thoughtsandstuffblog-blog

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“as long as we are under the same sky,...”

hello and good evening pep´s I´m still on vacation and so my boyfriend is, he wil come back after I am home again and so my diary goes on! :) (for understanding the diary thing: read my lastb post) - TODAY, it´s gonna be about my room and a wall in it. Sounds boring, and to paint it white was, too. But just to tell you: I love calligraphy, and so I painted a sentence on it. "as long as we are under the same sky" but what does that mean... As long as you and someone else are under the same sky, you both aren´t really apart, and there´s a possibillity to meet again and to be physically together again. As long as you both are under the same sky, your souls are together and bound. You´re not completely alone. As long as you are under the same sky, you can´t really be elft by each other. and yes, sure you may feel alone, and think that the other one is gone, but remember that nothing is forever, and that´s why you both won´t be apart forever. That´s a fact, you´re able to be together again. - And I don´t knw why I´m telling this.. have a nice day :)

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best friends.

helloo again. Yes I´m really active atm, I´m still on holiday and got much time. I hope youre doing good :) - I´ve looked through my blog a little and found an older post about my ex-Best-oyfriend. We have been in the same class until the begin of the holidays (about threee weeks ago) and that´s when we´ve last seen each other. What I forgot to tell: Well, after our fights, we had about three weks of space, and then we started talking again. I mean, like friends do, in a normal way. First, I wasn´t sure if he was just using me because sometimes he stopped answering me, but then we started texting again. I don´t know how it happened, but I think we became close friends again, we talk about problems (mostly his because Im still too scared that he´s talking behind my back) and laugh about jokes. We sat next to each other in the bus to a trip with the class and talked, and we had really much fun. It feels so good that we´re friends again, because I noticed that I really need him. We shouldn´t come to close, I think that´s why we argued that much before we "broke up" and it´s just good the way it is. But I´m afraid to get hurt again... but maybe a lil distance is good. - Good night Peeps :)) XOXO

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Well, what would be a good title for this...

Hello Peep´s, tbh, I don´t have a nam for this post, and usually, I alays find one. But toda, Idk how to put everything I want to wite in one title. This text is like a real personal one, and I don´t even know if I´´m able to find the right words because my mind is a mess I can´t tidy up. - Have you ever had a situation when you wanted to talk to someone and really feel the need to, not because there´s something important to tell, just because yu´d like to talk about anything WITH THIS PERSON Normally, it´s okay for me to wait for a person, but when I get a quick text like "half an hour, then we can talk" after hours of waiting for an answer, I start to feel replaced by whatever. LIke "wow, thank you for taking time, no need to hurry mate, I haven´t been waiting like...uhm...THE WHOLE DAY" I know that it´s acc not the person´s fault, but sometimes I start to wonder about those situations. I mean, a text like "sorry, can we talk later" during the waiting time would be perfect, but normally, there comes NOTHING. And yeahh I know, I also put my phone away and leave for a couple hours, but I´m telling that I´ll be busy. ANd yes sure, it´s okay to not have time. I hope someone understands my problem. The thing is that I first yell at the person why I´m not worth a short message, but then I apologize and say that it was stupid to be mad about real normal thing. But at the same time, I still feel a lil mad bcs I still feel replaced even though I know I´m not. That´s the struggle of my life, end of story. - And here´s a quick funfact: I wastexting my boyfriend and he wasn´t replying, and when he did, exactly what I wrote happened. I decided to text back "Ok" and leave my phone in my room and go write a blog entry because this gives me chills. So basically, He might´ve already texted me back and I´m doing exactly the same wahat I´m so mad about. Yep, I need to chill because I miss him and want to text him all the time but we both have things to do. So that´s why I´ve written this stupid text. - I´m sorry that anyone has read this stupid teenie struggles shit, I might have stolen You a lot of time, soryyy :( Anyway, Have a good night people!

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a holiday diary

hello people, I haven´t written for some time again, even though I wanted to tell you abot a thing I am doing while my boyfriend´s on vacation. - When I was still in my hometown, I decided to write a diary of the days we won´t see each other while he´s camping and I´´m.. yeah, in different places. I took his notebooks (he showed me the only note in this book, so it´s not private for me) and I started to write an entry on every day. Normaly I´m bad at diaries, but this time it´s different. I feel the need to write those enties, because I think it could be interesting for him to see what´s going on in my head. I´m a normal human and that´s why I don´t always tell everything from my mind. Maybe he´ll like to read that, and maybe he will know me better after. But sure it could also go completely wrong, he could be very bored of it or just not intersted in my mind. I don´t know, but for me, it turned out as a nice method to clear up my mind and feel better. And that´s why I think he might read the whole 23 pages for every day he´s gone. I´m pretty excited about his reaction, tbh. - Hope you´re doing great, good night people :))

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Back to the blog

hello y´all it´s been a while, but now I´ve got very much time to write some stuff. My boyfriend is on a camping trip with his family, his best girlfriend and her family, for a few weeks, and tbh I´ve got nothing to do in the evenings, I´ve never watched so much Netflix, now you got random knowledge about my holidays so far. I spend much time at the barn and try not to think about him too much as long as I´m still in my hometown without him. (I know, it´s not realy working tbh) I feel like I´ve looked through the whole sinstagram platform, and Snapchat is boring as long as no one sends you snaps. Fact: social media makes no ones life a better one, exept Tumblr. Writing is exactly what´s good for my mind in a situation like this, where I´m sitting in my dark room with my phone, fluffx socks, my notebook, music or Netflix and his sweater on. Idk if this is a good idea. I´ve got a method to distract myself, and I noticed that it´s not really distracting me, it actually helps me to realize how I feel. I´ll write about this "method" in a few days, it´s a bit too much to explain it all today. - Let´s stop to talk only about me, I should stop telling shit no one wants to know, I´m sorry, I´m complicated and talking too much. XOXO

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M E M O R I E S

It's time to change things! I used to have a wall full of pictures, the oldest ones were from 2015, four years ago. Two weeks ago I decided to take the pictures off, now theres only a wall with some lights. I threw most photos away, but I wrote something on the back of the ones I kept. While I wrote, I flew back into those times long ago. I felt all those moments again, what a feeling. I was in tears when I finished, but it was worth it. It's the same when I hear old music I listened to about three years ago. I love to memorize beautiful things. How about you?

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🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I think I take writing too seriously sometimes.

There’s these concerns about storytelling, what’s good and bad, rules, writing well…

I think there’s some wisdom in just chucking that all in the garbage and going all out on some terrible-but-enjoyable writing and characters sometimes. Just like I did when I was a kid and had no idea about any of those things.

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"You won't bring me down and I'll get over you"

- Tears

Well, it's been a week or more without my best friend and I gotta say: I was right.

He was always taking rude about me behind my back, and that's what I thought he had done. But guess what, he did never care about me. Hello reality, you've punched me in the face.

I ran after him so often, now I got the explanation why he never did the same for me.

Tbh, it feels much easier without him and the arguments, but I know that I muss him. I never wanted to give up on him, but I couldn't do anything else, the pain was too much and I cried a lot because of him. I don't know if he misses me, but sometimes I feel like he does. He searches for me in the yard sometimes and de had a short conversation for a few times. We were making jokes and it was just like the beginning of our friendship a year ago.

When did we go too far?

I want him to apologize.

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My best boyfriend and I are not friends anymore, and I never wanna be his friend again.

I guess it all wasn't meant to work out that way, we had lots of arguments in the past months and I noticed that we only smaltalked and had no deeper conversations. The only time I showed him what's happening inside of me was when we argued.

But what makes me really angry is that he still can't see his faults. He sais, everything I told him he did to hurt me, was exactly what I did, and he did nothing wrong.

Just tell me why he's like that.

He talks rude about me, idk what to do tbh.

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This is my book where I write my shit. It's actually the most secret thing I own, I've barely shown things to someone.

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"Werd' ein Teil der Reise oder lass es bleiben, doch lass' es für immer sein, wie immer du entscheidest"

- Shirin David (Fliegst du mit)

"Be a part of the journey or don't, but let it be forever, however you decide"

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Do you know this, when your parents forbid you something and the conversation is like this: "Can I do that?" "No" "Why?" "No"

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but this is exactly how my dad reacts when I ask him if I could sleep at my boyfriends house.

I mean, he knows my boyfriend nearly as long as I do, and he didn't let me. But he allowed me to take part in an exchange with a boyschool and I slept at a strangers house in another country. For a week!

He didn't know my exchangepartner and let me stay there for a week, but at my boyfriend's, who is actually the better person, isn't a place to stay even a single night.

Well, evtl. I already slept there and I simply told him I was somewhere else, but I just don't see the sense or logic behind his excuse called "No, I don't want you to"

I mean wtf?

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I'm proud to be a part of this society, because I can see so many great women that are independent, powerful and beautiful human beings. They've got my whole respect, everyone that lives a life in a body that makes him happy has got my respect. The process of accepting who you are is a long way, so I do really look up to those women.

Especially to one, which was a member of GNTM, she is a huge idol for me and simply a woman with a message!

Her profile on Instagram is linked :)

Who's your Idol?

Good night ^^

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(This is a sunset)

Parents.

Yeah I know we all need them at least once in a life, and I'm lucky 'cause we have a good relation and they give me a lot of space.

This weekend is pretty full because I'm invited to a birthday and a party, usually that's not a problem but dad thinks I go to too many parties atm. I actually don't, the last one was in march or sth like that. Idk what he wants, I won't get too drunk and I said he could pick me up after the party if he wants to, I could also sleep somewhere so that they don't have to care. Seems to be no option, but Idk yet he'll tell me in a few minutes .

The thing is that My mom's totally okay with both events. She'd allow me to go, but most times my dad doesn't give his "okay" and I gotta stay home. It's always him, and I'm so fucked up because you can't talk to him when he's like that. When he's in a bad mood, and I want to do something and ask for that, he always lets his mood control him and he gets angry.

I absolutely hate this. Why can't I just be 18?

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you cant bring me down

Idk why I feel the need to post this but I think I need to remind myself of it.

I'm strong and independent and stronger without some persons.

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It's been quiet here for some time

I was on a holidaytrip last week and at the place was no phone signal, so I had a really relaxed week without any social media. And I loved it, just to be honest. I haven't even felt the need to check anything, it was simply an amazing time with some really lovely people.

I still have a few days of my holidays, hbu? :)

Love <3

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"I want a wife that is proud of who and what she is."

-My boyfriend