#source: tiktok

[waterfire1848]

Sokka, referring to Katara: When does the baby go back? Hakoda: No, Sokka, the baby is ours. We're keeping her. Kya: You'll be a great big brother for her, right? Sokka: Fine but can we have one with teeth?

[team-iceflower]

Ruby: How the hell do you spell showfur?

Weiss: Chauffeur.

Ruby: Well look at Mrs. Fancy Pants rich magee over here, fuck you.

[bruhwhyyyyy]

tfp!human!au:

how the 1st episode should have started

ratchet: - what in the actual fuck?

optimus: - ratchet. be careful what you say, there are children here.

ratchet: - well that's the point! what in the actual fuck do the children do on the military base?

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

Vera: Guess what.

Nina: What?

Vera: No, you have to guess.

Nina: ?? I don’t know

Vera: Your grandmother is in the hospital.

Nina:

Nina: Why would you make me guess that?

[incorrectbatfam]

Goon #1: Last night, Red Hood paid the boss a visit, and Robin picked up a grenade someone left on a crate, and let me tell you...

Goon #1: When Hood yelled “Put that shit back!” so loud, you know what I did?

Goon #2: You put your own shit back, didn’t you?

Goon #1: I put my own shit back.

[bruhseidon]

[At Damian & Y/N’s wedding]

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and wi—

Jason, who is uninvited by Damian and is petty about it, so he decides to cause some chaos: HE CHEATED ON YOU!!

Damian, who has never once betrayed Y/N: WHO SAID THAT!?

Jason:

Damian: Who said that? Who said that…?

Alfred: I now pronounce you, husband and—

Jason: HE SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER!!

Damian: WHO SAID THAT!?!

Jason:

Damian: WHO SAID THAT SH—

Alfred, speeding up: Inowpronounceyouhusban—

Jason: HIS HAIRLINE’S RECEDING!!

Damian, taking out his katana as he finally catches sight of Jason: [screaming]

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Tim: *develops a plan

Steph: Not gonna lie, that sounds like a war crime.

Tim: It’s never a war crime the first time. Now whether it gets designated a war crime after…

Tim: That’s not my problem.

[ktkat99]

Tim: So I overheard something at the coffee shop this morning. These two people were talking and one said that the person you are now is who you would have felt safest with as a kid.

Jason: Huh. Damn. I mean... I do protect the crime alley kids.

Tim: And I am... literally a version of Robin.

Cass: Ballerina. Hero. I love giving hugs. Yeah, makes sense.

Alfred: I never noticed that, but I guess I, too, grew into who I'd needed as a child.

Bruce, walking in wearing the Batsuit, covered in blood and scratches, holding a pissed off Damien under one arm and a kennel with a pissed off raccoon in the other: Someone tell Damien he can't have a new pet, someone else take this thing back to the woods, the rest of you please dismantle Damien's raccoon house, I'll be downstairs giving Dick stitches as he was the one who found that thing.

Damien: No! Father! Please don't get rid of Domino! I can train him to only attack our enemies! Just give me time!

Tim, Jason, Cass, Alfred, all side eyeing Bruce: Hmmm.

[incorrectclonewars]

Maul: Skywalker has been groomed to become Sidious's new apprentice.

Ahsoka: Nu-uh.

Maul: The fuck you mean "Nu-uh"?!

[redadidassneakers]

James: *glaring at Regulus for being mean to Sirius*

Regulus: don’t look at me like that

James: *grins and bites bottom lip*

Regulus: don’t look at me like that either

[nixster627]

Wei Wuxian: What's your type?

Lan Wangji: Kind, smart and also dumb, brave, a good fighter.

Wei Wuxian: That kinda sounds like me. Too bad I'm not a woman.

Lan Wangji: Did I mention dumb?

Wei Wuxian: Yes.

Lan Wangji: Good. Just making sure.

[yeats-nana]

Bruce: Are you going to make sure nobody picks on your brother?

Jason (7 y.o): [holding Tim's (3 y.o) hand] ..mhmm, yeah

Bruce: You're gonna stick up for him?

Jason: Y-yeah!!

Bruce: What is- What's the matter with him? Do you remember what its called?

Jason: Anxe-anxi-anshi-

Bruce: Anxiety?

Jason: Anxiety!

Bruce: Yes.

Bruce: And if kids pick on your brother, what are you gonna do?

Jason: ..

Jason: KILL THEM!!!

[simple-dark-eyes]

*Cater scrolling through social media during a pop music club meeting and sees a post that catches his eye and shows lilia*

Cater: Look! Malleus is treading all over Magicam!*shows Lilia the aticle and picture* "Heir To Briar Valley Caught Making Out With Unknown Night Raven student (Yuu)." Malleus' and Yuu's relationship just got exposed...

Lilia: Sometimes, that's how it goes.

Kalim: Sebek's gonna find out any minute...

*insert very loud incoherent screaming here that can be heard throughout the whole school here*

Lilia: ... I'm sure he already knows.

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

Eddie: Are you into cars?

Mick: Yes, it was truly a masterpiece of film.

Eddie: No, I mean like are you a car person?

Mick: I’m a human.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: *sees Gotham in chaos on his day off*

Bruce: Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my—

Bruce: *realizes it's his kids causing chaos*

Bruce: My circus my monkeys! My circus my monkeys!

[bruhseidon]

Y/N, running away in full wedding attire: I can’t marry you! You’re too good for me!

Dick, chasing after her: What does that even mean!?

Y/N: You are too nice to me!

Dick: I’ll- I’ll be less nice!

Y/N: Your gifts are too specific!

Dick: I’ll get you a gift card! I’m sorry, I never meant to not hurt you!

Y/N: You’re too emotionally supportive!

Dick: We can work on that in therapy!

Y/N, stopping to cup his cheeks: It’s the money! You make too much money!

Dick, putting his hands over hers: I’ll quit my job! I’ll do improv! I’ll tell Bruce to write me out of his will!

Y/N: …No!

Dick: What? Babe!

Y/N, running again: I can’t- I can’t do it! I can’t—my mom likes you too much!

Dick, chasing again: Fine, I’ll punch her in the face!

Y/N: No! You’re- you’re- you’re too in love with me!

Dick: So are you!

Y/N, stopping in her tracks: What!? Y-You’re too committed!

Dick, stopping in front of her: Fine, we can be poly!

Y/N: What!?

Dick: I mean, you! You could be polly!

Y/N: Fine! [runs away crying]

Dick, staying still: Wait, no, babe! Babe! Goddamn it…

Y/N, still running: Are you not running after me!?