#anxiété

[sqirrellygurl]

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

[fretbored34]

*hisses internally*

[ky-landfill]

[loubella77]

Behind the scenes pic of me in my true form …

[luvchristxx]

These are helping me rn so hopefully it can help others too <3

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

“So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 11:10

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

💗

[depressedvibe]

I'm fucking scared of losing myself.

[c-0-yote-teeth]

I'm being eaten alive by millions of ants.

CREDIT TO ARLOROMANTIC ON TWITTER!!

[cigsonvinyl]

If the only reason why im still here is because people in my life need me why do I feel so lonely all the damn time

[lafemani]

[teamedstud]

26.08.2023

J-20

Switched to energy drinks, coffee is not working anymore. This is bad..

[lerefugedeluza]

Je ne sais pas si je suis la seule, mais régulièrement, je me retrouve à me demander ce que je vais bien pouvoir faire de ma vie. J’ai beaucoup de passions, mais aucune ne me semble vraiment viable, alors je vivote entre différents boulots alimentaires qui ne me plaisent pas vraiment. J’essaie de faire mes petits trucs dans mon coin, de vivre mes passions à fond, de me donner corps et âme dans mes projets. Et puis j’angoisse : et si ça ne marche pas ? Est-ce que je vais devoir me satisfaire de petits jobs toute ma vie ? Et j’angoisse encore davantage : et si ça fonctionne ? Si mes projets décollent ? Qu’est-ce que je vais faire ? À quoi cet inconnu dans lequel je vais me retrouver projetée va ressembler ? Parfois, réussir à réaliser mes rêves m’effraie encore plus que de me dire que je vais rester coincée dans cet état toute ma vie. Je sais que j’angoisse trop, que je suis trop jeune pour m’inquiéter à ce point et pour remettre en question toute ma vie chaque fois que j'ai un moment pour réfléchir. Pourtant, je ne peux pas m’empêcher de penser, toute la journée et toutes les nuits, à me stresser pour des choses qui n’existent que dans ma tête. Cette vidéo c’est un mélange de la vie que je mène et des pensées que j’ai en ce moment. J'espère que vous vous reconnaitrez dans mes mots et mes images et que vous vous sentirez moins seuls. Merci à ceux qui la regarderont et qui la partageront ♡

[mayonezli]

[fretbored34]

Mine cost me my sanity 🤪

[depressedvibe]

I'm annoyingly restless but also exhausted.

I cannot stand up but I cannot sleep either

[starchilddante]

Does anyone else just totally cringe at how much they laugh when they're nervous or is it just me?