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[zzzzzestforlife]

🩰 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 12 of 13 🍡

最近我很忙了🏃‍♀️ 有时我很累了，但是最近我也有力量 💪 一点一点我可以见我更好 💐 (lately i'm very busy 🏃‍♀️ sometimes i'm very tired, but lately i also have strength 💪 little by little i can see myself better 💐)

🦌 read a chapter of And Then There Were None

⚔️ reconnected with a childhood friend

🍚 officially start my third project lead role at work(!!) + finally fixed a very nasty bug which i've been working on for the entire week until now + helped another colleague debug An Issue™️

🍊 goal-setting journalling sesh~

🦊 comparative cognition review

🍒 finish second half of beginner ballet lesson

😼 Japanese lessons (6x) + unit exam

🐶 cleaning fairy (no music this time because my thoughts are loud enough as it is 😅)

💌: 明天是我的挑战的最后天！直到我到哪儿，加油！(tomorrow is the last day of my challenge! until i get there, keep going!)

[zzzzzestforlife]

wdym? 🤨

[zzzzzestforlife]

nose scrunches & bunny teeth >ᴗ< for @jkvjimin ♡

cr. namuspromised, qdeoks

[zzzzzestforlife]

this semester can kiss my ass goodbye

[zzzzzestforlife]

⏩: i'm still tired, but when i look back, i can feel that i've come a long way. so like this, i can go farther 🌠

⏩: 我仍然很累了，但是当我看我的后面我可以觉得我来了很长。所以这样我可以去更远 🌠

💼 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 8 of 13 🤧

去公司，去公司，会做很多的钱 💸 回家，回家，会很多的睡觉 💤 (go to the company 2x, make lots of money, go back home 2x, sleep a lot 💤)

🍚 peer-reviewed, wrote, deployed LOTS of code for someone with this level of migraine 👩‍💻

🦦 세븐틴의 일본에서 어느 멋진 날

⚔️ chatted with a friend

😼 Chinese lesson + unit exam

🦌 started reading a 4th(🚨💀⚠️) book (it's Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None 🕵️‍♀️ and it's technically for book club so it's fine that i started it before finishing the other 3,,, right? 🙃)

🐸 loving-kindness meditation

🍊🐻‍❄️ journalled (bgm)

🍒 the most basic yoga, pilates, weights exercises + one (1) walk 🚶‍♀️

🐶 continued disturbing dust bunnies

😇 even more sleep than i knew i was capable of sustaining in one go

💌: 今天我的学习的休假。前可以继续我需要记如何做人。(today i have a day off from studying. before i can continue, i need to remember how to be human.)

[zzzzzestforlife]

🧠 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 11 of 13 🪱

我学如果我是虫，我还是爱我。(i'm learning that if i was a worm, i would still love me.)

🐸 고잉 세븐틴의 준랑 명상

😼 a ridiculous amount of Japanese (6+) + Chinese (1) + Korean (3) lessons

🍒 arm workout

🦊 comparative cognition review

🦌read a chapter of And Then There Were None

🦦 很长的时间后再次开始看青春环游记

🐶🐻‍❄️ cleaning fairy soft ver.

🍊 journal

💌: 今天好的吃 🐯 而且我不好的睡觉但是我还是慢走所以高兴 😇 (today i ate well 🐯 also, i didn't sleep well, but i still took care so i'm happy 😇)

bonus: 요즘 내가 "열심이 일했어" 이모티콘 🍚 쓰기 안하고, 맞아요? 그... 씽기방기뿡뿡방기~~~* ㅋ ㅋ ㅋ ㅋ (lately my "i worked hard" emoticon 🍚 isn't used, right? well,,, shinggibanggibboongboongbanggi~~~* hehehehe)

*- a trend word created by ^우리 천사^ that you say when your teachers/boss would be mad/disappointed at your performance, but you just don't care about anything anymore i guess 😅😂

[zzzzzestforlife]

GOING BOOSEOKSOON: COMEBACK TIME 고잉 부석순 : 컴백해야지 #1 (2023)

[zzzzzestforlife]

100 Days of Productivity [Day: 79] || 100 Jours de Productivité [Jour: 79]

I've finally fallen back into a daily routine that I can be happy with. There's been enough time before & after work to get everything done that I've wanted to while also having enough time for me. It feels good to be back on track with my reading goal for the year & to be digging into book recommendations that are more to my liking.

early mornings are a lot more rewarding when you're able to spend them doing what you want to. & life feels like it's worth living when you can give yourself the freedom you deserve.

currently listening // Expression by my!lane, Jetha

J'ai enfin retrouvé une routine quotidienne qui me convient. J'ai eu assez de temps avant et après le travail pour faire tout ce que je voulais faire, tout en ayant assez de temps pour moi. Cela fait du bien de retrouver mon objectif de lecture pour l'année et de me plonger dans des recommandations de livres qui me plaisent davantage.

Les petits matins sont beaucoup plus gratifiants lorsqu'on peut les consacrer à ce que l'on veut. Et la vie vaut la peine d'être vécue lorsqu'on peut se donner la liberté que l'on mérite.

chanson // Expression par my!lane, Jetha

[zzzzzestforlife]

Heyy , just wanted to tell you thank you for the outfit inspo 🫶 I didn’t know Uniqlo had such cute & affordable basics !

ahhh so glad they helped ☺️ you're gonna do so well at your internship and look hella fine doing it 💁‍♀️

👀 summer outfit inspo for our professional girlies 💕

[zzzzzestforlife]

🍰 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 10 of 13 💐

最近我真的好的吃，但是也许太好？😅 我的胃一点病了哈哈 😂 不担心，我会好啊~ 我很好的睡觉，所以我会做一切 😇 (lately i've been eating really well, but maybe too well? 😅 my stomach is a little sick haha 😂 don't worry, i'll be fine~ i slept well, so i can do everything 😇)

🐸 loving kindness meditation

🍊 journal

😼 Japanese + Chinese lessons

🍒 beginner ballet lesson (but only half because i didn't use the bar at all until rond de jambes so i'm extra tired extra early but still proud of myself for pushing!!)

🦊 comparative cognition review

🦌🐻‍❄️ read a chapter of And Then There Were None (bgm)

🦦 고잉 세분틴의 Comeback + 고잉 부석순 다시 봐 + Second Wind Behind

⚔️ made a new friend and caught up with an old friend ❤️

🐶🐻‍❄️ cleaning fairy (bgm)

💌: 现在我应该用中文写我的明天的计划吗？我只是会做一样的东西 🙈 (now should i write my to-do list for tomorrow in Chinese? i will just do the same things 🙈)

bonus: thanks for tagging me in this fun game @booksbluegurl ☺️

technically not a full song, but i last listened to seventeen's highlight medley for the new album!!

study break time, friends! 💛 @pianistbynight @panda-studiesmed @yughostlavia @manasseh @the-awesomecosmos-studies

[zzzzzestforlife]

some of my fave boo moments

980116: Happy Seungkwan Day!

[zzzzzestforlife]

⛰️ 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 9 of 13 ✒️🤍

今天不错了！我觉得更好！昨天晚上我很好的睡觉 😇 而且生病��我再次可以好的吃 🐯 (today was not bad! i feel much better! last night i slept very well 😇 and after getting sick, i can eat well again 🐯)

🍊 my first time writing a dream journal! ☺️

🍚 refactored code to be much better than it was before 😌, made good progress and used new tools on bug investigation 🤓

🐸 loving kindness meditation

🍒 4/7 beginner ballet lessons complete!

😼 Japanese lessons (3x)

⚔️ talked to a new-ish friend! (we have mutual friends and hang out sometimes but never really talked 1:1 before!)

🦊 comparative cognition review

🐶🐻‍❄️ laundry fairy~ (jazzy bgm)

💌: 生活真的很好啊~ 🥰 我会继续努力所以我可以很好的完！加油！(life is really very good~ 🥰 i will continue to work hard so i can finish well! let's go!)

bonus: merci pour le tag @mochademic 😘 changed it up a bit since i did it recently 😉

last song: when was anyone gonna tell me this hidden gem 💎 by a rare seventeen sub-unit existed??

currently watching: started watching Tokyo Vice recently!

sweet/savory/spicy last snack: korean style pork jerky~~

relationship status social battery: 80% (higher than average)

current obsession: honestly, this challenge high-key slaps, if i do say so myself 🤓 i feel so motivated!!

study break time, friends!! 💙 @winryrockbellwannabe @casiopeasmiles @rose-learns-japanese @tokidokitokyo @megumi-fm

[zzzzzestforlife]

"Why aren't you jumping??" BOOCHAN 🥺

[zzzzzestforlife]

NANA TOUR with SEVENTEEN episode 3

[zzzzzestforlife]

an update: motivation is back!! ☺️ life knocks you down, you can't avoid it. you'll only stress yourself out. just remember that you can always, always get back up 💪

업데이트: 내 동기 들려왔다!! ☺️ 인생은 너를 쓰러뜨리다, 피 할 수 없어요. 그냥 너 자신 스트레스를 있어거에요. 그냥 다시 일어나를 기억해요 💪

😵‍💫 17 (In)Sanity Challenge // Day 5 of 13 🤡

네, 오늘 난 이렇겠었어요. 내 시험은 실패를 또는 일해에서 해고돼를 진짜 싶지 않아서 난 아직 동기를 없어 놀라요 😮‍💨 (yup, this was me today. for someone who really doesn't want to fail my exams/get fired, i have a surprisingly low amount of motivation 😮‍💨)

🍚 drove more discussions, sought professional help (from my manager, lol, there's this new project i want to pitch some ideas for, so she helped me frame my arguments 🙏)

🍒 slow workout for the girlies

🐸 고잉 세븐틴의 meditation

🍚 wrote exactly one line of code as a first step to fix a seriously fucked up bug

😼 Japanese + Chinese lessons

🍊 reflective journal to Improve Myself™️

🦊 comparative cognition review

💌: 아직 좆됐어. 근데 한국어으로 말해면 더 좋은데 🤡 (i'm/it's still fucked. but it's better if i say it in Korean 🤡)

[zzzzzestforlife]

reflections // starting the summer term 🌷💌

(feel free to skip … just a lot of rambling about changes of mindset, i’ll sum it up later in my new pinned.)

it’s been more than a month since I’ve started this blog, and I’m really really glad that I did. not because my productivity has spiked or my anxiety has diminished or whatever (though there have been positive effects), but because just attempting to start something like this meant that I was no longer willing to suffer and rot in private. i talked about the “hole of dysfunction and self-hatred” in my old introduction: for so long, that hole was my best-kept secret and my greatest shame. being competent and ambitious was an aspect of my personality, and I couldn’t handle the idea that it wasn’t true.

but then…. dearestkong emerged!! and I started being completely transparent. telling strangers about every day of self-destructiveness. it was a good form of accountability, sure, but it was also a means of telling the truth. this blog has been a way for me to say: i’ve been struggling, and it’s not a fluke or a “flop era” or something entirely disconnected from the high achiever i used to be. the girl fighting off inertia and the girl seemingly doing everything with ease are the same person.

🌷☆彡

my posts have been getting more optimistic recently, and that isn’t a fluke, either. lots of things have happened: i’ve realised how many people support and believe in me, i started taking medication for a problem i’ve had for a while (it’s crazy how the world seems so much brighter now?!!?!), i started writing in my diary again. i’m now 27 days clean from a self-destructive behaviour (this blog isn’t about my relationship with that, but in the early days i used to make a note of relapses and just the fact of acknowledging it felt so freeing to me. it wasn’t something to hide anymore, but a fight i was making progress with.)

this seems like a rapid evolution for such a new blog, right?! but in the next six months, i’m going to be applying to university. i’m about to undergo some of the most rapid evolutions of my life.

🌷☆彡

for so long, i’ve had this vague and unspecified dream: “doing the best” “working my hardest” “impressing my teachers”. now my dream has a name and a face and admissions results attached to it and it’s making me so scared that i want to throw up. when i was in the depths of the hole i couldn’t stop seeing my life as a binary. either i get in, or i don’t. and if i don’t, what the hell is the point of living?

38 days later and i feel a little differently. i am someone who has climbed out the hole of inertia and lived. i have done many things and they’ve all turned out fine— great, actually. i have reason to believe that things will go well.

i still have a pretty nasty relationship with myself, lol. it makes me really happy when people on this blog interact and talk, but they’re all so nice and it makes me feel a little fake. in reality i’m standoffish, awkward, and often mean. i coast by on intellectual abilities while slacking off. i’m a judgemental egoist who is sometimes self-destructive. all of that is true—>

but at the same time, i still have this crazy belief that i deserve the best. it’s literally an overflow of egoism ;;;; there’s nobody i’m more in love with than myself. i think of the girl i’ll be in the future with such affection, and i don’t want her to feel ashamed or resentful of me. she deserves to have her hopes fulfilled!! she deserves the brightest, the best that i can give her.

in conclusion: even if i don’t like the person i am at the present, i have to do it anyway. 1 because there’s no other option and 2 because i love the person i’ll be in the future too much to stop.

🌷☆彡

so from now on, the purpose of this blog is changing slightly. it’s no longer “get out of the hole and survive” like it used to be. we’re past that, we’re already surviving.

now, the aim is to “do my best so my future self can live with no regrets”. that’s not very concise but I’ll work on it.

let’s do this! 加油！

[zzzzzestforlife]

💼 17 Sanity Challenge // Day 8 of 13 🤧

去公司，去公司，会做很多的钱 💸 回家，回家，会很多的睡觉 💤 (go to the company 2x, make lots of money, go back home 2x, sleep a lot 💤)

🍚 peer-reviewed, wrote, deployed LOTS of code for someone with this level of migraine 👩‍💻

🦦 세븐틴의 일본에서 어느 멋진 날

⚔️ chatted with a friend

😼 Chinese lesson + unit exam

🦌 started reading a 4th(🚨💀⚠️) book (it's Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None 🕵️‍♀️ and it's technically for book club so it's fine that i started it before finishing the other 3,,, right? 🙃)

🐸 loving-kindness meditation

🍊🐻‍❄️ journalled (bgm)

🍒 the most basic yoga, pilates, weights exercises + one (1) walk 🚶‍♀️

🐶 continued disturbing dust bunnies

😇 even more sleep than i knew i was capable of sustaining in one go

💌: 今天我的学习的休假。前可以继续我需要记如何做人。(today i have a day off from studying. before i can continue, i need to remember how to be human.)