of sweet euphoria coursing through your veins. Pure, scalding ecstasy that frothed your blood and clouded your mind. Multicolored neon lights licked greedily at your wet, naked skin, leaving acid green and poisonous pink burns on it. All your senses were overloaded, and every touch felt like a liquid flame. The throbbing bass of the deafening music echoed through your body like the beating of your own heart and completely consumed all of your other senses, except for absolute pleasure.

You lost track of the amount of alcohol you had consumed that day, shot after shot, until a pleasant fog began to form in your head, blocking out all other thoughts. The tequila flowed down your throat like water, and you were sure you'd remember how it tasted in the morning, but you didn't care what you'd done tonight or how you knew you'd feel tomorrow. You didn't care about that. Your aim was to forget yourself, to disappear into the crowd, to merge with the music until any connection to the outside world was nothing more than the beginning of the next day.

Dance, baby, dance!

The atmosphere in the club grew fuzzier and fainter, sweaty, hot bodies pressed closer together merging, the hot touches of forbidden pleasures caressing the skin with the fingertips of strangers, wet lips touching the bare, sticky skin on you shoulders, pressing rough impatient kisses into it. Too many people and too many strangers are here for nothing but fuck.

You weren't a stupid little girl who believed in virginal marriage and pink ponies; to be honest, you were far from that gentle picture. God, Wooyoung, and San had been your best friends since high school, and now you were at university, and if after all that time you couldn't repeat every position in the Kama Sutra by heart, it really surprised you. Innocence and modesty were the last words in your vocabulary, and with Wooyoung's big mouth, you were well aware of the whole of theirs sex life. And when you say everything, you mean every fucking detail, and to Wooyoung's credit, he has a great memory and meticulous storytelling.

How long has it been since you started dancing? 20 minutes—or was it two hours? You could swear that Sang and Ueyoung were at your side a minute ago. Or did they leave you alone on the dance floor hours ago?

You can't remember at all.

Your mind is buzzing, your fingertips are tingling, and your heart is pounding against your ribs from the adrenaline rush of matching the beat of some new-fangled track and creating a world of your own inside your body. This sound will vibrate more and more strongly under your skin until your brain ceases to function, allowing you to let go of all the worries in the world and give yourself over completely to the music. Alcohol really does work wonders.

Man, you felt so good.

In the back of your drunken mind, you can't help but wonder if tonight could have gone differently. Probably, but here you are, drunk as hell, huddled with a stranger on a neon dance floor instead of a soft bed in your favorite man's arms. Where the hell did you take the wrong turn? It would seem that something in the universe hasn't gone quite according to plan. Did you have any idea this morning that your sweet, perfect boyfriend would be cheating on you? Correction: he's been cheating on you for a long time. You probably never would have found out if you hadn't come home from couples earlier than usual and continued to be his "convenient girlfriend." Hell, it wasn't nice, and maybe not as hurtful, if he'd been fucking someone else instead of your best friend. Were you that bad? Weren't you good enough? Either way, you've still got time to destroy yourself—maybe tomorrow, maybe never.

Maybe you'll even think about it when you visit the bastard in the hospital. He should have known better than to even think about cheating, and the clotted blood on San's knuckles proved that. Everyone at the university knew that you were Ateez's golden girl, and to mess with you was to mess with them. And since you, Wooyoung, and San were literally glued to each other, it was tantamount to suicide. 

At the moment, the only thing that was more upsetting than the image of your ex-boyfriend driving his dick all the way up to his balls into your ex-friend's skinny body was the fact that your beautiful vintage sofa would have to be thrown away. Semen doesn't wash off. You checked.

Hongjoong is going to be absolutely devastated. That sofa was the absolute love of his life.

It's all nothing more than a vague memory of the day gone by, mixed into an indecipherable cacophony of shrill screams and blurred images. To be honest, you don't remember much of the chaos, as Wooyoung pressed your face against his chest with such force that you wouldn't be surprised to see your make-up imprinted on the light fabric of his shirt. All you could hear was loud cursing and the sound of a punch in the face. You hoped that San's punch was strong enough to break the asshole's jaw. And after that, there were a few hours of tears and emotional crisis until they'd had enough and pulled you into this club with a gentle and accepting hand: "Come on, baby, you could use a break and a change of scenery" from San, and "Fuck that scumbag, go show him what he's lost, baby" from Wooyoung. It was an absolute mystery how the two of them synchronized perfectly.

You have no idea what you would do without these two.

A few more minutes go by in this way, until you feel hot hands on your hips, pulling you closer to the hard body on your back. You don't have to turn around to see that it's San; the scent of his perfume, mixed with the sweat and the smoke of a freshly smoked cigarette, makes you dizzy, and you rest your head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath of the intoxicating mixture. Suddenly you want to get as close to him as possible, turn around and press your face against his hard, structured chest, breathing in deeply and sinking into him completely. Your arms reach out behind you and wrap around San's neck, tangling your fingers in the scarlet strands of hair at the nape of his neck. You feel it on your back as the action makes him purr like a cat. You wonder what other sounds you might be able to catch him making.

You shake yourself. The thought of it sends shivers down your arms and makes all the muscles in your lower abdomen tingle.

You should stop. These are bad thoughts. Very bad thoughts.

"Damn, baby girl, how much did you drink while we were away?" Wooyoung's voice is rough and husky, but his touch is gentle and careful as his fingers intertwine with yours. He has always touched you in a way that no other man in the world, with the exception of him and San, has ever been able to touch you. There was no comparison with your ex's touch. Wooyoung's touch is a promise. A promise to protect, to care, and perhaps to love? You could swear you saved the planet in your past life because you have such great friends in this one, or maybe a little more than friends, but you're not sure what to call this feeling. 

You had been friends for so long that it wasn't weird not have a crush on Wooyoung or to dream of being married to San. The guy was literally a walking husband; he was second only to Songhwa in that respect, but please, Hwa was the epitome of husband material. You might even have wanted to be in the middle of it, sandwiched between hot bodies while they literally fucked the life out of you. But it was all just thoughts. Fleeting dreams that clung to the edges of your consciousness. You were the type to date, and they were the type to fuck. You were different when it came to loving. In any case, it was all a long time ago. You had a boyfriend, and Wooyoung and San collected girls like Pokémon. Somehow, you were sure that if you slept together, your friendship would end.

You weren't ready for that. With a strength that only Jongho could match, you ignored any romantic feelings for them

"Mmm… Woo, I have no recollection, but I had fun." You licked your lips as if you were trying to taste the lingering taste of the tequila and opened your eyes to stare straight into Wooyoung's face, full of worry. He could have been the biggest bitch if he wanted to be. But for you, that 'maternal' instinct of overprotection has kicked in. You stare at him unblinkingly in that moody light, he looks beautiful, to the point of being stupidly handsome, so damn handsome that you want to pull him to you and kiss him without explanation or reason. And you can do that because you know he's never, ever going to say no to you but kiss you? Wooyoung's tongue will be the first to enter your mouth. He will suck on it like a drunk, and he will hold on to you until there is almost no air left in your lungs.

"We leave you alone, gongjunim, for five minutes, and you're already in trouble. Shall I give you a lesson in obedience?" San is speaking into your ear, loud enough for you to hear him clearly, each word coming through the loud electric bass. His voice is too sultry to be sober enough. Woo probably talked him into a few shots, although he always got drunk pretty easily. The two were threatening each other. And to you as well.

The evil voice inside your head grinned: You know you want it. He's going to punish you for being such a bad, naughty girl. He will teach you to be the best little girl for him and for them and to follow all his rules. He'll make you beg and make you cry…

Fuck, girl, come to your senses. Since when did you start to think with your pussy instead of using your brain? Or do you automatically turn into a horny, over-excited idiot after a break-up? Turn on your brains; they are your best friends.

Completely ignoring San's words, you whimpered:

"I'm thirsty." Your tongue is dry in your mouth, and your lips feel unpleasantly rough as you say the words. It looks like the fun's over for today.

San can't help but laugh at your capricious behavior, and you wriggle restlessly in his arms, trying to free yourself from his firm grip, but he only manages to hold you even tighter. You sigh in annoyance and decide to try your luck with Wooyoung.

"Woo, help me." You whine again, reaching out and pulling Wooyoung closer so that your forehead rests against his collarbone.

He smells good, like sandalwood and vanilla, like home.

Wooyoung lifts your face with his fingertips. The touch is soft and comforting, despite the roar of the music and the crowd of strangers around you. He stares intently into your eyes, almost too serious for your drunken haze. He hopes to find something more than alcohol-induced excitement.

"Come on, baby. It's time to go home." He releases your hand and carefully wipes the sweat from your forehead and cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt, his fingers lingering on your lips for a moment, and you playfully stick out your tongue and lick the pads of his fingers. God, may you not remember this tomorrow.

"But I don't want to…" You purse your lips again. You turn your head towards San, looking for his support. "Sanni, let's stay a bit more." Your big, shining eyes are not making it easy for him, but you were already quite drunk, and judging by the way your body was leaning against him, you could hardly stand properly.

"Wooyoung's right, gongjunim, it's over for you today."

Something wild in you just wants to be a brat and start arguing, but the rational part of your brain wins out. You sigh tiredly and try to wriggle out of his grip, and of course you stumble, grabbing Wooyoung's biceps with your hands in an attempt to stay on your feet and not break your high-heeled leg, which would be a great way to end the night.

A strong arm immediately wraps around your waist. It digs lightly into the exposed skin between your top and your jeans. You can feel the coldness of the thin band of his ring. It actually burns from how sensitive you were now.

"I got you, chagi." San whispers softly and hoarsely into your ear, and you cling even more tightly to Wooyoung's arm as your legs begins to shake, but no longer from the alcohol you've drunk and the tiredness, but from his sultry tone. Damn, was that a saturi, or was it just your imagination?

"We'll be on our way now, for sure." Wooyoung takes your hand once more, pulling it away from his bicep, and quickly leads you through the crowd of sweaty bodies, completely ignoring your feeble protests until you see the flashing exit sign. The red neon sign brings you ominously close to the point where you are left alone with them. And you feel San's heavy presence at your back like never before. 

The sounds of the city swallow you up and make you dizzy as Wooyoung opens the heavy metal door. Couples are kissing all over the place. Noisy groups of people are huddled together waiting for a taxi or sharing a single joint, leaving a faint smell of weed in the air. You can still hear the vibrating bass of the music that is pouring out of the club; it echoes in your head in an unpleasant way, with a slight throbbing pain. All of a sudden, all you want to do is find yourself in a warm bed, snuggled up against San or Wooyoung, or even better, against both of them.

San's hand on your waist tenses as you bend over to hail a taxi. Wooyoung's hands come down on your hips, hot and strong, and just like that, you find yourself sandwiched between them, their bodies shielding you safely from the searing cold and dirty stares. You could swear that you can hear Wooyoung swears to himself while a drunk guy is moving his tongue between two spread fingers and looking in your direction. San's body tenses instinctively. What's with all this protection? We're not in some kind of alpha-character romance; you can take care of yourself.

But in spite of that, your body still relaxes, your head leans back against Wooyoung's shoulder, and you rub your face against his like a cat.

"You're so drunk, baby." Woo chuckles and gives you a light kiss on the top of your head. "That's my girl."

My girl, just the sound of that one sentence makes a little fire start in your belly. What the hell is wrong with you today? A week ago, you were rinsing his mouth after Woo drank too much, and now you're ready to lick his mouth from the inside. 

Fuck.

All these thoughts make you lose track of what's happening until you feel the smooth leather of the car seat beneath you and the soft touch of San's lips on your bare shoulder. You moan, either from annoyance or excitement. San just smiles and presses his lips harder against you. Finally, you are going home.

You faintly hear Wooyoung giving the Uber driver the coordinates of your apartment complex, your hands intertwining again, relaxing further as Wooyoung's head rests on your shoulder. His long hair tickles the back of your neck.

Sobriety slowly begins to clear your head as the ride continues. You're still drunk, but you're much more aware than before.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Your voice is low, barely above a whisper, but in the confined space of the car's backseat, they can hear it well. It sets them in motion again, hands clasped around you with renewed confidence. You play mindlessly with the silver rings that adorn Wooyoung's long fingers, and you don't go unnoticed by San's light strokes on the outside of your thigh.

"All for you, chagiya." San whispers back and gives Wooyoung a meaningful look. There's something special between the two of them—a dialogue that is spoken without words but in which they both know exactly what is meant. If only you knew what was going on inside their heads…

You let your hand drop to Wooyoung's muscular thigh and ran the palm of your hand over it a couple of times, feeling the tight muscles under the skin of his trousers. He covers the palm of your hand with his own and squeezes it in a silent, gentle gesture of affection.

"I love you guys…" You whisper, sticking out your tongue to lick your suddenly dry lips. You hear them giggling together before you feel San press his nose against the soft skin of your collarbone, rubbing against it like a cat. He's the ultimate cinnamon bun; how he can be someone who's had sex with half the university is still a mystery to you.

"I love you too, gongjunim." And he means it, like he really loves you—much more than a friend should.

"Mmm, I love you more. You know that, baby." Wooyoung bites the skin on the back of your neck in a playful way, and you feel his wet tongue pressing against the site of the bite for a few seconds. 

"You're not sleeping in my bed. Woo, stop it; that tactic won't work on me anymore."

He whimpers back with a puff of his swollen lips, turning his face away from you with an irritated roll of his eyes as you and San laugh, his arms naturally wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to his body so that you're practically sitting on his lap. A faint melody, from some kind of soft track, pours out of the speakers and lulls you into a state of serenity. You find it harder and harder to keep your eyes open. Your body relaxes even more in San's arms.

The next twenty minutes fly by, and you only begin to wake up when the cab door slams behind you and Wooyoung drags you into her flat. The fobs on your keys jingle loudly in the silence of the corridor as San fiddles with them to unlock the door. You sway in Woo's arms as you wait for the door to your apartment to open. The soothing scent of neroli and orchids greets you as you enter, your body automatically relaxing into the safety of your personal space, and you fall wearily into the armchair opposite sofa.

As the door closes, you hear the sound of the boys hurrying down the corridor, taking off their shoes and jackets. You can imagine San carefully placing his shoes next to yours and Wooyoung's one shoe being kicked further down the corridor. So damn different.

Woo sprints into the kitchen, slams the door of the fridge shut, and there is a bottle of cold water in front of your face.

"Here you go, starlight." He sinks to the floor at your feet and leans back against them, resting his head in your lap as he does so. You run your fingers through his long black hair, brushing it away from his face, and meet his gaze with your own. It's familiar; away from the deafening music and the sweaty crowd, you feel much better now, despite the fact that a few hours ago your ex was fucking your friend on the couch across the hall. This is still your home, and you're sure that in a few days your entire apartment will be taken apart and put back together by the caring hands of Seonghwa and Yeosang, when there won't be a trace of your failed past relationships left.   "Are you okay?" San asks, leaning against the doorjamb.

"I'm… fine, yeah. Probably not as good as I'd like to be, but I'll be fine; it'll just take some time. At the moment, I'm just tired of it all."

"Go take a shower, sweetie; San and I will take care of the rest." Wooyoung says as he gets up from the floor and pulls the leather jacket off of his shoulders. The wide collar of his black t-shirt shows the tattoo on his back. You always found that part of him extremely sexy.

You rise from your chair, grimacing at the pain in your legs after so many hours in high heels. Your top falls to the floor as you take it off, the lace of your black lingerie clinging to your body like a second skin. They've seen you naked more than once or twice, and in any case, you're not one of those cute girls who blushes at every opportunity. You have to struggle to pull your jeans down your legs because they are so tight around your arse. The next thing to come off is your underwear, which you leaves halfway to the toilet somewhere. You let them take care of that too.

The level of intimacy that you have with San and Wooyoung is so high that it virtually erases any barrier to acceptable standards of friendship. Years of shared memories, from when you started high school to when you practically star graduates of Seoul National University. God, the things you've done and the situations you've been in—it's been a hectic time. The three of you literally know each other to your bones—sharing habits, feelings, clothes, and even some sexual practices under the influence of alcohol and chance. You've seen them fuck; they've held your hair when you've puked, helped with periods, you've seen them jerking off in the morning or heard them moaning loudly in the bathroom, you all watched porn together—it's all been part of your friendship. In a way, the three of you have been completely and utterly shameless.

You close the bathroom door and stare wearily at your reflection in the large mirror. Your hair is disheveled from those beautiful waves there's not a trace, your skin is glistening with sweat, your make-up looks messy—a bit of smudged eyeliner, smeared lipstick—and in general, you look like you've been beaten up. The pupils of your eyes are dilated, even though you're still feeling sleepy, and there's a bit of puffiness under your eyes from previous tantrum.

Wow, you look like a real mess. You turn away from the mirror, turn on the tap of water, and sink back into your usual daily routine. The water cleanses not only your body but also your mind, spectacularly washing away all the memories and regrets of the day.

It seems to be at least a minute before you hear the sound of a heavy knock on the door. San's voice is muffled over the sound of water and steam, rough, husky, and incredibly sexy, sending electric shocks through your body and unexpected heat building between your thighs. Your fingers turn the handle, stopping the water from flowing, and you take a few long breaths, trying to get rid of this strange feeling. What's wrong with you today?

"Chagi, are you okay?"

You mooed in response, stepped out of the shower, and wrapped the towel around your body before opening the door to face him. He's standing across the bathtub, slumped against the wall, so soft and fluffy, when you open the door. San has changed into a pair of loose pajamas, which are very cute, according to your taste. He has washed off his make-up and generally looks more like an adorable bun than the voluptuous demon he is supposed to be at the university.

"What the hell took you so long? Wooyoung's already starting to climb the wall from here." He whimpers with a pucker on his lips.

"I needed some time to myself, Sanni."

He bites his bottom lip before nodding. His burning gaze travels over you from head to toe, lingering a little longer than usual on your thighs and breasts, and your body heats up at the sensation. When your eyes meet, there is an emotion that you are unfamiliar with that hovers just above the surface of his gleaming dark irises. Something predatory flashes across his face, just for a second, but it's enough to make your skin tingle with an unknown sense of anticipation.

"Just a few more minutes, and then I'll be on my way, all right? Tell Wooyoung to be a little more patient."

"Alright."

You step back into the tub, close the door behind you, and press your back against the wall. You bite your lips, trying to hold back a groan of disappointment. It's not that after all these years of friendship you've never felt sexually aroused in their presence; after all, Wooyoung and San were so damn attractive and even flirtatious to the point of insanity, they fit the cliché of lusty, popular boys at university so well.

Perhaps you had once or twice wondered what it would be like to be close to one of them, or even better, both of them—what their bodies would feel like and what their tastes would be like. Yet, consciously ignoring any romantic urges in their direction, you buried those thoughts deep in the back of your mind. You didn't want to think about how beautiful San's smile was, with those sweet dimples, or how your skin burned under Woo's playful, incessant kisses. But those were only fragmentary thoughts, a dangerous feeling creeping into your heart.

For a while your hunger for them was satisfied by a succession of boy toys until you found yourself a steady boyfriend, well until you caught him with one of your girlfriends tonight. Either way, the sex was hardly satisfying enough to get too upset about, but still, the ache in your heart and your bottom-punched self-esteem stung like a bitch.

But today there was something different between the three of you; on a day like any other, there was a different feeling. It wasn't anything special; San's tearful face had been tucked between your breasts more than once or twice after another romantic fiasco, and Wooyoung had been a complete fool in love, getting burned so many times because he wore his heart on his sleeve. You have been friends long enough to know how to comfort each other after breaking up. You have never experienced such a tension between the three of you before.

There was a barely perceptible change in the air; there was an electric tension in the chemistry between you; a crackle in the air like a thunderstorm was about to break. The storm was coming at a furious pace, and you weren't sure if you were going to be able to handle it. To end up between them was like voluntarily stepping into a hurricane rated at twelve. Was that what you wanted? You probably did. Did they want it? There was no way of knowing. Would things have changed if you'd fucked, yes, of course, but would you have had a 'happily ever after', you weren't so sure.

You brush your hair with your fingertips, hissing in pain when you can't untangle the tangled locks, and continue this compulsive action as you step out of the suddenly claustrophobic space of the bathroom. The corridor is cold, and the change in temperature causes goose bumps to run down the length of your skin. Cold air climbs under the towel's edges, clinging uncomfortably to your tender inner thighs.

"I left some fresh clothes for you on the dresser next to the bathtub. Didn't you notice?" San asks. His pronunciation is as simple as if he hadn't been the one who just a few minutes ago ate you alive with his eyes. He is sitting on the arm of the chair Wooyoung is comfortably ensconced in, mindlessly scrolling through social media.

The couch, which was once your favorite place to be, is clearly in disuse. You're already anticipating Hongjoong's endless complaints about it. That couch was the love of his life.

Wooyoung has changed his clothes too; there's no trace of the seductive college hottie left; the stretchy top of the oversized shirt slipping off his shoulders to expose his collarbones made him look so tiny and cuddly; and the soft disheveled hair falling over his face gave his features something adorably puppyish. They both looked homely and terribly comfortable, as if this was legitimately their home and not yours, as if their place had always been here, the space they belonged to.

"It's stuffy. I don't want to get dressed." You reply, pulling the towel tighter around your chest. You actually contradict yourself by wrapping your arms around yourself, but you don't want to explain anything to them either.

"Personally, I like it all; you can keep going, baby."

"Of course you like it, Woo; we all know about your love for exhibitionism." You say this nonchalantly and let your body fall into Wooyoung's lap, not caring that you're actually naked under the towel or that his shirt is getting wet as the water from your wet hair drips onto it. You're trapped between their bodies again, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't like the feeling. You savor his scent and the feel of his smooth skin as your face sinks into the curve of Woo's neck.

You all sink into a nice, relaxing silence as the boys scroll through endless social media feeds, your eyes grow heavier, and the need for sleep becomes more palpable. But you love it so much—just being around them, not thinking about anything else, feeling the way San's fingers play with your hair while you twirl the rings on Woo's fingers—that you probably have a fetish for his hands. Anyway, you don't mind.

Minutes go by like this, slowly approaching an hour. You feel content and warm as you sit on Wooyoung's gorgeous muscular thighs. He is humming something to himself, drawing scattered patterns with his fingertips on your bare thigh. Your lips press against Woo's neck, leaving a sweet kiss on his skin. He squirms beneath you, his fingers clenching tighter and tighter on your thigh. God, he's so hot.

"You're so needy, kitten," San says with laughter before you feel his lips on your shoulder. It's not a chaste, friendly kiss; no, his lips are wet with saliva, open so you can feel the scorching breath and his tongue tip gliding across your skin in slow motion. San is licking you like a cat, damn it.

"Is this a side effect of the break-up or something like that? Look at you, Peach. You're a horny mess." Wooyoung raises an eyebrow in curiosity and pulls you closer to his chest. You slide down his thighs, and the towel scratches a little higher, a little more, and they can easily see your pussy. At that thought, the familiar throbbing between your legs reminds you just how wet you are, the viscous, clear liquid threatening to run down the inside of your thighs and stain Woo's clothes.

Praying that neither of them will notice how flushed and horny you feel at this moment, you squeeze your legs together and slide your hand down to pull the towel further down your legs, as far down as possible in this position.

You're so thirsty; the lust is bubbling just beneath the surface of your skin, and the heady mix of their scent and the residual alcohol in your blood is making you feel like such a needy slut.

The rational part of your brain tells you that you should be in a completely different state right now—a mess of tears and snot, probably on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown. Somewhere between the self-destruction of your own self-esteem and a crisis of identity, But here you are, practically naked in Woo's arms, with an obscenely wet pussy and no shame whatsoever.

In contrast to the'real' half of you, something small and evil urged you to go further, to spread your legs, to expose yourself shamelessly, to ride Wu's thigh and have a hot rodeo until you couldn't cum any more, and then let San use you however he wanted; you don't mind at all being a chew toy for him. Hell, boy, all you want to do is let him fuck your brains out.

You sink your teeth into your lower lip with force; the taste of blood is almost in your mouth.

"Fuck me. I want to sleep, baby. You can use me. Let's go to bed."You whine, puffing up your cheeks.

"Okay, okay, baby, let's put the princess to bed." San lifts you from your place on Woo's lap and pulls you tightly against his chest, and you can clearly feel every ripple of muscle on that perfect body. When did he have time to get that big?

He carries you into the bedroom like a princess. Wooyoung's shuffling footsteps can be heard behind you, and you throw your head back to meet his gaze.

"We had a change of sheets. Personally, I'm in favor of burning all his stuff."

"Have I told you I love you?"

"Mmm, let me think. Maybe just a few thousand times." He gives you a cheeky smile, and you laugh.

"Love, love, love, love, I love you so much. You're the best boys in the world. You sing with a big smile on your face, and the sound of their laughter fills the bedroom. 

"We love you too; we love you so much."

If you weren't so drunk and tired, your brain might have been able to process Wooyoung's changed intonation, but you completely ignored any possible hint of how they felt about you.

San gently laid you down on the bed, and Woo's lithe body crawled beside you, snuggling against your side, hugging you like his personal teddy bear.

"Woo, let her go; she has to put on some clothes." He pulls off his T-shirt and holds the soft fabric out in front of you. Your hands lazily crumple it up in an attempt to decide whether or not to put it on, but the boys decide for you. 

Wooyoung sits you down and holds you tightly by the waist while San pulls the T-shirt over your head and pulls off the towel at the same time. You are still naked, but you are a bit more decent now.

"You're such good friends. I wish I could date someone like you." You lie back down, and Woo's hands paddle you again, as if it's his natural reflex. You're not aware of the exchange of glances between the two of them. The silent conversation that goes on between them is completely ignored.

"Hmm, someone like us?" San sits down on the bed in front of you, and in an instant, your fingers cling to his naked chest. You want so badly to sink your teeth into the smooth, bulging muscles of his chest. "Baby, aren't you afraid we're going to be jealous?"

"You and jealousy, come on. I went out with Suho, and none of you minded."

"It's because the idiot has a tiny dick." With an evil giggle, Woo whispers in your ear.

"Wooyoung!"

"He's right, chagia. When was the last time you had an orgasm?"

"San, not you too." You whine and give him a light tap on the shoulder.

"Well, if you were with someone like us, you'd know what it means to have a good fuck. We'd fuck your brains out, baby."

"Jung Wooyoung, wash your filthy mouth. San, tell him." You call out to your more rational friend in a resentful tone to calm Woo down.

"Well, I can't say that he's wrong. You won't be on foot for days after we are." The grin on San's face is so predatory that you can't tell that it's your sweet himbo friend. It's making the muscles at the bottom of your stomach clench in anticipation of this promise.

"You do know that I used to sleep with Yunho before I started dating Suho, right? You can hardly come as a surprise to me; he's very good."

"We know." Woo hissed in annoyance, and his arms tightened around you, planting his foot on your thigh and completely cutting off any attempt you might have made to pull away from him, even if you wanted to.

"But we're so much better." A hot palm slides just over your waist near to Wooyoung's hand, practically covering your breasts. You feel the full weight of it on your body.

"In your dreams."

For a few moments, you close your eyes and fall silent. The comforting silence lulls you to sleep, but there is one thought that keeps you from falling completely into a deep slumber. With a groan, you come back to reality, blinking slowly as your brain forms the words that seem to be too heavy on the tip of your tongue—heavy, but so damned sweet.

"I wanna… I mean, let's have threesome." 

"Sorry, what!" Wooyoung almost yells, sitting up in bed in an instant and staring at you with his eyes wide open. If the situation wasn't so serious, you could laugh at his shocked expression. "Is it an offer for sex? Right now?"

"Jesus, Wooyoung, just let me finish." You sit down as well and take each one of them by the hand. "We graduate next year, and if… if we are all free and you don't mind, maybe we can have threesomes."

"I'm ready. Why wait?" Woo clings to you like a leech. He presses every inch of his body against you so tightly that you practically melt into each other. His skin is hot, and you can feel his breath brushing against your ear and his lips touching it as he speaks. "Come, Y/N, we can do this now. I'm going to take you to heaven."

"Wooyoung, I'm serious."

You have to look at San, who's been silent the whole time. The look in his eyes is so dark, full of lust and hunger. It doesn't leave you for a second.

"San…"

"I'll do anything for you, Y/N."

"I'll be ready for you in a year if you're still willing. Now get out of the room, the both of you. Tonight I'll be alone in bed."

You push them off the bed, San rolls over on the floor with a clatter, and Wooyoung jumps up like a man who has been scalded.

"But chagi…" He whines, loud and nasty, as San drags him out of the room.

"Sweet dreams, gongjunim." That's the last thing you hear before the door slams shut behind them and you're left alone in the bedroom.

You can hear their muffled voices coming from the hallway, trying so hard to keep quiet. Wooyoung's incessant complaining, mixed with San's low muttering, effectively lulls you to sleep. You probably won't even remember tonight, let alone this stupid proposal, but little do you know that neither San nor Wooyoung have any intention of letting you forget.

You are going to have a very funny year in front of you. 𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖚𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 ❧ ℑ𝔗'𝔖 𝔜𝔒𝔘 | 𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 ℑℑ

[lovecla]

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW | jack hughes.

00.3. how was your first night together?

➴ warnings: nsfw, rough sex, oral sex (f. receiving), use of the word slut, bit of humiliation, dacryphilia, subspace kinda?, protected sex, nipple sucking, curse words, aftercare, cockwarming, dirty talk.

➴ word count: 2.2k

➴ author’s note: i have nothing to say for myself… also, this is the first straight smut I write in YEARS. so pls bear with me… also2, im highly aware that jack is probably a cutie pie during sex (and dw!! we’ll get there eventually) but something abt this jack… makes me dizzy. hope u all enjoy!!

—♡

LEAVING the party with this man— you still didn’t even know his name— was probably the best decision you had ever made, after auditioning for that one show that changed your life back when you were thirteen.

The pretty boy drove you to his actual house and rested his hand on your thigh the entire ride. You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with the thought of letting a man, who you barely even knew, fuck you senseless.

Maybe Grace was right and you did have a little bit of a thing for humiliation.

Although nothing compared to when he opened the door of his huge house for you, and kissed you before he had even closed it properly. His kiss was bruising and angry, his hands gripping your waist with just the right amount of strength and you could swear you were melting in his arms.

“Fuck,” you moaned, sitting on his lap. “What’s your name?”

He laughed, eyes red and mouth swollen. “You don’t know who I am?”

“No?” You raised your eyebrow, smirking.

“I’m Jack Hughes.” He said, looking bothered by the fact that you didn’t know who he was.

“Hi, Jack Hughes,” you said, rocking your hips against his. “I’m Sophia.”

“Oh, I know who you are, baby,” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “That concert Nico went to? I was there too.”

Now that surprised you.

“Cat got your tongue, baby?” He was the one smirking now. You rolled your eyes.

“Less yapping and more fucking. I’m starting to think you’re full of shit.”

You barely had time to finish breathing after your sentence before he grabbed you by your waist, and lifted you, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist.

He somehow managed to climb up the stairs while holding you and hell if that didn’t make you wetter. You could feel your panties sticky and glued to your intimate part, and honestly there wasn’t anything that you wanted more than to remove them.

He placed you in the bed, gentler than you’d expect him to, and you watched as he removed his suit, his toned abs making you clench around nothing. He pushed his somewhat long hair back before getting his hands on you again.

“Let’s get this monstrosity out of you,” he growled before almost ripping the jersey out of you. You laid on the bed now wearing just your bra and your mini-skirt. “Much better.”

You turned around, deciding that he deserved a show. Removing your bra, you actually moaned when you felt the cold air hit your hard nipples. You fought the need of touching them, and went straight to removing your skirt and panties, not letting yourself feel shy or embarrassed.

You felt Jack’s hands on you, turning you around and getting you on your knees. He looked at you like a predator and from just one look at his pants, you could tell that that man was packed.

“Here’s what you’re gonna do, baby,” he whispered, blue eyes staring down at you. “You’re gonna sit that sweet, needy cunt on my face, and I’m gonna eat you out until you’re coming. Then,” he stepped closer, not breaking eye contact. “I’m gonna fuck you fast and rough. That’s how I like it. And with that slutty face of yours,” he scoffed, eyes full of lust and desire. “I’m guessing that’s how you like it too.”

You bit your lips, nodding with your head, because you didn’t trust yourself enough to do anything besides moaning.

He removed the rest of his clothes and, yay, you were right, but also— fuck. You were right. His cock was big and thick and looked like it would reach your stomach and rearrange your organs.

Just how you liked it.

He laid on the bed and grabbed your hips, making you sit on his face, and when the tip of his tongue met your aching clit, you swear you saw stars.

You were holding yourself on the headboard, not wanting to hurt him. He looked like a great guy, and didn’t deserve to die because he suffocated during sex.

But it looked like he had other plans.

“I think I told you to sit your cunt on my face, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but—”

“Do as I fucking say.” Even though he said it, he was the one who grabbed your thighs and pulled you down, making your pussy cover his entire mouth.

Your moans were probably heard from across the street, but you didn’t care. It had been way too long since your last time and this? This was heaven. Jack was a fucking munch. The way he licked your clit and fucked his tongue inside you? Yeah, he knew what he was doing.

“J-Jack, fuck,” you heard yourself saying, eyes starting to feel wet and mind going all blank. “God, what the fuck.”

The wet noises could be heard whenever your moans came out softly, and his hands on your thighs only made it all better, because you knew it would bruise. You knew it would leave a mark there and it felt so good to know that this was the man marking you up.

You looked down by accident and you came right on the spot when you made eye contact with the man underneath you; it should have been embarrassing to look at him eating you out but it wasn’t anything like that. You felt owned and desired. You felt whole.

He removed his lips from your pussy, not before licking it a few times, and turned you around, him on top of you. He moved so he could grab the condom from the bedside table— fuckboy move, totally— and you watched as he put it on.

He kissed you one more time while he inserted himself on you, not really giving you the time to adjust. You felt your hole burning, and it felt good. You were so wet that the squelching sounds were almost embarrassing, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. He was hitting you on the right spots.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he murmured, slamming into you with force. “Pussy so ‘fuckin tight for me. Holy shit.”

“Harder, p-please,” you heard yourself saying and you saw how his bright, blue eyes were changing into a dark, ocean color. You saw danger in them.

“You’re still speaking so I guess I’m not doing my job the right way, huh?” He said, taking almost all of his cock out just to slam it back into you with strength.

Your mind was going to a very strange place where you couldn’t really think straight and even though that should be scary, you felt nothing but… free.

The pleasure was so fucking good and your pussy had never felt so satisfied, as corny as it sounded. He had his lips on your right nipple, sucking and biting, his right hand rubbing your clit fast and precise, while his dick slammed into you with the right amount of pressure.

You could feel the tension building up inside of you and you knew you were going to come again, and soon, but when you tried to say something, warn him, it felt like you had grabbed a stick of glue and glued your mouth shut.

But it was too much, your legs were trembling and your eyes were wet, tears cascading down your face. You knew your face was red and probably slutty like Jack had said but it didn’t matter.

“Poor slut can’t even talk, mhm?” You heard Jack mock you, and fuck if it didn’t make you clench your hole around his dick. “You liked being called that, didn't you? Little slut. My brainless, stupid slut.”

His hand started to move faster on your clit and you tried to close your legs, out of pure instinct.

“None of that, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear, still fucking you rough and hard. “Keep those pretty, little legs open for me. Isn’t that what you’re here for? Letting me, a guy who you barely know, fuck you senseless.”

You were fully crying now, holding onto him with so much force, secretly thankful that he was a Hockey player and probably used to all the roughness.

“I-I’m gonna,” you mumbled, not even thinking straight.

“You’re gonna come on my cock, sweetheart? Yeah? Gonna make a mess for me and wet my bed sheets even more?”

You felt yourself nodding, biting your lips when you felt yourself coming. Jack was still fucking you, searching for his own release. He lifted himself just enough to grab you by your waist and slam himself into you, over and over again.

Your tits went up and down and your eyes went to the back of your head.

“Fuck, I’m gonna fill you up now, baby. C’mon, sweetheart, I’m gonna come, fuck.” Jack cursed, thrusting into you one last time, before coming inside the condom.

All you could hear were your sniffles and his breathing. Your legs were still shaking and your body felt the same way it did whenever you had a fever.

You could hear Jack moving, but you only acted when you felt himself removing his dick. “N-No. Please, stay. Just… for a bit?” You sounded fragile, almost insecure, and you hated it. It wasn’t anything like you, at all. You had guys and girls throwing themselves at you everyday— not that it mattered, you never took interest in any of them— so you shouldn’t act like a needy… slut.

But your fucked up brain couldn’t handle the thought of Jack leaving you. So, you did what you could. Begged.

You heard him chuckling and before your brain could tell you that he was laughing at your request, you felt him moving you both around and, without removing his cock from you, he managed to lay on the bed and let you on top of his, your head on the crock of his neck, your intimate parts still connected.

You sighed, content and full, feeling even better when he put the duvet on top of you both, making you snuggle even closer. He chuckled again.

“Feeling very cozy in there, right, sweetheart?” He mumbled, and you smiled, even if he couldn’t see. He smelled like sandalwood and something else, something that didn’t smell like a cologne or anything like that— just him.

You didn’t know how much time had passed, you probably snoozed after a minute or two, but you woke up startled, feeling empty because he had just removed himself from you. You whined.

“We need to clean you up, c’mon,” he said, rising from the bed and taking you with him. He didn’t seem to care that you were both naked and you looked like you had seen better days— your makeup was all smudged and your eyeliner was long gone. But you felt so freaking good. “I need you to pee. I’ll wait for you outside if you want.”

You looked at the man in front of you, who looked nothing like the cocky guy who hit on you not even three hours ago. He looked soft and gentle, and you were all here for it.

“That’d be great, thank you,” you said softly, and he kissed you on the forehead, before leaving and closing the door behind him. You looked at your reflection in the big ass mirror in front of you and sighed, smiling. You looked fucked but damn. You felt like you had just hit the jackpot.

And maybe you had.

You peed and cleaned yourself, trying to remove the remains of your makeup with wet paper. It didn’t do much, but it was better than going out there looking like Chucky’s bride.

You opened the bathroom door, feeling cold once again. Now that your body temperature was going back to normal, you felt cold walking around naked.

Jack was standing in the middle of the room, wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and nothing else.

It should be illegal for someone to look this good after rearranging my organs.

“I picked some of my clothes for you. You won’t be sleeping in my bed with Nico’s ugly jersey,” he raised his brow, looking truly upset with Nico’s shirt.

You smiled. “It’s fine. I’m not going to spend the night. That is against the rules of a one night stand.”

It felt stupid to say shit like that, but it was true. Now that the sex drive was going away, you regained some of your senses and confidence and you knew that being a clingy bitch wouldn’t get you anything.

“I mean, I can sleep in my guest room if sleeping with me makes you uncomfortable, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting you go back to your house alone at one in the fucking morning.”

“I know how to take care of myself, Hughes,” you heard yourself saying and you wanted to slap yourself. Where did the attitude even come from anyway? “Besides, I’ll just get an Uber.”

“The fuck you will,” he laughed— he actually laughed. You couldn’t believe it. “Lay down. With how hard I fucked you, you should be like Aurora from Sleeping Beauty anytime now.”

You suppress a giggle, giving in. So easy. “You’re annoying as fuck.”

“Funny, you didn't say that when I was eating your pussy.” He shrugged and climbed on the right side of his bed.

Your face went all shades of red.

“Come on, Sophia. Think about your poor consequences tomorrow.”

You rolled your eyes and climbed on his king sized bed. He wrapped his hands around your waist and you put your head in his chest, and listened to his heartbeat until you fell asleep.

He was right. You could manage the consequences tomorrow.

[stargirlmaybank]

camgirl // jj maybank

y/n turns up in new clothes and jj figures out how she can afford it

MDNI !!! 18+

Word count: 3.2k

a/n: hi so this is my first ever smut and of course it had to be with jj maybank so let me know what you think!

warnings: smut, fingering, oral (m&f receiving), penetration (f receiving), choking, dirty talk, overstimulation, daddy kink!jj, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), filming sex

"are those new clothes?" you hear the voice of kiara. you look down at my new denim levi's shorts and white crocheted crop top. they were new, you'd gotten them today and couldn't wait to wear them for the first time. you shrug your shoulders slightly as you settle myself into a chair around the fire, in between jj and kie, "oh, yeah i got them today. um, had some good tips this week". it wasn't technically a lie, working at the country club where the kooks went brought in some decent money, but definitely not enough to afford splurging on clothes, so your spending money came from other ventures. kie seems to glance at the outfit for a moment before dropping the subject and turning over to listen to pope. 

you take in your surroundings after getting situated, looking at the group of pogues you spend all my time with. your eyes settle on jj, who is looking at the new clothes with an unreadable expression on his face. when he realises your staring, he draws his gaze up to meet yours. you tilt your head a little and raise your eyebrows slightly as if to say 'what's up' without saying anything at all. he returns the look with a shrug and tears his eyes away to concentrate on his beer bottle as he lifts it up to his lips to take in a drink. you briefly take note of his behaviour, before eventually chalking it up to him being buzzed. 

the group end up spending a couple hours of the evening out in front of the chateau, chatting and drinking, trying to forget about losing the cross of santo domingo to rafe. it seems to be all they do lately, the dream of going "full pogue" slipping through their fingers time and time again. this is what spurred your decision to make an onlyfans account; the extra money. it'd only been a few weeks since you started up your account, but it's been growing steadily as you post more and more, from photos to videos. that's where your clothes came from, not that you could tell kie that. your friends wouldn't judge you and you knew that, but it's still not the most casual topic. 

glancing at your phone, you spot the time reading just past midnight. you know you have content to film and edit tonight and it'll take you a while, so you'd better start heading back. since luke disappeared, you've been staying at jj's in the spare room, so now is the best time to film while he's still here. "'m gonna head out guys, before i fall asleep in this chair," you mutter, stretching your legs and standing up. your friends say goodbye, but not before john b offers to let you stay at the chateau. "nah it's alright, but thank you jb. you coming home tonight jayj?" you turn to jj. he flicks his eyes up to you, stopping for a moment to think. "uh, yeah probably. not sure when i'll be back though," he replies nonchalantly, to which you offer a small nod and smile in response. walking away from your friends, you head back to jj's on your bike.

after getting back home, you set up your phone on the tripod in front of your bed, and change into some lacy blue lingerie. the room was dark, apart from the soft warm glow of the bedside lamp, and the dim tripod ring light illuminating your body. you set the camera to record, then get settled on the bed in the lens view. your hands trail down your body, stopping to give attention to your tits as your fingers circle your nipples over the lace of your bra. letting out a short sigh, you reach around your body to unhook the clasp behind your back, before sliding the material off of your body. your hands quickly returning to your chest, swirling and pinching your hardened nipples as your breathing becomes more shallow.

you let your right hand stop and slowly trail down your abdomen, the feather-like touch causing your stomach to twitch. as you reach your panties, you let your fingertips slip underneath to graze at the skin under the waistband before peeling them off your body at a torturous pace, teasing the camera. you slip your legs out of the thong before tossing it aside and opening your legs wider to reveal your glistening pussy, already slick with your arousal. your hand glides down your inner thigh before settling on your entrance. bringing your middle finger up, you collect your wetness, stopping at your sensitive clit. you rub lazy circles, sending a jolt through your body, and drawing out breathy moans from your mouth. 

you increase the pace of the circles on your clit as you drag your left hand away from your boobs and placing your middle finger just at the entrance of your hole. "i know you want me, daddy," you whine to the camera, pushing in your middle finger with a loud moan and setting a brutal pace. adding a second finger, you slam into your pussy, the sounds of your wetness and your moans filling the room. "god, you fill me up so good daddy," you whine as you continue pleasuring yourself, the familiar knot slowly creeping into your stomach. you don't slow down, desperately chasing your high, muttering 'fuck' and 'god' under your breath as the sensation grows stronger. your mind starts going hazy, focussing purely on the pleasure you're drawing out of yourself.

and that's why you didn't pick up on the opening and closing of the front door, or the footsteps inside the house. all you heard was your moans, and the pounding of your pussy. and that's why you don't notice your door slightly opening, or the body standing in the gap as your vision goes black while your orgasm rips through you for the first time tonight. you let go all over your fingers, their movements slowing down but not stopping to prolong your high for as long as possible. you desperately try to control your rapid breathing as spots of vision begin to trickle into your eyes. that's when you spot him. jj, stood in the doorframe, darkened eyes trained directly on your soaked hands. 

"fuck," you gasp desperately trying to cover yourself up, away from his gaze as the video rolls on. his face has a smug expression all over it as he leans on the doorframe and crosses his arms. "so this is why you left early. and why you were parading around in new clothes," he glances to the tripod before returning back to you. you go to speak, but stutter miserably, sitting up with your knees pressed into your body. "jayj-" "no need to explain, i see what's going on here," he chuckles lowly. "i knew you weren't getting money from new clothes from that country club. you've been showing off your pretty pussy to get some money. it's okay baby, i get why they'd pay to see it. i mean, i would." your cheeks burn in embarrassment of getting caught, eyes darting around the room for something to put on. jj shuts the door and settles himself in a chair across the room. "don't stop on my account. i'd be happy to hear your pretty little moans as you fuck yourself with your fingers. unless..." he trails off. "unless what?" your words come flying out, earning a breathy laugh in response. "unless you really want to give them a show hm? show them what sounds come out of you when you're filled up on cock."

you nod slightly, and within a second, jj crosses the room and connects his mouth to yours in a bruising kiss, his hands flying to your body, settling one on your hip and one on your tits. you moan into his mouth as he digs his fingers into your hip. slipping his tongue into your mouth he takes control as you reach for the belt looped into his shorts. with shaky hands from adrenaline, you unto the buckle, followed by the button of his shorts, desperately trying to strip him of his clothing until he's at your level. his hands leave your body only to push down his shorts and lift his shirt over his head, the clothing joining the pile on the floor where your underwear landed. 

your hand falls over the outline of his cock through his underwear, taking in a sharp breath as you feel the size of him under the material. this earns you a grin from jj as he kneels onto the bed at the side of you. "'m gonna fill you up princess. gonna pound into you until you can't take it anymore and beg me to stop," he taunts, pulling you up onto your knees, sideways to the camera. teasingly, he pulls down his underwear to the bottom of his thighs to reveal his cock, already painfully hard at the sight of you. he's huge, with prominent veins snaking up the sides from the base to his blushing tip. 

he strokes your head before grabbing a handful of your hair. "think you can take me in your mouth baby? put those pretty lips around my cock," he guides your head down by your hair until you're face level with his cock. you spit on it, wrapping your hand around the base and sliding up and down to cover it. you start slowly jerking him off while you dart your tongue out to lick the beads of precum off of his slit. you hear him groan, then feel his hand roughly grab your jaw. "don't tease me princess. open your mouth" he spits out, letting go of your jaw to grab your hair tighter. you open your mouth, placing your lips around his tip and softly sucking. he takes a sharp breath at the contact, before thrusting his hips forward and pushes his cock further into your mouth while he holds your head still by his hair. you splutter around him at the unexpected movement, earning a moan from his lips. 

"that's it. fucking take it y/n. that's my little slut," he sets a fast pace, roughly fucking your mouth as his tip hits the back of your throat. you place your hands on his thighs to balance yourself, your nails leaving crescent indents in his skin. spit covers your face from your mouth, falling down to cover your tits. you moan around his cock, sending vibrations through that causes a deep groan from his throat. he glances to your phone recording, watching the side view of his cock go in and out of your mouth as he slyly grins. "look at how pretty she looks, choking on my cock," he talks to the camera, the shallowness of his breath evident in his tone. his moans get louder, your name spilling from his mouth like a prayer. he pulls your head back with your hair, disconnecting your mouth from his cock. 

he pushes your body back until your back reaches the mattress then shifts himself downwards. "wanna taste you pretty girl," he mutters before diving into your pussy, his tongue licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit. you jolt, your clit still swollen and sensitive from your earlier orgasm. jj blows cool air onto your slick cunt, causing you to shiver and grasp at his hair. looping his arms around your thighs, he locks you into place as he begins his assault on your clit. he wraps his lips around it, sucking and swirling his tongue on your bundle of nerves. you cry out loudly, "that feels so good, don't stop daddy." your mind short circuits for a moment when you realise what you called him as he pulls his face away for a second and locks eyes with you. you go to apologise before he beats you to it "fuck you're so hot. that's right, daddy's gonna take care of you," he grins before assuming his previous position. you let out a moan and arch your back off of the bed, gripping his hair tighter and pushing his face closer. your hips grind against his tongue as pleasure shoots through your body. 

jj pulls back one of his hands and without warning, slips two fingers into your pussy. he sets a fast pace, curling his fingers upwards to your sweet spot. your cries get louder as you rut your hips faster, desperate for your second release of the night. jj feels your walls clenching around his fingers as he continues to stimulate your clit with his tongue. "that's right baby, i know you're close. want you to come around my fingers, cover my face with your cum," he pleads, his grip on you hip tightening, certain you'll have bruises in the morning. you feel the pit in your stomach growing, inching towards the release. "daddy, 'm gonna- gonna cum- fuck" you cry, finally falling over the edge as euphoria spreads across your body, your muscles contracting causing you to shake uncontrollably. jj doesn't slow down, guiding you through your high to the point of overstimulation. you feel so sensitive it almost hurts, trying to push his head away from your pussy. 

he finally pulls away, your cum spread across the lower half of his face, glistening in the low light. pulling his fingers out of you, he brings them up to your mouth, which you gladly open to allow him to slip his digits inside. "taste yourself princess, you taste so fucking sweet," he croons, trying to even out his breath. you swirl your tongue around his fingers, tasting yourself as you clean your slick off of him. he pulls his body up to tower over you, shuffling until his body is in between your thighs. with his other hand, he grabs his member and pushes it between your slit, coating himself with the cum dripping out of you as the head nudges your hypersensitive clit. you moan around his fingers at the contact. he drags his fingers out of your mouth, settling his hand around your neck and applying light pressure to the sides. it's not enough to hurt, but enough for you to feel your heartbeat in your neck more prominently as your brain clouds slightly. "now what do you say? you think i should give you my cock? fill up your greedy little pussy for everyone to see?" he asks, slapping your pussy with his cock before lining his tip up with your entrance. you nod furiously, "give it to me daddy, please. i wanna feel you inside me." you beg. 

pushing his tip in, you both gasp in unison as he stretches out your entrance with the size of him. he stills his hips, allowing you both a moment to adjust and catch your breath. you look up at him and lock eyes, nodding after a moment to show you're ready. he thrusts his hips forward, snapping his hips to yours as you let out a sharp gasp. he pulls out again slowly, before quickly pushing back in. he continues this slow but rough pace as your walls grip him, his tip brushing past your sweet spot each time. "fuck baby, you're so fucking tight around me. your pussy feels so good i never want to get out of it," he moans, gripping your neck as his other hand pulls your leg over his shoulder, changing the angle. he slowly starts increasing the pace, causing your tits to bounce up and down with the force of his thrusts. 

you turn your head to the side to glance at the view in your phone, watching as his cock disappears into your pussy, focusing on the space where both your bodies meet. you notice how fucked out you look, with your hooded eyes and swollen lips, still shiny with spit and your juices. jj joins you in looking towards the camera, grinning at the same sight. "look at how good you look, taking me so well princess. your subscribers are going to love this huh?" he drags his gaze back in front of him. you slide your hand down to meet your clit, rubbing light circles, trying to avoid overstimulation. jj takes note of this and lets go of your neck to move your hand out of the way, replacing it with his own and a harder pressure. a whimper falls out of your mouth at this, your hand gripping his wrist to try to pull his hand away. "please, i can't take it. it's too much," you beg, your pleading eyes meeting his hungry ones. he shakes his head at you "aw poor baby, come on you can take it. be my good little slut, wanna feel you cum around my cock," his thumb draws rough circles on your clit, the pace of his thrusts never faltering. you feel his balls hit against your ass with every thrust, the sound of your wetness and skin making contact meeting your ears along with both of your moans. 

for the third time, the knot of pleasure appears, increasing faster than before. with your orgasm quickly approaching, you feel jj's hips falter slightly, falling out of rhythm as his breaths grow more ragged. "you gonna cum for me? i can feel you clenching around me, 'm not gonna last," he manages to spit out in between breaths. you nod as you feel your legs begin to shake. "where do you want my cum baby? want daddy to fill up your pussy, hm?" he asks, with a nod of your head in response. "give me your cum, daddy. please," you breathe out. within moments, your orgasm crashes over you like a tidal wave, causing you to scream out and writhe in pleasure, your pussy clenching around jj. his orgasm immediately follows, his cum spilling out inside of you as he slows his thrusts, riding out both of your highs as he pumps into you.

he leans down to plant a kiss on your lips, slowly bringing his hips to a stop, leaving his cock still inside of you. he peppers kisses around your jaw and neck as you try to control your breathing and your shaking body. his cock slips out and you whine at the loss of contact, jj pulling away to look down at your pussy. he smirks and walks over to the end of the bed where your tripod is. grabbing your phone, he carries it over to give a view of his cum dripping out of you to the camera. "look at how fucking hot that looks. my cum dripping out of you, hm?" he takes his finger and pushes it back into you, fucking the cum back inside. he tilts the camera upwards, capturing how fucked out you look, your body shining with sweat as your eyes drop closed with exhaustion. 

he ends the video, dropping your phone onto the bed before grabbing his shirt off of the floor to clean you off with. you whine as it makes contact with your clit, and he chuckles and mutters an apology. he finishes cleaning you up and flops onto the bed beside you. "so," he begins, "feel like giving the viewers what they want and doing this more often?" he asks. you giggle, snuggling up to his body and give him a nod. "i'd be happy to."

[bountydroid]

Darlin' pt 2

pt 1 / pt3

Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x f!reader (right now there is nothing romantic, maybe in the future I am undecided.)

Description: Where the reader arguably makes the stupidest decision of her life, following a ghoul who obviously doesn't want her there.

TW: Talk of physical abuse and bad parenting

I stayed there on my knees in the mud for some time. Stunned at the events that just transpired. I had nowhere to go, my wrists were still bound, and I had no weapon. I was truly fucked. I slowly rose to my feet as I looked around. The ghoul took one of the men's guns and Slim's was far too heavy for me to carry. I stumbled my way to the grave to look down inside. Honcho wasn't moving, and if I crawled down in there to get his gun there was no way I was getting out again. I sighed. I thought back to the ghoul. He was my only chance, but he didn't want my help.

I sighed again as I looked down at the chicken before untying her and setting her free. "At least one of us can be free," I said smiling to her before she ran off. 

I stood there in the dark weighing my options when my eyes fell to the tracks in the mud. Maybe if I stick close to him, I'll be okay? At least until we reach a town. I would stay out of his way. Ideally, he wouldn't even know I was there. 

"You are insane," I said to myself before I started following the tracks in front of me, grabbing Slim's bag on my way past him.

After about a day I was exhausted. I had no idea if I was going in the right direction anymore, I was no tracker and I lost his prints a long time ago. I stopped and bent over, pressing my palms to my knees while trying to catch my breath when I heard a gun cock behind me.

"Now why would you be following me?" The ghoul said behind me. "You must be a special kind of stupid."

I couldn't help the exhausted laugh that bubbled in my throat as I slowly stood up. "I must be. If you killed me right now, it wouldn't make a difference. I'll die on my own anyway." I said still facing away from him, feeling defeated.

There was a long moment of silence before I finally looked behind me. There was no hint of emotion on the ghoul's face.

"Let me follow you until we reach a settlement. I'll stay out of your way. I won't ask you for anything. Please." I begged.

At this, he looked down at my still bound wrists and then back up at my sad face. He sighed as he holstered his gun. "Come here then girl," he said, waving me over. 

I tripped over my feet hurrying over to the man, raising my wrists as he took out his knife and cut me free. "Thank you, sir."

At this, it was his turn to laugh. "Sir? Well I'll be damned you are probably the only person left on this godforsaken planet with some manners."

I smiled up at him, I thought maybe he wasn't so scary after all.

"You will be completely silent. No complaining. If you annoy me, I will turn that pretty ass into jerky. Got it?" He said with a serious look on his face.

"Right. I can do that." I whispered looking down at my feet, feeling stupid. 

We walked until it was far too dark to continue. I silently collected firewood as he put his bag down on the ground. As I made my way to our makeshift camp I stood in front of him with my arms full of sticks.

"What?" He barked out, obviously annoyed. 

"Nothin'" I responded quickly before shuffling away from him embarrassed. 

I tried my best to arrange the wood before pulling the flint out of the bag I took off of Slim. A small fire started and I smiled. I was cold from all the mud plastered to the front of me and was relieved to feel the warmth of the fire. I looked over at the ghoul to see him leaning up against a tree with his hat covering his face. I hummed happily as I thought about the arrangement we came up with, although I couldn't help but want to talk to him, the walk has been incredibly boring. 

After a while of warming up by the fire, I got comfortable and drifted off to sleep.

-

I woke with a start. I looked around confused before I realized there was a boot in my side. I looked up at the ghoul hovering above me. "Get up darlin'." He said before walking away. "Time to move."

I quickly jumped up and grabbed my bag before running after him. This was the routine for days. I had honestly lost track of how long I had been following the ghoul. The silent marches from sun up to sun down were starting to get to me. I felt like I was going crazy.

"If my memory serves me well. I can be rid of you by tomorrow morning." He said with a sour tone.

"Okay," I responded quickly. I wanted to say as little as possible so he doesn't make true to his threat.

He looked back at me for a second as he continued to walk. "How did you get yourself into this mess anyway?"

I hesitated to answer, remembering he told me to stay silent. I looked up at him to see him scoff and turn away again. 

"I ran away from home. Was on my own for a while before I ran into those idiots. They found me while I was sleeping, I had no chance to escape until you killed them."

"Ran away from home?" He repeated back at me. "That was stupid."

"Well, I'd rather be eaten by a ghoul than continue to be beaten by my father," I responded curtly.

He laughed at this. "Getting feisty aren't we darlin'?"

"Sorry," I responded. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have." He said with a tone that I couldn't quite figure out. 

We walked in silence for what felt like forever, I tried to keep track of time by looking up at the sun but it was a cloudy, cold day. I couldn't help but start to shiver. My feet started to ache terribly, I wanted to ask for a break but I bit my tongue. No complaining had been one of his rules. I didn't want to push my luck with him. 

"Stop." He said abruptly, pulling me from my thoughts. 

"Wha-" I asked confused.

"Quiet." He interrupted as his hand slowly wrapped around his gun and turned towards me. 

Before I had a chance to react the barrel of his gun was next to my face and he shot a round off. 

I cried out as my ears rang painfully and I fell to the ground in shock. He said something to me, but I couldn't hear a thing. I held my head as I watched him walk behind me towards a man, dead on the ground. He rummaged through the dead man's pockets, pulling out a couple of caps before walking back towards me. 

"A fiend." I thought to myself.

Instead of saying anything he offered me his gloved hand. I hesitantly took it and let him pull me back to my feet. He mumbled something but I couldn't hear it. Not long after this, we made camp again.

-

The next day, I slowed down a lot, but we were very close to town. I was beyond exhausted and barely had any will to keep going. The distance was growing between us before he finally stopped and whipped around, visibly annoyed. 

"Walk faster. Remember what I said about annoying me darlin'." He barked at me. 

I stared at him quietly before saying. "Why not just leave me behind, then?"

"Don't tempt me." He grumbled as he roughly grabbed my arm and started dragging me along. 

A few minutes later we reached a small settlement. We got a couple of strange looks as he continued to drag me by my arm before finally letting go as soon as he set eyes on a "doctors" office. I just stood there. Unsure what to do now. I was in town, albeit a small one. There were only three buildings and a couple of food stalls. I could do whatever I wanted. I couldn't follow him anymore, that was for certain. I heard a commotion from inside the office, but it wasn't my problem anymore. I slowly wandered away eyeing up the food stands. Dog meat wasn't appetizing, but I hadn't had real food in days. I rummaged around Slim's pack before I found enough caps to buy myself a meal. 

I hummed happily as I finished my food, I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

"Well, aren't you a pretty thing?" A man slurred behind me. "How much for your time?"

"I am not a prostitute." I scoffed as I turned around to face him.

"Free then?" He smiled menacingly as he grabbed ahold of me. His grip was so tight that I could feel my arm bruising.

Without thinking I drove the empty skewer in my hand into the man's eye and ran. I heard yelling behind me, but I kept running mindlessly. Before I realized what I was doing, I ran right into the arms of the ghoul as he was exiting the doctor's office. 

"What in the hell?" He exclaimed, shocked by my actions before he looked up to see the man following me with blood running down his face. 

"That bitch belongs to you? She must be some kind of freak to be with a ghoul." He growled angrily.

I buried my face into the ghoul's chest, afraid to look at his face. I desperately hoped he would take mercy on me once again.

"Well, darlin' you do have some bite to ya." The ghoul laughed while eyeing up the man standing in front of him. 

"Give me the girl and get gone." The man spit out.

"Well, that just won't do." The ghoul responded while smirking, obviously amused. "Get behind me darlin'," he whispered quietly as he stared down the thug.

I quickly did as I was told before I heard some more shots ring off, before I knew it, the whole town turned into a shoot-off. I dropped to the ground and crawled into the doctor's office hiding behind the counter next to a very dead doctor.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself looking over at him, wondering what had transpired between him and the ghoul.

I stayed there until I heard a familiar voice yell out. "Anyone else wanna try me? That was fun, but I am itching for a REAL challenge." Only to get silence in return.

I peeked my head around the counter before finally getting up to my feet and shuffling to the doorway. Before I could stick my head out, the ghoul appeared in front of me. 

"Thank you," I said smiling shyly up at him.

He stared down at me for a moment before saying, "Come on then. I need to get going if I am going to catch that bounty and Filly ain't far."

"I am coming with you?" I questioned, trying to hide the relief on my face. 

"Well, you obviously can't be trusted on your own. Can ya darlin'?" He responded slyly.

"Oh thank you so much. You won't regret this!" I said to him as I grabbed ahold of his sleeve. 

He stared down at my fist before looking back up into my eyes. I could see the hesitation on his face. Little did I know, this was the most human contact he had had in a long time, and it stirred something deep within him. 

An odd friendship had formed between us, and neither of us knew how to feel about it.

tag list: @msrawog

[teamatsumu]

kinktober 2023 -> day 3

phone sex - oikawa tooru x reader

word count: 1,061

kinktober masterlist

The hallway was alive with chatter, and you were sure you would have missed your phone ringing in the noise if it wasn’t already in your hand. You frowned at the contact name, confused why your boyfriend was calling you. According to your calculations, it was almost midnight in Argentina right now, so why was he awake?

“Tooru?” You answered, using a finger to plug your other ear so you could hear him better over the noise of the students crowding your university hallways. You could barely make out shuffling on the other end of the line, before Oikawa’s familiar voice broke through.

“Heyyyy.” He whined, immediately following it with a giggle. You rolled your eyes and felt your lip twitch with amusement.

“Tooru, why are you still up?” You hiked your bag higher on your shoulder as you made your way through the halls. “You have practice tomorrow.”

You heard a thud on the line, followed by a curse. “I missed you, Y/N-chan~”

Oh. You sighed when the realization hit you. “Are you drunk?”

“No!” Came the instant reply. “Only a little tipsy.”

You bit back a laugh at how indignant he sounded. There was another thud and another curse, this time in Spanish, and your lips twitched in amusement.

“You okay there, champ?” You teased, almost imagining Oikawa stumbling around his home.

“‘M just tryna get out of these damn clothes.” He mumbled, before you heard another soft thump and a relieved sigh.

“Finally in bed?” You asked. “Get some rest now.”

“Nooo..” Oikawa trailed off. “Talk to me. I miss you.”

You sighed. “You need to get up super early tomorrow, baby. And I know you’re tired. You need to sleep.”

“I miss your face.” Oikawa continued talking, as if he hadn’t even heard you. You weren’t surprised. Sober Oikawa was hard enough to deal with, drunk Oikawa was insufferable.

“If you were here, I would cuddle you.” He rambled on. “You’d feel so good against me right now. Y’know I’m completely naked? Bet you’d be naked too if you were here. God, I’d just dip my fingers into your pussy to see how we-”

“Tooru!” You yelled, eyes nearly popping out of your head at how the conversation (one-sided as it was) took a turn. You cursed internally when a few people turned around to look at you at the noise, frantically looking around for a more private place. You ducked into the door which said ‘restroom’ on it, mere feet away from where you were standing. The noise from the hall faded away.

“What the hell?” You continued, walking closer to the sinks, relieved that the bathroom was empty.

“I’m horny!” Your boyfriend whined on the other end.

“Well, I can’t do anything about that right now!” You snapped, checking the stalls to see that they were also thankfully empty.

“Yes you can!” He shot back. “C’mon, tell me what you’re wearing.”

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. This fucker. “I’m at uni, Tooru. Be serious.”

“Please, baby.” He whined again, though this time it was more breathy. Your eyes widened when you realized he was probably touching himself. “‘M so hard. And it’s been so long. God, I miss your body. I miss your voice.”

You felt yourself clench at the thought of Tooru running his hand over himself right now. You looked around at the completely empty bathroom, biting your lip in contemplation. Were you really going to do this?

One more image of Oikawa laid out naked and turned on, of his glorious body and roughed up chestnut hair, was enough for you to make your decision.

“Okay.” You breathed out. “Hold on.”

You rushed to lock the bathroom door, moving into a stall and locking that too for extra measure. “Fuck, okay.”

“Talk to me.” You heard him on the other end, almost begging. You sighed and pushed your hand into your pants, biting your lip when your fingers brushed your clit. This was going to be quick and messy, you could already tell.

“I’m,” you gulped. “I’m touching myself.”

A groan. “Yeah?” He sounded so wrecked already. God. You realized in that moment how badly you had missed him too.

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. “Touching my clit. Feels good.”

Oikawa cursed. “Keep going, baby. Push down harder. Then put a finger inside.”

You followed his instructions, allowing yourself to let out a little moan at the feeling of being filled, albeit only slightly.

“God, I can imagine you right now.” Oikawa rambled on, and you could almost hear the sound of his hand moving, slightly wet, probably from the precum. “Bet you’re already soaking for me, aren’t you? Bet you miss my cock.”

“I do!” You whined, now fully immersed and overcome with pleasure, sliding another finger inside your hole. “‘S not the same, Tooru. Miss your big cock. Miss being filled to the brim.”

“S-shit, baby.” His voice sounded so broken, and it pushed you even closer to the edge. “I miss your pussy all the time. Can’t wait to get back and fuck you until you can’t walk. God, I’m gonna ruin you. Just let me come back. Let me come back.”

His ramblings were getting nonsensical, but his voice was wrecked and you moaned at the sound, your orgasm building far quicker than you anticipated, your movement growing frantic.

“Tooru, I’m so close.”

“M-me too. Fuck. C’mon baby, come all over your fingers like a good girl. You do that and I’ll give you my cock when I get back. I’ll fuck you five different ways. Just come for me right now, Y/N. Come.”

You moaned as your orgasm finally hit, letting Oikawa talk you through it with his silver tongue. You listened as he announced his own release, getting off on the sound of his curses and broken groans and using them to prolong your own orgasm. By the time you were done, you were sweaty and out of breath.

All was silent for a few minutes as you readjusted your clothes, putting your phone to your ear once again and not hearing anything except Oikawa’s steady breathing. You nearly snorted.

Bastard fell asleep immediately after cumming. Figures.

You dropped him a goodnight text before ending the call, unlocking the door and going about your way as if nothing had happened in the bathroom stall.

Taglist:

@bxbyyyjocelyn @thisbicc @lazuliquartzz @dreamayy @kuroosluthoe @true-form-hoe @akumakitsune21 @cham0mil3-and-h0n3y @samisfunky @universal-s1ut @msbyomimi i @dohwaesu @leothesquishy @n0tmykays @tsukiran @reyofsunshinelol @bleach-your-panties @galaneiaeris @leyra-giovanni @erenspersonalwh0re @peachesncats @soapsoftheworld @iwannabecamiloshovel

A/N: For those whose tags arent working, im sorry! I tried and for some reason, your names wont show up in the mentions :( another way of being notified is to turn on my blog notifs for @teamatsumufics . I only reblog my fics there so it serves almost like being in a taglist!

[serejae]

TAKE A CHANCE WITH ME | BND

WHAT ? - BND TRYING TO REKINDLE WHAT THEY HAD (P1)

WHEN ? - (warning) this is not a REAL display of the members im just doing this for weeping entertainment:) cursing

WHO ? - (a/n) i had a lot of mixed reactions whether to make a p2 or not but here we are!! i love niki sm

uncapitalization intended and not proofread

theres a theory that you will always meet the same person twice

P.SUNGHO ;

as soon as he turned around and made eye contact with you he knew he had a decision to make. either leave you alone or try and attempt to fix what you two had. and one thing Sungho didn't want to do was admit he didn't try when he had the chance to. he didn't care if his friends looked at him weirdly when he suddenly got up from the table and walked away. everything was a blur now, he didn't know what he was doing but his brain went on autopilot and took charge. when he finally stood in front of you he snapped back into reality, at this point your table had gone quiet as well. he stared at you and you stared back at him in silence.

"can we...uhm talk?" he said scratching the back of his neck as his voice died down with each word. to avoid the awkward situation your friends were in you just nodded and walked out of the bar with sungho. the first 3 seconds which felt like minutes were just of uncomfortable silence until he spoke up.

"i'm sorry, no i'm really sorry. i don't-

you were right that day that you left, that i didn't pull my weight and it was wrong of me to even get mad at you for wanting a healthy relationship but it was even worse of me to let you leave not knowing how much i love and value you. i'm not ask for forgiveness now or to be taken back i just want you to know that i realize how ashamed i am for how i acted that night and how i do love you

so much. "

he whispered that last part but you heard it clearly. "thank you for that, it's nice for peace of mind but this is a lot...i'll call you once i made up my mind" you said to which he nodded with a closed smile knowing he knows that you know he loves you (still)

L.RIWOO ;

he couldn't speak, if he did his first words would probably be tears. you spoke up to interrupt the silence. "here's...your things" you said to which he looked up at you, and he moved out of the way. you just stood there though not knowing what he meant "can you put it on the counter?" he asked quietly not wanting his voice to shake, you walked in put the box on the counter, and turned around ready to leave. you told yourself two things, drop the box and go. he held your shoulder, not in a rough way but rather in a desperate way. "don't you want your things?" he asked

shit. you forgot about that

"uh yeah," he emptied the box of his things and you picked it up walking into the bedroom. you walked into the closet and started putting your stuff in the box with your back facing him

"i'm sorry."

you freeze at his words, please don't do this riwoo.

"i took these last days to reflect upon myself and us and...i understand why you wanted to leave. i clearly wasn't healed and you didn't deserve to be treated like that, it was selfish of me to always blame you when it was really me. we both know I'm still not ready for a relationship but if your willing to

will you wait for me to heal?"

you turned to look at him and could see some remorse in his eyes

"i can try."

M. JAEHYUN ;

jaehyun couldn't do it anymore. he couldn't live his life normally as he did since there was no more you. he had to see you one more time

even if it meant it was the last time

jaehyun spent the whole week reciting the moment, what he would say what he would bring. what he would do. unfortunately for him, things weren't going according to plan, he had a last-minute online meeting and the only way he would make it to your favorite cafe and flower shop on time before they closed was if he arrived in the clothes he was wearing currently. a worn-out t-shirt and some sweatpants, he could've done it another day but today would've been your 1st anniversary if you had stayed together. he wanted to make it...special

after scrambling in the lines and traffic he had gotten the cafe goods and the flowers. so there he was at your door. he didn't know where his confidence went. so he just stood there, impulsively he knocked rather harshly and almost ran until he saw you open the door. it sounds dramatic but after 3 days he had forgotten your face, scent, and voice, he was just deprived of you. "yes jaehyun?" you asked

what happened to his week of planning?

why was he failing miserably now?

why was he about to cry a river?

"i miss you a lot." thats about all he was able to get out

"jaehyun we talked about why i had to leave"

"i cut her off! I promise! i'm sorry i didn't realize it sooner, i just thought that was normal but clearly it was not. one more chance please, I'll cut off anyone you want me too" he said on the verge of tears.

"it wasn't about cutting people off silly, i just wanted you to set some boundaries with her"

"i'm sorry i just let you leave before realizing how right you were about her and defending her so stupidly without seeing your side and now i understand how weird and wrong of me it was and i understand why you felt the way you felt. i'll set all the boundaries you want, we can just be friends i just need you back in my life"

you could tell by his eyes and tone that he was sincere with his words and was desperate to have you back

"lets start off fresh jaehyun"

H. TAESAN ;

taesan didn't know how to approach this. he didn't know whether to scream out his love for you or to do it simply, either way his mind was like a fish out of water without you, just spinny spin. he knew you weren't the type to forgive easily and he was okay with that, especially with how he treated you.

taesan was rather calm with his approach as he knew that he would have to do some groveling. he picked up flowers and a plush and knocked on your door. when you opened the door and saw who it was you closed it immediately, he expected it so he let out a deep sigh of disappointment and decided he'll try again tomorrow. as he picked up his head and was about to turn he felt water on his face, he stood there shocked for a second before realizing what you were doing. you were spraying him with water to punish him, when you stopped he opened his eyes to see your barely visible smirk. you spray him one last time before closing the door. he stood there trying to process everything before you opened the door again for the third time, except much calmer

"how can i help you?"

he stared at you drenched "i'm sorry for just letting you go like that, i should've valued you more-"

"restart"

"what?"

"you heard me"

"i'm sorry for hurting-"

"i will spray you again"

"I'm sorry for being a asshole and not realizing how much you meant to me before you actually left. I'm sorry for taking so long to realize that i love you and you were actually all i needed on those days i shut everyone out. I'll work on communication but i do trust you and do want to tell you everything i feel."

he was going to speak again until he felt another spray of water on his face, wiping away the water he could see your smile now

"come inside, you have a lot of explaining to do"

K.LEEHAN ;

after losing you leehan stopped craving the attention of anyone else but you. he stopped going to areas he knew would attract his fangirls. one of the places he avoided most was parties despite his friends still inviting him. this one day he felt it in his gut to go. he didn't know what would happen but he knew it needed to happen. there just so happened to be a party that day.

after he had gotten ready he pep-talked himself in the mirror and gave himself on last look before leaving. at the party, his friends were hyped that he finally came to one in months. his friend brought him over to the balcony to talk and he saw that there were no one there besides 2 people standing against the railing. his friend stood against the railing and was talking, to which leehan didn't pay much attention to until his friend caught a glimpse of the other person standing at the balcony and excused himself to go catch up with this person leaving leehan and one other person. he looked over and caught a quick glimpse before taking a double take.

it was you. you looked over too and smiled warmly before looking back.

he may be delusional but this had to be his gut feeling.

"i haven't seen you at these parties lately" you spoke up playing with your nails

"yeah, i just didn't want to go" he said scratching the back of his head "after our..." he continued

"i know, i know" you quietly laughed

"I'm really sorry, you know?" he started while looking over at you he saw you look at him and got that feeling in his stomach. this was definitely his gut feeling

"over these months i took time to reflect and set my priorities straight and understood how not okay it was to just treat you like that. you mean more to me than anything and i was too busy being satisfied with proving to myself that you loved me when in reality i didn't have to make you go through all of that." he felt you grab his wrist and looked up at you, he saw you look over and turned to see where you were looking. both of your guy's friends returned with their mouths dropped at what they had heard

you looked over at leehan "lets go on a walk yeah"

he nodded with a smirk on his face

K. WOONHAK ;

woonhak was particularly sulky today, he couldn't get you and your relationship out of his mind. i mean he couldn't daily but today it was just more extreme.

to clear his mind he decided to go for a walk, as he walks he noticed a figure walking towards him on their phone. as the blurry figure got closer he realized its you

as you almost walked past him he gasped when his suspicions were confirmed. you looked up because of the rather loud gasp and realized who it was.

"yn!" he said instinctively grabbing your hand into his and in return, you grab his back. "please just 5 minutes, you don't have to take me back i just need to explain myself.

you stare at him for a second before nodding and continuing to walk. he may have let out a little 'yipee! ^-^' but he ran to catch up to you and wasted no time

-

closure

sense of peace

[iluvapplesxh]

⧽⧽ Behind The Scenes III. ⧼⧼

❀ pair: billie eilish x fem!reader

✯ summary: After bringing you to safety in her new home, Billie makes the recklessly stupid decision to go out to a small shopping trip by herself in the companies of her bodyguards, but that turns like the best and the worst decision of her life.

✰ warnings: injury, hospital, paparazzi, shooting, guns, choking, death, swearing, mentions of blood, fluff at the end, !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

✯ part I, part II

✒ a/n: apologies for the late post! I just somehow couldn't get myself to write this, but I did it! (6k+ words)

It was so agonizing. The pain all over your body. It hurt all over and your head pounded especially loud, your ears picking up on the faint sounds of a beeping of some kind, maybe some words. Was someone talking? What the fuck is happening?

You slowly and, in all honesty, annoyedly peeled open your closed eyelids, thankful to whatever God that the room in which you were in had its blinds pulled in because otherwise you probably would have gone blind to top all things. 

You blinked a couple of times, taking deep breaths and looking around before all the memories came flooding into your head like a train crashing into another. Your heart beat faster and suddenly you were wide awake, sitting up which you regretted in that moment when a sharp pain shot through your side and your hand flew to cover the main source of the pain, a low but almost silent groan mixed with a grunt leaving your lips.

The realization of how dry both your mouth and throat have been almost made you choke on your breath, and you screwed your eyes shut when a small cough rocked your body, your hand pressing harder onto your side. 

“Hey, hey, be careful” 

The sudden rush of words came from the door which you’ve located in the left corner of the room and your head swiftly turned to look at the direction of the white entrance of what you recognized could be a hospital room and your confusion, panic filled eyes met with soft blue ones. Before you could say anything, she took hurried steps towards the uncomfortable bed you were now sitting on, arms stretched out and her hands soon were holding onto you, one of them gently pulling yours away from your bandaged side.

In her other hand was a bottle of water and your heart fluttered a little before alarms of scoldings and denial rang through your head, and you focused back on her creased eyebrows then her blue seas. 

Billie breathed in softly and held up the bottle to you, which you wordlessly took and uncapped before taking big gulps which earned you a dirty look from the woman next to you, but you ignored it and took a few more big sips before screwing the cap on the plastic bottle once more. 

“Thanks” You muttered out finally and a tender smile grew on Billie’s lips before her front teeth dipped into the lower part.

“How are you feeling?” The crease between her brows returned while her head tilted to the side the slightest bit, her hand never leaving yours which made your heart rate pick up again. And the action doesn’t go unnoticed by the heart monitor next to your bed, the beeping growing speedier and your cheeks heat when you see Billie’s eyes leave yours to confusedly glance towards the device before meeting yours again.

“Uh…-” You began after the small awkward silence. “I’m okay-...I think” 

Your words weren’t calming at all, but Billie decided to just nod subtly before taking a deep breath, her hand reluctantly letting go of yours as she took a step back and folded her arms over her chest.

“The doc said they’ll do a checkup when you wake and if everything’s okay, we can go home” She stated and her eyes stuck gazing into yours, making you lose yourself in them a little, almost missing her words before your head bobbed up and down, nodding. 

There was another long moment of silence, and your head quickly filled with questions about a lot of things. How long has it been? Did they find him yet? Did she see him? Why is she here? Where is he?

“Why’re you here?” The question left your mouth quietly, like you were afraid that the question would break the peace of the moment.

Billie sighed and dropped her arms to her sides, shifting on her feet. “I mean, you were attacked in my house…” Her gaze fell from yours almost as if she was nervous or embarrassed. “And-...kind of nobody came when I called. We-...well Finneas came by yesterday. He dropped off some clothes for me and food” 

When she began rambling your eyes narrowed in confusion before a small exhalation of a choked breath left your mouth and you nodded. “Right” You muttered under your breath, your tongue running along the inside of your cheek. “Thanks. For being here” 

Billie’s eyes lifted again and softened more when she saw your expression. She took a small step forward again. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be here?” She asked, because she knew that even if she wouldn’t have been there that night, she would have raced to you the moment she heard something.

Your gazes met again and there was a knowing look in your eyes to which a small, almost inaudible scoff left Billie before her head shook and there were a few seconds of stillness. “We’ll talk about everything when this shit is over, okay?” Her words almost sounded like a promise, but you knew better than to believe your own mind right now. Maybe if we talk at least, we’d stay friends

Although you knew that proposition was just hanging on by a small tinge of hope, you wanted to believe that it was true. Because if it wasn’t, it meant you would probably have to live your life without her in it and looking into that future, it didn’t seem right.

When you nodded your head, the door of the small room opened again and the doctor which you assumed Billie was talking about walked in with a soft, kind smile on his bearded face.

“Great to see you’re awake, miss” He said with a gentle look in his eyes when he approached the two of you. “My name is Dr. Hart” He extended his right hand, and you slowly did the same, giving his gruff hand a firm shake before pulling back.

– 

After Dr. Hart successfully finished up your check up, and signed the sign out papers, you were free to go. You sat in the wheelchair, now in your normal clothes which Billie had admitted to getting for you after borrowing your apartment keys a couple days prior when you were still unconscious, she was behind the chair, pushing it in silence as your eyes darted around the unfamiliar surroundings of the hospital hallways.

Finally, when the two of you made it out and arrived at Billie’s car which she had close to the entrance of the building, you just about got out of the wheelchair when the blinding flashes and lights of cameras almost took away the light of your world as seemingly hundreds of press employees and paparazzies surrounded the black SUV and, of course, you and Billie.  

“Fucking hell” You hear Billie mutter then the warm feeling of her arms wrapping around you made your breath hitch. “Come on, get in.” Her breath tickled your ear as she leaned close to your ear, then one of her arms left your body and opened the back door of the car, gently pushing against your back. 

The now muffled screamed questions of the reporters made your head pound once more as you watched Billie quickly being ushered into the car next to you by one of her bodyguards before he also hopped into the car in the passenger seat. 

You could see through the dark tinted windows how the security guards from the hospital had begun to push against the crowd, trying to make way for the SUV to leave.

You exhaled softly and leaned back against the seat you were in, one of your shaky hands reaching up to grasp onto the strap of the belt, pulling on it before grasping the latch plate and shifting in your seat, bringing it down beside you and fastening it inside the buckle with a soft breath of a grunt and when the soft clicking sound reached your ears, you leaned back in your seat again.

“You okay?” 

Your head turned to the side, eyes locking with Billie’s. “Yeah-...” You say, a little breathlessly. “I didn’t expect…all of this” You said and your eyes left hers, instead gazing at the slowly fading crowd, meaning the security guards were succeeding.

“Hm” Billie pursed her lips as her eyes followed your line of sight. “I should have thought about this before just bringing you out. I’m sorry.” Her words made your head turn back to her again, brows knitted together.

“What?” Disbelief tinted your question, and your head tilted a little to the left. “No, you couldn’t have known-...”

“Of course, I could have. I’ve been doing this a long time” Billie swallowed harshly and buckled her own belt when she saw the bright, orange light of the streetlamp next to the Hospital’s sign by the road, meaning the way’s been cleared. 

Your teeth bit down on your tongue, feeling like there was no argument with that and you took a deep breath, hearing your heartbeat in your ears at the sudden silence in the car.

–

You didn’t really pay any attention to where the SUV was heading, instead having chosen to stare at the gray carpet by your feet. So, when the car came to a halt and your eyes finally lifted, settling on the metal gates being lit up by vehicle’s headlights, your head filled with confusion.

“Uh, where are we?” You spoke finally, turning to Billie who was sitting in silence until now.

“Oh, right.” Despite the very uncomfortable situation, a small -almost cocky- smirk grew on her face and she slid lower on her seat, hands hanging loosely between her spread legs. “My house.” 

The crease on your forehead grew and you blinked. “Uh, no…this is not your house.” You shook your head, looking ahead again as the gates opened and the car began moving again. “And also, I thought you were taking me home? To- to my house? So, you wouldn’t be in danger” Anger and worry laced your voice, and your eyes glanced back at Billie.

Billie took a sharp breath and ran her tongue along the left side of her cheek. “First of all, I never said I’d leave you alone. Not now.” She muttered; expression hard before it softened again. “And also, I bought a new-...safer house right after you were treated. For my own safety and for your own since you will be staying here until that…-” Her eyes darkened and her jaw clenched. “Asshole is behind bars.”

Your head shook in disbelief. “Billie, you don’t understand!” Your voice grew somewhat desperate and frustrated. “Being with me is not safe for you!” 

Billie swallowed hard and her tongue darted out, moistening her drying lips before she spoke. “No, you don’t understand!” She said harshly, her gaze averting from yours for a moment when the car stopped on the end of the driveway and the bodyguards got out. “I won’t ever leave you like this, okay? No matter what the fuck happened or didn’t happen-...” Her eyes softened. “I just want you to be safe…”

Your own face eased and there was a minute of stillness, just the two of you gazing into each other’s eyes. You didn’t need words to talk. You never did with her. The both of you knew each other like the back of one’s hand.

Then, a simple nod from you and she was out of the car, turning back around to hold out a hand for you to take. Your heart almost melted at the small gesture and a lump formed in your throat, gaze stuck on the extended tattooed hand before you teared it away and unbuckled your belt, sliding towards the opened door and taking the soft hand. 

Billie slowly helped you out of the car and -much to both of your dismays- her hand left yours, pushing the opened door closed. Then she stood next to you and the two of you began walking towards the front doors.

When you reached them, Billie pushed them open with a soft grunt. Then she turned to the side, her eyes looking into yours before darting to the inside of the house then they met yours again. You took the signal and stepped forward, the unfamiliar warmth of the new place engulfing your body.

You heard the doors shut behind you before Billie was standing next to you again. “So, there are 2 guest bedrooms.” She paused, biting down on the flesh of her bottom lip. “I think…”

A small smile spread on your lips at her unsure knowledge about her new home and your eyes took in the sight of her side profile, tracing the sharp contour of her jawline before darting to her nose then her cheek and then your staring and Billie’s thinking was broken by a deep but not unkind voice from behind the both of you in the hallway.

“Hey, guys!” 

The both of you turned around, Billie’s face lighting up into a grin while yours turned into one of slight confusion when your eyes laid on Finneas walking towards the two of you, a gray button up hanging on his upper body and a checkered pair of pants clinging to his waistline. 

“I’m surprised you made it out of there.” He spoke again when he reached the both of you. And due to the puzzled looks from you and Billie, he elaborated; “It was all over the news.” 

A small ‘oh’ fell form Billie’s lips next to you while you only nodded, suddenly feeling very awkward in Finneas’ presence considering the two of you haven't spoken or seen each other since that day after the breakup at the airport. 

The thought made your throat tighten up and you cleared it, sadly gaining Finneas’ attention. He looked back at his sister for a moment who shook her head and Finneas sighed softly before shooting you a small smile.

“Is Claudia here, too?” Billie asked, glancing down the lit-up hallway.

“Yeah, in one of the guest rooms” Finneas replied, nodding his head. “Mom and dad will be here soon, too.” He continued.

Billie nodded and your brows furrowed, finally daring to speak up. “Uh, no offense, but why?” 

Both of the siblings turned to you, and it was Billie who answered your question after a small second of silence. “I just figured it would be best. I mean, the guy figured out where I lived. I couldn’t take any chances” 

You noticed how she tried to play her worry for her family off, but you saw right through it and the smile returned to your face, nodding. “Alright” 

–

After the small conversation by the entrance of this much bigger house compared to what Billie had previously, you were led to one of the other guest rooms -which you learned there were three of- and were very reluctantly left alone by Billie in it.

It was when you were finally alone that the worrisome thoughts came back into your mind. The uneasiness in your chest made you sit down on the twin bed in the middle of the room, and you could have sworn your side started to hurt more at the thoughts -or maybe the painkillers were just wearing off-.  

You knew that you really shouldn’t be as worried as before, this house was big and safe. He didn’t even know it existed. But then again, he did somehow find out where Billie lived previously, and that you were there. 

The images of what had happened flashed quickly before your eyes and your breath caught in your throat before you swallowed thickly and got up, deciding to take a hot shower.

After getting the towel which was folded on the bed and some of the clothes also laid out on it -no doubt Billie’s which made your heart race for a different reason than fear-, you walked into the bathroom attached to the room and rid yourself of the clothes Billie brought for you to the hospital. When your gaze found its way on the mirror above the sink, your eyes burned holes into your bandaged side and a sigh escaped your mouth at the tingling pain you felt with every twist of your torso.

After successfully and painfully tearing off the bandages as gently as you could, you didn’t dare give a second glance at the wound on your side, you just stepped into the shower and began washing your body.

When you were done, you got out, dried yourself up and put on the underwear and shorts you were given. Then you walked out of the bathroom with the T-shirt in one of your hands, the small medical kit which was placed on the counter next to the sink in the other. 

You tossed the T-shirt on the bed and stood next to it, opening up the box of medical supplies and taking out the needed things. Then you sat down on the plush mattress and one of your arms circled under your bare breasts, pulling them out of view of your wound and you groaned softly when your body twisted to the side, the skin around the gash stinging sharply. 

Your free hand held the soft cloth with the disinfectant on it above it, hesitantly bringing it down with a deep breath. The sting was not as bad as your head had previously told you it was going to be, and you exhaled loudly, pressing the cloth firmer against your side before pulling it back then pressing it there again.

The peaceful silence of the guest room was broken by a knocking on the door and your body tensed, causing your grip on the cloth to tighten and press hard against your side. A hiss left your mouth and your eyes screwed shut.

“It’s Billie.” A soft, seemingly angelic voice called from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

Your body relaxed at the sound and your eyes opened, taking in her words. You looked down at your half-naked body, the cloth now hovering over your wound and your thinking stopped for a moment. Was it clear that you couldn’t do this alone? Absolutely. Were you going to let Billie of all people help you with it? Absolutely not. 

 You weren’t ready for her to see you like this, so vulnerable and…wounded. Looking like a kicked puppy. It was humiliating. 

Well, as it turned out you were pondering for too long, and Billie grew quite worried by your silence. She quickly pushed the door open and when her eyes found your figure sitting on the bed with your back turned to her, her breathing calmed just for a moment before her eyes took you in and it hitched.

Your head whipped around quickly, and your heart jumped into your throat at the look on her face and you turned back just as fast. 

Billie’s eyes left your form and fell onto the bed you’re sitting on, looking over the medical supplies and her mind filled with worry rather than the acknowledgment of your state and she walked closer to you.

“Can I…-” She spoke softly, her eyes strained onto the wound on your side. “Can I help?” 

Heat bloomed in your chest and your arm tightened around your body as you looked up at her before sighing softly and nodding. Your hand which was hovering over your side extended and Billie slowly took the wet disinfectant drenched cloth and took a seat on your right.

The somewhat awkward tension in the room was palpable and it sent a hot shiver down your spine, or maybe it was the fact that Billie was leaning close to you, her hand dapping the cloth against your side while you felt her breath on your skin, that caused it.

A minute later, one of her hands rested against your hip bone, probably accidentally since you didn't notice any change in her focused expression, and the other was mindfully wrapping the bandage around your torso.

You could feel the heat in the air grow by the seconds that Billie was spending focused on taking care of you. Just like she had done so many times before and then after you would smile and kiss her as a ‘thank you’ before the two of you cuddled up in each other’s embraces on her bed or the couch. But not this time, no, when she straightened up with one last touch on your bandaged side, a respectful distance was created between you two again while she packed up the supplies and you wordlessly pulled the T-shirt over your head, letting it hang loosely on your body. 

Billie soon shifted further away from you on the bed to put the box on the bedside table and your teeth nibbled on the flesh of the inside of your cheek, your feelings all over the place.

You swallowed hard and took a deep breath, deciding to be the first to speak up. “Thanks” The words were muttered and quiet, but Billie caught them, and she turned back to you, pressing her lips into a thin line as she nodded.

“You’re welcome”

You looked away from her and a long exhale left you. You placed your hands on your knees. “Why-...uh why did you come?” 

Billie was silent for a moment, trying to read your body language before she folded her arms. “I was just going to check on you.” She said simply. “Oh, and also my mum made some dinner, if you’re hungry” 

You took in her words, and nausea swirled in your gut at the mention of eating right now. You felt like you had no appetite whatsoever. Your head was still far in the gutter of what had happened. 

Back at the hospital you had caught a glimpse of a television in one of the rooms, the news was on, and it was flooded with your name, some even mentioning Billie’s.

“I’m not.” You said lastly, not looking at her and instead carrying on staring at the pulled in curtains.

Billie smacked her lips, her jaw clenching as her eyes didn’t leave you until she stood up. “Alright.” She said with a sigh. “We’ll be downstairs for a little while longer, if you need anything.” 

When she saw you nod your head, she took a couple steps towards the door, her hand pulling it open by the handle and she cast one last lingering worried glance towards you before she stepped out and the door shut behind her.

-

It was a couple hours later, which was around 9PM, that you emerged from the guest room. You hesitantly took the large flight of stairs downstairs, following the sound of voices to the living room of the house. 

When you arrived at the entrance, your eyes scanned over the room. You saw Finneas and Claudia sitting close to each other in the loveseat while Maggie and Patrick were sitting on the sofa, all having a seemingly pleasant conversation. But your heart beat faster when you looked around the whole room and you didn’t find the comforting presence of the one person who you felt like actually wanted you here.

And unfortunately, when you turned back around to make your way back upstairs, Maggie’s voice stopped you with a call of your name and your breath hitched. Your jaw clenched and you turned back towards them, seeing all of their eyes on you, Maggie had a soft expression on her face, Patrick was looking at you with a kind smile and both Finneas and Claudia were looking at you a little skeptical but not unkindly.

“Would you like to sit with us, sweetie?” Maggie spoke up again and your eyes locked with hers. 

“Oh-...uh, no thanks, Ms. Braid.” You spoke quietly and pressed your hands together behind your back.

Maggie smiled at you softly and nodded. There was a pause in the air before she parted her lips to speak again. “Billie went out for some stuff for you” 

Her words made you freeze, and you felt dizzy all of a sudden. “Alone?” Your voice trembled slightly.

Patrick butted in; “Don’t worry, hon, bodyguards are with her. “ The smile never left his face, but it did little to ease the thumping against your sternum. 

“Yeah, but-...” You took a ragged breath and placed a palm against your chest. Maggie, taking sign of your panic, swiftly stood up and walked over to you, wrapping her arms around you.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. She’ll be okay” Her hands rubbed your arms comfortingly. “There was nothing to argue about when she said she wanted to go out for more supplies.”

You shook your head. This was your fault again. 

–

Meanwhile, Billie sat in the same SUV which took the two of you home a couple hours before. Two of her best bodyguards sat in the front seats and one next to her in the backseat. She had a plastic bag of supplies in her lap, both hands placed on top of it as her eyes followed along the road through the tinted window.

A minute later, the car came to a stop by a gas station and Billie’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. She looked at the man next to her and he offered a small smile. 

“We stopped for gas, Ms. O’Connell”

Billie breathed out a puff of air, the small knot which began forming in her gut previously untying as she nodded. “I’m going to use the restroom” She told him, unbuckling her belt and placing the plastic bag down on the car’s floor.

“Would you like me to come with you, Ms.?” The bodyguard asked, slight worry in his tone and Billie smiled at him before she shook her head.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be quick” 

With that, she stepped out of the car and shut the door after her. She rounded the SUV and sent a small wave at the other two guards outside it, one of them filling the car with gas while the other stood watch. She walked into the dimly lit station and looked around in slight confusion at the lack of the cashier by the counter before shrugging and striding across the small store. She walked to the back door which led to the restroom and pushed it open, making way to the women’s bathroom.

When she was inside, she looked around. Silence was all that greeted her, and she took in a deep breath before walking into an empty stall and locking it.

When she sat down on the toilet seat, she exhaled loudly and relaxed a little. But her body tensed once more when the entrance door of the bathroom opened again, and footsteps followed the sound soon after. Loud thuds of boots against the marble floors and soon the door slammed shut, making Billie flinch a little. She held her breath as the person took slow steps in front of the stalls and her heartbeat in her ears when she saw the shadow of the boots stop right before the door of the stall she was in. Then the person turned and walked into the stall next to hers and Billie let out the breath she was holding.

Billie stood up, flushed and hastily tugged up the baggy jeans she was wearing, making quick work of buckling her belt before she unlocked the stall and stepped out. She took anxious glances around the premise before stepping towards the sinks and opening one of the taps. She held hands out and wetted them under the stream of water before one of them reached up to the dispenser of the liquid soap. She held her wet palm under the soap pump and her thumb moved to press down on it. After a couple of tries an annoyed huff left her lips when nothing came from the dispenser, and she muttered under her breath.

“Of course,”

Her frustrated muttering froze when the stall door next to the one she was in opened and the sounds of boots nearing made her pulse quicken.

Her movements froze as well, and she just stood there while the person took place next to her. 

“Hm, crappy bathrooms in this city, huh?” 

The voice made her throat tighten in fear. It was a gruff, deep male voice. In the women’s restroom. And she swallowed hard before nodding her head. When she heard a derisive chuckle from the man, she shakily stopped the running water and looked up. The man had dark hair, a messy, thick beard, and a mustache. He was wearing a brown jacket and a white shirt, and he had a few wrinkles around his eyes and forehead. The man appeared to be in his 30s or 40s. 

“Uh, sir, this is the women’s restroom” Billie finally spoke up, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice as the man basically towered over her. 

“Oh, I know” The man said, his voice having a slight edge to it. Then a smirk appeared on his face, and he ran a hand down his beard. “I think you know who I am” He said lowly and Billie’s expression hardened, taking a step back.

“Oh? Are you scared now?” Another dark chuckle came from his mouth as he took a step toward Billie. 

“What the fuck do you want from me, dude?” She asked, her voice laced with anger and her teeth grit together.

The man’s smirk spread into a grin; his eyes dark. “I don’t like how close you are to what’s mine…” He began and tilted his head to the side, his grin falling. “And since plan A didn’t go as planned…” Billie continued to glare at the man. “Time for plan B” When the words left his mouth, he pushed forward and threw Billie against the dirtied wall of the restroom.

Air was knocked out of her lungs as her back collided with the wall and the man stepped close to her. Just as she was about to gather her breath, a large rough hand wrapped tightly around her throat and her own hands frantically came up to wrap around his wrist.

She struggled against his grip, pushing with all her strength when she suddenly froze to the sound of a loud click and something cool against the side of her head. Billie’s eyes widened and she looked at the man in panic, her lungs desperately searching for air while her heart thumped loudly against her ribcage.

Her sight became blurry, and she could see the man’s mouth moving but she couldn’t hear anything, blood rushing in her ears. When she felt the gun press against the side of her head harder a cry left her lips and she screwed her eyes shut.

She heard the man’s distorted chuckle one last time before a loud bang echoing through the restroom cut it off. Her ears began ringing loudly and then suddenly the pressure of the big hand around her throat flattered and her eyes opened. She looked down and saw the man on the ground, blood pooling underneath him as he coughed.

She felt dizzy and her throat hurt as she looked to the side and saw one of her bodyguards standing by the door, gun gripped tightly in his hands, his own gaze stuck on the man on the floor who was now chuckling quietly, the blood gathering in his throat making them sound choked.

Billie stayed pressed against the wall until the bodyguard came over and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, turning her away as they walked out of the restroom, leading her out of the gas station store to see the blinding lights of police cars paint the whole station red and blue, and somehow there were even some press around with cameras on their shoulders and microphones in hands, screaming while being held back by police.

Some of the officers rushed past them into the store while Billie was led to an ambulance.

– 

Panic was all over your body as your body stood frozen in the middle of the living room. All of your gazes were on the television in front of you and tears sprung to your eyes at the headline;

‘Popstar, Billie Eilish, attacked by her ex-girlfriend’s stalker at local gas station’

Your body moved on its own, mind hazy as you quickly rushed out of the room and to the front doors, trembling hands reaching into the bowl of car keys on the dresser next to them. You didn’t give a fuck about what car it was you took the keys for, you just took one and ran out the doors, pushing the button on the remote key, your head turning all around the place hastily when a pair of headlights on a random car in the driveway lit up and you quickly made your way over to it.

You all but ripped the door open and jumped into the driver’s seat, starting the engine and driving to the already open gates as fast as you can and speeding down the streets.

You didn’t even know which gas station it happened at. You just hoped that you were right about driving towards the closest one to Billie’s house. Your mind was a mess as you repeatedly blinked back your tears. Your chest hurt and you felt sick to your stomach the whole drive.

When you finally saw the red and blue lights flashing near you, you drove even faster and stopped just as fast behind a police car, the abrupt stop making your body jolt forward but you didn't care, you just pushed the door open quickly and jumped out of the car. You didn’t even bother shutting the door, you just ran through the crowd of reporters and such, pushing through them without a fucking care if they fell over ot not. 

When you reached the edge of the crowd, a police officer stood in front of you but you just pushed against his chest, making hims tumble back as you ran to the site, hearing some shouts and callings for you but you didn’t stop until your eyes finally found her, sitting on the back on the ambulance with an unreadable expression on her face as the paramedic explained something to her.

You raced towards her and when you were finally in front of her, she looked up and your gazes met. Her eyes were red and fearful as they looked into yours and your heart shattered into a million different pieces at the sight. Your chest now hurt for two different reasons and you felt slightly dizzy but that didn’t stop you from dropping to your knees. Billie caught your arms, making you fall into her. 

Your arms wrapped around her, clinging to her desperately as your tears finally fell. Her hold on you tightened and she shifted in her seat, brushing off the small blanket which was around her back and pulling you into her. Her own eyes burned with tears but she shut them as she pressed her cheek against the top of your head.

“It’s okay. I’m okay” Billie whispered softly while sobs rocked your body. “He’s gone. He’s gone” Her reassuring words made you cry harder, relief flooding your entire body.

The two of you held each other for a little longer before you stood again, and she followed you. Her hands lifted to cup your cheeks, her thumbs wiping the tears on your skin.

Then her hands fell and your own lifted, one of them placed on her right shoulder and the index finger of the other tremblingly hovering over the red mark around her throat. Billie took a deep breath and gasped your hand, bringing up to her lips and pressing it against them. 

Your eyes met again and she pulled your hand away, letting it fall on her other shoulder before she leaned in. Not leaving room for overthinking, or any thoughts or words at all. She didn’t care right now. It was over.

When you felt her soft lips press against your trembling ones you breathed in sharply through your nose, body tensing up. But then her hands held onto your waist and you relaxed, kissing her back. 

The kiss was filled with emotion, longing and hundreds of apologies. Your chest filled with warmth and your arms wrapped loosely around her neck, tugging her closer.

It felt right. It felt like nothing ever happened or maybe even if it did this one kiss sealed the happy ending of it. You felt at home again. In her arms. And she felt the same. She felt safe and calm, finally having you in her arms again. And there was no fucking way she’ll let you go ever again.

✒ a/n: I so, so hate how this turned out btw. but am I gonna post it anyway? fuck yeah! the endings are always so shit i'm gonna kms.

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➣ tags: @be3flow3r

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field IX

summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.6k

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there

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a/n: here we are!! 'season' two!! thanks so much for reading it and I'm SO so glad lots of people seem to love it :) if you do, please reblog it or leave your thoughts in the replies or in my inbox! i love hearing from you and talking about it so don't be a stranger !

without further adieu,, enter buzzcut coryo <3

next part

Coriolanus's stomach twisted as he could hear your screams from the hall, even though by then he was all the way on the other side of the school. He thought that was unsettling, only for them to abruptly stop just before he left. The silence that followed was so much worse. He didn't get any sleep, sitting on the roof in Grandma'ams rose garden with Tigris all night, wondering if you were dead.

He was just sick about it, even as he left the following morning, so early that the sun was yet to rise. It was a long, painful ride, and he spent the entire thing certain that you were dead. It was his fault, he had only wanted you to come with him, so he wouldn't be alone, but now he truly is alone and he won't even have you to write to back home. Regardless, he would try.

Rather than sit with the idea that it might even be pointless for him to live another day, especially with this unflattering haircut and a uniform that challenged the discomfort of the academy one, he decided to write to you on a paper he had found bunched between the train seats to ease his mind.

Y/N/N,

I hope you're reading this. I hope this gets back to you at home and finds you safe and sound, and you're sitting over your desk with a textbook open getting ready for university in the fall. That's not what's happening though, is it? You're probably dead. I probably killed you. If you are reading this in your room, or your library, or over my shoulder as I write this because you are only alive in what's left of your spirit, I hope you know that I am sorry. I did it because I wanted you with me, because in the moment I was so sure you'd be better off with me in the districts than you would be at home with your father. I think I was wrong. But I still miss you. You meant more to me than I ever told you. I guess, more than I ever told myself either until these last few weeks.

I think I heard them kill you after I left you with the Dean. If they did, boy, did you go out fighting. I always knew you would. I can't stop writing in case I never get to speak to you again. But again, maybe you're not dead, right?

Please tell me you're not dead.

Yours,

Always yours, your Coryo

He smoothes out the wrinkled sheet as he writes, hand shaking through most of it. He doesn't know if he should even bother sending it, or if he should just fold it up and throw it out the window in hopes that the message will find its way to your ghost. No, he has to send it. Otherwise he'll definitely never know, at least not for twenty years, and he couldn't bear that.

The wind hits the trees into the windows of the train as it rolls along the tracks, demanding that the branches be heard against the glass. It reminds him of you. Then again, what doesn't these days? Maybe it was just you letting him know you had read his letter, and that you forgive him. That would give him a semblance of peace for the rest of the ride.

When you woke up, it was impossible to tell what time it was. You only knew that it was dark, and your bedroom door was locked from the outside when you got up and carefully tried to open it only to be blocked by the mechanism.

"I have half the mind to agree with you on the Avox thing." You hear your dad sigh, his voice echoing from his study just down the hall. Your eyes widen and you try the knob again. Yep, still locked. "But we could always send her to Nine or Ten as a nurse. She's not staying here, that's certain."

"I don't want to push your decision, here, but she was saying she would tell everyone. She knows more than we thought, more details." Highbottom was here too, great.

"No, that's impossible. What did she say?"

"She knows we're selling, likely that you're storing it all here somewhere, and she knows it's enough to be treason. I don't know what else she knows, but it's risky business ever letting her out of that room again. The procedure might be our best option, here." You've heard enough, quickly making for your window instead. It's locked as well, but draping your old uniform over the lever gives you enough freedom to crush it with a particularly heavy, hardcover textbook without making much noise.

You change quickly, grabbing a few essentials that you could fit into your book bag, then climb out the window and slide down the back porch column before making as quiet of an escape as possible. Adrenaline carried you a few blocks away, but now, you were unsure what to do. You couldn't return, and you couldn't be seen, and you had a tragic shortage of friends at the moment. You find your feet carrying you toward the building you know Coriolanus lives in.

You're not particularly excited to see him, but with no other options, you're sure you can find it in yourself to be forgiving just this once. You could go to Sejanus's family home, but it's not far enough away, and you're not sure what his father would say. He'd probably call your dad in a second and it would all be for naught- you couldn't risk it. So, Coryo's it was.

You enter the building, walking straight for the elevator. He was in the penthouse, so you just have to hit the very top button and figure it out from there. You've never been to his home before, but he's talked about it plenty. Enough that you could find your way there, at least.

You groan when you quickly realize the elevator doesn't work, looking over at the stairs. It's a tall building, so you've got a long way to go. You wonder how he does this every day as you climb up set after set of stairs, taking note of how the walls are basically crumbling around you.

You knew he didn't have money, that he couldn't eat, but you didn't think he lived like this. No wonder he was so thin, and no wonder he still had any muscle left on his body. It was these damn stairs. That couldn't be it though, that wouldn't explain how his shoulders just seemed to go on for miles- maybe he had some kind of workout routine you never knew about.

You're drawn from your thoughts when you reach the top of the last staircase, hesitating to open the industrial looking door in front of you. Just beyond that was the front door to the Snow penthouse, and now that you're here, you're not sure what to do. Do you knock? You don't even know what time it is.

You sit by the door, deciding to think it over for a bit. It doesn't take you long to fall asleep leaning up against the wall where it meets the dusty floor.

Waking up, you're met with a gasp. "Y/N?" You blink open your eyes, seeing Tigris crouched in front of you, forehead creased with worry. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"Tigris, hello." You mumble, gathering yourself to stand up as she helps you. "I, uh, I didn't know where to go, so..."

"Okay, okay. Come in for a second." She nods, holding your shoulder as she guides you back into the apartment. You squint at the sunrise through the large bay windows, she must have been on her way to work. "Can I get you anything? Some tea? You must be freezing..." She says, immediately shuffling into the kitchen.

"No, no. It's fine. Thank you, though." You insist, trying not to stare at the state the apartment has fallen into.

"Okay, well, please, take a seat. Tell me what's going on."

You nod slightly and move to sit down at their dining table where she joins you, reaching out for your hand which you gratefully take. "Did Coriolanus leave already?" You ask and she nods, giving you a sad smile.

"I must admit, I'm relieved to see you." She says, taking you by surprise. "Coryo thought you were dead. He was just so torn up about it, he said it was his fault but he wouldn't tell me why. I was expecting to see your passing in the papers this morning."

"Well, my days are numbered." You sigh, looking out the window again. The view was stunning. Maybe you would prefer a penthouse to your own large, empty feeling home. "My father and Dean Highbottom were discussing turning me into an Avox as a pity punishment, and I don't doubt that my father would rather bury me than have that on his name. I didn't stick around to hear their decision."

Tigris listens intently, squeezing your cold hands between her own. "And now, I don't know what to do. I had nowhere to go, I'm so sorry to intrude-"

"No, my goodness, please. You are always welcome here." She assured you. "But... what will you do?"

"I have to leave." You nod to yourself. "I have to leave and I can't come back, can I?"

"One day I'm sure it will be safe for you to return." She says, notably trying to put a positive spin on it. "I'll tell you what-" She stands quickly, going over to a hall closet and pulling out a large fur coat. "Take this, it can hide you and keep you warm. Take the next train to Twelve, that's where Coryo went." She places the coat in your lap. "He'll be ecstatic to have you and see that you're well."

You nod, standing up and pulling it on in a hurry. It was a beautiful coat, you could tell it was real fur. This must have belonged to one of their mothers. "Thank you, Tigris."

"There's another train headed there in about twenty minutes, if you rush you can make it. I had to check the schedule last night for him. Don't buy a ticket, just climb in a transport car from the opposite side, not the platform." She instructs you hurriedly,

You dig in your bag as you both head for the door, pulling out a handful of money and rifling through it to give some to her. You'll need some, but she will too.

"Here, Tigris. Take this." You say as she holds the door for you, and she instantly is shaking her head.

"No, no. I couldn't." She smiles awkwardly, waving a hand at you. "You'll need it more than I do, Coryo will be sending us cheques."

You smile at her understandingly, holding it out to her again. "If not for your help, then for this lovely jacket. Please take it. I insist."

Tigris sighs, taking it from your hand before pulling you into a hug which you gladly return. "Tell him we love him, okay?"

"He knows," You say, chin resting on her shoulder. "But I will."

It was dark again when your train reached its final stop, and you were curled up under the coat trying to sleep. You scramble to get up, having to bolt from the train before anyone came to unload the car.

Unfortunately, you didn't get the privilege of having a place to stay when you arrived, so once you're out of sight of the train, the best you can do is wander.

You don't have to wander long before you hear music. You didn't realize people were happy here, so the sounds of laughter and shouting and dancing coming from inside what looked to be an abandoned building made you tilt your head at the idea. Maybe you would just sit outside, around the side of the building where you won't be seen and you can listen.

You don't even get the chance to sit before you hear the singing start. It's Lucy Gray. You mentally scold yourself for not thinking of her sooner as you stand again quickly, finding yourself quite lightheaded. You must be hungry. Maybe there will be some food inside, or maybe you can find talk to Lucy Gray and maybe she'll let you stay with her. Just until you get yourself situated here.

Clutching your new coat tightly around yourself you walk in after attempting to dust off and salvage your clothes. Your favourite skirt and shoes took quite a beating throughout the day, and you're disappointed, to say the least. Hopefully Lucy Gray has a washing machine, but you doubt it. Did these people even know what a washing machine is? By the look of everyone in the room, the answer was a definite no.

Sure enough, Lucy Gray was on stage, singing her heart out. You had never seen her smile so wide, of course, and the kids surrounding her onstage were just as talented as she was at all their instruments. You've never seen live music like this before, only classical or opera where everyone sat quietly and listened until the end. This environment was entirely new to you.

Not wanting to interrupt, you wait until Lucy Gray steps offstage and her spot is replaced with a little blonde girl who couldn't have been older than ten.

"Give it up for the amazing Lucy Gray Baird!" The girl shouts into the mic, gesturing to your friend before more music started to play. "She'll be back, she's just taking a little break, but until then, you lot are stuck listenin' to me."

This is your chance. You push through the crowd and step into the hall you saw Lucy Gray go down. "Lucy Gray?" You call out hopefully, watching your step as to not roll a heel. In hindsight, these shoes were not ideal for the journey you took, but your options were limited by a time crunch.

"Lucy Gray?" You ask again, turning a corner and peeling into a large open room. It's a few moments before your eyes land on her, and she turns to face you having heard you walk in.

"Oh my days, I thought I recognized that voice!" She smiles, opening her arms and running up to you. "Y/N, my word, what are you doin' here?" Her excitement fades quickly into concern as she drops her arms from around you.

"Long story..." You chuckle nervously, pulling at your coat again as she nods for you to continue. "We got caught, for the compact. And the snakes, somehow. Coriolanus put our handkerchiefs that you used in the tank so they wouldn't attack you, I guess. I didn't know. Then they pulled us out of class the next day, he told them it was me, so then I put up a fight and they sedated me. When I woke up I was at home and they were talking about having my tongue cut out and turning me into one of those servants but I'm sure my dad would rather have me dead. So," You sigh, trying to summarize it as quickly as possible. "I ran."

Lucy Gray shook her head, mouth agape in shock at all the information she just took in. "Okay, wait... So they were going to kill you?"

You nod.

"But that teacher of yours seemed so nice."

"Sorry?"

"Yeah, he gave me some money and escorted me into the train himself."

You scoff, shaking your head. "He's never liked either of us, but that's only because I have dirt on him. I don't know what Coryo did."

"Well," Lucy Gray sighs, rubbing your shoulders gently. "I'm glad you're here. That you're safe."

"You too." You smile. "Can I just say, too, we were so proud of you. We were so lucky to be your mentors."

"I count myself the lucky one." She grins. "Let's move on, shall we? On the up and up."

"Yes, sounds lovely." You grin at her.

"Can I get you some water? Liquor? What do you need?" She asks, turning at that and going over to a bench in the middle that had a few water bottles.

"I would love some water." You breathe out, joining her and sitting down as she hands one to you.

"Lucy Gray, could I ask you for a really big favour?" You say after taking your first sip.

"Please." She nods.

"Can I stay with you?"

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[im-this-kind-of-girl]

Aziraphale and Crowley's unhinged character analyzis (pt1)

Controversial opinion:

Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of Season2 managed to accomplish the main goal they each had since the beginning of time. Only to realize that what they wanted no longer made them happy.

It sounds crazy, but to explain myself I have to do an in-depth analysis of their personalities and the possible transformation arc that both characters are probably going to have at the end of the Good Omens story.

Disclaimer: I have no idea about what is going to happen in Good Omens. This analysis could clearly be considered a theory since I'm not Neil Gaiman, but as someone who knows about narrative and character structure, I'm going to elaborate. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry in advance.

Aziraphale

First let's talk about Aziraphale. For two reasons, firstly because he is the one who seems to deserve the most defense right now; and second because Aziraphale, in my opinion, is the main character of Good Omens. This is because Aziraphale, out of the two, is the one who is likely to have the biggest change in his personality once his arc ends.

In a story, especially one like Good Omens with many characters, it is common for there to be many arcs, as every character has something to learn. Crowley, as a co-protagonist and love interest, is clearly going to have a change at the end of the plot, but his change won't be as big as our angel's.

First things first, what is a transformation arc?

It is the transformation that a character undergoes from the beginning to the end of the story. Basically, at the beginning of a story, a character is in a certain state of equilibrium, he lives and thinks in a certain way until he is exposed to a situation that forces him to act outside of his comfort zone. During this, he will undergo different changes that will be reflected in actions that take him away from his natural state until the climax, where the character will make a decision that will change his normality forever. This is important. In every story, the climax marks a before and after in the protagonist's life: whatever he decides at this moment has no turning back and will mark his life forever, so that after the climax, the character may again have a state of equilibrium but different from the initial one.

What is the climax of Good Omens? Well, in the 1st season we have the bodie swap and in the second season the separation of Crowley and Aziraphale. But of the story itself? It's still a mystery.

Neil Gaiman has already confirmed that Good Omens is a three-act story, so its climax will be located at the end of season 3. We still don't know what definitive change there will be in our characters… although throughout the series we have enough clues to at least know what they probably have to work on changing.

Aziraphale's Role

In order to analyze Aziraphale we must begin by understanding his role within the angelic hierarchy. Aziraphale was created as a Cherub and then, after Eden, became a Principality. Both ranks have one thing in common: they are guardian roles.

Cherubs are second in the highest circle of heaven, below Seraphims. They are described as "guardians of the universe from a divine plane and without direct contact with humans, although they positively influence them". On the other hand, Principalities are seventh within the last circle of the angelic hierarchy, and the highest rank within it. They are the guardians of nations and countries, overseeing global events within politics and commerce.

So, Aziraphale was created with the main purpose of being only one thing: a soldier. His function is to obey and protect objects, places and beings. That is why he was the angel who received the sword of fire, his task was to protect Eden. But he also has a very strong sense of intrinsic goodness that has led him to make erratic decisions throughout history that question just how much he is willing to obey orders.

If Aziraphale feels that something is wrong, he won't do it. It doesn't matter if he has to go against Heaven or sin. It doesn't matter if killing a child saves the rest of the world, he won't do it. It doesn't matter if God will grant Job new children, he can't stand idly by. These actions make him stand out from the rest. A simple soldier just obeys while Aziraphale has a critical mind, he has too strong of an opinion about right and wrong. If an event happens that he considers evil, Aziraphale will go to great lengths to prevent it.

It is remarkable that the first thing he did having free will was to give his sword to Adam and Eve. Of course he did it with the function of protecting them but, by giving them his only weapon, Aziraphale was left in a serious state of vulnerability. He did it because he is good and kind, but it could also be considered an act of sacrifice. Here enters another important issue when talking about Aziraphale that relates to religion itself.

The Martyr Hero

One of the most basic conceptions about the Christianity is that without sacrifice a person cannot really be good. Jesus was crucified to free us from our sins; Job sacrificed his whole life to prove that his faith was genuine. Even centuries later, the ecclesiastical institution maintains that the more you suffer, the poorer you are, the more chances you have of ending up in Heaven.

All the sacrifices made in life will eventually be rewarded in the Kingdom of God. It is the eternal figure of the martyr that is worshipped in Church, the idea that to really love, to really do good, sacrifices must be made.

Aziraphale believes this blindly. Now, he is an angel, not a human. He will not have an eventual reward of any kind, and that does not matter to him, because he considers himself lucky to be able to be a being of light who brings happiness to others no matter the price he has to pay. He was willing to fall only to save the lives of Job's children just because it was the right thing to do.

Performing actions for your own happiness without thinking of the consequences is frowned upon throughout the Bible. It is considered selfish and is a great source of guilt for all its faithful.

There is a line from the Good Omens Musical that has always stayed with me. When they argue, Crowley tries to talk some sense into Aziraphale by claiming all the reasons why he should help him avoid Armageddon, to which Aziraphale replies "you and I are not important."

Why didn't Aziraphale quickly give in to the proposal to stop the end of the world? Why didn't he tell Crowley where the Antichrist was without hesitation? Why did he help Gabriel in spite of everything? Why didn't he kiss Crowley back although he wanted to?

Truth be told, Aziraphale does not prioritize his own happiness because he does not consider himself important.

At the center of it all is God, good and ineffable who would never let anything happen unless it is not amenable to the greater good, then there is all the rest. Aziraphale believes he is just a soldier with a mission: to protect the Earth and everything he considers worth saving. He is not on this list: his welfare does not matter to him because, in the grand order of things, Aziraphale does not believe he is important.

There is no afterlife reward for him, though that doesn't stop him from feeling guilty about wanting it.

Aziraphale's dilemma

Aziraphale's great dilemma ould be summed up as:

Do I do what I want or do I do what I must?

Should he obey the rules or get what his heart yearns for now that it is within his grasp?

Throughout Good Omens, we learn Aziraphale has given into various temptations such as food. But these sins are small in comparison to what he really wants. For how does he explain to God that what his heart desires the most is to be able to love the Serpent of Eden?

He is madly in love with Crowley. He could lose everything: his bookstore, restaurants, music, art, but the feelings he has for him will never go away. It were years of repression, believing that if he loved him in silence, everything would be okay.

Now, in the season finale, Crowley expresses it, confesses and kisses him, offering him what he has always secretly wanted on a silver platter.

But Aziraphale was also offered a place in Heaven, finally being accepted by the family he misses. Aziraphale spent the entire 2nd season getting involved in trying to save Gabriel, in bringing Maggie and Nina together, getting perhaps a little too invested because he clearly missed having a purpose.

He was not well emotionally. He missed feeling that he does good because, despite everything, he believes in the potential that Heaven has. Aziraphale knows that if he is in charge, if he gives up everything that makes him happy, if he stops being selfish as he was all these years, he can make the necessary change to prevent the End of the World.

Aziraphale is a soldier whose main goal has always been to protect. Becoming the supreme Archangel he is able to protect everyone he loves. Because of this, he decides to sacrifice his earthly happiness and make the most difficult decision but the one he feels is right: to leave Earth, reject Crowley and become Head of Heaven.

The end of his arc and Crowley

Like any arc, Aziraphale's is clearly at the end of the story. He's already changed a lot, and he's done mostly so because of Crowley. Not just because of love, no, Crowley manages to awake something in him. Crowley is the driving force that encourages change in him, that reaffirms or questions his beliefs whenever he is in doubt about whether something is right or wrong. He inspires something that Aziraphale, an obedient soldier of the Lord never had: freedom.

Obviously, our angel always had that spark of freedom, though repressed, hidden in the darkest part of his being because he knows it is something that makes him different from the rest and he doesn't like to admit that he doesn't fit in Heaven.

Because this means that he doesn't fit in Hell either, nor on Earth completely. Ergo, admitting to being different means confirming his suspicion that he doesn't fit in anywhere. But he never had to pretend this with Crowley.

Knowing all this, how will Aziraphale's arc end?

Well, he's going to have to choose between heart and duty again. Aziraphale is going to want to save Earth at the Second Coming, that's obvious. He is going to be forced to disobey Heaven once again as he realizes that he cannot change them. In this way, he will confirm something tragic: his sacrifice was in vain.

But it is necessary that he can assume this in order to understand that he is wrong:

It is not necessary to suffer in order to deserve love.

It is not necessary to sacrifice everything that makes you happy to prove you are good.

Eternal sacrifice is not the solution. Aziraphale has to learn that being happy and being loved is not a reward that has to be given, no, it is something he is worthy of without the need to sacrifice his life. Aziraphale must understand that he does not have to prove that he is a good person by martyrdom. He is a good person because he is empathetic, smart and sweet.

The secret is to find the balance between love and duty, between good and evil, to embrace his freedom and find happiness by accepting his mistakes that make him different from the rest. The easiest way is to learn to love in the most genuine way: the human way. Discovering that love does not necessarily have to be painful or repressed, that he can do it openly, that what he feels is not a test of faith, but the reward he has been waiting for all these years.

Aziraphale will ultimately become free through Crowley's love.

[riansdiary]

My Manifesting Success Stories

Dearest Gentle Reader.

I am here with another inspired post! Now what am I talking about? I don't post everyday and force myself to create content because I find that when I do that, it's missing something. They tend to end up being mediocre (not like I can't write up something but I don't wanna force myself to post something when I don't feel like it or when I'm not inspired) so I wanted to only post when I'm inspired and excited to write something that will help someone like right this moment!

I like to write when I'm inspired and my posts all end up becoming the best when I do it that way.

I'm writing this up not only because it will help and inspire you all but I also wanted to record and keep track of my every or most of my success stories so I can remember how powerful I am! How amazing I am and how I'm a master at manifesting! Sometimes you just need to remind yourself what you've accomplished to feel proud and to end doubts. It's also great to keep records of it for my own amusement. I will make another post for my next ones.

Let's just get right through with it! These are all my real success stories but it is really a fact that whatever you want is meant for you. I hope this helps inspire everyone or at least have fun reading!

Note: All I did to manifest these are literally just affirming/deciding and commanding my subconscious like a boss or a queen. I have a new post that I wrote about that, check it out here. I also left the 3d alone and assigned good meanings to it. I persisted and stood firm in my decisions. I only affirmed/decided naturally, casually and in a boss/queen way for a few times. I really mean like about 4-5 times during the day or whenever I thought of it. The most I did was probably just 7 or 8 times. Again, You can read more about my favorite signature method here.

This is what I usually affirmed or said in my mind to manifest. I just decide and command my subconscious mind and my reality like a boss. Like it's my employee. My words are law.

Example: Food

"I'm deciding that Mom's gonna cook this dish. Subconscious mind, I command you to make that happen. Get me this food. I'm not changing my decision ever, It is already done. It's a fact."

I embodied Hong Haein from Queen of Tears and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl when I affirmed or decided. Think how Hong Haein orders everyone in her department store. She's the boss and what she says, goes. Think how Blair Waldorf commands her minions. That's how you need to do it, stand firm on your decision and persist. Only do it if it resonates with you but this is what helped me to persist so I know this will be really helpful to everyone. I used to easily give up and wavering like a freaking ocean. I became a master at manifesting because of that mindset change. Your desires are meant for you. You already have it in the 4d as soon as you want it. It will materialize in the 3d but that is just a bonus or a cherry on top because it's already a fact even before it did.

1. My parents coming home with my desired food or snack. 🍟

I manifested tons of things this way. I manifested my favorite orange juice, McDonald's fries, a snack that I'm craving and more. I just affirmed a few times. Not even more than 10 times and persisted. Sometimes it's commanding my subconscious mind. The time when I started to learn about the law of assumption, I wavered and gave up too early but now it's very easy for me to do.

So there was a time when I was craving for a specific orange juice that is my favorite but my parents don't know which brand. They know that I like orange juice but not down to the brand. I was sitting on my bed and I was trying commanding my subconscious after reading a post about that here on Tumblr.

I said: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me some Minute maid orange juice. It's my favorite orange juice. Thanks." That's all then when my dad came back, guess what he placed on the floor? A WHOLE ASS BOX OF MY FAVORITE ORANGE JUICE!!! I only commanded my subconscious and trusted it! I only did that once! This is still one of my favorite success stories.

2. No soda diet no more! 🥤

Okay so my mom wanted us to stop drinking coke and instead drink water. I get it, water is good for you. I do like water but I miss the fizz and flavor of coke. It's refreshing! I also have a placebo for that. Drinking coke will make me and my loved ones perfectly healthy. I know it doesn't make sense but that's a placebo! Most of them don't make sense or sound crazy but it is what you think it is. If you think it works then it works.

I only affirmed whenever I thought of it. Again, not even that much.

"No, mom will start buying coke again and that never happened. We're gonna be able to drink it again."

I kind of compromised and decided on Sprite because I like it as well and it's kind of healthier than coke so I affirmed:

"Mom is gonna come home with a big bottle of Sprite. It's done."

Then low and behold, Mom comes back from the store and guess what she came home with? YES! A bottle of Sprite! This is definitely a success story because we were gonna stop drinking coke. If Mom wanted some coke, even just a small bottle, she can get it. And yet she came home with Sprite instead just like how I wanted.

3. Manifesting my Kpop Idol boyfriend 💕

Now this is a big manifestation! This is actually an SP one. Yes, he is a popular idol but for our privacy, I shall keep it strictly vague.

This is what I mean that you literally can manifest anything you want in the world. Anything you want. Whether that's a fictional character, a superpower, an ability from anime (I'll tell you about it in a sec), shifting, a unicorn and whatever floats your boat! You can do it! If you want it, it is meant for you and you already have it in the 4d. Your subconscious mind knows what you want and instantly manifests that in the 4d then the 3d naturally.

I wanted Mukoda from Campfire Cooking in Another World with Absurd Skill's online grocery ability. Instead of just grocery though, it has everything that's available out there in the market. It's all free for me and my fingerprint is enough payment. Why? Because my existence alone is a valid reason to get everything I want. Everything we want is meant for us anyway. I wanted it to have an appearance change section, a profile section where I could change everything about me and my loved ones (mostly for full health purposes) and it has a section for food, drinks, snacks, desserts, skincare, makeup, hair stuff and the list goes on. I also wanted a feature where I could change the country. I could buy anything from anywhere! Imagine getting fresh macarons or clothes from Paris instantly! You could say this is in the process but for me I already have it in the 4d and it's already done.

I saw him for the first time on a video and it was love at first sight. He felt so familiar and like I already know him so well even though I've only seen him a few times. When I look at him, he makes me feel so calm, comfortable and at home. I feel so connected to him. It always feels like our hearts are magnets. I just feel so drawn to him. That's how I felt when I was seeing and watching him in the past. Literally when I first got into his group, that's what I said about him. I then find out years later than he's my soulmate. Tadah! 😱🎉❤️ I could have manifested that too or not. Now, I see his name everywhere, so many similarities and we tend to mirror each other a lot. I see his promotional poster ads with his group a lot at our local malls for a brand they are working with. We are both open to sharing our feelings to each other and we have literally cried/got emotional just because we had eye contact. We love each other so much that things like that happen almost daily. I get song messages from his higher self as soon as I wake up. This does not happen everyday though. It's usually songs that I don't listen to much and songs that are not ones that I always sing in my head. I get them as soon as I wake up or go to the bathroom. Just felt like giving you guys some basic information.

I followed Hyler's advice from one of her older videos and just assumed that he's my boyfriend and it's already done. Whenever I watched his videos, I assumed he was my boyfriend and thought like I'm his girlfriend. I aligned my thoughts to being his girlfriend. Fast forward to now, we are happily dating. He's always doing things on a live or a music show for me. It's our secret signals. It's basically gestures that means he knows I'm watching. He does whatever gestures he knows I like. A specific heart pose, a specific gesture about us or pointing at the camera (not the normal one. He's doing it with intention. He has a specific facial expression when he does it. It's like he's saying "This is for you. I know you're watching, love"

It's either something I asked him to do or we both decided on it. It's always obvious when he does it. All I did was change my thoughts to align with the reality I wanted to be in and it's done! He has written lyrics about me as well. He's always in my dreams especially when it's a scary one. He appears at the end of it as if he's making me forget about that and making me remember just him. He's constantly in my dreams though, again usually by the end of it so I tend to remember him more than other things because of that! His members know about me and always just hand him the phone or Ipad, whatever they were using to read comments, whenever they first see my comments and it's just the cutest thing ever. He sometimes slips up when it comes to saying goodbye. They were doing a special holiday live once. When they were saying goodbye and ending the live, instead of greeting the fans with the exact greeting for that holiday, he ended up saying "I love you". It's a different way of saying that but I wanna keep it vague for my privacy. It's the way we usually say I love you to each other so it's special. He also posts pictures with the exact emoji that sounds exactly like my name. The emoji is how you pronounce it but it's spelled a different way. Like 🍒 or 🍎 or 🌹. There are people in the world who are named Cherry, Apple or Rose.

Anyway, I love him so I ended up going on a tangent! You can manifest anyone you want to be your boyfriend whether they're fictional, look like a character you like or a boyfriend who's the carbon copy of an idol you like or your favorite member. Mine is the real one so now you know, you're powerful as f*ck and can get whatever you want. Your desires are meant to be yours and I hope that this is a good example or a proof of that. This is me re-reading to check for spelling mistakes: 😭🥰🤭

4. Manifesting being featured in Subliminal Amino ⭐

I posted my new manifesting success stories here and also on Amino. Now, not everyone can get featured. You only get featured when your blog is approved and if it's good and helpful.

All I did was my signature techniques but it's really as simple as this: "Oh My God! I got featured! Thank you!"

That's it. That was my affirmation and I only did it once or twice. I decided that it's final that I got featured. I said it like a boss. I'm getting featured because I said so. It's already done.

Did I check the 3d and dig up the seeds I planted? No! I didn't care about it, I didn't check because again, I decided I have it so I do. I looked at people liking my post but that was all. I played some games, cleaned the pee of one of our puppies on the floor and just did fun stuff on my phone. I went back to Amino to see the notifs I got. One notification says "featured!" And it was from an admin! They also replied to me and told me that I am really the star of my reality. I literally did other things for a few minutes then I got featured!

5. I manifested not getting any side effects from the vaccine and the jab being quick and painless 💉

I came with my mom to get the vaccine. I was kind of fidgety and nervous, and would rather be at home at that moment. I used to be scared of injections but I manifested some courage for myself and it being done fast and painless. I felt like a superhero or a powerful person when any of the injections I had were done. I was smiling proudly at my family. This was not the vaccine I'm talking about, it's when I got sick. It was really cold at that time and I got pneumonia.

I manifested four things in one go. Me not getting any side effects I heard that people were having. The vaccine is done fast and painless, the long ass line going faster and faster. Closer and closer to where we receive the vaccine. Lastly, my mom is allowed to accompany me. I was scared so I needed some support from Mom. These are what I affirmed naturally as we were in the line:

"The line is going faster! It will be finished in a jiffy (My favorite Nancy Drew movie word 😇)!

"It's gonna be painless and I will absolutely not have any side effects!"

I also did a thing where I walked like a model and assumed that I have my ideal face, ideal hair and ideal body! I kinda visualized it a little bit! We had to do two doses like everyone and both were done fast and were completely painless for me. I compared it to an ant bite. Just a slight pinch.

6. I manifested to look like Tzuyu from Twice

The only thing I did to manifest this was to listen to subliminals and started thinking that I look like her. People in Amino have always said that I look like Tzuyu (after using the subs) and here's some proof of that.

7. A Unicorn 🦄

I'm not talking about a real unicorn though that would have been such a great manifestation success story! This happened recently. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm powerful more and more everyday so I asked my subconscious to show me a unicorn. It could be the word or a picture of it. I was manifesting to see cute things to empower myself and to make them pile up to give me more assurance about my manifesting skills.

I was watching new TikToks about the new Despicable Me movie and I heard Gru say "that's not actually a true unicorn" and I knew that was my manifestation. I literally just got Despicable Me stuff on my FYP, looked more into it because I love those movies and it led me to see that exact TikTok.

8. Saw a pink butterfly 🦋

These are just manifestations to prove to myself that I'm a master at manifesting. I told my subconscious to show me a pink butterfly. It didn't show me a real one but I didn't specify that it needs to be a real one. I went general for it. I've seen this three times. One when I was reading Subliminal Amino posts, two while I'm on Pinterest and lastly at home. My mom suddenly has these cute decorative shiny shimmering butterflies and one of them was pink. I've seen them before while Mom was digging up some moving boxes and storage we have from the old house. This time though, it's just the pink butterfly on our coffee table! I was looking for my other phone and I saw that!

9. Having a ribbon to tie my hair with. This is a very special one!

I loved watching A Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix. I really liked Violet as a character and she does this specific thing to get her brain gears working. She ties her hair with a ribbon or cloth or whatever is available to her and whenever she does that, she ends up thinking of a plan. Here, let me show you what I mean:

I wanted to have one like that so I can use it as a placebo to make me smarter than I already am. I'm already intelligent but I found that doing that hair ribbon trick, can help me solve problems and to brainstorm great ideas. So I commanded my subconscious mind. I was starting to learn this method thanks to @nonbinarydeity for her simplifying manifesting post!

I told my subconscious: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me a ribbon for my hair so I can use it like Violet. I want it to be pink."

I said that once or twice then proceeded to fully trust that my subconscious mind is manifesting/getting that done for me.

I was searching through the stuff on my shelves and storage areas where I have my stuff from the old house. I looked through them and saw this small blue magnetic box container thing. I thought that it had my cartomancy playing cards. We had a couple of those because it's free stuff from a company that a relative was working with. It's the box I'm talking about. I opened it and to my surprise, I saw that it was full of ribbons and hair clips! Not only that, there was a specific soft pink one that I used to do that I was talking about which was Violet Baudelaire's hair tie trick. I used that ribbon like years ago and so I forgot about it. I had these storage boxes at the old house but they are hard to open because there is stuff on top of it. There's no way for me to pull it out. I decided to open it as much as I can and get some of my old stuff. I got my books, old jewelry, an assortment of things then I grabbed that blue magnetic box thinking it contained my cards but actually my cards are in another container close to my bed.

My subconscious mind did not only get me what I wanted but it got me my pink favorite old ribbon that I got specifically to do the thing that Violet does in the show. It's the one I specifically had for that purpose years ago.

This is definitely one of my favorite success stories!!!

10. Made my straight hair go curly and a bit wavy

My hair used to be straight as heck and I was happy with it but I wanted to make just a slight change. I want my ends to be wavy or curly. You see, I was jealous of my younger sister's hair. She had curly ends and it's so pretty! That's what I wanted to have. I want to keep the top to mid part of my hair straight and the ends more wavy. So I used a subliminal from glow soul, her hair sub and all I did was listen once while looking at pictures of my desired hair. I was already seeing the ends of my hair starting to curl and become a bit wavy. It was more solidified to me that it was actually working when my mom and my sister kept noticing how the ends of my hair were becoming more wavy and curly. There was this one time when we were at a mall, I was walking in front of my mom and my sister. My sister told our mom that the ends of my hair are curling and getting wavier. I didn't do anything to my hair at all! I just combed it before going and that was it! This really makes me happy and I still have those results! Let me show you my hair before and the photo I looked at while listening.

This is the photo I looked at while listening to the sub:

11. Being spoiled by everyone 🛍️

I used another subliminal for this and it is laveria's very popular "get gifts n get spoiled" subliminal! When I started listening to this, my mom kept buying me things from online that I really liked. This was in the past when we had a tight budget but we suddenly got richer and got a new car after I listened to a rich subliminal! Mom was then able to buy me stuff or ask me what I want in the shop she's shopping at online because of those two subs! My dad also gave me extra allowance money to buy whatever I wanted! My brother bought us snacks that I wanted for so long (they don't know) like cakes and macarons! This is the most recent one! My sweet little sister bought me tons of books whenever she shops at amazing book fairs with her girlfriend. She literally got me books in genres that I love like detective, mystery, fantasy and more! She didn't do that much before unless it was my birthday. She even gave me As Old As Time as a one month early birthday gift! I recommend that book so much! I finished it so fast! I also got a lot of money from relatives.

12. Found my ear hook that I lost 👂

Okay so the wired earphone that I was using during that time always fell out of my ears so my mom got me ear hooks. It's a silicon accessory that has a hook that you can hang on your ear so earphones won't fall out. They look like this:

I basically lost one of them when I woke up and I literally searched every nook and cranny. I commanded my subconscious mind to find it for me and I affirmed "found it!" three times after that. I just trusted that my subconscious mind will get that for me and relaxed. Even if days would come and it hasn't shown up, I never gave up. I continued my day knowing the subconscious will help me find it. One day, my mom was organizing stuff around my bedroom and that's when she gave me my missing ear hook! I have searched everywhere and Mom found it at the area that I have searched multiple times so I knew this was a success story. I shifted to the reality where I found that ear hook.

12. Being better in Among Us

Among Us is one of my favorite games ever, in fact I miss it now. I had to delete it to get more space. As I said, I am really intelligent already but I tend to be nervous and sometimes slip up as the impostor. I'm good at catching impostors but I get nervous and scared when I'm the impostor.

I started listening to an Among us sub and it's about being really good as an impostor. I became a genius at being an impostor. I never got caught ever after that! I have saved some compliments from friends and random people to savor my success story and make me feel amazing! I'll show you in a sec! Me scouring through my messy gallery right now: 🧐

I've been complimented and called a genius so many times but I can only provide one photo since Tumblr only allows 10 photos per post.

And that is all I can recall from the top of my head. Thank you for reading!

XOXO Rian 💋

Or maybe yours truly, Lady Whistledown 😆

I'm kidding! I'm just enjoying Bridgerton recently! Remember, you already have what you want and it's already done! 🎉

[drchucktingle]

Good day Dr. Tingle. I haven't read your stories, but I've known about you from afar in this website for a while. Your recent post about separating Ideas and Message is very similar to how I teach a class. I wanted to ask you, if you could share some of your Messages, in whichever structure/length/complexity you think about them before writing, to have some real world examples to show in class.

Personally I tend to simplify and shorten my messages as much as possible, like "everyone deserves forgiveness" for example, so that I can permeate it throughout the story, and so that anyone experiencing the story can come to a similarish conclusion.

I'm curious as to how your Messages look like inside your head, during the creative process. Not the refined versions used for marketing and sales and stuff.

Thank you!

sure buckaroo.

high concept idea of the book STRAIGHT was this: zombie apocalypse story but the rage only effects straight cis people (there is also a second high concept idea in there which is: what if zombie plague only happened one day a year? how would culture handle this politically and otherwise?)

so i had this idea that i thought was good, but before i can write it i think 'well what do i want to SAY about this? what am i FEELING?'

and i realized that i was a little torn about how to write this story because of the one day a year thing. when is it okay to fight back? can you hurt a zombie if it turns back into a person the next day? is that right or wrong? and WHEN is it right or wrong? what situations?

then i realized that with the metaphor of this story what i was really asking was something bigger: why is it up to the victims (in this case queer buckaroos) to be forced to make these decisions? marginalized groups have TWO kinds of violations done to them, the first is the obvious act of violation, but the second is that they are forced to use their time and mental space and emotional tolerance to learn how to HANDLE the first violation in an 'acceptable way'

so THAT became my message. if you want to know how i feel about these questions you can read STRAIGHT and find out.

CAMP DAMASCUS high concept idea was (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ CAMP DAMASCUS STOP READING HERE) what if the church really DID decide the ends justify the means and instead of stopping demonic possession they were inflicting demonic possession to counter sinful acts.

but that is not the message of the book. that is just the idea. if i just had that idea i would not write it, but as things evolved i realized WHAT i wanted to say with this story

in this situation WHO is the force of 'evil'? would it be the demons? would it be the possessed? or would it be the SYSTEM AND MENTALITY that was creating this situation in the first place? so the book sets out the answer this question and express the conclusion that ive made for myself

i also noticed that many churches who are anti gay have a sort of infantilizing trot with how they handle their young buckaroos. this idea that gay feelings will just go away if they are ignored and that they can almost keep young queer buckaroos from ever aging into fully realized adults. obviously i think this is WRONG and so fighting back against this mentality became part of the message as well, and that informed most of the metaphor and symbolism in the book.

it is important to keep in mind that sometimes the message can change. as the book trots along i am LEARNING myself, working out these thoughts on the page and coming to a conclusion of my own. this is actually VERY true of BURY YOUR GAYS, which is probably most autobiographical thing i have written. i will save talking about that MESSAGE and HIGH CONCEPT for after book is out though

EDIT FOR CLARITY OF MY WAY:

when i say i write MESSAGE FIRST that does not mean i think of the message first in TIME (although that does happen sometimes) it means the message is the most important thing over plot or characters or anything like that (although those are important too). it means that i write with message as my north star, which is rare, but it is how i make art