beyond-the-coat

[beyond-the-coat]

Focusing on yourself!, trying to rebuild yourself!, rising from the ashes!, it all sounds really cool but also incomprehensible. I know I am at the starting point and I know where I have to reach. But, why is it that on my own path, that was created by me for me, I have now started to feel alone? Where did loneliness come from? It was always meant to be my story, my success, my golden opportunities, right? Then why suddenly the question is who am I supposed to share it with? The whole agenda of life has shifted to being dependent on someone. Everybody wants to know so what about marriage? What about it? Tell me what about it?

It's easy to forget who you are amidst this fog but you know that little fire inside you, it's still there, it's still ignited and waiting for you to rekindle it. Don't just love yourself, instead be soo fucking commited to yourself that nobody can shake you away from you. It took so much work to find who I am. It's just too hard to loose it all up just to be that sugarcoated wife. I choose to be me, unapologetically me!. Yes I am rude, I am sarcastic, but I also have immense love inside me. It all depends on you and what you want to see.

[beyond-the-coat]

Mixed signals

You chose the exit and left me in the crater,

Declared I could never be enough for you,

Yet your silhouette hangs at the rim of my ruin,

Haunting the foxhole you helped carve.

You flash a brand-new diamond, I gather broken glass,

Your tears pound the floor as though the storm is yours,

You name my hurt a footnote to your sorrow,

While I mend myself with jagged shards.

Home now lies a country past the noise of your lies,

I choke on each thread you spun into my throat,

You call me the furnace that scorches your calm,

Yet insist the cold isn’t what you need.

You reach for my heat with hands already spoken for,

Mixed signals crackle like static in midnight air,

You veil your face from me but boast of “your girl,”

Then slip back crying that you miss my fire.

You text her while lying beside my unraveling heart,

Privilege drips from your unanswered questions,

I’m the vessel you drain to keep your cup full,

While you bask in unearned mercy.

So whose fault coils tight around this knot of us?

Why am I left clawing at the frayed rope?

Why does your comfort cost me pieces of mine,

And why can’t I stop holding on?

~Dr Riya

[beyond-the-coat]

Echoes Within

Waiting for validation,

Lost in quiet trepidation.

Echoes of hollow, shadows of sorrow,

Where does one begin to face tomorrow?

Counting sins, a daunting task,

Behind the pain, no mask to unmask.

Forgiveness feels so far away,

A hope that fades with each passing day.

Loneliness—a fear so stark,

A haunting presence in the dark.

Self-criticism whispers loud,

Buries me beneath its shroud.

Was it truly a childhood scar,

Or has adulthood's glow been just as marred?

Is this pit my own design,

A trap laid by this heart of mine?

The evil grins, its victory smug,

While I claw at walls that seem to shrug.

Too many thoughts cloud my mind,

My heart grinds on, weary, confined.

Oh, how I wish it all would cease,

This endless trial, a stolen peace.

Yet every attempt has failed, undone,

A battle lost before it’s begun.

~Dr Riya

[beyond-the-coat]

मौन का संगीत: ज्ञान और अनुभव की परिभाषा

जिन्हें ज्ञान है, उन्हें ज्ञात है,

हर कर्म एक तप है,

हर श्वास एक वरदान।

किन्तु यह सच एक ऐसा तथ्य है,

जो जानते हैं, वो कह नहीं पाते,

और जो कहते रहते हैं, वो कभी जान नहीं पाते।

शब्दों के इस जगत में, अर्थ गहराई में छुप जाते हैं,

भावनाओं के सागर में, अनकहे दर्द बह जाते हैं।

सत्य जो दिल में बसता है,

वह मौन की भाषा से व्यक्त होता है।

ज्ञान की परिभाषा नहीं होती,

यह अनुभव का एक दरिया है,

जो महसूस करते हैं, वो समझते हैं,

जो शब्दों में ढालते हैं, वो छू जाते हैं।

हर खामोशी का अपना संगीत है,

हर मौन की एक गूंज है,

जीवन की इस यात्रा में,

ज्ञान का सबसे बड़ा साक्षी अनुभव है।

तो जो महसूस कर सको, वही सत्य है,

जो समझ सको, वही ज्ञान।

हर कर्म तपस्या है, हर क्षण अनमोल,

बस इसे जी लो, यही जीवन का अन्वेषण है।

~Dr Riya

[beyond-the-coat]

The Unspeakable Depth of a Blank Stare

Today, during rounds, a teacher asked me to explain a blank stare. It happened in the presence of a severely depressed patient whose vacant eyes seemed to hold nothing—no light, no focus, no hope. My teacher wanted me to describe it to the interns in words they could write down. I froze. How could I possibly articulate what I was seeing?

The blank stare wasn’t just an absence of expression—it was an abyss, a void where emotions should have been. Yet, despite staring into it, I couldn’t find the words to translate what I observed into plain language.

This realization has stayed with me. In psychiatry, our greatest tool is observation—not just of symptoms, but of the unspoken. Words may fail us, but the emotions and connections we build never will.

Sensing my struggle, my teacher made a poignant observation: "Phenomenology in psychiatry is not something you can fully write or read. You cannot truly explain these experiences through words alone."

In that moment, it struck me how true this was. Describing feelings, emotions, or mental states is not enough—you must "see" them, "feel" them, and "experience" them firsthand. The nuances of a blank stare cannot be reduced to mere vocabulary. It’s not about the technical description; it’s about the human connection, the empathy, and the silent understanding that comes from truly being present with the patient.

This realization has stayed with me. In psychiatry, our greatest tool is observation—not just of symptoms, but of the unspoken. Words may fail us, but the emotions and connections we build never will.

[beyond-the-coat]

[beyond-the-coat]

Kerela, Travel Story

Nature's symphony, a soothing tune

Underneath the golden afternoon

Coconut trees standing tall and grand

Casting shadows upon the land

Sunset hues paint the sky

As daylight bids a fond goodbye

Whispers of a gentle breeze

Dancing leaves among the trees

Kerala, a paradise untold

Stories in every sight unfold

In the heart, a tranquil spell

Where time and beauty dwell

The moonlight kisses the waves

A peaceful night, a soul that craves

Echoes of waves on moonlit shores

Nature's lullaby forever adores

[beyond-the-coat]

"Fleeting Ripples: A Tapestry of Resilience"

The gate closes more than not,

The time passes but leaves a knot.

Trying to move past certain puddles,

Still caught up in wishful cuddles.

Don't keep expectations, everyone says,

But still hoping despite what it pays.

Trying to be above it all,

Scared of yet another fall.

First was hardest, second was saddest,

But now remaining broken is the safest.

Was trying to pick up the pieces,

Now hoping that just the pain ceases.

Life feels like a whim,

Going through trying to swim.

Yet, in each wave, a strength gleams,

Hope whispers dreams in silent streams.

[beyond-the-coat]

The silence you hear when alone tells you a lot about the inside conflicts. If the silence is making you restless, it is the inner restlessness being reflected back and if the silence is calming, it tells that there are no inside conflicts.

It's like that silence acts like a mirror to all our inside thoughts.

[beyond-the-coat]

“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation for the little things, my vivid inner life, my deep awareness of others’ pain, and my passion for it all.”

— Unknown

[beyond-the-coat]

“To have a loving family is to feel afraid and yet believe you are going to be all right.”

-Dean Atta, The Black Flamingo

[beyond-the-coat]

When someone is having an outburst, when the storm they held inside for so long is let out. Just be there... Don't react.. don't advice.. don't be smart.. just listen.. just stay... That's all they need.

[beyond-the-coat]

A mess

That feeling you get when you first fall in love, those stomach rumbles and heart flutters. It feels like the feet don't touch the ground, feels like you are flying and you don't even need wings anymore.

Love can make you do stupid things and when we are talking about first love that gotta make you crazy isn't it. I fell in love with him the moment I looked at him, the very moment I heard him pass a hilarious comment. The ruffled hair and the carefree look. I agree I had the best time of my life for those few years.

But have you ever realised when we are happy we see things with this glazed vision. Now I sit here and wonder.. did I actually miss the red flags or were the red flags all too glazed.

First love, it does make you crazy.

[beyond-the-coat]

"Letting Go: The Art of Being Imperfect"

We often carry the weight of expectations—our own and those of others—thinking we must always be the best, fit a certain mold, and meet a peculiar standard of perfection. But life has a way of teaching us that sometimes, all we truly need is to let destiny take its course.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to fall short of perfection. Stop being harsh on yourself, and let go of the self-blame when things don’t turn out exactly as you hoped. Imperfection is not a failure; it’s a reminder that you’re human.

Yes, people will judge—they always do. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never make everyone happy. So, why exhaust yourself trying to live up to someone else’s definition of perfect? Sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back, unload the burden, and simply exist.

When you feel lost or lack a vision for yourself, trust in the passage of time. Let it weave its story around you, guiding you to where you’re meant to be. The universe often has plans for us far greater than those we imagine for ourselves.

So, take a deep breath. Release the pressure. Embrace the beauty of imperfection and let life unfold in its own mysterious way. You don’t have to control everything; sometimes, it’s enough to simply trust and be.

[beyond-the-coat]

"Serenity on the Chambal River"

The Chambal River, flowing gracefully through Kota, Rajasthan, is a hidden gem. Recently, I had the pleasure of a serene boat ride with my family, and it was nothing short of magical.

We started early, with a simple yet hearty breakfast on the boat, right in the middle of nowhere. The sounds of gushing water, the cool breeze playing with our hair, and the untouched beauty around us filled the moment with pure joy. Each one of us had a smile that refused to fade.

As we drifted along, we spotted elegant birds soaring above us and caught glimpses of lazy alligators basking in the sun along the riverbanks. It felt like a little world of our own, far removed from the chaos of everyday life.

The experience was not just a boat ride but a journey into tranquility—a rare opportunity to connect with nature and with each other. If you’re ever in Rajasthan, don’t miss the chance to explore the quiet, mesmerizing beauty of the Chambal River. It’s a memory I’ll cherish forever.

[beyond-the-coat]

“Worrying is stupid, it’s like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.”

— Wiz Khalifa