#you know the whole 'well you don't get to kill people to keep yourself safe'

[cruelsister-moved2]

i honestly think one thing gentile non-palestinian leftists need to do urgently is eradicate the idea from your mind that zionism is somehow good for jewish people. we pay lip service to the fact that antizionism isn't antisemitism, that jewish people aren't inherently associated with the state of israel, even that israel doesn't keep jews safe; yet the subtle implication that jews ultimately benefit from zionism creeps into our arguments.

zionism has fostered fundamentalism and pushed jewish communities globally to the right, marginalised and outright erased disaporic cultures, and has contributed to the near-disappearance of entire judaic languages. the zionist project exacerbates antisemitism and then warps discussions of it, encouraging the same dual-loyalty myths and racialised categorisation that were popular in nazi germany. it courts antisemitic christian fundamentalists who fund it because of their apocalyptic beliefs which ultimately involve the annihilation or conversion of all jews, and provides a smokescreen for antisemites who want to push jews from their own countries. and it isolates, incriminates, silences, and arrests the many, many jews who speak out against it.

i don't say this to try and decentre palestinian suffering at this time, hence why this isn't directed at palestinians, but i think it's incredibly important for the integrity of our arguments to recognise unequivocally that zionism is not beneficial to jewish people either.

[ddejavvu]

for a Tyler request what about him and reader getting into a really bad argument and storming off and when he cools down he can’t find her and is panicking

Alive and Crazy - Tyler Owens x Reader

come participate in tyler owens night !

Perhaps it was cruel of you to pick such a secluded hiding spot, but after all, isn't that what hiding's all about? Perhaps then the cruel part was hiding at all. But you can't shake Tyler's vicious words, "Y'know, if you don't stop trying to hold me back, maybe I should just cut myself loose."

All this over a tornado? His lifestyle is... intense. You are of the opinion that Tyler's hobby is ridiculously dangerous, and while you're slightly comforted by the safety precautions he takes (especially the drills that anchor his truck into the ground), you're less than impressed with the way he shows off and makes those precautions almost useless. Really, does he need to lean out of the window to see how long he can handle it? You'd only been trying to find some middle ground, but Tyler apparently seems to think you're trying to chain him up in the basement to prevent him from ever having any fun.

There's a secluded cabinet in the back of your laundry room that's perfect for hiding - just big enough to fit in and with an outlet for easy phone charging. You're just about to hit your two hour mark huddled in the cabinet when you hear thundering footsteps nearing your location.

"Baby? Hey, baby, y'gotta tell me where you are. Come on, baby, just wanna know you're safe. You in here?"

That's the last thing you hear before daylight spills into your dark cabinet, and your phone's screen becomes instantly duller in comparison. You glare up unimpressed at Tyler but his face crumples in relief so fast that you can barely hold the expression.

"Shit darlin'." He heaves a sigh, and any sympathy you'd felt for him instantly disappears when he has the gall to scold you next, "Do you know how damn long I've been looking for you?"

"Oh I'm sorry," You bite up at him, rage reigniting in your eyes, "Does my need for space inconvenience you?"

"No!" He nearly shrieks, but he reins himself in, "No, no, that's not- I shouldn't have said it like that. I was just worried."

"Well I'm not sure why," You turn back to your phone, but there's no concentration present as you mindlessly scroll, "I'd have expected you to be out enjoying your freedom seeing as you're cutting yourself loose."

"I'm not cutting myself loose." He vows, and it's soft instead of his typical drawl. He crouches, then makes the terrible, horrible decision to attempt to fit into the crawlspace with you.

"No- no, Tyler, you can't fit!" You squeal as he shoulders his way in, pressed flush to his body as he settles in a space half his size.

"It's fine." He grunts, but it's labored and very much not fine, "I just wanna be near you."

"I don't wanna be near you." You sneer, but you make no move to get up, "The whole reason I'm squeezed into this cabinet is because I was trying to hide from you."

"Did a damn good job, too." He admits, head slumped against the wall instead of your shoulder, "I was runnin' around for almost half an hour."

"Serves you right." You grumble, "Don't say mean shit if you want people to like you."

"I know." He reaches out and sets a hand on your knee, chaste and reassuring, "I'm sorry, darlin'. I just- lost control, or something. I don't know. I've been doin' this my whole life, and when you try to tell me how to do it, it makes me feel like you don't think I can handle it myself."

"Tyler, no one can. Some of the things that you're doing-" You stop yourself short, "I'm not saying you can't have fun. I'm not saying you can't chase- er, wrangle tornadoes. I'm just saying you don't have to keep trying to outdo yourself. There has to be a limit, otherwise you'll get killed."

He's silent after your speech, perhaps mulling it over, perhaps drafting his counterargument. In the end, he tips his head from the wall to your shoulder, and murmurs close to your ear.

"Yeah. You're right. I think... I think I just don't know when to stop sometimes."

"I agree with that," You try to keep too much accusation from seeping into your tone, "But that's why I said something. I don't want you to stop, I just don't want it to stop you."

"Yeah. Alright. I understand." And he sounds like he does. He laces his fingers with yours like he does, and he cranes his neck to peck his lips against your cheek like he does.

"You're not holding me back," He promises, "What I said earlier... that was dumb. This is a partnership, not some sort of prison sentence. I love you, darlin'."

"I love you too," You sigh, leaning sideways into his embrace, "You promise no more hanging out of windows?"

"I promise I won't anymore. Can't promise nothin' for Boone."

"Boone's crazy," You laugh, "You're all crazy. I just want you alive and crazy."

"Deal." Tyler grins, holding out a pinky and letting you lock it with yours, "Alive and crazy, darlin'."

[werecreature-addicted]

I have been waiting for this! This has been stuck in my head since you mentioned how there's too many werewolf x bunny fics.

Imagine there's a village of prey hybrids. All the villagers that live there are some kind of prey animal.

The village is very peaceful, but is the target of a tribe of predator hybrids that dwell in the deepest part of the forest.

Every year, these predator hybrids would attack the prey village and would kidnap any villager unlucky enough to be caught.

These attacks typically happen around mid to late spring, from dusk to well into the night.

The prey villagers always hide around this time, but at least one to three people end up being taken.

Last year was one of the reader's friends. A sweet little sheep that was said to be taken by a large male black wolf. Poor girl was likely eaten by that horrible beast! (In a way she was eaten~)

This year, it is reader's turn.

Reader is a deer hybrid that got caught while out gathering food in the forest. Only to be jumped by a strong and handsome male mountain lion hybrid and taken back to his tribe.

There reader finds her friend as well as other people from her village, all well and alive and with large clearly pregnant bellies as well as a few children.

Turns out the predator tribe has been taking people from your village as their mates. Even treating their prey mates with the utmost care.

Something the reader will understand fully once she's been bred with her first litter of cubs.

your parents had always warned you to be careful when you left the safety of the village, especially during spring when nearby predators would go into heat and kill little deer girls like you to feed to keep up their strength. You were so careful, the fastest in the herd, the best at running away, no predator could ever catch you....other people weren't so lucky. Every year a few people would go missing, trail too close to the border, stay out foraging after sunset, and disappear.

Most of the time, you don't know the prey who gets taken, but sometimes you do, like when your best friend got dragged off by a horrifying wolf. You grieved the loss of your friend and redoubled your commitment to safety... but you got cocky. you were the fastest in your age group, no one could catch you, especially not some heavy, slow predator.

It's a warm spring evening, the breeze gentle and sweet, smelling like honeysuckle and green grass. the sunsets casting the valley in golden light, your basket is full of fat wild blackberries. how could anything go wrong on a day like this? A twig snaps to your right, and you turn and freeze, looking carefully at the tree line. you don't see anything... but your heart is still racing, by the time you spot the hungry green eyes peering up at you it's already too late. you take off running, but for once, you aren't fast enough.

The mountain lion pounces and lifts you off of your feet, throwing you easily over his broad shoulders, you freeze, your heart beating faster and faster, you need to think, he hasn't killed and eaten you yet- maybe you could escape, you just need to keep your head.

It's a much shorter journey to the preditor village than you would have thought, you'd never traveled far from home so you had no idea that they were so close this whole time. What's even more surprising is the amount of prey animals, wandering around town and looking happy. A rabbit boy with big floppy ears hanging off the arm of a buff-looking wolf, a deer hybrid like yourself flirting with two different lions, and a sheep- a sheep that you recognize. Your eyes go wide as it clicks into place. the people being taken weren't being killed at all.

The mountain lion puts you down and looks at you closely, evaluating you. "I wasn't too rough was I? You're not hurt?" he asks. you shake your head slowly

"n-no. I'm not hurt just- scared," you admit shyly. He nuzzles you comfortingly,

"awe, don't worry my mate, I'll keep you safe... I won't let anything happen to you, no one else will touch you while you're with me," he purrs and you shift, embarrassed to tell him that it was him you were afraid of. although you had to admit if this big scary mountain lion is guarding you, and claiming you as their mate, you do feel a little safer.

[animehideout]

Could you please do who falls first and who falls harder with jjk men - and how they would deal with falling in love? Like what would they be like. Sorry if that's too specific

JJK men, who falls first and who falls harder.

A/n: Thank you sweetheart for this cute reaction, I hope you enjoy it 💙

Characters: Gojo Satoru - Toji Fushiguro - Ryomen Sukuna - Nanami Kento - Itadori Yuji

Gojo Satoru : Falls harder.

You'd be the first to fall in love with him, considering how gorgeous he is anyone would definitely develop a crush on him, including you. But you fell not only for his looks but also his teasing and goofy personality. But man would fall harder for you, the thing is he doesn't realize it..yet. I think Satoru would be confused and lost as hell.

He's not used to falling in love with someone, he's only used to people/ women going crazy over him. So him experiencing love and strong feelings for someone would throw him off shore, and the thought of you would consumer his mind. He'd try had to avoid the thought of you, to get you off his mind. Tries to convince himself that love isn't for him, and that those feelings are just shallow and would fade away. He'd think that he wouldn't be a good partner and that he's got more important things to deal with , like his job since he's the strongest. But the more he fights his feelings back, the more they grow stronger. He'd uncontrollably get jealous when another guy gets near you. He'll catch himself getting really angry if a man makes you laugh. Sometimes, he'll catch himself smiling like a dork over your messages, pictures or simply when he sees you doing the smallest daily things, like breathing. He'd get a very strong urge to protect you and keep you safe. He's good at hiding his feelings though, you wouldn't guess that he loves you back.

Even though he's an overly confident guy, he'd be like a lost puppy and seeks help from no other than Geto. He truly suck at facing his feelings, so Suguru will help him realize and accept them, he will also hel him through the whole thing like how to properly confess without making it awkward or messing it up.

Toji Fushiguro: Falls harder.

He wouldn't notice you at first, but once you started proving yourself and flirting with him since you have the fattest crush on him, man would become obsessed with you. He's into strong and confident women, so the fact that you took the initiative and shown you're into him, he'd fall hard for you too.

Even though both of you didn't fully and officially confess yet, he'd act as if you're dating. He'd become overprotective, very possessive of you and gets jealous easily. He'd start physical fights with guys who get near you. Toji would be very touchy with you, gives you your daily dose of pick up lines, compliments, random winks and delicate touches. He has no problem accepting his feelings for you, and he's always ready to get into a relationship as long as you're a real and the right one. I feel like despite his flirty nature, he's take his time and tries to get to know you better, on a deep level. He believes that the spark and sexual tension that comes from flirting is 100% necessary to keep both of you interested and to make things entertaining and spicy.

When he's 100% sure you're the right one, he'd casually ask you out , he's very confident at it, especially that he knows you're the one who started it at first.

Ryomen Sukuna: Falls first.

If Sukuna wants something, he'll get it no matter what. One look is enough for him to claim you. It's love at first sight, well more like obsession at first sight. If you smile at him or show him the slightest and smallest interest ( not necessarily ), he'll consider it as a green light to own you. You basically belong to him but you don't know yet. He'd kill anyone who dares to touch you in a way he doesn't approve of. He doesn't really think that he might scare you away, because he believes you have nowhere to hide or run away from him. He's a yandere when he's in love, a toxic one to be specific. He wouldn't hurt you physically but man would hurt those who are close to you. He wouldn't beg for your love but he aspires to make you beg for him. He wants you, he wants to have you and make you need him, as if your whole existence depends on him.

Sukuna knows how to play, he's got them plans. He knows how to drive you willingly to his web, to make you crawl to him as if he casted a love spell on you. He surely falls first but makes you fall x10 for him.

Nanami Kento: Falls first.

100% knows how to handle falling in love with someone. His heart would start beating fast yes but he wouldn't get nervous or panic around you. He wouldn't scare you away. He'd know how to treat you. Nanami doesn't have any intentions to make you fall for him, he believes that love shouldn't be forced so he'd admire you and love you respectfully and gently, but you'd end up falling in love with him any way, I mean who wouldn't?.

He's got natural, inviting charms, that make anyone crave to be with him. He's so calm around you, treats you with extra care and softness. He'd offer to help you even with the smallest and easiest tasks, he'd protect you, offers his jacket when the weather gets cold, walks you home late at night, and respects your boundaries. You wouldn't notice he's in love with you because he's a natural gentleman.

He'd shoot his shot though, patiently waits for the perfect moment to confess his emotions towards you, without pressuring you. He would make the whole environment, place, time, and the way he talks, comfortable as much as possible. Nanami would be surprised when you don't reject his feelings and tell him that feeling is mutual, he's a humble man. When you start dating, nothing would change, he's so mature and knows well how to treat you, and asks for consent first before doing anything.

Itadori Yuji: Falls first + falls harder.

No matter how much you love Yuji, he'll always love you more. He's a ball of joy, his feelings would start with a small crush, but he lets it grow into stronger feelings without realizing it untill he's drowning in your love. He'd be nervous at first, then starts getting really excited when he embraced the fact that he's a lover boy. He got more comfortable, acts extra friendly to you, makes sure to take a really good care of you, brings you your favorite snacks.

His cute actions, stimulated something in you, and made you fall in love with him. Yuji doubles and triples texts, call you randomly just to hear your voice and make sure you're fine. He cares too much, and isn't afraid to show his feelings even in front of others. He gets super energetic around you, makes you laugh all the time, and he ia there for you whenever you need him. You would be the one to ask him out first, cutie baby would be over the moon, the happiest man alive. He couldn't believe it at first, he'll look at you in confusion, literally stunned. Yuji Got no filter, he isn't shy or ashamed to let his feelings control his actions, if he feels a certain way, then he'll let it show. Yuji is definitely boyfriend material, he'll make you really happy and his love for you would grow more powerful day by day.

[astonmartinii]

head over handlebars | lance stroll social media au

pairing: lance stroll x fem cyclist reader

some can be described as head over heels for their partner, lance just loves to go the extra mile

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

.・゜゜・ part of the aston martini summer olympics ・゜゜・．

yourusername

liked by mickschumacher, estebanocon and 493,607 others

tagged: lancestroll

yourusername: note to self, do not take lance to olympics training

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user1: MY HEART STOPPED I THOUGHT IT WAS Y/N FOR A SECOND

user2: for real i need my cycling queen in tip top shape that gold is calling her name

lancestroll: THERE WAS A ROCK ON THE ROAD I SWEAR I AM NOT COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT

yourusername: you don't need to explain yourself to me sweetie

lancestroll: are you sure 🥺

yourusername: yes honey i know you just wanted to keep up

lancestroll: i didn't want to hold you back 🥺

yourusername: it's okay babe, just focus on recovering, you are also a professional athlete, remember?

lancestroll: oh yeah....

user3: bro so down bad he forgot he's a whole formula one driver

user4: i need my man like this and nothing else

estebanocon: okay you've been nice enough now, how much did you laugh?

yourusername: I DIDN'T LAUGH

mickschumacher: he's fine!!! you can admit it this is a safe space !!

yourusername: he's got two broken wrists dude?

mickschumacher: and? he's already had surgery we're legally allowed to laugh

yourusername: okay fine... IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY ... obviously when i realised he was actually hurt it wasn't funny but like objectively it was funny

lancestroll: i guess it was kinda funny

yourusername: ALSO THE SOUND HE MADE WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY

user5: i mean yeah objectively it is funny that the boyfriend of an olympic cyclist fell off of his bike

user6: anyone wanna bet there wasn't a rock?

lancestroll: ...

lancestroll

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, estebanocon and 634,290 others

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lancestroll: i think i'm going to stick to four wheels ... good luck to the love of my life at the olympics, you're going to kill it !! xx

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user8: move over lance, we're ALL y/n's wag for the olympics

user9: every four years i become appropriately feral over this woman

lancestroll: every four years is rookie numbers pal

fernandoalo_oficial: WHERE ARE MY TICKETS LANCITO ???

lancestroll: excuse me ?

fernandoalo_oficial: i am bicycle enthusiast where are my tickets

fernandoalo_oficial: also i need to support my daughter

yourusername: i have acquired another father?

fernandoalo_oficial: yes and a supportive one so CHOP CHOP CANADA BOY WHERE ARE MY TICKETS ???

lancestroll: god fucking damnit i'm getting them old man

fernandoalo_oficial: thank you 🫶🥹

user10: well... that was something

user11: at least it means we'll get both lance and nando olympics content

yourusername: thank you baby !!! once i get that gold, we'll put that cardboard bed to the real test

lancestroll: 🤭🤭🤭

mickschumacher: IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD

yourusername: you're not invited ???

yourusername: also don't say you haven't thought about it

user12: VLOG? VLOG? VLOG?

user13: you people are nasty (please please please)

yourusername

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yourusername: dreams do come true, never give up. thank you for always supporting me baby xx

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user15: i think i died and went to heaven

user16: i'm not even british but i felt so patriotic watching her fly around that track

user17: singing god save our queen but for HER ONLY

lancestroll: SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY PROUD OF YOU

lancestroll: i would say i can't believe it but i can you are the most talented person i have ever met and you can do anything you put your mind to

lancestroll: i'm so glad you wanted to share this moment and your life with me xx

yourusername: awww baby you're going to make me cry again 🥹💗 i'm so so so happy you could be there because i wouldn't be here without you and this gold is just as much yours as it is mine

lancestroll: NO!!!!! this is your gold and yours alone, you earnt it with your own blood, sweat and tears. just being in a relationship is the real win for me here

yourusername: i love you 🥰

lancestroll: i love you more 🩷🩷🩷

user18: now THAT is a man who loves his girl oh wow

user19: like it's cute when athletes say that their wins are for their loved ones but it's nice when their partners tell them that it's THEIR win

user20: i love them so much

mickschumacher: THAT WAS FUCKING SICK

estebanocon: HOLY SHIT I'M STILL SO FUCKING HYPED

fernandoalo_oficial: THAT'S IT YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE NOW

yourusername: ahahahaa thank you guys !! thanks for coming to support me xx

user21: this little group and their olympics adventures is so dear to me

user22: we better see more of y/n in the paddock after the summer break now

lancestroll

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lancestroll: i'm head over handlebars for you (quite literally) and i'm so proud of you, you deserve everything and more

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user23: bro won gold and is going to marry into one of the richest families ever, does she know how to lose?

user24: she needs to tell me her secret FOR REAL

yourusername: i love you so much lance, thank you for being there for me always

lancestroll: and i'll be there for you forever, if you'll have me

yourusername: there's no man i'll ever want again

lancestroll: and i don't want to be with anyone else ever

yourusername: we're so sappy i love us

lancestroll: why wouldn't i be sappy? i love you and it makes me mushy

mickschumacher: IT ALSO MAKES YOU LATE HURRY THE FUCK UP WE'RE TRYING TO GET DRUNK ON BEHALF OF Y/N

user25: thank the lord mick because i love these two as much as the next person but this level of loneliness as well as jealous towards people who are good at sports is CONCERNING FOR MY HEALTH

user26: so so so valid

user27: literally why didn't my parents push me into a sport when i was a toddler

estebanocon: first of all, fuck you for making us stand outside your hotel room while you banged. second of all, HURRY THE FUCK UP FERNANDO SAID HE'D COVER THE TAB AND WE NEED TO GET A COUPLE OF DRINKS BEFORE THE OLD MAN HAS TO GO TO BED

mickschumacher: i think they're still busy

estebanocon: ....

yourusername: WE'RE SORRY WE'RE COMING

mickschumacher: you sure were 🤨

lancestroll: okay we're finished you guys can stop being perverts

user28: okay so like this is proof these people are fucking insane even after things like WINNING A FUCKING GOLD MEDAL ???

user29: and they're queens for that i don't care

fin.

note: i am so so busy, i kind of hate this but i hope you guys enjoyed it!! xx

[rpclefairy]

𝐁𝐆𝟑 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

a selection of lines from the various companions' banter quotes (not cut scene dialogues!) from baldur's gate 3. these are generally spoiler free and non context specific so they can apply to different settings and dynamics! feel free to change names and the like to customize the prompts.

“Death can't have me. Not yet…”

“Calm yourself. There is plenty of me to go around.”

“Realmspace is vast. Countless worlds to be mapped, kingdoms to be conquered.”

“I have missed this. The adventure. The danger. The kicking of butts!

“Let me guess - you need something.”

“Such attention.. I never realised I was so popular.”

“Let's cook with fire, baby.”

“Do you intend to vocalise every thought?. Or just the most obvious ones?”

“Wherever we go, ye gods let there be something green.”

“Careful, or I will take your toy away from you.”

“Watch your elders and learn.”

“Perhaps try attacking the enemy?”

“So much we don't know, lingering in the furthest reaches of existence.”

“All the world's my stage and you're just a player in it.”

“The shadows are my friend.”

“Yes, yes, have your fun. It isn't you they're trying to kill.”

“Feet planted firmly on Faerûn, please.”

“Admirable stamina, yet terrible priorities.”

“Well you certainly have the 'omnipresent' part down, don't you?”

“I am ready, whatever may come.”

“My faith protects me.”

“Need a throat slitting?”

“Death greets us all - but not today.”

“You need my expertise?”

“Can you feel death's cold grip?”

“So many stars, so many mysteries yet to be discovered.”

“Death comes quietly.”

“And I thought we were going to be friends.”

“Locked tight, but there must be some way to open it.”

“No, you can't die. Get up, damn you!

“You had my attention, now you have my fury.”

“From silence to suffering.”

“So many worlds out there. You'd need a thousand lifetimes to see them all - more.”

“I hope this is important. For your sake.”

“Let them gaze deep into their own abyss, and wonder just what it is they are trying to achieve.”

“I ought to just burn this whole thing down.”

“We have slightly more pressing matters to attend to.”

“You have still have time to surrender.”

“Every kicked buttock, another step on the path.”

“Weave save me. I can't take much more…

“You are right to fear me.”

“Let me look around. Might be something that'll help me crack this thing.”

“Incredible, to think how many worlds exist beyond this tiny speck within a speck I call home.”

“I really wish I could cast a Hold spell on you.”

“I can fawn over my face later.”

“Ready for another round?”

“Keep your blade close.”

“I can't unlock it from here, but there must be a switch or a button somewhere…”

“No, that's not moving. There must be a way to open it somewhere.”

“Battle favours the fearless.”

“Sleep with one eye open, evil. Maybe both.”

“Gotta be something around here to unlock this thing.”

“Why do beautiful people taste better?. It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities.”

“Oh, calm down. I'm happy to see you too.”

“Just go for the Magic Missile and fire away. Never fails.”

“Still standing, no matter what you heard.”

“Enough waiting. I crave blood.”

“Hang on - I won't allow this. You aren't dead, go it?”

“GODS, it's HOT in here!”

“No rest for the wicked, I see.”

“Better to hide than fight, sometimes.”

“Would that I could hide from you, too.”

“Are you feeling lonely, perhaps?”

“There is no right or wrong, only truth.”

“Battle is afoot - you can poke me once we are safe.”

“What good all this ethereal eladrin blood if I can still get pimples?”

“I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.”

“I am armed! Armoured! And entirely sick of your foolishness.”

“Let's have some fun.”

“War is an old woman's game.”

“No rest, be you wicked or wise.”

“I'm getting too old for this nonsense.”

“I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want.”

“You have my attention - now do something with it.”

“You are insistent, are you not?”

“Do what must be done.”

“Your suffering will be spectacular.”

“Lest I sit down for a rest and not rise again.”

“Better to look evil in the eye. Even if it be very small.”

“I'm not built to crouch.”

“I think I could go another round.”

“Always the same old song.”

“Is perfection too much to ask?”

“Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner.”

“So many places to be.. and I chose Baldur's Gate.”

“I'm not opening that. Not from here, at any rate.”

“What is the point, if not victory?”

“Won't last much longer like this.”

“Let's hope the locals are friendly.”

“Let us show them how it's done.”

“Weapons high. Standards higher.”

“Must everyone be so exhausting?”

“What I would not give for a chunk of fresh honeycomb…”

“Which way to the nearest library?”

“Now this is my happy place.”

“Who shall I silence?”

“Stop, or die.”

“Wear your scars proudly.”

[vaultdwellerbarbie]

happiness is a butterfly

(gif credit to junkfoodcinemas on tumblr) :-)

cooper adams (trap)/f!reader (5.5k wc)

summary cooper keeps his promise to return your security clearance card after escaping police custody

content warnings smut, unsafe sex, morally dubious main character, mentions of murder and violence, guns, not really cheating but still kinda cheating i guess, dark i guess but everything is consensual

i know that this is like a twisters blog but i needed to get this off of my chest i don't have any other blogs sorry to everyone who has my post notifications on i'm in love with josh hartnett fun fact. i actually giggled out loud in the movie theater when he took his shirt off it was kind of humiliating. this is named after the lana del rey song, but has notes of velvet crowbar and dark but just a game too.

When you and everyone else you worked with were informed that Lady Raven’s show was going to be used as a rouse to catch The Butcher, a man who had been keeping everyone you knew awake well into the night for quite some time, you weren’t so sure that you were equipped to handle the responsibilities that you were being given.

Most people, when asked to picture a security guard, didn’t picture you. You weren’t intimidating, physically or in terms of your personality. You were rather disarming, but that unassumingness made you an asset because you were equipped to handle threats, you could fight back if need be, and you knew that most people would feel comfortable enough around you to not worry about doing something wrong like they would around a big, strong man.

That was the whole point of your role at the arena, you were undercover security. If you needed to take someone down, you were able to do so. If you needed to call something in, you were able to do so. It wasn’t exactly a unique position, plenty of security personnel worked in plain sight. Up until that meeting, you weren’t even so sure why so many people in your life were so concerned that you were putting yourself in danger. 

You’d claim that it’s ‘really not even more dangerous than being a secret shopper at Target’, and for the most part, you never really got put in super dangerous situations. You were allowed to escort people off the premises, and if someone did get a little aggressive, there was often a way for it to be handled without you getting hurt. There were so many procedures in place that you were never worried. 

It was difficult to not be worried when you were told that you were going to take part in taking down a serial killer, someone who you knew was killing people indiscriminately. Someone who you were being told was partially your responsibility, as security detail. When you were given your card, you felt as though it was going to play a part in your life in some way. You were just under the impression that way was something simple, though. It was important because it was going to be there during a day that you could tell your family about for years to come, surely?

Not so. 

He was tall, charming in an awkward way, devilishly handsome, and one of the best sexual encounters that you had ever had in your life. You couldn’t forget the way that he pressed you against the wall, the way that he touched you wherever he pleased but wouldn’t let you even get a taste of him beyond one fleeting kiss when you agreed to lend him your card for the day. He had promised that he would get it back when he was certain that he was safe, and at the time you were too charmed by him to actually process what you were doing - who exactly you deemed it appropriate to get finger-fucked by at your job in return for him taking your one-way ticket throughout the arena. 

The promise that he made you to return your card was never fulfilled, and when you saw on the television that The Butcher had been apprehended, you knew that it never would be. 

There was a sick feeling in your stomach. You knew that you had willingly helped The Butcher, Cooper. But it didn’t really matter, did it? He was apprehended, he wasn’t going to hurt anyone else, and the young man that he had kidnapped had survived the encounter. Lady Raven never made it to her second show, the one that had sold out to begin with, but even she had made it out alive.

Still, that sick feeling grew - because you were almost disappointed. 

Not disappointed that people had survived, it wasn’t that you thrived on chaos and wished to see more violence. You were disappointed because you wanted more from that encounter, you wanted to feel more than just his fingers, you wanted him to fulfill that promise that he had made to you to return his card. That promise had come with a lot more implications than just returning something that you weren’t going to need for work anymore now that he was caught. It made you feel sick because you knew who he was, what he was capable of, and you still found yourself wishing that you could feel his fingers digging into your hips again. You wished that you could touch him, at least once. It was so very wrong to wish something like that about him now that you knew who he was - but did you not know before? 

Glancing away from the glow of the television in your dark room, you raised the fabric of the tank top covering your upper torso. His fingers had dug into your skin harshly, it almost felt like the ghost of them still existed on your skin even though you knew that couldn’t be possible. 

A knock at the door shook you from your thoughts, but you were certain nobody should be knocking at this hour. Leaning forward, you opened the drawer of the coffee table and grabbed the small gun from inside of it, work-issued, something that you really weren’t supposed to fire when you weren’t on the clock. They should understand if you were about to be potentially murdered, right? 

Standing up, you peered through the peep-hole only to find the one person who you were certain couldn’t actually be there. But he knocked again, and you were almost sure that he had somehow made eye contact with you through the hole in the door.

“How did you figure out where I live?” You asked, opening the door and letting him in before anyone could see what was happening. “And how are you here? I saw on the news that you were in custody.” 

“Well, I was in custody.” He held up a small metal object, it looked like one of the spokes from a bike that he had bent. “I got out.”

“And my address, how’d you get my address?”

“You left your wallet sitting out, figured I’d return it to you.” 

You watched as he pulled a wallet out, and it was unmistakably yours. How had you not noticed that you didn’t have your wallet? It must have been the chaos of the day. When the concert ended, you were all briefed and asked to go home, but you knew that there was more that needed to be done once it was over. You were supposed to return for the second concert once they had done a sweep of the building to make sure that nobody was hiding out in there, but that had never happened. 

“I shouldn’t have let you into my house.” You acknowledged, taking the wallet from his hands and tossing it behind him onto the coffee table. “But I did.”

“You did. Why?” 

“You made a promise, I figure it would be the gentlemanly thing to do to keep your promise.” 

Cooper hummed in agreement, pulling the small white card out from his pocket and holding it out for you. Just as you went to grab it, he pulled it back. “I’ll give this back to you, but I want something in exchange.”

“What’s that?” 

“How much did the news actually tell you?”

“Just that you were apprehended, that you have a family.”

“It was my wife who turned me in, I can’t go back to that house. I can’t hide away with my children, I can’t even see them again.” He looked angry, you could see that, but his anger wasn’t with you. “I can’t run away because they’ll just look for me, but you…” 

“Cooper…”

“They won’t suspect that I’m with you, they don’t even know that I know you.” 

That much was true, he had pulled you into an area with no security cameras. You had already been there, and even if they questioned you, you doubted that they were actually going to be able to figure out that you’d been working with Cooper in any capacity. Still…

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“How so?”

“Well, I don’t have any clothes in your size, so I’d have to buy those. I don’t have enough food for two, or anything for you to shower with. It would look really weird if I all of a sudden had a bunch of ATM withdrawals or mens clothes on my bank statement since they have you entering a room I was in on camera.” 

“I’ll give you cash.” 

“Alright, fine. But what if they come here?”

“Why would they come here?”

“At home visit. This is the FBI, they’re thorough.” 

“They’re not going to come here, I walked into a lot of rooms with a lot of people. I doubt that they’re going to interview everyone, and there were no identifiers on the card you gave me.” 

Glancing back over at the card, you knew that he was right, but there were still flaws.

“You’re going to get caught, and then we’re both going to be put in jail. Someone gave you a card, they know that much.”

“No, they knew that I had a card. I could have stolen that from anyone, I stole a clearance pass from someone - is he under investigation too?” He stepped forward, holding the card out for you. There were a lot of different ways he could have played this, and you weren’t foolish enough to think that he actually liked you as a person - this man just wanted to lay low and survive, even though you had been told that he wasn’t the type of person who really wanted to survive to begin with. You could only imagine that he was driven by pure spite, but by god were his manipulation tactics working. “I won’t hurt you, I promise. You can see that I’ve kept my promises to you.”

“Yeah, with conditions.” You replied, but you doubted that he was going to kill you. Unless something randomly snapped in him, you had done nothing to provoke him and he, technically, needed you. He couldn’t go out in public, and he really needed to lay low. Killing you would cut off any resource he has, and he would have to come up with some way for your neighbors to not get suspicious. Cooper wouldn’t be stupid enough to kill you even if he wanted to, since you were so willing to comply with him for some reason that you couldn’t quite figure out. “What do you gain from this?”

“I live, I fuck Rachel over just like she did to me.”

“The anonymous tip was her, wasn’t it?”

“It was.” 

“Right.” 

Sighing, you fought with yourself in your mind for a few moments. This was wrong, incredibly wrong. This man was a serial killer, he had done awful things. You had a gun and you could kill him, he couldn’t fight back in time when he had nothing to protect him. At the very least, you could incapacitate him and call police. It would be the right thing to do, the moral thing to do. Yet, when he looked at you, you couldn’t help but remember the feeling of his hand on your hips, of his fingers inside of you, of his brief and taunting kiss. You wanted to do the moral thing, but you couldn’t do it.

“I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. I knew you’d make the right choice.” Taking the card from his hand, you glanced it over before setting it down. 

“Do you want something to drink? I have water, lemonade, whatever. Make yourself at home, I guess.” Glancing toward the living room, you moved to turn the television off, figuring it probably wouldn’t be advisable to have the news on anymore. Flicking the light on, you pointed toward the hallway. “I’ve got a small house and I live alone, you can sleep on the couch. My room’s back there.” 

“I’ll take a water, and the couch will be just fine.” 

Nodding, you walked to the kitchen and grabbed him a bottled water, but the couch couldn’t be right, you wouldn’t be comfortable with it. “Couch isn’t fine, you can sleep with me.”

“What’s wrong with the couch?”

“I have a giant sliding glass door, I’m shocked you didn’t just break in.” He finally turned to look at it, it was very close to your couch. “I’ll work on covering it up, but you’re just going to have to sleep with me.” 

“My pleasure.”

Your heart beat sped up for a second, but you brushed it aside and handed him the water, your fingers brushing his for a second. You couldn’t have sex with him, not tonight anyway. You wanted to, desperately, but your mind was running a mile a minute and you were certain his was too, considering. Everything about this felt like a fever dream, you were harboring a serial killer fugitive in your home for what reason? Because he was hot and good with his fingers? It was shameful, sinful, but not enough that you could stop it from happening. 

“Promise me again that you’re not going to kill me.” You said, walking him to your room and opening up the drawer where you typically kept your gun at night. Though you lived in a relatively safe area, you were always rather cautious. Supposedly. Maybe it wasn’t very cautious to let a known serial killer lay low in your home. 

“I promise I’m not going to kill you.” He stepped closer to you, his thumb on your chin as he tilted your head so you were looking into his eyes. There was a coldness in them that contrasted the naturally warm brown color that his eyes had, it probably should have turned you off. You were pretty sure it was impossible for you to be turned off by him, though. “Do you believe me?”

“I believe that you kinda need me for at least a little while, so yes.”

“That hurts.” He replied, and for just a moment you wanted to smile - he was kind of funny, but you weren’t sure that he was trying to be funny. 

Cooper’s movements were swift, it was as though he was sealing his promise with a kiss just as he had the last one. But this one was deeper, much longer than the kiss that left you yearning for more in the supply closet where you had forgotten what you were even looking for. The feeling of his hand on the small of your back urged you to move closer to him, his taut frame pressed against yours in a way that made you forget every pesky worry about safety and morality. Cooper’s hand ventured lower, a gasp escaping your lips upon feeling him squeezing your backside. 

But he pulled away, and he actually had the nerve to laugh at you for pouting before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“You’re gonna need to strip, you’re not sleeping in my clean sheets in your outside clothes.” 

“These aren’t even my clothes, I took them.”

“That’s even worse. I’ll get you new clothes tomorrow.” 

“Are you sure you don’t just want to see me strip?”

“I do want to see you strip, but no. Please?” 

The rest of the evening was… uneventful. You should know, since you were awake for most of it. 

Despite having the assurance of your gun being beside you, and knowing that logically there really was nothing this man could gain from killing you, you also knew that this was a terrible idea. He needed you for now, and probably for a little while, but were you just delaying the inevitable? People were going to assume he fled the country after a couple of months, and were you really even capable of laying that low for a couple of months just so he could kill you when he no longer needed you? But would he even want to kill you? He had the option to earlier in the arena, he had no idea at the time that it would have been shooting himself in the foot if he did. He knew that you would figure out who he was, and somehow he knew that you weren’t going to turn him in. 

Even with the belief that he, at the very least, wouldn’t kill you for a while - was this right? Surely, no. He was a serial killer, he was surviving predominantly so he could kill someone who had wronged him. This wasn’t someone who was at large for robbing a bank to feed his family, this was someone who was at large for murdering people and who was hoping to kill one member of his family. Still, it struck you as interesting that it was only one member. He seemed to care about his children in a genuine capacity, you had seen him with his daughter. At the very least, he had a capacity for human emotion, but did that simply make him more dangerous than he already was?

Sleep didn’t come easy for you. If it wasn’t a worry that the man beside you was going to turn on you on a dime and kill you two months down the road, it was your moral arguments about how you shouldn’t have even let this man into your house - how the right thing to do would be calling the police now that he was asleep beside you. If it wasn’t that, it was thoughts of how gruesome the murders had been, and a morbid curiosity about why he had done what he had done and what had driven him. You’d heard the profile, you knew that it had a lot to do with how he was raised and the issues that he had with his mother, but you wanted to know more - you wanted to hear from his own mouth what it was that drove him to do the things that he did in the manner that he did them. 

Eventually, you were able to fall asleep. Not that you slept for long, because just the slightest stir beside you caused you to wake up. But you did get a few hours of sleep, and those few hours translated into a sluggish day where you picked up men’s clothing and foods that you wouldn’t normally eat and hoped beyond all hope that someone you knew wasn’t going to be there. You were lucky that the arena was closed until further notice - with pay, thankfully - since it was still considered an active crime scene since Cooper was still at large. 

When you returned back, he was still right where you left him and seemingly relieved to change into something that didn’t belong to someone else. While he took care of himself, you took care of dinner. It was odd enough cooking for two people when you were used to just being alone, but it was even weirder knowing what the person who you were cooking for was capable of. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to actually question if what you were doing was morally okay or not - it wasn’t. It was not morally okay, you had ample opportunity to turn him in without worry of being killed for doing it and you chose not to. And why not? Because he was hot? Because you wanted to have sex with him? What kind of reason was that? At some point, you really just got tired of arguing with yourself in your mind and focused instead on whether you were actually going to have sex with him.

Sure, he fingered you one time, but he did that so you’d do him a favor. Sure, he’d kissed you since then, but was that just a thank you for helping him? And, sure, he was driven to kill Rachel - but it wasn’t like he was technically divorced. Killing his wife was probably a lot more severe and permanent than divorcing her, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was looking to have sex with someone who he had just meant. At some point, you had to consider your own morality in ensuring that - if that happened - it wasn’t solely because he wanted somewhere to stay. 

Once you had finished cooking, you took the opportunity to install the curtains that you had purchased while you were away. It was true that you had a fence in your backyard, but it was also true that you were still worried that - being that you were on camera in the same room as Cooper - you were being monitored, or at risk of being monitored. You’d intended on getting curtains for the glass door anyway, some sort of worry about people peeping through the glass. Of course, you hadn’t accounted for purposefully letting the danger inside of your home and deciding to look past the amorality of it. 

“Need some help with that?” 

“I’m good.” 

“Looks like you need some help with that.” Cooper moved with such ease, adjusting the curtains so they were installed in the right place. He was incredibly tall, and had no qualms with leaning so closely behind you that you could absolutely feel him pressed against your back. It sent a shiver up your spine, but that only made him lean just a little bit closer. 

When he was finished, you would expect that he’d move away. Instead, you felt his large hands move down to your hips, your breath hitching in your throat as you watched his reflection in the glass. He could see you, he was looking right at you, and you wanted to stop him and remind him that you made dinner, but the feeling of his lips against your neck had you forgetting anything else that was lingering in your mind. 

“You don’t have to have sex with me just so you have a place to stay, you know.”

“I had other ways of getting your help, I’m not looking for a favor.” He replied, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin on your neck. “Unless you don’t want to… but I feel like you do.” 

“I do want to,” You replied, but turned around to face him anyway. He left his hands on your hips, not bothering to move away from you. He was so close to you, you could smell the soap that he had just used in the shower on him when you looked at him. “After we eat, I spent extra money on food for two.”

“After we eat, then.”

Cooper leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to your mouth, your eyes fluttering shut as you had a difficult time controlling your body’s unavoidable attraction to the man. Wetness still lingered on your neck from his mouth, and all you could focus on was how badly you wanted to look down and confirm that he wanted this just as badly as you did. But he pulled away, giving you exactly what you had asked for and joining you for dinner. 

It was tense and somewhat awkward to sit down at eat with him, but it also seemed like something was was awkward for him, too. Not because he was thinking about you, or because he was even thinking about being on the run, but because he was used to eating meals with his children. Regardless of who he was, regardless of what he was capable of, it was inarguable that he cared about his children. You were certain that his mind was simply lingering on them, on what they were doing and what they were thinking of him at this very moment. Despite knowing that he was The Butcher, knowing that he really didn’t deserve much sympathy since he had made the decision to dow hat he had done, you still felt bad to see a man so desperately yearning to be with his children again. A yearning that you both knew was never going to be fulfilled because, even if he could find a way to get in contact with them again, it was unlikely that they were going to want to be in contact with him knowing what he had done, what he planned on doing to their other parent in an act of revenge. 

By the time you were finished eating, the only thing you could think about was how badly you wanted the man sitting in front of you - and how badly you were sure he wanted to distract himself from whatever thoughts were lingering in the back of his mind. Trying to wash the dishes lasted about two seconds before he was behind you again, and this time you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything other than give in.

“Finish cleaning.”

“But-”

“Finish cleaning or we won’t do anything.” He responded, but made no effort to make it easier on you as he pulled your hips against his, the rather apparent evidence that he wanted this as badly as you did pressing against your ass as you tried your best to continue washing the dishes that were in the sink. “Good girl.”

“You’re a tease.”

“Just organized.” 

You knew he was organized, you knew it bothered him if things weren’t clean and tidy. Each of those things were discussed during the breakdown of the profile of the man, so you doubted that he was going to be much different from that while living under the same roof as him even if it was only temporary. You had no qualms with washing your dishes and keeping your house clean, you simply took issue with it when you were trying to do a chore and had his mouth against your skin.

It took you all of two minutes - a personal record - to have everything cleaned and to have him turning you around and lifting you onto the dry part of the cupboard. You knew that he was strong, how else would he have been able to effortlessly lift the people that he was kidnapping? It wasn’t a shock to you that he would have no issue in placing you on your own cupboard, but you simply whined out a complaint along the lines of ‘I just cleaned in here the other day’. 

“You can clean again, I’m feeling impatient.”

“You really should help me clean since you’re not paying rent.” 

“Sounds fair.” 

Cooper seemingly was being honest about being impatient, wasting no time in pulling your shirt over your head and undoing the bra that was hooked at your back. He had a lot more ease with that than even you did sometimes, but you chose not to think too hard about it as you felt his lips against yours. He pressed himself in between your legs, spreading them a bit wider than was entirely comfortable for the muscles in your thighs, but that slight apprehension was entirely forgotten the moment you felt his hips grinding into yours.

A sigh left your throat, his hands complimenting the feeling nicely as he brought one to your chest, his thumb pressed against your nipple. He had quite large hands, but considering his overall stature, you weren’t very surprised by that. Your own hands got a bit adventurous, moving to undo his pants while he moved back slightly so you could do what it was that you wanted to do. Cooper helped you remove them, but you noted that he didn’t allow his pants to fall to the floor - that must be something that bothered him.

“Please take your shirt off.”

“Since you used your manners, I’d be happy to oblige you.” He responded, taking the shirt of but very neatly setting it down beside you. Your eyes locked on his, that familiar darkness still lingering in them as he looked at you. Bringing a hand up, he let you explore his torso, the warmth of his skin contrasting the coldness in his eyes - even when he seemed to be doing something intimate, there was never much warmth behind them. Not when he looked at you, anyway - you’d noticed that he looked very warmly at his daughter during the concert, it was something that made him stick out to you in the first place. 

“I really need you to fuck me.” 

Cooper huffed out a laugh at your bluntness, but wasted very little time in helping you get your pants undone and pulling them down your hips along with your panties. You watched him as he set them into a neat pile with his shirt, the coolness of the counter underneath you making you move a little bit closer to him. But any coldness that you still felt was gone soon thereafter. The head of his cock pushed against your clit first, a whimper leaving your lips as you felt him teasing you. 

“So fucking wet, have you been thinking about this all day?”

“I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday.” You admitted, but you were certain that he knew that. 

“I have too.” He responded, pushing inside of you a moment later and giving you very little time to process what he had said. Leaning forward fully, Cooper supported your body so you could press against him. He set a brutal pace, giving you very little time to adjust to the stretch of the size of a man of his stature. It was painful at first, but that pain was soothed by the feeling of his mouth against yours, by the sound of his moans filling your ears and reverberating against your lips. 

The pain melted away into pleasure rather quickly, fingers absentmindedly roaming his body before settling on his forearm. 

“You’re taking it so well, honey, you feel so fucking good wrapped around me.” Whatever thoughts were plaguing his mind were quickly forgotten as he pounded into you, and any remaining apprehensions in your own head were gone just as quickly as his were. “If I had time yesterday, I would have bent you over in that supply closet. You would have liked that, wouldn’t you?”

“Fuck- I would have-”

“You’re sick for fucking me, you know that.” He was taunting you now, and he seemed to be getting off on it - in a weird way, you were too. 

“I know.”

“But you love it anyway.”

“I do- feels so good.” 

“I know, I know it does baby.” His taunts faded into coos, but his tone was still teasing and his hips were still snapping against yours with reckless abandon. Everything felt overwhelming, him inside of you, filling you more than anyone else ever could. His hand squeezing that part of your hip again, his hot breath against your lips - your breaths and moans fading together, and the feeling of the friction against your nipples as your chest was pressed tightly against his. It was all too much, but somehow not enough; you really couldn’t get enough of him. “But now I can have you whenever I want, isn’t that right?”

“Yes-” You let out a squeal at a particularly harsh thrust, a coil building in your stomach as you felt one of his hands roaming down your skin before he pressed a finger against your clit. “Whenever you want.”

“Such a good girl, I think you deserve to cum. You’ve been so accommodating, so sweet.” 

“Please-”

Cooper’s finger sped up against your clit, your eyes shutting and your head falling against his chest as he brought you over the edge. He let you ride out your orgasm before pulling out to finish against your stomach, bringing his fingers down to collect the cum on your skin. Your eyes felt clouded over as you opened them, gazing into his that were also still blown out with lust. He watched as you took his fingers into your mouth, his own lips slightly ajar as he took in the sight of you taking the taste of him onto your tongue.

“Let’s get you into the bath.”

By the time that you had finished your shower - a shower that was riddled with mistakes as your legs were just a little bit shaky, he had placed all of your clothes into the washer and had seemingly dug through your drawers to find you some pajamas. It was definitely not the polite thing to do, but you weren’t sure what you expected from him.

This issue with him was, as you got back into bed with him and let him hold you - which, you weren’t sure if it was more for you or for him - was that he was so normal. You knew there were things wrong with him, but he appeared so normal and tame that you were almost able to forget them. But you knew about them, you knew what was wrong with him and you knew that you were just as bad for hiding him from the police, for allowing him a place in your life even though you were well-aware of the awful things that he did, the awful things that he was planning on doing in the future. 

Yet, as you felt his fingers brushing through your hair and the warmth of his body against your own, there was no part of you that wanted to change the decisions that you had made regardless of the risk and amorality of it all.

[headspace-hotel]

facts about The Fear, after 20 years of life with her

The Fear is NOT:

an intruder, invader, or some other entity from "outside" You

inappropriate, wrong, or incorrect

a responsibility

a punishment

"irrational" or otherwise able to be understood through a relationship to "rationality"

an "inaccurate" representation of reality

The Fear IS:

an innate part of you

extra-rational—she exists outside and completely independent from "rationality" and does not respond to being judged according to that lens

self-love—her purpose is to protect you and keep you safe

self-sufficient—fear is a 100% whole, complete entity that doesn't "represent" or "reflect" something else

earnest—fear is always a 100% real experience that is exactly as it is felt, and, needing no comparison or reference to any external reality, it is not "dishonest" or "inaccurate"— it asserts a claim about only itself

subversive [not quite the word I am looking for but it will have to do]— is not necessarily beholden to social and cultural norms of what should be feared, how much, and how you should respond. She does not stop existing in the absence or suppression of vocabulary to describe her.

a demand for care— she does not just communicate to you but to the community you are part of; she calls attention to an obligation that this community has toward you, to make sure that you are safe within it and that your experiences are heard and understood.

yeah, so, i've had severe anxiety for my whole life and the way it's been treated and dealt with, and the way I've been taught to understand it, has really fucked me up so I am trying to lay the groundwork for understanding it differently

I think it's pretty fucked up that we're taught to see anxiety as deceptive or inaccurate. Now, obviously the images or projections in my fearful thoughts do not usually "reflect reality," but I have come to see this as...not particularly important?

Teaching an anxiety sufferer to restructure their thoughts to dismiss and contradict "irrational" fear is, in my opinion, the same as teaching a chronic pain sufferer to restructure their thoughts to dismiss and contradict pain with no clear physical source. You might as well speak of "irrational" pain, and pain has the same relationship to rationality that fear has.

"Irrationality" is a quality assigned to fear that is judged by an outside observer, or by the collective cultural biases and hang-ups of a society, as not appropriate to a given situation. This is total fucking nonsense and we should be talking about that, because...well, the first reason is that it implies some kind of fixed standard for what fear ultimately is and isn't for. i like to tell people to watch one of those Coyote Peterson videos where he's going to get a tarantula hawk wasp to sting him, because he's obviously having a strong physical fear response, even though he knows it won't kill him. Is it "rational" to fear suffering and not just death? How much suffering? Sit with that one a little while.

The second reason, which is even more convincing, is that the "rational" brain is not consulted at any point, ever, when a person feels afraid. It's just a response. The fear response is not routed through the conscious, sapient, reasoning brain. And thank God, because if we needed to hear back from an upstairs executive before we could decide whether to run from a lion, our species would be extinct.

Techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy were absolute fucking shit at making my life any better, but fantastic at wrecking my ability to identify my own emotions, because Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for anxiety basically amounts to trying to brainwash yourself into thinking you don't feel the emotions that you do. It's a really neat way to develop bizarre psychosomatic symptoms and start experiencing anxiety through constant body pain, swollen lymph nodes, and digestive issues.

For an institution that pathologizes having "alters," psychiatry sure loves to encourage a suffering person to view normal and ultimately good parts of themselves as distinct, intruding entities to be shoved in a closet somewhere.

And yes. Fear is ultimately a good part of you, a part of you that loves you.

What began to set me free was feeling that acid terror and sickness and rage course through my body and realizing—really realizing—that I was being illuminated with this ancient, powerful force driving me to LIVE.

I want us to make it. I want you to live.

And you know what, I want me to live too.

I abandoned the doctrine of calming down—Lord knows it had never worked anyway—and started really just exploring and existing in the Fear.

How did that feel? Bad. Very very very very very bad and really not productive or helpful at all initially. Which was unavoidable. Necessary. She had been frantically clawing to communicate with me for so long, and I had been shutting her away, silencing her, resenting her presence in my psyche. I started trying to show gratitude toward the signals my body gave me. I started trying to show gratitude toward her—and i guess the Fear was a Her now, this just seemed more respectful.

And it seemed like nothing happened, but several things happened.

I stopped searching for validation. That was a big one. At some point I just...stopped needing a "reason" or justification for the fear I felt (trauma???? neurodivergence???? neurodivergence trauma????) and the fact that I experienced it became completely sufficient and satisfying to me. So much guilt and confusion disappeared.

I also became steadily more confident about my own boundaries, particularly in regards to recovery.

It's awful now that I think about it, but I think I felt this sense of almost moral obligation towards "recovery," as if I needed to "overcome fear" to be Courageous and Virtuous. It made me feel crushing guilt to feel any hesitation about this.

But then this started to change. It became more real to me that was the only person affected by the steps I did or didn't take toward recovery, and there was no moral dimension to it. A therapist couldn't put me in a box I wouldn't willingly go into.

Freedom from these judgmental frameworks is really important to me. I think that I always hated the idea of getting "better" because it seemed like "better" would mean just getting better at submitting to things I was afraid of while everything felt just as bad as it always did on the inside.

And on some level—even though I could never put it into words at the time—I violently hated the idea of "recovery" from some of my fears because it seemed like the ultimate denial of agency. I didn't want to "become okay with it"—the possibility felt dehumanizing. It felt awful.

And I realize now that this is because The Fear represented something I needed to have a right to. Many of my most life-destroying fears centered around things being done to my body, and if I could have pressed a button and been no longer afraid, I wouldn't have, even though it would have spared me so much suffering, because...I needed it to be okay to want agency over my body. I needed it to be right. The Fear, in this case, was a demand that my body be treated as sacred.

I realized that there were many cases where The Fear was a territorial claim of sorts, a demand that certain needs be honored and met—She needs this. This is FUCKING non-negotiable.

And it really...prompted me to look backward on my life and see The Fear differently: not as a responsibility I had failed to shoulder (me?? a little child??? responsible?? Responsible for being brave, when every day felt like facing a firing squad?????) but as a collective responsibility

Because I was not alone in those memories—I was surrounded by adults that saw me suffering, and often dismissed, ignored or ridiculed it. The Fear grew larger and larger; why?—to protect me. Because teachers, nurses, doctors, and camp counselors did not do any of the thousand thousand things they could have done to make that little girl feel safe. Because my well-meaning parents praised me when I was "brave" but I, a little kid, literally couldn't communicate how awful it always felt.

The Fear was not there to torture me. The Fear was and is doing her best to keep me safe. It's not wrong, there's no need for guilt. It just is.

It doesn't feel good. But maybe one day it will feel better.

[reareaotaku]

Yandere Leon Kennedy Headcanons

Tw: Paranoia

[Been getting really into Resident Evil (Mainly 4, 7, 8) & Resident Lover]

⚔️ He first met you when you were trapped in a cult town that was injecting people with parasites. You begged him to help you. You didn't want to die- Not like everyone you loved did. He's pretty reluctant at first, but he also has a savior complex, so he does help you.

⚔️ You are a little scared, because you don't have anywhere to go. This is the only home you have ever known, but you can't stay. You're fear is dwelled when he promises that he the people he works for will help you.

⚔️ You prove yourself valuable though, when you showed him you know how to use a knife and a gun. You two made quite the team when you were able to take out the people when they tried attacking him from behind.

⚔️ You told him your father used to take you hunting because he had no son, so you learned how to use a weapon.

⚔️ He's not going to lie, he does become slightly attached to you. It might just be the trauma bond, but he likes being around you. He likes when you laugh at his jokes, likes when you share your life wit him, likes when it's you and him... God, he hates this feeling. The feeling of attachment.

⚔️ You become attached to him as well though, because you don't know anyone else besides him. Everyone you've ever loved is dead or a monster. You don't want to lose Leon too. You become extremely paranoid that he's going to become one of them, so you stay up all night, when he decides you need to rest. You hadn't been attacked during those times, but the paranoia still sits with you.

⚔️ He doesn't realize that you weren't sleeping, until you were in a lab and you ended up fainting on the floor. He becomes worried about you when you don't wake up. You're still breathing though, so he's not as scared, but he's confused.

⚔️ He barricades the room and lets you sleep. He's on a time limit, but it's not essential- And he has plenty of time anyway. Besides- the cult is still going to be there when you wake up.

⚔️ You awoke in a panic and Leon was quick to recognize this and covered your mouth before you could scream. He reassures you that it's fine and you just passed out. Nothing bad happened.

⚔️ You felt terrible for falling asleep knowing he had a mission and you profusely apologize. He assures you it's fine, but you still feel bad. Leon's not to good with emotions, but he does feel bad that you feel bad and he promises you that it's okay. This whole thing must be so stressful for you and you're not like him and trained to fight like this, so of course it isn't easy for you. He assures you it's okay if you're scared.

--

"Are you?

Leon looks at you confused, his back pinned against the wall. "Am I what?"

"Scared."

He looks away from you, looking towards the door he had barricaded. His eyebrows scrunch together, before he responds. "No."

You don't believe him.

--

⚔️ You're incredibly thankful when the cult is destroyed, thanks to Leon. Your home has been destroyed and you are only person left, as the all people affected died when the leader was killed. You had nothing. You were scared, because you felt so alone. The D.S.O. decided to let Leon take you in, as they wanted to keep an eye on you and thought that Leon could do the best job, because you already trusted and felt safe around.

⚔️ He's very kind to you, even though he's not used to having someone around. He's used to being alone, but... He kind of likes it. It helps that you're easy to get along with and you make his life easier. You do things that skip his mind or he doesn't have time for. Ex. Dishes, laundry, making the bed [Which he never does, as he rarely sleeps in it], making dinner [Frozen Dinner's are his go-to.], etc. Just taking care of the place, because he's stressed out and/or overworked.

⚔️ You were already doing those things for your family, as it was traditional town [Hence why it was so easy for a cult to form], so it didn't bother you- In fact, it made you feel at home. Also, you liked taking care of him, especially since he saved your life.

⚔️ You don't have to be a great cook, he appreciates any of it. He likes that you cook FOR him. Besides, anything's better than frozen dinner. He also thinks it's sweet when he does finally get to his bed to see it all done for him. He doesn't remember the last time someone cared for him in such a way.

⚔️ He becomes extremely attached- Like more so than before. He hates leaving you for long periods of times, but god it's so good to get back to you. He doesn't want you to leave- At all

⚔️ He also becomes incredibly protective over you. He saw the evil you had experienced and so much more and he wants to keep it all away from you. He wants you to be safe and sound.

⚔️ He's scared of losing you and the fear of you dying does haunt his mind and dreams.

⚔️ He teaches you how to use a phone and technology, so that when he's on a mission, he can still get into contact with you. He just wants to talk to you- Hear your voice. Make sure you're still alive. He gets very anxious and paranoid if you don't answer him when he calls you. He won't do anything until he gets back into contact with you.

⚔️ When you don't answer it's just because you're confused by the technology, because you always try to answer him, but you get pretty overwhelmed by it

⚔️ He's just glad to hear your voice, especially if he just had a nightmare that you died. It helps calm his nerves, also he likes talking about the mundane with you, because you bring him back down to earth.

⚔️ You can never leave him. He won't let you become attached or close to anyone in fer of you leaving him. You don't recognize his toxic behavior, just seeing it as him caring about you. What else could it possibly be?

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

General Boyfriend headcanons for Dabi? Both sfw and NSFW? Sorry if you already asked something like this before!!

my husband

he can be kind of bipolar in how he acts with you - one day he's barely acknowledging you and the next he's clingy and loving

he gets better about this over time, but the start of your relationship is always going to be rocky. he's very much set in his lonely ways, and all he cares about is his own revenge, so you coming along kind of messed that up

the start of your relationship would be through tons of sexual tension, where you're probably openly into him and he's being stubborn

I really doubt he has much sexual experience, he might not be a virgin but if he has had sex before you it was only once or twice. he really doesn't like bothering with people

but there's something about you that makes him feel like he needs to fuck you, and he needs to own your body as a whole

so his attraction towards you starts as purely physical, but eventually moves to you as a person as he gets to know you better and sees how well the two of you work together

he is possessive and jealous. he doesn't like to admit it, but he doesn't like your attention on other people, and he isn't afraid to kill someone for being too flirty with you

he almost always is touching you, be it in a perverted way or just lazily resting his hand on your body somewhere

dabi would never lie about loving you, and it's very serious to him to say so. so he makes sure not to say it until he is sure

he is fully okay with you doing whatever you want to his body. it's yours after all

but you could decide you want to redo his staples yourself, or give him a new piercing, whatever you want and it's fine

pet names were rare when you first got together, the best you'd get was a condescending sweetheart from him, but over time he now calls you baby and occasionally doll

if he's living alone, he always has the ac down to like 50. his fire makes his body run hot, but his ice resistance makes him not feel cool unless it's actually freezing

he's such a whore sometimes, he totally dry humps you if you bend over while in public or smacks ur ass

he teases you constantly, about almost everything. he's kind of a bully honestly

you used a little too much salt in your food? he's pretending he's dying of dehydration. you mis speak somehow? he's bringing it up for the next 2 weeks. Your underwear is peaking above your pants? suddenly they're up your ass and he's teasing you about what panties your wearing. he's mean

most of your time with him is very casual, not a lot of dates, just hanging out together. watching TV, on your phones, maybe little home activities if you have hobbies.

when you do go on dates, dabi loves star gazing. he's actually secretly a nerd, and he was super into astronomy as a kid. not all of that information has stayed with him, but he does still remember little facts and his interest is still there

he does steal you food a lot. whether he walks into a store and grabs whatever he wants then leaves, or he walks into restaurants and steals the doordash orders, he keeps you well fed. you'll have to cook though, he's not great at it

he does get panic attacks every once In a while, and at first he tried to keep you away during these, even going as far to scream at you and tell you to fuck off before giving you a half assed apology the next day

but now, he openly searches for you if you're not right there, and tells you outright that he needs you. he let's you hold him close, and he listens carefully to all the sweet words you tell him, and he calms down much quicker now. you are his safe space

most of his kisses are random, and fairly rough. he likes heavy make out sessions where your bodies are pressed as closely together as possible

he covers you in hickies a lot. it goes with his possessiveness.

he really likes smoking either with you or just with you there if you don't smoke. be it just cigs or weed, he likes the vibe of smoking with your s/o

hes pretty good at drawing, though he is a bit out of practice. but something about you makes him want to draw more. so expect to find tons of little doodles of yourself scattered around

he likes showering together- he doesn't like showering in itself really because the water doesn't feel great on his scars, but you're so gentle with him while you wash him that it's nice

he hates when youre gentle with him any other time though. he doesn't want to feel babied or like you think he's weak. he would rather you rip out his staples one by one than baby him for his injuries

he's really bad at texting. to be fair he really isn't on his phone a lot, but that means that if you're away doing something you might not hear from him at all. it's not that he doesn't miss you, it's just not the same texting

calling is slightly better, but he does feel kind of weird on calls unless you do it often

it's very often that he acts like you're being dorky or embarassing or just unfunny, but he'll be giggling to himself thinking about your lame jokes later

I feel like he could at least somewhat play a couple instruments. when he was younger he was probably learning violin or piano but wasn't super interested, but as he got older he took interest in guitar. he's not great, but he can play a few songs

nsfw

in most every way he's very rough with you. even if you're upset and looking for more sentimental sex he struggles

mainly because he wants to be able to fuck you without all the emotions tied to it, he is very nervous about being vulnerable

sex with him usually entails a lot of teasing, rough manhandling, degrading, all that kind of stuff

he loves throwing you on the bed and forcing your legs open or your ass in the air

he obviously wouldn't keep going if you said to stop, but he loves free use

even if he was the one who was clearly horny and you weren't really, he'll still be sitting there calling you a dirty slut, so desperate for his cock, practically begging to be fucked

he would love teasing both holes if you're afab, being in your cunt while at least his thumb is in your asshole

if your amab, expect your tip (and only the tip) being pumped as he fucks you, trying to make it so sensitive you can barely handle it

he loves overstimulating you, making you try and push him off only to keep moaning and begging for more

his favorite position is probably a relaxed doggy? idk the name but basically ur almost fully on ur stomach but your ass is still elevated

he will burn his hand or his name into your skin. he makes spankings burn more by heating up his hands

he is definitely a sadist, but he is also a masochist

he loves when you hurt him back, he likes a fight even though you're unlikely to win

(he does have a subby side that you discover later in the relationship, but you would literally have to tie him up and make him take your dick/strap before he admits he wants it)

he is open to fucking you in public, he kind of likes the idea of other people seeing you get fucked so good by him but not being able to even touch you. he definitely considers doing this in front of people who flirt with you - just bending you over right there and slamming his dick in you

he thinks it's fun to make you think you're done, like he just came deep in you and got up and you're still catching your breath so you don't even notice him position himself behind you until his dick is in your stomach again

he thinks it's so fun to have you screaming his name while the whole league is around, even though literally no one cares

he puts hickies in places where you can easily forget about them, like the back of your neck, so you get used to hearing someone walk by you and be like God damn because you didn't know you needed to cover that up

[signedkoko]

HII I have been reading your writing for a while now and I lOVE IT! I've been waiting to put in a req when they got open sooo! (Your writing always makes me hAPPYY when they come out) <33 Any chance of an Overlord!GN reader with Mammon / Striker? Just general romantic Headcannons- Like how it is to date them/everyday stuff with them (The reader is always serious (and tall 👀) and owns a big casino in pride (Maybe Mammon taking interest in it? idk))

Mammon | Striker [Romantic]

In which you are their overlord s/o that owns the largest casino in the pride ring. Reader is genderneutral.

The guy looks like a total clown next to you

And he is, but he loses any sense of danger when he's standing next to you, who happens to be just a few inches taller than him

Your cold sneer next to that goofy grin, like he knows he's totally lucked out having such a hottie for an s/o

To many in the greed ring, he was the greediest of all, but when they came up top to the sinners realm and met some of the overlords that roamed the lands, they started to realize that yeah, maybe Mammon wasn't so bad

While Mammon used to attract many fans, ever since you two became an item, they've stayed far, far away

At first, he hated it because it meant he couldn't scam some pathetic sinners

But you had the idea that he could come by your casino for official meet and greets; that way, people would pay the entrance fee for you and him for just fucking around in a casino all day

Mammon is actually kind of an airhead at times

He isn't stupid, but he isn't all there, especially when with you; he just turns his brain off and lets you do the thinking

You're better at it anyways

During extermination, you can't go down and be safe with him; he will often come up just to ensure your safety

Sure, you seem scarier, but that's only because he is in his smaller form

You two are a literal power couple; you could take over all of hell if you tried hard enough

Striker always preferred to stay away from the pride ring

Sinners were such a hassle, especially keeping up with the overlords and what they considered 'theirs'

In fact, he'd stay in wrath all the time if he could, but business always called for his presence in the upper ring

He isn't stupid enough to fall into the grip of an overlord-run casino, but more than one of his targets did

Your security caught him more than once sneaking angelic weapons into your casino

The third time it happened was enough, and you came forward yourself to speak to the man

He was charming and convincing, but you weren't one to let things slide so easily

You promised he could do whatever he liked with your occupants, given that he gets their casino dues in

And well, for how much he was paid, that wasn't too terrible a deal

The two of you ended up a bit more than intertwined, though, and the assassin managed to worm his way into your heart

And god, was it ever a sight

One of the oldest overlords that towered over anyone that came before them, with a face like a funeral, next to an imp

An imp no one really knew, either

At the end of the day, the only people who dared question you were other overlords, but they tended to leave their noses out of others business, respectfully or not

While you could defend yourself rather well, Striker is more than happy to handle anyone who dares try to touch you

Interrogations are useful, you know; that way, he can kill off the whole chain of command

He's very romantic and gentlemanly with you, even if you don't ask for such from him

Don't think your position of power will ever make him feel like he is the lesser; he will take good care of you no matter who you are

Author's Note - Thank you so much for requesting, I'm glad you got a chance! It was a nice break going back to some Helluva Boss characters (not that I hate writing hazbin, but it was a lot of requests).

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Supe Hating Their Powers

Requested: Hii! I loved what you wrote for my last request, so I figured I'd drop another one✨ May I request a the boys preference where it's basically (bear with me, I'm gonna try to explain) reader is a supe, but refuses to use their powers bc of whatever reason (feeling dangerous, not liking the ability, keeping it secret etc) But it's their reaction to when their S/O uses their abilities to protect them, bc no matter how terribly they hate being a supe, they'd embrace it to keep them safe - @ghostlyaccurate

Requested: hii! how are you doing? may i request a The Boys preference where reader is a supe, but their powers are very self-destructive (like, using it too much could be dangerous to reader themself), and basically their reaction to reader using their abilities to save them, despite it nearly killing themself? also, so sorry if this is too dark! you can totally change it to just being tiring if your more comfortable writing that <3 - @yinorathedragontamer

A/N: I combined these two requests, I hope you don't mind!! I love both of these ideas and I thought they'd work well together :) I imagine it like Cate with her eyes/seizures when she pushes too much/too many people. I made all the powers different cuse I thought it would be more interesting! Thank you for requesting!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Butcher never wanted you to use your powers if you didn't want to. But when he needed saving, you didn't give it a second thought. Your powers feel like burning alive. The fire, the flames, they're powerful, but it's excruciating. You save him I the end, but you spend days after feeling like you've been burned at the stake. There are no actual physical burns, but your body still feels that way. It never gets easier, either. He's grateful you saved him, but he knows how painful your powers can be. He tries to help as much as possible, but there's really nothing you can do but wait it out. It was one of the first things he ever knew about you: you're a Supe with side effects. He didn't realize how bad it would be until you were locking yourself away, trying to ease the burning sensation around your whole body.

Hughie knew what happened when you healed other people. You'd told him in graphic detail the last time you'd used your abilities. He told you you'd never have to use them, ever. But he was hurt. He was losing consciousness. You were the only one who could help him. You were the only one who could save him. So, you did. And in return your skin unzipped, blood pouring out of you. You couldn't breathe. You couldn't make a sound. You would have to die before you could go back to normal. Hughie hated watching this. He begged for help, but there was no one around. It was horrible. He'd wake up from nightmares where you'd die and die again. You told him it wouldn't happen again, that you were sorry he'd have to see that. He knew he should have been grateful, that you saved him, but it was awful. You knew how awful it was and that's why you never used it.

Annie refused to let you use your powers. She told you outright she had it handled, but when the time came for her to fight, you knew it was a losing battle. You could leave your body and take over others. You jumped from body to body, taking each person out, but by the time you find you way back to your body you're exhausted, your eyes bloodshot, your mind cloudy. Like Cate, you're susceptible to seizures when you push yourself too much, when you spread yourself too thin. The more people you take over, the worse it gets. Annie feels awful that you had to save her, when you had to risk your health and safety. It was amazing to see. As soon as you took over their bodies she could tell it was you. But the side effects were awful. She couldn't stop worrying about you, worrying about what would happen.

M.M. never realized what your powers would entail. You could read other people's minds. That didn't seem so bad. You rarely ever used it, though. He never pushed you to explain or use it, but when the team needed you, when your abilities were the only answer, you did what you could. Days later you were still hearing people. You tried to drown it out with TV and music, but they were in your head. It felt like the while city was talking through your brain. Screaming and crtuing and laughter and fears and worries and everything. Every feeling and thought a person could he capable of, that's what you were experiencing. It was horrible. You were never sure how long it lasted. It felt like an eternity. You cried to him, trying to keep it together, but all you could hear was his apologies. He felt awful for asking you to do this.

Frenchie never would have asked you to save him, save the day, but you had no choice. He was in danger. You would have done anything to protect him. Your sonic scream is rarely ever shown off. You're not totally embarrassed by it, but it has some pretty awful side effects. Plus you didn't love being a Supe. You felt lied to by your family. When you do scream, heads splatter. Frenchie was shocked you were capable of that. Afterwards your throat burns, you lose your voice. You can't talk for days, maybe even weeks, and though you try not to, you can't help but try to talk, argue, bicker with The Boys. Your voice sounds so painful, gravely, and he encourages you to put it on rest. It's your throat that hurts, like it's on fire. You rarely ever used your abilities because it was a one and done deal. You were powerful, you could kill, but it came with it's own consequences.

Kimiko only knew the general ideas about your Supe abilities. Your blood was poison. You had to he careful about getting hurt or rooms full of people, a whole hospital floor, would he dead. Kimiko had been seriously hurt and though you knew she would come back fine, your anger and hurt got the better of you. You slice yourself open, spewing blood everywhere, all over the bad guys. Before then you urged The Boys to get out of there, not wanting to hurt your teammates. Everyone around you drops dead. You stitch yourself up alone, making sure there's not a drop of blood left outside of your body. Kimiko is horrified at your work and the fact that you hurt yourself so badly for her when she ended up being fine. It hurt and made you feel like a freak, but you did it for her. Besides, your stitches were getting a little better.

[wookiez]

♡ — I H3ART Y0U

“can you kidnap me, can you really chain me to the floor and just murder me, cut my heart out in the dark.”

— I H3ART Y0U by Boy Fantasy

-

pairing : banda sunato x flirty gn!reader

genre : fluff(?), suggestive

synopsis : you're aware that the man you're flirting with has murdered four women before, but what's wrong with a little fun? and lucky for you, you've caught the eye of that particular serial killer.

author's note : I'm well aware of the high demand of banda fics, so I'm here to serve you banda lovers(including me)...he might be slightly ooc(?) I don't know. my man has short screentime, we don't know much of him really 💀

solitary confinement, huh? you thought, standing in the area upstairs, in the central guardroom, after you've put on your collar. you notice chishiya there, the man you've been with when you were at the beach. he caught your interest due to his cunning demeanor and how he could always clear the games with high risk. you were sure he'd clear this one too, so you didn't worry much about him.

what did catch your interest currently, is the guy who came in last. you knew who he was. the infamous banda sunato, who has killed four women and was on death row. how do I know this? you may ask, well, i just like reading about crimes.

as cruel and psychopathic as his actions were, you still considered him attractive. he had such a pretty boy look, how could you not fawn over him?

amidst your thoughts, you decided to walk up to him. "heyy, pretty boy~ say, why don't we make an alliance?" you say, sending him a little smirk as you accentuated the 'pretty boy' part.

his head turned towards you as he made eye contact with you, you felt your whole body turn tense. his eye contact is so...intense. you can't help but feel tense. he gave you a small smile, "I see, you're quite the bold one, aren't you? you don't mind taking risks, I like that. but that's going to give you consequences someday."

he paused, then "yes, let's be allies. friends, even. let's have fun in this game, shall we?" he said, his smile growing a little bigger. to you, it looked quite...menacing but you found it attractive at the same time. maybe you really are crazy.

suddenly, a guy with bangs blocking one of his eye came up to you and banda. you think he looks emo and quite edgy.

"tell me what my symbol is, and I'll tell you yours." the emo says, in quite a condescending tone.

"that's a pretty aggressive attitude to take..." banda says as he stared him down.

"that kind of childishness makes you painfully transparent. you're ashamed of the darkness inside you, which makes you petty and jealous. you try to keep yourself safe behind those bangs. you hide your face so that people won't see your ugly, empty soul. you're a pathetic excuse of a human being who judges others to feel better. pathetic and small. but that's what I like about you–"

he pauses, "–we should be friends." he smiles.

you observe the interaction from the two, you could tell banda was devoid of emotions. his eyes are intense but soulless. you keep feeling oddly attracted to him more and more.

round one was over and you were standing beside the little serial killer boy. matsushita was away to get snacks from the food area.

you pretty much were openly staring at him, seriously. you can't help but stare at little details of his face, until he caught you.

"you know, if I were you, I would've been more subtle with it." he says, as his eyes locked on yours.

"why should I be subtle? the whole point of me being obvious is so you'd know I'm openly staring at you due to me finding you rather appealing. you're really really really pretty you know. I'm being so serious right now." you respond, amused by your stupid directness.

"you're quite entertaining." he smirked, staring intensely into your eyes.

"I'm having fun with you already and the game has only just begun." his eyes never breaking contact with yours, you find yourself lost in his empty eyes.

that is, until you looked away, slapping your cheeks. no way bro I thought I was supposed to be the flirt!

you thought of something smooth to say to counterattack banda quickly, "well, you can have even more fun with me in bed." FUCK! why did i say that?! dont forget he killed people! he might even kill me because of this later!! well, actually nevermind. he can murder and torture me all he wants. I don't really have anything to go back to anyway... unfortunately.

you were pulled away from your thoughts as you heard a low chuckle beside you, oh no...even his chuckle is hot.

"you never fail to amuse me"

"you're quite something to be able to say that to someone like me with ease. I'm sure you already know my past, don't you? is this your attempt to seduce me?"

"haha...what, no, hahaha who said that??" that was the most terrible attempt to lie ever...

"you've definitely seduced me, you're quite the compelling one you know? I didn't expect to meet someone like that in this world." his eyes still fixated on you, you were malfunctioning. thank goodness, it was already the start of the second round.

the only people left now were you, serial killer, emo buddy, the girl, suit man and cheshire boy. you've noticed that chishiya has lost his partner, that poor guy was too kind hearted.

you go to the food area for some snacks and notice two people there interacting, you decide to observe the said interaction. then the girl walks pass by you. you then turn towards chishiya and notice the snack he is holding, "promoting the snack aren't ya, chishi?

"you could say my marketing is pretty good. but I was just deducing something through the snack. matsushita and kotoko kept picking the same brand of snack, suspicious isn't it?" he gives you that sly smirk of his. you know that he's already deduced who the jack of hearts already is.

"by the way, you know that sunato banda guy murdered four women, right? are you seriously risking your life for that man?" he questions, you could tell it was genuine.

"I'm well aware, I don't mind risking my life for him. I have nothing to live for and nothing to come back to. all I can do is have some fun with him and get myself killed, I guess. if I die though, you gotta live for me, chishiya."

he lets out a little chuckle, but doesn't say anything.

"but anyway, do you want me to tell you what your suit is or do you want to rely on your gut and risk your life like always?" you ask

"as much as I'd like to risk my life, it's better you tell me, y/n."

"well, your suit is diamond. also I might actually try that snack of yours."

ah, the sweet air of the last round. you're currently waiting in your cell as what chishiya has ordered you to do. you could hear matsushita's goofy little laugh outside the cell.

then you hear a door opening, which you know is chishiya, he expresses how he found matsushita suspicious and then banda came out. you came out at the same time as well.

"most people won't even talk to a guy like me. but you wanted to kill me. I could sense that in you right away. so I wanted to see if you were smart, or just stupid, or whether you were a true psychopath."

"b-but they talked to you! they came up to you first before me! they're more suspicious!"

"that's true, but unlike you, they're just the type to take risks. you're the type to not trust strangers easily, yet you trusted banda." chishiya says

"you thought you were controlling me this whole time. but I was manipulating you into thinking that way. ultimately, it was your huge superiority complex that gave you away." banda then says

they go on and on as you zoned out, you really don't care about monologuing so you just decided to stay quiet.

you decided to wait outside the cell as you heard matsushita's scream as banda tortured him. you began to ponder on the different ways banda could've tortured him, you're quite knowledged in some torture methods. you liked to research about them before.

as he finished, he walked towards you whilst yaba had begun to walk outside of the prison.

"shall we go now, y/n?" he asks, as he stared at you with those empty eyes of his like every other time.

"I guess so, your job here is done anyway. say, you have some sexy shoulders." you say as you winked, god were you insufferable.

"speaking of which," he pushed your back towards the wall and leaned close to your face,

"I haven't passed up the offer of having even more fun with you in bed, have I?" he smirks

I swear I could write better please, I just half assed this because I've got little time so just bear with me here. I still hope you liked it a little bit at least. I think I wrote chishiya a little ooc too 😭

©wookiez

[creedslove]

MOONLIGHT BLISS 🌙

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel needs to face his feelings for you, he is even determined to do so, but when you face someone else who also likes Joel, you begin doubting yourself

(This can be read as a sequence of SLEEP BLISS 💤 and SHOWER BLISS 🫧 or as a stand alone, it's up to you)

Warnings: angst, jealousy, age gap, insecure!joel, insecure!reader, fluff a lot of fluff like so much fluff

A/N: I know it's out of character Joel but I don't care, I want my sweet handsome middle aged man to be happy 😭

3.3k words

Sage was the complete antithesis of you. She was tall, strong, badass and older. A woman who managed to get by 20 years in the apocalypse and still look extremely good and attractive.

Some people in Jackson said she was the female version of Joel, but you couldn't disagree more. She was obnoxious, rude, mean and kind of a bully to whoever she didn't like.

And you would fight anyone who dared say Joel was like that.

He wasn't a ray of sunshine, but he was definitely not entitled like that bitch, he kept to himself and he didn't open up to others, but he was never a dick like that woman. Well, he was never a dick to you.

You even forgot the last time he'd been rude towards you, as you and him had been getting along so well in Jackson. It was like you had a connection, each passing day stronger, even if you didn't have a romantic relationship, you certainly had an emotional relationship.

You took care of Joel and he took care of you.

You might not be like Sage, you were shorter than her, your breasts weren't as big as hers and she was closer in age to Joel, maybe eight or nine years younger than him.

But you were fast, you were decent at shooting and you were not afraid of killing as many clickers as you could in order to keep you both safe. You know Joel took care of you, but you weren't a damsel in distress, and you didn't throw over his shoulders the weight of having to protect you, you worked well as a team, so you didn't know why that woman's small provocations bothered you so much.

Maybe it was the fact she had it bad for Joel.

She didn't like him, as in having feelings for him, but she wanted him bad. He was by far the most attractive guy in Jackson, that was an agreement between the two of you, and you knew it pissed her off to see you two together all the time.

It always made you feel pretty good about that, though you weren't romantically involved with him.

No matter if you shared beds and even showers, Joel would never make a move, and that made you sure the problem was you. You were in love with him, but he wasn't in love with you and even if it hurt, you had to be okay with it, you couldn't force him into having feelings for someone.

You hated that woman because she always looked down at you, as if she was so much better, but you hated her more because she always eye fucked Joel.

It always felt to you he was yours, because you felt his, even if that wasn't your reality, you didn't want to wake up from that sweet dream. It was dangerous, but it was the only way to soothe your lonely heart.

You sighed lost in your own thoughts as you brushed the horse's fur very gently, you loved having stable duty, you could spend the whole day among them. They were usually so calm and you just loved to feed them, brush them and play with them. It would be just another day of fun if you hadn't been paired up with Sage.

She didn't like animals, or kids, or people, you were sure she only liked Joel because she dreamed of his cock filling up her old dry cunt. You felt a hint of embarrassment to think that you shouldn't be doing it, but each time she teased you about how young or naive you were, or how easily you'd get Joel into trouble if you two were cornered in a physical confrontation you felt like shooting her.

You were petting a beautiful horse named Caramel he was one of the gentlest ones you've seen and you had to admit you felt a little jealous when someone took him on patrol. You only trusted Joel who was always careful and respectful with animals, he knew they meant a lot to you, and he always made sure to take good care of them.

"So, are you and Joel a thing?" Sage broke the silence and looked at you.

You were caught off guard by her question.

Were you and Joel a thing? Technically no, but technically yes.

You thought you were emotionally attached to him enough to say yes, you both shared a bed, holding each other in your sleep, you had literally showered together once, but much to your dismay, you knew the answer was no.

"Well, we're partners, we've known each other for a few years, we traveled together to Jackson and we share a house… I like Joel, a lot" you let it slip, though it was an understatement, you felt much more than just like him and though it was pretty obvious to anybody, you felt regret immediately, you shouldn't have told that woman that, and it didn't help when she laughed out loud at you.

"Yeah yeah yeah, you have the heart eyes for him, no one is that stupid not to see, it could be cute if it weren't pathetic really, but I mean are you two fucking?"

You looked at her with so much anger but your silence was all she needed to have her answer.

"Good to know that, I'll make a move on him, it's about time I find some good fuck around here, not to mention Joel will definitely enjoy a real woman"

You couldn't stop staring at her, you wanted to ignore everything she was saying but you just couldn't hold yourself back, you knew you were about to get hurt but you did it anyway.

"Why pathetic?" You asked "why do you say liking Joel is pathetic?" You reframed your question.

She furrowed her brows and then chucked

"Oh please Y/N… isn't it just cliche? You fall for your savior, your protector, but he's much older than you, yes, Joel's hot but he could be your dad… he knew the world before things went to shit, she's met women, do you think he would be hooked on a little girl like yourself? Of course you probably clean up and cook for him, and he sticks around, gives you some of his attention, maybe crumbles of affection, but it's only because you are a comfortable option for him. Men like Joel need real women, not weak girls like yourself"

A mix of anger invaded your veins and spread all over your body, you wanted to punch that smug expression away but you knew you didn't stand a chance. She was stronger and she wouldn't hesitate in hurting you.

"Listen, Sage I-" you were cut off by Joel who called your name.

You turned to him and saw him stepping closer, at the same time the woman put on a smile on her face and you could swear you saw her opening her jacket some more, so she'd expose her cleavage.

You groaned under your breath and looked at Joel.

"Hey, I didn't know you were coming here" you told the man, finding it odd as you knew he had some services here and there with Tommy through the town.

Joel scratched the back of his neck and gave you one of those embarrassed looks he often did when he needed you to help him, so you were sure he was thinking of an excuse.

"Tommy asked me to check on the horses" he told you and glanced at Sage, who kept watching your interaction in an intrusive way, making him not uncomfortable… that was not the word, it was making him angry.

"Well, you can see the horses are alive" you chuckled though your smile didn't meet your eyes and he could tell you were upset over something.

When Sage made a sudden movement, Caramel got agitated and took a step back, you could tell the animal didn't like nor trusted her and well, you couldn't actually blame him.

You walked to Caramel and carefully held his face between your hands, having a lot of eye contact with him "shh, it's okay, you don't have to be afraid, it's just Joel and me" you reminded him, pecking his fur so gently and caressing him.

Joel watched in awe as Caramel immediately calmed down. He could never admit it out loud, but the reason why he ditched his own lunch break and went after you was just because he wanted to see you dealing with the horses.

He didn't know how you did it, but you've always been so good with animals and kids. They all seemed to like and trust you instantly. It's like a sensibility that he never had. But even when you were on the road, you'd still look out for stray cats that would appear here and there.

When you two got to Jackson and you volunteered for working with the kids, his heart tightened in his chest. Whenever he saw any kids he couldn't help but think of the time he was a dad himself. Of course his sweet Sarah was already a beautiful young lady when he lost her, but she was once the sweetest child he'd ever seen, she used to like butterflies and watch princess movies with him.

The way you paid attention to the kids around, and played with them, made him think of how Sarah never had that with her mom, but you seemed like you could be a great mom, and he was once a good dad, so maybe one day you two could…

And he stopped himself right there.

He was going nuts, he was sure of it, that was the only explanation to have delusional thoughts like that.

You looked at Sage and how she wasn't going anywhere and sighed.

"I'll take Caramel for a walk, I'll see you later" you told Joel and smiled, though he could tell it was a sad one.

He nodded softly and watched as the winter sun made you glow while you took off with the horse.

Sage smirked and took a few steps towards Joel, she was finally glad to be alone with the man and licked her lips.

He saw her approaching and took another step towards her, closing the distance before them. He could see her excitement, her anticipation and her joy to have him so close, she was sure he was going in for a kiss but all he did was point a finger toward her face.

"What goes on between Y/N and I is none of your fucking business. She owes you no explanation and if I ever see you taunting her or talking shit again, you'll pay" he said angrily. "You are the pathetic one, not Y/N, she's much more of a woman than you will ever be" he barked at the woman and turned his back to her.

When he was getting to the stables earlier that day, his mind was cloudy as he thought to himself if he should do it or not. Joel had crossed too many lines with you, he'd promised himself he wasn't going to touch you, to lead you into thinking he could ever be a good partner or give you anything romantic. His biggest fear was waking up some day and seeing you fall for him, you didn't deserve that burden, he wasn't a good person, he wasn't a good man, he wasn't a good partner, boyfriend or husband. You were too good for him and he could never succumb to the temptation of having a moment with you. But you made it all so hard for him, you were all the time so sweet, so gorgeous, you cared about everybody, but above all, you cared about him.

For the first in twenty years he had someone doing something without expecting anything in return. He didn't have to trade favors or rations of food, all you did was make sure he was alright and you were so painfully kind, like people weren't anymore.

So Joel's nightmare shifted slowly, and instead of fearing you would fall for him, he realized he had fallen for you.

And he'd fallen hard.

He was so ashamed of that realization, how could he just wake up one day and be in love?

But it was too late, Joel had it bad for you and the morning he came to the stables he didn't just want to watch you deal with the horses, he wanted to ask you out.

It wouldn't be a big deal, of course. He'd invite you to go to the bar, have a couple of drinks and take it from there. It would be a nice change to just staying home like you always did. He was having his hopes high enough to even maybe see you doll up a little for him.

He spent the whole morning gathering courage to ask you, but as soon as he got behind the stable and overheard you mentioning his name, he stood as silently as he could, curious to know what you had to say about him.

His heart raced the moment he heard you liked him…

You liked him, but how? As a friend? As a man? Joel closed his eyes and prayed to the Lord you didn't like him as a dad. That would be the end of him.

But then Sage opened that sewage she called a mouth and she ruined it.

He had hoped you would brush things off, you gotta know him better than that, he thought, to know he would never go after a woman like that. But then he saw your sad eyes, how upset you felt and he knew she had ruined things up.

•••

You spent the whole afternoon away with Caramel, you two settled in an open space, where he could rest and play around while you thought about what Sage had said.

Comfortable.

You were a comfortable option for Joel.

But was that all you were for him?

No, that witch couldn't be right, he cared for you, he liked you, surely not the way you liked him, but he thought of you more than a comfortable option, right?

You felt a pang in your heart the more you thought of it, because what if he didn't? What if that was exactly what you were for him, just someone easy to be with, someone who would cook and clean and keep him warm.

He never told you love words, he never touched you the way you longed to be touched, so then, what was all of that to him? Did he even care if you just went like Sage and tried finding yourself a lay for the night?

You shook all these thoughts away, you didn't want to feel bitter about might-have-beens, plus the sun was setting down and you needed to be home before dark.

You took Caramel back to the stable, saying goodbye to him and headed home.

When you got there, you could see Joel was wearing his flannel shirt and his nice jacket. He had just gotten out of the shower and…

Was he wearing cologne?

You frowned softly at seeing him like that and felt your heart drop to your toes at the realization he was going out. Possibly on a date with Sage. Of course, you had left them together, you'd handed a platter of meat to the lion.

"Hey Y/N…" Joel said in his hesitant voice, you said hello and sat down on the couch.

"So darling… I'm going out tonight.."

There it was.

You tried your best to hide your jealousy and bitterness.

"Alright, have fun" you replied with a small smile.

And Joel stood there, like a moron. He stared at you but words didn't come out of his mouth, all he had to add was a few words. He just needed to ask you out. The worst that could happen would be you saying no. Of course it would break his heart, but he went through worse so he figured he would overcome things.

You looked up at him with a puzzled expression, why was he still staring at you?

"Do you need anything, Joel?"

"You"

You widened your eyes and gasped.

"What?"

"You heard me, Y/N, I need you… to come with me, of course" he quickly fixed what he'd said but you knew there was more to it. Your heart raced as you got up and walked to him, holding back your smile.

"You don't have a date with Sage tonight?"

He frowned and shook his head immediately dismissing the idea.

"Not with her"

You closed the space between the two of you and leaned closer, Joel also leaned in, his heart hammered his chest, waiting for the kiss that never came. Instead, you whispered into his ear:

"I'll go get ready"

•••

You walked through the Jackson streets together, shielding yourselves from the wind. It was a cold night, but the sky was clear and the moon was shining brightly. It didn't matter if the temperatures were low, it just felt so good to be walking with Joel. He offered you his arm and though neither of you mentioned anything about your weird interaction earlier, you were pretty sure that was a date.

Joel still didn't tell you where you were going, but anywhere with him would be good enough.

He looked down at you as if he had read your mind.

"So… I haven't really thought of where we could go… I didn't think you'd say yes" he gave you a shy smile and looked away.

"Why wouldn't I say yes, Joel?" You replied and slid your hand down his arms, finding his hand and entwining your fingers together.

"Come with me" he said as he thought of a perfect place you could go to.

At first, you thought he was taking you to the stables, but then, you walked around it and went for the hills, where you climbed it and sat down comfortably.

"I thought it would be nice to see the moonlight or something" Joel shrugged and looked at you "sorry, I'm nervous, I haven't been on a date in so long" you felt a warmth in your heart and you held his head making him look at you.

"It's perfect, it reminds me of when we were on the road, you didn't really like me back then, but we had some good times" you chuckled softly and felt Joel's hands on your hips, holding them with a soft grip.

He scoffed.

"I've always liked you, but you always made me run out of patience" he admitted, making you laugh.

"Maybe, I was cranky, but I think I've gone soft, and it's your fault, sweetheart"

You looked into his eyes and then at his lips, you felt your heart pounding as Joel's grip on your waist tightened and he pulled you towards him.

You felt his lips against yours for the first time and it was so much better than you could ever imagine. The way your skin burned at his beard brushing and how he deepened it. You felt his tongue on yours and what began as a slow, gentle kiss, turned into an urgent, fiery one.

You moaned into his lips and tugged his hair, as you broke the kiss, Joel panted softly, worried he'd done something wrong but he smirked as you straddled him and sat on his lap.

"Are you sure you want this, darling?"

He mumbled against your skin, kissing down your neck and kneading your ass gently.

"I've never been so sure, Joel. I need it"

You whispered to him, enjoying the moonlight bliss with the man you loved.

_____

A/N: it wasn't my best work, but I just wanted to make Joel have a happy moment 🥺

[peachyloveswriting]

How about vash n reader are in a relationship and vashs insecurity and fear gets the best of him so he tries to break it off to protect reader but reader aint fucking having it and is all like “if you truly mean it then look at me in the eyes and tell me you dont love me” and OBVIOUSLY he cant cause hes so in love and shit then they makeout makeup

I absolutely love the possibility of angst here, the hurt/comfort is calling my name right now. Thanks for the req anon. I know the Gif is from Trigun Stampede but this one will take place in the original, I just think it better fits the story.

YOU'RE A BAD LIAR --- Vash the Stampede

SUMMARY: A very short story about Vash finally admitting his insecurities. But how could he be so foolish, it's written all over him and you're not a fool.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

You stare at Vash, leaned up against the side of your house while he gazes off into the distance. He's wearing his shades again just to hide the look in his eyes, just so he doesn't have to look at you. He's so bad at hiding his emotions, even with the shades covering his eyes you can read the pain all over his face. His voice really gives it away.

"Why haven't you left yet?" Vash's voice rings out into the night, stirring the distilled silence floating around you. Even further he looks away from you.

"Because I love you." A simple answer for a simple question, but vash's instability isn't moved. He digs his hands deeper into his pockets and lowers his gaze to the wooden boards below his feet. "You shouldn't."

You frown, stepping forward to rest a hand on his arm. He shrugs you off. "Vash, don't be like this." From the moment you met him, he warned you time and time again about the dangers of crossing his path. You know well and good just what dangers he poses to you and yet you fight back against his word. "You know I won't leave you, it doesn't matter if it kills me-"

"it matters to me!" You jolt at his sudden shout. Surely it must have woke the neighbors. "I can't have you dead because of me. I won't let it happen. I'm done, I'm breaking this off now." He points to the ground and lightly stomps his foot.

Behind the shades, tears build in his eyes and threaten to spill. He can't stop his bottom lips from trembling with the urge to cry. He looked at you, damnit. He knows if he looked he would breakdown on the spot. How could he ever think of leaving you? He doesn't want too, but he's torn between keeping you close and cutting ties. Both burn the edges of his heart, daring to light his whole body ablaze.

"If you truly mean it, I want you to look at me in my eyes and tell me that you don't love me." You grasp his arm with a vice grip. His eyes meet you and the glint off his shades moves away. Eyes now fully in view, you can see right through his facade. He trembles in your touch.

"I can't." He sobs. "I can't say it. I won't." Every hard emotion he tried to portray crumbles in an instant. Longing for your comfort he pulls you close and wraps you tightly in his arms. His head is tucked away in the nape of your neck where you can feel his tears wet your skin and his breath tickle you. Smoothing your hands over his back you rub his through his coat while you shush his quiet crying.

He's given you his soul, the very gentle and kind soul that might break if you hold it the wrong way. Such a soft man melting right into your arms while he shudders and shakes. You're his world, he can't take the chance of getting you involved with him yet you're already in so deep. People will come after you soon enough, and the law will come for you too. Not a single person leaves his hold unharmed and it's sad.

Vash lifts his head. "Come with me. You can't stay here by yourself anymore." Despite the dangers he knows will find you out there with him, Vash knows he'll at least be there to keep you safe. As long as you're by his side nothing bad will happen. "I can't let you be here alone. If someone comes and I'm not here-"

You cup his face in your hands. "I'll be right by your side as long as you'll allow it." Your words are so kind and welcoming, it makes Vash's heart swell. Even knowing what fate might await you with him you always stick by his side, never daring to stray far from his grasp and keeping his insecurities away.

"I love you. I'm so sorry I even thought of breaking up with you." He presses a kiss to your forehead. "It'll never happen again, I swear."

With a kind smile you rub his cheek with your thumb. "It's ok. Just shut up and kiss me. That'll be your apology."

He nods and without question and presses his lips to yours. They meld perfectly together like pieces of a puzzle while you move in tandem. He is gentle and firm, not wanting to pull away in fear of it never happening again. Instead he nibbles at your bottom lip, his sharp canines poking a hole in your skin. Gasping for but a bright moment, you're stopped by his tongue intruding your mouth. You don't resist and close your eyes to let the feeling wash over you. The feeling of comfort and safety in his grasp. The one he offers to you anytime he's nearby. This is home.

[luckybunny555]

Secret admirer

You make the final choice in relation to your secret admirer after the revelation of their motivations.

Amber Freeman x GN!/Fem!Reader(no pronouns but for sapphics)

Warnings: creepy behavior, stalking, cursing, usual Ghostface behavior, a little bit of trust issues, being "attacked" but not harmed, mentions of murder and violence(no big description tho), a little suggestive in the end(as a treat ;) )

a/n: Part 3. I didn't proof-read it. I had to divide it three parts bc I thought it was still too long, so this is the last and shortest one.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

You close your eyes, trying to make sense of everything and calm your mind, that was still taking in her whole monologue. You regain awareness of your body, finally noticing the hand on your hip. The sensation clouded your thoughts again. You open your eyes, feeling her breath mingling with yours. With a deep exhale, you finally speak, "Wait, so..." you start, sounding a bit breathless and confused, "you sent me all those letters? And you attacked Tara, and killed that guy? I don't get it, why did you do all of this?" If her goal was to make you a little scared, there was a whole collection of horror movies waiting for the two of you.

"Because it wasn't enough," she explained with passion, trying to get you to understand her, the side of her that was still new to you. "I needed you closer. I needed you to need me. And only me. Not Tara, not Mindy, or Wes, or Chad," with that, you understand the first attack. She noticed you were getting closer to Tara, but she couldn't go all the way, or you wouldn't forgive her. Or be scared of her, instead of looking for her to protect you. That's not what she wanted. She just had to show you Tara was vulnerable, and couldn't keep you safe like she could.

"And come one, didn't you enjoy it? My gifts, my letters, even the creepy ones?" She asks you with that wicked, charming smirk imprinted on her face again.

"I stopped answering you because I was scared," you emphasize your words. "Because I knew someone was watching me, and I was worried I'd get hurt, or kidnapped or worse," your tone escalates, and your gaze is locked on hers.

"Because you didn't know it was me! But now you do," that smirk won't leave her face, and curse you for your taste, because you love the way she looks right now. "Do you really hate that I was the one keeping an eye on you? That I knew you so fucking well, maybe even better than you know yourself, that I gave you exactly what you wanted and needed?" She asks, and you can tell it's a genuine question.

But you can't bring yourself to answer her, not without judging yourself for it. You know you shouldn't admit it. You know you shouldn't give her the satisfaction. But why would you lie? The anger had mostly passed, and you still loved her. And you didn't even hate it. It felt good, to love and to be loved by her. Most people would beg for an ounce of the effort she puts into you. Who else would kill someone to protect you? Who else would watch over you, and get you out of uncomfortable situations without hesitation, and stay up late to comfort you when you're scared, always being there for you? Who else would remember every single one of your favorite books and movies, listen to every word you say, and be this devoted to you? Who else would become a fucking serial killer just because they love you so much?

She laughs, clearly amused by your silent answer. "See? I'm right. You love it," She's so pleased with herself. You close your eyes in defeat, earning a giggle from the girl. "I know that..." she brings her free hand to your face, brushing your hair behind your ear with a careful, gentle touch. Everything about her was two opposites extremes, "because I know you," she smiles, tilting her head to the side. She carefully gets closer to you, her body softly pressing against yours. "C'mon, baby, just admit it."

You see no point in resisting her any longer. It might've been a sick way to get you, but she wasn't wrong: you loved it. From the mysterious letters to the depth of her devotion. And now that you knew it was her, you weren't so scared anymore. You never got hurt. On the contrary. Everything she had done only kept you safe. And it worked like a love spell, captivating you.

"You're insane," your eyes meet hers, and she once again pretends to be offended by your comment. "But I love you," you confess in surrender, making her smile grow wider. She is clearly pleased with the answer she earned from you. "Can you drop the knife now?" The tension in your body gradually dissipates.

She chuckles, dropping the weapon to the floor. She might be the one in control, but she depends on you. To you, she's harmless.

Hesitantly, you bring your hands up, placing them on the nape of her neck. Your eyes are still locked, and this time, your heart races for a good reason. Her expression is softer, satisfied, yet with a remaining trace of venom. Just how you like it. "You're not gonna hurt me, right?" You had enough proof, but you wanted her to admit it again. She loved the way you sounded sweet and vulnerable.

"Never, baby," her voice is tinged with tenderness, and she places a kiss at the top of your cheek, her hands finding your waist. "Not unless you want me to," she adds, teasing you. With the terror melting away, you finally let out a soft laugh. Amber's attention is focused on your smile, and you notice that.

Gently, you bring her face closer, taking your time to connect your lips. Impatiently, she leans closer, kissing you as her hands pull your body against hers. She smiles against your lips, satisfied for finally getting what she wanted for so long. And you reciprocate it.

The two of you get lost in the moment, her lips staining with passion and satisfaction the memories of the scary scene she just made you experience. Now that you know the source of your fears is Amber, you can enjoy the frightening and exhilarating sensations that come with that. This might be what it feels like to enjoy horror movies, but better. Because right now, you could feel her lips on yours. You feel her hands on your lower back and hip, yours entangled in her hair, and your bodies pressing against each other. You never expected your night to turn out like that, especially not when you were crying for your life just a few minutes ago. But wasn't it worth it?

All the desires and feelings you bottled up for so long were finally spilling out, clear in the way your intensity increased. Amber took that as a silent confirmation of your craving for her, the delight of the achievement consuming her. Knowing how much you wanted, and needed her, filled her with a sense of accomplishment. And she was determined to keep that feeling alive.

Momentarily breaking the kiss, her lips trail down to your jawline. Your left hand grips her arm, pulling her even closer as you giggle in satisfaction. You can feel her smile on your skin, your reaction to her kisses pleasing her, as she continues to leave kisses on your jawline, slowly reaching your neck.

Snapping you out of your trance, the sound of your phone ringing causes Amber to groan, displeased with the unfortunate interruption. She moves away from your neck, scanning your expression. "This time it's not me," she teases, feigning innocence.

You playfully scoff, reluctantly pulling away from her and leaning down to grab your phone, that was still on the floor. It was your mom. Amber attentively observes you as you pick up the call.

"Mom?" mindlessly heading to the kitchen, you wonder why she was calling you.

"Hi, sweety," the familiar voice speaks on the phone. "Did you get home safe? Is everything alright? I didn't want to leave you alone, but I had that meeting, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

You look over your shoulder at Amber, who was picking up her mask and knife from the floor. "Uhm, yeah, everything's fine," Amber looks at you with curiosity and a hint of gratefulness. "Amber's here," you catch the girl's attention again, "I didn't wanna be alone so I asked her to come over. Can she stay for dinner?" Your request earns a smile from Amber as she walks towards you, placing her items on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, she's there? Of course, sweetheart, I'll get home soon," your mom sounds pleased with the idea. Obviously because she doesn't know the whole story. But she wouldn't get it. "Amber's a good girl, I like her," she adds.

Her words make you chuckle, and Amber, overhearing the conversation, tilts her head to the side in amusement. "I also think that," you smile, playfully teasing the girl in front of you, despite the truth in your statement.

Once the call ends, Amber can't hide the satisfaction on her face. "I'm a good girl?" she continues to tease you, making you giggle.

"Amber, don't start," you don't resist the urge, kissing her once more. "You better hide this whole costume or you'll lose your nice reputation with my mom," Amber nods, pretending to be concerned.

You look at the box she sent you earlier, then look at her with a pout and annoyed expression, "I can't believe you cut my favorite plushie's head off. That's cruel."

She gives you a mockingly apologetic look, "don't worry, babe, I'll fix it."

The both of you put away the props from Amber's staged attack, hiding the traces of Ghostface's appearance. You would never give away her identity, not now that you knew you had Ghostface infatuated with you. In return, you mentally vowed to protect Amber too, in your own way. With that, she maintained her cool and careless attitude around your friends, her sweet and caring image around your family, and her obsessive, devoted and endlessly loving demeanor with you, and you only.