#you wanna pet that's just stinky?? just a stink pet??

[synthaphone]

one of my favorite colors and one of my least favorite colors!! i’m happy with how they both turned out though- i’m finding that a lot of colors I don’t like are still kind of interesting to try to recreate. 

i was referencing the swamp gas techo very heavily, since I think its one of the better swamp gas pets (i think it might also be the first swamp gas pet, which might explain some of that)

i wanted to give the disco centibyte shutter shades, but those didn’t get big until the 80s, so i ended up just leaving it- it’s already pretty busy as-is, with all those patterns going on. also i just realized i accidentally used my fursona’s color scheme, even though i was literally eyedropping colors i liked from site disco pets, whoOPS

[es-kay-zee]

Double or Nothing | Lee Minho & Han Jisung x Reader

pairing: jisung x reader x minho

genre: smut

warnings: non-idol au, dom! minho, sub! jisung, sub! afab reader, established polyamorous relationship, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), cum eating, humiliation, hair pulling, degradation, praise, pet names, sir kink, choking, swearing, edging, overstimulation

requested: nope

word count: 5.2k

proofread: yes :)

taglist: @bxngchxn @jisungsplatforms @hyunsluvv @qtieskz @etherealeeknow @arohabangtan @channelhan @minholuvs

(can't tag): @doyoungsjohnny

____________________

as soon as you read the message that your package was out for delivery, you were excited, practically waiting at the front door for it to arrive. you’d bought it four months ago, and when it was taking so long to show up, you’d started to think you’d wasted your money on something you weren’t going to get. but here it is, finallyarriving. you watch the postman place it on your doorstep, waiting for him to drive away so you can swing the door open and grab it.

as soon as you have the package in your hands, you rush down the hallway, almost running to the bedroom in excitement. you place the package on the side of the bed, shaking jisung’s sleeping form in an attempt to wake him from his sleep. it doesn’t work, you’re slumbering boyfriend continuing to snore away, barely even stirring.

“wake up!” you shout, grabbing one of the pillows and smacking him with it. he begins to move slightly, and you can tell it’s working. you hit him again with the pillow, over and over until he eventually sits up.

under normal circumstances, you’d take a moment to laugh at jisung’s bedhead, but right now, there’s too much excitement running through your veins to even notice the way his hair sticks up at odd angles. instead, you pick up the package again, holding it up and smiling widely at jisung, waiting for him to notice it. but alas, he doesn’t notice, moving to lay back down and go back to sleep.

“hey, don’t you wanna know what i’ve got?” you ask, waving the package slightly.

“what have you got? just tell me,” he mumbles, eyes already closed once again.

“the outfits arrived,” you answer, and that finally wakes him up properly.

he sits up again, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before looking at the box in your hands. he grabs it from you, impatiently prying it open and carefully pulling out the contents.

“i forgot we actually ordered these,” he says, holding one of the matching maid outfits up to look at it.

“are we sure minho’s gonna like them?” you ask, a small bit of doubt creeping into the forefront of your mind.

“well, if he doesn’t, then that’s his problem. either way, we’re gonna look so fucking good,” jisung says, smiling wide as he continues to look at the item in his hands. “where is he, anyway?”

“he went out for lunch with his parents, remember?”

“oh yeah, that’s right.” he pauses, turning his head to you, and you can tell from the look on his face exactly what he’s thinking, especially because you’re thinking the same thing. “how long before he’ll get home?”

“not sure, i can text him and ask,” you say, already pulling out your phone and opening the messages between you and minho. you start typing, asking him how long before he might get home. it’s only moments before your phone buzzes with his reply.

minho <3: maybe an hour. why?

y/n: we just miss you, that’s all

he doesn’t respond, and you know that he’s aware of the real reason you’re asking. he can tell that both you and jisung are needy and waiting for him to come home.

“we have about an hour,” you say, turning to jisung, and he drags himself out of bed at your words. “where are you going?”

“to shower,” he replies, walking towards the bathroom. “because i’m not gonna be stinky when our boyfriend gets home.”

“ah, that’s a good idea,” you reply, deciding to scroll aimlessly through various apps on your phone.

“are you saying i stink?”

“always.”

he scoffs, but you can tell from the upturn at the corners of his mouth that he’s just pretending to be insulted. “well, you’re always stinky as well.”

“am not.”

“are too.”

it’s childish, the way you and jisung always banter with each other. but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

“just go shower,” you say, shaking your head.

“wanna join me?” he asks, a cheeky grin on his face.

“nah, your hands like to wander, so i’ll just shower after you,” you reply. “just don’t use up all the hot water.”

it takes almost 40 minutes for jisung to emerge from the bathroom, a towel loosely hanging around his lower half. but you don’t even take a moment to complain about how long he took, only opting to glare at him as you zoom past him and into the bathroom.

you shower faster than you ever have before, stepping back out of the bathroom, clad in a towel, in record speed. 10 minutes to be exact, which is quite quick for you, who usually showers for upwards of half an hour. as soon as you step into the bedroom, you’re greeted with the sight of jisung, already dressed in his outfit. he spins around upon hearing your soft footsteps, and the view of him is even better from the front.

you love it, the way his strong arms stick out from the short sleeves, the way the skirt rests around his thighs. the fabric hugs his torso perfectly, accentuating his tiny waist.

“how do i look?” he asks, and you respond with an approving nod and a thumbs up.

jisung smiles at your reaction while you grab the other maid costume. you quickly dry off the rest of your body, excited to put on the new clothing. if you look anywhere near as good in it as jisung does, then you’ll be super happy. you pull the garment on, turning to face the mirror once it’s in place, jisung walking to stand next to you, also looking at the reflection. he was right, about what he said earlier, you both look so good.

“what now?” jisung asks.

“now, we wait for our hot ass boyfriend to get home,” you answer, moving to sit on the bed. he follows you with a soft whine. jisung’s the impatient one, always getting himself worked up then complaining when no one helps him straight away.

you begin scrolling through your phone once again, jisung doing the same. and you can tell he’s getting himself worked up, judging from the way he keeps inching himself closer and closer. you, however, ignore him, determined to wait patiently for minho to come home. you fall into a steady rhythm, scrolling aimlessly, and the time ticks by quietly. or, at least, it was quiet until jisung lets out a frustrated groan.

“where is he? he told you an hour, and it’s already been an hour and a half,” he huffs, and you’re not surprised at his response. nor are you surprised when you face him and find his cock hard, pressing against the front of his skirt.

“he’ll be here soon, just be patient.”

“but i’m tired of waiting,” he pouts, placing a hand on your thigh. “what if we had some fun before he gets here?”

“you’re too horny for your own good, sungie,” you reply with a slight eye roll, feeling the way his hand rises up. a content sigh leaves your lips when his hand finally reaches your pussy, a lone finger running through your slick folds, already dripping with arousal.

“see, you’re just as turned on as i am,” he huffs, continuing to move his finger slowly, teasingly. and he’s right. while you’ve been waiting for minho to show up, your mind has been wandering, thinking up all the different possibilities for what he’s going to do when he sees you both, and you’ve been getting more and more worked up with every passing minute.

“but i, at least, know how to behave myself and wait patiently,” you retort, trying to hold back the whines bubbling in your throat.

“well, i don’t see you stopping me right now,” he says, his finger beginning to rub small circles into your clit.

“oh, shut up,” you say, voice somewhat breathless as you bring your hand up to jisung’s aching cock.

it’s almost instantaneous, the moan that he lets out when you wrap your hand around his length, slowly rubbing your thumb along his slit. you slowly pump him, and his hand stills against your clit, his brain momentarily short-circuiting at the stimulation you’re providing him. it only takes a few seconds for jisung to regain control of himself, moving his hand so that his fingers prod at your entrance. he slides the digit in, quickly adding a second while you continue to jerk him off leisurely.

he curls his fingers inside of you, causing you to let out a particularly desperate sounding moan. you pump jisung’s cock faster, losing yourself in the feelings of the moment, loving the way his fingers drag along your walls. you can feel the beginnings of your orgasm starting to grow, the knot forming deep in your stomach. but you can tell from the chorus of shameless whines and moans tumbling from jisung’s parted lips that his orgasm looms much closer. his cock twitches in your hand, so close to a release, but a voice speaks up from the doorway, halting your movements.

“well, well, well, what do we have here?”

you pull away from jisung, his fingers leaving you while you ignore the irritated whine he lets out from his orgasm steadily fading away. you stare at the doorway, eyes wide as you look at minho standing there, his arms folded across his chest and his expression none too impressed.

minho walks towards you, each step somewhat menacing, and it’s obvious that he’s not very pleased with what he found you and jisung doing. he brings his hand up, gripping your chin tightly between his finger and thumb, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him.

“tell me, lamb, which one of you was the impatient one?”

he doesn’t have to ask; he already knows the answer. it’s jisung, it’s always jisung. but you tell him anyway, finding some joy in telling on jisung. minho shakes his head in disappointment, frowning at the younger boy.

“was my pretty boy too horny to wait just a little bit longer,” he says, and you watch as jisung’s ears grow redder and redder. he cowers slightly under minho’s stare, the older man being entirely unimpressed with jisung breaking the rules. “what do you have to say for yourself?”

“i’m sorry,” jisung says, his voice quiet, meek, and he keeps his eyes trained on the bed underneath him, unable to look minho in the eye. minho just tsks in response, saying nothing more about the disobedience, knowing the best way to punish jisung is with actions, not words.

“do you like our outfits?” you ask, kind of annoyed that you’re not getting enough attention.

minho’s eyes scan over you and jisung, and you can tell that he loves the way you both look.

“of course i do, you both look so cute in your little matching outfits,” he smiles, gently cupping your face and rubbing his thumb along your cheek.

he leans in, pressing his lips to yours, and you smile into the kiss, enjoying the gentle moment. but it’s interrupted by jisung’s soft whines. he pouts his lips, silently asking for a kiss as well. minho rolls his eyes slightly, but you can see the soft smile on his face before he leans over to jisung and kissing him. minho steps back, grabbing the chair from the corner of the room and placing it at the end of the bed, ignoring the confused looks from you and jisung.

“now, my pretty pets wanted to play with each other, so you’re gonna keep playing. but you’re gonna do it the way i tell you to,” he says, sitting down. “so, y/n, as adorable as you look all dressed up for me, i want you to strip.”

“yes, sir,” you say, eager to please. you slowly stand up, reaching behind you to undo your outfit before slowly sliding it down your body, being sure to sway your hips enticingly as you do so.

“that’s my good little lamb,” he says, making you smile at the praise. “now, sungie, sit with your back against the headboard, and y/n, i want you to suck him off.”

you wait for jisung to settle into his spot before you move into your position between his legs, lifting up the skirt of his outfit to reveal his still throbbing cock. just as he did before, he moans the second you take him into your hand, slowly pumping him a few times before bringing him to your lips. you press a chaste kiss to the tip, relishing in the soft hiss he lets out at the minuscule contact. you can’t see minho, but you can tell that he’s smirking at you both from his seat, enjoying watching the way you tease the desperate boy in front of you.

“p-please don’t tease me, y/n,” he whimpers out, bringing his hands to tangle in your hair.

“shut up, sungie. you’re lucky i’m not trying you up in the corner to just watch,” minho spits, and jisung’s mouth instantly closes at the words.

you place another kiss along his slit before finally, licking a stripe up the underside of his cock. your tongue moves slowly against him, painstakingly slowly, and he lets out the most pathetic whine you’ve ever heard. it’s a beautiful sound, and you want to hear it again. you pause, waiting a few seconds before licking another stripe, moving just as leisurely as the first time, and you’re rewarded with another desperate whine, jisung wanting to ask for more, but knowing minho will stop you if he does. you lick once more before finally taking him into your mouth.

the only sound better than his whines is his moan upon finally getting to feel the warmth of your mouth. it’s low, guttural, bordering on being a groan. and it sounds like heaven. it sounds like a sinful delight that you’re all too happy to indulge in. you hollow your cheeks, sucking harshly on the tip of his cock before bobbing your head once, taking as much of him as you can before pulling away. you release him with a soft pop, swirling your tongue around him twice before moving back down his length, setting a calm pace with the bobs of your head.

you can feel him twitch in your mouth, his earlier lost orgasm already beginning to return. you hold your head down, feeling him deep in your throat. you moan around his cock, loving the way the vibrations make him rut his hips upwards, causing you to gag slightly. jisung’s legs start to tremble, his moans rising in pitch, and you can tell he’s getting close to his release.

“oh f-fuck, i’m gonna-” he stutters, eyes screwed shut and his hands tugging softly on your hair, a weak attempt to keep himself grounded.

“cum on their tits,” minho’s voice speaks up, and you’d almost forgotten he was even there, watching, observing the way you swallow around jisung’s cock.

“b-but-” jisung whines, wanting to cum down your throat.

“but what? you should be grateful i’m even letting you cum at all,” minho responds.

but, just like jisung, you also want him to cum down your throat. you want to taste him, want his release to coat your tongue. so, you don’t stop, continuing to bob your head up and down with new vigour, trying to make him cum before you can be stopped. but minho gets there first, moving from his chair to you in the blink of an eye, moving jisung’s hands from your hair and harshly grabbing a fistful of it himself, yanking your head back so that jisung’s cock falls free from the confines of your lips.

jisung is quick, taking his cock into his hand and pumping quickly, not wanting to lose his orgasm for the second time. minho presses one of his hands against your back so that you arch it, your chest protruding outwards. jisung pumps himself once, twice, before you feel the warmth of his release hit your tits. you hang your mouth open, tongue out in an attempt to taste at least a drop. but you’re out of luck, his cum only splattering across the expanse of your chest.

you watch jisung’s hand slow down, jerking himself off until he comes back down from his high. he lays limp against the bed, breathing heavily as he tries to catch his breath. minho lets go of you, moving towards jisung. he gentle strokes the younger boy’s hair, telling him how well he did. but the softness only lasts for a moment, minho yanking against jisung’s hair, pulling his head back so that they’re looking each other in the eye.

“lick it off,” minho orders, voice stern. jisung goes bright red, blood rushing to the surface as his face heats up in embarrassment, and you can practically feel the warmth radiating from him from where you’re sitting.

the look on his face is a marvel to behold, a perfect combination of humiliation and desire. so utterly embarrassed at the mere notion of it, but also so devastatingly turned on at the idea of licking his own cum from your breasts. he nods his head, moving so that you can take his place. you lie down, your head resting upon the pillows, jisung hovering over you.

minho stands up, returning to his chair at the end of the bed, watching as jisung’s head lowers to your breasts. jisung looks up at you through his eyelashes before pressing his tongue flat against the soft flesh of your chest.

there’s something so filthy, so dirty about watching him lick his own cum from your skin. something so entirely erotic about the trails of saliva he leaves behind. you moan softly when his lips wrap around one of your nipples, sucking softly on the sensitive bud. he’s quick to let go, though, moving his lips and tongue across, wrapping his lips around your other nipple as well. and it’s not long before his cum is cleaned from your tits, jisung turning to face minho, waiting to be told what happens next.

“good boy, sungie,” minho says, and jisung perks up at the praise, loving to hear that he’s doing a good job. “what do you say to y/n for making you cum?”

jisung turns back to face you, and it’s adorable, the way he looks so shy. but he says his thanks to you anyway, his cheeks a soft shade of pink.

“it’s your turn to give, pretty boy. y/n made you cum so now you can do the same to them.”

“yes, sir,” jisung says, moving so that his face is in front of your pussy. you’ve ignored the throbbing between your legs for long enough. and it’s only now, with jisung’s breath delicately hitting your dripping folds, that you realise just how desperate you are for some kind of stimulation. for any small amount of contact that can bring you the release you need.

his tongue darts out of his mouth, quickly swiping up from your entrance to your clit. you let out a broken moan, your hands flying to tangle in his hair and your eyes closing tightly. jisung’s always been good at this, making you feel good with his mouth. and as his tongue dips into your hole, you can’t help but feel as if you’re floating amongst the clouds.

he only adds to your pleasure, however, when he brings his fingers to prod at your entrance while he sucks at your clit. he curls his digits, working your g-spot for the second time today and it makes your back arch. you tug at his hair, pressing his face harder against you, greedy for more. and jisung is happy to provide. he thrusts his fingers into you faster, humming against your clit. and the vibrations feel like electricity, setting off every nerve ending in your body.

you slowly open your eyes, and you’re greeted with one of the best sights. minho sits on his chair, clothes in a pile on the floor next to him, his hand wrapped around his hard cock, jerking himself off to the sight of you being eaten out by jisung. jisung’s fingers pumping in and out of your walls feel divine, but the addition of knowing that minho’s watching, and that he’s getting off to it as well, is enough to make the knot in your stomach grow faster.

you look down at jisung, and you love the way he looks. his maid outfit still covering him, his eyes closed as he relishes in the taste of you. his hands wrap around your thighs, grip firmly holding you in place, and you can see the way his hips rut against the edge of the bed.

the knot grows, steadily coiling tighter and tighter until you’re waiting, with bated breath, for it to unravel. with a particularly delightful curl of jisung’s fingers, you’re cumming, your legs shaking on either side of his head. he works you through it until you’re only left trembling with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

minho stands up, signalling for jisung to do the same, and the younger boy does, standing beside the bed awaiting instructions.

“strip,” he says to jisung, and he does, quickly ridding himself of the maid outfit, tossing it unceremoniously into the corner of the room.

jisung stands still, cock hard once again, and you can see on his face how much he’s struggling to stop himself from wrapping his hand around himself. minho ignores him for a moment, helping you manoeuvre yourself so that you’re laying sideways across the bed, your head hanging off the edge. he climbs on the bed, positioning himself between your legs before finally acknowledging jisung once more.

“you’re gonna fuck their throat again, sungie,” he says and is quick to continue when jisung pouts. “and don’t complain. if you were good earlier, then you might’ve gotten to fuck their pussy, but you weren’t. so, you’re gonna take what you get and be grateful for it.”

jisung huffs slightly but says nothing further as he lines himself up with your opened mouth. he takes himself in his hand, rubbing the head of his cock along your lips, his breathing uneven from the knowledge of the pleasure that is in store for him. minho does the same, sliding his tip up and down your entrance, gathering your wetness. and only when you whine softly, a quiet beg for more, do they finally both push into you.

it’s kind of funny, the way they both simultaneously pause when they’re bottomed out, catching their breaths, needing a moment to recover from how good you feel wrapped around them. it feels like a lifetime before they begin to move, and it’s immediate euphoria, the way minho’s cock drags along your walls, every single one of his thrusts deep and purposeful. his hips move slowly into yours, wanting to truly feel the way you clench around him. and jisung’s thrusts are the same, calculated, determined, savouring the way your throat constricts his cock in just the right way.

you keep your eyes closed, just letting yourself feel the way they’re making you feel, the almost overwhelming pleasure you’re being provided. you can feel the drool dripping from the corners of your opened mouth. you can hear the grunts and groans from both of your boyfriends, you can smell the unmistakable scent of sex in the air. and you can taste jisung’s precum on the back of your tongue.

you’re careful of your breathing, being sure to take breaths at every opportunity. you lift your hands, gripping tightly onto jisung’s thighs while minho’s hands do the same to your hips. his fingers dig into the flesh, and you know that the skin there will be littered with a bunch of tiny bruises. but you don’t care, bruises are a small price to pay for total pleasure, especially when they don’t hurt at all.

jisung’s hands cradle your head, and he watches the faint outline of his cock in your throat. the sight alone draws a moan from his lips and sends a shudder through his body. your attention is brought back to minho when he begins to slowly rub at your clit with his thumb, and your body jolts slightly from the pleasure. you clench tighter around him in response, making his hips stutter for a moment before he regains his steady rhythm.

“fuck! c-can i cum? please? i n-need to,” jisung pleads, his thrusts into your mouth growing sloppier and sloppier as he gets closer to his orgasm.

“of course you can, sungie. go ahead and cum for us,” minho says, and you pick up on the tone with which he speaks. you can hear the almost sinister undertones in his words, but it’s obvious jisung doesn’t, because he releases down your throat with a moan.

he thrusts a few more times until he comes down from his high before stilling inside your mouth. he’s panting, trying to catch his breath before minho speaks up again.

“now, keep going.”

“huh?” jisung’s confused, it’s written all over his face. and there’s slight fear in his eyes. he’s well aware of what minho’s order means, but he doesn’t want to believe it.

“you wanted so badly to cum earlier, even breaking the rules to try and do so. so that’s what you’re gonna do. you’re gonna cum again.”

jisung’s frozen in his spot, and you press your hands harder against the back of his thighs so that he can’t step away. you take the chance to catch your breath as much as you can, taking deep breaths in through your nose while you wait for him to move again. but he doesn’t, each time he tries to thrust again his body shivers in overstimulation, and it stops him. minho takes matters into his own hands.

he thrusts into you with more force than before, causing you to moan around jisung as well as lurch towards jisung. you swallow around him and the younger boy whimpers from the overstimulation, his knees almost buckling beneath him, but you can tell he loves it.

minho grips your thighs, lifting your legs so that they wrap around his torso, and he’s able to thrust into you better, the slight change providing the perfect angle for him to reach deeper inside your tight walls. you can hear his breathing getting ragged, the warmth of your pussy starting to get to him, and his hips stutter every few thrusts.

minho lets out a shaky moan, and you clench around him as tight as you can, beginning to grind your hips up against him for some added friction, while jisung finally regains control of himself, managing to restart shallow thrusts into your throat.

all the nerves in your body are alight once more, and you can feel the knot forming again. you continue moaning around jisung’s cock, and the vibrations are sending him hurtling towards another release of his own. you can tell that minho is also nearing his end, his breathing is heavy, his thrusts are getting sloppy. but he doesn’t want to be the first to finish. he slides one of his hands up your body, leaving goosebumps in his fingertips’ wake before reaching your neck. he wraps his hand around your throat, and jisung’s the first to feel it. he feels the way your throat envelops him tighter, and he lets out such a desperate whine before cumming down your throat without warning. you swallow around him, feeling the way his thick cum slides down the back of your throat. his legs shake when he steps away from you, and he’s quick to lay down on the bed beside you.

minho’s hand stays around your throat as he continues to thrust into you, and he rolls his hips expertly. you’re close, so damn close to your orgasm. but you need something more, anything more, and jisung and minho can both see that. they both know what to do, minho leaning down and bringing one of your nipples into his mouth, while jisung wraps his lips around the other.

they both work in tandem, almost in sync as their tongues flick and swirl over your buds and it’s mere moments before they have you right there, standing on the precipice of ultimate pleasure, teetering on the cliffside, so close that a small gust of wind could push you over. but you fall, of your own volition, into an earth-shattering orgasm.

your entire body moves on its own, writhing, trembling. your head is thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, legs shaking and twitching around minho’s torso. your back arches, your hips buck up and down over and over again. you’ve never had an orgasm so good, so exquisite, before. minho can tell from the way your walls grip his cock tighter than ever before, the way your mouth hangs open in a silent moan that just can’t seem to escape the confines of your throat.

the almost unbearable tightness of your pussy sends him over, triggering the orgasm that he’s been fending off for longer than he’d like to admit. you’re still lost in the pleasure, blissed out from the best orgasm of your life when minho releases inside you, painting your wall white. it’s only when you both have come down from your highs that both boys detach from your chest, jisung flopping back against the pillows while minho gently pulls out of you.

“you guys good?” minho asks, leaning back, propped up with his arms. you and jisung nod, happy smiles on both your faces. “good, then i’ll go grab us some water.”

he slowly stands up, catching his breath before heading out of the room. you use the moment to quickly go to the bathroom to clean yourself up. and by the time you return to the bedroom, minho is already there, two glasses of water in his hands and one more in jisung’s. minho hands one to you as you sit back down on the bed. it’s not until you drink the cool liquid that you realise just how much your throat aches. it’s faced a lot of use over the course of the session, but you know a scratchy throat is only temporary.

“i really liked your outfits,” minho says, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled in the room.

“thank you,” you and jisung say in unison. you both giggle before you continue.

“i bought them months ago and started to give up hope that they’d even show up.”

“then it’s a really good thing they did because they just might get a lot of use,” minho replies, smiling. “did you both have fun?”

“of course! it was really good,” jisung responds first.

“yeah, i really enjoyed it,” you say.

“i’m glad.” minho grins wider, happy that you both enjoyed it. it always makes him happy to know you both had fun. “what shall we do now? get in the hot tub or watch a movie?”

“who says we can’t do both? hot tub and then a movie,” jisung says.

“i second that motion,” you add.

“alrighty then,” minho replies. “then that’s what we’ll do.”

all three of you make your ways out of the bedroom, stopping to grab a towel each on the way to the backyard. and as you all reach the hot tub, jisung and minho both pulling back the cover, you’re just excited to sink into the nice hot water with both of your loving boyfriends.

[worstnurse]

accidentally aquired some flesh eating dermestid beetles and have very little idea how to care for them, do you have any advice 😭

Absolutely!!

They're actually incredibly easy to care for imo, and more complicated aspects only come into play when using them to clean taxidermy specimens (which I'll assume you're not doing at the moment haha)

So a basic setup, all you really need is a container with good ventilation, which can be as simple as a critter keeper, or if you're dealing with a lot of beetles and need more space, you can use a big tupperware!

^this enclosure was designed for crickets, but the structure of the plastic bin and ventilated lid (looks like they put some screen over the hole they cut out) is perfect. The beetles cannot climb plastic, and while the adults are capable of flying, they allegedly only start flying in very high temperatures and I've yet to ever see one of mine fly despite my room getting over 90 F in the summer.

Things to avoid: wood: the beetles can climb and eat through it glass fish tanks: the beetles can climb the silicone lining on the edges. the larva are TINY and will have no problem slipping through any lid that doesnt have an airtight seal.

for bedding, I recommend something dry and not packed dense. you want to avoid moisture buildup, and also you want the frass to be able to kinda fall through and congregate at the bottom, which will be where the eggs end up. I personally use aspen snake bedding

however you can probably accomplish the same thing with similar shredded beddings or just like, paper you put through a paper shredder! basically just have a good inch or so of something dry and fluffy.

another thing they need is something firmer the larva can burrow in to pupate, which can be a lot of things, like corrugated cardboard, wood, I personally just give them styrofoam I never have a shortage of lying around from appliances I got shipped, chunks like this:

(it won't hurt them to eat it, but if you planned on say, using the dermestids as feeders for a reptile, then ditch the styrofoam.)

they can pupate without it, but the adult beetles might eat the pupas if they're just lying out in the open.

for water, they need something they can climb and hold onto (not a pool of water), you want to keep the moisture from getting in the bedding. what I use is these natural dye-free kitchen sponges

but you could also use a sea sponge like this

OR if nothing else, you can just ball up a moist paper towel! just be aware over time the beetles will chew whatever you use up, and they'll eat up a paper towel more quickly.

you want to keep this separate from the bedding so it doesn't soak everything, so you can use a reptile water dish

OR anything similar so long as it's got a texture they can climb. remember they can't climb smooth plastic, but if you have say, a shallow plastic bowl you scratched up with sandpaper or whatever, that should work just fine

finally for food, they are entirely carnivorous and just need meat. what you want to supply them is honestly up to you, just keep in mind you probably don't wanna give them anything raw cause it'll stink up your room. you can buy pre-cooked rawhide chews for dogs, stuff like this you can find at a pet store

which are often sold individually wrapped which is great to start with if you only have a few beetles. the great thing about these is they won't get stinky if they sit a while

you can also buy just about any meat from the store yourself as long as its unseasoned, be it pre-cooked, raw, whatever. some stuff I've bought and just popped in the oven and cooked until dry: pig snouts, feet, ears, chicken feet, wings, thighs, when I was in a pinch I just threw ground beef in a skillet and cooked it plain, i've even opened a can of tuna and fed them that. just bare in mind with perishable meat, it'll get stinky if it sits so portion it out little by little.

i also recommend putting their food on something that will keep the moisture from getting all over the bedding. I just use a little cardboard box.

they can climb/burrow into it just fine, it keeps everything in place, and when it gets nasty you can toss it and use a new one.

here's a photo of my enclosure when my colony was just starting out!

pretty simple when you look at it altogether!

the daily maintenance is easy, just make sure your water source is dampened and make sure they have food. discard anything that gets nasty. thats it!

they are hardy and you don't really need any heating or cooling in the average room temperature household. the warmer it is, the more active they'll be and breed.

hope that helps! don't be shy if you have any other questions. I love talking about dermestids!

[mattspoetdepartment]

imagine bub being like an animal person so she keeps wanting to pet the dogs and full protective dad! jack mode is on the whole entire time 😅

Oh my god

She’s pointing at them all excitedly “doggies!!!! Can I pet? Please??” And jacks just 😅

They are more than likely nice but jack doesn’t wanna take any chances 💀💀 “those are stinky dogs baby. You don’t wanna touch them they’ll make you stink!! You don’t wanna stink do you??” And she’d shake her head sad but the girl don’t wanna stink 💀

[lovetenya]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞

pairing: tamaki amajiki x gender neutral reader

warnings: one swear word and some emotional language, but it ends in comfort. no tamaki amajiki angst or slander allowed in my house. just fluff.

word count: about 1.5k

author’s note: i love you, tamaki amajiki. that’s why you get the honor of being dedicated my favorite color. mwwwwah.

being in love with tamaki amajiki is orange.

it’s warm, it’s passionate, it’s soft, it’s gentle.

it’s pure, genuine, and it feels like home.

it’s the light that comes through the window on the weekend, shining perfectly into your eyes.

 on a normal morning, there isn’t time to waste. he has to leave early, so he pulls on his underclothes, puts his coat on, and then leaves, since his suit and quirk-enhancing food is stored at the agency. mornings together don’t normally last longer than it takes him to lightly shake you awake and say “bye, honey. i hope you have a good day.” and give you a quick kiss.

orange is the juice he pours as soon as he wakes up, the one you taste when he kisses you, saying it’s “better than tasting my morning breath.” you’re not one to complain, especially not about getting kisses from tamaki. they usually make him flustered, so you’ll take as many as you can get.

today is different. though. it’s ten on a saturday morning and tamaki is right next to you, sound asleep. his tired eyes are closed and his expression is one lacking all tension, and full of peace.

he deserves it, you think, considering the night before. you had a meal ready for him when he got home late, but he barely even made it through that. his eyes drooped and his shoulders sagged while he ate, and he looked more pale than usual.

you suggested, “tama, do you wanna shower and then head to bed? we don’t have to stay up late just because it’s friday.” 

“sure, honey. that sounds nice,” he yawned, holding his head in his hands.

“i’ll clean up dinner and meet’cha in our room, okay?”

“okay...” he hopped off of his chair at the counter and made his way to your room to get undressed. within ten minutes, the dishes were done, but you didn’t hear tamaki start the shower. what’s he doing in there? you wondered.

you made your way toward the bedroom, not wanting to startle him or walk in on him changing. you knocked lightly on the door before asking “tamaki? are you okay?” 

when there was no response, you turned the doorknob and quietly opened the door to see your dear tamaki laying on the bed, fast asleep and fully dressed. he must’ve sat down to take off his bottoms and fell asleep. 

poor baby, you thought. i didnt realize he was that tired.

lightly, you walked to the side of the bed where he was lying on his back with his legs hanging off the edge. you moved his bangs away from his face and kissed his forehead sweetly. he looked so peaceful, but he couldn’t sleep in his work clothes. there’s no way that’s sanitary or comfortable. 

“tama, baby. sit up for me so we can take your clothes off and go to bed.”

“mm..” he whimpered, eyes still closed. he didn’t move.

“come on, bub. sit up, please. let’s get some pajamas on, okay?” a pair of pajama pants and an old t-shirt never sounded better to tamaki, even though he was still half-asleep.

“okay...” he sat up and sleepily hugged your torso, putting his cheek to your chest. you stood in front of where he was sitting, and he slowly raised his arms to let you peel off his underclothes and finish getting him undressed. you put the t-shirt over his arms, and he slowly pulled it down over his head and back. next, the bottoms. you grabbed a pair of boxers from his drawer and held them out to him.

“here, tama, put on some clean underwear. yours probably stink.”

“nuh-uh. m’not stinky. m’ just sleepy...”

“i’m just kidding, bub. change quick so we can go to sleep.”

he pulled on his boxers and pair of pajama pants, then got under the soft, smooth covers. you got your pajamas on (a peach-colored t-shirt and some shorts) then flicked off the light and layed down next to him.

his eyes were already shut and he was breathing lightly, so you assumed he was asleep. even though you really missed him this week, you didn’t want to bother him by grabbing his hand or trying to hold him.

“mmph.” he grunted, stirring softly. you didn’t reply, figuring he was just making noises in his sleep. he did the same thing one of the first times you shared a bed, but he was really embarrassed upon hearing about it, so you didn’t bring it up again.

again, he asserted, “mmm!!” but more displeased this time.

“what’s wrong, tama?” you asked. he rolled toward you.

“are you.. are you mad at me?” he asked weakly, desperately hoping that you’d say no. there were sleepy, fearful tears welling in his eyes, but he wasn’t conscious enough to care to hide them.

“not at all, baby, why would i be mad at you?”

“well.. you didn’t.. you didn’t even try to.. you’re not even..” he paused, trying to compose himself. you didn’t interrupt, knowing he’d make his point at his own pace. he always said what he meant eventually.

he continued, “you’re not even holding my hand.. and i just.. really missed you.. and.. i didn’t mean to.. make you upset by being gone this week but i just.. there were so many guys out there.. and i had to help ‘em.. and i’m sorry i didn’t come home until late but--” he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, his long hours at work rendering him overtired and sensitive. the tears flowed down his face, and you quickly, but softly, reached out to him, bringing him closer.

“oh baby, i’m so sorry. i’m not mad at you.”

“y-you promise?”

“yeah, honey, i promise. c’mere. let me cuddle you.”

you moved over to him, pulling him close. with all the strength he could muster, he wrapped his arms around you, snuggling his head into your neck. you pet his hair gently, soothing him to sleep and reassuring him through soft kisses to his head. his anxiety-fueled cries turned to sniffles, which eventually turned to light snores.

he just really didn’t want to lose you. he didn’t think he could bear to go without you, and you felt the same way. you worried about him terribly while he was out, but never wanted to show him you were afraid for him. you knew he’d take on your emotions and then there’d be two crying lovers. 

you bottled up your emotions until you couldn’t handle it anymore, bursting into tears at the slightest change of tamaki’s tone of voice. these moments of emotional intensity often did end in both of you crying, and nights much like this, where you held each other impossibly close. letting go was out of the question.

—

tamaki was so tired this week because he had what can only be described as, well, a super shitty week, so fatgum gave him the weekend off. their conversation went like this:

“i don’t.. mean to be rude by disagreeing, but i just can’t take the whole weekend off. i need to be out there.. helping you.”

“no way, amajiki. what ya’ need is to rest. you can’t do your best work next week if ya’ don’t take a break this week, so go home and rest and then come back on monday ready to go.”

“but--”

“don’t make me call y/n! they’ll make you stay home!” fatgum warned, knowing you’d do exactly that.

tamaki sighed in defeat, “fiiiiiiine.” you’re the only person he’d willingly lose to, time and time again. if his defeat meant your victory, he was okay with losing.

—

orange is is the color of the terra-cotta pots that hold the herbs you planted on your balcony.

“they’re gonna taste so good once they grow! aren’t you excited?” you asked him, hands covered in dirt.

“yeah, if i don’t forget to water them and kill them first,” he deadpanned, tilting the watering can a bit too far and spilling it all over your shoes.

“tamaki!!” 

“sorry!!!”

—

orange is your perfect creation. it’s the bleeding together of your crimson red tenderness and his frail yellow anxiety. while you’re there to reassure him, and he’s always there to ground you, noticing the details you missed. you compliment each other in a way that creates something so much stronger, and can never be separated.

orange is the feeling in your heart when he says your name, whether he’s reminding you about that event he has coming up, or when he just wants to hear it breathlessly between kisses. he’ll never get enough of them. he’ll never get enough of you. 

orange is the always-growing warmth of his love, and it’s the glowing sparks of fire that fly between you. loving him is easy.

orange is the fluttering of eyelashes as you fall asleep together for the first time, it’s the wholehearted comfort cultivated over time, and it’s the countless pinky promises sealed with kisses. when his heavy heart needs uplifting, you promise to be there. orange is a promise you intend to keep.

—

thanks for reading!

love, tj. 🧋

—

link to my masterlist

[brandstifter-sys]

Cuddlefish

Word Count: 561. (Ao3)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Rating: T

Warnings: fluff, death mention (blink and you'll miss it)

-------

Remus liked to think he was the clingy one in the relationship. He was always leaping into Virgil's arms or scooping him up and carrying him around. He loved getting the emo to pet his hair and kiss him. Remus was the one who flopped into his lap, and pulled Virgil into his. Remus was just physically affectionate and proud.

"Mm, Remus," Virgil mumbled against his chest. Remus was wide awake on his back, staring at the ceiling. His emo was clinging to his bare chest, curling his fingers through his chest hair and resting his head on Remus' shoulder.

"What's up, Scare Bear?" he asked and glanced at him. That was his first mistake.

"Good, it’s you. I don't feel like holding anyone else," Virgil mumbled with his eyes still closed. A soft smile crossed his lips and he nuzzled closer to him.

"Aw, don't worry, you can hold this hot bod as long as you want! And you can do a lot more to it if you want!" Remus giggled.

"Shhhhh, I'm trying to snuggle a cuddlefish," Virgil mumbled, his breath tickling Remus' skin. Remus snorted and shook his head.

"Your nose is in my armpit, you know! I'm a stinky boy!"

"Stinks like home, a good stink," Virgil huffed and wrapped his legs around Remus' waist like a koala, "Now shush. I'm cuddling my Octopuppy."

"What if I don't wanna shush? What if I wanna gush about my boyfriend being adorable?"

"No. Shush. I wanna think about my boyfriend, he's cuter." Virgil scoffed and let his hand wander over his chest, toying with the wispy hair there, "He's like a teddy bear but better."

"How so? He's not a Scare Bear who gives great hugs."

"Fuzzy. Warm. Perfect for hugging."

"Sounds like someone is ready for bed!" Remus sang, only to have his emo cling tighter and nuzzle into his chest.

"Mhmm, and I get to sleep holding my stinky cuddlefish and listen to him breathing and his pulse until they both stop."

"Keep talking like that and you won't get to! I'm this close to kissing every inch of you until dawn!"

Virgil snickered and kissed his chest before nuzzling closer to listen to his heart.

"I'm not letting go, so you can try but you'll fail," he taunted and relaxed, making himself dead weight. He let Remus wiggle and try to get away so he could follow through with his "threat" but he was quick to give up. No one escaped an emo death grip, even if they were slippery.

"You are such a little shit," he laughed.

"You should try and get some sleep,” Virgil mumbled, “Sleep is good and you need it as much as me.”

“How am I supposed to sleep with a baby bat clinging to me?” Remus scoffed and settled into the mattress, “Especially one who’s so cute and witty and loving and scary and mine? I’d rather go all Edward and watch you sleep than have nightmares and wake you.”

“I’ll scare away the nightmares, I’ll protect you,” Virge yawned and nuzzled closer, “You’re safe with me.”

“You’re killing me with cuteness,” Remus giggled and closed his eyes, “Why would I be safe with you?”

“Cuz I love you, dingus,” Virgil huffed before he succumbed to his fatigue. Remus flushed and smiled to himself.

“I love you too, jerk face.”

[taeswurld]

Ace VIII [Stinky]

pairing: bakugo x fem!reader

genre: humor, romance

TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff

Summary:

Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!

A/N:

Yuhhhhh I KNOW IT’S LATE DON’T GET MAD AT ME, but i made a new chapter. Reblog and like for clear skin hotties!

{ACE MASTERLIST}

“Hey guys, thanks.”

All three boys, including the dog, turned their heads to you, simultaneously tilting their heads. 

“For what?” Midoriya asked. 

“I don’t know if I’m going to wake up in the morning forgetting everyday about this day and like what happened,” you began. “But I wanna say thanks for making me really comfortable and sticking with me throughout the day.” You said, giving them the sweetest smile you could muster. 

You really did have a lot to be grateful for. You got shifted in a world where everyone helped you figure things out as patiently as possible. You could’ve shifted into an anime where everyone hates each other, or worse, you could’ve shifted into AOT, and got your ass eat by naked, ugly, weirdly built humans. 

“Tch, don’t mention it dumbass. We were just doing our jobs.” Bakugou said grumpily, holding a small, barley-there blush on his cheeks. 

“We’ll miss you, Y/N. This version of you is way more expressive and, well how do I say this,-” Todoroki stopped to think.

“Bitchy?” Bakugou finished with a shit-eating smirk on his face.

“I was gonna say open, but that works too.” Todoroki said with a grin on his face. 

“Hey! I thought you were my friend Todo!” You pouted. 

“And what the fuck am I? Chopped liver?” Bakugou said, offended you didn't even care about his comment. 

“I don’t really give a shit about your opinion. You’re like, rude.” You said, with a small sneer on your face. 

Bakugou just clicked his tongue and looked away. 

To be quite honest, he didn’t know what to say. Old you was so calm and quiet, but now you’re showing that spunk he always knew was inside of you. Not that he didn’t miss the less expressive you, but it was always so hard to come out of your shell. And now, you’re engaging in banter with stupid Deku and Half-and-Half. 

He was getting a little jealous to be quite honest with himself. 

Usually, this side of you was always so reserved, only showing when he would pick small, meaningless fights with you during training, and then again when you two were locked in his room, murmuring sweet nothings and jokes into each other’s ears, sneaking small kisses every now and then. 

It absolutely killed him to see you like this. You weren’t by his side, holding onto his shirt, having your stupid mutt trail behind you two. Cuddling in each other’s arms during days when the class went out, watch sappy Disney movies with Hiro laying in between you two. 

And it utterly killed him every time he saw a small blush on your cheeks after engaging in jokes with Midoriya and Todoroki. 

But he never looked long enough to see you were slightly blushing at his words too.

He wishes you would hurry up and remember all your memories with him so his nightmare could end. 

The nightmare of not belonging to each other anymore. 

“Hey, you good dude?” Midoriya said, giving Bakugou a small shove. 

He knew of the small relationship you two had, after accidentally catching Bakugou slipping and saying your pet names, or sneaking in a forehead kiss before a huge battle. The guy was way more observant than what people credited him for. 

“Yeah shitty nerd, I’m good. Not my place to tell her what to do. Hopefully this shit passes by morning.” He whispered back, not wanting you getting curious and overhearing. 

“Hey, everything’s gonna be good. Our Y/N will be back, and hopefully shit will go back to normal. Or as normal as shit gets,” Midoriya said with a small smile growing on his face, trying to reassure his friend as much as he could. 

To be honest, he was also quite worried too. 

All throughout the day, you kept giving Kacchan looks of annoyance and sometimes even hatred, a complete 180 of your relationship before. But honestly, your behavior has been on edge for a few days now, and before today, he doesn’t think you’ve been on speaking terms with Kacchan for at least 2 days before your accident. 

He knows if they don’t figure something out to get you to remember all your memories with Kacchan, shit could get twisted really fast. The worst part is, that the only way to remember, is if Kacchan stops being such a little bitch and tells you everything.

Which, unfortunately for the three of you, probably won't happen any time soon due to this man having the emotional strength of a pea. 

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go get started on that shower, I need to clean up before I stink up the dorms” Midoriya said, sniffing his shirt, giving a small grimace at the smell, parting from the group.

“Me too, shoutout my name is you guys need anything. Especially you, Y/N.” Todoroki said, walking away to go get cleaned up. 

Another thing, everyone knows you are one, if not, THE prettiest girl in the class. This doesn't go unnoticed by your classmates, especially the boys. Almost everyone’s asked you out at least one, either jokingly or seriously. Having a super quirk doesn’t exactly diffuse the situation, if anything, people are even more attracted to you.

Bakugou was always worried you would leave him for someone else, whether that be someone else in your class, or some extra in another class. You would always reassure him you would never and that you only have eyes from him, but with your relationship being pretty much nonexistent at this point, his insecurity levels are through the roof. 

Doesn't help that Todoroki is one of the boys who find you attractive. Midoriya did too, at one point, but the shitty nerd knew better and instantly backed off when he found out you two were an item. 

“She won't, don't worry,” Bakugou growled at Todoroki. “Go take a stupid shower too, idiot. You stink.” He said turning to you with a bit less malice in his voice.

“Can you stop calling me mean nicknames and use names that won’t feed onto my insecurities.” You reprimanded, annoyed he kept giving you a shitty attitude.

“Alright, sweetheart,” He smirked. “Will the princess be a good girl and take a shower?” He said in raspy, deep voice. 

After scowling and flipping him off, you departed with a ‘fuck you’ and went to wash up. 

With a victorious smirk on his face, knowing you probably got a little flustered from his words, he looked down to see Hiro staring up at him. 

“I’m not calling you cute shitty nicknames. You're fucking ugly.” He said, looking down at your furry companion. 

Giving a small growl at Bakugou’s words, Hiro walked away to join you. 

“Shitty dog,” he said, with a small smile on his face. 

TAGLIST :

 lanaxians-2 

soft-levi-girl-

 blogladymidnight77

[kaaras-adaar]

Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you and leave 11 more for the people you tag!

TAGGED BY: @ravusnightblossom (thanks boo!) 

TAGGING: I can’t possibly think of 11 questions so if you wanna just redo these ones go for it? lol 

MY QUESTIONS TO ANSWER

1.  What to you prefer while writing? Silence? Television? Music? If it’s television or music, what would be playing?    

Music. I can’t write with anything else going on in he background, including my partner talking while playing games etc. Too much noise stimulation and I get overstimulated and can’t do anything and feel like I want to die. So I have music playing all the time when I’m on my PC, which can range from death metal to uh... Disney songs, so yeah. 

2. What is something specific that you always look for in your writing partners? 

Outside of the ability to communicate (because I love getting to know the person behind the muse), I would say simple compatability and chemistry between our writing. I generally don’t write with those who only do one paragraph or one line. I don’t mind doing banter threads and going back and forth with small paras and one liners, but I also want to read about how your muse feels, acts and reacts. The core of our writing I want to be a story, not a script.   

3. What is your favourite season of the year and why?  

Autumn. I love when it begins to get colder, the days still pleasant but the night times/morning nice and cold. I used to think winter, but the older I get, the less my body enjoys long periods of dark cold lol. 

4. How many blogs do you maintain across Tumblr? Do you roleplay on any other sites?  

I have Kaaras’ (here), my multi and just my personal one. I don’t RP anywhere else, unfortunately. I have found Tumblr to be the easiest and best place for RP. 

5. Tell me your favourite food. Least favourite food?

Chocolaaaaate. I can’t live without it >: Other than that, probably hot chips or sushi :) My least favourite is broad beans *voms* 

6. Leave some kind words about one of your mutuals here! Maybe you’ll make someone’s day brighter or help others find a new writing partner!  

Well can I say it about you, Fox (who tagged me) :P You’re amazing and a pure delight to interact with and write with. I love that you have so much muse for so many amazing characters, and you’re also willing to spread that love with your multitude of AU’s so everyone can be comfortable Rping with them. You’re just a treasure to have here <3 and one of my fave people. 

7. Do you have a favourite ship that you currently write?  

Aaaaallll of my ships here with Kaaras. They all mean so much to me (and him ofc). I also really like over on my multi Iggy x Noct, Jaime x Jon, Jaime x Sandor.

8. Is there a character that you deeply wish you had a chance to write with one of your own? If so, who and why?

I’m happy for Kaaras to interact with pretty much anyone and everyone. I can’t think of any one character in particular atm that I’d REALLY love to write with. I’m v tired.

9. Pets! Do you have any pets? Bonus points if you send me pictures of them!  

My birb, we call him Stinky (even tho he stinks good like feather fluffs). He’s a galah. I’m hoping to get a green cheek conure friend for him in the future though. I would love to get a cat, but my partner is allergic, so I’m deffs interested in a Russian blue, it’s just a matter of finding any around the area, and having the money. 

10. What’s your definition of a perfect self care day for yourself?  

Chilling, playing video games, eating fatty food lol, probably watching a movie with my partner. 

11. If you could recommend a book or television show to anyone reading this, what would it be? 

I’ll cheat and say A Song of Ice and Fire / Game of Thrones (since it’s both lol). The books are amazing. I’m only part way through them, but they’re very good books! But I also recommend the series because some characters were better portrayed in the series than the books (especially some of the women...) and vice versa. 

Other books, I really like Deadly Web by Barbara Nadel, anything to do with the Alien series (there’s so many books!), The Simple Art of Not Giving a Fuck was a brilliant and enlightening read also.

[creaturebehavior]

to the tune of genie in a bottle, but the song is about my cat:

if you wanna stink with me

just be careful what you say

im a stinky in a bottle, gotta pet me the right way

[hungergames-fanfic]

Uncle Amos

“And who is this youngin’?”, a wrinkly burnt old man says to momma Bilmin. She’s daddy’s momma. Really tall and skinny, very pretty for an old lady. She’s always smiling and giving people food.

“You stink”, I say.

“Isadora Francis Wyetka!”, momma Bilmin snaps at me, “I’m sorry about that John”.

“Naw that’s alright, so used to workin’ in the factory I can’t smell it on me no more”, the ugly man smiles showing off his yellow teeth.

“Momma, is hot”, I say moving my long hair off my shoulder. I don’t like my hair. It’s so long. For what? And why is my hair curly but daddy and mama Bilmin’s hair is straight?

I stand up, fix my poofy pink dress and walk over to daddy. He’s at the front of the carriage because he drove us here. I don’t know where we are but this place is huge. I’m gonna ask daddy a bunch of questions.

“Daddy, why is my hair curly?”.

“Ya mama got curly hair”, he says dusting his cowboy hat. Daddy is big and tough! He’s strong and taller than momma Bilmin! He’s darker than her too, but that’s because he’s always outside.

“Daddy, where are we?”

“We’re in Littleburg, we goin’ to the Plaza”

“Why does momma stay here by herself?”

“Cause she hands out bread”

“Why?”

“Cause people ain’t as lucky, they don’t be havin’ food at home”

“Why?”

“That’s how things are around here, Dora, now quit askin’ so many questions”

“Daddy, why we goin’ to the Plaza”

He lets out a long breath and hops off the carriage. “It’s reaping day, c’mon”, he says and helps me off.

“Momma you good?”, daddy asks momma Bilmin.

“Ain’t gotta worry bout none, Polomir, I’ll keep an eye on her”, the stinky old man says.

“And who gon keep an eye on you?”, daddy and the stinky man smile.

All around us are people walking to the Plaza, where daddy says we’re going. They walk in the middle of the street, but people don’t do that on normal days. That’s what sidewalks are for. There are stores everywhere but a lot of them look closed.

“Daddy what’s goin’ on?”, I ask.

Daddy is about to answer when a funny, dirty looking man comes stumbling to us.

“Wyetka!”, he screams and wobbles. He hiccups and holds his chest, “how bout you spare a coin for an old beggar, huh?”.

“So you can spend it on booze? Naw, Philip”, daddy says. Now that I think about it, he smells like alcohol.

“Oh, yeah?”, Philip says leaning back almost falling. He smiles and looks at me. He points, “this ya first born, huh? How old are ya kid?”.

“Six”, I say.

“Take a step back Philip, you talk to my kid and I’ll pop ya right in the mouth”, daddy says. All I can do is stare at them both.

“You got it good little girl, don’t go killing yaself like dear old uncle Amos”, he laughs but not for long. Daddy lets go of my hand, grabs him by his collar and punches him in the face. Philip lands on the floor and stays there. People come to help him but daddy takes my hand and pulls me away.

“Wow!”, I say. “Daddy that was crazy! Pow!”, I laugh punching the air just like him. “Teach me how to fight like that!”. I’ve always wanted just like daddy.

He stops walking and turns to look at me very serious. He looks mad. “Don’t you go tellin’ ya momma bout this, and don’t be askin’ who Amos is”.

I wanna ask who Amos is now.

The long, hot, boring day finally ends and I wake up on my bed. Daddy must of carried me to my room when I fell asleep on the way home.

Out the window, I see him outside petting the big horned bull. I named him Bully because he’s a bull. Daddy says I need to be careful around Bully cause he doesn’t know his own strength but when I go out and play, Bully likes to play too.

It’s too hot to play outside today so I’m in my room. It’s big and I have a lot of toys. I have books too. I like to read. Momma Bilmin says I’m gonna be smart when I grow up.

I play with my toys, a pink plastic car and a rubber doll I named Jack. She looks like a girl but I cut her hair so that makes her a boy. I sit Jack inside the plastic car and have him drive around the walls all over the house. To scare momma Bilmin I run into the kitchen and put the car on the floor. As hard as I can, I kick it so it looks like Jack is driving but instead the car flips and Jack flies out. He lands on momma Bilmin’s shoulder.

She stops what she’s doing, puts her hands on her hip and gives me a look. She’s mad.

“Momma, who’s Amos? Daddy told me not to ask but that only made me wanna ask”, I wait for her to laugh but she doesn’t.

Momma Bilmin stares at me, folds her arms and leans her hip on the counter. She’s thinking about what to say, but is thinking too long.

“Do you know who he is?”, I ask.

The front door closes and momma’s heels make noise with every step she makes. She’s my real momma and she’s the prettiest woman in the world! She’s not skinny like everyone else, daddy calls her an hourglass and is always hugging and kissing her. Yuck!

Her hair is curly and brown just like mines, and her skin is brown too. Her eyes are light brown and when she paints her lips she makes them brown too.

“Bilmin, what’s wrong?”, momma asks.

My heart beats fast when I see momma Bilmin’s red eyes. She’s gonna cry.

“I’m sorry momma, I ain’t mean to hit you”, I apologize and cry. If daddy finds out I made momma Bilmin cry he’s going to spank me. I don’t want a spanking.

Momma walks over to momma Bilmin and puts her hand on her shoulder. They whisper to one another and momma walks over to me.

“Esperanza, don’t tell Polomir”, momma Bilmin says when momma grabs my arm and takes me to my room.

“Momma please don’t hit me, I’m sorry”, “no one is gonna hit you Dora. I just wanna talk”, she says sitting me on my bed.

“Who told you bout Amos?”, she asks.

“A drunk man told me not to kill myself like Amos”, I say. I don’t tell her daddy punched him. She still makes her eyes big.

“Dora, Amos is Bilmin’s brother. He died before you were born and talkin’ bout him hurts grandma very much. In this house we don’t talk about him, ok? People gonna say a lot of things to you bout him, but don’t listen to anythin’ they say. They didn’t know him so they don’t know the truth”.

“What’s the truth?”, I ask.

“What did I say?”, she asks.

“We not supposed to talk bout him?”.

“That’s right”.

[catchthesedankfics-blog]

OtaYuri - Thinkin’ Out Loud

Pairing: Otabek Altin x Yuri Plisetsky

Warnings: none really, emotions and kissing

Word Count: 1675

A/N: Written for @otayurism because I enjoy writing for people and they seem nice enough to write for <3

Summary: Otabek and Yuri get some practice time in together, which leads to an improv pairskate with lots of dips and kisses, done to only the best song for fluff and deep love; Thinkin’ Out Loud.

Yuri took Otabek’s hand as Ed Sheeran’s voice echoed throughout the rink, dragging him out into the middle of the ice. Otabek skated circles around Yuri a few times, stopping in front of him and placing his right hand on Yuri’s waist, Yuri placing his left on Otabek’s shoulder.

Two cold hands landed delicately upon the wall around the skating rink. Yuri looked down at his reddened fingers, wishing he had brought his gloves instead of leaving them behind in an excuse to hold hands with Otabek.

“I think that was one of your better run-throughs.” Yuri looked up slowly at the comment. He and Otabek had chosen this day to go to the rink at the same time to practice together unlike previous days when they had come separately in order to minimize distraction.

Otabek skated gracefully up behind Yuri, wrapping his arms around his waist in a gentle hug. Yuri allowed his eyes to close, letting his head fall back. “What would you say to hot chocolate and maybe a movie tonight?” The Kazakh man offered, laying his sharp chin against one of the blonde’s shoulders. A smile crept its way onto Yuri’s face as he turned in Otabek’s arms. “Well?”

Yuri pretended to be thinking, bring a hand up to play with his own hair, twirling a small strand in between his thumb and index finger. “Hmm...what movie?” The shorter male tilted his head, attempting to keep his smile at bay, failing horribly.

“Viking?” Otabek let on a small smirk, letting out a short laugh at Yuri’s eyeroll. “I know, that one was pretty horrible...how about 28 Panfilovtsev?” When the smaller skater seemed interested, Otabek nodded shortly. “Alright. Guess it’s a date then, hm?”

“I suppose it is.” Yuri slowly traced his hands up Otabek’s arms, humming and looking over to where their shared speaker was playing a new song. “Come.”

Yuri took Otabek’s hand as Ed Sheeran’s voice echoed throughout the rink, dragging him out into the middle of the ice. Otabek skated circles around Yuri a few times, stopping in front of him and placing his right hand on Yuri’s waist, Yuri placing his left on Otabek’s shoulder. The linked their other hands, Otabek pulling Yuri in so his head was rested on his chest. They gently pushed around the rink like this for awhile, skating quietly together while pressed warmly against one another. Otabek pulled back, hooking his hands around Yuri’s waist, lifting him into the air, smiling with the other man and placing a soft kiss to his cheek as he brought him down.

Otabek sang to Yuri as they skated in circles, hands held tightly, “Darling I, will, be lovin’ you till we’re seventy…” He spun the other boy. “And baby my, heart, could still fall as hard at twenty-three…”

Yuri followed with the next set of lyrics, allowing Otabek to dip him, then spin him up and back into his arms. “I’m thinkin’ bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand…” He spread his arms out like wings, one knee bent as he was lifted off of the ice and into the frigid air.

This time, they sang together. “Well, me I fall in love with you every single day...and I just wanna tell you I am…”

Otabek brought his lover down, dipping so far down that he was almost laying across the ice, but he brought him up in the last second, letting his soft voice ring out for his Yuri and singing  as passionately as he skated. He spun with the Russian, running his hands lovingly through the longer blonde hair, eyes closed and cheeks rosy. He watched Yuri’s toned leg come up behind him, toe as pointed as he could get it with skates on. Otabek could hardly stop his hand from running down his muscled thigh, wrapping his fingers around his shin, pushing the leg as far as he knew it could go. He let the thinly-clothed leg come back down, tracing his hands back up to his partner’s body to his face.

As the song ended, he pulled Yuri in, cuddling him up to his own chest. The two of them panted softly together, both moving in for a gentle kiss. Yuri brought his hands up, reaching to fix Otabek’s flopped over hair.

“I think I love you too much, Yura…” Otabek breathed softly against Yuri’s lips, bringing him close. As Otabek lead him toward the exit of the rink, Yuri dug his skate into the ice to attempt to stop him.

“Beka. There is no such thing as too much love.” Yuri reached up, one hand on Otabek’s shoulder, the overwhelming love filling his chest, his head, his stomach, everything feeling too hot right now.

Otabek shook his head, smiling at Yuri and gently lifting him off of the ice, walking off, latching the opening behind himself and making his way toward the locker room. “Come on, Yurochka. I’m looking forward to that movie.”

Once inside the locker room, Otabek sat down, removing his skates from sore feet, hissing quietly in pain. Yuri changed rather quickly, throwing on some comfortable sweats and a sweater over his work-out clothes. He sat down in front of Otabek, taking his sock-covered foot into his lap.

“Yura, my feet probably stink-”

“I don’t care!” Yuri snapped, taking great care in rubbing the Kazakh’s sore foot. “Stinky or not, you don’t deserve hurt feet…” He mumbled softly, massaging one foot, then the other, Otabek sighing in pleasure and doing his best not to slide off of the bench he had been on. As Yuri did that, he slipped on his sweater, cheeks tinged pink from remembering their little improvised pair skate routine.

“...eka…”

The way he held his Yura, the way he dipped him and hugged him close whenever he felt the music tell him to.

“Beka!”

Otabek snapped back to reality, looking down at his young lover.

“Put your shoes on. I want to go home.” Yuri stood, letting Otabek adjust to his new height in shoes before pulling him along to wear Otabek parked the bike.

“I think you are just craving some hot chocolate.” Otabek snuck his hand down to slip into Yuri’s back pocket. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

Yuri jumped slightly at the hand against his butt, but it was truly innocent affection, so he let it slide.

Yuri was mostly silent on the way home, relaxing even in the cold air of Moscow. He breathed in the faint scent of musk that Otabek still had attached to him from working out, ran his fingers over the leather jacket his boyfriend wore, peeped around to watch Otabek’s focused face. It wasn’t a long ride home, but with watching the world go by and focusing on minute details of his partner, it made the bike ride seem just a little longer.

As Otabek pulled up and parked, kicking out the kickstand and helping his dear boy off, he had a slight smile about his face. “Head inside, I’ll be in in a sec.” Yuri nodded, complying with his request and walking into their shared home. He stood around awkwardly for a moment, lifting one of his talkative cats off the floor and greeting it with gentle nuzzles and pets, setting it down once more and deciding to heat up some milk for their coco. Otabek soon came inside, dusting snow off of himself and hanging his coat up.

“Kitchen.” Yuri spoke softly, but loud enough for Otabek to hear where he was, poking his head out from behind the door frame.

“Here. I forgot to give you this earlier in the morning before practice.” Otabek practically stomped over with his heavy boots, handing Yuri a small box. “I love you.” He bent forward, kissing Yuri’s head and heading into the kitchen to finish making their hot chocolate. Yuri opened his tiny gift, grinning wide at the itty bitty tiger pendant on a gold chain. The younger male quickly turned on his sore heel, all but skipping to Otabek and wrapping his arms around his torso. Otabek couldn’t help but laugh, wrapping an arm around Yuri’s shoulders.

“Here, let me put it on you…” Otabek took the chain, letting Yuri turn around and lift up his gorgeous hair. He traced a cold finger along the connection of his neck and shoulder while bringing the chain up, causing Yuri to shiver as the chain was latched at the back of his neck. “There…” Yuri turned back around, adjusting the chilled chain. “You look beautiful, my love…” Otabek marveled at his good-looking man for a moment, kissing his cheek and tending to the chocolate again.

“Why don’t you go set up the movie and some blankets, and I’ll finish up here.” Otabek offered to Yuri, watching the younger nod and walk off with a smile planted on his lips.

It wasn’t much longer before Yuri had curled up on the couch, resting his head against a body pillow and wrapped up in several blankets. He was watching the home screen of 28 Panfilovtsev play over and over, dozing off a few times until he heard boots being kicked off, then was surprised with Otabek flopping down with a heavy sigh beside him.

“Ready? This has a decently high rating, I think you’ll like it. Here, sweetie.” Otabek winked subtly, handing his beautiful lover a cup of nice and hot coco. “I even added some cinnamon, just how you like it.” Otabek leaned over, kissing the side of Yuri’s tired head. He sweetly whispered against his ear, “I won’t be upset if you fall asleep during the movie, just don’t spill that hot drink all over us.” He chuckled mostly to himself, starting the movie and wrapping an arm around the other. As Yuri sipped, he felt more content than he ever had in years.

Sitting beside the one he loved, watching a decent movie on a more than decently sized television, curled up with a warm cat, a warm drink, and a warm fuzzy blanket. He glanced up once more at Otabek, setting his drink down and curling closer to him and closing his eyes. Nothing in his life would ever come above this moment.

Not a single thing.

[shinyfairy]

20271

this is not a special number at all but i forgot i was gona do a 20k post thing woops

dont ask how i managed to forget 270 posts in it just happened ok

ANYWAY

@allthosepacheeks ur the bomb.com and actually i love you to bits holy fuck you mean the world to me and im rlly glad we’re less busy n can hang out agian omg ive missed u so much ily ily ily im so excited to see you again and itll b so cool to b able to hug and shit man i miss u

@m0ngoose ily! david i hope ur havin a rlly good day bc u deserve a good 1 also tell ur mom i say hi also aslo i hope celia is doin ok too shes rad also also also we should play a video games together sometime again like when ur not so busy w school n stuff ok ily and u mean a lot to me my dude thank u for always bein there and being rlly nice and posi vibes as fuck dude i lov ya

@ michelle u dont hav tumblr yet thats ok ur an adult now make 1 also m love u?? thank u  for being there for me all the time and for puttin up with my dum jokes nad whatever lov u a lot n thanks for bein a rlly good good friend n puttin me in a good mood always i apprecaite u so much my guy lov u so much

@bigidiotbitch ,,,,,,emily ur m y big fav love u a lot n ur pets r great and u r great and i lov ur sense of humor u make me laugh a lot and i think abt kofi aromo all the time and work in the coffee aisle and i lose my shit thank u for being a rlly good pal and i just rly appreciate u bein around man i lov u so much wtf also ty for sending music somtimes im love rly wanna meet u for real somtime!!!

@fnnwttrock henlo u stinky lizer i lov u a lot and m rly excited 2 go to gaga w/u also bls come back to work here ur place stinks and ours rocks anyway i love u n m sory we dont hang out as much now i was gona say we need 2 watch beauty and the beast together but u did that already oop but i lov u u loser also ur gr8

@dekvtree celia! how r u hop ur doin ok hop roman is ok i lov ur style n ur so pretty like,,,, always wtf man lov u also i hope work is goin ok an stuff and ur a real cool person rlly good cool guy certified good boy tht u

@oriionsbelt :C miss u

@mexicanfood420 i hope you’re doin well

[emifishwaffle]

Underappreciated Birds Shoutout

There are a lot of bird species out there who are underappreciated because they’re ‘common’ or ‘filthy’ or some other such garbage. So I wanna talk about some of the more underappreciated and show that they’re all real bros.

Pigeon

Probably by far the most underappreciated. I frequently see kids trying to chase them and kick them, and sometimes see adults attempting to kick them. Meanwhile these small pidge friends just want your love (and crumbs). Everything people complain about pigeons is stuff that they’re responsible for, minus poop. As for poop getting on everything? Gtf over it. It’s just pigeon poop. Your entire life wasn’t ruined because one day you got a little on your favourite jacket. Hate the fact that they fly at your face? Yeah, I bet you look like a real hero flailing around like an airborne jellyfish. They’re not gonna hit you. Unless they do, in which case it’s gonna hurt them way worse than it does you. They don’t want to get close to your stinky human face. Except they kinda do, because they love you, and pigeons are cuddle monsters. Love them back, they deserve it.

Chicken

We eat chickens and their eggs, and a lot of people when they see pet chickens are like “So when you gonna eat them?” or just assume you only keep them around for their eggs. For the latter, roosters are completely useless as pets. Y’know, except for every rooster I’ve seen which range in personality from cuddle buddy to I WILL END YOU. Not to say hens aren’t exactly the same. A chicken will not hesitate to take you down if you give it reason to. These birds demand respect. If you don’t give it, you might end up at the wrong end of their claws.

Magpie

This one is more in the UK I guess. For some reason... people absolutely hate magpies. The excuse I always hear is that they’re always raiding nests and are responsible for the decrease in population of so many bird species. Meanwhile, everyone’s cats are totally being nice and not laying a paw on a single featherball, because they are completely beloved and would never hurt a bird. But hey, I digress. Magpies are extremely intelligent. They have problem-solving skills that a bunch of humans I’ve met would fail at. Fortunately, the hatred seems to be dying down for them as their intelligence becomes more well known and it’s now known that they’re NOT the cause of the bird decline.

Vulture

Oh nooo, it only eats dead things and it’s bald and gross and ew. Yo, number one, they’re bald because if they weren’t THEN it’d be gross. D’you really want a stinky bird covered in matted rot-clogged feathers? And number two, you may just owe vultures your freaking life. They are so essential it’s ridiculous. Rather than being disgusting, those guys are cleaning up rotting carcasses for your sorry ass so that you don’t end up diseased. Animals die. A lot. Without our good bird friends out there to do the dirty work, that shit would pile up to the point where everything gets diseased and stinks worse than a bowel movement after a dodgy meal. May not be such a big deal now with how humans live in cities and stuff, but think back to our older human societies and how vital disease-free water is for example.

Seagull

Seagulls are... uh...

...seagulls...

...

...okay yeah, seagulls are assholes. At least they look happy when they’ve nicked your food. That’s nice I guess?

[newstanmarshblog]

The Average and Unusual Couple: Chapter Ten

   About almost ninety minutes later after all of his friends had left from his birthday party, Stan is about to get ready to head over to the Netherworld to see what special gift that Beetlejuice and Lydia has gotten for him. But before he makes his trip, he checks out with his parents one more time to be sure that they won’t bother him for the rest of the night.

   Stan: Hey, mom. I just wanna say thank you once again for the PS5, and making this birthday as memorable as possible.

   Sharon: Aww, thank you, sweetie. I’m sorry that your father wasn’t as corroborative as I hoped he would’ve been. I tried my best to get him in being a supportive father just for today, but he just won’t budge from his Tegridy obsession.

   Stan: It’s alright, mom. You did everything that you could. And besides, all the gifts that I received and having my friends over here outweighs his terrible attitude.

   Sharon: I’m glad to hear that. And do you need any help in setting up your PS5 tomorrow?

   Stan: Nah, I think I can handle it myself. But if I ever need you, I’ll let you know.

   Sharon: Well, I’m all free tomorrow just to let you know.

   Stan: Okay. Anyway, I’m about to head into my room for the rest for the night. I wanna check out some of my gifts before I get to bed.

   Sharon: Sounds good then. Good night, sweetheart. And happy birthday.

   Stan: Good night, mom. And thank you so much for everything today.

   He gives his mother one last hug, and then walks upstairs into his room. As he got in, everything was set up for him to make his visit to the Netherworld. His window curtains was shut, and has a candle sitting on his desk. After lighting up the candle, the last thing Stan does was putting on his new T. Rex necklace that Lydia has gotten him recently. He wanted to wear something a little extra for now on whenever he visits the Netherworld, and he thought the necklace would be a perfect fit for that role.

   Stan: Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary! Ghostly hauntings I turn loose…Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

   Much like from his first experience, a huge thunder sound is heard, the wooden walls of the room tears itself apart, and becomes stone walls. The candle disappears, and some bats begins to fly around in the same large room that he and Lydia has been teleported too before. Afterwards, he opens up the door that enters him into the Netherworld, and it only takes him about a few minutes to reach to the Roadhouse. Over there waiting for him were Beetlejuice, Lydia, and a living yellowish car that was Doomie.

   Stan: Hi, guys!

   Beetlejuice: Stanny boy, happy birthday! 

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Lydia: I see that you’re already wearing that T. Rex necklace.

   Stan: Yeah, I thought that I would give it a shot as a little extra something to wear whenever I visit here.

   Lydia smiling: I think it really suits you pretty well. Being the true prehistoric buff that you really are.

   Stan smiling: Thanks.

   Beetlejuice: Tell me quickly, Stan, how would you rate your birthday party overall? Was it like a one out of five chickens that still has their heads, or a perfect five out of five chocolate themed beetles?

   Stan: Umm, from my point of view, it was a nearly perfect five star party with my dad being the only nitpick thing about it. And I don’t think you would’ve enjoyed my party anyway as we all mostly chit-chatted with each other instead of any dancing.

   Beetlejuice: Pfft, I figured. *talks to the reader* Non-wild parties, you know I hate it.

   Lydia: Well anyway, are you ready to find out about your final birthday present?

   Stan getting excited: Oh, hell yeah! I can’t wait to see what it is!

   Beetlejuice: In that case then, hop on aboard with us, and we’ll take you there way faster than a plane trip to Hawaii!

   Stan: Hold on a sec, this is a birthday trip?

   Lydia: That’s right. Me and BJ had this planned out for quite a while now ever since your first visit here. And the place we’re heading to will make you feel like a happy kid in a zoo.

   Beetlejuice: Let’s not waste anymore time, okay! I’ll like to head on over there as quickly as possible too. Let’s go!

   Beetlejuice sat on the driver seat while Stan and Lydia sit next to each other in the back.

   Beetlejuice: Okay, Doomero! Let’s ride on over there!

   Doomie: Beep, beep, beeeep!

   And without any extra thought, Doomie begins to drive fast for the trip to their destination.

   Stan: So, what is the place that we’re heading to? 

   Lydia: It’s one of a few large parks that the Netherworld has to offer, and it’s also the biggest one of them all. It’s called Extinction National Park.

   Stan: Extinction National Park? What kind of a park is it?

   Beetlejuice: It’s more like a wildlife preserve kind of a place, except this park holds every extinct plant and animal species that used to live on Earth. Its landmass is about the size of Australia and Antarctica put together, and it even has its own ocean.

   Stan: Holy shit! I didn’t ever think the Netherworld would never have such a place like that.

   Beetlejuice: Well, Heaven and Hell couldn’t accept any extinct animal as they usually take in people and domesticated animals. That’s why the big man himself created such a large continent just for them.

   Stan: What is it like over there?

   Beetlejuice: There’s no fences or anything like you see in a zoo as you get to explore freely anywhere in this huge park. It’s the ultimate prehistoric wild safari that’ll make Jurassic Park look like a petting zoo. And all the extinct species that you can imagine, you can find them all at Extinction National Park. Prehistoric marine animals, all the extinct mammals, and every single dinosaur that has ever lived!

   Stan excited: Fuck yeah! The kind of trip that is fully right in my alley! And how long will it take us to get over there?

   Beetlejuice: It’ll take us about thirty minutes to reach the ocean, and then it’ll be an hour fly across the open waters from the beach to our destination.

   Stan: I’ll try to get some sleep as much as I can for the time being. What about you, Lydia?

   Lydia: *yawns* I’m with you. I need as much sleep as I can get too.

   Beetlejuice: I’ll give you two a strong odor from me when we get there.

   Lydia: Promise us that it won’t smell too disgusting.

   Beetlejuice: I can’t make any promises, but I’ll come up with something. *uses his magic to place pillows behind their heads* Dream something gross for me.

   Both Stan and Lydia shut their eyes to get some sleep.

   Beetlejuice: *talks to the reader* Love may be the pits for me, but I ain’t gonna lie, they’re literally meant for each other. Just promise me that you won’t say that to them.

   After about over an hour and an half later since leaving the Roadhouse, Doomie was flying across the ocean as he and Beetlejuice sees a huge land dead ahead. And as they approach Extinction National Park, a couple pteranodons were flying by near them. One of the pteranodons gets too close to Doomie.

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Beetlejuice: Don’t worry, Doomie. I got something to let out that should scare him away.

   He lets out a huge sticky burp to the pterosaur. The pteranodon smells the disgusting burp, and flies away from them.

   Beetlejuice: Hmm, I still got some left in me. *chuckles* Time to wake them up.

   He lets out the remaining burps he had left, catches some of them with his hands, and then blows the stinky burps towards Stan and Lydia. They both smell the burp that causes them to wake up in a couple seconds.

   Stan: Ugh, something smells like a stink bug.

   Beetlejuice: That was because I had a small bag of stink bugs as a snack while we were traveling.

   Lydia: At least I can tolerate this kind of a smell unlike the stunk deodorant that you use.

   Stan: Oh my god! Lydia, look!

   Lydia turns to where Stan was looking at, and she sees them. A small group of pteranodons flying from a short distance away. They both reacted in such awe by seeing the type of natural sighting that the Earth itself has not seen in over 66 million years.

   Lydia excited: Deadly Vu! Actual pterosaurs right in front of our eyes!

   Stan: I can’t believe that I’m actually seeing them. They look so magnificent!

   Lydia uses her camera to take some pictures of the pteranodons.

   Beetlejuice: If you two thought that was cool, then take a look underneath you.

   Stan and Lydia take a look at the mass open water as they see a pod of marine animals that were dark shaded, and looked like something between a dolphin and a marlin.

   Stan excited: Ichthyosaurs! This is so awesome!

   Lydia: Aww, there’s even some juveniles within the pod. They look so adorable!

   While Lydia takes some pictures of them, one of the ichthyosaur takes a quick jump out of the water like a dolphin.

   Stan excited: Wow! They can jump just as good as dolphins!

   Lydia excited: Yeah, and they’re behaving similarity too despite of them being marine reptiles instead of mammals.

   Stan: This is definitely a wonderful example of convergent evolution right in front of our eyes.

   As Stan and Lydia were geeking out on seeing the ichthyosaurs pod, Doomie sees something approaching the pod that looked like a huge marine snake.

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Beetlejuice: Hmm. *sees the big marine animal* Oooh, looks like we’re about to see a hunt being carried out.

   Stan: A hunt? Then where’s the predator?

   Lydia: I see it! Pull over for a second, Doomie!

   Doomie stops flying, and is now floating so that way they can all see the hunt. The predator targets one of the juvenile ichthyosaur that was having a tough time keeping up with the rest of the pod. Stan looks closer to identify what type of animal it was. Its body looked so much like that of a snake, but it had front flippers, and at the end of its tail was a whale like fluke.

   Stan: It’s a basilosaurus.

   Lydia: Oh, yeah. The prehistoric whale that looks like a slender version of a mosasaur.

   Beetlejuice: Oh, thank god. For a moment I thought it a was a giant seaworm.

   The basilosaurus opens its jaws, and lunges them into the young ichthyosaur. As its teeth grips into its prey, the basilosaurus moves its head around for a bit, and then makes another bite into the ichthyosaur. The prey dies immediately from the second bite, and there was a lot of blood everywhere at the scene of the hunt. The prehistoric whale then swims away with its meal while leaving behind a trail of blood.

   Stan in shocked: My god. It feels so surreal to actually see that kind of a hunt in front of us instead of seeing it in a nature documentary.

   Lydia: Yeah, same. I just wish that the victim didn’t had to be that poor juvenile.

   Beetlejuice: That’s nature for ya, Babes. They don’t carry out any rules like how we all do. And frankly, that’s my most favorite thing about it.

   Doomie feeling unease: Awww.

   Lydia: I know it was hard to watch, Doomie, but that what happens in nature everyday. Let’s try to move on, and see what exciting things that this mega park has to offer, okay?

   Doomie: Beep!

   Doomie starts to fly again as they getting closer to Extinction National Park. About a minute later, they’ve finally made into land, and Doomie lands into an open field on the beach. Already they see some big scorpion like creatures hanging around.

   Beetlejuice: Well, well, looks like we got some sea scorpions.

   Stan: Or eurypterids as the paleo community calls them. Although sea scorpions is a pretty cool nickname for them, they’re not true scorpions. They mainly spend much of their lives in the sea, and only have to come into land during mating season and laying their eggs. And from what we’re seeing here, those guys must be laying eggs.

   Lydia excited: Nice! I’ve seen fossils of them during my trip at the Field Museum, and it’s so awesome to see them in person. Especially since arthropods are my favorite group of animals. Stan, can you take a picture of me with those eurypterids?

   Stan smiling: Sure!

   Both Stan and Lydia get out of Doomie, and head towards to where the eurypterids are at. Stan first takes a picture of Lydia with the eurypterids, and then Lydia does the same thing for Stan. And while Lydia takes a few close up pictures of the big arthropods, Beetlejuice does a staring contest with one of them.

   Beetlejuice: If I win, I’m gonna make a barbecue out off of ya. 

   The eurypterid uses one of its pincers to pinch Beetlejuice’s nose.

   Beetlejuice: Owwwww!! Let go of me, you fucking scorpion!

   He uses his hands to pull the arthropod’s pincer off of his nose, but his nose gets pulled off along with it.

   Beetlejuice frustrated: Give me that!

   He physically grabs his nose back from the eurypterid, and then puts his nose back on. He can feel the pinching pain on his nose.

   Beetlejuice: Next time, I’ll be sure to use duck tape. *magically holds a duck head with tape coming out from its mouth, and the duck makes a couple quacks*

   Stan: Come on, dude! We’re ready to see some dinosaurs!

   Beetlejuice: Keep your noses on, I’m coming!

   They begin to move within the huge park. Along the way, they drove by a big cotylorhynchus, some small pterosaurs, and some extinct horses. And as they get closer into the forest, they’ve spotted an interesting creature. It looked like some kind of a dog but with a long tail, and it had stripes on its back.

   Lydia: That must be the Tasmanian tiger. They were once the top predator of Tasmania until humans came into the island and wiped them out.

   Stan: It’s a shame that they’re no longer with us, but from the looks of him, he seems to be having a peaceful lifestyle here. I’m glad to see that at least. Hopefully the wolves in America won’t end up like him.

   Lydia: Agreed.

   Beetlejuice: That critter wouldn’t happened to be named Ty, would he? *turns himself into Ty the Tasmanian Tiger*

   Lydia: *laughs* I doubt it, but who knows.

   The Tasmanian tiger notices them, and for a few brief moments it was staring at them. And then after Lydia takes a quick picture of it, the small predator moves on into the forest.

   Stan: That was amazing. The way he was staring at us like that, reminds me a bit of a wolf.

   Lydia: Exactly what I was thinking too. They were also called a Tasmanian wolf due to how they behaved similarly to them despite on being a marsupial.

   Beetlejuice: And you know what, I’m also surprised that Doomie here didn’t go crazy during that moment. That critter really did looked like a dog after all.

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Lydia: The skull on his hood is also his nose, remember?

   Beetlejuice: Oh, right. I can’t believe that I actually forgotten about that.

   Stan: I didn’t know that you could smell, Doomie. You were able to tell that the Tasmanian tiger that we just saw was a marsupial instead of a dog?

   Doomie: Beep!

   Stan: *laughs a bit* Good to know then.

   They then drive on into the forest. There, they’ve encountered many different type of prehistoric animals such as a group of small planet eating dinosaurs call leaellynasaura, a small meat eating dinosaur call ornitholestes, and a huge ape call gigantopithecus. About a half hour later, they come across into an open field where there was some big trees, and a huge watering hole. And also in the open field were some of the largest animals to ever lived. The whole group couldn’t helped but gasped in awe by witnessing the type of natural beauty that’ll never happen on Earth.

   Lydia: Deadly Vu.

   Stan: Unbelievable.

   Beetlejuice: Even for a gross guy like myself, I gotta say, this is one hell of an awesome sighting.

   In the open field, there were many different type of dinosaurs such as a couple Argentinosaurus feeding on the big trees, a group of brontosaurus roaming in the field, a herd of parasaurolophus, some pachyrhinosaurus, and a single stegosaurus drinking at the watering hole. But dinosaurs weren’t the only animals in the area. Other extinct animals in the open field includes a large paraceratherium along with its young calf, a small group of lisowicia, and a traveling herd of Columbian mammoths.

   Stan: I’m a lost for words here. I’ve never ever seen anything like this in my entire life.

   Lydia: This is like the ultimate safari sighting unlike any other. A one of a kind that’ll never happen in human existence, and you and me are the very first living human beings to ever see it.

   Stan smiling: Well said, Lydia.

   Beetlejuice: Anyway, are you gonna take some unforgettable pictures, Lyds?

   Lydia excited: You bet your ass that I’m gonna be doing that, Beetlejuice! Let’s do it!

   Beetlejuice: Woah, I haven’t seen you this excited in quite a while, Babes. *talks to the reader* And you know me, I really fucking love it when she gets this excited! It makes things even more fun! *laughs*

   They start off by flying for some close up pictures of an Argentinosaurus eating from the large conifer tree, along with one picture of Beetlejuice sitting on top of the sauropod’s head. Followed by a couple pictures of the brontosaurus herd. Then took pictures of the Columbian mammoth herd, including a close up one of the little mammoth calves. And took pictures of the watering hole area where many animals including the parasaurolophus herd, the stegosaurus, and the paraceratherium were having their drinks. But Lydia wasn’t done taking pictures yet. She wanted to take some group photos next.

   Lydia: Okay, Stan. Since it’s your birthday, how about we start off by having a picture of you along with the animals in the background. 

   Stan smiling: Alright.

   Stan sets himself up by standing up while smiling towards the camera along with so many prehistoric animals such as Argentinosaurus, pachyrhinosaurus, and lisowicia in the background. Then Lydia gets a picture of herself with the brontosaurus herd. And finally a group picture of Dommie in the center along with Stan on the left side, Lydia on the right side, Beetlejuice floating above them in a lying pose, and the many prehistoric animals drinking at the watering hole in the background.

   Stan: You guys, this has been the most exciting birthday moment that I’ve ever had, and I don’t think anything else will ever top this moving forward. I can’t thank you all enough for giving me this kind of an adventure. I feel like the most happiest person in the Netherworld right now.

   And then suddenly without warning, they begin to hear stomping noise coming from the forest along with a sound of a loud booming noise.

   Doomie feeling nervous: Uh-oh!

   Beetlejuice: Sounds like the king himself has arrived to find his new meal.

   Lydia: King? You don’t mean it’s…it’s…

   Coming out of the forest was a dinosaur that they all knew too well. It was a very large bulky theropod dinosaur, with small arms that had two fingers each, big head with excellent binocular vision, and had banana shaped like teeth.

   Stan: Tyrannosaurus rex!

   Stan was having all types of reactions going on in his mind right now. On one hand, he was so extremely happy in finally seeing his all time favorite prehistoric animal in the fresh. So much in fact that he wanted to get up close to it really badly. But on the other hand, he also knew very well on how dangerous a T. Rex can be, and he needed to be cautious even though he’s afraid of being eaten. A Tyrannosaurus can run up to at least 17 mph, had wonderful eye vision, strong sense of smell, and its bite force is so powerful that its job was to crush bones within its prey. One bite, one kill.

   The T. Rex sniffs into the air to locate its next meal, and it didn’t take too long for the predator to find one. It spotted the group, and starts heading towards them.

   Lydia: Crap, it’s coming for us!

   They all up on abroad into Doomie.

   Stan: Take us out of here, dude!

   Doomie tries to get moving, but he’s not able to move for he had just ran out of his gas.

   Beetlejuice: Had to run out of gas at the wrong time, you bucket of bolt! Good thing I keep a fuel can in your trunk for situations like this.

   Lydia: You keep the T. Rex busy, while me and Stan get Doomie filled up.

   While Stan and Lydia go get the fuel can to fill up Doomie, Beetlejuice appears floating in front of the large predator. The T. Rex stops moving as soon as it sees Beetlejuice.

   Beetlejuice: Yo, Mr. Rex! I was thinking about putting on a new head to scare off my future victims. What do you think of this? *he transforms his head into a head of a spider with big fangs* Pretty scary, am I right?

   The T. Rex looks at Beetlejuice with a confused look on its face for a moment, and then heads toward him to make a bite out of him. He quickly flies backwards to avoid those deadly teeth.

   Beetlejuice: Not impressed, huh? Okay then, how about we put your nose to the ultimate test to see if you can withstand the most disgusting feet that the Netherworld has ever seen!

   He takes his shoes & socks off, revealing his filthy feet that was covered with rotten eggs, dead cockroaches, and dirty toe nails. The smell of Beetlejuice’s dirty feet goes into the T. Rex’s nose. The predator takes a few sniffs from the filthy smell, but the smell only encourages for the T. Rex to hunt down Beetlejuice.

   Beetlejuice: Aaaaahhhh!!!

   While Beetlejuice flies away from the large dinosaur, Stan was filling up Doomie with the fuel can and Lydia was sitting on the driver seat.

   Stan: Okay, that’s all of it. Give it a try.

   Lydia uses the car key to get Doomie running again, and as she does it, the motor was starting to work in full strength.

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Lydia: All right! Now, let’s get the hell out of here!

   Stan hops onto the front passenger seat, and then Doomie starts to fly into the sky.

   Stan: Beetlejuice, hop on!

   Beetlejuice: You got it! *turns his attention to the T. rex* It was fun talking with you while it lasted, but right now, I must be hopping off. *magically puts metal springs onto his feet, and then take a huge hop from the ground* Smell you later, big guy!

   He lands into the back seat of Doomie. And as he got in, Stan, Lydia, and Doomie all can smell Beetlejuice’s dirty feet.

   Lydia disgusted: Beetlejuice, put your shoes back on for us, would ya?

   Beetlejuice: Fine, but if something tries to attack us again, I’m taking them off. *he puts his shoes & socks back on*

   Meanwhile on the ground, the Tyrannosaurus rex turns its attention to the herbivorous animals, and moves towards them.

   Stan: Hold on a second, guys. I wanna see the T. Rex doing its hunt. Especially since it’ll be something that we’re probably never gonna see again.

   Lydia: Yeah, and I do want to take some pictures of the Rex before we leave. However, if that predator tries to kill a calf, we’re leaving no matter what. I just don’t want to see something so young getting killed again.

   Stan: I understand.

   As the gang watch from the safety up above, the T. Rex makes its pursue for a kill. First it tries to go after the parasaurolophus herd, but they were too fast for the large predator. Next it tries to go for the Columbian mammoth herd, but they put up an aggressive defense by forming a straight line with the calves behind them. The T. Rex knew better than trying to attack the large sauropods and an over protective paraceratherium mother. And the pachyrhinosaurus, and lisowicia herd were fully gone as soon as they saw the large dinosaur. The last animal in the area was the single stegosaurus. It was moving very slowly as it couldn’t run. The T. Rex locks its eyes into the plated dinosaur, and then moves towards it.

   Lydia: Looks like we’re about to see an epic fight here.

   Stan getting excited: Whoever wins, this fight will be worth remembering for the rest of our lives!

   Beetlejuice: It’s showtime! *pulls up a music player, and plays The Rite of Spring song from Fantasia*

   As the T. rex comes closer, the stegosaurus positions itself in full defensive mode to make sure that its thagomizer can get a good hit of the predator. The Tyrannosaurus stops close enough to be in a safe distance from those spikes, and the two are now in an intense stalemate. The T. Rex makes the first move by trying to make a bite in the legs, but stegosaurus swings its tail hitting the upper thigh, and the Rex backs off with only minor wounds. Next it try to move sideways in order to get a better shot in biting the neck, but the plated dinosaur was moving along with it, and the two stopped moving. The Tyrannosaurus then tried to get the stegosaurus move back by making a fake attack display, but the opponent hold its grounds and swings its tail again, almost hitting the predator’s head. The T. Rex decided to move backwards a little, and makes a head butting move against the stegosaurus. The predator successfully head butted its opponent before it had a chance to use those thagomizer again, and the stegosaurs falls into the ground. The tyrant lizard makes the final fatal blow by using its powerful bite into the stegosaurus’s neck, resulting in an immediate death. The Tyrannosaurus rex had won the battle, and begins to feast onto its prize.

   Beetlejuice: The king sure dose know how to put on a good show.

   Stan: That was so fucking awesome! Now that’s what I call an epic prehistoric fight for sure! Even way better than those shitty fights done in Jurassic Fight Club. Did you get some really good pictures, Lydia?

   Lydia: Not only did I get some really cool pictures of the T. Rex hunting, but I even video recorded the whole fight too.

   Stan: Nice! Be sure to send me that video whenever you can.

   Lydia: Sure thing.

   Stan: And by the way, since this is the second animal kill that’ve we seen in this trip, do they actually stay permanently dead for good unlike how the rest of the Netherworld works with its death rule?

   Beetlejuice: In Extinction National Park, whenever an animal dies, they’ll be reborn back into their juvenile body with their old memories wiped out, and have to start all over from scratch. In a nutshell, everything works here like a recycling routine. *turns himself into a recycling symbol*

   Stan: Interesting.

   Beetlejuice: So, Stanny boy, anywhere else in this mega park you like to visit? There’s a snowy area that has all the ice age animals such as woolly mammoths and cave lions, a swampy area where all the carboniferous giant insects live at, or even a desert area where you can see all the dinosaurs that once lived in the gobi desert. Actually, now that I think about it, let’s not go to any region that has deserts. I don’t want to be eaten up by any sandworm.

   Stan: I seriously would love to see them, but I need to be heading back home to get some sleep. It’s almost 1:30 am.

   Lydia: Me too. I plan on talking to Bertha and Prudence on Skype during the afternoon, and I don’t want to look tried in front of them.

   Beetlejuice: Yeah, I’m getting sleepy too. How about you, Doomero?

   Doomie: *yawns* Beep!

   Beetlejuice: You and I can sleepover at a cave in the nearby mountain that I know of.

   Lydia: Just be safe from any dangerous animals when you two leave in the morning.

   Beetlejuice: Don’t sweat it, Lyds. We’ve faced situations worse than this. Doomie and I will make it home without a scratch.

   Lydia: Okay then. And Stan, you must be feeling like a happy camper right now. *chuckles a bit*

   Stan smiling: Again, I can’t thank you all enough for giving me this unforgettable adventure. This will go down as the greatest birthday experience that I’ll ever have. And I’m so happy to have you all as a part of my life now.

   Lydia: I have a little extra gift that I want to give you before I leave. Can you close your eyes for a moment? 

   As Stan closes his eyes, Lydia suddenly gives him a kiss on his right cheek. Stan immediately blushes on having his very first kiss from a girl in serval years. He really didn’t expected for Lydia on making the first move to express their true feelings for each other.

   Lydia smiling: I’ll see you at school, Stan. Sleep well. Home, home, home! *she disappears*

   Beetlejuice: Well, well, looks like Lyds was trying to tell you that she loves you.

   Stan: *sign* I honestly didn’t think she would do something like that so soon before I had the chance to tell her about my feelings for her. I love Lydia very much, but I also want to tell her at the right moment without acting too quickly about it.

   Beetlejuice: Just do me a favor though, when you two convince your love for each other, don’t do it when I’m around because I find that kind of stuff too disgusting. *closes his eyes and sticks his tongue out*

   Stan: Umm, okay. But anyway, thank you for the exciting adventure, BJ. And same goes to you too, Doomie.

   Doomie: Beep, beep!

   Stan: Have a good night sleep, you two. Home, home, home!

   He is then teleported back to his bedroom, and everything still remains as the way he left them.

   Stan: I can’t believe that she kissed me in a way to say that she loves me without even saying a single word about it. That was totally unexpected.

   While getting himself ready for bed, he was thinking about on when to tell her that he loves her too. Then he remembers that he and Lydia are planning on going to a Halloween party together along with Beetlejuice that’s gonna be held at the South Park community center. And then when the two are truly alone together during Halloween night, he’ll finally make his move to convince his love for her.

   Stan: I’ll tell her on Halloween night. Especially since it’s her favorite night of the year, it’ll be the right timing for it. I’m gonna make damn sure that it’ll be the best Halloween night that she’ll ever have.

   He then heads into his bed, and closes his eyes to get a good night sleep.

   In the next chapter, Stan and Lydia have some fun at the Halloween party, and convince their true feelings for each other.

[beardeddragontank]

Do Bearded Dragons Smell? Can You Do Something About It?

If you get a new pet, you wanna make sure that you don´t get a little stink bomb, right? So do bearded dragons smell? And if yes, can you do something about it or do you have to just accept it?

Bearded dragons are like the most other reptiles odor-free. Their bodies literally smell like nothing. However, a bearded dragon´s feces can smell pretty badly and if you don´t clean the cage frequently it seems like the bearded dragon stinks, even though it is just the tank it is living in that stinks.

Does that really mean that bearded dragons never smell? Can you do something about the smell of their feces? What can you do to make sure that it always smells good in your house even though you have a bearded dragon?

Do Bearded Dragons Smell?

As I said, bearded dragons do not smell at all. A bearded dragon´s body produces almost no waste and bearded dragons do not sweat like we humans do. So they don´t produce any fluids that could smell badly.

Humans start to sweat if they need to cool down their body during sports or if it is too hot outside. Bearded dragons and other reptiles are completely different here.

Bearded dragons are cold-blooded, which means that their body functions rely on an external heat source. In the wild, that would be the sun and warm stones bearded dragons like to lie on.

So to raise its body temperature a bearded dragon will lie in the sun or lie on a warm stone (or both). However, a bearded dragon doesn´t sweat to regulate its body temperature when it feels that it gets too hot.

Bearded dragons have to move out of the sun and away from too hot places then. In shaded and cooler places, the bearded dragon´s body temperature will drop slowly until it needs to heat up in the sun again.

Further, bearded dragons have a mechanism that is very similar to human sweating. Since bearded dragon can´t afford to lose a lot of water in the dry woodlands of Australia, they just open their mouths to regulate their body temperature.

By opening their mouths they prevent their bodys from overheating.

So does it smell if bearded dragons open their mouths? Actually, I was never close enough to smell that, but I have never noticed any smell while my bearded dragon was basking with an open mouth.

Besides all that, bearded dragons do not shed all the time like we humans do. While human shedding (all the time) actually can produce a different smell, shedding in reptiles (once in a month or so) does not really smell. The dead skin falls of quickly and most of the times in one go.

They Don´t Mark Their Territory

Unlike a lot of mammals, bearded dragons do not mark their territory with odors. In the wild, male bearded dragons have a small territory which they defend they whole day by scaring off intruders with body language or even with actual fights.

Why Does My Bearded Dragon Smell So Bad?

So how can bearded dragons smell bad when I already said above that they are odor-free? While it is correct that they are odor-free, it does not mean that they always smell like nothing.

Actually, a bearded dragon will smell like the environment it is living in and that is a very important topic.

I don´t mean that your bearded dragon will smell like roses if you put a bunch of roses in its terrarium (okay, I never actually tried). I am talking about bad smells here and those smells are produced by feces, uneaten food and old and filthy substrate.

If your bearded dragon is crawling through that old and filthy substrate the whole day, it will smell like the filthy substrate eventually. That is just normal.

While most people give their bearded dragon baths to “clean” them, I think this is the complete wrong thing to do. It is like treating symptoms, but not caring about the root of the problems.

I mean, you can bathe your bearded dragon, but normally it is not necessary to do that. I have written a complete article on that, if you want to learn more about giving bearded dragons a bath, click here.

However, instead of bathing your bearded dragon on a regular base, you should just clean its tank on a daily base.

This has three benefits:

Your bearded dragon will not smell anymore and you will not have to give it a bath on a regular base.

Your bearded dragon cage will not smell anymore and this also means that your house will not smell like bearded dragon cage anymore.

You will reduce bacteria inside the cage immensely which decreases the risk of sickness in your bearded dragon.

Cleaning a bearded dragon´s tank on a daily base does not require much of your time.

In fact, I wrote an article where I answer the question if bearded dragons are a lot of work. I show you in this article how much time keeping bearded dragons consumes. It is not a lot. Click here to learn that bearded dragons are not a lot of work.

Frequently Asked Questions

There are a lot of different questions people have when it comes to stinky bearded dragons. Below you find the most common questions on this topic.

Do Bearded Dragons Smell When They Shed?

No, bearded dragons do not smell while they are shedding. While the skin they get rid of is dead, it does not produce any odor.

How Bad Does Bearded Dragon Poop Smell?

Depending on what the bearded dragon ate before, a bearded dragon´s poop can smell horrible and one could compare it to the smell of human feces. However, it still smells a little bit worse than human feces.

Why Does My Bearded Dragon Smell Like Poop?

Sometimes bearded dragons crawl through their own feces by accident. The dung sticks to the bearded dragon´s body and often times only a bath can help to get rid of that smell.

Why Does My Bearded Dragon Smell Like Pee?

Bearded dragons that have to live in a very filthy tank can smell like dung and pee. That is because there is a lot of bacteria inside the tank which produces a bad smell. The feces, uneaten food and filthy substrate stick to the bearded dragon´s body and make it stink.

Why Does My Bearded Dragon Smell Like Fish?

As long as you have not fed your bearded dragon fish, your bearded dragon most probably smells like feces which comes from a filthy tank.

If your tank is clean, maybe there is rotting salad or feces in a spot you cannot see. Try to find what produces the fishy smell and remove it.

Why Does My Bearded Dragon´s Vivarium Smell?

A bearded dragon´s vivarium should be cleaned on a regular base. The water bowls and food bowls should be cleaned with hot water daily. Uneaten food, whether it be greens or insects have to be removed on a daily base, just like dung. The substrate has to be changed completely from time to time. By doing this your vivarium will always smell nice.

Conclusion

Bearded dragons do not really smell bad. Their feces can smell like hell though.

That is why it is extremely important to femove the feces as soon as you see them. This will reduce the smell immensely.

Also keep in mind that you have to clean the bearded dragon cage on a daily base.

So do bearded dragons smell? No, beardies are odor-free, but their feces are not

Leave a comment if you have any questions!