#wish I had someone who could give me some proper advice on how to deal with bullies but alas

[cerise-on-top]

Hi! Love your writing sm, hope you're having a good day! 💗

How about an older veteran reader with Rudy, Price, Soap, and Alejandro? Just sharing war stories and offering a place for them to stay if they ever need it, a sprinkle of elderly advice here and there

Hello! Thank you, that's very kind of you! My day was somewhat rough, but at the very least I got to go home early!

Price, Soap, Alejandro and Rodolfo with an Older Veteran!Reader

Price: He’s talked to plenty of people, a few among them were war veterans as well. Price has great respect for those kinds of people. After all, you’d been in the same business as he is for a while and saw all the horrors, so it’s not particularly hard for him to relate to the things you say. He’s not as open to talking about his experiences during daytime, but if you catch him during the evening alone when he’s had a drink or two, then he’s far more willing to open up. Doesn’t matter what war you’ve fought in, some things stay the same. He’s a captain, so naturally he’s stressed out about a lot of things, such as every member of his Task Force dying while he can’t do anything but watch. He doesn’t like to show such, preferring to keep his cool, but it does occupy his mind every once in a while, regardless of how capable his boys are. Price isn’t immune to the night time melancholy, so he might confide in you. Tell him a few stories of your own, he’ll retaliate with some of the things he’s seen. Nothing confidential, naturally, but the awful horrors he’s encountered. How he’s seen his own comrades be tortured in front of him. How they were killed like bugs, as if they didn’t have a life of their own. You set the tone, really. Tell him a hopeful story and he’ll tell you one of his own. Tell him a funny story, you’ll hear about Soap’s and Ghost’s midnight shenanigans. You’re more than welcome to tell him about the old times, while you were training, he remembers those fondly and will smile while looking into his tequila. If you offer him a place to stay, he’ll be a bit torn: You seem nice enough, but does he really wanna put you in potential danger like that? You know best what comes with his profession. If there’s really no other way out, if he really is being hunted by the world and doesn’t have a place to stay, then he’ll come to you, but otherwise he’ll try to keep you safe as well. However, he has an open ear for any and all advice you could give him. He’s in his mid to late thirties, so while he has seen a few things here and there he still has much to learn. Price is someone who can appreciate some advice from someone who knows what they’re doing.

Soap: Ever since his cousin had shown him the SAS base he’s wanted to join the military, actively asking his relatives if they knew any veterans who could tell him some cool stories. There were a few, but no amount of stories told could ever satisfy him. Even now that he’s one of, if not the youngest to have passed the SAS selection, he’s still stoked to be part of it all. One day, he wants to be able to tell stories of his own. Once he figures out that you’re a veteran he’ll gravitate towards you and ask you all sorts of questions. Unlike Price, he’s more than willing to exchange stories at any point in time, you don’t need to get him tipsy and melancholic for that. If he can tell you’re okay with it, he’ll even start talking about how his training went, what he had to do in order to become a sergeant. Soap loves talking about himself in that regard, he’s very proud of what he has accomplished, but will stay quiet for some moments so you can tell him about your own career as well. He’s all ears as soon as you start talking, soaking up every word you say like a sponge. If one of your stories reminds him of something that has happened to him he’ll butt in a bit and tell a short anecdote, but other than that he’s quiet. You can tell him anything and he’ll be happy to listen. While he can be a bit of a rascal from time to time, he does take your advice to heart and listens to it. His memory is pretty good so he’ll likely remember what you said for a long time as well, especially in the right moments. Despite him being in his mid twenties, he’ll also give you some advice. Soap just really wants to seem like a cool person in your eyes. Depending on what side you fought, you might even become a hero of sorts to him. Either way, he’s all too chipper to be spending time with you. If you offer him a place to stay then you can be certain he’ll take you up on your offer. He thinks you’re the coolest person out there, so sometimes he might just ask you if he could stay with you for a night just so he could talk with you over some drinks. So, it really doesn’t need to be an emergency for him to come knocking on your door. However, he’s more willing to stay with you during an emergency than Price, fully aware that you could likely defend yourself anyway if it came down to it.

Alejandro: Out of all the people on this list, he’s the oldest one, not counting you, of course, so he has quite some experience himself. He’s a colonel, he leads people on the daily, needs to make sure everything goes well and all. He knows what he’s doing. However, he’s also a pretty social guy, so he wouldn’t hesitate to chat with you for a bit, regardless of how busy he might be. If it’s clear you’ll be talking to each other for a longer time, then he might invite you to a bar or cafe for a drink or two. Alejandro is always more than happy to hear from fellow soldiers, regardless of whether they’re on duty, or not. You’re always more than welcome to seek him out for a chat or two, he’s a good man. Tell him stories of yours first, he, too, is more than happy to tell you some of his own. He has plenty to tell himself, having been a soldier for most of his lif. Although he’d prefer to start off easy with a funny anecdote or two before diving into something rougher. Being in the military can be wild, after all. Not all of it is bad, even if a good portion of it ends up being heartbreaking. Although he won’t confide in you immediately upon meeting you for the first time, he’ll open up some more if you seek each other out from time to time. Eventually he’ll tell you about his regrets as well as the things he loves. Not as melancholic as Price, but there’s still some sadness in his tone as he speaks. If you give him some advice he’ll laugh a bit. Yes, he knows you’re older than him by quite a bit, but he’s not really the youngest anymore either, so he has some advice up his sleeve himself. Doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate it, though. Just for retaliation purposes, he’ll crack a joke about your age, but it’s not ill intentioned. You can offer him a place to stay, but he won’t take you up on it during an emergency. He’s a highly sought after man, with El Sin Nombre being out for his head as well whenever she can, Alejandro knows that things won’t end well for you if he spends too much time with you when things are bleak, but he’s more than happy to come visit you when he has time, chat with you over a drink or two. Depending on how far away you live, he might stay with you for a night or two, though. He does like getting to spend time with you.

Rodolfo: While he may not actively seek out elders just to chat with them about what he sees on the daily, he doesn’t mind hearing about it either. If a good conversation starts, then he can convince himself to stay for a bit longer just to listen to you talk about your time in the military. Rodolfo doesn’t love being in the military as much as Soap or Alejandro do. Don’t get me wrong, he still likes his profession, but the spark that used to be there when he first started has since dimmed quite a bit. While you likely can’t reignite that spark, you can give him some respite. A break would do him good. He may try to not think about work too much when he can, but if you start talking about the good old times, then he’ll grow a bit sentimental and tell you about how he first started and what it was like back then. Rodolfo has always liked Alejandro, even looked up to him a bit since he was sort of just unkillable, no matter what happened. And yes, when he starts talking about this he loses track of time and himself and will simply ramble on and on about what it used be like. Don’t worry, though, you’ll get your turn to speak once he realizes just how much he’d been talking. Apologizes about this afterwards. That would be a good time to tell him about your own training back then. The good, the bad and the ugly. It’s not often that someone gets to see it, but if you reminisce together, you might even get to see a somber smile from the guy as well. Once he’s mellowed out a bit like that, you can give him just about any advice and he’ll listen. If it’s something silly, he might chuckle a bit, but will take it to heart. Who is he to deny an elderly person their right to give him some advice? You know what you’re talking about, after all. Always more than happy to be given such, he likes knowing what he has to do in the right situations. It’s not always easy, after all. Offer him a place to stay and he’ll actually take you up on it. Whether he needs some more advice or just wants a good chat, you’ll see him come up to your home every once in a while, always with a gift such as an expensive bottle of wine. If he’s in an especially precarious situation and nearby, he’ll actually come to you, knowing that he’ll be in good hands. Please take good care of him, Rodolfo could always, and I mean always, use someone like you.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Sorry if this ask gets broken or send more than once, tumblr likes to crash on my phone a lot oops!

Anyhoo, any advice for creating a headmate?

We're a traumagenic system, so we never had any control over when we split new headmates. But I'm a fictive of someone who's a twin and I really miss my brother and would really really love it if he could join us in the headspace, I think he would really like my headmates and they would be very receptive of him <:) I talked to the others about it and they said they think its okay for me to try as long as we do so in a healthy way.

But I dont know how to split a new headmate in a healthy way. Im obviously not going to purposely put us through stress and/or trauma to encourage a traumagenic formation, that'd be unhealthy. BUT I dont know how to help form a headmate in a non-traumagenic way... Do you have any advice or tips? I know theres lots of ways to willingly form new headmates, but I dont really know how to utilize them.

Thank you so much in advance!!

Hi! This is pretty tricky, and in general we’d advise traumagenic systems to make sure they’re in a safe place/have made significant progress towards recovery before attempting to create a headmate. There’s a lot of ways something like this could go very wrong if proper care is not taken! That being said, you do know yourself and your system better than anyone else! So if you and your system believe attempting to create a headmate is the right thing to do and the best move for your system, we’re wishing you the best of luck, and have some resources we can share.

All of the best resources we’ve found so far we’ve compiled in our resources post for questioning systems.

That post ^ has a whole section for plurality that is non-dissociative disorder specific, with tons of links to guides and resources on how to go about creating a headmate. The paromancy (called “tulpamancy” in the links) guides are probably the most comprehensive, with tons of information on creating a paro/thoughtform, which is a type of nontraumagenic headmate.

Y’all might also find it easier and less high-stakes to visualize this person as an imaginary friend or an aspect of your headspace. Lots of systems have NPCs in their headspace which have limited autonomy, but aren’t actually full-fledged system members. You can visualize an NPC in the same way you visualize a setting or object as a part of a headspace - we have a little headspace primer which we’ll link below which might help if you choose to go this route!

If you start out with this potential headmate as an imaginary friend, and they ultimately start to feel like a part of the system, there’s a term for that! It’s called imagi, and you can read a bit more about it on Pluralpedia:

Hopefully this helps at least give you somewhat of a starting point! And if we may, a final word of caution:

Creating a headmate is a big deal. Often this is something that will last forever, and cannot be easily reversed. What is so so important to understand, is that once this headmate can think for themself and are afforded some autonomy and agency, they may make decisions or choose to be something that no one in your system ever would have anticipated.

This means thy may want to separate from their source. They may not act, look, or view themselves the way the twin from your source would have. They may not arrive with source memories, and may not see themselves as your twin at all. In many systems, headmates act and function as their own individuals, and feel happiest when they have their own agency and get to make choices about how they present and interact with the world. This means, there is a chance that any headmate you create won’t live up to the standards you’ve set for them beforehand. We’re not saying this sort of thing will happen 100%! But there definitely is a chance of this occurring, so it’s best to be prepared in case it does.

In the end, this is your choice and a choice to be made by your system! We just hope y’all are understanding the consequences of doing something like this, and know that no matter how you envision your new headmate at the beginning, there’s nothing certain that will keep them that way as they grow and develop on their own. We hope your potential new headmate will be understood, valued, and respected for who they are as they are, and not who others hoped for them to be!

Sorry this got so long! Good luck with everything! We hope this process goes as smoothly for you and your system as it can!

🌸 Margo and 👻 Ghost

[factorialsotherfandoms]

Hi! I just found your qsmp xcom au and I’m absolutely in love. I’ve been a fan of the game for years now and I’ve always thought it would make a good au but very rarely found fics of it, especially for a fandom I actually know and enjoy :) The way you write pac and mike especially is just so. Aaaaaaaa! If I didn’t already like them I surely would by now. I’ve actually been inspired by your au to try writing one for my own mcyt fandom, and I was wondering if you had any advice for doing a playthrough? I like to consider myself decent at the game, but I’m certainly not an expert. If there’s any settings you’d recommend or tricks to making the game more easily translated into fic I’d love to hear it!

Ah hi! Hello! Someone who has also played it!!! I definitely have an utterly normal and reasonable number of hours in this game

I'm really glad you enjoy it! And lmao I've enjoyed Pac and Mike for a while, but it really was in writing them for the au that they took over my brain. Kinda wish I had more with them, as I'm kinda trying to ration myself so I still have more them-focused stuff to write later, you know? It's a silly-huge project as, well, you know how little of the canon plot I've managed to actually write in the 100,000+ words (minus notes file) so far ^^;

Oh that'd be cool! I don't know so many of them, but yeah! It'd be really neat to see more (I recently got into Ordem and I keep having to slap myself from starting another au ^^;). It's... actually the second one I did, funnily enough - years ago I also had a Fire Emblem: Fates one going but err... Well I might have been a dumbass and written straight to ao3 drafts so I lost everything but some sketches for that.

Advice wise... I mean the main one is play it on the settings you enjoy? It is a long game, especially if like me you have DLC on when you play. Potentially longer still depending on if you mod it or not.

This is just some rambling I guess.

Do you want to deal with character death? If no, play it on an easier setting. If yes, play it on a harder one. Feel free to save-scum away as needed! Theoretically save scumming on harder still means no death but higher injury rate, but I'm bad enough at the game that happens whenever

Similarly, are you thinking more plot or more true to gameplay? If like me you're story more than accuracy when writing, and have the correct stuff installed to, consider increasing the avatar project counter and turn limits. It gives you more flexibiltiy to do non-optimal but amusing things. Like me not letting Pac and Mike split up, or making Philza occasionally running off like he's a ranger instead of anything sensible for a specialist to be doing.

Make a list of all the characters in your fandom in advance, even if you think you won't need it. You will thank me when you're 50 missions in, having to use this random major you picked up from a scan 3 days ago, and you're sat on the party loadout screen desperately trying to remember who you haven't used yet so you can customise them.

Take notes. No, more notes than that - I took what I thought were good notes, and still find myself wanting more details. This was actually easier on my old laptop where loading back to the ship after each mission took 35 minutes as I could type proper mini reports on my phone in that time. This... did not happen this time oops. My notes are a mess. The ones I published are the *tidied* ones.

That said, if something would work better for plot reasons? Just change it. You're writing a story once you sit down to write, and sometimes RNG sucks for that. Different character should have been shot for drama? Someone else should get to kill one of the Chosen as you linked their backstory in? Want more Avatars and them to be a bigger deal chatty wise? Just go for it.

What, if any, details from the original universe do you want to bring over? For me this was an after playing it thing, but it's worth thinking about. For example, do you want to keep potions, or are you using medkits? In the former case, how does that intersect with the worldbuilding? For QSMP working out how the eggs came in was one of the hardest bits, but I knew I both wanted them and didn't just want to make them units. Wanting the eggs and deciding they were ADVENT experiments (well Federation here) also influenced who went on missions. I didn't assign which eggs where (beyond Memory, A1, and Trump) until later, but I made sure that for all eggs with a combatant parent said parent went on at least one facility or chosen base mission. The exception to this is actually Tilin, as Luzu comes into the plot later (see my note about make a damned list of characters lmao), and both Quackities are non-com.

Actually that wise, the biggest question is what you do about the Commander, and their importance in getting through and into the final mission. For me, I'm using the eggs for that. For you? Who knows.

Are you doing fics before and after and off mission? If yes er I knew it'd be a big project but it spiralled out of control on me oops. Also… its not something that tends towards main characters, but you're unlikely to be able to truly keep it ensemble. Make sure to bring at least one fave on important missions, otherwise it'll suck to write them.

Maybe have a think about some character stuff before you start? Not everyone, unless you're like that, but having an idea for at least your favourites and plot-relevant people helps. Are you replacing Central, Shen, and Tygan with people from your fandom? Then you need to not use the people you replace them with as units. What about the chairman? (Early story for me his job is being done partially by Cellbit, then he's written out entirely later on). Are there specific classes you want people as? Less important for the first four, but something like PsiOps takes a bit of arranging. Are you willing to wait for the GTS for them, or are you fighting RNG? Are there any specific introductions you want? What does this need? (I knew I wanted Pac and Mike not to be there at the start of the game - I should write that huh - and their entrance to be dramatic. This meant I had to wait for an appropriate mission before I could adjust units and 'recruit' them. I actually had them premade and classed using the GTS, just not being used until I got a good mission for them. This ended up being... Well, if I write it people will see. It's on the to do list, but I need followup from the first Avatar kill first. Adjust where you need to of course, but it's easier to adjust something that already has the vibes).

If you premake your units, it doesn't necessarily remember your class preferences, and also it'll populate the long list of units you can buy before the units from say scanning or mission rewards. I just customised mine after i got them, but this does mean that my screenshots from the very first mission aren't usable (and in my notes I wrote using default names then fixed them). The first 4 characters are always 1 of each class, but I've yet to find a way to force them into specific classes. Consider that.

You will find yourself filling in worldbuilding and plot gaps. I'm sorry. I was adding stuff with bond mechanics (most of which i dropped) and

As for what I played on err... rookie (I can play up to hard, but am squishy and didn't want MCD to handle), double length avatar project (could fuck around), variable grenade damage on (I just like it), tutorial off (Jane Kelly was going to spoil all my character balancing, though I've still made reference to that mission in places), Lost&Abandoned on (I wanted a normal set of 4 to start and also already knew Bagi and Walter Bob were taking those roles), extended mission timer (see the messing about note)... basically I put it on the chillest settings possible so I could worry about in-character type stupidity rather than the complexities of the missions. Someone did frag someone at least once, though. Can't remember who, but it happened.

Um... Okay brain ran out. If you have questions ask away? I definitely have a brain today kinda honest. Also I played this back in like September so memory is a bit patchy, but see the note about considering doing another in another fandom lmao.

[hitnran]

STRESSED (gender neutral! reader)

what they do when you’re stressed

includes: izana, kakucho, ran, rindou, shion, mucho, sanzu, hanma

note: i miss tenjiku

— IZANA KUROKAWA

If you’re stressed out and want Izana to help you out, or at least notice that you’re feeling off, it’s going to be a little bit difficult.

You’d either have to be so on edge where you either blow up or give him the silent treatment where you just want to be alone. In that case, Izana would be very confused. He’d question why you’re acting so weird towards him, not even picking up the possibility that something was bothering you.

He’ll most likely leave you alone for a bit to cool off or until you become yourself again. If he were still curious as to what was up with your attitude earlier, he’d bring it up.

“Why were you ignoring me earlier?” Izana questioned. There was no build up to the question nor hesitation behind asking - he was charismatic enough to be the leader of a gang after all.

You felt a little bad. It was nothing he knew about, yet you took your stress out on him without telling him what was going on. You went on, answering his question, and telling him how stressed out you’ve been lately.

“Well, tell me next time,” Izana sighed, shaking his head. He really wish you would’ve let him know what was going on earlier. He thought so much time was wasted of you ignoring him when it could’ve been so much easier if you had just told him you were stressed.

“Hey,” Izana called out to you.

You turn your head in his direction and a hand was placed against your cheek. Izana doesn’t often show his affection, but when he does, he does it in the most intimate moments to let you know how much he loves you.

He peppers your lips with kisses, pulling you into his chest and softening his voice, “Don’t stress over it so much; you’re just wasting your time.”

— KAKUCHO HITTO

If you’re stressed, Kakucho’s going to immediately know. It’s apart of his character to pick up on the behaviors of those who he is nearby. If you’re feeling off, he’s going to try his best to help you through it.

Kakucho would firstly make sure you’re comfortable. He’d lay you down, make sure you’ve eaten first, and massage your muscles of any tension. He’d then slowly ease into asking you if anything had happened.

You tell him how stressed you’ve been with things occurring in your life whether it be major or minor or both. He listens into every word, nodding and speaking here and there to show that he is attentive. When you’re done with your venting, Kakucho would surprisingly give you good advice to help you through it.

If it’s a situation that he can’t completely speak on or help you with, he still wants you to know that he is there for you. There’s no reason for him to apologize, but he does it anyway because he feels such empathy for you and doesn’t want his lover to be so upset.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, love,” He’ll say, his eyes evidently filled with worry.

Kakucho would pull you in closer, rubbing your back and asking you if there was anything else he could give you.

“Just hold me,” You murmured into his arms.

“I planned to do that all along,” His soft chuckle was already enough to boost your mood.

— RAN HAITANI

It is quite easy for Ran to tell when you are stressed as well. It may be an older sibling instinct, but he picks up on small things especially behavioral.

Just in case it might just be him being paranoid though, he’ll also ease into it. Maybe he’ll joke around and tease you a little bit before confirming that something was up.

“Babe,” He calls out to you.

You silently hum as a response, not giving him the proper attention he wanted. In that case, Ran will just throw himself onto you, locking you in his arms until you tell him what’s wrong. Sometimes it gives you a headache, especially if you just wanna be alone. Usually Ran would give you space if you wanted it, but only if you tell him first.

“What’s wrong?” Ran asks you, running a hand down your back to soothe you.

You tell him how you have been stressed and he takes in all the information. In the end, he knows there isn’t much he can do about it himself, so the best thing Ran will do is just get your mind off of it.

He’ll ask if you want to go outside, maybe just for a ride on his bike or to be treated with your favorite dessert. If staying in is something you’d prefer, he’d run you a bath and pamper you, clearing his entire day just to spend with you.

— RINDOU HAITANI

A lot like Izana, Rindou’s not going to pick up that easy on you being stressed. He just takes it as you being slightly annoyed by inconveniences in your life; which for him, happens a lot, but you aren’t him.

He’ll only pick up on it if you obviously show that you’re stressed whether it be raising your voice, crying, or wanting to be alone. But prior to it, he won’t really approach the situation very well.

“What is up with you?” Rindou raised an eyebrow, wondering why you were acting so off. “You’re being so bothersome right now.”

Rindou is very blunt, and sometimes, he doesn’t think about what he says before saying it. You know this, but with your emotions all over the place, you couldn’t help but cry in front of him.

His knees will lock up in place and he’ll start sweating. It’s not often you cry, so when you do, he genuinely doesn’t know what to do. Rindou just panics and he drops his ‘cool act,’ putting his hands all over you and sitting you down to calm you down.

“Shit,” Rindou panics. He pulls you in for a hug, chanting words of how he’s sorry. “I’m sorry, baby. Did something happen? Did I make it worse?”

You calm yourself down, catching your breath before speaking. When he hears how you’ve been feeling lately, he feels so guilty for not picking up on it earlier.

He’ll lay you down, softening his touch and his voice, and just allow you to talk it out until the conversation heads into another direction and you two are either talking about some silly topic or have fallen asleep.

— SHION MADARAME

Shion is exactly the kind of guy who is ‘asshole to the world but not to his S/O.’ He switches up and makes a complete 180 around you.

He truly cannot believe that he has someone like you in his life and the last thing he wants to do is make a mistake. Sometimes, Shion is a little too on edge and cautious. Even if nothing is wrong, he’ll still ask things like ‘am I doing okay?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’ He just wants you happy.

But when you’re irritated about whatever it is going on in your life, Shion starts panicking on how to approach the situation. He’ll start losing it even more if you begin to cry.

“Ah?” Shion’s eyes widen and his mouth gapes, seeing you have a breakdown. He gulps hard, immediately pulling you into a hug. “D-Don’t cry? Ah, fuck.”

The best way for him to deal with you is to just make you laugh. Shion is a very funny guy, even when he doesn’t intend to be funny. Just seeing him panic so much is already making you laugh with how he’s running around.

He calms down a bit when you emit a small laughter, eyes still puffy and red. Shion will loosen his shoulders, wiping your tears off with his thumb and asking what happened and if there’s anything he can do.

— YASUHIRO MUTO (mucho)

Mucho is a quiet guy. He only speaks when he feels like it’s necessary and isn’t afraid to put in his opinion. With you, it’s the same but he’s a little bit more cautious with what he says.

Instead, he’ll silently observe you. As someone who dealt with getting rid of rats within Toman, he’s very keen on behavior that is different from the norm. He noticed your sentences cut short and your breath becoming more prolonged and exaggerated.

“Something happen?” He’ll finally give in, pulling you down into his lap and massaging your shoulders. “You look stressed.”

Although he doesn’t speak much, the words he says in reply to you venting to him is rather good advice. Even if it were just a couple of words, you know that he means every bit of it.

“You’ll get through it, I know it,” Mucho says, placing a kiss on your neck. “And if not, that’s okay too. We aren’t made to succeed in everything.”

— HARUCHIYO SANZU

Sanzu’s way of dealing with his own stress is to isolate himself until he feels like the situation as passed to where he can finally go back to acting ‘normal’ again.

Sanzu is also very observant, so if he sees that you’re stressed out, he’ll also probably leave you alone for a bit unless you tell him or give signs that you want him.

He’s not going to ask you what’s wrong until later on - if it were important, he’d want you to just tell him upfront. But if you didn’t tell him, then he just assumes that it’s an issue that will pass.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. He’ll still put in the effort in small ways like still making sure you’ve eaten, making sure that your space is clean, etc.

He’ll be patiently waiting for you to ease down. When Sanzu sees you finally showing yourself to him, he spreads out his legs a bit to signal to you that he’s free to talk to.

You place yourself in his lap and he cradles you. He’ll stare at you, waiting for you to say something before he can engage. If it’s someone who bothered you, Sanzu might consider ways to deal with them in private (but you always tell him that it’s not that serious). Otherwise, he’ll just listen and want to get your mind off of it.

— SHUJI HANMA

Hanma spends a lot of time with you throughout the day. He doesn’t see anything wrong with just wanting to use all of that time on someone he loves. If he’s bored, he’ll go over your place.

When he enters your place, he knew something was off. You didn’t even greet him at the door and that just won’t do.

Hanma will scoop you up, your face close to his, “Now what’s goin’ on, doll? Someone piss you off today?”

Hanma is surprisingly really easy to talk to. He nods in between your sentences, showing that he’s paying attention. Sometimes, he’ll plug in jokes here and there to hopefully get a laugh out of you.

“You’re stressed? Then stop being stressed,” Hanma teases, squishing the sides of your face before kissing you. He’ll latch himself into you, “Just give me that attention instead.”

[rwprincess]

Head Over Feet (Brian Johnson x Fem!Reader)

Masterlist

Word Count: 4.8k

Synopsis: What’s that sound? It’s another anachronistic Brian Johnson songfic! (Based on Alanis Morissette’s Head Over Feet) You’re one of Bender’s trash-punk friends and things change drastically when he brings the scrawny brain from detention with him to meet you all. Set up in snippets, your relationship develops with Brian, even if you weren’t really looking for a relationship.

CW: Teenage smoking (including reader), swearing, parental abuse (being being kicked out), sexism, angst and fluff

“This is Johnson,” Bender indicated the boy he brought along to your group’s spot under the bleachers.

“Brian, please.” The kid corrected. You eyed the gangly youth from top to bottom; in his sweater over a crisply-ironed collared shirt and khakis, he definitely didn’t fit in here with you all. You’d be called grungy punks at best. You didn’t think any of you even owned an iron and crisp definitely wasn’t your style. You blew out a puff of smoke, exhaling the nicotine from your lungs and shifted your gaze to Bender, wondering what he was at with this. He wasn’t the best guy, but pranking this preppy little nerd by bringing him down to your hangout? That seemed beneath him.

“You, uh, running some kinda charity here, Bender? We’re not exactly Make-A-Wish material, kid.” Scorch told the blonde dweeb and you snorted at the thought.

“Shut the fuck up,” was all Bender said in response. The rest of the twenty minutes of Brian Johnson standing there was of course, incredibly awkward and it was clear to everyone that he didn’t fit in. But that didn’t stop him from coming back a week later. And again a few days after that. And again and again until, well, that dork had grown on the lot of you. While he didn’t partake in cigarette smoking like most of you, he did take Bender up on his weed on several occasions and was actually really funny while high. He did weirdly spot-on impressions and had a sense of humor that none of your group had anticipated.

And, as much as you would vehemently deny it, you liked him when he was sober, too. He was incredibly smart and helpful and while his jokes were different without marijuana in his system, he could be amusing. That first awkward encounter was back in March, maybe April. But now you spent time with him without the convenience of school pulling you together. Now it was June and you sought to spend time with him, even without the group. Tonight, you were laying in a field not far from the high school, just the two of you. You liked to listen to him ramble on about the constellations and the myths about why they were named as they were. You remembered liking that as a kid, but you didn’t remember most of the stories. You knew you could ask him questions about the actual stars, too. Like, the science of it, and he would know. But you’d rather let him ramble and tackle one subject at a time. Even though he focused more on science and math, he was a pretty good storyteller, and right now that provided you with more of an escape than talking about the chemical composition of a star. When he finished his retelling of Ursa Minor’s story, however, he remained silent and didn’t start up a new piece of lore. After a moment, you looked at him to see what the hold up was, but you just caught his eye as his gaze was already fixed on you. Your heart started pounding in your chest because you knew what was coming.

“You know, we could go on an actual date some time.” Brian suggested, breaking the silence. You closed your eyes, almost wincing at the words. He was generally more subtle than this, but the same idea had been brought up before. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Brian. In general, you did, and in the honest depths of your soul, it was as more than a friend. But, every time it came down to this subject, you panicked. You had never been serious with anyone and the thought of dating was completely foreign to you. You had messed around with some guys before but you never had feelings for them. You didn’t know how to depend on another person, to have an actual relationship with them.

I had no choice but to hear you

You stated your case time and again

I thought about it

You sighed, your eyes still closed. You didn’t know what to tell him. Before, he always left it as more of a hint and it was easier to dodge. Now he was just coming out and saying it. Basically asking you out, so you would actually have to turn him down this time. The terrible thing was, you didn’t really want to. The conscious side of you wanted to agree and go out with him, on a proper date. But your subconscious kicked you into fight or flight mode and if you weren’t in the middle of a field, you might have picked flight and walked away. But that didn’t seem to be an option.

“Look, Johnson. It’s not that easy. Just...don’t waste your time on me.”

“I’m already wasting my time on you.” He pointed out, but when you took a peek at him, he didn’t seem upset about it. He was actually grinning about it. “We’re already wasting our time out here. Or at the library, or under the bleachers… So why not like, a movie theater or dinner, or my house?”

“Oh yeah, your mom would love having me around.” You joked, humorlessly. The smattering of times you had met Brian’s mother hadn’t gone swimmingly. You could read the derision in her voice and knew she did not approve of her good little baby hanging out with a ne’er-do-well like you.

“She’d come around. You’re different once someone actually gets to know you.” He meant it as a compliment, but you took it as your out.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You leapt up, indignantly and he just gaped at you like a fish out of water.

“I didn’t mean anything bad by it, I swear!” He put his hands up defensively as you looked down at him. “Forget it, I’m sorry.” You had victory, he dropped the subject and your friendship could last another night and you could try to pretend like he wasn’t right, that you two weren’t meant to be something more.

*~~~~*

You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that

You ask how my day was

For the most part, working at Bert’s auto shop felt worthwhile and valuable. Other days, it chewed you up and spit you out. It was hard being in such a masculine environment and not fitting into that type. Customers (mostly men, but even the women too) thought that you were less knowledgeable and handy than your cohorts. Bender’s teasing didn’t help that image, either.

Now you slid into the booth at Gino’s pizzeria utterly deflated and defeated. Of course, Brian took notice right away. “Rough day?” He inquired, pushing a menu towards you even though he knew you ordered the same thing every time.

“That’s not even the half of it. Why does Bender hafta be such a dick all the time?!” You asked, incredulously but sincerely, diving right into your problem.

“I don’t know. I think he thinks it’s part of his charm? Maybe it is. I mean, we’re still friends with him.” You nodded at his point, but clenched your fists just the same.

“I just wish he knew when to back off sometimes. Like, he never realizes he’s taking it too far and digging you further into a shithole.”

“What did he do this time?” Brian’s gaze on you was unbroken; it made you feel important, like your opinion, your story, was the only thing that mattered.

“So we got this old guy in the shop today. Beautiful car, so of course he was hesitant with me touching it.” You began and his eyebrows furrowed, already not liking the direction this was going. “And I’m trying to prove myself worthy to work on this car, even though I would just be doing an oil change, which isn’t like a big deal anyway, right? Simple stuff.” You looked to him to get acknowledgement to move forward.

“I mean, I guess. I don’t really know about oil changes or anything about cars. But I know you do.”

“Right, so Bender has to go and make a crack to the old guy about how they won’t let me near it and I’m just the secretary for the shop or whatever. Just a total dick move. But of course the guy believed him and laughed with him and sent me to go get him a cup of coffee? I mean, what the hell is that?”

“That’s not right. And you wear a mechanic’s uniform at work, why would he think--?”

“Because macho man Bender told him I was! He was more believable than me.” You sank back and put a hand up to brace your forehead as the waitress approached the table. You prepared to order your drink when she set down exactly what you would have ordered in front of you and walked away, promising to come back in a few minutes. You blinked at the cup as if it magically had appeared.

“I uh, figured you’d get the usual and you’d need it when you got here, so I ordered for you. I hope that’s okay.” Brian said and then looked away, suddenly embarrassed by the idea. Since he wasn’t looking at you anyway, you allowed your lips to twitch up into a smile threatening to break out on your face...but only for a moment.

“Yeah, whatever. So anyway, Bender…” you carried on, pretending nothing happened, but secretly cataloguing his gesture in your memory.

*~~~~*

The only thing worse than arguing with Brian or him pissing you off was him making you laugh. There were times that you would go home with sore sides and itchy eyes from the tears that formed while laughing so hard. Then you would always, always reflect on the hours you just spent together, feeling the warmth and butterflies tickle your insides and a nervous heat would prickle your skin as you thought about how happy Brian made you. He never pushed you to do anything; he liked you the way you were. Sure, he would drop hints here and there about how you should stop smoking or give you advice when you had a particularly bad argument with one of your friends, but overall, he just accepted you. And you knew how hard that was to find.

You had never been popular and when junior high rolled around, you accepted that you never would be. You found your own little group of outcasts who understood what it was like to be kicked down time and again, and now he had somehow joined that group too. You knew he understood how it felt. Even though he looked different and came from a very different social circle, he had been looked down upon by his peers all his life. You were guilty of judging him the same way when you first met him, but now you couldn’t imagine life without him. He was cut of the same cloth and you could see yourself in him, which is why you just clicked. And he was so kind and so patient with you. You tried to push him away dozens of times, to put up the barriers and the walls that worked so well for everyone that came before him; you couldn’t be hurt if you never got attached. Where most people gave up and only saw the cold, distant bitch you gave them, Brian always saw something more. He didn’t give up in breaking down those walls, and even accepted just being your friend. That made you love him even more.

Shit, wait. Did you just think about loving Brian? A crush is one thing. Having a buddy to fool around with is one thing. Being in love was quite another.

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

*~~~~*

Mercedes Johnson was all about keeping up appearances, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear her arguing with Brian on the other side of the door, about you. Again. You had known from the second you met her that she didn’t like you. She was instantly worried about the influence you’d have on her son; it was a common reaction from parents based on the way you looked and the company you kept. You would think you’d be used to it by now.

However, it truthfully bothered you more because this was Brian’s mother. You were hoping that she would be different and see the person underneath like her son had, or at the very least, that she would eventually warm up to you. You had no luck with either.

“I’m not comfortable with having her over at the house right now.” You could hear her tell Brian.

“She’s my friend, ma. Of course she’s going to come over--”

“I’m aware of that but you know I wish she weren’t. I would prefer that you keep the company of other friends.” The formality of her sentences while she was still cruelly putting you both down made you cringe.

“You don’t know her because you won’t give her a chance. She’s not that different from my other friends.”

“You have friends in the Physics Club, from Knowledge Bowl, Honor Students. You don’t need the association with a hoodlum like that or John Bender and I don’t know why you keep insisting on bringing them into my home when I have repeatedly told you no. I don’t want them around your sister, or even you!”

“Fine. Then we’ll leave.” You heard the door swing open harshly and Brian was motioning for you to follow him out of the house.

“Brian Ralph Johnson!” You heard his mother cry after the two of you. Brian held open the front door for you and you looked at him cautiously before rushing out. You knew you weren’t wanted there, but you were worried that he wouldn’t come with you. You were even more worried that he would. “You are not leaving this house.” Mercedes put on the most intimidating tone you had witnessed her use.

“No, I am. We are. I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t bother coming back tonight if you walk out of this house!” She was now pink-faced and losing all of the reserved, polished look you had seen her have. She had never been so...uncomposed.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” Brian said and grabbed you by the elbow as he escorted you down the driveway to your car. He immediately got into the passenger seat and as you sunk behind the steering wheel, you glanced at him.

“Brian, this is stupid. You don’t have to---you shouldn’t do this.” The whole situation reminded you of the many times you had been kicked out of your house. This was just another home you weren’t welcome in.

He clenched his jaw in response. “Let’s just go. I’ll figure it out later. Please, just drive.”

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole

You're so much braver than I gave you credit for

That's not lip service

“Your mom gave you a choice, you know. It’s not like she told you to get out. She actually told you not to leave.” You said as you both sat on the trunk of your car, looking out across the field that was slowly turning to a golden hue, both from the afternoon sun and the change into autumn. Neither of your houses were really an option to go to, so you just chose the empty field that you would look at stars in during the summer.

“It’s not like it was really a choice though, was it? I’m tired of her trying to control every part of my life. I need to start thinking for myself, doing things for myself. She needs to understand that I’m going to do what I want, and like who I want to like.” He looked at you meaningfully for a moment, but you looked away quickly. It was too heavy for you to process right now.

“That’s a big step. I’m really impressed with you for standing up for yourself.” You told him, and he gave you an appreciative, heart-stopping smile in return that caused your cheeks to flush. Your parents had shouted at you to leave so many times before, any time you were ‘inconvenient’ for them, that it was hard to relate to someone who chose not to stay. But you wanted to support him and you did feel proud of him today. You thought back to the most recent event in which you had been dismissed from your family, and how you had tried to take it out on Brian:

You slammed your locker and watched him almost jump out of his skin. “I don’t want to talk about this.” You growled at Brian.

“I understand that, but you need to. You can’t just--”

“Just what?”

“You can’t just act like nothing happened or run away from it...run away from here.” You had been disciplined at school yet again and your parents had had enough. You had a big fight with them the night prior and did not sleep in your own bed. The tiredness racked your body today and you were stiff from sleeping in your car. If it weren’t for the social aspect, you wouldn’t have bothered coming to school. But you quickly realized you weren’t in the mood to talk to anyone, and you were only making the situation worse.

“Like hell I can’t.” You stated, quickly turning to walk away.

“Y/N, don’t. Come on, talk to me. Tell me what happened. We can figure it out together.”

“There’s nothing to figure out, bucko. I’ll be fine. I’ll do this on my own. I’m used to that anyway.”

“But you don’t have to be alone, Y/N. That’s what I’m saying! That’s my whole point: I’m here for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to be, Brian.”

“No, because friends don’t have to ask.” His words scared you. Nobody had so adamantly offered to be a safety net to you before.

“Yeah,” you scoffed, “we’re great friends. We’ve bonded so much in the, what, four months you’ve known me?” You rolled your eyes, trying to make him feel uncomfortable, to drive a wedge between you. You only knew how to put up walls, how to run.

“You know we are.”

“Yeah, sure, right. Friends. Not like you want to sleep with me or anything.” You tried to drive another knife into him, to play it off like he was following you only because he had a crush on you, one you tried to pretend wasn’t reciprocated. “It’s not going to happen, Brian. So just accept that we’re not friends.”

He let you get about three steps away before you heard him say, “No. I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work. Sure, part of me wants something more, but...I care about you, Y/N. And if we can just be friends, I am happy with that, I swear. But don’t do this to me. Don’t try to shut me out or walk away or act like you’re fine. I know you well enough to know you’re not.” When you turned around, you could see that he had tears rimming his eyes, threatening to fall, which made your own tears spring up as well. “I am your friend. I’m not going to just let you go and do something stupid. You are going to talk about this. If not to me, then someone else. But you can’t just run away or sleep in your car or, or…”

“Okay.” You said, softly.

“Okay?”

“Fine, let’s talk about it. I screwed up again and my parents kicked me out. So what do I do?”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I...we’ll think of something.” He began to tell you, but you bit your lip and drowned him out in your own sobs. Everything crashed in on you at once; you hadn’t escaped in time. You slid down your locker wall and sat on the floor. Brian joined you and put his arm around you tentatively.

You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me

Thanks for your patience

After that day, you knew he wouldn’t let you go. You tried your best to brush him off, to hurt him, to land irreparable blows. But it was all in vain; he stuck by you. You admired how he stood up for you, for your relationship, whatever that meant. He didn’t back down, even though you knew he genuinely cared what you thought. He was willing to put everything on the line just to be with you, in whatever capacity you would allot him. And today, he had chosen you again. He had picked a fight with his mother and chosen you. He placed you above being safe and comfortable and at home right now.

“I’m sorry, this must seem so stupid to be complaining about. I know I don’t have it that bad, it’s just that--”

“No, your problems are valid, too. Your mom sucks.” You told him and he laughed, “But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t...weird to have someone be given the choice to stay instead of being yelled at to get out and that you’re worthless and---I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make this about me.” You said softly, looking down at your hands.

“No, I get it. It’s gotta be on your mind a lot, the uncertainty. Plus, I don’t mind talking about you.” He nudged your shoulder with his own, trying to be playful but you knew he meant that. He always put you first. You couldn’t help your next impulse as your hand shot up to cup his face and you leaned in and kissed him roughly. You weren’t entirely sure why you had done it. It would probably change everything and you couldn’t tell if you were doing it selfishly to feel like someone cared or to keep him around or because you truly wanted to. Of course, he kissed you back, and the feeling it gave you pushed a lot of those doubts from your mind.

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend

Best friend with benefits

What took me so long?

*~~~~*

The kiss in the field still didn’t mean you were “together.” Realistically, it complicated things for a while. You avoided Brian for a couple of days and didn’t discuss it when you finally caved in to your desire to see him. He didn’t bring it up either, even though there were many times he would look at your lips like he wanted to make a move again, but you never talked about it. Things began to look “normal” after about two weeks. You spent time at the record shop, or under the bleachers with your friends or in the library with his friends. He nagged you about giving up smoking and you finally listened, much to his surprise.

“What made you finally decide to quit?” He asked, looking at the nicotine patch on your arm. You shrugged, not wanting to tell him the truth.

“I guess I just finally got tired of you being a broken record, mother hen.” You teased him, but he just smiled because he was happy with your choice. The truth of the matter was, you had done it for him. While you weren’t with him, you wanted to be. You didn’t want to keep doing something that bothered him so much, but you also knew that eventually, your habit of smoking would cost time with him and you didn’t want that. You lied to yourself that you didn’t want a relationship and weren’t thinking about a future with Brian, but you were. Every time he helped you study or encouraged you to do your best, the time your parents were out of town so he had made you his “specialty” of spaghetti in your kitchen, when you drove him around singing songs together on the radio...you thought about doing those things with him forever and instead of the fear you used to feel at such a thought, you felt happiness. You anticipated a future with him, something to look forward to.

I've never felt this healthy before

I've never wanted something rational

I am aware now

I am aware now

*~~~~*

“It’s kind of weird, yeah. But they’re cute together, I guess.” You had just returned from a movie with Bender and Claire. You were surprised at how long their relationship had lasted, especially since you had hated Claire at first. You assumed she was dating Bender as a statement, but it had been over six months and they were still together and it just seemed to work.

“It must be nice to have someone like that. Even if they don’t make sense, they care about each other. It just must be a nice thing to have a relationship like that.” Brian looked at you for a moment before backpedaling, realizing he must have made it sound like he was guilt-tripping you. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you out again. I really just was complimenting them--”

“Well, maybe you should.” You cut him off.

You realized how rare a find like Brian truly was. He always put you before himself; he listened to all of your problems and knew when to offer solutions and when to just listen. He was endlessly supportive, and kind. He kept taking giant risks just to be with you, to show you that you mattered to him. You knew, without him saying it, that he loved you. Why else would someone go to the lengths he did, just to make you happy? You had tried everything to shake him, to get rid of him so neither one of you would be in too deep to get hurt. But he stayed, and now, you wouldn’t want him to go anyway. It was too late; you were both already in too deep.

He just blinked at you, sure he had heard incorrectly. “Wh-what?”

“I said, maybe you should. Ask me out again.”

“Y/N, do you want to go out with me?” He asked, unsure. It felt like a setup, but he knew you wouldn’t do something so cruel to him.

“Yes.” You replied, softly.

“Why?” He asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I don’t know. I guess you won me over.” You chuckled, but he failed to see the humor in it, so you changed to a more serious tone. “Brian, I thought that these feelings would go away, that you would go away. Lord knows how hard I’ve tried to push you. But...you didn’t and the feelings didn’t. I-I love you. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep loving you, I don’t want to waste my time with anyone else. And...And I think that you love me.”

“I do.” He breathed quietly, with zero hesitation.

“So, why fight it any more? I was afraid that I would hurt you, but I think I’ve already done that and you’ve stuck around.” He nodded in confirmation of that fact. “And I was scared that I would get hurt but...but I’ve realized that you won’t do that to me, either.”

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

He took your hands in his, “You’re serious? You really want this? Because, you know how I feel. How I’ve always felt.” You nodded in response, tears quickly filling your eyes, which was a rarity for you. He leaned in towards you to kiss you, for the first time since your conversation in the field over a month ago. He waited for you to be ready in every aspect of your relationship and you had never known so much love and respect before. It took some adjusting to, but he had pulled you in and made you fall for him again and again.

Just gonna tag my buddy...

@90sinequity

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 2

PART 1

Summary: PART 2  ! of Draco falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and dealing with the consequences of opening his heart to someone. 

Warnings: angst !!! but just a little fluff as always, BLOOD, violence, more crying, very detailed sectumsempra scene, mentions of death

Words: 4.9K

A/N: omg i can’t believe so many people liked the first one and to everyone who left me a comment, I appreciate you so much you have no idea plsss you guys are so beautiful. but here is part 2 and I hope you guys like it as much as the first oneee !!!!!!!! this one got dramatic. I’m thinking of doing a part 3, but I’m not sure and i also want to make it be mostly fluff so PLS let me knowww <3 i do not own gif. 

It was an awful feeling; the feeling of needing a specific someone to bring him a peace he so very much lacked in his life. It was a feeling of not being able to feel joy unless he had you by his side. He felt stupid and pathetic knowing he had made an even bigger mess of himself and regrettably of you. He felt more weak too, wondering to himself why he couldn’t stop crying and do what he needs to do without several potions or you with him to get him through the day. 

He didn’t want to need anyone. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want to need advice.

“Why can’t I just do this?” he cried to himself one night in the room of requirement, kicking something by his foot across the floor in frustration. He stared at the dead bird in hopelessness, not wanting to move it from its spot in the vanishing cabinet. He had managed to send inanimate objects, but not living things and that was only a discovery he was able to make when you were still in his life.

It had been weeks, since he left you under the tree, broken and in tears. He regressed back into to his old ways of lacking proper self care, of sleeping and eating, his studies being the last thing on his mind, him distancing himself from his Slytherin friends again. It was right back to square one, maybe even below that this time.

In Potions, he didn’t dare look at you, ever. He moved to a seat in the very back of the class where he would be hidden from you and could sulk to himself in peace.

“Mr. Malfoy, forgive me as it is none of my business, but why are you no longer working with Miss Y/L/N?” Slughorn asked him one day as he came by to grade his potion.

“It is nothing of concern, Professor,” Draco answered bitterly, holding back the scowl that wanted to show but deciding against being any more rude to authority. “I just rather work by myself.”

“It’s a shame, Mr. Malfoy, you both were my star pupils,” Slughorn mixes the potion around, eyeing it with a frown. “Now the both of you are falling behind. This potion is not passing, you forgot to mix in the dried periwinkle leaves.”

Draco never noticed how you would glance at him throughout Potions class. Of course, he was ignoring you and you felt that nasty realization every time your eyes landed on the platinum blond.

You felt numb, to say the least. You cried for days and days on end. If you weren’t in class, you were in your dorm, wrapped underneath the covers wondering why someone you shared so much love and time with had dropped you with no explanation. You tried endlessly to get him to talk to you, cornering him in the corridors, going up to him in class, but he would ignore you until you went away. He never once met your eyes, and your heart broke more every time you saw the coldness in his icy gray’s that made you feel like you didn’t even exist to him.

Your roommates and friends had gotten involved, forcing you to take better care of yourself. Staying up and hugging you while you cried. Bringing you meals from the Great Hall into the dorm. Brushing your hair when it started to become matted. Encouraging you to divulge yourself in studies rather than your sadness.

“Y/N, you are so much more than what you’re feeling,” your closest friend whispered to you one night as you cried in her embrace. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s okay to cry and be sad, but this is eating you up. Remember how strong you are. Remember the healer you are trying to be. You’ve helped so many people, inside and out, let your friends help you now.”

You nodded sadly, and finally accepted the help your friends had been trying so desperately to give you. You allowed them to take you out into the Great Hall again for meals. To Hogsmead for a fun day out. To the courtyard where you guys would sit and just talk. It was nice, feeling your old and normal life coming to light again even if it was just for a couple hours. But when you couldn’t sleep at night and your mind wandered off to Draco, you felt that same empty feeling of a gaping hole in your heart sting at you. 

There was nothing you could do or say anymore. The cornering him was getting desperate and made you feel weak. The ignoring was never going to stop. You didn’t cry anymore, forcing yourself to bottle up your feelings for him deep down into your mind, body and spirit to the point where you just tried your best to recognize him as a dream. 

Your brain didn’t know any better, right?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Draco sat on the floor of his dorm, head resting against the side of his bed as he twiddled with the letter from his mother between his fingertips. His owl, Aquila, sat beside him and enjoyed the loving pets he was giving her with his other hand. It was rare she let him do this, but he figured it was because she felt that he might have possibly needed this. She nibbled on a crumb of a biscuit he gave her that she had brought with her on her journey from home. Draco sighed and opened the letter again, his eyes scanning over the perfect cursive of his mother’s handwriting once more.

My Dearest Draco,

          How are you, my love? I feel as though we have gone too long without writing to each other. I must say, the Manor feels lonely without you and your father here, but the house elves have been keeping me company. They are quite entertaining, some of them. I do hope you enjoy the small pastries I sent with Aquila that the elves also send on their behalf. 

I know the pain you are feeling, my son. I know it wears at you and I am deeply sorry that I cannot change it or help you. Please do entrust in Professor Snape, as he is the only one who can help you and understands your circumstances. You cannot get through this alone.

Please also remember that you are just a boy. In these times of turmoil, it is easy to lose yourself in your own despair. You are young, Draco, only 16 years of life and it has already failed you. Please find it in your heart to locate the little several joys in life that keep you going. Despite your situation, It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there. Do not succumb, it is what he wants. 

I will always love you, and I hope to see you soon. 

All my love,

Mother

He felt tears sting at his eyes, clutching the letter to his chest as if his mother had charmed it with the feeling of a hug. It wasn’t, but he swore he could feel it. He felt sad, knowing she was all alone in that house, but suddenly remembered that his aunt was seeking refuge with her at the Malfoy Manor and his mother left it out for the sake of keeping Bellatrix’s location secret. Seeing as she was a maddened Ex/Present Death Eater and escaped prisoner on the run. The thought of Bellatrix left a bitter and foul taste in his mouth, making him feel even worse that his mother was stuck at home with that beast who was nearly as bad as the Dark Lord himself. He didn’t care that that was her sister, his aunt, she had no empathy for anything, especially not for him. He recalls her telling him right before he went to school, that he should be grateful and honored for being entrusted with a task so important.

As much as Draco wanted nothing to do with his tasks, he didn’t ignore them. He begrudgingly let Bellatrix teach him Occlumency, something he desperately needed to learn and was now a little good at. He had even tried convincing himself that he needed to do this. It was all up to him. He was chosen for this. He hated it, but he was chosen nonetheless. And he would try with everything to save his family and to make them proud, even if it killed him.

He ignored the thoughts of his aunt and his dreadful life options, refocusing on the words his mother wrote to him. They echoed in his mind, imagining her saying them to him. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

His mind wandered to you, knowing full and well you were are the one and only joy in his life he so deeply desires. His mother’s words hit him hard, to the point where he almost ran out of his room to go look for you. Almost.

But he was stubborn and still couldn’t pull himself out of the mindset he had boxed himself in where he thought being with you would be worse in the end for you than not being with you. 

So he went over to his desk, Aquila following him before flying up to the wooden surface where she perched herself in front of him as he sat down and pulled out a parchment and quill to begin his responding letter for his mother. He thanked her for the pastries, told her he would try his best in confiding in Snape, loosely promised he would fulfill her wishes of him finding some happiness, and gave her his love. He gave the letter to Aquila, smoothing the feathers on the top of her head one last time before she chirped and flew to the window and then out of his room and into the open dark starry sky. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

More weeks had gone by. And then a month. You were seeing less and less of Draco and for a healing heart, it was the best thing for you, but also the worst. He had even began skipping class as much as he could, not that anyone ever noticed, except you and Slughorn of course.

“Miss Y/L/N, may I have a word?” Slughorn came up to you while you were working on a potion with your friend. The same friend who had given up her seat to Draco who she now despised and regretted ever doing in the first place. She gave you and the professor a look before getting up and heading to the front of the class where she began to pick up vials and jars to store the potion.

“Of course, Professor,” you answer with a polite smile.

“I spoke to Mr. Malfoy about a month ago, he seemed rather distraught,” he began, placing a finger over his chin in thought. “I’m beginning to grow worried of the boy! Is there a reason he’s no longer showing up to class?”

You swallowed thickly before responding, “your guess is as good as mine, Professor.”

“Ah, well, one mustn’t pry too much,” he says. “Also, I’m pleased to see your marks improving in the last couple weeks. Keep up the good work, Miss Y/L/N.”

And with that the professor turned around and left to go check on other students, your friend returning.

“What’d he want?” She asked, setting the supplies down on the table.

“Wanted to know about, Mr. Malfoy,” you mocked quietly, your voice turning bitter when the name left your lips. 

You knew Draco’s disappearance was your fault and you felt that twang of hurt beat against your chest thinking about it. That whole conversation with the Professor killed your entire mood. It wasn’t great to begin with, but the feeling of nothing had turned into hurt. 

You were roughly stirring the cauldron, preparing to put the nearly finished potion into the two large jars so it could sit overnight. They were right beside your arm and you felt your elbow collide with the glasses, cringing internally when you heard them crash onto the ground and shatter. Luckily there was nothing in them, but you had still made a mess of glass. In your heat of embarrassment and with the people are you now staring at you, you forgot you could easily clean up your mess with magic so like a klutz, you instead bent down to pick up the shards of glass that scattered the floor with your bare hands.

A loud gasp left your mouth as you began to pick them up, feeling the largest piece of glass in your palm deeply slash the skin of your hand. You dropped it, feeling the blood begin to drip down your arms and onto the floor.

“Oh no, Y/N,” your friend sighed from above you, gripping onto your other arm and lifting you up. “Are you okay?”

The question was meant for your hand, but you felt it hit your soul just as it did whenever someone asked you that question when you were so overwhelmingly not okay. You shook your head no, the pain from your hand and your heart taking over you completely as tears began to trickle down your face. 

Slughorn came up to the table, waving his wand over the mess of the floor and fixed the damage done to the vases and making the small puddle of blood disappear.

“Class is dismissed, students, you are free to go to the Great Hall for lunch,” Slughorn announced and everyone quickly packed up their things and hurried out except for you and your friend. The full-bellied Professor watched you with concern and you turned to your friend where she took your hand in hers and placed it palm up for you.

You shuddered, bringing up your wand to the cut and simply thought your healing spell before watching it completely fade into a faint light pink scar.

“I’m going to explain to Slughorn what happened and put away our stuff,” she says to you, a sad glint in her eyes. “Go clean yourself up and I’ll meet you at our table for lunch with everyone when you’re done.”

You could only pathetically nod before you slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged off into the direction of a bathroom. You decided to go up to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, wanting to be alone from everyone so you could clean yourself up in peace and also have a meltdown. You didn’t know why you wanted to torture yourself with the ghosted memories you shared with Draco in that bathroom, but you still went. 

You took your time getting there and you were only down the hall when you saw the entrance. It was then when you heard a familiar ghastly screaming and wailing. It was horribly loud.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!”

Moaning Myrtle floated from the large wooden double doors, screaming so loud it ricocheted off all the walls of the now deathly silent castle. You felt all the blood drain from your face as an awful and sickening feeling had bubbled in your stomach.

“It better not be Draco,” you said to yourself, your legs taking longer strides towards the bathroom. “Please, don’t let it be Draco.”

By now, you were sprinting towards the end of the corridor, throwing your bag to the floor as soon as you reached the doors and flung yourself through and into the destroyed bathroom, stepping into a pool of water that had streaks of crimson red. Your eyes followed the trail of blood, stopping suddenly when you found the source.

A blood-curdling scream twice as loud and stronger than Myrtle’s, left your throat as you tripped over your own feet to reach him. You saw Harry Potter, standing a little ways by the door, a panicked and pained look in his eyes as he tried to understand what he had just done. 

Once you reached Draco’s nearly lifeless body covered in angry red gashes, you fell next to him, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time in ages. He was breathing raggedly in choked grunts, clutching at his mauled chest as he struggled to breath. The stormy eyes you loved so much were clouded in fear. Nothing but fear.

You shoved your hand into your pocket, searching for your wand and pulled it out hastily. You shakily waved it over his cuts, thinking and saying any spell you knew that came to your mind in the matter of 5 seconds. This was what you did. This was all you did. Why couldn’t you heal him? None of your spells worked.

“I, I can’t heal you,” you sobbed, resorting to putting your hands over his chest at a failing attempt to stop the bleeding. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“n...o,” Draco said weakly and quietly. He mustered up all his remaining strength and placed a bloodied hand over yours, you grabbed it tightly and leaned over him when you realized he was trying to speak. “S-sorry. lo...ve. y...ou.”

It felt like there was a knife in your chest being repeatedly stabbed into your heart and twisted. His eyes closed and you cried harder, knowing you were going to lose him. Everything was happening so fast. You had only been in the bathroom a solid 10 seconds, everything around you moving in a slow blur but so quickly.

It was as if Merlin had answered your pleas, the sound of the door slammed open and a maddened looking Snape rushed inside, pushing Harry roughly to the side and looking down at Draco and then you only momentarily before dropping to his knees beside him and opposite of you.

“Vulnera sanentur,” he began running his wand over the cuts on Draco’s chest and you watched with wide teary eyes as the blood pooling around you began to retreat back into the wounds. He said it again, and once the blood was back in, the cuts began to close. He chanted it one last time, and the cuts had healed into thick and reddened scars. “Miss Y/L/N, please help Draco over to the hospital wing for some dittany, and quickly please. We might be able to help with the scarring, perhaps avoid it completely. I need to deal with, Potter.”

Draco was half conscious, a dazed and confused look in the gray of his eyes as they fluttered open and closed. You noticed the scar beginning to form on his paled face and you bit back a sob. You knew if that scar stayed there, it would only drive him into a deeper hatred for himself.

You quickly got up, Snape picking up Draco and throwing his arm over your shoulders so that you would be able to help him over to the hospital wing which luckily happened to be a hall away from the bathroom. The adrenaline and sheer love for the boy was pumping through your body which had made you feel stronger in basically carrying Draco through the halls. He was dragging his feet, mumbling incoherently and you couldn’t stop crying.

You saw the doors to the hospital wing open, Madam Pomfrey staring at the scene heading towards her in horror. 

“DITTANY!” you called to her. She threw open the doors wider, nodding before she ran back inside in a hurry. A passing seventh year Hufflepuff had dropped all of his books and his bag and linked arms with Draco’s free side, helping you take him inside with much more ease. Madam Pomfrey yelled to rest Draco on the nearest bed and she quickly returned with the dittany, shooing the both of you away from him.

“I’m afraid the two of you are going to have to leave, immediately,” she demands, her hand reaching up to grab the privacy curtain before shielding her and the love of your life from you and the prying eyes of shocked students gathered at the doorway to see what had happened. The Hufflepuff that had helped was already out the door, but you couldn’t bring your legs to move.

“Away from the door!” McGonagall suddenly appeared from behind the crowd of students, a disgruntled look etched into her aged skin. “Return to your house’s common rooms! That goes for you too, Miss Y/L/N.”

She gently placed both her hands on either of your shoulders, guiding you outside the door and out of the hospital wing. She gave you an empathetic glance before grabbing the handles of the doors and shutting them with a loud clang.

The lingering students stared at you in discomfort and grimaces. You looked around, still in a daze and then looked down at your body. You were drenched in blood and water, looking straight out of a horror movie and closely resembling the clothing of the Bloody Baron, Slytherin’s house ghost.

Everything still felt quiet and slow. You didn’t even notice your friends rushing towards you in hysterics, throwing you in hugs as you only stood there, unable to react. You let them pull you away, leading you to your house’s common room, tripping every now and then. You caught a glimpse of Moaning Myrtle in the distance, her cries still very loud and apparent. She had gone around the entirety of Hogwarts wailing the same news that had broken you, only this time you heard the new choice words she had added along the way.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER! HARRY POTTER HAS MURDERED DRACO MALFOY!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You sat immobile on the edge of your seat besides Draco’s hospital bed. Much to your surprise, Madam Pomfrey had allowed you to stay overnight with the fallen Slytherin Prince. You recognized it might be her way of paying you back from all your countless volunteering and because of that, she trusted you in knowing exactly what to do when it came to the medical field of the wizarding world.

It was around three in the morning, the incident having happened well past twelve hours ago. You were showered now and in a fresh pair of robes, your pajamas holding in your warmth as a cold draft flowed throughout the dark dimly lit room. The hospital wing was tall and large, it felt like a castle in itself, and it only made you feel more feeble. You scooted your chair closer to the bed, placing a hand onto the mattress right next to Draco’s paled slender hand.

Fingertips ghosted over his knuckles, your body shivering at the closeness of the near contact. You didn’t know how he was going to react when he woke up. It was all a waiting game, and your heart squeezed with anxiety as you awaited his regained consciousness. You didn’t forget the words he said to you right before he slipped away. They rang and rattled in your head like a pinball game on loop.

He had told you he loved you.

The thought of him dying and you never being able to tell him you felt the same haunted you. You thanked Merlin that Snape got there when he did. You also made a mental note to hex Harry into the oblivion the next time you got a chance. 

You sighed deeply, your voice quavering as your ran a hand through your tangled hair. His face glistened under the orange lamp on the bedside table, his skin tinged with a grayish undertone and his eye bags deep and dark. The scar you had seen on his face earlier was gone, the skin now just holding a skinny reddened line going across his features as if he was just hit with something. You smiled slightly, knowing it would be gone in the morning and feeling grateful for him that he wouldn’t be scarred with it.

His body was covered in a hospital gown and bandages infused with dittany, but seeing how bad his cuts were before they healed, you knew those would leave something behind no matter what. In your studying towards becoming a Healer, you read about the effects of dark magic and the marks it left behind on its victims. You didn’t know what spell had done what it did to Draco, but it was violent and radiated with darkness. 

The softness of his his skin was met under yours, your hand finally allowing itself to fall over his and you let out a sharp exhale at the touch. It wasn’t like earlier when you were holding onto him for dear life, rough and filled with fear and pain, this time it felt familiar. It felt warm despite the coldness of your skin and his. You shook quietly, another set of tears rippling through your body as you tried your best to not wake him. You sat up and slowly leaned over him, looking down at him to observe his peaceful features. He slept soundly and peacefully, his breathing even and quiet. Even though he almost died earlier today, he looked as though he was having the best sleep of his life. The sleep he gravely needed but seemed to never be able to get. 

Your free hand softly rested on his cheek now and you carefully moved your lips towards his forehead where you placed a long kiss. A stray tear had fallen onto his skin as you pulled away and you frowned, wiping it away with your sleeve before moving your hand up towards his hair. You smoothed it back, the soft blond strands feeling like silk between your fingers. He was a dream, an angel to you. You stood by what you had told him that unfortunate day under the tree, he was good, and you would tell him again and again until he believed it himself.

Just as you pulled back from him, a sharp gasp erupted and he shot up in bed, grabbing and tearing at his gown as breathless quick pants fell from his lips. 

“Hey, Draco, I’m here, you’re okay, relax,” you coo gently, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly in yours so he wouldn’t tear his bandages. Your heart battered against your chest, the waterworks in your eyes beginning all over again. He stared at you, searching your eyes and he began to cry too. The same broken and deep sobbing from months ago you had grown accustomed to hearing. 

He threw himself onto you, crying even harder as his arms wrapped around you, his hand on the back of your head pressing you into his chest. You climbed into the bed in deep shaky breaths so that you were now sitting on your knees between his legs. It was overwhelming, to put it lightly, both of you crying into each other as you remembered the fall out, the lonely days and nights, the wasted opportunities, the endless missing of one another’s presence in their lives.

“I’m sorry,” Draco chokes out. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought that by pushing you away, you would be safer, but I can’t do it anymore. I need you, I love you, Y/N.”

You cradled him in your arms, rocking the two of you back and forth, and you shook your head reverently.

“I forgave you the second I thought I was going to lose you,” you respond quickly. “Merlin, Draco, you scared me to death. I thought you were gone.”

The same words from his mother echoed in his head again and he finally understood what they meant. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

Darkness was going to arrive one way or another, it was going to steal the rest of whatever life he had left in him one day. It was out of his hands, out of his control. The time to live his life was now. Because he didn’t know when he would ever have this opportunity of love again, of safety, of light. Everything was undefined and unknown and he felt the anguishing regret of all his decisions when he had seen you in the bathroom hovering over him with a hopeless look in your eyes. He promised himself, to Merlin and to the sun, the moon and all the stars that in the 1% chance that he survived that close call with death, he would never abandon you again. His heart pained at the memory of him trying to sputter out his final ‘I love you,’ not knowing whether or not you heard it or if you understood how genuinely he had meant it.

The room was only filled with sniffles and shaky breathing, both of you still in the same rocking position, afraid that if you let each other go, the other is going to disappear.

“Draco,” you say, lifting his head up from the crook of your neck so that he could look you in the eyes. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t ever, ever leave again.”

“Not in a million years, darling.”

PART 3

[blackbat05]

I need a break

Shangqi x Reader (Platonic) 

A/N: I feel like I’m loosing steam towards the end of my placement and wow I have never needed a break this badly before. Perhaps a short Shangqi x Reader imagine where they are both University students. Seriously at this rate I’ll just be solely a Shangqi writer HAHAHA. Doing this on my phone because I don’t want to open my work computer. Let’s see where this impromptu idea takes me to. Hope you enjoy it and as always like and comment if you wish!

Genre: PG-13

Warnings: None really, just friends supporting each other! I guess there’s an inaccurate timeline if you look at the MCU but hey this is an imagine plus if you look at some of the wiki pages, Shangqi is actually born in 1998/1999. So appreciate if you’re kind enough to go with the flow to read this comfort fic! 

‘Y/N!’ Shangqi rushes to catch up with you after class. You made an effort to conceal your tiredness but he saw it right through. ‘Gosh…you alright?’

You think to yourself. Were you really alright? The answer was pretty obvious. You were ten weeks into your placement and your emotions were a jumbled up mess. Having to deal with work responsibilities was one problem, school assignments were another issue all together. At this point, you felt like you were just getting through each week for the sake of it.

At first, you believed that what you were going through was simply a transition to becoming an adult. You thought that naturally, you would be able to persevere through the stressful periods by yourself. But of course, it has been hard.

You were a social work intern at a neighborhood youth centre, thirty minutes away if you took the train and bus. The work was fulfilling in it’s own ways, but recently there were self-doubts filling your brain, if you were really cut out for the job in the future. If you weren’t, what else could you do?

As you sat with Shangqi in the school’s student-ran cafe, you found yourself pouring out the exact same concerns to him. Credit to him, Shangqi never interrupted your monologue, he just simply listened. That’s what best friends were for. That’s what you did for him to when he ran into issues with his family.

Even then, he couldn’t deny that hearing you doubt yourself broke his heart. He had known you since high school. You mostly kept to yourself and one or two close friends. Despite joining the school’s athletic team where you were one of the main athletes, you preferred to stay in the shadows unlike some of your teammates. That didn’t stop you from going out of your way to help other students in need; like helping the girl who was in an arm cast to copy the social studies notes, even if it meant you had to do it twice. Or maybe just talking to a friend who was stressed out about their results.

Basically, you had studied your ass off to get a secured spot at this university who were only one of the few that offered the degree. He remembers you telling him the moment you got your offer, ‘I’m finally good at something. I don’t have to worry anymore!’

Shangqi wasn’t stupid. The pandemic had done some crazy things. And by crazy, it affected the self-esteem that you had been working so hard on by participating in various projects and events, with you being in charge of a drama production that was promoting on mental health. That was a big deal considering that you were a major introvert.

Online engagement was never easy. In fact he has heard some of your struggles that you’ve shared with him regarding this and it only makes him admire you even more. For someone who preferred to keep to themselves, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, to take on a role that wasn’t just simply about helping people - that took guts.

‘I’m sorry I’m just loading you with all this. I just feel…’ You trailed off, suddenly becoming emotional again. Again, Shangqi does not pry. ‘That I can’t do anything right.’ You emphasize that you had ended the statement for you were unsure that you could keep your cool if you had tried to continue on.

‘If I hear you saying sorry another time,’ he chides, ‘you’re paying for our meal later.’ Your lips curved upwards slightly before returning to its somber position. Shangqi decides that a meal won’t cut it. He needs to deploy ‘Operation Y/N’. Standing up with your buzzer to collect the food, Shangqi whips out his phone. There will be a few changes for today.

Food was definitely a cure in this situation, but it was only a part of the solution. After inhaling your ramen at light speed, Shangqi tells you that today will be a different Friday. ‘And you can’t complain! It’ll be a weekend tmr,’ he tells you. So why not? You figured that even if you went back home early, your head wouldn’t be in the right place to complete the essay for your English module.

‘Hold up! The VR studio that Katy was talking about?’ You look at the tickets inside the taxi that was taking you and Shangqi to the location. ‘How did you even, it was so hard to get these tickets!’ From the time Shangqi met you outside the classroom, he had yet to see you so ecstatic. Until now.

‘Well,’ Shangqi gives his best shrug. ‘I called in a favor from a friend. Said that it was for emergency purposes.’ He raised his fingers to make connotations in the air much to your amusement.

‘Wow… just how much do I not know about you Mr Popular?’ You teased. Shangqi decides to leave the fact on him having to persuade the Wakandan Princess in giving him free tickets.

‘Please! I swear whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it! It’s for Y/N!’

‘Ey well why didn’t you say so? If it’s for that nice friend, of course!’ Shuri leaves the entrance of the compound, an exasperated Shangqi trailing behind.

Yeah, the VR studio that Katy told them about was also funded by King T’Challa himself. With stunning life like visuals thanks to Wakandan technology, the VR studio was located in a middle class neighborhood. T’Challa believed that no matter where kids came from, they should have the right to enjoy and to explore the world. For now, he wasn’t ready to share that he was on the way on becoming a full-fledged Avenger yet - you just had too much on your plate. He’ll just have to settle with this white lie.

‘Is Katy coming?’ You were on the verge of vibrating off your seat. ‘She would love this place!’ Even when you were struggling, Y/N still manages to think about other people. Today, Y/N will put her needs first.

As if to answer your previous question, you can see an equally excited Katy waiting for the two of you at the roundabout. ‘HEL-LO EVERYONE! LET’S GET OUR FRIDAY STARTED IN PROPER SHALL WE?’ Her loud voice had attracted stares, some very displeased looks too but at this point in time, you didn’t give a damn. Katy was right, it was time to enjoy!

You wished that you could slow down time, or even replay it continuously when you needed cheering up because the only thing you felt was pure happiness - euphoria even. Your stomach was in knots for laughing hysterically together with Katy when Shangqi jumped in shock from a surprise scare from a zombie. ‘I’m keeping that for leverage,’ she tells you, quietly slipping her phone into her fanny pack. 

The Wakandans had really outdone themselves this time. Your favorite VR was the paradise VR. Slipping the headgear, you say goodbye to the smiles of Katy and Shangqi, whisking away to a beach that oddly reminded you of your dream destination - Hawaii. From where you were standing, you were surrounded by green and majestic islands. Despite their sheer size, you weren’t intimidated. In fact, you were healing. 

Your mind was no longer in the room of the VR studio. How could it when the sun kissed your skin, giving you the much needed energy that you were lacking for so long? In the room, the two sees you kick your shoes to the side, going barefoot. It may have seem strange, but with the monitor beside you, your actions were perfectly logical. 

As a kid, you used to despise the prickly feeling of sand in between your toes. But now, you grew to love the sensation that each grain of sand had on your skin. It made you feel grounded, that everything was going to be ok. You raise your virtual hand to touch your face - were you crying? 

‘She must have been really stressed huh?’ Katy whispers to Shangqi who nods in return. How he hated the fact that you were giving so much to your work but still felt underappreciated. Forget the Avengers with superhuman abilities, you were the true MVP. The VR ends and you remove your headgear. ‘I’m ok,’ you automatically reassure them despite the dry tears left on both cheeks. You step down the platform slowly, trying to regain sense of the real world. 

What you didn’t expect was the two embracing you in a hug, squishing you in between them. Maybe that had set off the waterworks. For someone like Katy, she had sage advice.

‘Life can be pretty shitty right? But I’m so proud of you fighting it Y/N. Just remember that it’s ok to be weak. I mean, I’ve seen worse from Shangqi,’ she jabs her finger towards his direction, earning a glare from him. That’s Katy, always trying to add a bit of humor to this grey world. Calming down, you let go of the both of them. ‘Thanks guys, for everything.’ 

‘Hey,’ Shangqi responds, slinging his arm over your shoulder. ‘We’re friends, so we don’t leave each other behind.’ Phone beeping, he retrieves it to check the message. ‘And look at that, nice timing. Who wants Korean BBQ?’ 

Trailing behind them, you get an amusing view of Shangqi bickering with Katy on how many Soju bottles she’s allowed to order later. As San Francisco welcomed the night, you were just thankful that you had the two of them to walk through this crazy maze called life. 

‘Last one to the shop is paying!’ 

‘Oh you’re on Mister!’  

A/N: I really just think that this was also an imagine for me to cope too. So I can only hope to finish my placement/assignments/exams well! To anyone who does studies and work simultaneously, I fucking respect you (allow me to use expletives for now, these people deserve the respect). If you’re going through a stressful time, I hope this brings the slightest comfort for you and remember… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Again, thank you for reading! 

[harrysweasleys]

caught in the act // f.w

summary:  how do you feel about writing a request for professor!fred and professor!reader bantering like cRaZy at hogwarts a few years after graduation and things just ~happen~ between them both? like maybe they try to one up each other all the time or they just dislike one another OR they're secretly dating but try to hide it from the students but the students know anyway? i don't even care what it is, i just desperately need professor fred k love u BYE

warnings: flirty and steamy, mentions of food 

word count: 3.7k

a/n: OK so this idea was stemmed from a very long chat between me, @ickle-ronniekins and @wand3ringr0s3 and it has finally been brought to life! this was so much fun to write and i really hope you all enjoy :) [i do not give consent for my work to be reposted on any platform.]

———————————————————————

The familiar echo of the Hogwarts bell never failed to make you jump out of your skin. Especially when you were currently eyeing a class full of students in eerie silence, broken only by the occasional drop of a quill. Their practice exam required lack of noise to the point where you swore you could hear the movements of your ribs as you inhaled and exhaled. 

The ringing sound echoed throughout the class for a short moment, the students in front of you all placing their quills down and forming a line towards your desk, their parchment in hand and some of their faces rather sullen. It was only a practice exam, but the real deal was coming up in a few weeks and revisions were taking up a majority of their free time. You couldn’t tell if their expressions were from the work they just did or from the lack of sleep.

You remembered your exam days at Hogwarts. Long, dreary nights in the common room by the fire until the sun came up, your eyes burning out of your scalp from reading scribbles and notes all night long. Those really were the days, weren’t they?

“I don’t think I did so well, Professor,” one of your students, a fourth year Hufflepuff, said with a defeated tone to his voice, “I couldn’t remember the proper spell.”

You had found it rather odd that for a Charms class, the students had to do a written practice exam. It wasn’t your decision — but you surely questioned it. 

“It’s alright, Edwards,” you grinned back, “It’s not the final thing. This will only prepare you for the one you take in two weeks. Remember, that one is a performance exam. If you’ve got your wand movements down, you’ll be all set.”

The boy nodded, no trace of a smile on his face as he turned away and trudged out of the class, his overly heavy backpack hanging off of his shoulder. 

A frown formed on your lips as the next student walked towards your desk, a confident smile on her face as she handed you her exam paper, “Have a good day, Professor!”

You were about to wish her a good day in return, but a figure by the door caught your attention instead. 

Fred Weasley — or, rather, known to his students as Professor Weasley — stood with his hands in his pockets, his button up shirt tucked tightly into his slacks. His hair was short, standing up and looking soft as ever. 

He shot you a quick wink, causing you to shake your head with a small laugh before you returned to collecting exams. You couldn’t give away that you were, indeed, dating a fellow professor. You were sure, due to the countless times you’ve popped in and out of each other’s classes, that some of them were suspicious. But you could hardly think about that too much without getting paranoid.

Your students filed out of the classroom one by one, each of them excited to finally be on lunch break. You could hear a few of them mutter a quick ‘good afternoon, Professor Weasley’ as they passed by him in the doorway, none of them striking any sort of conversation, much to your pleasure.

“And what can I help you with?” you grinned, standing up from your chair and placing a clip around the stack of papers, sitting them down in the corner of your desk so you could remember to take them with you and look at them in your office later in the evening. You much preferred to do your grading and marking at night — you felt much more ‘in the zone,’ so to speak.

He walked over to you, hands still in his pockets, “What? Can’t pay my girl a visit during breaks?”

You scoffed, taking out a large stack of paper from your desk drawer and preparing for the class of sixth years you had after your break. Fred was inching closer to you with each passing second, taking strides with his long legs as if time was running out and he was trying to get to you as soon as possible without running. You stifled a laugh at his movements.

“Considering no one knows I’m your girl, I’d say no,” you replied, giving him a small smirk, “We don’t want to get caught like last time do we?”

You mentally cringed, thinking back to when fellow professor Neville Longbottom caught you and Fred at the Hogwarts staff Christmas party, your bodies nearly flushed to each other and his head dipping down to whisper in your ear. That might not be a giveaway, but considering the nature of Fred’s words and the way your eyes grew wide as you gave him a slap across the chest, it was a bit of a statement. Neville had asked you that night if anything was going on between you two, to which you replied ‘it’s late, I need to leave.’ 

“Well, it would be a shame for the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher to be dating the Charms teacher,” he said, a fake grimace on his face, “You’re only the most brilliant person in this entire school. I would be so ashamed if people knew. The highest held Professor, me, dating you, the lowly Charms teacher — a tragedy, really.”

“Oh, excuse me,” you placed a hand over your chest, stepping closer to him and leaning against the edge of your desk, “A shame, you say? I’ll have you know people much prefer my class to yours, anyways. Actually, just this morning, a group of Hufflepuffs told me they liked me best.”

The corner of his lip curved up into a smirk, leaning closer and wrapping his arms around your waist, his hips leaning against yours. You felt his hands slide lower down your back, giving your bottom a quick squeeze. 

“Hands off, Freddie,” you poked him in the chest, “This relationship has now become a competition.”

He pursed his lips, “Well, can the academic competition start tomorrow after we perform the, to kindly put it, physical competition in my room tonight.”

You slid away from him, shaking your head, “You are unbelievable.” 

“Well, believe it, love,” even though you weren’t facing him, you could hear the smirk in his voice, “This is all yours.”

“Uh, Professor Y/L/N?”

You spun on the spot, colour draining completely from your face. You heard Fred let out an awkward cough, facing the doorway where someone now stood. One of the students from your previous class was standing awkwardly, books in her arms and a confused look on her face. 

“Oh, hello, Miss Myers,” you sighed, running a hand down your face, “Professor Weasley, do you mind giving us a moment?” Your cheeks felt like they were on fire, and the temperature in the room was now a million degrees warmer than it previously was.

Fred grumbled a quick ‘of course,’ and made his way out of the room, turning to give you a wide-eyed expression before closing the door behind him. You let out a deep sigh, falling back into your chair, tossing your hair over your shoulder and looking over at your student.

“Did I interrupt something?” she asked, clearly fighting a grin.

You waved your hand, “No! No,” you tried your best to act nonchalant, letting your student take a seat in front of you, “So, what can I help you with?”

She began expressing her worries for the upcoming exam, all the while you tried giving her the best tips and advice on how to study her charms carefully and safely. You couldn’t count the number of times students had tried their spells outside of the class and had something go horribly wrong. No one wanted to deal with that again.

Though, you kept wondering what she meant by ‘interrupting something.’

You knew that she didn’t mean it in an accusatory manner — you weren’t all cozied up to Fred when she walked in. She couldn’t have seen anything, could she? Even if she did, who would she tell? Headmistress McGonagall was well aware of your relationship with Fred. But she was the only one who knew. You didn’t want to even think about the rumours that would spread if word broke out about your — to put it scandalously — affair.

You honestly weren’t sure what was holding you back from just announcing it. If McGonagall approved, what’s the worst that could happen? 

“Thanks for the help, Professor,” Miss Myers’ voice cut your internal rambling short, causing you to shake your head.

“No problem, my door is always open,” you grinned, motioning your hand in the direction of the door. She gave you a bright grin and picked up her backpack, turning to give you a little wave before making her way out of the classroom, once again, the door shutting closed behind her.

A loud groan left your lips before you dropped your head, letting your forehead smack loudly against the hardwood surface.

———————————————————————

The next two weeks felt like a whirlwind. Not only was the end of term approaching as rapidly as ever, but because your fifth years were rushing towards you every hour of the day to prepare for their OWLs, you were feeling rather happy that you only had a few days left before you were out of here. A lot of them seemed to get the hang of their Charms abilities, but many of them still seemed to be a little off. You couldn’t blame them — fifth year was rough — but you really wanted them all to be successful and to pass. Many of your students wanted to go on and be Aurors. A passing Charms mark was kind of a necessity.

“So you’re alright with overlooking the exam?” the Headmistress asked, her pointy hat standing tall on her head as her emerald robes flowed loosely behind her, the two of you walking towards the Great Hall, “You won’t be alone, but I just wanted to double check.”

You grinned, “Of course, it would be my pleasure.”

The walk to the Hall wasn’t long, but you were feeling suddenly anxious. You had poured your heart and soul into the teaching that you had done this year — you only hoped it paid off enough. You didn’t want to disappoint or let your students down. This was the most important exam yet. 

The Charms exam was tomorrow at noon, so you weren’t sure why your wand was in a knot just yet, but the anxious bubbles in your stomach hadn’t calmed down over the last few days, to be totally honest.

You walked into the silent Hall, no students present yet, and came to a halt as you spotted the redheaded man standing all the way on the other side.

“Oh, so you’re my ever so lovely companion this afternoon?” he grinned, standing up off of his chair and placing the stack of papers down on the table in front of him, his sweater clinging rightfully to his body and causing you to scan your eyes up and down his figure. He had a pen sticking out from behind his ear and you could see the pleased expression cross his face, even from the other side of the room.

“I suspect you two will behave,” McGonagall said from next to you, her eyes twinkling with some sort of amusement as she gazed between the two of you, eyebrows raised.

“When do I not behave, Minerva?” Fred asked cockily, shoving his hands into his pockets — which suddenly seemed to be a signature move for him. You weren’t really sure where it came from, but you weren’t complaining. It gave him some sort of authoritarian vibe, which was one of the many reasons you felt as if today might be a tough day.

Leaving you and Fred alone, McGonagall left the hall with a quick shake of her head, her little heels clacking loudly. You rolled your eyes, walking over to stand next to him. Even as you walked up the few stairs to the platform, Fred’s height towered over you and caused you to crane your neck up to look him in the eyes.

“Well, well, well,” he grinned, his hands finding their way to your lower back, sliding down so that they rested in the bum pockets of your jeans.

“Fred!” you squeaked, giving him a light slap across the bicep before pulling away, “We’ve almost been caught twice. Third time is definitely not the charm, here.”

He let out a low chuckle, his chest vibrating and his eyes crinkling in the corners. You loved the sight of him in a good mood, your heart doing a little flip in your chest as he ran a hand through his hair. 

You couldn’t help yourself, leaning up onto your tip toes and pressing a light kiss to his lips, pulling away ever-so-quickly, reaching up and pulling the pen out from behind his ear in the process, putting it down on the little desk next to the chair he was previously seated in.

“Ha! Gotcha,” you grinned, using your index finger to tap his nose lightly. 

“Oh, okay,” he nodded, hands immediately finding their way around your waist, “That’s not fair, love.”

His lips quickly found their way down to yours, warm and inviting as always. No matter how many times you kissed him, you never got tired of it. You still got the same amount of tingles and butterflies as you did the first time he kissed you. And that’s not something you ever imagined would change. 

“Fred,” you mumbled against his lips, a low groan leaving his throat as you tried your best to wiggle out of his grasp. You could hear the voices of students down the corridor— they were bound to enter the Great Hall any second now. This was not the position you wanted them to see you two in. 

“Fine, fine,” he mumbled, pulling away and rolling his eyes. His lips were red and his cheeks were slightly flushed, but he looked as dashing as ever. It was hard for him not to look like this, actually. Something in Fred Weasley’s blood just made him irresistible. You often felt like cursing him out, honestly. 

Seconds later, the large door opened and the room was no longer silent. Fred shot you a quick wink, sending your heart into a fluttering frenzy, before you turned to face the oncoming group. 

“Good morning!” you announced with a somehow steady voice, “Everyone find your seat so we can begin!” 

It took a few minutes, but eventually the group each found their assigned desks and sat down, taking out their quills and parchment. 

“You have two hours,” Fred clapped his hands together, echoing loudly throughout the room, “And the two of us will be here if you have any questions. The lovely Professor Y/L/N has volunteered to keep me company, probably because she finds me irresistible—” you rolled your eyes, “—but we’ll both answer any questions you have.” 

You looked to the ground, hair falling into your face as you bit your tongue, holding back any snarky remarks towards your idiotic boyfriend. He really wasn’t helping the whole ‘lowkey’ aspect to your relationship.

“Does anyone have any questions before we start?” he asked, lifting his left arm to check the watch on his wrist. You finally peered back up, gazing over at the large clock that was sitting behind you. You immediately regretted not bringing a cup of tea or a snack, but the two hours were bound to fly by. This wasn’t your first time overlooking an exam period, and each time you’ve done this before, it’s never felt like it was dragging on.

“Good luck everyone!” you called out with a smile, clapping your hands together. They all began scribbling away as you finished your sentence, the scratching sound being the only noise you could hear as any previous chatter had now completely ceased. 

You walked slowly over to Fred, your hands crossed over your chest as you raised an eyebrow, “Really smooth, you know? Nearly gave us away, you did.”

He shrugged, giving you a lopsided grin, “Oh, come on. Pretty sure half this lot know we’re together anyways. They may be younger, but they’re not completely dim-witted.”

Scoffing and turning your back to the group to face him better, you tried your best to give Fred a serious glare, “None of them are dim-witted, Fred. I’m just saying it would be nice to avoid the drama that comes with public teacher relationships.”

You took a step back as he took one towards you, trying your best to maintain some sort of professional distance. The students might be busy with their work, but that didn’t mean they were blind to the two Professors standing watch at the front of the room. 

“I gotta admit, love,” he nodded his head, lowering his voice and leaning in, “the sneaking around has been rather fun.”

His voice sent shivers down your body, goosebumps rising on your skin. You forgot how to breathe for a second, quickly trying your best to regain your composure so the students didn’t see you looking like a fish out of water. 

You let out a low cough, clearing your throat and nodding, “It has, hasn’t it?”

The grin on his face was practically contagious, causing the corners of your own lips to turn up before lifting a hand to toss your hair out of your face. You gazed up at him, running your tongue over your bottom lip before pulling it between your teeth, shooting him a wink in the process.

You could see the way his eyes were drawn to your every move, looking at your lips as if in some sort of trance. It caused a little sense of pride to blossom in your chest, to be honest. Fred was often the one who had you locked in a permanent dreamy state. It wasn’t everyday that you had the upper hand.

“Not bloody fair,” he tossed his head back, “Y’know how badly that makes me want to kiss you.”

You smirked, giving him a quick shrug of your shoulders and turning away, swaying your hips as you walked over to the chair that was a few feet away, sitting down comfortably and giving him another wink. You could tell his gaze was on your hips as you walked away — the darker tone in his eyes now locked on you.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

———————————————————————

“You’re a real piece of work, y’know?” he groaned in your ear, leaning over you as you organized the pile of recently collected exams, making sure that Fred’s proximity wasn’t a distraction. You weren’t being overly successful at that last part, though. You could smell his cologne and the warmth of his skin as he stood mere inches away, knowing damn well that he was causing you to stutter in your work.

You had been teasing Fred the entire exam period, sending him winks and lingering looks, even being bold enough to run your hand through his hair at one point, making sure to rake your nails lightly down the nape of his neck, enough to cause his body to erupt in goosebumps. He gave you a stern look after that, letting you know that he was now completely and utterly under your charm. 

“Am I? Well, this is a competition, if you remember correctly. I think I won.” you spun around, leaning against the desk, a teasing look on your face. 

“Oh, you definitely won,” his hands slid around your waist, delicately but firmly. He had a way with body language that was unmatched, you had to admit. 

Taking a step closer to you and pulling your body closer to his, he dipped his head and began to pepper your jaw with light kisses.

“Fred,” you giggled, weakly attempting to push him away, “Not right now.”

He groaned against your neck, his lips continuing to press kisses along your skin. It was rendering your mind nearly completely blank, but you tried your best to stay focused, to make sure that you guys wouldn’t get caught and ruin the secrecy aspect to your hidden romance. Plus, you really didn’t want McGonagall to catch you in such a scandalous position. 

“Honestly, do you have no self control?” you asked, successfully pushing him away. You missed the warmth of his body pressed against yours, but you had a feeling you’d be getting a lot of that tonight so you weren’t too upset about it. He’d more than make up for it in a few hours.

“Not around you, love,” he grinned, running a hand through his hair. You wished you were the one doing it instead, but once again, you had a feeling you’d be doing that quite a bit tonight, so you figured you’d wait until you could do it with no worries of anyone cutting in. He loved the feeling of your hands running through his hair, delicately giving little tugs every now and then. 

You let out a laugh, shaking your head as you picked up the pile of finished exams, “You’re too much.” 

Fred followed closely after you as you made your way towards the exit of the Hall, his hands empty but he kept them to himself this time, “But you love me, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

———————————————————————

After having been empty this afternoon, the Great Hall was now bustling with life. The four house tables were filled with students and food, echoes of distant and nearby conversations reverberating around the crowded room. It wasn’t a sight one could get used to. Yes, you had spent seven years of your youth here, and a few years as a Professor now, but the atmosphere of this room would never quite sink in.

Professor Neville Longbottom, who was currently seated next to you, was rambling on about a mishap that happened in his class that day — something about a first year Gryffindor knocking over eight potted plants — and you nodded along and laughed as he made jokes. 

“Can you believe it?” he asked, eyes wide as he munched on a potato, “He thought Mandrakes and Mimbulus Mimbletonia were the same thing!”

You let out an amused snort, “Kind of hard to think that,” you took a sip of your goblet of wine, “But I guess some people don’t have the magical knack for plants that you do.” You nudged him in the side with a smile.

He grinned at the compliment, the tips of his ears turning a deep shade of red. Neville was two years below you while in school, but his knowledge of plants and nature was way beyond you.

The conversation fell to a lull and Neville became invested in chatting with the person to his other side. You didn’t pay much attention to who it was, as your eyes were now trained to the other end of the table, where the usual seat of Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor was occupied by your boyfriend. 

His eyes were already looking in your direction, causing a heat to surge through your body. A lazy smile was on his lips, and he clearly wasn’t paying attention to the elderly Professor Slughorn seated to his right. 

“I love you,” you could read his lips, his eyes bright as they stayed locked on yours. His smile was genuine and loving, quite opposite to the teasing one he usually gave you, and it left your stomach feeling rather fluttery.

You bit your lower lip, fighting a grin, before moving your lips in return, “I love you more.”

———————————————————————

taglist 

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[littlesniggy]

I absolutely adore your writing! Could you do headcanons about Kizaru, Kuzan, Akainu, and Fujitora rescuing their SO after they were kidnapped by pirates and tortured? I just wonder what they would do with someone they love being tortured and pretty much being a shell of their former self.

Thank you so much, Anon!! I really appreciate it!

Okay, before you read let’s be real: Akainu will be a f*cking bad partner and he is an asshole (I’d still let him fuck me all night long). 

So, now that this is out of the way, please enjoy. I think Kuzan’s and Borsalino’s reaction would be pretty similar, but that’s just my opinion. 

Borsalino (Kizaru)

The weight that had been pushing him down this whole time, not knowing if you were okay or even worse – still alive – finally fell off his shoulders. He makes sure to keep you close to him the whole time, guiding you to the marine ship and making sure you don’t have to see any of your abductors.

He is unusually quiet. Where he usually has to say something he keeps his mouth shut, giving you comfort. The possibility is high that you don’t want to be touched though so he makes sure to give you space if you ask for it.

He makes sure you are properly treated by a professional to talk to someone about your trauma. Dealing with being tortured is very hard, he understands, especially if his s/o is not a marine and not used to fighting/ getting hurt.

If you want him to stay by your side, he will take some time off from his duties but will eventually get back since Sakazuki won’t be lenient forever (more about him later). If, however, you want him to give you more space at home he will sleep on the couch and bring you breakfast/lunch/dinner or some snacks in-between.

He will eventually try talking to you about your trauma and will listen if you are ready to talk but not push you if you’re not. Borsalino is a always laidback and knows what to say but this whole time he is careful what he says. He doesn’t want to trigger anything inside of you.

He believes, however, that you will have to face what has happened to you in order to move on. He somehow also expects it at some point, not to torture you again but to give you some sort of closure (though you probably will never really get closure). He is there every step of the way to support you to go back to a ‘normal’ life.

Kuzan (Aokiji)

Like Borsalino, Kuzan is making sure to keep you close to him. Once you’re on deck of the ship he will go back and make sure all of your kidnappers are either arrested or dead (probably frozen to death if they were running away). Once he made sure everything is safe he will come to where you’re being treated at and lean against the door, arms crossed and watching you.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable, he will leave but he would want to stay with you, keep an eye on you and make sure you’re okay. Like Borsalino, he will not push you to talk about it right away but will ask you way sooner than the other one. He wants to know where you’re hurt, what they’ve done to you but will stop once he notices how difficult it is for you to talk about it.

Once you’re at home he will also make sure you get the proper treatment and will stay by your side (or at least close to you) at all times. He will tell Sengoku that he won’t be going on any missions until he made sure that you’re okay by yourself again.

Even if you insist that you’re okay he probably will stay by your side a little longer. He senses that you’re indeed not fine yet and I believe you will thank him for not leaving you alone, all by yourself and no one to share your thoughts with.

But I can see him also having doubts about your relationship. Not because he doesn’t love you but because he is actually scared that someone will abduct you again. He is sure that it was his fault from the beginning and if it happened once the possibility is high that it’ll happen again. Especially since it is (now) well-known that you’re his s/o.

He is also pretty sure that this thought has also crossed your mind and he will ask you how you want to proceed from now on. It hurts him to see you like this but he would feel guilty for leaving you alone if you chose to break things off. If you did he would still make sure that you’re protected at all times, having at least two soldiers watch over you every day.

Sakazuki (Akainu)

He will remove every rock, every leaf to find you and once he does, oh boy, none of your kidnappers will be alive once his rage quiets down. He doesn’t care if he is scaring you (in the moment), he just wants those bastards to pay. He will capture their leader though and send him to Impel Down, just for him to be tortured.

Sakazuki is not a reasonable person (when he’s angry) and would want to find out if there were more people involved. In other words: he won’t be there to keep you company. He will check in from time to time but other than questioning you he won’t be an emotional support (sorry, for anyone else who likes him).

Once he realizes how much you’re suffering though, he might consider taking a day off to keep you company but that’s pretty much it. He is not heartless, he just thought you were stronger. He is in a relationship with you for a reason and in this time he questions himself if he made the right decision. He expects his partner to be emotional stable and support him. He’s not too great at it himself so….it probably won’t last much longer if you can’t “get over it”.

Though, like Kuzan, he will make sure you’re protected during your recovery and even after, having marines watch you from now on to make sure something like that won’t happen again.

Issho (Fujitora)

Out of these four he will be the most caring and most understanding. He will listen to you, give you advice and even try to take some of your pain away by giving you some normality back. He will tell you about his day, bring you sweet gifts, or just sit there and keep you company.

Like the other three he will make sure you get counseling but will probably be the only one to attend some sessions with you (if you let him). He’s honestly the sweetest. If you wish for more time to yourself, he will give you space but like keep an ‘eye” on you. He will know where you are even if he’s not around.

He will also make himself responsible because he thinks that it is his responsibility to protect you and keep you away from any harm. He will talk to you about his feelings as well (if you listen) bit make sure that he will always be there for you. He knows you most likely wouldn’t want any physical contact but his presence alone will give you some ease of mind, knowing he’s there for you. 

Once you’re ready to talk to him he will feel with you. It honestly breaks his heart to see you like this and he will cry quietly to what you tell him. The things they’ve done to you, how you’ve suffered – to him, it’d be like he was there with you, being tortured with you. He wants to hold you closely but understands if you don’t want to.

[notdonesimpin]

Wants And Needs ~d.a.~

daiki aomine x reader

warnings: kinda angsty, kinda fluffy. it does have a happy ending

synopsis: two people with a love for sports, finding themselves on opposite sides of the spectrum. One never puts in the effort and the other wishes they could touch the court once more.

a/n: its long haha :) self indulgence got the better of me. hope you enjoy :)

Being the second manager of Touou Academy’s basketball was a fairly easy task until Momoi decided to put you on babysitting duty because Aomine seemed to be too hard to reach or find nowadays.

You’d argued her down on why it had to be you since they had been close since they were kids, but you knew it was because she couldn’t do proper stats or research if she had to worry about him.

Despite your better judgement, you agreed, putting the team’s needs before your own feelings. 

The only thing you couldn’t shake is how she said that you’re the only person he’ll actually listen to. What does that even mean? 

You’ve only had a few conversations with him and most of them seemed pretty tame. You’d never asked him to do anything. It was only ever minor suggestions to better his game or to help him heal afterwards but that was the extent of your friendship.

He’d just known you since you went to the same middle school as him but you both lived in different worlds then. He was the ace of the basketball team and you were the ace of the volleyball team. Your paths almost never crossed with how busy and committed you both were to your clubs, but you both respected each other and watched the other play whenever you had the chance.

“Why are you following me like a lost puppy? Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Aomine asks, snapping you out of your thoughts as he begins to ascend the ladder to the roof.

“Well, Momoi has gotten too busy to keep an eye on you, so you can call me your babysitter. It feels more like I’m supposed to be your secretary, though.”

“You can quit early. You’re not making me go to practice. There’s no point if I’m better than everyone.”

You huff, following him up. “You’re so arrogant.You know, that there’s going to come a day where someone will knock you off of your high horse or you might just do it yourself.”

He shrugs, laying down and letting his eyelids close.

“Daiki. Get up.”

He ignored you, faking a few snores in hopes that you’d give up and leave him alone. 

You let out a huff, contemplating on how to get him to go to practice. “What will it take for you to start going to practice?”

“I already don’t go, and my performance is fine.”

“But your teamwork is shit,” you blurt, quickly clamping your hands over your mouth as soon as you could.

He opened one of his eyes, glancing at you. “I don’t need a team. I’m strong enough on my own.”

“Then prove it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s go to practice. You’ll play by yourself versus three guys on the team. If you win, I’ll stop pestering you about practicing or being on time. If you don’t, you’ll practice on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and do strength training with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Aomine scoffs, “You must be expecting me to win with your outrageous request.”

You shake your head, “I know you’re going to lose, so I need enough punishment to get you off of your high horse. Plus, we’ll have a 3 on 1 game every week until you beat them or you admit that you can’t do it by yourself. Do we have a deal?”

He sits up, looking at you in amusement, “We have a deal if you agree to let me take you on a date after I win.”

“Then, we have a deal, Mr. Optimistic.”

He jumps up, heading for the ladder. “Let’s go. I don’t want to eat too late.”

Your eyes widened at his sudden determination to go to practice, even if it was under an agreement. You quickly followed him, having trouble since his legs were decently longer than yours.

He pushed the gym doors open and all eyes went to the two of you. They all fell silent when Aomine began to speak. 

“Imayoshi, Sosa, and Harasawa. Play me. 3-on-1,” he challenged.

“Daiki-kun! What are you doing?” Momoi asks, looking in between you, him, and the three players he’d just called out.

“I’m just here to win a bet that Y/N made with me. That’s all.”

He jogs onto the court, getting ready to play and disregarding everything Momoi, you, and the coach were saying to him.

“How about we go to 21? My baskets will count for 1 or 2 points and yours will count for 2 or 3,” he smirked, passing the ball to Imayoshi as he got in a defensive stance.

“You cocky little asshole.” The match began moments later.

In only about 15 minutes, Aomine had won in a landslide. 21-5.

Your jaw dropped, “Daiki…”

He grabbed his bag off of the ground with a triumphant smirk, grabbing your hand to pull you along with him as he left. “How do burgers sound? I’m starving.”

You fell silent after you caught up with Aomine, walking beside at a leisurely pace. He let go of your hand and let out a sigh.

“You’re quiet,” he notes after a few minutes of silence, “Do you really have nothing to say to me if it isn’t about practice?”

“I’m just trying to get my thoughts together. I don’t want to say anything that I don’t really mean,” you mutter.

He nods, letting the two of you fall into silence once again as he opens the door for you to walk into the fast food restaurant.

About five minutes later, Daiki sat down across from you with a large pile of food. He hands you two burgers and some fries, knowing that you usually didn’t eat much.

“Alright, I can tell you’re mad at me,” he leans against his chair, looking at you.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Yes, you are. You have the same look on your face when I do something extremely reckless during the game or when I almost get hurt because I didn’t take your advice.”

You huff, “Why do you spend so little time practicing basketball if you love playing so much?”

“It’s no fun when no one is a challenge anymore. I’m the only person that can beat me.”

“Can you shut up with your superiority complex bullshit!” you snap.

His eyes widened. You’ve never lost your cool before. Why did you care so much about him skipping practice?

You took a deep breath and spoke in a calmer tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just- you claim to love the sport so much, yet, you subconsciously have given up. You’ve stopped having fun, but you don’t want to admit it.”

“Shut up,” he muttered.

“You hate the sport because you have no one to play against. Yet, winning isn’t the only reason to play. You play for your team or are you just too self-centered to realize it.”

“You don’t get to talk to me about the decisions I have made. You have no right to say that I need to play for the team when you were the best volleyball player at Teiko. You were the only person talked about as much as we were, but you quit. You gave up on your team. Don’t give me shit when you walked on the thing that made you who you are,” he sneered, getting up to leave.

“I didn’t give up. I’d committed to Rakuzan, but I got injured. They didn’t want me anymore. No strong team wanted me. Since Touou’s volleyball team is rather small since it just started last year, they still wanted me. That’s why I’m here. So don’t tell me about giving up because my love for volleyball is too strong. Everything I’ve ever done is to better myself and my team. That’s why I can have fun even if I’m beating the other team by a landslide. I can imagine how upset I have made you, and I apologize. I just- I would kill to step on the court right now. My doctor says that if I have surgery, I’ll be out for another six to nine months but my volleyball career will be guaranteed. I’ve thought about throwing away the rest of my career to play another season right now. Excuse me if seeing you flake off when you have so much potential makes me upset. I’m sorry for ruining our supposed date. Have a good night, Aomine.”

He couldn’t deny the way his heart ached after hearing your story or the way he swore that his heart broke when you called him by his last name. You haven’t done that since middle school.

His chest felt heavy, but there was nothing he could do now except to walk away. His pride being too large for an apology to fall across his lips.

It had been two weeks later and neither of you have tried to talk to the other. The team could practically feel the tension between the two of you as you sat on the opposite end of the bench to avoid being beside Aomine.

You were always the one to keep Aomine’s head afloat during games, so they weren’t sure what to expect without you quietly coaching him. They needed his complete focus during the game against Seirin and they were afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep his mind from drifting to whatever caused a rift between the two of you.

You stood up giving each of the players a pat on the back as they stepped onto the court. You placed your hand on Aomine’s shoulder as you stopped, causing him to stop and glance at you. He was going to open his mouth to say something, but you just gave him a tight lipped smile and continued to the bench and sitting by Momoi.

She gave you both sympathetic looks, knowing of the situation due to you both coming to her on separate occasions. Only Momoi knew how much of his play depended on your reassuring words and guided coaching. It wasn’t that he was terrible without you, but you gave him a purpose that neither of you realized.

The game has favored Touou for the most part, but Seirin was staying somewhat in the game. Everyone could tell that Aomine wasn’t giving his all, but no one knew how to approach him about it. They knew only you could bring him back to reality.

“Y/N, you do know that he’s started to come to practice, right?” Momoi says without taking her eyes off of the game. “He told me that he’d be there on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only because he has strength training on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“Why are you telling me this?” you asked, trying to hide the shock you felt that he actually listened to you even though he won the bet.

“He said that you put some things into perspective, and he shouldn’t take his time playing basketball for granted when there are people dying to even be able to do a percentage of what he does.”

You quietly nodded, not noticing the smile that crept on your face.

Halftime came and the team quietly went to the locker room. Everyone could tell how close to breaking Aomine was.

You refilled the water bottles and grabbed some colder towels as you walked into the locker room. You gave all the players that came off of the court a towel and a bottle, receiving a small thanks as the coach talked to them. 

You noticed Aomine staring at the ground, trying to keep his focus on the game. You unfolded the cool towel, placing it over his head and bent down to set the bottle in front of him. 

As soon as you tried to  walk away, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him until his head rested on your torso and his arms were wrapped around you. You paused, unsure of how to respond. You could have sworn you heard a soft sniffle come from him.

“Uh, Daiki-kun-” Momoi started, realizing how uncomfortable you looked.

You cut her off with a reassuring smile, “It’s okay, Momoi. Let him be.”

You look down at him, moving the towel onto his neck so you could run your hands through his hair.

The buzzer sounded to signal that there were two minutes left until the game began. Everyone piled out, but Aomine didn’t budge.

You fell silent as he looked up at you with a few tears rolling down his face. “I’ve never felt so lost on the court, Y/N. Please, tell me what to do out there! Tell me how many mistakes I’ve made. Yell at me. Hit me for being such a dumbass! I just need you to- just please- please, talk to me. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Kagami goes based on instinct, like you, so any movement that could give a hint about what you’re going to do is guaranteeing your loss in a one-on-one battle. Beating him is easy if you let yourself have some fun. This may be the only time I tell you this, but don’t hold back.”

His eyes widened, “Really?”

“Yeah. Don’t hold back and win this game for the team.”

“I’m still struggling with the team thing, but I can win this game for you, if that’s okay,” he confessed as he gets up, keeping his arms loosely wrapped around your waist.

You lightly laughed, “I guess it’s okay. I just want you to have some fun.”

“Can I kiss you?” he leans down, ghosting his lips over yours.

Knowing your words would fail you, you pulled him down, crashing his lips onto yours. His arms tightened around you as he tried to pull you impossibly close to deepen the kiss.

You pull away with a small smile on your face, patting his chest. “Let’s go before they think we’ve murdered each other.”

Aomine instantly picked you up, and rushed out of the locker room despite your protests.

“Daiki! Put me down!” you yell as the tunnel begins to end.

The team looks over at the sound of your voice to see Aomine carrying you out. They all let out a deep sigh of relief to see that the two of you were getting along again.

He sits you down and you hit him in the shoulder. “If you weren’t playing right now, I swear I would murder you!”

He laughs, giving you a quick kiss as the buzzer went off for the game to start again. “I want to cheer as loud as you can for me, yeah?”

You grin, “I’ll do my best.”

~~

A few months later, you were at the hospital, waiting to be wheeled back for surgery when Aomine bursted into your room with wide eyes and his uniform on.

“Daiki? What are you doing here? You have a game like right now!” you exclaim.

“I couldn’t play. I tried, Y/N. I really tried to stay focused during warm ups, but I can’t when you’re here, getting the surgery that brings you onto the court you love. I can’t just show up after it’s done and ask if you’re okay.”

“The team needs you.”

“The team is the reason I’m here. They’re worried about you, too. You may not play on the court, but you’ve been there for every single one of us when we needed it the most. It’s only fair that I do that same for you as your teammate, but more importantly, as your boyfriend.”

“Daiki…” your eyes soften, noticing the tears threatening to leave his eyes. 

He wasn’t typically a vulnerable person. This was the first time you’d seen him so upset since that fight.

“You’re here alone when you shouldn’t have to be. Your parents are out of town. Who’s going to take care of you, baby? I know you put up this big front that you’re strong, but I don’t think you actually want to go into surgery without a comforting and familiar face.” Daiki’s voice cracks as he walks over to you. His laces your fingers together. “Let me take care of you.”

“Okay.” Your voice was small. You felt all of the emotions you’d been holding in start pouring out as tears began to fall down your face. 

He wipes a few tears off of your face, pulling the chair closer to the edge of the bed to sit down. “How long until it’s time?”

“Ten minutes.”

He nods, letting the both of you fall into a comfortable silence.

“Daiki?” you asked after a few minutes of silence.

He hums in response as he looks over at you.

“What if I’m a part of the unlucky 25 percent that can’t play again?”

“Y/N, you’re overthinking. Everything will go perfect. You’ll be playing volleyball next season, and I’ll get to cheer my girl on from the sidelines. If anything other than that happens, we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it. Either way, you have me.” He bends down to rummage in his bag, pulling out a teddy bear and handing it to you. “I got you this to hold onto during the surgery.”

“Thank you, Daiki.” You grabbed it from him, wrapping your arms around it tightly as you noticed that it smelled of his cologne. Your heart swelled as he successfully calmed you. 

Five minutes later, the nurse came in to wheel you to the back. He gave you a soft kiss on the forehead and watched them wheel you out.

The next three hours were excruciating for Aomine. He sat there in silence for the most part, checking his phone for updates on the game from Momoi.

After she informed him that they won, he made a plan with them to drop by your place later to check on you and celebrate later that night after they released you.

The nurse rolled you back in and you were still asleep. 

“How did it go?” he nervously asked.

“It was a success! As long as she does everything right, she should get back to volleyball in no time. She should wake up in the next thirty minutes or so. After that, we’ll see how she feels and go through everything that you guys need to do for the next two to three weeks until her check up.You guys should be out of here in another hour.

He nods, “Thank you.”

Just like the nurse said, you woke up thirty minutes later and felt a little groggy. He softly smiled at you, rubbing circles on the back of your hand.

“Hey, baby. How do you feel?”

Your eyes flutter open and you make immediate eye contact with him. “I want to go home, Dai,” you pout.

“I know. We’ll be going home soon. You’ll be back on the court before you know it, too.”

“Really?” you beamed.

He couldn’t help but match his smile to yours. “Yeah, they said it went perfect.”

Later that night, you and Aomine were quietly watching a movie when there was a knock on your door. 

You look at him confused as he gets up and walks over to it. “Aomine, who’s here?”

He smiles without answering your question as he opens the door to reveal the team standing there. They all piled into your home, asking if you were okay. Some of them handed you flowers and sweets while others brought movies and games for you to do in your free time.

“What are you guys doing here?” you ask in shock.

“We wanted to make sure that everything went well. Aomine thought it’d be a good idea,” Imayoshi informed you.

Aomine cheeks heated up as he scratched the back of his head. “I figured since you brought us closer as a team, you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all. These are moments with you guys that I won’t get often after I start playing volleyball again.”

“Nonsense, the volleyball team and basketball team schedules almost never clash because we only have one gym. The only time it’d be troublesome is during tournament season. Even if you can’t be at most of our games, you can still come to a lot of the practices,” Aomine interjected.

Everyone looked at him with wide eyes. “Why do you know this information?” Momoi asked.

“I wanted to see how much time I was going to get to spend with Y/N once she was released to play.”

“Oh you are so whipped.”

[not-mandip]

Robertson could’ve been a good companion you guys are just gay:

Has no fear or sense of self preservation: the guy successfully negociated with multiple Daleks, and didn’t get killed! He knew what they were, and what they did, and yet, took the risk and proposed an alliance. He was even treated like an equal, none of the companions have done that before. That’s a raw talent there.

He can grow into something better: Ryan went from baby to man, Graham grew up closer to his grandson. Yaz turned gay (and do did half the fandom). Robertson can grow to be a more eco conscious business man, who cares about the people. Think of what he would’ve learned if he went to kerblam? To not employ ppl bcuz they fuck up your fully automated business? We all know the true message was to not use bubblewrap. Do you know how much money he could save if he switched to something else less plastic? TONS of money. The planet would personally thank him. And on Praxeus? Eco consciousness saves lives.

Solid Morale: gave a mercy shot to a spider. Thirteen would’ve let it asphyxiate to death (a very slow and painful death I might add), and let’s not talk about how she put all of the baby spiders in a room to starve to death too. Robertson knew better, he prevented the suffering. And don’t come to me with him letting Kevin die, STOP LYING YOU GUYS WOULDVE DONE THE SAME ITS A FUCKING 6ft TALL SPIDER.

Questions the Doctor: Robertson boi doesn’t do things just because the Doctor said he had to, he straight up does whatever he thinks is correct and he’s usually is right: killed the spider against the Doctor’s wishes? Yes, but it was dying anyway, he didn’t let it suffer. Tried to do business with the Daleks against the Doctor’s advice? Lemme tell you this: what was the Doctor gonna do about the thousands of errant daleks? Let em float around? Nah, Robertson gave her the chance to think of a better plan that worked even better than the last one. Kudos to him.

Proper awe at the TARDIS: are you even a companion if you don’t showcase in shakesperean fashion your amazement when stepping on the TARDIS for the first time? The fam was kind of flat, bigger on the inside, no big deal. Even Ryan seemed more impressed by the amount of buttons in the console than the engineering dimensions explanation. Robertson boi was full on confused, to the point it was comical. Perfect. I bet you he would’ve asked Bill-style questions if someone has explained to him what is a TARDIS

Has valid reasons to run away from his life: being a CEO of your own hotel chain, waste disposal company, security drones system company and being pseudo president on the side must be pretty draining. Yeah he might not know what’s going on in his multiple companies but to be fair you don’t really know what’s going on in your own piping until it gets clogged. Must be really hard on him tbh, and he does look a bit tense. He just needs a nice evening in a sunny planet and let go of the stress. And maybe build another hotel in space.

Has business smarts: this is pretty obvious, but think about it. Robbie boi knows how money works, and how it moves and influences. In theory, that’s a good quality. Money makes us not think straight, the guy knows that. Imagine the potential. He could’ve appealed to Edison’s nature in the Tesla episode, and cut it by at least 30 minutes. And the Orphan 55 episode? Well, he would’ve give some good advice to the resort owners and help them improve security, with Dalek drones maybe? Business guy to business guy. They would’ve been pals.

He’s a Rat but everybody thinks he’s hero: very Doctory if you ask me. Rainbow Brite has done some bad shit, killing an innocent TARDIS, for example, and is not afraid to let people die if it fits the cause. That’s pretty dark for someone who believes all life must be preserved, but she’s seen as a hero. And now to Robertson boi. He did rat out the Doc and her plan, but that ultimately ended up saving more lives than whatever the Doctor wanted to do first. And he was also a good distraction for them Daleks, too busy doing business with him to notice two humans an an immortal planting explosives everywhere. And he also helps the economy by buying companies and employing people. Yeah, he messed up quite a few times but so did the Doctor and no one talks about it.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[zangyo]

@tenkoseiensei​ said (inbox):

‘ nanami, am I… supposed to save others ? ‘ he looks at the other with curiosity and conflict. ‘ I’m not some sort of hero. honestly, you probably understand me better than I understand myself. humans… humans—-‘ humans did this to him and transformed him into something inhuman, but he gives up trying to express it and moves on. ‘ when you fight these curses, who exactly are you doing this all for? yourself? sorcerer society? the world? ‘ pitiful thing. he might as well be asking what there still was to love!

     THERE WERE TIMES THAT Yan Qing looked to Nanami for guidance, and though he didn’t see himself as some mentor figure despite others gravitating to him as such, he did like to think that he gave decent advice when asked. If something he said could help someone reach their own conclusions, then that was really all he could have asked for. ❝I can’t tell you what you’re supposed to or not supposed to do. I mean, I could. I could tell you to use those powers of yours to aid others and leave a positive mark on the world, yet that would not be my place to do so. Which way your pendulum swings is outside of my control.❞ They were still a curse, after all. There was no changing this immediate fact, and the innate nature of curses was harmful. However, such beings often sought out to do this instinctively while Yan Qing was torn between what he wanted to do, should do, or was meant to do. He had become human in a way that curses could not be, and that in itself set him apart from them in many ways. Perhaps there were times that the other even wished they could be just like them: merely existing, merely doing exactly what had created them in the first place…

     Feeding off negative feelings.

     Falling silent, he mulled over the other’s question, arms coming to slowly cross over his chest as he pondered. ❝Truthfully, at first, I came back because if one is good at something, then they should continue on that path. I could kill curses, thus, it made sense to do just that; kill curses. However, my mind would often go back to this time I helped a young baker deal with a low level curse that had taken to feeding off of her. She couldn’t see it, of course, but she had told me that she had felt tired lately and that her shoulder hurt. The curse had made it impossible for her to get a proper night’s rest, so the next time I had stopped by after ignoring it, I saw dark circles under her eyes and could tell her shoulder was bothering her despite the bright smile she wore. I killed that curse with but a wave of my hand, and rather than be fearful of me or question what I had done, as I left, she thanked me instead…❞

     He could still remember that time as vividly as yesterday. Her joyful words as she called after him… For someone who had been drifting through life like an aimless cloud, emotionally numb and exhausted, there was…something about that that had touched a deep part of him that had collected dust. If someone asked him how he felt in that moment, Nanami wouldn’t be able to properly explain. When you went a long time without hearing genuine ‘thank you’ for doing a good deed, to hear it once more was like an April shower of rain… ❝When I fight curses, I think about the people like her; those that will be grateful that a loved one returned home from work, that their child who was happily playing on a playground was not tempted away from it by a monster beckoning to them from the shadows like a friend… Even if they didn’t know it was me who made sure those disasters were prevented, that is fine. I know they would offer their thanks.❞ And that was all that mattered to him ultimately in the end. ❝Mm…forgive me, Yan Qing, that was probably not what you desired to hear, but it is all I can offer.❞

[meichenxi]

Hi!! I'm a college student about to graduate and my dream is to teach English in China and I was wondering if you could somehow help me and give me some advice. I have been studying Chinese during my years at university (and I love your blog!), along with my physics degree. I don't know if any of this is relevant but my level of Mandarin is not very high (HSK3), I study in the UK and I'm planning to get a TEFL 120 hour certification in June. Is this a solid plan? Love your blog, Isa

Hiii! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I have my final exams at the moment and am on semi-hiatus. First, what an amazing dream!! You'll have a wonderful time :D

SO in general having a degree not in English language and a TEFL certificate is most definitely enough to secure you a job, but at the moment it is a rather 'special period', as every job advert says, and so finding a job is a little trickier because of visa problems.

Basically, there are no work or study visas available at the moment for people from the UK. The only people who can get into China are those who the Chinese Embassy deems 'foreign experts' and therefore 'crucial to China's progress', and your company or school will have to provide something called a PU letter. This grants you the ability to actually apply for the work visa, though itself doesn't grant it. At the moment there aren't that many companies available who can offer that.

Because of this, I'd recommend going through a recruitment company. I do not necessarily mean a graduate scheme (the ones advertised as such are not very well paid and you don't have much control over where you go), but a recruitment company. You can find these on any general site if you google 'ESL jobs China'.

In terms of actual jobs - generally speaking there are three categories, private language schools, state schools, and international schools. International schools are by far the best in terms of packages, but they rarely take graduates without 3 years of teaching experience. The good news is that if you do find somebody who is looking for recent grads (if you go to a particularly prestigious university like Oxbridge, for instance), you might be able to teach Physics or Science rather than English language. International schools will also be the easiest to deal with in terms of communication and visa applications, but the competition is quite stiff, and most people who apply will be teachers in their home countries already.

State schools are another good option if you want 'normal' teaching hours, good holidays, and older children. The position I have next year is in a good state school that has two programs, the Canadian curriculum and the GaoKao (the Chinese university entrance exam). The main disadvantage is that you may be the only foreigner in the school, and communication might be difficult. I don't just mean with Chinese but in general: you will be not told things, you will be excluded, you will turn up to your class and find someone else teaching it and be told just to go back to your office. If you can be flexible and have an open mind, state schools are great, but they may be quite exhausting especially if this is your first time in China. You will also have to teach to exams, and the curriculum might be tight. For me personally though, I would much rather teach in a state school than the next option -

Which is private language schools. These are very good - sometimes. This is the main problem: the quality of the schools, the teaching, and the ethos all vary from school to school. You may be teaching very young children, and you may be teaching exclusively in the evening. The schools may be very supportive of creativity in the classroom, or you may be literally forced to teach the flashcards they give you. The plus about these schools is that they often have competitive relocation packages, are not too bothered about how experienced (or not) you are, and that there will be a community of other English speaking colleagues (natives and not) to help you integrate.

The reason I add this is that it's so, so important. It's very laudable and easy to wish for immersion and want to make Chinese friends - and you should!! - but living in another country without easy access to internet you are used to can be exhausting at times and even the staunchest believer in immersion is going to be stressed and tired and teary far from home. Having colleagues who want to improve their English can also be a good basis for a (somewhat awkward at first) friendship.

Some general tips: brush up on your English grammar. Seriously. Because the amount of teachers who have no idea and bluff their way through it is shocking and disrespects those who try very hard to make it a proper profession. Also having students ask you when you use the present perfect continuous and the present perfect simple and not knowing the answer is a very special kind of pain!! I'd recommend bringing a reputable grammar book with you, and using it when making your lesson plans.

Re Chinese: if you already have a little, your Chinese will improve so much when you're there!! Don't stress about it because China is a wonderful environment for learning - it's literally perfect, few people speak English and EVERYBODY wants to speak to you as many people are direct and very curious - but at the same time, the more you can learn, the easier it will be. Don't neglect your characters!! Learning useful menu characters and signs will be hugely helpful too. You won't need Chinese in your job really, but you definitely will in your daily life, so well done for learning and keep at it!!

The other thing I would say is: sort out your music and your social media and your banking before going to China. This includes a good VPN. You can't download apps on the google App Store, and to make the transition to the Chinese internet easier, I'd recommend getting a Weibo account, any music app, Baidu translate and maps and so on, and accustoming yourself to that before going.

Re where you are going and the package: you should have your flight paid, help with your visa, and transparency about quarantine procedures. You should also have accommodation or an accommodation allowance of between 2000-5000 (2000 is more than fine). Public or international schools may pay for your food during school-time as well. Re cities: prioritise what is important to you. If you want to save, bear in mind that China is extraordinarily cheap and that even in places like Shanghai, you can still save a lot if you live somewhat sensibly. To give you some context: I lived in Tianjin, a second-tier city, and I got 'pocket money' of 2000 every month (with accommodation and food paid), and I managed to save enough to do martial arts for a month at an academy after 5 months. And I was living well - going out about twice a week, taking taxis, eating out almost every evening (cheap food). So don't prioritise one position over another solely because of money, and also bear in mind kindergarten teachers may only be getting about 2000-3000 a month - so regardless of whether you earn 10,000 or 15,000, it's a) SIGNIFICANTLY enough to live very well and save very well too, and b) considerably more than many of your coworkers will be earning.

Also, different cities have different costs of living: 10,000 somewhere like Hangzhou will go considerably further than 16,000 in Shanghai. Another thing to bear in mind is the air quality, and the environment, and the access to green spaces. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS. If this is important to you, go somewhere smaller or in the south with access to nature - I nearly went crazy living in such a big city with such poor air quality. The positions I had to choose between were one in Shanghai, better paid and at a better school, and a position in Zhuhai in a campus in the mountains, in a third-tier city by the sea. I know now how important green is to me, how much I prefer a more relaxed pace of life, and so I chose the latter.

Lastly, don't be intimidating and don't be afraid to ask questions about your job. Make sure that everything they say is in the contract, in both the English version and the Chinese version. This is important because only the Chinese version is legal, so if you have a friend, get them to check that the same stuff is in each bit of the contract. Communication might be difficult, but don't be afraid to be direct and press for answers, don't just accept what you're told. You might be messed around with a bit, so it's important to 'shop around' for positions - don't feel bad if you do so, and don't be afraid to turn things down that don't suit. Finally, don't feel terrified if you can't find information about a school online - a lot of stuff isn't on Google, and will also be better accessed via WeChat or mini programs. Not finding information about your school or city does not mean it doesn't exist!!

So be prepared for a wild ride - and enjoy! If you have any more questions about any of this, please feel free to ask at any time!

meichenxi out :P

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

literally I was watching someone's playthrough of pesterquest as it was being released, and I almost finished it, but then I got spoiled for the fact that Ult Dirk shows up, and it totally knocked me off the wagon. like I've had it in my head that eventually I'll go watch Dirk's content, but it's been so long since I watched everything else... by this point it'd be kinda disjointed to even do that.

also, I was weirdly irritated by MSPAR in pesterquest? I found them so charming in hiveswap, because they were characterized as kind of a bumbling, overeager and well intentioned traveler that just wanted to help. but in pesterquest they get all know-it-all ish... it's reeeeeeally off putting. like I could forgive them being confused or disheartened, but they went a step too far and got all cynical and been-there-done-that, and gave a lot of advice that just wasn't good? as if they were some sort of expert or something. it makes pesterquest kind of irritating because you play as an irritating audience surrogate character who does shit that you don't actually want to do.

like, okay, Eridan's route, right? at the end, the advice MSPAR gave was basically "stop being an asshole" which is like... warranted and fair? but first of all, this Eridan needs different advice than homestuck's Eridan! and second, would a real asshole actually take advice like that? it's so... basic.

Eridan is a character that I'm not super attached to, but I get peeved when people get him wrong. in homestuck, the thing that Eridan needs, is to realize that if he wants something from another person, he has to try not to be a leech about it. everything is all about his perspective all the time. when he wants something, he'll ask, but if he doesn't get it, he'll whine and beg, and if people get mad at him for doing that, he gets all self deprecating and bemoans how hopeless his situation is, and how much everyone hates him. like he'll literally annoy one person into getting fed up with him, just so he can go cry to another person about his problems, and ask them for advice that he probably won't even take, because getting attention was the point, and this is technically what he wanted anyway. and the more people catch on and get frustrated, the more fuel he has for his "everybody hates me" pity party.

and the interesting thing about Eridan is that all of this probably comes from a real worry that nobody could like him, even if he tried. I mean, most of his friends are lower on the hemospectrum, and have a systemic reason to hold some sort of resentment towards him. so like, he probably likes Feferi because the two make an appropriate match class-wise... but he also probably likes her because she's his only friend that is more privileged than he is, so she can't hold his status against him.

also, pesterquest leans into that old fanon thing where Eridan is indiscriminately desperate and will date anyone. like... no! originally, Eridan specifically wanted to fill all of his quadrants! he wanted a matesprit (Feferi), a kismesis (Vriska), an auspistice (Kanaya), and a moirail (possibly Karkat). and not only that, but he wanted these specific people to fill these specific roles for him unconditionally and without conflict, in spite of their actual feelings. Feferi doesn't want to date him... she doesn't even really want to be his moirail because she's doing all the emotional labor and it's exhausting. and Kanaya had a red crush on Vriska at the time... the last thing she wants is to be auspistice-zoned! meanwhile, Vriska is becoming less and less interested in Eridan anyway because she's got her own unhealthy fascinations with certain people. so like, Kanaya wouldn't even be acting as a proper auspistice anyway... she wouldn't be helping to calm a volatile rivalry, she'd be trying to force a lackluster relationship to continue. that's like, the opposite of how it's supposed to be!

literally the only one of these that might've worked is Karkat as his moirail, because Karkat is amazing at giving advice, and dealing with difficult people's bullshit without getting sucked into too much drama. but like... that's probably the one relationship out of all of these that started from genuine charisma between two people, rather than Eridan deciding who he wanted to pursue based on a checklist of socially advantageous qualities. at least with that, it's implied that Karkat also likes talking to Eridan... like, both of them are getting something out of this. in all other cases, Eridan isn't even in it for the romance. he's in it to gain validation by living up to a societal standard.

it's only after our 12 trolls end up on the meteor after their SGRUB session that Eridan starts getting all weird about dating people other than the specific four he was already interested in. and that's specifically because there are now only 12 trolls left that exist. these people are the only ones left, so if he can't get a relationship to work with any of them, that's that. so basically, when pesterquest characterizes him this way, even though he still lives on a fully populated Alternia... why is he acting like that?

Eridan needs to learn how to actually put something into a relationship that he wants to get something out of. and to do that, he needs to believe that he has value beyond his status, and that it's possible for people to be motivated by more than class politics and spite. he treats people exploitatively because he expects them to try and exploit him just as badly... it's not just about fixing bad behavior. it's about him learning to put in work, and give another person reasons to like him, without feeling like a sucker for conceding any ground. the more defensive he gets, the worse he is.

and pesterquest messed up Jake's route too! what is it about hope players that stumps people like this?? I get that Jake is tricky, but jeez... I won't get into it as much, but Jake is always masking what he really feels, and the way his route handles him makes him seem like he's acting equally neutrally friendly to each of the other alpha kids. but then it implies that his true feelings are that he considers all three of his friends' romantic interest in him to be equally serious, and equally unwanted. that is... blatantly untrue. he knows Roxy might find him attractive but won't make a genuine move on account of Jane. she literally drunkenly told him so. and Roxy also drunkenly told Jake that Jane likes him. meanwhile, he also pretty much knows that Dirk had a crush on him when they were kids, but back then he kind of shut it down, or at least sent mixed signals, because he wasn't confident about having a crush on a boy. now Dirk himself is not confident that Jake actually likes him, and is trying to back off because he feels like his younger self was overly aggressive, but the AR is still as brazen as Dirk used to be when pursuing Jake, so it kind of undermines that attempt. still, Jake feels like he might've already come off poorly to Dirk. he does like him though... and he knows that Jane has a crush on him, and doesn't want to be the one who disappoints her, so he weasels his way out of addressing it. that is the deal with the alpha kids. not Jake just kind of bemoaning the fact that all of his friends are in love with him and he's not down for anything. so once again, we see a pesterquest route written on the basis of mistaken assumptions.

sorry for going on and on and on... I just find all of this so frustrating. half the characters are only the fan interpretations of themselves, and MSPAR sucks, and the meta is confusing, and... I wish it was good but it's not.

I love you for this ask anon, I never played friendsim but I did see a lot of people who tuned into all the friendsims express annoyance over the way Reader was portrayed in pesterquest. I can't even remember what happened in the Jake route bc I'm tired but it definitely could've been better.

Imo, best alpha kid routes go from: Roxy, Jane, Jake, and Dirk (half his route wasn't even dedicated to him lol rip)

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Explaining my absence yesterday.

//So I think I owe you guys an explanation. Considering I kind of went AWOL yesterday and didn’t really give a good explanation as to why.

//The chapter of the story that I posted that morning ended up doing really good and a lot of people have sent messages in regards to what happened in it, which pleases me, but the reason for why I wasn’t able to follow up on any of them the previous evening is very serious, I assure you.

//Oftentimes when I take a day off, I won’t go too deep into why if it’s something personal, but in this case, I have some things that need to be said.

//For some background information, for the last couple of years, my Grandmother/Nanny on my mum’s side of the family has had problems with breathing. She’s gone in for several procedures and was always incredibly skinny every time I saw her, and her arm was bruised from where all the syringes were. She also needed to carry an oxygen tank with her basically wherever she went.

//And yesterday morning she finally succumbed to her illness, and left this world.

//My whole family is heartbroken, myself included. In fact, my mum, dad and sister were all up in Liverpool for the weekend, but as soon as they heard the news, they drove back through 4 hours of traffic immediately. I only heard the news when they returned.

//My mum hasn’t been well for the past day since, and we visited her house with my aunt, uncle and cousins on that side of the family too.

//To me, my nan was always one of the most instrumental figures in my life. According to my mum, she had a big hand in teaching me how to read and how to talk; two skills that have become vital for me. Especially in recent years. She was a kind soul, who helped everyone around her and gave advice. My mum and my Grandfather, who had been married to her ever since they were legal age, basically relied on her for advice whenever they were stuck. But now she’s gone, and neither of them know what to do with themselves.

//I’m trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave face, and to move on with my life, but it’s difficult. Loss is something that everyone has to deal with, but for it to be something this important isn’t easy for anyone. Not even me.

//My biggest regret is that she couldn’t be around to see me turn into a proper adult. I’m 19 years old and am a University student, but I wish she could have been around to see me to the end. I also wish I’d spent more time with her in her final days, but due to COVID issues, I was being precautious and keeping my distance. If she contracted the virus, she would absolutely have died from it.

//However, this relates to something that I wrote once on the blog. Near the end of “The Fugitive” arc, when Kaede asks Kuripa to help her train, Kuripa prompts her to go and tell Shuichi how she feels about him. However, his specific line is “If you love someone, let them know it.” And never has a simple line been more relevant to me.

//Danganronpa Survivor deals with death and loss a lot, especially from the perspective of the protagonist characters. Makoto losing Mukuro, Kuripa losing Kotoko, Komaru and Toko losing Hiroko, Hajime losing Ayumu, Kaede losing Chinami Hasami and more of course. But real world feelings of loss and depression aren’t so easily put on paper.

//Which I sincerely hope that as readers of the blog, you’ll take this message to heart, and realize that death is a natural, but cruel and unfair thing, and grief is destined to come for those left behind. I love my Nan, and I will miss her, but all I ask is that if you have any family members like that, who you haven’t spoken to in a while, but want to, then you probably should as soon as possible.

//You never know if it might be the last time.

-Mod