unicosaurous-blog - Tumblr blog

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Butt holes in hong kong

The butt hole should be something you can take off, before you bathe. Like a robe. Just take it off, stick it to the wall, stick both your hands inside of it, spread it open, stretch far and wide, keep stretching, look and walk through into Hong Kong, without taking a bath, in the nude.

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TBE

I’M THE GREATEST WRITER OF ALL TIME

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Girls are abusive too (good read)

Girls are abusive, too. (I'd argue this to be a good read)

They are. They're abusive with sex. If fighting is a man's power, than sex is certainly a woman's. This of course, is no such ploy to discredit a woman's disposition in an incredibly sexist world; I've always been a huge advocate for women's rights, and have openly stated girls should get laid more, yet, with the understanding that "free love" isn't free for them, considering they're the ones who get pregnant, and rarely have orgasms. (so true) The term "free love" is a term coined by the male population who seeks sex without sacrifice, as yes, free it was for them, when they get the girl pregnant, leave, and continue on as horrible people.

That doesn't mean girls are somehow incapable of being awful people, to men. The dichotomy of abuse is as mentioned, present when you evaluate the power women have sexually. One of the reasons I'll never "scene date" is because I watched the abuses perpetuated by both, women and men - men with their selfish and adamant pursuit and/or under certain circumstances, borderline demands for sex (unacceptable) - and women, who find nice guys, tell them they love them, fuck them, then go fuck all their friends.

I'm sorry, but if thats what you do as a woman? You're BEING abusive (and I won't date you). You may think my suggesting of this is sexist, but it isn't. When you're with a nice guy, tell him you love him, fuck him, then break up with him because you got bored, and go fuck his friends? The damage you've done to him is arguably the equivalent to a black eye, emotionally (probably takes longer to heal). People will readily claim these are outlandish claims, but they're true; this is also why, I don't sleep with my friends.

Of course, some girls are going to make the argument, "It isn't fair guys get to fuck everything, and we can't" however, I will say this - I agree, as it too would NOT be fair for a girl to hit a guy, even though girls hitting guys isn't as worrisome - yet, guys and girls are not the same; they are EQUAL as intellects, and so many things, yes - they are not, however, the same. They are different (this should be obvious). Girls know this, too! They know! Because beyond frivolously getting laid in ways that are hurtful, because they can, and sex is handed to them on silver platters - if a girl wants to be abusive to her boyfriend? She cheats on him. I've talked to girls who have openly admitted, like, hey - I was pissed off at this dude, so I fucked his friend. Maybe sometimes they deserve it, I dunno - personally, I think if you're in that kind of a relationship as either a guy or girl, you're both bitches, and need to end it.

So then of course, girls will be like, "Well, this isn't fair! I want to fuck whoever I want!" Okay, you know what? That's fine! I openly condone this! We live in the 21st century, which too, also implies there are 7 billion people in the world, and you don't need to go around fucking up the friendships of guys you've banged, by banging all their friends, too - when you damn well know if and when this is the case, the guy was nice, and had feelings for you. All you're doing, is ABUSING that guy. Plain and simple. I've been at the receiving end of this before; I've had the girl who banged my roommate then left me for my best friend (he's obviously a piece of shit too), then begged for me back a year later - I've been down this road before, and it is AWFUL. And if girls want to act like guys shouldn't be so sensitive about it? Well, guess what gals? Thats EXACTLY when you set yourself up to be objectified.

TRUTH.

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Cray cray Christian

Its really strange talking to my mom about her belief system, and why she believes, etc. The whole faith based mentality boggles me, because she confesses to a fear of demons and demonic possession. Of course, if you're that far into your literal interpretation of God, the devil, and so forth - its safe to say you take the bible for what it says, literally. With that said, she has this little chihuahua named "Chicko", and he routinely humps the much larger dog named bear. Suffice to say, they're both male dogs, and of course I don't think Chicko even fully grasps or understands how to get through to Bear's butt hole. He kinda humps the diseased ring-worm ridden leg, (Bear has ring-worm) and I'm just like? Well, mom, is your DOG possessed by demons? I mean, he's obviously a sinner; and I'm fairly certain although the tales of Sodom and Gomorrah neglected mentioning, had the right light been shown on all perceived to be deviant behaviors - men who humped the diseased legs of other men, too, would be considered very sinful. I'm guessing the sin itself transcends simple use of the the butt hole. So whats the deal? Is Chicko demon possessed?

Is he going to hell?

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Facebook sucks

Facebook just sucks. We all have those moments where we bitch and moan about Facebook, and generally speaking I try to remind people that Facebook is awesome, its people that suck. What Facebook does to people, however, is obnoxious. Its just a big line out the door of people kissing each other's ass! That's all it is! You know how much pain and suffering I go through to just be a good person; a person who doesn't get laid if it's gonna hurt or bother his friends; a beautiful-beautiful fucking man, intelligent as all fucking hell, funnier than shit, in fact - funnier than EVERYone - I'm so goddamn sexually frustrated, because I'm trying to be a good person, and I can't fuck anyone without having emotional attachments to them, because I know they'll have emotional attachments to me, and everyone gets lined up out the door, reads this status, then try and intellectually dissect it without daring pose a challenge to me on the status, talk about how shitty I am because I speak my mind, with no filter; I speak the fucking truth, all day, people talk shit, and what does everyone who acts so nice and proper on Facebook go out and do? Everyone goes out there, and puts their best friend's ex-girl(boy)friends genitals in their mouths, ejaculates all over their goddamn face, then gives their "friend" a pat on the back, and they all line up out the door on Facebook, talking about peace, love, and about how much they love poor people - then they talk shit about me, the guy who didn't put anyone's ex girlfriend's genitals in his mouth - the guy who works a billion hours a week and sleeps in his car without any government benefits, living in utter poverty, working more hours than everyone, yet, still managing to be funnier, more thought provoking, more beautiful, nicer, and intelligent than just about every goddamn thing I see on Facebook all goddamn day. Yeah I said it.

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Doesn't get it

My brother doesn’t “get it” with me. He really doesn’t.  I’m like, dude, not everyone is a millionaire! My HEROS?  They’re just dudes, who play metal, barely make any money, travel the world, get fat, and have tattoos on their belly!  That’s IT! And you know what? I don’t even want to get fat!  I just wanna play some fucking metal!  He’s like, “You can’t play metal if you’re not a millionaire!"  Honestly? Okay, if you had the kind of responsibility that inquired millions in the making, how would you ever be at CAPACITY to write some hella bomb riffs in a super tits metal band?  Fuck man, Brent Hinds from Mastodon was a CARPENTER while he played in Mastodon. Beyond that, you know what? I don’t even NEED to be a carpenter!  I’m a fucking genius (in a way) - I don’t need to work that hard! I’m a brilliant satirical writer;  I just need some fucking robots to help me GET IT OUT THERE, and you know what else? I don’t need to be in Mastodon, either! I JUST WANNA FUCKING PLAY! THAT’S IT! And you know what else? Fuck man, I don’t. Dopamine must be out pretty hardcore tonight.

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>>x<<

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Apparition by Rossana Castellino © Facebook / deviantART / Website / Tubmlr

(Please leave credit & links … Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ)

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Metro-metal

For the record, I hate Trivium. I always have. They're what I refer to as "metro-metal".  I pull up my Blabbermouth.net feed, and it's Trivium. They're becoming more "melodic" as suggested by the headline, and to me this only spells "metro"  What I hate about these metal bands getting all metro as they age, is that they try and disguise their doing so by claiming it's still "heavy"  It's fucking heavy, and trivium has never been heavy. "Heaviness isn't defined by screaming!"  Yes. It. Is.  The world's heaviest bands, all scream. Nile, Cattle Decap, Origin, Fetus, CC - my all-star list - screaming, the entire time. Heavier than everything. Is Killswitch Engage as heavy as Corpse? Fuck no. Is Trivium? Fuck no. Then why is it these bands who slowly sell their souls, always claim that's not what they're doing?  Why can't they be more like Brent Hinds from Mastodon? "I fucking hate heavy metal, I wanna get the band away from metal. I play rock-a-billy and country. Fuck heavy metal"  So they're a prog rock band now, but are they like, "Look man, we're still gonna eat babies, fuck dogs, and shit.. we just wanna sing a little bit!" No, instead one of the two real talents in the band is like, "I went into a coma after the bassist of SOAD beat my ass at the VMA's, and it was a little too metal for me, so we went prog afterwards." Because that's what happened.

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Religious indoctrinates.

I don't know why intellectual debate surrounding claims by the religiously indoctrinated continue to exist. I just wasted fifteen minutes of my life watching Bill Nye explain how Noah's Ark is conceptually impossible. He's like, "The Wyoming was built by 14 of the world's most talented ship-writers! And they couldn't build a boat as big as the ark is claimed to have been."

Its like, I know dude! We didn't upload a billion species onto a boat, either. It didn't happen. This is some kind of seminar, and I'm just like? Well, why would anyone in this day and age still need this explained to them? Its like, gathering a group of children and explaining to them exactly why/how Santa Claus is fiction.

What I'd think would even be more interesting, is a sociological dissection of successes religions yield by their social structuring, morally. I think there is something to be said about that, as the majority of the world is indeed of some faith or another, or claims to have faith, and things churn different results.

Why are Jews so intelligent/wealthy? Does this have anything to do with the moral structuring of their heritage, morally, and spiritually? It could! Why are Christians so fucking dominant? Is there a moral code they abide by that leads them to repeated victories? Why do Islamic societies tend to fail, economically? Why does the middle east have a hard time with fundamentalism, when Indonesia - highest per capita muslim population - does not?

There's more to it than smoke and mirrors, fairy tales, and belligerent claims.

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Narcissistic

What I find ever so disheartening, is currently myself. In the passed few years, I've been so concerned over money I've lost the truest essence of my being; I used to be SO nice, and I cared about everyone, but now? Things are just different, and I personally? Don't like it. I don't know what to do about it, either. Do I keep going? Do I hold on? Whats ever so strange, is that love and it's prospects begin to fade, the more I feel compelled to be someone I'm not entirely sure I was meant to be. I'm so frustrated, because I'm so dumb, and everyone knows me SO well, and people either hate or love who I am. Its like, moses parting the seas - it really is, because I can feel it everywhere I go. I have to keep things in check, and I must understand I have a moral obligation to do something with my time/money when I'm awarded success, if anything to fill the holes dug in my heart seeking these things. I think about things I say, and I constantly feel awful. Yet, I've woven this orb of truth for the world to take a glance, in hopes of signaling to people that 1). I am human, and I need love, and 2). I want something more than whats going on. I know so many intelligent, talented, and good people. I feel like the vast majority of us our digging are graves into mediocrity as we're blinded by the prospects of indeed, cheap thrills, cheap love, cheap drugs, cheap everything - all the way until we're just yet another phase in life - those phases of which, a few? For whatever reason, a few came together, and did something AWESOME. I've felt it once in my life, and I miss those people, those times, and I hold an incredible longing for us all to retreat in such a way that instead of cutting each other's throats for sex, money, and parties - we create for ourselves the next burning man, or the next rock band; the next great novelists, the next great politicians - SOMEthing has got to give. In a way, I know I'm a huge inspiration, but there are gaps in my thinking needing to be filled. Quite honestly, I just HOPE I inspired someone, or a group of people, into doing SOMEthing that provides solace and security for myself and a few loved ones. Just take a LOOK at whats happened to my life. I lost control of something financially, and as the result I chose what I could have been over what I already was - and look. Look at me now; a shell of my former self. I'm so sad, but its interesting because I have to balance this accountability for the care of others, with my own well being! People get in my face, and they're like, "You're not paying attention to me!" or "You're awful" and so forth, and I'm like, why ME? I know why. Because I always was THAT person. I was the person who cared for those when no one else, would. I was! I was the person who'd help girls figure their emotions out, without FUCKING them. But now? I'm being FORCED to think about money, and I'm being FORCED to let things go, and I'm being forced into something I'm not supposed to be, and for what? Money, money, money, money. money. Who FUCKING cares? People who expect me to be that same old Kyle seem to, but you know what? Do they have to work 40 hours a week? Do they sleep in their cars? The answer is no. I feel like I'm having heart attacks - total stress related total paranoid freak outs - is this what people wanted, when they'd make fun of me for being a pizza delivery driver? At some point I'll probably come back to Seattle, because I love everyone so much, but I'm so scared, and so lonely, and so jaded. I can't sit around anymore; the more I do, the more I spend time on Facebook (my writing is worthy of exposure beyond this). And people don't understand, they really don't - people DO things, other than what they're passionate about. They watch TV, they play video games, and they think about money. Most people have to! I'm very gifted in the sense that, I don't NEED money to find love. I DO however, work incredibly hard at SOMEthing. "Kyle's fucking around on Facebook.." No see, Kyle has been WRITING for years. Years, and years, and years, I did NOT watch TV, I did NOT get laid, and thats not good enough. Put me in a box, lock it up, and throw me off the dock. Am I right? What if I start making lots of money? What if I become successful? What if I told you, I don't CARE about money. I really don't. Success to me, is simply getting by without a fucking heart attack. To me, success would be recognition for something great I've done. Success could and simply always will be, what I do with what I'm capable, and finding ways to make money off that? I'm trying. I'm scheming, I really am. I want a better life for myself. I want to be an excellent husband today. Shit, if I make it in time? Maybe a good father, as well. What I don't want, is this. I don't want to feel like I may as well bask in narcissism because I'm too stubborn to ask for help from anyone, and I don't want to be other people's "project" so to speak. I don't want to be in LA, I want to be at the club, with my best friends. I don't want to go to school, I want to write all day.

I want to be a really good person.

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Punk economics 101

For the sake of economical conversation, where is the morality in economics? I find myself somewhat flustered trying to identify politically, as quite honestly? In my heart? Full blood libertarian. Yet, my head? I'm fully apprised to the role Keynesian economics plays in preventing serious crisis, but it's so sad. The economy fails as the result of private industry grabbing for too much, after they've been given the green light by GSE's (the fed), so we're forced to borrow/steal from future generations by printing money we don't have, which in turn also thieves from frugality demonstrated by senior citizens, as their saved dollar devalues in the process. Was this necessary? Actually, it was - however, I'm infinitely dissapointed with how wasteful our stimulus was; spending money to ensure the jobs of government workers who by and large don't produce anything? That seems harsh, mind you - yes, the trillions in debt accumulated was vital to our success in avoiding another depression - the money, however, should have been spent on infrastructure; this would have saved us a huge percentage, considering when demand is low (economic turmoil) the product is cheaper. Instead we spent it making sure people like cops keep their jobs, yet, what is it the majority of these cops do? Most of them are great people, regardless, yet being a cop today is vastly comprised of imprisoning people for non-violent crimes; with more people incarcerated for drug convictions than total prisoners all throughout western Europe - yes, something has run amuck. And the thing infinitely befuddling about the whole process - people commonly place blame on governmental officials wanting to control your minds by keeping things like psychedelic drugs illegal, when in fact - the government knows these drugs are useful to the creation of new technologies, and understanding science - the government also knows without this protocol prohibiting their use, there would be long term economic benefits. Why keep them illegal? Because if you were suddenly make these drugs legal over night, where do all the jobs of these police men and DEA agents go? They vanish. By the millions. Complete and total economic, chaos. The problem, however, is short term political pandering of the legislatures keeping their jobs by ensuring the safety of voters; these voters hear things like, "LSD makes you give birth to babies without eyelids" - they become afraid, and politicians love keeping you scared because that's how they keep their jobs. What HAPPENED to us, as a people? It's endless. The country is like a worm that slowly devours itself for food. Furthermore, back on topic - why stimulus? Why Keynesian theory? Well, "in theory" it already worked, and prevented us from slipping into a depression, but how? Even by producing jobs incapable of producing products of their own, if consumers suddenly lost their capacity to consume (i.e. lose their job) investors take their money elsewhere to invest! It's like black magic, because, okay, these investors? They're smart. They know the stimulus is intended on keeping them interested in continuously spending money, and no they don't care about the consequences of anything else, because they have their money! When shit hits the fan? They're not going to spend it! And they know everything we did to keep everyone's jobs afloat during the crisis was largely prefaced in fluff, and guess what? They don't care! You know who else doesn't care? Government employees that were guaranteed jobs and pensions the rest of their lives! Fuck you, I'm entitled. Then you've got kids with iphones in hand, "Fuck you, give me health care, and free college! I hate America!" You know what's funny? Okay, I am ALL for universal care, free college, all these things. You know what's interesting? The countries that do these things well, or the best (per se) by and large have BALANCED budgets, and small populations which creates for an easier ride through legislation. We can't do jack shit, ironically because much as many American "socialist" activists love clinging to, we're FAR too diverse a population. We all wanna be like Norway, suddenly, at the drop of a hat - a country comprised of oil rich white people - the American democratic party's worst nightmare, and guess what? I'm fairly certain Norway has a balanced budget (at least in comparison)! It might even be a part of their constitution (don't quote me on that)! So what's going on in America, we've got the dude with a comb over trying to kill all the Mexicans, and some dude who if indeed had his way? Would blow a fucking HUGE hole in our budget. Suddenly we're demanding MORE healthcare - and how much did Obamacare cost? Trillions. We should have gone universal the first time. Now, 18 trillion in debt - we want to do it AGAIN. We also want LESS Mexicans, and where does this take us? Obviously neither candidate would succeed in granting 80% of our wish list, (neither is anywhere close to as clever as Obama) - where does this lead us?

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Girls suck

I spend lots of my time defending women, and hating men; I am incredibly respectful of all the women I've come across, and the reason is simple: I don't wanna end up like my dad (three divorces).

I refuse!

My dads divorces are directly correlated with his lack of respect for women, and this is something he's actually admitted! He's like, "You know what my problem is? I don't respect women." This was ever so apparent to me as we shared a beer at the local pub one day - one of the cute blonde bar tenders struck up a conversation with me, and by the end of it my dad was like, "You know what the difference between you and I is? If I were you, I'd be boning that girl by the end of the night.."

This is a huge difference between us, because like the fear of God - I respect women, precisely after seeing what he's gone through. I'm like, well gee dad - you've had half your shit taken from you three times! You'd think or at the very least hope I learned a lesson from this!

I have.

I try to not take anything, from women. This means no sex, and seldom a relationship. This is hard for me, because I'm WAY too smart to be doing what I've been doing, and I've been left with very few options as far as a path for correction is concerned. I'm wild, and I really try to respect women by sparing them from my tendencies - tendencies which vastly consist of me losing interest incredibly fast.

Anyway, girls too, are capable of abuse.

Its funny, because I defend girls - this whole notion of "free love" - this idea that somehow, "love" is free when in fact, its the girl who doesn't have an orgasm, and risks getting pregnant. That kind of "love" isn't free, for girls.

This is interesting, because when evaluating the duality of processes - as men abuse with their physicality, women abuse with sexuality. Sex is a woman's power.

I've received so many emotional black eyes, and holes in my heart from an abuse of sexuality, that its really scary to be honest. I try to step in, I see what happens; like Mayweather's defensive skills with boxing, I stay back, I watch, and I see what happens. I've been dodging shots for years, now.

Its never pretty, and I don't necessarily attribute this to the girl's character considering how young we all are, and it too is true that I have a different standard for how I'm treated, after witnessing my parents fairly abusive (emotionally/finacially/etc) relationship. As I've watched some get it together later on, and actually verbally express remorse for what they put me through - I too, am far from perfect. I hurt my ex pretty bad during our trial stages of friendship, being a total ass. I still feel bad about it. I didn't fuck her, but you know what? I said some things that were not warranted by our friendship. I miss her, so I lose too.

We're not going to talk about me, however.

I'm talking from the point of view, which indeed - is UNIQUE. Its unique in the sense that, I am going to do everything in my power to harvest a good relationship so I don't end up like my folks, and I will stay single until the end of time, to get there.

Heres the thing: guys are predominantly abusive, and its not fair. I always point this out, and I have the best track record for respecting women out of what I'd suggest to be the vast majority of my peers. Yet, it should be mentioned that some of us guys are completely unarmed, and yes I would like to tout myself as one of them. As someone who's never once asked for sex, even from his own girlfriend, horny as shit - as someone who has only engaged casual sex, once - as someone who quite honestly? Has broken some hearts, and to be perfectly honest yielded a 90% desired return policy warranted by those I've been with? I'm an AWESOME boyfriend. I always bend over backwards; I never cheat, never raise my voice, do everything I can, and work as hard as I'm at capacity to do so.

With that said: I see the way young girls act, and what they do to guys, and perhaps they're only doing what they've been groomed for considering how poorly some guys treat girls - I'm not one of them - I stand back, and I just watch. You know what I see? Girls fuck guys, then go fuck their friends. Shame on men, too! Not very good friends, and unfortunately - the dynamic is indeed, by and large unfair when you take into consideration that guys fuck anything that moves; it should also be mentioned, that this is exactly how women become objectified. So its not good for girls to do this, because honestly? Okay, I've been in the relationship with a girl who boned one of my best friends (I found out about it after us hooking up) - then of course my roommate, then my other best friend after we split - this shit SUCKS.

It sucks, because when girls do that to me? I'm just like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? There's nothing I can do, because I've always felt morally obliged to be sparing with my sexuality, and its not like I'm ever going to hit anyone; shit, I don't even yell about it, and you know what else? Most of the time I've been open arms in forgiveness (which is sick). Perhaps girls do this to most guys, and perhaps most guys deserve it - I however, never do. I don't. I try to be specific with girls, and I explain my predispositions and a need for good stability - you can't DO that kind of shit to guys like me, because when you do? Whether you know it or not, if we're the kind of guys that go out of our way to overt all stereotypes perpetuated by the male population - men who strive to be good, virtuous, and morally upheld in the highest regard? Its like you're smacking us in the face, with a shovel.

Its SO mean. It really is, and perhaps girls think its harmless because they've vastly been the victims of most guys, but some of us? You know, if you were to engage these practices on a grander scale - lets take race for example - you may as well be judging every black person (man) as being a criminal (pig) the same way a racist would.

Not all guys are pigs! They're not! I AM NOT a pig. I'm so awesome with girls, and I get SO hurt, so easily, and in the same breath perhaps I need to understand that my pain is perhaps the result of men who don't hold themselves to the same standard - and spin this cycle of what I certainly label, abuse.

It is abusive, to tell guys you love them, then go fuck other people the guy knows. You may not think its fair, but I'm simply telling you from the perspective I've had - mind you, this perspective has been formed and evolved from girls I've never even touched, and been completely destroyed by (those Floyd Mayweather defensive skills) When I first entered the rave scene in Seattle, I was quite honestly boggled by how callous it was, and how cut throat people were about dating. Perhaps this is just a part of adulthood, yet I'm here to tell you - there is another aspect of adulthood over the horizon, requiring an entirely different approach once children are involved. You can't raise families, get divorced, then go bone your kid's best friend's mom or dad. Thats not how it works!

Sure, maybe thats how it works with some families, but you know what? Those people SUCK. There is a different precedent to be set, as I'm sure many have already kind of figured out - dating people who used to date your best friends, sucks. I don't really see it working in anyone's favor thus far.

Its just some food for thought. Because I think about things, and I'm like, I need to be more specific with people! I need to be more verbal, and I need to let people know that its not okay! It isn't. You're not supposed to hurt people like me, because people like me? In the big bad world of competitive dating? Okay, so love for a once incredibly shy-borderline aspie kind of dude? Like, the kind of guy who watches economic speeches all by himself, in his room all day? That kind of guy? Love is a BIG deal to us. Its a huge thing. It rarely happens, and fortunately I'm attractive enough that enough girls continually try and bypass my fortress of awe inspiring defensive dating skills (I'm hella good - people would be surprised). Its NOT okay, to use/abuse guys with sex, money, or anything of the sort. I wouldn't necessarily say its as wrong for men to abuse women; in fact thats not what I'm saying at all. What I am saying, is that some of you girls?

SUCK.

I'm sure its all apart of "growing pains" and "growing up" but its like, dude, especially when speaking on behalf of us who're overly nice and very fresh to the idea of dating? Us guys? Like, you can be like, "Oh, well I was a young chick.. I'm sorry" Yet, do you see anyone out there saying, "Oh, I'm sorry I punched that kid in the face. That was mean." Its like, no dude, if you punch some kid in the face? Sorry? Go fuck yourselves.

Because thats what I often feel like. A kid. I really do. As I try and navigate what dating entails, and try to decipher serial daters from people who actually genuinely care about the people they're allegedly in love with? I don't understand. I don't. When shit blows up in my face the way it does, I'm like, what the fuck? Why did this happen to me? Better question: what WOULD have happened had I not such excellent defense (mad skills yo!)? Three divorces? STD's? Lost friendships? All three?

Who the fuck knows.

Long short of it is, both sexes have a responsibility to be good to one another if they ever want a relationship to last, or any type of mutual respect.

Its so fucking simple.

Girls suck, too.

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Ego solution

My second phone upgrade died yesterday. This has happened twice in one week. I went into Verizon to get a new phone, and they said it'd take up to a week. I told those bitches, "No! I want my new phone today!" They were like, "We can only hand out one free phone a week!" I was like, "Look, you cocksuckers. You've given me two broken phones in ONE week. I want another one, TODAY" "Okay, fine.." they said. Ha! The security guard gave me his nod of approval as I walked out the door.

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Midgets aren't food, they're people

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I'm really pretty, how about you?

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When you smoke out of huge bongs you get a tolerance to weed, can the same be said about girls who prefer big dicks?