theinfinitelibrarysystem

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

the way some people explain being a trans man as "used to be a girl but isn't anymore" doesn't fit me. i've never been a girl, i have always been a boy. the first time i remember thinking about my gender was when i was 6, i stared in the mirror and thought "i'm a boy inside, but a girl outside, so maybe i'm half of both?" and proceeded to try not to think about it forever until i was 12 and finally began conciously figuring it out. my body was never "a girls body" because i am not a girl, i am a boy, so this is a boys body. it's mine, i'm a boy in a boy's body. i was born with a body with characteristics that don't fit what's typical of my gender, and when i started puberty most of the changes weren't what people expect of a boy, but that doesn't mean those features and changes are gendered. i started testosterone to be more comfortable in my body, and i will get top surgery to feel more comfortable in my body, but that is not me transitioning into my gender, because i'm already a man.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

if ur a trans man you have to live. i will resurrect you.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

okay so what if i headcanoned tsuyu asui as a trans man so what. he uses he/they/it btw

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

no i actually don't want to do exposure and response prevention therapy that sounds fucking awful. "triggering you and making you feel disressed until you're desensitised to it but hey it's good for you it's the only way" no fucking thanks. i'll do Response Prevention on my own. get an intrusive thought and resist acting on the compulsion that might make me feel better in the moment but makes my ocd worse, without purposefully triggering myself or having someone trigger me. because fuck that. that's like purposefully walking on hot coals. yeah you might get tough feet, but what else?

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

Gender isn't binary.

yes, most people in the queer tumblr community know this, but i don't think you know it enough. there are no "binary" trans people, because there is no binary genders. i am a trans man, and i am not the opposite of a woman. there is no opposite of a man. man and woman are not ends of a spectrum, they're not part of the same spectrum, there is not spectrum because gender is ENTIRELY UNIQUE TO EACH PERSON!!! gender is a part of identity and everyones identity is different. you don't judge people on a scale from micheal jackson to the rock, so why are you judging on a scale from whatever a woman is to whatever a man is? these words only mean something if they mean something to you. man means something to me, i'm a man, but i'm not the same as any other man regardless of that label, my gender doesn't feel the same as theirs, theirs doesn't feel the same as anyone elses.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

need everyone to fucking die

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

6 months and i'm free to be a person

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

"all of these women made men uncomfortable" and the first picture being JAMES BARRY???

i cant fucking take it anymore. making it look like a "gotcha" moment is terrible.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

I am annoyed by the "forcefem is revolutionary" shit. It's just so narrow-minded and kind of dumb.

It's just.. a kink. (That's fine, btw. We support being freaky around here.)

It's not a competition, why are you acting like your kink is morally superior to what is essentially a different flavor of the same kink (forcemasc)?

Femininity generally speaking, isn't always revolutionary or freeing for every person ever.

The general belief that femininity = revolutionary is so perplexing to me.

Cisnormative forced femininity is a real thing that actually happens to real people and causes real actual trauma, please talk to a transmasc person, or an intersex person who was CAFAB or otherwise medically abused to be more "physically feminine", you cannot in good faith say forced femininity doesn’t exist and doesn't harm people.

What IS revolutionary is the act of generally rejecting/subverting the expectations placed on you by cisnormative society. It seems like people who belive this stuff just... don't understand that not everyone has masculinity imposed on them as a default. Cis women being feminine is.. not queer or revolutionary.

Being feminine for me is revolutionary because I have had masculinity imposed on me. But being feminine is not revolutionary for people who... already had it forced on them. In the case of those imposed female, it is actually embracing masculinity that is queer and revolutionary.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

T/R/Fs love to perpetuate the myth that Marsha P. Johnson threw the first brick at stonewall (debunked by Marsha herself) and act like trans women were the only ones doing anything at stonewall while conviently forgetting it was a transmasc person at the center of the inciting incident.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

i was researching NCAH (which i think i might have) and one of the "symptoms" listed was gender identity disorder (what even is that) also throughout NCAH was called a "DSD" when i specifically searched NCAH intersex. i clicked on the source to figure out what the fuck it was about, and it was a "case study" on a trans intersex man they misgendered throughout and described as disordered, they attributed his gender to his intersexness and included pictures of him naked and his genitals. the experience they described him as having had similarities to my own and it was and is so upsetting to hear people who are supposed to help you talk about someone like that. to misgender someone who described himself as "Mr". to pathologise his identity as a disorder. will they do that to me if i ask for confirmation on my NCAH? i don't want to find out. is there such a thing as second-hand dysphoria? because the way they described him was so horrible. and also objectifying.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

honestly ive just started blocking anyone who conflates womanhood with pregnancy. women dont have a monopoly on pregnancy because plenty of people who are not women have uteruses and plenty of people who are women do not have uteruses. idc if youre lazy and think generalising is easy or if youre a bigot who thinks pericis women are the only population worth talking about when it comes to pregnancy. trans men/mascs and nonbinary people have to deal with the looming threat of forced impregnation just like pericis women do. Also dont fucking call us "afabs", we are not walking talking vaginas. The phrase doesnt even make grammatical sense (women and assigned female at births is what youre saying when you do this shit. literally all afab means is a doctor diagnosed you as having a vagina at birth. thats literally all it means). Just use gender neutral terms when referring to pregnancy it is not fucking difficult i.e. "pregnant people" and "people who can get pregnant".

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

how many less cold cases would there be if the people hurt where in the 1%?

Thinking about how when the Oceangate sub imploded, the coastguard picked it up on their radar and knew from the moment it happened that everyone on board was already gone, and yet there was still a five day manhunt.

And how like a week before that, a refugee ship sank off the coast of Greece, whose officials knew this was happening and had ships within reach, but intentionally did nothing.

And how there was like the most expansive manhunt in recent history to find a suspect in the UHC shooting. In a city known for its unsolved crimes. How Briana Boston was arrested for a vaguely perceived threat to a CEO she wasn't even speaking to nor mentioned, while internet stalkers are never addressed unless they hurt someone, and then it's a maybe

And just how there is always money to perform for the rich, even when they can't actually be helped. And there is never money to help the poor, no matter how easy they would be to save.

And for some reason it's considered "dangerous and extreme" to want a world where our lives aren't just fodder at the whims of the rich.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

we're very scared of cars. claustrrophobic, dissociate, muscle spasms, motor issues. they also bad for environment!! we lucky city we live has good public transport and we can walk to it. cant do car, scared. used have panic attack when go out with family in car have to do less classes or burn out, never had job, spend time not school rest in room. learn tie shoes when 9, still hard. do slowly. when i say can't i mean can't, not i would prefer not to (start age regress as type post sorry for grammar)

thinking about the time i said to a couple people that i can't drive due to my autism, and one of them said something like "i don't have a choice bc my parents made me drive". that bothered me for a while, and continues to bother me. i don't have a choice either. if my life depended on me driving, i would die.

it feels to me like whenever i say "i can't do this because of my autism", allistics (or often times lower support needs autistics) assume that i have actually just decided not to do something, instead of understanding that i am physically incapable of doing it, even if my life depended on it, even if i desperately wanted to.

i wish allistics understood that an autistic person's limitations cannot be changed with motivation or different choices. sometimes it feels like other people have a harder time accepting my needs and limits. than i do myself.

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

"fragment" "fully formed alter" secret 3rd thing

ok so how heatmates form for us is. wait i should explain the soup first here is an illistration of our inner world [front screen] [fronters] [co-concious] [watchers] [mindscapes/dreamspaces] [the void with some mindscapes] [the endless void where we toss people we don't like] [abyss that looks back] [the primordial soup] people form from the primordial soup and find their way to the frontroom, some have a easier time and come quicker, some take longer. those that come sooner tend to have stronger presenses, this is to say other people can tell if they're there, sometimes even all the way in the sparse void! sometimes they get lost. idk how many have gotten lost. that's also where dormant heatmates go. sometimes they go in the soup and that's death. we have this joke insys when something or someone annoys us (usually someone in our system) we say "alright soup time" or something along those lines. stages of headmates/alters development: 0- just seperates from the soup. a bunch of personality traits waiting to latch onto an identity 1- either the brain recognises a character that fits some/all of their traits and they gain more refined personality and idenitty or they become a brain-made alter 2- the journey. if others can sense them, we may pull them forward or shove them back

3- one of us one of us one of us

4- dormant or soup. not all headmates leave

[theinfinitelibrarysystem]

i'm 17 and when i was younger and still now, when i asked to be treated with respect/like a person, i was instead given responsibilities and spoken to harshly like an adult. when i asked that adults not make fun of me and tease me, i was given the silent treatment. when i had a voice that disagreed, they'd rather i be seen, not heard. adults hate us when we remind them we are people with thoughts and opinions and things we enjoy and don't enjoy instead of empty vessels for their ideas of ignorance innocence and attractiveness youth

“You’re 13, you should be worrying about [insert topic that isn’t ‘mature’]” I spy with my little eye, AGEISIM!!

I cannot stress enough that kids can have opinions and if the opinion is wrong/not in goodfaith you can talk to us like people and explain why thats bad.

Saying “shut up you’re twelve” doesn’t help. You’re just enforcing the idea that kids don’t deserve to learn things about their world.