#yes this is about brandi carlile's you and me on the rock

[ace-whovian-neuroscientist]

i'm not sure where i am on the aromantic spectrum yet but i do know that i want someone to sing the other part to my favorite lesbian country/folk songs. i want a life partner to complete my duets

[rip-quizilla]

Polyjamourous

Eddie x GN!Reader

Description: You get a job at the record store, where you terrorize Eddie with so many different genres of music that he gets whiplash, but your energy is adorable so he's instantly soft for you.

Tags: big grumpy/sunshine trope here, fluff, workplace relationship (kind of), outgoing!reader, Hannah putting her liked songs on shuffle and using them here shamelessly, no physical description of reader other than hinting that they have a glorious gyatt that Eddie can't help but stare at.

Word Count: 2.4K

A/N: I didn't coin the term "polyjamourous"! I saw it in a TikTok by Viktor Fellbrink. Does it describe me perfectly though? Absolutely.

🎧🎧🎧

When Eddie had interviewed you for a job at the record store downtown, one of the first questions he’d asked was about your taste in music. Your response had caught him so off guard that he couldn’t hold back a laugh.

“I’m polyjamourous.” you’d said. 

Eddie had blinked a couple of times, a snorted laugh jumping from his throat. “Polyjamorous…” he’d repeated, an amused grin ticking up the corner of his mouth. “That’s one I have not heard before.”

You had shrugged, smiling the same way you’d been smiling throughout the entire interview. “I listen to a little bit of everything, I like pretty much all music.” 

What Eddie had expected from that was mostly pop, maybe a classic rock hit here and there. Judging by the ripped jeans and Doc Martens you were wearing the day of your interview, he suspected there may have been an emo/alt rock phase in your history so maybe some Paramore or MCR. 

What he hadn’t been expecting was the fact that when you said you liked all music, you meant all music. 

A month into working with you, and he already dreaded the days that you’d signed your name on the list entitled “Aux Cord Dibs” that sat on a tattered clipboard under the counter. The first hour of your shuffled liked songs on Spotify, and Eddie already had whiplash. 

The songs that played (in order) were:

Satisfied- The Broadway Cast of Hamilton

Raise Hell- Brandi Carlile

The Offering- Sleep Token

Magical- Ed Sheeran

Dream a Little Dream of Me- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong

Just to name a few.

Not only were you completely unashamed that the first song to pop up under your aux cord time was a fucking show tune, but you knew every word. You sang, rapped- acted- every word. 

Eddie was now absolutely sure that you had had an emo phase, because this meant you were also a theater kid (same as him, but he wasn’t about to admit that to you) and in Eddie’s experience, most theater kids were also emo kids in some way, shape, or form.

“How much coffee did you drink this morning?” he’d muttered once you’d finished your one-woman show whilst shelving new records. 

“No coffee, this is all natural.” You’d said that with a grin so wide, it was obvious to him that you knew how obnoxious that sounded and you were taking it in stride. 

“You’re just the Energizer bunny… naturally?” 

Somehow, you grinned wider. “Yes!”

You can imagine how terrified Eddie was when you pulled a Celcius out of your bag an hour later. What happens when you give an energy drink to a person with natural energy?

You get impromptu dance breaks. 

Eddie had been boxing up an online order when out of the corner of his eye, he saw your oversized sweatered form bouncing around between aisles to the beat of whatever K-Pop bullshit was currently assaulting his speakers. 

Wordlessly, his eyes drifted to the monitor displaying the security camera feed where he found a full view of your hopping, stepping, and jumping to the bouncy rhythm of a Korean song with random English words sprinkled in. The grainy feed from the camera even picked up the subtle motion of your lips moving, and Eddie’s lips couldn’t help but twist into an amused little smile when he realized that must mean you were even trying to lip sync to the words, and he might be wrong but he was pretty sure you didn’t speak Korean.

His shoulders shook, silently chuckling at your antics until the music slowed down in tempo. Your hips began to move in slow, pronounced circles, sending the rest of your body rolling with the momentum. Eddie knew you didn’t mean to turn him on with the way your hips were moving… but you had an ass that shook when you walked, much less when you were actually wiggling your hips around. It wasn’t a you problem that was making Eddie’s eyes bug out of his skull and glue themselves to the screen; it was definitely an Eddie problem.

He had to keep it professional; Eddie was a shift manager, and while he wasn’t technically your boss, that was a gray area delicate enough that he didn’t plan on rushing into anything risky. The last thing he should be doing was ogling you on the security camera like a fucking creep. So, he made a point to pay attention to literally anything else whenever you started dancing around the store like some sort of coked-up cheerleader.

After a few shifts with Eddie, you started to notice that he was pointedly ignoring your antics- which made forcing him to pay attention all the more entertaining. The job could be boring on slow days, so this was how you entertained yourself- annoying the shit out of Eddie Munson.

Eddie: “If I hear one more show tune, I’m commandeering the aux cord.”

You: Proceeds to belt all three parts of Sincerely Me from Dear Evan Hansen, complete with choreography.

Eddie: “Is there any metal on this playlist? Just one song? I need a breather…”

You: Introduces Eddie to Babymetal.

One day, you even forced Eddie to suffer through Lizzo. That was funny as all hell, if you’d ever seen it. 

“I feel like I’m walking through a Forever 21.” He’d grumbled as you cheekily shimmied your shoulders at him and mimed a toss of your hair for good measure. 

“First of all,” you laughed, “I’m impressed you know what Forever 21 is.”

“I have been to a mall, you know.”

“Second,” you continued, “You’re starting to come off as a bit of a music elitist.”

Eddie shook his head, shelving new records from the stack of crates on the floor. “It isn’t a crime to know what I like and don’t like, kid.”

You smirked, reaching wordlessly over to the media center behind the counter and turning up the music. It was empty in the store save for you and Eddie, so the change in volume wouldn’t hurt anyone. Lizzo’s Like a Girl rang out through the speakers, and you made a show of losing yourself to the beat just to spite the metalhead before you. 

Eddie sighed, looking up to the ceiling as if God himself could save him from this torment; he couldn’t stop the whisper of a smile from creeping into the corners of his lips. “What did I do to deserve this shit?” he groaned.

Your grin was blazing, infectious in the way you wore it with reckless abandon as you danced from shelf to shelf with one of the crates of records. When the crate was empty, each album carefully nestled in its appropriate place, you set the crate down on the floor right as the chorus started and your hips shook in time with the drop of the beat. 

Eddie had been looking out the corner of his eye the whole time, but averted his gaze immediately once you were shaking your ass in the air. Unbeknownst to you, he was doing everything in his power not to stare.

Bouncing as you perked back up, you flashed him a sadistic grin and shrugged. “You just make it so much fun to torture you, sorry.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, “That was the emptiest apology I’ve ever heard.” To which you laughed and heartily agreed, launching your whole self into shaking all you had to the beat, even going so far as to plant your foot on the edge of the counter. 

You looked more silly than sexy, even Eddie could admit that, but it was your reckless abandon and giant fucking smile that made him break in that moment. You were shaking your ass- was that twerking? Eddie didn’t think it was twerking, but then again, he wasn’t an expert- and singing along to the music with so much energy that Eddie’s smile finally won his face over. He nodded his head to the beat, even shimmied his shoulders a little, and watched you make an adorable fool of yourself. 

That was when the door opened, sending a chime through the shop as a very confused Steve and Robin walked through the door just in time to see you shaking your ass in their direction. 

As far as you knew, these two were customers, so you swiftly tore your foot from the counter and started to apologize before Steve cut you off with a lopsided grin and a midair brush of his hand. 

“Please don’t apologize, because that might be the best first impression you could’ve made on me.” He confidently strode forward, already extending a hand which you happily accepted. Steve had a way of putting people at ease, Eddie had noticed, even if they had been the opposite of “at ease” before he’d entered the scene. 

He watched straight-faced as Steve struck up a conversation with you about being friends with Eddie and stopping by to say hello, then proceeded to introduce himself and ask you about yourself with the confidence and coolness that came so easily to people like Steve Harrington. Eddie chewed his lip and felt an unwelcome flare of jealousy in his stomach when you gave Steve the same smile that- up until now- you’d been giving him. 

 “So that’s the new hire you told us about?” Robin asked, voice low enough that only Eddie could hear.

He nodded, eyes trained on Steve as he said some joke that made you laugh. “Yeeeeeuup.” Eddie drew out the word, lacing passive aggression into every extra syllable. 

“I see.” Robin looked at Eddie, arching an eyebrow as she wordlessly assessed him, then slowly looked at you and smiled knowingly. “Well, if you’re gonna make a move, better beat Steve to it.”

Eddie sighed and shook his head, murmuring out the corner of his mouth “Stay. Out of it.”  before picking up his crate of records and moving to a different shelf. You were out of sight, but your and Steve’s voices still carried to where he worked. 

“...a little bit of everything.” Eddie heard you say, picking up on your conversation as he silently shelved new inventory. “What kind of music do you listen to?”

“Nothing in particular, I just jam to whatever’s on the radio.” Already inwardly cringing at how Steve must be shrugging or tossing his hair or some shit, Eddie eavesdropped inconspicuously. “Compared to a seasoned listener like yourself, I must sound like an idiot. You should make a playlist for me, so I can know what an expert would recommend.” 

“Expert?” you snorted, “Oh I’m hardly an expert. Half of what I listen to is garbage, but it’s fun garbage so I’m not ashamed. Eddie’s the expert.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure if you knew he was nearby enough to hear you, but he wasn’t about to miss out on whatever you were about to say about him, so he remained silent and out of sight. 

Harrington scoffed. “Expert on metal, sure, but unless you’re into headbanging and screaming, I think he’d be pretty lost-”

“Not true.” you interjected. “He likes some classic rock, a bit of old school jazz- you know I played a song by Bob Dylan one day, and he started rattling off all these facts about the guy?” 

Eddie remembered that day. He’d almost told you that he knew all those facts because his mom had loved Bob Dylan, but he thought talking about his dead mom might be a little more personal than you were prepared to get with him so early into knowing him. 

“When Eddie hears music he thinks is good, it doesn’t matter what genre it is- he respects it whether it’s his taste or not.” Eddie had long since stopped shelving; he stood stock still, listening with wide eyes as you spoke with more admiration in your voice than Eddie had ever expected to belong to him. “I play a crazy wide range of music when I work with him, and every time a song I really love comes on it’s hard for me to not focus on how he’s reacting to it. It’s like every time, I’m in my head like- will he like this one?”

Steve was quiet for a moment before Eddie heard him reply, “Sounds like you’re hoping you’ll impress him.” 

Eddie felt his heart start beating a little faster. Were you?

You giggled a little, and for a moment Eddie’s heart fell when he thought you were laughing at the very insinuation that you might want to impress him.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” he heard  you say. “I haven’t known Eddie long, but I’ve always thought he’s an impressive person. It’s hard not to want to impress him back.”

Eddie couldn’t suppress his smile even if he’d wanted to. Sneaking around the shelves where you couldn’t see him, he turned a corner to continue his work as he hummed to himself.

After you’d locked the doors at 8, the two of you were closing down the shop alone as your playlist quietly painted the quiet evening air. You were walking through the store doing your final check while Eddie took inventory, and Eddie had been silently nodding his head to the beat of the music as you came into view of the checkout counter.

“What song is this?”

Your eyes widened, and the eagerness in your gaze made Eddie’s heart just about burst. 

“Uh, it’s Chicken by Your Neighbors.” you stuttered, “You like it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, softly, “it’s good.”

There was that blinding grin again, contagious in how it fed his until it doubled in size. “Yeah, it is.” 

A pause settled between the two of you, song lyrics potent in the evening’s silence. 

You ain’t got no time to wait

You don’t get what you don’t ask for

“Hey, uhh…” Eddie was quick to grab your attention, and you watched him wide-eyed and expectant. “...feel like getting pizza after this? Surfer Boy doesn’t close ‘til midnight, and I was gonna stop by to see my buddy Argyle after closing anyway, so-”

“Yes!” you agreed, a little more eagerly than you had originally intended to come across. You cleared your throat, “I mean, if it’s no trouble-”

“No trouble at all, it's just down the street, I’ll walk with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You were both grinning like idiots, but neither of you seemed to care. You continued your closing duties, both of you nodding your heads to the beat of the music and enjoying the feelings that, though unspoken and undefined, were currently nestling comfortably into your chest and his. 

Taglist: (really just people I have been talking about this to, I hope you like it❤️) @the-unforgivenn, @vintagehellfire, @munson-blurbs, @hellfire--cult, @word-wytch

[sgt-morgan]

The Test 🍼

Summary: Part 3 of the Robbin Trilogy uh oh… cardinal rule of premarital sex is wrap it before you tap it, but Robin and Matt seemed to have fucked that up.

Warnings: alludes to the adult tango, Robin cusses like a sailor, Childbirth, Labor, babies. AFAB and female identifying reader. Mentions of Jen Walter’s. No angst.

A/N: based on my bestie’s labor journey, yes we really did do some of these things, and yes, labor lasts forever.

Pt.1 Guessing Game

Pt.2 Robbin Bites Back

DD Masterlist

You couldn’t fucking believe it. You’d been with Matt for a good solid seven months. Seven months of joyful bliss with your devil man, your law work, and all your new friends (normal and vigilante). You had attended a wedding, (Marci made a lovely, if not very over the top bride. She was also surprisingly a great law partner.) you’d met your friends families (Moonknight has a very lovely kind of fiancé and a beautiful baby girl.), and you had even won a case or two. You’d really settled into your life in Hell’s Kitchen with Matt and things were really looking up. Until the vomiting started.

“Jesus Christ,” you groaned as Matt muttered something about blasphemy where he lay in your bed. You came back from the bathroom for what felt like the twelfth time this morning after puking your guts out. “If I puke one more time, I’m going to put myself out of my misery a la Dramamine OD.” Matt chuckled and opened the covers— and his arms — to receive your exhausted, wrung out, body.

“Baby, Stay home today.” Matt grumbles, placing a soft kiss to your neck, nuzzling in further.

“No way Devil boy, I got that deposition to look over for Jen Walters, and I need to find an expert witness for Kar-“ Matt covers your mouth lightly with his hand.

“You can’t do any of that while puking your guts out, and I can tell you’re about to do it again. Go see a doctor, then we can figure out work.” He released you just as you feel your stomach flop uneasily once more.

“Damn you and your uncanny ability to hear my stomach churning.” You grumbled getting up to go puke your guts out just as Matt suspected. “Fine, I’ll go see Claire, but you have to look over that thing for Jen. I’m being serious Murdock, and don’t make the excuse that I didn’t copy it over to Braille because I’m gonna text Karen about it!” You shouted in between bouts of vomit, listening as Matt got ready for work.

“I love how chill you are about working with my ex… Girlfriend?” You laughed through your vomit at the question in his tone.

“Oh Fuck you Matty, of course I’m chill. Batman can sleep with Catwoman and leave, but there will always be a Robin.” You puked again and rethought that metaphor. “Okay that Metaphor doesn’t really work because Batman and Robin aren’t fucking, but the idea stands.” Matt chuckles and comes into the Bathroom, now fully dressed for work. He kisses your forehead with a smile and hands you a cup of mouth wash. Once he chaperones you back to bed, he leaves. You settle into your nice, soft, silky sheets, about to let little sheep whisk you off to dream land when you realize something that was about to be very important in your relationships state of affairs. Your period is two weeks late.

“Fuck me ROUGHLY with a chainsaw, you gotta be KIDDING!” You whisper yell staring at the test with two little blue lines that is threatening to rock your world.

“Well, congrats I guess. I’ll set you up an appointment with the OBGYN.” Claire pats your shoulder and leaves the apartment, gently closing the door behind her. She leaves you with more questions than answers, but she can feel that you need the space to metabolize the very big pill you’re swallowing. That pill? You’re gonna be a mom. You’re gonna be a mom SOON. Not two weeks soon, but the ship has sailed, the die is cast, the nine month timer is ticking, and your good catholic boyfriend has yet to put a ring on your finger, and this baby is about to be born by way of Westeros (if you couldn’t tell by that I meant a bastard. It’s funny, laugh.). You hadn’t read the Batman comic for this, but you’re feeling like the joker had a good philosophical point when he decided that laughing at the void was his only option. So you visited Maggie.

You and your boyfriends mother, who was also shockingly a nun, got along like a house on fire. When at first your faithful boyfriend told you his mother was a nun you were very nervous, and super confused as to how that shit was supposed to fucking work. Then you met the woman, and my god did everything you knew about Matt Murdock make total sense. They were so similar. The way they wrinkled their nose when they smiled at you sarcastically. The way they always oriented in the direction of whoever was speaking as if projecting with their bodies that in this moment, your words were important because they came from you. The way they would silently say a prayer at random moments when they saw- or in Matt’s case heard or sensed- something they were thankful for; a cup of fresh coffee, kids resolving a fight without intervention, your laughter, the rain stopping right as they left a building. It was nice to see some of the clay that molded the man that you loved so dearly, to know where he was fired and glazed, and to be able to tangibly appreciate his very existence as if a work in a series of fine art. You loved it, you wondered if your children would be molded of this same clay, what they would pick up of your own.

“Hello, Robbin!” Maggie greeted cheerfully as she supervised playtime for all the kids running around the playground of the school. She loves her son’s girlfriend and her silly Batman nickname. She’s like a breath of fresh air, makes him take everything just a little less seriously. She’s exactly what he needed.

“Hey sister Mags! Uh so can I ask for some advice?” You plop next to Maggie on the bench and fiddle with your fingers nervously, which for Maggie, is an automatic red flag. In the time that she’s known her Son’s girlfriend, she had never been one to fidget nervously. She was always a commanding force of chaotic will. She thinks it’s what Matt likes best about her, so seeing this normally very confident woman fidget… she knew it was time to keep an open mind and an open ear.

“Of course, what’s my son done now?” Maggie chuckles, grabbing your hand and forcing you to stop picking at your fingertips gently.

“He’s knocked me up is what he’s done.” You mutter under your breath and Maggie freezes. “Now he’s stuck with me forever, and he’s gonna be mad, and he’s gonna freak out, and I’m gonna have to be a single lawyer mother that takes her baby to court.” You flop your head in your hands and start sniffling back tears and Maggie is almost too stunned to speak… almost.

“Well,” she starts cautiously, “ being stuck with you forever is Matt’s goal so I wouldn’t worry about that.” Your head snaps up, and Maggie smiles at you reassuringly, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Yeah, you heard that correct, forever was his goal so deep breaths there.” You chuckle and swipe a tear away. “Now, the baby, he’s gonna be thrilled… eventually. He’ll probably try something stupid, but he will come around. If he doesn’t? Well, there are four or five heroes, vigilantes, several lawyers, and one nun of course, that would kick his ass if he said he would leave you. That’s not gonna be a problem though. He’s gonna be thrilled. Don’t worry about it dear, you’re gonna be great parents.” You hug Maggie on a sob and let her hold you for a couple minutes. It’s nice, having a motherly figure who cares about you again.

“God, I’m really having a baby. I’m such an emotional little goddamn bitch now- Oop sorry sister.” You gasp. Maggie laughs and shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about it Robin, it’s fine. Better get back to the bat cave though, I bet you left the test sitting out on the counter.” As always Maggie was right.

Meanwhile back at the apartment…

“FOGGY!” Foggy was not accustomed to Matt shouting, not at that pitch at least. Foggy had heard him shouting in distress, in pain, in anger, but not this near giddy shout that he was giving off now. It shocked him so much he actually dropped the coffee he was pouring for Karen in the sink. Karen flinched as well, not being used to this suddenly excited and yet frantic shout. “Foggy! Come quick!” He heard Matt scrambling out of the bathroom and hitting the door frame in his haste. He met him halfway across the room with Karen not far behind. They needed to hear what this was about right away.

“What Matt! What!” Suddenly a stick was thrust in his hands and he looked a it befuddled. “What is this?”

“A pregnancy test! What does it say!” Matt frantically shouted smacking his friend excitedly on the shoulder over and over. Karen gasped? and foggy flinched flinging the test.

“Ew your girlfriend peed on this!” What Foggy didn’t realize, was in his childish disgust he flung the test right out the open window above the dumpsters.

“FOGGY YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Karen shouted lunging at the test futilely as it flew out the window.

“SHIT!” Foggy yelled following her

“GODDAMNIT!” Matt cussed and the group all gasped again and Matt even smacked a hand over his gaping mouth in horror. Foggy stared open mouthed at the open window, and then at Matt. Karen nearly falls from the force of the gasp that just came out of her mouth. They stand in silence, all staring at each other for a good couple of seconds and then the room dissolved into madness.

“MATT WAS THAT BLASP-“

“IM SO SORRY! I HEARD PREGNANCY TEST AND I FRE-“

“HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE THE LORD IS WITH THEE-“

The three of them stood in a circle gaping and shouting and gesturing in horror, before they all froze at the hysterical laughter from the woman they hadn’t realized during their slapstick venture had come through the door. There you stood as they all continued to stare slack jawed at you. You were laughing so hard you were nearly gagging. The force of your laughter caused you to collapse in a chair and you were clutching at your side, your face was cherry red and you had tears streaming down your face. “Foggy just- and Karen’s face- and Matt said-“ the next several sentences were stilted by laughter and cut off at the joint, but the partners of Nelson, Murdock, and Page understood that you had seen everything. “Oh god, oh god, I can’t breathe, I’m actually having an asthma attack.” You were coughing through your laughter, and the friends were now genuinely concerned. Matt got your inhaler from your bedside, vaulting the couch and flipping over the chair. Once you had calmed down, and used your rescue inhaler, the group stared at you with cartoonish eagerness- except Matt who was staring vaguely at your fridge and had his hands out at both sides as if he was finishing a vigorous Jazz routine- waiting for you to tell them the results of your test.

“So?” Foggy asked gesturing at you wildly.

“So what?” You gulped, now having your breathing under control.

“STOP BEING COY, ARE YOU PREGNANT WOMAN!?” Karen burst forth then slapped her hands over her mouth. “Sorry.”

“Oh, yeah.” You nodded casually, sipping from someone’s abandoned glass of water.

“WHAT!?” Three identical shouts came from them all at once and you nodded, still very casual, legs crossed waiting for them to figure out their next move.

“WELP! WE GOTTA GO!-“

“OH LOOK AT THE TIME! MARCI SHOULD BE-“ Foggy and Karen hastened excuses and lunged for the exit, grabbing coats and brief cases before slamming the door in a hurry. You could hear them talking in hushed panic whispers all the way down the hall. Matt however, was still frozen in shock. The house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was almost physically painful to have your home, normally filled with so much laughter, become so tensely silent.

“So, I was thinking we move to my place? I got an extra bedroom. But honestly, I love your apartment, I practically live here. Maybe we look for a new place altogether!” Matt slowly creeped closer to you while you rambled. His head cocked hands spread and visibly trembling as he walks towards you like you were wounded and frightened animal about to bite. “Then we could always-“ Matt reached you and dropped to his knees, putting his head directly over your stomach and clutching his fists into the fabric of your sweater. You whimpered, stock still, not even daring to put your hands on his body. You sat in total silence for a couple seconds, until Matt started shaking. You felt his hands grip you tighter and his face nuzzle into your stomach. His tears were starting to seep through your clothes.

“I’m gonna be a dad! I can hear her! We’re gonna have a baby!” He whispered, and you beamed, starting to get teary eyes yourself. The previous tension wooshed out of the room, you relaxed.

“Her, huh?” Your watery chuckle making him hold you tighter.

“Yeah! Her!” He laughs joyfully, “A little girl, who is exactly like you. It’s gotta be. They say that girls are a reflection of their father’s sins, and I can’t wait for her to be just as difficult, and stubborn, and kind, and beautiful, and as crazy as you. You’re my favorite thing, of course I want more of you.” He grins, still crying. Vacant eyes roaming over where he senses your face to be, he puts a hand on your cheek.

“Well Murdock, you’re stuck with me.” You give a watery chuckle, and he beams.

“Good, my plan is working.” He placed a kiss on your head and you laugh.

“Oh?” You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck, snuffling away the rest of your tears and rubbing your noses together.

“Yeah, of course, I’ve got a ring in my trunk right now. I was gonna give it to you in two weeks, but why wait when you’re already giving me everything.” You gasp, and Matt stands, going to his trunk and pulling out a little black box. He opens it to reveal a dainty silver band that looked like flowers. The ring was beautiful, and you’re sure he picked it by touch alone so he could fell all of the intricate details. “So, what do you say?”

“Oh my God Matthew, of course!” You giggled, and another wave of tears hit as you kisses him with all the passion you were capable of. You were enjoying your moment of bliss, until you were interrupted by a tell-tale thump against your front door.

“Oh yeah, Karen and Foggy were eavesdropping.” He grinned and you both chuckled. “You can come back in now!” Matt called, and your door burst open revealing a very excited Karen and Foggy were waiting.

“Oh my god, this is the best day of my life.” Foggy was misty eyed, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh my god man, are you crying?” You laugh a bit as everyone begins to trade hugs and congratulations.

“Yeah! My best friends are getting married and having a baby! Why wouldn’t I cry?” He tried to snuffle back his tears and you hugged him fondly.

“Oh Foggward, you’re gonna be such a good Godfather.” You sigh, and the news of him being the godfather made him promptly burst into tears.

Matt was a saint. He attended your every need. You never had to worry about your craving foods being easily accessible, the fridge at your house and at the office was fully stocked. House hunting? Handled. There was a cute brownstone near the office and the parish that he snapped up right away. It had plenty of room for more kiddos, and it had a window in the attic so he could sneak out on his Devil adventures without a hitch. Body issues? Not with Matt you don’t. The bigger you got, the more feral he seemed to get. He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off you, you were like a precious jewel, and he wouldn’t let you forget. (And if you had to guess, it was most likely some sort of breeding kink, but who were you to judge.) As the months rolled on, you got bigger, your mood swings got more intense, and the sass you were slinging the entire time was unmatched, but he handled it like a champ.

“Matthew Michael Murdock? Tell your little parasite to calm down with the morning sickness, or I swear to god I’ll puke in your shoes.”

“Mathew? Our Xenomorph is dancing on my bladder. I’m gonna need you to start doing some of the parenting here, tell her it’s my bladder not Prom.”

“Listen buddy, I know you Murdock’s got the Devil in you or whatever, but if this child keeps moving while I try to sleep? I’m gonna call an exorcist.”

Even with all of that, Matt always shrugged it off with a smile, and whatever solution he could. The baby was already a daddy’s girl, and when Matt found out you really were having a little girl? He became even more obsessed. He constantly talked to your bump, touching your stomach anytime he was near you and relishing in the way your two steady heart beats thudded strongly against his hand. His voice was like some kind of magic spell, whenever he talked to you or your bump, whatever ailment your daughter was causing suddenly subsided. When the baby started kicking? He was glued to your hip. The first time she did it, you were laying on the couch, reading over some court case. Matt was pacing the room, practicing his opening statement for the next day, until your shocked gasp cut him off.

“Baby?” Matt called out, startled and suddenly terrified.

“Matty! Come quick!” You waved him over even though he couldn’t see, and he rushed to you, afraid something was seriously wrong. Then you grabbed his hand and placed it on your stomach and-

“Oh! Oh wait!” Matt was suddenly an eager child, giddy and vibrating under his skin like he was just given the gift he was excited for for Christmas.

“It feels so weird, but there she is!” You giggled, I’ve felt her a couple times, but it’s never been strong enough for you to feel it, or I don’t know? Super senses and all maybe you could? Doesn’t matter. That’s out baby Matt!” You grinned with tears brining in your eyes, and Matt beamed, pressing a kiss to your belly, and then your lips lovingly. Yeah, he was gonna be a great dad.

You weren’t prepared to become the most protected woman in the city, but when the other vigilantes of New York caught wind of your pregnancy, you constantly were being tailed by one superhero or another. You asked Moonknight’s baby mama? Fiancé? You weren’t sure, but they were a thing. Anyway, you asked her if this was normal, but of course, she was also a vigilante, so naturally she didn’t need as much supervision in the eyes of her peers. No matter where you went, at whatever time, there was always one hero handy to make sure nothing was too strenuous for you. Frank Castle ‘running into you’ at a grocery store and helping you carry home your groceries (you had made up since the taser incident, and had since become great friends)? Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man dropping down to walk you home from work (you now lovingly referred to Peter as your eldest child, Matt resented this a bit, but you found it hilarious)? None of these were off limits, and they had all happened on multiple occasions. Hell, even Deadpool had made an appearance a time or two, bringing you snacks or a good joke. You always had an escort, you always had a kind ear, and you always had someone to carry heavy things. While that was great and all, if you didn’t get some alone time? Real, actual, alone time? You were gonna wipe the city of its hero population.

“Mathew!” You shouted when you got home, and Matt winced. He could feel you slowly getting annoyed for days now, and he knew what it was about. He hadn’t asked all of your friends to look out for you like this, they all just sort of… did it, and while it for sure made him feel better, that didn’t mean he couldn’t see how annoying it could be.

“Yes love of my life, mother of my child, Angel on earth?” He beamed and he could tell you rolled your eyes.

“Cut the shit Devil Boy, if I don’t get some alone time here soon? I’m gonna crack.” You sighed, flopping into your couch with a sigh.

“Ok.” Matt shrugged, standing and grabbing his coat from the rack and toeing on his shoes.

“What?” He could sense your adorable pout and shrug, and he shook his head with a laugh. “That’s it? You’re just gonna… go?”

“Yeah, I’ll go to the office, finish up my case work, and head back home with dinner in a couple hours. That ok?” You gave a tiny delighted gasp, and Matt could smell the salt of your tears. Had he misjudged?

“You’re so good to me.” You blubbered a bit, and Matt chuckled. Ah, Hormones. “Thank you, I love you so much, and I love our friends so much, but I really wanna be alone for a minute. I don’t know, it’s all so overwhelming, and I love you so so much, don’t get me wrong, it’s just-“

“Baby, you don’t have to explain. You’re not even alone in your own body right now. Of course you’re overwhelmed, of course you’re feeling overcrowded. You don’t have to explain to me. I know you love me, I know you love having me around, but if you need a moment to yourself. That’s fine.” He sighed, rubbing your back gently.

“You’re my favorite person.” You mumbled, kissing his cheek affectionately. “I Love you more than anything.” You place one on the opposite cheek, “You’re the other half of my soul.” You kiss him on the mouth, “Now leave me alone.” You mumbled still pressing up against his lips, and Matt laughs, grabbing his cane and heading out for an hour or two.

When he returns, there is gentle music coming from the baby’s room. You had been working on the room a lot lately, from what he’s heard from Frank, it’s called nesting, and it was your minds way of preparing your brain for another human to enter your space. He loved listening to you work in there. You always were mumbling to yourself while you painted, or folded tiny clothes, or cleaned. The furniture had all been put together, a baby gift from Frank, Wade, and Peter, who broke into your house one afternoon, built it all, and left a Polaroid of them putting it all together on your fridge. It was a sweet (if not slightly creepy,) gesture that you were both very grateful for. In fact, the whole room had been littered with little gifts and sweet gestures from your friends. Toys, photos, diapers, clothes, they all have a little something, and it made you both smile thinking about how loved your baby already was before they were even born. Matt began to search for you, and when he found you, you were sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, fast asleep, and clutching to a stuffed elephant. He smiled, you were so adorable, he woke you, made sure you ate, and then tucked you into bed. You were gonna be a great mom, he just knew it.

Months dragged on, your baby grew bigger, and as was always the case with you and your wonderful Devil man, nothing, not even the birth of your child, could go as planned.

You were at home when your water broke, blearily trying to make yourself some tea to calm your spasming muscles that you believed to be Brackston Hicks. Instead, you were now standing in wet socks, tired, scared, and in pain. So, naturally, the first thing you did was call Matt, but your heart sank to your stomach when you heard his phone announcing the caller ID from the bedroom. Well, Shit. He was still out patrolling, he never has his normal phone when he’s patrolling. So, you called his emergency cell, and to your horror, a random woman picked up and told you she found it abandoned on the sidewalk. Double shit. Your next call is Claire. Claire is easily the most collected person you know, and should be able to help you with all the baby stuff too.

“Hello?” She answered blearily, and you could hear the busy rush of the hospital in the background, must be a busy night.

“Claire!” You sigh, relieved, and Claire’s voice takes on a greater modicum of interest.

“Robin? Is DD ok?” She asked with urgency, and that’s when the water works start.

“I don’t know! My water broke and he lost both his phones!” You cried again, and you could almost hear the frustration pouring out of her ears like steam.

“Ok! Stay calm Robin, I’m gonna call Luke and Frank. They’ll get started on finding Matt. You call Foggy and Karen to come get you, and I’ll meet you at Metro General.

You nodded and sighed as your muscles gave you a slight reprieve. “Ok, ffffffuck, shit. Ok. Yeah, I can manage that.”

“Ok, good. See you soon.” She hung up, and suddenly, you were scared all over again. So before you could break down once more, you called Karen.

“Robin? Is everything ok? Is Matt ok?” The water works started again and you felt like an idiot.

“I-“ you hiccuped and groaned as another contraction started. “I don’t know! He lost his phone! I’m in Labor! I’m terrified!” You cried.

“Oh shit, Tell Robin I’m going out now. I’ll find Red and bring him home. The spider kid will get to her before you will. I’ll shoot him a text ok Kar? Tell Robbi-“ you’re shocked to Hear Frank Castle’s voice followed by the sound of a kiss, but you’re too distracted by the pain to do much about that hot goss anyway.

“Frank, we’re on speaker.” You hear your friend huff.

“Ah, well. Robin, I’ll go get Red ok? We’ll get this fi-“ an explosion then proceeds to rock the city.

“SHIT!” Frank curses, you cry harder and Karen gasps. “Ok, well, found him. I’ll- I’ll call the Moonknight guy and Luke.” Then you hear the sound of Frank’s boots pounding on Karen’s hardwood.

“Ok Robin, I’m on my way. Don’t freak out. Matt may not have even been there yet, but the good news is regardless of what happened we know exactly where he’s gonna be, and Frank, Deadpool, Luke, and Moonknight will find him. I’ll call Foggy and we will come get you ok? Open the door for Peter when he gets there. You got this.” Then silence filled the line again.

You then proceeded to pace around your house. You took a shower, you packed a bag, you grabbed baby’s first outfit. You were doing ok. Around when you were trying to pack Matt’s clothing, Peter got there and you almost collapsed with relief as you heard him pound up the stairs.

“Robin!” Peter heaved as you opened the door. He looked like he sprinted here. It had literally been thirty minutes. “Oh, hey!” He saw you start to cry again.

“My god labor made me a little bitch.” You whimper, letting the superpowered teen comfort you, then you sniffled, and amended your thought. “Actually? Fuck that. I’m in labor, and my husband is probably flipping around an explosion, I’m not crying ENOUGH!” Peter continued shushing your tears and rocking you back and forth slowly, stunned.

“It’s ok Robin, I got you. Foggy and Karen will be here any minute. Let’s get you down stairs ok?” He went into your room , grabbed your hospital bag, then helped you waddle slowly down the stairs. You had to sit on the landing when another contraction hit, but you finally made it out the door just as Foggy and Karen pulled up.

“Hey! Robin! It’s all good!” Karen and Marci rushed to your side, Foggy sat in the car, anxiously flexing his hands on the wheel. “Ok Pete! We got her, you can go help look for Matt now.” You heard Karen whisper as Marci ushered you to the car.

“Ok, Foggy, let’s go.” Marci said, slipping into the front seat while Karen volunteered to sit in the back with you.

“God!” You whined as another contraction hit.

“I’m so pissed!” You yelled. “I told him I’d be fine, to go out, it was just Braxton Hicks, I couldn’t POSSIBLY be going into Labor! It’s too goddamn early!” You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut, squeezing Karen’s hand so hard, she thought you’d break her whole arm. “Then, he looks at me, he looks and says ‘No Robbin! It’s fine! Better safe than sorry!’ Then I, like an absolute fucking moron, told him to go! It couldn’t possibly be that bad! If it is labor, I’ll just call! Then he looses his fucking phone! This blind, back flipping, latex wearing, moron, has never once lost his goddamn phone! THEN on the ONE and ONLY NIGHT I NEED TO CALL, HE FUCKING LOOSES IT!” You let out a shout, and Foggy can’t help but giggle, and Marci and Karen look halfway there themselves. “Oh yeah! Laugh! Laugh at my misery! It’s fucking hilarious! I can’t find my blind vigilante husband, I’m in premature labor, and some fucking moron just bombed New York! Real hysterical!” They sober up pretty quickly after that.

When you arrived at Metro General, Claire was waiting with a wheelchair and your OBGYN. “Oh thank fuck.” You mutter, flopping into the chair, “please, proceed to the room and pump me full of drugs doc, I’m miserable here.” Your OB laughs, and pats your shoulder.

“You got it mama. Where’s dad?” She asks kindly, and you start to tear up again.

“We-“ you gasp a sob, “We don’t know!” Claire and the OB give each other an ‘oh shit’ look and nod.

“That’s ok! I’m sure he’s fine, things are hectic, but I’m sure he’s just caught up in traffic, lots of crazy stuff going on tonight.” Your doctor and Claire proceed to roll you into the elevator, and Karen follows close behind. “I’m assuming Ms. Page is coming in with you?” You mid, and Karen bids foggy goodbye, telling him to call Maggie and Frank to see if anybody has any idea about what was going on.

Labor takes forever. In the movies, it’s like a twenty minute gig. It’s all rush rush rush and then boom. Baby. But it’s just not like that in real life. Instead, you get to the hospital, your OB and a bunch of nurses hook you up to monitors, then they leave you the fuck alone. Sure, they come and check on you or whatever, but unless you’re dying, it takes a while, and other people got other shit going on in this hospital too. You end up sort of being glad you told Matt to go help. You’re just in labor, right now it’s all contractions, and napping, and ice cubes.

Claire and Karen are with you the most, and Marci keeps a running update on what’s going on with the bomb, and with Matt and the vigilante crew. Eventually they do anything and everything they can to distract you from your husbands absence. Foggy stops in every once in a while, and they all sneak videos of you too. There’s one where you’re on your laptop and Marci is on hers, you’re comparing notes for a custody battle you’re working on, and it’s the coolest shit Foggy has ever seen. You’re both sitting cross legged on your hospital bed, laptops sitting on your hospital bed tray. Marci is in yoga pants and Grippy socks she stole off a nurse, glasses perched on the end of her nose. You’re in a hospital gown, two blankets and a little Devil squishmallow (I’m talking about Dante btw.) sit in your lap.

“So, in cross-“ you take a deep breath and hold it, hissing out slowly through your mouth. Marci reached both hands across your screens and you hold on to her arms and groan a bit, then it passes. “Whoo, that sucked! In cross, you need to emphasize mom’s addiction problems, and her lack of treatment. Make them realize that while she may have money, and she may be the mother, her life style and unwillingness to get treatment for her alcoholism or take a simple drug test, makes her an unfit guardian.” This video becomes Foggy’s favorite talking point. He loves showing it to your clients to demonstrate just how committed you are to your practice.

You keep working as long as you can, when that gets too much, you end up playing a card game with all of them, and Karen takes an amazing selfie of you with an oxygen mask and a handful of ‘Cards Against Humanity’ cards. There’s also an amazing video of Foggy judging a particularly good hand. “For my next trick I will pull a blank out of my blank.” Foggy reads, and you instantly start cackling and slap down two cards. There’s a moment of deliberation, and then Foggy reads them out. “For my next trick, I will pull- hah!- Meatloaf the food, out of Meatloaf the man!” You all laugh and foggy picks up the next set. “For my next trick! I will be pulling an erection that lasts longer than four hours out of your mother!” You all laugh again, but when Foggy picks up the next set of Cards, he laughs so hard, he makes Marci read them.

“Oh my God!” Marci cackles, then reads the cards. “For my next trick, I will be pulling a Fetus out of My Vagina!” Everyone dissolves into uproarious laughter.

“No fucking way it says that!” Karen laughs and shows the cards to the camera.

“Well that wins.” Foggy groans, and you cheer.

“Haha! Even when in immense pain I still fucking win!” You say taking the black card and kissing it triumphantly.

It takes about two hours for Matt to arrive, and you’re only at four centimeters. You’re loudly complaining about it to Karen during a contraction when he does finally get there. “God Kar!” You snarl as another contraction hits you, thankfully, the pain has been dulled a lot by your epidural, but you’re still in pain. Your leaning on her standing up, Arms around her shoulders, head bowed as you try and rock back and fourth to settle the terrible cramped feeling in your vagina. “I swear to baby Jesus and the grown one too, if Mathew Michael Murdock misses the birth of our first child, he’s gonna be meeting the Lord a lot sooner than expected.” Pretty soon you hear a scuffle with nurses, and a bunch of people worrying about safety some man who looks injured. That’s when Matt rushes in, scratches all over his face, bruised ribs, and a cut over his eyebrow that screams ‘I was just in a burning building!’

“Baby!” He sighs in relief, throwing his cane to the chair in the corner and running to relieve Karen of your weight. “Oh baby! I’m so sorry it took so long! You were so brave!” You nearly collapse into a puddle of tears when Matt finally uses one hand to tangle in your hair and press you to his chest, while the other runs up and down the length of your spine. “We got everyone out, and everyone who can wait in the waiting room is waiting on your okay.”

“Oh thank god!” You cry in relief, pressing a kiss to Matt’s chest.

“No problem honey, you’re gonna have another contraction.” He sighs, clutching you tighter and sitting on the edge of the bed. You lean into him and he kisses over every available piece of skin he can get to.

Matt details for you how he heard a suspicious group talking about some kind of Blaze of Glory and followed them to the building that was eventually blown up. Supposedly, some sort of rival gang had learned of a cover business that their competitors were using, and they had just intended to burn it down, and hadn’t taken into account that there would be barrels of gasoline in the place, causing a mass explosion. Thankfully that building was empty at the time, but the two neighboring apartment buildings weren’t. He got blown back by the explosion, but he was relatively ok. He then details how he and the rest of your group of super friends pulled people out of the two burning buildings, and described for the police that this was not in fact an intentional binning of a city block, but an idiotic arson attempt. He also described in vivid detail how he panicked and sprinted across the city, almost taking out a little old lady and a stray cat in his haste to make it to you.

“Well shit, I never thought I’d be grateful for arsonists, but it not being a domestic terrorist is really comforting.” You mumbled as Matt lay with you between his legs. “I mean, it super sucks that organized crime in this dumb fucking city is so bad, but it could indeed be worse.” He huffed a laugh and discerned Claire’s annoyed eye roll from across the room.

Your labor ultimately lasted for about ten hours, six at home, four in hospital. The whole time it was going you were your snarky, unabashed self. Matt arriving seemed to be what pushed your labor into high gear, and it only took an additional two hours once he arrived for you to give birth. You were a non stop stream of expletives and gauge threats the whole time, and Matt was ever so happy to laugh at your bitching, and dish it right back.

“This sucks, should have known your kid would have a big ass head.” You grumbled at one point, kissing Matt’s hand as he brought you more ice cubes.

“Nah, the head is normal sized, it’s the horns that are giving you so much trouble.” You cackled and crunched the ice he spooned into your mouth. There was a nurse that looked almost terrified momentarily until she realized you were joking, and honestly you couldn’t blame her, New York had seen a lot of shit lately, Rosemary’s baby wouldn’t be too off base.

Matt at some point groans as you lean into his bruised ribs while you ride out another contraction. “Damn Murdock, what are you groaning about, it’s just some bruised ribs, I’m pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. Suck it up!” You lean away hastily, and check his ribs gently when the contraction ends though, and he just laughs.

“Sure honey, I’ll just keep my internal bleeding to a minimum.” He chuckles, kissing your hair, and pushing your hands away, not letting you fuss over him and insisting he was fine. You made Claire check him over anyway, turns out he had also ruptured some stitches. The other nurses were very concerned, but Claire brushed it off saying he was in a car wreck or something.

“Matthew Michael Murdock, your penis is allowed nowhere near my body ever again.” You groaned as you finally got to eight centimeters. Meaning it was time to push.

“Sure babe, we will revisit that sentiment in two months. You’re doing great.” He gently strokes your hair and grasps your hand as he listens to you give birth to your perfect baby girl.

Jacquline Marie Murdock, named in honor Matt’s late Father, was born at 5 am, was five pounds eight ounces, and had a full head of vibrant red hair. The nurse handed her to you and Matt beamed, but he seemed to be hiding something.

“What is it Matty?” You fret, pushing hair from his brow with gentle fingers as the nurse cleaned you up.

“Well, it’s just-“ he sighed and ran a gentle hand over her features, “will you describe her to me?” Your heart shattered. The nurses standing near by ushered the others back a bit so you’d have privacy, and you were so grateful.

“Of course Matt, I’d love to. She’s got your nose, and my chin, but if I had to choose who she looks most like, I’d pick you. No denying she’s all Murdock bub. She’s small, scrappy little thing, just like her mommy. She’s got these perfect lips that now at the top just like mine, and she’s got ten fingers and toes, her eyes are brown, just like yours, but the best part is her hair. It’s your favorite color, it’s bright read and curly, she’s perfect.” You sniffle, and look up at your husband in adoration, drying the tears that were now freely falling from his eyes. (If we’re honest, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.) “Do you want to hold her?”

“Oh!” Matt’s eyes lit up, filled with awestruck wonder. “Can I?” You huffed a watery chuckle and helped him get situated with her in his arms.

“Of course honey, she’s yours. You helped make her.” When you said that, Matt looked as if you had offered him the moon on a string. She was the most perfect thing Matt had ever held, and you were so in love with the way he held his daughter, the look on his face that betrayed his every emotion, and it was filled entirely with love and wonder.

When you were finally resting, and the baby was getting checked over by the doctors,

Matt made his way back to the waiting room. The picture Marci took to show you showed a room filled with a strange assortment of heroes and civilians that honestly frightened the nurses until Claire calmed them down. Karen was snoozing in Franks lap, covered by his long trench coat. He had a hand in her hair, and a hoodie pulled up over his head to hide the giant bruises on his face. Pater was sat on the floor, back pressing into Maggie’s legs as he snoozed against the bemused nun. Foggy had his hands crossed on his chest like an old man, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Luke and Jessica were sitting back to back, as Claire stitched a nasty cut above Jess’s eye. Steven, no longer in the Moonknight suit, had tossed up a peace sign and you could see his lovely wife waiving from his phone screen. Deadpool, wearing a red sweatshirt, jeans, and a surgical mask with his logo on it was laying in Peter’s lap flipping off the camera. Marci was smiling in the foreground of the selfie, and there was an actually traumatized nurse in the background who looked like she either wanted to call the cops, or make a run for it.

When Matt arrived, that hysterical tableaux was broken up immediately by grumbles, cut off snores, and squeals if excitement. “A healthy baby girl!” He beamed and the room erupted in excitement. When it died down, people said they’re goodbyes, and promised to come by tomorrow to meet the baby. Only Maggie, The godparents (Karen and Foggy), and their significant others (Marci and Frank) remained to meet the baby before they too headed home to catch some sleep. Matt lead them all to your hospital room where they were greeted by the sight of you snuggling a perfect baby girl. Your friends cooed over how perfect she was, and you all exchanged hugs and kisses and congratulations.

Karen was first to hold the baby, and Frank grinned as he looked down at the baby over her shoulder.

“Damn Red, you make some adorable ass kids.” He chuckled, smacking Matt on the back as he held your hand.

Next was Foggy, you and every woman in the room eagerly filmed Matt handing over the little girl to his best friend. After she was safely nuzzled in his arms, Matt threw an arm around Foggy and they both grinned. “Man, can you even believe these two Avocados turned out okay?” Foggy chuckled.

“I know man, we made it. We got some other strange things going on, but we made it.” Matt laughed smithing a hand over his daughter’s hair. The picture of him and Foggy was displayed proudly on Foggy’s desk.

Finally, Maggie held the baby, and she and Matt both cried. There were words there that they didn’t dare utter out loud, but when it came to the Murdock family. Other worldly senses could always say a lot more than words could. This moment was big for them, and when he finally whispered the baby’s name to Maggie, it felt like some sort of healing presence filled the room, and you could swear that Matt looked as if his whole world finally clicked into place when his mother told him how proud his dad would have been.

When the room had finally settled, and everyone had left to go get some sleep, you and Matt were left to your own devices. Your baby rested on Matt’s chest as you lay side by side in your hospital bed. He had one hand in her back, and another around your waist, and he focused on both of his girls steady, relaxed heart beats while you stared at her perfect face and stroked her chubby cheeks with gentle fingers. Then you stretched up to kiss Matt’s cheek with a grin, and lips still pressed to his head, you grinned and mumbled;

“Holy Parenthood Batman, we had a baby!”

[sliceofdyke]

11, 12 and 19 if you're taking asks?

YES I AM!! ty anon :)

11. what are some good sapphic songs/music artists? ive been really into chappell roan, boygenius, and muna lately!! and some miscellaneous sapphic songs i like are girls just wanna have sex by mazie, you and me on the rock by brandi carlile, share the moon by indigo girls, sweet woman by cris williamson, and come to my window by melissa etheridge!

12. good sapphic books/poems/authors? i havent read a lot of books lately ngl but i like the poems "asking about you" by eloise klein healy, "ode to the unpaid electricity bill" by olivia gatwood, and "she is the poem" by june bates!

19. describe your fashion sense. do you "dress gayly"? probably yeah but i want to dress gayer! i like button ups and jeans but i need to buy more of the latter, and i also like wearing comfy clothes that i can relax in. i do also enjoy wearing dresses sometimes :)

[general-bear]

D. Do all of the asks (and have a nice big drink of something you enjoy please thank you)

Alright, all of them! I have my little boba tea and I’m ready to go!

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Beautiful Brain - Mabel Ye

Run Boy Run - Woodkid

Sunshine (Go Away Today) - Jonathan Edwards

Heat Lightning - Mitski

Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Do they have to be alive? I guess I’d like to meet Brandi Carlile

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“No one saw him and Buck go off through the orchard on what Buck imagined was only a stroll.” I’ll give you three guesses for what book this is.

4) What do you think about most?

At this point in my life probably law school. This semester was a lot but I’m almost done!

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Only one that I know of! A girl wrote one for everyone on our floor freshman year.

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

It’s not so strange, but I’m terrified of dead things moving. Like zombies. And I’m scared of the ocean.

7) What’s your religion?

I guess Catholic but I have a lot of Opinions on the Church

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking to and from school, or going to a friend’s place. Not very exciting but I’m happy to get outside.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

I mostly like solo artists so I’m going to have to be basic and say that my favorite band is Green Day.

10) What was the last lie you told?

It was the lie I told myself last night when I said I was going to wake up at 8:00 AM. That did NOT happen.

11) Do you believe in karma?

Sure, why not. It’s comforting to think that good things happen to people who do good things, and sometimes it does happen that way.

12) What does your URL mean?

When I made this Tumblr account eleven years ago, I couldn’t think of a URL. So I looked around my room and saw a stuffed bear wearing a Royal Guard uniform, and was like alright yeah general bear that works. Sometimes I think I should change it but after eleven years I’ve grown pretty attached.

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is that I’m very emotional; my greatest strength is that I’m very emotional.

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

Oh definitely Henry Cavil, but specifically in Man From U.N.C.L.E.

15) How do you vent your anger?

I cry and scream into pillows and send very long texts to my mom.

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

Yeah! I have a modest collection of cool rocks, mini terracotta warrior statues, and owl-shaped mugs. I also collect gold dollars.

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

For the most part, yes! I like who I am. I think I have a lot of work to do before I’m completely content with who I am, but I’ve grown a lot in my twenty-three years. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve learned from them too.

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I really love the sound of aspen trees in the wind. I often think of it to calm myself down. But I hate the sound of my roommate’s blender. It’s this loud, metallic grating sound and it hurts my ears.

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

Right now it’s “what if we actually had a competent presiding judge in that last mock trial round?” because maybe if he was competent, maybe he would have voted for us on the ballot and we could have moved on to the finals.

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe in ghosts, but I think it’s likely they’re just some funky blips where time and space get a little thin. And aliens definitely exits but they’re too far away from us for it to matter.

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

I touch my Captain America mug with whatever is left of my boba tea; then I touch my ukelele.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Earl Gray and bacon

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Oh man. It’s gotta be Chugwater, Wyoming. It was windy, it was cold, they had about five rundown buildings, and our car almost didn’t start.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

Questions that made me look up, “handsome male singers.” But I guess I’d have to say Zachary Levi? He counts, rights?

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

To experience it, I guess. Make friends, make enemies, listen to music, create art, watch birds, look at cool rocks, throw cool rocks!

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I sold my car last year, but I can still drive if I need to. I have only “crashed” once, but it wasn’t bad. I let my foot slip of the brake as I was approaching a red light and I bumped into the car in front of me. Not a scratch on either car. There was a time that I almost crashed, though. I was driving on an icy highway and spun out. A snow bank stopped me from going into the barrier. I got really lucky that no one hit me.

27) What was the last movie you saw?

I watched Missing Link while packing last week. Solidly okay movie, definitely not Laika’s best.

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Does surgery count? If yes, then definitely the time I had my sternum restructured. But if not, then the time I crashed an e-scooter and cracked my head.

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

I’m really into Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (shut up) and the Owl House. I have a lot of others but those are the biggest right now.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Of course.

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah. I try to forgive and forget, but I usually only get as far as forgive. I don’t tend to forget.

32) What is your astrological sign?

Cancer!

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

A chai from the Starbucks in Penn Station

34) Love or lust?

Unsurprising, the aspec answers love

35) In a relationship?

Yep! Long distance is tough but we’re making it work.

36) How many relationships have you had?

Like 2.5 lol

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Make funny jokes and goofy faces.

38) Where is your best friend?

My best friends seem to be scattered all over the country.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

I desperately trying to submit my second draft for my International Law Review Comment. I ended up submitting it fifteen minutes late but it’s fine. Probably.

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so. I try to be there for my friends, and I do my best to be supportive and understanding. I tend to get in my own head a bit which can probably be annoying but hopefully the good outweighs the bad!

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Guess I’m getting fired because I am not about to leave that poor dog to die.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I’m terrified, but I make the announcement to my friends and family. I would move home, selling most of the stuff that can’t come with me. I would spend the rest of my time surrounded by loved ones and doing my favorite mountain things.

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Good Morning, Good Day from She Loves Me

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust, clear boundaries, and communication. But also having the sense of humor so you can laugh at the same stupid jokes

45) How can I win your heart?

Eat my food, make me laugh, and listen to me ramble about the things I like. Basically, just… help me feel at ease around you.

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Maybe, but I think creativity can also bring on more insanity. Have you ever had to redraw the same hand fifty times and it still doesn’t look quite right???

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Either something cool, like memento mori, or something useful like my banana bread recipe. Whatever makes my family feel better.

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

“Big heart, bad decisions.” Aka our mock trial team’s theme for our medical legal trial competition involving a guy with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy who never went to a doctor and died at a party. Good stuff.

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

I like dark green, sage green, sea foam green… okay maybe I just like green. But I also really like red and periwinkle.

51) What is your current desktop picture?

It’s one of those dynamic landscape pictures that changes based on the time of day. Mine is like a coastal cliffside?

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Probably one of those political figures doing a lot more harm than good at the moment. But I’d have to make sure that exploding that person wouldn’t cause WW3

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Hey what was going on with your home life in middle school?

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Oh boy I can’t believe that broccoli gave me the power to stop time with zero consequences, giving me the ability to get everything done!

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Walking around the arcade at Fisherman’s Wharf with my family. Actually, any thirty minutes of that San Fransisco trip would be super fun to relive.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Lots to choose from, but I don’t think I would be the person that I am today without those experiences. So I guess I’d erase something minor, like the time I turned in a really bad short film for my film studies final and then had to sit and watch it with the whole class. That was pretty humiliating.

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I’ll pass on this opportunity actually

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Ireland!

59) Ever been on a plane?

Many many times.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

This is completely objective but in no particular order, the hottest celebrities are Zendaya, Chris Hemsworth, Henry Cavil, Michael B. Jordan, Cate Blanchette, and Chris Pine

But that’s all of them! Thank you to @takabayashi-takeshi and @noworneverphantom for also submitting asks for this game. It means a lot! 😊

[moorearoundtheworld]

Top Albums of 2023

Look at this, its my latest list ever, but better late than never right?!

2023 was definitely the musical year of the sad girl for me, this will come as no surprise to those of you who have followed the list before, but they seem to have amassed in a way this year that had not previously been as dominant.  That's not to say that there aren’t some really fun albums on here, and as discussed in my radio appearance last summer sad boy/sad girl/sad they/them music doesn't all have to sound sad right off, but the underlying themes for many artists in today's social media era is that they struggle with self image, understanding fame, relationships, ect.  

That brings me to my other consummate theme, honesty. For me musicians that present something of themselves in their art just brings things to another level.  While I like a good sing along anthem as much as the next guy, if you're gonna make an album that makes it into the top 10 of my yearly list, you have to have something to say (or just be purely infectious for no apparent reason).  One theme that is finally missing from the list is pandemic albums, there's still a stray song about how our world turned upside down a few years back but it seems most bands are ready to move on to the next chapter of their creative careers, and I definitely think that is a good thing.

For those of you who are new to the list, a quick synopsis of how I go about this, first of all an “album” in my definition is something over 6 tracks and 30 minutes long, there are a lot of EPs and LPs and singles out there that are a ton of fun, but I still support musicians putting together a collection of music in a specific order that has meaning beyond the playlistification of our modern music scene (yes I will be encouraging you to listen to a playlist below and the irony is not lost on me).  I take all the albums I listened to in the past year and put them in one big playlist sometime around October/November and listen to them all as much as I can to try and rank them (see below for this monster playlist). Then I write a little blurb about each and I pick one track from the album as the “Top Track.”  Those go into another playlist with a mix of songs that also came out last year but didn’t make it onto an album to make my Top 100 Tracks of 2023 which is a great place to start if you are looking for some new music or curious about my musical wonderings for the year but can’t be bothered to read a whole article about them.  And...without further adieu, onto the list, enjoy!

Top 100 Tracks of 2023

Top Albums In Total Playlist

60. Hozier-Unreal Unearth

It's hard to believe that Unreal Unearth is only Hozier’s third studio album, after the mega-success he endured on his album in 2015, he has delved into more of his Irish roots here while sticking with the similar sound listeners have come to know and love.

Top Track: Damage Gets Done (Feat. Brandi Carlile)

59. Murder By Death-As We Wish

This short but fun cover album from the Indiana Folk-rockers features a TLC cover, an Elliot Smith Waltz, and a cover of Highwayman.  Though a diversion from their typical musical stylings their versions of these songs are oddly infectious.

Top Track: Waltz #2

58. HARBOUR-To Chase My Dreams, or to Just Lie Down?

The fourth full length release from Cincinnati native HARBOUR features their trademark high energy indie rock capped off by lead singer Ryan Grant’s powerful head voice vocals.  This album is a fun ride that signifies that they are in fact not lying down any time soon.

Top Track: I Can’t Stand It

57. Hannah Jadaju-Aperture

This year's first sad girl on the list, Jadaju’s first full length release is a bit more polished than her acclaimed 2021 EP recorded entirely on her iPhone 7.  The increased production value helps the listener focus on her skilled vocals and allows her to play a bit more with bigger sounds.  Much of the album remains relatively spare with simple guitar lines and drum machines as on her previous releases but the added range of sounds lets her play a bit more with the structure and feature her production prowess.

Top Track: Say It Now

56. Matt Wertz-Recently

Matt Wertz is Married could be a secondary title for his eighty full length release and first since his late 2020 nuptials.  Though his musical style remains a similar mix of gentle vocals over plucked guitars, the content has definitely shifted away from searching for love and toward appreciating it.

Top Track:Recently

55. John Mark McMillan-DEEP MAGIC

Contemporary Christian Alt-Pop McMillan dazzles with his wobbly baritone and unique and honest lyrical style that invites in fans of slightly odd musical stylings across all genres. And just when you think this is just another alt pop album the Saxophone intro hits on Atlanta and it takes a fun turn as he sings to his wife.

Top Track: Deep Magic

54. BAILEN-Tired Hearts

The NYC based Indie-folk sibling trio’s second studio release is packed with haunting triple harmonies that can only come from a literal lifetime of singing with each other.  Wrap that in a package of deep bass lines, string arrangements and synth lines and you get a soft yet striking mix of talents.

Top Track: Nothing Left to Give

53. Garrett Kato-Nighthawks

The Canadian born Aussie livin producer is starting to make a name for himself as an artist sharing his inner-monologues in a 6 song EP that speaks of god things to come from the singer-songwriter.

Top Track: Losing Touch

52. Handsome Ghost-Handsome Ghost

The self-titled third full length from the Boston based indie-folk duo is full of half whispered vocals over buzzy but quiet electric guitar riffs and piano lines and semi jazz styled drums.  Definitely verging into the sad boy range, but there is enough going on that you don’t get lost in the sadness.

Top Track: Neptune

51. Timecop1983-Searching For Tomorrow

The latest release from retrocore/synthwave electronic musician Timecop1983 features more instrumental tracks and less Josh Daily vocals, which for someone who is so interested in the human element in music, I was surprised I didn't miss the vocals more.  He still adds an important element to break up the synth heavy tracks, but the curated 80s vibes definitely overpower everything else.

Top Track: The Chase

50. Ed Tutlett, Lowswimmer-Lack Thereof

The prolific English singer-songwriter, better known for his collaborative projects like Novo Amor and Hailaker, put out two solo albums this year, this is the more stripped down one featuring just Ed’s voice and an acoustic guitar. His signature metronomic vocals are highlighted by the spareness of the guitar accompaniment creating a haunting and introspective invention that is more spare than anything he has done to this point.

Top Track: Lack Thereof

49. Kylie Minogue-Tension

Four decades in and showing no signs of slowing down, she had the dance hit of the summer in “Padam Padam” and a whole album that really holds up on today's electro-pop scene in a way that feels like she is the fountain of youth.

Top Track: Padam Padam

48. Fenne Lily-Big Picture

The third studio release from british folk singer-songwriter Lily is a summation of her solitary existence in Bristol fleshed out by herself and her touring band in a North Carolina studio.  You can imagine how tracks like “Lights Light Up'' went from spare explorations to a little more fun with playful guitar lines and upbeat snare lines.  Lily’s impact drips on every track though through her dark alto vocals with folky overtones ever present.

Top Track: Pick

47. The Chainsmokers-Summertime Friends

With their fifth full length Alex and Drew (sounds cooler if you just call them The Chainsmokers) deliver more of what you love from them, big, bold, dance-pop hits meant to be played loud on big speakers.  They squeeze plenty of power into just 8 tracks here with help from the likes of ILLENIUM and Nicky Jam and somehow with fewer tracks cover more musical ground than some of their previous releases.

Top Track: Think Of Us

46. Josh Gauton-Slow Resistance

Canterbury, UK native Gauton is a classically trained musician turned alt-folk wonderer.  His sophomore release features songs of searching and some finding clearly influenced by this post pandemic world we live in and his faith.  Josh frames his thoughtful lyrics with progressive layered guitar lines, simple piano plucking and a few hand claps and lets it all build to the big and bold “Love In the Time of Madness.”

Top Track-Love In the Time of Madness

45. Gregory Alan Isakov-Appalosa Bones

South Africa born Colorado livin Isakov has become one of the darlings of the Indie-folk scene in the last few years.  His latest release verges into a slightly darker tone overall exploring more of his low range vocals but with maintaining much of the spare, romantic, and poetic nature to his song structure that his fans have come to love.

Top Track: Sweet Heat Lightning

44. Sufjan Stevens-Reflections

Early last year Sufjan put out another of his all piano outlets “Reflections,” I can only imagine that he uses these as a creative outlet for the parts of himself that he doesn’t feel like he can put in his studio albums, and also to flex a bit on us mortals who can barely play one instrument.  Don’t worry, he’s still my favorite and has another album featuring further up the list.

Top Track: Reflexion

43. Birdy-Portraits

The British indie-pop sad girl has fully shed her skin and moved away from the brilliant covers that dominated her early career into a full fledged album of original music that feels entirely her own.  She has mastered the energy and power of her operatic vocals and to present a big and dark sound on her fifth studio album.

Top Track: Ruins II

42. Echosmith-Echosmith

Chico, California native sibling trio Echosmith put out their third studio release is a fun pop junt through their now well established career, sister Sydney’s vocals clearly define the band these days though their bouncy bass style is clearly featured as well.  Most of all I have to shout out the vocal break where they discuss their favorite gelato flavors, whats not to like there? Top Track: Sour

41. Molly Tuttle and Golden Highway-City of Gold

Her second release in a row to top the US Bluegrass charts clearly the combination with Golden Highway has Tuttle meeting the hype that has followed her career to this point.  City of Gold pulls no punches and is one of the most fun bluegrass albums you are gonna listen to, Tuttle can hold her own as one of the best bluegrass guitarists out there, but filling things out with the backing band leads to a bigger sound that puts even more strength behind her creations.

Top Track: Next Rodeo

40. PVRIS-EVERGREEN

Power Pop sad girl Lynn Gunn returns with her fourth album front-lining the Boston based rockers PVRIS.  Depending on where you look Gunn is either a solo act at this point or still has help from bassist Brian McDonald on writing and recording, but either way she is the driving force of this dark and forceful album that bridges electro pop and hard rock.

Top Track: I DON’T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE

39. Bruno Major-Colombo

Major is a modern day crooner with swoony intimate tracks that feel like your sitting across the table from him just listening in awe.  You can feel the influence of his jazz roots in the depths of the bass lines under his delicate vocals and spare guitar and piano lines, a true songsmith in his own words.

Top Track: Trajectories

38. JFDR-Museum

Icelandic electro-folk artist and another skilled sad girl, Jófríður Ákadóttir’s (I had to copy and past that cause there's no chance I could get all the accents right) third full length solo effort is a rollercoaster ride of ethereal electronics mixed with her haunting layered vocals that don’t always go where you think they should keeping you slightly on edge even though the music itself is soft and gentle, it is a very curious and enjoyable juxtaposition.

Top Track: The Orchid

37. Wye Oak-Every Day Like the Last

This is a compilation album that combines the past few years of singles the Durham, NC indie folk duo put out and the nine tracks that feature here give us the best of the range that Wye Oak can show while clearly displaying sonic exploration.  It is a big sound for just two people to manage but Jenn Wasner’s lead vocals reign over the host of instruments they command through mixed time signatures and pacing that leads to a unique but comforting style.

Top Track: Fortune

36. Gus Dapperton-Henge

This album was probably the biggest climber on my re-listen playlist, initially it felt a little overproduced but after spending more time with it Dapperton’s effortless falsetto and creative electro-pop songwriting is as captivating as his fashion choices, which I of course as a now old man don’t understand, but can appreciate.  

Top Track: Midnight Train

35. Husbands-Cuatro

Dreamy surf rock is not necessarily what you would expect from an Oklahoma City based band, but these four (sometimes 5) guys are here to prove you wrong.  Their brand of landlocked coastal music has an authentic sound with a bit of a grunge/garage rock edge to it and their enthusiasm for how lucky they feel to make music for a living shines through.

Top Track: Super New China

34. Noah Gundersen-If This Is the End

The latest release from Washington native and prolific singer-songwriter Gundersen comes out of a time of confusion and frustration with his place in the music industry.  He used the experiences and emotions of the last few years when he worked more construction jobs than musical ones to write a vulnerable and raw album about finding his way.  Lucky for us the industry didn’t break him and he's able to share that music with us.

Top Track: Swim

33. John Vincent III-Songs For The Canyon

Vincent returns with his third full length release and a slightly more refined sound that echos the singer-songwriters of the 70s that he undoubtedly has been influenced by.  Not sure if the canyon in reference is Laurel or Joni’s Ladies of the canyon, but either way the sound is similar with his soft, often high pitch lyrics feeling something like a more melodic less poetic Dylan. 

Top Track: That's Just How It Is, Babe

32. Boy & Bear-Boy & Bear

With now five albums in a row in the top 10 of the Australian charts Boy & Bear have cemented themselves as a mainstay as the Aussie indie folk scene.  If you haven’t heard of them I would liken them to a folksy version of Alt J with Dave Hoskins wobbly vocals melding will with the driving synth and drum lines. 

Top Track: Strange World

31. BOYS LIKE GIRLS-SUNDAY AT FOXWOODS

Close your eyes and think back to 2006..The Great Escape is screaming out of your car speakers as a testament to teenage angst and post-pop power punk. In the blink of an eye its 2023 and with their first album in over a decade the Massachusetts natives have survived pandemic canceled tours, losing members, and have emerged into a very different music scene than they started in with an album that echoes their former selves but is smart enough to not try to reproduce it. It is a really fun pop rock record that is mature enough to speak to their old fans and exciting enough to open up to new audiences.

Top Track: NEW LOVE

30. ILLENIUM-ILLENIUM

The fifth full length album from Denver based DJ ILLENIUM, aka Nicholas Daniel Miller, doesn’t stray too far from what fans have come to expect, big bold multi-genre hits with featuring artists varying from Avril Lavine to All Time Low.  Miller definitely takes some influence from his personal life as a newlywed on tracks like “All That Really Matters” and “With All My Heart” but covers the tougher parts of life plenty over 16 tracks.  He has definitely secured a spot as one of the most successful producers and DJs on the scene today.

Top Track: Other Side

29. Caroline Polachek-Desire, I Want To Turn Into You

With her second full length studio solo album Polachek has fully shed her Chairlift skin and metamorphosed into an outsized version of herself as an artist.  Her version of unapologetic female alt pop is as entertaining as it is curious at times and seeing her live at Kilby Court BP this year was an experience for sure.  It really feels like she is just getting started on her solo musical journey which is fun to think about since she is exactly one day older than me, there's still more fun to come!

Top Track: Billions

28. Bombay Bicycle Club-My Big Day

These four Londoners have come a long way from winning a contest to open V Fest in 2006, and their sixth studio release marks over a decade and a half as a band.  Impressively they have been able to maintain a huge amount of integrity of the sound that attracted people to them from the early days.  Their brand of indie rock/folk with a splash of eastern influence is on full display in their latest effort in a way that is really fun on a first listen and contains enough depth that it rewards continuing to stick with it over and again.

Top Track: Just A Little More Time

27. Daughter-Stereo Mind Game

One of the saddest sad girls out there is back after frontwoman Elena Tonra’s solo exploration with their first studio release in 7 years.  The London based trio gives us more of their deep, dark, and thoughtful brand of electro-folk with Tonra’s haunting vocals and raw lyrical style framed by swelling string arrangements driving snare lines and various electronic effects that keep you on your toes.

Top Track: Be On Your Way

26. joan-superglue

It's hard to believe that this is the debut album from the Little Rock based pop duo, after releasing singles and LPs for the last 6 or 7 years joan finally brings us a full dose of their light and airy synth pop style that feels like it is nostalgic for 90s and early 2000s pop when things felt so much simpler.  

Top Track: feeling like dancing

25. Darlingside-Everything is Alive

When All Songs Considered describes somebody as “exquisitely arranged, literary-minded, baroque folk-pop” it's probably gonna work for me.  The Boston based quartet tenth album is a spare collection of dreamy folk tunes with layered harmonic vocals and more instruments that I can count in the mix.  Their ability to buck conventional time signatures and still sound like something nostalgic is very engaging and keeps listeners coming back. 

Top Track: Eliza I See

24. Fly By Midnight-Fictional Illustrations

These guys just know how to make popular music, it's nothing revolutionary or never heard from before, but the make catchy songs that explore the struggles of relationships underneath driving synth lines and saxophone solos.  This is already the 6th full length release from the NY native LA livin duo who feels like they are still pretty new to the scene, notably without any featuring artists this time around showing off their talents as a duo.

Top Track: What If I Wasn’t Done Loving You?

23. Blondeshell-Blondeshell

Blondeshell aka Sabrina is a force, her debut full length (under this moniker) pulls no punches, her brand of indie rock is as loud as it is sad girl.  She is unapologetic about the difficulties young women face in today’s world and uses big guitar licks and frank lyrics to get a rise out of those that may disagree with her.  Overall the 9 track ride is really fun with some tongue in cheek style remarks and big dark sound that still hits the high notes.

Top Track: Salad

22. Chelsea Cutler-Stellaria

The third full length release from Connecticut's own happy sounding sad girl is an exploration of her difficulties navigating life and relationships as a now 20 something in a post pandemic world, and I would say she's doing alright at it.  Her gentle soprano vocals juxtaposed with her starkly honest lyrics like “I’m undressing for my lover and hoping she don’t hate all my skin like I do” and “No one hates me more than I do” is an artful contradiction that always gets me.

Top Track: Your Bones 

21. Indigo De Souza-All of This Will End

The third full length release from the America-Brazillian Asheville,NC native found the greatest critical and commercial success of her young career.  De Souza calls it like she sees it with lyrics that are descriptive and conversational “I can’t believe I let you touch my body” and “..wanna turn my brain off, wanna turn my shame to dust..” Her talk-sing vocal style won’t land with everyone and once you start paying a bit more attention to the lyrics she verges more into sad girl territory, but as you probably know by now that lands with me.

Top Track: The Water

20. Ben Folds-What Matters Most

Ben Folds is back with his first solo album since 2015 and probably the first you've heard of him since around 2005. I think it is fair to call this his “post fame” album or at least I think that is a story he is trying to tell.  The album is full of classic Ben Folds prose and beautiful piano driven songs that span across genres from the alt-indie “Exhausting Lover” to the old-timey intro of “Paddleboat Breakup” Ben gives us a window into his life telling stories as only he can do, and it doesn’t sound too bad.  Even with his retrospective “Back To Anonymous” that sounds a little low in tone but in reality represents a positive turn into a quieter life where he can do more of the things that he enjoys, and good for him.  

Top Track: Winslow Gardens

19. The Band CAMINO-The Dark

The second full length release from the Memphis based pop-rock trio is another absolute banger, it feels a little more mature in that they stay in a slightly smaller lane trending to a slight reggae feel in the blend and letting their two distinct vocalists balance each other more effectively. The subject matter still falls into the classic pop rock tropes of women and relationships gone wrong but they manage to make old themes feel fun and new.

Top Track: Afraid of the Dark

18. Glen Hansard-All That Was East is West of Me Now

Well I guess you could call this Glen’s fifth full length solo release but that doesn’t even begin to capture the depth of what is a prolific career for someone who absolutely has to be in the conversation for one of the best Irish musicians ever.  If you have followed Hansard’s career at all you will know that it has been fueled by the heights and depths of fame and passion for the world around him.  At 51 years of age Glen became a father for the first time in 2022 and while being happily married with a son certainly changes a man you will still find plenty of his grit and heard spilled over harsh acoustic guitar strumming. Oh and for those keeping score, I saw them perform live together this past summer and he is definitely still in love with Marketa.

Top Track: Bearing Witness

17. The National-The First Two Pages of Frankenstien

My second favorite band gave me two albums this year, this was the first that came out in April and features the likes of Sufjan Stevens, Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift, three of the most influential pop artists in the world.  But the real victory here is that these mega stars featuring on their songs in no way overshadows their work, Matt Berniger’s lead vocals still manage to sound like a letter from an old friend framed perfectly by Dessner and the Devendorfs instruments.  Well come back to these guys in a minute.

Top Track: Your Mind Is Not Your Friend (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)

16. Killer Mike-MICHAEL

Atlanta’s own and every rapper’s favorite rapper Michael Render feels like he is finally getting the recognition he deserves.  With the success of Run The Jewels, Mike’s first solo album in a decade was critically acclaimed and found commercial success.  Mike’s artistry speaks for itself, his flow is second to none, the production and managing so many featuring artists is incredible, but the biggest thing is how much you can tell he puts into his music.  His activism is a huge part of his personality and he channels this desire for a better world, especially for Black Men in America, into powerful tracks that genuinely feel like they are making a difference.

Top Track: MOTHERLESS

15. Gatlin-I Sleep Fine Now

Ok, and now back to the sad girls with Florida native Gatlin Thorton who put out a 7 track LP full of happy sad songs baring her life on our speakers for communal catharsis in the Taylor Swift mold.  Gatlin exists in the more delicate singer/songwriter mode but plays up with some synth backing on a few tracks, overall her quietly powerful layered vocals combined with almost too honest honesty are a very enjoyable combination.

Top Track: When You’re Breaking My Heart

14. Abby Holliday-I’M OK NO I’M NOT

The second 7 track album in a row and second of sad girl Abby Holliday’s young career is showing a lot of wisdom and promise for a 20 something year old.  Holliday’s production of songs that build and grow and then drop out at a moment’s notice are mini-masterpieces that capture her emotions and lay them bare for us all.  They get a little over produced at moments and can be a bit hard to access for some I’m sure, but she definitely checks some of the right musical boxes for me.

Top Track: Ohio Laundry Room

13. Midnight Kids-The Long Way Home

Pop-retro core duo Midnight Kids are a group that I really don’t know much about but their light and airy electro-synth pop was a really fun discovery late last year.  They write anthems for the kids who aren’t afraid to stay up all night for a good time and they use heavy bass and snare beats with driving synth lines to make you feel like you wanna stay up with them.

Top Track: Your Way

12. Hayden Calnin-The Turning of The Tide Side A and B

Australia's Calnin put out two EPs that I’m smuggling into one album for the purposes of the list here.  Hayden’s music is gentle and mystical and feels like you're lying face up in the ocean looking at the stars as the waves slowly wash you back to shore.  I really appreciate his restraint and ability to make his songs spare enough that you feel each element individually, he clearly has the talent to make bigger and bolder songs, but he holds back and slowly builds an atmosphere around his songs that in some ways makes them more impactful.

Top Track: Gravity Find Us & Bring Us In

11. Nightly-wear your heart out

Nashville based Alt Pop trio Nightly are back with their sophomore album, and it is definitely a diversion from the sad energy that often drives my listening.  Their tenor vocals and beachy electric guitar vibes mixed in with some light synth lines makes for a really fun pop rock with typical themes about girls and one about being boys.

Top Track: the feeling

10. boygenius-the record

The first full length album from sad girl supergroup, the boys, aka Phoebe Bridger, Julian Baker, and Lucy Dacus, took the alt pop world by force this year winning 3 grammys on 6 nominations. It makes sense for three women who have ascending solo careers, but rarely is such a combination this much greater than the sum of its parts.  The coolest part about the whole boygenius experience is just how much fun the three of them are clearly having playing together, I didn’t go see them live but the media coming out of the tour and what I heard from folks who did sounded like a pretty amazing experience.

Top Track: Not Strong Enough

9. Ben Howard-Is It?

The fifth album from fellow former Devonian Howard retains the slightly odd musing elements we are accustomed to with him but with a lot more continuity than previous albums.  He recorded this all over the course of 10 days at a Chateau in France and uses the songs to explore his experience with a medical event the year prior that affected his speech and memory, scary thing for anyone but particularly pointed for a performer as nuanced as Ben.  Lucky for us he appears to be doing well and channeled his talents into a thoughtful and thought provoking indie album.

Top Track: Life In The Time

8. Del Water Gap-I Miss You Already + I Haven't Left Yet

The sophomore release from the solo project of Brooklyn based artist S. Holden Jaffe stands as a principle example of a modern pop album.  Jaffe lays his personal life bare for us in an even more raw expression than Taylor could ever claim.  His high tenor vocals are as piercing as his honestly as he works through his struggles with depression and substance abuse and of course failed relationships with no line more stinging than “...she says I think your music got worse, since you went fully sober, at least now you won’t kill yourself…” Heres to using art to express your feelings and not letting them devour you.

Top Track: Beach House

7. The National-Laugh Track

This is supposedly the “left over” tracks that these guys surprise released at the end of the year off the back of The First Two Pages of Frankenstein, I don’t know exactly what it says about me in particular but these leftover tracks hit more for me than the real album! It helps that Bon Iver and Phoebe Bridgers are still hanging out here and that the Bon Iver track is the best on both albums in my opinion.  Out of the two this album is a but more reserved and quite, but still with the poetic substance of the sad dad energy we expect from these guys.

Top Track: Weird Goodbyes (feat. Bon Iver)

6. Sufjan Stevens-Javelin

Through career that has now spanned over 20 years and taken many twists and turns musically, Sufjan has consistently been my favorite artist of my lifetime.  His latest effort is no different, an emotional gut wrenching at times examination of his life and the life of his late partner framed as only he can. It starts with a goodbye that is gentle at first but then builds in Age of Adz format into a big electro refrain.  Most tracks on this album stay more spare with reverence to the topic until the crescendo on the 8 minute second to last track masterfully crafted to not feel like a mega song but more of a journey, much like the album itself.

Top Track: Will Anybody Ever Love Me?

5. Josiah and the Bonnevilles-Endurance

One of the most successful American Idol contestants that you didn’t know was on American Idol, Tennessee native Josiah Leming still has plenty of stories to tell.  Depending on how you count this is his 9th or 12th album and 4th in the past three years following up a really fun cover album earlier in the year.  Leming’s blend of folk, bluegrass, and country provides depth to a genre of music that some can suggest lacks it, his effortless poetry blending with his acoustic guitar and harmonica prowess to produce a fun and beautiful blend of country folk.

Top Track: Burn

4. Eighty Ninety-Bowery Beach Road/Eighty Ninety

Minimalist pop darlings Eighty Ninety put out two albums this year and honestly I’m not sure how to separate them. They are both compilation albums of sorts with songs that they have had out for a few years and a couple of new tracks.  Luckily the confusion of what is going on doesnt detract from the artistry that these two brothers put together mostly centered around smalltown heartbreak, their viral hit “Three Thirty” from a few years back is here and its haunting pucky guitar speaks to all the missed connections you’ve had in your life. Bowery Beach features a little more variety in the production and song structure while the self-titled Eighty Ninety has more traditional pop tunes.  Together they represent a strong offering in a crowded pop rock duo era, looking forward to hearing more from these guys.

Top Track: Next To Me

3. Petey-USA

Sometimes I baffle myself with the artists peak my interest, Petey is one of those, hes a tik tok star that makes music, and kind of out there music at that, but I don’t know theres just something about the energy that he puts into his music that transcends the lack of melody in some of his songs and represents a “serious” side of him that works as a really fun foil to his comedy career.  His songs still have an air of unseriousness surrounding them but below the surface there is still “..if you never showed me bambi, I could breathe instead of panic, I’d provide for a family of six.” He finds a way to approach his mental health without it sounding like a therapy session and definitely finds a distinction from his other life.

Top Track: I’ll Wait (This is probably also my song of the year)

2. The Japanese House-In The End It Always Does

Amber Bain is back with her sophomore album and first post pandemic music and let me say it was worth the wait.  A lot has happened in Amber’s life in the past 4 years and she is not afraid to tell us about it.  She has multiple songs about the two women in her life, her dog Joni Jones and her girlfriend, she is living her best life and actually recently got engaged and moved to LA, so I’d say things are looking up.  Her delicate layered vocals and multi instrumental mastery helps her craft songs that feel entirely her own, she feels a little less androgenous on this album which I think is fitting for the content, but even in all that is going right, sad girls are still gonna sad girl, because In The End It Always Does.

Top Track: Boyhood

1. Holly Humberstone-Paint My Bedroom Black

This one honestly snuck up on me I had Holly on my list last year but apparently that was a compilation album so this counts as her debut album and what a debut it was.   This young lady from a middle of nowhere town in England just has a way about her song structure, honestly, and being lonely in hotel rooms that just resonates with some part of me.  I think she really solidified things when I was driving around England in October and her Bon Iver with a little more structure just felt like the right soundtrack under somewhat gloomy skies and country lanes. Her strength of autotune production is impressive and combine that with a lot of deep synth lines its just made for me. She has been a featured artist on a bunch of tracks I have heard this year already which is really cool to see the industry at large recognizing her more as a legitimate player.

Top Track: Into Your Room

[1999babiesclassof2k17]

📅 | June 23, 2020

📝 | Em for USCD Tritons Newsletter: Choose Your Weapon: Épée, Piano, or Guitar: Meet UC San Diego's Multi-Talented Emily Beihold

Growing up just a few miles outside Los Angeles, there's a good chance one will become attracted to the arts. Whether it's music, film, television, architecture, dance, painting, or literature, the City of Angels offers up unlimited exposure to outlets of creativity.

Emily Beihold, a 2020 University of California San Diego graduate and Triton scholar-athlete, discovered her passions in Los Angeles County. All are a product of her environment, but not all are affiliated with the Hollywood Bowl, the Sunset Strip, the studios, or the museums.

A native of Glendale, located a mere 10 miles from downtown LA, Beihold's parents are involved in the entertainment industry, movies and television to be exact. Mom is a producer and dad is a storyboard artist. He is also a competitive fencer. Their influences run deep.

Beihold's weapons of choice in creative expression include the piano, the guitar, the ukulele, her voice, and the épée. The largest and heaviest of the three weapons utilized in fencing, the épée is a major player in the combat sport that has been part of the Olympic Games since 1896.

Beihold is in her element when performing on stage, writing and playing original music, and taking to the fencing strips to compete.

THE MUSIC

Em Beihold, as she goes by in her music career, finds inspiration in the talents of Billie Holiday, Brandi Carlile, Ella Fitzgerald, Feist, Florence and the Machine, Lorde, and Regina Spektor. Her work spans several genres including folk, pop, and rock, all with indie and alternative leanings.

Things are going well for Beihold as she recently saw her music surpass 1,000,000 streams by fans.

Where did it all start?

“I remember when I was six I saw a piano in the window of a store and I asked my parents if I could have one,” said Beihold. “They said yes, but only if I committed to taking lessons. It was an easy, albeit a bit rash, decision to start playing.”

Beihold began taking lessons. She learned scales, sight reading, song writing, improvisation, and music theory. Her teacher, who she considers one of her biggest idols to this day, encouraged her to create her own music. 

“I wrote my first song when I was seven,” recalled Beihold. "It was called "America Home" and it was accompanied by piano and a drum track. It was the cheesiest thing you've ever heard. I listened to it last year and I was repulsed. But it's cute, I had a tiny voice then."

It wasn't long until that tiny voice began to grow.

"At summer camp in fourth grade I saw a girl performing ‘The Call’ by Regina Spektor on stage," remembered Beihold. “I was just so moved and immediately I started thinking 'I want to be able to write like that, I want to be able to sing songs like that.'

"I wanted to sound like her (Spektor) and I love how she breaks the typical rules of song writing. When you listen to her, you don't always know what's going to happen next.”

Along with the influences of living in Los Angeles and having creative parents, Beihold's schooling also played a big part in her love for music.

“I went to private and public schools and both were very arts-oriented,” explained Beihold. “I had the support system in place there to be able to do my craft.”

Beihold performs her original song “Shoot Her Down” in the video below.

After years of piano, voice, and writing practice, Beihold got a break in 2017.

At a live performance at Republic of Pie in North Hollywood, the crowd included the director, writer, and co-producer of a soon to be released movie. A fan of Beihold's set, she asked if she would be interested in writing a song for the film.

“She sent me the script and I wrote something based off of what I read,” said Beihold. “I remember there was something in the script about droplets of water in a sink, and that's what I based the sound of the song off of. I sent it back and she said it fit perfectly.

“It was one of the best experiences ever. It just flowed, and that doesn't happen all of the time.”

Beihold's creation, “Not Who We Were," is featured in the 2017 movie “I'm Not Here,” which stars J.K. Simmons, Mandy Moore, Sebastian Stan, Max Greenfield, and David Koechner.

You can listen to the song below.

Always wanting to progress, Beihold added guitar and ukulele to her repertoire.

“I know a good amount on the piano, but I feel a bit limited because I like a lot of songs on guitar and I wanted to write in that way,” said Beihold. “It's a different process chord-wise when you write for guitar versus piano, so I bought a guitar and took lessons online.”

And the uke?

“The ukulele was a gift from my parents,” revealed Beihold. “It's a lot easier than the guitar with only four strings and a tiny fret board. Just about anyone can play the uke.”

Beihold has taken to the streets with her ukulele, busking at farmer's markets along with a friend that sings harmonies. She also continues to play open mic nights, primarily in the Los Angeles area.

“I still get nervous, thinking that people won't like my music,” said Beihold. “I played the 626 Night Market, a huge festival that draws 100,000 people over the weekend. It was so dark that I couldn't see anyone, so I wasn't nervous at all. It's more nerve-racking for me in coffee shops, where I can see everyone's faces.

What does her musical future look like?

“I'd like to continue to give it all that I have to be an artist," she said.    

THE FENCING Beihold has been involved in fencing since her childhood years, following in the lunging footsteps of her father.

A 2017 graduate of John Burroughs High School in Burbank, she won two state championships and placed third at the 2015 Division II National Championships.

She carried her athletic passion into college, becoming a competitive fencer for UC San Diego. The Tritons annually go up against powerhouse programs such as Columbia, Harvard, Northwestern, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Princeton, and Yale, to name a few.

Over her three years as an épéeist in La Jolla, Beihold twice qualified for the NCAA National Collegiate Championships, the pinnacle of fencing at the college level.

As a freshman in 2018, she placed 20th in épée during the two-day event at Penn State University. Beihold picked up a huge victory over Notre Dame's Amanda Sirico, who went on to win the U.S. Fencing Association National Championship a month later.

As a sophomore in 2019, she went deeper, finishing 12th to earn All-America honors in Cleveland. During her run, she defeated three of the four eventual finalists, including Sirico.

“When the event was over, I thought I had placed 13th and I was disappointed," revealed Beihold. “But then, my teammate Miya showed me the updated standings and I was 12th! I was shocked. Becoming an All-American was always a secret goal of mine, but it seemed so out of reach that I never vocalized it.”

Beihold is a two-time All-Western Fencing Conference performer (2018 and 2019) and helped UC San Diego win league titles in 2018 and 2020. She served as the Tritons' épée squad captain this year.

“Fencing at UC San Diego taught me how to be a friend, a teammate, and a leader,” said Beihold. "I also learned how to better manage my time by being a scholar-athlete while balancing school, jobs, and other extracurriculars all at once.

"The best thing were the people! I made lifelong friends not just with my teammates, but my coaches as well. Coach Juan Ignacio was an incredible mentor to me and I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to work with him for the past three years."

How long will Beihold continue fencing?

“Well, my dad's in his 60's and he's still killing it,” she said.

THE CROSSOVER So is there any artistic connection between writing and performing music and fencing?

“Actually, yes,” says Beihold. “As I do it over and over, the way that the blade hits another blade or someone's body, I hear a rhythm to it.

“In fencing, there's a practice called ‘breaking tempo' in which you want to break that rhythm and change the timing, and that’s my biggest weakness in the sport. Because of music, I think my brain is so used to having the rhythm keep going and I'm not wired to break it.

“Sometimes when I fence, I keep attacking, attacking, attacking and I just mow them down without really stopping to have a moment or get a reaction. Melodically, it just makes more sense to keep going.”

Music and fencing are both tools to placate the soul as well.

“It's literally therapy once you get into the flow of it,” said Beihold. "Over the past few quarters, I haven't really written much because I've been so busy with school. I was getting very emotional with no release. Fencing certainly helped to an extent, but it's not the same as translating your feelings into words and notes.

"Fencing is definitely creative, but it's more of a physical release as opposed to an emotional release. It brightens my mood, but it's not necessarily fixing anything. Music fixes more."

Is listening to music prior to competing a major part of her routine?

“I listen to music before fencing sometimes, but I'm not dependent on it,” she said. “Sometimes I like silence, I guess that's when I think best.” 

THE FUTURE A communication major with a business minor, the multi-talented Beihold graduated from UC San Diego on June 13 of this year. The kicker? She was just a junior, earning her degree in just three years as a result of taking many high school AP courses that allowed her to enter UC San Diego with a slew of credits already earned.

As a collegiate scholar-athlete, Beihold collected academic awards to go along with her athletic accolades, earning CoSIDA Academic All-District honors as a sophomore before being named a Chancellor's Scholar-Athlete Award winner as a junior.

“In college, I wanted to learn more about marketing, and more specifically, how to market myself,” said Beihold. “I was also interested in learning about media and film and how music and film go together. If music doesn't work out, I'll probably go into film in some capacity."

Currently, Beihold is working on putting an album together, her first commercial endeavor since releasing a six-song EP in 2017. Staying home due to the COVID-19 pandemic has afforded her plenty of time to write new songs and revisit unfinished ones.

Her short term goal is to release something next year.

Looking long term, she hopes to get to a point in her career in which she can tour and perform at music festivals.

“I know my future is in music,” she said. “I just don't know if it's in performing or writing.”

Wherever her talents take her, the show must go on.

[justinsentertainmentcorner]

Sam Lansky at Time Magazine: 

People keep asking T.J. Osborne how he’s feeling, which makes sense, given the thing he’s about to do, but it’s making him uneasy, hearing that well-intentioned question over and over again from so many people—his friends, his family, his team, and even me, over the course of the days that have led up to this one. Now, at a masked-up photo shoot in east Nashville, he insists that he’s feeling good as he slips on a jacket. “I’m ready to put this behind me,” he says.

T.J. is tall and friendly, with a twangy, sonorous voice that often crests into deep, warm laughter. He’s the lead vocalist of Brothers Osborne, the duo he formed with his brother John, a guitarist, in 2012; together they make roots-inflected, soulful country-rock that sounds just as good on the radio as it would filling an arena. Since signing to EMI Records Nashville, they’ve released seven country Top 40 singles and three studio albums, including their swoony, rollicking platinum hit “Stay a Little Longer,” which crossed over to mainstream radio. (Have you ever fallen in love in late summer, gazing out at an orange-and-purple sunset from the bed of a pickup truck? Well, me neither, but this song will make you feel like you have!) The duo has won four CMA Awards, been nominated for seven Grammys, and collaborated with heavy-hitting country contemporaries such as Dierks Bentley and Maren Morris. There’s nothing surprising about the duo’s popularity: Both T.J. and John are engaging performers with a knack for anthemic hooks.

What may come as a surprise to the band’s fans is the news that T.J., 36, is gay. This isn’t a recent revelation for him; he’s known since he was young, and he’s been out to family and friends in his tight-knit Nashville community for years. In some respects, he says, coming out publicly is no big deal. “I’m very comfortable being gay,” he says later, in a quiet room at the office of his management company. “I find myself being guarded for not wanting to talk about something that I personally don’t have a problem with. That feels so strange.”

But his reservations are understandable, given that country music remains a bastion of mainstream conservatism in American arts and culture. If liberal Hollywood is notorious for pushing a progressive agenda, country has historically been its counterpoint—a safe haven for traditional “family values.” Never mind that many country artists, like Nashville as a city, lean blue: They know that their primary market, like the state of Tennessee itself, skews red. The country music business is lucrative, generating $5.5 billion to Nashville’s economy alone, according to RIAA; if artists speak out, they run the risk of alienating listeners, particularly in an era when even anodyne statements of support for a cause can be misconstrued. The tale of the Chicks, formerly the Dixie Chicks, who were exiled after criticizing the Iraq War, looms large over country music. Taylor Swift even cited the band’s ouster as a reason she remained publicly apolitical for so long: “You’re always one comment away from being done,” she told Variety in a 2020 interview.

With this news, T.J. becomes the only openly gay artist signed to a major country label—a historic moment for the genre. He’s had predecessors, of course: Other openly queer artists, from Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile to masked cowboy Orville Peck to viral hitmaker Lil Nas X, have found success by integrating country influences into their genre-defying music, and country artists including Chely Wright and Billy Gilman have passionate fanbases. But T.J. may be the first to come out with his feet so firmly planted in both the sound and machinery of mainstream country, in the full bloom of his career.

He is worried that coming out will look opportunistic, or attention-seeking. “People will ask, ‘Why does this even need to be talked about?’ and personally, I agree with that,” he says. “But for me to show up at an awards show with a man would be jaw-dropping to people. It wouldn’t be like, ‘Oh, cool!”

What happens next remains to be seen. “I don’t think I’m going to get run off the stage in Chicago,” he says. “But in a rural town playing a county fair? I’m curious how this will go.” The professional risks he’s taking in coming out feel worth it, both for his own happiness and because, well, it’s time. Country music is about storytelling, and that means T.J.’s identity is inextricable from his music. Maybe, T.J. says, country isn’t the most popular genre among gay people. “But is that just because they’ve never had the opportunity to relate to it?”

***

T.J. is short for Thomas John, the inverse of his older brother and bandmate, whose name is John Thomas, named after their father, whose name is also John Thomas, though people call him “Big John.” Growing up in Deale, Md., a blue-collar town on the Chesapeake Bay, T.J. and his siblings—including sister Natalie, who now works for a publisher in Nashville—were always musical, performing alongside Big John’s blues band in local shows. But being closeted was painful. “It was so lonely and isolating,” T.J. says. “It made me resent people.” A first heartbreak in his early twenties crushed him all the more because he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. “I was mad that no one knew why I was hurting,” he says. He channeled that anguish into his music. One song he wrote about that relationship, called “21 Summer,” has become a fan favorite, and you can see why: It’s a big, nostalgic singalong with lyrics about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze. It’s still tender for him—not just heartbreak, but how alone he was going through it. “There are so many times I’ve sung that song and wanted to cry,” he says. “People love that song, but the emotion of it is deeper than they even realize.”

[...]

Will conservative radio programmers or rural concertgoers be as eager to play and tailgate a gay artist, even one they already know and love? Both brothers want to believe the answer is yes. “Maybe I’m not giving my fans enough credit,” T.J. says. “Maybe I’m not giving the genre enough credit.” His reasons for doing this now, he says, have nothing to do with wanting to be loved or hated. “I just want to move on,” he says again, and it’s here that I break.

So I ask T.J. a question, which is: What if there is nothing to move on from? What if being gay is a gift, and your gayness is not something to be tolerated but something to be celebrated, and even if untangling the shame and confusion of growing up gay in a straight world takes a long time, it’s worth doing so you can use your voice, not only to sing songs about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze but to say, clearly and unapologetically, that this is who you are? What if there are a lot of gay boys in small towns who haven’t figured it out yet and feel overwhelmed by snarky TV sidekicks and glittery pop stars bellowing self-empowerment anthems, and what if those gay boys in small towns got to have an avatar of their own—if they knew that someone like them was singing that song about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze on the radio? Isn’t that why we spend so much time talking about representation, because as much as it’s a burden, it’s also the only antidote to the loneliness of being different? And—not to tell him how to feel, which is, of course, exactly what I’m doing—but isn’t this occasion, of owning who he is in a place where some people might prefer he didn’t exist, something to embrace instead of something to endure?

“Don’t get me wrong,” T.J. says. “When I say I want to put it behind me, I want to put the coming out behind me. Because ultimately it’s a very small detail about me.”

But what if being gay is not a small detail? I ask. What if it’s the most important thing about you? Which is not to say that it should be, or that it is, but just that—what if?

T.J. Osborne of country group Brothers Osborne came out as gay. 

[juliaisabellphoto]

My 2020 Albums of the Year

Never requested, always provided. Here are my favorites of 2020. Here’s the playlist. 

The Secret Sisters, Saturn Return

As soon as I saw “Water Witch, featuring Brandi Carlile” on this tracklist I knew that the Secret Sisters would be a favorite of 2020. In February, I was staying with a friend in Nashville and she mentioned them as a local favorite, and when I stopped at Grimey’s to shop for records I came upon a signed copy of “Saturn Return.” I had never heard the Secret Sisters before, but there is nobody I trust more to recommend music than this Nashville friend of mine, so I bought it. I made no mistake here: this record blew me away. The soft, soulful, lullaby of “Healer in the Sky” pulled me through the pain of the first month of quarantine and soothed me as the world was turned upside down. In reading more on the record, this seems to have been the point: they say, “this album is a reflection of us coming to terms with how to find our power in the face of an unfair world… our hope is that women can feel less alone in their journey through the modern world.” There is something in the caramel-thick sweetness of these sisters’ voices that makes a listener feel as though they’ve been bewitched into calm. When I think of this album, I think of the cross-country drive I took at the beginning of the pandemic to make my way home and the happy moments that can be found in darkness. No album touched my heart this year in the way that “Saturn Return” did. 

Taylor Swift, Folklore and Evermore

Taylor Swift… can even be said? Somehow, while we all sat on our couches in quarantine, this woman created not one but two musical masterpieces. She begins “the 1” by stating “I’m doin good, I’m on some new shit,” and that says a lot about the album as a whole. She created the 2020 we all wish we experienced: soft, sweet, and gentle. Listening to Folklore feels like visiting a cabin in the woods, with a fireplace well lit. Swift tells winding stories of love, hardship, and mystery and tenderly walks us through the forest of her imagination. This magical feeling was amplified by her release of The Long Pond Studio Sessions, a film in which Swift, Jack Antonoff, and Aaron Dessner finally play the album together for the first time after recording it entirely remotely. The setting matches the sound: they play in an album in the middle of the woods, cozy and hidden from the snow. Evermore cuts through the delicate ice of Folklore: it is the color to Folklore’s black and white. Swift combines the soft folk sound of “willow” with some of her country and Americana roots in “no body, no crime,” drawing us in once again. She includes Bon Iver singing in his lower register in Folklore and then in his falsetto in Evermore: two sides of the same magic coin. The work in these two albums is Swift’s strongest ever, and solidifies the fact that no modern artist can really reach her. 

Chris Stapleton, Starting Over 

Following a three-year hiatus, all lovers of southern rock deeply needed a Chris Stapleton album. In “Starting Over,” Stapleton yet again does what he does best: combines his unique whiskey-tinged growl with the best lyricism present in country music today. This record can’t be captured in any singular fashion, neither musically nor emotionally. The title track sets a high bar for the rest of the record with a reflection on re-remembering what really matters, a message certainly relevant for this turbulent year. Stapleton’s typical outlaw-country brand is present in full with “Devil Always Made Me Think Twice,” “Arkansas,” and “Hillbilly Blood,” but other songs take him in a completely new stylistic direction. “Maggie’s Song” takes on a very classic old-time country feel, as Stapleton weaves sweet and simple stories as he processes the loss of his pup. He harnesses the energy of the Chicks as he angrily lambasts the perpetrators of the 2017 mass shooting at Route 91. The song is a Stapleton-sponsored judgment day reckoning, including the cacophonic sound of a crowd in panic and the shrieks of a gospel choir. In contrast with this energetic high, Stapleton goes deep into his blues side by finally releasing “You Should Probably Leave,” a song he has been sitting on for six years. This one feels just right to sway around the kitchen to. With each listen to “Starting Over” I find new lyrics to write down and remember, new sounds to love. 

Bad Bunny, YHLQMDLG

Bad Bunny. Our unproblematic reggaeton prince. In the wake of his many popular features and his collaborative album with J Balvin, Bad Bunny makes it clear that it is time for Balvin to share the throne of popular reggaeton. He features the original reggaeton king Daddy Yankee in “La Santa,” paying tribute to the very classic reggaeton style before mixing it and transcending beyond the classics in the following tracks. “Yo Perreo Sola” is the album’s standout track, accompanied by my favorite music video of 2020. The song is an ode to gender equality and the destruction of the patriarchal norms contributing to gender-based violence. “Yo Perreo Sola,” meaning “I twerk alone,” sets the overarching theme of consent present throughout the song’s lyrics. In the video, Benito’s backdrop references the Argentinian-born “Ni Una Menos” movement, a now global movement against gender-based violence. As if this wasn’t enough to make you adore him, the video further extends its activism to the LGBTQ community, with Benito appearing in full drag, in his normal attire, and at some points held in chains by women. He makes a statement about sexuality and gender expression in the video, twerking solo. The other jawdropper track on YHLQMDLG is Safaera, a perfect display of Bad Bunny’s skill in expanding the scope of reggaeton as a genre. In the same thirty seconds of the song, he subtly samples both “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley and the Wailers and Missy Elliot’s “Get Ya Freak On” - a segment I just can’t get out of my head. Bad Bunny’s prowess on this record is rounded out with the aggressive and prideful “P FKN R.” What a masterpiece. 

Mac Miller, Circles 

A posthumous record that never should have been posthumous. A companion-piece to Mac’s 2018 record “Swimming,” Circles takes a similar tone, one of resilience through pain. The title track serves as a somber introduction, followed by the funk energy of “Complicated” and the GO:OD AM energy of “Blue World.” The song that really got to me, and many other fans of Mac, was “Good News.” It is the pinnacle of Mac’s musical insight and talent. The melody matches the melancholy of the track, as Mac sings of his desire for time and space. The melancholy is matched in “Everybody” with the lines about death feeling particularly haunting in the wake of Miller’s accidental overdose. Somehow, Miller wrote the perfect eulogy for himself prior to his passing, one that will live in the hearts of his fans forever. 

Kali Uchis, Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios) ∞

I’m not quite sure what to call this record. If I just listened to “la luna enamorada,” a cover of a classic Cuban bolero, I would call it gorgeous. If I just listened to “fue mejor” featuring PARTYNEXTDOOR or “quiero sentirme bien,” I would call it sexy. If I just listened to “vaya con dios,” I would think she wrote the theme music for the next James Bond film. The bottom line of the record is Uchis’ absolute stunning use of her upper register. She hits notes that “Isolation” never would have foreshadowed, painting a dreamland for any listener. She slides back into the energy of her sophomore album in “telepatia,” but adds in moments of her new sound. She incorporates a slower reggaeton beat into no eres tu (soy yo), and dives into a heavier reggaeton sound in te pongo mal (prendelo.) My personal favorite of the record is “aqui yo mando!” with Rico Nasty: it is the perfect display of Uchis’ unique upper register combined with Rico’s trap style. Anyone passing this record up for another “Isolation” listen is missing out. 

FLETCHER, The S(ex) Tapes

This record has a story like no other, coming from a woman like no other. This EP was recorded while Fletcher quarantined with her ex-girlfriend, who also happened to film all of the music videos for it. It is this messiness that makes The S(ex) Tapes absolute magic. Fletcher’s own description of the name of the release explains the situation best:  “A sex tape is someone being captured in their most vulnerable, wildest, rawest form, and my ex has always captured me that way.” She captures all of the feelings of a breakup with someone you still love deeply, and the relationship relapse that comes with moving past those feelings. Fletcher’s special ability comes in representing these deeply painful experiences in an uplifting manner: this is a sexy pop EP meant to be danced to. Fletcher simultaneously validates all of the emotional tumult, but subtly nudges the listener toward blissful reckless abandon. It almost makes me wish I had a breakup to go through! The abrasive apathy of “Shh… Don’t Say It” and the flippant, angry vulnerability of “Bitter” are paired perfectly with Fletcher’s raw brand of distortion. In an interview with Nylon, Fletcher speaks to this: “Listen, I've done my fair share of just straight-up sad, crying in your bed music. I'm still going through shit, but I want to bop to it. We can still be emo and want to twerk at the same time.” Yes, Fletcher, we do. 

Halsey, Manic   

Prior to 2020, I wasn’t Halsey’s biggest fan. I wouldn’t have even called myself a fan. I just wasn’t that excited by her music. “I’m Not Mad” was the song that triggered a 180 for me. The heavy, dissonant kick of the drums and her raw, angry lyricism drew me in without hesitation. I suppose this was just the push I needed to fall in love with the rest of her music: the songs with similar bite, “Without Me” and “killing boys,” and the more raw side of the record in “You should be sad,” “929,” and “Graveyard.” Her vulnerability is so much of what makes this record perfect. The album fully made sense to me when I listened to her podcast feature on “Armchair Expert” with Dax Shepard. In it, she talks through the time period covered by the record and gives context to her powerful lyricism. “Manic” is a story of chasing someone she loved into drug-fueled oblivion, and then finally finding the power to leave. The album is brimming with this power, and I just can’t turn it off. 

HAIM, Women In Music Pt. III

HAIM is THE soft rock band of the modern era.Women In Music Pt. III, their most mature album yet, solidified this opinion for me in a way that I didn’t expect. There is so much to be said for this record: it is innovative and skilled, with the perfect balance of softness and hardness. Though the record is one of pain and trauma, you wouldn’t know it purely from its melodies. “Don’t Wanna” is a very classic HAIM pop rock number, and “The Steps” follows suit making frustration fun to dance to. Though one may not notice at first, in this record HAIM dives deeper than ever before. “Now I’m In It” does a phenomenal job of sonically representing the feeling of being completely and utterly overwhelmed. “I Know Alone” is a beautifully intimate rainy-day account of Danielle’s struggle with depression. Then comes “3AM” - a lighthearted song about a booty call with Thundercat-type bass and an R&B vibe - just in case you didn’t already know how much range these three sisters have. Everything about this record is filled with talent. 

Phoebe Bridgers, Punisher

Only Phoebe Bridgers could write a song about murdering a skinhead and fill it with nostalgia. “Garden Song,” the leading single preceding “Punisher,” foreshadowed a record that is just so very Phoebe: melancholy, vulnerable, and heart-wrenching. The eagerly awaited album certainly followed suit, with typical sad ballads “Halloween” and “Moon Song” played alongside more raucous, Better Oblivion Community Center-esque songs such as “Kyoto” and “ICU.” She goes bluegrass on “Graceland Too” with banjo, violin, and layered harmonies from boygenius collaborators Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker. In “Punisher,” Bridgers shares with us the wistful catharsis that she is so very talented at creating.

Noah Cyrus, THE END OF EVERYTHING 

I always underestimated Miley’s little sister, but here I am writing about her EP before I write about Miley’s in my end of the year roundup. Every piece in this record gave me chills: Cyrus’ lower register allows her to access a somber kind of ballad that I just can’t get enough of. The record starts off at a peak with the slow burn of “Ghost” and somehow manages to get even better with “I Got So High That I Saw Jesus.” This powerful song, even better in the live version where Miley joins her younger sister, builds into an almost gospel-like ode to the idea that everything will be okay. “July,” the single featuring Leon Bridges that pushed Cyrus into the national spotlight, stands as the most beautifully layered song of the EP. The soft guitar picking and choral sound complement Cyrus’ upper register. The whole record, extending through the closing title track, is a comforting, soft emotional analgesic for 2020. 

The Chicks, Gaslighter

This record is gorgeous. It is painful. The feelings Natalie Maines expresses in this record are feelings I have felt far too deeply in personal relationships, and they also are feelings everyone is feeling globally in 2020. “Gaslighter” is just straight up fun, a perfect extension of the Chicks’ energy found in “Goodbye Earl” and other older revenge numbers (but with an extra poppy Jack Antonoff twist this time.) “Tights On My Boat” is bitter, funny, and shows off Maines’ upper register with stripped guitar. “Sleep at Night” musically and lyrically embodies the pain of being betrayed. “Julianna Calm Down” is a stunning ballad of female resilience. “Texas Man” perfectly captures the bubbly feeling of moving on. “For Her” and “March March” fit in with the frustrated, betrayed, power-centered theme of the record in a very different way. The Chicks’ dualistic ability to discuss her ex-husband’s cheating alongside the band’s political views is what makes the record special: not only are we watching a woman try to move on and develop her personal strength, but we are also seeing this personal strength harnessed for political impact. They simultaneously denounce the abuse of power in both politics and relationships, while reclaiming that power for themselves in standing up for what they believe in. How very Chicks of them. 

Dua Lipa, Future Nostalgia

Dua motherfucking Lipa. This woman would have been the official owner of 2020 had we been able to dance to this record at bars and clubs. This was proven ten times over by the success of the album’s first single, “Don’t Start Now,” a song that is absolutely the MOST fun. Or so I thought… until I heard “Physical,” “Levitating,” and “Break My Heart.” What poor timing for such a phenomenal dance record, but at least she gave the people some great material for Tik Tok dances! All COVID-dance-related concerns aside, this is a really well done sophomore album for Dua Lipa. The funk elements of the album most clearly seen in “Levitating” elevate Dua’s brand of pop to a new level. The all gas no brakes nature of this dance-pop record works wonders for her - she knows what the people want from her, and she delivers. 

Megan Thee Stallion, Good News

THIS! RECORD! If WAP could be an album of the year, it would be, but it’s a standalone single and Megan Thee Stallion proceeded to release the next best thing. The explosion of Megan Thee Stallion has been a pleasure to watch in 2020, with both WAP and Savage leaving the charge. With an artist like her, it’s easy to get lost in the smash hits and ignore the prolific nature of her work. “Good News” is an immaculate rap album, brimming with sass and defiant bad bitch energy. “Shots Fired” kicks off the album with a Biggie sample and a diss to the man who shot her in the foot earlier in the year, personally my favorite track of the record. Other highlights of the record include “Don’t Stop” with a Young Thug feature, “Body” which is now a Tik Tok staple, and “What’s New.” Perhaps the most impressive work Megan does on “Good News” is “Girls in the Hood,” a rework of Eazy-E’s Boyz-N-The-Hood. She inverts the classic misogyny of the original song by emphasizing her control over men like Eazy-E in an indignant assertion of female power. This embodies Megan Thee Stallion’s essence: busting in on a male industry and making her presence known.

Rico Nasty, Nightmare Vacation

Nobody does it like Rico Nasty, and I’m convinced nobody ever will. I saw a New York Times headline titled “Can the Mainstream Catch Up to Rico Nasty?” the other day and I think the answer is a firm no. Rico is abrasive, rude, and outside the box in the absolute best way. Need an album to slap in the car when you’re feeling like a bad bitch? This. is. it. The record kicks off with “Candy,” a song with a wild beat and the iconic chorus line “Call me crazy, but you can never call me broke.” Following is a Don Toliver and Gucci Mane feature in “Don’t Like Me,” a song that truly should have hit the mainstream by now. She gets back to her signature scream-rap in “STFU” and “OHFR.” “OHFR” is the confident standout of the album, along with the reworked re-release of “Smack a Bitch,” making it clear that Rico Nasty is not a woman to be fucked with. In “Back and Forth” with Amine, Rico steps into Amine’s “Limbo” style and does it well. The record’s second single “Own It” is a more classic club banger that unfortunately didn’t get to see the dark of night in any clubs this year. Even if the mainstream never catches up to Rico Nasty, I’ll be following along with her self-labelled “sugar trap.” 

Ariana Grande, Positions

I mean, duh. Ariana just doesn’t miss. She surprised everyone with this album’s release in Fall 2020, displaying the bliss of her relationship with later-confirmed fiance. She goes dirtier than usual in the sex-centered “34+35” and “nasty,” rounding the record out with the Craig David-reminiscent “positions.” Ariana allows herself to lust for someone and even love for them in these three, but defaults to her brimming self-confidence in “just like magic” and “west side.” The album is more R&B than pop at times, with the peak of this style visible in the groove of “my hair” and the Mariah Carey ballad-like nature of “pov.” Each album, Grande shifts just a little bit, keeping us attached: “Sweetener”’s cotton-candy pop, the savage pop-trap of “thank u, next,” and the R&B conclusion of the spectrum with Positions. 

Miley Cyrus, Plastic Hearts 

This year I anticipated no record more than I did “Plastic Hearts.” Its leading single, “Midnight Sky,” described by Pitchfork as a “cocaine-dusted disco track,” channels Stevie Nicks’ eighties rock-pop era in the absolute best way. Apparently this opinion was even picked up by Stevie herself, as the two collaborated on a mash-up of “Midnight Sky” and Stevie’s “Edge of Seventeen” (the excitement from which nearly led to my passing away, by the way.) Cyrus’ voice is in the perfect place on this record, with “Plastic Hearts” emphasizing her rasp and making me want to spin around a room. She dips into the pop realm in “Prisoner” with Dua Lipa, a song that Lipa clearly influences with an unforgettably sexy music video. Every song is different on this record: “Gimme What I Want” channels the grinding rock sound of Nine Inch Nails, “Bad Karma” allows Joan Jett’s punchy style to run the show, and she slips on the shoes of Billy Idol in their collaboration, Night Crawling. Somehow, Miley manages to wear the shoes well, and 80s copycat record or not, I can’t stop listening. “Never Be Me” is where she shines most deeply, baring her soul, the complicated nature of her past few years’ journey, and her knowledge of who she is and always will be for the world to hear. I’m not sure if I’m blinded to the album’s flaws by my absolute and complete love for everything about Miley’s current persona, but I am a huge fan. 

Glass Animals, Dreamland

The sound of this album is such a blissful respite! Glass Animals gives us the fun and funky techno-pop that they always do, but dive into personal lyricism in a way that they never have before. Many of the songs actually have a storyline (an intentionally rare feat for Dave Bayley, first broken with the incredible “Agnes” on their last album.) This record explores trauma and pain in “Domestic Bliss” and “It’s All So Incredibly Loud,” Bayley using the soft sides of his voice to express pained desperation. The boisterous energy of the past two records is not forgotten in Dreamland’s intimacy, however: “Hot Sugar,” “Tokyo Drifting,” and “Space Ghost Coast To Coast” do the trick. “Space Ghost Coast To Coast” is the most intriguing song on the record: at first listen, I had absolutely no idea what Dave was discussing and assumed it was just his typical neuroscience-inspired ear-candy. Upon a deeper dive, the song addresses the factors that encouraged Dave’s childhood friend to bring a gun to school. He disguises a discussion of the risk factors involved in school shootings within his flowery, figurative linguistic excellence. This duality of blissful melody and solemn subject matter is the magic of Glass Animals. 

Empress Of, I’m Your Empress Of 

This album is an emotional electro-pop masterpiece. This record meditates on the feelings felt in the wake of a relationship’s end. She begins the album with a quote from her mother about the reality and value of struggle, then launching into a synth-filled storm of missing someone. “Love Is A Drug” is the album’s next fun dance track, addressing the addictive quality of touch after you lose someone you love and embodying the urgency of the feeling. She takes a more somber tone with the influence of Jim-E Stack in “U Give It Up,” incorporating quotes from her mother about the difficulty of womanhood and reminiscing on love lost. In “Should’ve,” the post-relationship regret is palpable in her vocal tone and production, and in “Maybe This Time” she contemplates this pain. In “Give Me Another Chance,” her emotions swing the other way, with a bouncing dance beat and pleading vocals. The album concludes with the heartfelt and pain-filled “Hold Me Like Water” and the dissonant “Awful,” leaving the listener to meditate on the mood swings of a broken relationship. 

Tame Impala, The Slow Rush 

This album came out so early in 2020 that it already feels like a vintage piece of music. Perhaps that was the point. Although “The Slow Rush” had a hard time living up to Kevin Parker’s last epic masterpiece “Currents,” it was the fix many fans like myself needed after five years without an LP. “Borderline,” the single that allowed anticipation of the album to build, stands out as one of the most essentially Parker tracks of the record. He introduces a little Toro y Moi style funk in “Is It True,” and highlights his voice more than usual in “Lost In Yesterday.” “Posthumous Forgiveness” builds in the wonderfully dissonant fashion that fans learned to love through “Eventually.” The bass track on “Glimmer” is so good that I never even noticed it had nearly no lyrics. This record is not groundbreaking by any standards in the way that “Currents” was, but it is intentionally jubilant and energetic in a way that still feels good. Even if he doesn’t shatter any expectations in “The Slow Rush,” Tame Impala’s tracklist still makes the perfect sunset companion. 

Joji, Nectar

Joji’s “Nectar” is just that: sweet R&B nectar, from the minute the first track plays. Joji’s work here is not in the individual tracks, but in the sonic experience he creates with the album as a whole. This is not an album to pick out singles from: it is a full cinematic mood adjustment. Maybe it’s the weed I smoked when I first listened, but the record feels like a wonderful progression of gentle yet rhythmic R&B songs. The transition from the soft and contemplative “MODUS” to the more upbeat trap-infused “Tick Tock” to the full R&B ballad “Daylight” featuring Diplo raises the listener’s energy gradually to a crescendo. “Run” is a gorgeous and sad confessional of disappointment, and “Sanctuary” follows as a soft and uplifting analgesic to that pain. “Pretty Boy” and “777” mark the more upbeat section of the record, filled with Joji’s accounts of living far too fast. The tracks of this record all bleed into each other seamlessly, mixing pain and confidence in an emotional rollercoaster.

Amine, Limbo

My journey to being an Amine fan started with “Caroline,” ended with “Heebiejeebies,” and started back up again when he found depth in “ONEPOINTFIVE.” His 2020 release is exactly why I came around to his music yet again. The record is soulful and fun, with the flute and cocky lyrics in “Woodlawn” and the funky beat and Young Thug feature of “Compensating.” The two songs I absolutely can’t stop listening to however, are “Can’t Decide” and “Becky.” “Can’t Decide” highlights Amine’s singing voice and dips away from rap and trap into the more traditional R&B realm. “Becky” is an intimate account of the difficulties involved with interracial dating, both in public and in the family realm. The two sides of the album, one emphasizing rhythm and immaculate production, and the other lyricism and emotion, are found in these two songs. The punchy “Pressure In My Palms” (featuring slowthai and Vince Staples) and “Riri” round out the record’s light side. In “Limbo,” Amine finds the perfect balance. 

Fleet Foxes, Shore

This album is a wave of calm. Robin Pecknold’s soothing voice is exactly what we needed more of this year. Pitchfork described his mission as “turning anxiety into euphoria,” and that is how this record feels. Each song is dynamic and filled with what makes Fleet Foxes so special. There is a choral quality to the vocals of “Shore,” as always, adding to the calm aura of the record. “A Long Way Past The Past” takes the listener on a what feels like a long walk filled with serious conversation. “Going-to-the-Sun Road,” a song that takes its name from the famous cliffside road through Glacier National Park, oozes sunshine in its Tame Impala-Bon Iver crossover sound. “Cradling Mother, Cradling Woman,” truly feels like being cradled in sound. Fleet Foxes has a knack for beginning songs by hitting the listener with a wall of sound, and that is so perfectly represented in this track. This is a seriously beautiful album. 

Cam, The Otherside

Cam’s voice is irresistible. She showed her talent for sharing painful ballads in her breakthrough single “Burning House,” and in “The Otherside” she digs deeper. She writes this record in a period of change, and captures this change and dissonance in the nostalgia of “Redwood Tree.” She teamed up with Avicii for the title track before he passed away, and it shows. His signature building melodies and guitar breaks are clear, and they go perfectly with the range of Cam’s voice. She truly shows her range in this track and this record in general, from the highs in “The Otherside” and the lows of “Changes.” “Changes” is another standout of the album, co-written by Harry Styles. This record is a gorgeous account of outgrowing love and outgrowing people after the deep bliss that you felt with them in the past. “Till There’s Nothing Left” and “Classic” are the big love songs of the record, one that melts you and one that makes you want to dance in a field of flowers. The sisterly confessional “Diane” pulls Cam back to her country roots. She ends the record with what made her famous: a beautiful, sad ballad backed only by piano. Her unique vocals are on full display as the record concludes, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. 

Omar Apollo, Apolonio

Omar Apollo had his breakthrough in this record. His work spans languages and genres in a big way in “Apolonio.” “Kamikaze” and “Staybacik” stick to his typical R&B style, better produced than it ever has been. “Dos Uno Nueve (219)” goes a completely different direction, a Mexican corrido track featuring Yellow Room Music, honoring the Latinx musical styles that he expressed admiration for. Apollo also explores his sexuality in this album, fluidly discussing his bisexuality in “Kamikaze” and “I’m Amazing” in an exploratory manner. The whole album is generally quite exploratory, a quality that makes me even more excited for the work that is to come from Apollo. 

Also worth mentioning: 

Diplo, Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley: Snake Oil

Thundercat, It Is What It Is

Sylvan Esso, Free Love

Lauv, ~how i’m feeling~

Niall Horan, Heartbreak Weather 

J Balvin, Colores 

Kelsea Ballerini, kelsea 

Dominic Fike, What Could Possibly Go Wrong

[sinceileftyoublog]

Newport Folk Festival: 7/26-7/28

Brandi Carlile and Dolly Parton sing “I Will Always Love You”

BY MICHAEL KINGSBAKER

Another Newport Folk Festival has come and gone, and yes, it still is the greatest music festival in the world, and it is still my favorite weekend of the year. This year, for the first time in its 60-year history, the festival had an all female-led Saturday night headliner, arguably had its two biggest appearances to date, covered an entire masterpiece album, premiered the biggest female country supergroup ever, and finally found the heir apparent to Pete Seeger on what would be his 100th birth year.

After Pete Seeger passed away in 2014, a gaping hole was left at the Newport Folk Festival. Seeger had been around the festival since its inception, and while festival producer Jay Sweet has captained the ship incredibly since taking over in 2008, the question has remained: Who would hold the seat that Seeger did for years? The musical ambassador of the people and of the music of the Newport Folk Festival? That question was answered loud and clear this year, as Brandi Carlile cemented her rightful seat. Last year was a precursor, when she performed from her Grammy Award-winning album By the Way, I Forgive You and guest performed with Mumford and Sons and during the Change is Gonna Come set. This year, she got handed the keys to the car and packed a Saturday night headlining slot full of talent from the past and present, culminating in a 5-song set from none other than Dolly Parton. Now, Jay Sweet has pulled some pretty big acts during his 12 years on the festival, but he didn’t pull Dolly--Brandi did! She also premiered her new country super group The Highwomen, an all-female answer to The Highwaymen. The former’s reworking of the latter’s namesake song absolutely took my breath away (and was just released), and then Carlile closed out her weekend singing Pete Seeger's classic song "If I Had a Hammer" with Alynda Segarra from Hurray For The Riff Raff.

Overall, this year’s festival was fiercely female, showcasing talents from multiple generations from Parton and Judy Collins, Sheryl Crow, and Linda Perry to Carlile, Rhiannon Giddens, Maggie Rogers, and Yola. The collaboration sets, which really gained steam with the Dylan 65' Revisited set 3 years ago, continued this year and actually tripled, with the Saturday night All-Female Collaboration, along with a last minute addition of a complete cover of Graham Nash's "Song for Beginners" led by Kyle Craft with an all-star cast of Newport favorites. Finally, on Sunday, Pete Seeger was celebrated with set entitled "If I Had a Song" where audiences were given song books with which to sing along. It opened with Jim James singing “The Rainbow Connection” with perhaps the second biggest star to ever appear at the Newport Folk Festival in Kermit the Frog. I was also pleased to see that Our Native Daughters were asked to participate in the Seeger Celebration, singing the Seeger tune "If You Miss Me at The Back of The Bus" and joining Mavis Staples and Hozier for "Keep Your Eyes on The Prize". Two years ago, for the SPEAK OUT set at Newport (intended to be a platform for artists to speak out about issues of our times), I was critical of the set’s lack of diversity. I noted that both Rhiannon Giddens and Alynda Segarra gave the most topical and stirring performances of that festival but were absent at that finale. Well, this year, they both hit the stage and had their voices heard with songs of protest to make up for lost time.

It's good to know this incredible festival is in good hands and has its ears open. I'm already looking forward to next July. Until then, here's a few photos to pass the time.

Newport is always a place to make discoveries. Saturday morning, the audience was woken up to the raucous duo of Illiterate Light.

Liz Cooper & The Stampede bent over backwards (literally) to electrify the audience at the Quad on Friday with their psychedelic soundscape.

Recent Tony Award winner Anais Mitchell and The Milk Carton Kids at The Harbor Stage, singing Graham Nash's "Simple Man" as part of the Songs for Beginners set.

After a last minute dropout from Noname due to illness, Festival producer Jay Sweet was left with a hole at the Harbor Stage on Saturday. After tweeting about the brilliance of Graham Nash's album Songs for Beginners and the responses it garnered, an idea sparked. A supergroup of Newport faithful led by Kyle Craft, including Hiss Golden Messenger, Lake Street Dive, Amy Ray, The Tallest Man on Earth, and more played the album from start to end. I think we may have just started a new Newport tradition--might I suggest Neil Young's Harvest next year?

Lukas Nelson and The Promise of The Real rocked the Quad Stage on Friday, closing the set with a rendition of Neil Young's "Rockin’ in the Free World" but slowed things down with reminders to Turn Off the News (Build a Garden), and song about an ex named Georgia that made performing with his father singing "Georgia On My Mind" every night a little tricky.

British singer-songwriter Yola was everywhere at the Newport Folk Festival, performing her own set at the Harbor stage as well as at the Quad with both The Highwomen and Dawes. Here, she takes the stage at the Fort during The Collaboration with the First Ladies of Bluegrass covering The Eurythmics’ "Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves".

After appearing last year as a guest to Mumford & Sons and others, this year, Maggie Rogers got the Fort stage all to herself to dance in and out of her sound equipment and share her debut album Heard It in a Past Life with Newport.

Every year, there's an act that brings Quad to its feet and doesn't let them sit back down. This year, Jupiter & Okwess invited everyone to fill in the fire lanes, and a 45-minute dance party ensued, capping off with a collaboration with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band.

Phosporescent returned to the Quad stage with hypnotic grooves and chill vibes, keeping all the heads bobbing inside the old fort.

I'm With Her returned, bringing their sweet blend of harmonies bridging old-time music to the present, including covers of The Vampire Weekend and Joni Mitchell.

This year was all about the women, and the fellas came to support. Jason Isbell, who generally headlines festivals like these, wasn't even given a microphone. Here, Amanda Shires (who happens to be his wife) allows him to share a few thoughts as they introduced a song they co-wrote, "If She Ever Leaves Me", dubbed the first gay country song, which was sung moments later by Brandi Carlile.

Each year, the festival producer comes out to the early birds waiting for the gates to open to welcome them back and remind them to BE PRESENT, BE KIND, BE OPEN, and BE TOGETHER. There isn't a place in the world that's easier to do those four things.

It's always fun to see what surprise guests will show up to the festival that aren't officially listed. This year’s guests included Jim James, Kermit The Frog, Dolly Parton, James Taylor...you know that this list might end up being bigger than the actual lineup. Here's surprise guest Tallest Man on Earth, who joined both the Songs for Beginners set as well as The Cooks in the Kitchen.

Hozier returned for his 3rd appearance, singing a duet with Mavis Staples for their song "Nina Cried Power". He also gave over the stage to Brandi Carlile during his set for her to sing her hit “The Joke”. Here, he joins with Lake Street Dive for a cover of Sly & The Family Stone’s "Everyday People".

Jade Bird had her own solo set at The Fort stage but joined in on The Collaboration, seen here singing "What's Up" with Linda Perry and Brandi Carlile.

Phil Cook has become a regular staple at the festival. His love and respect for the musicians and the music played at the festival has endeared himself to both fans and musicians alike. For his set, Cooks in the Kitchen, Phil, who always seems up for a collaboration, was joined by his brother Brad as well as Tallest Man on The Earth’s Kristian Matsson, Amy Ray of The Indigo Girls, and Anais Mitchell.

Molly Tuttle, who had her own set with guitarist Billy Strings, joined The First Ladies of Bluegrass, Courtney Marie Andrews, and others for a cover of “Big Yellow Taxi” at the Collaboration Set Saturday.

Just a man, his guitar, and a huge open stage. Jeff Tweedy charmed the audience at the Fort on Saturday claiming he wanted to "hug you with his sad shit."

Rhiannon Giddens returned to the Newport Folk Festival with the most powerful and gut-wrenching set of the festival, joined by Amythyst Kiah, Leyla McCalla, and Allison Russell to form the group Our Native Daughters, singing songs addressing American historical issues that have influenced the identity of black women. This marked only their 6th live performance, performing in Connecticut a week earlier for the first time. Emotions were overflowing both on stage and in the audience, as each artist (each of whom played multiple instruments) took turns singing songs of sorrow, hope, anger, and joy. It was an experience like no other at the festival.

Linda Perry leading a sing along of "What's Up" at The Collaboration, asking the audience to sing so high, "I wanna touch the fucking stars!" Later, she was on Facebook Live for the introduction of Dolly Parton.

There was a bit of a 90's renaissance at this year’s festival with appearances from Amy Ray, Linda Perry, and former Sleater-Kinney drummer Janet Weiss. Sheryl Crow, who had her own set at the Fort on Friday and later joined The Highwomen that day at the Quad, got in on the fun at The Collaboration on Saturday, performing "If It Makes You Happy" with Maren Morris and "Strong Enough" with Maggie Rogers and Yola.

Newport always does a great job of honoring those who led the way. This year, we saw Judy Collins hit many stages and share stories about a young Bob Dylan writing “Mr. Tambourine Man” on her porch, as well as recalling Stephen Stills singing her "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes", to which she replied "It's a good song, but it won't get me back." Here, she shares the story of a friend discovering Joni Mitchell and bringing her "Both Sides Now", which was sung moments later with Brandi Carlile.

Couples take in the If I Had A Song set at sunset on Sunday, which included a duet from Kermit the Frog and Jim James as well as a serenade to Judy Collins from Robin Pecknold (Fleet Foxes), Eric D. Johnson (Fruit Bats), and James Mercer (The Shins), singing “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”.

Newport Folk Festival marked the inaugural performance of The Highwomen. Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Amanda Shires, and Natalie Hemby, here joined by Yola, opened their set to a powerful reworking of “The Highwaymen”, made famous by Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash. The Highwomen’s version, written by Carlile, Shires, and Jimmy Webb (the original songwriter) honors the stories of courageous female revolutionaries and includes an additional 5th verse:

  "We are The Highwomen / Singing stories still untold / We carry the sons, you can only hold / We are the daughters of the silent generations / You sent our hearts to die alone in foreign nations / It may return to us as tiny drops of rain / But we will still remain.”

A stage full of Newport Folk ladies, including Brandi Carlile, Rachael Price, Maggie Rogers, and Sheryl Crow, bow down to the one and only Dolly Parton. I've seen Roger Waters, Jack White, My Morning Jacket, Jackson Browne, Beck, Levon Helm, and Mumford & Sons headline the Festival. This was the biggest of all the Saturday night headliners.

[independentartistbuzz]

7 FROM THE WOMEN: LIZA GRABOWSKI FROM THE NORMAL LIVING

7 From The Women is a segment here on Independent Artist Buzz where we ask some of the industries finest seven questions. During this time of accusations and the lack thereof, we think it’s important to give women a voice. We chose to ask seven questions to honor the seven Wiccan clans.

Liza Grabowski is a vocalist and guitarist in one of our favorite bands, The Normal Living. From NJ on the edges of NYC, the band blends urban ideas and images with rock and roll, Americana, and folk-rock sounds, while summoning the fun of pop. With singer-songwriter roots and bar-band beginnings, their influences are eclectic, ranging from Carole King, Springsteen, and U2 to the Killers, Arcade Fire, Jenny Lewis, and Neko Case, from Fleetwood Mac, and Heart to Patty Griffin and the Dixie Chicks, helping to carry on the story of American rock and roll songwriting in the millennial age.

What have you been working to promote lately?

First of all, thank you so much for having me for this interview! I love what your site does for independent musicians, and I love how this series features and supports women artists.

Right now, my band (The Normal Living) is about to release some tracks that I’m really proud of as a woman, as a thirty-something, and as an independent artist. The first single from this new record is called “How It All Went Down,” releasing on Oct. 25. This song is really special to us. It was a full collaborative effort in writing, arranging, and eventually producing this track (with producer Chris Badami of Portrait Recordings in NJ). It’s a powerful, up-tempo song, with a big rock sound, driving guitars, beautiful piano, and female vocals and harmonies. It’s told in part from the perspective of a mother, and it’s mostly a portrait of a family after a crisis, and how you move on from that. The song kind of builds emotionally, with sort of a cathartic release at the end, when the floodgates open and you can finally attempt to deal with unfathomable grief you’ve held inside for so long, for years and years maybe. Motherhood was central to me emotionally while writing it—my favorite line in the song is “Holding up to the light everything that I taught her”—but it’s also broader than that. It’s really about how any community struggles to come to terms with trauma, loss, and grief. As a band, with this new set of songs that we’ve been working on, we’re trying to explore themes of storytelling, narrative, and memory.

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded, or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

I think if I had to pick one song that was my favorite song by a woman, I think I might go to Carole King’s “Natural Woman” for that. I remember my mom and dad bought Tapestry for me for my birthday when we first got a CD player. I’m pretty sure it was 1987, because they also bought me True Blue, Tiffany, and Out of the Blue at the same time. And I guess I was a little bit young for the themes, but I remember just loving it. Not in the same way I loved True Blue—which also felt grown up to me, but in a more salacious, edgy way—with Tapestry, I loved it the way you love an old doll or a cozy bed. I loved her raw vulnerable voice—and I remember that it stirred something in me about womanhood that the pop music of the day wasn’t doing in the same way. When I listened to Tapestry for the first time, I already knew the Aretha version of “Natural Woman.” But King’s vocal on that song, on the album, just sort of blew my mind in a way. It was the first time I realized that a “song” was not equivalent to the recording of a song—that a song is this living breathing thing that could be a vehicle for extremely personal intimacy. Even though I knew the lyrics and the melody already from the Aretha version, when I listened to King sing it, I felt like I was hearing something so brand new. Both versions are so amazing; that’s what I think was so mind-blowing to me at the time.

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today, and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

I do—more so now as a mother, I think. My daughter is 4, and as a writer and a singer, I think about her all the time. What do I want for her, and what would I tell myself if I was 4 again? To every woman, young or middle aged or older, I feel a responsibility—both in my songwriting and in my own persona—to represent women as strong and empowered. But I also think it’s really important to show women characters as vulnerable and flawed and real. Maybe some days you feel like a queen, but maybe other days you feel hopeless and messy and frazzled. It’s ok. It’s ok to feel both and inhabit both spaces. You’re a real person with real feelings, and you’re not made to be looked at or objectified—you have agency and emotions and ideas that have value. I think that being a woman artist, you do have to step back sometimes to be aware of all the crap we’ve internalized from growing up in a patriarchal society. There’s one song of mine that always triggers a self-reflexive feminist critique. It’s called “Time Out, New York,” from our first EP, Less Radio. On the surface, it’s very much a portrait of a woman sitting on the sidelines, cheering on her boyfriend on stage from the back of the bar. But when I perform it now, I try to be wry and sort of ironically meta about it, knowing that I’m the one on stage singing the song. From the song’s inception, I have always imagined doing a video in which the gender roles are reversed, depicting a woman on stage, singing about a man on stage, while her partner watches her from the bar. I also sometimes imagine queering it a bit and changing the lyrics to be a woman singing about another woman. I’m not sure if I’m trying to salvage a not-so-feminist lyric that I’m a little self-conscious about, or if there are really genuine layers of irony in the song about a male performer, viewed through a female gaze, that’s written and performed by a woman. (I’m hoping it’s the latter!) In any case, yes, it’s something I’m always thinking about, and growing as an artist as I grow as a human being navigating adulthood.

What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

Honestly, I think sometimes just being onstage in and of itself as a woman musician is one of the most personal things to share. It makes you vulnerable and takes courage, especially if you don’t fit the traditional mold of a pop star or a rock star or a celebrity. I consciously battle my insecurities about my body, my age, how I look, and how I sound every single time I go on a stage or in front of a camera. I try to remember what’s important as an artist is being brave and doing the things that scare you, to put your art out into the world, to tell stories, even if you have to go out of your comfort zone to do that.

What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

I’m trying to think back on my musical journey as a child, because I have been alive to witness four decades of music. And I watched MTV from the very beginning, so music videos and images of rock and pop stars were extremely foregrounded for me. I also was fortunate to be raised by music lovers, so I was introduced to a lot of previous decades of rock and pop as well as a child. This is a long and rambling way of saying that I’ve had a ton of female musical influences from all different eras and genres. As a young child, I remember Stevie Nicks, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Heart, The Bangles, The GoGos, Pat Benatar, Patty Smyth, and Debbie Gibson—all of those women were on my horizon when I was a kid from MTV and the radio. From my parents, I was exposed to Carole King, Patti Smith, Joni Mitchell, and 60s girl groups—my mom was a huge fan of the Supremes, and so we listened to a lot of those records.

MTV was really huge in my house in the 80s. I remember singing “Stand Back” by Stevie Nicks with my sister. I remember dancing to Laura Branigan and Whitney Houston songs, belting out “Gloria” and performing “The Greatest Love of All” in my second-grade talent show with a Fisher Price microphone. I embraced all kinds of genres and styles as a child. I just loved the female voice having such a platform, giving representation to women. I obviously didn’t process it in those terms at the time, but I think looking back, that’s exactly what it was that resonated with me. Then as I moved into adolescence, really the 2 biggest influences for me as a musician were Alanis Morrisette and The Dixie Chicks. I just felt that they were writing and playing and performing in ways that broke boundaries for women. Then into my 20s—Jewel was huge for me. I remember really connecting with her story about how she was down to her last dime and playing in cafes and on sidewalks, and I was so inspired by that tenacity. I also really connected with some American folk singer-songwriters at the time too. I was obsessed with Patty Griffin; I discovered her mainly through the Dixie Chicks and just started listening to everything I could of hers. And then I realized that she had done a cover of “Stolen Car” by Bruce Springsteen, who was my favorite artist growing up, and when I heard Patty’s version of it, I just kinda melted into a puddle. I just thought it was so gorgeous, and her take on it from a female perspective just took me to another place. The other person was influential for me in my 20s was Dar Williams; she truly influenced my songwriting in terms of telling stories and also just writing an album that’s cohesive and meaningful. Sheryl Crow was huge for me as a rock vocalist. I think I sang Leaving Las Vegas hundreds of times in my dorm room as a college student, trying to get it perfect and trying to get that mournful but strong rock vocal. Now in this decade, I am really looking to women like Brandi Carlile, Elle King, and Grace Potter as examples of women who are keeping rock alive.  

Who was the first female artist you saw that made you want to create music / be in the business?

The first concert I ever saw was Debbie Gibson when I was six, I believe—or maybe eight, I think, because it was actually the Electric Youth tour that I saw, so maybe I was eight or nine. I had basically memorized Out of the Blue, and then Electric Youth was also a smash for me too. I remember reading articles about her and being so motivated that she arranged, wrote, produced, and performed all of her songs. I said, I want to be like that. I want to DO that. So my sister and brother and I had this black-and-white composition notebook when we were little, and we used to write songs in it. We’d have songwriting sessions where we would write lyrics and jot notes down about the instrumental arrangements, and then we’d perform them for our parents and grandparents. That was one of the earliest times I can remember getting into what it means to produce a song or think about the structure of a song.

If you could form an all-woman super-group who would play in it?

I love this question, because I’m really loving The Highwomen album that came out in September; it’s just so beautiful and all of the women are such powerful energies. I think in my fantasy world, my all-woman super-group would be Elle King, Miranda Lambert, Natalie Maines, and of course me.

Connect with Liza and The Normal Living online via:

https://www.facebook.com/thenormalliving/

https://www.instagram.com/the_normal_living/

https://twitter.com/thenormalliving

https://soundcloud.com/thenormalliving

https://www.youtube.com/user/lmz27

https://www.bandsintown.com/a/2970646-the-normal-living

https://www.songkick.com/artists/6404764-normal-living

https://open.spotify.com/artist/4ftWbprw62ADY9lchhlITg?si=UvY74t_XQj2VnjWvZ3lufQ

https://music.apple.com/us/artist/the-normal-living/592223705

[uhuraisgay]

@whatisthiswitchcraft told me to overshare on the internet and i said Yes. 

nicknames: the only one that i ever let stick is em!!!! 

zodiac sign: taurus

hogwarts house: a ravenclaw with very low executive function or a hufflepuff that likes to read

last thing I googled: “medal of honor winners 1915″ (research for a work thing)

height: 5′7″

favorite musicians: Guh bad question. hozier. anais mitchell. bruce springsteen carly rae florence brandi carlile fleetwood mac i dont know im a little folk rock 70s demon

song stuck in your head: fuck me ray bradbury the greatest sci fi writer in HISTORY oh fuuuuckkk meeeeeee.....RAY BRADBURY

following: i would have to 

followers: open another tab to check this and i dont want to

do you get asks: no but my beautiful friends send me posts in the newfangled tumblr dms

amount of sleep: ideally 8 realistically like 6

lucky number: 14

what you’re wearing: my pjs aka running shorts and a t shirt

dream job: a la aziraphale good omens, i am able to run a used book store while turning exactly 0 dollars of profit. Surprise! the book store is my library you are actually just standing among piles of my books. another option is taking over my grandparent’s farm but i would have to really get in their good books for them to give it to me. a THIRD option is being a bestselling author but i feel like if that happened children on the internet would call my lesbian characters asexual beans and i would have to k*ll myself and unpublish my books so bestselling author but no one on tumblr does anything with my content that i don’t verbally approve of

dream trip: back to ireland, i would like to go drown in a bog of some kind and then hozier can write songs about me

instrument: i scammed my elementary school band teacher into thinking i could play the flute but i can’t

languages: english and vaguely fluent in french after my French Hell Year. can remember high school spanish if pressed. would not like to be pressed

favorite songs: this is an extremely mean question and i don’t like it. all shook up by elvis presley, no plan by hozier, say you love me by fleetwood mac, last night on earth by green day, ship to wreck and lover to lover by florence, why do i keep counting? by the killers, folkin’ around by panic at the disco, the boxer by simon & garfunkel, BORN TO RUN BY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN which is in caps because i listened to it five minutes ago and i was reminded how feral it makes me feel TOGETHER WENDY WE CAN LIVE WITH THE SADNESS I’LL LOVE YOU WITH ALL THE MADNESS IN MY SOUULL

random fact: its so humid here that i literally feel like i’m in hell

[jimkirkachu]

Tag game

I was tagged by @beauty-grace-outer-space last week, but haven’t been on the desktop site since then, so apologies for the delay!

Star sign: Libra (tail end; my due date would have made me a Scorpio)

Put your songs on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

“Old Brown Shoe” - The Beatles

“Everything’s Alright” - Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack (original London cast recording)

“Up Around the Bend” - Creedence Clearwater Revival

“Just Kids” - Brandi Carlile

Grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what line is 17?

     ing collage of warped metallic forms that appeared to

[Origin, Dan Brown]

Ever had a poem written about you?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA are you kidding?!? 🤣🤣🤣 (a.k.a. no, not a chance)

When was the last time you played the air guitar?

Something like nine hours ago (”We Will Rock You” is irresistible, you know... even out in public)

One sound you hate and one you love:

I hate the sound of long fingernails drumming on a desk, and I’m not a fan of the high-pitched buzzing fuzz-type noise that a TV makes just by being switched on. *cringe*

One of my favorite sounds in the whole wide world, though, is basically any version of the Star Trek opening fanfare... like, four little woodwind+mallet perc notes, and/or that iconic 10-note trumpet line and you just KNOW you’re in the Trekverse. I also will frequently play the TOS bridge sound effects as I work, write, sleep, etc. because I am a geek and I find the little viewscreen chirps and the boatswain’s whistle and the whoosh of the turbolift door oddly soothing/comforting.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes

Do you believe in aliens?

Yes

Do you drive and if so have you gotten in a crash?

I do drive, and I have been in multiple crashes, but not when I was the driver!

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Depends on the day, but... yeah, sorta. Less at an actual gas station, more at an oil change place because it’s subtler, perhaps...?

Last movie you’ve seen?

The last thing I watched at home was Despicable Me 2.  And the last thing I saw in the theater was................. uh....... um............................... Star Wars 8, maybe?!??  (I have OCD/germophobia such that movie theaters squick me out so I usually don’t see any new movies until they come out on DVD)

Worst injury you’ve ever had

Uh... I think I broke my pinky toe about five years ago, I stubbed it and it swelled up like a giant blueberry for about a month.  And I got a pretty dramatic 4- or 5-inch diameter rainbow bruise on my shin once in college when I tripped on some eroding stone stairs.  Otherwise, I’ve been remarkably fortunate where physical ailments are concerned; I have never been a patient in a hospital besides when I was born.  I get scrapes and scratches and nosebleeds and cramps and that kind of crap all the time, but I’ve never been operated on or anything like that.  Blueberry Toe was about the most dramatic injury I’ve ever sustained, lol.

Do you have any obsessions rn?

Star Trek (TOS), Kirk/Spock fanworks, Veep, Pokemon Go, and taking pictures of my cat.  My other all-the-time fandoms include Nintendo stuff (Mario, Zelda, Chrono Trigger, etc.), The Matrix (I’m an Agent Smith fan), Disney/Pixar stuff (like... original animated Snow White and Peter Pan and Cinderella and Toy Story, you know, not these weird live-action reboots), Friends, Peanuts, Mr. Rogers, Seinfeld, The Big Bang Theory, I could go on for ages...

Do you hold grudges?

I really wish I could say no, but that would be a lie. Forgiveness does not come easily to me.

In a relationship?

[operating under the assumption that this means a romantic relationship]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA are you kidding?!?? 🤣🤣🤣 (a.k.a. no, never really have been and never intend to)

[sgt-morgan]

Of Flowers and Family 💐

Summary: You and Jack have built a life together, the birth of your twins adding to your joy, and as you build a new family together, you find yourselves greatful for every day.

Warnings: mentions of death of a spouse, birth stuff, premature babies and NICU stuff, milk production, AFAB! Female identifying reader.

A/N: I saw this TikTok of a little girl swimming in a dress and it made me think of my favorite wild child Daisy Mae and her Papa Jack.

First fic in series

Second fic in series

Masterlist

Things at the ranch had settled nicely. Jack had his job, he had his horses, and he had the little garden of flowers he had started growing with you. Twins. You had twins, and girls at that. Violet Anne and Lavender Jane. Two more beautiful flowers to add to his bouquet along with his Daisy Mae, and you, his Honeybee making it all happen. He didn’t know how you did it, you made his life better just by being around, and every day he endeavors to do the same.

“Jack?” He heard your huff of bemused frustration and he smiles to himself. He was in his office, attempting to work on Statesman things, but had found himself listening to you humming in the kitchen and puttering around the house instead. He loved the sound of you in his space, the echo of your footsteps in the hall, your quiet voice filling his rooms and his days with peace he had thought he’d never have.

“Yes Honey? How can I help.” He huffs, standing and wandering into the hall where he sees you with two baby’s strapped to you, attempting to slip into your shoes by the door. He grins at the sight, you are radiant. The purple sling holding two dark haired babies who snoozed sweetly against your chest, and it almost melted his insides completely. He walks up to you and gently pulls the sling back from the two identical heads of dark curls.

They’re so small, barely home a month. They were born prematurely, almost three months ahead of schedule, but apparently that was common amongst twins. Their birth took one measly hour once your water broke, placenta and all. Then as soon as they were in this world, they were whisked away from you. He remembers how much his soul ached seeing the two tiny babies hooked up to tubes in those little incubators, how little and frail they looked surrounded by all those machines. He remembers how hard it was for you to show up early every morning, and leave as late as they would let you, to be with their babies. He remembers switching off days with you at the hospital, spending the day with a grumpy Daisy who was mad her sisters couldn’t come home, or staring at those two precious little girls in boxes. He remembers scrambling to buy premie clothing with you, you worrying your head off about money, and how much you needed, and whether or not any store would have clothing for them. Then he would gently remind you that he was technically rich, and he could get you anything you needed quickly. Remembers how you would smack him and say ‘Jack Daniels, it don’t matter if we sit high on the hog, if we use it all on bacon we’re gonna be flat on our asses .’ He remembers how you would cry at night, beating yourself up over nothing at all, berating yourself for not keeping them in longer. He thinks about all those sleepless nights when you would have to wake up and pump because your breasts ached and there were no babies to feed, how you panicked over having enough milk to send to the hospital. He remembers feeling useless, feeling angry at how little he could do to help you or his babies. Then, finally, after a month long stay, here they were, finally at home and content with their momma and daddy as they were meant to be.

Jack snuggles up to you, gently placing kisses on the soft tufts of hair, breathing in that new baby smell. They were his perfect carbon copy, dark hair, dark eyes, and personality for days, even when all they really did was eat and sleep. They were barely bigger that his forearm, he could hold them steady with their heads in the palms of his hand, and the tips of their toes would barely reach his elbows. They were so, so delicate, but they had an iron clad grip on everyone they came into contact with. Champ, Tequila, and Ginger, all doted on them already, spoiling them like they spoiled little Daisy Mae. Jack’s girls had made quite the impression on Statesman, and there was no Statesman agent (and on the occasion, Kingsmen agent,) around that was ashamed to say that anything his girls asked for they would give.

He remembers letting Tequila babysitting one night last week, prying you out of the house to get some fresh air. He took you to stroll around target for a few hours, and let you buy tons of premie clothes and fancy Easter dresses for you and the girls that all matched. He also took you to grab dinner, and got your nails painted. Never let it be said that Jack Daniels doesn’t spoil his girls. He remembers proposing to you in the Target parking lot that night, your hair a mess, clutching bags of premie clothes you sorely needed with two small babies in the house. It wasn’t how he pictured your engagement going, but laughing with you in that parking lot like you were kids, racing you to put the shopping carts away, he couldn’t imagine a better life than the one he was living right now. So the ring burned right through his pocket and onto your left hand in the neon glow of the red Target sign. He took you to Texas Roadhouse afterwords, and he will never forget eating rolls and giggling like little kids while you talked about the excitement of having all your children at home, and how much better your nerf battles would be in a few years. You are his best friend, you made him feel young again, and he wouldn’t have you any other way.

When you got back, giggling giddily through the door of your home, Tequila, Ginger, Galahad, and his wife Tilde were all snuggling the girls in the living room passed out cold to Frozen. Eggsy was on the floor, head resting between his wife’s legs, his arms loosely wrapped around a sleeping Daisy. Tilde snoozed in the armchair, a hand buried in Eggsy’s hair. Daisy was in Eggsy’s lap, legs wrapped around him like a Koala, her little face smooshed into his chest, arms hanging limply at her sides. Tequila was sprawled out on the couch, little Violet sleeping on his chest, his whole hand covering her back and dwarfing her. His Stetson was pulled over his eyes to block out the light. Ginger had Lavender in her crossed legs, creating a little basket for the baby to sleep in as she dosed against the couch, using Tequila as a pillow.

“Now when we left there was only one Agent here, and now I got three?” You laughed, whispering so as not to wake the babies, but softly enough to alert the adults to your arrival, before waking them, you had taken a billion pictures, and a copy of one rested proudly on Tequila’s desk. A picture of everyone freaking out a few seconds later when you showed them your engagement ring was on Whiskey’s.

He carefully stroked a hand down Violet’s little back, and gets lost for a moment in loving on his little flowers. You can’t help but watch fondly, letting him forget about what you called him in here for for a moment, just enjoying how much he loved his little family. Jack was already a good father, the way he treated Daisy like his own proved that, but seeing him with all three of your babies and handling it like a champ was such a blessing. You fell more and more in love with him every day.

“Sorry sweat pea, had to get my kisses in, but I seem to be missing one.” He grins wolfishly and you laugh.

“Oh? And who might THAT be?” You grin and lean in to kiss him softly.

“Got it!” He cackled evilly and kisses all over your face. He gets down on one knee and helps you slip your shoes on.

“This feels like I’ve been here before.” You laugh, gently placing a hand on Jacks cheek, staring at him with nothing but adoration in your eyes.

“Is that so? Well, while you got me here, I just figured I’d let you know I’d ask you a million times to marry me, but I’m glad it only took you once to say yes.” He winked and you chuckled as he kissed your knuckles and pulled himself up with a groan.

“Jack Daniels? If you had asked me the day we met to marry you, I would have said yes.” You laughed and he grins again, pulling in his own boots and Grabbing the diaper bag.

“Now, are we meeting your mother in law at the creek?” Jack arched a brow and you nodded with a hum of affirmation.

“Yes, she’s got Daisy Mae down there, and apparently she’s already jumped right in, dress and all.” You rolled your eyes and Jack laughed. “I put a towel and a change of clothes in there for her AND for you when you inevitably climb in after her. Jack grinned sheepishly, knowing you were right.

Today was a big day, today was the day he met your mother in law. Daisy’s only living grandparent, and the mother of your first love. Jack was nervous, you would never have to meet his deceased wife’s parents, because they couldn’t stand Jack, they had no contact after the funeral, and that suited him fine. Your mother in law was different. When you started dating her son, and she realized you didn’t have a mother, she took you in and mothered you like the daughter she never had. You spoke so highly of the woman, and still talked to her once a week even though her son had passed on. It was important to you that this woman blessed your new marriage, and he was a bit nervous. She hadn’t gotten to come down when Violet and Lavender were born, and when they got home, she very considerately waited to come down until they had settled in. She did however make a point of sending crocheted blankets and hats for the babies just like she had for Daisy. No difference would be made in these babies and Daisy on her watch, and Jack truly appreciated it. The closest the girls got to a grandparent on his side was Champ, so having a grandmother who loved them was something he truly appreciated.

He had talked to her once over the phone, expressly calling and asking her permission to marry you and adopt Daisy. The last thing he wanted was to be seen as stepping on her Son’s memory, and you loved her like a mother, so he wanted to do right by her. She was flabbergasted that he would go out of his way to do such a thing, and he will always remember what she said to him.

‘Darlin? That girl deserves the world. If my son were in her shoes, she would want nothing but the best for him, and I want nothing but the best for her because it’s what he would have wanted. That girl is my family, because I hate to say it, but I don’t have much left to spare, so as long as you’re okay with me treating you like a son, and you do right by my babies, all I can say is welcome to the family.’ She had been so kind, and he attempted to keep her as up to date as possible on the girls and your health while they were in the hospital. Today though, he would meet her in person, and he hoped that he would be all that she wanted him to be.

When you arrived at the creek, Daisy was holding court in the water with the frogs and the guppies as her subjects. She had a daisy chain on her head and a stick in her hands that she used like a wand. She was sat down and soaked up to her chest in her little pink play dress. Her hair was in a messy little bun on her head and she would reach up every once in a while to push her baby hairs out of her face with wet fingers. Jack grinned at the little wild child that had all but wrapped him around her little finger. She was his introduction to fatherhood, and she owned a special piece of his heart. He took a picture of her with his phone while you chatted with her grandmother Helen.

“He sure loves our Daisy don’t he?” Your mother in law sighed, grinning and taking one of the twins into her arms as you breastfed the other, planning to switch off momentarily, content to sit and watch your baby bewitch forest critters and swim about fully clothed in the shallow creek.

“Oh yeah, loves her with his whole heart. It’s enchanting.” You grinned.

“Oh my,” Helen chuckled, brushing a loose hair from your face while your hands were full. “You love him don’t you baby?” You nodded shyly and she hugged you to her side, pressing a hand to the side of your head while you leaned on her shoulder.

“Yeah momma, I do, but I loved James too.” You sounded a little guilty and she shushed you, instantly assuaging your fears with a motherly scold.

“I know you did honey, nobody could ever say you didn’t. I’m just happy you got a good one, it’s what my boy would have wanted. I want nothing but the best for you, and meeting him now? I know you’ll have it.” She cradled the baby close and grinned. “He makes beautiful babies, that’s for sure.” You laughed and it drew Jack’s attention, finally causing him to turn and come meet your mother in law. He removed his hat and slicked his hair back, reaching out his hand respectfully to Shake.

“Ma’am? It’s wonderful to meet you-“ he started nervously, only for Helen to smack his hand away and pull him into a bone crushing hug.

“I’m a hugger son, get used to it.” She laughed and Jack beamed at you as she welcomed him with open arms, it had been a long time since he had felt such motherly affection Ms he was taken aback by how easily she welcomed him into her arms. “I can’t believe I’m getting another son, I had one that was rowdy enough already, but I miss it.” She winked at him and they spent a good twenty minutes in quiet conversation while you all just mooned over the twins and little Daisy who was still prancing about in the water.

Eventually Daisy got tired, and Jack bundled her up in a towel to carry her home. The whole time you walked, he was in quite conversation with the little girl, placing kisses to her cheeks and forehead lovingly and Helen beamed at the sight, once again telling you how much she loved your new beaux. Eventually you reached the house, and you all stood around talking at Helen’s car.

“Will you be joining us for dinner tonight Helen?” Jack politely offered, taking Daisy back off her hands after she properly hugged and kissed her goodnight.

“Nah, I got myself a date!” You gasped and laughed and Helen winked at Jack who just looked stunned.

“Momma! You didn’t!” You laughed.

“Sure did sweet pea! Handsome fella too, met him when I took Daisy for ice cream this afternoon.” She laughed and you grinned. “Text me the code for the door though sugar, I’ll break in and make us all Breakfast in the morning and we can take the kids to the zoo.” She winked and Daisy, though exhausted, still found the energy to beg you to go.

“Oh alright,” you laughed. Hugging Helen one more time. “But you send me a picture when you get back so I know you got home safe, you hear?”

“Hey now! I’m the mom here not you!” She laughed, “go put my grand babies to bed and I will see you in the morning.”

Eventually your little house settled, the babies were in their cradles and Daisy was all washed up and tucked in. You were laying with Jack, and he was stroking your back while you talked about your days. He was glad to report that Helen officially loved him, and you were ecstatic, you knew she would, but it was nice to add another family member to your lives who loved him. One of the babies started crying about an hour or two after you fell asleep, and Jack got up to handle it, pressing a kiss to your forehead and muttering for you to ‘stay put.’

You could hear him in the other room, pacing and singing a little song about cowboys to the girls, so you snuck in to see both girls tucked into his arms while he rocked back and forth.

“Blue shadows on the trail

Little cowgirl close your eyes and dream

All of the doggies are in the corral

All of your work is done

Just close your eyes and dream little gal

Dream of someone.”

You broke out in a grin and you couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest woman alive. You had a second chance at love, and with someone who made you feel like you were a love struck teenager. Though it hadn’t been long, you and Jack had experienced a lot together, and through it all he proved time and time again there is nobody you would rather do life with. He settled the babies back in the crib and let the still blearily blinking Violet hold his finger while he finished the lullaby. You came up and wrapped your arms around his back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, before resting your ear against his back, listening to him rumble out the rest of the lullaby.

“Blue shadows on the trail

Soft wind blowing through the trees above

All the other little cowgirls are in the bunkhouse now

So close your eyes and dream.”

When violets eyes finally drooped close, he took one of your hands and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “I love you Honeybee, thank you for all my pretty flowers.” He mumbled, spinning to face you, palming your hair from your forehead and stroking your cheeks.

“No problem Cowboy, I do it ‘cause I love you.” You pucker your lips, and Jack leans in to easily oblige your kiss. You make your way back to bed, and your about to fall asleep when your phone buzzes, and you go to check, only to see a picture of Helen with her date and a little message to let you know she got home safe. When you saw who her date was you gasped.

“Oh my god Jack!” You laughed and he raised an eyebrow, rolling over to look at your phone.

When you turned it to face him, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Is that Champ!?”

You cackled and Jack joined you, suddenly delighted by what a small world this turned out to be. Yep, your little family was coming along nicely, and there was nobody you’d rather share it with than your perfect cowboy, and your pretty babies.

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[umusicians]

UM Interview: Brynn Elliott

Atlanta-born, Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter Brynn Elliott’s music is empowering and inspiring.

A self-taught guitarist, Brynn spent her college years balancing her studies in Philosophy, writing songs and performing live opening for artists like Alanis Morisette, Brandi Carlile, Switchfoot, Grace Potter, and O.A.R. In 2018, Elliott released her debut EP ‘Time of Our Lives’. The EP features the breakout single “Might Not Like Me” which has garnered over 43 million global streams. On January 22, 2021 Brynn released her new single “Tell Me I’m Pretty”.

Amandah Opoku sat down with Brynn Elliott to talk about her new single “Tell Me I’m Pretty”, teenage rom-com’s, growth as an artist and more!

Amandah Opoku: Brynn, thank you for doing this interview today! Before we kick off please tell our readers about yourself and one random fact people do not know about you Brynn Elliott: Hi! Thank you for having me! I’m Brynn Elliott and I am a musician from Atlanta, Georgia currently based in Los Angeles, California. One thing people might not know about me is that love to bake!

Amandah Opoku: If you could describe your music in three words. What words would you choose and why? Brynn Elliott: The three words that describe my music are “real,” “hopeful” and “beautiful.” I choose real because I always want my music to come from an honest place and speak to the truth of things inside me or in the world, even the hard things of life. I choose hopeful because I do want my music to help those who listen to it and give them light during dark times and circumstances. That’s really why I listen to music myself and why I want to make it. And lastly, beautiful because I really want my music to be enjoyable and to bring people into a striking experience.

Amandah Opoku: What artists would you say have influenced you musically both through your sound and lyrically (songwriting)? Brynn Elliott: The artists who have influenced my sound are first classic pop/rock star women like Avril Lavinge, Taylor Swift, and Meghan Trainor. And secondly, I really love live rock performance and really try to incorporate that into my live show. That comes from my dad who took me on a roadtrip once just to introduce me to all his favorite bands of the 70s and 80s like Chicago, The Stones and Guns N’ Roses.

On the songwriting front I am deeply inspired by women like Brandi Carlile. Just the rawness and honesty of her lyrics have always struck me and I try to do that in my own pop-y music way.

Amandah Opoku: 2020 was an interesting year for everyone, where we had to adapt to this new “normal”. How has the pandemic affected you as a musician? What have you learned about yourself? Brynn Elliott: Yes, it truly has been the craziest year. The pandemic has obviously taken away my favorite thing about this job which is live music and my heart goes out to that side of the industry like the venues and touring crews. Personally, performing live really shapes my music. I thrive from a songwriting standpoint in having structure so a really busy day on the road is actually the best environment for me to write and think about songs. Ironically, having a lot of free open time has not been the best because I really have to create my own structure and manage my time efficiently which I am so bad at! But I’ve been working on it and I actually am grateful that this time has allowed me to really address that part of myself and not be afraid of free time. I have a lot of clarity and vision for the future of my work. And I’ve even learned a little bit of production which has been super fun and inspiring!

Amandah Opoku: You released your debut EP ‘Time of Our Lives’ in 2018. How do you think you’ve grown as an artist since its release? What have you learned about your artistry? Brynn Elliott: I have grown so much since the Time of Our Lives. That was really my first serious project in the world of pop music. And as I have had time to reflect and write more music I realize that there’s a common thread to all of my songs and it’s almost subconscious. I am a notorious people pleaser and sometimes it has been really hard for me to be myself with those who I want to impress. That was present in that first EP with songs like Might Not Like Me where I am literally trying to come to terms with the fact that someone I love might not like me. So this next project is that just on steroids - it’s me trying to be my most honest and vulnerable self and embracing the power of that and hopefully inspiring others to do the same.

Amandah Opoku: You’ll be releasing a new single “Tell Me I’m Pretty” at the end of this month, what inspired the song? Brynn Elliott: There were a couple of experiences that inspired Tell Me I’m Pretty. The first was while attending Harvard in 2016. The men’s soccer team rated the physical appearance of various members of the women’s soccer team in a leaked group chat. These men literally gave a numerical rating on their “hotness” and used some of the most horrific language to describe these women. This experience really stuck with me and I always knew that I wanted to write a song about how I felt in that moment. So, when I wrote the line “Maybe I’m worth more than some numbers or a score” I was thinking of my friends on the women’s soccer team and moments where I personally have felt rated on my appearance and objectified.

The second experience is just being a human in the age of the internet. I think so much about girls who are maybe a little younger than me who have not known a time without the internet. While the internet is good for so many things, it can also really take a toll on how women view themselves. There’s so much pressure to look a certain way or live up to unrealistic standards of beauty. So I wanted to write a song of inspiration to those younger girls/women and to me that our worth is not found in or defined by how we look in our selfies or our “social media ratings” as it were. It’s about who we are - that’s where true beauty is found.

Amandah Opoku: You co-wrote “Tell Me I’m Pretty” with Michelle Buzz, what was the writing and recording process like? Brynn Elliott: Yes, so Tell Me I’m Pretty was one of the first songs I wrote with Michelle. The first day we met we literally thought we were twins separated at birth and both texted our moms to see if there was something we should know. We just had this instant connection. I told her about wanting to write this song. We had a lengthy conversation about the pressure we feel as women being on social media and the song just flowed. We got to work with The Monarch, my favorite brother producer-duo, who totally got the direction I wanted to go with the song.

Amandah Opoku: In “Tell Me I’m Pretty” you sing “I want you to like me for me, not the girl you see on the screen”, and I can’t tell you how much I relate to that line. I’m sure many others can as well. If you had the chance to pitch this song for any television show and/or movie, what show would you pick and why? Brynn Elliott: I love this question! If I were to pitch Tell Me I’m Pretty for a show or movie I would LOVE for it to be in a teenage rom-com like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. I just wrote the song with teenagers who live in this internet space and would love for the song to be in a film that encourages teens to be themselves. That would be such an exciting thing for me.

Amandah Opoku: You are getting ready to release your sophomore EP ‘Can I Be Real’ which will be released later this year. Do you feel any pressure to match the success of your previous release? Brynn Elliott: Yes, of course, I definitely feel the pressure to match my previous success with my first EP. I would be lying if I told you my mind hasn’t gone there. But I also don’t want to allow myself to dwell in that headspace. The great magnificence of being an artist/songwriter is that every new piece of work really is something new and stands on its own. So I am excited at the possibility of the songs I have coming down the pipeline. I am also so humbled and grateful that I get to do this in my life and just want to stay present to each moment of the process.

Amandah Opoku: Did the writing and recording process for ‘Can I Be Real’ differ from your debut EP ‘Time Of Our Lives’? Brynn Elliott: The writing process between the two EPs was different. My first EP was written over the span of about three years whereas Can I Be Real was written in three months. The first EP was inspired so much by my college life and friendships. And this second one is a lot about me graduating and being a full-time artist in the music industry and not wanting the glitz and glamour of that world to change me. I always want to be the most honest version of myself in my music and life and want to encourage others to do the same in their own lives. So the lyrical content of the second EP really comes from that place.

Amandah Opoku: You got your philosophy degree at Harvard all while opening 250-plus shows for the likes of Alanis Morisette, Brandi Carlile, Switchfoot, Grace Potter, and O.A.R. That is impressive! For anyone who may be juggling a full time or education like yourself and pursuing a music career, what would your advice be to them? Brynn Elliott: My advice for anyone juggling the two worlds of education and a music career would be to not let anyone tell you you can’t do both. If you absolutely want both, like I did, then that is what you must do. Many folks will have opinions but only you know your path and I would say be encouraged to stay on it.

Amandah Opoku: For new fans who come across your music, what would you like them to take away from your music? Brynn Elliott: I feel like I am a clanging symbol at this point BUT I would say I hope they feel encouraged to be honest and be themselves. I hope my music inspires them to be honest about things they maybe don’t like about themselves or areas they want to grow in. That’s really why I write music, because I want to grow and understand what it really meant to be human and I hope they hear that and are encouraged by that in my songs.

Amandah Opoku: Brynn, thank you for sitting down with me! Before we close this interview is there anything you want to say to your fans and our readers? Brynn Elliott: Ah, thank you so much for having me. I would like to end with a quote from my favorite philosopher Soren Kikerkgaard who says, “The most common form of despair is not being who you are” and I hope my music encourages you to live in that place of self-honesty and freedom. Stay tuned for my next single Tell Me I’m Pretty out January 21 and my next EP to follow later this year.

Connect with Brynn Elliott on the following websites: https://twitter.com/brynnelliott https://www.facebook.com/brynnelliottmusic https://www.instagram.com/brynnelliott/

[bobbystompy]

My Top 75 Songs Of 2019

Previously: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

First time going below 100 songs since 2015, and I cannot wait. Giving this extra juice already.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

This is usually the part where I put up a pump up video, but we are going with something a little different this year.

(It was stuck my head. Blame Blink-155.)

75) YG - “In The Dark”

The video begins with YG chugging a full tequila bottle -- sure. This song is very bad. It’s like he’s in a competition to make the verse lyrics worse than the chorus lyrics (spoiler alert: the verses “win”); not even satanic imagery can save this.

74) Solange - “Stay Flo”

Here’s a weird take: wouldn’t Solange’s career be way more fun if everyone slept on her? Instead, it’s hype on hype -- plus being Beyoncé’s sister -- which makes it nearly impossible to deliver. This has a fun beat/vibe but is kinda boring... and was still easily my favorite off her album.

73) Art Alexakis - “The Hot Water Test”

My doctors told me that I had a disease / I will slowly fall apart until there’s nothing left that looks like me

This song makes the stakes clear immediately. It was released a few months after I saw Art play in June 2019 on my birthday. At the intimate show, he revealed his multiple sclerosis diagnosis as if we were all his closest friends. Something like this is never easy to deal with -- a similar announcement by the Lucky Boys Confusion singer did not help matters -- but music can help such a painful situation, and it’s clearly Alexakis’ exile here.

72) The Cranberries - “In The End”

A very suitable sendoff for the band following the passing of singer Dolores O’Riordan. The recording story (via NPR):

O'Riordan died suddenly in January 2018 at 46 years old and left behind the vocal tracks to what was intended to be the band's latest album. Now, O'Riordan's bandmates have decided to complete that album, In The End — the last album the band will release — in her memory. 

[...]

In June 2017, O'Riordan and Hogan started emailing album ideas and demos back and forth to each other. O'Riordan had been very open about her struggles with mental health and addiction, which would affect the band at times, but they wanted to make a new album. Hogan says that when they were emailing those demos, she was in a good place. They started laying down her demos.

"All of that was kind of behind her," Hogan says. "She's kind of found a way to cope with the mental health thing. That's why she wanted to write so much. That's what she kept saying, 'I have so much to say, I just need the music to put it to.' "

Hogan says O'Riordan's apparent stability is what made her death even more tragic and devastating. (Officials ruled O'Riordan's cause of death to be accidental drowning due to alcohol intoxication.) But after a period of mourning, the remaining band members remembered they still had O'Riordan's demos. As Hogan remembers, they finally had the courage to start listening to them again in late February and, with her family's permission, started recording in April. "We spoke to her family and said, 'Look, how do you feel about us finishing the album?' And they were really supportive," Lawler says. "They were delighted, actually. They gave us their blessing."

Hogan says, in a sense, they were used to O'Riordan not being in the studio when they recorded — "Dolores hated hanging around the studio once we worked on our parts" — but, of course, this time was different.

71) Raleigh Ritchie - “Time In A Tree”

Exercise time. Play the first minute or so of this song without looking at any YouTube visuals.

/waits for you

OK, who are you picturing singing this? Got your image?

Well, whatever it was, you’re wrong -- it’s GREY WORM HIMSELF.

This was the best thing about “Game of Thrones” in 2019, sadly.

70) Culture Abuse - “Goo”

Simple, effective, gets out before you can dislike much.

69) Lil Pump f/ Lil Wayne - “Be Like Me”

Sometimes, a song starts, and you can just tell it’s going to be ignorant. Even before the vocals kick in. This was probably our moment here:

Between that and the beat, it’s like the only thing you can think is “Ohhhh, he’s about to say some horrible things about women.”

Other choice lines:

- “Yes, I’m hella ignorant, I don’t give a fuck” (he even says it in the song)

- “I take drugs like it’s Vitamin C / I’m a millionaire, but I don’t know how to read”

This song almost feels like it existed already.

68) The Get Up Kids - “Satellite”

Finally, our first rock song with some punch. This probably takes the crown from both DMB and P.O.D.

67) Bad Religion - “My Sanity”

BR is historically my favorite band, so it is rather deflating to see them so far back on this list. That said, it is Year 40 (!!!) of their existence, so some can be forgiven. Yet... we’ve never needed them more, you know? It’s this weird mixture of resentment but understanding.

66) Billy Liar - “The Righteous & The Rats”

Gonna see him (them?) open for The Bombpops in March; looks quite promising. Has an old school Brit punk feel.

65) Beach Slang - “AAA”

Beach Slang never lets you forget they love -- no, like, LOVE -- The Replacements. When this cover dropped, I googled “replacements AAA”, and, surprisingly, nothing came up.

Ohhh, what I fool I was. After more digging, I discovered a band called Grandpaboy who performed “AAA”.

“Oh, damn -- he finally went outside the box with this pick.”

No. Grandpaboy is fronted by Paul Westerberg. Singer of, you guessed it, The Replacements.

James Alex wears his heart on his sleeve so hard, he might as well give the heart a little jacket so his heart can wear its own heart on its sleeve.

HE DID THAT TOO?!

You can’t even make jokes about this band; they live in the jokes with their damn earnestness.

64) Gesaffelstein & The Weeknd - “Lost In The Fire”

Even lesser known Weeknd-involved tracks sound like they could lead a soundtrack or close out a festival. Are you familiar with this one at all? It has 87 million views on YouTube. Abel is never not not playing.

63) FIDLAR - “By Myself”

Started from the bottom and I’m still at the bottom

Falling apart never felt so carefree and burdenless.

62) Constant Elevation - “Fuck Runnin”

As hardcore punk as this list is gonna get. All glory to Vinnie Caruana. Though none of his solo tracks from 2019 made it, this has an undeniable energy and confidence. Plus probably the best song title of the year.

61) Maren Morris f/ Brandi Carlile - “Common”

A focused duet that drills into relationship dynamics before throwing a personal theology wrench in the middle of the chorus.

60) Anti-Flag - “Christian Nationalist”

AF going in on the white, religious right. This is like throwing a 50 mph pitch to -- /looks up good baseball players -- Pete Alonso.

59) Cokie The Clown - “Punk Rock Saved My Life”

This is less of a song and more of a confessional essay, and it gets harder and harder to look away with every revealing detail. If NOFX’s Fat Mike needed this character as a vehicle to get all of these autobiographical details off his chest, hopefully it’s a helpful therapy.

58) White Reaper - “Might Be Right”

“Judy French” is such an untoppable song, but “Might Be Right” has a similar dynamic.

57) Denzel Curry - “RICKY”

Denzel Curry as a rap moniker is such a slam dunk.

/looks up actual name

!!!

56) Ariana Grande - “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”

It takes a special kind of hot girl twisted to issue this unflinching request while totally pulling it off.

55) Goody Grace f/ blink-182 - “Scumbag”

Not sure if Goody is a Soundcloud rapper, punk rocker, or some kinda emo hybrid of both.

A few asides:

- Have we ever -- ever -- heard Travis Barker this subdued on drums?

- On the Blink-155 podcast, Goody said he gave Tom from the Plain White T’s a songwriting credit because he unintentionally lifted some melodies from “Hey There Delilah”, but... I really don’t hear it at all; like, it sounds maybe in the same key but not much else?

54) Jonas Brothers - “Sucker”

Despite their popularity in the past, I do not think I could name a single JoBros song. That changed in 2019 with this poppy, light, clappy, Maroon 5-style single.

53) Goo Goo Dolls - “Money, Fame & Fortune”

Someone -- coulda sworn it was Brendan Kelly -- said this was Goo Goo Dolls sounding like Fake Problems, and that is spot on.

52) AJJ - “A Poem”

A poem is song that no one cares about

This short, folky tune led to one of my favorite Twitter exchanges of the year, when I reached out to a music journalist with a question and AJJ came flying off the top rope.

51) DaBaby - “Suge”

This song is fun, but I really don’t get it. Beat is cool, flow is fine... this is the new face of hip-hop? His name is DaBaby! What are we doing here?!

50) Laura Stevenson - “Jesus, Etc.”

Taking a classic and doing it full justice/adding some harmonies.

49) blink-182 - “Not Another Christmas Song”

Blink’s 2019 album “Nine” was very, very bad because it tried too hard and was not good. This song, released later in the year, takes an opposite approach and actually works. We get lyrics that are discontent, even clumsy at times -- the “I miss fucking in the rain” line is so out of place/cringe-y but actually feels real and not workshopped by 10 producers. The trio can hopefully use this better b-side to figure out the best songwriting should flow out of you without having to go through multiple stations on a conveyor belt first.

48) Dave Hause - “Eye Aye I”

This song has a lot I love (catchy chorus, wistful thoughts, hairline analyses) and a lot I don’t (genuine use of the word “old bores”, Van Halen getting respect), but one thing is clear: Dave Hause is in complete control.

47) Beck - “Up All Night”

I’ve casually followed Beck’s entire career and would not have guessed this was him if given 100 chances. As an exercise, I’m going to pull up the 2020 Coachella lineup and randomly point to an artist.

/pulls up lineup and points

I got Daniel Caesar. If you told me this was Daniel Caesar, that would probably make more sense here.

46) Shawn Mendes - “If I Can’t Have You”

Randomly came into Shawn Mendes tickets in 2019, and good gracious, that was something. Other than parents, we were the oldest people there by a lot. Getting to watch thousands of teens and preteens legitimately having the best moment of their lives was downright inspiring. When you’re that young, it’s not even hyperbole. Phones were flagrantly out; I’m talking 20+ minutes of straight video being filmed. I wanted to judge so badly, but if you gave me an iPhone at my first concert when I was 14, who the hell knows how egregious my behavior would’ve been. As fun as the whole experience was, I never wanted to be in a grimy punk club more. Sometimes, leaving your comfort zone makes you appreciate your home base more.

This is a rock solid pop song, but there are way too many you/you rhymes to not penalize it some.

45) Big Thief - “Cattails”

The whitest song you will ever hear that isn’t written by Vampire Weekend.

44) Bayside - “Prayers”

Bayside went super metal with their 2019 release “Interrobang” (such a sick name). So yes, the guitars are a touch harder than you might be used to, but the chorus soars; a great hook transcends genre.

43) Naughty Boy & Mike Posner - “Live Before I Die”

Few had as interesting of a year as Mike Posner. Following a breakup, the death of his father, and the death of Avicii, he decided to walk across the United States of America. He legit became Forrest Gump, right down to the beard and grown out hair.

In the video, you can see how a snakebite hospitalized him and almost derailed the whole trek. After a rehabilitation period where he almost lost his leg, our man finally makes it to the Pacific Ocean. If nothing else, watch for the ending -- it’s exhilarating.

42) Post Malone - “Wow.”

Post is flexing in this one; we’ve got slow motion jamming with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, international flights, a dancing beard guy, and a Fall Out Boy name check which really makes them sound cooler than they are now.

41) Bryce Vine f/ YG - “La La Land”

Sometimes, these summertime Cali songs write themselves. That is until YG comes in and flips over the board before you can finish the game. By the time the Coachella reference is dropped when Bryce comes back in, you realize 1:47 may have actually been a better endpoint for the song than its 2:47 length.

40) David Rokos - “Backseat Drives”

It’s winter in Chicago, again and until forever. If you haven’t been to the Jewel in the South Loop or Marshall Field’s before they changed it, just listen to this so you don’t actually have to.

39) Simple Creatures - “Drug”

Mark Hoppus and the dude from All Time Low give us this synth-pop bop that feels like the duo shooting their shot at a real mainstream pop hits. It didn’t quite get there, but they should feel OK about where it landed.

38) Chris Cresswell - “To The Wind”

My interest in The Flatliners ramped up considerably in 2019, as their near decade old record “Cavalcade” got plenty of spins (peep “Filthy Habits”; just stunningly incredible punk). Though they did not release anything this year, their singer put out “To The Wind”, a longing song about missing someone.

37) Kesha f/ Big Freedia - “Raising Hell”

Kesha, with the help of New Orleans’ Big Freedia, gives us another one. I’ve personally dug Kesha for a while now, but when is it time for us as a society to put her into the all-time conversation for pop artists? She has at least, like, seven HOF certifiable bangers. Plus she kills a guy in this music video.

In conclusion, I think this could translate to a country song very easily.

36) No Lenox - “Marquee”

Illinois/Japan’s No Lenox are back with Reuben Baird on the mixer and legendary masterer Collin Jordan (of The Boiler Room) on the, well, master, and the fullness in sound leads to the assault that is the “I saw your name on the marquee / Your friends were milling around outside” part. They only play it once, but I really could’ve gone for closer to five.

35) Red City Radio - “Love A Liar”

Rapid fire Red City Radio gets this one done in exactly 120 seconds.

34) Barely March - “Lead Single”

This sounds like Joyce Manor turned up to a 17 out of 10 before unexpectedly turning into a hellogoodbye song.

33) New Lenox - “Old Words”

Not a typo from two songs ago -- legitimately a different band. This one was written by your boy. The first 15 seconds were from a demo recorded 1/2/16 before developing the rest in 2019 (after some encouragement). We have Dave Rokos on guitar/bass, Dave Hernandez on hums, and Brian Bedford on some very temporary sleigh bells. Themes: online dating, resolutions, exes, currents, Black Wednesday, hope, and Carly Rae Jepsen stage banter.

32) MakeWar - “Sails”

Honey, I can’t make it on my own

You might get some Gaslight Anthem vibes as the vocals come in, but by the time the song ends, MakeWar leaves their own imprint on this impassioned ballad.

31) Sheryl Crow & Johnny Cash - “Redemption Day”

Was gonna say Johnny’s voice could move mountains before realizing no, Johnny’s voice is the mountains.

30) American Football f/ Hayley Williams - “Uncomfortably Numb”

Sensitivity deprived I can't feel a thing inside I blamed my father in my youth Now as a father, I blame the booze

An unlikely collaboration that makes you forget about its unlikeliness by the two minute mark. The two voices trade spots, mesh, harmonize, and weave throughout this beautiful song.

Asides:

- Blake from “Workaholics” in the video?!

- Choose to interpret this song’s title as a Pink Floyd diss

- “I’ll make new friends in the ambulance” should be a 2005-level emo lyric that we all mock, yet it’s somehow one of the most stunningly appropriate closers of the entire year

- I wish my friend Luke was with us to hear it

29) Stuck Out Here - “Embarrass You”

Stuck Out Here got onto my radar with 2014′s amazingly named “Getting Used To Feeling Like Shit”. Five years later, they’re back -- and not feeling much better. The Toronto quartet’s Bandcamp describes the song like this:

They’re fucking up, but unlike previous releases, they’re finally holding themselves accountable. 

You can even kinda hear their Canadian accents in the “I’m sorry I embarrass you...” part.

28) The Weeknd - “Heartless”

The Weeknd will be on these lists as long as he continues to make music even 1/8th as good as this.

27) The Chainsmokers f/ blink-182 - “P.S. I Hope You’re Happy”

A simple song that’s a touch more clever than you first realize. The Chainsmokers guy is giving me some real Owl City vibes. Also, how airtight of an apology is the line “I blame myself for when I was someone else”. It’s like the modern way of saying “When I was a child, I spoke like a child”. 

Also also, the “I will find a way somehow...” harmony in the pre-chorus is as pretty as music got in 2019. The Chainsmokers are so sonically pleasing, whether you end up liking the music or not.

26) Vampire Weekend - “Harmony Hall”

ooooooooh, that crisp guitar in the intro

25) Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself”

If Carly Rae Jepsen can get a sword, why can’t Alex Lahey get a god damn saxophone? HIT ME.

That solo, combined with the “Mighty Ducks” reference in the chorus, make this song untouchable.

24) Lizzo - “Truth Hurts”

Let’s be clear: this did drop in 2017 but was technically re-released in 2019, so it does qualify for our list despite the criteria threatening timeline. Anyway.

The walking piano part, the iconic intro line (with a lawsuit!), the Minnesota Vikings reference (causing a Green Bay radio edit), and all of the damn positivity. Lizzo was among music’s big winners this year, and her success made you wonder how the hell someone this talented was slept on for those two years.

Let’s end with the purse.

23) An Horse - “Ship Of Fools”

Awkward band name, but a song that makes you pay attention. Kinda like Tegan and Sara, had they stayed more rock. So much urgency in the vocals and lyrics.

22) Charli XCX f/ Lizzo - “Blame It On Your Love”

Trippy vid; Charli continues to give us anthems. Wasn’t super high on the Lizzo cameo, but it somehow made more sense in the context of said video.

21) Sincere Engineer - “Dragged Across The Finish Line”

Sincere Engineer is back -- you can tell from the second those guitar leads get goin’. Drums from 1:19 to 1:36 = /heart eyes emoji. My buddy Cox said his next tattoo very well could be the outro lyric “Too dumb to succeed, too honest to cheat”.

(Bonus fact: they did a beer collaboration/show with Pollyanna Brewing Company in 2019.)

20) Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road”

Was unwilling to listen when this first dropped solely because of how horrible Lil Nas X’s name is (”What if a rapper came out named ‘Lil Jay-Z X’?!”)... what a foolish notion. One billion streams and a Billy Cyrus cameo later, I wouldn’t have been able to miss out on the Song of the Summer (and year) if I tried. More notes:

- Picked this because I had to, but “Panini” is legit good (200+ million streams)

- Went with the original (sorry, Billy), which is a beautiful 1:53 long (brevity, brevity, brevity)

- Did you know: Lil Nas X uses a Nine Inch Nails sample on the beat? This Rolling Stone interview with Trent Reznor is super interesting

Reznor calls “Old Town Road” “undeniably hooky,” but once it exploded, he took a back seat to the phenomenon. “The reason I haven’t stepped in to comment anything about it is, I don’t feel it’s my place to play any kind of social critic to that,” he says. “It was a material that was used in a significant way and it turned into something that became something else, and those guys should be the ones the spotlight is on…. They asked if I wanted to do a cameo in the video, and it was flattering, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to shine a light on me for that. I say that with complete respect.”

Still, Reznor is amazed at how the song became a juggernaut. “Having been listed on the credits of the all-time, Number One whatever-the-fuck-it-is wasn’t something…I didn’t see that one coming,” he says. “But the world is full of weird things that happen like that. It’s flattering. But I don’t feel it’s for me to step in there and pat myself on the back for that.”

19) Gryffin & Carly Rae Jepsen - “OMG”

What doesn’t this little bop have? It’s kinda Chainsmoker-y and tingles like cool breath hitting the back of your neck.

18) Craig Finn - “Blankets”

You travel your whole life just to get out to the place you’re gonna die

I love everything about this song: the artwork, the intro, the climax, the command Craig Finn has from start to finish -- with such a payoff. Now several albums in, the greatest compliment we can give is that his solo stuff now feels more essential than Hold Steady releases*. You can even hear it in this line: “When we got to the Twin Cities / I said ‘Man, I know some songs about this place’”. Another life.

17) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Now That I Found You”

Carly always keeps us in the sky; picking one song was difficult because the album is even more fulfilling as you get to put the pieces together.

16) Billie Eilish - “Bad Guy”

Different genres*, but Billie Eilish lived up to her hype in the exact same way Lana Del Rey did in the earlier part of the decade. Lana said she was the gangster Nancy Sinatra and totally fucking was. Billie feels like something potentially even bigger. Nearly everything about her aura lets you project (or even second guess, if you’re a skeptic). Is she dead-eyed because she’s high or disaffected? Or just Aubrey Plaza? Is it her or her brother that’s pulling the strings? How can someone so young be so good already? In the skinny fashion era of All Achilles Everything, how is she rocking such loose fits?

“I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean that’s why I wear big baggy clothes,” she said. “Nobody can have an opinion because they haven’t seen what’s underneath.”

“Nobody can be like ‘Oh, she’s slim-thick, she’s not slim-thick, she’s got a flat ass, she’s got a fat ass,’” she continued. “No one can say any of that because they don’t know.”

It almost seems too easy, but how much sense does that make to you?

Great jokes aside, I have so much anticipation for what’s next, with assured belief in its potential. Pitchfork: 

In 10 years, she will still be well under 30. Let’s hope the planet survives that long.

Yes.

(* - though not totally)

15) Ben Gibbard - “Filler”

Before you check Gibbard’s, please listen to the original by Minor Threat. That’s what he had to work with. From there, a total transformation while doing the near impossible -- keeping its beating heart.

14) Martha - “Wrestlemania VIII”

Third favorite song title of the year/favorite music video of the year. This is energetic, bratty punk at its finest; also surprised to find out it was British, but, based on the upcoming tour dates and YouTube description...

This is a silly & frankly quite rubbish video but when you are a band trapped within surveillance capitalism's endless hunger for content trying to promote a tour sometimes things will be a silly & frankly quite rubbish. 

I love them. Seriously didn’t even notice the accents in the singing until I knew to look for them; now, it’s all I can hear. Also, the part in the video where they finally show someone with an instrument, only he stops playing guitar halfway into the solo (/crying emoji).

THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDA

13) Chance The Rapper f/ Ben Gibbard - “Do You Remember”

Chance The Rapper dropped a one hour and 17 minute album in 2019 because he is a monster. I could not name three songs on it, but this one stood out big. It’s Chano doing what he does best: reminiscing and evoking summer in his city. Gibbard on the hook gives it that 2005 nostalgia while also making you say “Damn, it’s been nearly 15 years since 2005?!”

Fav two lines:

1) “Used to have obsession with the ‘27 Club’ / Now I'm turning 27, wanna make it to the 2070 club / Put the 27's down, Lord, give me a clean lung / Took the ring up out the box, I know this ain't no brief love”

2) “That summer left a couple tan lines / I love my city, they let me cut the line on the Dan Ryan”

(If you know, you know.)

Two more asides:

- If you Google “death cab for cutie”, the next autofill from there is “do you remember”. Rough for the legacy.

- “My daughter on the swing like the 2017 Cubs” is a line that confused me, but here’s how Genius explained it:

Chance is talking about a memorable summer and the things that made him happy. This line continues that theme when he raps about his daughter happily on a swing and how that’s similar to the 2017 Cubs. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series in 2016; therefore, the 2017 season was one of celebration and relaxation as the pressure of the 108 year drought was over. 

12) Lana Del Rey - “The Greatest”

I miss Long Beach, and I miss you...

Listening to this song feels like watching the cement dry on a classic in real time. Lana Del Rey’s galactic “Norman Fucking Rockwell!” dominated lists at the end of 2019, and she -- to borrow her word -- fucking deserved it.

- The Beach Boys line is so god damn perfect

- The guitar solo (soooo sick)

- The breathy singing; the crooning; the notes that go up and then down until you’re surrounded by melody

- The perfection of this album name (minus the very iffy exclamation point) will have me comparing nearly any other all-time album title for probably the rest of our lives 

- Tried playing this album during my Monday night pickup basketball run, and it very much failed... but that’s about the only thing it couldn’t do

- I’m told the dude with her on the album cover is Jack Nicholson’s grandson (named Duke Nicholson, because of course)

11) Off With Their Heads - “No Love”

If you do not like punk rock, this will be unlistenable. If you do, what a treat! I love how dissatisfied and put off he sounds, and, while there are a few more lively songs remaining on the list, none in 2019 got fast-tracked to my workout/pump up playlist at this speed.

Factoring in the band’s van accident (occurred after the release of this song), the “There’s nothing I could say that’s ever gonna make it right” outro becomes hauntingly clairvoyant.

10) Drake f/ Rick Ross - “Money In The Grave”

We need to face facts: it was a down year for stadium hip-hop. Nowhere on this list do you see Jay, Em, Kendrick, or Kanye (rest in peace). This was my favorite rap song of the year, and it couldn’t even crack the Top 5. Similar to his beloved Raptors -- who are being celebrated here -- it’s almost as if Drake needed some injuries outside his own locker room to get the crown. But I’m done being bummed, let’s focus on the good:

- Ohhhh, the intro (”I mean where. the fuck. should I. really even start?”)

- The way he says “grave” in the hook like he can barely contain 

- The hook itself -- read it out loud: “When I die, put my money in the grave”

- How cool Ross sounds when he breaks in

- The Zion reference

The bad:

- Rarely take this angle, but really wouldn’t mind if it were longer

- Misogyny

9) PUP - “Bloody Mary, Kate And Ashley”

Second favorite song title of the year, 6/8 time signature, satanic references, drugs, hallucinations (maybe), and, yes, the Olsen twins.

8) Better Oblivion Community Center - “Sleepwalkin’”

“It’s impossible to count...”

The intro, as the tempo gets jarringly slower and slower, ironically helps you acclimate quicker. This Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst collab was my No. 1 played track of 2019 (the album coming out in January definitely helped). The song builds to Phoebe’s solo part:

You like beer and chocolate I like setting off those bottle rockets We can never compromise But fighting 'til the death keeps us alive

It’s sung so well, you can almost feel the heat of the spotlight on her through the stereo. The lyrics could be anything.

The chill guitar solo takes us out.

7) AM Taxi - “Saint Jane”

Adam Krier is such a rockstar, he had me shouting “I’m no hero, at best a zero!” within my fifth listen -- and I was skeptical as hell when I first heard the line. But that’s about where it stopped. You can tell this song is going to rip even before the vocals come in. When they do (”These fears don’t die, you get older and they multiply”), it’s just fucking time to go.

6) Taylor Swift - “Paper Rings”

My favorite pop song of 2019. Tay is firing on all cylinders; every lyric is exactly where it’s supposed to be; boppy and fun and sincere (while still being light-hearted). Still holding out minor hope it will be a single in 2020.

5) Pkew Pkew Pkew - “The Polynesian”

I’ve always said the best songs make you want to live the lyrics, whether they are positive or negative. This one had me researching “polynesian wisconsin” faster than I’m comfortable disclosing. And yes “bed bugs” and “needles” were both in the Top 7 recommended searches after those first two words.

Pkew Pkew Pkew collaborated with Craig Finn on some of their lyrics on 2019′s “Optimal Lifestyles”, and I’d be blown away if he doesn’t have fingerprints on this one -- the storytelling is pristine. Go into this open-minded, and I’d be shocked if you weren’t shouting the “Goatees, tall cans, camo pants, and Packers fans” mantra by the end.

Bonus story: this St. Patrick’s day in Chicago, I asked my friend Sara (Wisconsin native) if she’d ever stayed there, and she held up her elbow and showed me a scar from the hotel’s water slide. Your boy was over the moon.

4) Spanish Love Songs - “Losers”

It gets harder, doesn’t it?

Dylan Slocum has a way of not just writing depressing songs -- many lyricists are good at that -- but specifically depressing songs. This song contemplates death, homelessness, squandering your limited time on the planet, credit card debt, leeching off your parents because you have no other choice, crippling illness, and completely giving up because there genuinely is no other choice. The last lines are, without any hint of winking, “We’re mediocre. We’re losers. Forever.”

It’s wonderful.

Two straight Top 4 finishes for SLS; their 2020 album should be something special.

3) oso oso - “the view”

If Jade Lilitri is making personal progress in “microscopic strides”, you wouldn’t be able to tell by his songwriting. Every tune has a way of warming up your entire body and being. This grabs you, whether it’s the laid back guitar or the mismatched quick drums or the big ass chorus. While it came down to this one or “basking in the glow” (an actual single), the bridge here puts us over the top:

But not as much as the phone ringing Not as much playing my house Not as much as the way her goddamn voice sounds It's like taking in sun And then taking it back I fall into old habits I'm stepping over your cracks again

Her voice? This song.

2) The Menzingers - “Strangers Forever”

This song makes me want to rip up walls, sprint through streets with no destination, shred my lungs screaming off rooftops, bash hands drumming the steering wheel until my sprained fingers beg me to stop. It is such a perfect encapsulation of my favorite band of the decade and possibly of all-time.

Scranton’s sons gave me everything and more from 2010 through 2019, so it’s fitting they end so high here. This is probably the most clownable sentence of them all, but I am so constantly thankful I am alive to experience Greg Barnett’s songwriting. What he creates, I can only compare to the best books or movies or athletes or even personal relationships.

The way the guitar alternates in the headphones to start, the drums that go big and push the song along, the reverb vox that certainly could have less reverb, the “it is what it is”-style lyric of “My miserable memory’s making me more miserable”, the oceanic imagery, the quiet bridge that explodes into a final chorus. Barnett said the overall theme was inspired by Leo Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina”.

In it, the character Darya Alexandrovna learns of her husbands infidelity and declares: “Even if we remain in the same house, we are strangers — strangers forever!” The idea of becoming a stranger to someone you so intimately know stuck with me, and became the overarching narrative to this song. Dolly’s statement is definitive, but she also realizes the trappings of 19th century patriarchal Russian society. It’s a complex conundrum, and while lyrically I speak in the first person, this song exists in a world outside of my own personal experiences. I wanted to write about the finality of relationships that need to end this way. Strangers Forever. 

My only gripe is I wish there were more. But I’m the same person who never wants them to stop.

1) Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

Only one song could make me fear missing the chance to be with the love of my life the same year I married her. As discussed in “The Polynesian”, the best songs have the consistent ability to put you in someone else’s shoes. You are either reliving something you personally experienced or maybe taking it all in for the first time. And that can be powerful -- especially dealing with anything big picture.

“Your New Old Apartment” launches me into 2009 without ever asking. Age: 23. My life was transient, I had no career, I didn’t even believe in marriage. I left my retail job in the Chicago suburbs for an unpaid newspaper internship in New Jersey. When I saw the people I loved, I always tried to make it count. Still do.

The descriptors and feeling are suffocating, right from the jump:

I only saw you a couple times last year Once at a wedding, once at a funeral I wore the same clothes to both, and I was worried you would notice ‘cause yours were impeccable

That’s me, then. Not knowing how to dress but hoping to get by anyway. I remember talking to my buddy P before buying my “work clothes” and learning you needed to match your shoes with your belt. Boyish adulthood.

The song continues, and the narrator is filled in on 5-year plans. It may be cliche to speak, but every current moment is simultaneously your youngest and oldest. Being in my early 30s now, it is so easy to scoff at anyone’s best laid plans, but I’m also the same cat who thought The Wonder Years’ “Jesus Christ, I’m 26 / All the people I graduated with / All have kids, all have wives, all have people who care if they come home at night” was life-defining, because I was the same age when that dropped, and it always hits the hardest when it’s all around you.

What I love about these lyrics are the careful observation mixed with mature-behind-his-years restraint. For a very long time in my life, I did not think I would get to be with my wife as anything more than a friend. When you are forced to come to terms with those potential realities, you must make concessions and convince yourself they’re OK. So when it’s revealed the narrator’s muse is married, he resigns himself to hopefully seeing the person more and at least being adjacent to the life they are living. It is tragic but still something. It is alternate hope in the hopeless.

I can picture myself listening to this song that wasn’t yet written while leaving a 2009 or 2010 or 2013 wedding and wishing I told her everything. But I wouldn’t have -- not then. I would have poured my heart out into a diary and quoted a line or three from this at the bottom. But that was then, this is now. 

In 2019, her new old apartment will be my new old apartment, and that will never be lost on me.

* * *

Bonus coverage. Since we are at the end of the decade, I rounded up our No. 1 song from each year and have that below:

2010: The Menzingers - “Time Tables” 2011: Jay-Z & Kanye West - “Gotta Have It” 2012: Carly Rae Jepsen - “Call Me Maybe” 2013: Kanye West - “On Sight” 2014: The Menzingers - “Where Your Heartache Exists” 2015: Big Sean f/ Kanye West - “All Your Fault” 2016: The Menzingers - “Lookers” 2017: The Menzingers - “After The Party” 2018: Horror Squad - “I Smoke The Blood” 2019: Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

* * *

It’s time to stop writing. Thank you so much for reading.

Spotify playlist is here, featuring 70 of the 75.