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mothellie · 3 months

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I've gotten a few asks related to various aspects of my identity (specifically my pronouns) that I've made public on my blog. Some of them were coming from places of genuinely wanting to learn, while others were quite the opposite. I have ignored all of those asks, mostly to preserve my mental health as I go through a super stressful period in my life. But, in lieu of Pride Month, I kind of want to speak a bit about my experience with transness and queerness in general because it's something I've never really spoken about. This post will be very long, but extremely important for young queer people who may be experiencing Pride for the first time in their lives and being daunted by an unfortunately pretty divided community. I hope my experiences offer you a hopeful perspective on your future.

I first realized I was bisexual when I was 12 years old just before a youth group service at the church I used to go to. A guest had tagged along with a friend of theirs who was a regular member of our youth ministry, and he seemed like a pretty fun dude, so I ended up sticking to him throughout the night and talking to him about various things. At one point, he had mentioned being bisexual. I had no idea what that meant because at the time, queerness was a foreign concept to me. He explained that it was because he was attracted to men and women. I had asked him why he was, being a young Christian who was mostly in awe of that being an option, and he simply responded that he 'liked to keep his options open'. Obviously, he meant it mostly lightheartedly, but that interaction stuck with me for many years and I still think back on it sometimes fondly. (Wherever you are, dude, I hope you're well.)

That was when I had started to learn in private about different queer identities. At the time, I only knew of straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual. And then, also in private, I began thinking I might be bisexual myself. I realized I might've had a crush on this girl in my grade who was a cheerleader. She was the only popular girl who was nice to me, as I was extremely awkward and visibly neurodivergent/autistic, and often said offensive or crazy things due to what was being perpetuated and taught in my home with no filter. I had decided to try and invite her to my sleepover birthday party when I turned 13, but genuinely did not think she would show up. I just knew having her there would make my entire birthday better. At the time, I had a boyfriend who also went to the same church I did, but things were not going well with him and I felt more like something he settled for than actually liked.

But she did show up to my party. She even showed up before anyone else did (save for my best friend who had been there pretty much all afternoon helping me plan everything.) And to say I was shocked would be an understatement. She even bought me a present last minute, a little diary with it's own lock.

I realized pretty quickly as we hung out waiting for my other friends and my boyfriend to arrive that I definitely did have a crush on her. I felt the same way about her that I had when I had first started dating my boyfriend. I had even compared how I felt about her to how I felt about my best friend, and the differences were uncanny. My other friends and boyfriend arrived finally and we enjoyed a relatively nice day together. When it was time for the actual sleepover part of the celebration, my boyfriend and a couple of the girls who couldn't stay the night went home. It was only me, my best friend, the girl I liked, and another friend of mine. That friend ended up going to sleep early as well, so it was down to three. For the sake of this story, we'll call my best friend R and my crush E.

E was so sweet to me the whole night. When R went to go take a shower, E and I laid in bed talking about random things. I asked her about her life, if she had a boyfriend, what she liked to do. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. And then it somehow got better because after R got back from her shower, E suggested we play party games. I had never played party games so she taught me a few of them, such as Truth or Dare. Eventually, we went through three different party games before we got bored, but none of us were tired yet. So E, of all people, suggested a new game.

Spin the bottle.

I swear it was taken straight out of a fanfiction. Not only was this girl who didn't really hang out with me willingly coming to my sleepover and bringing me a birthday gift and telling me about her life, she also didn't turn up her nose at the idea of kissing me. Openly suggested it, even.

To make a long story short, we did kiss. A few times. Playing spin the bottle with only three people meant there weren't really many options with who kissed who. But I knew kissing her felt different than kissing my friend. With my friend, they were light childish pecks followed by embarrassed giggling. With her, I was a nervous wreck, lingering a bit too long in her space and trying to make the moments last. So much more happened at that party, but I'm keeping a lot of that to myself. It was a really formative memory for me and sometimes things are better left unsaid. But I walked away from that party knowing two things: I liked girls, and I definitely liked one girl.

I wish I could say that ended with us dating, or that things went beyond that party in any capacity, but they didn't. We went back to being friendly acquaintances and nothing more. But honestly, that was okay. I knew I didn't really have a chance with her and the experience meant more than my daydreams. What I got to take away from it was self-discovery.

A few months later, The Last of Us: Left Behind came out. The Last of Us was and still is my favorite game series of all time, and I was eager to see more of Ellie Williams. At the time, I was still struggling with my identity. I had accepted that I was attracted to women given everything I had went through with E and the boy who helped me learn what bisexuality was, but I hadn't so much as thought of coming out because I was terrified. It was hard for me to comes to terms with it all even if I could acknowledge it was the truth because of my religious background and homelife. I had cut my hair very short when I was around 12 because it made me feel nice, which I couldn't put into words at the time why it did. Kids at school had openly called me slurs and mocked me for the appearance change, making me apprehensive to ever openly identify as any queer label.

But I watched my biological father play Left Behind and we finally got to The Moment. The kiss. Ellie's kiss with Riley. Another girl.

Words can't describe what it was like seeing my favorite character in the entire world kissing a girl and being okay with it. I was completely speechless, watching it play out more intensely than anything I ever had in my life. After the DLC was finished, I went back to my room and immediately googled different searches about the kiss and what it meant for Ellie as a character, and everyone unanimously labeled her as a lesbian given her canon disinterest in boys and canon romantic involvement with a girl. I had thought back on my relationship with my ex boyfriend, and how I never felt for him as strongly as I felt for E. So that sealed it for the next year or two of my life. I was now definitely and happily a lesbian.

But honestly it ending there would've been too easy, so my coming out journey wasn't over. My next relationship was with a boy in the 8th grade at the new school I transferred to. I realized that lesbian as a label no longer fit me, so I openly came out as bisexual to my friends. To my surprise, they all supported me wholeheartedly. I didn't have to deal with any of the backlash I experienced when I cut my hair. It was freeing and the label felt right. I ended up dating almost exclusively other boys in my grades through the rest of 8th grade and into 9th and 10th grade because I was too daunted at the idea of asking any girl at my school out. A few times, I changed my label to pansexual, but I always went back to bi.

I was in the 10th grade when a Junior had come out as a trans man. Everyone was talking about it so it was hard to avoid the news. Being in the bible belt, these things were considered news to high school kids. At the time, I had no idea what being trans was. I knew I had some level of discomfort with being feminine, but I never knew how to describe it, I always just thought I was a tomboy and 'wasn't like other girls' (young River you were so close to the point lol).

But him coming out really set something off in me. Yet again, I found myself googling what transgender meant, which lead to a slew of searches all with the general premise of 'how do I know if I'm trans'.

Suddenly, I started noticing exactly what I was uncomfortable with about being a girl. I didn't like my chest. I didn't like my face. I didn't like the language people used for me. It all started to fall into place in the most frightening way and I had no idea what to do about it. I saw how many teens at my school reacted to the coming out that just happened. I couldn't go through another public ridicule.

So I confided in my friend at the time who is gay, and he offered to bring me with him to a out of school GSA group he attended on occasion so I could meet other trans people and hear them speak on their experiences with gender. I jumped at the opportunity and went. Everyone there was so helpful, even the adults. They listened to my concerns and feelings, and offered me real solutions in order to figure out my preferences. One person suggested I make three bracelets to signify she/her, he/him and they/them. I could wear them on any given day and the people I've briefed before on what they meant could then refer to me as the correlated pronoun for the rest of the day to get a feel for what felt good and what didn't. I loved the idea and they helped me make the bracelets.

Remembering how well my friends had reacted to my original coming out as bisexual, I decided to come out to them again, telling them I was questioning my gender and explaining the bracelet code to them. I had expected them to react positively again and was genuinely excited to share the news.

However, when I told my friends, most of them reacted with annoyance. They told me that being trans didn't work that way, that it wasn't a game of dress-up, and some even suggested I only decided this to piggyback off of the attention of the recent public coming out at our school. I was heartbroken, and extremely embarrassed that I had even brought it up at all. That was when one of these peers pulled me aside later and offered sympathies to me, saying they had a YouTuber they liked that they thought I should check out. That he was a trans man himself and he posted a lot of content about the trans experience outlining what being trans was and wasn't. I jumped at the opportunity to yet again educate myself on something I seemed to be completely ill-informed on, and they sent me the link to his channel.

This was K-lvin G-rr-h.

For those of you who don't know who he is, good. For those that do, I'm sorry. I wish I had never clicked on his channel. Because the result was me pushing myself so far back in the closet that I went back to identifying as straight and abandoned queerness altogether. I hated myself for months thinking I had made a mockery of this dude who had never even met me and genuinely believed I did it for attention. I lived with the discomfort regarding my gender and sexuality for the next three years, putting myself back into church. I went three times a week on a regular basis to try and atone for everything I had done, even volunteering for the church in my spare time.

I had went into a long-term manic episode between the ages of 17 and 18, and ended up leaving the church. As soon as I turned 18, I downloaded Tinder and met up with several men in my area, having them pick me up directly from my house and sleeping with them in seedy locations with my phone on 5% to try and prove something to myself. I was attracted to men. I was wholly a woman. Being queer was a phase. I thought if I had enough 'straight sex' it would somehow make those aspects of myself disappear. Lo and behold, it didn't. It did so much harm and very little good.

So I was back to bi. I dedicated myself to healing and even hung up pride flags in my room now that I was an adult. I had tried to come out to my biological father several times over the years, but each time I was either dismissed or outright given the silent treatment for weeks before he would pretend nothing ever happened. Eventually, it culminated in us having a long talk. He still didn't seem supportive of the idea of me being queer for one reason or another (and I wont get into my relationship with him here as that's not something I want public on this blog but it was definitely extremely unhealthy and co-dependent), he told me he would still love me if I was gay. That I still had a place in his home, despite him feeling adverse to the idea. That was all I needed and I walked away from that conversation thinking that everything had been cleared up and he finally knew.

I was wrong. I came home from work on evening about a month after I graduated high school to him clutching my pride flags in his hand. He had found them in my room and tore them down while I was out (they had been up for months at that point so I genuinely thought he had noticed by then and just didn't care otherwise I wouldn't have hung them up at all). He said a lot of things I wont repeat here, but the key things he said were that I couldn't fly those 'faggy' colors under his roof, and that if I kept disrespecting him, I could get the fuck out.

For the first time ever, I was finally old enough to leave. I knew I needed to. That was the turning point, because I realized it would genuinely never get better if I didn't. So I left. I had been deadlocked at the door the entire argument and as soon as he told me to leave, I did a 180 and rushed out the door. I stayed at a neighbors house for a few days until I moved back in with my mom, who I hadn't seen in years. Her and my stepdad are extremely accepting people, and as soon as I told her I was essentially kicked out and needed a place to stay, she told me she would be there the very next day to pick me up and bring me home.

At her house, I finally started to heal like I had wanted to. I still wasn't acknowledging my transness and still held the belief that I was wrong about that aspect of myself, but things in my life were overall looking up. I had my mom back, and I had siblings, and I had a dad who loved me exactly as I was.

I then started going on dates from Tinder again, but it was more to find a partner than it was for sex this time. Eventually, I met my ex-girlfriend. I believe to this day I was still manic at the time and didn't properly give myself the space to process everything that had happened to me, so I ended up moving in with her 3 weeks into our relationship despite us not being very compatible people. Not only was that an extremely stupid decision, but it might've been the worst decision I've ever made. Because suddenly, we get the news to quarantine. The pandemic had started.

I had lost my job due to this, and half of my family due to my identity. I also lost two family members under tragic circumstances shortly before this happened. So mania crashed into the most severe depressive episode I've ever experienced in my life. I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't bathe for nearly a year. I didn't brush my teeth. All I had the energy to do was play video games and watch YouTube. My legs grew weak from disuse and I still sometimes shake when I stand. My mouth is a complete wreck from poor dental hygiene and I still struggle to remember to take care of myself since I went so long without the routine. I surrounded myself with filth and the apartment turned into a hazard. My relationship with my girlfriend at the time completely deteriorated. I had no idea what to do about my identity, I had no friends, and I missed my grandmother. I felt so truly alone.

Then my girlfriend came out to me as a trans woman.

I was shocked at the time, but extremely supportive. And I watched her explore herself in real time, dressing in feminine clothes and beaming when I called her feminine pet names. And finally, now that I was locked inside and had no one to perform to, I started to revisit my identity again.

I changed my name to Eden and went by she/they pronouns. Then they/them. Eventually I joined the Octopunk Media fandom after discovering their Detroit Evolution film and met some amazing friends there. When I had told them about my identity, this time I was met with support. I finally had a community that allowed me to experiment with my labels without fear of judgment.

I eventually changed my name to Ethan and my pronouns to he/they. Then my name became Gavin, and eventually my pronouns were he/him. I went through several gender labels during this time. Listing them all would make this post impossibly longer than it already is. But eventually I landed on just trans man, and gay.

I still believed that I couldn't be anything other than cisgender, a trans man or strictly non-binary until I was almost 20. It was around this time I joined a radically inclusive part of queer Tumblr, where people coined gender labels (among other things) that were unique and completely separated from Western ideals of gender and sexuality. And that was finally the turning point for me accepting that my labels could be as intricate and unique as I wanted them to be. That there was no one person making these rules. So I started to experiment with unique labels, mixing labels together that most would consider contradictory, overall just trying to find a way to appropriately described the way I felt. This time, the exploration was fun. I was surrounded by a community that cheered me on and celebrated the things that made me unique. It was also around this time I got really into queer history and learning about how the queer community had become so exclusionary over the years as opposed to what it used to be. A celebration of our differences. I realized that all that time I spent thinking I was a horrible person for my feelings, and how there had to be a 'right' way to be a queer, I could've been happy. I could've had fun with my identity and embraced what being queer was really about. I finally adopted neopronouns, which is where I discovered hy/hym. It was like he/him but spelled in a way that felt unique from being masculine in a binary way, which is something I desperately wanted. They/them has never resonated the way other pronouns had, and she/her feels very uncomfortable for me. These pronouns felt more like me than anything else ever had, and paired with my new labels, I finally felt like myself.

I wont get into my exact labels here. There's a reason I don't put them just anywhere. The people I want to know certain things do and everything else is no one's business but my own. I still do have a semi-active blog within the queer coining community on Tumblr as a completely separate account to this one. I will also never share the handle to that blog. What matters is I'm finally comfortable in my skin. My identity may not make sense to absolutely everyone. Some people may outright hate me for it, or claim that I make a mockery out of the community. I no longer care, though. My identity is mine and it's something that is so sacred to me now because I had to sacrifice so much of who I used to be to even make it here today. I'm proud to be a messy queer who doesn't fit into the boxes society tells me I should. I'm proud of having labels that might confuse the masses, or enrage the bigots, or even enrage killjoy queers in the community gatekeeping every single experience and label known to man over silly things. I'm happy with myself for the first time in so long and I refuse to ever let that go again or bend to anyone else's opinions. I found my faith in a different religion and practice where I feel like I belong, as opposed to an imposter infiltrating holy places.

So for this Pride Month, I need every single person who was willing to sit and read through this entire thing to know that being queer has never been, and never will be, about fitting into boxes or having a clean linear discovery journey. Labels are there to describe feelings you have, they aren't meant to be cliques that constantly argue who is and isn't valid under them. Sometimes you wont fit neatly into one label or another. Sometimes you feel comfortable with two labels people tell you cannot mix. Sometimes you don't wanna label yourself at all. And sometimes, your labels even change, or the feelings behind them do. Your identity can shift and you can discover new things about yourself in any stage of your life. It's okay to be contradictory. It's okay to be unlabeled. It's okay to have a whole hoard of labels. It's okay to use fun pronouns. It's okay to be queer.

Being queer is about stepping out of the binary in a lot of ways. It's a protest. It's a riot. None of those things can be true if we simply create a new, still restricting binary. I never want someone to experience what I did when I know I could've been so much happier so much earlier.

Ignore the in-fighting. Ignore the exclusionaries. Be yourself. I promise it's worth it in the end. Because one day you'll wake up and realize you spent your formative years worrying yourself sick late at night over other people's opinions of you that don't matter instead of staying true to you. I made it. You can, too. There's still time. You're not alone.

#♡ · from the river's mouth #pride month #lgbtqia #transgender #gay #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #queer #f slur tw #anti exclusionist #anti transmed #radically inclusive

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mariacallous · 16 days

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Donald Tusk has introduced new guidelines for doctors as a way of making abortion more accessible in practice, after a parliament dominated by his coalition failed to pass a law liberalising abortion in July.

Just days after Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk admitted the liberalisation of abortion may not be possible until 2027, the government has published guidelines for doctors that it hopes will ease women’s access to the procedure under the current law, but critics argue is a far cry from what women who voted for coalition parties in October had been expecting.

The new government guidelines, published on Friday, reaffirm that to get an abortion under the current legal framework it is sufficient for women to produce a statement from a psychiatrist saying that continuing the pregnancy would be detrimental to their mental health.

The clarification from the government is meant to make doctors feel more confident in applying the law without fear of legal repercussions, which became more common under the previous conservative government of Law and Justice (PiS).

Since Poland’s Constitutional Tribunal in 2021 further tightened access to abortion, hospitals have tended to make it difficult for women to access legal abortions, asking for more paperwork beyond a psychiatrist statement. As well as taking an emotional toll and imposing other costs on women, this has also sometimes meant missing the term limit up to which abortion is legal in Poland. Doctors helping with illegal abortions can face prison.

Tusk said his government has introduced the new guidelines as a way of making abortion more accessible de facto if not de jure, after a parliament dominated by coalition parties failed in July to pass a law liberalising abortion.

“Until the next election, there will be no majority in this parliament for legal abortion, in the full sense of the word. We should not fool ourselves,” Tusk said on August 26.

“If we won’t change the law, we will change the reality,” Tusk said on August 30 when announcing the guidelines.

But Natalia Broniarczyk of the Abortion Dream Team, an NGO assisting Polish women in accessing abortion, was dismissive of Tusk’s attempt to present the guidelines as some kind of progress. In fact, the guidelines merely repeat what is already in Polish law: since 2021, abortions are possible only in the case when the health, mental or physical, of the woman is in jeopardy or if the pregnancy is a result of an illegal act, such as rape.

“With these guidelines, Tusk is just spelling out what the famous ‘abortion compromise’ of 1993 is about,” Broniarczyk told BIRN, referring to Poland’s relatively draconic abortion laws. “Of course, it’s necessary to remind doctors that they not only have the right but actually the obligation to perform abortions. But we need more, we waited for much more.”

Broniarczyk said one major issue is that Polish doctors simply do not know what the current practices on abortion are and that even when they do agree to perform the procedure, they use outdated methods such as curettage instead of pills, now considered much safer.

The activist points out that the Health Ministry needs to come up with medical guidelines on how the procedure should be conducted as per the most up-to-date medical practice.

Who’s to blame?

Tusk rode to power in late 2023 on the back of huge support from women and the youth, galvanised by an campaign promise to legalise abortion. The assumption had always been that the PiS-allied president, Andrzej Duda, would block any pro-liberalisation draft law, but the new parliament, dominated by Tusk’s liberal-democratic coalition, was expected to pass one anyway.

In practice, however, when a first draft law to liberalise abortion reached a parliamentary vote – four legislative proposals on abortion were filed by various coalition parties; all made it past a first reading, but only one got to a plenary vote – MPs from the governing coalition actually failed to pass it.

The main culprits for this were considered to be the agrarian PSL party, which has always been close to the Catholic Church in the Polish countryside, but also Szymon Holownia’s Poland 2050. Holownia is a modern Catholic but he personally opposes abortion.

Holownia, who is marshall of the Sejm, infamously postponed the parliamentary debate on some of the draft laws back in spring, arguing that it could interfere with the campaign for the local elections. At the time, feminists blasted Holownia for this decision and commentators say the subsequent fall in his female support could even cost him the chance to be the governing coalition’s presidential candidate in 2025.

In response to questions addressed by BIRN during the Globesec Forum in Prague on August 30, Holownia struggled to defend himself against the women’s accusations, while also implying he was still interested in running for president.

“Polish women and Polish society as a whole want us [the government] to act on abortion, so we should act,” Holownia said.

In his understanding, two more draft laws from the total four on the table are likely to be voted on by parliament by the end of this year: one proposing liberalisation, which Holownia said President Duda would veto, and another, proposed by Holownia’s own party, which proposes a return to the “abortion compromise” that existed before the Constitutional Tribunal further restricted abortion rights in 2021.

Polish activists like Broniarczyk adamantly reject returning to the “abortion compromise” – under which women can access abortion in cases of a threat to their own health, a pregnancy being the result of an illegal act, or the foetus is malformed – as any kind of solution. Broniarczyk also doesn’t buy the argument it is solely the fault of the likes of Holownia or PSL’s Wladyslaw Kosiniak-Kamysz that Polish women still do not have the right to an abortion nine months after a liberal government assumed power.

“If there were the political will, we would have the right to abortion by now,” Broniarczyk said. “This is ultimately about Tusk and how important he thinks this matter is.”

“They come to us and say, ‘sorry, you have to wait some more’, but why is it only women who have to wait? Why didn’t the reforms at the state television or in justice have to wait?” she wonders.

With some women’s groups appearing to see Tusk’s new guidelines as progress of sorts, Broniarczyk appealed to her fellow activists not to give up. “This is the most difficult time for our movement, as some of us really want to believe that progress is happening. But I would appeal to my friends to be careful: if we are happy with something so small now, it will be much more difficult to keep fighting for full dignity over the next years,” she said.

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floating--goblin · 6 months

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so since the timeline is kinda muddled with the things nihil says and the things we see in chapters/mv's or hear in interviews, here's my perspective on the story right

Firstly, I think the position of Papa has meant different things over time. It's always been head of the church (not the Ministry as an organization, as it's clear Papas are overseen by higher authorities in the clergy; so think more of a public spokesperson and spiritual leader). But when Nihil came around, it's also started meaning lead of the Ghost project.

He was the first Papa to also front Ghost, but he was not the first Papa. The Ministry's existed for "nigh a millennium" at least, so that's how his father, his father's father, his fa-- etc etc, were also Papas despite the band only existing since the 60s when Nihil's tenure started.

Secondly, in Dance Macabre, while he might just seem uneasy going to the party because it's some random rager with weirdos, I think his anxiety could have actually been because he knew this was a Ministry affair. He might've only had some vague knowledge of it or might've been part of it at some point, either way, he's definitely tied to it and knows that.

Sister Imperator was tasked with tracking down the current Papa's heir and bringing him back to the Ministry, so she set up the party to lure him in. The Doorman changes tune very quickly once he recognizes Nihil, which strengthens my belief that this was all orchestrated; sure, the whole "Come in, we've been expecting you" is a classic horror trope and the whole Dance Macabre video is kinda tongue in cheek, but I think it's at least partially genuine in this case.

They had a whole white suit to change him into for the blood ritual, come on now. This whole affair was intentional.

So in short, what I think Nihil's deal is is that he was the son of the Papa at the time (probably only one of them knowing this family, but for whatever reason he was the only eligible heir), had probably left the church in his youth for some reason or another, and because someone needed to succeed the current Papa, they got Seestor to reel him in and convert him. I imagine the fact that he already had three sons at the time was also a great selling point for the clergy, because that was already three other Papas lined up no problem. He then started Ghost, and the title of Papa became synonymous with the lead of the band as well as the head of the church, because the band became the Ministry's main way of proselytizing.

#the band ghost

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shammah8 · 11 months

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““And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to Myself.” He said this to show the kind of death He was going to die.”

John 12:32-33

LIVING FOR JESUS

Manuel was an effective evangelist among the mountain Quechua people in Peru. He felt called by the Lord to take Bibles and share the gospel with the anti-government guerrilla soldiers who camped in hiding in the mountains. For the many illiterates he took the New Testament on cassette. It was a bold and risky ministry.

One day some Shining Path guerrillas with their big AK-47 guns intercepted him on the trail and ordered him to stop going to the mountains; stop handing out Bibles, cassettes and other Christian materials; and stop preaching about Jesus. They threatened his life if he did not desist.

Some months later Manuel did not return home when expected. A search party discovered his dead body at the side of the trail. It was more than just a cadaver. His feet, hands and tongue had been cut off. And with a knife they had carved on his torso a message in Spanish, “We told you to stop!” The chopped body parts completed the message, “stop visiting the villages; stop distributing Bibles; stop preaching about Jesus!”

There was a memorial service for Manuel attended by many believers. Hundreds of people came from the mountains to honour his memory. Our Open Doors co-worker reported that there were more people standing outside the rural church than sitting inside the crowded sanctuary.

An evangelist preached the memorial service message and challenged young people to come forward and take Manuel’s place. Ten young people made the commitment and knelt at the front altar.

An elder standing at the side asked in a loud voice, “But young people. What if the same thing happens to you as happened to Manuel?”

One of the youths at the front cried out, “If we die, a hundred will spring up and take our place!”

Living for Jesus is actually harder than dying for Jesus. It means I must die to myself every day!

Response

Since Jesus gave His life for me, what more can I give Him than my own life. And until that day of physical death, I will die to myself daily.

Prayer

Thank You Jesus, for giving Your life blood for me. I give You my life in service today and every day until You call me to be with You in Your heavenly home.

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croissantbae · 1 year

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June 19, 2023. This weekend was so full I can’t believe it. It was 2 fast 2 furious.

Friday: had dinner for hatty’s birthday at Laredo or lorato. Whatever trudy. And the food was surprisingly delicious!! First time I’ve enjoyed the food that much in a while. Then we didn’t want the fun to end so we sat in paiks car after feeling weird in a boba shop and just all poured our hearts out. The three words thing for the bday girl is truly so great. I could feel how loved hatty felt from it and it felt very nice to witness. Seriously though I think all of us left that night feeling a burst of love for each other individually and for the group as a collective. It reminded me so much of the types of hangouts the GGs would have growing up.

Saturday: naya really didn’t want to go to vbs because she said she can’t do what she wants to do but she has to do what they tell her. But I had nothing planned for that day (I actually canceled my volunteer thing bc I didn’t realize we couldn’t just drop them off at vbs but had to go w them). So we said let’s just try going and if u really don’t like it we can leave. She ended up having so much fun she didn’t want to go home. At first there was a service and at the end everyone took one of those gigantic group photos. There was the body worship dance things by the youth and a time of praise. Everything just felt so wholesome. Jason was like if they’re trying to convert us… I’m all in. It was just so family friendly and the kids ministry was 🔥. After there was lunch and then a festival. They got to do games, go in a bounce house, eat cotton Candy, there was some bombbbbb ddeokbokki wifh a spicy version for adults and non spicy for kids. It was a blast. It was kind of hot tho so they had an indoor portion that was a laser show and it was perfect for cooling down. The teachers were also so sweet. They came by to all say hi to Dani and say how cute she is. It wS just nice thst they remembered them even tho we don’t go to the church. We went bc Edenhurst kids get to go free.

After vbs we went down to Fullerton and had dinner w Jason’s mom and step dad. It was really nice to hang out for the first time all together in what felt like a long time. Just like how Dani and Shiloh are sort of frenemies I feel like Dani and Rowan are too lol.

Sunday: we went back down to Fullerton for Father’s Day w Jason’s dad. We went swimming even though temp reallt cooled down (well, when I say we I mean the dads and kids went swimming). Then we ate gogi and veggies and bap (always getting good hot links at their house. It’s the perfect level of spice). Jason’s dad got the girls books and Nayas were workbooks. She did them the entire time the car ride up. She loooves them. It was so nice just spending more time at Eileen’s and Jordon’s in Fullerton and seeing Rowan playing w the girls. On the way back home I picked up a few things I bought from facebook marketplace. (1) kinetic sand for $3. Jason was like how much sand are you buying? A cup full? And o was like no no the pic seemed like a lot! 25 pounds. We’ll be saving like $50. I get there and it’s like maybe a few pounds… lol. (2) princess standing things we can use as backdrops for the party. When we took it to my moms house nay wouldn’t stop carrying it and playing with it. I’m starting to get concerned magbe the princess thing is getting out of hand. Jimmy was like you know what this is? Idolatry. Humans basic instinct to worship something lol.

We had dinner at my moms for Father’s Day and man she over cooked some ribs so it was tough to eat but everything else was good.

Monday: went to the mall and exploded Nayas mind going shopping. First we went to Zara but my mom said there was something she wanted to buy her at Bloomingdales so we go and the dresses are freaking $200 plus. I was like omg. Nay tried on 3 diff kinds and I was like choose one. But my mom was like no no you can choose two. Naya had a hard time picking and we ended up buying all 3 (but partially so that the girls could share rather than buying two of the same for each of them). When we got home I ordered cheaper dresses and let the kids plAY In the nice Bloomingdales ones but took careful care to keep the tags on bc my mom HAS TO RETURN IT.

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senatushq · 2 years

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NAME. Gael Cisneros AGE & BIRTH DATE. 25 & June 25th, 1997 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He/Him SPECIES. Human OCCUPATION. Retail FACE CLAIM. Alejandro Speitzer

biography

Gael never knew much about his mother, just that she wasn’t American like his father. In fact, he didn’t actually know much about his father either. The man wore fancy clothes, talked fast on his cell phone, and took Gael with him wherever he flew. Hotel suites and random women, rental cars and harsh reminders to “feel lucky for his good life”; these were the impressions he had of the man and the things he’s left with to remember him by.

He was told multiple times as a child that he better be on his best behavior, but his best apparently wasn’t good enough because the last memory Gael has of his father is the man’s promise to be back in a minute and a suited back walking away into the distance. He never came back, and the nuns of the church Gael was abandoned in front of took him in graciously. It took time for him to learn the language and transition from a structureless life to one of strict expectations, but eventually, he adjusted to life as an orphan and a Catholic.

The nuns were able to inspire devotion in the young Gael and he clung to the faith, or more specifically the idea of heaven. His belief in everlasting life trumped even his belief in God. The idea that his reward for living by the saints would be a free pass through the pearly gates filled his heart with hope. His lot in life may not have been the best, but through grace and prayer, he could earn something more. These teachings got him through some rough years in the orphanage, especially since no one had any interest in adopting him. Gael didn’t mind though because he had a family through the church that raised him. He poured himself into ministry, became close with the priests of his parish, and eventually decided to follow in their path.

Though family or not, at eighteen he could no longer remain at the orphanage and had to take life on head-on. He was ill-prepared to learn all his plans were nothing but empty dreams without avenues to realize them. No money meant no college, and no education meant no seminary. Gael attempted to resolve the base of his issues by working whatever job he could land. Boredom and disdain ensued as the entry-level jobs he qualified for granted him neither enough income to live comfortably nor any sense of satisfaction. His confessions became ladened with desires for more and envy for his peers who seemed to “have it all”. Gael would perform his penance and pray on his missteps but for years his life of virtue gave nothing back in return.

Life became hell and waiting for heaven became arduous. While he worried about being a good Catholic, his youth was wasting away as his peers led seemingly amazing lives. Even the ones in the same retail space as him had social media feeds littered with their exciting exploits. Gael wanted a part of that too and managed to get a coworker to bring him along to a yacht party they were invited to. The whole weekend sounded positively fun, and being so close to opulence was a thrill all in itself. He wasn’t the type to just set sail and party with strangers, but his coworker said everyone would be cool and just have fun. Gael really cut loose, partying like never before with no hint of the stresses that burdened him. He lost himself to the point he was too slow to react to the passengers whose faces changed. He watched in horror as fangs protruded from their mouths and pierced the necks of others. Gael attempted to run and scream, but out on the open water, there was no help to be given. The fanged face of one of the demons the nuns scared him with bore down on him, and then…

Heaven. The memories of that weekend remain hazy to Gael, but he can recall the euphoria that followed the set of teeth piercing his flesh. The sensation stuck with him, clawing from beneath his skin the longer he went without. That party was the first time he’d ever felt true happiness and he didn’t want to let it go. He wracked his mind for any details of the one who bit him, scoured every social scene in Rome, and even hounded his coworker for details even though their recollection was just as spotty as Gael’s. He was on the verge of a breakdown from his fruitless search when he finally got a call. It wasn’t on his phone, more like a voice in his head feeding him instructions. Gael desperately followed and was led right into Just a Bite where the one who took him to heaven waited. This time he had no fear, only excitement because his days of fiending had come to an end.

Gael learned that it was a vampire who’d affected him so, not a demon like he’d initially thought. Even though he’d seen the movies, he never thought such creatures were real. He accepted their existence much easier than a devout Catholic should’ve, almost as quickly as he accepted the vampire had friends who wanted to drink from the vein as well. It was fine, for each bite carried a new glimpse into heaven, and each new vampire opened his eyes to what true beauty was. Just being in their presence was enough to carry him from his worries. Their permitting him to nourish them was just a bonus. He kept returning to the strange bar, sometimes finding the first vampires to taste him, sometimes meeting new ones entirely. Each was a beauty beyond himself and the elegance of their lifestyles enchanted him completely. Gael was hooked to the point he became a regular and started getting paid for his blood.

The money was too good to pass up, much better than his paycheck could ever hope to be. Not to mention the non-cash gifts he’d occasionally get when a vampire took a special liking to him. Gael’s world shifted, his boring day-to-day with humans becoming the extra fat in his life while vampires became his priority. Somewhere along the line between all the fangs that pierced his flesh, his life centered entirely on them. Gael wanted to look his best for them and be available for them and bring out his best flavor for them. Any and all vampires were worthy of his worship, and for once his devotion paid off. His life was subsidized, his attraction to their power was regularly satiated, and they gifted him with the most unimaginable pleasure, sometimes even paying to do so. The lifestyle changes he’s had to make to accommodate are a small price to pay in his book. Putting the vampires of Rome above himself feels like the most natural thing in the world to Gael. For as long as he has his youth and beauty, Gael wants to commit to his service of them. Nothing will ever be more important to him than his flavor and he hopes that every vampire who drinks from his veins thinks of him as their favorite meal.

personality

+ accommodating, diligent, faithful – materialistic, needy, biased

played by Zen. est. he/him.

#oc rp #supernatural rp #skeleton rp #plot rp #takenc #takenm #takenhuman #the enthralled

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missnight0wl · 2 years

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Spring Garden Party

No, they were not invited. But they’re having a bloody good time.

Beware, Jacob x Patricia ramblings under the cut.

Well, I guess it’s time to talk about Jacob x Patricia in my main timeline. I suppose I should’ve started from that instead of the Insane AU, but… oh well. I really had to put it out in the world.

Either way, while in the Insane AU Jacob and Patricia’s relationship is a little “sped up” because of the circumstances, in the main timeline, they actually have kind of a break up after the Cursed Vaults. I said “kind of” because: 1) they weren’t a couple before that point, 2) it’s not that they’re not in touch at all – they just try to find their places separately. And… they fail pretty badly.

When it comes to Jacob, ever since he got involved with R, he always wanted a normal life. He hoped to achieve it once the Cursed Vaults were destroyed. Unfortunately though, he pretty quickly realised that he doesn’t really fit into a “normal” life – or at least his idea of it. He’s spending some time with his family, and he worked at the Ministry at the time, but it definitely wasn’t for him. Then, he started travelling around the world, and he even dated some girls. Still, he always felt… misplaced. Even with Helena, he didn’t feel fully understood because her experience was significantly different from his. And that’s good! Because a lot of decisions Jacob made over the years were to make Helena’s suffering not as big as his own. He also didn’t want to reveal to her everything he’d gone through. But it meant that Helena couldn’t entirely relate to him…

Eventually, he realises that the only person who can make him feel at peace is the same one who was with him through most of it – Patricia.

Now, when it comes to Patricia, she was seemingly doing much better. She just focused back on her job. Actually, it was kind of the reason why Jacob tried to move on alone. He thought that everyone – including Patricia – was able to go back to normality, and so should he, right? But of course, the reality wasn’t that simple. Patricia turned to her workaholism because most of her adult life, she’d dedicated to the Cursed Vaults. Once that one great goal was gone, she felt a little… lost. Not really that she was missing it, but she was missing some bigger purpose. Therefore, she was desperately trying to somehow fill that hole.

When Jacob finally sees Patricia’s struggle, their roles reverse in a way. Since Jacob always wanted a normal life, it’s easier for him to adjust to it once he has a safe basis in Patricia. To create his new idea of normality. Patricia, on the other hand, never really thought of it in the past. She was focused on the present and on the bigger plan – that’s why she was trying to find a replacement for it later on. But Jacob was able to show her that sometimes, it’s okay if there’s no plan. And because this permission comes from him, she can finally accept it.

And honestly, I think that it’s the main reason why I’m so fond of these two – both platonically and romantically. I just really enjoy how compatible they are at various points of their lives.

The second reason is probably that I see them as kind of “ageless”. What I mean by that is that both of them didn’t really have “a proper youth”. They got involved with the Cursed Vaults very early on, and it was getting most of their attention. Because of that, I like to think that they often try to get those years back, and I think it’s not unusual for them to act basically like a couple of college students.

And this actually brings me back to the Spring Garden Party! I imagine that whenever they were somewhere where there was a party nearby, they shamelessly get themselves invited. They obviously never get caught because they act so confidently that most guests assume that they HAVE TO have a reason to be there. Little do they know that this reason is called: “free food and drinks”. They might even be the centre of attention for a big part of the evening, occasionally causing a little fuss, but by the time anyone realises that something doesn’t add up, they’re already gone.

#jackepick #jacob x patricia #jacob ellis #patricia rakepick #fanart #digital art #my art

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potteresque-ire · 4 years

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Concerning the incredibly far and deep reach of CCP’s propaganda, the narratives the government can spin and call the truth; does ‘the common normal populace’ actually know what’s really going on?

Hello everyone!!! Happy Chinese New Year!!

I’m grouping these asks because if I hear them correctly, they’re all related to this question: how much do people in China know about the atrocities committed by their government, and why don’t they do something about it?

It’s a difficult question, isn’t it? A potentially upsetting one too, just to think about. My answers are more opinion-based, more personal this time. Since there’re no polls about what people know, they have to be based a little more on my own impression, which has more chances of error. Please bear with me and proceed with caution ...

As with people in most countries, what people know is hugely dependent on individuals. Specifically, re: politics, I can think of at least three reasons why people don’t have the facts

1) they have limited access to information 2) they’re being lied to about what they know 3) they’re not interested in current affairs.

1), of course, is what most people think about when it comes to China. You’re right, Anon(s), that VPN use is indeed rampant in the country and is essentially an open secret; there’re no official numbers but surveys have estimated the number of users can be up to 100 million, most of them being youngsters. They use it to do exactly what most of us would imagine: gain access to things they don’t have otherwise. Instagram has been (sporadically?) blocked since 2014 September and so while users may have set up their accounts while being overseas, it’s indeed, (very) possible, that they’ve set up and maintained their account under VPN use.

Wait, you may ask, so you mean the Great Firewall of China doesn’t exist?

That’s exactly the official stance. Not because of private VPN use, but because individuals/companies can apply for a license via their telecommunications company to visit all internet sites. Hence, the government’s claim that the Great Firewall doesn’t exist—you’ll be let through as long as you ask (and we’ll watch your every step)! There are also no explicit laws prohibiting the use of private VPNs; only a handful of arrests associated with private VPN use have been made and only since 2019, and the punishment is considered light—no imprisonment, just fines. It is, in contrast, against the law to *provide* private VPN services, and while companies have been shut down, the crackdown has still been incredibly sluggish by Chinese government’s standards, especially when the Xi regime has made its intention of banning VPN known and directives have been issued for that in 2017.

Why has VPN continued to enjoy this “grey existence”? Because without VPN, a lot of foreign businesses would leave—some, for example, require the most efficient online tools developed outside China to track the foreign markets, and talents have rejected job offers in the country when they realised they couldn’t get on their favourite social media. The science and tech sectors also rely heavily on VPN—programmers relying on Google to search stackoverflow, for example, to find known solutions to bugs.

VPNs have also served political purposes—Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Chinese Communist Party (CCP)-critical communities all over the world are all painfully aware of the Chinese government’s practice of hiring its own collection of internet commentators (”50 Cent Party”), and at times, mobilising their youths (gamers, fan circles) to scale the Firewall and astroturf, throw insults at the “CCP enemies” and bomb message boards with pro-CCP messages.

Also, a significant fraction of VPN companies, both in China and overseas, have been reported to have Chinese ownership, by companies with government connections. These VPN services provide a false sense of security for those who do not enjoy having big brother peeking behind their backs while acting as surveillance tools that extend beyond the country.

(Please be careful about free VPNs).

The next question: If until now, users of private VPNs only rarely get into trouble, what’s holding them from scaling the Great Firewall and learning the facts?

It is this: the law isn’t about “climbing the wall”, but what one does outside the wall.

Article 6 of the 2016 edition of Cybersecurity law states the following:

第六条　国家倡导诚实守信、健康文明的网络行为，推动传播社会主义核心价值观，采取措施提高全社会的网络安全意识��水平，形成全社会共同参与促进网络安全的良好环境

Article 6: The State advocates sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct; promoting dissemination of the core socialist values, adopting measures to raise the entire society's awareness and level of network security, and forming a good environment for the entire society to jointly participate in advancing network security.

What this article implies is this ~ legally, Chinese citizens are bound to the Chinese government’s rules of good internet conduct, regardless of whether they use VPN to get on the internet. As with many Chinese laws, however, the vagueness in wording invites more questions than answers. Is it getting on Twitter, a banned website, “sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct”? Obviously, it’s illegal to interact with other users about the Xinjiang’s internment camps, but what if one only goes there to talk about their favourite stars, because on Weibo supertopic they can’t even mention the stars’ name, can’t ahkgkhagjkfaskjgdf about their favourite fics? What if one goes there to discuss a M- or E-rated fic? Where is the line drawn and given its vagueness, will that line move tomorrow? How?

Most people, therefore, have opted to simply stay away from VPN. After all, China offers its own version of many of the fun websites out there (Weibo-Twitter; Instagram-Oasis; Tiktok-Douyin; Youtube-Bilibili). For those who do use VPN, they tend to stick to websites that are unlikely to cause issues (such as Instagram; Instagram became an issue when Hong Kongers started to upload information about the protests on there).

Now, let’s proceed to 2): People don’t know the facts because they’re being lied to about what they know.

There’s a difference between having access to facts and knowing that they’re facts. This is among the most painful lessons, perhaps, for those who followed the politics of the United States in the last few years (please forgive me for the US-centric-ness of the following few paragraphs!). Even with equal access to identical information, people can vary a LOT in their understanding of what are facts and what are lies.

This illustrates the power of propaganda—and propaganda in the US isn’t even centralised. Some media outlets and individuals (political leaders and analysts) have more say on what should be viewed as the truth, but parties without significant power—small foreign and domestic interests, fringe political organisations, conspiracy theorists, regular folks—have also made critical contributions to the “fake news” phenomenon in the US. There haven’t been apparent coordinations between these parties; little concerted effort has been made to create one coherent story out of the many tales told.

In China, the propaganda effort is centralised, coordinated, free of distractions from competing story lines. The One Story the government decides on is repeated, over and over again, on newspapers, in shows, in textbooks, on signs on the streets, on social media. To put it another way, when it comes to political discourse, the country is designed to be an echo chamber with 1.4 billion people. Over time, the One Stories inevitably become firmly held beliefs—so firmly held that even if the people are exposed to facts, they no longer believe in them.

This is especially true when the source of the facts are countries with strong traditions of freedoms of speech and press, where the facts are often laid out with a critical eye to the administration and with vastly different opinions attached to them. While we view the latter as evidences that the values we embrace are alive and well—a critical eye to the administration means the Fourth Estate is doing its job, and the different opinions means freedom of speech gets to live another day—people who haven’t been exposed to these values tend to interpret these things as signs of weakness of the government. They may think the Chinese government is better than its counterparts elsewhere because no one is penning scathing criticisms against it. They may think the Chinese government is stronger because it unifies the opinions of their people—the failure of which, they’ve been taught, would lead to social chaos and economic free-fall.

The Chinese population has also been “immunised” against the truths that may be exposed about their government by a propaganda talking point used since Chairman Mao’s days—that the “Imperialist” western world, particularly the United States, is always scheming its downfall. The phrase often used is 美帝亡我之心不死 (”The heart (intention) of Imperialist US to bring us down will never die”). Unfavourable truths exposed must therefore be part of the “bring down China” scheme. This decades-old demonisation of the political apparatus of the US and Europe also prepares the people to accept what most would see as outrageous conspiracy theories: for example, in March 2020, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs claimed that the US Army intentionally planted COVID in Wuhan during the 2019 Military World games. “Foreign interference” becomes a frequent and convenient scapegoat for policy decisions gone wrong, sometimes to a (somewhat) hilarious effect ~ for example, a Taiwanese journalist calculated the cost required for the CIA to fund the 2019 Hong Kong Protests, as the Chinese government had claimed—and it turned out that the CIA was too poor to do it.

(Many of us in the US would probably laugh at the idea that our government is capable of secretly paying 2 million foreign-language speaking strangers to show up together in one march.) (It can’t even get the COVID relief payments to its own people right over a period of months.)

(Fun trivia for turtles! As 美帝=“Imperialist US” is the synonym of a feared, imaginary super-villain—super organised, super efficient, super everywhere and super impossible to take down—c-BJYX, the indestructible No. 1 CP fandom in China, has been nicknamed “美帝 cp” by those not so enamoured with it.)

Finally, there’s the psychological factor. Once a set of beliefs becomes personal truths, listening to alternatives can be very upsetting (for those in the US: imagine the blue voting block made to listen to Fox News). Hence, even when people gain access to the facts later—for example, when they study/work abroad, even emigrate—they often don’t take advantage of the access. Instead, they remain logged in in the Chinese social media sites where they’re comfortable with not only the politics but also the language and the friendships they’ve built, and continue to immerse themselves in an environment heavy with CCP propaganda. They remain defenders of the Chinese government; some have even gone out and harass people who disagree with it, in the name of freedom of speech that their country of origin never offered to them.

Censorship, of course, is an important component of building a One Story echo chamber, and I should add a note about it: censorship in China comes in vastly different strengths. The restrictions on LGBT+ issues, for example, are fairly lax, relatively speaking—“homosexuality” remains a term one can find on their internet and a topic the administration continues to address, and while BL dramas are censored, their adapted versions, along with highly publicised discussions of their original material, have so far been tolerated. The strictest form of Chinese censorship would’ve allowed neither: any mention of the 1989 June 4th Tiananmen Square massacre , for example, is immediately removed, including any hints that the event may have happened. When the former leader of the Chinese government, Jiang Zemin (江澤民), was rumoured to have passed away, the censorship apparatus went so far as to remove all mentions of Jiang, which also happened to mean “large rivers”. Chinese netizens therefore joked that major rivers had ceased to exist in China that day, as one couldn’t find any information about them online.

(LGBT+ activists have therefore remained optimistic about the future of their campaign, despite the current state of affairs. To put it simply: the Chinese government has bigger fish to fry. Sexual minorities haven’t had major clashes with the administration, haven’t embarrassed the Chinese government with their demand for rights as the ethnic minorities—the Uyghurs, the Tibetans, the Mongolians etc did. Political dissidents, including the millions in Hong Kong, are also (far) ahead in the ranking of fish size.)

For most issues, the censorship effort sits somewhere in the middle and is often inconsistent over time. The people, therefore, often have knowledge that an event has happened — even when the event is considered, beyond the Great Firewall, damaging to the reputation of the Chinese government. However, critical information is often missing in their knowledge, or is heavily distorted. For example, overseas Chinese citizens have insisted that the motivation of the 2019 Hong Kong Protests was economic, echoing the longstanding CCP propaganda that Hong Kongers have been jealous of China’s prosperity (reality: China’s GDP per capita was $10,268 USD in 2019, and Hong Kong’s, $48,713—more than 4 times higher). They missed out a critical fact: while the fast economic growth of China has created some unease—Hong Kongers have always known the Chinese government has only tolerated them and their freedoms for their ability to generate wealth—what has truly ignited Hong Kong’s anger is the Chinese government’s violation of the 1984 Sino-British Joint Declaration, and the terms it had agreed upon to get back the then British crown colony. Hong Kong hasn’t been demanding autonomy and freedoms because it’s a troublemaker, but because these things were promised to the city as conditions of the 1997 handover. As residents of the world’s third largest financial centre, Hong Kongers are diligent drafters and executioners of contracts (which international treaties are) and above all, faithful believers of them. For an asker (the Chinese government) to claim a contract as “historical” because it has received the goods (Hong Kong) and no longer feels a need to pay (allow Hong Kong 50 years of freedoms and autonomy) is offensive to the principle, the very heart and soul of the city.

(Gg’s former boss was a Hong Konger, and his experience working for him was a rather accurate reflection of Hong Kong’s view on business. What made an impression to Gg—that the posters should be without rips and misprints, even if these imperfections were not the fault of the design company—is a no-brainer to the Hong Konger in me reading the interview. Delivering high quality goods and services isn’t an act of kindness but rather, of professionalism and respect for the contract.)

(This interview is a highly recommended read, for those who’ve missed it!)

(One more example of “conveniently missed critical information”: remember GG’s show on Chongqing? Did you know the underground bombing shelters were not built by the Communist government, but the Nationalist government that was still ruling China during WWII?)

Anyway, where was I?

Right. We’re getting to 3): People are not getting the facts on the political situation in China because they’re not interested in current affairs.

Some—well, many— people are not interested in politics.

Some of you may be thinking: well, I’m not interested either. I follow politics because it’s important.

Why is it important? Because political engagement means you can do something about the many ills of the society, speak for those who cannot, force the government to change by voting, by voicing your opinion, by going to marches and protests etc.

What if you follow politics and still can’t do most of these things? What if, if you do choose to do these things, the price you pay may be astronomical? Will you still follow politics or devote your time, your energy to something else, something you’ve got more control over, something that won’t be as saddening, frustrating because it’s something you can actually change?

3) is therefore intricately related to why people often don’t do anything, even if they manage to find out about the facts.

There’re no national elections in China. Marches and protests are practically banned because while the Chinese Constitution guarantees the freedom of assembly (as it does freedom of speech and press; Article 35), it also explicitly states that "Citizens of the People’s Republic of China, in exercising their freedoms and rights, may not infringe upon the interests of the State, of society or of the collective, or upon the lawful freedoms and rights of other citizens.” (Article 51) — ie. the freedoms and rights only go as far as if they do not stand in the government’s way. Social media and all communications platforms are under constant surveillance, and so only opinions tolerated by the government is allowed...

And so, the fact, social ill that has broken your heart—you can’t tell for sure if it isn’t talked about because the government has censored it, how many people know about it and more importantly, how many among the people who know about it will agree with your take. If you break your silence and voice your concerns, how many people will have your back, even if you also conceive them as victims of the social ill? If the social ill is the lack of rights of a minority group, for example, will they appreciate your speaking out, or will your “rocking-the-boat” make things even worse for them? A heavily watched net means communications with the oppressed/vulnerable social groups are often filled with obstacles, if not outright impossible. You don’t know how these groups feel; you don’t even know how many affected individuals are there. You watch the and news and shows and they all talk about how wonderfully things are going; how everyone seems so hopeful and positive and happy with their lives—are you the only person feeling that way? Are you wrong? If you speak out then, will you be yelling into the void, or worse, yelling at the police who “invites” you for a chat in the police station? To speak for those who do not have a voice to speak, are you ready, willing to take the risk of also becoming one who no longer has a voice to speak? Is your family ready?

To put it another way: the opportunity cost of “doing something” about the political situation can be astronomically high in China, compared to the opportunity cost of us doing something similar in our own country.

If I want to support the LGBT+ population in my part of the US, for example, I can do so effectively with minimal investment and most importantly, with minimal risk. By pasting a rainbow flag on this Tumblr post, for example, I’ve already signalled to those who need support on this issue that I’m ready to give mine. And this “signal” of mine will join the hundreds and thousands on the site, collectively telling the activists doing the “on the ground” fighting that they’re not alone; that they have my vote of support. I pose no danger to myself in doing so; no one will accuse me of, arrest me for infringing upon the interests of the State and the Collective. The rainbow flag, a display of my stance, will not turn into a blurred blob the next time I look at it, transform overnight from a symbol of solidarity to a warning sign to those who may wish to join the cause. There’s no danger for me, even, to carry an actual, huge rainbow flag to Pride, perform my activism in person. I don’t have to worry about my phone already giving away my identity as a protester to the government, especially in post-COVID times. I don’t need to watch out for plain clothes pretending to be my allies. I don’t have to look at the many surveillance cameras present and wonder if I’ll get blacklisted as a troublemaker.

Am I still being tracked and taken pictures of? Possibly. But for this cause, at least, I’m not afraid that these information will be used to arrest me. If I were arrested, I know there'll be lawyers and activists who would come to my aid. LOUDLY. ANGRILY.

I’m not afraid. Period. I’m having fun. And I doubt I can say the same if I try to carry a rainbow flag to Tiananmen square and march there.

This vast difference in the opportunity cost of taking political action is the reason why I’ve refrained from demanding those who live under authoritarian dictatorships to stand up for their neighbours who’ve been oppressed / bullied by their governments. I’ve refrained from criticising them for looking away, minding their own business. Do I wish they’ve take action? Of course I do. Am I aware that their lack of action is potentially more harmful because of the frequent atrocities happening around them? Yes. But I also understand that going on a fight is far more frightening when one doesn’t even have a sense of how many will join their side of the fight; I understand that fighting for what one deserves—freedoms, rights, justice—should never equal martyrdom, and just because a regime has elected to put equal signs between the two doesn’t mean those equal signs should ever be there. I remind myself that, to ask the people in any authoritarian dictatorship to stand up for a political cause is to ask them to make sacrifices that we, as people in relatively free societies, do not need to make when standing up for the same cause. In a country where a father demanding the truth about the milk product poisoning of his own son got jail time for “eliciting social disorder”, to stand up for even a single issue, no matter how small that issue is, requires courage that I’m not sure I have.

I can’t ask anyone to do anything I may not be able to do myself.

And this is why I, too, have chosen to support these people, even if many of them are single-issue activists, even when many support the Chinese government on other issues that matter. For example, the late Dr Li Wenliang, one of the eight COVID whistleblowers in China who passed away from the disease, was an opponent of the Hong Kong Protest, but I still (greatly) appreciate, respect him for what he did. As long as they’re not actively helping the government to cause (more) harm to others, as long as their cooperation with their government falls within what is demanded of them as citizens, they have my support. Why? Because most people who speak out in China cannot afford to stand up for more than one cause before it becomes dangerous for them. Because even if it’s only a tiny vulnerable social group, one small minority that makes a tiny step towards more rights, more freedoms, more justice, it’s still a victory in a country where rights, freedoms and justice are luxury items for those with neither political nor economic power. Because those who’re not part of the ruling class cannot afford to cherry pick their allies, cannot afford to in-fight when the ruling class already holds absolute power. Because I still believe in pay-it-forward, that most people who’ve benefited from someone standing up for them, even for one small incident, one minor cause, is more likely to stand up for someone else.

This is, admittedly, not always an easy choice to make—not for me, at least. I do get frustrated, can’t help but think at times that those who subscribe to and spread propaganda are, to a certain extent, corroborators of the atrocities committed by their government. (So, to those who’ve felt this frustration, you’re not alone!). And the Hong Konger in me has every reason to be furious with everything about China right now—all I could think of, when I listened to Gg singing 異鄉人 Foreigner the other night, are all the Hong Kongers fleeing the city now, as refugees, because of their political beliefs.

But for now, I’m hanging on. I’ve been able to tell myself that given the country’s political reality, given its tradition of collectivism (which tends to view confrontational dissent with scorn), the paths to freedoms, to equal rights and acceptance, will not be the same as what I’ve seen, what I’ve wished for. They’ll likely be slow; They’ll likely be long and winding, taking three steps forward and two steps back; they’d likely be unexpected in places, offer us surprises —

And since it’s Chinese New Year / Valentines and I’m feeling brave (irresponsible?), I’d venture a little bit of speculation and say this ~ yes, I’ve wondered if one of these many paths may be trodden, intentionally or not, by two beautiful male idols and their millions of turtles. Is it wishful, fantastical thinking? I’d be the first to admit the answer is yes. But the BJYX scheme has been so well executed as of now, so effective that I can’t help but wonder if it’s leading towards some sort of a goal, whether devised by the humans involved or by the gods/Fates who, as c-turtles have said so romantically, have been writing an original BL story with our favourite boys. The goal may be personal —simply two people being able to act more like themselves again under the spotlight—or a bit more ambitious…

… Because the sneakers + ice-cream post did catch my attention (will probably have to devote a post on that?). Another small incident that has caught my attention, unrelated to Gg and Dd but can significantly change the path they may be trodding, is this — in June 2020, People’s Daily, the state controlled newspaper, boasted its country’s increasing friendliness towards the LGBT+ communities on Twitter . While the tweet was met with skepticism and soon removed, the message it sent is this: the Chinese government may have figured out the the Western world (in particular, the younger generations) view LGBT+ rights as a measure of progressiveness. While I’m still leaning towards the government maintaining a tight grip on LGBT+ rights within its borders, with the strengthening call to boycott 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics because of the country’s poor human rights record, I can see a glimmer of possibility that the same government may do the unexpected and cater to the queer community for the sake of propaganda. As I mentioned, the queer community hasn’t caused much headache for the Chinese government, and so it’s far more likely to be chosen as the “benefactors” of such a “we’re a human rights champion too!” propaganda campaign than, say, ethnic minorities and political dissidents. Promoting dissemination of core socialist values has always sat high on the CCP’s agenda list, and its target audience has always included foreign, non-Chinese populations; this effort is known as 大外宣—“The Great External Propaganda”. And who better to cast as leads of an international propaganda campaign on LGBT+ rights than two of its own stars who’ve already demonstrated loyalty to the government, who’ve already garnered international fame from a TV series widely viewed as queer, and who may actually be queer?

(And if—if!!!— this ever happens, may I ask everyone to please consider doing the following? Please do not feel a need to express gratitude. Please do not act as though it’s a gift. Celebrate as you would celebrate anyone in a free country exercising their birthright to live, to love the way they want — no less than that, no more than that.)

(For those who’ve asked ~ as international fans, not allowing the CCP to modify our expectations of how a government should behave may be one of the most effective ways to protect Gg and Dd.)

(I call this learning from the best: get the goods we want (more rights for the people in China), refuse to pay the cost (subscribe to CCP’s propaganda), and RUN! ❤️💛💚)

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx #pie answers

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 3 years

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How would the papas handle a Thrasher girl. With the vest covered in patches, blasphemous t-shirts, snap backs always has a beer in her hand and would much rather hang out in the sketchy alleyways of downtown instead of a gothic castle. She is rough around the edges and has a huge sexual appetite. The contrast would be interesting.

Oh Hell yeah!! I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be friendship or romantic, so I went back and forth depending on the Papa!

The Papas with a Punk Thrasher Girl(friend)

Papa Nihil: Your whole aesthetic is a blast from the past to Nihil. He remembers the days when Punk and Goth first started appearing. Despite getting out of the music scene, he’s had many members of the congregation come into the ministry from these scenes. Nihil was amused when you both got talking about music and he actually knew all of the good old bands, not just the classics everyone thinks of! He’s not too much into going out with you to down town, unless it’s for pizza. You typically make pizza and beer runs when he has the time. And it’s nice for him to know you have no problem cussing anyone out for making fun of him hanging out with you while he’s older than the crypt keeper. He’s also happy to show you his autograph collection from your favorite bands!

Papa I: Admittedly, Papa has not met a lot of people like you until he became a singer! You both met at one of Ghost’s EARLY shows. You were one of the people they invited to join the clergy and you happily accepted. Papa was so pleased to meet you, especially after the blunt yet impassioned excitement you showed for joining! It nearly made his eyes widen when you blatantly told him you didn’t care WHO he was, just that he better be a better Papa than ‘those crusty old men in those other churches.’ Your rough and honest manner was immediately welcomed, and you ended up bonding with Alpha on top of it. Which impressed Papa, as many sometimes can’t handle the fire ghoul! Papa saw bright things for you in the clergy and felt your ‘hip young look’ would be the type to attract others during shows!

Papa II: Many people automatically assume you AREN’T his type! Easy to assume, since he’s a man of refined taste. Often attending fancier restaurants and parties, Papa is thought of as the clergy’s #1 gentleman. However, he is a man who loves to party! In his youth, especially, he was known for trying any dive or bar that looked like a good time! Papa appreciates your bluntness and ability to not give a shit about what others think of you. You are the person who follows the beat of their own drum, and are never sorry about it! There is something fascinating about your penchant for studs and ripped jeans over pearls and velvet. Papa loves an individual! Not to mention you both have some of the best banter! You love to tell him he’s good at holding his hard liquor, “for a rich man.” It’s a nice change of pace for his company!

Papa III: The two of you could not look ANYMORE different! A pretty rich boy and a punky fist fighter? No one would think you were even FRIENDS let alone a couple! But you two work so well together! You are more fun than most of the people in the clergy! Papa has an insatiable wonder lust for travel and finding new places, and you are happy to indulge. He’s had the best time of his life going with you to the sketchiest bars and weirdest food places. His favorite date was when you took him out for craft beers and he watched you beat the shit of a guy who wouldn’t stop trying to bother you. Papa also loves when you play tease each other for fashion choices, but he wouldn��t have you any other way! Always asks when you’re going to put a Ghost patch on your vest!

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Honestly? You tend to scare the shit out of him. He’s met very few people like you. You’re probably one of the few people who have ever threatened to kick his and his guitarist’s ass. Actually, that’s how you two met! You almost got into it with the ghoul and you both had to be separated. Copia was quite taken aback by your blunt manner. But he’d being lying if he said he didn’t admire your punk aesthetic and independent attitude! You almost can’t but laugh every time he refers to your vest as crust pants as, ‘quite cool!’ Even when he is Papa he doesn’t mind you being the one to stand up for him when other ministry members are pestering him. You and Copia are the quintessential couple where YOU’RE the one who goes up to the fast food counter because Copia asked for no pickles, and he’s too anxious to do it.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #Ghost headcanon #reader insert #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia

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masterhandss · 3 years

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Hi, im just finishing vol 1of hamefura LN and... am I reading wrong or Katarina has considerably internalized homophobia? She describes keith falling for Nicol as a tragedy and going astray, and her view of girlfriendship.... does this continues in future novels?

Uggh that's kinda hard to say, and I feel like I might not be the right person to ask about something like that hgjsdf

I don't remember Katarina saying that Keith hypothetically falling in love with be a "tragedy", did she use that word? The only thing I remember is that she said that although she'd prefer it if it Keith didn't fall for Maria, falling for Nicol might be dangerous for him. When I read it, I guess I kinda did get the idea of Katarina thinking that marriage between two men must be taboo, but not necessarily that she disapproves of it. Since she knows she's in Fortune Lover, she's assuming that same sex is the norm given the game, setting and time period. I feel like she meant it with good intent, for all she knows maybe Keith would get kicked out of the family is he pursued the son of the prime minister instead of focusing on becoming the next duke qwq.

Also, Katarina mentioned that it'd be bad for Keith to fall for a handsome boy, but when she assumed that Nicol might be in love with a married woman or man during her birthday party, she didn't seem to reject the idea (I guess because it's Nicol, charmer of both genders lmao), moreso just worried if her friend's feelings will ever bear fruit if its someone he felt like he couldn't attain. Maybe she was only open to the idea because it's Nicol, or maybe she's actually okay with it in general, who knows?

I think Katarina just has a heteronormative way of thinking rather than her having internalized homophobia (unless the two of those are the same?? I don't know I'm not socially aware enough for this qwq).

I've heard things about Japan is a country that's still sort of behind the times, still using old technology and is still pretty heteronormative to some extent. I doubt she had any opportunities to identify her sexuality or the kind of partner she wants when she's just living her life to the fullest and having fun. She didn't even get into anime and manga until middle school, only thanks to Aachan's influence.

From Volume 2, we find out that Aachan's taste in light novels and manga is the kind where she can project herself onto the protagonist in order to imagine herself having fun adventures with friends of her own, so probably a lot of shoujo or shounen series. Plus by high school, Aachan was really into otome games. I'm basically saying that not even media could have influenced Katarina's way of thinking, considering that Aachan (who is the one to provide and suggest the series they get into) seems to just only read NL content. Katarina knows Sophia reads BL novels when they both got older, but mentioned while she isn't completely disinterested in them, she feels like it's a dangerous rabbit hole to fall into. She was even a little bit transphobic to her co-worker in the magic ministry Laura (who is a transwoman) but not because she didn't approve of it, it was just kinda new to her because she didn't encounter things and people like that in her previous life.

We can only really grow to accept and understand feelings and perspectives like that by getting exposed to it, so you can't blame Katarina for being mostly heteronormative when she's never encountered stuff like that before.

I don't know, I feel like a lot of people in their youth these days are really able to identify or have courage to bring themselves out there thanks to the encouragement of the people around us and the influence of the media we consume. If Katarina doesn't have those media to help her, then she'll have to rely on her own self-discovery and the encouragement of her peers.

When it comes to her views on girlfriend-ship, we already know that Katarina adores and loves her friends regardless of gender (Maria being the biggest example), and whether or not she's just extreme in her appreciation of others or if it's a sign of her attraction to girls depends on the reader. Her worldview probably won't change unless her female friends finally become forward about their feelings instead of waiting for Katarina to figure it out on her own, if we get a clear stance on Sorcier's view of same sex marriage and relationships, or if we see a same sex couple in the story through Katarina's eyes. As the reader, we know/can speculate that Katarina likes both men and women, but she herself doesn't know that yet.

Since she's someone living in a Fantastical Middle Ages where the country is lead by a monarch, you gotta give her some slack for not assuming everything gets an OK in this new life & setting of hers.

Whether or not this is something that continues in future novels is something I can't really say. She maintains the same way of thinking that she does right now in the manga and anime as she does in the novels, nothing really changed aside from the fact that maybe she had picked up one or two tame BL novels due to being forced to by Sophia.

Again, I'm probably not the right person to ask when it comes to something like this. If I said anything wrong or insensitive, feel free to correct me! I'm not socially competent nor analytical enough to dig deep into Katarina's psyche qwq

Thank you for the ask! qwq

#mh ask #hamefura #my next life as a villainess #hamehura #bakarina #destruction flag otome #katarina claes #sasaki atsuko #atsuko sasaki #if i trigger anyone with this I'M REALLY SORRY

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mybeautifulchristianjourney · 3 years

Text

Devotional Hours Within the Bible

by J.R. Miller

Show Me the Path (Psalms 16:11)

"You will show me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures for evermore!"

It is a wonderfully sweet song that sings all through this Psalm. It begins with fleeing to God for refuge, and ends with standing at God's right hand in glory at last! One strain of this song is enough for our present meditation. "You will show me the path of life ."

The word is singular - "me". Does the great God actually give thought to an individual life! We may believe that He directs the career of certain great men, whose lives are very important in the world; but does He show His common people the way? He feeds the sparrows. He clothes the lilies. He calls the stars by their names. Then the Bible is full of illustrations of God's interest in individuals. The Shepherd Psalm has it: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." "He leads me. . ." Then we have it here. "You will show me the path."

The first thing, if we would have divine guidance, is to realize our need of it. Some people do not. They think they can find the way themselves. They never pray, "Show me the way !"

Here is an experience from Switzerland: Two men, one a military officer from Zurich, undertook the ascent of one of the Alps. They started off without guides, ropes, or any other appliances for safety. Their conduct attracted attention, as they were foolhardy, and the progress of the tourists was watched by many at the hotel, through binoculars. Soon they were seen to be in trouble, wandering aimlessly over the ice. In a little while one of the men disappeared, and not long afterwards the other one was lost to sight. A search party went out and it was discovered that the first man had suddenly fallen into a crevice, hundreds of feet deep. A guide was lowered and brought up his dead body. The other had a severe fall - but, more fortunate than his companion, he fell into the snow and was able to crawl out and make his way to the hospice, where he was found in an unconscious state.

It is foolhardy to try to climb the Alps without a guide. It is far more perilous to try to go through this world without a guide. Many people do. Jesus asked His disciples to follow Him - but there was one who would not follow, and he perished, "the son of perdition". He "went to his own place." If we would find the way - we must be conscious of our need of guidance and must walk obediently in the path the Guide marks out for us.

If we would have God show us the path - we must accept His guidance and trust it Sometimes we grow impatient of God's leading because He seems to take us only along mundane ways and gives us only commonplace things to do. We think we could do more good and make more of our life - if we could get out into a wider sphere and have grander things to do. Some people even chafe and fret, and spoil the lowly work that is given them to do, in their discontent with it, and their desire for some larger place and some more conspicuous work. The youth of Jesus teaches us that the truest and divinest life is the one that in its place, high or low - does best the will of God.

The life of the carpenter's apprentice - is as holy as the ministry of a radiant angel close to God's throne. God's will for us is always sacred. When we say, "You will show me the path of life," we are not to expect that God will show us some other place to live and work - than that in which we are now living and working. Most likely He will leave us just where we are, only calling us to do our work better than ever before, to do it in a new way, with a new spirit, with a new warmth of heart.

The work of the present - is always the duty to which God calls us. The way to be ready for the call to a wider field and to a more important work - is to more than fill the place in which we are now serving, and to do our present duty a little better than we are required to do it. After eighteen years of work in His lowly place as carpenter's apprentice and carpenter, Jesus was led away to the wider field and the greater work. When we have done all the will of God where we are now - He will show us the path to something higher.

Again, the path which will be shown to us - may not always be an easy one. It is the path of life - but the way of life ofttimes leads through pain. The baby begins its life in a cry, and in some form or other we suffer unto the end. The old belief was that all pain was because of a person's particular sin. If a man suffered greatly, his neighbor thought he must be a wicked man. There is some trouble which is the fruit of sin. We cannot do wrong - and escape suffering. The suffering is the revolt of your soul against the wrongdoing. It is the mercy of God trying to save you. But there is another kind of suffering, which tells of spiritual growth. The best things in Christian character, grow out of pain and affliction.

Sometimes there is inscrutable mystery in the trial through which good people are led. A few years ago a happy young couple came from the marriage altar. They were full of hope and joy. Their home was bright with love. A year later a baby came. It was welcomed by the young parents with great gladness. They gave the little one to God. From the beginning, however, the child was a sufferer. All its short years it has been sick. The young parents have done all that self-sacrificing love could do, all that money could do, in the hope that the little one would recover. The best physicians have been consulted and have exhausted their skill in vain efforts to cure the child. But at three and a half years, when other children are so bright, so beautiful, such centers of gladness and happiness in their homes - this little one is like a baby still in her helplessness, not seeing the faces that bend over her in passionate love, not responding to the caresses and tendernesses which are lavished upon her. The child was taken recently to one of the best physicians in the land. After careful examination, the doctor's decision was that the case was absolutely hopeless. Until that moment, the mother had still hoped that her child might some time be cured. Now she understood that however long the little one may stay with her - she will never be any better.

"What shall I do?" was the mother's question the other evening when her pastor listened to the story of the visit to the great doctor. "What can we do? What ought we to do?" she asked. What comfort can the minister give to such mothers and fathers as these?

Yes, it is hard to look upon the child's condition, so pathetic, so pitiful, and to remember the great doctor's words: "Absolutely hopeless. She never will be any better." Is there any comfort! Can this mother say, "You will show me the path of life"? Is this experience of suffering, part of that path? Does God know about the long struggle? Has He heard the countless prayers that have gone up from this home for the baby's recovery? Does He know what the doctor said the other day? Yes, He knows all. Has He, then, no power to do anything? Yes, He has all power. Why, then, has He not cured this child? Why does He allow the agony to continue in the heart of the mother?

We may not try to answer. We do not know God's reasons. Yet this we know - It is all right! God is love - God is never unkind. What good can possibly come from this child's condition and from its continuation year after year? We do not know. But God knows.

Perhaps it is for the sake of the mother and father, who are being led through these years of anguish, disappointment, and bitter sorrow, and will be cleansed and transfigured. Many people are sufferers - for others' sakes. At least we know that these young parents are receiving a wonderful training in unselfishness, in gentleness, in patience, in trust. Perhaps all this sore experience in their child is to make them holier. The disciples asked the Master whose sin it was - the blind man's or his parents', that he was born blind. Neither! "No one's sin," Jesus replied, "but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." This blindness gave Jesus the opportunity to do a work of mercy. May it not be that this child's condition finds its justification in the ministry of love it has called out in the mother and the father? It has been a wonderful training and education for them. They are being prepared for a blessed service to other suffering ones. Perhaps in the next life, they will learn that they owe to their feeble, blind child's long and painful suffering much of what they shall then wear of the beauty of the likeness of Christ .

In one of the famous lace shops of Brussels, there are certain rooms devoted to the spinning of the finest and most delicate lace patterns. These rooms are altogether dark, except for the light from one very small window, which falls directly upon the pattern. There is only one spinner in the room, and he sits where the narrow stream of light falls upon the threads that he is weaving. "Thus," we are told by our guide, "do we secure our choicest products. Lace is always more delicately and beautifully woven when the worker himself is in the dark and only his pattern is in the light."

May it not be the same with us in our weaving ? Sometimes it is very dark. We cannot understand what we are doing. We are not able to discover any beauty, any possible good in our experience. Yet if only we are faithful, fail not, and faint not - we shall some day know that the most exquisite work of our life was done in those very days. If you are in darkness because of some strange, mysterious providence, let nothing make you afraid. Simply go on in faith and love, never doubting, not even asking why, bearing your pain and learning to sing while you suffer. God is watching - and He will bring good and beauty out of all your pain and tears!

Notice, again, that it is "the path of life" which God will show us. He never shows us any other path. God's paths are all right paths, paths of holiness. If you are prompted to go in some evil way - you may be sure it is not God that is leading. He leads you as far as He can - away from the evil. He leads in the path of life. It may be steep and rough - but the end will be so blessed, so glorious, that in its joy - you will forget the briars and thorns on the way!

"You will show me the path of life." There are days when you do not know what to do. You have perplexities, doubts, uncertainties. You lie awake half the night wondering what you ought to do. Something has gone wrong in your affairs, in your relations with a friend, in your home life. Or one near to you is suffering and you need help - but do not know what to do. Your days are full of questions. Do you know that there is One who is infinitely wise, never makes a mistake, nor misleads anyone, who wants to show you the way, no matter what the experience is? Instead of vexing yourself, just go to Him and say, "Show me the path !" and He will.

There is something else. It is told of Wenceslaus, King of Bohemia, that he was one night going to prayer in a distant church, barefoot, over the snow and ice, and his servant, Podavivus, following him, imitating his master's devotion, waxed numb and faint. "Follow me," said the king, "and set your feet in the prints of mine." The master's words encouraged the servant and he followed on.

That is what our Master says when we grow weary in the hard way, when the thorns pierce our feet, or when the path grows rough or steep. "Follow me. Put your feet into my shoe-prints. It is but a little way home!"

"You will show me the path of life." There is a path on which our Master wants us to walk. He has it all down among His purposes - where He wants us to go, what He wants us to do, the people He wants us to help. The path leads at last to the door of the Father's house! Would it not be a sad thing if you should miss the way? Well, you will surely miss it and get lost in the dreadful tangles unless you ask Christ to show you the path. Like a little child, look up into the face of the Master and say, "Show me the path of life !" and He will.

#James Russell Miller #Devotional Hours Within the Bible #Show Me the Path #Psalms 16:11 #March 5 #2022

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harryissuchalittleshit · 3 years

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Some Teddy Lupin headcanons please. I really like that he isn't with Victoire in your verse.

He is such a cutie:

Harry met Teddy at the funeral for the first time

Teddy doesn’t remember, but Draco Malfoy actually lived with Andromeda the last three years of her life

Teddy was three when Harry officially became his guardian, and Andromeda passed just shortly after his birthday

He was a ring bearer in all three of the post-war Weasley weddings, George and Angelina, Ron and Hermione, and of course Harry and Ginny (Percy and Audrey eloped)

Victoire is his best friend, but he could never dare her, she’s too annoying

He calls her Weasley (derogatory) and she calls him Lupin (annoying)

But they’ll fight anyone who says anything bad about the other, they have a definite big brother/little sister relationship

They start a band together when they’re both at Hogwarts

The music/arts programs set up post-war are really important for the kids and continue on from then on

Teddy plays both the guitar and piano and he writes songs, Victoire plays drums and sings, and Annabelle plays bass guitar and piano and sings as well

Teddy met Annabelle on the train to Hogwarts his first year and they became really good friends, and kept up with the friendship even when Teddy was sorted into Gryffindor and Annabelle into Hufflepuff

They play at a few Quidditch parties and then get invited to play at the Halloween battle of bands party

They don’t win, but they do start to get a steady following

Teddy is really smart and bright and funny, but growing up with Harry has also made him incredibly sassy

He was the first person after Harry and Ginny to hold James, Al, and Lily

Lily is actually the reason why he started playing the guitar, because he would fight with Ginny as he was angry that she was having another baby, so Harry put him in guitar circle

The day of his recital, Ginny went into labor with Lily, but she refused to leave until she got to hear Teddy play

Teddy has never fought with her since

Lily was born exactly one month after Teddy’s birthday (May 24th and April 24th)

He has a lot of pictures of his parents, but almost all of them are just of one and not both of them together

He even has a few of himself with his parents, but his favorite is the one of his parents standing outside their house with him in his mum’s arms

He starts up an organization after he graduates called the “House of Black” and turns Grimmauld Place into a youth shelter for Hogwarts aged students

He also teaches music through the Ministry funded music/arts programs

He and Annabelle get married a few years out of Hogwarts and have five kids, his first son and daughter are named after his parents

Send me a Weasley for some head canons!

#head canons #harry potter #family #teddy lupin #james sirius potter #lily luna potter #al potter #victoire weasley #ginny weasley #house of black #grimmauld place #post war #ask game #music #andromeda black #Draco Malfoy

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

TLTNL- THE HOGWARTS HIGH INQUISITOR

"Padfoot mate, you don't really think you think," he cut himself off and went cross eyed before trying again, "I mean that Harry is-" then he stopped again for the ludicrous statement couldn't even manage to pass his lips.

Sirius watched with some distant form of amusement as James struggled to find words, a concept in itself, as he ran his fingers hard through his hair and tried to find a way to answer. "What if I do? All those stories we've heard about what happens to those in Azkaban, what makes you think that didn't happen to me after twelve years? Turning into a dog could only have saved me so much-"

"Don't," James snapped, his eyes darkening by the second. "I can't stand thinking of you like that, it's never going to happen."

"It's already happening Prongs," Sirius whispered back. "What if we can't stop this, it's all supposed to happen in less than a year! People will start going missing, and then Dumbledore's going to come around and get you and Lily to go into hiding, and I'll do it again, I swear I will, I'll hunt down that rat bastard and-"

"Think what you're saying," James snapped, fighting hard not to knock him upside the head while he did. "Future tense mate, we'll find a way to stop this happening well before then, so stop acting like it's inevitable already. You're not going to turn into that, I refuse."

Sirius still couldn't seem to take his words to heart, gazing at a picture Lily had hung up on the wall of a forest that had branches swaying in the wind, an occasional critter flipping in and out of sight. It reminded him of the Forbidden Forest, where he'd had so many happy memories, and it scared him how tainted those already were, and kept reminding him it was only going to get worse. "It's my worst nightmare come to life, I don't know how but the universe did that to me. Made me go as mad as my folks, in a different way I'll grant but all the same, and then jailing me right back there."

"It's not going to happen," James repeated, and would keep doing so until it sunk through his thick head.

They met eyes, Sirius almost absently saying, "you have always been around to remind me of that," and then quickly flipped subjects before even the notion of this no longer existing could linger, "honestly though, I thought you were going to bring me up here to rib me for talking to Harry like that."

James snorted and rolled his eyes, forcing himself to relax as he seemed to think he'd accomplished something. "I'd be remiss if you didn't tell Harry he wasn't having enough fun in his life. I still think you should show up at Hogsmeade and show those three what we used to get up to, Harry needs more fun in his life and he's clearly not getting it from his friends."

Sirius bit at his lip as he realized Harry wasn't getting that from him either, he'd been far too consumed with his own pity party, but at James' words, he was now at least holding out hope it would come true soon.

James watched as Sirius was already starting to fall back into wallowing, and he couldn't let that stand. Sirius was usually his inspiration to start all the madness they got up to, seeing him so low now truly was doing something to him he could hardly put into words, and he desperately hoped that the next time Sirius' name came up it would be in some form of his release back into a normal life already, he'd suffered long enough for it. For now he grasped his shoulder with a tight squeeze before actually managing his old laugh back and saying, "come on now, let's see what kind of mass destruction the school causes in rebellion against whatever that stupid comment of Percy's was. Dumbledore not in charge, pfft, Fudge couldn't do any such thing."

Sirius did at least smile as he followed him back for that, any talk of setting Umbridge in the area with the twins was bound to cause a laugh, which he was hoping to hear from soon. The methods she used on Harry weren't going to hold long.

Lily and Remus were still very concerned by whatever that reaction had been, but also knew James was the best, if not the only person Sirius would get help from with it and so were plenty satisfied to see him not visibly lingering on it when they came back.

Harry most of all wanted to persist on the subject, as he felt like he'd let Sirius down in some way, but when his godfather flopped down beside him with a normal smile in place Harry just couldn't bring himself to mess it all up again when his dad had clearly seemed to comfort him about it. So as James picked up the book and began, they were all feeling almost slightly hopeful again this was all going to somehow work out.

They'd expected to have to comb the paper to find this mysterious article, but instead it was right on the front page, with a very large shot of Umbridge accompanying it.

"Urgh, as if you don't get enough of that around the castle, now you've got closeups," James crinkled his nose in disgust.

The title read the woman's new position as High Inquisitor.

"Why do I already have a bad feeling about whatever the hell that made up title is?" Remus sighed.

"You've got good instincts," Harry's eyes were already narrowed with dislike.

Harry asked what that could mean, as Hermione began reading the article about the Ministry passing new legislation giving itself new levels of control inside Hogwarts.

James struggled to understand even the first sentence! What did that mean, the Ministry had control over their school?

Lily had her lips very tightly pursed as her mind flew through the ramifications of that. Hogwarts had always been of its own body and under the guide of the current Headmaster. This had allowed for a lot of free will inside the school outside of Ministry influence which many considered a good thing, as it left the children to grow up and form their own opinions of what they thought were right and wrong. Now their own government was more than actively stepping in as more than just a substitute teacher role? Just what the hell was Umbridge going to have these students doing? Aside from torturing them!

James looked to his friends like he was hoping for some kind of clarification from them, but both seemed just as confounded by the idea.

The Minister had been growing uneasy about the goings-on of the school for a while, says Junior Minister Percy Weasley.

"Did they have to post his title? I find that entirely unnecessary as of course his Junior would agree with him," Sirius scoffed.

"I just wish they hadn't said his last name, marks a bad light on all the Weasleys," Remus rolled his eyes for poor Arthur and his reaction to further seeing his son agreeing with all this.

Minister Fudge is now responding to the concerns from anxious parents who were concerned of the direction the school was moving in.

"Then they should talk to the Headmaster, and deal with this in house as it's always been," Lily stated absently, still trying to wrap her head around how this abrupt change had just sprung up overnight and it was entirely allowed.

This was not the first time Fudge had been seen influencing the school of late, as of the end of August he'd also enacted Educational Decree Number Twenty-two, giving the Ministry power to elect a teacher at the school should the Headmaster or mistress not find a candidate.

"Oh that's even better, they've been at this since the summer," James said in exasperation, already a spiel of comments he could imagine his parents saying if they'd heard about this.

Weasley continued speaking about how this was how Umbridge had begun her time there, and she was an immediate success-

"Let's put Percy in detention with her and see how long he holds that," Harry said grimly as he rubbed absently at the back of his hand.

"He'd have to be set up to be put in there, and even then I'll bet he could kiss her arse out of it," Sirius growled, perhaps even more darkly than he should have just for having to watch Harry do that.

Harry cut in there to protest the absurdity of that statement, but Hermione shushed him and kept reading about Percy saying she was revolutionizing the teaching of Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"By not teaching them! Yeah, I'd say that's revolutionary!" Remus balked at the absurdity.

The success of this function lead into current Educational Decree Number twenty-three, the creation of the High Inquisitor. A position that allowed the Ministry to evaluate the teachers on premises and make sure they were up to scratch to be teaching future youths. Professor Umbridge had delightfully accepted this role along with her teacher's position.

Lily had to swallow a bitter taint as she almost realized what a good idea that could have been coming from anyone else. Abysmal teachers like Lockhart and Snape wouldn't have been a problem then...but that's not what this job was really doing, and she knew it full well, so didn't bother speaking it.

These new transitions had received much support from parents who had children attending school.

"I do not believe that," James scoffed. "If my folks had heard the Ministry was weaseling around inside Hogwarts they'd have thrown a fit. They never have before and they're just suddenly doing it now after they've spent the summer campaigning what a mentally unstable person Dumbledore was? That doesn't seem the least bit suspicious it's all happening at the same time?"

Lucius Malfoy being quoted as saying his mind was much more at ease knowing Dumbledore was being put under evaluation.

"Ah, well at least that support suddenly made sense," Remus scowled.

The paper continues in saying this was something that should have long since been done considering the controversial appointments over the last few years, including half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, a delusional ex-Auror known as Alastor, Mady-Eye, Moody, and the werewolf Remus Lupin.

Remus suddenly felt such a sharp twist of fear in him he retched on the spot and felt lucky he didn't vomit. He'd never been afraid of attention before, unavoidable when you made friends with James and Sirius, but the fact that his name was actually being thrown out like that honestly made him question how he was even still alive. After all, the last werewolf that had ended up in the papers had a hole hunt formed around him-

Sirius gently cut off this train of thought by smacking Remus upside the head and saying, "knock it off Moony, if they haven't done anything to you before now they're not going to suddenly start just because the Ministry is pushing in. You're long gone, clearly not making a bid to come back, and Dumbledore's got you doing that shitty arse underground work that leaves you so far off the radar anyways it's a miracle if you'll even be reading this."

Remus almost found the comfort somewhere in there, at least his body stopped trying to throw up.

Harry was honestly curious enough to interrupt what this mysterious underground work was. He'd long since gathered it had something to do with Remus staying in contact with other werewolves, but he still longed for details he decided against asking even now because it was such a touchy subject for the poor guy.

Others were not as enthusiastic about these changes, two of the Wizengamot had quit in protest of this.

"While I applaud them," Lily nodded sadly, "but it's almost a backfire on them as well, for the same reason Tonks and Arthur haven't quit their post yet. They do more good holding their tongue and staying on the inside."

"That method ceases being useful when it's all you end up doing," James scowled, though at Harry for holding his tongue far too often.

One being quoted as saying that was a school, not the next outpost for Fudge, this was only further attempts to discredit Dumbledore.

Sirius gave a merry little applause for that bit at least, thankful that this had been put into the paper at all the way it was running lately.

The article ended then with the ominous comment how one of those who had quit had details of goblin subservice groups on a separate page. Hermione said at least now they had their reason of Umbridge being here, and now she could go and inspect all of their teachers? This was outrageous!

Harry agreed with his fist tightly clenched, the words etched into his hand already a dull white instead of having vanished.

James saw red as he realized four days had already been enough to put that mark into his skin. Years later and it was still there. None of them had the delusion this wasn't going to happen to Harry again, and he doubted he could read through it without screaming some more no matter how little good it would do.

But a grin was unfurling on Ron's face.

"I immediately like where his thoughts went," Sirius piped up at once as the same grin appeared, thinking of that foul toad trying to inspect someone like McGonagall and blissfully aware who was going to come up on top.

They asked what he found to smile about, and he said he couldn't wait for Umbridge to inspect McGonagall, the toad wouldn't know what hit her.

The others caught on as well, and now they were all grinning in anticipation of watching McGonagall have a thing or two to say to that pitiful excuse for a teacher.

Hermione stopped the conversation then by getting to her feet and reminding they had History of Magic. Harry was surprised when he didn't find Umbridge in there to inspect the lesson.

"What are the odds she won't be inspecting any of the ones Harry's in?" Remus said without a trace of hope.

"Non existent," James said without looking up.

Nor was she in potions, where Harry was given back his essay with a D for a grade.

"I find it an actual miracle he didn't just flat give you a T," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Once all the assignments had been handed back, Snape gave a speech at the front saying he'd graded these as if they had been OWL finals, and hoped to see better improvement over all, or he would start handing out detentions to the dunces that got d's.

Lily almost felt a twitch appear on her lips again at his alliterations, he'd always gotten a giggle out of her when he did this, but she forced herself not to react.

Malfoy snickered loudly that someone had gotten so low a grade.

"I'm guessing he gave you an O after you cheated off of someone else's," James rolled his eyes.

"Or paid another student to do it," Sirius agreed.

Harry saw Hermione looking sideways at his and he quickly stuffed it out of sight before she could see.

"Why bother?" Remus asked curiously.

"I can already hear the lecture she'd give about how I should have tried harder or some nonsense," Harry sighed.

Lily frowned at him for that, wishing he would try harder in this class even if he did hate the teacher, but at least holding herself back.

Determined not to give Snape a reason to ruin this attempt, Harry carefully studied every line of instructions today before brewing his potion. It was still a bit more runny and not quite the right shade of turquoise like Hermione's, but he handed it in with the satisfaction Snape couldn't say anything about it with mingled defiance and relief.

"I commend you, considering at some point I'd have just chucked the cauldron in his face," James snorted.

Hermione began babbling at once about OWL grades as they left for lunch, saying while she hadn't expected the top grade,

"I don't actually believe that," Remus snorted, "I can already imagine her near the end of this crying every five seconds if she doesn't get all O's."

even a pass at this stage was encouraging.

Neither boy responded, so she kept going on about how they now had time to improve, these grades were the baseline for their future-

"Is she going to keep going with this?" James groaned as he eyed the pages with misery. He'd been starting this thinking of more Umbridge carnage, but instead he'd been suffering through some OWL memories he'd have rather forgotten.

Ron finally cut her off if she wanted to know their grades, she should just ask them.

Hermione feigned surprise at the question, but finally did ask.

Ron said he'd got a P, while Fred popped up then to say there was nothing wrong with a good healthy P.

"Err, doesn't P mean-"

"Poor, yeah," Sirius said with chipper, "only one letter off from acceptable, so really they're not wrong."

Hermione was surprised at this statement, as P stood for Poor?

Lee agreed, then said at least it was better than D for Dreadful.

"I always thought it stood for Dunderhead," James grinned.

"Stop naming things after yourself James," Remus quipped.

Harry did not enter the conversation, but Hermione was still in full swing.

"This is most likely going to be an ongoing topic until next year, when she'll move onto complaining about her NEWT grades two years too early," Sirius groaned.

Hermione kept going saying the passing grades were O for outstanding, then A-

Though Fred corrected her E came next,

James gasped wildly, and then frantically prodded the page with his wand as if insisting to find a flaw.

"What do you mean Hermione doesn't know all these by heart?" Sirius agreed mildly. "The way she was obsessing over them, even having done some pre exams last year, you'd really think she'd know that."

"I'm actually quite sure she only took note of what the top grade was and didn't care about the others," Remus rolled his eyes.

for Exceeds Expectations. Personally he thought he and his twin should have gotten E's on everything, considering they exceeded expectations just by showing up.

Causing all five of them to giggle.

They all laughed except Hermione,

"Why is that a recurring thing, it always makes me sad," Lily sighed.

"Someone needs to tell her she's getting a T for her sense of humor, see if she lightens up any then," James agreed.

who ignored him and agreed then it was A for acceptable, and that was the last passing grade.

Ron mock celebrated then you could get a P, then D, while George finished with T, for troll.

Harry laughed unexpectedly, then looked around and realized that while they were smiling, he realized it was at his reaction, and he blinked in shock.

Harry laughed again, though he was not sure whether or not George was joking.

"Nope," Sirius grinned, "though I don't understand why they'd want to give you a letter grade that would make someone think, well that's better than B for Blast-Ended Skrewt."

"You're an idiot," Remus rolled his eyes.

He imagined end of year and getting T's on all his grades, and immediately resolved to do better on his work.

"Whatever gets you through it love," Lily grinned as the thought had never crossed her mind Harry would do any such thing. Even while being at his breaking point he'd still been putting effort into his homework, there was just no way he'd do so poorly on all his exams if he just tried a little harder.

Fred asked if they'd had an inspected lesson yet, because they just had in Charms.

George agreed she'd just sat in the back of the class making notes the whole time, and Flitwick was perfectly polite to her of course. Then near the end she went around asking them some questions on the subject.

Fred asked who they had for their afternoon classes and when Harry started with Trelawney, Fred agreed a T if ever there was one.

Causing them all to snort with laughter as they suddenly imagined the wonderful idea of if the twins had taken her class and the mayhem that could have been.

Then Umbridge herself.

George warned Harry about minding his manners then, because Angelina would do him in if he missed any more Quidditch practice.

"Because that's the important part," James said grimly as his eyes flashed protectively to his son again, wondering if it was possible Umbridge's detentions could somehow get worse if she realized Harry wasn't going to take her message.

Harry didn't have to wait for his last class to see Umbridge again though. As they were taking their seats inside Divination, a sudden hush went over the room as Umbridge entered, causing Trelawney to look around as Umbridge greeted her.

Lily felt an interesting struggle taking place in her mind. She'd disliked Trelawney from the instant she'd been introduced because of insisting her son was to die, which would set any mother on edge. Yet she hated Umbridge quantifiably worse for actually hurting her baby. She wasn't really sure what she wanted to see happen here, but she wouldn't deny she was listening just as curiously as the others.

She began by asking if she'd received the note Umbridge had sent about the date and time of this inspection?

Trelawney went stiff, nodded without response, and then spoke to the class as if she wasn't there that they would continue looking through their dreams.

"Can't deny I'm already intrigued," Remus said grudgingly. "Trelawney shouldn't have had much to do with her before now considering how rarely she leaves her own tower, which means her ire with this woman must come from something we haven't seen yet."

"Maybe just from students like Parvati and Lavender who might have talked about her," Sirius offered without much thought, but immediately corrected himself when he realized, "but they haven't exactly gone out of their way disliking Umbridge themselves yet either."

"I'm sure it's just the insult of her class being inspected," James snorted.

They divided into pairs and Trelawney went to take her seat, realized Umbridge was standing right behind it, and instead began circling the class.

Harry quickly made up a dream on the spot about how he'd drowned Snape in his cauldron.

"They say dreams are where you live out your fantasies," Sirius snickered.

Ron snickered as he went to work on this, saying you were supposed to add age to the date of the dream, plus the number of letters in the subject, before asking if that was drowning, cauldron, or Snape?

"Drowning, isn't it? The other two are nouns," Remus said absently.

"Nouns can be the subject," Lily shrugged, "it depends on verb usage and-"*

"Please, this is why I was grateful Hogwarts never subjected us to Muggle classes, don't start on things I don't care about," Sirius groaned.

Harry couldn't care less about the answer as Ron went to work while Harry eavesdropped on Umbridge catching up to Trelawney and beginning to ask her some questions, such as how long she'd been in this position?

Trelawney regarded her for a moment before deeming the question worthy of the answer sixteen years.

Harry felt a sudden whack at the base of his skull for some unknown reason, absently reaching up and brushing at the back of his head as if to make sure it was still attached but ultimately ignoring the sensation.

Then Umbridge asked that Dumbledore had appointed her himself?

Though it was getting harder by the moment as Umbridge's questions really were starting to dig something out of the base of his skull that was beginning to build up quite a bit of pressure...

Trelawney kept up her curt replies as Umbridge then asked that she was the great-great-granddaughter of the renowned Seer Cassandra Trelawney?

Remus felt an odd smile flicker across his face as some old Greek myth came to mind about the Seer Cassandra who nobody believed truly was one, but he didn't point this out to the others for once as he was more invested hearing about this.

But she was the first in her family line to have inherited the gift of Second Sight?

Trelawney had to hesitate for a moment before saying these things tended to skip, err, three generations.

"Was the pause because she had to think about it and count that on the spot?" James mocked.

Umbridge was clearly not impressed as she made a few notes of this, and then looked on and asked for a prediction to be made.

Trelawney was outraged at once, saying the Inner Eye did not See upon command!

James was almost amused by this, as normally Trelawney spat out so many predictions in a lesson you couldn't shut the woman up. Now Umbridge was asking for one, and that was offensive?

Umbridge shrugged with indifference as she went to make a note of this, but then Trelawney wildly switched to grasping at the pink cardigan, apparently overcome with the fear of what she was seeing, a dark peril looming...

"I think she made herself worse by doing that," Sirius sighed. "Should have just stuck with the first thing she said, then later and a lot more randomly spouted something at least generally more threatening than that generic mess."

Dolores Umbridge was in grave danger!

Umbridge raised an unimpressed brow and ticked off something before saying that would be all.

Lily actually had to catch herself to stop from laughing. Even knowing Trelawney was a true Seer still didn't make this waffle intimidating in the least, but she despised Umbridge too much to agree with her on any level so she held it in.

She turned away and began asking some students questions, while Trelawney stalked over to Harry and snatched his dream diary away, proclaiming in a carrying voice for all to hear that even his most mundane dreams were filled with fortunes of his death.

"Yeah, there it is," James said tartly, least she could always fall back on that one, though how she managed to make that less believable every time was an actual achievement on some level.

Harry was having a hard time feeling sympathy for her during this, and when they were finally released and entered Umbridge's own class, the woman was humming.

"Urgh, having to listening to croaking all lesson, I'd rather live with a cicada," Sirius rubbed at his ears in thought.

They took their seats in the back and pulled out their books, while the teacher instructed those hopeful few who'd left their wands out not to do this very thing.

"I'm not sure if that's ignorance or delusions," Remus sighed.

They were to begin chapter two now.

Still smiling to herself, she set about some papers on her desk. Harry began flipping mindlessly through until the thought occurred to him if there were enough chapters to keep this going all year, and he was just flipping to check on that when he noticed Hermione's hand raised again.

"So were there?" Lily asked.

"Don't know, never checked," Harry shrugged.

"Even if there weren't, I'm honestly wondering if she'd have just made you reread it from the start or something," Remus rolled his eyes.

Umbridge took a different approach this time and approached her instead, bending down on her level as Hermione told she'd already read chapter two.

When Umbridge told her to go on to the next one then, Hermione stated she'd read the whole book.

"Man I wish I was more surprised, actually I'm just sad for the wasted time," James sighed.

Umbridge looked mildly surprised as she then asked Hermione what the author had said about counter-jinxes in chapter fifteen then?

Hermione gave the accurate answer at once, and Harry saw Umbridge was impressed against her will.

"People get that a lot around her it seems," Sirius mused, he didn't always like Hermione either, but she never failed to impress him with her knowledge at least.

Hermione kept going though, that she did not agree with Mr. Slinkhards interpretation of counter-jinxes and his statement they were only used as another form of jinx-

Umbridge cut her off this wasn't up for discussion.

"That was already established," Lily cocked her head to the side as she tried to understand, "what was the goal of her doing this?"

James shushed her and read quickly to find out, if anyone could find a way to push Umbridge's buttons and make something interesting happen in that class, he'd bet on Hermione.

Hermione tried to say something else, but Umbridge cut her off by taking five points from their house, while Harry demanded what for? Ignoring Hermione's warning for him not to get involved.

"She is sitting right next to you when she started this," Remus rolled his eyes, "don't tell me she really thinks you'd stay out of it."

Umbridge gave the answer for disrupting class pointlessly.

"She simply asked a question of what she was supposed to do now she's done with the work," Sirius tried for an innocent tone, ineffective as he wasn't likely to receive an answer for that anymore than Hermione.

She was going to teach them a Ministry-approved method that did not include inviting students to give opinions on things they didn't understand.

"Every bit of that was the most ludicrous thing I've yet heard her say," Remus said faintly.

"I particularly like the part they're not supposed to have opinions on what's being 'taught'," Sirius sneered.

"She read the whole book, how can she still try to make that claim!" Lily demanded.

"I'm beginning to wonder if there's something conceded about her," James said deadpan.

Their previous teachers, with the exception of Quirrell, would never have passed an inspection-

Harry cut off Quirrell had been great, except the fact that he'd had Voldemort's head sticking out of the back of his own.

"I'm actually wondering how many of the students knew that at the end of the year anyways," Remus suddenly blinked in surprise.

"Not the point," Harry grumbled.

Umbridge hardly acknowledge what he'd said except to give him another week of detentions.

Lily made a guttural, maddening noise of frustration for Harry suffering through that all over again, and she vented on the only person available. "Harry James, stop antagonizing her! It's clearly done you no good, after multiple people have warned you to stop, and you are suffering more consequences than doing any good!"

Harry flushed with anger for a moment, considered snapping back he was doing more good than anyone else was even bothering to try, but then considered the fact that snapping at her would achieve nothing. His mother was simply angry with the situation and he did not want to start yelling at them like he had been his friends in the past, so he simply held his tongue and nodded absently, also failing to mention whatever he did he couldn't go back and stop himself from doing it here now could he.

The first consequences of this came up at dinner that night, where Fred's prediction came true at once and Angelina caused such a racket with her yelling at him over having to miss another practice that McGonagall swopped in and interceded, taking points away at once for all the noise in the middle of the Great Hall. Several Ravenclaws at the table behind were still watching the show.**

Angelina wasn't deterred, saying he deserved it for another detention ruining her regime.

McGonagall turned sharp eyes on Potter, demanding who this detention was from, and very clearly displeased at the answer as she took another five points away.

"Who takes away house points after you find out someone has detention?" James demanded in outrage. "What's McGonagall playing at, he's already suffering enough for this!"

"I guess she did warn him not to continue messing with her," Remus sighed, "this is her way of punishing him for disobeying her as well."

"That did not make this feel better," Sirius scowled.

Harry tried to protest he was already being punished enough, but McGonagall wouldn't hear it, claiming detentions didn't seem to work on him so maybe this would.

"The worst part is she doesn't even know what's going on in those detentions," Lily groaned miserably, just begging for the sharp eyed woman to spot Harry's hand and raise hell for it any day now.

She warned them both to confine the shouting to the pitch before departing.

"I do love how she says confine shouting at Harry, not stop it," Sirius muttered.

Harry slammed into his seat beside Ron in a fuming mess as he demanded how it was fair he was getting his hand sliced open and losing points?!

"Maybe she wouldn't if she knew that part," James seethed.

Ron was sympathetic for him, saying she was out of order with that one.

"Are we really the only ones insisting on how dumb it is you haven't mentioned this," Lily demanded. "What about Hermione?"

"Still haven't told her yet either," Harry muttered as he shifted uneasily in his seat, still wishing this would stop being mentioned all together.

Hermione, however, merely rustled the pages of her Daily Prophet and said nothing.

"So she does know?" Remus yelped at this glossed over development.

"I guess Ron did tell her at some point," Harry blinked in surprise, he'd been too angry to realize what he was saying to whom at the time. "Honestly I'm just happy she didn't give me another go to Dumbledore speech, so I'm grateful I wasn't around when she did find out."

Nobody agreed with him, though clearly repetition wasn't doing any good regardless.

Harry snapped at her that he thought their head of house was in the right then?

Hermione answered cooly that she wished Harry wouldn't get points taken away, but she also wished he'd stop losing his temper around Umbridge.

"Hermione was the one who started the last two fights!" Sirius couldn't help but defend. "Harry more than likely would have sat in the back of the class and not said a word if it wasn't for her."

"You can't blame Harry's action on what Hermione decides to do," Lily scolded.

"Doesn't help one of his mates isn't trying to fix this problem either," Remus shrugged.

Harry did not speak to Hermione all through their next class, but all memory of the fight evaporated when he walked into Transfiguration and first spotted Umbridge instead of McGonagall.

James actually began wriggling in place in sudden excitement. If he'd put money on anyone giving that toad a run for her galleons it would be McGonagall, there was no way she could push her around like she just had to Trelawney.

The three watched almost eagerly as class began, McGonagall acting as if the extra woman wasn't even there as she instructed Dean to pass out homework, and Lavender to start handing out mice, and warning that vertebrate animals were much harder to-

Harry was distracted as he got his work back and saw he'd made an A.

"And that was with the minimal effort," James applauded, while Lily rolled her eyes at him even if she did agree.

Dean took his seat and mouse and was at once scolded for doing something to it that would wind him up in detention-

"What'd he do?" James demanded on the same breath as he'd finished.

"He was trying to place it on Parvati's shoulder," Harry shrugged.

"Less inventive than I was hoping," Remus sighed.

While Umbridge used the same, hem, hem, cough to try and get attention.

McGonagall turned cold eyes on her as Umbridge began that McGonagall had received the date and time of her inspec-

McGonagall coolly cut across of course she had, otherwise she'd be wondering why the woman was here.

James made a little squee noise when he was done with that response while Sirius was already full blown laughing, he knew McGonagall was his favorite teacher for a reason!

Harry and Remus shared a triumphant smile while Lily said impatiently, "James if you don't keep going, I will," though her eyes were sparkling with their own amusement for their old head of house.

James clutched the book to him protectively as he kept going with glee.

Then she kept going as if nothing had happened, even though Umbridge did the same act again not moments later.

McGonagall didn't even face her this time as she said sharply how Umbridge expected to get an idea of her teaching methods if she kept being interrupted, as she did not permit others to talk while she was.

James couldn't do it though, he immediately burst out laughing again, and this time Lily couldn't deny joining in. This was hardly the fiery pit they wanted to toss Umbridge into for what she'd done to Harry, but even seeing someone hold their own against her in this way was the most satisfying thing that had happened so far!

Umbridge looked as if she'd been slapped, before hastily turning to a fresh page and scribbling furiously.

"I would pay anything to get my hands on those notes," Sirius' grin was slipping past amusement right into evil. "See just what her version of, I need a burn healing charm looks like."

Looking supremely unconcerned, Professor McGonagall addressed the class once more.

Harry wasn't paying much attention to her warnings of the complexity of the larger the animal the harder it was to vanish, he was to busy whispering to his friends how she could get onto him about losing his temper when she wasn't acting much better. There was no anger though, as he grinned at McGonagall, all anger forgotten.

"Technically McGonagall hasn't gained a detention yet, so she's still doing better than you," Sirius smirked even as he was leaning forward eagerly to hear more of this.

At the end of the lesson, Ron was putting away only a wriggling tail,

"It is indeed a good mark he's already got the larger portion of the body by the end of the first day," James agreed absently, his eyes still eagerly hoping for more between Umbridge and McGonagall.

as they began to file out, but hung back when they realized Umbridge was going up to talk to McGonagall. She asked only one question, of how long she'd been at this post?

McGonagall said thirty-nine years in December.

Umbridge jotted this down before saying she'd receive her results in ten days.

McGonagall gave the curt reply of how she couldn't wait as she swept away.

"She really shouldn't act so thrilled, sets a bad impression," Remus snorted.

She barked at the three lingering at the door to get a move on, but Harry swore she smiled as she passed.

"Favorite teacher," James repeated warmly, hoping that would leave some kind of impact on Harry in Umbridge's next class. He wasn't the only one defying Umbridge.

Harry sadly turned up at his next class only to find Umbridge there again, already talking to Grubbly-Plank. She was being asked that this was not her standard position, to which the sub agreed she was only standing in for Professor Hagrid.

"I don't think anyone's yet called him that," Sirius' face crinkled as that registered.

"Does sound kind of weird, even if it is appropriate," Remus agreed.

Harry's spirits sunk as he watched Malfoy approaching as well, knowing he'd love nothing more than to gossip about Hagrid strait to the Ministry.

"He's already been doing that, surely he can't do even worse damage," Lily said with unease even she didn't believe.

Umbridge then asked if Grubbly-Plank knew anything of Hagrid's absence, but the woman was bare on the subject, saying she'd simply been asked to fill in for an unspecified time, she'd agreed, and here they were.

Umbridge waved for her to start the class then, and they continued their work on bowtruckles as Umbridge went around the class and began asking students about magical creatures, to which no one gave a flawed answer. Harry at least felt hopeful none of them were letting Hagrid down.

Remus couldn't help but wince for that, thinking that was far more likely luck depending on the questions she was asking.

Then Umbridge circled back to Grubbly-Plank, asking how a new staff member felt here? Supported, or more ostracized from the everyday crowd.

Grubbly-Plank gave the simple answer she'd always felt welcomed here, never had a problem.

Umbridge looked politely incredulous,

"That she's the only one being treated like scum? Can't imagine why that would be," Sirius snorted.

"I'm sure that's a look," James snorted, his liking for Grubbly-Plank going up somewhat. Sure she was having to stand in for Hagrid, but at least she wasn't going behind his back and trying to rub up to Umbridge, he could respect that.

She then switched to asking of reports she had from injuries in this class, but Malfoy enthusiastically stepped in then, saying that was done to him, he was attacked by a hippogriff.

"At his own stupidity," James emphasized. "Everyone seems to skip that bit!"

Umbridge began almost happily jotting this down, while Harry shouted over at them it was because Malfoy was being too stupid to listen to Hagrid before it happened.

"Oh, thank you Harry," James groaned, that hadn't been what he meant at all.

Harry shrugged without remorse.

Umbridge turned a pleased smile on him as she gave him another week of detentions.

"What was that one even for?" Lily all but screeched. "Doesn't she still have to give a reason!"

Baby Harry began squirming in unease underneath his toy so she forced herself not to keep going while James pushed on, mostly because the answer was no, that woman didn't have to give a reason to anyone about anything she did. It was becoming quite clear that was the scariest part of all to look forward to.

That evening, despite the late hour, Harry did not return to the common room empty this time, but found Ron and Hermione waiting up for him. Hermione seemed anxious at his visage as she pushed a yellow bowl towards him, telling him it was essence of murtlap and it would help.

Harry wasn't quite sure what that was, but when he put his hand, that was bleeding freely, into it it soothed the pain at once.

Ron still tried to push Harry should tell someone about this, McGonagall would do something, but Harry still wouldn't hear it, pointing out next thing they knew there'd be a decree that the person who questioned Umbridge would get fired.

"That would still cause enough of a stir in the community for it to be relevant and absolutely worth it," James tried to keep his voice even as he explained to Harry. "McGonagall's tough as they come, even if she did have to leave for a time she'd be right back the next day because Dumbledore would never let that stand, and he'd have support from those realizing how ludicrous this all is getting."

"Please tell me you've been seeing reports in the Daily Prophet about more people saying what a problem this is," Lily agreed.

Harry just shrugged though, Hermione only passed along very certain things, and she hadn't said anything about this. If the wider wizarding world did care about what was going on, he wasn't hearing about it.

Ron tried to think of some way to argue, but then closed his mouth back.

Hermione hissed what an awful woman she was, they really should do something about her.

"Tie her to the Whomping Willow?" Sirius suggested at once.

"Transfigure her into a cat and introduce her to Fang?" James smirked.

"Introduce her to the mermaids of the Black Lake," Remus said just a touch bitterly.

"See how long she could survive in the Forbidden Forest," Harry envisioned the fun.

"Poison?" Lily couldn't seem to stop herself tacking in much to all the boys amusement.

Ron had suggested poison,

"Ha!" Lily pumped a fist in triumph, "two against you lot!"

"That's fair," Sirius miraculously gave in.

"Can it at least be a slow acting one?" James contended.

"I can work that," Lily agreed.

but Hermione said she'd meant something more practical about her horrid teaching habits, how they weren't learning any Defence this year.

"Well I mean, she's not wrong," Remus snorted.

"Yet I don't really see how that's so different from your first two years either," Sirius sighed.

Ron couldn't see a way around this, she had the job and that clearly wasn't changing any time soon.

"At least until the end of the year," Lily still looked for that bright spot.

Hermione shot Harry a nervous look before beginning to tell what she was thinking today,

"Should I be worried that's how this is starting?" James looked bemused as he kept going.

that they should just learn DADA themselves.

"That's really not that far fetched an idea," Remus shrugged, "we had to do it a few years as well. Our teachers never got to the level of trying to kill us mind you, but they weren't all stellar either."

"I don't know, remember Novak? Considering how many spells he used backfired on himself, I think at some point that counts as attempted murder when he still encouraged us to trust him," Lily shrugged.

Ron scoffed at the idea of doing more extra homework, they were already behind as is.

Hermione said this was more important than homework.

"Hang on," Sirius mimed cleaning out his ears, "alright read that bit again."

James ignored him.

The boys goggled at her saying such blasphemy, Ron insisting she'd always said homework was the most important thing in the universe!

Hermione brushed them off for being silly,

"She had yet to say otherwise," Harry rubbed at his ear at all her remembered lectures.

stating this was about learning to defend themselves from what was out there.

Harry looked honestly bemused Hermione had taken his words to heart like that, no matter how much he still vouched for them being true.

Ron still wasn't on the idea, saying sure they could look up jinxes and practice them, but-

"Just like you did at the end of last year," James agreed, "that seemed to help you out loads, even with a competent if murderous teacher."

but Hermione said it would be all the better if they had a teacher, someone who already knew a boat load of spells and could correct them if they were doing it wrong.

Harry began if she was talking about Lupin,

"Naw, you're the first teacher he thought of Moony," Sirius chuckled.

"Shut up Padfoot," Remus said around a smile.

but Hermione at once said that wouldn't work, he couldn't come around often enough to be of help.

"Not with that Umbridge woman about anyways," Lily said grimly, as it had honestly been a good idea for a moment for Dumbledore to summon him to the castle at his random choosing, and just incidentally running into Harry and his friends, for a few hours, no one in the school would really question that too much if it had worked out that way. That pink frosted lump of dragon dung though would put a wrench into anything like that.

Harry couldn't imagine who else she was talking about, but then she said him of course.

Harry looked at his dad in bewilderment, before looking at the other three who all looked just as surprised at the answer as him to his relief.

"Honestly, for a moment there I thought she was leading up to herself," James snorted.

"I mean, I suppose she's not got the wrong idea," Lily pulled gently on a strand of hair as she thought about it, "but no offense love, I haven't really seen you with the patience yet to be teaching anyone much."

"Ron was better at teaching you chess than you were explaining how a phone worked," Sirius snorted in agreement.

"Oh stop picking on him," Remus scolded, though Harry hardly looked offended, he still had a politely puzzled expression on his face like he was still nursing the idea and had hardly heard them. "I don't find it a bad idea at all, Harry was the only thirteen year old I've ever seen to manage a Patronus, even you two hadn't managed that until fifth year to find out what you were going to turn into only a few months later. If Harry could master that, I'm sure passing that knowledge along wouldn't be much of a challenge."

"There's a difference between being a good student and being as good a teacher," Sirius shrugged, but he backed down altogether as Harry was starting to look a little hurt they were still giggling more than anything at the idea.

James kept himself going in hopes Hermione would come to some conclusion this should be more a group effort between the three than Harry starting secret lessons to teach these two anything.

Harry was stunned at the idea, turning to Ron for some backup, but he seemed just as keen on this as Hermione now she'd pointed it out.

Harry began laughing it off, saying what good would he do, while Hermione said in exasperation to think of all he'd done.

"Really Harry, you apparently spent all summer complaining about this bit, but you need this part explained," James rolled his eyes.

When Harry still didn't get their meaning, Ron started to laugh he didn't want someone this stupid teaching him, before beginning loudly of all his accomplishments, like second year killing the Basilisk and Riddle.

Harry tried to interrupt that had been Fawkes and-

"I really am loving the reverse of this conversation," Sirius gave a forced smile. "How are you the one saying you shouldn't get credit for doing this now, when it was you shouting at them you did all this single handedly to them at that house?"

Harry was scarlet by now, both from remembered shock of his friends throwing this at him, and how true that comment was that put on the spot he still didn't want to admit all the things he'd done no matter how angry he'd been he'd felt ignored.

"Can't have it both ways," Lily told him gently as she seemed to read his mind.

Ron completely ignored him and was still going on, coming up with fourth year and everything he'd done there as well, he and Hermione were smirking by the end as Harry felt his temper rising, he wasn't even sure where the anger was coming from.

"Actually neither am I," James frowned lightly from the book to Harry now. "At most they're still pulling your leg, what's the anger for?"

Harry brushed at his scar without comment, a deep look in his eyes that shot a thrill of fear through James instantly promising him he actually didn't want to know the answer, so he quickly moved on.

He began telling them how he'd blundered through all that, not because he was any good at Defence, he'd always had help and- stop laughing at him!

Remus let out a low whistle of surprise as he told Harry, "when you get angry, you really ramp yourself right to the top at once."

"Harry doesn't do anything halfway," Sirius said halfheartedly, Harry leaning back into the couch looking miserable he'd been caught shouting at them again, and they hadn't done anything even remotely close to deserving it this time.

He lunged to his feet so fast he knocked the essence of murtlap away, now practically shouting at them they didn't understand, none of that had been skill when he'd fought Voldemort, that Cedric had been just as good as him and he'd died so if they were insinuating he'd messed up and Harry had somehow done something better-

James had winced at every blow Harry dealt his friends, of all the pain and fear his son had suffered without anyone there to help, how even hearing it first hand hadn't quite left them with the reality Harry had lived through. To them it was all in a distant future, something they hoped never had to happen to him and so without underplaying the events happening they kept pushing past these terrible moments because it would ultimately help him to remember them just to find a way he'd never have to live through them. Most of all, James wanted more than anything for Harry never to have to witness what had happened in that graveyard, to Cedric.

Ron looked aghast Harry had come to the conclusion they were having a go at Cedric.

Harry was aware, and very grateful no one had snapped at him for this in here. He distantly saw himself doing these things, pushed into this uncontrollable anger from something he didn't understand, but one truth stood out his friends would never insinuate any such thing, so he was grateful for the silence ringing in here.

Hermione was near tears now as she insisted this was exactly the reason they needed to learn, he was the only one who had ever faced V-Voldemort.

"Well there's a distraction if ever there was one," Sirius blinked slowly to refocus off of Harry's anger, how everything he'd said had been all too real.

It was the first time Hermione had ever said Voldemort's name, and for some reason this calmed Harry. He sat back in his seat, his hand now throbbing worse than ever and gazed at the broken glass and essence of Murtlap now seeping into the carpet.

Hermione got her feet as if to go to bed, quietly asking him to just think about it.

Lily opened her mouth, wanting to say something in comfort as well as push for a change of subject, but Harry was still looking miserable and rubbing hard at his scar again, so she was afraid to push him while he was too vulnerable.

Harry nodded silent agreement now as she went off to bed, Ron following suit. Harry repaired the bowl with a quick spell, but could do nothing for more medicine for his hand.

"Wonder how she got hold of that," Sirius happily shot off, as always just looking for something to say in the awkward silence.

"She's too proud asking the house-elves for a batch," Remus played along, "I more imagine she might have asked Madam Pomfrey for some, given a vague reason as to why she wanted it."

"I'll buy that," Sirius said, looking hopefully at Harry like he was hoping for confirmation, but even if he had ever bothered to ask Harry spoke nothing for or against the idea.

He was more exhausted now than when he'd stepped in, but still he forced himself to climb up the stairs rather than sleeping in the common room, and had another restless night of dreams full of locked corridors, and waking to his scar prickling again.

Harry twitched harder than ever in his seat, his eyes swimming with pain as he yearned to understand how it all fit together, and terrified of learning the answer.

HPHPHPHPHP

I probably came off pretty anti-government in this chapter, and I swear I'm not actually trying to whip up a rebellion and start an anarchy, I just always found it really extreme that clearly since it's conception Hogwarts seemed to have stood as it's own body, but suddenly the government was stepping in and causing a ton of reforms, and the public seems generally okay with this? Of course the Daily Prophet likely didn't post more outrage than a couple people quitting, I don't even know how it would have been put into the narrative, I'd just have liked to see more people be confused and angry about this sudden regime change going on inside the most popular wizarding school in Britain.

*I was actually never very good at English, I have no clue what the actual answer was, thank you for nothing four years of high school.

**I pointed this out in the last book, but this is now a blatant mismatch of the house tables. Last time it was the Hufflepuffs on their other side as Harry had to walk past them, this time it's Ravenclaws? Someone must have been right in saying it does switch up on a regular basis.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #Marauders #Jilly #OotP #James Potter #Remus lupin #Sirius Black #Lily Potter #The LIfe that Never LIved

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worldcrawlerhp · 4 years

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Concept on Lucius Malfoy

So here is an idea I have been toying with, and I don’t actually think this is an accurate representation of Lucius, but I think it is an interesting one to look into;

TLDR: Lucius’ actions could be twisted to create a rather different character! Sorry this got super long!

What if Lucius has a soft spot; namely for children. So say he was a hardcore Death Eater in his youth because Abraxus Malfoy brought him up to be and offered him up to Voldy.

BUT! Then he gets betrothed and married to Narcissa and they have a child! Suddenly Voldy is not the most important thing anymore; L has a family that he loves. Fuck all those convictions, he needs to find a way out of it, and when Voldemort ‘dies’ he immediately pleads imperious because like hell is he going to leave his wife and newborn son. He dishes out as much money as is needed to make it believable.

He of course knows deep down that the dark lord will return, and so has to be seen to be ‘loyal’ to the old ways, but in reality he keeps a rather low profile.

In terms of blood purity, it is always present within the wider family, but both Lucius and Narcissa attempt to brush it under the carpet in front of their son. After the reappearance of Harry Potter in Draco’s first year of school though, a lot of the old sort start frequenting him again, and voices of the Return start circulating.

The summer before Draco’s second year, he has taken to listening in at dinner parties where Lucius has to say the ‘right’ things in front of the ‘right people. He is mortified when he realises Draco has been listening in to them and has started parroting the blood purity rhetoric. But he does not correct him, as if the Return happened, they would need to toe the line to stay alive. Deserting Death Eaters and their families did not survive very long. It would be more prudent to allow Draco to be seen as supporting the pureblood ways publicly, and Merlin knows the boy can’t keep a secret!

That same summer, Lucius panics about the blasted diary because he realises it has something to do with Voldemort, and believes it may be the key to the Return. He can’t just hand it in anywhere though because it would implicate his whole family, and he is not sure who is on the lookout at the ministry. He knows for a fact there are die-hard purists in there.

So gets rid of it with on the least-suspecting family he can find; the Weasleys. Nobody in their right mind would believe they voluntarily owned dark artifacts, so they would find it, turn it in to Dumbledore when the Weasley girl returned to school and he would be able to destroy it. It was the best course of action; get the diary to Dumbledore without implicating himself and with a vessel who could never be implicated herself.

When he hears about the absolute chaos happening at the school he knows the diary must be involved but has no idea how! Wasn’t that oaf Hagrid the one who opened the chamber of secrets? He is just relieved nobody was killed, but Lucius has started to study because he figures out that Voldemort must have opened the chamber last time too... so who was Voldemort? He eventually uncovers Tom Riddle... a half blood. He feels even more idiotic but is hopeful the crisis is averted as the Potter boy destroys the diary.

But then everything crashes around them when he hears of the demonstration some of his old brothers in arms plan at the world cup. He sends Draco on an errand to warn Potter and his blood traitor and muggleborn friends to get out of there as soon as possible... although he may have disguised his order as a cruel jibe. Children shouldn’t be involved.

He goes crazy when he is summoned to the graveyard. One boy already dead, Potter trapped. He cannot see a way out of this, and now he has shown his face to Voldemort at least he won’t have him hunting them down. For now. he needs to find a way out of this but without arousing suspicion.

He is sent to the Department of Mysteries the following year, and asserts himself as the leader of their expedition. His crazy sister in law would murder Potter and any other children on the spot! He successfully stalls, and needs to get his hands on that blasted prophecy. He needs to know how they must defeat the Dark Lord, and for that he wants Potter to cooperate. The other Death Eaters threaten the other children and would have killed them if it weren’t for him stalling them, chasing Potter, trying to reason with him.

The mission fails though. He is sent to Azkaban which is definitely NOT part of the plan and drives himself mad in frustration. Everything he had done to stay out of this place to stay with his family and now that blasted thing (for he did not seem human anymore) was back and he was in the cell he had avoided years before.

When he is ‘rescued’ it is to be imprisoned in his own home; the price of failing a mission, of being too soft to kill or maim children. Lucius thinks the man has lost it, but he makes his displeasure very clear. In order to stay alive, in order to keep Narcissa and Draco alive, Lucius has to take it.

However the summer before Draco’s 6th year, Voldemort decides he needs somebody inside the school. His main nemesis being Dumbledore, locked up in that fortress. And he chooses Draco. Draco!

Narcissa cries and will not speak to Lucius, Lucius tries to convince Voldemort to pick somebody else, have another plan, but he is unmovable. And so, Lucius has to watch as Draco is branded as his father watched him years before, and then listen to the suicidal mission handed to his son.

Narcissa informs Lucius about the unbreakable vow. It is the first thing she says to him in over a month. Lucius feels his shame cannot get any larger.

Somehow, his son survives. He had petitioned to be the one going through the cabinet - he planned to incapacitate the others or destroy the cabinet before they could get through, pick up his son and run to Dumbledore. Narcissa would have quietly slipped away. But Voldemort has other plans, or perhaps can read him through his occlumancy shields, and Lucius only sees his son when he returns ‘victorious’ to the manor. He cannot get any joy from the turn of events; the one man who may have been able to help them was now dead thanks to Slimey Severus Snape.

Draco is not the same. Draco is not the same and it sinks Lucius into a deep pit of despair. The depravity of the acts conducted in his house, and he could say nothing about it. Murders on the dinner table. He cannot eat. At night he and Narcissa lie awake side by side, not touching. Draco cannot speak to them and he can see how his son is withering away.

Then those three are brought to the Manor. He curses all the power of magic because his crazy sister in law is there AGAIN! He wants to act but needs a positive identification from Draco - if this really IS Potter and friends, which he is pretty sure it is - then they would have leverage with the Resistance to escape and be protected. He could swap Potter for Malfoy protection. But then his son does not identify them. He knows Draco is lying, he knows his son, and thinks that actually that may work better - Bellatrix would be difficult to get rid of. If she thinks this is not Potter, he can keep them in the dungeon until she left the house.

But then Bloody Bellatrix decides to torture the poor girl who travels with them! On the drawing room floor of all places. He sees how much seeing his schoolmate in that state affects Draco, but knows there is nothing he can do about it then. He restrains his son from any rash actions, but is aware this might break him, so pays attention is willing to distract Bellatrix should she go on for too long.

Then they are rescued by that bloody good-for-nothing house elf! His ticket out of there! And it is still a mystery how they managed to kill Pettigrew (good riddance, snivelling rat).

The final battle comes around. He and Narcissa are now talking; they have both had enough. They have funds abroad, and all they need to do is get their son and leave, and hope to Merlin that Dumbledore’s protege finds a way to end it. He pleads a bad leg and Narcissa a lack of wand to stay out of the fighting.

When Narcissa lies to Voldemort about Potter, Lucius knows something is happening. She gives him a look, but he cannot possibly understand what she is trying to tell him. Covered by the sounds of a sobbing groundskeeper, she murmurs to him to be ready, so he is on high alert.

Then suddenly Potter is alive? Good, maybe the kid can do it. As they walk into Hogwarts there are dead children everywhere. Narcissa delicately throws up in some shrubs but the panic sets in. They have to find Draco and get him out of there. Regardless of who wins, they are too visible. Not attacking anybody and openly crying out for their son they search the school until they find him slumped in a corridor that is thankfully still intact, clothes and hair scorched, wheezing, and crying for his friend who they believe must have died. They worry he has hurt his head, and when they return to the entrance they see Potter has won. They chance asking for medical help for Draco to make sure he is alright.

It seems he will have to teach his son how to play helpless so they both get out of this mess, but if he has to take the fall he will. That cell in Azkaban has had his name on it for a while now, and he owes it to Draco to keep his son free. No more suffering for the mistakes of the father.

#meta #harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter discourse #lucius #lucius malfoy #malfoy #narcissa malfoy #draco #draco malfoy #thoughts

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vake-hunter · 4 years

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Acceptance into the House of Chimes results and which Master is playing Chimes in those results

this is fun and cute little details about the Masters

An innocent (Pages)

A fresh face among the jaded horde! No doubt you will achieve great things one day. But watch yourself: in Fallen London, innocence is a commodity like any other.

Mr Chimes glides across the floor and grasps your hand in a spotless white glove. It feels like shaking a branch wound with spider-silk. 'Most optimate friend!' it whispers. 'Welcome to our Chamber of Delicacies!'

An Extraordinary Beauty (Apples/Hearts)

Persuasive 20

That skin! Those eyes! That delightful nose! Nobody can resist you!

Mr Chimes glides across the floor and surveys you up and down. 'My dear, my dear,' it says. 'How very appetising to have you here with us. Will you tilt your head to the right a little? Just so. Just so.'

A Player of Games (Iron)

Watchful 20, the Boatman's Opponent 1

You are an emperor of the chess board. You shuffle tiles and playing cards with dazzling speed. Rumour has it that you have diced with Death itself.

Mr Chimes approaches: the clicking of its boot-heels on the floor is like bone dice thrown on marble. It hands you two mah-jong tiles. Engraved on the back of the Winter tile is the single word 'WELCOME'. On the back of the Plum tile, you read 'LUCK IS THE PREROGATIVE OF VICTORS.'

A noted trainer of Weasels (Apples/Hearts)

1 x Araby Fighting Weasel

The weasel-fanciers of Spite speak highly of your expertise with the genus mustela.

Mr Chimes is suddenly at your elbow. It inhales deeply. 'Oh, toothsome, my dear,' it says. 'Toothsome. Let the little fellows run free, by all means. Someone will manage the results, I assure you.'

A true patriot (Wines)

1 x A Copy of your Patriotic Adventure

Your writings inspire the youth of Fallen London to a frenzy of patriotism!

Mr Chimes takes your arm and guides you into the lobby of the House. Its grasp is like the clutch of a winter tree. 'We respect loyalty to an ideal,' it says. 'One of the more austere forms, perhaps. But a true realisation nevertheless. No?'

A masterful cat-chaser (UH I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW? Veils maybe?)

Shadowy 30

You have honed your skills in pursuit of the city's most evasive felines. They speak your name with respect, if not quite affection.

Mr Chimes steals up on you from behind, but you turn just before its gloved fingers touch your shoulder. It chortles. 'Who can stalk the stalker, eh? Welcome to my House. Ware the Bell!'

Not to be crossed (Iron probably)

Dangerous 20

There is something disquieting about your appearance. It's hard to pin down, exactly. An aura of suppressed violence.

Mr Chimes strides toward you. It holds up a hand in greeting. Or in warning? It nods once; it turns to go. That is all.

A crown in shadows (Wines)

1 Fate

Royal blood? Can it be true? On the wrong side of the blankets, no doubt. But that's what they say.

Mockery or respect?

Mr Chimes steps aside for you and makes the gentlest inclination of its head. 'We will bring you a bottle of something a little special,' it avers. 'We are delighted to add another crownable head to our collection!' Hm.

Allergic to brass? (Spices probably)

1 x Nevercold Brass Sliver

The touch of the stuff hives your skin and blears your eyes. It makes you weep tears of blood. This makes you an object of some fascination at parties.

A bewildered Master

Unthinkable!' the hooded Mr Chimes shrieks. 'Impossible! Unprecedented!' It seems quite cheerful about it, though. It does insist you demonstrate the weeping-blood business, unfortunately.

Exceptionally Talented (Cups/Mirrors. Possibly Hearts/Apples but almost definitely Cups/Mirrors)

10 x Confident Smile, Persuasive 100

Both ladies and gentlemen pause immediately before speaking your name. There is a quality to that pause which is not easily described.

A friendly thing

Mr Chimes' hand spiders along your arm. 'My dear,' it coos. 'If only my tastes ran to... well, perhaps if your blood was a little cooler. No matter, my dear. You will be treasured.'

The Rooftop Dancer (Veils)

Shadowy 60, Route: The Flit 1

You know the ways of the Flit like few others. They say you can reach the summit of All Christs' spire in the space of a single breath. They say you stole a feather from the Topsy King's hat. They call you 'Pussyfoot', but in a good way.

An avuncular approach

Mr Chimes drifts up like a scrap of silk on the wind. 'Good evening! Good evening indeed! You're a swift and circumspect maker of ways, aren't you? You are indeed! How very much to be admired.'

An Unparalelled Grotesque (Maybe Wines because it has blue eyes)

10 x Hard-Earned Lesson

In the decades since the Fall, no-one has ever looked quite like you. Thank God.

A long silence

The bluish glimmer of Mr Chimes' eyes is steady, but you sense an obscure emotion. 'Well,' it says at last, 'why not? Why not indeed.'

A Visionary (Wines. Not Pages due to wording. Royal we makes it Wines)

A Person of Some Importance: A Significant Individual

You have made the Square of Lofty Words your playground. You have cowed the women and men of the University. Your ideas are simple in outline and intricate in implication. They will be remembered, perhaps, when everyone in this room is dead. Except Mr Chimes.

A debatable honour

‘Dear friend,' Mr Chimes murmurs confidentially. 'We have often read the surveillance reports on your speeches. We have commended your texts to the Ministry of Public Decency. We look forward to hearing more of your thoughts.'

A Prisoner of Despair (Fires)

Melancholy 4

Can your misery be so deep and unrelieved that even Mr Chimes has taken pity on you? Or does it simply hope you'll be a diverting mascot?

Mockery, or Hope?

Mr Chimes bears down on you, robe flapping like a tent in a hurricane. Its voice is an alto shriek. 'Come along upstairs! It's warm enough. It'll steam the chill out of your heart. And, here - ' It hands you a candle. 'It'll light you to bed.'

A Speaker of Truth to Power (Iron)

Forceful 3, Subtle 3

You've said the wrong thing to the wrong people once too often. You're going to be a lot of fun.

An ambivalent welcome

Mr Chimes perches on a high carved chair like a black gull on a cliff. A footman approaches with a silver tray bearing a single card. It reads: 'SILENCE'. An announcement? A suggestion? An instruction? Or is Mr Chimes just being difficult for its own inscrutable entertainment?

A Possessor of Impossible Table Habits (Who knows. One who knows table manners I guess)

What are you - no. No! Such things were not to be dreamt of! A fork cannot be put to such uses! Close your mouth! Close his mouth! For the love of all that is holy! DON'T TOUCH THAT SPOON!

Mr Chimes arranges an audition of sorts. You are served a hearty meal of beef-steak and winter vegetables, and provided with all the cutlery you might require. You perform the operations for which you have become notorious. After a suitable time for the onlookers to recover their composure, you are admitted to the House.

Orphaned in a Grisly Accident (I want to say Veils due to what we know of its collections)

Mr Chimes likes tales of blood and terror. It likes tales of butter and whimsy too. Tales of blood, terror, butter and whimsy are like music and water to one dying of thirst in the Desert of Cymbals. The tale of your parents' death at the hands of the Dairy Kings will bring breathless listeners to the fire for a hundred nights.

Not a dry eye

You tell the tale, long and horrible as it is. Mr Chimes convulses with... Mirth? Pity? Fear? Black-liveried footmen watch impassively while its shoulders writhe and roll, and its eyes shimmer like topaz deep in its hood. At last it subsides and you are admitted to the House. 'Step carefully,' Mr Chimes flutes.

An Artist in Ivory (Wines was the Khan of Dreams, but this could be Spices talking. Or Cups/Mirrors.)

a Scholar of the Correspondence 1

You have carved flutes from femurs and trinkets from tibia. Your sigil-circled skull sits in the grandest gallery of Veilgarden. They whisper that when you die for the last time, Mr Cups itself will come for your bones.

A pale horse

‘A little gift,' Mr Chimes informs you. 'Something to recall the Khan of Dreams by. Since you seem so keen to commemorate him.' Do you? Or has Mr Chimes misunderstood the nature of your project?

A wanderer of Parabola (Mirrors)

7 x Memory of Light, A Game of Chess 9, Is Someone There? 10

In your dreams you have seen the Mirror-Marches, the Menagerie of Roses, the Castle of Forests, the nests of the Fingerkings... even though you may forget them when you wake. But there is a light in your eyes.

A light in the darkness

‘Yes,' says the Master quietly. 'The mirrors know your name. The serpents have your scent. The rivers of roses will not drown you. The apples of glass might lie quiet in your hands. If you burn, you burn like a candle. If you die, you die like dawn. You are very delicious.'

A zub-mariner! (Spices from voice but sounds like Fires from excitement about boats)

1 x Zubmarine, An Experienced Zailor 3

You are charting the unknown leagues beneath the zee.

Mr Chimes lopes towards you across the stone floor. 'Marvellous!' it shrills. It pumps your hand excitedly. It's like grabbing a nestful of velvet spiders. 'You'll fit right in here. Grab a seat.'

A killer of renown (Iron)

A Bringer of Death 1, 1 x Ravenglass Knife

Even in Fallen London, where bloodshed is as common as glim-fall, your name is whispered with apprehension.

Mr Chimes approaches in utter silence. It hands you a rostygold knife, hilt-first. Engraved on the blade is the word: MEET. That is all.

A font of devil's tears (Want to say Cups due to smell but could be any)

Connected: Hell 20

Did your masterwork really make a devil weep? It must be true. Mr Chimes has the tears there in a little bottle. Wait. Is it drinking them?

A chuckle in the hood

Mr Chimes drapes a companionable arm across your shoulders. It smells of dust and winter starlight. 'Devils despise that kind of humiliation,' it confides in you. 'I laughed for days. Come on upstairs.'

An Oenologonaut (Spices)

1 x Greyfields 1868 First Sporing, 1 x Greyfields 1879, 1 x Greyfields 1882, 1 x Black Wings Absinthe, 1 x Morelways 1872, 1 x Broken Giant 1844, 1 x Strangling Willow Absinthe, 1 x Fourth City Airag: Year of the Tortoise, 1 x Cellar of Wine

No-one has plumbed the secrets of the grape, the hop and the blood-apple more deeply than you. You can identify the products of vineyards that have no name in any human tongue.

Fond Sighs

Dear one,' says Mr Chimes warmly. 'Pleasure is a wilderness. We are its cartographers. Let us embark, you and I, on the catalogue of delight! Our journey begins here.'

A Liar among Liars (No idea)

1 x Appalling Secret, 1 x Uncanny Incunabula, 1 x Extraordinary Implication, 1 x Searing Enigma, 1 x Whispered Secret, 1 x Cryptic Clue

Who can ever believe your stories? Truth is mingled with falsehood like blood in milk. You are a prince of rumours. Or is it a princess? Who can ever be sure?

An impassive audience

Mr Chimes listens to your stories of star and sea and shadow. It neither nods nor shakes its head when you suggest certain relationships between the Mountain of Light and the troubling thesis of Mr Darwin. It is motionless when you venture a hypothesis as to why only six symbols of the Correspondence can be written together on one paper. When you begin to discuss a matter of wells and candles and the Third City, it raises a finger. 'This is false,' it murmurs. 'Let us ensure it remains that way,'

A Legendary Calumnist (Apples/Hearts)

Scandal 7, Persuasive 100, Watchful 100

Your barbs and insults and the twisting satires you've spawned have been the bane of the lowly and the great alike. All fear the savage edge of your tongue.

A cautious welcome

‘My dear,' Mr Chimes whispers. 'Be kind to the little ones, will you? Not all have your advantages. I admit you only on condition that you choose not to bite.'

‘I know a man.' (Probably Wines)

Connected: the Masters of the Bazaar 5

If it can be called a man. Step aside, peon. I am already welcome here.'

A hearty welcome

Come in, come in! A place by the fire is prepared for you. The table is set. The brandy rises from the cellar like the laughter of friends! Forget the petty troubles without. You have earned this night of peace.'

I will scream until your House rings with the Words of the Thunder! (Probably Wines)

Stormy-Eyed 5, having Recurring Dreams: What the Thunder Said 10

I am the storm, I am the wind, I am the rain! I demand admittance! Defy me and I will blow your House down!

The cloaked thing bows before me!

I fling gusts of squalling rain at its head! Then I race through the dusty corners and crannies of the House of Chimes with a cleansing breeze! I bid lightning spring from its spire in celebration! The Master insists I hang my oilskin on the hatstand before I drip on the carpets!

The Inescapable Arm of the Law (Spices I believe)

investigating the Rubbery Murders 12, ascending the Reliables list of Mr Pages 3, Connected: The Constables 50, Connected: The Great Game 50, Watchful 100, 1 x Antique Constable's Badge

Your eye pursueth the malfeasant as the wrathful eye of God pursued Cain across the desert. You have returned wedding rings to costermongers, cats to dowagers, and stolen hearts to sorrowful tomb-colonists.

A nervous flutter?

We are most pleased to see you here,' Mr Chimes shrills. 'You are an ingeniate of great note! But perhaps you should limit your investigations in this House, eh?'

A Blood-Cousin to Predators (Veils probably)

1 x Ancient Hunting Rifle, a Procurer of Savage Beasts 1, 1 x Fairly Tame Sorrow-Spider, 1 x Bengal Tigress, 1 x Araby Fighting-Weasel, Dangerous 100, Watchful 100, marked by the Eater-of-Chains 3.

You have brought the great beasts low and walked in the footsteps of the fierce. You have turned fang and cunning, spine and venom and brute strength, against the monsters who wield them.

A peculiar passion

Mr Chimes inclines its head to you. 'Beasts. Beasts beasts beasts! So many beasts, such little time. Perhaps you could turn your energies to the pursuit of troublesome humans, hey? Why waste your time hunting those who cannot speak? Or sing? But welcome welcome!'

#fallen london #lore

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