#you can’t say fiction is fiction then get mad at other fictional things that cross line for you

[buggyandthebartoclub]

Idk how to say this but it’s hypocritical to say it’s all fiction, no thought policing, etc etc when it’s about stuff you’re horny for but not for the things you’re not horny for.. In both writing and art..

*shrugs* idk some of y’all kinda give rules for thee not for me w it. Idk. Just reflecting on things

[livelaughlovesubs]

Heeeeya, Nini! How's it going? I can't believe its already been a year! I've been here since before that time you accidentally deleted your blog XD. Congrats! you've dominated the sub! bsd tag for forever and I'm living for it XD. For the event, can I please request Fyodor (bsd) with the prompt, 'Keeping their hands bound to make basic tasks difficult or impossible. Bonus: punish them for failing or making a mess'. Bro, I have an inability to be all that sadistic, even in fiction TwT, so for the punishment part, can I request something like tickling? Is that allowed?! LMAO- As always, feel free to delete/decline this if it makes you uncomfy, and have an awesome day. And again, congrats on one year!

AHHHHH DONT REMIND ME OF THAT TIME can’t believe how dumb I was 🥲 but thank you for being a long time follower hehe, the idea with tickling is very cute I love it

Dom!reader x sub!fyodor - reader is gn

Warning: humiliation, teasing, a tiny bit of degrading, tickling >:)

Anniversary event

Thud thud thud

Someone was hammering on your door in the middle of the night, and they just didn’t stop. You’ve been trying to ignore it for the past minutes, but the sound only got louder.

Thud thud thud

“Ahhhh which fucker is it?!” In the end, you gave in and cursed, stomping to the front door before opening a small crack. “What is-” to your surprise you knew the person behind the door, it was fyodor, your boyfriend. “Huh?? Fedya? Why didn’t you use the bell?” You immediately swung the door open and invited him in, he gave you a bashful smile before entering. Then you shut the door behind him.

“You see…” he said, while he let his coat slip from his shoulders, revealing his hands which were bound tightly behind his back. “It proved to be pretty difficult to ring the bell three times, so I thought kicking the door would suffice.” That was the secret code you two agreed on, so that you’d know if it was him who’s standing on your doorway. “Ah…” you stared at his restricted limps, then at him, giving him a questioning glance. He didn’t provide any explanation or answers.

The male turned around to face you, who were still standing next to the door. “Well? Aren’t you going to help me?” He rushed you, but kept his soft smile. “Actually no, not yet.” You replied, crossing your arms in font of your chest. That attitude, were you mad with him? “…y/n, what do you want.” Finally he dropped the good-guy act, seemingly irritated by your behaviour. Normally you’d help without being this difficult, except when you aren’t in a good mood, something that seems to be the case here.

You walked past him and sat down on the couch, making yourself comfortable before saying, “bring me the remote.” Fyodor looked a tad baffled, though he didn’t think too much about it and walked to the shelf to the left of you, pondering for a moment on how to grab it, before using his mouth to bite the object. Then he brought it to you like an obedient puppy, right into your hand and cheeks flushed a bright shade of red. “Good job.” You praised him, scratching the underside of his chin a bit, intensifying his blush.

“Now bring me a scissor to cut those ropes. You can find it in the kitchen.” He glared at you when you didn’t stop ordering him around, especially since he found his actions pretty shameful. Nevertheless, he bit back his complains and went to the other room to get whatever you wanted. Once he found the scissor, he bit the handle of the tool, and carefully got back to your side. “That took you a while.” You chuckled, to which he scoffed, “are you done with the games now?” How furious he sounded, he wasn’t having half the fun you had huh?

You tilted your head to the side, acting like you were thinking about it, then said, “one last thing.” Before giving him a big smile. The male rolled his eyes at that, at least internally. “Bring me a glass of water, that’s my last request, promise.” After you finished your sentence, you raised your pinky finger, then said, “ah silly me, you can’t reciprocate it after all.” Fyodor mumbled, “you are unbelievable.” Then he made his way back to the kitchen. What else was he supposed to do, he needed your help.

Through much resilience and great efforts, he managed to get a cup out of your shelves. And he even managed to fill it with tap water! Afterwards he bit the handle of the cup, finding that to be the easiest course of action, and slowly walked over to you. This was now his third time running a stupid errand for you, and he really hoped this would be the last. On his way back, he accidentally spilled the water in the cup all over himself and the floor, causing him to yelp a little, “hmmm..!”

You turned your head to the source of the noise, giggling at the sight but not helping him. His blush darkened even more, and he closed the last bit of distance between you two. Without any commentary, you took the cup and put it on the table, grabbing the scissors and cutting through his binds. He didn’t expect you to not make fun of him, so consider him grateful.

Though after you were done, you got up from your seat, grabbing his shoulders as you sneered, “gosh, fyodor, you couldn’t even bring me a glass of water?” Guess he jinxed it. Even though considering the circumstances he was in, failing his task was a very possible outcome, he still felt humiliated by your words, or at least embarrassed. He wanted to argue, to try and keep some shreds of dignity when you bested him to it, saying, “shouldn’t you get a punishment for that?”

“A punishment?” As soon as these words left his mouth, you pushed him into the couch and tickled him. Attacking his stomach while responding through a huge grin, “yep! A punishment you can’t evade!” “What- ha- ahaha.. no, wait haha…! Stop!” He laughed involuntarily, kicking his legs around and trying to peel your hands off his body. “Haha.. s-stop, hahh.. really, hahaha~ I can’t-!!” Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes already, his clothes and hair all disheveled. “Hehe.. alright, the punishment is over.” You eventually said, reaching out to his face to wipe his tears away.

As if hit by the realisation, he abruptly stopped smiling, still blushing furiously as he gasped for air. When he breathing calmed down, he pouted, then wrapped his arms around your neck as he gave you a quick kiss on the lips, “you-… you better make it up to me for being mean.”

[vamph00n]

idea, but idk if you take ideas

reader gets turned on by hoon’s vampire like features, and convinces him to rp as one while they’re fucking

mdni

tags: femreader, vampire kink, mentions of the twilight movies, hoon is jealous obv.

*not proofread will do later

wc: 1,2k

smut tags under the cut

i added my own lil spin on it annonie~ mainly cause i’ve been rewatching twilight rndjsoskdndknsla

smut tags: biting kink, implications of sex, dirty talk, chest groping, etc

he doesn’t know how many times you watched those stupid twilight movies. all he knew is that you fawned over some guy in those films with the most victorian name ever. he wasn’t your type and sunghoon was sure of it, why would he be your type when he; your boyfriend, was right there? nah, he didn’t like that you thought of any other men than him. even if he was fictional.

you had all the books too, along with whatever smutty literature he saw on that well dusted shelf in your house. you lived in those dirty fantasies when he was right there. the way you’d kick your feet and giggle while watching those movies. it really pissed him off, it was all imaginary, pretend. it was stupid for him to be so jealous, but god there was one thing he hated the most about your little hyper fixation…

well, the thing is sunghoon doesn’t want to come off as a pissy bitch. he’ll happily go along with whatever endeavors you put him through. it’s just when you make him watch the same few movies with you again, he felt his ego shrink every passing second spent staring at robert pattinson play a vampire. especially when your comments consisted of comparisons between him and edward whats-his-face’s character.

“look at him hoon, he’s like all sparkly in the sun, n’ he has like this mad gaze.” Your eyes pan over to your boyfriend, watching him stare at the tv blankly, in a boredom induced daze.

he’s tuning out what you’re saying, because well, it makes him feel somewhat inadequate. it’s so rare for him to feel this way. he’s so self assured, maybe even a little egotistical sometimes. how can he not be? you yourself loaded up his little brain with compliments and ideas. saying how he’s the man of your fucking dreams, or the way your body contorted in different ways, becoming helpless when he did so little as touching you. hell yeah, you made him feel so damn special.

with his brows furrowed at the screen, he sees your odd stare from the corner of his eye. why do anything to reassure you of what you were thinking in that moment? he knows you, he can practically read your mind. before diverting your attention back to the screen a scoff leaves your mouth. call him petty or whatever you want, he just wants to get through watching this god forsaken movie for the millionth time without his brain frying.

sunghoon is so ridged. his arms are crossed, and he’s like, all stiff. whatever, you can deal with it. although it’s frustrating that he’s so oblivious.

you find yourself scooting closer, leaning and commenting on the movie. with each sentence you say, you can feel his dreary attitude loom over. it’s given, you’ve forced him to death watch your silly little movies to the point where he himself can recite each word.

“he’s like, —i don’t know. like can you imagine? getting puncture wounds, and hickeys at the same—“

that’s where sunghoon draws the line.

“can you shut up?”

dang. he was livid. you have right to your own thoughts but to think like that? when he’s right there? when he can well rip off your panties and fuck you the way this guy can’t because it’s all speculative? all you had to do was let him, just ask and he’ll deliver. you know it.

but then again, you boyfriend is as dense as concrete and dumb as bricks sometimes. guess you’d have to give him a nudge, a hint too probably.

“i mean, can you imagine what’s it like to be a vampire?”

you’ve practically told him what you wanted, and he still has that red cloudy look of jealousy with somewhat of a frown on his face and his overgrown bangs shading his eyes. if he wasn’t upset, you’d tell him how cute he looks right now. how dumb he is, is also what you’d tell him. then again you weren’t exactly being straightforward.

with your question slipping in one ear and out the other, he just tunes you out. yeah it’s pathetic he feels so strongly about something so meaningless, could he help it though? he was insane about you.

your eyes darken as you grab the remote, and thank goodness you turned it off. sunghoon finds you sliding on of your legs over his thighs as you take a seat. you gaze into his eyes, he looks annoyed. he’s suppressing the urge to just fuck the stupid crush you had on that twilight vampire out of you. it makes you laugh at how blind he is. nevermind, you probably had to spell it out for him.

“you can do that. you can bite me here, and here-“

you drag your two fingers indicating where he could, and his breath hitches. it’s like all his senses are tingly, and piercing. his ears are ringing, with the rush of adrenaline and the newfound excitement he had. just hearing you describe what you wanted him to do.

you saw his jaw hang slack, as you merely told him what you wanted. tracing your fingers down your abdomen and to your thighs, you tap on the fleshy inner part.

“you can bite here too.”

his hands grab your hips, he gets it now. he slides a hand up your shirt holding your chest. your mind drives him crazy. his touch sends shivers down your spine.

“here too?” he asks asks, so politely.

it makes you heat up, and become more wet than your imagination allowed. when you thought of him like the cold blooded undead he resembled so much, it made you infatuated with the idea of it. the idea of him. how could he not see it? when you drew comparisons that surely pointed towards his own features that you loved so much.

his pretty skin glows in the dim light of your living room unlike of that portrayed in the movie. he’s real, and right here.

“didn’t you ever think, perhaps..” you say it so sweetly as you feel his hand roam around your body.

before you can finish your sentence, your breath is cut short. your back is now against the cushions of the couch, and his arms trap you beneath him. sunghoon wonders how he got so lucky, to have someone like you to show him all the ways he can make you wet. your so sick and twisted, not for your little fantasy you wanted him to indulge in, but the fact you didn’t just tell him straight up. he ought to punish you.

he’ll let it slide though. partially because he feels his cock twitch restrained by his pants, and because he’s so willing to do what you ask of him. he knows this is the just the beginning, and honestly he’ll have fun woh it. so with his lips ghosting your neck, and his hot breath up against your ear he asks you a question.

“tell me what else you want me to do as your vampire. sweetheart”

copyright @vamph00n 2024

[sunlightmurdock]

My Future in You | 1.0 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

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Synopsis: Bradley’s twenty-two years old and not where he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be out of the academy by now. Instead, he’s retaking his senior year of college and praying to god that he gets into flight school. Mav’s gone, his mom’s gone. He’s mad at the world. Then, a hook up at a Halloween party changes his future even more than he could have imagined.

Warnings: allusions to sex, eventual accidental pregnancy, angst, drama etc etc, enemies to lovers if you wanna call it that, no major warnings in this chapter

…

Your next appointment is on the twenty-sixth of January. You make it twenty-five days without contact from Bradley.

Bradley wakes up from his nap on January first to Jake yelling at him, asking what he did to piss you off this time. Bradley crosses the hall and finds your stuff gone from Jake’s room. He takes the hint. First you fuck someone else and then you move out without telling him. He hasn’t been ghosted before, but he has done it often enough to know what it looks like.

It doesn’t feel good. In fact, Bradley spends a couple of days feeling outright guilty. He checks his phone a couple of times an hour and considers that maybe he was a little harsh. Then he remembers, promptly after, exactly what he overheard when you were with Ryan - and then he’s mad all over again.

Bradley knows that Jake would tell him if there was something he needed to know, but that doesn’t stop him from silently wondering why the fuck Jake has stopped telling him about you. He thinks about you when he’s supposed to be studying. Tapping his pencil against an open textbook. Wondering if you’re still seeing that douchebag.

Wondering if he’s supposed to be okay with his baby having a stepdad.

He doesn’t want his kid to have a step-dad. He never had one and he turned out just fine. Bradley’s pencil snaps in his fist. Just. Fine.

Jake has noticed the steady-stream of girls that Bradley talks to coming by the house less and less. Bradley’s spending more time at the library. Jake figures that’s a good thing. That he isn’t messing with your head, and that he isn’t messing with any of the other girls on this campus.

Ryan spends most of January with you. Library dates on your campus, movie nights at your apartment, walks through the park. He celebrates with you when you get your grades back. He doesn’t question it when you tell him you don’t drink. He likes iced coffee, science fiction movies and video games. He’s been giving you a steady stream of two-player video game suggestions all month.

You’re thinking about taking him up on his offer.

He’s so cute, and so smart - he actually helps when you’re studying instead of just saying you’ll get it. The sex is probably the best you’ve ever had. He kisses your forehead when you’re falling asleep and your cheek when you’re waking up. He was in a band when he was younger. He played guitar for you last night.

“You sure I can’t come to that appointment with you? - I can drive, we could grab some lunch after maybe.” Ryan offers as he slips his shirt over his head. Your eyes widen slightly at the suggestion as you swipe powder under your eyes in the mirror.

Ryan still doesn’t know. You just haven’t found a way to work it into the conversation yet. How do you tell your new boyfriend that you’re pregnant with someone else’s baby? - There’s no advice for this kind of situation.

“Um, I’m fine,” You say softly without turning your head towards him. He walks over to where you’re sitting in front of your mirror and meets your gaze through the glass. “Jake wanted to take me. He’s probably already driving up here.”

You aren’t even sure if Bradley’s coming. Jake didn’t mention it and you haven’t spoken to him since that morning. You don’t know if he even remembers when the appointment is.

Ryan nods as he kisses the top of your head.

You swallow. You noticed last night. Staring in the mirror after your midnight shower whilst Ryan was waiting for you in your bed. It’s not much yet. Probably couldn’t even spot it if you weren’t looking for it. Not unless it was someone who knew your body well. But it’s there. The faintest swell, a slight roundness to your lower abdomen.

It’s just going to get bigger and bigger. You’re thirteen weeks now, well - you were on Wednesday. It’s Friday now. Next week you’ll be fourteen weeks. You can’t hide this from Ryan much longer.

He’s so patient with you. You hope he’ll understand. The rational side of your brain tells you to enjoy the time you have left with him, because you know that he’ll freak out and leave.

You can’t keep telling him that your boobs are sore because you’re PMS’ing. That’s been the excuse for three weeks now and still no period - of course, there isn’t going to be one. As he opens his mouth to make another suggestion for when he could next see you, he’s interrupted by the doorbell. Jake. Thank god.

“One sec.” You tell him. You press your lips to his cheek as you stand up and slip past him. If this is the honeymoon phase, then you understand why people pay so much money for stupid weddings. You love this part. Ryan watches, a soft smile on his lips as you leave your room. You cross to the front door and buzz Jake in.

“I love those jeans on you.” Ryan tells you. He’s leaning against the wall, looking at you, his arms folded over his chest. Your lips quirk slightly as heat rises onto your cheeks. You take three steps forwards and let him pull you against his chest. He wraps one arm around your waist, using his other hand to tilt your chin towards him. “You’re so beautiful.”

Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but you feel like you’re going to cry. You read that all those hormones were supposed to fade in the second trimester. Bullshit.

Ryan presses his lips to yours. Delicate, affectionate.

“Eh-hum.”

You turn at the sound of Bradley clearing his throat. You turn sharply, eyes widening. He’s standing in the entryway with the front door still open, a displeased look on his face. He’s wearing sweatpants, a plain white t-shirt and a gold cross on a chain. He’s wearing an eagles cap backwards. He looks like a kid. Not someone’s dad. He’s seeing his baby for the first time and this is what he shows up in.

It’s snowing out and he isn’t even wearing a coat.

“Bradley.” You say his name, you couldn’t stop yourself if you tried to. He looks at you, bored. Upset. Pushed out, perhaps. “Where’s Jake?”

“He’s running late. He’s gonna meet us there.”

Bradley can’t help but notice the confusion on Ryan’s face. It occurs to him early on that Ryan still doesn’t know you’re pregnant. Bradley isn’t happy that he is here - that you’ve spent an entire month with someone else. Ryan’s wondering why your brother’s roommate was invited to a routine check up. Bradley can see it in his face that Ryan doesn’t like him being here.

“Are you ready or what?” Bradley urges. Ryan’s brows tighten slightly. You shoot Bradley a look. He’s still as much of an ass as he was twenty-five days ago.

“No, I need to grab a couple of things,” You answer, still tucked in against Ryan’s chest. “You can wait in the car.”

“I’m good here.” Bradley answers, shutting the door behind him and taking a step inside. You stare at him. He looks at you. He’s daring you to say something in front of Ryan.

You squeeze your palm around Ryan’s softly and let him know you’ll be right back. The clock is ticking from the moment your back turns. You know you can’t leave him with Bradley for too long. You’re right, because the second you’re out of the room, all Bradley can think about is how badly he wants to let your new little boyfriend in on the secret.

Bradley figures it wouldn’t make a great first impression to show up to the doctor’s office arguing, or for you to stop him going all together. Jake made him promise not to be a dick.

“So, you’re uh… over at UVA too?” Ryan attempts conversation, just small talk.

Bradley’s taller than him. He can tell even when he’s standing on the other side of the room. Bradley shrugs his shoulders.

Ryan tolerates the silence for a few seconds, then tries again.

“What’s your major?”

Bradley turns his head and narrows his eyes at your boyfriend. Ryan’s wearing a sweater and jeans. Bradley thinks his hair looks stupid. You think Ryan’s dark curls are beautiful. Bradley shoves one hand into his pocket.

“So, you like her?” You’re all they’ll ever have in common. You’re the only thing that Bradley’s interested in talking to him about. Ryan isn’t phased by Bradley’s question, he assumes that since your brother isn’t here, he’s getting the protective older brother talk from the substitute.

“She’s incredible, right?” Ryan smiles. Bradley stares at him, deadpan.

Your cheeks are flushed when you return. Rushing around your room to grab your things is already proving harder as you move into the second trimester.

“Ready!” You declare, interrupting their conversation to the best of your ability.

Bradley pulls his keys from his pocket. Ryan walks downstairs with the two of you in uncomfortable silence. He gets the feeling that you don’t like Bradley very much. You kiss him and tell him you’ll see him later as Bradley crosses to get into the driver’s side of his stupid, blue car.

“What an asshole.” You know that Bradley wanted to hear you say it because he waited until you were in the passenger seat to speak. He turns the engine on and waits for you to buckle your seatbelt.

“You mean you? - Yeah, tell me about it.” You mutter, voice dripping with sarcasm. The belt catches. You grit your teeth and tug it harder. It catches again.

“You have to stop pulling-“

“Shut up.” You demand. Bradley rolls his eyes and pulls away from the curb without waiting any longer. You clip the belt in.

Bradley makes it two minutes before he makes another off-handed comment.

“He’s kinda short.” Bradley announces.

“Stop it.” You sigh.

He shrugs his shoulders, stopping at a red light and drumming his fingers on the wheel. You turn the radio down. He shoots you a look. You’re going to kill Jake for leaving you with him.

“What do you see in him anyway?” Bradley demands.

You want to bite your tongue. You really do. Sometimes things just don’t pan out that way.

“He’s the best fuck I’ve ever had.” You answer simply. Bradley shuts up. You both drive in almost silence. For a couple of minutes anyway. He pulls into a parking space and looks across at you. You can tell he’s been waiting to say whatever’s on his mind.

“You give bad blowjobs.” He tells you calmly. Your lips part as he opens his door, steps out and slams it behind him. You follow him out of the car, furious.

“That’s bullshit.” You tell him.

His back is to you as he heads for the door. He pulls it open and turns to look at you, “Care to prove me wrong?”

You roll your eyes and walk past him. Bradley follows you in. He shoves both hands into his pockets as you walk confidently up to the receptionist. He glances around at the leaflets on the walls, the linoleum floor, the plastic waiting room chairs. Bradley hates the doctor. He hates the way it smells in here. Those dull lights and the sound they make.

“Hey.” You nudge him, shaking your head softly. He’s busy looking around instead of listening. “We have to sit down. They’ll call us.”

Bradley nods. He follows you to the corner of the waiting room and sits next to you. There’s a cancer leaflet on the wall. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and considers provoking you further just to get his mind off of how uncomfortable he is. You aren’t phased at all, playing on your phone. You’re busy texting Jake and telling him to hurry up and get his stupid ass over here before you kill his roommate.

“So do we find out what it is today?” Bradley asks.

“I don’t think it is anything yet.” You answer him. He pulls a confused face. “I’m pretty sure they don’t have, like, genitals yet.”

Bradley pulls out his phone and begins googling.

“No, they have genitals. Just says that it’s easier to tell what they are later.” He explains. The bickering from the car is left behind for a moment. You lean across to look at his phone. He turns the screen to show you.

You nod softly, then lift your gaze to look at him.

“Do you have a preference?” You ask him. Bradley turns his attention from the screen and looks at you. He considers the question for a moment. Truthfully, he can’t see himself with either a son or a daughter. He has no idea what to expect from either. He shakes his head.

“I don’t think so. Do you?” He asks. He sits back in his chair and parts his knees. The sick feeling in his stomach subsides with you to distract him.

“No.” You agree. You rest a hand on your stomach, “Doesn’t matter.”

Bradley fiddles with his watch, biting the inside of his cheek as he looks over your hand resting over the waistband of your jeans.

“Have you thought about names?” He asks.

“Yeah. Have you?” You look at him and raise your eyebrows. He frowns at you, as if you’ve left him behind in the decision-making process.

“No.”

There’s a couple of seconds of silence whilst you check for an update from Jake. Nothing. Bradley stares at the ceiling. He considers if he may be a bad dad already for not thinking of names. He’s been thinking about the baby all month. That has to count for something. He just didn’t want to overstep and come at you with a name. He figured you would do that together.

“What names do you like?” He asks softly.

“I was thinking maybe Quentin for a boy-“

“No.” Bradley interrupts.

“Why not?” You frown at him. He shrugs his shoulders.

“Quentin Bradshaw? - Doesn’t sound right.” He explains. You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, well, luckily - Quentin Seresin sounds just fine.” You answer with a soft scoff, turning your attention back to your phone. Bradley turns his head towards you and frowns, scrunching his brows disapprovingly.

“We didn’t agree to go with your name.” He frowns.

“We didn’t agree to go with yours either.” You remind him. It’s clear to the both of you that this has the potential to turn into an all out argument right here in the waiting room if the two of you continue.

Luckily, you’re interrupted. Your name is called by a friendly looking nurse. You check your phone and take one final look outside of Jake’s car. Bradley follows you into the doctor’s office. He hasn’t been into an actual doctor’s office in like two years. He watches the way you walk in with ease, the way you smile at the doctor and introduce her to him.

He takes his seat beside the exam bed and you catch a glimpse at how much he has paled.

Bradley keeps his eyes on the ground. You unbutton your jeans and push them down to your underwear line, lifting your shirt just enough.

Bradley’s gaze falters. He isn’t checking you out. It’s just something he notices. His eyes widen slightly at the difference. It’s faint. But he knows it’s there. A faint roundness to your physique, different from last time he saw your stomach.

It’s really there. A hint of a bump. A glimpse of what’s to come. Bradley swallows and wonders when this happened. When, in the last twenty-five days, had this started to happen? - What else had he missed? - What else was he going to miss?

“What?” You press him.

Bradley realises he has been caught staring. He shakes his head, stumbling for words.

“Nothing. Nothing,” He breathes. He sits back in his chair, “Just… it’s really - you’re - I just - you’re starting to show.”

You ignore his observation and turn your attention to the woman entering the room.

“Are you excited?” It’s a loaded question. The ultrasound tech catches the way the two of you glance at each other. She giggles softly and squeezes your hand. “Scared?”

“Shitless.” You agree with a smile. Bradley lets out a breath of relief. You’ve been acting so natural about all this, he thought it was just him that was losing his mind over this. He watches as you flinch from the coolness of the jelly on your abdomen, and then his eyes are on the screen. He’s expecting a little blob.

A blur. Something hard to spot. His lips part slightly as the tech focuses in on it. It’s fairly unmistakable. Arms. Legs. Weirdly big head. He leans forwards slightly, brows furrowing. You glance across at him.

He’s focusing so hard. You can practically see him freaking out on the inside. He’s barely blinking.

You’re busy watching his face. You flinch at the feeling of his cool skin against your warm hand. His palm slips into yours, linking his fingers between yours.

“This is your baby’s heartbeat.”

You squeeze Bradley’s hand in yours softly. It’s strong and loud. The sound fills your ears. You stare at the screen. Two arms and two legs. Huge head. Damn Bradshaw genes.

Your brows furrow slightly, you look over at the technician for reassurance, “This is good, right?”

She smiles softly, catching an equally afraid look on Bradley’s face. She nods her head calmly at you.

“Everything’s perfect. You’re doing a great job, Mommy.” She pats your knee softly. Your eyes widen. “I’m going to give the two of you a minute and I’ll be back in, we can talk about your second trimester and your next appointment.”

Your heart thuds in your chest, though it isn’t anywhere near as fast as the baby’s.

Bradley leans into you as the door closes behind her.

“Mommy.” He comments teasingly. You turn towards him and smile, letting out a soft laugh. You wonder if he can tell how afraid you are.

He brushes his thumb softly over the back of your hand. Both of you watch the screen in silence.

“Do you think its head is really going to look like that?” You whisper. Almost like asking it too loudly would make you a bad mother. Bradley breaks into a laugh beside you, grinning in relief.

“For your sake, I hope not.” He agrees.

You smile. Bradley kisses your knuckles softly.

“Is it weird that I think they’re kinda cute?” Bradley asks softly.

“Even in black and white? - You can’t see their face.” You point out, tilting your head at the screen. It makes your heart swell, but it’s hardly a cute baby face.

“Yeah.” Bradley confirms.

Your hand sits comfortably in his for the remainder of the appointment, his thumb swiping soothingly over the back of your fist. For a while, it feels like you really are doing this together. Like you aren’t just two college kids who were fighting like children in the car outside. Like this might work out.

You slip your palm out of his as you catch sight of Jake in the waiting room.

Jake stands the moment he sees you.

“I’m so sorry I missed it! I tried to get here, I’m sorry.” Jake pulls you into a tight hug. You smile into his shoulder and squeeze him, pushing back. Jake’s brows furrow slightly as you press something into his palm. He takes the paper and lifts it curiously. You giggle as his jaw drops open. His hand immediately moves to rest against your stomach as he eyeballs the sonogram picture.

Bradley’s lips quirk slightly at Jake’s excitement.

“We’re really doing this!” Jake chuckles, bemused. Bradley laughs softly. Jake takes a couple of minutes to go between checking the picture and looking excitedly between you and Bradley.

“Wait, we should…” Jake hands you the picture and pulls his phone from his pocket. “Stand together, lift it up.”

“No, Jake, I-“

You look at Bradley for support, finding none. He’s clearly on Jake’s side. He smiles and tucks you under his arm. Bradley rests his cheek on top of your head, holding the picture in front of your stomach as Jake angles the camera on his phone. You rest an arm around Bradley’s back, smiling sheepishly. Jake grins at the picture before him.

…

@thedroneranger

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@marvel-f1-and-more

@heli991113

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@momc95

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

When I engage with the Silmarilion fandom it’s always very educational and enlightening no matter what side they’re on regarding Finwe and his sons. But whenever I interact with the HoTD fandom it’s always “you’re condoning XYZ and therefore you’re a horrible person!!!” Or doing mental gymnastics to try to justify whichever atrocities their side committed.

Thematically both stories are quite similar. We can find parallels with Rhaenyra and Feanor but even at his worst (Pulling a sword on Fingolfin, First kinslaying, burning of the ships etc.) Feanor had never put a bounty on a toddler (Rhaenyra stating that Maelor should be bought to her dead or alive causing him to be ripped apart. Like hello??!??? How is that ever a justifiable thing to do???). I can find parallels between Feanor and Rhaenyra, sure. But if I’m honest the parallels stop with them being the only child of a kings first wife who’s father then went on to face four more kids with another women. Finwe is ten times the father Viserys was. And literally none of the kids (Feanor included) would ever take their anger out on their siblings child like we see the so called Maegor come again do.

But I digress, I was talking of the fandom. I may get heated talking about whether Feanor was right in his anger at Indis or whether Fingolfin should’ve absolutely demanded more reparations from the sons of Feanor when he crossed the ice. But I’ve never seen anyone in the Silm fandom saying that someone should die because they had an opinion.

But I’ve seen many instances of HoTD fans threatening rape and death on people who think Alicent is not the monster they portray her as, or that Rhaenyra isn’t as ‘girl boss queen slay!!!’ As people say she is. Maybe it’s because HoTD is a TV show and many of the fans haven’t read the books and therefore don’t understand nuance since the TV show focuses so much on Rhaenyra’s manifest destiny arc that team green gets painted as the ‘ultimate’ villain for our girl boss queen Rhaenyra to ascend to the throne since it’s her ‘birth right’.

Not to mention how the whole made up show canon prophecy to justify colonialism means that team black stans are really showing their true colors on what they think is right. Because guess what? The Silm also has what could be said to be as a colonizing story line with the Noldor coming to Beleriand and settling but most fans agree that the cutting up of Beleriand was very much a colonizing behavior no matter what they think of Thingol.

Point is, most HoTD fans can’t hold and intellectually simulating debate over their characters without feeling like said debater is personally attacking them since their entire personality is so deeply entwined with their fav that a critique on them would automatically equate to a critique on themselves. Therefore making it entirely impossible to have a decent conversation on the thematically very important foils that Rhaenyra and Alicent pose to each other (since they still think a good story must have a black and white view of the protagonist and the antagonist lmao).

Media illiteracy in these fandoms truly is a cancer that spreads to even the most level headed and literate individuals. Pick up a book! Understand themes and how foils are supposed to be written without internalizing criticism of your fav as a criticism of yourself! I don’t get mad when people criticize Feanor, nor do I get mad when people say I’m wrong when it comes to my own interpretation of the statue of Finwe and Miriel. It’s called having a discussion and you can only do that when you’re not on the front lines dying for a fictional character who wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire in front of them!!!

[ataraxiaspainting]

Cupid's Chokehold.

Yan Lucas x F Reader. 

Synopsis: With your vision, lines are always blurred. But the one on your mind right now is the line where the basement is and where the warm, inviting stairs begin… and how little distance is too close to the woman shackled up.

Warnings: Yandere themes, kidnapping, past not SFW implications (non-con), cannibalism, and depictions of violence/corpses.

Word Count: 1.2k.

a little fanwriting for the amazing @wri0thesley / @needleanddead's oc lucas! check them out if you haven't already! <333 (if you want me to take this down, please let me know!)

*~*~*~*

“Darling?”

The door Lucas had come through you had sworn you hadn’t seen before. It is like it came out of a fictional reality, in all senses of the words – the bricks seemed too gray, too monochrome to be real, the cracks so similar to each other it is like an animator gave up halfway through and scribbled straight lines downward, the dark brown stains of wet dirt on the carpet in front of it too large to be anything human.

“Yes?” 

Lucas doesn’t like being ignored; he pulled your ear once because he thought you were. Despite your claims that you were not and simply just tired, which were all true, his pinching fingers continued to bite into you. He didn’t yell then, at least. Lucas never yelled at you, despite his temper and whomever he is screaming at when he sends you off to bed. His voice is the only voice you have heard for weeks.

You don’t hear even your own anymore after all your sobbing into your pillow that you do on the daily. 

“Clean yourself up, alright?”

You don’t nod as quickly as you usually do.

Perhaps it is Stockholm Syndrome getting to you or the curious cat in you wondering where that door leads. Where either way leads you don’t like.

Just like the way the basement stairs lead you down and the stairs next to the kitchen lead you up.

After a raise of Lucas’ eyebrow and a cross of his arms, you hurriedly go on your merry way. It is almost like you are a child running after shutting off all the lights and returning to the safety net that is their room, except candles were still lit in lanterns and the fireplace still had enough wood to keep on burning.

You aren’t allowed to close your door. It is something you fought at first, weeks ago. But after some gripping on your hand that was far too tight to be anything less than a warning, you learned that sometimes things must be let go for better things.

Privileges you had before that you can still remember when you lived on your own and you were free and happy. Being able to change your clothes. Being able to walk to the farmer’s market by yourself. Being able to say no when someone touches you in ways you don’t want.

However, beggars can’t be choosers, especially ones that don’t exactly know what is in their kidnapper’s locked basement. Like the gates of hell, you want that door to remain shut despite wanting and wanting to know the horrors within. Isn’t that a human’s nature? To seek out things unbeknownst to them?

But it’s not like you don’t have a general idea. Lucas hasn’t come home as pissed off as of late – a sure sign that maybe less of the meat he cooked was a person’s arm or leg. You can’t be picky with your food either; you need energy and you need Lucas to not be mad and threaten to stick a feeding tube up your nose.

Lucas told you he didn’t have people down there, and for your sanity, you believed him. The steak tastes better when you don’t think about the cow being in the slaughterhouse. The waters keep calm when you don’t rummage around and throw yourself inside them.

A familiar hand sneaks around your neck, and your chest, and goes up to your mouth – but there is still enough distance for you to speak.

“I always liked that dress on you.”

You don’t scream and you don’t cover up your chest with your arms anymore – that would make him annoyed and, yes, not mad, but annoyed is still a bad emotion to feel when you are Lucas.

Instead, you continue to put on the pink frilly dress Lucas got you when he wanted to reward you for being good the previous night. You said you wanted him to go get something handmade and soft, he added the word ‘pretty’ to your request, and he came back with that. It isn’t the shortest thing in your admittedly full wardrobe, but it isn’t the longest either.

It still shows things you don’t want to show this man, this depraved killer.

But he’s here in this cottage with you and you can’t change when he wants to leave. You can’t change where you are when you are with him. 

An idea pops into your head at that very moment.

You can change when he leaves sometimes, when you ask.

“Luke?” The nickname is forced out of your throat, yet echoes so naturally in Lucas’ ears.

“Yes, angel?” He sounds even more excited, most likely because your tone is filled with such saccharine affection.

“Can you make a small trip for me? Please?”

*~*~*~*

With the door shut, you cannot see the thirty or more steps you have to continue to take to get to the bottom. When you had gotten on the fifth or so though there was a dusty chain dancing on top of your hair. Against your better judgment, you pulled.

The light wasn’t the brightest and flickered with each blink of your eyes, but it was better than nothing. It seemed so filthy however that you presume Lucas doesn’t use it very much – either he has better vision than you or he uses one of the candlelit lanterns he fancies from the sitting room.

There is a creak on one of the floorboards. It almost makes you fall down the stairs because of how suddenly your heart jumps. No, the town is about an hour away. Lucas wouldn’t be here, it is only you making those sounds.

“Lucas?”

The voice is so raspy it is like another creak on the floorboard. It essentially reaches out to you like a snake, ready to swallow you whole.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

The second time the person speaks, you are better at identifying them. It sounds more feminine than Lucas’, although that didn’t say much. Perhaps a fellow woman.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I… I’m sorry I bit you… I’m sorry… I… I’m so sorry…”

“Lucas… is out…”

You’re not sure if you should have said that. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything at all before she took a look at you and she had the opportunity to ask any questions she had. From how she screams and cries and how you hear chains shake, she probably either thinks you’re a savior or an accomplice.

“Oh God!”

After you reach the final step, you stop. Your bare feet don’t touch the dirty floor – the stairs are cleaner, and the thought of getting too close scares you for some reason. The woman doesn’t care, you think, because what comes out of her mouth are inconsistent ramblings waiting to be answered by you and only you – about him, about you, about everything that has happened since she was locked up down here.

“Why are you here?” She asks.

The bucket beside her smells, and the boxes on the far end of the basement have flies going inside through little holes centipedes and cockroaches also use.

“He… He left the door unlocked. …Why?”

She screams again. 

You almost scream too, but you don’t know what for. Yet.

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

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Chapter XVIII: I Gave My Life Away

pre warning: tags contain some non specific spoilers

warnings: 18+ MDNI mentions of a suicide attempt, alcoholism, narcotics addiction, depression. Adult content not meant for people under the age of 18. (spoiler for next tag!) Grinding/heavy petting, an inkling of smut. Angst, hurt feelings, heavy subject matter. reminder that this is fiction and i do not condone the actions of my characters! afab!gn!reader, they/them pronouns, rockstar!eddie, use of y/n lol i did not use y/n once!, pet names

a/n: i am… so sorry. that’s all i’ll say for now.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated.

—

January 1991

Eddie’s POV

“Eddie? Eddie!” The voice is familiar, but too far away. He can’t see anything beyond a spinning figure, but he feels the harsh slapping on his face before someone drags him by his armpits into the bathtub. “Cmon, man, please.”

Then there’s water, and it’s cold, and Eddie’s trying to move but he can’t, he can only cough and choke as the shower spray gets into his nose and mouth.

“Oh fuck, thank fucking God.” Then there are footsteps, and Eddie’s hauled out of the bathroom on a stretcher, the frantic voice following closely behind.

-

Present Day

Eddie’s POV

“Ed, they’re looking for you. Two minutes.”

Eddie nods, waving the security off and turning back to her. “You’re still in Ohio, then?”

“Yeah, seems it. Nothing really goin’ on here, though.”

“Isn’t that kind of a good thing?”

She shrugs, her lips pursed. “Guess so, if it means you’re here.”

Eddie chuckles shyly. “Well, I should get moving, or Steve will have my head.

She nods eagerly, wrapping herself tightly around Eddie’s torso, causing him to shift uncomfortably. He hasn’t seen her since before, and he realizes now he’s not that person anymore. It causes his heart to skip with anxious energy.

“See ya.” She sends him a wink, and he waves as she turns on her heel to venture back into the crowd.

The security guard is still there, humming the chorus to Under The Bridge as it plays out of the house speakers, leaning against the wall as he waits for Eddie to finish with the pretty, dainty girl he’s with, and Eddie returns to him like a scolded child. “Alright, let’s go.”

“That your girl?” He asks, making small talk with the rockstar he has likely no interest in.

Eddie shakes his head. “God, no. A friend, maybe. Not even that much, not anymore.”

“Guy like you doesn’t need to dwell on that, man. Sure you got plenty of ladies lined up for a chance with you.”

He snorts, amused by this guy’s casualty. “You’d be surprised.”

The guard escorts Eddie all the way to the stage, where Steve is seething and huffing about, arms crossed tightly over his chest. “Sorry, sorry. Ran into someone.”

Steve’s expression softens slightly at the mention. “Was it-“

“Yeah. But it’s fine, really. Civil, even.”

“Right. In that case, I’m still mad at you,”

“Sure, of course. Can we hold off on my discipline until after the show?”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply as if to prevent himself from taking a swing at Eddie. “Fine. Go.”

Eddie bows his head to thank him, and takes his place next to his bandmates, who’d been left waiting restlessly for their frontman, again. “Hey-“

“Shut up.” Jeff silences him. “Don’t wanna hear it.” And it’s fair. They shouldn’t have to listen to his excuses. He’s supposed to be working on himself, and all he’s managed to do is piss off the people that matter to him most. The house lights dim, and Eddie watches as the crowd grow feral, shoving toward the stage, shaking the metal barricades standing between them and the stage. His heart thumps in his ears, in time with the crowd’s eager chants of “COFFIN, COFFIN,” a command he’s inclined to obey. It drags him forward, led by his band onto the stage to present themselves to a mass of people that want to tear them apart.

The stage lights up with the first chord, and Eddie hears the audience beyond his monitor. He looks back to Gareth, who’s awestruck at the noise, then to Jeff who holds his hand over his chest, genuinely thanking these people for coming. Eddie wants to feel it, too. The warmth these people seem to offer his friends, but he’s somewhere else. He can’t get used to it, like he’s wearing shoes half a size too small. It makes him shift uncomfortably inside his skin, constantly feeling the eyes of thousands on him, relying on him, there for him. It’s then that he realizes he’s sober on stage, for the first time in five years.

He’d stuck to his word, now twenty four hours without consuming a drop of alcohol. He feels his chest tighten, like a hand made of knives has broken open his ribcage to squeeze his heart until it pops. His lungs will fill with his own blood and he’ll choke, he watches as it flashes before him, a panic stricken fantasy but Eddie wouldn’t say unrealistic.

His friends are looking at him. The crowd is calming with their increased confusion; a late start and now a strange, empty pause. He has to fill it. He can’t find you, and he’s taking too long, and it’s starting to confuse his band, so he shouts into the blackness “HELLO, COLUMBUS!” and the room combusts with the release of tension. “I am so sorry we’re late. Thank you for waiting. Let’s burn this fucking place down.” Gareth hits his sticks together, both a warning and a courtesy that there’s no stopping now, and Eddie rides the momentum. He nails every incoming note without thought, and he can feel the vibrations through the building, both of the music and the crowd. He gets the same rush he used to, when he was wide eyed and bushy tailed, younger and in love with the life of a rockstar. For a second, he feels it again, in the same place he’d felt the least alive at this time two years ago.

-

Your POV

“What the hell!” You stomp up to Steve, screaming over the noise of the stage into his face. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Steve only smirks. “How does it feel, huh? To not have a fucking clue what’s going on? He’ll tell you. I can’t-“

“Blah!” You throw your hands into the air, “I get it, you can’t tell me. Just… who’s the girl?”

Steve’s smile only grows. “Are you jealous?”

You groan, more from exhaustion than embarrassment. “Of course I’m fucking jealous, Steve! Don’t play dumb! Please, don’t make me feel stupid.”

His face falls, and he grabs you by the shoulders, jolting you into focus. “You have nothing to worry about. That I do know.”

It’s not enough, but it’s all you’re gonna get. You can’t help but respect it, the commitment to keeping Eddie’s business to himself. Truth be told, Steve is probably dying to tell you. “It’s that big, huh?” He nods sadly, and you mirror him in understanding. “But he’s going to tell you. He’s gonna tell you everything, and it’s gonna be a lot to digest. So I’ll be here when he tells you.”

“Steve, you’re scaring me.”

He nods. “That’s my intention. You might not get the answers you want, but you’ll get answers.”

-

You watch the tail end of their set with your brain going in circles. What could Steve possibly mean, the answers you don't want? What answers do you want? Who’s the girl, for starters. But mostly, what happened, in the two years without contact? What made you so angry? You can’t imagine an answer heavy enough to break you, not off the top of your head. Whatever it is, you want it. Even if it’s just to understand Eddie a little more. Even if it means he can’t be with you. Even if it means you have to let him go.

“Thank you!” Eddie shouts after the final note of a song you couldn’t name. “Thanks for comin’ out, Columbus!” The crowd shrieks, ratting your brain inside your head. “And give it up again for DEATH DANCE APPROXIMATELY!” The crowd politely continues cheering, and a small girl next to you sends you a bright smile. “So, so grateful to have them on this whole tour with us, you have no idea.” Eddie laughs bashfully, out of character for him to do while on stage. It’s a small thing, something you shouldn’t have noticed, but of course you did. He’s nervous. You squint, as if it will help you read him better, and it doesn’t. “This is our last song, I wanna hear you all. Loud as you can, alright?” The crowd whoops, and Corroded Coffin start in on Sweetheart, and you almost choke on your tears immediately.

Eddie has always said the closing song is the most important. It’s the one freshest in their mind, the one that will stick with them the most. It has to be perfect. He’d never used Sweetheart as the closer, and it’s obvious Gareth and Jeff weren’t ready for it, probably assuming Eddie skipped it reading the setlist. Eddie’s voice shakes slightly as he sings, but it’s perfect. His eyes stay closed the whole time, and you desperately wish he’d open them, find you in the wings, and sing the words to you again. Like he had, any time you’d asked him to just because you could. You sing along, lose yourself in the lyrics for the first time in years, actually hearing the words meant for you.

And then it’s over, and they’re thanking the crowd and bowing, and walking off stage, and even though you know you’re gonna see it all again night after night, even though you have seen it tens of times already, you miss it. The feeling of a shrieking crowd feeling all of their feelings while you feel yours. The feelings you hope you can give to your own audience. You feel like a teenager seeing their favorite band for the first time, and you’d forgotten how good that felt.

Robin seems to appear from thin air next to you. “Hey!” She semi-shouts over the bustling crowd. “Are you crying?” It’s a question you should absolutely be used to by now. You hadn’t noticed this time, though. “Oh!” You sniff, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Yeah, guess I was. Not sad, though.” Not necessarily true, but for now a nonissue.

“We’re all goin’ out tonight.”

You shake your head. “I’ll catch up.” She frowns at you. “It’s okay! I’ll tell you everything I can after.”

The possibility of a gossip session soothes her curiosity, and she squeezes your arm before continuing to wiggle through the crowd. You follow her backstage, into the massive dressing area backstage, where Eddie sits with his bandmates in a circle of metal fold out chairs, each of them holding a beer. Besides Eddie, who fiddles with the label of his water bottle.

“Right!” Jeff pats Eddie’s knee as he speaks, “We’re goin’ out. celebrating our biggest show to date.”

It’s then that Eddie lifts his eyes and catches you staring. You don’t bother averting yours to the floor, already having been caught red handed. “Do you guys mind if I sit this one out? I uh, have a prior engagement.” The girl, you’re sure. The girl you have nothing to worry about, the girl Eddie knows in the nowhere state of Ohio. You chew on the inside of your lip until you draw blood, anxious and suddenly unsure of everything Steve had tried to warn you about.

“Yeah, man, of course. Come out if you change your mind, though.” With that, Gareth and Jeff exit the room, and your friends follow suit soon after, leaving you and Eddie alone.

-

Eddie’s POV

Now, I have to do it right now. “Hey,”

You face him, eyes wide with questions he so desperately wants to answer for you. Your hands are clasped tightly together, your knuckles white and arms flexed, jaw clenched. “You wanna get some coffee?”

Your nod is vigorous, and he holds his elbow out for you. You quickly latch onto him, and Eddie feels just how anxious you must be. He can’t imagine where your head’s at, with your nightmares and your constant, irritating habit of caring about him so much. He’s exhausting you, and all he wants now is to let you rest.

Eddie asks a remaining staff member to escort the two of you out the back way, and into the warmth of the summer night. “Is there even somewhere that sells coffee around here? Let alone somewhere that’s open?” You joke, and he chuckles.

“I guess I didn’t think that far ahead. Ah!” He points down the road, to the glowing 7-Eleven sign. “Onward!” You laugh, and it floods through Eddie, like it’s drenching his head in ice water, refreshing him. He’s since dropped his arm, but yours stays locked around him, like if you let go he’d run away. As if he’d ever think to do such a thing.

He breaks the thick silence finally, after several minutes of walking through it. “You uh, said you wanted to talk?”

You look up at him. “I did?”

“Yeah, uh, this morning? We didn’t really get the chance.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah I guess so. I just,” You shake your head, frustrated, “I have questions.”

“Okay,” Eddie shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. He wants to give you the answers. Finally, he wants to be completely open with you.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, shoot. I’ll answer your questions.”

“Any of them?”

“All of ‘em, sweetheart.” He can’t help it, he loves watching you shy away at the nickname, cute and soft, under all that armor.

-

Your POV

“Okay…” You have to be careful. One wrong move, and he’s shutting you out again. “Where’d you go tonight?” A subtle way to ask it, you think. Not accusatory, just curious, bordering on nosey.

“I ran into an old friend. From group.” You snap your neck, catching the words he says so casually.

“Group?”

Eddie nods, “NA-slash-AA.”

This is nowhere near where you thought this conversation would go. Every question you’d had crumbles at his answer. “What?”

“I’m more of a casual attendee, lately.” You feel your head fill up with more questions, and you’re drowning. “When did you-“ You’re expecting him to cut you off, but he waits. “When did you start going to meetings?”

Eddie looks to the sky as if to find the answer in the blackness above. “Early into 1991. There was still snow on the ground.”

“What um,” You’re walking the tightrope here, and you heed Steve’s warning. “What made you decide to go?”

Eddie looks at you again, his expression sad. “Had a really, really bad night.”

“What happened?” You ask, too quickly. It’s not fair, and you don’t have any right to know the answer, but Eddie snorts a laugh, like this news isn’t breaking your heart to learn. “Steve saved my life. I’m surprised he hasn’t divulged this story to you, even with the fact that I begged him not to tell anyone. Took me years to even tell the guys. I had gotten so bad, I didn’t care what happened to me. I was drinking myself to sleep every night, wallowing in self pity, barely able to function. I was worse than any time before. Worse than I was when you’d called me that night.”

“What night?”

“You were drunk, you probably don’t remember. Sometime in September of the year before, I’d been up all night trying, and you called me at home.” The memory comes back in a tidal wave. You’d just finished recording your EP, your first cohesive body of work, and with it had been signed to Sub Pop. Things had been looking up for you after cutting things off with him in July, but somewhere far away, Eddie had been drowning.

Before you can say anything, he continues, “Anyway, we were on a kind of hiatus as a band, had been for about a year at this point. I had nothing to get me out of bed before three in the afternoon, nothing to distract me from my pity party. I went out every night, drank until I couldn’t see, and did lines in the bathroom with people I didn’t care to know. I probably slept with six or seven different people a week, sometimes more. I couldn’t stop, because then I’d have to feel my feelings, and I was so afraid of them. One time,” He has the gall to chuckle, “after I got kicked out of a bar in New York for trying to fight the bouncer, I was so wasted and beaten that I fell asleep in my front yard with my pants around my ankles. Really glad I don’t have neighbors.”

It all pours out so easily now, like he’s telling you about his trip to the grocery store. “I uh, only got worse after that.” He stops, and you look up at him, waiting with wide, stinging eyes. “You sure you want me to keep going?” You nod. You don’t want to know, but you have to. As much as you suspect it’s gonna hurt, it means something that he’s finally willing to tell you.

He pushes forward. “On New Year's Eve of ‘91, I mixed whiskey and Steve’s Xanax. Way too much of it. Harrington found me passed out in the bathroom of my hotel room at around 1AM and called an ambulance. I'd written a note and everything.”

He pauses again to let you digest it all, and the silence sends a piercing ring through your ears. The words coming out of his mouth feel so far away, disconnected from the mouth they’re coming from. You’d never known Eddie to give up. Nothing had stopped him before; from finishing high school, from getting out of Hawkins, from being a rockstar. Regardless of how angry, or frustrated, or beaten he'd gotten, Eddie had always bounced back.

He finally pulls you from your thoughts. “That was the worst of it, but it had been a long time coming. When we were,” He gestured lamely to the air, “seeing each other, I was usually either on a run or coming down. I didn’t hide it well, I was almost sure you’d known, or at least suspected something. I was so angry and twitchy all the time. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn’t bring you into it, though. I never wanted you to know, and in a lot of ways I still don’t. Actually, please tell me you don’t wanna know. I’ll shut right the fuck up.”

“Nice try, but you underestimate how nosey I am.” He laughs, and you smile despite it all. “When did you start, I guess doing coke?” He doesn’t think about it for long. “Ironically, New Year’s Eve 1990 was the first time. I was a pro at it by May. I'd been drinking heavily for years by then, guess I wanted to jazz it up to ring in the new decade.” He stops walking and pivots to look at you, suddenly eager, and in no way aware of how jarring what he’d just said was. “Do you remember when I would get nosebleeds all the time, or when I’d sneeze and there’d be a giant snot bubble?” You nod, your face contorting with disgust at the memories. You remember a specific time, when you’d been making out with him in his hotel room in Boston, and his nose had just started dripping blood onto your bare chest. He’d gotten so pissed off at himself he’s left without putting his shirt or shoes back on. “Yeah, that had nothing to do with the humidity. Deep down, I think you knew that.”

He’s right, but you can still feel the crack in your heart spiderweb and spread as you hear these suspicions about Eddie confirmed.

“When was the last time?”

“The first or second night of the tour, I think.”

“Are you still drinking?” Dustin’s question makes more sense to you now. You wonder how he’d found out.

Eddie hesitates, as if fighting himself on whether to answer truthfully. “I didn’t today. It’s the first full day I’ve gone in a while. Touring is always difficult, and I’m sure you understand why this time is uh, particularly stressful.”

“Because of me.” Obviously.

“Because I know how badly I’ve hurt you, and because I know I haven’t made it up to you yet. I haven't earned your trust or even your time by any means, and I hate that you’re seeing me like this when you should be enjoying your first full US tour.” He chokes the last words out. You’ve stopped walking again, waiting at a deserted intersection, not yet ready to cross. “I’ve been fucking up recently, which is why I haven’t said anything. It’s not because I don’t want you. I want you so, so much. I just can’t do it yet.”

“Eddie,” You reach for him, and he lets you. You hold his face in your hands, feeling his flushed cheeks warm your palms as you look at him under the streetlights. “You don’t earn things like help and support, Eddie, not from people that-“ You pause. Not now, it’s not fair. “People that care about you. Thank you for telling me, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling; surrounded by triggers at all times, having to see me so much. I never would have agreed to the tour if I’d known—,“

He cuts you off, shaking his head, wafting the scent of his shampoo at you. “Don’t do that, please. This is not your fault, this is my own undoing. You are exempt from blame here.”

“I wish I’d known you were struggling. I wish I could have helped.”

Eddie traps your hands with his own on his face. “I know. I do, too.”

A sob shoves its way through your lips, and you can’t rebuild the dam fast enough. You’re crying, ugly sobbing with snot and mascara painting your face into a sad clown. It may be a cry of relief, having finally understood where your love had gone, so to speak, and seeing a glimpse of him right now. A version of Eddie happy, warm. He smiles at you, a big, beautiful smile, but his eyes are so sad. “I wish I had known to ask. Would have saved us both so much trouble.” Eddie drops his hands to your waist and pulls you closer to him, your coffee quest long forgotten. “I am so sorry.”

“Thank you.” You do not fight it, because there’s so much for him to be sorry for, regardless of if you want the apology. You trust that he means it. “I won’t push you for anything else. But I need you to ask for help, when you need it. I'm not gonna turn you away.” You wrap your arms around his torso, as physical proof of your words. You feel his arms as they surround your head, and he pulls you further into his chest. His breathing deep and even, heart beating soundly, you let yourself inhale him, indulge in his closeness even for a second. You eventually start to pull away, but he catches you, and you crane your head up to look at him, your nose inches away from his. Eddie’s eyes flick to your lips. It’s a fraction of a second, but you notice because you always do. You mimic him, flicking your eyes over his soft, pink lips and back to his deep, sweet brown eyes.

He moves first, but you’re quick to follow, and Eddie catches your lips with his, and you fight the urge to once again burst into tears. The kiss is one you haven’t felt in so long, like sleeping in your own bed after months being crammed inside a van or a two star motel. It’s a deep, yearning type of kiss you hadn’t known you were missing. Eddie moves a hand to cradle your head, like he’s holding the most valuable thing in the world. He’s gentle, almost timid, like the wrong move will ruin everything, break you both into pieces you won’t be able to fit back together. His lips are so soft, with no aggression or anxiety behind them, no nervous, frantic energy like he needs to consume you before you disappear. He takes his time, and you swim in the calm of it all. You rest your hand on his jaw, your finger lightly brushing his ear, the other stuck with your palm against his chest, squished between your bodies.

The last time Eddie kissed you like this was the day before he almost died. Before he cut that stupid sheet rope and tried to be a hero, he’d held you like you were the only thing on earth worth dying for. This time, though, there’s no rush, no impending doom to cut it short. You wonder if you’re pushing it, if this is too much for him, because it’s almost too much for you.

You pull away for a second. “Is this allowed?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “I think I know what you’re asking, but what do you mean?”

“Like, while you’re recovering. Shouldn’t you be more focused on that?”

Eddie shrugs. “Probably. And I will be. But I’m sober right now, at least, and all I can think about is you. And now you know everything, and you still kiss me like I’ve always been worthy of it. Even when I’m still not.”

“Do I really know everything now?” You lace your fingers through his and resume your walk.

He looks at you. “Do you have more questions?”

You have so many, but you’re so tired, so emotionally drained. “What do you think about, when you think about me?”

Eddie snorts a laugh at your question and you hide your face in your free hand. “Nothing good. You’re under my skin, doll. Always have been. Hey, look at that,” you look to where he’s pointing, the bright lights of the 7-Eleven store. “I’m kinda over coffee. You wanna watch a movie? For old time’s sake?” You nod wordlessly as your heart skips about, and he opens the door for you so you can grab some snacks instead.

-

Another hotel room, with boring white walls and bright white bed sheets. Eddie’s suitcases already sit in the corner, placed there by the hotel staff, complimentary mints on the pillows. Eddie flicks the bedside lamps on before fiddling with the remote, and you immediately realize, you’re once again without your own clothes. “Could I borrow-“ Eddie throws a shirt that lands perfectly draped over your face and you’re overwhelmed with his scent. “Thanks.” You deadpan, removing the fabric. He’s tossed a pair of his shorts onto the bed in front of you as well, and you’re silently grateful, because you wouldn’t have asked for them. He quickly flings his shirt off his head, and you watch as he swaps his jeans for a pair of worn flannel pajama pants.

Eddie then clicks the TV on, searching the channels aimlessly for something to watch before quickly giving up, muting it on a late night talk show. “How are you doing?” He’s already sprawled on the bed, resting his head in his hand to look at you, still in your clothes.

“I’m just digesting, I guess.” You face away from him to pull your sweat soaked shirt over your head and toss it on the floor, feeling his eyes on your bare back. You never wear a bra onstage, but you’re regretting it now. You yank Eddie’s shirt over your head to hide your butt as you yank your tights down, suddenly very aware of the color of your panties: red, and far too lacy for these circumstances. You yank Eddie’s boxers up your legs, and feel decent enough to face him again.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” He blurts as you slide into the space next to him, on top of the covers still.

“What do you mean?”

“After dark, sharing a bed, sharing my clothes,” He gestures to you, dressed head to toe in Eddie Couture. “Someone might see us. People are gonna start getting suspicious.”

“You think they’re not already?” You shift to lay on your side, now looking at him straight on. “We aren’t exactly being discrete as of late.”

He gives you a half shrug. “Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?”

“The fans, making assumptions.”

You think about your choice of words. “I thought it would. I think it bothered me more that they weren’t right.”

Eddie cracks a goofy smile, and you swat at him uselessly. “You want to be having a steamy secret affair with the douchebag frontman of Corroded Coffin?” He teases, poking at you.

“Oh, shut up.” There’s no malice in your voice. “You know what I mean. They have it all figured out. We’re together, in love, not ready to share it with the world or whatever. Much less complicated than whatever it is we’re actually doing.”

Eddie considers this for a moment. “Guess that’s true. I don’t think I could explain any of what we’re doing to Steve, let alone the public.”

You sigh. Poor, ignorant Steve. There’s only so much you’d be able to tell him for sure. “He’d have a heart attack.”

“I’ve already spooked him enough for a whole lifetime, I can’t drop this bomb on him too.”

“Let’s not worry about that. We don’t even know what we’re doing.”

“I just know I wanna keep doing it.” The way he says it sends you reeling instantly, drawing you into him, closing the distance between his lips and yours. You melt into him, wrapping your leg around his waist as he grips the flesh of your hip. Your hand slides effortlessly into his hair, tangling around your fingers, pulling a moan from Eddie’s throat as you tug him further into you. You can feel his gentry twitch in his pants, only a few thin layers of fabric separating him from your core. You roll your hips against him, sighing as his tip bumps against your clit, desperate for friction.

Eddie moves, latching his lips onto your throat causing your brain to fog. Your chest heaves as he nips at your skin, marking you, making your head swim with pleasure. You feel his fingers toying with the hem of his t-shirt, his calloused fingers sliding under the fabric to caress your skin, sending chills up and down your whole body. You shiver, and he pulls away. “Wanna stop?”

“Shouldn’t we?”

“That’s not what I asked.”

So you kiss him again, hungrier now. You help him yank his shirt over your head, abandoning it on the floor next to yours. Eddie shifts again, pressing your bare chest against his before breaking the kiss suddenly. “May I, uh,” He stutters like he’s a nervous teenager again, as if he’s seeing his first pair of boobs ever.

“Please.” You sigh, and it propels Eddie on, shifting down the bed until he’s eye level with your chest.

“God, I missed you.” He rasps, and you don’t have time to ask if he’s talking to you or your tits before he runs his tongue over your nipple, pulling a whine from your throat. You feel his other hand slide down your torso, freezing when it reaches the waistband of his boxers. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you let me take care of you?”

—

chapter XIX

haha hehe hahahahah ha ha. ha

tag list: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills @littlepotatobeansworld @poisonedluv @kellsck @m-chmcl-rmnc

[sapphicthunderhead]

I need to talk about Dr. Manuela Dominguez (from The Magnus Archives). This woman Drives Me Insane. [TL; DR at the bottom.]

She is initially presented as a textbook mad scientist: a disgraced astrophysicist bent on ending the world as we know it. But with every nuance and detail introduced about this character over the course of the narrative, my understanding of her shifted. By the end, I felt as if the person she described at the beginning of her first Statement was completely divorced from the twisted thing she became— which is the repugnant truth of what happens to Fear Avatars.

Some key details from her first Statement that really struck me: 1) I can really see myself in her love for physics and her ambition. 2) Her alienation from her fanatically religious, “vicious” parents is a big contributor to her downfall, but never remotely presented as an excuse for her actions. 3) She is so utterly unrepentant.

Regarding her parents: She saw the inconsistencies and hypocrisy in their bigoted beliefs about what is “unnatural,” likely in part because, she says, “I found myself crossing that line from an early age. Although, strangely, out of everything I was, it was always my desire to pursue a scientific career that they railed against with the most energy” (MAG 135: Dark Matter).

(I could be projecting, but this line has caused me to speculate that she might also be gay. If so, it would certainly add another level of pain &/or frustration to her home situation.)

But young Dominguez disregards her parents’ ludicrous exhortations and goes on to become an an expert on dark matter (mysterious masses that cover much of the universe and do not emit, absorb, or interact with photons) and dark energy (mysterious force which may be responsible for the expansion of the universe).

It is in the process of researching these phenomena that she has a spiritual awakening of the worst kind. She soon becomes a disciple and eventually second-in-command to Maxwell Rayner, ringleader of the cult of the Dark, the Church of the Divine Host (said Host being Rayner). As a cultist, she goes on a mission aboard the vessel of allied Fears that is the Daedalus space station. There, she creates The Extinguished Sun— a sun made of dark matter, which the Church uses as a focal point in their ritual of the same name to bring about eternal darkness.

That brings us to the point where this character loses my sympathy in the same way Callum (Rayner’s partial reincarnation?) did in S5. The Extinguished Sun ritual involves keeping Marked individuals (which events in S5 lead me to fear may be predominantly children) trapped and terrified in the dark for extended periods of time, and then sacrificing them to the Dark via drowning, in a callback to the manner in which Halley/Rayner was killed/reborn as a vessel of the infinite darkness that predates time itself.

So How Am I To Cope??? Do you know how often I come across women as mad scientists in media— let alone ones who are ambiguously implied to be gay?! Not often!

But there is a possibility she kills kids, and I can’t tolerate that shite, so all I am left with is immeasurable disappointment in her lack of conscience, and in her for joining a cult instead of getting therapy, and in her parents for being dicks, and in those who have purveyed ignorance and engaged in cruelty “in the name of God” both historically and unto the modern day, and in society for the continued existence of systemic sexism (and other biases), and in the limited number of women, POC, and LGBT+ individuals portrayed as mad (and regular, marginally less fun) scientists in media, etc… It’s quite the web of inequity and suffering, stretching between this world and the fictional.

Dr. Manuela Dominguez is a character who makes me sad that there aren’t more women mad scientist characters in media. If there were, it perhaps might not hurt so much to see her progress from someone whose trials, goals, and motivations I can understand and empathize with, to an unredeemable child killer.

To clarify, I don’t believe the author’s writing of this character was bad or sexist. I don’t feel the same morose regret about what could have been when it comes to Jude Perry; I do when it comes to Agnes Montague; I don’t when it comes to Gertrude; etc. I think that Jonny intended for the audience to at least passively ponder the person that Dr. Dominguez could have been, under different circumstances. It is a feature of the writing of all the Avatars.

One of the core themes of the series is this: How do circumstances (such as economic systems, wink wink nudge nudge) shape people? Dr. Dominguez is just one of many disheartening answers to that question.

TL;DR: Dr. Dominguez started out as a victim of bad parenting, and eventually into an even more sick and twisted version of her parents, who she despised as a child for their zealotry and cruelty. But this might not hurt me so bad to think about if 1) I didn’t relate so much to her younger self, as an aspiring physicist and a sapphic trying to shake off the message that everything that brings me joy is “unnatural” and 2) if she wasn’t the first character I thought of when trying to recall women mad scientists in media.

For those who feel like looking for other fem mad scientists in podcasts, I believe Ava the theoretical physicist from Midnight Burger and doctor/assassin Vespa Ilkay from Penumbra both count. For a sane fem scientist, try the marine biologist protagonist from DOWN. If you think of any others in any kind of media, you’re welcome to respond in the comments or tags.

(I know of Poison Ivy, as well as the more sane Dr. Sattler from “Jurassic Park” and Dr. Calvin from Isaac Asimov’s “I, Robot,” and I appreciate them. You may leave them out of the replies.)

[sumu-samu]

(Broken) Trust

This was something I thought up from two comments on Geordi’s episode Your Boyfriend Finally Draws The Line. One said something about Cutie having a panic attack after Geordi left and another kinda piggybacked off that with saying how even if Cutie got the help, and Geordi forgave them that they would never forgive themselves and live in constant fear they would hurt him again. So… angst. 

Italics is things playing in Cuties head and the bold italics is what they were thinking in the moment of the fight 

CW: stereotypical/fictional display of a panic attack, argument, disassociation, mental distress, and severe angst. (Lmk if I missed anything)

multiple chapters

master list | part 2

Why are you like this

Of course I’m mad. Fuck you-

I’m asking you for 20 or 30 minutes. Why is that a problem?

That is not fair to me. Don’t say that.

Why are you like this

Do you know how hurtful it is

Fuck you-

Cutie just stood there, all of Geordi’s words swirling around in their head.

Sometimes I just want some space for myself

Don’t… DON’T

Why can’t my words ever be enough for you

Geordi was right, all they did was push and push and push. They were being so fucking toxic. 

Giving me space is not some gift you’re granting me. It’s… it’s a right that you’re respecting.

Don’t guilt me for asking for it

That is not fair to me

Don’t give it conditionally

You’re not really giving it at all

Subconsciously they knew that it would come to this, but they were to blind to see that the way they acted was bringing this end closer and sooner. 

It’s not easy for me to just not care

My feelings aren’t just some problem you can solve

Even if that would be convenient for you.

They think everything’s about them

Selfish, that’s what they were. They were too insecure to take Geordi’s feelings into account. They were too obsessed with what others were thinking about themselves to care that Geordi needed space.

It’s like you don’t even hear me

Because I’m tired. And you don’t seem to have much to say anyway. 

Are we too different

They don’t get it, they don’t get me

I have drawn a line, and they keep crossing it

Maybe trying isn’t enough

It wasn’t, trying wasn’t enough. Because regardless of how hard they tried it always ended up the same. 

I’m upset. But that doesn’t mean I want you gone.

I’m not mad, just tired

I want them in my life

 Did he? Did he still want them in his life? After all they had done.

They think back to the talk they had just had before he walked out.

Is the why really going to make a difference? I already know why you did it. The same reason you always do *he’s going to leave* because the thought of not knowing what someone thinks all the time pushes you to this place where you just- *loud, loud, mad. He’s mad. He should be. You fucked up* 

It was everything they were scared of but they couldn’t do that to Geordi. They couldn’t lie, they couldn’t hide it from him. They loved him. He understood how hard it was to be honest. Of course he did, he was Geordi, the best thing to ever have happened to them. 

Honesty after the fact… and then apology… aren’t going to be enough for me.. anymore *way to go dumbass. He’s gone, he hates you. He should. What’s wrong with you* because… because apologies are just words…. Words you keep on saying.

He was right. The amount of times they said sorry, you coulda filled a whole pool with it. 

I lost three years of myself, and my health, and my happiness to that. And I’m not gonna do that again *happiness, you don’t make him happy. Miserable, he’s miserable. How could you?* 

They never wanted to take his happiness away. To be compared to his ex. An ex they didn’t know much about but they knew was a piece of shit. 

I need to go. I’ll text you when I get there. Goodbye. 

And just like that, he walked out. And they were left there, alone, in silence, so so so much silence. They could feel their heart begin to speed up. Faster and faster, it felt like it would beat straight out of their chest. Their lungs moved with their heart, expanding and contracting faster and faster, their chest burned. They were already crying before Geordi walked out. Their legs gave out, Cutie fell to the ground right there in the kitchen. Chest heaving, mind racing, face flooded with salty tears. They began to shake, they couldn’t stop it. 

“G-G-Geordi” they wheezed. But no matter how hard they tried to call out, Geordi left, he was gone. He wouldn’t even care to come to their side to calm them down. 

They tried so hard to think of the next best person. But they couldn’t. All that ran through their head was Geordi and his words. 

They were able to find the strength to get their phone out and call the last person they texted. 

“Cutie! Hey! Wha-… Cutie?” They could hear the rapid breathing that came from Cutie. “What’s goin’ on? Are you okay? Where are you?” 

“Home… help… please” they struggled to get it out. 

[avese23]

Can’t deal with people who act all personally aggrieved that they can’t personalize the entire internet to their personal happy place. Especially people who then go out looking for things to get mad at

(This isn’t about people venting about trolls or harassment. It sucks. I’m sorry. Fuck bullies and bigots. This also isn’t about flash warnings, and anything that keeps people with epilepsy safe)

But like, it’s not other people’s job to read your mind and guess what hyperspecific trigger you have then manually tag everything for one person. I’ve seen people ask creators to tag images with the character their blog is about. Just block the blog. That’s not a safe blog for you.

It’s not other people’s job to explain that fucked up shit in fiction is not real. You’re not a child and we’re not your parents here to hold your hand and reassure you that the actor is only playing dead.

I think a good example of effective content warnings is Hazbin. They’re not gonna put one up every individual episode to tell you a show full of swearing and gore is gonna have swearing and gore. But episode 4 is more graphic than any other episode so it’s given a separate warning. Because someone signing up for the rest of the episodes might genuinely be taken aback by that one.

Or Hashtag Ruthless Productions always putting heavy topics in their politics section. Asking for a warning every episode would be silly when you can just skip the politics section. You know it’s gonna be venting and politics. So don’t be surprised when it’s about politics. But if they talk about dark topics that aren’t typically brought up in that fandom they do give warning. For instance most people wouldn’t expect a discussion about eating disorders when the hosts talk about the cult in Wayward Son. Or a spoiler for Star Trek in a podcast about Buffy. So *then* it makes sense.

It’s social kindness and being stewardess to recognize when you as a creator are putting out something unexpectedly and objectively shocking to people who didn’t consent to it. It’s not other people’s job however, to use common sense for you. Or to read your mind. Don’t click on a video about a movie and get mad at spoilers for that mobile. Don’t read the Bible and get mad about major character death (Christian’s don’t come after me with a ‘well actually’ I haven’t read it 😭)

Speaking of Christianity if you’re someone who gets mad at Christian’s being upset by goths wearing crosses (which is silly) but then get upset by what people are writing about your blorbos on ao3 you might wanna do some soul searching.

So no I don’t care about your DNI list. No I don’t care that you only want virgos to reblog your post about Home Depot. No I don’t care that you can’t tell the difference between an anime character and a person, between real life and a plot point, between internet drama and an actual crime. I find that dude from Friends ugly af to that point I cringe but I’m not gonna go harass fandom accounts or look up every bad thing the characters done and accuse blogs of being bad people. I don’t like a lot of ATLA ships and think both Zutara and Kataang are morally gross af but I’m not gonna say the writers or the fans are sympathizing with pedophilia or abuse. Cuz that’s ridiculous.

When I publish works I’m gonna make it clear what kind of story it is. And then I’m gonna step back and tell the fucking story. I’m not gonna pop up every other chapter to warn people that a gay character calls another gay character a fag affectionately. Or a character in a toxic relationship *shocker* is having a bad time. I’m not gonna tell people that the horror work has gore and a jump scare. It’s horror.

Cuz I’m not gonna infantilize my audience and trust that they can set their own boundaries when it comes to stories they want to consume. No one is forcing them.

Media isn’t sex you don’t have to check in with every escalation. Entertainment isn’t your textbook, Phillip Schuyler is allowed to have no sons. A character isn’t your child they’re allowed to wear what they want and go on dangerous ass quests.

It’s frustrating being told to choose between assholes who project their own privilege onto others and assholes who project their own trauma onto others. Nuance exists.

Now block me dear lord, you’re doing the inventor of the block button a disservice when you get off on being pissed off

[i-like-to-analyze-stuff]

Ok I have never posted on Tumblr before, but have a LOT of thoughts about Taylor’s curated playlists corresponding to the 5 stages of grief, so I’m jumping in!

My first impression was of course sadness about all the Joe love songs in here. I mean, she literally put the song “Lover” in “Denial!” Yikes. But when I did a deeper dive and tabulated which song subjects were in which lists, some interesting patterns emerged. If you don’t care about all the details, just jump to the end for the totals. Interesting, huh?

I have to tag @taylor-on-your-dash because they are my hero! Most of my opinions on who each song is about come from their incredible data on when each song was written, which I’ve cross-referenced with who Taylor was dating at that time. Obviously these are just opinions, but they are based on a lot of research!

OK here we go:

Denial:

Lavender Haze—Joe

Snow on the Beach—Joe

Sweet Nothing—Joe

Glitch—Joe

Betty—fictional, but written with Joe

Willow—Joe

Cruel Summer—Tom

Lover—Joe (ouch!)

Miss Americana—not romantic (2016 election)

False God—Joe

Style—Harry

Wildest Dreams—possibly Alex Skarsgard?

Treacherous—Harry

Untouchable—she didn’t write it

That’s When—non-famous person

Ours—John

Superman—John

Bejeweled—Calvin, but she also wore a “bejeweled” dress when she did a surprise appearance at a 1975 show a few months before her breakup with Joe was announced, so this could refer to being in denial about Matty being able to be a decent human being lol

Anger:

Vigilante Shit—not romantic (scooter)

High Infidelity—Calvin (positive about Joe though, at least he gets a break here!)

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve—John

Exile—I think fictional, but written with Joe

Illicit Affairs—I think fictional but who knows?

Mad Woman—not romantic (Scooter)

Tolerate It—fictional (plot of the book Rebecca)

Bad Blood—not romantic (Katy feud)

Is It Over Now?—Harry

I Knew You Were Trouble—Harry (yes I know there’s debate about this, but I remain firmly convinced that, even if she didn’t start this about him, in the end it was definitely about him)

We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together—Jake

The Last Time—Jake

The Moment I Knew—Jake

Babe—Jake

I Bet You Think About Me—Jake

Dear John—John

Better Than Revenge—Joe Jonas/girl he left Taylor for

Tell Me Why—non-famous person

You’re Not Sorry—non-famous person

Forever & Always—Joe Jonas

Mr Perfectly Fine--Joe Jonas

Bargaining:

The Great War—Joe

This is Me Trying—I think fictional

Peace—Joe

The Archer—Joe

Cornelia Street—Joe (oh, this one hurts!)

Death by a Thousand Cuts—fictional (inspired by a movie but the movie writer was inspired by 1989 so I guess semi Harry?)

Soon You’ll Get Better—not romantic (her mom’s cancer 😢)

Afterglow—Joe

I Wish You Would—Harry

Say Don’t Go—Harry

Come Back Be Here—Harry (I know there’s debate about this too but I’m in the Harry camp)

Better Man—Jake

The Story of Us—John

Haunted—Joe Jonas

Come In With the Rain—non-famous person

The Other Side of the Door—non-famous person

If This Was a Movie—Joe Jonas

Renegade—Joe

Depression:

Bigger Than the Whole Sky—non-romantic (miscarriage?)

Dear Reader—non-romantic (self-doubt)

Maroon—Jake? I think? Honestly I still can’t figure this one out for sure.

You’re Losing Me—Joe

My Tears Ricochet—non-romantic (Scott Borchetta)

Epiphany—non-romantic (war/pandemic)

Hoax—I think Scott Borchetta, so non-romantic? But possibly also Joe? I think she said in this one she was writing about multiple things.

Champagne Problems—I think fictional, but written with Joe

Coney Island—I think fictional, but written with Joe

Right Where You Left Me—I think fictional

Nothing New—non-romantic (self-doubt)

All Too Well—Jake

Forever Winter—non-romantic (friend with mental health issues)

We Were Happy—non-famous person

Last Kiss—Joe Jonas

Castles Crumbling—non-romantic (self-doubt)

Carolina—fictional (for a movie)

White Horse—non-famous person

Acceptance:

You’re On Your Own Kid—non-romantic (self confidence)

Midnight Rain--non-famous person

Labyrinth—Joe

The 1—I think fictional

August—fictional

Invisible String—Joe (finally, a happy song about Joe! This one is touching. Like I guess she’s accepting that they were fated to be together but not end up together?)

Happiness—I think not personal—supposedly about Abigail’s divorce

Long Story Short—another happy song about Joe! Wow!

Closure—nonromantic (Karlie friendship breakup)

Evermore—possibly fictional, but written with Joe

It’s Time to go—nonromantic (Karlie friendship breakup)

I Forgot That You Existed—Calvin

Daylight—another happy song about Joe!

This Love—Harry

Clean—Harry

Now That We Don’t Talk—Harry

Begin Again—supposedly Will Anderson (lead singer of Parachute)

Innocent—non-romantic (Kanye)

Breathe—non-romantic (close friend/fiddle player in her band left the band)

Totals (romantic only, not including fictional)—this really says it all!

Denial: 7 Joe, 2 Harry, 2 John, 1 each Calvin, Tom, possible Alex

Anger: 5 Jake, 3 Joe Jonas, 2 John, 2 Harry, 1 Calvin

Bargaining: 6 Joe, 3 Harry, 2 Joe Jonas, 1 each Jake & John

Depression: 2 Jake, 1 each Joe Alwyn and Jonas

Acceptance: 4 Joe, 3 Harry, 1 each Calvin and Will Anderson

So, basically, with Joe, and to a lesser degree Harry, the main feelings were denial, bargaining, and acceptance. Whereas with Jake and Joe Jonas it’s about anger, plus a lot of depression about Jake. And John gets a healthy dose of denial and anger. Sounds about right!

But also, to all the people ready to attack Joe when TTPD comes out, I think it’s important to point out that he’s not even ON the “Anger” list at all. Yes, things ended. Yes, it’s sad. She was sad. But that doesn’t mean he’s a terrible guy.

Oh, and Taylor L. is nowhere on the list! Yes, he is definitely the best ex lol.

[unknownarmageddon]

Geddon you can’t say that and not share the playlist /lh

Oh god you’ve opened the flood gates with this one /j/j

OKAY so! Before I get really into this I was stress that these are songs I image Cross LISTENS to. These aren’t supposed to be representative of his character or anything like that. I just think he’d like these songs and also some just have his vibe and that’s it. So it’s not that strict or anything. But! anyway

In no particular order whatsoever here is my Cross playlist (with links and also some commentary because I am ill)

The good ones are at the end I apologize lmao

Achilles Come Down - Gang Of Youths

Can’t explain it but it just radiates something he’d listen to. Especially if he’s having a Day

All 4 Nothing (I’m So In Love) - Lauv

After Dark - Mr. Kitty

Animals - Maroon 4 (Living in Fiction cover)

Arcade - Duncan Laurence

Mentioning this now but I definitely see him listening to slower, more heavy music most of the time. Like I feel like he’d listen to music to Feel something usually, while Killer would listen to music to forget feeling things y’know

Arms Tonite - Mother Mother

I’ve ALWAYS seen him listening to mother mother religiously and I really need to add more of their songs to this playlist

Baby Annihilation - Fall Out Boy

He’d listen to it and it’d strike something in him (he just like me fr)

Bad Liar - Imagine Dragons

Idk I feel like he’d listen to imagine dragons

bedroom community - glass beach

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

Beggin’ - Måneskin

Also definitely see him liking maneskin

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Bones - Imagine Dragons

Boy Bi - Mad Tsai

Do I need to explain (he’d hear it and be like omg me fr)

Call Me What You Like - Lovejoy

I’ve said this a lot about other bands but I DEFINITELY see him liking lovejoy

Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas

Counting Stars - OneRepublic

Maybe?? Rethinking this one a bit now but I think he’d like it in some contexts

Cradles - Sub Urban

This one may be a bit more Dust than Cross BUT that could mean that Dust showed it to him and he liked it or something idk

Crawling - LINKIN PARK

Sorta the same situation as cradles actually. Also I feel like Cross would blast heavy metal through earbuds while externally maintaining and entirely straight face FJFHF /hj Also I just see him liking linkin park

Crush - Ethal Cain

Cupid’s Chokehold / Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heroes

Maybe???

Devil Town - Cavetown

Cavetown. (This one especially)

Discord - The Living Tombstone

LISTEN. Listen I know it’s a mlp song. I think??? But idk I just think he would BAHA

Everything Is Temporary (Sticks And Stones) - Cavetown

Faint - LINKIN PARK

Fake Out - Fall Out Boy

This one is extremely Cross to me like I think he’d learn to play it on his guitar or something idk LMAO

Flu Game - Fall Out Boy

Maybe it’s cause I’m unwell about fob but fall out boy seems very Cross to me

Fireflies - Owl City

I think he would go through a phase where he’s obsessed with owl city for like a month then lose most interest later (not me projecting from personal experience for no reason BAHA)

For You - Cavetown

Relistening to this for the sake of this post and yeah. Yeah he would

Friction - Imagine Dragons

Eh??

Get Used To It - Ricky Montgomery

glass beach - glass beach

golden hour - JVKE

Definitely see him really liking this one

Guilty - Cavetown

Heartbreak Feels So Good - Fall Out Boy

Heavydirtysoul - twenty one pilots

Hold Me Like A Grudge - Fall Out Boy

I like to think he and Killer would like this one together :]

I Will Wait - Mumford and Sons

Another one I’m not too sure on but I could still somewhat see him liking

Internet Ruined Me - Wilbur Soot

It’s Alright - Mother Mother

It’s Called: Freefall - Rainbow Kitten Surprised

Same situation as Achilles come down basically

The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) - Fall Out Boy

Level Of Concern - twenty one pilots

Love From The Other Side - Fall Out Boy

Loved - Fein

Mary On A Cross - Ghost

I feel like he’d get too caught up in appreciating it for its emotion rather than realizing the connotations fhfhfh

Meet Me At Our Spot - THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, and Tyler Cole

This is another very Kross song to me. Like he and Killer love this song in my mind forever

Moral Of The Story - Ashe

My Alcoholic Friends - The Dresden Dolls

To me I like to think Killer showed him this song and Cross was like “hell yeah this slaps” or something idk fhfhf

Not Easy - X Ambassadors, Elle King, and Wiz Khalifa

Oh Ana - Mother Mother

Oh Yeah, You Gonna Cry? - Lovejoy

Didn’t mention this earlier but I feel like Killer showed him lovejoy cause lovejoy is also very Killer to me

One Day - Lovejoy

Most Cross lovejoy one on here imo I think

Parents - Yungblood

Thinking about it now this one is DEFINITELY more Killer than Cross but. In some contexts I can see Killer either showing it to Cross or Cross just listening to it y’know

Papercut - LINKIN PARK

Perfume - Lovejoy

Pork Soda - Glass Animals

Renegades - X Ambassadors

Riptide - Vance Joy

Not sure what it is about this one but to me Cross would definitely listen to this one like

Rocket Man (I Think It’s Going To Be A Long Long Time) - Elton John

Rockstar - BoyWithUke

Runaway - AURORA

Save Tonight - Eagle-Eye Cherry

Sex Sells - Lovejoy

Shadow of the Day - LINKIN PARK

Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Clash

So Much (For) Stardust - Fall Out Boy

Space Ghost Coast To Coast - Glass Animals

Still Into You - Paramore

Sunroof - Nicky Youre and Dazy

Can see this one in the context of like. More upbeat aus or situations or whatever y’know

SUPERMODEL - Måneskin

Sweater Weather - The Neighborhood

Another VERY cross song to me

Tangerine - Glass Animals

Taunt - Lovejoy

Tear In My Heart - Twenty One Pilots

The lyrics for this one are a bit more Killer but. Like I said this is a song I think he’d listen to so. I’d say they both would

Teeth - 5 Seconds Of Summer

Toes - Glass Animals

West Coast Tragedy - Mitch Jones, Ouse, Kala, and Judge & Jury

West Coast - Imagine Dragons

Unrelated to the song but I did NOT put those two next to each other on purpose lmao

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing - NateWantsToBattle (I think this one’s a cover?)

Not too sure about this one but I can see it so it’s here

yoshi’s island - glass beach

You’ll Understand When You’re Older - Lovejoy

Alien Blues - Vundabar

Idk there’s something about this one that gives me Cross but like. In a high school AU??? Idk there’s just some indescribable vibe here I correlate with Cross

Fall In Love With A Girl - Cavetown

Maggot Belly - awfultune

Someone suggested this one to me for Cross once and they were so right he would

The Weeping Song (2010 remastered version) - Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds

The Joker - Steve Miller Band

This one reminds me of Killer and I’m just gonna say Cross listens to it for that reason. Also cause I just think he’d like it and would

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

THIS ONE. This one man this one I can so see Cross liking

No Children - The Mountain Goats

Weeping

Good Grief - Bastille

In Bloom - Nirvana

Cross would like Nirvana no discussion

I Love Rock N’ Roll - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

I can see him liking older rock (if that wasn’t obvious by the songs up until now LMAO /lh)

Verbatim - Mother Mother

Hayloft II - Mother Mother

Hayloft 1 too. Most stereotypical song for a character playlist I know but I just think he would

Body - Mother Mother

Forgotten Souls - Mother Mother

Sick Of The Silence - Mother Mother

Stay Behind - Mother Mother

The Knack - Mother Mother

Life - Mother Mother

Infinitesimal - Mother Mother

Bit by Bit - Mother Mother

Psycho Killer - The Talking Heads

Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

Francis Forever - Mitski

THIS ONE okay this is another that screams Cross to me

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

Daylight - David Kushner

Portrait of a Blank Slate - Lovejoy

Consequences - Lovejoy

Their whole new album is very Cross actually

Scum - Lovejoy

It’s Golden Hour Somewhere - Lovejoy

Humans - KLOUD

Rolling in the Deep - Adele

The only adele song he likes /hj (I hardly know any other adele songs)

Grrrls - AViVA

Stressed Out - Twenty One Pilots

Eat Your Young - Hozier

Wish I Knew You - The Revivalists

Creep - Radiohead

Something In The Way - Nirvana

Starman (2012 Remaster) - David Bowie

Okay that’s it!! The links should be to the songs, and there aren’t links for every song cause there was no way in hell I was doing that. Also the links they are there are very sparse cause good lord I was getting tired BAHA

But yeah!! here’s my silly little skeleton playlist cackles

[taylorswiftandx]

Taylor Swift and Won't

'Taylor Swift'

Picture To Burn: That's fine, you won't mind if I say, by the way

Teardrops On My Guitar: Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

You're Not Sorry: You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone

Untouchable: It's half full and I won't wait here all day

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Sparks Fly: You're the kind of reckless that should send me running but I kinda know that I won't get far

Sparks Fly: And lead me up the staircase, won't you whisper soft and slow?

Dear John: Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through again

Never Grow Up: I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

Better Than Revenge: Soon she's gonna find stealing other people's toys on the playground won't make you many friends

Haunted: Oh, holding my breath, won't lose you again

Haunted: Oh, holding my breath, won't see you again

Haunted: Something's gone terribly wrong, won't finish what you started

Electric Touch: Still hoping that the fire won’t burn me just one time, just one time

Electric Touch: And you won’t need space or string me along while you decide

When Emma Falls In Love: She won’t walk away unless she absolutely has to leave

When Emma Falls In Love: She won’t lose herself in love the way that I did

I Can See You: You won’t believe half the things I see inside my head

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

All Too Well: Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

22: It feels like one of those nights, we won't be sleeping

The Last Time: This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore

Ronan: What if I kept me hand-me-downs you won't grow into?

Babe: I'm here on the kitchen floor, you call, but I won't hear it

Forever Winter: I say, "Believe in one thing, I won't go away"

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Shake It Off: But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving

Shake It Off: Won't you come on over, baby, we can shake, shake, shake

Bad Blood: And time can heal but this won't, so if you're coming my way, just don't

I Know Places: Baby, I know places we won't be found

I Know Places: Let them say what they want, we won't hear it

Clean: Ten months older, I won't give in, now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it

“Slut!”: I’ll pay the price, you won’t

Say Don’t Go: Oh no, oh no, it won’t stop

Say Don’t Go: Halfway out the door, but it won’t close

Say Don’t Go: I’m trying to see the cards that you won’t show

Say Don’t Go: But you won’t, but you won’t, but you won’t

Sweeter Than Fiction: Someday you won't remember this pain you thought would last forever and ever

'reputation'

(no won't)

'Lover'

I Think He Knows: I think he knows he'd better lock it down or I won't stick around 'cause good ones never wait

Soon You'll Get Better: I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try

Soon You'll Get Better: This won't go back to normal if it ever was

'folklore'

Seven: Sweet tea in the summer, cross your heart, won't tell no other

Seven: And we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry

Seven: Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart, won't tell no other

Mad Woman: They say, "Move on," but you know I won't

Betty: Betty, I won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but I think it’s ‘cause of me

'evermore'

Champagne Problems: You won't remember all my champagne problems

Gold Rush: At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit

'Tis The Damn Season: I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay

Right Where You Left Me: Time went on for everybody else, we won't know it

'Midnights'

Would've, Could've, Should've: The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

Would've, Could've, Should've: The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

Would've, Could've, Should've: If clarity's in death then why won't this die?

You’re Losing Me: We thought a cure would come through in time, now I fear it won’t

You’re Losing Me: I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore

Karma (feat. Ice Spice): So I keep my head up, my bread up, I won’t let up, never

Other Songs written by Taylor

Carolina: Carolina pines, won't you cover me?

I Heart ?: And I know someday you will wake up and smell the breakup, realize that we won't make up

Official Alternate Releases

Haunted (2010 Version): Oh, I'm holding my breath, won't lose you again

Haunted (2010 Version): Oh, I'm holding my breath, won't see you again

Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes): See I finally got you now, honey, I won't let you fall

Gold Rush (Clean Version): At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian wit

[mrsblackruby]

Once again if you don’t want me to interact as a Billy fan say Billy fans don’t interact. That’s all u should say. I will respect it but …

Don’t say it’s because Ur all racists or something that’s spreading false narratives about us online because if you do at that point it’s not about communicating a boundary. It’s you wanting to disrespect ours so At that point I will clap back if I choose to.

Just say Billy fans don’t interact. Then don’t interact or say shit about us.

Respect garners respect. If you aren’t bringing me up in conversation or advocating for something harmful and you’ve communicated u don’t care to hear me out. I will shut the tf up plain and simple. I would not jump to add anything related to the conversation u started online anymore cuz I would feel like there would be no need to rebuttal further cuz I wouldn’t care.

If you just want to shit talk Billy the character and don’t want his fans to see I understand and I won’t care to engage.

At that point i would feel in the wrong for pressing the issue but if u want 2 shit talk about other fans then say Billy fans DNI then ur coming off to me as a completely scary ass Mfer coward. Don’t bring us up u crossed the boundary first. It shouldn’t be expected 4 people not to engage when ur calling them lower than life. I’m gonna tell u ur a wrong fuck & say be damned to ur nebulous DNI. U can’t respect it ur self.

It’s like u saying you don’t want to be my friend then u keep saying shit about me and getting mad when I defend myself. It’s immaturity.

Don’t want to be friendly then shut the fuck up or expect me to god Damn respond until u block me cuz u can’t defend ur self 😝. That’s doesn’t mean I’m condoning online harassment no never I condone self defense.

I don’t come in the anti tags posting Billy Hargrove p*rn out of respect cuz y’all have communicated repetitively he makes you uncomfortable. I feel differently about Billy’s character tho. Don’t come in the anti tag expecting submission & silence because u have a don’t interact but can’t stop talking shit. Block if u must but it’s not cuz you’ve been wronged it’s because u couldn’t back ur self up.

Just shit talk Billy Hargrove the character don’t diss real human beings and expect them not to show up and clap back. that’s a completely different thing.

Not every Billy fan blocks the anti Billy tag u shouldn’t expect them to. But you shouldn’t shit talk em. In ur echo chamber then act like they’ve poisoned u by choosing to retaliate.

I expect pro Billy post in pro Billy tags.

I expect anti Billy posts in anti Billy tags.

If I see someone has shit to say about me myself and I as a Billy Hargrove fan myself in either tags I will defend until u get my name out ur mouth or run away scared or until I don’t care or until I block u. But I might chose to engage know that.

Expect people to engage when u put something online if you don’t want Billy fans to engage make it clear. Don’t defame their personal character. That’s all u have to do to ensure most Billy fans respect ur DNI; If you don’t want them to engage. Then if a fan of Billy’s does engage anyway they’re the one who disregarded ur boundaries. If u can’t simply do that then you’ve disregard theirs. They haven’t somehow wronged u by sharing their opinion about themselves in a conversation u brang them up in wth. 

Now if you’re complaining about the treatment of some Billy fans make it clear ur talking about some and u don’t think it’s some inherent threat to like and relate to a fictional character.

If u think being a fan of Billy is an unhealthy threat to ur personhood expect clap back

I don’t think being an anti is an inherent threat it depends on how you move do u respect fans of a character in fandom or do u want smoke.

I really don’t gaf if you don’t like Billy or see the story differently. Just respect other fans in fandom. If u can’t do that don’t expect other fans to submit to ur will.

Anyway if u respectively say Billy fans DNI. U probably won’t find ur self in a situation where u block me for engaging with ur post. I’ll try to be reminiscent of a ghost. If you end up blocking anyway it’s cuz u just want to block me not cuz I’m interacting with ur post. I try to respect DNIs when they aren’t just you trying to talk shit with no pushback from that community online. If they choose to push back on the fuckery I don’t blame them.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

NUSCH 1/7/17

Do you have ideas what we’re to do with each of our....past lives, in this life? Cause like obviously each of us had challenges to overcome, ...............

(getting upset at transmission) I don’t know if i can do it in front of people. (doubtfully) i can?

Just close my eyes?

Ok.

(drops in)

The first thing that’s coming up is Blond, as Pablo. Her....artistry, and madness, is what I’m getting. And her obsession with her muses.

That both Jakk and I have both been muses, in a sense.

But........she needs a different ...i know she’s been doing fan fiction, but she needs to....does she need a different form of art?

What is it that you see...for her...for art, for her art in this ...world, in this lifetime?

Is she supposed to be, is it, is it a type of writing?

So all three of us are writers. So what kind of writing is it that she does?

Um..

(Pause)

*Romantic?*

Really?

Romance novel writing? Ok. but is it a specific era?

She sticks to one era?

Ok, hold on.

Give me the picture.

Why can’t i see it?

It’s older, right

It’s older

I don’t think she’d be into that for some reason

You say yes....but like, she writes comic book fan fiction (um, i had never seen her writing so i didn’t know she wrote mostly, uh....stuff that would have my mother making the sign of the cross)

But you are going like hardcore yes on this

Ok so you’re saying it’s older, like a part of her....but she would be different from other romance novels is what you’re saying. This is really weird. Nusch.......why? What makes her different?

Twisted?

“They’re twisted.” (She bursts into laughter. She laughs for a full thirty seconds or so. )

You mean, they’re BDSM-y? (First she starts to shriek and it turns into a delighted laughter of what she’s being shown)

And they really take off. (She continues to laugh, then tries to calm herself. )ok. Um........ok.

Oh my God.

Ok. You don’t see her doing that forever, though.

(a pause while she’s being shown images) It’s her thing. She really gets into it!

(amazed) she’s really good at it.

Huh. ok. I don’t know if she’s gonna want to hear this.

And the era is....like, does it stay within a hundred years?

Like 1800’s?

Is there anything more I need to get about.....but she’s gonna stay....

She’s really going to get into it though?

Hopefully Blond doesn’t kill me for what I’m getting from you

And then, Jakk.....his art thing....also writing we were talking...you do see him going back to writing. Is he already writing?

no.

But he’s thinking about it, he misses it. So you see him going back to writing. He got a writing tarot card the other day.

So do you see him staying with cooking?

No. you don’t?

What’s going on?

Wow.

Is he going to write a novel?

Is he going to start....(she sneezes) and he’s gonna get big.

Is it going to be about us?

Holy shit.

Is it gonna be about us and Blond?

(laughs) And Nusch?

(laughing at the bizarreness)

So he’s supposed to write the novel. Holy shit. Okay.

Is it slightly fictional?

This is nuts.

I do love my little house. (laughs)

And then for me....

I assume I’m a writer too.

I assume you’re going to say something like...write plays. (laughs at transmission) which we already knew. Is that what I’m good at?

I’ll adapt the play; i mean, who knows who’ll get it done first? The play or the book. I mean, we kinda knew we were writing it together, me and jakk.

Yeah.

I got that too. I got that yesterday. That we were writing it together.

And I’m gonna write the play.

No, i think he should write the book. But we both know that we’re working on it together.

It’ll be my play, it’ll be his book, but we’re working on it together. (yawning)

But i should still finish Heroes, the play.

Yeah i get it....i get it already!

Jesus! Okay! So what do you think of proposing something to Jakk and Blond?

I mean, is he going to move in with me? (The weekend of the first vision, back in September centered around them telling me that he packed a bag to bring to work as a transition to moving in with me, but ended the night being shot in the leg)

Is Blond going to stay in that apartment?

You think that’s ok?

Yeah?

You think that this way we can all be....friends.

Are she and I going to be able to be friends now? (impressed) and she’s really good at magic so........ witches have cats.

So you think that I should propose...what did Blond, oh Blond doesn’t, does Blond know yet that Sonia was Jewish? And that she was killed in a gas chamber camp?

(translating transmission) Jakk told Blond that yesterday.

Did Blond already know that?

Did she cry when she....

Did it make her feel better to know that Picasso and Sonia made peace before sonia died?

...

Is this helping Blond’s feelings towards me?

Good.

(sighs)

The tie to the letter in case you don’t remember....and they swear they’re not, is that I have that poem i wrote about two lovers.

Find me find me find me which of course in french is cherche-moi

You be me and i’ll be you and then everything stopped

And that’s us

Cherche-moi, cherche-moi, cherche moi

It’s us, it’s us Nusch

So what should i do, should i ask them......should i say....are Blond’s parents going to offer me some money? Because I have a lot of damage.

And i can’t have a baby. (Gina told me that when I got back from Italy; it was one of the things I mentioned to the Tarot Reader, who said Gina could be trusted)

Well, can we talk about my career for a minute?

Cause you’ll notice that it’s the 7th, and i have no money. Am i supposed to still be doing tantra?

Do i need to get a normal job?

Can it be waiting tables?

(She starts playing with the cat.)

Cause Jakk’s gonna move in anyway...so I can’t work here as much. Should we do cards? And then we’ll go get coffee.

So you think i should ask them if they want to have dinner?

That table extends.....doesn’t it. I always forget that.

(end tape)

[baekhvuns]

Suddenly I can't see, Champions League whoooo? Premier League only 🤗 (not to confuse with Prison League). Wow the racism and xenophobia coming from PSG fans? I shouldn't be shocked though...

Kylian M🍙pe 💞 please I'm having throwbacks to all the football x kpop tweets

London is blue WHERE? 🧐 Tottenham is the only blue team that can maaaaaaybe do something, but let's be honest here ajshjahanajajshsh Kane better not act up, you'll not redeem yourself no matter what!

Name dropping the weirdos who try to force you to write for others members would be justice! I'd write their names in my Death Note. Also over 4k notes for Bodyguard 🤧😳

I'm just build different, what can I say? My body consists of coffee, tea and juice

20 years from How to Lose a Guy SICK. Hold on Baeksy, of course I'm choosing Seonghwa above everyone he's off limits, at this point he might be a fictional character, he's U N R E A L. I got "silent glare" on that anger quiz, lmao I'm definitely not silent when I'm maaaad

SM is reaching lower and lower. Chris Lee is bad, so is LSM, the tax evasion, the creepy behaviour? The apple doesn't fall from the tree...and the Karina thing? Oddddd. And the plot thickens, the fuckkkk is going on in that company. But also that's all it took to coax them, signed photos?! And now Hybe? Honestly I fucking hate Hybe for trying to monopolise everything. Speaking of awful men. It's not like he wasn't behind the scenes of everything anyway. At least JYPE did something good and donated money to Turkey and Syria.

So if you're in fact Taeyong, please share some of your wardrobe with me. Juseyo 🙏🏻🤲🏻

I'm glad I could help inspire you, now you need to remember not to slander nor tease me anymore! Tamino's voice is really strong and raw, not polished, but also so perfect? He's hypnotising for sure. I've waited so long for new music from him. Brown and emerald as a person?! Wow what a comparison. He's definitely giving Jeff Buckley vibes. I saw that Maddox is following Tamino on insta 👀 Btw Habibi, do you know Sevdaliza? She has a lot of songs, they're very haunting, but also chill. I'd love to see her collab with FKA twigs, it's been my dream for a while. Anyway she's a goddess for sure.

Baby baby baby

Bestieeee Seonghwa playing Animal Crossing is so on brand it's such a Hwa thing, he's so endearing 🤧 I neeeed a cute nerd Hwa fic, I'll die if someone doesn't write it

Live action HTTYD...? I- if Hwa isn't Toothless idc

Oooohhh, hopefully I survive until you finish the Yunho fic, I'll be jet lagged for a week kdjsjsjshahshshs.

Euro Tinys who love black hair in shambles because of HJ and MG (tho idk what's going on with Joong's hair and I'm not a fan of chopped hair Mingi). Also absolutely NOT mad that Ateez are in my continent while I'm flying out on Sunday HA HA HA HA 😆😆😆😆 and that most of my friends and mutuals are going to perceive Seonghwa again 😂😂😂😂

And fucking hell, so many fansites and Korean stans begging for VIP tickets, taking opportunities from those who can't see Atz every week, only to take their dumb photos. GET A JOB!

Ohhhh tea the list should be longer tho

Hwa said "everything is about me" as he should! Extrovert Seonghwa

I refuse to look at any concert videos, but I accidentally saw this and Cyberpunk. He looked good, but I do have to say, he hit more with blonde hair, just looked more otherworldly to me, the light hair was such a nice contrast 🙄 - DV 💖

hi hello!!

Suddenly I can't see, Champions League whoooo? Premier League only 🤗 (not to confuse with Prison League). Wow the racism and xenophobia coming from PSG fans? I shouldn't be shocked though... //// Kylian M🍙pe 💞 please I'm having throwbacks to all the football x kpop tweets

LMFAOOOO HEY AT LEAST THEY MADE IT TO THE FIFA CLUB FINAL JVSNDBDKC premier league v mancity atp 😭😭 kane on his way to single-handedly destroy arsenal <33 every time i think the french fans can’t be this bad, i always get shown the worse 😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO DBWHDKWH kylian m🍙pe more like kylian the ninja turtle 😭😭😭😭 kpop x football the best type of collab, recently saw a messi fancam w gee as the bgm 😭😭 the varane ass thing TOPS EVERYTHING but this, hold on now

London is blue WHERE? 🧐 Tottenham is the only blue team that can maaaaaaybe do something, but let's be honest here ajshjahanajajshsh Kane better not act up, you'll not redeem yourself no matter what! //// Name dropping the weirdos who try to force you to write for others members would be justice! I'd write their names in my Death Note. Also over 4k notes for Bodyguard 🤧😳

ITS GONNA BE WITH THE WAY ARSENALS DROPPING POINYS FVENDBD NO BC TOTTENHAM HAS BEEN CREEPING UP ON THE LIST,, mancity about to get the juventus treatment 🥰😭😭 still hoping for a blue london,, maybe chelsea w enzo and the kaka lookalike can,, hearing rumours about zidane and or pep x psg!!! which means perhaps a tuchel return!! WAITING!!! kane’s redemption arc is already ON ITS WAYYY THEIR AWAY GAMES POINTS ARE PRETTY HIGH ,,, will compile list for u the next time someone does it <3 im sorry4 WHAAT??

I'm just build different, what can I say? My body consists of coffee, tea and juice //// 20 years from How to Lose a Guy SICK. Hold on Baeksy, of course I'm choosing Seonghwa above everyone he's off limits, at this point he might be a fictional character, he's U N R E A L. I got "silent glare" on that anger quiz, lmao I'm definitely not silent when I'm maaaad

u know they say we are like 70% water but it just, 70% coffee juice and tea,,, ur blood is sweet? but then bitter from coffee? DO U HAVE PROBLEMS WITH MOSQUITOES I THINK WE FOUND A REASON,, 20 YEARS IS CRAZY, rewatched it last night and can’t stop thinking who will suit it the best, NOT EVEN SOOHYUK?? 😯😯 ur right, he’s so unreal HOW did u handle seeing hIM I JUST KNOW HE IS PORELESS,, JDVWKDHXK MAYBE THIS ONES FOR U THEN 😭😭😭 found this new one!

SM is reaching lower and lower. Chris Lee is bad, so is LSM, the tax evasion, the creepy behaviour? The apple doesn't fall from the tree...and the Karina thing? Oddddd. And the plot thickens, the fuckkkk is going on in that company. But also that's all it took to coax them, signed photos?! And now Hybe? Honestly I fucking hate Hybe for trying to monopolise everything. Speaking of awful men. It's not like he wasn't behind the scenes of everything anyway. At least JYPE did something good and donated money to Turkey and Syria. //// So if you're in fact Taeyong, please share some of your wardrobe with me. Juseyo 🙏🏻🤲🏻

it’s the way we are seeing their downfall in real time, tho i hate to see it bc i like the dynamic of sm groups and the talent that comes from it but i guess it was about to happen,, shit like this always happens when exo are about to have a cb 😭😭 there’s a cute in march for lsm or something how are these idiots still stuck together under this company after this much is beyond me,,,

tbh it wouldn’t be happening if they had some brains to them,, chris lee is an absolute idiot for getting kakao involved & now bringing that dude back in the group,,, i guess one thing’s true 😭😭 don’t have business with your family members 😭😭 i genuinely dislike how hybe’s getting these companies and how their company stans are all over the moon BUT i guess they’re kinda helping lsm be in sm,, but it feels wrong to have them be the majority shareholder 😭😭 all the sm artists who’ve been at the company for YEARS must feel extremely lost atm,,, this sucks as a whole but the way select ppl making fun of it 🔫 BUT THE MEMES RBWMFJWK SOMEONE SAID AUTOTUNE IS COMING 😭😭 crying BDMWHDK IF THIS IS A REALITY ID START CRYING one good thing jype did tbh,, hoping ppl give all the help, the sanctions for syria is so devastating, no mf humanity to lift them off and give help 

speaking of men, h**chul… i am sorry this is what?

??? im finding these as i get links for u and omgwhat anon buckle up, get ur tea, sit on a couch with a blanket and read it this the main thread

only hope in suju is ryeowook atp

I'm glad I could help inspire you, now you need to remember not to slander nor tease me anymore! Tamino's voice is really strong and raw, not polished, but also so perfect? He's hypnotising for sure. I've waited so long for new music from him. Brown and emerald as a person?! Wow what a comparison. He's definitely giving Jeff Buckley vibes. I saw that Maddox is following Tamino on insta 👀 Btw Habibi, do you know Sevdaliza? She has a lot of songs, they're very haunting, but also chill. I'd love to see her collab with FKA twigs, it's been my dream for a while. Anyway she's a goddess for sure.

LMFAOOOO IM SORRY IM A LITTLE BLIND I COULD NOT SEE THE FIRST HALF??

no seriously tamino’s voice, and the way he presents himself,, watched his interviews and he’s just this tall guy who’s so articulate when he speaks??? his voice actually is so nice to hear omg,, DEFINITELY UR RIGHT HES VERY HYPNOTIZING his eyes too!!! so dark and hooded, his genes! WAIT YOURE SO RIGHT I DIDNT EVEN THINK, UR RIGHT ITS VERY BUCKLY but he had a softer look! tamino has a vv sharp look! maddox following him now 👁👄👁 if they do a little magic and drop something,, if we sEE HONGJOONG IN THAT STUDIO WIRH HIMRBJQJDKWD goner, i just listened to other girl by sevdaliza AND SHES A SIREN!! A LITERAL SIREN!!!!! she’s what i imagine a goddess would sing like omg ,, LMK HOW THE CONCERT WENT!!!!

Baby baby baby //// Bestieeee Seonghwa playing Animal Crossing is so on brand it's such a Hwa thing, he's so endearing 🤧 I neeeed a cute nerd Hwa fic, I'll die if someone doesn't write it

NEED THAT HAIR ON HIM BACK! STOP DO U THINK HE NAMES HIS ANIMALS AFTER THE MEMBERS OR ATINYS FBWNBDWK do u think hwa’s the type to watch backyardigans? yes.

Live action HTTYD...? I- if Hwa isn't Toothless idc ///// Oooohhh, hopefully I survive until you finish the Yunho fic, I'll be jet lagged for a week kdjsjsjshahshshs.

they’re really about to ruin it 🥰�� can’t wait to see the downfall, and if they do a tangled live action. it’s on sight! AAAAAA UR RIGHT! HOPE U HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT!! hopefully it’s not a year until i release the fic 😭😭 but it’s in the middle nearing end now! so a little bit of progress <3

Euro Tinys who love black hair in shambles because of HJ and MG (tho idk what's going on with Joong's hair and I'm not a fan of chopped hair Mingi). Also absolutely NOT mad that Ateez are in my continent while I'm flying out on Sunday HA HA HA HA 😆😆😆😆 and that most of my friends and mutuals are going to perceive Seonghwa again 😂😂😂

And fucking hell, so many fansites and Korean stans begging for VIP tickets, taking opportunities from those who can't see Atz every week, only to take their dumb photos. GET A JOB!

NOT U FLYING OUT ON SUNDAY THE DAY RIHANNA HAS THE SUPER BOWL FBWN DONT MISS IT 😭😭 RWKDHWKDHKS THE PINK HAIR SHOCKED ME SO MUCH I WOKE UP TO IT, EYES STILL CLOSED AND SHOT UP THOUGHT IT WAS A WIG 😭😭😭😭 it’s giving pre-military fbwmfjwk LMFAOOOO ANON 😭😭😭 AT LEAST U THERE WHEN THEYRE THERE AND NOT U LEAVING AND THEM ARRIVING, same air we breathing the same air,, ha ha ha they’re all gonna see him. haha. anon. NOOO SERIOUSLY THEYRE ALL GETTING THE FRONT ROWS TOO 😭😭😭 always questioning why the special day fansite’s EVERYWHERE will join u in this journey to not look at any hwa videos from this concert <3

Ohhhh tea the list should be longer tho //// Hwa said "everything is about me" as he should! Extrovert Seonghwa

wait the tea is kinda…

HE IS THE MAIN GUY, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM AND WE’RE JUST WITNESSING IT

I refuse to look at any concert videos, but I accidentally saw this and Cyberpunk. He looked good, but I do have to say, he hit more with blonde hair, just looked more otherworldly to me, the light hair was such a nice contrast 🙄 - DV 💖

no. 

NOPE NOPE NOPE 

i won’t even send the videos bc im not looking at them fbajdhdj need 🔫 the 🔫 snow 🔫 app 🔫 gone 🔫 have not looked a SINGLE hwa video. accidentally saw the glimpse of the hala hala one DESTROYED MYSELF A LITTLE

I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORW FBWKDJWK WHY DOES HE PULL IT OFF THO 😭😭😭 he looks like that one hair style neymar and greizmann had 😭😭

now.