yiska-h

[yiska-h]

Does everything have to be an endless battle? Why do I feel like a cheetah endlessly running through the jungle? My anxiety doesn’t give me a break, especially when I need it the most.

Okay, I finally got what I was fighting for. But why am I still struggling? If the war is over, why do I feel like something else is coming?

I just want to feel at peace. I want to make peace with myself.

[yiska-h]

The afternoon was bathed in sunlight and warmth. From the kitchen came the comforting scent of dinner being made, that unmistakable smell of home that stirs the hunger of both body and soul.

Golden rays brushed through my hair as soft music played, and I drifted into quiet thoughts about life.

Why do moments so simple feel so rare?

And what is this gentle peace, so fleeting and pure?

Afternoons like this are few

Don’t let worry steal them away.

[yiska-h]

I came here so many times just to vent and let it all out, but I promised I’d come back to say thank you if things got better.

So… thank you.

Nothing lasts forever, not even pain. Patience isn’t easy, and mine was pushed to the limit. But somehow, I made it through.

Sometimes it feels like nothing’s changing, like everything’s stuck. But it’s not true. Even in the middle of chaos, things are shifting, we just don’t always see it.

Now, things I never thought would happen are actually happening, and I’m beyond grateful to God for that.

I never let go of my faith, even when everything felt lost.

There are still challenges ahead, I’m sure, but going through all of this made me stronger and more ready for whatever comes next.

And now I get it, everything that happens to us happens for a reason. It’s preparing us for what’s coming, and only God really knows how to guide us through it.

If you’re feeling lost and you’re reading this, hang in there. It gets better, I promise. What you’re hoping for is closer than you think.

[yiska-h]

[yiska-h]

People always told me to take the easy way, but I always did the opposite. Was it foolish? Maybe. But one thing I know for sure: the wrong path took me further.

Because in order to find the right path, I had to take the wrong one first. The detour was longer, but along the way, I learned things I never would’ve learned if I had taken the short and easy route.

Don’t be afraid of going the wrong way, sometimes, that’s exactly where you need to go.

[yiska-h]

[yiska-h]

spirited away - 2001 - bath entrance scene

[yiska-h]

It’s only when everything goes quiet, when we’re left with nothing, that we finally see what we had and how much it meant. Why is it that we only learn to appreciate things once they’re gone? It’s when we’re picking up the pieces that we realize we’ve lost the whole thing.

spirited away - 2001

[yiska-h]

Keeping my head up through all this loneliness isn’t easy. Lately, it’s just been me, getting by on my own.

Honestly, it’s always been like that… just me, carrying myself through life.

I’m holding on to the hope that I’ll come out of this dark, lonely place.

There are only a few moments when I see the light, but as long as I still see it, I’m grateful.

[yiska-h]

[yiska-h]

an apprentice near a temple will recite the scriptures untaught

[yiska-h]

Hi guys,

I’ve been trying to find balance between my thoughts and my emotional state. In the middle of the chaos, it’s hard for me to tell what’s real in what I’m thinking, most of the time, I’m the only one I end up hurting.

Self-destructive thoughts that get in the way of my routine and affect my physical and emotional well-being. But I’m trying to find that balance. To look at the thought and simply observe it, instead of fighting it or denying it—I try to watch it and understand it.

Sometimes, what happens in our lives is inevitable, and there’s nothing we can do but accept it.

It’s been a long journey, but I know that sooner or later, things will work out for me. I truly hope so.

[yiska-h]

Are we drowning in our own thoughts? Are we lost, confused, and without hope or direction? Are we always making the wrong choices? Why can’t we get it right? Why is it so easy for some, and so difficult for others?

I say “we” because I’m speaking to you too—there’s always someone in the same, or even worse, situation. So I’m writing for all of “us.”

You’re not alone.

This month has been tough, honestly, it’s been challenging since the start of the year, but with each passing month, it just gets harder… they call it character development… a test to come out stronger and better. But I ask myself, how long is this going to take? Do I have to keep putting up with this? How long will “they” keep pushing my patience?

Sorry if all I do here is vent, but when life goes my way, I’ll be here to give thanks.

[yiska-h]

How many of us have the same opportunities? The same achievements? The same good choices? The same luck? The same support that so many have in childhood? The same access to psychological help?

I didn’t, and I’m sure at least a quarter of the people reading this didn’t either. But I’m writing this for everyone—for those who had the chance and those who didn’t.

Every time you pick yourself up after falling because no one was there to help, know that you did it for you. Because you’re strong. Because every time life didn’t give you a way, you found your own. Still not working out? Fc.k it, it’s not working for me either. But you know what? I’m still grateful. There’s always someone in a worse situation—who am I to complain? Who am I to give up?

Might as well keep going. Keep fighting. Keep dreaming. I know that one day, we’ll be rewarded. And if not in this life, then in the next.

The ones who were humiliated will rise.

[yiska-h]

Sometimes I catch myself thinking: could the decisions I’ve made be the reason for what’s happening to me now? What could I have done to make it different? What can I do now to change what was done? Many questions arise in my mind, and it leaves me frustrated without answers. But the truth is, nothing I do will change the past! So, it’s better to move on and deal with the mistake of my decision. The question is, how do I move forward if the place I want to be is in the past? In that same past I was in before making the wrong decision. Does everything happen for a reason? Was I meant to make a mistake so I could return to the same place, but stronger? I long for these questions to be answered… honestly, I’m tired.

[yiska-h]

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[yiska-h]