tommyexplores

[tommyexplores]

Basic necessities

I boast about being strong and independent; there’s nothing I need done that I couldn’t do myself. Until there’s a sharp pain in my lower backside. Lying in a hospital bed, for a kidney stone of all things, has made me realize that what I should be looking for in my future is to not live alone. I currently still live with my parents and my mother’s experience as a nurse has been a blessing at…

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Lush - Gallery

Taken by me

[tommyexplores]

Are we peer-pressured into not changing?

Whenever I’m engaging in a conversation, an argument, a friendly banter or even a business chat, I’m always expected to be right where I first met whoever I’m speaking to. It doesn’t matter how much I advance or learn, others will always demand that I stay the same. Even when I was quitting the Organization, I was told “But you said…” – a sentence, which seemed to bring my hard work to no…

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10 questions to ask myself before I reach 30

For the first time in my life I feel my age: I’m not ahead, nor behind. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be for my mid-twenties; I don’t mind growing up, nor do I mind getting older. But there’s this persistent disappointment that haunts every age I reach. For every achievement I get, I criticize myself for lacking something else. I’m 25 this year, and while I’ve never been older, I’ve never…

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Living life poetically

I don’t know how much more pathetic I can get. I’ve always romanticized my life and treated it like a film. In that sense, every activity I’ve ever done has felt performative. But after recently letting go of this pretence, I’ve become uninterested in my own being. All of my achievements have been made out of pure superficiality in my will to build an interesting fictional character, rather than…

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My love is past due

Once in a while I have this dream where I wake up right when it starts feeling nice. When I open my eyes, I feel disappointed by myself, my life and my circumstances. How can I achieve anything but fall in love? I’d never hate sexuality, but I despise the world I’m forced to live in, where I can express myself as much as I want to, but never be anything beyond an entertainer. I have to face the…

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I admittingly do this for myself

As I was rotting in bed watching House M.D., I realized it had been over three months since I was last active in my blog. I don’t mean to get passive aggressive, but I’ve been feeling very unmotivated since I stumbled upon a blog with just under 10 posts, published months apart and with questionable content quality, with maybe hundreds of times my visitors and likes. It’s impossible not to…

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Why I started blogging

Very excited that I was invited to publish my blog's story on April Pad's website!

This is a great opportunity for my blog to start growing and generate a steady traffic of visitors.

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Am I running out of luck?

Several months have passed since I last controlled everything in my life. It only seems right to let myself become inert and let luck run the business for a while. I feel like panicking: the structure of my achievements is crumbling and is about to collapse. I know letting go is for the best and in the end I’m going to turn this all out in my favour. Because that’s what I always do,…

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How to destroy your attraction to straight guy

I confessed my attraction to my straight friend, although I knew he’d never feel the same way and it would completely destroy our friendship. Frankly, the excitement of it had long wore off and I was feeling emotionally exhausted. I knew a confession like this would only push him away, but I had to move on. We had met just over a year ago. I saw an opportunity in him to finally make friends with…

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Fear factor

Depression seems like an addiction. I don’t even think if an event would affect me. The moment it happens, my stability breaks and I allow myself to get sad over it. “It’s healthy to feel this way every now and then” I tell myself, hoping to focus on something else by the end of the week. But time passes, I spiral downwards and as I come to my senses, it’s been months since I last went out of the…

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The Atchison Weekly Globe, Kansas, April 18, 1912

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Rejection v. Betrayal

Let me try something new, instead of analysis: I try to treat my issues as court cases. This is a new type of analysis I'm exploring on my blog, so I hope to get better at it. Also I'm doing better at posting regularly...

This post was part of a failed series I wanted to do where I analysed emotions and situations in a courtroom. I decided not to continue with it, since I literally have no idea what goes on behind the doors of a courtroom. Still, I‘m leaving this post public, since it’s good content. It wasn’t too long ago that I experimented going back to the dating scene. Living in the twenty-first century of…

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Daily #23

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Daily #22

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Daily #21

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Daily #20