#youre all welcome to add to it

[lightasthesun]

Comprehensive Lexicon Guide for First-Time SW Fic Readers:

Flimsi/Flimsiplast = Paper

Flimsiwork/Datawork = Paperwork

Stylus = Pen

Datapad = Tablet

Comlink/Comm = Communication Device/Phone

Binders = Handcuffs

Chronometer = Clock

Spectacles = Eyeglasses

Chrono = Watch

Conservator = Refrigerator

Caf = Coffee

Nerfburger = Hamburger

Blue milk = Milk (literally blue)

Hubba chips = French Fries

Sweet roll = Doughnut

Flatcakes = Pancakes

Tabac = Tobacco

HoloNet = World Wide Web

Holovision/HoloTV = Television

Holodrama/Holovids = Movie/Videos

Holocamera/Holocam = Camera

Holomap = three-dimensional map

Holojournal = Newspaper

Holocube = Picture frame

Holotable = Projector

Holoscanner = X-ray machine

Holojournalist = Reporter

Flatholo/Holograph = Photograph

Sonic Damper = Active Noise Cancellation

Refresher/Fresher= Bathroom

Sonic Bath = Bath

Sanisteam/Sonic shower = Waterless Shower

Hydrospanner = Wrench

Hydro Flask = Water Bottle

Power Cell/Energy Cell = Batteries

Authorization Chip = Decryption key

Datatape = Disk

Datastick = Flash drive

(Personal) Com Code = Phone number

Datachip = SD Card

Synthflesh = Synthetic skin

Glowrod = Flashlight

Sparkstick = Match

Slugthrower = Gun

Slug = Bullet

Vibroblade = a blade that can vibrate at high frequencies, increasing its cutting power and penetrating ability (tactical knife)

Rangefinder = Rifle scope

Turbolaser = Cannon

Ion pike/Vibropike = Spear

Electro Staff = Stun baton

Blaster = Pistol/Rifle

Stun Blaster = similar to a Taser

Landspeeder/Airspeeder/Speeder = Car

Turbolift = Elevator

Slideramp = Escalator

Starfighter = Fighter jet

Rotorcraft = Helicopter

Hoverpack/Jetpack= Jet pack

Speeder Bike = Motorcycle

Skylane = Traffic lane

Railspeeder/Hovertrain = Train

Power Chair/Hoverchair= Wheelchair

Windscreen = Windshield

Podracing = Car racing

Dejarik = Chess

Sabacc = Poker and Blackjack combined

Galactic Rebels = Combat simulator

B'shingh = Dungeons and dragons

Jizz = Jazz music

Wailer = Singer (ie. Jizz Wailer)

Cantina = Bar or Pup

Para Sailing = Paragliding

Aurebesh = Alphabet

Credits = Money

Sleeping Pallet = Bedroll

Naming Day = Birthday

Youngling = Child

Galactic Basic Standard/ Basic = English

Medkit/Medpac = First aid kit

Hypo = Syringe

Medic/Healer = Doctor

Medcenter = Hospital

Bactapatch = Bandaid

Nanoweave = Fabric

Transparisteel = Glass

Plastifoam = Packing material

Durasteel = Steel

Plasteel = Plastic

Duracrete = Concrete

Slicer = Hacker (slicing = hacking)

Identikit = Passport

Minder = Therapist

Synthleather = Vinyl

Viewport = Window

Cooling Unit = Air-conditioning

Honeydarter = Bee

Slythmonger = Drugdealer

Spice = Drugs

Stimpill = Caffeine pill

Power Socket = Plug

Cutters = Scissors

Cycle = Day

Standard Cycle = 24h

Standard Week = 5 days

Standard Month = 35 standard days

Standard Year = approx. ten months

Tenday = literally ten days

Cigarras/Smokes = Cigarettes

Click = Kilometer or 'a moment'

Parsec = a unit of distance

Tweezers/Clanker/tin head/tinnie = Droid

Separatist = Seppie

Promise Ring = Wedding Ring

Body Glove = Jumpsuit

Slicksuit = Wet suit

Civvies = Civilian clothing

Carbonite = a metal alloy used to freeze a person in a state of hibernation

Hyperdrive = device that allows a starship to travel faster than lightspeed

Moisture vaporator = device that can extract water from the air, commonly used on tatooine

Glareshades = Sunglasses

Gasser = Gas Oven

Repulsorlift = technology that can create an anti-gravity field and is used for levitating heavy objects

Heating unit = Heater

Utility Droid = Roomba

Sunbonnet = a Clone trooper helmet

Bad Batcher = a defective Clone Trooper

Banthabrain = birdbrain/ a stupid person

Bantha fodder = waste of space/nonsense

Blast! = word of exclamation

Blasted! = s.o in anger or annoyance

Blaster-brained = dimwitted

Blaster fodder = cannon fodder

Blast off = Piss off

Brainless = Stupid

Bug/Bugger = used to refer to Geonosians

Forceforsaken = godforsaken

Full of Poodoo = full of shit

Poodoo = Shit

Kriff = Fuck

Jedi scum = derogatory term for jedi

Kark = derogatory expletive

Larty = LAAT/i gunship

Laserbrain = insult

Meat droid = derogatory term for Clone Troopers

Redrobes = Palpatines guard

Rookie/Shinie = newly recruited Trooper

Scum = insult to refer to bounty hunters/rebels

Sharpie = Sharp-witted

Sithspawn/Sithspit/Hellspawn! = expletive

Sleemo = Slimeball

Son of a bantha = insult

Wizard! = Cool

Spaced = dead

Hutt-spawn = Bastard

Karabast = exclamation of dismay

Stang = Crap

Buckethead/Bucketbrain = derogatory term for Stormtroopers

Bucket = Helmet

Nat-born = Natural Born

Roger Roger = affirmative/copy that

Droid poppers = EMP grenade

Sitrep = short for situation report

Backwater Planet = any planet that isn't part of the core system

Holocron = device that can project a three-dimensional image of a person/object and is used for communication or entertainment.

Kessel Run = a risky Operation. Commonly used as a metaphor in impossible situations.

Thermal Detonator= device that can create a powerful explosion like a grenade or bomb

Ray Shield/Energy Shield = creates a (protective) barrier

Rebreather = device that allows a person to breathe underwater or in toxic environments

Phrases:

Wild goose chase = wild bantha chase

That's bantha shit = that's bullshit

As slippery as a greased Dug = untrustworthy

Credit for your thoughts = penny for your thoughts

Cut the poodoo = cut the crap

to get your gills in a twist = get upset about something

Holy mother of meteors = holy mother of god

Oh my skies/ Oh my stars = exclamation of surprise

Stars' end! = exclamation of disbelief

What in the blue blazes = exclamation

When Geonosis freezes over/When it snows on tatooine = extremely unlikely

Who pissed in your power supply = who pissed you off

Blast it = damn it

By the maker = exclamation of surprise

Great karking Dragon = expression of disbelief

Lothcat got your tongue = equivalent of 'cat got your tongue?'

Sod it = expression of frustration

[whollyjoly]

i was viscerally reminded of backwards ball cap!buck in jinx (4x06) and this demanded to be made

[lunavagans]

We all agree Vio reads a lot, right? He‘d probably need at least reading glasses fairly soon if his luck and that glorious Hero‘s Spirit let him down (shh, we ignore how that fits into him and archery for the sake of the bit). But (according to personal experience) before one gets dearly needed glasses, they typically run around doing… expressions. Just imagine that „calm and collected“ (to quote Red: „cool“) guy going

Blue: … This is getting embarassing.

Red: Don‘t insult his efforts, Blue :( You can do it, Vio!!!

Vio: At least I possess the reading proficiency required to have a chance at deciphering this sign.

Blue: WE SHARED A BODY THROUGHOUT SCHOOL!

Vio: That we did. And we‘ve established that not all memories are shared, didn‘t we?

Green: Alright, that‘s enough, guys. The sign reads „Do Not Keep Going, Visitors Unwelcome“, by the way.

Red: Oh, we should continue! Whoever‘s at the end of this path must be lonely from not getting any visitors :D

Vio: I agree, we should send Red ahead. That lonely person will be overwhelmed by his demeanor enough to not harm him and we can look around in the meantime.

Green: Maybe you‘ll go instead, your charming disposition today is sure to brighten up their day, as well.

[joron1a-stardustlor]

yk what?

Screw it, mobility hcs

Alejandro

Cane user

The robot suit healed most of him but mobility is still strainful so the interns gave him a cane

It was hooked cane and it was quite old

He hated it it was bland,brown,old,short, and uncomfortable.

After All Stars Heather and Alejandro saved up money to get him an actual cane

It was tall and had a fake (but real looking) ruby at the handle, it was brimmed with gold paint at the top edge toward the handle and the bottom edge

It had a custom golden pattern painted on it of a snake and an eel twirling aroung the cane

(For reference, Noah calls alejandro an eel, while heather has been called a snake)

Heather found it stupid

Alejandro loves it

Heather always fetches his cane for him, but sometimes playfully puts it away so Alejandro has no choice but to cling onto her

Heather likes carrying Alejandro around, wether it be on her back, on the shoulder, or princess/bridal style

Whenever he finds out he get playfully angry at heather, but she always gives it back

Heather has to often give massages to alejandro or fetch his medicine

Alejandro alway apologizes for this and feels guilty that heather has to be constantly looking after him

He often pays his respect by making Heather a delicious dinner every night

Heather pretends to hate it, but she likes taking care of him

Heather does feel bad for Alejandro and tries to be the best for him, but will still be mean to him and vice versa

When he accidently sat a table away from Noah and Owen at a fancy resturant, he hit noah where it hurts with his cane

He made sure it hurt

Tyler often visits and hold Alejandros cane while Heather makes some coffee for them

He finds it really cool and always wants to hold it

He likes complimenting alejandro on how tough he is for living like this

Hehe cutie patooties

Scott

again, trauma chair fixed mostly fixed him but not everything

Had nearly died due to loss of blood, and had been taken in by the medical resort on Playa des Losers

Was fully aware of his surrondings, just paralylized

His sister (Alberta) and his Papi took care of him

His family is poor and Scott sleeps with a matress on the floor, they were unable to give him any proper medical care other than letting his body heal itself

Once he was allowed out of the chair he just laid there on his mattress not even a singular pillow on it

Alberta was basically stuck to him, hugging him and crying on his chest wondering if he would even be able to make a full recovery, even if he was a bitch to her for most of her life and many other people she missed him

Scott could move around a little bit, whenever his sister cried and hugged him he always attempted to hug her with one arm to thank her

Once he was fully unparilyzed he had to use Leg braces (not the cast looking ones just the strapped ones) over his legs

He became very sensitive to sudden movements,loud noises/areas ,and bright lights

developed such a great fear for water he sprayed himself with a hose to shower and refused to even spill it on himself

His fear of water decreased over time,to the point he allowed himself to swim in pools but not open ocean,but the Galeophobia stuck with him forever

He tries to go someday without his Leg braces but he often just squirms and struggles to walk for a second before collapsing on the floor

Developed the worst sleep schedule, he has nightmares about when Fang attacked him often

Undiagnosed ptsd,depression and paranoia

Sam,Lightning and Brick go out with him often to hangout

Sam always brings candy incase he feels like jes about to pass out, Lightning and Brick are the huggers and scott brings his headphones to listen to music if it gets too loud

They take good care of Scott and try to make sure he lives happy

(Everyone in that friend group is mentally ill

Team dude >>>>>

Cameron

Occasional wheelchair user

Had a leg deficiancy as a kid and had to use a wheel chair for most of his childhood

He had to drink milk and take a lot of medicine to cure him of this when he was 13

Near death moment due to an accidental overdose but lived and made a full recovery

Diagnosed autism, he fixates on science,math,chemistry,robotics,etc and socially awkard,doesnt understand social norms and introverted cmon

Doctors office was basically his second home, visited about twice a month

He has other physical restraints that have physical activity be a difficulty for him

At the All Shits Finale after he had boulders dumped on him he was in the same wheelchair he had as a kid

He didnt grow much in height so it still fit him

For anyone wondering;

He had it customized for himself with a neck pillow, joystick and had painted parts of it red

Him,Gwen,Zoey and mike helped decorate it more with stickers,more paint and a small attached photograph of the four in a small slip

Huuurhfsggg them <33

Edit: pls speak ur mind in the rbs, id love to see if you have more or what you think about these hc :]

[slashaer]

like this for a starter from one of my d.imension 20 muses. specify muse (s) from under the cut, there's a little blurb about each to help:

ayda augefort. half phoenix in her 3rd incarnation. autistic. logical / analytical. owns a library of spells on a pirate island. daughter to the dean of a magical high school.

lady amangeaux. once queen of vegetania, her title was stripped from her once her husband, the king, died. caring, compassionate, and willing to fight for what's right. thoughtful and empathetic, she's trying not to become bitter with the war. has telepathy and can communicate nonverbally.

king amethar. rightful king of candia. man made of rock candy. nearly assassinated. not very good at being king, but he's learning alongside his wife and daughters. good in battle.

prince andhera. prince of air and darkness. awkward, hot, and muscular. done trying to make his mother proud - he's going to make himself and his friends proud, instead.

barry syx. number six of the nine barry clones. lost all of his brother clones to barry nine, who killed everyone but syx. big himbo, but happy to be here. good with guns. cyborg.

cody 'night angel' walsh. works at hot topic. into black clothes, satan, and kickass rock music. has a good heart beneath all the spikes and dark colors.

colin provolone. born of the dairy isles. daddy issues. a very loyal himbo who tries to do what's right. did not want to be a part of a war, but destiny had other plans.

delloso de la rue. mistrex of ceremonies at the bloom for over a millennia. needs everything to be perfect. has never enjoyed any of the festivities. has been hiding themself for too long - they're finally ready to show who they really are, and start living.

evan kelmp. wizard going to school for magic, and staving off the dark monsters and magic within him. orphaned, homeless, and a sad boi. bad at making friends, and has a bad temper, but a good heart.

fabian seacaster. son of a famous swashbuckler. pompous and very wealthy. acts as if he's above everyone else, because that's how he was raised. cares about his friends, even if he doesn't say it. has a talking, demonic motorcycle. loves to dance.

garthy o'brien. anasimar pirate and impresariex of the gold gardens. they trade in a lot of fine goods, especially magical items, and are known for their ability to break curses. nonbinary and badass. calm and pretty much unshakable. everyone wants to be with them. a bit of a flirt.

prince gerard. the frog prince. turned human when he married his wife, but cursed to turn back because of his cowardice. has anxiety, but learns how to fight and overcome his fears. still has his frog powers when he's a man once more.

gorgug thirstlespring. half orc. adopted, by gnome parents. emo teenager who likes music. trying to fight better. became an athlete with two of his friends. kind of sad. just wants to belong. now an artificer and builds great stuff, just like his mom and dad.

kingston brown. the man who knows everyone. protector of new york city. do no harm, but take no shit attitude. loves his parents. slow to trust, but loyal once he does. magical. vox populi.

kristen applebees. grew up in a religious home, now constantly questioning her faith and deities. recently found out she's a lesbian. laid back and chill, most of the time. philosophical in nature. smart, but a little clueless. absolutely built. worships the goddess of doubt. running for class president.

kugrash. 5 foot tall rat who travels through the subways of new york to help people struggling with homelessness. friends with santa claus. cares deeply about people and wants the world to change. has the mouth of a sailor, but means well.

pete conlan. also known as 'pete the plug' because he's a drug dealer. uses a lot of his own drugs because of a bad breakup. trans man who is estranged from his family. just learned magic and is absolutely tripping out.

pib. trickster spirit. familiar trapped in animal form due to his keeper dying. mischievous and always ready for a scheme. likes money. loyal as long as he likes you. good heart underneath it all. will change back into a human when he finds someone new to serve, or frees himself.

pinocchio. not a real boy, and never will be. warlock who gets his magic from his strings. used to lie a lot, but he's trying to be better. likes to tell jokes, but isn't the best at it. not very serious. drinks whiskey and eats bubblegum.

riz gukgak. wants to be a detective, so he's always investigating. carries a briefcase wherever he goes. acts too old for his age. drinks a lot of coffee. is always willing to take the stress off of his friends.

ruby rocks. one daughter of king amethar. twin to jet rocks. princess, but would rather perform in the circus. wants to be a part of the people and help them. has wild ambitions. practitioner of magical tricks.

sandra lynn faeth. fig's mother. has issues keeping partners. brave and willing to protect the kids at any cost. 100% mom coded, down to the mom jeans. great with a bow. has a griffon familiar.

theobald gumbar. a giant, pink gummy bear. knight of candia. loyal to the house of rocks. good in battle, not the best at casual conversation, but he's learning. will fight until the death, if needed. needs to relax a little bit.

[destielfanfic]

from the inbox, #10

I love to see new asks about post season 15 destiel fics but my answers are mostly the same, unfortunately. The usual disclaimer applies - our blog transitioned to archive in January 2018, during season 13, and our new fic recs drastically decreased.

Hello, could you recommend any plot-driven fics set post-15x20 that are a bit longer and also explore the relationship between Dean and Castiel? I'm mostly looking for something that is canon compliant (Dean dies and goes to heaven in 15x20)

I’ve answered similar asks on our previous from the inbox posts, so definitely check out those. But for the sake of convenience, here are some links - post 15x20 rec lists Happiness isn’t in the Having and Good things Do Happen . These are mostly short fics, but you can always check out the authors and see if they have longer fics. 

This is random, but do you know any fics where Dean starts dating cas because he feels bad? Something like dean dates castiel as a pity date? I've really been wanting to read something like that :p 

This is very random indeed! Especially if that is meant in a post 15x20 setting. I must admit I’m drawing a blank here. 

hi! not sure if this is the right place to ask this (if it’s not im rly sorry!) but can u rec me some destiel fics where like . dean thought they were dating all along and cas didn’t? sorry if it didn’t make a lot of sense! thanks  

And this is an opposite of the previous ask!

OK, guys, since there is huge interest in post finale destiel fics, I’m opening floor for follower recs/ self recs on this post. Please add in reblogs or notes destiel fics that fit these criteria: 

A - longer, plot driven post 15x20 fics that explore Dean and Cas relationship

B - fics where Dean takes Cas on a pity date after Cas confessed his love in 15x18; canon verse fics are preferred but if you have some AUs, feel free to add

C - fics where Dan thought they were dating while Cas had no idea

＊＊＊＊

We have some fic suggestions from our followers！

A - canon verse fics dealing with 15x20

The Blood Curse by Labgeek2002 [M, 32,700 word count]

Castiel has been rescued from the Empty, but the spell used to retrieve him tears a hole in the dimensional wall that acts as barrier protecting Earth from the pull of everlasting darkness. As the Empty feeds off of Castiel's grace to sustain itself, driving him closer to death with every passing minute, Dean becomes desperate to save him. The only way to repair the damage is for Dean, Sam, and Cas to travel back in time to obtain a witch's stone that's in the possession of John Winchester, circa 2002. A twenty-three year old Dean Winchester will serve as their guide as they navigate the tumultuous father-son relationship that transcends time itself before the Empty draws its final curtain.

Beyond This Illusion by tiaevans87 [NC-17, 161,400 word count]

“Are you serious, Dean? Your djinn-dream started with you dying?” Sam asks incredulously from the passenger seat on the way back to the bunker. “Well, technically it started with us going on a hunt,” Dean points out. He licks his lips, jaw clenching. “I mean, there was Heaven, too, and that was pretty cool.” Sam stares at him. “Unbelievable,” he breathes, scrunching his face up in distaste. When Dean glares at him, he holds his hands up defensively and chuckles weakly. “Sorry, man, but that just sounds pretty lame.” He leans back and folds his arms. “It just…I dunno. Kinda sounds like something Chuck would cook up. Just you and me. No one else. I mean, really?” He scoffs, slumping. *~*~* In which some people come back, Cas learns to be human (the right way, this time), Dean Winchester finally realizes that good things do happen, and they all get their version of the post-credits, apple-pie life they deserved. AKA: Screw Chuck's narrative.

B - Dean takes Cas on a pity date

On Labor by a_good_soldier [NC-17, 24,600 word count]

Cas is back from the Empty, and Dean knows how to be grateful.

because he wears cowboy boots by mmtion [NC-17, 65,300 word count]

When Cas comes back from the Empty, Dean has to rethink everything about their relationship, and Dean’s new, post-Chuck duty. He wants Cas to be happy and get what he wants. So, if he wants Dean, then he has him. Dean’s new responsibility is to be the best boyfriend Cas will ever want or need. If that means moving out of the bunker, and not driving the Impala, and letting Cas fuck him, then that’s what he has to do. It’s an easy deal. It should be an easy life. So how come Dean still can’t quite make sense of it?

[polarisbibliotheque]

About the time a guy was being creepy to me on a professional setting and my gut feeling told me "GET OUT NOW"

Ok, so hi! This post has to do with a reblog recently here in my blog, on one of my fics regarding Dante and Vergil with an s/o suffering from being hit on without their consent. I write Devil May Cry fanfiction and that was my way of coping with a CREEP being, well, a creep.

Who would've known, fanfic is therapeutical

My answer got so big, I decided to make a separate post about it - and I'm talking like this because, if this gets out the DMC sphere and other people read it, they'll understand the fandom talk a little bit. This is not just for the fandom, but everyone out there.

Including men. All of us are prone to being targets of creeps - even if I'll be telling about my experience as a woman, take this advice to your heart NO MATTER your gender.

When this episode happened in my life, I was 27 y/o, I think...? I got pushed into such a stupid corner by this guy who kept messaging me with "work related" stuff... And my family wasn't validating my "this is weird" feeling.

So... What happened?

(TW: I mention the words "rape" and "sexual abuse" but none of that has happened. It was a red flag and I want to talk about avoiding it like the plague and how people might dismiss your gut feeling when something is wrong. I write with brutal honesty, curse words and don't censor anything, because I'm here to tell people how it is not curating content to go viral on clean ~family friendly~ social media. This is honest advice I'd give someone else, so it's just a heads up. I'm a little jaded with all the censoring of "forbidden words" when you have to discuss serious subjects like this nowadays hahahaha)

First context, I'm a Lawyer. Hi. I know it doesn't sound like it Second context, I'm from Latin America. Hi again!

Well, in my country, we have to vote every couple of years for the National Lawyer Association President and Vice-President (for my USA people, it's like the BAR association for Lawyers - meaning only lawyers who have passed the BAR and are, indeed, full-fledged to the association and with a lawyer permit can vote). I hate it, but it is what it is, I have to vote every time for one of those posh speaking clowns or else.

This much older guy stopped me at the entrance to the voting building to do some political propaganda of one of the candidates. Expected. They weren't the ones I was gonna vote 'cause their agenda didn't fit what I wanted for the Association - nevertheless, I smiled and was polite. Guy wouldn't shut up, but that's a lawyer thing. Kept being polite, dismissed him kindly and went inside to vote.

As I came back, guy is there and stops me. I had called my mom to give me a ride home - by that time, I had been broke and without a job for 2 years up until that point, trying to get back into the ~lawyer business~ and recover from a very bad burnout, so paying a ride back home was a big no. I had my phone on my hand and kept chatting because, you know, networking. You never know.

Now, mind you. I'm about to celebrate my 30th birthday this year, but people seriously think I'm underage wherever I go. I have to literally show them my credentials and ID so they can believe a single word I say. This guy, must've been around his 50s or something - and I look like a teen or, at best, 20 years old. I graduated when I was 22, so that's the most he could've imagined I was.

As we're talking, dude is flexing his career so hard I start to do the same. He says he has known the President and influential people in politics (back then, far-right government, so red flag already waving in the horizon), he has an office both here and in New York and Miami, he has worked with the FBI (we're in Latin America, the USA stuff is a flex for far-right people). I say I have worked as the Labor Lawyer in a huge worldwide known multinational company, coordinated with people in the USA and UK, had around 100 cases to manage monthly and keep the company in order when the directors were not around.

Guy is impressed and asks for my contact on LinkedIn. I'm down for it, I'm looking for a job and he could be one hell of a way to get back on business. Dude mentions he's in digital law and, heck, I wanted so bad to get into digital law! It was like he was put in my way by the angels to help me get back on my feet!

He asks for my resumé and my cellphone number, so he can have me in his office to have a cup of coffee. I am soaring by now. "That's it!!" I think "That's my ticket back to being a lawyer, to having my own money, to breaking the cycle of unemployment and having my career back!" - so I do it! I give him my number!

hello, workaholic aunt here speaking, my career was everything to me, I'd do everything for it

After I got back home, told my mom everything, and everyone was so happy. That's when he started sending me messages - asking for my address so he could send me some lawyer magazines and such... Even though he had asked when we were talking before and I changed the subject. I didn't give him of course, but instead sent him my resumé.

So, next day he asks me about that coffee and I said we can make it happen... Even if he got my name wrong. I have a pretty exotic name in whatever country I go, so it's a common mistake, known to happen, no one can pronounce my name right if I don't teach them how to, so yeah. I'm willing to gloss over that.

I'm assuming he read my resumé, saw how smart, capable and hardworking I am, and wants to talk business. Wants to offer me a job. I'm super ready. I'm taking my business clothes out of the closet, I'm cleaning my high heel black boots, I'm checking my references and vocabulary so I don't screw up. Guy sends a message saying he wants to take me out for lunch.

Red flag. My instincts flare up and I'm just staring at the screen. I start reviewing everything. I mean... Business lunches are ok, right? I had lunches with my manager and director plenty of times back in the day and it never got weird. So... Why was I feeling weird now...?

Guy says we can go out for lunch and then back at his office so he can show me around. I was like "hmmm... ok? shouldn't be weird. this is normal." but nevertheless I went to check with my mom and my sister.

Both said it was fine. I was feeling weird because it's a guy and me and I shouldn't be feeling uneasy - it's my social anxiety/workplace trauma talking. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I shouldn't screw up.

I keep talking to him. I ask where we should meet up for this lunch and he tells me to give him my address, so he could pick me up and we can go to "a nice place to have lunch" (his words, not mine).

Red flags are dancing around my head. I keep thinking "have I lead him on something????" and going mad. What was I wearing? Only work clothes, that's all - suit pants, black high heel boots, dark silk shirt and only a nude lipstick so my lips wouldn't get chapped. My shirt didn't even show cleavage.

It's ridiculous how I feel this is a thing I should add 'cause heaven forbid the cleavage

What about what I've said? Did I accidentally flirt?? 'Cause that's been known to happen - I'm a clueless ace who can't for the life of me notice when people are flirting or not or notice when people think I'm flirting with them. And usually when they are not flirting or being attractive, that's when the magic happens for me! So... What gives?! Did I do something wrong, that sent the wrong message?

I mean, I was nice, yes. But you're supposed to be nice to people. I'm not gonna be rude just because most guys can't keep it in their pants.

I go over the messages. I didn't do anything strictly not business like. I'm very good at that. I have only worked responding to men as bosses in my life, had four male bosses before him, all different ages, marital status, star signs, backgrounds, lives. The best colleagues and co-workers I used to spend hours having coffee and laughing with were men. So I know how to keep professional and not mixing things up. It wasn't a slip up from my side.

Well, then there's always the chance I was going crazy and overreacting, soooo... I go over to my mom and sister. They think it's weird, yes, but they do think that's exactly what's going on: I'm overreacting and my social anxiety/workplace trauma is blocking me from pursuing this opportunity that can help my career - and make me have a salary again so I can help at home.

Ok. I though up and go back to talking to him. I tell him fine but I'll go to the place myself, so he can tell me where he's thinking about having lunch. Guy tells me nothing and keeps insisting I give him my address and he will give me a ride so we can "get to know each other better".

My GODS I've never felt so uncomfortable. Not even when I had to stay ONLY with my boss working until 1 am, only the two of us in the company building, every light out except the one in the room we were in, him being around 15 years older than me and very confident, with the two of us having one of the best work chemistry I had in my LIFE.

He could've done ANYTHING to me, but we only talked strictly work. We were tired, he waited for my mom to pick me up at 1 am outside so nothing bad would happen to me, both of us under an umbrella, he apologized to my mom for having me stay at work so late and then went back home to his wife and kid. I NEVER, at ANY moment felt unsafe around him. He was my mentor, he was my boss, he was a good colleague and even somewhat of a friend.

So why on EARTH was I feeling SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this guy I had only met ONCE face to face in my life?

I start to voice my concerns. My mom and my sister think I'm only saying that because I don't want to go back to work. That I want to throw my career away because I can't control my anxiety and my feelings. We fight a couple of times and a couple of days. My mom tells my aunt about it. My aunt goes full FBI and does a background check on this dude.

That's when she told my mom some things weren't adding up. His LinkedIn profile was a little too weird and he had no ties whatsoever with the elected President of the Lawyer Association - was he really someone in their team for propaganda? Nevertheless, he did have an office and did work with digital law, both here and in the USA. I shouldn't let this opportunity slip.

I got so mad. SO MAD. To the point my sister decided to ask her boyfriend for his opinion on all of it and he was like "hey... your sister is kinda right. guy wouldn't offer to take ME to a nice restaurant to have lunch and go to his office later for a coffee, would he...? I mean, this never happened to me" - and sis' boyfriend is on the business meetings and negotiations/selling part of the spectrum. He knows what he's talking about.

So now I finally have a man validating my concerns.

I take the decision to shut the whole thing down. I go "very well, I will NOT meet him, I will NOT maintain contact with him, he's treating me like a whore he picked up on the street". At this point, I am FUCKING FUMING. But still, my sister and mom gave him the benefit of the doubt and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

So I decided to marinate him for a while.

I should note that all his messages were sent close or around midnight, not at working hours. And I only answered at working hours. Since I was taking a while to respond, my dude just goes like, and I kid you not, "ooooh she's not answering, she's ignoring me, I don't like that *sad emoji*" LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD (no offense, 13 y/o peoples, but this dude is a FULL GROWN ASS MAN).

I am offended, I am flabbergasted and I wish I could suplex him to oblivion.

I show my mom the message. She just stares at me in awe. She FINALLY is like "yeah, ok, this isn't very professional". ALL THIS TIME, I never really told her what I was thinking and what was really worrying me. And then I break her the news that, what I'm really afraid of, is that this guy is going to rape me in his car. Or he's going to drive me somewhere I can't fight or scream and then he'll rape me. Whatever the scenario, it ended up with me being raped and I was scared. SO. FUCKING. SCARED.

My mom goes into Sphinx mode - that's when she doesn't answer and doesn't even look at me and just ~thinks~. It's a brutal reality she doesn't like and I don't like it either, I mean, it's my safety we're talking about here.

I shut down the guy completely. I tell him there's a family emergency and I couldn't continue to give him any attention nor I could go out for that lunch and I couldn't talk anymore. He SUDDENLY goes cold and "I am sorry if any of my messages seemed inconvenient. Do answer when you have the time so we can make an appointment." And that's it. No more messages. He's done in my book.

My mom tells my aunt. Aunt goes Sherlock Holmes mode this time and, lo and behold, they find an website of this guy's office. My mom is shocked at how 90's internet it looks for a guy who works with digital law. She then recognizes the address of the office but the doesn't remember of any office building in that street - so she Googles it.

His "office" is actually a residential building - meaning, it was his home address. She shows it to me and I want to cry - out of rage, shame, fear, sadness. I go like "yeah, this is the place he wanted me to go, to his home. What was he going to do to me there, huh?" - and I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Later, speaking to my sister, she's like "I dunno why you're so mad" and I'm like "WELL MISS I just got PICKED UP LIKE A WHORE outside of an OFFICIAL EVENT for the NATIONAL LAWYER ASSOCIATION while I was DRESSED UP PROFESSIONALLY and looking for PROFESSIONAL opportunities and I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED. I think I have all the right in the FUCKING WORLD to be FUMING."

That's when we diverged some more. She just said like "hey that's how the world works: women are treated like whores - you weren't the first one to have this happen to you and you won't be the last. What are you gonna do about it? Get over it."

Oh. Boy. I looked at my sister's eyes. I saw her just staring at me weirdly. A storm was approaching. The skies darkened. Bury the Light started playing in the background. Vergil's doppelgänger was standing behind me like an angel of death. (All DMC references for my non-DMC peoples)

"Well. I wanna have power. So much fucking power in this world that no one ever even thinks about treating me like that again. So much power they will fear standing in front of me and saying those words - they will look into my eyes and shut up. So much power I will never be afraid to walk on my own again and I will never have to doubt my feelings when I'm feeling unsafe because some lowlife pitiful little shit decided I should be a whore to satisfy him. I want to have power so I will never be this helpless again."

Cue in my sister just sitting there with butter in the slice of bread in her hand, staring at me like "wtf man... do you need a hug...?" and me doing a dramatic exit back to my room to, well... Write the fanfic in question.

(For my DMC creatures: I never even thought of Vergil when I said all of this, I just noted that thought later in my diary and reading it a couple of days later I was like "omg I have become my worst enemy, fuck you Verge" because I kid you not, I used to hate this man with all the fibers of my being - hence where my longfic Nemesis came from. I realized I lived long enough to become my worst enemy - and maybe I hated him because Vergil made me look at the part of myself I didn't like and didn't want to admit existed *I'm laughing while writing this, I do find it weirdly amusing*)

DMC things aside, this WHOLE episode made me feel so frustrated. I never had anyone to validate me, only people doubting me or asking me if I lead him on, or what was I wearing, or if I smiled too much, if I was being too nice, if I said something inappropriate, and so on. I had to get it all off my chest and I thought maybe, juuuust maybe, Dante and Vergil would've been more supportive regarding that.

Because, you know, they know trauma and they are protective as fuck. They can have all the red flags and mental issues in this world, but I don't think they would EVER dismiss their partner - especially a woman - feeling unsafe and fearing being abused or raped. In order to trust, you have to give the person and opportunity and room to open up to you without judgements - and I do think they aren't very judgy people.

I mean, they are demons, for fuck's sake. They can't judge anything especially Vergil

Also, I don't blame my mom nor my sister (even if I got really mad at her). In the end, both of them wanted what was best for me, they thought it was an opportunity and wanted me to get my career back. Truth is, no woman knows how to act when this happens. And they didn't know how to act as well. They didn't want to think of the worst: just like I was doubting myself and my own feelings, they were doubting theirs as well. We ALL had to be validated by a man to admit something was wrong and we weren't hysterical.

Ok, ok, storytime over. But I felt like sharing this because people, you are ALWAYS valid in your concerns - and there's no clothing, no smile, no attitude, no NOTHING that JUSTIFIES abuse. If you're abused or feeling like someone wants to take advantage of you, especially sexually, YOUR FEELINGS AND FEARS ARE VALID. Don't shrug it off or water it down just because people are saying you're overreacting - if I had listened to everyone around me instead of my gut feeling that something was REALLY wrong, only the gods know what would've happened. But I'll tell ya, it probably wouldn't have been good for me.

At best, I'd be mad this guy would want to pick me up like a whore and I'd have to turn him down and take a ride home. At worst, he would've raped me - in his car, at the "restaurant", at his "office". We don't know, but I didn't want to "give luck to bad luck" as we say where I live.

I didn't have support, so I wrote a story to feel supported by the fictional characters I look up to - I wished SO bad I was dating someone, especially a man, who'd tell me he'd go through hell and back to keep me safe and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me and validate my feelings. Someone who would make me feel safe and I wouldn't have to only rely on myself.

cue in V saying he too wanted to be loved and protected, I tell you, all this time I thought I hated Vergil when I had only found my nemesis in a mirror

So, don't ever doubt yourselves. Don't ever doubt your gut feelings. We might want validation and someone to keep us safe, but sometimes we don't have that and have to rely on our survival mode. It sucks, but there's a reason why that thing is called "survival": it keeps you alive. It keeps you going.

And no one, NO ONE has the right to say you're overreacting, you're being hysterical, you're reading too much into it, you're just trying to find the easy way out, you just don't want an opportunity because you're lazy, you're crazy and deranged, etc, etc.

If your gut is flapping red flags all around, then overreact. Be hysterical. Read too much into it, find the easy way out, be lazy, be crazy and deranged. Be the villain. Be the bad person. You're not perfect. You're not a princess. Be comfortable with people telling you you're bad - but never NEVER let go of your gut feeling when your safety is on the line.

That fucking thing WILL save your life. Being too nice, though, might not. Listen to yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and, again, don't be afraid to be bad.

Someday you might just find your half-demon man who will support you, protect you and treat you as an equal powerhouse, but until that day, keep on conquering your self-esteem and unwavering will.

I'm just saying all of this now because:

1 - I was too scared to talk about this for a looong time afraid the guy in question would find this, know it's me and my safety would be on the line again

2 - Just now I'm getting comfortable with the concept of being "seen as the villain" and being "seen as bad". My whole life I have been dancing around this because people always said I had a "difficult" personality. I watched Cruella recently and it hit home so hard. We do have things to learn from villainous characters and maybe this is just who I am. People are going to see me as bad so, who cares. Even if I'm not, it would do me good getting used to that idea - I can be more assertive to my boundaries and not allow any of this to happen again. So, there you go. It's an exercise everyone should do. Are you comfortable defending your ideas, your boundaries and your integrity even if people are mad you're not being a pushover/perfectly polite?

It's something I think all of us should think about ;)

Also

thanks for coming to my TED Talk :')

[storytellering]

if it's okay, would you mind sharing your art process? your style is SO gorgeous dude. keep it up spardacest nation!!!

Thank you so much anon, and of course! I kinda posted about it on twitter a while ago, but for anyone not also on there, here's a paraphrasing of what I said there! (under a cut bc it's gonna get a bit long)

(speedpaint video from procreate mostly bc like I also said in that post, it's one of the few pieces I've done entirely on procreate and thus entirely recorded kdfjhdk I usually don't do the sketching + painting parts on there but every now and then I get lazy and want to get it all done quick in one program lol! It's not as good as it would look if I were using krita to render (which is what I normally use) but it gets the idea across decently of what it is that I do)

The short version of my process is: sketch, clean up sketch for lineart, then flat colors, then paint over the flats (i make the flats my shadows and paint on the light), then a multiply layer for skin details (like lips, eyebags, etc), then an overlay layer for skin transparency details (red over the ears/nose/fingertips etc), then i do hair over the lineart, then a multiply layer with the contact shadows in a light beige/grey/neutral tone on top of everything else, and then i unify layers, paint over the details, and color correct the HELL out of it The longer version is: SO, first of all, I will say, my entire process for a finished/fully redered piece is pretty scattered and uses a lot of different apps, because after many years of trying out different drawing apps I found that I just worked better when I could incorporate the parts I liked best from each individual one rather than having to adapt to another app entirely! In total, what I use is: autodesk sketchbook and procreate for the first half I do on my ipad, then krita and photoshop on my computer when I'm actually rendering (but any photo editing app instead of ps will do, I'm just used to photoshop bc that's what I learned as my first drawing app WAAAY back in the day lol), and then meitu on my phone for color filters (also any phone editing app with filters in it will do), AND also optional just for references: blender and daz3d on computer + magicposer on my phone The actual step by step of what I do: First of all, if I want to do a detailed, well rendered piece I will start by getting my references ready. That means either just grabbing a screenshot from the game if it's like, a simple portrait, or a photo reference, taking a picture of myself in the right pose/lighting, and if it's something more complex I will recreate the scene in Daz3D to simulate a realistic lighting, OR even just blender (i have the game models for the dmc characters downloaded, so I can just pop them in, pose them and change the lighting to get a realistic idea of what shadows their faces will cast in that specific angle/lighting.) Note: references are pretty essential to me, and there's nothing to be ashamed about for using them! Personally I don't struggle a lot with the drawing/sketching part of art, but my tiny little pea brain cannot fathom how to make an object 3D in my mind, and how to visualize shadows realistically... thus the reliance on 3D programs to do that for me, and then all I have to do is draw what I'm seeing lol. My art improved significantly ever since I started making 3D refs so I could get /exactly/ what I needed - there's still a lot of leeway you need to learn though, because as realistic as the lighting will be in a rendering program, you'll never really get a fully natural looking image, as far as stuff like the body stretching/squishing/pulling when it's in movement, facial expressions, folds in clothing/fabric, etc... so really it's more a guide than something meant to be followed 1:1.

Then, once I'm confident I know exactly what I'm gonna draw/have the idea in my head, I start sketching it in sketchbook. Not really getting very in depth, just blocking out rough shapes - I like sketchbook and to be on my ipad for that because it feels very reminiscent of traditional sketching on paper to me, which while I'm not super confident on my traditional art abilities, I do get the most natural/fluid/non-stiff figures out that way. Then when I think I have the general idea ready, I export the sketch layer as a png and import it into procreate - which is where I kinda start picking at the sketch and polishing it like i'm carving it out haha. Lots of liquify tool, flipping the canvas to check if it's even, blending out some of the lineart to help out with the rendering later, and then polishing up what was once the sketch into serviceable lineart. I usually reimport it back into sketchbook at this stage - while I like procreate for drawing I don't love the brushes I can use for lineart there, and so I usually only draw the "base" naked figure in there - when I'm in sketchbook I use a hard pencil to refine the details, then on a separate layer add all the things "on top" like hair, clothing, etc - usually I can get it pretty easily in one go, and once I'm satisfied I erase the naked body under the clothes and unify the lineart layers. Then I will just do the flats with a hard brush, turning the lineart layer into an overlay layer and coloring things in with the shadow colors. At this point, I export the file as a psd and import it on my computer - I give it a once over in photoshop first to see if there needs to be any adjusting (like whether any layer that has an effect needs to have a different effect, if all the colors look right since the ipad screen isn't the most faithful, if i wanna change the background color, etc), and once I think it's ready enough, I open it up in krita, where I do the actual bulk of the painting/rendering (as to why specifically krita: it's because I've gotten very comfortable with the brush/painting brush dynamics there and cannot seem to get as good results anywhere else, it's just the goldilocks spot of a brush for me haha.) If anyone's curious, here's the brushes I usually use for painting:

The one in the middle is my go to painting brush, left one for tinier/more refined details, right one for blending out soft shadows (though I learned the hard way to not overuse it, or it will look like I went ham with an airbrush tool lol). (I don't change any of the settings on these brushes, so if you wanna try out the exact ones I use! Just fresh off how they come out the app haha) I paint on the lights on top of the shadows, and just focus on that for the time being - once I'm done with the basic painting, I'll make a separate multiply layer for details like lip color, eye waterlines, makeup if there is any, eyebags, etc, and then adjust the opacity until it feels right - then I'll make an overlay layer with skin translucency details (like, when you hold your hands in front of a light and see the tips of your fingers become bright orange - many parts of your body are always a bit translucent to the blood underneath, specifically parts where the skin is thin like noses, cheeks, joints, knuckles, etc, and I found it makes the character look a lot more alive to add that subtle coloring in) - then usually I do hair on a separate layer on top of the lineart (because that way I can add small flyaways, more details, etc, and just use the lineart as a guide) After that, I'll usually make a multiply layer on top of everything where I'll add contact shadows in a neutral color (usually pretty pale, it'll be darker anyway since it's multiply), and once I feel like I've rendered everything out properly, I save the psd and re-open it on photoshop.

In photoshop, I'll mess around with the layers a little bit more (changing hue/saturation, opacity, etc), fuck around with the background to make it look pleasing, and once I'm happy with it, I'll unify the layers and start color correcting - usually by duplicating the unified layer and messing with the curve/hsl of the image and then changing the opacity of that edited layer until it's as strong or muted as I want it to be - then I also edit the RGB curves individually and adjust the opacity of that also (because I just really like how it ends up looking if I give a bit of a red/warm tint to the shadows lol), and at that point often I will reimport the finished image into procreate for some finalizing touches! Like, blending out shadows that came out too harshly, painting over anything that came out not the way I wanted it, redefining the lineart if it got messy during painting, and adding any extra small detail that might have gotten lost like catchlights, hair shines, hair flyaways, tears, etc. I also do one last round of flipping the canvas and liquify if needed! At this point, I export the finished image both to my computer and my phone - on my phone I open it up on the photo editing app, and add a bunch of different color filters - I don't hesitate from going completely balls to the walls here, and just kinda applying as many filters as will make an image look pleasing to my eye. Once I think it looks good, I'll export the edited image to my computer - and then open both the version without filters and the one with them on photoshop, and use the filtered version as an opacity layer, and adjust it until it doesn't look as crazy anymore lol. One last step I recently started incorporating was also changing the image to grayscale after I'm done, and doing one last round of curves in greyscale to make sure the values look right, and nothing is getting too lost because the values are too similar (because i know i get a bit swept up in getting repulsed by harsh contrasting lighting and can end up washing out all of rendering if I don't check myself kjdfgk) AND that's it! Yes it's a pretty long and chaotic process, but it's coming from years of trial and error and realizing I can just let myself fo whatever makes me happier with the results, and I don't have to stay constrained to one program if I don't like every tool it has to offer/don't have to accept the final image fresh off the painting app as the "finished" image with no adjustments allowed after, lol. I don't find it takes a lot more time than if I didn't do it this way, but YMMV. Hope this was helpful and sorry for taking so long to explain! I just wanted to give a thorough explanation dfhdkhkx

[demetrius-haggarty]

Shrub Club: Episode 2

Demetrius walks all over the castle grounds to make sure he finds the perfect location for the Shrub Club’s greenhouse. The duo comprising of a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor got all the paperwork out of the way so that Meech can finally claim a location for their own meeting space.

It is right outside of the main Herbology building in a small secluded area. There are no flowerbeds here that would be destroyed nor are there trees in the middle to take down. Just some beehives to the side which can even be helpful depending on what they decide to grow. Having spent quite some time in this location, Demetrius comes to a conclusion that it does get plenty of sunlight as well, unlike the area right underneath that he considered first.

The farmer boy has all the instruments needed for building with him. Although he has never constructed something like this on his own before, he helped his gramps plenty of times. This should not be hard considering that all of his club members volunteered to help out as well. Meech feels rather relived at that: his magic is only good for certain things, practical things. There is no Quidditch practice this weekend so the Gryffindor is set on finishing his part of the construction in two days.

He places charms on the instruments, commanding them to do as he wills. Some of the stone and wood he had already levitated to this area during his preliminary observations of the grounds. Stone goes for the base, and wood — for the building frame. It might look rather basic and but with the help of others the greenhouse would surely flourish. The glass and the decorations? Some protective charms? Maybe even something that can make the inside of the greenhouse bigger than the outside? He is sure that the girls will have it covered.

Having talked to @theodoradevlin @ask-wren-zhang and @justmagnoliaellistor he approximated their skill sets. Theodora talked about letting nature provide the beauty and Meech is curious as to how that can be achieved. Using wood-like plants in the construction? The vines that take over the wooden posts and swirl around like those solved Merlin Trials structures? Theo also wondered if she can use Glacius to freeze window panes out of water since they cannot really afford all that glass. Wren mentioned that she is rather good at furnishing (that would help cover the inside of the greenhouse) and can even bring refreshments. And Magnolia talked so fondly about flowers in one of her letters that Meech is sure that her sense of beautify and experience with taking care of an actual garden back home would come in handy. The wizard wonders how different Magnolia’s garden is compared to Theo’s grove or what he and his gramps grow on the farm.

The Gryffindor doesn’t feel like he has the right to tell people what to do even if everyone involved offered to help. They can all get together and see what it is they want to grow, what plants would go where. Would they want a small area with a table and chairs where they can sit and discuss things? Maybe a separate terrace on the outside or a porch as part of the greenhouse overlooking the valley below? They have to figure out and get the right soil and fertiliser for the seeds, sprouts and saplings they’d plan to get. How would the watering system work, ventilation, heating in winter? They certainly need to do more research, a lot of it probably charms Meech has never heard off. And there is the question of the greenhouse decorations, of course!

Less thinking, more doing: Demetrius gets to work.

[yet-another-haven-of-dollya]

Omg omg that dance picture dol thing, can I still make a request for it? ( *・ω・)

You can! I just can't be very sure if I'd be able to come up with any good idea or have time to do it very soon Ọ v Ọ) I have to prioritize my commissions first, plus they're meant to be my gesture practice for the advanced art class, so when things get too overwhelmed I may not have time to draw requests anymore.

[trans-cuchulainn]

having complex feelings about gender stuff recently but i don't really know how to put it into words. some of it is about the self-erasure that becomes necessary when you try and talk about medical misogyny you've experienced as someone who isn't a woman but who is perceived by the world as one. some of it is about no longer feeling connected to female-centred stories of a kind you used to enjoy as a teenager because they always feel alienating but also not liking your own emotions about that because you should be able to enjoy stories that weren't written for you, it's just that they don't feel like stories that even allow space for you to exist in. but shouldn't men be able to enjoy women's stories too? but you're not a man. but you're not a woman. but the stories are about and for people who look like you but you're not one of them. but you would have been them if you lived in those worlds because nobody would have seen a difference, and that's viscerally uncomfortable, and impossible to enjoy--

and some of it is about looking for stories you could exist in and only finding stories that are profoundly unrelatable because they're only ever about characters who knew they were trans since puberty and had access to transition care in their teens and you didn't figure it out until adulthood and also that's not legally available in your country so that would never have been on the cards in the first place. or people who figured it out in adulthood but they're so certain and they're so ready to take risks and they'll change the world for a chance to become themselves because they know what they're aiming for. some of it is not being sure what you want but knowing you'll always have to be certain about it enough to fight for it because you're not going to get it any other way. some of it is not wanting to be an activist, not wanting to agitate, not wanting to have to resist every goddamn second bc you're just trying to exist in the world, but the only way anyone will ever give you a modicum of what you need is if you put all your energy into the struggle for it--

some of it is about feeling an ongoing tether to the experience of being a woman in a bad way but no tether to the experience in a good way and there's a weird kind of mourning in that, and a self denial, and an inability to reconcile your own contradictions in a way that feels comfortable. some of it is about feeling pressure to experience gender differently and to opt in to something else if you're going to opt out of what you were given but you don't want to do that either. and a lot of it is constantly self-policing your own emotions and thoughts and being convinced you're doing it all wrong somehow because you see other people being so free with their genderfuck, so unencumbered by expectations, so easily able to get it right for themselves and other people, and you're still misgendering yourself half the time in your mind because you don't even know what the right words would be at this point when you still have scars shaped like being a girl even though you're not a girl and you can't talk about them without doing yourself another piece of damage

like. i am who i am because i was thought a girl and maybe because i thought i was a girl and maybe i still don't understand why i'm not a girl but in my not-girlness i no longer feel i have any access to any kind of womanhood that doesn't hurt but i don't want to police myself out of femininity just because it isn't all that i am anymore

[lonelystarbuckslover13]

It’s so hard to still post and enjoy Taylor related content without being attacked for it and being told that if we continue to do that then we’re ok with her dating a racist. Like who the fuck even said that. I hate that piece of garbage m**ty.

Ugh yeah, I wish people had a little more empathy for poc in this fandom right now. It’s a complicated situation for me because as much as I am disappointed in Taylor for dating him, Taylor has been my comfort person for almost my whole life. And the truth is I’m exhausted with racism, I have to LIVE with racism everyday. Just this past week I got asked intrusive questions about my race from strangers almost every single day. I am TIRED. This account is where I go to escape, to forget about the prejudice I face and just get excited about my favourite singer and all the things I love about her with all of you. Now it’s like I step outside and I deal with racism, I turn to my favourite singer and she’s dating a racist, I post about my disappointment in her dating a racist and I’m told I’m not a true fan bc I’m not being supportive of her, and then after I’ve exhausted myself with conversations about racism that I already have to face everyday and I try to give myself a break and just get excited again about Taylor related stuff or post Taylor content THEN I’m told that I’m a hypocrite for criticising Taylor’s relationship but still posting fan content about her. Like there’s just no winning as a poc in this fandom. There’s no winning as a poc anywhere I suppose.

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

counting characters only really featured in multi-parters and nowhere else because i can 😁

[generationlosscorkboard]

What exactly is Showfall?

Sooooo, Showfall. Lets Discuss that.

We all know and "love" Showfall, don't we? It's such a major part of the story of Gen Loss so far, so I'm sure a lot of theories are cropping up centering around it and it's total control and domination of the world of Gen Loss.

And Whilst I'm not saying they're wrong, I'm not saying it's entirely right either.

Long post. So.

:)

Showfall

From what we know, the future Gen Loss content won't contain as much of Showfall as we've had so far, so I feel it's somewhat obvious they aren't the entire being of whatever is putting the dis- in this -topia. Rather, judging from their clear commercialisation and public visibility, they are the face of the operation. They're the propaganda, the entertainment, that side of things.

If you know the book 1984, there's a really good omparison within it to my own idea of what Showfall stands for. This being, the Telescreen. If you don't quite get it or don't know 1984, I'll explain. The comparison of the Telescreen suggest that Showfall is just the Media, the control of perception, and the thing you watch that watches back. Everpresent, brainwashing, and the only source of information you have about the outside world.

Showfall has quite clearly demonstrated all of these aspects with it's control over perception of reality and how, (currently) they're the only view we have into this world because they're the only media of it (apart from some Ranmail stuff here and there) that we have a "solid" perception of what it's like. I have solid in quotation marks because AHAHAH it's um. Certainly. Stylised. Shall we say.

But in the world of 1984, it's not the telescreen who's in charge. So, I don't think Showfall is the head honcho either. Someone (or rather some Company, most likely) is behind it all, and Showfall is just doing all of the publication media stuff to make it work.

But they also perform Social Experiments, on its Cast and its audience. Which is. Odd. For a thing that's supposed to be (as far as I can tell) what is essentially crowd control before a crowd even forms, its such a strange thing to be doing. A lot of freedom with their media and toying with their audience. Which leads me to my next lot of discussion.

The Social Experiments

Why are they necessary, or at the very least, why are they being done? Social Experiments, by definition, are to investigate the actions/reactions of people when given a situation. So, who would need to do that?

If we wanna go down deep into the sci-fi dystopian route, it could be anything from Aliens, to Robots, to some kind of Artificial intelligence, or otherworldly being. Other dimension, even. But. I don't think so. At the very least, I'm not entirely convinced that this is the route we are taking. Mayyyybeee AI/robots? It would fit in with some of the details I'll bring up later on in this post, but I feel like there's probably still room for a very disconnected humanity to be behind it all.

As long as I'll get to stab the founder with a knife I'm happy with whatever they are.

For now, let stick with the assumption that they're just human. It's worse (in a good-ish way) when they're human in my opinion anyhow.

The Social Experiments were broadcast as a "new live show experience" so currently it's not exactly common place. Is it a study of the people of the world? Or is it just a maniacal show of power? Are they toying with us? Or testing us? Are they doing it to distract us from something else? To keep us glued to our seats as we try to figure a predetermined mystery whilst they slowly do something elsewhere that would otherwise gain a lot of backlash? Or are they simply doing it as a demonstration of their abilities, their control over reality and perception and how there is nothing we can do but keep watching?

There's a lot of potential reasons behind all of this, I'll tell you. I can't currently stick one thing down and say "this is it!" Because we don't quite yet have all the pieces. I'll likely reference this a lot in the future as more Gen Loss content comes out and more theories are made. But, even though I said above that I believe Showfall isn't the top, it's quite clear they have a lot of freedom with what they do and say, so some of the theories are certainly weighted in their favor by that.

The Mall

Also- why a mall? Don't get me wrong, it's cool and all, but when you supposedly have all of society at your beck and call, why would you have to use a mall and make everything you do and create out of what's left? What's stopping you from owning actual studios and such? The only logical reasons I can think of is either they don't have that far of a reach and just pretend they do to a limited population, or. Those places just straight up don't exist anymore. Like, something REALLY big happened.

So. What I'm saying is either this is veryyyy localised (mostly likely in a place called Lostfield, seeing as Gen Zero is the Lostfield incident.) Or its insanely big scale but to the point of there not being much left of anything at all, and that's why they're having to live off of the scraps of an abandoned mall.

It could go either way, there's a lot of evidence for both.

Continuing onwards-

The Masks

Every Showfall employee wears a mask, but that's not all. The emmployees are completely different from humans, though the blurring of what is and isn't reality does make it difficult to tell wether they got just blood, just wires, or some ghastly mix of the two really hard to tell. Also, the guy who told us they aren't human anymore turned out to also be Showfall, and an absolute liar when it comes to the truth as to what was happening. So. Take everything we know with a grain of salt as I continue this.

Though it does look a lot like enslavement of the human mind, either way. So showfall does not give a damn about its employees, in the most twisted sense of removing individuality and emotion, basically making programmed robots out of flesh and blood.

(If you wanna think about something really f'd up, it's entirely possible that the crew members are also reused from the mall. As in. Shoppers. (Wether changed alive or dead is unknown, but.... yeah))

The only person in Showfall that shows a high degree of control over themselves whilst wearing mask is Hetch. (and I suppose Ranboo? But remember my prior theory on his own mask, and the lack of actual control there.) Hetch is initially posed as the attempting rescuer of Ranboo, likely just wearing the mask to conceal his identity from Showfall and prevent them from finding him. Also- it's simply HackerCore. Slay!

But of course, as we all know, he's in fact part of the Showfall crew, and clearly has some degree of hierarchy due to how free his speech is, dispite obviously being very supportive of Showfall. So. Is he controlled? (and if so, by whom?) Or is he simply part of the great machinations of what makes Showfall Showfall and is just actually that Sick? But feels like wearing a mask bc again, slay! Or even just to play a character in his own show (haha how meta!)

I'm leaningggg more to the side of being controlled? But tbh I kinda do like the idea of him just genuinely being apart of Showfall's control.

Other note! The CEO guy who appeared in the Announcement video doesn't wear a mask. So, control likely doesn't reach all the way to the top.

Of course. A lot of the Cast in Episode 2 doesn't wear masks, but we all saw what happened to Sneeg. So. Take being maskless with a grain of salt.

"Approximation"

This is in reference to the Hetch quote of "this is an approximation of an office". So. Showfall, or what is above Showfall doesn't know what an office environment is like outside of set decoration and basic premises you might see in a film or show. Very interesting. Again, salt your thoughts, cause this was Hetch again, but it's such an important detail to note.

This, combined with the whole lack of care of humanity from the masks does make the Big O theory lean more towards Ai/robots/aliens/the stuff I mentioned before, but again it could still be a very disconnected humanity (with little regard for other humans for a variety of possible reasons) behind all this. Maybe the world has been in shambles for so long all they have left to remember what humanity was like was reruns of the Office and various other Sitcoms. Guh, imagine that.

Regardless, it's important that we understand that whatever is going on isnt so casual, and is either really apocalyptic, or really, really disconnected from the rest of reality. The guys in charge (the GICs. Let's call them the GICs) were literally living under a rock and then decided to take over the world I guess lmao. Goals!

Time inconsistency

This one has been kicking me in the butt quite a bit I'll tell ya-

Is this set in 2024 or the 1990s?

A lot of people seem to be vibing with the 90s idea, basing it on The idea that the asthetic of it all, from Ranboo's costuming to the use of VCR and video tapes, means its set before the big time.

I beg to differ.

For one, on the notice board in the Office (as seen on the Behind the Scenes Twitter page) has a time off request form which is dated for 2024. Now, this could be a prop/set error, and wasn't intended to be seen close up except on a behind the scenes Twitter post, which is supposed to be just BTS and not canon, but I'm putting my faith in the prop/set guys. The year is 2024. This is also backed up by the quality of technology they have, from the really modern flat screens tvs on the Box Wall, to the fact they're Tony Starking mind control from Mall leftovers. Also- wire monster? Modern (or really close to) Mall? Yeah.

Also USB flash/thumb drives were only invented for commercial use in the year 2000, so.

But Zero! I hear you say. Why is the mysterious figure recording on VHS! When supposedly they could just download it or screen record or something if it's so futuristic in the far off year of 2024????

Because 1. VHS are cool if you like to be vintage 2. VHS are physical copies of the media, rather than digital copies that could potentially be accessed or at least seen by the GICs if they're anywhere as socially powerful as we think they are. And 3. It's like the oldest trope of a conspiracy theorist in the book! Storing your files on physical and/or outdated technology bc of the above reasons.

Although this could totally be a matrix situation in which everyone THINKS its the 90s. But it's not, it's actually 2024 and everyone is just a slave to the control of the GICs. I doubt it, but I'm putting it on the table.

Branding

Showfall? Did it get up okay?

Jokes aside, what in the blazes does the name Showfall mean. My first impressions are the following: Showfall sounds like Snowfall, Showfall implies it's gonna fail (fall from glory, that sorta thing), it's very Showy, and it's somehow the exact sort of Corporate Name I would expect to hear from a big corporation.

This is not a hate on Ranboo's naming conventions, I just wanna know WHY cause I'm sure it's interesting and plot relevant. Eee.

Another branding thing of note is the Gen loss four/GL symbol. It was purposely integrated into the design of Showfall's Logo by Ranboo. I'm still unclear as to whether the 4 is the logo of the GICs or of those who seek the truth behind it all, but I'm currently leaning towards the former, with how prominent it's been in their branding and such. Course, I'm open to anything. It could just be that Ranboo wanted it as a meta hint, with the GL or the name Generation Loss not actually meaning anything in universe but it's there for us to see and go "hey look it's the GL four! Neat!", but I feel like it will have something of lore interest. I just don't know what yet.

Extras things:

- We've seen it's CEO, it's head of operations. If Showfall was the big guy of the entire story and part of our goal as the viewers is to "Find/Kill the founder" then. Well. Wouldn't that be him? Lmao no if only it were that easy, we could of stabbed him ages ago. No, the founder is not Showfall. The founder... is not related to this atm so I will leave that to a different theory.

- Another note: I was talking to my mum the other day about Gen Loss (only vaguely, she's not a horror fan, so no mentions of live crucifixtions for her), and she compared what I was saying about a dystopian society based around control and what you see not necessarily being true, breaking free of that and seeing reality for what it is, all that suff... to The Matrix. So. Take that as you will.

[feralattentionwhore]

"You shouldn’t be thinking at all,

Just playing with yourself thinking of my hands around your pathetic slut neck"

[the-kipsabian]