#you are my ultimate bestie in crime

[fuckmeyer]

hey bestie i'm finally here with that essay about jacob fighting for bella's humanity w/o being a love interest bc the potential that has! he's set up to be the perfect avenue for it! he's the warmth and sun that she loved from arizona; he's the community and family she could be deeply enmeshed in w/ charlie and billy; he's a childhood friend who grew up (which bella's going to lose the potential to do if she becomes a vampire! and she's going to forget that past!); he's someone who fixes up old damaged cars instead of having perfect ones, and they aren't the *same* but they're still good...he's literally thematically everything best abt being human that bella will lose, AND examples of the negatives she sees in humanity, (all the times she thinks abt how the wolves are fragile in comparison to the vampires)...and it would just be SO fascinating to see that played out w/out the romance. it would honestly be even more powerful! bc baked into smeyer's worldbuilding is that vampires prioritize their romantic partners above everything else and having jacob be the true contrast to that where he's a platonic connection that bella genuinely values equally and she has to think abt how becoming a vampire would cut her off from the potential of connections like that!!! i am thinking so many thoughts

BESTIE thank you as always for dropping the Jacob love in my inbox!

you're so right about Jacob being the perfect avenue to explore Bella's doubt about vampirism! the warmth & family & community & LOVE & acceptance & nostalgia she loves about humanity is all embodied in Jacob's character & in their relationship. she likes hand-me-downs & homemade gifts! she likes acts of service! she likes reckless stunts that remind her of her own fragility & weakness! she likes warm sodas & spaghetti dinners! she likes being reminded that she belongs somewhere! & THIS IS JACOB <3

the fact that their relationship isn't utilized to this end (or any end, really) is my biggest problem with Eclipse. Bella drops little hints in the narrative that she's nervous about becoming a vampire. there are so many opportunities— e.g. when Rose tells her story— for her to reflect on what she's giving up.

in the end, she doesn't sum up the argument in a compelling way & doesn't make her choice in a believable way.

in part because the event that kicks off her grand realization that she's not ready (AKA THE CONFLICT OF HER ENTIRE SERIES ARC) is ...graduation

big life event as a catalyst seems to make sense. but how relevant is it to her narrative? & once it's brought up, we don't we see her digging into why she's nervous. what about saying goodbye makes her not ready? what about getting what she wants terrifies her? what does she need to sort through? what plans does she need to make? we're left to wonder what's running through Bella's mind re: the biggest decision of the series...in a first person narrative. no!!!

Jacob, who embodies all these ideals of her humanity, should be the one to push her to this realization. the climax of her internal conflict should be focused around him: losing him physically/emotionally (or both), & everything he represents. there is so much weight that her relationship with Jacob adds to her choice if she's allowed to love him and Edward unconditionally! as a romantic interest, all Jacob's doing is pushing her away.

(& that's why this whole fucking triangle makes no sense. he loves her so much he remembers her from early childhood. he loves her so much he'll sit there for months & pick up her broken pieces. he loves her so much he'll spend every moment just doing silly little hobbies together. he loves her so much he wants to fight for her humanity "until her heart stops beating" AND EVEN AFTER. but he doesn't love her enough to respect her choices or opinions? he doesn't love her enough to know that by being an asshole, he's pushing her closer to death? imo this is where we see stephie's grubby hands moving pieces. Jacob loves her more than he's in love with her.)

& so, because the "i'm not ready" realization is tied to something Bella doesn't give a shit about, the realization that she is ready is equally empty

what makes her decide she's ready to become a vampire is GUILT & FEAR & ANGUISH. she's "ready" to become a vampire because she feels weak & useless. worse, this realization is not touched on as the event (the training sesh) unfolds. she has this realization OFF-PAGE & then shows up to Edward's proposal like "yeah i'm ready to become a vampire but first i wanna fuck :)"

& we're supposed to buy that? girl, you resolved nothing internally. you didn't show us what changed for you. you're making this decision out of fear instead of out of love. & we're supposed to believe this is what little miss "thoughtful & responsible" wants???

it's such a blatant disregard to all the growth she went through & the relationships she developed. you can't just turn Jacob in a fucking asshole & turn the choice into a non-choice & call it day. Jacob deserves better, Bella deserves better, & the readers deserve better!!

MAKE 👏 EVERYONE 👏 SUFFER👏👏👏

(in the name of love!)

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Finals

Propaganda Under Cut

Sakura Haruno

Her husband is gay and her author doesn't know how to write women. So many people say she's the worst but she. DESERVES. BETTER!!! Save her from this franchise.

My baby girl my bestie my best friend. She committed the crime of um being written by kishimoto who both doesn’t know how to write women and somehow writes men in the gayest way possible specifically naruto and sasuke. Like the thing is naruto and sasuke ARE gay and also she gets so much hate for the crime of kishimoto writing her one dimensionally in love with sasuke. I know her personally she is a butch lesbian to me just trust me she’s in love with Ino and has a lesbian thing going on with Karin okay just trust me. My everything. She needs to divorce the loveless lavender marriage she’s in 

What is there to say, even? The OG Threat to my 90s anime brain, the only woman I've ever hated with such a passion she made me turn away from the color pink. I used to write fics with my friend where she got left behind on purpose so our OCs could join the Naruto and Sasuke team instead. I loathed this bitch until I was 16 and realized the author simply couldnt write women and decided it was time to make peace with Sakura. It is not her fault she's vaguely written and obsessive over Sasuke. She deserves better. Sasuke and Naruto still should be together and Sakura shouldnt be with Sasuke but I no longer believe this because I hate Sakura, it is because I love her. She deserves a spouse who will actually put in the time to treat her like the hero she is.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime

[dean-isms]

dean’s ultimate nov. 5th watchlist: must-sees for your favorite angel

every reference (up through 13x11) that dean has made to or about castiel.

Partners in Crime (They’re Besties, Your Honor!):

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody (2005-2008)

Starsky and Hutch (1975-1979)*

Midnight Run (1988)

Every Which Way But Loose (1978)

Any Which Way You Can (1980)

Eric Clapton - Guitarist

Jimmy Page: Led Zeppelin*

Which Could Mean Nothing (Nice Try, Dean):

Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie (1969-Present)

Thelma and Louise (1991)

Titanic (1997)*

Saturday Night Fever (1977)

How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998)

Angel Allegory:

Highway to Heaven (1984-1989)

The Ten Commandments (1956)

Back to the Future (1985)*

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)*

Fatal Attraction (1987)

Stairway To Heaven (Led Zeppelin, 1971)

He’s a Weird, Dorky Little Dude (Cas Comparisons):

The Hamburglar (Various Commercials)

Kojak (1963-1978)*

Perfect Strangers (1986-1993)

I Dream of Jeannie (1965-1970)*

Superman (1978)*

Sherlock Holmes (Multiple)

Stephen Stills: Crosby, Stills, and Nash*

Fantastic Four (2005, 2007)*

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)*

Scooby-Doo (Various Media, 1969)*

Unsuccessful Inside Jokes (Case Related Cracks):

Outbreak (1995)*

Zombieland (2009)

Pleasantville (1998)

Dr. No (1962)

The Wizard of Oz (1939)*

Soylent Green (1973)

Zero Dark Thirty (2012)*

Indiana Jones (1981, 1984, 1989, 2008, 2023)*

Breaking Bad (2008-2013)*

Three Men and a Baby (1987)*

I Shot The Sheriff (Bob Marley, 1973)*

Black Sabbath (1968-2017)

Gary Busey (Actor)

Mad Max (1979)

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)*

Date Night Ideas (Making Fun of Sam):

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)*

Replicant (2001)

Blade Runner (1982)

Welcome to Humanity (Dean’s Recommendations):

The Wire (2002-2008)

Game of Thrones (2011-2019)*

Tombstone (1993)*

Castiel’s Choices:

Jenny Jones (1991-2003)

Dean’s Cowboy Fetish:

Dave Mather (Historical Figure)

Curly Bill Brocius (Historical Figure)

Wyatt Earp (Historical Figure)

Clay Allison (Historical Figure)

Kurt Russell (Actor)

Val Kilmer (Actor)

Tombstone (1993)*

Wild Bill (1995)

BONUS ENTRY COURTESY OF MEG MASTERS:

It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

This is just updated through where I’m at on my rewatch, so I’m sure it’ll be getting some updates in the future! Unlike the Halloween watchlist, this also includes television shows and music, so have fun, maybe order a little pizza 😉, and happy November 5th!

*repeat mentions

[lurkingshan]

This might be an assumption I'm making, but would you say that romance is one of your favourite genres? Are there any other genres that you enjoy? (Yes, I am angling for recommendations even though my to watch list has over 200 shows and movies)

I would in fact say that romance is my favorite genre, I'm something of a romance fiend and have been since I was a wee child. There's a reason I love kdrama and bl so much, and that's because they cater to my tastes so perfectly. I've already shared some of my favorite romance recs here, though I always have more if you need them.

In terms of non-romance dramas, I have plenty of recs for those, as well! Even though romance is my fav I watch a lot of other stuff, too. I recently did a list of friendship focused dramas here. And of course, a lot of dramas include romance storylines even if the main story is not a romance; that is very common in Asian media (and why we love it).

A few other genres that I love, and the dramas I count among my favs in each category:

Action/thriller dramas: Happiness (pandemic zombies and two badass besties who know how to use a bat), Healer (classic kdrama that I need to rewatch again), Reset (cdrama time loop thriller and it is so good), The Crowned Clown (the what if we replaced the king with a fake trope treated with utter seriousness), The Glory (the ultimate revenge drama, cw for extreme depictions of school bullying).

Family dramas: I especially love dramas about families that span years and allow you to see how a family changes over time. Some of my favs include 10 Years Ticket (cw for depictions of family abuse), 18 Again (actually a very sweet one about a dad who ends up back in his teenage body and bonds with his teen children while repairing his marriage), Go Ahead (MY BELOVED I will find a way to include it in every rec post), Go Back Couple (a couple on the verge of divorce goes back in time and gets a do-over), Reply 1988 (best installment of the Reply series with a strong focus on five different families who live on the same block). And of course a recent entry here is Moving (but you know that one already).

Mystery/crime dramas: Beyond Evil (everyone in bl fandom has already heard of this but it is not actually bl fam, it is an excellent crime drama with two magnetic leads though), Extracurricular (poor high school students getting up to some bad shit in order to survive), Manner of Death (a classic mystery with a romance subplot), Signal (A+ long form mystery with a time travel twist), The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (crime drama hingeing on a tragic romance).

Supernatural/fantasy dramas: Alchemy of Souls (supernatural sageuk with magic and body soul swapping and lots of fun), Goblin (do I even need to tell you about this one?), Kingdom (sageuk zombies), Mystic Pop-Up Bar (found family mystical dream healing), Oh No! Here Comes Trouble (also a crime drama but the supernatural part is crucial), The Uncanny Counter (found family grim reapers).

Workplace dramas: Misaeng (THE GOAT), My Mister (set in a workplace but not primarily about work because it's way more about trauma), Pinnochio (kind of crosses genres but I'm putting it here because the leads are reporters and their work is important to the plot), Search: WWW (three women in tech trying not to let the bastards keep them down).

[rose-edith]

I always keep going over my ankle and it's a PAIN! But this made me think of an ask, what if you keep tripping over but you always seem to fall into Gibbs. When he isn't around you're fine but when he's next to you you always seem to trip over every single thing in your way and into him.

P.S

WUV YOU BESTIE!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Hope you like it! I wuv you too 🥰

“You’ve got to stop falling for me like this.”

It was a source of incredible pain and embarrassment for you really, but everytime your Boss appears at your side you suddenly become the clumsiest human being to exist!

You’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve tumbled, tripped, slipped and ultimately crashed into his arms: on crime scenes tripping over tree roots, slipping on some bodily fluids you’d rather not recall in autopsy and being caught by his strong hands. Yes, Gibbs saving you from falling has become a habit. You’ve even been known to trip over thin air as you’re walking on a flat, dry surface- and still he’s at your aid. Or rather, you’ve come to realise, he’s the cause of your problem- though why you’ve no idea!

At first it was funny, the team had great fun teasing you for being so clumsy, teasing you for always being caught by the Boss man. But then it didn’t stop! It kept on happening, and it hurts! There’s not a day where your ankle isn’t sore, where it’s not bruised or swollen. And it’s not so funny anymore, Ziva, Tim, Tony, they all try to keep Gibbs away from you; they’ve spotted that you only fall when he appears too…but it’s not good.

Until today. Today had been and gone with no fall! You were just putting away the last of your papers, behind Gibbs’s desk, before going home when your luck ran out.

He catches you without even looking up from his report, you’d tripped on the metal bin at the side of his desk as you can to stack some papers. The papers cascaded to the floor like a waterfall, meanwhile Jethro had pulled you into his lap. The gasp of alarm morphed into a squeal as his hand landed on your waist and your ass landed on his thighs.

“You know you’ve got to stop falling for me like this.” He clicks the pen and sets it down, smirking as he meets your eyes. He likes how flustered you are. “Ankle rolling out again?” He asks. But he’s not even waiting for your response, he knows it is. He slides his fingers down your shin, rubbing at your swollen, sore ankle.

“Yeah, Boss.” You smile sadly, tears filling your eyes. But you don’t let them fall.

He sees your wet eyes and it makes his heart pang. “Don’t cry, we’ll get you some painkillers, we’ll get you some ankle supports…and then I’ll take you back to my place.” He says simply, calmly.

“Why your place?” But you’re not resisting the idea, you’re absolutely all for it! You settle against his lap, letting your palm rest flat over his heart so you can feel the steady, coffee fuelled beat of it.

“Like I said- you’ve got to stop falling for me like this. Instead we’re going to talk about how you’ve actually fallen for me.” He licks his lips as he finishes speaking, and your eyes linger on the path taken by his tongue…you understand what he means.

You nod. Perhaps falling isn’t so bad after all?

[woodsdyke]

in a shot, i'd swap my body for a body of water worry the cliff side top as a wave crashing over i'd lower the world in a flood, or better yet i'd cause a drought if I was a rip tide, i wouldn't take you out

been slowly picking at this throughout the month, took forever because i was in the process of moving. had a lot of fun with it tho. aveline and johan, really awful as fiancés but great vengeful gay besties. make them regret everything they did to hurt you. go girlies. fuck up their day

(white wasn't customary for weddings in the 18th century but consider: it was for the vibe. ty)

some additional info about these two under the cut because i think about them sooooo much

(tl;dr what if u were two traumatized gay people who had to get married but instead you did crimes that would get you executed by the state, found each other again, now gayer and happier, and became besties who bond over how fucked up your life was and how cool it’d be if the people who hurt you got what they deserved. Wouldn’t that be neat?)

TW discussions of abuse (inc. of children)

.

.

.

Aveline Montclair and Johan Groeneveld both grew up as aristocrats, and have always been godawful at it in new, exciting ways. Aveline is aggressive, stubborn, and prone to lashing out, and her family is unable to find a suitor for her because she’s now stabbed two of them in the hand with a fork (deserved, maybe overkill). Johan is an incredibly reluctant admiral of the dutch royal navy, a kind-hearted, captivatingly anxious man who would much rather be doing a nice artist residency in the countryside right about now.

Their families have a very long history, so ultimately they decide to just marry the two of them off to each other and be done with it. ‘won’t this be an absolute disaster and cause inevitable chaos’ probably. they don’t care.

Their engagement is short-lived but miserable; Aveline despises Johan for taking away the last scrap of freedom she had and trapping her in a life she hates (despite knowing that Johan really didn’t have a say in any of this). Johan resents her because he’s just trying to make the best of a bad situation, while she’s hellbent in making them both miserable.

(we won’t unpack how they both expected unhappiness from the start because the thought of marrying each other made them both feel sick – besties, you are gay. You’ll get there. It’s ok)

To skim over a Lot of things, Aveline runs off with pirates, Johan makes a series of mistakes that lead to him defecting from the navy and going on the run because he knows what will happen if the royal navy finds him. Despite all odds, they run into each other again. It’s a disaster, at first, until they realize some time apart has made a difference, and most importantly helped them realize they’re more alike than they thought. They’re a couple of scared, hurt kids, forced to grow up too fast, who want someone, something to pay for what was done to them. they spent years of their lives at each other’s throats and never stopped to think that maybe there was a bigger enemy to challenge that wasn’t each other.

Turns out when your every move isn’t controlled by your abusers, you can actually make decisions for yourself, and can decide not to ruin your own and someone else’s life over misplaced blame and defensive anger.

turns out if both of you are so intensely repulsed by the thought of being in a heterosexual marriage with anyone, let alone each other, maybe you are gay

and during all of it, they knew. The last thing anyone in the Montclair or Groeneveld families wanted was for Johan and Aveline to realize they’re better friends than enemies. Aveline’s mean, she wants blood on her hands, and Johan has the quiet, relaxed cunning that’s frightening in an angrier man and straight up dangerous in him. They’re a threat as a pair, ironically enough for the people who set them up to tear each other apart so they wouldn’t have to deal with them or acknowledge how badly they fucked up their kids.

Aveline wants to tear into her problems with her teeth. Johan is tired of being fearfully obedient and wants everyone to know it.

things aren’t fully right between them, not really, and won’t be for a very long time – too much history, too much of a lifetime of abuse at the hands of the same people – but things are good between them. one of those once-in-a-lifetime kinds of friendships. Regardless of the outcome, having someone to get angry with, to mourn the loss of a childhood with, to voice those thoughts kept close to their chest on the ways they hope those who hurt them will pay, it’s healing, and right now, they need each other (they always did).

And no matter what happens, if Aveline ever gets the revenge she dreams of, if Johan can have a life well-lived, in spite of being told he was always destined to fail, there’s one thing that won’t change:

Aveline is an only child, Johan is the only surviving Groeneveld son. There’s power in knowing the Montclair and Groeneveld bloodlines end with them.

[zablife]

Housekeeping + WIP List 12/6/23

❧To my new followers, welcome and ty for putting your age in your bio!! Coming up on 2K soon!

❧Tysm to everyone liking my work 💕, but reblogs do more to circulate fics on this site!! I love hearing from you so reblog and/or comment. (Anon asks are great too if you're shy ☺️)

❧Cleaning up my inbox and making a new WIP list (below the cut).

ONE SHOTS

Say Yes to Heaven-dark!Arthur x reader

Arthur is deeply upset by the way your husband is treating you and decides to take matters into his own hands in order to save you. However, his protection soon grows into an unhealthy obsession. 

My Martha-Finn x Martha x John Requested by anon

When a six year old Finn meets a kind seamstress during the war, he’s immediately taken with her charm and beauty. However, it’s his older brother, John, who ultimately wins her favor, causing Finn to experience his first case of a broken heart. 

Secrets and Lies - Tommy x OC Requested by @alimosblog

The new barmaid has a secret she's desperately trying to hide from Tommy. When her past begins to threaten his family's future, who will he remain loyal to?

Call Me-Tommy x reader Requested by @look-at-the-soul

Tommy can't imagine why you haven't used the private number he gave you. He instructed you to call him whenever you like, but you weren't about to give in so easily.

Windflowers-Tommy x Lily (OC Tommy's wife) Requested by @jomarch-wannabe

A continuation of my fic, Lily, where we revisit Tommy and his wife five years after the death of their daughter. As Lily wakes from a nightmare Tommy is there to comfort her.

Charlie's Lullaby-Tommy x nanny Requested by @the-fangirl-diaries

After the loss of his wife, Tommy is badly in need of rest. One night he finds Charlie's nanny comforting the child in the nursery and her presence calms Tommy as well.

Untitled Tommy x anxious reader Requested by anon

Your anxiety peaks during a lavish party surrounded by Tommy's work colleagues. Afraid he might be angry, you try to hide the signs, but Tommy knows you too well and comes to your rescue.

Untitled Tommy x American mafia princess Requested by anon

When Tommy is introduced to the daughter of an American mob boss, he's intrigued enough to follow her to America.

SERIES

Partners in Crime-Part 6 "Birthday Gift"--John x Y/n Solomons requested by @dreamlandcreations

Their unique skill sets and their older brothers' greed have brought them together against their will. Can they learn to get along? In this AU John and Alfie's sister are problematic besties.

Tachipen-Part 7 --Tommy x reader

With the flip of a coin, Tommy makes a deal to bring a 20 year old gypsy girl into the Shelby clan. Considering her too young to marry, he employs her as a nanny. When tragedy strikes, he’s forced to confront the truth he has always known. 

As Long As I Live-Part 2 --Tommy x Amelia (OC Tommy's daughter)

Tommy's long lost daughter appears at Arrow House and quickly becomes a beloved part of the family. What happens to their relationship when he attempts to mend a feud with the Gold family by offering her hand in marriage to Bonnie? 

[azumasoroshi]

i didnt know i needed sholmes and kazuma to interact holy shit

baffled kazuma is my favorite flavor of kazuma

where the fuck did ryuunosuke go did he plaster himself to the roof like spiderman

or is sholmes just playing dumb like "oh he has a boyfriend in his closet?? as a fellow homosexual i can't possibly out him, that's against the bro code" while ryuunosuke stared at sholmes wide eyed like "whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhattHEFUCK"

SHOLMES HOW DID Y O U FIT IN THE WARDROBE

kris is kazuma queen is sholmes noelle is ryuunosuke and berdly is strogenov

i know it's not what happened but itd be really funny especially since you would definitely see sholmes and ryuunosuke in there no matter how high up they were

ryuunosuke is just devoted to his bestie <3 or sholmes just has the adhd with the hyperactivity and ryuunosuke has adhd without hyperactivity

i immediately thought of the danganronpa ON THE MEAT BONE meme help

OH SHOLMES IS THE THIEF ISNT HE

HASUHSUDHAUHGSDUHSD

my guy ate three steaks while running away from the crime scene what the hell

it would be really funny if the criminal was kazuma though. he needs to get steak for his bf and the bones are in the wardrobe because he fed them to ryuu lmfaoooo

i love threatening cheeky sholmes he WAS covering for his fellow gays what a bro

why was ryuunosuke under the bed though lmfao

WHY DOES NOCTURNE PLAY WHEN KAZUMA CALLS HIM A GREAT DETECTIVE AHSKDGSHDJGJH

nocturne makes you cry in 1-2 and then it's used for the stupidest shit like 2-1 and whatever this is

and then it makes you cry again in 2-3 lmfao the duality of nocturne getchoself a song with this mad range

IT'S SO WEIRD TO SEE RYUUNOSUKE'S MODEL OUTSIDE OF COURT especially with that facial expression

i do like actually seeing ryuunosuke in different environments though lmfao his archery arm guard thing is cool

also i love how proud he is of this as though sholmes didnt notice him anyway

WAIT WAS IT RYUUNOSUKE WHAT THE FUCK

am i becoming a ryuunosuke simp why did my heart skip a beat when he looked at the camera lmAOOO

it must be the kazuma pov since he's the ultimate ryuunosuke simp

oh so sholmes DID steal the other two steaks i KNEW it

also new ryuunosuke pose!!! the fact that we cant see these in game normally is absolutely tragic we should have a whole game from kazuma's pov with him simping for ryuunosuke

the entirety of case 2 is just figuring out who was really the other's pet lmfao

like. are you sure about that kazuma. i know what you are

OH MY GOD!!! THEIR MODELS ARE ON SCREEN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

they couldnt resist not showing kazuma's titties which is very understandable

great mischief-maker. undoubtably

it would be so fucking funny if kazuma was a fan of herlock in the way susato was oh my godddddd

i can just imagine them doing dances of deduction as kids and mikotoba is like no no that's all wrong and starts busting out moves and they were like holy SHIT

ryuunosuke looking at kazuma like hey what is that face. im still your babygirl right. right kazuma

why do all the japanese people default to german im

what was the joke in japanese since he's referred to as sherlock there im so curious

if anyone knows tell me

(source: x)

[ticklystuff]

Hi dear!!

Since I'm heads over hills him, can I ask for F, P and V for Caelus?

Love u

tickly alphabet!

hiiii nim! thank you for requesting bby boy i love him so much

F: Fight | What is their behavior in a tickle fight like?

I love when my MCs are slightly unhinged, like little gremlins that bite your ankles in the middle of the night and I like projecting this kind of energy onto Caelus. Anyway, I can't imagine him being the type that would take losing well because he's the ✨protagonist✨ after all and sometimes violence is the answer to winning (can't tickle back when your arms are snapped in three after all) so when he's being tickled, he will throw punches and kick his legs just to free himself because he can just apologize for any injuries later

When he has the upper hand, he'll like laugh along with the lee, which might sound kind of maniacal, but it's actually kinda cute because it means he's having a fun time demolishing the competition

P: Partner In Crime | If they were to go after a lee and accept the aid of a tickle partner, who do they prefer to join hands with and why?

The rest of this ask is just gonna be all about dancae hoohooheee~

But ahem, the obvious answer here is March because the two of them are besties. The day that Caelus stepped onto the train, March pulled him into her room to start gossiping about Dan Heng and she spilled everything she knows about Dan Heng, even the fact that he's ticklish, which Caelus took great interest in. Obviously, they have to do something with this info, so the first thing they do is seek out Dan Heng mwehehehe

And then when they find out Dan Heng has a dragon form, naturally the first thing Caelus thinks of is to test whether Dan Heng is still sensitive in the same areas, to which he enlists help from March~

V: Victim | As a ler, who is their favorite lee and what makes this person their ultimate victim?

idk why you'd send this one because y'know the answer jk any reason to talk about them

I am legally obligated to say Dan Heng because:

Caelus is madly in love

Dan Heng is the typical stoic lee with a pretty smile, but hardly uses it, so Caelus has taken it upon himself to fix that issue

Caelus loves teasing Dan Heng because Dan Heng always has a perfect response/answer to everything, but all Caelus needs to do is wiggle his fingers in Dan Heng's direction to turn him into a stuttering mess

Caelus also loves praising Dan Heng while tickling him by telling him stuff like that he has the prettiest laugh and smile because not only does it fluster Dan Heng to the highest degree, Dan Heng will try to cover his face to hide the blush creeping on his face, which means his arms aren't able to stop Caelus from tickling him even more and Caelus won't stop till Dan Heng admits those things himself (a simple "yes" or "I agree" wont suffice; Dan Heng needs to say "I have the prettiest laugh" word-for-word if he wants Caelus to stop)

[leogichidaa]

Where is the Loyalty? Regulus and Peter

It occurred to me yesterday (note: this has been in my drafts since October 8. Yesterday was over a month ago) that I've made a meta about the parallels between Remus and Regulus (The Great Pretenders) and James and Regulus (Mine!) and I'm constantly comparing and drawing parallels between Sirius and Regulus, but I've left poor Peter out! Which is really an oversight, because there's plenty to draw from in comparing their arcs.

A while back, I was discussing why I related to Regulus with a colleague. I brought up Regulus' (largely self-imposed) limited agency and the fact that he goes along with others' expectations, just floating through life like a leaf in a stream, subject to the mercy of the current. And my colleague's reply was, "Well, he was the ultimate follower until he wasn't." I think that applies to Peter as well.

The Ultimate Follower

Regulus, at least from the information we get in canon, was happy to follow the path laid out for him by his parents. Later, as an adolescent, his rebellious teenage act appears to be becoming an underling doing the bidding of a fascist terrorist leader. Kreacher tells us (emphasis mine):

and when he was sixteen years old, Master Regulus joined the Dark Lord. So proud, so proud, so happy to serve 

So happy to serve...setting aside what it means for a house elf to talk about his beloved Master as someone who is eager to serve, that is quite the statement. Regulus, who was raised to believe that his blood made him superior, reportedly took pride in being an obedient and loyal follower and allowing himself to be subservient to others in the name of the cause.

Peter is also described consistently as a follower who seems to delight in taking a backseat to more powerful, assertive, and ambitious men. The first time he is ever mentioned he is described as "tagging around after" Sirius and James. He "hero-worshipped Black and Potter" according to McGonagall (and Regulus' Voldemort collage also smacks of hero-worship).

Everyone in Three Broomsticks during this conversation also calls Peter "little" about a hundred times. Regulus, too, is described as "smaller, slighter" than Sirius. A minor detail, but metaphorically, this plays into the idea that they are weaker, softer, less capable, and thus more naturally inclined to follow the lead of others.

Sirius mentions in the Shrieking Shack in PoA that Peter wanted to make sure Voldemort was the "biggest bully in the playground" before he committed to supporting him. He said that Peter "always liked big friends who'd look after you" and implied that Peter snuck around with "people who were stronger and more powerful" than him. Sirius also describes Regulus as "soft enough to believe [their parents]"; he sees Regulus as pliable and inclined to fall in line with stronger minded people.

Sirius also claims that he suggested the change in Secret Keeper because Voldemort would never suspect that a "weak, talentless thing" like Peter would be entrusted with the duty. He tells Harry "I doubt Regulus was ever important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person." He uses Voldemort's assumed low opinion of Peter and Regulus as a way to further degrade their value (which is...interesting).

It's worth noting that I think Sirius' assessment of both of them is flawed. I think he underestimates Peter to his great detriment. And, as I've mentioned before, he minimizes Regulus' agency and crimes to make Regulus' choices more palatable.

I don't think there's anything soft, weak, or cowardly about joining a war. 'Oh, but Leo, they were followers,' you might say. 'They were peer pressured into joining because they were too frail minded to decide not to actively fight in a war.' But that doesn't add up, imo, especially when you consider that they each betrayed their side in the end. When I was that age, I was soft-spoken, people pleasing, and cowardly. If my besties from high school were like, "hey, we're going to fight a bunch of violent bigots and risk torture and death, come join us," I would have wished them luck and then fled the country. Fuck that shit, I'm out.

The fact remains, though, that both Regulus and Peter were perceived as weak and inferior boys who clung to the apron strings of stronger friends and allies.

(It's interesting to note that in PoA, Harry imagines the scene of Sirius cornering and killing Peter and he pictures Peter looking like Neville. It's unsurprising that Harry makes that link with the information he has at the time, but the comparison to Neville isn't entirely off base in the end. Neville is also thought to be soft, weak, and incompetent, but turns out to be much stronger and more assertive than anyone would have expected.)

Until He Wasn't

Peter, who was "never in [James and Sirius'] league, talent wise", and Regulus who was never "important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person" had their limits to loyalty, as it turned out. We don't get any solid indication about why either of them decided to turn traitor to their side, but I'm going to speculate that being constantly underestimated didn't exactly engender allegiance in them.

In the glimpse of the marauder dynamic that we get in Snape's Worst Memory, it is clear that Peter is at the bottom of the friendship hierarchy. He plays the role of James' cheerleader and ego-booster and he's mocked by Sirius for it. In fact, the Pottermore article on Remus confirms that James and Sirius were never really inclined to be friends with Peter in the first place:

Remus, always the underdog's friend, was kind to short and rather slow Peter Pettigrew, a fellow Gryffindor, whom James and Sirius might not have thought worthy of their attention without Remus's persuasion.

Not thought worthy of their attention...ffs. Well, he certainly got their attention in the end and showed he was talented and clever when he systematically ruined their lives.

For Regulus, I think Voldemort discarding Kreacher was very much symbolic of the lack of care and respect that Voldemort had for the old pureblood families, like the Blacks. I think the horror of the Horcrux was the primary motivator for Regulus to disavow Voldemort, but I think the disrespect was deeply important to him as well. His letter to Voldemort starts with "I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret." It was not enough for him to steal the Horcrux, he needed Voldemort to know that it was little teenage Regulus who fucked him over in the end. Unfortunate that Voldemort never actually found out he stole it because Harry got there first.

I think that both Regulus and Peter had strengths that were often overlooked because they were compared to more boisterous, outspoken people like Sirius. I think they were both eager for some recognition of their value and had a strong desire to prove themselves, which was likely a draw that brought them into the war in the first place. But in the end, they were neither of them content with the way their side treated them. Regulus decided, more wisely, "fuck everyone", stole a Horcrux, and promptly died. Peter, for whatever reason, decided to keep being an underling, just for a different, objectively worse, boss. In the end, though, he, like Regulus, died at the hands of Voldemort's magic for defying Voldemort.

[abl0gnam3lia]

Im new and here's a first post talking about how Sam deserves to be with his space fam ( this is Marvel related btw)

The MCU has been not so gud lately, I don't think u need ANOTHER person saying that. But just like everyone else I do think that the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie is SO FUCKING GOOOD. And it got me realise something, other then the fact that I didn't realise how much of a fan I was of the Guardians, I ALSO realise that there isn't any fanfiction with Sam Alexander with any of the Guardians. If you don't know who Sam is he is the 2nd Nova in the Comics while Richard is the first. U can do ur research I'm not really here to summarise his character but he does technically interact with them in the comics, and the Ultimate Spider - man cartoon and Guardians of the Galaxy cartoon, there are more interactions that he has with them. And I honestly think he would have an interesting dynamic with them and adds something to the group, u know being the only kid in the group. But I see on AO3, there's barely ANY fanfics of him with them if not at all and I see this as a federal crime. How dare u people not do anything with this? There's so much potential, hell try making a fanfic that maybe inserts him in the MCU somehow or how he fits in the group literally ANYTHING GOOD MY SON HAS SO MUCH TO ADD. Look maybe I'm asking for too much, plus Richard is a lot more interesting as a character but STILL. IM GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL KNOWING THAT THERES BARELY A TINY SALT OF CONTENT OF SAM AND THATS JUST A HATE CRIME AGAINST HIM. ALSO ALSO HE DESERVES HIS BESTIES MILES AND KAMALA TOO, YEP, THATS RIGHT IM GETTING THEM INVOLVED TOO. Imagine the trio discussing their families and then we have Sam, who not only has a mom and a sister, BUT A MCFREAKING SPACE FAM CONSISTING OF A TALIING TREE, A GUN SHOOTING RACCON, AND ASSASSIN WHOS THE MOST DEADLIEST WOMAN IN THE GALAXY, A QUOTE ON QUOTE DESTROYER AND A PIRATE/ CRIMINAL. The reaction to that would just be so-

So uhmm, I'm yeah case in point Sam deserves more Fanart and Fanfic with his Space family and Miles and Kamala ( or boyfriend and girlfriend-) and he deserves to be in the MCU to share Saif dynamics with said characters.

Note: so if there is any updates about, you know, fanfiction related to my boy Sam with his Space Fam let me know please, I beg.

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

tti episode 6

“Last time on Total Takes Island, the campers had their survival skills put to the test in an overnight camping trip- and oh boy, did some of those campers trip hard! Ultimately, Kitty disappeared and the Inane Anons secured another victory, keeping the Fujoshis on their sharp losing streak. Ouch! Will the Flying Fujoshis finally win an episode? Will Julia finally snap and kill Max, or vice versa? Find out now on Total! Takes! Island!”

“Goooood morning, campers! Up bright and early, I hope!”

Bonnie looks up from where they were lying face-down on their pillow, their hair a matted mess. They sit up, stretch, and check the time on the tablet they’d snuck in- 5:03 AM. 

“After that terrible camping trip, the least he could do is let us sleep!” Courtney sighs, hopping off of the top bunk. Ass rolls over in their bed and covers their ears. “Has anyone seen-?”

Mal pops into the cabin, holding a plate of actual food- sunny-side up eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee. Bonnie and Courtney stare at it like wild animals as Mal carries the tray over to Ass’ bunk. “Hey, got you some breakfast,”

Ass slightly pulls up their sleeping mask, looking over their shoulder- and then pulls it back down and turns to face the wall. Mal sighs and scrapes the food off in the garbage bin, much to Bonnie and Courtney’s dismay. 

---

BONNIE: “I don’t know, nor do I care, what’s happening between those two, but wasting real food? I don’t care how sad you are, that’s a war crime,”

---

COURTNEY: “Mal seems… actually upset. I’m starting to wonder if maybe she has changed.”

---

Ass stands on one side of Bonnie as the team gathers outside the mess hall after breakfast, glaring sharply at Mal, who’s beginning to look a little nervous. 

She turns to Sha-Mod and Caesar. “Hey, if it came down to it, I could count on your guys’ votes, right?” 

Caesar raises an eyebrow and Sha-Mod’s Lightning picture flaps a little in the breeze. “What makes you ask?”

“Sigh… nothing… Just rumors…” She says as she walks off. 

---

CAESAR: “Okay, first of all, she said “sigh” out loud. Second of all, if there’s a rumor abound that I didn’t start, I have to know what it is! If I had to guess, I’m gonna say Mal and her “friend” Ass had some kind of falling out. I’ll confirm with Bonnie later.”

---

The Anons seem to be a little less conflicted today as they lull around outside their cabin in relative silence. Michael leans against the splintery wooden railing of the stairs, watching Scary scamper under the porch with a rat in their teeth.

Max opens the screen door to the boys side and takes a seat on the step next to Michael. "H-"

"Gooood morning, bestie!" Julia grins, forcing herself between the two to give Michael a hug.

"Jesus, hi!" Michael laughs back. Julia looks over her shoulder to glare at Max.

---

JULIA: "So, right now, my only goal is keeping Michael on my side- which means not letting that little weasel get to her first. I'm already at a disadvantage, considering that they basically spent the entire camping challenge alone in the woods together doing God knows what, so I have to dedicate all my time today to keeping Michael close," she grins. "The devil works hard, but Julia works harder."

---

“Alright, campers. Today’s challenge is a fan favorite, and the contestant's worst nightmare!” Chris grins, holding out his arms for emphasis. “Your next challenge is the one, the only- Phobia Factor!”

Scruffy breathes in the gum they’d been chewing and coughs for a few moments. “What?! But we didn’t even talk about our fears last night?" They look around at the other campers. "Unless I didn’t get invited!”

“Silly, silly campers. Don’t you remember the online “"personality test”” you had to fill out in your audition form?” he laughs. “We have all of your worst fears on file! Except…”

Chris points up and then dramatically lowers his finger in Max’s direction. “Max left his blank. Probably a smart move, considering what we’re about to do to you,”

Everyone on the Anon’s team looks at Max, who shrugs. “I’m not afraid of anything,”

“Nothing?” Michael asks. 

He shakes his head. “Nothing,”

“But, say, if there were a large bird of prey circling overhead right now…”

“Thank you, Scary,” he sighs. “But I’m not afraid of anything.”

“Don’t worry, Anons, we’ll get to Max eventually- but for our first victims: Scary, Caesar, Kelly, and Austin- you’ll be meeting Chef in makeup and hair,” he chuckles. “The rest of you, follow me!”

“Nervous?” Scruffy asks, looking at Michael and O beside them. 

O nods rapidly, biting his nails. Michael rolls her eyes. 

Caesar gives Bonnie a nervous look, to which they pat his back before he leaves. Austin and Kelly hold hands, and Scary slinks out undetected. The rest of the campers stand, following Chris to the mess hall. Michael, last of her team, is suddenly stopped by Chris, appearing out of nowhere. “Not so fast. You’ve been working real hard, haven’t you, Mikey?” 

“Don’t call me that,”

“Chef has been especially impressed, so he made you this!” Chris pulls a tall glass containing a pink smoothie from behind his back. 

Michael stares. “Is this a part of the challenge? I’ll pass,” 

“How about this then: you drink it or you immediately lose the point!”

She sighs, taking the glass from Chris and inspecting it for a few moments before taking a hesitant sip. Nothing happens- no crushed up maggots, no sewer water, no shards of glass. “Hey, this isn’t half-”

Chris grabs the glass just in time for Michael to pass out on the ground. He chuckles and steps over her unconscious body to join the other campers outside as a few interns hurry over. 

The rest of the contestants are standing outside the mess hall around a baby blue tent, waiting in vague confusion as Chris approaches. 

“Bonnie, if you will,” Chris smiles, opening the blue tent flap. The contestant walks in, and sees nothing but a simple dentist’s chair. Bonnie smirks, and takes a seat. “The dentist’s? Really? How cliche,”

“Oh, no. That isn’t for dental care,” Chris smiles as metal fixtures clamp around Bonnie’s wrists and ankles, cuffing them to the chair. “This is our virtual reality tent. And this,” he holds up a headset, goggles and all. “Is the Dramathon 2000, where you’ll be exposed to the most popular and bland Total Drama fan opinions.”

Bonnie’s face pales. “What? No! You can’t do this!”

Chris puts the set over their face and grins. “Don’t worry, every few minutes you’ll get jumpscared with something new. To keep it fresh, you know? But if you wanna chicken out- just press that red button on your arm rest and lose a point for your team. Your five hours start now!”

The rest of the campers watch nervously as an intern presses a button on a remote and some cheery music begins playing. It’s all quiet for a moment, before a robotic voice says “Leshawna was robbed”. Bonnie screams. 

Chris turns. “Alright- oh, and it looks like our made-over campers have returned!” The crowd turns and grimaces at the sight. Austin is dressed in a plain dark gray and white business suit, hair straightened and slicked back- Scary is in a tousled ombre blonde wig, high-rise jeans and a white crop top- Kelly’s tan has been removed and their hair dyed black- and Caesar looks practically gutted in a musty brown mullet wig. 

“Austin, Kelly, your regular-Joe cubicles await you just beyond the mess hall. You have a lot of paperwork to get to, dudes. Scary, you can go ahead and start Instagramming now,” Chris chuckles, tossing them a phone. “And Caesar… man, that hair is terrible!”

Caesar whimpers and sulks into the virtual reality tent, closing the flap behind him and sitting in the corner while Bonnie screams. 

“Alright then! Let’s see, who’s next…? Julia, care to test your wits?”

Julia smiles and shrugs. “Bring it on, McLean,”

“Loving the attitude! Now, on your personality test, you wrote “not slaying” in the fear category,” she smirks in response. “Well, we made a few calls back home, and your folks had a different story to tell! Chef?”

Chef walks over and hands Julia a wooden sword. She scoffs. “Ha-ha. Taking things a little literally, huh?”

“Not really,” he chuckles as Chef leads her around the corner to a large pen. “Your goal is to defend yourself from these lovely geese for as long as you can.”

Julia’s eyes widen and she looks around before trying to turn and run. Chef grabs her and tosses her in the corral, surrounded by a dozen full-grown geese. She whimpers and trembles, clutching the sword to her chest. Max rolls his eyes as Chris pulls out his megaphone. 

“You’ll notice that there’s an exit across the pen. Make it out, and you’ll score your team a point!”

Julia shakes her head violently. 

“Come on, Julia!” the team shouts. “You can do this!”

“IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF DUCKS!” Max yells, cupping his face. 

"Geese!" Julia corrects him.

She then frowns, takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, holding the sword out blindly in front of her as she stands and runs through the paddock. Not a single goose even looks at her as she screams the entire way through, slamming into the gate and collapsing before getting up and crawling out. 

“That’s one point for the Anons!” 

The team cheers as Julia is lifted up by Chef and taken to the medical tent. “Alright, who’s next… Ass, come up here, please!”

Ass sighs and steps forward. They don’t exactly look terrified, but they’re certainly not happy, either. A handsome gentleman in a finely pressed suit walks out of the mess hall and stands beside them. 

“Ass, this is your fiance, Kevin,”

Ass sulks and rolls their eyes. 

---

ASS: “For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the same recurring nightmare. In it, I’m an adult, and I’m engaged to this perfect dream guy- he’s everything I want in a partner: tall, funny, and sweet. But then this mystery femme fatale who I have drama with for whatever reason swoops in and kisses him to get back at me for… something. I’ve had this dream so many times, it really isn’t even scary anymore, it’s just absurd. I mean, how would that even happen in real life?”

---

Ass pretends to look nervous and takes a phony deep breath. Mal starts to approach to say something, but McLovin barrels through and stands beside them instead, offering support. Courtney gives a nod of approval as Ass gives McLovin an odd- then somewhat grateful glance. 

An attractive young woman in a pink wig comes out of the mess hall next with an angry glare. “I hate you!” she yells at Ass before swooping in and kissing Kevin. Ass watches apathetically. 

“And that’s one point for the Fujoshis!” Chris grins. “Let’s break for lunch, shall we?”

---

“So, who do we have left?” Max asks, once again refusing to touch his meal (today it’s brown goo). 

“Frollo just left, but O hasn’t gone yet,” Julia says weakly. There’s a large bandage around her torso. “Neither has Scruffy, Staci, or Michael.”

“Hm. Where is Michael?”

---

A bird of prey cries overhead as Michael sits up on a patch of grass, groaning. Her face is a sickly shade of green as she adjusts to her surroundings, and she notices a little gray box adorned with a red button at her feet, a sticky note attached to it. 

“Dear Michael. Feel free to chicken out with the callback button any time. Love, Chris,” she reads before she suddenly turns pale and runs over to a cliff edge to throw up. As she looks up, she notices she’s still on the Island- but with no one in sight. 

“Hello?”

No response. 

“Very funny, Chris, guys- where are you hiding?”

She peers in the mess hall, the cabins, even the confessional- no one. A look of panic begins to cross Michael’s face. “Oh, God. They left me here. I’m stuck on the island,”

---

A sudden, loud siren sounds over the intercom system and everyone jumps. A loud voice spoken over a megaphone follows:

“Reuban Fogell, you are under arrest. We have you surrounded!”

Courtney raises an eyebrow. “Who the hell is Reuban Fogell?”

Everyone in the mess hall turns to McLovin as he suddenly rises, standing on the bench with a look of cold determination on his face. 

“Resisting is pointless! Come out with your hands up!”

McLovin takes off his usual glasses and puts on a pair of prescription sunglasses before he slowly walks to the door of the mess hall, stepping outside with his hands held high in the air. The rest of the campers crowd around the window, watching as Chef (dressed as a prison warden) handcuffs him and drags him away as he nods. 

Chris steps into view, holding a megaphone. “Impressive. Didn’t even throw up or anything. That’s two points for the Fujoshis!”

---

MCLOVIN: “Yeah, I lied on my personality test. I’m not scared of pigs. Why? Cause I’m gangsta, suckas!” he flips his sunglasses back on and attempts to lean back before falling into the confessional toilet. 

---

“I cannot believe this,” Julia mutters. 

The Fujoshis looks at each other before cheering and high-fiving. Chris steps inside a moment later, holding a large black box which he drops on the floor with a thump. 

“Sha-Mod, care to join the winning members of your team?” 

The Fujoshis part like the Red Sea and reveal a slightly-trembling Sha-Mod, clutching onto his Lightning picture. The box is a paper shredder. 

---

SHA-MOD: “I’ll be Sha-Real with you all back home for a second. I’m not on the island for money, or to make friends, or to have a fun time. I’m here because I accidentally entered a contest at the White Oaks Mall in London, Ontario. I thought the prize was a lifetime of free soft pretzels. Turns out the prize was an audition-free entry to this show, which I never even Sha-Heard of until I realized I signed a contract for it! I watched one season, the toxic one.”

---

“Ready to show the world the real you, buddy?” Chris chuckles. Sha-Mod violently shakes his head. 

“It’s just a picture,” Ass says, rolling their eyes. 

"You can do it, Sha-Mod!" Courtney smiles encouragingly.

“Nuh-uh. This thing is not going sha-anywhere,”

“You sure about that?” Chris smiles. 

“Sha-sure- I mean, yes,”

Chris shrugs, and a few interns run in and hoist away the paper shredder. The Fujoshis groan. 

---

SHA-MOD: “I may have lost the point but I kept something more important: my Sha-Anonymity.”

---

Austin walks into the mess hall, wearing his regular uncoordinated clothes again, his hair wet. Chris chuckles. “Failed, I presume?”

Austin sulks. “I jumped in the lake, baby. I couldn’t do it- I couldn’t be a square,”

Max smacks his forehead and Julia sighs. 

“Well, anyway- Scruffy- Bonnie’s time is about up, which means you’re set for your turn in the Dramathon 2000! And Staci- or should I say Alex- you’re going to meet Chef in the kitchen for a fun little talk.” 

Scruffy swallows a lump in their throat and walks outside the mess hall as a nervous Staci heads in the opposite direction. 

“Mal, Courtney- I’ll see you two and the rest of your team in the cabin area,” Chris grins. “We have a special surprise for you.”

---

The sun beats down over the empty island as Michael digs through the kitchen pantry, finding it completely empty aside from an old can of tuna. She sighs and rubs her eyes, and then walks back outside the mess hall. 

She walks over to the cabins, which look as if a tornado had gone through them, and pulls a plank of wood off the stairs, carrying it over to the beach where a loosely constructed raft is half-way done. 

---

MICHAEL: “I didn’t come to this show to win. I don’t even want to win, honestly. I joined because I was hoping I’d get to meet more people who’d see me as something more than just “one of the guys”. This has to be some kind of divine punishment- I was unhappy with my current friends, so everyone left.”

----

Chef presses the red button on the Dramathon chair and releases Bonnie from their restraints, to which they immediately tear off the virtual reality machine and toss it across the tent, their eyes red and pupils extremely dilated. 

(three points for the Fujoshis)

“Chris wants everyone out by the cabins,” Chef says. Caesar stands from his corner and helps Bonnie out of the chair and outside the tent, shielding their eyes from the sun.

“Caesar- is that you?” they mutter, shaking slightly as their pupils dart around. 

“I’m here, doll. Can you see?”

“No- my eyes are fried,”

“Oh, thank God,” Caesar breathes a sigh of relief. “This haircut is terrible.” 

Scruffy watches the two in terror, and steps inside. Though they look terribly nervous, they take a seat without complaint anyway, allowing Chef to set up the Dramathon 2000. 

“Did… Chris say what this was going to be?” they ask in a quiet voice. 

“Just a history lecture,”

Scruffy sighs and relaxes a little. 

“An American history lecture,”

“Wh-what?” Scruffy asks. “No- you can’t make me! I can’t listen to the preamble again! NOOOOOO!”

“Yeah, whatever,” Chef shakes his head, muttering “Americans” to himself before throwing on a cardigan and a pair of reading glasses. “Sit tight, I gotta session to get to.”

---

Staci lies on a couch set up in the kitchen, jittery and nervous. Chef takes a seat in a plush chair across from them, clearing his throat as he pulls out a notepad and flips through it. 

They stare in terror as he slowly flips through the pages, adjusts and readjusts his glasses, and licks his lips. “So-”

“NOOOOOOOO!” Staci screams, jumping up and dashing out. 

---

MICHAEL: “Is it a problem that I need to be surrounded with people all the time?! Maybe! Maybe! But this is different! They left me here to die! I can’t die here! I can’t die on this [censored] island! Just when people were starting to like me!”

---

“O, my dude, your services are needed out here!” Chris shouts into his megaphone with a voice that clearly reads as him holding back laughter. 

O, shaking like a leaf, stands from the mess hall table. Julia, Max, Staci, and Austin give each other glances as he leaves, and then upon hearing a shrill, terrified shriek, stand from their seats and hurry outside. 

Chris is holding back tears as O rocks back and forth on the ground, eyes wide and terrified. The team looks around, but no one sees anything. “What’s the dealio, baby?”

“Ok, ok, you dudes gotta see this- watch,” Chris squeaks, tears running down his face. He pulls a thin paper mask out from behind his back and holds it up. It’s no monster, no ghost, no tattered, bloody decapitated head- it’s actually a blond with a cowboy hat. 

“Oh. My. God,” Max stifles a laugh. 

“Is that… Geoff?” Staci asks hesitantly. 

Austin looks between the two as they giggle. “What? Who?”

Chris holds the mask over his face and O screams in terror, earning another round of laughter from the group. 

“It’s not funny!” O insists, glaring at them before Chris puts the mask in front of his face again. O shrieks. 

---

O: “Yes, okay, I admit it! I only came onto this show for exposure therapy purposes because of my irrational “phobia” of- of… G-E-O-F-F.”

---

“Alright, alright,” Chris chuckles. “Anyone wanna take over? I have a boxing match to get to.”

Julia raises her hand, and Chris tosses her the mask. “Oh, and once Scary is done being normal in fifteen minutes, let her have a turn, too!”

---

A massive boxing ring has been set up between the two cabins, and a confused crowd of campers surrounds it. 

“Who’s afraid of a little scuff, baby?” Austin asks, looking around. Kelly stands beside him, reapplying fake tan after having completed her challenge while Scary chases around O in the Geoff mask behind them. (three points for the Anons)

“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” Caesar asks, attempting to mousse up his normal hair again, finished with his torture, too (four points for the Fujoshis). Bonnie blinks one eye, then the other, and then collapses on the ground. 

“This is dumb,” Ass sighs. “Let’s get this thing started already, McLean! I’m hungry!”

Chris steps out onto the ring, dressed in a tux and holding a microphone. “Welcome, campers, to a personal favorite of mine: fear-themed boxing! In one corner, we have the lovely, half-metal Courtney! And in the other, we have the possibly lovely, blog-obsessed Mal! Or should I say Lucy?” He chuckles. 

The campers murmur amongst themselves as Mal’s eyes widen. 

“Now, both of these campers had a lot to say when answering our personality test questions, so I’m sure they won’t mind sharing that with you while they settle their differences like men!” Chris shouts into the mic. “Chef, if you please?”

Chef steps out in a sparkling blue dress, holding two separate diaries. 

The crowd murmurs, deeply unsettled. A few interns walk in, pushing a wheelbarrow as the campers talk amongst themselves, and they dump Michael on the ground. Julia helps her up. 

“How’d it go?” 

“Not well. I was halfway between deciding whether I wanted to try to get off the island or kill myself when I remembered I could just quit,”

Max shrugs. “Well, glad you didn't kill yourself. We might actually have a shot at winning this thing,”

Michael looks at him, then to the ring as the match begins. Courtney and Mal glare at each other, throwing a few punches as Chef reads. 

“Dear Diary, today, Lucy-slash-Mal threw the dodgeball challenge by using our weakest players to her scummy advantage,” Chef reads in a cold, monotone voice. Caesar raises an eyebrow, and McLovin and Sha-Mod look at each other. “I have a feeling she’s trying to get us to lose so she can weaken the team and vote me out.”

Chef switches to the other diary. “Hey gurlz. I’m back from the dead again. Laughing GIF. Clapping GIF. Today I managed to convince the idiots on my team to vote out Patrick instead of me. I have pompadour and paper bag face on my side, and Noah 2 is totally wrapped around my finger. LOL! Smirking GIF.”

Max crosses his arms, rubbing his chin with a thoughtful expression and Julia gives the Fujoshis a perplexed look.

The Fujoshis, on the other hand, look outright furious. Sha-Mod, Ass, and Caesar all glance at each other. Mal throws another punch, narrowly missing Courtney. 

“FINE! I admit it! I’ve been playing the game just like everyone loves to see it played!” She yells, dodging Courtney’s glove. “So, I’m a new Heather! Sue me! You all need me, anyway! This show is nothing without me!”

Chris smiles, standing alongside Chef as the display unravels. 

“Who’s going to help you? THEM?” Mal shouts, hitting Courtney in the gut. They wheeze and fall over. “Courtney barely has a thousand followers on their shitty blog, let alone 10k! I have 22 thousand watchers on Deviantart! My fics make AO3!” she swings again. “Courtney is “nice” but at least!” she throws a punch once more. “I’m!” Courtney ducks and rolls. “POPULAR!”

Courtney body slams Mal, sending her to the ground with a dull thud. Chef counts down the seconds and then blows on his ref whistle, declaring her OUT!

The Fujoshis cheer, surrounding Courtney and hoisting her in the air. 

“Yeah, that’s great and all, but only Mal spoke her truth, so… you’re only getting one point for that,” Chris chuckles. The Fujoshis stare in silence, unanimously shrug, and then go back to cheering.

(five points for the Fujoshis)

Scruffy walks up, looking much less disturbed than Bonnie. “Hey, what’s going on?”

“Boxing match. How’d it go with you?” Staci asks. 

“Eh, I fell asleep,” Scruffy looks over their shoulder and watches O crawling on all fours to avoid Scary with a grimace. "I see we're not doing too well."

"That's five points for you Anons," Chris says, popping up out of nowhere.

Max counts on his fingers silently. “We’re tied,”

“Very observant!” Chris smiles. “Your tiebreaker lies on the only member of your team who hasn’t faced their fear yet.”

Max nods knowingly. “Frollo,” 

“Nah, he did just fine,”

---

Frollo leans against the glitter-covered bar in a gay club, lights flashing and streamers flying as he flips through his Bible. 

---

“I was talking about you, kid,” Chris smiles. “You may have left our application blank, but your college admission essay says a lot about you.”

Max turns white and freezes. 

“Wait, college essay?” Julia asks, turning to him with her hands on her hips. “How old are you?”

“Eighteen in August,” Chris answers, matter-of-factly. "Probably shouldn't have chosen child psychology as a topic for your essay, bud."

“God, I would’ve guessed, like, twelve or something,”

Max shakes his head, ignoring Julia’s quip as Chris grins wickedly. 

“Hey, man, it’s easy. Probably the least painful challenge today,” the host says. “We just need you to walk from this end of the cabins to the other holding Chef’s hand,” Chef approaches, wearing a dress and a brown wig. “...While he’s dressed as your mother.”

A brief silence falls over the Anons, followed by a round of barely-restrained laughter. Max turns red. “IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

---

Max stares into the confessional camera for a moment with an aggravated look. He keeps perfectly still for a few moments before pointing and shouting. 

MAX: “I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES WITH MY MOTHER!”

---

The Anons watch on in silence as Max inches forward, his feet scraping against the grass as he drags each shoe in front of the other. Chef grins and holds out a hand, to which Max stares at for a few moments. 

Julia smirks, crossing her arms over her chest. Michael looks between the two with a nervous expression on her face. 

---

MICHAEL: “It's not that I wanted to help him, I just remember feeling really bad. I guess I’d just been abandoned on a replica of the island for hours and I was pretty emotionally raw, but… I know what it’s like to feel alone like that.”

---

“Wait!” Michael says, stepping out in front of a very disgruntled Julia. “I’ll go too!”

“You know it’s only one point per challenge, right?” Chris asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“I know,” she circles around to Chef’s free hand and takes it, attempting to give Max a reassuring smile.

He sighs in defeat and holds the other hand. “For the record, I’m not doing this because you’re helping me. I don't need help. This is for the game,”

“What makes you think I’m doing it for you?”

Max shrugs and Chef rolls his eyes before starting off, practically dragging the two behind him as he speed-walks over to the other side of the cabins. 

---

CHEF: “What? I had a long day!”

---

As soon as they reach the other side, Max wheezes and collapses on the ground. 

(six points)

“And that’s your winning point, Anons! Safe for another day,” Chris grins, tossing away the microphone and tearing off his suit to reveal his usual clothes underneath. He walks over to where Max is huddled on the ground. “You might wanna take some alone time to wash that shame off, bud.”

---

JULIA: "Well, that went poorly. But in my defense, those geese really threw me off!"

---

“Fujoshis- you lived, you laughed, you loved, and you even lost! But only one of you is going home tonight. 

McLovin- Bonnie- Caesar- and Ass- you’re all safe. Courtney- you saved your dignity, but you failed to own up to your truth and cost your team a point. Mal- you scored, but you also showed your true colors and turned everyone against you- and Sha-Mod- you just plain failed, dude,” Chris chuckles. The three give each other nervous glances (even the Lightning picture quivers a bit in the breeze) as Chris continues. 

“Courtney… you’re safe,”

Courtney breathes a sigh of relief and catches her marshmallow. 

“And, finally…

The remaining marshmallow…

Goes to…

Our remaining camper…”

“JUST GET ON WITH IT!” Ass snaps. 

“Yeesh, dude. Just trying to create some suspense. Sha-Mod! You’re safe,”

Mal stands, clenching her fists and gritting her teeth. She marches over to Ass, shoving McLovin out of the way when he tries to stand between the two, and lunges. Chef grabs her just in time and hoists her over his shoulder. 

“YOU THINK THIS IS IT?! THIS ISN’T IT! THIS ISN’T OVER! I’M GONNA…” her voice fades as they go further and further down the docks. The Fujoshis stare at each other. 

“Did anyone get that?” Courtney asks. McLovin and Ass shrug. 

“Who will scream indistinctly next time? And who will stay to play another day? Find out next time, on Total! Takes! Island!”

---

ASS: "I guess I should've seen it coming. You know me- can't have one normal friend without something ridiculous happening. I still have some hope that I'll find someone on the island who isn't a total psychopath. But, hey... maybe I already have.

---

[hershelchocolate]

Gregory was the one to crash the elevator, not the Mimic

Hi I'm making a theory post because me and my bestie are so fucking deep in thinking about Ruin and how it completely changes the game of Era 2 fnaf so bear with me! This one has a long road to get there, but it'll be worth it I promise.

First off, just to establish some ground rules, I am following what Scott himself said about the books when they first came out and refusing to see book-only events as canon. Nothing about the Mimic we see in Ruin can be tied to the version from the books, so I'm not going to be using ANY book material as evidence unless it's also been shown in the games. The books have always taken plot points and twisted them to make something new, the Mimic is no different.

I also think Gregory deserves to be a little shit sometimes but that actually didn't cause this theory, it was a whole thing and I am forcing you all to follow along with me

(All images I use to explain things (as well as some of the points I make) were sent to me by @arcaneyouth thanks for taking the time to go through the game bestie!)

Okay. Hopefully this makes sense.

1. The Mimic that we know goes as far back as Help Wanted

I know I said this was going to be a long rant, so yes we are indeed going this far back so I can establish some things I find vital. After Ultimate Custom Night, Help Wanted was a HUGE shift in the franchise, to the point where everything after UCN is basically its own timeline. Fazbear Entertainment exists, and they did commit crimes, but Scott exists in-universe and there's no evidence Afton is anything more than a fictional villain FE can point fingers to.

Enter: the Mimic

It's been here the entire time, taking the form of Glitchtrap and learning through the code put into the game. All of its distorted voice lines are taken right from Tape Girl's files, and it seems to be emulating the thing that made people so fascinated with fnaf: the murders and who did them. So, it picks the form of a yellow bunny, but it's distorted. Spring Bonnie has never properly existed, so it chooses its own shape, which is easier as Help Wanted is entirely digital (similar to the AR world in Ruin).

Now, the most important part of this is hard mode night terrors: Pizza Party.

Now, it's implied in Help Wanted that you are simply testing this game. You are the next beta tester from the company that got sent the game after Tape Girl's got shut down. The game is unfinished, and still contains her tapes as well as things that wouldn't usually be there during a finished game (I can see why they kept the unfinished Showtime button in there because of this, and why there are some random events that can happen).

So because of this, it's very possible that Pizza Party...doesn't exist.

They didn't have a finished ending to the game yet, but the Mimic had been watching you play, and wanted to keep going. Maybe it was studying you, maybe it was studying the game, but it needs the game to be on to study either. So, to give you a fun final challenge, it creates Pizza Party.

It doesn't make sense. Corridors connect to each other in strange ways, bits and pieces of every single minigame are strewn about randomly, with characters only doing the simplest of actions (Chica going for a pizza, Marionette sitting in its box, Springtrap standing in a doorway, etc.) All of this leads to that finale we all know and love; taking Freddy's place on stage.

And here is where the first thing relevant to Ruin comes into play.

One thing from this ending dialogue doesn't match up. It's in that third image.

The narrator refers to himself in the first person.

Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but he has NEVER done that in this game before. It's always "we" or "Fazbear Entertainment". Never "I", or in this case "my". It even replicates the exact phrasing and structure of the sentence before it, it's the same sentence. This is the Mimic.

And here's the proof;

2. It literally does the exact same thing in Ruin (aka: how it affected the VANNI system)

Now, those of you who have played Ruin may have noticed that, in certain dialogues, Helpi looks...different.

Points where Helpi is yellow seem to indicate times when the Mimic is manipulating what it says (anything that tells Cassie how to shut down the security, anything that gets her deeper into the Pizzaplex. Helpi only goes back to blue to clarify what it said to keep her safe while doing it).

But there's one other thing that's different

Just look at all of those instances of first person language.

And, in case you're wondering, Helpi NEVER does this

Helpi talks in a very corporate way, always only referring to Cassie herself. Helpi isn't a character, it's a tutorial program.

This implies one really huge thing: The Mimic has access to the VANNI network and what it can do. It's using this to push Cassie further into the Pizzaplex, but there's also one thing in particular it's connected to.

3. The Mimic learned how to splice together sentences after connecting to the VANNI network

As stated before, the Glitchtrap in Help Wanted is heavily implied to be the Mimic (there is SO much more evidence I didn't touch on) but the most important part was what I stated before: It was using dialogue from other people to make its own sentences. But not in the same way it does in Ruin.

In Help Wanted, ALL of the dialogue implied to be from the Mimic is direct sentences it has taken in their entirety. It's not making something new, it's just repeating back what it's heard. That's clearly not the case in Ruin, it's talking all the time! It's able to instruct Cassie on what to do!

But, all of the things it says are bits and pieces from Gregory's dialogue in Security Breach. ALL of it. It just learned, through Helpi and the VANNI system, how to start piecing together its own sentences that still make sense. In fact, you can hear it very clearly right when you get towards Roxy Raceway, and Gregory announces he "finally has a clear signal", one that lets you hear exactly where all those cuts in the dialogue are happening.

Almost immediately after you deactivate Roxy, you get this popup

After this happens, there are only a few things the Mimic says to you.

All of these are direct 1 to 1 quotes that Gregory himself has said in Security Breach. (The exception being Cassie's name, but the Mimic would have had to heard him say it at some point in the first place to have been using it all this time)

As soon as the VANNI network became disconnected, the Mimic no longer had access to what it was using to splice together audio.

The fact that "you saved me!" is said differently twice is even proven by Help Wanted where, even though the line it copies in that ending dialogue is just said again, it's delivered differently.

Which leads to the ENTIRE point of this post: the Mimic did NOT interrupt Gregory in the elevator.

It has been proven even without all of this in-game that the Mimic isn't quite that good at fully replicating things yet. You can hear the splices as soon as you get close enough to it, it even points out that it finally has a clear signal, which was the reason Cassie never noticed before. Not to mention that Gregory never said anything like his speech before. None of that dialogue was in Security Breach.

None of the elevator speech was the Mimic. That was all Gregory.

[darkangel0410]

this might be the best asks of all time bc our DMs are nothing but hater-nation and we are ultimately the correct ones. SOOOOO; 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 12, 16, 18, 19, 24 - i had to ask so many bc your opinions are my FAV lmaooooo but feel free to *not* answer any you dont want!

We ARE always the correct ones - eventually people will realize it 🙄

the character everyone gets wrong

Listen, I have a list of players I'm going to take away from fandom because of crimes of mischaracterization and the list includes, but is not limited to: Matthew (Tkachuk), Jack (Eichel), Trevor, Jamie. Sometimes I swear people haven't ever spoken to a real live boy when they write the convos these guys have in fic

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

I'll be strong and not turn this into an opportunity for my bottom!Jamie agenda, and instead say: Jack Eichel isn't a top - he wants to be fucked often and well, and would also like a few smacks on the ass before and after, thanks. He won't hesitate to tell whoever's fucking him what they're doing wrong, either.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

THERE ARE SO MANY WRONG TAKES ON HERE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???? but easily the worst take I see on any given day is every single take about Matt (Tkachuk) and how his dad hates him and how he needs a fake gf because his dad's is ASHAMED of him or whatever the fuck people have decided is the new hot trauma to put him through - they've turned Matt into the fandom crier and I hate it with every fiber of my being

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

for me, personally, it's any x reader/ yn or whatever writer who doesn't put their shit behind a read more (Also Nolan Moyle is not a dom, like come the fuck on people)

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Crosby, full stop. I cannot stand the way fandom is with him and I can't even watch him play hockey and enjoy it any more

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

The Knights. Just. The whole roster lmaooo

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Rule 63, full stop. I don't get why people write it, why they never put in any actual character work into it when they do, and it gives me homophobic vibes (like in general, as a trope, not a specific fic). Like you change everything about someone, and the way the world sees them, the way it interacts with them, and I'm supposed to believe that every single thing happens exactly the same???? Pull the other leg, it has bells on

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Alex Turcotte, My Beloved - truly he's so pretty and sweet and plays good hockey and is just someone fandom needs to pay more attention to

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I don't do shame, but I do find it kind of funny how much I love a/b/o now because I used to absolutely hate it when it first showed up lmaooo

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Censorship, 1000% because besides being gross on it's own, it's always dragging purity wank in with it and I've seen so much of that shit, I hate it

*

Thanks for asking bestie!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ (choose violence ask game)

[tobiasdrake]

Whee, it's time to begin the fourth chapter of Rain Code: Chapter Two.

Oh good. This chapter's going to involve high school students and theater. I was a theater kid in high school so this certainly won't be extremely affecting.

Do I get to pick who I hang out with? Because I pick Fubuki.

Then, next chapter, I can hang out with... Mmm... Fubuki. And after that, if there's time, Fubuki.

Yeah, they filed a formal complaint after all of the stuff I said about them during our last investigation together. They had no problem being suspected of the crime; Philosophically, they're a firm believer in nobody being above suspicion. But I also called them a corporate shill and said a lot of other mean things that were completely unprofessional, creating a hostile work environment.

Chief doesn't have any money to pay out compensation, though. Instead, Halara gets to be the boss for the day.

The real explanation for why Halara's over there is that they walked in, saw Yakou's chair and desk unoccupied, and immediately called dibs. They're like a housecat when it comes to important seats of privilege.

No, for real, there has to be some incredible secret talent that simply hasn't come up. I can fully believe that she's... like this. I'm pretty sure at this point that she has some kind of cognitive disability or short-term memory loss. Neurodivergent at least.

But there has to be more to her than just this running joke. She's a Master Detective who survived Amaterasu's murder-wall. You gotta give me something, game.

We're definitely partnering with Desuhiko this chapter. That's unfortunate. Crime-solving with my bestie will have to wait.

Which means, based on the precedent set with Halara, we're going to team up with Desuhiko not just for the investigation but also the Mystery Labyrinth - Ultimately earning his respect, but then he won't remember what happened in the labyrinth so he can continue being shitty in the real world.

Great. I look forward to spending hours attached at the hip to Blue/Gary Oak.

I'm amazing, but you heard what Halara said about the fridge being empty. We're out of milk, butter, battery acid, sausage... a lot of staples for meal prep simply aren't available. I wouldn't know where to begin.

Oh, I guess we are hanging out with Fubuki. Desuhiko's about to quit and go become a professional street musician instead. I wish him the best of luck in his fulfilling new career.

You go follow your dreams, bruh! I will be rooting and believing in you. From in here. Where it's dry and warm.

Oh. Oh no! The 14-year-old Shonen Rival wants to impress us with his sick guitar skills! Someone, anyone get us out of--

YAKOU! MY MAN! GLORIOUS LEADER OF OUR PROUD INSTITUTION! Have a seat. Let's hold a team meeting! I am very invested in whatever you have to say, just as always!

Halara get out of his chair

Can I get you a hot cup of coffee? No, shit, I just said there's no milk or battery acid. Uh. Lukewarm cup of skywater? I'm trying, man, but we're wiped out.

[triviareads]

Do you have favorite tropes that are hr specific?

ooh good question.

Purposeful ruination: It gets the plot moving and I do like this variation on the enemies-to-lovers trope.

Books with this trope: Marquess of Mayhem by Scarlett Scott (he purposely compromises her with the aim of fucking with her war criminal half brother EL CORAZON OSCURO who does get a book of his own), Beyond Scandal and Desire by Lorraine Heath (compromises her to get to his half-brother who is engaged to her), The Chief by Monica McCarty (she gets herself compromised on purpose), Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas (heroine and her friends scheme to engineer a compromise)

Lower-class hero (or a hero of lower-class origins) who hates himself because he thinks he isn't "worthy" of the heroine or whatever and will SULLY her with his FILTHY PAWS

Heroes/books with this trope: Nicholas in Her Husband's Harlot by Grace Callaway, Rhys Winterborne in Marrying Winterborne by Lisa Kleypas, McKenna in Again the Magic by Lisa Kleypas, Dom Kilburn in A Rogue's Rules for Seduction by Eva Leigh

The Repressed Aristocrat: A gentleman in the streets, a freak in the sheets— to clarify, he's either actually repressed, or acts like he is in public.

Heroes/books with this trope: Granby from The Design of Dukes by Kathleen Ayers, Stone from Always Be My Duchess by Amalie Howard, Lockwood from The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe, Harrison from The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden, Westcliff from It Happened One Autumn (how repressed he actually is is debatable but I'm basing this off his "once a week is enough" thing), Carlisle from The Viscount Always Knocks Twice by Grace Callaway

A Knowing Virgin: If she has to be a virgin, then let her be a knowing one. It could be because he had An Education of sorts, or maybe she just has a "natural sensuality" that's inevitably commented upon by the hero. Ultimately, if she breaks the hero simply by performing a middling handjob, she's a winner.

Heroines/Books with this trope: Jess from Lord of Scoundrels by Loretta Chase, Rosalind from A Recipe for a Rogue by Kathleen Ayers (her late rake dad left behind a bunch of dirty books), basically every Grace Callaway heroine who inevitably performs her first blowjob like a champ

Kidnapping: I don't care who does it but if an author writes it well enough I'll love them.

Books with this trope: Outrageous by Minerva Spencer (the heroine kidnaps the hero to make him stop harassing/kidnapping her brother and his wife), The Last Crimes of Peregrine Hinds (m/m, he's soooo down to be kidnapped), Lord Holt Takes a Bride by Vivienne Lorret (her besties kidnap him), The Lady Who Came in from the Cold by Grace Callaway (listen, she needs to set her husband straight somehow), and of course, It Happened One Autumn by Lisa Kleypas.

An immediate, aggressive proposition: When you know, you know, plus again, it moves the romance along

Books with this trope: Surrender to the Devil by Lorraine Heath, I'm pretty? sure The Theory of Earls by Kathleen Ayers has this

Workplace relationships: This might be the one where my feelings differ the most in that my bar is a lot lower in HR than contemporaries (or alternatively, if it's well written, I'll read anything). But idk I'm more fine with powerful men "taking advantage" of The Help in historical than in contemporaries. This is what happens when The Sound of Music imprinted on you early, I think.

Books with this trope: Duke of Depravity by Scarlett Scott, The Duchess Hunt by Lorraine Heath, The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt, A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by K-J Charles, Married by Morning by Lisa Kleypas, Millionaire Marquess by Scarlett Scott

Age gap romances: I just really like these and it goes both ways (I'm forever looking for well-done older women romances)

Books with this trope: The Chasing of Eleanor Vane by Sierra Simone (he's her betrothed's uncle), Wicked Again by Kathleen Ayers (she's 49, he's 40), My Dirty Duke by Joanna Shupe (he's her dad's best friend), What I Did For a Duke by Julie Anne Long (hero is around 20 years older than the heroine), A Recipe for a Rogue by Kathleen Ayers (he's like twice? her age?)

Childhood sweethearts: I just really like the idea of people finding love young but Things keep them apart (maybe it's the Persuasion lover in me). I distinguish it from one party having a childhood crush on the other because that's unrequited and this... very much isn't.

Books with this trope: Again the Magic by Lisa Kleypas, The Legend of Lyon Redmond by Julie Anne Long, Bed Me, Baron by Felicity Niven (okay so they weren't "together" but they had feelings for each other at different points during their youth)

More niche tropes:

That thing where they're having hate/farewell sex but they know she's gonna end up pregnant anyway (ex: Bed Me, Baron by Felicity Niven)

A deranged blond man (ex: Valentine from Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt, Godric from Outrageous by Minerva Spencer, Nikolas from Prince of Dreams by Lisa Kleypas)

Heroines with objectively dumb schemes and plenty of hubris (ex: Constance in The Earl I Ruined by Scarlett Peckham Lillian Bowman in Secrets of a Summer Night and It Happened One Autumn, Margo and Matilda Halifax in Alexandra Vasti's Halifax Hellion series, Emma Kent in The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway)

Taking about their first sexual experiences..... while having sex (ex: The Rogue Not Taken and Bombshell by Sarah MacLean)

Characters getting turned on via music/instrumental playing (ex: both The Theory of Earls by Kathleen Ayers and M Is For Marquess by Grace Callaway have heroes who deffo get hard watching their heroines play the piano, and there is piano sex stuff, and Always Be My Duchess has a cello-playing duke who also plays her like a cello)

Sad old people (possibly reuniting)

That thing where there's a hot older person living their best life in the background and I frantically look them up on the interwebs to see if they have a book and am usually disappointed that they don't :(