hi all!
as some of you know i take small breaks to focus on my professional writing endeavors. currently i’m starting a new story that is targeted towards the end of the cusps of college aged students. so 18-21.
my question is, this is [could be] considered a YA category. i was wondering as a young lesbian, did you ever wish there was more sexual representation in books when you were a young reader? not erotica but maybe things that could help you navigate intimacy in same sex relationship. please use the poll and feel free to comment down below.
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Sorry if this is too much also, but I’m a teenage virgin who is only attracted to women… but I’m terrified about the sex portion of it?? Idk eating someone out doesn’t seem pleasant and I don’t know how to pleasure anyone. (Strap on’s are a no). Would it genuinely be feasible that I could be a butch pillow princess?? I don’t know. I want to one day sexually touch someone and I know there’s more than just eating someone out and strap on’s, but I don’t know what to think atm
Honestly it's important for you and all teenagers to remember that there's still plenty of time for you all to grow up to become the full version of yourself. And then even as as adults you'll still be learning new little things about yourself, that's just life. It's absolutely normal to be terrified of the sexual part of your attraction to women, you're young and no matter of "everybody needs to be comfy with sex as soon and as much as possible" culture exists now it won't erase the fact that teenagers still aren't psychologically ready for all of that. All I will say is that I was just like you.
Still yes it is possible to be a butch pillow princess. Sex has nothing to do with the presentation you have, you can prefer whatever sexual act and/or dynamic and this won't read on your face/style. Don't worry too much, it's normal to have these thoughts as a teenage lesbian, with time you will learn more about all there is to know. Xx
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Here's some lesbian characters and their children.
The black she-cat with a forehead diamond is Coralstar, leader of PebbleClan, and the golden she-cat is her Deputy/Daughter figure, Yewriver, the second picture is Copperfoot (chocolate and red she-cat) and Stormstripe (blue she-cat) and their tom-kit the two adopted, and the third pic is Coralstar and her mate, Daffodilwhisker.
Coralstar is 117 moons
Daffodilwhisker is 113 moons
Yewriver is 26 moons
Copperfoot is 15 moons
Stormstripe is 16 moons
And the tom-kit is 2 moons old
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
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saw this shirt and thought it was very amanda young coded
(i’ve decided to use my art twitter more, so you can support me there if you’d like! same @ as here)
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I'm struggling with being gay. My location is becoming more homophobic and I live in a family that wouldn't be fine with me coming out. Finding out I'm a lesbian was my worst fear, but since I found out I was never bi, there's no forgetting about this realization. I wish I never knew it or that I could somehow change it, but I know I can't. I can't control the fact that I only like guys aesthetically but don't see myself with them at all. I'm not attracted to their parts at all. I like them as friends and no more than that. While girls are another topic. I can't help liking them, talking to some of my friends who are wlw about it is always the greatest pleasure. I just wish I could stop feeling guilty and bad about it.
It's always a feeling of doom when you know this about yourself but are young and living with your parents. I suppose even more if they're closed-minded, you feel trapped and like nothing good will happen to you. However know that you won't feel like this forever, with age and independence come more freedom, more boldness, the strength to live your life regardless of your parents' judgement (whether they know and you don't care about what they say or you chose not to tell them while still living your lesbian life), more confidence. You will get there too. Xx
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