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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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𝙻𝚊 𝚅𝚒𝚎 𝚎𝚗 𝚁𝚘𝚜𝚎

I siriusly don't know why I've chosen now to fall back into my marauders phase, mais c'est la vie...

(see what I did there?)

I've taken French for literally five years, (I'm nowhere near fluent tho) so I have no idea why it's taken me so long to incorporate it into my writing.

In all honesty, I'm doing great mentally, but I've been pining for some wolfstar! x reader angst, and I haven't really found any that meet my fancy yet soooooo.

Fine I'll do it myself.

Summary: You were a hopeless romantic who had always tended to see things through rose colored glasses, falling in love with the idea of falling in love. Each new infatuation came to you like a fascination ready to be explored, there was nothing you loved more than the head-games of an all consuming crush. That was until, the latest object of attraction became two boys so incredibly and viscerally out of your reach.

Warnings: Angst! (like a lot), Unrequited love, fluff for a mere second, tbh I feel like it is funny at moments???

Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!

Enjoy <3

———–

It had all been fun and games, it never really mattered, until it did.

It was no secret, to your family, your friends, and least of all you. You loved falling in love.

Bi-monthly, and sometimes depending on the circumstance, bi-weekly you waltzed into the Gryffindor common room with a new tale of budding romance to share with your friends. And they'd just look at you and smile,

"Ah, our (Y/N), ever the helpless romantic." they'd say, all the while you'd confirm their statements with a blush or grin.

It was harmless, innocent, you had made quite the reputation for yourself around Hogwarts.

Anyone who got involved with you knew your tendencies, that your heart could change pace like the seasons came and went. Each boy and girl you set your sights on was like a new game of chess for your dazzling beauty and quick wits to conquer.

Which, you knew in retrospect sounded terrible, but you also knew you were young, and that relationships and love should be something to explore, not something to hold you down.

Besides, it wasn't like they didn't mean anything to you, you felt heartbreak when it was said and done with. To you, the growth and rebirth that came with romance was something equally as beautiful as the summits and triumphs.

You had a sneaking suspicion, that if the Greeks and Romans were right about their gods, you had to have been under Aphrodite's watchful eye.

Coming up on your last year of Hogwarts, you had become unbeatable. You had captured so many suitors, there were even lingering rumors of Veela tainting your blood.

Of course, they were all false, though, you'd never tell anyone otherwise. Because, what fun would that be?

You had at least one crash-and-burn love story from every house to tell, it even got to the point that people were courting you with the intention of "taming" your rampage.

Never, had there been a crush you couldn't bounce back from, no matter how close to breaking you came, you never did.

That was until you just had to go and viciously fuck yourself over.

Your thoroughly used vinyl of La Vie en Rose echoed through your dorm room as it spun for what might've been the millionth time, lyrics serving as a cruel jab toward your current situation.

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,

You hadn't meant for it turn to out this way. For the first time in your entire life, there you sat, face stuffed into your pillow, wishing to Merlin that your heart could just bleed out of your chest.

Maybe then, it wouldn't be something you'd have to deal with, and you could forget about the prospect of falling in love together.

Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,

It wasn't too late at all, it was just after dinner, and the rest of your dorm mates had cleared to the common room to celebrate the winning quidditch match that had transpired hours earlier.

On any usual occasion, you'd been down there with them, curled up on the couch next to Lilly, Mary, or Marlene, sipping rum-infused butter beer in content.

Instead, you were curled up alone, bathed in the dim light of your bedside candle, shivering from the cold.

Your blanket had fallen half down your body nearly fifteen minutes ago, and yet, the last thing on your mind was pulling it back up.

Voila le portrait sans retouches,

You had made some lame excuse as to why you would be exempt from tonight's actives, claiming you wanted to brush up on your divination for the exam at the end of the week.

Everyone had bought it, too high on youthful excitement and laughter to stop once more and examine the dark circles under your eyes.

De l'homme auquel j'appartiens,

As you stuffed your face further into the cotton pillowcase, you desperately wished the ground would open up and take you somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere you could forget that you existed, so you could stop feeling like such a horrible human being.

Your mind had been clouded with buzzing jumbled thoughts for what felt like hours, never ceasing to give you a moment to rest. You surely thought your ears would start bleeding from how hard you had been thinking all day.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras,

You had now reached a point, with your uniform discarded haphazardly on the floor, and the sleep shirt you garnered swallowing you whole, where your brain had become filled with white noise.

The only coherent thought you could form right now, was how the hell did I get here?

Il me parle l'a tout bas,

Which of course, led you back into a rabbit hole of memories.

Je vois,

la vie en rose...

The infirmary's visiting hours were long over, the only company you had to keep was the first year who had fallen out of a tree that was sleeping in the cot next to you.

You should've been fast asleep by now, but you couldn't bring yourself to count a single sheep.

You weren't there for any real injury, a prank the boys had pulled a few hours earlier had backfired, and you had gotten the brunt of their mistake.

What was supposed to be a "pimple-inducing glitter rocket" (you had no idea how they got so creative) headed straight for Severus Snape, was quickly dogged by the intended victim, and who else was so lucky to be standing a few feet behind him, but you?

After a quick potion, you were fine, but you felt a little nauseous from the drink, and a little woozy from all the excitement, so you decided to stay there for the night.

A decision you were vastly regretting, as it was coming up on midnight and you had absolutely nothing to do.

You had resorted to trying to write a letter to a boy you broke up with two days prior, he had left on quite a sour note, and truthfully you felt a bit awful for him.

It wasn't necessarily his fault, like many prior partners, you'd just grown uninterested. You figured you should at least leave him a note apologizing for the entire ordeal, even if it did get left in the bin.

That would've been great and all, only, you had no bloody idea what to write.

This had to have been the fourth page of parchment you had crumbled up and discarded next to you. With the thin sheet from the hospital bed drawn over you, you sat dumbfounded, cross-legged with a small, pink, dancing flame next to your quill.

You had started writing the beginning sentence, but then again, nothing came to mind after that. Your regularly admired face was scrunched up deep in thought, your nightgown slipping down one shoulder as you held the feather deep in concentration.

You re-read what you already had, and decided to just follow up with whatever came to mind. Perhaps, you were thinking too hard.

After much consideration, you began writing once more,

"I'm sorry I got bored of you-" scratch. Nope, that was dreadful, this was a lost cause, and you were wretched.

You huffed dismally, with no regard for the boy sleeping only a few feet away, and just as you prepared to snuff the light out, and try to achieve some shut-eye, you heard it.

You heard the door to the hospital wing slowly squeak open.

You paused, who would be coming in at this hour?

You turned to the small flame dancing on the candle seated next to you and snuffed it with a pinch before grabbing your wand which was next to it.

"Lumos." You whispered, as a small orb of light spouted from the end of your wand, you dragged the sheet off your form.

You looked around the hospital wing, from the dozing first year to the grand windows that lined both walls, and finally, to the door.

Though open, no one besides you and the boy seemed to be in the room.

But you were raised by wizards and were best friends with the most ruthless tricksters Hogwarts had ever seen, so you know better than to glance only at surface level.

Slowly, you turned and lowered your feet onto the cold stone floor.

As you tip-toed around your bed, eyes squinting and wand raised high, you spoke aloud.

"Who's there?" Apart from the echo of your voice, and the murmurs from the boy next to you who stirred slightly, silence.

You stepped forward a few more paces so that you were in the center of the room.

"Show yourself!" You spoke slightly louder and turned in all directions as if hoping to catch any movement.

Nothing.

You sighed, perhaps you were just a lunatic, and the door had blown open on its own. You turned to walk back to your bed, and just as you took one step, you were interrupted by what nearly made you shit yourself.

"Hello, dear."

A voice cut through the air next to you, and you screamed on pure instinct.

Well, you would've, if not for the hand shooting out of the darkness to cover your mouth. You swung your wand in the direction of your assailant and were met with a sight completely unexpected.

Remus Lupin's big brown eyes, illuminated by your wand stared back at you. Or rather, down at you.

The significantly taller boy was heaving, his ruffled oaky hair falling slightly in his face, which held an expression that suggested you had scared him. The light traced his scars, and his large, cut-covered hand closed around almost the whole bottom half of your face.

You couldn't help but think; how pretty Remus Lupin looked at that moment.

He gulped, a smile tugging at his lips as his expression shifted into one of slight amusement, "Alright love, I'm going to remove my hand now, and you are going to promise me you won't scream at us."

His voice was a soft whisper and reminded you of the rocky seashore you used to visit every summer with your parents when you were little.

It sent a shiver down your spine, had it always had that effect?

You then reconsidered his wording, Us? Your eyes shifted to his right, and there you were met with an even more surprising sight.

Sirius Black stood with one hand in his pocket, and the other clenching James Potter's invisibility cloak.

"Of course." You thought.

He stood with an air of relaxation like he always did. His annoyingly beautiful face was drawn in mirth, though far more sheening than Remus'.

His brows were raised, and his eyes regarded your appearance with what could only be described as mischief, as a feathery strand of his rebellious raven hair dipped between his eyes.

He winked at you after you had seemed to stare for a little too long, causing you to snap out of your bewilderment, and look back to Remus, who remained rooted in the same spot looking at you expectantly.

You nodded at him, holding his gaze, which seemed far too intense for a boy his age. For whatever reason, he nodded back.

He removed his hand, and just as he did, you swatted it away and stepped back.

"What in Merlin's name are you both doing here?! You scared the hell out of me!" You whisper-shouted at the pair. The two boys smiled youthfully at you in response.

Sirius finally swaggered forward, and past you, not refraining from brushing against you as he did. He turned and plopped down on your bed, discarding James' cloak next to him.

In his natural air of arrogance, he leaned back on his palms and lolled his head to the side, grinning up at you.

"We thought our girl could use some company, didn't we Moony?"

Against your better judgment, you rolled your eyes and swayed to look at Remus, who remained smiling down at you.

Annoyingly, a smile of your own made its way onto your face.

It was no secret that out of the group you, Sirius, and Remus were close in a way that the others weren't.

I mean, of course, the boys, and you and the girls would always be close in your respective ways, but for some reason, you three just seemed to click in a weird, and almost perfect way.

It wasn't like they called any other girl in the friend group "their girl", and it wasn't like you'd go through the animagus process for just anyone.

Remus bit his tongue, his eyes flickered from Sirius', and back to yours before he nodded once more.

Suddenly, he pulled his wand from his pocket and lit a candle on a bedside table across the room, so that your wand could be lowered and placed gingerly in the pocket of your nightgown.

As he returned his wand to his pocket all the same, he stepped forward and took both your hands in his own, swinging them back and forth idly, "Yeah, that and we wanted to apologize again for being the reason you're in here in the first place."

"Even though it was James' idea to begin with!" Sirius' voice beckoned from behind you.

Remus shot him a glare over your head before looking back down at you and rolling his eyes, swiping his thumb gently across the back of your hand, "Yes," he droned begrudgingly, "even though."

You bit your bottom lip while grinning in an attempt to conceal the laughter rising in your throat.

You released one of his hands, still gripping the other as you spun yourself around and face Sirius, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed.

You couldn't help the content sigh that escaped your lips as you regarded the look of merriment and genuineness that graced Sirius' face.

You took turns looking between both boys before saying, "Consider yourselves forgiven, though I have a feeling that wasn't the only thing you came for."

"You'd be right to assume, Lovebug," Remus responded. Another thing, there wasn't a soul on the planet save for Remus and Sirius who called you Lovebug.

It was a title fashioned for your romantic tendencies, and it suited you quite well.

Sirius suddenly hopped to a stand, before taking his wand to poke the sleeping boy's foot ever so slightly, "We are taking you to the astronomy tower, to watch the crescent moon." He said nonchalantly, you scoffed in disbelief.

"Right now? But Sirius I'm in a bloody nightgown, not to mention barefoot, and all my things-"

You were cut off by Remus, whose arms had suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, "Relax darling, we'll have you back before the sun rises, maybe we'll even take your things and you back to the dorm where you belong."

You chuffed, "But-"

"As for the nightgown and lack of shoes, we can assure you, love, you look absolutely smashing in it, and have cute enough feet for it not to be too grotesque." Sirius winked.

You sighed and tried to ignore the light blush that settled across your cheeks, drowned out by the darkness.

You groaned petulantly like a child as you struggled to come up with a counterpoint, and leaned into Remus' lankily muscular build.

"C'mon Darling, it's your favorite moon cycle, and we know you must be bored to tears."

You froze as Remus' smooth voice resonated against the shell of your ear, his breath fanning over you slightly.

It was then you became aware of just how dipped in his scent you were, it completely engulfed you, the smell of pinewood, candle wax, and parchment.

You cleared your throat, before Sirius interjected once more, "Evidently, by the literary devices she's turned to to cope."

Your eyes widened, as your headshot over to Sirius, who had now grabbed and held the parchment you had forgotten you left on your bed.

His hair created a curtain around his face as he leaned over to read it, still though you could make out the shit-eating grin on his face as he did so.

"Dear Callum, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from at the moment, but I'm sorry I got bored of you-" He read aloud in a high-pitched voice before he broke down into laughter.

You wrenched out of Remus' hold before surging forward and snatching the paper from his hand and shoving him slightly.

"Give me that you oaf!" You hissed lowly.

He snicked and pulled you into a hug, "Oh come now, you know I'm only joking lovely, please don't leave me! I promise never to bore you!" He sang, you elbowed him in rebuttal.

"Alright, fine! FINE! I will go, will you stop it now?!" You snapped, his laughter eventually died down as he hummed and looked down at you.

You craned your neck to meet his gaze, "Ah, knew you'd come around Lovebug, right then off we go!" He announced before spinning you and setting you down on the ground.

You watched as he practically skipped over to Remus, before grabbing the boy by the jaw and pulling him into a simple kiss.

Yet another symbol of your closeness, you were one of the only ones who knew that the two were more than just friends.

Remus hummed before returning the kiss and pulling away.

Sirius leaned into his neck, "Told you she'd come around Moony."

Remus licked his lips and gave you a half-lidded once over, not even he could contain the dim beam that spread across his face.

"Course she did, she's our girl after all." He mused.

In an instant, the smile dropped from your face.

It was then, for the first time in a long time, you felt something. Like a punch in the gut, one that you knew familiarly, but not to this extent.

The air in your lungs seemed to leave you all at once, as a cold hotness spread over you.

Your vision began to tunnel, as your ears filled with wind, and you became all too aware of the sweat that coated your palms.

"No," you thought, "no way."

Your heartbeat quickened, and you desperately hoped that with Remus' advanced senses, he couldn't hear it.

There was no way this was happening, not to you, not right now.

It was such a simple sentence, one you were sure he and Sirius had uttered to you before, so why did it ignite this feeling in you?

Why, did you have to have such a reaction, and why now?

You wiped the sweat that sprouted from your palms on your nightgown and could feel some new form on the nape of your neck.

It felt as though the air of comfortability from earlier had evaporated, replaced with a thick blanket of awkwardness and anxiety, at least on your part.

The boys you had leaned into so carelessly before, had now become the two people you wanted to be furthest from.

You knew this feeling, you knew what it was, and normally, you'd welcome it like an old friend. But not this time, not for them.

Why, did it have to be them?

"(Y/N)" Sirius' question shook you from your state of silent panic. You blinked and swallowed a thick glob of your saliva.

"Yeah?" Your voice was far less even than it had been a second ago, it wavered and shook much without you meaning it to.

The boys looked at you with confusion drawn over their expressions, "You ready to go?" Remus said as if you were some dimwitted puppy.

Your eyelids flickered, and you took a deep breath. "Yeah, sorry, I just zoned out, must be the after-effects of the potion." You lied through your teeth.

They nodded at you, still seeming suspicious of your behavior but not questioning the matter further.

Each boy extended a hand, and you almost let out a shattered sigh as you slowly stepped forward and took each hand in your own.

As you three began walking to the door, and you plastered a smile on your face, you began to hear your voice screaming inside your head.

In an instant, you knew what you had done.

You'd just gone and fallen in love with two boys you knew you couldn't have.

That exchange had transpired a week ago, and ever since then, you'd been spiraling.

You felt hot tears gather in your eyes as you recounted it redundantly. In your mind, there were layers to how fucked up this was.

You can't like two people at once, that's utterly selfish. You berated yourself, especially since those two people are dating each other, not to mention two boys! Not to mention even more two boys that just so happen to be your best friends!

You groaned as you rubbed your temples, blinking back the tears.

Any logical, normal person would've taken the high road, and just silently waited until this infatuation passed.

But as you were reminded incessantly, you were the furthest from logical, or normal.

The longer you lingered with this knowledge, the more unbearable it became.

Every moment you spent trying not to think about Sirius or Remus, was another moment in which your little crush turned into a full-blown obsession.

At first, you had resigned to pretending as if nothing was amiss, forcing smiles and hoping they couldn't tell. But every day you felt your resolve weakening, and so as of today, you had completely avoided them at all costs.

Then, you just had to let your friends drag you to that stupid quidditch match.

You had managed to sit as far from Remus as possible and tried to push through through the awkwardness, which worked for awhile, and then the world had to go and give you another slap in the face.

After James had caught the snitch, you were dealt the misfortune of locking eyes with Sirius, who, high on excitement as he was, decided to beam at you, and blow you a fucking kiss.

Damn Sirius Black for being the natural flirt he was, and damn his stupidly perfect face.

You knew in hindsight it was just Sirius being Sirius, he was head over heels for Remus.

It's not like he knew how much he made your heart flutter from that simple act alone.

But the side effects of it were damning, and whilst you got by with averting eye contact and keeping to yourself for the walk back to the castle, you refused to risk a much more obvious reaction given the boys pull anything else.

You sighed, again, as you shut your eyes and listened to the last lyric that played from your vinyl.

Et, dès que je l'apercois, alors je sens en moiI, mon coeur qui bat...

You bit the inside of your cottoned mouth, and gulped sending a sting down your dry throat.

Your favorite song was beginning to sound like torture every time you translated its meaning in your head.

Yes, you thought bitterly, I see life through rose-colored glasses, and look where that's got me now.

Finally, you opened your eyes. God, your side of the dorm was a mess, Lily was going to kill you.

Not that it wouldn't be deserved, you shot at yourself.

With all the remaining strength in your body, you pushed yourself off your bed. The needle on your record player had finally reached the center of the vinyl, meaning it was time for you to get up and move it again.

As your feet landed on the cold floor, you winced, rolling your ankles to re-attune your body to movement.

After a moment you stood, not missing the blackness that pinched at your view from your lightheaded state. You began to walk across the room, ignoring the cries that sounded from your locked joints.

Your brain felt fuzzy, and your movements were reduced to emotionless and empty.

You stopped in front of the table on which your record player sat, and lifted a weak, trembling hand to the needle.

And as you picked up, and moved it to the edge, allowing the song to replay once more, you heard the startling sound of the door creaking open.

You didn't bother to look at her, instead, you closed your eyes and inhaled in preparation for what was to come.

"Godrick, (Y/N) the room's a mess, what have you been doing all this time?!"

Lily's maternal croon should've at least offered a morsel of comfort, and yet, all it did was cause more tears to sting the corners of your eyes.

Your ears filled with ocean sounds as Lily began to parade around the room, picking up all your discarded articles of clothing, too lost in her own ramblings to notice the air of gloom that hung over you.

You bit your lip as you shut your eyes tightly, trying desperately to keep any more tears from running freely down your rosy cheeks.

Lily had this way about her, she was too comforting, too emotion-invoking.

You wished she would've just stayed downstairs for one more hour, at least then you would've more had time to collect yourself.

But she didn't, she was here, and she was going to witness you in the state that you were; raw, terrified, and utterly humiliated.

Your mind had turned into a wind tunnel of thoughts and feelings, preventing you from noticing how Lily had halted her movements and slighted her gaze to your now shaking form.

"(Y/N)? Lovie? Are you alright?"

You opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling for one moment, teeth biting down harder on your trembling lip.

Finally, you turned and met her head-on.

Lily gasped in spite of herself, "Oh, Y/N." she whispered, brows stitched in worry, emerald eyes widening.

Before you could blink, she was on you. Lean arms enclosing your figure, one placed comfortingly behind your head, the other wrapped around your waist.

"Darling, what's happened?" Her soft voice resonated in your ear.

You couldn't bring yourself to respond, burrowing your head in her shoulder, shaking it slightly.

Your arms had returned the embrace tenfold, hands grasping her sweater tightly like she was the only thing in the universe holding you together at that moment.

Before you could stop yourself, soft hiccups began to escape you, and it was then, as Lily pulled away and began to wipe at the wetness under your eyes, you realized, you had to tell her.

You allowed yourself to be guided to her side of the room and sat down on her plush, quilted bed.

Blinking through tears you tried to focus on Lilly's concerned face, as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and took your hand.

"Y/N, please, tell me what's the matter." Lily begged quietly as she smoothed her thumb over the back of your hand.

The moonlight from the window above her bed was nearly the only thing that illuminated the space around you, sheening on your variability, and exposing your flaws.

Your eyes flickered as you took a deep breath and attempted to collect your thoughts, and organize them into something, anything, clear enough to be spoken aloud.

"I..." Your voice quietly resonated, coarse and croaky from hours of wailing and weeping. You fought against the tightness in your throat, encouraged by Lily's soft eyes, and comforting presence.

After a moment, you cleared your throat and tried again.

You began with a sigh, focusing on the way Lily smelled of vanilla, allowing her scent to calm your flurrying mind.

"Lily," you said, much quieter this time, "I've done something terrible."

Lily's brows furrowed once more, in confusion this time. "What can you mean?" she replied, ever inquisitive and eager.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, here it goes.

You gripped her hand like it was your lifeline, "I've..." you paused.

"I've fallen in love again."

Quiet settled over the room, blanketing the two girls.

Lily blinked, face going blank.

Before she could stop herself, a snort escaped from her mouth. Her demeanor of worry was now replaced with one of disbelief and wry amusement.

"You must be joking, seriously (Y/N)? That's all this is about? another silly little fling?" She teased, now finding this entire situation utterly ironic.

You huffed, frustration becoming your face. "No," You interjected, voice strained and tight.

"It's not- God, it's not that I've fallen in love again, it's with who!"

Lily raised a brow, squinting, lip quirking. "Right then," she teased, "Tell me, who is the soul lucky enough to hold your affections?"

You were glaring and lifting yourself off the bed in an instant. Bitterness bitting at your tongue.

"Forget it." You bit.

Lily sighed and grasped your hand before you could get even two steps. "(Y/N)," she groaned in defeat, feeling instant guilt as more tears glided down your chin.

"I'm sorry, that was cruel of me. You can tell me, and I won't make fun of you."

You eyed the redhead suspiciously, "Promise?" You quipped. Lily smiled, "Promise."

You bit the inside of your cheek and returned to your spot on the bed.

You huffed and picked away at some of the skin around your fingernails anxiously. "You really promise not to judge?" you mumbled, looking up at her through your wet lashes.

Lily nodded, "I promise lovie, you can tell me." her smile was the reassurance you needed, but it didn't lessen the ache in your heart.

You shut your eyes, annoyed at the feeling of more tears gushing down your neck.

You covered your face in your palms, before admitting out loud the confession you'd been reckoning with for days.

"I fucked up," you said through tears as you lifted your eyes to meet Lily's, "I've fallen in love with Remus Lupin," you watched Lily's eyes turn into saucers, "And, Sirius fucking Black."

In any other situation, you would've laughed at how Lily's jaw fell open, but this was no laughing matter. Her hand flew to hover above her mouth, and for the first time in all that you've known her, Lily Evans had been rendered speechless.

And you, were growing more anxious by the moment. Tears were now fully cascading down your face, sobs and hiccups wrenching from your throat.

"Say something!" You begged, her silence was making you feel worse by the second.

Lily jumped, broken out of her state of shock. She closed and open her mouth, trying to find the right words, before she so eloquently settled on,

"Merlin's fuck, (Y/N)."

You cried harder if that was even possible.

"I know, I know, it's horrible isn't it?" You whined.

After a week of keeping this all bottled up, it was now all coming crashing down on you.

You felt your heart ripping at the seams, in such a short period of time, these boys had suddenly had the most magnifying attraction you had felt.

You felt so utterly stupid, had you always liked them? Did it just so happen that that fateful night was your moment of realization?

Either way, neither explanation lessened your suffocating distress.

As you let your head fall into your hands, Lily grabbed your shoulders, rubbing them up and down encouragingly.

"Well, I won't lie to you sweetheart, it doesn't look amazing." She winced, resolving to pull your sobbing body to hers, wrapping her arms around you once more.

Lily knew the weight of this situation, because she knew Remus and Sirius, more especially, the relationship the two shared.

"When did you find this out?" She asked softly.

You sniffed, "A week ago, I think? Oh Merlin, maybe I've always known but was never ready to admit it to myself."

Lily sighed thoughtfully, before replying. "Well, do you want to tell them?"

You thought for a moment, before shaking your head in defeat.

"It's no use Lils, even in my wildest dreams, they're out of my reach. I can't have them, and the fact that I even want them makes me feel like the biggest arsehole in the world."

Lily stayed quiet as you continued your rant, allowing you to verbalize all the feelings that had been festering in your heart.

"Godrick, they're so perfect for each other, it's almost unreal. You've seen them together, they look as if they were made for each other. Not only that, but they fought so hard for the right to be together. And who the hell am I to come in here and even consider ruining that? I must be the most selfish girl in the world."

You felt your heart break a little more with each word, but you couldn't stop yourself, you had to let these thoughts surface.

"They trusted me," you sobbed, "every deep, grimy secret that they had no obligation to share, they trusted me enough to tell. All they've ever wanted from me was a friend, someone to be their home, and now I've gone and ruined it."

"You don't know that-" Lily tried, but you interrupted before she could even finish the sentence.

"Yes, I do! You know how I get Lily, even about simple crushes they become all I can think about. I will not be able to stop thinking about them, and every single time they feel comfortable enough to be affectionate in front of me, I'll break all over again."

Finally, you paused and took a deep breath.

"There is absolutely no situation in which this can turn out alright for me."

Lily felt her heartache for you as she assessed the sheer pain in your voice.

However, this situation was difficult, because she had to consider Remus and Sirius' well-being too.

She tapped a finger on the bare skin of your arm. "You know what I think?" She finally said.

You lifted your head and met her calculating eyes with your own. "What?" you asked pathetically.

Lily rotated her jaw, "I think, that this situation is much bigger than you or I, so before we go making blind assumptions, we need to let Remus and Sirius speak for themselves."

She paused, "(Y/N), I know you're scared, but you have to tell them."

You inhaled deeply, eyes flickering with fear.

You were scared, terrified actually. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized what you had known all this time.

Lily was right, they needed to know.

You couldn't just disappear from their lives without giving them a floor to speak their peace, it wasn't right.

Doing that, you decided, would truly be the cruelest thing you could possibly do.

You huffed, before blinking away the last of your tears and taking a moment to wipe the mess off your face.

Lily sat and watched you as you began to collect yourself, leaning on her own arm for support.

After a moment, when you felt as though you were moderately put together, you shook your hands out and breathed deeply for that last time.

You looked to Lily, there were still a million questions you wished could be answered, but for tonight, as you checked the clock and saw it was coming up on 1:00 A.M., you settled for just one.

"Do you think they realize I've been avoiding them?" You cringed.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

"(Y/N) (L/N), you open this door right now, or so help me Merlin, I will blow it down!" Sirius' muffled yell sounded from the other side of the aged wood.

Then, Remus chimed in. "You know he'll do it love, so there's no use in fighting."

You froze, and for a moment as Lily's expression turned into that of a deer in headlights, you thought maybe the whole universe froze with you.

Your blood ran cold as they continued raving about their usual nonsense, and as you saw the door handle rattle, you and Lily finally spoke in unison.

"Oh, fuck."

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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“What vibes do you want a dark romance fic to give?”

Me: “……”

This:

Many like to say; “You’ll know if a man truly loves you, if he looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars.” I disagree, when my man looks at me, it is if he is looking at the moon and the stars. As if I am some painting of the renaissance in a big city museum, and he’s an art major from somewhere small. Like I’m the single still standing flower in a decimated waste land, a drop of water in the dessert. His love is bruising, and the purple splotches he brandishes my heart with remind me i’m still alive. Gone is the wish of a pure childhood romance, he is no knight in shinning armor, he is a dragon and I am his glistening jewel. He wishes to devour me, not a taste, but a feast. Where he is a rabid beast, I am a rabbit, naive and ready for the taking. In a macabre picturesque sense, he’s the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, and I tell him as such while he pulls my hair and leaves me in tears. He holds my hands like he wants to break them, kisses my cheeks with his teeth, and loves me with my wrists pinned above my head. If we were any two things other than what we are now, I’d be a pack of camels, and he’d be a crippling addict. We know we are pretentious, and every time an innocent soul reminds us of the fact, he smiles. It is terrifying. When I am harmed by another, I watch as the sheen of a knife being sharpened gleams in his eyes, and I am flush with mellowing obsession. He gives me a raincoat to keep me dry while he splatters the blood of whomever dares to hurt me, he’s a gentleman in that way. I dont pretend not to grin from ear to ear as I wrap his torn knuckles, I can’t, not when he looks at me the way he does. In a fit of scalding rage, I scream that he’s just like his father. I say it because I know how much he hates his father, and evidently that’ll mean he’ll fuck me with no restraint later, long after we’ve made up, as a punishment for my harsh truths. He doesn’t look for me in a crowded room, he waits on the roof until i’m done pretending to be normal. Sex decorates our living room, it smells on the couch, kitchen counter, and bed, we breath each other in nightly to remind ourselves why the wars we face everyday is worth it. He preens when my pleasure brings with it sobs and begging, and I love the scratches that adorn his back. I am impaired with pity every time I am reminded no one else in the world will ever experience the maelstrom we have built from ruin. Where others refer to their ladies as “gorgeous” he smiles gauntly, and calls me “hauntingly beautiful.” I wouldn’t dream in my darkest hour of having it any other way.

Yo straight up, drop recs below while I re-charge my writing brain.

#dark romance #gothic romance #writing smut #writer #female writers #author #short poem #short writing #romance aesthetic #victorian #dark fantasy #enimies to lovers

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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Merciless Devotion

Finally finished the first chapter of my HOTD fic!!!

I am only gonna be updating on Ao3 because these chapters a SUPER long and the format just doesn't really work for Tumblr.

However I'm uploading the summary as well as some of the first chapter here and the link to my Ao3 for those interested!

Also ya'll better not give me shit for my username I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY OKAY?

Details listed below:

Pairing: Fem!Targaryen!Oc x Aemond Targaryen. (It may come off as an X Aaegon at first but it is NOT)

Summary:

It was a dark and bloodied secret, one shrouded by girlish pain, and a longing for something that many believed could never have been; Rhaenyra Targaryen had always wanted a daughter.

By the time of her 17th nameday, Visenya Targaryen is know to Westeros as a dragon forged from blood. As a girl she is the very essence of joy and mischief, as a woman she is scorned and broken. Aemond Targaryen knows he shouldn't want her, and she hates herself for wanting him. For wanting the man that would one day kill her brother. They are both well aware of their limitations, but in the throws of war and desire they care to uphold them with same amount of strength as a string about to snap.

Warnings: General 18+ smutty shenanigans happen later, but all the specific warnings are on my Ao3.

Enjoy this little snip. <3

--- --- ---

Full chapter available here.

It was a dark and bloodied secret, one shrouded by girlish pain, and a longing for something that many believed could never have been; Rhaenyra Targaryen had always wanted a daughter.

When she was a girl, and would fly on the back of Syrax all day, and feast on candied fruits all night, it was a sister she yearned for. That was before, before her father had selfishly droven her mother to the stranger all for his plight for a rightful heir.

Before she was forced to call her best friend mother, and before she realized that the life of luxury given by her forefathers was a pit of snakes disguised as dragons.

As a woman grown, with the world praying nightly for her downfall, all due to the sex that sat between her legs, she wished in a different style.

There were few women in her life she could call friends, even less she could call family. She wished for a girl that would love her unconditionally. A girl who would sit still, and let Rhaenyra braid her hair, and fill her ears with the words she wished her father had been brave enough to tell her. And selfishly in her own right, she wanted nothing more than to watch the bastards of Westeros weep, as their lady queen named another woman heir.

Through anguish and sacrifice, through perseverance and damage, she would attain her wish. And even then, she would come to learn its pay off would have its challenges.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Screaming painted the walls of the Red Keep the night Visenya Velaryon drew her first breath.

The maesters and ladymaids alike flurried around the birthing chamber as Rhaenyra roared. Many would recount that it was not unlike that of a dragon.

Rheanrya was a young mother, not as young as her stepmother had been when she birthed her brother Aegon, but young regardless. Visenya’s birth alone nearly killed her, and Rhaenrya herself was convinced it would have, if the gods hadn’t willed it so.

There was intention behind Visenya’s namesake, in a faroff past, it had been what Rhaenrya had wanted to name a sister. Her reasoning changed with age, at first she gave worship to Visenya’s name because she wanted a warrior, now, she needed a queen.

When she heard the word “girl” uttered in regards to her baby's sex, she wept even harder from the joy alone. That joy didn’t diminish, not even when she laid eyes on her, and realized Visenya would be like no other child.

Visenya Velaryon, had the skin and face of her mother, it was her hair that drew a gasp from her Rhaenyra's lips.

Not only was Visenya given hair as dark as a certain Strong lord, but the front chunk of which framed the left side of her face, was silver as steel.

That day forth, she was dubbed a freak by many who’d never dare say it to her face. A twisted combination of dragon and warrior, with pointed blue eyes, and a rouge smirk.

Straight from birth, she had a pit of enemies. She was under a year younger than her aunt, Princess Haelena. And to her Uncle Aegon, whom was two years her senior, she was a direct threat.

Even as a toddler he was reminded of that fact daily, whether it be by his mother, or his grandfather. They were conditioning him, training him to hate the little girl who might one day become her mother’s heir.

And yet, when he stood over her cradle that same night, and peered at the babe no bigger than a bear cub who laid next to a scalding dragon egg, he felt differently.

Unlike many other newborns, she peered up at him with an almost unsettling focus, blue eyes clashing with violet ones. It was that same moment a seed in Aegon’s heart would plant, that would prohibit him from ever truly hating the girl who’s mother wanted his crown.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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Ughhhhh y'all I literally have the final draft for the first chapter ready in my Ao3 drafts but I can't come up with a title for the fic. Like its Targaryen and dark and firey but also the MC is a badass with trauma who is really funny and stupid and UGHHHH nothing comes to mind.

Help PLEASE

I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY HOTD OC, HER NAMES VISENYA, SHE'S UNHINGED, AND I LOVE HER DEARLY.

The quotes below are all things she will say in the fanfic I'm working on, enjoy...

---

“Question my parentage as you please uncle, I can proudly claim my mother isn’t a usurperous cunt who must stand behind her status for protection. Can you?”

"Touch me with those filthy hands one more time, and they will hang on my wall."

"...You are my brother, killing for you is obligatory."

"...For you, I'd burn them all."

"You'd be wise to consider how much you value your life next time you attempt to humiliate the first born daughter of Daemond Targaryen."

"Wondrous speech that was uncle, may I have a go?"

"...I, Visenya Targaryen, second of my name, daughter of Rhaenyra Targaryen and Daemond Targaren, princess of Dragonstone, protecter of women, have heeded your demands, and thus I respond with only three inspiring words. Go. Fuck. Yourself."

"And must I remind you mother, I despise men. The whole lot of them, no matter they be handsome or ugly, rich or poor. Their breath's smell of dragon piss all the same."

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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Okay... I know I JUST dropped some stuff for a HOTD OC, but this Namor fever has completely engulfed my mind... So here's an OC I've created only with the intention to write a Namor Fic.

P.S. She's Arab and French :)

I've already started writing the first part ;-;

#mcu namor #namor imagine #wakanda forever #mcu imagine #fanfic #mcu fandom #black panther 2 #fem oc #black panther wakanda forever #k'uk'ulkan

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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I saw Wakanda Forever a few days a go and I am SO GAME to hop on the Namor train with the rest of you deviants

Sanctuary

Pairing: Namor x Reader

Summary: While spending time in your sanctuary, Namor's latest artwork captures your attention.

Word Count: 1287

A/N: I just can't get this beautiful, stunning, gorgeous man out of my mind so I had to write this. This was meant to be a lot longer, but I hated the flashback so I cut it down to something cute and sweet for now hehe hope y'all enjoyyy! Let ya girl know what you think 🤍

For those who prefer to read on AO3, I’ve also posted it there! 🤍

Sanctuary; protection or a safe place. That’s what Namor’s cavern had become to you over the years. Your sanctuary.

Talokan was beautiful, it was almost unbelievable to see an entire nation built underwater, a sun made of vibranium glowing above Namor’s gilded throne, bringing light to the depths of the ocean. You would gladly spend hours on end just exploring the kingdom, and speaking to locals who initially gawked at you, a surface dweller, swimming through their cities. But this cavern was your safe haven.

A relaxed sigh slipped through your lips, tilting your head back to take in the magnificent art in front of you. You would often find Namor there, painting stories intricately across the walls, splashes of vibrant colors melted together to create a visual history of his world. It was his sanctuary too.

You gently tugged his cloak closer over your shoulders as you stood, stepping closer to the wall and tracing your fingers over the figure which depicted himself, along with the Black Panther, telling the story of the alliance formed with Wakanda. A small smile pulled at the corners of your lips, your eyes trailing to the left where you discovered a more recent painting, a familiar figure decorating the wall.

It was your story.

Your escape from the research facility, the crash landing into the large cave, your near death at Namor’s hand. You were a surface dweller with strange power he had not seen in all the centuries he’d lived, trapped in a research facility, as scientists attempted to take your power and reproduce it to create more enhanced individuals.

In your escape, you’d found yourself sent crashing into the waters of Yucatán, where you’d awakened in a large cave with a destroyed ship and surrounded by Talokanil warriors. Namor would have killed you that day for endangering his people, knowing your escape could lead more surface dwellers to Talokan.

“Do you know what they would do to my people?” He’d spoken dangerously into your ear, gripping your jaw in his hand. “You are too dangerous to be kept alive here.”

And yet, when they came for you, the two of you fought side by side along with the Talokanil army. The agents were slain before they could even reach the water, wiping any trace of your location from the organization.

When he saw how you cared for his people, aiding any of the wounded that you could and shielding his underwater lands, Namor offered you protection. So long as you remained in Talokan, keeping their nation hidden and protected, you would be safe from the clutches of the surface world.

This was your home now, your safe haven; where you were free to live as you were, in the depths of the ocean, hidden in underwater caverns.

Your heart swelled at the memories, the lingering scent of Namor wrapped around your shoulders, his cloak warming your skin. The paint was still fresh on the mural, his tools strewn about on the rocky table behind you, waiting to be cleansed for his next piece.

Namor was a magnificent storyteller, through both his words and his art. His words rung through your ears, memories from when he’d told you the story of how Talokan came to be, about his mother. It was heart-wrenching to hear how his people had fallen victim to the death and diseases brought by Spanish invaders, how they had to leave their lives on the surface and begin anew underwater.

"He called me, 'El Niño sin Amor', 'the child without love'. And I took my name from there. Namor. Because I have no love for the surface world."

It was strange to hear, for a man who was filled with so much love for his people, his nation, the world they’d created for themselves where they could survive without the threat of the death and diseases brought by the surface. He had no love for the surface world or its people, and he would do anything to protect his home from being ravaged again. Yet, he’d found love in a surface dweller.

Rippling water behind you broke you from your thoughts, the sound of jewelry lightly clicking and wings fluttering, causing your heart to skip a beat at his presence. His footsteps were light as he made his way to your side, his figure towering to your right, the golden bands on his wrists glimmering in the corner of your eye. You couldn’t restrain the smile that tugged at your lips, turning silently to face him.

“My love,” you greeted, before reaching for his hair, pushing it back to reveal more of his face. Namor’s hair was thick between your fingers, it soaked your skin with water as it folded into place.

He was beautiful. From his pointed ears, to the curve of his nose, and his wet lips, which curved into a smile of his own, while his eyes trailed down your cloaked body.

“It suits you,” he complimented, running his hands over your shoulders where the cloak hung and down your arms. “I could have one made for you, as my queen.”

You shook your head, lowering your gaze with a light laugh as a warmth spread across your cheeks. It wasn’t the first time he’d suggested something like this, but it could never be that simple.

“Please, amor. A surface dweller as queen? There would be an outrage.” You chuckled at the idea, lifting your head while he tugged you closer to the warmth of his body.

“Well, yes.” He nodded, shrugging his adorned shoulders, the stunning jewelry around his neck clicking as it shifted. “But your home is here now. You are no longer a surface dweller, an outsider.”

“And yet, some still look at me as one.” You pressed back softly and shook your head once more.

You both knew such a prospect could divide the Talokanil, though they loved and revered Namor as K'uk'ulkan, the fear and hatred for the surface world burned in many of their hearts. To see an outsider from the surface take a throne alongside their leader would cause confusion and go against the beliefs of many. While the people showed kindness and respect to you for the work you had done to protect them, some remained wary of your presence. The risk was too high.

Tearing yourself away from the idea, you nodded towards the mural on the wall with his latest creation. “It’s beautiful.”

The warmth of his hand cupped your cheek, bringing comfort to your mind as he regarded you with those deep eyes. The eyes that once glared at you threateningly, ready to kill you, now gazed at you with an adoration that made your heart swell and your stomach flutter. His touch brought you peace and safety. A breath you didn’t know you were holding in escaping quietly through your lips.

“Thank you, for protecting me.” You spoke softly, placing your hand over his and leaning into the comfort of his warmth with a light kiss to palm.

Namor brought you forward, lowering his forehead to your own. “I’ve waited centuries for you, In yakunaj.” My love. The cool surface of his jewelry tickled at your skin. “You are mine now, and I will always protect you, as long as I live.”

“In k’áatech.” I love you. You knew he loved it when you spoke his tongue, rewarded with an affectionate smile. “And I will be by your side, always.”

He closed the distance between your lips and you melted into the kiss, feeling all your love pour into him as he drowned you with his own. “In k’áatech.”

He was everything. He was your love, your home, and your sanctuary.

#wakanda forever #mcu namor

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY HOTD OC, HER NAMES VISENYA, SHE'S UNHINGED, AND I LOVE HER DEARLY.

The quotes below are all things she will say in the fanfic I'm working on, enjoy...

---

“Question my parentage as you please uncle, I can proudly claim my mother isn’t a usurperous cunt who must stand behind her status for protection. Can you?”

"Touch me with those filthy hands one more time, and they will hang on my wall."

"...You are my brother, killing for you is obligatory."

"...For you, I'd burn them all."

"You'd be wise to consider how much you value your life next time you attempt to humiliate the first born daughter of Daemond Targaryen."

"Wondrous speech that was uncle, may I have a go?"

"And must I remind you mother, I despise men. The whole lot of them, no matter they be handsome or ugly, rich or poor. Their breath's smell of dragon piss all the same."

#house targaryen #hotd #visenya targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targeryan #aegon targaryen #aemond x oc #aemond targaryen #fanfic #lucerys velaryon #jacerys velaryon #alicent hightower #sir harwin #otto hightower #viserys targaryen #femme fatale #fem oc #badass oc

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 1 year

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Ahem... Just leaving this here... This totally ISN'T the aesthetic board for my new HOTD Oc...

totally not...

#hotd #house targaryen #house of the dead #rhaenyra targaryen #sir harwin #daemon targeryan #aemond targaryen #aemond x oc #got #fanfic #fem oc #femme fatale #visenya targaryen

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 2 years

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𝕴𝖓 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝕺𝖋 𝕹𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙.

I haven't written in forever but this has been sitting in my drafts for months, I legit wrote this when I was bored in class.

After some HEAVY editing I think I'm pretty satisfied, but I still might comeback later and edit if I come up with better ideas, so be warned lol.

This is my first time publishing OC content, AND my first time writing PolyCule! (but like it makes sense that it would be TLB bc ur gonna tell me they didn’t all fuck at some point? yeah... sure...) so that's excitingggg.

Also my cat is currently very clingy and determined to sit on my lap/keyboard, so any typos are curtsy of her.

Also its from first person, so like if y'all don’t like that, idk..... tuff?

Pairing: Fem!Oc x PolyCule! The Lost Boys. (Basically all TLB + Michael and Star are dating because I'm gay and I said so.)

Summary: Lorelei Murphy only has two interesting things going on in her life currently, her sapphic friends with benefits situation, and the fact that she’s a practicing witch. Desperate for some excitement in this mundane and redundant summer, her attention is caught by a pretty girl with brown frizzy hair that wanders into her shop one night. Little does she know, what company said girl finds herself in, and the spiderweb of supernatural melodrama soon to consume her.

Warnings: none for this chapter, but def will be some smut and mature themes in future chapters.

Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!

Enjoy <3

--- --- ---

Santa Carla, June, 1988

The summer of 1988, had so far been painfully boring, to say the least.

There was no romance, no scandal, on the shores of the small rundown hell-scape that was Santa Carla, California, the suspicion murder had become a mundane pastime to all those unfortunate enough to inhabit it.

It always seemed that time moved slower here, that while the world around it could mold and shape, rise and fall with each sun and moon; Santa Carla would be doomed, eternal, agonizing, and picturesque. There always was the a-famed ‘murder capital of the world’ reputation, and perhaps that what made the boardwalk so unsettling to the newcomers when the sun went down.

As for the born and raised population, there seemed to be three general types of people. People that loved Santa Carla, people who hated it but for whatever dreary reason couldn’t leave, and people who seemed to do more than the occasional glance at what made up its surface.

People who saw deeper into the undeniable truth as to why Santa Carla was why it was. The third group of people, they didn’t say much, in general, and about the town when asked. Maybe they wanted to pretend whatever they saw never existed, maybe, they were too terrified to admit to themselves it did.

People from all different walks of life shuffled around the sands of Santa Carla, there was really no limitation to who you could be, and what could make you special. It wasn’t unusual for people to change their names once they moved here, it wasn’t like it really mattered anyway.

As soon as you set foot in the under 55,000 populated city, you were practically a different person anyway. It was like there were two versions of you, who you were to Santa Carla, and who you were to the rest of the world.

Personally, I'd always wanted to know what I would’ve been like if I hadn’t been so socially doomed from the start. Not only was I a Santa Carla native, that alone made me crazy enough, but there was also the excess amount of baggage I carried around with me at all times.

I was unable to reminisce on my aforementioned trauma however, as an angry car honking and obnoxious dual male screams sounded from the street outside, bringing me back to the land of the living.

“Shove it poser!”

“Oh, fuck off pansy!”

Ah, home sweet home.

Business had been painfully slow and mundane this evening, the hight of excitement being Bobby Flems trying to nab a chunk of topaz right in front of me. Although, Bobby’s a 13 year old scrawny teenager, and I'm a 19 year old all powerful witch, so you can ball-park how exciting that really was.

It wasn’t unusual to have slow days, there was never anything linear about Santa Carla. Either it was packed up to the walls, or a desolate waste land during night shifts. I suppose it all really depended on what was available, if there was a gig playing I was always able to tell how good the band was depending on how many youths escaped to my selections.

There must’ve been a killer band playing tonight.

And so I was left to my own devices, and found myself spinning a long lock of hair around my pointer as I sat perched on a stool, and drowned myself in the latest copy of Smash Hits.

I was working alone tonight, though I was supposed to have my assistant manager on staff, who managed to be fashionably absent, of course. If I was a responsible business owner, I would’ve been calling her up and screaming through the receiver right now, but clearly I wasn't because I don't think responsible business owners fucked their employees either.

Further more, I don’t think responsible business owners brandish pentacles around their necks, and white platforms on their feet.

I had just lit a stick of lavender sage when the shop door flung open, causing me to place it on an ash tray and put down my magazine in an attempt to look work oriented.

When my eyes registered the small black shape flinging itself at me, I felt all tension in my body dissolve immediately.

Birdy hopped over the counter and threw her leather-clad arms around me at an almost lightning speed, causing me to fall back a step and laugh wildly. Realistically, I should’ve been pissed she was late for the millionth time, but who could be mad at such a cute little gesture?

“All right, all right, ease up, killer.” I giggled as she pressed a searing kiss to my neck, no doubt leaving a red lipstick stain in her wake.

She hummed and pulled back to look at me through crinkled eyes. If there was one way to describe Bernadette Renée Stevenson, it was bad-shit crazy. To others she was the 5′3 punk chick who consistently shop-lifted and raved her anti-patriarchal rhetoric around town, to me, she was just Birdy, my Birdy.

Birdy and I had been friends for what felt like forever, straight out of the sandbox, soulmates till death do us part.

Her dad wasn’t around, her mom lived in the nearest loony bin. She had her older sister to take care of her, but Clarice was usually off bumming weed somewhere, and truthfully finances were always something they struggled with.

I had always known I swung both ways, so did she, I suppose we were just each other’s mutual awakening. We dated once upon a time when we were sixteen, but that didn’t last long.

For a multitude of reasons, but plainly, we were better off as friends. Well, friends who knocked boots everyone once and awhile.

I was eager to give her a job, to be honest, I wouldn’t really trust anyone else around here. I suppose I could always get the Frog brothers to volunteer, not that they had anything better to do. But I think I’d rather not have the urge to strangle children and watch for sticky fingers 24/7.

Birdy rocked back and forth on her heels as she regarded me with a half lidded gaze, she looped a finger around my necklace, and after looking around to make sure the coast was clear, she pulled me into a heated kiss.

For the most part, we could get away with being touchy in public around here, but it was always good to take the extra mile and be careful. Never know which asshole with twisted beliefs could be walking by.

I sighed and closed my eyes as I leaned into her, and shivered as her slim fingers traveled up and down my spine. She always knew how to find my sweet spots.

She pulled back after a minute and pressed her forehead to mine. “Sorry I’m late, ‘Brina.” I huffed out a laugh and rolled my eyes, before pushing her away and picking up my catalogue. “No you’re not.”

Another thing about Birdy, very few people knew about my abilities, that pretty much pertained to her and nobody else. Hence the nickname she called me so affectionately.

She winced and grabbed her chest in show of mock-pain. “Ouch, presh.” I lolled my head to the side and took in her flushed, normally deathly pale cheeks, and her messy bob cut along with her choppy, out of place fringe.

Damn her, always sinking her little claws into me so easily.

“We still on for tonight?” I murmured, that seemed to bring her back into a state of excitement and energy almost immediately.

“Damn straight hun.” She grinned, before bounding off to restock the shelves in the back. I sighed and turned back to my magazine, we closed in about two hours, all that was left now was to sit and wait.

I turned to see that my sage had dimmed since I lit it initially, I narrowed my eyes and mumbled an Archaic Latin phrase beneath my breath. There was a small swell of pride that bloomed in my chest as the embers re-lit and burned brighter.

Ah, magic was something one could never really get bored of.

--- --- ---

It was an hour on the dot later when the old wind chime tied to my shop door chirped, signaling entrance.

When I put out my lavender sage and looked up, I saw her.

I had to stop myself from letting my jaw fall to the floor, had there been such a girl around the board walk before?

You know when you look at someone, and can immediately tell they’re someone special? That was what it felt like to look at her. The notion of uniqueness was hard to come by here, everyone was trying to be someone different. I couldn’t really rationalize what was different about her, she seemed almost other worldly, extra terrestrial.

I don’t think she noticed me at first, if she did, she pretended she didn’t. She stopped in the doorway, looking around for a while at the array of items methodically laid out in front of her, her brown eyes danced around my little shop, and whenever the light from the candles caught them, they looked like golden bells.

She settled her sights on a collection of crystals laid out on an old table under my upraised signed blondie poster, and as I watched her make her way across the room, I couldn’t help but wonder what olympian kingdom she had descended from.

Her hair was brown, a deep brunette color that could have been easily mistaken for black, it was frizzed and teased, it hung off her shoulders angelically, and I desperately wanted to run fingers along its ends. Her skin was caramel-colored and ceased to have a single blemish in sight.

She was wearing a white corset top, and a pink-colored floral skirt, that flowed past her knees and seemed to float as she walked. Everything she did was floaty actually, I don’t think she could have possibly been human.

At that moment, something snapped into place, and I knew I wanted her.

I had never shied away from attraction, I was out there- I lived my life like every day might’ve been the last. I had stopped having regard for sense the day my parents decided I wasn’t worth the trouble.

“Hey, might wanna wipe the drool off your chin, sport.” I felt slim fingers roughly wipe at the side of my mouth and snapped my head over to the side, where I meet the sharp gaze belonging to Birdy.

She eye me evilly when I smacked her hands away, and huffed before stepping behind me, and wrapping her arms around my middle. She laid her head in the crook of my neck, and I fought the urge to shiver as she nestled the bare skin there.

“What? Do you have a little crush on the clientele? Say it ain’t so 'Brina, I thought we had something special!” She then blew on the nape of my neck, which caused me to shiver, I spun around, and circled my arms around her shoulders.

She leaned in as I did so, which caused me to press my nose to her’s and hover my lips over her own. “What is this? Jealous are we?” I hummed, as I leaned in and laid a peck against her mouth.

She smiled widely, and stuck her tongue out at me, before gripping my wrists and removing them from the back of her neck, she pulled me close to her, and I stared into her green eyes, as her deathly pale hand took its time, traveling down my side.

“Oh come on boss- don’t tease, that’s my job.” She purred, she was shorter than me by an inch, yet she always managed to bring me to my knees.

I laughed as I elbowed her off of me. She giggled and launched herself at me almost immediately, we tussled for a while, and just as I had her in a headlock with our backs faced away from the counter, was when I heard a soft “ahem”.

We froze, I released her from my hold before slowly turning around to make eye contact with the girl, the beautiful one whom I’d seem to have somehow forgotten was in my vicinity.

She was holding a few crystals in one hand, and a bundle of shredded sweet grass in the other. She stared at me, her eyes hadn’t even seemed to register Birdy’s presence yet, despite it being very clear.

She seemed to stare right through me, I felt seen in a way that I never had before, and it was both unsettling and thrilling. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had liked what she saw, for whatever reason, I earnestly hoped she did.

I must’ve been stupidly staring at her for a good while before I was elbowed in the side by Birdy. I hissed and glared at her for a moment before I coughed and turned my attention back to the goddess standing in front of me. I damn near floated over to the counter as she silently placed all the items in her hands in front of me to be purchased.

I held eye contact with her, I allowed my eyes to travel to her lips- and back again. I was a bit of a flirt, what could I say? “So,” I thrummed, as I leaned forward, and allowed my hair to fall over my shoulders. “Will that be all?”

She was smiled at me, her teeth were snow-white, I wondered if she could get any more perfect. Apparently, she could, because when she spoke it sounded like summer.

“It should be.” she bit her lip after she said it, and I followed her eyes as they hovered on my lips.

“Sounds good.” I chirped, I averted her eyes and began to ring up each item. I tried not to focus on how close she was to me, or what scent I guessed her perfume was. Perhaps lavender and pink rose. I was nearly finished with the last crystal before she decided to torture me further.

“Actually,” she spoke up, “I think I’d like to add one more item.” I darted my eyes up suddenly, and for some reason, it seemed she was closer than before, her eyes were traveling over every portion of my face.

“Oh yeah,” I said finally, “need me to grab it for you, doll?” She stared at me for a moment longer, she didn’t move, no words were spoken. I pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

She bit her lip, “It’s your name.” I stopped, I stared at her, for a moment and then I huffed out a sharp laugh, she continued. “I’d like to add your name to the purchase.” “Mhm, no biggie.” I mused as I waved my hand in front of my face. She looked at me expectantly “Lorelei, It’s Lorelei.”

She took a second to process the information she had just received, and then she nodded, just nodded. For a split second I thought I saw the iris in her eyes shimmer, I told myself it was just the lighting.

“That’s a really pretty name,” She finalized, I nodded, “Thank you, sweetness.” I finished ringing up the last of her things, and as I went to put them in a bag, I turned and made eye contact with Birdy, she had been standing there the entire time.

There were no other customers to entertain her as I shamelessly flirted with a client right before her eyes. I expected her to have a teasing look on her face, but she didn’t. In fact, she looked kinda pissed. I furrowed my eyebrows at her expression, before turning back to the woman in front of me. “Your totals gonna rack up to $6.25” then I paused, and smiled to myself.

“And I’m afraid I’ll have to add your name as tax.” I claimed, as I put both hands out to my side, and waved them almost to say ‘don’t shoot’. She raised her eyebrows, and her smile only widened. She laughed, again, I was glad, I wanted to hear it.

“Fair enough, I’m Star.” Almost periodically after she said so, the golden bracelet on her left wrist seemed to shine. Her name couldn’t have been more fitting, I liked it, a lot. “Wow, that beats Lorelei any day,” I said, she smiled at me, she did that a lot. “I don’t think so, but hey to each their own.” I went to respond, but before I could I felt arms wrap around my middle, again.

“Lorelei is a pretty name, isn’t it? One of the things I love most about her.” Birdy had placed her head on my shoulder again, and I had frozen when she did so.

Star turned her attention to my friend, and I could’ve sworn I saw her perfect mouth twitch at the position we were both in. My face must’ve been bright red as I turned my head to look at Birdy. She was grinning, but it wasn’t of any humor, it was mean, almost daring and ruthless.

“It almost beats her hair, isn’t it beautiful? One of the most vibrant natural reds I’ve ever seen.” She said melodically, as she took a strand of my hair, and twirled it around her pointer finger. My hair was long enough for her to do so, it reached my waist, and I almost thought to myself I ought to get it cut soon before I snapped myself back into reality.

I gripped her thigh with my hand that was hidden out of sight by the counter, and I squeezed, hard. She had little reaction though, as she pinched my ass in rebuttal.

I jumped, causing Star’s eyes to snap back to me for a second, she looked confused at my sudden outburst, she looked between me and Birdy for a moment, and then It seemed to hit her, her expression was one of realization.

For a split second, I could’ve sworn she looked flustered, and then outright annoyed. But that was all gone in a moment, she smiled. It wasn’t the same shimmering smile from before, it seemed forced, perhaps that was my imagination.

She grabbed the bag from the counter, pulled a ten out of her pocket, and smoothly slid it over to me. She looked at birdy, and raked her eyes up and down her, nearly sizing her up. “Yes, it is.” she turned her attention back to me, and nodded, “You can keep the change.”

Star proceeded to walk away, and just as she reached the doorway, she stopped, and over her shoulder left me with these parting words. “Have a nice night, Lorelei.” the wind chime bid farewell as the door was opened and closed.

Just as soon as she had come, Star had disappeared into the night.

And I swear, the faint echo of motorcycle revving and juvenile laughter sounded when she emerged from the store.

I watched her go, and I yearned for her to turn back.

I stood still for about thirty seconds before I roughly spun around, and slammed both my hands against Birdy’s shoulders, pushing her back. “What the hell was that?!” I yelled, my arms stuck out on either side of me.

She looked up at me and rolled her eyes. She laughed, and it only served to piss me off further. “Oh come on, don’t get all pissed, Princess. We had plans for a date tonight if you don’t recall, so ‘scuse me for not wanting to share.”

She brushed her onyx tinted hair out of her face and stared at me, she was smirking, she always did that, only usually I found it endearing.

Right now, I wanted to wipe it off.

Something that always royally pissed me off about Birdy, this whole unspoken agreement she forced me into that she had some sort of claim over me.

She could flirt with whoever she’d want, and I couldn’t get mad because we “weren’t official”, but the second someone would take notice of me, she’d throw a bitch fit.

I narrowed my eyes at her, my top lip began to pull up as I did so. “You don’t own me, Birdy, stop acting like you do.” her confident demeanor fell, and she looked taken aback by that statement.

She huffed, and stumbled over a few stuttered sentence beginnings, looking around for some form of invisible encouragement. Then like the flick of a light switch, she inhaled harshly and stormed to the front of the store and grabbed her coat off the rack.

“Fine- go hook up with some random hippie chick who’s probably just-” she turned around and made sarcastically mean air quotes at me “‘looking to experiment’- hell get HPV because who knows where that summer love street trash has been! See if I care!”

Her rant turned into a scream as she finished it, and before I could even refute her, she opened and slammed the door, and she left. Hopping on her motorcycle that was parked out front, speeding off without a trace, and taking her endearingly short fuse with her.

I sighed, I placed my elbows on the counter and leaned into my palms. This had happened before, it wasn’t unusual for the littlest spark to set her off into a burning rage.

It always ended the same, she’d get her two cents in, leave before I could respond, and then be back in a day or two kissing my ass like no tomorrow. Now, it was just a matter of time before she came bounding back in promising me words of apologies, rinse and repeat, and there was the type of relationship I and Birdy Stevenson shared.

I didn’t want to leave, it wasn’t like she was holding me hostage, it was just that she was the closest friend I had in this god-forsaken town, and I wasn’t prepared to give that up over a few petty fights and (admittedly very) pretty girls.

I groaned as I remembered the pizza I ordered for our movie date would probably be arriving soon, and I’d have no one to share it with.

An hour later finished up my night with John Carpenter’s Halloween and a large subpar pepperoni pizza, all the while thinking back on that girl I’d seen earlier, Star.

I hummed as I slumped in my old battered couch, sounds of blood shed and screams from the TV echoing in my tiny apartment.

Perhaps this summer wouldn’t be so boring after all.

9/3/22

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