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[missadangel]

The Heart of Rome (Marcus Acacius x Reader)

yeeey my new fanfic, welcome all <3 couldn't wait till second trailer lool

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(Marcus Acacius x Reader)

Summary:  You are a secret medicus (a psychian), who embarks on a dangerous path to heal General Marcus Acacius, wounded during the war, but there is a secret, you think you're an orphan, but you're wrong. You're actually, the daughter of the previous emperor. Everyone thinks your'e dead long ago. But even you don't know anything about this and everything you knew is about to change.

Rating: Mature, 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 37,354 for now :)

Warnings: falling in love, slow burn, rough sex, smut, sex, violence, blood, ancient time language, fluffy, injury

Notes:  This is my second fanfiction, my english better now hope you all like my story, my chapters will be looong, so have fun :)

Chapter 1: Heal the Heart 

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, nescio. Sed fieri sentior et excrucior.  I love you and I hate you.  Why I do this, I have no idea.  But I feel it happening and I’m in agony. [Catullus]

Following the conquest of Egypt and its incorporation into the Roman Empire, there was a growing interest in its ancient culture. Over time, many in Egypt began to express a desire for greater autonomy and control over their own affairs. Dissatisfaction with Roman control over Egypt became part of the Egyptian psyche.

This is precisely why, immediately after the death of Emperor Septimius Severus, preparations for revolt began in Egypt. His emperor sons Caracella and Geta were already doing little else but quarreling with each other, drinking and having fun, watch gladiators  fighting and feeling proud of themselves. Even when they were informed that their subjects in Egypt had revolted, they continued to do what they were doing. They didn't care about anything but themselves and their daily activities.

The Egyptians were aware of this, of course, they knew they could not be a strong soldier like their emperor father. They were quite sure that the day would come when they, with the help of the Greeks, would put the Roman governors in Egypt to the sword. After all, they had been making preparations since the death of Severus. There were Jews among them too, all of them insistent on establishing the sovereignty of ancient Egypt, but there was one thing they did not consider or pay much attention to.

General Marcus Acacius.

They say, you can feel the ground shake when he walks on it. He makes his opponents feel certain of their own death at the very moment he draws his sword. A daring commander with  few who could stand up to him. It is unclear whether this is an exaggeration or not, but it is still rumored that he cut a lion in half in the Colosseum.

A beast in every sense of the word.

More than that, he is a leader who manages his legions very well and spur them on to achieve success during the war, a man who has not yet tasted a failure, well-earned the title of general in every way.

Since it was obvious that no one else could succeed in suppressing the rebellion, he was immediately sent to the region with the intervention of his Empresss Julia Domna, the mother of the two emperors.

Just like she guessed, he had succeeded in putting down the rebellion, of course, no doubt, as soon as his name rang through, the rebels, along with all the inhabitants of Egypt, have knew that they already defeated.

Some were forced to surrender, those who resisted and fled were found and killed by the Roman soldiers, but not all. The general didn't kill the surrendered ones, he took them as captives which was pretty fair for a beast. In contrast to him, the ones who fled were not, they were so desperate that they didn't know what to do and they started attacking everything and everywhere like rabid dogs.

They even attempted to violate the laws of war and mapped out a plan to kill the General and his soldiers, and even all the medics, in the night at their camps. It was a suicide mission, but they were on the verge of success.

'Has anyone seen the General? He's not in his tent!' A burly soldier strode in, holding his sword which was covered in the blood of the rebel he had just killed. He looked through all the tents one by one, moving quickly and with a concerned look on his face.

The clinking of swords echoed in the darkness as the soldiers cut down the last remaining rebels to death with their swords.

Soon, the soldier ran to his General, relieved to see him, but he was wounded in the abdomen moments ago. As he gently pressed his hand to his injury, a small amount of blood emerged, shining like rubies under the moonlight as it dripped from between his strong fingers onto the grass. His attackers were no longer alive, they were all lying on the ground, were literally cut to ribbons. They attacked him in his sleep when he was wearing nothing but his tunic, catching him off guard. He nodded to the soldier, demanding assistance as his white tunic transformed into a crimson hue. He had been wounded many times before, countless times, but this was nothing like before and was undoubtedly the worst injury he had ever sustained. ‘I think, I… got…,’ he groaned, it hurt much even when he speaks, feeling like beneath the wound his blood was boiling. ‘…poisoned.’ These were the last words spilled from his lips before his enormous body slumping to his knees, collapse altogether to the ground.

The woman with waist-length with black hair was dragging you along with her as she walking across the meadow, you were struggled, couldn’t control your feet, as if the ground was sliding under. She had her hands outstretched at her sides, even though her back was turned, it was not difficult to see her smile by the sunlight reflecting the curve of her chin. She abruptly ceased her movement and bent down to gather a few herbs in a meadow. She plucked them, gathered them in her palms, and kissed them. You heard the whispers between her lips and the harmony of the wind rippling through your ears. It was clear that she was blessing these herbs. When she turned to you, you staggered backwards, hypnotized by her face, so beautiful, mesmerizing, her eyes hypnotizing yours, it was impossible to look away, no escape from them.

Perhaps even more surprising than anything else was that her face and eyes were identical to yours. It really was truly astonishing. She handed you the plants like they were rare jewelry. You could see her arms shone in the sun, and her skin looked like fine marble. It was impossible to believe that it could be human skin; it must have been that of a goddess, but why did her face resemble yours?

'Heal the heart, child,' her voice sang through the meadow like a gentle breeze. You couldn't move your lips, but she heard you anyway.

‘Heart?’

A warm wind blew, and the silhouette of the woman came closer, startling you. Her hazel eyes were turning green under the sun. As she slightly opens her lips, you locked your eyes on them and waited eagerly for the answer.

‘The heart of Rome,’ almost whispers, ‘Serve it,’ a little loud now like commanding, ‘Heal it...’ again whispers then gently puts the herbs on your hand.

A strong wind blew, and the silhouette of the woman danced with the wind. The sunny sky burst into a starry night as the wind embraced the silhouette and rose to the sky, to the stars. You felt the ground under your feet, but your eyes were drawn to the enchanting sky.

As the wind finally gave way to the silent night, you looked at the herbs you were holding in your hand. These kind of herbs you were used to seeing almost every day, but what you were not used to seeing was that they were sparkling like diamonds between your fingers. It was as if you could feel their healing power on your skin.

Abruptly, you heard the voice again, echoing across the meadow. Your ears were once more caressed, blessed, but this time, the words were different.

‘Cure him…’

You barely heard your name being called and your body was shaking, slowly opened your eyes, you saw a familiar but worried face.

‘Wake up, please, you need to get up now,’ the concern in the man's voice brought you back to reality, the effect of the dream disappearing like a cloud of dust between the stone walls and dissipating into the air.

‘Uncle?’

You had rarely seen this face of your uncle who had taken you in when you were an orphan, who cared for you, protected you and raised you well more than any other father or mother ever would.

You sat up from the firm mattress you were lying on, ‘I thought we were travelling tomorrow night?’

‘No, no, that's not why I woke you up,’ he put your big dark cloak over your head. ‘You need to hide.’

You were startled to hear shouting and footsteps coming from outside the wooden door of the room. This was not the sort of noise you would normally expect to hear in this Valetudinarium (hospital, clinic) at this late hour. 

‘What is going on?’ You rub your eyes with your fingers, trying to figure out the situation.

Your uncle tucked your hair deeper into your cloak.

'The Roman soldiers are gathering all the medici (psychians). I have to go with them.'

'Roman soldiers? I thought they left after they put down the rebellion, and slaughtered thousands. Besides, they already have medici with them why they-?'

He grabbed you by the shoulders, his anxiety evident.

'Some rebels with indigestion murdered all the medici in their tents, and then-'

A soldier's voice was heard from one of the nearby rooms. You both turned your heads in that direction, startled, and then looked at each other again.

'General, they targeted him. They attacked him in his sleep. He got them, but he got poisoned. They want me to save him.'

‘Poisoned? But Uncle, he might already be dead, if you won’t be able to cure him they'll blame you or punish you and-’

‘Don’t think about it now, go and hide, as a woman you are not allowed to be here remember? You have to hide and wait for my return.’

The soldiers' voices were heard very close by.

‘No, I'll come with you, if it's aspis (venomous snake in Nile region) venom we'll use the same techniques as before, like we did with the boy last time, it would take too long to make an antivenom on your own, let me help you.’

‘It's too dangerous for you my dearest, to go among the soldiers, even if you wear these men clothes, we can't hide the beauty of your face, dear.’

You strode over to the cauldron in the fireplace and ran your hands over the soot that had accumulated underneath it.

‘It worked before,’ you said, rubbing a little soot on your cheeks.

‘Only at the market. This time it's more dangerous. I'd never forgive myself if I couldn't protect you there.’

‘Don't worry. I'll be back here as soon as we've finished with the antivenom. I know all the paths and shortcuts very well now.’

Suddenly a soldier burst in, kicking the door angrily, you shuddered.

‘You two! Get out, now! We don't have time!

‘We're making sure to collect all medical supplies, sir,’ he turned to you. ‘Come on, boy, don't dawdle!’

You nodded without looking at soldier, grabbed all medicine bottles.

‘You'd better hurry!’

As soon as the soldier left the room, your uncle moved swiftly to the corner and opened the small wooden chest. He took out a cream-coloured envelope of slightly worn paper, sealed with a wax seal bearing the emblem of Septimius Severus.

'This is…'

'I was going to give this to you tomorrow as I promised last time, but there's no time now. If anything happens to me, you will open it. Everything about your true family is in here.'

You took the envelope from him with shaking hands. The previous emperor himself had sealed it. You wondered what it meant.

Your uncle grabbed your shoulders and shook you, making sure you understood how important this letter was.

‘No one should ever see this. Do you understand me? No one! After you open it, hide it. Do not let anyone see it. But don't lose it, hide it like your life depends on it, you'll understand why.’

You nodded firmly and swallowed hard. You tucked the letter into the bag hanging around your neck and hid it at the very bottom under the medicine bottles, making them rattle in the process.

‘Aya, you’re going to have to choose,’ he looked at you before leaving the room.

‘Choose what uncle?’

‘To run or stay. It’ll make sense when you read the letter,’ he checked the hall and grabbed your wrist. You were so confused but you had to think about this later.

'We have to get out now, soldiers are outside, quick!'

The soldiers had gathered all the medici they could find in the army headquarters, near the tents. There were seven of them yet were unable to find a solution to the General's injury. When it was only you and your uncle who were next, a burly soldier, who was of a higher rank than the others, approached you two. You kept your head down, avoiding eye contact. Everyone was in a rush, with almost all of them mobilized to save the general's life. Your gender didn't matter to them, for now. As you were about to follow your uncle into the tent, the soldier stopped you by raising his hand.

‘Only the medicus.’

‘My aide, sir, let him in. He's as expert as I am.’

As your uncle is their last hope, he let you in, but did not follow you inside, stands guard outside the tent. The General's squire was standing right next to him, he looked at you with tears in his eyes. It was a heartbreaking sight. The sorrow had taken possession of everything inside the tent, and you could feel it right down to your bones.

The General was lying on a mattress in the west corner of the tent. He was unconscious, but you noticed that his lips were moving, like murmuring. You moved forward to look closer to see his face, which you had been so curious about.

His face was exactly as you had imagined, and yet not. He had many scars, as if he had been born with them, his light brown skin embracing them. His moustache and beard were partially grey, his nose and chin perfectly shaped, as if the Prometheus had spent more time shaping this man. His face was stunning, and it made your heart beat fast. You had never felt this way about any other man, well you never had an opportunity to do though.

You were somewhat disappointed to see his eyes closed. You were curious about what they might look like, and you were eager to see what he would look like when he opened them. When you found yourself wanting to touch his face, you were a little surprised. For a moment, you forgot why you were there. Your uncle had already picked up the sword with which General had been wounded and was examining the blood on it. You went over to help him, keeping one eye on the general, lying there with his imposing body and half of the white tunic he wore dyed red.

Your heart constricted with pain, and the dream you had came vividly to mind.

‘Cure him.’

‘We need to check his wound!’ You were startled by your uncle's loud voice, squinting at you, you felt ashamed.

As your uncle beckoned, you approached him, seeing the wound was not deep but the skin around the cut starting to get pale from the venom and the edges curling inwards.

‘He doesn't have much time, let's start making the antivenom now,’ he swallowed, the wound was really getting worse, you had to cure him no matter what.

Maybe, you thought, this is why the Gods showed you this in your dream, they warned you in advance that your life depends on it.

The process of making the antivenom took slightly longer than anticipated, but you persevered admirably. Your uncle cleaned the wound to neutralize it while you were perspiring from the fabric of your clothes. Once the antivenom was finally administered, your uncle applied the antidote carefully to the wound but he was exhausted, fingers are shaking so you helped him even you were feeling so tired too. Your eyelids were almost closed but you managed to complete your duty perfectly.

The soldier from earlier came into the tent to check the process, you bowed your head, and stepped back.

'We've cleaned the wound, once its neutralized, applied the antidote. We just need to wait now,' your uncle informed him, wiping sweat off his forehead. 'We need to give him some time, and make sure he drinks water soon to avoid dehydration.’

As the solider checking the wound you turned your head to look at the squire boy who was sobbing just ago, already fallen asleep. Poor boy, you thought.

The soldier ordered you to leave the tent and wait outside.

You felt your arms and legs go numb with fatigue and collapsed to the ground, sat cross-legged, trying hard to stay awake. Your uncle was same but he still struggled to sleep. In the end, he couldn't control his eyelids.

You woke up to the sound of the soldiers shouting and arguing. You turned your head, couldn't make out what they were disagreeing about, but they were making a lot of noise.

'You better go in and make sure the General drinks some water. He needs to stay hydrated,' your uncle said in firmly, watching the soldiers probably keep an eye on them.

The tent was empty except for the General. The soldier from earlier was outside, reassuring the other soldiers. You approached to check him. His forehead was covered in sweat, his body was fighting with venom. You quickly grabbed a damp cloth and pressed it gently on his forehead. Then you touched his lips with your thin, fragile fingers. You felt something intense growing inside you. As a secret medicus, you have touched the face and other parts of the body of many men and women to cure them. However, touching this man's face and lips was never like touching others.

You took a deep breath to pull yourself together. This was nonsense.

You made his lips crack open and dipped a rag into the fresh water in the copper pot. You pressed it against the general's rather dry, pale lips, squeezing it through his mouth.

After repeatedly doing this, you decided you had enough. Just before you withdrew your hand, the general's strong hand grabbed yours with a firm grip. You were surprised and moaned in pain, opened your hand with pressure, and the rag fell to the ground.

You swallowed hard, your heart racing as you looked at his face. He opened those eyes you had been so curious about and looked at you with a cold, calculating gaze, squeezing your wrist so tightly you felt it would break in a minute. You stifled a scream and moaned in pain, 'Sir, I'm here for help.' You sounded almost as if you were crying, and suddenly he moaned in pain as well, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, the effort drained him. His chest rose and fell rapidly as his breathing quickened.

When he finally released your wrist, you threw yourself backwards for dear life, rubbed your wrist with your other hand and stroked it, praying to the Gods to take the pain away. You could have sworn to Jupiter that if he had squeezed your wrist any harder, you would have heard a cracking sound coming from your bones.

How could he possibly be so strong even when exhausted, so close to death?

As the pain receded, you took a deep breath and forced yourself to calm down. Your thin wrist was painted the red like poppies, as if the shadows of his fingers were engraved on your skin.

You glanced timidly over your shoulder, he was still lying with his eyes closed, but you had just made a terrible mistake, he heard your voice, must have noticed you were a woman, and only the Gods knew what he would do when he came to his senses.

You had to leave immediately, wrapping your wrist in a clean piece of cloth and tucking the sleeve of your dress into it so that the bandage wouldn't be visible. When you came out of the tent, your uncle grabbed your arm and pulled you behind the tent.

‘Uncle, the General seemed to opened his eyes for a moment and heard my voice, he might remember when he awakens,' you said in a whisper, hoping no one have heard you.

‘Gods have mercy upon us,’ he glanced down, murmuring, then grabbed you by shoulders. “Time to go, you need to leave now. Go by following the path through the woods. Soldiers having a disagreement about something, I think they found out-‘

‘You, medicus, come here,’ one of the soldiers shouted at your uncle.

Your uncle gestured to you with his eyes, saying ‘go now’,

'You too!' you gasped as you realised the soldier waving his hand at you.

'Sir, he should stay with the General...' your uncle stepped in front of you to protect you.

'I said come, both of you, now,' he wasn’t asking, it was a firm order.

As you took tentative steps towards the place where the other soldiers were forming a circle beside your uncle, your heart began to beat as if it were going to burst. These were the soldiers who had just fought, and you wondered if they hurt each other, but you could not see anyone hurt or wounded.

On the contrary, they looked at you curiously, only at you.

‘That's nonsense, Dimitrus, this boy can't be a girl,' said one soldier pointing you with a small knife in his hand.

Your uncle was standing next to you, his fear having come true, his face taut with worry.

As the soldier, who you guessed was named Dimitrus, approached you, your uncle took a step in front of him, but the soldier easily overpowered him and pushed him aside. The soldier looked at your body from top to bottom. You bowed your head and clenched your fists. Your heart pounded in your chest as your breathing quickened. He yanked down your hood of your cloak with his big hands, other soldiers came nearby for a better look.

Your hair was tied up at the back of your head, and the soldier's grin widened when he noticed. He drew his dagger from its holster, and when you saw your uncle's worried face behind the soldier's formidable arm, you began to pray to all the Gods.

He grabbed your bun with his hand and cut the hairband with his dagger, your golden-brown wavy hair falling over your shoulders. The soldiers laughed and whistled. Dimitrus looked at them with a cocky smile and turned back to you.

‘Such a long hair for a aide boy, eh?’

'A girl, indeed,' said one soldier, looking at you with disbelief.

‘I told you I could smell a woman a mile away,’ he laughed, his voice booming.

'Please,' you demanded, feeling unable to do anything else. A feeling of despair took control of your whole body.

‘What is going on here?’ The burly soldier approached and noticed your new look, looking at you in astonishment. Dimitrus grabbed you by the hair and pulled you towards him. He then grabbed your chin and turned your face to Octavius.

'Look at her. You don't even know that the medicus brought a girl with him, Octavius?' And you're the general's right-hand man!’

You struggled to move your body, but he was so strong.

‘Hey, I can't see her face clearly!'

You closed your eyes tightly as someone threw wine on your face. Dimitrus wiped your face with his big fingers, rubbing roughly.

'Gods, no ordinary beauty,' looking at you like a hungry wolf, then smells your hair making you feel nauseous.

You tried to look away, but your eyes met your uncle's desperate gaze.

‘That's enough, Dimitrus, let her go, is this what you all thinking while our General lies there like that?’

You rushed to your uncle's side as his hands released your hair.

‘He's already dead, I've never seen anyone get up after being poisoned,’ he says as if he was looking forward to his death.

Octavius drew his sword with a schwing. ‘How dare you! Say that again and I'll cut your tongue off!’ he growled.

Dimitrus' followers drew their swords as well. Octavius looked at each of them with anger and disbelief. He has been betrayed.

‘You filthy rats! I'll kill you one by one!’ He waved his long sword at them.

Dimitrus grabbed your uncle by the collar, 'Start with this one. Who knows what he gave the General instead of medicine?'

‘Yes, he must be punished!’

'Punish him, Octavius!'

They were all yelling at him by raising their swords, you were thinking a way out but there wasn’t any.

‘If you won't, I will,' Dimitrus pointed his swords end at your uncle.

‘No!' you cried but your uncle stopping you with his hand.

Then, as Octavius raised his hand and was about to lunge at him, Dimitrus plunged his sword through your uncle's stomach, the poor man groaning in pain and falling to his knees, and as you ran towards him, he drew back his sword, his blood splashing in your face with the force of the draw. Your body began to shake and you felt paralysed as you watched his lifeless body fall to the ground.

'Dimitrus!' Octavius roared, ‘You've gone too far! What do you think our general will do to you when he awakens?’

You collapsed to your knees in shock, your body rigid and still, your face expressionless yet tears streaming down your cheeks.

'General? You failed to save him, you let that medicus get into his tent, you must share his fate! I will tell the emperors that this is your fault! And I think we should put the general out of his misery-'

Suddenly, an axe emerged from nowhere and plunged into Dimitrus' chest deeply. His body reeled back, shaking, then fell to the ground lying backwards, dying in a pool of blood as everyone looked at him in astonishment and panic. Blood gushed from where his chest had been split open, and when he stopped breathing, laying there as his eyes remained wide open.

They turned their head to see who had thrown the axe and they were shocked once again.

The general could barely stands near his tent, his eyes filled with rage, his gaze blazing with fury. Octavius ran to his side quickly.

'General! Thank Gods you're finally awake!’

'What's going on here, Octavius?' his voice was like a roar.

‘Sir, Dimitrus and others have attempted to mutiny.’

Acacius gave the other soldiers a deathly stare and they immediately kneeled down with their swords upside down.

'No, sir, we did not.’

'Forgive me, sir, it was Dimitrus doing.’

'Sir, please forgive me.’

You closed your uncle's eyelids with your fingers as they all begged for forgiveness. Your back was turned to the General, you didn't care if you live or die, you didn’t care about anything. You felt your whole life was already over.

'If any of you ever dare to do anything like this again,' he walked near Dimitrus’ body and pulled the axe from his chest roughly, you startled by the crunching sound coming from his bones.

'I Marcus Acacius, will make sure that he meets the same fate as this scum!'

He put them all in their place, they all nodded in fear and stood up with his gesture, bowing their heads though couldn't look him in the face.

'Now get ready, we must sail at dawn!'

‘Yes sir!’

All of them sheathing their swords, spreading around in rush.

Acacius staggered a little as they gone at his sight, his wound still hurting but he tried hard not to show them.

Octavius touched his arm, 'Sir, the Gods have spared your life but please rest a little longer.’

'Who is this man?’

You were certain he was talking about your uncle, even though your back was turned to him.

'The medicus who cured you, sir, Dimitrus got mad and killed him because he thought he couldn't save you.'

'As if we haven't lost enough medici tonight. He was wrong obviously. This man managed to cure me. I'm standing thanks to him,' he turned his head to Octavius. 'Make sure this man's body reaches his family. Let the governor know about this. They should fulfil all ritual arrangements.'

Octavius nodded, "Yes sir, I will."

Then both turned their gaze to you. 'What about this one?'

Your body was petrified, you felt the time of execution has come, you’ve never expected the last moments of your life to be like this.

‘I think this was his aide or slave sir, Dimitrus found out she was a woman, that medicus was hiding her, sir,’ he bowed his head in shame, you swallowed.

Acacius' pain returned, he groaned in pain, Octavius grabs his waist gently, "Sir, please rest, you need to get your strength back.’

'Sir!' Acacius' squire came and put his arm under his.

It was time for him to turn his back to you.

‘Since her master has died, take this girl to the other slaves, I don't want any more chaos or mishap,’ he said in a firm voice.

You wiped tears from your eyes with the back of your hand as their footsteps faded away. Two soldiers came and grabbed your arms, lifted you off the ground while the others carrying your uncle’s body. When you turned your head, glancing over your shoulder, saw the General's curly grey hairs and his well-shaped nose before he went into his tent.

Your body was filled with rage.

What you heard was only a heightening of your pain and a deepening of your hurt.

A slave? How could he say that? The one who cured him was now worthy of being a slave?

As the mid-morning sun began to reflect on the walls of Rome through the haze that filled the

harbour, the capital was preparing to experience one of the most active days in its history. Everyone who noticed the navy ships approaching the harbour from afar, citizens, subjects, foreign mission chiefs, tradesmen, civil servants, porters, all filled the entrance of the city. They were waiting to welcome General Marcus Acacius and the glorious Roman soldiers. On the deck of the large ship at the forefront of the fleet, the General sighs deeply as he looks out over his city, thanking Mars for his triumphant and healthy return.

It ten days to get from the port of Alexandria to Rome, a very difficult experience for you, travelling with captives called slaves. Most of them were Greeks and Egyptians, and the fact that the streets of the Roman capital were filled with shouts of joy was of no interest to them. On board the ship they were constantly told that the slave market in the capital was a very prestigious place, that the young girls would be well brought up by certain families, that they should stop crying, that they should pray to Jupiter to make the wealthy families could like them and buy them with high prices.

But you were not like those slaves, you were not a prisoner of war, nor was your family enslaved or poor. Your uncle was a renowned and esteemed medicus. He was a member of an affluent family. He and his wife found you on the banks of the River Nile when you were three years old. That is what they told you. The gods had not blessed them with a child, so they loved you as much as their own. You knew he wasn't your real father or uncle, but you were very happy with your life and didn't ask too many questions until he told you about that letter the night before the night that ruined your life.

As an orphan, you were brought up well by your uncle, learning all about Egyptian medicine, performing countless surgeries at his side, bringing many people back to life -including the general himself- and learning enough to become an expert. But, no one could call you as medicus because you were a woman, yet your talents were too great to be ignored. No matter who you told on this ship, no one would believe you, and even if they did, there was nothing they could do about it.

As you looked out through the small cracks between the planks of the ship, your eyes travelled over the seemingly endless sea. You couldn't stop thinking about the dream you had that night.

‘Cure him.’

Wouldn't it have been better if you haven't cure him? Perhaps your uncle would still be alive. Maybe you wouldn't be sitting on this ship now, resigned to your fate, wondering, worrying what will happen to you. Is this your reward for healing the great Roman general?

That man ruined your life, and you only did yourself a disservice by saving him.

Perhaps the gods were testing you, but what was the lesson?

You looked at the shadow of the General's fingers under the piece of cloth you had wrapped around your wrist. The color was that of violets caressed by moonlight days ago. Now, it is unmistakably that color, doesn’t hurt much anymore.

As the ship rumbled into port, you realized that it was time to accept your fate. In the dark and damp bilge of the ship, you and a girl close to your age called Decima took turns using the same swing as a bed, you liked each other very much and in desperation you became confidants. She was in her early twenties, beautiful yet you were in your late twenties, ahead of her in beauty. Her father was a rebel, probably killed by the General's men, and she was taken as captive. You told her almost everything except the letter that you’re hiding in your bag.

As soon as you stepped into the harbour, the discrimination began, the general and his men moved in the other direction, while the trader man of slaves were standing in front of you ordered you to move somewhere else.

You frowned as you saw his face in the distance over the shoulders of the people in the crowd, he looked very healthy, his body had managed to overcome the venom of the past few days and his wound has healed. You remembered how you had spent hours with your uncle trying to cure him, how you had struggled for hours to make the antidote while your arms and wrists ached with pain.

The General's face lit up with a warm smile as he waved his hand at his citizens, you were surprised to find that all your anger has vanished for a moment.

You turned your head away, looking at him would only cause you pain. He didn't look at you because he hasn't seen your face yet -well not clearly-, furthermore, you’ve never met face to face, to him you’re just a slave nothing more. Octavius however, recognised you from a distance. He was the only one who has witnessed your hard work. He was an honorable men, didn’t like to see you among the slaves, yet he has nothing to do, it was his General's order.

In the evening of that day, after the slaves were taken to the baths and then to the slave market for sale, you and Decima were taken by the slaver man to a separate cell. From outside, one could hear the sounds of a lively market, where slaves were being sold one by one. There was a great deal of interest in these new slaves from Egypt.

Slaver man appeared at the door of your cell in the market with a man over your age looks wealthy. Decima immediately stood up, but you did not. The slaver gestured with his hand, turning Decima around in the center and showing her arms, face and feet, squinting at you meanwhile.

‘Look at these strong and beautiful young girls, sir, I wouldn’t show you any poor slaves, they are both virgins, and they are very beautiful, the great Venus has bestowed her beauty on these girls. They would fetch a lot of money if they went to the market, but I thought I would show them to you first sire.’ He was blandishing much, but the man's eyes were locked on you.

‘Doesn't she have any manners? Why doesn't she stand up?’

‘You're right sir, she must be a bit sick from travelling, she will,’ he gestured to you with his hand, ‘Come on, get up, girl.’

You rolled your eyes and got up, he squeezed your arm hard to warn you first, then did everything what he had done to Decima, opening almost every part of your body for the other man to see. It was incredibly disgusting, you felt like an animal being sold at the cattle market.

‘The other one is younger, but this one is so beautiful, a rare one,’ he said, grabbed you by arm, looking at you hungrily. ‘How much do you want for this one?’

Your eyes meet with Decima in a silent exchange, as it was time to go your separate ways.

‘Eight thousand sesterces, sire.’

He pursed his lips, thinking, his fingers touching your hair mean while you were closing your eyes, praying for a miracle.

‘Ten thousand sesterces!’

A familiar voice of a man echoed through stone walls. You all turned your heads to that direction.

‘General Marcus Acacius offers ten thousand sesterces for this girl!’ Octavius’ imposing body appeared, he came towards them with his armor making a sharp noise with every step. He threw a big coin pouch to the slaver, who caught it with a big smile on his face.

‘Sold, of course,’ he was counting the coins with happy face.

Then Octavius firmly grabbed the other man's arm that was still touching you, lifted it, and pushed it away. He frowned.

‘This girl belongs to General Acacius now, sir, you must not touch her,’ he warned him gently but firmly.

As the general entered the city in his chariot, the people shouted his name. He waved his hand to them, and the streets were filled with a great enthusiasm as everyone gathered to honour the general and his soldiers. The chariot carrying him soon passed under the triumphal arch of Septimius Severus and turned towards the Curia Julia, the Senate building, where the emperors must have been waiting for him. The general's smile faded. He was tired and not looking forward to seeing them, but he would not go to his villa before visiting the emperors.

As General strode purposefully up the marble stairs, Geta and Caracella leapt down from their golden imperial thrones in excitement. As soon as Geta saw him, he opened his arms wide.

‘How can I reward Rome's greatest general?'

'By letting him catch his breath first,' Caracella smiled widely.

Acacius stopped in front of them and nodded, 'Emperors.'

'We have been eagerly awaiting for your arrival, general,' Geta clasped his hands together, looking at him with admiration.

'Speak for yourself, brother. My legs ache from sitting for so long,' Caracella said, then laughed loudly. 'But it was worth it, indeed!'

‘Indeed!’ They both laughed once more, but Caracella looking at his brother a bit strange way.

It was hard to tell if Caracella wanted to embrace Geta or if wanted to take his life right then and there. The relationship between the two of them was quite distorted.

The general rolled his eyes, he was used to these two whiny emperors half of his age bickering at each other all the time, he sighed in frustration at having to put up with them when he could easily take both their lives with a single stroke of his sword. Unfortunately, this unpleasant situation had only just begun.

‘We heard that you were poisoned, how did it feel?’ Geta looked at him with wide eyes and smile.

The news must have reached the emperors before the general had even boarded the ship.

'Painful, your highness,' Acacius stated, a shadow passing over his brown eyes as he remembered the pain again.

'I'm sure it was, it must have been an interesting experience.’ Caracella crossed his arms; smiling just like his brother.

‘Cobra or viper?’

‘Aspis, highness, the viper type.’

‘Oh, I won!’ Geta jumped for joy and gestured to Caracella with his hand, imitating a snake.

Caracella ignored him looking at the General.

‘The rebels must have quite a sense of humour, poisoning a Roman General carrying Medusa on his chest with a snake, quite ironic,’ he touched Medusa on General's armor with his index finger.

Acacius frowned while looking at him, ‘They certainly do, they murdered all our medici mercilessly, fortunately the great Asclepius sent his help, my men brought another medicus from city was able to cure me, it is thanks to him that I can stand here in front of you, highness,’ Acacius remembered the memory when he was unsure whether it was a dream or not but he could not get out of his mind the fingers that touched his lips, the owner of those hazel eyes that came to his aid when his throat was dry from thirst. But it couldn't be medicus he thought, it had to be someone with thin fingers, someone with beautiful eyes he had never seen before. Maybe, since he was too close to death, it was a dream or a goddess has appeared to him, he couldn't be sure.

The first thing he remembers is opening his eyes and grabbing her wrist with his survival instinct. He thought it was a strange looking young man in a hood, maybe another rebel had come to kill him again, but then he heard her voice and thought his goddess had come to heal him. He was in so much pain and seeing hallucinations that he couldn't tell if it was a dream or not. But couldn’t get rid of those thoughts since days.

The emperors didn't seem to care much about the medicis the general was talking about, or how he had recovered, and Acacius seemed bored as they continued to joke with each other.

‘Mother,' Geta ran to her as he noticed the Empress approaching, extends his arm for her.

Julia Domna took his arm as she coming towards Acacius, whispering something into Geta’s ear, without taking her eyes off the General.

‘My lady,’ Acacius nodded to her.

Domna's smile was like Caracella's, you could never guess what she was thinking.

‘General, how good it is to see you return triumphant once more. Rome salutes you, and I embrace you,’ she approached him with open arms and put her hands Acacius’ board shoulders.

Caracella sat back on his throne, a bored look on his face.

‘My Lady, the honour is mine,’ the general said, bowing his head.

‘We shall sacrifice 1000 bulls to honor our triumphant mother!’ Geta clapped his hands excitedly, ‘Let's have a great feast tonight!’

‘Highness, let's give the General some time to rest, he must be tired from the battle,’ Domna removed her hands from the General's shoulders but kept her eyes on him.

Caracella let out a high, shrill laugh that echoed through the white marble columns. Geta sat on his throne and scowled.

‘Marcus, walk with me,’ the Empress turned round, gestured to him.

Acacius sighed, he didn't want to be alone with her, but he had to. Domna walked ahead of him, hands clasped behind her back, he followed her slowly.

‘My sons are glad to see you again, even if they have no idea how fortunate they are to have you serving them.’

'It is my duty to serve Rome.’

She paused and smiled, watching the water in the pool shimmer in the sunlight, the glow reflecting off her bright skin, her expression was difficult to read.

'I think you have a talent for survival.’

She sounded dissatisfied. 'After all, you trained under Maximus, you must have learned a lot from him.’

He looked away, 'I owe where I am today to the remarkable fighting skills he taught me, he was an honourable man, the greatest general Rome has ever seen,' Acacius' eyes were fixed on the great Temple of Venus between the eastern edge of the Forum Romanum and the Colosseum.

Domna looked at him with a feeling between admiration and concern.

‘He, like you, lived to serve Rome, even if he had to kill Commodus,’ she said, and even little children could catch the obvious implication in her voice.

Acacius held his ground, his eyes roaming the curves of the statue of Venus.

‘But unlike him, you are loyal to the emperors, I can be sure of that, can't I?

He turned his head towards her, but did not look at her. His eyes were now on the two spoilt emperors who were talking animatedly to each other between the columns. 'As long as Rome is prosperous for all her subjects, I will be loyal to them, my lady.'

Domna laughed loudly, 'Ah, that's why I want you in the Senate, how long will you refuse?

'I am only a soldier, politics is not my business, nor should it be. Scholars in the Senate -'

‘Those old foxes live in abundance and do nothing, the person who has done Rome the greatest service should be in the Senate.’ Domna glanced over her shoulder at her sons. 'I am concerned that Macrinus has no equal in the Senate and that Caracella dominates him, perhaps if you are in there, you will gain his trust.’

'Your Highness...' He looked at her shaking his head as no.

Domna looked at Acacius, this time with a serious expression on her face, 'For the sake of Rome you must be especially careful with Caracella, as her mother even I find it hard to get my way with him, he is not like Geta, he is a hard-headed child.’

Acacius looked at Caracella whose back was turned, of course he knew this very well, for a moment he thought that he was the real threat to Rome, not the enemy soldiers or the others.

‘Anyway, you should go to your villa and rest, you will have time to think about this alone,’ she said with a forced smile, then turned around to go to her sons.

After praying in the temple of Venus, Acacius walked out, and as he descended the steps of the temple, he felt a stinging pain where his wound had been, the poison had completely gone from his body, but it had left its trace behind.

Octavius was lost in thought as he has leaned against the side of the carriage waiting for him, quickly stood up when he noticed him.

‘Sir.’

‘I see you don't miss your home, as you're still here,' Acacius said as he descended the last step. He got into the carriage and climbed in to sit beside him. Acacius was quite tired so he lay down on the seat, the fact that he felt so comfortable with Octavius was because of their long friendship, he was his most trusted man, more than just a friend, like a brother.

'Are you going to tell me what's troubling you?’ Acacius covered his face with his arm, but he could feel the tension in him.

'Sir, the girl.’

'Oh, I see, a girl? Have you fallen in love with a girl?

'No, that's not it,' Octavius felt embarrassed as he remembers your face. 'That poor girl, It doesn't seem fair that she should be with those slaves, sir, you are an honourable man, but-'

Acacius lifted his arm from his face and looked at him, the cart swaying as it moved along the stony roads.

'The girl that medicus hid? Why do you care so much for her? Is there something I should know?’

'After all, they worked so hard together to cure you, perhaps you should have at least let her go home.’

‘Together? What do you mean?' Acacius sat up, his eyebrows furrowed.

Octavius bowed his head.

'Sir, I made a mistake, it was my fault for letting them into your tent, I don't know how I could have been so careless even after the assassination, forgive me...'

Acacius raised his hand.

'Slow down, we will talk about your mistake later, you are saying that girl entered my tent and cured me? How?’

'I didn't look closely at her face and I didn't know she was a woman maybe because of her outfit but I made a terrible mistake, I should’ve known, forgive me sir.’ He bowed his head once more but it made Acacius more angry.

'You haven't answered my question, Octavius,' his voice was loud.

'Yes sir, she did her best to cure you, sir, the girl and Medicus worked hard to produce antivenom all night.’

Acacius was surprised when he realized that he hadn't dreamed that night. He was glad to learn that the owner of those eyes was a real person. But then he thought that she might be on the slave market by now, about to be sold to someone else.

‘Stop the carriage!’ He yelled.

The coachman immediately did as he was told and pulled hard on the horses' harnesses, the horses howling and stamping their hooves on the ground.

'Sir?' Octavius raised his eyebrows in surprise.

'Go and find the girl, I want to see her at my villa tonight, do you understand? Acacius tossed him a pouch full of coins.

Octavius smiled, ‘Yes, sir.’

comment and like if you liked so far thank youu,

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[moonxmagix]

Leave The Scent of Your Cologne 

Pairing: Frank Iero x Fem Reader

Requested by: My Own Brain

Word Count: Too fucking many !

TW: Wine, Cigarettes

A/N: First time doing something like this I hope you enjoy. Wanted to do something soft and gentle! Because those are the type of things I enjoy reading lol.

Summary: Frank is your close friend but behind the scenes you guys are a lot closer than people think. You haven't started dating so things are confusing. One night he comes over and leaves his mark with you forever.

Setting: New York City apartment, Winter time.

You and Frank had always been close friends since High-School. Best friends you could say, you could go to him for anything and could call him at any time of the night and he'd come over. You always had a small crush on Frank but never wanted to tell him because you thought you'd get over it or that it would ruin the friendship with him.

Your POV:

I got home pretty late, I look at the clock to see it was 8pm. God. Work had been crazy and so stressful that time didn't even seem real. Time passed and time froze certain days. I turn the news on while sitting on the couch of my tiny apartment. Blah Blah Blah...News talk...Winter storm?!

It had started snowing on my commute back home but I didn't think it'd end up getting bad. I decided to call Frank and ask him to come over and spend the night, I know he'd say yes. "Come over. Pleaseeee?" After some convincing he said yes, "Fine, you always sucker me in." I hear his deep laugh on the other end and it makes my heart flutter.

I put on some cozy pajamas aka my trusty sweatpants and black tank top. Not long after I hear a knock at the door, "Welcome home!" We both laugh welcoming him inside, "Home? You wan't me to move in so bad it's funny." He wasn't wrong, I wanted to spend all my time with him. He did bring a big bag of his stuff so that's what it felt like.

"Wine?" I offer him going into the kitchen. "You know it! Cigarette?" He offers with a smile. His smile drove me crazy that it made a bright red flush across my face. "You know it." I lean against the island counter taking a sip of wine and drag off my cigarette. Frank did the same staring at me.

I wonder what he's thinking about. After some silence I bring up the storm, "You know there's a snow storm tonight right? Probably gonna miss work tomorrow." He finishes his cigarette and wine, "Duh, it was all over the news. You just wanted to be trapped with me. I know you can't get enough." Frank laughs and smirks walking a bit closer to me, our faces now a couple inches apart.

I could feel my heartbeat pick up rapidly. It was so loud that I thought Frank would be able to hear it honestly. "Movie?" He speaks softly. "Yeah sure, which one?" We sit on the couch together sharing a ginormous blanket. My couch was small so it was impossible not to be touching him. We put on a random hallmark romance and I could feel the tension between us.

I put my legs on top of his and could feel him immediately relax, I guess we both needed that. He places his hands on top of my thighs rubbing them gently. "Do you have a heater? It's fucking freezing in here." He whines getting under the blanket. But he kept repositioning himself to lay on top of me with his head on my stomach.

It took me by surprise but I tried my best to embrace it. "If you need a heater then you have to let me get up, Frankie. So I can turn it on." I run my hands through his hair, "I'll turn you on." He whispers with a cute giggle. "Excuse you?" He looks up at me, "Your'e excused missy."

Frank lets me get up and I drag a small heater to the couch facing it towards us. He laid right back in his spot and we finished our movie, cuddling, warm, and safe. I decided to turn the news on after the movie finished and it was already 12am. They told everyone to stay inside because of harsh winter conditions and that everything would be closed.

"Guess you're stuck with me all day and night tomorrow." I stretch my arms tiredly then wrapping them around Frank. "That's exactly what I want." His response made me blush and I couldn't even respond. He was right. "I think I'm gonna start getting ready for bed." I say with a slight stutter pushing him off me onto the floor.

"Without me?!" I laugh and pull him with me to the bathroom. I grab my face wash and start cleaning my messy makeup off. I was taking up most of the bathroom and Frank needed in, "Coming by sweetheart," He says placing his hands on your hips placing a small smack on your ass. You knew what he was doing and he knew what he was doing.

"Frank!" I say while my face is covered in soap so I can't see him laughing his ass off. "Keep your eyes closed or you're getting flashed," He says and suddenly you hear a water stream. I wash the foam off my face, "FRANK! Why couldn't you wait until I was done?!" I turn around mistakenly, which resulted in me seeing his dick. I close my eyes placing my hand on my forehead, good lord. "I told you!"

We brush our teeth while standing next to each other. We would make quite a cute couple if I do say so myself. Maybe tonight will be the night I confess my feelings for Frank. We go into my bedroom which was dimly light by my bedside table light which was a salt lamp. Vibey, I know.

Before we lay down Frank took his shirt off throwing it on the floor, "Wait here, I have something for you." He says rushing out the room. I decide to put his shirt on instead and hop in bed covering myself with the blankets. "Here. It's the newest copy of our latest release." He looked so proud of himself.

I know the guys had been working so hard on this album so I felt so special to receive this. "Frank, this is amazing. Thank you!" I place it on the bedside table and Frank hops in bed with me. I cuddle myself up with him resting my head on his chest and my leg over his waist. I trace with my finger over his tattoos, they were my favorite part about him because he was covered in them.

No one knew how close Frank and I were. We hadn't had sex yet but there were lots of steamy make-out sessions and dates. I don't know why we weren't dating but I think a lot of it had to do with my work life and his band activities. It was just never the right timing. Right person but wrong time vibe.

"Are you wearing my shirt?" He asks pulling you away from him to examine your body. "It is! My clothes look so much better on you than me." We stayed up talking for another good two hours before we had both fallen asleep entangled in one another.

I felt safe with Frank. His smell was my favorite part. He always smelled like cologne and cigarettes with his lips having a hint of coffee most of the time. I dreaded the moment knowing in about a day he would have to go back home.

~^~^~^~^

I woke up to an empty but warm bed so I figured that he had just gotten out of bed. Until I see the heater pointed towards me, that wasn't there last night though...

I get out of bed turning the heater off heading into the living room. Frank sat on the balcony with a heavy coat on smoking. What the fuck was he doing out there? It was still snowing heavily when we woke up.

Frank eventually comes inside, "Why on earth would you go outside to smoke? You're literally crazy." I start making my coffee. "Crazy about you." He says staring right at me taking his coat off. "Shut up Frank." I try laughing his comment off but it kept repeating itself in my head. "I'm serious, Y/N." What is he talking about?

I look at him tilting my head to the side like a dog, "Y/N, I think I'm in love with you," I stood frozen ignoring the beep on my coffee maker to tell me it's done. He walks over to me pinning me against the counter, "I want you so bad, Y/N. Every fucking day your face, your voice, everything about you is on my mind 24/7. It's driving me crazy knowing we aren't together."

I was speechless, "Frank-" I go to speak but get interrupted by Frank intertwining his lips with mine. I gasp and put my arms around his neck moving my lips with his harmoniously. He pulls away and our eyes met for what felt like eternity. When I was with Frank everything felt...good. Life felt normal with him around constantly, it had already felt like you two were dating for years already. He was familiar, he was comfort.

"I know this is sudden but, will you be my girlfriend? Officially. I'm ready. Just say yes and I'm yours." He says holding my face with his hands. "Yes Frank, of course. I felt the exact same way about you but I had no idea how to tell you. I didn't wanna ruin things between us but I'm glad you finally said something." It felt good to get that off my chest. It felt like the worlds weight lifted off my shoulders.

After some breakfast and cuddling on the couch I say, "Why can't you just move in with me already? Ugh." I groan, I wanted to take in every moment with him. I was dreading the morning time when he had to leave. "Who said I couldn't? There's no getting rid of me." He squeezes my cheeks placing kisses on them.

I take Franks hand in mine, "Leave your stuff here. Please? You can bring more of your stuff, I don't mind." I beg him. "I knew you wanted me to move in, sneaky rat." He teases and goes to unpack his bag putting a few of his clothes and toiletries away.

The weather seemed to be clearing up quite a bit, "Would you be mad if I left tonight?" Frank pulls me in for a hug not letting go just rocking back and forth. I heavy sigh, "Yeah, but what's your reasoning?" I was willing to negotiate with him. "So I can pack as many boxes as I can and move in tomorrow dummy. The quicker the better." He did have a point.

"Fine, but you promise to be back?" I hold out my pinky for him to swear on it. "Absolutely pretty girl. I can't be away from you for long." He smiles and I melt inside. He made me absolutely weak in the knees.

He gets dressed in warm clothing so he could head out on his way, "Don't miss me too much sweetheart." He winks and kisses me quickly heading down my apartment hallway. He left around 7pm so it was now dark and I was now alone, again. I know he'd be back but I felt like I was being ripped apart from my soulmate.

I decided to call it a semi-early night and lay in bed. It still stayed the same from when I had woken up. I turn the heater on and get in bed. I was still wearing his shirt and buried my head into the pillows he slept on last night.

I inhaled deeply to take in the scent of his cologne. He smelled so good, it was heavily. Mixed with cigarettes it made it intoxicating. I grabbed one of the pillows from under my head to cuddle with it. I lay with my pillows wrapping my arms around it tightly, "I love you Frank." I whisper.

I know he wasn't there to hear me but I felt like I needed to practice first. God I felt pathetic. I can't wait for him to get here tomorrow.

My phone dings suddenly and I grab it frantically, it was a message from Frank with a picture. It was a picture of a bunch of boxes and bags packed. "Soon." He said.

This is how I know this is forever.

[corneliastreetapartment]

YouTube special: Diana's YouTube channel: Spaghetti Princess

Feels like - YouTube special

a peek into our favorite goofy brit Diana's YouTube channel

Story Masterlist

video is starting now

"Hey folks welcome to Genovia and your watching Disney Channel "

*badly imitates the disney sound* "Bullocks" She looks up the stairs and shouts " Y/N " no answer "Y/N" " W h A t? " comes back y/n's voice. Diana looks to the camera a giggles

" DO YOU THINK SELENA GOMEZ WILL LEND ME HER DISNEY MOUSE DRAWING GLOWSTICK"

" FROM THE YOUR'E WATCHING DISNEY CHANNEL ADVERTISMENTS? "

" YEAH! " "NO"

"......."

"Bullocks"

Diana Facepalms and looks at the camera sheepishly

" you guys have good imagination right? "

---------------------------------

Camera cuts to her eating pickles with THE FRIDGE door open and then suddenly she stops. Then she starts belting out all too well.

" DANCING ROUND THE KITCHEN IN THE REFRIGERATOR LIGHT !"

"ITS WAS RARE I WAS THERE I REMEMBER IT"

She songs as though it's the national anthem

The door suddenly opens and Conan runs in and joins diana with the singing and dancing.

------------------------------------

Camera cuts yet again to Diana cooking while talking to the camera

"So a lot happened this week ! my Best friend y/n FINALLY MOVED IN and guess what she brought the pictures I asked her too ! "

"Which proves she loves me"

"......" "Then she didn't cause I broke her guitar"

----------------------------

Video cuts to Diana with a guitar in her hands and she looks up to the camera and grins and says " imma be a YouTube star "

And promptly breaks a guitar string in the next 20 seconds

-------------------------

Camera cuts back to Diana cooking

"Yeah so that happened but then to cheer her up I took her to a handmade picnic"

"We had fun and we were all cute and adorable the way that everyone ships us but we like separate people way"

"Credits to Riley from my class and I'm sorry again that I spoiled your Ganache by putting vinegar in it"

"IT WAS A MISTAKE" she screams to the ceiling "Talking about cooking, Mine didn't fail this week."

She says and then winces once again

" sorry again Riley "

"Anyways I baked a gorgeous state of the art amazing strawberry shortcake and I was so proud of my flour that i cried for some time and I even took a few pictures with it "

"But I forgot the strawberries" She facepalms yet again "And when I drove up to the store for the first time in my life the parking was empty, so I thought I just have to take a picture of my self there but I can't with my car parked so I careful parked mine on the opposite street and I turn around and guess what? THIS BUGGER PARKED IN HE PARKING AREA" GASP "WHO DOES THAT???"

"Any ways I somehow convinced that guy to pull out by telling him how how get Taylor swift tickets and he agreed and He finally took my picture"

"And then when he gave me back my phone and asked me how to get tickets and I told him to download ticket master and get it and I ran for my life back to my car. And I'm pretty sure he was looking up to the sky and questioning his life when I looked back." "Kinda rude" "Eh" "But it was worth it"

Editing Diana : " I eventually did get the strawberries later but I went home and felt so guilty that I named a plant after him" she holds up a pink cactus and says meet strawberry

Brief intermission : lobby music plays

"MY BABY LOOKS SO GOOD WHEN SHES ANGRY"

She screams into her pillow She gets up normally and picks up the ravioli she just made "So you might have noticed the flurry of cat pictures on my social media accounts if you didn't I hate you"

"I really don't" She said smiling once again "Anyways me and y/n had a housewarming party for our new apartment"

"And there were a lot of people" "Famous ones" she whispers "But apparently I will be choked to death by a federal agent if I tell you guys so …" camera cuts once again to Diana shouting "TAYLORSWIFTWASTHERE"

"But as always if any of you guys know me My day ended with me in bed listening to the moment I knew........Sobbing"

"Ok goodbye and your welcome for the clip coming ahead" Clip shows y/n hugging a pumpkin and saying " I don't want it to go hysterically crying noooo" Finneas comes and pulls it out of her hands dropping it by mistake causing the pumping to split apart. AHHHHH someone screams from the back ground. "Y/n no!" Taylor screams "Beat his ass y/n" screams Billie

end of video

[dp-pastandpresent]

Past and Present: Chapter 9

Sam woke up that Saturday morning excited and nervous. While yesterday had been simply wonderful–what with the kiss and all–it was the prospect of today that made her heart flutter.

'Our first official date…'

After they had gotten through the awkwardness of the kiss, reality had set in that maybe they needed to spend some more time together. Up until now, it had really only been sporadic rescues appearances. And neither of them could seem to stop thinking about the other.

She hopped out of bed happily, then stopped, remembering the words of Tucker yesterday.

'He's a ghost. And as a ghost, he can't really age or change.'

She had found herself debating these issues all of last night, not really sure what to do or say; in the end, she ended up just falling asleep.

But now that it was morning, and her head was clear, she began to smile again.

'Tuck, I love you, but I gotta do this for me.'

She quickly ran into her closet, hoping to find the perfect outfit for her date.

It had been ages, literally, since Danny had been on an actual date, and going on one as a ghost was definitely a new experience.

He did his best to hide the nervousness with excitement, but his mind kept going back to the whole idea of dating a human. Yes he had been one once, but now he wasn't. He had emotions, that was true, but he also had ghost powers. He'd never age again. He'd never die. He'd never truly be able to give her a proper life. If he made even one wrong move, he could send her back to that dark place she was the night they met.

'Just stop. Obviously she doesn't seem to care – yet – or this wouldn't even be happening. Just take it one day at a time. Maybe what you need right now is a friend. Someone on your side.'

And then there was the idea of hanging out in public, something he usually tried to avoid during the day unless he was on a rescue.

'But she can't be expected to stay out at night. You have to do some giving as well. Take some risks.'

And the more he thought about it, the more it became clear that no matter the situation, he had to make it work. Make THEM work. If nothing else, to make up for what almost was all those years ago.

Memories had been coming back in bits lately. Memories of what once was, the girl he loved and never told, and the night he almost did.

'If that fire hadn't happened, maybe we'd be together right now.'

But they weren't, and here he was, a GHOST. In love with a HUMAN.

Could the afterlife get any more complicated?

--

Purple clutch in hand, Sam raced down the stairs, hoping to sneak out unheard. Unfortunately for her, Grandma was waiting at the bottom and, unable to stop, Sam soon found herself on the ground.

"Sammy, where's the fire?" Grandma exclaimed, reaching from her chair to help her granddaughter up. Upon looking her over, she got that glint in her eye and knew exactly what the rush was.

'Could she possibly be going to spend more time with him?'

"Well look at you, all dressed up! You trying to impress someone?"While Sam didn't originally think her look was that fancy today, apparently anything beyond the norm could raise a flag. And as she dusted herself off, she did have to give herself some credit: she cleaned up well.

She had ended up with purple flip-flops and black tights, paired with a purple skirt with lace trim to match the purple lace that accented her black tank top. She had let her hair fall down messy, barely even brushing it that morning as she had applied her standard purple eyeliner and lipstick. And it was all completed with the silver chains that she wore around her neck and wrists.

"Grandma, why can't I just dress up for once?" she asked, blushing.

"I know you too well kiddo–you only dress up this nice if your'e trying to impress someone so spill it! Did this Dash fellow finally apologize?"

'Let's see how well she gets out of this one.'The image of Dash making out with Paulina quickly found itself in Sam's head before she grimaced.

"Ewwww no! Grandma why would I ever!?"

"Well, who else would you be rushing off to see? Not good enough to introduce to your favorite Grandma?"

"You're my only Grandma…" Sam commented, starting to sound annoyed.

'Ok Sam, you win today, but I will get my answers soon.'

She gave her granddaughter a wink, which meant that the was done asking questions."Just go have fun, but be safe ok?"

Some days, she really wanted to slug her grandma, and yet she always ended up hugging her instead.

"Thanks, I won't be out too late."

--

Danny wanted to be a normal teenager for once, and today seemed like a good day to do it. But he also knew that the connection they shared was anything but normal. Could it really ever be normal?

Still, he couldn't help himself from swiping some 'human clothes' to wear on their outing, and thus found himself in a baggy t-shirt, torn jeans and a punk band baseball cap.

'Because nothing screams normal like this crap…'

When the clothing style had changed, he did not know, but he desperately wished that this was not what was considered cool.

'Blend in, just for a bit. Be normal'

Having agreed to try some normalcy also meant no flying, something he desperately wished for as he walked to the corner of Sam's street. She had refused to let him come around the house and risk being seen.

But as he approached, Danny found himself feeling anything but normal.

She was really an angel. Standing in her beautiful dark clothes underneath the street sign as she patiently waited.

Looking up and seeing him in his baggy clothes, she smiled and let out a small giggle.

"I know we said normal, but I think I preferred the ghost clothes." She laughed louder as he got closer.

"Really? Is it that obvious I don't belong here?" he joked back.

"So obvious!"

Whatever fear he had before quickly melted away. She didn't want some 'normal' high school boyfriend, she wanted him. The emotional, somewhat concealed, GHOST that he was.

Danny pulled off the cap, letting his messy white hair hang free, and threw it into the street.

"Ready to go?" he asked as they took each other's hands and began to walk.

"Ready, but I have one more question…" she said still smiling.

He nodded.

"Can we fly?"

--

Flying wasn't normal, and Sam didn't care. Normal was out the window the second Danny showed up.

'Who needs normal anyway?'

If she wanted normal, she wouldn't have found herself in this relationship to begin with.

"So where are we headed? The pier, a movie?"

"Better," he replied, glancing down at his dark angel before coming to a landing outside that same record store from before.

"The record store?"

"I figured it was time we got to know each other."

--

While he had spent a great deal of time atop the store, Danny had never found himself inside, and thus did not know what to expect.

During his time on Earth he had listened to a fair amount of music on the record player, all his favorites with their scratches and nicks from being listened to so often.

Naturally, walking in to a store full of CDs and computers was not was he expected.

Sam could see the shock on his face and started to laugh again.

"I think you need a little welcome to the millennium tour." She smiled as she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside,not even realizing that it wasn't as cold as it usually was.

The first aisle they went to was Sam's auto-pilot aisle: the heavy metal, gothic rock genres. She quickly grabbed a "Dumpty Humpty" CD and took Danny to a kiosk. All the while, he just went though the motions, unsure what to really think.

Handing the bewildered ghost the headphones, Sam couldn't help but chuckle as he tried to figure them out and, once he did, frowned at the music they omitted.

"People LIKE this?" he said rather loudly over the heavy drums and guitars that filled his ears. "How is this even music?"

"It's not music, it's a mood. Feeling. It takes me where I need to be when I need to be there," Sam explained.

'I guess I can understand that,' Danny thought, 'but I still wish it wasn't so explicit.'

After a few more seconds, and a lot of concealed laughter from Sam, Danny finally pulled off the phones.

"Do they have any Elvis? Ray Charles?"

"Who?" Sam asked somewhat jokingly as she walked him over to the "Oldies" section.

'Much better.'

Danny reached for a copy of "Heartbreak Hotel" and walked back over to the kiosk, fumbling to figure out how to put the CD in.

"Here, listen to this," he said five minutes later as he handed the headphones to a laughing Sam.

"Hmmmm I think I've heard my Grandma play this one before," she commented as she listened. "I remember vaguely liking it, but it's not Dumpty Humpty."

Sam winked as this, knowing full well that Danny needed some adjusting if he wanted to get used to this time.

Danny missed the wink, for at the mention of Grandma his mind went back to her and the possible connection there could be.

'Not today, not now. Stay cool. Be normal. Forget there could be a connection.'

"You're doing it again," Sam said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Doing what?" Danny asked, completely bewilderment in his voice.

"Flickering. Your glow. Every time you're around me you flicker…" Sam explained, hoping Danny may have an explanation.

"Really? I… I never noticed. "

'Add that to the list of things I need to investigate later.'

Seeing Danny's confusion, Sam quickly decided to change the subject.

"Here, let's try something in the middle," she said as they made their way to the "Classic Rock" section. She had a feeling he'd like what she was about to pick out.

"But close your eyes, I don't want you see the title."

"Really, we're playing that game now?" he joked as he put his hand over his eyes like a child.

'She's pretty cute when she jokes like that.'

Sam put the CD into the player and handed him half of the earphone, putting the other half onto her own ear.

With both their heads together under the same set of headphones, Danny found his cold body turning warm. The sound of guitars filled his ears and the words began to form.

"Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I'll say that something I wanna hold your hand…"

A smile on her face, Sam tried to turn her head to face him and the same time he turned to face her. They both had bit of blush in their cheeks and a small smile on their faces. They closed their eyes, knowing it was about to happen again...

CRASH!

The world stopped. They both jumped, losing their headphones, their song, their moment.

"Remember my name!"

Danny turned, his senses heightened as he saw a girl floating above the shelves.

She hadale blue skin, fiery teal hair, she was holding a guitar which was emitting ghostly musical notes left and right.

'This cannot be good…'

--

"You will remember my name!" she sang loudly as more notes filled the air. The people in the store had all stopped and turned, suddenly finding themselves clapping along with the ghost.

"Ember! Ember! Emberrrr!" they chanted as her hair blazed stronger.

'She's gotta be a ghost. But how did she get here?'

After the lunch lady yesterday, he had a feeling he'd start seeing more ghosts around town; with the Fentons always opening that portal, it was bound to let a few out. Still, he didn't quite feel prepared to battle any.

'Ok think, how can you take this one down?'

"Danny! Yesterday, the lunch ghost. Your hands! Remember?!"

Almost as if his body answered her words, he found his hands glowing green, the same way they had yesterday when he used his rays.

'This could work…'

He looked up, held out his hands, took aim, and prayed.

Green beams shot out of his hands and knocked the guitar half way across the room, catching the other ghost off guard.

"Well, if it isn't a little dipstick, coming out to play," she snarled, but without her guitar found herself unable to do much of anything.

'Ok, so the guitar is her power…'

Danny's hands glowed green again as he flew closer, taking aim once more at the guitar on the floor.

'Stronger, stronger, stronger…'

The guitar exploded in a cloud of green light, sending shards everywhere, while the rocker ghost just hovered, her hair slowly fizzing out.

"Not so tough without the guitar, are you?!" Danny shouted, some confidence coming back to his voice.

She opened her mouth to sing, but instead found nothing. Her powers were gone, and she had no more fans to bring them back, since they'd all scattered when the guitar exploded.

"You win this time, Babypop, but I'll be back. No one ever forgets Ember McClain!".

And with that, she flew out of the store in a huff, defeated and helpless.

--

The whole time Danny was battling the ghost, Sam found herself in the corner, behind the headphone kiosk, completely useless.

'There has got to be something I can do for Danny!' she kept thinking, even though there really wasn't.

Then she remembered: yesterday during the lunch incident, she had seen his hands glow green, something she had never expected. They had become powerful, useful, dangerous.

"Danny! Yesterday, the lunch ghost. Your hands! Remember?!" she shouted from her hiding place.

She could tell he heard her, for his hands began to glow as he took aim and knocked the guitar across the room.

'Yes!'

The battle continued as Sam watched on, wishing there was more she could do, but knowing that Danny could handle whatever came next. It wasn't until the ghost finally disappeared that she let out a sigh of relief and ran over to shaking Danny.

"Danny! You did it! You did it!" she said, jumping up and down like a little girl.

"Sam… How'd you remember… the beams? Weren't you passed out yesterday?"

"Sometimes when things are important they just come flooding back." She smiled.

--

While it hadn't been the date they were expecting, it had been a wonderful day in both their minds, and the walk home couldn't have been better.

"Seriously, you listen to THAT?!" Danny asked again of her tastes in music.

"It's not THAT BAD once you get used to it. Better than that bubble gum pop that all the radios play."

"Still, it's a bit intense don't you think?" Danny smiled.

"And 'Heartbreak Hotel' isn't? I never pegged you as an Elvis fan." Sam smiled back as she gently nudged him.

"What can I say, it was the times…"

They stopped, looked at each other and laughed.

The age gap, while apparent, was becoming a great quirk in the relationshipSomething about how things were then and how they were now kept the mood light and open, things they both needed so desperately lately.

"But really, what was that last one? I LOVED IT!" Danny found himself asked.

"'I Wanna Hold Your Hand.' I can't believe you weren't around for the Beatles!"

They stopped again, this time without the laughter, as Sam's eyes got big.

"I am sooo sorry! I never… I mean... I know you're … ugh!".

"Just stop, Sam. It's ok. I know. I'm not from here. This time. It's fine. I'm not… normal." He turned away, trying to hide the frustration in his face at the fact that things could never be normal between them.

"But… Danny… You don't have to be. I know it's weird. I know you're… a… ghost… But we can figure this out. I want to figure this out."

He turned back, a small smile forming on his face again, yet still showing a trace of sadness.

"Yea?"

"Yea. And you know why?"

She walked closer to him, wanting to make the first move this time. She leaned in, eyes closed, ready.

SMACK. Her head hit the ground.

Out of pure instinct, Danny had goneintangible at exactly the wrong moment.

"Shoot! Sam are you ok?" he asked, turning solid again and leaning down to pick her up.

"You need to warn me next time you do that." She said, rubbing her head and praying it wouldn't bruise.

"This is what I meant! I am not normal. I'm a ghost. I can shoot RAYS OF LIGHT from my hands. I can FLY! I can turn INVISIBLE without even trying. Half the time I can float THROUGH things! This can't work!" He turned away and began to walk the other direction.

'Why doesn't he understand? My life was normal before and I was miserable! I don't want that again. I need excitement. Unexpectedness. You!'

"Danny!"

He kept walking.

"Danny!"

Still walking.

"PHANTOM!"

That stopped him.

He turned around, a look of confusion in his face.

"Please Sam, just try to understand."

"I do understand. But I don't think you do. Don't you see? You've saved me time and time again. And you have never had to at all.".

She ran closer as he stood there, waiting.

"I think it's time I saved you."

And this time when she leaned in, he stayed as solid as a human.

[jenroseyokel]

Blogging, Goals, and Stuff About Influence (a brain dump)

The writing life is an interesting cycle. It goes sort of like this...

When summer is fading and September comes around, suddenly I have a deep urge to do ALL THE WRITING THINGS. Maybe it's because I was a nerd that never got over the excitement of back to school. Maybe it's all the notebooks on sale. Or maybe it's because I’m married to a college professor so when he heads back to work, part of me wants a fresh start at work too.

So, for a few months, I'm on it. Get the blog back in shape. Freshen up the design. Write up a schedule. Reignite that Tiny Letter. Plan a Write 31 Days series. Things are gonna be different. I will write. I will build. I've got something to say!

Christmas comes. Fall term ends. We spend the month between Christmas and late January catching up on movies and books, sneaking off for a weekend in the mountains, gently letting the old year go. And a second-guessing voice returns to my head: do you really want to do the blogging thing? You don't want that blogger life. You don't write the kind of stuff moms pin. Maybe focus on getting freelance gigs, focus on what your'e doing now, make things for others and their platforms?

And once again, writing for myself about the things I care about gets pushed further down the line.

And now, here's January again. This is Chris' first full week back at school. I have a maple latte on my right and a $3 Target day planner on my left. I don't even like using day planners, but somehow I think this little spiral notebook with calendars and blank pages inside and 2019 on the cover, dedicated to my writing work, will make me awesome at what I do?

Oh right, I was supposed to tell you and the Five Minute Friday community my thoughts on platform building. But here's the thing... I don't even know, because I struggle in the tension between hating the spotlight and wanting to be seen.

The truth is, platform still feels like an icky word. I still feel weird sharing my blog posts on Facebook. I'm not an influencer and I don't want to be. I both absorb all the blogging advice (self-hosted Wordpress! tag-based email service! sell a product! Instagram all the things!) and stubbornly resist everything the pros tell me (I host my blog on Tumblr and email people with a Tiny Letter and that's fine thankyouverymuch)

But there's also a part of me that hopes maybe, just maybe, to have a little influence. That hopes to be seen while hiding behind the screen.

(And yeah, it's kinda cool to get paid for all this writing.)

So it's January 29th. I am shaking off the dust my blog collected over winter break and attempting to tackle multiple writing projects I've been putting off. (Including my January Tiny Letter.) I have a list. I won't leave this table until one of them is done. And then I'll do another, and another.

I have hopes for 2019 -- like getting a new poetry book out, cracking 100 Tiny Letter subscribers (LARGE HINT :)), consistently posting at least one thing a week in this place. I make lofty writing goals every January, but staying in them... that's the struggle. It's a lot easier to take the trickle of work as it comes, to do what others ask me to do, to plod along through the days.

And then on the other side of that, I want to be faithful and present to my life, wise with words, slow to speak and quick to listen. those things don't seem super conducive to building influence.

And maybe that's okay.

Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash

This sloppy brain dump post is part of Platform Building Confessions: a special edition blog link-up at Five Minute Friday. Welcome if you’re visiting from FMF.... I tried my best to stay on topic! ;)

You can learn more about me and my blogging adventures at my About page, or click here to read some Posts of Blogging Past!

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 2: “My secret alliance is over before it even started” - Tyler

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f9uh2olp1Q&feature=youtu.be

Amy A.

Definitely more people coming up to talk to me and that makes me excited. Have had about 4 or 5 people tell me they wanna work with me and that’s amazing. Formed an alliance w Ryan and (totally forgot his name) called outsiders which is basically all of us not from USA. Hope they’re true allies. Excited for what’s going to happen next. 

Najwah

Tribal council was insane and intense. I understand why it's so easy for people to slip up when asked questions. My heart was racing to the point of me feeling nauseas haha. I can't believe we blindsided Neil. He took it well though. Aimee is feeling a little left out and I think she's taking it personally. I really like her though and would love to work with her too. I think it's about time we start a strong girls alliance. I may get Amy in on it too. And Sarah. We'll see. I can't guage where exactly I stand with people yet but people can lie lmao and I made more of those who lied very easily. Like James and Sarah. Watching them. 

Leanne

Mixed feelings on tribal. At least we are all still here, and at least I was on the right side of the boat. I didn’t have any bond with Neil so I didn’t care about seeing him voted out. But now I’m rethinking my relationship with Zach. What he decided to do today was dumb. Big moves just for the sake of big moves usually are. He kept repeating, the easy vote isn’t always the right vote, but sometimes it is, and I didn’t see a point in doing that, especially if it’s only for the sake of playing hard. You don’t play to go hard, you play to win! Of course I didn’t say that for three reasons. First, I didn’t care at all about Neil; he was perfectly expendable. Second, I still regard Zach as a close ally, at least for now. Third, once again no one will dare to be the dissenting voice. Right before Zach dropped that bomb shell, at least on me anyway, we were talking about how we trusted each other and wanted to go the distance together. He asked me who I was closest to, and I said him and Najwah. with Ben as a distant third, then floated the idea of starting a power trio with him and Ben. That’s when he told me Neil was the target. I asked whose idea it was, and he didn’t give me a name, he gave me reasons. I’m not sure if it was his move or not.

The other likely suspect is Cody, especially because when Zach brought the big group together, most were clueless... what’s going on here? Then Cody said, how about we summarize the events of the last hour? Well, I’d known about it for maybe a few minutes prior, but certainly not an hour. Cody at least knew about it before I did. I’m almost positive the idea was at least one of their’s.  right as it was all going down, when it was up in the air and I didn’t know which way it was going to go, Aimee messaged me and asked me for a name, and I told her Amy because at that point Zach made me promise to keep it confidential. I later found out that Zach wanted to bring her in but she had told him she was close to Neill. Oh, so *that’s* why you asked me who I was closest to. I’m wondering exactly who else he spoke to before he made the big group chat, and to what degree. He’s unpredictable, and I don’t like it. And in case I haven’t mentioned it, I very much don’t like making moves for the hell of it, with no good reason beyond that. But back to Aimee.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that she got left out of the vote. I was on the verge of messaging her privately and saying, I have new information but you have to promise it stays between us: I just found out the target is Neil, but vote Amy anyway in case he plays an idol. If I were her right now I’d be pissed and confused, and I wanted her to think I was on her side, and build a relationship, especially if she thinks everyone else is against her. But I didn’t trust her enough not to rat me out. Besides, the reason she was left out in the first place was because she was close to Neill. How close I don’t know, and I don’t know if she would have fought to protect him. So I am happy to have been included and on the right side of the numbers. It shows I’m not on the bottom tier, which seems to be Aimee, The outsider, and Amy, Who wasn’t around. And I knew she’d vote for me, I knew it, I knew it, because if I were her and didn’t have any information at all, that’s exactly what I’d do. Doesn’t mean I liked it but fair is fair.

The group consensus is that we can vote Amy as an easy vote next time. I just hope *someone* doesn’t flip again without a good reason. Amy TI am shocked, but also not shocked. I knew I was taking a HUGE risk not jumping on the initial video chat, but I slid through this vote. I had a feeling an alliance formed there. I almost reached out to a few I thought would be in that alliance before this vote, but didn't want to look like I was scrambling. I am thankful to make it through to the next round, and after today I no longer have company and will be semi settled into my new apartment, so I am really going to try to be more active in video calls so that I can bond better with my tribe.

I fear I am the next vote otherwise. I am also going to bring this up, and I don't know if I should, but I will say it anyway. I am actually quite disappointed in the vote, but it falls in line with the pattern of all survivor votes: first vote is most always a person of color or an elderly individual, and we have no one old. Sure, it's a coincidence, and I didn't really know Neil, but it's not a great pattern to uphold. But as others quoted Sandra, a will do the same: anyone but me. Now I am playing from the bottom, which is nerve-wracking.

Pedro A

i feel like i will sit out ..cause i dont feel good about this challenge

Pedro A

Also we came from Winning and if i screw it up...it will be all blamed on me...so its better if i just keep my name out of this one

John B

Watching the other tribe's tribal council has me stressed because it seems like Neil went because he was a threat. That does not sit well with me because I already have Ryan telling people I have the "winner vibes" I need to simultaneously kick it into high gear and keep a low profile if that's going to be the tone for the game. hopefully we can kill this challenge, this feels like something that is going to be up my Alley because I love Survivor Trivia. Hopefully this goes well because I do not want to get voted out!

Zack M

ok. setting a scene. let's pretend this is big brother. wrong show but play along with me. hey neil. if you seeing this, it's nothing personal. you were out of the chat all day yesterday and then had everyone eating out of your hand within 10 minutes of being back. you were ready to play but not as hard as me. i started with cody, worked it up through ben, added sarah into the mix, and then sprinkled the rest in. the recipe for your ending. sorry about it! hope to stay friends outside of the house. 

wait .... but srsly ... i did that. I CAUSED A BLINDSIDE. what?! i'm shook. i can't believe these people are listening to me. so wild. honestly knowing 4 people drafted me really put the fire in me. i always draft and i hate when i lose. this is me winning for me and you. feel free to venmo me to show your support.

in all honesty. it was strictly a game move. neil was a threat. we all saw it. that's it. i know i could possibly have a huge target on my back but i feel like i'm playing a strong social game. i hope the people in my final 4 trust me (sarah, ben, and cody) because i'm ride or die for them. i asked to make sure getting neil out wouldn't hurt their game. look at me being thoughtful. hopefully they notice it and hopefully the rest believe all the lies i tell him. because truly, it was so last minute. *evil smile* 

Zack M

am i confessing too much? i don't know BUT challenge 2 is survivor knowledge and i have none. -oop. i'm a fake fan. i live tweet and forget. hoping my team pulls this one out because i'm going to MCDs for some chicken nuggets and then continuing with my social game. 

also, amy thanked me for keeping her but she didn't thank any of the other people in my alliance. does amy know more than we think? also, your'e welcome amy. 

Pedro A

I feel this challenge will be a MESS...we will for sure lose, ...Tyler is not even seeing any of the messages...and some people are seeing the messages and not choosing A PAIR....i kinda feel like we will lose...the other tribe will bring they're A game....i just hope at this point...THAT A MIRACLE WILL HAPPEN

Tyler H

Ok I’m very upset my secret alliance is over before it even started! But I don’t think I’m in a bad spot right now, I think I’m growing an army slowly and all I can do is hope we don’t lose the next challenge and I can gain momentum 

James Hayden

https://youtu.be/hvUgCa6joQc

Aimee

NEIL! BUDDY! I’m soooo sorry!!!! I had no idea the majority was going to blindside you like that! It was just horrible to watch. I’m gonna play my heart out for you! You deserved a chance to play this game! I hope you make it on the real Survivor! I don’t understand what made these people so threatened by you, I did not see anything of the sort. You were voted out I guess because you were pleasant????? Well...We’ll have to play Dead by Daylight on PlayStation once this is over for me. Take care of yourself and I’m sure we’ll talk again real soon.

As far of my read on the game....I am not clueless. The second the votes were read I knew Amy voted for Leanne, Neil and I were set up to vote for Amy and everyone else voted for Neil. I messaged people who bold-faced lied to me about the vote and they all confirmed my suspicions without me having to say anything about it. Hahahahahha. Do these kids really think I am that simple? I might’ve been recruited but this is absolutely not my first rodeo. 

Oh, and for the record... and this is obvious: Leanne Zack and Sarah are all working together. You heard it here first. Guys, your messages to me are extremely telling. I guess I truly am Michelle playing this game now...how fitting. But get ready for your girl to pull all the stops from the underdog position. It’s where I honestly will thrive.

Already hopped right onto Amy before anyone got a chance to set me up and say “oh well Aimee wanted to vote for you”. Yeah that wasn’t even true, everyone adamantly told me to do that and it was the majority. They set her up too. Also checked back with my girl Najwah (think we are in it to win it), Cody, as well as James and Ben. (Hoping these guys are being genuine with me too) Think that is my best bet moving forward. All 4 of these people claimed they were told last minute...which I believe. NOBODY bothered to tell Amy anything. It is absolutely bizarre to me that they thought me and Neil were so close that they couldn’t tell me about that vote? All night and day no one said anything about the vote and I had the hunch that Zack probably had the most social capital out of anyone so I reached out to him first. He is honestly the biggest threat but it’s no kidding that he and Leanne chose Neil to be the target. Leanne absolutely shit the bed with the typing challenge! Okay? I tripled her score and I was not going that fast. Let me just talk about that again real quick....600 numbers in an hour?! Did that math.... that’s one number typed every five seconds. Did she like, stop typing and go grab a snack or text her friends on her phone or something? How is that possible?! Make it make sense. 

To be honest, for everyone not bothering messaging me after the vote to smooth things over and try preserve my relationship with them proves how sloppy they are being with this vote. AGAIN I had to be the one to reach out to almost everyone, just like yesterday. They think they are playing next level 4D chess but they are severely underestimating me. Could’ve been an easy vote but I guess people to want to make “big movez” even when it is detrimental for us as a tribe. I could cause a lot of damage and I have the knowledge; know that! If I made the jury, would I give them a vote for that kind of gameplay? Nope. I am keeping all this information in and playing it very chill and “yes girl” but I will absolutely strike when I need to. I have an ability to make people feel comfortable and trust me and maybe even feel guilt about how they treated me. I will ride that wave as far as I can until I can set up shop for the next vote. 

Zack M

here to nervous rant .. i thought got a strike because i sent a screenshot of my call log to a group i accidentally cheek called when a friend's phone disconnected. lol what?! trust me .. i know. TODAY HAS BEEN A DAY FOR ME. 

look the truth is .. i would do it again! i know there is a target on my back after switching the votes and getting neil out. i don't need anything extra working against me at the moment. breaking rules, lying, .... am i the bad boy of the season? because like i'm not cool enough for that title. 

Zack M

ok. i'm seriously over this challenge. who even knew survivor wiki was a thing? why would you remember / want to remember this stuff? i'm reading some of the things that the tribe is adding and thinking to myself, "did i even watch survivor?" 

the only thing i can remember is wendy freeing the chickens, kim not winning winners at war, and chris underwood's penis bulge. that's his last name, right? like i could literally draw it for you. why can't that be a challenge?

anyways, tomorrow should be fun. i'll have to pretend that i'm contributing if jay doesn't accept my idea to play the word game with their names. fingers crossed we win. however, i'm not too hopeful. i have a feeling the other team has some good players. is it bad i'm ready for the merge this early? also, if we don't lose ... what do i do with all that free time? how am i supposed to bond more? all i care about is making sure that ben, sarah, and cody stay loyal to me. i know i should want to merge with numbers but i think it's clear i like a challenge. i want a resume and a cover letter when i get to the end. 

Ryan

I've put so much effort into this challenge. Kinda desperately hoping that my tribe sees that and realise I'm valuable. Or more valuable then some at least

John B

Lol remember when I said I might throw Maddison under the bus? Well strike that because we are for sure working together now. We may be behind in the challenge but honestly I’m not worried because it’s super close so far and half the tribe hasn’t done anything yet so I think we will be fine. If we don’t end up pulling out the win my target will still probably be Ryan. I could see people going for Tyler or honestly even Amy (just because she’s not on very often) but if I have a say I definitely want Ryan out. I do not trust him at all. Hopefully it won’t come to that but at least I have a plan.

Alan B

I think this game is gonna be pretty hard to manage alongside work especially while covid has got my mental health just blasted, i might end up dropping out before my time, but for now i think i'll hold on for at least a little while longer

Zack M

omg we still have two hours left of this competition. i've done all i'm willing to do to pretend like was helping out. finger crossed the host doesn't share how many facts each person contributed. i would have like 3. lol. 

real note, i thought this game was one night like sequester. i didn't know what i was signing up for. i feel duped. but i needed a second to step away. i started out playing so hard. i need switch up my strategy. this is a sprint, not a marathon. i don't need to run the tribe. i just need to be in all the conversations. haha. 

i have a feeling we will be losing tonight so i'm just chilling. ready to see what everyone says. again, i feel like i have a huge target on my back.

i'm like kat on big brother last season, "are you bitches conspiring against me?"

the only people i haven't talked to one on one is james and najwah. james is in my 5. i'll have a conversation with him tonight or i'll have a conversation in the group of 5. one or the other. i feel like i should talk to najwah as well but i like is that obvious. maybe i'll start it right when the challenge is done, before we know if we won or lost. that's a little more chill, right? ugh. 

amy would be the easiest vote but i feel like she would be on my side. najwah is the only person i would care to vote out but i feel like cody and leanne are close to her. 

oh, not sure if i shared this but leanne wanted to start a trio with ben and i. that's cool. i like leanne so i'd like to keep her as long as possible.

this confession is starting to get lazy so i'm going to go back to watching real housewives of potomac. i'll check in win or lose .... because we have to. :) 

Alan B

I'm trying to be a team player so that we don't have to vote anyone out for as long as possible, but i feel like this is a bad strategy long term - especially once the merge happens then it'll be gone and i'll be a threat

Zack M

told you we were going to lose. that's it. that's the confessional. 

Olivia A

I’m super proud of us for winning the second challenge! I feel really good about my contribution and our team work. I think the excitement from continuing to win will keep motivating us and hopefully lead to a significant streak. 

Pedro A

im so happy that we won...even tho some people that dont understand the concept of  team work 

Maddison

This challenge really showed who is pulling their weight. Even though the doc was anonymous, the chat activity and general conversation led me to believe there are a couple of slackers that should be first to go when the time comes. I hope my tribemates don’t grow complacent after these two wins. The other tribe will be out for blood. 

Amy A

So far I’ve spoken privately with everyone except Tyler and some two others. So I’m guessing my social game isn’t shabby. Also, we WON again. Such a delight because I don’t want to do tribal council this early in the game. Idol hunting was a bust today too but hoping for the best. Madison and I seem to be getting closer by the day. She checks in with me most of the time and hypes me  up for challenges. Definitely want to be aligned with her. 

John B

Winning feels AMAZING, especially since half of the tribe hadn't started until half the time was gone. Our tribe feels really strong right now. That being said, I definitely noticed some people not participating as much as everyone else, Tyler disappeared and didn't contribute for most of the challenge. I think it is safe to say he will probably be first out from our tribe at this point if we lose, but who knows anything can happen. I'm still gunning for Ryan. Hopefully we can keep this positive momentum going. I am going to keep working on my alliance. I have all of the pieces with my relationships with Pedro, Maddison, Grae, Olivia, and kind of Alan, I just need to wait for the right time to bring the pieces together.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V96zovCVssg&feature=youtu.be

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RVOZFYZc24

Sarah

SORRY FOR THIS BRICK. Wow. There is too much to talk about after tonight. Lost another challenge in which everyone kicked ASS. This vote at tribal council is definitely not based on a lack of effort on anyone’s part. 

Right now, we have our majority of five (Cody, Zack, Ben, James, and I) so we can decide who goes home. We are leaning toward Amy (with a Y) because she’s not as available and we really need people on the tribe to be all in. We have made a large group with everyone but Amy saying it’s Amy so everyone feels included and we aren’t exposing our majority alliance. Of course we are worried that Aimee may be talking to Amy and expose all of us. Or that Amy has an idol so maybe a 7-1-1 vote would be safer. Amy is really just trying to get in a group and is reaching out to everyone to the point where she is copy and pasting her messages that she’s sending us. 😂 Leanne told Amy that people are saying Aimee so if we need to tell Amy that as well we can. I am a little worried about Leanne if she is telling lies that easily. I have really enjoyed getting to know my alliance well these past few days. HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN FOUR DAYS.  Zack is always bringing the comic relief and Ben and James are so loyal and genuine. Cody is my RIDE or DIE. I am hoping that people don’t catch on to how close we are but we do have so much trust in each other and just are always on the same page. Having a ride or die has always been my Survivor strategy. Cody and I are praying to those Survivor gods that we can stay on the same tribe come tribal swap time. Amy T

Right after challenge results 7/13. https://youtu.be/dC7ORD2w4BQ

Amy T

update 10pm pst 7/13. Well I have reached out to everyone and I am so confused. Right after the challenge Leanne threw out Aimee's name saying everyone is saying that. Which was odd because it was so soon. I quickly learned there is a large group chat which I'm not in, so it is possible. But I asked around and people either didn't say a name or know what they were doing, or they said they heard Aimee from Leanne. So here's where I stand either they are all saying the same thing to me and it's actually me going home. or Leanne is trying to run the show and she is making up who to vote for on a whim and then saying everyone is saying this. I tend to think that it's actually too early for them to have a large group. And I honestly think Leanne is misinforming people on purpose. I'm fine with whoever as long as it's not for me but it rubs me the wrong way to think somebody you know next to vote can just say my name or someone I'm working with name on a whim and just tell everyone that you know everyone is saying this and everyone goes with it. Because it seems like the last vote she also fed information to people. So as it stands now I am leaning towards Leanne but I haven't made a move on that because I'm scared I'm coming off as playing too hard and I know that's what got me all voted out. In the end it doesn't make a difference if they do have a large chat because they already know and I'm already gone but if that's not the case I Maybe the only one sticking their neck out. And maybe it's stupid me because it's not even my name on the shopping block that I know of. Well we'll see if I make it through this but if I do and if I can gather votes, There is a possibility to get numbers. I think I have Ben on my side Aimee on my side I think Zack is on my side unless he is close with Leanne and it seems like Cody might want to work with me. That everyone's lying to me and I'm going home so haha.

Leanne

Feeling a bit frustrated and discouraged at the moment; two losses will do that to you. Trying to organize my thoughts into something resembling order. I was relieved and optimistic when I saw what the challenge was going to be. We had a fighting chance. It was close and it was intense. These last few days on the whole have been intense, and I don’t think I realized that would be the case. There’s definitely a question of just how much I’m going to be willing to give to this. How many more times am I willing to stay up way too late because somebody wants to get on a call? How much more am I going to make myself available at damn near any hour to drop everything and jump on Skype every time it goes off? If you absent yourself from any of it you’re a target, and that’s what’s going on with Amy right now. I’ve been talking to a few people, most notably Zach and Ben, and the consensus seems to be Amy. I would be fine with this, but their reasoning alarmed me somewhat. They said Aimee had been going around talking to people, trying to figure out why she was left out of the vote. Well, she hasn’t been talking to me. Amy, on the other hand, has. We’ve had a few good conversations yesterday and the night before, and it doesn’t look like she’s talked to anyone else. So it would be a lot more beneficial for me to have her around, who is presumably talking to me over and above others, then to have Aimee, who is talking to others and not me. But I don’t think I’ll try to change things for a number of reasons, not least of which because I have no idea how to justify my position. Also I’m not sure how strong our little power trio is or isn’t, and I don’t want a repeat of last time, a shakeup just for the sake of a shakeup. Let’s not set the precedent that that’s a thing that will just happen. The tribe seems so unified against Amy. Cody put us all into a group without her and we all agreed summarily to get rid of her. She might have made a good ally but I think I may just have to sacrifice her; she probably isn’t worth fighting to protect. I reached out to Aimee... Best start trying to build that up. We got in a few superficial commiserations about losing but nothing more than that. I don’t feel good about her.

In other news, I’ve been trying to solicit info on the idol hunt, with little success. Najwah and I have taken similar paths. I asked her about it, and she got back to me, but she did so just as my turn was happening. I really wish I had more Intel on what’s on the mountain. Zach says he’s found nothing, and I hesitate to go there in case there’s something bad. I thought that earlier on but doubly so now that I know we have a disadvantage in the next challenge, dammit!!!!! I’m going to ask Najwah if hers was in the perfume, so I know what not to do. I’ve been considering trying to pole coins with her and go in together on the jewelry box or something. Haven’t decided yet. I may go up the mountain after all. First I want to ask a few of my tribemates where this disadvantage was. It tells us as a team not to go there, and if it’s a binary option, go left or right down the road for instants, and left leads to something bad... Well anyway I haven’t decided what to do yet.

Pedro A

Okay, so today I wanna talk to Kalle, Maddison, and Tyler...I didn't have the chance to talk to them yet...so I wanna see where they're head is at the moment.

Also, I feel like I can trust Alan... I gave them my coins...and now they have an idol...... I feel like they can trust me now....and also....i feel like we can use the idol to our advantage...since no one else knows were in an alliance..except for John.

John is my nº1 person in this game....which could later in the game kick my butt....I'm afraid he might be more respected than me down the line... I guess only time will tell...now I gotta go the bathroom byeeeee

James Hayden

Morning of day 5 and I'm nervous/paranoid AF! I talked to Ben last night for twenty minutes about short term and long term strategy. We both agreed that voting out Amy is everyone's best move and will cause the least amount of waves. I went to bed feeling good about my position in the game. This morning I woke up to a message from Sarah suggesting we do a 7-1-1 in case Amy has an idol. I responded saying I don't think she has an idol, but if she does should we do a 6-2-1, so we can decide who goes and avoid a revote? That was around 8:00am CST and she hasn't responded. I know she read it which is freaking me out. Did she just throw that out there to see my response and to throw me off he scent of my blindside???? I'm nervous that some shady shit's happening. 

I also sent a good morning message to the vote out Amy group chat around 8:45 and no one responded!!! We are active chatters and the fact that no one responded worries me. I hope I'm just overthinking this, which is on brand for me, and nothing bad will happen tonight. But I don't know. If it's me, I wouldn't be surprised. I hate that I'm thinking about this on day 5. I'm not even close to finishing this game. 

Note: Cody and Ben just responded in our group chat as I typed this. we may be good then??? 

Note: I lost power this morning, so I'm at my parents house who have power and AC. No AC in the summer in New Orleans is no good. I would've recorded this, but they're sleeping and I didn't want to disturb them.

Cody A

https://youtu.be/gSbNCp7UBLY

Leanne

So, idol hunt news. Go figure, I was so freaked out about finding a disadvantage that I didn’t want to do anything at all, and of course I went and got one. A certain Alanis Morissette verse about being afraid to fly comes to mind. I am now debating whether I should quietly tell a few people, so that people know what not to do. We are in serious need of a win here, and this next round isn’t looking good. I told Zach, in a, don’t make the same mistake, kind of way. Even though I don’t feel quite as fantastic about him as I did before the last tribal, I still do consider him an ally, at least for now. So for now I will give him good info about things, if only because I want good info from him in return. This next tribal should make things more clear. We were talking about Amy this morning. He said she’s scrambling and wanting to know where the vote is going, and pointing out how there’s a whole chat going on with everyone except her. So I said, in a way I hoped would get the message across, well at least we know that this is going to be easy and no crazy stuff and no drama. He affirmed that, and brought up several times the easy vote thing. So at least it looks like he doesn’t want to rock the boat. If something crazy happens between now and then he’ll be marked in my mental file folder as unpredictable and suspicious. If not then I will move forward trusting him.

John B

Alrighty, so many developments since the challenge ended. SO! Pedro and I have been talking about the possibility of a tribe swap/expansion which has us both STRESSED. I also found out that Alan has the immunity idol because Pedro donated some coins to them. This is great to know even though it is terrifying. Hopefully Alan and I are on good terms, I feel like we are but until we vote and we can see where everyone stands, who's to say. Kalle and I have been talking a lot more and I think we are definitely settling into an alliance. We are both getting bad vibes from Tyler which feels like the general consensus so far. He disappeared from the challenge yesterday which I think we all noticed. I love that we keep winning but I think if we go too long without a vote things might get messy. For now, we are perpetually in a state of the calm before the storm, at least I have Pedro.

Kalle N

While I'm glad that we won another challenge, I'm also sad bc this means we still don't really have to strategize. Thankfully people have still been reaching out to me though. The "rox the sox" alliance is still good I think even though it's been quiet and no strategy has really been discussed. I've been talking a lot to John, and we actually both started throwing out names of people we've talked to and who we don't like so far. John told me he's good with Pedro and Maddison after I said I was good with them (I said their names bc I know they've talked to almost everyone and I wanted to see if he would agree or give other names but he didn't). We also both agreed that we get bad vibes from Tyler which is reassuring bc I really want to vote him when we get the chance. He also said he trusts me 100% and wants to talk real strategy and I don't think he'd have any reason to lie to me yet so I'm also trusting him. 

Zack M

oop- i drank a bottle of wine last night and forgot to confess. my b. i mean, really nothing has changed. back to the first tribal vote .... it's amy's time. some of my alliance members want aimee out but i'm really trying hard to push that out of their mind. 

do i trust aimee? absolutely not. is she a bigger threat than amy? 100%. however, amy suffers from a common disease called "not being able to read the room". i know she is scared and she is scrambling but it's messy. when you are in the majority alliance and everyone is sharing that you're copying it pasting it's low key embarrassing and like that's nothing against amy! truly. she is a pleasure and like i would totally facetime her in the future and gossip with a beer. a lesson in the future if you're reading this amy, make sure to be around on night one! gotta build connections. also, copy and paste is not your friend. get creative. i always write these and then think at the end ... lol what if i go home?  i'm going to look so stupid. but honestly my social game is so strong right now. hoping it pays off. if not, whatever it's a compliment. let's be real for one second. we all know i'm the biggest threat on this tribe at the moment. if i fall from the top, at least i was at the top. and it was beautiful. oh and also cody and i thought we were slick and were going to get the idol at the market today so i gave him 5 coins. it wasn't the idol. that sucks. but i would rather be the one holding it so i'm not sweating it. 

Najwah

Yesterday's immunity challenge is still haunting me. I was literally working on that shit for over 12 hours and TRIED SO HARD, however it seems as though some people just didn't try at all? So many people were just tapped out and made ZERO effort. They're the same people that seem to be running things and making the big decisions? Also there is talk of someone having found the immunity idol. I approached Aimee with the idea of starting a women's alliance because honestly, I got annoyed at the guys (EXCEPT MY BOY CODY) yesterday. My alliance with Leanne seems solid. Sarah hasn't spoken to me since the first day. Today is also the first day of shark week so I feel very shit and tired. If I stay up until 3am only to be voted out I am going to be big mad. Zack reached out to me last night. I actually have a lot more in common with him. We have unanimously decided to vote Amy out but I don't really trust any of them.if it were real life survivor and I could see people's eyes and read their body language, I'd have made a move to somehow let Amy stay and get someone else out. Perhaps someone else is doing that and they're getting me out lmao. I can't believe we lost again. I hate it here. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2LsbITMPpw

Ben Kessler

Dear Confessional,

Hello Jay. It's me, Ben. Every tribal council makes me nervous but I will take these people down one by one using my charm and good looks. After 2 challenge losses, I'm fairly content just losing every challenge and voting all these paranoid people out one by one. I'm cool with that. Might make it happen, who knows. The Amy's are scary because they won't say anything concrete. But I am 20 years old and therefore invincible. If I get voted out tonight I am going to look like a dumbass. Feel free to send this to the VL. I will win this game but it is a marathon, and people are playing it like a sprint. 

John B

YIKES! As if he wasn’t already a Target Tyler just shot himself in the foot. He made such a rude comment about the other tribe and I am uncomfortable. I think if we lose it’s pretty set in stone who the first out is going to be at this point.

Olivia A

On my first idol hunt I went to the market and found the prices of various items. There was a jewelry box for 20 coins and I feel like there’s probably a clue or something in there. Right now I have 10 coins that I found in the boat and I’m hoping to find more so I can buy the jewelry box before anyone else does. 

Aimee

You know? This confessional would’ve looked a looooot different last night after we lost again and just the sheer amount of mind games going on, and anger and frustration but you know what! I feel like I have come full circle. This won’t be the same daily bitchfest as usual. At least not at the moment. Right, so, tonight I am either being blindsided, or I finally actually have my footing in this game. The vote will test that. I am going home...or not. All I can do is rely on my social skill and connections I have with people here who actually talk. I have my roots in almost every contestant and I am hearing things that match with other people are saying...so if I leave then EVERYONE is lying and EVERYONE had to play me not just some. It’s a little doubtful but anything can happen within fifteen minutes as we seen last time. Information is everything! I feel like although I am playing from the bottom, I am not playing blind. By having the Individual connections with people like Cody, Ben, Najwah, James, and Zack, I can compare and tell if what people are saying is true or not. Amy is another huge piece of the puzzle people overlook. I really wish Amy wasn’t on the outs and I really like her but everyone on this tribe formed a group chat without her in it and said it’s her. Interesting thing is, they have no idea how much I have talked to Amy and the tea she is spilling about what they’re saying too.

I learned that Leanne told her that they all had a group chat episode one as well that didn’t include her me or Neil fifteen minutes before the vote. Amy told me she is going around asking people who the vote is which Leanne apparently told her it was me. I think it’s a ploy so she votes me but the vote hopefully really is not. Knowing she is talking to people, I can cross check with the people who I am closest to in the game besides Amy. Which they confirm she is running around talking to everyone making people paranoid. The people I am closest to don’t want another fifteen minute thing again and are saying no one is talking to them and it makes them nervous and at least I am taking. Like........?????? That has been exactly the case. No one really seems to ever be talking?!?!?!?!? They say they trust me because Im not quiet and I don’t just spit names out at them last second. And guess what? That matches up because it’s how some people talk to me too. I caught people who never talk to me just coming up to me like episode one being like Sarah asking “are you okay with the vote?”  I’m like....uhhhh what vote? The one that I talked only with Zack about? Oh! So he told you? Great now I know you’re together hahahahaha.

Leanne is another one who doesn’t really talk to me at all but always seems to be leading the vote after someone. Other people confirm this with me too. Oh and don’t forget people using the SAME VOCAB WORDS I USED to one person and repeat them to me minutes later. Pretty obvious. I think by just playing a half way decent normal social game I can start really getting a foothold here if I can just make it through this vote. But apparently that is what made Neil such a threat last time. I have to adapt constantly, whether it is talk more or don’t talk too much. It’s really hard to play when no one says much to each other but that’s the mold I have to break through.

Grae G

Hewwooo uh so busted my ass on that challenge that shit was ROUGH but you know you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m officially aligned with: Olivia kalle Maddison (as an alliance), individuals: John, & Alan. I’m talking to Pedro and Amy but we aren’t aligned. I feel like I have pretty good movability W all the talking but I definitely get the sense that everyone is talking to one another far more than I am, but I just don’t have the time to do more :(( Tyler seems like the consensus first vote out if that has to happen but from there not sure what’s next for everybody. Honestly if we can keep winning cool because I’m nervous about my place in the tribe so if we don’t have to go to tribal alright be me. If I felt more confident w the ally’s if had I’d say differently... but ya! Feeling like ok at least bc I know people want to talk to me and are starting lots of convos with me so I know my approachability is going well. 

Zack M

tribal is coming up. the worst thing would be if amy and aimee are playing together. one of them has an idol that they play for amy and write down someone else.

i feel like that's a long shot though. if it does happen ... dear god, please don't let it be me. i wonder what i would do if i were amy. i feel like i would have been more vocal to more people at once. not just hit up people individually. i would have felt around to see who i think are in groups and message them. i really hope people are as obvious when they are voting me out as they have been with her because i have no problems addressing the entire tribe with gossip i may be hearing. can you imagine? first tribal, blindside. second tribal, fight? amy kept asking who "everyone" is ...... it would have been iconic if she messaged the entire group "leanne said everyone." i would have screamed. but that is my game, not hers. this is more fun then i thought it would be but i'm also so tired of it. thank you for helping me realize i don't actually want to be on the show. i also just found out the the VL people don't read this immediately and i'm bummed. but like i'm still going to act like they can. ugh, i love you guys. hopefully i'm still around tonight. xoxo.

Amy T

DAMN IT I SAW IT COMING like right after last tribal then I tried to play my way out and they convinced me it was Aimee. https://youtu.be/gHm3J6X9fvE < this was minutes before tribal. I was walking home earlier and almost made one simply "It's me." haha It's so funny because I kept almost saying "well it's either everyone is for Aimee or it's me" then there were just so many hints that it was me, but I was hoping to sneak my way in to the main active people and those willing to talk, who I think they are running the game. so I can't tell if zack is with leanne or what but I have a feeling ben and cody have a hand in running things based on how they jumped right at working with me and the timing of their responses lol. I am KICKING myself for not making a girls alliance. I hope they do it. But let's be real scores haven't been great against the other team. The youths are killing it haha! also everyone was nice, so as much as I want to be like EFF YOU, I did enjoy getting to know them even though they were openly lying to me hahahaha whoops damn it. I hope to play again when I can dive in day one instead of immediately being on the outs.

Amy T

Final after vote out thoughts : https://youtu.be/1hzWKy5aCVE

[tegamisim]

lizcrea replied to your post “lizcrea replied to your photo “I wonder if anyone has recolored this...”

Your'e welcome. I'm not sure about what Maxis Match is. I only use Pooklet and would extract texture pooklet colours for braids, the scalp, curly bits for my own retextures projects. Which I do for my Sims actually.

I guess maxis match are just the textures that resemble the Maxis textures closely? There’s many different kinds of them tho ;v;