#y'all please make me active again like idk what to say on here

[spidey-bie]

A/N: This is gonna be very self indulgent. Also I've never written headcanons before so bare with me. Also disabled was too wide of a field so I narrowed it down to just joint issues/chronic pain.

Hobie With a Disabled S/O or Friend:

I can definitely see him helping you decorate your mobility aids with different cpunk slogans. Much to the dismay of your family.

"Oh honey you got a new sticker on your cane, what does it say?"

"Big Pharma can suck my dick."

"Oh....that's nice."

His hands are probably rough but I guarantee you that this man gives the best massages. You just tell him what's hurting and he's got you.

If you're having a bad pain day and you don't feel like moving he'll bring you what you need and just vibe with you in bed all day.

"Don't you have to go into HQ today?"

"And leave you here to fend for yourself? Come off it luv."

Always keeps some sort of pain reliever on hand whether it's medicine or homemade ice/heat packs.

He steals your medicine for you if you can't afford it. (Honestly he probably still does even if you can. People should never have to pay so that they don't suffer.)

Definitely helps you on your wash days when your joint pain flares up.

Despite him and his damn long legs he makes sure to match your pace when you both walk together.

He'll side eye you at first but he'd carry you if you asked him too (this is for me)

"Hobie please? My ankles hurt. It'll just for a couple minutes." 🥺

"Bug we could just sit down and rest for a minute if you're in pain."

"And here I thought that Spiderman was supposed to be strong. It's fine. I'll ju-"

He picks you up and slings you over his shoulders like a sack of potatos.

"This isn't what I meant and you know it."

He laughs and then he carries you correctly.

Actively advocates with you for your needs and rights.

Also after he introduces you to Sun Spider y'all become close friends who exchange tips.

E/N: I spent most of my time watching YouTube videos of the same clips of Hobie from the movie over and over again instead of writing this so yay. Hope you like and reblog this. Might write some more idk.

[maddieg0531]

Our Little Secret Pt. 1

Prince! Oikawa x fem! reader

Fluuuuuuuff, some angst but not in this chapter

Warnings: Idk if there are any. Lemme know if I'm wrong.

Synopsis: You're a noble, he's a prince. What will happen when your lives become more intertwined than you ever thought possible?

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED IT! Y'all this mess took me months to do because I have no motivation 🤪😭 anywaaaay, please enjoy. I haven't been active in a hot sec (again no motivation), but I am going to post a bit more (hopefully). Thank you for all the love and support. It means a lot.

Masterlist pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 epilogue

Prince Oikawa Tooru: you either love him or hate him. Prince Oikawa is flamboyant, a flirt, mischievous, some might even say immature. All of the girls in the kingdom swoon over him. The villagers love him. Nobles who are friends of the royal family tolerate him. However, most nobles hate him. Your father being one of them. Anytime a story circulates about Oikawa you get an earful from your father about how he is “immature” and “not fit for the throne.” And you? How do you feel about him? Honestly, you aren’t sure. From afar it seems like your father is right. That he is immature and childish, but you also know that it is not the whole story. People distort stories to fit their own narrative. You want to humiliate the prince? Tell everyone that you saw him goofing off with some girls. You want to bolster his ego? Tell everyone that he donated his life savings to the poor. Around here, rumors spread like wildfire. So while Oikawa may seem childish, you aren’t quite sure that’s the truth. 

Oikawa is tired. Tired of being stuck in the castle. Tired of not being able to leave without being recognized. Tired of stupid rumors that continue to spread about him. But most of all, Oikawa is tired of his father, the king. Oikawa can’t go one day without hearing something about how he needs to find a wife or he needs to be more serious. He is serious. He wants what is best for his country. He wants to be the kind of king who can relate to his people. Not one who stays shut up in his castle, making decisions about things he knows nothing about. That is why Oikawa travels out to the villages so much: to meet his people. But he has to stop because of all the stupid rumors. It’s not his fault girls cling to him left and right. So now, he is stuck in the castle being forced to follow his father around. Aka. sit around in the throne room most of the day. 

As Oikawa sits in the throne room, like he has been for the past hour, his patience starts to fade. He decides he has had enough. He gets up to leave but his father interrupts him, “Where do you think you’re going?” His voice booms through the large room.

“I’m going back to my chambers.” Oikawa continues to walk away, not giving his father much of a choice.

“You are to stay here and learn the duties of a king.” His father stamps his foot. 

“Wow, sitting in the throne room for hours on end. Yeah, that’s really hard to learn.” 

“Do not use that tone with me!”

“Yeah okay.” Oikawa gives his father a wave from behind as he exits the room. 

“Iwaizumi, follow him and make sure he does not leave the castle!” Oikawa’s personal body guard, Iwaizumi, follows Oikawa back to his chambers. 

Oikawa trudges down the hallway, his heavy footsteps echoing behind him. His bodyguard and friend follows close behind, “Can you believe him Iwa-chan. He is so annoying!” Iwaizumi does not respond. One wrong word and he’s done for. When the pair makes it back to Oikawa’s room, Oikawa slams the door like a child throwing a tantrum. He jumps face first onto his bed and groans. “Why did I have to be born a prince?!” Again, no response from Iwaizumi. “Is it so much to ask to want to go to the village? To have some fun?” 

“When you ask, yes.” The first words Iwaizumi speaks in this conversation.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Oikawa rolls over on his back.

“As much as you hate it, you do have duties as a prince. Besides, by going out in the village it only causes rumors to spread.” 

Oikawa springs up from his moping position, “Not if people don’t know who I am.”

“What are you saying?” 

“If I disguise myself, then no one will know who I am.” A mischievous glint sparkles in Oikawa’s eyes.

“Unless you plan on changing your stupid face, it won’t work.” Iwaizumi is the only person who can call the prince stupid. 

“Iwa-chan, you’re so mean! I can cover my face.” 

“And how do you plan on doing that.”

“Well, I don’t know. You could help give ideas, you know.”

“Help you break the rules? No thank you.”

Oikawa gets up and starts rummaging through his clothes. Why do all of them have to be so bright and fancy? As he throws his nice clothes on to the floor, he comes across some old clothes. They are the clothes he used to wear to sleep. They are borrowed from an old servant who used to be in charge of him. Perfect! “Ah ha! I’ll wear these!” He stands tall, very proud of himself.

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I’ll wear these and use a cloak to cover my face.” Oikawa immediately starts changing. 

“You do realize I can’t let you do this right?” Iwaizumi stands in front of the door. 

“Come on Iwa. You can just say that I got the better of you. No one will know.”

“Yeah, because people will believe that.” “Please Iwa!”

“What happens if someone does recognize you and no one is there to protect you?”

“Simple, you come with me.”

“I don’t think so.” 

“Come on. You can just wear some normal clothes and come with me. Then you can protect me.” 

“No.” “Please” Oikawa brings out the biggest puppy dog eyes he can muster. 

“That’s not going to work on me.” Iwaizumi crosses his arms and looks away.

“You are my best friend who has been there with me through thick and thin. I just want to go out for a bit. You wouldn’t abandon me would you?”

Iwaizumi sighs, “You are going whether or not I come, aren’t you?”

Oikawa winks, “Bingo!”

“Fine. But if even the slightest thing happens, we are coming back. AND you don’t leave my sight.”

“Come on Iwa-chan. What are you? My mother?” 

Iwaizumi glares daggers at him, “I can go and tell your father about this little scheme you know?”

Oikawa shrinks back, “No no, I’m sorry. I’ll stay in your sight and behave. I promise.”

With that, Oikawa and Iwaizumi get ready to set off into the village. 

Noble families have servants for a reason. They buy the food, cook the meals, clean the house, tend the garden, and so on. But you always insist on doing it for them. It’s gotten to a point where they don’t even argue anymore. Once a day, you get to chose one thing you want to do around the manor. Today, you choose to go to the market. Going to the market is your favorite thing to do. All the people, smells, and sights. It makes you feel alive. You and your personal maid, Ren, are tasked with buying food for the house. You recently had people over, so you are running a little low on supplies. You and Ren decide to split up in order tackle the long list of supplies. As you walk along the bustling streets, you can smell all of the different vendors: the freshly baked bread from various patisseries, the sweet scent of freshly picked flowers, and the vibrant smell of various spices. The crowd swirls around you with vivid color and lively noise. If you weren’t so familiar with the market, you would surely get lost. Your basket slowly fills up with the required supplies and you feel the weight taking a toll on your arm. You make your way to a vegetable stand to attempt to find ripe tomatoes (which are proving to be a challenge today) when you run head first into someone. “Oh I am so sorry.” You look up to address the hooded figure and end up making eye contact with none other than the prince himself. You gasp, “Your highness!” He immediately covers your mouth and pulls you into a small, unoccupied alleyway. You struggle against his grasp.

“Shhhhh” He attempts to fight back against your thrashing. Once out of sight, he releases his hand off of your mouth.

“What do you think you are doing!” You yell, causing him to slap his hand back over your face. 

“Would you quiet down. I’m not going to hurt you, jeez.” You lessen your struggle against him. “Are you gonna quiet down now?”

You give a small nod and he releases his hand again. “What is the meaning of this?” You whisper.

He sighs, “I’m trying to stay hidden, but you are making that increasingly more difficult.”

“What?” You question, straightening out your dress and picking up your dropped potatoes, “Why would the prince need to stay hidden?”

“Because if people recognize me then I will be forced to go back to the castle.” He bends down to help pick up your lost food. 

You look over at him, “The great prince Oikawa stooping down to help a mere citizen like me? How scandalous.” 

He smirks, “You are pretty bold to talk to a prince like that.” “Something tells me that you don’t mind.” 

He lets out a small laugh at that, “Very perceptive.”

“Why is a prince such as yourself afraid of going back to the palace?” You stand up, having picked up the remnants of your food. 

“So curious.” He stands, stretching his back like an old man, “If you must know, my father doesn’t want me going out into the village.”

“I wonder why.”

He peers at you, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, it isn’t a secret that you enjoy messing around. That can be damaging for any princes image.” 

He heaves a sigh, “Those are just rumors. They are actually the main reason I have to hide. Anytime someone see’s me outside of the castle, some new rumor circulates. ‘Prince Oikawa caught flirting with all the girls.’ Or ‘Prince Oikawa gambling away his fortune.’ It’s stupid. I’ve never done any of that.” 

You cock an eyebrow, “You are telling me you have never flirted with a woman?”

“I didn’t say that. It’s just that people make me out to be some playboy who has been with countless woman, which is not true. I haven’t ever been with a woman!” He says that last part a little too loud.

You giggle at his silliness. Oikawa feels his cheeks blush and warmth fills his body at your laugh, “Well then, we better not let anyone see you. Wouldn’t want them to find out your secret.” 

“We?” He teases in attempt to make you blush as well. 

“Of course, you owe me replacement potatoes for the ones you dropped.” 

“Oh, right.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “Sorry about that.” 

He secures his hood and you both sneak back into the crowd. Oikawa offers to carry your basket. You hand it over and look away, attempting to hide the slight blush on your cheeks. You know people say that the prince is charming, but you didn’t expect it to be true. You clear your throat, “So, what is your highness doing all alone, shouldn’t you have guards or something?”

“Quiet down. Call me Tooru. I don’t need anyone recognizing me.” He looks around to make sure no one heard you.

“I’m sorry but I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be right.” 

“Come on, don’t be so formal. You already insulted me, remember?”

You feel a twinge of embarrassment from that, “Okay, Tooru, what are you doing alone?”

“Well, I had a guard with me somewhere, but we seem to have gotten separated. He won’t be happy with me so we better keep our distance.” He winks as if he didn’t just imply that a royal guard is hunting you two down, “What is a noble like you doing buying her own food?” 

“How did you know I was a noble?” 

“It’s obvious. The way you carry yourself, your boldness. A servant wouldn’t dare talk to a prince the way you did.”

“You don’t know that.” You cross your arms.

“Trust me, I have plenty of servants. I think I know. Plus your dress is way too nice to be anything but a noble.” 

“Oh.” You look down at your dress. You didn’t think it looked that fancy, “If you must know, I actually enjoy shopping. I go every week with my maid, Ren.”

“And your family lets you?” 

“My father doesn’t like it but I don’t really give him a choice.”

“I get that.” As you both walk through the market, finishing your list, you fall into easy conversation. Making jokes here and there, getting to know each other. Who knew the prince was so easy to talk to. Oikawa stops at every other stand, marveling at all the “cool things.” You laugh at his childish behavior. As you near the end of your shopping trip, you take a break to sit down on a bench off to the side. You had bought some strawberries for you two to share. “Who knew that the market would be so fun?” Oikawa says, mouth half full of strawberry, “And these taste exquisite.”

“She sells the best strawberries.” You giggle and Oikawa feels that warm sensation again

“So you know the vendor?” 

“Of course I do. I come here every week. It would be rude of me not to know the people that I interact with.” 

Oikawa is stunned by your answer. He has servants in his palace that he barely remembers the name of and you know all of these vendors names. You are remarkable. “This is nice.”

“What is?” You question.

“Spending time with you.” 

You almost choke on your strawberry, your cheeks matching its color, “I thought you said you don’t flirt with random girls?” 

“You aren’t random.” He says, turning towards you

“You don’t even know my name.” Oikawa’s eyes widen. He never asked your name! How could he forget. He hits himself on the head. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” 

“Agh, I’m so stupid. How rude of me.” There he goes again with his child-like behavior, “Tell me, what is your name?” His voice does a 180, becoming sultry smooth. His beautiful brown eyes stare into yours. A small smirk lines his lips. 

“I’m Y/N Curtis, from the Curtis nobles.” You stammer.

“Y/N,” Your name rolls of his tongue, as if he has been saying it for years, “What a beautiful name.” 

You feel your body filling with heat, your lungs having a harder time breathing. The sound of a cart rolling by is heard and Oikawa breaks his gaze. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Oikawa gets up to check on the noise. 

“Where are you going?” Your voice is filled with much more concern than you meant it to be.

He smirks, “Worried I’ll leave? Don’t worry, I’m just making a small purchase.” He walks off after the cart and you can’t help feeling worried. What if he doesn’t come back? It’s not like he has an obligation to. He is the prince for crying out loud. Your mind is put at ease as you see him walking back, his hands behind his back.

“What do you have?” You tease.

He pulls out a bouquet of flowers, “Something almost as beautiful as you.” 

You take the flowers and use them to hide your red face, “Thank you. They are lovely.” As you pull the flowers down to look back at him, you are met with nothing. The spot he was just in is empty. Where did he go? You turn to look for him but there is nothing. He vanished. You feel your shoulders drop at the lack of his presence. You go to put the flowers in your basket and see a note sitting in the arrangement. You unfold the paper to see a note; meet me at the central bell tower, same time tomorrow ;). You feel a blush creep up your cheeks once more. You can’t help the stupidly large smile that spreads across your face. You put the note in your pocket and go to meet Ren at your rendezvous point. 

As you approach the corner you meet her at every time, she notices your change in demeanor, “My lady, what has you so happy?” 

“Oh nothing,” Your grin clearly betraying you, “Just a good day at the market.”

“Why did you get flowers? We could have made an arrangement from the garden.” She points out, “Unless someone gave them to you?” 

“No, I just liked the look of these.” You aren’t sure why you don’t tell her about what happened. Maybe you are trying to protect Oikawa. Maybe you didn’t find it necessary information to share. 

Or maybe you want to keep it your little secret ;)

[missmonsters2]

SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED IN SUCH LITTLE TIME JANEJAWQENQWJE AAAHH VANNNN.

I talked to her. I mean I approachjerd her. And she smiled and oh my fucking god how can you have such a precious smile please explain me and I just stood there like an idiot bECAUSE AGAIN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK. I STRUGGLED SO MUCH VAN I swear I might just cry because it was so damn embarrassing. But she was so patient and sweet and didn't mind that I stuttered every three seconds or couldn't properly pronounce a single word because of that damn smile and she said that sure, she'd like that. AJWEJQ AND I JUST ASKED HER OUT. CAUSE MAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME BUT SHE WAS SO AJEIQAWEQWEWQK. AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY SAID YES AND THAT DAMN SMILE AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING CONVULSE BECAUSE- MAN. Man I can't. I completely lost my shit. Van, wHAT AM I GOING TO DO. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE DATES. I'M FUCKING TWENTY AND I NEVER HAD A DATE. VAN WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. I'm a ffucking eremite Van, how am I supposed to do this

I thought maybe watch a movie? I know that's so KAQE idk, cliche, maybe? but I think watching movies is such a good idea for starters, to get to know what she likes and stuff, and at the same time that will mean I don't have to speak much, mostly listen, aND THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO SPEAK TO HER. Van djqwjejw she was so damn sweet, she was so so patient I swear I had like a literal stroke right there again because she's just so precious I can'tw. I thought that maybe we could, I don't know, watch them in my place, you know? but I don't want to make her uncomfortable? maybe she would actually like to go out, you know? I want to ask her but at the same time right now she's doing her workout while I do mine and we just spoke and I just can't speak to her again OK JWEJQWJEK. I guess I'll text her later? btw, where's my mirror mirror chapter? how are you doing today? did you actually sleep????

VAN I'M SO DOWN BADJAQWNEQWE help me

AHHHHHH IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FOR YOU. I'm so proud you somehow got the words out even though I have no idea what you said to her and it sounds like you also don't know LMFAOO BUT IT WORKKED

She sounds so sweet 😭😭

OKAOYKAY IT'S OKAY I CAN HELP YOU PLAN A DATE. I THINK. I HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE LMFAO

Me, personally, I'm not a fan of watching a movie on the first date. Mostly because it's 2 hours of sitting in silence when I prefer to talk to get to know them better. Unless there's a movie you both REALLY want to watch and are excited over, I would say no to a movie. I also feel like watching a movie at someone's house lowkey puts a vibe out you're looking to do other things during a movie, and if that's the vibe, i support y'all!

I would try to scope out the vibe to see how she would feel about being at your place on the first date? I just actually ended things with this guy I was seeing cuz he kept trying to get me over to his place when I said I wasn't comfortable for the first few dates. But then again, I don't trust men and I think I hate them so LMFAO that's for me to unpack LOL

But this other girl I'm talking to is also not comfortable being at her place or mine for the first few dates. I think it just depends on the vibe and if you ask. It might be different since she's known you a while at the gym already.

Here are some first dates i've planned (btw there should always be food involved prior or after an activity LOL)

picnic in the park & painting. i've bought cheap paint supplies from the dollar tree or walmart

Lunch, digestion walk through a nice park/trail (whatever is in your area) and ice cream

pottery painting places if you have them!

I've done cocktail themed bar nights but idk if 20 is the legal drinking age where you are LOL

Escape room & dinner

I generally just try to see what activities or events are going on in my area.

If she's comfortable being at your place on the first date, you can see about the movie, but I'd plan to either order food in or make something for her depending on your cooking skills LOL also make mocktails together (if y'all can't drink or if y'all just don't like drinking).

I've done board games at a girl's house before and that was super fun!

I wish you luck my friend!!

Also the update is in 3 hours!!! 😱😱😱😱😱

[stardusted-hearts]

[ooc]

Hey guys sorry my activity has been non-existent lately, but I wanted to put out a few important reminders for this account/AU.

I know this is kind of long but please read it, it's important to me.

Anything that happens in any discord server is Not Canon to this tumblr, unless stated otherwise. I like to keep these things separated both for the sake of not getting confused, and being able to easily look back on character interactions here via tags/posts/etc. This also allows me to loosen up and be a little more silly in discord servers than I would be here outside of crack.

---

Shadow [Horizon] as I have stated before, does not yet have his nickname In Character. The best he might be able to give another character is to say they can call him Dragon if they ask for a nickname. "Horizon" is a very special name that is going to be given to him by Sonic at some point, but it hasn't happened yet.

---

Sonic [Stardust] so far only has the nickname "Star," given to him by Volt. Other characters that are close to him will have heard this and can use it, otherwise characters need to ask him about it. "Stardust" will be his full nickname eventually, but it again has not happened yet.

---

I am not kidding when I say I NEED continuity. That means continuity here, on tumblr, unless otherwise discussed. If you want to RP with me via discord and have it be canon here, I am so down for that! We just need to talk about it first, please!

---

I am also very down to talk about pre-established relationships, which can include knowing one of my muses' nicknames. I view first time interactions between characters as very important, no matter how awkward it might be, or how difficult it might be to write. If stuff gets brushed off or goes unacknowledged I am going to be lost and lose motivation to RP, so at the very least we need to talk things through if you don't want to do a full intro-thread like that.

---

I feel like these posts I make keep getting ignored or people just don't care about what I'm saying. Forgetting is fine, I forget stuff all the time, trust me. But this stuff is important to me, and if you can't give me continuity for whatever reason, be it that it's not your RP style, or whatever, that's totally okay but we are likely not going to be very compatable as RP partners outside of maybe server-based stuff or random crack.

I don't spend time putting a bunch of effort into writing a meaningful starter or reply only for it to be tossed aside like it meant nothing toward relationship development. This isn't about matching my length, I don't expect anyone to do that.

I don't want to end up not RPing here for MONTHS again because something turned me off. [ It's a problem, and not something I'm blaming anyone else for, it's me. IDK if it's the neurodivergency or what, but I do have some avoidant behavior that can be kind of easy to trigger at times. That's why I make these posts. ]

Again, if this stuff doesn't vibe with you I totally get it and it's okay, I'm not mad or upset and it's not like I'd dislike someone for it. We all have our different styles, wants, and different things we find fun in RP.

For me, I want and need continuity. The "tumblr timeline" here matters to me, this is how I enjoy RP.

So please keep that in mind if you do still want to interact with me. Keep in mind whether or not our characters really know each other, and how much they have or haven't interacted.

I hope I don't sound like an asshole and this got long as usual but I've been stressing hardcore about this for a few weeks and it's one of the reasons I haven't been around [mostly been irl stress though].

Love y'all <3

[jungw8ns]

GOING TO AN ESCAPE ROOM WITH ENHYPEN !

PAIRING: boyfriend!enha x gn!reader. GENRE: established relationship, fluff, crack. WARNINGS: profanity (not that much tho), mentions of death (?). WORD COUNT: 100 - 200 each member.

HEESEUNG:

the two of you were so pumped playing an escape room together for the first time that the other people in line had to calm you guys down (which was trully embarrassing to say the least 🤐🤐)

he was looking at the ranking board filled with pictures of players that had succeeded in the shortest amount of time and he just wanted nothing more than to see both your faces on there

but anyways, we all know how competitive heeseung gets 🕴️

oh boy let me tell you, this guy WAS SPEEDRUNNING IT but not the kind you were thinking

the second the timer had started he was literally SPRINTING AROUND THE ROOM LOOKING FOR CLUES YET COMPLETELY MISSING THEM 🏃‍♂️💨💨💨

while he was busy running around, you were picking up the little details in the room and in no time managed to open a few locks

"y/n look i found– oh 😐😑😐"

HE WAS SULKING PLSSS 😭😭😭

when you noticed him standing from afar staring at you with his arms crossed, you called him to solve this one puzzle you already did

*gasps* "oh no! babe i don't understand how to do this, please help me 😔😔🤥🙏🙏"

he had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from letting out that cocky grin but it got out eventually

"oh it's so easy sweetheart, just put this here and then voila! 😉"

when the two of you escaped you suprisingly got to take a polaroid with him home after ranking 2nd in the records

heeseung was the one who held onto it tho, placing it underneath his clear phonecase for safekeeping <3

JAY:

GOD THIS DUDE

THE ESCAPE ROOM WASN'T EVEN THAT SCARY AND YET EVERYTIME YOU GUYS OPEN A LOCK OR A DOOR HIS FIGHT OR FLIGHT INSTINCTS COME UP 😭😭👊👊

"y/n stay behind me >:(("

"um, babe, you do realize that's just a door right?"

"WE'LL BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY?? THE STAFF COULD'VE PROGRAMMED IT TO GROW LEGS?? 😵🧐🧐"

you knew you shouldn't have played horror games with him a few nights ago cause he looked like he was about to lose his mind 😔

you had to shove his ass aside and move on to the next mission cause the both of you knew that he was stalling 🏌️‍♀️

jay was being extra clingy the whole time you were playing, he'd either link arms with you or hold hands (he's literally so adorable) 💞💞

BUT THEN YOU THOUGHT OF DOING A PRANK ON HIM

while you were roaming around the room trying to solve a puzzle, you saw this horse mask on a nearby table

and so you made sure jay was distracted and put on the mask

you could've NOT worn the dusty old thing but where was the fun in that?

"jay can you come here for a sec?"

you hid behind the wall beside the door frame waiting for him to come into your sight and attacked him

now, how about we guess what happens next?

a. he faints

b. he runs away

or c. he slaps you in the face and forces you to buy him food for the rest of the night

if you guessed c then YAY! YOU'RE CORRECT 🥳🎉🎉🎊

THIS HOE SLAPS YOU AS HE SHOULD

"$##/@+(+'£%(:?!!)&£**/*%@"

when he finally takes off the mask like those scenes in scooby doo he's never felt so betrayed in his life

"i- I TRUSTED YOU 😭😭😭 YOU BETTER BUY ME FOOD LATER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THE BETRAYAL???? LITERALLY UNPROVOKED?????"

he wouldn't stop side eyeing you until you guys finally pulled up on the mcdonalds drive thru

"hi, can i get two um– bts meals please? 😒😒 and two oreo mc flurries 🙄🙄 and also large fries 😐😐"

sane (1/3)

would be trailing behind you like a little puppy (i love him so much 😭😭😭)

he either has his arm linked with yours or held hands every five minutes

JAKE:

really focused on the puzzles he's doing but the second he hears you call out his name for help he's there beside you with the sweetest smile

but anyways, mans was POPPING OFF the entire time you were playing

he was solving problem after problem in no time (he wanted to impress you is why he activated his inner flash ⚡⚡) but he did let you play tho, the last thing he wanted to do was make you pissed at him for hogging all the games

def buried jake with compliments and forehead kisses right after ❤️__❤️

and so the two of you got out in like an hour and a few which you were very proud of

"you were so cool today babe, good job !!"

"aww thank you angel 😊😊"

sane (2/3)

SUNGHOON:

would be linking pinkies with you the whole time, only letting go whenever the both of you had to solve something that needed two or more people

there was this one game tho where he had to arm wrestle this literal hand lever to open the door to the last room (yea...don’t ask why, the staffs were pretty weird 😬😬) 

it made him enjoy the experience a bit more as it was only the two of you playing instead of getting accompanied by strangers

HGAWAHSGDHSGHDA PLSS THIS GUY

“oh this’ll be easy, y/n step aside, i’ll handle this 😏😏😏”

idk if you were supposed to think about how handsome he looked with his serious expression on and his veiny hands coming into frame or be worried for him because the lever was REAL HARD to pull that his veins looked like they were going to pop any second soon, you stepped in and helped him tho cause you were a good s/o <3

from a spectators point of view, the two of you looked like y’all were about shit your pants but the two of you eventually succeeded on beating it, immediately dragging him to the next room which had a sofa in it, laying down to catch your breaths

cliché moment ahead ⚠️⚠️

the two of you shared a few laughs before standing up on the empty space, held hands and started to jump in circles to celebrate your success 💃💃

yupp, y’all were never going back to that hellhole again

very stubborn at first, he wanted nothing to do with the game but then you held him at gunpoint by saying:

SUNOO:

"please just this once or else i'll revoke your mint choco ice cream rights 🔫🔫🔫"

"BUT IT'S SCARY IN THERE BABE :((("

"it won't be that scary sunshine, besides, i'll be ready to 🤜💥 yk?? trust me babe i would never let anyone hurt you <33"

kinda pissed since you blackmailed him into the place and also bc he wanted to play bumper cars and dance mania but he yea he caved in pretty quick 😋😋

(y/n let him play his games in peace tf >:(((( )

once you guys got in tho he realized how normal it was and that it was not terrifying at all

THE EPITOME OF CLINGY OMFG

he wouldn't stop back hugging you and you couldn't bring yourself to push him away to play the games so you just let him walk behind you with his arms on your shoulders 😩😩

(y'all were walking kinda funny but don't tell sunoo that 🤫🤫🤫)

yea the two of you ended up escaping with a whopping 2 hours and a few minutes

but it was the effort that counts so A+++++ for the both if you 😜👍👍👍

sane (3/3)

JUNGWON:

was the one who suggested going, he even searched on naver about really good escape room places to visit and was overall really looking forward it

he liked going to places and having fun with you so it wasn't a shock how his eyes were literally crescents and his dimples were so evident

yea he literally rushed the both of you to the place that you were the first in line 😵

while waiting for the staff to finish setting up he was playing with your connected hands like 🖐️✊🖐️✊ (so precious 💞💞)

"y/n why are you taking so long 😭😭 what if they close and we end up not solving a single lock, hurry up por favorrr 😩🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏"

when they finally lead you to the room he was kind of surprised that they had separated the two of you into different spaces (like the one with txt where they had the answers to the other member's puzzles yk???)

he was locked inside a telephone stand while you were handcuffed in the main room

dw the two of you reunited after a few minutes cause jungwon was rushing his lock to get to you 🤭

you both were progressing at an average pace and it made you guys a lot more closer (not that you guys weren't before but you get what i mean)

after you guys escaped the two of you went to eat curry and talked about the whole experience 😋✌️✌️✌️

this boy literally dragged you in the escape room with him

NIKI:

HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU TIME TO REFUSE HE JUST 😐👉🚪

"ok masterchefs, in order to test your abilities we must go through series of puzzles and make it out alive, understood?"

he tried ignoring how confused you were and went on to try and get you guys to escape

HE'S LAUGHING AT YOU FOR WHATEVER REASON AND OBV YOU LAUGH ASWELL CAUSE WHO WOULDN'T??? his laugh is so contagious pls 🤖🤖 he was so close to d wording cause he couldn't breathe from laughing too much

yea.. you guys spent so much time laughing at each other for being so dumb at this that you ended up playing 'till closing time

spoiler alert: he fails on doing anything cause the second you made eye contact with him this child collapses 😍🤩

GIRL SO EMBARRASSING 🤡🤡

THE STAFF KICKED THE BOTH OF YOU OUT AND NOW YOU GUYS WERE BANNED FROM THE PLACE ☠️☠️

"haunted house next weekend???"

"BET"

NOTE – god they were WAY funnier in my head but yeah.... i love them so much AND OMFG HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN HEESEUNG’S SELCAS LAST NIGHT???!?@??#?@?!?@ HE’S NOT REAL WTF ⁉️❓❓⁉️

also, idk why BUT EVERY TIME I SAVE A DRAFT the paragraphs get scrambled?? £!?) 6=6) 🤣😂💔💔🤣🤣😂💔 it's so annoying but anyways, ilysm pls stay safe and have a great day <33

[husbandograveyard]

Why I am less active ~ again ~

Cw: mental health // selfshipping // spoilers [One Piece]

Might delete this later, but I am having a moment and I honestly do not know where else to post this without coming across as annoying or weird or whatever.

Please DO NOT REBLOG.

So, it's been an emotional week or two, I have been sick because of sleep deprivation on top of it all and I am pretty sure shark week is coming up, so I am being an emotional mess right now. I won't bother y'all with the details, cause frankly, they don't matter. But I can feel my mental health just spiraling down and I have no way to stop it. It'll soon be the summer holiday, and hopefully I will have some time to recuperate.

Anyway, that's not what it is about here. This is about the most recent OP chapter leaks, altho by now it might actually be out (idk, I usually actually don't follow the manga *this* closely). If you're not there and you don't want to be spoiled then please consider this your final warning to stop reading.

So, in the final chapter Ashura and Izo died. Now... I have not been following super closely, and I am not even sure why I checked the spoilers earlier. I know it's fictional characters, trust me, I am 10000% aware. And yet. Izo's death has hit me a little harder than I expected.

For the past 2 years, he's been my main comfort character and I was actively selfshipping with him. Not so much on Tumblr because I am too self-aware and insecure to throw it out in the open like that, but on discord, among friends, and in some little writings that I never shared up here.

Selfshipping has been a great comfort while I figure out what is wrong with me mental health wise. It's been a great tool to figure out what I look for IRL relationships, hell it's been a help figuring out my sexuality, all in a safe online environment, helping me reflect on the real life that's not online. It's been a great comfort whenever I feel insecure, a source of humor to look back onto on bad days, just a very nice coping mechanism for when the depresso hits hard.

It's nothing new that a comfort character dies, it's almost a running meme that 90% of my comfort characters don't make the end of whatever medium they're part of and usually I handle it pretty well. An emotional reaction at the moment I see/read/hear it happen, and maybe some exaggerated online outrage, then some memes and acceptance, 5 stages of grief, but make it funny kinda thing.

But for some reason, this hit super hard? Be it hormones, depression, the fact that my real life is having some struggles at the moment... it just was the figurative drop that made the bucket spill (is that how you say it in English?) and I have been crying some real human tears over non real characters.

I had planned a tiny break while being on weekend with my students and wanted to get back to writing (especially for the summer event and OP bingo) the moment I got home. Instead I kinda got teary eyed and shut my laptop again. My head just fills with Angsty thoughts, and while those are all fun and games whenever I am in a good place, now is not the moment for it. So I am taking a little break again, I am extremely sorry.

I *will* get over it, and will do what any other fanfic writer does in situations like this: ignore canon and move on. But for now it kinda hurts and I feel silly even admitting to it.

Anyway. I just needed to let that out, writing down my feelings is somewhat cathartic and I am running out of tissues, so I had to try something else. I am not even sure if many people will read this because my range has been a little less again lately, but I just had to get it off my chest? Sorry for making you read this entire rambling wall of text if you're still reading. I am not even sure if I am making any sense at all.

Signing off with loads of love, and drink a lot of water, be gentle for yourself, it's what I am doing rn as well. ♡

Love, Hazel

Ps: please don't reblog, invalidate my feelings cause the characters are not real or if you don't like selfshipping. Anything negative said, I'll just block.

[vodkacheesefries]

I would like to see the blorbo list

BLORBO LIST. I kept seeing this and typing a list in my notes and then forgetting. Did I tell you all I was officially diagnosed with ADHD yet because I was and it tracks

Also most all names/properties will be censored because of the way Tumblr's search function works and I don't wanna be that person in the search. There really only is one ship here that I feel like I can say I hate and if you've been following me for any length of time you'll know what it is when I get there.

but ANYWAY: Blorbos/Blorbo properties I would like to be able to go through their tag to find content but there is a wild amount of shipping stuff that make it difficult:

L0rd of the Rings - specifically Bilb0 & Frod0. Personally feel like Bilb0 deserves better than Th0rin (I didn't care for him much, even in the book and I feel like that's a relatively unpopular take? He's kind of a douche, idk) and I'm a big fan of aro/ace Frod0 so I don't care for most Frod0 ships. I don't have strong feelings about it really, but would like some simple just B@ ggins content plz.

**this being said tho, please give me all of the G*mli/Leg0las content, I am WEAK for it

Avat*r the Last Airbend*r- I have too many internet flame war flashbacks to have any super strong opinions about most of the ships in Avat*r, but trying to find stuff about my girl Katar@ without ship stuff everywhere is a struggle sometimes. Same with S0kka.

The new St@ r W@ rs trilogy specifically- I'm going to leave it simple and just say R3y. This isn't about all of the ships I see for hers, just the one. THE one. I'll let y'all fill in the blanks on this one. God it even got into the general St@ r W@ rs tag right after the last movie was released and it was insufferable

L3gend of Z3lda - don't get me wrong, I enjoy several L*nk and/or Z3lda ships, but I feel like ships are all the content I see about L0Z anymore.

Those are the big ones I'm thinking of right now because that's the media I rotate through pretty often.

In a more understandable way, any of the player character tags and NPC tags from any of the Bi0ware properties can sometimes get bogged down by ship stuff. It bothers me much, much, MUCH less because that's a pretty big selling point of the games but sometimes I might just be lookin for stuff about Elvish wardens/inquisitors because I like learning about people's OCs but its hard to find without the shipping aspect sometimes. Again, totally get it and it's not really anyone's fault.

This ended up being a more vague list about Blorbos so I can definitely make a list of my favorite Blorbos and head canons because that could be fun activity for a night I can't fall asleep.

[haleigh-sloth]

I really hate to talk about this on this blog that is pretty much only a fandom blog, that I use for fun and stupid ridiculous anime bullshit, but there really isn't anything that bothers me more than misinformation being spread for truly scary topics. So I'm going to get very serious here for a second and then not talk about it on here again because I don't use tumblr for this stuff.

So before I go on this spiel, just in case people don’t know:

Now.

Greg Abbott enacted a law yesterday (2-22-2022) that now considers a number of, and I quote, "sex change procedures", child abuse.

Said procedures are listed in the letter I am about to link to.

He sent a letter to the Department of Family and Protective Services telling them that they are to investigate any reports they receive about children suspected of undergoing these types of procedures.

The law also requires professionals who work with children (which I am one) to report any children suspected of undergoing these procedures to Child Protective Services.

Now, I came across a very alarming post saying things like "All trans kids are at risk of being removed from their parents and placed in state custody" and "Any mandated reporter who does not report a child believed to be transgender is subject to face prosecution"-and I'm wondering "Am I really going to have to report to CPS every time a kid wants to change their pronouns or says they are trans? Like, really?"

And, well, after doing a bit of research, as well as talking to an old coworker who still works for CPS (guess where I used to work guys) I am here to say that, the post I'm referring to is spreading some seriously alarming information. The law is legit. Unfortunately. It's real.

HOWEVER, saying stuff like "any kid suspected of being trans is at risk of being removed from their parents and put into state custody!!!!" is a VERY. ALARMING. STATEMENT. And it is NOT fucking true. And by saying such a thing you are TERRIFYING kids on the internet who may identify as trans but have not taken any steps into transitioning. Those kids do not fall into the criteria of the people this awful law is targeting.

So, first of all. That's not what the law fucking says. It specifies "sex change procedures". Meaning, medical procedures, hormones, surgeries, etc., I'll link to the DFPS letter again where all of these are specified. Second, stop trying to tell people that if they just identify as trans, they are going to get taken from their parents. Trans does NOT MEAN ACTIVELY TRANSITIONING. Third, idk if any of y'all know how CPS works, but it is not as simple as you seem to think. Guess how many parents go before a judge who physically beat their kids but still go home with their children in their custody anyway--like. Please.

I know this is terrible and I hate Greg Abbott and Texas and these right wing fucking nut jobs that infest the legislature, but please stop trying to scare people more than they already are. People don't need that. They need the information as it is. It doesn't need to be embellished to make it worse than it already is.

Telling parents with trans children to flee the state because they will lose custody their children just because they identify as trans is just--it's not having the effect you think it does. Trans does not equal transitioning, which I feel is something people need to be very aware of. Either fix the wording, or make sure you understand this law that was just enacted.

And honestly the only reason I'm making this post is because people seem to think that the law says "being trans is illegal and punishable by prosecution", when that is literally not what it says. As a mandated reporter myself, I had to do some serious research after seeing such an alarming post, as it affects my daily life at work. And I have to say I'm more than a little irritated at the information going around. Yes, this place is awful, I hate it here, why do you think I talk about wanting to leave constantly blah blah blah, but holy fuck the last thing we need is people being terrified for their lives when they don't need to be.

There are people who should be scared, and I honestly hope something changes, because the system fails as it is now and this is going to make it worse. But freaking more people out than necessary is the opposite of helpful. Fuck.

[loki-maybe-highkey]

I don't get why people (y'all already know who Im talkin bout 🤡) call Azriel toxic and an entitled prick. Like I waited and heard both sides of the story but now it's clear to me that these arguments were made to serve only one purpose: justify the other ship and invalidate Elriel because they hate Elain.

Hop in y'all it's story time. This is so long but I need it to make sense so shhh

Lemme start with a real life example and experience kay? So, I have a friend, let's call him X. Me and X have known eachother for over 5 years and we're super close. A couple years ago he told me that he's attracted to me but in a physical way (there's more to this story but it's kinda irrelevant). Anyway, the attraction was mutual (atleast to some extent on my part) and we almost hooked up. I wasn't exclusively in a relationship at that time but I was talking to someone so he thought better of it because he didn't want to ruin whatever I had going on with the other person. With that being said I did end up dating the other person and me and X continued to be friends without being weird and he was still attracted to me. He kept his thoughts to himself because I was with someone and later (like after my relationship ended) admitted that even though he felt terrible he would often fantasize about me and was jealous of the other guy. (which is completely normal because he's an adult and he didn't act on those impulses out of respect for me and no this doesn't make him a creep either idk what world y'all live in but you can't control someone else's thoughts).

Just putting it here incase people wanna call me out for being a rape apologist or SA denier- I don't condone any of those things and would never be ok with stalking/harassing or any weird behavior that guys unfortunately think is ok sometimes.

Now to Elriel's situation and what we see in the books. In Acofas, Rhys asks Azriel about his opinion on Lucien dealing with Graysen and Az says

"why should I be the judge of that".

He doesn't track Lucien because he values Elain's privacy. We then have those small Elriel moments in Acofas that show that Az atleast cares about Elain (the wishing her a happy solstice scene, the potatoes thing, and the gift exchange). In Acosf, we see Az is super protective of her but still keeps his distance. In Az's bonus chapter, Az again keeps his distance, doesn't give Elain her necklace infront of everyone because Lucien is present and it's mentioned many times in the chapter how 'wrong' he feels because Elain is a mated female and Az shouldn't feel that way about her.

Now about the argument with Rhys right after (this is where most the entitlement and toxic theories come from so). Az NEVER said he was entitled to Elain. He questioned the cauldron not because he wants Elain to be his mate but because her mating bond with Lucien is preventing him from being with her. Rhys asks him

"You believe you deserve to be her mate?"

And Az replies with how he thinks Lucien is not good enough for her and Elain isn't interested him in either. I don't see anything toxic about being jealous of the man that is in the way of you being with the woman you want to be with.

Also notice how in Acofas Az doesn't give his opinion on the situation but gets defensive and deflects Rhysand's question with another question. In his bonus chapter he only voices his thoughts AFTER he gets Elain's explicit consent. Instead of being a 'horny asshole' and 'weird alphamale' he doesn't project his thoughts and desires on anyone and only after he's certain that Elain wants him too does he admit to Rhys about how he feels. Like COME ON.

In conclusion, there is NOTHING wrong with two consenting adults to be attracted to eachother whether it is a just a physical and sexual attraction or something more. In my case, X being attracted to me doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me beyond his desire for me nor does it mean that he doesn't see/respect me as a person aside from that almost exactly like we're shown multiple times in the books that Az cares about Elain beyond his late night fantasies. Just like X kept his distance unless I clearly told him that I wanted to be with him Az takes active measures to stay away from Elain because he doesn't know for sure if she wants him or not. Me and X had history before the whole attraction thing and we're still friends just like Az and Elain are friends no matter how much anyone denies it. He listens to her ramble about things she loves and if y'all know dudes then you know they only sit there and listen to your shit because they care about you. (Again talking from experience since I've mostly had only guy friends all my life and they agree with this statement) if a guy isn't interested in you or if he doesn't deeply care for you he ain't gon waste his precious time to listen to you talk about your shit nor is he gonna make an effort for you. Our boy Az stays up with Elain for hours and listens to her talk about gardening and her plans and what not. He actively seeks her out and treats her like a normal person when others deem her crazy. From what I know he ain't doing that just to be "nice" and because he feels bad for her. Nope.

I can't believe I gotta make this clear after all that but Az still fantasizing about Elain even tho she has a mate doesn't mean he's weird or disgusting it means he's a person with feelings and desires and urges (some of which may even be out of his control) and him being decent enough and not pressuring her into anything (he didn't do anything in the bonus chapter that Elain didn't want).

He's been suffering for 500 years having loved Mor unconditionally without him getting any love back and now that he's over her and wants to pursue someone else he's toxic and bad all of a sudden. Make it make sense please.

He isn't toxic, he's frustrated (sexually 😂). He's not entitled, he's desperate. He isn't weird or disgusting, he's just a lil thirsty for the girl he likes. He isn't obsessed or crazy, he's about to be in a situation where he doesn't get the girl he wants (again) and he doesn't know what to do.

If y'all made it this far, thanks for coming to my ted talk. Peace out mfs.

[puppetsoftomorrow]

the avalance news reader au

hey who said peer pressure doesn't work. anyway i made this post and y'all seemed to like it so here we go!! might post to ao3 later on idk...

It had been a truly terrible day.

Ava considered, in the moment that her coffee machine spluttered coughed up coffee grounds over her last clean shirt, that maybe she'd just had a truly terrible year. All her dreams about finally moving to television after being stuck in the doldrums of local news media for six years had been slashed when she'd been placed on the graveyard shift - sure, Ava was finally reading the news, but her shift was from 1AM until 4AM, so her only audience was long-distance truck drivers and new parents.

Still, she persevered, with the slightly foolish belief that if she worked hard enough, she could be promoted to a primetime slot. Or at least a slot that didn't require her to be making coffee at 10:45PM.

Her day had started off badly - she'd barely slept, as the sound from the construction work three blocks away rattled her windows, and she’d woken to find that her cat, Merlin, had kicked his litter halfway across the house in a fit of pique. Ava couldn't even have her normal oatmeal, as she was out of oat milk, and now she was having to drink her coffee black.

After changing her shirt to a dark dress and grimacing as she choked down the coffee, there was a knock on the door, and Ava groaned as she realised she was running late.

"Hey, Sara." She sighed.

Sara stood in the doorway, hair wavy over her shoulders, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie - the same grey hoodie she wore every day, branded with their news station's logo.

"Woah, a dress?" Sara said, eyebrows raised appreciatively, as Ava grabbed her coat and bag and they moved to go down the stairs.

"Don't mention it." Ava grumbled, pulling the coat around her shoulders.

"It looks good on you." Sara said, and Ava shot her a look. Sara mimed zipping her lips. "Do we have to time for Starbucks? I had to have black coffee; my mouth tastes like something died in it." Ava muttered, and Sara shrugged.

"I mean, we've arrived half an hour early for every shift for the past year -"

"Do you want to go back to taking the bus?" Ava said, looking over at her as they reached the lobby. They'd discovered they lived in the same building almost accidentally in Ava's first week, awkwardly meeting across the hall in the early morning, until Sara had realised that Ava had a car and they'd started riding in together.

"Fine, if you're happy with having bad angles." Sara said, holding the door open for her, and Ava rolled her eyes.

"Are you saying I have bad angles?"

"Oh, I'll find one." Sara muttered, and Ava snorted with laughter and unlocked the car. One of the benefits to giving her camera operator a ride every day was always having excellent angles.

After a stop at Starbucks, Ava rolled along the dark, quiet roads, sighing deeply.

"What's up?" Sara asked, sipping her drink - black coffee, which she somehow enjoyed.

"Nothing." Ava muttered, but it only took one look at Sara for her to come out with the story of her crappy day. Sara laughed.

"So that's why you're wearing the dress."

"That's what you're focusing on?" Ava said, focusing on the road with a small smile on her face. "I have to go back to my apartment at 5AM and clean up kitty litter and coffee grounds."

"Not to mention getting coffee out of your shirt." Sara snorted, and Ava groaned, loud and over the top.

///

They always split when they got to the studio, Ava marching off to make-up to get ready, and Sara taking the elevator to the studio floor to set up her camera. The studio was always dead past midnight, just a skeleton crew left, which Sara found she enjoyed - it was easier to know everyone that way. She waved at Nate, distracting him from where he was running through the weather, muttering under his breath and checking his perfectly coiffed hair in the camera. He waved back, a bright smile on his face.

Careful not to trip over any of the wires on the floor, Sara made her way up to the box above the studio, the cramped room filled from head to toe with blinking lights and buttons, with a large window so they could look down on the studio. The techs – Behrad and Charlie - were sat with headphones on, running through sound checks, so Sara just waved to them as she found who she was looking for.

Zari, the studio runner, was running through her clipboard, muttering under her breath. When she saw Sara coming, she rolled her eyes. "Back again?"

"What have you got for her today?" Sara asked, keeping her voice nonchalant.

"The usual. Some city councilor has been embezzling funds, Star City is readying to bid for the 2028 Olympics, and former mayor Queen is opening a patisserie down-town. It's been a quiet week."

"Exactly." Sara said, her grin widening. "You've got to add the cat one."

Ray, their head writer, had found a story a week ago about a fat cat attending the Star City pet spa to lose weight, and Sara had been tracking down clips of the poor thing, bribing the editor, Nora, to pull them together. She'd even written a script. Zari looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Seriously?"

"Yes! I have a bet going with Mick - if I can get Ava to break on camera by the end of the month, he's got to give me $50." Sara said. It was ridiculous, she'd started the bet - truthfully, she found it endearing how Ava read the news with the same abject sternness whether she was covering a political scandal or a dog who'd learnt to surf in Star City Bay. She'd only broken her composure once - a smile creeping on her face when reporting on the 5th birthday of a crocodile at Star City Zoo named Snaps. From that day on, Sara had vowed to make her laugh, properly, live on air.

"I don't have any time to make up." Zari said, and Sara sighed.

"Yeah, but you know Ava reads quick enough. Please? For me?"

Zari seemed immune to the puppy eyes, so Sara sighed. "And I'll give you $20."

Zari snorted. "Do you have $20?"

"I'll have $50 when I win the bet." Sara countered, and Zari sighed.

"Fine. I'll see what I can do."

"Z, you're the best." Sara said with a grin, and turned to return to the studio floor.

///

The program went smoothly, like always. Sara liked her job, the focus of filming and the pride she got when she saw her own work on TV, but she liked it better when she was filming Ava, who had pretty much insisted from day one that Sara be her primary operator.

Ava looked especially pretty today, someone in make-up evidently having convinced her that she didn't need the bun today, and instead curled her hair over both shoulders, which didn't completely cover Ava's defined arms, visible in her sleeveless dress.

The night ran the same as most others, Ava transitioning smoothly between topics and engaging in light, courteous banter with Nate before he presented the weather. Sara looked at Ava during these moments, the five minutes she was off camera, where she looked down at her notes, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

Okay, so maybe Sara wanted to make Ava laugh because she looked so pretty doing it. Sue her.

They were coming near the end, and Sara was losing hope that the story would be included, until she heard the segue.

"Now, in lighter news," Ava started, her eyebrows suddenly shooting up as she read the prompter. Sara grinned; Zari had obviously left this out of Ava's notes to inspire more of a reaction.

"Cats," Ava blurted out, steadying herself before continuing, "they're not normally known for their love of swimming, but one feline in Star City is hitting the water instead of the gym in a bid to lose weight. Mr. Snuggles -" Ava bit her lip as the pictures played on the monitor - a black and white cat in a life vest, looking absolutely terrified, and Sara grinned. "Mr. Snuggles is a thirteen-year-old cat who - dislikes the outdoors and other physical activities."

Sara's grin widened as Ava lost it, barely making it through her lines through her giggles. Her face was flushing pink and she bit her lip to try and compose herself. "But with encouragement from his owner -" Ava pressed on, trying to hold herself together, "Mr. Snuggles had lost one pound in six months."

That was the final straw, as Ava descended into a full-on laugh, barely making it through her sign off. Sara was so distracted by the sound she nearly missed Zari's voice in her ear. "Camera 1 to Camera 3 in 3, 2, 1 -"

Sara switched off, but not before Ava snorted, flushing even deeper and covering her face with her hands at the sound, not disguised by the jingle from the lottery numbers playing across the screen.

///

Ava had bolted from the set, and Sara packed up her equipment as quickly as possible, ducking out just in time to catch Ava as she walked down the corridor to the lobby. Her face was now free of make-up, her hair tied up in a messy bun, but she was still in the dress that left Sara's mouth a little dry. She looked at Sara, blushing again.

"I can't believe you did that." She groaned, and Sara put on her most innocent face on.

"Did what?"

"Bribed Zari to put the cat story in! John in make-up said that Charlie had told him that you'd bribed Zari."

"To win $50!" Sara said, grinning. "And you have a really cute laugh."

Ava looked up; eyebrow furrowed. "Really?"

"Yep." Sara said, trying to play it cool. "Look, do you want half? I feel bad now."

Ava sighed. "No, it's okay."

"I could buy you dinner." Sara said, almost blurting it out, and Ava looked at her. "To make up for it."

Ava's mouth quirked up in a smile. "Uh - yeah, okay. I can do dinner."

~the end~

okay so this was fun to write and i kind of want to write more so uhh send me where u think this story should go. or ideas for a part 2 maybe. thanks for reading!!

[silverwhiteraven]

Beauty and Self-Expression in Wing Culture

So it's like 3am as I start to write this, and instead of sleeping at 2am I was thinking about the Wing AU I've been seeing for Miraculous Ladybug, courtesy of these three lovelies: @justaferal-bastard @thechatsmeow @tizzymcwizzy

[Warning: I got carried away and this goes from analysis, to idea, and then into a short fic-snippet.]

Actual Warning: It gets kinda, like, minor-angst about how the idea works?? More of a potential hurt/comfort at the end, IDK? But it has character growth! We stan Adrien rebellion against Gabriel! And healthy use of beauty products!

Anyways!!!

I love AUs like this that are saying 'What if Idea! What if apply Idea to World!' And then there's me, who likes to say 'Yes, yes! Now lets take World, and apply it to Idea.' And this is what happens.

So I was having some thoughts and things about Adrien and his wings, ya know? The wings are always tucked in close to back, always straight up, always prim and proper and stoic, as his Father and social economic class dictates. It puts people off at first because wings are one of the first things you see, one of the first things you subconsciously assess and judge and take into account. But to anyone who actually looks at the rest of him and stays around him and pays attention to him notice, there's a clear disconnect between how he holds his wings and how his actual personality is. It becomes obvious that his wings are like that from years of following a rule of conduct given to him, and a lot of birdie-see-birdie-do behavior of being around his own family and the Bourgeois.

Basically, wings, too, are subjected to self-images and self-expression. People of higher classes use their wings to show their class, power, and wealth; 'I don't fly' is basically 'I don't have to work for what I want'. Lower classes do that sort of thing less and less, and their wings are used more freely to express the self; not just free in actual movement, but with decorations as well, with things like feather-dyes, jewelry, and fake/decorative feathers and down to make themselves more unique and more like themselves.

Then I thought, well, what else? What about cultural beauty standards?

Well wing-types likely will be subjected to this, much like body-types. Already certain wings already have inherent uses. Falcon-like wings for speed, goose wings capable of long distances, hummingbird's for agility; all these physical traits that may or may not even match up with the main body that on its own also gets told has types meant for certain activities (tall people and basketball anybody?). Imagine all those wings that are colored and shaped like those of Birds of Paradise, though, swoon. But those weren't the thoughts I had.

My thought was the techniques in which beauty standards are met and maintained. Physical things that alter the looks. For the normal body, we have things like paddings, corsets, binders, and lifestyles, too, like dieting and working out. Extremes can even go to surgery.

So here was the specific thought I had about Adrien:

Wing-Binding.

Using unseen binds like netting, straps, or even cords, hidden underneath the feathers and down, to hold the wings in place and in whatever form is wanting to be presented.

Everyone should know that long-term and over-use of anything that restricts the body is unhealthy and can cause damage, even permanently. And I imagine Adrien has been modelling since he was small, too, so he would have been subjectes to it since before he even knew what it was, what it could do. Before he could comprehend what was happening and give consent to it.

Shealtered and with all his social and media intake controlled, he would have no clue that these are things he should be allowed to not do. And, sorry to anyone who liked the picture-perfect Mother Image Adrien paints of Emilie, but just like with him not being allowed to go to school or socialize outside of Chloé, or having to work a job and take unwanted extracurricular lessons and activities, Mama Agreste, at the very least, enabled Gabriel to doing something such as Wing-Binding to their unconsenting amd still-growing child.

Given! It isn't absolute in how bad it is, he can remove them for physical activities like P.E. and Fencing, or when photo shoots are doing Wing-Fashion, and when he's at home, too, but still, all that time in public having to use them because his Father says so sucks, a lot.

And again, the damage it could cause, both to his wings as they grow, not being allowed to stretch and strengthen, but also to the feathers, having to grow past and rub and push against what's holding them or sitting below.

It's kinda heartbreaking thinking how lovely he looks but just how much getting to that pleasing image might have just crippled him.

And then I thought about Chat Noir.

Chat, with wings free to move as he pleases, free to droop and drag, free to stretch and feel the wind, free to puff up and shield another.

And when he stretches those wings, be they magically dyed a new color or made bigger, they now have an emphasis on the burden they bear outside of the magic.

The feathers once unseen when tucked are now out and bare, spread out as he makes himself look bigger while he hisses and intimidates an Akuma. Everyone can see how the edges of his feathers are jagged and don't smooth out, some of the shafts are crooked or even broke, and as he beats his wings, they swear some will simply come out, from the quil and all, and disintegrate before they even touch the ground.

Ladybug asks him about it, and he grins and shrugs, "Probably a stylistic choice on my Kwami's part; they aren't actually that bad when I'm out of the suit."

"Mon gryffon," she calls his attention to her with one of her nicknames, a serious and sad look in her eyes. "Not that bad is still bad. Why are they like that?"

"Bindings kinda chaff sometimes, I think the suit just makes it look really bad," he answers, but he doesn't understand, why is she looking at him like that? A little bit of it clicks. "I thought most did it?"

She shakes her head, spreading her own, beautiful wings to him, and he can't help but reach out and run his claws gently through them. Her's don't show the signs of the Wing-Bindings his do. His head snaps to look down to the Parisians on the streets and those above them in the air, looking for signs of his own condition in the open wings. His heart beats hard and it almost hurts as another piece clicks.

"No, Chat Noir," Ladybug answers softly, "that isn't normal... Whoever makes you use those, they shouldn't have. No one still growing their wings should ever use those, ever."

He nods in understanding. His grin, long gone, comes back as he whipes away the tears that has built and he holds out a hand to his partner. "Care for one last fly before we part ways? I think I still need the practice." Especially since I've never flown outside of the suit, and I don't think I'll get a chance to yet, either, goes left unsaid.

But sometimes realizations like this are a part of the recovery. Chat Noir flies with his Lady, and thinks about how Adrien is going to tell his Father he won't wear the Wing-Bindings again, or at least about how to hide the future fact that he got rid of them all so that he can't anyways. He thinks about how he's going to practice flying, maybe ask Marinette for tips.

Chat Noir, the Gryffon of Paris, adds a new determination for the future, alongside winning Ladybug's heart and defeating Hawkmoth: Let his wings be free, and heal, because he'll be damned if he lets Chat Noir be the only time he ever flies, and, once his role as the Black Cat is over, with no suit to aid him, he will simply burn his Father's company to the ground if he never gets to fly again because of what Gabriel had done.

Anyways!! That was the thoughts I was having, it's 4:30am and I hope y'all really like, uh, whatever this is!!!!

[imo-chan-imagines]

Masturbation | FKBU Headcanons

Ever wondered what Daisuke and Haru would be like when they touch themselves?

Characters: Kambe Daisuke, Katou Haru

Tags/warnings: Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sexual activity, male masturbation, headcanons

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: I just wanted to write about them stroking their cocks. I'm thirsty, alright? Cut me some slack 😩 Personally, I'm very much a fan of what I've written for Haru, but that might just be my tastes...

Anyway, thanks for reading, and please enjoy! ♡ And please consider voting in this poll to help me celebrate 100 followers! Thank you! ♡

♤ Kambe Daisuke ♤

Daisuke isn't masturbation-mad he drowns in pussy, so he doesn't feel an overwhelming need all the time

But every now and then, he'll get the urge, and if there's no one around who can satisfy him... 🤷‍♀️

Doesn't feel at all guilty about it because he knows that basically everyone does it and he would probably talk very nonchalantly about it with you if you asked, so if you're into that, you're in luck *wink wonk*

With Daisuke, it's either about pure practicality, or unadulterated indulgence

Either he's hard and distracted, and he needs to not be, so he rubs one out–

Or he's feeling like absolutely spoiling himself, drawing it out as long as possible and making himself feel ~amazing~

If he's being practical, he'll try and get it over with quickly, probably into the toilet or something. No fuss, etc.

If he's feeling like indulging himself, he'll get the whole freaking bedroom ready: soft sheets, high quality porn in HD ready, bottles of lube yes, multiple, different toys all laid out ready to be fucked like crazy–

He totally has Pornhub Premium and has no qualms leaving comments on his favourite videos 😂

He doesn't have to think about anyone in particular when he's masturbating. Sometimes it's a face he knows well, others a stranger he passed in the street. Sometimes they're faceless he's flexible

And, like I said, he has no shame about it. It is what it is 🤷‍♀️

Soooo, Daisuke's favourite toy is a fleshlight that he can mount to a table surface etc. He loves being able to go at it like a real pussy with no hands, and not have to hold back with his thrusts

But the rhythmic banging sound of him fucking it can literally be heard down the entire length of the hallway *dies*

Daisuke, ya ain't slick 😂😭😂

When indulging, he's definitely a fan of gently caressing up and down his cock with a Magic Wand vibrator y'all know the ones I mean until he's covered in precum 😍🤤

If he's in a relationship or seeing someone, he has no shame in video-calling said person and fucking himself in front of them I mean 😳😳

I volunteer as tribute!!

And he's happy for them to join in and start touching themselves too the more the merrier!

He's comfortable with flaunting just how hard you they make him 🤑

He'll definitely keep his favourite pictures and videos of his encounters on his phone to ~use~ at his leisure

He'll casually scroll through the special folder on his phone at incredibly inappropriate times and smirk to himself

His face doesn't change too much when he's stroking his cock. It gets a little serious and he frowns like when he's pissed off and serious in the anime and his cheeks are tinged with a light blush, but on the whole, he's pretty collected

And you won't hear much from him other than grunts, heavy breaths, and stifled groans they're deep and gruff, and so fucking hot 🥵

But he is pretty strong and vigorous, I will say that. No soft, delicate touches and submissive moans here

Daisuke doesn't make love – he fucks, and that's exactly how he gets off by himself hnngg

Sometimes he just likes to see how long he can last, edging himself over and over for hours, sensitive and shaking, until he cums and shoots a massive load 😳🤫

I know I said he's not masturbation-mad, and he's not. He doesn't do it that often, but he likes to be at the top of his game, and he likes feeling good 🤗

There's a particular vein on the underside of his massive cock, that from past experiences if it's stroked or caressed, produces a highly pleasurable and intoxicating feeling

And he'll use this to his advantage, deliberately thumbing over it with fervour he likes to imagine someone's tongue curling up and down it 😏

Like, yes Daddy 🥵 let me suck your cock for you 🥺

He's literally so confident about it all. Absolute king 👑

☆ Katou Haru ☆

So, like Daisuke, Haru's not exactly crazy about masturbation, but rather than it being an occasional thing, it's more like a phase that comes and goes?

He'll go for a month or more with hardly needing to touch himself at all

And then – BOOM! Man can't go more than a couple of hours without needing to cum again

Literally can hardly do it enough

When he gets in that rut, Haru gets... desperate and it's so hot

Unlike Daisuke, Haru is very vocal when touching himself etc.

His face gets incredibly flushed, his eyes get hazy, and his hips basically move on their own I want to see iittt, pleeaase 🥺

Haru can't really afford toys etc. and would literally die of embarrassment from purchasing them so what he tends to do is:

Use his hand to stroke his cock

Make a homemade pocket pussy look up how, my peeps. It's quite easy

Or his most usual way humping things like crazy

One of his favourite ways of getting off, is taking two cushions/pillows, sliding his cock between them, and thrusting into them I highly recommend if you enjoy the movement of thrusting

I'm told it's surprisingly more intimate than stroking your own cock

When he gets like that, it's a because of an immediate need to be satisfied, and sometimes he won't even fully take off his trousers

He'll just be grinding away at it, desperately gripping the futon underneath him as he imagines being inside a tight, warm pussy, his hips getting faster and sloppier until he cums 🤪🤤

Lorddd, my body is readyyy 😩

Completely the opposite to Daisuke, Haru gets incredibly embarrassed about the whole topic, and also feels a strong amount of shame and guilt 😔

Especially when he thinks about an actual person which is why he tries not to, but he really thrives off of intimacy and connection, so it's hard

If he's in a relationship/seeing someone, he'll always make sure they're okay with him masturbating, thinking about them, etc. beforehand

Haru's the kind of guy who'll have a wet dream and start grinding against the futon in his sleep, and wake up just in time to feel himself orgasm and it normally gets all over him

Idk if that really counts as masturbation? I mean, I guess, right?

The tip of Haru's cock is really sensitive, so when his uses his hand, he likes to gently encircle it with his thumb which makes him leak so much precum 💦

Oh, and Haru is also a big fan of milking himself 😍

When he's in a rut and feeling desperate, he likes nothing better than to spend the entire mornings or afternoons of his day off cooped up in his flat, fucking himself over and over, until his cock's drained and he's completely worn out 🤫🤭🤤

Guess what he'd want to be doing with you on his days off...

But then, almost as if it never happened, like a switch has been flipped, he'll be back to normal for a month or so, and won't feel the need to jerk off more than a couple of times a week

And he gets so embarrassed about it 😭😭

He throws out the pocket pussy he made literally dying thinking about how many times and how desperately he fucked it so then he always has to make a new one all over again 😭😭

He gets scared about people finding out horny he gets and what they'll think of him 😫

Like, hush baby. I'd love to take care of you when you're like that 🤗 Cum inside me as much as you want 🥺

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider voting in this poll to help me celebrate reaching 100 followers! Thank you!

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[lavenderek]

this is gonna be "queer discourse" feel free to skip

look as a disclaimer, i don't usually participate in this conversation because it's exhausting and it literally never goes anywhere? all that happens is one side writes feature length symposia on queer history and the other side feels talked down to and attacked and refuses to read it and both sides just start ignoring each other's arguments and they get further entrenched in their own perspective and nobody learns anything or bridges any gaps. im just becoming an old crone like that was too loud, i share characteristics with the hag

but we keep having power outages over here and it's disrupting my work and making me cranky so buckle up because betps coming to town

it's just that i didn't really enjoy this persons argument* because the entire point of an umbrella term is not having to give detailed disclosures of your identity lmao. like the whole purpose is for everyone to be included without having to prove themselves. including and especially you! op says they know they're gatekeeping so like at least they're self aware lmao

but i don't actually have to show you my fukken gay diagnosis papers to prove to you i'm not just a "cishet who's a little quirky" lmfao what're you a cop? mind your business shgdikfs

nobody is claiming queer has never been a slur. where has anyone ever claimed that. if you manage to muscle your way through those long ass speeches pro queer people write they all pretty explicitly lay out the history of the term. over and over again. from different users. because they're all pretty convinced y'all don't know about it. i assumed you did and they were preaching to the choir.

long story short it's been used to refer to the community for generations, it's also been used as a slur for just as long, and it's your personal choice whether or not you identify with it but you can't take it away from me.

also hey you know what while we're here on my blog i might as well put my shit out there, i don't actually care that queer studies are called queer studies in academia and i don't care if straight people refer to the queer community. once they start saying "queers" or using it as an insult they're over the line. homophobes who make fun of lgbtq for being too long can leave but it is unwieldy to say verbally and no i don't care if you think that's a shitty comment to make. i think the only reason lgbtq hasn't become a slur people have yelled at them is because it's so unnatural to say out loud lmfao okay wait actually that's actually kind of a power move. like when prince started identifying as a symbol and a ton of places had to install new software to be able to write about him

also it's my opinion that microlabels are actively detrimental to identity and community. it starts being about specifically designating an identity that includes an extremely small amount of people so that you can shrink the definition to remove people you don't agree with 🤖 the rainbow flag was never intended to be specific to gay men, it was always supposed to be for the entire community. i think finding pride and acceptance in your own identity is gold and diamonds but i don't think it's helpful to designate yourself a myers briggs score of what type of queer you are and why bi people are different at the expense of connecting with the community as a whole.

like what's the barrier here, is it the terfs? do you not want to be queer because there's terfs? terfs are no more welcome in the queer community than racists are, like help us clean up our community we all live here. sorry! we're family! maybe you don't want to be family with me but you gotta! as soon as i decided to be gay it stopped being optional please grieve and move on

idk i think you should extend your f*g argument to the other side of the conversation. im sensing some strawman bias over there. seems like you're super frustrated and that's heavily informing your perspective on the topic. but nobody asked me! probably because i'm just a fake queer who's actually just a quirky cishet. oh fuck that's why you don't want to be under an umbrella with me. welp 🤷‍♀️

tldr i'm queer and bisexual, sorry to disappoint anyone who is just now finding this out about me! if you unfollow please don't let me know about it! please also don't reblog this!

smell ya later!

*please don't contact this person if you disagree with them lmfao leave them tf alone they're allowed to say what they want on their own blog

[unseelie-bitch]

Season 1 Episode 5: Wither Into the Truth [Part Two]

Hate that they've decided since Riven is getting a redemption arc Dane is getting the edgy "bad-boy" music

Also it's fucking ridiculous that they've decided the young, black, bisexual guy is going evil while the homophobic, misogynistic white man is actually just a sadboy who never wanted to be here and just needed someone who would listen to his feelings

"One bad thing" you PUBLICLY mocked her for being fat and liking you. YOU'RE A FUCKING DICK, DANE, DON'T PUT THIS ON TERRA

Going absolutely INSANE over the fact Aisha just used her magic spray Dane in the face

Silva would DEFINATELY sacrifice the few for the many Sky, come on

Imma say that Bloom's town created the Burned Ones and any fire fairies have a connection to them, which is why they disappeared after the Incident and why Bloom was taken out of the fairy realm and Beatrix wasn't. But now she's back and so are they, and also, let's be honest, Rosalind probs only saved her to try and control the Burned Ones

There are torches Bloom, why did you light the ground on fire

And Bloom and Sky are kissing. I just... don't care

Oop magic disc is GLOWING

LMAO SHE DRUGGED HIMMM

Oh Noura's fucking dead

Oh shit that's a LOT of Burned Ones

"I have feelings - and if I can't express them verbally, I'm not above poltergeisting" THIS IS THE STELLA WE DESERVE AND THE ONE WE COULD (AND SHOULD) HAVE HAD ALL ALONG

Okay so I hate this show but I am literally BEGGING someone to gif the "*snap* I have an opinion" moment and let me download it to use for everything because it's so important to me. Genuinely guys please can someone give me that gif idk how to make it myself and it's literally the entirity of this blog summed up in a single moment

Dowling's face when Bloom said "Asterdel" LMAO this woman did NOT need this today

PLEASE give us backstory Fara

Fara, Rosalind and Greenhouse man have THAT MUCH POWER?? Shit, man

"Why would she do that" because Rosalind is a shady👏bitch👏

"I will help you get the answers you need. I give you my word" she seemed to mean that so... Dowling's gonna die

Beatrix is NOT okay and clearly has 0 independent thought who the FUCK raised her to be like this

Why is Bloom happy to see Stella y'all haven't had a SINGLE positive interaction for the entire show

This writer has never had an actual friend in his life and I know this because THIS IS WHAT HE THINKS FRIENDSHIP IS

Yep send the kids out to defend Alfea. Good planning, lads

Once again, super unnatural dialogue. Dowling doesn't need to describe what she's doing it would have been obvious from... the sounds of the forest getting amplified

So Aisha's snitching. After they deliberately wrote the line with her saying 'no, she isn't Dowling's pet, she was in fact actively spying for Bloom because that's how much she cares about her'. Because he is literally INCAPABLE of writing the black woman as a consistant character, oh no, instead she just becomes whatever he decides he wants for that scene. And the worst part is - you had a character that would have snitched! Terra! Terra could have easily told her dad who would then tell the rest of them, all without breaking her predefined character. But no, of course Aisha should be the one to break because CLEARLY he doesn't value her character at all

Lmao you're using Dane to spring the trap?

LMAO STELLA'S USING BEATRIX YES STELLA

"See? My ideas rock" THIS is accurate Stella rep, lads

That was clearly supposed to be a callback to Terra saying she missed Stella insulting her but it just felt super weird and forced. Who the FUCK let this man write

How do you know it's that door there's a whole other tunnel??

Also I swear when Beatrix came down here it was just like... a stairwell into a room? What happened????

Cave walls straight to brick, of course

Hello Roz you sneaky motherfucker

HATE the mind talking but here we are

[One episode left. Thank GOD it's almost over]

[chiyohsrifle]

Got tagged by the marvelous @hvnnigram and I can't wait to bare my soul to you guys. this is a long one, so let's go!!

Rules: Tag people you want to get to know better 🖤

Your name and then what you would've named yourself: My full name is Montserrat (I'm Mexican, in case you couldn't tell. Well Mexican-American but anywho) but I typically go by Montse. Mainly cuz people struggle to pronounce my full name hehe but I also just think it's less of a mouthful. Idk, I honestly really love my name and don't think I'd change it given the chance. Maybe something shorter just cuz paperwork can be a bitch. I like Rene but otherwise, I'm pretty attached to my name lol.

Astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I'm a sun Pisces, a moon Aries, and a rising Virgo, I believe :)) All in all, I'm an emotional, empathetic bitch

When did you join Tumblr and why?: Was going through my emails yesterday and I've been here for a year?? apparently. So yea, I joined Aug./Nov. of 2019 and I'm almost certain it was cuz I wanted to see more Good Omens fanart lol. But I got more active this year cuz quarantine do be forcing me to have some wack coping mechanisms. Also BBC Merlin had me reeling and I needed somewhere to scream.

Top 5 fandoms: Hannibal (obviously), BBC Merlin, Killing Eve, Good Omens, and The Umbrella Academy 😊

Top 5 favorite films: (oh Lord, the cinema buff in me is Panicking rn) God, there's so many I love but I'll try to give varietyTM. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Parasite (2019), The Wind Rises (2013), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014).

Go to song when you wanna Feel something: if we're talking like emotionally charged, TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan always sends me reeling. Endorphins wise, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel always makes me wanna jump and move around. And La Vie Boheme from RENT, just pure serotonin

What's your religion or faith, if you have one?: I was raised with a heavy Catholic background but I'm agnostic, I believe is the term. Basically, I don't think there's not a God or higher power(s). I just don't align with anything specifically. But I do believe there's something running things, whether that be spirits, the stars, gods, etc. I can't say.

A song that makes you feel seen: Not to be a theatre kid on main but, Breathe from In The Heights. That song and whole musical hold such a special place in my heart, esp with Nina's character cuz I'm Nina. Every part of that song just Gets Me and i ugh, can't articulate it but yea, that song be me.

If you could pick a career: A writer or painter. Anything creative/artsy really cuz crafting is just so calming to me.

Do you have a type?: ngl, I'm kinda the 'falls in love with their best friend' stereotype but beyond that, not really. I kinda just see attractive people and mentally short circuit

What does your soul/heart yearn for?: Not to sound like a character from Hannibal, but to be understood. To be cared for and feel supported. To allow myself to rest and be comforted/loved. Just to feel safe ig. Whoop, that got personal, anywho

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: intelligent, caring, awkward, Very Queer, and chaotic

Favorite subject in school: English and History!! I think they're absolutely fascinating and I'm gay so obviously I connect way too much with literature

Where does your soul feel most at home at?: Close to someone that I love, in comfortable silence. Or any situation where I have wind blowing in my face, it's super comforting and idk why

Top 5 fictional characters: Rowena from SPN, Bella Crawford, Beverly Katz, Eve Polastri, and Jack Crawford

Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry:

1. The ending of Your Lie In April. Idk if any of yall have experienced that, but let me know if you have cuz shared trauma. I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe. Dry heaving and everything, it was Not Pretty

2. Like literally all of One Day At Time. I know, it's cheesy but that show means a lot to me and I get so emotional watching it cuz I connect to the characters so much. Anything with Elena makes me sob cuz like she's me but also my baby, ya know

3. Um Queer Eye in general but specifically the episode with the gay pastor. That hit close to home on so many levels and boy, was I sobbing the entire time.

(Before y'all ask, honorable mention to Mizumono, TWOTL, and the ending of BBC Merlin cuz I may have been too tired to cry, but trust me, I was emotionally wrecked after all three)

The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with the stars but I love that lesbian space rock too

Favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms, rain, cloudy, grey weather. Fall, I love the fall, give me autumn pleASE

Top 3 characters to kin you with: Guinevere Pendragon from BBC Merlin, Vanya Hargreeves from TUA, and Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal

Favorite medium of art: I love all art very much but I guess drawing and film especially

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Gonna say ambivert cuz I can be shy but buckle up, cuz the second I'm comfortable around you, it's absolute chaos. You will learn too much about me and that's okay 😌

Favorite literary quote: If poetry counts, it's something like "And if the devil was to ever see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent". Idk who wrote it but it's an Arabic love poem. Actual book quote tho, "But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try not to change, but I keep changing, in all these little ways." from Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda cuz damn me too.

Some of your favorite books: Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Lee, Autoboygraphy, and Copper Sun

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: Europe or New York. No real specifics for Europe, defiently leaning more towards Western Europe and the Mediterranean cuz they just seem so pretty. And NY cuz I want a studio apartment hehe and also I adore NY. I went a couple years back and just fell in love. Although live is a loose term cuz I've always thought of moving around a lot. I like traveling and settling down isn't really convenient for that so these are kinda just ideals lol

If you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: Oh, defiently 60s/70s. Also, anytime matriarch societies were common cuz I wanna see what that looked like

If you could play any instrument masterfully, it would be: the acoustic guitar and piano. Maybe violin, but those two for sure

If you have one, which god or goddess do you feel more connected to?: I've always really vibed with Athena so her. But also Diyonuses cuz man's is the ideal.

And finally, your favorite recent selfie in your camera role:

(Excuse the eye bags and look in general, I was sleepy when I took it)

Whoo, that's all folks. I'm just gonna say that any of my followers/mutuals who want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. Thanks for tag, once again, babe!!

[raleigh-ocean]

troubles of a learning heart, part 1 | billie dean howard x dara ann lynch

words: 12,580

summary: Love was quite the difficult thing at times, Billie thought many times, and she admired Dara for spending the last seven years how it felt to be truly loved, however when she started to try and give back that love to her...well, let’s say she didn’t expect that there would be moments in which she would have to step forward and actively show it. But, as she lies in bed with Dara still by her side, she thinks that she will make it as long as her heart pick up quick in the habits, in the ways of showing her dear love that she’s being reciprocated. First part of two.

warning: anxiety attack? Idk I kinda wanna give y’all some warning that there’s a heavy part near the end.

n/a: I want to thank @grilledcheeseandguavajelly for encouraging me to post it, because I’ve been feeling like a no-no since I finished this yesterday. This is full of tiny headcanons and bits from other of my stories and some others I want to write, so I hope you enjoy it. This first part is like a prequel to put a context to the next chapter of ‘over my skin, part 3’ and the second part would be the resolution of this big thing, because it goes deeper. I’m trying to make Billie finally build her love, all those raw feelings she has for Dara and put her into a few situations I think it will help her. 

"Here you go papi, take it easy, don't want your mother to scream at both because you spilled your ice-cream all over your new shirt so soon."

Billie looked at Dara in that moment with a mix of fondness and amusement, trying at the same time to find a way to help the other seven year old boy, who was smiling at his brother with all the happiness a kid could gather up when given what they wanted.

Her attention drifted a bit when a loud chuckle interrupted the moment, the teenage girl that was fighting her chocolate ice-cream from melting all over her hand snapping her out of the calm picture and getting a scowl back from the last boy.

"Auntie always has shirts to spare around because they get messy," the scowling boy - Ezra, Billie recalled his name this time - was barely two months older than the twin boys, but since she met him, Billie found out that he was an intelligent and straight-to-the point kid. 

"I figure, y'all lot have the same curse with food and clothes," Dara smiled at him with the sweetest dimpled smile, which was returned with a similar one from Ezra. "I remember when your sister was around your age that your abuelita always had sweatpants ready in case of an accident."

That made the teenager blush fiercely and the kids to giggle, Billie trying to hide her own smile eating some of her own ice-cream. 

Today was being a good day so far even when she had her doubts about it when it started, taking in count she was not used to babysit. But she thought it was good in someway, an exception to make her remember that even when she was in some kind of vacation from work, it felt good to be able to do something instead of just sitting around in a house that was still pretty much unknown for her.

"What? Did I lie mami?" Dara, in a smooth move, saved some vanilla ice-cream from falling into the table and then ate a spoonful of her own - Billie always found funny how most of the time Dara picked fruit flavors. 

"Please aunt Dara, stop calling me that," Eva - Billie remembered that one easily - gave Billie a quick glance before trying to hide somehow her embarrassment.

"Yeah, give her a rest babe," Billie was fast to pick up that and with the pet name, she had Dara smiling at her and throwing her hands in the air, all of that before lowering her voice a bit. "I think her friends overheard you enough back at the mall."

"Fine, fine, I'm only stopping because you gonna get enough of it once we are back at the house," Dara took a look over her niece and nephews before standing up. "I'm getting some more napkins before any mess happens."

It was weird for Billie to see that 'doting aunt' side of Dara, but she couldn't help but think how much it suited her. Hearing her talk with soft and cheerful voice here and there, only made Billie believe that her partner was a natural when it came to take care of the rest.

She looked at her for a second, seeing how much Dara was limping but not complaining about it, and it filled Billie with some sick respect for her...and worry. 

However her attention drifted once again when Ezra asked her if he could try some of her ice-cream in a shy tone, mostly because his sister didn’t seem to let him indulge in that. Not having Dara by her side made Billie nervous for some reason, probably because she wasn’t used to be in her own in this situation. And also because she didn’t know much about Dara’s hometown, so it was a strange situation for sure.

“Kids!” the sudden masculine voice startled Billie, making her heart to start beating faster. “Where’s your mom, hmm?”

“¡Tío!” it was then when Billie entered the panic zone because two of the four kids were moving faster than she could, going to hug a man that she never saw before. “We’re eating ice-cream!”

This tall man, with leather vest, an old t-shirt of some kind of festival and baggy jeans. His hair was slicked back except for a few loose strands that fell over his forehead. He had tattoos covering his arms and some showing through the neck of his shirt.

“That can I see and taste,” the man laughed because he had pick up the twins, they were kissing him in his cheeks and giving him to try their desserts, and then his eyes went to Billie first before looking at the teenager girl. “Where’s Diana or your mother, Eva? I thought Carla didn’t let you go alone outside.”

“We aren’t alone,” Ezra interceded, scowling once again, but not looking at the man. “We are with aunt Billie…”

If Billie was nervous and about to panic, hearing the kid addressing her like that calmed her in a weird way. She wasn't a stranger to be called aunt, her own sister had a couple of kids, but she visited them so little that it was just as weird. She smiled at him, but the man didn’t even seem to acknowledge Ezra nor her because he kept looking at Eva with an inquisitive look. Eva didn’t seem to want to talk and Billie wasn’t sure if she was afraid or just the stubborn teenager part, but she did it the same with a strange glint of pride that Billie already saw somewhere that she couldn’t pinpoint at the moment.

“Working. Aunt Dara came a few days ago, she’s watching over us,” it was time for the man to go pale suddenly. 

“Edo, Ev, you’re gonna make a mess all over your uncle, get down papis, c'mon.”

Obedient as ever, the twins wiggled their way to the ground and Billie got her stomach in a tight knot only by feeling how the still cheerful situation dropped to one more serious. Dara was leaning in her cane with both hands, looking at the man that was now facing her, a nervous smile over his lips.

"Ana, how you doin'?" There wasn't a visible height difference, but Billie got the feeling that the man shortened when he leant to kiss Dara's cheek in a friendly way - and receiving a soft one back in response. "Didn't know you were back."

"For a few days, yeah, we're on vacation and decided to spend it with my family," the sentiment in Billie's guts got tighter when Dara was adamant in making a point with the way she said the 'we', tapping her cane in the ground twice. "And I've never been better Godo. I'm spending the morning with my niece and nephews, what else could I ask for?"

"That's amazing th-"

"Tío Godo asked where's mama, tía," Eduardo, the twin with the bright green shirt, was quick to speak over the adult while hugging Dara's good leg.

Billie saw the way Godo sunk a bit more with that, how Dara's brown eyes hardened and how Eva looked away almost immediately.

"Is that so, hmm?" Dara hummed, fixing Eduardo's messy black hair with quick fingers, the gold of her rings shining a bit while her attention went from the kid to the man.

"Just checking in Ana, y'know I worry about the kids and they were alone," Godo chuckled nervously and Billie immediately felt a soft static in her skin. "I bet you understand."

"Uncle here asked for mom too," Eva chirped, only making Dara to tighten her jaw a second before flashing one of her smiles. 

"But they weren't alone, my partner here was with them," Billie absolutely didn't want to get any attention, unlike the rest of the time in her life. "As I am, so now you can go your way with your worries eased. I'm sure you can give my sisters a call if you wanted to speak with them, right?" Godo nodded and the static went away, Dara smiling at him again as if she was even glad to have met him there. "Great, then it was nice to see you, Big G."

When he was gone, Billie smiled almost shyly at Dara and was met with the purest form of happiness in the way the woman smiled her back. It was as if the encounter didn't happen and Billie knew right off the bat that there was a long story behind all of the animosity that the kids missed by a head - except maybe for Eva, which started to act a bit softer towards her little brother.

After that they resumed the ice-cream time a few minutes later and decided to make a quick stop to get burgers for take out. Billie knew Dara always liked to actually eat in the place, but by the way her leg was acting up, it was for the best to take everything back to the house instead of staying for lunch.

"Annie, everything alright?" asked Billie while the kids were already running towards Dara's parents and Eva was carrying the bags with the food.

"Yeah honey, just a bit tired but nothing a nap can't fix," Dara leant for a kiss, one longer than the tiny pecks they shared over the morning. "I'm hungry actually, and you?"

"I'm hungry too," Billie chuckled, wrapping her arms better around Dara's waist and drawing a giggle from her. A new slow kiss making them  forget their chances of making out like teenagers against Dara's mother's car were getting high. "But nothing we can’t fix before your nap," that made Dara laugh and Billie smiled big at her. "If we can, of course, I mean...did you see your nephews? We should be running before they eat our food too."

"Their stomachs are like black holes, incredible, isn't it?" Dara pressed her lips against Billie's in a lazy and tired kiss, before lacing their arms together so they could walk inside with the rest. "I think is a genetic thing."

And after only one day around Dara's family, Billie knew that it was true. She never saw so much food disappear so fast in a long while, and she was living with Dara for almost four years now and with her for almost three more.

…

“Who was the guy?”

Billie managed to pull away from the charm that was Dara spreading body cream in her legs to finally ask the question. They’d claimed the main bathroom for themselves after everyone had their turn and they were taking every extra second of that privacy. 

Against the odds, Dara passed out the second she touched the inflatable mattress and Billie took that time to indulge in answering some emails at first, but after the few first ones it became impossible to do something else with Dara cuddling her right side with such sweet face. Would it be hard to take a quick nap? When they woke up, Billie thought she had been hit with a rock, her eyes too heavy, but tiny kisses helped her to get rid of the sleep.

If they tried to get some well deserved private moment, it was broken the second Darziel - Dara’s little brother - came through the door complaining about how their mother was doing some kind of zafarrancho to get ready for tonight’s dinner. Dara had hit him with her cane, repeatedly, until she managed to get him out of the room and then Ezra came in running from the twins, trying to get a place to hide. Billie knew it was a matter of time they got interrupted again and she was right the moment Deirdre - Dara’s biggest sister and Eva and Ezra’s mom - came into the room, hiding as well from her own mother…

...and in a matter of time, the room was crowded.

“Who?” asked Dara, fixing a bit her loose robe, but not stopping from going through the little routine. Billie was used to see it and appreciate it by now and seeing her so bare, raw, natural, helped greatly each time to remind her how much she loved her girl. 

“Badass Godo-guy,” explained Billie, getting as comfortable as she humanly could, sitting in an old stool and her back to the tile wall. “He was pretty adamant in ignoring not only me but your nephew. Ezra told him I was with them but turned a deaf ear on it.”

For a second Billie forgot what was she saying because Dara turned around, the robe loose again and letting her see...well, some pretty nice things; and walked towards her - barely two steps because the bathroom wasn’t really big - to sit in her lap. Billie feared for a second the stool was going to collapse under their weight, but it was resilient enough. Hands on hips, hands on shoulders and Dara was sighing softly while playing with the ends of Billie’s blonde hair.

“My brother-in-law’s brother...Diana’s,” Billie silently thanked the clarification, drawing her thumbs over Dara’s thighs in random patterns - she was extra careful with the one scarred. “He’s a fucking bully, went with me to high school. Godofredo doesn’t like many people and the sentiment is mutual.”

“For being a bully, you got him acting like a tiny pupper, doll,” Dara was the one smiling shyly this time, getting a kiss just for that. 

“Let’s say that I...beat him up really hard once,” Billie kissed Dara’s knuckles and fingers, bare from her usual rings, and then the inside of her wrist were one of her cross tattoos rested. “And twice, and thrice...and broke a chair in his back.” It was then when Billie looked at her wide-eyed. “That one had to do with why he ignored my nephew like that.”

Billie knew they would’ve been at it right away again, but she felt satisfied with what they did in the shower for some reason. That’s why they were last to shower, because Dara took in her hands all the things her siblings didn’t want to do - helping her mother in the kitchen, per example; driving her uncle Cedric to his appointment afterwards while Billie tried to help Dara's father in the backyard - to have the rest of the time from there to dinner free. 

It was their time, only theirs to do as they wanted, and Billie wanted to actually fill it with more than sex.

Talking was good, she liked hearing Dara talk, and hearing more about her was even better. She was genuinely interested in whatever she was about to hear...because all she could focus in was the woman sitting in her lap, not in whatever was floating inside her brain almost twenty four seven.

“Godo and Berto’s oldest brother is Eva’s father,” Billie saw Dara frowning and she leant to kiss her chin, getting one in her cheek in response. “I don’t even care where the fuck he is now, Berto neither, but Godo always looked up to his big brother. Fifteen years has passed and he still forgets that his brother lost any right as father and partner the day he left my sister to her own devices, and that’s only the top of the list,” there was tiredness in Dara’s voice and a hint of rage that faded when Billie focused in keep drawing soft patterns in her skin. “It took my sister eight years to finally move on, she got married and soon Ezra was in the way. Godo still takes that as a treason or I don’t even know at this point...and well, the rest is story.”

“But I don’t get how you ended up breaking a chair in his back,” it was a lot to take in, to be fair, but Dara couldn’t help but laugh when Billie tried to lighten the mood in the bathroom. 

“He decided to be a super duper asshole towards Deirdre while we were doing groceries, and well, a twenty-five years old me was really...let’s say I had a lot of pent up anger. I was invited to a party and you know how I get with the gin and he had the fucking audacity to show up,” Dara shrugged a bit and kissed Billie on the lips, sweet and slow while indulging in the intimate embrace. “If it wasn’t for Daya, he would have had a broken pool stick going clean through his thigh.”

“Wait, twenty-five, we already met when you did all of that?” Billie blinked fast at that and Dara blushed hard. “Now I can see why you were so-”

“Oh shush, I still am like that or did you forget what we did a week ago?” it was time for Billie to laugh and Dara to act like she was offended by what she said. Act because of the way she bit her cheek playfully. “But I did soften since then.”

She didn’t think that Dara actually softened, sometimes Billie could see that fierceness in her eyes, but she let her have that because she decided to move when someone knocked on the door. It was Dara’s father, Jeziel, telling them that they needed help to set up the table. Billie muffled a laugh against her hand when Dara silently punched the air and pinched the bridge of her nose before replying that they were going down in ten.

“See?” Dara started to gather their things to get back to the room. “This is why I like your sister."

"Do you now?" Billie raised an eyebrow, because she knew how much Dara despised Josephine - Jo wasn't really polite with her and openly declared her dislike for Dara, even when Dara herself always tried to be the most polite ever, to the point that even Billie and Jo's father had started to make positive comments towards the younger woman. 

"Yeah, with her at least I see the knife that's gonna stab me," Dara laughed openly and Billie couldn't help but chuckle with her. "Bunch of traitors, I'm telling you, we gonna steal the natillas and the vodka bottle and go feast by the pool."

"Baby, you're on your medication," Billie caught Dara by the waist, spinning her around so she could kiss her once again. "You can't get hammered."

"Calamities never come alone," Billie knew it was a rough translation of some spanish words just by how weird was it phrased, but it was okay, who cared anyway? "Would my lady in shining armor come save us from doing the dishes tonight?"

God, why was she so goofy unexpectedly? Dara didn't seem to want to let go, her arms circling Billie's neck with care and pressing slow kisses down her cheeks to her neck. It wasn't fair, it had to be illegal!

"We'll use one of the twins as distraction and the other to steal the car keys, I'll take you anywhere you want me to," she tried to sound dreamy, fairy tale-sque even, but all she did was sound a bit desperate. "Pick a direction and I'll drive."

"God, how much I love you Billie Dean," the next kiss was glorious, taking in count it was probably the big last one until they were again in their room late at night later. "But we should go already, honey, let's go."

And that was it, their private moment ended with a dreamy sight and a kiss to die for, and Billie felt like something in her chest beamed with pride, love and a deepness she was getting fond of. 

Dara was a slow walker now, to her own dismay since she hated moving slow, so it was easy to capture her hand and intertwine their fingers. Billie opened her mouth for a second, thinking about what she was going to say next, and Dara looked at her with curiosity filling her tired eyes. Without make-up, Billie could see the tiny freckles over her nose and cheeks better and it only added her a whole new level of cuteness.

"Are you okay Bills?" it was a question in a whisper, genuine worry laced with the words.

"Yes, it's only that I...well," she wanted to say it, she really wanted but it was too difficult. "I…" Dara's eyes shone in anticipation, one that made Billie feel a bit bad. "I think you didn't softened, you only got wiser and more patient."

How hard actually was when Dara said it to her almost everyday?

"Absolutely, if twenty-five me would had been in the same situation as thirty-two me today, that man would had been at the dentist to get fake teeth for real as of now," Dara giggled, hiding away the little disappointment upon not hearing those words she wanted to hear so bad, and kissed Billie's cheek sweetly. "Not letting him go with the soft warning of 'go already or I'll break your ribs with my cane'," one more kiss to Billie's nose and a dimpled smile. "Now let's go, before Diana breaks a new plate in the way to set up the table."

...

Billie didn’t know what to do at that point and it perfectly showed.

She always had easy talk ready to overcome awkward situations, that’s how she survived to lots of parties all those years. But Dara could see that it wasn't that easy for her right in this moment, not when she was watching Deirdre and Diana argue over God knows what and none seemed to want to stop them.

Dara was used to that, Deirdre was always out of touch with the fact that Diana was sensitive and Diana always forgot that Deirdre loved to burn every argument down to the base. It didn't help at all that her mom was trying to give Billie some pointers about, again, God knows what and that was messing up with any tempo her dear medium was trying to keep. She wanted to go save her before it was too late for her head, but she was busy getting the plates over the table in order while Eduardo tried to talk her ear off about the show he seemed to love so much these days.

How could a seven years old talk that much and so fast? If she wasn't trained with the old ladies at the store, she would've gone insane only five seconds in.

"¿En serio, papi? Give me that," Dara smiled at her nephew, not wanting to cut his speech but needing the cutlery in his hands. Eduardo gave it to her without taking a break from talking. "Hmm, abuelita gave you more forks, someone's coming?" But the kid was too deep in his world of explaining to his favourite part to actually pay more attention than the necessary to his aunt. "Well, we'll see later then."

It was something that didn't worry Dara at all, taking in count in her house there was always more people than the usual. Maybe her parents invited some friend over or her siblings, who knows? Reaching for her cane, which she left against the table, Dara decidedly tried to move towards Billie now that she was free.

Her grandfather, Bruno, saved the medium from the little chaos and they were sharing a comfortable silence in the couch, or at least that much Dara could see. Seeing both like that, two of the most important people in her life getting along well, made her stomach explode with butterflies as if she was a teenager again. And she wanted to be part of it too, even when she overheard some ruckus in the front door.

However, the ruckus had a name and Dara was interrupted in her tiny quest of making her way to Billie because of the new guest at the house.

"Oh God, Dara!!!!!" Loud as ever, the asian girl crossing the backyard door was smiling directly at her, running with open arms towards her and meeting in a big hug. "How long since I last saw you? Instagram posts doesn't count, it's been forever!"

"Don't be dramatic Gemma, I was here a couple months ago," Dara couldn't help but laugh at her soon sister-in-law's antics. "I hope Darziel is treating you right."

"Your brother will always treat me well," Gemma's laugh was clear and soft, making Dara feel at ease only with that. "Where's your mom, by the way? My mom made me brought over some desserts and other things."

"Kitchen...I think? You know the drill, follow the panicked voice and you'll find her," they both laughed with that and Gemma hugged her again, Dara indulging on it because well, she missed her friend, to be honest. "At my left at dinner like always?"

"Of course! Your right is for your grangran, how can I stole his sea-"

"Actually, tonight Billie is at my right," the statement made Gemma stop from walking and she looked back at Dara with surprise and curiosity written all over he face. "He's at her right."

"No way, is she here?" Hearing Gemma so excited only because Billie came to Sacramento this time, made Dara happily hum and nodded where Billie was now shyly chatting with Deirdre's husband. "Okay, okay, later you'll fill me with details and I'll try to sell my soul to the devil so you two have a table at the restaurant before you go back home," Gemma squeezed Dara's hand over the cane and smiled big at her before Ezra drew her attention, hugging her by the thighs. "Hey, big guy! Let's go see your granny, I brought your favourite mini-cakes."

When Gemma was gone, Dara couldn't help but chuckle to herself. Who would have tell that an eight year gap was something difficult in a friendship? She practically saw Gemma grow up in the woman she was today, her brother and her the bestest of friends until the spark of love grew between them and became more. To this day, it still amazed Dara how everyone was so blind to not see how Darziel was head over heels with her since they were little.

Maybe she could tell Billie that story at the promised dinner at Gemma's parents' restaurant.

Looking towards her blonde, Dara caught Billie asking for silent help because Abraham was drifting away in the conversation - as always - and she was getting even more lost if it was possible. Yeah, she totally needed to save her girl, be the knight in shining armour first and all those nice things.

But right in the moment she was about to take the first step, she heard it clear even over the voices of everyone. 

The whir of a motorbike making a left in the corner of the street, the engine stopping in front of the house...it was loud enough to fill the silence of the street even when the house was alive with voices. It made Dara's stomach churn anxiously just with that, because she knew that exact sound by heart and soul. She really wanted it to be a hallucination because of the mix of allergy and pain meds, but the doorbell going off told her it wasn't.

Frozen like she was, Dara managed to turn around when she heard the rest welcoming the new guest that came through the backyard door. She wasn't ready for this, not at all, but she composed her best smile by the moment her eyes locked with those she knew from a long time ago, filled with surprise and something deeper, something she wasn't sure what it was because she was too worried to not runaway in that moment.

"Dara...Ana," her second name was always the way to soften her and only three people in this world could make it work. "You look beautiful, how are you?"

Her grandfather, Billie and Benjamin, her ex.

"Getting ready for the feast," Dara smiled in automatic and she immediately knew Benjamin knew it as well, that she was slipping into her full damage control mode as the clock was ticking even when she felt herself less tense. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

And it wasn’t a lie, he had changed...both had changed greatly, in fact, but Dara thought the change looked better on him. Benjamin sported his hair short, one of those modern haircuts kids these days wore, and it was obvious he had trouble with styling it since he had wore it long since Dara had memory. He was dressed in jeans, clean sneakers, and shirt buttoned all the way up...and he looked so uncomfortable on it, that it drove Dara crazy for some reason.

Making her forget that she had literally no clue why he was even there.

And she moved towards him, like a magnet, instead of going to save Billie from Abraham’s never-ending talk.

Billie saw how Dara made her way towards the new man in the house and she felt something waking up in the pit of her stomach. 

It wasn’t like she didn’t see Dara interacting with people, she was always polite and kind even with strangers, but it was the way the man threw his hands a bit to help her girl, the way Dara only moved her hand to dismiss it and got what she wanted - because who could get Dara to indulge without a fight? -; the way she fixed his shirt and his hair with quick fingers, the man thanking in a whisper while he also fixed his belt; and obviously the way he took her cane’s hand and kissed her fingers, over her rings, respectfully.

All of that it what truly woke Billie’s raw jealousy...but in a way she had never felt before.

A sad one that started eating her alive right in that moment. 

It went worse the second they were all sat at the table finally. Dara seemed nervous, her fingers flickering with the need of having a cigarette over her knee, when this man sat in front of them led by Dara’s mother. Billie wanted to reach for her hand, intertwine her fingers with hers and kiss her head to whisper the softest ‘I love you’ ever whispered and see if it would help her girl to calm down.

Her eyes went to the rest of the table, trying to see if anyone was acting different, but she was met with the pure happiness of a family gathering. It gave her the empty sensation she sometimes had with Dara, like an impenetrable wall that hold back everything, but when she looked at their side of the table…

...she was met with something completely different. 

Gemma was her bubbly self, but she kept being the most attentive towards Dara, talking her ear off but also giving her reassuring touches here and there. Darziel was as nervous as his sister, but he was trying to keep himself busy with eating because unlike Dara, his appetite never died apparently. Don Bruno kept eating, his eyes on the man as if he was able to dig holes in his skull just like that, but also kept passing Billie some of the dishes so she could eat a little of this and a little of that, making mumbled pointers about the food. Berto and Abraham talked to each other, to their kids, but sometimes gave nervous glances to their wives and to this man.

When her eyes finally landed in Carla, in the right end of the table, Billie knew there was something bigger than a family gathering going on and somehow, her sad jealousy went to a second plane because her attention was drawn by this same man that seemed to destabilize the whole picture.

“Sorry, I think we weren’t introduced,” he had a sweet smile, gentleman like, and it was pretty visible for her that he was trying to make things less awkward. He stretched his hand over the big lasagna platter and Billie went in automatic, taking it in hers. She expected a strong handshake but he held her hand as delicately as he did with Dara’s minutes ago. “I’m Benjamin Hernández, my parents are old friends of the family.”

“Billie Dean Howard,” she said her name trying to add the punch she always added when meeting someone, but she failed miserably. “I’m Annie’s partner.”

She did not fail, however, in finally reaching for Dara’s hand under the table with her free one, intertwining their fingers as she wanted. She didn't need to put up the charade of the medium of the stars, the fake smile, a more composed voice. She was just Billie.

And having Dara looking at her with the whole universe shining in her eyes was all that she needed to get her going through the whole dinner.

...

Saying that she ate too much was an understatement, she was pretty sure that she never ate that much to begin with. But it didn’t feel wrong, Billie was actually satisfied, warm and feeling just a bit tipsy thanks to the wine, making her enjoy better the rest of the night. She was still pretty much jealous, who was she kidding, but having Dara so close to her while they were playing domino with Diana, Deirdre and Gemma did wonders on her mood.

Dara seemed less nervous and leaving tiny pecks in her cheeks every time they did a good move in the game seemed to be helping her keep whatever storm that’s brewing in her head at bay.

“No, honey, you need to pay attention to this and this,” Billie nodded, following Dara’s hands. “And then...you put this one and boom! We won!”

“No fucking way!” Diana laughed at Deirdre’s reaction, Gemma still trying to figure out how Dara had won once again at domino. “To Hell with you, how do you do that? You always sucked ass to this game.”

“I found some online domino and the store is empty too many hours a day, I got better just by boredom,” Dara chuckled while Diana pulled all the tiles together, so they could play another round. “And Dahlia and I always play when we get together, she’s teaching Shelby as well.”

“And how that’s going? She’s a pretty good teach, I’ll always remember how she helped me with maths over Skype.” asked Gemma, happy to hear about Dahlia. 

“Horrible, for a yoga instructor, Shelby sure does have like zero patience,” Billie laughed at that, the memory of how frustrated the other blonde woman was fresh in her head, while Dara put her arm over her shoulders. “Dahlia loves her too much to tell her, but hey, until then we got some funny show going."

Billie looked at Dara for a second, taking in the way the orangish light lightened her features ever so softly. Beautiful, so beautiful, so, so beautiful that Billie leant to kiss her just because she couldn't help it at this point of the night. Dara smiled against her lips and also indulged on it, her hand to Billie's cheek to loosely caress her cheekbone with her thumb.

It didn't last long but they kept kissing each other, peck after peck and making them forget they were about to play another round of domino, making both forget they felt still uneasy from dinner.

"Go get a room you two," Diana threw them a domino tile and Dara chuckled against the last kiss, receiving another one in the cheek. 

"Same room you all keep using as hiding spot? No, thanks, I pretty much prefer to wait a few more days till we get home," Billie hid her face in Dara's neck so they couldn't see her smiling smugly at the lie, but also fondly at how the word 'home' sounded in Dara's lips. "Unless you want to learn some stuff from yo-"

"Oh my dear lord, don't finish that sentence Dara Ann Lynch!"

Everything sent them all into a big fit of laughter, one shushed quickly by Carla coming out from the kitchen back door with her arms akimbo. They five were the only ones still in the yard, the rest inside taking care of dirty dishes, sleepy kids and furniture moved.

“You better move inside, your father is already getting the ron out and all,” it was their cue to move, Billie knew that pretty well, and she soon had her arm ready for Dara to take. “Billie, can you be a dear and help me with coffee?”

“I can help you m-” Dara started to say before Billie could say or do something.

“Oh no, cariño," the way Carla smiled made Billie's stomach churn and she gave a side glance to Dara. "You rest a bit, okay? Dei, Dia, help your father, I think he's also fighting with the music thing you bought him for Christmas."

Deirdre and Diana said 'si mamá' at the same time and Gemma scratched the back of her neck, not knowing what to do since her mother-in-law didn't give her a task. Carla was still there, waiting for Billie, and she smiled at her before squeezing Dara's forearm a bit.

"Of course Carla, I'm coming."

Dara smiled faintly when Billie kissed her cheek and Gemma was quick to replace her, helping with the moving part towards the living room. As the day has gone by, Dara was feeling drained because all of the come and go had strained a bit her bad leg, and not even her cane was enough to make her feel steady. 

Billie didn't want to leave her side, but playing nice with Dara's mother was important at this moment. She always felt there was some kind of separation with Dara's family and her, and she wanted to close that stranger gap. Sometimes she felt like they all were waiting for Billie to dump Dara and it was unnerving, to be fair, making her guts twist uncomfortably.

When she passed by the living room, Deirdre and Diana were talking with their father in spanish, the tone of their voices one of mockery yet exasperation because probably it wasn't the first time they helped him with the whole device. Cedric, Dahlia's father, was talking with Benjamin and Berto on the couch, while Abraham was getting glasses from a cabinet. The whole living room was getting cozy in someway, a kind of warmth Billie wasn't used to but she found herself not minding at this point...even enjoying it.

Everything was really different from her own childhood home.

Bruno gave Billie a warm smile when Carla and her got in the kitchen, tapping slightly with his hand the side table there to the rhythm of the song that was now playing in the background softly. There was still food in the counters, waiting to be fully cold and be stored in the fridge, but also there was a plate and a glass aside that made Billie recall that Dara's little sister, Dayanara, wasn't around yet.

"Is Dayanara coming home soon?" asked Billie after being told where were the stuff for coffee.

"Yeah, she called a few minutes ago, said in forty-five she'll be here," Carla chirped, turning on the stove so she could put the coffee pot and a kettle to heat up. "Daya's been working too many extra shifts this week, my poor baby."

"For a week that her sister is here, she should have stick with her usual schedule," rumbled Bruno, playing with a piece of paper that was over the side table. 

"Ay papá, you know how she is, she just want to be better and be a good nurse, and that takes a lot of hard work," Carla gave Billie some cups and gestured her where the little spoons were. Dara had the same hand gestures as her mother, she noted. 

"All I'm saying is that we barely have Anita here, demonios."

"Dara understands that Dayanara is working hard, she's the happiest as long as they can have some time together," interceded Billie after retrieving the spoons, leaving them in the tray they were getting ready. "But…" she looked over her shoulder before lowering her voice, a bit worried. "I feel like Dara thinks Dayanara is avoiding her or something."

And it wasn't a lie, to be honest. Dara did commented on it one of the days late at night, when they were lying awake because of the heat, and Billie easily picked up to what her girl was saying the next morning. She was always good at picking up the behaviour of the rest, even when sometimes was harder, thanks to her own gift and just by how Dayanara turned down every plan Dara had proposed to her, well, what else could be said.

However, Billie didn't drop the comment that innocently. If something was up, maybe a push in the right direction would give her some pointers about why everyone seemed so uneasy since they arrived. It wasn't only a thing of that day, Billie had been picking up the weirdness in the family little by little and decided to keep it to herself so Dara could enjoy their time there.

Maybe today was just too much, overall after seeing how Dara had reacted upon having that Benjamin guy over dinner with them all.

"No, no, no, she's just busy," even when Carla's voice was a bit happy-go-lucky, Bruno's scowl said that there was something else behind. "And tired, that's all."

Carla still didn't know how stubborn could Bullie get, unfortunately, let alone when Dara was involved. She needed to cut everything by the root the moment it started to bother her girl, she didn't make the rules.

"Well, you can lie to her all you want," Billie said, a match lightening inside her chest, while pushing the kitchen's door to shut it close. "And she's going to let you if she noticed, but not me. What's going on?" she asked it with the voice she usually used on set. "Since the second that guy was in her view, Annie's been all shook up, and I don't like that because we're supposed to be on vacation, away from any headache."

Billie didn't miss how Bruno looked at her, a proud glint in his eyes, when she crossed her arms under her chest and looked at Carla with all the courage she had gathered up in a matter of seconds. 

God bless coffee for being so slow to be brewed.

"You can't tell my daughter about it, okay?" Fucking bingo, thought Billie when Carla finally gave in, looking at her to get a nod in response. "Did she talk to you about Benjamin before?" Negative, Billie shook her head. "He's her ex-boyfriend...and he's now dating Dayanara."

…

Dara had her eyes closed, trying to focus in how her father's heart beat, all while listening to him hum along the song that was currently playing. 

They managed to get the music going and she was just too tired, hoping that Billie could free herself from her mother's hands soon, but her father had pulled her to dance with him. 

She couldn't say no and she preferred to be occupied with something instead of leaving room to Benjamin to talk to her again. Dara was still trying to wrap her head around why he was there and, as much as she wanted, there was something buried deep inside her chest that stopped her from start a third degree interrogatory right away.

“...Y si en sueños pudiera volar, yo llegaría hasta ti,” her dad started to actually sing and Dara smiled, still her eyes closed. “Para entonces hacerte escuchar, lo que nunca te pude decir…” Dara giggled when he switched to humming again and it drew a low laugh from Jeziel. 

“¿Ya te olvidas de tus canciones favoritas, viejito?” she asked in a mumble, letting herself be held better by her father. At times, more often than not these days, she missed the feeling of protectiveness being in his arms gave her. 

“Ya sabes que nunca las aprendí del todo mami,” Jeziel smiled and kissed the back of her head, still swaying to the rhythm of the ballad. 

“So lucky mommy loves you, you’re such a romantic,” she shook her head and tightened her hug.

“Sometimes I think she still loves me because I’m strong enough to move stuff around, like, I still got the guns and all,” Dara felt her father flex his arms a bit, making her roll her eyes because he still called his muscles like that. She felt how her father left his hand in her hair, carefully brushing her soft locks. “I like when you let your hair grow, makes me remember when you were home.”

Maybe that was why she didn’t like it, because it made her remember of all the things she didn’t want to relive, but sometimes she kept postponing going to the hairdresser when she was too busy and her head too full of thoughts. Which was kinda why it was getting longer these days without her caring much about it. 

Spying through her eyelashes, she looked right at Benjamin, who was one of the reasons of why she did things differently these days.

“It makes me remember home as well,” Dara mumbled, hiding from her father that they remembered different things. “But I probably cut it once I’m back.”

“Ay no, mi niña, espérese a después de mi cumpleaños,” Jeziel pressed his hand a bit on Dara’s head, chuckling in that warm way he had. “Deme ese pequeño regalo, siempre te viste linda con tu pelito largo.”

“Okay, okay,” Dara sighed a laugh and looked at her father in the eyes finally, kissing his cheek fondly. Two months more of having long hair, she could do it...she thought. “But that’s your gift and that’s it, no more,” it wasn’t like a Dara had her father’s gift bought five months prior or else. “And you have to promise to make your chocolate cake for only us two and have a Rush Hour marathon...mojitos included.”

“None haggle like you, Anita,” Jeziel kissed her daughter’s forehead with love and tenderness. “You got a deal, but do you think Billie likes Rush Hour? Maybe we can let her have some cake and mojitos too.”

If Dara felt still uneasy, having her father to express curiosity and even show initiative towards Billie was a direct shot to her heart. Since the moment she told them she was dating Billie, her family except for her grandfather, Darziel and Gemma had been a bit...hesitant towards her. That in...seven years she didn’t show up much didn’t help her case, but she was taking steps forward and that seemed to have helped Dara’s family to also get interested, to want to get involved.

And that was the only thing Dara ever wanted since she knew she wanted to be with Billie as long as possible.

“Who do you think watch shitty movies with me back in Los Angeles? Dahlia?” that made father and daughter laugh, because Dahlia hated movies like those. “Billie sticks with me every time I get int-”

“Perdón,” Benjamin’s voice cut the father-daughter moment like a hot knife over butter. “¿Puedo...bailar con Ana, señor Jeziel?”

Dara felt her father’s hesitation in the way he didn’t stop from holding her, like he used to do when they were dating, and then the soft look in his face. Dara was the one between her siblings that resembled his father the most, her mother always joking that even as a days-old-baby she could pick point her from a bunch of other babies easily. So Jeziel got back the soft look he was giving, the permission Benjamin was asking for being given by his own daughter in the form of a tiny kiss on the cheek before his daughter turned around in his arms to put both her hands in the man’s shoulders.

His attention was drawn, however, by Eva wanting to dance with her grandfather and Dara was left with the source of her stress, who was trying to just mimic the way Jeziel was holding her daughter seconds ago.

Dara felt her body react like a ghost of what she was once. Forearms over Benjamin’s shoulders with her hands intertwined, Benjamin’s hands folded in her lower back and both looking into each other eyes with dozens of nights, days, noons spent together being there like a faint memory. 

It felt like they were seventeen again.

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two and their love stronger than ever...yet they both were there, thirty-two and sharing space after ten years since the last time they touched each other, seven years since the last time they heard each other’s voices.

“I was being sincere back there, you still look beautiful,” it was a shy approach from him but Dara thanked it the same, because she was a bit speechless. “Thought a bit skinnier than I remember.”

“All my baby fat finally went from everywhere to my thighs and tits, what can I say? Still got some in my hands, though,” Dara couldn’t help but feel a tiny fire in her chest, full knowing Benjamin was picking at her and falling, making him laugh. “But I was sincere too, Min, you look nice even when I feel you’re wearing someone else’s skin.”

“Well...I thought it was time to make a big change once and for all, look nice and sharp, y’know?” that face that she once found so kissable didn’t change, the soft smirk on his lips, the rise and fall of his eyebrows. “Lena dragged my ass so hard after getting out that I kinda indulged in some brother-sister bonding time that ended up with me looking like one of these modern kids.”

“Your little sister won’t ever change...nor you do; she says ‘go’ and you say ‘where’,” Dara rolled her eyes at hearing, once again, her ex-sister-in-law’s antics. “How are you handling everything?”

Dara didn’t want to address the elephant in the room so soon, but it was better this way now that he kind of mentioned it. She felt her voice soften because six and a half years in jail wasn’t something easy to talk about, Benjamin’s features softening as well.

“It’s weird, not gonna lie in here, but these months are teaching me new things...and also making me think about some others,” he made that tiny gesture with his nose that indicated his cheek was itching and Dara’s hand went there to ease him, leaving it now in his shoulder while her other arm circled his neck. “Can you believe Godo approached me?”

That was something that ignited her from the pit of her stomach, raw anger destroying whatever coherent thing she was about to say and going full protection mode.

“Min, don’t te-”  

“I spit on his feet the second he was a meter from me, your father and your uncle saw me,” Dara felt Benjamin reassuringly caressing her lower back with his thumbs. “I’m not going back Ana, I’m trying to do something meaningful with my life...not going back with those that left me behind,” his smile was sad and full of hurt and all the anger that Dara was feeling settled in uneasiness. “You were always right, I still don’t know how you put up with all of it...and I’m sorry what it did to you, to us.”

Those words were ten years late, still made her heart ache with all the resentment she never managed to wash away.

“Someone had to protect you,” Dara shrugged, Benjamin taking her hand in his and pressing it in his chest, against where his heartbeat was going steady and where he had tattooed the same moon as Dara had under her right collarbone. Dara knew her ex was feeling her rings, her crooked fingers from a handful of times she broke them in a street fight when they were younger. “And I’m not drunk enough to have this full conversation, Min...not that I can get wasted now, anyway, mix of pills I became.”

“Viejita te me volviste,” Benjamin didn’t seem to mind that Dara didn’t want to follow that conversation, but both knew someday they’d have it and they were okay with that for the time being. 

“It’s not my fault this house became like an animal shelter, okay? My allergy skyrocketed in between Diana and her cats, Deirdre and her dog, my parents with Zeus...santo niño Jesús, give me a rest,” it wasn’t that Dara hated animals, she loved them in fact, but her allergy to animal fur...not goodie at all. “If my leg wasn’t acting up like a bitch, I would give the vodka a try,” she chuckled at that and a voice in her head nagged her because she also took one more of those. “But we have what we have.”

“It’s okay with me as long it’s okay with you,” Benjamin looked troubled for a second. “When my mother told me about the accident, it scared the shit out of me...watching you with that cane didn’t help to put me at ease at all.”

Two years had passed since the car accident but some days Dara still recalled it as if it was yesterday.

“Rehabilitation wasn’t enough, the limp will always be there as an effect, but I do prefer the limp over not having leg at all,” it was a too hardcore way to put it, but Dara always was direct like that. “Shit happens, Min.”

“I know but…” the hurt in his eyes was much deeper than Dara could think. “The thought of you alone in a hospital bed...it hunts me at times.”

Dara felt that last sentence like a glitch in the somewhat calm moment, deafening her for a second and her eyes straying from Benjamin’s face to where the kitchen door was opening, her mother, her grandfather and Billie coming back with the coffee, tea and whatever her mother was also getting ready. She kept swaying with Min but her whole skeleton wanted to escape, to take Billie by her hand and go upstairs, hide in the room and forget this night by drowning herself in between her lover’s thighs...as vulgar as that sounded.

“I wasn’t alone,” her voice was so faint that it hurted somehow. “Billie watched over me, she never left my side.”

While saying that Dara saw Billie freeze halfway to the living room’s table, locking eyes with her. Billie’s expression resembled a deer caught in the headlights and somehow the sensation of getting away from Benjamin got worse, as if his mere contact was like embers. Dara silently looked at her in search of an answer of sorts, Billie opening and closing her mouth ever so slightly and looking away from her.

Was that tea in her hands?

“Your partner, yeah,” Dara couldn’t tell what kind of feeling Benjamin wanted to convey, her own emotions building up, overwhelmed. Mockery, sadness, resentment, knowledge, she didn’t know, she didn’t want to know. “The ultra nice blondie, with the medium thing going. Your mother told me about her. If I didn’t know you better, I would have thought she was having a fling with you or something.”

Billie wanted to break the cup of tea in her hands against Benjamin’s head, that was for sure, but right in that moment she was a bundle of mixed feelings after what Carla had told her in the privacy of the kitchen.

She had seen Dara dancing with Nora multiple times, even hummed along the song they were dancing to, but it didn’t wake up the same feeling that the image in front of her was at the moment. She truly wanted to have the strength to pick up Dara in her arms, going full bridal style and take her upstairs, or somewhere entirely else to drown in being the two of them alone. There was no cigarette able to calm her right now, not even one of Audrey’s joints would help at all.

But there was something in Dara, the way her face was one of pure pain and surprise at the same time, that didn’t sit right. She seemed to be withdrawing from Benjamin as the seconds passed by and Billie’s eyes went to how the rest didn’t seem to notice the change in Dara at all.

It was then when the front door opened, keys clinking muffled thanks to the music, and the last Lynch arrived at the house. 

No, this can’t be. 

She thought that with her heart twisting in her chest painfully, seeing how Dayanara looked as mortified as Benjamin apparently but being more subtle about it. Billie didn’t need to read minds to know that Dayanara perfectly knew her boyfriend didn’t say shit to her sister or the rest did. They were all acting normal and her face showed clearly how tired, angered and confused she was. Billie felt Bruno by her side, taking from her hands the cup of tea she had ready for Dara, and leaving it over the table while letting his free hand to rest in the middle of her back. A silent support, she supposed.

“Daya!” Carla was trying too hard to cover her own surprise by being happy about her arrival. “I’ll heat you up some food, go get change and-”

“Mamá, por favor, cállate,” Billie didn’t need to understand spanish to fully know what was said by how Dayanara pinched the bridge of her nose after pulling up in her head her glasses, leaving her bag over a chair. She was still wearing her nurse uniform. “I’m too tired to handle this right now but I’m going to rip off the band-aid once and for all, and fuck everything.”

“What’s going on?” it wasn’t ‘what are you talking about?’ what came from Dara’s lips and Billie already expected her to say that because as much as she liked to be direct, Dara only asked for the same at the end of the day. 

“Benji and I have been dating for four months, that’s what’s going on,” Billie felt herself shiver at how similar Dara and Dayanara’s features were when angry. “I wanted to tell you right away, talk to you face to face, but between both being busy and all...well, I expected to tell you after dinner today. Thought he was going to start the conversation since I got stuck at work, but it seems he didn’t.” 

The tension in the living room was heavier than how it was at the Montgomery’s mansion, Billie starting to feel a soft static tickling her skin as if it was some kind of warning that everything could go to shit from one second to another. 

Dara wasn’t going to explode as her family thought, right? 

That was what Carla told her in the kitchen, the motive behind why they all had been hiding all of that from her. Carla told her that Dara would get angry and messy upon knowing that her ex was dating her little sister, but Billie had stepped forward to counter that, tell her...mother-in-law that Dara was pretty down on Earth and calm upon facing any kind of issue, always working her way through it with a control that even her wished to have.

Darziel looked between his older sisters, worried sick, while Deirdre and Diana looked to each other first and then to both Dayanara and Dara, as if they were going to get into a fight or something. Dayanara stood where she was, like an immovable force, but Dara…

...Billie never saw Dara so defenceless.

However, that defencelessness went away the moment Dara smiled brightly at her little sister, throwing off everyone in the room with the force of an earthquake.

“That’s...God, Daya!” Dara laughed and walked towards her little sister, who noticed right away how she was limping heavier and met her halfway, getting hugged in the process. “I’m so happy for you two! Now it makes sense that he’s here,” Dara flickered her fingers towards Benjamin. “It was my fault for not coming home earlier so we could talk, don’t worry,” then she looked at her mother before taking her cane, which was resting against the table, before lacing her fingers with Dayanara’s. “Let’s get you some food and you can tell me some details, if it’s okay with you.”

Annie, what are you doing? Billie wanted to scream that on top of her lungs, confused as she was, while the rest of the house seemed to start breathing at ease upon seeing such reaction from her. Bruno did seem to think the same as her, but there was something in his eyes that told Billie this kind of reaction wasn’t a one time thing.

“It...is,” Dayanara was getting back from the shock, nodding and starting to walk along Dara towards the kitchen. “We can always talk more over breakfast.”

“Of course, of course,” Dara chuckled and leant to kiss her sister’s temple with love. “Gossip over pancakes, best gossip, right?”

Billie didn’t care how Jeziel seemed to stop Benjamin from following them, didn’t care that the rest went back to their things, didn’t care when Bruno led her towards the couch so they could sit together and monopolize it.

But she did care about how Dara had gone, somehow, where Billie was still both too afraid and too confused to follow her. 

...

When a nausea wave hit her once again, making her empty whatever was left at that point in her stomach, Dara thanked to her five-minutes-past self to have opened the shower to make the most background noise possible.

It wasn’t weird at all that someone got showered at the wee hours of the night in the house at summer, so she saved her own ass with that. 

For sure heat didn’t help at all, she thought as she put a hand over her sweaty forehead, waiting in case she threw up again. Not that there was something else left but bile, but who knew what her body was going to decide. She laughed to herself, thinking in how in other scenery that could make her go bananas and think she was pregnant or something, instead of just having such anxiety attack like the one she was having in that very same moment.

God, sometimes her mind went to some weird places in those situations.

Drenched in sweat as she was, she made a quick work by flossing the toilet and get in the shower after peeling off her pajamas, taking advantage that it was already turned on. Cold water made her feel better, settling little by little the hole her anxiety was craving in her stomach. With tears pushing for freedom in her eyes, Dara tried to think about anything else to calm her racing mind. Like how everyone had decided stay at the house, how funny it looked the way Deirdre and Diana managed to both get the sofa-bed and their husbands took the cold hard floor by their side. Darziel, Gemma and Eva slept in Darziel’s room, the girls taking the bed while he threw some pillows to the floor and built a nest-like bed for him. Dayanara and Benjamin went to Daya’s room and Dara’s mind made a double spin to avoid thinking more about that.

She was glad Billie and her got the tiny guest room-made-office for themselves.

Wrapping her hair in a towel and drying herself enough to get back in her clothes, Dara made her new task be brush her teeth the best she could. She had rinsed her mouth several times before going down to the kitchen to get some water, her throat still burning, but the stupid bad taste didn’t seem to go away. Dara went through the fridge to get some juice instead, and when she found one she actually didn’t like much - she wasn’t risking her favourites to get ruined because of this - she sat there with the window open, drinking right from the bottle while getting some fresh air to clear her head.

In her head everything seem to go really fast, almost disorganized, but whoever watched her from the outside could clearly see how slow and careful she was moving.

She was the best at pretending everything was fine, to hold it in until she was alone to let it all flow, but having a full house didn’t help her at all. And of course this wasn’t some stupid argument between her siblings or with her mother, so it only got worse from then on. Dara wasn’t having an anxiety attack because it overwhelmed her the news per se, but because she was reliving all the memories from her time by Benjamin so hard that made her want to slap some sense into Dayanara, tell her to break up with him and find her someone in Los Angeles, someone probably better under her own point of view…

...but what was the point, after all.

Nothing Dara could say would make her sister change her opinion and she didn’t want to influence her in anyway possible, because her own experience didn’t have to be her sister’s right? 

Ten years had passed, ten fucking years! Whatever she knew about Benjamin was literally thrown away into the garbage can because she didn’t know that man anymore, how he was now, how he acted now, his aspirations, whatever.

She only knew the ghost of what he was once...and it was the other way around as well.

The way he talked about Billie didn’t help him at all, the rejection was immediate as if he had slapped instead of throwing around some stupid words. If I didn’t know you better, I would have thought she was having a fling with you or something. Dara had to close her eyes because the nausea was about to hit her again, that or an unstoppable flood of tears. It felt wrong hearing that, as if Dara herself was nothing but a game for someone like Billie. How could he even dare to tell her that when he didn’t have the balls to tell her that he was dating Dayanara? He didn’t know her at all, for God’s sake!

So fucking horrible, wasn’t it?

Dara’s eyes wandered around the kitchen, trying to tone down the awful feeling in her chest by focusing in the kitchen of her childhood. All she could see was a time that she wasn’t happy...and she wasn’t thinking about being five to ten and running around with the laugh of her grandparents as music, she was thinking of her teens, her early twenties and how one day she packed all she had in the middle of the night, took her shitty ass car - that would get wrecked eight years later in the accident - and drove all the way to Los Angeles to take a wild chance on life.

A leap of faith that made her feel she still had something to do in life.

Her eyes finally landed in the only light bright enough to make a difference in the somewhat dark kitchen aside the fridge one and Dara’s stomach churned. They will always have landline, till the end of times, she thought while hobbling to take the wireless phone. Navigating through the agenda, Dara felt immediately guilty about what she was about to do but she needed to talk with someone that wasn’t in the mess at all.

Or that she hoped.

She knew well, deep inside, that she had had to wake up Billie for that but she didn’t have the heart to do so when her partner managed to get a hold of a night of sleep. Even more when it took several glasses of rum to take her down completely. Dara didn’t want to think about the hangover her father, Billie and Berto would have upon waking up, her own stomach hurting even more for them. So her thumb pressed lightly the button to select the number in the agenda, letting herself to think once again if it was the right choice overall.

Dara, while pressing the phone against her ear and sitting back in the chair, made a mental note to live a fifty dollars bill in her mother’s purse later in the morning.

“¿Abuelo?” the sleepy and heavy accented voice of a woman sounded in the other side of the line. “Ah...no.” was the only thing Dara managed to croak in response and the woman sighed heavily, whoever was by her side grumbling something in their sleep. “¿Tata Carla? ¿Qué lo que pasó? Incluso para usted es temprano.” the woman seemed to start functioning and Dara choked on an incoming sob because she didn’t want to overworry her. “It’s me, Dara, sorry for waking you up so early,” that seemed to restart the woman, whose voice was pure confusion now. “Dara? What are you doing calling me from your parents’? What are you doing even there?” sometimes Dara forgot that her cousin was a bit out of touch of everything, so it wasn’t something new to see that she didn’t read the family group chat. “I’m on vacation here...but I was calling you because…” Dara felt the uncomfortable warmth of tears in her cheeks and she couldn’t help but sniff a bit to hold another sob, even when her voice broke. “I don’t know Dani, I needed someone to talk with I guess,” Dara pressed her free hand, which was shaking, against her own chest. “But if I’m bothering you I can call later, I know it’s stupid, you should probably go back to sleep...You must be tired from work and all, I’m so-” Being shushed by Danielle wasn’t harsh, but it was what Dara needed to start crying a bit harder. “You won’t ever be a bother, not even if you tried, so don’t apologize. Just let me get down to the kitchen to not wake Bastien, okay? Take some deep breaths, mon mimi.”

Dara only managed to whisper an ‘okay’ while pressing her wrist to her eyes, trying to stop her about to be runny nose to do as she was told. She tried to focus on her breathing, but her throat still itched and hurt, so imagine the mess. Muffling her coughs against her forearm, Dara instead tried to focus in whatever sound Danielle was making in the other side of the line while her tears ran freely down her cheeks.

She was also repeating herself there, because ten years had passed too since before leaving her parents’ house forever she called her oldest cousin to get some sort of support. Twenty-two to twenty-nine, thirty-two to thirty-nine, the only thing that had changed was that her cousin didn’t have a two years old baby anymore but a twelve years old girl that probably didn’t remember Dara that well and that Danielle’s beautiful black mane was getting too many white hairs too soon.

“Okay, I’m here,” Danielle’s voice was gentle and warm. “You want to tell me before, after or in between the crying?”

Dara decided the last option because, as always, it was the best to get as much as she could out of her chest.

…

Billie didn’t know how she got downstairs alive, but she did it somehow without breaking her neck.

Maybe it wasn’t that good of idea getting hammered with her father-in-law and brother-in-law last night, probably not her best performance, but what was done, done was. Rubbing her eyes a bit and not getting her hand smudged with make-up - Dara probably removed it when she was asleep or she convinced her drunk ass to do it somehow - was a good start, but overhearing the cheery voices coming from the television gave her headache an uncomfortable push. 

How late did she wake up? Not that they had much to do, anyway, but oversleeping was hard in her in-law’s house. Her eyes went to the clock over the kitchen door, the bright red numbers telling her right away that it was midday. That sobered her up a bit, but what actually made her react was realizing the living room wasn’t that illuminated.

The curtains were almost closed except for a crack, enough to cast light over where Bruno was reading the newspaper. Her eyes then went to the television, some cartoon movie playing for Ezra, Eduardo and Evan, who were behaving themselves pretty well for being what probably was the hour when their energy should be at its peak, and then Billie discovered why they were so quiet aside of trying not to bother their great-grandfather morning reading.

Dara was there in the couch with them, long as she was, and the boys were sitting there too in a way that Billie didn’t know how could any of the four of them could be comfortable, except for maybe Eduardo that was lying over Dara, with his head in her chest. Evan and Ezra were sitting in between her legs, their tiny ones draped over Dara’s right leg as if it was some kind of a leg-rest or something. The funniest part was that Dara was heavy asleep, making Billie to think if maybe the heat didn’t let her sleep last night and was making up for it now.

That or maybe the stress from yesterday hit her like a truck.

“Morning,” Billie mumbled, raising her hand. The boys waved at her and Bruno looked up from his newspaper, all in silence. “Where’s everyone?”

“Jeziel and Berto in the kitchen, trying to get breakfast before my daughter comes from getting groceries with Deirdre, Diana and Eva,” explained Bruno without raising his voice much. “Abe, Daya and motor-kid to work, papito God knows where with Gemita.”

“Oh, okay,” Billie got closer to Dara and she leant with care to kiss her forehead and cheek with love, only getting a soft comfortable hum in response and making Billie lick her lips a bit, refraining herself to kiss her in the lips but noticing something along the way, like some kind of saltiness in Dara’s skin that Billie only blamed to sweating too much. “She must be really tired, I didn’t see her sleep so soundly in a while.”

“Must be, dear,” and with that, Bruno got back to his reading, the kids never getting their attention drawn from the film. “Go get some pancakes before they butchered them all, Anita made them.”

She obeyed without much thought, her brain still fuzzy with the hangover, but when she sat with coffee and the last two pancakes in the tray by the men in the kitchen table everything felt a bit more homier. It was the first day Dara wasn’t getting breakfast with her, who always was the one saving her from the morning chatter, but she was lucky enough to share breakfast with the other two hangover people in the house...so she got some quiet time sprinkled with some ‘pass me this’ or ‘pass me that’.

Nonetheless, the quietness of the morning helped her greatly to finally think about what could she get Dara for their seventh anniversary.

And she really hoped that her gift, along a pretty deserved night only the two of them, could make Dara feel a bit better and take her mind off the whole mess that ensued last night in the very same living room she was sleeping so peacefully in.