#years later she says she feels bad about how she acted and is queer

[chubblesome]

I wish I could burn this advice inside my eyelids: If someone who used to treat you like shit - be it a friend, family member, or bully - reaches out to you on social media years after the fact, you are under no obligation to accept an apology, justify or excuse the harm they caused you, or accept that they have grown into a better person just because you have.

Once an abusive pattern of behavior is established, it's certainly not going to change with the passage of time alone.

[bestanimatedmovie]

Choose your favorite!

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What fans say:

Inside Out:

Besides the fact of "being a Pixar movie", this movie is a masterpiece, and it has really impacted me. Its message about accepting that "bad" emotions such as sadness are part of life and have its positive side and that "good" emotions like joy can be negative and toxic is really important and one that I'm still trying to internalize 8 years since I first watched the movie.

Wolfwalkers:

The animation is absolutely gorgeous, with a unique style. The music is wonderful, the story is touching. What's not to love!!!!!!

It's beautiful! If I'd watched this as a young girl it would've done something to my brain, in a good way. It's about being stifled by England and those in power, in 1600s Ireland. It's about little girls becoming best friends. It's really sweet, and wonderful. I love the scene where Robyn gets to really have fun and play as a wolf.

Wolfwalkers has beautiful stylized animation. The story is about conflict between the oppressive English colonizers of an Irish town, and their old ways of living in harmony with the forest. When the main character Robyn is in the town, the style she and the backgrounds are drawn in have an angular style made up of flat shapes that don‘t turn in perspective, similar to a woodcut print, showing the limitedness of the town worldview. When Robyn is in the forest at first she is drawn in the town style, but as she is introduced to Mebh, the style shifts to a loose, pencil-lined style with soft shapes and forms that turn three-dimensionally. Later, at key points in the story, Robyn shifts between these styles to reflects whether she is conforming to or breaking away from the town‘s rigid system. It‘s a beautiful way to subtly tie animation to storytelling. I also of course love the story for its queer, environmentalist, and anticolonial themes. It‘s an excellent movie and everyone should see it.

It has some wonderful animation, especially in the wolf scenes, and tells a story that pulls from the history of the English colonisation of Ireland.

The art style is gorgeous and the story is lovely.

It is the most beautifully done 2d animation I've ever seen, beautifully drawn and with such interesting stylistic choices for the backgrounds and the character design, the best shapes. Perspective is really played around with in wide shots that show the town, giving it an even more boxy and closed-off feel to it! My favorite scene would have to be when the song Running With The Wolves by AURORA plays. It makes me cry like a baby they're so beautiful and playful and free and learning to have strength and courage.......

It tells a really beautiful story about identity and friendship and being brave enough to stand up to your oppressors

The animation is gorgeous and well-utilized to convey tone/mood and also little wolf girls are valid and the scenery is [chef’s kiss]

The animation is really stylized which I like. The art style is one-of-a-kind, changing slightly depending on what's happening in the story. Like, for example, Robyn, one of the main characters in the story, started being drawn using cleaner lines when she was still "civilized", in contrast to Mebh, a girl from a tribe that lives in the forest and can turn into a wolf. As Robyn started becoming "wilder", spending time w Mebh, the lineart becomes more sketchy. It's just a really really pretty film. The story is also really really good. The characters are complex and develop throughout the movie. You can understand why Robyn's dad acts the way he does, but still allows him to see the errors in his ways. Also Mebh and Robyn are just fuckin adorable. This movie made me cry so hard and I hardly ever do that Also the soundtrack? MYGOD. perfect. Favourite scene is definitely Mebh and Robyn's wolf scene where Robyn was learning how to be a wolfwalker. The music and animation in that is so good. Idk i really i really love this movie bc it feels so... ALIVE. It uses the animation medium really well, doesn't shy away from the 2Dness and stylizeness of it, which I wish more animated stuff would do.

The animation !!!! Is so gorgeous !!! The art style is so gorgeous, in some places super details and in some moments mimicking medieval styles with symbolic (rather than realistic) perspective, it's so so so beautiful. The music is also amazing, and the story is beautifully put together, it will make you weep.

[jamiedc-they-them]

Being Joel's Surviving Child and an Older Sibling to Ellie Part II

Link to Part I

CW: Normal last of us violence, swearing. Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Bunch of angst. Also, a long one!

So, five years. A lot of can happen in five years.

You’ve almost, almost, gone back to how you used to be. Normal. A citizen rather than a survivor.

You’re more relaxed.

It’s not constant, twenty years of surviving isn’t something you just forget and move on from in an instant.

Your family understands that.

Tommy takes you out on hunts sometimes. It’s a good bonding experience with your uncle.

He has your help with organising patrols. These are the main times you see Ellie. Other than teaching her how to shoot.

It’s nice seeing your sister, though she is more distant.

You just put it up to age. She’s growing and changing, becoming more independent, so she distances herself more because of that.

You and Sarah had sort of done that before…everything.

In a way, you’re envious.

Still though, you just keep going on.

You help out with the town.

Joel checks in every so often. But after a certain period, you can’t quite remember how long into those five years it is, he does it almost all the time.

He acts differently. Softer. 

“Something wrong?” you ask.

“I’m alright, kiddo. Just…feeling my age is all. Do you, uh, do you wanna come over later? Found that sequel. Curtis and Viper 2. ”

“No way?! Hell yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Alright, kiddo. Sounds like a plan.”

You notice Ellie’s absence. You don’t question it, though. Her and Dina have been talking lately. From the brief interaction you had with the girl, she was sweet. She was kind to Ellie, as was Jessie. You liked that they had a little group.

When you next see Ellie before a patrol, you talk to her.

“Didn’t see you at Dad’s last night.”

She turns to you, but you can tell she’s more tense now, “Oh, shit. Yeah, sorry. I was out with Dina and Jessie,” she does sound genuinely apologetic. You miss the mistrust in her eyes. It flickers only for as second, but you still miss it.

“It’s cool,” you say, waving it off, “just be careful, yeah?” 

“Always am,” she assures, putting her pack on her horse and mounting up, letting you take them outside the stables, “besides, with your training, how could I go wrong?” 

“Exactly,” she chuckles at your response, “Just…talk to each other, yeah? Whatever it is.”

She sighs. She wishes it was that simple, but she tells you she will.

She loves you, but doesn’t like you meddling sometimes. Joel too.

Sometimes, you’ll take her on a run. Or one of her friends.

It’s through this, you get the idea that someone has a crush. Dina asks you things about Ellie; favourite food and what not.

You don’t always have the answers, but you do have an idea of what is going on.

You don’t pressure Dina or her on it. Though you do ask one about the other every now and then to try to gauge it and push them to admit their feelings.

You were never into the whole love thing, so this is not your field. But they are adorable, the pair. Jessie is a good friend. Loyal. He opens up a bit more to you. He’s funny, too. Casual. Good person.

Brings out your lighter side.

Seth isn’t an awful guy, but is a homophobe. 

Ellie seems to have a six sense with you, despite the distance she’s caused, and always finds you before anything bad happens.

Her own blood boils when he calls you a “queer” in an insulting way. But she always drags you back, keeping herself between you and him. Her eyes on you as she forces you not to make a scene.

This happens with a few other troubling people in the town.

She also gives you a place to crash when you want to, or are drunk. You do that a bit. Trying to tame the loudness in your head.

It worries her, but she’s gentle. If you ever wake up from a nightmare and are around her’s, she wakes you up. 

“It’s ok, Y/N. It’s ok. It was just a dream. I’m here. I’m here,” she puts a hand to your cheek, “I’ve got you.”

Sometimes she’ll stay with you. Sometimes you both stay up together. Sometimes she sits with you until you drift off, looking at your gentle form, before going to bed, wishing she could stop whatever is plaguing you.

You’re her sibling, older sure, but she loves you.

Sadly, she never gets a chance to ask you, as she soon is plagued by similar nightmares. 

A golf club kills your father, and she had no choice but to watch.

Dina arrives before you, Jessie being the one who fetched you when Joel didn’t come back.

Dina gets Ellie up and out, but Jessie sees you frozen, just staring at your father. Or what’s left of him.

He sees your fist start leaking blood. You don’t notice. Your eyes are glassy, but no tears fall.

You’ve shut down.

You don’t even register him leading you away. Mentally, you’re still there.

Maria visits you.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, sitting next to you on your bed, “C’mere.”

She tries to hug you, but you lean away. 

You stand up, arms crossed, facing away from her.

“What’s that?” she prompts, not hearing what you said just then.

“It should’ve been me,” you say, a bit louder.

“Y/N. No. No, it, no it shouldn’t of been.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know…” 

“He’s dead…”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

She goes to hug you, or try and help, but you scream, back away, and then run from your room and out of your house, tears be damned.

Dina hears you sprinting, just seeing you as you trip over trying to get into the cemetery.

“Shit,” she says, going to help you up, “hey, Y/N. Hey!” she’s gentle, but you flinch at her loudness, “Look at me,” you do, eyes frantic. She hates her friend in pain like this, “I have you. I -”

“I need him,” her heart breaks. You sound like a scared child - she doesn’t blame you, this is a horrible situation - and not the late thirties person that you are.

You sob, putting your head in your hands as you just break completely.

You then fall back in the snow.

“Sarah would’ve been able to control herself. She would’ve stopped this.”

“Y/N,” Dina crouches near you, ignoring the cold, “you aren’t expected to just control this. There’s no precedent for this.”

“Sarah was. Henry and Sam were. Tess was.”

“They weren’t your fault.”

“Then whose were they?” 

She doesn’t have time to answer you, as Ellie clears her throat.

Ellie moves to you, her too crouching down, “I’m so sorry,” she says, voice raw, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Despite what Dina just tried to get you to understand for yourself, you impart it to Ellie, “It’s not your fault, El. It’s not your fault.”

Dina hates what this has done to you both. Broken you both. Her girlfriend and friend who looked out for her.

You both go to Joel’s house, and she waits outside for you both.

“Can…can you…” Ellie can’t finish her words.

Wordlessly, you nod, opening the door and going inside. 

You’re both slow, looking around.

You even find the copy of Curtis and Viper 2, you let out a choked laugh at it.

Ellie takes the revolver, but hands you the watch.

“I think…I think he’d want you to have this.”

 You take it, and put it on your arm. It fits you just as well as it fit him.

You look at your little sister. He’s gone, so you have to step up.

You go where she goes. That’s your job: you protect, you guide, you support.

Maria isn’t happy with Tommy going, and tells you guys to go get him.

Before you leave, Maria stops you.

“Please make sure you come back too, Y/N, ok?” 

You nod, “you can count on it.”

She doesn’t think she’s ever been more scared of you. The flicker in your eye. The crazed look of someone on the edge of breaking completely, and with one more promise on the line.

It’s the look of someone who will do all they can for that promise. No matter the cost.

As said before, she’d heard the stories of what you and Joel did to survive, how you were so young and lost your soul in the name of survival and control.

The last five years had seen you return to normal. 

That had now been taken.

So, off you go to Seattle. 

You tell them all the memories of this place you can remember. From small trips and what not. Dina paints a picture of Sarah in her mind as you describe your actions with your twin. 

Randomly, small facts come back to you about the place. They’re always impressed by your vast knowledge (you doubt a lot of it is true, but there are one or two you know are facts).

Then you’re brought back to how the world is with them asking you how old you were in your first kill.

The age gap between you and them is shown, as you try to water it down. You tell yourself it’s to protect them, but really it’s just to protect yourself.

“We’re old enough to know, Y/N,” your sister says, “or are you forgetting about David?” 

The words sting. Ellie regrets them. You just ride on ahead.

“Who’s David?” Dina asks.

“An arsehole. He’s dead now.”

“Did he do something to you?” 

“Tried to. But he also made he break a promise I made to Y/N.”

“And what’s that?” 

“Doesn’t matter now.”

Dina nods, respecting the boundary. It makes her miss her sister more, having inside secrets that friends wouldn’t know.

When it comes to climbing, Ellie goes, joking about your age and your back. It brings her back to simpler times.

“Did I do something to make her upset?” you ask Dina as you wait for Ellie to open the gate.

“Oh. No, I don’t think so. She didn’t say anything to me about something like that. Why?” 

“Just…I don’t know.”

“You’re not gonna lose her, Y/N,” she assures.

“I thought I wouldn’t lose my dad, either,” it’s a cheap shot, and she knows it’s not being fired at her, but she still flinches at it, “sorry,” you say.

She nods, “it’s ok,” though there is hurt in her voice.

Ellie shows you the map, handing it to you every now and then to double check where you’ve been and haven’t been. Sure, things are marked on and off, but she doubts herself a bit. 

Dina moves past the awkwardness between you both, listening as you and Ellie swap stories about Joel.

Dina is happy to hear them, at least you both aren’t completely drowning, you’re keeping each other afloat, and she’s glad to be of assistance in that. 

Dina opens up to you both about being Jewish. You always liked the idea of a god, but never believed yourself. Especially not after the apocalypse, but the hope it gave her was something you understood.

Ellie was that hope for you. If she was alive, and happy, you were happy. 

If what was left of your family was ok, you were ok.

That was why you had to make this right. Make it mean something.

When it comes to combat, you take the lead. Giving them orders. It makes it seem more controllable that way.

Most times, it goes wrong, with you having to adapt, but the feeling it gives you before that keeps you going.

Ellie and you are a deadly duo, Dina notes. Able to read each other’s minds and actions. You seem to forget Dina is there for a moment, your soul focus being on your sister. 

One time, with you all being pinned down, you shot someone who was going to sneak up on Ellie, only for Dina to take a hit.

You helped patch up her wound, but avoided her eyes.

She doesn’t want to hold it against you. You’re her friend, and Ellie’s sibling. You’ve been good to her on runs. You were honest with her about things. While she knows she’d be like this had her sister still be alive, but it does scare her what it can do. 

Yes, she’s following you because she cares about you both, but she’s also scared for you both. What you’ll do. How you’ll do it. What you’ll lose in the process.

Ellie is taken, and you don’t talk the entire way to rescue her. Dina follows, and sees how good at tracking you actually are. 

Dina is shot through the roof, and one bullet catches you. You lay on the roof.

Ellie shouts up to you, telling you to “find another way to get this fuckers!” 

You hesitate, and she seems to tell, “Go!” She yells, “trust me!” 

You do, but you can’t find another way in. Your heart hammers, hearing only the chaos inside.

They’re out of your sight. What if they get hurt? What if they die? You lose more of your family?

You reunite outside, and you check them numerous times for injuries. 

“We’re fine. We’re fine, Y/N. Look, look! No wounds,” she shows you. You just pull them both in for a hug. 

Ellie remembers Joel doing that at the hospital…though she doesn’t push away this time, not wanting to raise suspicion or confront you on it just yet. She doesn’t want to lose you too.

You find more images, and one of the people from the photos is dead. 

Dina looks to you, “What the fuck have we gotten involved in?” 

“I don’t know,” you say, honestly, “but we just need Abby.”

“Y/N, this is insane. What if they already got her?”

“They wouldn’t have,” Ellie says.

“How do you know?” Dina challenges.

“Gut feeling.”

Dina looks to you.

“Let’s go,” is all you say.

Ellie’s secret comes out about the immunity, and you all barely escape with your lives intact and make it to the theatre. 

Dina reveals she may be pregnant and Ellie snaps. You don’t follow her, instead, you sit with Dina. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she says.

“I get it,” you say, “it’s scary. Especially in a world like this.”

“Do you think it would be ok? Even after all this?”

“It will.”

“You can’t promise that Y/N,” she hopes you’re right, but is being more real about it.

“I can. I can,” you say, nodding, but you look away right after.

She nods once, before laying down. 

You find yourself falling asleep on the floor. You dream about Sarah.

Ellie remembers the birthday gift you and Joel gave her. That was a good day. A day of your bonds being the strongest.

You have a memory of a time when she fixed something, some dickhead bully. He never bothered you again.

You wish that either she was here instead of you, or you could do what she could.

Ellie wakes you up, nervously asking if you can come with her.

“We’ll make sure Dina is safe. I just…can we go together, Y/N? Please?”

You nod, leaving with her. Dina just asks you both to be careful.

It’s quiet, at the start as you both set off on your journey to find Tommy.

“Did I do something?” You ask as you search a store.

“What?” 

“Did I do something?” 

“No,” she says, not completely lying. 

“Is there a reason you and dad weren’t talking as much? Was it the party?”

“Mostly.”

“‘Mostly’?”

“It’s complicated,” it both is and isn’t true.

“You can talk to me, you know?” 

She wants to more than anything, but that would be - potentially - driving away the one piece of this family she has left that has been with her through so much.

“I will, ok? Just, give me time?” 

You want to press her on it, it sounds bad. Especially if it drove your sister and father apart. But, to keep her happy enough, you find yourself saying the one thing that can do that:

“Ok.” 

Ellie and you find the archery statue. She holds it up and turns to you.

“People cared about this stuff?” 

“Sure, sometimes.”

“You think this thing was worth a lot?”

You chuckle, “not money-wise, no. Thing was probably cheap as anything. But, sentimentally? Yeah, definitely.”

“Why’s that?”

“Made people feel valued. Wanted. Like they actually accomplished something.”

“This little thing did that?”

“A lot of things can do that.”

She nods, but can understand what you really mean. It’s why you’re here after all.

It makes her feel valued. Less alone. 

She does have to admit, seeing you not drowning or shutting down in your grief as you had before was a genuine relief to her.

But, she does know you. She’s known you for like six years at this point.

She can see it’s getting to you. 

You look at the blood on your knuckles more. You check in with her more. Making sure she is ok.

She tries to with you, but you just turn it around on her.

With Jessie, you drive. She rides shotgun, and Jessie sits in the middle. You almost die, but you’re just thankful Ellie learnt how to swim.

Dina and Jessie reunite. You see Ellie walk off, you watch the friends and exes reunite.

“Look, Jessie, I -“

“It’s cool, Y/N. Really. I’m not angry.”

“You’re not?” You did sort of go into this whole thing thinking he would. Though, maybe that was just because of the shows Sarah made you watch when younger.

He chuckles, “Yeah, all good. I mean, it’s a lot. But, Dina and Ellie are my friends. I want them to be happy. Their problems, are my problems.”

“That’s a sweet way to live, kid.”

“You’re my friend too, you know.”

“I’m older.”

“So?”

“I take on more problems for everyone. It’s my job.”

“That’s not healthy,” where’d he read that?

“We ain’t in a healthy world.”

Ellie has a mostly good memory of you, the strings incident. Well, good with you anyway, though at that point you had started to catch onto something being wrong. Still, you like that your dad is trying now with the comics. He and you had even had some discussions.

With the Bloater, you just held Ellie in your arms as Joel took it down.

With the couple and the lie you’ve both spun to her, you’re silent while Joel doubles down on it. She’s catching on, and you don’t like that.

Reminders of the lie you told her about being there.

Whenever you remember a birthday, you ignore that bit. You just remember the dinosaur.

With the strings, you focus on the bloater part and the comics.

With the sewers, it’s you who goes out the window. She doesn’t even think before jumping in to try to find you.

You drag her out of the water.

“What were you thinking?!” 

“Me?! What the fuck were you thinking?!” 

“I had to protect you, El!”

“You scared me! I thought you were dead, you arsehole!” 

She hits you in the shoulder, and then you both take pause. 

You’re both disturbed by the Seraphites.

“You think we should have a code like that?” She asks you as you make your way through a building.

“Would be useful,” you admit, “maybe you learning to whistle weren’t for nothing.”

She gives a humoured scoff. But she’s glad you can still have these moments.

She’s glad she hasn’t lost you. She just hates that internally she adds a ‘yet’ to that.

Before the camp, however, she turns to you, “I need to do this on my own.” 

“What?” 

“Look, there could to spores in there. And I don’t want you getting infected.”

“The fuck are you talking about, Ellie? We stick together.”

“Do you trust me?” 

It seems like you hesitate, but really she sees you weighing up the options in your head.

You nod.

“Hey,” she grabs your hand with hers, “I’m coming back, ok? With that bitches head. I promise,” she squeezes your hand.

You look one more time to the camp, then back to your sister. 

“I don’t like this.”

“I’ve got this,” she says. Your eyes soften at her echoing words.

You nod a tiny bit. You know she does.

You make your way back to the theatre.

“Y/N…” Dina says when she sees you, “Oh. Oh, god, is Ellie…” 

“No,” you say, instantly, “No. She’s fine. Just thought she should go alone. Spores and whatnot. Don’t exactly have my mask.”

“You sure it’s a good idea to leave her on her own?” Jessie asks. He means well, but he is also their age.

“She’s got this,” you assure her friends, “she’s tougher than you think.”

“I know that,” he says, “it’s just…with her state of mind.”

“I’m worried about her too. But, I’d be no use to her dead.”

“To any of us, Y/N,” you smile a little at Dina’s words. 

“So, what do we do?” Jessie asks.

“We wait for her to come back. I’ll, uh, give you two some space to talk about the whole…kid, thing.” You clear your throat, doing that.

Ellie returns when you’re asleep. Jessie wakes you up.

“Where is she?” 

“With Dina,” you get up, and Jessie knows what your plan is, “I think we should just leave them for tonight. Dina’s got her.”

“I could help.”

“I’m not saying you can’t,” despite the almost twenty year gap between you both, he seems to be the more mature one at times, “but you don’t need to smother her.”

Your eyes look dangerous when you look at him, “I ain’t.”

“I’d follow you, Joel, Ellie, or Dina anywhere, Y/N. But, Y/N, there’s gotta be a line where you walk away.”

“Not with her. Not with this.”

“I know Joel was a good man; he was a good father to you both. But, look, Dina’s pregnant. We aren’t exactly going to find her help out here, are we? And I know, you wanna help Ellie; but…she’ll listen to you.”

You go to check on your sister, she shivers, her wounds making you sick. 

You sit next to her, and move the cover she has over her a bit more. She flinches a bit. You mule over Jessie’s words.

You go with them, giving Dina a bottle of water, and leaving too.

However, you then see how high the water is out there. And you see Ellie’s plan to steal the boat.

Jessie starts to back away. Ellie then looks to you

“Not you too,” she says. Damn it, she knows you too well.

“El -”

“Don’t do that. Please don’t fucking do that.”

“I just think –”

“I didn’t think you’d leave me too.

“I’m not –”

Guys,” Jessie tries to interject, noticing your voices going up a notch in volume. You hold your hand up to silence him, then gesture with your hand to lower the volume. Even in her pissed off state, she agrees to that.

“I thought you’d have my back on this,” she says, quieter.

“I have your back. Really, I do. But I’m gonna have to pull rank on this and –”

“‘Rank’?” 

“I’m the older sibling. I have to look out for you.”

“Then do that by coming with me on that fucking boat. If we fall in, we can both make it back to the boat. I need you to trust me.”

“And I need you to listen to me.”

“They killed, Joel. What if it was me?”

“That’s not fair.”

“If it was you, you would want us to try, at least.”

“I wouldn’t know, would I?” you take a breath, “we should just go home. Ok?” 

“You go, then. I’ll see you there later,” you open your mouth to argue, but she beats you to it, “fuck off then, coward.”

The words sting. You want to say more, to try and get her to see the way things are going. But you realise, maybe too late, that you can’t stop her. You can’t control her.

Jessie says what is on your mind:

“I really hope you make it.”

He respects your silence on the way back to the theatre.

You don’t explain to Dina, you just go to your own little space.

“Are they ok?” Dina asks Jessie.

“Ellie and them had a fight.”

“Oh…” she says, looking to the stairs, “should we go check on them?”

“No. No, I think they need some time alone, you know? I don’t think they’ve really had time to unpack everything.”

“None of us have,” it had only been a few days after all.

“That’s true. But, he was Y/N’s dad.”

“You know, at first, I thought Y/N was Ellie’s dad.”

“Yeah?” Dina chuckles a bit.

“Yeah. I mean, you seen how protective they both are…were, over her?” 

“Y/N still is.”

“Yeah…” Jessie looks to the stairs too, “that’s what scares me.”

Jessie leaves on a quick patrol of the area and finds Tommy. He brings him back.

You come down and see your Uncle in the first time in what seems like forever.

“Hey, kid,” he says to you.

He doesn’t get a warm welcome, instead, he gets shoved. Then slapped.

“You left, your goddamn wife! She’s worried sick about you, Tommy!”

“I know, I know,” he says, but you don’t stop there.

“You could’ve died, and we wouldn’t of known. You fucking idiot!” 

The younger two have never heard you so loud. Not even when fighting Seth.

“I KNOW!” Tommy roars, “They killed my brother! I had to try, Y/N! I had to do something.”

“And how’d that fucking go?” you sneer.

“I saw her,” he says, “I saw the bitch that killed her.”

“Yeah? Where’s her head?”

Tommy looks almost ashamed, looking at the ground as he answers you, “she had a kid with her. They beat me. Almost drowned.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t. I’m glad you didn’t, Uncle Tommy.”

He nods, “Me too, kid.”

It’s then, you hug him.

Time goes on a bit longer before Tommy and him decide to leave to find Ellie. They hear on the radio about the Aquarium. 

Dina is the one who asks you to stay, “please. I don’t want to be alone. I’m scared.” 

You tell the other two to go and stay with Dina.

You keep her drinking water. Try and keep her as well as you can.

She falls asleep, and you try your best to get her to bed ok, though she does stir awake at one point. But, only slightly, she falls back to sleep pretty easily. You get her in bed, trying to get her comfortable.

You don’t exactly envy her situation, especially given how hard it would’ve been in the old world. This new one just added more challenges. 

Still, you wanted to help. Just how was the question?

You hear the door close and cautiously see who it is.

It’s your friends.

You see Ellie, eyes distant and scared.

“Hey. Hey, what happened?” you ask, moving on from the words exchanged earlier.

You look to Tommy, he shakes his head: not now.

“Do you wanna go see Dina?” she nods, “Ok, kiddo. Ok. I’ll take you to her.”

You’re slow with your movements, moving at her pace.

When she sees Dina, she is less tense. You let her go, and she goes to Dina, laying down next to her and moving some hair back. 

You close the door gently, before going downstairs.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened?” 

“One of the girls she killed,” Tommy pauses, puts his head in his hands, and pushes his hair back, “she was pregnant, Y/N.”

“Jesus,” is all you can say as you sit on the stage. 

“Yeah,” is all Tommy can say as he sits next to you. He then looks around the theatre.

“You remember when you and Sarah came here?” 

You smile a bit, “yeah. Or, well, somewhere like here.”

“Nope. Pretty sure it was here,” you have no idea if he’s fucking with you or not.

You narrow your eyes at him a bit.

“I’m serious,” he says, “can’t remember what we saw, mind. But, it was right here we saw it.”

“Hm. Quite the legacy,” you admire.

“Ain’t it just.” 

A quiet few moments go by.

“I think we should go home,” you say.

Tommy nods, “Yeah. Though, not exactly looking forward to Maria kicking my arse.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t gonna be able to help with that.”

“Maybe I’ll use you as a shield.”

“As if she’d let you,” you say, “She loves me.”

“I’d like to think she loves me more.”

“Uh-uh, told me herself.”

“Did she now?” 

“Oh yeah.”

It’s nice, this moment of normalcy.

“Go get some rest kid, we got a long trip tomorrow.”

“Guess you’re right,” you say, standing up and stretching, “night, Uncle Tommy.”

“Night, kid.”

You don’t sleep too long. Your instincts tell you something is going on.

You go to the main lobby and see Tommy on the floor, an arrow in his leg.

“Hands up,” you say, pointing your pistol at…shit, it’s Abby. And the kid Tommy mentioned.

“Y/N, run!” Tommy calls out.

“I ain’t leaving you,” you say to him, keeping your eyes on your father’s murderer.

“It’s you,” Abby says in realisation, “you’re the one who Marlene took as bait for…for him.” 

“You took him from me,” you spit.

“And yours took mine. Now you know how it feels.”

“We just gonna stare at each other?” 

“Not if you move. You’re not on my list. The girl is who I want.”

“So you can run more tests? There ain’t no cure.” 

“No. No, the cure is long dead. On that, we can agree.”

“I’m not letting you get my sister.”

She steps a bit closer, gun aimed up a bit, “Then I’ll take you both. I don’t care.”

You look to the boy, “You found the one good Seraphite?” 

“Just as quick as the rest.”

“Ok then,” you say, putting your gun down, hands raised, “then take me.”

“NO!” Tommy shouts, getting a kick in the gut.

“Maybe I would’ve,” she admits, “but not anymore. You’ve both taken too much from me. All you had to do, was stop. To get her to stop.”

You go to say something, but the door bursts open.

A few gunshots go off. You ignore the burning sensation on your body, and instead, try and deal with the one at your throat, the arm Abby has around it crushing your available air.

“Come on out! Or this one’s next!” Abby calls out.

“Ok. Fuck!” Ellie throws her gun away, standing up, hands raised, “you did this because of me, right? Because they both saved me? It’s me, I’m the one you want. Just let them go, ok?” 

Abby presses the gun into your head, “we let you live,” she says to Ellie.

“I’ll let you live,” Abby says to you, “but I swear, if I see you again, I will kill you.”

Your world then goes dark. But you hear your sister yell out your name.

You wake up to silence. 

Your vision goes double. You vomit on the floor.

Once on your feet, you slowly make your way down the theatre. You wished for music. You wished for something. Some sound to signal life.

You get backstage, and see a hole in the floor. You don’t even think before dropping down it. It doesn’t help your vision or unsteady legs. Shaking your head and getting to your feet once again, you’re greeted with your sister, coughing blood on the floor, and Dina bleeding from her head, unconscious. 

You go to your younger sister, fall down and hover over her. She just coughs more.

You don’t know what to do. You just put her head in your lap, running your hand through her hair.

If this is it, then so be it.

You go to sleep, not expecting to wake up again.

You do, and Ellie is quietly saying your name.

You look down, an unknown amount of time having passed.

“Are….are you…?” 

“Here. Present. Alive.” you say.

“Dina…” You look to your friend. Gently putting Ellie back down, you turn Dina over. The baby bump looks ok. You get some cloth and put it on her head.

“I think the baby’s ok.” 

Ellie lets out another cough, this seems to be her attempt at a sigh of relief.

How you get out, you can’t remember. But you do.

Ellie leaves Jackson. But you’ve already gone before then.

You can’t deal with all the looks from everyone. And what you gather to be a disappointed look from Maria when you bring Tommy in.

You aren’t far from it, instead just living in the woods.

You go to the same part of the water you went to clean yourself in after Henry and Sam died. You don’t really care you’re stealing the Jackson community water technically, you just use it.

You figure this will all help clear your head. It’s neutral. 

Maria comes to visit you, bringing some extra supplies. You just thank her.

She updates you on Tommy. Even tells you they split.

You just give her your condolences and go back to your little hobbit existence. Just you and a tent.

The final time Maria visits you, it’s to ask for you to go with Tommy. He wants to visit Ellie.

“I think she could use your company, too.”

Maria is still family; as is Tommy; as is Ellie.

You have to pick up the load now that Maria shares.

“Ok,” you say, voice croaky from a few months of disuse.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod.

She smiles a bit, happy that you’re somewhat in good standing with each other.

Tommy tries to make conversation with you, but you ignore him the whole ride down.

You help him off his horse and send him up the stairs first to the door.

You take in the place. It’s got a nice view. They’ve done well for themselves.

Dina greets you warmly.

“Hey, Y/N,” she says, giving you a hug.

“Hey, hon,” you say, hugging her back.

She takes a look at you, looking at your face and moving it around with her hands, “you had it rough, huh?” her voice is soft, unjudging.

“Sort of?” you say, unsure of how else to answer.

“Well, sit down. We’ll get you cleaned up.”

Then Ellie comes in, with a baby. 

She pauses at seeing you both, but a whole flood of emotions comes to her when she locks eyes with you.

“Hey,” is all she can get out.

“Hey,” you say.

It’s all going ok. Then Abby is mentioned again, and the mood turns sour.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” you say, hand going down your face.

“Now, don’t you fucking start –” Tommy starts to say.

“We ain’t doing this, Tom. You said you wanted to talk to her.”

“I am,” he protests, though does note your lack of ‘Uncle’ being used, “that’s all we doing.”

“Is it hell,” you say, trying to not teach the kid bad words this early. Like your dad did with you and Sarah.

“Oh, so now you wanna talk, huh?” Tommy challenges.

“We ain’t doing this here. Especially not in front of the kid,” you say, pointing to JJ. He grabs you finger, cooing as he moves it around. You move a bit closer, hand going through his hair, as your eyes stay on Tommy.

“Can you hold him?” Dina asks. You do. He complains at first, being away from his mother, but settles into you in the next moment. Dina takes Tommy outside.

“You’re a natural,” Ellie says, somewhat brightly. You start to rock from side to side gently as JJ settles even more, head on your shoulder.

“Yeah. Somehow,” you joke. Ellie scoffs humorously. 

“I’m glad you’re ok,” she means it.

“Ditto,” as do you.

The silence is awkward, and you see her eyes go to the map.

“Don’t,” you say, “don’t mess this up.” At ‘this’ you swirl your finger around the area.

“Ok,” she says. You look into her eyes that flicker down to the map every so often. You’re looking for signs of bullshit. You find some. You just don’t say anything.

“Ok,” you say.

Tommy leaves, but you stay the night. You get to know your nephew a bit more. He’s lively.

Dina and Ellie both show you around the farm. The sheep are nice. They help calm you down. Even JJ loves petting them.

Dinner is nice. They can both cook. You both even dance a bit. Just minus bigots being there, even better!

Then comes to bed. They show you your bedroom. You thank them and head in.

Early in the morning, you head downstairs, taking the map and putting it in your bag.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, coming downstairs, Joel's jacket over her shoulders.

“Trying, one last time.”

“To do what?”

“To stop you from this spiral being complete.”

“I’m not spiralling, Y/N. I’m hurting, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

You sigh, sitting down, “You know, back in the old world, they had things called therapists. You ever heard of them?” she shakes her head, “they’d talk to you, try to help you find a way through. I’m sure there are some who would fit that role your age without knowing the turn, or just people my age who became them, but the talking bit I can do.”

“I don’t want to talk. Give me the map.”

“So you can run off and get killed?” 

“I won’t get killed.”

“How’s that?”

“You and Joel showed me how to survive.”

“And anyone can get a lucky shot in. I mean, Christ, look at Tommy, a bullet through the head should’ve killed him.”

“But he’s still alive. And so are you. I don’t want anyone else to almost die because of me.” you can hear the slight crack in her voice.

You know you could keep doing this with her. Going in circles. Your own spiral.

But, you’ve drained yourself.

So, you stand up, and take the map out of the bag. 

You see Dina peak from around the corner, but you’re quick in your eyes going back to Ellie, who is watching you, eyes glassy, and tense.

You approach her, and put the map into her hand, “I love you, Ellie. Far as I’m concerned, you’re my blood,” you grab her face in your hands, “You always will be, ok? But, if you do this, I won’t be here when you get back.”

Either timeline her brain cooks up as to that meaning scares her.

“Ok,” she says, even as her voice wobbles and tears threaten to fall. She takes the map and goes to her bag. You hear her sniffle from the kitchen.

You turn to Dina, and knock your head to the kitchen. She goes down. You sit on the chair in the living room as they share a goodbye.

Dina then comes back, you hug her. You hear the back door close. Ellie seemingly didn’t want to confront you again.

“What…what happens now?” Dina asks you in hiccups.

You kiss her head, “well, I’m gonna get some supplies from Jackson, and go back to my little home.”

“Can you…can you help me move some things back there, please?”

You hug her a bit tighter, “course, kiddo.”

“Thank you,” she says as you pull apart.

You smile down at her, “you’re family,” is all you say.

The three of you head to Jackson, you help Dina set up in her room. 

“Thank you. I mean it. Please visit, that’s all I ask. Don’t do that other way out. Please.”

You sadly smile at her, “I’ll do my best on the last part. I’ll swing by, though. Promise.”

“Ok…ok,” she hugs you again.

“I think you would’ve liked my sister,” she says, voice muffled by her shirt.

“Bet I would’ve,” you agree.

You go back to your tent; luckily, nothing has happened to it. 

You go on a hunt and start skinning your deer. You hear a twig snap, and a quiet “shit” from the person you know who broke it.

You continue skinning, then start cooking. Ellie takes a seat on the log.

You look at her, seeing her casual clothing, and that she’s missing two fingers.

You don’t say anything. She watches you, eyes going to the fire every so often, fingers playing with themselves. 

Wordlessly, you hold out a small cup of water. She takes it, and drinks from it, before handing it back to you.

It is then replaced with some meat.

She eats, then looks back to the water.

She feels something hit her feet. Looking down, she sees a sleeping back. Looking back up, she sees you trying to do another tent. 

She finishes her food, and approaches you, “I’ve got it,” her voice quiet, drained, hurt.

You don’t look at her as you go with your own food. 

“Can you help me, please?” she asks. You pause, putting your food back into the bowl, before getting up and helping to finish her tent.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod, before finishing your meal.

You then set up your sound traps.

“Is that like Bill’s?” she asks.

“Yup,” you answer.

“Cool,” she says.

You just nod.

Once they’re done, you retire to bed yourself.

Ellie stays up, just looking at the fire, then down at her fingers that can no longer play the guitar.

She goes into her tent. The bed isn’t too uncomfortable. Yet she’s still restless.

She hears you snore a bit from the tent diagonal from her.

She shuts her eyes. In her mind’s eye is one of you, her, and Joel having a snowball fight. It’s nice. Warm. Fuzzy. Happy.

You have a dream of Sarah. Of one time of you both comforting each other after a sad film, just holding each other and crying. It’s sad but comforting. 

The dream changes, Ellie comes and sits next to you, and a new movie starts: Curtis and Viper 2.

You all pull up the shared blanket.

It’s a dream, you know that.

Yet you find comfort in it.

It drowns out what’s actually happened. What’s actually been lost.

The illusion will shatter as soon as you wake, as it always does.

But you hope you can dream a bit longer.

Escape the broken bonds you have to go back to at some point.

The sad existence you live.

The emptiness you feel.

The one your sister has too.

Maybe you can overcome it, one day.

But you both know that day is far away.

And it terrifies you both…

[aromantic-diaries]

so, im both aro and ace (despite the amount of sex jokes and calling people hot, still asexual)

well, this is a long story, sorry in advance

so, im talking to this friend (A) here, he says something that is sooo aro-coded, and im like "this guy is probably aro-spec too and maybe he doesnt know so lets help a little" and i tell him to read loveles because 'the main character is very relatable', he ends up with him knowing about aro identities, he questioned his own sexuality before and he isnt aro, but with the 'very relatable' part i sold myself out as aro, and he wasnt arophobic (he literally said he almost used the label so) so it was okay

fast forward a year , we are talking, sexuality ends up as a topic, and i confess i didnt come up to anyone, the only people who knew were him and another friend who found out by accident (really supportive, even though im not sure that i was ready), he ask about this other friend of ours (B) and why i didnt come out to her, considering she is queer herself. i think im not ready to do that, both times i came out were not intentional and though it didnt end up badly still, not ready, also, my relationship with this friend is, well we mostly talk about gossip and all of her crushes, boyfriends, etc., basically it was purely sexual acts and romance, not my favourite topic of conversation but i we dont have anything in common outside shared memories (childhood besties) and school and we are both pretty unpopular so no more people) plus we never talk deep shit so i felt weird bring it up

few days later, the three of us were in class and talking about our teachers (and shipping them cause we are nosy), we get to his teacher and i say that i couldnt picture her with an special other and A says "like asexual, you mean", (it was more like aro but i didnt feel like explaining the difference plus i was panicking a little because i knew where this was going) and A countinues "B, what do you think of asexual people?", B says something in support, and then he asks me "[my name] do you know any asexual people in real life?" with a look on his face saying 'come out', i kinda evade the question so he asks B if she knew any, and B answers she had the theory that i was ace (i mean, she was right). i didnt know what to do so i made a joke "was it so obvious?"

i dont think i was ready to come out to her and i didnt want it to happen, but the conversation didnt end up bad, she was supportive but still i wasnt ready. i dont think it counts as getting outed because he just forced the conversation that way but didnt really say "[my name] is aroace", but i dont know of B hadnt mentioned her theory, would he had outed me?

i dont know how to feel, im basically venting, maybe do you have any advice for this situation?

I really don't think anyone should make you come out if you don't want to do it and it's supposed to be your choice so this sounds like something you should really talk about with friend A and explain to him that you didn't want to come out yet and that this wasn't okay. It is lucky that friend B was supportive though because this type of situation is even messier when the other person is not supportive. But even so it's still a gamble because most of the time you can't predict how someone will react and it's better to not take the risk of coming out to someone, let alone put someone else at risk. I hope you can talk this through with friend A

[strangertheories]

If you're seeing this on a non-Nancy tag, it'll talk about what I tagged a bit later on!

I mentioned this on my TikTok (forever_ronance if you're interested), but Nancy antis using the scene with her and Steve in S2 when she's drunk and telling him she doesn't love him to insult her will never make sense to me. First of all, she can't control her actions because she's incredibly drunk. But secondly, she's a traumatized 17 year old girl whose best friend is dead but she can't openly mourn her as her family still thinks she's alive. Her dating Steve was a coping mechanism for this trauma, even if she didn't realize it.

Not enough people focus on what Nancy is saying beyond her calling her relationship with Steve bullshit. She says that they're pretending that they're ok and that they didn't kill Barb. You see, Nancy believes her having sex with Steve caused Barb's death, so she's acting like they're normal and in love because if she admits she doesn't love Steve, she admits that she "killed" Barb for nothing. When she's saying they're bullshit it's not a personal insult to Steve or that she's been using him, it's that she's traumatized and because of the alcohol and Barb's parents selling her house (plus the whole anniversary affect Owens mentioned), she's unable to repress those feelings.

She's had these emotions building up ever since S1 and I don't think she realized she even had these emotions, at least not fully. Yes it's horrible for Steve that his love is unrequited but she didn't realize she was using him and also sometimes people just do bad things because of trauma. Doesn't excuse it of course, but I don't get why people will forgive Steve for being a homophobic slut shaming bully but not Nancy for being a traumatized kid. Not to mention how Steve has always been a bit of a facade for her to try and seem different to her parents ironically by dating someone she didn't love and how we always knew she'd be actually rebelling by being with someone she loved like Johnathan. (This is especially cool to me with a sapphic lense through Ronance too as her rebelling from her parents would be her being true to herself with added queer angst but that's another post).

It frustrates me because people in this fandom will bang on about how trauantized everyone must be and how the show isn't exploring it enough (which is true in some cases) but then when a character acts out as a result of trauma, they then hold no forgiveness for their character. Like sure, act traumatized but only in a specific neat way that doesn't impact anyone else. I'm not talking about Billy here by the way, he was a racist abuser, I'm talking about people doing mildly bad or annoying things because of their past.

I think Mike and Will are big examples of this. A lot of people hate on Mike, but you've got to remember he's a teenager who's dealt with so much trauma who doesn't know quite how to process his emotions. He always takes accountability after the incidents too. But people act like he's an irredeemable who should be sentenced to medieval execution (exaggeration). This is ignoring the whole internalised homophobia stuff with him by the way since that is not canon currently. Or when people call Will an annoying crybaby who never does anything for the plot when firstly, he is the plot, and secondly, no shit a kid frequently mentioned to be sensitive with an abusive homophobic dad who was kidnapped and possessed when he was barely a teen will cry a lot.

People will extend so much grace to the characters if they're like Steve (because they think they're attractive) but then have zero sympathy for children trying to cope with huge amounts of trauma. Not to mention how people are more willing to extend sympathy to white male characters, but that's for another post.

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

First thoughts from just one watch under shitty circumstances with bad internet and worse sound:

RAMBLING FRANK vs RUSSIA THOUGHTS

I was very worried about this episode with how sacred the S5 DENNIS System episode is to us all. Didn't want a Thunder Gun 4 situation on our hands and thankfully they avoided it so hard! I think having the plot with Charlie, Frank, the mums, Uncle Jack and chess really helped out to make it feel more than a direct sequel.

SINNED -> DENNIS -> SINNED -> DENNIS — I'm so impressed with this. How did I, a wholeass Sunny fan, miss this for so long?! Three cheers to whoever came up with that inversion, really! Definitely something that happened in the writer's room and made everyone lose their shit for sure. I wonder who it was, could be Meg or another writer too, given how collaborative they all are!

And can I just say, Dennis the Restaurant Manager... oh how I love you so much! The Waitress is Getting Married is a personal favourite of mine and I wasn't expecting a bit of a redux of that whole situation.

I was so worried about all the "Mac getting a boyfriend and it being Ryan Reynolds" theories and I absolutely wanted none of that. Everyone had speculated it to death and it wouldn't have been fun anymore (not to mention I do not care for RR in my Sunny, I'm sure he's fine, but I don't need his and Rob's PR relationship filtering through into my dickandball show no I don't "find them cute" and I won't elaborate here anymore).

I know we'd guessed that Johnny could've been Dennis catfishing Mac, but it definitely felt like we were doing an Insane Fan Speculation more than anything — and for it to turn out to be correct! And in the best way, because we never could've seen the vibrating anal beads coming!! That's the best kind of "called it but it's still unpredictable".

It really broke my mind, this episode did. And don't even get me started on the Macdennis and queer Dennis of it all! As a longtime believer in Bisexual Dennis, I won so hard! All of us Queer Dennis Truthers won so fucking hard!

[Unpopular Take incoming] This is the first Sunny episode credited to Meg for writing that has felt so wholly "Classic Sunny" and super fuckin hilarious to me. I always appreciated her understanding of the characters and she's always a very solid writer, but this is the first time where I felt myself thinking ok, you she write RCG/Hornsby/Marder-Rosell/Chernins-level of an insane chaotic Sunny episode with multiple belly laughs and not just slightly Community-fied versions of the gang.

The closest her writing has felt like true Sunny to me before this was Dee Day, so I'm glad to see her grow and improve too, and I wonder if the podcast rewatch has helped in that regard! Must also help to have a classic S5 structure to play off in The D.E.N.N.I.S. System! (And ofc writing is collaborative, so well done to RCG and all the writers who pitched ideas and rewrites that ended up shaping this episode!)

I knew Heath Cullens directing meant a good chance of some interesting camerawork (and I've gotta say that even The Gang Inflates had some more dynamic shots than we've been getting in some of the later years and it's got to be the Cullens directing), but I wasn't expecting a whole visual callback to Being Frank! Loved it.

And the editing! The DENNIS System has always been great for cutaway gags and fun little inserts, so I loved seeing that carried out here with the cuts to Mac and Dee fucking up their dates and then finally pulling out the Magic Tissue of Mummy Issues (oh the potential for meta especially with the twins!). The pacing was so good!

Sunny pacing needs to feel like Mac crashing Dee's car into a wall while we are all Charlie watching it in real time and screaming when it's over.

Random strings of words because I'm too excited to be coherent:

Glenn's acting. His faces. His eyes. His range in this episode. Glacting. Juilliard. All the hits. All the big ones.

Mac and Dennis have canonically had sex in two different ways now, and yes, I'm including their sex tape/porn viewing sessions where they both masturbate together

Did Dennis pull out Mac's anal beads when he was asleep?

Vibrating fucking anal beads what the ACTUAL FUCK!

How many people did the gang drug again?

Danny DeVito with a vibrating asshole comedy acting 12/10 he's an international treasure for a reason

Dee stealing people's phones she's so stupid and bad at men. Never change Dee.

Uncle Jack though, pls change plz, I'm an IASIP loving degenerate so I laughed in horror at his creepiness ofc as I have since 1x7 but fucking hell man, can he be in his jail era already! Poor Charlie!

Hey, Charlie's got new America's just as we were promised on the pod

Oh I should make a post about everything we saw in this episode and that episode of the pod where they gave us all those hints, especially Meg talking about struggling with this cold open — added to the never-ending list of drafts and posts that will hopefully one day make it onto the blog yeah I'm lying to myself now

Parental issues everywhere this season, especially with the mums. Reynolds kids, I can't wait to lovingly put you under my microscope. Once I've rewatched this episode with good sound.

Also just in general, the SINNED system just says SO much about our babygirl's psychology, does it not? Why did so much of it sound like self-insert speeches, like he's been doing this to Mac or smt? Don't even talk to me about The Gang Chokes!

What does r/iasip have to say about— no, I'm in my happy place, I'm not even gonna go there.

Mrs Mac and Mrs Kelly watching TV together like that, they really are lesbian life partners.

Dennis blue shirt with top-stick between those buttons, my beloved. I am looking, respectfully.

And can we talk about the "opening the ketchup bottle" scene? We have to take about that scene! Dennis... he's ruining me... need to gnaw on him and suck on his fingers wait I'm browning out...

Sidenote: I love whenever the show references news stories which were super fucking big at a very specific time in a very specific niche, especially with my whole family being so chess-obsessed. The cheating scandals and anal bead… never thought I'd see a Sunny crossover but can't say I'm not loving the shit out of it!

[strangertheory]

Watching Dr Martin Brenner carefully trim his bonsai in the morning and then have a child tell him he's bad at drawing later in the afternoon...

... and hearing El's letter say that she thinks Will is working on a painting for a girl that he likes and that he's been acting weird lately...

... and then seeing Will carry the painting to the airport to show Mike but change his mind when the reunion isn't quite what he had hoped...

... only to have his conversation with Mike later that gives him the immediate courage to take his painting and put it in his bag before they leave with Argyle...

... and hearing the Party complain that Will is not around to illustrate things anymore as they look at Max's (perfectly decent, I might add!) Creel House drawing...

... and now to have the Duffer Brothers talking about how they went through many versions of Will's painting before deciding on the final one...

... as a queer artist who often pours my heart into my work...

... and as someone who has been anxiously hoping and waiting for Mike and Will to finally talk about their feelings for each other for years...

... waiting for Stranger Things 4 Volume II can be so personal!

[thotsfortherapy]

TW SUICIDAL IDEATION but here is a nice story about my housemate

okay so basically my house is comprised of a bunch of queer BIPOC afab ppl (~20/21yrs) and this year the landlord picked a stranger to move in with us

originally we were very worried because he was this 24 year old white-passing cishet man but he turned out to be very kind and easy to get along with

his gf lived with us for the summer and she was in the same program as us but is now studying clinical psych at a different grad school so she left once the summer was over

we noticed their relationship didn't seem to be the best and this week I noticed he was acting weird which I briefly mentioned to the others but there wasn't any concrete evidence that something was up yet

anyways yesterday his gf left our group chats and he came out of his room and asked my housemate for a hug 😭 when everyone was home we could just hear him crying in his room talking on the phone so it was pretty obvious they'd broken up

today me and one of my housemates were out of the house so our other housemate was home alone with him and she could hear him in his room banging stuff, so she texted saying she was worried for him. we decided to head home to go support and when we got home he came out of his room to go shower and he had this hoodie on and the towel wrapped around himself and he was literally the world's most pathetic little meow meow I felt so bad for him 😭😭😭😭

he's had suicidal ideation before and he said he was experiencing it again and we all just gave him a group hug and sat him down with cups of tea and we talked for like three hours about everything.. validating his thoughts and affirming that he plays an important role in our lives and that he isn't a terrible person etc etc

i just think the way these cards fell is so funny because I honestly don't think any of us would have ever been friends with him otherwise just due to how our social circles fall but I'm really grateful we were all able to be there for him... He was expressing how it was hard for him to open up to his guy friends cause they don't know how to actually talk about emotions but he feels guilty talking to girls cause his gf would get mad at him for it 😭

and later in the evening he came back out and said that he doesn't know where he would be if we hadn't been there to talk to him and I'm just so grateful for my group of friends and that we all have enough education and experience to deal with situations like these!

and on the other side of it I'm really grateful that he was able to sit there and be vulnerable with us and to reach out to talk to us :')

anyways that's all! I just think it's a success story of human connection that may have once been unlikely and I wanted to share!

[symphonyofmalice]

Reflections on the show

So it's been a week since I finished Season 1, and I've had some time to reflect on it, read/watch other people's reactions, and gather my thoughts.

Actors great, characters inconsistent I want to say that all the actors were well-cast for the show. They did excellent work bringing the scripts to life. The trouble was, the writing sometimes had them playing wildly different characters. Sam Reid makes an excellent Lestat, when the script let's him play Lestat. Louis is sometimes philosophical, detached, and refined. Sometimes he's coarse, direct and irreverent. Yes, characters can change and no one is just one thing. But there was no clear arc, they seemed to flip-flop episode to episode. Lestat is sometimes recognizable as his impulsive, needy, theater-kid self, and sometimes he's a cold, calculating chessmaster. I want to be clear I do not expect the characters to be good people. These are vampires, and I expect them to act monstrously. But with book Louis, I have a basic idea how he might react to different situations- when he might be passive, when he might snap and act out, what might upset him and what he doesn't care about. This Louis? No idea. He's fine with eating humans until he isn't six years later, he'll delight without any hesitation in murdering people who made racist remarks, but is too squeamish to enact his own plan (because it's his now) to kill evildoers, in the modern day he no longer kills but gives the 'alpha predators' speech.

What did y'all do to the family dynamic In my initial reviews, I noted the 4th episode was the first that really felt like the Louis-Lestat-Claudia dynamic I expected. And I think it's because it's the only episode that didn't decide that Lestat just hates Claudia from the very beginning. All the other episodes lean hard into the idea that Lestat never wanted to make Claudia at all, is constantly happy when she leaves/trying to drive her away, wouldn't want her back if not for Louis, and is barely tolerating her very existence for Louis, and would hurt/kill her if he could. Now, in the books, their relationship obviously sours- she kills him, after all. But they do have a genuine love and respect, and it is in the hope of repairing the decaying relationship and 'making peace' that Lestat accepts her gift of poisoned blood.

Pick a lane/Easter eggs are not adaptation points I think a big reason the characters flip-flop around so much is that the show is trying to tell two stories. One is the story of a Jazz-age queer Black man discovering vampirism as a possible escape from the restraints of society. One is Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire, with it's plot beats of Louis, Lestat and Caludia. And since the first is pretty different from the second, anytime the show has to switch tracks, it introduces sharp turns and inconsistencies. The crew promised easter eggs for book fans and sometimes it seems like easter eggs are all there is. "Look, Lestat said Savage Garden! He mentioned his mastiff! Nicolas name drop!" which ended up feeling almost distracting. A metaphor for adaptations:

The original books: A black forest cake. Rich and dark and bittersweet. A classic that is iconic and famous, though definitely not for everyone.

The 1994 movie: A black forest cupcake. A little condensed, a little different. Smaller in size, so it's not the full experience. But in flavor and structure, it's a pretty close match for the original.

The musical: A black forest cocktail. Structurally, this is a very different experience. If you don't like cocktails/alcohol in general, than you probably don't want your cake in cocktail form. But if you do, then it's pretty decent! There's a clear attempt to get the essence of the taste across, and for some people (like me) it can be a wonderful way to immerse oneself in the same flavors in a different way.

QOTD movie: Cherry cheesecake that's gone bad/old. First of all this isn't even close to the original, and second of all you cared about it so little that it's gone sour and even people who might like cheesecake probably don't want this.

The show: Black forest (brand) gummy bears. This is clearly just a different thing. It can be really good as it's own thing! No having the brand-name black forest does not make it the same. No, it doesn't particularly help that some of the gummy bears are cherry flavored and black forest cake also has cherries. No it would not help to dip the gummy bears in dark chocolate.

Let's not "secret good fourth Sherlock episode" ourselves I've seen some theories that the discrepancies in Season 1 are deliberate, due to unreliable narrators, or Armand's mental influence. The trailers for season 2 so far certainly seem to lean into that, with the repeated memory theming. It's possible they'll pull something off with this. But I'm also hesitant to accept it as a blanket excuse. Even if they do retcon some of these details later...why? How is that any better than an "it was all a dream" excuse? Why should I, as a viewer, remain emotionally invested in the show if, at any moment, I could be told none of that happened? Twists and reveals can be good, but they can't be everything. 'Don't worry, season 2 will explain season 1' is not very promising for season 1 as a story.

Concerns about Season 2 I'm going to watch season 2. I have to, the same way I watched the QOTD movie knowing I'd dislike it. I'm curious to see what they do, and if nothing else, I might get some Nicolas images out of it. From what I've seen of Joseph Potter, I believe he can act Nicolas very well...if the script lets him. I'm also concerned about escalation. Everything in blood and violence was dialed up to 11. In the books, Lestat hits Louis (when Louis interrupts his feeding on Freniere) in the show, it's an extended beating. He punches through the priest's brains, and drops Louis out of the sky. In discussion with someone, I described this as "Lestat acting like Armand" since that kind of roof-dropping is literally a thing Armand does. And if they keep Armand's role as the 'villain' of IWTV/TVL, I'm concerned to what levels of extremity they'll have to push him in comparison.

[heyftinally]

Had an interesting conversation with a friend this past weekend about my ex (who sent said friend a facebook friend request)

So for a while now I've had the inkling that I was the "bicurious experiment" of her college career. She had never dated a girl before me, and after we broke up she got with her guy best friend (who tbh I always had a nagging suspicion that they had a thing for each other), who she's been with now for several years (we only lasted about seven months).

Turns out my friend had a similar concern from the get go, but didn't want to say anything because I was so happy and she didn't want to rain on my parade, so to speak.

So yeah, that was...not a fun confirmation to have.

Not that I still have feelings for her - after the initial heartbreak passed I had some time for clarity and realized how unwilling she was to do the work to understand a lot of aspects of my queerness, and how she never made me feel like she was really committed to me. She would often bring up exs, which was fine if it was a relevant topic (ie explaining something she had learned about herself previously), but also frequently talked about everyone else she found attractive. It sometimes felt like I was just kind of...there...while she ogled other people.

But still, it's a hard realization to swallow that I was the stereotypical "college experiment" target. It feels like one of those shitty "coming of age" things that only happens to queer people. Someone acts like they want a genuine relationship, and you only find out later that you were more of just a passing novelty than a real attempt at romantic connection.

For the record, I'm not saying she's not bi. I have no idea what she is, and I really don't care. It's none of my business. I just know how it is from my side. And for a while I felt like a "bad gay" for essentially accusing her of dumping me for a guy, since that's such a stereotype, but unfortunately that is what happened, and I decided a long time ago to stop trying to defend her to myself. It is what it is.

Idk, there's no point to this post, just a vent because honestly I'm lonely, and feeling like your only worth some "I dated a girl for six month in college but it didn't mean anything" experiment is a really shitty feeling. Because I deserve more than that. I just never get it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ditching my friend for kicking someone out of our Discord server?

Some context before I begin. We are strictly online friends, with all of us having more than one social. I am the youngest of this group when this happened, with a friend named Yammy being the oldest, a girl named Isabella the second oldest, a girl and a boy named Lisa and James about driving age, and me, essentially the baby. There are a few other people who would not want me to talk about them here, but they’re all around Lisa and James’s age.

I met Isabella on Deviantart back in May of 2022. We hit it off almost immediately, sharing several interests and a common friend (James). About a month later, we were joking about forming a cult of kindness, and since her username had something with a chicken in it, we named it the chicken kindness coop (she changed it to coop for ethical reasons). I met Lisa, Yammy, and a bunch of other people on that server, and we would do shitpost roleplays and share vents about our real lives. I remember Isabella constantly posting vents and pictures of her life. She was homeschooled, which I used as justification for her constant messaging. Isabella was my grounding stone for a long time.

However, things started to fall apart in May of 2023. Out of the blue, I got a message in a brand new message channel named ‘Judgement Hall.’ Isabella purposefully did not give Lisa access to the channel. She wanted to kick Lisa out of the group chat because she was uncomfortable with her being around. Her reasoning was that Lisa was very religious, which we all knew about and respected. I, as a trans male, and a few other anonymous queer members were all fine with her as she was always a refreshing break from the wild roleplays and heated debates on how you should water your mochi. However, Isabella said Lisa was triggering her religious trauma. I, being an easily influenced minor, let her run her course. However, Yammy stepped in and let Lisa know about Isabella’s message. She sent a mass text out, and told us she was leaving and that this was an unfair judgement on Lisa. Here’s where I might’ve been TA. I immediately replied to her message, saying I was leaving, and asking why Isabella wanted to kick Lisa from the chat without even telling her. I then left the chat.

Later, when Yammy reached out to me, they said that James (who also had religious trauma, but was completely fine with Lisa) had reached out to Isabella. Him being one of the few people who stayed for a while without leaving or being kicked, he was in pretty much an empty server, minus Isabella’s most loyal friends and another friend who would later leave after saving some screenshots. James talked to Isabella, who deflected behind her autism and adhd diagnosis, tried to guilt trip James into feeling bad for her, and playing the victim, saying she did nothing wrong. James (who was probably 3 years younger than her, mind you) was trying to make Isabella see that banning someone from the server behind their back was not ok, but she freaked out and stopped talking. Now, we’re all still dealing with the fallout from this situation, but about a week or two ago, a mutual friend of Isabella and I told me that Isabella wanted to talk, and she wanted to feel less betrayed. Now I feel really bad, because I acted pretty abruptly, but I really don’t know. Yammy and my other friends think I’m in the right, but our mutual friend says I betrayed her and left her in the dust. I really need an outside opinion.

AITA?

(sorry for the incohesive mess)

What are these acronyms?

[schrijverr]

Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way 7

Chapter 7 out of 18

Genderqueer Stevie with platonic soulmates Robin and Eddie living their best queer life.

In this chapter, Will and Eddie have a talk, before he apologizes to Stevie. Later the party has a movie night and Stevie comes out to the kids as bisexual. Meanwhile, everyone is making plans for thanksgiving.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: Stevie's childhood mention, talks about biphobia and dysphoria and misgendering that comes with not being out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Coming Out

No one is saying anything to the revelation Eddie just dropped. Will is staring at him with big, shocked eyes, but also like he’s in awe. The other boys are still processing and even Erica doesn’t seem to have a reply to it.

Stevie can see Eddie tense up as he starts to worry, so he steps in like Eddie has been doing for her and says: “Thank you, Eddie, for trusting us with that. I’m proud of you for sharing.”

Then he turns and gives each of the kids a glare that shows he means business and they need to get their acts together right now. She has never been more grateful that they decide to listen to her as they trip over themselves to assure Eddie it’s fine.

She can see how the stress and anxiety leaves Eddie’s body as they assure him. By the time they calm down he’s smiling again.

“Alright, alright,” Eddie says, blushing a bit as he swats away their attention. “Thanks for being cool. I get it. Thank you really. Now I propose we take a bit of a break, gather ourselves. Sound good?”

After everything that happened no one is in the arguing mood, so they all quickly agree.

Stevie makes sure to get out of there, before he can get dragged away by one of the kids, demanding answers or something. So, he makes his way to Robin, who is reading on the couch, walkman playing loudly.

When she sees Stevie she knows something must have happened by the look on his face. She takes her headphones off with a frown and asks: “Taking a break already? What happened?”

He falls down, practically on top of her, shuffling them so that she can be on top, since she knows how Robin hates being restrained. Needing to hold her and decompress. It’ll do nothing to dissuade the couple notion, which is good, though he doesn’t know why she feels so bad about it.

Softly she repeats to Robin what just went down at the table, letting Robin comfort him. In the background, he hears Eddie says: “Byers, with me. We need to have a little talk, okay?”

~ Eddie’s POV ~

Eddie is still slightly shaking. Holy shit. He just came out to the kids. Fuck. They at least took it well, so that’s nice. He’s been terrified about it for months, started playing with the idea after Stevie tested the waters. However, actually doing it? Fucking scary.

Still, there’s a relief there too. Because they were chill like he and Stevie predicted and now Eddie doesn’t feel like he has to put up some sort of performance. To tiptoe around who he is.

But the how it happens bothers him. It makes his skin crawl, really, to remember how Stevie froze up at Will’s words. How she’d panicked, eyes flicking to where Robin was reading, before turning back to Will and having to take it to protect Robin. The hurt in his eyes and the desperation as he failed to find a good yet safe explanation.

This is amplified when he calls for a break – needing one himself too honestly – and Stevie immediately stumbles away and into Robin’s arms.

“Byers, with me. We need to have a little talk, okay?” he calls out to the kid, knowing they need to clear the air, before they can continue the game.

Will looks like he would rather do anything else, but follows Eddie to the back porch anyway, falling into one of the chairs and looking down. He’s sulking in the way only fifteen year olds can do.

“You know why I want to talk right now?” Eddie asks.

“Because Steve is your favorite and you’re mad because I got mad at him,” Will answers, crossing his arms. He’s obviously still on the defensive.

Eddie sighs and sits down himself. He knows this is a delicate situation and he has to watch what he says, while also making Will understand that he’s with him but that what he did was very much not okay at all.

“That’s partially it,” he says. “I don’t do favorites, but I am mad about you yelling at Stevie like you did. I know that you’re feeling angry and hurt, probably betrayed even, but that doesn’t excuse how you nearly outed him in there.”

“What are you talking about? You saw what he did last time when he flirted with the barman,” Will frowns. “Everyone was there.”

Ah, there is where this has gotten crossed in his brain, Eddie gets it. Kindly he says: “That he did, yes. But in the game.”

He can see a bit of horror in Will’s eyes as he starts to understand. Eddie can’t know how Will connects the words to the advice Stevie had given him about coming out to his mother.

“Stevie told me he confirmed it with you later. Only with you,” Eddie gently explains. “He trusted you with that part of himself, because he thought you needed to hear it. If you said anything about yourself to him, then I never heard it, because he understands it’s not his place to do that. But you threw that in his face.”

“But I- I didn’t mean it like that. He told everyone last time,” Will replies, his voice is shaking as it comes crashing down on him. Guilt eating him up.

“No, he said Sir Stephen did that,” Eddie reminds him. “He kept it in the game, so that he could deny it if necessary. He isn’t ready to tell the others yet. And when he is ready, that's for him to tell them, not you. You really hurt him there.”

“God, I’m a terrible person,” Will exclaims, a few tears leaking from his face. “He must be so mad at me right now. He’s never going to forgive me.”

“I think he will,” Eddie tells him. Knowing Stevie, she already has honestly. “He loves you kids so much, he can’t stay mad, even if he was. But you might need to apologize to him, let him know you didn’t mean it.”

“I didn’t, honest,” Will quickly agrees. “He was just telling me all these things and then he shows up with a girlfriend all of a sudden.”

Eddie puts an arm on Will’s shoulder, before he can work himself into a panic, and says: “Hey, I understand. I get it, I do. But Stevie is bisexual. He can like girls and if he likes Robin, then he’s allowed to date her.” God, it’s weird to think of those actually being together, but he needs to sell it for Robbie. “That doesn’t make him less queer. He still gets the struggles. He knows. Trust me, kid.”

“I feel so bad now,” Will whispers, ears burning with shame.

“And it’s no use letting it tear you up,” Eddie says. “It happened. You can’t change that. However, you can learn from this and apologize to Stevie. How does that sound?”

“Good,” Will nods.

“That’s good to hear,” Eddie smiles, hugging Will. “I get it. Just take a moment. You need it. Do you want me to send Stevie to here so you can talk?”

“I would love that. Thank you,” Will says. “Also, sorry for being a dick during the game.”

“You’re forgiven,” Eddie says easily. He has been a kid himself after all. He knows that you have to learn these things, that sometimes you haven’t learned to control your emotions yet. That you just need some time.

In the end, Eddie is mostly glad he was there to step in before it went wrong and someone got outed and hurt. Glad he’s there to tell Will, before he can do it again.

~End Eddie’s POV ~

“He’ll come around,” Robin is assuring her, rubbing her cheek as they lie on the couch. Vaguely Stevie is aware of the kids fluttering around, pointedly not coming too close after the whole mess of emotions at the table. But he can’t really bring himself to care.

She’s startled out of her thoughts by a hand landing on his shoulder. He looks to the side and Eddie is kneeling next to the couch. His eyes are worried as he asks: “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” Stevie assures him softly. “Just surprised me. Robbie’s been keeping the kids away, I’m more grateful than I should be for that. I don’t know what they’re going to say or what they’re thinking. It’s scary.”

“I know what Will is going to say,” Eddie offers.

Stevie perks up at that, remembering what she heard as she laid down. He asks: “What’s he gonna say? Did your talk go okay?”

“It went well, princess, don’t worry. Will is very sorry about what just happened and wants to apologize,” Eddie informs him and it’s like a burden has been removed from his shoulders. “He’s waiting on the back porch. I told him I’d get you. Now, I know you have that big heart, but don’t tell him it’s okay, sweetheart. You’re allowed to be hurt.”

“I don’t want to be mad at him,” Stevie says softly. “I get it. I would be confused too.”

“And I’m not saying you have to hold a grudge,” Eddie replies. “You can forgive him if that feels right. All I’m trying to say is that you’re allowed to be upset at him, Stevie, and you don’t have to pretend like you don’t have emotions to comfort him.”

Stevie doesn’t really agree with that, it hurt but he can take it. It wasn’t Will’s fault that he is Robin’s beard and that made it confusing.

“I’m with Eddie here,” Robin pipes up. “You’re this amazing mom and you always put them first and that’s great. Very you. But you also have feelings, Stevie. That’s okay.”

He’s quiet for a second, the sighs: “I guess,” which makes both Eddie and Robin smile.

“Now, go talk to Will and we can talk to the kids,” Eddie offer.

“We?” Robin protests. “They’re scary. Erica can, like, eat me. I don’t deserve to be eaten by children. I’m too young to go like that.”

That makes Stevie laugh, snorting in a very unflattering manner with Eddie joining in. They both laugh at an indignant Robin for a bit. Then Stevie gets herself under control and asks: “What will you tell them?”

“Nothing you don’t want me to,” Eddie promises. “Just that you and Will had a misunderstanding and made up now. And that they need to shut up about it if they want to survive the campaign. Robs will be your supportive girlfriend backing me up.”

Both Stevie and Robin pull a face at that. No matter how much they love each other and how close they are, people talking about them like they’re together is still weird. Though something they will have to get used to.

But she is grateful to Eddie for doing that for her. He smiles: “That would be nice. Thanks.”

“Hey, no problem, princess,” Eddie smiles back, before patting his leg and getting up. “Now, go talk with Will the Currently-Not-So-Wise.” And with that, they split ways.

When he gets outside, Will is looking very small, kind of like that time in ‘84 when he’d been taken over by the mind flayer. A pang of sympathy goes through him as he sits down. “Hey there, baby Byers. Eddie said you wanted to talk.”

Will looks up at her, guilt in his eyes turning to tears as he says: “I’m so, so sorry, Steve. I swear, I didn’t mean to out you.”

Stevie is able to ignore the name, just feeling connected to the kid. He knows firsthand how hard it can be. Where she isolated herself and floated away, Will became angry. It’s natural. The kid could use a bit more bite and to stand up for himself, it’s just a pity that it had been directed at Stevie when he finally did.

“Come here,” she offers, holding out his arms so that Will can fall into them. Something the teen does eagerly.

For a moment, Stevie holds him like he’d done on Halloween. They sway a bit, before Stevie murmurs into the top of Will’s head: “I’m not going to say it didn’t hurt, it did. I shared it with you to help you and it hurts that you don’t trust be to be honest with you, that you think I would lie to you about that.”

“I’m sorry,” Will replies, speaking into her chest. “I- I was just so happy that I wasn’t alone and that you were nice about it that I- I just got angry when I saw you with Robin. It just felt like you left me alone again. And I know that’s stupid now and I got mad at you for no reason and that’s really unfair and I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you, kid, promise,” Stevie assures him. “All of this is so fucking hard when you think you’re alone and I can’t image what it feels like to think that has been taken from you.”

“Still, I never meant to make you feel like you faked it or something,” Will says. “I hadn’t even realized until Eddie reminded me that you can like girls too and that doesn’t mean you’re not still one of us.”

“Thank you, I’m glad to hear you say that,” Stevie smiles, holding Will closer.

God, the kid doesn’t even know how fucking queer Stevie is, even by gay standards is what she’s doing a lot. But he has learned not to care. Eddie and Robin have been accepting and he has Madame Tucker in the city. He has found people that accept her and that’s enough.

“It’s all just about finding your people,” Stevie says, pulling away so that she can look Will in the eyes as she presses: “I hope you won’t forget that I’m you people. I’m in your corner. Always. Talk to me next time, alright?”

“Of course,” Will promises. “Again sorry and thank you for letting me sort my stuff out and letting me apologize for my shit behavior.”

“Not a problem. If anyone knows the importance of second chances, it’s me,” Stevie says. “I don’t know if Jonathan ever told you about our fight when you were missing.” Will shakes his head. “I called him a queer,” Stevie admits. She has never told anyone, too ashamed of it now. “Bit ironic in hindsight, isn’t it?” Will nods. “Anyway, I learned to be better than that asshole. And let me tell you, that guy? Much worse than you are, you’re gonna be fine. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you, mom,” Will says again. “I won’t forget.”

“Good,” Stevie smiles. “Now how about we play some more DnD? I’ve heard Eddie mumble all day and if we don’t find out what’s in the dungeon I might rip my hair out.”

Will giggles and nods, returning to the boy Stevie has known these past three years. It’s good to see him again as they make their way back.

The others are all seated around the table, Eddie at the head, smiling reassuringly at them, which calms Stevie’s nerves. She can’t place the looks yet and it’s a bit unnerving. Surprisingly it’s Will, who breaks the silence: “Sorry for being a dick about nothing. I hope we can continue to play like normal.”

Dustin, Eric and Lucas assure him they can, but Mike raises his brows, looking suspiciously between the two. He asks: “You sure?”

“Yeah, I was in the wrong,” Will admits easily. He has always been the most emotionally mature out of them all and Stevie is incredibly grateful for that now.

Mike looks like he’s about to protest, but Eddie kicks his foot under the table, a move that is totally obvious with how he has to slouch to reach all the way there. Stevie snorts at it while Mike grumbles something agreeable.

It’s again a bit tense at first, but soon Mike misses a stealth check and miserably fails, flailing like an idiot. This has them all cracking up as they go back to normal and play for the rest of the night like usual.

At one point Robin comes in to complain that she’s hungry and Stevie has to make her favorite snack. He rolls his eyes, but Eddie calls a break and immediately demands that Stevie makes his favorite too. So, Stevie makes special popcorn for both, as well as a bunch for the kids.

When it’s time to leave, the kids put up their usual protest, none of them willing to leave yet. It’s nice to see them back like that. However, Stevie has to put his foot down.

This time Eddie is driving too, since their parents hadn’t driven them to school they have their bikes with them. Stevie can take one bike, so he’s taking the two Sinclairs and Will again, while Eddie drops off Mike and Dustin. Stevie is supposed to take Robin too, but she says: “No, I’m staying here. I told my mom I’d be with you. You can stay over too?”

She gives her eyes she’s never been able to say no to and both of them know he has nothing better to do. So, he just shrugs: “You checked with Eds if it’s okay?”

“Course, he said he slept well with us there and he can probably use the support after today,” she tells her and that’s all the convincing he needs.

He first drops of the Sinclairs and then it’s just him and Will again. They drive in companionable silence for a few moments, before Will says: “I was thinking about coming out to my mom and stuff.”

“Yeah?” Stevie replies, managing the right balance between interested and supportive to prompt Will more.

“I told her I read about Elton John being gay when his song was on the radio,” Will explains. “And she seemed nice about it. I want to be able to talk to her about this stuff, you know. I guess that has been putting me on edge.”

“That’s okay,” Stevie says. “Remember when I was out of it in July and August?” Will nods. “That was me figuring myself out. Everyone reacts differently.”

“You seem happier now,” Will notes.

“I got lucky with people who support me,” Stevie says honestly. “That makes all the difference in how you feel. And being comfortable with who you are. That’s the most important, becoming home in your own skin.”

“Yeah,” Will agrees. “California was really good for me in that regard. The school was much bigger and no one really knew us, so I found a bit more of myself.”

“That’s so good to hear, kid,” Stevie smiles.

“So what do you think? About telling my mom, I mean,” Will asks.

Stevie bites his lip, she doesn’t have any experience here. Deciding honesty is the best road, he replies: “I don’t know. I don’t have that relationship with my parents, they’re never going to know, but Joyce is different. She loves you very much. If you have faith, then I trust your judgment. In the end, you know what’s best for you.”

Will sighs, slumping in his seat. “I don’t know either.”

“Do you think you can tell El?” Stevie asks. “You’ve lived with her for a year, you’ve gotten closer, right?”

“Why?”

“Well – and I hate how we have to look at this – but strategically, she hasn’t grown up around the same bullshit as us, so she won’t be judgmental. You can explain to it her. Or let me explain it to her if that will make you more comfortable,” Stevie explains. “El also isn’t your mom, so if it’s bad, she won’t have the same emotional hurt. Think of it as a test run. Besides, if she is cool – which is more likely – you’ll have super powered back up.”

Will mulls it over, then says: “I guess you’re right. Thanks.” He’s quiet for a beat. “Will it always have to be like this when coming out? Like some sort of war meeting?”

He sounds defeated and Stevie’s heart breaks for him. “Hopefully not one day. And in some spaces there is already the acceptance. Once you’re old enough, I’ll take you to the big city. We can go to a gay club and you can be yourself. I promise.”

“A gay club?” Will repeats, sounding excited and surprised. “You’ve been to a gay club?”

“Contrary to popular belief, I do have a life,” Stevie laughs, Will joining in.

There’s a short silence, then Will says: “Would you talk to El for me?”

“Sure,” Stevie agrees easily. “Do you have a timeline in mind? Because I’ve been thinking about coming out to the whole party, Max and El too. Just not Hopper and Joyce yet. If I do that, it’ll be less suspicious for you.”

“You have?” Will asks.

“Yeah,” Stevie answers, though it’s the first time she’s admitted it like that. “I don’t know, I feel like I’ve found a piece of myself and I want to share that. I’m looking to move out, get a place of my own. I’m carving out my little spot and I want the people I care about to be part of that. Plus, I want to be able to tell Dustin that I only watch Star Wars because Han Solo is hot. His reaction will be hilarious.”

He covers up the serious with a joke, but it works as Will laughs and agrees that that will be funny and he must wait until Will can witness it.

“Well, I don’t have a timeline yet,” Will answers the earlier question. “But thank you.”

“I told you I would be looking out for you,” Stevie says as they pull up to the Byers house. Hopper waiting on the porch as he smokes. “Say hi to them from me. Bye.”

“Bye, will do!” Will greets him, running up to the house, looking more settled and at ease then when Stevie picked him up. She did well.

At Eddie’s bungalow, Robin is already waiting by the door alongside Eddie, van parked haphazardly in the driveway. Stevie easily pulls up next to it and gets out, asking: “How are you two? Eddie?”

“I’m doing good,” Eddie assures her. “Now get in here before you catch a cold. It’s fucking November.”

“And what about me?” Robin pouts. “Why does Eddie get a special shout out? Don’t you love your girlfriend?”

“Stop that,” Stevie grimaces. “You don’t get special girlfriend privileges. I refuse to give you that power.” He closes the door behind him. “I just wanted to check in since Eddie came out to the group and that got kind of overshadowed by my argument with Will.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie assures her. “It went well, I’m happy. And after tonight those kids know how to keep their mouths shut about it.”

“I’m glad,” Stevie says. Then hugs him as she whispers: “Also thank you so much for stepping in like you did. For coming out. For talking to Will.”

Eddie holds on just as tightly and says: “It wasn’t a problem, sweetheart.”

Robin wraps her arms around the two of them and says: “I was feeling left out of the feelings pile, disgusting as it may be,” which makes them all laugh.

They get ready for bed, all having stuff at all of their houses to sleep in, though Stevie slips back into the comfy clothes he picked up earlier. Now that she’s out, she’s going to be comfortable and after Eddie’s good reaction, he doesn’t think Robin’s will be bad.

Still, she’s a bit nervous as she steps into Eddie’s bedroom. Naturally that’s for nothing, because when Robin sees him, she squeals: “Oh my god, you look so cute!”

“Thank you,” Stevie smiles, unable to stop himself from doing a little twirl. It feels unreal that she only came out this morning. With everything that had happened and the reception from her friends, it feels longer.

Robin bounces over to him excitedly and asks: “Can I do your makeup? Is that a thing I can do? I know I’m not a girly girl in that sense, but I like doing makeup, I just don’t always like the feeling of it on my face, you know. Or is that not a thing for you? Because it’s fine if not, I was just offering. You can say no, no worries.”

His eyes glimmer and he’s nodding before she can finish. “You can 100% do my makeup at some point, Robbie. I’d love that. That is a thing for me, yeah.”

“Is there anything else that is a thing? Like something we can do or help you get?” Eddie asks.

“Uhm,” Stevie blushes, not sure if he’ll be able to admit this yet. She bites her lip and says: “I- I’ve stolen a few of my mother’s skirts. She hasn’t been home to notice. But I’m not really, you know, ready to wear one with anyone there. And it’s more about the figure of it anyway.”

“That’s okay,” Eddie smiles and Robin nods vigorously.

“It’s hard to explain,” he tells them. “It’s not like I want to drastically change things about myself or anything, but there are all these little things that just add up.”

“Add up in a bad way or a good way?” Robin asks, always observant.

“Depends on the day really,” she says, flopping down on the bed. He stares at the ceiling, which is starting to be taken over by Eddie’s posters. The whole room screams Eddie and it’s comforting, but makes him sad too, because her room isn’t like that at all. It’s picture perfect, like he’s supposed to be, but she isn’t.

“Stevie?” Robin nudges him, sitting down on one side, while Eddie gets on the other.

“I don’t want to bother you with it,” Stevie says. “It’s all probably nonsense. Sometimes I feel like it’s all in my head, you know.”

“Bother away,” Eddie tells her. “Robbie has complained at length about her love life and I have bothered you endlessly about hot guys. So now you get to bother us about this. It’s called mutual exchange, sweetheart.”

Stevie snorts at Eddie’s delivery of the words. Then takes a breath and says: “I’ve been growing my hair out and some days I really like it, makes me feel cute. But other days I feel like I’m a dad going through a midlife crises, you know. Or it’s my face that seems too sharp some days, but too broad on others. Like it will never be anything but masculine, which sucks.”

He rubs his face and sighs as Robin makes a soft noise and Eddie lays his head on Stevie’s shoulder for comfort.

“And then my arms,” Stevie goes on, encouraged. “They make me feel conflicted. Because I like being strong, knowing I can protect the kids and step in when necessary. That makes me feel good, that’s nice. But on bad days I just look at them and my shoulders and I’m a jock. A stupid jock, who won’t ever be anything else, no matter how hard I try.”

“Don’t call yourself stupid, sweetheart, we talked about this,” Eddie reminds her gently.

“Yeah, I’d have to fight you for being mean to my soulmate and honestly, I’m not coordinated enough to win that fight,” Robin adds.

Stevie laughs at her, Eddie joining in, before Robin whines that they shouldn’t be laughing at her serious struggles.

The laughter dies out and Stevie says: “Thanks. It’s just- ugh,” she makes a frustrated noise, “things that make me feel good one day, suck the next. And it’s never like I hate something huge about myself, which is nice, but it’s just little things. I try doing little things to balance it out, like the higher waists or things that flare out in the middle to give the illusion of hips. Sometimes it works, others it doesn’t. But it’s just little things. Does that makes sense?”

“I think it does,” Robin replies after a second. “It’s a bit like me and my anxiety, you know. I do get anxious over big things of course, but some days it’s just that the coffee machine didn’t work well and I ran a bit late and then I tripped and before I know it I’m having an anxiety attack about something that I’d usually just brush off. It makes sense. And I do, like, little things to soothe myself, like talk to you or like gesture as I ramble, but those don’t always work.”

“Huh, that does make sense,” Eddie comments. “You truly operate on the same frequency, it’s creepy.”

“You love us,” they say in sync, both giving the other a surprised look, before the three of them burst into laughter.

They talk for a little more, before getting into bed. Stevie doesn’t know when they’ve developed a usual placement, but they slot together like it’s natural. All the most comfortable. She tries not to think about how he’s being held so tenderly. How nice it is. How rarely it used to happen, before he met Robin and Eddie.

The night is peaceful and all of them couldn't be more grateful for it.

Next morning, they’re all up early, since they all have a morning shift. That means they run into Wayne, who is eating his dinner. Even if they are regular guests there, Wayne’s schedule made that they’re only familiar with the man in passing. Stevie freezes a little, highly aware of the outfit she’s wearing, but Wayne doesn’t say a thing.

So, Stevie makes breakfast, like she always does for the three of them, as they say their good mornings, while Eddie and Robin sit down. He’s familiar in the kitchen and he can feel Wayne’s eyes on her as he works, though he quickly gets distracted by his rambling nephew.

She puts down the plates and sits down, Eddie is telling Wayne something about the game last night, nonchalantly adding: “And I came out to them.”

There’s an immediate silence as Stevie and Robin give him ‘what the fuck are you doing’-looks at just telling his uncle that.

“That’s good, kid. Did they take it well?” is Wayne’s only response, which is all the more confusing.

Eddie catches their look and quickly assures them: “Oh, Wayne is cool. Didn’t you know that? I thought I mentioned that. Sorry. And yeah, they took it well.”

“I’m glad,” Wayne smiles and Stevie is reminded of their stay in the hospital, of Wayne’s casual acceptance of everything that makes Eddie, Eddie. How jealousy he was of that, how he still is, though she knows Eddie deserves it so much and she doesn’t begrudge him. How it apparently extends to this too. How much she wants that.

Then Wayne speaks up again, sounding a bit tentative. “Eddie told me you were good sports about it, you’re always welcome here. I know it’s none of my business, but if there’s a reason you took it so well, know that you’re safe here.”

Both Stevie and Robin stare at Wayne with wide eyes, as if he’s a miracle from the heavens, a mirage in the desert.

“I’m a lesbian,” Robin blurts out and Stevie whips her head around. This is the third time Robin has ever come out and he’s so proud of her, but also scared. He thinks they know Wayne, but what if Eddie miscalculated.

“Thank you for trusting me with that,” Wayne nods and Robin smiles, bright and happy.

The longing from before calls out again, tugging at Stevie’s chest and he hears herself say: “I’m bisexual. I like men and women.”

Again Wayne says: “Thank you for trusting me with that.”

It’s foreign, the acceptance of a parental figure, but it feels great even if he isn’t close with Wayne himself. She vows to make it soon so that he can talk to El and help Will come out to his mom. If anyone deserves this, it’s that kid.

All at once it hits him that this is what a parent is supposed to be. She hasn’t seen her own parents since a short visit in late September that lasted two days wherein he only saw them for a few hours total, sharing one dinner with them and breakfast before they had to leave.

In their brief visit, her father had taken the time to inform her how disappointed he is and how Stevie – sorry Steven – isn’t living up to the Harrington name and how he expected so much more from him. His mother had been in the background tutting and shaking her head. She never stepped in and has always taken his father’s side, despite the fact that he’s an asshole.

And it’s not like she didn’t know that already. He has long since known that she’s not going to be the businessman her father wants her to be, that he’s not going to keep the Harrington name high like his mother has always done, that he wants to move out and get away from them. That she wants to build her life away from them and their toxic ideals. A small part even subconsciously realizing that neither of them have ever loved him.

But it all just hits him again at Wayne’s easy acceptance. Wayne loves Eddie for everything. It’s unconditional and endless in supply.

And she suddenly accepts it, instead of just knowing it. His parents don’t love him and she doesn’t want to be a person they can love. It feels a bit like a burden is being lifted, a piece clicking in place as she works out who he wants to be. She doesn’t have to keep pleasing them.

Yet, he refuses to cry, looking up like she does when he’s wearing mascara and getting emotional about something. She’s not going to cry about parents that she doesn’t care about anymore. He has support. Wayne is there for him and hopefully so will Hopper and Joyce. He has made her own family and she’s not going to waste tears over those assholes.

“Are you okay there, kid?” Wayne asks when he stays silent. Eddie prompting: “Stevie?” as Robin asks the age old question if he ODed there.

She takes a breath and forces a smile. “I’m fine. Sorry. I refuse to fucking cry again. It’s bad for your skin.” Making Eddie and Robin huff with laughter. He turns to Wayne. “Thanks, that means a lot to me.”

“I could tell,” Wayne says and it doesn’t sound mean. Then he adds: “I went to school with your daddy. If you ever need to get out, you can come here.”

He nearly starts tearing up again, but manages to push it down as he says: “I’ll keep it in mind, but they’re hardly home. It’s not so bad. And I’m close to being able to move out.”

Eddie and Robin both smile sadly, they know of his rocky home life. He always insists it wasn’t that bad, but they shut her down every time, so he stopped trying. However, Wayne just frowns and asks: “When did you see them last?”

“I mean, they stopped by for two days in September and they called in August,” Stevie shrugs, decidedly over trying to maintain their image. “They were busy when me and Eddie were recovering, but they also came by in May. Business is moving to the West Coast. I think they have a house there too.”

“Fucking hell, kid, those assholes don’t know who they’re missing out on,” Wayne whistles, before saying, “If you want, you can come over for thanksgiving. We never do anything big, but it has to beat whatever they’ll do.”

Now Stevie is smiling so very wide, his parents are never in town for thanksgiving, since it’s supposed to be a holiday for family and therefore not something they can show off at. Still, it is a family holiday, so he asks: “Really? I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything.”

“Really,” Wayne assures him. “If you feel guilty, you can help in the cooking. Eddie has all his cooking skills from me, which are very little. And you looked plenty comfortable there.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Stevie says, feeling like her face is splitting in two.

After that Wayne finishes his dinner and bids them all a good day, before disappearing down the hall to his room to sleep. The new bungalow giving him the luxury of a room with good curtains, which have helped according to Eddie.

Fuck, Eddie, she turns to him and quickly asks: “You don’t mind me coming, right? I can not come if you want me to.”

“Stevie, sweetheart, I’d love nothing more,” Eddie assures him.

Robin complains: “Ahw man, I was hoping to invite you to my thanksgiving, since you’re supposed to be my boyfriend. You would make it so much more bearable to listen to auntie Linda and her stupid gossip.”

A warmth blooms his chest at the words. He knows his friends want her around, but it’s never not nice to hear. An idea pops in his head and he says: “I mean, if Wayne and Eddie agree you can tell them you’re celebrating thanksgiving with me.”

At the suggestion Robin’s eyes practically light up and she turns her puppy eyes on Eddie immediately, who laughs: “No need for the eyes, Robbie. Of course you’re welcome.”

“Hell yeah,” she cheers, already rambling on what she needs to tell her mother to get her to agree to let Robin come, which devolves into her complaining about said mother while they get ready for work.

Saturday is a busy day as is Sunday, but the week drags on rather peacefully after.

On Wednesday he calls Madame Tucker as has become customary to do every other week and fills her in on what has happened. “So Eddie and Robin took it well and I’m thinking about coming out to the kids as bisexual. The whole gender thing is further away, but you know, baby steps.”

“Oh, I’m so proud of you, honey,” Madame Tucker squeals into the phone. “It’s absolutely criminal that I can’t pinch your cheeks right now. I feel like a proud mother.”

Stevie laughs as he jokes: “Still a single mother?” before asking, “Or did your date work out? If he was a dick I can come up there and beat him up.”

“Don’t worry just yet, doll, I have my security beefy friends here too. And it’s not necessary at all, by the way,” Madame Tucker assures her. “The date was lovely. Brian was an utter gentleman. I’m seeing him again this weekend, actually.”

“Tell me everything,” Stevie demands and they’re on the phone for a few more hours.

Friday they play DnD and Stevie tells them that he’s invited them to her house for a sleepover tomorrow and that he got Hopper to agree to let El come and Max is coming too. Tells them it’ll be fun, just dick around with the only adult supervision him, Eddie and Robin.

The kids jump on the idea already making snack demands and arguing about what movies they’re going to watch. Stevie looks up at Robin in the door way, eyebrow raised, she nods at her, then looks to Eddie and smiles. He’s going to confirm it.

That Saturday she has a double shift wherein in the kids come in and annoy him about what to watch. All of them are there. Max with her crutches and big, thick glasses (she had confided how him wearing glasses too made her feel better about it, Stevie stopped looking into contacts) and El, who has never been, usually fine with the others picking.

El wins getting to pick something, since she never has before, which only leads to all the kids trying to influence her. It’s really funny when Mike tries to pull the boyfriend card and El tells him he doesn’t show her all the things, before turning to Max for a recommendation.

Max naturally dawns a smug grin as she leads El to the good movies as the boys protest. It’s nice to see them act like that, Stevie thinks. Like kids.

There is so much fondness in her heart for them, his own little family. He thinks they’re going to be solid after this. He hopes so. She never thought she would have this, but he’s getting more and more used to the idea of having people, who won’t leave. It would break her if they did now.

Eddie picks up a few of the kids, Stevie the others. It’s routine. They’ve fallen into a co-parenting act together, which Robin teases them for relentlessly. Stevie secretly thinks it’s nice. It’s nice to work together, to not be responsible alone.

The kids have settled on The Goonies and Top Gun. They all settle in to the blanket fortress they’ve built. They have so many snacks that Stevie just knows they’re going to be hyper before they all crash.

He decides it’s time while they’re watching Top Gun. They’re at the volleyball scene and she comments: “I get why Nance has a Tom Cruise poster. He’s fucking hot,” desperately trying to be casual about it.

“Hm, he does look like he’s sweating,” El, sweet innocent El, says in turn and they can’t help but crack up.

Max softly says: “He means hot as in attractive. Or at least I think so.” She gives Stevie a look asking for an explanation.

She nods: “Yeah, I’m bisexual.”

Stevie is studying all the reactions. Will look so proud and relieved as do Eddie and Robin, while the other Hellfire kids nod, they’ve been eased into it and already suspected. Max luckily looks like she knows what he’s talking about and is okay with it.

That leaves El, who looks incredibly confused as she asks: “Bisexual? What does that mean?”

“Well, it means that I like both girls and boys. In a romantic sense. If someone’s gay they’re a boy who likes other boys, while lesbians are girls that like girls, just like straight boys like girls and straight girls like boys. I like both and that’s bisexual,” Stevie explains patiently, glad the others have all shut up and don’t try to interrupt.

El nods in understanding, mouthing the word to herself, which makes Stevie smile. He knew that El would get it and be cool. Still, she’s glad to confirm it.

“I need to tell you something important about it, El. It’s important to me that you listen. Can you do that?” he asks, hating that he has to tell her this too.

She nods, frowning at the serious tone and confirms: “I am listening.”

“Not everyone is accepting of people who like people who are the same gender,” Stevie says, her own heart breaking as she does. “They think it’s outside the norm, unnatural, wrong. These people are of course incorrect, but they still attack gay people, if not physical then verbal. It’s very dangerous for people to know.”

Her frown deepens, anger mixing with the confusion, hardening her face which is starting to soften again as her curls get longer again.

“Me telling you is trusting you to tell no one, who wasn’t here. I know you take friends don’t lie very seriously and I can respect that, but you cannot tell Hopper or Joyce. Anyone,” he has to press to drive the point home, no matter how much it sucks. “If the wrong people find out, then I could be in serious danger. Do you understand?”

“But- But dad, Hopper, he’s not a bad man,” she says, like she can’t understand that Hopper would ever hurt a friend.

“I know he’s not,” Stevie assures her. “But even good people can have bad opinions. And until I think he’s safe, I’m not ready to tell him. Not to mention that this is something personal. It’s my thing to tell people, my decision. It’s polite not to say until someone has said so themselves. Please, tell me you won’t say. Promise.”

“I promise,” she says. “I won’t tell. People who think like that are stupid and if anyone hurts you I’ll crush them,” she adds to her promise in a matter of fact tone, making Stevie smile.

“Then you’re also safe to tell that I’m gay,” Eddie tells her, piggy backing on Stevie’s explanation to tell Max and El as well. “I only like boys.”

El looks at him just as seriously and says: “I won’t tell.”

“Thank you, supergirl,” Eddie smiles.

“I won’t either, by the way,” Max adds. “And I think it’s cool. Thanks for trusting us and shit.”

“No problem, Red,” Stevie smiles and Eddie winks with a thumbs up.

Then Max ruins the moment, by saying: “But really? Tom Cruise? Do you have to be a basic bitch about it?” which makes everyone laugh as the room returns to normal and they watch the move for a bit longer.

After they finish Top Gun Max reveals she has brought nail polish for her and El, trying to pull Robin into it too. They demand girl bonding and want gossip on her dating life with Stevie. With a suffering look, she goes with them, Stevie laughing at her misery.

Will has brought a few board games and they collectively discover that Stevie hasn’t played many of them, because she always portrayed himself as too cool for them, while not wanting to appear stupid in front of friends, who already knew the rules from playing with their families.

However, the kids don’t mind explaining at all, even if they yell over each other or correct the person who is speaking and devolve into arguments. It’s warm, homey.

He looks through the room, his parent’s house never feeling like home unless others are there. She meets Robin’s eyes, who winks at her, before making up a ridiculous date that never happened.

Robin doesn’t want to tell the kids just yet, Stevie asked when telling her and Eddie about wanting to come out. She now knows they’re cool, sure but she isn’t as close with the kids as Stevie and Eddie are. Save maybe Dustin and Erica.

Besides, Robin’s parents will disown her if they ever find out, no matter how nice they are, and she needs them to get through college, unless she gets a scholarship. So until Stevie has his own place (he doesn’t want to risk his parents coming back with her there), she is staying comfortably in the closet.

Nothing wrong with that, and if she has some fun with it, then it’s her business. And Stevie’s, who will have to endure the kids’ teasing over it. And Eddie, who will also make fun of the kids making fun of him.

In the end, he is right about all the kids crashing. It’s only the physical therapy that both Eddie and her have had to do, that allows them to carry the kids to the blanket fort.

Eddie, Robin and Stevie retreat upstairs to Stevie’s room, loving the kids, but being too old to sleep on couches and mattresses on the floor. So, they get into her bed, Robin muttering: “Stevie, your bed is the most comfortable, but your room is just creepy.”

“I think it’s because it feels like it’s from a catalog,” Eddie replies, getting behind Stevie. “When you move out, we’re gonna make sure your room has personality. I swear it, princess.”

Stevie is very excited for that day. He has never known what to do with his room that would make it feel more like home without angering his mother. She never succeeded, but he thinks he can without her mother’s expectations. He never fit in there anyway.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “I’m looking for something, you know.”

“Yeah?” Eddie hums.

“Found something yet?” Robin asks.

“I was thinking of trying to find something with two bedrooms. It’s easier with the house prices going down after everything, you know,” Stevie says. “And it’ll be a good investment for when we want to get out of here. Value should go up.”

“God, you’re such a business child sometimes, it’s creepy. Don’t sell into the capitalistic overlords, promise me, Stevie,” Eddie says.

Stevie rolls her eyes, but laughs. He says: “I won’t. What I was going to say, I don’t know how much either of you moving in is still a plan or possibility when it happens. However, with two bedrooms we can share, but still have a bed for if someone doesn’t feel like being touched. Plus, we can tell people that Robin and I share, because we’re supposed to be dating and Eddie can live there too without it being weird.”

They’re both quiet for a second, then Robin shuffles closer, hugging the other two as she says: “I can’t believe you’ve put this much thought into it. That sounds amazing, dingus. Gosh, we’d be the best roommates.”

“That’s smart,” Eddie agrees. “Though I don’t think I’m ever not sharing. I hate sleeping alone. I get nightmares easier and I move around more. I fell out bed last week, my ass hurt for days afterwards.”

All of them snicker, talking a bit more about how they’ll decorate. However, they also feel the exhaustion after the fun night, so they drift off during their conversation.

The next morning is naturally chaotic. Stevie is making breakfast but with him included there are ten people to cook for. Ten people who just woke up. Ten people who are grumbling as they get dressed. Ten people who have to use the bathroom.

It’s a lot.

However, this isn’t the first time he’s hosting the hoard and he has the mom pose and the voice down, so they do listen to her. Sometimes. Enough times.

After breakfast, Robin has to be brought to work, Stevie having afternoon shift. Eddie also has to work. So, they split the kids with what is handiest direction wise.

Eddie takes the Sinclairs and Mike, along with El, who is going to the Wheeler house. Stevie is bringing Robin to work, then dropping off Dustin, Max and Will in that order. Soon they’re loading in the kids, who all reluctantly say goodbye, only hurrying because of Eddie and Robin yelling at them about being late for work.

Stevie only speeds a little – trying not to think of the safety of the kids in Eddie’s car – but makes it on time for Robin’s shift, telling her she’ll see her later when he clocks in.

Dustin teases him the whole ride about his girlfriend, which she takes with an eyeroll, making up some embarrassing shit about Robin as a little act of revenge.

Will and Max together are pleasant company. Will is content to silently sit by, only offering his input from time to time, while Max tells Stevie about school. Max has a lot to make up after recovering, but she’s managing and Will says he’s been settling in okay after moving back over the summer.

Both are nice to hear. Good news is always nice.

They say goodbye to Max, watching her disappear into the Mayfield’s new government appointed bungalow. Then it’s just him and Will.

She drives in silence for a moment, then says: “El took it well.”

Will nods, staying quiet for a second, then he smiles: “Thank you, for talking to her. And explaining so I don’t have to. I really appreciate it. Especially after everything.”

“It’s okay,” Stevie assures him. “I don’t mind talking to El about it. And we all have to learn not to talk, I just got lucky with people to tell me before I did it. It worked out in the end. Plus, despite the fact that it was aimed at me, it’s nice to see you stand up for yourself. You deserve to take up space and I’m glad you’re learning that.”

“Thanks,” Will blushes. “Like I said, Cali was good for me. I’m glad we’re back, because I missed my friends and having more people that get it, but I needed a break from it all to accept myself more, I guess.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Stevie agrees.

It’s quiet for another moment, then Will says: “I’m going to come out at thanksgiving. It’ll be easier and Jonathan will be there. I want him to know.”

“That’s nice,” Stevie says. “I hope it goes well.”

“Me too,” Will sighs.

“Hey, look at me.” Will does. “It’s gonna go well. You’re going to have El there and you’re telling people who love you so so much. This isn’t going to change that. And when you’ve done it, you’re gonna get hugged and accepted and it’s going to be great. When that all happened, I want you to call me. Me and Robin are going to the Munson’s for thanksgiving. You know the number?”

“I do,” Will assures him, smiling with tears in his eyes.

“You’re going to call me and I’m going to congratulate the shit out of you and you will have another thing to be thankful for, okay?” she says, feeling a bit bad how part of this reassurance is for herself. How he subtly gave Will a number to call if it should go wrong.

“Thank you,” Will sound so sincere that it physically hurts.

“Of course, baby Byers,” Stevie says.

Then Will offers: “You could come to our thanksgiving. Mom adores you, Hopper too. You’re family, they would want you there.”

Stevie chokes up a bit and replies: “That means a lot, thank you. But I already said yes to Eddie and Wayne, maybe another time. Besides, Jonathan will be home. You guys should get to spend as much time together as possible. We see each other plenty.”

“I guess,” Will says. “But you can’t think you’re not welcome, you are. We’re each other’s people now, right? You look out for me, I look out for you.”

God, this kid is going to make him cry. “Yeah, yeah, of course,” she tells him with a lump in her throat, happy that he’s pulling up to the Byers house.

Joyce is already waiting on the steps, waving at them and offering Stevie a cup of coffee. For a change, Stevie accepts the offer. It’s nice to talk to Joyce again and to hear Will talk excitedly about the movie night, both her and Joyce smiling fondly at the kid.

Life is looking up.

~~

A/N:

I know, random POV switch there, but I felt the need to show that conversation, because it is important, you know. We all had to learn. Lets hope this teaches someone before they can make the mistake themselves. Anyways, no hate to Will, he’s one of my favorites and deserves the world <3

And I will keep making my little PSA’s here in the notes, bc you don’t have to come out. Ever. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, even if you know you can.

[lordelmelloi2]

It's so surreal. Like it started with someone who was WELL KNOWN for being into incest on twitter moving to tumblr and then integrating seamlessly into fate tumblr circles without anybody saying anything or even noticing anything even though it was blatantly up-front via a link to their website in their bio. Then another person who was known for being into incest came back to tumblr. Now people are openly discussing wanting to fuck characters that are without-a-doubt underage, stated as underage, and meant to be read as nothing else but underage... all under this guise of like, queer-liberative-act type shit where it's Bold and Awesome to be Unabashedly into Incest and Pedophilia. Because you're queer or whatever. And like a year and a half ago it wasn't like this.

To be honest I feel pretty let down. For a while there I thought I could rely on people to try and be more aware of Why incest/pedophilia shit was wrong, how it normalizes the abuse IRL and actively makes it much more difficult for survivors to come forward about abuse and recover, but somehow it's like everyone mutually all gave up on trying to respect the feelings of survivors in this fandom. Like genuinely. And there's certain things I've given concessions on because I've been here 7 years and I'm pushing 30s and have mellowed out but this is just disappointing. Like you guys can't be serious. You really care so little?

I am acutely aware of how it looks being a Type Moon fan and being against Incest and Pedophilia. I'm also here to tell you as a Type Moon fan I don't think Nasu's intent with his writing is to push incest as a thing that's acceptable. As a Case Files fan I know the work actively condemns it and acknowledges it as an abuse, same with other things like pedophilia and teacher/student relationships and such. I don't think Type Moon is trying to say that incest is okay, otherwise the tragedy that happened to Artoria wouldn't be such a massive glaring focal point in the story, also coming forth in LB6. Like I don't know how many times they need to write a story where the incest is a bad thing for people to get what's being said there.

A lot of Type Moon's themes are just "People struggle with abuse". I enjoy Type Moon works because I enjoy those themes. I loved seeing Sakura lash out during Heaven's Feel and I loved seeing her get called out and I loved seeing her kill her abusers. I loved Rin treating Kirei coldly during FSN and trying to protect Shirou from the emotional abuse that Kirei could inflict in a short period of time, because she was innately familiar with it. I loved Illya's confusing controlling feelings towards Shirou later turning to warmth as she realized she wanted to be family with him. I appreciated how Waver in Case Files tells Reines not to make her incest jokes and how he stands upright against people condoning abuse or enabling abuse in any way. Typically TM works don't try to shy away from showing how people get messy about it. There are things characters do that are showing that they have been abused or groomed, many many times. That's another thing about TM I enjoy.

But I don't enjoy romanticizing or sexualizing that aspects of the character's abuse for my own pleasure. I don't think that's the point of the stories, or the point of what the authors are trying to convey. That's just my personal feelings. But as an incest and pedophilia survivor I can't stand it when people act like the ramifications of said romanticism/sexualization of the messy parts of being abused/abuse in general don't exist. These things affect people. I don't feel safe in the fandom in general anymore because I am noticing this trend where people just don't care about incest as something that Happens to Real Life People and something that shouldn't be so carelessly romanticized. And it's fucking everywhere anymore! In any erotic spaces, there's tons of incest roleplay shit. You don't have to have a Master's in research psychology to know this constant romanticization has real life ramifications. Pedophilia notwithstanding, since most people can generally agree that wanting to fuck teenagers is weird, but somehow 16 is okay? 17 is okay for some of you guys?

It's weird. Genuinely, I think it's weird. I'm just like in disbelief anymore that things have gotten this bad in this short of a period of time. It's not that I'm going to leave tumblr or anything, by god I'll still post forever, I have plans to spend the next 10 years on here lmfao but I just needed to Point It Out. I don't know if there's anybody else who's been feeling this same way as me, but I hope to find others who can openly speak about the way it makes them feel, too. That's really all I want right now. I'm looking for other Type Moon fans who want to make space for incest and abuse survivors and be Open to critique whenever someone points out "hey that character is a minor" rather than just digging their heels in and going "well they're magic/fantasy!" about it.

[teplejtrouba]

will and eddie being friends headcanons:

- eddie ADORES his art. paintings, drawings, whatever he's into at the moment, eddie's always gonna tell him how cool it is and how much he loves it

- they're both DnD obsessed nerds and that's definitely what most of their time together is spent doing. making new characters, coming up with the story for the rest of the hellfire club. eddie always goes hard with the drama and gore and tragedy and fights and will is more into the fantastical elements and chatacter relations and aesthetic choices for the worlds and stuff. so together they come up with the most awesome campaigns

- will LOVES drawing/painting their ideas. and eddie sometimes asks him for specific art too and always wants to see the stuff will did on his own. he definitely drew everyone's characters and loves coming up with like locations where their stories take place and then when they play they put his drawings on the table for the Atmosphere

- eddie loves seeing how the always quiet and timid will becomes passionate and excited and dramatic during their DnD sessions

- but at one point he realizes that will is like that with him even when they're not playing and it's because will feels like he can really be himself around him and trust him and he knows he won't make fun of him or make him feel bad for being annoying or taking up space

- i think will tells him that as well at one point. eddie definitely cries a bit when he goes to sleep that night

- a part of it is definitely the Queer Solidarity™ eddie notices right away but he's Sure after a few weeks of observing the way he acts around Mike. so they definitely have a talk. i think eddie would either nonchalantly mention a past male crush/lover or work it somehow into DnD talk. like 'this is the character i came up with years ago and this is his husband, who later dramatically dies in his arms after saving the kingdom' or something. the conversation is slightly awkward and eddie doesn't pressure will into saying anything really but he just wanted him to know that it's okay and he's not alone

- helps him with the mike stuff for sure. they come up with a secret codename so it's not suspicious to others

- eddie really helps will stand up for himself more and just be a bit more confident

- maybe before the coming out thing they have a similar talk to the one will had with Jonathan about being a freak. he needed to hear it again, that it's okay to be different, this time from The Freak of hawkins high

- he's will's personal bodyguard. if anyone is mean to him or bullies him he definitely makes sure it never happens again

- joyce LOVES him. he becomes attached to her too because he never had a stable mother figure in his life and she's the nicest mom in hawkins. she's glad someone's looking out for her boy now that Jonathan's in college (Eddie's on really good terms with him as well), maybe he drives him from/to school sometimes. she invites him to dinner at least once a week

- eddie makes will draw some design he's been thinking of for a while. eddie loves it and will doesn't think much of it except that it's really cool and he's glad eddie likes what he did with it. and then when he comes to hellfire one afternoon he almost has a heart attack because that's HIS picture on EDDIE'S ARM

- and eddie's just so excited. he didn't tell him that he's gonna get it tattooed because he knew will would protest but eddie really wanted this and would do it anyway so he just asks for forgiveness and not permission

- will just. does not comprehend. but eventually after he questions Eddie's sanity for a few minutes he just. hugs him.

- eddie tries to get will into metal and mischief. it works partially, will likes some of the songs but still prefers Jonathan's music taste. but he's always gonna listen to anything eddie brings him because he loves how excited he is about showing him so of course he's gonna let him ramble about his favourite bands for hours.

- I don't think will would be really open to trying beer/weed/cigarettes/other drugs and Eddie's honestly glad, he always offers it as a joke. he tries drinking beer one (1) time but it's gross

- eddie lends him his jacket one time and he does feel pretty cool in it. I don't really think will would be brave enough to explore his style in any big ways but i think eddie notices will's interest in his fashions. so he gets will a cool ring for his birthday and he's always happy when he sees him wearing it to school

- i don't think will would really come to his concerts (or that Joyce would let him) but he does enjoy seeing him practice on the guitar. maybe he tries it out a few times too. or helps him write songs for corroded coffin

- they're just. they would love each other and i hate the duffer brothers for not even letting them meet

[dragonmuse]

So I know there’s cultural expectations of queer people to look a certain way (ie lots of transfems feel pressured to be thin, fat phobia and ableism in the gay male community), do any of the main “cast” (for lack of a better term) feel pressured or insecure?

Yes, they absolutely do. Putting this one under the cut because it got long.

Oluwande almost doesn't continue his drag career over it. He blames dancing etc, but he is acutely aware of how how people respond to him before he says a word. When it seems like just another place to get rejected, he closed it all down. When Jim pushed the subject, he decided he could put up with it just a little longer if he didn't have to face it alone. Jim didn't find out about the extent of it until they were already settled into their act and successful. It's a long hard discussion, but they both come out better for it.

It's also the reason Frenchie, John and Pete have such a strong bond. None of them move effortlessly through the community, but they accepted each other right from the start.

Pete because he is sexually active and spent years going to bars to hook up, experienced way more sexual rejection. He doesn't give up because he's a stubborn man, but it wounds him. In Baby, I'm Amazed, Pete asks Lucius that first time if he finds him attractive in or out of drag because he gets far more interest from guys with a fetish for drag queens then for himself. That does things to a person. He's excellent at bluffing, but it's only when he stopped wearing a wig consistently while in drag, that he accepted himself more.

When we meet John in Someone to Watch Over Me, he has assumed that no object of his affections would ever love him back. Even years later, he almost didn't respond to the library's general call for queens who would be willing to read to children because he thought they would prefer someone that looked entirely different. It took a lot of convincing for him to go and now he loves it and gets a lot of validation from it.

Frenchie has more innate confidence, in general, but a lot of that comes from having to develop a subtle 'Fuck You' attitude as armor. He's more careful than he is insecure, but there were bad days, especially before he figured himself all the way out.

Lucius has a lot of insecurities, but as he famously says in canon 'I've decided to hold myself like I'm cute'. He has his days where he compares himself to 'cuter' men, and feels shitty about himself. Wanting to be absolute dynamite in bed started from a place of compensating for his perceived shortcomings, before he found out he just really loved it and was able to derive tremendous confidence from it.

And Eddy. It's so complicated for her. In some ways like Frenchie, she has strong 'Fuck You' armor, expect hers was reinforced by violence. On top of that they only really came into the gay community at the same time they met the love of their life.

Before that, they were able to get laid just about every time they had an interest to because they were only trying with people fairly close to their inner circle or at least would want to be close to that inner circle. No one was going to make mean passive-aggressive or sarcastic comments to someone who has no issue with extreme violence or sending their horrible lap dog to do a more predictable, but possibly final violence. (There was much debate in the company on which was worse, Eddy delivering her own form of erratic 'justice' on the spot or having Izzy just show up where you live a day later. This is neither here nor there for this ask, but can you just imagine? Yikes).

Eddy's insecurity issues far predate having sex with men, let alone being a part of the community. But hooooo boy, once they are in the there, they are rapidly made aware of some stark issues. The moving target of being femme 'enough' whatever that means comes up more than they would like both internally and externally. Layer that with race and disability and yeah, she has some bad days. After all, Stede isn't unfamiliar with finding her in ensconced in the tub with the lights out.

What makes them all able to push through is strong sense of self. The Revenge staff are a deeply anchored bunch and despite all of the shit that they may have to shovel, none of them are willing to change to become more palatable to the people that make them feel that way.

It's the one thing they all have in common and why they're able to hold together as a unit. Sure Buttons is weird and often off-putting, but he's always going to be Buttons and if you say something shitty to him, you deal with all of them now.

It's also the thing that Stede needed to learn the most and accidentally fell into surrounding himself with. Chameleon pre-Revenge Eddy needed it too.

(Personal note here: I have a deep craving for community and I think that's where almost all of these stories spring from. I sincerely thank all of you that have read all of these stories and get to the end of answers like these, interact or reach out because it makes me feel a part of something.

This has taken me way longer to do than most asks. I've gone back through and fixed and added and adjusted. I'm still not sure I nailed it, but I have to go to sleep at some point.

Let's say if nothing else, they all get by with a little help from their friends. )

[ramblingaboutglee]

As a non-Klaine fan I’m just curious, why do you think they work well together?

I think it depends on the season you're asking about - it feels like klaine never really have a set dynamic, and charting that course is part of what makes them interesting to me.

In season 2, realistically speaking the plot was "The only other gay kid they know that's not kinda a jerk," and it was a cute first love dynamic, but half the drama in S2 was the fact they didn't really know one another at all. It's not, at that point, the bedrock of any long-lasting relationship.

So for me, it's interesting to see how they shift? Like, honestly to begin with, they seem to like the idea of the other more than the reality. Which, it happens - you've got Blaine trying to be more mature and wise than he actually is, Kurt clearly buying it, etc. Then Blaine's uncertainties rear their head in a way no one's ready for, and they have a lot of adjustments to make. And then, four/five years later, they're married.

So that development, honestly, is a compelling one to me.

I've rambled about this before - when it comes to Glee, I feel like most of the early-season ships were never viewed by the writers as epic love stories for the ages, but rather as temporary relationships that would likely end with graduation. From that perspective, there are kind of two iterations of Klaine to talk about. Pre S4's break-up, and post.

Before, they were a mess. Neither of them knew how a relationship really worked, both of them struggled to act sensibly, both of them could be dumbasses at points, and honestly it's generally endearing - they're navigating unfamiliar waters, with the extra dose of queerness thrown in meaning they're much more on their own. I think it's a good journey for both of them individually, though Klaine was more a vehicle for the two of them than something with its own life.

(In-show anyway. Hard to deny the real life impact)

Then we have the break-up, and ooh I really want to ramble that episode at some point. The short version is, for Klaine, Blaine switched schools for Kurt, Kurt graduated, and he's left alone without most of his old friends. he's isolated, Kurt's distracted and struggling to relate while dealing with adult life drama, Blaine messes up. (Which, I am so curious to figure out the fandom view of that. I have one friend who mentioned she thought it was OoC because she viewed Blaine as someone who needed an emotional connection, while to me he'd always seemed more sexual, so idk. I think Glee definitely runs into fanon taking on a life of its own which makes untangling everything trickier)

If we fast forward to when Klaine end up together again, it makes for an interesting contrast. By that point, Kurt is much more sure of who he is, and presumably Blaine is as well, if to a lesser degree. They always had a vague 'first crush' thing, but for me it is this point where Klaine start being a relationship that functions well as, like, a relationship as opposed to just mutual character growth. They chafe, a ghost of their old 'Sometimes they, Blaine especially, focus on an idea and misses the reality' (which is suchhh a throughline to so many people on Glee) but they're much better at working through it.

Even then, it's not perfect, but even what we see of the break-up seems to be handled much better by them compared to S4.

And then there's the terrifying Sue robot. Ah, Glee.

All that to say - for me, Kurt and Blaine individually are good characters. Kurt, the quieter gay kid growing in confidence over years, and Blaine the optimist and daydreamer who sometimes spirals out when things inevitably don't go to plan. Kurt makes for an interesting counterpoint - to begin with, he's the one who almost looks up to Blaine, only to find out that most of Blaine's confidence is an act. It's a relationship where they both draw one another into unexpected territory, good and bad, and have to work out how to navigate it. If nothing else, Klaine is something that pushes both of them forwards.

I don't necessarily view it as the be-all and end-all of ships, I don't think it's the most compelling dynamic in the show, nor necessarily the sweetest - though they do have cute moments - but it's a relationship that helps draw out two characters, and gets rooted in surprisingly grounded drama of two people in a relationships learning to, well, share space. Especially in late S5, that serves to play off of Blaine's tendency to romanticise, and then Kurt's inherent defensiveness, so they end up as a ship that definitely have things to overcome. But then, that is part of what can make a dynamic interesting.

No idea if I put my view well but hey, you ask this blog a question and you get a ramble I guess.