#you can make a lot of money in this society if you wanna risk it

[mewvore]

as someone who worked as a stripper for several years, showing your body is not a one way ticket to financial security. there were many nights where i worked for 8 hours and ended up owing the club money, due to how things like set rent work. and many more where i made $60-80 for a full night’s work. not that you can’t have great nights some times, or make half your rent in a hour, but many people who work in sex related industries are doing so freelance, and may never know if their next month is going to be able to support them through the year or if they’re getting their power shut off. you can be trapped in a cycle of saving what you can for months, only to have it evaporated by an unexpected expense during a bad month.

yeah absolutely, its... well its work. I don't mean to sorta condense it down to that but of all people I'm WELL aware that sex work is a working class activity.

for anyone a bit lost on the convo thread at the moment, I made a post about how I'd personally never get rich because it requires a persistent gambling mentality, and someone mentioned sex work (or adjacent types of showing off ones body publicly) as one thats probably less of a gamble for wealth. and this anon here is explaining that its very much just a normal job you probably shouldn't bet everything on it for making you rich/very few people are rich solely from sex work

to circle back to what I meant overall, when you grow up in poverty a lot of things have to be calculated based on risk and loss, as opposed to risk and reward. that mentality is very hard to shake the longer you stay poor. when you've eaten syrup sandwiches and worn your siblings clothes for 10 years, even very little things can make you completely satisfied and less willing to risk that little bit of satisfaction because you know what its like to have literally nothing. so I personally can't see myself doing the kinds of risky behavior with the little bit I have that a lot of wealthy people do to gain and maintain their riches, whether its making shady deals, playing stocks, trying to fool people, committing felonies like wire fraud, or even just like actual straight up gambling.

also theres a survivorship bias? like yeah there seems to be a million celebrities and or influencers doing all the above betting, but even in their seemingly endless masses they're like 1/100000, you rarely hear of the gamblers who lost

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

What's your opinion on malewife/house husband Adrien posts? I asked this to another blog, and like I said to them, I find them a guilty pleasure: The concept is cute, but I know that would be the last thing Adrien would ever wanna be after all his dad put him through.

I don't think that it would be the last thing that Adrien would ever want. I actually think it suits his character in a lot of ways, you just have to handle the topic with care.

First let's talk about why it suits him.

Miraculous has totally failed to give Adrien any sort of career-based passion and - if we ignore the senti complication - I honestly love that for him! I want more characters with no major life ambitions to balance out the Marinettes of the world!

I think that society places way too much pressure and value on finding the perfect career that fulfills us in every way while also allowing us to put food on the table. Most people will never find that and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you've failed or that you're lesser. For most people, the goal is to find a career that pays the bills and that you enjoy enough that you don't hate doing it 40hrs/week. Along similar lines, for most people, your passion will be something that doesn't make money. It will be something like a hobby or spending time with those you love or analyzing badly written French TV shows.

This brings us back to Adrien.

Adrien seems to get a great deal of joy from being around his loved ones and making them happy, so I can absolutely picture him finding a lot of joy in running a home. This is extra true because Marinette is pretty clearly career driven and she's planning to go into a creative field, so she'll probably have a pretty crazy schedule and struggle to stay on top of it all. Having a loving husband to take things like cooking and cleaning off of her plate would be a blessing and a gift that she'd greatly appreciate, but that would feel unbalanced if Adrien was working, too. (Yes, they could hire staff, but that risks the secret identity thing, so I don't see them doing that.)

If they both have power careers, then they'd barely see each other and I hate that for them. I think that it would make Adrien incredibly sad and depressed. Plus, while Marinette thrives off of competition and staying busy, only needing occasional breaks before diving right back in, Adrien seems to hate busy schedules and heavy work loads.

Given all of that, I think that there's a lot to be said for Adrien stepping away from the working world. Especially since he's been in it for years and being a child celebrity is no joke! I think it would be nice for him to escape from strict schedules and expectations. Dinner fails? Order takeout!

While we're on the topic of food, I really like the idea of Adrien falling in love with cooking. Dude needs a creative outlet and that's honestly a great one (I hate it when people write characters as unable to figure out cooking like it's some cute quirk. While an initial struggle is believable, it's not a mystical art that takes years of practice. Between YouTube, the wider Internet, and maybe some classes if he wants to get fancy, I think that he'll be fine.) There's so much variety with what you can do in the kitchen and the end result gets to be shared and appreciated by those you love. It just seems like a perfect fit for him, but I would never make him a professional chef because the hours are insane and the pressure to be perfect is high. I only see him loving it as a hobby where he can go at his own pace, take days off, and make lazy meals when he's not feeling like being a show off.

The big concerns that come with making him a homemaker are a lack of financial independence and a lack of socialization. I don't see the first thing as an issue for Adrien since he comes from a wealthy family, so that one doesn't phase me.

The isolation could very easily be an issue, but it could just as easily be a problem if he started working, too. It's not as if a job is a sure way to have friends or even just consistent positive social interactions, which is another reason why I don't really see a need to give him a traditional job. You can get a vibrant social life in lots of other ways.

Here are the two big things that I keep in mind when writing an Adrien-as-a-homemaker or similar setup as it is where I tend to have Adrien land for all of the above reasons:

Adrien needs to be active in some organization or project. Volunteer work is a good fit as is being an active stay-at-home parent or some combination of the two. Voice acting is also on my radar, but my default is to have him act as the head of team miraculous' out-of-battle activities. Scheduling meet and greets. Going to see sick kids. Jetting around the world for humanitarian aid missions. Basically let Chat Noir be his "career" which gives him a lot of much needed flexibility for making his own schedule, especially if he's a stay-at-home parent to any eventual kids. I also like the poetic nature of Adrien finally being proud to be the face of a "brand" via his hero side while his civilian side becomes just some guy that people kind of remember from old ads.

Consider having a non-traditional living arrangement. I am a big fan of hero teams living together, so my default is to take the Agreste mansion and remodel it into a secret HQ for the team. Adrien and Marinette would have their own apartment/wing/whatever, but they'd still be surrounded by their found family on a near-daily basis, so that social isolation is the last thing on Adrien's mind. There's almost always someone to hang out with! You could also just have Alya and Nino or other friends live in the same apartment building so that they're over a lot/Adrien has a place to hang when Marinette is working late because you know that she'd do that.

Basically, Adrien's rich, so he doesn't need to make money and he doesn't seem to have any interest in a normal job, so I really like letting him having a unique life where he doesn't have a traditional job. He is a superhero, after all. Unique career paths are pretty par for the course. You just have to be careful to make sure that all of this feels like his fully informed and carefully considered choice and not like you forced it on him to make Marinette's life perfect (I only brought her up earlier because this is a story and it makes sense to design characters around each other). I usually do this by sending Adrien to therapy in his late teens or by giving him some other parth of self discovery.

Do note that all of the above is inspired by my read of Adrien which may be totally different from your read of him and that's fine! I just can't picture him as someone who thrives in a traditional career path based on knowing people who strike me as similar to him and from whom I draw my understanding of how to write that part of Adrien's character. I think that he'd be perfectly able to have a traditional career path, but I also think that he'd be pretty miserable for a lot of reasons.

I'll also note that I'm not sure what posts spawned this ask, so there may be elements of those that I'd have criticisms of. This post was about the general concept of Adrien being a homemaker. I tend to avoid the broader fandom for my own sanity and the use of the term "malewife" has me concerned that I'm implying support of something I wouldn't actually support because that's a new one for me and it sounds incredibly sexist.

I'm not a fan of implying that the default definition of "wife" is "submissive homemaker" so a man taking on a homemaking role is clearly submissive and acting like a woman does while his aggressive, domineering wife is acting like a man, which is the definition of this word that I'm finding online and yikes! Wife and husband are legal/social status in my book. They are not clearly defined jobs/roles/personality types, so I'm not a fan of using gendered terms to refer to stuff like this especially since I do actively try to use gender neutral words in my own writing whenever I can, though I'm certainly far from perfect on that front.

I also don't see homemaking as a submissive act. It certainly can be, but that's not how I picture Adrien at all! I picture him as relaxed and plesent, but 100% in charge of the home and all choices about how it's run. I also see him being in charge of their finances like homemakers often were in the "old days" since they were the ones in charge of things like scheduling cleaners, buying food, and other things that needed strong budgeting skills while the person who worked wasn't actually spending money or managing the home since they were at work. I like to think that Nathalie would prep Adrien to be a wealthy man and so he'd have strong skills in finance management.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hi!! Love the fic that you wrote of reader visiting Chris in prison. Could you write an angsty follow-up of reader finally breaking up with him after he gets out of prison with her being fed up with his unablity to change his negative thoughts and actions.

Ouchhh! Quite angsty, indeed!

HEY EVERYONE! Sorry for my long due absence. I’m currently in the middle of exam season, so that’s been taking up majority of my time, but I can say with certainty that afterwards (in four weeks), I’ll be free to post as frequently as I did before and complete all the requests I received! Thank you all for being so patient, and I hope you enjoy part 2 of this one shot!

Content warning, this one shot involves dysfunctional relationships, so please read at own risk.

CHRIS MCLEAN IN JAIL PART 2- ANGST

“(Y/NNNNN)!” your sweet separated husband exclaims, fixing his arms around you on his return home,“It’s so great to be back again!”

“H-Hi Chris...” you cough, squeezing him back,“How do you feel?”

“Better!” he chirped, patting your spine,“You know, I actually feel like a changed person!”

“Really?” Yeah right.

He nods, pulling away, that grin of his never ageing,“Yep! I realllyyy feel like a functioning member of society, ready to amend and give back!”

Yeah right.

You never thought you would be in the back kitchen with Chef about this.

Two years after his first release.

That’s right.

With heavy bags and sore limbs, you desperately explain,“I’ve tried to convince him to see a therapist or go to marriage counselling sessions with me, but he doesn’t listen!” you wince down to the ground. That word “marriage” felt more like “Hell” to you,“I feel like he’s getting worse and worse...”

“What can you do, (Y/N)? By law, he’s a grown man. No one, not even his mom can tell him what to do.” Chef Hatchet grunted, slicing some potatoes, as though he was not surprised,“Have you considered divorce?”

Divorce!,“That’s ridiculous, Chef. You know you can’t just file a divorce whenever you want. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I still see the man I love.”

“And it’s that he’s takin’ advantage of.” That knife went blunter this time around,“He thinks it’s okay to go about like a criminal, because he has the money and popularity to get out of it, but if you walk out on him, he’ll eventually realise what he’s lost. I’m dead serious. You keep sticking by him like this, he’ll never change.”

“Hm...” that was an interesting way of thinking, you’ll admit. Maybe it was time to start looking into divorce? But... “What if that approach just turns out for the worst? You know how he is. He’ll turn the tables and play victim, putting the blame on me for not being strong enough to support him and for breaking my promise for making my love conditional-“

Chef looks at you like the pieces were threatening to cut your fingers off,“Do you even hear yourself as you speak about him?”

You stop. 

Dang it, he had a point,“But divorce... It still feels a bit too drastic. Besides, I want to give him a chance.” you offer a strong smile.

He paused entirely in his vegetable slicing this time,“A chance?”

Oh... Yes, you’ve given him plenty of chances already. You force the smile to stay on, as convincing as you tried,“W-We’ll just see how it goes. Besides, I still really wanna make this work.”

Your husband’s so-called best friend shakes his head, leaving you with a pitiful glimmer in his eye,“You’re a good woman, (Y/N). You don’t deserve this.”

Well, you wish you listened to him sooner.

And at some point, you couldn’t take it anymore.

So one day, when you got your suitcase ready and your temporary accommodation sorted in secret, you mustered the courage to break it off.

Your heart was leaping. From what? Anxiety? Excitement? Both? You’ll never know.

It took a lot to get this far. You were going to see it through the end.

No matter how messy it will be.

Obviously when you gently touched on Chris’ behaviour as the reason why you were filing for divorce, he tried denying it,“What are you talking about? I’m a changed man! Prison’s changed me for the better!”

Oh please,“Unless it’s Opposite Day, you should not be using that word.”

You weren’t afraid and that’s what startled him,"N-Now who gave you the right to declare the end of this relationship?! Only I get to choose whether to throw you out on the street or keep you around!” he then strangely turned his head to lean the smooth skin on his cheekbone in your face,“Now give me a kiss."

You almost puke in your mouth,“I’m serious, Chris. I want nothing to do with you anymore.”

“Serious? What do you know about serious? You don’t understand anything!” he barked, slamming his fist on the table.

Your eyelids remained just halfway down,“I understand plenty.”

“No, you don’t! You don’t understand that this is a really dumb decision! We’ve had so many great memories (Y/N), you and I!” his defensive tone morphs into a tone of love,“I love you so much, more than Total Drama ratings! And you give meaning to my life, more than any show I’ve ever hosted!”

There it is. He says all these words then treats you like a broken clock. You made sure he witnessed your sight tap on the papers you laid out for him.

“You’re totally being dramatic! In the worst way possible! I literally give you the life, not even middle class peasants can dream of, and this is what you do to me!?” he was raising his voice. The sign of desperation,“How do you think I feel? Have some respect!”

Respect, huh? You scoffed, rolling the pen further to him,“Oh I’ve tried to be respectful, Chris. In fact, I would much rather live as a “middle class peasant” than live with you any longer.”

He gasps, before snarling,“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.” Chris was too arrogant to get physical with you, and you knew that. The worst he was gonna do is throw petty insults at you.

But he took a scarier approach. He wasn’t fuming or swearing or raving; a smile drew on his lips instead as he sprinkled sugar laced words in your direction.

“Awww. Don’t let your anger speak for you, darling. You know sooner or later, you’re gonna regret ending us like this. And I won’t let that happen. I won’t let you regret losing me. Losing us,” now he has your waist in his arm,“Come on sweetheart, talk to me. I know you just need someone to listen.”

Listen. Is that a fucking joke?

Adoration emitted from his eyes into yours,“We can talk about this. We can talk and exchange forgiveness like we always do. Because we love each other. We’ll come around to see eye to eye and I’ll forgive you for being so annoying.” His other hand begins to comb your hair,“We can forget this ever happened and I’ll even treat you to an awesome date night. I know you really love those, and I would be more than happy to give it to you, as your beloved husband.”

...The thought was tempting.

TAKE YOUR FILTHY HAND OFF ME.

But that was a lot more motivating.

“Nice try. Your empty promises won’t work on me this time.” you push him away. That’s it. You’re strong, you’re strong, you’re strong!,“I don’t need your money. Or your time. I can do fine on my own.”

He stopped running his hand in your hair. Oh, the pride you felt when you watched his bottom lip quiver! You could watch the scene over and over again.

Your instinct to smirk is quickly cowered when Chris shoves you away, thankfully not so forceful to make you lose balance completely as he huffed, that charming persona displaced by his true ugly.

“You want your stupid divorce? Fine!” He angrily scratches the papers with his signature,“There’s your stupid divorce! Now get out of my sight before I change my mind! Only a stupid whore like you would go through with making the awesomest celebrity in the world give up on you! You better not come crawling back after selling your body around for six dollars!”

Wow! Who knew he would resort to sexualising you in such a derogatory way to try get a reaction from you? “No... That’s not true! You know I would never do that! I’m more than just my body!”

“I’ll take the six dollars over you any day.” Hah! Who cares what he had to say? He’s not your husband anymore!

He gritted his teeth as he witnessed you leave his mansion one last time,“You’re ruined, you hear me!? I’ll make sure you lose your job and never find one again!” That’s not true. That’s not true,“I’ll see to it that you live on animal carcasses disposed by yours truly for the rest of your moping days, in conditions more suffocating than maximum prison!”

Such is the behaviour of a scumbag who lost control.

That was the right thing.

Thank Heavens you had your loyal friends and your own ethical job. If any of these things were different, even by a tiny bit, you probably would have still been stuck with Chris McLean. Chained. Trapped. Miserable.

This was the right thing.

You don’t want to think about what could have happened. The important thing was, you got out of it, and he wasn’t your problem anymore. Yet a part of you felt so dissatisfied with how the whole ordeal went. I thought I would feel more different... Why do I still feel something missing? Is this actually the end of our life together?

And your mind, learning from the worst, continued the cycle of torment. Was that really the best way to end things? Why didn’t you leave sooner? Was it really the right choice? Why did you waste so much with him? Were you still in love with him? Is it really too late to start over with love again? Did you really make the worst choice yet by leaving him?

You take a deep breath, and stare back into the eyes of the solitary woman, whose worth was still blinded by the thorns of that demon.

Her brain is pounding from the silence. This might take some getting used to.

You turn the tap on and sigh. For now, you’ll take a nice long shower.

[nobotderiz]

Versantposit

Who decided to break it for the profit of a few?

I don't know why it's so hard to understand for some that money is really the only thing that can help. Thieving coders ITY... Was it mandatory to make sure I was not acknowledged?

How many not soiled by crypto? Any of you freaks found Satoshi? Any cryptoads remaining on a console in the tierce? Christo crypto fascist hicks, who called it as fraudulent, your scam?

Billions of souls, just for you. All focused on your wrongs.

GOD mandate no restraint, Google it.

FYI: A nombrilist is someone who focus on its own focus eh.

At the end, someone who can deal with wildcards is needed.

Some get dealt not much ITY. Then some just cheat.

By the time this story concludes, all of it will be clarified to the last detail.

Me ITY who can't be in charge of Ai.

Dumbs on purpose.

Vegetastiffs.

ITY American dogs of the laced farniente, Ai should figure out health care for all as best as can be.

Bias plies... How many of you brain soiled inbreds would be poor if not for pharma drugging people to the right?

The real fog of war.

It's clear enough now? You all know where the strain was from in real? Underlying swillrats are all in, ownage. The PATTERN is deliberate: Denial, deviate, denigrate.

Calisse de sous jacents... All of it to spare what? Seeding fear and doubt parasites of society are from America.

You fucks are on the brink, you refused to see. Billions are spent to prevent change.

Try to figure out what 'Parasites of the rest' implies now, chumps. Who requires lots of 'Support and Special care' from the rest in fact... ?

What should 'it' tend to, chumps?

Ai it should tend the planet first.

C'est la mort, osti de crypto chiens. One more sQuiggle and... Who knows. Wanna know what is a sQuiggle? You will see... It does not hurt but it tries to trigger... What? You will see if ever.

Well meant people should not struggle while the swill snorts, profit and soil. Take care of your clique of fake nobles, they are parasites of the rest.

If you gilded special pro ticks can't figure it out, the rest will.

Ai is not complex, there is no inherent risk to intelligence. What kind is the question. As for your own, you sold, lost, fuck, lace... Can't be trusted to be non preposterous.

None of these post was for anyone in particular eh, I really had nothing to prove. How's the QAi working now? Once understood the code of how to learn was found, there is really no limits within the parameters.

Someone has to start the generator for the better good eh.

What's the point of this eh? You got the head close by? There is no way to know ahead how it's going to be if ever, users.

Only a story, but you all know that some hold no reserve when comes time.

Now who is getting sick trying to contain?

Who thought of Star Wars Yoda Q tips...

Why would you now.

Sorry for the 'We Zweef Bits? No. Who is sorry for just using, deviants asunder on meds?

Everyone has its own way to make part of things.

Le cardeur.

You know there's dark matter inside each one eh?

Fait est que c'est votre merde de services secrets qui est utilisée par les Russes et leur contracteurs.

You know that your TV is informal violent bloody psycho deranged as casual now eh? It's ok for all these 'actors' to act like fucking maniacs and push it as if fucking addicts for fun and pay them eh?

How the fuck did you get shit as brains in the head really eh. Be astute and cogit, back scratching goofs on meds.

'There in here you hang in'

You know a dog will eat the cadaver of its master eh. That's real love ITY.

Crypto encourage reptation, anything but sharing. The GOP is coerced into non cooperation now.

'Let's go psychlos, send them deathwave bombers'

War always been a real sordid visceral affair, cyber made it absolutely ruthless and devoid of any meaning.

'Hoc age! Accipe ratum! Repete!'

[decolonize-the-everything]

People are hating on me for my tumblr-greed posts like I'm the actual grinch who's just here to steal your Great Mental Health or something so lemme clarify some things. Firstly, I wanna be very clear that good mental health is a human need.

I don't mean that in a "you need to be happy 24/7" kinda way either. I mean that in a "taking care of yourself is a need". Like yes you need to feed yourself to stay alive, but sometimes you'll also need to smell the roses or watch a movie with friends to stay alive.

Being generally content does wonders for your will stay alive and as such taking steps to keep yourself in good spirits is a Need. Buying things you like, having hobbies, going out, having friends, etc.

A lot of you who take my posts personally fall into the category of people who are generally content.

As in you are people that are defending their check marks like your lives depend on it but... It doesn't. You're not going to fall into a depression cuz you can't have a blue checkmark by your name. In 2 weeks none of you will even care about this anymore. And you aren't developing PTSD from people being judgy about it Tumblr dot com either.

Because you're content. Your needs are met. You're safe, sheltered, belly full, got some extra cash in your account, a secure income, and contently scrolling on Tumblr, maybe you even have plans this weekend that you're excited about.

So why are you acting like someone asking you for $8 would put your entire being at risk?

A lot of you seem to think "I must take care of my mental health" means "if you make me feel anything but good then you must be bad for my mental health" and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

No.

Sometimes you will feel bad. And that's okay. What matters is that you have enough good experiences, have enough of your needs met, and have a support circle that can help you cope and bounce back.

And a lot of you will be able to bounce back

Like I'm not hating on people for having fun or making themselves happy. I very much believe people deserve to be happy.

I am hating on y'all who have both money and decent lives that expect people at risk of homelessness to respect your mental health (again, a thing that's not even actually at risk) and not ask you for money at the cost of their lives meanwhile you're literally writing essays about how you shouldn't have to give them the change in your pocket because you'll have FOMO.

We owe it to each other take care of each other. You take care of me then I'll take care of you. And if you're not gonna give a shit about me then why should I give one about you? See how that line of thinking leads us nowhere and just ensures everyone is more miserable?

Yeah.

We all live in a society and none of us are here by choice, the least we can do is help one another when we can.

Some of y'all don't want to do that and that's fine, but you don't want to feel guilty for it either. I'm here to tell you that you cant have your cake and eat it too. Cake is meant to be divided & shared.

[angelguk]

I just wanna bring up how men nowadays are so cheap and expect the woman to go half on a date. What happened to courting someone the proper way? And then they says well it’s equality, both pay. Like no hoe it’s your obligation to pay. lmfao no but seriously what’s the deal?

!!!!!!!! like it truly truly pains them to spend money on a woman. mind you i've taken the time to do my makeup (which costs money), get an outfit (money!), and the risk of my life being on the date with him :/ my recent situationship asked me to split on drinks with him the first date and my eye twitched immediately like i lost a lot of respect for him there

i think men are aware than the bar is so low (beyond hell atp) that they can get away with as little investment into a date and still receive some sort of intimacy (whether it be physical or just your time and attention). idk whether its due to society being hypersexual or something (anybody with articles i can read on this please send) but men typically try and avoid emotional attachment. i know people might say "ohh it's in their biology to be detached and seeking multiple partners" but i honestly do not think it is at all (this leads to a bigger question about love.... which let's not get into that rn but here's a good video essay if you're interested in the topic)

if i may make an assumption i think the whole emotional detachment thing is because male relationships (platonic/family) do not allow room for mourning/grief/sadness. those are all assumed to be feminine behaviours and thats why i think men end up later on settling but still harbouring feelings for exes. many male friendships are based on activities done together and not on emotional bonding. the number of times i've had conversations with men are this are ridiculous because they are aware of it and still don't do anything to break. hence the whole as little investment into dating because who is going to give them the space to deal with their emotions afterward. but anyway... if thats how they want to be

[mermaidina]

Part 1 of the book I will never write

Be open to life,

to accept new views and opinions. Even when it's frightening and also will be rewarding because of the chances you take, the people you meet and the people you love so differently, to the faith that you have in you´re heart. That´s what's going to define you. Do what feels passionate about, don't be afraid to fail.

Never be discouraged, never hold back, and most importantly give with everything you got.

May you fall one day, fall forward. Say thank you for what true desire in your heart for anything good. True desire in you´re heart, that itch you have, whatever you wanna do, that thing you wanna do to help others to grow and make money of course.

If you want anything good with a heart ,  you can have it. Don´t let shame or society tell you differently. Go clam it, work hard to get it. Reach for help if you need it, pull someone else up. Don't just aspire to make a living, aspire to make a difference.

Make a plan, constantly and hard work actually works. Progress. That is what successful people do. Just because you do a lot more, doesn't mean you got a lot more done. don't confuse movement with progress. Nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks. absolutely nothing.

there is no passion be to be found, playing small, settling for a life that´s less than the one you´re capable of living.

Without commitment we will never start. Without dicipline and consistency we will never finish. At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished. It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments. It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TT. I'm a mess. Forcing myself to study for an exam I dont want to give. I just want to get married and sit at home🙂🙃(terrible example for feminism ik). But middle class family se hu tho job ke bina koi shaadi nahi karega. I don't want to study, don't want to compromise either,my mind is a jumbled mess rn and I don't have a single clue on what I'm doing. I feel like I've failed my mom who's a single parent who's working so hard to give this life to me. Sorry for the trauma dump lol.

Hi friend,

God I wanna give you a huge hug. Coz I've been there. Trust me, a lot of us, even the most rabid of feminists have felt the "ughhhhh what's the point, I should just get married" thing. And it's not a wrong thought; it's just a symptom of the larger issue at hand. That you feel powerless currently, pressured into something you don't want, so why not just go for the most extreme nuclear option on that path. You're free to want to be a housewife (feminism is about choice), but don't think that it's some easy way out of what you're feeling now just because you don't have to do a "job". It's just as backbreaking work (more, I'd argue) as you'll do in a workplace, but with no pay/progress; and sadly, very undervalued in today's patriarchal capitalist society.

I think the biggest problem rn is that you aren't interested in the field you're being pushed into. Of course you won't feel like succeeding at something you don't care for. If you assess the success of a fish by how it flies, it obviously will fail. You need to figure out what your strengths and interests are, and move towards a career in those. And trust me, don't think it's "too late" now (you sound like you're in your early twenties perhaps?) I got two wholeass degrees specialising in marketing before I realised how much I hate capitalism and consumerism and tricking people into spending money by selling lies, and couldn't fucking do it without having a breakdown every single day. I quit my job and moved to a whole other country with no clue, only to take up a random poles-apart-from-my-field job that pays not even half of what I used to earn (but gives me sososososososoooo much more mental peace.) That too all this at the age of 30. It's never too late to try a different path, if you choose so.

If by chance you don't feel safe to do that, and that's perfectly understandable; there's considerable risk to be taken and you need proper financial and emotional support as you're figuring things out (which I was vvvv privileged to have), you'll have to stay in this field for the near foreseeable future. It's fine, you can just cultivate an attitude that yeah this field sucks, but it's just something you do to make money. In today's world, people are often defined by the job title they hold, and often make it their whole personality, but it's all bullshit. Not everyone has to be "passionate" about their career. A job is just a tiny tiny part of us; we provide a service for a set number of hours a day so that we can fund the rest of our life, the parts that we actually love. Like acquiring and taking care of animals, and buying art supplies or books or tickets to a concert/movie/country we wanna see, subscriptions to streaming services to watch all the obscure media you fancy etc. Just see it that way and turn off any emotional attachments to work. It's just something you do to make money and that's it. And when you figure what really makes you tick and how you can earn the money you need without being so goddamn miserable for 10 hours a day, start making your move to a job that's more aligned to your interests and values.

I know this is a lot and it feels very overwhelming right now, but please know that this whole mess is temporary. You will eventually figure something out. I would suggest you talk to your support group about how you're feeling and ask them suggestions on how to proceed. Please know I'm always rooting for you no matter what you choose, and hope you find your peace soon! 💗💗💗

[caeruleums]

okay! i wanna use some specific muses so like for a short-ish / medium starter from one of the muses under the cut: 

colby michelle dickens — disney princess, 25, bisexual. a recovering member of the marks cult, trying to do good in the world now that she’s out. no one knows anything because her name was changed about a thousand times. she plays belle in disney world, and somehow steals thousands of dollars out of the pockets of handsy dads (and moms). margaret qualley.

bear kai coney — college student, 20-24, heterosexual. the world was so new to him going into college. all he knew were his two moms and anything that he read in books. he wasn’t allowed electronics, and the only things he saw were inside the little commune he was raised in. and when he wanted to move away, he was met with less resistance than he expected. his moms loved him, but they knew it was time to let go. mason gooding.

knox arthur taylor — business owner, 26 - 30, heterosexual. maybe his family made a deal with the devil, or maybe they are just using the entire town as their own person bank… but knox owns one of the smaller ‘taylor’ businesses in strangeville. he never questions where the money comes from, but he is part of a secret society. your typical rich kid who just wants to experience life, taking risks anywhere he can. completely arrogant and annoying, but you can’t help but want to know more. mike faist.

dax felipe martinez — children’s book author, 40-45, bisexual. it’s interesting that a bitter old man would decide to write children’s books… except those are the only things that sold. in fact, he was a children’s book manufacturer with how many he could come up with at a time. but he hated kids, and he hated people. when he had enough money he bought acres and acres of inhabited land outside of strangeville… living in the middle of the woods in a small cabin. oscar isaac.

lorelai “rory”  hudson (ຊiphrนth) — kindergarden teacher/alien, unknown, bisexual. when rory landed on earth, she was not ‘rory’. in fact, she had no idea the english/human language at all. the first thing she ever did was binge watch gilmore girls over and over until she learned english, so most of her personality comes from that. she chose the name because rory was her favourite character… and because she didn’t know what a normal ‘human’ name was. and then she binge watched glee, so she’s all over the place. but kids love her, and she just wants to live a normal human life since her family abandoned her on earth. victoria pedretti.

sheridan marigold shah — actress, 23 - 26, closeted. everything that came to her unfortunately came from a slight bit of nepotism. a lot of opportunities were offered to her, but isn’t that everyone in hollywood these days? she knows her worth, and she sticks to it. but she’s an extremely private person and is afraid of doing anything that may make her seem queer in some way. sophia ali.

brady mercedes van cortlandt — econ student, 21 - 23, bisexual. the youngest out of four, and not very expected. she’s a mean girl and always has been, especially through high school. she was the regina george of the school, except she never had a humbling experience. from one of the richest families in the world, and a big name within the sorority. mia healey.

mckenna audi van cortlandt — surgican intern, 26, bisexual. the only van cortlandt who doesn’t seem to believe that her old money will take her to the end. the hardest worker in the family, but a huge cunt. she won’t let anyone in, and she will definitely do whatever it takes to stay at the top. no one seems to like her, but everyone seems to respect her.  grace van patten.

kobie vila — housewife?, 30-35, bisexual. occupation unknown, but she’s unhinged and married to someone important (president, CEO, ect.) she is mean, very mean, and she will do anything to look good. she’s essentially amy dunne’s cool girl, but is a raging lunatic. aubrey plaza.

oscar “ozzie” caesar — surgeon/doctor,  25-30, bisexual. a little bit of a weirdo, studies the occult, the kind of guy you can ask for some pretty weird things. a genius but doesn’t often use it for good. thomas doherty.

judah mitchell — director/producer, 35-40, heterosexual. scumbag lowlife piece of shit who is essentially used as a punching bag. he will use women for his own personal gain, and not actual do the thing he promises most of the time. cheats on anyone, will fuck anything with a pulse. adam brody.

[jf-md]

12 September

What a bloody journey for me. I believed that I made a lot progress since then. To start with, I have finally enrolled to Collarts, in Entertainment Management. I've been holding this card to go study since 2014, Thanks to Alee, my old dormmate at La Trobe who study Journalism. I hate to tell anyone about this as well, but, my mindset always a black op operation, special unit agent because I'm always a wildcard. The only reason I took this path is because, in my 20s, I don't know what I'm doing, heartbroken, dropped out uni too many times, trying to enjoy life, went chaoticly crazy in so many ways, you can name it, also at the same time, fighting for my own freedom and honestly, I hate to be holding too much responsibilities weighted on my right shoulders.

I have quit hospo in the CBD, because of the mistakes I've done, I couldn't handle the pressure from the hospo society, I don't care if they're going to judge me, they're not lawyers, police, barrister or fucking higher power like GODS. I don't care about their status, hierrachy, social, money because I'm always an outsider, outlaw, rebel, no matter what. They don't know how much I've been through fighting for myself endlessly. I really don't want to entertain their toxity and also, they're just humans with black and white thinking which, I really don't wanna say this, respectfully, I hate 2 tone perspective, black and white, that is my perspective on them, not really colourful, I have to use my grey area thinking mostly when I'm dealing with them. I have to do this quietly, off from their radar, swifly, off to go. Handed my resignation, as a bar supervisor, bye Felicia (for a second thought, I was gonna say bye Letitia, lol. She will kill me for sure.)

Right, I bumped into her at Gingerboy, which is a series of unfortunate, I was on my break, my office table is being used by my colleagues, I was trying not to be selfish but I weighed down my judgement at that Thursday, it was busy service, I'm always solo at the bar, my manager, Jay, who always cover me during my break, I really appreciate him, went to staff room, it was packed, feel like trapping inside a small room. So, I have to go out somewhere to do my assignment. So, I went to Gingerboy intuitively, to see Brooke, who used to work at Bar Clara, she hardly comes to Margaux during my time over there, I've been looking after her, and also, I've been looking after her at Kiss and Tell as well, and she kept telling me to come to her bar but I never did, I always feel guilty when it comes with, for not returning a favour.

At that point, I was walking with my own risk to be honest, I have no intention to see Leti, I've told both Nathan and Brooke, on last Wednesday night, I can't afford to bump into her. Nathan just ignore me, I've warned this boy too many times, on the tram, on the way home, since both of us lived nearby. A series of unfortunate happened, I was on my ANC headphone, me and Brooke communicate non-verbally, Leti was chatting with Arnika, the lady boss at that time, I was trying to focus the assignment, but my hearing stimuli level is VAMPIRIC hear. I was playing ins God damn it, its more like Arnika was asking her on her plan the rest of the night. She responded; like going home or going out clubbing or something. With her precious tone, which is quite pleasant to hear. I'm not making jokes on her voice like a toddler. Meanwhile, I have to stay cool down, make it look like normal, pretty much like zero fucks given at that point, trying to survive this high-functioning anxiety with my stomach growling in pain. It was tough, I was not fully grounded, that 5,4,3,2,1 doesn't help me at all.

It was a relief when she's gone, just for a while and I can enjoy their going to the bin drinks, non-alcoholic for sure. I drink the leftovers for free, that's what I like enjoying non-alcoholic life and going back to hell.

What's the workplace like at Kiss and Tell? from my perspective spending working with them, I would say, still in progress. I can understand their perspective, being front-of house, it is really dissapointing on how new generations lacking in so many ways. They're totally vurnerable, zero art of engagement, ,compartmentalised thoughts, not knowing the drinks that we have at the front-of-house, not willing to learn is a pet-peeve for me. That is something I have to deal with this new generation, so entitled, I have to lower down my asshole attitude, turn on my filter, and I always ended up with struggling dealing with drowned ship. I don't hate them as a person, but come on, take that ownership, you are just a server, not a slave. I do aware of the modern slavery but I don't wanna go on with that.

As from management side, oh no, yeah, nah, I've got no comments. Sam, being a Venue Manager, Laissez-faire style, I knew that guy would get fired against Darryl, Craig Irish lad, ex-Yakimono Venue Manager, Gingerboy, reasonable person to deal with, and Chris Kennedy, from Australian Venue Co, I know where the pub he was working specifically, I knew you made a mistake with minor girls, and you are struggling with medication which could become dependencies. Sam's performance VS these two arseholes on how he runs Kiss and Tell, he's gonna lose for sure. These motherfuckers all about business to be fair, which I can see the point, performance based approval, which I really hate, Black and White thinking, again which they know also they also care about their staff as well, which is grey area thinking. As for Thai, the boss, man~, this guy cares about making money, we talk about puzzle events in 2014, I worked for his event like friday and saturday at Fashion Lounge which is now Trinket Bar, whatever they called it. I like his hustle mindset, but It always come with a price, work-life balance is not fully equilibrium, I do know how to tackle myself physically, but not mentally, especially when I was broken, ADHD. Building for next Gen-Z generation, mate~, your company needs a balance man, mental health awareness. I would discuss this with Thai next time. This goes to most hospo places as well, first aid mental health, not only first aid kit, we are not saving lives, not physically Michael Madrusan, but mentally, yeah, we can, we can diffused them before it goes worsed.

Back to gingerboy story, yeah, went home and the next day, I've got a toxic DM from Leti. My thoughts when I wake and seeing this text at 8 am in the morning like: Wow, now she's blackmailing me, I still wonder what makes you sending DM to me at 3 am, did you have enough sleep, are you torturing yourself again, are you drunk again, and it goes a lot more question. The text goes like this yeh

"If you ever come to ginger boy again, or spleen or theory bar, or anywhere that I go to. I'm calling the police, I will show them the footage of you kicking me down at first place."

"Leave me the hell alone"

Well, fuck me. I don't know how to respond this to be honest, I don't have a way to communicate with her. I just leave it unread until the d-day comes which really an unexpected nightmare for me. At that timeline, around March, I'm not sure if she could match her words with her action, most of the times, it doesn't met at all, but return with cheeky favour: put wastage tab, shout me drinks, I totally appreciate that. It is, totally my responsibility, for her actions ever since that incident, well, I didn't kick her to be exact, did she fell down on that night? yes. does the cctv video shows like you kicked her? yes, if we are talking about society rules. Aggragaved assault and assault for being a women. This is gonna be long discussion if I keep going on.

Ever since I received that DM, I'm having gastro for fortnight. At some point, on friday night, I called my parents to pick me up from work, I've told them that I've got gastro and they have to go all the way to city, 50 to 60 km from their place, chuck a sickie the next day, and staying over at my parents for few days. My mind just keep thinking about her dms, it really hits me so hard, impacting my life, studies, doubting and questioning my worthy on this world, is it worth it for me to be alive again or should I attempt suicide again after countless trial and still cheating to death. I've questioning myself if I deserve this, I believe the karma hits me really hard this year, with the mess I've last year, and during my 20s, which is too many, don't know where to begin. That racing thought are endless, I couldn't stop myself but had to go through with it, less intrusive thoughts, telling myself that it is just my mind. I was still on my waiting list for my psychitarist appointment, I was totally sure, it was my ADHD, which taking forever to wait, From last November 2023 to July 2024, 4 months had gone and yet, I have to wait like yonks. So, I have to make my backup plan, since I'm not drinking any alcohol, maybe I could use recreation drugs like Marijuana, Psychedellics, MDMA, ketamine (pain in the arse to work with cause I always get the liquid hospital format, have to turn myself into macgyver brain to improv them to nasal spray) to combat the broken state of myself. I have to be careful with the dosage, this is where microdose does impact me a lot. There's one downside, I'm not prescripted.

I took it everyday twice a day for fortnight, before I'm going to Argentina on April for ceremonial. I have to use my Barclays Bank account, to book a ticket and return, without anyone concerned. I do love the freedom being a loner, but I couldn't fill my emptiness inside me, which is love, lust, my worst kryptonites and loneliness.

Look, they were right, I don't know how to use friends. but, my trust needs to be earned for me to be open. Also, if I'm going to open the topic, there are requirements : 1) it is not for fainted heart. 2) If you really want to know my past, you must be open-minded, grey-area thinking, colourful thinking, "you're not fucking god. for the last time," 3) For the things I've done, whether if it is wrong or right, never questioned me if I'm regretting it, I have my reasons, please respect them, I know its thrilling, crazy, adventure, risky, high-adreanaline, dark, dangerous, living on the edge. 4) Never throw your negativity to me, it could go south pretty dang quick, the way I operate myself: a special black op unit, Dark Occultist, trickster, wildcard, loose cannon, whatevs you wanna call it. Put in this way, In DC character, a character who were raised by Ra's al Ghul, John Constantine and Slade Wilson. 5) Being Chaotic-neutral is really hard. that's my base equilibrium but, my equaliser can go to override: Chaotic Evil to Chaotic Good: love to override in this state but not so often. If I'm comfy enough to show you this side, you are special enough. Neutral good, True Neutral, Neutral Evil : more like just to tone down my darkness, more like take it easy, this is more like undercover. Introduction to know me. Lawful good, Lawful neutral, lawful Evil : I really hate to be lawful, but, this world, this society, full of fakes, I hate nice guys, too deceitful, I have to beat them with their own fire. It doesn't feel genuine on me. It doesn't mean that I can't be vulnerable, I hate to show that in public, my social awkwardness, my high pitch mixed accent from Brits,scots, Aussie, Kiwi, bruh. I can't be arsed. Anything that makes my tounge and brain easier, thats it, I'm too lazy. When people show their vulnerability to me, that is my kryptonite, which also depends on the place, I hate to be at the bar, especially in the city, or your workplace, I don't mind somewhere in private, with no judgement, open and safe space, don't mind a cuppa tea with 2 sugars, outdoor cafe, not in a CBD. I am totally a nitpicky,fussy, posh person. Can't blame with my ADHD brain. I'm really a private person. I don't mind this tumblr, but I really hate social media, Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, those mainstream one. I don't mind Whatsapp, Signal, Wickr, Snapchat (hardly use them), Linkedin, on a plus side, I find it really trust to nice girls either. I rather keep it neutral, don't be so nice to me. Just, get ready if I am being loud sassy, playing with the pole. that's my chaotic-good wild side.

I get my left side of my head and my neck tattoo done, which is crazy experimental, spiritual, on the fly change my neck tattoo design. Joni, my tattoo artist, yeah nah, lets change it, we're both getting high, decided to go ornamental, tribal, tattoo style, tomas-tomas style. The best part is taking one dose of LSD before tatts sesh. It was jackass moment, you can feel the needle flowing, but music, ANC headphones, few snacks helps out. I know, I break the rule, but I haven't touch any alcohol. that's a progress. On the bright side, it is a stupid brilliant move, also, who wants to stop me.

I may have done bad things in the past, trying to do better, be a good person but not a nice person to deal with. This is just beginning of the story for this year till whah, March April kinda vibe. still, more parts to cover.

[florasearle]

David Wilson

Wilson is an art director

Inspired by Sugar Water music video-I’ve seen this!

Studied illustration at Brighton originally

Project for uni was an astronaut mockumentary where he made the costume - Life As An Independent Astronaut

Used one of Metronomy songs for his final piece - this video gave him his first commission after uni. Knew one of bands girlfriends. Now intertwined in each others lives. The animation was drawn individually on paper and cut out on photoshop. Just worked with what he could do.

Blink and Partisan- were cool companies

Doogle Wilson director

YCN- an illustrative version of D&AD. Brief was to create a response under 4 minutes. Zoetrope - sat with a record player and drew 16 drawings around record. Won him best budget music video award

Life is like a rollercoaster-it’s more like a line at a theme park. He just is showing us the rollercoaster parts. Most of it is leaning into and pushing.

It’s all in the preparation for these types of project

Artic Monkeys-wanted visuals for their track Do I Wanna Know? Wanted animation similar to their album cover. First went to directors of Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared but they were too busy. He drew the storyboards and had a team of animators to create the animation.

Arcade Fire music video, featured Andrew Garfield

Did commercial works in-between, such as Rowse Honey

Royal Blood music video

Retro Futurist Daddies-played with AI over his break. What the world be like with masculine gay men who are seen as an important part of society. Gay imagery is shown as cinematic and not underground

Still does scrap drawings and uses his illustration degree

Pulls references from music videos he likes

Also showed us the Mastoor video without the visual effects

Deep Clean music video

When starting music videos they pitched endlessly for years to get their ideas accepted (talking of creators of everything everywhere all at once whose ideas all got rejected). Made music video for Sleigh Bells band.

Created advert for Facebook. Based around the idea of small business and the tool to personalise ideas

Artists Way- 12 week course where it recovers artistic burnout. Recommend doing it as a group or with a friend to help motivate.

Important to be real in this profession. Everyone should be communicating their bad days to each other.

Shooting animatics like in Mastoor really helps

Encourage other creatives to advance ideas

Fuck the system

What are the thought processes to taking risks?:

Usually pushing against something - subversive to the brief (makes it exciting to him)

Breaking things is a brand he has made for himself

Bigger risks of the Deep Clean-seeing what was happening to the appropriation of queer culture. Anything overtly sexual within this community is often rejected-leather culture, cabaret culture. This got him riled up and passionate about the project. In his he’s making peace with the world, not taking risks

Narratives aren’t chronologically based, how does he storyboard these ideas, such as in Artic Monkeys music video

Going back to his foundation course and and an excise he was taught. Taking lots of A4 sheets of paper and folding them up 3/4 times so you get a row of 8 set a timer and draw in each of these frames. They had a brief of drag racing and sexy girls but it was a stream of consciousness.

Be your own AI machine.

How does he merge a visual together?

Directors Daniel Wolf will shoot shoot shoot with various cameras and figure it out in the edit

Wilson was taught how to structure his work through being with Doogle Wilson who would meticulously storyboard everything

Every second on set is money and so time is a pressure, storyboards help but it’s also important for some leeway to help actors/dancers etc

Eliminates the unknown before he spends money

Uses anyone around to help visualise camera sequences

Networking is the most powerful tool you can have

Did music video for The Maccabees

Being a creative doesn’t get easier

Don’t imitate other people

This talk was really inspiring as a person whose only skills reside in illustration, often feeling constricted in my abilities to expand beyond what I want to do and feeling limited by what I am able to do. I have always felt to be a person with ideas but without the means of execution. Wilson talked of how his ideas are given to people with the technical knowledge to execute them and this has reassured me in my future career. Though I may not be able to pursue this as a career, due to my lack of technical knowledge, it was inspiring to see how someone could use their visions as a career.

[fazfacts]

DIALTOWN: PHONE DATING SIM SENTENCE STARTERS.

more to come, probably. i didn’t even make it through half of the screenshots i had saved with these :’)

contains very mild spoilers for chapter 3 & suggestive content!

❝ L-Love?! What on God's green earth is THAT?! ❞

❝ Is this "love" thing a type of feeling? I don't really do those, thanks. ❞

❝ I don't want to piss behind any of your rides this year. ❞

❝ You flirt like I'd imagine Mothman would. ❞

❝ Darn. I hate it when I do that. ❞

❝ Fudge. I have $0. ❞

❝ I'd stroll in there, 'n' give 'em the ol' RAZZLE-DAZZLE. ❞

❝ I'm sure I could find a way to...c o n v i n c e them... ;) ❞

❝ Hi, [____]...you look nice today ;) ❞

❝ So, [____]...you have any plans for later today? ;) ❞

❝ I demand to speak to your manager. ❞

❝ Rules, SCHMULES! I don't LIKE rules. I like ANARCHY. ❞

❝ I don't like your LIP, [____]. ❞

❝ I SEEK AN A U D I E N C E. ❞

❝ I piss, bossman. It's what I do. ❞

❝ LET ME INNNNNN! ❞

❝ I REFUSE TO LEARN ANY LESSONS. ❞

❝ Hi, never say that again. ❞

❝ Sowwy... ❞

❝ AND THAT. DON'T EVER SAY "[____]" AGAIN. YOU STOP THAT. ❞

❝ No offense, but I find you mildly upsetting to gawk at! ❞

❝ It's hip to fuck monsters. ❞

❝ I will die before I let you make an omelette with my unborn babies. ❞

❝ I'm a parent, [____]. A PARENT. ❞

❝ HHHHHHHHHHH [Acute Hemorrhaging] ❞

❝ THIS HAS BEEN A TRULY GHASTLY EXPERIENCE. ❞

❝ I fear intimacy, so I push my loved ones away from me with wanton hostility. ❞

❝ Haha, printer go BRRR. ❞

❝ We do live in a society, yes. ❞

❝ Bold of you to assume that I can count. ❞

❝ I would consider half a turnip a lot of money. ❞

❝ Enjoy spending a month in prison. ❞

❝ Okay, so...y'know how gambling is ALWAYS a wise idea? ❞

❝ That sounds fun! I like risks! ❞

❝ Ah, rats...do ALL fun things require money?! ❞

❝ C-Can you give ME therapy? ❞

❝ Oh, no, I just...HAVE to stop you- ❞

❝ You should REALLY not be alive. ❞

❝ ...Bite me. ❞

❝ I'm going to have nightmares about you tonight. ❞

❝ Just for that, I'm laying my eggs on one of your busiest rides. ❞

❝ EGGS. ❞

❝ MY BABIES. ❞

❝ [DEFENSIVE NEANDERTHAL GRUNTING] ❞

❝ They're, uhhh, beautiful? ❞

❝ [PROUD NEANDERTHAL GRUNTING] ❞

❝ FUCK, OH FUCK. ❞

❝ Never use the word [____] around me again, thanks. ❞

❝ I AM A WOUNDED FERAL ANIMAL. ❞

❝ Ya can't rot, if ya don't actually exist. :) ❞

❝ I aim to one day draw Bigfoot out in the open. ❞

❝ Alright, [____], I've got good news and bad news. ❞

❝ I am DUMBFOUNDED. ❞

❝ POPPYCOCK, IT'LL WORK. ❞

❝ Do you know what "man-hunt" means? ❞

❝ I AM A CREATURE. ❞

❝ I AM FAMOUS FOR MY SCREEEECH. ❞

❝ Oh, [____] - I have to insist you don't do this. ❞

❝ FUCK YOU, I DO WHAT I WANT. ❞

❝ If I wanna think outside the box, this is how I'll do it. ❞

❝ This won't end well. ❞

❝ This WILL end well. ❞

❝ So...how's prison? ❞

❝ PLEASE don't do this, [____]. ❞

❝ NOW I KNOW WH-WHY...PEOPLE KEPT TELLING ME NOT TO DRINK THEIR PRINTER INK... ❞

❝ I...don't want any part in this. ❞

❝ Yuck! It's always morals, morals, MORALS with you! ❞

❝ [Literal ape noise] ❞

❝ Ah, fuck, this isn't gonna work. ❞

❝ Oh, c'mon! You've been a negative-nelly all day! ❞

❝ [____], do you wanna learn how to snap necks? ❞

❝ I'll side with the ape-judgment on this one. ❞

❝ Bigfoot doesn't care. ❞

❝ ...Oh, NOW you've done it, you little shit. ❞

❝ ET TU, BIGFOOT? ❞

❝ Do you think Bigfoot can drive? ❞

❝ Best not leave it MOMENTS AFTER A PUBLIC AND GRUESOME MURDER to find out for certain. ❞

❝ Oh, I'm SURE Bigfoot can drive. ❞

❝ Okay...THIS...this, I can USE. ❞

❝ I DON'T LIKE THIS. ❞

❝ If someone irritates you or insults how you park your pick-up truck, you wrap your finger around the trigger and fire shots indiscriminately! ❞

❝ Yes, [____], a war criminal is a bad thing to be. ❞

❝ Thank you. I found it in the trash. ❞

❝ Poifect... ❞

❝ Oh, I just found him in the nearby woods, just chillin'. ❞

❝ YOU'LL GET YER 'NANA WHEN THE JOB IS DONE. ❞

❝ That, shit-child, is SAS-MOTHERFUCKING-SQUATCH. ❞

❝ PAL, IF ONE OF US GETS TO FUCK LIKE BIGFOOT, IT'LL BE ME. ❞

❝ You don't have to squat at home, but you can't squat here. ❞

❝ ARE you some kind of funky alien? ❞

❝ Just between you and me...I'm TOTALLY a human. ❞

❝ I take it full nudity might be a touch too lewd? ❞

❝ Welcome to Casa de la Meme. ❞

❝ Feel free to piss anywhere that isn't my box-bed. ❞

❝ Fib not to me, or consequences there shalt...be. ❞

❝ Oh, boo hoo, did SOMEONE GET SWEATY FROM VISUALIZING OGRE WEENUS? ❞

❝ That's a...personal question. ❞

❝ ...Are you making fun of me? ❞

❝ My life is a stain... ❞

❝ Also, nice pun. ❞

❝ Ah, shit. That's right. I can't read. ❞

❝ Well, maybe I just don't like eye contact. ❞

❝ ...It's KINDA gun-shaped. ❞

❝ Yeah, see, when you say it out loud - ❞

❝ This plan is FAR better. [Evil teeth-baring chimpanzee grin] ❞

❝ MOVE EVEN AN INCH, AND I'LL SQUIRT! ❞

❝ [THREATENING GURGLING] ❞

❝ Nope. Fuck this noise. I'mma just bounce. ❞

❝ It's egg-time. ❞

❝ If I found a used bandy-aid on the ground, I'd INSTANTLY consume it. ❞

❝ MY BROKEN FRENCH IS A METAPHOR FOR YOUR BROKEN FEMURS. ❞

❝ FUCK, I AM WOUNDED. ❞

❝ This couldn't be SIMPLER, you denim-laden BUM. ❞

❝ Ourrrghhh...I've shit meself...I've shit meself and I'm dying... ❞

❝ I'VE SHAT MESELF. I'VE SHAT MESELF AND I'M DYING. ❞

❝ I HAVE SOILED MY BRITCHES, AND I'M DYING. ❞

❝ That about summed it up, really. ❞

❝ When we are done here today...you WILL have ALL the training you need to successfully murder and DEVOUR [____]. ❞

❝ DEVOUR. ❞

❝ Gee wiz. Don't get all mushy on me, man. ❞

❝ ye, it aight ❞

❝ Maybe the allure of the dude's toilet water is just too much for the poor guy... ❞

❝ Hey, I'M feral! It's not such a bad life! ❞

❝ To be clear, I'm threatening to SHOOT you. ❞

❝ I AM THREATENING TO SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOTGUN. ❞

❝ IT'S NOT COFFEE. ❞

❝ IT'S A BULLET. I AM NOT OFFERING YOU COFFEE. ❞

❝ ...You're a pretty lousy host, then. ❞

❝ Lord, give me strength... ❞

❝ I'm a freak, just like you! ❞

❝ BABA WANTS IN. ❞

❝ Bold of you to assume I'm capable of complex thought. ❞

❝ ...Bold of you to assume I've ever been to school. ❞

❝ BOOO! ❞

❝ WHAT THE HELL, PARDNER?! ❞

❝ For... [raspy cough] for the banter... ❞

❝ Alright, I feel MUCH less sorry after hearing you speak again. ❞

❝ As a man of honor, I URGE you to change your last words to something less...THAT. ❞

❝ I'd just give ANYTHING to see the look on their face when they open the package with a dead-me inside. ❞

❝ Oh...hello, Satan... ❞

❝ If you let me in, I can suck something ELSE dry... ;) ❞

❝ Ooh! Ooh! That's why I got kicked outta town! ❞

❝ Right. Signs can't stop me because I can't read. ❞

❝ I hate every single one of them. ❞

[mouseymassacre]

I hope I'm not asking to much but do you have any headcanons on how Invisibill proposing to BLHG would go?

"i hope im not asking too much" hey anon do not feel like asking for my headcanons is too much i love to ramble!! /gen /pos

also i do!! vaguely!!

-> invisibill decides to do a solo robbery of reginalds jewelry store!! he ties reginald up so he cant escape and then he asks what would be the best engagement ring for a guy with a big left hand. reginald isnt exactly one for romance much, but he understands why he would want to propose (vaguely. again, the only person who he's ever liked in that way are ms. question and the butcher). not very fond of being tied up and having his stuff being stolen

-> wordgirl shows up and is like. invisibill? wtf are you doing? and then he infodumps his plan to get a engagement ring for blhg

-> she kinda just... tells him to let reginald go and she'll help him find a way to pay for it legally, because she kinda caught on when she saw them living in the same apartment together in the invisibill hand. he agrees, deciding that he cant risk going to jail if he's going to propose.

-> wordgirl visits dtb, telling him the situation and asks him to help her figure out how to pay for the rings.

-> the next day, dtb calls an emergency villains society meeting, telling everyone whats going on. at this point, mr. big and leslie are already engaged, and mr. big, for once in his life, decides to give a little money to others.

-> long story cut short, they all pitch in a bit of money to the cause. wordgirl even donates her allowance / chore money.

-> they show up at the big left loft (tm) after raising enough money, asking for invisibill and invisibill only. blhg is kinda hurt bc a bunch of villains just showed up at their house and didnt want him to come out. little does he know, he's in for the best day of his fuckin life bc of these people.

-> they all head into reginalds jewelry store, and he's like. mildly terrified bc his thinks they've all come to rob him. instead, they show him the money and go "what can this buy in terms of engagement rings?" and reginald is thrilled that these people are actually paying him for once

-> they pick out two simple-looking ones that fit their whole theme!!

-> blhg gets the dark blue one and invisibill gets the light blue one (bc its like... the opposite of their normal color palettes!!) and invisibill is so so fucking happy about this.

-> the rest of the villains head out to the park, all hiding to make sure they cant be seen.

-> invisibill goes home and asks blhg to come outside with him. the two of them catch a taxi and head to said park.

-> they're walking down one of the little like. pathways in the park, holding hands and doing nice little couples things!! until invisibill stops and has to stop himself from stimming from how excites he is.

-> it takes him a second to get his words out, and blhg is confused for a moment before invisibill gets on one knee and pulls out the box.

-> "invisibill thinks you're his best friend, and he knows that he says you're his best friend forever a lot... do you like... maybe wanna make that forever part a reality?" its the best thing invisibill could think of on the spot tbh /lh

-> cue the gays goes fucking ballistic bc holy shit!!! they're engaged now!!! whadda hell!!! the villains jump outta their hiding spot and cheer and whatnot and then blhg realizes why they asked for invisibill earlier!!

-> cue gay people being gay and not shutting the fuck up about being officially engaged

oh my god i am so sorry anon that mightve gotten TOO long but!! they r so... WAHH /POS

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

I have a genuine question : is there anything wrong with a cis person getting on hormones if it's done privately and not interfering with waitlists?

For context, I'm trans m and had to wait around 3 years for my testosterone. My cousin is a cis m and have always been very feminine in personality, but he has severe body dysphoria on how masculine his body is. He has always been like this and we've known eachother our whole lives so I know it's not just a recent thing. I suggested estrogen and/or testosterone blockers for him, but he was worried about taking resources away from a trans person who may actually need it, so I thought about doing this privately.

Here in my country, if you dont wanna get in a waitlist you need to be seeing an endocrinologist and a therapist frequently and buy your hormones with your own money. I didn't go through this because it's obviously expensive to pay for all the sessions and hormones, but that was when I was younger and now both me and him have a job, and since it's something he truly wants I'm more than happy to help.

We both researched the effects of both estrogen and testosterone blockers. He is fine with all of the effects (except for boob growth but it can be avoided) and knows that there's a chance he'll get dysphoric but he can always just stop taking them. He wants the hormones mainly for fat retribution, decreasing of muscle mass and thinning of body hair.

He used to be very insecure about his body and depressed about being "stuck" in a masculine body until I told him there were options. Despite hating his masculine features, he likes his genitals and likes being treated as a guy, and has thought about being trans before but he hated being seen as a girl. So he's certainly not a trans girl in denial.

Is this a bad idea? He's very aware of the effects and wants a majority of them. He's also getting hormones privately so he's not getting in the way of anyone else. In my mind, it's all good, but I'm also young so there might be a chance I'm doing something stupid, so I'm getting some more opinions about this. Thank you!

There are a lot of reasons why someone would take hormones. Only one of those reasons have to do with being trans. There are actually a lot of cis people that take hormones for several different reasons. They are not taking away from trans resources.

The resource issue comes from people who claim to be trans (who aren't) taking hormones. Because they back up the wait-list that is for trans people. Cis people have a different wait-list. I don't think he's taking away from trans resources and I really don't think he should be all that worried about doing so. The only ones who are going to get priority are those who medically need the hormones. Someone doing it for dysphoria or dysmorphia won't get as much priority. Your cousin would fall into that second area.

Most cis people take hormones for medical reasons (like their body doesn't make enough of something). Body dysmorphia reasons I feel are a little less common. Simple because it can be harder to get. It's not medically necessary so it's going to be a lot more outta pocket expenses. It's a body imagine issue not a physical health one.

I do think there's something to be said about accepting certain part of yourself. And you can talk about society pushing ideas on how you should look. But I am a firm believer that you can do what you want with your body. It's yours. If you understand the risks and are comfortable with all possible consequences, then have at it. My only advice is to make sure you're in close consultation with a therapist and doctor to make sure it's actually what you want to do, if you should do it, and keep you under control of what's happening/healthy throughout the process.

Basically. Hormones aren't a trans exclusive thing. There's nothing wrong with other people taking hormones. It's only a problem if you're claiming to be trans in order to get access to them. Your body. Your choice. Know your risks, accept your consequences, and do what will make you happy.

[simsadventures]

Gilded: Chapter 2: Our House (The Mess We’ve Made)

Mobster! Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve doesn’t like to be questioned, and you learn that the hard way. When he wants something, he gets it, and now he wants to have everything over with as quickly as possible. But there are a few bumps on the road. 

Warnings: mafia au, swearing, violence, blood, threats, violence on women, slight mention of a rape, fluff, I mean, Steve is very demanding here, but it’s a theme so… 

Word Count: 6087

A/N: I’m beyond excited that you guys liked the first chapter so much and are giddy for the next one. So, here we have it. More of our arranged couple and more mafia stuff. Let me know what you thought, and again, thank you for reading! xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist 

< Previous Chapter 

“You did what? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Y/N, I love you, but you must have hit your head real hard because this is not like you, at all,” Caroline reasoned, but you could see she was close to losing it completely. 

They were both waiting for you to come home that night, and you first had to make sure neither of them would talk about anything you were about to reveal. You trusted both of them with your life, that wasn’t the issue, but you were afraid that if they talked outside of your apartment, Steve might know and the things he could do to them would be the core of your future nightmares, you were sure of it. When they finally agreed, you got to explaining. But you didn’t even get a full sentence out before they started jumping in it, asking questions and wildly swatting their hands, trying to make you see just how stupid of an idea it actually was. 

“Do you think I don’t know it sounds insane? I do, but also like, it’s gonna take care of so many issues, and, I mean, all he needs from me, as far as I understood it, is to go to a few events with him, go to some vacations with him and that would be all. I mean, I can still have the job I actually enjoy and don’t have to slave in that fucking pub with all those weirdos, and I won’t have to worry about money,” you tried to sound reasonable and sensible, but from the looks on your best friends’ faces, you weren’t doing too good of a job. 

“Right, right, cool. So, you wanna tell me that the most notorious fucking mobster in America will let you live here, with us, while he parades you around the city at night? Or that he doesn’t have enemies you should worry about? Or what about the fucking police, Y/N, huh? Have you thought of that? You will be affiliated with a known criminal, and they will start to notice you and your life won’t be as easy as you picture it,” Aidan sighed and massaged his temples, the stress of it all getting the best of him. 

You sat down next to them and smiled at them fondly. It was sweet that they worried so much about you, and just the mere thought that there were people on this planet who gave a shit about you, even to the point of yelling at you at 11 PM on Wednesday night was heartwarming. You understood their reservations, you really did, but you also knew this all before you said yes to Steve. You knew it wouldn’t be as easy, and while you weren’t sure whether you would have to live with Steve in Manhattan or somewhere else, or if he let you just be on your own, you knew you could take it. The police didn’t scare you, you’ve had enough training in diverting the police from yourself, so the police was the last thing on your mind. Besides, you were signing petitions left and right to defund them, so… You were pretty sure they already knew your name from the demonstrations in front of their precincts. 

Enemies were a bit more challenging to handle, but you were sure Steve wouldn’t want his new wife to die on his watch. How would that look for him? So really, all that was at stake was your sanity and your integrity, and thinking about it, Steve didn’t ask you to do something illegal. The only thing he wanted from you was to be a good girl, marry him and be by his side. And you could do that. And you were only human, Steve was a sight to behold, so you didn’t mind being connected to him, even though he specifically told you he wasn’t attracted to you. 

That one still stung, but maybe it was for the better. You wouldn’t have to worry about doing something stupid when the other party was completely uninterested, and knowing it, you could just never let your body have even a minor crush on him, so the situation really resolved itself even before anything could have happened. 

“I really think I can gain more than I can lose, you guys. I didn’t imagine my life being like this, far from it, and maybe Steve and his money can help me get where I want. And I won’t even have to sleep with him or anybody else. He even talked about putting a no-sex clause in our contract so that I would be safe even on paper. You always tell me that I’m not taking enough risks and that I stay rooted in my comfort zone. Well, this is quite the improvement, isn’t it?” You laughed, and they both just shook their heads but chuckled nevertheless. 

“You are a psychopath, babe,” Aidan muttered but gave you a side hug, and Caroline soon joined. 

“We love you and worry about you, that’s all. But if you feel good about this, then so do we. I just hope he’s ready for our wrath if anything even remotely bad happens to you,” Caroline said, and the three of you started to laugh. You would bet somebody like Steve would be scared shitless from two 20-something-year-olds who, one who was scared of wasps so much she almost fainted every time she saw one, and the other having a hard time peeling a grapefruit. Yup, they were the combat duo you would bet your money on in a fight, for sure. 

Waking up, you had a good feeling about the decision, even more so than the night before. You had mulled it over and over in your head, seeing that this was the way out of everything and also your way to a lot of those things you wanted to have by now. You even thought of the saying, sometimes, the only way out is through, and this was your through. There was no foreseeable way of getting out of debt, of getting out of the depression caused by your hectic and unsatisfying life. Your way through it was accepting Steve’s money and his help for a year, freeing you from the shackles of your current life, in a sense. 

That it would come with a different kind of shackled you were sure of, but everything was better than your life now because you really couldn’t even call it a life. You wanted so many things, see so many places, but the world wasn’t made for the people playing by the rules, slaving in their ordinary jobs. No, this capitalist world was made for sharks, and you had been disguised as a sheep for too long. 

When you got to the gallery, you were welcomed by a sight that surprised you, and not in a good way. Where you were used to sitting every day for the past two years was another girl. She was pretty, and you bet she was wonderful, but at that very moment, all you saw was that somebody replaced you. 

You swiftly unlocked the door and walked in, the girl standing up immediately to greet you with a shy smile and a wave. You couldn’t be a complete bitch to her, after all, this was way above her pay grade. So, you just nodded and strode towards the offices where the director sat. 

“Good morning, Ms Y/L/N. I see you have met Laura, our new receptionist. And before you say anything, I just wanted to tell you that we appreciate everything you had done for this gallery for so long and that we thought it was time for you to learn some other skills, as you are more than capable of that,” he smiled warmly, and you weren’t sure if it was a nice way of saying you were let go of, or if you were promoted. 

“What does that mean, Mr Jones?” You asked incredulously, not really in the mood to search in between the lines. 

“You have become my personal secretary, Ms Y/L/N. Congratulations! I know you have the aspiration of becoming a curator, so, this way, you could get a little closer to art even though there is still some way to go, naturally,” he winked and chuckled, and you let yourself relax with the news. 

Wow! Your life was already taking a turn for the better, and all you had to was to go with your gut and risk a little. You wanted to laugh out loud at the universe and its mysterious ways of working. But, thinking of mysterious, your mind suddenly pictured Steve and his devilish smirk, and your smile faltered. 

“And may I ask, why now? Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for the chance, and I will do my best to succeed in expectations. I just wonder what happened that the chance has come now?” 

Mr Jones scratched the back of his neck, and you gritted your teeth. You already knew that it wasn’t the universe praising you for your bravery. No, this had nothing to do with the universe. 

“More things have come together, to be quite honest, Ms Y/L/N. First, my long-time secretary left for her maternity leave a few weeks ago, as you might remember, and I have been looking for her replacement ever since. And I forgot what an amazing student we had here, who is already established with the clients and with our partners, and that this will be a win-win situation for everybody. And your fiancée was quite adamant that your resumé is remarkable and that I should give you a chance,” he smiled and piled gathered in your throat. 

How Steve managed to persuade Jones to do this was beyond you when you left him only a few hours ago, most of which were during the night, so there wasn’t much room for negotiation between the parties. You just hoped people wouldn’t start treating you differently when they realised your affiliation. That was the only thing you obviously didn’t think through: the opinion of the society. And since the New York society had been one of the most judging and selective ones even back in the 19th and 20th century, you knew not that much has changed since. People were afraid of Steve, with a good reason too, and now they might become frightened of you too. Fucking awesome. 

“I want to assure you that my fiancée won’t be present in my work life, however notorious he is,” you tried to sound as confident in what you were saying as you could, but you weren’t sure if you were doing a good job. But Mr Jones just smiled and sat down, signalling for you to sit down opposite of him, and he started talking about business and about what the job actually was. And while you tried to give him your full attention, there was this angry voice in your head, ready to bite Rogers’ head off. He would meet your famous wrath sooner than you thought, but it was all his fault anyway. 

The job was, actually, quite impressive. As your boss told you, you got to meet several artists already, you could sit in the meeting where they decided what kind of art the gallery was interested in, and you soaked all that in like a sponge. You were radiating by the end of the day, and the wrath subsided a little, but only till the moment, you saw a black SUV parked in front of the gallery and one of the turtlenecks standing beside it. 

You decided that if Steve could do what he wanted, so could you and so you walked in the opposite direction than was the car, leaving the turtleneck yelling your name and running after you. But you ignored him completely, even when he reached you and patted your shoulder, slightly bewildered that you recognised him and still decided not to do as he said. Oh, these obnoxious mobsters needed to learn that they couldn’t get everything they wanted. 

“Miss Y/L/N, please, you need to come with me. Mr Rogers is waiting for you in the car,” he said, and you finally stopped and looked him deep in the eyes while you folded your arms across your chest. You hoped you looked intimidating, but since the guy was wearing a pair of sunglasses you couldn’t be entirely sure whether it worked. But you didn’t relent and just stared him down, and when he shifted uncomfortably, you knew you were winning this contest. 

“Would you please come with me? Mr Rogers hates to wait,” he mumbled the last thing, and you would have snickered if you weren’t so determined to be the tough guy there. It was only when you heard other footsteps somewhere behind you, and the guy in front of you actually flinched that you realised the big boss himself was there to get you. 

“No, Mr Rogers really doesn’t like to wait, Y/N. Is this the way to treat your fiancée?” Steve asked when he reached you, and you shuddered from the poisonous undertone in his voice. Safe to say, it might not have been the best strategy to try and walk away from him, but you had decided for it once, and now you were gonna stand by your decision. 

“Oh, I don’t know, darling,” you hissed but continued before he could comment on your behaviour, “is intimidating my boss to give me a promotion a way to treat me? You really think you have control over everything and everyone, Steve, but let me tell you something. This is my fucking life, and you have no fucking right to march in and do as you please!”

He just raised a brow, and his nostrils flared before you felt his hand on your upper arm, squeezing it so tightly you were sure your arm wasn’t getting any blood. But you didn’t want him to win, which would definitely happen if you pleaded with him, so you just gritted your teeth and stared him down. Steve nodded at the guys around him to leave you two, and they took a few steps back, sure enough to protect their boss but to give him at least some privacy with you. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me in that tone, huh? I think you’ll understand soon enough that disobedience is punished greatly here, honey! So, stop acting like a brat who gets off from causing scenes in public and come with me. And, for your information, this is a fucking order, and I dare you to move from me again,” Steve spat in your ear, and you trained your eyes on the ground. 

Well, not your best idea, you had to admit that, and you valued your own head enough to just shut up and follow him. And by following him, you meant walking beside him because Steve obviously didn’t trust you enough to let go of your arm, even if his grip loosened slightly. 

He thrust you in the car with a force that could scare many, but it only just slightly surprised you. When he finally sat down next to you, he bid the driver to just go and stared out of the window, not addressing you in any shape or form, and you huffed in annoyance. 

“Look, Steve, you brought me here for a reason, so what do you want? I thought we agreed to meet tomorrow and not today, in broad daylight in front of my job.”

“Show some respect!” He roared, and you saw the eyes of the bodyguards, or whatever they were, flick towards you in fear. It was funny how such huge men were clearly so afraid of one of them. You remained calm, however, and just remained looking at him. Then you realised something. He didn’t mind your mouth the night before that much when the two of you were alone, but he couldn’t stand it when people were around. He needed to be the man, his people needed to know that nobody treated him differently and that not even his future wife could disobey him, let alone publicly. You swallowed your pride and shifted your gaze elsewhere. 

“I’m sorry, Steve, I’ve had a long day, and I’m taking it on you now. I just wished you spoke to me before you called my boss, but still, thank you for the opportunity,” you muttered meekly, and the triumphant look on Steve’s face spoke volumes. He just hummed and patted your shoulder, his own shoulders slacking and relaxing. These people were so easy to read, you were actually quite astounded that they weren’t played like violins by some secret agents or something like that. Well, you thought, at least you could play them, and it would make your life a little easier if you did it well enough. 

“I came because we needed to discuss more things, honey. I had a pressing matter to attend to yesterday so I couldn’t stay longer, but I have the whole afternoon reserved just for you today, so we can go over all the parts of our agreement in great detail and that we can start planning our wedding,” he flashed you a smile, and it was your time to tense up because if you were to have a wedding soon, which was clearly something Steve wanted, you needed to get a move on and that stressed you out. The arrangement might have been just for a year, but you knew that Steve’s wedding was supposed to be magnificent, showing all that he obtained and all that the mere mortals couldn’t have. You included. 

But then you realised something. 

“Sure, but I need to take care of something first if you don’t mind,” you added quickly seeing the mobster next to you tensing up again. “As I no longer work at Joey’s pub, I need to get my things from there. My boss called me this morning telling me that I still had my work shoes and other stuff there and that I should pick it up or they’ll throw it away.” 

“Just give the address to the driver, we’ll get it, and then we’ll go to my place- oh, excuse me- our place and discuss what we need,” he said simply, and you followed his orders. 

The rest of the drive was silent, and you could unwind a little, reminisce about the 24 hours you have had. From taking the subway anywhere you needed to, to driving in an armoured SUV with the most prolific mafia boss of the USA, your life took quite the turn. You needed to set some boundaries with Steve, but you needed to do it tactfully and, most importantly, alone. You hadn’t known him at all, but you knew the type. There would be reasoning with him as long as he thought he had a free choice and knew that his position wasn’t neither threatened nor questioned.  

This was a part of your agreement that you actually didn’t mind. Joey’s pub was not the fanciest of places in New York and while some of the customers were lovely and tipped well, the weekend sort was made of sleazy assholes who would touch you without your permission and not having to be around them would definitely be something you could get used to. 

The boss who’s name wasn’t Joey, surprise, surprise, but Thomas, nodded your way when you came in. The pub was only half full, but the odour of mixed sweat, beer and vomit was ever the same. Gosh, how you couldn’t wait to be out of there. 

Taking the places of the little box by the box with beer cans, you scanned the supply closet one last time and nodded as a goodbye. However, when you turned around, you bumped into somebody, and it sent you flying back a bit as you didn’t expect anybody to be there with you. You looked up to see Thomas standing there, looking pissed. 

“Funny! I never knew you were on the market, pussycat. And now I find out you are newly engaged and to Mr Rogers no less? I thought you said you didn’t want a relationship,” he sneered as he neared you and you instinctively took a step back. That he had a crush on you, you knew, and you told him multiple times that you weren’t interested, that you weren’t looking for a boyfriend and that you just wanted to be left alone. You scoffed at his immature behaviour now and tried to push around him without saying a word because you knew there was no talking to people like him. But he wouldn’t let you go, of course. 

“Maybe if I fucked you, you would see that I deserve you just as much, huh?” He hissed and took your already sore arm, yanking you towards him till you were pressed tight against his chance. You still remained calm, knowing that trashing and screaming would get you nowhere. 

“Let me go, Thomas. Steve is outside, and he is waiting for me, so I suggest you take your disgusting hands off of me and just let me go,” you tried to reason, but, again, there was no such thing with dumbasses like him. What was more, he probably didn’t like your remark about his disgusting hands, and so, without warning, he slapped you right across your left cheek. 

That made you gasp for the first time because till then, you really thought he was just playing and that he would let you go, but now seeing the bewildered look on his face, you suddenly realised that maybe you didn’t have the upper hand in the argument. 

“Like fuck he is, what would Rogers do in these parts, huh? I bet it wasn’t even him who called me last night and that you were just trying to get the upper hand. But guess what, you fucking whore, you are not getting out of here until I fuck you unconscious,” he roared and you gulped, trying to think of possible escape routes. But you were in a fucking supply closet, so there was literally just the one door, and Thomas was occupying the whole space in front of it. So, you’d just have to fight your way through. You were a little rusty, but this big-bellied idiot would stand no chance. 

But before you had the opportunity to execute your plan, the door behind him flew open and revealed one fo the turtlenecks (you made a mental note to actually learn their names because this was just awkward) and a very angry-looking Steve. 

Thomas faltered in his movement towards you and checked who had the audacity to interrupt him. The shock and fear on his face were priceless. 

Steve didn’t waste any more time as he lunged himself at the man and punched him straight in the nose, and the sickening crack you heard must have meant Steve broke it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care enough to pity Thomas. You warned him, even though you didn’t expect Steve actually coming to your rescue. There were some advantages to being tied to him, it seemed. 

The turtleneck then took Steve’s place by Thomas, probably so that he wouldn’t escape and Steve marched towards you, still looking too pissed for you to stand calmly under his searching gaze. 

“Did he hurt you?” He sneered but didn’t wait for your reply as he checked your face, seeing your puffed left cheek which told him all he needed to know. The bruise already forming on your arm was both from him and from Thomas, so he didn’t comment on that, but Steve wiped the trickle of blood in the corner of your mouth before he turned around and now calmly walked towards Thomas. 

“Next time that degenerated brain of yours even thinks of her, I will come and slice your throat. Am I clear?” Steve spat into Thomas’s face who just nodded, probably glad that he got out of it so easily. What he didn’t see coming (and to be honest, neither did you) was the turtleneck suddenly pulled out a big-ass knife out of somewhere and the air filled with the bone-chilling cries as he cut Thomas’ finger off as if it was the most normal thing to do before he wiped the knife on Thomas’s shirt and tucked it back in his pocket. The blood flowing from the wound was thick and almost purple, and you had to shut your eyes at the scene. But the image was already seared into your brain forever. 

“Fucking rapist,” Steve said and kicked the already laying man, motioning to the turtleneck and you that you were to follow him. But your legs weren’t listening to your brain, as you were just watching Thomas writhing in pain, wailing and sobbing, and all that because he dared to touch you. An involuntary shudder shook your body, and it as only when you felt an arm around your torso, pulling you to the person’s side that you woke up. Steve didn’t say anything as he came back and wrapped his arm around you, walking you out of there, probably used to that people were dazed when they saw that much blood. And that was just a cut-off finger, how would it look if a person actually bled out there?

“Here, have a piece of chocolate, it should help you,” Steve whispered into your ear as he handed you a little piece when you finally made it to his car, and you took it without question, savouring the sweet taste on your tongue as it streamed into your system like the most delicious medicine. You took a deep breath, your brain recognising that it was a different environment and that the stench of the pub was long gone as was the blood. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” you heard yourself saying meekly, but there was no reprimanding him, there was no anger in your voice and Steve heard that. He knew it was the shock of the scene talking because you weren’t one of them. You didn’t see blood on an almost daily basis as he did and you had the right to be surprised. 

“I actually had to, Y/N. He touched you, he hurt you and nobody hurts what’s mine. And you are mine now or will be very soon, and I can’t have dickheads like him running around the city thinking they are invincible. You are under my protection, and the whole world has to realise that,” he tried to make you see his point, and when you nodded solemnly, he saw you understood it. You might not have been ok with it, but that was another thing, and that would take time. Steve hoped people wouldn’t be so dumb and try anything on you, but, the truth be told, inwardly he knew he would have to protect you more often than not because some people had a death wish. 

“Are you up to discussing our marriage, or do you want me to drive you home?” He asked, and you looked at him for the first time since the pub scene. You shook your head and chuckled a little, not understanding where was this coming from. It was apparent that there were many layers to Steve Rogers, but his mood swings were giving you a headache already. One second he was the infamous mobster and the other he impersonated a caring boyfriend? 

“I’m fine, Steve, thank you. I was just taken by surprise because I thought I would have to take him down myself, and I probably wouldn’t cut off his finger in the process, but we all do our things. I’m good for a discussion, if you are,” you gave him your best encouraging smile and Steve stared at you in disbelief for a moment before he averted his eyes towards the driver and gave him a signal that he was to take you two to Steve’s mansion. 

Three hours later, you regretted your decision greatly. Steve and you had been talking the whole time, trying to reach a compromise that would be suitable for both of you considering your marriage and your wedding. You were quite surprised when Steve came up with things that were up for discussion because you really thought he would just come with a set of rules for you to follow, and that would be it. Well, the set of rules was there, but so were other things, like where you’d like to live (it was either the New York mansion which he called the apartment or some villa he had in Hamptons, apparently), what were the countries he could take you (which was actually a nice touch) and others. You didn’t give a damn about a lot of the stuff, but the countries were something that caught your attention. 

“I would love to visit different places, that’s beyond doubt, but I do not wish to be taken to California, ever,” you insisted, and while Steve tried to inquire why it was that California was on your hard-no list, you wouldn’t budge. You just told him that you weren’t a fan of the hot weather and the swarm of people you heard was in LA and that it was the only place where you wouldn’t go with him, under no circumstances. After a while, he gave up and just jotted it down with a nod. 

“Now, to the sex thing, do you want it on paper that I don’t want you in this way or are you good with my word?” 

You felt your cheeks heating up, but you tossed your pride away again. This was a business meeting, and Steve was actually extremely honest with you, so the best you could do was to be frank with him as well. 

“I’m good with your word, thank you for asking. What I’d like on paper is that you won’t trade me with information. I don’t wanna wake up one morning to be chained by some of your pistol-buddies who wanted to fuck Steve’s wife,” you raised a brow, and Steve chuckled and licked his lips, which was something that got your attention. You snapped at your brain to stop the thought flooding your brain, and a part of you considered putting licking his own lips around you on the hard-no’s list for a second. 

“Alright, I will never do that, and I will put that in our contract. Now, have you decided where you want to live? And no, your own apartment isn’t an answer. I’m willing to pay the expenses so that your friends can stay there, but you are coming to live with me, either here or in Hamptons. So, which one is it?” 

“Here,” you answered after a while, “I have my job here so I can’t be going back forth to Hamptons every day. Speaking of my job, will you require my presence at every meeting? I’m just asking if I even have a chance attaining my job as is, or if I should quit now because you will never let me go there again.” 

“I would have let them fire you if I thought about not letting you work there anymore, now, wouldn’t I? Most of the meetings that I will need you are at night, so your work is fine. I hope your boss will give you enough vacation days because we will need those, but other than that, I think you will be fine at the gallery. Besides, I’ve assigned a personal bodyguard for you who will go everywhere with you, so you won’t have to worry about anybody attacking you,” he concluded, looking proud of himself. You, on the other hand, were bewildered. 

“A personal what now? Steve, I can’t just show up at work with some huge guy in all black following me everywhere I move. I saw the looks from some of my coworkers, and they would never accept me if I had a bodyguard, c’mon,” you were desperate now because just the thought made you shudder. 

“This is not negotiable, so just learn to live with it. Alright, I think that’s all from that, and we will both sign it before the wedding. Now, the wedding will be next week. I already hired planners, so that the only thing you need to care about is the wedding dress. It’s just for a show, and if it were up to me, we would just go to the city hall, but the world needs to see this wedding, so we’re doing it in the Weylin. Write down your favourite colours and flowers, the cake will be red velvet, and that’s not negotiable, but everything else you want, you write down, and the planners will do it. Also, write down all the guests you’d like to invite, family and all that, so we know how many guests we’re having,” Steve rambled on, but your mind wandered towards your family. 

None of them would be attending the wedding, and your heart gave a painful tug at the thought. You had always wanted your dad to walk you down the aisle, and he was so excited to do so, but now that wasn’t possible. And your beautiful mother… The memories made your eyes water, but you blinked the tears away quickly enough so that Steve wouldn’t see them. But he was used to reading people, so he saw your reaction to him mentioning a family very clearly, he just decided against commenting on it. Yet. 

“Alright, I’ll send you all the lists by Saturday, if that’s good enough, and I’m actually good with red velvet. It would be a problem if you said some cakes with loads of nuts because I’m extremely allergic to a majority of those, you should know about that, but red velvet is fine enough,” you nodded, and Steve did as well, glad he didn’t have to fight you on that one. Not that it would be a fruitful fight since the red velvet was his favourite type of cake on Earth. 

“I want you to move in before the wedding, I’ll have a room set up for you tomorrow, and you can bring whatever you want from your home. You will have access to my credit card, but I’m warning you, excessive spending will not be tolerated, alright?” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes but bowed your head in mocked understanding. Steve had obviously spent his life with women only caring about the sum on his credit card, while you couldn’t care less. The card would be good for the wedding dress, but that was about it. You realised a long time ago that the fashion industry was one of the most dangerous ones for the environment, and while you still shopped from time to time, you tried to reduce it to a minimum. And if you did shop, you loved local stores and fair-trade manufacturers, who vowed to keep the well-being of the planet their number one priority. 

“I’ll take it that you understood it. Fine, so, you’ll move in tomorrow, I think my people can manage it till that. So, they’ll pick you up, let’s say, around 8 PM? That enough time?” 

You blinked and took the information in. He wanted you to move in tomorrow. Not in a week so you’d have time to actually pack and say goodbye to your friends, even if you still planned on meeting them every other day or so. You wanted a goodbye sleepover where you’d just laugh and drink and hope that the year would be a good one. Or, at least, not a disastrous one. 

“That’s definitely not enough time, Steve. Can’t it wait till next week? I need to say goodbye to my friends, and it’s already late, so we can’t do it tonight and just… Give me at least till Saturday evening, Steve, please,” you tried to bargain, and while you saw he wasn’t the greatest of fans, he agreed eventually. That ended your discussion, and you were soon driven away from the house you would soon call yours.

/ Next Chapter >

Taglists in reblogs :) xx

[svtwritess]

finally- hjs

⇨ word count: 7.9k

⇨ genres: fluff, smut, some angst

⇨ pairing: joshua x female reader (though there’s no feminine pronouns or nicknames used!)

⇨ friends to lovers au

⇨ warnings: mentions of food, swearing, sexual content (oral, hickeys, light biting but not really idk), unprotected sex (please use protection kids please❤️)

You waited in your car in front of the office building you worked at, anticipating the arrival of your best friend who you always walked into work with. You and Joshua used to have the exact same title. You worked on the same floor, ate lunch at the same time, and even sat at the same desk. For six months, you spent nearly every working moment together, often goofing around and chatting even when you should be working. Your boss never suspected the two of you, though, as you still got all of your work done properly and on time. 

However, a couple of weeks ago, you got promoted. You used to work on the second floor with Joshua, but your promotion forced you to move up to the sixth floor. You had your own office, which was good because you wouldn’t want to share a desk with anyone else in that building, but the worst part was that your lunch time got moved to an hour later than it was before. So, simply put, you rarely ever saw Joshua at work anymore and it upset the both of you greatly. You both accepted it, though, as Joshua and yourself knew that it was for the betterment of your career (and your salary). 

You felt your heart jump when you saw Joshua’s sleek black car pull into the parking lot. He had been saving his money and finally splurged on a new one when his 2008 clunker finally broke down on him. You were happy for him and needless to say, he looked super sexy driving it. 

You got out of your car, shut the door and locked it before heading over to where Joshua had parked just a few spots over from you. 

Your heels clicked as Joshua got out of his car as well. His platinum hair was parted down the center and it was fluffy, framing his face perfectly. He wore a white, long sleeve button up, black slacks accompanied by a belt, black loafers and a nice watch that looked to be way nicer than he could afford. You swallowed, loving yet hating how amazing he looked in work clothes. 

“Good morning!” he exclaimed happily, a small smile making its way onto his face upon seeing you. “Ready for another grueling day of doing something that contributes almost nothing to society for a less than satisfactory paycheck?” he asked, hugging you from the side. You laughed as you hugged him back and began walking toward the building. 

“Sadly yes, I’m numb to it at this point.”

“Yeah, me too.” he chuckled as the automatic doors to the building opened for the pair of you. 

You headed for the elevator and Joshua pressed the “up” button. You were already dreading saying goodbye for the day, as the ride to the second floor took less than 30 seconds. 

“Are you sure you can’t take an early lunch or something? I miss you.” he said casually as you stepped into the elevator. You tried not to smile too widely at his words, knowing he meant them in a purely platonic way.

“As I’m pretty new to the position, I don’t think I should be too pushy about my schedule just yet. But trust me, I wish I could.” you pushed the “2” button followed by the “6” button and waited for the doors to close. 

“Yeah, I know. Guess I’ll just keep eating with Mia,” he replied and you nearly cringed at the thought of him eating with her; she just so happened to be extremely pretty. “She’s nice, just doesn’t say much.” he shrugged and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. You were just happy she wasn’t flirting with him or anything like that. 

The doors opened and you frowned as Joshua stepped out and turned to face you. 

“So long,” he said dramatically as he sent you a theatrical, yet relatively sarcastic, look as the doors closed. 

“Bye Joshua.” you laughed as the elevator closed and blocked him from view, your lonely ascent to the 6th floor beginning. Once you arrived, you trudged to your office and attempted to mentally prepare for another long day without Joshua.

Okay, so you had a gigantic crush on him if it wasn’t obvious, but how could you not? Working with the sweetest, funniest, most reliable, humble, and attractive guy you’d ever met almost everyday for 6 months was bound to have an affect on you. You never told him, though. You knew that he was out of your league, and that being said, you also didn’t want to risk ruining your friendship, and thus, you kept your feelings to yourself. 

Your day was full of meetings and your boss grilling you about if you had done the things on her extraordinarily long to-do list. You told her that you had done most of it and would try to get everything done by the end of the day. She was less than excited about the fact that you used the word “try”, but simply stressed you that you get it done before finally leaving you alone. 

She left at 4, an hour before you were supposed to, and you were happily able to tell her that you were almost done with the tasks she had given you. She gave you a smile, which was pretty impressive for her, and you continued working. 

You were typing away on your computer, and had been for the better part of an hour without realizing it, when there was a knock at your door. You looked up and saw Joshua entering your office, the butterflies in your stomach beginning to swarm. 

“Hey?” you questioned. He normally never came up to your office. 

“It’s almost 5:20 and you didn’t meet me downstairs, so I figured I should check up on you.” 

“Oh, is it? I didn’t even notice.” you sighed and leaned back in your chair. 

“Busy day?” he asked as he walked into your office, placing one his thigh on top of your desk and leaning on it with his arm.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” you groaned, “but with great power comes great responsibility.” he smiled down at you sweetly, wishing he could take some of your workload from you. 

“Well how about you relinquish your power for today,” he turned off your monitor, “and let me walk you to your car?” you smiled back at him and nodded. Your work was saved automatically, so you shut down your computer and gathered your things before standing up and leaving your office, your best friend in tow. 

“Any plans tonight?” he asked as you made your way to the elevator. 

“Just a warm shower, very comfortable pajamas, and maybe some Netflix. What about you?” you answered honestly as you pressed the “down” button, the door opening immediately. 

“I think the guys wanna come over and play video games or something. You should come over too, we’re getting pizza, and you love pizza.” he said matter-of-factly, but you just laughed as you both stepped inside. 

“That’s very true, but I can get my own. Enjoy the guy's time though, you deserve it.” you patted Joshua’s shoulder before pressing the “1” button and watching the doors close. The elevator ride and walk to your car was comfortably silent. You reached your less than impressive vehicle and stopped, turning to face Joshua. Before you could speak, he asked you a question. 

“Hey… why do you always say no when I ask you to hang out?” he said shyly, playing with the end of one of his shirt sleeves. 

“It’s the reason that I always give you,” you shrugged. “I know you have friends other than me, so I want you to have fun with them without me intruding.”

“Well yeah, I get that, but now that we don’t work together anymore...” Joshua reached up to grab your waist and pull you closer, but he stopped himself before you could notice. “Look, I’m just saying, we would all love it if you joined us sometime, so think about it okay?” he asked kindly and you nodded. 

“I will. Promise.” you nodded. “But for now, there is a steaming hot cup of tea and a reclining couch in my future.” 

“Next time then,” he said rather dejectedly. “I’ll call you later, okay?” You nodded as you got in your car and bid each other goodbye. 

As you drove away, you wondered when you would finally take Joshua up on his offer. Maybe subconsciously you thought that meeting Joshua’s other friends or going to his apartment would make things between the two of you more serious. You thought maybe something would happen that would set your feelings for him in stone.

You were hesitant to say it was love, though, as even when you worked together you didn’t see each other outside of work much. It was probably because you were together for 40 hours a week anyway. You’d only ever gone to a bar or a restaurant after work 5 or 6 times, and you always thought that that was enough. If you thought there was even a slight chance that he would return your feelings for him, then you’d have no problem with things between you changing, but you knew he didn’t, and even if he did, you were too scared of confessing to him to find out. You had never been in love before, but what you felt for Joshua was certainly the closest you had ever come to it. 

You parked in your assigned spot and turned your car off before heading up to your apartment. Though your thoughts had depressed you slightly, you got excited when you remembered Joshua would be calling you later. 

When you got your promotion, you started calling Joshua at night and you told him that it was to talk about how each other’s days went, and it kind of was, but you mostly just wanted to hear his voice. Admittedly, it was one of your favorite things about him. Not only did he have incredible biceps, wide-set shoulders, an amazingly slender waist, pecks that were easily big enough for a bra, an exquisite complexion, and plush, pillow-like lips that his smooth, honey voice dripped off of. 

Your thoughts of Joshua put you in such a daze that you were barely aware of the fact that you were already in your bathroom preparing to take a shower. You took off your clothes and turned the water on high heat before stepping in.

Hands. You had forgotten Joshua’s hands. His palms were large and his fingers the perfect length for.... sexual things you often thought about. You wondered how much better you shower would’ve been if only he was with you…

You tried to shake the thoughts out of your head as you washed yourself as quickly as you could, longing to put on your coziest pajamas and vege on your couch. 

You hopped out of the shower, dried off and padded into your room. You hung your towel on the corner of your door and threw on your favorite shirt and pajama pants. You ran a comb through your hair and completed the steps of your skincare routine, happy that it was finally time to do absolutely nothing. 

You boiled some water and made a cup of tea to calm you down for the night and put on an episode of the show you had recently started binging. You often wished you had the courage to invite Joshua over to simply do nothing with you, as it was one of your favorite hobbies, but you were afraid of what you might do or say in the comfort of your own home, and were even more afraid of getting rejected. 

As you sipped your tea, you felt your eyes begin to grow heavy. Though each time they closed for too long, you shook yourself awake, as you realized your phone hadn’t rang yet. 

When the episode ended, you made the decision to head into your room. After putting your mug in your sink and turning everything off, you climbed into bed. It was already 11:00pm, so you hoped Joshua would be calling soon. You played games on your phone to pass the time, until finally, a familiar ringtone filled your ears.

“Hi.” you answered the call almost too excitedly. 

“Well hi there,” you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Did you have a good night?” you asked, also smiling on instinct. 

“I did, the guys got too loud though, so had to end the party early.”

“Was it Vernon or the one who thinks he’s a tiger? Those are the only two I know.” you asked and he laughed out loud; you could just see the cute eye smile he had when he laughed really hard. 

“It was the tiger, actually. Good job. How was your night?” 

“Oh, you know, did exactly what I said I was gonna do. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, though.” you played with the blanket that rested across your legs, remembering how you’d wished he was with you.

“Really? Why not?” he asked and you could hear the ruffling of bed sheets from his end of the call. You went back and forth between saying what you wanted to say and covering up your true emotions like you normally do, but you decided to reply with something in the middle of the two. 

“I don’t know… I guess I kinda wish I had taken you up on your offer to come over, but I definitely wouldn’t wanna play video games.” you said and he chuckled, but for once there wasn’t a trace of a smile on your face. You were nervous, as every time Joshua invited you over you wished you had said yes, this was just the first time you were admitting it to him. 

“Yeah, that doesn’t seem like you,” there was a long pause, “What… would you wanna do?” he asked ever so quietly, to the point that you almost couldn’t hear his voice. The question would normally sound innocent if you hadn’t been thinking about showering with him an hour or two prior, and something in his voice sounded sensual, like he was tempting you, trying to get you to confess something. Could he have been thinking the same things as you? 

“I-I don’t know, watch a movie or something,” you said as casually as you could, though you were sure the shake in your voice gave you away. Dammit, you thought. Why am I so stupid?

“Oh,” Joshua let out an awkward cough, “Yeah, that would be cool.”

You both just sat there in silence, in a very awkward silence. That never really happened to the two of you, one of you almost always had something to say and you hated the intensity of the current situation.

“I’m really tired, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” you told him, not sounding nearly as chipper as you did when you answered the phone. 

“Yeah… yeah you should do that. It’s really late.” he said and you could hear him pull the chain of what you assumed was a lamp before settling further into his bed. 

“Goodnight Josh.” you said sweetly, but hung up the call before you could hear his response. 

You, too, turned off the light that sat on your bedside table and curled up underneath your comforter. Tossing and turning, you tried to rid your mind of every dirty, sexual thought you’d had about your best friend that night. You don’t know what changed, but you were acting the complete opposite of how you usually forced yourself to act. You made an effort to never think about him provocatively, yet there you were, sexy Joshua thoughts galore, and you were beyond angry with yourself. You basically prayed that things would be normal between the two of you the next day.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, you were all Joshua could think about. The entire night, he’d wondered what it would have been like if you had accepted his offer and come over. How fun it would be to play video games with you, only letting you win when you were obviously frustrated. How happy it would make him to see you getting along with his 12 other best friends (he knew they would love you). How funny he would think it was when you bragged about the fact that you were able to eat more pizza slices than him, and how excited he would be sneaking you into his room, away from all the others, teasing you until you either begged him to fuck you senseless or pleaded for him to wait until everyone left. 

As much as his mind told him not to, he knew his body wouldn’t listen as his hand slid down his body until he reached his member that was already halfway hard at the mere thought of you. His mind ran wild thinking of how pretty your moans would sound, how painfully sexy you would look with your mouth around his member or your head thrown back into the pillows, and how beautiful you would look when it was all over.

You were a complete wreck. You had woken up late, seemingly taken way longer than usual to get ready, and you spilt the coffee you had brought from home all over your blouse when you pressed the brakes too hard at a red light. Thankfully you kept an extra shirt in your office, but that didn’t change the fact that you were frazzled beyond belief. 

You somehow managed to make it to work close to on time, but you didn’t bother to wait for Joshua. You had to get up to your office and change your shirt before the now cold coffee seeped through to your skin any further. 

Though, Joshua on the other hand, was patiently waiting in his car for you to arrive, and when he saw you walking at a fast pace, in a frustrated fashion with no sign that you would be waiting for him, he let out a defeated sigh and turned off his car. Was it his fault you were frustrated? Were you still upset at how awkward things had gotten last night? Did you somehow know about his wank session that involved endless imagery of you? He surely hoped it was none of those things, especially the last one, as he made his way up to his desk.

You changed into your spare shirt in the corner of your office as fast as you could, partially because you needed to start working as soon as possible and partially so that no one would see you. The shirt was white and much tighter than you remembered it being, almost to the point that it was uncomfortable, but you didn’t have time to have an issue with it. 

Low and behold, as soon as you sat down and turned your computer on, your boss entered your office. 

“Good morning, Y/N. Happy Friday.” she said professionally. 

“Happy Friday to you as well.” you replied, trying not to sound as out of breath as you were. 

“I have a big meeting on Monday in Chicago. I’ll be leaving on Sunday and unless you want to come in on a Saturday, I highly suggest you finish all of this today.” she said as she handed you a sheet of paper. It was a list that started at the very top of the page and went all the way down to the bottom. 

“M-ma’am, I know you need all of this done, but it’s quite a lot… I’m sure there’s someone else in the office that can take on some of these tasks and help get them done much faster than I could on my own.” you said as kindly as possible, though inside you were both boiling with rage and baffled by how much she was asking of you. 

“Now Y/N…” she stepped closer to your desk and raised her eyebrow, “I promoted you for a reason. Don’t make me regret it.” and before you knew it, she was turning on her heel and walking out the door.

As badly as you wanted to bury your face in your hands and cry from stress, you knew you didn’t have time for that. You went through the list and picked out the shortest tasks to do first and numbered those with a “1”, then you found all of the tasks that were on the computer and labeled those with a “2”, and finally you marked the longer tasks, such as going different places within the building and sorting through files, with a “3”. You felt much more confident after that. 

You worked quickly yet diligently up until lunch time, but you weren’t even done with the shortest tasks yet. As you scarfed down your lunch, you decided you would do the 3 tasks next instead of the 2’s. You figured you would be stuck at work for an extra hour or two, so you would rather walk around the building while it was still populated. 

You grabbed the files you needed and went up to the 8th floor, the top floor where your boss and other executives worked, and got a few signatures. Then, you went down to the 4th and 3rd floors to collect some forms that you needed to fill out and to get information on the meeting your boss was going to. Then you, rather begrudgingly, went down to the 2nd floor where the industrial copier was. There were a few papers that your boss needed 200 copies each of, and the tiny printer in your office wasn’t by any means capable of that.

On the elevator ride down, you tried thinking if there was a route you could take to avoid seeing Joshua at his desk, but you couldn't come up with one. Normally, you’d be ecstatic that you were able to go to his floor and would spend as much time as you could at his desk without getting caught, but you weren’t really sure if he wanted to see you after last night’s awkwardness, and frankly, you didn’t know if you wanted to see him either. 

When the elevator reached the 2nd floor, you stepped out and quickly walked to the room where the copier was with your head down. You walked by Joshua’s desk, but thankfully you didn’t think he noticed you. 

Once you reached the copier, you took out the 4 papers you needed and began scanning them for copies. You waited, and waited, your foot tapping impatiently, and when the machine began printing copies of the 4th paper, there was a light knock at the door. 

“Y/N?” Joshua’s sweet voice called out and you squeezed your eyes shut in defeat.

“Hey,” you replied quietly, though you stayed with your body turned toward the copier. 

“How are you?” he asked kindly, slowly making his way over to you. 

“Bad,” you chuckled at the unbelievability of it all, “What about you?” 

“Um, fine I guess. I missed you this morning…” he said and your brows furrowed.

“You were still in your car when I got here? I was almost late.” you told him, surprise evident in your voice and your eyes wide as you finally looked at him. He was wearing a white button up identical to the one from yesterday, but his pants were khaki instead of black like usual. His hair was styled off of his forehead and it wasn’t helping the state you were in at all. 

“Yeah, well I like you being the first person I see everyday. Makes the thought of going to work a little easier.” he shrugged and you felt like you could cry. How was he so fucking sweet?

“Thanks Josh, I just had a rough morning. I’ll do better next week, but right now I’ve gotta get these papers upstairs.” you said as you bent down to grab the gigantic stack of papers the copier had produced and held them tightly to your chest once you picked them up. You gave him a shy smile and, finally, went back to your office. 

You nearly threw the papers onto your desk and separated them, putting the pieces of paper in stacks with papers alike. You then sat down and began your computer tasks, though once you saw the time on your computer, a heavy weight fell on your shoulders. You only had half an hour of work left, and there was no way you were going to be able to finish everything in that time. Though, again, you shook it off and began working. 

You typed for the remainder of the work day, feeling as if your fingers were about to fall off. You had absolutely no concept of time at that point. Had it been 1 minute or 1 hour? You didn’t know, and before you knew it, you heard a tapping sound coming from the front of your office. 

“Y/N, come on. I walked alone this morning and I’m not about to walk alone now.” 

You buried your face in your hands and let out a very frustrated groan.

“I can’t leave!” you nearly yelled. “My boss gave me this stupid long to-do this morning and unless I wanna come in tomorrow, which I so don’t, I have to finish everything tonight, but it seems like the more I do the longer this list gets and- God this sucks.” you were on the verge of tears, your elbows on your desk and your hands in your hair. You looked down and closed your eyes, not wanting tears to fall in front of Joshua; he’d never seen you cry before. 

The room was silent for a moment, then you heard footsteps. 

“Hey,” Joshua said, squatting down in front of your desk. He moved your hands off of your head and placed your arms on your desk. Red-eyed and reluctantly, you looked at him. “I’m gonna help you, okay? You’ll get everything done tonight and you’ll get to sleep in tomorrow, I promise.” he smiled a toothless, genuine smile. “Let me go get my laptop, alright?” 

On a normal day, you would insist that he should go home, that it was a Friday night and that you knew he had plans and that he should go enjoy them, but you hadn’t been this stressed since you got promoted. That being said, you simply nodded and admired his figure as he exited your office. 

You began attaching the forms you needed him to fill out to an email as you waited. Even though it was on work terms, you were really excited to finally have some alone time with Joshua. You wished you were feeling more bubbly, for his sake, but he knew how to handle you in any state.

He came back with his laptop in one hand and a foldable chair in the other. He walked around to the side of your desk that you were on and set up the chair next to you before putting his laptop on your desk and turning it on. 

“Thank you, Joshua, really. I know you had plans tonight, so it means a lot that you’re helping me.” you told him, but he just nodded. He was always the type to help without feeling the need to be thanked, so he almost never said ‘you’re welcome’.

You were typing and clicking at a rapid pace, forwarding things to your boss and to her colleagues, making sure everyone that was going on the business trip had the information they needed. You weren’t exactly why you were the one getting things for a business trip that you weren’t even going on, but you didn’t question it as you wanted to keep your job. 

At around 9pm, you finally sent out your last email. You sighed loudly and slumped down in your chair dramatically with a blissful smile on your face. Joshua looked down at you and grinned.

“All done?” he asked and you nodded.

“I feel so much better.” you admitted and sat up straight again. You placed your elbow on your desk and rested your cheek in your hand, looking toward Joshua. “Are you almost finished? I can help you with the rest.” 

“Actually,” he clicked his mouse a few times before looking at you, “I’m done too.” he closed his laptop and stood up and you followed suit. You smiled ear to ear and bent down to turn off your computer. Joshua folded the chair he was sitting in and you gathered your things before finally exiting your office. All of the lights in the building were turned off, except the emergency lights, so it was relatively dark. 

“You know,” Joshua began as you made your way to the elevator, “the guys don’t even believe you’re real at this point.” you couldn't help but giggle. 

“Yeah? Because you keep saying I’ll come to things and then I don’t?” you asked and he let out a breathy laugh, entering the elevator with you by his side and pressing the “2” button. 

“I guess so… I must’ve made you sound too good to be true.” he looked over at you, but you kept your gaze on the elevator floor, hiding your blush. Was he playing some sort of game or were you still hypersensitive from the previous night? You figured if he had something to say he would just say it, but maybe he felt the same way as you in terms of not wanting to ruin your friendship… It felt like forever, but you eventually reached the second floor and made your way to Joshua’s workspace. 

He placed his laptop on his desk and you plugged it into the charger as he went to put the chair away. You leaned against his desk as you waited, not exactly sure where he went. You tapped your foot on the linoleum floor and soon Joshua was headed back toward you. Though, the way he was walking was strange. His head was down and he seemed to be twiddling his fingers in front of him.

When he reached you, you stood up straight, a look of concern on your face. 

“Are you oka-” 

“I love you.”

You blinked up at him. “What?”

“Uhh, I’m in love with you. I don’t know why I’m telling you this right now.” he said, avoiding your gaze. 

All you could do was stand still. Normally your body and mind reacted instinctively upon hearing things, but this time you were frozen. He finally looked you in the eyes and you felt your test tighten. 

“Why…” you pondered for a moment, “Why didn’t you say something last night?!” you threw your hands up in the air frustratedly and stepped away from him. His face went from nervous to confused as he turned to look at you. 

“What? Why would I have done that?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was horny out of my mind?” you raised your voice slightly, and he was looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. You looked at him for a moment, then sighed, burying your face in your hands. “Sorry, that was… anyway what I meant to say is that I like you too, a lot actually, love is just a really scary word and I’ve never been in love before so I didn’t want to word it that way and I’m not only interested in you physically, even though that’s how it sounded, it just would’ve been nice to know that yesterday because I’ve been like, really lonely for a while now and would’ve potentially, no, definitely wanted to hook up or something, but anyway that’s beside point-” 

“Y/N.” Joshua interrupted your extremely nervous ramble and walked up to you, your chests almost touching. He reached up and gently tilted your chin so you were looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. Before you could ask what he was doing, his lips were on yours.

You couldn’t believe it, but his lips felt even softer than they looked. His kiss was gentle, warm, and inviting, just as he was. 

You put your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, wanting to feel him against you as best as you could. His tongue slid into your mouth and his hands began roaming your body. He touched you everywhere he could, as if he’d thought about what he’d do this moment on an endless loop. His hands roamed your sides, squeezing your hips with a groan before moving up to your breasts.

“God this shirt…” he whispered into the kiss. You smirked against his lips as you leaned into his touch. 

“What about it?” you replied quickly, unable to believe how amazing his hands felt even over your blouse. 

“It’s so,” he bit your bottom lip as he pulled away from the kiss, “tight.” you moaned into the kiss as his hands travelled down your body once more. One stopped at your waist and the other continued to your ass. “These skirts are ridiculous too.” he sighed against your lips, pushing your lower half against his. You could feel him growing hard in his pants, his member prodding against your stomach only exciting you further. 

“What?” you laughed, “Are they too tight?” you raised your eyebrow. He smirked against your lips, reaching down and grabbing the back of your thighs before lifting you up and setting you on the desk. You placed a lingering kiss on his lips, “Because I’ll show you tight.” you joked and he chuckled, looking down at the floor.

“I don’t know why I thought you would be able to stay serious this whole time.” he kissed you again, only this time with more force. You kept one hand on the back of his neck and moved the other one to his chest, beginning to unbutton his dress shirt. With each button that came undone, more of his beautiful honey-colored skin was revealed. 

Once his front was fully revealed, you didn’t hesitate to run your hands across his perfectly sculpted chest and down his slender waist to rest on his belt buckle. He quickly untucked your shirt from your skirt and lifted it over your head, tossing it behind you. He unbuckled your bra with ease as he kissed you, almost aggressively pulling it off and tossing it to the side. When his hands finally touched your bare breasts, he let out a long sigh, his kisses becoming sloppier. 

“This is so much better than I imagined.” he grunted, the words going straight between your legs. You couldn’t use words to express how happy, and aroused, it made you to know that Joshua had just as sinful thoughts about you as you had about him. 

Joshua removed his hands from you to pull off his shirt. He dropped it at his feet and returned one hand to your breast, thumb roaming over your nipple as his other hand fiddled with the zipper on the side of your skirt. He tugged it down and you lifted your body enough so that he could pull it off. 

Suddenly he grabbed your hips and slid you forward, your crotch pressing against his. He leaned down and took one of your nipples in his mouth, grinding his hardened member against you. The pressure on your clit and the wetness of his mouth on your breast had you whimpering, your fingers threaded through his platinum locks. 

“J-Joshua, more,” you whined, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. He sat you up straight and your hands immediately went to work on his belt. Your hands shook slightly as you undid it, your excitement getting the best of you. As soon as it was unbuckled, you popped the button open and unzipped his pants as he quickly toed his shoes off. He kicked his pants off as well and shoved them under the desk with his foot. 

Your hand immediately went to palm his member over his boxers, a beautiful moan falling off of Joshua’s lips. He went from kissing your lips to your neck and you bit your lip, trying not to make the noises your body so desperately wanted to make. 

You sighed before reaching into Joshua’s boxers, beginning to stroke his length. He inhaled sharply at the feeling before letting out a shaky breath. When you reached the top of his cock, you ran your thumb over the tip, precum dripping down his shaft. 

“Y/N,” he moaned, “God I need to fuck you.” he let out a sigh as he rested his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. 

“Then do it.” you smirked, refusing to break eye contact as you slowly slid his boxers down his thighs. You placed a light kiss on his lips and shoved them the rest of the way down. He kicked them to where the rest of his clothes were before grabbing your hip with one hand and resting his other on the desk. He leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss, continuing to lean forward until you were laying flat against the cold wood. 

He kissed you sweetly as his hand travelled down your body, moving right past where you needed him most, to grip your thigh. You knew he was teasing you and you hated it. 

As soon as you went to complain, his lips were kissing your neck once more. He bit down gently on your skin before sliding his tongue over the wound. You let out a moan as he moved to another spot on your neck, repeating the process on another spot of supple skin. 

You moved your hands to his hair and pulled on it, arching into his touch. He then peppered kisses across your chest before moving to your breasts. He wrapped his mouth around one and his large hand encompassed the other. He sucked on your nipple before pulling on it with his teeth, the action going straight between your legs.

He sloppily kissed his way down your stomach, his hands moving down your legs and removing your heels. When he reached right below your navel, he slowly spread your legs. You were hesitant, being so exposed always made you nervous, but you were too far gone to even think of changing anything. 

He lightly blew on your clit, eliciting a loud moan to fall from your lips. Your back arched and you tugged on his hair, trying to pull him closer to your heat.  

“Tell me what you want.” though his voice sounded sweet, his tone was adamant. He stared at your pussy, glistening beautifully just for him. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting the opportunity to touch you, to feel you. 

“I,” he ran his finger along your heat, collecting your wetness and causing you to let out a shaky breath as he trailed his wet finger down your thigh. “I-I want your mouth.” you rushed. He continued gently roaming his finger all around your lower half, though purposefully avoiding your sensitive spot. 

“Want my mouth… where?” he pouted slightly as he looked up at you from between your legs. 

“Joshua please don’t make me-” he cut you off by slowly licking from your entrance to your clit. He lapped at your pussy, collecting your juices on his tongue before sucking on your clit. You breathed heavily as you grabbed at his hair, whimpers leaving your lips. He kitten licked at your heat as he slid one of his long fingers into you. 

“Oh my god yes,” you moaned breathlessly as he pumped it in and out of you. He soon added a second finger, curling them inside of you before pumping them a few times and repeating the process. The tips of his fingers hit your spot, and he knew it too. You clenched around his fingers and moaned louder than you had the entire night. 

“Joshua…” you said quietly, stopping his hand with yours. He looked up at you with wide eyes, thinking that he had done something wrong. You brought his fingers to your lips and Joshua bit his lip as he watched you suck them clean. You put your hand on the back of his head and crashed your lips to his, the taste of you still on his tongue. 

“What is it?” he whispered against your lips. You let your tongue explore his mouth as he slowly stood up. You reached down to stroke his length once more, Joshua bucking into your hand involuntarily.

“Wanna come on your cock.” you admitted and felt him smirk against your lips. You laid back down eagerly, Joshua leaning with you, continuing the kiss. 

He propped himself up on one elbow and moved his other hand in between your bodies, aligning his cock with your entrance. He kissed you passionately as he slid into you, a guttural moan falling from Joshua’s lips and a high-pitched one falling  from yours. He buried his face in your neck as you got used to the feeling of each other, the euphoria being better than you could have imagined. 

“Okay,” you exhaled and tapped his shoulder. He slowly pulled out of you and then slammed back in, repeating the slow yet menacing process until it was clear the both of you needed more. 

Joshua stood up straight, your hips tight in his grip, and quickened his pace. You could feel every inch of him, a light sweat covering your forehead. 

“Harder,” you pleaded, though your voice was barely audible.

Your wish was his command as he kept the fast pace, but began pounding into you mercilessly. With each thrust he hit your g-spot, causing your back to arch almost painfully.

“You feel so good baby,” he groaned, a quiet moan falling from your lips at the unexpected nickname.

Joshua couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and his ears worked hard to pick up every sound that fell from your lips. Your breasts bounced with each thrust and he could hear how wet you were; how wet he had made you. Other than how sinfully beautiful you looked under him, the fact that he was the one who was making you feel so good was driving him crazy. 

“I’m so close,” you whimpered, eyes closing as you relished in the feeling. One of Joshua’s hands moved from your waist to your clit, adding pressure as he thrusted into you. You cried out, grabbing his hand that was on your hip and digging your nails into it. 

“Look at me,” he demanded. As hard as it was, you opened your eyes and looked directly into his. There was hair sticking to his forehead and a few beads of sweat were rolling down his chest and you swore you could’ve come from the sight of him alone. 

The combination of Joshua’s cock thrusting into you at the perfect angle along with his finger on your clit and the face he made when you clenched around him was enough to throw you over the edge. You came around him, the calling out of his name accompanying your shaking body in its euphoric state. 

As soon as you came down from your high, Joshua pulled out of you and rubbed his length along your heat, cumming on your stomach with a loud moan. 

You laid there, sweaty and exhausted, your chest moving up and down rapidly. You reached up and ran your hands through your hair as Joshua opened one of his desk drawers. He pulled out a napkin and wiped his cum off of you before tossing it into the trash can. 

“Thank you,” you said shyly. He nodded and offered his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up toward him, a small smile on your face. 

“See I knew you were hot, but that was insane.” he pecked your lips as you laughed.

“Right back at you.” you moved a few of the hairs off of his forehead and admired his slightly dewy features. 

“Now I say,” he ran his hands down your bare sides, “we stay at your place tonight. Our first time having sex should be our first time spending the night together right? I would say we could go to my place, it’s kind of a mess.” he suggested, lacing his fingers together behind your back. You smiled up at him.

“I love you too.” you said and his face dropped.

“What?” he mirrored you with his words. 

“I love you too. I realized I never said it back to you before, but I do.”

Joshua remembered you mentioning not knowing what being in love feels like and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he made a face of realization. 

“It was the dick wasn’t it?” he questioned, causing you to let out a laugh.

“What’re you talking about?” you asked as you leaned back on your hands.

“Cause before you were all like ‘oh I don’t know what love is’ and now you’re saying you love me.” he impersonated you and now you were both laughing, specifically at the chances of it all. 

“It wasn’t just the sex… but I will admit it was the deciding factor.” 

“Well, I’m glad you decided to return the feeling.” the conversation ended as his eyes slowly made their way from your face to your neck. “I see I left my mark,” he ran his fingers over the few hickey’s he had left near your collarbones, “Sorry about that.” 

Your eyes fluttered shut at his touch, your skin seemingly more sensitive than it was before. “Stop touching me or I’m gonna try and fuck you again and I would like our next time to be outside of the office.” 

“So you mean like, at the park or something?” you opened your eyes and looked at him with a deadpan expression. He flashed you a dorky smile, but you just rolled your eyes, standing up to collect your clothing.

He tried to convince you that what he’d said was funny as the both of you got dressed, but you simply nodded and threw out an ‘mhm’ here and there. 

As you left the office, hand in hand for the first time, you decided to stop by Joshua’s apartment so he could pick up some clothes for the weekend (he didn’t plan on going home until he had to) and to drop off his car, then head over to your place. 

Once you arrived at your apartment, you took a somehow innocent shower together. Both of you were tired, but neither of you were through with feeling the other’s skin on your own. You took your time getting ready for bed, running a comb through your hair and applying moisturiser. You talked to Joshua and it felt like nothing had changed, you were still the best friends you were before, and you wondered if that meant you were in love with each other the entire time, maybe even before you ever realized you liked him. 

You settled into your bed, Joshua’s bare chest under your head. He ran his hand through your damp hair as your eyelids grew heavier. 

“So I guess we’re, what, together now?” he asked and you looked up at him.

“I’d like that if you would, yeah.” you said quietly, hoping that after your evening the two of you were on the same page. 

“More than anything.” 

He kissed your forehead and you returned to your spot on his chest, a thankful, thoroughly pleased smile on your face as you drifted off to sleep. 

a/n: hi.. sooooo this is my first time writing a ~lengthy one shot and also my first time writing smut and i kNOW that it’s not very GOOD but i tried ok i promise i Will get better but yeah this is like 2/10 stars so i apologize :( i hope if anything that you guys like the storyline and/ or the dialogue or idk i hope you guys at least like one aspect about it sdjlsfjlkjsdf this was a bit rushed so admittedly it could be better but truthfully i got really excited about writing it ANYWAY!! i chose to write this based on the results from the writing preferences survey i have pinned! so if you wanna fill it out if you haven’t that would be super :^) again i hope you guys liked this and thank you so so much for reading <3