#i had a friend in high school who was manipulative and verbally abusive

[chubblesome]

I wish I could burn this advice inside my eyelids: If someone who used to treat you like shit - be it a friend, family member, or bully - reaches out to you on social media years after the fact, you are under no obligation to accept an apology, justify or excuse the harm they caused you, or accept that they have grown into a better person just because you have.

Once an abusive pattern of behavior is established, it's certainly not going to change with the passage of time alone.

[faggot-vampire-dies-epicly]

Tear me to pieces

Summary: Vanessa was annoyed. Her dad had sent her to check on you at the old Freddy's location on the outskirts of town. She expected the eerie atmosphere and dusty hallways, but she didn’t expect the way you made her feel. | Words: 6,031K

Warnings: Semi-graphic depictions of corpses. Death, murder, missing people, references of child death/murder. Parental abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, manipulation. Cursing. A slight sexual joke. Heavy angst, hurt/almost no comfort. William is an asshole on this one, you guys. Fem!Reader.

A/N: Whew, this took so long! But I'm kind of proud on how this turned out, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I went out of my way to make William as shitty as possible because I love making Vanessa suffer, and well, there's also sort of a plot twist? It's probably pretty obvious but I tried to keep it in the dark a little :). Title is from Lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid/Inspired by the entire album of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, by My Chemical Romance.

Main Materlist | Vanessa Masterlist | AO3

She had arrived at least fifteen minutes ago, but her headache from her father’s berating had not yet subsided. She really wasn’t in the mood to make any effort. In spite of William’s scolding, she wanted just to fulfill her father’s orders in the most half-assed-and-bare-minimum-effort way possible.

Vanessa sighed, staring at the restaurant’s sign. The letters of the neon sign glowed dimly over the parking lot.

She cursed under her breath and got out of the car. She opened the trunk and took out the bag where she kept his fake police uniform. Her father had been trying to convince her for months to enroll into the police force, but she had refused over and over again. Vanessa knew he just wanted her to cover for him, and she refused to be more involved in his crimes than she already was.

She put the uniform over her normal civil clothes, grabbed the fake police badge and the ID and stepped out of the car. 

Vanessa took a deep breath and finally walked to the entrance. 

Doing these checkups was never easy for her. She got to meet pretty mundane people who were practically doomed from the start. From middle aged parents that just needed the job to survive with their kids to college students and teenagers that were fresh out of high school and just wanted to make some money to buy a car or go out with their friends.

They never lasted. Never.

Unfair was an understatement.

At least her father didn’t have to do with the disappearance of the majority. Most of them she would find inside Freddy. It wasn’t pretty. It didn’t get any easier, but at least she knew her father wasn’t the real cause in the end. Or that’s how she tried to convince herself.

She rang the bell, waiting for the guard of this month (or perhaps of this week only) to come out.

She looked back at the parking lot. It was empty except for her car, parked on the darkest corner she could find. The door opened and she snapped her head back to the entrance.

And she saw you, looking confused.

“Is there anything I can help you with, officer?”

She stared at you for a moment. “Another college kid?” she thought wryly, “she’s not even going to last the full week”.

Vanessa forced a smile, suddenly becoming too aware of the way your gaze wouldn’t leave her face.

“Hi,” she said in a slightly strangled voice. You frowned.

She blushed slightly and cleared her throat. “Sorry. I’m Officer Shelly. Vanessa Shelly,” she laughed awkwardly.

Vanessa extended her hand out, hoping you would understand the gesture and shook it. You complied. It was gentle, but firm. 

It made her skin tingle.

Vanessa swallowed, trying to shake the feeling away. 

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious,” she began. “I just wanted to check on you. When there’s a new night guard in this place, word spreads fast.” 

You made a confused face, but you nodded. She smiled at you, “can I come in?”

“Um,” you hesitated, then sighed. “Yeah, sure,” you said while stepping aside. She gave you a polite smile and she went into the restaurant.

Once inside, she looked around. It looked the same every time, but that didn’t make it any less dreadful.

The place used to be crammed with kids and their families. There were always birthday celebrations, kindergarten graduation parties, some people just going for a quick bite after a long day. Hell, sometimes even some high school students would show up after homecoming.

She remembered it well. The smell of pizza, the laughter of children, the animatronics singing and dancing. 

And then, her father inside the suit. The police sirens, mothers crying, fathers yelling.

A chill runned down her spine, snapping her out of the memories. You eyed her curiously at the sudden reaction, but said nothing. 

Vanessa cleared her throat again, “how long have you been working here?”

You licked your lips, an action Vanessa got too caught on. “A couple of days only.”

She hummed, nodding. “Has anything weird happened?” You swallowed, “weird how?”

Vanessa shrugged. “Like someone trying to break in,” she said casually, glancing around. “Or,” she trailed off, “equipment malfunctioning, like the monitors, or the cameras, or…”

She turned to face you. “Maybe the animatronics getting a bit quirky.” She tried to be as nonchalant as possible while mentioning the animatronics.

You seemed to tense up slightly, opening your mouth to answer but then snapping it shut again.

“No,” you said finally, with a slightly higher pitch than usual. “Nope. Nothing like that has happened, ma’am.”

Vanessa grimaced at the formal way you addressed her. “Please,” she forced some humor into her voice, “don’t call me that.”

“Oh,” you breathed out, “I’m sorry Officer–”

She raised her hand, signaling for you to stop talking. “Just,” she sighed, “just call me Vanessa.”

You breathed out softly. “Sorry, Vanessa.”

The way you said her name had her avoiding your gaze nervously. “God, Vanessa, get a grip,” she thought.

“It’s fine,” she dismissed quickly.

You two stood there in an awkward silence for a few moments. She couldn’t bear it.

“So, what made you decide to work at Freddy’s?” Vanessa internally scolded herself for asking something so stupid and personal.

“Oh,” you said, shrugging. “I just wanted to make some money before the school year starts.”

Vanessa nodded slowly, “Highschool?”

You shook your head. “College, actually.”

Her eyes widened, you looked younger than you were then.

“That’s,” she blinked a few times, “nice.”

You nodded awkwardly, and she smiled. “What’s your major?”

“English literature.”

“That sounds interesting,” she said thoughtfully.

“You know, I never considered going to college,” Vanessa murmured, thinking how her father would reduce her to dust if she even dared to suggest the idea.

“Is that why you’re a cop?” You said bluntly. You quickly realized how that sounded and attempted to take it back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Vanessa stared at you blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing. 

You smiled, confused. 

“Don’t worry. It is probably why I am a cop, yeah,” she said, smiling, trying to regain her composure.

Not one of the previous had charmed her enough to even smile, and now you were making her laugh.

She obviously couldn’t tell you that she wasn’t actually a cop. She sighed, gazing at the clock that hung on the wall. “Well, I better get going, I still have to patrol a couple of blocks,” she lied.

You nodded, understanding, and then escorted her to the door.

“I may come back another night to see how you’re doing, alright?” 

“Sure.”

Vanessa nodded, but before you closed the door, she spoke again. “You never told me your name.”

You smiled, “Y/N.”

“Y/N,” she echoed, then nodded. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you too, Vanessa.”

And with that she made her way back to her car, her heart pounding inside her chest.

She returned four days later by her father’s order. 

Same routine. Choose the darkest spot in the parking lot, put the fake uniform on top of her normal clothes, grab her fake badge and fake ID and put on her bravest face. 

It was the same procedure she had done for years. Except, of course, that this time it was pouring, and she hadn’t brought a rain coat with her.

She frantically rang the bell, feeling the rain wet her clothes and soak her to the bone. 

You opened the door, letting her through. She mumbled a thank you as she rushed inside.

“God, you’re soaked,” you murmured. She snapped her head towards you, almost straining her neck, and you blushed at how that sounded. “I, I meant–” 

Vanessa sighed, looking at her uniform, “I know what you meant,” she grumbled.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “I think there’s a towel in the office. Come with me.”

She followed you to the office while shivering. You offered your chair for her to sit and she gladly accepted it.

She watched you search every corner of your office for a towel, but the only thing you could find was a handkerchief. 

“Sorry, this is all I have,” you scratched the back of your neck as you offered the piece of cloth. She took with trembling fingers, and immediately dried her face.

“What brings you here again?” You asked, sitting on your desk. She sighed, untying her hair to try and dry it a bit with the handkerchief. 

“I just want to see how you are doing, honestly,” she said, making a face. “I didn’t read the weather forecast, as you can see.”

You chuckled a bit, “you’re going to be fine.”

A beat passed and you spoke up again, “actually, I have coffee, would you like some?”

She groaned softly. “Oh my God. Yes, please.”

You chuckled again, taking out a thermos from your backpack and pouring some in the mug sitting on the desk.

She took the coffee hastily and took a sip, humming in contentment. “I think you’re the first guard to bring coffee to the job,” she murmured. You raised your eyebrows.

“Okay, first of all, that’s ridiculous. The job is being a night guard, I can’t be the only one,” you rolled your eyes, and she smiled into the mug. “And second of all,” you looked into her eyes, “you met the other guards?”

Vanessa choked on the hot liquid, and coughed. She had said too much.

“Um,” she said, trying to recover. “Well, I met some of them,” she laughed awkwardly, avoiding your eyes. You hummed, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

“And how were they like?”

Vanessa sighed, as flashbacks flooded her mind. 

Sometimes she would find their bodies still sitting on the chair, their head laid down on the desk. She would consider herself lucky when she found them like that. Usually they had been just stabbed on the chest, or the stomach. It was probably Foxy, or that’s what she liked to think.

Other times she would find them in the supply closet. Dismembered, split in a half, headless, or smashed. She would have to hide the bodies and additionally clean the whole room. 

The animatronics were relentless, especially, she had come to realize, if the person looked like her father, even if it was just the minimum. 

She didn’t blame them of course. They had been trapped in there for at least two decades, and even if they had forgotten what happened, and who did them wrong, they still subconsciously searched for vengeance.

“Vanessa?” 

She snapped out of her thoughts, “yes?”

“What were the other night guards like? I mean,” you shifted on the desk, leaning in. “I mean, I’ve heard that most of them went missing. But that can’t be true, can’t it? That’s too many people to be a coincidence.”

She swallowed, looking at the remaining sip of coffee on the mug.

Vanessa cleared her throat in an effort to regain her composure. “Well, I’m sure most of them simply quit.”

“You don’t seem so sure,” you said, arching an eyebrow. She tried to brush it off by chuckling. 

“I mean,” she sighed, “it would be too many people to be a coincidence, like you said. People don’t just… disappear.” 

You frowned. The tone in which she had said it made your curiosity rise. 

Just as you were about to ask her to explain what she meant, she drank the last of the coffee and handed you the mug.

“Well, thanks for the coffee,” she looked down at her hands, where she was holding the handkerchief. “And for the…” she waved the piece of cloth, “this.”

You smiled and her heart sped up. “Sure thing."

It had become a routine. She came back to supposedly check on you, but in reality she just wanted to see you. To hear you.

She ached to look at you as you ranted to her about a boring book you had been reading lately. 

She brought you dinner sometimes, which you always took with a smile, and a thank you in a soft voice, which made her heart leap into her chest.

Vanessa wasn't what people would call experienced in love, much less in dating, or relationships, but she knew that what you made her feel was not only attraction, but also affection.

Affection had always eluded Vanessa. First from her father, given his nature, and then from her mother, who vanished from the face of the Earth when Vanessa was a child.

But you were different. You seemed to exhale affection through your pores. It was so natural for you, whether with her or with everything else, that she could feel devotion slowly consuming her.

Her father had started to suspect that something was up. He had always controlled her outings, only letting her out at night to fulfill her duties as his spy, but she was checking on the guard a little too much for his liking.

He had even cornered her, grabbing her arm tightly and pressing her against the wall. “I’m warning you, Vanessa,” he said. “If I find out that you are crossing the line between my orders and your personal matters, it’s not going to end well for either of you. Especially not for her.”

She had suppressed a shiver as William let go of her arm.

Vanessa knew it was risky, but she didn’t want to stop. In fact, she couldn’t. It’s like she had become addicted to you.

Addicted to your smile, your humor, your voice. 

She hadn’t even touched you yet, aside from the handshake on the first night she met you, and the occasional brush of hands when she handed you some food, or when you gave her a mug filled with coffee.

She loved to hear you rant about the books you read, even if she thought that reading was boring, especially the books you always chose to read.

“I’m telling you,” you said, “this has to have some truth to it!” You exclaimed, holding the book up, whose cover read “The Turn of the Screw.” 

“What if ghosts do exist?” You continued. She rolled her eyes, slightly unamused by your interest in the supernatural. 

She knew ghosts were real. The whole place was a proof of it. All the deaths, and the attacks, it was obvious what had provoked them, but she remained silent as you kept speaking.

“I mean,” you continued, “you know energy can’t be destroyed, right? And humans are energy. So what really happens to our energy when we die?”

You seemed fascinated by the concept of ghosts now. All thanks to that stupid book.

“Y/N, you can’t be serious,” Vanessa scoffed. 

You rolled your eyes, “you just don’t get it.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

You grinned, “I could lend you the book if you want.” She chuckled.

“That won’t be necessary, believe me. I know enough thanks to what you have told me,” she smiled.

“Well, that sounds like you don’t like reading.”

 She laughed, “Not all of us can be workbooks like you, you know?”

Your grin widened. “You just don’t appreciate the beauty of reading and analyzing.”

Vanessa hummed, and smirked, “that must be why I became a cop.” You groaned. “God, no. I thought you had forgotten about that.” She smiled.

“I never forget the things you tell me,” she said softly. 

You smiled softly, blushing slightly while you looked down at your book. On the page you were left on you put the handkerchief, which you were now using as a separator, and closed the book.

“You know,” you spoke softly. “I know that might have sounded pretty mean. But I said it as a compliment.”

She met your gaze, “how so?”

You licked your lips. “Well, I could never be a cop. To be a cop you need to be brave, smart and caring. Reading is something I’ve always loved, that’s why I’m majoring in english literature, but you,” you paused. “You became a police officer to help people, something that has never crossed my mind.”

Vanessa swallowed, knowing that she wasn’t a real cop, and that she wasn’t pretending to help anyone but herself and her father.

“Your decision to pursue a career that allows you to help others doesn't compare to my futile decision to study literature because I like to read and be annoying.” You smiled at her again. “I could never be like you, and I admire you, honestly.”

She felt a little overcome with emotion, and completely filled with guilt. She swallowed her feelings down.

“Thank you. For your kind words.”

You grinned, “as long as I’m alive you’ll get to hear more kind words coming from me.”

One night, when Vanessa descended the staircase, carrying the bag with her fake belongings, William was waiting for her at the foot of the steps, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

He wore that look he always had when he was planning something, like a predator stalking its prey.

“Vanessa,” he began, his voice cold like ice, “where are you going?”

She swallowed, lifting the bag for her father to see, hoping he would deduce her intentions, but he merely arched an eyebrow. “I’m going to Freddy’s”, Vanessa said in a small voice, “to check on the night guard.”

She brushed past him, walking towards the garage.

“You’ve been checking on her an awful lot lately, hm?” 

William trailed behind her, his pace slowly but his steps wide.

Vanessa didn’t turn to look at him. She opened the car’s trunk, throwing the bag inside, and just hummed in acknowledgement to her dad’s words.

“Is there a reason why?” William insisted.

Vanessa sighed. “No, dad. I just want to keep an eye on her,” she closed the trunk with more force than she intended to. “I’m just doing as you told me. I’m just doing what you entrusted me to do.” 

He hummed, sounding more like the typical cartoon villain than an actual man. 

“Remember what I told you, Vanessa.”

Vanessa didn’t answer, she just opened the driver’s side door, and got into the car.

Just as she was adjusting the mirror by her window, William grabbed her wrist tightly, and squeezed even tighter.

Vanessa groaned.

“I’m serious, Vanessa,” he leaned closer to her through the window, towering over his daughter. Vanessa felt herself shrinking on her seat.

"If I catch you spilling your guts to that filthy little friend of yours, I'll skin her alive, and you, dear daughter, I'll lock you up in the basement with the prototypes of animatronics I've been working on.”

Vanessa’s breath got caught in her throat. “Dad–” she tried to explain, but he just kept talking, squeezing her wrist harder.

“And I assure you, little girl,” William practically sneered, “this time those animatronics will serve their purpose if you dare come near them."

Finally, he let go of her wrist, or rather, he flung it away from him, and Vanessa's hand hit the mirror.

William walked away, slamming the door behind him as he left the room.

Vanessa sat there, still trembling, holding onto her hand, which hurt pretty bad. But she didn’t know what was worse, if the physical pain, the threats against you, or the threats against her.

When she had finally calmed down enough, she turned on the engine, and drove away.

Away from her father, and looking for you.

Your smile had disappeared, and turned instead into a frown as soon as you saw the state she was in. 

A nervous mess, with tense shoulders, and a bruise starting to form on her wrist. Wide, alert eyes met yours instead of the usual bright eyes that typically greeted you.

You closed the door behind her, the atmosphere was so tense that it could have been cut with a knife.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” she sighed, leaning against one of the tables that were used for dinning back in the day.

You crossed the distance between you and her in two seconds, and delicately took her injured wrist.

“Then what is this?”

Vanessa’s pulse quickened. You were touching her.

Your skin felt so soft, so warm, and inviting. She suppressed a shiver as she swallowed dryly and looked away. 

“That’s just,” she gestured with her other hand, “an occupational hazard.” “I've never seen you have one of these before," you murmured. “Does it hurt?” You asked as you poked the bruise lightly. Vanessa hissed.

“Shit–” you let go of her hand as if it burned you. “I’m so sorry–”

“It’s fine,” she cut you off. “I’m fine, really.” She ran a hand through her carefully arranged ponytailed hair. “That just… happens sometimes. Sometimes things just happen to you, and you can’t explain why.” She swallowed, “you never know if you did something to cause them, or if that is just how life works.” You opened your mouth to say something, but then closed it again.

“Come with me,” you said finally, walking towards your office.

She hesitated for a moment, but ultimately followed you.

Once inside, you took your backpack and began to search inside. After a few moments, you pulled out a cold juice can wrapped in the handkerchief from last time.

“I brought this because I wanted to give it to you,” you said after you saw Vanessa’s look of confusion. “But I have books in my backpack, I don’t want them to get wet.” 

You unwrapped the handkerchief, which was now cold. With a subtle gesture, you  extended your hand towards her, indicating for her to bring her wrist closer.

She complied. You took her wrist, wrapping the cold cloth around it.

“There,” you said, “that’ll help with the swelling.” 

She took a deep breath, touched by the gesture.

“Thank you,” Vanessa said, meeting your gaze as she smiled softly.

“Anytime,” you replied, offering the juice can to her. “Besides, it matches your uniform.”

Vanessa smiled, taking the can from your hand. Her fingers brushed against yours, which caused a tingle to go down her spine.

Your smile widened, your eyes traveling to her injured wrist. “I hope it helps,” you gestured towards the piece of cloth wrapped around her wrist.

Vanessa nodded, pulling the tab from the can, and resting her lips on the cold surface of the lid. “It already feels better,” she admitted with a soft voice.

“Good,” you replied. You both stood there in silence, and Vanessa couldn’t help but notice that providing her with some comfort made you look strangely content.

“Have you seen the animatronics perform?” She asked suddenly.

You huffed a laugh. “Uh, no. Not really.”

She took a sip from the juice, “would you like to?”

You met her gaze, holding it for a second, and then you nodded.

When Vanessa woke up the next day, she lay in bed, mulling over everything that had happened the night before.

You giving her your handkerchief to help with the swelling of her wrist, the juice can, the animatronics' performance, the dancing, the way you rested your forehead against hers as you laughed after tripping over your own feet.

It felt surreal, to say the least.

When she finally decided to descend the stairs to find something to eat, her father was in the dining room reading the newspaper.

Their eyes met, but due to the fight from the night before, neither of them said anything and shortly after, William disappeared from her sight.

She was relieved, of course. A day without William meant a day without problems. No arguments, no empty threats, and no deathly stares.

Vanessa decided to just stay in and relax. It was true that she was glad William wasn’t around, but she didn’t want to upset him further by going out without permission. With her going out almost every night, deliberately disobeying him and lying to his face. She didn’t want to think about what could happen if he found out.

Hours passed and Vanessa was growing worried. Had something happened to him? 

It was true that whenever they were together, Vanessa felt like she had to walk on eggshells, always being on edge. But he was her dad after all, wasn't he? Her only family.

After a while of pacing out in front of the door, Vanessa sat down.

She started dozing off, and just when the clock was about to strike midnight, the door opened, with a very calm William stepping inside.

Vanessa immediately jumped from her seat, rushing to him.

William gave her an exasperated look, but smiled to her nonetheless.

He unceremoniously walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge, and Vanessa trailed behind him.

“Dad?”

William ignored her, taking the carton of milk out of the fridge, and setting it on the table. He then turned to the cupboard, taking out a mug, and lastly, took out powdered coffee from the kitchen cabinet.

“Dad,” Vanessa insisted. What was his deal now? Was he going to ignore her until his anger had dissipated?

He turned around, turning on the hot water, and filling his cup, which was now full of coffee powder. He hummed a tune, one Vanessa could recognize from the songs the animatronics used to play, she clenched her fists.

“Father,” her patience was running out, her voice was more commanding this time.

William continued on his task, now pouring the milk after having dissolved the coffee with water. Then he took the sugar jar and opened it.

She hated him. She hated him so much.

She hated his smugness, his incredibly enormous ego, the total dismissal of her feelings, the threats, the fights, the screaming, the hits –

Her fists clenched until her knuckles turned white. What was his problem? All Vanessa had ever done was to please him, and when she displeased him just once, he preferred to be away all day and ignore her afterward.

“Look at me!” she all but growled. 

William audibly sighed, taking a sip out of his drink. He put the mug on the counter, and finally acknowledged Vanessa’s presence.

“Tell me,” he said in a monotone voice, “are you going to visit your little friend today?”

Vanessa swallowed. “No, I’m not.”

William raised his eyebrows. “Oh, really? That’s surprising.” 

Vanessa opened her mouth to answer, but he interrupted her with a low chuckle. “I mean, you were so eager to see her last night, weren’t you?”

She inhaled, trying to relax and push her uncomfort down. “Yes,” she said between her teeth. “But since it upset you, I’m not going to go check on her for at least a couple of days.”

William hummed.

“Is that satisfying enough for you, father?”

“Bah,” with a dismissive gesture, he waved off her words, turning his head to the side with disdain.

“Playing the “father” card with me, like you’re a little kid,” he murmured to himself. “I know what you’re doing,” he turned to her, closing the distance between them.

Vanessa recoiled, panic etching her face. 

She tried walking away from him until her back hit the wall, and William finally cornered her.

“You think you’re so smart, huh?” He smiled condescendingly at her. “You think you’re so tough, so… lucky. One day reality it’s going to hit you, and you’ll realize you’re not worth any of the trouble you’re causing.”

He raised his hand towards her face.

Vanessa’s breath quickened. She felt as if all of the air in the room suddenly vanished. Her chest felt tight, her throat was dry and her eyes burned with unshed tears.

William gently stroked her cheek before slowly sliding his hand downward. He rested his hand around Vanessa’s neck, not squeezing, just to hold her in place, like a silent warning.

His voice was soft and calm, but incredibly supercilious. “The day will come, Vanessa. Just wait and see.”

After a week of radio silence, Vanessa couldn't take it anymore and went to look for you at work.

Something had changed. She didn't know what exactly, but you weren't the same.

You would barely face her, let alone look at her. You would avoid her touch, you wouldn't accept her offerings of food.

You didn't offer her coffee anymore.

Vanessa couldn't help but wonder if it was something she had done.

Every time she tried to mention it, you brushed it off like it wasn’t important.

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” or sometimes it was “I just had a rough day, don’t worry about it.”

You were lying, it was painfully obvious, and both of you were aware of it.

But why? What had happened? 

Vanessa couldn’t help but roll around in bed every night, thinking, analyzing.

Whatever it was, she was determined to find out.

There was something else, too.

Her father had also changed his behavior.

He stopped asking where she was going. He also spent most of his time in the basement, working on his projects.

Vanessa honestly didn't mind as much, she felt better with him being out of sight most of the time.

That night, when she went downstairs ready to check on you at Freddy's, he was in the living room, reading the newspaper.

“How's your little friend?” He asked, not lifting his gaze.

“She's fine,” Vanessa answered, maybe more coldly than she should've.

William chuckled, amused, for some reason.

“I've been thinking about placing an ad in the newspaper to look for another security guard.”

“Another?” Vanessa frowned. “Are you going to fire her?”

William lifted his gaze, “you sometimes worry me, Vanessa.”

Vanessa was taken aback by this, but her father didn't elaborate.

She sighed, making her way to the garage. 

Vanessa heard her father say, “have fun,” as she left the room.

She was inside Freddy's in no time. You had developed the habit of leaving the door unlocked, Vanessa knew she probably had to scold you for that, but she honestly couldn't care less.

Vanessa headed to your office, but something stopped her.

Was that the smell of…?

No, she interrupted her train of thought. No, it can't be, it's impossible.

“Is it, though?” A voice inside her head said.

She swallowed, turning around and heading to the storage room.

With her heart beating madly inside, she entered the room.

An incredibly strong and nauseating smell hit her. 

Vanessa recognized the smell easily. 

Putrefaction.

Death.

And there were you. Or rather, what was left of you.

Her heart was beating so fast that she was subconsciously afraid that her blood pressure would drop and she would faint.

Slowly, painfully so, she approached your body.

At first glance, and also thanks to the stench, she could tell this had happened days ago, if not weeks.

How?

You talked with her not too long ago, barely a couple of days had passed.

How? Who?

Vanessa could no longer stand, and her knees gave way.

How? Who? Why?

All she could do was stare at your decomposed body, the dry wounds, the rotten blood, the pale skin. 

It was like seeing the kids again. All over again.

Before she could When he realized it, big tears were sliding down his cheeks and falling to the ground.

This couldn't be happening. Not to you, at least.

It didn't make any sense, one day she had you dancing in her arms, and now you were lying dead on the ground.

Why?

Could she have prevented this?

She never even get to tell you how she felt. She never got to tell you that she liked you.

Vanessa trembled, unable to stop crying. Was this a divine punishment?

Did God see all her atrocities and decided to take action against her?

She tried to brush away the tears, being too harsh.

It hurt. Everything hurt. From her eyes, to her head, and her heart.

Her chest felt tight, she couldn't breathe. No amount of trying was going to compensate for it.

You were dead. But she had seen you, hadn't she?

And that's when she heard footsteps behind her. 

Vanessa snapped her head back, and lo and behold. You were there.

Vanessa choked, trying to say something, anything.

“You're gone,” was the first thing that came out of her mouth, barely audible over her sobs.

You nodded, softly.

She raised her voice, “why didn't you say anything?”

You just stared at her for a moment. “I don't know.”

“You don't know?” Vanessa stood up on her wobbly legs. 

“It wasn't supposed to be like this,” you say. 

Vanessa looks at your face after what felt like eternity. So that was why you would recoil from her touch. That was why you would never look at her, you would never let her look at you. It was disturbingly obvious now.

Your eyes were basically drained of life, hollow, empty. 

She would have realized something was amiss if you hadn't taken all those precautions.

The tears kept falling.

“I'm sorry,” Vanessa breathed out with a broken voice.

You managed a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. “Don't be. It wasn't your fault.”

She choked on her sobs, her cries getting louder.

“I don't understand,” she choked, “why are you still here?”

You (or rather, your ghost,) looked down, sighing. “I guess what they say it's true. You can't go if you have something pending.”

You approached her. "I guess I should tell you.”

Vanessa looked down at your corpse and then back at your ghost.

“Tell me.”

You sighed, smiling bittersweetly. 

“Let me tell you something else first,” you began. “I still admire you for your decision to become a police officer. I know you think it's nothing. But not for me, because I know you'll help with the investigation. I know you'll report what happened here, and I'll finally get some peace.”

Vanessa swallowed. She wouldn't. She couldn't.

“Anyways, I…” you closed your eyes, and opened them again. “I'm ready to tell you.”

A beat passed.

“I like you, Vanessa.”

Numb. That's the only way she could describe it.

Her hands felt numb after dragging your body through the cold and burying it behind Freddy's, on the empty lot William had bought a few years ago.

Her heart was numb after your confession. 

“I like you.”

It repeated over and over again inside her head, like a broken record.

I like you, I like you, I like you.

If only she could have said, “I like you too,” before your spectrum became nothing more than dust and memories.

If only she had said something before you were killed.

If only she had done anything at all.

She knew exactly who had done it. She couldn't pretend that she didn't see it anymore. 

That night, coming home felt like a nightmare.

Vanessa had barged inside the basement, and screamed at him. At her father.

The one who had taken you away from her.

She screamed, and threw everything she could find at him. She cried, and cried, and cried.

And William remained impassive until he didn't.

Vanessa made the mistake of tearing William's work plans off the wall, and at that moment he finally saw red and revealed himself.

With an incredible amount of force, he grabbed Vanessa and pressed her against his desk.

“What do you think you're doing, you stupid creature? You think throwing a tantrum will bring her back? Do you forget who you are, and who I am?”

William basically spat the words out, Vanessa took a deep breath.

“Look at what you have become,” William narrowed his eyes as he said this.

With a trembling voice, Vanessa replied, “I am what you made me. I am your daughter.”

He growled, “you're unbearable. I want you out of my sight!”

William pushed her out of the basement, and locked himself inside.

A couple of days later, Vanessa was packing everything she owned, including the handkerchief you had given to her that one time, and leaving her dad's house. For good this time.

And a month after escaping her father's shadow, she was changing her last name from Afton to Shelly and enrolling in the police academy.

A/N: Well, that was a ride, wasn't it? Reblogs are appreciated.

[athenswrites]

Welcome Back to the Collection of Athens Writes

Hi! I'm Athens/Andy (they/them). I am a somewhat old yet somewhat new face on writeblr. I'm currently a second year student at a university in the deep south, studying history and anthropology in order to become a museum curator. Most of my free time is spent writing, which is the driving force behind this blog. Writing has become the love of my life over the past ten years.

AthensWrites has had two prior iterations. All I posted here in the previous iteration was privated, including Not Your Typical Fairytale. Don't fear, NYTF will make a glorious return ;)

With all that said, welcome back to the odd writings of Athens, and I hope you enjoy your stay. Below the cut, I've detailed some of my current projects, which range from Sci-Fi (my favorite) to thrillers to fantasy to realistic fiction. I've highlighted key content warnings and tags for each, just to keep you aware. If you'd like to hop on a tag list for any of these stories, please let me know! Some of them I post more frequently than others. I am also very tag list and tag game friendly so PLEASE tag me in stuff. If you need other people to tag in a writeblr tag game, look no further than this post!

The collection is constantly updating and evolving, so stay tuned!

Not Your Typical Fairytale (#nytf)

Although originally planned as a standalone novel, NYTF has now expanded into three separate books: Knight of Dawn, Queen of Noon, and King of Dusk. There's an additional collection of short stories/untold stories planned as well, tentatively titled Pawn of Midnight.

Content warning: gore, death, violence, graphic scientific experimentation, derealization, paranoia, drug use and abuse, alcohol use, child abuse (physical, verbal), relationship abuse (verbal, manipulation), sex (consensual) Related tags: nytf, Piers Hall, Grady Yensey, Rene Dubois, ATLZoS

Knight of Dawn

Piers Hall is the newly crowned monarch of the post-apocalyptic State of Georgia, after their mother, Queen Adele, was declared unfit to rule. Despite meaning well, they find themself unprepared for the role, especially as political rivals, like North Carolina’s President René Dubois and Councilmember Shanna Miles, close in on their tail, seemingly threatening to topple their rule. When various palace staff start to show where their real loyalties, it seems like Grady Yensey, Commander of the Royal Guard and their closest friend, is the only one they can trust. Piers and Grady must scramble to uncover the truth behind Queen Adele’s questionable associates, Piers’ missing past, and President Dubois’ shady activities

International Alliance of Superhumans (#iash)

Superhumans have existed as long as we have, normal people who suddenly develop seemingly magical powers overnight. That’s why the International Alliance of Superhumans was founded in 1945, to help control these superhumans to better humanity. Now, the Alliance's ideals and control is falling apart, as the Underground and the Union threaten its weakening rule over the superhuman community. Fireball is the golden hero of the Alliance , the face of the organization, the beloved apprentice of the Chief Administrator after the death of the one and only GoldenSon. He’s brave, courageous, kind, and always up to take a photo with the kiddos, accompanied by his partner, NightSong. He’s taken down villains from Quantum Rift (the killer of GoldenSon) to Árbol Terror, and now has his eyes set on taking down Hueso Blanco and Morpheus Nox before they can tear a hole in reality. Brigid Roberts is the face behind the mask of Fireball. They’re the only child of the now-deceased Nikki Roberts and find have found themself seeking revenge for Nikki’s death…while also trying to manage this superhero business and their senior year of high school. It doesn’t help that the administration of Wesmoreland keeps threatening to expel them for their aggressive behavior. Hueso Blanco is the epitome of an ex-Alliance villain, a well beloved hero fallen from grace, after Árbol Terror and Quantum Rift convinced him to join the Underground. Now with both of his former allies dead, he leads the Underground, and with the help of Morpheus Nox (an up and coming villain with a terrifying similarity to Quantum Rift) he plans to tear a hole in our reality, ripping out world apart. Martin Garcia-Flores is the sole caretaker of his younger brother, Elias, and would do anything to protect him. After the Alliance's violent threats, he left, in order to protect what was left. He lost friends and family and his love to the Alliance's corrupted side, and now works tirelessly to bring it to his knees…while also trying to work three separate jobs to keep himself and Elias afloat. When fate brings Brigid and Martin face to face, maskless and vulnerable, the two come to understand they may not be as different as they’d both previously thought. Content Warning: violence, gore, death, family abuse (physical, verbal), alcohol (use) Related Tags: IASH, superhumans, Brigid Roberts, Martin GF, Hueso Blanco, Fireball

Space Clue/The Murder of Fredrik Lexand (#tmfl)

In 2183, humans abandoned earth as her ecosystems collapsed and became uninhabitable. Now, the remnants of humanity live in the Lexand Starfleet, a group of 16 name-brand ships, sailing towards deep space. In control of it all is Fredrik Lexand, the 17th great grandson of the original founder of Lexand StarFleet. From his living pod at the head of StarSeeker Alpha, he controls everything and anything that happens to humanity, from their food to their spouses to where the remnants of humanity will travel to. The weight of the world on one man’s shoulders (who are we kidding, of course he has lackeys who do all the menial work), worshipped as a god. Until the morning he is found brutally dismembered, mangled parts of his body strewn all over his office. Humanity freezes, watching intently, as the Lexand Pod is locked down by Detective Scoud Tambry, swearing to uncover the killer, and avenge the Corporate god-king. Content Warning: Violence, gore Related Tags: tmfl, space clue, Triple A Siblings, Scoud Tambry

Something Queer is Afoot (#SQIA)

Something Queer is Afoot is a massive collection of stories, all centering around queer life and romance. The Queer Crew is the group which most of them are centered around. This collection is MASSIVE and has about 10 different novella-length stories within. The content warnings listed below covers ALL of SQIA. Content Warnings: su*cide, death, homophobia, transphobia, abuse (physical, verbal, and sexual), drug use and abuse, religious trauma, sex (consensual and noncon/r*pe) Related Tags: SQIA, tqc, nlth, frf, sunandgun, boc

Still to be added: All of SQIA's individual projects, Cryto Conspiracy, The Great Fantasy American Road Trip, World of Ateine, Neon Squad

MORE TO BE ADDED SOON, SO STAY TUNED!

Athens' Current Objectives....

Blog Tag Directory:

#athenswrites: Personal writing

#athens answers: ask games

#other writeblrs: exactly what it sounds like, other writers I've reblogged

#writers I love: reblogs of close friends or writing that just hits me different

#rblg: general reblog tag

I'm pretty good at tagging extensively, so if you need to find something or are looking for a specific wip in my blog, there's a high probability I've tagged it like crazy

[beautifuloxymoron]

Thoughts on Episode 12 of Marry My Husband.

I'm prob in the minority to say that ep 12 of marry my husband was fine? It just felt like slightly clunky set up episode.

I think Yura entering in the middle of the show was a not good idea but at the end of the day they were following the novel not webtoon so yeah source material just not giving....

That being said. I understand that people were frustrated by JiWon's actions to JiHyuk in this episode. But I think points are being missed and frankly are blinded by ep 11. Let’s circle back to what Jiwon had to go through.

Her mother walked out because she cheated on her father. Got horribly bullied in high school and was manipulated throughout her whole life. Had a husband who was abusive mentally, verbally and physically. Had to live with a horrific mother-in-law. Then had to go through the pain of having cancer by herself and while dying realized she was being manipulated and finds out her best and only friend is sleeping around with her husband. Oh, and can’t forget being killed by both of them.

Trust issues are would just be a scratch of what Jiwon would be going through. When Jiwon was meeting up with Yura, I realized why she backed away from JiHyuk. She must have felt like she was Sumin. She felt like she became the one thing she hated the most - the other woman.

With that being said the story has been fun thus far, I am praying that they wrap up the story well.

[cleoluvrr]

The Last Days of Summer VIII (Rafe Cameron x Heyward!OC)

Warnings: violence, underage drinking, drug use, verbal abuse, jealousy, forbidden relationship, enemies to lovers, gaslighting + manipulation

Synopsis: Stuck in a situation she never dreamed of, Neriah Heyward blurs the line between Kook and Pogue; Rafe Cameron a witness.

masterlist

word count: 2.5k+

↠━ღ◆ღ━↞

It was a very sullen summer after that day. The island mourned equally all around, the loss of Sheriff Peterkin, John B, and Sarah Cameron leaving a large impact on everyone who knew and loved them. 

The search for Sarah and John B had been fruitless, there was boat and no bodies, the two of them presumed dead by the hands of the tropical storm. The sheriff still had no justice, my brother and his friends telling everyone who will listen that John B was framed and the real killer is still out there. The police were still investigating, I’d walked past the station multiple times to see Ward Cameron in and out on various occasions.

School was dreadful for both Pope and I. I couldn’t go a day without hearing something about Sarah being corrupted by Pogues or how my brother was best friends with a criminal. I hear whispers about it every time I go to the club, my time there now kept to a minimum to avoid the constant reminder of John B’s death.

“Hey,” Londyn says. I raise my eyebrows at her, head leaning on my head as I pick at the food in front of me. “Cheer up.”

“I’m cheered.” I respond flatly. “Very cheered.”

“Riah, babe, you cannot be sad forever.” 

“Sorry for mourning my friend.” I push the plate away from me, no longer feeling hungry. Londyn sighs as she rises out of her chair, moving to stand behind me.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” She says, wrapping her arms around me. She rests her head on my shoulder and pouts at me. “You never want to leave the house and you’ve barely talked since that day. You guys weren’t even that close.” I scoff, pushing her off me.

“I practically grew up with him, Londyn. I’ve known him longer than you.” I feel slightly offended at her comment. “He was my first kiss. He may have pissed me off more often than not but I still cared about him.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“No, you shouldn’t have.” I repeat irritably.

My phone rings for the tenth time that day, a blocked number popping up on the screen. I sigh, rejecting the call coming from the buzzing phone immediately. I repeat the motion three more times, ultimately shutting off my phone completely after the fourth call.

“Is that Rafe again?” I nod, setting my head on her dining room table tiredly. “Jesus Christ. He’s still calling you?” Londyn asks in disbelief.

“At least ten times when he’s sober, twenty if he’s high.” I say. “I prefer it over the actual stalking, which he also does.”

Since Sarah and John B went missing, Rafe has been harassing me nonstop. It was obsessive, stalkerish at the least. I’ve caught him waiting outside my school at least four times since it started. He drives past my house every other day, sometimes staking out to see if I’m going to appear. I couldn't go to Brye’s house, it was too close to Tannyhill. I barely go to the Island Club, dodging him was nearly impossible.

He calls and calls until I’m sure he’s blue in the face. Filling my voicemail box with messages about how he’ll leave me alone if I just talk to him. I’m not sure if that will actually stop the constant attempts at contacting me or just fuel him to do it more. I’m certain that my brother’s acts of vandalism on his property only makes it worse.

Londyn’s house is the only place he hasn’t been. He doesn’t know where she lives, so this is my safe place. I haven’t told my parents, nor am I planning to, but I’m sure my brother is somewhat aware of the situation. If he is, he hasn’t said anything, far too occupied with school and whatever it is he, Kie, and JJ do these days.

“Maybe I should just talk to him…” I say turning on my phone a few hours later, lying next to Londyn on her soft bed. She looks at me incredulously. 

“That is a terrible idea.” 

I told her what happened with Rafe at Midsummers and it took a lot of convincing for her to not tell her parents, and nearly begging on my knees for her not to go to the police when I showed her pictures of the bruises he left me. They were still there, the marks had faded over the week but still visible to the naked eye.

She was livid, and rightfully so I suppose. I never heard her say as many swear words in the years I’ve known her than in that moment. It's quite understandable that she doesn’t want me to contact him.

“Maybe it is.” I agree. The Apple logo lights up on my screen as my phone loads. “But I cannot live like this anymore.”

She says nothing as I unlock my phone, opening up the contacts app. I hesitate for a moment, unsure if I should even do it, if it really is a bad idea. My phone rings again in my moment of hesitation, the device vibrating in my hand. I let it ring a few times before swiping the answer button, pressing the screen to my ear.

‘Put it on speaker.’ Londyn mouths to me. I wave her off.

“Hello?” I say. I hear nothing on the other end but silence. “Hello?” I repeat.

“Neriah?” I hear a familiar voice answer back. 

“Rafe.”

“You finally answered. I’ve been calling nonstop.”

“I’m aware.” I responded shortly. I hear his footsteps over the speaker, the phone picking up the sound of him pacing back and forth.

“Why have you been avoiding me? It’s been driving me crazy, y’know.” He says. “I don’t like it when people ignore me, Neriah.”

“What do you want, Rafe?”

“I need to see you. I need to see you right now.” I almost laughed at his demand, shaking my head at the curious girl lying next to me.

“That’s not happening.” I say into the microphone. “Ever.” I clarify.

“Well, I need it to happen. Or I’m going to do something bad. Really bad.” He threatens vaguely. “I don’t want to do anything bad. Do you want that, Neriah?”

“Rafe, you sound like a child right now. What do you want?”

“I’m not a child! I’m a man! I’m a fucking man, Neriah.” He snaps into the speaker, the volume of his voice in my ear causing me to flinch. 

“Okay. Did you call me so you can throw a temper tantrum?” I ask, feeling annoyed with myself for giving in and answering the phone.

“I’m gonna show my dad. I’m gonna show him that I’m a fucking man. I’m more of a man than he is. I’m gonna show fucking Rose, that bitch.” He goes on, not hearing what I just asked. “I’m gonna show you. I’m gonna show you that I’m not a child. I need you to see it in person.” 

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, but I think I’ll pass.” I scrunch up my face, cutting my eyes at Londyn. She tells me to put it on speaker again but I ignore her request. 

“Please, Neriah.” He begs, sounding more anxious as the call continues. I can’t tell if he’s high or not.

“Rafe, you assaulted my brother, you assaulted me, and you’ve been harassing me non-stop. Why the hell would I want to be anywhere near you?”

“I’m sorry!” He says, desperate for me to give him a chance. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I was just so angry. You made me so angry, I just couldn’t control myself. But I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not like that anymore. You just keep ignoring me and I need for you to come see me and then I’ll leave you alone.” He rambles on senselessly, repeating how sorry he is over and over.

“No, Rafe!” I raise my voice. “I don’t want to see you right now. I want you to stop calling me, I want you to stop sitting outside my school like a creep, I want you to stop driving by my fucking house! Leave me the hell alone.” 

The other end of the phone is silent for a minute and I almost think he hung up the phone. He starts chuckling on the other end of the phone, the sound of his pacing footsteps halted.

“You see, princess.” Rafe says, his voice quite ominous. The atmosphere of the call changed suddenly. “I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean you can’t do that? Just stop doing it.”

“No, no. You don’t understand, which I know is hard for you sometimes.” He implies that I’m stupid, which I scoff at. “I was trying to be nice. I was trying to give you a choice, but clearly you aren’t smart enough to make the right one. That’s okay though, because I can make it for you. I guess I’ll have to start doing that more often.”

“Excuse me?” I say. He laughs again.

“I want to see you. I need to see you. So that’s what I’m going to do.” He states matter of factly. “I don’t have to wait outside your house, or your school, or the club. I know where you are at all times, even when I’m not there.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’ll see you soon, princess.” He chuckles darkly, my heart tightening at the sound. “You looked very pretty today.” That’s the last thing he says before hanging up the phone.

I pull the phone away from my face slowly, looking at the device in shock and confusion.

“What did he say?” Londyn inquires, sitting up from her previous position.

I say nothing, staring at the blank screen silently with goosebumps forming all over my skin.

Rafe stopped calling after that. He stopped driving by my house and waiting outside my school. He stopped leaving notes at my door and showing up at my favorite places to hang out. I actually hadn’t seen him or heard from him in days, which was rather unusual as of lately.

It only made me more uneasy.

I kept my head on a swivel after that call, even more than before. Pope noticed my increased paranoia, eyeing me strangely when I would run inside the store anytime a dark truck drove by a little too slowly. He still didn’t ask, and I didn’t plan on telling him either.

My dad made me deliver groceries after I got home from school, barely giving me time to change out of my uniform before sending me off to Figure 8 in his boat. Pope was gone somewhere with his friends, no surprise there, and left me to help my parents with the store. 

The weather was still humid, the sticky heat leaving my thighs covered in sweat, slick as they rubbed together on the walk up to the club. I would have worn jeans had the weather allowed for it, the feeling of chafing uncomfortable in my dark denim shorts. I dropped off the handfuls of bags to the customers, greeting them politely before exiting the building.

My heart stops when I spot the boat, the vehicle occupied by none other but the person I had been avoiding so carefully. 

He catches my frozen figure in his gaze, smiling darkly at me as he watches me back away. I break into a sprint in the way I just came when I see him stand up, running around the club to get to the parking lot where hopefully someone will see me.

I hear him fast approaching behind me, his shoes slapping hard against the pavement as he gains on me. The parking lot is dark, the light of the sun barely peeking over the horizon. My heart pounds against my chest as I hear him get closer and closer, pushing myself to make my legs go faster. I’d never run so fast in my life.

Suddenly, I’m thrown hard against a car, the sound of my body hitting the metal loud in the quiet parking lot.

The wind is knocked out of me, elbow throbbing from the impact. I notice the model of the car and my stomach lurches, knowing exactly who owns it. Before I can recover, Rafe pushes me against the car with his hand over my mouth to muffle my screams.

“Shh, shh.” He hushes me, looking around the parking lot before setting his gaze on me again. “Calm down. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I bite into his palm as I twist in his hold. He hisses in pain and curses loudly, but he doesn’t remove his hand.

“Let me go!” I say, voice muffled by his palm.

He ignores my request, opting to open the back door of the car with his free hand as he drags me towards him. I turn away in defiance, his grip on my body unwavering as he pulls me into his front. I try to use my body weight to my advantage and drop myself to the ground like my father taught me, praying that his self-defense lessons actually come in handy.

“Stand up and get in the car.”

My attempts are in vain, Rafe’s muscles straining against my arms and back as he lifts me back up. He shoves me towards the open door, shushing me as he takes another look around the parking lot. I plant my kicking legs against the side of the car, using all my strength to push against the vehicle. 

“Get in the damn car, Neriah!” He says into my ear. He sounds fed up as he tries to restrain my lower limbs. “Stop fighting me!”

He backs up which causes my legs to suddenly drop from the car and back under me. He uses the opportunity to shove me into the car, breathing heavily from the struggle. I land on my stomach, turning over to kick at him again. The blonde was ready this time, catching my ankles and shoving my feet into the car.

I push my feet against the door as he moves to shut it but he’s stronger, my legs giving out at the force he uses it to slam it. I sit up quickly, harshly tugging on the door handle to escape. When it doesn’t open I try the other side. Before I can climb into the front seat Rafe gets into the car, clearly anxious.

I grab my phone out of my pocket, ready to call the police when it is snatched away and thrown into the front seat. He and I make eye contact and my heart beats a mile a minute at the sight of his hard face staring at mine. He looks far from happy, shoulders tense and eyes dark.

For the first time in a long time, I was afraid of Rafe Cameron; afraid of how far he’ll go if he doesn’t get his way.

[xo-lesserafim]

Enhypen as Kiss of Life songs.

DENI♡ — thank you to my pekpek quad/ people in @k-neighborhood for the plot/ideas, or helping me out! ily fam😊☝️ notes for the specific fic will be added under the notes. and synopsis might change for all of them!

Enha masterlist

DISCLAIMER!

All of these fics are fake, and not ment to describe the following idol’s irl😊 some might be drabbles, some might be fics! It kinda depends on when i write. But i think hoons will be a smau.

NIKI — Shhh

synopsis: it was your friend’s birthday, and she decided to go to a club. While waiting , you saw a guy, who was just your type! Inside, you took a few drinks here and there, and found the same guy. Let’s just say, you’ve said something you shouldn’t had. A few days later, you see him as the other instructor for your dance class. What do you do during those classes? You try to one up each other, of course.

pairings : coach!niki x coach!yn

genre: e2l, love at first sight (well, for the reader,) fluff, possible angst😊 comedy

warnings: swearing, mentions of club, mentions of alcohol, more will be added! Everything in the fic is not the following idols mention life’s, it’s purely fictional!

ft: enhypen, minji and hanni; newjeans, and yunjin and chaewon from le sserafim

word count : ??

note — everyone in this fic is 22+

read teaser read fic

JAKE — Bye my neverland

synopsis: All ago, you’re family has always been archrivals with the sim family. They’ve been fighting for the top spot for best company. But you’ve always had a crush on Jake, and finally confessed him when you were in high school . Neither of your parents accepted it, and you haven’t seen him since. You’re finally 25, and happened to see Jake again. Will you guys be in a relationship, with your parents accepting? Or lovers who will never get to be with each other?

pairing: crush/lover!Jake x fem!reader

genre: e2l, forbbidden love, fluff, angst, more to add.

warnings : swearing, yn's and Jake's parents have an obesseio for being on top, parents no excepting their children's so, mentions of alcohol.

ft: hyung line from enypen, and unnie line from new jeans

word count: ??

note — I suck at angst so be aware :)

read teaser read fic

HEESEUNG — sugarcoat

synopsis: Heeseung, always seems to sugarcoat his words, even tho its always bad. This time you’ve had it, leaving him. Somehow he persuaded you into staying with him. Will he stay true to his word, or sugarcoat it once again?

parings : boyfriend!heeseung x fem!reader

genre : established relationship, fluff, angst

warnings: swearing,breaking up, toxic relationship?

ft: jungwon, jay, and sunghoon; enha. 04 line from

word count: ??

note: do we make this have a angsty or fluffy ending? (only my pekpeks get to know🥰)

read teaser read fic

JAY — Before the “countdown”

synopsis: You’re done with him and his bullshit. Him always manipulating you to come back to him with, a sweet tone, carefully picked words, and a shopping spree. But he always cheats on you? Or makes comments on your weight, saying you’re too fat, too skinny, or what you’re eating every single time you guys are out. Or could it be he makes comments on what you wear out in public, or flirts with other girls infront of you.

pairings : verbally abus1v3!cheater!jay x fem!yn

genre: lovers 2 exes, angst with no comfort, lmk if im missing anything

warnings: swearing, fighting, verbal abuse, mentions of cheating, mentions on your weight, on what you eat, or wear. lmk if i’m also missing something pls😭🙏

ft: mentions of yunjin from le sserafim.

word count : ??

note — jungwon’s fic is pt.2 to this! The yn is the same😊

read teaser read fic

JUNGWON — Countdown

synopsis: Crying at a park,late at night, Yang Jungwon notices you crying. Not knowing what to do, he decides to comfort you. Helping you feel happier in many different ways, and helping you make a “kickstart” and live your life.The only thing you guys didn’t know, the relationship awaiting.

parings: stranger!jungwon x heart-broken!fem!reader

genre: strangers 2 lovers, fluff, angst(?)

warnings: swearing, mentions of stuff from jay’s warnings, comfort.

ft: mentions of jay and yunjin(?)

note — thank flo for making me not do angst…😊☝️

read teaser read fic

SUNOO — Kitty Cat

synopsis: You’re in college, living your best life! Going to partys, getting good grades! While at a party with Sunoo, a guy keeps on hitting on you, while you keep on rejecting him, luckly Sunoo protects you.

pairings: best-friend!sunoo x fem!reader

genre: college au! best friends, fluff

warnings: swearing, a guy non-stop hitting on yn, mentions of alcohol and drinking (readers doesn’t drink any.)

ft: mentions of enhypen members, and yunjin from le sserafim, and keeho from p1harmony.

notes : i actually think sunoo fits this so well!

read teaser read fic

SUNGHOON — Play Love Games

synopsis: On a game called “Love games”, you were a pro gamer, being high level, until your account gets terminated. On a new your new account, you were leveling up quickly, until user @/ppenguin_101 asks you for tips to level up. Over time, you guys became gaming best friends, becoming so close! Telling each others your age, and glimpses their voice. On the day you guys we’re doing a face reveal, you found out the worst news of your life, @/ppenguin_101 was Park Sunghoon, your worst nightmare (who also has a girlfriend.)

pairings: enemy!gamer-best-friend!sunghoon x gamer!yn

genre: e2l, fluff, angst(?)

warnings: swearing, mentions of raging at love games, horrible humor, more to add.

ft: all enhypen members, mankae line in le sserafim and newjeans.

note — probably my favorite one…

enha perm taglist : @wonfied @misokei @cherrysvng

all works perm taglist: @sobun1est @sureogi

taglist: @cha3w0n-hearts @neighborhae

send a ask or comment to be added to taglist or for specific work!

Copyrights © 2023 xo-lesserafim. All rights reserved. do not copy, translate, or repost anything without my permission. 080923

[final-girl96]

Stolen Hearts

Eddie Munson x Reader

NO UPSIDE DOWN!

THIS WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW!

Disclaimer: I DON'T NOT own Eddie Munson or any of the other Stranger Things characters.

Q- When will it be posted?

A- I have no clue. I'm just pitching an idea I have. I haven't even written anything for it. It will be on my wattpad and Ao3 when I do decide to start writing it.

Ideas So Far:

Starts in 1984 senior year of high school

Eddie gets discovered in 1986 at the hideout

YN Hexley is the quiet girl, smart, doesn't have friends, her dad is a rock star, but nobody knows that. Moved from L.A. California to Hawkins Indiana 1980 her freshman year, was homeschooled up until then

Eddie is kind of mean, popular with the girls but they won't admit it because he's "the freak" of Hawkins. Will be out of character

Eddie is a little OOC he can be cruel, self-centered at times, a player never sticking with one girl

Jax Hexley - lead singer, front man of Blood Red Viper, YN dad, from Hawkins originally, had yn at eighteen shortly after being discovered at The Hideout.

Description:

Eddie Munson was only a few credits away from graduating. The problem, though, was that he was horrible at math. In order for him to pass, he needs a tutor so he can graduate and get the hell out of Hakins, Indiana.

Yn Hexley is the perfect person to help, according to her teacher. She's smart and has straight A's. And seeing as she didn't have much going on in her life...she agreed to help Eddie.

She knows who Eddie is, everyone knows who he is. Yn on the other hand; she was invisible. Nobody knew who she was. She moved from L.A. California to Hawkins, Indiana, the place her father grew up. She's been homeschooled her whole life, with being on tour and what not with her father Jax Hexley, lead singer of the rock band Blood Red Vipers.

But he wanted her to have a normal high school experience and make friends her own age. And what better way to do that than to enroll her in his old High School, Hawkins High. He and the band wanted to take a break from touring for a little while as well, write new music for a new album, so it was perfect.

Until she falls for the boy she tutors, Eddie Munson, the leading man of Corroded Coffin. How could she not be attracted to a musician when that's the world she grew up in. Music is her life, and Eddie Munson was the definition of music. Maybe she should have listened to everyone when they told her he would break her heart.

Warnings:

☆ Strong Language

☆ Drugs & Alcohol (Rockstar Life)

☆ Adult Themes

☆ Virginity Loss

☆ Spanking

☆ Choking

☆ Edging

☆ Rough Sex

☆ Unprotected Sex (she'll get on BC later)

☆ Small Amount of BDSM

☆ Oral (both)

☆ Dub-Con

☆ Public Sex

☆ Degrading (slut & whore mostly)

☆ Cock Warming

☆ Hair Pulling

☆ Breeding Kink

☆ Daddy Kink

☆ Dom Eddie

☆ Mead Eddie

☆ Eddie is OOC

☆ Angst

☆ Fluff (much later)

☆ Possessive (he doesn't want to be tied down but also doesn't want her to be with anyone else)

☆ Manipulation

☆ Slight Abuse (verbal & mental)

☆ Cheating?

[esmaxdemirci]

[cisfemale, she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [ESMA DEMIRCI]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [PINAR DENIZ]. You must be the [TWENTY NINE] year old [WAITSTAFF AT FOUR LEAF IRISH PUB]. Word is you’re [INDEPENDENT] but can also be a bit [MANIPULATIVE] and your favorite song is [SWEETEST PIE BY MEGAN THEE STALLION & DUA LIPA]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [FISHERS COVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

@aurorabayaesthetic

pinterest & spotify

tw: abuse mention, miscarriage, car accident, cheating, drugs

stats

name: esma demirci

nicknames: n/a

age: twenty nine

faceclaim: pinar deniz

occupation: waitress @ four leaf irish pub

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: pansexual

birthday: november 4th 1994

sign: scorpio sun, sagittarius moon, virgo rising

ethnicity: arab

hometown: aurora bay

eye color: green

hair color: dark brown

height: 5'6"

tattoos: coming soon

piercings: coming soon

likes - dislikes- headcanons-

biography:

Chaos didn't always follow around Esma and her twin sister Isra. It all started when the girls were five. Their mother had always been slightly erratic, but when their father caught her having an affair with one of his best friends? He couldn't stand it anymore. Knowing Esma was the strongest of the pair, he left her and took Isra with him. This ended up with Esma taking on her mother's verbal abuse, and her mom turning to alcohol. Eventually, she remarried and her stepfather was just as bad.

As she grew into her teen years, Esma began attention seeking, drinking, drugs, and hanging out with people she shouldn’t. Her mother began to get fed up with her, kicking her out when she was 16. This caused her to drop out of high school, couch surfing at her best friend's place; his laid-back parents kindly let her. But it was trouble, she was slowly falling for his girlfriend, and she was falling for her too. It wasn’t very long before they were sneaking around together and she was stuck in some very messy affair that carried on for nearly two years. Funnily enough, it had been the only bit of stability that Esma had ever had.  

Tragedy struck when he got into a car accident and passed away on the scene. The girls had been together that night so when they heard the news they both felt an immense amount of guilt. Esma was unable to contain it; hitching a ride to San Fransisco and never looking back.  She had no money, no nothing, but being somewhat street smart, Esma broke into an empty apartment to live in while she tried to build up some cash. It wasn’t long until she was caught and kicked out so she had to find a new plan. 

Esma still spent most of her time drinking and doing drugs, anything to escape the grief she’d endured over the last couple of years. Finding different bodies to fill the void, until she came across a chef who worked at one of San Fran’s most prestigious restaurants. He was older than her, he had money, and he seemed nice enough so she went home with him, charming her way into his life.  It was only six weeks later she was staring at a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom of his restaurant. It was positive and he was thrilled. Esma couldn’t really picture herself as a mother but her life had been flipped upside down, maybe now she was finally going to feel some sort of happiness. He flew her to Vegas and they got married. 

Only a short time went by before it all started crumbling. Esma experienced a late-term miscarriage shortly after their wedding day. Things turning more sour than they ever could have with her new husband blaming everything on her. Esma had always been strong but not anymore, not after this. She began to believe the words he fed her. It wasn’t long before he was laying hands on her either. She was miserable. When Esma had enough instead of leaving she began to retaliate. This carried on for years until she couldn’t take it anymore, when she found out he got his mistress pregnant, it was over. Esma cooked her husband a nice dinner and laced it with rat poison, then once he was knocked out, she went to the nearest ATM, to withdraw all the money in their joint account, winding back up in Aurora Bay. 

The first thing she did was find a house in Fishers Cove and the next thing she did was find a job at the Four Leaf Irish pub, hoping to forget about everything she had endured. With too much evidence against him, she knew he wouldn't come looking for her. She finally felt strong again.

current & wanted connections:

will update this shortly!

[odysseygame]

Loving the characters and dynamic. I'm curious to know what Fumihito and MC's relationship was like before cheating. Like was Fumihito getting bored of MC because they were basic in the relationship or was MC neglectful in a certain aspect of their relationship or is just a power move on Fumihito's part?

Hope you don't mind if I answer this with a short story to give you more info about MC's and Fumihito's past!

---

Word count 1.3k 

Trigger warnings: Verbal abuse, obsessive tendencies, Manipulation

The Ex

Before you and Fumihito were even a couple, you were the best of friends. Meeting in kindergarten and growing up together, it would be expected that you knew everything about each other. Fumi wasn't always a raging sociopath, though. When you first met him, he was a shy boy who refused to leave your side because many of the kids in your class found him too gloomy to hang around. His perky persona was not the one he'd originally subscribed to.

It was only during your high school debut that he changed his tune.

You wanted to improve your image and become more social so that your last years of general education wouldn't feel like a total bust. Everything from your hair, clothing, and personality seemed to change over the span of a summer. And the results were astounding. Many people took notice of you, and in what seemed like a blink of an eye, your social life blossomed. New friends, extracurricular activities, and even potential love interests all seemed to come out of the woodwork.

That was something Fumihito couldn't handle. With your newfound lifestyle, it seemed as though it was a matter of time before you'd forget about your friendship. Fumi doesn't remember when he came to "love" you, but he recognized he was in love when you made this change.

I use the word love loosely here because Fumi mainly sees you as a thing to own. He's more like a bratty child whose favorite toy is being played with by others. He can't stand the fact that your time is being divided amongst people who aren't him. So, to keep up with your new lifestyle, he changed his own as well. His dark brown hair soon became bleached blonde. His clothing went from raggedy yet comfortable to chic and well-fitting. Even his once reserved tone of voice took on a cheeky yet comforting tone.

Thanks to his own change, he was able to work up the courage to go from best friends to lovers.

Before he became a scumbag boyfriend, he was one of the kindest men you'd had in your life. He'd wait for you after school let out and walk you to your next destination. He'd even have dates planned for every day that he could. In fact, the only reason he'd actually leave you alone was if you told him you had something private planned with your parents (and even then he'd find a way to join you).

Toward the end of high school, you were beginning to be fed up with the constant hounding. The only reason you hadn't broken up was because your friends were so intertwined with Fumi's. A breakup would just lead to unnecessary high school drama.

The first time Fumi purposefully and knowingly manipulated you was when you received a letter from your first-choice college giving you a rejection. When you read the letter, Fumi was in your room with you, watching intently as your face dropped and your eyes began to water.

As you cried into his arms, he couldn't help but feel some semblance of victory. For the first time in a while, he felt as though the two of you were in your own little world. With you relying heavily on him to make you feel better, he got to have your undivided attention through your own actions. For weeks you stayed by his side and talked less to the friends you'd made so far. Too overwhelmed and sad for extensive social interaction.

At this point, he'd gotten it into his head that the best way to keep you by his side was to destroy your self-worth. Even after you got out of your funk, Fumihito was there to break you back down again. Your college life was less than fun with him there to make you miserable at every turn.

"Your grades aren't looking too good. Are you sure you can handle those scholarship requirements?"

"Wow, she's pretty. Don't you wish you had that kind of face?"

"Have you seen your parents' social media posts? They look like they're having the time of their lives now that the nest is empty!"

"You're going to the party wearing that? Babe, I say this because I love you, but do you think that outfit is right for you?"

Your mental health took a turn as well as your social life. Only one of your friends really stuck around (she wasn't frightened off by Fumi), but that didn't do much to motivate you to leave Fumihito's side. You noticed early on that staying by his side resulted in less negging from his end.

At a certain point, it would be obvious that leaving the relationship would be your best bet. But the thought of leaving Fumi left your stomach in knots. Especially since you'd known him for so long. The kind shy boy you once knew was gone, but the hope that he'd revert to how he once was is too great. So you took his abuse. You dealt with walking on eggshells around him. You dealt with his incessant digs at you as a person. You dealt with the stranger who you once thought was the best person in the world.

Though you could keep sane with this lifestyle for only so long. When a friend of yours asked if you'd be down to meet up for a simple night in at their place, you all but jumped at the idea of interacting with someone other than your boyfriend. Your friend even placated some of your worries by explaining that this was just quality time. Fumihito shouldn't be annoyed with you doing this. After all, you'd been putting up with his demands and he should at least show you some leniency with this.

You expected the dozens of calls and messages that flooded your phone. Even going as far as to reassure him in the beginning that you'd be home right after.

"No, you need to be home when I get there. I swear to God, you do not want to test me. You have no clue what your friend could be doing. She's trying to separate us. She's been painting me like the bad guy since the beginning. Do you really want to be around someone who talks trash about your boyfriend?"

There's a chance one more push would have gotten you to get off the bus you were on. And there was one more push. Just in the opposite direction.

"You can't follow simple directions, can you? I'm trying to prevent you from doing stupid shit, and here you are doing the opposite of what's best for you. If you're not home by the time I get back, there will be consequences."

With that, you hung up.

Who was he to tell you who you could and could not hang out with? After all that he's done to you, you deserve a respite from him. After turning off your phone to block out his possessiveness, you made your way to your friend's apartment.

It was a nice night, too. Filled with venting your emotions, great snacks, and just getting to relax for the first time in a while. It was a great brain reset, allowing you to put up with Fumihito's behavior for just a little longer.

Well, you would have, had it not been for what you walked in on at your own apartment.

The days that passed after D-day were filled with nothing but rage and blocks of texts... both coming from Fumi's end.

"I warned you there'd be consequences."

"I needed you here and you weren't."

"You can't blame me for this."

"When are you coming home?"

"We need to talk."

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"Let's forgive each other and move on."

"Come home."

"She means nothing to me."

"You're my whole world."

"Come home."

"Stop ignoring me."

"Come home."

"Please stop acting like a bitch so we can talk."

"Come back."

"I swear things will be better."

"Get your ass back here."

➡️ [Game Start]

[esmaxdemircix]

[cisfemale, she her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [ESMA DEMIRCI]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [PINAR DENIZ]. You must be the [TWENTY NINE] year old [WAITSTAFF AT FOUR LEAF IRISH PUB]. Word is you’re [INDEPENDENT] but can also be a bit [MANIPULATIVE] and your favorite song is [SWEETEST PIE BY MEGAN THEE STALLION & DUA LIPA]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [FISHERS COVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

@aurorabayaesthetic

tw: abuse mention, miscarriage, car accident, cheating, drugs

stats

name: esma demirci

nicknames: n/a

age: twenty nine

faceclaim: pinar deniz

occupation: waitress @ four leaf irish pub

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: pansexual

birthday: november 4th 1994

sign: scorpio sun, sagittarius moon, virgo rising

ethnicity: arab

hometown: aurora bay

eye color: green

hair color: dark brown

height: 5'6"

tattoos: coming soon

piercings: coming soon

likes - dislikes- headcanons-

biography:

Chaos didn't always follow around Esma and her twin sister Isra. It all started when the girls were five. Their mother had always been slightly erratic, but when their father caught her having an affair with one of his best friends? He couldn't stand it anymore. Knowing Esma was the strongest of the pair, he left her and took Isra with him. This ended up with Esma taking on her mother's verbal abuse, and her mom turning to alcohol. Eventually, she remarried and her stepfather was just as bad.

As she grew into her teen years, Esma began attention seeking, drinking, drugs, and hanging out with people she shouldn’t. Her mother began to get fed up with her, kicking her out when she was 16. This caused her to drop out of high school, couch surfing at her best friend's place; his laid-back parents kindly let her. But it was trouble, she was slowly falling for his girlfriend, and she was falling for her too. It wasn’t very long before they were sneaking around together and she was stuck in some very messy affair that carried on for nearly two years. Funnily enough, it had been the only bit of stability that Esma had ever had.  

Tragedy struck when he got into a car accident and passed away on the scene. The girls had been together that night so when they heard the news they both felt an immense amount of guilt. Esma was unable to contain it; hitching a ride to San Fransisco and never looking back.  She had no money, no nothing, but being somewhat street smart, Esma broke into an empty apartment to live in while she tried to build up some cash. It wasn’t long until she was caught and kicked out so she had to find a new plan. 

Esma still spent most of her time drinking and doing drugs, anything to escape the grief she’d endured over the last couple of years. Finding different bodies to fill the void, until she came across a chef who worked at one of San Fran’s most prestigious restaurants. He was older than her, he had money, and he seemed nice enough so she went home with him, charming her way into his life.  It was only six weeks later she was staring at a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom of his restaurant. It was positive and he was thrilled. Esma couldn’t really picture herself as a mother but her life had been flipped upside down, maybe now she was finally going to feel some sort of happiness. He flew her to Vegas and they got married. 

Only a short time went by before it all started crumbling. Esma experienced a late-term miscarriage shortly after their wedding day. Things turning more sour than they ever could have with her new husband blaming everything on her. Esma had always been strong but not anymore, not after this. She began to believe the words he fed her. It wasn’t long before he was laying hands on her either. She was miserable. When Esma had enough instead of leaving she began to retaliate. This carried on for years until she couldn’t take it anymore, when she found out he got his mistress pregnant, it was over. Esma cooked her husband a nice dinner and laced it with rat poison, then once he was knocked out, she went to the nearest ATM, to withdraw all the money in their joint account, winding back up in Aurora Bay. 

The first thing she did was find a house in Fishers Cove and the next thing she did was find a job at the Four Leaf Irish pub, hoping to forget about everything she had endured. With too much evidence against him, she knew he wouldn't come looking for her. She finally felt strong again.

[xcreepypastaheadcannonsx]

please spare some Jane headcanons maybe...? pleeeeaaaaseeee?

*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅

𝔍𝔞𝔫𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔎𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰

*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅

-HONESTLY I don’t even consider her a Creepypasta slasher lol

-Like truly - she’s just put into that group by association, but she doesn’t kill at all

-She’s met and at least knows of the other Creepypasta slashers, but frankly that’s because she’s Jeffs archenemy and he’s hers

-And Jeff is, of course, notorious

-Her goal in life is to kill Jeff, that’s what she lives for at this point

-Originally in high school she was extremely sweet, very nice and kinda the type to be a studious try hard

-But she wasn’t at all uppity about it - she just REALLY wanted to get into a good college and maybe get into politics? She was pondering on it before hurricane Jeff came along and decided to tear her life apart for shits and giggles

-But when she was young she was quite popular, she ran in all circles and cliques, most liked her and she liked most

-Even now she’s the type to wanna talk to her girl friends after getting burger king and do their makeup, like she hasn’t changed into a different person

-But I do think the hatred and thirst for vengeance she has towards Jeff has made her disconnect a bit from who she originally was, and her original outlook on life as well

-In high school she was extremely positive, and tried to see the best in people and in shitty situations she had to go through

-But after having your whole family and friend group murdered one by one and your pretty face burned off by the same person, it’s EXTREMELY hard to find some sort of closure within yourself to explain why that happened

-Would you see that as a lesson if you were in her shoes? Would you see that as just a bump in the road?

-Probably not, and in her mind It was absolutely life shattering

-Her innocent outlook on the world was corrupted, broken to pieces

-Now Jane is a much more pessimistic, cynical person - which is extremely unfortunate

-Jeff lives to corrupt innocence in any way he can, whether it’s torture, murder, verbal abuse, manipulation, or harassment in general

-And Jane lives to preserve it, and her first way of preserving it - in her mind - is to kill Jeff and avenge each and every victim who suffered from his hands

-But imagine if she actually did kill Jeff, the cat and mouse game is over

-She hasn’t in anyway thought about what she’d do next - Jeff’s dead, but her family and friends are still gone, her body is still fully burned

-She’s been doing this for years at this point, what else is there to do? I feel like Jane would become extremely depressed for a while, maybe go back to a somewhat normal life maybe

-But even that’s a huge maybe, she would be such a huge target of other creepypastas because she’s such a threat - it’d be a constant battle.

-So I’d think she’d go back to killing off other Creepypasta murderers and finding ways to destroy them

-Because what does she have left to lose - AND if she killed Jeff The Killer, she could kill anyone

-Olive🐰

[subiysu-chan]

What would Jean-Baptiste, Anne-Marthe and maybe Subyss be like in modern?

Jean-Baptiste: upper-middle class surgent. A doctor who ended up indebted to a super-rich, international illegal porn gang (prostitution rings that include a lot of torture, pedopornography, that kind of stuff) who offered to cover up the fact his children are from his adoptive sister. He's not comfortable with falsifiying medical documents to the police nor doing surgery that would cover up their proofs and so on. Not a pervert himself, but ended up forced to work along with them. When AI pictures came around, he would hope it means production of such pictures would be automated so no actual individuals have to suffer through this, but that hope quickly went away, as things only got worst. Still pious roman catholic, and deeply regrets that he f-cked his adoptive sister. This got him and his girlfriend/adoptive sister bullied so much (in France prior to 2010, this kind of stuff was legal, but, like all countries in the world severely frowned upon), that she was unable to persue education. Stress from motherhood and the constant workplace harassement eventually destroyed her immune system so much, that a simple cough degenerated into something lethal (yes, it is possible, I had a friend who died of a simple degenerated cold). Because they both started their relationship as teenagers, and weren't exactly discreet about it, plus being pious roman catholics while in a public anti-clerical school, they pretty much got jumped daily in high school, and them having kids as such a young age was partially a result of that, but they refused to break up, and Madeleine couldn't bring herself to get any abortions nor abandon the kids. Part of the reason for this break up was: okay, our reputation is already down the drain, so might as well not give up on emotional support. Jean-Baptiste was always more capable of coping with it than Madeleine, simply due to different tempers. With a lot of hard work, and that not so legal help, they were able to climb out of this mess. Still, as an adult, he's still very much messed up, cold and stoic. He ended up marriying someone to kind of tell his community that the marginality is behind him.

Anne-Marthe: Verbally abusive, manipulative...Kind of like in canon, but not as physically violent. A moment of kindness left her to adopt Madeleine, as she was from a disfunctional household with a deeply traumatized and alcoholic single dad who was no longer able to take care of her. That dad was a friend of her previously dead husband, so that helped with the trust. Still quite abusive to her grandkids.

Modern AU Subyss:

Grandson of a member of the Gestapo and a romani woman with a bad case of Stockhölm syndrome. Said grandfather was quite violent, and yet Subyss worshipped him. His parents both died in a car crash, and he was raised by his grandparents until age 10, when he was adopted by a policeman from a very corrupt police station, Madeleine's father. At 14, out of money to finance his passion for music, he accidentally came across an illegal porn and prostitution ring. He got to experience abuse and torture from both sides. His sadism and desire to get out of this had him hired at a slaughter house at age 18, but he was quickly fired for exessive animal cruelty, returning back to being a rock artists who time financed his albums through beating up people. This did get him the chance to travel internationally, however, and to experience luxuries his saleries couldn not possibly afford. Experiencing and giving out sexual torture for the world elite became a lifestyle he's neck deep into, without the will anymore to get out. Sexually tormenting women is his least favorite part of it, since, he's too gay for that, not because of compassion. The porn videos in which he films are quite popular, and he's able to make quite a bit of money. He quickly developped an alcohol addiction on top of his torture addiction. When the internet came around, he did start a Youtube career with his rock music, which, got quite popular. He thinks of maybe one day dropping his crazy lifestyle, but...He's far too addicted to it at this point to leave. He can't even ask for help for fear of being arrested.

[ceydsmelayne]

Conclusion -She Let Go-

Our journey is bumpy together. Our childhood is traumatic. One shines their Light, the other sits in her darkness. As I've said before, our mother has conditioned me to be there for her no matter what, and I have. We've endured drug and alcoholic parents, sexual and physical abuse from them, moving and separation from the family we love, and hardships through high school. No matter how wrong she is in any situation, I held her heart and she held my hand.

After high school, I moved to Florida. She felt I abandoned her. Left her with no one to hold her heart and make sure she was okay. I had been gone only for a few months when I got the call; Michael had been caught videoing her in the shower. The call was from himself. He was ashamed and scared, I could hear it in his voice. What did he expect me to say? All I could say was, well... you have to own up to this and make it right, I don't know how, but this is bad. He already had history with me, and now my mother failed us again, by allowing it to continue on with sister. I couldn't be there for her, I knew she hated me for it.

From a young age, she developed a way with manipulation. She would turn our parents against each other, taking the focus off her so she could do as she wanted. Disregarding the history our step-father had with me and advisement from mother, she chose to wear tight and revealing clothing around him. Almost enticing him so she can turn mother against him. What was her thinking on this? He shouldn't be looking. Well, duh, of course not, especially considering he's supposed to be our "father". He has a problem. There comes a point where you have to protect yourself, why did she choose not to? I by no means blame her for what happened. Mother failed us, but she failed herself too. She always wanted the attention; if I was talking, she made sure she was heard, if Michael was focused on mother, she was distracting him, if mother was focused on Michael, she was distracting her. No matter the cost. Attention whore.

My sister has a history of drug abuse, since she was 13. Drinking robitussin and alcohol, pills, coke, I can only hope meth isn't on that list. All the while being medicated for depression and anxiety. A few years back she had a major medical situation. The doctors couldn't figure out what was causing her so much pain in her hip. She was on the pain meds and drinking. The only way she knew how to cope. Grew up watching our parents. After a long few months, many doctor visits, and a trip to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, she got an answer. By then she was dependent on the meds and the way of life she grew to know. She cut me out most of this time of her life. I knew she wasn't well because of it. Like I've said, she's part of me.

As I'm living my life in Florida, I do my best to water the relationship. The phone calls got shorter and her tone towards me grew colder. She was being molded by the way of life she was choosing. She was already a moody child, but the substances just made it worse. We'd be in the middle of a healthy conversation about whatever she was going through and like a light switch, she'd flip and I've turned into the enemy. I'm against her and she's projecting her anger towards me, causing me to question everything in the conversation. Gas lighter. She's become a narcissist. As her sister, I fought to look past these traits and see the origin of it. I endured for years.

She moved in with me 2 years ago. Excited and hopeful to be together. Nothing but turmoil and chaos. I started divorce papers and we moved in together, it barely lasted 4 months. I couldn't take the verbal abuse and destruction she caused. The moment I realized I needed to move out was the night of her birthday, February 22,2021. We had gone out and the tequila was smooth. My best hometown friend was visiting and we were celebrating. The last bar we went to, a friend, who I had always felt connected to, walks in. My silly self is to the moon excited to see him, while realizing I need to go home. Thankfully, he lived in the apartments next to mine. But I didn't go home. Both of us drunk and in the back seat, I wish I could remember more. Thanks tequila. The door flies open, and I'm being dragged out by my ankles. She proceeds to beat the shit out of me. I barely remember her banging my head against the pavement and her thumbs pressed against my eyelids as I scramble from her hold. She punched Jakob 3 times in the face and threw is wallet and phone across the parking lot. She ran off, calling my ex to tell him I was with his best friend. What a night. I've come to the conclusion that she was jealous, why else would she react that way. When I asked her, she said " because you shouldn't have been there", as if she could tell me how to live my life. I didn't drink for a while after that and I moved out in April.

We didn't speak for a few months. She tried to cause turmoil at my secondary workplace, the kava bar, what had become my safe place. She started to work at one of the locations, even came in as a customer on my shifts. Making friends with my friends and guests at my bar, she enjoyed telling them how she beat my ass that night. It hurt and embarrassed me, which is what she wanted. With time, though, many saw who she was and didn't pay her any attention. She stopped coming around which was nice, but I worried. Come November, maybe early December, she totaled her jeep. Drinking and driving. How that girl didn't go to jail is beyond belief. When she told me, I had a meltdown. She nearly died. I nearly lost her, forever. In December, I Baker Acted her. The scariest call I've ever received. The relationship she was in hit an ending and she swallowed a handful of sleeping pills. She hated me, again, but only for a few days. I helped through that month. It was hell on both of us, but she came out stronger. For a short time.

We grew closer after that. Helped celebrate her birthday again, the sober way. Jakob and I crossed paths again that night, too. The Universe is a beautiful force.

Over the summer, I had heard from concerned friends that she was abusing nitrous. A can had blew up on her and she had turned blue in the face. Ugh, I wanted to cry. I'm scared to lose her. I called my mother, in hopes of getting sound advice and support for my concern. It was the opposite. I was told that my extra curricular activities were no different. On a rare occasion I smoke pot, but more so I eat mushrooms. Not only for the psychedelic effects, but the mental stability I gain from it. It's called micro dosing. In my mind, my mother just compared nitrous to mushrooms, like meth to pot. I was so disturbed by this, I lost even more respect for my mother.

The last couple of months I saw her grow tremendously. She was a joy to be around, we laughed, we cuddled and we told each other how much we love and mean to each other. She had been eating mushrooms. I watched her transform. She loved life, she loved to think deeper about the bigger picture. We went to the beach and talked and comforted each other. Our rollercoaster ride was on the up. I enjoyed telling my grandma, mom and aunt about how she was doing.

What changed? Where did she decide to turn on me? It's come to a point in our story where she let go. I don't think she realizes it, when she does, will she be okay?

Jakob and I had gone to a music festival in Georgia. She calls me frantic about what's just happened. Someone she fell for, but was complicated because he wasn't over his past relationship. No doubt he cared about her, but she didn't want to give him the space he needed. She grasps onto him like her life depended on it. She learned that from our mother. So the fight that caused this call, she's videoed cornering him in his room and aggressively going towards him. He wanted her out. Understandably so. She tells me she has no where to go, I tell her to figure it out, it'll be okay. She has friends she could stay with until I got home. We could figure it out then. I live with Jakob and his family, there's not much for room to help someone figure out their living situation, let alone with an 18 year old cat. I wanted to be there for her, but I'm out of town and cant do anything from Georgia. On that call with me, she didn't mention staying at our house, just that she'll figure it out. She called Jakob's mom. Bless her heart, she heard my sister distraught and wanted to help, of course. We get the text on the way home, that sister is staying with us. I was upset. We have a history of rollercoaster rides in our relationship, this was going to derail us.

She stayed for a week, but that wasn't the problem. Her attitude and entitlement in the situation was. When we walked in the door from our long weekend, she's wearing my clothes, she had been in set up in our room all weekend with her cat. In our space. Trying to talk to her about her plan throughout the week, ended in her gas lighting and manipulating the conversation. By the end of the week we had finally calmly and clearly converse and talked about options and a plan; she felt better and so did I. She left Friday. The entire issue with this situation was that Jakob and I felt like we were taken advantage of and disregarded. I needed to tell her, but timing is everything.

The next week Hurricane Ian was headed towards us. 2 mph shy of a Category 5 hitting our coast. Fort Myers Beach, Sanibel, and Captiva nearly wiped off the map, flooding and storm surge was catastrophic in surrounding areas. We had friends who lost their home staying with us, family of 5 with 4 dogs and 2 bunnies. No electric and everyone's feeling a little tense. The day after the storm, I missed her calls. Cell service is spotty, so I hardly looked at my phone. Thinking its an emergency, I call back. She answers upset because I didn't pick up her beta fish from the guy she lived with. The whole conversation was so ridiculous, I hung up on her. At this point, there's bigger fish to fry.

As life is getting back to normal after the storm, I'm amongst the many who return to work. It felt great to be behind the chair, being there for my guest as they endure the hardships from the storm. Draining, but happy to be a shoulder to lean on. She texts me to touch up her under cut and take care of her brows. I love taking care of her, however she texted me a few hours later telling me she doesn't have the money and if I can spot her. So now I've blocked my last hour for her, so that I can pay for my services. She has a habit of nonchalantly being an inconvenience and she doesn't care either.

She asked me to pick her up from the airport. Mother paid her way home for the weekend. Slightly jealous of the favoritism, I was happy she was able to take a break from her reality. It's not a terrible drive up there, so I had no problem agreeing to it and I brought Jakob's brother. He enjoys adventures with me. I looked forward to hearing about her weekend. Sadly, there was a lot of tragedy back home. Her friend from high school committed suicide and my high school best friend's ex step dad murdered his girlfriend. Emotions were high. I could tell when she got in the car she had been coked out and drunk all weekend. So I knew to tread lightly. I tried to stay focused on my mission for the day; laundry, clean the bathroom, schedule my oil change. She wanted to talk about whatever was bothering me, which good for her on picking up on my vibrations. I tried to deflect the conversation as much as possible, but she kept pressing the buttons. I started with the situation on how I felt about her staying at our house and that was as far as I got. She only heard that I felt taken advantage of. She interrupted me, started defending herself and lashing out. What pushed me the most was her telling me that I'm a shitty person, a piece of shit and worthless. The intention she put behind it and the forceful energy triggered me. As I was moving out of my ex's house, he screamed those same words to me; saying anything to tear me down and break me. The look on his face is scarred in my memory. It was demonic. From that day I vowed to myself to never allow anyone to speak to me that way, ever. The adrenaline rushing through to me, I could feel my throat tightening, palms sweating as I'm driving her to her destination. I pulled to the house and she left. I blocked her immediately, on all platforms. I will stand by the vow I made myself. Never again.

She let go a long time ago. I was grasping hard as she was pulling her hand away. I finally said okay and let go of her heart.

[dearexalt]

you know what’s crazy is that like… when i was in high school, like 14-16 years old, i didn’t have a safe space.

at home i was with my brother who would have massive tantrums and put holes in walls as well as a mother who didn’t understand my mental health. my father was extremely abusive and despite not living with him i saw him often and it hurt.

at school i was bullied so violently i would be physically hurt as well as constantly verbally assaulted in most of my classes (but i had been receiving this severe level of bullying since kindergarten). i also had a highly manipulative and emotionally abusive “best friend” who pressured me into being her closet girlfriend by quite literally cutting off my access to our mutual friends and guilt tripping me whenever i did a single thing without her, as well as taking food and opportunities away from me when i didn’t kiss her.

and then i had another friend who just… really, really messed me up. i made up with this friend so i won’t go into detail.

but at the same time i was unknowingly being groomed by literal pedophiles who would use my CSA trauma against me and relied on me to be their therapist as well as a form of sexual gratification for them (i was 14. they knew).

like… no wonder i had extremely violent urges towards other people. the only place i ever felt safe was my nana’s house. no wonder i cut myself and wrote new suicide notes nearly every day. how the hell was i supposed to cope with that? being freshly traumatized every day while still unable to get over my c-ptsd from my childhood, my anorexia, my dissociative episodes that would last as long as TWELVE HOURS, my several-a-day panic attacks… and then i wonder why i can’t remember so much about my life. bitch i am ill!! mentally!!!!

[newbeginningsinprocess]

But God…

 I want to share a story with you about a little girl. A little girl that was born and raised on the Monterey Peninsula but didn’t really learn to truly live until her later days. 

She was a quiet type of girl who spent much time observing her surroundings and just trying to keep in line with what she thought was right. 

She felt misunderstood, most of the time, but worse than that was the overwhelming fear of feeling alone. It was a darkness that swallowed her up on most days and yet the alternative which was to engage in the lives of others seemed equally terrifying. She tried her best to keep the people in her life pleased and happy with her, but that was extremely difficult because her life was so unpredictable. 

You see my testimony is probably different from yours in many ways, but similar in that  all of us have been raised by humans. The humans in our lives may have done the best they knew how to do in fact I guarantee that some of them did the very best they could have done. The tragedy is that so many of the adults in our lives were wounded, and broken and lacked understanding and so they fell so very short in how they should have treated anyone of us. 

I grew up in a fairly wealthy area (The Monterey Peninsula) . I was surrounded by people who were educated and knew how to behave in public.  My family consisted of my Mom, Dad, me and my younger brother. I will say I never really lacked for anything in the material realm,  But, I basically lacked most everything else.  

My parents brought the pain and brokenness from their childhood and how they were raised  to the table and did a smashing job of taking that hurt and wielding it on me and my brother.  We looked wonderful on the outside. Nice home, nice cars, nice clothes, even private high school, but Inside we reeked of dung. 

I experienced just about every kind of abuse in my home, verbal, emotional, physical and even sexual. My father started abusing me at a young age and continued  through the beginnings of my adolescence.  Around that time, He found other distractions, and for that, I am very grateful.  My mother at the same time was very physically abusive. It seemed I could never do anything right and so I was always “in trouble” for something.  My home was not safe and I would often find small spaces to literally tuck myself into, hoping the storms would pass and I would just be left alone. 

I learned quickly to be quiet and keep to myself. There were rare times I just couldn’t keep quiet, I wanted to scream and fight back, yet when I did, it never ended well for me. I began to feel paralyzed and could not fight against anything that would come against me, not even others ideas and thoughts.  Looking back I now use the term that I was developing into a “non-person”. I had a difficult time even making simple decisions for myself.  I was too busy surviving my home to truly develop the person I was created to be. 

Because of that, I moved through my growing up years as a complete victim. I would even find myself in friendships where I would be controlled and manipulated. It was an amazing set up for failure in life…but God! 

As I moved through high school I found myself, like a lot of teens, trying to find their way through the muck and mire of life. I dipped my toes into different kinds of addictions distractions and medications.  I was desperately trying to find a way to stop feeling.  Feeling meant pain, and the pain was so intense that at times it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to be as far away from my pain as possible. 

As a younger child I found that I could easily escape into my imagination. But as I grew I learned to find other ways to numb the pain.  After high school I was primed for more abuse, but God. Following my high school graduation I was wrangled into going to Christian camp called Young Life. My friend talked me into going with her because someone told her it would be a lot of fun and this would be our last opportunity to go do it together. So, off we went unknowing of the events that we would soon step into.  Needless to say we did have a lot of fun and were glad that we made the decision to go. It was a different experience for both of us having grown up in the Catholic Church. The people around us seemed sincere in this love thing that they had for their God. I remember being intrigued but my best friend seemed skeptical and uncertain of what was happening around us. 

Being a loyal friend and not having the mind to really think for myself I joined in her stream of thought. The night before we had left for camp it was a rather emotional evening. My best friend began to experience a severe headache that she just couldn't overcome. It persisted so much that before I knew what was happening she was being whisked off in an ambulance due to the pain. I was left feeling lost at that moment. I recall wandering outside that evening…I remember having a funny feeling stirring inside. I didn’t have the language to know what was going on, but One of the counselors that I had interacted with over the course of the week “found me” and sat with me for a bit.  She began to ask me some thought provoking questions and seemed to take an interest in me. It felt nice, but foreign at the same time. I don’t remember all the details of the conversation but as the night progressed she began to ask more direct questions about God, sin, salvation, faith and love. I didn’t have any real answers for her but I felt challenged and began to really wonder about things she was presenting. At some point she asked if I wanted to receive Jesus as my Savior. Now she's got me thinking about these huge questions like what is sin and how does a person come to salvation and what happens after a person dies. Again she asks if I want to receive Christ as my savior, and it feels more personal now. 

I thought “well, my friend isn’t here now and she will never know if I do.”  Also I was intrigued and curious at this point. I decided to follow her lead in making this declaration of salvation in Christ. After we prayed she stayed a bit longer and then left me. I remember lying on my back looking up at the thick black sky above. It seemed that  there were more stars in the sky than I had ever seen before. I had this feeling, like a liquid, begin to flow inside. The feeling was warm, comforting and BIG. Not like anything I had ever experienced before. 

As I sat by myself for sometime and  gazed at the night sky, somehow it looked different to me. I thought “the One who created all the stars was now loving me.”  And so began my new found relationship with the Lord. 

I would love to be able to say that my life went well from this point on, but life isn’t so neat and tidy. The next year did feel like a new experience for me. New faces, new teachings, new activities. It was really beautiful, for a while. Life was going pretty well. I was working, going to school, and learning about Jesus. I felt different in some ways but the same. This deep feeling of loneliness ensued. Toward the end of my first anniversary as a Christian, I met a guy that was connected to my extended family members. We began dating but the relationship was bad out of the gate. He was often putting me down and demoralizing me.  He would even talk about other girls that were smarter than me. It was abusive from the beginning. At this point in my life all I knew to do was apologize for who I was. Though I didn’t like how I felt being around him I never even considered that I deserved any different. The end of the relationship terminated in a violent rape. 

As best as I could I tried to move forward but I was left with so many questions. Why would God allow this to happen to me? Why didn’t He stop it? My life began to take a real dive at this point. I tried to push through but at some point it was as if my whole world began to unravel. I moved several times in the next year. Looking back I was running, but the funny thing about running is you take yourself with you. I had made a move to Fresno for a time because I could no longer sustain being in the same school as the man who raped me. From there I had an opportunity to move to France, attend school and work as a nanny. During my time in France I had begun to journal. I recall  writing one evening that I didn’t understand why I was still feeling alone, depressed and as if I wanted to die. While living abroad I made the acquaintance of a Christian family. They brought me into their life and even gave me my first  bible. I felt loved, accepted, a part, and it felt healing. I promised myself when I got back home I would try to follow the Lord and no longer be a slave to the world. Back home again I found a job, picked  back up with school, at the local  community college, and tried. I did for a while maintain my life, but  about a year into being back I “hit a wall” . I walked into class one day and the feeling inside was that I just wanted to scream… long and loud.  I turned around and walked out of the classroom, saying to myself I can longer move forward in this life. 

The interesting part here is that for weeks I had been vaguely aware of a constant ad on the radio. The radio was advertising a place called New Life Treatment Center. A place where those that are lost in addiction, depression and suicidal ideation can find help. I went home, called the number and hoped for help. Before I knew what was happening I was on a bus with a backpack in tow headed for the New Life Treatment center 6 hours south in Pasadena. 

By the grace of God I was able to be admitted for severe depression and suicidal ideation. They were able to take me for a week. Great, I’ll get all fixed up, head back in a week, resume school and move on with my life. I never moved back to the Monterey Peninsula. 

I was picked up at the bus station by a worker at the New Life Treatment Center. I Told him I was glad to have this opportunity, but I was looking forward to getting back to my life after I got this piece of it straightened out. He quietly said that sometimes God’s plans are a little different from ours. I was highly irritated with him from saying that but I kept it to myself. 

My week turned into two, by the grace of God because my insurance only covered one week. They fought to keep me there longer and challenged me to not return home but after 2 weeks, they just couldn’t keep me. From there they helped me to find a woman’s shelter for domestic violence since I had already lived that experience and was primed to continue down that road. I moved from Pasadena to Hermosa beach, then to Glendale to another shelter and finally to Big Bear where I entered into the program at DOVES.  Here I could rest for a little longer as the program was nine months. I had never even heard of Big Bear and in my ignorance I was wondering if where I was headed actually had indoor plumbing? Looking back I could see the hand of God on me. 

Wherever I placed my foot there was a person to extend love, care, acceptance and a heart that was more than willing to help. The Nine months spent at the Doves shelter in Big Bear gave me the time and opportunity to get my feet underneath me a bit . I had to secure a job and a place to live before I was able to graduate from the program. I had begun the long road to recovery. When I speak of recovery I mean that in all parts of my life. I had begun to travel the road of counseling and becoming more self aware, it was painful! I was really blessed to land a job at the local hospital as a nurse's aid and I came across a little studio cabin on a widows property in Bear City. I had no vehicle but I had some money saved to purchase a pretty nice bike and I learned the public transportation system well. It seemed as if I was on my way and on the road to recovery from this brutal place of severe depression. The first few months after leaving the shelter were harsh. It felt good to be on my own but then again, I was on my own and feeling all alone. Especially after living with a house full of women and sharing most everything. Depression set in deep and thoughts of suicide came to haunt me again. I had attempted suicide once at the shelter through overdose, and as I sat in my little studio, I tried again. Paramedics came and took me to the hospital.  Honestly I don’t believe that I totally wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. 

I moved through this time and decided living alone was not working well for me. Before I left the shelter I had made a connection with another woman my age. She would soon be graduating from the program and we made a plan to get a place together. The next move was in Big Bear Lake right up the street from the hospital and a little closer to town, it was a good move. My roommate and I had already been through alot together. Life in a shelter can be quite interesting. We were both believers trying to find our way. She had gotten involved in a bible study quickly after getting out of the program, knowing she needed the support. She would invite me every week and I would continually tell her no. I wasn’t ready to let the world go at this point.  But, one week I finally  conceded and went. Here is where my life took another turn. Who was co- leading the study but Rob. I had no interest in anything regarding men at this point. But when the study was over I found myself talking with Rob with such an ease that it actually kinda scared me. I have only heard the Lord speak to me audibly once and surprise, it was this night! It was as if He was standing next to me and said so clearly “this is the man you are going to marry.”

 I wasn’t excited. Rob is not the kind of man I would ever pick. He was good. He was nice and He was kind to me. Fast forward roughly a year later and I was eating my own words. We were married February 17th in the former Baptist Church on Big Bear Blvd. I want to share this one piece before moving forward. While I was in shelter in Big Bear I would take a daily walk around the surrounding neighborhoods and I recall one time walking by a home and I could clearly see a family sitting at the table sharing dinner together. I remember thinking “would that scene ever be something for my life?” “Could I ever have a life with a family?”  Something in me longed for it, but really didn’t believe it could ever happen for me.  But God. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future. 

This isn’t a story of a girl who got married, had a family and lived happily ever after. I know that life is not that simple. He did pull me out of the muck and mire of a life that I was living. He did place me into a position with my husband and children where I could learn to heal. They gave me a place where I could feel safe, loved and free to grow. 

I have to admit, the earlier years of marriage and family life were difficult. There was so much that would come to the surface and I would busy myself with life to ignore pain, and ignore the healing that needed to continue in my life, but God.  

We say that He is faithful and I realize at times it can sound cliche, but… He is faithful!  But… sometimes it takes looking back to have understanding.  He was working all along.  Using what I allowed him to have access to…and always waiting, and I believe wanting, to do far more than I allowed Him to do. 

2 Peter 3:9 says “The Lord isn’t really slow about his promises, as some people think. No, he is patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”  His kindness is revealed in 2 Corinthians 7:16 “For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”  His heart is one of kindness in that He longs for us to find salvation in Him. We come to salvation in a moment. But the rest, learning about His love, growing, overcoming, healing that comes through the process of living our lives with Him. 

When I got pregnant with our second son Zachary, I made the choice to put school on hold, put my career on hold to focus on and homeschool our children.  About five years ago as my life was moving into another season, I found myself asking the question: what is next? Our two eldest were on the verge of launching out on their own. I had made the decision to be done with homeschooling my youngest, the time had come for me to be done. The question hovered: what was my purpose now? 

At the same time as I was wrestling with these big questions and facing new seasons of life… God was stirring my heart. Feelings from the past were beginning to surface once again but in a different way than I had experienced  before. They were becoming more difficult to push aside or push down. Looking back I believe it was God’s way of saying “it’s time Shannon to deal with what is affecting you more than you realize”. 

Over the years the cry of my heart to the Lord was, “help me to have freedom to be who I am.” As well as “Lord, help me to know that joy that you always speak of in your Word.”

 Again looking back I believe that there were many times when He was gently nudging me in that direction but because I would distract myself with life or I was too stuck in my mindset that it would look a certain way.. . I didn't have the ears to hear. Mark 4:22 says “For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”  The point here is that “all that is hidden will come to the surface.”  The question that is posed to us is, “will we do it our own way or will we do it with the Lord?”  Scripture goes on to tell us in Mark 4:24 “pay close attention to what you hear, the closer you listen the more understanding you will be given and you will receive even more. To those who listen to my teaching more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.”  

So again we have a choice and God is calling us to His understanding. His understanding of what? His truth. His truth about what? Who he is, how he loves us and how we are to love one another. 1John 4:16 “We know how much God loves us and we have put our trust in his love. God is love and all who live in love live in God and God lives in them.” 

 It seemed so strange that I had been saved all these years and that I really did not know God’s love for me. I mean I knew it in my mind. I would say that He loved me that he loved others…but something about it didn’t quite feel real. It's like I knew of God but I didn’t really know Him for myself, for my own. And so I began a journey. I started with some personal goals and changes. I was overweight at this point in my life and I was tired of feeling like I wanted to hide all the time. I began an eating plan that worked well for me. And exercise became part of my weekly routine. I also decided to go back to school and see where that would lead. I had never completed my AA so I started there. 

Let me just say that I was so scared going back to school. All the questions and the fears surfaced…could I do it? Would I be able to learn all that I had to learn? I was scared, I went back scared, but… I went back.  I finished my AA and that gave me the confidence to move on to finish my bachelors. I enrolled at Liberty University and 2 years later, I flew to Virginia and walked with my class to receive my bachelors degree.  I had finally settled on a new career plan as a counselor. Completing my degree was a challenge, but Even though these parts carried their challenges they did not compare to the deep inner healing work that I faced over the last four years. 

One of the things that I have learned is that emotional/mental pain carries the same effects as physical pain. These past four years have been filled with a lot of pain.  In order to get healing, I have journeyed back to places I never wanted to visit again. 

The thing with inner healing and going with the Lord is that there is really no formula on how it works, or what the process looks like or how long it will take. There was not ONE thing that I went through that brought healing to my life, it was many things. It was taking a hike on “my trail” and hashing it out with the Lord, it was the hundreds of sermons that I had listened to online, there were specific worship songs I listened to over and over, and conversations I had with friends and family.  I learned, grew and healed through the education I was gaining through school, I was learning how to forgive myself and others, and allowing myself to have more emotions than I have words for.  I couldn’t even give you a specific time when I began to “feel different” All I know to say is that I began to have this feeling of what I would call “freedom”  I was Learning that the goal was not to reach a place of being fixed nor a state of perfection. But more of a place of acceptance that “I am a work in process.”  I know that most people say progress, but there are times when you don’t feel like you are moving forward, you don’t feel like you are “progressing”  but…the whole thing is a process.  Sometimes, not gaining any ground, not getting better for a time even feeling like you have slipped backwards all of that, at times, is part of the process.  

Above everything, I have begun to experience what it means to be loved by the Lord. The greatest lesson that I am still learning that I’m still trying to digest, is that there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING that I can do or, not do, that could change His love for me.  He has given His love freely. 1 John 4:10 says “This is real love-not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”  I believe that when we think about the love of God we (without realizing it) try to measure it by our human experiences. But I need to tell you, It has to be an experience we encounter for ourselves, supernaturally, and His love, doesn’t look anything like human love.  It is so far beyond how mere humans love.  There is more grace, more understanding, His love comes with more power to break through and bring healing.  1 Thessalonians 1:5 says that “For when we brought you the Good News, it was not only with words but also with power, for the Holy Spirit gave you full assurance that what we said was true.”  Therefore it is both…His words from the bible along with the power of the Holy Spirit that will bring the revelation that we long for to both our hearts and our minds. Pastor Jeff Tunnell would always say “the longest journey is from the head to the heart.” 

 It has been a long journey from eighteen year old me to grown adult me. It’s been a long journey to use what I have learned over the years to bring me to a place where I am actually beginning to live it out. 

I am becoming who the Lord created me to be. I would be lying if I said it was easy or that I haven’t been scared. It can be scary to be real and just hope that others will accept you as who you truly are. But even if I am not accepted by others. I am, and will always be, accepted forever by my Father in heaven.

So, in many ways, My life has come full circle at this time. I am now working at Doves (the place that gave me my new start in so many ways). My job is Transitional Advocate,which is just a fancy title to say that I help other women with whatever they need to get their feet back on the ground, so they can begin their journey. 

 I feel like in so many ways I am living a second life. And I have an excitement about it deep down inside. It is allowing me to love others better because I am learning how I am loved. My greatest hope and desire in life, now that I have begun to taste the sweetness of His love for me, is that I want for others to really know it as well. I don't think that we will ever fully understand His love for us while we are on this planet. But I do believe that He wants us to continue to grow in knowing it…It brings healing to our hearts and minds and it helps us to better love one another. I think God is all for that since all scripture hangs on John 13:34 “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” 

 Let's strive: to know God better, to receive His love for ourselves and to love one another.  

You may be here today wondering about the future, you may feel hopeless and alone.  You may feel stuck or numb and wondering if there is more to life.   I am here as a living testimony of God’s love, faithfulness, care and mercy. Life can be difficult, it is sometimes full of disappointments and even failure.   You may think there is nothing more to hope for….BUT GOD!

[beardedmrbean]

The woman who alleged Suffolk County district attorney candidate Ricardo Arroyo sexually assaulted her while they were both high school students in 2005, but who had kept her silence over the past week as news of the investigation rocked the city’s political scene, has spoken out.

The woman told The Boston Globe Monday evening she initially did not want to speak publicly about what happened.

But after Arroyo, a 34-year-old Boston city councilor, adamantly pushed back against a Globe report that found he was investigated for the alleged assault and another one in 2007, she felt the need to say something, she told the newspaper.

“It makes me feel sick, sick to my stomach,” she told the Globe. “I see so many people continuing to endorse him without finding out more. As the potential DA, women are not going to feel safe calling his office. Their cases won’t get heard. … All those people will be afraid to come forward.”

Arroyo was 18 and 19 years old during the two investigations. He was the sole suspect in both cases but was not charged, according to the Globe.

In the past week, he has denied any wrongdoing and has said he did not even know about the investigations until he was approached by the Globe. A police report from the 2005 case, however, contradicts that, saying investigators spoke with him, his mother, and his attorney at the time, according to the newspaper.

The woman in the case from 2007, via an attorney, recently said Arroyo “never assaulted” her though. Her initial allegations involved her belief that Arroyo may have raped her at a party.

Arroyo has framed the controversy as a political smear campaign spurred by an illegal leak to the media.

“These are serious allegations and, as I said before, they are false,” Arroyo said in a statement to the Globe Tuesday evening.

His opponent in the Sept. 6 primary, Interim District Attorney Kevin Hayden, has denied he, his office, or his campaign illegally leaked the documents to the press.

The news has sparked a few battles on the City Council and has cost Arroyo some endorsements in the race, although some of the largest names in Massachusetts politics had retained their support for Arroyo after the first Globe report last week.

Boston Mayor Michelle Wu had stood by her endorsement of Arroyo, but on Wednesday, following the latest Globe story, rescinded her support, stating that she “can no longer make a public recommendation for a candidate for this office.”

In a similar move, U.S. Sens. Elizabeth Warren and Ed Markey also rescinded their endorsements on Wednesday, saying in a joint statement the “accusations in this case are serious” and citing the Globe report published Tuesday.

The woman from the 2005 case said she stands by what she told police: that Arroyo, who was a good friend of hers at the time, pressured her to perform oral sex, mentally manipulated her, and sent her threats.

She told the Globe she didn’t continue to push the case because it seemed school officials at the John D. O’Bryant School of Mathematics and Science heard the allegations and took action. She did not see Arroyo at school for the rest of that academic year.

“It had been traumatic,” she told the newspaper. “It was easier to finish school and do what I had to do. … I just wanted to finish high school and go to college.”

The woman spoke to the Globe on the condition of anonymity. The newspaper does not identify survivors of alleged sexual assault.

She said Arroyo was verbally and mentally abusive, according to the Globe. She was scared to speak out because she knew Arroyo was part of a prominent political family.

The woman kept the alleged assaults to herself for months until — she thinks — Arroyo hacked into her email account and also sent her threats, the newspaper reports.

Two emails provided to police do not have a sender’s name with them, but both are dated Nov. 2, 2005, the day before police filed an initial report, the Globe reports.

“your a [expletive] undeserving of respect and hopefully you’ll die of your own accord,” one of the emails reads. “watch ur back [expletive] and understand ur mine you WILL NOT make it through this school year.”

Arroyo on Tuesday denied writing or sending the emails, according to the Globe.

“The language in those emails are abhorrent and is nothing I would ever say or have ever said about any individual in written communication or verbally,” he said in a released statement.

He also provided a police department response to a records request he filed in which police wrote they found no “emails from Ricardo Arroyo” to either woman, the Globe reports.

Arroyo told the newspaper he dropped out of school to take care of his mother and her health needs at the time, and that he was never disciplined by the school.

Arroyo files emergency order in Suffolk Superior Court

Arroyo told the Globe on Tuesday his attorney has filed for an emergency order in Suffolk Superior Court that, if granted, will allow him to access the files in the two investigations.

He said he believes the files will reveal that the 2005 allegations were unfounded.

“Instead of taking my word, I want the facts to be public and for people to see the determination made by law enforcement at the time,” Arroyo said in the statement to the Globe. “If the Superior Court grants me access to these files I believe they will prove that law enforcement determined these claims were unfounded.”

He also provided the newspaper several responses he received from the police department to records requests he filed.

One response states that the word “unfounded” appears in the files, but provides no information on the context in which the word is used, the Globe reports.