#yeah like if youre nonbinary and you dont like the term then i feel that thats chill

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[actualbird]

Zak this is a personal ask, I completely understand if you don’t answer to it and it is fine GENUINELY *sobbign*. I just wanted to ask how did you found out about being trans? then what did you do about it? I still feel dysphoric and still getting comfortable I currently identify as non binary (amab) but I want to dress classy and elegant though no clothes match my figure and I still want to retain a bit of my masculinity yk? Your trans luke fic made me soft hue hue hue.

hi anon!! sorry it took me a while to answer this ask, i wanted to get all my thoughts in order properly ;w;

how i figured out i was trans was a long time coming tbh. i had always had a vague dysphoria with my body ever since i was a kid, only ever wearing hoodies and hiding myself as much as i could. then later, ever since i was in high school, i had this feeling that i Wasnt A Girl and since then i tried out a bunch of different genders. i first went with bigender, because i still felt a connection towards womanhood yet yearned for a stronger connection with masculinity, then for a while i identified as nonbinary all throughout college because i wanted the freedom of just being whatever the hell i wanted to be. but even then, i noticed that i would get the most gender euphoria when i was treated and referred to as a guy, when people called me handsome or used masculine terms to refer to me. then the pandemic happened, and i actually changed the name i went by to zak before i came out as trans. but changing my name and hearing people call me it really solidified for me that what i wanted from the very beginning was to be a guy so i just. did.

i leaned into my name change, i started using he/him pronouns, and as people around me started referring to me like this, i realized that i made the right choice because i felt most like myself than i ever had felt in my whole life.

though i guess it's important to note that even if i am a guy, i still have some connection to what is societally seen as feminine presentation. like, i love crossdressing in a wig and frilly dresses, i love pink, i love cutesy items, etc etc. but i can love those things and still be a guy, because who says that these things should only be for women?

(pictured, me being a frilly pink discord catboy vs me being an edgy colored highlights fuckboy)

overall i have this attitude of like.....my gender expression is what i want it to be, and i can do whatever with it that makes me happiest

i cant give advice for your own situation because at the end of the day, the only person who can figure out your identity and expression is going to be you. but you can do what makes you happiest. if you wanna dress classy, go for it! if you still want to have a connection with masculinity while doing so, hell yeah! you make the rules on how you want to be yourself, so just always keep that in mind. dont let yourself get boxed into categories that limit your self expression. feel free to experiment and try new things and find out what makes you feel most like your authentic self

i hope something in this answer could offer something to you. wishing you all the best, anon!!

edit: check out the replies of this response, there are some fashion reccs for you, anon!!

[big-greer]

I know i dont usually post stuff like this, for the longest time if you had asked me what my gender was id say i was a regular guy..but in truth i say that but i never really felt like i "Fit" with the term guy. Like in my brain whenever i think of myself i never really think specifically about being a male. Before i just assumed "oh its cause i am one, obviously i wouldnt consciously think of that. its sort of a given" but looking back that clearly wasnt the case, always joked how i barely counted as a guy and most people either would laugh like its a joke but a few days ago a coworker asked why..and i sort of froze up cause i had never really stopped and asked myself why? Like i knew i didnt act like a normal guy, i didnt think like one, i never had that attachment to the title of being male. so i always felt this disconnect from manhood, and even when my father tried to teach me to be a man it always felt like i was just an outsider looking in and learning a lesson through a window or something. he tried all kinds of stuff you would expect a "manly" guy to know, hell he even taught me how to track through a forest (would cut notches in trees and we walked from the top of a mountain to the bottom and had me lead us back following the marks he made. yeah dad take your like 14 year old to the fucking bottom of a mountain and make me track cut marks like some legendary hunter lol). and he would always explain what manhood was and i just....it never connected to me you know? i always chocked that up to the fact my dad was never really around (after he and ma divorced he sorta slowly dissapeared from my life till he was dead one day) and so i figured i wasnt like a regular guy cause i was raised by like, 95% woman only so i thought that might be why? but as ive come to realize it isnt that and ive just never really vibed with the idea of being just a guy, its never clicked for me.

Now dont get me wrong, the idea of using she/her pronouns actually is uncomftorable to me so now i feel like im sort of just floating here? in between gender in my own sort of like...little world and im worried about doing it right. Yeah i know "oh i want to do good at gender which is a logical and reasonable thing that can be done" i know i know. But like, i dont want to wear makeup and dresses and stuff (though nail polish would be nice, perhaps a good black would be cool.) and i feel like i dont particularly want to wear any womans clothing? i like guy clothes, there comfy, fit me nice, and for obvious reasons they are all i got lol. Also i like having my goatee and facial hair so thats also a thing. i just worry that after browsing the nonbinary tag that cause of stuff like this i wouldnt be good at being nonbinary, or that i would do it wrong. OH also that i would still be comfortable with people using he/him pronouns as well as they/them but wouldnt feel comftorable with somebody using she/her ones (perhaps this is just cause he/him pronouns are all ive known my entire life and thats why im more comfy with them). yeah all that makes me worried id be doing nonbinary wrong, which i know is a dumb sentence cause nobody can do gender "wrong" and that its a personal thing that is up to only the person whose gender its about feelings on the situation. but that lingering doubt is still in my mind, that i will be some sort of fraud or not ACTUALLY nonbinary and stuff. cause lord knows alot of tumblr views nonbinary as just "WOMAN 2" and if you arnt some hyper androgynous person you arnt actually nonbinary and i know i know, i shouldnt care what fuckin morons on tumblr say.

But gender stuff is new to me, VERY knew. Lord knows i still have strange feelings towards being ace and sometimes worry im not "ACE" enough to be considered ace. so im def still fighting some internal demons about this stuff. But having good friends around is helping out alot and i cant even imagine how id handle dealing with this sort of stuff alone (cause lord knows what little family i got left wouldnt be the most...supportive) anyway uh, gender is fuckin wild and confusing and stupid and simple and everything and nothing and lord does it give me a headache.

[sammy--moh]

A random ramble about my identity, modern queer community and queer history bc I'm hyperfixated

(I don't want slur discourse under my post. I reclaim words that have been directly used to oppress me only and only towards myself, that's where the conversation ends)

(Cis/Hets don't touch this post

Terfs especially don't even look at this post

Anti kink fuckers don't look at this post, kink and LGBT are separate things but you cannot untangle kink history from queer/LGBT history

If your against the use of the word queer, don't clown on this post

Queer cis people are free to interact and add their opinions but don't clown on this post

Trans people and queer punks and activists please interact <3

Any corrections are welcomed as long as their constructive)

So you could probably find a few posts of me talking about some of my more modern and neo/xeno identity labels, its something I'm fairly proud of I'm a neo pronoun user and have been out as a nonbinary man for a long time

But I don't think I talk about my more, I guess classical and older queer labels and that feels disingenuous because I do still love queer history and have a lot of what would be considered ""outdated"" identieies

Yeah I'm a neo user and have some xeno gender labels, and I'm T4T which as far as I know is a label thats been around a long time but its still common and normally used today

But im also just a gender nonconformist(sometimes i use and reclaim the words transexual and transvestite just to piss off cis people who say i cant), i unapolgetically reclaim the word f4g, im in the leather community, I'm a fem man, im a cub, all things that have been around maybe since the 60s - 70s that I/still/ find connection to, comfort and community in

I mean hell I usually consider myself to currently be in a masc 4 fem relationship which you'd probably never guess by just looking at me

Which is another thing! Why is it always assumed that cubs and bears are the mascs?? I think I have more traditionally feminine clothing and presentation then most of my twink friends, I am a big, fat, extroverted, hairy cub and I am still the fem in one of my relationships and very feminine and fem presenting in general

Obviously masc 4 fem is not the only kind of mlm and wlm relationship that's stupid sndnd and expecting it is heteronormative, some people are masc 4 masc,fem 4 fem, heck not everyone /likes/ traditional masc fem labels and that's awesome!

Another thing I don't see a lot of people talk about is the fact that the bear and cub community is objectively a body positivity movement, that's what it started as that's what it always will be

Bear culture was a reaction to the beauty standards of gay culture at the time, when the ideal in gay relationships were young, thin, conventionally attractive gay and bi/multisexual men

Bear culture was specifically made to appreciate, lift up, and love large, hairy,sometimes older gay and bi/multsexual men and cub culture branched off from bears

I'm gonna be honest, I am recovering from a few body image issues and disorders that I wont go in depth on, and bear + cub culture has helped me to love myself and my body and find myself attractive more than any other body positivity space! Not to say other body positvity spaces arent important and needed, but that as a queer trans man this one has been the space I felt the most welcomed in

I wish there were a few expectations we could leave behind, like the idea that bears and cubs only date other bears and cubs, that terms like bear, twink, otter, leather gay, ect are gay exclusive and not just mlm and nwlnw terms, that fem and masc culture are gay and lesbian exclusive (dont come at me there are several moments in history we see these terms used by bi and generally queer men and that show masc and fem culture in bi and generally queer spaces)

I wish I could find more people like me in history, trans men who weren't masc, transmen and transmascs that were unapologetically feminine, I want to find transman queens in history, trans gay and mlm men, it's hard to find.. but I'm almost positive there has to be at least some people like me in queer history

But in general there's so much we can learn and keep from older queer culture that I feel has been lost a lot with younger generations

I love modern queer culture and neo/xeno labels and communities ans MOGAI and the breakdown of gender norms and sexual expectations

But im also unapolgetically a fem, leather loving, kinkster, trans fucking, fat cub, cross dressing faggot

All of these things are me

You cannot untangle or separate these identieies and labels from /me/

There are riots and loss in my history, and there is raw, unapolgetic queer beauty as well. there is pride in my veins, and fight in my lungs, and I wouldn't trade any of it for shit

[peaceandlove26]

ok this is probably silly and pls let me know if you plain just dont want to answer but ive identified as transmasc for a LONG time as you did and now im wondering if im a lesbian. do you have any advice for unpacking all that?

hi there!

so this is difficult because everyone’s experiences are different so there’s no clear answer on how to figure it all out. so this is just My Experience i am NOT an authority. and also if any terfs try to use this as an example of why trans men are fake or whatever i will KILL YOU

i don’t really know how to put this in any linear or coherent way so sorry in advance

first: i don’t know if this is really a good resource bc i found it on reddit. but. something i found really helpful was the lesbian masterdoc. this goes over comphet, which is something i never had a good understanding of until reading the ways it actually manifests. it was a hard read because of just how Real it got for me. the gender section is also really helpful for this particular issue (theres stuff in there for both transmascs and transfems iirc)

as i came to terms with my attraction to women i became more and more comfortable identifying as one. idk why! i guess i felt so out of place in my body (i was a teenager) and in society (i was a weird lesbian) that i misplaced those feelings as dysphoria. or something? idk i slowly became more and more okay with being a girl as i became more and more okay with being a lesbian. (by the way you can ABSOLUTELY be a lesbian and not be a girl. nonbinary lesbianism is awesome)

and speaking of being okay with being a lesbian. that’s HARD! at least for me! my whole life i’ve desperately wanted to Not be a lesbian because subconsciously i thought it made me weird and gross and perverted, because that’s how lesbianism was treated by my peers growing up. bisexuality was fine, weirdly, but “lesbian” was too dirty to even say when i was a kid. a big part of my “journey” was accepting that lesbianism is normal and good actually and i shouldn’t hate myself for liking girls and not guys. this is something i still struggle with but it’s getting better!

but yeah again the lesbian masterdoc was helpful and also i found the subject of this video, while personal, to be very similar to my experiences. maybe you’ll resonate too!

good luck in figuring yourself out and remember there’s no rush! you have your whole life to figure it out!

[horce-divorce]

"Trans men don't need an intersectional word that goes beyond "transphobia" because being a man is not an oppressed identity, it's easier for them to get resources, and they're not affected by transmisogyny"

Words spoken by people who have never met another GNC person offline (or another trans person who wasn't white) even once tbqfh. And yeah access to those spaces is difficult and often gatekept to shit so I don't think that's anyone's fault, esp not transfems. Your brutal exclusion is never your fault. Still, I think it is possible to have these CRUCIAL conversations about transmisogyny and how transfems are affected... without making sweeping statements about what other trans people do or do not experience. It might be easier for people to check their transmisogyny if they could understand how it does in fact affect them sometimes, their behavior, language, and the spaces they frequent, in addition to how it perpetuates this awful exclusion. Being hypervisible and yet constantly excluded IS something that transfems should have a word for. That IS something I do not understand the pain of as a transmasc. It must make them feel utterly insane. By all means, coin more words! It enriches these conversations when we can relate to each other more and we have more language for the discussions we're having. We want to tear down the walls keeping us apart, not build more.

to be clear, I don't think tma/tme are "unnecessary." Transmisogyny is real and transfems do really experience uniquely awful shit, especially from within the community. But that in an of itself is not a unique experience. Being excluded from "women and nonbinary only spaces" is actually not a uniquely transfem experience. So many transmascs do NOT benefit from patriarchy and I am tired of this claim coming from non-transmascs.

HOW we all get policed by our in-groups presents differently, but policing each others experiences is not something that bridges understanding. And I'm sorry but in 3 years of this convo I've not once seen someone bring up tma/tme to discuss transfems without entirely dismissing swaths of other queer people in the process. Maybe im not seeing the good faith takes, idk.

A lot of other bad-faith misinformation is STILL getting passed around about the coiner of the term "transandrophobia" and what it supposedly means, and how the term itself is transmisogynistic. None of that ever matches up with what I actually see in transandrophobia discussions. I see a lot of diverse people discussing and relating to transandrophobia, specifically a lot of tpoc and intersex people, even a lot of transfems. The people who talk ABOUT 'transandropobia truthers' present a much different idea of the discourse we're having than what i actually see. That inconsistency is a red flag for me.

Tldr i think the concept of tma/tme is fine actually, but I disagree with the usage of the term tme specifically. Terms describing what tma/tme are getting at AND transandrophobia can and should coexist. These are not mutually exclusive ideas actually. apparenrly i cant bring up one without addressing the other bc nobody has good faith conversations anymore.

Basically just. Please don't tell me what I have or haven't experienced, and I won't claim to know your pain intimately, either. we can still relate to each other over the ways we've been let down. I feel like that should be the goal, not determining who does or does not deserve to use certain words.

Also as an asexual, the whole "transandrophobia truther" dismissal feels eerily similar to the rampant ages-old acephobia from tumblr we know and love. You guys love mocking "novel" (to you) discourse and then 5+ years down the line acting like you weren't telling us to commit sepukku for suggesting that ace people can be oppressed for our orientation because we "don't even experience sexual attraction and you cant be oppressed for something you dont experience."

self determination is important for all of us for many reasons. I won't tell anyone else what words to use for themselves. If you're TMA youre TMA, end of story. But dont tell me by definition that makes me TME or that I have to use terms I feel are incomplete or inadequately describe my own experience. I'm not asking anyone else to do that.

Anyway.

[cookies-over-yonder]

cookies you've given me too much power by giving me any kind of opening to talk about Glenns gender . let me just say you've brought this upon yourself .

gonna word salad in your ask box about Glenn close <3 also just realized you haven't seen the post I made a bit ago about Glenn being transmasc and amab so I can go over that shit again >:] OK ! so !! in my silly little headcannon , Glenn is amab , but also spends every second of his gay little life fucking with gender . I think in like . his late teens-20s he went by she/her and she was super feminine and she absolutely loved every second of it . I don't think she got any surgeries , but she definitely went on estrogen and I think she probably stays on it even after "detransitioning" . but I think then probably in her later 20s/early 30s she realized she was more of a gnc guy than a girl at that point . so in my oh so humble opinion , bringing my beloved wife Morgan into this , Morgan is a lesbian , please and thank you , no I am not taking further questions (I absolutely am please send me Morgan questions I'm begging you) anyways , so personally I think Glenn was probably fem the entire time her and Morgan were together , i also have many thoughts about Morgan's gender , but were not talking abt her rn <3 anyways ! Glenn ! so methinks that around the time when Nick was born glenn was starting to lean more into the nonbinary side , probably using she/they while Nick was like . 1-4 ish ? and then after that it was they/them for a few years and then after Morgan's death they kinda just ... gave up and decided they didn't need to be bothering so much with gender , he needed to be a good father to his kid . one thing about me is I love thinking about Glenn close , the og repressive guy <3 I think after Morgan's death Glenn didn't really notice all the small joys he dropped because of that . he tried to swipe it all under the rug of just things that happen and obviously it has nothing to do with his spouse's death no-siree :D anyways , after Morgan's death Glenn didnt really let themself find joy in many things . he decided he needed to start becoming at least a little bit more of a "normal parent" . he stopped being comfortable expressing the more feminine parts of themself and it absolutely did not help her through morgans death . methinks Morgan was a lot of the reason Glenn was comfortable experimenting with their gender , and now that she's gone , their feminity just reminds him of her , and as Glenn does , she immediately tries to distance himself as far as possible instead of actually dealing with things <3 I do still think glenn stayed on estrogen bcs they were afraid of change (or at least that's what she tells herself) , and also keeps his hair long . bcs of the rocker vibes (no it's bcs of the transgender spotlight aimed at her constantly) but doesn't really allow themself to dress super feminine , cause they're a dude . honestly . for real . 100% a guy . no girl here . but also . sometimes someone will just see them from the back and ask "ma'am?" and Glenn feels her heart skip a beat bcs *yeah that's me I'm maam* but then instinctively stamps it down with a "nah, but dont worry about it , its chill" i think it probably takes glenn a really long time to be comfortable honestly expressing themself again , but I think eventually she does . it's probably when he gets back with Morgan tho , seeing her again and even before they actually get together honestly . I think they were probably just friends for a while when Morgan was still with Jodie , but even being around her made Glenn more comfortable being herself again <3 Glenn is a very genderqueer to me , I think once they're comfortable wirh themselves again they use all pronouns , but traditionally feminine terms still give them that little jolt of euphoria , even if she's still fine and comfortable with other pronouns as well . there's just nothing to him like wearing a dress and being called pretty , that's all <3

ok i could probably keep going but also my thumbs are tired so that's all for rn , anyways <3 hope you enjoy my silly Glenn rant <3 I love her so much <333

i love this so much!! also i will gladly give you all the power you so desire because i adore reading your rambles!! i'm sorry my response isn't as juicy as this entire ask because i've got a bit of a headache coming on but i want you to know that i really do love your interpretation of glenn's gender ♡

[cruelsister-moved2]

you said you weren't gonna elaborate but ifyou have time could you on that point that most cis women will only give their genitals as what ties them to womanhood. not sure I understand the implication bc in my experience that's true and I've also wrestled with the same idea a lot bc of being in that space between cis and nonbinary where it's like well I don't feel like what society says a woman is but to pretend that all cis women do is misogynistic. jw your thoughts because i think abt it a lot

yeah I think about it too... obligatory The Quote:

anyway yeah I just I don't know how to say this without coming off dismissive to people who find other frameworks useful to understanding their existence but there really is only how you want to live in reality and what gets me is the... assuming people who don't use certain labels dont have the same interior complexity as you(ie the pansexual effect). no one can ever see your internal Experience of Gender and you can never see anyone else's so it feels like there might actually be an upper limit to how useful it is to engage with. idk maybe I'm just too autistic for all this stuff but I feel like on the internal level you, to yourself, are just you. gender is literally a relational framework that we use to categorise OTHER people so we are all going to feel some amount of awkwardness about the attempt to apply it to ourselves internally. I think some people, upon discovering this, are a little too hasty to assume everyone else (esp cis women) has an easy time doing that. So i guess THAT'S what i mean, like a lot of people are just straight up NOT doing that and just not considering themselves as having a say and therefore not thinking about it. which isn't to say that they don't have complex feelings about themselves as individuals in a gendered society, or even that they might not hypothetically feel equal or better about existing in the opposite category, if they were able to consider that for themselves.

Like im femme4butch I'm obviously a big enjoyer of fun with gender performance but I do feel like ultimately your options are like "I'm expected to be in group A but group B feels at least somewhat less terrible to me" or "neither group A nor group B feels at all comfortable for me" or "existing sometimes in group A and sometimes in group B depending on the context is preferable to me" etc. and each of those encompasses a host of internal experiences of gender but it just skips feeling like that is something fundamental that we automatically owe each-other and require to understand each-other and decides that actually in terms of interactions with other humans our efforts are best placed in facilitating others moving through the world in a way that's most frictionless for them. and internally within the LGBT community who even cares because its only recently that cis gay people have even had a category resembling cisness open to them bc previously manhood and womanhood were so inherently contingent upon heterosexuality (spoiler: they still are it's just you can at least theory cut out the gender of attraction and replace it). i think this is why people are increasingly identifying with terms like transsexual again because it DOES feel relevant to their identity that much of their lived experience is organised around moving through the world as other than their cagab. ithink once you acknowledge that gender isn't defined for you (either by your genitals or like your Male Brain or Female Soul or whatever) then it kind of turns the concept of what even is gender into soggy cardboard anyway, and trying to articulate the specific qualities of ur handful of soggy cardboard is largely pointless in comparison to what container youre going to put it in. and if that begs the question of why we're putting soggy cardboard into all these different containers anyway, well then there you go

[gabrielultrakill-bigboobs]

good morning im gonna recreate my pinned

art only: @v1ultrakill-bigpenis jonnus (oc) askblog: @fearfulblade

i’m providence from risk of rain (mentally ill intent) and i like being referred to as that but you can also feel free to call me provolone, maelstrom, or ukulele.

he/they/it pronouns, agender aroace (in a queerplatonic relationship), non-human (petrichorian), mentally ill with several physical problems

i do art (v1ultrakill-bigpenis for just art posts) and writing (Thy_Providence on ao3 for writing stuff) and i’m trying to learn coding and 3d stuff. i also vaguely know how to edit videos but i never find the time or ideas

i like risk of rain, rain world, and ultrakill. you can tell very easily

discord: unmatchedpowerofthesun archive of our own: Thy_Providence steam: linked with my discord but it’s provolone_ (probably cant find it too easily by searching it so just. add me on discord beforehand or smth)

my asks are open but dont be too weird i’m still a shitlet

note: dont refer to me as nonbinary i’m not comfortable with the term since it feels unfitting to me for no reason. if you want to call me anything other than agender just use transmasc

also known as john fiberglass in the main risk of rain discord

——

oh yeah i might as well add a before-you-follow thing below the cut

things to note about me: -i will block you if i dislike you. i will block you if you’ve been a dick to my friends in one way or another. i will not tolerate your presence within 10 meters of me. -i have conduct disorder. i’m going to get angry, and it’s going to be violent. i also struggle to phrase stuff (likely related to my autism) and often misremember stuff, or my brain completely makes up memories from nothing. -i’m an inclusionist, meaning i accept all queer identities, whether they fit an exclusionist’s view of the lgbt community or not. all are welcome here. -i don’t tag my reblogs outside of comments, but some things you might see in my reblogs are slightly suggestive content, gore, and occasionally the shit going on in the world -i reclaim the f-slur here and there. -i reblog shit a ton -i’m very anti-AI. the chatbot that a friend(?) of mine made is a very special exception

straight up block me if: -you’re a pedophile, zoophile, or other shit in similar veins -you glorify/fetishize incest, rape, pedophilia, zoophilia, or other shit in similar veins -you demonize cluster b personality disorders and/or DID/OSDD systems -you’re weird or a whiny dickhead about people who identify as a fictional character -you’re ableist, queerphobic, racist, or other shit in similar veins

[fourteenth-seat]

i really do love paion immensely and i am proud of the immense lore, backstory and intricate design i’ve given him. but i feel at this point it's worth mentioning that i am strongly considering giving up writing him due to the sheer lack of interaction outside of two or 3 people, and another Issue within the rpc at large that has been bothering me a lot lately.  i don’t think a lot of people realize how discouraging it is, penning an unambiously black character character as a black mun. getting much in the way of genuine interaction with paion has honestly been a war of attrition. getting people to interact with him (outside of like maybe the same 3 people, who i love immensely for their appreciation of him) has been like pulling teeth, and it's really not a mystery as to why. it's not because the he isn't visually appealing, and it’s not because he lacks content and aesthetic to be referenced; and it isn’t because i don't go out of my way to follow people, rb and send memes, and avidly communicate, or to post opens -- because i've done all that and continue to do it on the regular, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but it's sure as hell not on account of a lack of overall writing quality, meta, or detail on my part. nah. i know Exactly what's going on here (and to be fair, it's far worse on twtr.) i’m really tired of people either calling me slurs or telling me that azem has to be white/cis/feminine/perisex and cannot be black, nonbinary, or intersex. and dont think i haven't noticed the preference given to white/cis/perisex azems and wols, because i absolutely have.

people will often try to hide their c/olourism, r@cism, tr@nsphobia and i/ntersexism behind the excuse of "selectivity" and "preferences"; and while the concepts of selectivity and preferences are completely valid in and of themselves, using selectivity and preferences as an excuse to justify r@cism, tr@nsphobia, etc. is really fucking gross and has no validity whatsoever.

in all fairness? i would vastly prefer to have people interact with paion because they genuinely want to interact and care about/notice the fact that i put an immense amount of work into his character, but let me tell you, when all the muses you interact with are white/binary/cis/perisex, it's painfully obvious to me what's informing your "preferences" lmao...and these "preferences" are especially hurtful to me as a mun of colour who pens a character of colour. (and i could write an essay about how ppl will more readily support more eurocentrically-appealing/ethnically ambiguous poc-coded characters, especially ones that essentially look like white people with a darker skintone slapped on...whereas unambigously nonwhite characters, ESPECIALLY unambiguously black charactes, get left to the wayside, but this post is already long enough as is.) it’s also incredibly painful to know that i’d recieve a lot more support if my ocs were white and/or lighter-complected in general.

as an actual black intersex trans person who writes an unambigously gay black intersex nonbinary muse, i have zero illusions about the fact that anything i do is bound to be on the bottom rung of the list in terms of what's going to be preferred by a predominantly white/cis/perisex/binary community...and quite frankly, that's not a good look?

 "but tea!" you say. "there aren't a lot of muses of colour!" and yeah but like. why do you think that is? this is EXACTLY why, my dude. i feel like muns of colour often feel unspoken pressure to pen white/lighter skinned muses, not to mention the overall shortage of unambigous characters of colour in fandoms such as x/iv for us to enjoy.

anyway. i said what i meant and i meant what i said when i said in a previous post that i don't jive with this bullshit, and at this point, anon is gonna stay off for a while, and i will be unfollowing people both here and on twtr who are repeatedly given me this vibe. it's not subtle, especially when some of you are straight up sending anon hate. and like if you’re gonna be r@cist, tr@nsphobic, etc. then don’t bother being subtle about it? you might as well just openly declare that you don't wanna interact with black people on your rules page and move on. at least then, we’ll know with certainty where we stand...

[hollyhorseheads]

hi hollyhorseheads all 3 of us. i want a sideblog just for them... fair warning this blog will probably not be used for very long but if you stumble across it like wayyy into the future u are welcome to send me an ask or a message or whatever because this is just a sideblog of my main & i still check sideblog notifs cause it bugs me if i dont make the notification symbol go away LOL

main blog if u follow me on here thats where ill follow back from!!! also where i like posts from (duh) and if you wanna see me yap abt / rb stuff ur free 2 follow

art blog if i post art of these guys it will probably be on my art blog (but ill rb it to here)!! i also post art from other stuff i like but be prepared for long hiatuses 💔💔💔 i tend to go through phases of drawing multiple times a day every day to not drawing for months on end LOL

writing / playlists tumblr this one was SUPPOSED to be my blog for posting fandom spotify playlists i made and then also fanfics i wrote but um. well i do just end up rambling on there occasionally. IF UR LEGALLY A MINOR (or just dont wanna see that shit) PLEASE FILTER OUT MY 18+ POSTS ON THERE THANK U!!!! anyway if i write anything / make a playlist for them (or just want to post abt music and them in general) itll be on there but i will of course rb it here :3

yeah ur free to follow any of my blogs idm!!! and ur absolutely free to unfollow at any time too no hard feelings <3 my final warning is that i do fixate on stuff and change interests sometimes (not, like, often, but a few times a year usually) so youre welcome to follow when im into one thing and unfollow when im into another! my point is that ur always getting a mixed bag with me LOL... the only constant is my love of nonbinary yuri headcanons. hashtag proud himejoshi for LIFE!

thats it i think. oh you can call me mona or ramona i think thats my most used name atm... idm about pronouns or masc/fem/neu terms. use whatevers funniest for the bit. ok? awesome :]

[acreaturecalledgreed]

Hi its that one anon again, for the Multigender asks, I humbly request uh

4,5,6, 7,8, 19, 24, 28, 29

...is that too many numbers.?

hello nonny you are a-okay i just wanted to respond on my laptop b/c im gonna do a lot of writing now cracks every bone in my trash body lets do it

4) When did you first hear about being multigender?

my memory is very not great and i honestly do not recall any specifics, but id ballpark 2014ish was around the time i was realizing "oh i dont have to slide b/t genders, its okay to be more than one at once"

5) Are there any terms under the multigender umbrella that you identify with? (like bigender, trigender, genderfluid, omnigender, multiflux)

i genuinely like pangender and omnigender very much. again, greedy.

6) Do you identify with any umbrella terms that can encompass being multigender, like "trans" or "nonbinary"?

yes! i personally consider nonbinary to be trans, and i am both. i call myself a nonbinary trans man (which is true) when i want to give ppl a not complicated answer.

7) Are your genders more fluid or more static?

i suppose it'd be accurate to say my genders are static in that they dont really shift from one to another but i also do not like the description of "static", it makes me think of stagnancy, and my gender is not stagnant- it gets added to and expanded rather often, its edges extend and recede like a tide

its like. pointillism. i am a painting and every dot is a part of the image

8) Are your genders more separate or blended together?

waggles my hand both kinda, hard to explain, again its the "pointillism" thing

19) When in a situation forcing you into one gender, what do you do?

so i did answer this one before but ill rehash in a briefer way

on non queer spaces i just deal with it and feel bad but theres no point in pushing it b/c i find most people just dont get it or dont really try to and im Very Tired

in queer spaces people forcing me to be just one of my genders is genuinely heart wrenching and makes me feel deeply unwanted, because they only want this specific part of me and not just. me.

24) Do you do (or have you ever done) anything to express pride, privately or publicly, in your multigender identity?

not really, no. its not that i do not want to. i just have trust problems around people and i struggle to have faith that people will not be shit. and privately, i just dont feel a need to justify it to myself, yaknow? i casually incorporate my identity and queerness into all i touch and create, and i think that counts as pride.

28) Are you open/out about being multigender?

anyone who knows me even a little knows im a gender clusterfuck, and i have long since stopped bothering to pretend im any flavour of cis. if people get weird about it its my intent to challenge them then and there. if you wish to be transphobic you must look me in the eyes and know that i am a person and say it and see how brave you are then.

29) Are you open about some parts of your gender identity, but not others?

the more abstract parts of my gender i tend to really just talk about with other trans ppl but mostly just b/c it can be hard to explain to cis ppl "yeah one of my genders is like, a shark, but longer" whereas if i say the same thing in a trans heavy server ppl are like "oh god samesies"

[hypnosiacon-archived]

oh and ✈️

- 🌌 anon

Yesterday I was mindless as fuck, so here my rant about how I don't like the Fandom of my source because of personal to me and Tarn reasons.

✈️: the fact itself is yes, I don't like fandom of our source and I don't like pairings in any way, including the Fandoms I'm not into lol. The more pairings I see, the less likely I will be interested in this source.

Anyways, the long version is under the cut, have fun with this knowledge!

So first of all, yes, these reasons are silly, probably egotistical and tied to us as being from this source + npd where I'm better than all of these people + strange point in being Aroace but being a self shipper and having a "partner" in the source. Aight let's go.

First of all the pronouns. For some reason every time I see a character using she/her or they/them it's always tied to the point that they are fem or nonbinary. That is suspiciously sounds like "pronouns = gender" and I hate that rhetoric because it's false as hell. I don't mind characters using different pronouns, as I really headcanon my husband using Neos lol, but seeing how a new character is using they/them and everyone assumes they must be nonbinary is a little...suspicious. Especially since every single fem character is using she/her, but no one questions it.

Speaking of which. Did you know that the whole Fandom decided that Tarn uses she/her and is a girl? Yeah, that's okay, but for my fucking Quixote, fictive, that's fucked up. It is misgendering for him and he's literally walking on a thin fucking ice when looking for the content for himself. He CAN'T see any shit without it telling him how he's a she/her girl Lesboy etc, any fucking term that makes him anxious and angry. There's almost NO content without reminding him of this, and it makes me and him mad.

Oh and did you know that my husband got the same attention too? His humanisation for some reason is always a white blond skinny girl who's appearance just screams KAREN. And seeing how they ship him with someone who did not fucking care about his mental condition (he was literally abused hello???) and decided to make him even worse by leaving him to die because he just??? Tried to do something to finally get away from this shit???? It feels so... Misogynistic I don't know. Even Titmouse, the only human cis woman in our system, agrees with this. This is just fucked up.

Oh and how you can't look at any tag because they always ship characters? Yeah I dont fucking care how much you love this pairing etc, just fuck you at least TAG IT AS SUCH. I don't fucking care, it's just a simple thing that everyone should do because not everyone supports your ship, and everyone should be mindful of that. I hate how they ship EVERY FUCKING ONE. Just PLEASE I can't take it, there's more shipping art than there's normal art, it's making me mad. They ship anyone without a thought. I don't mind just a handful of pairings and I can list them lol, though even they have problems when looking at how Fandom depicts them. I just... I'm Aroace I can't take it fucking longer. Can I have at least something that is not a fucking pairing. I love the dynamics between these two characters, but because they are working together, because he told the other one that they need to be together (by evil means because he wanted to create a fucking chimeras) or they just looked at each other, OR NOTHING FUCKING AT ALL THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH Other, EVERYONE SHIPS THEM BECAUSE OOH THEY ARE TOOOTALLY ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER YEAH OFC /sarc. I hate when I see why they have this ship, but I don't fucking care if they love it or not. Tag it, fucking TAG IT AT LEAST. I HAVE LITERALLY JUST ONE FUCKING ART OF THIS ONE CHARACTER BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST PAIRINGS DAH

Just fucking UGH I'm tired...

Also hey did you know that two characters were abused and brainwashed to the point of "obsession" to work for their abuser, that when he told everyone that he's done and the war is over, they almost killed themselves? And you know what Fandom did? They ship them with this abuser and calls them fanboys :) I hate it so much

Talk to Tarn about it, he will tell you how much shit Megatron did to him, that he almost fucking KILLED HIMSELF because of this bitch. Yeah, now tell me that is a good Fandom, making fun of mentally ill, brainwashed and abused villains that are literally trying to fucking live. (also bonus point for hellbat who was killed because he was sure that at war everyone is killed and was trying to make his boss kill him, yeah fuck it)

[puphoods]

no offense but theres never going to be any widespread acceptance of nonbinary identities that doesnt come at the expense of it being treated as a third gender category and doesnt exclude and inaccurately portray vast amounts of the community while the gender binary still exists and is being upheld

[criticaaaaaaaal]

so wukong cannonically has a gorl form right? can you draw it if you dont mind me asking?

fem presenting wukong <333333 headcanon time since technically all wukong forms are canon due to his shapeshifter abilities

SOO this is just projection from me. i like hcing him as this nonbinary dude that really doesnt know or care about gender in the sense of his answer to the "what are your pronouns" question is "what the hell are you talking about"

wukong changes his appearance just depending on how he feels. this is also me thinking itd be neat if he's trans in a way where its like. he was technically born with fem presenting traits, but when he learned how to shapeshift he shifted to a male presenting body was like "aw sick, this is cool too" and just stuck with that for a while. but he swaps whenever he wants

(i swear i remember reading a post or a comment somewhere about little hints of wukong potentially being trans. his place as the head of the imperial stables i THINK had something to do with like. old chinese ... symbolism? lore? idk what to call it where female monkeys were associated with it? i THINK???? i am not remembering this right i swear but i remember reading it. if anyone knows what im talking about PLEASE help me out here. also apparently the title monkey king was written with gender neutral terms? also from that post about trans wukong. anyway)

i LOVE wukong. and i think it'd be cool if sometimes he's just like. yeah i wanna be more female leaning today. and then he just does it. i love him

[syscourseofcourse]

seeing a lot of stuff abt what alters can/cannot identify as trans or cis or whatever and i. have a lot of complicated feelings.

yes alters do not technically have agabs seperate from the body. however, saying that, for example, a system whose body is afab cannot have cis male alters or transfem alters because the body is afab is extremely intersexist.

cis and trans, as terms, imply a binary of sex. when you see "cis man" or "trans man" you automatically assume their agab/what their body is like/etc. even nonbinary people are expected and assumed to be "one sex or the other" intersex people are already outside of this binary though. we dont fit the dyadic experience of being cis or trans, and while some intersex people may choose to identify w either of those terms, we dont have to. and because of this our relationship with gender as a concept is often very different than that of a dyadic person's

as an intersex system it gets even more complex. my body is afab. but because i am intersex my lived experience of being afab is Not the same as someone who is dyadic and afab. saying my alters cant have a gender that doesnt fit inside the dyadic cis/trans dichotomy based on my agab (for example, a cis male alter) is completely erasing our lived experience as someone who has consistently felt (and been treated as if) we are not part of that dichotomy. even if we havent always had the words to describe it

saying "all alters in an afab body that have binary genders must be cis women or transmen" (or vice versa) is based on the concept that "cis = aligned with agab" and "trans = not aligned with agab"

that entire concept is based on a dyadic sex binary and completely excludes intersex systems who have never felt aligned or unaligned with their agab.

also. the implication that a dyadic transmasc system couldnt have cis male alters, or vice versa, feels. very off to me. i feel it makes complete sense for a dyadic transmasc system to split a cis male alter. because they could be split from a thought such as "if i were a cis man my trauma wouldnt be so bad" or any other myriad of things.

i think its a little more complicated when you get into transmasc alters in a dyadic amab body and vice versa. because yeah you wouldnt have the lived experience of that. but gender is such a complex thing. there could be, again, a myriad of reasons an alter may feel trans in their gender identity even if their gender aligns with their body's agab. as long as they are not speaking over systems (or singlets) who are bodily trans there is no harm in using the term trans to describe their gender.

again, intersex systems already do not fit into the dyadic cis/trans dichotomy, and intersex systems should not have to justify their alters' genders by disclosing that they are intersex.

and frankly no one should have to justify their alters genders for any reason. just because it is not your experience does not mean it cant be someone else's experience

that said alters in a dyadic body cannot be intersex. because being intersex is having "atypical" sex charactersitics and has nothing to with gender inherently. an alters' appearance within the innerworld may not seem dyadic but they do not have, and cannot claim an intersex experience.

im just. tired of this whole thing feeling like it is entirely overlooking intersex systems. i dont think this is an experience exclusive to intersex systems. but throwing everyone whose alters dont line up perfectly w the dyadic cis/trans dichotomy based on their agab under the bus is absolutely harmful to intersex systems. who, again, should not have to disclose that they are intersex for their alters' perception of gender to be seen as valid or "allowed"

all of this is using a general you