4nanas06

[4nanas06]

oh also i started playing sdv again

that shit has be gripped by the scruff of the neck

i married harvey had a kid

named it after my best friend

im currently 100 hours in

surprise shawty

(i didnt know this existed giggles)

[4nanas06]

ive not been on tumblr in forever

am no longer a small lesbian girl i am a man and i am demiromantic and bi

its a shame i know, i like men, yuck

i want to draw i want to create, i just thought

hey! none of my irls have me on tumblr!

i can post art and be insane and not worry about being perceived by someone whose opinion i care about!

so here i am

[4nanas06]

its craxy how ill use tumblr as a diary then dissappear off the face of the earth for months then come back like abyone actually reads these lolol

nyways i made a spacehey account cause i was bored, spend tons of time with the coding for my profile

was so fun

my username is literally just jiggle i think

ill prob edit this if anyone sees it but hey if anyone wants to add me feel free

my profile url is https://spacehey.com/jiggly

[4nanas06]

oh also i figured out my like orientation too

im definitely some form of asexual, im demiromantic and im panromantic and agender!!

[4nanas06]

ooh update major one too

met this pretty guy and hes super sweet but then he turned out to be like lowkey an addict and also had a really bad money spending problem so constantly broke (not shaming) but idk how id have been able to deal with paying for stuff all the time and then he dropped me for a white guy? didnt know u were gay but get it

then met another pretty guy and hes very sweet still seeing where it goes, i started counselling again so hell yeah, lookin into geting an occupational therapist or possible diagnosis for literally anything happening rn

my eating has gotten super bad and ive def lost a lot of weight but its okay because im gonna try and bulk cause i lowkey need it for gym too but gods my appetite is so small

oh and ive started reading jojos bizzare adventures cause the guy likes it so i wanted to read some cause when he described the first three like chapters it seemed super interesting

[4nanas06]

right so fun fact turns out i had crazy bad tonsillitis and my migraines are chronic and this is my first week since then that i havent had a migraine!!

my throat is so sore i can feel it swelling from the outside im so sick and i have a migraine and a fever and a runny and blocked nose

[4nanas06]

WOWIE WOW AWOOGA OLD MAN

the queen of the disco or whatever

[4nanas06]

my throat is so sore i can feel it swelling from the outside im so sick and i have a migraine and a fever and a runny and blocked nose

[4nanas06]

i love loving girls but sometimes i wonder maybe im lying

like i can appreciate attractive men right, id never date one, maybe thats preference or mayb im just actually a lesbian

im asexual

i have male related trauma

maybe im not a lesbian? but i love girls. maybe thats the autism? as in i as a girl prefer girls over guys since to me girls are so cool but guys are eh so ive always befriended guys easier than girls but not in a pick me way im literally just autistic

like.. i care ab a girls opinion, but not a mans, so being friends w him is easier cs i dont have to worry ab masking

but maybe thats me being gay?

[4nanas06]

is this what it means to be a girl? i hope it isn't. i hope i can let myself be glad one day. maybe not soon, but later.. in the future, possibly.

i hope my brain finishes developing and i finally see that the crippling loneliness ive felt since i was a little girl didnt mean id be forever doomed.

i hope i get to find someone to help me prove she's worth loving. she's just a little girl who wants a friend.

[4nanas06]

loneliness follows me like a shadow and fear like a breeze, doubt seeps out of my pores, and anger rots my bones brittle.

[4nanas06]

i love my friends ☹️☹️ like i love them so much

[4nanas06]

i genuinely feel like miserable

no matter what i do im anxious or stressed or feeling like i may throw up

any good moments in life feel like the best ever and any lows feel like the worst ever, ill feel at my lowest and highest all in the course of a week and i dont thibk thats normal

anytime i have an arguement with my mum tho its just so much worse like my resort is always okay how do i off myself

like how do i make her miserable the same way she makes me miserable

(and no this isnt me being ungrateful or dramatic, shes been essentially the cause of everything wrong with me mentally, i only have anxiety because of her, i only have an ED because of her and im only depressed because of her, shes the reason i wanted to die so young and so on and so forth, i cba going into details, not that anyone is gonna read this tbh but still)

i dont know what it is like one second ill be fine and the next ill feel so violent for no reason, i hate everyone yet i love loving everything. everything i do or feel harshly contradicts to what ive said or felt before

also i feel like i see a lot of my mum in me which makes it so much harder to like myself when i absolutely despise her

i feel like i may have autism and then some sort of personality disorder, based off what my mum ends up having

she either has bod or npd cause yeah shes a narcissist but also shes shown so many signs of bpd while i was growing up

and undiagnosed autism and also neglect cam both lead to bpd, and so im like wondering if i shd see my go and go forward with a possible diagnosis or smth, cs i know they take forever so idk

[4nanas06]

i feel fucking horrible

i feel like everyone currently in my life sort of hates me? like yeah theyve not said anything but that doesnt change the fact that i dont feel loved or wanted unless i am the one who initiates an interaction and even then i have to keep up a very very positive energy or theyll drop it and slowly drift out of the conversation until i have to wait days for a single reply

just for it to be a three word answer

[4nanas06]

i love when something i always say rubs off on people

basically this friend of mine ive only known since september so like 7 months started saying

love to see it cause i always say it and shes started texting like me too but not all of it theres just little bits here and there like i say js instead of typing out just and now she does too

and anytime we go sleep i say dot die and she says ill try and i reply with not to and now shes started doing it too and i love it

its so fun when people pick up on little things u say

[4nanas06]

i had covid which is insane to be honest, ive had it 4 times before and then got it a fifth time now years later, i could barely breathe idky this time was sm worse??

my health used to be so good and i was rarely sick and now its just BAM sick sick sick

[4nanas06]

SHES SO CJDBDJWB

HAHHA WE SPENT ALL DAY TOGETHER YESTERDAY AND IT WAS SO FUN AND

HER FACE IS SO LOVELY

WE TOOK 0.5× PHOTOS HHAHA