the-art-of-freeing

[the-art-of-freeing]

Why I haven’t been posting recently...

It’s not that I don’t know what to write, it’s that I get caught up in my own head.  What if I pour my heart out and get no notes?  What if people don’t find my words helpful?  It can be scary sometimes to send your deepest thoughts out into the void that is the Internet and hope that a stranger or two out there likes what you have to say.

I’m going to try to be more consistent in my original writing and post without fear.  Who cares if I get no likes?  Who cares if someone out there disagrees with what I say?  My words are my words, my story is mine to tell, and my passion for writing about self positivity and female empowerment can overshadow any fear I have about rejection.

P. S. Thank you to those who follow and support me!  Any notification I get from any of you warms my heart.

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i know this is just a website and we’re all basically shouting into the void but when someone

uses my name

sends me a message

says something nice in the tags when reblogging something i made

tags me in something

includes me in a follow forever, mutual appreciation, etc

it literally makes me smile irl and makes me actually happy so i just wanna say thank you to the very sweet people all around me :)

[the-art-of-freeing]

what else do you need, really?

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Have you ever glanced in the mirror and you actually really loved how you looked? But then sometimes you end up staring at yourself just a little longer to make sure you really do look “good”, making sure your hair is in place or seeing if you need to put on more lipstick, and then you lose the feeling of really loving how you look that you just had moments ago because you stared for just a little too long and began analyzing all of your “flaws”. | Do you think that most people see us as how we saw ourselves when we first glanced at ourselves in the mirror, the person we saw in the mirror before we stared for too long and started searching for our “flaws”? | I think so. Because most people don’t spend time searching for “flaws” when they look at someone. | So why do we do that when we look at ourselves?

Samantha Camargo

[the-art-of-freeing]

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Sexist Microaggressions That Can Happen In A Relationship

[the-art-of-freeing]

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On Not Wearing a Bra at Work

Recently, I started a new job and within a week of being there I found myself in a discussion with several other female co-workers about how much we hate bras.  (It amazes me how sisterhood among women never needs to be created, only discovered.)  I shared with them that I stopped wearing a bra about a year ago and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  Not only are bras incredibly uncomfortable and expensive but they serve no purpose other than to confine women’s bodies.  They told me they would love to stop wearing them altogether but they didn’t think it was professional in a work environment.

It amazes me how sisterhood among women never needs to be created, only discovered.

I challenged them - and I’m challenging you - to reconsider what we deem “professional.”  I believe this opinion on equating no bra at work to a lack of professionalism derives from the oversexualization of breasts.  If a woman were to not wear a bra at work and her nipples were to be seen through her shirt or her breasts to look different than usual, it may be “distracting” for her co-workers.  And by co-workers, I mean men.  There is nothing inherently sexual about breasts, or not wearing a bra, yet women are sexualized and objectified constantly.  I want to create a work environment where women feel they can wear whatever makes them feel comfortable and capable.  And I will continue to go braless, at work and otherwise.  If my nipples are so distracting to my male co-workers that they can’t do their job, that’s their issue.  I deserve a promotion over them anyway.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

It’s okay to question your sexualitt but it’s not okay to lie about what bisexuality is. Plenty of bisexual people are non-binary themselves. Bisexuality has never excluded non-binary people. Saying it does is ahistorical and biphobic

Hi! I’m sorry if I offended you or hurt your feelings but I did say that how I feel about bisexuality is only what I believe. I know people have differing opinions on what the term truly means and I was only expressing my own opinion. If your definition of bisexual includes non-binary people, then that’s awesome! I love all people, from straight to pansexual and everything in between! Have a great day ❤️❤️

[the-art-of-freeing]

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Let’s Play with Our Clits

Hi everyone!  Jumping right in here, let’s talk about touching ourselves!  More specifically, female masturbation.  

Before I talk about my love of masturbation, let’s talk about the basics.  You probably know that the vast majority of men masturbate and the majority of women do, too.  When I was in middle and high school, though, my female friends and I didn’t discuss masturbation.  Our guy friends joked about it and it was accepted as a normal part of being a guy but it wasn’t ever talked about among my female friends.  

I grew up, went to college, and made more liberal friends, and became more liberal and open towards sex and sexuality myself (yay for that!).  However, the response I often got from these new girl friends when asked about masturbation: “Eh, I tried it once.  Nothing happened.”  Or, “It felt good but I never had an orgasm.”  So tell me, is this the experience you’ve had with your friends?  I encouraged them to keep trying and to be super patient with themselves - the female orgasm is beautiful and magical and takes serious work to get there (I’ve been known to take a solid 45 minutes to an hour to finish).

The female orgasm is beautiful and magical and takes serious work to get there.

Personally, I’ve been experimenting with touching myself since I was 12, but didn’t have an orgasm until I was 19 (!) and I lost my virginity to a man when I was 17 (clearly I wasn’t having sex with the right people).  Nowadays my partner and I incorporate masturbation into our sex lives, whether it’s sexting and touching ourselves while we’re apart or watching porn together.  I also masturbate on my own a few times a week.  If you’ve never masturbated before, never been able to orgasm, or just haven’t masturbated in awhile and are looking to get back into it, here are my best tips:

The most important thing is to be patient with yourself.  Give yourself plenty of time.  Don’t start touching yourself if you have to be somewhere in an hour or if you’re somewhere people could interrupt you.

Create an environment that makes you feel sexy.  Personally, just laying in bed naked can get me going.  For others, it may be drawing a bubble bath or wearing some sexy lingerie.  Whatever it is, make yourself feel sexy and relaxed.

Use props, whether this is porn (female friendly, please!), a sexy erotic novel, or sexting someone who turns you on.  If this is your first time, I’d recommend just sticking to your fingers but if you’re more experienced or already have a vibrator, feel free to add it in the mix.

Like any female who’s ever received good oral, you know it starts long before the other person actually licks your clit. 

Don’t head straight for the clit.  Like any female who’s ever received good oral, you know it starts long before the other person actually licks your clit.  Start by playing with your nipples, your stomach, gently scratch and caress your thighs.  Build up that warm feeling between your legs before actually reaching between your legs.

Experiment with rhythm, pressure, and speed.  Once you reach your precious clit, try starting slow and getting faster.  I love only using one finger and going back and forth across my clit - others love a circular motion, some love one finger on the clit and one or two inside.  Try anything and everything.

Finally, don’t focus solely on an orgasm.  It’s not all about the big O, it’s about learning what your body likes and doesn’t like and what you respond to best.  Not only will this help you communicate with your next sex partner but it will help you the next time you masturbate.  Yes, the female orgasm is amazing but not getting there doesn’t mean it was time wasted.

Good luck tonight sexy ladies!  Let me know how it goes - I’d LOVE to hear from you!

Xoxo, Bea

[the-art-of-freeing]

Questioning My Sexuality

Today, I was asked to write down whatever identities I thought described me best.  And I found myself to be very uncomfortable with the whole activity, but especially when it came to defining my sexuality.  I have no one word to describe my sexuality but here’s what I do know:

I am both sexually attracted to men and want to have romantic relationships with them

I’m currently in a serious relationship with a man

I’m sexually attracted to women

I have never had more than a sexual relationship with a woman but I would be open to something serious

I do not identify as bisexual because I believe this label excludes those that are gender non-binary

I am potentially pansexual but don’t feel comfortable identifying myself as that without having experienced it for myself

Sexuality is such a tough thing to nail down and I’m still trying to figure myself out.  It’s okay to be an adult and not to know exactly how you identify.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to accurately identify my sexuality.  I am so lucky to have a partner who I can talk to about my feelings and who lets me explore my sexuality (I’ll talk more about this in a later post!).  I encourage you all to have open conversations with a trusted friend (or me!) about your sexuality if you are questioning how you identify.  However you choose to express yourself, your feelings are valid and your sexual expression is beautiful.

Xoxo,

Bea

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Stories have been historically told through men. Support women’s words. Read books written by women.

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So I lost my temper with all of the “books you must read before you die” “books to read to be considered well-read” lists that were like, at least 75% male, and made a different list. Obviously it’s skewed by what I’m familiar with, but I’ve tried to get it to be a broad range. Give it a go!

[the-art-of-freeing]

your community is who you are, you are your community. surround yourself with people who see your strength and encourage you to do better every day.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

On Not Wearing a Bra at Work

Recently, I started a new job and within a week of being there I found myself in a discussion with several other female co-workers about how much we hate bras.  (It amazes me how sisterhood among women never needs to be created, only discovered.)  I shared with them that I stopped wearing a bra about a year ago and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  Not only are bras incredibly uncomfortable and expensive but they serve no purpose other than to confine women’s bodies.  They told me they would love to stop wearing them altogether but they didn’t think it was professional in a work environment.

It amazes me how sisterhood among women never needs to be created, only discovered.

I challenged them - and I’m challenging you - to reconsider what we deem “professional.”  I believe this opinion on equating no bra at work to a lack of professionalism derives from the oversexualization of breasts.  If a woman were to not wear a bra at work and her nipples were to be seen through her shirt or her breasts to look different than usual, it may be “distracting” for her co-workers.  And by co-workers, I mean men.  There is nothing inherently sexual about breasts, or not wearing a bra, yet women are sexualized and objectified constantly.  I want to create a work environment where women feel they can wear whatever makes them feel comfortable and capable.  And I will continue to go braless, at work and otherwise.  If my nipples are so distracting to my male co-workers that they can’t do their job, that’s their issue.  I deserve a promotion over them anyway.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

This is your daily reminder to masturbate, please.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, “You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man.” We teach girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Recently got this comment on my post about not shaving. I’m not including their username because I don’t want to spread hate and be petty but I do want to point out that in what they thought was an argument against me actually proved my point. Equating body hair with personal hygiene is a perfect example of how women are made to feel gross for not shaving. Hygiene has nothing to do with body hair - I shower daily, wear deodorant (aluminum free, of course) and brush my teeth twice a day. And my choice not to remove my body hair doesn’t make me unclean. Just because someone isn’t literally holding a gun to my head and telling me to shave doesn’t mean the pressure and societal expectation isn’t there.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

On Not Shaving

Can we talk about how sexist and pedophilic it is that the patriarchal society we live in has made hairless women the norm?  As if we’re all naturally built like 5 year olds, bald from the eyebrows down.  Women are made to feel like their completely natural and normal body hair is gross and something to be ashamed of, and I strive to change that.

In my past relationship, I felt pressured to shave every time before seeing him.  I ended up getting Brazilian waxes once a month because I couldn’t stand razor burn on my bikini line.  Looking back on it now, I can’t believe I would pay $50 (per month!) to be spread eagle on a table while hot wax was laid and viciously ripped off some of my most sensitive skin.  I specifically remember one time we had gone two weeks without seeing each other because I was out of town, and I hadn’t shaved my legs at all during that time.  I sent him a picture of the long, dark (and totally normal!) hair on my legs and he told me it was “nasty” and that I needed to “take care of that.”  And I know women experience this every day, whether from their partners or society in general.  The message that body hair needs to be “taken care of” is constantly pounded into us.

After I dumped my stupid ex, I started shaving less and less.  Last winter I made the conscious decision to stop shaving/waxing completely.  And this past April I went to the beach with my current partner and showed off my unshaved armpits in a bathing suit for the first time.  It was scary at first - I thought everyone was staring at me and judging me.  But after a day or two I got used to it and grew to love the feeling.  I feel more like a woman than I ever have before.  My beautiful boyfriend supports my decision and loves that I don’t remove my hair.  He’d never been with a woman who wasn’t constantly shaving but he now prefers my natural look.  

These days, I rock some seriously hairy armpits, leg hair so long I can feel the breeze blow through it, and a full 70s-style bush.  And you know what?  I feel free.

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[the-art-of-freeing]

Reminder: femininity and delicacy do NOT equal weakness. You can wear pink lace and makeup every day and it does not mean you aren’t to be taken seriously. You are a strong feminist no matter what you wear.

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source: @baby-vintage