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inkskinned · 1 year

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you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

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p4nishers · 1 year

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there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new)#yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO.#ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

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imaybe5tupid · 4 months

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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)

Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.

#laishuro #laios touden #i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings #as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes #but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred #not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life #are so compelling to me #and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons #and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience #whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that #when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know #this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night #sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always #but WHATEVER #i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol #which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga #so i became obsessed #and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf #and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ #now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life #with laishuro. and its great!#my comics

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liorlen · 11 months

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mon amour, danse et danse, on se tourne autour

#song lyrics are from et si c’etait nous deux #the song is Them is really is #wyllstarion #Baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #wyll #astarion #I’m just really feeling wyllstarion tonight #tho I prefer gale astarion wyllstarion is so……#it’s so #it makes me crazy #the lines I used are something like my love dance and dance we turn around #there’s a part of the song that’s like #I would like to touch your lips to mine but as soon as we touch it ends #even if there is an end to ‘I love you’ tell me it’s worth it #tell me why are you dancing #tell me that I dance for you #even if this game is dangerous we could win it with two #it makes me wanna explode things with my mind #also yeah sorry didn’t draw him w the horns #on purpose since I’ve gotten to the party several times without him having them yet #but also I just. didn’t wanna draw them. lol

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chickenoptyrx · 10 months

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....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅

#im living vicariously through the cartoon guys #because i want to A. pick up gator (strong man style)#and B. ..pick up gator (hug)#ok but so i recently found out an area where i take stupid little walks for my stupid little mental health #has! GATORS!! (potentially. theres signs.)#and this is great cause seeing gators would def heal me as a person #but ok so when i look for hiking places i always look north cause the terrains more hilly #but now im lookin south more cause turns out i AM in fact far enough south to see gators!!#and yeah looks like theres a handful of nature reserves w hiking trails the same distance away as the little mountain trails i go to #its flatter and the trails are less extensive so ill hafta see if i think its worth it #but then too theres a really big black water swamp that.. further away then i wanna drive..#but also i drove 5 hrs once just to go to mammoth cave as a day trip so.. we'll see..#my friend says he wont go w me tho :T he'll just report me missing #this has been a tag ramble about my sudden outset intrest in seeing a gator #my bullshit #lol barely but still #also- i told myself not to over do it drawin the scales or coloring it #and as you can see i dont listen to myself ever #lol they look outta place but idc i got to draw 2 of my favorite characters and also ALLIGATORS :U #living the dream rn

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ricky-mortis · 3 months

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Hatchetfield @femslashfortnight Day 2: Retro

#would you look at that- it’s another hfff drawing #incredible #some Hollowebby for the soul #I just really think they’re neat yknow #This isn't one of my favorite drawings but hey thats alright #that's cool #they can't all be bangers but for what it's worth it isn't horrible #anyways yeah #now i'm going to go work on Art Fight stuff #very exciting #I don't know how much I'm going to be able to do for it but I guess we'll find out #so much drawing this summer #it's crazy i've been out of school for two weeks and i've drawn like 10 things already #these hands cant stop wont stop #Anyways I love the idea of them skating #I'm a roller blader myself but the skates are cute #did some fun textures and reflections in this one too #I love roller blading tho #wish I could do it more often #fun fact: despite it's portrayal in minecraft- obsidian ranks at a 5-6 on the mohs hardness scale- being the same hardness as opal or glass #idk that's what i came up with for todays fact- i feel like most people know that one but idk #hatchetfield femslash fortnight #hollowebby #miss holloway #webby #hatchetfield #nightmare time #starkid #team starkid #kim whalen

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valentjin · 10 months

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i wish we could do this instead of killing him 😇

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+bonus shot that looks nice but didn't fit so well when put in sequence with the others

#raphael bg3 #raphael #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #cw blood #obviously if we could spare him after the fight he would NOT let that slide and he'd probably try to kill us again but yknow. it's fine #the 😇 in the caption was a misclick but i think it's funny so it stays #anyway mods r a slippery slope they give me SO much power... the power to put him in Situations #but man i gotta say taking pics with his cambion model is a time and a half because it's kind of fucked LMAO #the wings clip like nobody's business and they aren't stuck to his back properly so there's gaps #the hair mesh must have some issues bc there's spots around his ears that i have to strategically hide or blur or edit #plus his skin is so bright/vibrant that it requires some finagling to make sure it doesn't look overly garish or washed out #worth it tho he's so pretty in this form #charm point: his teef :)#my screenshots #mine

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sysig · 4 months

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Softly, slowly, I want to love you anyway (Patreon)

#Doodles #ISaT #Loop #Isabeau #Siffrin #Sloopis Sloopis Sloopis #Top tier polyship heck yes #Poor Loop :'0 Give them love now!!!#Kinda-sorta inspired by my Loop fic - that transformation had to be difficult ;;#The ones with Isabeau are deffo more Star of Your Dreams tho <3 Isa's so sweet weh #Loop honey letting people in is like The Thing that will help The Most #Always deflecting giving outs letting people off the hook at their own expense :'( Pushing others away is easier than letting them see ;;#It's why Isa's such a good boy!! He genuinely wants to know to be close to see the real them - both of them!!!#It's work but it's worth it <3 #And obviously Sif understands haha #If ever a pair needed some self-love it was these two like Sheesh #Loop still wouldn't make it easy hehe <3 They're just like that #It'd be so easy for Sif to accidentally hurt them and need to backtrack and it's worse because Loop would Get It #They understand each other so intrinsically and yet Sif still has - will always have - a victory that Loop never got to ;;#Even loving each other and sharing what they currently have it's still a painful reminder of what they left behind :'0 Loooop </3 #They really are fun to draw hehe Loop's eyes are so pretty ♪ And actual sparkles on the dark gradient this time! Yes!#I debated whether I wanted their tears to be visible - blotted out by how bright their head is? But went with it for expression reasons #Gods can you imagine how beautiful their tears would be tho? Little prisms splitting up their white light #Although that would imply colour lol - I mean if Anyone Would have a bit of colour it Would be Loop sooooo #Hmngh love 'em

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 4 months

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clara voice: is that what i look like from the back?

#15&ruby: smash/pass #15&ruby: whAt?#15: i take offense?#ruby: you wOULD?#15: well its different for me #ruby: thats YOU #15: exactly #ruby: so clonefucking is a yay then?#15: oh definitely. you wouldnt?#ruby: no but hang on does this even count?#15: what you wanna get the clonefucker jury out here?#call the council of clonefuckers official to judge him enough of a clone to be worth fucking?#ruby: you are... weirdly defensive about this #15: experience. you'll get it when youre older #ruby: okay 6 word horror story?#15: god i know right #ruby: but would you also do a real clone tho. one that looks like you #15: i mean #ruby: bit vain isnt it?#15: can you blame me tho #ruby: ...#15: Can You Blame Me Tho Rubes??#ruby: im not answering that #15: sigh. oh well. everyone always asks would you fuck your clone. nobody thinks to ask would your clone fuck you?#imagine the temporal road trip they embark on to play smash or pass with every previous doctor #what do we do with existential horror? we sexualise it <3

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lloydfrontera · 2 months

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i also like to think that as children javier and og lloyd got locked in a toxic cycle where javier felt like he had to. make up. for og lloyd's bad behavior. like a part of him recognized that his presence in the household was causing og lloyd to act up even worse than he already did normally and he tried to make up for the trouble he 'caused' by being as good of a kid as he could. and this in turn made og lloyd hate him even more because he saw it as an attempt to make him look like a worse son by comparison and that made him act up even more. and then the cycle repeats.

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #javier asrahan #og lloyd frontera #also. at the beginning javier's perfect behavior was definitely also him trying desperately to make him staying with the fronteras worth it #to arcos and marbella. like. he's painfully aware of how tenuous their relationship truly is and he's terrified he'll lose his second home #because him being there is causing more troubles than he's worth #so he thinks that maybe just maybe if he's a good enough kid if he makes them happy enough that will make it worth keeping him around #of fucking course sending him away was never even an option to arcos and marbella but he's a kid and he lost his parents #and he was left to fend off for himself for a good amount of time so he's just. scared. he won't be good enough to keep.#if he's anything less than perfect.#he would eventually grow out of that but the impulse to be a good kid so he can make the fronteras happy never really goes away #it just shifts to him feeling guilty he caused them more trouble with og lloyd and feeling like he has to make up for it #THIS IS NOT CANON I'M JUST MAKING THINGS UP DO NOT FUCKING @ ME #og lloyd was truly terrible tho that one is actually canon lol

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lunarharp · 5 months

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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc

#witch hat tag #orufrey #the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do #someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing #oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives #agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl #pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats #coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined #travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol #but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv #and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me #well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on

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shattered-earth · 1 year

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My TOTK Master Sword Pins came in! This is my first time trying double layered pins, the petals have some real DEPTH to them from the layers. It looks more like they are really fluttering away into the background. The two layers also gives the pin a very premium/sturdy/heavy feeling i didn't expect but in hindsight is obvious LOL

Comes with a custom backing card too, the pin itself is 3" long so perfect to hold and "swing" around lol

#totk #tears of the kingdom #zelda #shope #store #pins #zelda totk #zelda tears of the kingdom #sorry the price is kinda high but JESUS CHRIST THIS COST SO MUCH TO MAKE WHAT THE FUCK #more than double what i would normally pay #triple even #but worth it #i'm just happy to hold it #T_T #spoilers are vague enough i hope to not really spoil anything at all!#totk spoilers #i'll tag anyway idk i don't want anyone pissed at me #tho it's been like 3 months so idk ahh

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kacievvbbbb · 25 days

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Look I like Roger enough, I understand what he represents and I generally don’t think he was a bad dude. I do however think he was shit at interpersonal relationships because, what the fuck. Whitebeards crew is infinitely more well adjusted and I’d say he arguably had the more traumatic death.

Like what even, what kind of planning leads a 53 year old man to sire a child knowing he is dying of an incurable illness and is about to turn himself in to be excuted by the marines where he will cause so much chaos it is literally still turning the world on its head 22 years later. He knew he was going to cause so much of a stir that he literally disbanded his crew and told them to spread far and wide to keep them safe. Because he knew the marines would hunt them far and wide But yet he still brought a baby into the world. Babe. What the fuck? What even is that? What was the thought process. I sincerely hope it was an accident and not a deliberate attempt to bring about a new era.

Because if so babe I need to see the recipe or I’m afraid we can never let you cook again