#yet I endure the whole thing just to listen to this one segment.

[stuckinapril]

i hate it when a song is mostly ass but it has those 15 seconds of pure bliss that makes enduring the whole thing worth it. why must there always be suffering before pleasure

[powdermelonkeg]

Missing Links: A New Hyrule

This story has a prequel called Secrets in the Breeze! Go check it out!

My Missing Links

Wind took a deep breath, savoring the scent of the breeze as blew by. It had been awhile since he'd smelled salt in the air.

It was good to be back near the ocean.

One by one, the other heroes came through the portal, which shut behind them with a blue flash. Hyrule looked at Wind curiously. "Do...you recognize this place?"

"Nope!" Wind spun around with a bright smile. "But we’re near the sea! That’s always a good sign!”

“I beg to differ,” Legend muttered, taking note of his surroundings.

It wasn’t much. They stood atop a cliff that overlooked the sea-bordering countryside, with a sparse collection of villages tucked into the nooks of the nation. But what caught the pink-haired hero’s attention most was the network of golden roads that stretched across the land, leading towards a grand tower far inland.

In the shadow of the massive building stood a castle; one the young man immediately recognized, which threw the whole tower into proportion.

It was...big.

“So, here’s the plan.”

The redheaded man slapped a map against a tree, stabbing it through with his hairpin to keep it in place. He snapped his fingers, and the circuits of his prosthetic hand lit up in timeshift blue. “We came in here,” he said, drawing a glowing X over a place in the north of the Forest Realm. “The loser that stole my control slate ran off, and we got lost chasing him. So now we’re down here.” He circled Whittleton Village.

Fox watched the hero explain with wide eyes, fixated on his glowing fingertips.

“The guy could be anywhere,” he continued. “HOWEVER, if he knows how to calibrate it right, he probably has a map updated on the slate. And if he knows what the slate does, which he has to in order to pull a stunt like he did twice in a row, then he’d head for Hyrule Castle.” Taps drew an arrow towards the castle and tower in the distance. “We’ve already lost a day just getting out of Lost Woods. He’s probably way ahead of us if we travel on foot. But if we use one of the minecart guardians people drive around here...” He traced his finger along the minecart tracks that stretched across the land. “We can probably beat him there, as long as we catch one within the next couple hours.”

He spun to face his companion, clicking the drawing rune off. “Any questions?

Fox’s hand shot in the air. “Mr. Link? How does your arm work?”

Taps gave him a flat look. “Timeshift-powered output core.” He gave his prosthetic a solid pat. “Sheikah tech. Not what we were talking about. Any relevant questions?”

“...Well...” Fox rubbed the back of his head. “The...guardian things...they take passengers, right?” He looked at the hero with big eyes. “So, don’t they charge rupees?”

Taps paused. He hadn’t considered that. “...We can stow away.���

“Absolutely not.” The Hytopian put his hands on his hips sternly. “These people have lives to live outside of us. It’s wrong to steal labor from them.”

“They’re not GONNA have lives to live if this timeline gets screwed with by my slate!”

“Then we should get money fast, shouldn’t we?”

Taps’ eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. “I didn’t exactly bring my wallet with me when I got yanked through time and space. You plan on selling your extra clothes for it?”

Fox gasped in horror, hugging his bulky luggage. “Never!”

“Well then. Not that big a problem, is it?”

Fox bit his lip. “...Give me one hour,” he finally said. “If I can’t earn us enough rupees for a trip by then, then we can talk about stowing away.”

Taps rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He held up a metal finger. “You’ve got one hour.”

Legend walked along the strange track, examining the golden triangles beneath his feet as he followed the rails. The power in them tugged at his attention, no matter how hard he tried to look away.

What were they?

“Hey.” An elbow dug into his shoulder. “Hyrule to Link, are you there?”

Legend side-eyed the offender crossly. “No.”

“Well then,” Warriors replied, smirking. “I guess that means I get your share of lunch.”

“You touch my apple pie and you find out exactly what my medallions do.”

“Ouch. Touchy.” He followed Legend’s line of sight down to the ground. “Must be an interesting road.”

Legend nodded, looking back at the tracks. “They’re...powerful,” he said, gesturing to them. “They radiate magic, and they feel...Hylian. Like they’re alive.”

Twilight shuddered. “I certainly hope they’re not,” he said, giving Epona a pat. “The last thing I want to worry about is living roads.”

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The Chain jumped in unison at the loud sound, attention forcefully torn from the Spirit Tracks at their feet.

Off in the distance, blurred by a shimmer of heat, a steam-powered machine charged down the tracks at breakneck speed. With a frown, Twilight whipped out his Hawkeye mask to get a better look.

It was HUGE; it had to be at least as tall as three horses standing on top of each other. As it rounded the bend and headed towards them, he got a good look at its segments—a house, a tray, and a cannon?

Twilight squinted, adjusting the mask’s scope. “What in Farore’s name...”

“What is it?” Time asked, raising an eyebrow.

“...Some kind of mechanical caravan.” Twilight concluded after a moment of thought, lowering the mask. “And it’s not stopping. We should move.”

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

“NOW.”

Quickly, the group got off the tracks, giving them a WIDE distance.

As the steam-powered beast approached, it let out a shrill, screeching noise, causing the heroes to clamp their hands over their ears in pain until it finally rolled to a stop with a pressurized hiss.

Time slowly lowered his hands, shaking off an involuntary shiver at the redead-esque noise. “Everyone alright?”

Hyrule groaned, rubbing his ears sorely. “I think I finally feel bad for DIgdogger...”

“We’re fine,” Four answered. “I’m going to have a headache for the next week and a half, though...”

“Tell me about it...what even WAS that?” Wind asked, scrunching up his eyes as he popped the pressure in his ears.

“‘Hoy!”

The seafarer suddenly snapped to attention at the familiar greeting.

“’Hoy!”

Link leaned out of the engine cab and waved to the band of...soldiers.

They had to be soldiers, right? They had swords and armor. Maybe there was a ceremony or something coming up.

One of the group, a young-looking boy in blue, waved back to him. “‘Hoy, stranger!”

“Everything alright?” Link called. “You look kind of...lost.”

The group looked between each other. “We kind of are,” another one said, a heavily-scarred one with a long ponytail. “Can you tell us where we are?”

“Just west of Whittleton. Where are you trying to go?”

“Hyrule Castle town,” the most heavily armored one replied. “Is it far from here?”

Link looked the group over critically. “...Not really. It’s a 20 minute ride by train. Can I ask who you guys are?”

“An orchestra!” The kid that had initially greeted him exclaimed.

“...An orchestra.”

“Yep!” He pulled out his baton. “See, I’m a conductor, and he’s got a harp, and he’s got an ocarina...”

“What are you playing, then?” Link said, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh-”

“Song of the Hero,” the friendly-looking one in the white cape supplied. “It’s a classic.”

“...Right.” Link held back a sigh, feeling like this was going to be trouble. He could just leave them...

...But this was Bulblin territory. He’d feel bad.

He could just tell the guard captain to be on the lookout once he got to Hyrule Castle. That’d keep them in line, right?

“...Do you guys want a lift?”

The train ride was such a change from walking everywhere. Granted, it had been difficult to convince Epona to climb into the passenger car with them, and Legend was sharing a VERY uncomfortable stare with a fluffle of rabbits gathered at his feet. But, for the vast majority of the heroes, it was a chance to rest their legs and watch the scenery fly by.

And it was incredible.

The only comparable thing Wind had seen in his travels was speeding around on Linebeck’s steamboat, and even that required him to be focused on not running into barrels and sandbars.

This, though? It was smooth. The train ran in a straight line, zooming by acres and acres of land without so much as a bump in the wrong direction, with endless ocean through one side of the car and towering mountains through the other. Thinking fast, he pulled out his pictobox and snapped a few shots as he went along.

When the train made its first stop, the screeching sound was notably more bearable through the barriers of the cabin walls. It still made Hyrule wince, but it was a far cry from the veritable scream they’d had to endure before.

As it finally came to a full stop, the engineer that’d picked them up peered into the cabin. “Nobody get up yet, we’re not here. I’m just picking up some more passengers.”

Time raised an eyebrow. “You do this kind of thing often?”

The stranger gave him a deadpan look. “Nope. Never in my life.” Without another word of explanation, he shut the door.

Time stared after him, taken aback.

Had he just....been sassed?

A moment later, the back door of the cabin opened, and two new passengers entered.

“I told you I could pay fare!”

“Yeah, yeah. Still think we could have saved money.”

They sat in the back seat, bickering quietly and, to Legend’s relief, attracting the fluffle away from him. As the train resumed its travel down the road, he found himself listening in to their conversation.

“-plan once we get there?”

“We start looking. Duh.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

“Look, if someone uses it, we’ll know. It’s not exactly an easy thing to- ...hide.”

Curious at what had made the newcomer trail off, Legend looked back at them over his shoulder.

The redhead—the one who had ended the conversation—was staring at Wild in shock.

The pink-haired one, on the other hand, Legend recognized instantly. His head spun; the Chain had only just gotten the means to time travel themselves, how had the Hytopian guy with the friendship tokens-?!

Feeling Legend’s gaze on him, Fox looked up, unnerved, then froze in shock as he came to the same conclusion Legend did.

I know you. You shouldn’t BE here.

Suddenly, the train heaved, throwing everyone out of their seats. The once-smooth ride came to an abrupt halt as the train derailed, skidding across the raw ground with a terrifying SCREECH before grinding to a halt and tilting precariously. Twilight and Wild both scrambled to grab Epona and brace her as the car finally tipped, landing on its side with a crash.

Silence hung in the air for one brief, panic-laced second.

Then, in an instant, the redheaded stranger shoved his companion out the back door and vaulted over the cabin seats, barreling into Wild and leaping for the front door. As Wild was abruptly yanked out of his daze, he spotted the Sheikah Slate in the thief’s hand before the redhead made his escape.

Fox stared at Taps as he ran outside. “What are you doing?!”

“Shut up, I’m focusing!” Taps said, frantically clicking through the slate. “Where is it, this layout is atrocious-”

“Did you just steal the-”

“He had my control slate!”

“They had SWORDS!”

“So do we!” Taps stopped on a screen, and sighed in relief. “Finally!” With a blue flash, he summoned his Divine Beast, wasting no time in clambering on board. “Come on, get on!”

“But my clothes-”

“HEY!”

The two time travelers looked over as Wild emerged from the train car to shame mankind, eyes blazing with fury as he raced towards them.

Fox squeaked in alarm, quickly leaping onto the Divine Beast and clinging to Taps. “Drive, DRIVE!”

Wild did his best to give chase as the duo sped off, but his mortal Hylian legs couldn’t keep up with the ingenuity of Sheikah technology. Before his very eyes, two complete strangers fled into the distance with his Divine Beast.

Link picked himself up off the ground, clutching his ribs in pain as he raced back towards his toppled train.

He had so many people on board, he had a horse back there. If any of them were hurt—

Without a moment’s thought for himself, he threw the cabin door open. “Is everyone okay?!”

Everyone jolted, reaching for their weapons in panic, when suddenly, there was a yelp of pain from the back seat.

Sky clutched his stung hand as he dropped the Master Sword, staring at the engineer in shock.

“You’re...one of us.”

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 12 rewatch thoughts

- I would like to thank them for keeping in din’s harried yet triumphant ‘hAH!!’ when he gets the explosives to stick to gideon’s ship in the ‘hey remember when this happened last season’ section, that was a nice gesture from the showrunners to me personally, I assume

- this episode actually helped me find more enjoyment in the last one, because it’s such a nice reassurance that even though they’re pulling in more stuff from other star wars media this show won’t suddenly stop being its own thing and mando won’t suddenly stop being himself and it’s very comforting to me somehow haha

- the small hesitation before din calls out “do you... do you have the wire?” lol lol lol he’s completely aware of the bizarreness of what he’s doing here but hey being alive is already so damn weird etc. 

the softness of his voice the whole way through and the fact that he never, never blames the baby for not being able to do what shouldn’t really be asked of him in the first place, tho... ;____;  

- the tiny exasperated head tilt din does when he realizes the hatch isn’t going to extend all the way fdslkfhasdlashfs  

- din is looking down at the baby the entire time while greef talks to the mechanics ❤️❤️❤️

(the baby seems pretty drawn to/excited to see greef again and mando seems to notice which is extremely cute. he’s becoming really good at tuning in with the kid) 

he also greets cara baby first in much the same way as he does peli, like he knows what the main attraction here is lol, they do a very sweet bro nod at each other. god I wish gina carano wasn’t so terrible imagine if we could just have this BrOTP without hesitations :( 

I think greef is actually a bit worried to begin with after seeing the ship, he sort of takes din in intently before he huffs a little laugh and grabs his arm. it must be a bit stressful to be his friend and not be able to see his expression right away when you worry something might be seriously wrong haha

- people are finally treating the baby like you would a real baby and it’s such a blessing, everyone talking and cooing at him and baby babbling back

(I wonder if greef has children of his own? he does have an undeniable air of experienced grandpa about him in this episode, it’s adorable)  

- din does so much talking -- unprompted, even! -- these days, it truly is an embarrassment of riches 

- capital E Emotional about this shot with IG-11 right behind din and cara inviting him into the school in front of him. some past carried with us into the future shit going on here  

IG-11′s legacy’s still got our back y’all :’) I swear to god if gideon blows up nevarro at some point I’m going to lose it 

the ‘oh yeah?/that so?’ way din leans his head back after she says “wait until you see inside” is also amazing

- baby reaching out his hand like ‘can have?’ is so polite ;______; he takes after his father (including in the ‘fool me twice, I’ll fuck you up’ department haha. listen you get one chance to be cool about it and then no more mr nice mando/baby)

-

go ahead, kid, make a fuss about it. who are you going to tell, huh? who’s going to believe you? you gonna tell them you got bested by a baby? a magic baby? no? that’s right. I took your dignity as easily as I took your macarons, there’s nothing you can do to change it, and now you gotta live with that. sweet dreams.

(this is a joke. the baby is not evil. I hate that I even have to specify this but I’ve seen some stupid shit in the tags in my time you guys haha) 

- I can’t work out what anything on greef’s desk is supposed to be, but if that’s a computer it’s got to be older than even the razor crest lol

- friends: din yes?

mando: din no, only repairs

friends: din yes please?

mando: ... [sigh] din yes 

he truly has next to no defense against people he actually likes asking him for something huh lol. well a self care co-op mission clearly did him a world of good in this one at least it’s all fine

- “I’m starting to dehydrate, Boss” is an excellent line and delivered perfectly, I cackle every time (”You park your gills right there until I say otherwise” is a good runner up too) 

- it’s so nice to see the small moments of communication between them in this one after mando was so out of sync with the team in the last one (and tbf those guys didn’t even try to give him any pointers at all, they really left him to flounder through the whole thing if you watch it carefully haha)

- the mythrol’s jacket still looks so comfy, I want one

- aaaaah the way din says “I don’t like this” is just so... hnnngh it’s perfect, there’s a vulnerability and openness to it for a moment. greef glances over at him like he hasn’t heard him sound like this before too, which just sells it even more

u ok bro?

you know shit’s fucked up when din djarin expresses an emotion without even being forced to by circumstance (I think what I mean is that it’s actually really rare for him to state how he feels about something just to do it, usually his communication is more practically oriented, more along ‘I think this is the best cause of action because of a and b’ lines, or like when he tells omera he’s grateful it’s... more to inform her of it and make sure she knows than to express himself? but he’s starting to do it more with people he trusts now and it gets me in the heart? man I’m finding this hard to articulate let’s move on lol)

- I really, really wonder about pershing’s position in all of this. his plea for the child’s life did sound genuine -- he did try to guard him with his own noodly scientist body when he thought din was out to hurt him, remember -- but is that only because he knows he’s in deep shit himself without the blood the baby can give? is he maybe not quite cool with whatever gideon has him doing? (he does sound quite strained when he talks about the ‘body’ rejecting the transfusion and the ‘volunteer’ potentially suffering the same fate... hm.)

idk why I want there to be something redeemable in him so bad, maybe it’s just my weird yet enduring attachment to ladon radim in stargate atlantis messing with me they’re kind of similar in some ways (yeah don’t ask me I don’t know either sometimes the heart wants what it wants in ways reason can’t explain)

- tfw ur literally launching yourself across a pool of boiling lava because you’re Dad and your baby’s in danger T__________T he just does not stop running towards that kid for even a single second help

- there’s something so innocently pure and... old fashioned? about the scene with mythrol and greef screaming the entire time they drive off the cliff, it feels like something out of a movie from like three decades ago. that whole segment feels a bit like that, it’s just there to be fun and that’s okay sometimes

- every dog fight in every movie should have a baby nonchalantly snacking on a cookie in them, it elevates the experience immeasurably (he squishes his nose a little bit with the macaron when he misses his mouth at one point, which is more than anyone should be expected to bear honestly)

I love that even all fixed up again the razor crest groans and creaks like an old tired thing when din makes it flip to dive, he 100% did take out a bunch of ferraris in his stalwart morris minor of a spaceship and I treasure him     

- there’s so much life and emotion in din’s voice here I can’t!!!! I simply can’t!!!! imagine if we get to hear him openly laugh one day, would I even survive it??!!!!

 also the kid makes such pitch perfect ‘having my lil nose wiped and whining about it’ baby noises when din uses his cape to clean him up (din does turn the autopilot on before he turns around to deal with it, for those who, like me, worry about these things) 

- between carson showing up and the stuff the droid talks about in the lesson they’re doing quite a bit of outer rim vs. core worlds theme building in this one, I wonder if this is going to ramp up more or what

- god but gideon’s theme SLAPS tho 

he’s probably going to try to fuck up everything I love but you can’t fault him on the tunes he’s going to do it to 

[viceprints]

TITLE: Let’s Talk About Love SUMMARY: Ji and Kane answer questions about idols dating life on their podcast “Vice After Dark”. They almost let some information slip about one of the members having a relationship with their photographer... GENRE: comedy(?), friendship. PAIRING: Platonic! Kane + Ji WORD COUNT: 1.7k WARNINGS: none

FEBRUARY, 2014

"Honey, I’m home!” Ji cheered into the air, reclining his chair back so his body angled towards the ceiling. He snapped himself forward, adjusting his headphones. “It’s been too long since our last Vice After Dark episode.”

“I’ve missed our Virtues and listeners. I felt so disconnected from them during After Dark’s hiatus.” Kane added, adjusting his microphone stand.

“But we’ve been connecting with them a lot lately, huh?” Ji grinned. “Because of our promotions, we see Virtues nearly everyday. When do you think they’ll get sick of us?”  Kane pretended to think the question over. “Hm... I give it two more days. Once they’ve seen Minho’s abs once, they’ve seen them a thousand times.”  “Yeah... I feel that...” Ji sighed, looking down at his less-chiseled abdomen. Kane laughed, clapping his hands together. 

“Anyways, I’m Ji,” Ji introduced himself to the camera. “And I’m Kane.” Kane waved. “And this is episode 31 of Vice After Dark!” Ji cheered, pressing a firecracker sound affect on his soundboard, following by clapping, a car revving, and a clip of Minho yelling ‘booyah’. 

“I forgot you had that soundboard.” Kane frowned, shaking his head slightly in disapproval.  “Oh you did? Does this setting jog your memory?” Ji smirked before pressing a button, prompting a clip of Kane saying “oh my god” with a major voice crack at the word “god”. Kane shook his head with a small smile on his face all while, giving Ji an seething look.  “No? Let me try again.” Ji pressed the button one more time. Then he pressed it again. And again. And again until Kane finally kicked his group mate under the table. 

“Ouch!” Ji scooted his chair back. While Ji was distracted, Kane took over the direction of the episode. 

“Anyways, Virtues better want to hang out for a little more, because tonight's topics are...” Kane inhaled through his teeth. “Well they’re pretty saucy.”  “Oooh, tell ‘em how saucy, Kangdae.” Ji played along. “Let’s just say... We are very lucky that this is a night-time airing, otherwise this whole episode would be censored.” Kane grinned mischievously.  “Woah, woah,” Ji put his hands up as he laughed. “It’s not that vulgar, don’t be a tease.”

“Alright, alright, it’s not that saucy, but maybe one day, who knows.” Kane shrugged. Ji shook his head and rolled his eyes.   “The day we have a saucy podcast episode, you’re getting replaced with Geonwu.” Ji said. Kane’s jaw dropped in offense. “What? Why?” The younger demanded. “Because what stories are you gonna tell? You’re gonna tell the audience about all the times you’ve made accidental eye contact with people at the airport?” Ji taunted. Kane glanced at the clock. “We’ve been recording for ten minutes and you already are causing problems...”

Ji laughed, amused at how annoyed Kane looked. “You know, I could say some really exposing things about you and your personal life.” Kane threatened, pointing a finger at Ji accusingly. “I have seen some things, Joongji.” “Nah, man, save those stories for another time. I’m not ready to be kicked out of Vice just yet.” Ji shook his head. Kane’s smile widened as he shook his head, returning to his notes. 

“Anyways, I have done some research and I managed to find a collection of questions that fans have about idols dating. I thought it would be interesting if the two of us answered them. At least, to the best of our abilities.” Kane suggested. “In other words, I’ll be the one answering the questions and you’ll pretend like you have experiences to reflect on.” Ji said. Kane pushed back his seat and stood up quickly, pretending like he was going to attack Ji. Unfortunately, Kane’s headphones were still plugged in, and his cord yanked him back towards the microphone, causing Kane’s whole set up to skew. Ji started laughing hysterically as Kane struggled to adjust his equipment. When the idol was finally settled, he sighed heavily into the microphone.  “Let’s just start the segment already.” 

“Question 1: Is it hard to plan dates when you’re an idol?” Kane posed. 

“Yes and no.” Ji answered. Kane nodded in agreement.  “Like... If the two of us want to go out to eat somewhere, you have to be really careful. I’ve actually heard of some idols like... Renting out a part of the restaurant so they could have some privacy.”  “By ‘some idols’, do you mean yourself?” Kane teased. Ji chuckled. “Nah, I’d never dropped that much money on a date unless if she was like... my wife or something.”   “’Your wife or something’. Lovely wording.” Kane teased. “Who knew you were such a romantic?” “Shut up, you know what I meant. Like a long-term girlfriend. Someone special.” Ji defended himself. “Can I ask how much you have spent on a date?” Kane asked. “Uh...” Ji pivoted his chair back and forth, thinking deeply. “Probably almost 900,000 won?”  “Jesus.” Kane blinked in shock. “I think I’ve spent probably like... almost 300,000 won on a date.” “Wasn’t that what our bill came out to for dinner the other night?” Ji teased. Kane threw his head back and chuckled. “How many times do I have to tell you, Kangdae? Taking the group out for a meal doesn’t count as a date!” Ji slammed his fist onto the table, followed by him pressing a button that signaled a sound affect of someone yelling “Loser!”, which sent Kane into a fit of laughter. 

“We didn’t even fully answer the question,” Kane reeled the conversation back in. “My answer is it’s only hard if you want to go somewhere popular.” Ji finalized. “You have to do a little extra planning if you go that route. Otherwise, at-home dates or dates to unpopular places are pretty easy and can be really fun.”  “I think going to places like the beach or hiking is really simple and easy to plan.” Kane offered.   “Ooh, how sentimental.” Ji said in a high-pitched, teasing voice. 

“Question 2: Do idols actually use Inkigayo sandwiches to flirt?” Ji read the question. 

“Yes.” Kane nodded. “They do.” “Gotten any sandwiches this promotional period, Kangdae?” Ji teased. Kane shook his head. “Unfortunately not.” Kane sighed in disappointment.  “There’s always next comeback. You know,” Ji smirked. “When your trims not so clapped.”  “I hate you.” Kane laughed, smoothing down his bangs. “I really do.” 

“Maybe you should be the sandwich giver.” Ji suggested. “You can be like-” He pressed a button and the sound board, which played a slow, sensual instrumental track.  “Hey girl...” Ji dropped his voice into a greasy drawl, getting close to the microphone. Kane pressed a hand over his eyes in embarrassment, letting out a whiny laugh. “It’s me...” Ji continued. “Bowlcut Boy. Just give me a chance girl, I know level 1 English, and you are, how you say.. Beautiful.”  “Okay, enough, enough! We’re moving on!” Kane said, miming closing a directors slate. 

“Question 3: Have you ever made a move on an idol that you’ve labeled as your ideal type?” Kane read.

“See,” Ji shifted in his seat. “Idols have celebrity crushes in the way that everyone else has celebrity crushes. I think Tiffany Young is beautiful and talented, but I probably would never ask her out.”  “You’d be lucky if Tiffany even looked at you, let alone talk to you.” Kane teased, looking satisfied that he was able to drag his friend after all the heat he’s endured this episode. Ji’s tongue poked his cheek as he nodded and leaned back from the microphone, feigning offense.

“But, no, I think it’s important to highlight to fans that when an idol has an ‘ideal type’, it doesn’t mean that the person or the attributes that they list aren’t like... The be-all-end-all.” Kane stated seriously. Ji nodded in agreement, dropping his act. 

“Right. Ideal types are garbage and don’t mean jack-” Ji used a censor sound effect to punctuate his statement, looking quite pleased with himself.

“Yes, thank you for that, Joongji.” Kane shook his head, reaching for another question. 

“Question 4: How hard is it to meet people as an idol?” Kane asked.

Ji shrugged. “I mean like... Idols meet people everywhere. ISAC is usually the time people start exchanging contact information. Or at like music shows and award ceremonies. Anywhere. Even in our own company. Like makeup artists, stylists, stage crew...” Ji gave Kane a quick, knowing glance. “Photographers-”  “Oop.” Kane’s eyes went wide.  The two of them stared at each other, their lips pressed together in thin lines to prevent themselves from laughing out loud. “Uh, anyway...” Ji tried to carry on, but Kane was laughing too hard. Across from him, the maknae removed his headphones and turned down his microphone volume so he could laugh without ruining the audio.

When Kane came back, he immediately started doing some damage control.  “Sorry, sorry, it’s an inside joke. We’re not attracted to any of our staff members,”  Now it was Ji’s turn to laugh loudly. He started flailing his feet at the huge hint that Kane just gave, knowing damn well that it would soar over their listeners heads. Woodam was going to kill the both of them if he ever played this episode back. 

“Not that we don’t think our staff members aren’t desirable!” Kane joked. “HBH has the best looking staff ever.”  “Alright, this is just getting weird.” Ji shook his hand under his chin, indicating that it was time to wrap things up. “I say we sign off for now.” 

“Vice After Dark will go back to normal airing schedule this week, so be sure to tune in next week when we invite our friend Sunmi on to talk about her upcoming album.” Kane said the usual outro, smiling at the camera.

“Until next week,” Ji raised his hand in farewell. “I’m Ji,” “And I’m Kane,”  “And this has been another episode of Vice After Dark.” Ji concluded the episode. Ji pressed play on his soundboard and their title track played through the speakers as the episode closed out. 

Once they finished recording, Kane gave Ji an anxious look.  “Do you think I should tell Woodam that I almost exposed his relationship or...?” Kane asked. Ji shook his head. “Nah dude. We covered ourselves up decently. No one’s gonna suspect a thing.” 

[williamjwatson]

Production Bias and OWL 2020

There’s… admittedly… a lot the Overwatch League has to iron out and polish in how they run, produce, and broadcast the league if they want the league to live up to the vision that they believe is possible in the long term.

I could be here forever if I wanted to go into all of it, but I want to focus on an insidious problem that I don’t think the broadcast/production staff realize is hampering the full potential enjoyment a lot of fans could have watching the games. (As the majority of league viewers are based in North America, I will be focusing on the American, or the “main” broadcast stream and social media channels.  I can’t comment on the other broadcast streams in other languages because none of them are in languages i am fluent in, so I won’t.)

That problem is Bias.

Bias emerges in many ways in OWL production.

There are overt examples:

Montecristo’s relentless dunking on the Houston Outlaws and insisting the team, its players, and its fans are trash during official broadcast and even as he is commentating Outlaws matches in a role he should be neutral in. The unified desk beating the “NYXL choking in all playoffs meme” to death while conveniently forgetting NYXL are the only two time back to back stage champions in league history, and even when the term “choking” technically isn’t relevant because they are simply being outclassed by a team that has consistently shown they can handily beat NYXL meanwhile few other teams get negative treatment as enduring Bren’s fervent backing of the Shanghai dragons, reason be damned Soe’s blatant favouritism of the Atlanta Reign in all situations because she simply loves that team more than any other.

Some of these examples can be entertaining as hell.

Others are annoying to have to be subjected to, especially if your team is the target.

There’s also much more subtle examples of bias, and these emerge more in the choice to include or omit things in production, the manner teams are discussed in desk segments, and with a whole season of footage and posts, clear patterns emerge:

The desk discussion about san francisco shock being notably more hype than discussion about vancouver titans despite both teams having the same trajectory and success over the season as a variation of above: framing every titans match as “who can defeat the titans???” meanwhile every san francisco match is “can the shock continue their streak of dominance?” as if one team inherently is a villain who must be beaten down and the other is a protagonist whose dominance is expected and accepted as the new normal as a caveat under this: being very respectful of super’s tears after stage 1 finals, and mocking bumper’s tears after stage 2 finals the desk’s respect and levity given to taimou’s mental struggles being a bench player in a meta that doesn’t cater to his skills and celebrating his return, while his teammate, EFFECT was not afforded the same respect when he had to go home for his mental health in season 1, and his return to season 2 was very much lukewarm in comparison trend towards mixed teams being lauded for performing well in a majority of their games, meanwhile full korean speaking teams get lukewarm responses even when they’re doing well, and downright mean responses when they don’t do well (there are exceptions because sometimes the records speak for themselves, ie: justice and mayhem) notable difference in how successes and failures are presented when discussing non-korean players and korean players the fact Montecristo keeps being scheduled to cast Houston Outlaws games despite his obvious and very vocal disdain for the team (this could be scheduling chance rather than choice, but even so, it makes it much harder than it needs to be for outlaws fans to enjoy watching their team play the game and the fact this isn’t seen as a problem is an unconscious issue) comparatively little or no footage of teams who don’t do comms in English being featured on the incredibly popular comms check videos, thereby hampering fan engagement and ability to relate to at least 1/3 the teams in the league (how hard is it to hire a translator to sift through footage and add subtitles?? the dragons and spark seem to do this with ease? and official broadcast shouldn’t be lacking in such resource??)

Generally, having bias isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Bren’s fervent belief in the dragons, even carried over as a meme from stage 1, is incredibly entertaining with the props and the ribbing, and in a way, Bren has his own redemption arc when the dragons really broke through that wall this season and won their first game, then kept winning until they won stage 3 entirely with stellar hardcore play.

The pre-show picks for the day are an entertaining segment, and gives the desk and analysts a chance to justify to the viewers and each other why their pick to win is the correct choice.  Sometimes it gives fans insight into what past performance, play style, and analysis should be accounted for.  Sometimes it’s just a blatant show of bias, and you know what, that’s fine. Sometimes it’s even entertaining as hell.

But sometimes Bias isn’t fun, and when the running joke about your team, or your favourite player keeps being featured even when the context is no longer there, or the talent who clearly doesn’t think much of your team keeps getting airtime to dunk on your team because some portion of viewers or production thinks it’s funny, the show stops being fun to watch.

The problem is amplified when it becomes apparent that you can’t avoid this bias if you intend to continue watching the league.  As there is only one single official English stream, featuring the same rotation of commentators and analysts and desk talent, fans have no choice but to listen and go along with the flow that the main production has set up for them, or avoid tuning into pre-and post game coverage and discussion, and watch on mute, missing out on content and strategic analysis that allows them to engage with other fans, or better understand the game at an esport level and why results turned out the way they did.  (Or watch Avast’s stream instead, which doesn’t show league footage and isn’t beholden to professional standards like official broadcast and also it’s not the OWL official broadcast which means fan disengagement.)

As an extension of that, with what the league chooses to post and broadcast, there’s also no way to access additional content the league chooses to omit to post unless your team takes the initiative to make that content themselves (Hangzhou Spark  and Shanghai Dragons open mic are both treasures and official comms check is missing out by not including their footage, among other teams: where is mayhem? dynasty? NYXL?)

So why am I discussing this? OWL is doing okay, and you can’t please everyone, right?  I obviously have my opinions, but otherwise it’s fine??

Well the thing is, OWL still very much has aspirations to grow.

I haven’t forgotten that 20 million dollar buy in.

Neither have the investors, I don’t think.

With the shift to a travelling rotating homestead schedule in four divisions next year to directly hit hometown markets and grow local communities, OWL clearly means to grow and get bigger, and that means attracting more fans and viewers and consumers, and keeping the existing fans they have.

Next year, leaving the Blizzard arena, bias no longer becomes an asset, it becomes an active, growing problem.

A significant portion of fans already find it very hard to watch and engage with pre-and post game coverage.  Fans that no longer engage with desk talent centric content, and maybe even watch games on mute are very much on their way to disengagement from the league entirely.

Furthermore, it will be significantly harder to recruit fans to support teams if the official league broadcast makes a point to tell them, before they are even engaged, that their home city team is trash and they should feel bad for thinking of supporting them for x, y, and z reasons.

Additionally, with the shift next year to local market games, the attention on the league will be amplified, and with it will come an expectation of professionalism.  There’s a clear lack of polish in this area, notably.  What happens when the Outlaws Homestead happens and Monte is not only scheduled to cast, but spends the entire time dunking on the Outlaws?  How does that look to local stakeholders?  How are Outlaws fans gonna have a good time at their own homestead while the official broadcast does them dirty?  How welcome does the broadcast feel to fans who don’t have means to attend their team’s homestands, and must engage via the official broadcast stream?

Given the single official broadcast in this language, and no announcement yet to expand the casting and desk talent cast, production needs to iron out their problems with bias, and that starts with stepping back and realizing they have a very obvious bias problem in the way they present narratives, decide what content is shown and promoted, and how often the talent team overtly supports certain teams while on air in an official capacity.  Professionalism also needs to level up, because a recent debacle on air already received negative response in the twittersphere directly from team organization stakeholders.

If the overwatch league wants to reach out to more fans, and continue growing while retaining the fanbase they already have, broadcast needs to become far more neutral in how they present the esport with this singular official broadcast, or create local based versions of official broadcast.  Unfortunately, option two is unfeasible because there is a lack of such experienced casters in the sport at this time to have the equally biased 20 local commentator broadcasts going at once.

With the singular official broadcast, this means neutral commentating without snide comments about teams casters obviously dislike.  This means desk consciously making the effort to present equal narratives to teams with similar trajectory, or equally flipping back and forth over time so a “villain” narrative isn’t constantly only dumped on one team all season.  This means hiring Korean and Chinese speaking editor or translator to help get equal team representation in fun quirky “get to know the team” segments like comms check in an official capacity instead of making the non-English speaking teams do extra work within their organization to pump their own versions of official content themselves. (Hangzhou and Shanghai may do their own open mics, but the point is they shouldn’t HAVE TO to get the same quirky fun coverage out that English speaking teams get to take for granted)

They’ve done a lot this year, expanding Danny and Emily’s roles beyond that of simply translator to give that extra interviewing representation to players who don’t feel confident speaking English, and giving them airtime to connect with their fans.  This is already mitigating the interviewing bias of last year, and giving more screen time to players who don’t speak English primarily (the Diem Carpe segment comes to mind).

I think they can do more, and I believe they have to if they want the League to live up to what they want it to be, so every fan of every team can enjoy watching as much as they can.

Source: Production Bias and OWL 2020

[cjostrander]

Creed: Human Clay

Well; i am back to another anniversary review and have decided to tackle Creed’s most well known album. It turns 20 years old this year and is something that is better to have off the list sooner than later. Let’s begin and see how well this album has stood the test of time!

Are You Ready? (Single): We begin with the first single and it begins with a middle eastern type melody to ease the listener in with some wonder before shifting into some standard mainstream rock riffs. The bass has a prominence presence in the mix and works with the drums to keep things moving in a pretty easygoing note. Scott produces a pretty strong delivery that is straightforward but infuses a good deal of relaxed rage in his vocals. The lyrics prove to be straightforward in a simplistic manner but retain ample catchiness to follow along to pleasantly. The chorus helps to push things along smoothly and will shape this up to be a safe pick for them to play live. So you know; i have seen this album played in its entirety before they ended their reunion era tours. As you guys can expect with this song and album in general; you are looking into mainstream rock n roll that won’t favors accessibility over complexity. 8/10

What If (Single): This next single is one of my favorites from the band and it begins with a sinister guitar melody that brings forth a pleasing sense of darkness and lurking tension. It sets itself up nice and easy before guitar riffs roar into one of the most powerful rockers on the album. Scott arrives with a full dose of fury in his vocals to grasp the listener’s attention. The lyrics are some of the album’s catchiest and provides ample sing along moments during the chorus. It moves along nice and steady with aggressively powerful drum bashing and focused guitar blasts. This track is a must see for during a live performance and showcases Scott’s vocals at the top of their game. The prominent presence of the bass in their music is a good move because it helps to prevent the band from feeling empty anywhere. 9/10

Beautiful: This track begins with a low but soothing guitar melody underneath Scott's casual opening. The guitars infuse a clever balance between cultural melodies and more muscular riffs to keep a steady balance for the listener to encounter. The drums deliver a decent show of aggression in the background to add to the muscle of the guitars without trying to absorb too much of the spotlight. The lyrics aren’t bad but do focus more heavily on a spoken word style and as such may risk leading the listener to some boredom due to its lower level of catchiness than on the last couple songs. The guitar solo produces a nicely melodic atmosphere and showcases some of Mark Tremonti’s early technicality without really venturing too far into it. 8/10

Say I: Guitars immediately begin this one off with a nice level of muscular force for the listener to feel engaged by. It still showcases those echoed middle eastern tinged guitar riffs that Tremonti was very prominent with during his early career. Scott takes on a more risky vocal style that is very firm and focused but ventures on with a lighter show of musical prominence than on the previous tracks. Because of that while; instrumentally it is an interesting piece to pick apart; it does progress rather slowly and risks leading the listener to a state of boredom. This is mainly due to a near absent focus on making the vocals or lyrics display a sense of catchiness to move along to. Still not a bad piece but more suited to being background music to set a rhythm; as opposed to deserving heavy focus. 7/10

Wrong Way: Echoed guitar melodies begin the song on a worldly yet gloomy tone that fits with a title of the track. Scott arrives with a lecturing style of vocals that gradually displays some interesting melodies without feeling the need to bring out the muscle from the guitars and drums. Despite feeling like a straightforward filler track it moves by pretty quickly and doesn’t do much to offend as it does to really be memorable to the listener. Hopefully the next couple tracks bring a little more magic into the album. This and the last track do a decent job of prolonging the listening experience for what it’s worth. 7/10

Faceless Man: More of the middle eastern riffs arrive to create the worldly feeling of a journey underway. Scott delivers some pretty melodic verses and the inclusion of acoustic riffs helps to give his vocals a nice texture that would showcase a solid live performance for the band. It stays nice and melodic and the lyrics should do well to keep the listener focused while the instrumentals maintain a soothing sense of relaxation that would be properly appreciated in this album. They do still bring some of their signature muscle later on in the song that will help it to be more well rounded track for mainstream rock fans.  This one definitely will also be a highlight for Scott's vocals due to the level of convincingly emotional power he develops as the song reaches its gradual ending. Definitely one of the stronger tracks that isn’t a hit. 8.5/10

Never Die: Guitars begin with an odd yet interesting echo melody that feels like waking up on a rough morning with a hangover. I mean that in a positive manner since i could see a humorous music video centered on that type of excess scenario. The vocals are good and deliver a good show of force while the drum bash around a bit more this time of some slightly angrier riffs. It keeps that chime like guitar melody running consistent throughout the song and even though it’s not bad; i could see a half engaged listener growing gradually annoyed due to its persistence. The lyrics on this one are decent and will deliver a decent focal point for a listener that is interested in it; Though i don’t envision many listeners in this genre that will really give the music that level of analysis. They do have some decent near-jam segments that will fluff its live appeal and shape this up to be another of the more well-rounded non hit tracks. 8/10

With Arms Wide Open (Single): Now these next two singles are signatures for the band and begin with a highly memorable guitar melody; which immediately lulls the listener into a deep state of ease. Scott arrives with a calm and assuring vocal presence that is full of reflection and growth. This can probably be easily viewed as containing some of the Scott’s most memorable lyrics of his career. That will be a major focal point in this track but the instrumentals do a pretty good job of emphasizing the emotion in Scott’s voice. I would definitely suggest checking this track and the next one out if just discovering the band or browsing the album; because it is a staple track that has endured pretty firmly throughout the years 9/10

Higher (Single): This next staple for the band as a whole begins with a reassuringly theraputic guitar melody but with a bit more power guitar wise than the last song. Scott enters pretty smoothly and provides it with a decent level of melody and power for the listener to be soothed by. The lyrics are decently strong and will be a good focal point for the listener and help to cement it as one of the band’s consistent live staples. As with the last track it is a pretty straightforward track that is honestly simplistic but emotionally compelling. It is surely to be around for another 20 years on the radio as long as 90′s era music remains played. But if Nickelback’s older work is still played then this band is a given; since both play to the same market for better or for worse depending on your personal taste preference. 8.5/10

Wash Away Those Tears: This is the longest track on the album at roughly 6 minutes long. It shifts the album back towards a more somber note verses the last two tracks. Scott arrives with a more echoed and angsty style in comparison to the previous material. As a result he is much less supported instrumentally and can leave this track feeling somewhat empty as a result. Instrumentals gradually do pick up in activity and help Scott to achieve some level of melody in his lyrics. It does gradually grow to hit the listener with a nicely climatic level of power and vocal emotion. It does help to make the long build up worth it even if its not screaming for attention. It would make for a good live piece to come across as long as the setlist flow is solid. As for the album flow its lengthy but keeps you occupied in a positive manner. 8/10

Inside Us All: This finale track starts off with a stronger sense of melodic urgency in the guitar riffs. It is soothing but thought provoking in terms of emotion. Scott arrives with a calming sense of melody that makes effective use of his lyrics to really grasp onto the listener’s need for theraputic release. As a result it has a decently fitting atmosphere for a finale track for this album. It keeps things straightforward as is typical but a continued ability to get you thinking whether its about the music itself or your own personal conflicts. 8/10

Overall album rating: 8.1/10

Well it got a fairly decent score and actually stood out as a much more well rounded album than i expected it to be. It is still what you would label as mainstream generic radio rock; but it is the better of the lot. It is lengthy but flows pretty smoothly as an overall album and does provide you with ample opportunity for reflection; which is hard to find in this type of music. I would rate it as being very mood oriented in terms of appreciation and is best suited for an easygoing day in which you want something with energy and some attempt at complexity without throwing the kitchen sink at you. I would suggest that you give it a listen when the mood feels right but play it in album sequence.

*Reviewer’s Pick*

[rkminhyun]

          MGA SEASON FIVE AUDITIONS     ∙     june fourteen,  hanlim multi art school

                                       𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲    :     𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄

                                                                       ↺

       he slides his hands up and down his knees as he anticipates the start of the interview.  time’s been rushing by since the process of audition day began,  but it’s the moments in between that slow down to a snail’s pace,  when he feels an impatient tick crawl up his spine.  however,  with a blink,  the interviewer is there and the new segment begins.

let’s jump right into it  --  WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE AN IDOL?

      he blinks at that.  it’s a straight-forward question,  one completely valid considering what the purpose of the whole audition was,  yet minhyun finds himself at a loss for words.

      idol?  well,  he can’t entirely say it’s been his life goal to be an idol,  on stage and performing,  but he supposes it’s not too far off from his hopeful aspirations in high school.  “i love singing,”  he starts slowly and simply,  a pondering look ever present on his features,  “maybe it sounds typical,  i know it’s been said time and time again but it’s been my aspiration for as long as i can remember.  singing is apart of who i am and i’ve always looked up to idols that endure through the most in order to achieve their dreams.”

we noticed you listed empty enigma here as part of your musical experience.  so let us ask you this  --  WHAT IS EMPTY ENIGMA?

      ah yes,  the prized question itself.  a hint of pride welcomes itself into the forefront of his smile,  and minhyun can’t help but relax a little as he speaks.  “empty enigma is a band that can be classified under the metalcore genre. currently,  it has four other members  --   HA  SUNGWOON,  KANG  DANIEL  --  both of which appeared at the mgas last year,  as well as new additions like me,  TAKADA  KENTA  and  PARK  WOOJIN.”

the interviewer nods along,  before tacking on,  AND  HOW  DOES  THE  BAND  FIT  IN WITH  YOUR  FUTURE  PLANS?

      “well,  we’ve actually just released our first studio album,  named  BETWEEN  FEAR  AND  FAITH and it’s been an interesting time.  that being said,  we collectively made the decision to give the mgas a shot this year and encouraged one another to have a go at something that will at the very least be an important learning opportunity  --  it’s rather exciting.”  he pauses,  hesitance flickering over his expression.  “other than that,  though?  i don’t know,  i guess we’ll see where life takes us.”

WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INSPIRATIONS?

      “there’s a lot,  really.  i usually find myself lost in the beat when i’m listening to dpr live and sik-k,  but i like a different variety of things.  currently finding myself listening to a lot of the jonas brother’s classics,  but others such as ariana grande,  zayn,  troye sivan too... music is just really amazing.”  he’s practically gushing at this point,  hand gestures getting bigger the more he talks  --   the topic gets him going in so many ways.  “though, would it be too boastful of me to mention empty enigma here?”  he chuckles a little,  eyes falling into a smile of their own,  tone tainted with a hint of embarrassment,  but prideful nevertheless.  “the boys have taught me a lot,  which is why i have to mention checking out the new album again,  the passion everyone has really shines through.”

last question for the day,  but an important one nevertheless.  tell us,  WHAT IS YOUR DREAM COMPANY?

      “that’s a good question,”  he says,  nodding,  as if he’s put thought into the answer.  he expected the question ever since he wrote down his choices on the application,  but to explain his number one derived out of a group decision  --  it didn’t feel like the brightest idea, and so --  “music is fun and enjoyable because you make it as such,  and i feel that’s exactly what nova has to offer,  and it would be amazing to see this dream of mine fold out within nova.”

      minhyun catches himself,  reaching up to scratch his cheek in embarrassment as he continues,  tone a little bashful.  “i’ve also had my eyes on kt since i’ve been told i might fit in well there,  but honestly?  i think the real honour would be getting offered a spot anywhere,  especially when there’s a wide variety of talent throughout each company.  being recognized and wanted by any one of them would be that dream come true,  and that’s not really up to me.”

thank you for your time,  and good luck out there!

minhyun smiles at that,  bowing as he stands.  “thank you.”

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: The Champions - Auditions 4

So, despite what I said last week about not wanting the results to be spoiled to me, some jerk in the Youtube comments gave away this week’s results (and pretty much all of the remaining results for this season...I thought the finale would at least be live, but I guess not...) Needless to say, it kinda ruined my day...

I mean, some of my favorite variety acts in the history of the show were all there...And both of the acts to advance are the two solo singers with sob stories! (That’s a lot of S’s! And S is for SIMON!!!)

But since I heard them ahead of time, I was able to go into tonight with an open mind, take the results with a pinch of salt, understand that they probably would have been quite different if it was live, everyone watching at home could vote, there were more spots, etc.

And indeed, I was overall very satisfied! Everyone tonight seemed to put everything they had into their performances, and they all had something to offer...Even some singers that I wasn’t looking forward to rose well above my expectations! While I’m still very disappointed by the results, I can at least see what circumstances led to this, and overall, this is probably my favorite Champions show so far!

So let’s rank the acts that made up this strong show...

10: Moonlight Brothers. In a night filled with strong contenders, these two stuck out like a sore thumb...Ironically, by NOT sticking out! Howie pretty much summed it all up when he basically said that America is a completely different arena than where THEY come from, because if they were on AGT, they would have been cannon fodder...But hey, I thought they were pretty entertaining and had some interesting moves...Nonetheless, there was no doubt who last place was going to...Also, GOOD GOD, I’M SO SICK OF THAT FLOSS DANCE!!!

9: Issy Simpson. Didn’t know who she was before, but now that I do, I like her! ...Except she apparently already did this same trick for her BGT audition...Ouch! That’s gonna dock her some significant points!

8: Brian Justin Crum. This is who I THOUGHT was gonna get the GB, because his story is just the right amount of “inspiring” for Simon, but he’s also proven to be one of the more exceptional singers in recent seasons...Also, the promo last week showed him in front of a glittery golden background, so I thought it was a dead giveaway...Turns out I was half right, because that apparently comes up for the OTHER act advancing as well...Anyway, yeah, I still like him, but compared to some of the other acts, I wish it went to someone else...And it’s ironic, because I was ready to accept him advancing ALONGSIDE one of my favorites over the other two singing acts...And yet, the other two actually exceeded my expectations, whereas he settled on being...BIG! Not that that’s a bad thing in and of itself, but for me it just wasn’t as compelling to listen to...But I will say, that song choice was just a natural pick for him, especially since it’s from a fellow gay man! In fact, during Season 11, I was waiting to see if he was gonna perform it...

7: Drew Lynch. I’ve always considered Drew to be quite underrated, and his jokes tonight were mostly quite solid...Maybe if the set lasted longer than 30 seconds (I know that’s an exaggeration...His stutters add at LEAST an extra minute!), he’d rank higher!

6: The Texas Tenors. Ahhh, Season 4...The year I got into AGT! I was a naive young fool back then...I was VERY prone to getting my hopes up (even more than I am now!) I was like, “Well, that Kevin Skinner guy is good and all, but he’s not as good as the other singers, so maybe the semi-finals is as far as he should go...Can’t have TOO many singers in the final round, right? Gotta make room for the variety acts...Like Acrodunk! They should TOTALLY clean up tomorrow night!” That infamous season is what ultimately prepared me for the pain I would have to endure down the road if I were to continue to watch this show...And one of the biggest pains was watching these three pretty-boys (okay, the short one’s not that pretty) make it all the way to Fourth Place on what appeared to be nothing but their Southern charm! And it’s not even that I hated them; I acknowledged that they had singing talent, and they had this schmaltzy charm to them...BUT FOURTH PLACE!? I mean, I watched some great acts get knocked out in favor of them, some of my favorite acts of the season! And these rednecks get to smile their way all the way to fourth!? It was one of my first big outrages while watching this show...But why? Again, they could sing...But there was just something about them I couldn’t stand...Anyway, I’m rambling here; The point I’m trying to make is that I actually really enjoyed them tonight! I don’t know what it is...Maybe their individual vocals have improved (because they all have uniquely great singing voices), maybe the harmony has improved...Or maybe I just feel differently about them now! I guess I’ll have to go back and re-watch their Season 4 performances and make a comparison...(I have been strongly considering watching AGT from the beginning and giving my thoughts on the older seasons, seeing how they compare with my thoughts back then in the cases of Season 4 onward...)

5: Kechi. Ooh, I felt so much outrage when I heard she was advancing over the Top 4 acts in this list (who are mostly ranked like that out of sheer bias)! With all of the acts this season (and in this episode) that make me smile, seeing her tragic disfigurement again and hearing her sad story was bound to bring down my mood, and hearing that I will see her in the finals over said joy-bringing acts brought it down even more! Going into tonight, I knew she had damn well better justify her place! ...She justified her place! BY FAR her best performance to date! I think what I like about her is that she doesn’t try to belt it out all big...I just haven’t been a big fan of hers in the past because I felt that she could USE a little more “big”! And tonight, she went just big enough while keeping it nice and balanced, and when she does that, she really can be one of the best singers! I saw a hint of that in her quarter-final performance back in Season 12, but not until tonight have I seen her full potential unleashed! That said, I think it’s pretty obvious why Simon REALLY wanted to give her the GB, and I’m convinced that as producer, he made sure to arrange her to perform this week when he gets to do that! Classic Simon...

4: Kenichi Ebina. Okay, I’m not gonna deny that my constant support of Kenichi is mostly bias, because even back in Season 8, there WAS kind of a hit and miss quality to most of his performances...But I still couldn’t help but love this guy and everything he represented! Tonight was no different; The dances were mostly limited to the DDR segment at the beginning, and then he went all big fancy effects, and didn’t do a whole lot physically from there...So I can see where Mel’s coming from...But I loved the effects, I loved the story, and I especially loved the little robot dog aiding him throughout...It wasn’t perfect; Honestly, his performances never really were...But I don’t think any AGT contestant has inspired me as much as this guy has! My respect for him transcends his performances! I guess that’s a major reason why I was so happy that he won Season 8 despite his imperfections, and why I was deep down hoping he could defend his AGT cred in Champions by at least making the finals...But I guess you can’t have them all...Nonetheless, I still can’t help but salute this guy!

3: Paul Zerdin. I guess there weren’t any big innovations like the animatronic effects he did back in Season 10, but as Howie said, this guy’s always finding unique ways to play with the art of ventriloquism...Like Darci, I would like to see new puppets from him (and voices that don’t sound like Howie doing a British Bobby Generic), but this guy still entertains me every time!

2: The Professional Regurgitator. I think everyone can take Simon’s opinions here with a grain of salt...His decision to buzz the guy while he had a razor blade in his throat on the other hand...From what I heard from Stevie ahead of time as well as his curse to Simon backstage, I can tell he’s pissed at this, even more than Heidi is! And I know this isn’t for everyone...I should know; I didn’t like this guy at first when he came on in Season 10 either...But with all the crazy tricks he pulled off, he just kept growing on me! This might not have been his best trick to date...but I’m still pretty damn impressed, however he pulled it off! And for all his talk of swallowing Paul Zerdin, perhaps the one who he SHOULD be swallowing is Simon Cowell! It would surely be a terrifying sight...But also cathartic!

1: Tape Face. I’m actually quite surprised that he managed to get into the Top 3 (or 4?) But it provided a slight bit of satisfaction to an otherwise disappointing result...Perhaps a big part of it is that he made sort of a love letter to the show while getting Howie and Terry to do much of the performing...It’s actually quite genius! But a big part of what makes this character so charming is simply his presence! I could only imagine what it would have been like if I was in the audience waiting to see what old AGT act would come onstage next, and then seeing that weird intro where he’s in shadows...and then sits up and reveals himself! I would be cheering...at least in my mind, because I’m socially awkward...Not much else to say; It’s Tape Face! ‘Nuff said!

So again, I would have liked to see at least one favorite make it alongside whatever sob story singer that Simon was inevitably gonna give the GB to...But for what we got, I’m happy! Onward to next week!

I’m actually not gonna bother ranking next week’s acts based on my support, because half of them are foreign acts who I’ve never heard of (but they all sound interesting), and the other half...Well, I can’t say there are any that I DON’T like...Let’s just say that there are two clear front-runners (though I know only one of them will go through), a singing group that I really like, a singer who I...like enough...and a magician who I like, but will surely be overshadowed by the other one who is one of the pre-mentioned front-runners (in fact, they will no doubt play up a rivalry with the two).

I guess that is all there is to say for now...

[shirlleycoyle]

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited

In November 2007, an entirely contextless video of me being punched in the face went viral. You might have seen it. It still does the rounds every couple of months, often when something notably bad happens that warrants a response of disbelief. In these strange times, it’s managed to remain endlessly prescient.

For the uninitiated, the video in question is an 11-second clip in which, aged 16, I appear wearing a dressing gown cord around my head, a chain necklace, some children’s sunglasses and a black T-shirt. I sit down and address the camera, ostensibly about to tell the viewer what I was thinking. I am immediately interrupted by my friend Tim, who appears stage left and lamps me. Rather than react in pain or anger, I err more towards disappointment and dismay, bewildered that something like this could happen. “Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this,” I said. End scene.

It’s been nearly 14 years since I uploaded the original video and to this day it still prompts questions. Who was the guy who got punched? Why did he get punched? Who punched him? What was he thinking? Why did he react that way? Why did he leave YouTube?

In recent years I’ve come to appreciate and even enjoy its bizarre status as an enduring piece of internet history, but my relationship with the clip in the decade that followed its inexorable rise hasn’t always been easy. To understand why, it’s useful to remember that the internet in 2007 was, for better or worse, a very different place.

Having spent the best part of my school years filming stupid skits with mates instead of studying, there was something semi-appealing about the prospect of being able to put videos online to share with friends. It began in mid-2003, when myself and a group of friends would have been in our early teens. Inspired by the likes of Jackass and Bam Margera’s CKY movies, our impressionable young selves set about ignoring all relevant safety warnings, hurling ourselves out of trees, riding scooters into curbs, and racing tyres down hills on skateboards.

At the age of 14 or so, I had envisaged cutting the footage into a chaotic feature-length video of “stunts.” I’d probably have soundtracked it with music from the Tony Hawk games, alongside countless other homemade skate videos people made circa 2003 that probably featured a mix of Ace of Spades or Guerilla Radio. I still have a box full of VHS-C tapes kicking around somewhere, which can only be viewed on one of those absolutely insane VHS adapters. Having not watched any of it in well over a decade, I can safely say that the content contained within those tapes is unequivocally shit.

All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in.

Looking back, the whole endeavour was entirely aimless, but aside from coming away with mild head injuries from time to time it was an innocuous way to spend my childhood. At the very least it also means I have a bizarre, tangible record of my youth that I’ll be able to laugh at one day when I’m old and wizened.

By summer 2004, we had started filming on Mini-DV, which opened up a whole new world of editing possibilities. Plugging a video camera into a computer and capturing footage directly to editing software is pretty much a given for today’s generation of content creators, but back in the early 2000s, this was revolutionary.

We’d eventually gravitate away from ‘stunts’ towards more structured skits and sketches. Nothing was ever scripted per se, but we’d usually start out with a rough idea of something and see how it played out.

There was an ambitiously misguided 'silent horror' short, soundtracked by Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells, in which someone chopped off ‘my cock’ (a banana) with a garden shear. We considered this to be the absolute pinnacle of comedy.

There was an ill-advised 'Ballers' skit in which we ventured out in sports gear to make a mock training video taking the piss out of a guy at school who fancied himself as a bit of a gangster; this painfully middle-class white kid who listened to rap metal and liked basketball. He obviously never saw it and there's no question that we looked like idiots filming it at the local park. It’s probably quite offensive in hindsight.

The author at the Bristol Climate Change Protests in September 2019. Image: Shanya Buultjens

There was a James Bond 'spoof' that involved misquoting portions of dialogue from that scene in GoldenEye where Q gives Bond an exploding pen. It was funny to about three people. One of them was my mum.

One time a mate of mine fell out of a tree when he tried to swing from a branch. He landed on his back and ended up coughing up blood. He didn’t go to the hospital even though he probably should have. He’s now a doctor and a father.

Mercifully, none of this stuff ever made it online, but I did sell a couple of DVDs to people at school who rightly/probably/hopefully never watched them. In an ideal world, I'd own the only copies. I'm also fully aware that writing about this now only makes it more likely that one of the four people that still have a copy will dig theirs out. Please do not do that.

In 2005 and 2006, YouTube was very much in its infancy. This was the time when clips were limited to about 100mb and you could only upload about 30 seconds worth of footage at a time, which basically made it perfect for bursts of frenetic, inane content. As the platform grew, it became a dumping ground for skits and footage that we’d accumulated over the preceding years. Much of it went completely unnoticed until late 2007, at which point things started to get a bit weird.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it.

The clip that people have come to know started out as an aimless skit filmed in Summer 2006. We hadn’t planned anything, least of all me being punched. In the footage building up to the event, I pushed Tim off the chair, he fell and hit his head on a filing cabinet off-camera. Rather than react to Tim, I sat down and proceeded to ad lib something that I’d venture to guess would have been considerably less funny than the act of violence that followed. Unprompted, Tim upsided me and I reacted with an inexplicable, completely incredulous response, which has followed me online ever since.

The footage sat on a tape until July 2007 when I decided to upload a brief segment under an ambiguous title. Fast forward to November and the video had somehow blown up, had its comments section relentlessly spammed, been ripped countless times and had offensive Wiki pages written about it. I also received a few direct messages which could at best have been described as ‘worrying’ and at worst ‘threatening,’ which was nice.

To this day, I’m none the wiser as to how it blew up in the way it did. I originally uploaded the video under the title ‘ ___________’ but the video somehow found its way onto 4chan where it spread like wildfire. The earliest mirrored link I could find was from January 2008, by which time it had been re-uploaded by multiple accounts, the most prominent of which had already clocked up almost double the number of views compared to my original upload.

At the time, going viral wasn't really comparable to any other experience and it certainly wasn't something I could discuss in solidarity with my friends. All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in. After yanking down several other videos on my YouTube channel, I opted for the latter.

When the video blew up, I got a call from a friend who informed me that the video had made the front page of Break.com. I peripherally knew what that meant: they offered a buyout scheme for videos that made the front page, which meant that I could make some money from it.

As it transpired, this wasn’t such a great idea. After signing a release form with some pretty appalling terms, over the following months I had several unnerving interactions with researchers for various TV shows looking to license the clip. Each offered far more favourable terms than those of Break. One of them harassed a bunch of my mates on Facebook. I think he even offered to pay one of them for my contact details.

By that point, it was all too apparent that I had completely fucked it. Break had the rights and I couldn't do anything with it even if I wanted to. At just 18 years old, I had sold out. In the short term, I used the money to buy a TV, which was great, but I soon started to get the creeping feeling that this was a decision that would come to haunt me. At that point, it was easier to disassociate myself from the clip, abandon YouTube, and move on with my life.

And yet, for the best part of 14 years the questions have kept coming: no, it wasn’t staged or scripted, it wasn’t a set-up, I didn’t know it was coming and, yes, it hurt. It was also very funny, which is presumably why I felt the need to upload it in isolation in the first place. Incidentally, Tim and I are still friends and contrary to some of the absolutely insane comments people leave on YouTube I can confirm that neither of us are in prison, the punch wasn’t a reaction to some sort of disagreement and he’s a lovely bloke.

To be clear, the lack of context wasn’t a deliberate choice to add intrigue either. I’d never even considered the possibility that anyone outside my circle of friends would see it. To me it was just another daft clip that a few mates would find funny.

Around the time I’d started to make peace with the issues around ownership, in 2018 it came to my attention that Break had shut down and its owner Defy Media had gone bust. The site was subsequently purchased by Yeah1 Network, but to this day I have no clarity whatsoever on my legal rights to the video. Any attempts to receive guidance have either turned up dead ends, or led to suggestions that I speak to IP lawyers, whom I have neither the means nor the time to deal with. Incidentally, if anyone has any insights in that area, I’d love to hear them.

Having said this, there’s something quite empowering in taking something embarrassing and admitting to it before someone else can point it out to you—a bit like taking ownership of an amusing surname. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what gags can be made from the name ‘Weedon,’ but I learned quite early on that if you make the jokes yourself and beat others to it, no one can fucking touch you. It’s much easier nowadays to hold my hands up and admit that I shouldn’t have sold the rights, make a joke of it and move on. At the very least, it makes for a good anecdote at parties.

As I suspect is probably the case for old content creators, if you can even call us that, the real story about I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This isn’t in how it’s aged and endured, or even how it’s impacted my life. For me, it’s tied up in issues of rights, ownership, and monetisation. As mercenary as it might be, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t regret missing out on a slice of the pie when it came to YouTubers being able to monetise their content sooner. On the one hand, that's probably a very cynical view for something that was created by a bunch of teenagers who were fooling around making videos for fun in the noughties, but on the other, that's just the world we live in now.

Perhaps the strangest thing about my experience with it nowadays is the way people engage with it on a day-to-day basis. The comments vary from young people discovering its origins for the first time, surprised to discover that it is in fact a 14 year old video and not a recent creation filmed for Vine or TikTok. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are incredulous that someone with a video that has 9.2 million views and an account that’s amassed over 15,000 followers without really trying would step away from the platform and not want to make content.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it. I love seeing how it’s been re-interpreted in modern mediums and that positive association has made it easier to accept. Charles Cornell turned it into a sad song. It got sampled in a KIll The Noise track. I had a nice interaction with The Sidemen about it. Will Smith even featured it in an insane Instagram post during the pandemic. I DM’d him to say thanks and he obviously didn’t reply.

To that end, a small group of us have recently started work on a film project exploring the nature of the meme, how it grew, its impact on my life and my relationship with the internet at large. In doing so, the hope is that, while answering some of the burning questions that other people still seem to have, I’ll ultimately be able to make peace with the whole thing.

@Twotafkap

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[montanababe7]

Jesus had me write this many years ago. All this to say-Without Jesus, I am nothing.  with Jesus-I have everything!

 when I had given up on life, HE never gave up on me: JESUS THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS!!! The Journey that HE has taken me on and loving and trusting HIM through the valleys and also remembering HIS Promises-that the things that HE has for us are grand and the best is yet to come! In this year, get ready ready to see HIS GLORY, MAJESTY and POWER fall and come in a way like you have never even seen before, encountered, or ever experienced. Get ready to get immersed and go deep and be drawn into HIS EVERLASTING LOVE AND PRESENCE. The story you are about to read is true. Jesus had me re-write my personal story several years back, and now Jesus has had me bring back to memory on today on June 12th, of 2010 some very precious things to my mind-for remember that when we obey HIM...no matter how horrific or hard the trials may seem to be at the time..when we are placing our hope and our trust in HIM when we are looking back years down the road that we will be able to see the beautiful story line that has actually been written and has also been orchestrated and also brought about through God's everlasting and amazing hand . I asked Jesus to show me some of the things that I had forgotten. This is a story and a life that could only be here to share this story with you today because OF HIS EVERLASTING GREAT LOVE and MERCY! none of it is me! All the GLORY AND THE HONOR GOES alone to HE WHO WAS, WHO IS, and WHO IS TO COME! Praise God Almighty of all Heaven and of all earth. He is forever faithful to HIS WORDS AND PROMISES. TRUST HIM WITH YOUR WHOLE LIFE! WITH ALL THAT YOU ARE AND WITH ALL THAT YOU HAVE! Trust and focus on HIM-on HIM and HIM alone can bring TRUE FULFILLMENT INTO YOUR LIFE! GET READY TO BE IMMERSED! AND to be forever CHANGED BECAUSE OF WHO HE IS! It doesn't matter what you may or may not have done in the past! HE loves you. AND HE CHOOSES you for HIS OWN! REST IN HIM! TRUE SURRENDER IS FOUND in (dying) to yourself and giving HIM all that you are and all that you have: One has the choice to either become bitter or compassionate. (This is my story) I went through alot during high school; and this verse reminds me of God's glory and where He has brought me thus far today, and I know what He shall continue do for HIS everlasting eternal glory as well: Genesis 50:20 (The Message) 19-21 Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart." During my Freshman year in high school, (I went to a small private homeschooling one for that year), everyday I would ask the girls if they would like to hang out with me, and they would always tell me that they were busy and that they would not be able to. Then, they would turn back around to their friends and explain why they would be able to hang out with each other after school. This went on everyday of the school year, and since I was so hurt by that and how I was being treated by them--I tried to commit suicide twice. I am so thankful that Jesus did not allow me to go through with it. ***During the hardest moment of my life--Jesus spoke to my heart and to my ears and said to me, "Jessica, I have loved you with an everlasting love. If you choose to end your life now, the blood of millions will be on your hands." And during that time that He was speaking to my heart...HE had shown me an OPEN vision of hell...I heard the screams, and I saw the souls of those who had refused him...the souls of the damned...everlasting eternal judgment in hell. The very sight of seeing those souls falling into the very pits of hell...shook me to my VERY core....FRIENDS, eternity is forever....it will NEVER be a time for one to be playing games. Yes, eternity is FOREVER....what will you choose...will you be in the wondrous, beautiful, absolutely breathtaking glories of Heaven, or......will you be in the absolute ravenous, horrendous, decaying, putrefying, effects of hell. The Bible calls this place...Sheol....which is known as the place of the dead. of a place of rotting...of a place of decay..dear friends, you never want anyone to go here ever.....there is absolutely.... no life here. there is only agony, endless hours of torment that will last one soul for an eternity, in a place where the heat and the fires are so hot that if one were to endure these flames while they were on earth, that they would not survive. In Mark 9:48 it has this to say about this dreadful place, "Mark 9:48"Where their worm [[a]which preys on the inhabitants and is a symbol of the wounds inflicted on the man himself by his sins] does not die, and the fire is not put out." Hell is a very real place. The screams that I heard while I was shown that vision by Jesus-there were screams of such pain and torment..that no earthly mortal man woman or child on this planet has ever even known...it was a cry of the damned...a cry of excruciating...a torment that is not human...a non-EARTHLY torment. And ever since that time; the PASSION for SOULS has BECOME even GREATER. I DO NOT want to see ANYONE go to hell. JESUS PAID the ULTIMATE PRICE FOR THEM! My Dear friends, it is my prayer that even while you are listening to this song: (Crystal Lewis - just as I am/ I surrender all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw7cRPykjc4 ) ....that if you don't know Him as your very personal Lord and Savior...and if you were to die today...and you don't know where you would eternity..and you want to know beyond a shadow of doubt...that if you died today that you would go to Heaven, then pray this prayer with me...Jesus, I just want to thank you so very much for dying for ME on the cross. Thank you so much for your love and also for the sacrifice that you have made just for me-just for me knowing that even if I was the only one that was on this earth that you still would have came and died just for me. Jesus please come into my heart and thank you so much for writing and recording my Name down in the Lamb's Book of Life. Thank you Father God so much for your love and for sending your precious Son down to this earth to save me from my sins and to redeem me! Thank you so much Father God. Thank you. Love your Child. (Even as you are reading the following segments of my high school story-please know this, that no matter how difficult or how trying your present situation might be...Jesus is the very one who will never abandon you....one who will NEVER ever reject you...He loves you....even during those times in my life....that I thought that I was dying on the inside...everyday when I woke up I said this to Jesus, " Jesus, Thank you for giving me just one more day.If I'm in Heaven tomorrow..that means that I will be in Heaven in everlasting eternity with you..that's fine...thank you for keeping me safe today. I trust you. thank you for helping me to protect my heart..no matter how hard this day might be I know that I have you right beside me to carry me all along the way through this" "I Am Not Alone" By Natalie Grant (FULL) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPfTrVl_pzA You're Here In My Heart You're the Light That Guides Me Through The Dark You Walk Beside Me The Night Seems Cold Each Time I Fall Your Arms Are There To Hold Chorus: You Walk Beside Me Giving Strength I've Never Known I Am Not Alone You Walk Beside Me You're Here In My Mind I talk To You And All My Fears Unwind I Know I'm Loved For who I am You Make Me Wanna Be The Best I can Repeat Chorus And I rely on your patience When I face the unknown and because of you I am not alone In the sun, In the rain Through the good times and the pain I reach out for your hand I know that you understand Repeat Chorus ...looking back, this is the poem that speaks to me the most... (Footprints Poem)'One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord. When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma. "Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me." He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." Remember that, no matter what your current situation might be-what you might be facing right now, Jesus will NEVER leave your side ever, He loves you :)... During my Sophomore year, I was new to the public school in my town. I was chosen to be the homecoming representative for my Sophomore class; and the very next day I found a note in my locker that said, "The only real reason why you were chosen is because you are a huge joke and you are only a pawn in the game, and the whole school hates you. -Signed, Anonymous." And afterwards, some of the girls came at me like lions with their claws out. My grades went down tremendously for a short time, as well as, during the cross country season. Where I was running in the Junior High Level; and the girls that did not like me were running in the Junior Varsity and on the Varsity Level. They decided with some of their friends, that they were going to come back to where I was running and knock me down--this happened several times.  Needless to say, I was absolutely terrified--and every single day I gave everything to Jesus. (My fears, my concerns, and my what-ifs?). I was always kind to them, and I never said one unkind thing to them and I always forgave them. During my Junior year, while the cross country season was going on--some of the girls decided to play a mean trick on me. They told me that they were going to do something that had to do with cross country tradition. In my mind, I thought that it was going to be a memorable time, but it turned out to be a very horrific experience for me. Two of the girls on the team, decided to pull my shorts down in front of all of the football players and then another time in front of all of the cross country guys at a sectional meet. During the middle of that year, in my Sociology class--the topic of aids came up and I told my class that the only real way to prevent aids was Abstinence. There was a two week debate that went on: with the controversy of Condoms vs. Abstinence. The whole school was mad at me for what my standards and opinions were. This Foreign exchange student--who was from Norway, she decided to yell at me since I was not ashamed to be a Christian and that I was standing up for Purity. All of my friends just watched her yell at me. It broke my heart to realize that they did not care enough about my friendship with with them--to stand up for me. I chose to serve Jesus with everything in me, instead of wanting to become popular. There would be so many times that I would ask Jesus, "Why am I going through this? Why does this have to hurt so much?" I lost all of my friends during my Junior year. I would always be sitting alone in the cafeteria, and other times I would I would be reading my Bible next to my locker. When I was typing up Bible verses on the computer, all I could think was, "God, I FEEL like I am DYING on the INSIDE!" JESUS, HELP me--PLEASE HELP me to stay STRONG. I CAN'T do this on my OWN. I CAN'T do this WITHOUT YOU!" There would often be tear stains on the pages. I never cried in front of anyone at school; but when I got home--I would BEGIN to POUR my heart out to my HEAVENLY FATHER, and tell HIM everything that was going ON. ***IN those moments, I could feel HIS LOVING ARMS AROUND me. TELLING me that it was going to be alright. THAT HE would NEVER leave me NOR would HE EVER forsake me. HE SHOWED me that DURING those TIMES I cried, HE was CRYING WITH me. At the end of my Junior year, two girls who were in my cross country team, pulled me into the locker room and said to me, "You are no longer welcome at our school. If you want to speak about your religion and your ridiculous beliefs--you should go to a small little churchy school--where people will actually want to listen to what you are saying." At that moment, I truly felt like Peter and the other Apostles when the pharisees told them that were to no longer speak of or to even mention this Jesus Christ of Nazareth. But the disciples told them, It is far better to obey God than man. We will NEVER stop PREACHING this gospel." Genesis 50:20 (The Message) 19-21 Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart." The thing that these very two precious girls did not understand at the time was that they were actually prophesying about the Bible School that I would be going to this fall! Glory to God! And the school is about 200 or so people. SO the school is a Small Bible College-so what these two girls intended to say to crush me with their words,,,years down the road NOW in 2010, I can NOW see that had God intended ALL of this for HIS GOOD! During my Senior year, I decided to start a Christian club. It was also titled: Pilgrim's Progress: Life is a Journey. The meetings were every Wednesday morning from 7:15-7:40. (I was always there by 7). It was based on leading people to Jesus and promoting purity. Kids would knock me down in the hallways, and they would push the books out of my arms, and they also chose to tear down many of the posters that I had taped around the school hallways. Several had chosen to write some very nasty and vulgar comments on the posters. The very girls who were so cruel to me during my Sophomore and Junior years, and the girls who were on my Cross Country Team became more respectful to me. ! My heart's cry during high school was to be Jesus to the world. HE did SAY that in this life that we would experience heartache, pain, and trials; but to know that HE has OVERCOME the world!!!!!!!!!! Imagine me without you w/lyrics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB7iehGN8JE&feature=related As long as stars shine down from heaven And the rivers run into the sea Til the end of time forever You’re the only love I’ll need In my life you’re all that matters In my eyes the only truth I see When my hopes and dreams have shattered You’re the one that’s there for me When I found you I was blessed And I will never leave you, I need you Chorus: Imagine me without you I’d be lost and so confused I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid Without you there to see me through Imagine me without you Lord, you know it’s just impossible Because of you, it’s all brand new My life is now worthwhile I can’t imagine me without you When you caught me I was falling You’re love lifted me back on my feet It was like you heard me calling And you rush to set me free When I found you I was blessed And I will never leave you, I need you Chorus When I found you I was blessed And I will never leave you, I need you oh Chorus I can’t imagine me without you Friends, God has never promised us that in this life that we would have it EASY-but to know that He would always be with us. That He would never leave our side. But that He would always be with us. That He would never leave US, and nor would He ever forsake US! You are so loved by HIM! At the end of my Senior year, I was taking a class that dealt with alot of research work, and at the end of the semester everyone had to give a presentation on the topic of their choice. I chose to use my platform on Abstinence. The presentation was about thirty-five minutes. The thing that I thought was rather strange was the fact that when I began to address the group,the room was very cool. One of the things that I spoke about was the fact that there is no condom or birth control pill that can guarantee you that will not have a broken heart in the end. There are so many PRECIOUS girls that choose to give themselves away, and the very next morning they discover that they are alone. I also talked about the beautiful and redeeming truth that Jesus can give anyone a second chance in that area in their life if they choose to ask HIM for it. And that it is not too late. For a BRIEF second, and many of the girls began to tear up---but within a short time; their eyes became hard again. And SUDDENLY the room became very hot. When I finished giving the presentation, everyone said that they hated me. When I walked into the girls bathroom, all of the girls from my research class were standing in a corner talking about me, and asked if I wanted to join them. I turned...and walked away. **Throughout my high school career, I had received two nicknames-that spoke about my stance on Purity. One of the nicknames was "Prude" and the other one was "Mom". There is a story that goes along with the reason why I was called "mom"-I was always telling guys to grow up, to not look at girlie magazines, and to start treating girls with the utmost honor, dignity, and also RESPECT. And because of this, many times as I would be walking down the school hallway to my locker-the area was known as the "Senior Hallway"...as I was making my way there, the guys would part a line in the hallway-which reminded me of the time in the Bible when Moses had used the Staff that God given to him when he had parted the Red Sea. In the time during our senior awards-it was also the time when our class was preparing for the graduation process. Our student President was calling students up to receive their various awards that the other students in our grade had voted on..."most athletic, most popular, best class smile." It was during that time, when one of the guys stood up and had this to say, "If any guy ever tries to ask Jessica Farnam out; she will deny him so fast that he won't know what hit him."  ***During the whole summer after my graduation, no one called me. The one thing that Jesus kept on showing me that I was in the desert period--and during that difficult and trying season; it was a time of preparation for something great! Genesis 50:20 (The Message) 19-21 Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart." I want you to know that no matter how hard your life may seem to be at the time, God's desire is for us to be remembering HIS Promises....about 5-8 years ago I would have had no idea that I would be writing each of you the many parts of the story and also the journey of my life...and also the fact that the very thing that these very two precious girls had spoken negatively to my heart about years ago, that God would be pivot-ally using for his glory to be launching me into a Bible School where my heart will be used to be speaking to and also praying with the very age group that had caused me to vow at one point in my life that I would never again want to step foot in a public high school ever again. Working and also being used by HIS everlasting eternal glories in the Ministries of Love and also of Reconciliation. One beautiful thing that I am remembering even right now is this, now about five years ago-one of the girls who had been so very cruel to me and then who had became a dear friend, had said this to me the morning of our senior lock-in party that was hosted at the Middle School at around 6:30 a.m. in the morning, with tears in her eyes she had said this to me,"Jessica, Please promise me...don't ever change." I have cared deeply for my classmates for years, and even though our opinions have been different--through the test of time--they know that I care about them. When people have deeply hurt us in the past; are we going to be harsh and cruel back to them, or are we going to try to make a difference in their lives and love them like Jesus loves them? ~Remember, that SOMETIMES hurting people HURT people; and what they REALLY NEED IS....UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! This song that has been written and sung by Avalon....is also my story of what God has done in my life. I can't live a day without HIM. So as you are listening to the Words of the this song....just allow HIM to simply love on you and for you to know that there is absolutely NOTHING greater in this entire world than JESUS. SO remember, the next time you feel like giving up, giving up all hope, and when everything seems black...that there is no more life inside of you...remember that JESUS has never given up on you....but HE has always been there...loving you and simply cheering you on. Telling you that you can make it...that you can do it and stay strong no matter how hard the the things, circumstances, or situations may be...He will always there by your side. HE is THE greatest and best friend that you and I will ever have. Oh my Dear friends, remember, we are the reason why He gave us HIS life-because He loved us so much that He didn't want to spend eternity in HEAVEN without us. This song...is my song, but it can also be yours too. Just simply allow HIM to love on you and to show you how much HE always loved you. That it doesn't matter what you've done, where you've been, or what you've seen. JESUS LOVES YOU AND HE HAS SUCH A GREAT PLAN AND A PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE CHERISHED AND ARE CHOSEN BY AND FOR HIM FOR HIS GLORY AND FOR HIS HEART! YOU ARE HIS REST IN HIS LOVE FOREVER AND ALWAYS....REST THERE IN HIS LOVE AND IN HIS EVERLASTING PRESENCE. FOR REMEMBER, HE CARES FOR YOU...AND LOVES YOU SO VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH! If you are one who has never even known or has never even received the Father's love and this message has been speaking to not only your heart but also to your spiritman this entire time and you want to receive and to also know the Father's love personally-not just hearing about this man who is called Jesus, but that He suddenly is NOW becoming your everything and lives and also abides on the inside of your heart. That there is such a peace in your heart about knowing that YES you do have everlasting eternal life... Philippians 4:7 that truly does surpass all understanding. God's desire is to see the lost, the hurting, and the broken hearts of this nation and around this world BE totally set FREE by HIS love. Yes, the pressures of this day can be tough. The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy our very dreams, our lives, who we are, and it all begins is with causing us to question-to doubt-to ponder-to contradict who God has called us to be, that did God really make us special? There are many of you WHO even right now are saying this to God, 'But you don't even know me, what about the situation where I have been? Huh? what about the great big party scene that is soo hot.where..all of my friends are there? Did you see that I was pushed around, didn't you see me with one two many swigs of beers? didn't you see me messin around with all of the guys and the girls? Didn't you see me wasting my life away? Where were you when my life was so messed up. when I was crying my eyes out. What has your religion-your love ever done for me. I mean ya sure I have seen those Jesus thumpers. Those who claim to know so much about you and your 'amazing love' why would you even want me? i mean after ALL that i have done. After all of the cussin the I said and all of those things that I swore up and down. What about when my old man used to beat me so many nights and what about my old lady who was so high as the sky that she didn't even know what the next day was? Where were you huh when I was abused? Why do you even care? I mean I have been wanting love-but I guess I have been looking for it in all of the wrong places. I have always wanted to know that there is someone who would never leave me or ever forsake me. But then again, I see those Christians those people who tell me that you Jesus have changed their life...I see the love of God I guess that's what it is. I see so much bright light in their eyes and in their entire countenance. They come to work with all smiles even when everyone else is having a bad day...I mean what gives...I don't understand it. I mean sure I try to act all cool and tough on the outside ...but deep down i mean man...I'm dying on the inside....I want to know that peace that they are talkin about that you are offerin to ME. that your love is real. And that it will take all of my problemz away that you will change me. With your amazing blood. But then again, when I am around those who say that they are yours and belong to you..I feel so much LOVE. Far more than I ever had when I was getting high-getting drunk or having fun at a party. Jesus, if you are real. than I want to know you. I want to know your love. I am tired of always trying to be cool-and then coming back home to my room and feeling totally empty on the inside so totally wasted and deflated. Jesus I want to know you. I want you to be my very everything.' And the enemy of our souls has been trying to use the lies of the voices of those people who are all around us...that are trying plant in little seeds of doubt. Just as the way as God plants little mustard seeds of hope and of light Matt. 13:31,32; Mark 4:30-32; Luke 13:18,19, so in the same way the enemy is trying to sow in seeds of discord and disunity among/amongst the brethren! And even now, young people and adults alike God is offering you hope right now. And this hope cannot be FOUND in the methods or in the means of this life of this world....but it CAN only be found through the blood and the love of Jesus. And if this is you today, you need a hope, and a friend who will never let you down. Call on Jesus right now. IN God's Word He tells in Romans 10:9-13 that if you confess with your mouth and if you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead than you shall be saved! Then Pray this Prayer with me right now, Jesus, I just want to thank you so very much for dying for ME on the cross. Thank you so much for your love and also for the sacrifice that you have made just for me-just for me knowing that even if I was the only one that was on this earth that you still would have came and died just for me. Jesus please come into my heart and thank you so much for writing and recording my Name down in the Lamb's Book of Life. Thank you Father God so much for your love and for sending your precious Son down to this earth to save me from my sins and to redeem me! Thank you so much Father God. Thank you. Love your Child. Romans 10:9-13 My dear friend, the prayer that you just prayed, is not only a prayer but it is ALSO a declaration of Making Jesus being the Lord and Savior of your life and of also being your King. For you see,that when you prayed that prayer, your heart has been wiped clean. All of those things that you have done wrong in the past-He has forever wiped away forever clean by HIS blood that He has shed for YOU on that cross. And the peace that you are going to be feeling in your heart-is one that no one or not even ANYONE in this world can begin to compare to the peace that He shall bring to your heart through HIS love EVEN RIGHT NOW. Now, please go and tell everyone, all of your friends, your neighbors, those who are dear to you, AND everyone about what our Dear Lord and Savior Jesus has Just done for you! Get ready to see God truly do such a deep change not only in your life, but also in that of the lives that are living and are around you. They will see the change that has not only taken place in your life-but they will also see the reason. They will also be able to begin to see the Father's love in your eyes. And the peace that also will be exhibiting so much in your life! Welcome into the Family of God my dear friend, welcome! Also, get ready to see the changed lives that are about take PLACE ALL around you. For you see, when you begin to share with others what Jesus has just done for you in your life this is also a part of your testimony...and the story of what you can share with others. This is A part of your battle cry, and of God is calling you out to now go and to Choose to go and make a stand and also a difference for HIM in this nation and also all around the four corners of this earth/world-showing others HIS love. And of the change that HAS taken place in your life! You will be glad that you did...so glad that you did! God bless you as you continue embark with me and so many others of us as we continue to press even deeper into Father God's Side and telling others-so many others about what God has just done and will continue doing in EACH and EVERY ONE of our Lives! God bless you always, Jessica Can't Live A Day - Avalon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGCQnwn2hIQ I could live life alone And never feel the longings of my heart The healing warmth of someone's arms And I could live without dreams And never know the thrill of what could be With every star so far and out of reach I could live with many things And I could carry, but...I couldn't face my life tomorrow Without Your hope in my heart I know I can't live a day without You Lord, there's no night and there's now morning Without Your loving arms to hold me You're the heartbeat of all I do I can't live a day without you I could travel the world See all the wonders beautiful to me They'd only make me think of You And I could have all life offers Riches that were far beyond compare To grant my wish without a care Oh, I could do anything And I could carry on, oh yes But if you weren't in at all... Jesus, I live because You live You're like the air I breathe Oh Jesus, oh, I have because You give You're everything to me Oh... Mercy Seat by Vicki Yohe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ7BFCOowzE&feature=PlayList&p=3DCC273D1C1788B8&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5 In the darkness Where everything is unknown I face the power of sin on my own I did not know of a place I could go Where I could find a way to Heal my wounded soul. He said that I could come into His presence without fear Into the Holy Place where His mercy hovers near I'm runnin' I'm runnin' I'm runnin' to the mercy seat Where Jesus is callin' he said His grace would cover me His blood will flow freely It will provide the healin' Come runnin' to the mercy seat I'm runnin; to the mercy seat. Are you livin' where hope has not been? You're lost in the curse of a Lifetime of sin Lovely illusions they never Come true I know where there's a place Of mercy for you He said that you could come into his Presence without fear Into this Holy Place Where his presence hovers near. Come runnin' come runnin' Come runnin' to the mercy seat Where Jesus is callin' He said his Grace would cover you. His blood Will flow freely it will provide the healin' Come runnin' to the mercy seat I'm runnin' to the mercy seat He said that you could come into His presence Without fear into the holy place Where His mercy hovers near

[shitloadsofwrestling]

Anthony Carelli issues statement regarding Jim Cornette incident [October 10th, 2017]

In 2005, an incident occurred at Ohio Valley Wrestling that ended with student Anthony Carelli (later known as Santino Marella) being slapped by Jim Cornette, which led to Cornette being fired from OVW. 12 years later, after a multitude of burials from Cornette, he finally came face to face with Carelli last weekend at the XICW Cobo Legends convention, in an incident that was caught on camera. Carelli later issued the following statement:

Hi everyone, ok so here’s my one-and-only official statement regarding Cornette. He can definitely dish it out so lets see if he can take it too.  You will soon identify a reoccurring theme here, he’s complete bullshit, from head to toe.  My original stance from day one was to just let him rant and NOT to stoop to his level, and I tried to for a long time, but sometimes a brother gots to set things straight.  Its important to note that Cornette has been lying for so long about all this stuff that he actually believes it like an actually memory.   Some would say he’s a good bull-shitter.  But it’s actually called being a compulsive liar.  

12 years ago I moved to Louisville to train at OVW, after a month of the beginners class I was invited to the intermediate class where I would train with the legendary Rip Rogers.  At that time I was also invited to come and watch an OVW TV taping.  Upon arrival to my first ever TV taping I was told I could sit in the student area in the audience.  Keep in mind I’m with my daughter and simply a member of the audience, or so I thought.

The show starts, its great, and then there’s the debut of the bogeyman who was supposed to leave the arena through an emergency door directly behind us, no one gave me the 411, so as bogeyman was leaving he turned right towards us and I thought he was gonna do me a solid and scare my daughter thus creating a memory that she would never forget, so as a dad I was pretty stoked, and yes I was definitely smiling.  The bogeyman then jars the guard rail, we all run, and he exits out the door.  It’s all on YouTube if you care to see it. Actually I encourage one to do so, so you can see for yourself that I’m not laughing.  Hence BS #1.  There was never any agenda to the whole thing.  I wasn’t trying to be anything other than a fan.   I wasn’t part of the show, heck it was my first time there for show.  Gosh when I look back now I was so green to everything but I was definitely enjoying a pro-wrestling show with the rest of the audience.  The eagerness, the learning, the dedication, they’re all fond memories.    

I’m then summoned to the back where Cornette is flipping out and proceeds to slap me several times.  He claims 17 but lets just call that Bullshit #2.  I had no idea what he was even talking about.  I remember saying just that, which of course got him even more mad.  I remember him saying “you are nothing in this business”, and I’m like yeah no shit I literally just signed up here a month ago lol.  He knew I couldn’t do anything, he took complete advantage of the situation, and he assaulted someone, period, and probably should have been arrested and charged for that matter.  He acted completely unprofessional and very much disrespected the business he claims to love, I say claims to love cause all he ever does is go on completely negative rants about various aspects and his personal opinions.  All that hatred and negativity must be such a heavy burden to carry around all the time.  He has become his own prison sentence, left to marinade in his own negative filth.  Thank God he has become a non-entity and quite frankly irrelevant for some time now.  His overall contribution to the industry has been quite damaging and by no means, is he an authority.  He was merely tolerated and permitted, by real men, to be around the business during one of the best eras in history.  Hey don’t get me wrong I’m not an authority either but I’ve been around great men in this business that truly are and trust me he is NOT on that list.  Most people in the industry generally think him of as an asshole and loser today.  Most, but not all.  There are those few that do like him and that’s 100% fine by me.      

He also said that Bogeyman was furious at me and wanted to kick my ass, so years later and after I got to know Marty pretty well I asked him about that night and he said he was just upset at his “wardrobe malfunction”.  They failed to calculate the effect that the ring lights would have on Bogyman’s makeup and it was proving to be an issue.  Thus the original source of that segment’s frustration is what I always thought.  So what are we at now, BS #3?

Cornette was subsequently fired and pretty much resented me ever since.  I don’t hate him. I don’t hate anyone but he was in the wrong and everyone knows it, especially him.  That is why he so desperately tries to put me down and make excuses as to why he acted the way he did.  The answer is simple Jim, because you are and insecure poor excuse of a man.  

I would get asked about it from time to time but mostly down played it as it really didn’t bother to too much.  I’ve endured much more than a slap, or 7, in my life.  I actually do have a few friends in the business that still like Cornette so I thought that perhaps we could have had a good working relationship if things had been different.  I was not opposed to learning from him, in fact I regret not being able to.  I was taught to respect my elders in life in general, and my seniors in the pro-wrestling business, and until this moment I have.      

Fast forward 10 years and I’m now forced to retire due to 2 neck surgeries.  My WWE career was a dream come true, an amazing 10 year chapter in my life, and I am forever grateful to all the fans all over the world.  I sacrificed everything important to me and risked it all to make it.  I gave it more than 100% and am quite proud to say that I made it on my own merit.  When I got hired almost 2 years after the incident and thanked Johnny Ace for not holding the incident against me he didn’t even know what I was referring to.  I had to actually remind him, which was nice cause it reassured me that my employment was by my own hand.   So trying to say that I was gifted my job is a big pile of BS, #4 in fact, and Cornette knows that too.  I get it, it’s quite simple, he’s just trying to press my buttons and stay relevant.  However it’s the time I spent away from my daughter that I will not allow him to diminish.        

My intention was not to be a comedy wrestler, (check out my Boris Alexiev videos on YouTube) but I was given a once in a lifetime opportunity and I ran with it, just like anyone would do in my position.  Looking back I actually love the fact that I was able to bring laughter into people’s homes, and for so many years.  It’s entertainment.  It’s my absolute favorite thing to hear from fans, that I made their family laugh.  I think laughter is the greatest indicator of having a good time.  I don’t know if he was just jealous because he was not athletic enough to make it in the ring as a wrestler or what, but he’s definitely made some poor comments over the years.  I actually heard through a pretty good source that he can’t even cast a fishing rod.  Now that’s uncoordinated.  You might as well hand your balls in if you can’t cast a fishing rod.  Look I’ve been given the stamp of approval by people that actually matter so I’m able to rest well at night when it comes to my in ring ability.  Sorry buddy but comedy is an essential component of Sports Entertainment.  Honestly shouldn’t you actually know that?  And btw Kay Fabe was ruined long before I ever laced up my boots.  I too wished it hadn’t been, but it is what it is.   We work with what we have, whenever we get our chance to do so.  The business has evolved, and it will continue to evolve.  Those that can’t adapt, can’t evolve, get left behind.  And please don’t hate on WWE, it makes you look really pathetic.  Vince has done a million times more for this business than you will ever be credited for.  Bottom line is he is one of the most successful people in the world, and well you are definitely not Vince.  Put it this way, when I grow up I wanna be like Vince, but if I ever end up like you, I will consider my life a failure.  

Little does Jim know that all those countless negative comments and rants just make him look like an unconfident bitter person that has no class.  That is why I never made a big deal about it because he was already doing a great job of tarnishing his own legacy.  He shits on the comedic component and my in ring ability but duh I’m from OVW so he’s actually shitting on himself and the company that he partly owns.  He’s also shitting on his “friends” Rip, Danny, and Al, that all had a hand in my development and training, plus I can list off many great and iconic comedic wrestlers, 1st and foremost however is the late great Bobby Heenan.  Now you try and tell me that he had no place in wrestling and well I would have to say that you really don’t know as much as I thought you did about Pro-Wrestling Mr. Cornette.        

So one day I see that I got a voicemail from my friend Josh in Tennessee, then I get a text saying “omg I’m so sorry I didn’t know he was going to do that” then I get a call from Josh and he’s all upset about Jim Cornette tricking him in to calling me and then taking the phone from Josh and going on one of his classic rants.  Keep in mind I’m still in bandages fresh out of neck surgery so yeah I’m a little shocked that he could actually stoop this low.

So I mention the message he left in my shoot interview with Rob Feinstein and after it circulated a few people left messages for Cornette on social media letting him know what they thought of what he did.  So now his panties are all bunched up, yet again, and he goes off on his podcast actually denying the whole thing.  A blatant lie told to all of his loyal listeners, BS #5.  I guess he was ashamed of what he did so he just pretended it didn’t happen, and then proceeds to say again it anyway, lol, duh you just stooged yourself off shmarts.  Anyhow no skin off my back, it is what it is, and then he proceeds to call me midget, goof, etc. lol come on Jim you are known for a tennis racket, please tell me you are kidding me when you call me a clown, you were a red nose shy of being the biggest clown in wrestling history.  I think they call that “projecting”, like when he accuses me of disrespecting the business, when in reality its all he ever does.  He also stated that he will slap again the next time he sees me.

Fast forward to the Cobo Centre in Detroit last Saturday and his table is just 2 tables down from mine, so I know at some point we will have a chance to meet, as in actually meet, for the first time, since I don’t consider our first interaction an actual meeting, because no greetings and pleasantries were exchanged etc.

As I’m heading back down the hallway after I got a bite to eat, its Jim and I walking straight towards one another and no one is around, what a perfect opportunity to talk it over and hopefully hash things out.  I say Hello sir and I extend my hand to shake hands.  After all why not, peace is better then enemies right?  Its funny he looked shocked to hear my real voice, lol, mark.  He then proceeds to try to tell me about what happened 12 years ago like I wasn’t there lol, insults me, disrespects me, and then tries to walk away.  I remember being disappointed in how poorly he was dressed that day.  He made no effort at all to make himself presentable to meet his fans, visibly dirty clothing and in poor health I actually felt bad for him, until he decided to be a piece of garbage once again.  I said to him that I was hoping we could walk away from this with a new found respect for one another after possibly talking it out, and that I always regretted not learning from him.  I always hope for the best in people, like my mom.   He laughed and said that he had no respect for me, called me a joke, and that he should slap me again, that’s when I said to myself fuck this guy, there is no way in hell he’s going to punk me off after what he did all those years ago, so I said “do it” “please”, “slap me again and see what happens” trust me Jim it was not so that I could “sue” you. That’s what you see in the video.  Me cutting him off and saying “do it then”.  You cant make a claim like that and then walk away, at least not where I’m from.    It was at that moment that I saw his true colours.  He tried to run away and actually cried out for security.  I guess his wrestling instincts kicked in because he was a classic heal, brave guy when back up is around, but when its just him and the baby-face alone at the end, he begged off.  What happened to slapping me the next time you saw me Jim?  Then when he saw a fan and or security personnel his mock bravery started to kick in and he started to put on a show, Cornette style.  He was a complete bitch as I expected he would be, if it ended up going down this way, and when it was just the 2 of us, nose to nose, eye to eye, quite frankly a coward.  And believe you me I called him those exact words to his face “coward” and “bitch” and all he did was turn another shade of red.  He knows in his heart that I saw it in his eyes.  He can never say anything about it again because he backed down after shooting his mouth off so that’s BS # shit I lost count.  He also said publically that he decided to leave when we all know he was kicked out, escorted out in fact.  Taken out like the trash that he is.  So don’t forget to add another one to the BS list.   It was the perfect ending, the bully got what he deserved in the end.  

Sorry to all the fans that came out to the convention and show.  I really tried to put it all behind us.  Cornett had other plans.  Sometimes we just have to take a stand.

I hope the show was still a blast, well I’m sure it was because there were a great bunch of guys performing that night!

So I now get to have some closure from the original incident.  I get to return to my wonderful Canadian life, and come home to my hot Polish fitness model wife.  This week we are going camping up north to enjoy the beauty of mother nature, kayaking, hiking, fishing etc . . . . . let me guess you’re gonna go on a few rants this week.   Truly pathetic bro, sad, but hey enjoy them cause for a brief moment people are taking about you.  And we all know how important that is to you.  In the wrestling business you are always one headline away from having your spotlight taken away.  And since the shield has reunited . . . .well I guess its gone.

The End!    

Sincerely (so help me Jesus)

Anthony Carelli

[batterymonster2021]

Monogamish: The new rules of marriage | Jessica O'Reilly | TEDxVancouver

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/monogamish-the-new-rules-of-marriage-jessica-oreilly-tedxvancouver/

Monogamish: The new rules of marriage | Jessica O'Reilly | TEDxVancouver

Translator: Johannes Duschner Reviewer: Ivana Krivokua Wow, howdy, every person. I’m going to put down my cell, and fully resist the urge to snap a selfie to prove I was once sincerely right here. As Riaz said, my identify is Jessica O’Reilly, and i’m a sexologist. A sexologist is, actually, a real factor. Do you suppose me? Three of you, ok. So you’re all on the side of my father and mother, I get it, that’s cool, no difficulty. I acquired the tiger mother.Well, a sexologist; what does that imply? That means, I spend a whole lot of time speakme about sex. And almost no time definitely having it. (Laughter) but i am here today to talk to you a couple of severe discipline. We are in a time of obstacle. We have now a worldwide epidemic on our fingers and it’s airborne. It affects the younger and the historic and knows no geographical bounds. Now, this drawback will not be in contrast to different fashionable crises, the economic climate, climate alternate for illustration. But this drawback effects extra of us, in a more personal and perceptible trend. It tears families apart. It takes probably the most dangerous toll on essentially the most prone amongst us and it’s contagious.It is spreading. Yet somehow, we’re captivated by means of it. I am speaking in regards to the drawback of the modern monogamous marriage. Now, if I were to make you a 50/50 offer in any realm of your life, would you are taking it? If I mentioned, invest in my fund, there’s a 50 per cent danger you’ll be able to see a return. Or signal this trade deal, you’ve got acquired a 50 percentage threat of failure, however hello, why no longer? Or hop on this flight, you will have bought a 50/50 shot at making it to your vacation spot safely. Even though I provided you two free checked baggage, (Laughter) you’d quite often say no. However the cutting-edge monogamous marriage offers even shrink statistical odds when you factor in divorce rates and the premiums of infidelity. Now, in North america, divorce rates are over 40 percentage, higher, when you rely your 2d and 1/3 marriages. In my household oftentimes we go on even above three. Four, five, and 6. You understand already about my husband’s fights given that of Riaz. So I would as good expose some data. Infidelity premiums in North america are between 25 and 45 percentage, relying on who’s asking and who drank their truth serum this morning.And study suggests that pleasure premiums in marriage plummet after the honeymoon segment, by no means to get better. Scary. Now, many young individuals are simply opting to not get married. Marriage charges are on the decline. Possibly because they’ve heard that research suggests that married people are, in fact, no happier than their single counterparts. And have you heard of mate poaching? It appears, 60 percentage of guys – disgrace, disgrace – and fifty four percent of females – we’re not better, now not significantly better – have tried to woo any person faraway from their present partner. What is going on? So once we mix these statistics, we appear on the numbers. We see that in marriage 50/50 is in fact a excellent case scenario.Marriage is in a time of trouble. Now, i’m no longer suggesting that we get rid of marriage; i’m partial to marriage. I even picked one up for myself. (Laughter) i’ve been happily married to my husband for eight years, living with him for 13. What i’m announcing is that marriage is a failure in human design. It doesn’t matter that study says that marriage is just right for my wellness and even higher for men’s wellbeing, by hook or by crook they consistently win. And it doesn’t matter that we all go into marriage with probably the most noble of intentions, correct? To reside happily ever after, to love our accomplice unconditionally, to help them grow into the satisfactory variant of themselves. On the grounds that it doesn’t continually grow to be this manner. Considering the fact that of this failure in human design, marriage may also be restrictive in private progress, and even repressive in its demands of absolute monogamy. In any other realm, if we noticed failure rates like we see in marriage, we’d do some thing about it.When the markets tumble, we do something about it; we modify curiosity rates, we enact austerity measures, we enhance stimulus programs. Correct? (Laughter) If a automobile malfunctions by some means, we hindrance a don’t forget, in order that we can repair it. And if a superbug is unresponsive to a present vaccination, we go back to the lab to boost a new method. When some thing does not work, when anything doesn’t work, we innovate. So why do we be given the monogamous marriage in its current type, despite its design flaws? Would our relationships now not advantage from a stimulus package? A transitority keep in mind. Just overnight. (Laughter) isn’t it time we go back to the lab to dissect the problems, task the failing norm, and innovate? Now, some couples have already performed this. They reject monogamy altogether.Swingers for illustration, i do know numerous them. Shock, shock, the sexologist says. They have got sex with different men and women and it works for them. Polyamorous have emotional, intimate, loving, and sexual relationships with more than one companions and it really works for them. And open relationships are available a large range of forms which might be custom designed via each couple or threesome or foursome, or moresome, Now, i know many couples for whom open relationships have worked, Rosa and Dan for illustration. After 22 years of marriage, they mentioned, "anything’s gotta provide." Their phrases, no longer mine. In order that they decided to open their relationship up and now they have fanatics throughout North america, and they couldn’t be happier. However like monogamy, open relationships simplest work for an awfully small number of people.An estimated 4 to five, no longer forty five, four to 5 percent have tried it with a good degree of success. The trouble with open relationships is that the majority of us just do not want one. We’re k with other folks being open, but we don’t wish to share our companions. Fortunately ever after with one genuine soul mate has been too firmly ingrained in our subconciousness, due to the fact that birth. So what we have now decided to this point is that over right here we’ve the monogamous. Monogamy works for a small number of men and women.Over here we have now the non-monogamous, and that works for a good smaller percent of humans. And the relaxation of us, we fall somewhere in between. So what about the relaxation of us? Dishonest is not an choice. I am now not even going to go there. So how do we find our happily ever after? Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed company, I post to you that the solution is to don’t forget the gray field of the monogamish. (Laughter) This time period has been around for a while. I recall listening to it as a kid once I don’t have been taking note of my mom and dad friends again within the 80s, however it became popularized by way of sex columnists, Dan Savage, more recently. And Dan used this term to explain his relationship wherein he’s emotionally, and almost, and lovingly monogamous with his associate, but sexually they may be allowed to do different things. As a way to me, that is extra of an open relationship. So what I suggest is that we first-class-tune the term – the philosophy of monogamish – to make it extra obtainable to the relaxation of us, who fall into this gray area. Let’s use monogamish to take the monotony out of monogamy in a technique that preserves the sanctity, the protection, and the comfort of our relationships.So, monogamish, what would this seem like? Monogamish couples would appear to extramarital sources for sexual stimulation. But only in thought, now not in motion. So if i am monogamish, there could were a volunteer backstage that was kinda lovable. So I took a second seem. I am hoping I did not make him uncomfortable, certainly not making him uncomfortable. I could have had a destroy and inspiration about him slightly. I could consider about him later tonight. (Laughter) but i am by no means going to behave upon that concept. And this suggestion and ideas find it irresistible which can be forbidden in so many monogamous relationships, admitting to this idea serves to further stabilize my relationship due to the fact when we put these forbidden thoughts out in the open, we serve to scale down their vigor, and we scale down the possibility that we will really act upon them. So, we now have notion, but no longer action, after which we have now talk, but not contact. So monogamish couples could appear to extramarital sources for sexual arousal and pleasure in a talk format with no contact. Flirting with different persons involves mind as a particularly just right instance of this. So, endure with me a second.Picture this: you are at a bar, you’re with you companion. Say you are together with your husband. And there is a waitress and he or she’s kinda cute. No longer too lovable. (Laughter) we all have our limits. So you tease him a little: "She’s rather lovable, isn’t she? I believe she was once checking you out. You seem sizzling tonight, Babe." She fully wasn’t checking him out, however they all like a excellent stroking of the ego.Along with your coaxing, maybe, he even flirts with her somewhat. Probably you get in on that flirting, too. Certainly displaying her the utmost respect and respect to your relationship. At the finish of the night time, you go dwelling together, you and your husband, not the waitress. (Laughter) Let’s be clear right here. You go house and you proceed the delusion. You weave it in the bedroom. You even talk about having a threesome. "Oh Babe, you seem so scorching tonight. I thoroughly wish to carry her home with us. Yeah, i’d like to, definitely, don’t you wish to have four palms on you? Can not you assume, i would like to share you." it can be simply talk. You pull out all the stops. You force him right into a frenzy and then you definitely each get off, you have a fine time. When you’re carried out, you take him by means of the hand and seem him within the eye and you say, "do not even suppose about it." (Laughter) And he is aware of and says, "Of course not, Babe, that was once mighty, thanks. You’re all i would like. Can i get you some thing, a beer or a cheeseburger?" (Laughter) isn’t that the way it should perpetually finish? Very well. You ruin the norms of inflexible monogamy without ever touching a further man or woman.It’s just speak. The entire flirting, all the myth, the 4 fingers, the waitress. You are by no means going to that bar again, by the way. So one shot deal. It’s just talk, nothing more. Now, we’ve proposal, but now not action. We have speak, however now not contact. And then we’ve got couples, who make this foray into monogamish territory, they usually find it irresistible. They appreciate in it, and so they say, " what? Things have on no account been better. Let’s take it to an additional level." those couples might decide, "Let’s go to a strip membership. Let’s get a few lap dances." a few years later, perhaps they work their manner into the back room, the champagne room. I do not even know what goes on in there. (Laughter) possibly they love the soiled speak aspect they usually wish to carry a third character in, however they don’t want the threat of an actual live man or woman in the flesh. So they call a telephone intercourse line collectively. I know, it is not 1982, but they still exist. And so they make a lot of money, it is a lucrative enterprise. Might be they understand any one who is a swinger, they usually’ve been invited to swinger events.Now, they do not wish to swing, but they just like the thought of the environment, of being round this style of erotic aspect; the brink, the attractions, the sounds, the smells. No longer the smells, put out of your mind that. Simply the sights, and the sounds, and the vigor. What we need to don’t forget is that monogamish is a mindset, no longer a fashion. You’re making it what you choose. If the strip membership does not enchantment to you, do not go. If the concept of flirting with a real are living character appears simply too risky, don’t do it. Perhaps you decide instead to sign into a chat room collectively or use a cam carrier for a little little bit of nighttime enjoyable on a Saturday night.There is no universal formula for happily ever after. And there is no components for monogamish. I’m with no trouble suggesting that we could improvement from in view that choices beyond the rigid norm of monogamy. So now, you’re pondering, "k, monogamish sounds good, i love strippers." (Laughter) correct? And now guys do not even have six-packs, they have eight-packs. It does not sound bad. You’re considering, "This sounds k, but how do I get over my insecurities? How do I maintain the jealousy? A part of me would wish to tear that kind-of-lovable waitress’s hair out.Or I do not want this ripped guys grinding up on my wife. I can’t control that. I won weight for the period of her pregnancy, had a number of cravings. Can’t anticipate a man to have a six-percent after pregnancy, right? So these are all valid considerations. I can not support you with the six-percent, but every couple deals with these jealousies, these insecurities, these challenges, of their very possess method. Some take child steps. They don’t dive into monogamish, they do it a little bit bit at a time. They would begin by means of with no trouble admitting to which celebrities they to find attractive. It might take them years to work their way as much as certainly divulging their deepest, darkest fantasies. But these years, that procedure, is what makes it sizzling. Somewhat little bit of fear and nervousness, balanced with love, comfort, and security is the best recipe, not only for love, but for lust. Other couples, moreover to taking little one steps, they decide to compartmentalize their monogamish aspect of their relationship. They are saying, "I quite like our relationship as it’s. I like a bit of bit of monogamish, however not too much." So maybe, they make a rule that they simply speak about fantasies that comprise different people on particular occasions.Or Tuesdays, or the month of March, anything works for them. Maybe they love the idea of flirting with other men and women due to the fact flirting is a lot fun, it brings out the sexual animal in you, it boosts your self-esteem and it can absolutely be kind of sizzling to watch your partner flirt with any one else, below the right consensual situations. However maybe they simply do this once a yr, when they’re on vacation.Or possibly that bar with the waitress is too just about dwelling, so they just do it when they may be collectively at least 200 miles from their place of origin; anything works for them. Some couples, they go after monogamish they usually push their boundaries too far they usually grow to be regretting it, but remorse isn’t tantamount to disaster. Errors are the important studying and growth opportunities in a relationship. When we believe of monogamish or we believe of relationships, you could believe of it as a rubber band. That you would be able to stretch it in this course, but it still goes back to its stable form.Which you can stretch it over right here, and it does not imply that you ever have got to do it again for those who don’t adore it. And if you happen to stretch it this way, it does not imply that the next time – the next day to come, subsequent month, subsequent year – that you just have got to pull it further. Correctly, you can also not need to due to the fact it can snap. What we have to recognize is that growth and relationships are elastic. They don’t seem to be inflexible. Now, as we appear at monogamish, we cannot just seem at anecdote and conjecture, we also ought to appear at the science of why monogamish relationships probably the panacea we search in accordance with this epidemic of the failing monogamous marriage.There are, of path, no universal algorithm for a victorious relationship. Nevertheless, there are some add-ons that tend to be reward in happy, lasting marriages. The first is dependancy-shaped, emotional expression. Scientists wish to sound fancy. It way speakme. Speakme about your feelings. The nice, the bad and the unpleasant. Admit when you are jealous, admit when you’re feeling slightly bit off. That is principal. The second entails a steadiness between connectivity and freedom. It’s all headquartered in self-expansion idea. The self-expansion thought explains that we’re most pleased in our relationships when our companions present us opportunities for development. Humans; we’re animals, and we’re programmed to search trade, to seek novelty. Now we have a starvation for it. And when our partners feed this hunger, we’re more pleased with them and extra drawn to them.Now, the third factor of a joyful relationship is an active sex existence. An lively sex lifestyles does not imply that you simply have got to be swinging from chandeliers or doing it every day, or per week, or each month. It simply implies that you put some effort into your intercourse existence. Even the Pope and the Catholic cardinals and the bishops comprehend this. Do you know why? Final week on the Vatican, these celibate men had a symposium on marriage. They got together to talk about what makes a marriage work, however they did invite in gurus. And one informed couple from Australia, who has been married for 55 years, instructed this crew of fully celibate guys that their sex existence has been, and remains to be, of paramount significance.Very fascinating to me. Now, in my job, I work with couples from all world wide, thousands per year. And what I’ve seen is that after couples recollect opening up their definition of monogamy, even within the smallest of methods, it forces their relationship to thrive on these core factors. Emotional expression, connectivity balanced with freedom, and an lively intercourse life emerge as the norm, as soon as you begin to peer monogamy alongside a continuum. I will provide you with an instance of those observations. I host a reality show, sorry to say this, and the reality show is for PlayboyTV, but i’m proud to assert that this reality exhibit is without doubt one of the few actual applications on television. So this show is about a big crew of swingers living in a house and every weekend I deliver in a new couple, a novice couple, who has never swung earlier than, so they can make a decision if probably they want to try it for themselves.This condo is called "The Swing house," however I call it my individual lab because it enables me to realize couples of their really average habitat; anticipate for the cameras and stuff like that. (Laughter) You fail to remember that they’re there after a couple of minutes. Some of these novice couples, who have not ever swung before, they make a decision to dive in headfirst. They understand that swinging was once supposed for them. Others, alternatively, understand very speedily that they don’t seem to be cut out for sharing their companion. And the interesting factor is, I realized a lot from this 2nd team in view that they don’t wish to be monogamous, they usually do not need to be swingers.However the mere possibility of opening up their relationship definitely brings them nearer collectively. They’re compelled to talk about their feelings. They’re pressured to steadiness the needs of the couple with the wishes of the character. And of course, it can be the PlayboyTV Swing apartment, so without doubt, they are pressured to suppose about their intercourse life. Now, I wish to be particularly clear, monogamish couples should not swingers. I only use this example due to the fact that many of them make a decision not to swing. Actually, they’re practising a variation of monogamy. We would call it monogamy 2.Zero, and their marriages are thriving. Now, will becoming monogamish retailer a failing marriage? Of course now not. It best addresses one factor of the connection, the intimate phase. But that is an primary aspect, along with youngsters and cash. Sex is likely one of the most contentious issues within the ultra-modern marriage. And although monogamish is not going to retailer a marriage, it can be the lifeline we need to tilt the scales in favor of the institution of marriage. We ought to do some thing about monogamy as our default environment when you consider that we’re in obstacle mode.This problem, the failing monogamous marriage, is pushing us onto the brink of a brand new frontier. The monogamish resolution could seem radical, but what is our other choice? Failure? Whether we want to confess it or not, each couple in this room and every couple available in the market is at hazard of failure. It is a statistical truth. So I depart you with one question: Would you don’t forget tilting your viewpoint and opening your minds to the probability of the monogamish, if it supposed you could look after your relationship from this concern, strenghten your bond, and expand your chances of dwelling happily ever after? Thanks.(Applause) .

[enricodandolo]

What I’m currently working on

Mostly academia and ESO, tbqh.

Tagged by @celeritassagittae, I’m continuing the emergent tradition of sharing snippets.

Main project: next chapter of A Light Shining in Darkness

The Grand Duke indicated a brisk pace, and quite quickly they had reached a set of archways flanked by guards in polished steel cuirasses and elaborate masked helmets. Through the thick marble walls, the faint clamouring of a large crowd could be made out. “Ready to face the music, Inquisitor?”

She tried to think of something clever to say. She nodded.

On Gaspard’s arm, Bethany entered the Hall of Homage. At once, she felt blinded by the light of electric candles and sconces, reflected and prismed by hundreds of tiny crystals that hung from the frescoed ceiling in heavy chandeliers, and by the tall mirrors lining the walls on either side of them. It was warm in the hall, no doubt a consequence of the throngs of people gathered in it, yet a gentle breeze seemed to fly through it, bringing necessary refreshment. Once her eyes had somewhat attenuated to the sudden brightness, Bethany realised that the back wall of the hall was composed of five massive floor-to-ceiling windows interrupted by marble columns. The middle window was made of stained glass, although there was no way to determine what it depicted now that the sun had gone down. In the other windows, all wide open and leading out onto a large terrace looking out over the city, swayed large silk banners of the Orlesian flag. Yet Bethany’s eyes were intractably drawn towards the massive throne in front of the middle window. A huge sunburst emerging from the floor as half a wheel formed the backrest, and resting lions the arms. Both shone brightly in the chandeliers’ light, and Bethany would not have been surprised to learn they were shaped from solid gold. Royal blue cushions were embedded into the seat and backrest, the latter embroidered in gold with the imperial coat of arms. It was the sort of overloaded, almost gaudy thing she had expected, and yet she could not but be awed.

Bethany issued a slight gasp at the sight of the hall, at the scale of it. In the silence that slowly descended over the hall as all eyes turned to them. it felt like a scream. She flushed. Then, suddenly, to their right, a young elf in an embroidered silk herald’s tabard slammed a carved rod of wood onto the floor and exclaimed: “His Imperial Highness, Field Marshal the Grand Duke Gaspard of Chalons, Prince of the Blood and Marshal of Orlais! Accompanying His Imperial Highness: the Right Worshipful and Learned Enchanter Bethany Revka Hawke, Lady Amell of Kirkwall, formerly Viscomital Reader in Force Magic at that Circle, and leader of the Inquisition!”

Oh, bugger.

On hold for now: The Brightest Star in the Sky, a Mass Effect / real life crossover

Where Charon had been, there was a bright yellow, oblong and perfectly regular shape, forked in the middle. “What the hell is that?”

“We don’t know,” the flight director down at Goddard replied. The anxiety was plain to hear in her voice. “But we’ve got the White House on the phone.”

She was about to reply when another transmission came through. “Station, this is Munich.[1] The European Extremely Large Telescope in Chile just picked up an unidentified object seemingly appearing out of nowhere inside the orbit of Mars. We’re trying to establish what it is, or what its heading is, but it’s gone on the very next image we have.”

“How is that possible?” An idea hit her, and for a moment she had to weigh whether to ask the question at all. Maybe she had watched too much Star Trek. “Could it be moving at … well, at relativistic speeds?”

“Uh, Station, we’ll get back to you on that. Honestly, we’re as much in the dark as you are right now. Lemme put it this way, we just got on the line with the Berlaymont and President Mogher-”[2]

Whatever else the ESA flight controller had to say, it was lost in transmission as a sudden tremor went through the station, almost as if a shockwave had hit it. Giulia gasped in surprise, and almost at once bright red warnings popped up all over the laptops lining the walls. “Uh, what happened? Er, Sasha, life support?”

Quickly, the Russian floated over to the nearest Russian Laptop responsible for control of the Russian Orbital Segment. “It’s, uh … steady across the board.”

“I’m getting a caution from both P6 SAWs here!” Ana added, her voice raised with tension.

“Station, Moscow. We just got the data, is anyone hurt up there? What happened?”

“I, I don’t know,” Giulia reported, looking for a laptop that was set to telemetry data. “Space debris, maybe? We’re all fine, just a bit rattled. Do you have any alerts for us?”

“Three dozen. It looks like both P6 SAWs may be bent or broken, we will want you to examine those using Canadarm. For now, stay in the ROS in case there are more impacts like that. Keep emergency equipment on hand and stand ready to seal bulkheads throughout the station. We’re bringing SURGEON in, he should be here in a couple of minutes. Your telemetry looks good, be advised we will hand primary mission control over to Houston in eight minutes.”

“Roger, Moscow.” Giulia looked around at the others, whose faces betrayed their concern, if not fear. They didn’t send people up who lost their calm under pressure. “Moscow, do you want us prepare an emergency evac and deorbit? Please advise.”

“Stand by.”

There was no immediate reply, so Giulia turned to the others. “Alright, let’s take stock. For now, no one moves past N1. Sasha, Ana, I want you to keep a close eye on life support and telemetry. If anything happens, even if it’s just a routine alert, I want to know about it immediately. Ilik, if you could have a look at our electrical and radiation systems? Matthew, give me a hand. We need to stow away all this food before it gets on the instruments.”

“Uh, Giulia?”

“What is it, Ana?”

“You might want to have a look outside.”

Frowning, she floated over to the bullseye the air force officer was staring out of, utterly transfixed. She looked outside.

Then, she picked up the nearest radio receiver. “Moscow, Station. We have a problem.”

[1] Mission control for the European laboratory module Columbus is actually based in Oberpfaffenhofen, near Munich. As that is, however, a ridiculous name, EUROCOM is referred to as ‘Munich’ on the radio. Other control centres for the ISS are Houston, Moscow, Huntsville  (Alabama), and Tsukuba.

[2] No politicians were harmed in the making of this fic.

Still intent on continuing this at some point: Lohengrin, a Dragon Age fic set in the late Ancient Age

There was no reply to the call, and Elsa sank to her knees. She folded her arms before her chest, bowed her head, and prayed silently, as she had all those months of silence. Orinia was no longer sure if it really was just for show, or if she really was so deluded as to think her false god would help her now.

She glanced over at Telramund and the king, who were watching the scene with almost equally grim eyes. Surely, she thought, if no fighter could be found, they wouldn’t force the girl to take up arms in her own name for possibly the first time in her life? If she’d had any training, it certainly didn’t show on her frail and slight body. No, surely, the king was—well, at least he wasn’t entirely barbarian, although she shuddered to think of what kind of fate a nobleman of the empire might have to endure to be forced to live out the rest of his life amongst the barbarians in the dark forests of the far south. Not that her life had been all that much better, mind. But he had Tevene blood in him, and was clearly an intelligent and insightful man, much like her Telramund might have been had he had the benefit of a proper education. No doubt he would—

Someone sharply elbowed her in the back without so much as a sorry. Hurt and annoyed, Orinia turned around—though she would never have dared to berate what was doubtless a well-armed barbarian at least three heads taller than herself—and found that she wasn’t the only one to turn away from the praying girl.

All around her, people had turned to face towards the river, craning their necks and standing on tip-toes to see what was going on. Curiously—for what could possibly have distracted so many from such a matter of life and death?—Orinia tried to jump up and down, but found that even that wasn’t nearly enough for her to see across the heads of the barbarians. And as she was quite sure she would be crushed to death if she tried to make her way to the back, she didn’t even try and merely listened to what people were exclaiming or whispering around her. Look, look! What a strange thing! What a miracle! What’s this? A swan? A barge—it’s drawing a barge down the river—is that a swan?—look, look!—there’s someone standing in it—how marvellous!—they’re all in green, from head to toe, look, a swan—what a strange wonder!—look at the swan, mummy, look at the raft, look at the knight!—a miracle!—a miracle has happened!—miracle, such a strange unheard of marvellous holy miracle!

Now Orinia, too was craning her neck, trying to make out anything. A swan, what on earth were they talking about? Proceeding around them had ground almost to a halt, and then the crowd broke up as people ran towards the riverbanks to get a better view. As all around her streamed down to the banks of the Scaldis, Orinia and a few others were left up on the hill the linden tree grew on, so that a cynical observer might have noted that they now had a better view of what was going on. Telramund stepped to her side, and together they watched as an upright figure, dressed head to toe in gleaming green cloth that billowed and sparkled and flowed like water in the breeze, leaning on a spear in his hand, standing tall on a narrow, flat little boat, little more than a raft no larger than a door.

And the whole thing, on a golden chain, was being drawn by a massive swan, its plumage an exceptionally clean, bright white, at least four or five feet long, elegantly gliding down the river.

Also pretty much on hold for now: Poekhali, a Dragon Age fic about Tevinter blood mage elven psychopath Yuri Gagarin

Faleria had never been a planner. There was no plot, however well laid-out, that survived contact with the enemy, and any plan that required more than one other thing to happen was no more than make-believe. The people who wrote plays and pictures and novels in which cunning protagonists set events in motion years ahead, she had always suspected, wouldn’t be writing them if any of their own plans had succeeded. No, the way to get ahead was to know an opportunity when you saw it, and seize it without hesitation.

When she had been eleven, she’d thrown a tantrum about her parents’ inability to provide presents for her twelfth birthday, foolish brat that she had been. Luckily for her, the commander of the labour camp had just the week before announced improved rations for anyone who ratted out fellow prisoners for misdemeanours such as hoarding ration cards. Well, her parents had done so for weeks, and a few quick words to the guards later, found themselves marched to the gallows. Only later did Faleria recognise that α) they had been hoarding precisely to provide her with birthday presents and β) the long-term effects of this act directly increased the peril she was in. The human guards tutted at her betrayal of her parents. The other prisoners glared at her, especially the elves.

Not long after, one of them had tried to murder her in her sleep—whether for revenge or to steal her ration book, she did not know, for that very act caused her magic to awaken in her, violently. By the time she celebrated her first birthday as a mage, she had been removed from the labour camp and sent to one of the new military schools for the magically gifted, intended to bring them up as the new ruling cadres of Areolani’s new empire. Elves, of course, tended to face rather less lofty careers than their human classmates, but she’d always done fairly well regardless, she thought.

What, regret? Killing her parents had been the best damn thing that had ever happened to her.

That had been one opportunity she’d seized, and it had served her well. At the cadre school, she perfected her sense of opportunity, and found she had a gambler’s good luck. When she joined the army air corps as a pilot officer, it hadn’t taken long until she’d found herself gifted with a scramble-all siren, a sharp razor, and only herself and the flying officer placed directly above her alone in the shower room. She’d flown her first combat mission that day, and in truth it had only been astonishingly good luck, a few well-placed lies and the two Qunari fighters she had shot down that had saved her from suspicion. A flying officer’s stripes soon followed.

No tags, but feel free to carry this on!

[medicinemane]

I’ve been looking for my copy of one of Asimov’s autobiography for ages (I think he says in there it’s his 3rd), specifically for this one chapter on anti-semitisim. I think it’s brilliant, and I think it has real words of wisdom for any time, but right now in particular. Which is why I’m going to transcribe it below the cut. I’d really recommend give in a read

Anti-Semitisim

This leads me to a more general discussion of anti-Semitisim.

My father told me rather proudly that there was never any pogrom in this little town, that Jews and Gentiles got along. In fact, he told me that he was good friends with a Gentile boy, whom he helped with his schoolwork. After the Revolution, that boy turned up as a local functionary of the Communist Party and helped my father with the paperwork required for emigration to the United States.

This is important. I have frequently had hotheaded romantics assume that our family fled Russia to escape persecution. They seem to think that the only way we got out was by jumping from ice flow to ice flow the Dnieper River, with bloodhounds and the entire Red Army in hot pursuit.

No such thing. We were not persecuted and we left in a quite legal manner with no more trouble than one would expect from any bureaucracy, including our own. If that’s disappointing, so be it.

Nor do I have horror tales to tell about my life here in the United States. I was never made to suffer for my Jewishness in the crass sense of being beaten up or physically harmed. I was taunted often enough, sometimes openly by young yahoos and more often subtly by the more educated. It was something I accepted as an inevitable part of the Universe that I could not change.

I also knew that vast areas of American society were closed to me because I was Jewish, but that was true in every Christian society in the world for two thousand years, and I accepted that too was a fact of life.

What was really difficult to endure was the feeling of insecurity and even terror, because of what was happening in the world. I am talking about the 1930s now,  when Hitler was becoming more and more dominant and his anti-Semitic madness was becoming ever more vicious and murderous.

No American Jew could fail to be aware that the Jews, first in Germany, then in Austria, were being endlessly humiliated, mistreated, imprisoned, tortured, and killed, merely for being Jewish. We could not fail to realize that Nazi-like parties were arising in other parts of Europe, which also made anti-Semitism their central watchword. Even France and Great Britain were not immune; both had their Fascist-type parties and both had long histories of anti-Semitism.

We were not safe even in the United States. The undercurrent of genteel anti-Semitism. was already there.The occasional violence of the more ignorant street gangs always existed. But there was also the pull of Nazism. We can discount the German-American Bund, which was an open arm of the Nazis. However, people such as Catholic priest Father Charles Coughlin and the aviation hero Charles Lindbergh openly expressed anti-Semitic views. There were also homegrown Fascist movements that rallied round the anti-Semitic banner.

How could American Jews live under this strain? Why did they not break down? I suppose that most simply practiced “denial.” They tried hard not to think about it and went about their normal way of life as best they could. To a large extent, I did this too. One simply had to. (The Jews in Germany did the same thing till the storm broke.)

I also had a more positive attitude. I had enough faith in the United States of America to believe it would never follow the German example.

And, as a matter of fact, Hitler’s excesses, not only in his racism but in his nationalistic saber rattling, his increasingly obvious paranoia, were rousing disgust and anger among important sections of the American population. Even if the United States was, on the whole, rather cool to the plight of Europe’s Jews, it was becoming increasingly anti-Hitler. Or so I felt, and I found comfort in that.

I also tried to avoid becoming uncomfortably hooked on anti-Semitism as the main problem in the world. Many Jews I knew divided the world into Jews and anti-Semites, nothing else. Many Jews I knew recognized no problem anywhere, at any time, but that of anti-Semitism.

It struck me, however, that prejudice was universal and that all groups who were not dominant, who were not actually at the top of the status chain, were potential victims. In Europe, in the 1930s, it was the Jews who were being spectacularly victimized, but in the United States it was not the Jews who were worst treated. Here, as anyone could see who did not deliberately keep his eyes shut, it was the African-Americans.

For two centuries they had been enslaved. Since that slavery had come to a formal end, the African-Americans remained in a position of near-slavery in most segments of American society. They were deprived of ordinary rights, treated with contempt, and kept out of any participation in what is called the American dream.

I, though Jewish, and poor besides, eventually received a first-class American education at a top American university, and I wondered how many African-Americans would have the chance. It constantly bothered me to have to denounce anti-Semitism unless I denounced the cruelty of man to man in general.

Such is the blindness of people that I have know Jews who, having deplored anti-Semitism in unmeasured tones,would, with scarcely a breath in between,got on the subject of African-Americans and promptly begin to sound like a group of petty Hitlers. And when I pointed this out and objected to it strenuously, they turned on me in anger. They simply could not see what they were doing.

I once listened t a woman grow eloquent over the terrible ways in which Gentiles did nothing to save the Jews of Europe. “You can’t trust Gentiles,” she said. I let some time elapse and the asked suddenly, “What are you doing to help the blacks in their fight for civil rights?” “Listen,” she said, “I have my own troubles.” And I said, “So did the Gentiles.” but she only stared at me blankly. She didn’t get the point at all.

What can be done about it? The who world seems to live under the banner: “Freedom is wonderful - but only for me.”

I broke out, under different conditions, once in May od 1977. On that occasion I shared a platform with  others, among them Elie Wiesel, who survived the Holocaust (the slaying of six million European Jews) and now will talk of nothing else. Wiesel irritated me when he said that he did not trust scientists and engineers  because scientists and engineers had been involved in conduction the Holocaust.

What a generalization! It was precisely the sort of thing an anti-Semite says. “I don’t trust Jews because once certain Jews crucified my Savior.”

I brooded about that on the platform and finally, unable to keep quiet, I said, “Mr. Wiesel, it is a mistake to think that because a group has suffered extreme persecution that it is a sign that they are virtuous and innocent. They might be, of course, but the persecution process is no proof of that. The persecution merely shows that the persecuted group is weak. Had they been strong, then, for all we know, they might have been the persecutors.”

Whereupon Wiesel, very excited, said, “Give me one example of the Jews ever persecuting anyone.”

Of course, I was ready for him. I said, Under the Maccabean kingdom in the second century B.C., John Hyrcanus of Judea conquered Edom and gave the Edomites a choice - convert to Judaism or the sword. The Edomites, being sensible, converted, but, thereafter, they were in any case treated as an inferior group, for though they were Jews, they were also Edomites.”

And Wiesel, even more excited, said, “That was only one time.”

I said, “That was the only time the Jews had the power. One for one isn’t bad.”

That ended the discussion, but I might add that the audience was heart and soul with Wiesel.

I might have gone further. I might have referred to the treatment of the Canaanites by the Israelites under David and Solomon. And if I could have foreseen the future, I would have mentioned what is going on in Israel today. American Jews might appreciate the situation more clearly if they imagined a reversal of roles, or Palestinians ruling the land and of the Jews despairingly throwing rocks.

I once had a similar argument with Avram Davidson, a brilliant science fiction writer, who is (of course) Jewish and was, for a time at least, ostentatiously orthodox. I had written an essay on the Book of Ruth, treating it as a plea for tolerance as against the cruelty of the scribe Ezra, who forced the Jews to “put away” their foreign wives. Ruth was a Moabite, a people hated by the Jews, yet she was pictured as a model woman, and she was the ancestress of David.

Avram Davidson took umbrage at my implication that the Jews were intolerant and he wrote me a letter in which he waxed sarcastic indeed. He too asked when the Jews had ever persecuted anyone.

In my answer, I said, “Avram, you and I are Jews who live in a county that is ninety-five percent non-Jewish and we are doing very well. I wonder how we would make out, Avram, if we were Gentiles and lived in a county that was ninety-five percent Orthodox Jewish.”

He never answered.

Right now there is an influx of Soviet Jews into Israel. They are fleeing because they expect religious persecution. Yet the instant their feet touched Israeli soil, they became extreme Israeli nationalists with no pity for the Palestinians. From persecuted to persecutors in the blinking of an eye.

The Jews are not remarkable for this. It;s just that because I’m a Jew I am sensitive to this particular situation - but it’s a general phenomenon. When pagan Rome persecuted the early Christians, the Christians pleaded for tolerance. When Christianity took over, was their tolerance? Not on your life. The persecution began at one in the other direction.

The Bulgarians demanded freedom for themselves from an oppressive regime and made use of that freedom by attacking ethnic Turks in their midst. The Azerbaijani demanded freedom from the centralized control of the Soviet Union, but they seemed to want to make use of that freedom to kill all the Armenians in their midst.

The Bible says that those who have experienced persecution should not in their turn persecute: “Thou shalt neither vex a stranger, nor oppress him; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Exodus 22:21). Yet who follows that text? When I try to preach it, I merely make myself seem odd and become unpopular.

-Isaak Asimov

I.Asimov

[thatsnotcanonpodcasts]

Camelot with Mathew Hannibal Butler

This week we chat with Matthew Hannibal Butler about which of life's truths can be gleaned from the Kennedy-favourite musical - Camelot!

"A 1993 review in The New York Times commented that the musical "has grown in stature over the years, primarily because of its superb score ... [which] combined a lyrical simplicity with a lush romanticism, beautifully captured in numbers like 'I Loved You Once in Silence' and 'If Ever I Would Leave You.' These ballads sung by Guenevere and Lancelot are among the most memorable in the Lerner-Loewe catalogue. King Arthur supplies the wit, with songs like 'I Wonder What the King Is Doing Tonight.'"

Listen to Matthew's Podcast here: thatsnotcanon.com/deliciouswordsandwichpodcast

FURTHER READING:

Camelot (musical)

Camelot (film)

Alan Jay Lerner

Frederick Loewe 

The Once and Future King.

Kennedy Administration

Julie Andrews

Richard Burton

Robert Goulet

https://open.spotify.com/album/5Fp6Y3gNufwzUeEBxuOZpo

https://music.apple.com/us/album/camelot-original-1960-broadway-cast-recording/158476378

Camelot: The Musical, A History By Matthew Hannibal Butler

By Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Lowe

A History By Matthew Hannibal Butler

Camelotis an oft forgotten and underrated musical masterpiece by the iconic duo Lerner and Lowe, first premiering with Sir Richard Burton as King Arthur and Dame Julie Andrews as Guinevere, with Robert Goulet as the dashing Sir Lancelot. They did not have these titles when it premiered in 1960 at the Majestic Theatre, but I thought it was a nice touch considering their royal counterparts.

Camelotis inspired by the definitive Arthurian novel The Once and Future King by T.H. White, a four book saga consisting of the iconic Sword in the Stone,The Witch in the Woods, The Ill-Made Knight and finally The Candle in the Wind. The musical mainly focuses on the events of this final instalment detailing with the last weeks of Arthur’s reign, the machinations and ultimately revolts by his son Mordred, Guinevere and Lancelot’s demise, and the tragic king’s final reflections of right and wrong. For all its levity, what I adore about this musical’s story is its choice to focus on one of the greatest tragedies in western folklore: The Fall of Camelot. 

          As you can tell, I am an Arthurian lore fanatic, and T.H. White’s book, in my opinion, is the best classic interpretation of King Arthur. A tragedy of this musical is, in my opinion, that it did not inspire more interest in White’s marvellous book. 

          Lerner and Lowe, as well as Camelot’s original director Moss Hart, were all coming from the chaotic universal success of their musical My Fair Lady and their musical film Gigi. Tensions and stakes were high. ‘Twas the classic tale of ‘What’s next?’ after tremendous success. Hart and Lerner decided upon T.H. White’s quintessential fantasy published in 1958 for their next musical. For a very small background on White, he wrote the bulk of the series in Ireland as a conscientious objector of the second World War between 1938 and 1941, thus writing a distinctly anti-war, anti-violent story engrained with western identity. To adapt this at this time, just before Kennedy’s escalation of the Vietnam War is a right proper noble gambit worthy of Arthur, let me tell you.

Frederick Lowe initially had no interest in the project, but agreed to write the score on the condition that, if it went badly, it would be his last. This do or die spirit, I found, reigned throughout the whole production, in spite of everything, and made it the suitably tragic triumph that it became. There were several problems plaguing the production, not least of which was Lerner’s wife leaving him during its writing, causing him to seek medical attention. I can’t help but surmise this informs one of the most poignant moments of the play, when Arthur realises the feelings shared between Lancelot and Guinevere and he thus soliloquises about his love for his kingdom, his purpose and in truth his friends will ensure that they will together nonetheless prevail through all challenges.

During its initial previews, it overran drastically. It was supposed to be two hours and forty minutes, instead it clocked in at a casual four and a half hours with the curtain coming down at twenty to 1 in the morning. Lerner later noted, “Only Tristan and Isolde equalled it as a bladder endurance contest”. In spite of this trial, positive reviews still generally prevailed though with an insistence much work needed yet. With drastic editing to be done, Lerner was hospitalised for three weeks with a bleeding ulcer, then Hart tagged into the hospital just as Lerner tagged out with his second heart attack.

Cutting it down became a stubborn quest, for Lerner did not want to make dramatic decisions without Hart. Alas, Jose Ferrer of Cyrano de Bergerac fame was unable to step in, and so it goes as Lerner wrote: “God knows what would have happened had it not been for Richard Burton.” He accepted cuts and changes all while radiating faith and geniality to calm the fears of the cast. A King off and on the stage. Meanwhile, ever the Queen, last minute changes were so dramatic that literally at the last minute before the New York preview Julie Andrews was given the iconic number “Before I Gaze At You Again”, simply remarking “Of course, darling, but do try to get it to me the night before”.

With Hart returned, literally and figuratively, cuts and edits continued. The New York critics’ reviews of the original production were mixed. However, My Fair Lady’s fifth anniversary approached and Ed Sullivan wanted to do a tribute segment on his show. Lerner and Lowe chose to mainly perform highlights from Camelot on the show, and so it was their new show achieved an unprecedented advance sale of three and a half million dollars.

Now that’s perseverance, even when things are going haywire, you raise the stakes even higher! This served also to make Robert Goulet a household name with his signature ballad, “If Ever I would Leave You” becoming the Once and Future Belter.

Camelot had its initial run. In such time, it gained many an award, including four Tony Awards, with Richard Burton for Best Leading Actor, naturally Best Scenic Design and Best Costume Design, with Franz Allers for Best Conductor and Musical Director and finally with Julie Andrews being ROBBED and fetching a nomination for Best Leading Actress.

Robert Goulet became a STAR with appearances on the Danny Thomas and Ed Sullivan Shows, and the stellar, and frankly best, original cast recording became a favourite bedtime listening for President John F. Kennedy, who was Lerner’s classmate at Harvard University. His favourite lines from the final reprise of the titular song became well-documented, and forever associated Camelot, with all its idealism and sheen, with the Kennedy Administration.

Small sidenote, to enjoy this tremendous score, the best buck starts and ends with the original cast soundtrack.

Alas, the obstacles encountered in producing Camelot were hard on the creative partnership of Lerner and Loewe, the show turning out to be one of their last collaborations. Camelot was indeed Hart’s last Broadway show, dying of a heart attack on December 20, 1961.

Since the original production, Richard Burton reprised his role as Arthur with Christine Ebersole as Guinevere and Richard Muenz as Lancelot. Then ‘twas revived in 1981 with Richard Harris as Arthur, Meg Bussert as Guinevere, Muenz once more as Sir Lancelot. This version can be found three parts on the YouTubes. Harris starred in the tragic for all the wrong reasons film, but proved he was the jewel in that particular crown for he took the show to tour nationwide with Muenz. A curious Broadway Revival also ran in 1993 with Robert Goulet now King Arthur.

There was then in 2007 Michael York as King Arthur, Rachel York, no relation, as Guinevere and the disgraced James Barbour ironically as Lancelot.

Alas, I have not been able to see Michael York as King Arthur, as that is inspired casting.

The final production I have had the honour of seeing was in 2008, since alas taken down from the YouTubes, where the New York Philharmonic presented five semi-staged concerts of Camelot with Gabriel Byrne as a more contemplative and subdued King Arthur, Marin Mazzie as Guenevere, and Nathan Gunn as Lancelot. What made this production stand out for me was it didn’t overdo anything, as this musical can oft be overwhelming, and also it featured Christopher Lloyd as Pellinore, a role I feel he was destined to do. Oh, if only they had done a spin-off adventure story starring Christopher Lloyd as Pellinore in his endless hunt for the Questing Beast.  

All in all, the history of Camelot I think reflects it perfectly for better or ill. It is not a universally appealing production. In my opinion, it was never destined to be, considering its content and style. It is very chatty, pontificating and philosophical, yet with its simply magic score, a lush fantastical world, sweeping tragic romance and swashbuckling glory, when it connects with people it connects as firmly as the sword in the stone.

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Our theme song and interstitial music all by the one and only Benedict Braxton Smith. Find out more about him at www.benedictbraxtonsmith.com

[moved-to-klirk-hammurton]

Punisher fan fiction: Chapter 1: Letting go of the ghosts

It's been two years since Frank ran into Nadya in Hells Kitchen. He was skeptical at first on the mere thought of working with someone again. After everything that happened back in 'Operation Cerberus,' Frank could never trust another living human. His back had been shot at and stabbed too many times, both literally and figuratively. But here he stood now, inside of one of his safe houses, with this woman known as 'Carbine' in the field operations. She too was ex marine from under William Rawlins. Her affiliation to Rawlins had caused Frank to be uneasy, but after these past two years, he's seen that she's just as damaged as he is.

Nadya had both physical and mental scars just like Frank. Her left arm and right leg were both prosthetic along with segments of her spine. All three had been created by the infamous Tony Stark and Doctor Strange. Nadya had completely lost her arm in an unsuspected I.E.D explosion. Her leg had been so badly damaged that she had no choice but to have it amputated. Each day when she'd wake up, it was a constant battle. But ever since she ran into Frank, waking up now seemed to be just a tad bit easier.

Together, each of their demons seemed to be quieting for the most part. They gave each other support and an understanding of one another. Their similarities helped fill in the gaping holes in one another heart and mind. They had a way of completing one another on levels that no one single person could understand because nobody else could relate to the torture that they each had endured to the point of being pushed into a numbing rage of emptiness.

But now sat Nadya. Her legs dangled off the edge of the counter near the sink within the safe houses kitchen. Next to her, propped up against the wall was a M-16. The gun metal was colored the darkest satin black that matched the hair of its owner. The barrel was grotesquely decorated by the blood splatters of its latest victims. Twenty more Yamato family members had been slain by Carbine that night. After her job was finished she returned back to the safe house, winded with exhaustion.

Her fair skin was stained with the crimson splatters of blood. A fine layer of sweat was just barely forming on her skin from the gun fight. Drawing a leg up to herself, she rests her foot on the edge of the counter and rests her head against her knee. The back of her mouth felt dry and it ached as though it had been assaulted by the heat of the deserts. She felt dead inside. A life of killing was all she knew. That's all she had ever done, fight and kill, all to survive and to gain vengeance.

She sighs to herself as she shrugs out of the bullet proof vest and strip down to a black camisole. She just wanted to wash today away. Her hands lightly shook as her mind whirled between reality and an episode of PTSD. Her vision kept blurring in and out of focus, changing her surroundings from the darkness of the safe house to the bright scenery of the Afghanistan deserts. Her body slumps to the side as bile threatened to rise into her throat from the pits of her stomach. As she opens her mouth to let the vile taste from her mouth, everything seemed to stop as a calloused hand rests on her shoulder. Nadya turns her head to see Frank standing a few inches away from where she sat.

"Frank..." she murmurs softly and offers a thin smile. Everything around her seemed to stop and come into focus. The bile that had once threatened to leap into her throat had settled down and her body stopped shaking. Frank gave her a sense of peace when he was around. His demons seemed to silence hers and vice versa.

"Killing on an empty stomach, that's never a wise idea. Especially out by yourself like that. What the hell were you thinking out there, huh?" Frank insisted, but his voice started to soften. Giving her a lecture wouldn't exactly make anything better at that very moment. The young woman was obviously rattled, and harshness wouldn't settle her rattled nerves. He sighs heavily, shaking his head slowly as he uses his sleeve to wipe blood spatter from Nadya's face. "That could have ended worse than what it did out there," he begins to say but he pauses again. He gives a small smirk, "but at least you killed them. That's less we gotta worry 'bout now."

His kind words caused a smile to form at Nadya's lips. She sits upright and brushes a few stray strands of black hair from her face. Her features were soft and feminine, nothing that would be expected out of a hardened marine. The only thing that really made her appear as a marine were her prosthetics and proficiency in sniping and making the quick kill on enemies. But none of that hardened veteran was visible now. She felt scared and empty, but around Frank none of that existed. She had feelings inside of herself she hadn't quite felt in quite a long time. Her whole body grew relaxed as Frank wiped the blood from her face. Out of sheer instinct, she leaned forward into his hand for the affection. It was a risk, but she felt comfortable taking it this time.

She places both hands firmly on the counter to better support herself. She jumps a bit, feeling a wet sensation on her face. It was cool but relaxing. A soft chuckle escapes past her lips as she realizes it was nothing more but a cool rag to get the spatter off of her skin. "Frank..." she says softly before smiling, "thank you." She looks to him as he drapes the rag back over the sink. He seemed to chuckle silently as his chest gave a small jerking motion like it would with a laugh as he shook his head passively.

"You'd do the same to me. You don't have to thank me for that. I'm just doing what you'd do for me, y'know?" He responds to her as he turns his head away slightly. Parts of him still held onto Maria too tightly, preventing him from even looking at a woman in the wrong way. He was so conflicted within himself. He already killed Rawlins and took out a large portion of the ANVIL soldiers, yet he still couldn't seem to find peace. Even with the fuckers dead, he still felt at war with everyone. The government and military, the drug lords a mobsters, the rapists and abusers, the nightmares when he slept, it was a never ending battle with no matter how much blood he spilled each night. Nothing could numb that anger inside of him. Nothing numbed it until now as he felt the soft hand of Nadya cup his cheek.

Parts of him told him to pull away, that he'd be betraying Maria, but other pieces of him told him to lean into her & accept the affection. Closing his eyes for only a moment, he decides to lean into her hand. His hands rest on either side of the hips of Nadya against the counter. She slowly lifts her other hand, the prosthetic one, and holds Frank's other cheek in her palm. Her thumbs caress the slightly worn skin of his face. Her blue orbs of eyes meet the darkened hazel ones of Frank. A sense of warmness and comfort fell over both Frank and Nadya in that very instant. There was her opening for the risk, leaning in closer to Frank, Nadya presses her lips against his in the softest manner for a kiss. He wanted to pull away but something in him held him still in that position. It was as though his mind shut down and was driven purely by instinct. His lips began to part and encase hers as his hand gently rests on her cheek. His fingers curl around her head and become entangled into her black locks of hair. As he's kissing her, he closes his eyes tightly and pulls away from her with a glint of shame at his eyes and face as his lips are pulled down into a small frown.

"Nad, I...I haven't been with a woman ever since Maria was taken from me. I-I-I can't do this. I can't lose someone else again. Trust me, parts of me want this. I just...I don't know how to put it right Nad," Frank begins to explain to her as he clinches his fists. His fists close so tightly that his knuckles begin to fade to white, losing their color from the tension. He dips his head down away from her as pain fills his chest, making it harder to breathe. But it wasn't all purely pain, part of it was fear. A fear that he couldn't quite let go of just yet. The fear of getting close to someone and losing them. It was scarred into his mind and burned into his heart. The weight in his chest grew heavier, causing tears to damn near form behind his eyelids.

Nadya chews the inside of her cheek as Frank pulls out of the kiss. Deep down, she completely understood him and what he was meaning. She too was scared to open up to anyone and let anyone in to get close to. Using her real hand, she gently lifts the chin of Frank so that his face was back to being eye level with her own. She too had her own tears in her eyes. The duo had been in a rocky and awkward relationship together the past two years. The pain they both felt wasn't exactly new, but It always felt like it. "Frank, baby look at me. You're not alone in this. You truly aren't. I...I feel the same way as you do. I'm scared to be open too. To get close again and to feel and to love. But it's never felt so right before until now. I...I want to take that chance, but only of you want to as well," she coos softly to him as she rubs her hand on his cheek ever so tenderly. "We've lived like this for years Frank...I...I want to let go of the ghosts we're chasing."

Frank opens his eyes and looks Nadya in the eyes. His expression shown he was listening intently to her words. Her words seemed to relieve that fearful pain he felt in the center of his chest. He felt as though a weight was lifted off of his heart and lungs at her tender words. It gave him a sense of closure and relief that he wasn't alone in this sensation of fear. "I ain't loved anyone ever since Maria...haven't let anyone in or close to me. I've been dead on the inside for ten years now Nad, up until now, I think that's going to change. I've been chasing ghosts for too long now," he finally admits to her. He felt a sense of happiness inside of him for the first time in a decade. And why? Because someone else understood his pains and his fears. Someone was able to relate to him from losing loved ones, to losing themselves on the battlefield. For the first time in a decade, Frank felt a sense of completion.