#yamaguchi x reader comfort

[bonez-and-gutz]

dumb boys, bad decisions, and clubs

hi!! this is part of my yamaguchi centric fanfic, it’s not finished but there will be updates!

THIS IS A RARE PAIR POLY FIC!!

WARNING!!! NSFW themes and descriptions of infidelity, panic attacks, and BAD coping mechanisms (don’t do anything tadashi does)

word count: 11,663

parings : tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi, oikawa tooru x tershima yuuji x kuroo tetsurou x yamaguchi tadashi, tsukishima kei x oc

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DESCRIPTION:

Yamaguchi Tadashi has it all: a full ride to his top college plus a sports scholarship, captain of his high school volleyball club, straight A’s, and the perfect boyfriend.

So when he sees the new first year manager on her knees between his boyfriend’s legs, he does what any sane person would do.

He fucks some of his old volleyball rivals.

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NSFW warnings: infidelity, oral sex, foursome (mxmxmxm), fingering, anal sex, dom/sub dynamics, hair pulling, dacryphilia, overstimulation, everyone but tadashi is a switch, restraints, multiple orgasms, rough sex

tadashi is of legal age, just not of legal drinking age

hope you enjoy!!

Wind sifts in and out of the open gymnasium. Various pairs of volleyball shoes squeak and scuff up the worn wooden floor. A soft breeze briefly cools off the red-faced teenagers practicing hard inside.

If one were to glance into the building, one would see fifteen high school boys practicing their hardest, bodies being pushed to their limits. After all, competition season is only a few months away and they are going to nationals this year.

"Shoyo, here!" A loud and masculine voice yells out.

"On it!" With a quick movement, the boy sprints across the court only to slam his hand against the ball arcing through the air. He hits it with a scary kind of precision that causes the first years on the other side of the net to cower at the fear of being hit.

"Fuck yeah!" Hinata yells out at his victory with red cheeks and a heaving chest. Kageyama gives the boy a hard and enthusiastic high-five in congratulations.

"How was that, captain?"

Yamaguchi smiles at his friend's bond, "Amazing! Your freak set is getting freakier by the year!" He compliments.

The freckled boy (more like man) walks over to the basket full of volleyballs and grabs one from the pile. His kouhais across the court gulp, they know what's coming, it happens every practice.

Standing in the middle of the court, just behind the boundary line, Tadashi lets out a deep breath. He spins the ball in his hands once, twice, a final time. With a hefty toss, the ball ascends into the air and Yamaguchi runs toward it, eyes intense and focused.

Almost.

Almost.

Now!

As the ball hits its crest, he swings his right arm back expertly and palms the volleyball perfectly. He can practically smell the fear that radiates from the first years that cower on the other side of the net. The ball goes sailing past the net and the third-year holds his breath, hoping that the serve made it in. It starts to arc toward one of the first years near the corner of the court and Tadashi lets out a "Woohoo!!" at his almost perfect jump float serve.

The kids on the other side scramble to receive the ball. Number 3, a tall kid named Nirai Kenji (who reminds Yamaguchi a little bit too much of his former teammate Azumane Asahi) dives for the ball, his forearms make contact but the force of the spin causes the ball to shoot toward another teammate who ducks in surprise while shrieking like a goose. Tadashi smiles.

He prides himself on his serves and he's certainly gotten better since his first year. Tadashi's strength lies not in the power of his serves, but in the precision and technique. He prefers to spend hours honing his skill than going to the gym to gain muscles for force.

"Wooo!! Nice goin' cap'n!" Shoyo yells out, clapping his hands together. Tadashi bashly smiles at the praise, not used to the attention even while being the team captain.

He huffs happily and walks over to pick up another ball, “we’re doing this until one of you receives it back to me!” The first years groaned in response. Tadashi, Shoyo, and Tobio just laugh at the newbies’ mild annoyance. Even Hitoka chuckles at them.

While getting ready to set up his nth serve of the day, Tadashi spots a blonde head of hair coming through the door, though he almost misses the short first year nervously trailing behind him. Tadashi narrows his eyes slightly.

“Kei! You asshole, where have you been? Practice is halfway over already,” the captain questions his boyfriend. Tsukki just tuts at him.

“Mr. Nakamoto held me back, had to talk to me about university bullshit.” Yamaguchi narrows his eyes slightly, ’that shouldn’t take an hour and a half…’

Tadashi attempts to shrug it off but then remembers that all of the third years in the volleyball club had met with the counselors at the same time to prevent a missed practice. “Wait, but didn’t you-“

“Yo beanpole, get your ass over here and block for us,” Shoyo yells at Tsukki, eager to work on his precision spikes. Kei walks over to the eager ginger and adjusts his sports glasses. Even after all these years of knowing Kei and playing volleyball with him, Tadashi can’t help but snicker at the sports glasses. They make Kei look like a toddler who just got their first pair of glasses.

He sighs in response to his boyfriend’s aloof demeanor, having thought that the two of them had gotten past that wall of Tsukishima’s vulnerability. Upset at the interruption of Shoyo’s eagerness to practice, Tadashi huffs and walks back over to the cart full of volleyballs. A feeling of uneasiness settles in his gut, and he attempts to refocus his mind by hitting a multitude of difficult serves, but he just can’t get rid of that gruelingly gross feeling.

A few more hours of practice go by and at this point, Tadashi can’t feel the sting on his numbingly red hands. With sweat-soaked hair and clothes, he meanders his way over to the bench and grabs his dedicated towel.

He wipes himself off and grabs his icy cold water bottle, the condensation bringing back the stinging feeling that had left his hands hours ago. He lets his body relax into the cool bench as the metal creaks slightly underneath his weight. His shoulders sag down as he breathes heavily through open-mouthed pants.

Even after hours of grueling practice, Tadashi just can’t get Kei off of his mind, and it’s not for the normal hot boyfriend plus horny teenage boy reasons.

Something about him has been seeming off the past few weeks, maybe even a month now. He's been distant, cold, and dismissive. Tadashi haasn’t seen Kei like this since they were in middle school and Tadashi had his first kiss with an upperclassman right when Kei had planned to confess.

Not to mention the fact that Tadashi hasn’t had a good dicking since the start of April and it’s already halfway through June.

Being a third-year high school student guarantees a busy schedule, especially when you’re involved in clubs but Tadashi knows the ins and outs of Kei’s schedule. Suddenly, all of his free time seems to become preoccupied with everything but his needy and attractive volleyball captain of a boyfriend. Tadashi is just so entirely over it.

Taking another swig from his water bottle, Tadashi can see Tobio and Shoyo messing around in the corner. Sweaty, smiling faces entirely too close together and hands wandering to places that are not acceptable for out in the open.

He lets out a small frustrated puff, fully knowing that once practice is over the disgustingly cute couple will high-tail it out of the gym and straight to Tobio’s empty house where they will probably only resurface to the outside world to get water and food. And maybe a shower.

Tadashi decides that he’s going to use their tiny little horny brains to his advantage. Clapping his hands together loudly to draw everyone’s attention to him, he stands up to face the rest of the Karasuno Volleyball Club. His eyes scan the room and he quickly notes in his head that he doesn’t see his boyfriend in the crowd of sweaty teenagers.

“Alright! Practice for today is over and because I am your incredibly gracious captain, none of you have to stay after to clean!” He announces, throwing his arms out like the ringleader of a circus.

A chorus of excited hoots and hollers follow his announcement as all of his underclassmen scramble to grab their stuff. They sprint off to the locker room, eager to change out of their sweaty practice clothes and hang out for the rest of the night.

“Enjoy your freedom of a Friday night!” Tadashi calls after the gaggle of teenage boys.

Once the gym has cleared out for the most part, Tadashi walks to the volleyball cart and wheels it around the gym. He picks up stray volleyball after stray volleyball and tosses them into the bin. As he cleans, his teammates start to file out of the locker room. He says his goodbyes to all of them and makes sure to poke fun at the first years as they leave.

Hitoka finishes packing up her notes from practice and waves goodbye to Tadashi, “Goodnight Tada-kun! Have a good weekend.”

Tadashi waves back at her with a smile. Ever since she started dating Kiyoko there has been a shift in her demeanor. Hitoka has always been kind and bubbly, but even more so now. Once he’s finished picking up the volleyballs and the gym has cleared out for the night, Tadashi starts to wheel the ball cart over to the storage room doors.

“Well, looks like it’s just you and me Kei,” he turns to his side, expecting the tall teen to be near the entrance to the locker room but sees no evidence of him. Tadashi does a slow spin and scans his surroundings, concluding that he’s been left alone for the night.

“Goddammit!” He mutters under his breath, now left to clean up the mess by himself. Tadashi thought that at least Kei would stay back like they did last year. Cleaning time was more than just mopping on most days. He goes to his pocket to grab the storage room key when he notices the door is open, Weird. I thought I locked it up earlier.

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud moan coming from the closet. A moan he knows the sound of like he knows the back of his hand. His cheeks flush a brilliant pink as his heartbeat suddenly speeds up. With his shorts a little tighter than they were five minutes ago, Tadashi pushes the door open with a dopey smile, “Wow Kei-chan, couldn’t wait until we got home, huh?”

The third year is stopped dead in his tracks as he sees the first-year manager, Jinso Sidero, on her knees between Kei’s thighs, his shorts down with one hand tangled in her brown hair and the other tugging on her loosened uniform bow. Her skirt is pulled up over her hips, exposing her lacy underwear and her shirt and school blazer are strewn across the floor a few feet away from the couple.

Tadashi’s eyes widen as he looks at Kei, whose face displays a show of perfect, cheating pleasure. Kei opens his eyes to see his boyfriend and jumps, causing the girl sucking him off to gag at the sudden pressure. She makes a noise that can be interpreted as “What?”

“Shit!” Kei yells out as he makes eye contact with the shorter man.

“What the fuck?” Tadashi stumbles back into the door, his weight causing the door to swing back. The lack of backing causes him to fall sprawled out onto the gymnasium floor. Tears immediately spring up and his stomach lurches, absolutely nauseated. Without missing a beat, he scrambles up, runs to grab his bag, and sprints out of the gym.

Tadashi doesn’t look back.

Desperate, Kei tries to awkwardly run after him, shorts and boxers now pulled up. He gives up once he realizes that Tadashi is long gone.

“Fuck!” This is his first thought once he’s processed what happened. The frustrated blonde pulls at his hair and curses again. He looks to Sidero and without a beat, picks up her clothing, aggressively before haphazardly dressing her, and unceremoniously shoving her out of the storage closet.

“Babe wha-” the door slams shut before Sidero can finish her sentence. Kei slides down the other side of the door with his fists bunching up the fabric of his shorts so hard that his knuckles turn white.

He never planned for Tadashi to find out…

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Tadashi’s chest is tight and it feels like a million bricks are being smashed into his head. His feet feel like they’re on fire but he pays hardly any attention to the gnawing pain. The brisk summer night kisses his face as the rushing wind dries the tears rolling down his cheeks.

By the time he’s reached his front door, Tadashi can’t breathe. He attempts to take huge, gasping breaths but the exhales just come out as broken sobs. He can barely see through the tears and his nose is clogged with snot. He breathes as violently as the rushing thoughts come in and out of his head.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? What just happened? Was Kei really cheating on me? Of course he was, look at what they were doing you fuckwad!

His hands shake harshly as he fumbles with the keys in front of him, fingers sweaty and vision blurred. It takes him three tries before he’s finally able to find the right key and open the front door. Once inside, his body works on autopilot while his brain goes a million miles a minute.

Was I not good enough? Did I not satisfy him? Did he leave me because he can’t deal with someone like me? Of course he chose her, just look at her. Was I that bad? Why wasn’t I good enough?!

He stumbles his way upstairs, tripping up the steps and slamming into the wall on the way up. Both his backpack and his volleyball bag slide down his shoulders and off his arms. A loud thwump is registered in the back of Tadashi’s mind as the bags slump down the stairs, articles of clothes slip out of the half-zipped pratice bag.

Grappling with the handle on his bedroom door, he slams it shut behind him, thankful that his parents are out for the weekend. Bleary-eyed and stumbling, he makes it to the ensuite and practically wipes the countertop clean in the search for his Atarax. As soon as he spots the familiar orange bottle, he swipes it and begins the struggle to open it.

“Stupid fucking child safety caps!”

He’s just about to open to orange pill bottle when the familiar feeling of bile rushing up into his throat causes him to drop the medicine and toss himself over the open toilet bowl.

Scorching tears run down his face as everything he ate comes up until it’s nothing but stomach acid and spit. His shoulders shake with how violent the heaving is and his fingers ache from his vice-like grip on the porcelain toilet. Once he’s sure that everything has been emptied and that gut-wrenching feeling has finally subsided, he reaches up a shaky hand to flush the toilet.

Tadashi wipes his mouth and sits back on his knees before immediately grabbing and opening the rattling bottle of meds. Once the trusty green pills are in his hand, he collapses to the floor in a sobbing heap and dry swallows five of them. Four more than he needs.

The gross taste of slightly dissolved medicine sits unpleasantly on his tongue as Tadashi drags himself to the edge of the alcove before using all his might to turn on the cold water. He heaves himself up over the side of the tub and flops down into it.

Icy droplets of freezing cold water soak through his hair, shorts, and t-shirt, while burning hot tears soak the skin of his face and hands. His body shakes severely, and loud sobs echo throughout the shower as he grips his hair hard enough to rip it out. With white knuckles and red eyes, he lays down on his side and shivers.

Tadashi makes no moves to change the temperature of the water.

All he thinks about is what he’d done wrong, what he had done to deserve this. Memories circle through his mind, seven years' worth of friendship and five of which worth of dating washed down the drain.

Tadashi thought they would move in together after high school. That they’d get a house together and even have kids. That they would grow old together. They simply were just meant to be. Call him naive but Tadashi thought that his first love would be the love of his life. Even the first time they met was like something out of a television show or a movie.

Little Tadashi was being picked on by some bigger kids due to his small size and shy nature. They’d been shoving poor ten-year-old Tadashi around, rummaging through his bookbag and making fun of his cute drawings and doodles, even going so far as to tell him he’d never be able to play volleyball if he kept being small like that (though it’s not like Tadashi really had any control over when and how tall he grew...)

Tears had just started to spill from the young boy’s eyes when he heard an annoyed voice ‘tch’ at the sight.

“Can’t you guys pick on someone your own size? I mean, come on now. It’s pathetic.” Tadashi looked up to see a tall blonde-haired boy with the thickest glasses he’d ever seen looming over him and his bullies. His eyes widen exponentially at the sight of this new person, who he immediately recognizes as the tall scary boy from his class.

On the first day of school, Tadashi was instantly terrified of him as he was all of four foot nothing whilst Tsukki had been almost five feet tall already. While his brain processed what had come out of Tsukki’s mouth, the three boys that had been beating on him immediately stiffened up and ran off with nothing more than a measly squeal. Once sure that his tormenters were long gone, Tadashi calmly stood up, gathered his things, and walked over to the (even then) tall blonde boy.

“Thank you so much!” He yells as he bends at the waist, eyes closed tight and arms by his side. He stays that way until he hears a small “tch.”

“Get up. You don’t need to thank me. Next time, do it yourself,” the taller rudely tells Tadashi off with a roll of his eyes and turns to start walking away.

Noticing the white tennis shoes leave his vision, Tadashi straightens up and scrambles after the blonde. He runs ahead of him and stops in front of him, panting slightly.

“What’s…what’s your name?” Tadashi manages to puff out, hands resting on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath. A silent moment passes between them and as the silence continues to fill the air, a knot of anxiousness starts growing in Tadashi’s stomach at the lack of an answer.

Nervous, he stood back up to his full height again and stared directly into those smart yellow eyes.

“Tsukishima Kei,” the little elementary-aged Tsukki answered him with an aloof expression.

“I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi,” he smiled back, eyes full of happiness.

From then on, the two had been entirely inseparable. The boys spent almost every single waking moment together. They had countless sleepovers, video game sessions, playful volleyball matches, and smiles.

By the time they’d hit middle school, the dynamic between the two shifted, to what, neither knew at the time. Gone were the small smiles and days of personal space. The two boys would stare at each other whenever they thought the other wasn’t looking, eyes full of want and love. Each of them found every single excuse to touch each other, whether it was a brush of the fingers, a small kick, or even the occasional full-blown hug.

Tadashi was twelve years old when he realized that he liked boys. Terrified and scared, he went to his best friend with tears in his eyes and shaking hands with the expectation that Tsukki would beat him up and call him a fairy or even a slur.

Instead, he got unconditional love and support along with the confession that Tsukki was actually gay as well. With that knowledge, Yamaguchi finally spilled to Tsukki that he had a huge crush on their upperclassman and volleyball club captain, Kazuhira Hayate.

The day that Yamaguchi got his first kiss from Kazuhira was the day that he and Tsukishima started dating. Tsukki walked briskly to the gymnasium, a letter in a pink envelope grasped so tightly in his left hand that the paper threatened to rip, and a bouquet of Tadashi’s favourite flower and walked in on Yamaguchi getting his first kiss. Tsukki felt so betrayed and upset that he threw the beautiful bouquet of pink camellias to the ground with a sharp ‘thwap!’ The pink letter followed soon thereafter.

Startled by the sound, Tadashi broke from the kiss and turned to see Kei running hurriedly out of the classroom, hands wiping his face as the dam of tears broke. Without another thought, Tadashi picked up the forgotten items and sprinted behind his best friend.

Once Tadashi had finally caught up with Kei, he could see the taller boy’s puffy eyes and red nose clearly, he could even see the little tears that threatened to spill over. Arguing and yelling ensued afterward until finally, finally, Kei grabbed the letter he’d written. He ripped it open without remorse and read it, bleary-eyed and embarrassed. It was then that they had their first kiss together and it marked the beginning of a relationship that Tadashi thought would last until the stars collided.

How naive he was, Tadashi can’t help but ponder over the innocence of their beginning. It certainly feels like the stars collided now. As if the entire universe was pulling the Earth closer and closer to the Sun until everything was wiped out in a brilliant display of white light.

He struggles to sit up in the tub. With his entire body shaking from the cold and the panic running through his system, it’s difficult to do anything. With tremoring hands, he reaches over and turns off the water but makes no moves to leave the tub.

He just sits there.

Crying.

By the time he’s calmed himself down enough to leave the cold safety of the bathtub, the window outside tells him that the sun has set. It's been at least an hour and a half since he caught his (assumingly now ex) boyfriend getting sucked off by what Yamaguchi used to think was the innocent new first-year manager.

He wants to forget. Tadashi wants to take out his brain and cut away the memory of that experience and throw it straight into the garbage disposal.

But, he can’t do that. He can, however, do the next best thing.

It’s good that he still has the fake ID that Shoyo made him get.

Head still buzzing, Tadashi strips off the soaking wet clothes and throws them into a plopping, sopping wet pile on the bathroom tile. He turns the shower back on and washes away his anxiety, now coming up with various ways he can score a stranger and one night stand his problems away for twelve hours.

Once finished with his shower, he towels himself off and picks out the sluttiest outfit that he owns. The tight high-waisted black pants show off the fat curve of his ass and display his strong thighs from years of volleyball conditioning. He leaves the top three buttons of his flowy white blouse open to showcase his collarbones and unmarked neck.

Tadashi is almost one hundred percent sure this outfit will warrant him a good fuck or at the very least, a makeout session steamy enough to fog up the mirror in his brain. He styles his hair so that it frames his face. A little bit of shimmery eyeshadow decorates his lids and a swipe of eyeliner extends the natural shape of his dark brown eyes. A dab of highlighter enunciates his features.

As he walks out of the bathroom, Tadashi glances at the photo sitting proudly and undisturbed on his desk.

It was captured when he and Kei had their third anniversary, a week after Kei’s fifteenth birthday. They were at a park between their houses and they were smiling brightly in the picture, faces full of glee and love.

Tadashi walks over to the photo and chucks it into the trash to be forever forgotten in a pile of pencil shavings and messed-up chemistry notes. He grabs his keys off the floor of his bedroom and trudges downstairs, not bothering to move the two bags at various places of descension.

With a final huff, he opens his front door and slams it shut behind him. He locks it before turning around and making his way into town on foot.

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The cool summer breeze nips and kisses his face as he walks down the sidewalk. His eyes search the streets, looking for anything to focus on. He settles on the girls in front of him. They’re probably around sixteen and they still have their school uniforms on, they probably just finished with cram school and are headed for some light-hearted fun. Probably karaoke.

As Tadashi walks, the night continues, the bright lights of the stars dimmed from the light pollution of Miyagi’s city-like town center. A familiar greenish-blue glow shines on his face, the neon glow inviting him back into a club he hasn’t been to in years.

The last time he came here, he was sixteen and he and Tsukishima were trying to get as fucked up as they possibly could to erase the image of the two of them walking in on Coach Ukai and Takeda fucking in the club room.

Without another moment, Tadashi pulls out his fake ID and walks up to the bouncer. The burly man in front of the door barely gives a glance at it before letting him through. As soon as Tadashi crosses the threshold, the smell of sweat, booze, and sex fill the air, and God is he ready to join the people dancing away on the dance floor.

He heads straight to the bar and orders an amaretto with pineapple juice. The sweet bartender smiles at him, recognizing the distress on his face. She also notes that he probably wants to get fucked up. Fruity drinks are the best way to do so.

“Bad day?” She questions as she pours juice into the liqueur.

“Fuck, you could say that,” he responds back, his excited smile turning into a grimace.

“What happened?” She grabs a little umbrella and uses it as a stir stick, hoping that the cute little garnish will help brighten Tadashi’s day a little bit.

“I just caught my boyfriend of five years cheating on me.”

“Shit. Well, it’s a good thing I made this one a bit heavy-handed. Go out there and show him what he’s missing, yeah?” She finishes off the conversation and slides the drink over the counter.

Tadashi glances down at her name tag, “thanks Yukio.”

He leans against the bar and looks around the room, taking in the sight of people of various genders and sexualities grinding and dancing against each other to the beat of the music. In less than five minutes, he’s already almost finished with the fruity cocktail and is two shots of tequila away from going to the dance floor.

He turns back to Yukio to order said shots of tequila and closes his tab for the night, giving her a generous tip as a thanks. He forgoes the salt and slams back the first shot, not even bothering to suck on the lime wedge served with it.

He takes the second one like it’s intended to, the lime leaving a pleasant sting in his mouth. Without another thought, Tadashi fixes his blouse and heads out onto the dance floor.

Once he’s there, he loses himself in the music. Running his hands up and down his body and through his hair, he mouths along to the lyrics of Kai’s ‘Mmmh.’ his hips move to the music. He’s so caught up in his own world that he doesn’t notice the multitude of hungry eyes staring at him from across the club, the lovely mix of alcohol and his meds muffling his mind.

Oikawa can’t believe his eyes. He never expected Yamaguchi to come to Secrets on a Friday night, especially since it seems that he came on his own.

The tall brunet saw him come in, full of disbelief until the little freckles scattered across the younger man’s face confirmed what he hoped was true. Tadashi Yamaguchi walked into Miyagi’s only gay bar.

Alone.

Oikawa looked around when Tadashi came in, expecting that someone had been waiting for him but he saw no sight of any of the Karasuno third years.

Next to him, Kuroo is talking up a gaggle of girls, playfully flirting with them with no intention of taking them home. He came into this outing with the mindset that he was going to be buried balls deep in Tooru once they got home. Tooru nudges the black haired man’s shoulder, drawing his attention away from the giggling girls.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” Tetsurou questions his almost-boyfriend. Oikawa points to the dance floor where Tadashi is uncaringly grinding his ass against the crotch of a man with strong arms and a gross, sweaty face.

“Look Tetsu, it’s our little pinch server. He’s all grown up!” Tooru points out the younger boy to Tetsurou and the man squints his eyes.

Tooru leans up to Tetsu’s ear, “And he’s all alone.” As the sentence is processed in Kuroo’s head, a large smirk curls unto his face.

“Well then, I guess this old cat is going to pounce.” Oikawa rolls his eyes and urges Kuroo to go tell Terushima.

“Tell him to meet us on the dance floor, let’s see how this night goes,” Tooru finishes as he downs the rest of his whiskey, the cool liquid burning his throat as it goes and he walks onto the dance floor. As he gets closer he sees the small smile on Tadashi’s face and he can’t help but admire just how pretty he’s gotten.

When Oikawa first saw Yamaguchi during Aoba Johsai’s practice match with Karasuno, he was immediately stricken with the boy. He was decidedly disappointed when he saw Yamaguchi give Tsukishima a celebratory kiss after Karasuno scored the match point.

So, like any logical teenager, he moped about it to Iwaizumi until he got fed up with Oikawa’s shenanigans and shoved Oikawa onto Kuroo and Terushima.

By the time Yuuji and Tetsurou met Karasuno for the first time they knew pretty much everything there was to know about Tadashi. His height, his favourite food, his relationship with Tsukishima, his position, and almost everything else.

The three of them finally talked about their mutual attraction to Yamaguchi during a party thrown at Matsukawa’s house after the inter-high preliminaries where a game of spin the bottle threw up feelings that all three of them had been pushing down since middle school.

That night was the first that marked the mutually beneficial relationship that the three of them had which consisted of fucking, cuddling, and being almost-but-not-quite-boyfriends.

Then, Tadashi had just been a cute little first year that all three of them wanted to ruin so badly. They wanted to fuck and love him so thoroughly that he would never want anyone else. The Tadashi that Tooru sees in from of him is different.

This Tadashi’s face is thinner, his jawbone sharp enough to carve marble and his creamy skin practically begs for Oikawa to sink his teeth into the flesh. His cheeks are covered in a healthy glow of pink, the alcohol tinting his fair skin. His thighs have gotten bigger, more muscular but still lean. No doubt from practising every day for hours on end. Along with his thighs, his ass also filled out. Oikawa can feel his mouth watering at the thought of what it would look like marked up and covered in something less than PG.

Without another thought, he shoves himself in between Tadashi and the ogre-like man behind him and sends said man a glare that says “fuck off or I’ll castrate you.” The man looks at Oikawa, a little perturbed, and leaves without a word.

Tooru places his hands on Tadashi’s hips and guides them back to grind the younger’s ass against his clothed dick.

He then leans his head close to Tadashi’s ear, “Hey, baby. Long time no see?”

Tadashi recognizes the voice as soon as it enters his ears and he lets out a breathy “fuck” before turning himself around in Oikawa’s arms to face him.

“Hey pretty, what are you doing here?” Tooru questions him, genuinely curious. At the inquiry, Tadashi groans and buries his face into the crook of Tooru’s neck. He inhales deeply, taking an extra long whiff of the cologne Oikawa had sprayed on earlier.

“Kei cheated on me. I just want to forget for a while,” he mumbles into his shoulder. Oikawa looks down at him in surprise, not expecting that news but welcoming it wholeheartedly.

He smiles, “Would you like us to help you forget?”

Tadashi looks up questioningly, “Us?”

Oikawa then points over to Yuuji and Tetsurou, who are currently making their way across the dance floor, awkwardly dancing their way through people.

Tadashi looks up at him and pleads, “Yes. Oh God, please.”

Tooru smirks, “Good choice.” He then spins the boy around once more and presses his hand against Tadashi’s lower stomach, pushing their hips together. Then, he leans his head down and bites lightly at his neck. Tadashi groans in pleasure at the feeling, his head lolling back against Tooru’s shoulder.

With closed eyes, Tadashi allows himself to get lost in the feeling of Oikawa’s hands and lips on his body. He feels like there’s a fire burning between his legs and his head feels fuzzy in the best way. Two new pairs of hands find purchase on his body, one hand sliding underneath the open collar of his shirt to run over the expanse of his chest.

He opens his eyes to see two pairs of eyes, one the colour of roasted almonds and the other a piercing yellow. Testsurou stands in front of him, hands squeezing Tadashi’s thighs and caressing his lower stomach while Yuuji uses his cold hands to tease his chest. Without another beat, Tadashi raises his right arm and grabs a fistful of Yuuji’s dyed hair and smashes their lips together.

The kiss is open-mouthed and messy and definitely not the best kiss Tadashi’s had but at that moment it felt like he was lip-locked with Eros himself.

Eagerly, Yuuji kisses him back with a slight smirk, his tongue piercing causing a weird but pleasurable sensation. The hand that was under Tadashi’s shirt drags itself across his chest and lightly tweaks his nipple. Yuuji’s eyebrows elevate slightly as his fingertips feel the distinct coldness of a steel piercing.

“Fuck!” Tadashi moans, his hips jolting as he throws his head back. As the kiss breaks, a lewd string of saliva connects their lips together.

Yuuji is in no rush to tell the other two men about his discovery of Tadashi’s naughty nipple piercings. Tetsurou leans over and laps at the saliva before bringing his lips to meet Yuuji’s. The two men make out heatedly, licking and nipping and kissing at each other in ways that have Tadashi rutting his ass back into Tooru’s dick carelessly.

Tooru breaks his lips from Tadashi’s neck, “does that turn you on baby? Seeing two hot guys making out in front of you, sharing your spit?”

Tadashi breathlessly nods his head in response and Tooru tuts at him.

“Use your words baby.”

Tadashi swallows the lump in his throat, “I love it, sir.”

Tooru’s eyes widen at the title before his lips stretch out into a Cheshire-like grin. He pushes Tetsurou’s hands off of the younger and the black haired man gives little resistance as he is too busy swallowing Yuuji’s tongue.

Tooru lightly drags his hands from Tadashi’s hips down over his stomach and to the tops of his thighs. Teasingly, he splays his fingers and brushes oh so gently at the sides of Tadashi’s groin. Yuuji notices the movement and once again squeezes his nipple.

“Hnn..fuck me!” Tadashi keens with closed eyes, his resolve dissipating even more as his body is teased and tweaked at by the men that he has had secret crushes on since his first year.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Tooru responds teasingly.

“Open your eyes for me, pet.”

Tadashi opens his eyes and is once again met with the sight of pretty amber ones, but these eyes are shaded by a pair of thick glasses.

“Kei?” He questions, pulling away slightly from Tooru’s hold. Tetsurou follows Tadashi’s eye line to see Kei standing there, mouth agape and eyes wide.

Kei had gone to the club for the same reason Tadashi did: to forget. What he didn’t expect was to see the boy he cheated on dancing with (practically fucking) three of the hottest people that Kei had ever seen. If the blonde thought they were hot as celebrities in high school, then now all three of them were like gods.

“C’mon baby, let’s give that cheater a show,” Yuuji tells Tadashi with a smirk before pinching and tweaking at the younger’s peaked nipples, causing a hearty moan to leave his throat as Tadashi keeps eye contact with Kei.

Tooru moves his hands to palm over Tadashi’s clothed dick and he ruts up into the touch.

Tetsurou had joined Tooru behind him and began to leave marks of his own.

Tadashi, all consumed by the feelings that they’re leaving on his body, doesn’t realize that Kei had stormed off with a red face and eyes full of hurt.

He just wants more of everything that they’re giving him.

“Please. Please fuck me. Take me home and ruin me, please,” Tadashi begs the three of them with lidded eyes, his brows furrowed and face flushed. Tetsurou, Tooru, and Yuuji all share a single look and without saying a single word, they all know each other’s thoughts.

Wordlessly, all but Tetsurou break away from him and Tadashi whines at the loss of stimulation. Said man leads him across the dance floor, assisting the boy through the clusters and crowds of dancing people and out of the club. Tooru goes to quickly collect their things while Yuuji closes the tab they racked up.

The late night summer air kisses Tadashi’s cheeks and he takes a deep breath in through his nose and exhales it out his mouth. He looks up at Tetsurou who is standing next to him, phone in hand. Tadashi can make out the loading screen for Uber.

Ah, responsible as ever.

Without the three pairs of hands on his body, the musty smell of alcohol and weed, the blaring music, and the hot bodies all around him, Tadashi can think properly.

He hasn’t seen any of the boys since Yuuji graduated high school last year (Tadashi was invited to his grad party). They’ve all changed so much since that fleeting night that he can’t really remember. Yuuji had brought out enough edibles to render all of them useless for fifteen hours so that night is mostly a blur.

They all look…older. Now Tadashi can really see how much of an adult Tetsurou looks like. His jaw is defined and his cheekbones are higher than Suna on a Saturday. His eyes are the same dangerously seductive yellow that he remembers but now they have a layer of maturity to them.

Tadashi knows that this is probably a stupid decision, in a lot of ways. He’s sleeping with people that know Tsukki and all of their friends and he’s doing it all at once. Tadashi can also tell that there is some sort of existing relationship between Yuuji, Tetsurou, and Tooru but he can’t tell exactly what it is. He’d hate to be the one to come between a relationship, even more so after he’s been cheated on.

That thought brings him back to why he is doing this.

Tsukishima Kei, his boyfriend of five years, cheated on him with their first-year manager. Suddenly, Tadashi doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that Tsukishima was hurt at the sight of Tadashi having fun and getting the pleasure he’s been missing for almost two and a half months.

Tsukishima Kei does not deserve Tadashi’s forgiveness or his time and so Tadashi concludes to himself that he’s going to fuck three hot men tonight and deal with everything tomorrow morning.

Like an adult.

Tadashi looks back up at Tetsurou and admires the way that the blueish light highlights his features. The tall man looks down at him and Tadashi wills himself not to avert eye contact.

“I know, I know, I’m devastatingly handsome. Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Tetsurou winks and Tadashi laughs at his response and walks up close to him, a plan in mind.

He puts a hand on Tetsu’s shoulder and tilts his head up, “Whatever you want, Captain,” he then pushes up onto his toes and connects their lips together into a sensual kiss. Tetsurou groans deeply into the kiss, the name tickling him in the recesses of his perverted brain. Tadashi can feel Tetsurou’s teeth scraping his bottom lip as the kiss gets deeper.

A low, teasing whistle sounds out, interrupting the intimate moment. The two pull away from each other to see Tooru and Yuuji standing there with dopey smiles and knowing eyes plastered on their stupidly smug faces.

“All worked up over a little kiss? Testu~ you’re losing your touch!” Tooru teases the slightly taller man as he eyes the erection that’s starting to press through Tetsurou’s slacks.

Tetsurou shoves Tooru’s shoulder with a grumble, “Oh shut up. That boy is a little minx!” Yuuji raises his eyebrows in response, intrigued by his lover’s word choice.

“Oh? And just what did this “little minx” do that caused our composed Kuroo Tetsurou to blush like a teenage virgin?” Yuuji teases, getting up close to Tetsurou’s face.

“He fuckin’ called me Captain,” Tetsurou mumbles out, his eyes cast to the ground and his cheeks red as roses.

Yuuji raises his brows, surprised at his answer and chuckles before turning to look at Tadashi, “My, my. Who knew our boy was such a pervert? Tell me baby, when was the last time that shitty ex of yours made you cum?”

Tadashi’s face bursts into a bright red blush and that burning feeling that was present in his groin earlier was back again at full force. He said “our” boy.

Yuuji bends at the waist, pushing his face into Tadashi’s, much like he just did to Tetusurou. With a conniving grin, he takes a strand of fringe that had fallen into Tadashi’s eyes and twirls it around his long index finger.

“I- well we, I mean I haven’t…uhm,” Tadashi’s brain shuts off from his mouth and he can’t seem to string together any semblance of a coherent sentence. He fumbles with his fingers in front of him, the way that Yuuji’s speaking causes his brain to short-circuit.

It’s been so long since, not only his body, but his brain, was teased like this.

The last few times that Tadashi and Kei had sex were quick and weirdly, not very intimate. There was a lack of pet names and kissing and Tadashi’s favourite thing, a careful mix of degradation and praise. This sudden influx of humiliating yet attractive conversation has him and his hard dick reeling in need.

“I- well, we” Yuuji mocks, “C’mon babe, it’s okay. We all know that you haven’t been getting dicked properly. We’re here to help you fix that, right?”

Dumbly, Tadashi just nods in response and swallows loudly.

“Good boy.” Tadashi’s knees go weak at the pet name and it takes all of his effort not to buckle down into the ground. How is he going to get through the night if he’s this worked up and they’ve barely touched him?

Right at that moment, the Uber that Tetsurou had ordered earlier pulls up to the curb and Yuuji stands up and saunters his way over to the car.

He’s proud that he can reduce Tadashi into a puddle of want just with some (what he considers to be) light teasing and a simple pet name.

Tetsurou huffs at Yuuji’s behavior, just happy that he’s not on the receiving end of the blonde’s incessant flirting for once.

Tooru walks up to Tadashi and smiles, “You seem like you need some help getting to the car.”

Tadashi just holds out his hand and Tooru gladly takes it, leading the younger to the silver Nissan that Yuuji and Tetsurou have already climbed into. With wobbly legs, Tadashi climbs into the car with Tooru’s help and the two of them go to the back of the car and sit in the third row of seats.

Tadashi melts into the seat, so thankful to finally be off of his feet. He’s been so caught up in the events of the day that he hadn’t realized just how much pain he was in. Between practice, sprinting home, and dancing, his feet are now burning with how exhausted they are.

The ride to the three college students’ apartment is mostly smooth and Tadashi is grateful for the reprieve that his brain (and his dick) has been granted. That is, until Tooru begins to run his right hand up and down Tadashi’s thigh, dangerously close to his half-hard cock.

The little touches flutter up and down his thighs. Sometimes, Tooru’s hand inches right above his dick but before he touches it, the feeling is dragged back up over his lower stomach. Butterflies settle in Tadashi’s tummy and he opens his legs wider, allowing Tooru more space to toy with. It takes everything in him not to moan out when Tooru finally touches him right where he wants it. Tooru’s fingers brush over Tadashi’s cock in feather-like motions, light enough to cause some long awaited stimulation but too light to give him what he really wants.

Now, Tooru’s fingers go from trailing up and down Tadashi’s shaft, to drawing little circles around his swollen balls and back up again. Every once in a while, a finger draws down enough to swipe right at the edge of Tadashi’s clothed, clenching hole. The teasing causes Tadashi’s previously half-hard cock to turn into a full stiffie.

To Tadashi, it feels as though the teasing has been going on for hours when in reality it’s been maybe ten minutes at most. He’s so lost in the feeling of Tooru’s fingers and the effort of trying to control his sounds that he doesn't know that the car’s stopped, he only notices the lack of touch on his dick as Tooru pulls his hand away. He tries to suppress a whine as the light pressure dissipates. One look from Tooru is all he needs to know that he needs to stay quiet, at least until the four of them are inside the apartment.

With help once more, Tadashi gets out of the SUV and stands on shaky legs, his erection presses up against the seam of his trousers, causing little sparks of pleasure to travel up his spine. His eyebrows furrow up in concentration as he tries to suppress the urge to thrust his hips up at the feeling.

Yuuji sends him a knowing look and Tadashi immediately blushes and shys away from his gaze, embarrassed that the blonde haired man saw what was going on in the back of the car. He ignores Yuuji’s gaze and instead moves to walk behind Tetsurou, who is eagerly making his way up the stairs.

Tadashi follows behind on wobbly legs and puts most of his weight onto the handrails that are helping him navigate the stairs without falling backward. As he walks up the stairs, Tadashi can feel two pairs of lustful eyes staring at him. Deciding to rile them up while he can (and while he’s in the safety of a public space) Tadashi adds a little bit of extra sway to his hips and purposefully pushes his ass out a little more than he needs to when he climbs up the next stair.

The teasing action is rewarded by one of the men behind him striking him across the behind with a crisp smack, the hit landing right on the meaty part of his ass. The stinging sensation that follows afterward has Tadashi tensing up at the feeling and letting out a small moan. He stops where he is for a split second before attempting to regain his composure and make it up the last half a dozen steps.

By the time he’s gotten to the top of the stairs and Tetsurou is unlocking the door to the little apartment, Tadashi is shaking in anticipation. He’s so ready to get destroyed by the three men that tower above him, so excited to get thoroughly fucked and used and ruined.

As soon as Tetsurou swings the door open, Tooru moves in front of Tadashi and gives him a command, “Jump.” He does as he’s asked and the strong setter holds him by his thighs, Tadashi’s legs wrap around his sinfully small waist. As soon as Tooru has adjusted to the added weight, he’s walking forward into the apartment with his hands groping every inch of Tadashi’s ass and thighs he can reach, any thought of modesty thrown to the wolves.

Yuuji and Tetsurou follow the two men into Tooru’s room, where he’s taking their new lover. Their eyes are dark and their pupils are so blown out that only a sliver of their irises can be seen. The sight in front of them has both of them getting hotter and hotter and Yuuji has to make an effort to rip his eyes away from the scene in front of him in order to close the front door.

Once Tooru is standing over his bed, he leans down and lets go of Tadashi’s thighs. Tadashi plops down onto the mattress and Tooru quickly follows. Laying down on top of the length of Tadashi’s body, Tooru brings the two of them into a sloppy open-mouted kiss. The sanctuary of the apartment grants both of them the needed permission to make as much noise as they please.

Tooru moves down from the other man’s lips to trail wet kisses and suckle marks into his jawline. He gets to the spot of Tadashi’s neck that’s right under the angle of his jaw and sucks hard. The stimulation causes Tadashi to moan out, “Fuck! That’s so good, sir!” His hips buck up against Tooru’s, causing their clothed dicks to rub up against each other in a moment of euphoria.

“Shit, baby. You feel so good,” Tooru compliments in response to the glorious pressure against his dick, something he’s been yearning for since him, Yuuji, and Tetsurou initially left their apartment. Tetsurou and Yuuji watch the scene unfold as the two of them strip down into nothing but their boxers, matching dark spots of pre stain the fabric and do nothing to hide the fact that both men are aroused. They walk to seperate sides of the bed and simultaneously kneel on the mattress, their added weight causing the two men exploring each other to look up at the disturbance.

Tetsurou leans over and gently pushes Tooru up so that his and Tadashi’s chests are no longer touching each other, but now Tooru’s ass is sitting directly above Tadashi’s dick. Without hesitation, Tooru uses this new position to grind down onto the younger. His balls rub up against the length of Tadashi’s shaft and he lets out sighs of pleasure at the release of pressure on his groin. “Oh my god!” Tadashi keens, his mouth falling open due to the pleasure.

Tetsurou makes quick work of unbuttoning the youngest’s shirt but stops his task as soon as he sees the two shining metal bars that poke out of each side of Tadashi’s nipples. His brain stops for a second as he drags his nails along Tadashi’s lean stomach.

“Oh god baby, look at you,” he groans out at the sight, hands coming up to twist and pull at the piercings. He turns to look at Yuuji, who has pulled out his hard cock from the confines of his boxers and is currently stroking himself slowly, a prince albert decorates the head and glints against the soft glow of the lamp light.

“Why didn’t you tell me that this little vixen had his nipples pierced?” Tetsurou emphasizes the inquiry by tugging harshly on the metal and pulling a moan out of Tadashi’s mouth that is so sinful Satan himself would blush at the sound.

“Wanted to- hnng- surprise you,” Yuuji grunts out as he fucks his fist to the sight in front of him, a wet shlick noise joining the cacophany of erotic sounds in the room.

“Well you sure as shit did,” Tetsurou comments as he removes his hands from Tadashi’s nipples, which now sit stiff and senstive. The black haired man lifts his shoulders off of the bed slightly to get Tadashi completely out of his shirt. As the sleeves fall down Tadashi’s shoulders, he can feel Tooru’s weight shift off of him and feels the setter’s deft fingers pulling on the zipper of his pants followed by the button coming undone.

Tadashi lifts his hips as best he can to aid Tooru in pulling down his pants and boxers. The brunet yanks his own pants down along with Tadashi’s and throws them somewhere in the bedroom. He’ll deal with the mess tomorrow. He eagerly yanks his shirt up and off his head. Tadashi squirms underneath the older man’s gaze, his chestnut brown eyes full of both lust and longing.

The younger gazes up at Tooru intensely, taking in his nude form that Tadashi swears must be the inspiration for countless Greek statues. His chisled abs look strong and Tadashi wants to run his tongue over every hill and through every valley of his torso. His Adonis belt is defined and points Tadashi’s eyes directly down to look at Tooru’s fat, flushed cock.

He wants to grovel at Tooru’s feet and worship every inch of him. Tadashi wants to kiss up and down his aroused dick and wants to know what the setter would feel like on the inside. Probably something akin to the finest velvet produced.

“You’re so perfect, like a God,” he mumbles out to himself, not entirely aware that he’d said that aloud. On top of him, Tooru moans out at the praise and rocks his hips onto Tadashi’s again as a reward.

“As much as I would love for you to worship me, today it’s our turn to worship you, baby,” Tooru says as he presses his hands on the top of Tadashi’s thighs, now grinding against him in a dizzingly pleasurable rhythm. The feeling of their bare cocks rubbing against one another has Tadashi’s head reeling in pleasure. Tetsurou resumes his work on the youngest’s sensitive nipples, determined to get him to cum for the first time of the night.

“Fuck! More…more please!” Tadashi whines out, his hips bucking up against Tooru’s erractically. Yuuji gets up from his position at the end of bed and moves to sit next to Tadashi’s head. Said boy turns to look at him, eye watery and pupils blown.

“Plea…se,” he begs pathetically, brows drawn up tight and face scrunched in pleasure. Yuuji looks down at him and brings a hand to his face. He caresses the side of Tadashi’s forehead, gently petting his ruffled hair down.

“This is all you’re getting right now, pet. So be a good boy and take it for me, okay?” Yuuji smirks down at Tadashi, who whines in disappointment but ultimately begins to let himself become more immersed in the pleasure his body is feeling.

“That’s a good boy. Just feel it. Feel the way that Tooru is working your cocks together. Feel Tetsu’s tongue on your nipple. Does it feel good, love?” Yuuji questions, bringing his hand back to his own straining dick. He runs his hand over the shaft, the pressure just enough to be pleasurable and keep him aroused, but definitely not enough to make him cum any time soon.

Tadashi nods his head in response, his shining eyes full of lust and what can only be described as wonder. The movement of his hips becomes more aggressive and his back starts to arch up into Tetsurou’s touch even more.

“Hnng I’m gonna cum!” Tadashi exclaims, already almost at the peak of his orgasm.

“Go ahead baby, come for us,” Tetsurou says as he pinches and pulls at Tadashi’s puffy nipples. Tadashi’s entire body shakes as his orgasm starts to wash over him, intense and almost overwhelming.

His cock kicks as white ropes of cum spurt out, the hot sticky liquid staining his own chest and Tooru’s dick and chest. The sight of Tadashi cumming underneath him causes Tooru to reach his own peak.

Tetsurou and Yuuji both pull back slightly to look at the two men that lay in front of them. The sight of Tadashi and Tooru cumming all over each other with their hips still grinding in order to prolong their orgasms leaves both of them groaning and fisting their cocks. Once again, not enough to make them cum, but enough to give them pleasure.

A solid three minutes have passed by the time that both Tadashi and Tooru’s orgasms have washed over them. The older practically collapses on top of Tadashi as both of them breathe heavily, smearing their cum together on their stomachs.

“That was…” Tooru starts breathlessly, “amazing.” Swallowing roughly, Tadashi responds. “Fuck, I don’t think I’ve come that hard in a fucking year.” He chuckles, the endorphins that come from sex still fogging up his brain. He begins to shift under Tooru and push the older man off of him, thinking that this night of sex is over.

“Woah, woah. Where are you going?” Tetsurou questions, using his hand to push Tadashi back down. Confused, he just looks back up at the black haired man.

“I thought we were done? I mean, I already came,” Tadashi responds, genuinely naive to the thought of how this night was going to go.

Almost simultaneously, the other three men bust out in a great deal of laughter, Tetsurou’s howling drowning out the other two’s. Puzzled, Tadashi looks at them, starting to feel a bit self conscious as he awkwardly chuckles along.

“Oh, baby…do you mean to tell me that Kei would only make you cum once?” Yuuji questions, his eyes containing a predatory glint to them that has Tadashi shrinking back into the bed. With big eyes, he nods at Yuuji.

“Oh, no no. That just won’t do,” Yuuji tuts in fake sympathy, “See baby, I want to ruin you. I want you to cum so much that you can’t think of anything that’s not us and the pleasure you’re feeling. Okay?”

“Shit!” Tadashi’s eyes roll back into his head and he almost cums again just from Yuuji’s words right then and there. Tooru pulls himself off of Tadashi to see that his cock is already filling back up again. “I can’t believe you haven’t been played with like this before, especially since your body wants it so badly,” Tooru smirks as he drags a finger from the head of Tadashi’s flushed cock, down the swell of his balls, and around the rim of his fluttering asshole.

“Unhh, Tooru!” Tadashi keens as Tooru runs his finger around the taught ring of muscle. Gently, Tooru pushes Tadashi’s thighs apart to gain more access to his quivering hole.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty, baby,” he comments as he ducks his head down in between the smaller man’s legs. Tooru’s tongue darts out to lap at his entrance, tasting a mix of his and Tadashi’s dripping cum. Tetsurou holds Tadashi’s head in his hands and urges him to open his eyes and look at him.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, pet. Tooru is going to open you up for me with his tongue and fingers and then you’ll sit on my dick. Then, you’re gonna let Yuuji sit on yours, alright?” He explains vulgarly, excited yellow eyes piercing through Tadashi’s hungrily.

Tadashi nods in agreement but the silent answer only earns him a pinch on the thigh from Tooru. He yelps in response.

“Tooru’s right baby, you need to use your words. So tell us, is that alright?” Tetsurou asks, an air of dominance surrounding him that hadn’t been there for most of the night.

“Yes, sirs!” Tadashi wastes no time in answering, fully believing that the three of them would have absolutely no problem with punishing him if they thought it appropriate. As a reward, Tooru begins to work a finger into Tadashi’s tight ass, using a mixture of spit and cum as lube. The intruision sparks a strong of sinful moans from Tadashi’s gaping mouth.

“Oh, you’re such a good boy. Look at you,” Tetsurou coos down at him, taking note of the way that Tadashi’s eyes have almost completely glazed over. He looks over to Yuuji and beckons him to come look at the ruined man laying on the bed.

Tooru continues to scissor Tadashi open, his tongue pushing against the man’s rim. By the time he’s able to add another finger, Tadashi is starting to grind his hips back into Tooru’s hand and face.

“Look at him, under and happy. Like a natural born whore,” he comments as he brushes his hands through Tadashi’s hair comfortingly. At the compliment, Tadashi’s back starts to arch once more, showing the other three that he’s once again close to an orgasm.

Right as his back starts to arch, Tooru pulls his fingers out of Tadashi’s ass and gives his inner-thigh one last cheeky bite. Tadashi’s hips twitch as his orgasm evades him, whines pouring out of his mouth.

“Wha…why?” He gasps out, pink tear tracks staining his pretty face. Instead of Tooru answering like Tadashi’s expecting, Tetsurou pipes up instead.

“Because, baby, I want you to come on my dick,” the black haired man explains casually like his words aren’t making Tadashi’s back arch. All the hands that had been caressing him leave and Tadashi feels cold. The chill is short. Just as soon as the hands left, they came back. This time though, something thicker than fingers prods at the rim of his ass.

Tadashi, who had closed his eyes in frustration, opens them again to see Tetsurou’s dick positioned in between his thighs. One look at it and Tadashi can already feel his insides clenching. Fuck. He’s so thick.

Tetsurou’s dick isn’t the longest he’s seen, in fact it’s quite average. The girth, however, is anything but average. Tadashi knows no amount of fingering would ever get him loose enough to take it without a stretch.

“Hnh…oh fuck!” Tadashi turns his head to see Tooru working his fingers in and out of Yuuji, getting him prepped to take the younger’s cock. Tetsurou, who notices Tadashi’s diverted attention, grabs his chin and pulls it to the front.

“Don’t look at them right now, baby. Look at me.” It’s in that moment that Tetsurou grabs his dick in one hand and guides it into Tadashi slowly. Tadashi throws his head back at the intrusion, the fat head of Kuroo’s cock pushing past his rim.

“Oh my god! Ohmygod ohmygo-“ his back arches as Tetsurou slides in deeper, stretching his ass. Tetsurou stops halfway inside to help Tadashi adjust. He brings his calloused hand to the younger man’s cock and gives it a few stokes to help relax him. It works and eventually he loosens his muscles and Tetsurou is able to slide in the rest of the way, balls touching his perineum.

As Tetsurou is fully seated inside him, Tadashi feels like all the air in his lungs has been knocked out. His head feels fuzzy and he’s being split open just right. He floats for a bit as Tetsurou stays still to let them both adjust, the warmth of Tadashi’s body so hot and good it’s almost overwhelming. So lost in the feeling of a thick cock inside him, Tadashi doesn’t notice the other two men who’ve shifted from their position on the bed beside him. It’s only when he feels a cold trickle of lube drizzled onto his shaft that he realizes they had moved.

He opens his eyes in time to see Yuuji swinging a leg over his hips before settling on his stomach right above his dick. Tadashi (who had already forgotten what Yuuji had said earlier) looked up at Yuuji in shock, his eyes widening.

“No…no it’s gonna be too much! I can’t-“ he blubbers, little tears springing into the corners of his eyes.

“You can. You can take it, baby. I know you can,” Yuuji interrupts before grabbing Tadashi’s lubed cock and guiding it up to his hole. Without warning, he sheathes himself all the way down in one go with a hearty, the wet warmth surrounding Tadashi’s dick all-encompassing.

For a minute Tadashi just lays there, trembling. He’s never felt so overwhelmed, so full of pleasure.

He…

loves it.

Letting his desires take over, Tadashi moves his hips, unsure if he wants to grind back into the thick cock in his ass or buck up into the wet hole on his dick.

Getting the message, both Tetsurou and Yuuji begin to work together to drive Tadashi crazy. As Tetsurou pulls out, Yuuji slams down onto Tadashi’s dick. When Yuuji pulls himself up, Tetsurou rams his cock into Tadashi’s tight hole, his fat dick hitting very good spot inside him. They work in tandem, riling him up by going fast before slowing down to an almost painful pace. Yuuji slides his hands up to Tadashi’s chest to pluck at his nipples and play with his piercings again, his thighs shaking with the effort of riding him.

At some point, Tadashi is unsure when, Tooru comes to sit next to him, turning Tadashi’s head guiding his mouth to his cock.

Greedily, Tadashi suckles and slurps on Tooru’s dick. He savours the salty, slightly bitter taste of precum. Quickly he pulls off and looks into the brunette’s eyes, “Please. Fuck my mouth.” Without hesitation, Yuuji pulls his hands from the younger man’s nipples and Tooru shifts himself so that he’s sitting on Tadashi’s chest. Almost immediately, he rams his dick back into Tadashi’s mouth. He opens his throat and allows Tooru’s cock to slide in and out.

In and out and in and out and in and out. The rhythm picks up and slows down, the three older men working Tadashi’s body into a lustful haze as nothing but groans and moans and the slick sound of bodies together is heard.

Before he knew it, the hot knot of arousal that had been building up in Tadashi’s abdomen was ready to burst. All at once, he clamped down on Tetsurou’s cock, groaned around Tooru’s, and his own kicked up inside Yuuji’s tight heat.

Tooru pulls off of his chest, giving him room to breathe as he begins to jack himself to completion. “Fuuuuuck!” He groans as his back arches and he cums inside Yuuji and around Tetsurou. Tooru fists his cock until he cums, shooting spurts of white onto Tadashi’s face. Some of it manages to land inside the man’s open mouth.

Yuuji cums soon after, painting Tadashi’s chest with semen, tight walls gripping Tadashi’s overstimulated cock. He pulls himself up and off of Tadashi before flopping exhausted on the unoccupied part of the bed. It’s just Tetsurou left.

He looks Tadashi in the eye, his green eyes glazed over with lust as tears run down his pink cheeks. “I- I can’t do it! S’too much!” Tadashi babbles, thrashing his head around.

Tetsurou reaches a hand up to gently grab his chin, “You got it, just a little more, baby.” He then leans down and connects their lips together, sharing Tooru’s cum, Tetsurou licking it up off his face. It’s only a few more thrusts before Tetsurou buries himself to the hilt and cums deep inside Tadashi with a low groan.

They stay like that for a minute, Tadashi covered in cum, Tooru and Yuuji both exhausted and splayed out, Tetsurou seated inside him still, breathing hard.

Tetsurou is the first one to move. He gently pulls himself out, shushing Tadashi’s small cries at the empty feeling, and flops back down on the bed. Tadashi tries to make a move to stand up off the bed but he finds that everything below his belly button is buzzing still, numb with pleasure. His head fuzzy from his orgasms.

Seeing Tadashi’s attempt to walk, Tooru sits up and practically shoves him back down with a glare. “Stay down,” he orders before getting up himself. He shakily pads out of the bedroom and down the hall, his footsteps getting a little farther away. The sound of a door opening and running water gives away that he’s in the bathroom.

Tooru comes back with four washcloths, one for each of them. The three older men go through their normal post-sex cleaning, wiping off lube and sweat and cum, knowing that all three of them were too tired to take a proper shower.

Then, Tooru takes the fourth washcloth and begins to gently wipe Tadashi down. Yuuji and Tetsurou sit next to him, rubbing at his skin and placing comforting kisses on his chest and face. Tadashi whines softly when the cloth is dragged against his sore cock and hole.

Between the comforting touches and the exhaustion of two orgasms, Tadashi is quickly lulled to sleep. The last thing he registers is a blanket being pulled up over his naked body and three kisses on his face before he’s pulled into the comfort of his dreams.

[scarfwrites]

hii! I have a request (again lol), kageyama, kenma and yamaguchi x reader (separate), i have acne and i'm really insecure about it, i've been trying to find the right products but I have really sensitive skin, how would they help/comfort me? sorry if it's too much:)

Acne Comfort Headcanons w KAgeyama, Kenma and Yamaguchi 

❅Genre : Fluff, Crack, Comfort, slight angst

❅Pairings:  Kageyama x Reader

                     Kenma x Reader

                     Yamaguchi x Reader

❅Warnings:  none

❅ Summary : You wake up with a breakout of acne

❅A/N : SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO MAKE THIS I was busy with some life stuff. As someone who had acne and was insecure about it, it’s okay to have them! It’s part of growing up and they’ll disappear eventually. Even if you have acne it doesn’t make you less of a beautiful person :D 

Kageyama

I feel he wouldn't notice your insecurities more so what made you insecure right away, he’s pretty dense

It’s also something that he’d see nothing wrong with

Though he will notice your sad expressions everytime you look into the mirror

He’d assume it would be something about your looks

Once you do voice your concerns he makes sure he’s all ears

He might not be the best at comforting you but he tries his best! 

Assures you that you’re beautiful no matter what and nothing will ever change what he thinks of you

Everytime you’re sad he’d constantly reassure you with compliments

He’d definitely try to find any kind of solutions to fix it he can’t handle seeing your sad expression or you degrading yourself over your looks

“I’m sure it’ll all go away” Kageyama reassured you with a smile as you touch your face

“I know but… I don’t like seeing them they make me feel y'know…” you confessed as your frown gets bigger softening the blue haired setter’s expression

“Nothing’s ever gonna change the fact that I see you as the most beautiful person in the world, you’re still my amazing partner who cheers me on at my games!” Kageyama expressed joyfully as he pulled you in for a tight embrace

“Thank you…” you hugged him tightly trying not to tear up from his comfort

Kenma

Being as perceptive as he is compared to the other two he’d definitely find out from the first few signs

He’d continue observing your behaviour before he acts especially if you won’t wanna admit it

Gives you lots of words of reassurance and always makes you feel beautiful

He’d also shower you with more affection and comfort

Though if you still feel sad about it he’d try to help you take your mind off it with games specifically the comfy kinda ones like stardew valley or animal crossing

 Just like the other two if you really feel uncomfortable with you acne he’d help you with solutions to fixing it

“Looks like you beat me again” Kenma smiled as he put down his controller looking at you

“You totally did that on purpose” you smiled softly “A guy who spends all his time on volleyball and games can’t lose so easily”

“It’s no fun winning all the time” he responded as he saw you looking at yourself through the reflection of the tv screen. You notice his stare and quickly look away before speaking up “S-sorry”.

“Don’t be” he moves closer to you before holding your hand “I just want you to know you’re beautiful no matter what alright?”

“Thank you” you smiled softly as he smiled back “Why don’t we have another rematch”

Yamaguchi

Out of the three I feel he’d be the most empathetic

 He’d be the most understanding as being also insecure he probably experienced those kind off things

He might even see himself in you when you share how it’s been affecting you

Tries to comfort you the best he can! I think he’d even use his personal experience of being insecure to help you

Expect whenever you feel insecure about them he’d give you endless reassurance and compliments

Would definitely give you more affection to cheer you up

“I know how it feels…” he spoke softly as he embraced you “But don’t let it get to you, you’re beautiful no matter what! If I got through it, so can you!” He expressed happily, his joy infected you making you smile 

“Thank you Yams” you embraced him back tightly making the green haired boy’s heart swell as he smiled brightly “I really needed that”

“No prob” he replied “If it makes you feel better why don’t we go out for ice cream!” He suggested making you smile as you nod

“Yeah I wouldn’t mind that” 

[pastel-mocha]

Love Confession || Yamaguchi Tadashi x Fem!Reader

genre: hurt/comfort

highschool!yamaguchi x reader (both are in their first year of highschool)

word count: 1054

warnings: none, at least I don't think so:)

A/N: Hey everyone! this is my first story and if course it had to be about yams because he is one of my favourite characters from haikyuu, please let me know if there's any typos/mistakes I wrote this after midnight so I apologise, I ACCEPT SUGGESTIONS AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!! <33

Today was finally the day you thought of confessing your feelings to Yamaguchi, You've had a crush on him ever since. middle school.

The summer holidays were just around the corner, if he didn't like you back you wouldn't have to deal being embarrased around him, by the time you would have came back to school your feelings would probably be gone, still it would be very awkward to hang out with him after friendzoning you.

You suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline and that's when you decided it was the perfect time to confess, of course after class was done.

"Class is dismissed, enjoy your lunch" your English teacher said before walking out the classroom's door

You took the notebooks that were laying on your desk and carefully placed them in your school bag, you heard a familiar voice calling out for you

"Y/n, when are you going to confess to Yamaguchi?" The blonde hair girl asked, her eyes filled with curiousity

"Oh about that.. I was thinking today but I don't know if he likes me" you answered your best friend's question

"C'mon Y/n, now you're just overthinking! Don't be negative all of the time" Yachi gave you a reassuring smile

"I am sure he likes you back, You are so awesome, gorgeous and smart how could he not like you? You two look perfect toge-" You cut your best friend off

"Yachi, can we just drop this conversation and act like it never happened?" you were nervous, scared of confessing, what if he didn't like you back? thoughts started clogging up your mind but Yachi stopped before you could have spiralled into your old bad thoughts

"Y/n, you don't have to confess right now, I am always here for you and I can help you" Yachi came forward and hugged you, then someone walked by and whispered

"I know he likes you" You froze once you heard another familiar voice, but you weren't so sure who whispered to you

"What?" You were red as a tomato and your ears started burning

"I wasn't talking to you, dumbass" of course it's Tsukishima

"Then who were you talking to?" You asked while praying he was actually talking to you, and not to your best friend

"I meant to say that to Yachi, sorry Y/n" You felt betrayed, it wasn't Yachi's fault at all

You pushed her away, carefully to not hurt her, grabbed your belongings and stormed out of the classroom, you went to your safe place to calm yourself down

Passing by the gymnasium you saw Yamaguchi, you didn't stop to greet him as you usually did, you continued to walk, the pace becoming faster.

"Isn't that Y/n?" Hinata asked while pointing towards you

"Hm? Sorry, I didn't notice she walked by" Tadashi replied and then proceeded to ask a question

"Do you think she's mad at me? She usually stops by and greets me" the freckled boy said, The other boy could see the fear in his eyes

"Maybe? I dunno, dude this food is so awesome, take a bite!" Shoyo tried reassuring Tadashi, it didn't quite work out

Yamaguchi got up, and walked in the same way you did, eventually he bumped into you, you were laying on the grass, under a cherry blossom tree

"Y/n?" his eyes widened when he saw you teary eyed, you tried rubbing your tears but it was too late, he noticed something was wrong

"Tadashi? What are you doing here?" you asked, though you weren't ready for any kind of confrontation, not now.

"I saw you walking by the gymnasium, and you didn't stop by to chat, I wanted to see if something is wro-"

"Everything is wrong, first I found out that my crush likes another girl, and by another girl I mean Yachi my best friend, I mean there's nothing wrong with her but I am jealous" you take a deep breath and continue to ramble about your feelings

"And now you're here, and yo-you showed up here while I'm crying" he hands you a tissue and allows you to spill your thoughts further.

He doesn't know if he should ask, maybe you will find it offensive and feel upset again

"I wanted to ask some questions about your crush" he quietly said, his voice is truly mesmerising

"Well, he is pretty tall" he cut you off and said

"Let me guess, is it Tsukki?" he giggled at your response

"No, it's not Tsukishima, It's someone else who makes me feel loved, he is really smart and handsome too, he doesn't think so, but I do" you blushed, looking the other way to not face him

"Why don't you confess to him already?" He asked, his green eyes filled with confusion

"Well here it is" you said before taking multiple deep breaths, "Tadashi, I've had a crush on you since middle school and words can't explain how happy you make me, I always wanted to confess to you but never found the perfect opportunity.

But today is different, you may not feel the same and our relationship might be awkward after this, but I can't continue bottling up my feelings" you sighed, your hands are now covering your face "This is so embarrassing" you mumbled, your ears were burning again

"Y/n, i feel the same way about you" his hands pushing yours away from your face, tucking some of your hair behind your ear, your face was red and you looked like you were going to explode anytime soon.

"I hid my feelings from you because I thought you didn't like me" he said with a calm tone, while rubbing the back of his neck

"But, Tsukishima said you like Yachi, you don't have to feel bad for me" you said while Yamaguchi was wiping some of your falling tears away

"Y/n, you really trust Tsukki? That boy loves to tease everyone" he smiled at you, pressed a kiss on your forehead and hugged you tightly

"I will always love you, no matter what happens between us" he said with a lot of confidence and of course you trust him but don't forget to ask one more question

"Promise?" you looked up at him, your eyes full of happy tears, you smiled while waiting for a response

"I promise"

_________________________

Reblogs are highly appreciated<33

[sluttyshima]

In Excelsis

Content / Trigger Warnings: body image issues, mention of fatphobia and bullying, unprotected sex, oral sex, fingering, super soft dom, body worship, lots of praise, slight marking, light impact play, hint of overstimulation - overall it is very soft and loving sex

Characters: Tadashi Yamaguchi x chubby female reader

Words: ~3.4k

AN: Repost from my old account.

Tadashi has never once said anything to make you doubt his attraction for you. He has done nothing but sing your praises, even before the two of you started dating. Everything about you is perfect to him, and he reminds you of it often.

But that doesn’t stop you from staring at your own reflection with a critical eye.

You stand in front of the full-length mirror in your bedroom, clothed only in your undergarments. Pinching and poking at the softer parts of you, you frown with dissatisfaction.  It’s no secret that you look nothing like the women you see in magazines or on television. You’re bigger than them, plush in places where society tells you that you should be trim.

Clothes don’t fit you the way that they fit the mannequins. Even garments that are tailored for people your size, are almost always modeled by a woman who is ‘acceptably’ plus-sized. The same dress that had smoothly accentuated the curves of the model on the website where you had bought it, clung to you in ways that caused your already fragile self esteem to plummet. You had been so excited to wear it, but now it lay discarded on the floor in front of you as tears wet your lashes.

“Hey, sweetheart, are you almost ready?” Even after over two years of dating, and three months of living together, Tadashi still maintained a few of his shy habits. He knocked on the door to your shared bedroom, politely warning you that he was coming in before doing so. “Wait, why aren’t you dressed?”

His eyes moved from you, to the dress at your feet. Expression softening, he sighed as he reached for you. His face joined yours in the mirror as his arms wrapped around your middle.

The way that his arms pressed into your plump stomach left you feeling embarrassed and exposed. Wasn’t he disgusted by the way your flesh squished beneath his hold? Even if he wasn’t, you certainly were.

You untangled yourself from his grasp and turned to face him. Tadashi was trying, unsuccessfully, to hide the hurt that he felt at your rejection. He seemed conflicted, wanting to help you but unsure of exactly how to do so. As always, he was overthinking, worrying about all of the ways that he could accidentally make the situation worse.

“The dress doesn’t fit right.”

It was a pitiful attempt at an explanation, but he understood. He knew. You had struggled with low self esteem long before ever meeting him. When the two of you had started getting closer, you had opened up to him about your experiences as a larger woman.

He had been stunned. Obviously he was no stranger to bullying, having gone through it himself. But what you went through on a daily basis was something else entirely. Fatphobia went so much deeper than mere taunting. It was a struggle simply for you to be taken seriously. No matter how active you are, people assume that you are lazy. Medical professionals ignore your symptoms, always wanting to try to blame everything on your weight.

Your past has taught you that the way you looked was wrong. Society made it clear that you were not going to be accepted, that you were not good enough. After years of this treatment, it was no wonder that you had such a warped opinion of yourself.

“We can find you something else to wear.” Tadashi reached for you, one hand slowly tracing the curve of your hip. “Or we can stay in, and I can spend the whole night showing you how stunning you are.”

Rolling your eyes, you try to ignore the involuntary reaction your body has to him. “You don’t have to lie to me. I have eyes, I know how I look.”

“I’m not lying, sweetheart.” His voice is small, sad. “You know that I think you’re perfect, right?”

“You didn’t find bigger women to be attractive before me,” you argued as you averted your eyes. “You’re seeing me through rose-colored glasses. If I were just a random person on the street, you wouldn’t spare me a second glance.”

He frowns. “What do you mean? I did spare you a second glance - and a third, and a fourth, and so on. Ever since I first saw you, I haven’t wanted to take my eyes off of you.” Pulling you in by your waist, he uses his free hand to cup your chin and gently tilt your face up to look him in the eye. “You were the most gorgeous woman that I had ever seen, and you’ve only become more beautiful since then.”

“Do you- do you really mean that?” You desperately want to believe him. But the doubts that are constantly swirling around in your mind make it difficult, near impossible. “You’re not just saying it to make me feel better?”

Tadashi leans close enough to rest his forehead against yours. “Of course I mean it, baby.” The hand at your waist squeezes slightly. “Let me show you. Please?”

The word ‘yes’ barely leaves your lips before they are covered by his. There’s a tenderness in the way that his mouth slots against yours. One hand guides your head to deepen the kiss while the other settles on your lower back to push your body flush against his. Your fingers tangle in his soft hair, tugging lightly the way that he likes.

A single kiss leaves both of you breathless, and you gasp when he pulls away for air. His face is already flushed, pink coloring the skin beneath his freckles. It’s never taken much to fluster him. You wonder if he’s just easily flustered, or if you have that effect on him.

You barely have a chance to catch your breath before Tadashi is on you again. This time, his lips stray from yours. He teasingly nibbles the chub of your cheek before trailing kisses down your jaw to your neck. His hands wander down to your ass, squeezing and kneading the supple flesh as he sucks and bites on your skin.

His mouth returns to yours as you begin fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. The way that he sucks your tongue into his mouth makes it difficult for you to concentrate, and the task takes much longer than it usually would. When you finally finish with the last button, he pulls away just long enough for you to push the shirt off his shoulders. He discards it quickly before returning to you with even more fervor.

Lost in the kiss, you don’t notice right away when he begins carefully walking you backwards towards the bed. You’re caught off guard when you feel the back of your legs press against the mattress. A yelp escapes you as you begin to fall backwards.

Tadashi simply laughs, following you down. He assists you in climbing further back onto the bed before he comes to hover over you. He keeps his weight off of you with a knee in between your legs and a hand on the side of your head. The other hand smoothes across the skin of your stomach, caressing you tenderly.

“I wish you could see how beautiful you look like this,” he mumbles as he pulls back to look at you. “God, you have no idea what you do to me.”

His touches become a bit rougher as his eyes darken with lust. He massages one breast through the cup of your bra. When you lift your upper body and unclasp the garment, he wastes no time in removing it, tossing it aside without care.

“You’ve got such perfect tits.”

Balancing on his knees now, he cups your breasts in his hands. His thumbs ghost over your nipples, which pebble beneath his touch. He groans at the sight. Ducking his head, he takes one perky bud between his lips and suckles. His tongue alternates between tracing circles around and flicking rapidly against it. He catches the other between thumb and forefinger, pinching lightly, and smiling at your resulting gasp.

The attention he lavishes upon your breasts is akin to worship. Mouth alternating from one to the other, he leaves your nipples sensitive and saliva slicked. Eventually his fingers take over, while his lips kiss, bite, and suck their way across your chest. Bruises color your skin, leaving a possessive display of blossoming purple.

“Dashi!” you squeal as he nips at one of the marks that has just been formed. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging lightly to get his attention.

“Sorry, gorgeous.” He apologizes with a soothing kiss to the sore spot. “You just look so good, it makes me go a little feral.”

Slowly, his attention begins to travel lower. His hands grasp at your plush stomach. The feeling of his warm, wet tongue traversing the soft rolls has you squirming. He is quick to hold you still with a hand on your hip, admonishing you with a gentle swat to your thigh. “Stay still baby, and let me enjoy you the way I want to.”

His command has liquid pooling between your thighs. But it’s more than just the physical sensation, or the display of dominance. What really turns you on is the way he truly seems to be enjoying himself. He appears to have already forgotten his original intention of proving something to you, as he instead becomes drunk off of your body. The proof of his own pleasure is in the small moans and grunts that leave his lips, and the way that he grinds his hips down against the mattress.

“Gotta taste you.” Tadashi’s voice takes on a slightly whiny tone as he slips his fingers beneath the elastic of your underwear. “Lemme take these off?”

You nod and lift your hips, allowing him to pull your panties down your legs. He stares at your exposed cunt reverently as he settles on his stomach. Squeezing the fat of your thighs, he brings your legs over his shoulders and turns his head to scatter kisses up and down your skin. Each time his mouth nears the spot where you need it most, he pulls away.

Patience wearing thin, you huff. “Stop teasing! Please!”

“Shh, baby,” he coos. His thumbs part your lower lips and he leans forward to sweetly kiss your clit. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, give this pretty pussy the attention it deserves. Promise.”

Flattening his tongue, he licks a stripe from your hole to your clit. Your eyes roll back as he buries his face between your legs. He’s sloppy, too captivated by the smell and taste of you to worry about the way the mixture of your juices and his saliva drips down the curve of your ass and soaks the sheets below.

The noises are obscene. Your cunt squelches as he begins to fuck you open with two fingers, lips smacking messily against your folds. While his moans are muffled, sending tingling vibrations straight to your core, yours are loud, unrestrained and desperate.

“Gonna cum!” You’re panting now, chest heaving as you lift your hips to grind against his face. “Fuck, Dashi, gonna- I’m- cumming!”

Your thighs clench tight around his head while you ride the waves of pleasure that are coursing through your body. His tongue slowly laps at your clit, fingers leisurely pumping in and out of you as he works you through your orgasm. When you finally manage to open your eyes, you watch as he pops the appendages in his mouth, eyes closed as one by one he sucks them clean and releases them with a small pop.

Tadashi takes his time kissing his way up your body. When his lips finally land on yours, his tongue immediately bullies its way into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself on him. “See how sweet you are?” he mumbles into the kiss.

You’ve only just come down from your high, but he’s impatient. Hands smoothing up and down your trembling thighs, he pushes them apart so that he can settle his body between them. You can feel him pressing against you through his slacks, hard and ready. His eyes are glazed with pleasure and he whimpers softly with each needy roll of his hips.

“Fuck,” he groans against your lips before pulling back. He seems to tower over you as he sits back on his heels, gaze roving up and down your body. “Look at you, pretty girl. Jus’ seeing you laid out for me like this makes me so hard.”

He unbuttons his pants and shoves them down, kicking them off somewhere behind him. The sizable tent in his boxers is a temptation that you simply can’t resist. He hisses and throws his head back when you squeeze him through the fabric, slowly stroking from base to tip. Your eyes lock onto the slowly growing wet patch, unmistakable against the light colored underwear.

It’s not enough for you to feel his warmth through the clothing though. You pull them down, watching as his hardened cock slaps against his stomach. He’s a little above average length, but thicker than one would expect given his thinner frame. The tip is blushed pink and leaking, and you salivate at the sight.

Your grip tightens as you begin to pump his length more vigorously. Tadashi bites his lip, barely restraining his moans. His hips buck in time with your movements as you use his own pre as lubricant, hastening the rhythm at which you jerk him off.

“S-slow down, sweetheart,” he begs. “Gonna make me cum too quick if you keep doin’ that.”

But you have no intention of slowing. His expression, the little sounds he makes - all of it only encourages you to keep going. You want to see him come undone, lose himself to the pleasure.

“I said. Slow. Down.”

Hands grip your hips tightly enough to bruise. You instinctively let go of his cock in order to clutch at his wrists. It’s too late to stop him, though. He’s already moving, repositioning you so that you are now on your knees, ass in the air.

There’s a sudden, sharp, stinging pain as Tadashi brings his hand down on one of your cheeks and then the other. He’s quick to soothe the pain though, gently rubbing the heated skin and even bending down to press a kiss to the affected area.

“You gonna be good for me, now?” he asks. While one hand keeps a tight grip of your hip, the other smoothes down your back. His long, thin fingers wrap around the back of your neck and push you down so that your face is smushed into the pillows beneath you. He parts your legs with one of his, putting you in the perfect position for him.

For a moment he keeps you like that. You can practically feel his eyes boring into you. You’re sure that if you were able to look back at him, you would see him staring at the way your back is arched for him, your plump ass raised and on display, your glistening cunt just waiting for him.

Finally, you feel his hips come to meet yours. His hard cock grinds against your ass for a few seconds. He begins to glide through your slick, lubricating himself. When the blunt head catches against your clit, you keen and push back against him. He delivers another harsh slap to your ass, eyes narrowing as he watches the resulting jiggle.

“Gonna fuck this pretty little hole,” he says as he begins to prod against your entrance. “You want that, don’t you, baby?”

The feeling of his thick cock slowly pushing inside of you makes it nearly impossible to speak. You’re barely able to whimper out your approval as he begins to stretch you out. The feeling is indescribable, every vein rubbing deliciously against your gummy walls as he dregs in and out of you at a pace that leaves you desperate for more.

“God, sweetheart, you take me so well.” His body leans over yours, allowing him to leave sloppy kisses along your shoulders and the back of your neck. “Feel so good, squeezin’ me just right.”

As Tadashi begins to pick up speed, his hands roam over the expanse of your body. He reaches below you with one, greedily grabbing at your stomach and breasts. The other rests on your ass as he enjoys the way the fat ripples with each thrust.

“‘s too good!” His breath is hot against your ear as he presses his weight into you. “I’m not gonna last. You’re so good, so goddamn sexy, fuck!”

The noise of flesh against flesh is almost loud enough to drown out the sound of your joined moans as he sets a relentless pace. His balls slap against your clit as he pounds into you furiously. He’s lost in pleasure now, unable to think about anything but chasing his own release.

Suddenly he changes the angle, allowing him to hit a spot inside of you that has you seeing stars. You reach back, desperate for something to hold onto as you feel your second orgasm rapidly approaching. His fingers twine with yours, lips ghosting over the lobe of your ear as he whispers praises.

“So gorgeous like this,” he croons. “My perfect girl, with a perfect fuckin’ pussy. Just for me, all mine, right baby?”

His thrusts became sloppy. Free hand snaking between your legs, he rubs frantic circles on your clit. “Wan’ you to cum with me, can you do that? Come on, sweetheart, let go for me.”

At his command, the coil in your stomach tightens and then snaps. You chant his name over and over again like a prayer. Your whole body shakes from the intensity of your pleasure.

The feeling of your already tight walls clamping down on him is just what Tadashi needs to send him over the edge with you. His body practically collapses on top of yours as you feel his warm seed fill your spasming cunt. But he continues moving even after he’s been milked dry, humping into you and overstimulating himself until tears gather in his lashes.

“I don’t wanna stop,” he confesses. “Wanna keep fuckin’ you, pretty girl.”

“Dashi, s’too sensitive!” You whine in protest. “Please, I need a break!”

Reluctantly, he pulls his softening cock out of you and falls beside you on the bed. You can feel his release dribbling out of you and clench your thighs together in an attempt to keep from making more of a mess than you already have. Rolling over, you seek out the warmth of the man beside you.

Tadashi pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you and guiding your head to his chest. You can hear the rapid thudding of his heart, and listen as it begins to slow. Nuzzling close, you sigh happily at the contented feeling of being in your lover’s embrace.

“I don’t ever want you to doubt how beautiful you are,” he murmurs. Cupping your face in one hand, he gently pulls you up so that he can brush his lips against yours. “Every part of you is perfect, and it affects me in a way that no one else ever has, that no one else ever could. I want you, all of you.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He interrupts you before you even get the chance to argue. “Sweetheart, I love everything about you. I love the way that your eyes light up when you look at me.” He kisses your forehead. “I love how soft and warm your body feels against mine.” He kisses one cheek, and then the other. “And I love how much of you there is for me to love. Just wanna grab you and kiss you all over, all the time.” He finishes with a tender kiss to your lips.

You bury your face in his neck, hiding how emotional his sincere words have made you. He chuckles, playfully tickling your sides. “Don’t get all shy on me now, baby.”

A sudden pinch to your rear causes you to squeal and try to jerk away. But he catches you by the waist, pulling you so that you’re seated on top of him. To your surprise, he’s already hard again. He grasps your hips and guides you to grind against his length, pupils blown with desire.

“I’m not done showing you just how much your body turns me on.”

[hail-ey-m]

тα∂αѕнι уαмαgυ¢нι—αηχιєту

Relationship: platonic

!!TW: anxiety symptoms!!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Dear Y/n,

Hey! So, I know its kinda random for me to, y'know, write to you out of the blue. But I've kinda noticed that you've been a bit jittery..?

Not like I was watching you- at least not in a creepy way or anything- I just, I was worried for you is all. Not because I think something is wrong with you, but because I recognize the shakiness. 

I get what anxiety feels like, so I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you ever need to like, talk or get some advice..? I'm probably not the best at that sorta thing, but its the thought that counts, right? 

I would love to help you, and let you know that as lonely as it feels, your not alone. Cause I am here! (I'm sorry I had to-)

I think you are really brave and strong and- and cool! God I hope tsukki doesn't find this, he'll never let me live it down >.<

I do care about you and your well-being, so does everyone else on the team. So don't be scared to ask for help okay? Nobody is invincible, and nobody is perfect. This doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. 

I'll talk to ya later!

-Tadashi ♡

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

© 2023 Shiggy | All Rights Reserved | No portion of this work may be used or adapted in any way without the author's explicit consent.

[semiis]

their cuddle positions w/haikyuu

pairing: various x reader

genre: headcanons ; fluff

warning(s): none

a/n: this is an old post i uploaded on my hq blog from 2020. this was one of my favorites so I thought it was be nice to post it again. back then, i went with the ones i wrote for so i'm keeping it just the way it is. i’m really sorry if your favorite isn’t there. i hope you guys like them !!

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

atsumu, ushijima, daichi ⥼ the sweetheart cradle. i personally think this would be his go to cuddling position. his arm wrapped around you, holding you close while he lays on his back, your head buried deep into his chest while you inhale the scent of his cologne. most definitely pats or strokes your head as a sign of comfort or whispers nothing but comforting words to you. 

suna, kageyama, tsukishima ⥼ the leg hug. i don’t know why, but this is definitely you guy’s go to. the two of you would be chilling on either one’s bed, sleeping, on the phone, playing games etc. while one of your legs are entangled together. it’s much more relaxing to him and you both get the physical contact you were craving from each other. 

oikawa, sugawara, kita, asahi ⥼ the honeymoon hug. oikawa loves the physical affection between you two and whenever he’s feeling touch starved this is his go to. the both of you are entwined together, holding the other tight, arms wrapped around each other - almost as if refusing to let go. his chin (or yours) is delicately propped up on top of yours. he can feel your breath against the crook of his neck and he adores it. sometimes find him or yourself peppering soft kisses on the other. 

bokuto, lev, yamaguchi ⥼ the spoon. he loves cuddling, especially when it’s with you. he mostly loves cuddling after a long day a practice when he’s beat and worn out.  he lives for having his arms securely around your torso while your back is pressed up against his chest. you would sometimes find his hands caressing your sides or arms and he’d be eager to leave the most tender kisses against the back of your neck. 

hinata, osamu, noya, tanaka ⥼ the butt pillow. you or him laying on your stomach while the other has their head propped up on your butt. also an easy way to tease his s/o. he loves it. the “best pillow in the room” and the only one you guys want to lay your head against. it’s common if he strokes/caresses your leg, might even draw an invisible heart on it. 

tendou, kuroo, iwaizumi, semi ⥼ the cradle. he enjoys when you're laying on top of him, legs on either side of his body, cradling him while his arms hold you firm against his chest. you listen to the sound of his heartbeat and almost find yourself falling asleep to the soothing, rhythmic sound. 

kenma, sakusa, akaashi ⥼ the lap pillow. he’s fond of laying his head in your lap and often finds himself doing it every time he comes over to your place and vice versa. play with his hair, stroke his cheek with your finger, boop his nose, bend over to place kisses on his face - all of them would make him melt. loves peering up at your face from that angle and admires just how attractive you are. 

© semiis 2024 ; do not translate, repost, modify, or copy my work.

[sixosix]

religion's in your lips

third year to timeskip!hinata x fem!reader, a tad suggestive

It’s Shoyo’s fault.

You don’t join Shoyo’s outings often; most of them are volleyball-related anyway, and you didn’t want to get in the way. But right now, it’s just the third years, and Shoyo had begged so sweetly with round eyes that you would be cruel to even think about denying him.

Kageyama sits on your other side, stiff and polite, jostled here and there by Shoyo pressing up against you. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Yachi sit on the other side of the table. Conversation is light and comfortable. They don’t exclude you even when talking about practice matches and lineups—Yamaguchi asks you about your own club ever so often, too.

Yamaguchi claps his hand, forcing everyone’s attention on him. Except Shoyo, who’s busy tracing stars on your hand. “Do you guys want to watch a movie this weekend? I heard they’re releasing a sequel of the one we watched back in first year.”

Yachi emits a wordless sound of excitement, easily agreeing. Kageyama and Tsukishima begrudgingly agree at the same time, then sneer at each other. Then they all turn to you and Shoyo.

Shoyo grins. “Sorry, I got plans already.”

“You get a girlfriend, and suddenly you forget about us,” Yamaguchi mourns. Shoyo laughs while you get flustered and assure them that you’re not keeping your boyfriend hostage. Kageyama says that they know Hinata is the one doing it.

“You’re going to watch our match next week, though, right?” Shoyo asks you in a low whisper, as the other three dutifully settle in their own world.

“You don’t even need to ask, Shoyo,” you tell him. “Of course.”

Shoyo’s eyes brighten impossibly, face split into a grin. He looks like he wants to push you down onto the floor to kiss you in front of his friends, but he doesn’t. You knew he wouldn’t.

It’s Shoyo’s fault.

Really. Seriously this time. Specifically, Hinata Shoyo from third year. He’s changed from first year, gained more confidence, but he’s still shy and soft-spoken with you, which you expected from someone as sweet as him. It set your expectations for him and what your relationship would look like in the years and years that you’ll spend with him: bearing that first love kind of shyness.

It takes about two years to prove you wrong.

When Shoyo came back from Brazil, the first thing he did was kiss you breathless in front of everyone in the airport.

His strong arms around your waist, pulling you up—which you had to think ‘thank God’ for because your knees have definitely buckled. You don’t think too much about it, because he’s been gone for two years—two!!—and you’ve missed each other too much.

But when Hinata’s mouth descends to your jaw, you have to push him by the chest and exclaim (albeit weakly), “Shoyo—there are still people behind us!”

Shoyo blinks and pulls off, his eyes fogged over with heat that makes you have to look away, having to remind yourself that you’re in public and you do not want to beg for him to continue. Thankfully, his friends yelling his name seems to have snapped him out of it.

But his palm never left your side, splayed over your hip like a mark.

It gets worse at his homecoming party thrown by his teammates back at Karasuno. You’re familiar with them, and they’re familiar with you, so of course, it wasn’t a problem when Shoyo was pulled away to greet everyone. You made friendly conversation with Sugawara-san, caught up with Nishinoya, and joked around all night with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

“You called each other every night?” Yamaguchi’s brows have shot up all the way to his hairline.

You smile. “I mean—isn’t it normal for people in a relationship?”

Tsukishima shrugs. “Hinata loves you as much as he loves volleyball, I’m not surprised.”

Yamaguchi considers it. “Hmm, I guess.”

“Hinata’s waiting for you,” Kageyama mutters from behind you, appearing out of nowhere. His brows are stitched together, and his mouth is pulled in his ever-permanent Kageyama pout. “His staring is pissing me off. Can you go get him?”

“He’s not a dog, Tobio,” you chide lightly but grin all the same when you turn to your side and see Hinata Shoyo’s eyes drilling holes into your head.

He’s not mouthing anything. Shoyo stays seated on the loveseat, looking entirely isolated from the crowd around him. His eyes say it all: come here.

Helpless to his whims, you obey.

“Shoyo,” you murmur as soon as you reach him.

He pulls you to his lap. “Baby.”

You freeze. He’s never called you that before—his expression isn’t shy at all, too, just expectant. Heat crawls down your body as he tugs your back to his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder. Shoyo’s own warmth is a burning sensation. You feel lightheaded.

“Ah—well, um.” You pinch your arm. “Are you feeling okay? Did you drink?”

“There’s no alcohol here.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw Sugawara-san holding a bottle.”

“Ah, well. Sugawara-san.”

You understand. What you don’t understand is what happened in those two years to have Shoyo’s hand crawling on your thigh, a scorching mark on only that part of your skin. To have Shoyo’s breath on the nape of your neck without him flushing and flinching away. To have Shoyo have this air of confidence around him that’s usually in volleyball suddenly translate to you.

“Did you miss me this much?”

“You have no idea, don’t you?” The implications are clear: I could show you how much, if you want.

Still, this development is very sudden. You squirm on his lap, but Shoyo doesn’t relent. He keeps you there, a puddle in his hands. Nobody is watching—or maybe they’re just being respectful, but you feel flustered facing this side of Shoyo in public.

“Shoyo,” you warn. “Not here.”

It’s Heitor’s fault.

Ever since Hinata had met Heitor and Nice and witnessed how unapologetically intimate they were with each other, Hinata became envious. He wanted that, too. He wanted that with you.

“Well, why wouldn’t you?” Heitor asked when Hinata lamented to him.

Hinata made a pitiful noise, like a deflating balloon. “I don’t know. I think she just thinks I’m too cute to take that seriously.”

Heitor laughs. “Shoyo. Trust me. You’ll drive your girl crazy if you’re confident with it.”

It’s Heitor’s fault, and Hinata is eternally grateful for it, seeing your wide-eyed face beneath him like this. He loves it when he surprises people, but yours might be a different kind of thrill that he’s already addicted to.

[suplicyy]

You bringing him a bento for the first time!

Haikyuu boys x Gn!Reader

— Summary: How would he react to receiving a bento at school that you made especially for him.

— Characters: Yamaguchi, Kenma, Akaashi, Oikawa, Tendou.

— Tags/Genre: Gn!Reader | Fluff

— Idea by: @sarasversionworld

Yamaguchi Tadashi

He never thought he would receive something like this until he met you.

You always treat him with so much love and affection, that he even thought about the possibility of this happening one day, but he always thought he was dreaming too much.

But when you appeared at his desk holding a small box wrapped in a flowery cloth, he felt like he might pass out right there.

Yamaguchi is someone who is very insecure about himself, as he has not received attention from any person in a romantic way, so receiving something simple but as comforting as a homemade lunch means a lot to him.

"Huh!? This is for me...? T-Thank you very much!!"

You can be sure he was all flushed when he took the bento from your hands.

And if you have any doubts that he didn't like it, put it out of your mind immediately! Tsukishima will definitely complain to you the next day saying that Yamaguchi talked about your bento all day.

Kenma Kozume

We all know that Kenma is someone who eats very little, and it's no wonder he has the smallest appetite in the series.

You worry a lot about his diet and how it affects his well-being, and as he is a volleyball player, he needs to eat well to be in good shape for every game!

And to help him, you thought about making a complete bento for him at least once a week.

So when you walked towards him with a bento box in your hands, he didn't think it was for him and that it was your own bento, but those thoughts soon dissipated when you shyly handed him the box perfectly wrapped in a polka dot cloth.

Obsessed with technology, Kenma always has his cell phone or console in his hand while eating a meal.

Then It was an unexpected surprise to see him putting away his video game to eat the bento you made for him.

And if you give him a delicious slice of apple pie, he will definitely try to eat better to get the dessert.

Akaashi Keiji

As someone who has the habit of taking care of others around him, he was probably the one who gave you a bento earlier, so as a thank you, you decided to make one for him too.

Even if he never said it to you, it's quite noticeable how much he likes onigiris, seeing as he brought one to school almost every week.

And that was why the bento you prepared was full of onigiri of different flavors, as you weren't really sure which flavor was his favorite.

Akaashi would certainly be very grateful for the surprise, and he may be a little shy about the gift and sometimes doesn't show his emotions as much, but you've known him long enough to know that he loved the bento you prepared for him.

"Oh, that's for me?" He takes the bento from your hands, and when he opens it, he finds onigiris that you made yourself.

"Thank you, my love." He gives you a small smile, and when no one is looking, he plants a kiss on your cheek.

Also, don't be surprised if Bokuto appears out of nowhere and eats some of the onigiris you made for Akaashi, he usually eats his friends' snacks (and doesn't share when someone wants to eat his snack💀).

Oikawa Tooru

He has certainly received several bentos or snacks from his fans, and no matter how willingly he accepts each gift, he has never been so interested in it.

But his opinion is totally different when it comes to you, he appreciates every thing you do for him.

We all know he can be a little cheeky sometimes, so expect to get a comment from him bragging about himself.

"But of course you wouldn't resist the thought of spoiling me, I'm irresistible after all." says Tooru giving you a wink.

Just give him a serious look and he stops talking in the same second...😭

Oikawa will beg you to feed him, blatantly lying that his hand is hurting at that moment.

He'll be bragging to his third-year friends about how he has such an amazing partner and they don't, but not until Iwazumi threatens to throw him off a cliff.

Tendou Satori

Just like Yamaguchi, Tendou is someone who has never caught anyone's attention romantically, and is even excluded because of his different appearance than other people.

So when he receives a bento from someone he loves so much, he will definitely remember it forever.

Trust me, he'll have a passionate smile written on his face and with the brightest eyes while listening to you talk about how you prepared his favorite food.

He would probably first make some joke about the situation, to try to ease his own shyness, but later he will genuinely show his gratitude in every possible way.

Tendou loves being around you, so expect lots of hugs and little kisses during lunch, in addition to his lots of compliments for the bento you made.

The next day, he probably would surprise you with a dessert he made especially for you, like truffles, cookies or even cupcakes!

And please give him lots of compliments too!! This way, he will prepare something every week for you.🌷

— A/N: They had already sent me this idea a long time ago, and only now have I managed to have the creativity to write something about it.😭 Anyway, thank you very much for your help!! And I will certainly do that other idea of yours that you sent me!

[iidrk3i]

☆ WALK BACK HOME

hq -- tsukishima x gn!reader

summary: tsukishima kei likes being alone, but he makes an exception for you.

warnings: nothing, just fluff

word count: 554

the sun sets when you walk out of your last class of the day, finally making it to the weekend. all the students are bustling to make it out of the classroom while you took your time packing stuff away. right as you turn to exit the classroom, you’re greeted by a tall figure with his headphones hanging around his neck--that figure being no other than your best friend, tsukishima.

“oi, could you be any slower?” he grumbles, flicking your forehead as you look up at him.

“well you could’ve left, but you chose to stay, didn't you?” you cock your brow teasingly at him, giggling as a light blush covers his cheeks while he mumbles a small whatever and starts walking off.

you sped up a bit, trying to catch up with the tall boy. “where’s tadashi?” you asked.

“he left earlier, said he needed to go to the store.” tsukishima responds, looking straight ahead as he opens the door for the both of you.

this had become a usual routine, tsukishima would meet you after last period everyday, waiting for you no matter how long you took. he would always try to walk you home. sometimes yamaguchi would accompany your walks home as well, but on some days it was just the two of you. if he had practice, he would let you know so you wouldn't end up waiting for him.

there was a comfortable silence while you two walked down the sidewalk, sun still setting along the horizon. you come to a stop, spotting a pretty flower near where the sidewalk and road meet. tsukishima slightly grabs the handle of your backpack as you bend down and pick the flower, showing it to him.

the corners of his lips quirk up into a slight smirk, taking the small flower out of your hands and putting it in his pocket of his school uniform. this makes warmth spread on your cheeks, getting back up quickly to get back home.

while the both of you continue walking to your neighborhood, tsukishima speaks up.

“do you want to come over tomorrow?” he asks, there's no emotion behind it, but as you turn around you see that he’s flustered. cheeks dusted in a light pink like earlier, hand scratching his neck awkwardly.

“huh? the tsukishima kei asking me to come over? why so?” you tease, finding it funny and cute as his blush grows deeper, he looks to the side.

tsukishima tries to come up with something witty, but he can't. “yes, i am. akiteru and my mom are visiting family, so you could come over,” tsukishima hates how awkward he sounds. he hates that only you make him so awkward. he also hates how the sunset just shines perfectly in your direction, making you look breathtaking.

you take a small step closer to him, “i thought you liked being alone?”

“i do, but i guess i could make an exception for you.”

now you’re both blushing, but tsukishima feels himself go red when you accept his invite. as the sun dipped lower, casting a warm glow over the neighborhood, you walked side by side with tsukishima towards home. tomorrow held promises of a different kind of sunset, one shared in the comfort of his company, and perhaps a few shy smiles exchanged too.

a/n: hi!! this blog is just gonna be some random blurbs i come up with and probs be most abt hq :) also probs gonna be on/off bc im bored

[volleychumps]

HEY, HEY, HEY!! I love your Haikyuu fics, so I was wondering if you could make a fic where the reader is an absolute simp for the boys and shows her lovesickness no matter what, she'd have nosebleeds, compliments them every single time, has literal albums and photos of them everywhere on their phone or at home, she always treats them like kings, etc. The boys could be Bokuto, Akaashi Kuroo, Kenma, Kags, Tsuki, Miya Twins, Sakusa, Ushijima, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Yamaguchi, Tendou if possible

*you can choose from these if you can't write for them all, i dont mind :>

*you can also make them fem or g/n, whichever your comfortable with

- I suddenly remembered that i loved ur reader wears their jerseys fic, so i was wondering if you can make smth like that. But no pressure!! Have a great dayyy💗💗

When You're a Hardcore Simp (w/ Bokuto, Kageyama, Sakusa, and Iwaizumi) x Fem! Reader

HAHA WHAT UP GANG- wait sorry if this isn't as good as my usual stuff, let's see if I can ease back into it <3

warning(s): manga spoilers!!! In Bokuto and Sakusa's. Mention of slight blood in Bokuto's. (like a nosebleed)

Bokuto

“Y/N, you’re embarrassing. Since when were you a loser?”

You dab at the dark red liquid under your nose, a satisfied smile on your face as the owlish-haired man spikes a cross-spike across the court in an astonishing manner, the crowds of people in awe at the ace’s movements. Your eyes trace his broad shoulders, the black uniform stretched to fit his body handsomely with a confident tinge in his golden eyes. His arms-

You sigh dreamily, Kuroo Tetsurou rolling his eyes from next to you as Bokuto leaps in joy, slapping Hinata on the back and bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Jealousy is a disease, Tetsurou.” You don’t let the tall raven-haired boy damper your mood, wondering how you got so lucky as Bokuto drinks in the cheers from the audience. Kuroo rolls his eyes, reaching in his gym bag for a pack of tissues before offering you one as he leans on the railing. You accept it, taking your eyes off the love of your life momentarily to tilt your head upwards. 

“At least I don’t act like a perv in public.” Kuroo snips, eyeing you carefully as you glare at your long-term friend from high school. “Hey, are you okay? This isn’t normal, you know.”

“I’m good.” 

“You sure about that?” Kuroo nods at the court, and your eyes meet Bokuto’s golden irises all the way from where you’re standing near the upper-railing as a grin stretches across his handsome features, closing his eyes while waving in your direction with both of his arms in large gestures. Your eyes fill with adoration again, turning away quickly as the blood flow increases out of your nose.

“Nope! I take it back, my heart can’t handle this.” 

Kuroo scoffs, practically seeing hearts in your eyes as Bokuto wilts on the court as you turn your back to him. 

“Is Y/N avoiding me?” He frowns as Atsumu snickers, Sakusa shaking his head in slight disgust and disbelief at how unbelievably down bad you were. Atsumu points into the crowd with a smirk, Bokuto’s eyes lighting up at the sight of you leaning across the railing with your hands cupped to your mouth. 

“I LOVE YOU KOUTAROU!!!!” Your voice booms among the cheers of the audience, but Bokuto hears it so clearly. Kuroo is holding your waist back in annoyance at the attention you were getting from onlookers nearby, keeping you from falling off the railing. Bokuto’s eyes sparkle as he laughs at the dramatic kisses you were blowing in his direction. “YOU’RE SO HANDSOME-!” 

“I LOVE YOU MORE BABY!!!” He’s giddy, warmth evident in his features as his manager palms his face in absolute exhaustion. Hinata waves excitedly to both you and Kuroo as Sakusa and Atsumu raise a single hand in greeting. Talk about a PR disaster. 

Your cheers are loud in his ears as the Black Jackals take the final set, and Bokuto looks as handsome as ever with sweat trickling down his temple, his arms bulging with heavy use as he winks at you from up in the stands. You squeal when he motions to the passes around yours and Kuroo’s neck to come down for special access to the court. 

“I take it back.” Kuroo is annoyed and exhausted as you leap into the Ace’s arms with a squeal, Bokuto catching you by the thighs as you wrap your legs around his middle section in a passionate kiss, obviously unable to keep your hands off each other. 

“You’re both losers. Get a room before the press attacks.” 

Kageyama

“Stop wasting your money, Y/N.” Kageyama chastises you quietly, a box of white milk tapping the edge of his desk as your little school girl skirt takes the seat in front of him, an easy smile on your features as the tips of his ears burn a bright pink. 

“Waste?” You frown, tilting your head a little bit with your cheek in your palm. “Why is it a waste if my baby likes it?” 

Kageyama’s cheeks flare up next, obviously short-circuiting as you withhold a giggle, Hinata watching the exchange with a slight pout on his lips. 

“So cruel, Y/N-chan, you’re breaking our setter.” The orange-haired first year complains. “And you didn’t get me anything!”

“You know I’d never forget you, Sho.” You roll your eyes, a can of orange juice hitting the edge of Hinata’s desk yet as his eyes brighten tenfold, excitedly popping open the beverage as Kageyama embarrassedly distracts himself by sticking the straw into the box. You smile a little knowing grin as he refuses to meet your eyes, but it’s obvious it became less special to him when you got one for his idiot friend as well.

Casually, you reach a hand out to grab Kageyama’s hand as he internally combusts at the actions, holding a conversation with Hinata in the midst of it as you play with the tips of his fingers. 

Kageyama’s jaw slackens, the softness of your hands making his head spin in a good way before you make eye contact with him. You looked at him with so much love in your eyes, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

“Break time’s over! I’ll see you later, Sho.” You grin at your friend as Kageyama looks at you in expectation, and you try not to coo at the hopefulness in his blue irises before leaning down, kissing his cheek softly and so sweetly even Hinata has to look away with a blush. 

“I’ll see you later, Tobio.” You cup his cheeks afterwards, kissing the tip of his nose for good measure before beginning to bounce off with a giggle. “Have a good practice later, okay?” 

Tobio sits there for a second before a puff of smoke almost visibly comes out of his head, cheeks a deeper red than ever before. Hinata groans, calling after you as you skip your way out of his classroom. 

“This time I really think you broke him Y/N-chan!” 

Sakusa

“Yer’ so down bad it’s laughable.” Osamu quips, and you look at him in false offense, sporting Sakusa’s jersey number as well as his number written on your cheek in black paint. The black jackals cap sitting atop your head tilted slightly to the side, as if you have no idea what the hell he was talking about. 

“I don’t know why you would think that.” 

“Don’t piss me off.” 

You laugh, Osamu humming in content as he lazily watches his brother get blatantly rejected by your boyfriend in his attempt of a double high five as the game nears its close. You bite back a smile at the subtle, knowing glance he sends your way, stomach fluttering in anticipation of seeing Sakusa after his game.

“Ya look like a crazy fan that he should get a restraining order against.” Osamu continues, nudging your shoulders as you pout. 

“Do you think it’s embarrassing? Maybe Omi thinks it’s silly?” You question the shop-owner, beginning to smudge off the ink on your cheeks as your mood dips, Osamu blinking once before beginning to feel a little bad he made you insecure. Instead, he clicks his tongue, reaching out to help clean up the now smudged mess on your cheeks.

“If yer’ gonna wipe it off, at least get it off all the way.” 

“No!” You exclaim with puffed out cheeks, astonished he would even offer as you take an abrupt step back. “Only Omi can touch my face.” 

Osamu blinks at you again in disbelief, slightly impressed at the public display of your loyalties at 100% before getting annoyed again. “Oi. Don’t make me out to be some sort of-” 

“Good girl.” Your eyes light up as Sakusa taps a hand on your head, scowling at the inky mess on your cheeks before meeting Osamu with a deadpan stare. “What happened to my jersey number?” 

Osamu’s eyes flit between the two of you as Atsumu can’t help but burst out laughing from the court below, the cook coming to a slow realization as Sakusa turns your head to the side with a slight pinch in your cheeks with one hand, a sanitizing wipe doing just the trick as you meet his seemingly indifferent stare with a look of pure adoration. 

He’s just as whipped as you are. 

Sakusa finishes ridding your cheeks of ink before tugging you along, bringing his mask up over his face as you hum giddily, smile etched into your features when he stops outside the locker room with an outstretched hand. 

“It’s not embarrassing?” Your voice is quiet as you look up at him with a hopeful glint in your eyes, putting the black paint marker into his hand as Sakusa rolls his eyes. He writes #15 in elegant strokes on your clean skin, laser focused, capping the marker after in satisfaction. 

“No.” His response is simple as he tugs down his mask to place a quick kiss on your eyelid, a heat warming your cheeks as Sakusa hesitates for a second before placing one on your lips as well, sending your heart soaring wildly. 

He’s already walking ahead of you as you stare after him in slight bewilderment for a second, already bounding up next to him as you slip your hand into his. 

“Thought it was too public for you, Omi.” 

“That’s your prize for not letting Miya touch what’s mine.” 

Iwaizumi

“Y/N’s rizz is unmatched, as always.” 

Matsukawa grins into his canned coffee at lunch time, watching as you somehow manage to get Iwaizumi to smile a bit in the selfie you were taking, a flirtatious wink in your eye as your hand cups his cheek lovingly. Iwaizumi nods in quiet approval at the bento you had made for him, shooting you a small loving look he only reserves for you before tugging you into his lap casually. 

“I still don’t understand how Iwa pulled someone as adoring as Y/N.” Hanamaki whistles lowly, Oikawa nodding in agreement with a grin. 

“She’s such a simp.” 

“We’re sitting right here, what the hell.” You glare a little bit at the three of them as Iwa matches your action, Oikawa almost laughing at the uncharacteristic expression on your face you obviously adopted from your boyfriend. 

“I’m not a simp!” You proclaim as Iwaizumi arches an eyebrow amusedly, but doesn’t say anything. “You can’t prove it.” 

“Turn your phone around.” Hanamaki doesn’t miss a beat, finishing off his own bento as you wilt a little, showing the clear phone case littered with heart stickers and a single polaroid photo of Iwaizumi overlooking a strawberry patch. Iwaizumi looks away to hold back his expression, but the guys could tell from his eyes he was pretty happy.

“Most girls do this.” 

“Uh-huh.” Matsukawa’s next, smirk beginning to tickle the edge of his lips. “What do you have his name under in your phone?” 

“Iwa.” 

“Why are you lying for fun.” Oikawa plucks the phone out of your hand, ignoring your whine of protests before showing the group your blatant lie. “I’m pretty sure this says ‘Future Handsome (DILF) Husband’”.

“See, that was a typo.”  But your cheeks give your poor lie away anyways, upset at how Iwaizumi begins to hide his grin in your neck and hold you a little tighter in his lap. 

“Is this not a whole album dedicated to your relationship with him- how the absolute hell do you have 600 images of him? I only have one and it’s from fourth grade!” Oikawa’s rant of complaints is cut off by you snatching the phone out of his grasp, before pushing off of Iwaizumi’s lap to run out of the room in embarrassment. Iwaizumi’s mood darkens, turning to his friends as Oikawa freezes up with a nervous grin on his face.

“Too far?” 

“You three are apologizing to her later.” Iwaizumi doesn’t leave room for comments, his tone changing drastically into a shy mutter as he stalks out of the classroom to go find you. 

“Even if she is a bit of a simp.” 

“You say that like you didn’t spend a year and half liking her, Iwa-chan!”

[oh-katsuki]

the notebook theory (tsukishima kei x reader)

masterlist | ao3

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Summary: Kei has a cynical and jaded outlook on love. When his friend Tadashi figures out that Kei has feelings for you, Kei isn’t sure how to react. After all, love is not something he does but rather, something that happens to him.

"There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory.

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason."

Content Warnings:  fem!reader (gender neutral pronouns), no real manga spoilers, slow burn, one-sided pining, angst, mentions of divorce and broken homes, toxic relationship (kei's parents), smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), pinching, mentions of mark making, overstimulation (m!receiving), multiple orgasms, hair-pulling

Word Count: 24.8k

A/N: i know i spent forever working on this but it's finally done and while i have a lot of thoughts about it, idk rly what to say. anyway, here's my first attempt at a tsukishima long fic. also i already know that im not beating the tsukkiyama allegations, okay? i tried and failed to beat them okay i just think there is no way to put them in a situation without it being a little homoerotic bc.. they r them okay? anyway, i hope u enjoy and would love to hear ur thoughts <3

The morning comes without warning. Kei thinks he’s read that somewhere, though he’s just sure just where he saw it. He also thinks that whoever said that is right. Morning is always a harsh assault and never as gentle as people describe it to be. 

Kei’s room, the one he rents at university, faces toward the east. In the mornings, when the sun peeks over the horizon, it shines directly into his room and onto his bed before creeping across the light wood floors. His blinds, as useful as they are, always let some through the cracks and the light cuts the ground like butter to a knife. Kei doesn’t think it feels half as romantic as it sounds. 

The light works better than his alarm. No matter how set he is on sleeping in, he never fails to wake up as soon as those slats of light make their way across his bedspread. It wakes him like fever and he’s never quite as comfortable as he felt falling asleep. This morning is no different. 

He rises like he always has, running a hand over his blonde hair and dragging it down his face after sitting up. Then, he stands once in an attempt to gather his bearings before sitting right back down on the edge of the bed. He fights the lingering remnants of sleep, feeling the ray of sunlight beat down on his back. Then, he reaches towards his glasses on the nightstand and slides them up the bridge of his long nose before standing up again once and for all. 

Yamaguchi lives in the other room. His best friend since high school, perhaps his only real friend. They’d miraculously attended the same college and decided to room together, though his other friends from his youth aren’t too far. The arrangement managed to make it all the way until their fourth and final year. Living with each other has become par for the course. 

Tadashi wakes up later than Kei does on most days, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. On those days, he has an 8 am and is usually in the kitchen before Kei has even stood up for the first time. Today is a Wednesday, so Yamaguchi is asleep in his room. The morning light doesn’t wake him the same way it does Kei. His room faces west, so it isn’t until the mid-afternoon, when Tadashi is chased from his room by the afternoon rays and heat, that he notices the sun on its blinding conquest across the sky. 

Kei’s room is clean and neat. There’s no clutter, no collection of items that don’t have a proper place. Everything is itemized and stored exactly where he intends for them to be. His floor is void of stray clothes, of socks he’d discarded the night before, his nightstand is bare and his desk is surprisingly empty save for one notebook sitting in its center. It’s a room that he could leave at any time, despite living here for nearly two years. If Kei chose to do so, he could pack his things and be gone in a day. 

Yamaguchi’s room is different. It’s lived in and well worn. There’s clutter on the floor, socks and pants he’d taken and tossed away to be dealt with later. Certain things don’t have a place and end up living on semi-crowded surfaces filled with things he likes to put down as quickly as he’d picked them up. Kei envies that way of living. A non-temporary way. He envies the rug in Yamaguchi’s room and the way he fills the space with himself. Kei thinks that even after they’re long gone, future tenants would still be able to feel Tadashi’s presence. 

To say that Kei is cynical would be accurate. He tends to lean more towards paranoia in his own strange way. He keeps things in order to quell the anxiety in it. Things stay where they are meant to be. As a result, he’s earned himself somewhat of an uptight attitude that makes Kei feel more awkward than relaxed even when he’s in his own spaces. Not that he minds it. 

Tadashi’s dish from last night is sitting next to the sink. Kei moves around it as he fixes a tea, making an effort not to drag his feet across the floor because he hates the scuffing sound. Every now and then, the glass of his mug will clink against the cheap kitchen tile and Kei will cringe in some paranoid worry that it will wake his friend. 

As he gathers his things to leave the quiet apartment, Kei wonders where his cynicism comes from. He’s sure he could pinpoint it if he tried. His parents divorce, his previous experiences with dating that have left him jaded, the holes that wore even in his most sturdy of sweaters. Inconsequential nothings that piled up until Kei had developed an undeniably cautious outlook on the world. To him, all of these things are the same. Like the morning, they’re intrusive and unsightly, but none is less important than the other. 

Kei does have things he likes. Art, for one. He likes paintings, sculptures, little pieces of history, and all of the things people make with their hands that he could never do. Kei is hopeless at crafts. His fingers are lithe and long, but they’re clumsy and hard to control. Despite his need for order, Kei has trouble controlling his urges. The subtle twitches of his fingers always mess up whatever it is he’s trying to craft. 

He likes writing best of all, specifically curatorial writing. It’s easy for him to pick which pieces belong together and how to organize them in a space, it suits his talent for compartmentalizing. Kei gets to tell a story that way, be it historical or artistic, sometimes both. The essays that his classmates find tedious, he finds relaxing despite the stress. For him, writing about art and history is a pleasure much like sipping tea that is the perfect temperature, unintrusive and natural. 

By the time he arrives at the library, it’s nearly 9 am. He works better here, in the quiet section at a table hidden by three tall shelves of books. It’s almost never occupied and there are hardly ever people seated in the immediate area. Kei doesn’t go out of his way to avoid others, but he finds that if he doesn’t approach people, they often won’t approach him. He prefers things this way, it makes the good and bad people easier to weed out. 

From this spot in the library, Kei can see where you usually set up shop for the day. You arrive after him by about 45 minutes and he convinces himself that it is always coincidental. 

Strictly speaking, you’re Tadashi’s friend, not his. You’ve known each other for a little under a year and have been by the apartment a few times, but yours and his conversations are limited entirely to pleasantries. How are you? What are you working on? We’re graduating soon, huh? Casual conversation that Kei can weasel his way out of at any time. Like his room, it’s impermanent. 

Kei has had the idea that nothing stays stuck in his head since middle school. The house he lived in when his parents were together, weekdays with his mother and weekends with his father, graduating seniors, the apartment he lives in now. To Kei, all of it is so temporary that he finds it difficult to get attached to it, not that he’s devoid of emotion. He quite loves the little things he has, but his grip on them is loose and half-hearted. Whatever leaves, Kei thinks is meant to leave, so he makes no effort to hold on. 

It’s probably unfair to think of you that way, but Kei can’t really help it. He can’t change what he is. Besides, it’s not as if he doesn’t have a reason to think so. He’s often approached by people for his looks, people who want to get close because they think he’s tall and handsome, people who collect others like trophies. He’s not heartless, so he’s been hurt more than a few times. Kei thinks he owes it to himself to be cautious, not that you’ve done anything to earn that type of subtle hostility. 

“Thought you might be here,” someone’s hand lands on his shoulder. 

“Shit,” he groans, “is it that late already?” 

Kei glances down at the watch on his wrist, reading the time as just past 10:45 am. He’s been here for an hour and 45 minutes and hasn’t gotten anything done. Tadashi pulls the chair next to him out and sits down, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Spacing out?” 

“A little,” Kei responds, tapping his pen against the table and turning back toward his book. 

“Got something due?” 

“Yeah, on Friday,” he exhales. “Haven’t started it yet though. You?” 

“Nah,” Tadashi smiles. “I’m just chasing you around.” 

“You’re like a girl with a crush.” 

Tadashi shrugs and lets out a good natured laugh. It’s a little too loud for this part of the library, but Kei lets it slide, smiling with his friend. 

Tadashi is the opposite of him, he thinks. He smiles often and says exactly what’s on his mind when it crosses it, even if it's a little mean. Tadashi used to be a follower, but in his final year of high school and university years, grew into someone befitting of his somewhat sunny and sarcastic personality. Thoughts and words come easily to him and he has no trouble vocalizing his joy or his disappointment. 

Yamaguchi has freckles covering the entirety of his body. Kei knows this because he’s seen far more of Tadashi than he thinks he should have. His skin is tawny and warm like him. Kei finds himself looking at the ones on his hands as Yamaguchi begins to write in his notebook. Kei can’t read his handwriting because it’s terrible and he doesn’t much feel like working on his own project, so he watches his friend’s hand mark the page. Then, his gaze slinks across the library to you. 

You’ve got your head down and look like you’re falling asleep despite it only being 11 in the morning. Your hand moves lazily across your computer keypad. By the time Kei realizes that you’ve spotted him staring, it’s too late to look away. His gaze was too intentional, so he smiles at you instead, nodding his head a little. 

You smile and wave, standing from where you sit and collecting your things. They fill up your arms because you don’t bother to put them in your bag, making your way clumsily across the room and setting your stuff down across from him. 

“Hi, Tsukishima,” you smile. “Hi, Tadashi.” 

You use his friend’s given name and Kei feels a pang of jealousy hit his chest. 

“How long have you been here? I didn’t see you,” you ask, settling into the seat across from Kei. 

“I just got here,” Tadashi smiles, looking up from his notes. “He’s been here for a while though.” 

Tadashi motions towards him. 

“Aw, why didn’t you say hi?” 

“You seemed busy,” Kei lies. 

You pout, filling your mouth with air. “Next time just come say hi, ‘kay?” 

“Sure,” Kei nods. 

Tadashi tosses him a sideways glance and Kei shrugs it off. He’s not interested in being teased this morning, though when is he ever. 

Kei doesn’t like the way you make him feel. When you’re around, he becomes prickly. It sets Kei on edge in a way that he hates. His world, previously so rigid and organized, quickly begins to feel cluttered and structureless. 

You make his heart pound. You make it hammer against his chest so hard that he can feel it in his ears and behind his eyes. It goes all the way down to his already-hard-to-control fingertips and the tops of his thighs. A previously pastel colored world goes vibrantly candy-colored like it’s been plunged in saturating liquid. He nevers knows how to hold himself, never knows how to act natural. What does it mean to act natural, anyway? How should he rest his hands on the desk? Would it be weird to lace them together? Does he look as stiff as he feels? It’s entirely possible that he is suffering a massive heart attack. 

You whisper across the table to Tadashi, leaning forward and laughing at something he’s written in his notebook. You can read his handwriting, something Kei is equally jealous about as he is angry. Kei just watches your conversation, unable to really listen into it on account of the stroke that he thinks he’s having. 

The three of you stay like this for a while, earning the occasional irritated whisper or dirty look from some of the more studious people in the library. Kei pretends to ignore them, remaining quiet throughout the duration of your study session with Tadashi. His quiet corner is invaded and painted bright pink with your presence and he doesn’t know whether to feel giddy or irrationally angry. Maybe it’s both. 

“Crap, is that the time?” Tadashi exclaims, hunching over himself when someone nearby shushes him. “I’ve got class across campus in 10 minutes.” 

He hurriedly collects his things. Tadashi does it so fast, in fact, that Kei hardly has time to beg him not to leave him alone with you. So he just watches as Tadashi throws his things clumsily into his bag and tosses it over his shoulder. 

“Bye, ___,” he says in a rushed whisper. “I’ll see you at home, Kei!” 

“Sure,” is all that Kei can muster. His voice cracks when he says it and he immediately avoids looking at you and stares at nothing in particular in his textbook. 

It’s quiet for a while. Kei pretends to busy himself by glancing between his textbook and his computer and you sit with your head bowed as you take notes on a lecture you’re listening to through the single earbud in your right ear. Then, you tap the end of your pen lightly on Kei’s notebook to get his attention. 

It’s only been about 10 minutes since Tadashi left, but the library now feels like an entirely different place. His heart pounds as he struggles to keep a straight face. 

When he looks up, you’re looking at him with a tilted head. Your expression is soft and unintrusive, friendly but a bit guarded. You smile softly at him. 

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” You ask gently. It doesn’t sound accusatory, but rather a casual statement tinged with friendliness. 

“Huh?” Blood rushes into his ears. 

“I just kinda get the impression that you’re uncomfortable around me,” you say. “Am I wrong?” 

“Uh, no- it’s not that I don’t like you.” 

He’s quick to correct you and he feels heat rush to his cheeks. 

“Then what?” you question lightly. There’s no ulterior motive behind your smile, Kei can tell, but your openness makes him uneasy. 

“I dunno,” he calms himself a little. “I don’t really know how to act around you, I guess.” 

You laugh, leaning back into your chair. “Is that all?” 

“Well, yeah…” he feels awkward and his palms are sweaty. He drops them below the table to wipe them. “You’re Tadashi’s friend and I’m pretty different from him so I just…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders.

“I was worried you hated me,” you smile, chuckling to yourself. 

“That’s definitely not it,” he loosens a little, smiling lightly despite the thudding of his heart. It slows down steadily. 

“I’m your friend too, ya know?” 

“That so?” 

“Well, yeah,” you shrug and lean all the way back, crossing your arms. “I just kinda figured that we would be.” 

“Friends?” His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. His word placement is awkward. 

“Duh,” you laugh a little. “You know, you don’t have to speak formally with me.” 

“That’s just the way I am,” he huffs at being read. 

“Well, you can drop them with me. I don’t mind.” 

“Tall order,” he snorts. 

You tilt your head to the side. “Did you just make a joke?” 

“Uh, yeah…” 

“Funny,” you smile. “What are you studying?” 

“It’s not really studying…” he says, glancing down at the near empty document. “I’m supposed to be writing an essay I have due on Friday. Not going well.” 

He looks up at you through his lashes. You’re leaning forward across the table now, your chin angled upward as you try and peek at what’s on his screen. He turns it so that you can see better. 

“Baroque art?” You read aloud. “Oh yeah, Tadashi mentioned that you’re an art history major. Do you draw too?” 

“No,” he scoffs. “I’m hopeless at it, but I like art. It’s nice to look at.” 

“Huh, you look like you’d be good at drawing,” you say. 

“What’s that mean?” 

“I dunno, like a manga author or something,” you shrug. “You’ve got nice hands too. Like an artist.” 

“Manga?” He laughs a little, trying to play off the color he feels rushing to his face from the compliment. 

“Yeah, you look like the manga type.” 

“Is it the glasses?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Maybe,” you laugh. 

Kei looks down at his hands. They’re big, like the rest of him, and his knuckles are thin. He’s hyper-aware of them now that you’ve complimented them. He studies them briefly, following the barely visible veins up the back of them, following the line of his fingers to his nails. They’re trimmed and somewhat well kept, save for the spots that he tends to bite at when he lays in bed at night. His hands look nothing like Tadashi’s. Tadashi’s fingers are thick and his nails are short on account of him biting them. Kei wonders if you prefer them to his. 

—

There’s a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. It’s only a bit bigger than his fist—a little thing, really—and it’s completely blank. Kei’s never written anything down in it, nothing has ever really been worth sullying the thing. It’s got brown fabric binding and a semi-thick cover. It’s malleable, but not so flimsy that he’d need a desk to write in it. 

Kei’s not too sure why he bought it in the first place. Maybe he liked the size of it, small enough to fit in his pocket, but not so small as to be ridiculous. It’s practical, much like he is. He’s considered turning it into a daily planner and putting to-do lists in it, but Kei isn’t much of a list guy, it’s Tadashi that likes making lists. Nothing has ever really felt like it suits the book. He’s considered journaling in it, but his life is one big routine and he doesn’t think there’s anything worth writing about. 

No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that can’t be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory. 

He thinks that might be what’s happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. It’s like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. It’s uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. 

Kei is nearly certain that you’re the reason, not that he’s about to admit to anyone else that he likes you. Tadashi managed to weasel it out of him, though he didn’t really have to ask. In fact, it was less of an admittance to Kei than it was confirmation of his own feelings. If Tadashi can tell that he likes you, then he must. 

People seem to know things about Kei before he even knows them himself. At least, that’s how it seems. He’s always confronted with his own feelings by other people, not that they’re really ever wrong, but it seems everyone catches onto what he’s feeling rather quickly. He’s not too sure why that is, maybe he’s just obvious and hasn’t realized it. 

Come to think of it, when Tadashi had confronted Kei about his feelings for you, he’d been deeply annoying about it. Kei couldn’t even try to deny it because Tadashi had come out with his guns blazing, cornering him in the living room and throwing facts about you at him until his face was beet red with embarrassment. Then, with a serious frown on his face, he’d simply stated you like them and that was the end of it. Kei couldn’t even deny it. Even he knew that it read plainly in his expression. 

To be frank, it sucks being told in plain speech how he feels about someone. Whenever that happens, it makes Kei feel like he’ll never be able to keep another secret in his life. Sometimes, he wishes that he was able to make the decision to tell someone else on his own, but even Kei knows that that is a little beyond him. Kei can think the feelings just fine, but when it comes to speaking them aloud, he seems to have a padlock around his throat. 

Tadashi knows this about him and if it weren’t for him, Kei would have agonized far longer and far worse over certain situations of emotional turmoil. Most of the time, Tadashi gets it without needing to ask or say anything. It’s nice to have someone understand him in that way, even if it does mean he can’t keep a secret to save his life. 

Feelings lately make Kei a little angry. He’s always known that he’s had somewhat of a sour personality. Kei doesn’t need to be told that he’s smug to know that he is. He’s snarky and usually touchy, picky about the people that he hangs out with. It’s not really a secret that Kei is a hard person to get along with, but lately, he feels like it’s been worse. 

Maybe it’s because this is new territory to him. As conceited as it sounds, Kei has never liked someone first. It’s not because he doesn’t think anyone is worthy, but rather, because there are very few people he doesn’t find grating. Despite how he seems, Kei is incredibly sensitive about things, so naturally, it’s easier to get on his nerves. 

He’s dated before, though not for long, and all of his relationships have started the same way. Kei is approached by them, usually on the premise of looks, and he accepts. He’s not sure why he does. Sometimes it’s because he thinks they’re pretty, other times it’s because the romantic in him hopes that it will actually work out. It never has. 

Most of the time, Kei turns out to be different than they expected. He’s too touchy, too sarcastic, too awkward in his way of trying to love. To Kei, it has always felt like it’s ended just as he was beginning to develop real feelings. 

If he’s being honest, it’s given him a twisted inferiority complex. He’s worried that somehow, on a fundamental level, he’s not enough. Sometimes, it even goes so far as for Kei to think that he’s just generally disappointing. He tries not to be. Kei wants to be relied on. He wants to be someone his friends can go to when they need something sturdy. 

Despite his personality, Kei considers himself sturdy. Well, maybe stubborn is a better word. Kei considers himself stubborn enough to be made sturdy. He’s just a little awkward. That’s all. People seem to mistake that for being unreliable. It’s a peeve of Kei’s. 

Tadashi isn’t like that. Tadashi is bright and warm, reliable in every sense of the word. Kei actually looks up to him a lot, not that he’d ever say anything like that to his face. Sure, Tadashi’s not perfect, but at least people rely on him. At least Kei relies on him. 

Tadashi is more easy going than Kei is. He has an easier time going with the flow, which makes him more personable. Kei thinks that Tadashi is the closest thing that he’s had to a better half. In truth, without Tadashi around, Kei isn’t exactly sure what would have become of him. 

It’s pointless thinking about these sorts of things though. Kei realized a long time ago that thinking about being better won’t automatically make him better. This is just the way he is and Kei’s learned to accept that, whatever it means. Still, none of this changes the fact that he likes you. 

Kei could mull over thought after thought and he doesn’t think it would have any effect on the fact that he’s definitely developed a crush. He’s positive it will go away. In fact, he’s not even sure if it’s real. Maybe Kei is just jealous of you the same way he’s jealous of Tadashi. You’re bright and warm like he is. You and Tadashi are cut from the same cloth, so maybe that’s why the two of you get along so well. 

In all honesty, Kei wishes he could be a little more like Tadashi for that reason. Maybe if he were more like Tadashi, he’d have the courage to fully accept these new and uncertain feelings for what they are. But he doesn’t have that kind of courage, not right now at least. He doesn’t have the courage to solidify and lean into his feelings. Kei doesn’t want to risk what little comfort and security he has. If the relationship between you both is a blank page, Kei doesn’t have anything important to write. What if it ruins the paper? What if when he erases it, it changes the thing on a molecular level for the worse? The notebook theory. 

— 

Despite everything, Kei is rather self-aware. At least in his own head he is. Kei knows that when he pretends he doesn’t like you, he really ends up liking you more. He knows that he’s touchy, that he’s awkward, that he comes across more crass than he intends to. Kei is clumsy, not stupid. That doesn’t mean that he has to acknowledge it. 

You’ve been coming around more often since the conversation Kei had with you in the library. Maybe you’re more comfortable now knowing that he doesn’t hate you, so you’re happier to join Tadashi in their shared apartment. 

Kei feels bad about making you think that he hates you. Actually, he feels really bad about it. Like, astronomically bad about it. Embarrassingly enough, it actually keeps him up at night. So he goes out of his way to be a little nicer to you. The only other person he’s ever done that for is Tadashi. 

He greets you properly when you pass, despite the flare up of a medical condition he’s yet to fully diagnose brought on by your presence. He asks you questions about your studies, partially because he is genuinely curious and partially because he doesn’t want you to hate him. He thinks he’d die if you hated him. Kei’s being brave in his own way. It’s little, but he’s doing it. 

As a result, the two of you have grown a little closer. Kei has your phone number now, though he rarely has any reason to text you. Typing out a message to you makes him nervous. It makes him red in the face when you’re not even there. Somehow, having your phone number feels vulnerable to him, like he has access to you whenever he wants and you him. It means that if you wanted, you could make him nervous without even being nearby. That’s a lot for Kei to think about. 

Kei sees you in the library sometimes too, but he never takes the initiative to speak to you. You always come up to him first, clumsily gathering your things the way you did the day you and him sorted out your friendship and plopping them down in front of him. 

Sometimes, you both go several hours without saying anything to each other. Other times, you’ll chat away about something while leaning forward on the desk and Kei has to pretend that he’s not wildly nervous at your proximity. You’re so friendly. So genuinely warm that Kei can physically feel it when you talk. Despite his nerves, Kei would describe you as comfortable. You’re a comfortable person to him, as alarming as that is. 

His crush is out of hand. It scares him, not that he’s actively thought about that. What started as him noticing you has quickly ballooned into him being painfully aware of you at all times. He kind of feels bad about it. You don’t seem to think that he’s anything more than a friend and it makes Kei feel bad that he thinks of you as anything but that. He doesn’t want you to be just a crush to him. Kei wants you to be like Tadashi, someone he can rely on and be comfortable with. He almost feels like he’s reversed what’s been done to him his whole life, like somehow he’s only become your friend because he wants something more. 

Truth is though, he doesn’t want anything more. Kei wants to stay exactly where he is. He doesn’t want his crush to develop any further. He doesn’t want to confess, he wants to forget. Even now, sitting on a couch in the library, he wants to imagine he doesn’t feel anything at all for you.  

“Hey, are you okay?” You tilt your head at him. 

“Huh? Me?” He questions. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You seem a little distracted,” you smile. “You’ve been staring at your computer for like… 10 minutes with this blank look on your face.” 

“You’ve been staring at me for 10 minutes?” He raises an eyebrow, trying to play off the embarrassment of being caught like that. 

“Not staring at you,” you huff, “but I definitely noticed.” 

“Ha, creep,” he tilts his head up a little, blowing air out of his nose. 

“You’re twisted, you know?” 

“Whatever,” he shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his computer screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you shake your head and smile before looking down at your work. 

Tadashi has said the same exact thing to him before. In highschool, after Kei had made a joke about his teammate Hinata’s height, Tadashi had given him a look and snorted that he’s so twisted. He’s been hearing that sort of thing his entire life. 

“Hey, are you cool if I skip out of here early?” You ask a few moments later. 

“Oh, yeah sure. I don’t mind,” he nods, hiding his disappointment. “I didn’t realize that we had like… set times to be here.” 

You laugh lightly. “Well, we don’t, but we tend to come and go at the same time, no? I kinda look forward to it.” 

Kei envies your honesty. You’re so honest all of the time. You say what you feel when it pops into your head. He wishes he could be like that, maybe then he would be able to say that he does too. Instead, he just nods and swallows his heart back down. You smile at him again and then gather your things. 

“You’ll be home on Friday night, right?” 

“Uhm, yeah? Why?” 

“Tadashi invited me and a few friends over, did he tell you?” 

“I think he mentioned it.” Kei has actually been thinking about it for the last couple days. 

“Good, I’ll see you, right?” 

“Yeah, you will.” 

“Great, talk to you later then!” You smile and with that, you walk away. 

You sounded so certain in that statement. Talk to you later. You said it like it was inevitable. Thinking about that, Kei can’t help but watch you go. He even likes looking at the back of you, though he wishes he could see your face too. It feels worse to be walked away from than walked towards. 

Kei can’t tell anymore if what he feels is romance or jealousy. It’s probably both. It’s probably some mix of the two that he can’t quite sort out. He wishes it weren’t that way. Kei gets the feeling that he might be ruined. 

So he just watched you leave the library. Someone is waiting for you at the top of the stairwell. Kei can tell they’re a guy and despite the reluctance of his feelings, his stomach drops anyway when you nudge his shoulder with yours and loop your arm around his. That’s something you haven’t done to Kei before. Touch him. You touch this other person so easily. It makes Kei jealous. 

It makes sense that you might be seeing someone, that there might be someone else. After all, you’re you. Desirable. You look up at the stranger, leaning on him, smiling and flashing your teeth. Yeah, it makes sense. 

Turns out, it’s easier to pretend that he doesn’t feel anything when he thinks you’re interested in someone else. He likes to think it will save him the time of wondering. 

—

Kei has cleaned his room approximately four times today. Sure, it’s overboard, but every time he goes into it, he notices something else that needs to be spruced up. Like a pot with a leak, there is always something that he seemed to miss the last time he went through and cleaned up. 

It’s not like you’ll be in his room tonight anyway, but you will be in his apartment and that’s close enough to his room that he, for whatever reason, needs to make it so spotless that it looks like a set. Kei knows though, that even when you’re here, he’ll be wondering if there’s something else that he missed beyond the closed door and he’ll think about it incessantly. 

He’s been avoiding the thought of him liking you. Instead, Kei cleans and cleans and then cleans some more for good measure. It’s not like he has any sort of claim on you and he knows that it’s stupid to feel jealous over one interaction he witnessed by chance, but his mind is running away with him. Was that person your boyfriend? Has he been begrudgingly pining over a taken person all these months? Do you think that he’s creepy because of it? 

He doesn’t get to be upset over the idea that you’re seeing someone else. Why wouldn’t you be? Kei’s done absolutely nothing to indicate his interest in you (or lack thereof), besides maybe telling you that he doesn’t hate you. He has no right to feel the way he does, but he spirals anyway. His insecurities, the ones that gnaw at him in the hours before he falls asleep, play in a constant loop in his head. His unreliability, his unpleasant personality, his cynicism, the baggage he carries with him like a badge. All of it piles up one by one. 

Kei feels like a kid again, losing himself over such a simple interaction, over something so miniscule that it might not even be considered anything at all. There are a plethora of reasons for his feeling like this and Kei thinks he could draw one of his issues out of a hat and it would still somehow address the situation at hand, but all he really feels is hurt and he doesn’t want to explain it away. Kei finds that liking someone hurts. It hurts more than it feels good and the uncertainty chews at his patience and leaves it razor thin. It’s not your fault, nor is it the person Kei’s convinced himself you’re seeing, but he needs someone to blame and it can’t be himself. 

The idea of you relying on someone else makes him nauseous. He’d never considered the thought before, that you find him as unreliable as others do. Kei wants to be relied on, most of all by you, and that fact makes him upset. He’s afraid of what you think of him and without the confidence to accept his feelings, it threatens to crush him. 

Kei’s got this itch over it, so he tries to distract himself. Cleaning his space to prepare for you helps him delude himself that he doesn’t quite like you at all. It’s not your fault. He’s just confused, like his parents were when they married each other. It hurts. Like they were when they had him to try and fix their marriage, which had started to fall apart even when Akiteru was an only child. He’s confused. He’s jealous over your ability to live the way Kei has always wanted to. That’s all this is. Nothing more and nothing less. He feels like he’s being split in two, stretched thin between two modes of thinking. 

Kei glances over his shoulder and into his room one last time. He’s forgotten to wipe the mirror. He goes back in and the cycle starts itself over. 

—

He’s not proud of his behavior. Kei thinks only a seriously huge asshole would be proud of the kind of behavior he displayed tonight. He regrets it immensely, though some part of him is begrudgingly holding onto the idea that maybe he was right to be so short tempered. Of course, that’s a lunatic’s idea. 

Tadashi is standing by the apartment door, mumbling something to you behind it. Over Tadashi’s shoulder, he sees you shake your head and in response, Tadashi gives a small bow before shutting the door to the shared apartment. Then, Tadashi turns and walks towards him. 

Kei doesn’t want to look at him, but Tadashi, for some reason, commands his gaze. 

“Is there a reason you were such a huge cunt tonight?” Tadashi sort of spits the words. They land at Kei’s feet and roll around before settling. 

“What are you talking about? I was normal,” he answers, though the statement sounds like a lie the moment it leaves his lips. 

“Bullshit,” Tadashi says. “You were being an asshole the second they walked through the door and you’ve been one to me all day.” 

Kei scoffs, his cheeks burning, “I’ve just been tired, dude. Besides, what does it matter? You’re closer to all of them than I am.”

“What? You’re tired so you just get to be a huge asshole?” 

“No,” Kei responds. 

“So then what was that?” 

Kei doesn’t really know. He doesn’t know what prompted him to act so cold or make such snide comments. It’s true, he’d been in a bad mood all day and he knows that Tadashi has borne the brunt of his misplaced emotions, but even Kei is confused as to why he’d acted the way he did. Still though, there is a part of him that knows that it was connected to his spiraling and what he saw in the library. He’d sound insane if he said it out loud, like somehow his growth was stunted in the third grade, but Kei is sure it had something to do with liking you and the hurt that comes with it. 

It’s not as if he’d been outwardly mean, but he had been cold. There are parts of himself that Kei doesn’t want you to see, sections of his personality that he ropes off from you because despite not liking you, he wants you to see the best in him. Tonight, he managed to somehow show off the worst. 

It started with the noise when everyone had arrived. You, Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Kiyoko, and Yachi had all piled into the apartment in one large group. Kei’d been sitting on the couch and the sound of the door startled him right off the bat. He assumed that by the time they all had rounded the corner into the living room, his face was already sour, because everyone had greeted him cautiously. 

It’s no surprise that everyone was so loud. Kei has known this particular group for many years and they, having all gone to school or work nearby, pile into his apartment often for events like these. You were really the only new factor in all of it and while Kei is known as a touchy person, he certainly was more touchy than usual tonight. 

You’d been trying to talk to him all evening and Kei, in a desperate attempt to avoid whatever lingering feelings he had for you, had been shutting you down at every turn. Thinking back on it, he’s endlessly embarrassed. You didn’t deserve that. You’d been nothing but kind to him and there Kei was holding a grudge over you for something he had no right to be angry about whatsoever. He had been holding a grudge over something that he’d learned later that evening that wasn’t even true. 

Kei thinks that what Tadashi is referring to, was deliberately picking a fight with Tanaka. Kei and Tanaka have never been particularly close. Even in high school, his boisterous and somewhat obnoxious personality has always rubbed Kei the wrong way. Despite that, Tanaka has somehow managed to maintain a connection to him through university and the two of them have established a tentative but honest friendship. 

You had been sitting on the arm of the couch beside Tanaka, leaning over him to look at something he was showing you on his phone. Then, you laughed a little too hard and Kei felt that familiar sense of injustice rise to his throat, thick and heavy. It’s an ugly feeling, the kind that makes Kei feel sick when he’s in bed late at night. Bile rose in his throat in the form of harsh words. Jealousy in the form of the verbal venom Kei excels at. 

For Kei, Tanaka was an easy target, someone he could poke at and get a satisfying rise out of. In the moment, the rise he’d gotten from Tanaka by making snide comments about the volume of his voice and his particular obsession with pretty girls had been exactly that, satisfying. 

He’d picked a small fight. Nothing physical, but just enough to get him irritated. Kei’s not proud of it, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t done it deliberately. After all, Tanaka has never been the type to be the bigger person and turn his nose up. 

Sometimes, when Kei is experiencing emotions he’d rather not deal with, he decides to obsess over one single thing. Usually, it’s cleaning or schoolwork. Tonight, it happened to be the volume of Tanaka’s voice, which he knows was a shitty thing to do. Despite wanting to be reliable, Kei can’t help but feel that he was endlessly immature, lashing out at someone completely unrelated to the situation just because he could. 

Tadashi pulls him from his thoughts. 

“I thought you liked them, dude,” his voice is even, letting up on the anger. 

“Who?” Kei plays dumb. 

Tadashi responds with your name and Kei stiffens slightly. “I thought you guys had gotten closer. What happened?” 

“Nothing happened,” Kei says. It’s the truth. Absolutely nothing happened. Kei had spiraled all on his own. 

“Why did you ignore them then?” 

“I didn’t ignore them,” Kei says. Again, it’s not a lie. He may have shut conversations down and been a little cold, but Kei couldn’t ignore you if he tried, it’s sort of the whole problem he’s dealing with now. 

“Maybe, but you were cold. Like… needlessly.” 

“I was fucking normal, Tadashi. You should know me well enough by now to know that,” Kei spits. 

“That’s the problem though, isn’t it? I know you and I know that shit wasn’t normal. You’re twisted, but you’re not an outright asshole, Kei. What’s going on?” 

“I was normal, Tadashi. Just because I didn’t bounce around or get rowdy, doesn’t mean that something is wrong,” Kei answers. 

“Yeah, but you were like… majorly fucking weird, Kei. You were being an asshole. Don’t you like them? Don’t you want to be nice to them?” 

“I don’t.” 

“You don’t want to be nice to them?” Tadashi scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“No, not that. I don’t like them like that anymore,” Kei lies. 

“Oh please, that’s such horseshit,” Tadashi laughs bitterly. 

“Get off my ass, Tadashi. I don’t fucking feel that way about them anymore,” Kei insists. 

“Did something happen?” 

“No, literally nothing happened! Why does something have to happen? I just don’t like them,” Kei feels himself getting indignant. Tadashi doesn’t deserve this either, but he seems to be indiscriminate with his poor behavior tonight. 

Tadashi looks at Kei for a moment, studying him and calculating all of the things only Tadashi could know about him. Kei tries to hide it. 

“Jesus, Kei, you’ve got to stop doing this shit,” Tadashi touches his hand to his forehead. 

“Doing what?” 

“Getting all in your head about every single connection you’ve ever had with a person,” Tadashi raises his voice. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means I’ve seen you do this a million times! You start to really feel something for a person and then you fucking back away like a dog with its tail between its legs!” 

“I don’t do that!” 

“Yes, you do! You sabotage yourself until the other person is forced to do something about it!” Tadashi exhales. 

“I’ve never done that deliberately! What does someone else’s actions have to do with me?” 

“It doesn’t have to do with you,” Tadashi says, “It has to do with your parents.” 

The wind is knocked out of Kei, air sucked from his lungs. He furrows his eyebrows at Tadashi, his mouth slightly open. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Tadashi pushes, angry and trying to make him listen. “Not every relationship is like your parents’, Kei.” 

Tadashi knows he’s stepped over the line the moment he says it. If it hadn’t registered before, it registers clearly on his face now, regret settling over Tadashi’s usually bright features. Kei gapes at him for a moment, running through his thoughts and trying to pick out one that best verbalizes what it is he feels. Kei comes up empty. 

“Shit-” Tadashi starts towards him. “Kei, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I’m just pissed off I didn’t mean to-” 

Kei pushes past him. “Tadashi, I know you mean well, but don’t try to tell me about my fucking parents.” 

Tadashi doesn’t try to stop him when Kei flings the front door open and walks outside.

—

Kei remembers it like it was yesterday. He remembers all of it. 

He can clearly recall the way shattered glass looked on the marble tiles of his childhood home. White porcelain, broken up into multitudes by his mother and father. They never laid hands on each other, but everything else in the house was fair game. Kei’s lost count of the amount of broken glass dishes and picture frames he’d swept from the floor. 

Kei’s parents had always been on and off in their affection for each other. One minute, they were deeply in love and the next, they were at each other’s throats. Neither of them were bad people, but they made each other bad people. The two of them brought out the worst in each other, maybe on account of knowing the other so well. 

Akiteru was an accident. His brother knows this because when his parents argued, they never let him forget it. In their spats, leverage was whatever they could get their hands on, and that just happened to be Akiteru and the unfortunate circumstances of an accidental pregnancy. 

His parents got married at 19, thinking that they’d be able to handle a child, that their marriage was anything but rushed. They convinced themselves that it was love, when the reality was that Akiteru came because they were too young and stupid to prevent it. At least, that’s what Kei and Akiteru had settled on in the evenings after the yelling had died down and they were left to make sense of it in their shared bedroom. 

They had Kei to fix the marriage. Kei knows this because, like Akiteru, his father’s marital “solution” in the form of a second child was constant leverage to his mother. Kei grew up asking Akiteru why his mother and father even had children in the first place. 

Their relationship was rocky and unstable, predictable and toxic. They, like Kei, would do things to get rises out of each other. They’d make digs, do things to get under the other’s skin. They did it for attention, for affection, or out of loathing for the person they’d decided to make their life partner. When things settled, they got bored. His parents often mistakened calmness for complacency in their relationship. His parents loved each other, but they hated each other just as much, and it was he and Akiteru who paid the price. 

They got divorced when he was fourteen and any chance of Kei having a normal family went to the courthouse with the divorce papers. Akiteru was 20 at the time and managed to avoid the brunt of the custody battle. Kei still gets unexplainably angry with Akiteru for leaving him alone, though he knows that it’s not his fault. The only way Kei could make sense of it was through blame and it was easier to blame Akiteru for lying about volleyball or leaving him alone than it was to blame himself. Both Kei’s father and mother tried for full custody, not because they loved him that much, but because they knew that it would destroy the other. In the end, Kei spent his weekdays with his mother because she lived closer to his school, and weekends with his father just because. 

It happens all the time. People grow together, then grow apart, and grow to loathe each other. Kei watched it happen to his parents, he watched it happen to his friends, he watched it happen to himself with his own reflection. That’s just the way it goes. 

The air outside of his apartment is cool and breezy. He can feel the wind through his sweater, cutting through the gaps in the stitching and into his skin. Kei feels like he can think a little better out here, sitting on the short concrete wall with his back to the apartment building. He stares at his feet, outstretched in front of him. He's still wearing his house slippers. 

Kei did this once when he was younger. The fight that night had been particularly bad and his parents had resulted to throwing things across their bedroom. Kei could hear picture frames shatter through two walls and he wondered which memories they’d decided to trash. A particularly loud shout had sent Kei out of the front door and onto the curb in front of the house. 

He remembers crying, staring at his house slippers on the pavement, afraid because he could hear the shouting even from the lawn. Akiteru had come out to get him, sitting down beside him on the curb and putting his arm around him. 

“Are mom and dad gonna get divorced?” Kei had asked through sniffles. 

“Divorced? No, no,” Akiteru answered. “It’s just a rough patch. It happens to all couples. Mommy and Daddy will be fine.” 

“It’s normal?” Kei sniffled. 

Akiteru paused for a moment. Looking back, Kei realizes that Akiteru was debating on whether or not to lie to protect him. Kei wishes he hadn’t. 

“Yeah, it’s normal.” 

Normal. Kei realizes that he doesn’t exactly know what a normal relationship looks like. He is his parents' son. What they had in them, he has in him. Kei knows that those habits, the digs, the sour statements, the passive aggressiveness, are all things he’s picked up from watching them. Some role models they were. 

He needs to apologize to Tadashi. He may have overstepped, but Kei knows that he’d been an asshole tonight. He’ll need to apologize to Tanaka as well. And to you, which is perhaps the scariest part of this. He wants to apologize for his behavior, but apologizing means that he has to admit that he’d acted the way his parents did, out of jealousy and a pull for attention. Yup, he’s his parents’ son alright. 

Kei tilts his head up toward the sky. Only half of it is visible, the other half blocked by the three story apartment complex directly behind him. It’s a clear night, but he can’t see any stars and the moon is nowhere to be found. Kei wonders when the morning will come. It’s a few hours off, but he thinks about how the sky will look when the sun begins to rise. 

“Kei,” a familiar voice calls from in front of him. 

You’re a few feet away, your hands clasped in front of you. 

“Thought you went home,” he says. 

“Yeah well, I had intended to,” you start, “but you seemed off and I felt weird going back without checking on you. Can I sit?” 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, mortified and angry at being caught like this. He appreciates the thought, but you’re the last person he wants to see right now. It just means he needs to face his shortcomings sooner. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Kei answers automatically. 

“Just decided on some fresh air?” You smile a little and Kei blows air out of his nose. 

“Yup, that’s exactly it.” 

You sit next to him with your legs outstretched the same way his are, your hands are laced together in front of you, hanging down between your thighs. Kei doesn’t make an effort to say anything and neither do you. Instead, he just trains his head back up towards the sky and attempts to collect his thoughts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

Strangely, tonight he doesn’t feel nervous. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have the energy to. Maybe he’s too preoccupied with being sorry to pay any mind to the heart palpitations he gets when you’re around. Maybe it’s because even though he showed you the worst of him tonight, you still came back. It’s a small hope, but it’s there. 

“Hey,” your voice comes quietly, “I don’t know what’s going on, but if you need- I mean- if you want to talk about it, I’m a pretty good ear.” 

Kei nods a little. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “about tonight.” 

“I didn’t come here for an apology, you know?” You exhale a little. 

“Yeah, but you deserve one,” he says. “I was pretty shitty to you.” 

“Yeah, you were,” you agree, catching Kei off guard, “but it happens to all of us. Sometimes we feel things and just can’t keep them inside, you know?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees, swallowing down his shame. 

There’s another long silence. You don’t move to touch him or talk to him, instead, you provide steady company. Kei, as strange as it is, is comforted by your presence. 

“I fought with Tadashi,” Kei says after a few minutes. 

“Today?” 

“Yeah, tonight. After everyone left,” he says. “I deserved it though. I’ve been pretty shitty to him all day.” 

You hum, leaning back on your hands. 

“I did the same shit in high school too, you know?” Kei starts. “We’ve uhm- we’ve known each other for a while, the group that was over tonight. Around the end of middle school some shit happened and I uh- I took out a lot of what I was feeling on Tadashi and the others, but mostly Tadashi because he was the only one who knew.” 

Kei isn’t sure why he’s telling you this. Maybe Tadashi was right. Maybe this is another attempt at self sabotage. 

“You bullied him?” You ask, a little surprised. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, but I wasn’t very nice either. Anyone could tell you that. I thought I was past it, though,” he admits, a little defeated. 

“Did you ever apologize?” 

Kei looks up at you in surprise. Your eyes are full of something, curiosity, maybe pity. 

“For what you did in school?” 

He nods. “Countless times, and not just to Tadashi either, to everyone.” 

“You know, stuff like this happens,” you say. “When I was little, I used to hate sharing. Toys, food, friends. I’d hate it when my friends were friends with other people. It made me insecure and I’d get mad at them for it. I grew out of it, but sometimes I still get that way and I have to apologize later.” 

Kei laughs. It’s strikingly similar to what’s happening now, not that you’d have any way of knowing. 

“I can’t imagine you doing that,” he says. 

“I’m serious,” you say. “I still get weird over it sometimes.” 

Kei shakes his head a little, smiling. 

“All that I’m saying is that sometimes we slip up, that’s all. It’s normal,” you continue. “Not that I’m condoning it. Just saying that it doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human.” 

“Thanks,” he says softly. 

“No problem,” you respond. 

“So why’d you fight with him tonight?” 

“He was angry with me because I was an asshole,” Kei shrugs.

“And you’re mad that he called you out?” You give a quiet and somewhat incredulous laugh. 

Kei shakes his head. “No, I’m angry about what he said after.” 

“What’d he say?” 

Kei debates on telling you. He doesn’t want to make himself out to be a victim. After all, Tadashi meant no harm, even if his comment did exactly that. 

“The argument kind of switched subjects,” Kei tiptoes around the fact that the subject was you. “He brought up a bad habit of mine and I got defensive.” 

“Okay,” you say, waiting for him to say more. 

“Remember when I said that something happened at the end of middle school and only Tadashi knew about it?” When you nod, Kei continues. “My parents got divorced. They were a bad match and it was messy. He brought it up.” 

You nod again, your eyes wide. 

“He didn’t mean any harm, I know that,” Kei inhales. “But uh- that stuff kind of sticks with you. Well, it’s stuck with me and I didn’t like having it used to explain my behaviors, even if he was right. I’m not deflecting or anything though. I know I was the problem tonight.” 

“Sure,” you say. “I’m sorry about your parents.” 

Kei shrugs. “It’s in the past. They’re both remarried now with new kids.” 

The last sentence leaves Kei with a sour taste in his mouth. His parents are good people, but after his childhood, he doesn’t think they have any business having more children. Maybe they’re capable of being good for them, but Kei doesn’t like to imagine that. It makes him feel like their marriage wasn’t the problem, but he and Akiteru were. 

“You say that like they got a new pet,” you smile a little. “Are you still in touch with them?” 

“Yeah,” he says. “I visit whenever I go back home, though they’re really not too far from here.” 

“That’s good of you.” 

“Well, they are my parents,” Kei says plainly. 

You’re the only other person he’s divulged this to by choice and your reactions, understanding and level-headed, make him feel better. It’s like getting a weight off of his chest. This is the worst of him. This little bit of information, his history of being unable to fully confront his feelings, of taking anger out on others when he was young, is where his problems originate. 

“Yeah, but you’re allowed to feel what you feel about it,” you say. “My mom died when I was eleven. Texting and driving. I’m still angry at her for it.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says. 

You shrug and offer him a wry smile. “It’s in the past, but I’m still angry even though I shouldn’t be.” 

“At her?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “She made a stupid mistake that we’re constantly warned about and left my dad and me behind. I was so angry with her, still am. I love her though, perceived faults and all.” 

Kei thinks about whether or not he loves his parents. He thinks he does, even if he resents them. Kei can’t imagine what he’d do without them. Even though his childhood had few emotional comforts, he still can’t think about a world where he doesn’t visit home to have his mother’s cooking. That’s a world that you live in. 

“That’s hard.” It’s all Kei can think to offer. 

“It was,” you say. “Got easier though as soon as I started accepting things. Now I just miss her more than I hate her.”

Another bout of silence follows this. It must be close to two in the morning and he’s been outside so long that he can no longer feel the tip of his nose. 

“Anyway, about tonight,” you say, “it’s not a crime to feel what you feel, but if you need help, that’s what we’re here for. It’s easier to accept feelings and get hurt than to ignore them, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah,” Kei says, looking to face you. “Thank you.” 

You’re so pretty. It’s striking. The curvature and angles of your face, the gentle look in your eyes, softened by the conversation. Kei finds himself thinking that despite not wanting to face you a few hours earlier, he’s grateful that you showed up. You’re good in ways that Kei can hardly fathom. 

“You should go inside. Tadashi is probably wondering where you are,” you say, standing up. “Plus,” you pinch the tip of his nose between your middle and pointer knuckles, “your nose looks like a cherry tomato.”

“Rude,” he says, startled by the sudden touch. 

“Payback,” you shrug your shoulders and Kei rolls his eyes. 

“Do you need me to walk you home?” Kei offers, a bit nervous about you walking home on your own. 

“I’d love to take you up on that, but you seem tired and I don’t live very far,” you respond. “I’ll call you when I get home though, okay? Since you’re so worried.” 

Kei laughs a little and then nods, standing up. “Yeah, I am.” 

His honesty surprises even him, but you just tilt your head and give him a small smile. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” you say. “Thanks for the apology” 

“Anytime.”

“I hope not,” you laugh and Kei follows suit. 

You begin to turn on your heel, giving a small wave. 

Kei doesn’t know what overcomes him, but he calls out your name and reaches for your wrist. Before he has a moment to think about what he’s doing, he pulls you to his chest in a hug. You stiffen and then relax in his grip, wrapping your arms around him. Your body is warmer than his, sending heat through the gaps in his sweater. 

“You can call even if it’s not to tell me you got home safe,” he says. “If you want to.” 

You squeeze him around the middle. “Okay, I will.” 

When Kei lets go, he finds that his face is burning. The cold has been replaced by a flush of blood, making his vision a little syrupy.

“Thanks for coming back,” he says. “Get home safe.” 

“Of course,” you sound a little dazed, wearing an expression that Kei thinks might match his. “And I will.” 

Then, you smile at him, flashing your teeth and giving him a wave. You hold up your phone and point to it. 

“Expect a call!” 

Kei nods and raises his arm to wave goodbye.

He stands and watches your figure as you walk down the sidewalk and turn the corner. When you’re out of sight, he lingers by the door to his building, just in case you decide to come back. You don’t come back, but Kei lingers anyway, considering the conversation. 

He goes inside, intent on apologizing to Tadashi. When he opens the door to his apartment, the lights are still on in the living room and Tadashi gets up from the couch and walks quickly down the hall to him.

“Kei, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Don’t worry,” Kei says. “I know. I’m sorry about tonight too. And for treating you like that today. And for high school.” 

“High school?” Tadashi says, confused. “Why are you bringing up high school?” 

“Just wanted to apologize again.” 

Kei can feel his eyes drooping, exhaustion creeping into his body and replacing the elated feeling he had moments before. 

“I didn’t mean to bring your parents into it. How you like someone is none of my business,” Tadashi says. “I was out of line.” 

“So was I,” Kei admits through a tired sigh. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’ll apologize to the others in the morning.” 

Tadashi narrows his eyes a little and nods. Kei, besieged by that sleepy late night feeling, moves towards his bedroom. 

“Hey, Kei,” his voice comes out a little louder this time. “You’re being surprisingly easy-going. Are we good?” 

Kei scoffs a little, rubbing his eyes. “I just had some time to think, that’s all. And yeah, we’re good.” 

“Okay, are you good?” 

“Yeah, I am,” Kei says. 

Before he closes the door to his room, he furrows his eyebrows and makes a firm decision. 

“By the way,” Tadashi turns to him, cocking his head to the side in response. “I lied. I do like them.” 

“Could have guessed as much,” he responds, laughing a little. “See you in the morning.” 

“Yup, see you in the morning.” 

Kei shuts the door to his room. It clicks into place quietly. His room is spotless. It looks like a room that could be easily emptied at any time. He sighs, stepping into it and laying down on his bed. His phone is on the comforter next to him, lying face up. 

When it lights up, it illuminates the ceiling above him and he answers the phone without needing to check who's calling. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, I got home safe,” he hears your keys clink against something and then the sound of a door shutting. Then, he hears the sound of you laying down on your bed. He imagines you’re lying the same way he is. 

“Good, I’m glad,” he says. “No trouble?” 

“No trouble at all,” you say. He can hear your smile. 

“Thanks again for coming back tonight,” he says, turning over onto his side and letting the phone rest on the bed in front of his face. 

“Of course,” you say.

He doesn’t know what else to say. His nerves have caught up to him and your voice through the speaker sounds so close, like you’re whispering directly into his ear. 

“Okay, well I’m going to go to bed,” Kei starts. 

“Kei?” you say. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m gonna take you up on your offer. About calling you. Just wanted you to know.” 

“Okay,” he swallows. 

“I feel a lot closer to you.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Goodnight, Kei,” you practically whisper. 

“Goodnight,” he responds, lowering his voice the same way you did. You hang up the phone and the call ends. 

He blinks at his phone for a moment before standing up and getting ready for bed. Kei goes through the motions while thinking about how the evening got here. He’d been certain before it began that he no longer liked you, that he was confused. Now, he’s certain of the opposite. 

He decides that he’ll like you for real this time. Even if he’s afraid of hurting himself, of hurting you.

Kei lays down in his bed and faces the ceiling. He thinks about his parents, about your mother, about you. The cadence of your voice, the slight tremor in it. He thinks about your expressions, understanding and unintrusive. He thinks about your history, the anger you’d admitted to him and the grace you’d given him in his own circumstances. 

He dreams of braids, like DNA. Coils of pink yarn woven together in an intricate pattern. A molecular change not visible to the naked eye. Morning comes like liquid gold, spilling across his bedspread in slats through the window.

—

Kei’s apologies go smoothly. Tadashi’s friends—his friends—are good people. They know him better than most and field his awkward, stumbling apology with steady hands. 

He’d explained his sour mood in as little detail as possible, deliberately omitting his feelings for you while doing so, and he made a special effort to apologize to Tanaka. He’s easygoing and quick to forget, but Kei knows that even after accepting the apology, Tanaka will lord it over his head for a week or two. Tanaka thinks those kinds of things are funny and Kei won’t try to tell him otherwise. 

You do take Kei up on his offer. You call him twice a week now. Sometimes it’s to tell him something relevant to him, other times, you just whisper into the phone that you just felt like talking. Either way, it’s not good for his heart. Kei thinks that at this rate, it might just give out. 

There are a lot of things that Kei could say about liking you. It makes his days a little brighter. When he remembers that he has someone he cares about like that, he feels a surge of excitement for no particular reason. He finds that he looks forward to seeing you and goes out of his way to do so, more than he did before he was willing to admit it. 

He’s noticed the way you eat, like every bite of food is even better than the last. He’s noticed that you wipe the condensation off of your cups before each sip. He’s noticed that when you’re studying, you’ll pull at the collar of your shirt absentmindedly and then become frustrated when it is stretched out of place. Kei likes all of these things about you. 

Kei has also found that liking someone hurts. It hurts worse than he thought it would. Insecurity weaves its way into even the most minor of interactions. He’s self conscious almost all of the time, adjusting his hair, clothing, glasses right down to minor details. As of late, Kei appears more put together than he ever has, but the reality is that he’s probably the least put together he’s ever been. 

When you’re around, Kei is awkward and clumsy. He drops things, trips over nothing, loses control over his lanky limbs and overshoots things. He feels like a teenager again, not that he’s that far off from one. 

Still, one thing overshadows all of this. Kei is so comfortable around you, so peaceful despite the nerves and insecurity, that he’s able to forget about the worst of it. Forgetting about the worst of things is not something Kei is particularly good at. He’s cynical by nature. You help to ease the burden of it. 

The coffee shop he’s visiting with you today is quiet. The room is decorated with dark oak wood and the tables are accented by the rings of the trees the wood was cut from. The early spring light filters in at angles through the windows letting out onto the street. It falls across your notebooks and the knuckles of your hand, wrapped evenly around a black pen. 

You’d brought him here to study instead of going to the library and Kei can’t help but think that it feels like a date. His tea sits half-finished in a mug beside his laptop, beginning to cool to room temperature. Your coffee sits by your unoccupied hand and every now and then, you’ll reach to take a sip of the warm beverage without even glancing up. 

Kei has spent so much time watching you today, that he’s hardly gotten any work done. His computer is open on a document with a paragraph of writing about nudity in the classical period, which he hasn’t touched in about 10 minutes. He’s been clicking blankly around the page, adding spaces and then deleting them and then glancing up over the edge of the screen to look at the way you purse your lips when you’re focused. 

“You’d get a lot more done if you stopped staring,” you say, not looking up from your notebook. 

Kei chokes on his exhale. “What?” 

You laugh a little, looking up at him through your lashes. God, you’re pretty. 

“The document?” You chuckle. “You’re not fooling anyone by clicking around randomly like that.” 

“Oh,” Kei furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head a little. “Yeah, just can’t seem to focus.” 

“What’s the paper on?” You set down your pen and cross your arms on the table. 

“It’s not really a paper,” he says. “It’s a visual analysis on the Aphrodite of Knidos.” 

“Is that the one without the arms?” 

“No, but they come from the same family of statues,” Kei smiles a little. 

You hum a bit. “Do you like it?” 

“Like, do I think the statue’s pretty?” Kei closes the screen of his laptop to see you better. “Yeah, I do. Learning about the history of it is a bit depressing though.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, Aphrodite was one of the most powerful Greek gods, right?” He says, and you nod your head and roll your eyes because you know that already. “But this statue group intrudes on a private moment of hers. She’s trying to cover up her body, probably just before or after a bath. It’s meant to be humiliating.” 

You tilt your head. “Sounds more interesting than molecular structures at least.” 

Kei laughs a little. “Yeah, I think it’s just a bit more interesting.” 

“Why did you choose to study art history?” You question, leaning forward on your elbows. 

Kei feels awkward at receiving the question. He doesn’t like talking about himself much, let alone his passions. They tend to get away from him. 

“Probably because I’m no good at art,” he smiles a little. 

“Such a shame, what with your artist’s hands and all,” you reach across the table and tap his knuckle. 

Kei feels the color rise to his cheeks. 

“You’re no good at art, so you study art history instead?” You press for more. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I like things that people make with their hands. There’s a lot of human expression in ancient art, good and bad. Gives a bit more context into who we were before.” 

You lean back in the chair, grinning at him. Kei bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to notice the slope of your neck. 

“Why are you studying molecular bio?” He changes the subject. 

You shrug your shoulders. “I want a good cushy job that makes me a lot of money.” 

Kei watches the corners of your lips curl up. 

“Plus,” you continue, “I wanted to show off a little bit.” 

“So you put yourself through four years of torture?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Yup, I’m a huge masochist,” you grin. 

“You STEM kids are unbearable, you know?” Kei snorts. 

“But you like me anyway, yeah?” 

Kei nods, heat creeping up his neck, and watches you return to your work. 

It’s true, he does like you anyway. Kei likes you so much, in fact, that it frightens him. Well, the idea of liking someone has always frightened Kei, whether he’s noticed it or not. Commitment, or lack thereof, make Kei nervous in the same way heights do. He feels like he could lose his footing at any moment. 

That’s probably why he doesn’t want to do anything in particular about his feelings. Kei is content with just feeling them. He’s content to just be able to like you in his own way, even if nothing ever comes of it. He probably shouldn’t do anything about them, considering the back and forth battle he’s waged in his mind over the last few months. He’s too indecisive to do anything but like you, and even that feels herculean to accept. 

Not that liking you is a hard thing to do. You’re easy to like. It’s easy for him to picture touching you. It’s easy for Kei to imagine late night conversations and little intimacies shared over damp pillows. You’re easy to talk to, floating through conversations and navigating conflict with a sure step, something Kei can’t do. It’s not hard to find things to admire. 

Kei imagines what it would be like to be with you. He imagines the feel of your hands in his, how you might look spread beneath him, the inside of your thighs pressing against his hips. He imagines how his glasses might fog up with your breath and slip down the bridge of his nose. What do you taste like? What do you feel like? 

A little alarm bell sounds in his head. This is a dangerous line of thought, a greedy one. Kei doesn’t think he can handle greed, not when it comes to you. He got a taste of it that day when he saw you leave with someone else and again the following Friday. Kei doesn’t mix well with it, with wanting. Still, he wants. 

—

It’s a breezy day. It cuts the growing humidity as the beginning of May creeps on. This is no doubt one of the best times of year, though Kei prefers the fall or winter. Still, even with the slightly sticky air, his walk to class is pleasant. He’d even venture to say that it’s good. 

Light filters through the trees, blooming with their spring flowers, and in the distance he can see a familiar row of cherry blossoms just beginning to bloom. As he approaches them, he finds himself admiring their delicate petals, wondering just how brief their bloom will be before they come cascading down. One tree among the pink rows has yet to open its flowers. The buds sit on their branches, shades of green and gray. A late bloomer. This tree will no doubt flower once the other petals have fallen, and when it does, it’ll become the most eye-catching thing on the street. 

Kei admires it for a moment, standing below the thing and looking up through its twisting branches. It’s so small, much smaller than the rest of its counterparts, and its branches don’t look too full of yet-to-bloom buds either. 

There was a tree like this outside of Kei’s childhood home, the one his family lived in together when it was whole. It would always bloom a week after the others and every year he would worry that it never would. Of course, he kept this fear to himself, but he often watched it from his bedroom window when Akiteru was out. He’d press his face against the glass and pray for the flowers to come so that it didn’t get left behind. Sure enough though, it would bloom without fail and leave scattered pink petals across his yard and doorstep. Kei wonders if this tree in front of him will do the same. 

“Thinking about changing your major to plant sciences, Kei?” 

He jumps, started by your voice and your proximity. 

“Jesus,” Kei turns, “you need a bell or something.” 

“You’re the one standing in public staring at a tree with no flowers on it,” you laugh a little. 

Kei shrugs his shoulders, not really willing to give an explanation for the train of thought he was just on. 

“Where’re you headed?” he questions. 

“Dropping off an assignment,” you smile lightly, “wanna come with me?” 

“I can’t. I’ve got a class in 15.” 

“Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes,” you shrug. “We’ll make it.” 

“We?” Kei raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, you come with me to drop off my paper and then I drop you off at class. It’s a win-win.” 

“Sounds like I’m just doing a lot of extra walking,” Kei snorts. 

“Yeah, but you get to do it with me so it’ll be more fun.” 

Kei folds and goes with you to drop off your assignment. It’s an essay assigned by an old-fashioned professor who doesn’t like electronic submissions. You comment off-handedly on what a waste of paper it is and Kei nods, just happy to hear about it. 

It’s strange. Kei is normally very tied to his routine. It keeps him sane, helps him to organize his thoughts and feelings into neat compartments. For Kei, an orderly life is an orderly mind. Somehow though, you ask him to deviate from that and he’s more than willing, eager even, to oblige you. Better yet, he does it without feeling off-kilter. Well, without feeling as off-kilter about his daily life. When it comes to you, Kei is about as stable as a pogo stick. 

The walk to your professor's office is only a few minutes from his classroom, just a few buildings over, but by the time you both arrive there, Kei’s palms are sweating. He resorts to shoving them in his pockets and wiping them on the inside of his pants, mortified at the idea of accidentally touching you like this. 

“Hey, about tonight,” you start after dropping the paper off with a quick bow. 

You’re supposed to come over. It’s the first time you and Kei have agreed to hang out at one of your places alone and Kei has been compartmentalizing his nerves so harshly that he’d almost forgotten about it entirely. Maybe that explains his easy-going mood. 

“Yeah?” 

“So, Tadashi may have mentioned it in front of the others,” you give him a sheepish grin, “and they may have asked to come and I definitely told them ‘the more the merrier’.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Kei’s a little disappointed. “So they’re coming too?” 

“Yeah, is that okay?” You furrow your eyebrows. 

Kei can’t very well come out and say that it isn’t, because his reason for thinking that is entirely about monopolizing your time. Kei says he doesn’t want to do anything about these feelings, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t indulge just a little into the foreign feeling of accepting that he’s ‘in like’. 

“Yeah sure, why wouldn’t it be?” 

You raise an eyebrow at him and Kei misses the message entirely. 

“I dunno, you’re not really a fan of bigger groups right?” 

“Not really,” Kei shrugs, “but I’ve known them for a while so it doesn’t count.” 

You nod your head and then smile. “Great! Now, where is your class?” 

“Social Sciences,” Kei glances down at the brown watch on his wrist. “In about… four minutes.” 

“Wanna run? Can’t be late, can you?” 

Kei does not want to run. He runs anyway. You’re faster than he is and your step is louder. The soles of your shoes thump on the floor with every step you take and your whole body lurches forward with each bound. When you reach the end of the hallway his class is in, Kei is completely winded. Considering that he plays volleyball as a hobby, he should really be in better shape. He attributes his lack of breath to your presence. Maybe he’d been holding it while watching you run. 

You glance into his full classroom, giving him a relieved look upon seeing that the professor has not begun her lecture yet. Then, you bounce twice on the tips of your toes and start jogging in the other direction. 

“Have a good class!” You call. 

“What’s the rush?” he questions. 

“I’ve got class now too, dummy. Just wanted to hang out with you for a few more minutes.” Then, you turn and run off, your bag bouncing against the side of your leg as you round a corner and fly down a set of stairs. 

That’s the thing about you that Kei can’t get enough of. When Kei takes a step back, when he resigns himself to being okay with just a chance meeting and a brief hello, you take a step forward. Whatever Kei lacks, you make up for tenfold. Your outstretched hand makes him greedier. It makes Kei want more than he’s ever wanted before. He goes to class starved for something that isn’t food, a feeling Kei hasn’t experienced often, let alone leaned into. He lets himself feel the hunger. 

—

Day melts away to a cool evening, still slightly wet, but like the dampness before rain. The air loses its warm touch, creeping into something chillier. Kei opens his bedroom window to let the air in. He likes the smell of cool nights. He wants his room to smell like it when he sleeps tonight. 

“Sorry that I spilled the beans about tonight,” Tadashi leans in the doorway of his room. 

“It’s not like that,” Kei rolls his eyes, already irritated with the implication that whatever you and Kei had organized was anything more than two friends hanging out. 

“Sure it isn’t,” he laughs. 

“I’m serious dude,” Kei fights the urge to throw something soft at him. 

“You wanted to hang out with them alone, right?” Tadashi tilts his head. His dark hair falls to the side and around his neck. 

“I just said it wasn’t like that!” 

Tadashi gives an even laugh. “You’re the one making it dirty, Tsukki, not me.” 

Heat floods Kei’s face, painting it red. 

“Caught ya,” Tadashi smiles. 

“When the hell are you moving out?” Kei grumbles and Tadashi gives another good natured laugh. 

“Not until you do. You’re stuck with me.” 

“Not if I kill you,” Kei doesn’t smile when he says this. 

Tadashi barks a laugh. “So what changed?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean with you. You seem a little more upbeat lately,” Tadashi says. “Nothing like the sad sack from a few months ago.” 

“I was kidding before but now I’m serious. I really will kill you.” 

Tadashi shakes his head a little but doesn’t say anything, intruding on Kei’s space until he gives an answer. 

“I just got tired of it, that’s all,” Kei says evenly, though it’s a little hard to admit. 

“Tired of what?” 

“Pretending,” he says plainly, glancing up at Tadashi in the doorway. 

“Because of them?” 

“No,” he starts. “Maybe. I don’t know. Can you leave now?” 

Tadashi shakes his head. “Too curious to leave.” 

“I don’t have an answer for you,” Kei grumbles. “I got tired of pretending I didn’t want them.” 

“Not like you were very good at pretending,” Tadashi laughs and Kei tosses him a sharp look. 

He raises his hands defensively, tucking his chin downwards and laughing lightly. “Okay, fine. I’m gone now.” 

“They’ll be here in an hour or so, by the way,” Kei adds and Tadashi gives a little hum to confirm that he’s heard him as he leaves the room. 

Kei glances around his room. The floor is bare, save for a small mat by the side of his bed to keep the shock of warm feet on a cold floor in the morning away. That notebook, dear to him as it is, still sits on the desk. It’s empty, but Kei likes the look of it. 

The hour before you and his friends are meant to arrive goes by so slowly that Kei worries that he’s gotten the day wrong. He incessantly checks his watch. It’s a brown leather watch with a square face. Thin and somewhat old fashioned, Kei prefers it to pulling his phone out to check the time. His Dad has one like it, almost matching. It had been given to him as a gift at his high school graduation and Kei had accepted it begrudgingly. He’d not been on good terms with his parents then and having them both in the same space for his graduation day was more trouble than it was worth. Still, he wears the watch almost daily. Despite having the impression that his parents never really cared about him, it was a fine gift for him and the brown strap suits his light skin tone in the same way it suits his father’s. 

He walks to the mirror in his room, hanging on the wall beside his nightstand, and peers into it. Kei’s curly hair is somewhat unruly. It’s hard to manage, especially in the warmer months when his waves turn into frizzy curls that he can’t seem to keep down. It’s gotten longer, coming down to just above the bottom of his ears at the back and curls upwards in licks of thick blond. 

Kei fiddles with it for a moment, tucking it behind his ears and then deciding to pull it forward. He could put gel in it to help calm it down, but he hates the greasy look of it and he’s never been one to primp and preen. He adjusts his glasses on his nose, square frames in a tortoiseshell pattern. They look expensive, though they’re only a cheap pair that he’d found at the drug store and had the lenses replaced. 

He looks normal. Kei looks like himself, if not a bit flushed in the face from his nerves. His reflection is one he is oddly unfamiliar with, despite it being his throughout his entire life. At some point during high school, he’d stopped recognizing the man in the mirror as Kei and started viewing him as a separate entity. Kei Two, a version of him that can make a home out of a space and find things to write in his notebook. Kei Two’s family is still whole and unbroken, and he likes to imagine that he’s a little more friendly than the real-world version. He looks away from the mirror, content today with being the original. 

Kei is in the living room and around the corner when the front door latch clicks open and is followed by a symphony of raucous voices. He takes a sharp inhale, unsure of why this feels so different from the hundreds of other times you’ve all piled into his living room. 

“Where’s Kei?” He hears you call, dragging out the syllable of his name in a soft hum. 

That’s why. It’s because this time, you’ve come here to see him specifically. You’re not here to see Tadashi or by chance, you’re here because you’d made plans to see Kei. That’s what makes it different. 

You round the corner and Kei is hit full force in the chest with his emotions and his nerves. It happens all at once, keeping the air from his lungs. You’re smiling, beaming even, and Kei thinks that maybe it’s because you can hear the hammer of his heart against his chest. 

“Hi,” you breathe, plopping down next to him on the couch. 

“Hey,” he chokes out. 

Kei chides himself for his nerves. He’d been doing better about getting weird around you, but today he feels closer to blowing up than he ever has. 

Hinata, Kageyama, Yachi, and Noya make their way into the kitchen, each one clapping Tadashi on the back as they do. They beeline for their fridge, opening the door and flooding the floor with artificial white light as they pull out enough beers and sodas to supply a small army. Kei wonders why he and Tadashi ever bought so many of them. Kei hardly drinks, but he supposes that Tadashi just likes to host. 

“Tanaka and Kiyoko?” Tadashi questions as he makes his way into the living room with the group. His beer cracks open with a satisfying pop. 

“Date night,” Noya says, sinking into one of the arm chairs situated around the coffee table. “So annoying.”

He groans about Kiyoko, someone he’s all but worshiped since high school. 

“You’re just mad it isn’t you,” Kageyama quips, giving a somewhat mean grin. 

“Not true,” Noya argues. “I am the happiest person in the world for them! But now they go on dates and I can’t come. It’s like I lost a bro.” 

“You’re so overreacting,” Yachi adds, her lips forming around high pitched syllables. “They’re here most of the time.” 

“Yeah, most but not all,” Noya pouts. 

“Give the same energy to Daichi, Suga, and Asahi next time, kay?” Tadashi laughs. 

Their friend group is a large one, consisting of most (if not all) of their highschool volleyball team. While Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi are the same age as Kei and Tadashi, Tanaka and Noya are a year older, and Kiyoko is two. Daichi, Asahi, and Suga all went to universities outside of Sendai, meaning they hardly ever see them. All in all, the rest of the group is pretty bummed about it. Kei just finds that he misses having Daichi around to reel everyone in. Now that he’s gone, that job has somehow gone to Tadashi, who is more of an enabler than anything else. 

“They’re different and you know it,” Noya frowns, opening his open beer with a hiss through his teeth. 

You lean to the side, bumping your shoulder against Kei’s. 

“Who’re Daichi, Suga, and Asahi?” You ask softly. 

“You’ve never met?” Kei furrows his eyebrows and you shrug. 

“Maybe, but if I have it was only once or twice.” 

“They’re friends from our volleyball team in highschool, but they’re two years older.” 

“Okay, so one year older than me?” 

Kei blinks a few times. “You’re a year older than me?” 

“Yeah?” You laugh a little like it’s obvious. 

“But aren’t you a fourth year?” He furrows his eyebrows. 

“I took a year off before starting college,” you shrug your shoulders. “Thought that I had to get my sillies out.” 

“Your sillies?” Kei laughs a little. 

“Yeah,” you smile, “and I had to save up some money. It makes the world go ‘round, you know?” 

“What are you guys whispering about?” Tadashi gives Kei a wry grin over the top of his beer can. 

It’s only then that Kei realizes the way you both are leaning into each other. He’s tilting his head down to hear you better and you’re leaning forward. It gives off the impression of two people conspiring, of closeness that Kei hadn’t even realized had crept up on him. 

“I was asking who Daichi, Suga, and Asahi are,” you shrug off the moment, leaning back in the chair. 

This prompts a chorus of disbelief, everyone jumping in to describe them to you. Kei takes it as a moment to breathe, inhaling and exhaling. He can feel your thigh against his, just barely there and bleeding warmth through the fabric of his jeans. 

They delve into stories about nationals, little details that Kei had forgotten a long time ago. Every now and then, someone will bring up Kei’s more-than-sour personality and he will feel the need to hide the embarrassment on his cheeks. Even though you know about it, it’s still mortifying for Kei to hear. He wants you to see the best in him, but any hopes he had of you forgetting are quickly washed away as someone brings up Kei’s relentless prodding of Kageyama’s easily pushed buttons. 

You laugh along with them like you were there, amused to hear stories about your college friends in their high school years. Kei finds himself thinking that you fit very well into this scene. 

Still though, despite the fun he’s having, Kei’s battery begins to run out quickly and after a long game of cards, he gets up to take a quick break in the kitchen. It’s not that he wants the night to end, but rather that he just needs a minute to himself and uses the idea of more snacks as an excuse for it. 

He reaches into a cabinet, pulling out a half-finished bag of chips and setting them on the counter. They’re clipped with a bright red chip-clip from the grocery store and Kei thinks that because of that, they shouldn’t have gone stale yet. If it were the peak of summer, Kei might think twice, but this time of year, they should be fine.

Then, he bends down to get a large white mixing bowl from a lower cabinet. Their plates and bowls are kept in various different cabinets, though the only reason they stay somewhat organized is because of Kei. 

“Done already?” You lean your hip against the counter. 

“With what?” Kei struggles to keep his eyes from following the line of your body. 

“Hanging out,” you smile lightly. 

“Not really,” he says. “Just needed a minute and decided to get more snacks.” 

“Wanna go sit outside for a bit then?” 

Kei glances into the living room where the group chatters away. He’d hate to be stopped on the way. 

“Relax,” you laugh. “They’re so caught up they won’t even notice that we’re gone.” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and then shrugs, swallowing his heart down with the spit that has pooled in his mouth. He follows you out of the front door, shutting it with a quiet click and heading down the steps of the complex and to the concrete wall lining the shrubbery outside. It’s the same place you’d come back to talk to him at all those weeks ago, though he is in considerably better spirits than he was then. 

It’s a cool night, the gentle heat of the day completely burned off to make way for a crisp breeze. He inhales, wishing that he had brought a drink to fiddle with and sip on to distract him from his nerves. 

You sit beside him, leaning back on your palms with your legs outstretched in front of you. Your hand is only a few inches from his and Kei sucks in a breath when he accidentally touches it while he gets comfortable. You only offer him a little smile in response. 

“Sorry again about bringing the troops here,” you speak first. 

“That’s really okay,” he says. “Contrary to popular belief, I actually really like them.” 

You snort. “I hope so.” 

Kei inhales louder than he intends to and when you look at him like he’s going to say something, he just holds his breath and shakes his head. The air only leaves him when you finally look away. 

“Kind of a bummer though,” you start, “I was kinda excited about just hanging out with you.” 

Kei’s breath catches in his throat. He swallows to move the metaphorical blockage. 

“We hang out all the time though,” he says like it’s enough. Of course it’s not enough. 

“Guess so,” you smile a little, though Kei can hear the distinct turn of disappointment in your voice. 

“You know,” he starts, already embarrassed at what he’s going to admit. “I wanted to be your friend for a while.” 

“Oh yeah?” you smile, opening up again and turning towards him. “Why?” 

Kei shrugs, resisting the urge to shut down completely. It’s embarrassing admitting to someone that you wanted to know them before you actually knew them. 

“You kind of reminded me of Tadashi,” he says. “And you both got along so well.” 

“Tadashi? I’m nothing like Tadashi,” you laugh, shaking your head. 

“What? No, you two are so similar,” Kei insists, lacing his fingers together. 

“What about us is so similar?” 

“Well, you’re both sociable and warm and…” Kei trails off. He can’t really think of anything else. You look at him with an expectant look in your eyes. 

“See?” 

Kei realizes that the two of you are not similar at all. Your warmth is where the similarity stops. He’d been likening you to Tadashi this entire time, not because the two of you are similar, but because you make him feel similar to the way Tadashi does. Safe and comfortable, though with the added addition of deeply awkward. He realizes that without the safety net of you being like Tadashi, he’s never had any ability to deny his feelings and with that they rage full force around the corner and slam into his chest like a heavy blow. 

“We’re nothing like each other,” you laugh and lean back against your palms. “Though, it would be cool to be like Tadashi.” 

Kei experiences the sudden realization that he doesn’t want you to be like Tadashi. Kei wants you to be like him. He wants you to be greedy and want him the same way he wants you. He wants you to be able to keep up with his turns and his moods, something he didn’t realize he wanted in the first place. If you’re like Kei, then Kei doesn’t have to be afraid of showing you the worst. You’ll have already seen it. If you’re like Kei and he loves you, then what is stopping you from loving him? 

“Even if you’re not like Tadashi, that’s fine.” His cheeks burn. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, I like you all the same,” he admits quietly. 

“The same? As Tadashi?” You purse your lips a little. “I thought I was a little different. Was I wrong?” 

Kei wants to kiss you. Kei wants to kiss you so badly that his mouth has gone dry and his lips feel like they’ve separated from his body. Anything he’d thought about not wanting anything with you flies out of the window with your proximity. You’re so close to him. Close enough that if he leaned a little to the right, his shoulder would be against yours. You’re so close and you’re looking at him like you’re waiting for something, implying that somehow you’re different from Tadashi. Implying that you want him to like you differently than the way he likes his platonic friend. 

“No, you’re different,” he says, taking the bait you’ve laid in front of him. His heart pounds and he can’t look at you. He thinks he’ll kiss you if he does. 

“Am I?” 

Kei can hear the smile in your voice. It makes what you’re saying sound honeyed and curved. 

“Yeah, you are.”

“How so?” 

Kei finally raises his head to look at you. You’re grinning, leaning towards him like you’re watching a show. He feels the way his nerves rise into his throat, pressing against the very back of his tongue. He doesn’t know how to answer or what to say. Well, he does know what to say, he just doesn’t think he can. Kei is good at thinking about emotions, but when it comes time to speak them outloud, it seems that he’s still got a padlock around his throat. So he does what any logical person would do. 

Kei leans forward, pushing against his screaming nerves and trying to ignore the tremble in his hands, and kisses you. It’s awkward and his teeth click against yours before his lips fully settle against your mouth. He feels the breath you draw in, like surprise and relief mixed together, and he finds that he does the same. 

He can see the way your eyes flutter closed through his barely open ones and he realizes that your lips are so warm. He screws his eyes shut when you dip your head forward to move your lips against his. Yours are so warm and soft, like satin. A kiss has never felt like this to Kei before and he finds that he wants to catalog every single one of your reactions. Maybe that’s what he could write in the notebook. Maybe he could write down every single thing that you do that leaves him winded and wanting more. 

Neither of you reach for the other, but he can feel the knuckle of your pinky against his as you slowly kiss each other, tilting your heads side to side. There’s hunger within him, the need to take more than what he’s receiving and a greed he isn’t quite familiar with, but there’s also romance. It’s like a spell that’s yet to be broken, fed by the click of your mouths as they move together. Kei sighs, flooded with the relief of this kind of physical affection, of being honest with himself at how much he likes it. Kei loves the feel of your mouth. He loves the way your lips and tongue feel and he loves that they’re all that he can feel right now. 

The kiss lasts longer than Kei thought it would and by the time he pulls away, you’re both steadily panting and attempting to keep your breathing even. He wants to do it again. He wants it so badly that it makes his chest swell. He wants to do that with you forever, but he swallows down the desire. It’s a temporary fix, but it’s enough for him to choke out what it is he wants to say next. 

“I think I’m in really hot water,” he squeaks. 

“What do you mean?” You breathe out, the playfulness from a few moments earlier long behind you. 

“I think I want you way more than I thought I did,” he admits quietly, the first out loud admittance of his feelings to you. 

You smile a little before speaking. “I think it’s only hot water if the other person doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Your face is still so close to his. “Yeah?” 

It comes out a bit desperate, like he needs reassurance. Kei does. He’s so afraid that he thinks he could die. Afraid of the spell breaking, afraid of losing whatever moment this is and being forced to return to his one-sided pining, afraid that you don’t feel the same way.

Your face moves closer to him, breath trembling lightly. “Yeah.” 

You kiss him again, pressing your lips against his lightly before parting them. He’s so overwhelmed and so immediately lost in it. Kei feels the way your tongue teases the inside of his mouth and it makes him feel like a teenager again, swelling with desires and emotions that he can’t name. You move your hand over his, placing it lightly on top of his, and he reacts by lacing your fingers together and pushing forward more. 

Kei wants to touch you so badly, to reach up and hold your face, to touch your waist and your legs and your chest. He wants to do it all, to feel you right here under the cover of night, but he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses you and stews in the desire, letting it swell in his chest as he listens to the clicking of your mouths. You kiss him so slowly, moving your mouth at a languid pace. It drives him crazy. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of this.

“We should go back inside, I think,” you break away, your bottom lip shiny with a sheen of spit. “The others might think something’s up and Tanaka isn’t exactly good with discretion.”

Kei automatically reaches up to swipe it with his thumb. He doesn’t know where this affection comes from, where the possessive action found its origins, but he finds that he likes the way it feels to be able to do it in the first place. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kei responds, though he would have been happy to continue sitting out here with you, kissing you silly. 

You stand first, dusting off the back of your legs and waiting for Kei to follow suit. When he does, you reach quickly for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before walking in front of him. 

Kei is not sure how he should act when he goes inside. He’s tense all over, desperate to pick up where the two of you left off, and unsure if his face betrays that thought. 

“Where’d you guys go?” Tadashi asks as Kei closes the door behind him. 

In the time you’d both been gone, the living room has been transformed into something nearly unrecognizable. Empty beer cans are strewn about the tables and the blankets and pillows from the couches are now haphazardly laying around beside the couch or over people’s bodies. Then again, maybe the room always looked like this and he was just too busy thinking about how close you were to him. 

Kei doesn’t know what to say. Why had they gone outside in the first place? He’s not even sure that he remembers. 

“I wanted a cigarette and I made Kei come with me,” you answer evenly. “Why? You jealous?” 

“Of inhaling second-hand smoke? No, thanks.” Tadashi laughs, but he tosses Kei a sideways glance. Tadashi knows him well enough to know that Kei wouldn’t voluntarily stand outside with a smoker unless he was particularly fond of them. 

“Aw, man, I thought you quit?” Hinata pipes up, tilting his head. 

“I did, hot stuff,” you respond, sitting down on the couch. “Don’t worry. I won’t smoke anymore.” 

Hinata huffs and Kei takes the opportunity to sit down next to you. 

His thigh is pressed against yours, warmth seeping through his pants and into his skin. Kei feels like he could explode. You’re so close to him again, closer than before, and he can’t stop replaying the kiss in his head. He’s desperate for it, fidgety with his desire. He keeps thinking about the hot press of your mouth and the languid motion of your tongue. All he can imagine is the few points of contact between you both, mouth and hands, and how badly he wanted it to be more. He needs it. 

You touch him a few times throughout the night and the tension is so palpable that Kei is convinced he can see it. It’s like there is a rope pulled taut between the two of you. If he doesn’t stick his ground, he’ll go flying towards you, grabbing and touching and taking in the way he’s desperate to now. 

After an hour, his friends begin to grow restless. Their faces are flushed with alcohol and the things they’d been amusing themselves with are no longer enough stimulation. 

“Hey, we’re going out to the bars. Who’s coming?” Hinata speaks up. 

A chorus of agreement rings out, but the last thing Kei wants to do is go out.

“I think I’ll probably stay back and start cleaning,” he says somewhat disdainfully. “It’s a mess in here,” Kei tosses you a small glance. It’s unintentional but he’s glad for it because Kei is hoping that you’ll stay back with him, that you both can pick up where you left off. 

“I’ll stay and help too. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow anyway,” you smile and Hinata pouts. 

“You guys are so boring,” he protests. “Leave the mess for tomorrow and come out with us.” 

“I’ll pass, pipsqueak,” Kei scoffs. 

“Fine, but don’t complain to me when you’re full of regret tomorrow,” he points a finger at Kei and then moves it over to you. “And you’re too nice for your own good.” 

“Do you hear that?” You say, beginning to usher the group to the door. “I think it’s the sound of the bar and all that alcohol calling to you guys.” 

“You guys are so full of shit-” Kageyama starts, speaking up for the first time in a while, but Kei just waves him out. 

“Yeah yeah, let the grown ups clean while you guys have fun. We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

The rope is so taut between you both that it’s unbearable and by the time the door closes, you are spinning around on your heel toward Kei. 

“We’re not cleaning, right?” 

Kei shakes his head and starts towards you. The tension breaks when his hands find your hips and he hungrily leans down to press his mouth against yours. 

This kiss is different from the first, desperate and full of desire. It’s fast and your mouths move together quickly as he starts to walk you back towards his bedroom, his hands eagerly roaming up and down your hips. Vaguely, he acknowledges that his glasses have been moved out of place, but he pays it no mind as you turn the knob to his bedroom door with your back to it. 

There’s an urgency to his movements. Kei feels it in his chest, this desperate desire to be closer, to consume everything that you’ve laid out in the palm of his hand. You stumble backwards into his room and Kei catches your shifted weight with a hand around your waist. His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, feeling the warm skin on your jaw and neck. His fingers tremble where they touch you, half out of desperate need and half out of the nerves that threaten to spill from his mouth. His lips though, are occupied with yours, clicking together, all tongue and teeth. 

Kei kisses sloppily down your jaw, his lips smearing across your cheek and dipping down below your ear. He sucks a trail there, unsure if he’s leaving marks, all the way down to your collarbone. Every part of you tastes better than he’d expected it to and with every push he delivers, you pull. 

You make small sounds, little pants and groans that make Kei’s hair stand on end with wanting. Your voice, so familiar and fond to him, spills out in small, breath-like bursts that make Kei want to coax more out of you. Kei’s never been one to want this way, but right now, it’s all that he feels. So much tension and impulse that he feels like he can hardly control himself. 

You reach blindly behind you for the bed and Kei guides you down, placing his hand on one side of you as you sit. Then, without disconnecting your lips, he guides you up toward the wall. 

He feels the cool tips of your fingers at the hem of his shirt, pulling downward and then upward to get him to take it off. Kei obliges you, leaning back on his knees and pulling it off over the top of his head. You eye him for a moment, the two of you slowing down enough as the urgency settles into something heavy and lingering. 

Kei leans forward again, one of his hands reaching for your hip. He slips his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, sliding his long fingers up your stomach as he kisses you again. You’re so soft and he can feel the way your chest heaves against his palm. His touch is feather light and he slides it up evenly until it reaches just below your breast. When you nod, Kei moves it up over your bra and he feels you shudder. Kei does the same, overwhelmed by your pliability. 

He can feel the goosebumps that have raised on your skin, little pinpricks of skin that indicate that some part of you feels good. When Kei squeezes your breast, you gasp into his moan and he groans his response, letting you bite at his bottom lip. 

He feels you suck at his lips and swipe your tongue along the ridge of his mouth. When he opens it to let you in, he’s overtaken by the warmth of the soft muscle. He groans, tilting his head down to kiss you deeper, letting the taste of you spread over his mouth. It’s hot and your breath fans across his face. 

Kei hands drift from your breasts along the sides of your body. He feels the heave of your breath there against your warm skin, his palms resting on your waist. You raise your knees, the sides of them pressing against Kei’s hips. He shifts downwards slowly, dragging his mouth along your skin, past the cloth of your shirt. 

His hands make their way from your waist to your hips as he dips lower. Kei takes off his glasses, already fogged up and in the way. When he meets your eyes, you nod your permission and Kei slips between your legs, his flat palms moving to spread your thighs. 

You’re so warm and soft, so pliable in a way that Kei can’t articulate. It makes his mouth water with his desperation and he’s grown hard against the bedspread beneath him. 

“Touch me,” you breathe out. 

Kei nods into your stomach, looping his fingers around our waistband, and pulls down your pants. Your panties come with it and it’s with a slight wave of regret that he realizes he won’t get to see the way you stick to them. 

When he sees you, his heart leaps into his throat. His eagerness and his nerves catch up to him and he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. You shudder when the air hits your exposed cunt, an unintentional side effect of Kei’s nerves that has him grinding down against the bedspread. 

He slides his palm to rest over your center. It’s warm and sticky, wet beyond what Kei had imagined and he gingerly presses a finger between your folds. You gasp, mouth falling open above him. Then, he slides his finger into you to the first knuckle, curling up. Kei goes deeper on the second pump, curling his whole finger inside of you and feeling the way you tighten around him. 

You arch your back up off the bed and Kei groans and rolls his eyes, resting his head on the inside of your exposed thigh. He curls his fingers in you, watching the way they coat with your pleasure. His eyebrows are knit together, like he’s asking whether you like how he touches you or not, and you seem to pick up on his insecurity, nodding your head before letting it tip back against Kei’s pillows. 

Kei thinks your expression is incredible. Your eyebrows pull up in the center, pretty face twisted and mouth slightly open in an expression of undeniable pleasure. Kei’s stomach winds at the look of it and he ruts his hips against the mattress to quell the growing ache of need. His fingers, which curl at a slow and even pace inside of you, are warm with your enjoyment. It leaks between his knuckles, sliding down the back of his hand like a slow moving syrup. He wonders whether you have more to give and how you taste, his gaze slinking from your face to the place just above where his fingers disappear. 

He lowers his mouth to you without thinking, curious and needing the taste of it. Sure enough, you have more to give. Your voice comes quickly, a small gasp that is stifled by the back of your hand when he sucks sharply on your clit. Your hips push forward against his hands and then you arch up off the mattress with a small cry. Kei wonders if you’ve cum. He wonders if he’s sent you over the edge, but if he has, you’re taking all of it so well that he doesn’t dare stop. 

The taste of you spreads on his tongue, tangy and warm. You invade his senses violently, like you are gripping his throat. Kei holds his mouth to you, pressing the length of his cock into the mattress and moving his hips like he plans to fuck it. 

He moves his free hand down your thigh and onto the inside of your leg. Your skin is so soft. It’s so vulnerable, something easily pierced and bled. Kei’s pointer finger rubs gentle circles there, feeling the slight pull of the soft skin with his fingers, so thin that it almost feels like tissue paper. He’s sure that with a little pressure, you would bruise. 

The thought surprises him. He works his tongue across your clit and his fingers against that gummy spot inside of you, but his mind drifts to the softness of your inner thigh, the way it would be so easy to leave a spot that might hurt later when you press on it, remind you of exactly where he was. Then, Kei pinches you on the inside of your thigh and when you cry out, tightening around his fingers with a tapered moan, he pinches you again, harder this time. 

You whimper slightly, like you like it. No, you sound like you love it and Kei finds himself holding back a choked moan as he tries not to cum prematurely. He pinches along the inside of your legs and around the back. Not too much. Only when he feels like it. Only when he wants to hear what kind of sounds you’ll make. 

“K-Kei wait, wait,” you pant, grabbing him by his tufts of blonde hair. It hurts. He doesn’t think you mean to hurt him, but it doesn’t matter. He likes it and he twitches in his pants. 

“Huh?” He hums, detaching from your clit and slowing the movement of his fingers to a halt. Your legs shake around his handiwork. “You okay?” 

“I’ll cum if you keep going like that,” you breathe, screwing your eyes shut like you’re still on the edge. “Drag it out for me, yeah?” 

Kei furrows his eyebrows and sucks in a sharp breath.

“Cum if you want to.” He tilts his head down to reattach his lips. 

“Not yet,” you tug at his hair. “I like chasing it.” 

Kei stares at you, unblinking and awestruck. Your chest heaves and despite the pleasure on your face, you look uncomfortable as your orgasm slips away from you. Kei likes that look on your face and he finds himself growing greedy. 

“Come here,” you coax him onto the mattress. 

Kei watches as you slip your hands into the waistband of his jeans and pull them down, leaving him on his back with his tented boxers exposed. You crawl down his body and settle between his legs with your arms between his thighs. He shudders when you run your hands up them and he briefly sees his boxers jump. 

You smile, pressing your mouth to him through his boxers. Kei can’t stifle the groan that escapes him and heat floods his face when you raise your eyebrows in response. 

“You don’t have to,” he says through gritted teeth as you slip the waistband of his boxers down. 

“But I want to,” you mumble, taking him in your hand and placing a kiss on the side of his dick. 

Kei’s head falls back against the pillow and he swears under his breath when he feels the warmth of your mouth close around the tip of him. He jerks his head up to see, awestruck by the way your lips look around the head of his cock. 

For some reason, Kei is already so sensitive. He feels everything, and when you swipe the tip of your tongue along his slit as you bob your head, he makes a noise he didn’t think he could make. His fingers knot themselves in the bed sheets, white knuckled and trembling while you bob your head over him. 

Your mouth is so warm and wet. It’s a little messy, dripping down the length of him and onto his balls. Kei feels the warmth, the heat of you. He can still taste you on his tongue. Kei can still feel the stickiness left behind from your arousal on his mouth. The combination of you between his legs and the taste of you on his tongue is overwhelming. 

Kei can feel his orgasm growing in his lower stomach, turning over until he’s bringing his long fingers to your head in an effort to steady himself. There’s nothing he can do but give in, watching you through damp eyes as you watch his expression. 

It’s embarrassing how quickly he cums. It doesn’t take long and he teeters on the edge for a few moments before fully cresting over. Kei can’t help the way he lifts his hips from the mattress, his voice caught in his throat as it hooks on a high pitched groan. His voice cracks and he feels the way his cum collects on your tongue and across the tip of his dick in your mouth. 

“Fuck,” he mutters, red faced and panting, “I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to finish so quickly, you’re just-” 

“It’s fine,” you come up, your eyes glassed over and lust-filled. “I like making you feel good.” 

“Yeah but-” 

“No buts,” you crawl over him and straddle his waist. Kei winces when your weight briefly nudges his cock. “There’s still fun to be had. Can I kiss you?” 

He nods and you lean down to do as you’d asked. Your tongue moves slowly against his, less desperate this time, like you’re trying to work him down and back up again. You place your hands on his chest, settling your weight down so that your bare cunt is pressed against his sensitive cock. Kei thinks he might die. 

He brings his hands to your waist, the fatigue creeping from his bones as he digs the pads of his fingers into your fleshy sides. You draw in a breath when he does and it makes Kein feel like he’s tipping sideways with arousal. Everything that you do, right down to the involuntary twitch of your hips or eyebrows, is sexy. 

Kei turns you over, growing hard between your legs again, and gently pins you to the mattress. He kisses you for a moment longer, his lips working clumsily across yours before he pulls away to catch his breath and find his bearings. 

You chase him with your mouth, tilting your head up to kiss him. Kei feels his chest swell with arousal and his cock strains almost painfully against his pants as he peers at you. You’re so pretty. Everything about you is so pretty. On his chest, he can feel your fingers, splayed over his pecks, across his collarbone, and grazing the side of his neck. He leans closer, loving the pressure of your body and the desperation that pours from your skin. 

Kei kisses you again. He kisses you the way he wanted to outside, dipping his tongue into your mouth with a desperation that he can taste. You take control back, reaching between the two of you, and Kei shifts himself upward instinctually to give you access to him. He feels your fingers fumble for him and there’s a pause in which Kei doesn’t know what to do. He wonders if this might be the part of him that you like. The awkward part, the one that doesn’t know what to do. Kei’s thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of your hand wrapping around him and tugging upward. 

His head drops and a low groan escapes his lips before he can even think to stop it. Kei’d almost forgotten his sensitivity, how desperately he wants to be touched, how overwhelming it feels. He shivers, looking down at where your hand wraps around him and pumps. When he looks back up, he finds that you’re looking at his face, your eyes glassed over and observant as you commit all of his expressions to memory. 

“What?” he says, letting out a shuddering breath and the slight overstimulation. 

“Your face is red,” you reach up with your free hand to run your thumb along his cheek. 

Kei huffs, dropping his head and you fiddle with something between the two of you.

“No,” you pick his chin up. “I like it. It’s cute.” 

You tighten your grip around him and Kei feels his expression twist, a new rush of heat and desire flooding his belly as he realizes you’re sliding a condom onto him. Then, you guide the tip of him between your legs and he feels the wet press of your entrance against him. 

“Christ,” he groans. 

You smile slightly, shifting your hips a little and then placing your hands on his shoulders. Kei pushes forward slowly, his thighs twitching. It takes everything he has to keep from cumming again and every muscle in his body screams with a desire to let go. 

Kei is so overwhelmed, partially because you feel so good, but also because there is some part of him that knows this feels different. Kei feels different about you, about being intimate with you, than he has with anyone else. There’s something alive in him, something with its own mind. Something greedy and vulnerable that stirs when your face is this close to him, when he’s buried all the way in you to the base of his cock. Emotional and sensitive, Kei feels it kick. 

His first instinct is to run. Agreeing to let himself like you, to let himself do something about it, was not agreeing to letting something live inside of him. Kei’s first thought when he registers the difference is to cut it off and suffocate it so that it stops thumping against his chest. He’d grown so used to the hollow feeling that the feeling of living emotion makes him nervous, it puts him on edge. But when he pulls out a few inches and fucks back into you, the anxiety dispels into insurmountable pleasure. A pleasure Kei can’t describe, something fulfilling and whole. 

He picks up his pace, letting himself do what he wants while you grip his shoulders with blunted nails. He likes the expression you wear. Truthfully, he likes all of your expressions, but this one is new. Pressure and pleasure, a newness to the feel of him inside of you that you can’t quite keep from your eyes or lips. He kisses you as if he could taste it, slipping his tongue between your lips. 

“I really like you,” you mumble against his mouth, breath hot as it fans across his cheeks. 

Kei’s heart hammers and his hips stutter a little. 

“Me too,” he chokes, trying to think about volleyball to stave off a second orgasm. All that comes to mind though, is you. 

“Are you close again?” you breathe, voice laden with pleasure. 

“I have been since we started,” Kei admits. 

“Cum then,” you say softly, reaching behind his head to pull his mouth back to yours. Kei likes the control you exhibit. He groans his approval.

“You first,” he mutters.

There’s this possessive part of Kei that wants to watch you fall apart on him. He wants to see it, to watch you feel good too and commit it to memory so that he can always keep it. He thinks it’s a pride thing, something attached to his desire to succeed, to his reliability. Maybe though, it’s just because he thinks it’ll look hot. 

He reaches down and lifts one of your legs up by the back of your knee, pressing it down to give himself better access. You whine and Kei feels the way you clench down around him, your fingers knitting into the hair at the back of his neck. It hurts in a good way. 

Kei slips his hand between you, rubbing circles on your clit to get you there faster. Frankly, he doesn’t know how much longer he can last like this, staring down at your face while it twists with pleasure. You’re so attractive to him. Everything about you is sexy. It makes Kei a little crazy. 

He listens as your breathing quickens, as your voice wavers further. He feels the way your cunt begins to flutter faster, pulsing around him until you attempt to cry out and warn him. Then, you clamp down around him, arching your hips up off the mattress and pulling at his hair. Kei moves his head with you, relishing in the way you tug and scratch. 

He builds up to his orgasm so fast that it hurts. There’s pressure and then the mounting feeling of nearing the top, and then the peak and crash. He cums so hard that it hurts, pushing his cock as far as it will go into you and feeling the warm spill of his cum in the condom. He moans a long, drawn out sound that you mimic, his fingers knitting into the pillow behind you and his head dropping so that his lips sit near your neck.

He lets out a shaky breath, letting himself sit inside of you for a moment. You turn his head towards yours and kiss him. It’s gentle. A smooth and languid kiss that neither of you moves to deepen. Your lips move against each other and Kei closes his eyes to savor the taste. 

You tap his shoulder and Kei rolls over onto the bed beside you, snapping the condom off with a small wince and tying it up in a quick motion. He places it in the trash bin beside the bed. When he turns over, you’re already moving to slip under his arm, resting your head on his chest. 

There’s a passing moment of silence, not unlike the ones you both have fallen into before and you sigh lightly against his exposed chest. Kei follows suit, watching the way you move with his breath. 

His skin is sticky against yours and Kei can vaguely register the smell of sweat in the room. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since everyone left, nor does he know when they’ll be back, but he estimates that it won’t be more than an hour. Kei briefly wishes that he could pause time so that he can stay here with you, just like this. 

“I’m not good at this kind of stuff,” Kei admits quietly. 

“What stuff?” You ask, tracing your finger along the ridges of his lean abdomen. 

“Liking people,” he says. “Dating.” 

You give a small laugh. “No offense, Kei, but I could tell that from the moment I met you.” 

“Shit, seriously?” 

“Duh,” you breathe out. “It’s a little charming to me, though. I like that part of you.” 

So it’s true. You like the parts of Kei that he’s always worried were the worst of him. 

“Huh,” he says. “Could you tell?” 

“That you like me?” You ask, shifting your head to look at him. “Yeah, it was obvious after we established that you didn’t hate me. I always noticed you staring in the library.” 

“Really? I thought I was being a little slick with that,” Kei feels heat and color flood his face. 

You let out a good-natured laugh. “People can always tell when someone’s staring, Kei. It’s like a sixth sense.” 

“Good to know. Hindsight is 20/20 and all.” 

Another bout of silence follows. 

“You can keep staring though,” you say, “if you want to. And calling.”

“Okay,” Kei responds, “I didn’t really plan on stopping.” 

“Ha, freaky,” you laugh a little and Kei reaches up to flick the side of your head. “Wanna start going out?” 

Kei thinks about this for a moment. He thinks about being able to hold your hand, brush hair out of your face, watch movies on the couch and fix your breakfast the next morning. Then he thinks about not being able to do those things. 

“I think I’d be a little upset if we didn’t,” he admits. 

“Good,” you say. “Me too.” 

He’s fighting off sleep. His eyelids are heavy and he tries to blink away the shroud of rest that’s falling over him. Kei knows you’re fighting it too. Your breathing goes in and out of that familiar breathing that comes with sleep. Kei likes the way it sounds coming from you, restful and quiet. 

“We should… really get up to clean just a little,” he mumbles. 

“Five more minutes,” you say softly, your voice heavy and laden with drowsiness. 

“Okay,” he says. 

It’s just five more minutes. Kei fights sleep to hear you breathe like this a little longer. 

—

There’s a period after which Kei doesn’t know what to do with himself. Like the awkward start to a new hobby or passion, Kei finds himself enthralled with his budding relationship while simultaneously stumbling continuously along the way. You’re gracious with him though, letting him make mistakes and fumble until he finds his footing. 

It’s all very awkward for him, very new. He finds that it’s easier to just do the nice things he wants to do for you than to agonize over it and slowly, he begins to grow comfortable in the relationship that took you both so long to begin. 

At first, only Tadashi knew about you both. Kei thought that there was no point in hiding it from him, since you were over at the apartment all the time. Of course, Tadashi somehow already knew. That’s how it usually goes anyway, and Kei is relieved to find that his internal change did not trigger some global shift that would turn his life upside down. Everything is normal, save for the fact that Kei now tries to love without hindrance. 

Kei discovers that he’s possessive. That’s a new trait of his that he didn’t know belonged to him. Before you, before Kei had found something he so desperately wanted to keep, he’d been rather detached. Possessiveness was rare because Kei hardly ever got attached enough to want. Now though, he wants so badly that it hurts. You lean into it. Kei suspects that you like it when he wards off people who hit on you, when he pouts a little because he wants to be close to you, when he gets a little jealous. Kei doesn’t really mind it either. After all, despite his possessiveness, he never feels insecure. The both of you make sure of that. 

This sunny period with you, the one Kei worried would only last a week, drifts easily from one month into two and before he knows it, it’s been five. Kei had worried about that fundamental change. The one imperceivable to the human eye. He’d worried that slowly, it would begin to spoil what is so good between the two of you. 

“Kei,” you snap him out of it, placing a hand on his shoulder, “you okay?” 

He sets down his cup of tea, barely touched. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?” You give him a wry smile. “This was your idea, after all.” 

“Yeah, well it was a pretty shit idea actually,” he breathes, “My parents aren’t exactly easy.” 

“You want to cancel?” You ask, your eyebrows pulling up in a clumsy attempt to hide your disappointment. Kei can see right through it.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I want you to meet them. I just don’t want you to meet them.” 

The truth of it is that Kei would like to cancel. In an ideal world, one where the sun rises on the opposite side of his bedroom window, he’d forget the whole thing and take you out to get dinner and see a movie. Things would be simpler that way, less uncomfortable for the both of you. But as uncomfortable as it is, Kei wants you to be a part of their lives too. You’re too important to not introduce to his parents and Kei can’t see it any other way, though he’d like to. 

You snort. “What does that even mean?” 

Kei gives you a pointed and somewhat irritated look. 

“Okay, sorry,” you raise your hands defensively and walk over to place them on his shoulders. “I know you’re worried, but I think it’s going to be okay. I’m excited.” 

Kei huffs out a laugh, unable to vocalize his nerves in their totality. “Excited to meet my dysfunctional, divorced parents that kind of hate each other?” 

“Yup. I’m excited to meet the people who raised you.” 

Kei smiles a little. “You should meet Akiteru, then,” It’s an exaggeration, but for some reason the prospect of seeing both of his parents together has him feeling a little more bitter than usual, even if it was his idea. 

You give him a little grin through narrowed eyes. There’s an understanding that passes from you to him, like you’re acknowledging that you haven’t forgotten what he’d told you nearly six months ago. Kei feels the tension in his shoulders relax a little. 

His parents are already at the restaurant when he arrives. It’s a swanky Italian place. The kind you go to on birthdays or for anniversaries, where the pasta dishes are things like lobster mushroom ravioli or truffle oil fettucini in tiny portions. Kei made sure to book somewhere that his parents would have trouble making a scene in, not that they ever had much of a mind for decorum when they were married. He’s surprised to find them chatting cordially when you both arrive. 

“Kei,” his mother stands from the table and crosses to give him a hug. He pats her back gently.

“Hi Mom,” Kei responds and she gives him a small smile. 

Kei’s dad adjusts the lapel of his suit, the same one he’s had for years, and reaches to give him a hug around one shoulder. 

“Guys,” he inhales, “This is my partner, _____.” 

You grin at Kei and then introduce yourself formally to his parents. Kei watches in awe as you blend right in, like you’ve known them for many years. He sits down while trying to keep the nerves from his face. 

“We’re so happy to meet you,” his mother starts, “Kei’s never introduced us to any of his partners before.” 

“I’m the first?” You smile a little, raising an eyebrow at Kei as if to tease him. 

“There really haven’t been that many to begin with,” Kei grumbles as if that somehow makes it better. 

You laugh again and the ball of conversation begins rolling. His mother tells you how pretty you are and his father nods a quieter approval. They talk about his university’s graduation ceremony, which they attended separately, as if they were together the entire time and then ask about your major, if you graduated with him, where you plan on going. You tell them what you want to do and that you want to go wherever Kei goes. He marvels at how smoothly the evening moves onward.

There are moments where the tension in his family becomes obvious. Little swells or comments that bring up a sour or shameful memory that cannot be ignored. Moments when the air thickens and it feels like the hammer is about to come down. It never does though. The tension, rather than snapping, simply fades away. 

He’d expected everything to blow up for some reason. Kei had expected that, like his childhood, the restaurant dishes would end up smashed on the floor. The glassware always ended up broken in the house, why shouldn’t they be broken here to shatter the illusion of things being good? He braces himself for a ball that never drops.

It takes him until the ride home, after a successful dinner, to realize that the dishes haven’t been smashed in years. Not since he was fourteen and his parents fought for custody. Not since his mother got remarried to her now husband almost 6 years ago and his father met his new wife. Kei wonders why he still feels like he lives in that house. The one his parents were at their worst in. Why can’t he feel like he lives in the apartment he rents with Tadashi? 

“I think that went well,” you say softly on the drive back. 

Kei nods his agreement. “I think so too.” 

You don’t bring up the fact that they didn’t fight, or that they spoke about their new kids with each other as if they were old friends. You don’t accuse Kei of being wrong, of being paranoid even though he most definitely was. 

“I’m glad that I got to meet them,” you say. “You look so much like your mom.” 

“Really?” Kei asks. 

“Yeah, you’ve got her eyes and her nose,” you smile a little. “It makes you two look similar.” 

“Huh,” he says. “I never really gave that much thought.” 

Kei turns the idea that he has his mother’s face over in his head. He’d spent so much time dreading that he was like them on the inside, that he never paused to consider the outside. So much of his life has been spent worrying that he’s just like them. That he breaks the plates and lashes out and acts cruelly even when he’s trying to love. But he has his mother’s eyes and for some reason that unsettles him. It’s like evidence. 

“You don’t really act like them though,” you say as if on cue. “You’re a little gentler.” 

“Me? Gentle?” Kei scoffs. 

“Yeah!” you say. “I mean, sure you’re prickly, but there’s a goodness to you that’s really obvious if you look.” 

Goodness. What a strange word to use to describe someone. Kei thinks that if there’s any goodness in him, if there’s anything that hasn’t been tainted by his parents’ sour personalities, it’s from Akiteru. Kei likes to believe that whatever good he got was from him. No matter how strained his relationship with him might be now, Kei is certain of that. 

“That’s a relief,” he admits in a flat tone. 

After a long pause, he speaks again. “Thanks.” 

“For what?” You laugh. 

“Bearing with me… and with them,” he says. “Couldn’t have been easy.” 

“It was easy,” you say. “Because I wanted to meet them. And I care about you.” 

Kei feels color rise to his cheeks. He turns to look in the sideview mirrors as he pulls the car into a parking spot in his apartment complex’s garage. 

“You say that stuff so easily,” he huffs. 

“What? That I care about you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I do,” you laugh a little.

Kei’s face grows hotter and he distracts himself by putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition. 

“Me too,” he says quietly, waiting for you to catch up so that he can take your hand in his. “Sorry that I don’t say it a lot.” 

“Not to be rude,” you say, “but even if you never said it at all, it would be obvious. You’re kind of a sucker.” 

Kei supposes that that’s true and he gives a small laugh before nudging your shoulder with his. The parking garage is humid and stuffy, but he holds your hand in it anyway. 

—

You’re half asleep in bed beside him and your breathing comes in even sweeps the way it does just before you fall asleep. Kei listens to it for a moment, admiring the sound of it and the way your chest feels expanding against his. 

He thinks about dinner, about how good it feels to have introduced you. How real it makes this relationship feel despite the uneasiness surrounding his familial situation. Kei thinks about his parents. He thinks about their inability to be good for each other. He thinks about the worst of them, something he’s familiar with, before thinking about the best of them. Kei imagines the way their faces looked at dinner, talking about the children they’re raising properly. They’re good people, they just made each other bad. Molecular shifts that changed them for the worst. The notebook theory in its most frightening form. But they were good too. 

Kei thinks about loving you. His reluctance to do so originally isn’t quite beyond him yet. He’s unsure, in fact, if he’ll ever really get past the fear of the fall, the fear of becoming what his parents made each other. But he also thinks about his promise to love you for real. Love is not something that Kei does. He knows now that it's something that happens to him, like it happened to his parents. They loved each other once, even if it made them so blind that they couldn’t see just how bad it made them. 

Kei still resents the fact that he was born to fix a marriage that never would have worked in the first place. He resents being a fix rather than a gift, but at the very least, his existence is proof that his parents cared enough about their family to try. Even if it was misguided, at least they tried even a little. 

In the quiet after of an emotionally charged evening, loving you seems like an easier task for him now. It’s not hard to love you. What’s hard, Kei thinks, is not hurting you. He carries a lot of baggage that, for a long while, felt like too much. Kei thinks he can manage if it’s for you. He’ll bear the brunt of it. He’ll put in the work. 

Yes, Kei is his parents’ son, but he’s also Tadashi’s friend, Akiteru’s brother, the person who loves you. He doesn’t live in the house with a bin full of shards and no glassware anymore. 

“Are you awake?” He whispers across the pillow. 

“Mhm,” you hum, pushing your cheek into his arm.

“Let’s move in together,” he says. 

You tense against him and slowly attempt to blink away sleep. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he responds. “I want to live with you.” 

“Okay then,” you smile a little. “Let’s do it.” 

—

In the fall, when his lease with Tadashi ends and his friend gives him a tearful, yet somewhat silly goodbye, Kei moves into your new shared apartment. Two small rooms in a modest part of town, a shared kitchen and living room, one bathroom, a mismatch of furniture from both of your old places, and an empty fridge. The first night is spent eating take out on the floor with you in front of a TV with no proper stand. Kei has never been happier. 

And in the morning, when the sun comes through the slats of his window, broken up into gentle dots by the orange-leaved trees outside, Kei rises slowly. He rises gently. Kei doesn’t want to wake you, not before he’s made breakfast. He pads out to the kitchen, where boxes are strewn about, half unpacked, and grabs the little brown notebook from the box it’s been temporarily living in. In it, he writes a grocery list full of the things you like. It’s a good enough reason, a good enough change. 

The notebook theory. 

[cottonlemonade]

Masterlist

divider by me 🐠

🌟 Note, all works are x chubby!Reader 🌟

about me

Karasuno

characters written so far: > Sawamura Daichi > Sugawara Koushi > Hinata Shoyo > Kageyama Tobio > Tsukishima Kei > Ennoshita Chikara > Tsukishima Akiteru > Azumane Asahi

Nekoma

characters written so far: > Kuroo Tetsuro > Kozume Kenma > Inuoka So

Fukurodani

characters written so far: > Bokuto Kotarou > Akaashi Keiji

Aoba Johsai

characters written so far: > Oikawa Tooru > Iwaizumi Hajime > Hanamaki Takahiro > Matsukawa Issei

Inarizaki

characters written so far: > Kita Shinsuke > Miya Osamu > Miya Atsumu > Suna Rintaro > Oomimi Ren

Shiratorizawa

characters written so far: > Ushijima Wakatoshi > Tendou Satori > Semi Eita

Date Tech

characters written so far: > Futakuchi Kenji > Koganegawa Kanji > Aone Takanobu

Kamomedai

characters written so far: > Hirugami Sachiro > Hoshiumi Korai

Itachiyama

characters written so far: > Sakusa Kyoomi > Komori Motoya

Miscellaneous

🫧 Meian, a wife guy [drabble]

Multi-Character Stories

🫧 When He Realizes You Are The One [drabble]

characters: Bokuto, Tendou, Kuroo, Atsumu, Oikawa, Noya, Sugawara, Makki, Daichi, your fave 🫧 IKEA Assembling Chaos [drabble]

characters: Kuroo, Bokuto, Atsumu, Futakuchi, Mattsun, Makki, Noya, Tendou, Oikawa, Ukai, Konoha, Suna, your fave

🍡 The Health Benefits Of Period Sex [drabble]

characters: Tendou, Kuroo, Makki, Mattsun, Futakuchi, Atsumu, Osamu, Suna, Konoha, Noya, Oikawa, your fave

🍡 Chub Rub [drabble]

characters: Tendou, Kuroo, Futakuchi, Konoha, Noya, Sugawara, Atsumu, Osamu, Mattsun, Iwaizumi, Hoshiumi, Suna, Yaku, your fave

🫧 Watching The Great British Bake Off [reaction]

characters: Sugawara, Bokuto, Hinata, Yamaguchi, Aone, Asahi, Tendou, Kita, Kuroo, Ennoshita, Akaashi, Koganegawa, Makki, Hirugami, Kageyama, Aran, Goshiki, Semi, Kenma, Futakuchi, Noya, Konoha, Iwaizumi, Tsukishima, Hoshiumi, Suna, Shirabu, Daichi, Ushijima, Mattsun, Osamu, Atsumu, Hoshiumi, Hinata, Bokuto, Oikawa, Yaku, Sakusa, Inuoka

🫧 Teaching You How To Ride A Bike [drabble]

characters: Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Noya, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Ennoshita, Kita, Aran, Atsumu, Osamu, Suna, Oomimi, your fave

🍡 A Risky Game [drabble]

characters: Bokuto, Atsumu, Osamu, Noya, Kuroo, Futakuchi, Konoha, Sugawara, Mattsun, Makki, Tendou, Semi, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Post-time skip Hinata, Ukai, Suna, Hoshiumi, Yaku, Hirugami, Daichi, your fave

🫧 Hand Warmers [drabble]

characters: Tendou, Atsumu, Osamu, Suga, Noya, Komori, lowkey Tsukki, Hinata, Ushijima, Kenma, Suna, Hoshiumi, Hirugami, Yaku, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Futakuchi, Bokuto, Kuroo, Kageyama, Mattsun, Makki, Semi, Konoha your fave

🫧 fluff // 🌱 comfort // 🍡 suggestive // 🪭 spice // 🌧️ angst/hurt // 🍋|☕️|🍱 request

request events

01 [closed] 🍋 Lemonade Stand (100 followers)

02 [closed] 🍋 Lemonade Stand (spring)

03 [closed] ☕️ Cozy Café (300 followers)

04 [closed] 🍱 Lunch Break (400 followers)

05 [closed] 🍋 Lemonade Stand (summer)

[literallykenmaandshoyo]

Type Of Boyfriend They Are

Karasuno x Gender Neutral!Reader Headcanons

Warnings: Language. That's pretty much it.

Author's Note: I've been having a pretty heavy case of writer's block especially with a lot of things going on in my life right now. My mental health is a bit unstable, but I had this idea written down in my list of writing ideas and thought that it was so cute. I hope you all enjoy, and I'll probably make headcanons for the rest of the schools too!

Hope you all enjoy and I hope that you all are doing well <3

~Mod Shoyo <3

-Kageyama, Shoyo, Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Daichi, Asahi, Sugawara, Tanaka, Noya

Kageyama Tobio:

He’s very stand-offish when the two of you first meet

“uh… can I help you?”

Once the two of you get to know each other though, you find out that he’s actually a closeted crackhead under that harsh exterior he has

After dating for a couple of months, he’s very comfortable with you and loves spending time with you

QUALITY TIME AND GIFT GIVING BOYFRIEND.

Whether you like volleyball or not, he’s asking you to help him practice, come to his games, come to his practice matches, he wants you to be there for EVERYTHING

If you manage to show your support by making him a sign or putting his number on your cheeks at one of his games??????

He definitely will deny it, but he absolutely adores it.

“You should do this more often, it was sweet.”

Shoyo teases you guys all the time and says that you’re the only one that brings out the rational side of Tobio

That will normally end with Shoyo getting hurt somehow, no matter how much you tell Kageyama to leave him alone

You still love him though <3

Hinata Shoyo:

OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

The absolute biggest ball of sunshine ever

Golden. Retriever. Boyfriend. 

He’s very heavy on physical touch and quality time

No matter what you’re doing, Shoyo always wants to be there just to see what you’re doing

“Ooh whatcha up to lovey?”

He’s like a lap dog. He will lay his head in your lap just so he can stare up at you while you’re doing whatever you’re doing

Whenever you show up to his games he gets SO NERVOUS???? Like his stomach issues multiply by a hundred because you’re literally in the stands to watch HIM.

In the end, he always tries his best because he wants you to be so proud of him and enjoy watching him play!!

Everyone on the team loves you, you’re literally the only person that can make Shoyo shut up for more than five minutes because he just LOVES to admire you and appreciate how perfect you are.

“You’re so gorgeous… we should like… kiss or something.”

He’s so affectionate it’s too cute.

Yamaguchi Tadashi:

Tadashi just loves when you’re being you.

He’s always sneaking glances at you and just thinking about how soft your features are and how lucky he is to have bagged someone like you.

GIFT GIVING. GIFT GIVING. GIFT GIVING.

“Hey love, I found this super cute keychain while I was at the store with Tsuki the other day and it reminded me of you!”

“I remember you saying that this was your favorite and they only had one left, so I had to get it before someone else that wasn’t you did!”

He’s just so thoughtful. He always remembers the little things.

The very first day you kissed him? He celebrates it every year by giving you a million smooches.

You only like one very specific flavor of ice cream? He will never ever give you a different flavor and goes to multiple stores if he has to when they don’t have it

He isn’t the biggest with PDA, but he will most definitely hold your hand and kiss your cheek, forehead, or your hand.

He just gets a little shy when he’s out in public with you, but only because he doesn’t want other people looking at you and thinking that they have a chance with you.

He’s so non-confrontational, but if push comes to shove, he’ll make sure that everyone knows you’re his.

He just loves you so much and he’s so glad that you’re his. Forever. <3

Kei Tsukishima:

HE’S SO SARCASTIC IT’S ANNOYING.

Likes to play this game in public where he acts like he isn’t your boyfriend

“Excuse me, do I know you?”

HE LITERALLY HELD HANDS WITH YOU WALKING INTO THE STORE?!?!??!

You can be sarcastic too, so he’s just glad that you can take jokes and rip on his teammates or randos in the street

This dude has such a killer resting bitch face when he notices people eyeing you.

Noya tested his luck flirting with you one time and, despite Noya being his upperclassman, Tsuki almost killed him with just one look

He secretly loves how much you fuss over him.

“Babe, your glasses are so DIRTY. Here let me clean them before you run into something,”

He literally stopped the habit of cleaning his lenses because you’ll just take them and clean them for him

He loves watching you fog the lenses up with your breath and wipe them with the microfiber cloth that came in his case

Even if you only look like a big blur of colors to him and you’re all blurry <3

Tanaka Ryuunosuke:

The most respectful yet horny boyfriend at the same time

“What the hell do you mean that guy cat called you?”

He says as his hand is resting on your ass, giving it an occasional squeeze from time to time.

Very overprotective, but not in an overbearing way

Despite how loud and chaotic he may be (especially when he’s with Noya) he always picks up on your small cues and knows when you’re uncomfy or feeling a little out of place

He loves to bring you up at all times

“You know that’s crazy, because my baby loves to eat meat buns and can easily smash like seven of them in one sitting. *sigh* I’m so in love.”

Daichi literally just told him what he ate for lunch today when Tanaka asked.

PDA is his JAM.

Always has a hand somewhere on you and loves how you just nuzzle into his touch whenever he’s with you

It’s everything he’s ever wanted in life and he’s so stoked that he finally has it

His favorite place is your ass though. It’s easy access and it’s very soft and comfy in his palm

Nishinoya Yuu:

SOMEONE SEDATE HIM HE’S SO ENERGETIC

The type of boyfriend to annoy you and push your buttons all day and then just lay a million kisses all over your face at the end of the day as he tells you how much he loves you

He’s so hyped up to do anything with you

He’s definitely the type to enjoy running errands with you because he pretends that you’re married already and that these errands are just married couple tingz

He loves to embarrass you in public

Yall will be at a store while you’re just looking at clothes and trying to find some new outfits before he starts yelling as loud as he can so that people from five aisles down can hear him

“OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T STEAL THAT SHIRT BABE, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!”

You literally walk away and act like you don’t know him for the rest of the day

Nonetheless, he’s so appreciative of you and makes sure you know how much he loves you

The second that you first announced to the team that you were dating, you could’ve sworn you saw tears of joy falling from Kiyoko’s eyes

You keep him grounded and always help bring him out of the dark places his mind goes to when he messes up during games

Hearing you tell him how good of a libero he is and how amazing he is always snaps him out of things. He’d be a wreck without you

Daichi Sawamura:

The most caring boyfriend ever literally what the fuck-

He worries about your well-being all the time and isn’t afraid to show how much he cares about you no matter where you guys are

Sure, he’ll scold you for being clumsy and tripping in the gym, but also?

“Why the hell did they wax the floors before we started practicing? We’re just gonna dirty them again anyways?”

He’s such a passionate lover

“Hey, you look like you’ve got a lot on your mind. What can I do to fix that?”

SO MATURE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

He’s so good with communicating his feelings to you and wants you to know whatever’s going on with him and reassure you no matter what

Absolutely adores pressing kisses to your temples. He loves how you just stare into his eyes with the biggest smile ever and can see your pupils shift into hearts every time he does it

The two of you just make so much sense being together? Match made in heaven type of shit

His very older brother/dad morals have rubbed off on you and now you’re yelling at the boys the same way that he does. 

He always whispers to Suga or Asahi about how proud he is of you while watching you scold someone for being immature 

Asahi Azumane:

The literal definition of Cottage Core

When you hung out with him at his house for the first time, he had so many succulents and well-cared for plants

He’s so soft, he just loves you so much

He loves when you give him scalp massages after taking his bun down

Whenever you go to his house after practice, he’ll shower and have you wash his hair for him because he can’t relieve the tension he feels on his head like you do

He writes you love letters and leaves them in such random places for you to find

“Hey honey, did you leave a letter in my bento box? When I opened it, it had a little bit of curry sauce on it.”

He just blushes and giggles slightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

Loves to call you the cringiest/cutest pet names ever.

Honey pie, sweetums, sugar plum…

You giggle every time he says it out loud because his teammates can’t help but make fun of him whenever they hear it

They’re so cringe coming out of anyone else’s mouth. Not his though <3

Sugawara Koushi:

You will never ever catch Suga smelling bad.

Even after practice, you can’t smell that musty stench of sweat on him because it’s masked by all the deodorant he puts on.

MOST DEFINITELY smells like a bath and body works scent. It changes depending on the season and he loves smelling good according to the season

“Suga, is that… champagne toast?”

You bet your sweet ass it is.

Suga gives the most heartfelt and warm hugs in the world, it’s like hugging a warm blanket.

He’s so loving and it shows in all of his words and actions.

“Aww darling, let me wipe your nose. I told you it was going to be cold and to wear a thicker sweater when we talked on the phone this morning,”

When he says stuff like that his face is literally just >:(

His kisses are so soft. He loves to kiss your nose because of the way it scrunches up after his lips leave

“Do you not like my kisses?” Smooch. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Mwuah. “I won’t stop until you accept my kisses.”

You just keep scrunching it because you love when he kisses you. He knows that, he just loves to make it a little fake argument between you two <3

[solarecliipse]

heaven help us !

kei tsukishima x reader

it’s not unusual to catch kei looking at you, his gaze lingering just a second too long before he turns away, pretending to be absorbed in his phone. it’s almost funny, how you both play this game—this ridiculous, never-ending dance of almosts. almost touching, almost speaking, almost… something more.

the next time you see kei that day, he’s sitting with yamaguchi, hinata and kageyama, laughing at a joke you can’t hear, probably something he’s making fun of the orange-haired boy, by his expression, but you notice how his laughter fades when he glances your way, and your heart does that stupid fluttering thing it always does when you think about him, and you hate how obvious it must be to everyone around.

everyone knows he feels the same. you can see it in the way his eyes soften when they meet yours, in the way he lingers just a little longer when you pass each other in the hallway. but you’re both too stubborn—or maybe too scared—to do anything about it.

you imagine what it would be like to just walk over, to say something simple like, "hey, do you want to grab coffee?" it’s not that hard, really, until you think about what could go wrong. what if he laughs it off, or worse, what if he says yes, and then everything changes? the thought terrifies you more than the silence ever could.

so instead, you’ll let the moment slip away again, retreating into the comfort of distance and daydreams. he’s close enough to touch, but miles away in every other sense that matters, and you’re both content to leave it that way, at least for now.

maybe tomorrow, one of you will be brave enough to shatter the fragile balance that’s been built, or maybe you’ll keep pretending, too proud or too scared to admit what everyone else has already figured out.

i just started school again, so i’m really excited, i think i’m way more productive with everything when i’m on school periods. anyways wrote this short thing and wanted to see how it did. hope you enjoyed it and i’m sorry for any errors!

[accioscarheadthings]

hello! can I req Drabble where hq characters comfort reader insome way by shushing them. like ‘shh sweetie shh shh’ 🫠🫠🫠 i just think it’s super intimate and reassuring.

take care of yourself :)

ohh yess i love this<3 thank you sm my love, hope you enjoyy

↳ 𝗦𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝘀 - 𝗛𝗮𝗶𝗸𝘆𝘂𝘂! 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺! 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

haikyuu x fem!reader

summary - you have a bad day and you come home in a sour mood, resulting in you snapping at your innocent boyfriend

warnings - hurt-comfort, self-deprecating thoughts, fluff, timeskip!characters

featuring characters — YAMAGUCHI, ASAHI, SUGAWARA, DAICHI, IWAIZUMI, OSAMU, AKAASHI, YAKU, KITA

main masterlist !

you were having a tough day.

it all started when you realized you were running late for work and you had spilled coffee on your shirt, making you change into another before you left. your car wouldn't start, leaving you late for your first meeting.

as the day went on, it seemed like every minuscule thing opposed you. your phone died in the middle of an important call, and you received multiple emails from coworkers with urgent requests.

but just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, your boss took the time to reprimand you for your performance, adding to your stress and frustration.

the traffic was dreadful, adding to your stress and making you late for your lunch appointment.

and to top it all off, the weather turned bad and your clothes got ruined, worsening your already bad mood.

by the time you reached home, you were feeling fed up and exhausted, the weight of the day's events bearing down on you.

all you wanted was a hot shower and a good night's sleep, you didn't even have the energy to change into your sleep clothes.

as you crawled into bed, feeling utterly spent and frustrated, you couldn't help but feel that the universe was conspiring against you today.

you heard the front door click open and shut, indicating that your boyfriend that just got home.

he found you in the bedroom where you had sat up to greet him.

with a hasty kiss on your forehead, he immediately asked if dinner was ready. he had been working late and was clearly eager to get something to eat.

you felt instantly overwhelmed, the added pressure of having to cook for your boyfriend after a bad day was too much to bare.

you felt your frustration and anger welling up inside you, the exhaustion and stress of the day reaching a snapping point.

with a quick breath, you snapped at your boyfriend, lashing out at him, "seriously? after the day I've had, you're going to come home and ask me to cook?"

poor thing. he mouthed cluelessly like a goldfish under the water, "i thought you said you were gonna make dinner tonight so-"

"so?!" you seethed, clenching your fists at your side, "so what? do you even care how my day went?"

"of course i care. i just-"

"no, you clearly don't! i've had a terrible day, and the last thing i want to do is cook dinner for you!"

he raised his hands at his sides, speaking cautiously, "i didn't mean to upset you, i just wanted to know if we were going to eat-"

"well, you did upset me! and the answer is no! i'm not cooking dinner, i'm too tired and sick with everything that's happened today!"

you ducked your face away from your boyfriend, covering it with your trembling hands. your shoulders shook as you tried to suppress the tears of frustration and exhaustion that threatened to fall.

your boyfriend was clearly taken aback by your burst of emotions, his own expression turning from surprise to concern.

"i'm sorry," you whimpered, pressing the heels of your palms to your teary eyes, "please go," you muttered, your voice thick with emotion. "just leave me alone. i'm not in the mood to talk right now,"

"baby," he said, his voice gentle as he approached you, "i didn't mean to-"

"just stop, okay?" you cut him off, your voice wavering as you spoke, "I don't want to talk about it, I just want to be alone for a while. please," you added desperately.

your boyfriend hesitated, his heart tugging when he heard your voice crack. he saw the pain and frustration etched onto your face and knew that he had unintentionally added to your already bad mood.

the room fell silent, the only sound being your ragged breathing as you struggled to keep your emotions in check.

your boyfriend finally broke the silence, his voice soft as he spoke, "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to make things worse,"

you shook your head, your own guilt and remorse bubbling up inside you, "no, i'm the one who's sorry," you said, hiccuping a bit, "i shouldn't have taken my bad mood out on you, you didn't deserve it."

your boyfriend stepped closer, gently wrapping his arms around you. he pulled you into a firm embrace, holding you close as he comforted you, "shh, shh, darling," he murmured into your hair, "it's okay, let it out."

he kissed your forehead, his lips lingering softly on your skin. he moved to your cheeks, kissing them gently as he continues to hold you,

you pulled back with a gasp, shaking your head in a sob. but he kept sneaking kisses to your mouth, trying to soothe your distress.

you fisted the material of his shirt, your chest heaving, "i'm so sorry," he kissed your lips once, "i shouldn't have," he kissed you again, "i don't what got into me,"

your boyfriend continued to make soft shushing noises, his hand gently stroking your back as he tried to calm you down.

"shhh, it's alright," he soothed, his voice warm and comforting. "you don't have to worry about anything right now. just focus on us. i'm here for you,"

he continued to whisper reassurances, his embrace strong and supportive as he held you close.

"i'm not going anywhere, i promise," he murmured, his voice soft and calm, "no matter what, i'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

he continued to shower you with gentle touches, his hand caressing your head, cheeks, and neck, while his lips brushed against your face, spreading kisses. his shushing noises continued, the sound a comforting presence in your ear.

tears continued to flow from your eyes as you soaked in his comfort and affection, feeling the weight of your bad day slowly lift from your shoulders.

"i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry," you buried your face into his muscular chest, your tears staining his shirt.

"shhhh," he hushed, his voice soft and consoling, "it's okay, honey, I know you're sorry. I'm not mad at you, i never was. i can never be mad at you,"

you pressed your face into his chest, "nono," you shook your head, "you should be. you didn't mean any harm. why aren't you mad at me?" you rested your chin on his chest, blinking up at him.

"you were having a rough day, and you didn't mean to snap at me. i understand that," he smooched you between your eyebrows, "because I love you," he said simply, "i know that you didn't mean to lash out at me, you were just stressed out,"

his grip on you tightened slightly, his fingers rubbing circles on your back.

"no, baby," you dragged the word, still not able to comprehend that he wasn't mad at your attitude.

"yes, sweetheart," he replied, his voice firm but gentle, "i do love you, and i'm not going to get mad at you for having a bad day,"

he tilted your chin up, forcing you to look at him. his eyes were soft and full of love as he held your gaze.

"but," he continued, his tone firm yet caring, "you need to promise me one thing, okay? promise me that you'll tell me when you're feeling stressed or upset, so i can be here for you."

your sobs had subsided as you looked up at him with glazed eyes, tears clinging to your lash line. your lips in a pouty whimper you nodded, chin nudging against his chest, "i promise,"

"mm, that's my good girl," he murmured, his eyes softening as he watched your pouty expression.

he gently traced your bottom lip with his thumb, his touch tender and soft. "i just want to be there for you, sweetheart. you don't have to carry your burdens alone."

"m'kay,"

he noticed the slight quiver in your lips and the way your pout trembled. it was clear to him just how emotional you were feeling in that moment.

he couldn't help but slot his lips against your pout, kissing away your tears.

he pulled you closer, bringing you into his embrace once more, wrapping his arms around you protectively.

"thank you," you rested your cheek on him, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

"'s alright, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice soft as he held you against him.

he gently stroked your back, "remember, I'm always here for you, no matter what. and i'll always love you, no matter how many bad days you have,"

he began to rock gently from one foot to the other, swaying back and forth in a pacifying motion. his head was resting on top of yours, his chin nestled against your hair.

the repetitive motion of his gentle swaying was calming, and the warmth of his embrace was comforting.

he could feel you relax in his arms as you closed your eyes, your body molding against his. he continued to rock gently, his body moving in a slow, benign rhythm.

"that's it," he whispered, his voice low and gentle in your ear, "i've got you. i'm right here,"

he could feel the tension gradually leaving your body as you surrendered to his embrace, letting go of the stress and frustration of the day's events.

you pulled back to look at him, your arms wound around his middle, "what about dinner though?"

he chuckled softly, the vibration of his rumbling through his chest. he pulled back slightly, his hands still gently holding your shoulders as he looked down at you with a gentle smile, "you focus on taking some deep breaths and unwinding, okay? i'll take care of dinner."

"stay for a bit," you tensed your arms around him, tightening your grip, eyes pleading, "please?"

he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling you on top of him in such a way that your body was slung across his lap, "then tell me about your day," he gazed up at you in adoration, "'cause i'm here to listen. and i mean, tell me everything,"

[m3l0nfl0at]

three words, eight letters

tsukishima kei x gn!reader ; childhood bsf to acquaintances, angst, minimal fluff, no y/n used, first person pov, 2.4k words

summary: tsukishima and you have been friends since childhood, so why does he start acting weird in junior high? Will you guys be able to work out your friendship amongst the misunderstandings? a.k.a tsukishima being an ass and reader yearning for friendship.

melon’s recommended melody: lowlife - jenna pemkowski

Meeting Tsukishima when you were six was very intimidating. People like to think that Tsukishima turned snarky after some tragic incident but unfortunately, he was probably born that way. When your parents discovered that your neighbors had a kid your age they automatically wanted you guys to meet. Your parents practically forced Tsukishima and you to get close to each other. Your first impression of each other was that you were both very reserved, you both liked to have your own safe spaces and you think that was what connected you guys. It wasn’t until you both turned eight that he started to get used to your presence. However, you couldn’t tell if he enjoyed being in your proximity or if he was forced to be near you. Then Yamaguchi came into the picture and it was clear, that he was that unenthusiastic with everyone he just met. You never really knew what Tsukishima thought of you before that day he showed up at your door unannounced. “Tsukishima is downstairs and he says he’s looking for you?” Your mother tells you. You both exchange a pair of confused looks as it is usually you heading over to Tsukishima’s. Heading down you start wondering why Tsukishima would need to talk to you this late at night. Reaching the front porch you see Tsukishima with his head resting on his knees looking defeated and betrayed. “Did you fight with Yamaguchi? You never come to me?” Tsukishima didn’t respond but he didn’t need to, you filled the silence for him. You went on to talk about your day in hopes he would open up about why he came to you, it’s not like he needed to. It wasn’t till you started ranting about the convenience store running out of your favorite drink that he spoke. “My brother lied to me about being on the Volleyball team. He’s no ace, just a liar.” You didn’t know Akiteru because you just presumed that he was an older, even more intimidating Tsukishima. Nevertheless, you knew Tsukishima admired Akiteru to an unreachable standard. Akiteru was why Tsukishima loved Volleyball so much, seeing him succeed in the sport filled Tsukishima with so much pride and hope. Knowing this you knew there was nothing you could say to Tsukishima that would make him feel better. So you opted to stay silent, knowing he just needed your presence more than words. That day you realized Tsukishima found solace in the safe space that you and him created.

After that night, you saw Tsukishima in a different light. No longer was he viewed as the reserved snarky boy you were once forced to meet but the boy who showed you a side of vulnerability and opened up to you. What once was uncertainty in your friendship with Tsukishima was now replaced with an unspoken bond forming between you two. This bond was very beloved to you, you both came to each other in times of need. No words had to be exchanged but that’s how you guys liked it, simple and comforting. It all came to a halt in Junior High when people started labeling you guys as a “couple”. One thing Tsukishima hated more than hot-headed people, is gossip. This gossip never really affected you at all, it was all baseless. You knew Tsukishima and you held no romantic feelings towards each other. Yet, for Tsukishima it felt as if he internalized this gossip and slowly felt it fill every crevice of his mind. Every time you wanted to walk home with him he always had practice with Yamaguchi. He never glared at you in class unless you were speaking, he always answered your questions with short responses, and worst of all he started hanging out with only Yamaguchi, ignoring you completely. You knew at this rate you would either have to confront the problem or just let your bond with Tsukishima slip from your fingers. Even though you knew which of the two options was the easiest, you knew your friendship with Tsukishima was worth standing by. If you confront the problem then tomorrow you guys can move forward together and it’ll go back to the way it used to be, right? So why are you in your room crying by yourself instead of on your porch? Tsukishima Kei, that’s why.

Before Tsukishima could find another excuse to avoid you, you went out to find him. You felt that luck was on your side due to Tsukishima being by himself at the vending machine. You tap his shoulder to see him turn around surprised. “Oh, what are you doing here, don’t you usually leave early to practice?” You noticed Tsukishima couldn’t look you in the eyes as you were speaking, it’s as if he would be scorched if he was anywhere near you. “Well, I came to talk to you. You’ve been so distant lately ever since we started junior high, I miss coming to your house. I miss-“ “I can’t talk, I have to meet Yamaguchi for Volleyball practice.” You stand there shocked, as Tsukishima starts walking off as if nothing you said mattered to him. “Are you going to keep ignoring me? Are you going to keep ditching me for Yamaguchi? When are you going to drop your pride and talk to me? You don’t look at me, you can’t even speak to me properly, what did I do to deserve this?” Your tone rising, Tsukishima freezes in his spot. “Tch, people grow apart. We don’t need to be together all the time, we’re just neighbors. I’m forced to see you outside my house every day, can’t you separate from me at school?” Your heart drops, what happened to the Tsukishima that was always on your front porch? Where is he now and why was he ashamed to be near you? “Are you joking? We’re just neighbors? You don’t even consider me a friend? After all those times you came to-“ “If it makes you feel better I don’t even consider Yamaguchi my friend, I don’t need friends. We’re here to go to school, not be in a popularity contest.” “Why are you running away? Why are you suddenly putting up these walls between us? Sure you don’t need friends but I want to be your friend, doesn’t that stand for anything?” Tsukishima gives you one more glance before he takes off and says “I don’t want to be your friend, I never wanted to be your friend. I was forced by my mom to be your friend. Find someone else to fill that role.”

“I hate him. I’m not joking Yachi, I seriously hate him and now I have to be stuck in a class with him. I’m in eternal punishment, not to mention Yamaguchi is with him. It’s going to be so awkward!” “Well if you want to escape, you can go have lunch with me?” “You know what, I’ll take that offer and also extend it for the rest of the year, you’ll be my new lunch buddy Yachi.” Yachi silently nods and waves as you start walking the opposite direction towards your neighborhood. You knew going to the same high school as Tsukishima was your only option but it wasn’t your favorite. If it were up to you, you’d have gone to Shiratorizawa. It would’ve taken a long time to get there but it’d beat seeing Tsukishima’s face every day. It was only the first day when you walked into your classroom to be greeted by the boy you once thought was your friend. As if on queue, Yamaguchi popped up behind him as they both spared you a glance. While Yamaguchi’s glance looked more apologetic than anything, Tsukishima’s was emotionless. His glance angered you more than anything but it also validated your hate for him. It ripped open the scar that you thought was once healed and threw salt on it. His glance to some might look like nothing but to you it was laced with disinterest, that’s what piqued your anger. Disinterest is not what you should see in your ex-friends’ eyes, it should be reminiscent. Their gaze should hold the warmth and friendliness of what once was. It doesn’t matter, who were you to even say that Tsukishima and you were ex-friends, more like ex-acquaintances? You suppose an acquaintance would treat you better than the way he is treating you. His glance shows that you were nothing more than a burden, nothing more than a chore, you name dead weight that’s how Tsukishima would describe you. Maybe it wasn’t too late to convince your parents if you could switch high schools, your mom was a Shiratorizawa alumnus anyway. The next day, You were supposed to leave your house ten minutes earlier than you used to in junior high to prevent bumping into Tsukishima on your walk to school. However, the universe just loves to reward you with spectacular bad luck, as you wake up late on your second day. Due to you not leaving ten minutes early, you walk out the door to see Yamaguchi waiting by the Tsukishima residence. As you awkwardly wave to him, you notice he peeks to the left of you and suddenly goes stiff. Tsukishima lingers to the left of you, not really sparing you a glance and only paying attention to the green-haired boy in front of him. Doomed with the hands of fate you realize you have to keep three paces behind the pairing with headphones to drown out their current conversation. It isn’t until a hand pokes your shoulder that you realize Yamaguchi has been trying to speak to you the whole walk. You hang your headphones by your neck not bothering to pause your music just in case you need to place them back on. “I saw you in class yesterday, why didn’t you come sit next to us during lunch period?” Yamaguchi fills the dreadful silence plaguing the air. “Oh, I have another friend in a different class who invited me to eat with them, I didn’t want to bother you guys.” After you finish your sentence you hear a similar sound you heard when you argued with Tsukishima three years ago, the sound of him smacking his lips. You looked to the left of you to see Tsukishima putting on his headphones. It was then you remembered where you suddenly were, this wasn’t junior high, and these guys weren’t your friends. “Thanks for thinking of me Yama. I’ll see you in class, I forgot I need to give my friend back their English notes!” With that you decide to start speed walking to class, you didn’t need Tsukishima, you didn’t need him wondering where you were, and you definitely didn’t need him to know he still affected you after all these years.

Yachi and you met up for lunch hoping to go about your day with minimal contact between Tsukishima and yourself. Yet, as you left for Yachi’s class you couldn’t help but overhear Yamaguchi asking Tsukishima about the morning. “Tsukki, you were kind of distant in the morning. Was it because I invited them into our conversation?” “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Before you could hear Yamaguchi apologize you left, what else did you need to hear? Even though you left to Yachi’s class you couldn’t ignore the sour feeling in your heart, it’s one thing to hate you but it’s another to shun any mention of you. What could you have done to make Tsukishima so ill at any mention of you, did you possibly make fun of him or accidentally hurt his feelings? Yes, you hate Tsukishima but he doesn’t even hate you because hate would acknowledge your existence. He is exiling you out of his life completely, filling the holes in his memory shaped like you. Oh, you hate Tsukishima Kei. You hate him for ever stepping into your life, you hate him for expressing his feelings of betrayal to you, and most of all you hate him for making you feel this way. “Hey, are you okay? I was talking about joining a club but then you started grunting.” Yachi looked like she had just seen a ghost with the way you were fuming. “Sorry, Yachi I need to take rain check!” With that, you bolted to where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were having lunch in your classroom. You spotted the traitor and charged to him, Yamaguchi looked at you and waved but Tsukishima pretended he was lost in his music. You tapped on the desk “Hey, Tsukishima wanna tell me why you’re being a total jerk to me? In the morning, I was able to swallow it but you know what I’m not going to take it anymore. Fine, you think we weren’t friends but to completely try to erase me from your memory and act like I was never there? Are you going to at least apologize to me, do you know how much it sucks to see Yamaguchi acknowledge me when you can’t even spare me a glance?” You knew people were staring but you didn’t care, you demanded an answer from him, why did he think you guys weren’t friends, why was it so easy for him to throw away your friendship? “What did I ever do to you? Ever since junior high you just acted distant and then threw our friendship away! Why was it so easy for you to throw that away?” Tsukishima finally looks at you and gets up to start walking away, leaving everyone in the class to look at you as if you were a crazy attention seeker. With the eyes of everyone on you, you darted out of the classroom to go find Tsukishima. To your surprise he was right outside so when you darted out he grabbed your arm to take you outside. When outside you looked at him questioningly, “Are you going to say anything?” Tsukishima had a look on his face you had never seen. “I have nothing to say to you, I thought you would know better than to cause a scene.” “Well news flash, you don’t know me remember? You said we were never friends?” He lets out a half-hearted chuckle “I did say that didn’t I?” You didn’t know what he was getting at, part of you wanted him to show any type of emotion. Whether it was him screaming that you were being stupid or him to just laugh and say sorry, little did you know he wouldn’t do either. “Let’s keep it that way then.” He walks away leaving you with an even bigger wound. You suddenly felt like you did in junior high, alone and clueless. “I hate you. I hate you Tsukishima.” No one was near you but you didn’t need anyone to hear it, you just needed to hear it yourself.

divider credit to @/anitalenia and @/thecutestgrotto

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ melon's notes: poor yamaguchi just got left behind at tsukki’s desk lol