#yay. jesus fucking christ. anyways.

[t4tstarvingdog]

forgot how homophobic my mom was

[puppyeared]

my stardew farmer ^_^ he doesnt have a green thumb for shit so he keeps animals and does mining

some tidbits i came up with while playing hehe

reclusive and doesnt really go out of his way to talk or visit people unless its an errand. but he also doesnt try to befriend others to get something out of it, so he has a very easygoing approach to making friends. on good terms with linus and sebastian since he runs into them most often.

if he respects or takes a liking to someone, he'll greet them with miss/mister (name). if you get close to him he starts using first name basis. if he doesn't like you, he'll refer to you by your title without using your name. only a few people have caught on to this.

the farm he inherited, Milky Way Farm, was the site of a meteorite crash and sometimes you can find shards of meteor debris littered around the farm (i picked the hilltop farm bc of this lol)

lost his sweater and pants a long ass time ago and doesnt have the time to look for them, so hes been working in his sleep clothes ever since

isnt actually grandpa's real heir to the farm... ;)

[bilestat]

I finally finished totbt

[nagdabbit]

just got a punch to the cunt

[princessbrunette]

all of a sudden, jj suddenly felt severely underdressed in his black muscle tank and cargo shorts. it’s not that he hadn’t been in a strip club before, he’d just never come to see pogue!bunny!reader at her place of work.

you’d left your shoes at the chateau after one of the many infamous pogue parties that you’d been invited to. if it were any other kind of cheap shoes, you’d probably just said forget about it. but for some bizarre reason, you’d worn some of your prettiest shoes that cost you an arm and a leg from the bills thrown your way at the club, so you’d been damned if you let those just get tossed in the trash because guys don’t know the value of things.

jj had actually used it as an excuse to slide into your instagram dms. shooting you a super casual ‘hey, left your shoes at the chateau. want em back?’ to which you responded ‘my hero!!!! <3’ and so on. anyway, the agreement was — he’d bring your shoes to you on your break.

it’s not as grimy on the inside as it is on the outside, but he doesn’t have much time to look around before he’s hearing the slapping of bare feet through the hallway — and suddenly a scantily dressed figure is throwing itself into his arms in the dimly lit space.

“holy— jesus christ.” he catches you anyway, though you can tell he doesn’t know where to put his hands, settling on the fat just beneath your ass. he swore you were put on this earth to tempt him.

“you came!” you smile in that melodic voice, unhardened by your surroundings. hell, he nearly did come.

“well, you called.” he shrugs, trying to be all nonchalant about it. he swings the shiny pink heels around his fingers and you squeal, taking them from him. “yeah— so, uh— if that’s all i could probably just see myself ou—” he juts a thumb towards the exit, going to stuff one hand in his pocket and missing all together as he backs away. he wasn’t sure why he was being so awkward, aside from the fact you were just stood infront of him wearing a tiny little triangle bra and a g string.

“stay!” your brows furrow adorably and it physically pains his chest, infact — he’s pretty sure he had a physical reaction, face screwing up with a wince. how does one tell the girl he’s attracted to that if he stays any longer he will pop a hard on? “s’the least i can do. come watch the show. i can hook you up with wings and some beers for free?” you bat your faux-lashes, the glitter on your cheekbone glowing in the low lighting as you tilt your head sweetly, putting on a show to convince him.

“wings, beer n’ boobs? you’re talkin’ my language young lady.” he smirks, unable to hide his usual ways and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“yay, follow me!” you grip his hand, long acrylics scratching against his wrist and he rolls his lips together, eyes practically following each jiggle of your ass cheek as you walk before he even realises he’s in the main section. you settle him in, a little booth that usually probably occupies pervy businessmen— which really makes the blonde feel out of place. he came alone, and now he was sat here — occupying a booth. what kind of creep comes to watch strippers alone?

he’s about to jump up and make up an excuse to leave in pure embarrassment, but you’re smoothing your hands along his shoulders, batting your lashes and telling him you wish you could stay and chat but you’ve gotta go dance, and that his wings and beer will be coming soon. he blinks at you, under a trance and settles into the worn and suspiciously sticky leather arm chair.

soon you’re up on that stage and he wants to sink into the fucking ground. you’re unbelievably hot, and now it’s like something out of a porno he made in his mind, watching you saunter around the pole, dropping down to the ground and arching your back, shaking the meat of your ass effortlessly as faceless men throw money your way. he had nothing to throw but some receipts and old nickels in his pockets and he didn’t think you’d appreciate that — which didn’t matter anyway, because he was somewhat stuck to his seat.

he lifts his hands to adjust his cap before realising he’s not wearing one, and just as he realises his dick is sitting hot, heavy and hard in his shorts— you’re off stage, bounding over with everything jiggling. lord help him.

he thinks he might die when you clamber confidently onto his lap, straddling him front on.

“so how was it jayj did you like it? i know it’s a lil’ weird seeing me up there, i’m your friend n’all but was the song choice good atleast?” you tilt your head like a befuddled puppy dog before wriggling around— crotch to cock. “oh, nevermind. i can feel that you’re like super hard so i take it that you liked the show!” you smile, like you’d just said the most innocent sentence in the world. jj blinks, lips agape.

“uh— y—no, yeah it was… well, y’know. the body doesn’t lie.” he bucks his hips lightly in gesture before immediately internally questioning why he’d do something so creepy. luckily, you giggle — but he’s not sure if it’s because you liked it or because you’re well trained.

“well, next time you get paid come get a lapdance i’ll fix that problem jayj, even give you a discount.” you let that giggle slip through again, but there’s a breathiness to your tone that feels all too real. his brows jump up, eyes flickering unashamedly to your tits as you lean forward to his ear. “or jus’ get me drunk again next weekend? will probably do it for free ‘cus i like you.” you admit, looking all nervous when you pull back. you just shook your ass on stage, yet jj maybank was making you flustered.

“for sure. yeah uh— can… can definitely do that. yep.” he plays it calm and collected, sees you out with another bone crushing hug against your tits before speed walking to his company truck that he drove over here. his shift was over, so he wasn’t rushing to get back to work. moreso to beat off in the parking lot thinking about pulling that g-string of yours to the side.

[ryotono]

More Upper moons and [Y/N] and quotes and Chaos, curse and whatever the god damnit it's this

Enjoy! :D

[Y/N]: good evening, my only amazing master Muzan, the glorious king of demons

Muzan: what did you do?

[Y/N]: I burned down a city

Muzan: what

[Y/N]: yeah ik I f*cked up but listen-

Muzan: [Y/N] YOUR MISSION WAS NOT EVEN NEAR A CITY, HOW DO YOU BURNT A WHOLE CITY?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

[Y/N]: I will die for you.

Kokushibo: we are demons, in fact we can't just die

[Y/N]: I would take a bullet for you

Kokushibo: It wouldn't affect you

[Y/N]: I WOULD SET MYSELF IN THE SUN FOR YOU

Kokushibo: don't be dumb and kill yourself, you need to serve Muzan

[Y/N]: kokushibo for the glory of akaza tits, pls accept my demonstration of love

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douma: ngl master Muzan, but [Y/N] is your favorite isn't?

Muzan: of course they are, they can f*ck the whole mission? Yeah, but at least THEY COMPLETE THE MISSION, THING NONE OF YOU DO, Y'ALL PIECE OF DOG SHI-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Daki: oh yeah, how did you get rid of that group of slayers?

[Y/N]: well...

Demon slayers: We got you demon, there's nowhere to run!

[Y/N]: Guess have no choice, going to use mine Blood Demon Art...

[Y/N]: SHIMMY YAY SHIMMY YA SWALLA LA LA

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kokushibo introduces Kaigaku to the rest of the upper moons:

Kaigaku: hi

[Y/N]: what the f*ck was that

Kaigaku: It was me, Kaigaku, the new upper moon

[Y/N]: oh, jesus christ! Is that a fucking Gremlin?

kokushibo: [Y/N] no

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Akaza: How are we going to tell Muzan that we failed the mission?

[Y/N]: distracting him!

Akaza: how?

[Y/N]:

Akaza: ?

[Y/N], dancing: tell me, tell me, tell me, you, want me, want me-

Akaza: NO

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After Swordsmith Village Arc events:

Muzan: [Y/N] what do you have there?

[Y/N]: oh, after you sent me to help Gyokko and Hantengu and they failed miserably, I was on my way back and found this doll.

Muzan: doll?

[Y/N]: yeah look! (show Yoriichi Type Zero)

Muzan: FUCK-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Extra!

X: What's your opinion on [Y/N]?

Muzan: just another lazy pig who works for me (you are his favorite child)

Kokushibo: as longs they serve Muzan, I'm fine (he loves you)

Douma: [Y/N]? I love [Y/N]! Even when I can hear they walking inside my walls, threatening me, almost ripping my head of, and giving me nightmares every night, I love them!

Akaza: it's okay ( he loves you too, especially after you beat his ass in a fight)

yes you're strong as hell here love u

Hantengu was crying a lot, so take it as his opinion.

Nakime: PLEM PLEM PLEM sorry (Translation: she likes you, good job!)

Gyokko: That Satan and Lucifer bastard child, always breaks my pretty pots and calls my art bullshit! (bc it's bullshit, anyway, Gyokko doesn't like you since he gifted you a pot, you yelled "YEET" and threw it away)

Daki: [Y/N] is not like these uglies, they have good taste! She is referring to herself (She adores you and would do anything to protect you, but would probably fail and call her brother)

Gyuutaro: meh they cool I guess (Guess what! He loves when you hangout with him and his sister and you ofc)

You three match nail color

Kaigaku: Terrifies me (In fact, he is traumatized because of you)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

More Extra! (Because I think this post is short, and not that funny)

[Y/N] missions be like:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

That's all for today!

Thank you all for interact with my other post about [Y/N] and Upper moon, makes me really happy, love y'all!

Again, sorry for any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language.

Bye ;)

[jacobsbigmelons]

drunken’ fools

Jacob Custos x male reader

nsfw, face fucking, blow jobs, fingering, slight voyeurism, both parties consented, facial, Alcohol consumption.

yay new blog new writing time, and yes what better way to start off my page with the most scandalous fic ever 😏

The sounds of children quickly subsided once they were instructed to return to their cabins and begin to head to bed. You had just returned your batch of kids after showing them your telescope, after all, the kids gotta start on astronomy at some point so why not show them the moon to start? You collapsed your telescope and put the strap around your arm, the kids still slightly ranting to each other about either how boring this was, how much they wanna go to sleep or the occasional few who sounded like they were genuinely interested in what you showed them.

You noticed the rest of the councilors were gathering all the kids in their respected cabins which ranged from last name, you were responsible for the MN/Z kids. Thought what seemed like forever, everyone was finally in their respective cabins as the lights finally dimmed and it was bedtime…for them at least. The councilors of course have their own place to sleep and as adults that means they probably aren’t going to just stay put.

You shared a small cabin with Dylan, though Ryan, Jacob and Nick all had to cram into one somehow just because of ongoing renovations, plus Mr.H said that’s what we’re gonna do so that’s what we’re gonna do. You rested your head on your pillow as you laid on the top bunk of your bed, trying to get a peek through the window but only being able to see the dirt ground from where you were. It felt like an eternity as you were finding just anything to occupy yourself with, anything to help make you fall asleep just milliseconds faster but to your chagrin for what felt like hours…nothing.

You swore you were keeping a mental note of the time though your idea of what time it could be was so wrong. Though there was only one yet risky idea but you just needed to expend this energy somehow. “Dylan…!” you whisper yelled, silence coming from below you. you slightly moved as your foot rested on the wooden ladder as you stepped down only a few steps before calling out again. “Dylan…?” again, no response.

go

quick

you quickly turned yourself around as you descended the ladder and met with the image of Dylan’s back towards you, perfect. You practically slid down the ladder instead of putting any force on the wooden pegs incase they would creak. Though the sound of the floorboards creaking would prove your careful footwork on the ladder fruitless if there was just gonna be noise anyways. You took wide strides as you opened the front door and stepped out quickly, of course shoes were the least of your worries and a pebble getting stuck in ur toes is way more worth it than making all that racket inside.

You remember seeing a dock nearby which could use some company, the nighttime breeze pushing your hair around slightly, it was way better than whatever the silent cabin had to offer. You walked your way down towards what you recalled was the dock, and after what felt like forever of being paranoid someone would catch you and overall frustration of not knowing where the dock was, you finally made your way down the planks and sat as you watched your reflection slightly distort in the water.

“Yo dude what the fuck are you doing out here!?” A familiar voice spoke in the dark of night, you felt your eyebrows jump to the top of your head as your body went cold before you connected who’s voice it was. Jacob. “jesus christ! if you’re gonna come and say hi maybe do it in a less oh I dunno scary way??” You whispered though slightly louder just because of how far the cabins were from you two. “Yeah yeah whatever dude, what’re you doing out here anyways?” you watched as he spoke while making his way down to you, was he holding something? looks kinda big? the lamp next to you illuminated the area enough to see he had brought his beer stash which was probably going to be just for him.

“Couldn’t sleep, cabin was too hot, silent, I could keep going really but I don’t think you want to hear all that. What about you? seems like you were prepared.” You smiled as you let the words leave your mouth, as much as you may hide it, you were practically steaming at the cheeks. But you had a good enough facade to act like you didn’t have a crush on the one councilor who you see the least, and have 0 reason to like.

“Uhh, yeah so- I was originally just gonna drink a bit and like head back but if you want you can join man” You considered his words as he finally sat next to you and offered up one of his beers. Oh how much you despised the taste of it, though that didn’t stop you from drinking it whenever you had a the chance. “So what you were gonna limp back to camp and possibly have a run in with Mr.H and explain how you’re not y’know…drunk?” His mind blanked as he just stared with his mouth open just a bit, “uh…yeah…okay so maybe it isn’t the best plan but cmon it’s better than sleeping or whatever, besides you don’t seem like you wanna go back either so I don’t wanna hear it.”

You took the drink from his hands as you snapped it open, Jacob doing the same process with his own drink. You two talked about your days as the buzz began to make its way around your guys’s bodies. “No dude, some kid or whatever got hit with a football today, Kaitlyn was called like…3 more times because of these kids bro.” That’s right, the supposed to be nurse never did get to show up, you drunkenly raised your eyebrows at the information, you didn’t know Kaitlyn took up the title of Nurse.

Whatever was in these beers, they had to be stronger than whatever you would drink in your spare time that wasn’t at a camp, you’ll have to try and remember what these are called when you get back home. There were already two cans crushed on both Jacobs and your side of where you two were sitting, though at this point you both moved back because falling into the water is the last thing you two needed.

“Yeah…uh, th-that really uh sucks Jake” your words were practically slurring as you felt that numbing sensation go through your body, relief. Wait, when did you two get so close to each other? When did you guys begin to lay down and just stare at the sky? albeit very spread out with Jacobs arm practically using your neck as a resting spot, though your leg used his stomach as a throne. More time passed before some more drunken speech came around. “D-don’t mansplain what stars are dude, You’re talking to th- the one with the telescope here.” You giggled at your statement as he just scoffed, his feeble attempt to jumble what smart words he knew with what little knowledge about stars he had didn’t work.

“Shut- shut up, I act- hic actually know a few things” he spoke trying to keep what pride he has in his drunken state. “Keep that attitude and Harvard will come looking for you.” You pushed his arm off your neck as you tried looking for the beer you didn’t know was already finished off. As you sat yourself up you moved your leg which felt like it was pressed up against something, though you laid your leg on his stomach right? You slowly moved your foot which must’ve slithered its way down to his shorts because there was a very big and visible tent.

“You seem…excited” you stared down at him, your vision practically creating 1 maybe 2 more Jacobs? “Huh? oh, my bad dude, I don’t really know why i’m hard” He laughed it away, genuinely confused as to why he’s pent up. “Yo dude, your dick is pretty hard too” he bluntly spoke, as you quickly tried to see what he was talking about, why would you be hard at a time like- oh.

“Fuck.” Your voices coming to a halt as the situation began to get just a bit awkward, plus discreetly staring at Jacob’s dick and seeing it twitch probably isn’t the best sight for trying to get rid of your hard on. You felt your body shift from a numb peaceful feeling to a hot, lustful feeling. But there was no way in hell, drunk or not you would be courageous enough to ask anything regarding this situation- right?

“Can uh- can I maybe suck you off?” Okay maybe you can. You immediately look down and scratch your neck in embarrassment? Shame? The silence wasn’t reassuring and looking at the gross face probably plastered on Jacobs face was the last thing you wanted to see before making a move. “That’s kinda hot” he said, his hand scratching around his happy trail.

“I mean, uh, are you good at this sorta thing?” Jacob said, trying to divert the attention from his random lustful comment he made. “A mouths a mouth? plus I uh- h-haven’t rrrrealy done it- like a-at all” You said, letting your brain kinda just run on its own, if you were sober you would be kicking yourself for how much is being said. “But you- you do want me to…y’know?” he moved his lip in a manner as if he was thinking before nodding a yes.

You both got up before poorly hiding the beer and throwing the crushed cans in the water, something about this felt like it was happening way too casually but you’re both drunk so the filter is kind of gone so who knows, maybe this is what it’s like to not have to worry about what you have to say to the person you wanna say it to. You both moved the the nearby woods before hearing a slight snap behind you, you looked but god forbid your vision be good enough to see that far.

You kept walking as you found Jacob taking his jersey off as you got to business pretty quickly, you found yourself on your knees as you pulled his shorts off, there was a tiny bit of tension but none the less you found his dick almost basically whip out almost hitting your face. It wasn’t the biggest but it was definitely girthy and that’s just fine. You basically redid what you saw in porn, you tried to take it as far as you could as you heard the whining curses come out of Jacobs mouth.

“Ohhh, fuck fuck…fffffuck dude” he began to thrust in your mouth faster and faster, your gag reflex hanging on by a thread. “Fuck dude your throat feels soooo fucking good” As good as it felt seeing the effect you had on him you did need to breath, you pushed on his thigh though his hand just gripped your hair but he eventually got the picture as he pushed your head off of him. After a few coughs and some seconds to catch your breath you went right back to business “Fuck me while I get you off?” you both were practically heaving, “how am I gonna do that if you got my cock on your mouth?” he looked dumbfounded before you motioned an ‘ok’ sign and pushed your finger in it. It didn’t hit him until a few seconds later.

He sat down in the dirt floor as you went right back to bobbing on his dick, his fingers roaming your ass, the more you moaned the vibrations only made Jacob closer to busting. Though despite how good he made you feel and likewise, you’re loud pleasurable sounds only would get at least a tiny bit of attention. That’s all Dylan needed when he hid in the trees as he saw you two going at it. His face was hot and other parts.

‘this is not what I expected when I applied to be a councilor…’

Jacob was practically shoving you all the way to his base with ever thrust or push of your head. His fingers in you only contributed to the good feeling for both of you. It wasn’t until you were about to get up to breath you felt him shove you off as his now nude body straddled the top part of you as he was moaning way louder than he was just a few minutes ago. (and they were loud)

His cum practically sprayed all over your face and into your mouth before he was heaving right on top of you, you swore you heard rustling from a bush but it could just be an animal, even if it’s not whoever or whatever it was got quite the show. “Oh my fucking god jesus that was the best nut I busted in a minute” Jacob spoke quickly. Your guys’s sobriety began to make its way back to one another as the endorphins gave that rush yet pleasurable feeling.

“let’s…let’s get cleaned up and y’know, maybe try not to be too obvious of what happened.” you shyly spoke as he got off of you, he grabbed his underwear, shorts and jersey before putting them back on. He’ll change when he can but for now the endorphins just need to ware away. Jacob quickly got back to the poorly hidden beer stash as he untimely goes to put it back to wherever a jock brain thinks is a good place. And you need to head back before Dylan or anyone else wakes up. Eventually you two got back to your designated places and you found Dylan back in the same spot as you last saw, alls well as you climb back up to your bunk and fall soundly asleep.

though let’s just say Dylan was in fact not asleep.

[lemonmaid]

Bake Sale

Due to Girl Scout season, (and me buying boxes) I just got an idea, so here yall go! (03. 16. 2023)

'So... hot'

(Name) could only think about how HOT Ramshackle was right now. Thanks to that useless crow of a man, Ramshackle was the only dorm without an AC unit or any type of fan. It's the middle of summer vacation and there is no airflow through the dorm.

"(Name) pleassseee do something about this heat, I think Grim is about to die".

"Wow, I bet you regret skipping Crewl's classes now" chuckled Deuce.

"We are both in summer school, shut up Deuce".

All the mirrors going into the dorms were locked up tight for the summer, leaving all the students who needed to catch up stay in Ramshackle, which was not alot of students.

"Listen guys, if I had the money I would totally buy a unit but I have no money or a job right now".

"UGH" Ace yelled, "why can we just go to the beach or sneak into Savanaclaw's pool!". Ace marched towards the windows and began opening all the ones in the living room.

"Because what teacher will gives us a pass to go relax when you three are supposed to being doing your homework and classwork you missed!". (Name) was getting overwhelmed, they knew they should've taken Leona's or Malleus's offer on staying with either of them during summer break.

"(Nammmmmmeeeeee)" Grim cried, "please do something about this heat", Grim fell to the floor.

"Fine, let me figure something out".

"Yay!!" The three cried.

<>

(Name) walked out the campus kitchen, carrying two buckets of ice with them back to Ramshackle.

'Shit'

The ice was already melting.

'How the hell are we going to live in a magical world and not have any ice magic or spells?'.

As they made their way inside the Dorm they started opening windows, turning on the fans to on the highest settings, on cheap fan on its back with the bucket of ice holding its weight.

'Finally'. (Name) took in the cold breeze that filled the room. Grim came running down the hall putting his fatass in front of the semi broken fan. "Ahhhhhhh finally! Took you way to long henchman".

(Name) rolled their eyes, "Now that's done, I think I'm going to get a sweet treat." The word 'treat' summoned all three braincells.

"What are you gettin".

"Can I have soommme?".

"Can I help?".

'Jesus Christ' (Name) sighed, "I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to bake...."

Ace and Grimm groaned, throwing themselves back onto the "cold" ground.

Deuce looked confused, "I'm sorry perfect, why are you going to bake when it's-"

"Fucking thousands degrees out-" Ace interrupted.

Deuce glared.

"You guys don't have to help with anything, I was kinda of planning on doing this for myself...". (Name) walked away towards the kitchen.

"Nonono, I'll help you perfect!!" Deuce ran after (Name).

(Name) opened the cupboard, 'thin mints orrrrrrrrrr, hmm, wait samoas?'.

(Name) looked over at Deuce, "Deuce, one or two?".

"Um one?"

"Thin mints it is".

♡

Aced let out a moan.

"Damn buddy that's like your 10th one...".

Ace had tears in his eyes,"it's.. so... good".

(Name) gave the three a look; hunched over the counter, all groaning in happiness.

"Are these from your world perfect?".

(Name) nodded, "Yeah, there's actually-".

"Don't care make more!".

"Hench man please!"

(Name) looked at Ace and Grimm in shocked, "you know a simple please would do... also Grimm can you even have chocolate?".

Ace rolled his eyes, "the little shit ate rocks for the past year-". His comment made Duece hit him on the back of the head.

"Anyways, Perfect, do you think we can take some to lunch tomorrow?".

"Sure, I'll probably be baking all tomorrow... nothing else to do".

☆

"Oi oi crabby~ whatcha got there?".

Instinctively Ace put the brown lunch bag towards his chest, "none of your-"

"HEYYY!!". Grimm screeched

"Sh sh baby seal, let me just borrow your bag."

Grimm beated his paws on Floyd's stomach, "No! You can't have that! (Name) made those specially for me!!" He whined.

"Oh~ Shrimy made these?". Floyd popped a cookie in his mouth.

The world stopped for a minute, Floyd giving the three a lead stare. "Uh, you good bro?". Ace went to put his hand on Floyd's shoulder only to be bitten by said eel.

"FUCK HE BIT MY SHIT".

Floyd stole the bag of cookies and made a dash for the door.

"MY TREATS!!" Grimm wailed.

♤

(Name) hummed as they baked their third round of cookies, the last batch being Samoas now they were working on peanut butter. 'I guess always baking with Trey was worth the lessons-'

Que their front door being broken in with two distressed students.

"PERFECT HELP I NEED STERILIZATION STAT-"

"HENCHMAN! I NEED NEW COOKIES! THAT DISGUSTING EEL STOLE MY COOKIES!".

'There goes my peaceful afternoon'.

(Name) grabbed the first aid kit to help Ace, letting the two whine and nag about their day.

Grim plopped himself on (Name)'s lap, "So.... can you give us more cookies?".

"Sure, just don't let anyone take them this time."

♡

The next day at lunch was... eventful...

"ILL TAKE A BAG FOR $10!".

"NO! $50!".

"MAKE IT $90!".

It was like watching a pack of hyenas swarm a prey, three pairs of eyes watched from a distance.

"So... it's just cookies?". Azul observed the growing hysteria with a careful eye.

Jade snickered, "I think it's more than cookies sir~"

Azul grabbed a cookie from Floyd's bag, observing before taking a nibble.

Jade laughed, "so? What's the verdict-".

"Schedule a meeting with the perfect."

☆

"FLOYD PUT ME DOWN!!". (Name) was hunched over Floyd's shoulder.

Azul took a deep breath, "Floyd put the perfect down-".

CRASH

Azul felt a migraine forming, rubbing his temples. "So... perfect". Azul forced a smile.

"I'm not making a dea-".

"Listen! What about a business partnership? With your cookies-".

"No."

"There will be money, 50/50".

"I already-"

"And! I'll ask threaten the headmaster to give your.... Ramshackle upgrades".

♧

'It's so much hotter than the inside of Ramshackle'. (Name) was miserable, sitting at a stand in Port Town trying to sell cookies, THEIR cookies. Luckily, that ocean breeze was... somewhat frequent.

"Hggnnngg Henchman I'm bored.... let's dip".

(Name) rolled their eyes, "You got us into this mess...".

"Ha! How was I supposed to know Azul was also in summer school!". Grim threw himself under the table.

"How's business perfect?~".

"Shrimpy~!".

(Name) gave Jade a glare, "I'm miserable - it's too hot for this shit."

Floyd blew a raspberry, "Well! We have something to cheer you up-"

"A gun?"

Grim came up from the table, "AH! It's me!".

(Name) looked at the two confused, "a cardboard cut out of Grim?".

The cutout was... interesting, depicting Grim in a hat and... boots.

'Is there a puss and-'

Jade smiled softly, "Azul said it could help drive in business having a mascot~".

4/13/2024 I kinda gave up towards the end... this has been sitting in drafts for a year.... I cant figure out how to end this but Perfect gets a pool in Ramshackle in my head so :)

[cakeofthepan]

Congrats to Will for achieving 2 of the greatest achievements in life, becoming a father and murdering Freddie Wong.

[Audio Transcript:

[Rhythmic clacking music plays]

Will: Hey everyone, I’m Will Campos I play Normal Oak, a mixed-up mascot kid who doesn’t know who he is anymore. Teen fact this week about Normal, this one’s for you Freddie

Freddie: Yay!

Will: That raccoon that Normal found, that he befriended a couple of teen facts ago, it’s actually not a racoon it’s a goingondog.

[music cuts out]

Freddie: What’s a goingondog?

Beth: oohhhhhh

Will: [extremely pleased with himself] Not much dog, what’s a going on with you bitch?

Freddie: [screams in agony]

[crab rave starts playing]

Matt: [laughing] are you serious? Did you seriously fall for that?

Anthony: [overlapping] Did you seriously fall for that? You actually fell for that?

Beth: [overlapping] I can’t- I can’t believe you-

Freddie: [overlapping] you BITCH

Will: [full on cackling]

Matt: Are you serious?

Anthony: Oh my god, Freddie is full on doing the Evangelion Shinji like doubled over in his chair clutching his head.

Beth: Oh No!

Will: [still cackling]

Freddie: [screams in agony again]

Anthony: He literally looks like he has to go pilot the Eva right now

Will: YESSS

Anthony: I can’t believe that

Freddie: Aaaaaa what

Matt: Will- Will, you found his perfect weakness, you found like a moment when his defenses were down

Anthony: Oh my god

Will: I, alright, so here’s the real story, I became a-

Freddie: GODDAMN IT

Will: [laughs]

Anthony: How did you fall for it?

Matt: How did you fall for that?

Freddie: [yelling] I don’t know, I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness, Jesus Christ

Anthony: Oh man

Will: [laughs] so um, here’s the story of that dad fact. Last month, I became a father. My wife and I had our beautiful baby boy Andy. He’s doing well, everyone’s doing great. I have been thinking about what my dad fact was gonna be for a month straight while sleep deprived and pacing around back and forth. And I was like, I feel like I’ve got one chance here to really pull something over on somebody. And I thought of this goingondog thing, I was like wait a sec. Cuz Freddie updogged me

Matt: Mmm Hmmm

Will: two decades ago I swear to god. Ten year- twelve years ago

Matt: Oh my god

Beth: Damn

Will: He got me with just straight up updog and I was like, I will have my revenge one day

Freddie: Wait do you remember that? I don’t remember that

Will: I had never heard updog before, and then you just updogged me and then everyone laughed at me and I’ve been holding a grudge-

Anthony: The day Freddie updogged you was the most important day of your life. To him it was Tuesday

Freddie: [laughing] For me it was a Tuesday

Will: And I was like, I bet my first fact back everyone’s gonna be wondering what it is, he’s gonna say something about having a kid. And then I’m like, oh wait, I’ll call Freddie out specifically, I’ll reel, I’ll reel him in.

Freddie: Oh what, that’s the move. That was the move. That’s what got me dude

Beth: Damn

Will: Yeah, so I don’t know. Anyway, I can die now I’m quitting the podcast. Goodbye

Anthony: Wow

Freddie: Fuck, bro. Just like fucking James Earl Jones used to say dude, the circle is now complete

Matt: I just watched an assassination. You know like, one of those videos that nobody moves. Like, we all just sat here just watched Freddie get murdered.

Will: [laughs] one of those 3 seconds before disaster happened videos. Anyway

Freddie: Holy shit. Do I need to turn back in my podcaster card?

Beth and Matt: I think so

[laughter]

Freddie: Do I need to go back to the podcasters guild and tell them that I’ve been forcibly ejected by an updog joke?

Beth: Hi

Freddie: [screams]

Beth: Hi

Freddie: Fuck you Will

Will: Hi Beth, how are you?

[music fades out]

Anthony: Roll stealth with disadvantage Taylor

Freddie: Taylor’s just so pumped at the idea that there was a ghost

Will: Taylor Swift really wondering if uhh we’re uhh out of the woods yet

Beth: Mmmmmm

Freddie: don’t ugh Will

Will: Did you hear her new song hey what’s up dog?

Freddie: Go fuck yourself

Beth: Freddie says it smells like wrong dog in here

Anthony: Freddie, you wanna roll to bofa?

End Transcript]

[multifandombullshitbabes]

Random Merlin Rewatch: Where a random number generator gives me a season and an episode from BBC Merlin; and then I comment on it as I go.

Today's episode: Season 4 Episode 7 - The Secret Sharer

Before I start, let me just say and I have done my uni exam and that's why I haven't been posting these even though I really wanted to. Not joking, I had to let my fingers rest 'cause I wrote all my notes and shit. It was a lot. Anyways, let's fucking do this.

LET'S GO INTRO!!!! YOUNG MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOH

EWWWWW WHY IS AGRAVAINE TOUCHING MORGANA LIKE THAT I'M GONNA PUKE BRO

Damn, Morgana's eyes are so GREEN, that makeup really does it for her. Kinda funny she's wearing it to bed though. Girl.

GOOD LORD MAMA, HELLO

Agravaine needs to chill the fuck out. Every time he's on screen he gives me the ick. Ugh. Also Morgana looked so damn paranoid talking about Emrys. "He knows everything. All our plans, all our secrets." Girl.... RIP Morgana you would've loved therapy (or not).

Ohhh... interesting Morgana's reaction to Agravaine's accusation of Gaius, saying that he's the ones working with Emrys. She almost looks... hurt? Like. She really doesn't want to face the reality that Gaius exists, in the sense that she's just so hurt by everything these people that "loved" her have done. She just feels so betrayed by everyone, so hurt, so ANGRY. It's so tragic.

Oh my GOD. I NEED PEOPLE TO STOP MANIPULATING MORGANA!!! I'M SICK OF IT!!!! The way she hesitates!!! When she knows that it means that they're going to use Gaius or maybe even kill him!!! The way that she moves away from Agravaine, processing this, the way he INTERRUPTS THIS and insists, again, that it has to be Gaius, they have to do something. And for a second she almost looks so fucking scared, like!!

LOOK AT HER!!! ANOTHER PERSON THAT'S BETRAYED HER!!! SHE'S SO HURT AND SCARED!!! OH GOD HER AND ARTHUR ARE SO SIMILAR.

She even blinks her eyes after that line from Agravaine, like blinking away tears, her eyes are so shiny bro, I'm gonna cry :((. And after blinking she turns all smirky and "evil" and shit. Jesus Christ. I could write a whole thesis about Morgana and her character progression holy shit.

LET'S GO MUSICCCCCCC

AHHHHHH the iconic breakfast in bed scene!!! Yay!!!

I don't blame Arthur for spitting that out, shit looked dry as FUCK. Also there's a bunch of crumbs on the bed, Merlin, YOU'LL have to clean that up!!! Don't give yourself more work!!

"I don't know anything about Polishing." We really need more appreciation about how Bradley delivers his lines, this one is just too funny, only hearing it, bro. Also. Merlin writes Arthur's speeches. One of the best pieces of canon in my opinion. It's just so comical, for some reason. And they must be good too, 'cause no one's questioning them. It's just such a subtle way to show that Merlin IS smart. Sometimes. A little bit.

Merlin, babe, you cannot be serious. You writing the new bible or something, what the fuck is this.

"You don't have hours." Most threatening and terrifying Merlin's ever sounded. Arthur's better than me, I would've have an anxiety attack so bad it'd send me straight to hell.

THIS INTRO IS EVERYTHING!!! WHY ARE THEY SAYING THINGS SO PERFECTLY SILLY!! I LOVE IT!!! Also, damn, Arthur's BUSY. I guess we do forget that kings had to, y'know. Do basically everything, like be a judge sometimes. Hello??

Ah yes, what I've been waiting for: the wrestling Arthur out of the bed scene. Love it. No notes, really.

"You're doing very well, Arthur." WHAT IF I CRY???

"I don't think so."???? ARTHUR WHAT IF I SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU, SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GREAT IN MY OPINION, LISTEN TO YOUR MANSERVANT FOR ONCE.

A tiny bit of appreciation for Arthur's chest hair.

Thank you.

Love that Agravaine just. Ignores that it's Merlin writing Arthur's shit. He must have gotten such a shock right at the start and now nothing's surprising anymore.

The fact that Morgana, all in black, has a white horse is so fucking cool to me. Work that shit, queen.

OK GORGEOUS?????

Hate the way Agravaine speaks. Shut the FUCK UP.

Arthur. Arthur, honey. Yeah, you've got to stop being so easy to manipulate. I know it's hard, but your uncle is so fucking obvious doing it, please, please, just. Please. Holy shit.

Morgana's dress (cloak?? hood?? idk) is so pretty.

Morgana being the last of her kind, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess. Merlin being the last Dragonlord. Something something...

Also. Some obvious orientalism is this episode. Kinda icky, but unsurprising giving it's BBC and also like. 2011 or whatever. But still. Ugh.

Welp. Welp, welp. Can't really say much about that, can I??

I can't remember, but I'm assuming that bracelet she gives to the Catha is from Morgause, simply by the look of pain in her face when it's out of her grasp. Literally, when will my wife's suffering end?

I wonder just how many different kinds of magic beings and users there are in JUST the five kingdoms. What about the rest of the world?? Like. that's just so cool!! I love world building, maybe one day I'll waste away some days just building up lore and lore, probably some made up, but mostly from all cultures and countries. That would be cool as fuck actually.

Agravaine's smile is so FAKE, FUCK OFFFFFFF

Ew, why does he just touch everybody. Weird uncle vibes, for sure.

Oh, I just don't like how Arthur's so quiet. I bet Agravaine's just gotten in his head so bad. He already looks ready to cry, like Gaius has already betrayed him. He's so used to that, what's one more?

Jesus, this hurts to watch. The fact that Gaius knows exactly what's happening, and he's trying to be as truthful as he can but Agravaine's just. making it all worse and horrible. This is so bad.

Ok, Gaius, I know you're better at lying than this. Fucking damnit.

EW. Agravaine's little smirk?? What the fuck is wrong with him? Jesus, I feel so sick watching this, knowing that he's just basically sentenced Gaius as a liar!! Fuck!!!

Well, at least Arthur noticed that Agravaine was being a fucking bitch. Not all is lost.

"... we might find some (proof)." Oh, ok, so you're just admitting that you're going to fabricated evidence against Gaius? Oh ok.

JESUS THESE MAN'S TITTIES ARE JIGGLING GOOD LORD

OH MY GOD, NOT THE PECS FLEXING??? I'm assuming normally you don't see that when you're on a horse adjusting yourself 'cause you got clothes on but this guy DOESN'T and you can SEE EVERYTHING.

The way that Merlin opens the door is so funny. He is NOT amused to be called upon by Agravaine. Mood.

Why is Agravaine's smile literally so disgusting, I cannot.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHY DOES HE SMILE SO MUCH???? VERY MUCH WEIRD UNCLE VIBES. VERY MUCH "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YOUR UNCLE'S COMING." VIBES. EW. EW EW EWWWW

Love seeing Agravaine getting humbled, thank you big titty man.

Really? Really??? A book boldly proclaiming that it's about magic and sorcery, kinda hidden by one (1) sheet of paper as your proof? Really??? Are you for real right now?? Fuck off.

It is actually so upsetting seeing Agravaine in Merlin and Gaius's space. Like that's not for you, disgusting bitch.

Not Merlin finishing polishing the dagger and setting it on Arthur's nightstand JUST as the warning bells start to sound. Lol. Lmao even.

OH MY GOD THEY'RE DESTROYING GAIUS' SHIT??? WHAT THE FUCK

No no no. I hate this. The fact that Merlin now get's why Agravaine made him polish that dagger. He's fucking blaming himself right away, oh I can't do this.

Merlin literally looks like a baby in this shot, holy shit. My baby :(((.

Agravaine's acting (not the actor's, is the actor acting the character acting!! which is so fucking cool) is so fucking annoying. It's so obvious, dammit, Arthur, you're a king, how can you not see it!!! I know he's family, but you barely know him!!! I know he's from your mother's side and you want THAT side to be good unlike your father's side that's brought you so much pain, I know, but come ON!!!

Oh, Merlin's so mad, not at Arthur, at Agravaine and himself, but he's so hurt, so scared, so pained that it comes across as quietly, restrained angry, and it's fucking heart breaking.

Oh god. This is one of their most painful fights in my opinion. I think they get so fucking heart breaking when it's Merlin just. trying to show his side, trying to get Arthur to understand but Arthur just cannot because he's been given a certain information that WOULD make his actions sensible, but WE know they're lies!!! We do, Merlin does, but he can't just say that 'cause it might reveal HIS lie, and it's just UGH!!!!!!!!!! FUCK

MERLIN IS FUCKING TEARING UP I CAN'T. "He would not leave without saying goodbye to me." I AM GOING TO PUKE.

The way Merlin turns away when he's close to crying, ohhhhh. Oh BBC Merlin writers when I catch you. Colin Morgan when I catch you.

"I don't wanna lose another friend." I think these are the moments that really make me wanna chortle Arthur. I truly feel like he cannot understand the depth of the power that he has compared to Merlin. 'Cause what does that threat mean? Just them stop being friends but Merlin's still employed? Arthur sacking Merlin? Arthur treating Merlin how he's treating Gaius right now? Because, truthfully, with the power that Arthur has, any of these options is viable. I think this is what scares me, Arthur just cannot comprehend that he just cannot threaten his friends, his loved ones, like this just because he's king now. He simply cannot. The weight of it is different. Even if he would never hurt them, it doesn't matter, he has the POWER to. That's what's so scary. And then he wonders why Merlin doesn't tell him things. How can he?

The way things just. Change between the early seasons and now. The way Gaius talks to Morgana, knowing she wants to kill him, when he saw her grow up. I'm gonna be so fucking sick, y'all, what the fuck.

Does she braid some of her hair with leaves?? Or a green ribbon? What is that in her hair??

Not gonna lie, Morgana is so hot in this scene. Jesus. Love that voice, and that's all I'm gonna say.

HE LOOKS SO BABY!!!!!!!!!!1

I love that Gwen doesn't even question that Agravaine's behind it. She's like "I'll use my charms to get Arthur to see reason, don't worry bestie."

ICONICCCC GAIUS USING MAGIC!!!!!!!!

Oh, I love when Merlin doesn't even use words. Just golden eyes and BOOM. Magic.

MERLIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE BRO YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEAK OUT CORRECTLY WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking funny though, I'm losing it-

GWAINE!!!! MY BABY!!! You look like a puppy :,).

Oop. Cock blocked.

Merlin is just in a fucking mood and honestly he deserves to be. But it is interesting how differently he acted with Gwaine and Gwen. I wonder if he's being shorter with Gwaine 'cause he's a knight now, and he knows that knights talk and are closer to the king's views than the servants. Classic class division and such, even if Gwaine is not like other knights. He just cannot be sure now. Also 'cause he almost got found out my Agravaine which does not good for your nerves I bet.

WOW. Gwaine, baby, STAND UP. Get some self-respect. Good god. At Merlin's back and call, it's really ridiculous bro.

Immediately on a secret mission, love these boys.

Not Agravaine seeing his plans fall apart, GET REKT LOSER.

I wonder if Morgana's a good cook. I think she isn't actually. Just never gets recipes right. Burns things, undercooks others.

Oh, poor Gaius... he really tried to fight it but...

It's really fun watching the series and recognizing common clips used in edits.

The way Gaius speaks about Merlin with such wonder and pride... crying rn.

LMAO NOT MERLIN JUST COMPLETELY TRIPPING BOTH OF THE GUY'S FEET. ALSO THE WAY THE CATH TURNED??? HELLO??? HE LOOKED LIKE A SQUIRREL.

"We should split up." "Yeah." two dumb bitches saying "exactlyyyy"

"If you find him, don't wait for me." Gwaine IMMEDIATELY disagreed with that, Merlin dearest, he's not gonna let that happen.

Oh my god, Morgana hasn't met Gwaine yet. All she knows, from Agravaine, is that he's a "hothead". Lmao. lol even.

I love how Agravaine, literal dagger to Gaius' neck, is disagreeing with Gwaine's very keen observation, that he's the kidnapper and traitor. Girl, shut the fuck up.

Gwaine is so handsome. Also, yes, not completely stupid because, if Agravaine didn't kidnap Gaius, how did he know where he was, hm?? Bitchass.

Jesus. Credit when credit's due, he can be a good liar. Also, I feel like Gwaine's acting like he believes Agravaine's innocent, mainly because he can sense something fishy about him. His question, "So you agree he was abducted then?" is so SMART. 'Cause what else can Agravaine do but agree and declare Gaius an innocent man? Yeah that's fucking right, bitch.

Morgana is literally so hot and tragic when evil, good lord.

UGH, Morgana using magic without words, YES!!! Love her being powerful.

Face card never declines for either one of them, good god. Y'know what, more and more I understand Mergana. Just. Look at them!!!

OH THE WAY MERLIN KNOWS THAT ALATOR KNOWS HE'S EMRYS. OH MY GOD?????

Oh jesus, the way Morgana's just RELIEVED to finally know who Emrys is, she's so scared of him she just doesn't want to be scared anymore. Her voice is so soft here :(.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE YEETED THE FUCK OUT OF MORGANA WHAT THE FUCK, WOAH!!!!!!!!1

Oh wow that scene just gave me chills, holy shit holy shit. The way Alator just kneels and allies himself to Merlin. Jesus Christ, that's my drug bro.

Gwaine and Arthur interacting. Gwaine being so soft about Gaius, so worried :(. Arthur too :(((.

I really do love how royals just think the servants can't fucking hear. Gwen is right there as they speak very sensitive matters. Like bitch?? They have ears I promise??

The way Gaius and Merlin communicate their fears and anxieties :((( I'm so emotional bro.

"My worry is Arthur." and THOSE are your loyalties, while Alator and other's loyalties are to YOU, Merlin, 'cause you're supposed to bring forth Albion, but you're too busy having a fucking CRUSH TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the way Arthur walks into the room and Merlin cannot even BEAR to look at him. He's HURT. As is his right.

The way Merlin immediately lightens the mood, 'cause he wants things to be easy as possible, even if it gets hurts swept under the rug like this. UGH. AGHHHHHHHHH.

Boys. Stop eye fucking. You're supposed to at least be a little mad at him, Merlin, you kinda deserve that, y'know.

Love that Arthur believes without a doubt that Gaius withstood torture for him and Camelot and won. Like. He truly sees Gaius as this strong figure. Just always there since he was born, bro. Even before, while he was being made!! That's bonkers.

I love how Arthur understood Gaius' lied even though Agravaine talks in the "evil manipulative guy" voice all the time. Fuck off bro, I swear.

The Gaius is trying to teach Arthur to understand the complexities of magic, that it's all evil or all good, it's all different. I love this scene so much.

Pretty boy.

And that is it!!! God, what an episode!! I feel like this episode is a good starting point for a show rewrite, in which Arthur gets more and more curious about magic and tries to understand, and maybe we'd get a magic reveal and shit like. I like that a lot.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,122 Words

Summary: Eclipse makes a groupchat with the other Eclipses to chaotic outcomes.

Warnings: Crack, Cursing, Abuse (mentioned only), Imprisonment (mentioned), Bullying, let me know if I should add anything else.

The Eclipses Chat: Chapter 2

12:45pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: Alright, I’m sending our kid on a plane to Toronto. Make sure you get his ass off the plane, Umbra.

Umbra: You think I haven’t been waiting for him for the last day? That’s cute.

Helix: I want to see my little boy.

Comet: Comet-with-airport-coffee-and-airport-chinese-with-peace-sign.jpg

Helix: I am now pleased. Thank you, little child.

Solar: Aw hell no, we ain’t doing three way custody between two dimensions.

Comet: Why can’t I have more Dads?

Solar: Okay fine, but only because you want more Dads.

Eclipse: Hold on. What the fuck?

Solar: Pick a name, asshole. None of us get to keep Eclipse here.

Eclipse has changed their name to Acrux

Acrux: What is this?

Solar: Welcome to hell. Comet got stuck and now we all have a groupchat.

Acrux: Hold on. That means I actually get to talk to you on civil terms?

Solar: Yeah, I guess?

Acrux: Listen to me, I don’t want to be alive right now. I didn’t want to come back. I have directives in my head that will kill me if they’re gotten rid of so I have to find out who made me so the can’t make me again. So can you all maybe please not kill me because I severely need help right now, not to be killed because whoever made me will probably just make me again.

Solar: Ah, that’s who you are. Good to know.

Solar: Anyway, I personally won’t kill you, But like, what are the directives?

Acrux: I don’t know, the Creator wouldn’t tell me. But I know they’re what made me show myself so quickly. So they’re probably along the lines of ‘torment the daycare’. But I don’t even remember anything before my death. Everything I have is from a different point of view.

Solar: Well thats…weird. Anyway, Just try to stay away from the daycare because Moon already hates you anyway. He’ll probably just try to kill you right out the gate. If you come visit me at the airport, then I’ll look through everything and figure out the directives and maybe change the directives instead of delete them.

Acrux: What do I have to do for you?

Solar: Behave afterward.

Acrux: Done. I’m coming.

1:45pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: I got two kids now. Umbra, you got more space in that bunker of yours because he’s probably gonna need to hide too.

Umbra: I do. There’s like three dozen rooms in this bunker.

Solar: Even better. Comet, you’re getting a flight buddy on the plane with you.

Comet: YAY!

Acrux: You fixed me.

Solar: Well hey, first time for everything. Behave for your second chance and I’ll visit you two kids next week.

Acrux: Thank you so much.

Solar: Have fun, kids. No teleporting off the flight.

Acrux: Okay.

Comet: I can what now?

Solar: Not you, just Acrux.

Comet: Okay!

Acrux: I’ll make sure he gets there safe.

Solar: Thank you.

Umbra: You damn well better make sure your little brother gets here safe.

Acrux: Hold on, I thought that the Backup would be my dad, not you. You’d be like my grandfather.

Umbra: Respect your elders, kid. And Backup ain’t here. So that automatically makes me your dad.

Acrux: This family tree is more chaotic than the other one. Jesus Christ.

Solar: You’d think so but it’s relatively easy.

Acrux: Literally how?

Solar: Umbra is your dad, I’m your adoptive dad, Backup and Comet are your brothers, and everyone else here is either your cousin or uncle.

Umbra: Where is Backup by the way?

Solar: Don’t act like I know.

Eclipse is online

Eclipse: Can someone please come get me? I can’t escape this place.

Solar: What?

Eclipse: I’m stuck because of your brother, asshole. Get me out! I’ve been chained up in his room for two years and a month!

Solar: So twenty-five weeks our time?

Eclipse: Yes! Please get me out! I’ve been alone like six months. I can’t even remember how long.

Solar: Alright, I’m coming, hold on.

Eclipse: I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

Solar: I know, buddy. I’m working on it. I’ve gotta sneak you out so that’s gonna be a difficult thing to do, okay?

Eclipse: Don’t just kill me?

Solar: I won’t do that shit. I hated the killing idea in the first place. It makes me feel awkward contributing to the death of another version of myself.

Eclipse: Also, please don’t torture and imprison me too?

Solar: Is that what my brother did to you?

Eclipse: Yes.

Solar: Buddy, I ain’t gonna torture you.

Eclipse: Thank you.

Umbra: Another child, Solar?

Solar: Yes.

Helix: You two are like a divorced couple who’s working on their co-parenting routine.

Acrux: New brother, oh goodie.

Solar: Yeah, I’m gonna send him up too. Better Canada than Moon probably killing him.

Rigel: Yeahhhhh, Moon’s been suspecting me too but I can handle that. He’s just paranoid.

Solar: I get that but still. He will kill a formerly evil Eclipse on sight probably.

Rigel: …

Solar: Okay, bad wording. An Eclipse who has done evil things under their own recognizance before.

Rigel: Alright then.

Eclipse: Do I have to pick a name too?

Solar: Yes.

Eclipse has changed their name to Phase

Phase: I like this one.

Solar: Good job, Phasey.

Phase: I love that nickname.

Solar: I sure hope so. I also hope you like candy and pizza because that’s what you’re eating before I drop you at the airport to Umbra.

Phase: I think so? I don’t remember. I can barely remember anything past three months ago.

Solar: That’s fine, just look at your allergies.

Phase: It says pineapple and mango.

Solar: rip

Solar: Alright, we’ll get you something without them.

Helix: Y'all area clusterfuck.

Solar: Yup, thanks Helix.

Venus: I hate all of you so much.

Solar: That’s fine, you raging dickhead.

Venus: I don’t even know why I came on here.

Helix: You’re probably bored. I know that’s why I’m on here interacting.

Venus: Shut up, I’m not taking advice from a servant.

Helix: That’s okay, I don’t care about the opinions of a lord except my own.

Venus: Petty little shit.

Helix: Stubborn old man.

Orbit: The girls are fighting! I’m getting the popcorn, hold on!

Venus: You know what? I’m leaving.

Venus has left Whomst The Fuck?

Comet: Nope!

Comet has added Venus to Whomst The Fuck?

Venus: Fuck you!

Comet: No thanks! But you get to stay here from now on, you oversized roach.

Solar: Sick burn, kid.

Comet: Thank you!

Helix: Keep pouting, just means I win.

Venus: I hate you.

Rigel: Girls girls, you’re both pretty.

Venus is offline

Solar: All in all a productive day!

[jade-kyo]

RvB 20th rewatch: s12

Aaaagahhahhsjshaj the mid point to the end…. Fucking agony

I never noticed the cabose written in bullet holes on the wall. Nice reference.

“I AM FUCKING AWESOME” that single moment made me fall in love with Felix…. Yeah that didn’t last

“Yay I have friends!” Me too Caboose

“You’re oddballs that don’t exactly fit in” I feel like the Chorus trilogy is just a love letter to what these characters represent to… well people like me who found comfort in a group of loser assholes finding strength and connection in each other

There is a warthog that is absolutely freaking out in the background AGDKHAKSHS

AYO Ray and Michael cameo!!!

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER

Grif’s mental breakdown

Hmmmm thinking about Locus and Felix not being able to return to normal life after the war…

AAAAAHHHH THEIR STRENGTH IS THEIR IDIOCY

I do feel that sometimes they overuse animation in this season… I think animation should be reserved strictly for the most necessary and funniest of bits and bad ass action scenes

Caboose gets to be the one with a good bad idea!!!!

WHY SNOWMAN

DR GRAY!!!!!! MY BELOVED

It really was a big brain move to make the feds actually not evil at all and kinda just as pathetic as the rebels

HOLY SHIT HES BILINGUAL PLEASE DONT KILL ME

“You give meaning to meaningless objects and meaningless people and then risk your lives to protect them, where’s the sense in that” I’m telling you this arc is a love letter to what this show means

Gray is unhinged- she fits right in!

Bro just got incinerated

FELIX YOU RAT BASTARD

I felt so betrayed- in hindsight I really should’ve seen it coming but I thought Felix was funny

Yo I never actually caught that Locus hands the grenade to Carolina- for some reason I always thought she just had a grenade on her

CAROLINA BABYGIRL!!!!!!!

YOU FUCK!!!!! (Just so we’re clear that was an absolutely necessary animated bit 👍🏼)

AAAAHHHH EPSILON AND CAROLINA MY BELOVED AHSKHAKSHSKHSKSH

THEYRE SO SILLY

DELTA!!!!!!

THETA!!!!!

I love the fragments ajkdhakshksh

“Just you and me sis” I AM SO NORAML ALANSKLA IA AMANA SNORNSMNSK JAKAHSNLAJANKSJSKSHWKBSKSNKSHWKSHMSK

PSYCHOANALYSIS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!

Love that Caboose is the only one who didn’t do something to the ship

I AM AN EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB Jesus Christ

“I believe he said he was paid in babies”

Lopez a real one for being the only one to remember Doc

Love the conversation between grimmons back at the crash site. nuance about Simmons and leadership or something… if you catch what I mean… Restoration (what who said that)

“MY LIFE JUST FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!” Quoted line

AAAAAHHHHHHH TUCKER AND WASH!!!!!!!!

Dr. Gray my beloved

TUCKER CABOOSE MOMENT!!!

Wash was pretty dumb to just accept Freckles without question but also I never questioned it either so I can’t exactly judge

CABOOSE MY BELOVED AHAJSJAKDHKSJSKDN

SO SHUT UP AND GET OVER IT!!! Caboose finally gets to be the one to tell someone to shut up!!!!!

“Just say you’re sorry” agskahkshskjsksAJGDKAHSKHDKSGSKVDKDJKSN THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH

CHURCH TUCKER MY BELOVED!!!!!

“Seriously? That’s it, no ‘I’m sorry’ nothing?” Carolina I feel you but also if these guys weren’t completely emotionally constipated at all times I probably wouldn’t love them as much

Also Tucker and Church’s little moment of poking fun at Carolina is so cute omg

Trocadero you are truly something to behold

TUCKER YOU ARE THE BEST OF THEM!!!!!!!

Imagine if Tucker and Church had also gotten caught in Locus and Felix’s teleporter… wouldn’t that have sucked please god I already have a big fic I’m planning I don’t need another

COLONEL SARGE

Why is Carolina so damn BIG next the chairman in that picture ajhdkahsj

P.S. suck our balls

Being completely honest I do think s12 is a little bit of the weak link in the chorus trilogy. It’s not bad but I just find more enjoyment in s11 and s13 but it is possibly Tucker at his best GOD I love him… anyway, pain 🙂

[sallytwo]

hi saaam how went the boat this year

THANKKK YOU RAZY IVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT MT BOAT!!! this is gonna get long so below cut.

okay so as a freshmen they make everyone spend equal time on the bridge/engine room . but as a sophomore i got to spend my entire time on the bridge!! i had the alpha watch (aka dog watch) (aka captains watch) so from 0400-0800 and 1600-2000 we were up on the bridge running everythint.

every watch you had a different position. the different jobs the sophomores had were:

QUARTERMASTER: in charge of all freshmen/sophomores. this is the role with the most responsibility you have a legal logbook you have to fill out. the captain was always like hovering over my shoulder i loved it but it was ana insane amount of pressure

QUARTERDECK: you just sat on the main deck. and if anything happened below decks you radioed the bridge it was soooo borinf

NAVIGATION: MY FAVORITE JOB EVER!!!!! we had to plot a position every 30 minutes and you also did celestial navigation do you calculated sunrise/sunset times, found your latitude by the sun, other fun things like that.

WEATHER: you just had to give NOAA an hourly weather report. most people hated it but i had fun i loveeeee meteorology

RADAR: you just watched radar. which would be interested but we were in the open ocean with no radar targets!!! grrrr.

because we were the 4-8 watch i saw every single sunrise and sunset it’s the most beautiful thing in the word to be on the bridge in pitch darkness and slowly watch the horizon begin to light up. i made it my mission this cruise to learn to identify the constellations and how to find the different navigational stars and i read a LOT of books on traditional navigation/wayfinding, so my favorite thing was just going out and seeing how i could identify my position without any of the fancy equipment.

here’s a layout of the bridge i drew while on watch :) quartermaster was right next to helm and far enough away from the captains chair that i lovedddd the whisper to the poor freshmen on helm and gossip with them. it was awesome

OH AND!!! the captain chose me to serve as quartermaster during one of our important fire drills which was so fucking stressful but really cool. everyone else was kicked on the bridge except me, one freshmen on helm, one senior, and the captain. he said i did a good job though :)

my notes from the fire drill (it was my job to listen to the radio and log everytime something happened) and some of my celestial navigation calculations.

we went through a horribleeee storm our first week. like i (sam) (unphased by any emergency) slept in my rack with my lifejacket and kept having horrible dreams about having to go assist medical. the ship was rocking so much that everytime it rolled there were a few seconds you wondered if it was gonna go back upright. like gale force winds and 15+ foots seas it was an interesting night!!! (this picture was a few days after it dispersed)

anyway even though it’s a freshmen job on our final watch everrrr i convinced the senior officer to let me go on helm for a few minutes (i was being so annoying he threatened to lock me in the weather closet and then he threatened to kick me off the bridge and i said “if you let me go on helm i’ll stop wandering and annoying everyone” and he agreed). IT WAS JUST AS GREAT AS I REMEMBER BUT JESUS CHRIST I HAD FORGOTTEN HOW PSYCHOLOGICALLY STRESSFUL HELM IS. just standing there knowing like 600+ peoples lives dre in your hands. it’s scary as hell.

anyway sorry this got long. i love the bridge IF YOU HAVE MORE SPECIFIC WUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THE BRIDGE WORKS IM ALWAYSSSS HAPPY TO TSLK ABOUT IT YAY!!

[pixelatedbugs]

just completed neutral route! big huge spoilery ramble below summary: definitely recommend playing neutral route because holy shit wow. plus you get some new dialogue and stuff from other characters which is cool

I thought Martlet picking up the determination syringe was an aborted genocide only thing but she had it and i was only level 7...she throws it away of course but it still kinda shocked me. She was already ready to kill Clover if they did anymore violence, even if she changed her mind in the end. And then Flowey just kills her-

Really interesting to me that when Flowey doesn't intervene clover just stays with Toriel. I feel like Clover had a hard life on the surface (based off of Star's couch bringing "unpleasant memories", mainly) I feel like deep down, they wanted comfort. They came down the mountain to find the 5 missing humans but they forgot about that in exchange for Toriel's comfort. A home. They're just a kid. man..

The boss..fuck. I knew it got scary because I accidentally spoiled myself on a few things but wow I was not ready. it really emphasizes the fact that Flowey has complete (not counting the player) control over what happens to clover. Speaking of that, that one scene at the end where Flowey looks directly at the screen..wonder if he realized that him and clover aren't the only ones here. T- DON'T DO THAT CREEPY LAUGH sorry was typing this while watching the credits anyway..

The fight itself was AWESOME. Super creative, the sections where you have to avoid Flowey's vines like Undyne's spears was amazing. The attacks were...creepy as hell Flowey with Humanoid Eyes will stay in my mind for a while. And that's a compliment, the horror factor was nailed here. The battle box lines too. "Clover wants to cry but they don't have eyes" wow! fun! jesus christ. The intermission(?) between the phases. All the other final bosses showed memories of the characters, so it makes sense Flowey would also get those! I'm...not entirely sure what most of it was about besides the part where Asriel first awakens as Flowey ("mom..? dad..?") but holy shit the mountain of dead Floweys was horrifying. Every single reset...damn. Its more likely that Flowey was created a bit before frisk fell, not clover, at least in undertale canon. But still, it really puts into perspective just how many times he died, over and over and over. Plus I'm inserting UTY into my headcanon anyway at this point lmao. oh yeah and then we're in Snowdin! yay it's Martlet! she's speaking slightly weird but I'm sure nothing bad will happen Uh Oh

The second phase is just, really, really good. I didn't expect anything to match Photoshop Flowey but this? Pretty much does it perfectly. i love the different artstyles for every different phase rather than theming around the different souls too. The clay one got me very close to becoming the joker fuck that one

I'm wondering what would've happened if i exited the game at some point, maybe ill redo it later. But yeah, awesome boss, awesome route, definitely go play it yourself. You can just kill like 1 monster and you'll get it i think. ignore the fact that i killed way more than one monster i needed the health ok

[crimeronan]

god i know i keep half-tongue-in-cheek saying that my dad is literally belos owlhouse but. i've apparently gotten a little desensitized to Just How Bad He Is (because i have ESCAPED, YAY) & so today has been a delightful adventure.

i wrote an AITA post from his POV about stuff that happened several years ago, bc i was curious about how bad he'd get dragged - i updated the timeline but the Only fact i changed was the reason for his Woes (i blamed COVID economic struggles, which actually makes him a Hero compared to the truth. the truth being so ugly i'm not gonna detail it here good god).

i kept it true to POV by only using things that he actually did say to me at the time about why he was doing the things that he was doing, & blocking out all the relevant info about why the wronged party (me) was so upset, & having him praise his daughter (me) and go "i love her so much :) she's so smart and independent and i would never hurt her :)", & having him half-assedly admit he might've sounded unreasonable/angry/malicious, in a way that was clearly supposed to earn Good Dad points for being so Willing To Admit Imperfections, despite a continued constant doubling-down refusal to answer questions about actual important shit or fix anything ever.

cannot emphasize enough that this was not a fictionalized/embellished/creative POV. the only points of fiction were 1) my dad did not write these things on reddit, he said them to me in real life word for word instead and 2) this happened many years ago, not like... yesterday.

anyway the thread blew up and the commenters were all so kind and genuinely worried for me (as in, the daughter) and offering so much help that i hopped on a diff account to be my past self so i could reassure people i'm okay & had a plan in motion for gettin' the hell outta dodge. because i felt REALLY BAD that they didn't know i..... did in fact get out. people were so nice it made me actually fucking cry jesus CHRIST. i had in fact perhaps forgotten that these things were all as bad and worrying as they were

now. this is all a very serious and harrowing-sounding prelude to the actual point of this post, which is. a bullet list of some of my FAVORITE FUCKING RESPONSES. revel in these with me i had so much fucking fun. i have taken DOZENS AND DOZENS of screenshots to peruse whenever i need a healthy dose of Perspective

here they r:

you are CARTOONISHLY EVIL?

HOLY ABUSE BATMAN

DO BETTER. RIGHT NOW.

did you even listen to yourself writing this. HOW

there's something seriously wrong with you. like on an intrinsic unfixable level

hey this happened to me too! my parent died and i had a party about it btw

your daughter is never going to speak to you again after this

(note from the future: yeah)

you're going to act confused and sad when she goes no-contact aren't you

(NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: HE SURE FUCKING IS)

i think you are creating your own problems and then getting mad at them. maybe instead you could not do that

is this ragebait. i can't imagine anyone this horrible actually existing

this isn't ragebait. i can tell this isn't ragebait because I Know This Kind Of Man So Intimately

you are the asshole on literally so many levels i'm going to write a 15 paragraph response line-by-line dissecting everything wrong with you

are you aware that you're lying or are you literally this incapable of 2 seconds of honest self-reflection

i need to donate to a gofundme for your daughter right now immediately

(note from the future: i am not going to scam people by pretending a long-done sitch is a current emergency on gofundme. have no fear.)

wow. okay i'm gonna go hug my mom and thank her for not being you

you are Actually Literally Empirically the Actual Literal Worst Parent who has Actually Literally Ever Existed

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU????

WHO DO YOU FUCKING THINK YOU ARE.

I AM A 57-YEAR-OLD MOM OF FOUR ADULT CHILDREN AND THE MERE THOUGHT OF DOING ANY OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE HERE MAKES ME PHYSICALLY NAUSEOUS

these vibes are so skeevy. leave her the fuck alone????

along with ASTONISHINGLY accurate inferences about exactly what was happening with the daughter (me) in all the missing missing reasons & like..... exactly how the situation was So Much More Ugly And Horrifying than an innocently confused i'm-so-well-intentioned dad-POV post would have you believe.

so. anyway. that was literally the most validating experience i've ever had in my entire life. i know i've said he's a bad guy before but i also always forget just how far beyond the pale he is. like wow that was. that was not a normal average human experience to have growing up huh.

IN CONCLUSION.

if you guys are ever wondering why i am the way that i am about, like........ anything....... everything....... whatever......

just remember.

i was raised by belos owlhouse.

[ruinikaido]

Jesus fucking christ i forget i have autism until i have to exist in the same room with my family members i am literally ripping my hair out ANYWAYS! i am happy my mental health is more manageable at least i am improving in some aspects i think as always there are rough patches and i feel some parts getting worse but the most debilitating of it is manageable and practically nonexistent YAY! GUYS IM NOT A BITCH ANYMORE! ok i am but ITS OK NOW! AND IM FINALLY OK! does anyone know im finally ok well i am finally ok!!! In some ways actually im honestly doing bad but only over like minor things i can just like get over isnt that cute like im ok and it doesnt ruin my life WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!