#you take sick leave for mental health reasons and don't expect it to turn into physical health reasons too but wcyd

[woosansang]

ateez ✧ bouncy ✧ 230625

[lucy90712]

My God ! More Pedri (or even Gavi) dad, please.

A/n: I decided to do both and obviously this is set when they are both older 

Gavi: 

- when you found out and told Pablo he was really nervous because although you both knew you wanted kids you weren't sure if you were ready just yet but he was still really excited 

- the real reason he was so nervous because he always knew he wanted to be the best dad he possibly could be and with having to always be away for games he wasn't sure if he could live up to the expectations he had set for himself 

- once he got over his fears and you reassured him that everything would work out he was really excited to go on this journey with you 

- he likes to be involved in everything even if it means missing training to go to scans with you which to start with gets him in trouble as you hadn't told everyone yet but he didn't care he just wanted to be there for you 

- being there for everything also means the hard parts which he hated because he didn't like to see you suffering but he did all he could to make things better and help where he could even if that was just sitting with you on a bad sickness day

- he is really supportive the entire pregnancy and you become his top priority which means he will drop anything if you need help or want something from him which can be exhausting but he will never complain as he knows things are 10x harder for you 

- when it comes time to start telling people he is so excited and as soon as you are starting to feel better he brings you to training with him where he very happily shows off your small bump and tells his friends everything even if they don't want to know he tells them anyway 

- the entire team are incredibly supportive as well and some of the guys that already have kids offer you things they no longer need and just advice in general which is really useful and they become the people you both turn to if you need help 

- as you get further into your pregnancy and the bump becomes bigger Pablo can't keep his hands off it whenever he is around his hands are on your stomach feeling the baby move around which will never not be fascinating to him that he can feel your baby 

- he loves to talk to the baby as well most evenings he will lay down and talk to you but mostly the baby about his day and tell them about what their life will be like when they enter the world which melts your heart every time 

- when you go into labour he completely freaks out to begin with he doesn't know where to start so you have to calm him down and get him to put the hospital bag in the car and then sit and wait for your contractions to get closer together 

- it physically pains him to watch the pain of each contraction take over your body but there is nothing he can do other than be there for you so that's what he does he doesn't leave your side the entire time you are in labour 

- the second the baby is born he is completely smitten and he even cried when he held them for the first time which he'd never admit to anyone but he just couldn't help himself his heart was just so full of love in that moment 

- xavi gives him some time off after the baby is born and he spends pretty much all of that time with you staring at the baby not believing that you had brought life into the world 

- he is really good at caring for you as well he makes sure that you are doing ok and if anything seems wrong he is looking it up within a second and making sure you go to the doctors if necessary 

- once he is back to training your routine changes but he still insists on taking turns with you in getting up at night even before a game he will still get up to make sure that you get some sleep 

- he is really good about making sure that you still get some time to yourself to do what you want so when he has some time off he will look after the baby and allow you to sleep or go out for a bit by yourself because he knows that becoming a parent can affect your mental health and he wants to make sure you are ok

- as the baby gets older he loves to spend time with them teaching them how to talk and walk so when their first word is mama he gets slightly offended but he thinks it's so cute that he gets over it quite quickly 

- the child is so spoiled because Pablo will get them all sorts of toys and other things and your friends/family do the same but you still make sure that your child grows up to be a good person as that's incredibly important to both of you 

- despite being nervous to start with Pablo would never change anything that happened because he loves your child with all of his heart and can't wait to have more in the future so that he gets to experience all the firsts all over again 

Pedri: 

- when you found out you were pregnant Pedri was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling for like a week after which made people ask questions but he has to try and play it off as you weren't ready to tell people yet

- from the moment you find out he is super clingy and just wants to be by your side whenever he can as he wants to savour every moment as he knows time will go by quickly and he wants to remember as much as possible 

- when you go to your first appointment he goes with you and everything goes well but he realises that he doesn't really know a whole lot about pregnancy and what you will be going through so he spends a few days reading lots of books and looking up a lot of different things so that he has a better understanding of pregnancy 

- with his better understanding when you start to experience more symptoms he is able to try and help especially with sickness he has a list of different things to try which didn't work too well but you appreciated him trying 

- he really takes care of you throughout your pregnancy so if you are having a bad day or are more tired than usual when he is home he will do everything and not allow you to lift a finger as he wants you to be as relaxed as possible 

- part of taking care of you also mean bringing you with him to matches and training as that way he can make sure you are ok and as you work from home you can just sit and work during trainings while he glances over every few minutes to check on you

- going to training with Pedri is how everyone on the team found out that you were pregnant because as you were walking in with Pedri he happened to mention something that all of a sudden made you feel really sick which had people asking questions and then it became impossible to hide when Gavi noticed your little bump

- from that day the team were quite involved in your pregnancy especially Gavi who was fascinated but also disgusted by some of the things that you told him but him and the rest of the team liked to see scan pictures after you'd been to an appointment 

- every scan you have Pedri gets more excited as the baby looks more and more like a human so when you suggest doing a 4d scan he is very excited and the whole time he is just staring at the screen in awe that he gets to see your baby's face in such detail 

- getting to remember the pregnancy is something that is important to the both of you so that each week you take pictures to see how much the bump grows which go straight into a scrapbook along with scan pictures so that you always have something to look back on although Pedri will look through the book pretty much every night smiling 

- Pedri is obsessed with your bump and usually has his hands on it or rests his head against it but his favourite thing is talking to your bump he has been known to say things to your bump that he hasn't even said to you yet but you don't mind as it's cute watching him talk to your baby 

- another thing he does is play music to the baby as he heard that songs you play before the baby is born will calm them when they are born and he wanted those songs to be ones you liked so they didn't drive you insane 

- when it gets close to your due date Pedri won't go anywhere without you as he doesn't want to miss anything or for you to go into labour alone which turned out to be a good idea as your waters broke while he was training 

- you made him finish training as you knew it would be a while but as soon as he was done he made you get in the car and go home to pick up the hospital bag before actually going to the hospital 

- your labour was very long and painful but Pedri stayed by your side the whole time even when you were yelling at him for putting you in that situation he made sure that you had everything you wanted 

- the whole time you were pushing you had hold of his hand and by the time the baby was out his hand was crushed but he didn't care as he knew you were in a lot more pain than he was 

- he cried when seeing the baby for the first time but he's not afraid to admit it for him it was the best moment of his life and he loves to tell people how amazing it was even if they make fun of him for being so sappy 

- in the time he has off after baby is born Pedri does as much as he possibly can because he wants you to rest and recover as much as possible so he gets up throughout the day and night to change the baby or just settle them back down only disturbing you if they need feeding 

- any free time he gets is mostly spent with all of you laying on the sofa together just soaking in the time when the baby is still small as you both know it won't last long 

- Pedri is the best dad he is so loving and gives your child whatever they need whether that is someone to talk to or just to be left alone and just watching him makes you want to have more and he would never say no to having more kids to love 

[natashasfilms]

Chapter Seven - A Real Rain

Summary: FBI agent Leila faces a profound life change after giving birth to a baby girl, supported by her loving husband. Despite the challenges of motherhood, Leila returns to her role as a dedicated agent a few months later, ready to confront gruesome and haunting cases with the BAU team.

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death. All the usual Criminal Minds stuff. And there is NO CHEATING.

Note 1: I imagine Leila Kade as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don't see her as South Asian, then that's fine. It won't affect the storyline. I also imagine the OC!Male as South Asian, but again, it won't affect the storyline.

Note 2: The team will consist of the main cast (Emily, Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron, and Rossi) but will also include Elle Greenaway and Jason Gideon because they were some of my favorite characters and I wanted to include them with the rest of the team. Basically, Elle and Gideon never leave when Emily and Rossi join.

Note 3: There will be multiple time skips throughout this series. For example, the first chapter will begin on the first season and episode of the show but then there will be a time skip to later episodes (because there are obviously way too many episodes to write this series on and I wanted to include specific episodes that would help the plot of this story). This means that this series will be a slow burn romance but I believe it to be better this way. This will also stray from the actual show a lot, so don't expect it to follow the plot precisely.

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 17

Jasmine's joyful giggles filled the room as Zaid continued to play with her, bouncing her gently on his stomach. Leila lay on her pillow, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, but her heart warmed by the sight of her husband and daughter bonding.

"I don't want to go to work." Leila mumbled, her voice barely audible as she fought the urge to stay in bed.

Zaid turned his attention from their daughter to Leila, his expression softening with understanding. Still holding Jasmine securely, he offered her a gentle smile. "I know, honey." He said. His gaze briefly returned to Jasmine, pride and love evident in his eyes, before he turned back to Leila. "Why don't you take a day off today? Just one day to relax and recharge. It won't hurt, right?"

Leila paused, considering Zaid's suggestion. The thought of a break sounded enticing. The last extended break she'd taken was during her maternity leave, which felt like ages ago. However, all the thoughts washed away when her phone started ringing.

“Never mind.” Zaid sighed.

Leaving her family was the most challenging part. She had deep respect for her job, knowing that catching those sick criminals meant one less murderer on the streets. However, she couldn't help but despise being away from her family for days on end.

Being a mom while also being an FBI agent wasn't the easiest job. Although she had her husband, Jasmine sometimes wouldn't even go to her dad, wanting to be with her mom all the time. Balancing the demands of working tough cases for days straight and then being back at home to take care of her daughter and spend time with her family as a whole took a toll on her mental health. But at least she had Zaid, who helped her in any way he could.

As she prepared to say goodbye, Zaid wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to his chest. "You're overworking yourself. You should take a break soon."

She sighed, resting her head on his chest. "I know. I will soon. Maybe after this case."

"Okay, good." He replied, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Leila said, glancing over his shoulder to see Jasmine lying on the bed. She walked over and sat on the edge, giving her daughter a quick kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Jasmine."

Jasmine squealed with delight, kicking her legs in response to her mom's affection. Zaid joined the baby on the bed, knowing how fussy their daughter could get when her mom had to leave.

On the jet, Leila sat next to Elle, who was playing cards with JJ and Spencer. They were en route to their new case, which involved a serial killer who stabbed knives into the victims' ears, then broke off the handles. Leila put on her glasses and delved into the case file.

“This is not how I planned to spend a few days home in New York.” Elle said, looking carefully at her cards.

“I'd kill for an afternoon at Barneys and dinner at Il Cantinori.” JJ responded.

“I'm looking forward to seeing New York.” Spencer chimed in, shocking everyone on the plane with his response.

Derek raised an eyebrow. “You've never been to New York?”

Spencer shook his head. “We've never had an unsub there.”

Aaron turned to Gideon, overhearing their conversation. “I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time.”

“What's vacation time?” Gideon sarcastically questioned.

“Reid, it's a one-hour flight.” Derek exasperated, still shocked.

“Well, if we have some time, I'll show you around.” JJ smiled reassuringly at Spencer.

“It's a three-hour train ride, man.” Everyone, except Leila, laughed, while Spencer looked flustered.

Leila rubbed her temples, sensing a headache coming on. Zaid was right, she really was overworking herself. She was afraid she might become sick soon.

Elle looked over at her and furrowed her eyebrows. “Hey, you okay?” She whispered, as not to gain attention from the members on the plane. “Do you need anything?”

Leila shook her head, laying her back onto the seat. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s kind of my job to worry about you, Leila.” Elle retorted. “I’m here if you need anything.”

Leila looked at her from the corner of her eyes, giving her a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks, Elle.”

Situating herself at the station in New York, her raging headache did not subside even after they landed. Leila took some painkillers in hopes that the headache would go away, but it had yet to kick in.

Someone placed a glass of water in front of her, causing Leila to look up. Aaron sat down in the chair next to her, keeping his usual stoic face present. “Drink it.”

Leila rolled her eyes but complied, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a few sips. “Thanks.” She mumbled, placing it back down and closing her eyes.

“You’re overworking yourself.” Aaron stated, narrowing his eyes at her. “If you need a few days off, just tell me.”

She scoffed, rubbing her eyes. “Aaron, if I needed a day off, I would’ve told you. And I don’t want to leave you guys.”

Locking eyes with her, his stern face didn’t falter. “You’re a vital member of this team but if you need some time away, I understand. You’re an agent who is also a mother to a little girl, so you have priorities outside of work.”

Her face softened at the mention of Jasmine. She put the glass of water down onto the desk, then clasped her hands together to tuck under her chin. “I guess I do need a break.” Aaron was about to speak before she cut him off. “After this case, though. I’m taking a break after we’re done with this case.”

Aaron nodded his head before standing up. He gently offered a comforting touch on her shoulders before walking away.

The team decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant, not having found any new leads in the case after a long day. Leila’s headache had finally simmered down, allowing her to feel comfortable with working once again.

“So you know there was a big hole in the profile you presented back there.” Aaron told Gideon, as they all began to eat. Leila smelled the delicious food and immediately dove in, feeling starved from the entire day.

JJ looked confused, looking between Aaron and Gideon. “What's the hole?”

“I left out the possibility our UnSub might be a cop.” Gideon answered. Leila looked up at them, her eyes going from one person to the next as she continued to chew her food.

Derek chimed in. “Well, they do know the system. They're definitely overworked and underpaid.”

Aaron nodded his head but his eyes were set on his plate. “They see so much injustice every day they can easily take matters into their own hands.”

Leila swallowed before inputting her own comment. “It would certainly make sense.”

Spencer added his own facts, all while struggling to use the chopsticks. “When someone like our victim is killed, police refer to the murder as a public service murder.”

“You know how many rapists I saw walk during my Sex Crime days?” Elle shook her head, sighing. “And either the victims, they didn't want to press charges, or the juries, they said that she was asking for it. It was enough to make you explode.”

Leila took a napkin to wipe the corner of her mouth, holding it in her hand as she continued to eat. “The system is messed up. It doesn’t make sense how these people can just get away.”

“Well, it's a long way from feeling like that and actually committing murder.” JJ stated. “Don't you think?”

“Oh, not really.” Aaron responded to JJ’s question. At the same time, Spencer asked the waiter for a fork, causing everyone to snicker. Leila grinned, shaking her head at the boy’s actions.

“Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick?” Spencer began again with his facts. “He equated knives with acts of aggression.”

Derek laughed, holding the chopsticks up. “You don't know how to use them, do you?”

“It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils.” Spencer answered and the table burst out laughing.

“Okay, here let me help you.” JJ said, taking Spencer’s chopsticks out of his hands to wrap a rubber band around it.

“Oh, the rubber band trick.” Derek smirked.

“Yeah, the rubber band trick.” JJ smiled.

Derek went back to the initial conversation.“Well, New York City cops do have a lot of pressure on them. Every move they make gets scrutinized.”

“One of the first cases of criminal profiling happened when a New York City cop asked a criminal psychiatrist friend to help with the Mad Bomber case.” Gideon stated.

“The Mad Bomber was a major inspiration for the Unabomber. He eluded cops in New York for 16 years, starting in 1940, but he kept his promise and never set off a single bomb during the Second World War.” Spencer said.

Gideon continued. “Psychiatrist James Brussels, he developed a profile so accurate, he predicted that when they caught the Bomber, he'd be wearing a double-breasted suit and it would be buttoned.”

Elle chuckled, looking around. “You guys, we're here in New York and even when we're not talking about our case, we end up talking about another profiler.” They all mumbled in agreement, while Aaron spoke up.

“You're right.” He turned to look at her. “So, Elle, are you seeing anyone?”

Derek laughed, almost choking on his food. Leila smirked, sipping on her glass of water before she caught Elle’s eye, winking at her. Elle’s face grew red and she looked away, her eyes set on the food on her plate. Derek continued to chuckle even as Elle changed the topic. “Uh, Gideon, why didn't you tell the cops that it might be one of their own?”

“If we're gonna catch the guy, we need all the help the cops can give us.” Gideon answered honestly. “Last thing I wanna do is accuse one of them of murder.” Suddenly, his phone began to ring, which he picked up a second later. “Gideon.”

“How's it going there?” JJ nodded her head towards Spencer, who still seemed to be struggling.

“Awesome.” Spencer said sarcastically. “It's absolutely incredible, 1.3 billion people stay nourished using these things.”

Leila clapped to tease him, grinning. “Yay, Spencer! You’re doing it!” Spencer rolled his eyes but smiled, anyway.

Gideon mumbled something back into the phone before ending the call, his face rid of all the joy that was there only thirty seconds ago. “He just took out a cop-killer.” He said, causing everyone to look up and their smiles to fade.

Leila’s mouth opened before she shut it back closed. She let out a deep breath, losing her appetite altogether. The team quickly finished what they could and paid the bill, leaving the restaurant, and headed back to the PD.

After lots of new information, they were able to locate the unsub who was currently inside the most recent victim’s apartment. Gideon had called them to ensure they were safe, but as soon as he heard a gunshot over the phone, the team quickly rushed to the apartment.

Leila geared up, wearing her bulletproof vest as she, Aaron, and Gideon were ready to enter the building. There were police cars and ambulances surrounding the complex, sirens blazing into the air.

The three held their guns up in front of them as they made it to the door, hearing the unsub screaming at the victim’s wife to shut up. Gideon was the first one to walk inside, with Leila and Aaron following. Leila slowly put a hand in front of the wife, backing her away from the unsub and her husband on the floor.

Gideon tried to calm the unsub down, speaking to him to try and get him to release the gun in his hands. Leila’s gun was still pointed at him. “You’re hearing voices, right?” She asked him, trying to get through to him.

“They always lie.” The unsub, Marvin, said. “If he dies, they'll go away.”

Aaron spoke with his fierce gaze set on him. “What do you think, they won't come back? Waverly, Iowa, 1999. A man kills two boys, only to walk away free and kill another one.”

“Stop.” Marvin mumbled.

Gideon continued. “Haskins, Georgia, last year. Three white guys. Three white guys kill a black teenager, just because. Four witnesses see it, the jury finds them not guilty, just because.”

“The first two boys were 14 years old.” Leila added, noticing that it was working. “The third was only 12.”

“Shut up!”

“It doesn't stop.” Leila kept going. “Diallo, Blake, Simpson, T. Cullen Davis.”

“You can't kill fast enough to keep up.” Gideon finished.

Marvin started to cry. “They killed my parents.”

“I know.” Gideon responded.

“I'm so tired.”

“Marvin, listen to me.” Gideon put his hands up, his gun already on the ground long before. “Why don't you just give me the gun, and I promise you, I will get you a place to rest.”

It was only a few seconds but Marvin put the victim onto the ground, beginning to rise up from the floor to give the gun to Gideon. However, at the last second, Aaron shot him.

Leila silently huffed out a breath, looking at Aaron who slowly lowered his gun. He didn’t look at her but called for the ambulance to come up. They heard the medics rushing inside and began to take away both the victim and the unsub, with the wife by the former’s side.

Leila, Aaron, and Gideon walked out of the building, watching as the ambulance took them away. She pursed her lips as she walked towards Elle, Derek, and Spencer. Aaron walked behind her, but he was extremely quiet.

She didn’t have any words to say. She felt her headache return and she silently winced, rubbing her temples. The loud noises of people conversing and the sirens blasting only made it worse.

She turned around to see Aaron’s gaze on the apartment. She tapped him on the shoulder, making him look at her. “I’m ready for that break.” She declared, crossing her arms. Aaron only nodded, but no words seemed to form.

Returning home, her headache seemed to increase. She grabbed her bag and shoved all of her files inside. Though she was taking a break, she knew that the paperwork would have to get done, somehow.

She exited her office and walked over to Aaron’s, who was sitting at his desk filling out more paperwork. She knocked on his door and he muttered a quiet, “come in.” She walked inside, waiting for him to look up.

“Take a week off.” He told her, knowing how difficult it was for her to balance between work and her personal life. “I don’t want to see you here until next Monday. No offense.”

She shrugged, laughing. “None taken. I don’t think I have the energy to see any of you for the time being, anyway.” She turned around to leave, but stopped. “I think you should take a break soon.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “I can’t.”

“Why? Just because you’re the Unit Chief?” Leila asked, shaking her head. “Bullshit, Aaron. You tell me that I’m overworking myself? Look at you.”

“I…” Aaron sighed. “It’s not that easy. There’s too much to be done and I feel selfish for taking a break when I know there’s no actual emergency.”

Leila raised an eyebrow. “So, what? Unit Chief’s don’t deserve breaks unless they have an emergency? That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard.” Aaron stayed quiet but his eyes were still on her. “You deserve to be at home with Haley and Jack. Just because you don’t have an emergency doesn’t mean you can’t take a break.”

When he still didn’t say anything, Leila sighed. Her eyes landed on the photo on his desk, a picture with him, Haley, and Jack.

“I’ll see you in a week, Aaron. Think about it.” She said, before leaving his office and closing the door behind her.

[aquariclily]

🔞 Minors do not interact! 18+ only, & preferably 20+.

⠀General Roleplay Information!

All my blogs are listed here!

I personally prefer long RP stuff to be discussed through messages or Discord as I value OOC trust & communication. However, I'm good with filling in interest checkers as well.

I accept most inbox submissions, even for non-(Tumblr)roleplayers. But please don't expect for literally all inbox replies to turn into threads (though, you can ask.)

I can't consistently cut posts bc I'm generally on my phone & open Tumblr on the app.

I roleplay on both Tumblr & Discord. Discord RP's are a little more prioritized sometimes because it's more easy for me for short/more casual stuff. I'm open to try out other platforms if convenient.

NOTE: I am highly selective with my canons.

⠀Do Not Interact…

— DNI if your blog contains the following: Pedo/Incest/Bestiality/Anything Too Problematic (think of e.g. uncomfy~immoral/illegal taboo stuff, etc.) I really don't care what tf you're into - I just don't want to SEE these things on my dash. (Plus, I also don't want trouble.)

— OOC garbage behavior such as; Racism/Sexism/T.ERF/S.WERF/G.ender critical/M.AP/Z.oosexual/A.lt-right/Any discrimination or insensitivities to marginalized groups/etc. I will block that shit on sight.

— "Collectors". I block collectors on sight. I have terrible experiences with them. I usually block them on sight (for my mental health.) If you want your OC x Canon ship, you must offer double-up or leave me alone. Find some other blog.

— I'll repeat: No minors. Roleplay is for 18+ only, 20+ is preferred (not mandatory. This is because I'm 30+.) However, minors are free to follow my blog(s) if they are SFW. It's just that I don't want to roleplay with them.

— If I blocked you: Don't fucking block evade me!!

Notes: I block very liberally to curate my Tumblr Experience™ (it usually means that I just don't want to interact so don't take a block too personal) & it would be too laboring to fully elaborate on every small thing that just bothers me. (Along on how a lot of people on this website lack basic reading comprehension… not worth it. 🗿)

If you read this. Please don't worry about me blocking you out of the blue, I usually (kindly) confront people if we're mutuals for a while.

I admit that I suffer from trauma (C-PTSD) so curating my experience is very important. I don't want to list my specific triggers because it can be used against me but it's in the range of taboo/extreme stuff (what's in my DNI.)

⠀RP Do's…

— Just wing it. Don't get intimidated, I like casual RP's on Tumblr too. Don't worry too much about length/detail.

— Try to read the Blog/Muse Info's. Not mandatory, but it would be nice. This post is just the general RP rules (hence, it's posted on my main.)

— Be patient. Acknowledge that there is an actual PERSON behind the screen. I am not an AI. Don't treat me like one. I have my preferences, & prefer to stick in my comfort zone. And sometimes I get busy. Sometimes, I just want to do different things. Sometimes, I'm just too tired, moody, sick, or whatever reason. You can ask what's up when in doubt, though. It's fine. I'm just saying that I have a life, my preferences, and that I need my rest.

— Talk OOC, plot stuff, discuss dynamics between our muses, etc. I may fill in interest checkers but I personally prefer to work through messages. Interest checkers don't really work for me on my canons so I no longer do that. I value good OOC communication. This is how you get things done with me.

— If there is a problem, talk it out. Let's acknowledge that we're human and being humans means that we're flawed and we all can have our bad days; I want to keep my mind open and hear you out.

— Give attention, show some excitement; I gravitate to those who seem most interested & express it. Don't worry about ♥/reblog-spam lol, I don't mind. I like the attention.

— Come up with ideas. Talk about our muses & world-building. You could never ever bother me with genuine interest & passion. Passionate writers are admirable.

— If you struggle with coming up with ideas: Ask! I will not mind if you ask, because that indicates that you're interested! Which is a good thing. I'll gladly brainstorm for you.

— Drop threads & start new ones if you lost muse. It's fine.

— Take a break if you need it! ♥

⠀RP Don'ts…

And I can't stress it enough.

— Don't be weird. Respect my boundaries. I am very tired.

— Don't sexualize/romance the muses that are minors or child-coded.

— Don't godmod. Don't try to control my muse without my consent.

— Don't expect me to ship something if we haven't discussed it. Also don't be a jerk if I say "No". I'm still selective. Don't demand me to do double up for ships if I don't see you demand it to others & don't see it in your BYI/RP Rules. (It's unfair to put a double standard to me.)

— Don't disrespect my wishes and preferences in roleplays. I am not an AI that is willing to write literally everything. Don't get mad if my muse isn't going to act the way you want them to. Don't guilt trip me for retiring muses: My muse for things isn't going to stay the same forever.

— Don't pressure me to write things I'm not (or no longer) interested in. When in doubt, just ask. If you don't ask; I guess you'll just stay in doubt then! Sorry.

— Don't make OOC vagueposts & stuff like that. It makes me nervous and worry if it's about me. I also will raise a brow at you if you give OOC drama more attention than roleplay, this can result into me confronting you or even unfollowing you if we're not close enough. Outside that: I actually DO support callouts of genuinely shitty & problematic people with actual/proper evidence! I'd rather not want to end up interacting with e.g. someone who's predatory or weird around minors.

— Don't be afraid to message me!! I'd love to talk.

Discord…

— Feel free to message me for my Discord if interested. Be sure to have some clear information about yourself somewhere before I add you!

— My status often says that I'm "offline". I want to reply at my own pace.

— Even on Discord, I take my breaks.

⠀⠀♡ this post to confirm that you've read the "General Roleplay Information"!

— Message me if there are any questions! Don't be shy if you don't understand some things.

[eldritch-spouse]

Hey its hoodie anon

If you don't mind writing some angst-comfort stuff, would you mind writing for some of your guys helping their s/on out during a difficult mental health time?

October used to be my favorite month, it has my favorite holiday, but it's been really hard for me for the past couple of years for ✨reasons✨. So if you'd be willing to write for this, I would deeply, deeply appreciate it.

[I'll never pry, but I hope you're able to enjoy October again, especially Halloween. These types of asks are almost painful for me to do, comfort fluff is not my thing at all, I suck at it.]

Ugh, honestly anon, these assholes can barely keep themselves together, you expect them to be able to help you through mental health lapses? Goodness, you couldn't have chosen a worst possible bunch.

Trying to cheer you up when you're having a bad time

Breg just doesn't know what to do and he's upset at himself for not really having an answer. Sometimes he's fucked up about things he went through, and his answer to that is just to spend time with you. So, maybe, you just need his company? A cuddle? Do you want to go outside? Do something? You might as well tell him, he's going to be in distress the entire time.

Fasma and shitty mental health go hand in hand together. He's not going to ask questions and he won't force you to talk. He's handing you a bottle and sitting next to you. Maybe even holding your hand. You'll get over it, you have no choice. No one does.

Gallon is also one to offer drinks, but unlike Fasma, the slime is an avid chatter. He will definitely pry. Come on, he can keep a secret, talk to him. Is there something he can get you for you to stop being such a downer? Aw, cheer up now! To say he lacks empathy is an understatement.

Morell's dragging you to a chair until you tell him what's wrong. And don't play stupid, he doesn't have all day. Out with it. You're not leaving without a decent meal either. Hey, you want to go hunting with him later? Having something to concentrate on might do you some good. He can teach you to make basic traps.

Patches hesitates. He'll try to start a talk, but he's not good at that, so if you express discomfort he's more likely to just give you something interesting to look at. Wanna see this fucked up plant The Clergy made yesterday? He can call one of the bobbles to entertain you if you want. He's likely to show up later as his nighttime self and take you on a wildride, doing stupid things for the sake of it. A night of adrenaline is bound to get your mood up.

Vinnel, just like with most sorrows in his life, is all about comedy and violence. So that's what he's going to offer you- Tricks, jokes, silly faces, games, and front row seats to his shows. Hey, you ever seen a shark woman tear someone's legs off? Okay wait, what if he lets you throw the knife during the spinning wheel segment? You might not get the head, but that just means you can try again! He doesn't take serious conversations all that well, so he's kind of quiet and awkward, but he mulls on it later.

Santi knows what it's like to doubt yourself, whether that stems from internal or external factors is irrelevant. You're having a day off with him to do things you like and enjoy the finer things in life. You're hot stuff and you should feel like it, so come on now, get your things ready, turn your notifications off, you're heading out. The incubus won't press you into conversation, but he's ready to hear you and he's sensible enough to comfort you.

Grimbly is an impulsive, greedy little monster. When he's down, he usually gets two tubs of ice cream, eats until he's sick and orders 300 items online which Santi will clearly feel the sting of in his wallet. He's not saying you should do the same, but being a mall rat with him will probably cheer you up, right mommy/daddy?

Mervin, who is as sensible as a cinder block, will call you a sniveling sod of a person. He picks you up like a sac of potatoes and takes you to a nice restaurant and then you're going to see a movie with him. Ugh, smile already, you look like shit when you frown. You should tell him what has you like that, it's some loser, isn't it? Honestly, you're such a bleeding heart.

Obie gifts you his coping mechanisms- Good food and good music. And shitty video games, but y'know, mainly the first two. You don't have to talk, you don't even have to knock honestly, just let yourself in and he'll lay on you like a lazy blanket that offers you snacks every now and then. He might push you to drone on about something that he knows you like talking about, anything to distract you.

Ludwig is taking you to one of those rooms you can rent, where the whole goal is to fuck shit up and break everything (look it up, it exists). Now, he's not telling you to kill anything, but blowing off steam violently can still help you out. If that doesn't work, then he'll just invite you to take a nap with him and have oddly deep conversations about life. What to live for, how to be, things of that sort.

Nebul is just straight up going to ask to eat those feelings off you. Or at least a part of it. You need to grow emotionally, and he can help you through that journey, but he can also alleviate you immediately if he finds those sentiments to be extremely harmful to you. In the end, he's going to give you a small chemical imbalance where you're entirely high, when you crash from it, the wraith will already have a plan for how to process those emotions.

Belo is so fucking lost. He doesn't know what to do unless he's given direct orders most of the time. So just tell him??? What do you want him to do? Anything? Do you want worship? Meals? Do you want him to lead you somewhere calm? Please just say something, he's so lost and he can clearly tell you're upset. I think he'd just mush your face in his fluffed up chest and stay there forever if you don't give him any command.

Sybastian will play with you. It starts with odd nudges and bonks, then licks. He'll pick you up and toss you in the air like a child, maybe even try to get you to run so he can chase you around and roughouse for a bit. That might make you feel better. Or not. If you lash out, ultimately he offers you distance or just holds you. Conversations are not his strong suit, but the mimic can listen.

Fank-e is placing way too many stickers on you. And bracelets. And wow, look at this cute shirt he found online. He's ordering stuff on mass without you even knowing it. He's asking if you want to make bead jewelry with him or go to a concert somewhere. If you dump heavy topics onto the robot, he will fumble and offer very short responses, ultimately still trying to steer you towards activities he deems fun and productive.

Krulu's mental health is affected by yours, so chances are that he's already picking at what's making you sullen before you even bring it up. More often than not, he thinks the matter is trivial, but he's forcing you to talk to him about it anyway. With a deadpan and a surprising amount of cool rationale, he's going to deconstruct the way you think about whatever's making you upset and reassure you that said sadness is most likely pointless when faced with your role. There are few things you should care about now that you're by his side, and as such, some emotions have to be shed when dealing with irrelevant elements.

[eirikaanemo]

Can You Keep A Secret?

Warnings: imprisonment, mentions of starvation and sickness

Note: I haven't actually played Dvalin's quest but I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible. Feel free to leave a comment or message me if you see something wrong.

Venti x GN!Reader

1.9k Words

Your soulmate is secretly Barbatos... now what?

Everyone has a soulmate. And everyone is born knowing your soulmate's biggest secret. For most people it’s really unhelpful, but for some people it helps them find their soulmate. You’re in the latter group, because yours gives you a name.

You've known your whole life that your soulmate is secretly Barbatos. It's… interesting, to say the least. Of course you'd never dare to tell anyone. Thankfully, asking someone what their soulmate’s secret is isn’t very common. It’s considered to be very rude, so no one asks you what your secret is. They'd think you're crazy!

Barbatos hasn't been around for centuries and you're a mortal. This is the sort of thing you would read about in trashy romance novels! But even though it’s crazy and kind of overwhelming, you know it's true. You don't know if he'd ever accept you or want to be with you, in fact, you’re pretty sure he won’t, but you want to try.

Once that’s settled, you just have to find him. If he's anywhere, it's probably the city of Mondstadt. That’s where he seems to have shown up the most in the past, after all. So you move to Mondstadt. It’s a nice place and the people are friendly. Finding a job with the Knights of Favonius was fairly easy and it paid pretty well.

Unfortunately, the 'Storm-terror' problem starts shortly after you move. He throws the whole city into chaos the first time, and then proceeds to keep doing it regularly. The fear is all encompassing, but that's fine, you try to convince yourself. It will all be worth it when you find him. ‘If you find him’, your traitorous mind whispers.

It's been months, a year even, and you're starting to lose hope. How were you expecting to find Barbatos anyway? Shout from the rooftops for him to reveal himself and whisk you away? He hasn't been around for a long time and you knew that. And to be honest, at this point you've given up.

Going home is the logical thing to do, it’s where your family is after all. But you stay because you made yourself a home here. You have friends: Jean, Lisa, and Kaeya. You have come to love the city: music, freedom, and camaraderie. Well, you love the city except for the 'Storm-terror' attacks. Those aren't very lovable.

What concerns you the most though is that 'Storm-terror' is a dragon. And dragons trend to be important (like, archon important). But no one seems to remember this one. So you research. You visit the cathedral and speak with some nuns. You dedicate some time to listening to bard’s tales, asking them if they know any songs about dragons. One does, and it's surprisingly informational. You spend time at the library, pouring through book after book. And after all this investigation, you've come to the conclusion that 'Storm-terror' is actually Dvalin of the Four Winds. Not that anyone actually believes you

It didn't stop you from telling people your theory though, and being more respectful in how you refer to him, despite all the damage he's caused. Eventually they do start considering it and the city starts catching on. If you keep doing this, you may be able to change the city's perspective of and reaction to Dvalin.

The abyss mage catches on to this, and he just can't let that happen. It could compromise the whole plan. So one day he has Dvalin abduct you and locks you up. And true to your luck, this happens out of the blue while you’re taking a walk that you’d finally convinced Jean to go on with you. Which, of course, reverses all your progress and makes the situation even worse than it was before. Incidentally, this also does the exact opposite of what you’d been trying to do by stressing out poor Jean more.

The abyss mage doesn’t care about anything other than making sure you’re not able to go back to Mondstadt. The mage does not care about human necessities. Who cares if you die? Not him. He hates humans. It's kind of part of his job description.

Your prison is where Dvalin retreats to when not attacking. And the mage has to go report to someone else sometimes, giving you opportunities to speak with Dvalin. He never responds to you, but you can tell he eventually starts listening. You start by rambling about various subjects; then talking about how you know he's Dvalin, and that you're sorry he was being treated like he was, once you know he is listening. Because while you don’t know the whole situation, you know that he feels hurt by how humans have treated him.

After several days of talking to him, he slowly starts warming up to you. It’s a strange sort of bond that grows stronger as time goes on. He starts responding and the two of you actually have conversations instead of just you talking. Eventually you even mention how you know your soulmate is actually Barbatos and that you've kind of given up finding him.

He gives a thoughtful hum, lets you vent out your feelings, tries to think of an appropriate response, then allows you to drop the subject once you’ve worn yourself out emotionally. It’s becoming obvious that your health, physical, mental, and emotional, is degrading faster as time goes on.

One day Dvalin and the mage both disappear for longer than usual. After the mage makes sure you won’t be able to escape, of course. It’s not like you would’ve been able to leave anyway. At that point you’re not able to do much at all.

Little did you know that only Dvalin would be returning. They ended up facing the traveler and their companions in battle, and Dvalin was freed from the mage’s influence. The first thing Dvalin does is take them to help "the one decent human, that he actually cares about". You're in bad shape at this point, starving, sick, and weak. But you’re aware enough to hear Jean call your name and feel someone gather you in their arms before blacking out.

When you wake up you're at the cathedral and are feeling much better. Certainly you are not fully recovered, that will take weeks. That one bard who was able to play you a song about Dvalin is always there. You vaguely remember him being there when you were found. He doesn’t really interact with you much, he’s just kind of there, but he does play peaceful music that helps you fall asleep when you’re struggling to rest.

Then the day comes for you to go home. They’ve done all they can for you and you’re past the worst of it. But you’re well enough to be out and about. “Now you take care of yourself,” Barbara lectures you. “Don’t push yourself, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and eat three square meals a day, got it?”

“Got it,” you confirm. “Thank you for taking care of me, I really appreciate your help.” She smiles, wishes you well, and returns to the cathedral. You take a moment to breathe and just appreciate being back home, free of your prison and the small cathedral room they’d kept you in while treating you.

Taking a deep breathe you start on your way home. “Hey!” You hear someone exclaim behind you. “Could you hold on a second?” Turning around, you see the bard quickly excusing himself from a street performance before running to catch up to you. Once he’s caught up, he gives you a smile.

“Hi! I’m Venti the bard! Would you be willing to speak with me about something? It’s kind of private so we would need to go to windrise or something, but you’ll want to hear this, I promise.” He says. “Alright,” you agree, “but I can’t make it all the way to windrise. Would my home do? I live alone so we’ll have privacy.” He nods, “that’ll work great!”

The walk home is quiet but comfortable. The bard’s content to hum a tune as he follows you through the streets. Soon you’re home, unlocking the door to let you and your guest in. You lead him over to the couch where you both sit down. “So,” you say, “what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I was talking with Dvalin a day or so after we freed both of you and he said you mentioned you came to Mondstadt searching for your soulmate. And that you said your soulmate’s biggest secret, the one that you know, is that they’re Barbatos,” he explains. You feel a pang of betrayal at Dvalin’s actions and some guilt for sharing your soulmate’s secret in the first place.

It probably showed on your face because he quickly spoke up again. “He didn’t just tell me for no reason though. You see, I am Barbatos. I’m your soulmate.” Your head, which had been drooping with the weight of your emotions suddenly shot up as you fumbled for a response.

Apparently that showed too because he continued, “And I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to find me. I’m sorry I almost made you give up on me. Most of my waking time is spent incognito so I can watch over everyone while not being put in a position of authority. I didn’t anticipate meeting you ”

There’s a moment or two of silence as you gather your thoughts. “It’s okay,” you assure him. “I understand why you did what you did and I’ll never hold it against you. How were you supposed to know I was even born yet, not to mention that I’ve been in the area searching for you.”

You take another moment or two to gather your wits. “I will also understand if you don’t want to do anything about this,” you state. “I don’t want you to feel forced into having a relationship with me if you don’t want to. The last thing I’d want to do is be responsible for making you miserable. And that’s not to mention how you’re an archon and I’m just a mortal.”

Your talking speeds up as you start rambling, losing control of the conversation as you feel more and more nervous. Once you realize you’re rambling you shut your mouth with a click. “Sorry about that,” you mutter. “I do that sometimes when I’m nervous.”

When you chance a glance at him, he honestly looks a little offended but mostly just really sad. “Is- is that really what you think I think about this?” He asks softly. “Because it’s not. I absolutely want this. I absolutely want you. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for millenia and I wouldn’t give this up for the world.”

He reaches over and slowly, hesitantly, so as to give you time to escape if you want, gathers you into his arms. You realize that he’s the one who picked you up to bring you home. Your ear rests against his chest as lean against him, and his heart skips a beat as you gently grab one of his hands and kiss it. “I’m glad,” you breathe. “I’m glad too,” he voices softly.

You yawn, feeling the exhaustion from your journey home and the rest of the day hit you. He pulls you close and whispers in your ear, “Sleep well, my cecilia, I’ll be here when the sun comes up and when you wake up.” You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

[leviiattacks]

Two Faced | Chapter Ten

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 4k author note :: haha.... wowww it's been long since i last updated. honestly my physical and mental health have just been horrible... that's about it, i lost a lot of motivation but if you're still reading i am very thankful and i will try to deliver the story well. i tried my best but writing whilst sick is very tiresome :-) tags :: @patience-is-here​ , @chwlogy​ , @a--nonymousse​ , @imkumichan​ 

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Keeping yourself cooped up within Levi's estate and never daring to step a foot outside should have been what you had done. Blackmailing him to keep you confined within the walls of your bedroom would be much better compared to the problem you have to resolve now. Perhaps if you had done so you wouldn't have collided face first into this muddle.

Jean fiddles with the ends of his button up, he doesn't take the chance to glance up at any of his superiors. He's either much too embarrassed or has nothing noteworthy to start off with.

Erwin chooses to call the shots seeing as neither you or the Viscount by your side wish to begin.

"You both understand why we're here. Correct me if I'm wrong?" The Commander looks between you, Jean and your unfortunate excuse of a husband. Suddenly it looks as if the gears and cogs in Jean's brain move without warning.

Offering a demure nod you expect for him to follow in your footsteps and do the same only he stands there looking between you and Levi.

"Wait...The two of you are? A couple?" Stunned isn't the word, Jean's completely flabbergasted.

"If you figured that out this late, I do not understand why Erwin sees you remotely fit for my team." Levi's beyond insulted at the fact he's only just understood the situation.

Jean, now more intimidated than ever before straightens his back and coughs clumsily, "Sorry." He murmurs chestnut eyes making contact with the hardwood floors.

The Commander's laced hands sit atop his desk, elegant fingers moving similar to honey on a spoon. He sighs not out of fatigue but pride. Whatever plan he's come up with has to be decent at the very least, his body language is telling you that much.

"We have a number of possibilities we can choose from. We owe that pleasure to Mr Kirstein here." Erwin offers him an almost cynical smile, you can't help but gulp thinking about how this is essentially your fault. With all the constant training sessions and team building tasks it makes sense for Jean to have completely forgot about your unspoken rule. Solely blaming him is incorrect.

Raising your arm above your head to intervene you make it known that you're aware of Levi shooting you a look of warning by returning it. It's best he knows you don't care for anyone's opinion let alone his.

"Permission to speak Commander?"

Your request is agreed to immediately with the wave of  Erwin's hand.

"It's my fault for not reminding Jean. I'll take the blame, I hadn't even told him the full story concerning me and Levi."

Levi doesn't enjoy your defense in the slightest. "I don't expect my wife to fling herself at other men and allow for them to snoop around gathering the details of our personal lives."

Scoffing you shield yourself with your arms over your chest.

"Oh dear husband. If you want to get personal do tell me where my family is?" It's an inside joke only Levi will be able to understand.

"If you call those people family your standards are disgustingly low."

"Maybe that explains why I settled for you."

Again, other's opinions are not at the forefront of your priority list. Regardless it's quite enjoyable pushing Levi further into a corner with that sentence. You see the internal struggle play out within him. Jaw clenched, hands balled together. He doesn't have an appropriate response

Jean bursts out unable to hold it in any longer, chest trembling with every quake of laughter that ripples through him you have to shove him with your elbow. For a Viscount his etiquette sure is nonexistent.

"My word, the two of you sound like..."

Levi stares at him most probably expecting something along the lines of "An old married couple."

But, no. It's nothing anyone in the room expects. That includes you.

"It's as if you're unhappy with each other..."

Not a noise is made after that. Jean isn't mistaken, your heart is miserable. You've never had many relationships to begin with, whether it be familial, romantic or platonic and for someone such as your husband to treat you the way he does - it feels futile having to navigate around the complexities. Even if he isn't really your husband it's disappointing to reflect on your marriage so suddenly.

Feeling your face droop a little you bite your bottom lip with your teeth. Hearing the truth from someone you barely expect to hear it from has an effect on you.

You're so caught up analyzing everything it takes you a minute to even register Levi grumbling and lunging forward pilfering the collar of Jean's shirt.

"Every day you prove to be more and more pathetic than I expect." Levi turns to look at you after that. His stare bores into you but he doesn't come off threatening, you assume his last remark is directed solely at Jean.

When he turns back only glaring at Jean now with even more tenacity than before. He's ready to snap but Erwin has clearly had enough of the unwanted altercation in his office.

"Enough. The both of you. This is most bothersome." At the Commander's orders Levi is silenced although it takes all of his resolve to do so.

Finally bothering you take a good look at Jean. He's calm in an incredibly out of character way.

Is this not the man who trembled in his boots the first time he and Levi came into contact? It's almost as if he seems pleased with himself for drawing out such a reaction from his Captain.

Erwin shuffles through stacks of paperwork on his desk. The man needs an assistant at this point. You doubt you could find anything in that haphazard pile. Edges of crumpled paper poke out uncomfortably and Erwin becomes increasingly annoyed when he can't locate what it is he's looking for.

Just as you're about to ask if he requires any assistance it seems he's found what he's been looking for, that's if his eyes are any indication of the relief he feels.

"This." He holds up the paper, all eyes in the room are trained on it. "Under normal circumstances would not have to become an option."

"But these aren't normal circumstances?" Jean's thoughtless question is irksome when the answer is so obviously staring him down in the face.

Nonetheless Erwin nods incapable of losing his cool over something so minor.

"Sign to confirm to my proposition."

The document he places onto the desk isn't what you imagine, you can practically feel the dread climb up your throat once you're done scanning it. Jean's full name placed right next to yours in bold lettering has your stomach lurching. You don't have to read the rest to understand the new circumstances you've landed into.

To make matters worse Erwin places two rings down right in front of the both of you.

A pot of boiling hot water is what you've been thrown in.

Are you supposed to be some sort of replacement for potatoes? What's Jean in this scenario? Carrots?

"It is troublesome to have the two of you put on an act to be involved with one another but I see it as our safest option." Erwin notices your parted lips and slacked jaw. "You need not worry this isn't a marriage contract, you're simply acting."

There's no path out of this pot, you and Jean will simply have to deal with the prospect of being boiled alive.

Ah, you forgot to mention who would act as the hot water but you're sure the suspect is obvious.

Even right now Levi's fury radiates off of him, it's unclear if he was given the details of the Commander's plan beforehand but if his furrowed brow and pursed lips are indicators of the truth he must have had no idea.

Your suspicions are confirmed to be correct once Levi reaches forward plucking the paper away, it just so happens he's snatched it away the very moment Jean leans in to get a closer look at it.

"I was never informed of this."

Erwin gives him a guarded smile. "Do you have any jurisdiction over what I think is best?" Is his freezing reply.

"Yes. When it concerns my wife and another man - Correction. I meant boy."

Jean's taken aback by the subtle jab and shamefacedly shoves his hands into his pockets.

You watch the scene go down with a perplexed look the entire time. Levi's frustration seems to be legitimate yet he has no logical reason for it to ever be present in the first place. Unless he has a plan which outperforms the one you've just been given he's doing this all for nothing.

"I assure you your wife is in safe hands so long as you stop interfering."

Levi's about to bark back until he catches your confusion. He's become aware of your tilted head and telling expression and only then does he silence himself permanently not before sighing deeply, muttering an expletive under his breath.

 "I’ll sign it.” That seems to be Jean’s indirect way of asking what your choice will be.

“I... will too.” Is your hesitant reply.

Levi only becomes avoidant after that. Half way through Erwin explaining how you and Jean have to look believable Levi just ups and leaves without a word. Perhaps you've hurt his pride but for what he's done to you it's a small price to pay and so you do nothing to make amends. He has no reason to feel uncomfortable, you aren't really his wife, you're essentially strangers. Does he even know your favourite colour? Your favourite food? Your favourite pastime?  

You doubt he does.

Jean and you are rather successful with your act. It feels pleasant having him brush your hair out of your face occasionally or lovingly place a hand on your forehead to check if you've come down with a fever. He laces his fingers with yours when others are around and when they aren't he lets the act go. It's satisfying having a cooperative partner.

Naturally Jean is still a tease, even now he makes the odd suggestive comment or two in passing but you can't say you hate it. In fact it excites you to think of a response that borders the edge of teasing and simple fun between friends.

The increasing openness between the two of you is enough for the cadets to deduce that he's most probably the noble man you wed in secrecy.

It's only been a few days since yours and Jean's newfound behaviour, thankfully you haven't been flooded with questions just yet. The higher ups sit nearby during breakfast, lunch and dinner keeping watch over the cadets. It leaves you able to eat and drink without having to handle the constant inquiring of your comrades.

However, you aren't as lucky today. A meeting's taking place and after yours and Jean's convincing act Erwin deems it safe enough to leave you unattended for a short while.

Of course it doesn't go according to plan because when you're involved when does anything ever go according to plan?

The cadets are flocked around your table at dinner as soon as they notice they've been left to their own devices. The opportunity to sit down without everyone invading your space is barely provided to you. Krista is sat to your right leaning into you rather animatedly, Annie has made herself at home sat across you which in itself is completely out of character and slightly unnerving, Annie never and you repeat never concerns herself with you.

"Why did you and Jean hide it?" Armin hovers over your shoulder as per usual. He can't be blamed for naturally being inquisitive and it does give you the opportunity to lay out the foundations of your plan. Now's your time to muster up one of your rehearsed responses.

"It would interfere with work." You respond immediately wanting to appear natural. Pondering on an answer for too long would raise suspicions.

Armin makes a sound of approval and shuffles into the seat next to Krista, that is until Ymir can be overheard telling him to move if he knows what's best for him.

"I have a question." Says a voice across the table, you don't have to look at the blonde parallel to you to know it's her.

For once Annie’s initiated a conversation with you, she’s not particularly great at keeping her intentions discreet. Maybe she doesn’t care if you can tell what she’s up to? But if that’s the case her plan isn’t all that foolproof, there's no way you're to let any details slip away.

Sharply inhaling waiting for what it is she has to say you find that her sentence never comes. Instead she shakes her head and murmurs a "Never mind.". You don't even have the time to ask her to stick around, she's already rose from her seat taking her unfinished plate of food with her, you let her go assuming she feels unwell.

"So how'd you two meet? Jean already told me earlier but I'd like to hear your side." Reiner's taken Annie's empty seat and his gaze is unwavering. The trap they've set up is a clever one. Surveying the hall for Bertholdt you know he has to be observing too. The two never operate alone.

You suddenly hate Reiner. For whatever reason he and his trio are endlessly obsessed with you, they've caught onto something that's for sure but you don't know what it is and now they've completely ensnared you with a backhanded trick. There's no way out of this, you have no idea what it is Jean said to Reiner, the chances of you providing the exact same answer are slim to none.

"My memory is really fuzzy, I don't think Jean gave off much of a first impression so I've forgot." Your horrible excuse doesn't fly by, everyone simultaneously narrows their eyes in disbelief. What you've said isn't convincing at all.

Husband and Wife yet you've forgot how the two of you met?

Fidgeting with the ring adorning your finger the cool metal isn't doing a great job at alleviating the pressure of the situation.

"Jean said the two of you hit it off almost instantly. Who's being dishonest?"

Reiner's either lying to catch you out or he's saying the God honest truth and right now all you can do is hope and pray for a miracle to sweep you off your feet. Mikasa and Jean still aren't within view. At this point you're hoping for Levi to save you, it doesn't matter how so long as you escape unscathed.

"Hey, I think we're just making her anxious with all the questions." Armin is quick to side with you, deep down you know he only does so due to the respect he holds for his Commander. You thank the Heaven's for Erwin's admirable smile and commendable leadership, it seems to be the only reason Armin believes you and Jean.

"Or she's lying." Reiner's resting his head in one of his palms, he's still boring holes right into your frame.

Your eye twitches, this is all unnecessary and uncalled for, whatever it is Reiner wants out of you it better be worthwhile.

He still eggs you on. "You walked out of the Captain's quarters. I saw you."

Standing up and leaning forward you plant your feet to the ground as firmly as you can you.

"And if she did what's it to you?"

Fighting the urge to sigh in relief you've never been happier to hear Jean's voice but something's off. His breathing sounds heavy - like he fought his way to get inside. Turning only then do you notice Mikasa standing by him. She looks equally as exhausted. There's been some sort of a struggle.

"You think it was funny getting Annie to guard the door?" He heaves and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

"And you think hiding secrets from the rest of us is any better?" Reiner's adamant there's information that the both of you are hiding, he's not wrong but that doesn't change that he's challenging you unprovoked without a reasonable motive.

"We're hiding nothing." Unlike you Jean is sure of his words, he's confident speaking up and he seems to be able to pull off the role of a protective husband perfectly.

“I came out of the Captain’s quarters because he had access to hot water. He said I could use his shower. That’s all it was.”

Reiner quirks an eyebrow upwards and is pleased with your answer. God you’ve said something incriminating haven’t you? It's not incriminating per se but it's without doubt malleable and easy to twist.

“Jean, you were okay with your wife doing that at the dead of night?” Reiner's still leading the interrogation.

“I was the one who suggested it.”

“I don’t believe you’re a couple." If it were Reiner who said that you wouldn't care much, after all it's pretty clear he never believed it but to your displeasure it isn't him who's spoken. Ymir's lopsided grin is all knowing and you're beginning to lose your footing in this argument any second now if any more people start to side against you.

If Ymir disagrees that almost certainly means Krista has her qualms about you too, you've observed beforehand that Ymir tends to speak for Krista on occasion. This happens to be one of those times.

Krista timidly raises her hand and Ymir gives her an approving nod encouraging her to speak.

"I don't like the conflict going on but it is suspicious..."

"Why have I only ever seen you two hold hands?" She asks.

Ymir slings her arm over Krista's shoulder affectionately. "Yeah, I tell Krista I'll marry her every day of the week."

Mikasa mumbles something unintelligible, Ymir gives her a look of warning but Mikasa doesn't seem to care. Instead she repeats what she has to say loud and clear.

"Stick to only speaking when Krista is involved."

Krista holds Ymir by her arm so she doesn't get up, she knows how she gets when she's been provoked. Even if Krista has her suspicions it isn't worth Ymir gaining a permanent penalty point on her record.

Thankfully Armin cuts in. "There's no solid evidence to show they're lying and even if they are the Commander's most probably told them to. Don't you think there's a reason? Leave it be if that's the case. I trust him with our lives."

"We have a right to know." Annie's returned and insists to keep this back and forth going.

Just as you're about to fire back Jean takes a hold of your waist, you look down and seeing his large hands planted securely around your frame has your stomach bubbling with anticipation.

"What are you— "

And then he kisses you, he doesn't ask and instinctively your arms move to whack his chest but you stop yourself in time. You realize it's for the sake of your plan not falling through and so you gently place your hands on his shoulders attempting to ground yourself. It becomes increasingly difficult when you sink deeper into the kiss than you'd like to admit. Blood rushes to the tips of your ears and the thumping of your heartbeat makes it difficult to articulate any thoughts, all you really know is that you like this, whatever this is.

Jean's hands don't feel like they were made to rest against your back, they feel slightly out of place as if he's a key and you're an unmatched lock. In spite of that the circles he comfortingly rubs into the sides of your waist are appreciated, you almost forget you're in a room full of people until you're flooded by cold air.

You've been dragged off of Jean and something in the pit of your stomach has you wishing Levi isn't responsible for the interruption.

To your relief it's just Hange, they're glowing in mischief, the grin on their face shows they aren't mad. They might even find this entertaining.

"Well I be damned... maybe they weren't bluffing?" Connie's been persuaded by the looks of it and Krista's busy whispering to Ymir, you hear the faint sound of the word "Romantic" escape her lips, she's equally as convinced as Connie.

Hange smacks your back light-heartedly and looks to the door for a second. "We leave ya' both for a while and you decide to give everyone a show?"

Erwin's stood by the doorway with a humorous smile playing at his lips, Levi however is anything but amused, he glares at you with murderous eyes, he looks like he's ready to end your life then and there but you know he won't dare do so and for a second you feel braver than you ever have before. Without much thought you grab onto Jean's forearm.

"Me and my husband will get going now!" You allow your gaze to loiter when you get to Reiner. He grunts an apology and you're oh so tempted to ask him to repeat himself but you'd rather not instigate anything.

With that said and done you and Jean leave after giving the performance of your lives.

Slowly but gradually the sky outside becomes dark.

The will to sleep left your body long ago. It's by pure luck that you even manage to catch three hours of rest. Training is the only available distraction and dying out in battle isn't favourable by any means, your boredom may as well be used resourcefully - Strapping yourself up in your ODM gear is the best option.

A quarter way through your warm up you can sense a presence behind you, the leaves rustle and the wind feels noticeably quieter. You'd bother to turn around to see who's intruded but Levi's snuck close enough for you to be able to smell his perfume from where you're stood.

"Feel disrespected? Embarrassed even?" You jab at him knowing it'll rile him up, you don't face him not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing your face.

"Watch your mouth." he warns sharply.

Rolling your eyes you go about your business, it stays that way for a few minutes. All the while Levi stares at you darting from tree to tree, his scrutinizing gaze scalding you repeatedly.

"Y/N!" He yells at the top of his lungs.

For some unknown reason you automatically stop and lower yourself to the ground

"I have something to tell you." Comes his tense follow up. A finger of his latches onto one of the leather straps on your back.

You can't believe he's still denying the undeniable.

"You can wait till tomorrow. I'll be going to bed."

Levi doesn't seem to care for your cold response and proceeds with no warning.

"I'm jealous." His voice shakes. The grip he has on your harness doesn't let up. With your back turned to him you're still somehow able to detect the very obvious crack of pain.

Levi, jealous?

Gritting your teeth together you feel deceived.

How much longer will you have to tolerate Levi's push and pull?

“May I ask, what he is to you, my love?”

Your breathing grows heavy, tensing up you're completely shocked by the term of endearment that falls from his lips. You haven't heard it for so long, Levi sounds eerily different.

You hate to admit it but a flicker of foolish hope lights in your chest.

"Levi why would you ask— "

"Why don't you call me Lev anymore?" He whispers sounding strangled. You can't take it anymore and hesitantly look his way.

His eyes are filled with tears "I'm sorry my love, I don't know what went wrong." you falter for a second not knowing what to think.

At that moment the flicker becomes a flame.

The man who stands right before you is meant to be dead, never to be seen again. By all accounts this should be impossible, but Lev has always been a fighter.

Bitterness stings your heart, the wounds you've collected are still fresh but despite your body's protests you don't flinch when he gently takes a hold of your wrist, bringing it closer to his mouth.

"Lev...? Is that really you...?" You ask desperately.

The warm kiss he presses against your pulse point provides you with the answer you've been longing for.

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Sandstorm Is Tigerstar's Daughter AU

So, to preface this

a lot of changes had to be made to canon

but in the end it came to a result that made me happy

and to add - this isn't super long

I don't even span the full first arc

Self edit before this is even posted; I got carried away and this is longer than I expected

this was a fun idea and [admittedly] I almost ignored it - cause I was worried I would have no ideas - until a bunch of cool ideas hit me at once and then I got excited about it

There's also changes to some relationships for very obvious reasons!

Sandkit is born alongside her brothers Swiftkit and Lynxkit [who are not Patchpelt's kits. You cannot convince me they're Patchpelt's. I have a lot of negative emotions towards the retconned family relationships in Warriors]. They are born about six moons before Rusty / Firepaw joins, meaning Swift and Lynx are older than they are in canon.

Sandkit is very proud of her heritage, as is her brothers and the three are close. Lynxkit is the most level-headed as his brother and sister can be stubborn and hot-headed.

When they're apprenticed, Tigerclaw goes out of his way to have his kits apprenticed to cats he considers his friends by convincing Bluestar and Redtail that it's a good idea. Sandpaw goes to Whitestorm, Swiftpaw goes to Longtail, and Lynxpaw goes to Darkstripe.

When Firepaw joins ThunderClan, Tigerclaw is quick to make sure his kits do not like and do not trust this kittypet and allows them to openly antagonize Firepaw. This gets so bad that apprentices den is split into two factions; the group who likes Firepaw; Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw and the group who wants him gone; Sandpaw, Swiftpaw, Dustpaw, and Lynxpaw.

However, after their first patrol together, Lynxpaw is the first to change his mind about Firepaw. He becomes more welcoming, but expresses to Firepaw in private that he doesn't want his siblings to turn against him. Firepaw and Lynxpaw bond quietly behind Sandpaw and Swiftpaw's backs.

Sandpaw sticks close to her father or her mentor most days and as Bluestar's mental health starts to slowly decline, Tigerclaw is planting the seeds of disloyalty into her head. This only gets worse when she learns that Lynxpaw and Firepaw are friends and she lashes out at her brother

Swiftpaw is still on Sandpaw's side, however, and refuses to budge, though he's unsure about being angry at their brother.

When Fireheart and Graystripe become warriors, Sandpaw is even more outraged and - with some prompting from her father - starts making plans to make Fireheart's life just a little worse every day

Sandpaw sticks with Tigerclaw and it's thank to him that Bluestar finally gives her and her brothers their warrior names while Fireheart and Graystripe are out saving WindClan; Sandstorm, Swiftfang, and Lynxclaw.

When Tigerclaw tries to clear Bluestar on the Thunderpath, Sandstorm does manage to stop Cinderpaw from going as she knows the apprentice isn't the target.

After Bluestar fails to show, however, Sandstorm and Tigerclaw start up a different plan. Sandstorm openly blames Fireheart for the fact she didn't show, despite her being sick with greencough.

They do try to drag Swiftfang into their plans, but he expresses concern. He only agrees after Sandstorm peerpressures him into it, but it's clear that he believe they're going too far.

When Bramblekit and Tawnykit are born, Sandstorm becomes like a guardian older sister who spends time with them. This has her thinking of starting a family, but she wants to wait until she finds a proper mate - she is considering Dustpelt - and when her father is finally Tigerstar

Swiftfang does eventually tattle on them before the rogues attack and turns Sandstorm and Tigerclaw in as traitors, as he finds himself unable to just sit back and let them kill Bluestar and Fireheart, especially as he believes Lynxclaw loves the former kittypet.

Sandstorm is outraged as she and her father are exiled from the Clan. She tries to get Dustpelt to join, and for a moment she thinks he will until he reveals he'll never be able to stand beside someone who willingly walked with Redtail's killer.

After joining ShadowClan, Sandstorm assists her father in working hard, though she dislikes ShadowClan's territory. She starts considering having kits, not for a family, but for strong warriors that are loyal to her and her father.

When he becomes Tigerstar, he makes Blackfoot his deputy and Sandstorm is irritated but decides that gives her time to work out her own plan.

She starts carefully deciding which cat is the strongest in ShadowClan and, after being rejected by Blackfoot, settles on Boulder to sire her kits.

While she's courting Boulder, she learns of BloodClan and tells Tigerstar. The three go and meet Scourge and her plans change as she starts talking with Bone.

She's early into expecting Bone's kits when Scourge kills Tigerstar and she lashes out at the BloodClan cats. She isn't killed and ShadowClan ends up exiling her after she refuses to renounce her father's crimes.

When Scourge and Bone are killed, Sandstorm sneaks into the ranks and quickly earns favor with BloodClan as they know who she is and she reveals that the kits she's close to having are the proper heirs of BloodClan.

Cats try to challenge her, but Sandstorm allows herself to be brutal and relentless, which soon catches the eye of a certain one-eyed molly.

Fury becomes co-leader as she teaches Sandstorm the shaky customs of BloodClan and the two become close by the time the kits are born.

There are four kits born to Sandstorm; a dark calico tabby she-cat named Omen, a pale ginger and white tom named Talon, a mostly black tom named Bane, and a dark tabby with white patches named Tiger

Sandstorm instantly favors Tiger more than any other of her kits and is determined that he'll take over BloodClan when the time comes.

As the kits grow older, Fury and Sandstorm grow closer and eventually the two becomes mates and work together to help BloodClan grow better and stronger.

Sandstorm starts spying on the Clans again and learns, angrily, that Firestar and Lynxclaw are mates now and that the two have had a litter of kits together; Squrrielkit, Leafkit, and Spottedkit [Squirrel is dark ginger, Leaf and Spotted are both tortoiseshells] [how is also up for interpretation]

Sandstorm starts making plans again to take down ThunderClan and Fury is more than happy to help.

This comes together in an idea to steal the kits and hold them hostage until Firestar comes to get them.

The first attempt doesn't go well and many BloodClan cats are wounded in trying, but that doesn't stop either leader and they try once more. This time they manage to steal two of the kits; Squirrelkit and her brother Spottedkit.

While watching the two kits, Sandstorm is overtaken by rage at her brother becoming mates with 'the enemy' and for a brief moment she actually considers killing one of the kits. She actually almost kills Squirrelkit before she is stopped by Bane [he and the others being the age of older apprentices].

Bane becomes the watcher of the kits and he bonds well with his cousins and feels pity for them. When he learns his mothers' plans, he convinces Omen to help him carry them back home before any needless death happens. Omen is hesitant at first, but agrees and the two carry the kits back to ThunderClan.

When she learns about this, Sandstorm is outraged and she considers a regular punishment until Fury insists that Bane needs to be made an example of.

Sandstorm allows Fury to publicly kill their son and Omen feels like she's the only one truly horrified at this. Talon seems openly interested in the violence and Tiger was never easy for her to understand, as they are rather withdrawn and never talked to her or their brothers as they were being trained to take over BloodClan.

Sandstorm goes on to not allow Omen to be alone and Omen has a guard with her at all times.

Eventually Omen escapes her guard and flees to the Clans, being taken in by ThunderClan, who promise to protect her.

There she meets her cousins again, plus Leafkit, and gets to know her uncles, Lynxclaw and Brambleheart. She is treated with love and welcoming for the first time in her life and she finds herself about to cry.

She chooses to join ThunderClan after a moon of thought as well, as she fears what will happen if she ever encounters her mothers again. She is given the name Lightpaw.

Eventually Sandstorm does attack again and Lightpaw tries to hide, only to be found by her brother Talon and attacked. He almost kills her only to be killed by Firestar.

This outrages Sandstorm even more.

She attacks Firestar and takes away one of his lives, but before she can do more harm, she is attacked by Lightpaw.

Lightpaw fights her mother off and Sandstorm swears that she'll have her revenge and that ThunderClan will never be forgiven

Lightpaw tries to reason with her sibling, Tiger, but they push her away and lash out, angry that she let their brother die She tries to reason more, but it's useless

She watches as they leave

.

BloodClan does return in the form of Tiger, eventually, but my brain didn't plan that far, but Sandstorm eventually does pass away and Tiger kills Fury in a silent retaliation against her as they never forgive her for killing Bane.

She and Fury do also end up with another litter; a ginger tabby she-cat named Wrath, and an albino tom named Wisp.

Lightpaw eventually earns the name Lightstep and she's the one chosen to represent ThunderClan in the Great Journey.

Spottedkit/paw ends up being killed by BloodClan in a random, aggravated attack and Squirrelflight almost dies in the same attack, but survives, unlike her brother

Squirrelflight eventually becomes mates with Shrewpaw/heart, who survives in this AU and they have a very happy and healthy relationship

Lightstep originally is crushing on Feathertail, but she passes away. Later she actually becomes mates with Daisy and the two are very happy and comfortable wives to help take care of kits who need help raising.

Swiftfang leaves ThunderClan and ends up joining WindClan to get away from all the drama involving his family. He never takes a mate or has kits and he's perfectly happy just living a nice life.

[sckyie]

song: streetcar by daniel caesar

word count: 2.6k

genre + warnings: angst to fluff; reminiscing in past heartbreak, breakdowns, timeskips, swearing, someone gets slapped

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: here's part 2 to driver's license,, i hope this was okay >~< i had to include a new song to the mix (its going into the playlist) soooo enjoy :) also my ratio for angst to fluff is TERRIBLE im sorry

Ever since you had confessed your feelings to your best friend, you had became so distant from everyone. Knowing you might've ruined one of the best friendships shook you. Lately you'd been driving around past curfew just to keep your mind off him. Passing all the street lights just felt like you were driving down memories. 

That flickering light at the corner where Oikawa had helped you after crashing your bike into a pole. Or that bright cool light by the park where you, Iwa, and Oikawa first started playing volleyball. Or that one littered with stickers where you told both the boys that they better remember you when they were famous. 

Apathy overcame your entire being. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, who knew heartbreak could have this effect on a person? It was hard going to school, avoiding Oikawa in every hall, dodging Iwaizumi on your way out, and even trying to ignore Kasumi was too much. It hurt like hell but you didn't want to know what Oikawa had to say. More so, you didn't want to hear what he was going to say, you knew what he'd tell you.

Two months until graduation.

It had been a over a month since that confession. The bright girl everyone used to know dulled out. No one knew why nor how it happened. It only stung between you and the boy you knew you could never love. Oikawa and Kasumi remained together despite the lingering thought of those words you said to him. 

"I- You- Ugh! Just go away, I don't want to see you!" The crack in your voice shook those hidden feelings within you.

"Why not!" Oikawa held onto your forearm, restricting you from running away.

"Because I fucking loved you idiot!" You screamed as hot tears rolled down your cheeks. Oikawa froze at your words, unable to process them.

"You...loved me?" He asked.

"I still fucking love you! God, I hate you- I just- Let go!" You shoved him away from you. "I'm leaving. If you try to stop me, I'm never speaking to you again."

Yet, you never spoke to him regardless. The sudden break between you two effected Iwaizumi as well. Although he had no part in the situation, he was torn who's side to take. He knew your secret but he couldn't betray both his best friends. Seeing you two spilt was like watching glass break. It's sudden, scattered, irreplaceable but if you tried to fix it, you could cut yourself or ruin the glass even more.

Oikawa took your last words as your goodbye. What was worse was that, he couldn't bring himself to find the right words to say to you. How could his best friend love him and never tell him? He never did end up telling Kasumi that he loved her. He began to question his feelings about her and well, you. 

One more month until graduation.

"Hey Y/n, are you going to the third year dance?" Hanamaki taps your shoulder as you doodle on your notes. You shook your head, knowing well enough how you'd have to see Oikawa and Kasumi together. "Come on, we're all going."

"No thanks," You smiled. A sudden ache in your chest hit you as you looked back at your notes. "I don't like dances."

"Liar," Matsukawa joins into the conversation. "What happened to you?"

"Hm?" You looked up, tilting your head at him.

"Just come along, we'll drive," He suggests. "You don't need a date. Just tag along with he boys and Kasumi."

"Again no thanks," You turned him down. "I'm not on good terms with Oikawa right now. I don't want to see him."

"Well, then let's all four go together then. Me, you, Mattsun, and Iwa," Makki says. "We lowkey miss having you around."

"Yeah, come on, we don't have to go with them," Matsukawa agreed.

"Promise we won't hang around them?" You ask solemnly. They nod at you, prompting you to let out a long sigh. "Fine. I don't have a dress, do you guys want to come with to find one?" 

Two weeks until graduation.

You stood in line with the three boys to get inside the ballroom for the dance. You carefully adjusted Matsukawa's corsage that matched your dress. Kasumi and Oikawa had came later, waiting farther back in line. He rests his hand on her waist as he examined the people in line when he spots you. This was the first time in forever since he could see you clearly. He had only caught glimpses of you through the halls, never seeing your face.

Was that the reason the guys didn't want to ride with him? For you? It hit a bit knowing they chose you over him but he knew how you haven't hung out with anyone lately. Always avoiding people, never trying to talk to anyone. 

Inside the ballroom, you and the boys sat together at your assigned table. The songs seemed redundant, leaving you four to occasionally get up to dance. It wasn't until a slow song that caught your attention. You had your head leaning against Iwaizumi's shoulder when you spotted Oikawa and Kasumi walking center stage.

"I'm gonna go outside for some fresh air," You say, standing up. You adjusted your dress before walking away to the outside patio. The muffled sound of the slow song was heard as you rested your arms on the railing. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on the sounds of the streets nearby. It was hard to drown out the feelings of Oikawa after seeing him with Kasumi. You feel the pain well up, trying your best to resist crying.

You open your eyes as you feel something being placed on your shoulders. "You'll get sick out here," Iwaizumi says, standing beside you. "You're thinking of him aren't you?"

"Can we not talk about him?" You breathed, tears slowly rolling down your face. "I just don't want to think about how bad I fucked up."

"Well," Iwaizumi looked down at the ground. "Will you dance with me?" You turned to see him holding out his hand for you. Taking his offer, Iwa holds you close as the music played. He let you cry in his arms, knowing well enough that you needed this. Having held all your pain behind driving, you couldn't show how much you were in pain. 

"Thank you Iwa," You sniffled into his chest. 

"I'm always here for you," He smiled. "You're like a little sister to me...It pains me to see you all dull and hurt...When Makki asked you to come out with us, I didn't expect you to agree but I'm glad you did." 

"Can I tell you something?" You panted for air through your tears.

Oikawa held Kasumi close, carefully swaying back and forth together. With her head resting on his chest, he was able to see through the patio window. He spots you and Iwaizumi dancing but for some reason it stung in his chest to see that. Why is he hurt? He's with Kasumi and he loves her, right?

Graduation day.

A group of cheers goes around the ceremony as your final day in high school is finally over. You greet your old classmates one more time, saving your close friends for last. For some reason, all the pain you previously carried had faded away. You approach the gate to meet with your friends for the last time before you go off your separate paths. Makki and Mattsun agreed to text you more to keep up with each other.

Iwaizumi had hugged you once last time, telling you to do your best. You smiled for the first time in a while. It was strange but Iwa was glad to see you starting to move on. You and him agreed to update each other on your mental healths and to hang out whenever you'd visit. Then it was the one you dreaded.

Saying goodbye to Oikawa, it'll be the last time you'll see him. You waited patiently for him as he was caught up by some fans and Kasumi. When he did manage to leave the underclassmen, he spotted you waiting. "Hey babe, can you go on ahead? I want to talk to Y/n," He says to his girlfriend. She nods happily, walking by you as she left. 

"Hey," He stops a few feet away from you, scared to step any closer.

"Hi," You said. "I have a few words for you." You let out a small chuckle, leading him to believe it was something good.

"Good or bad?" He laughed.

"Well," You started. "I just wanted to say goodbye for the last time...It was nice being your friend and I know how rough it turned out in the end...I'm sorry for not telling you before how I felt. I just thought I wasn't good enough for you and that you'd fall for someone else. Kasumi is a great girl and you two are amazing together...I really wish you guys the best...I know you'll do outstanding in volleyball like the king you are. You better not forget us when you're famous..Listen, I have to go before I'm late, so this is...it...Goodbye Tooru." You wiped a tear from your cheek, smiling at him. You quickly turned around, disappearing into the city. 

"Wait! Y/n!" He rushes after you, only to get lost in the crowd of third years saying their goodbyes. Oikawa felt tears well up in his eyes as he desperately looked around for you. "You didn't let me say..." He whispered to himself.

A week later, Oikawa and Iwaizumi join each other to lunch at your favorite restaurant. Iwa scrolls on his phone waiting for the food while Oikawa looked at the booth you two would always get. "Hey Iwa-chan?" He asks. "Do you know where Y/n decided to go after graduation?" Iwaizumi stopped scrolling to think back at the third year dance.

"Can I tell you something?" You panted for air through your tears.

"Anything," Iwa replied.

"I'm moving away from Miyagi immediately after graduation," You sniffled. "Remember when we were kids and we said we wanted to live in Tokyo or Kyoto?"

"Y-yeah," He was a little shaken up hearing that you'll be leaving so soon. 

"My uncle just moved to Kyoto and he offer me a room there...and I said yes," You started to trace circles on his back. "It's by that college I wanted to go to and they have good jobs there and-"

"You don't have to explain yourself. You'll do amazing out there," Iwa chuckled. "Just promise you'll visit sometime?" He knew how much you needed to be away from Miyagi. Although it pained him, he knew it was only for the best.

"No," Iwa lied. "I haven't seen her. She hasn't texted in a while.

Three months after graduation.

You got into a cab on your way to your new job at a café. You stared out the window, admiring the new city you live in. Learning to adjust and work around the city was tough. The feeling of calling Kyoto home was strange, knowing that it wasn't. 

Ever since you had said goodbye to Oikawa, things in his life changed. He believed losing you wasn't fair, not knowing where you'd gone always haunted him. He had broken up with Kasumi over the guilt held over his head. Always thinking about you when he was with her wasn't right. With you being gone, his only priority became volleyball. 

You however, had let go of those old feelings you held onto. That last goodbye satisfied you, letting you sleep at night and allowed you to love yourself more. You've grown so much from dull slump you were stuck in for weeks. Though living in a different environment made it feel like you weren't even there.

Oikawa roamed the streets slowly approaching different shops along the sidewalk. He had some free time before the practice match he had, so it wouldn't hurt to explore, right?

That's when it happened.

You closed the door to your cab, turning towards the café's direction. Your eyes lock onto a set of familiar pupils. Frozen in time, the two of you never exchanged a word yet, suddenly a rush of emotions filled you both.

Pain, anger, fear, regret, almost everything you felt in the past came back to you seeing him. Standing before you, the man you once loved. The man you might still love.

You snapped out of your thoughts, walking towards him, stopping a few feet away from him. "Y/n what-" You raised your hand, harshly impacting Oikawa's cheek. His hand flies up to his face, holding the spot you smacked.

"You seriously broke up with Kasumi for me?" You growled. "Y-you're an idiot y'know? She was good to you too! Also ignoring Iwa for volleyball? I told you not to-"

"You kept track of me?" He whispered, a slight smile creeping on his face.

"W-Well obviously! I ask Iwa about you from time to time," You muttered. You looked up to Oikawa and saw him grin down at you.

Before you could say anything else, Oikawa puts his two hands on the sides of your cheeks. He pulls your face close to his, crashing his lips against yours. You tense at the action, gripping his wrists. He doesn't pull away until you settle into the kiss.

Your hands melt away from his wrists and reach for his torso. Your lips moved together in sync, almost as if it were a familiar feeling. He pulls away from you, pressing his forehead against yours. "You never let me say my goodbye," Oikawa snickered. "You said goodbye to me then disappeared without a trace."

"Sorry," You blushed. His hands move to your waist, still holding you close to him.

"I wanted to tell you that..." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I love you too. I'm sorry I'm so late in telling you and I'm sorry for being caught up with Kasumi. I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't talk to you...I fucked up for not seeing how much you- well how much I loved you...I know this is all late and you probably don't want to hear any of this but-"

You tiptoed and kissed his nose, making him stop. "How'd you find out you loved me?" You looked at him curiously.

"I was driving down your street and all the old streets we'd walk through," He started. "It reminded me of you and then I saw that white streetcar. The one that is always parked by the laundromat? It made me realize how much you meant to me."

"Seriously? That old junk car?" You laughed.

"Hey, it reminded me of you okay, just seeing it whenever we hungout and passed it," Oikawa squeezed your hip, making you chuckle at him. "Will you ever forgive me?"

Your laughter ceases as you look up at him. "I had to learn how to drive on the highway on my own, jerk," You brought up.

"Is that a yes?" He smirked.

"...No...Maybe," You squinted your eyes at him. "You owe me ramen."

"Wait how'd you know how I've been these last few months?" Oikawa pulls away from your hold.

"Oh Iwa was the first to know I was moving, I asked him to check on you every now and then. I just wanted to make sure your pretty face doesn't do anything stupid. You did by the way, you did some stupid shit," You grinned. "Hey are you hungry? I can get you something from the café for free." You turned away from him, heading to your job.

"Hey you can't just insult me then leave, come here," He runs after you stopping you a few steps away from work. Oikawa plants a rough kiss on your lips before looking down at you. "The only stupid thing I did was not tell you I loved you sooner."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @d0llpie @elianetsantana @joy-laufeyson @kac-chowsballs

[samshogwarts]

My review of 2020

Or: I say thank you.

First of all, sorry for the long post 😅. You guys know I don'tike long posts without a "read more under the line". But I nade the post with my mobile phone.... Aaaaaaaanyway. Also sorry for all the tags. I hope I don't annoyed someone with it <~<. So let's continue:

I think this year has been a particularly difficult year for everyone. As 2020 is drawing to a close, I mentally let the year pass again.

The bottom line is that I have to say that 2020 was turbulent for me, but not necessarily bad. Much good, but also bad, has happened. And I want to start with the bad things right away.

At the beginning of the year, my depression and eating disorder relapsed. I've always had trouble talking about it because I know my friends can't handle this issue. I felt pressured because they wanted to do things with me, but I couldn't. So I withdrew completely, hiding my emotions and wearing a mask.

At that time I created this blog. At first I didn't want to create my own content, just follow the content of @ladycibia, @hogwartsmystory and @kyril-hphm. Incidentally, that is also the reason why I call these 3 blogs the Big Three. So it's their fault that I'm here. Lol.

And then the first Hyops message came at the end of March. A very good friend of mine got Corvid-19 and lost the battle against the disease a few days later. I still remember how the news pulled the floor from under my feet. It feels like I completely lost faith in everything and I started to realize how dangerous this year could be. 

But life goes on and so I visited a friend and her family in early July. It was the anniversary of her husband's death, who was also a very good friend of mine. He died of cancer last year and I couldn't go to his funeral. So I wanted to stop by on the day he died. I actually thought I could do it. But when you read a friend's name on a tombstone for the first time.. Guys, that's a punch in the stomach like no other and I can't really describe how it feels. I had made up my mind not to cry in front of his wife or children because it was hard enough for them. Didn't work.

And of course this year meant to go one better.

Another friend of mine died of the virus in mid-August, leaving behind a wife and a child. Again, I was unable to attend the funeral. And to be honest, it still bothers me way more I want to admit. In two years I lost three wonderful people who meant a lot to me and I couldn't say goodbye to any of them. When I see the three of them again after my death, you can be sure I'll kick their butts for it.

But August was the worst month for me in many ways. In addition to the death of my buddy, my father's family also volunteered. And that means only one thing - trouble.  And properly. I haven't had contact with this family for over 12 years for good reason. Now one person from this family has passed away. And first of all, I don't really care if anyone of them would die. I don't even know the person who passed away. But I wasn't told either by my grandmother or my father. So my deadline to cancel the inheritance has expired. Of course it was debts. You have to know that the inheritance rights of my country are very complicated. The reason my father or grandmother didn't tell me about it was because they didn't want to bother with the paperwork. They always had the opportunity to contact me via Facebook or my half-sister. But that would mean work for them. And while I was walking from lawyer to lawyer to court to court, I was allowed to hear sayings from my grandmother that I apparently have achieved nothing in my life. Nice to know that some people never change. I'm still struggling with this matter to this day and will probably not be able to fully clarify this until the beginning of 2021.

At the end of October everything seemed to be taking its revenge and I passed out at a friend's house. Nobody knows exactly what happened until today, but my friend took me to the hospital where I had to stay one night. That was Halloween. And I'm such a big fan of hospitals hahahaha hahahaha. After that I was allowed to wear an ECG for 2 weeks and it turned out that my heart values ​​had deteriorated. Why not. Let's just take everything with us this year!

Rounding out the negatives this year was my (as a teenager) best friend's suicide. I have to say that I haven't had any contact with this person for 9 years. However, it is the one who cut herself in her youth and then called me afterwards because she didn't know what to do. It was also the one I tried to get into therapy for 2 years. But her mother was always against it. And it was exactly this mother who was standing in my mother's shop, telling her about her daughter's suicide and that I was probably in the farewell letter. I don't know exactly what it said, but the mother now blames me for her daughter's suicide. And do you know what's craziest about the whole thing? I agreed with her! I really thought it was my fault because I knew how sick my former friend was. Yet I was the one who ended the friendship (for many reasons that had nothing to do with her depression). And I still wonder what would have happened if I had acted differently.

But enough of the negative things! A lot of nice things happened this year too. Among other things, I have found a new job within my group, earn more money and have pleasant working hours. I've renovated my apartment and I've started saving money on a new one. My two nieces are now going to school and I am a proud aunt. My male best friend and his girlfriend (my best harry potter friend) are pregnant and are expecting their first child soon and my mother's health is better.

But one of the best things that happened to me this year is this blog.

I already mentioned that I actually only created this blog to stalk the Big Three. I didn't want my own content at all. But I discovered more and more blogs and these incredibly great MCs that I thought I wanted to do whole too. And so Samantha O'Connell was born.

I received so much great support and encouragement on this platform. I don't think many people even realize how much that means to me. Especially this year.

I have also found great and lovable people here, some of whom I also call my friends. Even if we come from other countries, speak other languages ​​and may never see each other in real life, you are my friends and I am grateful to know you.

@annabelle-tanaka-official : I'll start with you of course! XD on tumblr you are just my best friend. I don't write as much with anyone as I do with you. You are such an incredibly talented person and so warm hearted! Over the year we have invented so many insiders that soon nobody will know what we mean.  Be it the monster hug, or that my cats are your spies or our many RP scenarios, which I really enjoy and which always make me laugh. I thank you for that!! I love you so much and I am so glad that we are friends! *minster hug*

@lunasilvermorny / @lunasilvermore : you are next to you !!! XD the next person I write to almost every day. What started with a little conversation about among us has turned into a friendship. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to streaming with you next year (and this year)!!! You are such a good listener that strengthens me. Your support is so nice of you too! Just the fact that you have subscribed to my YouTube channel xD (because of the language I even have an idea). I'm looking forward to the next year with you! Thank you so much for dealing with my craziness and still likes me! 

@kyril-hphm : muahahahaha. You can't escape me !!! Yes, what should I say? One of my big three even made friends with me. One of my Senpais noticed me! And then it's a lovely fluffy marshmallow! I still think it's funny  that we have such similar circuits and hearts! Nevertheless you are an incredibly honest, loving and talented person. I've never told you before, but sometimes I stare (for 20 minutes +) at your drawings to improve my style (just not working so far). You are an honest person and I am happy every time we talk, or when you react to my content. I would like to say thank you for that too! You are great and you can trust yourself more.

@carewyncromwell : my Chinese fireball, my Disney princess. Yes, for me you exude the aura of a Disney princess and nothing can change my mind. So! You were one of the first friends I made here on tumblr and one of the first to write with me! I still remember how proud and nervous I was back then! Just when I was in the hospital on Halloween and couldn't sleep that night, you kept texting me and distracting me from my fear. That means a lot to me. You are such a creative and lovable person too. Ah, that's just amazing. Your comments or hashtags always make me grin or laugh. Thank you for all your support and help!

@catohphm : my fluffier Ravenclaw brother!!! Of course you can't be missing either. I also write with you almost every day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and your support. I just love the energy between Samantha and Cato. And it's always fun to write RP with you!  Thank you for being such a lovely and kind person!

@mira-shard : MIRAAAAAAA! It's kind of funny how long we've basically walked next to each other without talking to each other. And now I don't want to miss you anymore! You are such a fun and happy person. Writing with you is just fun! I also love your cosplay photos. Someday I'll come to visit you, and then we'll do cosplay shootings together until the camera bleeds! I would also like to thank you for your support and your kindness. 

@sirfluffig : ha. I hope you didn't think you were escaping me! Where should I start with you? Maybe that you were one of the first to give me such lovely feedback on Samantha? Or this super funny stream and that you helped me to stream in English? Or just like that, when we talk about our MCs or pen and paper. It's definitely always fun. I want to thank you for that and I'm looking forward to playing together again soon (get Among us)

@nightrhea-hphm : * run into you in slowmotion * Night! My wonderful supportive Gremlin! I've grown very fond of them over the years. And your support and feedback are just amazing. I also love the friendship between Night and Samantha. I think it's very similar to ours, right? You are also such an incredibly creative and lovable person. You make you feel like it's ok to be who you are. Thank you!

Of course there are many, many more like @rosievixen, @wangxianforever000 , @mollydarling-hphm , @morningstarinwinter , @hogwarts9, @hphm-brooke , @raymondhope-writer , @nikyiscreepy , @immagrosscandy , @mizutoyama , @ariparri-hphm and many many more.

I want to thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. You are the reasons why I am adding more and more details to this blog, why I dared to start with the fan comic and many more. 

It's still so amazing for me to meet so many talented, creative, kind and funny people. 

This year showed me again that life isn't just black or white. Life is Grey. Good things and bad things happen. Sometimes one side more than the other side. But as long we are taking the next step, life wl continues. Just keep in mind, as like you support me, I want to support you. So if you ever wanna talk, no matter what, remember you guys can always contact me. 

I'm really looking forward to next year and already have so many plans. I can not wait any longer. Enjoy the last days of the year, stay safe and most important: they the way you are guys! 

Love you all so much. 

[blues-fandom-bullshit]

Centri (Black) (Ss-en-tree) Introduction

Creature- Harpy

Element- Fire + Space.

Fire elements are passionate, insightful, aggressive, intuitive, have great reasoning at times. However, Centri lakes the lovingness and expressiveness that others may have.

Space elements strive for cleanliness, expansive mindsets, light weights on mentality and spirituality, and honesty.

However, he, unlike some other spaces, doesn't mind if ones body has more weight than magazine models. If its obesity, he'll try to get you to work out and exercise. He doesn't want to risk your health. If it's just pure genetics or thiccness, he'll praise and squish the flesh lovingly, with an expressionless look he'll rest his head on your thighs. He's got a sickcess for the thiccness.

Traits-

Harpies are.. Douchebags. The first time they were created was to torture and torment someone.

They steal food because they don't have any from their original inhabitants, take things from others to destroy them. Overall, they're dicks.

Centri, however, is less of a sick and more spiteful. Give him a reason to be spiteful or harsh, and he'll do it. (E.g. Becoming/Leading royal guard for the surface; Enter his hunting grounds; etc.)

Harpies strive not to kill, but to torture, humans, regardless of age, race, sexuality, or religion, neither gender or sex.

_______________________________

At 5'7, 170.2, Centri is the shortest of everyone.

Despite this, he still holds himself with confidence and growing rage... And emotionless.

His jaw his slightly more apparent with a darker tinge to his mouth.

Instead of his arms being wings, he has them on his back, which he's grateful for because constantly staining his arms woukd make him sore.

Speaking of wings, he also has a bird tail. He's a cross between a red tailed hawk and a red shouldered hawk.

His wings are a bit small in size, but they make up for that in length and the fluffiness be sometimes has in his feathers.

He also has talon feet, which he sharpens whenever he can.

He wears only his maroon colored scarf.

Powers-

Strength- Harpies have unbelievable strength.

Invulnerability- Harpies are less invulnerable, but more they healrelaly fast.

Hypnotic Touch- If a harpy touches you, they can control your mind, turning you into a slave until they see fit. Will wear off if the harpy leaves the victim for an amount of time.

Sleep induction- None supernatural creatures are immune to the pheromones harpies emmit, but with a wave of a hand, the victim can fall into unconsciousness.

Flight- They can't fly at supersonic speeds, nor extremely high altitudes, but can train themselves to their based birds top abilites.

Screaming- They're vocal cords are constantly able to be strained to screech at near deafening volumes. However, Centri doesn't like to use this because his voice is already raspy and the screeching makes talking painful.

Teleportation- Some Harpies are capable of teleportation, but Centri can't, or doesn't think he can. Only those who have trained in it by an elder of the more alpha species can use it freely, but others can use it if they're distraught or their emotions are strong enough.

Fire manipulation- Again, some harpies can use this, but Centri cannot. He knows he cannot.

Talons- Very sharp

Weaknesses-

Heart, physical- Direct constant damage is lethal.

Heart, mental- Giving him affection, or showing love for him in any way flusters and embarrasses him.

Fire- They're susceptible to fire, despite some being able to control it.

Personality-

Centri is a rather angry peeson, but holds that fire a cold one. Like ice shards. Instead of exploding like a pair of certain reptillian set of brothers, his rage is calm and more subtle. Instead of yelling and punching, he uses glares and ignoring others to express his irritation.

Other than that, he is an awkward and protective monster with strong morals and ties to his family, Relib.

His doesn't get jealous easily, but he is possessive at times, especially with prey or food, or mates. Due to a lack of others he takes romantic interest in, there isn't a mate to share a nest with nor hunt with.

But, about food. Try to take it without his permission, and expext to be hunted down and dangled off his cliff. He doesn't play around with something so sparse.

However, if he catches you eating? He'll probably stare until you take notice in him, which males him flush with a shocked express of a cat that realized boxes don't hide them before running to cover and safety to observe further.

There isn't much that could get to this feathered man, expect threatening someone he cares about, or trying to challenge his strength constantly.

Centri is also a very protective person, having grown up with his brother, Relib, getting bullied, so being an aggressive ball of feathers of a younger brother, he is, he tried to protect him, and this followed into his adulthood.

Other than his protective and awkward nature, Centri is a rather reserved monster. He prefers being by himself, or being with the very few -one- monsters he likes.

Backstory-

He hates humans. Despises them. They steal his hunting grounds, food, family.. But also do the most sinful of things when in the territory the ten 'forest spirits' share. Not only that, but when he’s caught off guard, he needs a little while to process, which led to quite a few feathers being plucked from his wings.

Personality-> Backstory after the release

[kirishwima]

seeing as you are still up for requests... could I get the boys reactions to finding out MC retricts food & shows signs of an eating disorder (undiagnosed but this kind of behavior has been going on for several years). It's perfectly fine if you don't want to write it, if you're uncomfortable with that topic! I don't want to pressure you into anything and I'm glad for the content you've written so far either way

hey! i don’t mind, i’ve dealt with ednos for years and it’s not something that ever fully goes away, but i feel that talking about it and being open is something that really helps.this is triggering content however, so please be warned, and don’t read it if hearing about eating disorders and behaviors triggers you! 

YOOSUNG:

* This boy loves to cook. Loves it! He’s always been looking forward to cooking for his future partner, isnisting he’ll always add a dash of love in every meal.

* So when he sees how little MC eats of his home-cooked meals he feels...disappointed, to say the least. Is it because they don’t like his cooking? They find it too salty? Too spicy?

* He’s too embarassed to ask at first, but after trying out different recipes and still seeing the same response from MC, he asks them about it.

* They just insist they don’t eat much in general, but that they tend to have a lot of snacks throughout the day and that that’s the reason why. Yoosung doesn’t really question it, since it’s true that he’s not with MC 24/7-it’s completely logical that they could be eating whilst he’s not home and being too full by the time he comes back to eat a full meal with him.

* Yet...something doesn’t add up. Even though MC insists they’re constantly snacking, there’s never anything missing from the cupboards, and at night they always insist they can’t eat any more-yet after looking closely at their patterns for a whole day, he swears he barely saw them eat much of anything!

* Eventually he gets worried and sits MC down to properly talk to them about it. He says how much it scares him to see them like this, and how he can see the impact this dietary lifestyle has on their health-how they seem tired and dizzy far too often, and how much it can impact their mental health too.

* He doesn’t expect MC to breakdown when he talks about it all-but seeing them explain through tears to him that they realise this behavior is wrong, but it’s something they’ve been doing for years and have no control over breaks him. He had no idea MC was struggling so much, even thoug they’ve been living under the same roof...

* He hugs them tight, kissing the top of their head as he promises he’ll help them work on it. He has no clue how, and has to ask for a lot of help from the RFA to find a good therapist for MC, but from then on he’s always sitting with them through meals, helping them slowly increase their portion size and distracting them when they get too anxious over what they’re eating. He’ll help them fight through this, together.

ZEN:

* He’s honestly always home late, and whenever he asks if MC already had dinner, the answer’s always yes.

* Yet, when he goes to the fridge to grab some leftover food to eat too, he notices there’s always far too much for MC to have also eaten-not unless they made a triple portion, which he doubts.

* When he asks them about it, MC insists they just made too much food. Soon after though, he notices that the portions do indeed decrease, and that it seems like they did eat-pies would be cut and a piece would be missing, or cutlery would be left in the dishwasher to be cleaned the next morning.

* Yet something nagged at Zen. Call it a premonition if you will, but he simply knew something was bothering his beloved, and he felt that their troubles and the food in the fridge had something to do with one another.

* He’d notice their nervous habit of gripping their collarbone between their thumb and index finger, how they’d stare at the mirror often and trail their hands down their sides with a frown-he tried to sneak up on them each time, wrap his arms around their waist and give them a kiss on the crook of their neck, reminding them how beautiful they look, but he’d be always met with a roll of the eyes or a huff, MC genlty pushing him off of them as they swtiched back to their normal self.

* The last straw came when one morning he asked MC if they wanted to jog with him-they said yes, and yet as soon as they neared the park and prepared to run, he turnt to say something to MC only to find them falling to the floor, squatting down with their head resting on their knees as they took deep labored breaths.

* Zen immediatly picked them up, taking them to a bench to sit on so he could take a proper look at them, notice the paleness of their skin and the sheen of sweat on their forehead from the hot summer air. He gave them some water yet they still shook, their colour turning an almost sickly green. 

* He was about to call the hospital when MC stopped him with a shaky hand, telling him that it’s their sugar levels acting up. With a confused frown, Zen dashed to the convinience store across the street, getting a dozen bars of chocolate and a sugary drink and running back to MC, opening the drink for them and forcing them to drink a few gulps of it.

* When they settled down and seemed better, Zen was furious. But more than that he was worried. What happened? This isn’t normal, did they not eat anything?!

* MC gulped down their anxiety and came clean to Zen-told him about their eating habits, how they kept torturing themselves with a constant need of control, how they’d skip meals and over-work themselves with exercise. 

* Zen’s heart broke. His MC was going through this all? And he never noticed? 

* He swore to help them get through it. He tried to be there for every meal, calling them if not, and tried to show them how fun a correct healthy lifestyle can be. He’d reming them of how much he loved them the way they are everyday, and will never stop telling them so until they start to believe it themselves.

JUMIN:

* He of course learns about it as soon as the chef informs him that MC is either refusing meals or asking him to not cook them at all.

* He’ll waste no time in talking to MC about it, reminding them how important a healthy lifestyle is, and how he can take them to meet his nutritionist for a custom-made meal plan tailored to them and their needs.

* To say he was not expecting MC to break down at that is...an understatement lol. He’s immediatly by their side, holding them close to his chest as they cry and explain how it’s not a matter of meal plans or lifestyle-it’s something out of their control, how getting food in them terrifies them, how they know it’s not right or healthy but there’s this sick sense of power from controlling their hunger in this way.

* Jumin isn’t able to process all of that right away-instead he’ll sit MC down on the couch, his hands wrapped around them as he asks why they’d need to have this control they insist they need over their body. 

* “My love, you’re wonderful the way you are, and I fell in love with your mind, bosy and soul. It hurts to even think that you don’t see the beauty that’s in you. However, this is more than just a worry over your appearance, not when you mention how you need to feel this ‘control’ as you say. This sounds far deeper...I think it’d be best to seek out professional help about it. What do you say?”

* He’ll find the best therapist with a specialty on eating disorders for MC to have sessions with, and he himself will sit down with a nutritionist and learn all there is to know about how to help MC recover-how eating frequent small portions helps, how they can start slowly introducing foods they’ve been labelling as ‘bad’ into their diet for variety, and so on. He’d then transfer this ifnormation to their chef, and make sure MC receives each and every one of those meals.

* He’d make absoloutely sure to be with them for at least three meals a day. He’d refuse to leave for work until they have breakfast together, would visit MC at their workplace or ask them to join him at the office for lunch, and have dinner with them back at home, messaging them frequently to remind them to have snacks inbetween meals.

* He’ll never stop reminding them of how much he loves them, and about the amazing things their body can do, quoting facts he heard from doctors and the internet. Hel’ll make damn sure MC knows just how amazing they are, no matter what. 

SEVEN:

* This boy...he has such a shitty lifestyle lmao

* He’ll forget to eat so often, and his diet pretty much consists of junk food and soda, yet thanks to the work out he gets from missions, this dude always looks fit, and MC...they love him, but it hurts to always be comparing themselves and the amount of food they eat to their boyfriend.

* It’s a secret competition-they try and find out Seven’s eating patterns, how much he’s eaten in a day and what, and force themselves to eat less than that, no matter what

* Well, no matter how busy Seven may be, he’s always looking out for his dear MC, so it doesn’t take too long for him to realise just what they’re up to

* He’s heartbroken, and initirally thinks he might be the cause of it-has he made MC this way? Have his habits made MC think they should follow suit?

* He’ll sit them down and talk with them, ask what’s up, why they’re doing this to themselves-he might come off as agressive at first, but that’s simply how he shows his extreme concern.

* When MC explans their situation, and what they’ve been doing, Seven is conflicted. He hates that they feel this way about themselves, and hates himself even more for giving MC a bad example to follow. He’s also unsure of what exactly he can do to help.

* He cusps MC’s face between his hands and vows to help them get better, and promises he’ll also fix his bad eating habits, so that they can get better together

* Once Seven makes a promise, he means it

* He’ll immediatly throw out all of the Honey Buddha Chips in the house, much to Yoosung’s dismay, and hold MC’s hand tight in his as they go grocery shopping for healthy meals and snacks to replace HBD. He’ll look online for therapists MC can visit and discuss pros and cons with them, and he’ll even contact nutritionists to help him out.

* He’ll never miss meal times ever again. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, no matter how busy he is, he’ll be there with MC so they can eat together, and he’ll wait as long as it takes for them to finish their meal too.

* He’ll never let them hurt themself ever again.

V/JIHYUN:

* He loves MC very very much, but he’s also...a little daft when it comes to such matters.

* He genially doesn’t realise what MC has been doing, since with work and all he’s often abroad for a few days at a time, and MC always says they’ve eaten when he asks

* He does notice some weird habits MC has-how they constantly seem to be poking at themself, as if feeling for something beneath their skin, how they flinch when he tries to hug them, how they drink a lot of water and tea and coffee and never seem to want any snacks with their evening tea or anything of the sort.

* V only puts two and two together when, whilst cleaning the kitchen cupboards, he finds a box full of bottles with diet pills and metabolism boosters, most of which were half-empty.

* He’s shocked and confused-how long had MC been taking this? Was this the reason he rarely saw them eat? Has he done something to accidentantly encourage this behavior?

* He loves them so much and finds them beautiful as they are, do they not see themself the same way?

* Before talking with MC about it, he contacts his own therapist first, telling him about his findings and how worried he is for his S/O. His therapist gives him some important information on eating diisorders that V wouldn’t have thought of otherwise-how it’s never just about weight and appearance, how it might not even be simply restricting, how just telling MC to eat healthier might not help at all.

* With new information at hand, V takes MC out to a park where they can sit together in the quiet summer afternoon and watch the sun set. There he takes a hold of their hand and tells them how much he loves them, and how he never wants to see them suffer, and that he’s noticed behaviors that worry him and make him think it’d be best for MC to seek professional help.

* He’ll be gentle and discreet, and allow MC to slowly tell him all there is to say about their eating disorder and habits, he’ll let them cry on his shoulder and even cry with them, unable to see them in pain, and vow to help in any way he can.

* He introduces them to his own therapist, who in turn refers MC to an eating disorders specialist, and V is there for them after every session, holding them tight and giving them all the encouragement he can.

* He’ll never miss meal times, and when he’s abroad he’ll videocall MC to make sure they’ve eaten at least something, and he’ll send them encouraging messages throughout the day

* He just wants them to be their best, healthiest self, and he’ll be there for them through it all

hi, your local med student and fellow mentally ill aunty here, to remind you that if you’re suffering from a menal illness and/or eating disorder, please don’t be afraid to seek professional help! no matter what your brain tells you, you’re always worthy of help and you should never be afraid of asking for it-you deserve a good quality of life, always! 

-send me a mystic messenger headcanon/scenario for the characters to react to!-

[bewareofchris]

Hello! Thank you for answering the previous message! I just want to ask, what should I do with people who criticised me without giving me a chance to explain or even let my story grow to its full potential? They seem to like dragging me down with hate and spiteful comments anonymously. I usually just ignore them but some struck hard like accusing me of having fetish on abusive relationship and/or encouraging self-harm. It's very tiring but I don't plan to leave my story just like that.

+ Criticism is hard; especially if any part of it strikes us in our doubts.  But real, viable criticism often is intended to educate/help fix whatever the source of the criticism is.  Which means if this anonymous person is saying “well this was THIS because of THIS,” it doesn’t hurt to take a look at whatever THIS was and see if it does need adjusting/fixing.

+ “trolling” on the other hand is a bunch of faceless anonymous folks on the internet shouting hateful things at people because they think anonymity gives them a pass on basic human decency.  I’m not sure what setting you are publishing on but most platforms allow you to block anonymous messages.  This is a 100% reasonable and useful option if your own mental health/happiness is being damaged by faceless hate.  Don’t be afraid to use this option, even if its only temporary.

+ I have limited actual experience with faceless hate but I have had a number of very, very passionate (negative) responses to various stories I’ve had.  My own personal tendency is to leave them as is.  I don’t respond to them, I don’t defend my story and I don’t try to make things “right” or “better” for the person that left me the review.  In fact, I literally never defend my story.  Its important to keep in mind that your story is yours and if you write it as best you can, with the message (or question) that you want, there’s almost never going to be a need to defend it.  I’ve been writing (on the internet) for over a decade and I have gone through phases where it felt crucial to defend myself/my story from people who disagreed with me.  It felt like my very belief system/self worth hinged on me being able to get the anons to understand and agree with me.  

+  ok, but its not.  This circles back to, have faith in yourself and in your story.  And as hard as it is (and it was very difficult for me, at first) accept that everyone will have their own opinion and that people will feel compelled to share that opinion with you.  Their opinion is not the true value of your story or of your ability to tell stories.  It’s literally only their opinion.  

+ in fact, story time:

So back when I was a small child (I was like 19, I think), I wrote this story with a name I forget.  It was a DBZ story wherein Vegeta (PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS) had been kidnapped (sort of) and forced to work in a brothel (sort of) and Goku (SAVIOR) was (sort of) sent to rescue him.  The plot was kind of convoluted because it was written during my I AM GOD OF ALL THINGS phase, but there is a part fairly early on in the story where you are TOLD by Vegeta himself/the narration that he voluntarily let (Bad Guy, idk which one it was) put this like mind control button thing on/in him.  Now this did not set well with a variety of people but this one person was like: I absolutely cannot believe you’d do this and I will never read your writing again.  In a mad dash of desperation I literally explained the entire plot of the story to this person in an effort to convince them that just because it APPEARED that Vegeta voluntarily let himself be turned into a mindless sex slave, there actually never was a choice.  I mean, I wrote impassioned essays to this person defending my every single choice.  Because I thought I had to.  They did come back and read the story and we were pals for a bit after that.  But the thing was, I knew my story would disprove Vegeta’s claim, and that it would explain itself.  At 19, I didn’t have the faith in myself or my story to let it speak for itself.  This desperation that I unleashed on this person was all my self-doubt as a writer that I couldn’t make the point without explaining it first.  

+ story time #2

fast forward to 2014 (I think) and you’ll find a story on AO3 called Safety and Peace that seems to attract people who hate it like a moth to flame I’ve got:

“I hate your Malik. Murderers and rapists are inhuman and have a special place in hell, and people who lie, even by omission, about being raped are scum who do not deserve good things.”

“I hate this story. UI hate it because I now how he feels. I wake up just about every morning, crying, because I am a girl, and I hate My body so much, and, what people expect you to do with it. But, I hate HIM. Your character. Because, if I was him, I would not have been a COWARD. I would have KILLED Myself, before ANYONE could FORCE Me, or put a PARASITE in Me. (And if I could not, I would kill the UNWANTED child. Everyone of his IDEALS he let fall, to being called MOTHER at the end. Just what makes him a COWARD, again.) I'd rather die. There are worse whtings then death. And I'd face it if not gladly, bravely. This story made Me SICK. At ALTAIR, at his WIFE, at Malik, at EEVRYONE. Maybe that is a sign of your powerful writings, I don't know, all I know is that this is the final nail in the coffin of Me EVER reading another omega fic. Because, I can't feel this sick ever again, and, even though there are SOME rare good ones, where O's FIGHT, and do not let people FUCK AND BREED them like CATTLE, but, they are too few, and, I keep finding fics like THIS, that make Me to sad, and push Me ever closer to making that decision about a sex change, because of the fucking NIGHTMARES I have. Omegas, (WOMYN.) are not just broodmares, uterus's, the sum of there parts, (SOME of us, HATE kids, and want our body for our OWN, and do not, will not WILLINGLY, WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS. FUCK YOU WORLD.) but, there fics remind Me how it used to be for this gender, and, STILL IS, in too many places. I can't stand it, and , these fics just make it worse. So, no more for Me. Good writing, but, the CONTENT....... Sigh. Bye.”

and:

“oh god it was awful and not in the good wayit was simply horrible... I expected good things out of it but I am disappointed”

Just comments, sitting on my story.  Reminding me that these people basically hated everything about it.  In my head, I’ve probably provided counter-arguments to these statements but I wouldn’t put the effort into typing them.  Because it’s not about me or my story, it’s about their perception and their experiences and how my story spoke them.  I can’t control that.  (This is the wisdom I’ve gotten after a decade of trying.)

+ in summation: take a minute to reflect on any genuine constructive criticism, remember you do not owe anonymous people on the internet any explanation, have faith in your story to explain your meaning, and do not be afraid to turn off anonymous comments for your own well-being.

(and I’m sorry if I got side tracked, or if I rambled.  I do that.)

[boofrp]

1 (more coming) I'm a little confused about your situation. I understand that you don't feel comfortable disclosing all the details with people online, although I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you're asking for donations. I realize mental health plays a big part in the reason why you're unwilling to get a job, but... If I were in your shoes, and I was stuck in a toxic environment, I would be doing whatever I could to ensure I was out of that situation.

[CONTINUED] Sure, offering resources for small fees can be helpful, but there are people out there giving them away for free - so how far can that really get you? Eventually, you’re either going to have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and do what’s best for you, so you can escape the toxicity, or you’re going to be stuck there forever. Personally, I think it’s time to grow up and realize you’re not going to make a living off of selling resources. I just think it’s very unfair to those of us who are working for our own money, and I believe you’re completely capable of going out and seeking employment. Yes, you have issues - but so does everyone else. There are people who are way worse off than you are, I’m sure. I’m not trying to be rude, but I’ll admit I’m a tad bit suspicious. A piece of me believes you’re just trying to get whatever you can out of the community, as if they owe you something. You’ve been known to lie before, therefore I just can’t trust your story and accusations. Sorry.

   i actually wrote a long ass reply to this but because my computer crashed right before i was about to post it, i lost everything and need to start again lmao. ANYWAY. i never once thought that in a community that is branded to be a “safe haven” and an “escape from life” that i would be thrown some bullshit like this at my feet, making me feel anything but safe or comfortable. honestly there are few messages i have received during my time on this account that made my stomach drop to my feet. this includes messages coming straight out and telling me to kill myself - that i can handle.

 but something like this, honestly made my stomach drop and i hope you’re happy because when i first read this last night i began gagging/feel nauseous and then had a full blown anxiety attack and breakdown. now i’ve had some sleep and i’m not reacting as badly as i did at first to this message but i’m still shaking and feeling incredibly sick because: fuck you. now i really hate explaining myself and trying to “prove” myself to people that really do not deserve the time of day from me, but i guess i should have expected this because there are some really fucking toxic people in this community. lets get to the fun part, my actual replies to the points made in these horrible messages !!

POINT A: “if i were in your shoes i would be doing anything to get out of your ~toxic~ situation” --- first of all, be fucking thankful you are not in my situation because it SUCKS. it really sucks and experiencing this level of pain on a daily basis whilst trying to remain positive is really fucking hard. and guess what? YOU’RE NOT IN MY SITUATION. therefore you have no right to sit back and play commentator on everything i have said and done. let’s get that straight. now i have fucking tried to get out of here. let me make you a nice fucking list because you probably won’t settle until you have all the information from me.

>>> i have applied for ten jobs in the space of two days, all of which i was qualified for or they offered training for if i wasn’t. all of the answers were the same: we have filled the spot or you’re not what we’re looking for. and i have to admit my resume is pretty fucking lit because of all the things i achieved before my mental health destroyed my life. >>> i have babysat for a woman who years ago traumatized the FUCK out of me one day and i don’t want to go into specifics but it was really hard to put aside the fact that she made me run home in tears to my mum when i was 12 for a stupid reason. >>> i have considered asking my sister if i could move in with her. get this, any other time i wouldn’t even think of it because: a) she lives in a small three bedroom house - by small i mean really fucking small. b) she has a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter as well as herself and her boyfriend so you can imagine how much space they have already taken up. OH and she’s having another baby so they would be struggling to even fine space for them. c) i know that if i live with her i will only be able to have a suitcase of my possessions and would have to sleep on the floor, yet i still consider it and am close to asking. d) i have practically lived with her for a month and had a complete breakdown at the end because i was treated like a babysitting machine instead of a human and being an introvert, when spending so much time with people i need time for myself to regenerate but because the house was so small and the children wouldn’t leave me alone - i broke down. >>> i have done things to get $5 that i do not want to talk about because i know that if i even told my family i would immediately be disowned and i am not proud at all about what i’ve done to EAT FOOD. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. >>> and lastly, i’m asking complete strangers for money - something that i have struggled with all my life is asking people for money, even asking my mother for $5 for school when i was younger invoked anxiety. but here i am.

POINT B: “sure you can offer resources for money but how far is that going to get you? people already make them for free” --- do you REALLY think i came into this thinking that selling resources was going to pay my rent? do you REALLY think i’m dumb enough to believe that i could actually live out on my own with just commissions from people online in exchange for pixels that will be meaningless in a few years? HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM? you know what, $5 every now and again isn’t going to pay for my funeral insurance or my wedding in a few years, but $5 NOW is going to buy me a pretty decent fucking meal for once, it’s going to buy me a part of a ticket out of this small town. in the long run, $5 a week is going to add up and its going to HELP. also, there must be a reason more people are taking commissions each day - because there are actually people in this world who are fucking KIND and i like to believe in those people. paying commissions isn’t even buying my resources to me, because i know these people can get it anytime they want for free. no, it’s like a pat on the back or like paying someone a tip. IT’S JUST BEING FUCKING THANKFUL. if i had money i would be tipping my friends all the time. but i don’t.

POINT C: “it’s unfair for those of us who are working for our money” --- i’m,,, sorry. IS MY MENTAL ILLNESS A FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY HALF OF Y O U R LIFE, MAKING IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN FUNCTION PROPERLY IN THE WORLD? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING FAMILY? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R FRIENDSHIPS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS TURN Y O U R CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENTS INTO APPOINTMENTS WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST, ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND FINDING WAYS TO MAKE YOUR SCHOOL LIFE MORE COMFORTABLE SINCE YOU WERE LITERALLY TWO STEPS AWAY FROM KILLING YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MORE TIMES YOU CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U ATTEMPT SUICIDE TWICE BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN SIXTEEN? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS EFFECT Y O U IN YOUR WORKPLACE TO THE POINT WHERE YOU WERE CLOSE TO GRABBING THE NEAREST PLASTIC BAG AT YOUR REGISTER AND PULLING IT OVER YOUR HEAD AND SUFFOCATING YOURSELF? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE Y O U BULIMIC AND ANOREXIC? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKE IT HARD FOR Y O U TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR WITHOUT WANTING TO FUCKING DIE? DID MY MENTAL ILLNESS DESTROY Y O U R BODY IMAGE? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.

POINT D: “you’re capable for going out and looking for employment” --- please refer to my next answer to another anon who is a fucking dick too.

POINT E: “you’re just trying to get shit out of the community cause you think it owes you something” --- again... FUCK YOU. what the fuck have i done to make you believe i’m that shitty of a person? and if i was trying to scam this community out of money or whatever the fuck you think i’m doing, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THREE FUCKING YEARS IN THE MAKING, BEFORE I EVEN KNEW I COULD MAKE A FEW CENTS USING ADF.LY LINKS. i have lied about things in the past, but things that i a) owned up to and b) were NEVER about my mental health or my living situation. i’mm fucking SURE that if you go through my blog you will find me talking about how fucked i am in life. this isn’t some story that i shit out yesterday for money, for fucks sake. if it seems like i suddenly have all these problems - i’m fucking great at pretending i don’t want to be alive and that i hate myself.

POINT F: “i’m not trying to be rude” --- YES YOU FUCKING ARE. IF YOU WERE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SELF AWARE OF IT AND PUT YOURSELF ON ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IF YOU KNEW THAT THIS WASN’T RUDE, YOU WOULD HAVE COME OFF OFF OF ANONYMOUS, FOR FUCKS SAKE. but of course this isn’t fucking rude it’s just picking away at my life and trying to make it sound like i’m a fucking asshole because i am literally suffering in my own home :~)

     you know what? there is no way i can possibly come to a nice conclusion about this message in a sentence or to. so here is all i’m going to say: a) i’M NOT COMING TO YOUR DOORSTEP AND ASKING YOU SPECIFICALLY TO HAND ME OVER $2 SO I CAN BUY DRUGS OR WHATEVER THE FCUCK YOU’RE THINKING and b) YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING DESERVE AN EXPLANATION FROM ME BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. i don’t know what the fuck you want from me. my family is in $7k debt from my mum’s boyfriend’s mum’s funeral a month ago. do you want the fucking death certificate? do you want to see the flowers we got from her funeral insurance? DO YOU WANT A WHOLE FUCKING LIVESTREAM OF HER DEAD BODY BEING LOWERED INTO THE FUCKING GROUND? OH FUCKING HELL, DO YOU WANT TEXTS THAT GO BACK YEARS BETWEEN ME AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF ME CONSTANTLY TELLING THEM I WISH I WAS FUCKING DEAD? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD WHAT I EAT IN A WEEK? DO YOU WANT ME TO RECORD MY MOTHER TELLING ME I’M BEING FAT AND TO STOP EATING? DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG MYSELF IN PUBLIC JUST SO YOU CAN FUCKING SEE HOW SERIOUS THIS IT? i don’t know what the fuck you want from me and what your great plan was when sending these messages, but i hope you’re fucking happy.