Hey.
Concerning the vent post-
You're the only one that knows best about your sexuality. NOT your mother. Parents often says that "they know best" (Mother Gothel hello-) but they very much, do not. Not about their children's sexuality (or lack thereof)
Being believed as an asexual can be so damn hard when you got assaulted before- I didn't experimented it thankfully, but I can definitely understand as a sex-repulsed ace-
And you know what? EVEN if the SA is the reason why you're asexual, that doesn't make you less valid. You're still ace! Screw anyone who would tell you otherwise!
You're still part of the ace community 💜
Now come on, take your garlic bread and cake, and join us to invade Denmark!
I know I could’ve just left this as a little reminder for myself but what the heck, I feel like I should thank you publicly(?) Is that weird? Idk, I’ve been on tumblr for so long, yet I still don’t know it’s etiquette
But seriously, thank you so so so much 💛
I really really appreciate it, more than I can express in words
Thank you for the kind words, garlic bread and cake
Can’t wait to invade Denmark with my fellow aces :3
8 notes
·
View notes
Hurting Is Changing
Little headcanon beforehand that doesn’t have much to do with the fic, but I love it anyway: that Wanderer has something similar to DID where he could wake up with different programming sometimes
Like, maybe he will glitch or experience a nightmare and wake up feeling different.
I think the different versions of him would be the different stages in his life; Proper Puppet (Ei’s Prototype Puppet), Clueless Puppet (Friends with Niwa/Tatarasuna), On The Brink (Friends with Sick Child), Murderer Complex (During Fatui) and Healing (Post-Story Quest)
Now onto the actual fic!
It was a fine morning in the Sanctuary of Surasthana. The birds were singing, the sun was bright, the air flowed softly… Yet something wasn't right.
Nahida found it odd that Wanderer had not yet gotten up from his ‘sleep’. He couldn't really sleep, but she said that to help him feel more human. It was more so… recharging.
He usually woke up before she went for her morning walk, something she did to talk to her people and just feel free. She loved the feeling of the ground under her feet, and the wind on her face. She loved seeing her people, and most of them felt the same. Wanderer never joined her on these walks. He didn’t like the mortal world much, even after his ‘reform’. He hated being reminded of everything in his past. Being amongst the mortals did just that.
“Wanderer?” Nahida knocked on his door.
She had refurnished the Sanctuary so that they could both have places to sleep, and even got a kitchen added for eating. Otherwise, she got her entertainment from going outside and Wanderer… well, she didn't really know what he did when she wasn't there.
She heard no response from him, but didn’t want to just barge it. Wouldn’t that be rude? But what if he was in trouble or hurt?
I could peer into his head… see if he's dreaming… She thought.
She didn’t even have a moment to think before she heard a yell from his room.
“Wanderer!” She exclaimed, barging into the room, where she saw him… crying?
He was sitting up in his bed. He looked scared- no, terrified. His eyes were wide, and his body was still. He was filled with fear.
“Wanderer? Are you okay?” She asked, stepping closer with caution.
His eyes didn’t move, but his mouth did.
She hadn’t noticed it, but he seemed to be speaking. It was just murmurs at first, but as she got closer, she could hear it more clearly, along with the fear that shook his words.
“I- I didn’t mean to- I didn’t- I'm not like that anymore- I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore-” He muttered with fear, his words coming a mile a minute.
“Oh no-” Nahida gasped, rushing over to him.
She reach for his arm but he pulled away, pressed his back against the wall and pulled his arm up to brace himself.
“D-don't-! Don't come any closer-” He shouted, “I'm a monster! I- I am a- mistake- a defect- that's all I am-”
His voice trembled.
This truly worried the Archon as she stepped back to allow him room. He had been doing so well- the traveler was helping him recover and stay on the path of good, and even brought him joy. So what happened? What had caused this?
He must’ve had a nightmare… She thought.
“-thats all I will ever be!” He said it as if he was trying to convince himself rather than tell someone else.
“Wanderer, its okay! You're okay! You're with me, Nahida, remember?” She tried to soothe him.
He seemed to calm down with the mention of her name.
“N-nahida?” He asked, his arm lowering slightly.
“Nahida…” He said again, his eyes taking in every detail of her face.
“I… I killed you too…” He whispered.
It took the Archon a moment to register what he had said.
“You… what?” She asked, taking the moment to step a bit closer.
“You- You were dead- E-everyone was dead- Traveler- all of them-” He started spiraling once more.
“I didn’t want to- I didn’t- I didn’t want to hurt anyone-” He grabbed his head, his fingers digging into his head.
“Hey! Its okay, its okay… Look at me.” Nahida said, climbing onto the bed and taking his hands to hold them.
“I am alive, Wanderer, and nothing bad has happened. I'm okay, and you’re okay…” She told him, looking into his eyes.
His breathing steadied slowly, but soon enough he was able to think clearly.
Nahida helped him out of his room, and into the kitchen area. It wasn’t used much but was good for a snack every once and a while. Like sleep, Wanderer didn’t really need to eat either, but he could anyway. This usually led him to eating whatever-whenever, since it didn’t matter to him.
As he sat at their small but comfortable table, he didn’t really do much. His breathing was shallow, but he wasn't shaking much anymore. Nahida wished that she could read his mind, but knew he would know if she tried.
“How… how did I even dream?” He asked Nahida, who was now preparing some coffee for him.
“I think… maybe it is representative of your growth from a puppet to a human!” Nahida smiled.
“You never told me that the transition would be so… painful… Then again, I suppose I deserve this…”
Nahida looked softly to the boy, who seemed to just be staring off into nothingness. His eyes looked… dead.
“You’re on a long path, Wanderer. But you’re doing wonderfully in your rehabilitation.” She said, giving him the cup of coffee.
“I'm very proud of you.” She smiled, his eyes meeting hers.
“Uh… thanks…” He said, taking the cup and looking away.
She saw his lips curl into a slight smile as he took a sip of the warm liquid.
“You’re quite welcome.”
They sat in silence for a bit till Wanderer put his cup down.
“I know its time for your morning walk. You can go, I’ll be fine.” He muttered.
“Actually, I think I wanna stay in today…” Nahida said, to which Wanderer gave her a suspicious look.
“Okay… Well I don’t really do much when you’re gone…” Wanderer said, taking another sip of his drink.
“Then we can do something together! How do you feel about puzzles?” She smiled excitedly.
Wanderer looked down at the Archon, but not in disgust or hatred… but with wonder.
“I… suppose that would be alright…” He said, standing to wash his now empty coffee cup.
“Great!” Nahida giggled, getting up to go find a puzzle.
Wanderer sighed as she did, standing over the sink. He felt… weird. Warm. But not like fire-warmth. It was different. He fixed himself, standing up straight.
As he heard her leave, his brain started to focus on… other things. Visions from his nightmare. Blood was… everywhere. The more he focused on it, the more the visions seemed to seep into reality.
“Stop it- stop thinking-” He told himself, “It's nothing… It doesn’t matter…” He muttered, running one hand through his hair.
Nahida’s smile disappeared as she turned the corner. She noticed the boys’ stance, his hands over his face… she knew that he likely wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. She hadn’t yet been seen by him, so she wanted to try her luck on reading his mind. She was curious and just wanted to help! So it was fine… right?
She decided to try her luck, reading his mind while he was distracted.
Just as she did, she heard him scoff.
“You aren’t gonna like what you hear.” He mutters, turning around.
“Ah- sorry…” She said, looking down at the puzzle box.
“Its fine… its just… for your own good.” he said, taking a seat back at the table.
“Right. Well then, lets do this puzzle! I got one of the Palace of Alcazarzaray! Built by Kaveh, an amazing architect here in Sumeru!!” She gushed, putting the puzzle on the table and sitting in her chair.
Wanderer watched as she got all of the pieces out and they started to put it all together. He actually found it… a bit calming… The images in his head started to dissipate. He felt better…
Nahida took in his non-brooding expression. She loved that she could help him, and was sure that in no time at all, they would get past the obstacles and he would be healthy and happy.
It’d be a long time till then, she was sure, but she was happy to be able to help. Maybe she could even introduce him to other people at some point, not just the Traveler…
“You’re staring…” Wanderer said, not looking up.
His voice wasn’t mean or annoyed. He was just… fine.
“Right-” She giggled, looking back down.
Wanderer didn’t know what she found funny, but just hearing her laugh… once more, his chest felt warm.
Give it love on Ao3 if you can/want!! :3
19 notes
·
View notes